#that their relationship status is cause for the same coping mechanisms you use when someone you love has died

[iamanartichoke]

Being a Tom Hiddleston fan can be the weirdest fucking thing, like - occasionally I wander over into the Tom side of the fandom (as opposed to the Loki side) and discover weird things, like that right now some fans are genuinely fucking distressed and going through the five stages of grief upon learning Tom is dating Zawe (and apparently it's not just a fake PR thing like why would it be?).

I mean ... one post I saw was like "people need to move from the denial stage into the acceptance stage, this has been going on for two years" like sorry, did I miss where Tom fucking died? The acceptance stage? Does accepting that Tom's dating someone really merit a whole stage? I just.

Aside from that, I also learned that Tom is nominated for a Tony award for Betrayal, I guess, so there's lots of posts talking about his chances of winning, speculating on whether or not he'll go in person or on Zoom, stuff like that and while there's nothing inherently wrong with that sort of engagement, I'm just sitting here like, shit, who cares? Like that'd be great for him if he wins, congrats, but also I kinda couldn't care less, personally. It's not like I don't know he can act. Everyone knows he can act. Awards are nice but they're only useful to the person actually winning them. I don't have the energy to get invested in that. Or whether he'll go in person or not - what difference does it make? Who caaaaaares?

^^ So the above is basically what I was thinking as I was going through the tag and like, then I remembered I went to see Betrayal and it was one of the best experiences of my life but it required me to spend a significant amount of money, do a lot of planning, take time off of work, and literally board a fucking plane and fly to New York City. It was that important to me that I have the opportunity to see Tom act in person and to possibly interact with him for .5 seconds at the stage door.

My point is ... I feel like being a Tom fan is just really bizarre for me personally, in that I'll get on a plane for that man but I won't turn on the tv and tune in to find out (and care) if he wins a significant award, or I won't get all in my feelings (the stages of grief, my god) bc it comes out that he's got a girlfriend.

Idk, am I even really a Tom fan, or am I a Loki fan? But I wouldn't be invested in Loki the way that I am if it weren't for Tom's performances and the way Tom speaks about Loki and so on. How do you define having immense respect for a celebrity, not only for their talent and intellect but also bc you recognize that they just have something magical about them and something about their energy just connects with you, but also you're not all that invested in them as a person or even as a professional, really, except when it comes to the one character they play that you're obsessed with?

Yeah, so anyway it's 4am and this is what I am up thinking about, thank god tomorrow is Friday.

[angstyantoinette]

Yandere! Armin Arlert Headcanons

AGED UP I REPEAT ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP-

This little blonde ball of curiosity is verrryy toxic in my Yandere version. 

Armin knows how innocent he looks to other people and by playing on this, coupled with his practical and analytical genius status, boy is it so very easy for him to gain the trust of his comrades, friends and especially his Beloved. 

I feel as if Armin wouldn’t be picky with a particular type, but never being attracted to an unkind or particular person he would be disgusted by in any way. 

He may fall for someone who is slightly colder, or who doesn’t really know how to respond to kindness. In that scenario, Armin would be overjoyed, but very patient and giving with them; if he wasn’t Yandere. 

I see him as very touch-starved and wanting, but afraid to be clingy for fear he would drive his Beloved away. In this case he would dote on you as best he could in his environment, making you fall for him even more. 

You would him as endearing, and like most, innocent. Armin is smart; one might say way too smart for his own good, and being a Yandere, I feel this makes him just as dangerous as those willing to use physical violence/methods on their Beloved. 

He knows that you just love his little quirks and his way of thinking. If you tell him this, he may think you only see him as valuable because of his skill for strategizing. But when you reassure him that you just love him for him, he just falls in love with you even more. 

He’s worrisome about you. Every time he makes practise with your ODM gear until you’re bruised, and exhausted, ready to run into his awaiting arms. Rewarding you with cuddles and affection, Armin’s love isn’t exactly conditional; but it still isn’t normal.

But that’s if you accept his feelings, with Armin being a Yandere or not, and with your knowledge or ignorance. 

If you don’t accept his feelings, whether it being for your personal reasons, or because you…um, like someone else, to put it nicely; 

YOU’RE FUCKED. 

He’ll smile, nod his head, maybe try a little too hard to act like he’s okay with your decision. But you understand, after all, it’s not like you haven’t been rejected before. 

“We can always be friends, Armin! I’m here for you okay?” 

“Yeah, Y/N, whatever you say…” 

About a few weeks after his rejection, with all of the support from Eren, Mikasa and the others, Armin is slowly descending into a deep depression. 

He was so sure of his feelings for you. They were his most prized possession. You made him laugh, you made him blush and god you made his pitiful life seem so much more worth living. You were the ocean, and he just wanted to drown myself in you. Like the sun he saw so rarely, you were the ray of pure light that made his body burn. 

He lay awake at night, taunted and enthralled with the thoughts of you in so many different scenarios….maybe in particular, different positions. 

[Yes, those kinda positions. Armin’s not always that innocent, y’all.]

He knows that the more he thinks of you in these appetizing ways, in these hurtfully satisfying scenarios, he’s never going to be able to get over you. 

Rather, he’s not even going to try.

Being trapped in his fantasies, Armin is horrifically aware that these feelings are incredibly toxic, for the both of you. He just won’t let you go. Whatever it takes, Armin will commit whatever crimes he must to keep you in his life. 

He sees you as being misunderstood, especially if you’re typically a colder person, hard to read, detached. Some people compare you to Levi, but Armin just knows that you, like the Corporal, have far more depth than you let on. 

His intrigue doesn’t let up for a long while, as you’re constantly surprising him in new and amazing ways. You’re used to his deep interest in you after a while, but you still don’t understand him. 

Armin thrives on your confusion at first, but if it drives you away from him, he’ll go into tactical mode. Staying up all night,figuring out who is calling your attention to them rather than him and what his next move should be. 

With his intelligence, Armin keeps his sizzling bafflement and envy under wraps. He tells himself that maybe he had unerved you a little. He can get like that sometimes, surely you understood him well enough to know that?He obviously did find you interesting and he was willing to momentarily abandon Eren and Mikasa just to fuel his endless curiosity. 

Keep in mind, this is after you reject him, and his desperation to just know you and love you is greatly overwhelming him to the highest degree. You just won’t allow him to really see you, to understand you. 

Eventually, he snaps. Just not in the typical yandere way. We all know that Armin feels as though he is a nuisance, a self-proclaimed burden so he keeps most of his feelings inside, and lets them loose to either prove a point, or while under stress. 

It takes a minute for him to decide what to do with you, because he knows that once he has made a choice, it has to be the right choice. He has to know and map out a detailed plan, whether it’s doable, whether he’s able to pull it off by himself, etc.

His analytical skills come into play, and he plans everything from the location, time, the equipment needed at exactly what time. By this time, he will have comepletely left you alone; abrupt and brash, and just as he planned, you were surprised. Yes, he wanted to get to know you, and you couldn’t help but feel even slightly violated and maybe even disturbed. 

Your like anyone in the world, have natural curiosity and interest in just about anything. But the unfamiliar feeling of unsettlement around Armin just felt…off.

You secretly knew of his deep infatuation; people always seemed to determined to figure the silent types out, to crack them open, decipher their many secrets. In terms of this analogy, you sort of understand, maybe even sympathise with his endless novelty toward your character, but even so…just why?

Maybe it was the fact that you felt bad for him, in a sad, puppy love kinda way. Maybe you saw him as a traumatized individual, just putting his assumed coping mechanism to work, with you just in the innocent line of fire. 

If he kidnaps you at all, Armin will smother you. Telling you how much you mean to him, explaining that only he can access your wonder and intrigue. Because, after all, he worked this hard to get you; why would he ever share you with anyone else? 

Although he will be stern, he’ll always be nice about it, rewarding you or not. 

You’re an enigma to Armin Arlert, keeping him guessing, testing his patience with all of your being. You don’t know it, but soon you’ll be in his possession.

I headcanon him as seeing your refusal, your blatant rejection as some kind of ‘disease.’ You haven’t even seen the best of him yet, why make up your mind about something that you know almost nothing of? Oh well, you’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other very soon. He’ll bare his injured soul to you, and you’ll have mo choice but to do the same for him. It’s what married couples do after all, right?

Just let him love you, Y/N. Let Armin adore you. It’s the best thing to do if you want everyone to live.

Glassy, still sapphire eyes simply stared at you in the weak light of a stolen candle. You couldn’t quite pinpoint what they were saying, those beautiful, dangerous, albeit loving eyes. But yet, they also held malice in their abyss’. Endless, bottomless, simply divine they were. That was all you knew.

“Why…do you lie to me?” he murmered. A small, rough palm came to rest against your hollowed cheek, fingertips gently tapping against the skin. Realising how close he truly was, you tried your hardest to get away, shifting in your place in the surprisingly plush, old bed, but all it took was a flash of blonde hair to whip past your face, before he succeeded in holding your arms down.

While he never did this explicitly to punish or harm you, Armin always knew just how to exert his power. Never mind the boundaries that he installed in you the day of your arrival; he didn’t care for them as much as you had to pretend to.

This Armin was unhinged. Normalcy could never be considered in this relationship. He could never understand the pain he put you through. To Armin, it was all in the name of his devotion. All of his interest had been rooted in one fact; you refused to love him.

Once he figured out that you wouldn’t couldn’t love him of your own accord, he became enamoured with something he just knew he could never have.

He had never even thought about taking you, drugging you, dragging you to a secluded spot in the woods, or an out of bounds room, derelict over many years.

“I never intended to take you like this, bunny.”

Swallowing hard, you tried to look him in the eyes, gently lifting your head higher and higher until his blue pools of mere unhinged insanity met your own pained orbs. Seeming to like this, he smiled.

His perfect teeth looked more like fangs in the dim, weak moonlight. It had felt like he had managed to suck every molecule of beauty from even the most simple of things.

His voice sounded like the devil; harsh, unforgiving lilting tones of false hope daring to stroke you face and make you think you had a good chance at happiness.

You didn’t know when he stopped being Armin and began being a monster. You didn’t know if the lines could be blurred any further.

“I never wanted this, Armin-” 

“Don’t play with me, bunny,” he snapped. His slender fingers wound themselves in your clean hair, twisting and searching for a soft spot to pull. When he found it, he lightly tugged; barely, but you still winced from the thought of the last time he did this. 

You still wanted to believe that he was quiet, sweet Armin who still had an unstoppable fascination with you, but he was harmless then. Or was he? Was he faking his intentions? Did he have it planned from the very beginning? 

You wanted to choke yourself for believing his simple demeanour, his dedication to the cause of the Survey Corps just like everyone else. He was a liar. He was a predator in all ways, ensnaring you, his perfect prey. 

Only now had Armin realized just how confused you were. 

You didn’t understand his love for you. You thought he hated you! 

Now that wouldn’t do.

Armin could have have kicked himself. All of his stern discipline and rules stemming from his love and protection meant that you mistook for him being cruel. He was doing this out of his devotion! 

How could he assume you would understand if he never told you, if he never proved his love?

“Armin, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything, I swear-” You took a deep breath, cutting yourself off. Now was not the place or time to be losing your composure; you still were trying to get used to the fact that you were being held against your will. 

“Hush”, he suddenly murmured, gently taking your chin in his fingertips, before moving them to tenderly cup your face, his eyes darting anywhere that he could lay his gaze upon.

The gestures were so tender you found your cheeks erupting with a wild blush, the burning shame hitting you moments later when your hatred and slight fear hit you like a slap to the face. 

Your embarassment only got worse when you felt his soft lips kiss your throat, his warm breath flush against your skin. His hands found themselves back in your hair again, stroking it, petting it, twisting it round and round his finger. His right hand caressed your nape, spreading his fingers so that they only just covered the width of your neck, and he pulled you closer, so that your head was nuzzled into his neck, buried beneath his love and fascination.

It all clicked. 

Armin wasn’t just interested in you. 

He was obessed with you.

Obsessively in love with you. 

You felt pathetic. You felt weak. But in a strange way, you also felt loved. 

You had no choice but to resign yourself to his touch, letting your head fall limp as he cradled you to his chest.

“Good bunny.”

[damonsvftie]

𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝

MASTERLIST☁️

Summary: What happens when everyone at Hogwarts finds out about you, a muggle born, being in a secret relationship with the one and only Draco Malfoy?

Warning: cursing :))

Note: THIS IS FOR @obsessedwithrandomthings WRITING CHALLENGE WOO! congrats for achieving your milestone and I had a lot of fun writing this 🙇🏻‍♀️👑

A herd of students from all houses, crowded around Seamus Finnigan as he held the daily prophet in front of him. Everyone gasped and glanced at one another in shock. Not knowing what the big deal was, I made my way to the crowd when everyone’s attention slowly diverted on me. “What are you lot looking at?” I asked defensively , my face twisted as I shifted under my weight uncomfortably. Was something wrong with my hair? Was there something on my face? Why had everyone’s gaze suddenly fixed on me?

“Y/l/n... your in the daily prophet,” Neville answered as everyone took a step away from me, huddling all together. Hurrying up to Finnigan, I snatched the newspaper out of his hand as my eyes skimmed the printed words. There it was. The most embarrassing moment of my life.

SECRET RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN y/l/n AND HEIR OF MALFOY?!

“I’m so going to get her back,” I muttered under my breathe through gritted teeth. Draco Malfoy came towards the crowd with a smug expression on his face. “What’s all the fuss about?”. He took no time in snatching the newspaper out of my hand as his eyes darted from word to word, scanning ever single thing that was printed upon the daily Phropet.

Underneath the headline, consisted a bunch of pictures of me and Draco with the subheading ‘a timeline of their secret relationship’ in which we would either be all over one another or holding each other tight. Draco’s eyes darted to my figure as I stared into outer space, fumbling my fingers.

Everyone blinked continuously in awe, waiting for someone to say something. Breaking the silence I decided to speak up for myself. “ Whatever you’ve read isn’t true, I wouldn’t ever go out with someone as vile as Malfoy,” I spat, trying to make my words sound as realistic as possible. “It makes me sick to my stomach that you all believe the nonsense that Reeta comes out with,” i sneered. “But that doesn’t explain the pictures tho-” mumbled the Patil sisters.

The words in my throat were stuck and I just wanted to run away from everyone and hide forever. I crossed my arms as I gave everyone a deathly glare. “If any of you believe in this bullshit then I don’t wanna know any of you,” I firedback before storming out of the great hall, my footsteps clattering audibly in the corridors as I heard Malfoy shouting profanities at every single one of them. —

The whole week, everyone was continuously gossiping about the whole ‘SeCrEt rElAtIoNsHip’ drama between me and Draco. Somehow thinking the same thing, me and him decided to ignore the rumours, let alone meet up again. The secret was already out.

The next day, Draco had written me a letter and sent it to me at midnight. Startled at the sound of someone clawing, I scrambled up from the mattress of my bed and quietly tiptoed to the window, making sure I didn’t wake up my roommate. Opening the window, Draco’s owl sat on the frame as it cocked its head, its beak gripping onto a sealed envelope. Taking the letter from the owl, I stroked its feathers before it left. I for sure knew what this was about.Unsealing the envelope, my hands slightly trembled as I unfolded the paper, now reading what he had written.

Y/n,

Meet me at the astronomy tower now.

Draco,

Slipping on my robe that rested on my coat hanger, I closed the creaking door behind me as I made my way to the tower.

Resting against the railings was a platinum haired boy who’s skin shone in the moonlight. I let out a fake cough, almost as if I were letting him know that I had arrived. His head turned around halfway before it reverted back into his original position. His arms propped up against the railing as he stared straightforward into space.

Hesitating, I made my way up to him and did the same thing as him. Copying his actions, we stood their staring into nowhere for a long amount of time until the silence was broken. “I’m glad you came,” he mumbled, just loud enough for me to hear, his eyes still fixed into outer space. “Yeah-” I replied softly, my lips pursing together into a fine line. “You do know I’m sorry right?” My eyes now trailing his gorgeous, defined face. “What are you sorry for?” He questioned almost eagerly as his face turned to meet mine, his feet still glued to the floor. “The whole.. secret relationship thing,” my hands making quotations into the air.

He didn’t respond back at all until he finally opened his mouth again. “Y/n... I think it’s better if we go our .. separate ways,” he insisted, his hands jamming into his pockets as he huffed under his breath. My face twisted in disbelief as I could feel the water in my eyes building up. “What?” My voice cracking at the end as I turned on my heels to face him completely. “What do you mean?! Draco- are you giving up on us?” Tears now pricking my eyes as my lips curved into a frown. “I have to do this.. I have to do this for us y/n. We don’t have a choice,” his breathing becoming more rapid.

Crossing my arms and rubbing my shoulders together, i looked down at my feet, in hope of not creating any sort of contact. “Is this because... because I’m a muggle?” My eyes glancing up at him as tears rolled down my cheeks.“Love isn’t supposed to be this hard is it?” He didn’t respond. He reached his hand out and tried to comfort me before I shrugged him off me completely. “Thanks... for messing this up for us,” my feet taking steps backwards until I disappeared into the darkness.

The next few days, Draco had tried reaching out me in every single way that was available. Unluckily for him, I ignored every single one of his tactics. If he wanted us to go our separate ways then it be so. What hurted the most, was that he had broken up with me because I was a muggleborn unlike him. Our difference in blood status, caused a rift between the two of us and it was already known that the Malfoy’s wouldn’t ever accept me as their daughter-in-law but that was a chat for another time.

Draco had already given up on us and if that was what he wanted, then that was what he was going to get.

“Come on y/l/n! Just go and talk to him,” pleaded Crabbe. Malfoy had sent him to go and talk me in. He could have honestly done it himself despite the fact that he was literally 10 metres away from us eyeing me while he chewed on an apple as he sat in a tree. “Fine, only because I know he won’t stop,” I groaned before striding up to Draco.

“What do you want?!” Venom laced into my voice as I yelled at the boy from above. Jumping out of the tree, he landed on both feet, a few inches away from me. “Look- I was wrong,” he muttered. I cocked my head in confusion as my arms folded against my chest. “For what?” I retorted.

Within seconds, Malfoy was already closing the gap between the two of us, his thumb drawing circles on my cheek. “What are you doing?” My breathing hitching at the sudden move. His slender finger pressed against my lip as I drew my eyes into the middle. All he did was hush me before pressing his lips against mine. “What was that- that- for?” My words tripping over one another. “So I say we should try this again,” he muttered gently, his minty breathe fanning my face as my gaze fixed on his beautiful, glistening eyes.

Pulling away from him I gulped hard. “No..,” I answered. His brows furrowed as a look of confusion smeared his face. "No because I’m aware that you want to keep things lowkey,” I elaborated, chewing my bottom lip as a coping mechanism. “Y/n.. I’m being serious.. I wanna take this to the next level,” he replied, the tone of his voice soft like butter. I started giggling and then it turned into laughter as he looked even confused than before. “No your not,” I laughed before he tugged on my arm, pulling me into the crowd of people that roamed around the hogwarts grounds.

His arm slung around my shoulder, intertwining his fingers into mine as we freely walked around the grounds. My face glancing up at his as I batted my lashes confused. We earned many glances from others. Everyone’s eyes seemed as if they were bulging out of their sockets. Walking inside Hogwarts I threw multiple questions at him which he dodged ever so smoothly until we reached the outskirts of the great hall.

“Wait- Wait- What are you doing?” I gasped harshly under my breathe. He looked down at me giving me a warm smile before walking into the huge substantial doors. Everyone and I mean everyone, shifted their attention towards the two of us. We walked over to the Slytherin table and sat beside Blaise Zabini and Goyle while ever single student in the hall erupted into whispers, gossiping with one another. Things took a turn when Draco pecked me on the lips and everybody’s jaws dropped at the uncalled for action.

“Damn right I knew it was true,” muttered Zabini.

[caiminnent]

please, be golden [kylux, rated T]

PROMPT: worked themselves to exhaustion (@badthingshappenbingo​​​, 12/25) & @kyluxzineproject​

SUMMARY: After Snoke's death, Supreme Leader Ren and General Hux try to keep the First Order from falling apart—each in their own way.

FANDOM: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy

TAGS: Bad Things Happen Bingo, First Order Politics (Star Wars), Diplomacy, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Established Relationship, Courting, Idiots in Love, Overworked Armitage Hux, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Stimulants

NOTES: Here is my Kylux Standard Zine work to pair with @mi-caw-ber​‘s amazing art! Find the art here on Tumblr and weep with me.

Below is only a 1.4k of snippet of the fic; because posting 11k on Tumblr in one go is just... no.

11K || ALSO ON AO3

Ren barges in at 0225.

Rather, Ren bangs his massive paw on the door and waits just long enough to make it technically not barging in before the access panel beeps. He storms past the office space without a stray glance in. The refresher door slams closed a moment later.

Well. That answers how it went.

Hux sighs, slumping in his chair. Figures that Ren would choose now to leave his lair. He couldn’t have shown himself when Hux could use his intimidating presence yesterday, of course not. Couldn’t have defended the Order he’s supposed to be leading against that boar Kratkitki at the holo-conference earlier. No, Hux had to face all that, alone—like he always does.

He ought to cite reports to write and turn Ren away—better yet, let him stay. Would serve Ren well to toss and turn alone while Hux sits in the next room, nearby but unreachable. No help at all.

If only.

Double-checking that the documents are synched, he disconnects his datapad and switches off the monitor, leaving the empty cups lying on his desk. It’s going to be a seven-minute shower, if Ren’s eerie silence is any indication; tidying up can wait.

He’s wrong, for once. It’s full ten minutes before Ren steps out of the refresher in a cloud of humidity and honey soap—long enough for Hux to change and leave a clean set out for Ren, for hygiene’s sake. Ren might be fine with wearing the same clothes for a standard week straight; but he’s not coming anywhere near Hux’s bed in them.

At least Ren stopped taking offence at the gesture.

Ren undresses swiftly, not a care for modesty—his or Hux’s. Keeping his eyes on the clothes he’s folding and putting away, “Your quarters come with a ‘fresher attached as well, surely,” Hux says. A nice one, too, what with having been Snoke’s star pupil back in the day. Ren has no reason to keep coming to Hux’s quarters for a shower. “Unless you destroyed yours.”

The bundle of black fabric floating past halts above the hamper.

Hux’s stomach sinks.

A muscle in his cheek twitching, “Ren,” he sighs, the word sour in his mouth. He was jesting, for stars’ sake. They are—he thought they were beyond meaningless destruction by now, that it had become one of those things: things from their shared past that they could gingerly jest about now, to be openly laughed at one day. Isn’t that why they’re doing this? What’s the point of this if it’s not helping Ren keep his head?

Nothing, obviously.

Hands clenching and unclenching at his sides, “I didn’t destroy my refresher,” Ren says, his voice only slightly raspy with disuse instead of the regular post-tantrum hoarseness.

Then again, if Ren had had a tantrum and gone through his quarters, someone would have heard and reported it to Hux, too. His datapad has been mercifully—mercilessly—quiet the entire delta shift.

A twinge of guilt passes through his chest.

“All right,” he says, because sorry doesn’t belong between the two of them. If they started to apologise for every hurtful word and assumption they have ever thrown at each other’s face, they would be here all month.

Not that the word is likely to exist in Ren’s vocabulary.

“I didn’t!” Ren snaps, the corners of his lips turning down at the perceived insult, body growing stiffer in indignation—on the verge of that tantrum, now. The hovering bundle starts quivering violently.

Stars, it is far too late into the delta shift to deal with Ren’s moods.

Resisting the urge to dig the heels of his palms into his eyes until white sparks in his vision—satisfying as it would have been—Hux forces the lines of his body to relax instead, an invitation for Ren to mirror him. The simplest way to defuse Ren is to give him a lead to follow.

Meeting his gaze, “I believe you, Ren,” he says, mild but clear, honest—at least, honest-sounding enough to give Ren’s building agitation a pause. He doesn’t give Ren time to size up his sincerity before heading to the refresher himself, unlatching Ren’s dirty bundle from empty air along the way.

He doesn’t linger long, still not comfortable going about his full routine while not alone in his quarters. A hot shower to wash away the cycle’s—hells, week’s—troubles would be blissful; but the cubicle is still wet from Ren’s turn and anyway, the idea of undressing again and standing under the spray doesn’t hold much appeal at this hour, even if he already won’t be able to fall asleep soon with the amount of caf in his system.

Besides, the Supreme Leader is waiting.

He half-expects to find Ren still standing there and fidgeting when he walks in; but Ren has already settled in the middle of the bed, a dark lump against the white bedding, the plush duvet pushed to his waist. Ren has done him the courtesy of letting him choose his side, although it matters little when he pulls Hux close as soon as Hux slides under the covers. Hux puts up only the token fight before getting comfortable between Ren’s arms, kicking the rest of the duvet out of the way. Ren runs hot enough to make any extra coverage unbearable within minutes.

They lie in… not peace, but an acceptable approximation of it. His head is buzzing with everything he’ll need to take care of after his first cup of caf later in the cycle; Ren distracts him by nosing at his neck, his ear, his hair before it can latch onto anything specific. For his own sake. When they are—when Ren is being this way, affectionate and indulgent, Hux is foolishly, dangerously willing to dismiss that Ren is the reason his task list is so long. That he wouldn’t even be in Hux’s bed right now had Ren not failed again.

He is too tired to muster up the disappointment.

“Tell me something,” Ren whispers.

“Yes?”

Ren shifts behind him. “No, I mean—talk to me. Tell me about your week.”

He snorts. “You don’t want to hear about my week.” Nor does Hux want to talk about his week, giant waste of time that it has been. Following-up on holo-mails that go nowhere, trying to prioritise the plethora of critical issues they must allocate for in their budget, status reports that show nothing but how the High Command is sitting with their thumbs up their arses while the First Order’s funds dwindle and glory slips further out of their reach. If he were the Supreme Leader—

—but of course, he isn’t the Supreme Leader. Is that not the root of their predicament? Nothing he can offer to potential allies and benefactors will ever be enough to sway them to their cause while the Supreme Leader of the First Order hides away and seeks guidance from ghosts.

A breeze brushes against his mind; mild, warm wind over chilled skin, caked scent of suns over damp ground, raw dough and—

His jaw locks with a click, a lungful of recycled air and faux-honey shattering the deception easily enough. That storm is developing across his forehead again, the spot above his brow pulsing in time with his heart hammering in his throat. “Ren.”

“I’m not in your head,” Ren amends. “I just sensed your… grievances.”

“You are the biggest,” Hux grits out, shifting away—Ren’s arm snaked across his entire middle holds him in place. When did that happen? “Ren. Let go of me.”

“Talk to me,” Ren repeats, chapped lips catching on Hux’s hair. “I can’t ease your mind if you don’t.”

It will take more than half-remembered pillow talk to ease Hux’s mind. It will take more than talking, if they are to solve anything. However, Ren has got a point. Division of work is a key principle in a functional organisation so long as all parties are aware of the big picture—which Ren might not be, having operated outside of the Order for the longest time. Perhaps it’s time for an alternate approach.

When Hux isn’t hurting to sink his teeth at Ren’s bared throat and Ren can be reasonably expected not to fling himself into that temper tantrum they’ve narrowly missed at the slightest provocation.

“Tomorrow,” he promises. Tomorrow, they talk.

[washipink]

The Great BCB Reread: “In the End” - “Piece of Cake”

You may have realized making posts about each and every chapter would take far too goddamn long! As such, I’ve read the rest of volume 2 and ALL of volume 3 to bring to you a new post.

Let’s talk new characters:

Jasmine is a fun addition to the cast. She’s a bit more reflective of your typical overachiever. She isn’t really a tryhard in terms of studies like Abbey and Daisy are but, she still tries to keep her game up in any area possible. She has the same fun-loving nature as Paulo but significantly less freetime to make use of it. Jasmine is an interesting little paradox of a character that I find myself relating to a bit too much in recent years.

Sandy’s in this chunk of chapters too... honestly, I find Sally a bit boring in her earlier appearances. That’s mainly because the crux of her issues haven’t started yet. I don’t like Sally as a PERSON but, as a character who is so clearly in need of Mike’s attention she’s neat.

Oh right, Molly’s new too!! Molly is... a child. A child with a lot of baggage. She really helps grant some perspective on what’s going on inside Abbey’s head. They both went through very similar trauma and cope with it in drastically different ways. Molly keeps up hope that one day her mom is going to come back to her. It absolutely breaks my heart knowing that won’t happen...

Let’s talk about an issue I have

I’m not a fan of how often wh*re is thrown around early in the comic. I am very glad that it basically vanishes from the comic in later years. This might be tied to the fact that the comic as a whole is a lot less sexually charged. I’m glad Veronica has generally shifted the vocalubary of the comic away from slurs and derogitory terms.

The rest of this post will be in four sections: Paulo and Jasmine, Paulo and Lucy, Lucy and Augustus, and Lucy and Mike.

I read BCB for the characters and as such, I’m gonna talk about the characters.

Paulo and Jasmine

This is the first legitimate romantic relationship Paulo has had thus far. While Jasmine’s relationship with Paulo isn’t the first time he’s legitimately looking out for a woman emotionally, it’s the first time anything “official” is made of it.

Jasmine is an excellent foil to Paulo, honestly. They have the same kid-like spirit. They love causing trouble. But in the end, Jasmine has more goals laid out for herself that Paulo. It causes them to but heads. The worst kinds of relationships are ones where you’re never spending time with the people you love. Paulo has an intense fear that Jasmine will grow distant from him because of her extracariculars.

Paulo and Lucy

Some people just see Paulo as a womanizing prick who only cares about sex. Those people don’t know anything about how he treats Lucy.

Paulo constantly tries to exist as someone for Lucy to lean on. “Another Shoulder” to cry on. In this set of chapters, Paulo sees Lucy at her most vulnerable and goes out of his way to stop her from making rash decisions. She tries to get him to sleep with her as a coping mechanism and he says “No. Lucy, you are NOT in the right headspace and it would have been wrong of me to capitalize.”

These two clearly care about each other SO SO SO MUCH. I love every second of screentime they share because they work so well together and they’re emotionally available to one another.

Lucy and Augustus

Let’s get one thing straight.

What Augustus did to Daisy was inexcusible. It’s a serious issue and I refuse to trivialize that.

That being said, Bittersweet Candy Bowl is full of characters commiting terrible acts and coming to terms with what they did later on. While I don’t think Augustus could make it up to Daisy, I think he is capable of growing into a person who would never do something so dispicable again. He even goes out of his way to say “I respect that Daisy doesn’t like me and for her sake, I’m not going near her.”

Augustus’s status as a Problematic Person Of Interest makes Lucy look at him as almost a mirror. She considers herself to be just as deplorable, especially after a certain discussion with Mike. Lucy keeps muscling her way into Augustus’s freetime because she feels like only another “terrible person” could ever find reason not to hate her. This isn’t proper reasoning but, I do feel happy thinking of the progress the two of them made because of each other. (Not a fan of shipping them tho...)

Mike and Lucy

I’d like to talk about “December”.

This chapter is a testiment to how much I dislike Mike. After complaining about the idea of being partnered with Lucy SO MUCH that he gets partnered with Lucy, he takes it out on her the entire night. She tries to cheer him up with a break from work and that’s going fine until Sally texts. When Lucy takes legitimate interest in Mike’s Happiness, he tries to force her out of his home.

Lucy may have been cruel to Mike as they grew up but, I feel like the things Mike says to Lucy in this chapter cross the line from petty bullying into psychological abuse.

Mike straight up tells Lucy that he can and will cause everyone she loves to cut her out of their lives. He tells Lucy that no one will EVER love her and that she’s simply a parasite.

I don’t think it’s absurd to say that things like this will stick in someone’s head and hurt them a lot more than “haha, your scarf is stupid.”

Lucy attacks Mike on a surface level simply on impulse and nerves.

Mike attacks Lucy’s mental health directly and harshly after having time to think about it.

Sometimes, Lucy will come to Mike intending to talk things out and Mike will turn around and walk away.

[purplesurveys]

766

My dad is starting to gear me up for ~adult life~ and has made me start a Paypal, a social security number, and all that jazz and it’s making me immensely anxious, so expect more surveys than usual in the next few days lmao.

How frequently are you inclined to read, and how much? Not frequent at all. I’ll read only if I have to; and when it comes to reading for leisure, I’ll only reread books I’ve already read in the past. I find it sad considering how big of a bookworm I was as a kid. When was the last time you questioned the direction your life was taking? Right now, what with the Covid crisis. My life would have been mapped out ever so neatly if my life’s schedule went as expected - finish the sem, finish my thesis, graduate, travel for a bit, get a job. Now that that has been thrown out the window I essentially have to start from scratch and go into the world blind. And if you've been reading my surveys, you’ll know my least favorite thing to have to deal with is big change. Would you say that your personal views align with society's, generally? Not the society I have no choice but to be surrounded by, which is mostly Catholic, homophobic, sexist, and just very backwards in general. But when it comes to people I voluntarily choose to be with, like the friends I make and the people I follow on social media, I make sure their views are as liberal as mine so I don’t go completely crazy. ^ If not, in what ways do your opinions drastically differ? I just said it, but yeah Filipinos continue to be very resistant to more open-minded, modern views. Girls will still often be told to cover up, religions other than Christianity are viewed as wrong and of lower status, abortion is the most scandalous thing a woman could do, drug addicts must be handled with bullets and not rehab, etc. Basically everything you can roll your eyes over, that’s what Filipinos will tend to side with; and it’s very difficult to want to have your voice heard here because you will be ridiculed and thrown Bible verses instead of legit arguments. What small things have the ability to get under your skin? People who only start picking their orders once they’re the ones at the cashier, drivers who do have their turn signal on but will go THE OTHER DIRECTION, finding out there’s a car accident and I find out traffic has been building up only because drivers slow down to look at the crash site. The last one makes me especially mad every time it happens lol.

When was the last time you were caused to be upset with someone? I haven’t been upset with anyone in a while. If I’m upset these days, blame it on the weather. ^ Have you made up with that individual yet, or will you ever? I will never be ok with the summer climate over here. What is something small that has the ability to cure a bad mood? Hearing a favorite song on the radio as I’m driving, hitting all the green lights while driving, finding a parking spot near the mall entrance... man I really miss going out :(( What beverage is best capable of quenching your thirst? Water. What was the last big change through which you went? It hasn’t happened yet but I’ll be graduating and will officially be done with school forever in a few weeks. I mean, that’s the case unless I decide to take up a master’s but honestly the chances of that are super blurry as I’m over school at this point. ^ Do you deal well with change, typically? Have you always? I am honestly terrible at it and as much as I’m excited to get my first real job, I’m also scared to see how my adjustment pans out. I’ve had a pattern for not being able to adapt well to a new phase – I didn’t adjust in high school until my junior year, and I didn’t adjust in college until the latter half of my sophomore year. I really wish the trend doesn’t continue in the workplace because I can’t handle another mental slump. How do you feel after spending a great quantity of time online? I feel nothing? I mean I need the internet to do almost everything so it’s just become a part of daily routine; it’s normalized already. I would tend to feel some shame if I’ve been unproductive online when I could’ve been doing much more important stuff, but I’ve been avoiding that - I’ve been working on my thesis again, working on stuff for my org, participating in my other extracurriculars, etc. I feel relatively productive given the current circumstances. What do you consider to be the biggest drawback to being you? Like I said, I’m terrible with change. It takes forever for me to warm up to new conditions, and in that period I tend to feel very alone and miserable. I don’t know why I’ve never learned to just get out and make friends earlier. What do you consider the best part of being who you are? ^ Related to said drawback, once I have adjusted to the change, I do very well. I make lots of friends and am back to being my bubbly, social self. I just wish She could come out more easily. What kinds of things do you have on display in your room? Several Audrey Hepburn frames, a couple of paintings, and a poster of a Korean actor. What do you think your room and its contents say about you, if anything? I think more than anything you’ll see how my interests have shifted over the years haha. There’s tons of old WWE magazines, Paramore albums, Beyoncé albums and DVDs, crafty stuff like painting sets and coloring books, etc. When was the last time you felt insecure about something/some situation? Half hour ago when my dad was encouraging me to register for a bunch of grownup stuff. He doesn’t pester me a lot in small bits everyday (which I would really prefer); he’s more of a I’ll-dump-all-this-shit-on-you-in-one-go kind of person, which pressures me even more. I mean I’m excited for this new chapter but I wish he didn’t tell me to start a bank account and a Paypal and a social security number and a TIN all at the same time. What is something about which you are very confident or self-assured? I pride myself on being a good worker/co-worker. Do you ever stop to contemplate infinity? No. Are you comfortable amongst nature, or does the wilderness discomfit you? Sure, it makes me feel at peace. When was the last time someone or something caught you off guard? Andrew did a buuuunch of progress on our thesis this afternoon after a few days of passive-aggressively telling him that I’ve been doing all the work in the last week. How much time do you put into maintaining your appearance and hygiene? I don’t want to take a lot of time since I’m usually on a tight schedule but I do put enough effort to look and smell nice, if that makes sense. Like I wouldn’t take hours to do my makeup and put up an intricate hairdo, but I will still make sure I don’t exit the house looking shabby. Are there any foods you eat daily? . . . Or wish you could? I have rice and some sort of meat everyday. When was the last time someone new entered your life? Start of the semester when we had a new wave of applicants joining our org. ^ What was your first impression of that individual? They all seemed nice and fun to be around, and I’m glad their batch has had amazing chemistry from the get-go. But because of the lockdown I never got to know them all that well so I’m a little sad about it, since I’m already graduating. Do you put much thought into your handwriting? No? It’s not really something I can control anyway haha. What are some of the top priorities in your life right now? Ugh I’ve talked about this so much on here that it’s almost stupid because I take these surveys to begin with to distract myself from my current anxieties only for the surveys to ask about said anxieties ksksksks. Can I say pass for now? Lol In general, how do you feel about romantic relationships? They’re nice, and it feels good to have a person you can share everything to, be affectionate with, who supports you in everything, etc. I’ve been used to being in one for so long now I honestly can’t imagine being single. Which emotional sensation inconveniences or bothers you the most? As if I haven’t talked about it on this single survey enough, anxiety. Are you capable of consoling others in their grief? It depends on how bad is the thing they’re grieving and how accepting they are of help. I don’t know if I’m capable of talking to someone who has lost a parent, but I’ll be able to talk to a friend who’s going through a breakup. Do you ever find it awkward to compliment another being? No. I can give compliments, but I’m unable to take them. When was the last time you had a new experience? What was it? Earlier this afternoon when my dad made me make a Paypal hahaha. Skskss plz stop reminding me of scary things Do you dress more for yourself, or to the expectations of others? A little bit of both. I want to look nice, but I also make sure I keep up with the trends so others think I look nice. What kinds of things tend to stress you out? The stuff I’ve mentioned throughout this survey... What is one way you cope when you feel like crap? I watch videos, I eat whatever I’m craving, I talk about it with my girlfriend, I hug my dog... I have a lot of coping mechanisms.

Name an insult you regularly receive, if there is one? My mom tells me so many insults on a regular basis I can put each one of them in a spinning wheel and give you whatever comes out lol. Name a site that takes up a lot of your time? YouTube. What is something you used to believe about life that you no longer do? That money was easy to acquire. It was certainly so easy to fantasize about as a kid. What is a lesson you have recently learned? I don’t recall picking up anything new lately. Realizations, sure; but I’m not sure about lessons. Do you have a tendency to look on the morbid side of life? Sometimes. When was the last time you went shopping? What did you buy? A weekend before the quarantine. I bought a couple of new tops. When you shop for clothing, how long does it take you? 10-15 minutes tops. I just pick out whatever looks pretty. What is something fun you have done within the past week? It’s been a horrid week. I can’t answer this question. What is something you hope you never have to do again? Stay at home with nothing to do for this long. How does the rain affect your mood, if it does? It makes me feel happy and at peace.

[minttoy]

Daylight (Ch 3)

CHAPTER THREE

Summary: “She spent so much time counting her days. Finally, she sees her future clear as daylight.” - Linhardt helps Lysithea survive more than the war.

Pairings: Linhardt/Lysithea

Click here to read on FF.net.

Click here to read on AO3.

----------

Weeks later, she’s still flipping through the days. Some passages are easier to read and few of them trigger difficult memories. It’s a blessing she cannot recall most of the things written in these pages.

Lysithea must look particularly haggard this morning, because Professor Hanneman waltzes into the room and starts the day with a peculiar joke.

“Are you and Linhardt married, by any chance?” he asks, a smirk dancing on his lips.

She’s tired and has no energy to vehemently deny it. “No.”

He’s hardly fazed. “Engaged, perhaps? Promised to one another?”

She shakes her head. “Neither.”

“Oh, but there’s something there, correct? The two of you seem to enjoy each other’s company.”

She does not remember Hanneman being this nosy. Perhaps Professor Manuela has been rubbing off him. “There is nothing between us,” she says, the words rolling lazily off her tongue. “We are not married, nor engaged, nor promised. We don’t talk about kids, or money, or growing old together. None of that.”

Poor logic at its finest, but she’s willing to admit it escapes her temporarily.

“Can I safely assume you two are not sleeping together?”

She startles, spilling a portion of her teacup as she brings it to her lips. “Excuse me?”

“Hmm.” He scratches his beard. “I suppose not.”

Lysithea hisses as she registers the burn from the still-hot tea water.

“Is there a point to this?” she inquires, holding back none of her irritation. With a sleeve, she wipes off a stain from the front of her shirt.

He shrugs loosely. “Perhaps.”

His response incites a harsh glare from the girl, but it does not last long. She reaches for her handkerchief across the table to pat down her skirt.

“This is highly inappropriate, especially from a man of your stature. I would appreciate if you were more respectful and unassuming of my relationships,” she says distractedly. “We share common goals and interests. There’s nothing beyond that.”

The suggestion was never meant to sound romantic, but she realizes in hindsight how it can be interpreted as such. Hanneman knows it too and raises her a brow.

“Linhardt is my apprentice and I know him very well,” he starts. “Believe me when I say I have never seen him more committed to anything than he is to you, my dear.”

She peers up at him briefly, and then back down to the soiled handkerchief in her hands. It’s easier to focus on other things when her face is flushed pink.

Hanneman continues, “I know what it takes to renounce one’s nobility – I’ve committed the act myself a long time ago. You give up almost everything. The people you call family, inheritance, prestige and status, the place you consider home, even a bit of yourself...” He shakes his head solemnly. “…it’s unfortunate. Despite all of that, at the end of the day, you are still the selfish one.”

Her gaze is trained to the wooden table, but she’s listening.

“My point is, I am certain Linhardt sacrificed much to be here.”

She blinks twice and looks up. “What are you insinuating?”

Her inquiry is blunt, but it’s not meant to accuse or invoke tension. The entire exchange has her squirming in her seat, even if he’s only protecting him.

“I am simply curious of his motivations,” the older man explains, meeting her gaze. “That boy is difficult to inspire and persuade, and I’ve seen it firsthand. I thought maybe you’ve done something to fuel his sudden ambition.”

She narrows her eyes. “I always assumed he took this up on his own volition, but I’m also willing to admit it’s a little far-fetched. If you’re wondering about monetary incentives, I’m not paying him or doing him any favours.”

“I never even wondered such a thing.”

She considers the idea once more. “…is it something I should be thinking about?”

“Heavens I hope not, or I would be sorely disappointed,” he scoffs.

“So what is it then?”

“You tell me.” Hanneman arches a single brow and presses further, “You said yourself the nature of your relationship is strictly business. Nothing personal beyond your collegiate partnership. Isn’t that right?”

Lysithea processes the complicated thought and attempts understanding for herself, wondering why this conversation keeps circling back on itself. The reason she keeps finding herself here.

Why do I feel like running.

She crumbles underneath his sharper gaze. “…that’s right.”

He leans back in his seat. “What’s your take on it?”

The question lingers.

“I don’t know,” she tells honestly, after a pause.

Silence envelopes them briefly.

“My apologies, child. I don’t mean to push you.” His gloved hand goes to her shoulder, and when she chances a second glance, his gaze is visibly softer. “It just warms this old man’s heart to see two of his students here at the monastery. There hasn’t been this much excitement since…well, a long time.”

She sighs, “Do you have to be so meddlesome?”

He feigns an affronted expression. “Can you blame a researcher for inquiring? I was simply…stating my observations, if you will. Did it come off as imposing? Forgive me.” His lips tug to a small smirk under his moustache. Unapologetic, despite what he says. “I admit. Occasionally I delight in wishful thinking. You see, Linhardt reminds me of my younger self. Fascinated with crestology, how it shapes the world’s foundation and transforms the individuals within it. Regrettably, I missed things because of it. The more I devoted myself to research, the more other dreams slipped further from my reach.”

Lysithea frowns and raises a brow.

“Before I pass from this world, it would give me great gratification to know he pursued such dreams. This applies for you as well, actually. Chase your ambitions, but don’t skip on life. You should get married, take care of each other, and have children. Research is its own reward, but I believe there are greater, more joyful things in life. Take this as advice from your old teacher and mentor.”

“Your advice is oddly specific,” she points out.

He laughs, characteristically barky, but jolly nonetheless. “I expect an invitation to your wedding when it comes.”

She breathes a lengthy exhale and loses her patience. Hasty, she downs the remainder of the hot tea and gathers her papers in her arms.

“That’s enough. I am done indulging in your strange and improbable fantasies–”

“Improbable? I beg to differ.”

“–I have little time as it is! We need to get back to work.”

He smirks at her attempt at scolding. Young, impulsive and puppy-like. A coping mechanism, he realizes. He indulges her anyway, gathering a portion of her file and adjusting his monocle.

“As you wish, my dear.”

----------

Lysithea is in the middle of bookmarking old texts when she hears it. A small gasp, barely even an audible breath, in the midst of the crest analyzer’s machinal sounds. She peers to the side to investigate the small commotion, observing the subtleties in Linhardt’s bare expression.

“What is it?”

He swallows hard and stares with furrowed brows. “This sample, it’s…crestless.”

His lack of energy casts a measure of doubt, but she strides over anyway. Wordlessly, he hands her the glass slide containing a drop of her blood and she runs it through the analyzer herself.

She waits.

Nothing.

No symbols appears before her.

No Charon.

No Gloucester.

No crest.

The blood is pure.

She feels her stomach drop. Her knees grow weak. She pans over to green-haired man, who jots down notes with a nonchalant flair. For someone who just reached his first real breakthrough, he is severely lacking in enthusiasm. Perhaps it’s the exhaustion.

“What does this mean?” she asks.

“It means we’re moving in the right direction,” he says blandly, not looking up.

She blinks at his aloofness, wondering what goes on in that tired and brilliant mind.

Linhardt finishes writing, flips the book shut and yawns into his hand. He finds her muddled expression.

“I’m not satisfied just yet,” he explains quietly. “On the bright side, it seems the formula I used on this particular sample yields promising results. I’m willing to test it on others to ensure it has the same effectiveness.”

He’s withholding himself, it seems. Saving the joy until the work is finished.

“I could draw more blood,” she offers, matching his tone.

He gives her a sheepish frown. She hides bruised arms under her sleeves.

“Please and thank you.”

She turns on her heel, and he catches her wrist when he realizes what she’s doing.

“It can wait until later. You’re tired,” he says. “I have to compound the serum again anyway, which will take time.”

He offers her a smile and she returns it.

----------

The three of them continue to work on this breakthrough. Linhardt, after studying the entirety of her file, is approaching the research with a medical lens. It’s apparent her crests were introduced like toxins to the bloodstream. She either rejected the virus and died, or survived the implants, forcing her crests to co-exist in one body. He intends to remove it the same way, coming up with a formula to dissolve her crests, akin to an antibiotic treating bacteria and disease.

Hanneman almost forgets he’s a proficient healer, well-versed in medicine and its properties.

That’s how they got here. Linhardt sitting on a chair, visibly pale and nauseous, hesitating to offer his arm. He was the one who suggested it – he and Hanneman offering their own blood to the cause, and hoping the recipe can eliminate their crests as well.

“I’m ready. Give me your arm,” she says.

“Please be gentle. The sight of blood makes me uncomfortable.”

She rolls her eyes. “You’ve been working with blood for several months now.”

“That’s different. I dislike watching it spill from the body, especially my own. I should add that needles are frightening as well.”

She gives him an annoyed look, hoping it’s enough to get her message across.

“Do you want the sample or not?”

“I do.”

“Then get over it. It would have been done by now if you stopped whining.”

He takes another deep breath, closes his eyes and finally stretches his arm. As she rolls his sleeves up, another thought flashes and he whips back the limb.

“Linhardt!”

“I’m sorry. Please don’t poke hard. I’m lightheaded as it is.”

He’s pouting, the most childish he’s become as of late.

“If you stay still, it won’t hurt as much.”

He gives her a suspicious eye.

She decides to change tack, softens her gaze and bends down so they’re at eye level. “Hey, I’m good at this, remember? It’ll be quick. You can trust me. I’ve done it on myself several times already.”

The reminder is stinging and leaves with him little choice and room to complain. This time, he offers his arm without another word.

The process is seamless and efficient, just as she promised. His veins stand out against his pale skin and he doesn’t tense when she rubs alcohol on it. He looks away and holds his breath when she punctures his skin. For him, it seems like an eternity until the needle is finally removed, and replaced with the pressure of her fingers. He lets out a long sigh of relief, and sinks down in his seat as if he’s been through a terrible ordeal.

He finally has the courage to look up and finds a smirk on her face.

“What?” he asks.

She removes her gloves and pats his head like she’s proud of him. “Such a good boy. I knew you could do it.”

He scoffs, “I am not a child.”

She laughs, and tips her head to a box on the nearby table. “I got you sweet pastries from town as a reward. Do you want it or not?”

He lights up, betraying himself. He doesn’t think he’s enjoyed her company more. “Yes, please.”

----------

The next step is obvious: a trial.

They’ve agreed to everything so far, but now there are three branches of thought.

Linhardt prefers to experiment with other crest-containing blood samples, reasoning they lack a sample size worthy of definite conclusion.

Hanneman insists on keeping the research between the three of them. This experiment will not be approved in the eyes of people in power, except maybe Edelgard herself.

Lysithea is growing increasingly impatient. Many months have passed since she’s made the monastery her second home and she pushes for the trial herself.

After much hesitation and few heated debates, they agree to one trial. The infirmary is turned upside down. It takes an entire day to prepare the room and concoct the mixture. Beds are moved, shelves restocked and the space is nearly emptied. A plan is devised if things go awry and her body rejects the serum. They don’t have the luxury of test subjects, Lysithea being the only one.

For all the irony in the world, the procedure is alike to blood reconstruction surgery itself. Linhardt admits he took inspiration from the mages to devise the method.

“If you have discomfort, I need to know. You have a penchant for acting stronger than you feel,” he says rather bitterly.

She stops poking around her arm for a vein and glances at the green-haired scholar. Unusually tight-lipped, rigid features on his face and posture incredibly stiff. He’s handling his instruments with a chaotic energy, revealing a side of him that hardly surfaces. He’s irritable and exasperated, which is far from his usually lax demeanor. She’s only seen it a handful of times.

“You agreed to this,” she reminds, matching his tone.

He still cannot look her in the eye. “Not willingly.”

“Don’t start with me,” she warns, keeping her voice low. “We fought about this already.”

He shrugs with nonchalance, and from her perspective, it’s kind of infuriating.

“Hmm. I still think we should wait,” he says, just for the sake of reminding her.

She tries to smile, but it comes off sarcastic and phony. She wonders how apparent it is how much she wants to pull her hair out right now.

“Too late,” she says, knowing how petty it sounds. “It’s happening today.”

“You can still back down. I won’t blame you,” he offers again.

She shakes her head and counters with a firm and decisive, “No. I won’t do that.”

He heaves with frustration and finally looks down at her. She meets his intense blue glare with as much defiance she can muster.

“You’re being impossible. I’m starting wonder if you’re doing this to spite me,” he delivers harshly, in a way he’ll probably regret later. Afterwards, he mutters some excuse about retrieving something from the lab and leaves the room in a matter of seconds.

In the deafening silence that follows, she stares down at the floor, heart suddenly weak and eyes glassy. Her breath is shaky as it comes out. Just as she expects, the feeling of scorn quickly fades into nothing, leaving a pained and bleak disposition in its place. She rubs her eyes before she crumples into a sobbing mess. These recent spats all end the same way. Her coming up empty, instead of angry.

“This will mean nothing later,” Hanneman reassures, suddenly beside her. “Both of you are stubborn. You only fight because you care for each other. If it helps, try to remember what got you here in the first place.”

Her breaths even out slowly. “…I don’t want to fight anymore.”

He shrugs. “You have to work it out somehow. Waiting is safe, but there’s no use dallying and delaying progress either.”

“Am I being unreasonable?” she asks in a whisper.

Hanneman sucks in a breath, and contemplates for a moment.

“It’s…difficult to say. I’m sorry, child. I don’t have all the answers.”

They resume in silence. She tries to pretend it never happened and connects herself to the machine. Linhardt returns a few minutes later, all traces of hardness on his face gone.

She tries not to look his way, except when he stands in front of her.

Their expressions mirror each other; remorseful and apologetic.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers first.

She shakes her head. “It’s my fault. I’m the one pushing you.”

He dismisses it with a shrug. “We’re in this together.”

It eases few of her worries, enough to breathe easy. He gestures for her to take a seat so he can prime the infusion. She obliges without complaint.

“Tell me if you feel anything.”

“I will.”

After what seems like an eternity, it finally starts running. Linhardt gives her a quick onceover before taking the seat beside the professor, opening his book for notetaking.

Somehow, it feels like her last day on earth. She’s waited and dreamed of this since being told her days were numbered. Lysithea shakes her head, tries to throw off the memories.

Fifteen minutes in, there’s a sting in her arm where the needle is located. She tries not to hiss at the pain, but it becomes difficult to hide.

Hanneman sits up, the first to notice. “What’s wrong?”

She grits her teeth. “My arm is sore, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

Linhardt stands, puts away his notebook. “We should stop it.”

“No! I can take it. This is–”

She stops as an abrupt, sharp pain sears the nerves up to her shoulder. It’s burning all of a sudden, and flaring with heat and spasm. Lysithea doesn’t scream, just a gasp and a choked-off cry, but somehow that makes it worse. She winces and folds in on herself.

He stops the machine and disconnects the tubing. That alone eliminates the sharp edge of the burn, but leaves a throbbing cramp in its wake. She collapses backwards in her seat, arm splayed limp beside her.

He’s giving her a look or reprimand, but as far as admonishments go, it’s a gentle one.

“Lysithea. This isn’t about being brave or strong. We only have one shot. If something happens to you, all of this would be for nothing,” he lectures softly, bending down to inspect for bruising or damage.

Hanneman hums in agreement and rises to stretch his arms. “The boy is right. Do not feel inclined to work beyond your limits. Our situation is risky enough as it is.”

She has no reason to get defensive. As far as she’s concerned, this is what she needs to hear. Beside her, she spies the faint glow of light. His magic is familiar to her now. She knows the feel of it: languid, light and listless. It induces a drowsy aftermath and she’s passed out from it before. It’s the work of his crest. Before she succumbs to its effects, she peers down at her partner.

“I really thought it would work,” she whispers, fighting the wave of exhaustion casted by the spell.

His gaze is surprisingly soft. “We’ll have to rework the formula,” he says quietly. Biting his lip, he casts his gaze down to her arm. “There’s a caustic burn on your skin. I’ll heal the nerves as best as I can, but I’m not sure about the scarring…”

She shrugs loosely. “It doesn’t matter.”

He says nothing back, watching as she enters a trance, wilting and slowly yielding to slumber.

“Can you be here when I wake up?” she asks, fighting off another yawn and blinking heavy eyelids.

He tilts his head to one side at the inquiry.

“Okay.”

It’s the last thing she hears before her vision goes blank.

----------

She’s plagued by nightmares, not waking until she’s seeing red and a silent scream is somehow working its way up her throat.

She lunges up from her bed, clutches the material in front of her chest and finds herself breathless. Her back is drenched with sweat and her hands are shaking. She stares blank at the window pane, catching sight of clouds filtering the light of the stars and moon. It casts a dark shadow upon the monastery and the surrounding forests. Slowly, the nightmare leaves her.

After that, she sighs. Lysithea looks down at her arms, one of them sporting an ugly reddened bruise and the other hooked up to a tube. Her gaze lazily flits upwards, finding herself linked to an assortment of fluids. Her head throbs wildly, more so than the fresh burn she acquired from the trial.

She’s alone, but hears the soft whirring of machinery across the hall. Mustering the strength to go, she drags the pole along with her and stops at the front of Hanneman’s office.

“You shouldn’t read in the dark,” she pipes up quietly. “It hurts your eyes.”

Linhardt startles and jerks lightly in the dim candlelight. He inhales deeply, and snaps his book shut.

“You should go back to sleep.”

She shakes her head. “Maybe later.”

He eyes her curiously, a long blue stare. “A nightmare, then.”

She shudders, and then absently presses her fingers against her throat where there’s a pulse. A cold shiver runs up her spine. Linhardt watches idly, staring into her eyes with question.

“It’s odd. I used to have nightmares about ghosts in my room, showing up late for class, or losing my teeth,” Lysithea starts softly, ignoring the constant thrumming in her head. “Nowadays, they’re more about feeling lonely, or losing control, or dying.”

He raises a brow. “Are you scared of dying?”

“I guess so,” she says, mild annoyance seeping through. She purses her lips, then shifts her gaze to the bookshelves. “It’s strange. I was going to die in those dungeons, and the only reason I didn’t was because I was so determined to see what life I could have outside of it, even if it meant surviving my crests. Gosh, I wanted to live so much, and still ended up dying.”

She says it with a hollow lightness, as if the whole thing can be a laughing matter. And then she’s shaking her head and rubbing her face.

“I’ve been counting my days ever since, and I’m sick of it. I’m so hopeless, and bitter, and lonely, and yet…I am still so, so terribly scared.”

Linhardt gazes with a rare tenderness. No words come to mind, so he says nothing.

Inevitably, there’s a long pause.

She drops her arms and unclenches her fists. Her expression is weary. “Do you have nightmares?”

He nods. “Occasionally. Mostly they are bloody visions of war – I wake up thinking I’m still in the throes of battle. To cheer myself up, I imagine myself lying down on a field of grass, in a place where I’m free to sleep, fish, or eat sweets whenever I please.”

She chuckles softly, “That sounds just like you.”

“Does your head hurt? I can help.”

“No, not right now. That magic of yours is like a sedative, and I…” She inhales and picks at her fingers, unsure how to say it. “I’d rather we just…stay, even for a short time.”

The air is so quiet and delicate she wants to bask in it. The lighting is dark, atmosphere thick but not stilted, and the whirring machinery drums like white noise. It’s just the two of them, but the silence is easy and comforting. They’ve let go of their posturing a long time ago. This is the most peace she’s felt in months.

This is what she means to say, even if he doesn’t get it.

He nods, and she’s grateful. Moving her metal pole in front of the sofa, she settles herself comfortably beside him and curls her legs underneath. He brushes off her earlier protest and picks up his book again, reading against the dim candlelight. Eventually she caves and tugs at his sleeve. Wordlessly, he settles the book in the middle so she can read for herself. The rest of the night is filled with silence.

He understands enough.

----------

[moomingitz]

But Chris still has a body of a 12 year old, you know the I'm a 9000 year old lolicon demon so it's okay arguement doesn't work anymore kre right? Chris has an adult form Use that one?

The matter of consent for most of the part has to do with if a person is both mentally and psychology capable of understand and comprehending the consequences of making a decision like being in a relationship or going further than that. Children are not emotionally or psychology ready or capable of doing that. Consent laws not only exist so children don’t get taken advantage of, but it’s also to protect people who may be invalid, or have certain disabilities. Now if someone wanted to enter a mature relationship, or more than that, with another person because they were under the impression the person was underage- well that’s a different matter, not only for the legality of it but other obvious reasons…

There’s a significant difference between Chris being adult-trapped-in-child’s body in season 3 of Sonic X, and the typical 1,000,0000,0000 year old lolicon demon/dragon/God/android you see in a lot of anime now:

Chris’ physical status in the third season was never used in anyway to sexualize him or use it for some form of fan service. The show never treated or framed him in some infantilized fashion during the whole Metarex Arc. Compared to the typical 5 bajillion year old “kawaii desu uuguuuu” loli animu girl who is completely indistinguishable from a child in every single conceivable way, Chris not only actually acted more like his actual age but he had the psychological and comprehension level of the age he actually is during the third season. Even his voice(in the Japanese dub) was a bit deeper in the third season to reflect that(intentionally or not), unlike a totally ancient lolicon/shotacon characters who always has the same shrill high pitched child like voice and manners of speech.

And I know Sonic X was aimed towards a young audience, so obviously they were not going to do stuff like that. But it’s kind of like the same argument when comparing how Rouge is treated and framed, and how the camera treats her, differs compared to other anime and their uses of not only fan service but characters similar to Rouge. Or its what I’m trying to get across here.

Or I guess a better comparison to make would be that one time Ken Penders got himself in hot water by saying he intended for Geoffery St. John to have sex with Sally in order to one up Sonic. One of the many stupid things he said was that Sally was actually 32 in squirrel years. But that whole defense immediately falls a part, because the way he himself framed and treated Sally in pre-reboot Archie was exactly like that of a teenager.

I understand being worried about people using the whole thing of Chris being in a old physical 12 year old body in the Metarex arc as some way to just make Rule 34 of it.(And trust me, people do.) But there is an actual story relevant reason why I had both Chris and Shadow completely stagnate physically, and there is a character motivated reason why Chris did eventually become very intimate with T.W. Barker despite what he was now permanently stuck in physical.

The idea of being forever physically youthful sounds like a dream in theory. But, on top of already being deeply traumatized by loosing literally everybody and everything, being permanently stuck in his old 12 year old body started to have a very real negative emotional and mental affect on him. It has a body dysphoria like affect on him, his physical appearance not matching up with how he with what he really is on the inside. But most importantly, to Chris it feels like he’s always staring in the mirror at a reminder of what ultimately caused him to loose everything.

While he knows other people(besides Shadow) can’t possibly know he’s actually older than he looks just just by merely staring at him, he still wants to be treated and viewed as the adult he’s both mentally and psychologically is.

He’s frustrated, really hurting, and just feels lost. It starts to take a real tole on him. He wants some form of normalcy from when he still had his adult body. Having an intimate relationship with someone was a way of him trying to have some of that normalcy again in his life. It wasn’t so much the act of having sex itself that he enjoyed from it, but it was also wanting the affection and companionship.

At the time, T.W. Barker was someone he was the closest to and had spent the most time with in his new life in the Sonic Boom universe. Despite being a shady con man and the embodiment of a snake oil salesman(and Chris knew it and let Barker know it), Barker was ironically a guy who would cut the bullshit and was completely honest to Chris. He would be blunt and not sugarcoat things to Chris. Barker basically told Chris what he needs to hear, not what wants to hear, but did so in a way that was still respectful to him. Barker did so because he eventually came to view and respect Chris as an equal, and to him his way showing that was by not putting up false pretenses or coddling him.

So here’s this guy who Chris not only spends more than a considerable enough amount of time with by joining his circus and being his unofficial business partner, but this person actually treats and respects him much like one would one would towards an adult. It gets to a point where Chris feels like he can trust Barker to give him some form of normalcy Chris sorely misses from having his adult body, even if he is a big wolf doggo. So the inevitable eventually happens.

To Chris, having sex with Barker was both not only his way of trying to have some kind of normalcy again from his adult life, but it was in a way a coping mechanism for him.

[nvrissa]

hello laid ease and furries ( u know who u are )......hahaha....are u ready for this ? zimzalabim ! my name is xan ( she/her pronouns ) and my laptop has been broken for a good 3 years now i have to use an onscreen keyboard so if u see me typing for 20000 years on discord only to send u a single sentence u know whats up x JSDBJWBJW here is the intro....im really winging this no one call me out for that WOOO....tw: medication, mental health, body image ? perhaps just to be safe <3

ok ! so im not gonna talk too much abt family stuff bc yuno and i are doing the collab of the century here and art takes time people ! JSBDJBWDJW but so u get a good idea...i will write a little abt it lets get it 

so the kwons were two of the biggest faces in hollywood ( and tbh they are still considered icons / hollywood royalty no matter how old they get they stay #Relevant ) think bradgelina ! literally everyone knows who the kwons if u dont u probably live under a rock /: 

their parents are very into the fame thing...so when it came to their kids ( nari and wolfe ) they SUPER pushed the famous life onto them, really expecting both of them to be just as obsessed and enamored by the public. idk if u guys ever say that vid of gigi and bella hadid before they were huge were their mom was pressuring them both to get into modeling and to stay skinny and to be stars etc....it was kinda like that !

so narissa, being the first born, really just internalized that shit...like imagine being told ever since u were a baby that fame and status and ur last name are wildly important and not being able to remember a time when u werent being watched by cameras / a third party ( the public ) bc that was her life ! nari has....no experience as to what life is like without cameras and without having to create this image of herself that ppl are gonna be into 

obviously that’s NOT normal....and it had it’s toll on her /: as a kid she grew up so fast like u know those kids that seem so mature and wise for their age ? that was nari. she always had two versions of herself: inside nari vs outside nari. she was so good at being good just bc she knew what stuff to express and what stuff to keep inside ( spoiler alert: most of it was kept in x )  

she is still very much desperate to please her parents despite it all /: i feel like for a long time she kinda excepted and agreed that fame is everything ( hence why shes known for using her last name to get her places ) but shes starting to realize just how FUCKED it all is and just how much it’s messed her up so stay tuned for more fun !

ok so career stuff ! nari started off as a child model bc she was um super cute and super good at knowing what to do / not freaking out in front of cameras <3 but she was always obsessed with actors ! she used to sit in front of the tv for hours legit study and memorize ppls mannerisms and various movie lines.. she was literally always just quoting random lines / imitating various actors so often her parents were like ok word go act !    

she landed her first role at 12 and it was a pretty huge role as a lead chara in a mini television series that revolved around a cast of kids ( think stranger things but not plot wise just how some of the mains were kids ) with zero acting experience before hand ... so it was pretty clear to the media nari got the spot bc she was a kwon ! there was a bunch of controversy around the show before it came out but once it was released...there was no denying nari had talent

after that it was just a whirlwind of acting doors opening up for her. everyone wanted nari bc of her last name and all the attention that came from it, not to mention every director wanted to be The One that helped narissa kwon become one of the most famous actresses of the 21st century. most of the time she was getting cast for selfish reasons but nari never realized it /: she was just happy to be acting bc it really was like therapy for her to become different ppl

flash forward to age 15 when narissa was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was prescribed meds to help ! it was actually a director from a movie she was working on that suggested to her parents nari might be struggling after witnessing her have a panic attack on set. not wanting a scandal, her parents agreed it was best to get her “help” which included pills and weekly therapy ! 

so nari actually didnt mind it too much tbh she HAD been struggling for a while she just assumed her anxiety was normal and just like something all famous ppl were dealing with but that wasnt the case. she was hesitant to open up to her therapist just bc she was still obsessed with this idea of inside nari vs outside nari, and she was very scared to cross that line so it took....years of sessions to build up that trust

as she got older though and as she got more famous, everyone just assumed she was better. she was more famous and loved by the day, she had become a chanel ambassador ( thank u jennie x ), her interviews on youtube always brought in record views, she’d started in plenty of movies critics agreed would become cult classics, her social medias were nearing kardashian level in terms of followers: everything was on track....

....except nari had actually never been more unstable. she had become so dependent on her meds she couldnt go anywhere or talk to anyone without popping a few in. all the watching eyes were starting to make her paranoid, not to mention the pressure from her parents ( who couldn’t be happier with nari being so famous ) was at its all time high. she had been nominated for an oscar at 21 and everyone was expecting her to win...and then she didnt

narissa kwon famously fainted at the 2018 oscars after it was announced she had lost the award. her actual fainting wasnt caught on camera or televised, but it WAS witnessed by some of the most relevant names and faces in hollywood who were in that room. the scandal took the media by storm, the hashtag #getwellnarissa trending for over 42 hours until a statement was released she had fainted bc of dehydration and other undisclosed causes and that she was okay & currently taking it easy at home surrounded by family 

in reality it was the abuse of her medication as well as all the stress, but when your last name is kwon manipulating the press is as simple as making the right phone call. unfortunately for nari and her parents, the article about the brat pack came out a week later, and there was no manipulating that source /:

for narissa, it was all a wake up call. she decided to go off her anxiety meds altogether. after falling out with the brat pack she spent that year trying to figure out who she was separate from her fame and her last name. despite some offers from a few casting directors ( surprisingly some people still wanted her despite the scandals bc she was still a kwon, after all ) narissa rejected every role except one in a coming of age indie movie that explores womanhood and mental health as well as strained relationships with mothers. the movie is set to release sometime mid august hehe (~:

she agreed to come to milan to reunite with the brat pack bc she’s still searching for herself ! nari figures the people who quite literally grew up with her might give her some answers......not to mention there is still a part of her who is desperate to reclaim the image and status she had before everything fell apart </3    

PERSONALITY/TIDBITS

narissa is....complicated to say the least. growing up in front of the cameras and in a family who prioritized fame and outside opinions of you as the most important thing, she is quite literally desperate for praise and approval. because she legit has no idea what parts of her are real and what parts of her she’s created for her public persona, she often looks for understanding in others!! shes very very good at analyzing people and understanding people in the hopes that its gonna make her better at analyzing herself, but to no avail. 

libra sun capricorn moon !! THIS is super accurate and telling if u wanna read but i kinda just summarized it in the last bullet

she is such a perfectionist with everything she does and a bit of a control freak in the sense that if she’s not the one doing something, she doesnt have faith whatever that is will be able to live up to her unrealistic standards. directors are often concerted with nari bc whenever she gets big roles.....she is so hard on herself, often asking for take after take bc she monitors every little thing abt her expression or her movements. she’s often left frustrated and disappointed with herself bc again, her standards are SUPER unrealistic ):

she’s relatively sweet!! growing up with the brat pack they probably knew her as the life of the party, very bubbly, confident, and very easy to have fun with as long as you’re being tolerable. however, she can get kind of opinionated at times so it’s very hard for you to gain her trust and respect back if you lose it. she’s also prone to random mood swings / periods of isolation, but whenever she returns its with a big smile and a soft voice assuring you everything is okay 

very good at lying and deceiving ppl but she hardly ever does it on purpose ( unless her publicists asks her too ). she’s carried this persona / public image of herself curated for consumption from others for so long, sometimes she has no idea when she’s being sincere or if she’s just convincing herself she’s being sincere. most of the time she only deceives other people about herself. she can come across as kind of elusive because of this ( think daisy from gatsby’s perspective ) but it’s not on purpose. she just legit has no true sense of self isnt that sexy?

speaking of sex. JWDBJWBDJWBD she also uses that as a coping mechanism / a weird affirmation that yes, she IS wanted by others and yes she IS seen as someone beautiful and that she IS something to be consumed by others ( like i said in my tags....male fantasies male fantasies ) but then at the same time she feels guilty abt this and so unsatisfied and disgusted at how she’s living her life as an object / manifestation of other people’s projections rather than as a normal person...rip </3 its a cycle

ever since her relationship with micah that was so hated by the public it actually ruined and ended their relationship, nari has been too scared to publicly have a relationship again. the media seems to love seeing her on casual dates with other stars, but not to see her tied down to one person, as that kind of “damages” this super accessible persona she’s put out ( think idols and why they cant date )  

she loves poetry, french music, all of marilyn monroe and audrey hepburn’s movies, nonfiction essays abt womanhood and identity, anything chanel, is particularly fond of silk dresses but is partial to velvet as well, wears lacy bralettes under everything bc it makes her a little more confident, actually prefers large parties to small ones because small gatherings are more personal therefore give her more anxiety, would only eat fruit and drink champagne if she could live like that, doesn’t know how to swim so she’s scared of the ocean as well as the dark, used to study ballet as a kid and misses it terribly, doesn’t know how to drive and isn’t planning to learn, can be materialistic at times, is probably an introvert masquerading as an extrovert for 22 years now, the only movies she cant stand are westerns, loves to travel but is scared of flying, doesn’t drink coffee, and is allergic to nuts. 

last but most important fact about narissa is that she loves her brother wolfe more than anything in this world so messing with him is the only way nari is bound to 100% hate you. she can bully him all she wants ( ex. starting very real rumors he IS in fact a furry ) but no one else is aloud to actually be mean to him or she will kill you

also very random but i had a hc that when she was 6 and her pet cat jinx died she caused enough fuss at home her parents actually made it a national holiday in about thirteen different states. the anniversary of this death is december 4th and yes . the brat pack better mourn jinx with nari every year......

pls spare plots im sorry this is so long.....JBDJBWJDBWJBWDJBJ i promise it will be worth it also im sensitive and very small ... how can u say no ? 

[plasticoveredfurniture]

inktober d5: build

pairing: taekook

words: 762

tags: angst, drug abuse, bed coping mechanisms, happy ending

Their relationship was not the most functional. 

They had met when they were very young and extremely naive. Too dependent from the very start. As you can imagine, that was the main ingredient for destruction.

They used one another as an escape, a coping mechanism of sorts, but they'd never admit it. Not to themselves and definitely not to each other.

The thing about relying on someone the way they did with one another is that you can't expect the other person to always be there for you. People have their own lives and problems to think about and when you're using them to unload all of your shit and they do the same to you, things are bound to break.

But no matter how many times they broke, the were always able to build them back up again.

Things change though.

You see, people are volatile and unreliable. And Jungkook was quick to understand that. Which is why he started seeing many of them at the same time. That way he didn't have to worry about being alone. And with that, he learned that sex was an excellent coping mechanism. Getting lost in pleasure to the point that it was all you could focus on. It worked. But as every coping mechanism, it works until it doesn't.

And the repercussions always fell on Taehyung.

Their relationship status had never been defined, but Taehyung kept telling himself that they were a thing. An undefined thing, but a thing nonetheless.

So when one day Jungkook came home with disheveled hair, hickeys that he didn't suck into his skin, and smelling like sex, Taehyung found out firsthand what it means to have your heart broken.

He didn't say a thing though, blaming himself for reading into things way too much.

He tried to do the same in order to put those pieces back together, but every time he found himself comparing the way other people felt to Jungkook. His Jungkookie, who had never really been his to begin with.

But he found another way to numb the ache of a broken heart. He started going clubbing with Jimin every weekend and drinking enough to not remember a thing the following morning. Then, he started occasionally smoking weed with Namjoon.

Jungkook, too, didn't even mention noticing something was out of place. He did notice though. He stayed up until he knew Tae was home, safe and sound. He noticed the faint smell on his clothes when he came home after a "study group". He also noticed how Tae sometimes locked himself in the bathroom and came out all jittery and with bloodshot eyes.

He chose to keep quiet.

They kept tip toeing around each other and eventually put an unspoken end to their little traditions. They stopped having dinner together every night. They stopped having weekly anime marathons. They stopped sleeping in the same bed. They stopped sharing those domestic moments the both of them always found so much solace in. They stopped touching one another. At first it was just the sex, but at some point they stopped being physically close in every way possible. As if touching the other would cause their skin to burn.

How far can things be bent before they break? How many times can one thing be broken before it is impossible to fix it again?

Well, sometimes one thing needs to be broken before another can be fixed.

That was the case with them.

More specifically, it took a trip to the hospital after Jungkook got home to find Taehyung passed out on the bathroom floor.

He had overdosed on ecstasy, but luckily enough Kook found him early enough for it to be fixed with a couple stomach pumps and three days worth of sleep. Jungkook didn't leave his side the whole time.

When Tae woke up his head hurt and there was a weight against his side. He slowly opened his eyes to find his friend, if he could even call him that, curled up against him. He tried his best to shuffle around without waking him up, but to no avail. Jungkook looked up at him and burst info tears.

"You asshole, I thought you were gonna die. What was I gonna do without you? Hyung, promise to never do that shit again. I'd rather die than live without you."

Jungkook was clinging onto him, shaking with how violent his sobs were.

Taehyung didn't know what to say, so he didn't say a word.

Sometimes things need to break all the way to be properly fixed.

[chibivesicle]

>>>so this notion seems a bit too ideal to me at least which i picked up from your analysis, for him to desiring to be accepted that much when he previously denied himself a chance to do it. i can't say he was too clouded by his own judgment and only wanted to prove a point by killing his half-brother, he's much more sane to act like that. so i wondered if you really want him to get his redemption arc that badly and support ogata on his way facing all the consequences?

Hello Anon,

I have to admit I’m not quite sure what post you arereferring to directly, so based on your questions, I’m going to have to assume youare responding to my most recent ask here:

 https://chibivesicle.tumblr.com/post/185074640517/weve-seen-several-examples-of-ogata-trying-to-win

If I understand your question and thesis properly, youthink that Ogata wanted to be accepted by Asirpa over Sugimoto is too “ideal”.  I have to admit I’m not sure what you mean by“ideal”.  Does “ideal” mean that Ogatawants to have his emotional needs met and he doesn’t have a right to have his needsmet?  Or that he doesn’t feel emotions,so he again doesn’t have any emotional needs? Or something else?

 I’m thinking the first definition of ideal since you referto him denying being accepted by Yuusaku before he met Asirpa.  If this is what you are thinking, myunderstanding is that you felt that Yuusaku accepted Ogata and that Ogata deniedYuusaku’s acceptance.  

 So, let’s go back and down the limited information that weknow about Ogata and Yuusaku’s interactions. Ogata and his mom were abandoned by Hanazawa when Yuusaku was born.  Ogata and his mom get taken back to Ibarakiby grandma Ogata and she takes care of them with grandpa.  Therefore, Ogata grows up in poverty with amom who suffers from mental illness and he wants her wish to see Hanazawa to begranted (it fails).  

 Ogata is a superior private in the 27th.  Yuusaku gets assigned to their unit underTsurumi’s command as the flag bearer. Yuusaku only finds out that Ogata is his older brother while in the 27th.  That means someone in the 27thspilled the beans.  Now, Ogata obviouslyknows who Yuusaku is when he joins the 27th, he knows who his fatheris, and he knew that the legal heir is a son and must be Yuusaku.  One could argue that Yuusaku’s very existenceresulted in the hurt and pain of Ogata and his mother as they get abandoned byHanazawa.  If there were no Yuusaku,maybe Ogata would have been adopted as a legal heir, but based on Hanazawa’spersonality, I’d see him trying until he had a son, he’s clearly far to imageworried.

We know from Tsukishima’s flashback that Tsurumi’s Ainu planwas in motion before the Russo-Japanese war. We know that Tsurumi is collecting trusted men before then and duringthe war.  Ogata is clearly one of theselect few during the war.  Yuusaku’s issue is that he is not the type of man to serve Tsurumi post-war as a partof the Ainu plan.  The rumors are that heis of high moral character.  Add intothis the fact that Ogata tells us that Yuusaku was thrilled to find out he hada brother.  And thus, Yuusaku begins avery one-sided and ultimately hurtful relationship with Ogata.  He calls him out in public, calling himbrother in front of everyone and not following rank.  He chases after Ogata to interact with himand greatly desires for Ogata to return his feelings.  Ogata’s body language towards him is cautiousand distant.  He does not socialize withhim and actively avoids him and all of the additional unwanted attention withit.

All of this is not good for Ogata.  His personality doesn’t win him many friends,we know from 169 on how Koito says his personality alone irritated people andhe’s the son of a wildcat and he was bullied b/c of the nickname.  Yuusaku publicly talking to him likely onlyhelped to stoke the wildcat rumors even more.

Chapter 164 shows Ogata taking Yuusaku out with him in theevening on Tsurumi’s orders.  This is atest of Yuusaku’s character to see if he could work with team Tsurumi post waron the Ainu plan.  Yuusaku is beyondelated that Ogata asked him to join him but he doesn’t even stop to wonder whyOgata, who avoided him all this time all of a sudden is friendly with him.  This is b/c Ogata isn’t doing this for himself,he’s doing this for Tsurumi.  Of course,Yuusaku fails the test of character at the brothel and Ogata has him leave discretely.  He then talks to Tsurumi about his characterand it shows where Tsurumi may have stoked Ogata’s anger towards him bydropping the line about a “noble” bloodline which Ogata clearly thinks it totalbullshit since Hanazawa is anything but noble.

Chapter 165 then reveals that Tsurumi had come to theconclusion that their original plan to kill Yuusaku is on hold.  He’s useful for the time being, butultimately, he’s still a problem.  I amstill unsure of Ogata’s test of Yuusaku’s character is something of his owndesign or Tsurumi’s.  It may not evenmatter – the situation with the Russian POW shows that Yuusaku is a man who isunable to go against his father’s wishes and has made himself an idol for themen to atone for everyone’s guilt.  Thisthen leads to what I see as the ultimate insult to Ogata by Yuusaku; he tellshim that it isn’t right that people like him exist. Ogata is hurting and in pain and Yuusaku hasinsulted his coping mechanism by rejecting him. The entire hugging scene is one-sided, Yuusaku embraces him and crieswhile Ogata goes deep into himself to feel nothing.

Yuusaku never sought to understand or get to knowOgata.  He wanted to fulfill his own naïveand selfish desires to have an older brother. But all relationships require both people to be involved and Ogata wasnever engaged with him to begin with.

I don’t think Ogata was proving a point per se by shooting hisbrother, he wanted Asirpa to validate his flawed hypothesis that “pure” peopledon’t exist by having her shoot him.  Ogataknows what Wilk was training her to become, he doesn’t see an issue withstarting her on the path to become the next Wilk.

Others and I feel that Tsurumi manipulated Ogata into toshooting Yuusaku; Ogata had no ties or emotional connection to Yuusaku, henever sought him out for brotherly bonding etc. Tsurumi wanted to make sure Ogata would serve him well – he wanted toput Ogata in a position to meet his “needs” and be loyal to him, he thoughtthat Ogata wanted his father’s position and status but for that to happen,Yuusaku and Hanazawa needed to not exist.  Oh and as a bonus by getting rid of Yuusaku before the end of the war and then making Hanazawa be a fall guy that lead to the mistreatment of the 7th made Tsurumi’s position even stronger. Furthermore, in 103, Ogata tells Hanazawa that he was never jealous ofYuusaku, instead he wanted to be loved by Hanazawa.  One way that could happen was if Hanazawawanted to accept this rejected son; of course, just like with his mother,Hanazawa wasn’t going to find Ogata either.

As far as referring to Ogata as being “more sane”  than to shoothis brother – keep in mind that no one has implied Ogata to be insane.  I among others have hypothesized that hesuffers from mental illness (depression/self-harm tendencies) but that does notmean that he’s insane.  He is hurting anddoes not value himself.  Yuusaku didn’tvalue him as a person, Yuusaku saw him as a brother that he wanted but not forOgata.  Yuusaku desired Ogata as the concept of him being an older brother.

I already wrote a long analysis on Yuusaku here and thisexplains more of what I’ve just said in greater depth:

https://chibivesicle.tumblr.com/post/182750848382/why-is-yuusaku-so-awkward-with-ogata

I agree with you that during the fever dream Ogata feels guiltyabout shooting Yuusaku; I think Ogata feels guilty about everyone he’skilled.  The problem is that his copingmechanism is to pretend as though he doesn’t feel guilty. 

The character who has a similar copingmechanism is Asirpa.  She was in so muchpain over her father’s death and the departure of Retar that she buried Wilk’sname deep in brain.  Both characters tryto push their feelings down to numb themselves. It is just that Ogata is 100x better at this than Asirpa and has beendoing it for much longer.  He tries toconsole himself by saying he doesn’t feel anything, but he has feelings b/c heis human and that he isn’t actually lacking something – he tellshimself he is lacking.

The difference between Yuusaku and Asirpa is that Asirpadoesn’t force herself on Ogata.  Shedoesn’t follow him around and draw attention to him.  Instead, she praises him when he does welland keeps her distance from him even though she wants to be closer attimes.  Asirpa treats Ogata like aregular person and doesn’t hold anything against him.  This is the major difference between her andYuusaku, she doesn’t have preconceived notions about Ogata, she doesn’t knowhis background all she sees is that he’s good at bringing home some dinner andshe gladly accepts his gifts.  SinceOgata is someone who pays others back equally, at times he returns “gifts” toher, by behaving certain ways and doing cultural practices that Asirpa deemsimportant.

The problem is that even though Asirpa and Yuusaku aredifferent and treated him in totally different ways, he can’t pull apart therole of their father’s in shaping them to be idols for various causes.  In Ogata’s mind the sins of the father are stilla part of the child.  He takesassumptions he learned from Yuusaku and he unfairly imposes them on Asirpa eventhough she’s not the same as Yuusaku.  WhenAsirpa rejects him, he’s incredibly hurt and since he doesn’t deal well withhis feelings b/c they are poorly developed and repressed. All of his feelings come pouringout at the same time and he lashes out at her.

He sees himself as good as dead – when Sugimoto gets there, he’s goingto kill him.  Why not have Asirpa killhim instead?  It is cruel and unfair ofhim but if she did shoot him, he’d have proven his flawed hypothesis that thereare no “pure” people.  He’s cornered,desperate and heartbroken that Asirpa will always choose Sugimoto overhim.  This proves to him that he’s lackingsomething b/c Asirpa doesn’t accept him as is at that moment.

Getting to your last part of your questions; I’m not aMarvel fan so all I know is that Thanos is the big bad guy in the mostrecent Avengers movie and he’s terrible. I don’t know that much about the MCU but I don’t think Ogata = Thanos.  

I think a common misconception about us [the people who areanalyzing Ogata in meta form] is that we believe he’s done no wrongs and he shouldbe given a “pass”.  Now, there are a lotof opinions of him in the fandom and many other people on twitter and whatnotbelieve in Ogata getting a redemption arc. I have avoided using the phrase “redemption arc” in my Ogata meta.  I personally don’t believe in him getting a “redemptionarc”, I want Ogata to recognize how he’s in pain and hurting. I want him toheal and move on with his life and fully accept how his past actions have hurthim and he will have to deal with them the rest of his life.  But since Ogata is coded in a Christiancontext, he very well may get forgiveness for his sins, if he admits that hehas sinned or he may be one of the last who will be first while the first will be last characters … We shall see.

As a fan of Ogata, I want for him to find a place to belong,be accepted, find love and find it in himself to accept himself and love himself.  I don’t think Ogata deserves a free pass, butno character in this series deserves a free pass, they’ve all hurt others andthemselves in the process.  

Sugimoto is Ogata’s foil, he lashes out with his pain andhurt and inflicts it on others and uses it as an excuse to commit horribleacts.  Ogata inflicts pain on himself andtells himself it doesn’t hurt and uses that as his excuse to commit horribleacts.  Both men are trying to remove thepain and hurt from killing, but one projects it outwards onto others while theother buries in himself.  Neither arehealthy, but they are dealing with the same thing.

Lastly, you seem to dislike the fact that my analyses of Ogatalack self-awareness.  Based on your questionyou think that Ogata would be aware of his actions and understand the resultsof his actions and feel more deeply (or obviously) about his actions.  Or at least that is how I understand yourstatement…

I can respond to this concept several different ways:

i.) Ogata purposely is burying his self-awareness as his copingmechanism. 

This could come out of his melt-down on ice with Asirpa – “youcan do it too, the rest of us have… .” – this is a very decent theory. Ogata doesn’t show self-awareness b/c if he did, he has to change how hecopes with his pain, suffering and PTSD.  I personally like this one the best –therefore, I cannot critique his lack of self-awareness b/c he doesn’t wantothers to know about it, including us, the readers.  Self-awareness would be a weakness for himand he is trying to survive the hunt for the gold by any means possible.  

ii.) Ogata is not asself-aware as you desire him to be.  

I don’t know what your life experience is, but every personhas a blind spot in their self-awareness that they cannot see but others can.  We are readers who see everything that Ogatadoes so it is easy for people to judge and critique his actions.  No matter how self-aware you think you are ofyourself, the older you become, you still miss things about yourself and howyou see yourself.  Since Ogata doesn’t activelyengage with most and keeps to himself, he isn’t in a situation whereself-awareness would be a thing he’d be concerned with.  He’d have to have friends close enough to himto get him to reflect on his actions and become more self-aware.  It is very clear that Ogata has no emotionalsupport from others for most of his adult life so he wouldn’t be too concernedabout being self-aware.

iii.) Ogata’s self-awareness is irrelevant to his character.  Instead, Ogata makes rationaldecisions that are flawed but does it anyways.

His mother wants to see his father, so he kills her.  His father doesn’t come for her, thus hurtingher and himself.  He may haverationalized this as a mercy kill as well, she wasn’t well so what happened toher ultimately didn’t matter.  Ogata shotSugimoto from a purely tactical perspective, Kiro said he didn’t need to shoothim, but Ogata knows removing Sugimoto is to their advantage.  I also think Ogata was afraid that Sugimotowould end up hurting Asirpa, so no harm in getting him out of the picture.  Ogata realized that Tanigaki wasn’t on thesame side at Tamai & co.  His reasoningthat Tanigaki killed them isn’t flawed and he again tactically was smart to tryto eliminate Tanigaki – by not killing him, Tanigaki was used by Inkarmat toupdate Tsurumi on their plans.  Finally,Ogata fills in the gaps on what he thought Wilk wanted Asirpa to do.  He clearly disagrees with this at first butas she stubbornly wants to stick to the path, he gets more desperate to get herto change her mind and when that fails, he just wants it to end.

So, does Ogata need to be analyzed with a character withmore self-awareness?  Honestly, I don’t thinkso.  I don’t think he’s thinking aboutthings in the context of his own self-awareness – that’s a very modern conceptof thought and not exactly one that people of his time and age would bespending a lot of time pondering.  Thesecharacters are trying to survive and come out on top/where they want tobe.  

Many readers don’t expect Sugimoto to become more self-awareso why would we expect the same of Ogata? More importantly, why aren’t readers calling for Tanigaki to be moreself-aware?  He went on a second revengequest and this time he killed Kiro – there is no way killing the tiger is goingto help him.  Ogata has dodged death whenhe wanted; dying on the ice was the easy way out – Ogata isn’t a character whois going to get an easy way out or free pass.

 And this has become a giant reply to an ask.  My apologies.

[fymagnificentwomcn]

Yeah i do believe that gevherhan and ayşe's friendship was wasted too and i think murad did the whole "marriages of atike/silahtar, gevherhan/kemankeş" thing just to make his mother angry and to do the exact opposite of what she says like he didn't give a flying damn about anyone's happiness so it wasn't because atike supported his relationship with farya ....Anyway i think if farya didn't exist at all and they followed the historical events for once And they portrayed Ayse as his favorite and +

Yeah, in the end he didn’t give a flying fuck about anyone’s happiness or TRUE justice, it was all about punishment in the end and Atike was simply a pawn, used to “illustrate” the case. Because when you analyse the whole situation, nobody was a winner there, except maybe Murad himself because he again showed everyone he might do as he pleases and nobody is going to stop him. In a way, this again exemplifies that he’s not a just ruler, but this time without outright violence. Murad is like a rebellious teenager who will pretend to be “independent”, but in fact his idea of being independent is just as uncritical as doing always what someone orders you to do - do always the exact opposite of what someone advises you to do. True maturity and independence relies on being able to discern when to follow advice and when to not. He’s technically an adult man and a father, but mentally he’s still just a grown-up, strong, scary kid, not even being able to take responsibility for his mistakes, but instead always blaming everything on his mother and the awful world he lives in, when in fact he is the one most priviliged and in most power to shape up his own fate. Even a woman as powerful as his mother has to watch every step because she may be treated as usurper or tyrant for smallest mistake since her power isn’t seen as legitimate in many aspects. Plus, she needs to juggle being a single mother to many kids with state benefit and she sometimes couldn’t just go too far with dealing with traitors because she was scared of retaliation affecting her kids. She worked for years to achieve her status, while Murad may just make a show with executing someone with a mace, shout that he’s a shadow of God on Earth and everyone bows to him. Nobody denies Gevherhan’s husband was a traitor that deserved execution, but in the way Murad did it he humiliated his sister and his nephew. Did he take care of Gevherhan’s feelings and tears then? Not at all.

For me, the three characters of Atike, Murad and Farya while not the same, share the same underlying mentality that Mai once put: “self-centred, spoilt and playing the victim all the time”. I’d also add lack of self-awareness and treating yourself as “not like others” and the only person who suffers or does not have it easy.

In a way, Farya and Atike got a voice when they could discuss their “issues” with each other, a voice that was taken from Gevherhan and Ayse in this aspect.

I’m always surprised how Murad may whine, shout, pity himself, be angry all the time and there are plenty of people, including women, wanting to give a hug to a ”tormented soul”, while women who simply turn their pain into crying are so offensive and annoying. Man often looks “sexy” when he’s angry, woman is just a spiteful bitch etc.  Kösem’s: “Whom do I tell my sufferings to? Should I yell blindly at the walls?”is so on point because again her responsibility denies her even that, if she succumbed to anger, she would be lost, meanwhile Murad may have anger issues he has no intentions to work on that cause actual harm and destruction, but he’s simply a “poor suffering soul”.

Everyone deserves a voice, and it’s sad that characters who got most control over their lives aka Murad, Atike (who is allowed to do as she pleases for whatever reason, unlike other blood sultanas in the show) and Farya shout about their pain most, but characters who need to keep it hidden get blasted for their coping mechanisms that often do not harm anybody. Look at Murad’s reaction to Ayse’s crying and Kösem trying to keep her illness a secret - he yells at both and shows zero empathy in both cases, he interprets it “appropriately” as hysterical woman vs power hungry cold bitch and threatens BOTH with taking their children from them (because it’s then when he blackmails Kösem with locking Kasim and Ibrahim up). I don’t think there’s a more misogynist character in all MY/K, even without the physical violence towards women.

Again, Ayse and Gevherhan deserved someone to listen to their emotions too and to be able to express them too. People who keep their pain more to themselves, like Gevherhan, often get their personality simplified and reduced and once they express it, they may get villified or mocked, so that those who shout and pity themselves louder and in a more “brave, aggressive” way (often resorting to making a fuss around themselves and being destructive), aka Murad and Atike, may get whitewashed and be freed from any responsibility for their actions by some parts of the fandom.

- Joanna

[megers67]

Saisei Academy OC: Funai Yoshimi

I had wanted to make a teacher OC (for Saisei Acdemy, a quirk reform school made by @miracide) for a while since my previous go-to hero OC didn’t really fit into the setting. Then at 3:30 this morning a scary sound woke me up and next thing I know, I’ve got this utter disaster I adore and it’s 7 am. One nap and some clean up later, I have this profile for y’all. I don’t know how I’ll use him yet, but I like him a lot so hopefully I can put him in something soon! Put under a read more for length.

Name: Funai Yoshimi

Age: 41

Status: Retired pro hero, teaches 2nd year General Studies students (homeroom) and literature at Saisei Academy

Basic appearance: Looks a bit older than his age may imply, but that’s due to his quirk (see below). He has long black hair with a grey streak that he keeps tied up at all times. Due to his back injury, he’s not as athletic as he used to be as a pro hero and his current build shows this. Yoshimi isn’t out of shape and is pretty slim, but he’s not got the muscle mass that he used to. Considering his playful personality, you’d think he’d dress ridiculously, but he’s actually pretty clean-cut and professional (at least at school). Jacket, sweater vest, and shirt in neutral/brown tones and a tie that matches his cane. To be fun however, he will wear an obnoxiously cutesy hair clip. He is also often seen wearing reading glasses.

Likes: Rodents, cheesy crime novels

Dislikes: Alcohol, loud music

Favorite food: Coffee, but he likes eating most things

Hero Name: Flashback

Quirk: Replay

Yoshimi can rewind time for himself by 90 seconds. Allowing him a second chance at that time frame to try to change how events come to pass.

He can’t continually jump back. Yoshimi has to return to when he jumped before he can jump again. Even then, jumping makes him nauseous so he usually has a cooldown time so he can’t just keep trying the same 90 seconds over and over unless it’s an absolute emergency.

These days in his teaching job, he uses it to avoid harm to his students. While he can’t personally move very fast due to his injury, his students are well-trained to respond to sudden instructions from him without question. He will either help a student avoid a trigger, calm down before an outburst can occur, warn other students to move or duck, etc.

Time for him personally is not affected. Any damage, etc. to his body comes back with him. If he suddenly appears different, it’s a good indication that he used his quirk.

Because of this, he technically is older than he may seem going off of his birth year. He has no idea by how much due to the accumulation of his quirk. He frankly doesn’t want to know.

Yoshimi wears a watch at all times to help him keep track of time. Anytime he uses his quirk, it automatically rewinds by 90 seconds. There is a subtle countdown to tell him if he has “caught up” to the point he initially jumped back.

Background info:

Forcibly retired due to injury at 32. The incident that caused his back injury was the same that killed his identical twin, Yoshiki. They were a hero team called the Time Twins. The loss of his brother and forced retirement led to a downward spiral where he became an alcoholic and the relationship with his spouse deteriorated so he ended up divorced. While that sucked at the time, he has gotten his act together, sobered up, and moved on with his life. Yoshimi doesn’t have kids as he hadn’t gotten around to having any before his divorce, but feels that was for the best so a child didn’t have to see their father fall as hard as he did. While at first he might have regretted that, he now has more than enough children in the form of students to fill that paternal void. He has been teaching at Saisei for four years now. He figures he is still a bit messed up in some ways, but knowing the kids need him does him a world of good in motivating him to stay stable, sober, and on the straight-and-narrow.

Due to his experiences, he’s particularly skilled with handling kids with various kinds of trauma and helping to provide guidance on self care. His personal coping mechanisms heavily involve humor and making a fool of himself, but he recognizes when students need someone more solid and mature and gentle and adjusts himself accordingly.

Yoshimi’s current life stage is “try me, bitch I don’t give a single fuck” where he no longer feels shame. He was always a jokester his whole life, but it has simply evolved. He has given up on legitimately trying to be cool so he strives for “dad cool” instead. He oscillates between actually understanding modern pop culture and misunderstanding it but doubling down on that misunderstanding to embarrass and troll his students.

Trivia:

Even though he’s not the oldest instructor at Saisei, he makes jokes that he’s still lived the longest because of his quirk use.

He’s not sure he wants to give dating a try again after his divorce. When asked, he dodges the question by saying he’s in a committed relationship with coffee.

When asked, he says his coffee is black but it really has a ton of sugar in it.

He is nearly impossible to prank because of his quirk. Yoshimi actually falls for shit all the time but his quirk allows him to go back and redo it so he can save face. You can usually tell when this happens because he might look nauseous after a prank failed to land. Sometimes he will let himself be taken by the prank, but negate the effect by going with it because he has no shame. For example, if someone replaces his sugar with salt, he will drink his salty coffee unblinking. 

Yoshimi has taken up cooking as a hobby due to the time he lived on his own after his divorce. Not only does it give him tangible outcomes, but helps others, and it doesn’t just pile up like crafting hobbies might. He has a really obnoxious apron that he wears when he cooks.

He has a pet rat named Kamiko. She is the light of his life. If his students are good and it’s a quieter lesson plan day, he will bring her to class with him, letting her roll in her ball as he lectures. She also likes riding shoulders. If the students are REALLY good when she’s in, he will let them hold her.

Due to his back injury, he uses a cane. He has a few different ones and they’re all painted bright colors because there’s no point trying to be subtle so he might as well be loud with it (he typically uses a bright red or pink one). The only exception is a black cane that he only busts out if he’s really disappointed with his students (like class-wide bad grades) because he’s dramatic like that. He also uses his cane to bang on something loudly to get students’ attention. 

For all the talk about him having no shame, that’s a lie. He does. It’s just about how bad he let himself get when grieving his brother.

[kkglinka]

I see many writers characterizing Blake Belladonna as fundamentally timid, receding, someone “who has always run” etc, and I think that's wrong, for a number of reasons. I strongly suspect that pre-Adam Blake was anything but those things — that they aren't character traits at all, but outward coping mechanisms. Before I explain, I want to establish that we're on the same page:

Abuse is a pattern of manipulative or controlling behavior. The majority of abuse is emotional and psychological, followed by sexual, then physical violence, with financial aspects mixed throughout. The vast majority of abuse is non-violent and hinges on things like gas-lighting, causing financial dependence, isolating their victim from potential support networks, entrapment and coercion. The only uniting factors among abusers are relatively high intelligence and narcissism. They typically appear like nice, likable, often charming and admirable folks to anyone who is not their victim — enabling their abuse through social disbelief. Above all else, they want their victim's attention and energy, no matter what form it takes. Even constant, focused hostility is a desirable response because the abuser feeds off the emotional attention.

The majority of their victims are not weak-willed or stupid. That is a social myth, one often fostered by abusers themselves, because it leave their real targets unguarded. Beginners will start this way, but for most experienced abusers, a weak person is boring. They don't provide much fight, much effort, much resulting attention. Instead, they often target “strong” people that they can manipulate, whittle down, force into emotional attendance, take all that energy for themselves, then bask in the achievement of gaining and maintaining control over such a challenge.

Adam Taurus fits the Sensitive/Passionate Man model of abuser. He's suave, handsome, a charismatic leader, persuasive enough to both gain numerous followers and manipulate them into achieving his goals. Oh, but he's so sensitive, able to cry in very artful restraint in front of certain followers, gaining sympathy, evoking empathy because surely he must be in pain; he must be the true victim. And suddenly everyone is coddling, reassuring — even the victim themselves — showering the abuser with attention and support.

Blake's aggressive avoidance (preemptively fleeing) of emotional confrontations in which she believes she will be blamed by someone she cares about, even for actions over which she had little or no agency, is consistent with severe emotional abuse and gas-lighting. In this scenario, the abuser holds their victim responsible for any displeasure they experience. Even in cases where their victim is clearly not at fault, they are guilty of insufficient compassion and sympathy, especially if the victim themselves is in any way demanding emotional comfort. For instance, an abuser might attack their victim until they cry, then condemn them for “trying to get attention.”

Contrast this avoidance with what we know of her formative years:

Given that no one suggested Chief Ghira Belladonna be removed or replaced in office during the attempted coup, I believe that his office is hereditary, which is in line with other aspects of the Remnant universe. I'm guessing that he stepped down from the previous White Fang political party, and became Chief, when an older relative died. I'm inclined to believe any formal royalty the faunus might have had were executed by the victorious human forces prior to the establishment of Menagerie, but that's the cynical historian in me. Regardless, the Belladonna's clearly have a high social status, which also explains a puzzle: Blake's obvious lady-like behavior, which didn't fit with the peasant orphan narrative.

If she comes from a political line of succession — if her family is the equivalent of old money — then she would have been groomed for her role as a political leader her entire childhood. Even if she's not a formal heir, her family name carries enormous prestige, a valuable asset. She would have been well-educated, any leadership abilities she naturally possessed would have been bolstered. Her political and social engagement with a wider community would have been encouraged, and she would have studied strategy, public speaking, crowd control, along with the more subtle “good manners” that are used to guide small groups.

Yet we also know she participated in front line, violent protests. In many noble families, civil or military service is a tacit expectation. It might be considered a civic duty to experience the full range of human/faunus conflicts, to witness front and center what problems exists and the effects they have on their people Given their own pasts, it makes sense that Blake's parents would train their only child — and possible heir — to be equally engaged.

We know she was passionate enough about her beliefs to fight tooth and nail over it with what seems to be a very loving, supportive, and respectful family. A runner doesn't draw that sort of line in the sand to the point of rejecting their own family. What she did, as a naive but highly principled teen, wasn't run away; it was run toward and to hell with anyone who wasn't brave enough to stand with her on the front lines. Altogether, this suggests a pattern of confrontational behavior — an angry idealist.

She would have been the perfect target for a charismatic man with political ambitions — and I'm sure her parents knew it. If she was trained to have all the skills I described, she would have been a very useful lieutenant. Given her age when she joined RWBY, she was at best sixteen when this, at least somewhat, older man charmed her away — young enough to groom. Fortunately, she had a strong enough formative period that she was able to overcome the gas-lighting and escape on her own. This is a very difficult achievement for any abuse victim, but next to impossible for someone already inclined toward passivity and avoidance.

Next we have Blake's initial conflict with Weiss during Season 1. Background narrative tells us that the two were engaged in repeated verbal debates before Blake finally loses her temper, accidentally revealing her race to someone she knows is a key (future) political rival. Only after she reaches that level of confrontation does Blake's abuse-related coping mechanism come into play, triggering immediate and irrational avoidance. That level of pnaic is an excessive and abnormal learned behavior — not a mere personality trait.

Back up, rewind, abusers isolate their victims. They lie and manipulate friends and family into abandoning the victim. They disrupt outings, invent excuses to cancel events, fabricate evidence and lie about their victim to that individual's friends and family. They make the victim look bad, irrational, hysterical, unreliable, cowardly...You name it, until the friends leave in frustration. A particularly vicious abuser might even arrange harmful events that the victim learns about but is unable to stop. I can easily imagine Adam sending Blake's budding friends on suicide missions or otherwise putting them at risk, to sever their emotional support. Consequently, Blake expects to be rejected by potential friends; expected to be rejected by her own family.

In real life, an abusive ex will often violently target a new lover or partner, sometimes attempt murder, because it's only when their victim's emotional attention shifts away that the abuser feels threatened. So running in response to her former abuser enacting demonstrable harm to a new loved one was completely rational.

Adam is strong, intelligent and calculating. You'll notice that he didn't “lose his temper” (abusers always remain in emotional control of themselves), but made a strategic choice to demonstrate his continued power and control. Given that he successfully disabled RWBY's strongest member, given that abusers will use almost any tactic to separate their victim from supportive networks, leaving was the most logical choice. Abusers don't stop until they're appeased or their entire system of control is destroyed.

Blake's actions really did protect the rest of her team by "giving Adam what he wanted", but you'll notice that she headed straight toward another support network. Good on her; that was a sound, strategic choice and in contrast to another maladaptive coping strategy: the urge toward self-isolation.

Another thing in abuse survivors is overcompensation. Yes, she felt irrationally guilty over Adam's malevolent actions and Yang Xiao Long's conscious choice — neither of which are within Blake's agency — but her entire relationship with Adam probably centered on his feelings, needs and desires. Survivors need time to attend themselves, and Blake never really did that. She went straight from putting all her energy into Adam and the White Fang into serving RWBY. She was bound to be overwhelmed by a need for self-care sooner or later...but abuse victims learn early on that no one will do emotional labor on their behalf. So again, we've got a learned coping mechanism rather than inherent trait, and one that was repeatedly challenged by Sun Wukong and both her parents.

What we really have is two people, Blake and Yang, who have spent most of their lives doing emotional labor for other people — for different reasons — and won't ask for any in return. One has been taught harsh lessons about how risky it is to expect any. The other convinced herself she was too strong to need any. But in this latest seasons we see both of them begin trying. In Blake's case, she needed to regain confidence in her own judgment enough that she was able to command her community (which achieved what she wanted). Her confrontation with Adam demonstrated how much having support makes a difference.

In Yang's case, she better start bloody well asking for what she wants instead of cavalierly dismissing her own emotional needs. Yeah, that's on her; it's not Blake's job to play guessing and appeasement games. That's unhealthy. You don't hold a partner responsible for your own feelings, especially if you've made no direct, honest attempt to communicate them — which is called emotional avoidance. So I was relieved to see her break down in front of Weiss, confessing that need, but even moreso when she finally allowed herself to get past that machismo and cry. Baby steps, y'know?

In conclusion, Blake is a passionate, confrontational firebrand who acquired maladaptive coping strategies consistent with gas-lighting and emotional abuse, and those should not be conflated with core personality traits. Also, she doesn't have psychic powers and I look forward to seeing Yang use her words instead of brooding.

[mental-health-advice]

I live abroad going to college and I don't have friends or any back at home. I feel really alone and down. My mind is a mess. I have no one to talk to. I see people already settled down with their lives and I just see me struggling to be happy. I want to runaway. Ignore everything. Forget but it's so hard. I feel bored of doing the things I love. I feel tired all the time. I don't know what I'm going through but I really want to know. Do you know where I can check what mental issues I have?

Hi lovely,

I’m sorry that you are feeling so alone and low right now, I know how hard that can be to deal with. I hope I’ll be able to give you some support and reassurance to begin dealing with this

Feelings of loneliness often make us feel like we are unwanted because we convince ourselves that nobody likes us and this will always be the case. But it’s really important to remember that loneliness is temporary and you can overcome it! I am linking this page by Psychcentral as it has some really good tips and advice on overcoming loneliness. Even something really simple like reaching out to people you know first by commenting on a Facebook status, or sending them a short message saying hi and asking what they’re up to - initiating conversation can really help you to feel more involved in a group or friendship.

Is meeting new people and making friends something that you want to do? Something I would suggest is to look online, like on Tumblr, for a community which share a passion with you - for example, there are a lot of band and anime communities on Tumblr I know about. But I’m sure you would be able to find at least one person whom with you share a common interest, no matter how niche it is, and then you can chat with them about that? Also, have you considered joining any local groups or volunteer programmes near you? This would mean you got out of the house and socialised with others in your local area which can be a great way to start making friends! Try not to let your negative experiences with friendship in the past affect how you go into new friendships – if you go in with an open mind and open heart, you are likely to be greeted with the same thing and form some kind of close relationship with someone. When you feel alone and isolated it can feel like it will always be that way, but it won’t, you will find people who care for you and cherish their friendship with you.

Maybe creating a daily schedule would help you to feel a little more active in your life and at less of a standstill. This doesn’t have to be big activities whilst you are still struggling s much, but could include little things like what time you are going to get up, doing the dishes or laundry, etc. Even though these are only small things, when you see that you are sticking to the schedule and ticking things off as you go, hopefully it will provide you with some encouragement to keep going and try to add a little more to your day each day. It is all about keeping small and manageable goals! Planning and looking too far into the future can be difficult when you are struggling with mental health issues; currently you feel so stuck in your illness that you can’t see a time when you won’t be struggling – I promise you will not always struggle as much as you are now.

When it comes to diagnosis, I am not a professional so cannot diagnose you, and we try to discourage self-diagnosis using online tools for reasons listed on this post. If you do want to do some research about different mental health conditions then I highly recommend that you use certified and professional websites like Mind, MoodJuice, or the Royal College of Psychiatrists. Maybe taking a look at some pages about depression would be a good place to start; reading through your ask and some of the symptoms you have described, depression could be something you are experiencing. Here are some symptoms of depression:

Persistently sad, anxious, or empty moods

Loss of pleasure in usual activities

Fatigue or decreased energy

Sleep disturbances

Change in appetite or weight

Thoughts of suicide or death, or suicide attempts

Poor self-image or self-esteem

(source)

If you feel you relate to any of the above symptoms then a good step would be to speak to a professional, such as your doctor or a therapist. They will be able to help with a diagnosis, if applicable, and will start treatment with you. They will also help you to begin understanding what is causing these feelings, or lack of, and hopefully give you so coping mechanisms which you can apply to your daily life. I know reaching out for help can be really scary, but you deserve all of the help available to you, lovely. Here is a link to our page about getting help. Professionals are there to help you in any way they can, they won’t judge you, or make you do or tell them anything you don’t want to.

I hope this has been of some use to you, lovely. Please remember that you can always get back in touch with us if there is anything else that we can help you with! Take care!

‘‘Keep fighting, people, and your little monsters will never get the best of you.’

Rhiann xo

[familiaanteomnia]

all the things for the get to know the mun meme !

¯\_(ツ)_/¯:  do you have any tumblr friends? if so, who are they?: A few? I guess it’s a loaded topic cause I’m not sure what qualifies/who is like ‘oh yeah that idiot over there’s my friend’. Naming names seems extreme. But I bet the guilty parties know who they are. 2 of which have literally put up with me for years now. 

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):  relationship status?: Single, an fool with no dating savvy. Consider testing my luck on apps for lols occasionally though. 

ಠ_ಠ:  what is your biggest pet peeve?: There’s a few but I’m generally pretty too chill. Like if somebody’s doing something I find annoying generally I’m like ‘-’ 

(ಥ_ಥ):  finish this: i hate it when…: I hate it when people think they’re opted out of being gross, or hateful just because they’re lgbt+. That popular posters in fandoms tend to be all ‘wow I’m Woke’ but fill the tags with gross content. And I should get paid for it because wow then I’d be able to live a great life, donate to good causes,etc. 

Like the sheer amount of times I literally have seen ‘I’m a wlw so its fine if I really sexualize mlms, trans men’ is- scary. Not to mention the ones who are all ‘I mean but like is the f slur really that bad?’. Like basically can people respect each other??? Or could I at least make money for their gross behavior- to at least like fund people’s transitions,etc. 

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ:  what is your favorite animal?: I have to pick.. Beta fish; emotionally speaking fish mean a lot to me. Otherwise I like cats, dogs, eucalyptus parrots. 

(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜):  who is someone you can tell everything to?: Nobody, I’m not good at human interaction/feel very limited in confiding because a fair amount of everything around me’s so messed up and I’ve hurt people even vaguely mentioning it cause it’s like ‘oh shit that’s messed up’. 

(づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ:  are you a hugger?: Depends. Like I’d totally love hugs if I was initiating them/certain people and same with just like sprawling across a lap like ‘look I’m cuuute fight me’. Because I’m touch starved; somebody give me basic affection. I’d like to be but also I’ve had hugs, touch used as manipulation tactics. Not in the way people would think either. 

Like then other factors but I take comfort in one armed hugs where possible. But goal ideally at some point I’m certainly going to be like ‘I offer and receive affection fight me- platonically especially screw ‘traditional’ nonsense’ 

(╯°□°)╯︵ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ:  besides tumblr, do you have any other social media?: Depends what classifies. I’ve got a newish fb for my future. Meaning to start i.nsta up for real (I like taking dumb pics even if I don’t have a fancy camera available/phone camera that’s decent). Then just like various this or that. Meaning to start up a yt. Got d.iscord though I rarely use it. 

﴾͡๏̯͡๏﴿?:  how old are you?: Almost 19 which like honestly given I’ve had to be the adult in rooms, most my life and things- feels more like going on late twenties. Plus nobody ever interacts with me like ‘oh wow you’re not that old’ because of it. Though I certainly look 19 most likely cause I got hormonally screwed for now. 

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻:  what are your thoughts on school?: Education, learning and growing is important. However there is plenty flaws in the system at times. But most of all I hate the attitude society can have about it, about ‘drop outs’ . There’s this assumption I’m never going to live any sort of life, that I must have stopped attending for stupid reasons. Cause high school is easy, online school too right? There’s that option. 

That I can’t learn things, cause if you’re not in school/with some stupid piece of paper saying ‘you tested well congrats’ you’re adverse to learning. Not educated. Like I had lost my ability to even pass, or do anything. Mentally I was in a whole sort of other hell that nobody should ever know. I’ve got literal amnesia from how depressed I was. That while being told to absorb new information, trying but I couldn’t was hell. 

The terrifying thought of the crowded graduation ceremony, hearing the name that made my skin crawl and yet another dumb piece of paper with that printed on it? Didn’t help. I think it can be lovely, that people certainly need to learn things and have that. That I admire people who pull through it/willingly go through intensive college,etc. Personally I’ll do my ged when I’m in a better place, or something but I chose life/hope to get better then and I still am putting getting better first. 

| (• ◡•)| (❍ᴥ❍ʋ):  favorite tv show?: I have too many tbh. S.hadowhunters, T.ua, Tales Of The C.ity *the new n.etflix show*, n.bc’s Constantine, Faking I.t, F.ringe, s.yfy’s Almost H.uman, B.elieve *whatever network did it*, just to name a few. 

(ง'̀-‘́)ง:  are you okay?: Not really- working on it though so like it’s whatever

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:  ･ﾟ✧: sexual orientation?: I’d jokingly say complicated but.. Gay, asexual. I really really like guys and well details aren’t necessary in the latter department but the sexy isn’t appealing to me. It’s just like ‘meh’ literally. 

┬┴┬┴┤(･_├┬┴┬┴:  are you a people person or a loner?: Loner, though I’m also a people person want to be/tend to be by accident? Supposedly I have an attractive personality. I’ve always had people, kids just chat at me even if I didn’t know them,etc. I can be sitting grumpily in a corner and an old lady is like ‘do you perhaps know the time’ instead of to anybody else. Etc. Honestly it’s a ? type of situation/answer. But I do best with myself/prefer my mediocre company to like challenging my anxiety,etc for sure.

ლ(ಠ益ಠლ):  do you have any siblings?: Two brothers, one sister. And I’m the second oldest but truthfully basically the eldest.  Really complicated relationships. The eldest, I actually literally refuse to interact with most the time. Because of all the abuse and stuff that happened. Like even after apologizing, supposedly feeling bad- still screws me over at times. 

ಠ╭╮ಠ:  have you ever self harmed?: Big time, I’m clean now for the most part because I mean technically anything harmful to you done purposely,etc counts as it… But like yeah for years it was terrible and sometimes I still get the urges,etc. Like I’m recovered generally to a point it’s like ‘oh wow I don’t know how long its been since I was doing that, when I last did it’. 

(づ￣ ³￣)づ:  have you ever been in love?: Well that version of thinking you are when you’re young. Or trying to convince yourself that you are. So I guess. But on the other hand not really.

(☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞:  would you rather be hugged by a bunny or kissed by a doe?: Hugged by a bunny, I mean both sound adorable but I’ve had a bunny rest its head on my knee before so like that speaks for itself. 

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻:  how do you let your anger out?: I usually don’t? Like whats a coping mechanism for 100? I’ve seen too much anger issues so generally, also being soft spoken I really don’t act. Venting into the void be it a mental health app, or some blog usually does the trick. Or listening to music, writing it into poems,etc. 

ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ:  are you active?: Not really, I want to be/for the right reasons at some point for sure. For now it’s usually sporadic like ‘eh I guess I can do a few things health! yay!’ 

ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪:  what are your favorite band(s)/artist(s)?: Sooo many… C.OIN, Mother M.other, W.eareskydive, Seth C.orbin, M.allrat, L D.evine, The L.umineers, L.IGHTS, A.nna Clendening, B.astille, The R.egrettes, A.JR, F.LETCHER, W.rabel, G.erard Way/M.CR. Cavetown. Ryan A.rmdor. T.ransviolet.  E.DEN. Classic rock artists… the list goes on for ages. 

（╯°□°）╯︵(\ .o.)\:  who is your least favorite person?: Real life? Online? Celebrities? Can’t pick, don’t feel can single just 1 person out regardless/bit cruel to have somebody top that list alone.

♥‿♥:  tell us about your crush!: uwu I don’t have one currently

◔̯◔:  what time is it?: 8:54 PM

◕‿◕:  what is your guilty pleasure?: Frosting with pretzels? Lots of salt. Junk food. Dancing around like an idiot to music. 

◔ ⌣ ◔:  are you a virgin?: Okay so I don’t quite believe in all the ‘virgin’ ‘first this or that’ nonsense cause like? Not going to go there but what is the clarification honestly… But yeah I’ve not done anything with anybody. Or kissed somebody just yet and that’s okay. Hell with the sexual crap it’s like bliss for me because also people can be so uneducated,etc like phew no worries for me in that department.