#that sympathy goes out the window as soon as you show your self
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bohemian-nights · 1 year ago
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Something I’ve noticed about a lot of Rhaenyra stans (that is so aggravating) is they are always talking about they don’t want Rhaenyra to be "whitewashed" but when you bring up the darker things she��s done/will do (calling for her younger brother to be “sharply questioned,” ordering Ser Vaemond’s head to be chopped off and then feeding him to Syrax, never punishing her husband for ordering Blood and Cheese (and I wouldn’t be surprised if in the show they have her order Blood and Cheese), ordering the death of Nettles for having a romantic/sexual relationship with her husband and yet not extending those orders to her husband, and her blatant racism towards Nettles) suddenly Fire & Blood is just a misogynistic book meant to paint Rhaenyra(and Daemon) in a bad light.
I wonder who’s going to tell them they can’t have their cake and eat it too 🫠
Moving the goalposts is their favorite pastime 😗
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One moment Fire & Blood is the most reliable source when it talks about how the realm thought a seven-year-old Rhaenyra was a darling(albeit spoiled) child and how romantic it is that Daemon crept on her at fourteen (cause that’s the evidence they use to support him luving her so very much even though he left the capital when she was a child because he got butthurt over her being made heir, but he realized that he could still be close to the throne if he seduced her and forced his brother to hand her over to him🙃) which is still underage by Westeros standards. The next it’s not to be trusted because the evil men have it out for my Valyrian queen.
I suppose for some it is easier to believe a white woman, who is fine with killing her own flesh and blood, innocent babies(I love Daemon, but a son for a son should’ve meant going after Daeron or Aemond, but they weren’t easy targets), is a complete and total innocent victim 100% of the time😗
I’ve never ever heard of a white woman using her privilege to try and commit a hate crime against a Black woman. Like ever. Especially not a white woman who comes from a racist family who’s own grandmother mistook a Black man for a demon because of his skin tone. It just can’t be true 🙃
She was just stressed. You know how that goes cause we've all wanted to commit racially motivated murder when we are stressed ☺️
They are happy with the show painting her in the best light possible and will even cheer on the show doing away with book canon(see how much they celebrated Laena being “unloved” by Daemon) that they claim to love so much if it makes queenie look good🤷🏽‍♀️
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mashiraostail · 4 years ago
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how would present mic, aizawa, toshinori and sir nighteye act around the person they have a crush on? (I love your writing btw!! <3)
Thank you for the ask!! I’m glad you like it (^:
Hizashi:  You’d have to be the most oblivious person on the planet not to notice.  He wears his heart on his sleeve for better or for worse. He tries to get your attention all the time through jokes or by asking you seemingly random questions, will ask you endless questions about your music taste, and give you a ton of recommendations just as an excuse to keep talking to you. When you enter a room he is immediately looking at you, he probably pays you at least one compliment a day, probably more. Big grand ones like ‘you look amazing in that outfit!’ to tiny ones like ‘your handwriting is really nice!’ or ‘the coffee today was better than usual did you make the pot?’   He also always grinning at you, and he definitely shows his affection through active listening, and if you don’t stop him, physical touch.  He’ll learn a lot about you and make a huge effort to ask you about the things you like all while putting a hand on your knee or shoulder between animated gestures. This could go either way, if you ask him out he’ll be totally delighted and accept immediately, but if you don’t seem put off by his compliments and touches after a few weeks/months he’ll probably ask you out too.
Aizawa: At first, he’s gonna be more aloof than normal. This sort of thing can be complicated with his work and honestly, he’d rather just write it all off, and he may spend a month or so trying. Classic avoidance. What else did we expect? After he accepts it may not go away until he talks to you about it he’ll probably be pretty upfront. Even if he doesn’t bluntly say he has feelings for you he’ll do a full 180 on his attitude. It’ll catch you seriously off guard. Before he was leaving any room you entered but now he seems to gravitate toward you. Before you were worried he hated you or something, found you weak or worse, but now he’s praising your work openly, and offering you really insightful and considerate help wherever you may need it in a way that doesn��t say ‘you’re a weak idiot’ but is more like ‘I really admire your work and want to help you achieve even more’ If you work together he’ll talk with you about his grading process to see if it helps make yours more time effective to lighten your load, if you work somewhere else he’ll ask about it regularly, and he’ll even give you advice if he can. He’s not usually the most bashful though, so if you don’t connect the dots between his behavior and his feelings in a few weeks he’ll probably get a little impatient and just ask you out flat or bluntly say something like, “I really like spending time with you.” Something that leaves little room for platonic intent without stepping over a boundary of crudeness. 
Toshinori: O the poor man is hopeless. Like Zashi he probably wears his heart on his sleeve, though he does it unintentionally. His body just reacts to you before the rest of him can catch up. He’s a stuttering mess at first. His bashfulness could be interpreted as just plain old awkwardness so it may not read as attraction until he feels bold enough to start paying you compliments, and they’re always really thoughtful. While Hizashi will compliment just about anything you do Toshinori will take careful time to find things that you seem to be self-conscious about, if you think you work poorly on a team he’ll probably say something like ‘you were extra helpful today, it’s nice to have someone around with such a good head on their shoulders.’ If you feel incompetent as a teacher he’ll be sure to ask your students what they like about you and relay the message to you and say something like ‘I talked to a few of your students on my way here today, they seem to be grasping difficult concepts really well, you must be a great teacher, I’d love to watch some time.’ You’ll probably have to be the one to ask him out though, he’s nervous about overstepping bounds, and sometimes he can’t tell where sympathy and interest in him as a person diverge. But he doesn't make his intentions unclear and if you didn’t meet him and feel instant infatuation his kind compliments and all the care and consideration he puts into his relationships with his colleagues will probably win you over in no time. 
Mirai: Like Aizawa he might be a little aloof at first, but for different reasons. This sort of thing makes him nervous and he’s tempted to waste his foresight just to check what goes on between you in the future. But that would be silly so he just thinks about it sometimes..most of the time. After the nervousness passes though he’ll laugh at any and every joke you tell. Even if it’s not funny, and everyone will notice, even Mirio will be a little offended that his well thought out hilarious entrance barely got a chuckle out of the boss but when you muttered, ‘i know what you are but what am I?’ it had Mirai in stitches? Unfair. He pays extra mind to your needs, wants, and interests and he may even start getting you little gifts. ‘Oh you mentioned liking this tv show and while I was on my way here I saw this little keychain in a shop window, I just thought you’d like it, no no I don’t want you to pay me back just have it.’ Also, Mirio meddles 10000%, meddler of the year.  CEO of meddling. He’s constantly encroaching on you like, ‘soooo Sir Nighteye huh? He’s pretty cool. Any... thoughts on that?’ After the one-millionth awkward bump of shoulders and the “Gee, I’m sorry I didn’t see you there!” “No it was my fault, I’m sorry I should have been paying more attention-” “No I’m totally on the wrong side of the hall! I should be more mindful!” Interaction between you that Mirio is forced to witness he probably forces his mentor to ask you out with a teasing threat of setting you up with someone else if he doesn’t do it soon. 
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deanswaywardgirl · 4 years ago
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A Darker Reality
chevyA?N: This is the origin of my OC, Faith Delaney, in case any of you are curious. I don’t remember posting this, but if I did, lemme know. You know, if anyone runs across it or whatever. If not, well, here you go. 
Warnings: Protective Dean (yes that’s a warning because the protective part of him melts me), mentions of abuse, depression, anxiety
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"Slut! Get the hell out of my sight!" Faith's father yelled, raising the frying pan to hit her. The edges of her visions darkened as the pan met the top of her head, causing her to cry out before forcing herself to her feet and fleeing to her bedroom, closing the door behind her and leaning against it. Tears blurred her vision as she raised her eyes to her Supernatural poster. Moving to sit underneath it, Faith curled up against the wall and closed her eyes, sobbing. She dreamed of either dying, or being a hunter like Dean and Sam. Free, safe...ish. 
No parents hitting you every chance they get. At this point in her life, Faith would rather be thrown around a room by a demon. But then, she was sure everybody would disagree and say she was being overdramatic, which only pissed Faith off. 'How the hell would they know what I prefer, or what I go through every hour of every day?' she thought to herself. Raising her eyes to the mirror, she looked like a horror movie reject. Her shirt was torn by cigarette burns. Her face, arms, and legs were black, blue, purple, and red from the blood running from multiple wounds. She knew her "parents" wouldn't kill her; they wouldn't have anyone to beat anymore. "I'm a real Max Miller," she told her reflection as she stitched herself up. That was when she caught sight of the scars on her wrists from self-abuse. "Without the powers, obviously." Her voice cracked, recalling how Max Miller's story in season 1 of Supernatural had ended, it sending a chill down her spine. It was then she thought about how close she's come to ending her life the same way. Faith put the stitch kit away and lifted a floorboard and pulled out her laptop a friend from highschool had given to her before she'd graduated. She turned on Nightmare from said show, and laid down, thinking of everything Supernatural had done for her. The comfort and feeling of safety it brought her as, everytime she watched it, she felt like the boys were in the room with her, protecting her. It was crazy, but it helped ease her fear of being attacked every second of every day. Licking her lips, she was soon fast asleep, listening to Sam and Dean talk. The volume was up high enough that it sounded like they were in the room with her. 
****************
Gasping awake, Faith shot up from her spot on the floor and breathed heavily, waiting for the blow that would never come. She sat up and looked around, growing confused. Her laptop, her 'bed, which consisted of several secretly acquired blankets piled on top of each other, her movies, her poster, even her mirror  were all gone. "What the hell?" she asked nobody in particular. She knew, without a doubt, her father would've beaten her senseless if he'd found her carefully hidden treasures. Getting to her feet, Faith could feel she was the only person in the house. Opening her door, she crept down the stairs and around the house until she was comfortably satisfied with her findings. Opening the front door, Faith went to take a step outside before she was violently thrown back into the house, sliding across the wood floors into the dining room. Shakily, she stood, rubbing her head and her back. Faith slowly approached the door, wondering if anyone outside the house had seen what had happened. It had felt like she had bounced off something. "I think you hit your head pretty hard, Faith, don't start losing it now." Sticking her hands up, she felt something like the outside of a tight bubble, something that was locking her inside. Faith rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Okay, okay, let's try this again." Going to take a step outside, Faith squealed as she was once again thrown back into the house, grunting as she stood up. "This can't be good." As if on cue, the door slammed shut and locked itself. "That damn Stay Puft Marshmellow Man," Faith growled before going back upstairs, done for the day. ******************* Days passed, but Faith never could find a way out of the house. She felt like a ghost in her own house, except she could touch everything in the house. Her sadness and depression soon became her only unwelcome companions, and soon, she was building the guts to take her own life. Tears fell down her cheeks as she put Dean's Samulet around her neck. "Who knows, Faith, maybe your version of Heaven is watching Supernatural with no interruptions, no beatings, no pain and no tears," she told herself as she loaded the gun in her hand. "You'll be safe, you'll be happy." Placing the gun against her chin, she aimed it toward her brain. Just then, the purr of a very familiar engine caught her attention and caused her to put the gun down and crawl over to the window, and gaze down in shock at a car she'd loved the minute she'd seen it, the one car she could see herself riding in every day. A car that was home for her two favorite men in the world. "Baby," she whispered and watched as two men stepped out, both familiar tell-tale men. "Oh my god," Faith gasped, the color draining from her face as she watched them approach the front door. "Oh god," she cried, and backed away from the window. "Okay, Faith, get a grip. This is obviously a dream. Take advantage of it, don't scare them off. Just be cool," she advised herself. As if on cue, the doorbell rang and Faith smiled as she took a deep breath descending the stairs, and another heading to the door. Opening the door, but standing as far inside as she could, she moved her eyes to both of the Winchesters' faces. "Hi, can I help you guys?" she asked. "Hey, I'm Agent Angus. This is my partner, Agent Young. We've been getting noise complaints from your neighbors. Complaints of screaming. Are you alright?" Sam asked. Faith smiled and licked her lips before shaking her head. "I'm fine, Sam," she replied before raising her hands, backing up into the houses, facing down their firearms. "Easy, guys, l'm no demon or shapeshifter or vampire, I promise. Let me prove it," she said and turned to Dean. "Silver blade and flask," she said and arched a brow at him. Dean glanced at Sam before lowering his gun and taking both out. Faith first took the flask and poured a little on her arm before touching the silver blade, handing the flask back. She then pulled up her upper lip so they could see she wasn't a vampire. "Guys, sit down, and I'll explain everything." She gestured to the couch and folded her hands in front of her. "Before I sit, would you guys like a coffee or anything?" she asked, rubbing the back of her neck. Dean looked at Sam and shrugged. "Coffee, please," he replied and gave her a tightened smile, placing his elbows on his knees. Faith nodded and went to the kitchen, soon coming back with two mugs of coffee before sitting across from them in a recliner. "Thank you, um..." Dean arched a brow, and Faith realized he wanted her name. "Oh, Faith. Faith Delaney. You can just call me Faith." "Faith, great. So, go ahead. How do you know Dean and I?" Sam asked, calmly. Faith licked her lips. "I'm Faith Delaney. I was born December 2, 1988 in Dallas, Texas and I've lived...er, existed, to regret that day ever since...until today." Rubbing her thighs, she sighed and rubbed her hands together. "But, I wasn't born a part of this world," she said, raising her blue eyes to theirs, watching as they glanced at each other in confusion, and turned back to her. "Did you really think that was gonna clear anything up?" Dean asked, one brow arching as he pursed his lips. Faith sighed and licked her lips. "Right, okay. Well, there's no easy way to put this, so I'm just gonna come right out and say it. Boys, I know you both because, where I'm from, you're television characters." Dean scoffed and stood up, shaking his head as he turned away from her. Faith swallowed hard and bowed her head, slightly flinching, expecting him to hit her, something Sam caught sight of. His brow furrowed as he filed that away for later. "I can prove it. Sam, what's the date today?" she asked, forcing her eyes to the younger Winchester.
"September 24, 2008. Why?" Sam countered. Faith's eyes moved to Dean, sympathy apparent in her features as she could tell how jumpy he was, his whole body tense and alert. "You just got back from Hell six days ago," she said, gently, and turned back to Sam, who was looking at Dean, Dean looking back at him, shock on both their faces. Sam then turned back to Faith. "Okay, here goes. Sam Winchester, you were born May 2, 1983 in Lawrence, Kansas to John and Mary Winchester. Dean, here, you were born the twenty-fourth of January in '79. Sam, you were six months old, Dean four years old, when Mary was killed by Azazel, the yellow eyed demon. He cursed you with visions of death, but we'll get to that later. John was distraught, completely broken-hearted. And angry. So angry, he became a hunter to get revenge, and so, you and Dean were raised into it. Something your mother never wanted, by the way. Dean, you embraced the hunter life when you were sixteen years old after killing a vampire, well, some kind of monster with your dad. Got the impala on your nineteenth birthday. But Sam," she turned her eyes back to the younger Winchester, "you didn't want any part of it, so you took off when you could and went to Stanford. Wanting to get into law school. There, you met Jessica Moore. From what I could tell, a strong and intelligent blond that ended up stealing that beautiful heart inside of you," she told him with a warm smile and a wink. "Two years or so later, your brother broke into your apartment and convinced you to go look for John, and you both ended up hunting A Woman in White. You never found John. Dean took you back home, and that same night, you lost Jessica. Same way you lost your mother." She swallowed hard and licked her lips. "Both of you hit the road after that, hunting wendigoes, shapeshifters, faced your first demon on an airplane. Phantom traveler. You guys even faced an Indian curse that had to do with bugs. I hated that episode, by the way. You went back home to Lawrence to face a poltergeist in your old house, two of them and one of them being your mother. She saved you both. Skip down the road, you lost your father to Yellow Eyes as well, after he made a deal to save Dean, who ended up in a coma after a terrible car accident. Dean, going crazy with guilt, made a deal to bring you back from the dead a year later. A year after that, you lost Dean to hellhounds. And now, you're back, and here we all are." She sighed and watched the two of them, both uncomfortable about a complete stranger telling them their whole life story. "And boys, that's just seasons one through three. We're just starting season four." Sam sighed and glanced up at Dean, who was obviously not buying any of it. Faith swallowed hard as she watched him, and stood up, her eyes full of sympathy. "Dean, I'm promising you this now, on my soul, I'm not lying to you. I have nothing to gain from lying, and I wouldn't lie to you. Not after everything the two of you have done for me....you two were there when I had no one. Hell, if you guys hadn't shown up when you did, I'd have shot myself upstairs. So, once again, you two have saved my life." Dean felt in his gut, despite what she was telling them being impossible, that she was telling the truth. Licking his lips, he sighed. "Okay," he finally spoke, "let's pretend you're telling us the truth. How are you here now? I mean, I assume that magic doesn't exist on the other side, so how'd you get here?" Faith shook her head. "I dunno. I went to sleep last night watching Nightmare, and woke up to a house that was completely void of people.  My laptop, all of my stuff was gone." Both boys' brows furrowed. "Nightmare?" Sam asked. "The case involving Max Miller, Sammy--er, Sam, I'm sorry." she said and shook her head with an apologetic smile. "Wait,you keep saying things like we saved your life, that you were alone without us, and you'd be a doornail upstairs if we hadn't shown up." Faith turned pained blue eyes up to him. "Were you depressed?" Dean asked, his brow furrowed. "That happens when you have a crappy home life. No disrespect to your parents, guys, but at least you two are free. But really, its all in the eyes of the beholder." "What do you mean?" Dean asked, his eyes moved over her. He saw the stitches, the scars, the bruises. "You were abused." Faith swallowed, pulling her sleeves down past her hands before wrapping her arms around herself, giving him a stiff nod without looking up at him. "He wasn't the only one doing the abusing, he just did most of it," she muttered, her thumb rubbing at her wrist. Dean clenched his jaw and closed his eyes before wiping his hand over his face. 
"Guys, there's something else. I can't leave the house, like, at all. When I first woke up, back in August, I tried walking outside just to get some fresh air and got thrown back in. It felt like I'd bounced off something. There's something wrong with this house, like its possessed or something. And before you suggest it, I'm not a ghost. I have a heartbeat." Faith took a deep breath and rubbed her forehead, exhausted. "I'm tired, stressed, and emotional. I'm all alone, and I'm on the verge of going stir crazy." She looked between the brothers, and watched as they exchanged soulful looks. "Go ahead and talk, guys, just please..." her voice cracked as she moved her eyes to Dean. "Please, Dean...don't leave me here alone. I don't wanna be alone anymore. Just help me leave this place. You don't trust me, I get it. I'm nobody to you, but I'm begging you here...I'm at your mercy," she whispered. Dean swallowed hard as he listened to her, feeling for this girl.
"Okay. Okay, Faith, look at me," he called to her, earning a teary look. "We'll help you, sweetheart." Sam stood and went to place his hand on her shoulder when she jumped back and crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. "I'm sorry, Sam, its a habit." "No, I'm sorry, Faith." The girl shook her head with a warm smile. "You have nothing to apologize for. It'll just take some getting used to. Trusting people, that is." "Well, we won't hurt you, that's for sure, and we'll set you free. You'll be okay," Dean told her and winked, earning a smile from the girl. ******************* "Okay. So, we think a demon brought you here with a spell, but didn't finish it. And that's why you can't leave this place." "Slacker idjit," she said, and rolled her eyes, then glanced up at Dean who was slightly smirking down at her, then licked his lips. "Anyway, we asked a friend to help us out," he said and opened the door. "Faith, say hello to our little friend," he said with an attempt at an Italian accent. She chuckled and heard the sound of fluttering wings, then turned around to see Castiel standing there. "Hello, Faith," the angel said, simply. "Hey Cas. Good to meet the angel who pulled Dean out of the pit. Nice job with that," she said, her arms crossed over her chest. She noticed the angel give her a curious look before he circled her. "Now, I see why they attempted to bring her here." "What do you mean, Cas?" Dean asked, watching the angel. "Killing a Nephilim is one of the sixty-six seals. And with Faith, you're killing two birds with one stone. If they kill Faith, then not only is Lilith breaking another seal, but she's taking away Michael's second in command in the battle between Heaven and Hell." Faith's brow furrowed as she turned confused and slightly afraid blue eyes to Dean.
"What is he talking about?" she asked and turned to Castiel. "What do you mean by Nephilim? I'm human, Castiel!" she panicked. The angel moved up to her and stared deeply into her eyes, making Faith incredibly uncomfortable. "You have no memory of this? The angel that conceived you must've erased any memories you had. Faith, you're half arch-angel, half human. You're a Nephilim." The color drained from the girl's face as she felt like her lungs had stopped working and her legs had turned to jello. Gasping for breath, Faith searched for something to sit on. "No wonder we could never find her, the Heavenly Hosts erased her memories and put  her in a different realm," Castiel continued, not paying attention to the hyperventilating girl in front of him. Dean turned to his friend, who now stood at the window.
"Castiel, what do you mean you couldn't find her? You've known about her this whole time? Look, we're supposed to be helping this girl, not giving her a heartattack," Dean scolded the angel before kneeling down in front of Faith and took her hand. "Faith, look at me, and breathe. There you go," he said when her breathing started to slow and even out, "That's it, good girl." Faith relaxed in her chair, and forced her eyes from Dean to Castiel who was now staring at her. "If you're sure, then that means I've been from this world the entire time." Faith said and rubbed her forehead. "But why send me to that side of the fence? And why hand me over to those abusive..." Her eyes glowed a bright blue as lights blew out around her, her angel wings speading out behind her, the shadow of them on the wall behind her, her fists clenched tightly at her sides.
"Faith! Calm down!" Castiel called to her, and saw no choice as he placed two fingers to her forehead, watching as she fell to the floor, fast asleep. "What the hell was that?" Dean growled at Cas before looking down at the sleeping girl at his feet. "Dean, this girl...it all makes sense now. Years ago, there was a rumor that a Nephilim had come into being, but we could never find it. Michael never comes to Earth, so we had no reason to suspect him of such treason. This girl dead will achieve three victories for the demons. One broken seal, she won't play her pivotal part in the apocalypse, and she's the Nephilim child of the highest archangel on the scale, Michael." Dean's eyes widened before they fell back down to the sleeping girl at his feet. Swallowing hard, he gently scooped her up into his arms and laid her on the bed, then turned back to Castiel. "You're sure about this?" he asked. "Yes." "How?" "Dean, I can see Michael's mark on her heart. Its how we tell who the angel father is. Almost like a brand. Nephilim are forbidden by the highest laws of Heaven which explains why he put her somewhere nobody would ever look. But still, I can't believe he'd do this."
"What's gonna happen to her?" Dean asked, glancing down at the sleeping girl. "I don't know." Dean's attention snapped to Castiel. "You're not gonna help her? Why? Cas, she's an innocent girl. She didn't ask for any of this, man, and that includes being created, or to be brought here by the damn demons that want her dead. She doesn't deserve to be killed like a common monster." He sighed, squeezing the bridge of his nose. "We'll fix this, then we'll get her out of here, and take her to Bobby's, and go from there. I'm not leaving an innocent girl, who's not even a hunter, to fend for herself against Heaven and Hell, and everything else in between. Especially after everything she's already been through. As far as I can tell, she deserves better than both Michael and that son of a bitch on the other side," Dean said, shaking his head. *******************
Faith awoke to the purr of an engine that sounded like it was coming from beneath her. Blinking her eyes open, she glanced around the interior of the impala and couldn't help but smile. "You didn't leave me behind," she said, softly, earning Dean's attention. "I made you a promise, didn't I?" he asked her, and handed her a brown bag. "Bacon cheeseburger, no onions. You don't seem like a chick that likes onions," he told her, not taking his eyes off the road. "Good call," she said, glad he couldn't see the red tint in her cheeks, taking the burger out and biting into it, moaning. "Oh god, Dean, that's awesome." Dean smirked. "I have a feeling we're gonna be good friends." Faith smiled brightly and ate her burger quietly, not pushing her limits.
@ellewritesfix05​ @whispersandwhiskerburn​ @chevyharvelle​ @allfandomxreader​
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aloesarchives · 4 years ago
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Joji Narushima Headcanons pt:2
This is the first piece for 2021, let’s go! These are mostly self-indulgent headcanons I have about Joji when I reread FOTS. 
Heads up: Use of female pronouns 
Man, Joji is a whole ass husband. Like legit, if you’re married to this man, you better hold on to him because you’ll have a hard time getting some that’s like him.
Joji always does his share of housework and doesn’t believe only one person should do it. He’ll do the dishes, clean the house, vacuum, keep the bathroom spotless, etc. Damn, this man even can do laundry and fold that shit neatly in the laundry basket. 
He also doesn’t mind helping you do these chores too. If you ask him for help, he’ll come help you do them. The laundry basket is a little too heavy to carry to your room? Joji will not only carry it for you but also help you fold the clothes in the basket as well.
Ugh, we stan such a wholeass husband, amazing
Joji doesn’t have a carefree “I don’t care” attitude. It’s more of him being okay with certain situations or is just unfazed by most things. Basically “It is what it is then/ This is cool, I guess”. 
With that being said, Joji is 90% down to do anything. Boost it to 99% if it’s with you. Which means you can drag this man anywhere you want and he won’t complain. Whether it’s taking him to the mall, exploring around, or getting groceries, he’ll never protest to you.
Now that I mentioned it, Joji is more than okay buying groceries for you. Especially, when you’re very busy or for convenience. Like when you just finished making dinner and noticed you were running low on a dozen eggs and some vegetables. You know Joji was coming home soon so you called him to ask if he could stop by to get what you needed. He was perfectly okay with it and came home with what you asked. Half of the time, Joji involuntarily goes to the supermarket to get groceries. This mostly happens in the mornings when he’s home and you’re still waking up. Joji knows how to buy groceries, which is a blessing. Mostly because when it’s just a casual trip to the Supermarket, he legit knows what to buy and get for the fridge. He always knows what to get and never anything solely for himself.
You mostly, by which you buy almost all, buy Joji’s clothes. This is because when you first started living for Joji, you took a look in his closet and you dragged him to the mall. Nothing god awful, just more so questionable. You do allow him to have a say and opinion when choosing clothes. But ultimately you have the final say in what clothes you buy for him. Your efforts to give him decent clothes and a style pays off when his colleagues ask about where he got his clothes and he’ll just say “(Y/N) bought this for me.” Many of them know you because you frequently visit Rukoshin so they know who you are. They are in awe about Joji’s clothes because they’re actually cool and look good on him. Longshen and Sei are forever grateful to you for giving Joji decent clothes, while Kentaro, Tsutomu, and Shido are asking where you bought them.
But not gonna lie, you purposely buy him clothes that he’ll like and look good in. Specifically the second part. You always buy him well fitted short sleeves. You say it’ll suit Joji, which is true, but he also looks a little hot and handsome in it. Joji likes the shirt(s) and you get a nice view, a win win situation right here.
It’s the small things that matter to him. Chilling on the couch watching tv, man’s gonna bring you close to him and he got a firm grip around you. A little cold outside? Joji will literally give you his sweater/jacket to you. Fell asleep on the couch? Man will throw a blanket over you and fix your sleep position so you don’t wake up sore. He’ll do that for you.
Joji would straight up carry you to bed and tuck you in. Caresses your cheek and hair, even kissing your forehead. Oh my god lord have mercy on my soul
On the topic of sleep, Joji mostly sleeps without a shirt. He sleeps in sweatpants or shorts depending on his mood and season. Joji is a moderate sleeper, leaning a little bit on the heavier side. Joji doesn’t move a lot in his sleep which gives you the perfect opportunity to either sleep on top of him or hugging his side. Joji, however, has a thing where he needs to sleep close to you no matter what. You could be facing away from him when you fell asleep, but in the morning you found yourself with Joji’s arm under your head and the other on your waist holding you close.
But Joji being shirtless and wearing grey sweatpants is a sight for eyes that I would shamelessly stare at. Don’t lie, you would too, come join me sis.
As I mentioned in my previous headcanon, Joji tries to stay out of fighting in general if they are not in a sparring or tournament. (AKA street or unground fighting) But I really mean it when he wants to stay out of it as much as possible. Even when his life is threatened, he doesn’t want to fight. He’ll fight for self-defense purposes but never out of his own reasons. This is due to him not wanting to complicate things with you. Although he is not that very expressive, it doesn’t mean he’s apathetic, lacking human sympathy or understanding. He knows you, and he knows you well. He knows you worry about him when he fights even though you know fully well he can handle himself.(As Joji has won some championships and been in the finals for most of Rokushin’s tournaments and you being there at said tournaments). But he doesn’t blame you though, you don’t like seeing your hubby getting injured or hurt at all. Again, you are fully aware that he is one of Rukoshin’s top fighters but it doesn’t mean he’ll always come out unscathed. You’re not super paranoid or worrisome. You’re just concerned for him, and that is completely normal. It shows Joji you care for him and he doesn’t want to put you through a lot of stress. Plus, you being worrisome/stressed out over Joji never sits well with him so he doesn’t become reckless in order to not put you through that. Plus, Joji has to stay out of trouble because one of Rukoshin’s rules is no underground matches. So he pretty much has enough reason not to do anything stupid.
Again, as I mentioned before in my previous Joji headcanons, you and Joji used to take care of Koga when he was younger. Honestly, you loved taking care of Koga, whether he was young or older. But you had very fond memories of taking care of young Koga. One time, you and Joji took him to the mall because of errands and window shopping. You told them you’ll be back as you had to run into a store to pick up something. When you came out, you saw Koga holding a cute teddy bear while holding Joji’s hand. Turns out Joji has a hard time saying no to his young nephew and Joji bought him that. Well, since Koga was happy you were happy too. At one point, a nice old lady asked if Koga was your son. You replied no and said that he was your nephew. The old woman smiled at you and said you would be a great mother while handing you a bag of freshly made mochi. That interaction has never left you and she wasn’t wrong since Koga loved you so much. And he still does to this day but he will never say it out loud to you.
Koga always called you Auntie (Y/N) and that shit was adorable as hell.
You bet Joji’s wallpaper is you. The lock screen was of you and little Koga smiling. But his home screen, his HOME SCREEN, his home screen is the two of you on your wedding. When you saw this, you asked him why he chose that picture to be his wallpaper. He said you were very beautiful on that day and your smile was something he loved about you. Damn, if you never felt so warm before, here you are.
Joji, for whatever reason, buys you gifts even though you don’t ask for them. Not like buying super expensive stuff or going a spending spree. But gifts, mostly small ones. He came home with a bouquet of your favorite flowers, once in a while he’ll buy you a stuffed animal. But the most notable one was on your first wedding anniversary, he got you this beautiful sapphire diamond accented silver necklace. It was so beautiful that Joji said it reminded him of you when he saw it on a display case when he was at the mall. Bruh, you cried because no one has ever thought about you in such a way. Man, I would’ve cried too. The best part about the necklace is that it matches your wedding ring. So when you don’t want to wear it on your finger, you just put it on your necklace. You mostly do this so you won’t lose your ring and to make others aware you’re off the market. Sis, show that thing off!
See look, Joji loves and trusts you with his whole soul and being. However, he knows there are going to be a bunch of goons and people that just want to bother you, more so during the time of the menjin army conflict. Around this time, Joji was like “(Y/N), I love you but you have to be on guard for a few months until I say so”. Depending on who you’re hanging out with, he’ll ask them to watch over you while he got stuff at Rokushin. Almost everyone in Rokushin knows you so they don’t mind his request mostly because he almost threatens them so. Anyway, you’re likely gonna always hangout with Katsuya. Mostly because Joji and him hangout and are on good terms with each other.
Joji really likes to eat. He loves food so much. Your dates were just you and Joji going to food places and eating there. When he’s hungry, he’ll buy some and call you to see if you want something. Even if you don’t want anything, he’ll buy you a small snack or something. One of your languages of love between the two of you is food.
Joji is extremely caring. There are times where he’s up at night and wants to talk to you but he knows you’re sleeping and doesn’t want to disturb you and your sleep. He’ll check up on you when he gets the chance, not too frequent and not too distant either. One time, you were hungry and it was late in the afternoon. You asked Joji if he wanted to eat out. He said he was free and you two went on your escapade. 
When Koga was training with Joji, you would visit and check up on his progress. Depending how bruised and beaten he is from sparring, you patch him up and bring food for the two of them.
The reason Joji has a thing for biting was when he was training in the mountain he fought a bear. And the only way he defeated the bear was by biting it really hard. So that’s why he keeps mentioning biting to Koga. But he also likes biting something else if you catch my drift.
Joji got nice hands. Sure they’re rough and have some callousness, but they are warm and nice. Like when you hold his hand, it feels so nice. When he’s caressing your waist, head or cheek, it just feels so comforting and it hits differently.
His hugs are so nice, they are so good.
Joji is more on the receiving end of affection then giving it. Not like he won’t hug you or hold your hand. It’s more of him going with the flow and reciprocating back at you. 
Joji likes being close but never is clingy. He knows you got your things to do and he doesn’t want to restrict your time. He knows when to give space.
Sometimes, Koga will ask you what you saw in Joji and you have been married to him for at least a decade. The only thing you tell him is how Joji has treated you and that’s the only answer you give him. Koga is clueless but you tell him he’ll understand when he really thinks about it. But not too much to damage his own brain.
Joji is such a good husband, loving, caring and respectful
King shit 10/10
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halothenthehorns · 3 years ago
Text
TLTNL- DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY
Remus struggled for a moment to make himself reach for the book, to keep going in a perfectly normal tone after their worst fear had nearly been realized and Sirius' fate had been silenced in this future. The worst part was Sirius looking at him expectantly, like he was waiting for Moony to start prattling on about bowtruckles again. He couldn't do it, the words burst out of him like fire, "Sirius, would you please at least look at this like you would a mission for the Order, and stop treating your personal safety like an extra quill."
Sirius puffed up his cheeks, but still refused to look around at all the concerned faces as he stated, "and what, worry my tail off like the lot of you? Exactly what good would that do? I'll be fine, that toad doesn't scare me, and I'm not ever going to give up talking to Harry out of fear!" He finished with a hard look at Remus.
Remus looked like he'd been slapped and quickly turned away, while James scrutinized the two, trying to understand why Sirius thought that was the reason for Remus' silence since he'd left school...and then not being able to think of an idea against it.
Harry hadn't even registered the exchange; his mind was a pain filled buzz as the memory he'd just been given felt like the worst omen yet. Something about Sirius, and the fireplace, Umbridge's office-
"Now get on with it and read Moony, there is just no sense sitting around talking about what ifs." Sirius finished with a hint of an apology in his voice. He'd regretted the words as soon as they'd slipped out, he'd been determined not to have a go at Remus for his future anymore than he wanted to sit around thinking about his own.
The tone had caught Harry by surprise, instantly taking away whatever he'd been thinking to look over at the Marauders and realize he'd missed something, but he didn't get a chance to ask for what as Remus began around a tight throat.
Hermione was trying to convince Harry his mail was being read, it was the only explanation, and Harry drew the conclusion it was Umbridge who'd attacked Hedwig.
"I'll kill her," Harry said flatly.
James eyed his son with worry. Not that he didn't agree, but he found his son with some pretty bad self-esteem issues that it took the maiming of his pet to want her dead, while his being tortured had been played off by him.
  Then she quickly pointed out for Harry his frog was escaping.
Remus did a double take at that, trying to figure out what Harry was doing.
Harry summoned it back to him without much thought.
"Magic can make you so lazy," Sirius chuckled, "I'd have much more enjoyed chasing it about the room."
They were having this conversation in Charms, one of the best lessons in which to enjoy a private chat;
"Always true," Lily agreed.
"Be careful someone's keeping an eye on Flitwick though, he's been known to sneak up on you," James said absently, he still hadn't been able to take his worried eyes off Sirius, and now kept glancing at Remus in concern he was reading so despondent. Clearly what Sirius had said struck him deep, and James was getting worried, he hated watching his friends argue.
there was so much noise going on with the rest of the class no one paid any attention to individual groups. Today it was extra noisy, as rain was pelting the windows and the room was filled with croaking frogs and cawing ravens, which they were supposed to be silencing.
Hermione was still saying her idea she'd been suspecting something like this since Filch's attempt to get Harry's mail, it had seemed rather feeble to make it out as a prank.
Harry scowled shamefully for himself not having put more thought into that at the time, he could have saved his family heart failure if he'd put a little more thought into that moment rather than letting Cho distract him. He felt like a failure, all he'd done was cause them worry since his arrival here.
Then she'd realized the whole point was an excuse for someone to read his mail, and Filch had no true reason for this, so what if Umbridge had put him up to it?
"That's so foul, and yet it makes a despicable amount of sense," Remus said in disgust.
She then informed Harry he was squishing his frog.
Harry glanced down and saw the bulging eyes popping out of the head he was clenching his fist around it so hard, and quickly released.
Remus frowned lightly at the pages, thinking Hermione should quit sharing this kind of information when Harry was holding live creatures. That was twice now he could have done one a serious harm by not paying attention.
Harry saw the look and sheepishly defended, "I may have honestly got the two swapped in that moment."
Sirius at least snorted at the joke.
Hermione kept going with her own line, wondering if Umbridge even realized how close she'd come, before using the Silencio charm.
"I still can't imagine, I mean how would she-" James struggled to put into words all the fear and anger that moment had caused.
"She more than likely doesn't know it's actually me," Sirius reasoned out. "The Floo network would have put together for her Harry was meeting up with someone outside the castle, and she was trying to snag them, but I can't imagine how she'd put my name into the equation when everyone still thinks I'm a mass murderer."
The bullfrog fell silent mid croak as Hermione finished her thought if Umbridge had succeeded, but she broke off so Harry finished Snuffles would be back in Azkaban by now.
All five of them shivered hard for that ever having to be a thing again, not to mention because it would be the first step in the worst outcome.
Hermione was still worried about the now, how they had to warn him not to come again, but there was no way if their mail was being watched.
Ron defended Sirius wasn't so stupid, he realized he'd almost been caught and wasn't likely to come back again after that.
Lily tried hard not to smile at the subject change, but she'd be happy to sit around all day and hear of Harry's lessons rather than picturing anything happening to Sirius. She already wanted to hug him any time she had to imagine him being in that dark house by himself at all hours, now he was officially cut off from any communication as well. She'd be surprised if he didn't go mad in there and burn the place down by holiday break.
He tried his own attempt at the charm, and his raven let out a derisive caw in protest.
Hermione corrected he wasn't using the correct wand movement, it was more of a jabbing motion.
Ron snapped back birds were harder than frogs.
Hermione offered to swap him then, and put her frog in front of him while snapping away his raven.
"Why were we using two separate animals anyways?" Harry asked just to keep up the subject change. "They've always had enough of the same animal before."
"Honestly, I think he just likes to mix it up for fun now and again, remember the class where we were practicing charming animals to hum, he provided a range of birds so we could hear the different effects. Maybe he did something similar here, though the idea doesn't work as well on silencing two well known animal noises," Remus trailed off as he still seemed puzzled at his own answer, but Harry grinned and seemed satisfied enough to wave him on.
Hermione went again, and though the sharp beak opened, no sound came out.
"What exactly did he think was going to happen?" Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'd be more stunned by this point if she didn't pull it off."
She was praised for her work by Flitwick showing up then, causing them all to jump.
"Yep, there it is," James grinned for that old times feeling.
He then asked to see Ron give it a try, which only resulted in his jabbing the toad in the eye as the croaking grew even louder upon the desk.
"I don't even blame it," Lily frowned in sympathy.
Both he and Harry were then given the homework to practice.
"At this rate, I'd be more surprised if we weren't given additional homework," Harry threw his hands up in exasperation.
Sirius gave him an understanding look, keeping the thought to himself how funny it was Harry was doing extra studying for a class that was offering him the least amount of work this year.
They spent their free period in an empty classroom on the first floor with a large majority of students rather than brave the storm outside, but had chosen a room that Peeves was floating around in aiming ink pellets at students.
"Why didn't they all just move to another classroom?" Lily frowned, she knew she wouldn't have tolerated that and would have started cursing Peeves the moment he hit her or her friends.
"Because he'd just move with the herd, best to try and show disinterest in his being there and hope he goes away," James shrugged.
"Never worked on you," Lily smirked, causing James to open, then close his mouth without response.
Angelina arrived soon as well to inform them she'd managed to get permission to reform their Quidditch team.
"Oh thank Merlin!" All four boys cheered with relief while Lily rolled her eyes indulgently and hoped this chapter would just skip to that match already, she was already sick of hearing it.
Harry and Ron cheered at the idea as she told them they were having a practice that night. She managed to walk away in time to avoid getting pelted by Peeves, who instead hit a first-year.
The smile vanished from Ron as a crack of thunder lit the downpour outside.
"Best get used to that," James's smile didn't dim in the least at the reminder of the weather, "Quidditch holds for no storm."
Sirius winced in remembrance of the last storm Harry played in, and couldn't decide if he was rooting for Snuffles to make another appearance, though at least there wouldn't be dementors this time.
Ron voiced the hope that would begin to lighten up by practice, but Hermione gave no indication she'd even heard him.
Harry asked if she was still thinking about Snuffles?
"Not that I'm not intensely flattered I consume so many of her thoughts-"
"Your point's sharper the sooner you get to it Padfoot," Remus rolled his eyes.
"-but why was that your first thought?" Sirius finished as if he'd never interrupted.
"It was on my mind, I tend to get a little panicky about such things when my godfather was nearly captured less than twenty-four hours ago," Harry said so sharply Sirius dropped the joke at once.
Hermione said slowly she was more wondering, that they were doing the right thing.
"Regarding?" James prompted when Remus trailed off.
"Nope, that's where she stopped," Remus shrugged.
The boys exchanged a look before Ron stated he was quite glad she'd been clear on that, it would have been annoying if she'd been vague or something.
"Honestly, I don't know how you can stand her," Sirius grinned in agreement.
Hermione finally looked at them and admitted she was having doubts about doing the right thing with this Defense group.
"It was her idea?" Lily balked in confusion. "What's she playing at?"
"She certainly wasn't acting like this even after the bill was passed, her precious laws," Remus agreed with a confused scowl for this abrupt change.
The boys were shocked at her as she twisted her fingers and began admitting that after talking to Snuffles- Harry interrupted to remind he'd been all for the idea.
Hermione looked guiltily out the window as she admitted this was what was causing her doubts.
Sirius had yet felt more insulted by anyone, but Hermione just kept managing to hit him with the hardest blows lately, and this is one he'd give her a good snap for. He hadn't argued the point when she'd accused him of being insane, he half believed her no matter how terrified it made him. He'd given in to Molly helping him to look after Harry, Merlin knew it would be foolish to turn down anyone willing with all the trouble his godson was clearly going to get up to, but this? Was Hermione really saying if he'd told the lot of them off she'd be even more gung-ho for the idea? It was of the utmost insulting to his pride that his encouraging Harry along with something now was putting Hermione on the ropes!
Sirius' silent fuming was nothing compared to the other fours outburst of Hermione's line of thinking on this one. She'd said some pretty nasty things about their friend, and she continued to do it without a care for anyone, clearly not Harry. His one vague parent in his life and Hermione was saying they should no longer do something because he'd given the okay for it?
The only good thing Hermione's snide comment had done was fixed the Marauder's problem aside if for a moment. Watching Remus tersely mutter a few things about Hermione gave James and Sirius a nice firm reminder their Moony had yet to ignore Harry or anyone in any sense, and Remus forced himself to keep going after a moment just in hopes Harry might put a dung bomb in her face for the comment.
Harry snapped in outrage Hermione no longer thought her idea was a good one just because Sirius thought so as well?
Hermione asked how well he trusted his judgment, and Harry said without a doubt. An ink pellet chose that moment to strike Katie, and Hermione took her time in responding by watching the girl throw curses at the Poltergeist.
"First the twins, now Peeves, does someone have it out for Katie?" Lily couldn't help but frown for the poor girl.
It was a few moments before Hermione spoke again and it sounded as though she was choosing her words very carefully.
"Not carefully enough as she's still saying them," James hissed in disgust.
Asking if perhaps Sirius wanted them to be reckless as a way to cope with where he was stuck at.
"He rode off the back of an executed hippogriff thanks to her illegal help, and she's got the nerve to call him reckless!" James spat. "Honestly, sometimes I swear I question Hermione's sanity."
Harry was not going to come to his friend's defense on this one, that was a low blow against someone who meant the world to him, he could not see Hermione's point on this in any way.
That he might be trying to live through them by egging them on? He would love to be forming secret societies right under the Ministry's nose and so would be encouraging anyone else to do it for his own amusement.
Lily chewed on her tongue for a moment as she considered her words before ungraciously saying, "She's half right on that at least, certainly got the motive anyways, though I still can't see that last part as his real intention. He's bored, but would never do something to really get Harry into trouble if the cause wasn't worth it."
James frowned heavily at her, but didn't bite her head off as she hadn't exactly said anything explicitly wrong, though it rankled him she wouldn't just be as mad as the rest of them for this.
Ron told her she sounded like his mother.
Sirius made a deep throated noise that might have been a laugh if he wasn't scoffing in disgust.
Hermione bit her lip and did not answer. The bell rang just as Peeves swooped down on Katie and emptied an entire ink bottle over her head.
"Fitting," Sirius murmured, his tone more distant than ever. He didn't agree with Hermione on this one, not one little bit, but if anything, he was starting to feel a touch of hope again. If Hermione could be so wildly inaccurate about this, maybe her own mind was exaggerating whatever she'd seen of him over the summer. Still though, could both she and Molly be so wrong? They did seem rather similar, and no one else had paid that comment any mind of his unstable mind, perhaps he'd read too much into it? After all, as had been proven several times now, Hermione didn't know everything.
Ron's hope was not fulfilled, as seven rolled around the boys all trounced down through the downpour to that evening's practice, coming into the locker room to find Fred and George muttering to each other about trying to use one of their Snacks to get out of practice.
"Wouldn't she know it was a ruse though?" Sirius asked at once with absolute enthusiasm, he really hated all the sour looks around him all involving him, he was supposed to be the one to keep those looks away and Sirius did not fail at his job. "The twins haven't been subtle about them to the student body, so if they randomly get sick for no reason, I imagine she'd call them out on their bull."
James hesitated, but his mind was now caught on the issue and he couldn't help but respond, "honestly, I'm a bit insulted they're trying at all, come on men, they could be playing their game in this weather, this is keen practice you can't fake."
"The both of you should be hospitalized," Remus grumbled as he flipped the page.
Fred wasn't on the idea, saying she'd know what they were doing since he'd tried to sell her a Puking Pastille yesterday.
Sirius grinned pompously for thinking exactly like the twins, and was honestly disappointed no one pointed it out for him, so he'd just have to bask in his own glory.
George offered the Fever Fudge, as no one had seen that one yet.
"Nah, still the same idea," Sirius wouldn't let his moment go, "randomly sick, she'll know they're faking it."
"Hey look, I was right about a fever pill," James grinned.
Ron asked if they'd share a bit of that, and the twins confessed it wasn't on the market for a reason yet, it caused boils they had yet to be rid of. Ron looked at his brothers in confusion, saying he didn't see any boils on them, and Fred stated it wasn't on an area they commonly displayed, George agreeing it made sitting on a broom a right pain in the-
"Place they get their boils?" Lily finished helpfully as all four boys winced. Honestly Lily found it a miracle broom riding persisted at all, for as uncomfortable as it seemed to be riding on sticks of wood with only your legs to support you, it must be ten times more uncomfortable for lads. She'd never ridden on a horse or a motorbike, but she imagined a combination of the two on something even smaller just would not make for a pleasant experience no matter what her husband tried to tell her.
Angelina chose that moment to enter, saying she was aware how bad the weather was, but as these could be the very conditions of their first game it was an excellent training opportunity.
"Your team's already got the advantage for this anyways!" Remus cheered slightly at the thought even if he was still shifting a bit uncomfortably at the twins' predicament. "The Slytherin's opted out of that one like the cowards they are, you've already far more practice with this weather."
"Ah karma," James and Sirius grinned.
Then she asked Harry about what he'd done to his glasses during that rain?
"Is that really not a common spell anymore?" James seemed mystified these upperclassmen didn't know it, then again as he thought back, he couldn't quite remember who'd taught him that spell either. It may have actually been his dad, and like the cleaning spell, only been passed down from word of mouth so he supposed it was possible none of the others would know this, though now he was curious who would have mentioned it to Hermione. Perhaps Flitwick if Hermione was asking for even more extra work at the beginning of the year?
Harry showed them the spell Impervius.
"Look at you passing on useful wisdom already," Remus grinned. "You'll be a natural at this."
Harry grinned sheepishly even as he did jitter with excitement to get to his first Du- err, Defense meeting. His brain fizzled a bit as he tried to understand for a moment what else he'd been fixing to call it, but the idea was gone the moment he'd thought of it.
The whole team performed the spell as well, but it helped nothing by the time they were in the open, it was clear very soon no one had much clue what anyone else was doing, visibility was nonexistent.
"How on earth do the Chasers communicate in that set up?" Lily couldn't stop the intrigue creeping into her voice for this idea.
"A lot of practice in these conditions, learning silent and very subtle signals from each other, having to stay close enough to keep up those communications but also still at a far enough distance you're keeping tabs on the other team's Chasers. I actually set up this routine where every time I slapped at my shoe the partner on my right, you remember Bishop, she'd toss the ball as high as she could and it was always Pessins job to snatch it away as a quick diversion tactic-" James eagerly launched at once into some of his own spins on this.
Lily actually watched with some interest for a moment, as she'd never put much into the game even while dating him during seventh year, but suddenly she realized she'd never really bothered to listen to him either. She admired when he got so intense over the subject, but the actual techniques had always been lost on her as she'd never intended to hear these details.
It took the other three a moment to realize Lily wasn't going to cut James off, for once, and Remus cleared his throat loudly to do it for her as he was delving into an intensely detailed account of the effects of wind per hour on the tailwind that could be created in the right circumstances. Lily gave herself a little shake and looked back to him in surprise, almost as if she'd forgotten there was an audience, as he continued.
Angelina finally called it quits after an hour, Fred and George having to hobble back to the changing room, Fred hissing about how his had ruptured. George told him he was lucky, his were still throbbing and had grown bigger.
Remus experienced intense pain on a monthly basis, and he was still managing to read that with a wince of horror upon every word for the poor twins' circumstances with this.
It was Harry though who cried out in pain as he pressed a towel to his face, as his scar had seared more painfully than it had in weeks.
Lily's teeth sunk into now familiar scars upon her lower lip with nerves, her eyes resting protectively on her boy as he rubbed at his scar with remembered pain, his face screwed tight as he forced himself not to acknowledge what about these had his mind spinning with the most intense emotion he'd ever experienced.
The team asked what had happened, but Harry quickly fibbed he'd just poked himself in the eye. As everyone was leaving though, Harry caught Ron's eye and he hung back.
"I'm sure that was as subtle as could be," Sirius shifted anxiously at this happening again. He wished it would stop, it made him clench with such unease he could have his own boils.
Ron guessed it had something to do with his scar, and when Harry confirmed this, Ron looked back towards the entrance with worry You-Know-Who couldn't be here now.
James felt his stomach churning in a panic, already his hand itching for his wand in fear of his son ever being back around that monster again, wasn't three traumatic experiences enough? Yet somehow, on the grounds of Hogwarts, would still cap them all.
Harry said that wasn't it, he was angry.
"Like he was when Crouch got away last year," Remus muttered, his mind racing to try and understand this. "So not a new experience like with Umbridge, in fact I'm now convinced she isn't connected to this. Voldemort was angry at that exact moment as well."
"Isn't there something he could do to block this though!" Lily yelped, fear vibrating so much from her being it had its own tangibility. "Harry has his own anger to be dealing with, he really doesn't need to know when Voldemort is as well."
Harry looked around hopefully, but the only answer any of the Marauders could have offered was Occlumency, and they weren't even sure if that would solve this problem. This...connection Harry had with Voldemort wasn't like anything they had come across, certainly nothing they understood enough to speculate on to even begin offering a cure, let alone some aid to help in stopping this.
When Lily realized the only answer to her own rhetorical question, she couldn't bring herself to mention it either, why instill false hope for even a second, and so spoke to him with the only thing she could offer, "in anything that happens dear, at least I know you'll get through it."
"You've such confidence," Harry sighed. He wished he could agree with her, and the distance he was forcing himself to have from his memories at the moment to not understand a painful answer was helping him towards believing her, which was the only way he could wave Remus to keep going with any semblance of looking okay.
Ron sank down beside him on the bench as Ron asked how he knew that, but even Harry wasn't sure. The words had slipped out of his mouth with no knowledge of where they came from, but he kept going in this same way, something Voldemort wanted done, and it wasn't happening fast enough.
Their worry for this happening to him remained at its highest level at this news, and yet they were all forcing themselves not to panic as if this were new again. This was just like Harry's dreams from last year, only now he was getting this information without having to be asleep, and it was hurting his scar less, at least he wasn't screaming in pain...yet. However, with every new development Harry continued to contract from Voldemort's feelings, the harder it got to pretend there even was a solution out there.
Remus wondered if Harry could even start exhibiting these problems in this time now. After all, a Voldemort with a body did exist currently, though he had yet to curse their Harry, so perhaps that would continue to prevent his future counterpart from experiencing this ever? He could only hope, and even if not, they still had time to find some kind of solution. Voldemort had his body back for many months before Harry's problem started exhibiting symptoms this bad.
Ron asked how Harry could know this, and Harry admitted he had no clue. Then Ron asked if this was what had happened before around Umbridge, anger?
Harry thought back to that moment, assessing it now from a distance, and realized that moment of swooping in his gut had been joy, but he hadn't known it for what it was at the time because he'd been so miserable himself in that moment.
"Okay, so that one is new," James groaned as their only solace was torn from beneath their feet.
"Was happiness a new one?" Lily at once tried to keep a single wall up. "I think we can count Crouch's escape and subsequent owl saying he was dead as both, don't you, so I think we can still say this is, well not normal, but not new," Lily's voice was breaking at the end with the strain of holding onto her own hope.
"Yes Lily, I'm-I'm sure that's it," Remus forced himself to agree past the lump in his throat, all eyes both trying to avoid Harry and watch him with deep worry all at once. This never got easier to hear about.
Harry explained the difference, he'd been pleased last time, but right now he was very angry.
He looked up to meet Ron's eyes, and found him gaping at him before saying he could take over Trelawney's job.
"Now is not the time for insults Ronald," Lily said tartly while Sirius forced a laugh he didn't feel.
Harry corrected he wasn't making predictions. Ron took a moment to agree, Harry was in fact reading You-Know-Who's mind.
Harry felt a tingling sensation at the crown of his head. Something about that, regarding Voldemort's mind, he truly should remember- then Remus muttered something under his breath Sirius genuinely laughed at, and Harry was looking to his parents who were sharing a fond smile as they always did whenever those two quietly snarked at each other, and Harry refused to let that pain be his undoing when he had them around him for support.
Harry tried to say it was more like getting flashes of his mood, Dumbledore had warned this was happening last year when Voldemort was near or angry, well now when he was pleased too.
Sirius could not seem to get the message to his brain, or never bothered trying, that this was a bad idea as he began mocking, "can you imagine if you got his whole range? Peckish, depressed, smug, horn-"
"Padfoot," Remus pleasantly informed him, "not in front of the kid," he happily indicated the infant on the ground, and Sirius clipped his mouth right shut as Remus moved along.
Ron saw this as an opportunity to again tell Harry he should go say all this to Dumbledore, but Harry refused at once, saying he'd just said Dumbledore knew this was happening, there was no point.
Harry crossed his arms definitively, waiting for someone to tell him he was being an idiot again, but to his surprise no one did.
James wasn't happy about it, but he told Harry, "I wish you'd think about this decision a bit more, this isn't just about you and Dumbledore's problems, Voldemort is a threat to the whole world and any news about him should be kept up to date with the man who's got the best idea on how to stop him, but it's not as if anyone can force you to send this along. You didn't ask for this job of being Voldemort's antenna."
Harry winced anyways, the message had come across clear enough. Harry suddenly did feel petty, and his worry he was constantly trying to bury lately was rearing full force in concern that his stubbornness was going to get someone killed.
Ron still said Dumbledore would want to know this, but Harry just shrugged,
"News pertinent to the fate of the world, and our young Harry just shrugs it off," Remus muttered for Sirius alone, who smiled absently in agreement.
before reminding they had Charms homework to get to.
"Never thought he'd put homework above stopping the villain of all evil, seems Hermione's got his priorities sorted for him," Sirius whispered back.
Harry was thankful the subject did not come up again as they headed upstairs, but his own mind wouldn't shut off as he thought for the first time in many months what Sirius had told him his first night in Grimmauld Place. Voldemort was searching for something, like a weapon, something he didn't have last time.
They all shifted in unease as Sirius' words came floating back like that. Like a weapon that he didn't have last time...but the endless possibilities of what that could be without any kind of information was no more helpful now than it had been when Sirius first passed that information along. Remus still felt like clocking him and himself for not having said the answer already, it was maddening.
Harry hadn't even speculated on this in ages, too busy dwelling on the Ministry interference.
"Honestly neither have I," James agreed, "I found the issues going on at our school just a bit more current and pressing, I still trust the Order to be handling whatever my friends are being cryptic about."
"So glad you have," Lily grumbled, "my brain's been going crazy keeping track of everything I want to be keeping track of, and that's currently a very top concern."
James ran his hand lovingly through the fiery hair, and then began playing with it helping her to relax for just a moment.
Harry now wondered if Voldemort's anger was connected to this weapon. Had the Order thwarted him in getting it? What was it? Where was it? Who had it now?
"All excellent questions," Remus heaved a heavy sigh.
He was forced back to his surroundings by entering the nearly empty common room. Thankfully Hermione had gone off to bed so he didn't have to hear the same advice twice, and instead he tried to get to work on his Charms work. Ron still kept giving him anxious looks as he began their assignment, but sadly Harry's mind was so distracted, he'd hardly written a word by the time Ron called it a night.
Even being very low on her list of worries, Lily still shot Harry an anxious look, though in understanding. Homework wasn't exactly something helpful to take your mind off your problems.
Midnight came and went while Harry was reading and rereading a passage about the uses of scurvy-grass, lovage and sneezewort and not taking in a word of it.
"Well it's no wonder you weren't making any progress on your Charms homework," Lily suddenly snorted in surprise as Remus reread that to make sure he had it right. "Those are potion ingredients love."
"Maybe that's why Ron was looking at you anxiously," Sirius wasn't trying very hard to fight off a grin, "you were in the wrong book mate, and he was too afraid to correct you."
Harry actually gave them a bemused smile for the odd slip, but it was better than that worry line that had yet to leave his face for any length of time lately.
Phrases from the book kept leaping out at him about the effects of these plants causing recklessness...
"Urgh, who'd have thought reading about Voldemort's emotions would still be more interesting than listening to this nonsense," James grumbled.
but then his mind would trail off as he remembered Hermione calling Sirius reckless...
and back and forth it went as Harry kept reading passages and still wondering about all his problems, like how his connection with Voldemort had never been explained satisfactorily by Dumbledore.
Lily couldn't help but smile though, finding it fascinating as Harry linked such ingredients together with his real world problems, that truly was a good studying techniques if he'd actually been taking it in.
...the wizard is desirous . . .
"You don't have to remind me of how desirable I am Moony," Sirius preened, while Remus flicked him in the nose before loudly moving on.
and all Harry wanted to do was sleep...
which produced hot-headedness...
and his chair was so comfy, and the fire was warm as if all around him...Harry was walking along a long, dark corridor with a door at the end of the passage that had no knob...
Harry'd had many moments so far where he'd understood without knowing how the importance of something, and this was by far the worst of all. Something about that door, it would mean something to his future, something terrible, and yet to put this into words, to make that fear tangible and real, would be a pain his mind could not cope with, he understood this better than ever of himself, and that scared him most of all. What happened in there that finally he wasn't willing to look ahead and see?
The worst part was when Harry forced himself back out of his mind and realized his moment had not gone unnoticed. They were all as tense as when his connection to Voldemort had been spoken of, yet they did not understand, how could they? It must simply be a dream with no other meaning, what terrible thing could be causing Harry the pain they'd seen on his face from some simple restless sleep he'd been having for months?
Harry was sharply awoken by Dobby saying right in his face he had his owl for him.
"Dobby's back!" Sirius cheered far too loudly, startling Harry enough he gave a small attempt at a smile for the distraction.
"With Hedwig, oddly enough," Remus agreed fondly as he pictured how this could have come about, though now Harry was all but relieved he finally could have his pet safe again.
Harry was practically wiggling with happiness at this development, not only because he was getting his owl back good as new, but he had a funny feeling Dobby would be of much help this night.
Harry had to gaze at him through sleep thick eyes before focusing on a peculiar sight. The elf's features were quite disfigured until Harry realized his feet were not in fact enlarged but covered in every sock Hermione had knitted, along with all her hats perched on top of each other right up to Harry's height where Hedwig sat on top, hooting happily to see him again.
James blinked slowly as the image was painted, before declaring, "I have questions."
"Yeah, why was Dobby the one to return Hedwig?" Remus frowned.
"No," James rolled his eyes at his friends one track mind, "what was that bit about Dobby wearing all the hats?"
Remus reread that bit while Sirius started giggling at the idea. He'd been imagining an overflowing bin full of lost and found items, but this was even better if Dobby had decided to keep them all for himself, and he now wondered if the little elf made a regular habit of this.
Dobby had volunteered to bring Harry Potter back his owl for him, while Hedwig happily hopped perches to Harry's shoulder. He began stroking her contently as he kept eyeing Dobby, asking if he'd taken every one of Hermione's items?
Dobby said no, he'd been sharing with Winky.
Lily grinned happily at the idea, Dobby had always been shown to care for others and it was such a sweet thing to see this continued even while not having a master, it truly did just seem to be his nature.
Harry asked how she was coping, and Dobby's ears drooped as he explained no better than he'd last seen, she still rejected the garments he offered and drank in shame. The other house-elves of the school found Gryffindor Tower just as insulting a place now with all the hidden clothing.
"Oh dear," Lily frowned in concern, she'd never thought of that.
"I can see it though," James shrugged. "I guess if it did continue to happen and they realized what someone was trying to pull, yeah I can see this."
"Poor Dobby though." Remus had never heard such sympathy for the kindness in Sirius' voice as he said that. "Imagine how much work goes into one common room alone."
Remus just hoped Harry told this to Hermione, hopefully making her realize she was in fact doing the opposite of what she'd set out to do and only making one elf work harder.
"Technically her idea was working though," James couldn't help a teasing grin on his face. "Gryffindor tower wasn't being cleaned by a slave, Dobby was being paid."
"Har, har," Lily said dryly.
Dobby cleaned the whole place by himself now, which he was happy to do of course, for now he got to see Harry Potter on this night! He then mentioned Harry Potter had been muttering in his sleep, and Dobby asked if he'd been having bad dreams?
Harry rubbed at his eyes as he muttered he'd had worse.
"There's the bright side," Lily tried for a grin that didn't quite meet her eyes, as her son at once began rubbing in agitation at his scar for the reminder.
The elf surveyed Harry out of his vast, orb-like eyes. Then he said very seriously,
"I'd take Dobby over Kreacher any day, was that an offer?" Sirius said with hope, and was ignored.
if Dobby could be of any help to Harry Potter with anything?
Harry smiled and thanked him even as he declined the offer, while bending down to pick up his dropped book, deciding he'd have to finish his Potions essay tomorrow.
"I continue to realize just how sleep deprived you were," James went back to laughing at that. "You fell asleep practicing Charms and at some point accidentally switched to an even worse assignment."
As Harry closed the book the back of his right hand was illuminated in the fire light, the results of his detentions with Umbridge still leaving the scars visible.
Remus managed to read that as if actually throwing burning knives that landed on no one in here. Sometimes Harry managed to forget how scary the lot of them could be until something like this came up.
Then Harry turned slowly back to Dobby as he said maybe the elf could know something helpful.
"What's this you're on?" Sirius asked eagerly at the happy smile curling across Harry's face. If anything could erase that lurking feeling from before it was focusing on his group, and he had a good feeling of where this was going that had more to do with Dobby.
Did he know a place where twenty-eight people could practice Defense without anyone, especially Umbridge, knowing?
"That's, brilliant!" Remus gaped in shock before turning wide eyed to Harry. "The elves know more about that castle than anyone, if there is such a place than they'd know."
"I wouldn't think they do though," James was pouting a bit, mostly because this idea had not crossed his mind, and he'd be even more sour if the elves really knew something about that school he didn't.
Harry expected Dobby to say he'd look but not to get his hopes up, but instead the elf gave a happy little clap and a squeal of excitement.
"This elf is ruining my childhood," Sirius declared, though there was nothing but a smile on him for seeing Dobby clearly thought he did have an answer, "knowing something about that castle we don't."
"I don't understand how really," Remus was thinking about this reaction and still thinking of their map in his head and still no area was coming to mind.
Harry wasn't going to let them wallow long, he was waving Remus very eagerly on for the answer to this already, he just knew the Marauders were going to love it.
Dobby at once began telling of a place only the schools house-elves knew of, known as the Room of Requirement.
"That's it!" Harry pumped his fist, looking so giddy he may have rediscovered another Quidditch Cup win. "The Room of Requirement, I know that!"
"But we've never heard of that," James wouldn't let that one go. "Not from anything in the school, the ghosts or paintings..." then he trailed off with a further pout as he suddenly realized who they never had tried to get information from in that school. Stupid really now that he realized his mistake, but none of the Marauders had ever bothered to learn a single house-elf name in their time in school, but what if they had? What if this was purely a house-elf knowledge secret.
Sirius wouldn't let him pout long, now practically screaming in Remus' ear, "well get on with it man! Can you believe this, Harry's now found two things in that school we never have, and I want to get to hearing about it!"
"Hopefully this one does not contain a killer snake," Lily muttered even as she kept watching curiously to find out more as well.
Harry asked why it was called that.
Dobby said seriously, because it was a room a person could only enter
Sirius opened his mouth again but stopped surprisingly quickly at just a warning look from Remus, he wanted to hear this too much.
if they had real need of it. Dobby used it to put Winky to sleep when she drank too much, and the room provided a nice elf sized bed for her. Filch had been known to randomly come across it and find extra cleaning materials-
Harry finished for him if it could possibly fill up with chamber pots, a conversation from his day at the Yule Ball coming back to him.
"Oh my wand!" Sirius yelped in further excitement. "This is magnificent, even Dumbledore doesn't actually know about it, but it was mentioned ages ago! This is brilliant."
"He could have been lying," Remus said with a bemused smile as he remembered the snorted in goulash. "Just didn't pass along to Karkaroff the full story."
"Nah, this must be something people stumble across," James said as he was now thinking back to every passage in the school and trying to think if they could have actually stumbled across it without realizing at one point, and hoped Dobby would tell details of where this place was soon.
Harry eagerly asked how many people knew about this place, and Dobby said it was very much a secret, hardly anyone who found it realized how to get back again. Harry asked if he could be shown where it was right now, and though Dobby agreed at once, Harry wavered on his own decision as a Hermione like voice reminded him of the late hour.
"And?" Sirius' eyes were about to fall out of his head with wonder at this new treat being hovered above him. "Priorities man, this is far more important than getting your beauty sleep, which is a lost cause on you anyways."
"Thank you Padfoot, my son always wanted to hear you making cracks at him like that," James snorted.
At first, Sirius just smirked, but then it quickly faltered as it clicked in his head, was that what Hermione and Molly were hearing from him at Grimmauld place? Him wanting to make old cracks about James but now about Harry? Sirius had been perfectly clear headed in aiming that jab at his pup, he couldn't resist with their similarities and though he could only imagine how painful it must be for him to be without Prongs in the future, was this really the reason for their worries? If so, then they seemed almost as laughable as James had tried to tell him they were...
With regret Harry did not have Dobby show him, but rather decided he wanted a plan before going.
"Planning to get through the halls?" Remus demanded of Harry faintly. "Honestly, you've traveled through plenty of times, now you're just getting paranoid and letting Hermione rub off on you."
Lily rubbed at her temple and wished her son had one good male influence who didn't constantly egg him into breaking school rules, but then she realized she'd hardly spoken up herself against the idea and quickly stopped with a faint smile.
Instead he asked for exact details on where and how to get into this place.
Classes the next day were miserable, hardly anyone could hear Professor Sprout in the greenhouse with the bullet like rain drowning out her words, and Care of Magical Creatures had been canceled altogether. Even Angelina conceded there'd be no practice tonight.
Harry told her good,
"I've never heard such a blasphemous sentence in my life," James said flatly, while Harry stuck his tongue out at him.
because he'd found a place for their first meeting. Tonight at eight, go to the seventh floor opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy being clubbed by trolls.
Bad mood instantly gone, James snapped his fingers in glee and shouted, "we do know that place!"
"Oh yeah," Sirius nodded to himself, "that was a secret entrance out of the castle for us though. We only used it once, because it was so bloody hard to pin down how to figure out it's switch."
"We stumbled across it one day while um, while we were trying to discuss some easier methods of sneaking out into the Shrieking Shack," Remus offered. He paled, hesitated, but saw no point in not recounting this for Harry no matter how badly it hurt his soul, the problem was he couldn't think how to say his name without biting his tongue off, and he just hoped Harry understood the implications. "Someone tripped over a stray brick suddenly peaking out of the wall, and we pulled it and it opened into a low earth tunnel that let out right on the perfect edge of the Forest, just far enough away from the Willow we could slip in without being seen while not being so close the tree would come right up and get us."
"We only used it that one time though," James sighed, "as Sirius said, we couldn't figure out how to activate it or what we'd done to get it to work. Never even added it to the map as it was of no help if we couldn't use it."
"So this tunnel you wanted out of the castle popped into existence because you had need of it," Lily worked out.
"Apparently it'll create anything you have need of," Harry agreed, that smile yet to have fallen off his face.
"But how does it work though!" Sirius demanded, bouncing slightly in anticipation. "Clearly it must be easier than we ever realized, we tried all manner of things to break that door back open, even paid a ghost to go through the wall for us and there was nothing on the other side! How does Dobby manage to get it open on a regular basis for Winky?"
Harry merely pursed his lips though, a smile still pushing through as he refused to answer, saying, "don't want to jinx this and my head to start hurting if I tell too soon."
"Now you're just being cruel," James groaned, knowing full well Harry was messing with the lot of them with that excuse, but no one argued the point, much.
Remus turned back to the pages very eagerly, feeling sixteen again and trying to tackle on the Marauders latest project.
Angelina agreed she'd tell Katie and Alicia, while Hermione was frowning at him again.
She asked if he really trusted Dobby to help with this? Last time he had, all the bones in his arm had left for a day.
"Technically a fool did that, Dobby was trying to take your head off," James reminded with almost amusement this time, the instance got funnier the more he grew to like Dobby, and what the little elf had just done for his life certainly helped with that. He wasn't even that put out anymore he hadn't discovered this on his own, all he'd ever wanted for his son at school was to discover his own adventures and this was certainly the best one yet in his opinion.
Harry lightly fibbed Dumbledore had once mentioned it to him in passing as well, and Hermione then raised no more objections.
Sirius couldn't help his expression souring for a moment over her. He truly disliked her moments where she decided just because someone like Dumbledore said it was okay made everything peaches with the girl. If it wasn't for making friends with Harry, Sirius was now confident from that statement alone Hermione would be in line with the Ministry if it wasn't for that troll so many years ago.
The rest of the day was spent making sure all members had gotten the message, and though Harry was disappointed to learn Ginny had found Cho first,
Harry suddenly hoped topic of this new room never ended, as it was the first time the Marauders hardly gave his crush a passing thought they were too eager to hear of this new place.
by dinner Harry had a full count everyone knew where to go. At half past seven the trio left for the place early, Harry clutching an aged parchment, and looking around nervously about being caught on their way.
"You lot honestly disappoint me with how shifty you can get over the silliest things," Sirius muttered under his breath, still watching the pages with burning eyes.
As their portrait hole fell out of earshot, Harry rapped his bit of parchment and said 'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.'
While Sirius and James preened at the mention of their map again, Remus thought back in confusion and asked, "when did you get that back from Moody, err, the fake Moody?"
"Oh, I snuck up there and filched it from his office soon as I was let out of the hospital wing," Harry shrugged. "Didn't even occur to me till now that wasn't mentioned." He kept thinking on it as he added, "all of Moody's stuff had already been emptied out, I've no clue where, so I was really worried for a moment I wouldn't find it, but I went through his desk and there it was, practically the only thing left in the room." He finished with a vaguely happy feeling this wasn't an accident on someone's part.
The Marauders Map came into existence, revealing the location of everyone on the premises of the school. Filch and his cat were floors below, and Umbridge was in her office, giving them relief to go along to the corridor and follow Dobby's instructions. He'd told to walk past this bit of wall three times, concentrating on what was needed.
Lily burst out into full blown laughter at the look on her boys faces.
"That's it!" James spluttered in disappointment. "We got detention for three months trying to blow up that wall to get back behind that, and you just had to walk around asking it?"
"That's so, Ravenclaw," Remus crinkled his nose at the idea. "Oh just ask for help, someone'll come along."
"Actually, that's not a bad idea Moony," Sirius suddenly nodded to himself. "Remember how Lily said all the Founders supposedly did something for the school?"
"You were listening?" Lily raised a surprised brow while Sirius ignored her.
"What if this was Rowena Ravenclaw's idea, seems her type of thing."*
"I wouldn't bet against you," James nodded serenely at the idea.
"So Ravenclaw both found the location for the school, and put one of the most fascinating rooms in it," Lily grinned, which only stretched wider at all the confused faces. "If you lot had bothered to ever read Hogwarts a History, you'd have found the passage that mentions how Rowena Ravenclaw apparently found the location for the school from a dream where a warty hog led her there."
"Good to know the woman who created the house for the intelligent was so barmy," Sirius rolled his eyes. He'd never questioned how his school had got its name and been happier not knowing it came from such a silly place.
Remus impatiently tried to keep going for more information about this splendid bit of the castle they were going to be exploring for the first time.
Harry's thoughts were centered around the simple request of a place they could learn to fight. On his third pass, a brass handle appeared on the wall.
Every word was being taken in by all with the highest concentration, though for two different reasons. The four graduates were stoked for something new, another layer to the castle they'd never had the pleasure of discovering, but now Harry had! Harry was confident this room meant something great to him, something very significant for his life for far more reasons than just a secret meeting place.
Once pulled, a door swung open to reveal a large magnificent room, the walls were lined with wooden bookcases
"Wonder who was asking for those," Sirius couldn't help but snip under his breath.
the floor was plush and full of comfortable cushions, and on a shelf sat a range of Dark detectors Harry could identify as belonging to the fake Moody last year.
"How on Earth did that stuff end up in there?" Lily yipped in surprise.
They all sat there for several long moments as they struggled to figure out why, before Remus said slowly, "maybe, it was the house-elves? If they were told to clean out Moody's office, and the real Moody didn't want his things back, perhaps the elves put his things into the Room of Requirement as a sort of storage? Dobby did say the elves used it for different reasons instead of just hiding away the drunk ones."
"I can see where you're going with that," James nodded, Harry honestly hoping he'd keep going, the idea appealing to him there was just a whole room full of junk things hidden away over the years...
Ron prodded a cushion with his foot happily as he said how much good these were going to be when practicing stunning spells.
"You mean he doesn't miss falling to the hard ground while Hermione told him to aim?" Lily giggled.
Hermione ran to the nearest book shelf and began running her thumb over the numerous titles with glee.
"Oh yes, a magical room appears to you, and you ask for a second library! Brilliant," James mocked.
She looked back around at Harry, who saw for the first time she really believed in this room, in this idea.
"Was that all it took!" Remus clapped himself on the forehead.
She at once pulled a book from a shelf and sank into the nearest cushion to begin reading it.
"Well she'll be out of your hair for a good, what do you say Prongs, two weeks to read the lot?" Sirius stated.
"He said a hundred," James thought in his mind, "I want to say at least a month."
"You're forgetting this place can now conjure up whatever book Hermione pleases," Remus reminded, "I'm thinking we could lock Hermione in there and she wouldn't notice for far longer than one school year."
All three cracked up laughing while Harry and Lily exchanged amused smiles at imagining Hermione scowling at the lot.
Before long there was a knock on the door as the Gryffindor group arrived, and Harry waited until everyone arrived before going to the door and turning a key in the lock, the sound resonating through the room. Hermione marked her place and set it aside to look around.
"I think I won right there, Hermione clearly can be distracted," Sirius snickered.
Harry began nervously that they'd found the place.
"You're off to a great start with this teaching thing with such eloquent words," James chuckled.
Cho said how fantastic this was, while Fred was looking around in mild confusion, saying he and George had hidden in this place once, but it had been a one way broom cupboard.
"How on earth did the twins manage to run past this place three times while hiding from Filch?" Remus paused in confusion.
"Maybe it doesn't have to be three consecutive walk pasts, but they were leading him in a circle," James offered, thinking of a hidden nearby secret passage they could have been jumping from into another on the way to this place.
"Then what about Dumbledore, or Filch?" Remus persisted this new idea. "They know the castle well enough they'd have no reason to walk past the same place three times accidentally while going to something."**
"It's not like anyone in here can answer all that Moony," Sirius sighed with disappointment. "Boy do I wish we had Dobby here now, I'd interrogate the little bugger all day about that and more."
Dean jumped in to ask Harry what all those instruments were?
"Makes me wonder what Seamus thinks is going on," Remus questioned. "The two are such good friends, how's Dean sneaking off for so long without his friend questioning where?"
"Secret girlfriend?" Sirius offered with a shrug.
Harry briefly explained they were dark detectors, good for keeping an eye on your enemies, but turned dismissively away saying all your trust shouldn't be put in them. Then he paused in confusion as he saw a raised hand.
"Naww," Lily cooed before giggling just a touch at Harry's blush.
He asked what Hermione needed, and she said they should elect a leader.
"Naw gone," Sirius rolled his eyes, "is Hermione playing at a power trip?"
"Give her a chance," Remus waved him off, as he couldn't imagine Hermione setting Harry up like this only to pull something like that.
Cho snapped at once Harry was leader.
"You've certainly got a girl there who's not shy," James grinned which Harry happily denied acknowledging as his face went more red.
Hermione continued, unperturbed, that they should still vote him as such, it would give him authority and make it official. Saying everyone who thought Harry should be leader should raise their hand.
"Ah," Sirius acknowledged. "Yes, alright fine, that one made sense."
The whole group did such, even Zacharias.
Harry thanked her and tried to move on, but stumbled to a stop again as Hermione waved her hand eagerly through the air until she was called on to also say they should vote on a name, to promote team spirit.
"Team spirit?" James snorted. "We don't name the different Quidditch teams further than our houses."
"You lot gave yourselves a name," Lily rolled her eyes at him.
"That's different," Sirius said, looking wounded she'd compare such a thing, but his face blanched as did all the Marauders as that was too difficult to talk about considering what one particular member had done to them.
Harry did not force them to linger on the subject no matter how much he'd have liked to poke fun at them in that moment thinking they were so special.
Angelina said the Anti-Umbridge League.
"Bit on the nose," Remus grinned.
While Fred said the Ministry of Magic are Morons Group.
"Though that one had merits for life," James chuckled.
Hermione frowned at the suggestions, saying it should be something more covert they could say outside this room.
"Well that second one's still a winner then," Sirius smirked.
Cho offered the D. A., the Defense Association.
Ginny liked the initials, but said it should instead stand for Dumbledore's Army, as that was what the Ministry feared most.
"Well would you look at these two working together," Sirius' eyes gleamed in a whole other kind of laughter as he turned attention on Harry. "Best be careful pup, or Ginny and Colin's fan club may gain another member."
Harry struggled hard to hold a scowl on him even while he was far too happy in this moment. He'd rediscovered the name of a very special group to him, that alone caused him to smile without restraint, but there was something genuinely amusing about Ginny and Cho going back and forth like that he couldn't quite place a finger on.
There was a large amount of appreciative laughter for the idea, while Hermione took another vote and majority ruled, the motion was passed.
"Who decided this was a democracy?" James couldn't help but chuckle. "Harry could have wanted a benevolent dictatorship."
"I'm thinking Hermione would start a revolt against that, best let her pretend she's calling the shots while I'm the head piece," Harry said good naturedly.
Hermione even wrote the name down on the slip of parchment with all their names and pinned it to the wall. Harry finally began addressing them on what they'd be doing here, getting to practice. He wanted to start with the spell Expelliarmus. While basic, he'd found it useful-
Zacharias cut in what the point of such a spell would be against You-Know-Who?
"Open foot, insert mouth," Lily said darkly for this arse bringing up memories of her son having to survive that moment again.
Harry said coldly it had saved his life that night, but if it was beneath him he could leave.
The room went deathly silent, though Zacharias did not move. Harry went back to addressing them all with a bit more dry mouth as he said they should divide into pairs to practice.
It was odd for him to be giving instructions, but even more odd for him to watch them being taken.
"Good of you to start with something simple, in instructions and spell work," Remus praised the idea. "Work your way up to that benevolent dictatorship slowly," he finished with amusement.
Neville was left odd man out, so Harry opted to practice with him as he counted to three and everyone shot off the spell, to varying results. Harry pegged Neville first, who's wand shot across the room and he went to go fetch it. Harry then turned to watch the others, and was happy he'd started with something so basic, as a lot of shoddy work was going on.
Harry's own wand went flying then, as Neville had returned and shot the spell at Harry.
"Proving once and for all Neville's as skilled at magic as anyone," Lily said grimly, her thoughts still on how Snape treated him for his rather faulty work in potions. A little encouragement and he was already managing to strike Harry with the spell, he'd build up the speed necessary for a proper fight.
Neville shouted with joy what he'd done. Harry agreed it had been a good shot, deciding to keep to himself in a real duel the other person would not be gazing across the room, wand held loosely in hand.
"That's probably for the best," Remus agreed mildly, "encouragement first, constructive criticism when it's needed later."
Harry then told him to start rotating with Ron and Hermione while he went and gave the others some advice. He went over to Zacharias first, where something odd was happening. Every time he raised his wand to fire the spell, his own wand shot away though he didn't appear to be doing anything. Harry quickly spotted the source, Fred and George taking turns to practice the spell on the Hufflepuff.
"Technically, they weren't not following your choice of words," James began defending at once as if his son would start scolding the twins.
"Yeah, they're pairing off and practicing, just, you know, not on their partner," Sirius beamed with pride while Harry didn't bother hiding his laughter at any of this.
The twins quickly stopped their actions when they were caught though, and Harry went along to Ginny and Michael Corner, the later of whom either would not, or could not seem to bring himself to jinx her.
"One rather sad of such a simple spell, the other very sad of his mind set," James scoffed.
"You've never tried to jinx me," Lily reminded.
"I would if we'd ever been paired to practice together," James shrugged without remorse. "I know better than to try and go easy on you, you'd send something far worse than a disarming charm at me."
Lily smiled pleasantly without bothering to deny such a thing.
Ernie was using too much flamboyant wand movement and his partner was getting in under his guard more often than not, the Creevey brothers had terrible aim but good enough power and tended to send objects flying rather than wands as they missed. Luna's work tended to be patchy, occasionally cursing Justin's wand away, or else making his hair stand on end but nothing else happening.
Remus was reading all of this with pure fascination. One of the many reasons he loved teaching was to watch and learn all of the very different ways children could learn, and here was a wide variety of a group of students. He found himself making little notes in his own mind how he'd offer help with the mentioned problems, and then quickly tore that to shreds, refusing to acknowledge he was still entertaining the idea of going back to Hogwarts for this reason.
Harry tried to call for them to stop, but all the shouting mingled with his left him unheard. He wished he'd brought along a whistle, and then spotted one on the nearest shelf.
"This is the best room in existence!" James squealed. "Do you think it even has limitations? How many dungbombs could fill that room?"
Lily frowned at her husband, in times like these genuinely wondering if he'd suffered brain damage in his life for having such a one track mind.
He gave it a whistle and everyone desisted, Harry offering a few critiques before they all tried again. Harry watched as the general performance improved, walking around all pairs twice before deciding he couldn't avoid her anymore and heading towards Cho and her friend.
The moment she saw him coming over, she began garbling the spell, calling out Expelliarmious, no Exepllimellius!
"I think she should wait a few sessions before trying to improve upon or make up her own spell, best stick with it until you've got the basics of the spell down," Sirius pretended to patiently critic until he turned to Harry and finished flamboyantly, "then she and Harry can-"
Harry clapped his hand over his mouth while looking him right in the eyes, and Sirius responded by licking the digits, causing Harry to recoil in revulsion. While Sirius' nose was scrunched up with distaste as he stuck his tongue out and tried to look at it, Remus quickly kept going.
She apologized to Marietta for catching her sleeve on fire, while the girl put it out and glared at Harry as if he'd done it.
"Well technically you did," James was all for continuing while Sirius was temporarily distracted, "how dare Harry come in the vicinity and distract her with his mere presence."
"I will pay you to stop," Harry groaned.
"You can't pay me with my own money," James' smirk widened while Harry groaned louder.
Cho told Harry he'd made her nervous. Harry tried to tell her she'd been doing well, but at her look, he admitted she'd been doing it fine before he came over here.
"Least Harry keeps things straight," Remus chuckled.
Cho laughed while her friend's expression grew more sour. Cho told Harry to ignore her, she was just mad Cho was forcing her to come along. Marietta's mother had expressly forbidden her from doing anything to get on Umbridge's bad side as her mum worked for the Ministry.
Harry asked about Cho's own parents, and she agreed she'd been given the same advice, but she wasn't just going to sit around and not fight after what You-Know-Who had done to Cedric.
Causing both boys humor to dissipate at once from mocking Harry.
She stopped there and the two stood awkwardly for a moment before Harry was distracted by Terry Boot's wand flying past Harry's ear and hitting Alicia in the nose.
"Does someone have it out for the Gryffindor Chasers?" James demanded, slightly amused those two girls seemed to keep getting random injuries.
Luna walked over though, clearly having been eavesdropping and continuing the conversation about how her father would be encouraging the idea if he could after the number of things Fudge had done to goblins. Of course he also used the Department of Mysteries to poison those who disagreed with him,
"Honestly, I'd believe that one by now, Harry really should be watching what he's eating," James grumbled.
and used Umgubular Slashkilter-
Harry muttered at Cho not to ask while she opened her mouth, causing her to giggle.
"But I want to," Sirius pouted, long since knowing he'd have a hoot of fun with Luna if given the chance.
Hermione called for him then, asking for the time, and Harry was stunned himself to see an hour had already gone by. Harry called for silence again, telling them they'd all done very well for their first time and same time same place next week.
Dean wanted this to happen sooner, but Angelina cut in they had Quidditch practice to consider.
"I swear I keep expecting that girl to move down and live on the pitch," Lily rolled her eyes while James nodded for Angelina keeping that upfront.
Harry repeated next Wednesday, and they could add on more at that time if they could. The group dispersed into two's and three's again, Harry watching them all from his map to make sure everyone got back to their common rooms before curfew before the three left themselves for the Fat Lady.
Lily's face puckered with disappointment. It hadn't occurred to her till now, but had none of them really found a single Slytherin they could trust to bring into this? She'd spotted a dozen opportunities now, but none so wasted as this one to prove once and for all there was nothing wrong with the whole house, and if even one student had branched out and just tried to offer some help and support from that house it would have meant so much to her.
Ron and Hermione were already bickering over the night's events of who'd gotten whom more, Hermione saying he'd only officially managed one and she'd gotten him loads more.
"Was this argument really needed?" Remus frowned. "They were supposed to be getting each other, Hermione should be happy he pulled it off on his first day trying."
"I'm thinking Hermione's competitive side is smarting if Ron got her before she did," Sirius chuckled.
Ron said it was at least three, while Hermione snipped back if he was counting the time he'd stumbled forward and knocked the wand out of her hand-
"How did he even?" James full blown laughed at the imagery.
"I don't know what she's talking about, that still sounds like a point for Ron," Sirius agreed with chipper.
They argued about it the rest of the night, though Harry didn't hear a word, he was too distracted remembering he'd made Cho nervous.
"Time for dinner I think!" Harry said at once, looking pleadingly to his mother to back him up on this, who graciously agreed and pulled Harry into the kitchen with her to avoid the now very rowdy boys who were still chatting happily about all the ideas this room had given them.
HPHPHPHPHP
*I actually have headcannons of what the other two founders did for the school, but I'm saving those for later, for now I'd love to hear your own ideas.
**I'd love to hear some ideas on this one, because I find it really hard to believe so many people who should know the castle well enough not to get caught accidentally walking past the same spot three times get into this place.
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psychedelictrashpanda · 3 years ago
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It’s been awhile, weird old blog with unspecified direction. How about more of me me me?
I finally did DMT again, and WOW. It’s been at least a full decade since the last time. I still didn’t quite “break through” enough to “meet the entities” again but mein GOTT was it healing. Speaking of God, we’ll get to that soon... But before smoking the dimitri, I was beginning to sustain a mania in slow motion with dissociatives again. Not to any extreme like I did with PCP long ago (btw, glancing at my Eyehategod poster, I realize that horror/metal fest when I was blasted on PCP the entire time was all the way back in 2013! It seems to much more recent, but the way these drugs interact with memory is very peculiar. or maybe it was the traumatizing effect of it and other things at the time that makes me block out and thus distort the time signature of the memory... I digress). And I don’t have the destructive tendencies I did in the past anyway, so I’ve never been apt to push it as far as I was when I was shooting up 3-meo-pcp and blacking out for days at a time. I mean, I did push it I suppose. For the main George Floyd protests I was loading up on a combination of things. Can’t even remember if that was my sober window between methadone detox and the suboxone I’m on now. But, I was combining bits of weird PCP offshoots with opiate offshoots (4-map iirc) and/or kratom with maybe a drop of benzo... straddling the line between going overboard and a “party dose” for lack of a better descriptor; between recreation and desperation. In retrospect, I was summoning the courage to act like my old self used to in these sorts of situations. That is, giving it my all, being novel about it, idk, summoning the spirit of Dr Gonzo I suppose (who, after reading his two books, was more slimey of a jerk than he’s presented in Hunter’s stories. well, I need to finish the Cockroach People book, he started getting into his attraction to underage girls as a young 20-something man himself and ugh, gross). My true wild & adventurous spirit has been hampered, weighed down with anxiety and depression and all manner of undiagnosed mental illness. Who knows if it’s more the drugs or the environmental factors that trigger drug use, but the spirit is tortured like Griffith in the torture dungeon, the heart is wrapped in a black grime guarded by the Beast of Darkness, the will is subordinated to authoritarian capitalist hegemony...
Where was I? Oh so I started suboxone for the second time in my life innnn... February I want to say. Last time I did it I was able to detox myself simply buying subs off the street, but I did it too quick. That’s been one problem, every time I detox rapidly it’s too harsh a push back into reality and I succumb to relapse less then a year into sobriety. The reason reality is harsh is the same reason my stance on anti depressants has been further cemented. I’ve articulated it better lately... Basically I believe it’s a weird solution to depression to force your chemical makeup into the right position to function properly in the same environment that caused it in the first place. “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” One of my conversations with a young college friend really illuminated why many don’t even consider this position. She was insistent there’s no cause of depression, you’re just born with a fucked up mind. Now sure, hereditary disposition is a thing, as a drug addicted child of an addict I should know. But for example she pointed to another friend with hard depression and was like “his life seems fine what explanation could there be?” But I put forth maybe his childhood of having to closet his homosexuality in a hard conservative family that had the possibility of disowning him if they knew about it contributed to that “natural chemical imbalance,” as it’s implied. YES, some people NEED it. But for the most part, it really seems to me to be what I’m gonna call the thyroid phenomenon. That is to say, a medical explanation for a small fraction of severely affected patients is used as a broad brush by the public to diagnose themselves. Forewarning: I am not fat shaming here, forgive the example. Dietary practices are a personal thing so my feelings are stronger as well. Anyway, it seems to me as soon as this thyroid malfunction became a hard biological explanation for obesity beyond the psychological, suddenly everyone was a candidate. It’s fine to think “maybe I have it” but when a growing and significant portion of the obese crowd started screaming they all had thyroid problems and can’t help themselves, when a teensy percentage actually do... well it sort of touches on the “addiction as a disease” narrative that’s never sat well with me. Addicts use the disease reasoning to skirt personal responsibility. I'm not denying it is a disease, but I believe calling it as such in the public discourse isn’t terribly constructive. (Okay, you’re seeing an opinion change in real time here... I changed my mind.) I was vehemently against the narrative, but I need to readjust to simply make people WARY of the narrative. As an addict, I could easily see myself using the excuse of it being a disease as a fatalist function; that is to say giving in, relinquishing personal control over my fate. Hereditary disposition, Rat Park, addiction as a disease... there’s also a severe lack of control it all conjures. Paradoxically, drugs can used to meticulously control your state of mind. I can’t control my desire to control myself?
God where was I going with this... Oh! God! May as well mention I’ve been warming up more and more to the spirit of monotheism beyond it’s structural and institutional dimensions. I could get deep into my recent past of not believing in the idea of a spirit, soul, etc. How the pendulum of my ideology swings between cold rationalism and loose spirituality, especially as I go through phases of rebellion against perceived oppressors. Growing up in a red state with a lot of Christian ideals, society around me was always telling me everything I seemed to like was the work of Satan. Naturally, I started reading into Satanism. I never self identified with occult-esque belief structures, except maybe chaos magick because it’s whole idea is to merge whatever practices work into something of your own, but I did staunchly identify as anti christian. Not a hard thing to do when you’re already a metal head, which definitely fueled the trajectory. Not to mention metal helped goad me into DXM use (thanks Velvet Cacoon ya bunch of goons), the first real psychedelic journeys I had. Because I never gave real consideration to myself having depression, I moulded my personal ideology around the symptoms it causes. Which is why for awhile after coming to terms with depression as a problem I probably have, I was only able to identify it in retrospect. I never felt it in real time because it was so old-coat to me, I adapted to it like an addict adapts to their drug of choice and ti becomes their world. So I would decide to skip social events, let my room get messy, watch only old comfort shows, etc... but only AFTER emerging from that state was I able to immediately look back and think “wait... I was doing all those things because I was depressed.” In the moment, it’s rationalized as “I don’t want to see these people for these reasons” or “I want to watch spongebob because it’s fun and an old favorite.” Rationalization, the concept of the west, serves as a detriment to the individual in a number of manners. This is one. I was a MASTER at rationalizing away my drug use. Statistically, more people die from this this and that, why be worried that I’m on this drug instead? Statistics quelled the perceived danger. It was also a formative tool in my skills of justification. I always felt I had to justify every action I took, but that’s getting back into family matters...
But why not bring that up? it’s a sore spot. I feel like the tables have flipped from my dad always saying “you all just think I’m an asshole!” to me thinking I’m the asshole. It’s too much to get into but I’ll touch on a couple important things... I’ve learned a major source of my anxiety is not being able to draw the boundaries between business and family and myself, because they’re not properly defined. When I’m told by my bossfather after explaining the distress I feel simply thinking about the family company, and he goes typically all-or-nothing when I touch on crucial issue and says “if you want out just tell me you want out”, I can’t separate between whether he’s saying it as a father or as a boss in the moment. He would say, “of course I just mean the company”, but where does company end and family begin? It’s also an intense pressure, maybe shame, simply typing this and thinking in the back of my head about someone who might read and think “what a spoiled brat, has a family company and blah blah.” But who put all that in my head? He says he’s changed from the days of putting immense pressure on me with the sort of sentiments that cause that shit in my head like always telling me how great I have it and all the opportunities, shit, I’m feeling it right now, the frustration and I can’t even identify these emotions. At least I am aware of them, that’s a huge milestone for me. But the only thing that’s changed is he sees me as a the broken mother fucker I am and treats me as such. Sometimes it’s nice, and sincere sympathy, other times his frustration with having to check his language all the time is palpable so it does no good to do so. The immense pressure, the intense urgency, the confusing complexity, all those market pressures haven’t changed. This is evident when we were driving somewhere and I suggested not worrying about the fastest route on the map because one minute isn’t a big deal and he insisted that one minute IS a big deal. Sweating one fucking minute indicates a mountain of reputational pressure. In a way, that one minute is putting business ahead of family, but I feel harsh saying it because as he’s pounded into my head the business is what allows the family to survive. Not to mention why put the crack head of the family above that one minute (not literal crack, but it was obvious as soon as he saw I was “fucking around” on ketamine he decided to not take me as seriously) Still, I’ve made my decision that survival reasoning is fucking bullshit already. He’s the one that wants a mansion and wants enough mailbox money for us not to have to worry ever again, so he’s the one deliberately creating the pressure. Maybe he hasn’t considered how hardened he’s become to those feelings after a lifetime in the street and in prison. I really feel for mom. She’s okay now, but her spirit... It’s part of the reason I can’t relax myself at home. He has always painted her as dead weight in the past, never getting a job, sitting watching TV, but he’s unable to connect the dots psychologically because we’re all layman that part of the reason she’s like that is because her actions have been demonized already so who the fuck she got to prove herself to? Same reason I fell into relapse sometimes. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t sort of deal. The damned if I don’t being the reputation of yourself you have to live with after getting sober. He says “don’t worry about it” but I couldn’t accept that because the reason he doesn’t trust me (never mind respect, that’s even further away) is informed by my past. I can’t complain that he never allowed me to contribute to a crucial decision like choosing the building for the dispensary, talking about whether we want a certain investor or not, etc, is because that’s not something to entrust to a druggie. I’ve always felt he let me play make-believe CEO and gave me an allowance for it, while telling me otherwise. He’d say “this is all for you” but he’s making the decisions that truly move mountains and then putting it on us. Which is why I have a hard time saying “I want out”, he can be a baby about things just as much as I am, and I fear he’d let his entrepreneurial drive be affected by my departure. Sigh, this is already getting to be a headache to think about... He’s tired. I’m tired.
There was also something I wanted to say regarding the role social constructs play in all this, but it’s getting long enough already. Suffice to say I’ve been getting into psychoanalysis lately and it’s scratching the right itch for knowledge and wisdom. I can see why Zizek is enamored with Lacan, and why it’s so important to mix it with Marxism. And not to toot my own horn, but what the hell... There are a lot of lofty ideas I’ve been coming across that are already parallel to ideas I’ve developed through my own life experience, and it makes me think I’m meant for this sort of stuff. If I’m lucky in my pursuits (not to put too much weight on the luck aspect), I’ll be a journalist of some sort. Articles, video essays, whatever. Need to rein in my indecisiveness and dispel FOMO tho.
Back to DMT. But not really. Earlier in the summer I got some straight Ketamine and it was also immensely healing. But it has a great abuse potential, especially for me, so it’s harder to “hang up the phone” after I get the message as TmK would say. It made me feel again, and start to understand what love is. Partly because it conjured all these lost feels I had for Kat. She’s great people though, I think I’d just stress her out too much. Idk. Whatever. My love life is a total mess. Anyway after I ran out I wanted more of course and stumbled on some DCK, a somewhat rare ketamine offshoot. Coupled with my increasing propensity to trip acid more than once a week, they started building on each other. I was happier and happier at home, but at work/fam was getting more and more distressed about my place in that whole show. In his show. Simply thinking about the company, especially after having read that article about procrastination and how much it resonated with me, caused me unnecessary levels of distress. Normally as quickly as I can feel that, my mind will tuck it away and bottle it up somewhere so I can go about my day. The problem with drugs is they cause you to act instead. So he was doing the usual “it’s so easy! you’ll have it made!” and I interrupted with this torrent of shit I’ve been holding back forever, and he would not yield on his “you didn’t let me finish...” Incidentally, has he really never picked up on every time I interrupt I already know what he’s talking about? I said as much, something like “it’s not the labor” and he keeps saying “no you’re not listening” as though a frivolous detail changed the main thrust of the fact he’s always trying to make it easier for me. I wish he could simply let me go off and have the strength to take it a little less seriously, but considering how often I take things personally I shouldn’t be surprised he does to. On top of this, his brother/my uncle was in the hospital for some serious shit. But another reason I picked this time is because I only feel safe even confronting him when non-involved parties are around. He doesn’t care that I don’t feel safe confronting him though, he says “don’t worry about me” so maybe I shouldn’t. I feel like such an asshole about it, but that feeling is conjured by the ideological structure he helped to create. Where does my shame end with him being the causation and start with my personal ideology? How much can a person create their own ideology, truly? It’s about as small a window as free will, I imagine.
SO after feeling awful for going off after having all this stuff build up in my mind, I felt awful and went home to drug up some more. Again, not recklessly to the extent I used to be. But I did a fat line of DCK while on a couple hits of LSD and a smidgen of Zolpidem (a wholly underrated substance). Everything was getting to me all at once. A perfect storm of my problems. All the while another doubt caused by ideology from without (society and family both) was making me think it’s all the drugs. But the developments I’ve made are huge strides, I’ve matured so much from it all. And I realized every time I do this, those developments are wiped clean because the validity of them is rendered null due to both the general social stigma of drugs and my history with them. And maybe that’s a major trigger fo rmy relapse in the past. I’m not suppose to be on drugs, but I dabble, have incredible experiences and make strides of maturity, but because it’s drugs the exact opposite effect is percieved from the outside; the experiences are simple chemical euphoria, the strides of maturity are false delusions. It triggers a sharp roll back down hill. I wish someone respected me for who I am, I feel so alone sometimes.
Drugs as an umbrella term, drugs as a vice for the worst dregs of society. There are so many problems in our world regarding drugs. I could write a book. But how much I’ve written here touches on another pressure I feel. IS it simply him again? When he asks “you’re gonna be gone in a few days right?” is that what’s making me feel like this is a waste of time? I’ve got to get out of here. It’s so hard though. I simply have to be strong. The strength is in me to take the massive cut to pay and benefits when I move. Maybe I’ll get a portion of my strugglers card back and shit heads like Blasey Shomas can’t simply say “why don’t you take care of yourself instead of daddy taking are of you?” anymore. Part of me wants to say he says that because he’s driven by his own emotions and not smart enough to directly debate my claims, his insults should hold no weight. Another part of me is truly trying to be... I don’t know a proper term for it without sounding egotistical, but “enlightened”? This is why monotheism is sounding more interesting to me. Jesus’ position about those dregs of society. I’ve always tried to be a trusting person, understanding of people’s struggles, the ideologies they function under that make them lash out or otherwise act the way they do, etc. I even changed my wording there from “I’ve always been” to “I’ve always tried to be.” Not so much for my usual reasons of dodging a committing claim (which I’m working on -- instead of “I think ___” just say what I believe to give the claim more sense of authority so as to be taken more seriously), but trying to be more humble. And not to think lowly and use myself as a punching bag like I used to... ugh, whatever. This post is messy enough.
So that night after having done DCK every day for a couple weeks and tripping every other night on acid, I was at my wits end on what to do, where to go next, everything. The outside world is crumbling, the inside world is lost. I finally whipped out that DMT I’ve had for a long while, something inside told me it was time. Oh duh it was the wits end part, I had no other chemical recourse. I sat in my bed with a foil sculpture loosely resembling a pipe, repeated to myself “it’s okay, just let it happen to you, it will be okay.” A part of me even had a small fear based on those rare reports of those interdimensional beings mentally raping some people, but I don’t know what to make of those experiences, seem like flukes. I took my three deep hits and set the pipe aside as soon as the rusb began and laid back. It wasn’t enough to break through, so I need to get a proper pipe, but it was enough for a “being” (which I am convinced is a part of your mind, not from another dimension or otherwise external source) to appear before me. At least I think. Whatever it was slowly came closer, reassuring me that I’d be okay. The most profound part was an overwhelming sense of all these puzzle pieces suddenly falling perfectly into place where they should be. As though the answers to all my struggles obvious and within me the whole time. For example as soon as I came back I adjusted my posture, as that’s something that I’ve been wanting to work on, and because I was reminded of that just now I adjusted my posture in my seat while writing this. I felt an overwhelming sense of forgiveness toward myself, I think. Amazingly, the inebriation I felt before the trip was largely dissolved, as though the stuff I was on somehow all lost it’s potency. The distresses melted away. At least, the power behind them was nulled. I’m still facing the same problems, but there’s a zen(?) quality to my thinking when they come up in my mind. No longer will a pin drop trigger everything I’m feeling all at once. When I came-to completely, I started BAWLING. In being overwhelmingly consoled by the trip, I became inconsolable. Tears of joy. Tears of healing. And that was the main takeaway. The loudest words of the experience were “Now the healing can truly begin.” At the same time, now the real work also begins. 
Balance is key
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fanficimagery · 5 years ago
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After
Summary:  Imagine having your heart broken and none other than your best friend comes to the rescue. Old feelings emerge and you're stuck facing the fact that you were never really over Peter Parker.
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Words: 6.1K Warnings: Spoilers for the movie 'After' on Netflix. If you plan on watching that movie, do not read this. Trust me. The big twist in the movie is what I'm using here to kick start things off.
He lied.
He lied and they all knew.
Your mind keeps playing over the last half hour, uncaring that you've been walking in the pouring rain for just as long. Your heart is completely shattered and your stomach is in knots over how stupid you'd been. And since your thoughts are all over the place, you don't second guess yourself when you plop down on a random bench in the middle of a park. A sob escapes your mouth, then another and you angle your face towards the sky to let the rain wash away your tears.
You don't know how long you've been sitting in the rain, all cried out, but eventually you start to shiver. You're completely soaked through and you're pretty sure the phone in your pocket is no good. And given that your roommate was one of the several who'd betrayed you and you pushed away all your own friends when you were in love, there's not exactly anywhere you can go.
The only thing you can do is hope to find a hotel room just for the night, but even then you're not sure how much money is in your bank account. So with your only plan crumbling before it could fully form, you pull yourself to your feet and make up your mind to find some sort of shelter for the night.
You haven't even taken seven steps when a familiar voice freezes you in your place. "Y/N? Are you okay?"
Hesitantly turning around, you self consciously cross your arms over your chest right before you spot Spiderman who's clinging to the side of a light pole. "Hey, Pet- uh, Spiderman. H-How are you?" Your shivering makes you stammer and you clamp your teeth to keep them from chattering.
"I'm good," he answers, his head tilting in curiosity. "What are you doing out in the rain, Y/N?"
"Oh. You know, just enjoying the-"
"Y/N."
You sigh, your arms dropping. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Go back to your dorm. Your immune system sucks. Always has."
"I.. I can't."
"Why?"
"I don't-"
"-wanna talk about it," Peter sighs. "I figured." He drops from the pole, water splashing beneath his feet as he closes the distance between the two of you. You tense, but he stops just shy of touching you and you refuse to look up and meet his gaze. "Climb on. It'll be like old times," he finally says. "We'll stay at May's and then I'll swing you by your dorm in the morning."
"I don't want to burden May with-"
"Y/N," Peter muses quietly. His hand reaches up to touch just beneath your chin and he angles your face so you're staring at his own mask covered face. "May loves you. She's always loved you," he tells you. "Now climb on. I can get us there quicker than you can run."
As he holds his arms out at his sides you stare at him in disbelief. For a moment your heartache disappears and you bark out a quick laugh. Memories from high school come flooding back- memories of Peter telling you about his superpowers and then he swinging you around the city when you needed to get out of your mind.
Peter continues to hold still, and with a fond eye roll you hook you right arm around his neck and slide your left arm under his own left arm to grasp onto your own hand behind his back. Then with a quick jump, Peter catches the back of your thighs as you hook your legs around his waist. "Yep. This is totally going to end well," you deadpan.
He chuckles. "Name one time that I've dropped you or I stumbled while carrying you?"
"Don't jinx it, Spiderman." You tuck your face into the side of his neck and when you feel Peter finally lift off the ground you tighten your hold on him.
Swinging through the city while soaking wet is possibly the dumbest idea you've ever had and the second you softly curse about the cold, Peter apologizes.
Then when the swinging stops you lift up your head and shakily unwind yourself from Peter. You see you're standing in front of his old apartment building and stare up at him in confusion. "I can't exactly be sneaky with a passenger going through a window," he says. "Walk up to May's and meet me there."
"O-Okay."
Entering the apartment building, you hesitate at the elevator before deciding to use the stairs. You glance at the door and see Peter waving at you before he's off, and then you make your way up to May's apartment- an apartment you spent nearly half your life visiting up until about a year ago.
When you get to the door, you've barely raised your hand to knock as it's being yanked open. Aunt May is as beautiful as you remember, round glasses perched on the bridge of her nose and long brown hair hanging passed her shoulders.
With a towel hanging off her shoulder, aunt May tugs you into her home. "Oh Y/N." She frowns as she pulls the towel off her shoulder to wrap around your own shoulders, attempting to soak up the water by furiously rubbing your arms up and down. "I have no idea what's going on, but I can see something clearly happened."
You smile sadly. "Peter warn you?"
"Hmm? Not really. He just threw a towel at me and told me to open the door. He got called away- said he'll be back as soon as he can and that you're spending the night with us."
"Of course," you sadly huff. Aunt May leads you towards the kitchen and you take a seat at her table. Wrapping the towel tighter around yourself, your swollen eyes follow May as she bustles around the kitchen. "And thanks. For putting up with me. I practically dropped off the face of the Earth, but you and Peter just took me right back in."
"You're family, Y/N. Everyone has rough patches or whatever going on, so everyone is allowed their space to find themselves."
Watching Aunt May prepare what looks to be hot chocolate, you nervously tap your thumb ring against the edge of the table. "I wasn't- I didn't.." you trail off, sighing. "I was stupid."
"You weren't stupid; you were in love, sweetheart." Your head snaps up and May grins at you while whisking the chocolate in its pan. "Peter moped when you weren't around. And when Peter mopes, he talks."
"Of course he did." You roll your eyes, but smile sheepishly nonetheless when she winks at you. "I missed him too if it's any consolation, but-"
"But college brings fresh faces and personalities, and you got distracted? It happens."
A fresh wave of tears make an appearance, but you keep on smiling as you wipe them away. "Xavier was everything I thought I wanted," you say, accepting the hot mug of chocolate from May as she sits across from you. "We met during a game of truth or dare where I was dared to make out with him, but.."
"But?" She asks, intrigued.
"I wasn't feeling it. I was still confused over my feelings for my best friend, so I kind of teased Xavier with an almost kiss before rejecting him and quitting the game. Little did I know," you say, smile wobbling and voice thickening, "they continued playing. He, uh, he made a bet that he could make me fall in love with him and then he'd just walk away from me as if it were no big deal."
"Oh Y/N," May coos in sympathy. As you choke down your sobs, she stands up and walks around the table to pull you up onto a hug. "I'm so sorry."
"Everyone knew but me. I pushed away everyone I knew and surrounded myself with him and his friends, and they knew! I only found out because his ex-whatever set us up and cornered him into telling me the truth. Only he didn't, so she showed me the video of that night from our truth or dare game. She had kept recording after I left and I saw everything I wasn't supposed to."
"Excuse my language, but he's a piece of shit. Her too since she did it maliciously." You snort and then after several long seconds you pull away. Wrapping the towel tighter around you again, May frowns as she looks you up and down. "You're skipping classes tomorrow. Peter too," she says. "And right now you're going to go take a hot shower while I find you some fresh clothes."
"May, you don't have to-"
"I know, but I want to. Now go. You know where the shower is. I'll leave the clothes on the toilet lid."
A refusal is on the tip of your tongue, but at her intense stare you can only nod in acceptance. Then taking a couple more sips of your hot chocolate, you set the mug in the sink before heading off towards the bathroom and immediately start the shower.
As the water heats up, you shut the door without latching it so May can walk in with the fresh clothes. Then stripping out of your own clothes and leaving it all in the sink as to not start a puddle on the floor, you shakily step in behind the curtain.
The hot water feels heavenly, the temperature on the verge of stinging, but you're still so cold that you continue to stand there until the chill in your bones goes away. Then and only then do you worry about washing your hair and body.
May had entered halfway through your shower, leaving the clothes on the toilet as promised and then locking the door behind her. You're able to dress in peace without worry that someone would be walking in on you- you only realizing after you're fully dressed that May had left you with nothing but Peter's clothes. Then comfortably dressed and rubbing the towel over your hair, you exit the bathroom only to find that May's made you some soup. You eat in relative silence, grateful that May doesn't attempt any form of small talk.
After you've eaten and have brushed your hair, May nudges you into Peter's room.
"Go on. I never got rid of the bunk beds since Peter still stays here more than his dorm."
"Thank you, May. For everything."
"It's not a problem, sweetheart. Goodnight."
"Night."
Peter's room is exactly as you remember it, but instead of trying to find any new additions you immediately pull back the covers to the bottom bunk and curl up underneath them. You try not to think about the night's earlier events, but they come rushing back no matter what.
As you're laying there, curled up, the bedroom window slides open. Peter crawls in and then drops from the ceiling, and you slightly uncurl yourself to watch him. "Out saving more damsels, Parker?"
He pulls off his mask, smiling, and then taps the spider in the middle of his chest so the rest of the suit loosens. "You were my last damsel." You've seen Peter shirtless more than a handful of times, but there's something far more intimate about him undressing with the only light source coming from the moon through his window. So the second the band of his briefs come into view, you pull the blanket up to your face to shield your eyes. Peter chuckles. "Mr. Stark just wanted to talk about our monthly game night. It's mandatory the team show up."
"Game night? You superheroes have game night?"
"Jealous?"
"Actually, yeah." As Peter climbs up onto the top bunk, you flop onto your back and pull the blanket off your face. Then staring up at the bottom of the top bunk, you sigh. "Remember when we were obsessed with charades? Ned was so competitive and I was a shitty artist."
Peter sighs. "I miss those days. Everything was so easy back then."
"Yeah. Then the real world got scary, we matured faster than we were supposed to, and I- I became an asshole."
"You're not an asshole, Y/N. You just followed your own path."
"What a sucky path that turned out to be."
There's a brief moment of silence and then, "What happened tonight? Why were you sitting alone in the rain?"
"I thought May would have told you by now."
"I called her, but she said this was something you had to tell me. She was upset by whatever it was."
Your bottom lip wobbles, but you quickly sink your teeth into it. Inhaling and then shakily exhaling, you tell him. "Remember Xavier? Remember how everyone told me he'd only break my heart?"
The bed frame creaks and you startle when you see Peter's upside down head from where he's leaning over the side of the top bunk. "Name the time and place. Spiderman will pay him a visit." You snort. "I'm serious, Y/N. Just say the word and-"
"And nothing. What's done is done." Peter refuses to lay back down, he choosing to continue staring at you from his upside down position. Sighing softly, you say, "If you really want to do something, then can you ever forgive me for being a shitty friend? That's all I ask."
"There was never anything to forgive." You lean up on your elbows, staring in surprise. Peter grins. "Now get some sleep. Tomorrow we're skipping classes and I'll swing you by your dorm to pick up a few changes of clothes. It's the weekend and we're staying with May."
"Fine."
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True to May and Peter's words, they hadn't let you attend your morning classes the following morning. Instead you had slept in, then Peter woke you with promises of a hot breakfast courtesy of May herself. You had used Peter's laptop to email your Professors after lunch and since you were such an excellent student, your Professors had no problem emailing you the work you had missed. Then after your stomach had settled, Peter and May drove you back to your dorm.
Peter escorted you inside with his hands tucked deep into his pockets, and you avoided the stares you both garnered. By now everyone was bound to know about the end of your relationship with Xavier, so seeing you with Peter would most likely be the hottest gossip as soon as you were out of sight. Your roommate had been in the room when you'd opened the door, but she clammed up when she saw you weren't alone. She tried to pretend to read, but it was obvious she was staring as Peter helped you pack a bag.
You stay with Peter and May over the weekend, turning your phone off and ignoring anyone attempting to get a hold of you. And within that small time frame, you're reminded all over again how and why you fell for your best friend years ago.
You're dreading being back on campus, but you can't avoid it forever. Peter escorts you back to your dorm room and promises he's only a text or call away, and you enter your dorm to prepare yourself for the week to come.
Some of the friends you made while with Xavier are more than content to ignore your existence, but some actually express guilt for not speaking up. Your roommate, in particular, expresses extreme guilt. She corners you one day after classes and apologizes for not saying anything. She actually quite liked you and when Xavier first made his interests known, she thought you'd continue to deny him. But you didn't and the more time passed, the more she found herself at a loss of how to tell you what she knew. She didn't want you to hate her, but in the end that's exactly what happened. You accepted her apology, but there was no forgiving or forgetting. At least not yet.
The first week post-breakup then passes with relative ease, you only having to shut down Xavier a total of three times when he attempts to talk to you in order to explain himself. You don't care that he's sorry or that he claims he actually did fall in love with you. The start of your relationship was based off of a lie and he tried his best to keep you in the dark about it. In your books, there was no forgiving that.
The weekend is upon you once again and it seems like your roommate hasn't got plans of her own. The silence is awkward and the tension is palpable, and you almost audibly thank the Fates when there's a knock on the door. When your roommate doesn't immediately stand up to answer it, but instead frowns because she wasn't expecting anyone herself, you get up and yank the door open. Standing in the hallway, sheepishly, is Peter.
"Petey? What are you doing here?"
The bed behind you creaks and you know your roommate's interest has been piqued. Rolling your eyes, you meet Peter's amused expression as he tries not to peer over your shoulder. "It's game night. You're my partner."
"Uhh.."
"Come on, Y/N," he teases. "I told you about game night."
"Yeah, but you didn't say I was invited," you tell him, eyes slightly bulging. "Christ, Petey, your game night is at Stark Tower. A little warning would have been nice."
The gasp behind you goes ignored. "Too bad. Put on some shoes and grab your phone. Mr. Stark has a car waiting for us downstairs."
With a groan you turn around and do as Peter told you. You grab your dorm keys and phone, and pocket them, and then you shove your feet into a pair of shoes. Then without even acknowledging your roommate, you step out of the room while linking your arm with Peter's and shutting the door. Halfway down the hall, you say, "I hate you. You did that on purpose."
"Someone has to show them that you're better off."
You laugh. "You're terrible. Everyone I used to associate with will know where I'm headed within the next ten minutes." Peter only smirks in response and then when you get downstairs, sure enough there's a car waiting. You're expecting a normal driver, so you nearly choke on your tongue when Peter introduces you to Steve Rogers and he to you. "For fuck's sake, Petey," you hiss while punching his arm. "You can't just introduce me to people like this without notice."
From the driver's seat, Steve chuckles. "That'd be my fault. I volunteered to drive Peter at the last second."
"He still could have texted me," you grumble. Then scooting forward in your seat to reach up front, you offer your hand. "Hi. It's nice to meet you. I swear I have actual manners."
Steve smiles. "We've recently heard a lot about you."
"All good, I hope."
"Well," he teases, lips quirking.
"He's lying," Peter muses. "It's always good."
"Mhm." As you then settle back into the seat and buckle up, Peter grins from one seat over. "So what game is being played that you needed a partner for?" But before he can answer, your phone dings several times, back to back. You glance at the screen to see the message previews and roll your eyes, then angling your phone so Peter can read it. He huffs a laugh.
"What is it?" Steve wonders, glancing at the two of you in the rear view mirror.
"The ex," you tell him as you pocket your phone. "He's not too thrilled Peter picked me up from my dorm."
"He's also not too thrilled that Y/N apparently parties with Avengers now." Steve raises an eyebrow at him through the mirror and Peter shrugs. "I might have name dropped Tony before we left."
Steve fondly shakes his head. "Well if you don't mind me asking, how recent is this ex if he's upset that Peter picked you up?"
"We broke up a couple weeks ago."
"Mutual breakup?" You meet Steve's gaze in the mirror, and smiling sadly you shake your ahead. When you avert your gaze, Steve takes the hint and changes the topic. "So tonight's game will be easy if you've watched a lot of movies growing up. The game will only work in your favor if your partner is or near the same age as you because JARVIS uses an algorithm to determine which movies to pick for each couple based on their ages."
"Watched a lot of movies?" You ask. Glancing at Peter, you slowly smile. "Movie quotes?"
"Movie quotes."
"Yes!" You cheer. Looking back at the rear view mirror, you explain for Steve when you catch his curious gaze. "My family and I, we watched a lot of movies. And then when we moved next door to Peter and aunt May, he got dragged into our movie nights as well. It first started off with music. If my mom heard a song, she'd glance around and ask 'what movie?' and we had to guess which movie we heard that song in."
"Then after Mrs. Y/L/N passed away, Y/N's brother took up the game, but with movie quotes instead."
"So basically you're going to be the team to beat."
"Damn right we are." You and Peter share a knowing smirk, and you know tonight is going to be fun.
- - - - - - - - - -
Being introduced to full-fledged superheroes is a bit surreal, but you're only starstruck for a few minutes before you start to see them as normal people. Especially when Clint and Bucky start a mini food fight with the popcorn.
You can see the others take a shine to you when you loosen up around them, and you find that their gazes never stray too far from you and Peter. But eventually you wander off and it doesn't take the girls long to corner you in the kitchen for some girl talk.
"So you and Peter, huh?" Natasha muses. "That's adorable."
You can't help the blush that blossoms as you grab a water from the refrigerator. "Petey's my best friend."
"A best friend that you're in love with," Wanda says, slowly grinning.
"I-"
"Nat. Wanda, leave her alone," Pepper says. "Peter said to make Y/N feel welcomed, not interrogate her."
"It's okay," you chuckle. "If anyone is gonna interrogate me about the Peter situation, I rather it be you than May. She's too close to us and it's weird."
"Good." Wanda leans her elbows on the kitchen island, setting her chin in her right palm. "So what's going on? That boy has been awfully cheerful these past few weeks and you're all he seems to want to talk about."
Fiddling with the cap of your water, you grin bashfully. "I.. honestly don't know. Peter and I have been best friends for as long as I can remember, but then feelings got mixed in and we were in an awkward stage. College happened and I- I got distracted by the bad boy."
"What happened with that, if you don't mind me asking," Pepper wonders. "Tony had called Peter over one night and he was in a hurry to get back to you. He kept mentioning finding you in the rain and he didn't know what was going on, only that he had never seen you like that before."
Your smile briefly falters and you glance back towards the sitting area where the boys are still poking fun at one another. Then looking back at the girls, you tell them. "I started dating this guy. I guess you could call it puppy love or whatever, and in the process I sort of cut ties with everyone and put all my focus into my relationship." You sigh, shaking your head at your own stupidity. "I fell in love and I thought he fell in love too, but it turned out that our relationship was based off of a bet. He bet his friends that he could get me to fall in love with him, and when I did then he'd drop me without even batting an eye."
The girls are quiet and when you chance a look at each of them, you see the anger written in their expressions.
"So he broke up with you," Natasha says calmly. Too calmly.
"Not exactly. I think he might have fallen in love too, so he tried to keep me from finding out about the bet. But one of his ex flings got jealous and showed me the video of him making the bet, and I walked out on him. Especially since it turned out that all my new friends knew about the bet, but didn't think to inform me about it. They watched me make a fool of myself."
"Well that's his loss," Wanda says. "I, for one, am glad you reconnected with Peter."
"Thanks. I am too."
Wanda suddenly gets called back into the sitting room by Clint, so she smiles before leaving the kitchen. Pepper moves to leave too and as she passes she squeezes your shoulder. You and Natasha are left, and the red head sidles up to you. "If you ever need help pissing off the ex, I'll gladly help."
Chuckling fondly, you grin. "Yeah? Spider-Man's offered to kick his ass, so we'll see." Natasha smiles ferally at that. "But in all honesty, I just wish he'd stop trying to contact me. I literally have about 60 messages from him since Peter picked me up from my dorm. It didn't take long for my roommate to tell everyone she could about who picked me up."
"I can remedy that right away. Just say the word."
But before you can give her the go ahead, Tony barks at you and her to get in your seats because the game was about to start. The teams have started to pair off- Tony and Pepper, Steve and Bucky, Sam and Wanda- and Clint and Peter are left waiting for their partners.
Settling down next to Peter, he quietly asks if you're okay. You nod and sip your water, and hook your arm through his as you listen to Tony's instructions. You've basically played this game growing up, only this time it is a little different. One member of the team will be reading quotes taken from a specific movie off a Stark tablet while the other guesses what movie it's from. Everyone has a minute to guess as many movies as they can.
The two arrogant Tony and Sam argue over who's going first with Tony winning the honors.
Pepper reads the quotes while Tony guesses the movie, and in their minute they manage to guess eight movies. In Tony's book, he and Pepper have already got the game won. You and Peter boo him, and throw popcorn which he manages to bat away as Sam then volunteers his team. Wanda then reads the quotes to Sam, but they only manage an abysmal five movies. Tony cackles.
Clint guesses as Natasha reads the quotes and Clint correctly guesses his ninth movie just as the last second ticks away. Clint whoops in victory as Tony groans in defeat.
Steve and Bucky manage to do worse than Sam and Wanda, the two super-soldiers only guessing three movies much to everyone's amusement. Steve sheepishly accepted defeat whereas Bucky vowed to make Stevie watch more movies in their off time.
It's finally yours and Peter's turn, and you do your best not to pre-gloat. You and Peter have got this easily. You can feel it in your bones.
"So who's reading and who's guessing?"
"Reading," Peter says, raising his hand.
"Guessing," you then grin.
As Peter quickly reads through the list of movies JARVIS has compiled for him, he smirks. Everyone takes notice, especially Steve who nudges Bucky to keep an eye on the two of you, but Peter keeps mum until the ding resonates around the room to signify the start of your minute. "Nobody puts Baby in the corner."
Your eyes widen. You know this. "Dirty Dancing!"
"Boo, you whore!"
"Mean Girls!" You laugh. The others around you snort and laugh at that particular quote, especially since you guessed it right away.
"Michael Jackson didn't-" Peter pauses, laughing, but quickly gets himself under control. "Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house to use the bathroom. But his sister did!"
"The Goonies!" You stand up, heart pumping furiously as you shift from foot to foot. This game is your jam, but you can't help but feel anxious since there's a time limit.
"Maggots, Michael. You're eating maggots. How do they taste?"
"Oh. Oh! The Lost Boys!"
"How the hell is she doing this?" You hear Sam mutter.
"There's no crying in baseball!"
"A League of Their Own! That was my mom's favorite movie," you quickly explain when Tony's jaw drops at you knowing that particular movie.
"Mama always said life was like a box of choc-"
"Forrest Gump! Next," you say, flapping your hands to hurry him up.
"Toto, I've got a feel-"
"The Wizard of Oz!"
"Oh come on!" Clint mumbles. "These are so easy."
"I'm the ghost with the most, babe."
"Beetlejuice!"
"No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food!"
Clint, Sam, and Bucky all laugh. "Sixteen Candles!" You laugh as well.
"You jump, I jump. Remember?"
"Um. Uh.." Your eyes widen. The name of the movie is right there in your mind, but you can't seem to spit it out. You know it, you've heard that quote over and over, but for some reason the title isn't coming forward. "Second quote. Hurry!"
Peter flicks something on the tablet. "I'm the king of the world!" He shouts.
"Oh! Titanic!"
Peter whoops and you sag in relief. "Ah! My head! The mega-bitch squashed my head!"
"Drop Dead Fred!"
"Ten seconds," Pepper muses.
Peter quickly scans the next quote, but instead of reading it off the tablet, he lets the tablet drop to his side. Then stepping up to you, he takes one of your hands within his as he says, "So it's not gonna be easy, it's gonna be really hard. And we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever. You and me. Everyday."
Your heart practically stops. You know it's only a quote he's reading, but something about the way he said it feels different. "I-" Your voice cracks and the entire room goes quiet.
"Three seconds."
Pepper's voice snaps you and Peter out of the brief staring contest you had going on and the name of the movie rolls off your tongue. "The Notebook."
"Time!" Peter lets your hand drop before he steps back and you shakily breathe in and out, forcing a smile on your face as Wanda raises an eyebrow at you.
"Twelve movies," Clint says in awe. "How the hell did you know all of those? Some of those movies came out before you were even born."
"I watched a lot of movies growing up," you say, chuckling softly. "My family was really close and we bonded through movies. Sometimes my brother will randomly throw a movie quote at me and I'll guess the title without even missing a beat."
"Oh that's cool." Clint nods. "My brother tried to kill me once. Or twice."
Your eyes widen in surprise and Peter groans. "Clint, nooo."
"I'm.. sorry?" You then tell the archer, but he waves you off with a chuckle. Wanda and Natasha keep trying to wave you over to no doubt talk about the effect that last movie quote had on you, but your phone vibrating back to back to back draws your attention. You pull it from your pocket and read the slew of texts that had come in, and sigh heavily. "Hey Petey? Do you think aunt May would mind if I crashed at the apartment tonight?"
"No. Why?"
"Look." You show him the texts and he frowns. "Yeah. A weekend with aunt May is much more preferable than dealing with the ex who can't seem to take no for an answer."
"This is starting to become a bit disturbing, Y/N," he tells you. "I really think you should report him."
"Report him? Oohh, I smell drama. Tell me," Tony says as he sidles up to you. By now everyone seems to be paying a bit of attention so you give him a quick rundown of what's going down. By the end of it, Tony's frowning too. "I don't like it. Or him. Nat?" He then says, turning to find the red head and then snapping his fingers at her. "Take care of it."
You stare uneasily at the red head Avenger. "I normally wouldn't take such drastic measures, but well." You hand over your phone for her to read the texts herself. "What do you think I should do?"
Natasha skims the messages. "These go back weeks," she frowns. "This is definitely something that needs to be addressed with the correct authorities if you've told him multiple times to leave you alone."
"Okay."
"I'll make a few calls. I have some connections."
"Thank you." You tell her. "You can take screenshots if you need to and send them to your phone as proof or whatever. I don't mind." As Natasha takes a seat with your phone and gets to work, you turn back to Peter. He gestures to the side with his head and you follow him into the kitchen. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah." He says, tucking his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "I was just going to ask you that."
You smile tiredly. "I'm fine. I'm just so over Xavier not moving on. I mean I have. Why can't he?"
"Y-You've moved on?"
"Duh." You meet Peter's gaze, grinning. "Petey, when was the last time you saw me crying over him?"
"Uhh.."
"Exactly. It's been a while. I'm happy I'm not in a relationship anymore where I'm so obsessed with the guy that I left everyone else out in the cold. I forgot the people who were most important to me and I'm glad to finally have them back. I'm glad to have you back."
Peter bashfully smiles. "So, uh, is this a good time to talk about us since you're over Xavier?"
"Us?" You raise an eyebrow at him when he finally meets your gaze. "So I wasn't the only one who felt there was something more behind that last movie quote you said to me?"
He chuckles. "You made me watch that movie a million times. Once upon a time it was your favorite, so I thought I'd take a page out of Noah's book. You always did awe at that one quote."
"You're such a romantic, Peter Parker." You step closer to him, nudging him with your shoulder before standing nearly chest to chest with him. "It really boggles my mind that you're still single."
He shrugs. "They weren't you."
You practically beam at him before you close the short distance between the two of you, you grasping the front of his shirt before pulling him down into a kiss. It takes him a moment to realize what's happening, but when he does he's quick to pull his hands from his pockets and cradle your face in his palms.
"Oh thank god," you hear someone mumble. "If she hadn't kissed him after he had said that, I was going to."
You and Peter both laugh at the same time, you turning as Peter tucks you under his arm to see Sam, Bucky, and Clint watching you from the other side of the kitchen island as they casually toss popcorn into their mouths. Natasha and Wanda walk into the room then, Wanda slapping Sam upside the head while Natasha gets Bucky and Clint.
"As fun as this night has been," you say. "I think I should get going. I still need to call May to see if it really is okay that I spend the weekend at her place."
"Oh. Yeah. M-Me too." Peter agrees.
Natasha hands you your phone as you pass, smiling knowingly, and you tuck it back into your pocket as you shake your head at her in amusement. You're stepping around the kitchen island when the guys all coo as Peter hesitantly grabs your hand in his.
"They grow up so fast," Sam teases. And without missing a beat, Peter shoots webbing at Sam's hand when he reaches for a drink in front of him. He sighs. "Always knew I hated that kid."
368 notes · View notes
twiceblackvelvet · 5 years ago
Note
Can you do a Nayeon scenario where she gets drunk and it goes something like: Nayeon: I wasn’t that drunk Rest of Twice: You hit on (Y/N) the whole time Nayeon: What’s wrong with that? She’s my wife? Rest of Twice: You cried when she told you she was taken ❤️ I love you btw
A/N; i love this so much. nayeon is the right level of an annoying dork to pull off something like this. but i did decide to twist it a bit. hope you don’t mind anon. thank you for requesting!🖤
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Nayeon opens her eyes to her own bedroom, thankfully, that is unfortunately way too bright for her liking. Her head ringing as a pulsation sets about destroying her temple with every second she endures the sun brightly shining through the window. 
Throwing one leg over the side of the bed causes a motion sickness she definitely was not prepared for as her stomach growls loudly both from hunger and nausea. The bridge of her mouth firmly glued to her tongue as she grabs the glass of water a kind soul has left on the dresser beside the bed with what looks to be painkillers, hopefully. 
Whoever decided to be a saint clearly predicted that a hangover would be on the cards, however, she herself is struggling to recall the events of the previous night. The last memory her brain is able to dredge to the forefront of her mind is convincing Jihyo that you can definitely lick your elbow if you try hard enough and have drunk enough tequila. 
Her hands naturally gravitate towards your side of the bed after recalling this tidbit of information unsure if she even saw you last night. Her hand is greeted by a cold pillow only though as you’re nowhere to be found.
Usually, she’d wake up alongside you and receive some form of sympathy for her inability to know her own limits in regards to alcohol. The pain bobbling around inside her head is close to causing a breakout of tears if she doesn’t receive a hug from you soon. 
After a few more seconds with no sign of you showing up, Nayeon decides the correct procedure is to investigate the house and try to figure out what exactly happened last night and where you’ve gotten off to. She stumbles out of the bed almost breaking her own neck in the process after standing on various items of clothing and shoes littering the floor. 
A few steps outside of the doors and she comes face to face with three highly amused faces who not only stayed the night apparently, but also have been anticipating this moment for quite some time. 
“Where’s y/n? Is she still here?” She asks anyone who would be willing to offer an answer out of her collective members currently present. 
After a few glances amongst themselves, Mina decides to break the tension in the room and put Nayeon out of her own self-misery. 
“Just gone to get coffee and groceries, they should be back soon don’t worry.” 
Accepting that as a reasonable explanation for your absence, Nayeon joins the rest of her group around the dining table, head naturally falling into her own arms as soon as she’s seated. 
“What happened last night? I don’t remember drinking nearly enough to be feeling like this.”
Once more the room falls silent as seemingly everyone mentally tries to figure out who should be the one to make today’s episode of ‘Nayeon is Hungover’ even worse for their eldest member. This time, the task falls to Jeongyeon who is way too eager to tell the story.
“You were smashed, like, the worst we’ve ever seen you by far.”
Nayeon raises her head with the force and speed capable of giving even a completely healthy person whiplash, but someone in her condition it’s made even worse as her brain once again sends a thundering bolt of pain to the forefront of her head.
“Yeah, sure. Like I’d trust you Jeong. Dahyun, please... what happened?”
A loud sigh escapes Dahyun before she begins to unravel the events. 
“Well, you were downing shot after shot and we tried to get you to slow down but you wouldn’t listen.”
Finally understanding now where the headache and nausea have come from, Nayeon holds her hand up to stop Dahyun and let her know she’s heard enough.
“That’s not all, actually,”
Dahyun tries to continue but halts her words when Mina nudges her arm gently. “Don’t, she’ll only end up embarrassed and annoyed with us.”
“Don’t what?” Nayeon asks. “What happened?”
A small creak signals the door behind Nayeon has been opened and she takes that as a signal you’ve returned thus she only has a few seconds to find out if she’s done anything particularly offensive or annoying she may need to apologize to you for.
“You kept hitting on her. We tried to get you to stop but you wouldn’t drop it.” Dahyun whispers whilst motioning towards you, something you miss whilst placing the groceries into the fridge and cupboards.
A small chuckle escapes Nayeon, barely audible due to her body not allowing her to exert too much energy.
“That’s fine, we’re married guys, she’ll have loved me trying to be flirtatious, got to keep the spark alive somehow,” Nayeon smirks but quickly notices nobody else finds it humorous.
Jeongyeon’s loud hyena-like laugh breaks your concentration and lures it towards the huddled conversation in the corner of the room. You slowly walk towards the girls crowding your wife knowing they’re likely replaying her drunken antics in-depth. 
“She told you she was taken and you wouldn’t stop crying, we all had to leave because the bouncers thought you were having a breakdown.”
Pushing the chair back out of shock and embarrassment, it collides with your knees as Nayeon turns around to find you bending down to rub where her seat has just assaulted you. For the second time in a twenty-four hour time span, tears begin to flow down your wife’s face.
“I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I’ve just done that or that I forgot we’re married. I’m sorry.” She begs.
Your face twists into confusion at her words as you look beyond her body for some kind of explanation from the three girls still seated, all of which shrug their shoulders.
“It’s okay, I’m not hurt. Though, I’m not quite sure what you mean about forgetting we’re married.”
The stream of water from Nayeon’s eyes dries up faster than it began as she realizes what’s happened here and slowly turns to face Mina, Jeongyeon, and Dahyun as if this were a scene from a movie and she’s just uncovered the villain’s secret plot. Dahyun is quick to hide behind the sleeves of her sweater whilst Mina and Jeongyeon struggle not to laugh. 
“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GUYS DID THIS AGAIN!” She yells as all three break out into laughter. 
A small grin replaces your previously confused expression as you twist Nayeon’s body back to face your own.
“Sorry, baby. I had to rope them into this to make you try and learn what your limits are. After all, you believed it was possible, right? Imagine if it wasn’t me you were desperately trying to take home last night.” 
You wink in her face before placing a gentle kiss on her cheek and leave the room so she can allow her still hazy mind to unravel the cunning masterplan you believe you’ve hoodwinked her with. But your wife is not the smartest at the best of times, especially not when recovering from a night of heavy drinking so she’s still unsure of what is real and what is false. 
“So did we flirt or not?” She hollers following after you making sure to slap Dahyun on the arm as she passes her. 
For the rest of the day, you endure Nayeon’s endless questions about whether or not she did cry in the middle of a nightclub over her wife being taken by her. Never giving up the secret you’ve decided to keep even after enduring her empty threats of getting it out of you one way or another. 
It is, after all, easier than explaining to her that she didn’t cry but instead turned you into a flustered disaster who needed to drag her home to stop yourself from doing something you definitely shouldn’t. 
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chelsfic · 5 years ago
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Part Five - Wish You Weren’t Here - Diego Jiménez x Reader - Starz Power fanfic
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Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four
A/N: This part introduces two more characters from the show Ghost and Tommy. Ghost is the main character of the show. Tommy is his best friend and what you need to know about him is that he kills people unapologetically and seems to often find it fun. He’s emotional and impulsive. (Yes, I am also in love with him. Okay? Fine. God.) Sorry if...nothing much happens in this part? I mean I found it compelling to write about the weather. I don’t see the issue? Actually I’m kind of setting up Plot for the next part.
***
It’s not like you expect Diego to send flowers and chocolates and a barbershop quartet... But...you’re disappointed when your Netflix and chill suggestion seems to evaporate from his thoughts over the next few days. He’s obviously very busy. You spend your days flitting around the penthouse while Diego takes non-stop phone calls. It’s clear something big is going down although you only understand one in five words with your high school Spanish. You decide that’s probably for the best. Even if you secretly love listening to Diego’s rumbling voice enunciate the unfamiliar syllables. Maybe he’ll teach you one day…
One day...when he gets his head out of his ass? 
By the end of the week you resolve yourself to Diego’s caprice. Either he’ll grow up and make a move or he’ll...continue to taunt you with his sexiness from afar. Ugh. Friday morning is frigid and it’s sleeting as you walk from the subway station to Diego’s apartment building. The freezing rain soaks through your knit hat and scarf, leaving you damp and shivering despite your giant, dowdy winter coat. It’s been pretty mild this year so this is the first time you’ve walked into Diego’s building in your complete winter get-up. The security man does a double take when he sees you walk in, not recognizing the roly-poly, chunky knit, walking L.L. Bean ad. You’re sure the girls that Diego hangs with will continue to go out in miniskirts and strappy sandals all winter long. But you don’t like being cold. 
Diego’s leaning on the kitchen counter sipping a cup of steaming coffee when the elevator doors open to reveal you in all your glory: soggy, dripping and miserable. He nearly spits out his coffee as you slump your way over to the closet and begin peeling off your layers of outerwear.
“Shut up,” you grumble miserably. “It’s freezing! And you might have noticed it’s raining--I mean your windows are big enough.”
Your jacket falls off the hanger and lands with a wet plop on the floor of the closet. You leave it there, shutting the closet door and going to join Diego in the kitchen. 
“Gimme coffee!” you demand and--feeling bold and edgy--grab the mug out of his hands and take a big sip from his cup. You grimace, “Ugh! This needs milk!”
“Well, it was my coffee, actually. You can have your own…” but you’re already going over to the refrigerator and pouring Diego’s almond milk creamer into the cup, filling it almost to the brim before taking another taste. 
“Better,” you sigh and watch him make another cup for himself. “...thanks.”
He looks up and smiles at you and the dimple in his cheek makes you weak in the knees. How can he look so boyishly charming when he’s an actual…
Your hands are slowly thawing, cupped around the ceramic mug but a shiver wracks your body nonetheless. It’s partially in response to the memory of his fingers wrapped around the golden handgun and partially because you’re still pretty damn cold and you’ve only worn a t-shirt under your coat like a moron.
“Come here,” he says, holding out his arms, eyebrow arched expectantly.
Murderer, schmurderer. You set the cup down on the counter and step into his arms. Diego wraps his hands around your bare arms and hisses in sympathy at how cold you are. He rubs his palms vigorously over your frozen skin, warming you with the friction as if he were a boy scout trying to light a fire. Heh--he’s already lit a fire…
You’re boneless, wavering before him as his hands run over your arms until you finally lean forward and let your forehead rest on his chest. You feel his chest rumble against your cheek as he purrs in response to your closeness. 
“Should have brought a sweatshirt with me,” you mumble into his shirt.
“Hold on,” he says, pulling away. You curse yourself for speaking and breaking the moment. He goes upstairs and comes back a moment later holding a black cashmere sweater in his hands. “Put this on.”
He hands you the bundle of fabric and you let your fingers roam over the rich fibers. You can think of more amusing ways for him to keep you warm but you’re still touched by the gesture.
“Diego. This is too nice to wear doing housework…”
He rolls his eyes at you and smirks, “Just put it on. You feel like an icicle.”
Of course you’re quietly--stupidly--thrilled. You pull it on over your head and delight in how the sleeves fall over your hands and the bottom hem extends halfway down your thighs. Diego’s eyes glimmer as they drift over your form, secretly pleased to see you dwarfed in his shirt. He clears his throat and turns away abruptly to fiddle with the coffee maker. With his back to you, you bring the collar of the sweater up to your nose to give it a little surreptitious sniff. Mmm...beefy boi scented. You try to squirm your way back into his arms but he’s already distracted, looking down at his phone.
“By the way...I need you to leave early today. I have a lunch meeting,” he says absentmindedly as he scrolls through text messages.
You throw him a withering glance. Leaving early as in doing the same amount of work in half the time?
“Fine, but I’m just doing your sheets and laundry. The rest can wait,” the words themselves sound authoritative, but your tone wavers a little at the end. You’re still unsure in asserting yourself to this man who can intimidate you even if he occasionally dissolves into a needy puddle at your touch.
He looks at you with that enigmatic gaze of his. You try to keep your chin up even as your insides quake. He finally nods wordlessly and turns back to his phone.
***
You’ve just finished putting away the folded linens when Julio walks up to you, “Boss says time to go. I’m driving you home.”
You look up at him and frown in confusion, “You’re driving me home?”
Julio just shakes his head in shared bemusement, “Diego wants me to drive you from now on. I’ll pick you up in the morning and take you home at the end of the day.”
Julio tries to rush you out the door but you stop him at the elevator, “I need to grab my coat, hold on.”
You get your coat from the closet and head back into the living room where Diego is lounging on the couch. He looks up at you with a self-satisfied expression, “Julio told you he’ll be driving you from now on?”
“Yeah?” you answer, “Diego, I don’t--I don’t really know him that well?”
You’re actually thinking about the way Julio’s hand dug into your arm, the way he seemed so ready to deliver you to his boss like a sacrifice when you’d witnessed too much. The memory doesn’t exactly make you feel comfortable spending time with the man.
Diego stands, his height towering over your small frame. He cups his hands around your face and tilts your head back to meet his gaze, “I trust Julio with my life, little girl. And yours. He’ll protect you. Besides...it’s still raining. And soon it will be snowing…”
He leans down quicker than you can process and pecks a chaste kiss to your forehead. What the fuck? My lips are right here, buddy. Before he can pull away you grab his shirt collar and tug him down to smash your lips against his. He responds to the kiss, opening his lips and letting you slip your tongue into his mouth, stroking, lapping, nipping. He growls as he tears himself away. 
“You need to leave now,” he pants. “I don’t want my...guests...seeing you here.”
“But...,” you smirk, licking your lips and giving him a knowing look, “I’m just the maid.”
***
Julio is silent on the ride down to the lobby. You fidget, balancing your bag and your still damp jacket on your arm. You catch his eye at one point and try to give him a little smile. He looks like he’s still puzzling out why the hell his boss is spending so much effort on you. 
Cool. Start to a beautiful friendship and all that.
When you step off the elevator into the lobby Julio turns to you and finally speaks, “Wait here, I’ll get the car.”
“Sure!” you answer in your chipper, we-can-be-friends voice. If Julio is Diego’s right hand man, or whatever, then you want to be at least friendly, if not full-fledged friends.
You watch him walk away and you notice two men approaching the private elevator. You shuffle out of their way but not before one of them catches you with a penetrating gaze. He’s a white guy, blond buzz cut, tall--hulking really would the correct terminology--with definite crazy eyes. He stares at you like he’s trying to see into your soul. You stare back not because you’re trying to seem unaffected but because you just can’t look away. You watch his eyes widen as they flick downward. You glance down at yourself, realizing that you’re still wearing Diego’s over-sized, expensive sweater. When you look back up the man is still watching you, this time with a malicious looking grin on his lips. 
“Excuse me, ma’am,” he says with false sincerity, grasping your elbow in his large hand and giving the slightest squeeze as if to hint at the strength withheld. He doesn’t let go right away. Not until his partner, an elegant, handsome black man, finally addresses him.
“Tommy,” there’s a hint of warning and exasperation in the man’s voice. 
The man--Tommy--finally lets you go. You watch them both step onto the elevator, unease shivering down your spine. Even as you walk across the lobby and go outside to meet Julio...you still feel Tommy’s gaze crawling over your skin.
Tommy...
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Ghost...
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Tags:
@lockedoutofmyotherblog @1zashreena1​ @lannister-slings-and-arrows @glowingpena​ @flower-petal-blooming​ @symbiont13​ @pullthedamnlever​ @sparrows-books​ @joalsglasses​ @ishqinbbc​ @pre-schoolervengance​ @skys-luce-stellare @popculturepriestess​ @nolongertwo​ @ughwhyareyoulikethist​ @squidlywiddly87​ @damndamer0n​ @xboxdudett​ @khicks3 
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vxlkyrieee · 5 years ago
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ignorance is bliss [part 1]
Dick Grayson x female reader
Word Count: 1864
Warnings: angst
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Dick was the one who had invited you to the stupid gala. If he hadn't, you'd make plans with other friends, or perhaps just stay home. His family teased you playfully for days before the event, insisting that he would ask you on a date. Or perhaps the gala itself was a date. When he asked, "Come with me? I'll be alone otherwise," you couldn't help but to say yes, for the sake of aborting his loneliness. But it seems he isn't so lonely after all.
It wasn't even Dick that had greeted you at the door. Alfred had took your coat for you, and welcomed you with a "Good Evening, Miss (L/N). It's a pleasure to see a familiar face attend tonight." You kissed the old man's cheek as usual, and asked "Where's Dick?"
"Aah. Master Dick is currently mingling. He's with a few ladies along the bar, (Y/N)."
"Thanks Alfie." He nodded in response, closing the manor door behind you. When you spotted Richard, clad well in a dashing tux, flirting with girls and sipping a few drinks, you thought he'd maybe see you and dismiss himself from them. So when he nodded to you, waved, and turned his attention back to them, you felt like a knife had been driven through your friendship. You winced, grimaced and then headed upstairs. Moping and brooding, you leaned over the edge of the staircase. You didn't like to watch Dick and his sultry intentions, but for whatever reason, failed to tear your eyes away from his form.
There he goes off again, moving with the grace and smoothness of a lion. A lion who knows what he wants. He waltzes across the great hall of Wayne Manor, eyeing the countless beauties attending the fundraising gala for Bruce Wayne's latest philanthropic advances. His prey for tonight stands at an average height, with blue eyes and blonde hair. Of course. She's a perfectly good looking woman, with slender legs and a slim waist. Perfect enough to be the cover or centrefold of a magazine.
Dick takes a step towards her, sharp in his tuxedo, baring a charming grin like a lion would wear a predatory snarl. As soon as she sees him, she obviously swoons, her knees buckling a little at the sight of him. He hands her a flute of champagne, and she smiles. Her teeth shine white under the light of the grand chandelier, and she does nothing to even attempt to suppress the dreamy, dazed-like expression on her face. And just like that, the lion strikes. He gets his prey, and hooks his arm around her waist triumphantly. That's one more girl who'll sleep in his bed. One more heart broken. Not that she knows it yet. A strand of his dark hair falls in his eye, as he whisks her away. He has to sweep it out of his face to turn back to the woman. He smiles again, wider if even possible. The crinkles next to his eyes accentuating the victory in his catch. His teeth gleam like her's do, almost blinding.
They supposedly belong together. Both beautiful. Both perfect. Both completely unaware. 
She is blind to the fact that by tomorrow morning, her heart will be shattered amongst discarded clothes. He ceases to notice that his habits not only hurt his partner for the night, but they pain him too. It brings him pleasure only for the time being, and ebbs away in the morning, unable to feed his hopeless hunger for love. What he doesn't realise is eating his true-self away; Ignorance is a poison that kills love. Kills everything in love's way.
"(y/n)? Are you alright?" Bruce's fingers grace your arm in gentle kindness.
"Yes, yes. Just fine Mr Wayne," you reply, pasting a smile onto your face. The anxiety in Bruce's ice-blue eyes is always ever-present, so when they turn to you with worry for your well-being, you pay it no mind. He offers you his arm and smiles. "Would you like to dance with me tonight? I'm afraid my date is a no-show, and I'd like a word with you." You nod hesitantly, placing your hand on his bicep. A number of people applaud his presence on the dance floor, also nodding to you, his eldest son's close friend. The two of you begin to dance, feet moving in time with the melody of a live musical performance.
"I'm surprised Dick hasn't made a move on you yet." He speaks up suddenly, catching you off guard. "I'm sorry, what?" You crease your eyebrows and search the billionaire's face. He wears a smug smirk as he looks at you, almost pointedly, as if it were your fault that you weren't dating your best friend. "It's just, you too have been quite close for quite some time now. I would expect that he would've asked for an intimate relationship with you. A serious one."
You scoff and let out a sarcastic laugh. "Bruce, you know Dick isn't one for serious relationships. And he certainly does not have an eye for me."
"I suspected the opposite. You're a smart and kind girl. Not to mention, you are a beautiful young lady-" Dick didn't seem to think so. "-Especially tonight. I'm glad you wore the dress Alfred bought you."
"Thank you. I was contemplating on showing up in sneakers." You gesture to your stilettos, looking down at your feet. Your somewhat 'father figure' chuckles lightly. "I thought you might've," is all he says, smiling. His eyes wander up to the ceiling, squinted as if examining each and every jewel that was encrusted in his chandelier. You had broken the last chandelier not too long ago, using a handgun. It was a dangerous situation, in which Ra's Al Ghul planned on kidnapping the boys to join the league of assassins. Just seeing Bruce look up at the webwork of gems, shot a trickle of guilt through your spine, despite your apologies being forgiven already.
You spot Dick and the blonde across from you, laughing happily as they dance. They'll be dancing all night together, assumedly. Being the observant, sharp-eyed person you are, you find it effortless to collect minor details and precision in how he acts. How his nose moves ever so slightly when he talks, the tip of his nose twitching adorably with every motion of his lips forming words. How his smile gleams from ear to ear, charming and contagious. Every one of his scrupulosities was almost enchanting to you.
"Bruce, it's kind of you to think all of those things of me. Really, it is. But I just-" He cuts you off, placing a firm grip on your shoulder, as if to assure you of something. "Please, (y/n). The compliments weren't just to be polite. I think highly of you." Your heart swells at the praise you receive, and you can't help but feel a bit more confident. You hold your head a little higher, like a peacock displaying it's feathers. At least, until he adds "And I think Dick does too."
Of course, being best friends, Richard surely would have thought the best of you. But this is not where Bruce's path of conversation intended to go."No, Bruce. He doesn't see me like you think he does. He never will." You aim to clear up Bruce's clouded judgement. But just as his parents before him were, Bruce is always headstrong. Stubborn. He stands his ground. "I refuse to believe that," he muttered shaking his head. "Bruce." You almost spit out his name, as if scolding a child. It is at your tone of voice, that he finally decides to consider your honest confessions. "I don't understand. You've been with him through everything. You possess all qualities of a smart, kind-hearted, attractive young woman. You're like a daughter to me. I'd find it hard to believe that my son doesn't care deeply for you."
You offer Bruce a sad smile, as your heels still move to the rhythm of the music, in time with his own glossy shoes. "He does care, Bruce. Just not like that." Your eyes lead themselves back to where Dick stands with his new date, laughing carelessly and hysterically. Bruce follows your gaze and attempts to console you, one hand patting between your shoulder blades.
"He'll realise, (Y/N). It might take time, but he'll realise." He nods along with his own sentiment, taking your hand in sympathy. His hands are warm, but not as warm as Dick's. You furrow your brows. "Realise what, may I ask?"
"That he loves you." with that said, he is swooped away by a rather broad man in a fine tailored suit and a monocle. Bruce and the man seem to start talking business, probably about Wayne Enterprises. Dick had told you once that he would loathe to run Wayne Enterprises one day, leaving it to Bruce to pick another son as an heir to his company. You used to laugh at his sarcastic imitations of Bruce in office meetings, acting gruff and obstinate.
But those characteristics never sit well with a man like Richard John Grayson. He was the kind of guy everyone thought to be perfect. 'A Golden Boy,' Jason always called him. And a Golden Boy he certainly was. Whenever Dick strode into a room with that charming, boyish grin of his, it was as if the windows would start filtering slices of pure sunshine. The aureate rays would smooth over the aura of the room with the solace of a warm Summer breeze. His hugs felt the same; warm and comforting. Like home. Of course, being the man he was, Richard Grayson could sweep a girl off her feet in seconds. But not you. You had not been so naive to Dick's book of tricks, refusing to fall for guy who knew how to play the game all too well. You stood your ground and refused to let your mannerism reveal any inkling as to what you thought of him. Except, that was but a facade.
Your insides all but dissolved every time he walked past you. If he was the Sun, then you were Icarus. You loved him too much for your own good. Too close. If you got any closer, the wax wings of your friendship would melt into a relationship that would not mend. So the friendship would have to remain, and let him have his distance. Let your heart ache at his affection towards other girls, whilst the wings flourish. For if the wings melt, so does your heart. You couldn't stand it. You couldn't stand to feel this way, and not have him. You couldn't stand that he would walk straight past you with such ease. If only he were observant as you, he would  see just how much you ached. They say ignorance is bliss, but can it truly be, when the pain feels like this? Dick's ignorance was certainly a manifestation of ecstasy for himself. If only you were just as blind as he was.
"I wish I could ignore you, like you ignore me," you whisper under your breath, secretly hoping that somehow, Dick would hear you.
Taglist: (names with strikethrough means I couldn’t tag)
@bookish-and-shy @avengingnatasha​
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cordytriestowrite · 5 years ago
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Keeping Up Appearances
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Bucky Barnes x Reader
Chapter 13
Summary: When an old friend comes back into your life you struggle to maintain the lies you've told. Bucky Barnes has no idea what he's gotten into by agreeing to be your fake boyfriend, but you have no idea what to do about the very real feelings you have for him.
Just the epilogue to be posted from here! Thank you all who have waited so patiently for these final chapters.
Bucky had called it neutral ground and at the time you agreed, but seeing light strain to shine through the dirty windows of the pool hall only revealed how dated the furniture was and how dirty the ceiling was with cigarette smoke. Pepper wouldn't be caught dead in this place, but when you sent her the address she made no attempt to change the venue to something higher end. The fact that she even agreed to come to Brooklyn had shocked you. You could only reason that your texts puzzled her enough to brave the trip.
Pepper I really need to talk to you. 
She tried calling within five minutes but you declined the call, too much of a coward to plan this out over the phone.
Not a phone call kind of talk. Can you meet me tomorrow? 
The clock above the door was broken but a quick glance at your phone told you the hour was near. A text from Pepper timestamped five minutes ago made you swallow nervously.
Almost there 
The place was nearly empty, only two tables occupied by a group of older men wearing matching club jackets. They smoked and sipped beers while making the occasional exclamation at a bad shot but they left you and Bucky alone. 
"I set up a table for us in the corner."
"It's clean?"
Bucky nodded, looking just as worried as you for the arrival of your final guest. 
"Dirty martini." Bucky gave you a confused look.
"She likes dirty martinis." You clarified, biting your lip as you fussed with your hands, pulling at your fingers until the tendons burned. 
"What do you want?"
The thought of consuming anything made your throat burn.
"Just water."
"Okay, doll. Go sit down."
Bucky kissed your forehead, holding your face in his hands delicately.
"It's going to be okay."
The chair squeaked loudly under your weight and the table wobbled if you put any weight on it. You took a few coasters littering the tables around you and wedged them under the wobbly table leg. 
"Oh thank god, I thought I gave the wrong address to Happy."
Pepper's voice came from directly behind you, loud and lively. Your head bashed against the bottom of the table as you lurched up to see her. Taking deep breaths you clutched at the tender spot and righted yourself, slowly this time. 
"Nope, this is the right place."
Pepper shot you a smile and walked around the table, taking a seat silently in the chair next to you. You placed her clutch on the table and let her eyes roam the venue, lighting up as she looked toward the bar.
"Oh, Bucky's here! Are you two back together? Is this why you wanted to talk to me? Oh my god are you pregnant?"
The last question came out in a whispering hiss, something Pepper only did when she thought she was getting some good gossip. You almost wished that was the news you were sharing, Pepper would be more pleased you got knocked up than what she was about to learn.
"No! Not pregnant but Bucky and I...it's complicated."
In the spirit of truth you knew you should also admit to Pepper that you and Bucky were a ruse, but would it really matter, or would it be the final nail in the coffin of your friendship?
Bucky was walking back to the table, a martini glass in one hand and two mugs, held by the handles, in the other. He distributed the drinks and planted a kiss of greeting on Pepper's cheek before sitting down. He looked nervous now and you reached for his hand. He accepted your comfort and offered his own by swiping his thumb across the back of your hand.
"You're drinking water…"
"Peps I'm not pregnant!"
You quirked a brow in disbelief as she took a sip from her glass. If she saw the uneasiness on yours and Bucky's faces she didn't let it affect her. A content smile sat on her flawless face as she awaited more information. Bucky gave your hand a firm squeeze that was on the verge of being painful, but it was the push you needed to get started.
"Pepper, I haven't been completely honest with you."
Her smile faltered, but only for a second before it was back, less wide but still there pairing with her wide, open stare.
"About what?"
With a quick glance at Bucky you continued.
"A lot has happened since you left."
Each word was pushed from your mouth by your tongue, the weight of them seeming so much heavier against your lips than in your head. Pepper waited, the only indication of her impatience was the way she tapped her pinky finger against the table.
"I'm poor."
Pepper blinked twice quickly, then shook her head slightly as if her ears were fighting against hearing the words.
"Broke? How broke?"
You let out an airy, self deprecating chuckle, pushing your fingers against the side of your neck.
"All my credit cards are maxed out and I've taken on a second job recently, but I'm still having trouble."
Her mouth opened and closed, face scrunched up as she tried to find the words to say. Bucky gave your hand a quick squeeze. 
"Okay." The word was drawn out as Pepper's brain worked through her next thought.
"Are you asking for money?"
"No!" 
Your shout startled a few men across the hall, the one bent over the pool table cursing loudly as he missed his shot. You cleared your throat and spoke at a more reasonable level.
"No, I am telling you this because it goes bigger than just being...poor."
You glanced up, into Pepper's eyes, as you said the last word. Poor. It was a word you used to spit out of your mouths with disgust before cackling at those to whom the word applied. It fell from your lips now with no venom, just a sad reality. Pepper's gaze was intently on you, trying to find something in your eyes that you couldn't quite identify. Her mouth was set into a hard line of concentration but she didn't look disgusted by you like you had imagined. 
"My father co-owned some supermarkets upstate."
This information was more for Bucky than Pepper, but it felt better to explain the whole story, or maybe you were just stalling.
"The markets were modest, we lived comfortably, but right before high school things changed. I remember my dad taking us out to dinner more and we moved to a bigger house and my older brother got a brand new Lexus for his birthday."
All this Pepper knew, whether she remembered was a different story. You couldn't look at her or Bucky so instead you watched the condensation gathering on the outside of your mug, choosing a heavy drop as a focal point.
"My dad said they had made some executive changes that made the chain more profitable and as a young kid I didn't question it. I had my car, my clothes, and two rooms; one that I used as a closet."
"I remember." Pepper practically whispered and when you gathered the courage to look up at her she was looking down at her own drink with a small smile half hidden by the hand supporting her chin. 
"When it was time to pick a college I knew money wasn't a problem and I just wanted to stay with my friends so I followed you. Everything was great until a few months before we were supposed to travel the world. The money just...stopped showing up in my account."
Your mouth was dry and your hand was shaking when you picked up your mug and took a large gulp. Bucky's thumb was rubbing against your hand again. The story was getting easier to tell and soon it would be all out there. Whatever came after that you still weren't prepared for. 
"For months my parents told me everything was fine, that there was just an issue with the bank. I figured, as long as my account was back up by the time we left then who cares?"
"But you couldn't come with me."
It was a fact. Pepper's voice was even and clear. She didn't sound like she was mad, about missing out on the trip or your current conversation.
"My father was arrested for embezzlement and money laundering three days before you left. I lost contact with my family all together a few days later."
"How did I miss this?" 
Pepper had finally shifted from her casual lean against the table. She leaned back, arms crossed, her tongue poking out as her eyes darted back and forth across the table. Your laugh was hollow as you shrugged one shoulder.
"I like to think I hid it pretty well."
You didn't want to look at Bucky, just watching Pepper's reaction was enough to make you want to crawl into your bed and not come out for a few years. His hand was still entangled with yours and you took that as a sign he didn't hate you just yet, but that didn't mean he wouldn't. 
"You were gone. I wasn't going out anymore. Police were starting to show up at my apartment and calling me during classes. I dropped out after I couldn't pay for fall semester. The bank took all the money in my account, they took my car, they took anything that could repay what my father took but it wasn't enough.
"I was called to the trial and had to take a bus to get there. I sat in the third row and watched my father be sentenced to ten years in prison."
Pepper's hand was grabbing at the one not already held by Bucky. Sympathy poured from her and it made you sick.
"Oh, honey, I am so sorry. But you couldn't help it."
"It's my fault." 
Pepper looked like she wanted to counter that but maybe it was the hardness in your eyes that made her hold her tongue.
"Me and my big mouth. My dad co-owned the stores with a partner who was more hands off, but his son went to school was us. I thought that he was cute and we went out a few times but he questioned by designer clothes and nice car. He ghosted me a few weeks before the investigation."
"You don't know it was your fault."
Bucky spoke up for the first time and your heart started to beat so hard it almost burst from your chest. When you tried to speak again you could only let out a painful sob and had to down the rest of your water before you spoke again.
"He was a witness. During my father's trial. He had photos of my things, bank statements I had laying around, he had enough evidence to convince his father to call the police and press charges. Brock Rumlow swore in and winked at me and I knew I had done this to my family."
Your hands were empty, you had pulled them away to hide your tears. Every cell in your body shook with guilt. You hadn't spoken to your parents or brother since the trial and every say since then you had worked to keep yourself afloat. Every day since then you had lied and hid your reality from your best friend, but nothing was hidden from her anymore, besides your true relationship with Bucky.
Your fingers were stained by your running makeup, you knew you looked terrible and your voice would be strained, but you needed to tell her about you and Bucky. You needed to her to know.
Except when you pulled your hands away to tell her Pepper was gone, only a dirty martini left in her wake.
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demonboidies · 5 years ago
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𝓼𝓲𝓬𝓴𝓵𝔂 - 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓳𝓲𝓶𝓲𝓷, 𝓴𝓲𝓶 𝓽𝓪𝓮𝓱𝔂𝓾𝓷𝓰, 𝓳𝓮𝓸𝓷 𝓳𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓰𝓾𝓴
pt. 6
word count; 4,855
<this is a yandere story, therefore this is a trigger warning for emotional abuse, manipulation, toxic relationships and overall unhealthy obsession towards the reader/mc/yn>
tag list: @taezeus​ @jooniescupcakes @aesthetically-messed-up @okpoke​  @aysha489​ @iwannabeanidol (comment under this post to be added, if you comment anywhere else i won’t see it)
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➣park jimin
      23 years old with blonde hair (dna/mic drop era) and is an ambitious dancer, singer, and all around performer. he has been creative since he was a young child and it's a big part of his life.
you locked the door after telling Namjoon you had to pick up the boys. well, technically, you were picking jimin up for his lunch/co-curricular. then following that would be taehyung, and jungkook. they all had separate break times considering they had different schedules. the rest of the boys even noted to you that jungkook would spend extra hours in the practice room at their university. dancing his heart out, skipping his lunch.
so you had patiently waited outside the entrance of his school, where he said to wait for him. so when you saw a tuffle of blonde hair bounce amongst the other students, you smiled softly knowing that it was jimin.
so you waved to get his attention, successfully achieving it. he came over to you with a bright smile and the first words out of his mouth were, "Let's get tacos!"
you didnt argue, i mean who would. a brightly smiling park jimin is offering to eat tacos, now how does one reject such an offer.
so you drive to a local taco restaurant, jimin baking your ear off as to how good their carne asada is(today he was just craving tacos. so he ordered his food, as you did your own. and while you patiently waited, you began starting up conversation.
"so how were your classes?"
a groan left his lips. "excuse my french, but annoying as hell."
you had to hold in your laughter, he didnt even curse when he said to excuse his french. "and why were they annoying?" you took a sip from your drink as he ran a hand through his hair.
"dont get me wrong, i love dancing and singing and performing, but it's too technical! i dont know if it's just at this school or something, but these classes require me to take more notes than to actually exhibit my skill." you nodded, wishing you could say you could relate but obviously couldnt. you were glad as a college student to just take notes and learn a lesson through the day, work, and go to your dorm to just study more. jimin was the complete opposite. he had a drive of passion and you admired him for that. he had something to live, and you didn't know if it was dancing, nonetheless his love for performing amazedly amzed you.
"well, at least you get to perform at shows right? i mean, i can kinda relate with how boring lessons are, especially with the most boring of teachers. but at least you get to show how really talented you are, right?" you said with a weak smile. "hey, if it makes you feel any better...one time i tripped in front of a thousand people at my orientation."
it took less than a second for him to break out into a wide grin, his childish giggle ringing through your ear. "what does that have to do with anything?" he said through his boisterous laughter.
"absolutely nothing. just wanted you to feel better and cheer up a bit," you said with a shrug and light blush. i mean your plan worked, but he now just had potential blackmail on you.
your statement seemed to make his shoulders shake even more. "you're so amusing, noona~ ah, we're lucky to have you."
i'm lucky to have you
the twinkle in his eye made you smile wider, brushing off your embarrassment. "please, i'm lucky to have you guys. you guys are seriously too generous." his eyes turn into crescents, wordlessly nodding his head.
you ate your food in silence, eating quickly to fill your empty stomach. jimin was talking through the lunch period, filling you in on the past of the boys.
"jin, he's a next-to-be heir of his father's company. he is the main source of money that goes to our house, food, and generally everything. he's well put off, to make it simply." jimin stated when you asked about the eldest brother. "we all met in high school though. i was first friends with jungkook and yoongi, so i'm really the closest to them. but i treat all of them like they're my brothers. but soon after we became all really close, we got a lot of un-needed attention. we didn't like it, especially yoongi, jungkook, and i. our anxiety really kicked in during our highschool years. the attention was too much for us and we barely made it through our last year. so jin bought the house we live in now, which is far away from the town, because we didn't want to have anything to do with the townspeople after that."
your mouth formed into a small 'o', taking in all of that information. learning about how they were treated in highscool made you sympathsize with them. naturally, when there are several attractive, young men going to a school, the females (and males) will do anything for their attention. at least, that's what it's like in the TV shows. it all seems glorious, but hearing how much it affected them now was sadening. you could only think of how they were treated.
jimin's plump lips curled into a small smirk, seeing the flash of emotions cross your face. mostly were pity and sympathy, and it was a great feeling for him. you had trusted them and gotten close them so quickly in the few days you had been acquainted. if it continued up, jin's plan would be working perfectly.
'jin isn't the only proficient liar in the house, dear,' jimin thought, happy you had fallen so easily into the trap. however, it was just the beginning and they had to work even harder for you to become even closer.
"yeah, it was relly terrible. i hate to self-pity myself, but those girls there...were really out of hand. they would give obnoxious gifts, throw themselves onto us like we were zoo animals, and the way they acted surely would've disappointed their mothers and fathers." jimin said, a pout on his lips as he worked up tears. his eyes were glossing as he looked at you with a weak smile, "you aren't like that, right noona?"
your heart broke. the look of absolute sadness on his face was enough for you to grasp his hands into yours. "of course not, i wouldn't dare to even act like that. this is my job and no matter what, i will keep myself in check. i wouldn't want you boys to relapse or anything," a kind smile was on your lips, and jimin couldn't help but mimic your expression.
"thank you so much for agreeing to this job, although it might be a bit more than you bargained for," a light chuckle left his mouth as he wiped his eyes of his almost falling tears. you nodded slowly, looking down at your empty plate. you were ready to pack up and leave, considering you already paid for the bill. but when you looked up, you saw that jimin had barely eaten his burrito bowl.
"jimin, aren't you hungry?"
he looked at his plate, smiling nervously. "no, no. i already had a few bites, that's enough to suffience me for the rest of the day."
you recalled back to when you were reading their documents, remembering the eating disorder that was listed among his other diagnoses. a weak smile trailed your lips, picking up a spoon to scoop up some of his burrito bowl. "come on, just a few more bites. and if you don't want anymore, i'm sure the other boys will appreciate this."
so, when your crush of the longest time is holding out a spoon to you, begging you to eat you food, what're you gonna say? no?
"just one more bite," jimin said with a shy smile, his face a bright red. he had never thought he would be this close to you, you were feeding him food! his brain couldn't take it so he simply leaned forward to have a bite of his own food.
"there ya go," you said happily, glad you were able to get the poor man to eat something.
so you took the burrito bowl in a to-go box, driving jimin back since his lunch period was almost up. you had talked at the restaurant longer than you had expected.
"tae should be waiting in the same spot you picked me up at, but if he isn't you can text him." jimin said as he got out of the car. he was leaned down, arm resting on the top of the car so he could talk to you.
"text me when he comes so i know he doesn't keep you waiting or something."
you both chuckled, until you heard a yell directed towards you two. "ya! jimin i'm not always late to things!"
➣kim taehyung
      23 years old. dark brown hair, almost black(LY:TEAR era). a photography major, travels far every now and then when he wants to capture the perfect image. treasures art since it has been apart of his life since he could remember.
jimin rolled his eyes, looking up at the new arriving male, "you usually are though." he argued as taehyung closed in on the car. he was now standing next to jimin with his boxy smile, eyes lingering with his for a moment. that is before he whipped his head to look at you.
"hi noona!" his cheerful tone made you smile and wave in greeting. "okay, jimin scadoodle, you got a class to catch." taehyung circled the car, opening up the passenger's seat and settling in.
jimin was reluctant to leave you alone with the hyper male, but he had no choice considering he did need to catch his class. "alright i'll see you at dis-"
"yeah yeah bye!" taehyung leaned over you lap, pulling your window up for you to shut the older one out. when it was sealed shut, taehyung looks at you excitedly. "what do you have in mind for the next 45 minutes noona?"
taehyung hasn't moved from your lap, cuing a blush to arise on your cheeks. "the park?" your tone was shaking out of nerves and because you were so flustered, then taehyung finally got off of your lap.
"sure i don't mind." he calmed down a bit, playing with his thumbs which laid in his lap. "but, would you mind if we stopped for ice cream?"
the familiar boxy smile was on his face as he waited for your response. you couldn't turn down the energetic boy's request even if you wanted to, it has to be illegal to say no to that face. so you exaggeratedly sighed in defeat, although the smile on your face proved to taehyung that you were in fact okay with getting ice cream. i mean ice cream in the park was an even better idea than the original you had proposed.
so you drove a little down the road and to the small ice cream parlor, where a nice old lady was waiting. she greeted you with a smile, but when she saw taehyung's figure her face turned a bit glum. you didn't miss it, but taehyung didn't catch it as he was too busy looking at the assortments of ice cream.
so you told the lady what you wished to order, she gladly taking it and putting the ice cream you wanted in a cup. taehyung looked up at her and her eyes once again turned a bit glum, face falling at the sight of his face. you ignored it and moved to the cashier, missing the deadly glare that taehyung gave her. if looks could kill she surely would've been dead.
another girl had gotten your order rung up at the cashier, what the other lady was doing you didn't care for. so you simply paid for the ice cream, going back to taehyung who was sitting at the table patiently.
"here is your ice cream taehyung, let's go to the park, yeah?" he nodded, smiling widely.
"we can go to the campus park, it's closer than the other one." taehyung informs and you didn't even bother arguing, the faster you could get back to pick jungkook up would be easier and more convenient anyway. so you drove according to his directions, parking in the open lot.
he eagerly hopped out of the vehicle, practically bouncing over to sit on one of the benches. miraculously, his ice cream was fine with all his erratic movement.
you locked the car door, joining him on the bench. you licked your ice cream and observed the scenery. it was a beautiful little park, a blue pond sitting in the corner of the landscape. trees were blooming, little pink buds at the end of several branches.
"so, noona," he started breaking the silence, "why did you become a maid rather than a translator?"
you thought for a moment, humming slightly in thought. "i mean, i would be happy with either jobs. but my friend was telling me about how her grandma had passed because no one was watching over her, it made me re-think my decision." you spoke the truth to taehyung, a soft smile on your face. "i got really lucky with this job, however. you guys are really too generous."
he shook his head and took a lick of his ice cream, "no, we just know how to treat people correctly. jin and yoongi are the heads of the house, unofficially but they are the most responsible, and they both agree that they both don't like it when people arent treated correctly. or aren't paid the amount they should."
your heart warmed at how sweet the two boys were. they were so considerate and kind, it was really heart warming to know there were people still like that.
"oh, i'm glad that they're equal minded. you all seem equal minded and open." he nodded in agreement to your words, an appreciative smile on his lips. you finished your ice cream and stood up to find a nearby trash can to throw the cup away.
"wait, i have another question, don't go yet," he said hurriedly, like he was afraid you were going to leave him at the park. his hand shot out to your wrist, holding you still.
a short chuckle left your lips, "tae, chill. I'm just going to throw this out."
he stared at you for a moment, "you promise?" the tone of seriousness laced in his voice was a bit alarming but you brushed it off. "yes, tae, i promise." he finally let you go, nodding slowly. as you walked to the nearby trashcan you could feel his eyes trail after you.
so when you joined his side, he clasped his hands with yours. "i'm sorry, just feeling a little stressed right now." he emphasized the word 'stressed' and you nodded. remembering on his file, it said too much stress could lead to an episode of his. you held his hand equally as tight, looking at him with a soft smile.
"i'm not gonna ask wh-"
"i thought you were going to leave me here," he said with a ragged breath, "it's a little thing, but i got worried, sorry. i get worried easily."
you nodded in understanding, waving your hand dismissively, "don't apologize. what were you wanting to ask earlier?" your thumb rubbed against the back of his hand and you didn't know how thankful he was for your touch. his worries were dying down already, positively because of your prescence and touch. if he was at home alone, he would've snapped already. you really were a blessing to have. it was a shame he had to share you.
"have you had any other jobs before this one?"
"yes, i did." you answered openly. "i was offered to be a translator for an american company stationed here. they needed a translator, but the way i was treated there made me quit. besides, that place had shut down a few weeks later, so i guess i got really lucky. after that i applied for a job at the nursing home. occasionally, i had side jobs to care for those with mental disorders and such."
he nodded along, already knowing that information. in fact, he felt he knew it too well. he remembered when jin had conveyed that message to him. he snapped that day when he heard you were being mistreated. he was also the one who wanted you to come and join them instead, encouraging the others to send that letter to you.
"i see, well the job must've sucked anyway." he said, beginning to lighten the mood. "we're happy we have you though. you're not the only grateful one~"
his comments made you smile, forgetting about what you were previously talking about.
"why are you so curious anyway?"
he lifted an eyebrow, pouting a bit, "can't be curious about our sweet little maid." your nose scrunched at the comment, not sure if it was a negative or positive.
"i mean, i guess you're right. curiosity did kill the cat though," you winked playfully, chuckling alongside him.
"however, i am satisfied with those answers." he smirked back, taking a bite out of his cone. as he chewed his phone began to ring. his hands were full however, one of his hands holding his cone, the other holding yours. his grip on your hand tightened a bit, telling you he didn't want to let go.
he nodded, saying it was alright to check his phone. so, hesitantly however, you grabbed his phone and your expression eased when you read the name.
'jungkookie'
"its jungkook."
"oh just answer it," he nods once again, "what does he need now?"
you swiped on the screen if his phone, putting it on speaker so taehyung could talk.
"what do you need kookie?" he spoke casually, biting off another piece of cone.
"i-i need you to come get me, please. i-can't b-breathe."
taehyung was more on guard now, getting up and biting down the last of the ice cream cone. "we gotta go back to the university. quickly." you swallowed harshly, getting up and starting the car. taehyung got in after you, calmly (surprisingly) speaking to jungkook on the other end.
"hey, kook, listen to me. i know it feels suffocating, but listen to me okay," heavy breathing was heard on the other end, "y/n is here, okay? she's here. she is here."
you glanced at taehyung questionably, wondering why it mattered whether or not you were, in fact, here.
"y-y-y/n?" his voice was shaky, hiccupping heard afterwords. "yo-you're there?" a strong wheeze was heard after that. it encouraged you to really race through the streets, no matter how close it was. he needed someone, now.
"yeah, i'm here. where are you jungkook? me and tae are gonna get you, okay? focus for a moment and tell us where you are." your words were rushed and you were afraid he wouldnt be able to comprehend what you were saying.
"eas-east building, floor-r 1, right by econ."
you shut your door, loud enough for a lot of people to stare in confusion. taehyung led you to the building and inside to where jungkook said he was.
you saw the younger boy, knees to his chest, tears streaming down his face, the hand clenching his phone so tightly you swore you almost saw a crack forming.
"kook!" taehyung called out, rushing to kneel by his younger friend's side. "you're okay. i got you, i got you."
➣jeon jeongguk
21 years old. medium dark brown hair(wings/ynwa era). takes singing and dancing seriously, passionate about both activities. has terrible anxiety, but still is able to attract all the girls on campus with his seemingly innocent and boyish look. however, jungkook only has his eyes on one girl.
jungkook shook his head 'no,' pushing past him to stumble to his legs. he got up and ran into your arms, sobbing into your shoulder. his grip was tight around you, like he never wished to let go. softly, you could hear your name being muttered over and over. his body shook, the wetness of his tears soaking through your shirt's fabric.
"hey. it's alright, i'm here. i'm here, it's okay."
his body shook even more violently with his sobs, squeezing you even tighter. "do-don't go, st-stay."
"i'm not going anywhere. hey, breathe in and out with me, okay?" you didn't care about your surroundings and brought you two down to the ground. "look at me, listen to me."
he did as told, staring at you with his red, doe eyes. when you made sure he was paying attention, you took in deep breaths for him to mimic. his eyes stayed on your lips, following after you. although he did have hiccups in between some breaths, he managed to steady himself.
taehyung, slightly jealous, stayed silent. jungkook was wrapped in your arms, head resting in the crook of your neck. you looked at taehyung, nodding to him, saying he should go to his class now before he misses it. he hesitantly leaves, waving bye to you as you try to comfort jungkook more.
from your experience with past patients and by what recently happened, you could assume jungkook had a panic attack. you shuffled both of you over to sit on the couch which was in the corner of the room. students had poured into the building, following their schedule. some paid no mind as others didn't bother hiding their stare. even when his sniffles were gone and the tears were long gone, he was still holding tightly onto you. his arm wrapped around your own, making him look like a lost child.
suddenly, there was a man that walked up to you two. "hey, is mr. jeon doing alright?"
with the way he held himself, his speech, and his clothing, you could only think that he was the dean of their school. "yes, he should be alright, now." he nodded and looked at the cowering jungkook.
"jungkook, you can take the day off if you would like. some students were telling me this episode was worse than the ones before." you turned to jungkook, asking if he would like going home. he nods, pushing himself closer to you.
"if it's alright, jungkookie would like to leave with noona," he says in a quiet voice. the dean nods, holding his hand for you to shake which you do briefly. he leaves the building and you turn to jungkook with a soft smile.
"if you have everything on you now, we can go home." speaking softly, you gently squeeze his hand. ever since he had calmed down, he seemed to be a bit aloof. you weren't going to question it, assuming he was just really coming back and calming down.
so you picked the backpack up for him, guiding the straps to his shoulders and walked hand-in-hand with him to the car. you opened his door for him, reminding him to put his seat belt on before you entered through your side of the car.
"noona," his quiet voice started, "jungkookie is sorry for causing trouble. i-i was just really anxious and ever-rything felt too close." there was a tremble in his tone and you shook your head in objection to his apologies.
"hey, you don't need to apologise, there should be no need for you to apologize for something you couldn't control. and don't even call it trouble, you caused me no trouble," although your eyes were trained on the road, the smile on your lips was directed to him.
jungkook chewed on his lip, watching your soft expression. he felt like there were butterflies in his stomach from the sweet, kind smile on your face. he had only dreamt of seeing it up close and have it directed to him before.
"noona, jungkookie thinks you're sooo pretty! this pretty!" he blurted, stretching his arms wide open, almost hitting you with his palm.
you flinched slightly at the sudden outburst, stopping at the red light and taking your time to inspect him. "jungkook, you alright?"
"jungkookie is okay now! now that noona is here! and she's sharing all of her happiness and smiles, so of course jungkookie okay."
his tone, which was lighter and higher than usual, his words, speaking in third person, his sudden switch in action - he had changed to an alter of his. why had it taken you so long to figure that much out? it said on his file he had DID, why couldn't you piece two aand two together?
you also read that same night when you were researching their own disorders, people switch alters or heads when they might be feeling temendously anxious or they were triggered to. some people with DID find it to be a protecting or shielding mechanism. what exactly happened at school with jungkook today?
"well, jungkookie," you started slowly. he had nodded eagerly, loving the sound of his name falling off of your lips.
"yes noona?" you swear, there were hearts twirling around his head as stars filled his eyes.
"how about i drop you off at home, we can watch some shows, and then we can go pick up the two others together?"
"hmm," he hummed thoughtfully, lower lip jutted out, "jungkookie is a little tired. but maybe if i take a nappy, i can be okay!"
the cheerful and childish response made you smile in relief. who knows maybe it would be better if jungkook stayed home when you went to pick up the boys. so you parked the car in their driveway, bouncing over to open jungkook's door for him.
you unlocked the house door with your own key and the ones inside the house immediately padded over.
"the dean called. said jungkookie had a panic attack and was excused from class. he isn't hurt is he?" you shook your head silently, watching the 3 boys, minus yoongi (he was watching carefully from the sidelines though), was inspecting jungkook, asking him all kinds of questions.
"he isn't hurt," you answered for them, "but he changed alters."
there was a silent pause between everyone, except jungkook who was thumping his foot against the floor. "hyungs! can i take y/n upstairs so we can play with my games?" he had bounced around jin's wheel chair, an excited smile on his face.
"hold on a second bunny, why don't you set up while we talk to y/n here?" the youngest settled for that idea, running up the stairs. when all of them made sure it was clear, they heaved a sigh of relief.
"jungkook in his headspace is usually really in control, so i hope he didn't cause too much trouble for you," jin said with an apologetic smile.
"no he was perfectly fine. it just shocked me a bit, i didn't expect to see jungkook in his little mind space for a while." namjoon leaned over, lowering his voice in safety so jungkook could hear, "it means he trusts you enough to become a little."
the rest of them nodded, agreeing with namjoon. they were about to say something when your phone started vibrating. jimin was calling.
"hello-"
"5th avenue, the corner of that street, right in front of the McDonald's! come quick!!"
it became obvious they needed a ride so you hung up, turning back to the boys.
"he'll be okay with me gone, right?"
they shared a glance before nodding, urging you to get the rest of the boys. so you left, going to the address jimin said in his quick message.
little did you know that while you were gone, jungkook would only get more stubborn and whiney, as the eldest hyungs had to deal with their giant man-baby who had been repeatedly yelling your name after finding out you had left. surprisingly he wasn't crying, just stomping his feet out of frustration.
it didn't matter to jin, the headache he felt was the same from the continuous cry of your name. let's just hope you don't come back home to see how terrible they were at controlling a little jungkook.
YO this chapter literally has double the words than it does with hyung line....I feel bad but i swear i dont have a preference for either line!!
anyway, I apologize for any mistakes and just a side note - its undecided what Jungkook's little age is but I'm gonna range it from 3-5 or smth like that.........(he does have other personalities/ alters - they just haven't been triggered yet 👀)
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thatmiddle · 4 years ago
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Top 10 Albums that Shaped my Existence
How do I put this lightly, I believe listening to music matters as much as breathing. I know that is hyperbolic, but I don’t care. It can fuel your soul in a similar way that air fuels your body to move. It brings to life moments, places, and people. That’s probably why if you listen closely music is everywhere. It’s in the steel drums at Union subway station or the clarinet player at Yonge and Dundas Square. It’s is found from a broken guitar with unclipped strings in Kensington Market to a radio blasting out of an open window. It’s heard from the lake on a cool breezy summer night. It’s made by the leaves in the trees and the creatures roaming its branches. Music is inescapable.
Music is also a lot cheaper than therapy and for most, it is incredibly accessible. In saying that I do not mean to conflate therapy to music, but I do think there is a healing power to songs. This form of artistic expression has been with me during my brightest minutes and my darkest hours. I have relied on it like Aladdin did his magic carpet; it lift me up and took me to places I never thought I’d ever go. All I have to do was turn it on, tune in and drop out, as some would say.
During this pandemic I have leaned heavily into music, it is the perfect socially distanced escape. During this time that I have also gone back to old albums and reflected on how they influenced me and shape who I am today.
In Rainbows - Radiohead
If I had owned this album in an analogue form I would have destroyed it by overplaying it in my Discman. Radiohead is a wonderful band that have made wonderful albums but for some reason, this is the particular one I return to. To me, In Rainbows is the music I heard when I realized that I wanted to take my life in a different more creative direction than that of my peers. In Rainbows is the album I heard on carpool rides to Shakespeare Camp as a young girl. In Rainbows is what played in my head the first time I walked into Kensington Market as a young naive suburban girl. The music is so diverse with its sound but creates a distinctly modern tone. I find the music runs like a stream and cascades into fountains of sound I never expected. All the songs are beautiful but my favourite from the album has always been House of Cards.
Brothers - The Black Keys
If In Rainbows was an early marker of my youth, Brothers by The Black Keys established my teenage self and heavily moulded how I carried myself into my early twenties. With the raunchy guitar, hard drums and vocals somewhere between garage rock and blues, this album stimulated every part of my life. It is one of those albums that upon listening to the first fifteen seconds of the opening track Everlasting Light, I am immediately taken back to driving around in Toronto suburbs and getting into trouble. This album started my ongoing obsession with The Black Keys. Fun fact I named my first Tumblr blog off of a misreading a song lyric in the track The Only One, which also happens to be one of my favourite tracks on the album. I’ve tried to see The Black Keys live twice and both times I was unable to attend the concert. One day I will see them.
Revolver - The Beatles
There are a lot of Beatles albums I love and I wouldn’t say this is my favourite of theirs, but it is I would argue its one of their more underrated albums. From what I have gathered about Beatles fans (having been one since I was six years old), this choice isn’t mutually exclusive. It does however seem that established fans love either Rubber Soul or Revolver. For me, I choose the latter. This album is very experimental for the band as they were still coming out of their admired boy band era. I came to this album as a young girl whenever I played with my toys in the living room of my childhood home. I always heard a Beatles album playing in the background and when Revolver came on I was elated. My toys went on new adventures, met new people and told new stories. The Beatles have always brought out the creativity in me and I’m very grateful for that. Check out the song I’m Only Sleeping, it’s so meditative and my most replayed track.
Man on the Moon: The End of Day - Kid Cudi
I wasn’t in a good place when I was fortunate enough to be introduced to this album as being a teenager can be an incredibly difficult experience. Yet upon hearing this album I was pleasantly surprised, I never expected to find that catharsis in a young American rapper named Kid Cudi. I always liked some rap and hip-hip songs (don’t ever get me started on the importance of Sean Paul), but foolishly enough I never gave a full album or artist the chance. Man on the Moon found me at the right moment. This album’s production is so complex and crosses genres in ways I never expected; it leaves me wanting more every time. Kid Cudi hip-hop is different, Kid Cudi hip-hop goes deep and feels it. While Day ‘N’ Nite is one of the most recognizable songs on the album don’t sleep on Heart of a Lion, it’s beautiful.
For Emma, Forever Ago - Bon Iver
Like many teens in the mid-2000s, I made a Tumblr account. It was a great place filled with hormone-induced rage posts, images of skinny girls ripped from the website We Heart It, and boundless creativity. As a previous webpage creator hailing from the Geocities days, site creation was not new to me. I took up a URL and got to work. During this time I leaned deeper into the ‘indie girl’ aesthetic, which is where I found Bon Iver. Bon Iver’s music is soft and melodic and his guitar strums could whisk you away on a cloud. For Emma, Forever Ago was the soundtrack to the version of me who longed for combat boots, a-line skirts from American Apparel, and a cute hipster boyfriend to take me away from all my problems. I never got everything I wanted, but I was always able to sit in deep thought and listen to this album and for that, I’m incredibly grateful. The Wolves (Act I and II) is one of my favourite tracks off the album, I love the crescendo towards the end of the song it makes me want to release any bad feelings I have through some strong movement.
Is this it - The Strokes
I don’t remember when I first heard this album, I just know it was an unofficial anthem to my early twenties. Was it playing at that frat party? Or maybe it was at the live show in that bar one time. Is This It is the perfect album for starting out in a new place with dreams and about $20 to your name. This album is made for people entering young adulthood making mistakes and living for the moment. Garage rock is such an underrated genre, but perhaps that’s the suburban girl in me speaking. I want to dance every time I hear a track of this perfectly crafted experience. I hear those guitar riffs and I am taken back to running through Toronto at midnight with friends. Is This It is unapologetic and an outstanding debut album for The Strokes and cemented their status as indie rock legends, I don’t care what anyone says. There are a lot of amazing songs to recommend but I will try and spice things up. Last Nite and the title track Is This It are obvious choices but the bop you need to listen to is Someday.
Wish you were here - Pink Floyd
Everyone has to listen to Pink Floyd in university otherwise they never went…right? Pink Floyd always felt like a right of passage that I would eventually reach although I did cheat and wear a Dark Side of The Moon cropped t-shirt I got from HMV in high school just to seem cool. It wasn’t until first-year university I fell in love with the song Wish You Were Here. I’m sure I was just feeling nostalgic after moving out of my suburban bubble and into the big city for the first time. Nevertheless, after annoying my new roommates by listening to that song on repeat in my bedroom I decided to give the rest of the album a shot and immediately fell in l love. It is a short ride but an emotional journey. I thought I had felt everything I needed to feel at 21, then I heard Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Pts 1-5). If you were living under a rock and haven’t heard this album I recommend it. And do check out that track.
good kid m.A.A.d city - Kendrick Lamar
Swimming Pools was everywhere in 2012, it was synonymous with the nightlife which was surprising given its lyrics. Good kid MAAD city takes the ideas explored in Swimming Pools and expands them into a full universe. As soon as I turned on the first song I felt like I had been lifted from my cold Canadian home and into the chaotic Compton of Kendrick Lamar’s universe. This concept album has such depth I feel I learnt more than I would have ever expected. I love the way the album weaves recorded scenes with various characters and the music, it creates such a vivid picture as you listen through the whole piece. I felt deep sympathy towards the struggles told on the record in ways I never thought I would. Good kid m.A.A.d city is a great ride from start to finish without ever skipping a single track, but if you had to speed up to a gem I highly recommend the track Money Trees.
channel Orange - Frank Ocean
I was originally introduced to Frank Ocean through his work with Odd Future or as I proudly scribbled everywhere, OFWGKTA. Frank Ocean was always the quiet R&B guy from the group that I never thought I would have known much about but early 2013 rolled around all that changed. An old friend of mine had pointed me in the direction of new work by the musician and I ran towards the sound immediately. Frank’s voice is mesmerizing and he mixes sounds in ways I would never expect. His lyrics are dark and deep. This album got me through a lot of mixed emotions I started to experience as I worked my way through my undergrad. Frank understood what it meant to feel and I connected deeply with that. Pink Matter was the soundtrack to my life, I listened to it on repeat doing just about every task I could imagine.
House of Balloons - The Weeknd
I remember Toronto the year that The Weeknd released his first mixtapes. He was just an enigma floating through the city, no one could pin him down. I am one hundred percent one of the people who got their hands on the YouTube videos early and saved them immediately to my accounts. I wanted more and I didn’t know why. He captured a sound that still exists here today, it was dark and full of mystery. As soon as I got my hands on the first mixtape I popped that baby into my iPod and played it so much practically the full album made it to my ‘Top 25 Playlist’ on the device. I am obsessed with The Weeknd’s voice and as someone from Etobicoke, I am even more obsessed with the fact that he’s from Scarborough. He sounds like home to me and I will never be able to let that go. When I play this album (which is at least once every year I’ll have you know), I feel sure about who I am and where I come from. It’s not an explicit attitude to being from Toronto, but rather a feeling that you can carry throughout everything you do. The Weeknd carries that on a world stage and I am proud to say he is a Toronto native. Every song on the album is amazing and I say listen to them all, but do make sure you pay special attention to Loft Music. Nothing spells nightlife in Toronto more than at least one party in a condo or loft by Lake Ontario. I was actually asked to go to a late-night loft party by a random man at a Chinese restaurant one time so I can vouch for this happening in the city. Clearly, Abel knew what he was talking about.
Music is one of the most important things in my life. It is like a fuel I use to keep my motor moving. I find it anywhere and everywhere. I rely on it so much it has been the godsend I didn’t realize I needed during a pandemic. I think I am starting to understand why movies from the 1930s were so much about escapism; drifting off into another world during a difficult time can feel like magic.
What are 10 albums that shaped who you are? Let me know in the comments.
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queen-of-deans-booty · 5 years ago
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The End: Final Part
Pairing: Dean x Reader
Word Count: 2,062
Warnings: typical supernatural violence, language, angst, blood, you know the usual, minor talk of physical abuse but it’s so minor like just a sentence but yeah
Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!
Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.
Tags at the bottom
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“What really made me say yes?” you asked 2014!Dean as you rode shotgun in his car while Dean rode in 2014!Castiel’s car.
“What?”
“What made me say yes to Amara? I wouldn’t have done it impulsively so why did I say yes? What did you do?”
“What makes you think I did something?”
“Don’t bullshit me. You know I know you better than you know yourself. You know I would never say yes to someone like her unless it was the last possible resort. So, what did you do?”
“I pushed you away,” he said after a pause. “After Sam left, I guess the stress was too much for us.”
“You’ve pushed me away before. What changed?” you asked.
2014!Dean shook his head as he refused to talk about the worst night of his life. The night where he laid a hand on you and it wasn’t anything positive. That’s the night 2014!you knew you had lost Dean for good.
“Glad to know that this hasn’t changed,” you sighed.
“What hasn’t?”
“Your ability to force things down because you can’t bear the thought of talking about it. It’s one of the many things I never liked about you.”
“When you go back, force him. Force him to talk about these things because if he sees the fear in your eyes as I did when you looked at me, he’s never going to forgive himself. Make him realize that you’re not going anywhere.”
“I will,” you whispered, glad to know that he wasn’t yelling at you anymore.
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2014!Dean, 2014!Castiel, Risa, you, Dean, and some other soldiers walked with rifles ready to use at any given moment. The building in which 2014!Dean claims Lucifer was in stood a few yards away from you. It was a battlefield, and while there are no Croats around, there are sure to be some inside.
“There. Second-floor window. We go in there.”
“You sure about this?” Risa asked.
“They'll never see us coming. Trust me. Now, weapons check. We're on the move in five.”
“Hey, uh, me. Can I talk to you for a sec?” Dean asked his double before taking him to the side. Looking at the group, you thought it was best to follow them and talk with them. “Tell me what's going on.”
“What?”
“I know you. You're lying to these people and to us.”
“Is that so?” 2014!Dean scoffed.
“Yeah. See, I know your lying expressions and Y/N knows them too. I've seen them in the mirror. Now, there's something you're not telling us.”
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
“Oh, really? Well, I don't seem to be the only member of your posse with some questions, so, uh, maybe I'll just take my doubts over to them,” Dean said as he baited his future self.
“Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait,” 2014!Dean sighed. “Take a look around you, man. This place should be white-hot with Croats. Where are they?”
“They cleared a path for us. Which means that this is—”
“A trap,” you finished with a sigh.
“Well, then we can't go through the front.”
“Oh, we're not. They are. They're the decoys. You, me and Y/N are going in through the back.”
“You mean you're gonna feed your friends into a meat grinder? Castiel, too? You want to use their deaths as a diversion?” you gasped as he looked away shamefully.
“Oh, man, something is broken in you. You're making decisions that I would never make. I wouldn't sacrifice my friends,” Dean judged.
“You're right. You wouldn't. It's one of the main reasons we're in this mess, actually.”
“These people count on you. They trust you.”
“They trust me to kill the devil and to save the world and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.”
“No. Not like this, you're not. I'm not gonna let you.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah,” Dean nodded. 
Before either of you saw it coming, 2014!Dean slugged his past self before grabbing your throat. Your eyes shone blue to fight him, but he puled out a small device and slammed it into the skin on your neck. Electric compulsions throbbed through your body which was enough of a distraction. The blue in your eyes faded until you laid limp against future Dean’s body as he picked you up and dragged you to the back of the house.
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“Why are you doing this?” you strained to get out. 2014!you grinned as she gripped your throat tighter as Lucifer pressed his foot harder on 2014!Dean’s neck.
“I told you before. I had great plans and I needed the magic running through your veins.”
“You killed… my dad,” you choked.
“I did,” she grinned evilly. “And I made you watch as I burned your life to hell.”
“I would never let you in,” you gasped as you saw Dean rounded the corner. Lucifer stepped on 2014!Dean’s neck, breaking it and killing him. He froze as he watched 2014!you have you in a death grip and Lucifer kill his future self. Lucifer smirked at the two yous before turning around and smiling at Dean.
“Oh. Hell, Dean. Aren't you a surprise. You've come a long way to see this, haven't you?”
“Well, go ahead. Kill me.”
“Kill you?” he asked as he made a point to look at the corpse of 2014!Dean. “Don't you think that would be a little... redundant? I'm sorry. It must be painful, speaking to me in this—shape. But it had to be your brother. It had to be. Y/N had to be Amara. It all fits nicely in the puzzle of life.”
“Leave him alone,” you gasped as your magic couldn’t overpower 2014!yours.
“You don't have to be afraid of me, Dean. What do you think I'm going to do?”
“I don't know. Maybe deep-fry the planet?”
“Why?” Lucifer asked as he examined a perfectly red rose before turning away. “Why would I want to destroy this stunning thing? Beautiful in a trillion different ways. The last perfect handiwork of God. You ever hear the story of how I fell from grace?”
“Oh, good God, you're not gonna tell me a bedtime story, are you? My stomach's almost out of bile,” Dean rolled his eyes but kept his focus on you.
“Amara let her go. She won’t try anything,” Lucifer smiled. The grip on your throat loosened, and you fell to the ground in a heap of coughs.
“You know why God cast me down? Because I loved him. More than anything. And then God created,” Lucifer smirks, “you. The little... hairless apes. Then he asked all of us to bow down before you—to love you, more than him. And I said, ‘Father, I can't.’ I said, ‘These human beings are flawed, murderous’. For that, God had Michael cast me into hell. Now, tell me, does the punishment fit the crime? Especially, when I was right? Look at what six billion of you have done to this thing, and how many of you blame me for it.”
“You're not fooling me, you know that? With this sympathy-for-the-devil crap. I know what you are.”
“What am I?”
“You're the same thing, only bigger. The same brand of cockroach I've been squashing my whole life. An ugly, evil, belly-to-the-ground, supernatural piece of crap. The only difference between them and you is the size of your ego,” Dean glared. Now that Amara didn’t have you in her death grip, your eyes started to shine blue for the fight you were about to cause, but Amara put her hands on your shoulders to let you know whose powers were more powerful.
“Don’t try anything stupid. I’ll turn you to dust before you could can even breathe,” she whispered.
“I would never say no to you.”
“But you did.”
“You better kill me now. Or I swear, I will find a way to kill you, and I won't stop,” Dean threatened loudly which brought your attention back to the two men.
“I know you won't. I know you won't say yes to Michael, either. And I know you won't kill Sam. Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up—here. I win. So, I win.”
“You're wrong.”
“See you in five years, Dean,” Lucifer grinned before thunder and lightning sounded. One moment he and Amara were there, and the next they were gone. Dean rushed to you before Zachariah appeared and brought you back to your own timeline with the touch of two fingers. Gone was the garden with the single red rose and replacing it was the dingy motel room you fell asleep in last night.
“Oh, well, if it isn't the ghost of Christmas screw you,” Dean glared.
“Enough. Dean, enough. You saw it, right? You saw what happens. You're the only person who can prove the devil wrong. Just say yes.”
“Why was I brought along? Moral support?” you groaned at the throbbing sensation in your head.
“You had a role to play, and I needed you to see that Amara is a big joke.”
“Then why was she real?”
“I’m showing you that the person you’re going to say yes to isn’t Amara. Whoever is feeding you lies is going to mean trouble for you.”
“How do we know that this whole thing isn't one of your tricks? Huh? Some angel hocus-pocus?”
“The time for tricks is over. Give yourself to Michael. Say yes, and we can strike before Lucifer gets to Sam. Before billions die,” Zach tried his hardest to convince Dean to say yes. 
The eldest Winchester looked into your eyes, and you knew exactly what he was thinking. If this little trip of yours taught you anything, it wasn’t to say yes to Michael.
“Nah.”
“'Nah'? You’re telling me you haven't learned your lesson?” Zachariah gasped.
“Oh, I've learned a lesson, alright. Just not the one you wanted to teach.”
“Well, I'll just have to teach it again! Because I got you now, boy, and I'm never letting you—” 
The next second you were gone from your motel room and on the side of the road where Castiel stood. As soon as you laid eyes on him, your heart filled with joy since it was your Castiel.
“That's pretty nice timing, Cas.”
“We had an appointment.”
“Don’t ever change,” you said as you hugged the Angel. All he could do is smirk and wait for you to pull away before he could speak again.
“How did Zachariah find you two?”
“Long story. Let's just stay away from Jehovah's Witnesses from now on, okay?” Dean asked as he pulled out his cell phone and began dialing a number—but not just any number.
“What are you doing?”
“Something I should have done in the first place.”
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“He’s late,” Dean sighed.
“He’s going to show. His big brother wants him back. He’s going to show,” you said as you both heard a rumble of a car. Turning to face the direction of the noise, you saw an older beat-up car drive slowly to you and Dean before parking. The tall Winchester unfolded from the tiny car before slowly approaching you and his brother.
“Sam,” Dean said as he pulled out Ruby’s knife from his jacket pocket. Sam looked at it nervously before Dean turned it around to that the handle was facing the younger brother. “If you're serious and you want back in... you should hang on to this. I'm sure you're rusty.” Sam reluctantly took the knife and a collective sigh traveled between the three people. “Look, man, I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm...whatever I need to be. But I was, uh—wrong.”
“What made you change your mind?” Sam asked as he finally met his brother’s eyes.
“Long story,” you groaned.
“The point is... maybe we are each other's Achilles heel. Maybe they'll find a way to use us three against each other, I don't know. I just know the three of us? We’re all we've got. More than that. We keep each other human.”
“Thank you. Really. Thank you. I won't let you down.”
“Oh, I know it. I mean, you are the second-best hunter on the planet,” Dean smirked.
“So, what do we do now?” Sam asked.
“We make our own future,” you answered for Dean.
“Guess we have no choice.”
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kanashierihime · 5 years ago
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English fanfiction to come
When you have too many ideas and you want to write them down even if it takes years to do it 😂.
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Short abc of stories below. Help me decide priority of writing 😊
AoKuro (Kuroko No Basket)
Regrets (One shot) - Warning: Major Character Death. Kuroko remembers Middle School, his young love and the world of empty sympathy that stole his love away. 
 Can We Still Be Friends (Around 8 chapters not sure)- Warning: Depression, suicidal thought - Kuroko and Aomine didn’t see each other for two years after being thrown away from the team of Miracles . Everything change when while doing his shopping he spots Aomine’s mother who asks him if he maybe could visit her son in the mental hospital. 
Wish (4 chapters) -  Aomine was bored. Everything was boring. New team, new rivals. Boredom created his life, till one day he wakes up from his nap in a cat body. Just what the hell?! 
Chrisawa (Daiya No A) 
You Get My Love  (around 10 chapters not sure) Warning: Depression, Homophobia, yips - Sawamura tries hard to blend into a team, but everyone just reminds him that he isn’t needed. The only person that actually cares about him is his mentor- Chris. He still loud and stubborn to be an ace, but then yips happened and he just couldn’t win over this. So he goes back to Nagano feeling worse than ever. He failed everyone. But surprisingly his mentor still visits him making Sawamura’s heart do some weird backflips. 
Forget ur books (4 chapters).  Sawamura was cursed as a child for disrespecting minor god. Now every time he read book he can make it real around him. So his family reminds him to read in a closed house to not affect the city in this weird magic. But one day while Sawamura is reading some of the history book no one noticed that one of the windows is open, turning the city into a place where nothing is normal. Especially not these warriors with swords ready to cut anyone in their way. 
Mirror (2 chapters) Warning: Cheating, coming out. Chris is working a doctor busy with his carrier. He has a wife but their marriage isn’t happy.  But then one day to his clinic came a young boy (who wasn’t so young) who made his heart skip a bit with his smile and nice words. 
BakuDeku (Boku No Hero Academia) 
(Don’t comment how most of these fics have P!nk song as a title, her song are just A+ okay? xD)
Trapped Mind (5 chapters) Warning: Angst, Hurt, Addiction to drug, alcohol, sex, depression, suicidal attempt, memory lost.  Izuku fell into his own trap of being a perfect hero. Katsuki not wanting to see his friends being judged to death by being just human that can make mistakes, decide to play the bad guy and till Izuku won’t get his memories back. But this task is far harder than any mission he did so far. Being hated by everyone left him trapped in a dead-end. 
Who Am I (5 chapters) Warning: Toxic parental love, Memory lost, bullying, depression.  Izuku moves to USA as a child after his accident where he loses half of his right leg. His mother is warry of everyone in his surroundings, she doesn’t want him to go back to Japan and meet with a person she blames of being responsible for his accident. But Izuku is having enough of being trapped in her arms and want to find out who he is, who he was before his mother decided to create him as a weak man.
90 Days (4 chapters?) Warning: angst. Izuku always wanted to repair his friendship with Katsuki. Wanted to laugh with him, study, going out. But reality showed that it’s not possible. Katsuki found new friends, people he likes to hang out. Their second year in UA and Katsuki b-day was the last straw to kill his heart. Seeing his friend laughing with their classmates, not being bothered by all these hugs and photos. Izuku runs away to his dorm room to cry his eyes out. And decides to go over Kacchan by the end of 90 days.
Walk Me Home (6 chapters) Izuku has autism that prevents him from having normal life. His only friend is Katsuki who seems enoying spending his time with Deku. But hearing his mom talking to his dad about her fears of him not being able to function without their help, to even find a job since meeting with people often ends with him having a panic attack. He wants to change, he wants to show his mom and Katsuki that he can be a proper part of society. But for that, he needs Kacchan help. 
Secrets (10 chapters) Warning: Child abuse, Angst, pedophilia. Deku is a vocalist in Katsuki band with Kaminari, Tokoyami, Awase. Deku is the only person who can deal with Katsuki moods and can sing the song their drummer creates. Fans and media have their fun wondering what is the relationship between them. Deku also wonders what is his relationship with Kacchan and why he can’t sing his own songs. 
Happy (around 10 chapters) Warning: Soulmate, angst, depression. Izuku loves heroes even tho he wasn’t born with a quirk, but he don’t have time to dream since his family life isn’t so happy. His dad found his true soulmate and his mom lost her mind over broken heart since for her his dad was her soulmate. Izuku from his young days must watch out for his mom, and every day he prays to not find her dead when he returns home.  Even meeting All Might didn’t make him eager to focus in hero path. He refuse All Might to be a hero, he doesn’t have time and his mom would go crazy if he would left her side. Wanting to save Kacchan was just a short thought of ending his misery. But somehow Deku ends up in UA in GE curse. And soon he finds up that his Soulmate is Kirishima. He feels how his body is changing because of it thing he doesn’t realize that Katsuki isn’t happy to find out.
Silent Scream (5 chapters) Warnings: Bullying. Izuku has troubles with speaking, so his parents showed him sign langue which find out more fun and enjoyable. But soon fun times ends when he ends up with the same kindergarten as Katsuki who wants to make him speak no matter what.  Everything goes in the far worse direction the moment when Katsuki gets his quirk. Not being able to control his new ability he goes too far with the explosion that made Izuku lose his hearing in the left ear.  (okay so it;s “A Silent Voice” but in MHA AU xD) 
Hurt 2b Human (DUNNO) Warning: angst, war, A/B/O, death. They say that Alpha ones are people that were blessed by gods. Omega were fruits of sweet desire for happiness. Katsuki was an Alpha. Japanese Solider who gonna die in Death Chamber any moment. No one knows why Japan lost the war. The only thing he knows that Russia won and now he gonna die.  Or maybe there is a hope? 
Timebomb (12 chapters) Fantasy AU. Katsuki and Deku fights with the evil mistresses who seeing that she can lose to them decide to split them apart and send Izuku to a different dimension. Katsuki roar with the grief of losing his mate. He captures his enemy to only learn that she can't bring him back. There is no way he gonna see his Deku again. But he can’t give up. He asks Uraraka for help and she creates a necklace to send him to other worlds, tho it will be random... So there he is going through 10 worlds to find his mate and return home with him. 
Dream of the Death ( 5 chapters)  Warning: major character death. Katsuki has few regrets in life. The biggest is telling his friend to kill himself.  But then by villain attack he is sent to the past where Izuku is alive. Soon he realizes that whatever he says to Izuku doesn’t go through. So he changes his tacting and go to his younger self and please him to save Izuku. 
Bonus story: Ten Times where Izuku got hit by quirk and made Katsuki ask himself of his sexuality (10 chapters) 
Haikyuu!!
Different way of love (3 chapters) Warning: Angst, Homophobia, depression, suicide, dealing with lose.  Kuroo thinks he has nice life. Good friends, a lovely boyfriend, and a dog. Nothing to complain. Till in Sawamura’s life show up his first love and things go not the way Kuroo thought it would.  Sawamura is dealing with depression, love issues, and past that can't be really forgotten. Life isn’t an easy mission.
Neko Love (4 chapters) Warning: Abuse.  Yokai had it enough of being ruled by weak humans. They started a revolution against them and won. Now people are their slaves and taste how yokais felt when humans bullied them for ages. Kuroo is a nekomata. He loves living in Sawamura household. He supposed to leave or rule over his past masters but he can’t find a strength to abuse his young master.
Tengu’s Book (6 chapters) Warning: abuse. Kuroo has the worst luck in the world. He was born with these strange powers and thanks to them he can see yokais. Not very pleasant thing to see. People usually are wary of him and are afraid of his weird looks and muttering.  Kuroo is used to being alone. Till one day he meets a tengu who gives him an offer. He gonna be his bodyguard for finding his wings. What can go wrong?
Dragon’s Heart (5 chapters) Warning: Slight angst. Fantasy AU. Iwaizumi is a dragon rider but the thing is, he seems to not being able to bond with his dragon so after his school is destroyed by Demons he searches for beasts master Sawamura who was cursed by Demons to be able to talk with monsters and was thrown from society. Their meeting is awkward. Sawamura can’t really speak human langue since humans usually avoid him and Iwaizumi can’t deal with his responsibilities as a warrior. 
Your Heartbeats (one shot) part of my Soulmate AU. Warning: Homophobia. Kuroo meets Bokuto in middle school and for the first time in his short life can feel his heartbeat. Bokuto was looking at him with the same confusion and happiness. All good vibes ended five minutes later when another player commented on how gross they were and should cure this. But does being in love is a really bad thing? Even if it between the same gender? 
Let me be drunk for now (5 chapters) Publish AU created by @bringmemyqueen  I like this idea so I gonna write something in it. Daichi has enough of his work, of people in his work. Why he seems to attract only men? Doesn’t he deserve some nice lady waiting for him at home? So every night he goes to a bar to drink and forget about his coworkers. He doesn’t know that this nice guy who keeps talking to him while drinking his beer is an author who works under Oikawa. But Iwaizumi is nice and his hands are warm when he touches him.
Where is my fun (one shot) Kenma prefers to stay home and play his videogames. It is his day off, so he has plans of not going out all day. But his friend has a different idea and god. Kenma can’t refuse him.
Bad Guy (one shot) It all started as a simple admiration. Watching Sawamura in action gave him chills. Even his old captain didn;t made him feel this way. He wanted to be tamed by this plain captain so he went to Karasuno to just see the object of his obsession, no big plans for it. Then this weird duo was screaming to him to leave their Queen alone and he barely remembered that cute glasses girl he was focused at Karasuno’s Captain that looked at him with such intensity that Terushima wanted to crawl to him and beg for something he never wanted to do before. 
That is freaking long. XD Thank for reading :) 
In MHA I wish i could write for different pairing alone fics but it just didn’t click in with me to try it. I’m still try to figure out some characters so their appearing in my fic won’t be a total disaster. (I’m looking at you Inasa xD)
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chrisevansbabymama · 6 years ago
Text
Call Me
Summary: Vanessa, plus-size protagonist gets ditched by her date after Chris persuades her to give it a chance. 
Disclaimer: I haven’t experienced what the character goes through so there’s so much cognitive dissonance on my part which might come across as ignorant, but please know it’s not intentional or with malice.  Be gentle with me. I hope I do it justice. 
______
“Chris! I’m so nervous, my hand is shaking, literally shaking,” Vanessa shrieked to her best friend, as she got ready.
Her phone was wedged between her ear and shoulder as she strapped on her midi heels.
“You’ll be fine,” Chris laughed on the other line. “You’ve been talking about this guy and how you just click over text and on the phone, it’ll be even better in person. I promise,”
Vanessa heaved a heavy sigh. First dates with anyone were always nerve wrecking. But the added pressure of meeting in person someone that she had met online wasn’t helping. She’d never done this before.
She’d worked with Chris as his assistant for three years, always side by side, as the nature of the job permitted. Not that she would ever complain; he was the loveliest person to work with, funny, endearing and of course good looking. That little crush she had on him never went away, but she also really loved him as a friend to even risk losing him. So she never thought of pursuing him, more so because she believed she wasn’t his type.
What on earth would Chris Evans, with his dating history, be doing with a plus-sized black woman? As ‘woke’ as he was, surely that wasn’t a territory he wanted to venture into, she would muse.
 But to give him due credit, he had been a good friend, his humility, honesty, loyalty and big heart was what she treasured the most. And of course his pretty darn good looks were the oversized cherry on top.
“Okay, if you say so,” she looked at her watch. “I have to go Chris,”
“Okay beautiful, let me know everything! Sneak off to the bathroom and give me updates, if he gets weird, just call me, I’ll be right over,”
Vanessa laughed, “I will, I promise,”
“Oh and Nessa?”
“Mhhh?”
“If you get stuck, have fun tonight, just relax and be you. He’ll love it,”
“Really?” Vanessa asked incredulously, grabbing her bag and turning off the lights.
Chris groaned, “Oh hell yeah, trust me,”
And she would do just that; be herself, and not the first-date version of herself that she often put forward. Everyone had one. But if Chris said it’d work, she believed him. He had a way with women, so of course, he knew what he was talking about.
______
Nessa: how late is too late?
Chris: still not there?
Nessa: He said he’s running late, but that was thirty minutes ago, there’s no update.
Chris: Call him?
Nessa: Voicemail
“Ma’am, would you like order?” The waitress came to Vanessa’s table tucked at the corner, for the third time.
The first time she was offering the menu. The second she had been taking Vanessa’s order of white wine.
“I’m still waiting for my uhh friend,” Vanessa said with a nervous giggle, gesturing to the empty seat.
The waitress nodded and pursed her lips, “Just to let you know we only hold our tables for twenty minutes ma’am, and I’ve let your surpass that by a mile,“
“He’ll be here,” Vanessa said quickly.
“Okay, let me know if you need anything,” she smiled contritely before walking away.
She felt more self-conscious than she had after the first fifteen minutes that he hadn’t bothered to turn up. Now almost 45 minutes later, it was as if everyone was really watching her. 
People dine alone all the time, I could be one of those. It’s normal. She thought, trying to ignore the occasional glances from other diners that she had imagined.
8:43pm, her iPhone displayed. If he wasn’t here by 8:50 she was leaving. She felt even more stupid for staying that long, despite him notifying her about his punctuality. He couldn’t even make the effort to be there on time? Why even give him that chance?
She picked up her phone and messaged Chris to let him know that she was going home as soon as she finished her wine. He didn’t reply. So she sat there, looking around and watching people walk past in groups, ready to paint the town red. There were couples linking arms, another kissing by the car across the road. And in the restaurant alone, there were plenty. Everyone but her seemed to be having a fulfilled night. She wondered which ones, if any were on their first date. Which ones were in their honeymoon phase? It’d been a while since she’d been there. 
When 8:50 came, she decided to give a few more minutes, just in case, slowly nursing her wine as rationale. The looks became obvious; the waitress was now at the door speaking to the maitre dí, pointing towards her table. Well, she couldn’t blame them, she’d held the table for a while and had ordered nothing but a glass of wine. She took out her card, knowing that the next time the waitress came, she’d be kicking her out.
She messaged Chris...
Nessa: I’m done!
Nessa: This is so embarassing!
Nessa: I should have followed my instincts.
Nessa: I’m SUCH an idiot!!!
Nessa: I can’t believe he really didn’t show up!
Chris didn’t reply again, but he called straight away instead, the worry in his voice was apparent as he spoke the minute she answered on the first ring.
“Hey,” he said tentatively.
“Chris!” she could only muster. She wanted to cry, she palmed her forehead, hiding her face, because surely now the whole restaurant was watching her. Oh the pity she imagined they wore on their faces.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I’m so sorry, I feel bad I pushed you to go on this date,”
“Ma’am?”
Vanessa looked up at the waitress, “Chris, I have to go,”
“Vanessa-?”
“I’m sorry ma’am-“
“It’s okay, I understand,” Vanessa forced a smile and raised her card to the waitress.
The waitress merely nodded, wearing a look of sympathy that Vanessa resented because she was too familiar with it, “I’ll get the card reader,”
Vanessa forced herself not to cry. She wasn’t going to cry. Not just yet. She was going to once she got home. She could scream into her pillow and not face the judging faces of the others. She could almost laugh at how hilarious this whole situation was. She always told herself to follow her intuition, and the one time she ignored it, the universe had to prove a point. At her expense. Great.
She put her blazer on, downed the last of her wine and waited for the waitress to return so she could pay, and rush home to call Chris and shout at him for making her do this.
“Hey,” a familiar baritone said behind her.
She turned around so quickly she almost gave herself a whiplash, and then a heart attack at the sight of him.
“Chris?” she frowned, as if she’d seen a ghost.
He was assessing her to see what state she was in; she had her brave face on. He was very familiar with it. She always did that, hide her feelings behind a contrite smile that he’d become so familiar with.
“You okay?” he asked, sitting opposite her.
Suddenly, the room filled with murmurs of excitement at the unexpected spotting of a celebrity dining at a hidden gem. 
“Of course I’m not okay Chris,” she scoffed. “What are you doing here?”
“I knew from the minute you told me he didn’t call, that he wasn’t coming,” Chris frowned apologetically, then grimaced at how harsh he sounded. “I made my way as soon as I could. I’m sorry, he’s a jerk,”
Vanessa shook her head and looked out of the window, those tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill over. She wasn’t going to cry. Especially not in front of Chris. She waved her hand dismissively, and chuckled.
“I’m an idiot,”
“Why?” Chris asked, sounding upset with her. “Because you trusted someone and they let you down?”
She shrugged, “He probably had time to think and thought nah, ‘she’s not my type, why bother?’” she laughed. “You know, at least be a man and own up to it?!”
Chris could detect the pain in that sinister laugh. He wanted to roll his eyes at how ridiculous she sounded, but he realised that’s how she felt and he wouldn’t want to trivialise that.
“Or maybe he came here, asked for the table and saw me, and thought hell no,”
“Vanessa, stop it,” Chris said fiercely, reaching for her hand. “Look at me...please,”
“Chris, it’s not your reality okay? You don’t have to ‘get it.’ You won’t ever. The world swoons just at your face alone, then of course, you are built like fucking Steve Rodgers in real life...what could you possibly get? Look around this room alone, as soon as you walked in, everyone gets excited,”
And then for the first time since he’d walked in, he suddenly became aware of the onlookers and sneaking iPhone cameras. He was thankful for the loud music blaring through the speakers, because this wasn’t a conversation for strange ears. He turned his attention back to her and listened. She’d always shared her insecurities about her weight to him, and how that got in the way of her love life or people just treating her like a person worth their attention. He wanted to take the pain away and make her realise how beautiful she was. But he knew, and had said it to her many times, but when the rest of the world wasn’t so accepting or as kind, it would take more than his efforts to change her heart. That wasn’t going to stop him from playing his part and doing right by her though, even if she didn’t believe him. 
“I’m sorry Vanessa, I know there’s nothing I can do to make this better or go away,” he said solemnly, tightening his grip on her hand. “But you know, it’s probably for the best that he didn’t string you along. I know it doesn’t make it better, but he didn’t deserve your time,”
“Uh..., sorry to interrupt,” the waitress returned with a sheepish smile.
Vanessa rolled her eyes internally. Of course Chris would have that effect.
“A...a...re you uhmm...still paying?” she looked at Vanessa.
“We’ll have the menus, please?” Chris looked at Vanessa, she gave him a small smile for confirmation. “And we’ll have a bottle of what she was drinking,”
“Yeah, sure, I’ll be right back,”
“Thank you Chris, for coming,” Vanessa finally said, heaving a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry for being a bitch,”
“No, you have every right to be mad. And at me for coming along with unsolicited advice. Man,” he shook his head. “Guys are jerks, I’m sorry on behalf of the entire male specie,”
Vanessa laughed, “It’s not your fault,”
“Yeah but women really put up with hardcore jackasses every day, can’t be easy,”
“Well,” Vanessa finally smiled. “Not all men. You turned out pretty decent,”
“Mhhhh,” Chris grimaced, slightly shrinking into his seat. Vanessa rolled her eyes. He always did this, deflected compliments, just as she did. “I try, I’m not perfect,”
“You’re miiiillleeesss ahead of the foolishness I’ve encountered, you have a good heart kid, I know you wouldn’t pull something like this,” Vanessa said confidently.
“Don’t make me blush,” he joked, then straightened up. “But no, I wouldn’t, especially not to you,”
“You don’t have to tell me what you think I want to hear,” she scoffed. “Besides, you’re now paying for this dinner, so stop sucking up to me,”
“Here you go,” the waitress interrupted again, placing menus in front of them.
“Thank you,” Chris and Vanessa said in unison.
“You’re welcome,” she said, needing a reason to linger a bit longer to take Chris in before she went off again.
“Have you been here before?” Chris asked from behind the menu? “What do you recommend?”
“The prawn tacos are amazing, oh and the nachos too, but they’re a lot - we can share,”
“Uh yeah, no, I don’t share,” he said avoiding eye contact. “You know this,”
“This is true. Evans doesn’t share food. And here I thought you were the good guy,”
“I am,” he smirked. “And also, I wasn’t just saying what I thought you needed to hear by the way, I meant it,”
Vanessa glanced at him, smiling as her heart warmed. She knew he meant it. Chris had a mantra where he always insisted on saying exactly what he meant and meaning what he said. But that wasn’t what warmed her heart; it was that the night had turned around for the better after all. There was no one she’d rather share the evening with than Chris. He looked up too, smiling in return.
What is happening here? She thought. She looked back down quickly, studying the menu as if she hadn’t decided on what she was having. Then her phone flashed on the table, her eyes flickered to it quickly, not wanting to rush to pick it up and be rude in Chris’ company. Until she saw his name flash on the screen.
"Shame he didn’t get to see how good you look right now,” Chris said, before Vanessa could even process what was going on, he continued, “Also, this is a much better date. Don’t you think?”
She shook her head at him for his silly antics, she couldn’t take him seriously when he was in flirting mode. It was that smirk that made it hard to discern how serious he was. Though it felt good whenever she was the recipient of it, she also wished that he really meant that, and not just said things to make her feel good. The problem with him saying things that felt good is that it was fleeting, he’d say it and move on.
“Are you ready to order?”
Vanessa looked up, grateful for the waitress’ presence for the first time that evening.   
“I think we are,” Chris said, Vanessa glanced over at him and met his eyes that were lingering on her. He smiled and raised his brows at her, “Don’t you think?”
Vanessa turned to the waitress and nodded rapidly, suddenly fumbling awkwardly with menu, “uh yes, I think so,”
Chris smiled from across the table, knowing that wasn’t an answer for the waitress.
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