#that show was beautiful and everyone knew it

[i9messi]

Don't break up with me — Oscar Piastri

Because of a misunderstanding, Oscar thinks you want to break up with him. Signals made him suspect he was right, but in fact, you just want to surprise him with a new puppy.

word count — 1,3k

note: i promise you this is pure fluff and romantic stuff. oscar here loves reader soo much, so I hope you enjoy it!

MASTERLIST

Oscar started to think about the last half of the year. Everything in your relationship had been so wonderful in those last few months, almost too perfect to be real.

You went to support him to his races every weekend, had romantic dates in your favourite places, went to museums and book stores and enjoyed ordinary things such as going together to the market. You had a beautiful relationship, where you supported each other and talked about your concerns as well as your future. Having known each other since you were teens, you and Oscar had talked many times about what you wanted to do in the future: to get marry and start a family.

Your families were very close, his mother loved you and you loved her, even spent time with her when he was not around. Your side of the family adopted him as their son, showing love to him.

There was no way you would break up with him. It made no sense.

However, the signs were there. That morning before heading to the circuit he had called you and you interrupted him, saying you were busy. That would have made sense and it was fine, except then he talked later to his mom and she told him you had been texting her all morning. Why didn’t you want to talk to him?

It was bad. That couldn’t be happening.

“Oscaaaaaaaaaaarr.” Someone shouted and that made him come back to reality.

Lando was in front of him, while he was sitting on the couch. Oscar used to be the most calm in your relationship. He took things easy, used to think before taking action, but now thinking so much was turning him into a person full of insecurity.

“What's wrong?” Lando asked, realizing that his teammate was acting differently than usual.

“Nothing.”

“Is this about your girlfriend?”

Oscar didn't try to hide the truth, not with him. “I think she’s going to break up with me.”

Lando was silent for a moment, until he burst out laughing.

“Don’t laugh, I feel bad. I’m devastated.”

“She’s not gonna break up with you, mate.”

You didn’t live together yet, you hadn’t taken that step in your relationship yet, but you practically lived next to each other. Your apartments in Monaco were only a few meters away. Yesterday he had invited you on a date and you told him that you couldn’t go. Lately it was as if you didn't want to spend your time together, as if his mere presence was annoying to you.

“How are you so sure?”

“Because you're the perfect couple. You love each other, you show the world how adorable you are, and then make everyone else feel miserable.”

“I don’t think that’s true anymore, Lando.”

“Go talk to her, then. Crying and feeling bad about it won’t solve a thing. Go and win back your lady.”

Oscar listened to his teammate, knew he couldn’t waste time or the opportunity to talk with you. He found you just a few minutes later and you hugged him, while he left a kiss on your forehead.

“Baby, I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Oscar. Congratulations for the race, I'm very proud of you.”

That had to mean something, didn’t it? If you hadn’t missed him and if you didn’t want him more in your life, you wouldn’t have answered that. Oscar was trying to convince himself that he still had a chance with you.

“Let’s go to my house.” he suggested, as you raised your head and looked at him with a face that showed no feelings.

“We better go to mine. We need to talk.”

Damn. You were going to break up with him. You never spoke like that, you had never said those words before.

On the way to your apartment in Monaco, he drove quietly. Oscar noticed you were nervous. You ran your hand through your hair and barely spoke. You were acting strange. He was increasingly convinced that once you arrived at your home, you would tell him that you wanted to break up with him.

The road was eternal and the worst of the worst. You arrived and stayed in the living room.

“Would you like some water?”

“Yes, please.”

You went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and came back a few seconds later. He drank the water in a single instant, too thirsty and nervous.

“Is something wrong, Oscar?”

“Do you want to break up with me?”

You stayed silent, until Oscar spoke again. His eyes were shining, his hair was messy from all the times he had passed his hands over it.

“Don’t break up with me, please. I don’t know what I would do without you in my life, you're my everything. I love you, that’s all I know. If I did something wrong just tell me, I'll try my best to not make the same mistake again."

“Oscar, baby…”

He hesitated, but he walked a step closer to you. Oscar was trying to not lose his mind.

“We can’t break up."

His supplicant gaze begged you not to leave him, not when he needed you so much.

“I love you and my life would be shattered without you.”

And something happened. You smiled.

“Oscar, I’m not breaking up with you. I don’t know what made you think I would.”

Calm made Oscar relax, but he remained confused. He was very sure of all the signs he had seen, he wasn't crazy and he was not imagining things. You had been acting strangely in those last days.

“Then why have you been acting so weird?”

“Wait for me, I’ll be right back!”

You left and came back a while later with something in your arms. A little puppy.

“It’s for you, honey.”

Oscar couldn’t help but come closer to you to see the puppy. The animal looked at him with a little mistrust, but once his hand came to caress the dog, the puppy began to move his tail with happiness, while you saw him with a smile on your face.

“A dog? For me?”

“It was a surprise. I talked with your mum about it and she even helped me. When you'll be busy with work stuff, I will be taking care of him.”

Your boyfriend grabbed the animal in his arms, the puppy ran his tongue over his face and Oscar squinted his eyes, while he couldn't stop feeling his heart beating frantically in his chest.

“l didn't expect this, thank you.”

“I would never break up with you, Oscar. You make me happy. That’s why I thought of adopting a puppy for you.”

“Then why were you acting so weird?”

“Because I wanted it to be a surprise. Yesterday I went to get him and that’s why I canceled our plans. Today the puppy peed in the clothes I was going to wear, just when you called. Also, he started barking and didn’t want you to find out. It was my little secret.”

Oscar had never been so happy, he left a kiss on your lips. Your mouths joined and he smiled so happily.

“I love you, you made me the happiest man in the world.”

“We have our little family now, Oscar. We are parents of a dog.”

Even as you planned to start a family when you were old enough, sharing the life of a pet was everything to him. Sharing the care and affection of a puppy made his tender and loving part appear.

“I love you and I love this animal. I will take care of you and him for my whole life.”

You weren't breaking up with him, that was the best part of all.

[womenwoso]

Hi guys, this is my first time ever writing a fic, so I don't know how well it went, but I hope you enjoy it. Also, massive thank you to @helen-with-an-a for proofreading it and just being amazing.

SISTERS ON THE FIELD

You had always held Aitana in high regard. It was not solely due to her being your older sister, but also because she was an undeniable force on the field. Throughout your childhood, you often found yourself in the shadow of her abilities. She was the standout player, constantly guiding her team with poise, skill, and an insight no one else had. However, today marked a change.

You and Aitana were now teammates, a setting where you were no longer merely "Aitana’s sister." To your teammates you were a player in your own rights. You had a feeling that to the media you were just and would probably always be Aitana’s little sister. After years of dedicated practice, you felt prepared for this moment.

As the first practice neared the nerves increased and lingered a voice in your head telling you that you didn’t deserve this opportunity. But having your sister by your side silenced those voices and calmed the nerves slightly.

"How are you feeling?" she inquired, her tone steady yet imbued with the warmth that made her so endearing.

"Im... I’m ready," you replied, striving to project confidence despite the rapid beating of your heart.

Aitana offered a gentle smile. "That’s great. You know I’m proud of you, right? You’ve made so much progress. Remember that and whatever happens out there, I love you."

You gazed at her, full of gratitude and anxiety. She had always been your role model, but now she was also your teammate.

As the whistle blew Aitana gave you a reassuring smile and ran off to warm up. After warms up you had your moment to showcase your skill in a small 5-aside game Aitana being on your team.

Mapí stood with her foot on the ball “Let’s see what you’ve got then” sending you a win and sticking her tongue out at you jokingly. You quickly seized the ball from her leaving her in shock as everyone scrambled to defend you. You began to dribble the ball around players pushing yourself to keep possession to show them you belong. Aitana matched your pace effortlessly her movements graceful and swift. You could feel her gaze on you waiting for you to pass the ball and trick the defenders. She knew your movements just as much as you did.

You executed a beautiful pass back to Aitana just as Ona comes into steal the ball before receiving a skilful flick from Aitana leaving you one-on-one with the Cata. The significance of the moment weighed heavily upon you, yet the pressure did not consume you. Taking a deep breath, you kick the ball executing it with perfect timing just as you had seen Aitana do so many times. Watching the ball sail into the net with a satisfying thud.

The whole team went silent standing in various states of shock as Aitana shouted with joy “That’s how we do it” she screamed while she ran and lifted you off the ground her excitement mirroring your own.

“Thank you for the assist,” you chuckled laughing at her excitement, a smile taking over your face. Looking around you could see the players and staff watching you with soft smiles and also shock.

Aitana returned your smile as she set you down on the ground holding your face in her hands “You have always possessed the talent bebita, it was just a case of you finding your confidence and believing in yourself. Now you’ve found that you’ll be unstoppable. I believe in you.” You found yourself choking back some tears. This is all you had ever wanted was to follow in her footsteps and make her proud.

As training drew to a close and the sun began to set casting an array of colours across the sky. The realisation dawned upon you that you were no longer just Aitana’s little sister and never had been. You were Y/N Bonmatí a player and a person in your own right and nothing could diminish that.

“Let’s do this again tomorrow” Aitana joked, nudging you and throwing her arm around you as you walked off the field together side by side.

In that moment, you realised that regardless of what football may lead to in your life, the bond you shared with your sister on and off the pitch was indestructible.

----------------------------------------------------------

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my first ever fic. I hope you enjoyed it, and if you have any requests or even just some tips or feedback, I'd be happy to hear them.

[wlfchnlv3r]

Mate

Non idol! Hyunjin x Nine tailed fox ! Fem reader

Synopsis: the “fox hunt” is open in your country, and you, the last nine tailed fox, despite all, you’ll find your mate.

Word count: 1.2 k

Warning: light smut, fingering, virgin! Reader.

Note: meow hope you like it!

There is a "Fox Hunt" in your country, and hunters have appeared from every corner.

Everyone wants to hunt you, the last nine-tailed fox.

Legends say you’re a gorgeous girl with long red hair and deep amber eyes, the last of your species that during mating season, show up in the woods.

• • •

You are injured, running in the woods during a storm, some men shotted at your legs during the hunt, and you are searching for a sheltered place.

You spotted a wooden house with lights on, you slowly approach the door, knocking, before a young men, with a buzz cut turns out.

Hyunjin knew who you were the moment he laid his eyes on you, your hurt expression made his heart clench.

You were trembling because of the wound and the rain, “can- can I come in…? Please”.

Hyunjin instantly helped you to stand up, holding his arm around your waist.

After that moment everything becomes blurry and you passed out.

That was the first impression you had of your “savior”, it’s been four months and you now live with Hyunjin in his house, at least is a safe place, but that’s not… all, you planned to stay there until the wound had healed but something came up, a feeling between you and Hyunjin.

• • •

You are now looking at your dressed figure at the bathroom.

Hyunjin walks over to the bathroom door and stands opposite it, he can hear how you walk or make some movements, “You done, little fox?” he asks.

You still looks at your figure, “yes…”.

He opens the door, seeing you standing in the nightgown he gives you. His gaze slides over your body up and down, his smirk does not disappear, “Ah… I was right.. You look beautiful in this nightgown…”.

Hyunjin gently caresses your waist and hums, he looks at you quietly, admiring your face, “Such a pretty fox…”.

You are lost in your thoughts, “you know… I never looked at myself in the mirror before I came here” you admit.

He raises his eyebrow, genuinely surprised, and he can’t help but chuckle, “What do you mean? You never looked in the mirror? How...?”.

“My mother was against the concept... of beauty itself and she always told me that I had to love myself for what I cherished in my heart” you simply say with a smile.

Hyunjin listens to you quietly, “So you didn’t even know that you are beautiful? Damn…. I’m surprised, you should’ve known a long ago how gorgeous you look..” he says.

He continues to stare at you with a smirk, he gently runs his fingers through your hair, caressing them softly, “But now you know how beautiful you are, right?”.

You are taken aback by the question, “I don’t know…really” you admit with sincerity.

Hyunjin sighs and gently grabs you by the chin, making you look at him, You really don’t know.. Damn.. I need to show you how beautiful you are, don’t I..?”.

He suddenly grabs your waist and lifts you up in his arms, holding you against his chest, “I’m gonna show you how beautiful you look.. I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself the way I see you..”.

You gasp a little and hold onto him.

Hyunjin gently cradles you against his chest as he walks back into the bedroom and sit in front of the big mirror with you between his legs. He’s standing behind you, his chest pressed against your back, he looks at you through the mirror with a smirk, “Look at this… Do you see how gorgeous you are, little fox?”.

You look at yourself in the big mirror and smile, maybe he is right.

Hyunjin’s fingers are caressing your hips, but the touch becomes more gentle, as if to explore every inch of your body. His eyes continue to look at you through the mirror, watching how you react to his touches when an idea pops in his mind, “You look stunning in that nightgown.. So damn good..” he says as he starts to spread your legs and touch your inner tights.

His touch make your body shiver and you have to control the urge to moan.

«Mmm.. Can’t help myself… So damn beautiful..» he says pulling your panties aside and gently caressing your folds.

Hyunjin smirks at your reaction and looks at you through the mirror, feeling how your body tenses up, “I love those noises coming from your mouth, little fox”.

You can’t help but moan and let your head rest on his shoulder.

His smirk grows even more and a chuckle escapes his lips as he hears you moan, he notices how your reaction to his touch is getting stronger, and he continues to slowly tease your clit, “I haven’t even done much, but you’re already making those pretty noises for me” he continues to rub her clit with circular movement increasing the pressure.

You whines loudly as he suddenly push one fingers inside you, you still look at him through the mirror, your lips parted and soft moans that escapes your mouth.

You are about to close your eyes when Hyunjin clicks his tongue, “Ah ah ah.. I want you to keep your eyes open, little one”.

Your gaze never leave his through the mirror, and you make a little movement against his hand, wanting more, needing more.

He notices how you move against his finger, and he smirks, realizing how desperate you are, his fingers slowly moving inside you, “Mmm… Look at you… all desperate for me, does it feel good? You like that?” He can easily see how your expression change with every movement.

You are already a mess, you never experienced that but you want more, “hyunjin…more- more please” you whines.

Hyunjin’s free hand grabs your neck, gently making you look up at him in the mirror, his fingers gently caressing your skin, “pretty foxes like you always get what they want” as he says that he slides his finger out of you, just temporarily before pushing two fingers in your wet entrance.

You choke a moan, his fingers pushing against you g spot, making difficult for you to control yourself.

Hyunjin’s gaze meets yours in the mirror, he keeps your chin gently in his grip, his eyes looking deep in yours, “Are you enjoying this, little fox?.. I’m sure you are, you look so pretty like this, all desperate and needy for me” he says moving his fingers faster inside you.

You are a whiny mess, your orgasm is near and your legs are shaky.

He notices how your legs are shaking and how close you are, and he grins, watching you in the mirror, “Are you close? Are you going to come for me?”.

As soon as he says those words you comes followed by a loud moan, it is your first orgasm, and it happened with the right man, the one you want as your mate.

Hyunjin gently pulls his fingers out of you, he continues to look at you in the mirror while he brings the fingers that were inside you to his lips, and he slowly licks them, cleaning them up.

With a quick movement you turn around and hug him, you think you have finally found your mate.

Taglist: @felixleftchickennugget @kiwininja35 @sweetpickledjins @slmnheart @elqivxstxr @catffeinexo-xx @multistancheck @justwonder113 @mylittleponeypinkrosieposie @hello-stranger24 @raptorbait529 @cocofia143 @minniesverse @eastjonowhere @justwonder113 @yerijaksel

(Comment to be added to the master list 🎐)

[mockerycrow]

aaaaah I'm so glad your askbox is open!! Could I possibly request Gaz and some body worship please?

➸ battle ready (gaz x gn!reader)

a/n; drabble/short fic !! you didn’t specify who was getting worshipped, so i made this about gaz getting worshipped :p enjoy! — pudgy, muscular men agenda btw

[warnings; extremely suggestive, soft, fluffy.]

In all senses of it, you loved Kyle’s body. Starting from the top, you love his prominent nose, the way it dips into his philtrum and cupid’s bow, his full lips. His strong brow bone and his wrinkles along his forehead, the smile lines ingrained in his face. The two small atrophic scars below his eye is something you always adored. 

You love the way Kyle’s jaw curves, his big brown eyes. Fuck, everyone knew you couldn’t say no to the man when he would flash you a pretty smile paired with his eyes.

You trail your mouth down his neck—God, his neck. You’d never tell him in fear of him finding it stupid, but you love his throat and shoulders. Strong and full of power—his Adam’s apple jutting out against your lips. You love his throat because inside is his vocal cords—you could get drunk off of hearing him talk, hearing him laugh. Kyle’s joy means so much to you, so much more than he will ever know.

Kyle murmurs your name softly as your lips trail across his collarbone, nearing his chest. 

You love his chest, wide and muscular with a little bit of pudge (well, he has some pudge everywhere); enough muscle to overpower and destroy, enough pudge to know he’s eating right and taking care of himself. You let out a soft sigh as your lips brush against a nipple before you press soft kiss to the skin right below his left pec, following the random pattern of beauty marks and freckles across his torso.

Kyle’s hand comes up and rests on your bare back as you trail over to his arms. You love his arms—you love his everything, to be fair, but the pure power from his arms drives you out of your mind sometimes. The muscles, his strong bicep flexing and molding into his triceps—you wanna bite him, honestly. Bite him and never let go. Especially when he wears t-shirts that hug his arms.

Trailing down his upper arm, over his inner elbow to his thick forearms. The muscles and tendons underneath the skin you appreciate like they’re a fine instrument; aren’t they, for a man like Kyle? His fingers, his precision. You press kisses down his forearm, between his veins until you get to his wrist. Kyle looks at you and his eyebrows twitch as he watches your tongue and drag across his pulse point, against his wrist bone.

It sends a shudder down his spine as your lips move to his palm. Kyle’s hands are incredible; rough to the touch yet so gentle with his lover, you. His calluses scratch you gently when he rubs your back, but his palm is so careful with you. Kyle uses his hands to break so much, but he uses them to preserve you—you and your grown together home.

“What’re you doin’?”

Kyle’s voice breaks you out of your near hungry trance, your eyes flickering up to his. He isn’t upset in any sense; he’s nervous, really. Kyle adores attention, but.. you’re being so slow. Meticulous and careful. 

“Appreciating you.” You murmur against his palm, brushing your nose against it before moving over to right below his sternum. You’re met with a quiet yet sharp inhale from the man below you, the muscles tightening as you press slow, gentle kisses down his stomach. Kyle’s stomach is built yet a small layer of fat exists over his abs, the man built for force and survival instead of showing off like bodybuilders.

You catch his eyes and hold his gaze as you kiss down below his belly button before his head rolls back with his stomach tightening.

Kyle groans as you pepper kisses lower and lower. This isn’t the first time you’ve done this, and certainly will not be the last. Not by a long shot.

[joshym]

all i want

Pairing: ex husband!Jake Kiszka x f!Reader

Summary: Even the deepest, most all-encompassing love is not always destined to endure.

Word Count: 25.3k + (this one definitely got away from me, lol)

Warnings: marriage ending in divorce, becoming parents, stress/anxiety, heavy emotions, drunkenness, arguing, angst, some good fluff

SMUT: 18+ ONLY: unprotected sex, oral (f!rec), a few risque photographs captured, a lot of kissing. maybe too much.

a/n: happy new year! 🤍 big thank you (& an even bigger apology over how long this took me) to this wonderful anon for their request. this was one of my favorites sitting in my inbox, & i wanted to be sure to give it the right amount of time to create it. love you, anon. 🤍

as always - i owe a huge, gigantic, massive thank you to my sister, @jakeyt. without her, this wouldn't be what it is. thank you, sis. for everything.

enjoy, my loves.

listen while you read.🤍

"All I want is nothing more

To hear you knocking at my door"

↟ᨒ.⊹݁⚘⊹⚘⊹⚘ ⊹.ᨒ↟

He was your best friend. 

The two of you were inseparable from the moment you met almost twenty years ago now. Two peas in a pod, as everyone would say. He’s been your favorite person in the whole world for the better part of your life. You can’t even recall a time that he wasn’t there – life before him just doesn’t exist to you anymore.

It wasn’t until your junior year of high school that things…changed. You began seeing him in a new light – he started to look different to you. Different in a good way, of course.

That was the year he started to grow into the man you’d find yourself falling deeply in love with, the man you knew you were destined to spend the rest of your conceivable days with. 

Three short years later, his was the face you’d see as you walked barefoot along the soft grass, littered in pink rose petals. Your hands held a small bouquet of the same roses that matched the petals at your feet, mixed with a few baby's breaths that you’d also braided in your hair. 

An intimate ceremony in early Spring was all you truly wanted. Just you, Jake, and a few people whom you both loved the most. Essentially an elopement – you just never felt the need to plan a ceremony of grandeur. It simply didn’t suit the two of you; it was never a show for you and Jake. It was simply you and Jake. He was your person. As long as you had him, a big celebration wasn’t necessary to you. Becoming his wife was the celebration.

You only had two stipulations for the decor; as many pink roses as your small, combined salaries could muster, and the Laramie mountains of Wyoming that you both grew up hiking together. The wildlife, peaceful and welcoming, served as beautiful additions to celebrate your matrimony. 

Your dress was made by your grandma's own two hands, woven entirely in delicate lace. The sleeves draped gracefully from your shoulders, and the small train that dragged behind you gathered pieces of the earth as you walked toward your love, though you didn’t mind the stains at all. Just the same, you never bothered to remove them. The earth and its gifts were just as much a part of the day as the wedding dress was.

As you made your solo walk down the earth's aisle, everything around you was a blur. Jake, the most handsome man your eyes had ever been given the pleasure to gaze upon, was the only thing clear to you in that moment. His hair, wind blown to beautiful perfection, and his skin, smooth and kissed by the sun. The white linen shirt he wore was left open around his chest, the mix of silver and gold charms decorating his skin, catching the rays from the eventide sun. 

You shared your first kiss as one at dusk, with the sun falling carefully below the mountains that proudly stood behind you. A sea of monarchs flew over the two of you, as if Mother Nature herself was celebrating your union, stamping her very own approval. 

There was nothing else in the world that mattered in that moment as you gazed into your new husband's eyes – his eyes that the golden rays themselves paled in comparison to. You both understood, from the instant your lips met, that your lives had truly just begun. 

The wedding was as near perfect as any could be. Picturesque, serene – the air felt fresh, anew. Your husband swayed you in his arms as you danced to nature's music, dancing until the sun closed her eyes and gave way for the moon to bathe you in her light. 

Mr. and Mrs. Kiszka — never was there a title you were more proud to wear. With the most delicate and dainty golden band around your ring finger, your bond was at last sealed.

Without the funds to take a proper honeymoon, you instead spent a quiet week in a secluded cabin in those very same mountains that joined you on your wedding day. You don’t remember leaving the little log home once during that week. Each day was spent just the two of you – no television, no intrusions from cell phones, no internet, just you and Jake. As it was always meant to be. You made love more times that week than you dare count, practically never bothered to put clothes on the whole time. You both knew they would be stripped off before you even had the chance to properly get dressed. 

It was the best week of your life, for reasons that are invaluable to you. Not only did you spend every second of that time loving your brand new husband, but the love from that week resulted in the creation of the very thing that represented the earth shattering adoration you shared for one another. 

The pregnancy came a little earlier than you had truly wanted. And it’s not that you weren’t over the moon excited for the addition, the two of you certainly weren’t as prepared as you wish you would’ve been. 

But, then again, is one ever truly prepared for such a thing?

It was scary. Terrifying, even. Jake doted over you in every way imaginable, taking care of your each and every need as they came about. Everything became about what was best for the baby, including scrounging to find a new place to live. The one bedroom studio just wasn’t going to cut it for your soon-to-be family of three. Though you’d always dreamed of a beautiful home with acres and acres of land on the outskirts of Casper, where you could gaze at the mountains from your own backyard, you just didn’t have the time or the money you needed to acquire such a thing. 

The old home you found in the city was beautiful, but your finances weren’t sufficient enough to sustain a mortgage just yet. Let alone all the things necessary for a newborn baby, your little girl, who was due to arrive in only a matter of months after you moved into your mostly unfurnished home. The stress eventually led to financial tension in your marriage. Jake had no choice but to take up a few jobs, along with his freelance photography, while you worked from home as much as you could. Your marriage was being tested early on, tested in ways neither of you were equipped to handle at the time. 

You still loved each other. God did you love each other. But even a love so profound and seemingly limitless wasn’t enough to endure each strain tossed your way. No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t see eye to eye on, well, most everything.

But, of course, the number one priority was the baby. The only things you could agree on at that time were anything that had to do with her. The theme of her nursery, which you both decided should be mountains. The two of you spent weeks painting the same ranges that were a symbol of your love on her walls. Everything in her room depicted the very place she was conceived, and the place you vowed to love your husband for the rest of your life. 

Her name hadn’t been decided just yet, but when the moment was right, it came naturally. Though your new marriage was experiencing an upheaval, her name was something that didn’t require a second thought from either of you.

Laramie Rose Kiszka. 

Laramie, after the mountains that oversaw your union. Rose, representing the ones you held, the ones that led a path to the man you’d always loved. The only man you’d ever loved.

Every marriage has its hardships, though neither of you were expecting them to occur so soon. There are many things that happened during that time that you’ll always question. But one thing you undoubtedly knew then, and what you still know now –

The love in your heart for him, in spite of it all, has never wavered. 

↟ᨒ.⊹݁⚘⊹⚘⊹⚘ ⊹.ᨒ↟

She was born at the very beginning of the year, on the coldest January day you’d ever known. Flurries of snow spit from the sky as she entered the world, covering the entire town of Casper with its sparkling blanket of white. Your labor was anything but easy, lasting for nearly thirteen hours. The most painful thing your body ever experienced, yet the most beautiful thing came from it.

Jake was by your side every second of it. Holding your hand that was squeezing the life out of his, wiping the sweat from your forehead, placing a cool washcloth against your skin when you needed it. He was your strength in that moment, when you felt you’d all but lost yours as your body struggled to bring her into the world. 

And then, when she was ready, she came. The moment you heard her first cry, all the pain in your weak body subsided, replaced with a warmth that you can only describe as pure love. As the nurse handed her to you, when you looked into her eyes for the very first time, it was as though the last thirteen hours of painful labor no longer existed. You were healed the instant you saw her. 

“Welcome to the world, my sweet Laramie Rose,” you whispered to her as you held her against your bare chest for the first time. Her eyes held the entire world. She was everything beautiful and perfect that could ever be offered to you, in her tiny six pound body that you held safely for nine months. 

“My gorgeous girls,”  Jake said as he leaned over and kissed you on the lips, then your baby girl on her tiny forehead. “My family.” 

Tears fell from Jake’s eyes as he held her for the first time, the smile of a brand new, proud dad worn across his quivering lips. You’d never seen anything more pure in your life, and everything that had transpired over the last nine months just didn’t matter anymore. What mattered was Laramie, and the desire to protect her at all costs, with Jake by your side to ensure she’d have the best life both of you could give her. It was no longer about the two of you; it was about the three of you. 

Everything felt right in that moment. It was as if, at last, everything had all fallen into place exactly as it was always meant to. It felt as though Laramie was the very thing the two of you needed to get back to the root of it all, back to the way you felt the day you said ‘I do.’ She gave you a reason, a purpose. One that you weren’t prepared for, but one that you were so grateful for.

The first few months were hard, being thrown into the throes of parenthood before you were truly given the chance to enjoy being married. But, she was worth every second. Watching her grow and change, seeing her smile for the first time, admiring her innocent view of the world around her – you just couldn’t believe that you and Jake had a hand in creating something so perfect. 

It wasn’t easy, sure. But it was, and still is, the greatest joy of your life – to be her mother, and Jake to be her father. 

However, while your tiny girl was the sweetest, happiest baby, you and Jake were struggling to find your footing. The bills continued to pile, and Jake just couldn’t manage working more than one job any longer. It was a miracle when he landed a spot with an incredibly renowned photographer as an assistant, finally able to get his foot in the door with his craft. 

The money was good. It was great, actually. His first paycheck alone paid up all of the bills, including the late fees. The job made it possible for you to be a full-time, stay at home mom. Something you and Jake both agreed was the best thing for Lara. 

With the money Jake was making, you truly thought that the problems in your marriage would solve themselves. The stress of finances was the biggest problem between the two of you, and when that was no longer a hindrance, you felt your marriage would heal itself in no time. 

But, that wasn’t the case. 

Arguments, though petty and utterly pointless, soon became a daily occurrence. Multiple times a day, at that.

It was always the same things — he was gone all the time for work so you felt like you were parenting alone, and he felt his every effort to take care of his family was lost on you. 

None of it was true, but both of you were far too stubborn to admit to any wrong doings. The arguments resulted in awful things being said to one another. Your frustrations would cause your lips to utter things neither one of you meant – things you didn’t mean, at least – and that caused you to heavily resent one another. 

But, the biggest fight occurred when Jake proposed the idea of moving away. All for his job. He swore that it would be the best thing for your family, that he wouldn’t have to travel so often. A promising studio, located just east of Los Angeles, offered him a position for more than double the income he was bringing in. He essentially accepted the job before ever uttering a word about it with you. 

And that was your final straw. 

You felt betrayed in the worst ways, and the idea of leaving Casper, of leaving the place that held so much history for you and Jake, leaving the mountains…that wasn’t something you were willing to budge on. Up until that moment, you thought you were both in agreement that raising Lara here was what was truly best for her. 

At that point, you both knew what needed to be done.  

It wasn’t an easy choice to make, but it was the right one. The only one, in fact. Not what either of you wanted, but what you knew you needed. It was the hardest lesson of ‘want’ and ‘need’ that you’ve ever learned. 

Neither one of you wanted to raise your daughter in an environment like that, with parents who just weren’t equipped for what being married meant. Living together was simply too difficult for you and Jake. You were the same in so many ways, yet completely different when it truly mattered. It ultimately boiled down to consistent disagreements that were beyond repair.

So, when Lara turned a year old, you both decided that, for the sake of being the best parents you could be to your precious girl, splitting was the best thing you could do for her. And for yourselves. 

The divorce seemed to come as naturally as the wedding did. For the first time in over a year, there were no arguments, no words spoken out of anger. It was a seamless transition, but one that left a scar on your heart. 

It was Jake’s choice for you to keep the house, and it only made sense given the nature of his job and the chance he’d move away. And it was that very reason you were initially granted full custody of Lara. You were able to offer her a stable home that the judge felt needed prioritized. Jake pleaded with the judge, promised he wouldn’t leave if that’s what it took to see her more. But, the judge wouldn’t hear it. The pain in Jake’s eyes as he dutifully agreed to the arrangement still haunts you most everyday. 

But, none of it sat right with you. As far as Lara went, Jake had done nothing wrong. He was – is – the perfect dad. You didn’t want his time with her to be limited to a week or two in the Summer when your schedules would allow. That wasn’t good enough for you, for Jake, or for Lara. 

She needed her dad just as much as she needed you. 

It took some convincing, but the judge eventually agreed to split the custody evenly, so long as Jake didn’t move so far away. And you made it known that you would settle for no less than that. The problems with you and Jake were only between you and Jake. That custody agreement would’ve been a punishment for Lara just as much as it would’ve been for Jake, and that wasn’t okay with you in the least. You saw no purpose in taking away most of his parental rights, keeping your daughter from her dad, all because the two of you were incapable of living together. 

Because of your insistence on keeping Lara in Wyoming, Jake sacrificed a lot to ensure he’d see her as much as possible. He didn’t make the move that he could’ve easily made without being married to you to keep him from doing so. 

He chose to stay close by, a promise he made to your baby that he’d always make her a priority. Living separately, but within close proximity of one another, was the best and only option the two of you found some common ground on. 

Jake kept his job as an assistant photographer, but was made the lead photographer within months of your split. He leases a lovely studio apartment, only a few miles away from your house. You found work as an editor for The Lantern, a small publication that features free-lance writers from all over the country. The job, being something you’ve always had a passion for, made it possible for you to work from home. In spite of it all, after hitting endless bumps in the road, the path eventually smoothed out and led you both to lives of harmony with one another. 

And while you and Jake couldn’t live together, you soon discovered that you could work seamlessly as the perfect co-parenting team when apart. You couldn’t love her – or each other – properly while together, but god, how the two of you shower her with endless, thunderous love on your own. The love you had for one another has transformed into an even deeper love for her, the one that deserves it the most. 

Though it was painful in ways beyond your sweet Lara, the way you and Jake had chosen to raise her was truthfully much better than forcing yourselves to try and sustain a marriage. One that just wasn’t meant to work. A hard pill to swallow, but one that allowed for healing and, most importantly, the promise of the best life you could offer your daughter. 

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The last two years have gone by so quickly – too quickly. You’ve watched as Lara has grown into the most lively, feisty almost four year old, with her messy auburn ringlets that seem to hold a life of their own. Her eyes, the exact shape of Jake’s and their hazel color mimicking yours, are so vibrant and full of the life ahead of her. 

She’s growing so fast, faster than you can keep up with. She’s changing everyday, her personality developing more and more in every little thing she does. She’s a lot like you in plenty of ways, but you’d argue she’s even more like her dad. And if you were honest, that’s one of the best things about her.

She’s endlessly curious, finding wonder in everything around her. Bright — perhaps even too sharp for her own good at times — she’s just shy of her third birthday, yet speaks as though she’s lived a lifetime. She can make a story out of anything, her imagination boundless. Her first words, after ‘daddy’ and ‘mommy’,’ were ‘once upon a time.’ She gives a name to every bird she sees, talks to the flowers in the backyard as if they’re her life-long friends. All of these things that remind you of Jake, of what it was like to grow up with him.

Though she’s still so little, you can see the admiration in her eyes when she looks at him. She loves him – probably more than any little girl could love her dad. She loves you, too. Her love is unconditionally pure and whole. And while she is completely attached to you, with her dad, it’s different. 

But you can’t fault her, and you could never be envious of her adoration for him. He is, in every sense, the easiest person to love. And, as you’ve known for the better part of your life, the easiest to fall in love with. 

It pains you to admit, but you’re not sure you’ll ever love anyone the way you loved – love – Jake. Though you’re no longer together, in your eyes, Jake was your first and last. No matter how hard he was to be married to.

In the two years since your split, you’ve not been on a single date since your signature inked the divorce documents. You’ve been asked more than a few times, and while you have said yes to most of them, you find yourself backing out at the last minute every time. 

It’s not that you haven’t wanted to move on from Jake, it’s that you can’t. 

He’s still very much a part of your life. The two of you are always in touch, all for Lara. Constant communication with the only man you’ve ever loved, being the mother of his beautiful daughter, it’s impossible to move on from him.

Jake, however, didn’t seem to have a problem moving on from you right away. In fact, he’s moved on several times. You’ve lost count of the dates he’s gone on since you, though none of them have ever stayed around long enough to meet Lara. 

While you’re not privy to the true reasons why, you’re willing to place a bet or two on the fact that they weren’t keen on dating a man whose daughter will always come before anyone else. It’s possible that he just couldn’t commit to giving them the attention they desired from him.

Still yet, the fact that he has gone on so many tells you that he’s more than over you. And while you know you shouldn’t care the way you do, it just can’t be helped. Your marriage was awful, but it doesn’t change that he’s still Jake. The man you’ve spent almost nearly all of your life with, in one way or another. 

So, that’s another way that you two are different – he can go on dates, enjoy being a young, single man with movie-star looks, and you are destined to be a single mom for the rest of your life because you can’t.

You often wonder if the true reason you’ve never gone out with anyone is because you’re hopeful that, someday, you and Jake could work things out. Try again, dig up the love you once held so deeply for one another.

But, it’s a foolish hope, you’ve come to know. Aside from a few wandering looks and his famously warm smiles, he’s never shown even the slightest interest in mending things with you beyond a co-parenting relationship. 

No matter what, useless hope or not, he is still the father of your daughter. Always will be. And there’s not a single person you’d want more than him to have that role. 

But you’ll never deny that you wish things would’ve turned out a little differently. 

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Incessant knocking forces you out of your peaceful dream. Your eyes fly open, your body jolting to a seated position on your bed before your brain even registers what’s happening. The knocking then happens again, somehow louder than the pounding of your heart from the intrusion. That’s when you at last begin to come to. 

There’s no way he’s here already, you absently think, frantically searching for your phone that’s buried somewhere in the midst of your tangled bedsheets. Once you finally locate it, you note that it’s not even half past seven yet. He’s not supposed to be here for another three hours. 

Your phone alarm was set accordingly, but the much earlier Jake alarm clearly had other plans. 

This isn’t exactly an unusual occurrence. It’s not out of the norm for him to show up a little early from time to time to pick up Lara for their ‘daddy daughter date’ he plans a few times a month, separate from her nights she stays with him.

Three hours early, though, is certainly pushing it. And as the knocking at the door, loud and abrasive as ever continues, you’re left with no choice but to lift your tired body out of your warm bed, grab the nearest garment to cover your oversized t-shirt and thong clad body, and reluctantly trudge toward the source of what woke you up. 

The image of you is much less than appealing when you answer the door. Your hair, a tangled mess of two day old curls, and remnants of yesterday's eyeliner and mascara smeared on your eyes. The only thing within reach to cover your body was an old, torn robe that, coincidentally, belonged to your ex husband once upon a time. You certainly didn’t do that on purpose. This robe was designated yours long before you took your vows. It didn’t even cross his mind to take it when he moved out, knowing it hadn’t been truly his in years. 

“Sorry, I thought you’d already be up and around,” he chuckles, a little hesitantly, perhaps due to the annoyed expression painting face. He takes one look at the robe that you’re certain he recognizes, curling his lips in an awkward grin as his eyes flick up and down your tired body. “Guess I should’ve known better with you,” he winks, taking a step inside the foyer before closing the door behind him. 

You could feel your cheeks warm at the sound of his voice. It frustrates you to no end that your ex still has an effect on you. Why are you so embarrassed for him to see you this way? He was married to you, afterall. He’s seen you in far worse shape than this. 

Still – you’d like to be a bit more put together when he comes by. Maybe just to ensure that he feels the same way you do about him, give him something to be flustered about. Though, you know that’s nothing more than a mere pipe dream. 

Jake pads down the hall to her bedroom where she’s still tucked away in her brand new big girl bed, an early birthday gift from her dad. You were afraid his knocking might’ve woken her, but, following close behind Jake, you see her still lost in her quiet slumber. 

Every stuffed animal she owns is cuddled against her, her hair almost as disheveled as yours, until Jake's hand brushes a few curls away from her face. You’re standing at the doorway, watching him wake her, kissing her scrunched nose until her eyes open. 

It takes her only a moment to realize it’s her daddy here to wake her this morning, and when she feels the familiar locks of mousey hair falling over her, she leaps out of her mess of stuffies to hug his shoulders, squealing as he picks her up the rest of the way, hugging her close too his chest.  

The smile that befalls you just can’t be helped. Her reactions to seeing him will always send a flood of warmth to your heart. She’s practically shaking with pure, childlike excitement , giggling as he covers her face in kisses. 

“I’ll get her ready,” Jake says between kiss attacks, catching the smile still on your face as he looks at your tired form. “You can go back to bed if you want.” His smile is as bright as the sun peeking through the blinds of her windows. 

While going back to bed does sound nice, you’re already up. There’s no sense making yourself begin the day for a second time. With as much as you need to do today, sleeping a few extra hours would only prolong the inevitable. “Well, I’m already up. Might as well stay that way,” you say, though you know your tone came across a little snarkier than you intended. The sleepiness talking, of course. 

Bouncing Lara on his hip, Jake raises his eyebrows at your response, grinning from the corner of his mouth. The room stays silent for a moment, save for Lara’s relentless giggling from tickles from her dad. “I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant –,” you try alleviating the sudden awkward tension you’ve created, finding it hard to do so. You used to be able to say anything to Jake, and there was never an uncomfortable moment with him. My, how things have certainly changed.

“She’d love it if you got her ready,” you continue, being sure your tone reflects the sincerity behind your words. “I just mean I have a lot to do today, and it’s probably a good thing you came so early or I wouldn’t have had a reason to get out of bed until much later.” 

Jake smiles, lifting Lara in the air through a boisterous fit of tiny giggles. “That sound good to you, little one? You trust your daddy to put together a stylish outfit for our day of fun?”

As loud as her little lungs will allow, she screeches the word yes! through an excited, full baby-toothed grin. He gives her cheek one more smooch before setting her back down on her bed and walking towards her closet, shuffling through the neatly hung, color coded clothes. 

“Still taking her to the aquarium?” You ponder aloud, watching him pull out one of her favorite winter ensembles to wear. Her bright pink corduroy overalls, paired with the softest white turtleneck. Upon catching a glimpse of what he chose for her to wear, her approval is obvious in her excited shrill. 

“Yeah, I figured she’d enjoy the new shipwreck exhibit they just added,” he says as he helps her get dressed, chuckling at her insistence to do it herself. She does pretty well for the most part, only having trouble getting the snaps to close on the straps. 

Jake’s never been the best at taming her unruly curls, and after watching him struggle for a moment, you decide to step in and offer a hand. 

“Are you sure you’re not the one who’s most excited for the new addition?” You sneer, jokingly. The comment forces a laugh from him and a knowing tilt of his head as he hands you a pink hair tie. 

With one more spritz of water from her purple spray bottle, her ponytail is laying perfectly. Wetting your fingers a bit, you twist a few of her ringlets, making them a little more defined.

After getting her teeth brushed, her socks and boots on her feet, and her purple puffer on, she’s ready for her day. Jake has planned a quick McDonald's breakfast, the aquarium, and lunch at Johnny Jay’s before he has to get ready for a photoshoot with some clients today. Even on his work days, he still makes time for her. Something that you know she’ll always be grateful for. 

You lift her in your arms for a big hug, kissing her cheeks so much that she’s belly laughing. Telling her you love her more than the mountains, and after she says it back in her sweet voice, you bid them both a farewell. 

“I’ll have her back around one o’clock. That sound good to you?” He tells you while he walks through the front door, hand in hand with little Lara.

“Sounds good to me. You two have fun, okay?” 

“We sure will,” he says, turning back to look at you. “Wave bye to momma!”

Her smile is infectious as she waves her tiny, gloved hand to you, the grin on her face nearly mimicking her dads. 

Waving back, blowing kisses for her to catch, you watch him secure her in her car seat before he sits himself in the front seat of his black Buick. 

You're not sure if it's out of habit or a deep-rooted maternal instinct, but you always find yourself standing outside, watching as he backs out of the driveway and drives down the street. There's a certain comfort in seeing him safely on his way, enough to ease your mind until his text arrives, letting you know they’ve made it to their destination safely.

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You’ll never get used to how quiet the house is when Lara is gone. No matter how often she’s with her dad, it’s always a shock to you when her voice isn’t echoing off the walls. It should serve as some relief to you, to have the silence and the time to do the things you can’t normally do with her around.

But, it’s just not that way for you. Never has been. Lara has never been a nuisance for you, never been too much in any aspect. She’s almost always attached to your hip, following you around the house and watching your every move, helping you with little mundane tasks the best she can. 

Because of that, it’s so very strange when you don’t have your tiny shadow by your side. 

Nevertheless, as much as you miss her presence, it is easier to get things done when she’s spending the day with her dad. So, you’ll be sure to get everything you’ve needed to do out of the way before she’s due back home. 

Grocery shopping was first on the list, a trek that has proven to be difficult with a toddler that needs constant entertainment. Though not impossible with her, it’s a bit harder to get in and out of the store in a timely manner. 

But, today, you managed to cross each thing off your list in less than thirty minutes. And that is a feat of great magnitude. When Lara is with you, it takes double, sometimes triple that. And it doesn’t help that she begs for nearly everything she sees. The last time she took a trip to the store with you, she spotted a purple mini digital camera, decorated with a rainbow unicorn around the lens. She cried and cried when you weren’t able to get it for her. And it wasn’t because you didn’t want to, of course. Your budget for the day just didn’t have any room for it.

She cried the rest of the time you were at the store, such sad and heartbroken tears, and there was nothing you could do to offer her any solace. Her cries only worsened as you left the store, coming to the realization that she really wasn’t getting the very thing her little heart desired the most that day. You even shed a tear or two over it, feeling like you’d somehow failed her as her mom. You know that’s a dramatic take on the whole thing, but it’s how you feel every time you’re the reason her feelings get hurt.

It’s been a few weeks since then, and while she has more than likely forgotten all about it, you still feel awful for turning her down. It’s not often that you tell her no, but you had no choice that day. How do you explain the concept of a budget to a two-year old? She just doesn’t understand, and you can’t fault her for that.

So, when you saw it today, and saw that it was on sale for $19.99, you couldn’t resist getting it for her. Her very own camera, and though it’s too early to tell, this could perhaps be the catalyst in following in her daddy’s footsteps. You’re almost certain that’s the reason she was so drawn to it in the first place, because she sees one hanging around her daddy’s neck almost every time she’s with him. 

With the camera, along with her favorite treat of chocolate Teddy Grahams, there’s no doubt she’ll be thrilled when she sees her surprises awaiting her when Jake brings her home today. 

Some might say you spoil her a bit too much. You and Jake, both guilty of it. But, that’s not how you see it. She’s as grateful as any toddler could be. And, though she is so young, she cherishes everything the two of you do for her. She says thank you as many times as she can. She gives out hugs and kisses to show her appreciation. She’s not entitled, by any means. Her heart just wasn’t made that way. 

And it’s all of those reasons that made your heart ache when you had to tell her no a few weeks ago. 

Being able to buy it today, and getting to surprise her with it fills that tiny hole in your heart that forms when you can’t give her what she longs for. 

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Grocery shopping, even without a toddler, is a rather exhausting journey. To say the very least. All you think about right now is a coffee from your most treasured spot in town, something to keep your motivation and energy up for the rest of your list of things to get done today. 

The caffeine-induced relief is already hitting you as you walk into the Copper Cup Coffee, your tried and true brew of choice. The place you find yourself landing at often when you’re in need of a good pick me up. The bitterly sweet aroma of the coffee is one that will always give you a sense of comfort. 

After placing your order of your staple cappuccino with an extra shot with the lovely barista, you find a small table in the corner next to the window to sit at while you wait for your drink, enjoying the view of downtown Casper. 

But as you’re eying the bustling streets filled with locally owned boutiques and cafes, you’re suddenly becoming all too aware of a man at the opposite end who, as best as your peripheral vision can tell, seems to be looking right at you. And not just looking, staring. 

You’re so caught off guard by it that you nearly miss them calling your name to pick up your coffee from the counter. They have to call it a second time for it to fully register, and you quickly jump from your seat to retrieve it. 

It’s then that you’re able to properly look at the man who’s been eyeing you for the last few minutes. And when he begins to approach you as you’re making eye contact, toting his iced coffee in hand, your mind suddenly digs up a memory from the past. 

“You wouldn’t happen to be y/n, would you?” He asks with a sweet smile as you take your coffee from the counter, thanking the worker that placed it there. 

You didn’t recognize who he was initially, but upon hearing his voice, you know exactly who this man is.

Cole Robinson, a friend of yours and Jake’s from high school. One that you certainly spent a lot of time with, though Jake grew less fond of having him around when the two of you developed feelings for each other. Cole was the popular guy, the sporty type. The kind of guy that had a new love interest every other week. And, according to Jake, Cole had always been infatuated by you. 

You never noticed it, but Jake swore it was so. Because of that, and a slew of other reasons unbeknownst to you, their friendship didn’t sustain much longer than a year or so after graduation. Last you knew, Cole married a girl you also went to high school with. Some cheerleader named Olivia you knew in passing. 

It’s a bit of a shock to see him, to see how much he’s changed. He was never ugly to you, but you didn’t exactly find him attractive when you were teens. 

But now – well, he’s certainly not the same Cole you knew all those years ago. He’s much taller than the version of him that you remember, and a bit more broad in the shoulders. A lot more, actually. 

His hair was usually unkempt and plastered to his forehead from the football helmet he often wore. But the man standing before you today is sporting perfectly quaffed, dark brown locks, with the sides nicely faded. 

“C-Cole? Oh my gosh, I hardly recognized you,” you admit, attempting to conceal your flustered state as his smile, full of stark white, perfectly straight teeth, widens at your realization of who he is. “I mean you just – you look different.”

He sighs a chuckle through his grin, looking down at his feet as he runs a hand through his styled hair and scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, I guess I shot up a few inches. Learned how to use a hair dryer,” he giggles, his sky-blue eyes flitting to yours once more. “And you, well –,” he starts, gesturing his hand toward you as he awkwardly shuffles his feet, crossing one foot over the other before he places both hands in the pockets of his dark wash jeans. “You’re as pretty as ever. You must have an endless supply from the fountain of youth or something.” 

The heat rises to your cheeks at his words, feeling as though all of the blood in your body is sitting right on your face. Ever since having Lara, you’ve feared your looks have dwindled with motherhood. So, hearing someone say that to you (someone who looks like this, no less) is a bit flattering. 

You’ve found yourself at a loss for words, not knowing how to respond to a compliment such as that. But as you’re pondering what to say, you notice Cole staring at your left hand, and while you can’t be totally sure as to why, you have an inclination he could be searching for signs of marriage. 

And that has you remembering that he is – was, based on his own lack of a ring – married. But before you can begin to ask him how Olivia is doing, only to gauge whether or not he really is separated from her, he beats you to it with a question that floods your heart with an odd mix of emotions. “How's Jake doing these days? It must be cool being married to such a renowned photographer. I’ve seen his work, he’s really good!” 

Funny you should ask, you internally mull over, cupping the warm drink a little tighter in both of your hands. 

With an uncomfortable weight sitting on your chest, you prepare yourself to share the news that has been your least favorite to speak about in the time you’ve been split from Jake. “We um…well, we’re actually not married anymore.” No matter how many times you say it, the words still leave a stinging feeling against your tongue. His face softens after hearing what you’ve said, a different sort of smile befalling his lips. “But to answer your question, he’s doing really well. I actually just saw him, he’s with our daughter right now. They’re on a little date before his photoshoot here in a few hours.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that – that you’re not married anymore.” His tone reflects sincerity, yet his smile continues to widen. “You know I – I’ve been through a divorce, too. Liv and I, we just wanted different things. I didn’t want to indulge in whatever big city dreams she had at the time, she didn’t want to stay here. I think we just got hitched too young, you know?”

Boy, do I. 

“But it worked out in the end. She went away and found her dream job, I stayed in the place I love and found mine.” 

His story strikes a particular chord in your mind, one that brings you back to a time when you and Jake had countless disagreements over whether to stay in Wyoming or leave for the sake of his blossoming career. Of course, you didn’t want to leave. Especially with the promise of a new baby, you didn’t have the desire to raise her anywhere else. Aside from that, you just couldn’t leave the mountains. 

After the divorce, Jake had every opportunity to leave like he had always wanted. But, knowing that you would keep Lara here, he chose to travel in lieu of moving somewhere that would keep him from seeing her whenever he wanted. The guilt over that still plagues you, but you know, and he knows, deep down, that it was the best choice for Lara. And, it’s worked out rather well thus far. He’s never once complained, though you know his situation isn’t always easy on him. 

“I understand that completely,” you admit, feeling drawn to empathise with him and his love for the place you also chose to stay in. “But I’m curious – what was the dream job that kept you here?”

He huffs a laugh, gingerly sipping the last of his iced latte. “It’s kind of funny,” he says. “I really didn’t need to stay for the job I have. It’s a remote job, I could've worked it from anywhere. Kind of the irony of it. But I’m glad I stayed here. I prefer it to the big city life.” Taking one more long swig of his drink, he finishes it off and tosses it in the trash behind him. “I write for a living. Freelance, mostly. I publish editorials and such for a pretty small publication you’ve probably never even heard of. It’s a pretty decent gig, though. Flexible enough.”

A freelance writer, for a small publication…surely not. It’s a coincidence, no doubt. But there’s no way it’s more than that. Still, a curious mind tends to wonder. “Where are your works published? It’s funny, I’m actually an editor for a pretty niche publication.”

“It’s called The Lantern. And yeah,” he pauses, chuckling to himself. “I’d say mine is pretty niche, too. Not too popular, but I kinda like that about it.”

Well. That certainly abolishes that whole coincidence theory you convinced yourself of.

“You write for The Lantern?”

“You actually know it?” He asks, astonished. 

“I’d sure hope I do, given I’m one of the editors.”

The way his bright-blues widen at your reveal is almost comical, and it certainly makes you crack a smile in response. “No kidding? Man, when they say the world is small, they aren’t bullshitting,” he says, subtly shaking his head in disbelief. 

“Do you use a pseudonym?” You ask. “Because I’m sure I would’ve come across one of your pieces by now.” 

“I do, actually.” He runs a hand through his quaffed ‘do once more, managing to keep it as perfectly styled as it was when he first approached you. “And I’ll tell you, but you should know that once I do, you’ll be the only one who knows my little secret.” 

“Well, I’ll be sure to hold it sacred,” you say, cheeks flushing yet again. 

He then leans closer to you, motioning for you to meet him halfway. His fingers barely brush the skin of your cheek when he cups his hand over his mouth near your ear. “    “

You’re taken aback at his secret, shocked to discover who he is. You certainly know his work, but not for any good reasons. His grammar is always subpar at best. He hardly punctuates correctly, if at all sometimes. Lara writes better than him, and she can’t even form complete sentences yet. 

“That’s you?” You say with fake excitement, hoping to god that your expression doesn't mimic your true feelings about it. “I’ve read your work plenty of times. I-it’s great!”

Even you weren’t convinced by that. But, it seems he is. And that’s all that really matters at the moment. His growing smile would be an indication of that, and even though this man is one of the worst writers you’ve come across during your time working for The Lantern, you can’t help but be drawn to his charm. 

“Listen I–I know this is probably way too soon, but I feel like I need more than just a few minutes in a coffee shop to catch up with you.”   “If you’re free tomorrow night, we could continue this conversation over dinner. Only if you’re okay with that, of course.” 

There it is. 

You’d  figured it was coming, but you’d also hoped it wouldn’t get to that point. And it’s not because of him, your reservations over dating are hard to push through. Hard enough that you’ve not gone out with anyone once since Jake. 

If you agree to this, Cole will be your first date in years. More years than you care to count at the moment. Something about it feels wrong, but you’re wondering if it only feels wrong because you want it to. 

You’ve suddenly come to the realization that dating may never feel right, because you haven’t let it. But, you know you can’t live the rest of your life like this. If Jake can move on, go on as many dates as he wants without a second thought, well, you can do the same. 

“Dinner sounds wonderful,” you say, feeling your heart race in your chest as you agree to something you honestly never thought you’d agree to ever again. And, to your utter surprise, you’re actually excited for it. Something you weren’t prepared to ever feel again over the prospect of  dating. “It sounds really wonderful, actually.”

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Right at the top of the hour, you hear Jake’s Buick rumbling in the driveway. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Everything you needed to do today is done, and just as you’ve finished hanging up the last load of laundry, Jake’s made it back with Lara.

You open the front door before he even has a chance to get her unbuckled from her seat, hearing her gleefully yell for you when she catches sight of you walking toward the Buick. 

“Hi, sweet girl!” You say to her, to which she says hi right back, waving her tiny hand as Jake removes the last buckle. “Did you have fun today?”

“She sure did,” Jake giggles, handing you a giant plastic bag full of sea creature toys. “She used me for all I’m worth in the form of stuffed animals.” 

“I’d say so,” you chuckle as you note the sheer weight of this thing.  

He helps her down from the car and she instantly attaches herself to you, giving your legs as big a hug as she can. 

“I better get goin’,” he tells you as he shuts the back door, leaning down for one more hug and kiss from Lara. “Better give all of those guys names,” He says, pointing to the full bag of new stuffies he bought for her. “I’m counting on some good ones, okay?” 

She agrees to that as she tells him goodbye, hugging him tight around his neck. 

He offers you a farewell as he begins to walk to the driver's side door, but before he makes it all the way inside, you pick Lara up and follow him around the car. “Hey, Jake?” 

He hums as he turns to face you, holding the car door open. “What’s up?”

“Are you doing anything tomorrow night? I mean, are you working or anything? I may need you to sit with Lara for a few hours.”

He pauses in thought for a moment, shaking his head as a smile begins to form on his lips. “No, I don’t have anything going on. Why? Got a hot date?” He laughs, throwing you a sly wink.

You know he’s joking, but his question still sent lightening bolts through your body when he said it. And the fact that your answer to it is most certainly not what he’s expecting is working to sharpen your nerves all the more. “Actually, yeah. I have a date tomorrow, yes.” 

The look on Jake’s face is one you’re not so familiar with. You can’t read it, but what you do know is he was caught off guard at your confession. He’s silent for more than a few seconds, longer than you would like. But after taking a moment to register, his grin begins to form once more. “No problem, I’ll come sit with her. Just give me a time and I’ll be here.”

You thank him as you begin to walk toward the house, Lara held snugly against your hip. You hear the car door shut, assuming he’s inside of it and reading himself to leave. 

But when you don’t hear the engine start, and when you do hear the clicking of his boots against the pavement, you realize he’s walking in your direction. 

“So who was able to finally get you to agree to a date?” He says as you turn on your heel to face him, adjusting Lara in your arms as she’s beginning to doze off, her head laying gently against your shoulder. “Do I know ‘em?”

As a matter of fact – 

“Y-yeah, I guess you used to know him.” 

You shouldn’t be anxious to tell him who it was. You know that. But, the fact that he wasn’t Cole’s biggest fan back in the day has you hesitant to tell him. Especially given his apparent crush on you that had Jake on edge more than once during that time. 

Still yet, part of you feels he has the right to know. Why? You can’t be sure. But you’re also not too keen on keeping things from him. 

He’s looking at you softly, inquisitively. You can’t be sure, but if you had to guess, you’d say he’s holding his breath at the suspense over the name that’s about to leave your lips. 

“Do you remember Cole? From high school?”

That look he gave you when you confirmed his date theory is back. Only this time, it’s here to stay. There’s no smile following the dropping of his features, the confused curve of his dark brows. “Wait – Robinson? You’re going on a date with Cole Robinson?” He asks, pure shock laced in his question. 

When you timidly nod your head to corroborate his suspicion, he grins again. But this grin is more of a mocking one, something you certainly didn’t expect. 

“You’re going out with that airhead? Geez,” he huffs, giggling more to himself than anything. “I told you that numbnuts always had the hots for you. I thought he got married to Olivia – did that fall apart, too?”

The way he said it, did that fall apart, too? – it felt more like he was insinuating that that was what happened to the two of you as well. It felt more like he was asking, “were they destined to the same terrible fate as you and I?”

It hurt to hear him say that, for whatever reason that you can’t quite pinpoint at the moment. You know he didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it. That’s your problem, not his. 

Regardless, he is correct in his assumption. 

“They split a while ago. She wanted to live the big city life, and he just didn’t have the same desire to do so.” 

A cock of his eyebrow tells you he caught on to the same parallels you did when you had that conversation with Cole. He sighs as he rubs his lower chin, then adjusts his black Ray-Bans before tucking the same hand in the pocket of his linen khakis. “What’s mister Cole up to these days, anyway?” 

You ignore the slight sneer in the way he enunciates Cole’s name, resisting the urge to roll your eyes. “Well, funny enough, he’s a writer for The Lantern. He writes anonymously.” 

“Oh, a writer,” he says, his smirk softening some. “I guess that works out pretty well, then. What are the odds, huh?” 

His tone sounds more sincere than before. Sincere enough, at least. “Yeah, I thought so too,” you agree, matching his smile as best you can. For a moment, you wonder if you’re truly making the right choice in going on this date. His reaction certainly forces you to question it, but ultimately, the decision feels like the right one. Even if nothing comes from it, at least you can say you tried. 

Tried to put yourself out there, tried to give someone else a shot at winning your heart, tried moving on from Jake.

“Like I said, just let me know what time I need to be here. I’ll see you then, okay?”

With that, he nods his head and walks back toward his Buick, leaving you with a thousand different emotions circling your brain all at once. A mix of guilt and excitement being the most prominent, the ones that, on their own, are overwhelming enough. But when they work together, it’s a conundrum that leaves a far more intense feeling in the wake. 

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Jake will be here any second to stay with Lara, and you tried to be ready before then. But after spending the last hour trying on outfits, and still having no clue what to wear, your hope of being ready by that time is dwindling further and further. 

Precious as little Lara is, she’s been particularly in need of your attention this afternoon. Having to stop what you’re doing every few minutes to give that to her hasn’t helped in getting yourself ready by a certain time. 

And as if you’re not petrified enough over the date itself, the thought of seeing Jake before and after said date has your head in quite the tizzy. 

So, the combination of that mixed with the sweet toddler that needs you right now is enough to make you want to back out of this whole thing completely. That, along with the fact that you’re a bit put off by a recent text you received from Cole. 

The initial plan was that he’d come pick you up, but he has since asked for you to meet him at the restaurant. 

Your feminist view doesn’t mind driving yourself at all. You’ve never needed to rely on a man for things as silly as transportation. 

But, being this is your first date in god knows how long – well, it’d be nice to receive the full treatment. 

Alas, you won’t raise a fuss over it. Perhaps it’s a good thing to have a getaway car in case the evening turns to utter shit. A terrible way to view it, of course. But you’re cynical to your core. 

After breaking a sweat over trying on your fifth outfit of the evening, you decide to hell with it. The fifth and final ensemble will have to do. You don’t have the energy to keep doing this, and time continues to work against you. If you want to be able to leave as soon as Jake gets here, which will be in a matter of minutes, this look wins the trophy. 

Though, it is a tad revealing. A little more risque than any outfit you’ve put on your body since giving birth. It’s probably nothing to someone who hasn’t had a baby in the last few years, but for you, it’s a bit of a bold choice. 

Being a mom, it feels a little strange to be wearing the cropped knitted, dark emerald sweater and a black suede mini skirt. An outfit you’re pretty sure you’ve owned since high school. You’ve certainly earned a few more curves since then, but the pieces surprisingly fit pretty well, especially considering it’s been about seven years since you last wore them. 

You certainly don’t remember your boobs filling out the sweater nearly as much then, or your ass stretching the suede fabric the way it does now. But, as you’ve reminded yourself of at least a hundred times since yesterday, this is your first date in years. There’s no harm in looking a little sexier than normal. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you can’t show off a little. This body of yours went through hell. It’s okay to put a little pride in it. 

You do, however, want to throw on a pair of black pantyhose underneath the skirt. Mostly for some extra warmth, as it’s more than a few degrees below freezing outside. Though you’re no stranger to the frigid Wyoming winters, it’s probably best to add a few more layers. 

So, after wiggling yourself into those, putting on some black heeled ankle boots, the outfit is about as good as it’ll get. And, looking at every angle possible in the bathroom mirror as you finish up your makeup, you’re actually really happy with the way you look. The first full face of makeup you’ve worn in quite a while, and freshly washed and styled hair in lieu of the frizzy mane you typically sport. 

Even little Lara approves, telling you that you look like a ‘Disney Princess’ in her sweet voice. You’re certainly no princess, but you’ll  accept the compliment, no less.  Afterall, they say kids her age are always honest. They don’t know how to lie just yet. So, maybe there’s a little truth to her statement. 

Or, she just loves her mom enough to equate her to such beauty. And that alone is enough to boost the remaining bits of confidence you need to make the final move of getting yourself out of the house. 

As you add one more coat of hairspray to ensure these curling iron waves stay put, you hear a knocking at the front door, followed by quick footsteps in that direction and ‘daddys here!’ at an ear-piercing decibel. 

And suddenly, the nerves are back in full force, sitting sharply in your chest and the pit of your tummy. There’s no question as to why. Jake will always make you at least a little nervous every time you see him, but tonight's events are only serving to heighten it even more. 

Yet again, you find yourself begging the question; why does he still have this effect on you?

You haven’t made it out of the bathroom yet to let him in, but Lara, with all of her tiny might, has somehow managed to unlock the door. (Something she’s not been able to do until tonight.)

“Oh! I didn’t expect you behind the door, little one!” Jake’s voice sounds just as shocked as you feel. So, finishing up on your lips and smoothing down a few unruly baby hairs, you shut off the light to leave the bathroom as he asks her a question. “Have we officially learned how to unlock the door?” 

Just as you’re rounding the corner, you hear a giggle from Lara as you watch Jake pick her up and toss her in the air a few times. He’s over and over calling her a “little Einstein” as your brain tumbles over itself. It’s chaos inside your mind as you contemplate your date, being around Jake while dressed like this, and the fact that your toddler apparently knows how to unlock and open a damned door, now. 

Comforting. And now another reason to keep your eyes on her at all times. 

“This ability of hers is new to me as well, you must know,” you say as you round the corner from the hallway and into the living room, putting a pair of golden hoops in your ears that you grabbed from the bedroom earlier.

But he doesn’t look at you right away, his attention still on Laramie. You take advantage of his distraction, able to take in his appearance. He steals your breath on sight. And for some reason, seeing how incredible he looks (as he always does), makes you feel even more nervous about your own revealing attire. 

He’s wearing his go-to. A button down, opened all the way to the top of his belly button and a pair of linen pants. No matter how many times you see him in a variation of the same outfit, you will forever be taken aback by his beauty, those movie star looks you’ve always loved. 

And the golden tan he’s sporting from his travels is no good for you and your overly present jitters. 

To avoid your heart tripping over itself at your ex husband, you turn to the counter to grab your normal, smaller shoulder bag. It’s a Mary Poppins bag of sorts as it somehow still fits an extra outfit for Lara and a travel set of emergency wipes. You take the outfit and wipes out to make space for your lipstick, a mini body spray, and a tube of mascara. It hurts a bit to take out the little pieces of your baby girl. You haven’t had to do so once since she’s been here and you don’t like doing it now. And doing so is causing your mind to swirl even more with the thought of bringing another man home and how you would explain that to her. Not that you’re already planning a future with Cole, but the future scenario is running rampant through your thoughts. She is, afterall, the center of your world. Every decision you make for you also affects her. 

Don’t cancel the date, y/n. You’re getting too far ahead of yourself. Just go for it. See what happens. You owe it to yourself. God knows Jake has done it plenty.

You sigh, the inner encouragement just enough to help you (semi-grimly) clasp your bag shut and grab your keys from the hook by the door. With a press of the automatic start, you look out the window beside the door to make sure your car has started. 

When the lights flash on, you open your bag once more to tuck the keys inside. At that, you decide it’s time to face what your night entails and that means saying goodbye to your babygirl. You really don’t want to — which is why you’re dragging your feet — but you have to. If you intend to put yourself out there like this, you have to get out of your house.

With a spin of your heel, you turn to see Jake, knelt on the ground, eye-level with your little girl. So, following his lead, you kneel down to your sweet Lara and hold your arms out for her. She immediately comes barreling towards you and you tuck your face into her strawberry-scented curls. Her hair is still slightly damp from bath time an hour or so ago. And, once you feel her arms loosen and fall from around her neck, you pull back to run your fingers through the thin strands.

The same exact texture as Jake’s when it's wet. Just one more of the endless list of things you love about her.

Your smile is genuine for her, but you also feel this need to put on a sort of facade for Jake. It’s strange, but it feels necessary given these slightly odd circumstances. 

You’re truly dreading tonight. A feeling you’re trying really hard to not leave the house with. Your whole world is in this house. And you’re about to leave her – leave them – to meet with a guy who couldn’t even be gentlemanly enough to pick you up. But you’re doing everything you can to go into this with an open mind, a willingness to give it a try despite the seemingly never ending signs that you maybe shouldn’t be doing this.

Lara steals your attention when her soft, chubby little hands grab your cheeks. And, very seriously, she looks into your eyes with hers that are the very same shape as her father’s. 

After a few moments of looking into your eyes with a sincerity that most toddlers don’t have, she tells you, “So beautiful, mommy.” Her eyes are still locked with yours as she smiles ear to ear, her button nose scrunched up. 

You blink back tears, your smile shaky and lips quivering as you reach forward to tuck some hair behind her tiny ear. “Well, thank you, baby girl.” But, you can’t help but wonder…you’ve never heard her say beautiful before. That’s a big word. Too big for her to use so confidently without having used it ever before. With you, at least.

You lean forward and give her a kiss. Your knees are starting to hurt, still in a squatting position, but Jake is still squatting, too. The moment is too sweet to give it up just yet. This is more important to you than being a little late to meet Cole. He can wait. This can’t.

Taking advantage of being at her height, you ask Lara with a raised brow and gentle smile. “And where did you learn the word beautiful, my love?”

“Daddy says it all the time,” she excitedly explains, her focus shifting to her hand coming to mess with a necklace you’d put on. Toying with it carefully between her fingers, as she often does when you wear it.

A little mountain range engraved on the front of the silver pendant. 

Jake had actually bought it for you, giving it to you the day you’d brought her into this world. The mountains were meant to resemble one specific range, the name of which, etched on the back of the pendant. 

Laramie

You’d asked him, then, if he’d bought it that way. The range, one you would recognize anywhere. But he’d clarified that he’d special ordered it. A picture of the mountains he’d taken himself on the day you said your vows, the very way their peeks touched the horizon printed on the sterling silver. He sent in the photo to be materialized on the sterling for you to wear around your neck.

After he’d said it, you’d felt silly for asking. The picture was one you’d loved so much that you’d printed it huge to hang above your couch. You’d gasped at the details of the image, the closer you eyed the small piece of silver.

“And I took it to a local jeweler to have her name put on the back,” he’d explained, as you handed him the necklace, asking him to help you put it on. As he clasped the dainty chain around your neck, he’d finished his explanation. “I want you to have a piece of her with you, everywhere you go.”

“And a piece of you,” you’d added, tearfully, patting the silver that laid perfectly against your chest. The moment, so serene, as your newborn baby slept in a bassinet at your bedside. 

Yes, you’d absolutely decided to wear it tonight. You need the extra comfort the necklace brings as you throw yourself out into the world in a way you have put off for far too long. A world that is altogether separate from the two you’re next to right now. Yet another reason for your hesitancy in taking this leap. 

This date…it feels as though it’s closing the door on your life with Jake for good. The divorce was finalized a few years ago, but something about going on this date tonight makes it feel more official somehow. It’s a forceful closure for you. Feels that way, at least. 

So, the necklace will be good company for you tonight. Something familiar to you as you dive headfirst into something you’re not so familiar (or comfortable) with. 

The subtle buzzing of your phone inside your bag, more than likely a text from Cole, lulls you from the melancholic, yet peaceful memory. A reminder that you do have somewhere you need to be, and you’re already late enough as it is. Not that he’s more important than what’s happening right now with little Lara. And with Jake, who’s been quietly observing this whole time. 

Leaving her (and him) feels harder than ever. But this has to be done. If for nothing else, for you. 

“Mommy will see you soon, baby girl. Be good for daddy, okay?” You say, just as Jake stands from his squatted position. Sealing your request with one more kiss to her nose, you decide to follow his lead. You know that if you don’t end this now, you never will. 

The ache in your knees has you lifting yourself a little slower than you’d like, groaning at the stiffness in your joints. A lovely gift that pregnancy left you. Having the body of a grandma while still in your twenties has been a humbling experience, to say the least.

Jake must sense your struggles as he quietly offers a hand to help. You don’t look up at him as you take him up on his offer, setting your hand in his, wrapping your fingers around it to ensure a good enough grip. 

Once steady enough, you pull yourself up with ease, feeling the pain in your knees instantly subside as you place your weight in his hand.

“Thanks,” you sigh as you stand, adjusting your bag over your shoulder, doing everything you can to avoid making eye contact with him. You’ve suddenly realized how close he is to you, only inches away as he’s standing stock-still in front of you. Out of instinct, you back away a step, afraid you’ll make him uncomfortable by being so close to you. 

But once you do, you make the mistake of looking at him, finding that his eyes are fixed on you. His eyes, following a slow path down your body, then back up to meet yours. His mouth is parted slightly, his thumb and index finger rubbing his chin as his teeth nibble at his bottom lip.

It’s silent. Dreadfully silent as you’re looking at one another. The air between you feels like a ton of bricks, thick and heavy. 

You don’t know what to say to break it, and he clearly doesn’t, either. The moment stays silent for even longer, and all you want is to know what he is thinking that’s keeping him this quiet. 

The way you could always tell what he was thinking was by looking into his eyes. His eyes have always said what he was thinking before his thoughts made it to his lips. But you find that you can’t read them anymore. Not like you used to, at least. 

But from what you can tell – he’s deep in thought. 

While neither of you can manage to speak a single word to each other, Lara provides a relieving end to the silence by telling Jake that she’s hungry. 

Clearing his throat and blinking his eyes a few times, he looks down to her as she’s now tugging at the hem of his shirt to get his attention. “I’ll make us dinner, little one. Just as soon as mommy leaves.” 

With that statement, he looks to you again, clearing his throat once more as he runs a hand through his hair. “You, um – you look nice.” Lara, still tugging away at his clothes, shouts ‘beautiful, daddy, beautiful!’ until her lungs run out of breath. He looks down at her, smiling, his cheeks flushing. “You better get going, y/n. Can’t leave the guy waiting too long.” He doesn’t look at you as he speaks, only looking at Lara. 

Nice. You look nice. 

Even Lara gave you a more sincere compliment. She even tried to correct him, to which he just smiled and basically told you to leave. 

With one more quick goodbye, you grab your coat from the rack and head out the door, feeling foolish as you do.

You feel foolish because, subconsciously, part of you hoped Jake would take one look at you and tell you not to go. Beg you not to go. 

But that didn’t happen. And it’s ridiculous of you to even think that it could. 

He’s over you. He’s been over you. That’s a fact you need to accept. Stop holding on to the past that he is certainly not holding on to. 

Despite the overwhelming sense of dread, you know that tonight needs to happen. 

It’s time to move on. For good. 

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Another reason you were put off by this date is the fact that Cole chose the place without worrying to gather your input. Granted, you could’ve just given him your unsolicited opinion, but the urge wasn’t strong enough to risk any awkward tension that could arise from such a thing.

So, you’ll settle for one of your least favorite eateries in town – a bar and restaurant combo called The Main Street Tavern.

Cole must be a bit trapped in his younger days, because this place was quite the popular joint when you were teenagers. You haven’t been here in years, and sitting in your car in front of the tired building is bringing back some memories you’re not too keen on being reminded of. 

He’s just sent you a text telling you where he’s seated, and with the confirmation that he’s here, you take a deep breath, reaching for your necklace for comfort as you pull yourself away from your car. Upon walking in, the smell of bitter booze and greasy food hits you like a train the instant you step through the door. The smell of the booze in particular reminds you of the days when you hadn’t learned your drinking limit. An uncomfortable wave of nausea suddenly overwhelms you at the thought, but breathing through it, you locate Cole sitting in a booth to the left of the bartop.

He’s waving your way, making sure you can see where he’s at. Oh, you can see him, alright. Though his image is a bit foggy from the billows of smoke coming from the party of four sitting at the table next to him, each one of them puffing a cigarette. 

How romantic.

“Hey!” He says as you approach him, fighting with yourself to make sure you’re wearing a smile. Fake or not. “Remember this old place? I just can’t resist the good ol’ nostalgia of it. Brings you right back, doesn’t it?” 

You’re starting to get the impression that Cole probably hit his peak in high school. And for some reason, given everything that you knew about him then, that doesn’t entirely surprise you. As you sit yourself on the plastic covered seat across from him, you’re becoming aware that you are not looking at the same Cole you saw at the coffee shop yesterday. 

Yeah, he’s handsome. Outwardly, at least. Chiseled jaw and all. But there’s something different about his eyes tonight. They seemed…kind yesterday. But right now, there’s something strange about them. 

Perhaps it’s the alcohol he’s already ingested, as evidenced by the three bent cans of beer sitting in front of him. 

How long has he been here?

“You look awesome,” he says, staring directly at your chest as he does so. “Like I said, you haven't changed a bit.” 

I definitely have. But you? Not so much, apparently. 

“Uh, thanks,” you respond, finding it hard to mask your unimpressed tone. Suddenly feeling like you need to bolt, you keep yourself where you are by rubbing your thumb over the engraved mountains on your necklace, using it to help you find the courage to open the sticky menu in front of you.

Don’t give up, you think. Just see this through so you can say you did it.

“Yeah, I haven’t been here in ages. I think I was a senior the last time I came here,” you say as you skim through the menu items, unable to find anything that remotely sounds appetizing. You didn’t even like this place as a kid. And as a woman in her twenties? Yeah, you’re still disgusted by even the thought of it.“Do you come here often?”

“It’s kind of my weekend joint. I just can’t get enough of this place.” 

Shocker.

“Know what you’re getting?” He asks you as he’s flagging down the nearest waitress. Before you can say hell no, he’s giving the young girl his order. Not looking at the menu, either. He knows what he wants from memory. 

She then looks to you, waiting with slightly annoyed eyes for your order. Not knowing what to get, you just say the first thing that comes to your mind. “Um, I’ll just have the chicken strip basket. With ranch, please. And a water to drink.” You smile at her and thank her as you hand her the menu, but she doesn’t even bother looking up from her notepad she’s jotting your order on. 

With a quiet nod of her head, she takes the menu from you and begins to walk away, only to be stopped by Cole before she makes it to the kitchen. “I’ll take another can of  Keystone. Actually, make that two more.” He looks at you with a wink, and you’re suddenly feeling that nauseous feeling creeping up once more.

Does he think that’s a turn on? Sure, you enjoy a glass of wine here and there. A margarita when you’re really treating yourself. 

But five beers on a date, the first date, is a little more than insane. 

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The food is taking forever to make it to your table. The last twenty or so minutes have been spent with him talking your ear off about whatever beer-induced bullshit he can come up with. And still, he can’t seem to keep his eyes off of your breasts. 

It’s been miserable, to say the least. Because of this shitty restaurant that you’ve never enjoyed, because of Cole being the one you’re here with, and because you can’t stop thinking about the man that’s sitting at home right now with your daughter. 

You and Jake were just kids when you started dating, but even as young as he was, he always made sure your dates were special. Even after you got engaged, and during the short duration of your marriage. Every outing was magical. 

The fact that Jake is the only person you’ve ever dated certainly set the bar high for any future dates. So, it’s not all Cole’s fault that you’re having a terrible time. You have the standard set by Jake to thank for some of what you’re feeling. 

But, Cole could’ve done better. He’s not even dressed nearly as nice as you are. That doesn’t really matter, but for a first date, it kind of feels like a bit more effort than usual should be exercised. More than just showing up in a hoodie and some jeans. 

Finally, the food arrives just as Cole was in the middle of telling you about his brother that was almost drafted for the NFL. As of you give a fuck one about sports. But, he wouldn’t know that, seeing as he hasn’t given you an inch tonight. 

The chicken tenders you ordered are placed in a red plastic basket, sitting on top of a piece of white, oil stained tissue paper. You’re not picky by any means, but this looks less than appetising. The sheer amount of grease alone would turn anyone off.

Well, anyone but Cole. He’s already digging into his triple burger that seems to be loaded with even more grease than your sad entre. And he’s loving it, apparently, based on the slew of noises he’s making as he takes bite after disgusting bite. Your appetite was waning the moment you walked inside this place, but it’s completely gone now. 

The thought of taking even one bite of this food has you feeling you could gag. Sipping your water is the only thing keeping you from doing so, and even that tastes weird. How a place could be so horrible that the water is bad is beyond you. But at this point, you’re no longer shocked by it. You’ve just accepted it.

Shoving in the last mouthful of his burger, he washes it down with his fifth can of beer, finishing it off with his last bite of food. “Never misses,” he says, wiping the remnants of beer and ketchup from his mouth with the back of his hand.

You haven’t even touched your food, but he’s too drunk to even notice. And while he hasn’t noticed that, he’s certainly not shying away from giving you a look that says more than you really want it to. Grinning ear to ear, he tosses you another wink, to which you respond with a stone cold expression. No more faking it tonight. He doesn’t deserve even that. 

The waitress comes back to gather his empty plate, asking you if you’re done with yours. You say yes, letting her take the basket and ridding yourself of the foul food once and for all. “This all on one check?” She asks, and without giving it any thought, Cole proceeds to tell her that it will be on separate checks. 

Again, the feminist in you normally wouldn’t care to pick up your own tab. But after this shitfest of a date, the fact that you had to drive yourself, and pay for your meal (that you didn’t eat) does not sit comfortably with you.

The disgust should be quite evident on your face, though the alcohol he’s ingested is probably prohibiting him from being able to pick up on that cue. 

He begins blabbing about some more bullshit when the waitress brings you your checks. You’ve got your credit card ready to hand to her as soon as she does, ready to pay and get the hell out of here and away from Cole.

As you’re waiting for her to bring back your card and receipt, Cole begins yet another spiel about where in town his place is, and how Olivia left behind a lot of her clothes and other things there when she left him. You’re so preoccupied with wanting to leave that you don’t fully register what he’s saying. But as you’re listening a little more intently, you hear him say the very thing that sets you off. “So you’ll have something to change into if you didn’t bring any extra clothes. That way you can be comfortable,” he says, slurring his words, smiling in a way that makes you want to slap it off his face. 

And with that, your every effort to remain cordial has flown straight out of the window. 

“Excuse me?” You  say, the volume of your voice wiping that stupid grin off his lips. Good. “I don’t know how you thought your night was going to end, but I can promise you that mine will not end anywhere near your place.” His eyes, saggy from the effects of the alcohol, widen, his mouth falling open. And for the first time tonight, his open mouth isn’t spewing some utter bullshit that you don’t want to hear. 

Right on cue, the waitress drops your card and receipt off with you. Throwing them mindlessly in your bag, you shoot up from your seat, draping your coat around your shoulders in one quick movement. “You’re out of your fucking mind if you think I’m ever going to willingly see you again after tonight. Jake was right about you.”  

“W-what?” He exclaims, clumsily standing up and tripping over his own feet as he walks out from the booth. “Well damn, I guess I thought we would fu –.”

“You thought wrong!” You shout, interrupting him before he can even say the word. You then shove him out of your way as he starts moving closer to you, and as you're beginning to leave, a man with a manager's tag on his shirt approaches you, asking if you’re okay.

“I’m fine,” you tell him, calmly as you can. “But someone needs to call an Uber for him,” you continue, pointing towards Cole, who is staring at you with a confused, inebriated look. “Do not let him leave like this. He’s in no condition to drive and I do not feel comfortable taking him home.”

The manager appears rather frustrated, and he begins to tell you that this is a weekly occurrence with Cole. “We have to arrange a ride for him almost every time he comes in,” he says. “I think this will be the last time we let this happen. I’ve let him get away with this behavior for too long.” 

Without giving Cole another glance, you walk yourself out to your car, bidding a final farewell to this place, to this night, for good.

↟ᨒ.⊹݁⚘⊹⚘⊹⚘ ⊹.ᨒ↟

The road ahead appears blurred in the wake of your tears. Traffic lights are heavy and intense, glowing intrusively bright. You just want to get home, yet the roads seem to stretch longer and longer the further you drive.

But, perhaps that’s a good thing. It’s best you let your emotions run their course before you get home to see Jake, the last person you want to see you like this. For all he knows, tonight was made of all your wildest dreams. And if that’s what he believes, you’re not going to do anything that would make him suspect otherwise. It’s fine to let yourself cry on the way home, getting it out of your system completely as you pull into the driveway of your home, sitting inside the vehicle for a few minutes longer to give the tears a chance to dry up.

Parking right next to Jake’s Buick certainly isn’t helping matters, but it’s somehow serving as a comfort all at once.

The first thing you notice as you walk inside is how clean the place is. Spotless. Utterly. From top to bottom. It smells like freshly cut roses and a homemade meal, probably something Jake whipped up in the kitchen while you were out. 

But the second thing you notice, is the two of them are nowhere to be found. Though, you wouldn’t be surprised if Lara is tucked away in bed, given it’s nearly midnight. Hours beyond her bedtime. You’d hope she’s asleep, at least. Jake has been known to let her stay up late a time or two, letting her watch whatever Disney film her little heart desires and eat endless snacks. 

That doesn’t appear to be the case tonight, as the house is silent, save for the creaking sounds it makes as it settles into the worn foundation overnight. 

Kicking your boots off by the front door, your pantyhose clad feet quietly pad across the carpet toward the hallway that leads to her room. The door is closed, so you place your ear to the old wood, hearing the tiniest, faintest snores emitting from the other side. 

That certainly confirms that she’s sound asleep in her bed, but that doesn’t answer your other question; where is Jake? Surely he’s not asleep in your room. And he’s not in the bathroom, as that door is wide open and sans Jake. The freshly cleaned kitchen was empty when you walked by it, so that truly leaves only one more possibility. 

Gentle as you can, you turn the solid gold door knob clockwise, wincing when the door creaks as you slowly push it open. Her ceiling is covered in nighttime stars from her beloved galaxy projector, casting her room in a quiet glow.

And, as you somehow already knew, Jake is resting on a make-shift bed of Disney princess blankets and star shaped pillows, positioned almost the very same as your daughter. On his side, knees tucked practically to his chest, just like her. It’s always been a wonder to you how he’s able to sleep that way, folding his body in ways that would leave yours aching for days. 

As Lara has grown, she's begun to sleep the very same. A trait you’re so happy that she picked up from him. 

There’s an opened book sitting on the floor next to him – he was probably in the middle of reading it when she fell asleep, and decided to rest his own eyes as well. You begin to feel your heart both flutter and ache at the vision, adoring it yet altogether wishing it was always like this. Though you know better than to dream of such foolish things, it doesn’t stop you from yearning for it. 

It’s beautiful. It’s how it should be. But, it just isn’t. 

You’re certain he didn’t plan on sleeping here tonight, but you can’t find it in you to wake him. He looks so peaceful, so tranquil. There’s no sense in waking him up to leave. So, as carefully as you opened it, you close the door as you step back out to the hallway, letting the two of them stay just as they are. 

And while they are able to sleep and rest their minds, you know that won’t be an easy feat for you tonight. Probably down right impossible, in truth. 

Because you couldn’t eat at the restaurant, and now that you’re home and not in the presence of Cole, your empty stomach is begging you to put something in it. With sleep feeling ever so distant and nearly impossible to reach, your mind begins to focus on the meal Jake made that’s left the most tantalizing aroma in the house. 

As you step into the kitchen, the smell is all the more inviting. And as you’re nearing the refrigerator, the scent begins to take on something more familiar to you. Something he’s made before, something he made often during your marriage. 

A casserole dish, covered loosely in aluminum foil, sits on the middle shelf. You realize the bottom of it is still warm as you carefully pull it out. Not hot, just warm. As though it’s not been in there for too long. Before you remove its cover, you’re already certain you know just what it is. And if you’re correct, it’ll only cause your heart to ache even further. 

The fresh tomatoes, the parmesan, pepperjack, and mozzarella cheese melted together, the smell of buttery garlic – it’s a dish you requested often in your marriage, especially when you were pregnant with Lara. 

A cheese ravioli bake, but not just any cheese ravioli bake – Jake’s cheese ravioli bake. He concocted this very special recipe just to your liking, using the perfect blend of grated cheeses and tomatoes that had never seen the inside of a can. (Because, yes – they do taste better.) 

The raviolis were always made from scratch, Jake’s signature touch that you loved so much. The special shapes of the noodles always made the meal taste at least ten times better than any other dish with raviolis, silly as it may sound. You’ve never been much of a meat-eater, so he never bothered with adding anything more than fresh herbs and cheese. 

And, it’s baked in the same casserole dish he used to make it in. The white corningware with the little blue flowers on the sides, one that came from your grandma ages ago. It was always Jake’s favorite to cook with, so there’s no surprise he used it tonight. 

As though your ex husband knew the inner workings of your brain tonight, it’s like he knew you’d need something comforting and familiar once you got home. Whether or not he truly did it for you, it just doesn’t matter at this moment. It’s here, and it’s enough to take your mind off of the shit evening you’ve had. 

And while there is comfort in it, it does serve as a symbol for part of the reason tonight was so awful – you want this again. This food, Jake sleeping in the house again, his aura hovering around the place he once called home. The home that he shared with you. 

Peeling back the foil leaves no surprise. The fact that you knew this meal from the aroma alone tells you more than you truly want to confront. 

You’re far too hungry to bother with heating it back up. Jabbing your fork right in the center of the dish, grabbing the biggest glob of cheese you can fit on the silver prongs, you reach it up to your open mouth. It tastes the very same it always had, forcing your mind to linger on the days of your pregnancy when you craved this more than anything. 

It feels strange to taste again, knowing that the last time these very distinct flavors sat on your tongue, you were still married to the man that made it. 

It’s comfortably familiar, yet melancholic all at once. There’s a tinge of sadness mixed in with the ingredients, one that almost overpowers the rest.

You’ve become so lost in the food that you don’t hear the creaking door from down the hall, or the soft footsteps against the carpet, coming closer and closer to where you’re standing. 

“How’d it go?” He whispers. 

And where the sudden sound of his voice should have made you jump, all it does is make your shoulders relax. After the night you’ve had, you need this. Need familiarity in the form of the man you’ve always loved.

And that distinct, sleepy rasp in his hushed tone that you’ve heard more times than you can recall… It makes the quietest grin reach your lips. 

It’s the way his voice would sound once he’d just woken up, or when he was too tired to speak in a normal tone. It was (and, apparently, still is) something that drove you mad with longing when you were together. After everything, hearing it still makes your tummy flutter, as much as you wish it didn’t. 

“I’m sorry, I tried not to wake you up,” you whisper, worried that you’ll wake Lara if you speak any louder. Setting the fork in the sink, you turn his direction to see a vision you weren’t prepared to witness. 

His shoulder is leaned up against the wall, and his drowsy, dark eyes are the first things that catch your attention. Your lingering eyes then notice his frizzy, untamed waves, sitting a few inches lower than they did when he was your husband. You’ve always loved his long hair, and him letting it grow even longer is even better.

He’s clad in only a worn white t-shirt with holes embellishing the stretched v-neck, and a pair of heather grey sweatpants, a specific look you grew quite fond of during your time together. He must have had the outfit packed in his bag he had with him, as this is not what he was wearing when you left earlier.

The waiting look about his features reminds you that he's just asked you a question, and it’s also reminding you that you’re taking an incredibly awkward amount of time to answer. The blood rushes to your cheeks once you realize that he’s caught on to your wandering eyes, scanning every detail of the man before you that you once thought you’d spend the rest of your life with. 

The words you want to say are on the tip of your tongue, sitting, weighted, at the forefront of your brain. The desire to spill every horrible detail about the night, to tell him that you now know why he hated Cole so much in  school is a burning one. You want to tell him every single thing. But what you want to say and what you should say are altogether quite different. 

The true answer to his question is more than your lips are physically willing to say. So, a simple lie will have to do. 

“It went pretty well,” you say, hopefully convincingly as you cover the food up once more with the metal wrapping. “I’d say a second date may be in the cards.” The words second date feel like fire against your tongue. The sound of them brings back that nauseated feeling you had sat with most of the night. 

But your eyes are fixed on the task at hand of ensuring the dish is properly covered, knowing that eye contact with him will surely expose your dishonesty. The words themselves are hard enough to vocalize as is, feeling like you have to force yourself to give them the breath to be heard. 

Eye contact or not, if anyone is going to know you well enough to recognize when you’re speaking untruths, huge untruths, it’s Jake. 

As you’re placing the dish back in the fridge, you make the mistake of glancing at him, his mouth upturned in a knowing smirk. 

There’s no more doubt that he can see past your facade, and the realist in you knows there’s no point in elaborating this lie any further. But you’re also not ready to let him in on how awful it truly was. You know how crazy it is to feel this way, but you’re embarrassed that it did go so poorly. 

You were hopeful. 

Hopeful that someone would be willing to love you again, hopeful of a future that doesn’t see you being alone. But most of all, you were ready to finally move past Jake. 

There’s nothing you want more than to be able to, truthfully, tell him that the night was beautiful. That Cole was a perfect gentleman and treated you to the most lovely evening you’ve ever had. 

The problem with that? It’s the furthest thing from the truth. The furthest possible thing. But even a lie as embellished as this is better than what the truth entails. 

“What?” You say, leaning against the fridge, as he continues to look at you. His eyes scan your features, as though you’re completely transparent and he can see right through to your mind. But you decide to continue your useless story, no matter how well he can read you. “It went well, Jake.” The sternness in your voice makes him lift a brow, sighing as he crosses his arms over his chest, still grinning. “Cole was…he was a really good date.”

Yikes. 

“He’s grown up a lot. He’s nothing like he was in high school, or whatever it was that made you hate him so much.” 

Lie. Lie after lie after. 

“You were wrong about him, Jake. And you’re still wrong about him. How would you know he hasn’t changed? You haven’t seen him in years.”

Now you’re getting ahead of yourself. And while you are ahead, you should probably stop. Based on the look he’s giving you, he isn’t buying a lick of it.  

“Never said he hadn’t, y/n. Why are you so set on making sure I know he’s changed? I’m not the one going on a second date with him. I don’t care if he’s changed,” he insists with a shrug of his shoulders, shooting you a condescending look that, mixed with his sarcastic tone, is really beginning to piss you off.

Whether you’re truly mad at him or mad at the fact that you’ve basically been caught in your ridiculous fib, you can’t tell. 

Either way, Jake is the source of your anger at the current moment. And after the events of tonight, you’re not in any place to put up with this attitude he’s shoving your way. 

“Why are you acting like this, Jake?” You snap, voice still hushed, but growing a touch louder. You push away from the fridge, going to point a finger at him. “You were the one that called him an airhead earlier, and I’m just making sure you know that the man who treated your ex wife to a beautiful dinner is not an airhead anymore. People grow, Jake. People can change. Some people, anyway.” 

His body visibly tenses at your words, and you’re plagued with a lot of guilt over them. Especially when considering the fact that he is undoubtedly correct in his assumptions about the man you went out with tonight. 

Though, you’ve just stepped into shit you didn’t mean to. This isn’t where you wanted the night to go: you, blaming Jake for the man who’d treated you so poorly tonight. You spent all night comparing him to the man Jake was — is. But you’ve begun a rant that you can’t quit now. 

And, he knows, as well as you, that you meant to allude to the fact that he is the one who hasn’t changed. 

But, you also know that that isn’t true. Not at all.

“What is that supposed to mean, y/n?” He asks, moving through the doorway of the kitchen, coming to stand right in front of you. He smells of patchouli mixed with earthy cedar, a familiar scent reminiscent of a cologne you bought for him ages ago. 

The both of you have managed to keep your voices at a low rumble this whole time to avoid waking Lara, but now that he’s standing so close to you, he no longer needs to speak above a whisper for you to be able to hear him. “Are you insinuating that I haven’t changed? Since when, y/n? Since high school? Since we were marri –.” 

“I don’t know, Jake.” Your walls are breaking, crumbling. You’re fighting the tears that are welling in your eyes, trying to swallow them down before he notices.

“You don’t know what, y/n?” He replies, using two fingers to bring your chin up to look at him. Like he used to do all of the time. You can’t remember the last time he did so. Yet, no matter how he lifts your face, you don’t meet his eyes. Can’t. Your cowardly ways have set in. “I need you to be honest with me, y/n.”

“I just – I –.” 

“I need you to be honest with me, Luna.”

Fuck. Not that nickname. Just like the chin raising, you can’t remember the last time he called you that. Marriage. A happier time in your marriage, at that, surely. 

However, you’ll never forget how or when he came up with it. The first time he used it. 

Your love for nature, something always held so closely and intimately between the two of you. When you were young kids, exploring the mountains from day to night, for days on end. Your summers, spent between mountains, where you’d spoken many things to each other. Shared many secrets. Created several sacred and sweet memories. 

One of these treasured memories was of an evening in the summer before your Junior year of high school. Only sixteen years old, practically babies. That was the summer that things felt different between you and Jake. It was one of those nights you can clearly recollect, vividly see in your memories. 

Stargazing with him, in a field of pink roses. This night, in particular, one of the reasons you’d wanted the influx of them littering the aisle at your wedding. 

This evening is also one forever held in your heart for what he’d told you. Wise beyond his years, full of so many words — always. Something you’ll always love about him. 

Laying in the field of roses in a hidden valley between mountain peaks, he’d spoken timeless words to you.

“You are like the moon, y/n. Y’know?”

You’d giggled, completely oblivious to where this was going. Your skin, still sunkissed and a little red from a full day of exploring in the mountains with your best and closest friend. The evening was winding down and you’d been near sleep when he’d whispered it into the night, his voice joining the crickets nightly songs.

“How am I like the moon?” You’d replied, turning a bit to look at him from the side of your eye. Though, he wasn’t looking at you. No, he was still gazing at the sky, watching as the sun made her final appearance for the day. Just beyond the highest peak of the mountains, the moon was rising, slow and steady. 

But you’d only watched him as he’d studied the sky. His face had brought you a serene sense of comfort from a very young age for you. His smile, always a source of your peace. 

“The moon… it’s so many things. It is so beautiful and it changes to show different phases on a never ending cycle,” he’d said, the muscles in his jaw flexing as he thought of his next words. “This cycle that we don’t really know the beginnings of, but we still trust it. Because we know, no matter what, that the moon will always be beautiful, no matter what phase it’s in. It will always change as it should. It’s trustworthy and fills the night sky with a light the sun could never.” 

You’d only stared at him in awe. His mind, the most incredible place. 

He’d continued, “It’s amazing how you can stare at the moon without its light blinding you. You can’t do that with the sun, it’s too painful to look at and admire. But not the moon. You can look at it for hours with no pain. Only beauty.”

He always had a way of making you think. Deeply think. His words always came together so beautifully to express what was on his mind, putting you in his mind right along with him. 

“Wow, Jake,” you’d sighed, rolling to lay on your back to resemble him and stare at the sky. The moon had been full that night. A full moon, your favorite to adventure beneath with him. “I don’t know how your brain does that,” you’d breathed on a slight laugh, blinking your eyes slowly as your lids still felt heavy.

“Does what?” He’d chuckled along with the slightest snort. From your peripheral, you’d noticed him glance at you. But you kept your eyes trained on the black sky above, thinking about how it wasn’t painful to look at the moon. You stared at it, admiring it, just as he had said.

“Thinks of these things — it’s so deep,” you’d giggled, looking over at him to catch his eyes. But, he was back to watching the stars twinkle and the moon in its illustrious position over the mountains. Still, you focused on him with a glimmer in your eye. “You’re supposed to be thinking of Mrs. Thompson teaching us about the basics of moon phases last year — like I do when I look at the moon. Like all high schoolers who studied that should. But you’re thinking of that?”

“Well, I like to look deeper into things. You of all people should know this. And… when I find the deeper meaning of things, I always bring it back to you. I think it’s because we’re so close. I don’t know,” he’d replied, finally connecting eyes with you. Your tummy had done a weird flip thing it had just started doing when you were near Jake. It had been weird and new. You obviously hadn’t known it then, but it was the very beginning signs of a crush. “And I’ve been studying the phases for a while now, long before we took Mrs. Thompson’s class,” he paused, raising a brow at you with a smile. And, as the tummy thing was happening again, a blush made its way to your cheeks. “You know that, too, y/n.”

“Yes,” you’d answered with a few slow, measured blinks. No longer tired as he’d caught your attention, but you didn’t know what else to blame your slow thinking on. It must’ve been related to your sleepiness from before. You hadn’t known what else it could’ve been. “Just tired from the day, I guess…,” the words had trailed quietly from your mouth, his eyes, glowing from the moon's light, still holding yours. 

And the way they were holding yours, making you feel nervous and jittery in brand new ways when it came to Jake. He’d been searching them, seeming to look for something you weren’t sure he’d be able to find. 

You knew Jake’s expressions, new his eyes — through and through… but this had been new. This look. These eyes. There was something different in them, something in his soul that could only be fully reflected through them. 

“H-how am I like the moon, though?” The words were an almost-whisper in the warm final winds of late summer, feeling them becoming cooler in preparation for the transition to fall. “You never said that part.”

It had taken a few moments, but he’d finally blinked a few times and seemed to come back to. His gaze had gone back to the sky. Yours had, once again, followed, desperate to see the moon the way he did. 

“You’re always showing me new sides of you… your own phases. You’ve changed a lot over the last few years — I notice every little thing. I don’t know why,” he’d explained. “But no matter what… I know that I trust you. And I know that you will always be you, even in different phases.” 

The blush had rushed up to your cheeks, once more, and you hadn’t dared look at him. “Thanks, Jake. I trust you always, too.”

“And…,” he’d cleared his throat, a nervous trait of his that you knew all  too well. “I really think you’re so damn pretty, y/n… like the moon. But—,” he’d cleared his throat again. And, you would’ve looked to see if he was okay. But you were frozen — in shock. Hearing Jake call you pretty made your tummy flip yet again, and your heart flutter along with it.

Thankfully, you hadn’t needed to check on him, because he’d continued after a few solid and near-silent seconds of waiting. “The term moon doesn’t fit you. When people think of the moon, they think of the thing in the sky. But when I think of it, I think about all of the things that make the moon what it is. Just like I think of you. And that’s more than a simple thing in the sky. You are more than just a simple girl.”

Silence followed him. You hadn’t known what the heck to say. And you were afraid that anything you would try to say wouldn’t come out right.

“There’s a poem. Um, it’s called—called La Luna. It-it talks about the qualities of the moon and how they show in day-to-day life… and I loved it because it showed me… you are like my moon. I have you everyday and you’re trustworthy and you’re beautiful. Like the moon,” he’d said, matter of fact, with a sense of finality in his explanation. 

But, he wasn’t finished. There was a shaky breath held in the space between the two of you and the trees. And when you turned to watch him this time, he’d already been watching you. 

Propped on one arm, watching you, still. You followed his lead in leaning on your own elbow, a little grin on your face. It was just funny — you always seemed to follow him. And he, you. 

In almost every way, you two did the same. 

Even in certain silly actions. Little movements of your body that seemed correct because he was doing them. And if one of you did something, the other was doing it as well. 

His eyes searched yours, so inquisitive. And there had been a gentle scrunch of his untamed brows. He’d looked as if he was wondering and searching your soul—for answers you still don’t know. Don’t have.

The next thing that left his lips, though, you had known the answer to without the shadow of a doubt. And as soon as he asked it, you realized you’d been waiting for those words the entire time. 

“Can I – can I kiss you, y/n?” 

The answer, “yes” had slid past your lips without you even knowing it was happening. You hadn’t ever felt this way towards Jake, yet— way back then. But… giving him a kiss — in that particular moment — had just felt oddly right. Like it was supposed to happen. 

A puzzle piece, clicking into place. 

It’d barely registered that it had happened because it had happened so fast. 

He’d leaned over and you’d match him and went towards him just a touch. To meet him halfway.  

And then, he’d touched his lips so briefly to yours before pulling away. Then, he’d helped you up as your tummy had still flipped and flopped. The blush that had been on your cheeks, reaching all the way up to the tips of your ears.  

Your first kiss. You’d just had your first kiss. And with Jake. Your first and only best friend.

And that was why it was right. You were supposed to have your first kiss with him. 

Your walk home had involved shared breaths and a few mindless notes about the day’s adventures. Your worn tennis shoes, making the treasured crunching sound against gravel roads. The sound, now one of your favorites, after how many times you’d heard it growing up, hiking all around, with Jake. 

Then, right before you’d bid him goodnight as he dropped you off at your house that night, so long ago, he’d had one more thing to say. 

“You are my Luna, y/n,” he’d told you, his shaggy hair falling into his eyes as he’d tucked his hands into the pockets of his Aztec printed shorts. “My moon and my best friend.”

“You’re mine, too, Jake,” you’d said, plain and easy. 

After that night, things with you and Jake were never the same. And you were glad they weren’t. You didn’t know it then, but that night was the start of falling in love with him. The start of knowing, undoubtedly, that you would spend the rest of your life with him. 

He was your first and only kiss. Your first and only of everything else that happened in the years that followed.

He was your best friend then and your best friend always. And just as he’d explained how the moon was to him and how you were for him — that would always be him, for you. Still to this day, your mind always wanders to that night when you see the moon. To Jake’s face as he asked you to kiss him for the first time. 

And, because of all of this, that pet name has always been your breaking point. 

Fuck.

Here it comes. 

“Tonight was fucking terrible, Jake. He was such a prick and all he wanted was to fuck me and there was no way in hell I was going to let him do that.” 

Those tears you tried to hold back are flooding your cheeks, turning into sobs that you’re desperately trying to keep quiet so they don’t wake Lara. 

You fully expected Jake to hit you with an ‘I told you so,’ or laugh in your face over how pathetic you’re being.

But no. He doesn’t do either of those things. And you know Jake much better than to think he’d do that to you. That’s not the kind of person he is – he’s never been that kind of person. His heart is far too big to ever treat you that way, and you of all people should know that. It’s what made you fall in love with him in the first place.

So, no. He doesn’t do what your foolish mind had convinced you would happen. But what he does do is something you’ve dearly missed since the day he packed his things and moved out. Something you haven't felt in so long that you can’t really remember the last time it happened. 

Without another word, he reaches his arms out, pulling you into him. And you let him. You feel your tense and tired body instantly melt into him, your head resting against his chest, into the spot you used to naturally nuzzle yourself into. 

And just like that, every burden of the night has been lifted from your shoulders. You feel weightless in his arms again, being held in the safety of his embrace that, for most of your life, had been your place of refuge and solace. 

He’s not hugging you, he’s holding you. Keeping you stable, warm. It feels as wonderful as it always had, like nothing has truly changed. 

“I’m sorry, Luna,” he whispers into your hair, resting his chin on the top of your head. “You deserve better than him. You deserve a lot better.”

Hearing him say those words, that you deserve better…

You don’t know if you believe that. If you truly do deserve better, then you’d still be with the only man you’ve ever loved, the only man who has ever loved you. 

The one holding you in his arms at this very moment. 

There are a thousand things you want to say, that you want to scream. But in your heart of hearts, there’s only one thing you really want right now. Something that doesn’t require any words, any apologies or excuses for things that are tucked away in the past. Things that feel so distant that they don’t seem to matter anymore. Not right now, at least.

Everything that has happened tonight has made you wonder if the divorce really was the right option. There’s no doubt you needed a separation, but the reasons as to why the divorce came to be are suddenly fuzzy to you. And, as you so often have as of late, you wish it would’ve never happened in the first place. 

All these things that you have felt so heavily recently, encompassing you fully as you’re held in his arms for the first time in so long.

Though you can feel the quick beating of his heart against your ear, you can’t be entirely sure what he’s thinking. You want to see his face, see his eyes. Find out whatever it is that’s going through his mind that caused him to embrace you this way. 

Gently leaning away from him, he keeps his arms wrapped around you as you look up at him, into his eyes that once brought you so much peace. His eyes, that have always been his best way of communicating when his lips struggle to articulate what was on his heart. 

And right now, what you see reflected in his golden brown irises, are the words that you feel sitting on the tip of your own tongue. He lifts his hand, using his thumb to wipe away a stray tear. You lean your face into his hand and lightly kiss the pad of the very same thumb, tasting the salty tear it dried from your face. 

The intention in his face as he’s looking at you, holding your gaze with words unspoken, words from the last few years that neither one of you dared to utter. And still, as your eyes are holding his, words simply aren’t necessary to you. 

Cradling your face in his hand, thumb caressing your cheek as his eyes flit from yours to your lips, he mutters something unintelligible, a whispering you can’t quite make out as his face leans closer and closer. And as you begin to ask him what he said, he’s leaning down and his lips slowly collide with yours. His soft, supple lips; they feel so very much how you remember, the only difference being the subtle beginnings of a mustache on his upper lip. 

And the taste…the taste of Jake. A taste you’d never be able to replicate. It’s the one you’ve found yourself craving since the last time you relished in it.

The kiss lingers, lips making gentle movements, keeping their connection. You feel the weight of the last few years dissipate with the feeling of him. The feeling of his lips, a longing at last being met once again.

His arms hold you tighter, bringing you closer to him. His hand, steady and gentle, reaches up to the nape of your neck, fingers weaving through your hair. 

Tears flood your closed eyes once more, trickling down your skin, wetting his as they fall. Once he feels them, he slowly pulls away, your lips reluctant to let him part. With his other hand, just as he did before, he dries the new tears. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done tha –.”

“Jake,” you whisper, stopping him before he can needlessly apologize. “What did you say earlier? Before you –.”

“I said that you are beautiful,” he sighs. “So beautiful.” 

He searches your face, taking in every tiny detail of your features. His smile matches the one you’re wearing, and you swear you see the glint of a tear forming in his eye. “So, is that why Lara said the same thing earlier?” You ask, remembering her saying it nearly the same way he just did. 

“She may have heard me say it a time or two,” he giggles, his hand that dried your tears reaching up to dab at his own wet eyes. “I always tell her how beautiful she is, and that it’s because she looks just like her mommy.”

It’s funny, because to you, she gets her beauty from Jake. You see him when you see her. But to know that he sees you when he looks at her…

“Can I kiss you, Jake?” 

As though you needn’t truly ask, his lips quickly meet yours once more. Only this time, the kiss is deeper,  full of so much more than it was before. The fingers still weaved in your hair carefully tug at your locks, dull nails scratching at your scalp. Your flesh tingles when his tongue pushes past your lips, his breathing becoming heavier as he becomes hungrier for you.  

You push yourself into him as much as you can, lifting on your toes and wrapping your arms around his shoulders. His strong, sturdy shoulders that feel even stronger than the last time you felt them. 

And with this new position, he takes advantage of your strong hold on him, using one hand to lift you up, your legs now straddling his waist. His hand cups your ass, holding you still with pure ease as you kiss him harder than you ever have. 

Each of you, moaning and sighing, lips roughly colliding. 

Still holding you, he begins to walk backwards out of the kitchen, then carrying you down the hallway towards your bedroom. His lips never leaving yours until he makes it to your room, laying you down gently on the end of the mattress, your legs dangling from the edge.  

You prop yourself up on your elbows while Jake hovers over you, his feet still planted on the floor. There’s a gleam in his eye that you’ve seen before, so long ago. His skin, smooth and glowing from the gentle moonlight creeping in through your windows. A vision you know all too well. 

“That name,” you say, hushed. “You haven’t called me that in years. It – it was nice hearing you say it again. Really.” 

His smile as he looks down at you, one you’ve seen hundreds of times before, takes you right back to the beginning. Back to so many cherished moments with him that seemed to become lost altogether when the fights had started.

He breathes a chuckle through his nose, looking out the window towards the moon's glow, following its trail back to you. Leaning down closer, he nudges your cheek with his nose, his hair tickling your skin as  it falls over you. “You are my moon,” he whispers underneath your ear. “Always my moon. No matter what phase.” Tiny goosebumps begin pricking at your skin when his lips meet the skin under your ear. 

Suddenly, he stops, lifting away from you and moving towards the door. You’re left confused, worried that you’ve let this go too far. “Jake?” You ask, to which he only responds with a smile as he quickly and quietly walks out of the room. 

What the – ?

Sitting up, you start to stand up, feeling the need to go after him to figure out what is going on. 

But before you even make it off the bed, he’s walking back in, carrying his tote bag on his shoulder. 

“Lay back down,” he whispers, “Just like you were before.” Digging into his bag, he pulls out his Nikon before setting the leather satchel on the floor. “I am a photographer, so that means I naturally have an eye for beauty.” He turns his camera on as he walks toward you, adjusting a few of the settings. “You are a thing of pure beauty, and the moon is painting you perfectly with its light just where you are. I need to capture this.”

I should’ve known. 

Your heart begins to pound in your chest, the thrumming filling your ears. How this man, after all this time, after everything, can still fluster you in this way is entirely beyond you. 

Just as he requested, you lay yourself down once more, positioned just like you were before he left the room. Only now, you’re being a little more intentional about the way your body looks, lifting your sweater to show your midriff more than before and poking your ass out just a bit. He peaks his eye through the lens, bending just a little to get the perfect angle. “Ah, right there. Don’t move, Luna.” 

The camera clicks once. Then again. He moves to the left a little, closer to the window, capturing a few from this angle as well. 

This was a common thing for Jake to do way back when, as he began discovering his love for photography. You were his model, his muse, as he called you. There were several instances that you found yourself modeling for him, posing in front of dozens of new cameras to test their quality.

And, there were those few times that the photos were only for him. Only for his eyes to bear witness to. A few of those times were during your honeymoon, one of the nights being the one that Laramie was conceived. 

While the photos he’s taking now are a little less risque in nature, the act is flustering you all the same. Just as it always did.

After having taken a few more, he looks through them, smiling while he does so. “Art, my Luna,” he says, shutting off his camera and placing it back in his bag. “You are art.” 

You feel your heart racing again as he walks toward you again, placing himself in the same position he was in before he fetched his camera. You want to ask if you can see the photos, but once he begins kissing you again, wet lips connecting to the skin of your neck, the words just can’t make it out of your mouth. 

His kisses move slowly down the column of your neck as your head carefully falls back, his lips gradually coming closer to your collarbone where he gently sucks the tight skin. Your breath, stolen from you the instant he does so. He motions for you to lay yourself down all the way, taking the weight from your elbows. He positions himself just right between your legs as you wrap them around his thighs. His lips then follow a path to your neck once more, breathy kisses making their way back to your lips. 

His hands, ever so deliberate and purposeful, grab hold of your waist, lifting your back just a little from the bed. His fingers knead at the skin, squeezing gently before they fall to your hips. Just the same, he lifts them slowly, lifting your skirt up to your hip bones before reaching behind to hold your ass with both hands. The slight elevation of your hips places your core right against his dick, feeling it pulse beneath his grey sweats. Your body instinctively grinds into him at the contact, your walls beginning to flutter when you feel him following your lead. 

“Jake…,” you mutter into his lips with what little breath you’re able to speak with. He doesn’t bother asking you what you need, what you want. He already knows. He’s always known. You’re certain there’s no man on this earth that could ever take care of you as well as him. 

He knew your body – studied it. He knew every single way to ensure your pleasure, everywhere to touch and taste. How to do it. 

And you, knowing the ways his body felt the best. He’d always tell you that you knew him better than he knew himself. And while that may have been true, you thought the very same of him. You’d spent so much time with each other, so much time learning each other. 

He moves his hands from your ass to the hem of your sweater, moving his body down so that he’s eye level with your tummy. As he slowly lifts your top, gliding it up towards your breasts, he kisses each bit of skin as it becomes exposed. Kissing every inch of your tummy, until he reaches your bra. He stops there, removing your sweater completely from your body. 

And once he’s done that, he places his attention back to your breasts, taking one in each hand. The white lace of your bra does nothing to cover your perked nipples, him rubbing his thumbs over them as he kisses where your cleavage meets in the middle. “I’ve missed these,” he mutters, breathy, pulling the cups of your bra down below each breast. 

Your nipples perk even more once the cool air of your room hits them. But, it doesn’t last for too long. Jake’s mouth, wet and warm, wraps around the bud of your left breast, his tongue drawing slow circles. The right one becomes enclosed in the palm of his hand, squeezing the flesh with his fingers. 

“God I’ve missed these,” he iterates, lifting his face from your breast, the tip of his tongue offering tiny licks where his mouth once was. He then brings his lips to the right breast, giving it the same attention as he sucks the bud into his warm mouth. 

“Oh Jake – feels so good…,” you muster, shakily, lifting your arms to lay above your head. With his mouth still caressing your breast, his hands hold you just above your ribs on both sides, lifting you into him even more. His lips leave your nipple with one last, gentle suck, before he plants deep kisses down your sternum. 

 “Let me show you how much I’ve missed you,” he mumbles into your skin, lips kissing further and further down your tummy. Once he reaches the waistband of your skirt, he pulls you a little closer to the edge of the bed by your hips, sinking down to the floor on his knees. 

His tongue glides over the skin of your inner thigh, still covered by your pantyhose. He does the same to the other one, alternating between both as he slowly comes closer to your burning heat. Your walls, fluttering, clenching. Your desire leaking from you with every move he makes on your body. 

One thing you remember about Jake – he would always take his time with you. He would always take the time to please you, to cover each inch of you in kisses and sweet touches. Even if there wasn’t enough time for sex, he would still take whatever time there was for you. 

And tonight, being no exception to his rule of pleasing you, has you all the more enticed by him. 

And ready for him. 

Just before his lips find your core, he takes your skirt, still bunched up at your hip, and pushes it up even further so that it’s now bunched at your waist. And after that, fingers from both of his hands slip inside the band of your pantyhose on either side, slowly pulling them and your thong down your hips. He moves back just a little, enough to be able to remove them from you, tossing both of the under garments on the floor beside him. 

When he moves back, his lips find your inner thighs once more. With each kiss, your breaths become more and more labored, and as he kisses the skin directly next to your aching pussy, it becomes caught in your chest. He kisses once more there, and the breathy moan that leaves your lips is followed by a whispering of his name. 

“I think I’ve missed this most of all.” You can feel the breath from his words against your wetness, making your body shiver and tremble.

And you absolutely believe him. It was his favorite thing, something he would do randomly, any chance he had, and every chance he had. He would worship your pussy, taste you for hours at a time. He would beg to have your pussy on his mouth. Not like he needed to, though. You loved it as much as he did. 

The spontaneity of it, the way his mouth would find you when you were doing something as mundane as cooking, or watching a movie. You almost never took a bath or a shower without him joining you. 

He says he missed it, but you’d bet you have missed it even more. 

The second his skilled tongue glides through your folds, your body nearly jolts at the feeling. He hums at his first taste in years, digging into your hips with his fingernails. He takes his time, letting his tongue explore you again. Sucking your clit gently, just how you always liked. Babying it with his tongue, keeping the movements soft and careful. “You’ve always tasted so sweet,” he whispers before his tongue makes one long, slow stride from your entrance to your clit. 

Each motion, so calculated, so thoughtful. He’s remembered every little thing that would get you there every single time. And the way his hair is tickling at your inner thighs, your lower tummy…

The sensation of it all nearly brings tears to your eyes. It’s the kind of pleasure that you could cry from. And it’s a pleasure you’ve gone so long without. 

His tongue flicks against your throbbing clit, then again, and again. Each one pushes you closer and closer to the edge, and the closer you get, the faster his tongue gets. 

And because of that, it only takes one more flick of his tongue to cause your pussy to throb, your walls clenching and spasming. Your tummy fluttering, your limbs feeling numb yet on fire all at once. Your release trickles and pools beneath you, all while Jake plants careful kisses to your pussy, kissing you through it until your breathing is back to normal. 

This feeling…you had completely forgotten it. Forgotten how surreal it felt for Jake to bring your body to its peak, how truly out of body it always was. 

If there’s ever a day that someone else enters your life and has you like this, they will be held to the highest standard that Jake has set for you. You know that no one will ever make you feel this way.

“Oh…my…god…,” you utter through deep breaths, the vision slowly coming back to your eyes. And as it does, you see Jake’s striking face leaning over you, his lips wet and glittering as the moonlight falls upon him, enhancing his beautiful features all the more. “Jake, I – I’ve missed you so fucking much,” you tell him, your voice becoming wet and choked with tears. 

How did you ever let this man walk out of your life? How did things get so bad that signing divorce papers seemed like the best thing to do? You’ve spent practically every day of your life loving Jake Kiszka. From the moment you met as children, to taking his last name as your own, to having his daughter. 

And even as your name inked the papers that would solidify your separation, you still loved him. 

Every emotion begins to surface, and try as you might to hold them down, you just can’t. Your cries turn into near sobs, hands coming up to cover your eyes as you’re flooded with how badly you’ve missed him. How much you want things to be the way they were.

“Hey, hey,” he shushes you, concern present in his quiet voice. “What is it, Luna? Tell me what’s wrong.”  

His fingers brush some hair out of your face, tucking the strands behind your ear. When you move your hands from your eyes, he kisses away the tears falling from them, holding your face in the palm of his hand. Looking into his eyes only serves to make it all hurt worse. 

“I just miss you, Jake,” you manage to say after letting yourself calm down enough to speak. “And after that awful date tonight, it just reminded me of a lot of things and I –.” 

“I miss you, y/n,” he sighs, holding your eyes with his in his very own Jake way. “I miss you more than you will ever comprehend.” As he kisses your lips, you feel your body begin to relax again, feeling comfort from him that you’ve always felt. “I haven’t stopped loving you. I will never stop loving you.”

“Jake,” you whisper as he kisses you again, and he hums in response, letting you know to continue. “I love you so much,” you admit against his lips.  

He hums again, a gentle groan as he lifts himself up on the bed, keeping his lips locked with yours. You sit up, scooching yourself back and making room for him. As you do, you reach for your skirt that’s still sitting against your waist and pull it down, Jake helping you take it off the rest of the way. 

Once it’s off, he lays himself between your spread legs, his clothed cock sitting flush against your core, pulsing beneath the fabric. You can’t stand it any longer, so you reach your hand down and begin pulling at the waistband of his sweats, sliding them down his hips as best you can from your position. He helps you with one hand, pulling them down the rest of the way and kicking them off with his feet. 

You then go for his shirt, yanking it from his shoulders so hard that it rips the neck line halfway down the shirt. After that, he lifts up, taking the tattered remains of his t-shirt in each and ripping it in half completely,  finally ridding himself of his shirt that’s now in pieces.

“Wait.” You stop him before he comes back to you as you catch sight of him, needing a moment to just look at him. The way the moonlight contours his body, how it’s casting a silver glow against his bare skin…he looks otherworldly. This vision is one you know will be permanently stamped in your memories for the rest of time.

You’ve always loved his body. His pecks, his tummy, his legs. His arms that have certainly gained more muscle tone since you were married. He’s the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. For more reasons than just the physical. 

But as he’s on his knees before you, his tummy littered with droplets of sweat, his cock hard and throbbing, the unadulterated desire to feel him inside of you again is the only thing you can think about. 

“C’mere,” you whisper, beckoning him with your finger. As he leans back down, your legs wrap around his waist again, positioning yourself just right as he lines himself up with you, nudging you with the tip of his cock. “I love you, Jake,” you say again, holding his face, kissing his lip. “And I need you.” 

“My beautiful Luna,” he mutters as he steadily glides himself inside, slowly filling you. He lets out a deep sigh, his brows furrowed in the middle as he bites his lower lip. He pushes in all the way, his tip now nudging against your cervix. 

As if it were possible, you’ve somehow forgotten how big he is. The thickness, the girth. No matter how often he was inside of you, you never got over the way he would stretch you, each and every time. 

The tear-inducing pleasure begins to overwhelm you once more as he begins a slow thrust, filling you all the way each time. He remembers just how you liked it – giving you the chance to feel him, every thick inch of him. You had just always loved the way he felt inside of you, the way he fit you so incredibly. 

Everything about the way he’d fuck you, how he’d treat your body as though it were ethereal and powerful. That he was privileged to be able to connect with you this way. Worshipping is the only way to describe it. He cared for you, put your needs above his. 

He had always done that. Even when things began to crumble in your marriage. Even when he was angry, he never let your body go without being pleased. Never. 

And when he saw what your body was capable of after you gave birth, he made certain that your body was cherished and loved the way it deserved. 

After all this time, after years of being apart and living separate lives, he’s fucking you like you are still his wife. Slow in pace, deep and hard thrusts so you can feel him. His thighs slapping against the backs of yours. This was always his favorite way to fuck you, said he loved the way your breasts bounced everytime he thrust into you. 

He loved watching you, and you loved watching him. His face, his body colliding with yours. 

All of it, every bit of it is the same. Even better, if it were ever possible. 

He lifts your leg, letting it rest over his shoulder. This angle, the one that allows him to hit the perfect spot inside of you, the spot that makes your tummy burn and your walls flutter. He knows the right angles, the ones that your body responds to the most. 

And when your body responds this way, he fucking loves it. 

“There it is,” he mutters, his breathing heavy and deep. “I feel you, Luna. Squeeze me, baby.” 

His pace picks up, his cock hitting that spot over and over again. Faster, heavier, deeper. His name spills from your lips, your confessions of love coming out in staggered whispers. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he says, repeating it with every thrust. And he keeps saying it, says it until your walls clench hard around his cock, spasming deliciously as he fucks you through your second climax of the night. 

And with it, his cock begins twitching and pulsing, his movements less calculated and more desperate. The sounds coming from his parted lips, the way his tummy is flexing, you know he’s reaching his own end. 

Desperate as he is, he’s still careful. With one more hard thrust into you, he pulls himself out, pumping himself and spilling his warmth all over your tummy, reaching to the undersides of your breasts.

His face is contorted in the most beautiful vision. A mix of relief and adoration on his features as he looks up on you, your heaving body covered in sweat and him.

Though you know it’s absurd and irresponsible as hell, a small part of you is sad he didn’t finish inside. The two of you, turbulent as you were together, still made the most perfect baby.

The thought of giving Lara a sibling is one you’ve had for a long time now. But you don’t want that with anyone else. Only Jake.  

The timing would be terrible. You know that. But you can’t help but mourn the thought. There’s no doubt in your mind that, if you were still married, you would’ve tried for another baby. 

“Just like old times, yeah?” He utters as gently cleanses your skin with a damp towel he retrieved from the bathroom. He offers sweet and soft kisses to your forehead, your cheeks, your nose. Telling you again how much he loves you, and you say it in return after each time. 

As he finishes, he walks to the dresser, the one that once to held his own clothes. To no surprise, he remembers that you’ve always kept your underwear in the top middle drawer. He pulls out a pair that’s been a tried and true favorite of yours to wear at night. A simple pair of black boyshorts that he’s seen you in dozens of times. 

He then reaches for the drawer directly underneath that one, pulling out one of your oversized t-shirts. 

Before he walks them over to you, he puts his sweatpants back on, letting them hang low from his waist, just above his pubic bone. A sight for sore eyes, no doubt.

He hands your clothes to you as he gets back in bed, watching with a sleepy smile as you put them on. 

Once you’re dressed, he pulls out the covers, letting you lay down first. You position yourself on your side, and, just as you wanted, he lays behind you, wrapping his arms around your body and nuzzling his nose in the back of your neck. The way you fell asleep every night for years. In the safety of his embrace, in the comfort of his touch. 

↟ᨒ.⊹݁⚘⊹⚘⊹⚘ ⊹.ᨒ↟

Jake has long since fallen asleep, his arms still wrapped tightly around you. Something you’d forgotten about, that you’re being reminded of in this moment, is that even in his sleep, he will kiss the back of your neck every so often. Quiet kisses, more or less just placing his lips on you while he dreams. 

Laying in his arms, the way you did all those years ago, everything feels perfect once again. It feels right. The pieces, though tattered and ripped apart over the years, have suddenly fallen back in place. You’ve  missed this. Missed everything about it. His breathing, his peaceful snores.

This moment, right now as you’re curled up with the man who carries the title of your ex husband, it feels as though things could work. Maybe you could try again, learn the ways you’ve both grown, give this life with him a second chance.

Or. 

Maybe this is it. This moment serves as a lapse in time, a beautiful walk down the path that holds so many memories. The best memories. But they’re only memories. 

Those days, though dear to your heart, just don’t exist anymore. Your life, his life…what if your paths for the future are just too different? What if this moment, however perfect and wonderful it may be, will eventually turn into the reasons you couldn’t be together anymore?

Tonight made you feel as though everything with you and Jake ended for no reason, that your lives were perfect and seamless.  

That’s not the reality of it, though. There were reasons that ultimately led to your divorce. A lot of reasons. Of course you forgot them on the night of your first date since the split, the date that will go down in history as being the worst of your lifetime. 

But now, you’re thinking clearly enough to remember those reasons.  

Your lives were far from perfect. The furthest from perfect as any two lives shared together could be. 

But you loved each other more than anything and anyone. A love so deep, so profound and seemingly indestructible. There was a time when you would’ve never thought in your darkest dreams that there would come a day that Jake wasn’t a part of. Your love for each other simply surpassed every expectation, every phase. Just like the moon. Changing, but still beautiful. 

But even a love such as that wasn’t enough then. So, what if it isn’t enough now? 

You don’t know what the future holds. Beyond tonight, you can’t be sure what will come of any of this. And you don’t want to get your hopes up, fall for him even harder than before, all for it to crumble yet again. 

And this time, you fear the pain would be much worse than before. 

So, no. You don’t know what the future will bring. You don’t even know what tomorrow will bring. 

And even if this moment is fleeting, it can still be added to the memories you have with him. To the perfect memories you’ve captured with Jake Kiszka.

Your moon. 

The only man you’ve ever loved.

The only man you’ll ever want. 

And the man you can’t have.

↟ᨒ.⊹݁⚘⊹⚘⊹⚘ ⊹.ᨒ↟

a/n: i'm sorry. lol. there could be a part two to this. there might be a part two to this. should there be a part two to this? sound off, loves!

as always, let me know what you think! i truly love hearing from you all. makes my heart so happy. 🥹 my inbox is always open!

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[minju4won]

into your soul

WORD ACCOUNT idk how it is counted but it’s short anyway

PAIRING prince niki x lady y/n

WARNING: arranged married, bridgerton au

SYPNOSYS suddenly, your life had been ruined from one moment to the next. after several arguments, you were going to marry Prince Ni-ki, the queen's youngest son. how were you going to deal with this?

author note: this is my first fanfic its not the best ik but i will get better so plz don’t say nothing bad

part 1

"you will get married and i do not want any reproaches"

"mommy, please, i do not want that" you knelt down before her and sobbed into her dress. but your mother, without empathy, took off her dress and separated from you.

"do you have any other wish, your grace?" she said with irony. "do you think your opinion will count? you will marry with the prince."

"mommy?"

"you do better not reproach your father"

you were walking with your best friend, and you couldn't feel more uncomfortable, everyone was watching you. your engagement to the prince had been announced by lady whistledown.

"you must to be excited! you will be marry with the prince of england!"

you rolled your eyes as you covered yourself with your umbrella.

"i will be his slave for the rest of my life. is this the life you want for me?"

"you can not be serious, you will be a princess!" she said with excited. "you will have jewellery, gold and a luxurious life, is not that enough?"

of course that was enough, but that is not what you meant. you wanted to fall in love like in the novels of jane austen. you knew it was going to be impossible, but at least you wanted to fall in love, or at least choose your husband.

"i do not even know him. in his nineteen years of life nobody has seen him. how do I know it will not be someone unattractive?"

"does physique matter in this case? maybe you can become queen"

that would be impossible, given that he is the youngest of six brothers and two sisters.

you sighed as you saw lady cannella approaching you.

"miss y/n bauer, i listen to your engagement with prince niki. i´m very happy for you, not everyone can marry a prince"

it was clear that she was not happy, it was your first debut and you were already engaged, while her daughter had been on the market for three years and was hardly lucky to be approached by men.

even though you were not happy with the engagement, you decided to smile.

"i am grateful for your congratulations. i am happy that the prince has noticed my beauty. and your daughter? has she got a suitor this season?"

you could see the anger in her eyes.

"she will soon be married"

you nodded, trying to ignore her lie. you looked at your friend and again at the lady.

"lady cannella" you said goodbye.

you and your friend walked away from her and tried to stop your tears from flowing. this was not the life you wanted, what had you done to deserve it?

"i want to be alone"

"you will be okay?"

"i am okey" you said to get away from her. this life was unfair.

sure, marrying a prince was not so bad, but that was not your dream. you wanted to fall in love, marry him and then travel with him. but no, now you had to marry a stranger and give birth to children by the bucketload.

was not what you wanted.

you turned and looked at your ladies-in-waiting.

"tell me rumours about the prince"

"lady y/n?"

you closed your eyes angrily. "tell. me. rumours. about. the. prince."

one of them cleared her throat and looked down at the floor, uncomfortable. "the prince is very secretive about his privacy. no one has ever really seen him. but they say he is a monster. they say he spends days in brothels, even weeks without going out. has been doing so since his fourteenth birthday"

"they say he does not show himself because he was born with a disease, or worse, a deformity."

you bit your lip hard. that was your future?

your thoughts vanished when you heard the sound of a horse behind you. the worst thing you could have done was to roll over, as a large mud covered your face and body.

"lady y/n" your ladies shouted.

they wiped your face with a handkerchief and you saw the person who caused it.

was a tall--and handsome--man who was just now looking at you indifferently. but you could tell from his clothes that he was from the lower classes.

"i wish to apologise" he said, bowing.

"if you do not know how to ride a horse you should give it up. look what you did to me" you said angrily as you looked at your dress. it was your favourite.

"i am grieved" he said with some derision

you looked up perplexed. a low-income man just made fun of you?

"of course you should feel sorry!" you shouted, throwing your muddy scarf at him.

you saw the boy's disgusted face, which gave you satisfaction. after this, you didn't really think about what you did, but you ducked down and started throwing mud at him. the boy covered himself, however, he didn't fight back.

"i have enough to do with my miserable life without you coming to laugh at me" you felt the tears on your cheeks as you watched him. he looked at you without expression, without importance.

you roll your eyes to turn around and leave.

you were eating at the dinner table with your family while listening to your parents talking about the engagement.

"this is a big step for our family. being the king's father-in-law is something that not everyone can have."

"we have to prepare for the wedding! tomorrow i will go to the palace to talk to the queen."

you looked at your mother with discomfort. "could i go with you?"

"why? the queen and i will take care of everything."

"i want to see my fiancé, or i can not?"

your father coughed when he heard you. "and why did this curiosity arise?"

you frowned when you heard it. "he will be my husband, dad"

"i do not see the need to see him now"

"you will see him soon"

you threw the cutlery on your plate. "the rumors are true?"

"what rumors, sweetheart?"

you got up from the table in anger. "you will marry me off to a monster, you do not even care about me enough" you said through tears. "if you do not stop the marriage now, i will hate you forever."

days passed and months too. there was only one week left until your wedding.

and you had not yet met your fiancé. there was nothing you could do but accept your sad fate. a hundred days ago, when your engagement became public, you looked for a thousand ways to avoid it. you begged your parents. but nothing worked.

now only one week to go.

right now you were looking at the neighbourhood from your window, you had nothing to do and you were grounded. according to your mother, you liked a boy and that's why you didn't want to get married. a stupid reason.

you looked down and saw your favourite book. ¨pride and prejudice¨

so you were never going to have a Mrs. Darcy?

you heard three knocks on your door, you rolled your eyes knowing it was your mother.

your mother came into your room with several maids. you frowned, was there any more measurements to be taken for the wedding dress?

"you will wear your best dress tonight because we are going to dinner with the queen's family."

you got up from your seat in confusion. "will ni-ki be there?"

"of course, y/n" your mother said while she grabbed your hand and forced you onto the stool. "make it nice and quick, we do not want to give her a bad impression of my daughter."

after various measurements and adjustments, you were wearing a pink dress with a small jacket knitted to the dress. your hair was down this time, according to your mother because it looked sexy on women, however, you had a small part of the front tied at the back. you wore gold earrings and white gloves that reached up to your elbows.

and after several hours, you were in the carriage with your little sister in the carriage.

"can you please stop?" you murmured as you saw your mother in front of you pinching your cheeks.

"you must look amazing for your husband"

"he is not my husband"

"yet"

you sighed and looked at the palace in the distance. although it wasn't your first time there, you could tell it was getting bigger and bigger.

suddenly, the carriage stopped and the doors opened. you got out of the carriage with the help of the guard.

you weren't supposed to be there, that wasn't your place. someone else should. you thought about fainting, running, killing yourself, anything but being there.

"lady bauer, the queen awaits you" said the guard. your mother ignored him and climbed the stairs to enter the royal palace.

you chased after her and the guards opened the big palace gates. once they entered, your mother grabbed your arm.

"you will not say anything against the marriage, you will nod to everything the queen says and once the prince arrives, you will look him in the eye."

you separated from your mother as you looked around the palace, you had only been there twice before, on your debut and your older sister's debut, however, that night it looked different. lonely, fearful. or maybe it was just you. you weren't even thinking clearly anymore.

"i do not want any complaints tonight" said this time your mother to your younger sister. "if all goes well, maybe you can marry into his family too."

suddenly, the doors at the back opened and you could see a long table and the queen sitting at the end of it.

they entered it and approached the queen. "your majesty, it is such a honor being here with you" your mother said with a bow.

you swallowed and walked up to her and imitated your mother. "your majesty" you stood bowed, waiting for the queen to give you permission to get up, but she did not. you felt your hands trembling, and it wasn't long before you broke out in a cold sweat.

"you are so beautiful" she said, touching your chin, forcing you to look at her. "you are the perfect woman for my child"

of course you were the perfect woman for his son, who else would want a monster for a husband?

"my daughter is so excited for her wedding, your grace" liar.

"she must be, as the princes of france and spain, the dukes and high lords of europe will be coming."

"they will have a prosperous and happy future, your grace"

"of course, i will be looking forward to my grandchildren." said the queen, looking at you fixedly. you, feeling her gaze, tried to smile, although you do not know if it was a smile or a grimace.

she wanted grandchildren. this can´t be your future.

behind your back you heard the door open. "oh, they coming"

you turned around slowly and bowed. your heart was beating fast. you heard several footsteps and looked up while bowing.

you saw all the princes enter with their wives. you saw the heir heeseung enter with his wife, prince jay and prince jungwon and his other brothers.

but you didn´t see prince ni-ki.

wait.

that tall man... you knew him. he was the low class one who smeared mud on you months ago. what was he doing there? was he working for them? then why was he going in with them? why was prince jake patting him on the back? why did he have expensive clothes?

why was he approaching you?

you straightened up and looked up as he stood in front of you. even though you've only met him once, he hasn't changed. had an indifferent look on his face and seemed unsurprised to find you there.

to your surprise, he bowed to you as he took your hand and kissed it. even though you had your glove on, you felt his lips perfectly.

"lady y/n bauer"

you didn't take your eyes off him, and he didn't take his eyes off you either. why was he kissing your hand?

"lady y/n, i present to you prince ni-ki"

you were going to faint, this could not be possible. you looked at the queen with confusion.

"prince ni-ki?"

"yes darling, he is handsome, is he not?"

you looked at the prince and lowered your gaze with pity. "yes, your grace"

you had disrespected prince ni-ki, you had smeared him with mud and even thought he was low class. he would make your life impossible in marriage.

after talk with the queen, your families and you were seated at the table, eating. it was probably the best food you have ever tasted in your life, but you couldn't enjoy it as you felt your fiancé's gaze on you.

you couldn't help but feel ashamed, you had disrespected your husband, a member of the royal family! what would become of you?

you heard the cry of the queen to your left. "that is my favourite music"

you paid attention to the music and heard that it was a slow song. you couldn't understand how it was her favourite song if there were better ones.

"your grace" your mother said "if you want you can dance with my daughter to get to know each other better"

you looked at the plate nervously. ni-ki couldn't accept, he hated you.

but he got up and came over to your side, placing his hand in front of you, hoping that you will accept. you stared at ni-ki, you didn't know what she was doing. was she making fun of you or why she hadn't already cancelled the engagement?

"with your permission, your majesty" you said standing up as you accepted his hand.

he took you to the centre of the room and placed his hand on your back. you couldn't even hold his gaze, unlike him. you could feel his gaze staring into your soul.

fortunately, he was the one leading the dance. you weren't a bad dancer, but you couldn't even move on your own.

"where is the girl who stained all my clothes?" he murmured in your ear.

you closed your eyes as you felt his voice. unlike that day, his voice were raspier and deeper.

"i want to apologize, your grace. i was no think-"

"i am not bothered"

you open your eyes and you looked at him.

"you knew me that day, didn't you?"

"yes"

you closed your eyes angrily. he had seen you cry, he knew it was because of the marriage, that day had been announced.

"cancels the wedding"

"excuse me?"

"you saw me cry that day about the wedding, you knew i did not want to get married and you still followed the wedding."

the prince gave you a turn, but before that, you saw him roll his eyes, which made you even angrier.

"do you think i wanted to get married? like you, i was forced to get married too."

you didn't believe him, he had enough authority to stop it.

"you are a monster, your grace"

you heard him let out a wry laugh. "do you want me to cancel the wedding a week away?" you noticed her ironic tone. "alright, we can say that i am a monster or that i mistreats you, or that you have another man. tell me, lady bauer, which of these three will people believe?"

suddenly, your anger vanished, it was clear what people would believe. whether your husband was a monster or an abuser, it didn't matter, it was your duty to put up with him. the other rumour could ruin your reputation and that of your family. you couldn't let that happen.

"exactly" you heard in your ear.

you looked him in the eye, you couldn't marry him, that wasn't your dream. you didn't want to have children with a man you didn't love, you didn't want to spend what was left of your life with him.

you narrowed your eyes, trying to find out what your fiánce was thinking, but his gaze was cold and distant.

even if you stared at him all night you couldn't figure out what was going through his mind, or what his intentions were. unlike him. you could feel your gaze looking into your bones. you knew perfectly well that he knew what was going through your mind.

you were an open book to him.

"magnificent!" you heard the cry of the queen.

the song was finished.

you bowed a little to the prince and moved away from him to sit at the table.

there was nothing you could do to avoid the wedding. you had to accept your fate.

your tears were ruining your make-up, but you couldn't help it. as of today, your life was over.

you did not even feel pretty.

"lady bauer, please, stop crying" said one of your maids.

you wiped the tears from your cheeks and sighed as you looked at yourself at the window. the guests were arriving, some faces you recognised, others you didn't.

they would be talking about the wedding for months, plus it was taking place in one of the most beautiful cathedrals in the country. and most importantly, prince ni-ki will show his face for the first time.

you knew the consequences of this, many will tell you how lucky you are to marry a handsome young man, and a member of royalty on top of that. but you never wished for this.

"you are excelent, lady bauer. you look like a princess"

you looked in the mirror and saw your make-up, it was normal but your cheeks were a bit red as well as your lips. your hair was tied back but curly fringes were falling over your face and shoulder

"do i?"

"you are the only one deserving of the title of princess."

you bit your lower lip as you looked at your ladies through the mirror. "you will still be with me, won't you? you won't leave me alone next to that monster"

"we will not, lady bauer"

"you will have a loving and prosperous marriage"

you sighed as you listened to her and got up from your chair to climb onto the stool. your maids started to take off your dressing gown. you weren't going to lie, the most fun was choosing it, it was the first time you saw and wore these types of dresses.

the dress was white and pompous, with long sleeves and a small neckline and the veil was down to your knees. at least you liked something.

you heard the door open as you got down from the stool.

"leave"

you sat in the chair as you watched your mother sit next to you.

"i have something to tell you, darling"

you raised your eyebrows in surprise.

"tell me, mom"

"in addition to getting married at the altar, you have to do something important to make it official" she gave a nervous laugh. "you must consume it"

you frowned as you listened to her.

"what do you want to mean?"

you saw how he stood up and grabbed your hands, you repeated his action.

"you have to sleep together."

"but..."

"it is getting late, all the guests are downstairs." she said, dragging you towards the exit.

suddenly, all the confusion you felt a moment ago was replaced by fear and nervousness.

you saw your father in the distance with the bouquet of flowers. it was happening.

"i am proud of my daughter" he said handing you the bouquet.

you smiled uncomfortably as you listened to him as you watched the gates. Everyone inside that room was waiting for you.

"everyone, lady bauer"

you watched as the gates slowly opened.

your father took you by the hand and forced you to walk down the aisle. you saw the guests, many familiar faces were slowly judging you. as all of them were jealous of you, none of them were happy for you. and neither were you.

you looked straight ahead and could see your fiancé.

he was handsome.

he was in a black suit with his hair styled in the back, and he was staring at you. lie, every time you approached him, you could tell that his beauty was unreal.

did you know that lady whistledown was going to be talking about her beauty for months to come.

when you arrived in front of him, you felt a slight squeeze on your right hand, which forced you to look away from him and back at your father.

"take care of her" your father said to ni-ki.

"always" he said bowing slightly to take your hand and kiss it..

liar.

you knew what he was doing, he was being romantic in front of people, he wanted to have a positive reputation. you were not going to fall for their dirty games.

you smiled falsely at him as you turned to the priest.

"dear beloved, we are gathered to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony. it is said that marriage hath in it less beauty but more of safety than the single life..."

so, this was to be your life from now on? the prince will be the man who accompanies you to your deathbed?

you felt his hand grasp yours to remove the glove. the prince's hands were warm, unlike yours. you saw how the gold ring went over your index finger. it fit you perfectly.

"...in the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amén. i now pronounce you man and wife"

your legs were shaking, this was not the future you wanted. you couldn't accept it.

you turned around to hear the applause behind you and you held your now-husband's hand. he led you to the exit and you could see the carriage, quickly jumped in and threw the bouquet on the ground.

"look what you have done! i will live an unhappy life by your side"

"i feel the same way"

"you do not understand! you are a man, you can choose any woman and she would be delighted. why you choose me?"

"stop acting like a child, you are a princess now"

you let out a wry laugh as you listened to him. you could feel the tears on your cheeks.

"i do not care if i am a princess now. i want my freedom, i want to fall in love, i want-"

"you are privileged and do not realise it. you want freedom? i will give you that. you want fall in love? that would never happen even if you were married to me. if it had not been me, it would have been a duke of great age. in your position as a woman, you would never experience it by choice."

"you do not understand, your grace"

you watched as ni-ki came up to you and wiped your tears with a handkerchief. you stopped breathing at the sight of him so close.

"let's make some rules"

"rules?"

"i will never touch you unless you do not want me to. to society we will be a happy couple, but in private we do not need to talk to each other."

you nodded and watched as he walked away from you. you looked out of the window and saw that you were already arriving at the royal palace.

"rumours about you exist" you cleared your throat and lowered your gaze. "they say that you are always in brothels, you last for weeks without going out. mother told me that in brothels you get drunk and you do bad things. maybe you kill people inside? gamble a lot of money? I do not know, but i do not wished a husband to do these things"

you looked up and saw the prince with a frown on his face. "i have never been to such places"

"but rumours exist for something, or i am wrong?"

"no one outside the palace knew me until today."

you frowned as you listened to him. you didn't trust him. how could you trust him after hearing the rumours? he was a monster.

"of course, your grace"

"you do not believe me, do you?"

"why should i believe you?"

"because you are my wife, and i expect the same sincerity from you"

you swallowed as you listened to him. now you were his wife and he was your husband.

you didn't know how many hours you had been on your feet, you didn't know how many congratulations you had received, let alone how many times you had danced with your husband.

but there you were, sitting at the royal table on the high dais, sitting with the princes and kings as you watched the guests dance.

"do you want to retire?" you heard in your left ear. you looked at ni-ki with surprise. you looked into his eyes with confusion.

you felt overwhelmed and uncomfortable to the point that you wanted to lock yourself up for days in your quarters.

you nodded your head and the prince looked away and took your hand to stand up. you repeated their action.

you saw how the music stopped and all attention was now on you.

"i am honoured that all of you are present at my wedding to my now wife, princess y/n. thank you all for coming" your husband helped you down from the platform and you both approached the door.

you felt uncomfortable seeing how everyone was congratulating you -for the millionth time- and bowing to you. this was not you.

as you left the room, you let go of my hand and grabbed your dress, nervously. now what?

"today we will sleep in the royal palace, tomorrow we will move to ours and you will be the mistress of the house." ni-ki said, crossing his hands behind his back.

"my princess" said a familiar voice behind you. you turned and looked at your ladies-in-waiting. "we have to prepare you"

"for what? the wedding is over" you said in confussion.

you saw how they approached you. "princess, let us take you to your chambers"

they said, taking your hand, forcing you up the stairs.

once they arrived, they began to remove your dress in a hurry, leaving you alone in your dressing gown.

"you must look stunning for your wedding night" she said, untying your hair and starting to comb it with the comb.

"it is not big deal" you murmured.

you heard a knock on the door, and seconds later you saw your husband in the mirror.

"your grace" they said bowing.

"leave"

once they were alone, you got up from your chair and walked over to the bed.

"we have to sleep together"

"no need, i will spend the night in another room."

"we have to sleep together to be a real marriage" you said, raising your voice. "that is what my mother said"

"i will not force you to do anything, if you do not want me to, i will not. not your mother, you." he said in a gentle tone.

you frowned when you heard it.

"what are you talking about?" you said lying down on the bed. "it is just sleep. i slept with my older sister, it is not that important."

for the first time, you saw an expression on ni-ki's face, an expression that was both confused and mocking.

"what exactly did your mother tell you?"

"i do not understand, your grace. she should have told me something else?"

you saw ni-ki approach you while taking off his shoes.

"rest, i will explain you tomorrow"

"fine" you said as you turned your back on him and wrapped the blanket around you. "i hope you do not touch me when i sleep"

you didn't get any response from him, you just felt the bed sink beside you.

it was probably the worst night of your life, feeling ni-ki next to you was not very pleasant for you. you only slept for two hours at most, but when you woke up, ni-ki was no longer beside you. you got up and approach your mirror to start combing your hair. you looked to your right when you saw a large book on the desk.

you took the book and put it on your lap.

how to consume marriage?

you opened the page and began to read.

you were horrified.

so this is what your mother meant? it was madness. how could a person of their own free will do that?

you looked at the graphics and tried not to groan in disgust. you couldn't do that with anyone, least of all ni-ki.

"please, lord. save me from this marriage." you said, closing the book and getting up from your chair.

your life is over.

[thevoidscreams]

How would each primemarch be if their wife is pregnant with their child?

No real warnings for this one other than pregnancy Lion: He's as cool as ever on the outside but he's secretly a mess on the inside. The lion is not the kind to be very open with his emotions so to some (Of the few who actually know) it might seem he has no feelings at all about his wife carrying his progeny. However those who know him better notice how close he keeps you from the start. He's not going to allow anything to happen to his beautiful lioness. 2: Went out for milk and didn't come back. Fulgrim: "Oh have you heard? My darling wife is with child." This man could not be anymore different, he makes sure everyone knows and is appropriately excited. After all how could they not be? He was going to have a child that was truly his own. He parades you about in clothes that show your progressive belly and he makes a show of rubbing it in. Not even his most beloved brother Ferrus is spared. Well to be fair Ferrus is especially the target of the pheonicians excitement.

Perturabo: He is quietly delighted his giant hands have never been so gentle. His honor guard becomes yours for the whole duration, not that they weren't ordered to keep you safe as well, but now they are especially vigilant. He doesn't make a fuss about it outwardly but the nursery soon fills with tiny marvels of engineering for your future child.

Jaghatai: He's also quiet about it, but he's always been a bit aloof about his brother. But in private he is incredibly happy, practically worshiping your body. Making sure you only have the best food. He's a very dedicated husband and soon to be father.

Leman: Is boastful about it. But also very vigilant. He's not letting you out of his sight so long as you've got his pup in your womb. He keeps you warm on cold nights as he refuses to let his child be born anywhere but on Fenris so you do have to suffer the biting cold. Don't worry though, you'll have more furs than you can shake a stick at to keep you comfortable.

Rogal:

No one even knew you were pregnant until the kid came. Though their were signs, kinda, like every place you stepped foot in having even more recent additions to the defenses. His best sons being put on guard duty. A rare quiet smile on his contemplative face and stern face. His apothecaries are the only ones not completely shocked.

Curze:

Oh boy if he was a mess before?... Hes actually quite mellow for most of the pregnancy, of course that is once he's established paternity. It's not that he doubts you, it's that there are other men on his ship and he can't trust them. He holds you even closer now at night. Whispering feverish, yet loving inanities to you. His hard bitter laugh has a softer edge to it now. Could it be that he might finally have two good things in his life to bring his mind out of the darkness?

Sanguinius: I'm saying it now, he started trying early, as soon as the ring was on your finger. Sanguinius loves his sons and that love is only amplifies for the child growing in your womb. But along with that love is a terrible anxiety, what if the child is touched by his thirst, doomed to live with the curse as he and his other children are? He'll love them all the same absolutely nothing will change that. And he somehow loves you even more for this gift of life you are creating with him.

Ferrus: His massive metal hands hold you so gently when you give him the news. He has so much to do, and so much to be. Now he must also be a real father, not only to his astartes, but to a small bundle of life that will share half of his dna. Should he tell anyone? Fulgrim? His father? Ferrus feels very real uncertainty about it. He will tell no one, he decides and puts an even more robust guard around you at all times unless you are with him, in his arms. It becomes the safest place in universe just for you.

11: Went out for smokes and didn't come back.

Angron: How did this even happen? Most people assumed your marriage to this giant butcher was all for show. But no, he is your husband and despite his moments of temporary insanity at the clawing of nails in his brain, he managed to do it. He won't touch you unfortunately. Despite his general disposition about things he does not hate you, and his fear of the nails keeps his hands at bay. No matter how much you plead. He will not risk the life of his child. In his moments of clarity you hold his hand, and kiss it, he tells you he loves you. You alone in the universe as he twitches at the biting of the nails. Maybe he will go back to perturabo and finally allow his brother to aid him. For your sake and for your child.

Roboute: Also quite hush hush about the pregnancy, he journals the whole experience, and builds the nursery with his own hands, putting his own little touches on the place. His hearts swell with delight every time he thinks about it. He holds you in his arms as he picks the handcrafted animals that will go into the rooms. He thanks you softly for allowing him to have this experience. He also has the whole timeline planned out for the pregnancy, you let him have it despite knowing that these things hardly ever go exactly according to plan.

Mortarion: Is this even allowed? Is what he keeps thinking to himself, but he is happy. Fearful as well as you progress, what if he ends up being like the awful monster that raised him? Or even like his own father. He vows to not be those men, he promises to you over and over that he will be the best father. On his knees, he swears to you. He loves you so much and his love your child as well.

Magnus: As soon as you tell him that you're with child he begins divining. Looking into the potential futures to ensure his child's safety. He messages you with his collection of scented oils as he tells you of the endless futures he's seen. He loves to touch you, to feel the aura of his little one growing inside you. He'll know them better than even you by the time they're born. His sons are just as joyful about all this, but do come up with some wild concerns that you never even considered. Magnus puts all theirs worries and yours to rest, telling you hes seen what may happen and will not allow any negatives to come to pass. He is arrogant, for sure, but it does make your fears less.

Horus: He couldn't have kept it under wraps even if he tried. His sons soon learn from the mournival and now every lunar wolf is on high alert to keep you safe. Even Ezekiel, those that's on orders from his primarch. Horus spends as much time as he is able with you. He's glad to be a father, a true father, fulfilling his unspoken desires at long last. He treats you like a queen, and you are never far from his side. As he speaks soft words of love to you and kisses your hands and cheeks.

Lorgar: Lorgar looks at you as if you hung the stars yourself when you tell him. He dedicates himself to you throughout the whole process, at you beck and call the whole time. He acquires for you the most luxurious things he can to pamper you. Most of your evenings are spent with him massaging you with lotions or oils as her tells you tales from his compliances. He adores you so much. Vulkan: He is likely the most outwardly expressive with his delight. Not boasting or bragging but delightedly sharing the good news with his family. It's a nice feeling, to be so openly praised by a primarch. He, like many of this other builder brothers makes toys for his soon to arrive child. He's attentive, maybe even a bit smothering. But it's all to ensure that you are happy and well. His sons are also over the moon at the news, there much beloved legion mother carrying their brother or sister. You will certainly be very safe and loved, that's for sure.

Corvus: He might tell a few of his brothers and his father, but other than that he keeps it a rather private affair. He will of course keep you close and when he is unable will have a silent guard keeping an eye on your every move to ensure your safety. At night when he holds you, he will sing you to sleep with his soft mellow voice. His dark eyes scanning the shadows for any movement. He will keep you and his little chick safe in his nest. Alpharius/Omegon: The question is who's the father? True they are twins of a sort, technically two halves of what would have been one being. But still. Either way, no one but the three of you will even know until the baby comes and even then it's largely going to be a rumor. You are well cared for as you always are, but the two fathers will ensure that regardless, nothing happens and no one knows.

[tojislibrvry]

★ ︵ @ toji / reader , missionary , unprotected, religious imagery , manipulation , religious indoctrination , biblical themes but no allusions to any certain religion

you don’t believe in God. God is not a word that is familiar with your tongue nor is it a concept familiar with your soul. even when your mind had been destroyed, life in shambles had you turned to religion to bring you to normalcy. faith was never salvation to you.

you were simply an atheist — a fool they would call you, who proudly believes there is no God. they tell you, you lack spiritual discernment, that the holy words of God are lost to your ears. your rooted anti-belief in the existence of any God runs deep, so why are you listening to the stranger outside your home promising you heaven ?

your values don’t waver, your beliefs don’t change yet you are hooked onto every word that spills from the strange man’s lips hooked like a subdued snake dancing along to the snake charmer’s tunes.

you take notice of how he looks, unbelievable both literally and figuratively in the sense he looks beautiful enough to rival eros but deceit threaded through his black suit making him as unreliable as the serpent in paradise. he flashes a smile at your disorientation holding his hand out for you to trust him.

you try to remember how you got yourself into this, previous encounters with those wanting to talk about religion of any kind met with your defiant roll of eyes and the door slammed on their face. this man, toji, he introduced himself as, was quick to place his feet between your doorframe ( not that you noticed ).

“you don’t believe in heaven do you ?”

huh, breaking out of your reverie, you realise that he had stopped talking a good two minutes ago. smiling nervously, you shake your head.

“even if heaven was real, wouldn’t everyone alive be in hell ? aren’t we all sinners ?” you step forward a little braver, “can you look me in the eye and tell me God would let you step into heaven?”

he laughs boisterously at your line of questioning. “my God would.”

“he has witnessed my very descent into hell, watched the way my hands shook the devil’s and yet used his holy palms to pull out my blasphemous ones out of the netherworld. if my treacherous soul could be welcomed to heaven, he would wait with open arms to invite you in when you pass.”

you take a good look at his face, one look and you knew this man was not a child of God. his hair pushed back neatly, his face clean shaven like he had eliminated any hint of shabbiness right before he stepped foot into your world, a smile plastered on his face but none of it truly reflected in his piercing green eyes. despite the very prominent signs of danger like the scar on his lips that ran vertically across or the way his arms bulged under his suit like it was built to be a weapon, no, it was the way mirth danced in his eyes that wouldn’t let you believe him.

if eyes were a window to your soul, toji was a man with sacrilege running through his veins.

“sure buddy. i think it’s time you leave—” “there is none who does good. all of us fall short of the standard God has set, do you think he expects perfection from us? does a mother not know the follies of her children ?”

you tilt your head, trying to come up with an answer that you know you wouldn’t be able to come up with. “uh— i’m not sure what you are talking about.” you are beyond nervous now, anxiety creeping into your blood, heart beating faster than it should.

“am i scaring you sweetheart, fear not.” he steps into your house, your final boundary between him and your own personal haven breached. “all i'm saying is think of all those times you’ve felt alone, felt wrong in your skin. i come here as a sign for you, to show you you are never truly alone. our God does not see sinners, he does not see sin, he sees you and he sees love.”

he grabs your soft, much smaller hands and places it on his broad chest while placing his palm right on top of your beating heart. “feel that? listen to the way your heart calms down, notice the way it syncs with mine. embrace the way that our God is showing you.”

you nod, swallowing the lump in your throat, pupils blown black with how utterly enamoured by his words you are. you can hear the slowing of your heart, the thump-thump softer than ever, the stress you constantly feel in your shoulder leaving you.

you try to break yourself out of the daze you are in, “i don’t think this is right, i think you should leave, you are messing with my… head.” you weakly and begrudgingly try to push him out the door, trying to erase the mark he has left on your soul.

“i'm not messing with your head darling, i'm trying to enlighten you. do you want me to show you a taste of heaven ? to feel the eternal bliss that is guaranteed if you listen to me ?”

“what are you talking about—” “let me guide you through what is heaven on earth, to let you experience a little death in this very mortal realm.” he closes the door behind him as he steps closer, his tall stature casting a shadow upon you barring the sunlight from hitting your skin.

“let me show you what our God put us on earth for, why he made you and me. allow me to show you the virtues of the flesh, the way God intended for us to fit perfectly together.” he bends down to match your height, revelling in the way your breath hitches when you feel his apple scented breath on your face.

“do you want to see how God forgives our sins— for we are never pure before our maker ?”

you nod.

toji leads you to your own bedroom with practiced ease like he had been there before. he guides you with a palm splayed against your lower back, with the kind of insistence that blurs the lines between gentle and rough. he lets you watch him undress in the dim lit room, the way a stray sun ray falls on his tan skin as he unbuttons the white shirt.

you cannot take your eyes of the display of skin and flesh, feeling like an animal that wants to sink its canines to its poor prey. he has the slightest smirk painted on his lips when he's done stripping himself naked, his body in the nude as he presents himself unabashedly.

he does not chide your wandering eyes. he does not question the way your eyes travel down to his cock, fixated on the heavy muscle bobbing between his thighs. he rather encourages it, walking closer so he can strip you now.

hands gentle, as gentle as scarred and calloused palms can be, when he pulls down the straps of your slip dress. the lace showing very less resistant as it pools around your feet on the carpeted ground. he watches you grow shy under his unwavering gaze.

he calls you beautiful, your mind registers late. he admires the gooseflesh that has erupted on your skin, the way you resemble a sweet fruit ebbing with the weight of blood. he looks at you, like you are the apple and he is eve. he looks ready to defy his very God for the taste of knowledge, oh rather the knowledge of your taste.

you pull him to your bed, the soft sheets with white lace trim like you were God's true virgin. he does not judge you when you pull out the condoms from your bedside drawer, no he does not care if you joined and became one with countless others before. he only reserves the right to be the first to desecrate you with his cum. he wishes to be the first that gets to feel your tight walls close on his cock, to feel you warm him from the deepest crevices of your body.

he crawls on to the bed, pushing aside the contraceptive you hold in your hands to cage you underneath him so he can kiss you with ferver and passion, he licks your mouth open and tastes the rich wine that coats your mouth. the taste of your pliant mouth and the way it glides against his teeth and lips is enough to let him moan.

he focuses on kissing you while a single hand travels from your navel to your chest, so he could play with the soft skin around your sensitive nipples. he does not shame you for crying out loud when he pinches you, the way your body arches of the bed when his mouth replaces his hand. he is meticulous in the way he is precise in bringing you satisfaction, but he is messy in the way spit trails and dries in streaks on your skin.

he takes his time worshiping your body, though idolation is a sin. he treats you like fragile glass as he leaves open mouthed kisses from your mouth to the wetness pooling between your thighs. he grins with pride when he takes sight of the mess that greets him, dripping with need at simply a few kisses.

"you worry too much, God will not punish you for feeling this way about his messenger." he says before kissing you in places that you are sure God would never approve of despite his saccharine words.

he pulls you closer to his mouth, licking and worshiping you with his tongue in a way that makes your eyes roll back. he lets his finger ghost around the edge of your awaiting hole, letting you suck in a harsh breath before pushing it in. the resistance around his finger does not stop him, he continues his assault with both his mouth and finger, loosening you up for the devil in between his thighs. he goes on with his ministrations but stopping every time he gauges you are close, constantly edging you like he is gatekeeping your orgasm.

his finger is coated with the myrrh like essence of your arousal but he does not seem to mind it. after what he thinks is the appropriate amount of preparation your hole needs to accomodate his throbbing cock, he spreads you upen both your legs spread apart on the either side of his corded thighs. he places a gentle kiss to your forehead and mutters an apology against your lips, when he pushes himself in.

simply taking just his tip in, the mushroomy cockhead, spurting pre nudged inside your feverish hole is enough for the both of you to let noises of pleasure echo through the room. he wishes he could refuse the way you feel, but he cannot deny you are the best he has felt around him in the longest time.

"toji, you— you can move!" you give the man permission, your hand traveliing down to his arm that holds your legs apart so you can tug on him to consume you closer. he grunts past the resistance of your walls, your feet pressed against the small of his back trapping him in the blessing of your sultry hole.

all toji needs is your honeyed voice to consent to his debauchery so he begins to punish you with harsh thrusts that make you see stars. he is an experienced man that takes thirty seconds to find that gooey spot in you, abusing his knowledge to make you loose lipped and empty brained. he devours the spit that drools from your mouth, cherishing the way you began to pray to him.

incessant "please toji! please, please, please!" ringing in his ears as sweat from his forehead threatens to hide the image of you getting unravelled in front of him.

despite the pleasure you feel, you arent convinced there is a God that would forgive you for the way toji bites into your shoulder drawing blood, using the very bloodied mouth to kiss your mouth to preach what he believes is true. you can't find any rational thought as to why you are letting a near stranger make his imprint guts deep, ready to paint your insides white. you want to argue against it, but you can't.

toji for the first time encourages your arriving orgasm, he does not pull out nor does he stop. instead he focuses on all your weak spots and gives them special attention so he can encourage you.

"come on sweetheart, make a mess on my cock. let me deliver you from your sins."

he holds you down, slamming against you loud and proud, the sounds of skin slapping the only noise left in your near static brain. you let him violate you but you also let him cleanse you. he holds your throat down as he spits in your mouth. you take it because you a good little thing in need of absolvement. toji likes to pretend that the way he is penetrating you is his way of showing you the way to salvation, you are not sure that it is just pretend.

he looks at you with near black eyes as he fucks you hard with a single thrust, burying himself so deep he covers your guts in his sacriligeous release. you reach your peak the same time he does but you realise he wasn't lying when he said he'd show you heaven.

you try to stay firm with your beliefs but the way your eyes see white like you can feel the winds from the pearly gates beconing to enter almost almost makes you change your mind. you've had sex before, you've made yourself cum before, you've thought for the longest time that you had achieved every kind of hedonistic depravity that is there on the planet.

yet, toji's cock nestled deep inside you while you mewled holding on to him, about how he was too big while in missionary stood taller than any sort of experience you thought you had. he kisses your tears away, gently pulling out as you begin to settle into peaceful slumber, mind void of any worries.

you no longer care that you left your home vulnerable to a religious stranger as you fall asleep, last thing you remember is a soft towel cleaning up the remnants of toji's spit and cum.

you wake up early in the morning as sunshine streams in through your blinds, leaving you alone in your empty bed. you get up on wobbly feet to find any sign that the man was ever in your home except for the bruises that covered your skin.

your eyes fall on your wallet thrown across your floor, and you drag your sorry self to pick it up. in place of the money that you had hard earned, you find a single white card with the words — for Our God will not judge the sexually immoral and adulterous and an address on the back.

[leonw4nter]

trying to come up with something to write for leon and my mind conjured up this beauty... i remember someone from somewhere asking what job would leon do if he wasn't a cop + caught up in the raccoon city incident... and my first thought was him being an ASMRtist 😭 i discarded the idea though coz he would not be tapping on things near a microphone for a living... but boy do i think he'd look great doing that :3 walk with me now :3

so let's say pre-RE2 leon decides to do something on the side to pay for expenses and a friend (rebecca maybe) recommends doing youtube and he's like "eh..." coz number one: he's batshit at games and number two: he doesn't know how to edit and then she brings up asmr-- now this makes him think. he's watched asmr before: stuff to help him sleep, to help him focus while studying, or if he's sick and wants to listen to something soothing. he's got a mic lying around, an impulsive purchase when he was in that one phase of his life where he wanted to do lowkey thirst traps while playing a basic song on his guitar (he only knows how to play his favorite parts in songs). never got around to using it daily or post the thirst traps he made, he didn't like the way his voice sounded.

he considers the idea and tries it out. he makes an alternate google account to start his youtube channel on and makes a name (highly likely its something like [Insert adjectives synonymous to calm]ASMR. since he doesn't want people around campus or people who know him to recognize him online, he decided to film showing only his neck down. he does simple editing like cutting out parts then posts it with some title like "ASMR for guaranteed relaxation". after doing it for quite some time, he's got a following that's not too big but pretty impressive for him and he actually likes it. he gets the courage to show his channel to rebecca with the promise that she keeps it secret and she giggles because the comments are just

"raw, next question."

"he looks like he whimpers"

"i knew you'd check the comments like a good boy"

"you should join a band called 'being my husband'"

and she shows them to leon and he's just SHOCKED. like majority of his audience are women that are thirsting over him and are asking for WHIMPER AUDIOS 😭😭 [me]. he's flustered and flattered over it, surprised that the reception to this experimental little thing is positive then he posts a video celebrating some milestone like 1.5K subscribers and the comments are flooded with "OIL UP AT 2K" or "pls make a video where you call us good girl" and he's just floored with everyone's lack of decorum at his comments section but he's thankful that he's well-supported.

OH AND THE DAY HE DOES THOSE BODY TAPPING ASMR VIDS WILL BE WORLD-ENDING. like he opts to wear a t-shirt instead of his usual sweatshirts or hoodies and the comments are either about wanting to bite his bicep, gooning, or "i told my parents about us" OR "reject me so i can move on already". might even see an edit of him on YT shorts idk...

okie dokie that's it :D 👍i want asmrtist leon kennedy send tweet

pompompurin dividers by animatedglittergraphics-n-more

[stellar-solar-flare]

Every Reason - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Rated T for themes - my blog is intended for 18+ only| Angst, hurt/comfort, a little fluff | Established relationship| Everyone Lives/No One Dies AU.

When it's time for the holidays, your ghosts always seem to come haunt you, and at a New Year's Eve party in the Compound, they rise to the surface.

Story Content Warnings: References to past trauma and abuse (not detailed), self-worth issues.

Reader is female, no description of appearance besides a mention of her wearing a dress and makeup.

Word Count: 1,064. | This fic on AO3. | Author Masterlist

Alternate Universe: The Avengers Initiative (AI) continued SHIELD's work after its collapse to corruption, with Steve as the Head Strategist and Tony as the Director. The Avengers are living together in the Tower - Bucky has healed, and Civil War never happened because Tony and Steve worked through their differences like adults.

I do not own anything Marvel related. This is an unofficial fan work. No copyright infringement intended. This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely coincidental.

The soft click of the roof terrace door found its way into your consciousness, and as quickly and discreetly as you could, you wiped your wet cheeks with the sleeve of your coat. The makeup had been set in place with the same spray that Nat used for her looks, which meant that it would not falter even in the face of an apocalypse, let alone with a little sniffling.

Crisp night air surrounded you; the lights of the whole Avenger’s Initiative Campus had been turned off so that the fireworks would get the best possible canvas, and in between the shows, you could enjoy the stars. It was beautiful. Peaceful. Your stomach was full of delicious treats from the grazing board — the biggest that you had ever seen. There was a pleasant buzz of a couple of glasses of champagne in your veins and a pretty dress on your body.

You had every reason to be happy.

It didn’t take an agent to recognize the steps that were crossing the roof, so instead of turning around to check, you used the few seconds to try to pull yourself together.

“Here you are,” Bucky breathed out as he reached you, and you could make out a hint of relief from his tone, which made your stomach twist. “I thought you said that you were going to the bathroom?”

His right palm came to rest on the small of your back, and a part of you thought you didn’t deserve that sort of warmth and had probably worried him on top of it.

“I did,” you said, hoping that your voice wouldn’t sound so stuffy that it would give you away. “I just needed a moment to breathe.”

“It’s pretty loud down there,” Bucky replied, shaking his head. “The party games keep getting wilder.”

You nodded, still keeping your eyes on the faraway horizon, the starry skies that spread out above the forests that surrounded the AI Campus. It was peaceful; a home, just as much as the man standing next to you was starting to be after a few months of going steady.

“Yeah,” you said, your flat tone betraying you and making that mocking voice in your head congratulate you for being some agent.

“Doll?” Bucky murmured, and even without looking, you could imagine the crease of worry on his brow. “Is everything alright?”

He knew the answer to that question — it wasn’t a question, not really, simply a chance for you to save face if you weren’t ready to talk about this right now. You weren’t sure you were, but you didn’t want him to worry.

“I’ll be fine, Bucky. I just. Holidays are hard.”

You whispered the final sentence with a voice so tiny you weren’t sure he would’ve heard the words if it wasn’t for his super hearing. Tears burned in your eyes again, the swirl of disgust and disappointment and anger a maelstrom at the bottom of your stomach. You had thought you had left all this behind; you had thought you’d gotten over it, and you weren’t sure which one you hated more, the ones that had caused you to be like this or yourself for still allowing them to have this power over you. Still, after all the years of no contact, when you had your own life and a career and a beautiful group of friends and an amazing partner, their ghosts lingered in the back of your head.

“Hey, come here,” Bucky whispered, wrapping his arms around you and bringing you to him. “Shhh.”

You buried your face against his button-up; with how hot he ran, he hadn’t bothered to get a coat, and you were immensely grateful for it since it allowed you to feel his warmth.

“It was always bad when it was the holidays. Worse than usual,” you managed to say. “And I hate it that I can’t just enjoy it even now, when everything is fine, and I’m afraid I’ll ruin the mood for everyone else and I’m already ruining your night and you’re so wonderful and I don’t deserve you!”

With your last words, you broke down into ragged sobs, and his arms tightened around you. He pressed his face against your hair and slowly rocked you from side to side, gently, letting the worst of the emotion pass you by. You scrunched the fabric of his shirt into your fists, clinging on to him like he was the only steady thing in the world.

“It’s alright, honey,” he cooed. “I’m right here.”

“I’m sorry,” you sniffed. “I’m sorry I’m ruining your night and being such a killjoy when everything is fine.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. You’re not ruining anything,” he whispered.

You centered yourself on the slow movement of his hand on your back, the heat of his body, the scent of his aftershave.

“You could’ve just told me,” he said, and it wasn’t him scolding you.

The quiet tone shot another arrow of guilt through your chest. You hated the idea of him having looked for you from the compound with a pit of worry in his stomach; you weren’t entirely sure how long you’d been gone, but it had to be at least half an hour now.

“I know the holidays aren’t the easiest for you, either,” you said. “I didn’t want to be a burden to you. I’m sorry I worried you.”

“You’re not a burden,” he said. “I want to be there for you. Makes it easier to accept… that I can have my bad days too.”

“Of course you can,” you said.

Finally, you found enough strength to lift your face to look at him. Even in the dim light, you could still see the blue of his eyes, the handsome face framed by a few locks that had escaped the half-bun on the back of his head. It made you all the more conscious about how your eyes were probably swollen and red.

“Sorry, I’m a mess,” you whispered.

“You’re beautiful,” he said. “I’m here. Even when it’s not perfect. Especially then. I love you, you know?”

It wasn’t the first time he said it but it still made you smile regardless of the emotional turmoil that still rolled its way through your body.

“I love you too,” you whispered. “Thank you for being there for me.”

“Always, doll. Always.”

[kryllia]

Through His Eyes

Yandere boyfriend x reader

art from pinterest

The first time you met Aiden, he felt like a breath of fresh air. His smile was soft, his words laced with sincerity, and his eyes—oh, those eyes—were warm pools of honey that seemed to melt away all your worries. He was perfect, almost too perfect, but you never dared question it. After all, wasn’t this what everyone wanted? Someone who understood you without words, someone who loved you so wholly and selflessly?

Aiden was the embodiment of devotion. He knew your coffee order by heart, memorized your class schedule within days, and always texted you right when it was needed most. If you were stressed after a long day, he’d already be waiting at the door with your favorite snacks and that soft, knowing smile. It was as if he could read your mind.

And in a way, he could.

But you didn’t know that yet.

It wasn’t until much later—much too late—that you realized Aiden wasn’t just attentive. He was obsessive.

Aiden sat in his dimly lit room, multiple monitors casting a faint bluish glow on his face. Each screen displayed a different angle of your apartment: the kitchen, the living room, the bedroom. His eyes lingered on the feed from the bedroom camera as you shuffled under the covers, sighing softly before drifting off to sleep.

He sighed too, mirroring you from miles away.

“You look so peaceful like this,” he whispered to no one in particular, his finger tracing the outline of your face on the screen. “So beautiful... mine.”

His phone buzzed, pulling him out of his trance. It was the tracking app. You had left your phone on the nightstand, unmoving for the past hour. He smiled, knowing you were safe, knowing you were his.

You had always wondered how Aiden seemed to know everything so well. He’d always have your favorite song playing in his car, always know when illness was about to hit before symptoms even showed. It was... uncanny. But it felt good. It felt like love.

“Do you ever get tired of being so perfect?” you teased one evening, sitting across from him in a cozy cafe.

Aiden chuckled, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “Perfect? Oh no, I just... pay attention to the things that matter.”

You.

It was always you.

The first red flag appeared on a rainy Thursday night. You had been at work late, phone dead, and bus delayed. When you finally got home, drenched and exhausted, Aiden was already there—waiting by the door, umbrella in hand.

“How did you...?” you stammered.

His smile didn’t waver. “You mentioned your shift would be longer today, remember? I wanted to make sure you got home safely.”

You shrugged it off. Aiden was sweet. Too sweet to question.

But the nagging feeling in your chest wouldn’t go away.

It wasn’t until weeks later, when you stumbled upon a small black device tucked discreetly behind a picture frame in your bedroom, that reality came crashing down.

A camera.

Your hands trembled as you held it up, your breaths shallow. Your mind raced as puzzle pieces began snapping into place: the perfectly timed texts, the way he always seemed to know where you were, the way he... watched.

Your phone buzzed.

Aiden: Are you okay, sweetheart? You seem upset.

The camera was still in your hand.

He knew.

When Aiden arrived at your apartment that night, his smile was softer than usual, his eyes alight with something... dangerous.

“You found it, didn’t you?” he said quietly, stepping into your space.

Your voice trembled. “Why, Aiden? Why would you—?”

“Because I love you,” he interrupted, his voice trembling with an intensity that sent chills down your spine. “Don’t you see? I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you.”

His hand reached for yours, but you pulled away.

“You’re scaring me,” you whispered.

His expression crumbled, hurt flashing across his face. “No, no, please don’t say that. I’d never hurt you. I just... I just needed to be sure. I needed to keep you safe. They don’t love you like I do. They don’t understand you like I do.”

Tears welled in his eyes, but behind them, you saw something unhinged. Something feral.

“You don’t have to run from me,” he pleaded, stepping closer. “You’re mine. You’ve always been mine.”

Your phone was in your hand now, your finger hovering over the emergency call button.

He saw it.

Aiden lunged.

-

Hours later, you woke up to the feeling of soft fabric against your cheek. You were lying on a plush bed in a room you didn’t recognize. The windows were covered, the air filled with the faint scent of lavender and... him.

Aiden.

You tried to sit up, but your wrists were bound with silken ropes—tight enough to hold you, soft enough not to bruise.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Aiden’s voice cooed from the corner of the room. He stepped into view, his face illuminated by the faint glow of a bedside lamp.

“You’re safe now. No one can take you away from me here.”

He sat on the edge of the bed, his hand brushing a strand of hair from your face.

“I love you so much. You understand that, don’t you?”

His eyes glistened with something almost holy, like he truly believed every word he said.

In that moment, you realized one thing with chilling certainty:

You belonged to him now.

And he was never going to let go.

[lavender543]

Longing - Chapter 2

Yandere!Knight x (Evil?)Queen!Reader

Synopsis: You are a queen with a not so great reputation. He is your most trusted, and extremely stoic knight. Lets just say you don't know just how much he would do for you. (he's been secretly pining after you for awhile). Warnings: Dark themes, topic of war, Yandere behavior (mild)

Previous chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1

Almost immediately after the other kingdoms admitted defeat to you, and the war was officially over, you ordered all knights to return to the palace. You hated the idea of them having to stay away from their home even a second longer than they had to.  

Despite the people that believe you to be evil, you still had a heart. And for that, you knew that you had to compensate these warriors for what they fought and sacrificed for your kingdom. It was only fair; you may be a cruel enemy, but you were also a very generous ally. 

So, upon the arrival of the surviving knights, you would bestow them each a title (if they didn't have one already), a plot of land, and enough money to live a comfortable life.  

There would be a grand ball held in honour of the brave knights, and for the victory of your kingdom. Everyone, not just nobles, was invited. You would hold a tremendous feast so that, at least for a night, everyone could eat well, (poverty was no stranger to your kingdom unfortunately).  

In foresight, you dreaded having to clean up after this war, it took a toll on your kingdom's riches, but you were determined to make up for it.  

The ball was not only to celebrate the victory, but to also show your people what was to come. That, and you couldn't help but hope it would cease the protests that have been going on since the war started.  

So, with that, you were neck deep in work and preparations for the celebration, as well as taking care of the aftermath of war. You were swamped with work right up until the day the soldiers arrived at the capital. 

There was a huge parade, and everyone celebrated their return. Families got to see their loved ones once more. It was safe to say that many were happy. You couldn't help but let your cold exterior crack slightly, a smile appearing on your face at the warm displays.  

After the parade, you sat atop your throne, as you announced the payment each knight would be given, as well as their release of contract. Those who wished could continue to serve you as royal knights, or they could live a quiet life with their payment. No one seemed to have an issue with these options, to your relief.   

Then, you dismissed everyone for the rest of the day to rest and prepare for the ball. The crowd cheered with joy as everyone slowly descended. 

You were not oblivious to the Grande knights' accomplishments, or his reputation as the “bloodhound.” You knew of all the rumors about this certain warrior; that he was ruthless, heartless, the list was endless. You weren't one to believe gossip, but it did intrigue you. Who was this man? And was he as cold and despicable as everyone described?  

Besides your curiosity, you had also wanted to reward him personally for his contributions to the war. So, you called a private meeting with him after the parade and waited in your throne room for his arrival.  

--------- 

Everett was beside himself when he was informed you wished to see him in private. Did you possibly know it was him? The boy you met in the garden? But how could you? He had changed so much since that day; he was almost unrecognizable. 

You had changed as well, he thought. When he saw you up there on that pedestal, during the parade, he was breath taken. After his rough journey back to the capital, his tired, baggy eyes felt relief upon the sight of you. You shined so brightly; it looked as if there was a halo above your head.  

You had grown up so beautifully (not that you weren't already beautiful before) and so elegant yet powerful, and he was convinced you were a goddess. He, a filthy dog, felt unworthy to even look upon your divine self. In fact, everyone here was unworthy of even looking at you.  

Before he could think much more about it, your angelic voice rang out, as you informed the soldiers you were to reward them for their services. Gods you were so benevolent, so kind and giving.  

He was so engrossed in staring up at you, that he didn't realize his heart was thundering in his chest at the mere sight of you; It was almost painful, just as it was now, as he stood outside the doors to your throne room.  

---------- 

You were surprised by the sight of the grand knight as he entered the room. You didn't know what you were anticipating, but it definitely wasn't this hulking figure. He was quite tall, and broad with muscle. His hair was as dark as a starless night sky, and long enough to reach his shoulders.  

He walked up to the throne you were sitting on and kneeled in front of you, not once looking at you. His hair covered his face as he bowed, and you couldn't get a good look at it.  

Ok now you definitely needed to know what he looked like; the anticipation was killing you.   

“No need to kneel, you have proven yourself quite enough, honorable knight. Stand up so I can see your face.”  

Your command was strict and confident, that of an experienced ruler, yet it was soft at the same time.  

He followed your command almost instantly, standing tall and stiff. As you gazed into each other's eyes, you couldn't help the feeling of familiarity washing through you, yet you couldn't quite place it.  

Brushing the feeling aside, you spoke: 

“I have called you here today in order to reward you personally for the great effort and success you have achieved in the war. Not only did you rise to the highest position as Grande knight, but you also led your troupes to countless victories and essentially won the war. For that, I am grateful, and with this gratitude, I shall grant you any one wish you so choose.”  

The knight remained stoic throughout your speech, and you wondered if he even cared about this whole thing. There was a moment of silence, where the two of you just looked into each other's eyes......but then it got awkward, and you spoke once more. 

“If it is needed, you may take a few days before deciding on what you would like...” 

You trailed off, not knowing what else to say. The knight was expressionless the whole time. It was a little scary in all honesty, but you were a queen, you were used to these types of interactions.  

Then, almost hesitantly, the knight replied. 

“If I may, your Majesty, I have my wish.” 

There was a beat, “and that is....?” 

You said, intrigued. 

“I would like to be your personal guard, your Highness, that is my wish.” 

He said it confidently, as if he already knew what he wanted beforehand. You couldn't help but gape at his response, not ever would you have guessed this would be his response. Without thinking you blurted: “Are you sure this is what you want? I was thinking you would want something like riches, or.....”  

You trailed off awkwardly. This whole thing was just odd, but he replied quickly so you couldn't dwell. 

“Yes, this is what I want.” 

Still surprised, you replied hesitantly. 

“Very well, I promised you anything, and if this is your wish, you shall be my personal guard. We will discuss matters more in depth later, but for now, go and enjoy the ball.” 

At your dismissal, the Grande knight nodded, turning to leave. 

“Wait!” 

you called out without thinking, quickly composing yourself. 

“I must know, what is your name?” 

He turned back to you and spoke calmly. 

“It is Everett, your majesty, just as you named me.” 

And with that, he turned and left, leaving you to sit there in shock.  

It was him; you finally recognized him. The little boy from your childhood.  

----------- 

As soon as the doors closed, Everett panted heavily, a blush spreading rampant over his face. His heart felt as if it would beat out of his chest (and across the frickin world at this point). His hands shook as he ran them up over his face and then combed through his hair. 

He couldn't believe that had just happened. You would let him—he got to--he would get to spend every day with you now, be by your side, protect you--this was the best day of his life. And the way you commanded him like that—his eyes rolled back recalling the pleasure.  

He’s waited so long for this. He may not be worthy of you, no one could be worthy of you-- you were meant to be worshipped--but he would do his best.  

So, as Everett walked down the large, beautifully adorned hallway, he thought of all the ways he could please you.  

A/N: Another chapter Yayyyy! Hope you guys enjoyed it! Next chapter will be the royal ball! I'll try to get the next chapter out within the next few days :D

[thewayitalknj]

This was supposed to be a full blown mini-story but I got distracted so...here it is like this!

Established Relationship w/ Eddie.

🎆🎇🎆🎇

Robin and Vickie tell everyone they're getting married...in Vegas...on New Year's Eve...and they'll be pronounced officially married right at midnight to ring in the new year...by Elvis. And the ceremony is already booked.....MONTHS in advance.

Honestly, no one in your friend group is shocked to hear that they're doing something like this. So you all agree to go, it's not even a question. You spend the next few weeks booking, planning.

You and Eddie have been dating for a few years, and everyone always kept asking when you were going to get hitched yourself. But you guys never really thought about it, just being together was enough for the both of you. Y'all didn't really want a label or cared for it, you practically felt married at this point.

But all this planning has you thinking ... What if you and Eddie did get married? How would you do it? Would you have a huge wedding? What would the ring look like? Would you take his last name fully or would you hyphenate your last name with his? What would your dress look like? Would you hire music or would the guys just get together to jam as your wedding band?

****

When the day finally comes and it's so exciting. So much love is in the air and you can feel it.

Robin and Vickie look wonderful in their outfits. All the girls picked their own dresses, but in a champagne color. All the guys look handsome in their dress-like fits.

You and Eddie walk down the tiny aisle together, he thought you looked stunning, beautiful, every adjective he could think of was running through his mind. And while the ceremony was being (sung) and spoken to by Elvis, he couldn't keep his eyes off you. The same thoughts have been running through his head just as yours has. Seeing how happy his friends were during this magical time in their life made him want to make you this happy. He knew he made you happy but the thought of all this? It made his heart flutter.

Robin and Vickie kiss at the stroke of midnight while everyone cheered. You join Eddie a few minutes later and kiss him, it may not have been right at midnight like the last few years but it still meant something. Another year with the person you love, what more could you both ask for?

****

A few weeks have passed since the trip, you and Eddie are laying in bed watching a rerun of your favorite show. You're lying on his chest, he's rubbing your back.

He looks down at you and says "so...you wanna like...get married or something?"

"Huh?" You maneuver yourself to look up at him.

He smiles, "You heard me."

Suddenly all those thoughts that were drifting in your mind a while ago disappear. "Are you...serious? Like really serious? Because I'll marry you tomorrow at the court house if you want."

He chuckles, moving your hair out of the way, "Sound like a plan."

****

Quick Notes - Happy New Year <:) (he's wearing a party hat)

[spacebabesuki]

Midnight Love — Hellcheer New Year's Eve

Eddie Munson was officially on the verge of a meltdown. He was leaning against the corner of Steve Harrington’s living room, gripping a red plastic cup filled with drink as the chaos of the New Year's Eve party swirled around him.

The loud music, the laughter, and the chatter filled the air, along with the sparkle of flashing lights, confetti on the floor, and balloons hanging from gold and silver curtains that seemed to float.

But for Eddie, all of that was just a blur. Because, right there, on the other side of the room, was Chrissy Cunningham.

She was wearing a short light pink dress that seemed to glow with its own magic under the twinkling lights. Her blonde-red hair fell in soft waves, ending in perfectly defined curls that resembled honey springs. Her eyes sparkled with a shimmering gleam, and her flushed cheeks seemed almost to match her lips, pink and inviting, glistening with a shine that left him breathless.

Eddie felt that every time he looked at her, Chrissy became even more beautiful, and the effect was almost suffocating.

"You’re pale." Robin’s familiar voice snapped him out of his trance. She appeared at his side, grinning conspiratorially. "Like, really pale. I can see the drool dripping, Munson. If I were her, I would’ve already filed for a restraining order."

"You scared the hell out of me!" he clutched his chest, terrified of being caught in the act. "What are you talking about?" Eddie tried to cover up, looking away, but his hands were shaking so badly that he almost spilled the beer in his red cup.

Robin gave him a knowing, sarcastic look, as if to say "seriously?"

He sighed, defeated. "Is it that obvious?"

"As clear as day. And embarrassing as hell, too, Munson." Robin laughed, rolling her eyes before nudging him with her elbow.

"Damn it." Eddie scratched his face, feeling the weight of embarrassment.

He didn’t even know why he had come to this party. He was invited because, over the last year, he had gotten closer to everyone thanks to the "kid" — aka Dustin — and because Robin was his coworker at the video store. But, above all, it was because he knew Chrissy would be here. He’d gotten that information out of Robin, of course, but she wasn’t stupid — not as stupid as him, at least.

"Every time she shows up at the video store, you act like the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes. I can practically picture you spinning around like a complete idiot. It’s embarrassing, but…" Robin paused dramatically.

"Fuck it. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t know what I was thinking."

Nervously, Eddie dropped the red cup aimlessly, trying to turn and leave, desperate, embarrassed, terrified Chrissy had already noticed and thought he was an idiot, just like Robin probably thought. After all, Robin knew girls like no one else... oh, how well she knew them.

"I’m outta here."

Just coming here and looking at her was enough... at least he’d have something to dream about tonight.

"Hey, dumbass, get back here!" Robin yanked him back by the arm, laughing. "I was just about to say that it’s actually kinda cute."

Eddie stopped dead in his tracks, completely thrown off. He’d never imagined anyone could think that about him—especially in the context of Chrissy Cunningham. Him, Eddie Munson, the most unlikely guy in town, thinking he had a shot with Chrissy? He had even gone so far as to steal a black shirt from Uncle Wayne and try to fix his hair. He’d left half of his rings at home just to look more presentable. But who was he fooling? Nothing would ever be enough for him to be good enough for Chrissy.

"Oh, shit. Fuck it. So what? It’s Chrissy Cunningham. As if... ah, fuck it."

He gestured nervously, disturbed, while Robin laughed at his state. It was stupid, but cute. She’d known since the first day she met him that there were only two things running through Eddie Munson’s dumb mind: Metallica and Chrissy Cunningham.

"Why are men so dumb?" Robin commented, her voice raspy from the alcohol, but still carrying a smile. "Eddie, I always knew you were stupid, but damn, you’re even dumber than I thought."

"Am I?" He frowned.

"Dude, she broke up with Jason Carver because of you. Nine months ago, when you helped her in that forest. After that, she goes to the video store four times a week. Know who else does that? No one." Robin crossed her arms, exasperated. "I thought she kept coming back because you're an idiot who doesn't even blink around her, giving her all the tapes for free and ending up broke at the end of the month. But last year? She only went there once. Now, suddenly, she's a loyal customer? And what else does she do there, besides giving you those little smiles for the dumb shit you say? I think she doesn't even have any more movies to rent, but she keeps coming back.

Eddie blinked, even more confused. Robin continued.

"She invited you to a basketball game, and you didn’t go, but you were staring through the window like a freak. And you really think she doesn’t like you? Are you really that stupid? Are you really that much of an idiot? I was confused too at first, wondering what kind of shit this girl has in her brain to be interested in a dumbass like you, but apparently..."

Eddie blinked, Robin's words slowly starting to sink in.

"That doesn’t mean anything. It’s... it’s Chrissy Cunningham, for fuck's sake!" He took the cup to his lips and downed the rest of the drink in one gulp. "She literally dated Jason Carver, the guy who gets everything in life. And I’m..." He gestured to himself, as if that would explain everything.

“You’re Eddie Munson, and that’s why she likes you. Why? I have no idea, honestly. But now you’re going to go talk to her before I push you over there.” Robin crossed her arms, challenging him.

Eddie started shaking his head, the nervous tremor growing.

“No, are you crazy? I’m not going over there. No way.” He looked around, searching for an escape route.

“You need to rip off the Band-Aid already,” Robin insisted, pointing to Chrissy on the other side of the room.

“This isn’t ripping off a Band-Aid, Robin!” Eddie exclaimed, gesturing frantically. “It’s like sticking a damn stake in me! Impaling me in public! No, I’m not going. If I do... she’ll never look at me again.”

“Or maybe she’ll look at you every single day... or kiss that stupid face of yours every single day. Ever thought about that?” Robin raised an eyebrow, teasing him.

For a brief moment, Eddie lost himself in the idea, but quickly shook his head, as if trying to shake the thought out of his mind.

“No, no way. She’s like... Aphrodite, and I’m... I don’t know, the Hunchback of Notre-Dame. I’m not going over there. I’m not falling for your delusional girl talk. I know what’s up. You just want to humiliate me so you can laugh at me later, don’t you?”

Robin rolled her eyes dramatically, trying to hold onto her patience.

“Fine, idiot. Stay here, don’t listen to me, and let that asshole Brian Slagel steal her from you just because you’re too much of a coward to do anything.”

Robin pointed with her chin toward Brian, who was clearly eyeing Chrissy and making suggestive gestures as his friends laughed.

Eddie froze. His chest tightened, the same feeling he'd had for years, ever since the middle school talent show, when he’d wanted to die every time he saw Chrissy in the halls with Jason Carver. And then she broke up with Jason, and Eddie was sure that was the happiest day of his life... but now... shit, another rich, asshole jock was already eyeing her.

Of course, someone like Brian Slagel would be eyeing Chrissy too. Everyone would. Why wouldn’t they? She was perfect, untouchable. Eddie knew that. Of course, there was a line of guys waiting for her, and he was at the very end of that line—if he was even on the list at all. Maybe, in an apocalyptic scenario, or if they were the last two survivors on a deserted island, she might pick him. That was the kind of thought he let slip in his more fantastical daydreams.

"This girl is crazy about you, Eddie. Really crazy. Want to bet? Twenty bucks that, if you go talk to her now, she'll be giving you all those little smiles." Robin stared at him seriously. "Go, now. Take the chance while she's alone. She's out of place, don’t you notice? She doesn’t know anyone here except us. And you’re just standing here, letting her be alone."

"She came because you invited her!" Eddie shot back defensively, as if that was an argument that could win him any points.

"I invited her to help you, you idiot!" Robin threw her hands up in exasperation. "I couldn’t stand her coming to the video store every day, hanging around for an hour just listening to your nonsense and pretending to be interested in your crappy recommendations, waiting for you to grow the balls to ask her out. Eddie, she’s the most popular girl in Hawkins. She could be at any New Year’s party, one of those fancy ones we’d only get into if we threatened someone. But she’s here. She came here, even though she doesn’t know almost anyone, just because she knew you’d be here. She came because of you, you’re an idiot, don’t you get it? And now, you’re just going to leave her there, all alone, and not even talk to her?"

Eddie felt the weight of Robin's words. Maybe she was right. Maybe Chrissy really had come because of him. And maybe... just maybe... he wasn’t as unlikely as he thought.

Eddie stared at the space between him and Chrissy as if it were an impossible chasm to cross. She was there, alone, and for a moment, it felt like the entire world had stopped. But before he could make a decision—or come up with an excuse to run—Robin shoved him hard, pulling him out of his stupor.

"Go! Go over there and say your nonsense to her and make her smile!" Robin said, her patience already running thin. "She's been looking at you all night, you idiot!"

Robin knew girls. He didn’t. Still, he was too insecure to believe he stood a chance.

"What do I do? What do I say, fuck?" Eddie whispered to himself, panic rising and mixing with the heat of the room.

He tried to turn back, but Robin shoved him again, this time with more force, drawing the attention of the entire party. Including Chrissy’s.

"Ah, fuck." Eddie froze. Chrissy was looking directly at him. And, to his total disbelief, she smiled. "What do I say?" he yelled at Robin, desperate.

It wasn’t a smile that said she was laughing at his ridiculousness—it was a shy, almost sweet smile.

She waved at him, a shy, embarrassed wave, as if saying, "Hey, come talk to me, please." And for a moment, Eddie forgot how to breathe. He almost dropped his cup.

"HA, I told you! Go, you idiot, go now, it’s the perfect chance. No girl likes being alone on New Year’s, go. Just tell her she looks pretty and it’ll work, just go, trust me," Robin said with one last shove.

Trust her? Fuck, he was going to die.

When Eddie finally got close to her, he stopped, as breathless as if he had run a marathon.

"Hi, Eddie," Chrissy said, with a smile that seemed to light up the room. Her voice was soft, almost musical, and he felt even more dizzy. She was so close now, and her sweet scent seemed to envelop him, making him lightheaded.

Up close, everything about her was even more mesmerizing. The shimmer of her makeup highlighted her eyes, and her rosy lips gleamed under the colorful lights of the party. He had never seen her look so beautiful, and for a moment, he thought he might just pass out right there. Or maybe lie down on the floor and serve as a carpet for her to walk on, because honestly, he didn’t think he deserved much more than that.

He tried to say something, but the fingers holding his cup were trembling so much that he had to switch hands to keep from spilling everything.

Eddie opened his mouth, but no words came out. He was lost in her smile, the tiny freckles almost invisible in the soft light, the way her hair shone like it was made of gold. And for a moment, he forgot all his fear, because at that moment, only Chrissy Cunningham existed.

Looking like an absolute idiot, paralyzed, she noticed, seeing him pale and unblinking.

Chrissy tilted her head, still smiling, and asked gently:

"Are you okay?"

Okay, just tell her she’s pretty, tell her she’s pretty. Eddie sighed, thinking to himself, panicking.

"H-Hey," he scratched the back of his neck, nervous, before blurting out: "You... you look... really pretty today... I mean, not just today, like, every... every day, and..."

Chrissy blushed and gave him those little smiles she always gave when she was near him, her eyes sparkling as she looked at him.

"Thank you," she bit her lip, a little shy. "You look... nice too... yeah, handsome."

She smiled, turning red, and he realized that she seemed nervous too, and fuck, that almost killed him.

"The shirt... I like it." She pointed at his black shirt, all shy, awkward.

He looked at his own shirt, which seemed too simple compared to the shine of her dress, but the comment was enough to make him stumble over his words. Not believing it. Not believing that she was actually nervous around him.

She was like a goddess. He couldn't imagine touching her, touching that dress. His hands weren’t worthy.

"Ah, thanks! It’s... new. I mean, from my uncle... and..." He nervously laughed, scratching his face again, feeling like he was about to explode. He didn’t know what the hell to say.

Chrissy laughed, the sweet sound calming some of his nerves.

Robin laughed, shaking her head, watching the two of them in the corner of the party, alone and awkward.

“What are you looking at?” Nancy appeared.

“Look, Chrissy and Eddie” Robin pointed. “It’s so cute. Only they don’t realize how in love they are, it’s almost nauseating.

Eddie cleared his throat, trying to shake off the lump in his throat. He had never been so aware of every move, every word. But something about the way Chrissy smiled at him—shy and a little nervous—gave him a strange courage he didn’t know where it was coming from.

"So…" He gestured with the cup in his hand, almost spilling the drink in the process. "S-So, did you like the last movies you picked up from the video store? I mean, I know most of them were a bunch of my recommendations, and I… um, I kind of have a peculiar taste, you know. But, yeah, you… did you like them?"

Chrissy tilted her head, smiling so sweetly that he almost melted right there.

"I did!" she replied, her eyes sparkling. "Actually, I'd already seen E.T., but it was so good to watch it again. And that other one, the horror movie… Night of the Living Dead, right? It was… scary, but… fun? You were right, I think I'm starting to like these weird movies." She laughed, biting her lip as if apologizing. "I think it’s your fault."

Eddie opened his mouth, surprised, but quickly composed himself, trying to hide the idiot grin that threatened to take over his face.

"Oh, me? My fault?" He placed a hand on his chest, feigning indignation. "Look, I won’t accept complaints about good taste in movies, okay? If you’re liking them, it’s because, obviously, you’ve got a great mentor."

Chrissy laughed again, a sound so light and contagious that he felt his chest warm up. She looked away for a moment, her hands fidgeting with the hem of her dress as if needing something to occupy her fingers.

"Well, I think you’ve got a point…" She looked back at him, kind of from below, still a little shy, but with something different in her eyes—a subtle confidence he’d never noticed before. "But… it’s not just that. It’s fun listening to you talk about the things you like, you know? You always seem so… passionate about everything. I think that's really cool."

Eddie blinked, his throat closing up again. Passionate? She thinks I’m passionate? Fuck, she has no idea…

"Uh, well…" He scratched the back of his neck again, nervous, but this time a laugh slipped out. "I talk too much, huh? Sometimes I think I’m gonna get banned from the video store because people are gonna start running away from me."

Chrissy shook her head quickly, her golden curls bouncing along with the movement.

"No, I like it. It's one of the best parts of my day," she said it so softly it almost felt like a secret, and her face turned even redder.

Eddie felt his legs weaken, as if she had just delivered a critical blow to him. He forced himself to say something before he truly passed out from the intensity of it all.

"Well, it's… good that you like it, because I'm definitely not stopping talking about my nerdy stuff anytime soon. Like, if you want, I can even make a list of recommendations for you. I think I’ve got, like, twenty ideas right now."

Chrissy laughed again, this time putting her hand over her mouth, as if trying to contain the sound. Her gaze was bright, her blue eyes fixed on his, and she leaned her body a little closer.

"Twenty? All that?" she teased, her lips curving into a genuine smile. "I guess I'll have to go to the video store more often then."

"More than you already do?" Eddie replied before he thought, then turned bright red when he realized what he'd said. "I mean… not that I'm keeping count or anything! Just… just saying you're already, like, number one customer, right? And, well… that's cool. Or, or I could start watching with you and… save you some money and…"

Jesus, he didn’t even know what he was saying anymore. He just wanted to die from embarrassment.

Chrissy looked at him with that soft, affectionate smile and gently shook her head.

"It’s cool, yeah. And I… I’d love to," she said quietly, almost killing him. After a moment of nervous silence, she tilted her head again, a curious look in her eyes. "And you? Are you enjoying the party?"

Eddie opened his mouth to answer, but stopped, feeling his heart race. He knew the answer, but saying it out loud was another thing. He took a deep breath and risked it.

"Now?" He looked directly at her, feeling the nervousness recede for just a moment. "Now it's perfect."

Chrissy blushed even more, her shy smile returning, and the two of them stood there, in the corner of the party, just smiling at each other, as if the rest of the world had disappeared.

"I think I owe you a million bucks," she laughed. "For all the movies you gave me for free. Does your boss… does he not complain about it?"

Eddie never let her pay. Even when she tried to sneak money into his hand and run out, afraid he'd get into trouble, he'd just slip the money into the bag and not let her pay. And she’d smile when she got home.

Sometimes, he’d write on the receipt: "Just a gift, Cunningham, accept it."

And yeah, sure, he got in trouble with the boss and lost half his paycheck, but he didn’t care. He’d do anything just to get those little smiles from her.

Eddie scratched the back of his neck, his gaze fixed on Chrissy as she gently swayed, still shy. The silence between them was heavy, but at the same time soft, as if something was about to happen. They were both blushing, looking away and then back at each other, caught in that strange but sweet tension.

He broke the silence, wanting more time with her.

"You... um, do you want something to drink? What are you drinking?" he finally managed to say, his eyes drifting to the cup she was holding with delicate fingers, adorned with a golden heart bracelet that sparkled under the lights. Her nails were perfect, painted with shiny polish, and he couldn't help but notice.

Chrissy looked at her almost empty cup, smiling shyly. "Oh, it's punch..."

"Do you want... do you want me to get you more?" Eddie asked quickly, pointing to the cup.

She nodded, her shy smile growing, and handed the cup to him. When he took it, their fingers almost touched, hers lightly brushing against his for a moment.

Eddie felt a shiver run up his arm, like a little electric shock.

"Thanks, Eddie," she said softly, swaying slightly as she smiled in that way that seemed to light up everything around her.

Eddie stumbled as he walked away, moving backward and almost spilling his own drink. He glanced at her quickly before turning forward, his heart racing. Why was the touch of her finger enough to make him feel this way? He took a deep breath and went to the table, filling her cup with punch, but his mind was still stuck on that sweet little laugh she let out when he tripped.

From a distance, he could see her laughing softly, her shoulders rising and falling as she watched him. That laugh made him want to throw himself on the floor just to hear her laugh like that all the time.

Eddie came back with the cup, his hands still shaking from nerves. Chrissy was still there, swaying side to side, her eyes downcast, and her cheeks flushed with a red that made him feel like his heart might stop at any second. He still couldn’t believe she hadn’t run off while he was gone.

"Here," he said, handing her the cup carefully, but a little punch spilled out and stained her hand. "Ah, damn, sorry! My bad, really sorry!"

Chrissy laughed softly, shaking her head. "It’s okay, Eddie, seriously."

But he couldn't let it go. "No, wait!" He ran back to the table, grabbing some napkins and returning to clean her hand. "Just... just a second, I’ll clean it!" He began to wipe her hand, his fingers lightly brushing hers in a way that felt almost reverent, like she was made of glass. The care he took, the attention to every movement, made her blush even more.

"All done," he finally said, lifting his gaze to her with a nervous smile, his ears red. "I couldn’t let you stain your pretty dress, so..." he said, his gaze never leaving her, as if trying to convey more than just the words.

"Thanks," Chrissy replied quietly, her eyes sparkling. She was holding the cup, but she seemed more focused on him than the drink.

For a moment, the two of them stood there, side by side, the silence between them filled only by the distant sound of music and the lively voices of the party. He leaned in slightly, trying to appear more casual than he felt.

"Are you enjoying the party?" he asked, trying to break the ice, though his heart was still pounding.

"Yeah..." Chrissy replied, swaying lightly, her pretty dress shimmering under the lights of the room. "But... not that much."

"Why?"

Eddie furrowed his brow, curious, with the fear that he might be the reason the party wasn’t going well for her.

Chrissy hesitated, biting her lower lip nervously. But something in his gaze – the look that seemed to truly see her, that made her feel special in a way no one else ever had – encouraged her to continue.

"It’s just... I don’t know almost anyone here," she started, laughing quietly, embarrassed. "And also..." She blushed even more, lowering her eyes before finishing, "It's the first time I don’t have anyone to kiss at midnight, so..."

The words came out as a nervous whisper, but Eddie heard them clearly. Kiss? He felt his stomach churn. For a moment, his mind flew to Brian Slagel, wondering if he was the guy Chrissy wanted to kiss at midnight.

But then, she looked up at him, her eyes shimmering with something different—shyness mixed with anticipation.

"I… I can keep you company, if you want," he stammered, his voice shaky, the words slipping out before he had time to think. He completely ignored the kiss part, because, seriously, what were the chances she was hitting on him?

But then she smiled. A smile so big, so beautiful, that it seemed to light up her whole face. He thought he might just collapse right there.

"I’d love that," Chrissy replied, her voice so sweet it could’ve been honey.

Before Eddie could say anything else, the energy of the party shifted. People began rushing toward the door, animated conversations echoing as everyone prepared for the countdown.

23:56. Four minutes to midnight. Couples gathered, eagerly awaiting the New Year’s kiss.

"Do you… do you want to go outside?" Chrissy asked, her voice soft, almost hesitant. She bit her lip, anxious, her fingers gripping her cup tightly as she waited for his response.

Eddie just nodded, unable to form any words. He followed her outside, still trying to believe that this was really happening.

As they walked toward the door, Chrissy looked at Eddie in a way he had never noticed before, but that had always been there. Her eyes glimmered with something more than the light reflected from the New Year’s decorations. It was a warm, passionate glow that made her gaze feel like he was the only person in the world.

She smiled to herself, gently biting her lip to hide her nervousness, but it was impossible to disguise how happy she was to be with him. Her eyes danced over his details: the messy hair, the nervous smile, the awkward way he still held the empty cup. She knew he was nervous, and that only made him more perfect.

He’s so handsome, and he’s even more so tonight. She had never seen him in a shirt like this before, and the way it fit him—his strong shoulders seemed even more defined, the sleeves rolled up, the tattoos peeking out, the belt, the white sneakers, the rings—all of it was still there. And then there was his smile, the most beautiful smile. But the truth was, she had been in love with him since that day in the woods, the way he made her laugh, and that feeling—just being near him—made her breathless no matter what.

Every little thing about him felt like it was part of the reason her heart raced. It wasn’t just the way he looked or dressed, but the way he made her feel. The way he was so real, so imperfectly perfect. The way he was nervous, how he couldn’t seem to keep his hands still, but that was what made him so genuine.

She could feel her pulse quicken just being around him, as if every glance and every word exchanged was another step closer to something she had been wanting for so long.

Chrissy walked close, so close that her arm brushed against his with each step, the fabric of her shiny dress lightly touching the sleeve of the shirt he had borrowed from Uncle Wayne.

She let the contact happen slowly, almost as if she wanted him to notice, to finally understand what she felt.

For nine months, she had waited, going to the video store every week, listening to him talk about movies and bands, hoping for some sign that he knew the effect he had on her. But Eddie seemed oblivious, lost in his own insecurities.

Her heart was racing, her cheeks flushed, and she felt like she could float just by being near him. Every move he made, no matter how small, seemed perfect, and it made her chest ache with tenderness. He wasn’t trying to be something he wasn’t. He was just Eddie, the guy who made her laugh and feel at ease, the guy who had made her heart skip a beat from the moment they met, and oh my god, she...she loves him, she loves him, loves him.

The realization hit her like a wave, crashing over her with such force that it took her breath away. She had been falling for him without even realizing it, and now, in this moment, it was so clear.

Chrissy took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Inside, she was a mess, completely in love, daydreaming about him since the day their worlds collided in that forest. She remembered how funny and kind he was, how he made jokes just to get a smile from her. She remembered how he always seemed surprised when she laughed at his silly comments, as if he couldn’t believe someone like her would find him funny.

And now, with him by her side, walking so close that she could feel the warmth of his body, all she could think about was how badly she wanted him to know. How she wanted him to understand that all those nine months of visiting the video store, the smiles and glances, had been for him. That she didn’t need tapes or movies; she needed him.

She bit her lip again, anxious, as her arm brushed against his once more. This time, she didn’t pull away. She let the touch linger, waiting, hoping that he would finally realize what she was trying to say without words.

As they stepped outside, the cold air was interrupted by the loud, annoying voice of Brian Slagel. He appeared with a cup in his hand and a smug grin, stumbling a little in his own overconfidence.

"Chrissy! You’re alone, babe?" he asked, completely ignoring Eddie beside her. "It’s New Year’s, you know? You can’t be without a kiss at midnight."

Eddie stopped, his heart sinking, thinking maybe this was what she wanted. Maybe she wanted Brian. He took a step back, his shoulders slumping, trying to look indifferent, but his eyes never left her face.

Chrissy, however, immediately pulled away, yanking her arm out of Brian’s grip.

"No, I don’t want that, Brian. Let go of me!"

Brian laughed as if she were joking, moving closer.

"Come on, babe. Jason Carver was an idiot for losing you. I’m not."

Eddie saw her expression change. The sweetness in her face turned to something more tense, uncomfortable, and she tried to push Brian away again.

That was enough. Eddie, who had been paralyzed by doubt until then, felt his blood boil. He moved before he could think, pushing Brian away from her.

"Hey, she said no, are you deaf? Don’t touch her, you jerk!" Eddie growled, his tone fiercer than he had ever expected, the urge to knock the guy out surging through him.

He had always been the nerd, too weak for fights, but for her… it was like a protective instinct had surged, one that made him feel like he could crush this guy with his bare hands.

Brian looked at him as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"And who the hell do you think you are, weirdo? Why don't you go back to your hole, huh?"

Before Brian could make another move, Eddie shoved him hard, sending him stumbling backward and crashing to the ground. The chaos was instant, with people shouting and forming a circle around the two of them. Brian quickly got up and shoved Eddie back, knocking him down to the ground.

The impact made Eddie hit the floor, the collective gasp from the crowd echoing in his ears. He felt the pain shoot through his back and, worse, the weight of humiliation. He stared up at the sky, thinking he might have just made the worst choice ever.

Great, Munson, he thought, now you look like an idiot. You should’ve stayed quiet. Now you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of her.

But before he could even get up, Chrissy was there, kneeling beside him.

“Eddie! Oh my God, are you okay?” Her voice was full of concern, and he felt her delicate fingers gently hold his face, turning it upward.

For a moment, Eddie was completely lost, staring at her. Chrissy’s hair framed her face perfectly, her dress shimmering under the glow sticks began to light up, reflecting in her blue eyes as if he had died and gone to heaven.

“Did I hit my head too hard, or are you an angel?” He asked, his voice weak but honest.

Chrissy laughed, that sweet sound he loved, and her smile lit up everything around them.

“You goofball.” She shook her head, her eyes still worried, as she helped him to his feet. “Are you okay?”

Eddie didn’t answer right away. He was standing, but his focus was entirely on her, still holding his arm to steady him, looking at him as if he were the most important thing in that moment.

“I think so,” he finally murmured, his heart still pounding in his chest.

Chrissy smiled, a little more relieved, and only then did she let go of him, allowing him to stand on his own.

The countdown began, but for Eddie, everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. She was still there, by his side, her eyes sparkling as if nothing else mattered.

“Ten! Nine!”

Eddie felt his breath quicken, as if the air around him was too heavy. He could still feel Chrissy’s fingers holding his face moments ago, the soft touch that left him on the edge of an internal combustion.

He looked at her, still so close, face to face with him, her face illuminated by the lights of the fireworks starting to explode in the distance.

“Eight! Seven!”

Chrissy tilted her head slightly, her eyes shining with something he couldn’t quite decipher, but it made him want to freeze this moment forever.

“Are you nervous?” she asked, her voice as sweet as a whisper, a half-smile tugging at her lips, part daring, part shy.

He laughed, his throat dry.

“Is it that obvious?”

“A little.” Chrissy laughed along, the sound warming his chest in a way he hadn’t known he needed.

“Six! Five!”

She took a subtle step closer, her fingers brushing his arm, her gaze never leaving his.

“You’re... getting pretty close,” he murmured, feeling his heart hammering.

“Is that a problem?” she asked, her lips curling into a smile that seemed both mischievous and innocent at the same time.

“Four! Three!”

“No. Definitely not. Hell, no,” he trembled, still in disbelief that this was really happening.

Chrissy stood on her toes, her eyes so close that Eddie could barely think of anything else.

“Two! One!”

“Happy New Year!” the crowd shouted.

And then Chrissy smiled again, her face so close that Eddie barely had time to react. She stood on her toes, and her lips met his in a soft, sweet kiss at first, but it quickly grew into one full of increasing intensity.

Eddie stood still for a second, his mind blank, before finally giving in to the moment. He placed one hand on her waist, the other gently moving up her back, pulling her closer, finally feeling the fabric of her shimmering dress and the taste of her gloss, making a mess on both their chins.

She sighed, trembling against his lips, and he did too. The sounds of the fireworks in the sky, the glowing sticks around them, and the cheers of the crowd faded away, leaving only the sound of their racing hearts.

The kiss was better than in his dreams – sweet, but with a quiet urgency that made him want to hold her forever.

Chrissy pulled back slightly, her face still close to his, her lips curling into a shy smile, her cheeks flushed.

“Happy New Year, Eddie,” she murmured, so softly he almost didn’t hear it.

He lifted his hand to hold her cheek, his fingers grazing her soft skin, incredulous.

And then he lowered his hand, finding hers. The two of them stood there, hand in hand, looking at each other with hearteyes, surrounded by all the shimmering lights.

“Happy New Year, angel.” The words escaped in a low whisper, but full of a feeling he couldn’t name. “Can I kiss you again? Or just in a year?”

“Idiot,” she laughed, that sweet smile that only he got. “How about all year long?” She stood on her toes again, tilting her face, and this time, it was him who kissed her and took the lead.

Before they could savor the moment any longer, a shout pierced the air:

“I KNEW IT! YOU OWE ME 20 BUCKS, YOU JERK! I TOLD YOU, I TOLD YOU IT'S NOT NORMAL SOMEONE RENT 20 MOVIES A WEEK, HA!” Robin, clearly drunk, shouted from a distance, laughing.

Eddie began to laugh, while Chrissy, visibly embarrassed, hid her face against his chest, laughing softly. He wrapped his arms around her, shielding her from the world outside.

"Ignore her," he said, smiling. "I do it all the time."

Chrissy lifted her eyes to him, still blushing, and laughed, a light sound full of happiness. Eddie looked at her, realizing that for the first time in months, there were no more nerves, no more doubts. He was exactly where he wanted to be—no, where he was meant to be.

And she, with a smile, closed her eyes, feeling happy as she held onto his back, making a wish when the fireworks exploded in the sky at midnight. She felt his chest against her cheek, wishing for the night to never end, hoping he would never become a stranger—one whose laugh she could recognize anywhere.

There’s glitter on the floor after the party Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor You and me forevermore.

She wants all his midnights.

[juullllssss]

Knightorder 141 x f!reader

I saw a story similar to this a while ago, sadly i don´t remember where. But it was with a lovely chubby reader. It didn´t leave my mind...so here we are.

The Wind was starting to turn colder during this time of the year. You pull the scarf tighter around your neck and shoulders, eyes wandering around the tournament field. Your sister next to you was getting impatient, for the n time she put her blonde hair behind her ear while sighing.

You were not so happy yourself, not being a Fan of the useless violence of a knight Festival, where there were always injuries' in the end. But your father wanted you here, you were now of marriageable age and needed a suitor.... a sigh now escaping you. Looking towards your younger sister you can not help but compare yourself again, just like everyone else always does. She is absolut beautiful with her blonde hair, her dainty nose and slim frame. Compared to her you are just....bigger, not fragile, duller. And she knew it, too. Men always looking her way, the knights seeing her first of the two of you. You didn't hate her, couldn't resent her for it. It is what god gave her....

The Sound of the trumpet signaled the Start of the Riding Tournament, the knights preparing their lances, that is where you first see them. Four knights who appear to be a sworn unit. They stand out among the others, their armor not as shiny, more worn down but not less impressive. Quite the opposite, they give the impression of a knight who experienced Real battle and bloodshed. You shudder when you take a closer look at them, they are....surprising handsome, even the one who is only showing his eyes under the Helmet, his aura being enough to impress. Your sister is the one who brings you out of your trance, you didn´t even realize you were staring.

"Look at them, i hope this time i will be able to give one of them my handkerchief" she was leaning so close in her excitement that she didn't saw the hurt flash in your eyes. You had to admit that you were smitten by them, like a fool you had, for just a moment, had hoped they would look in your direction, too. You were aware of how pathetic your own thoughts of self hate were, but that didn't stop them.

The signal of the trumpet was heard again and some of the knights who would be fighting in this game rode forward towards the audience, all searching for a lady to receive their handkerchief, a symbol of luck and a show of fondness for one another. You just stared ahead, never had a knight come for you, maybe your sister would gain another suitor today. The more your surprise when in front of you the end of a lance tapped against the wooden plank in front of you...…

[starrihan]

Happy New Year, Kiss Me - New Years with Enhypen

-> Pairing: Enhypen x afab! Reader

-> Plot: how you would spend New Year's with the Enhypen members

-> Genre: fluff, Heeseung's is slightly suggestive, Jake's is very suggestive

-> Warnings: drinking, use of nicknames (love, darling, sweetie, baby), hyung line scenario's take place at Jay's new year's party

-> Word Count: 3,143, each one got progressively longer as i continued writing (350-500 words each)

-> Notes: Happy New Year! I hope you all enjoy reading these as much as I enjoyed writing them! Hope you all have a wonderful new year and lets hope 2025 goes better than this year did (for me at least) 🤧

༄ ༄ ༄

Heeseung: 

The New Year’s party was something you had been looking forward to. After all the anticipation of Christmas had passed, you were ready to welcome the new year with open arms. You made your way to Jay’s house. He hosted the New Year’s party every year, always making it better each time. 

You arrived at the party shortly after it began, fixing your hair in the car before knocking on the door. 

“Hey guys! Y/N’s here!”

Jay says, opening the door and giving you a hug as you walk in. You make your way to the kitchen, where you find Sunghoon and Jake. 

“Hey Y/N! You look amazing!” 

Sunghoon says, pouring you a glass of champagne. 

“Thank you! You both look really handsome as well!” 

You sip at your drink, making your way around and greeting everyone you knew until you finally found the boy you were looking for.

“Heeseung! Finally!” 

You walk up to the tall, brown haired man who was talking with a couple of his other friends. 

“Y/N! It’s so good to see you! I’m sorry I was a bit distracted! You look really good!”

He says, pulling you in for a hug. You just chuckle and tell him it’s alright, joining the conversation and laughing amongst the group. 

As the time approaches 12 a.m, you look around, watching everyone break away into pairs, presumably with the person they plan on kissing. You realize that the only other guy without a partner is Heeseung. He looks down at you and smiles, 

“Guess you’re my New Year’s kiss, Y/N,”

You smile up at him, nodding as you watch the big flat screen tv countdown. 

60 seconds…

30 seconds…

10 seconds…

3…

2…

1…

“Happy New Year’s!”

The whole house erupts as everyone looks to their partner, sharing a quick kiss. You look up at Heeseung who is already leaning in, closing your eyes as your lips meet. The kiss doesn’t last for long, but you can feel yourself relaxing into his touch, hands holding his face as he pulls away and flashes you a smirk. 

“Your lips are so soft, we should do this again sometime,” 

You laugh as you playfully hit his chest at his flirty tone, but not before giving him a flirty reply back,

“Let’s see where the end of the night takes us~”

༄ ༄ ༄

Jay:

You woke up in the morning to help your boyfriend, Jay, prepare for the party that was being thrown in your shared home. It was your job to decorate while he got drinks and snacks. 

You spent the morning taping up streamers and making sure the centerpieces looked right. You had provided little hats and glasses that say 2025 on them, loving little corny accessories. 

As the day progressed, you got yourself ready for the party. After showering, you got started on your makeup, waiting for your hair to dry. After finishing that, you fixed your hair before slipping on a silver sequin dress, one that you knew Jay would not be able to keep his eyes off of. You had decided to keep your outfit a surprise, wanting to see his reaction to you wearing it for the first time before the party started. 

“Wow, you look absolutely stunning,”

He says, awestruck, taking your hand and having you do a little twirl. 

“I’m glad you like it! I’ve been dying to show you!” 

You say, embracing him and pecking his lips.

“C’mon, the guests will be here soon!” 

You say, making your way downstairs to greet the first round of guests. 

“Y/N! Jay! You guys look beautiful!” 

Jake exclaims, walking in with his girlfriend, a big smile plastered on his face. 

“You guys really out did yourself this year!” 

He makes his way to the kitchen, pouring him and his girlfriend some drinks. 

You enjoy your night talking to your friends and Jay, relishing in the compliments you were getting at the successful party you managed to throw, yet again. 

“1 minute till midnight!” 

Jay yells, grabbing everyone’s attention for the New Year’s tradition. As the countdown reaches 1, you look to Jay who's already looking at you. 

“Happy New Year my love~”

“Happy New Year Jay!”

You both say to each other, leaning in for a passionate kiss, one that lasted longer than most people’s. You smiled at him, taking in the feeling of being together for another new year.

“We’re really good at this”

“Yes we are”

༄ ༄ ༄

Jake:

You looked at yourself in the mirror, fixing your hair and making sure your makeup was on point, matching the style and color of your black and silver dress. 

“My baby, looking stunning as always,” 

Jake says, leaning on the door frame. 

“Almost makes me wanna keep you here all night…”

He walks behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder, giving your cheek a quick peck. 

“Do we have to go? You look too good…”

He whines, hands traveling up and down your sides now, trying to entice you to stay. You laugh as you put your hands over his, stopping his movements.

“Jake, it’s your best friends party, we have to go! Besides, if you behave, I’ll show you what’s under this dress,”

You say back to him, staring into his eyes through the mirror. He buries his face in your neck, smirking as he trails kisses up towards your ear. 

“I guess we can go then. What’s a few hours anyways when we’ll be up all night?” 

“Let’s go you horn ball,”

You say, grabbing the car keys on your way out. You walk up to the door and knock, Jake right next to you as you’re greeted by Jay and his girlfriend. You head to the kitchen, talking with Jake’s friends as he pours you and himself a drink. 

You find yourself pretty tipsy but the time midnight rolls around, finding ways to tease Jake due to your own pent-up state. 

“Weren’t you the one who told me to behave before we left?”

He quirks an eyebrow at you, finding your wondering hands amusing. 

“You gave me too much to drink… you know how I get when I’m tipsy”

You say, cheeks flushed and vision slightly blurry, staring at Jake as he holds your hand, gesturing to the tv. 

“Only 5 more minutes, yeah? Then we can head home and I can give you what you’re so desperately needing,”

Voice dripping with honey as he whispers seductively in your ear, your need for him increasing with every passing minute. The countdown begins, you’re so eager, staring at Jake and almost kissing him before midnight. He laughs and holds you off, waiting till the last second.

“Happy New Year’s baby, now come here”

You don’t even say it back, smashing your lips onto his in a hungry kiss.

“Beautiful, happy New Years! Can we go home now?”

He laughs and nods, letting himself be dragged out the door while shouting his goodbyes to all his friends. 

“Let’s see what you have on under that dress,”

(whenever i read/ write stuff about Jake that has him saying shit like this I always picture this emoji 😛)

༄ ༄ ༄

Sunghoon:

Sunghoon is a very punctual person. So he was rightfully annoyed when you were taking your sweet time getting ready, thus making you guys 15 minutes late to Jay’s New Year’s party. 

“I’m sorry! My hair wasn’t working with me and I couldn’t get my eyeliner right!”

You say, scrambling into the car as quickly as your heels would allow you to. He just sighed and started driving,

“You had more than enough time to get ready.” 

He said sternly. You sighed back in response. You couldn’t argue with him, he was right. You did have many hours to get ready, and you still somehow managed to be late.

“You’re right Hoon, I’m sorry.”

He could sense how apologetic you were, resting his hand on your thigh and giving it a little squeeze. 

“It’s alright sweetheart. It’s only Jay, he won’t care. Plus, we can be fashionably late now. You do look gorgeous.”

He says, and you smile, feeling at ease as you pull up to the party. 

“Please don’t let me drink tonight, I still haven’t recovered from the Christmas party,” 

You say, stepping out of the car and walking up to the front door, hand in hand with Sunghoon. 

“Don’t beg me to give you one when you get bored then.”

You walk into the house, immediately greeted by Jay and Sunghoon’s other friends. You all congregate in the living room, laughing and exchanging stories as if you hadn’t seen these people just 5 days ago. 

“Jay you always make the best drinks but I can’t have any today. I don’t want a repeat of the Christmas party…” 

You laugh sheepishly, recalling the light-headed state you were in that had Sunghoon worried sick that you were going to throw up. You go to the kitchen to grab a snack and Sunghoon follows you in, back-hugging you as you pop a couple of candies into your mouth. 

“Can I have one?”

You laugh as you place a candy in his already open mouth, following it up with a quick kiss. 

“Hey! Save the kisses for the new year!” 

He says playfully to which you roll your eyes, heading back to the living room. You watch as everyone yells in excitement, getting ready to kiss their partners as the timer hits 10 seconds. You all count down with it, shouting “happy new year!,” before looking at Sunghoon, smiling before planting a loving kiss on his lips. 

“Happy new year, my love. I can’t wait to spend another year with you.”

You say, arms around his neck still, his hands squeezing at your waist.

“Happy new years baby, I love you.”

༄ ༄ ༄

Sunoo:

You had decided to spend new years with Sunoo's family this year. You spent last year with your family, so you only thought it would be fair to have this year with his family. 

“Sunoo, baby? Are you almost ready? Your family is waiting for us!” 

You said, hurriedly grabbing your belongings. They had invited you to spend the weekend with them after new years, so you had to make sure you had everything you’d need packed. 

“Yes I’m almost done! And why are you packing? You have everything you need at my house?”

You stare at the little bag you have, only a couple makeup products and new skincare items in there. You were so nervous, you forgot that you basically live there too.

“You’re right. I’m sorry I’m just nervous. We’ve spent a lot of time with your parents but I’ve never met your entire family before.” 

You look at him and sulk, fidgeting your fingers and looking down at your pathetic bag. He walks over to you, holding your hands in his. 

“It’s okay sweetie, they’re gonna love you. And even if they don’t, who cares? I love you.” 

You smile as he places a chaste kiss to your forehead. 

“Let’s go, I’m ready.” 

You nod as you make your way to the car, grabbing the little bag of stuff anyways. 

Upon arriving at Sunoo’s parents house, you sigh as you mentally prepare yourself. You knock on the door and are immediately greeted by Sunoo’s mom who pulls you in for a big hug. 

“Y/N, my darling! I’ve missed you so much! Come in!”

You smile as you feel more at ease. You slip off your shoes as Sunoo greets his mom. You look around to see that mostly everyone is distracted, having conversations amongst their own little groups. 

Sunoo takes you around, introducing you to every one of his family members. You slowly warm up to everyone, being able to make conversation on your own and even being invited out by his other family members for future events. 

As the day passes by, you realize that there’s only a couple minutes left until the new year begins. You start to feel a little shy, the idea of kissing Sunoo while all his family is present is a little bit anxiety-inducing. He can sense your unease, calmly gripping onto your shoulders and pulling you close. 

“I can see that you’re still nervous baby, but it’s okay. They’re all gonna see us kiss on our wedding day anyways, right?” 

You smile and nod, blushing as you wrap your arms around him and bury your face in his neck. The countdown begins and you two join in, staring into each others eyes at the final ‘3, 2, 1,’ before gently leaning in, sharing a short but sweet kiss. 

“Happy New Year Y/N. I’m so lucky to have spent another year with you,” 

He says, leaning his forehead on yours. 

“Happy New Year Sunoo. I’m even luckier~”

༄ ༄ ༄

Jungwon: 

This was the first New Year’s that you would be spending with Jungwon. You had decided to just spend it together at your apartment. You had been invited to a couple of New Year’s parties but you wanted your first one with Jungwon to be special and a little more intimate, without the social pressures of dressing up and making conversation with people you barely know. 

You had decorated a little bit, wanting it to feel a little bit more celebratory than just another night in. You kept it simple though, a couple streamers and silly little party hats to take pictures in. You finish setting up the table with some snacks when you hear a knock on your door, running faster than you’d care to admit to open it. 

“Jungwon!!!” 

You yelled, jumping into his arms for a hug.

“I’m really excited to see you too baby but can we go inside? It’s cold out here…” 

He says as he laughs, entering the warm apartment. He’s welcomed with the familiar scent of your home, sighing as he places his bag down and gives you a proper hug. 

“I missed you baby. I’m so glad we’re spending new years here, together, instead of at some lame party.” 

“Don’t let Jay find out that you called his party lame otherwise he might lecture you on the difficulties of being a good host.”

You both laugh as you break away from each other, Jungwon walking to your living room while you walk to the kitchen. You grab the bottle of champagne you had bought, walking out with it and two champagne glasses in your hands. 

“Even though we’re not at a party, a little champagne is always fitting for the occasion!”

You say as you set the glasses on the table, Jungwon helping you with the bottle.

“Ooh! Can I pop the bottle?” 

You nod as you sit back, letting him pop the top off and laughing when you see a bit of smoke coming out of it. 

“I thought it was gonna spray everywhere,”

 he says, disappointed. 

“I’m glad it didn’t.”

You spend the time sipping away at the champagne and watching trashy reality tv shows, cuddling up under a blanket. You’re so immersed in your activity that you almost miss the clock flashing to 11:59 pm. 

You tap Jungwon and put your glass down, turning to him in excitement.

“1 more minute!!!”

You guys both giggle as you start a mini countdown to each other. 

“3!”

“2!”

“1!”

“Happy New Year!!”

You both yell to each other before leaning in for a kiss. You let it last for a while, not having to worry about the duration of the kiss. 

“I’m glad we decided to spend our first new years like this. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to celebrate.” 

He says, cat-like eyes disappearing in a big smile that engulfs his face. 

“You took the words right out of my mouth.”

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Niki:

You and Niki hadn’t been together long. You guys met about 8 months ago, but only start dating 2 months ago, so everything romantic still felt pretty new to you both. When you had gotten the news that you’d be going to a New Year’s party that Niki’s friends were throwing, you were very excited yet nervous, to say the least. You’d met his friends before, but never all together at once. 

You were getting ready at your house, opting to start early since Niki would be coming to pick you up. You looked in the mirror as you finished doing your hair, making sure everything looks right. You hear your phone go off besides you:

“Hey darling, I’m outside.”

You read Niki’s message and smile, grabbing your purse before making your way to his car. You find him standing by your door, having already opened it for you. 

“You look gorgeous m’lady,” 

He says, smiling as you laugh as his playfully formal demeanor. 

“You’re looking quite dashing yourself, good sir,” 

You say as you walk into the car. He closes the door for you and you make your way to the party that was at Jake’s house. 

“You look really beautiful. I can’t wait to spend this new year with you.”

You blush and look away, fingers playing with the hand that he kept on your thigh. 

“You're too cute Niki. Thank you. You look really good too! The suit suits you,”

You laugh at your own joke before arriving at Jake’s house. You walk out of the car and head up to the front door, Niki following behind you. Without even knocking on the door, the door flies open revealing an excited Jake. 

“Y/N!! You’re here!” 

He says, dragging you inside. 

“Hey, what about me?” 

Niki sulks as he walks in, jokingly bitter about not being greeted by Jake. 

“I’m glad you guys could come! Thank you Y/N for coming out here tonight. We were all so excited to have you!”

You smile at Jake’s sweet words, leaning your head on Niki’s shoulder as you all engage in conversation. 

The night goes smoothly, playing games while the adults drink champagne and you and Niki stick to drinking cider. 

“Get ready guys, 5 minutes till midnight!”

Heeseung says, going over to his girlfriend. All the boys go to their significant others, waiting for the countdown to begin. You stay next to Niki, anticipating the countdown. You guys had kissed before, but with you both being so busy and still new to the relationship, you weren’t used to it yet. 

The countdown begins, everyone getting excited and yelling as the numbers go down. 

You look up at Niki, who is smiling down as the final 3 seconds pass, leaning down to capture your lips in a sweet kiss. 

“Happy New Year darling.”

“Happy New Year Niki~” 

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