#that one meme where some lady is being offered too much cake

[devil-doll13]

Tell Jas not to impulsively make an aesthetic blog

[ragesin]

[largely from here] ❝ —it's not some huge secret, or anything; like, I'm not ashamed of being what i am... it’s just not something i usually talk about,  because it’s not something most people can understand. ❞ she muses, while using a tiny flourish of magic to sweep ingredients back onto their shelves, (repairing a few along the way which had been damaged in the scuffle), ❝ You get that, right?... and anyways: i don’t really need to be understood.  i just want to be accepted. ❞

► MISC MEMES

         Emerald eyes peered over the bridge of folded arms, cursory glances thrown to surroundings as it's steadily rearranged back in order and ingredients were neatly packed away. The knight hadn't cleanly escaped the smattering of chaos sprung onto the store either. A generous dusting of sugar powdered much of blond locks, white blending in with the fabric of his long coat. The perpetrators of said scuffle he came across had already been shown the exit. The solid kicks in the ass graciously handed out by his boot spoke clearly:  good riddance.

         Though, they must have said something to the owner. Enough for it to stick, and enough for it to prompt this airing of thoughts after Meliodas' innocuous observation — ❛ seems like you got a lot going on, lady ❜. Or maybe the demon had that kind of face, the type that's disarmingly open  ( quite contrary to reality )  where people felt the need to freely pour their heart out to him with relative ease. A part of him within heaved a mirthless / amused scoff at that last one, dismissing the stray musing out of hand.

         Relaxed position shifted, chin now resting atop his forearms. A puff of air sent a dusty cloud of particles into the air. Soon, his sight wandered again, drawn to the owner herself.  

         Layers sat underneath the statements, applicable to people like him  ( with a thing to bury, so that no eyes may rest upon it beyond the passing of a inattentive gaze )  but he held an idle stance, unsure if he wanted to even step forward and try navigating the complexities sitting between the lines waiting to trip up careless passersby. Something like apprehension invaded the tongue, bitter and bitingly sharp in contrast to the scent of scattered confectioneries that might otherwise make his mouth water.

         ❝ ...Well now, that's part of what living's about, is it not ?  Looking out for the few people that will accept you, no questions asked. ❞  Experience coloured response, affable words twisted into something stuck between wry and cheer. ❝ Though that is like finding a gold needle in a haystack. You'd have your work cut out for you. ❞

         Assumedly, the desire of said acceptance involved her heritage. If the locales' mix of rumours and testimonies sworn up and down the river about the fairy running the residential bakery weren't somehow sufficient, keen senses determined inhumane nature the moment he stepped near the establishment's threshold. ( word of mouth like that probably did wonders for business. it got him out here, didn't it ? ) Naturally, the obvious shimmer of luminescent wings appeared to be lacking, likely underneath the veil of magic. However, fae always carried a floral scent. It served as one of the indicators of fairies, a subtle tell typically less thoroughly hidden.

         While traces of empathy stirred within, ultimately none of this had anything to do with him. After all, what he was in the kingdom's eyes was a criminal shackled to the guilt of past crimes, and he's content with leaving it at that. The only personal insight he's willing to offer would have to stem from that surface image alone, whether she was aware of it or not.

        He allowed his head to fall slightly to the right with an airy laugh, adding on a cheeky afterthought:  ❝ Well, not everyone can have their cake and eat it too. But hey. I bet your baking skills go a long way for that goal already. Tons of people would hate to admit it, but they can be won over through their stomachs. Be the best and they won't have any leg to stand on. ❞

@mielmoto

[cynicalrainbows]

Six Au- GBBO

Catalina Trastamara

Catalina is the divorced single mother who is very committed to her church: prior to going on the show, she just does these amazing bakes for post-mass coffee mornings and everyone just takes them for granted (like, they’re lovely but Catalina always makes such lovely cakes so they’re used to it). 

Her bakes somehow always manage to include goldleaf and are just somehow....very regal looking. Made with absolute precision. Also has a real fondness for using oranges: orange essence, orange flavouring, candied peel, whatever.

She’s also the reason the BBC now precludes every episode of bakeoff with a reminder that this is NOT a voting show, simply because phonelines got very tied up with the same crowd of VERY persistent but also VERY confused elderly Catholic grandmothers wanting to know how to vote for Catalina. (It doesn’t help. They keep calling anyway, ‘just in case the rules have changed for this episode!’) 

Basically her church loves her a lot- and she loves them all too. SAYING THAT anyone who makes the mistake of thinking Catalina is just some boring church lady is VERY much mistaken: she’s incredibly well educated and knows a LOT about.....well, most things. 

She just doesn’t talk about it a lot and when she does bring up a thing she knows, she’s so nice about it that people tend to overlook the fact that actually what she’s telling them is some really niche bit of impressive knowledge that could only be obtained by years of study because while she’s telling them, she’s also offering them a piece of shortbread and.....well, her shortbread is really GOOD so they stopped paying so much attention to what she had to say about the impact of Herman of Richenau. 

Things do go badly for her though when some fans of the show do a little snooping over social media: Catalina has mentioned her daughter in passing in the show before (and it’s obvious that she absolutely ADORES her) so people just assume, you know, that every night after the show she’s going home to seventeen year old Mary.

 It does make them wonder though why Catalina dedicates EVERY bake to her daughter and once actually looked teary eyed when she said it- but they just assume she’s a bit overly emotional and people make jokes on twitter about how Mums just be like that sometimes. THEN one awful day someone finds Mary’s social media accounts (which are very definitely NOT set to private) and.....yeeesh. Turns out that Catalina’s darling girl, who is so bright and so pretty and so talented (according to Catalina) is actually a pretty hardcore radicalised right-winger. 

Lots of posts about the threat of Islam to democracy. TERF rhetoric. Anti-immigration memes. Imaginative posts about how people should react to BLM protestors pulling down statues. It becomes a whole Thing, it goes viral- and then people do some MORE snooping and it turns out that Mary’s page is weirdly absent of any posts about her mother, bar a few passive aggressive statuses on Mothers Day. Her father is mentioned a bit (and some woman who looks to be Mary’s new stepmother), but Catalina? Never. 

And after some probing, it finally comes to light that actually? Catalina hasn’t seen Mary since she was fourteen. That her parents divorced, that Henry, her ex, gained primary custody because he was better able to provide for her child (easy to do when you’re the breadwinner with a well paying job that you’re able to do because your ex wife wasted her life being a SAHM to support you, while she is left destitute since you both signed a pre-nup, which you convinced her to do with the argument that it was ‘just to keep your parents happy’ and that since they OBVIOUSLY would never divorce because of the whole Catholic thing, why not?) That since then Mary has been alienated from her mother and has taken on pretty much her fathers entire rhetoric and refuses to be in contact with Catalina at all. 

And Catalina misses her painfully but also....well, she can’t bear the idea of forcing her baby girl into something because she loves her so and she just lives in hope that one day, her daughter will come back to her. But by GOD it’s painful for her.

Catalina gets a fair bit of criticism- from people arguing that she has no right to be upset over Henry getting custody, to people saying she’s at fault for marrying him in the first place. What really hurts is people who argue that since she loves Mary still, she must be endorsing her beliefs. It’s not true, but trolls gonna troll. 

People close to Catalina ask why she doesn’t mention the money she gives monthly to the very charitable causes that mary despises, or the volunteer hours Catalina has put in with the same organisations....and Catalina is shocked that they think she’d cheapen her own private penance like that, by putting it on the internet. No. It’s a thing she does for herself, not for the critics. She refuses to discuss it further. 

After this, anyone looking for some ‘controversial’ content knows that all they need to do is ask contestants where they stand on the ‘Catalina issue’, and while some contestants are more than happy to rabbit on about how they think Catalina should have been disqualified or how she clearly didn’t raise Mary right, the other queens at least have her back.

[bluelovesstufff]

Favorite Bagginshield Fics I’ve Read/Currently Reading (in no particular order) Part 2/?:

It’s been a little over 6 months since I gushed Bagginshield fic rec and I decided a few weeks ago while reading my pile of bookmarks on AO3 that I need to post a new one. I have 33 fics below out of the 9,085 fics on Bagginshield’s AO3, so I’d recommend taking a look there as well for those I’ve missed. As always, buckle in boys. 

Part 1 Ask

^^ rating descends from G to E this time for organizational purposes! also, a lot of these are all complete because I have no patience and have to read an entire 100k fic in one sitting like a maniac.

** (to reiterate) are extra, extra favorites, but these are all absolutely incredible fics worth every second of your time.

Call You Home by northerntrash - 12k, rating: not rated, complete, hobbit culture, everyone lives nobody dies au, it’s all fluff folks, Thorin’s making puppy-eyes at the Burglar again, hobbits have a secret language (sign me up!)

Summary: In which the Company are entirely too nosy about matters that are supposed to be a secret, and Bilbo learns that being concerned about propriety is overrated when you could be making friends instead.

** Wasteful by northerntrash - 6k, rating: not rated, modern au, coffee shop au (squeeee), in which awkwardly staring does not make for good flirting, and you should probably just tell people when you are interested in them, fluff, author writes modern Thorin so goddamn well!

Summary: Bilbo just didn't understand; why would anyone come in every day, order cake, and then not eat it?

** Customary by an_odd_ducky - 3k, rating: G, fluff, hobbits rub noses as a greeting!, thorin is jealous!, Fili and Kili insist on learning!

Summary: Hobbits rub noses to greet each other - a fact the dwarves don't know until they arrive in Rivendell and Elrond greets a surprised Bilbo by rubbing their noses together. Some of the company find it quite amusing, but Thorin is less than pleased. Fluff! Fill for the Hobbit Kink Meme.

** Para Bellum by RyuzzaKochou - 4k, rating: G, complete, basically hobbits are secret kung fu masters, company bonding, humor.

Summary: Hobbits always survive; even where trained and experienced soldiers don't. Has no one ever wondered about this? Thorin and the Company learn that it takes more than luck to be small in a big world. OR - Bilbo has unexpected skills and Thorin finds he likes them.

Silly Trinkets by The Feels Whale (miscellea) - 16k, rating: G, complete, fem!Bilbo, Thorin has no game, lies of omission, part of a two part series.

Summary: There are no words adequate to describe the Last Homely House or the wonders of Lord Elrond’s hospitality, which seems impossible to strain even under the burden of thirteen empty dwarfish stomachs and their even more trying attitudes.

Having played hostess to those same stomachs in her time, Briar is duly impressed and endeavors to add to the burden as little as possible. This is made somewhat more difficult by the fact that elves, apparently, are better able to differentiate between hobbit gentlemen and hobbit ladies that dwarves seem to be. A fact Briar learned when Lord Elrond pulled her to one side after their meal and put her into the hands of his daughter and her women with a gentle smile.

Briar feels that she probably owes him a swift kick in the shins for that.

You Got Me by drunkonwriting - 19k, rating: G, complete, dwarf culture & customs, everyone loves Bilbo and gives him shit, fluff, everybody lives nobody dies au.

Summary: The Company shows their affection for Bilbo in accordance with dwarvish tradition. Bilbo... has no idea why everyone keeps giving him gifts.

Comes Around Again by scarletjedi - 205k, rating: T, complete, a fandom favorite obviously, Gimli and Legolas are the main pairing, lovely art!, time travel fix-it, established relationship.

Summary: Gimli closes his eyes, an old Dwarf on the brink of death in the home he had built with his husband in the Undying Lands, and opens them again as a young Dwarf in his childhood home in Ered Luin. He's returned to the tumultuous week before The Company set out to recruit their Burglar from his cosy hobbit hole. Gimli, once again a impetuous teen in the eyes of his family, must get into that Company--the lives of his loved ones, and the very fate of Middle Earth--depends on it.

** A Dragon’s Tale by vtforpedro - 132k, rating: T, complete, canon divergence au, dragon Bilbo, timeline? what timeline?, Bilbo is so Done (same), Thorin is an Idiot, emotionally constipated Thorin (my favorite, jk), everyone is dramatic, lore? what lore?, minor character death, minor war violence, minor ring influence.

Summary: Bilbo Baggins has been a hobbit for many long years and he should very much like to keep it that way, thank you very much.

An old friend drops by Bag End with the offer of an adventure and despite Bilbo's refusal, the idea of only thirteen dwarves and a wizard facing a dragon may just convince him yet. After all, he has experience with the Great Dragons of the North. Once upon a time, he was one.

An Eye For Quality by Linelen (Linelenagain) - 85k, rating: T, complete, fem!Bilbo, au canon divergence, wonky timeline, family by choice, crazy courtship rituals (we love a good courtship).

Summary: Fíli lived his life by an old dwarven proverb: when a fool drops a treasure, a wise man picks it up (it sounded better in the original khuzdul).Bella Baggins never quite fit in the Shire. Perhaps she was made for the mountains, instead.

** A Shot in the Dark by Silver_pup - 213k, rating: T: complete, I read anything this author writes basically, time travel (I love this trope), fix-it fic, au, bamf!Bilbo, bamf!Dwarves, Bilbo is determined to save everyone, friends to lovers, eventual happy ending.

Summary:  When he opens his eyes again, he finds himself in his old bed in his old home in his old body. Is this death? Or a trick of magic? Either way, Bilbo recognizes a second chance when he sees one, and this time his adventure with Thorin is going to go a bit differently.

** Flowers and Ice by BlackSmile - 54k, rating: T, complete, fem!Bilbo, frozen au (she has gloves, I repeat, Bella has to conceal don’t feel), some angst, author blames tumblr, no ring au.

Summary: Thorin wasn't really impressed with the idea to hire a burglar for their quest. He was even less impressed when he found out this burglar was a Hobbit. And all his hopes were lost when he found out their burglar was a woman. But still he can't help himself but to feel a bit attracted to this damned sweet Hobbit. Just why does she have to be so stubborn? And why does she wear gloves all the time anyway?

** Flowers of Yavanna by SOABA - 22k, rating: T, complete, overprotective dwarves, dwobbits!, fem!Bilbo, post BotFA, magic, families of choice, assassination attempts, Bilbo remains in Erebor au, cabbage patch hobbits (yesss)

Summary: Because the belief that Hobbits grew their babies in a cabbage patch had to come from somewhere.“What’s on your wrist, Bella?” Tauriel asked from her place at the dining table when Bél walked past her, nodding toward Bella’s right side.

Bella frowned and looked down at her right hand and then her mouth fell open in shock. Printed on the inside of her wrist, directly underneath her palm, plain as daylight, was a circlet of lily-shaped blossoms connected by an emerald green vine.

lay down your sweet and weary head by Elenothar - 125k, rating: T, complete, very slow burn, more pining pre-slash actually, time travel (again, a gift to this fandom because BotFA broke all of us), fix it yet not really fix-it it’s complicated, durin family, thorin-centric.

Summary: Thorin dies. Thorin wakes up. He is understandably confused by this, especially since he appears to be in the Erebor he knew as a young dwarf, about to be attacked by a dragon.A time-travel fic with Thorin as the one living his life twice.

The Nine Lives of Bilbo Baggins by captain (theoddoodisnude) - 15k, rating: T, complete, community: hobbit_kink, AU (sort of), multiple temporary character deaths, slightly gory, descriptions of death and dying, THERE’S A HAPPY ENDING FOLKS.

Summary: He's not scared, but rather resigned. He doesn't want to die, not when he knows that it will be permanent, but he doesn't regret his actions. He's died many times on this journey; first for his Company, and then for people he could proudly call friends, who then turned into family.

And now Bilbo will die for them again.

For the first time in his life, he will also die for love.

Nugel (Flower of all Flowers) by aquileaofthelonelymountain - 2k, rating: T, complete, post BotFA, everybody lives nobody dies au, fluff, flower language.

Summary: Recently, Bilbo seems distracted, even unhappy. But what Thorin interprets as homesickness is something different. And although Bilbo knows very well why he feels so strangely out of place, he lacks the courage to tell Thorin. It's only good that even dwarves know a thing or two about flowers...

** A Passion for Mushrooms by Chrononautical - 90k, rating: T, complete, all the dwarves, dwarf culture and customs, cultural differences, gift giving, language of flowers, flower crowns, everyone lives nobody dies au, Bilbo remains in Erebor au, slow burn, need I say more folks?

Summary: There are many trials for a hobbit attempting to make a life among dwarves. A hobbit wants a garden. A hobbit wants to eat regular meals. A hobbit wants friends, good books, and comfortable chairs. Bilbo does his best to carve out a little hobbit life for himself in the mountain. If only there were not one final obstacle. For a hobbit heart wants love, and among dwarves that is a sticky subject.

"Hobbits have a passion for mushrooms, surpassing even the greediest likings of Big People." - The Fellowship of the Ring, J.R.R. Tolkien

** Plaits and Weaves by ArgentAconit - 53k, rating: T, complete, braids, hobbit culture, dwarf culture, fluff, listen Bilbo goes through most of the company and gives them each Hobbit worthy braids (??? that’s fucking adorable bro), grooming, cultural differences, Thorin is jealous (big surprise), sort of a fix it.

Summary: Bilbo misses home, he misses his armchair and his books, but right now he misses his kitchen the most. If only he had something to keep his hands busy, he wouldn't so dearly wish he could turn back and delay their quest even more.

Fili is the first to take notice how restless he is, and quickly comes up with a solution. Bilbo, of course, doesn't seem to understand what he is being asked and how it would affect the company over the course of their journey. Or how it would affect one Thorin Oakenshield.

Raven: An Unexpected Adventure by Aerlinniel722 - 165k, rating: T, 32/? chapters completed, fem!Bilbo, everyone lives nobody dies au, post BotFA, overprotective dwarves, family feels, there’s a MINI, female dwobbit Thorin and you expect me not to read it, as if, Bilba really struggles in this one folks.

Summary: After the Battle of Five Armies, Bilba Baggins fled Erebor and her new King in disgrace with a secret. Fifteen years later, when Dís swears she sees a hobbit who looked like her brother… well, perhaps a certain burglar isn't as dead as it was initially assumed.

** Recovery, Redemption, and Romance by Moonbeam - 118k, rating: T, complete, Bilbo is a surprise healer, injured Thorin, rebuilding Erebor, Bilbo is awesome, Thorin is smitten, Dwarves are amused and sneaky, gifts and courting, slow build. everyone lives nobody dies au, developing relationship.

Summary: When Thorin is injured in the Battle of the Five Armies, Bilbo surprises everyone with his healing abilities.

Then as Erebor starts to rebuild he continues to surprise people with his knowledge and skills. On top of everything else that is occurring there is a dwarf king and a hobbit who might be trying to court one another without the other knowing - while their companions are either helpful or confusingly gleeful.

An Unexpected Proposal by Earenial - 100k, rating: T, complete, romance, character study, oblivious!Bilbo, frustrated!Thorin, Kili is a flirt, Bilbo-centric, fic follows (most of) the canon events of the book ( = no hug on Carrock), slow Austen-type romance, slow burn.

Summary: As Bilbo sat smoking in his empty hobbit hole, he couldn’t help but wonder – when did his life become so boring? Or better yet – when did his old life stop being enough?

He suspected the answer to that question lay somewhere around the time when he had refused Thorin Oakenshield’s offer of marriage.

** Feathers that Flutter and Fly by orphan_account :( - 14k, rating: M, complete, wing!verse, Bilbo’s wings are beautiful and I’m in love with wing fics sue me.

Summary: The Shire is taken by Orcs, ravaged and destroyed but Bilbo, who is still very young, managed to escape. He runs, travelling through Middle Earth until he reaches Erebor, where Thorin finds him, cold and starving.

Good Morning by Luckyhai5 - 57k, rating: M, complete, fem!Bilbo, major character death warning, imprisonment, PTSD, it’s really a nice story I swear, it has a happy ending.

Summary: There was a strange, tall man walking up the path. Bilbo recognised him, of course; how could one forget that tall, grey silhouette now making its way up towards her? Gandalf.

AU. What if Bilbo had already left the Shire once before? What if she had seen things she could never forget, and lived through things she couldn't speak of? In this world, Bilbo has a secret, a secret waiting for her in Rivendell, a secret that has changed, and will change, everything...

A Home for my Heart by Moonrose91 - 54k, rating: M, complete, social isolation, character death, miscarriages, infant death, barrenness, body shaming, bullying, mention of mpreg, Erebor Never Fell au, smashing of timelines, canon what canon?, slow build.

Summary: For things Bilbo could not change, he was condemned to a life of isolation, with the belief that none could love him. And then a Dwarf came to Hobbiton.

** Hurricanes in Hertford, Hereford, and Hampshire by 61Below - 126k, rating: M, complete, fem!Bilbo, post BotFA, pregnancy!, language barriers!, cultural misunderstandings!, durin family feels, tbh if Dís is in it I’m in love, ALSO author pictured Bilbo as Margret Hale from North and South??? that’s beautiful.

Summary: Bilbo was banished. That's it, the end. She wants nothing more to do with dwarves. Now all she needs to do is get back home, but there may be some complications along the way.

** The Oak and The Ash by sunryder - 67k, rating: M, complete, timeline? what timeline?, au sentinels and guides, sentinel/guide bonding (I love this idea of sentinels and guides, it’s like soulmates but more intricate?? and better almost?? read it, it’s fantastic).

Summary: Bilbo Baggins was not a particularly talented Guide. He knew that. His family knew that. Every last Hobbit in the four Farthings and Bree knew that.

But that meant nothing when one morning an agony that wasn’t Bilbo’s ripped right through him, dropping him to his knees with a scream. Wrapped up in the pain there was a presence. Someone fierce and determined, nestling himself in the blank space in Bilbo’s mind for the barest of moments before he slipped away. It was like fingertips brushing across the outside fringe of his soul, and Bilbo wanted it back. Wanted him back.

And so help him, Bilbo was going to find him. His Sentinel.

Something Blue by Lapin - 34k, rating: M, complete, fake relationship (ayyyyyy) au canon divergence, politics, gardens & gardening.

Summary: Thorin marries Bilbo after the Battle of Five Armies, a marriage of convenience, not love. Slowly, they must come to make the best of it, Bilbo resolves. After all, he's a Hobbit. They make the best of things.

** An Expected Journey by MarieJacquelyn - 295k, rating: E, complete, time travel, sex and violence, fix it, eventual happy ending, temporary character death, BotFA fix it, everybody lives nobody dies.

Summary: “I just wish…”

“What do you wish?”

“I wish I could have changed it all.”

For years Bilbo has written about his adventures and told stories about his dealings with dwarves and dragons. To most it seemed like fanciful nonsense but to Bilbo it was all very real. A weight followed him home from his travels, one called regret. Now in his final moments Bilbo has a choice to make – go quietly into death’s embrace or go back again and face all the fear and pain for the chance to make things right?

Of course, change is a fickle thing and not everything can be done again as Bilbo is about to find out. In the end, it may not only be salvation that he’s fighting for.

** Durin’s League by hobbitgrl - 73k, rating: E, complete, superheroes/superpowers au, fem!Bilbo, angst, romance, all the dwarves all the things all the feelings.

Summary: When the mysterious Durin's League takes the national spotlight in the battle against the super-powered villains of the Smaug Corporation Bilbo Baggins doesn't think much of it. At least not until Thorin Oakenshield crashes through her living room wall and Gandalf tells her she's their only hope.

No Matter What We Breed by fideliant - 37k, rating: E, complete, alpha/beta/omega dynamics, omegaverse, alpha Thorin, omega Bilbo, courtship, cultural differences, love at first sight, implied mpreg, a lot of sex folks, angst, attempted rape/non-con, Gandalf is a mega troll.

Summary: In a world where omega males are slightly less rare than Arkenstones, Thorin doesn't do himself much of a favour by falling in love with the first gentlehobbit he lays eyes on. Much more is expected of virile alpha male dwarves, after all, even more so for kings, but when Bilbo is revealed to be the first omega male in centuries, Erebor is suddenly not the only prize that Thorin has set his sights on winning.

** Office Hours by lilithiumwords - 9k, rating: E, complete, takes place after What Happens in Gondor, modern au, college/university au, Kili is a literature student and Bilbo is his professor and Thorin is a jerk (not really), smut, Thorin might be deranged, (I love the ending to this, read it).

Summary: When Professor Bilbo Baggins sent Kíli Vinson's paper home with a bad grade, he never imagined that his relaxing office hours would be interrupted by Kíli's terribly rude uncle.Whom, incidentally, Bilbo had met before and knew rather, er, intimately.

** The Riven Crown by The_Kingmaker - 254k, rating: E, complete, friends to lovers, misunderstandings, mutual pining, middle earth politics,  everyone lives nobody dies au, hurt/comfort, nightmare, alternating POV, slow burn.

Summary: ‘We may have won the battle, but I fear the war with winter is just beginning.’

The aftermath of war is no laughing matter. Those who died must be honoured, those who are wounded must be healed, and those who remain need food and clothing, peace and sanctuary. With Thorin's life hanging in the balance, it is up to Bilbo and the rest of the Company to rule the rag-tag remnants of Erebor in his place.

Then there is the matter of the gold...

Can Bilbo save both king and kingdom, or is Erebor destined to fall deeper into ruin?

Safe and Distant by Lindzzz - 45k, rating: E, complete, slow burn, everyone lives nobody dies au (everyone knows but bilbo), thorn is an idiot, post BotFA, cultural miscommunication, 50k sequel!

Summary: "Bilbo never bothers denying that he is a slight, little bit, probably infatuated with Thorin. It’s not something that bothers him. Really. He’s pretty sure that everyone very likely has a little flutter in their chest for the dwarf. He’s something grand and unattainable.And it’s really much safer if it stays that way."

** What Happens in Gondor by lilithiumwords - 15k, rating: E, complete, modern au, smut, one night stand, REINCARNATION, anyone?, Gandalf is a troll, Thorin and Bilbo are beans, so much sex, prequel to a 3 part series.

Summary: The one night stand that Bilbo will always regret leaving behind.

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

National Boss Day [h.s.]

- part I -

“But Harry had really gotten hooked on her when he asked her about how she was under pressure and Y/N answered by comparing herself to the calm and collectiveness of a wolf hunting its prey. Her specific words were, ‘On all levels except physical, I am a wolf.’ and he immediately recognized where the quote was from. He’s not ashamed to say that he’s stayed up pretty late on work nights watching RIP Vine compilations.

To her comment, Harry then answered with a huge, goofy grin and a small, squeaky bark like the one in the video referenced and any nerve-derived ice between them immediately broke down.” 

or Y/N is Niall’s right-hand and Big Boss Styles claims to be the Gordon Ramsey of coffee cakes.

A/N: hello ladies and germs!! this is the long anticipated boss!harry fic that has been in the works for a bit and as i was reading through it, i realized how long it was and decided to break it down into parts so that you guys could at least get most of it as the rest gets finished up (and doing this will also push me to finish it faster bc i’ll have it out already). feedback is always welcome and thank you so much for your support! i love you all so much and i hope you enjoy the first installment! p.s.- im sorry if tumblr is wack and doesn’t put the “keep reading” but i promise i put one

rating: uhhh i’d say pg-13 bc there’s no smut but there’s mentions of Mature Content™ eskeet

word count: about 2.6k

masterlist : ask

///

Working as a secretary for a member of a company’s board has it perks, Y/N could say. 

She’s a key part in the business since she has to deal with organizing the corporation’s system, handling the dozens of phone calls that the business gets, keeping the big people on track with their schedules, doing interviews on behalf of the company, visiting schools and colleges and career fairs to inform the public of how their business works, helping plan, set up, and execute professional events and banquets— the list goes on. It’s not an easy job, but it’s one with a purpose and when it comes to a career, purpose is everything. It has just the right amount of responsibilities to give her work meaning, but it’s not too overwhelming to the point where she can’t handle it. It’s what she likes to refer to as a healthy challenge. 

The job’s perks elevate even higher since Y/N’s employer also happens to be one of her closest friends. Thanks to Niall, days at the office aren’t a complete and total bore. He cares about her, therefore he doesn't’ treat her like shit, which some (most) bosses tend to do. Alongside that, he makes working fun thanks to his witty, happy-go-lucky sense of humor and his knack for telling her all the dirty gossip circulating around the business’s higher powers (to which they like to refer to as King Styles’ Round Table).

But with every job, just as there are ups, there are bound to be downs. That down happens to be a six-foot British curly-haired brunette, who likes to flaunt sheer dress shirts that show off his plethora of enticing tattoos along with his lean arms, who wears tight slacks that expose his beautifully thick thighs perfectly, who sports expensive custom-made Gucci loafers, and who trails the sweet yet tangy scent of Tom Ford all around the office building.

The thing about downs is that most downs can be surpassed, but it’s a little hard to best this one when he runs the fucking company.

It’s even harder because Y/N sees Harry quite often since she is the one who’s always delivering Niall’s paperwork and business files, sometimes even attending the board meetings on his part when Niall can’t make it.

It’s hard because there’s always been an underlying tension between her and Harry ever since they laid eyes on each other. Y/N could feel it when they shook hands for the first time— the way he gave the gesture slowly, as if trying to make it last. As if he wanted to keep their fingers interlocked for as long as possible. She could feel it in how when she had talked to him about her experience in the field, he was absentmindedly chewing on his bottom lip as he watched her own with intense concentration, which had made her cheeks sting, much to his amusement. But Harry had really gotten hooked on her when he asked her about how she was under pressure and Y/N answered by comparing herself to the calm and collectiveness of a wolf hunting its prey. Her specific words were, “On all levels except physical, I am a wolf.” and he immediately recognized where the quote was from. He’s not ashamed to say that he’s stayed up pretty late on work nights watching RIP Vine compilations.

To her comment, Harry then answered with a huge, goofy grin and a small, squeaky bark like the one in the video referenced and any nerve-derived ice between them immediately broke down. For the rest of the session, they strayed from the normal interview etiquette and talked about funny videos and memes on social media and he can confidentially say it is the best interview he’s ever given. Y/N was something else. The sweet, witty, funny something else that he felt the company needed to— that he needed, as well, to keep himself from losing his youth to the business world. All in a professional sense, of course.

When the interview had been over, Harry had gotten up and given Y/N’s hand another shake, the corners of his pretty rose lips quirking upwards into a smile that was borderline childish and genuine and full of awed interest in this random girl who had run into his office in Adidas slides and changed into heels in the bathroom, all without realizing that she’d almost toppled into him on his way to the elevator.

His voice had been deep, accent annunciating every syllable to utter crisp perfection as he regarded her with entertained wonder. “I really look forward to having you on board.”

Within all the quirky behavior they shared in the company, Harry’s interest in her became a bit more sensual as his tiny, endearing crush grew into him being utterly, shamefully whipped. Their exchanges became speckled with intense moments that suggested lascivious intentions, and Y/N can’t say she wasn’t fond of them. It had gone on the entire time Y/N had worked for his corporation to the point where she craved these longing instances because she had become deeply invested in Harry just as much as he was towards her, though neither of them knew it yet simply because they did not intend to act upon their feelings.

Lingering stares shared across the large conference room table. Lame jokes exchanged in the break room as he touched her hip lightly, reaching over her to grab the powder creamer from the cabinet up top, his chest pressing against her back as she let out a light gasp at his close proximity. Opening the door for her every chance he got, “accidentally” bumping into one another in the elevator, having lunch in his office together when the two stayed back do to project pile-up.  

Their relationship even went outside of the office. Since they worked together, they had the same friend group and therefore were bound to see each other all the time.    

The tension between the both of them amplified after last year’s Christmas party at Niall’s place, where Harry had gotten drunk off his ass and come up behind Y/N while she was grabbing another bag of ice from the cooler in Niall’s garage.

Harry had pressed up behind her, big, warm, shaky hands perching on her hips, groping the material of her new maroon velvet jeans.

Y/N had flipped around, gasping quietly as he shoved her up against the cement wall, the cold air from the cooler rising in a heavy fog, contrasting Harry’s warm body and making goosebumps wash across her skin.

He had bitten his deep red lip with raw need, eyes hazy but bright with arousal as the alcohol clouded his inhibitions, flicking across different points of her face and stopping at her lips, letting out a soft moan. “God, they look absolutely delicious.”

One of his hands came up to cup Y/N’s face, his thumb swiping over her bottom lip slowly, eyes lulling shut at the electricity that passed from the ridges of her skin to his. When he speaks, his voice is low and throaty with a whimpery undertone. “Nice and plump and so soft...Bet y’taste so sweet— bet y’taste like honey.”

“Harry...” Her voice is small but stern as she clings to his wrist in protest, as forced as it may be.

Y/N wants him just as bad as he wants her— especially now, in his tight black jeans and expensive olive-green and crimson Gucci Christmas sweater, hair fluffed into a soft quiff and he smells so fucking good it should be criminal— smells like cinnamon and musky cologne and the faint scent of chamomile shampoo. Especially when he’s oozing sex appeal and sheer need, even while looking so cute with little rain deer ears propped on his head, the tiny bells twinkling faintly with his movements.

But Y/N can’t. She can’t because he’s drunk and it would feel like she’s taking advantage of him and that’s not fair.

“We can’t, Har.”

He let’s out a tiny, soft groan at the name, his cock twitching in his pants at how good it sounds rolling off her tongue. He loves the way her mouth forms his name, so delicately and affectionate and innocent. It makes both his heart and prick throb and all he can think about is Y/N whimpering it in his ear as he rams himself against her sweaty thighs.

“Please, Y/N? Been wanting you for ages. I just...jus’ this once? Here, and now? I’ll take you right here on top of the cooler and make you feel so good you won’t regret it.” His lips drift closer to her’s, his Tom Ford cologne wafting up from his neck and causing her knees to buckle at his intoxicatingly alluring scent. “Fuck you so good you won’t ever forget it.”

With a painful gaze and a half-sane mind, Y/N slowly pries his big hands from her body, clutching his fingers with emotion to communicate how much it hurts to reject his offer. “I’m sorry, H, but we just can’t.”

His brows had knitted in discontent sadness, his pretty rose lips tilting down in a hurt-filled grimace. But eventually, with sad reluctance, he’d moved to the side and let her go.

She had scurried up the steps to rejoin the party, hands trembling as she clutched the cold bag of ice to her heated body, hoping it would help cool her off.

When Harry had come back up stairs, he covered up the incident pretty well, although he was in a dampened mood the rest of the night. At times, Y/N caught him staring at her with longing, only to embarrassingly flit his gaze away when she looked over, trying to hide the flush in his cheeks.

They both went on pretending like that encounter never happened, but in his defense, she assumes he’d been so sloshed he probably didn’t even remember it.

And now Y/N stands here in the mail room, months after, on National Boss Day of all days, sifting through all of the board members’ mail and organizing it into piles (it’s her turn this week according to the rotation her and the other secretaries had derived).

Everything’s going fine and dandy until Harry waltzes into the small room, in search for his round of mail for the day. He had been getting back from a quick lunch at the falafel place down the street when he’d decided to swing by, wanting to save whoever was in charge of mail today a trip to his office.

But when he saw her standing there, carefully eyeing the small, slanted, tricky handwriting on an envelope, he couldn’t help but crack a teeny, amused grin as a certain giddiness fluttered in his chest.

“Y’know, there’s these things called ‘glasses’ nowadays. They work absolute wonders.”

Y/N jumps slightly with a squeak of surprise, whipping around with a wild look tainting her features. When she sees him giggling softly in the corner, sipping his vanilla chai with the corners of his lips tilted up around the brim of the cup, she gives him a playful scowl.

“Oh, hush.”

He weighs towards sticking around a bit, chatting with her about some new movies that have come out in theaters, well aware that one of her favorite things in the world is going to the cinema. The conversation is cheery and comfortable as he leans back against one of the sturdy shelves, arms crossed over his broad chest with his biceps chiseling into the expensive fabric of his dress shirt, an effortlessly cocky smirk plastered on his face for no apparent reason.

That’s one thing about Harry. He has a certain aura of unwavering confidence about him that borderlines arrogance in the hottest way possible; but in reality, he’s the sweetest dolt to ever walk the earth. Y/N had mentioned it before and his explanation was that in this business, one has to appear naturally self-assured and “edging towards assholey” to guarantee others’ respect. He’d commented that after a while, the façade just melted into his DNA and that he does it often without even noticing.

But she knew he was aware of it now— that he was doing it on purpose. Y/N knew because she could feel his cheeky gaze prickling her cheeks with heat as she struggles to detach two envelopes that had glued themselves together, trying not to rip either. Y/N knew because when he reaches over and takes said envelopes from her hands and frees them with one simple tug, the conceited simper he gives her is also complimented by a jesting quirk of his thick brows.   

“Shut up.” She grumbles, snatching the papers from him and chucking them in their designated piles, trying her best not to stare at the large array of fancy rings hugging his fingers. He has three on one hand and four on the other and she can’t fathom how hands could be big enough to make those expensive, chunky rings look so small.

“I didn’t even say anything!” He laughs, pouting his pretty lips with faux hurt. “That’s not very nice.”

“You’re not very nice.” Y/N mocks in a high-pitched voice, scrunching her nose into a silly face.

“I beg to differ.” He exclaims adamantly. “I’m very nice. Just ask any girl I’ve been with. I make them breakfast, do the laundry, vacuum, clean the bathrooms— the bathrooms, Y/N.”

“You poor baby.”

“And I’m pretty giving when it comes to other things, as well, but we won’t get into that.” He waves a hand dismissively in the air. “It’s not necessarily appropriate office banter.”

She lets out a light laugh, a bit forced at the sly tone of his comment.          

Somehow, Harry has ended up uncomfortably close to Y/N, his nose inches from the side of her face. His cologne fans over her and she’s suddenly flashed back to that moment so many weeks ago in Niall’s garage, the familiar scent sending her nerves into a frenzy.

The same bubbling starts to boil at the pit of Y/N’s stomach— the same feeling of anxious excitement that came with having Harry so close, with his interests set on her and only her.

When he speaks, his voice is a low drawl, every word annunciated by his accent, dripping with taunting suggestiveness. “Maybe I can show you one day.”

“Yeah, just maybe.” Y/N laughs softly, pushing the sentence out with difficulty, trying to make nothing of the situation.

“Maybe...” Harry leans his head to the side slightly, trying to catch her eye, and suddenly his mood changes completely from one of sexual tension to his normal, airy, light-hearted self. “Maybe today, it being National Boss Day and all. Mind treating me to your company for some coffee cake tonight at my place?”

Y/N gives him a wary glance.

“Just as a token of gratitude for your oh-so nice and giving boss.” His tone has lost it’s predatory edge, helping relieve some of her stress. “Just one slice. Made it myself last night. It would really hurt my feelings if you turned me down without even giving it a chance.”

He pouts childishly, pretending to sniffle, whimpering softly.

The young secretary rolls her eyes. “God, I hate you, y’know that?”

“I’m your boss. You’re supposed to hate me.”

[synthaphone]

doing this whole OC meme thing for me mostly, very likely not interesting to anyone else (because I’m not really explaining who any of these guys are and I don’t expect anyone to know all of them, also its formatted badly and i didn’t edit it well) so i’m putting it under a cut

The oldest OC I still bring back occasionally is Bluebell, who is an alien creature I invented in 6th grade. She used to be named Hana, because I was taking Japanese lessons and was in that phase of elementary school where you think that naming your characters after a word in another language is always the best and coolest idea

The newest OC I have that’s like, a main character is I guess Viarnne, but my newest OC that’s not a fan character is Slice the rainbow layer cake dragon

I can’t pick a favorite OC very easily- I love Pike and Tu personality-wise a whole lot out of my Dialien characters, and I think Viarnne is my favorite Neopet right now. OH also i love my old character Alkaline

picking a favorite OC design is even harder- of my neopets, Alxxa has the coolest design I think, both to draw and as far as general appearance goes. For all original characters, my favorite for a long time was the character I made whose design was... literally adapted from Alxxa but not a Neopet. I think I called it Tiramisu?? its been a while since I’ve actually drawn Tiramisu

My main reason for making OCs is sort of different for different types of characters- I think part of it is that I legitimately want to tell stories, but the biggest thing IS that I just find character design fun, in particular designing and drawing creatures.

Uhh it’s different for different characters but it usually involves finding something fun to draw and then drawing it a bunch, to see if it stays fun, or if I can keep it fun. If I don’t have fun drawing a character, they tend to sort of fall away- like, you don’t see me drawing Jukebawks often, even though I had fun coming up with a design, because she’s... hard to draw, and doesn’t have as much range of expression as a lot of my other characters. (plus I don’t have a personality for her- if I have a backstory I’m really invested in for a character, I can basically draw very similar pictures of them over and over again and have fun because I like their story so much, which is probably a bit of a flaw)

I don’t really ship my OCs with anyone else’s- I’ve never even really shipped my OCs with like, canon characters from anything? I’m not necessarily opposed to the idea of shipping my characters with someone else’s, but I’m not very good at communication or roleplaying, and a lot of my characters aren’t really what I would call ‘shippable’, so it tends to be easier to just work by myself on that kind of thing.

uhhh i have a couple ocs who I ship but i’m really self conscious about doing so, so i talk about most of them almost never. I ship Sam and Viarnne but I want to actually have a story where it makes sense for them to end up forming a relationship like that, so for now i’m mostly focusing on how their friendship will work (also, just like, assume none of my OCs are fucking I guess?? even the ones i ship together- that’s one of those things that’s just never really been interesting to me, and i mostly just don’t want to deal with jokes about it because like, please?? i like relationship stuff but i just don’t get anything out of sex stuff, jokes or otherwise, most of the time. also please don’t take this as a moral judgement if that’s something you do, i don’t care as long as its not like, something morally reprehensible, you do you). oh i also have Alxxa and Sensurround (neopets), Zotyre and Gyronaut (neopets), Alkaline and Skurl (original story), uhhh kind of not sure if Tu and Iris are gonna end up having a romantic relationship in my Dialien story, i need to do more thinking

weirdest... oc... uhhhhh i’m not sure what that would entail, exactly. my fursona might be the weirdest just from like, not having any sort of world or story or anything, she just floats in space and picks up space radio signals and stuff

I don’t really have enough villain ocs- I guess at this point, Chexerton is kind of a villain, he’s like a shitty space security guard for Virtupets. most of my completely original stories don’t have villains- Dialiens (it needs a better name- maybe just Dial) is more about mental health struggles and potentially capitalism or colonialism, and with LOSER (a story i think i have barely ever talked about on here, its the one with Skurl and Alkaline) i straight up can’t decide whether its a fun road trip where character flaws are explored and then like, amends are made, or if it ultimately ends with the characters not overcoming their flaws and destroying each other. its kind of been both in my mind for a long time which is why i can’t write it- can’t decide whether the relationship should be ultimately healthy or toxic

This is a tough question- I don’t think of my OCs as real people, exactly, that I could be mean to or ‘torture, muahaha i love seeing my babies suffer’- but they’re deeply personal to me, and I don’t think its always useful to see them as constructs unworthy of being treated with kindness. I guess what I would consider being ‘nice’ to my OCs is trying to realize them better and have them make sense and function properly in whatever stories I’m trying to tell using them. In that regard, I guess there’s some I theoretically ‘neglect’ by not really focusing on them very often, or by getting tired of their stories but never officially ‘getting rid’ of them?? Plus I don’t have time to develop literally every character I’ve ever had. I have all kinds of old OCs that i’m not planning to do anything with anymore, but they meant something to me at some point, and its not like they’re going to pile up and take up space in my house if I don’t, like, sell them. I like knowing that if I ever need to look back at my old stuff for ideas, there’s a bunch of stuff I might be able to use or repurpose again someday.

Again, I don’t really think about it as ‘killed’. I guess I don’t have the main character from Skurl’s original story anymore, who was like a mammalian Invader Zim-esque fantasy evil fortress knight?? and Skurl was the funny animal curmudgeon sidekick. I made that protagonist up because the story needed a protagonist, and he never even really had a personality to speak of- his rival was better defined, the mad scientist from the idea had a more interesting character design- basically every other character from that story I might bring back, but that protagonist is probably gone for good. Maybe I’ll bring back his weird ear decorations that smushed his fabric-y rabbit ears down, those were kind of the most interesting thing he had going on. OH if you mean literally killed off in a story, in the nightmare angst version of LOSER Skurl ends up like, not DEAD exactly, but severely fucked up to the point where he’d be better off dead. And Viarnne is technically dead

Oh man years ago I had an OC named O-BR who was a robotic panda bear toy who was possessed by the soul of some dude who died who was a father, and now is kind of the robotic parental figure of the child who owns the bear toy. i don’t think that actually works well as a story- i never even figured out what that dude’s name was, just the name of the bear. it’s name was O-BR because its ears were like, floating purple plastic cheerio shapes that hovered next to his head. this was another ‘i’m obsessed with invader zim’ era character

80% of my Neopet OCs at any given time- also 80% of my non fandom based OCs at any given time. I don’t have time to come up with stories for all of them, and I tend to just focus on whatever is interesting enough that I remember it

I hate drawing Jukebawks... i’m sorry jukebawks........ maybe i should like, offer her up for trade, but i’m not sure anyone else would want her?? i like the idea of her!! i should actually probably design her to be easier for me to draw, in all honesty. When it comes to writing though, Moe has given me so much grief because I honest to god don’t know how he fits into the story and group dynamic in Dialiens. He’s like, kind of an asshole loner who keeps to himself and doesn’t want people to bother him?? i’m not even confident he uses ‘he’ pronouns. i don’t know

this feels like its more designed for people who have more humanoid ocs where they’re heights are more, like, similar, so being short or tall is a thing?? like, for Neopets, Alxxa’s the tallest because he’s really long, and Viarnne is the shortest because he’s an oval that’s like a foot tall. as far as the only character heights that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about, the Dialiens, tallest to shortest, are: Pike, Moe (not counting the ears), Iris, Chives, Tu

I guess my oldest ocs are Zotyre, Gyronaut, and that mutant Moehog lady- youngest would be Chilston, i guess. and as far as OCs, i have no idea, i don’t think enough about age. approaching characters from the angle that they’re Cartoons!!!! and then deciding to try and give them nuance later means that everyone’s just sort of nebulously adult-ish

Do I dislike any of my OCs, like, as characters, or as people? I think Pike, despite being one of my favorite OCs, would irritate me quite a bit in real life, because his personality is heavily influenced by traits that annoyed me about other people I’ve met, but like, trying to see them more sympathetically?? but he’d get on my nerves. Iris fits this a lot too- I don’t think I’d like Moe much either?? i dunno its a weird question, i like them because they’re my characters and also because they’re not real. i don’t think most of them would be friends with me or anything if they were real, even if so many of them are based on parts of me

oh i’ve made self inserts- i definitely had a self insert Invader Zim character that i drew maybe a single time, and then pretended to be in daydreams in my head while bored during school. she had an angsty backstory. then after that i pretended to be Trigger in my daydream stories all the time in school for like, 3 years (like, during points in time where i was zoning out during class, or walking between classes)

uhhhhh I regret not doing more with these characters, and i regret that i can’t answer a lot of important questions about characters I’ve had for years Now. i’ve had them for years, so they feel really definitive and rock solid in my mind, so they’re hard to change, but also they’re really not as nuanced as i want them to be. its a bit tough

well someone in freshman year of college who i ended up cutting ties with because of some kind of wild friend group drama and like, important political and philosophical differences, actually knew me from deviantart and remembered one of my OCs. that was pretty wild. that’s one person though... uhhh, are any of my OCs popular?? I’m just excited when anyone finds a character i’ve come up with interesting. I’m glad other people seem to like Viarnne!!! it fills me with terror that i’ll like, ruin him by writing a bad story, but its also exciting and validating to come up with a character story and for other people to also enjoy it

uhhh its Viarnne again. i drew him to try and demonstrate how a robot Kiko could be an appealing character design and it backfired on me. i love drawing Orb with a Face and Arms and i am happy when i see him as my active pet on neopets. I guess Pike also qualifies- when I initially drew the Dialiens, I had very vague personality ideas for them, and I felt like he would be the bully. he has since become very much NOT the bully (like, he seems more like a person who would get bullied) and I’ve grown really fond of him. also i created Trigger to be a Chuck E Cheese style mascot back before fucking Five Nights At Freddy’s existed and destroyed that that as an original idea (fuck you FNAF i have two characters now who are basically... that and you can’t ruin that for me. i was here FIRST (this is a joke its not even that great of a premise, my shit isn’t horror, and i’ll deal)). he was also based on a glow in the dark grey alien and a skeleton and lived in an abandoned pizza entertainment building and was basically an evil villain, and then high school me decided that instead of being that he was gonna be a mutated teenager and it was going to be really angsty. I don’t really have as much interest in that backstory anymore??? but I sure had a lot of fun with it for like 4 years so i think that counts

[regrettablewritings]

Bruce Wayne x Reader Ship Meme

Author’s Note: Super big thanks to @twisteddamselartwork for her kindly donation for not one, but two ship memes!! Here’s the first one!! Be on the lookout for the bonus question that I got too carried away with and thus had to create an entirely separate post for 😘 Happy reading!!

who is more likely to hurt the other?: Bruce, without a doubt. Not physically, but emotionally. It isn’t even like he intends to, but Bruce is already an emotionally stoic man. Frankly, it’s a trait that’s only gotten worse with time, alongside his emotional welfare. During the events following the Kryptonian attack, he became hypervigilant and  all the more bitter and suspicious towards people and less agreeable towards those who may hold a slightly more sympathetic view towards the Superman, so if you happened to be one of those people there was a decent chance that he might coldly insult you or scold you. Of course, being that you’re his significant other, he tries to be a bit more reasonable with you than he would with others but that doesn’t necessarily do much. Post-Doomsday Attack, however, as he works toward regaining his former principles, Bruce also is working toward controlling his temper far better. He owes you that much.

who is emotionally stronger?: You’d think it’d be Bruce, but it’s honestly most likely you. (For crying out loud, the man’s response to his parents getting gunned down in front of him was to put on a bat suit, play ninja, and beat the shit out of people who wear brazen makeup and ridiculous clothes!) All jokes aside, though, the circumstances surrounding Bruce’s emotional stability is complex. Because on one hand, the fact that he’s   withstood all that he has and more without collapsing in the traditional     sense is pretty astounding. But on the other, enduring all that he has at the frequency with which he has, coupled with his unhealthy coping mechanisms, makes for the chance of his emotional state being a true ticking time bomb. You may not be the scarily enduring soldier of sorts that Bruce has proven to be, but you’re at least more likely to confront and sort out your feelings.

who is physically stronger?: Oh, Bruce, without a shadow of a doubt. The man has been training for ages, pushing his body to its limits to assure himself as a commendable fighter for Gotham City. Even in his older age, he doesn’t show any sign of slowing down his intense regimens: He does chin-ups with heavy weights tied to his hips, he pulls bigass truck tires, he lifts dumbbells restrained by chains to produce resistance – his 6’3” ass had better be physically strong after all that!

who is more likely to break a bone?: Despite all of the coverage that armor gives him, Bruce always manages to find a way to get a broken finger, rib, toe, tailbone, etc.

who knows best what to say to upset the other?: As stated before, Bruce isn’t exactly the best when it comes to softness all the time. When he’s in business mode, he’s better at holding his tongue because it’s what the job demands. But a both good and bad thing about Bruce being able to be himself with you is just how easy it is for his more lax nature to let something slip out and frustrate you. That isn’t to say that you’re completely innocent, however: You can say some things that Bruce finds just as hurtful (i.e. that he’s being a complete asshole of a brute, that he’s being inconsiderate, nothing he’s doing is working, etc.)

who is most likely to apologize first after an argument?: Bruce is. Even though his image will always be associated with that of a playboy (it’s hard to scrub that image off even years after the fact), Bruce still knows the right and wrong ways to treat a lady, especially the one with whom he’s in a relationship. He can get fired up at you all he wants, but he’ll hear the voice of his father in his head scolding him for being “an uppity jackass” and begin to truly weigh in on just how unimportant the argument probably was in the grand scheme of things. After he’s taken some time to cool down and think up the right words, he’ll ask if you’ll listen and gently try and explain himself and ask for your forgiveness.

Of course . . . there are some arguments between the two of you that are, regardless of how minuscule in general, feel mighty big to you both. In which cases, apologizing becomes a lot more difficult to do, even with Bruce’s typical consideration for being the bigger man. The two of you can probably go for days just ignoring one another, with you tending to sleep at your old apartment or Bruce preferring to spend his nights in the Batcave or even patrolling way past his usual hours until the sun is coming up and you’re due to be on your way to work.

It’s moments like these that require a little ��nudge.” That is, if Alfred threatening to strangle Bruce or drag him by the ear as though he were twelve again counts as a nudge. In which case, it’s still technically Bruce   apologizing, but it was kick-started by Alfred getting irritated by watching the both of you silently squabble like children. He’s done his     time raising wee ones: Unless you’re planning on bringing a Wayne heir into the mix, he’s not going to be dealing with two big children! He is firmly Done™.

who treats who’s wounds more often?: You barely do anything warranting wounds to begin with, so it’s easily you who treats Bruce’s wounds. Thankfully (though perhaps more worryingly), Bruce is so used to being busted up all over that he barely flinches through the entire ordeal, making him the perfect wound patient.

who is in constant need of comfort?: Don’t be fooled by his cold, independent exterior: Bruce is in desperate need of comfort, far more than he would ever readily let in on. He needs it on all three levels: Physical, mental, and emotional. While Bruce isn’t what many would consider touch-starved (after all, all those women who came before you sure were rather handsy with him), he’s been starved of touches that communicate genuine affection; an intimacy no one-night stand or even year-long fling could conjure up to the fullest extent that you can. Mentally, Bruce is canonically described as “morally bankrupt” – and who could blame him!? He’s been at this essentially thankless job for decades, becoming more and more exhausted to the point of cutting corners to assure that the people he puts away stay away (or, in the cases of those branded,     down). With the things he’s seen and done, the things he must live with the consequences of, it’s a surprise Bruce hasn’t had a complete mental breakdown at this point and forced himself to check into a rehabilitation center to calm down.

Linking with these things are his emotions: Bruce has trained himself to be a stoic of sorts, and isn’t too great at expressing emotions beyond collectiveness and anger. As a result, he tends to bottle up a lot of his real thoughts and feelings and it’s sort of corroded him from the inside out along with the passage of time. He desperately craves constant relief in the form of gentle touches or speaking his own truth to the fullest extent that he can. And you would gladly help him with those things – if only he would just admit to it more often.

who gets more jealous?: Honestly, the both of you tend to display traces of jealousy. Even though Bruce has put his playboy days behind him, labels are sticky and therefore are difficult to shake loose. As a result, some women still haven’t quite gotten the picture that he’s perfectly happy in a committed relationship with you. And honestly, you try to remember that last part. You really do. But when you accompany Bruce to a gala and see those socialites gathering around him, smiling with those pearly whites and fluttering their mascara-caked lashes as they press their breasts against his arm in ways so obvious that a person on the other side of the room could feel them . . . you just can’t help it! Thankfully, Bruce is pretty good at reading you and can essentially sense your frustration. He has no qualms with calmly excusing himself from the women’s presence to take you elsewhere.

This calm and collected appearance also accompanies Bruce when he’s the one experiencing jealousy, though it’s far less amicable. Unless you were originally a part of Gotham’s elite, it’s very unlikely that you’re familiar with these sorts of events. This sort of innocence coupled with how dolled up you look tends to make you catch the eyes of sleazy attendants whom Bruce is all too willing to keep you out of reach of. Unfortunately, with the crowds and people constantly stopping Bruce or pulling him to the side to talk or be interviewed or establish a business connection, it would only been a matter of time before the two of you became separated. Almost immediately, like piranhas to an unsuspecting animal, the previously mentioned sleazeballs would approach you, offering you drinks, eyeballing you as one eyeballs a tender porterhouse steak.

Thankfully, this predicament doesn’t last long – the shadow of your towering boyfriend is cast upon them, brightened by the glint of his smile (which you almost swear has a sort of menacing hint to it). Once the pests bug off, Bruce takes extra care to assure that you don’t venture too far away from where he can see you and make sure that you aren’t getting harassed.    

The truth of the matter is that while many may consider Bruce to be a catch, he places your value above his own. He’s grown too accustomed to your presence to suddenly be without it. And even though he knows you’d never go for any one of these creepy, arrogant asshats, some part of him still fears the possibility of you somehow uncovering somebody better than him. Which brings us to . . .

who’s most likely to walk out on the other?: All things considered, you. Bruce is a difficult man to be with, even without taking his moonlighting job into account. On his own, he’s an often aloof, very busy man who’s developed a bit of a drinking problem over the years. But then you add in the fact that he’s the Bat of Gotham and everything gets a lot more complex: The long hours, constantly keeping secrets “for your safety”, the fact that your life is now even more in danger than what it already was by just being with a billionaire . . . It could be overwhelming for anybody. Dating a vigilante, no matter their abilities or resources, is not for everybody. And the sad truth is that if it ever gets to a certain point, it may prove not to be for you.

who will propose?: Bruce does. Honestly, deep down he sort of wishes you would, but he also understands that he doesn’t exactly communicate “I want to genuinely settle down with somebody and I want that somebody to be you”, what with his philanderer past still wisping about on his association (plus, being a vigilante who honestly can die at any moment does little for your confidence in his desire to wed). However, you’d be surprised to find that marriage is something Bruce has thought about more than you assumed. Certainly, the two of you had discussed it before, but never to the extent that Bruce implies he’s been thinking on it for.

He wants to connect your name with his, to show the world who he’s with and vice-versa, but on a level that states commitment more than moving out to his place in the middle of nowhere could. On top of this, from a slightly more business standpoint, Bruce just wants to make sure that you’re taken care of in the event of his death. As soon as the events involving Steppenwolf have been settled, he wastes no time getting ready to pop the question. The only thing stopping him from marching right up to you, still damp from the much-needed shower, and bluntly going, “Marry me? I nearly died today and maybe it’s the adrenaline still in my system but I just really think now’s the time to tie this down” is that Alfred dragged him to the side for a talking to. (Though, if such a brusque proposal is more your bag, you can fuss at Alfred’s sabotage later.)

What he winds up going for is renting one of the finest restaurants on this side of the Gotham-Metropolis Bay just for the two of you. If we’re being perfectly frank here, a man with Bruce’s financial status could easily afford to do a lot more for his proposal. Sometimes showy like establishing an entire festival in your honor. But he doesn’t: He just wants to keep it as simple as possible, as intimate as he can. Besides, he’s honestly still a little sore from Russia; he can’t have the paparazzi or other prying eyes looking in on such a life-changing moment, now can he? You initially think that maybe this is a celebratory dinner, considering the mission was a success and he didn’t die. However, this makes you wonder why he’s not spending it with the newly found group; after all, all you were able to do was assist in the Batcave here and there, pose as a superior-than-Bruce host. Little things. So why was he spending this with you – Oh.

As Bruce lowered himself down to one knee before you, you finally understood why the only person he wanted to be with after the incident was you.

You’re not sure how the news was able to spread to fast (maybe somebody Snapchatted from the kitchen), but you frankly didn’t care. Not when a small group of cameramen and women gathered outside of the eatery and began barking questions at the two of you, not when the engagement was suggested as a rumor by that evening’s late-night talk show, not when your coworkers gathered around you asking if it was true the next time you came into work.

All you needed to show was the ring on your finger. Martha Wayne’s ring had been mangled in the heat of the fire that consumed Wayne Manor, but Bruce couldn’t bring himself to part with it. But luckily, by combining it with a newer metal and placing the newly conceived ring on the finger of his fiancée, it appeared he’d never have to part with neither the heirloom or you.

who has the most difficult parents?: Yikes.

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public?: You do. Bruce doesn’t mind light PDA, he just doesn’t really initiate it unless it’s at a gala (“Gotta feed the damn paparazzi,” he mutters, though he won’t deny enjoying the contact with you). You like holding his big, calloused hand. It makes you feel nice and safe.

who hogs the blankets?: You do. Bruce is a big, walking bag of heat and often sleeps in next to nothing – a ballsy move for somebody living in a house that’s 98% glass. As such, the covers are typically all yours, something which you take full advantage of.

who gets more sad?: Both of you do, but it’s easier to tell with you. You haven’t trained yourself to express an air of calm the way Bruce has; even when you try to hide the feelings of dread and worry that you bottle up every time Bruce goes out on patrols, or displays mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion, the man can tell that they’re there. But Bruce is the one actually enduring these things, and he’s been going through them for a long, long while. By the time of the events surrounding his battle with Superman, Bruce was essentially depressed at the notion that all of his work towards a better, brighter future had been for naught. However, he doesn’t translate his sadness very well; usually it comes out in the form of aggression, the most of which he takes out on perpetrators.

who is better at cheering the other up?: It’s kind of weird between the two of you but to anyone who knows Bruce, they would be able to tell that you make him feel a whole lot better than what he normally would be. He doesn’t smile a whole lot for one reason or another, but sometimes just hearing you talk about your day as though you belong to a normal relationship, or seeing you wiggle around in one of his button downs (of which you drown in) is enough to crack a smirk out of him. And let’s be real: A smirk to Bruce is like a huge grin on regular people.

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?: You don’t really slap him when he makes a joke, either because Bruce’s joke are silly but in a different way or just because it’s not really in your nature to. You prefer to squeeze his arm instead.

who is more streetwise?: Bruce. Don’t let his status as the Prince of Gotham fool you – this man has had to learn all that he could about seedy urban underbellies. The man attends underground fight rings for God’s sake!

who is more wise?: You are, at least in the way that you take more time to consider all the options or potential circumstances. Bruce is mighty gung-ho for a man his age.

who’s the shyest?: Definitely you! It was a wonder you were even able to talk when you first met Bruce. You’ve gotten a bit better, but you still have a slight tendency to cling close or even try to hide behind him whenever he’s approached by other high society figures. He doesn’t mind it much and actually finds it quite cute. He just worries that this will make you even more easy to be taken advantage of.

who boasts about the other more?: Bruce does, though not often. It’s not that he isn’t proud of you (far from it; the man simply adores you), it’s just that he prefers to keep his private life exactly that: Private. This may be ironic considering that the man has a history for flaunting himself and that his decision to reconstruct a home resulted in a house made out of glass but remember: That glass house is in the woods, way out of city limits. Even when being showy, there’s an air of limitation to how much people get. Plus, it’s not as though there are many opportunities for Bruce to bring you up within reasonable conversation: The League keeps in contact regularly (in fact, Arthur seems to prefer communicating with you than with Bruce, much to the latter’s ire), leaving no real reason for him to  bring you up to them. And Alfred already sees you as his daughter-in-law before marriage is even considered as a possibility; in short, he doesn’t need Bruce to boast about you, he’s practically trying to sell you to Bruce as a worthy mate.

At most, this sort of situation will likely pop up during conferences or when Bruce is meeting with CEOs from other companies looking to partner up with Wayne Enterprises. Maybe during lunch or dinner, some of the honchos will talk about their women at home, maybe jab a joke or two at her expense. But when Bruce is asked about you, he keeps it brief but makes it very clear that he has no intention of making jokes about you. How could he when he finds that there’s so much more to crow about? He’s got a devoted woman who loves him for him, who makes him smile, who makes coming home a lot easier and life less lonely.

“Plus, I’m pretty sure she could cook a better blackened catfish than this,” he chews thoughtfully before popping another piece into his mouth. And that was the end of that. If he had less control over himself, he just     might’ve gone on a bit more about you, but frankly he wants to be out of this thing and back home to you as soon as possible.

who sits on who’s lap?: Bruce is a 6’3” pile of muscle and meat: I sincerely hope you don’t plan on having this man basically terminate you lap by sitting on it. But in all seriousness, this man loves having you sit on his lap, especially after a long day at work when he can just wind down and breathe for a little while. (Plus, on a naughtier note, it really plays into his daddy kink if the mood is just right.)

[boglog]

Wholesome Questionare Tag Meme

Tagged by @80sglamcowboy Rules are: -Post the rules -Answer the questions given to you by the tagger -Write eleven questions of your own -Tag eleven people

This is long as Hell, friends and I apologise.

One inquisitive bitch has asked me:

1. Name one person (real or fictional) that you think you could 100% take on in a fight

Foaming mouth guy from Avatar. He’s got no stamina, barely any health, no skill. He’s unfocused and weak and my noodley nerd-ass could take him. (Though I am a little concerned he has rabies.)

2. What’s your favourite snack rn

Grilled cheese w veggies, mustard, and grilled tofu w a side of ketchup made by my roommate. It’s honestly the purest thing.

3. Which apocalypse do you think you’d do the best in? (i.e. Nuclear winter/ robot uprising/ Too many vampires, etc)

O man. I love apocalypse movies and I love survival horror (that one episode of the X Files where they’re trapped in a cabin, anybody?). I also genuinely love camping and I’m a bit of a medical hobbyist. I also watched an unreasonable amount of prepper videos on YouTube. That said, as mentioned above, I am a couch potato weekling. Furthermore, I don’t do well in conflict so if the world hierarchy collapses into a power vacuum where you have to Orange is the New Black-style intimidate ppl for supplies, I would melt and die quickly.

My best bet, it would seem, is an Arrival-esque alien apocalypse where the ones who have enough patience and sci fi knowledge to communicate w aliens are at the top of the food chain. And worst case scenario it’s better for my ego to die at the hands of an alien than a human.

Sci go apocalypses are just cleaner y'know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


4. Best and worst fandom you’ve been in? Or have you somehow managed to avoid fandom completely?

Worst has to be Steven Universe. I regret not just moving on after I got bored. Ah well.

(I also think celebrity/real ppl fandoms are a dead end.)

My other fandoms all have various pros and cons and it’s hard to pick a favourite.

Adventure Time has great fanart, great meta and ppl have yet to descend into Homestuck-ian chaos. That said, they’re quiet af. People also fixate way too much on the fake fanfic AU Fionna and Cake. I have yet to read a really good Bonny/Marcy fic and that is a tragedy (a few have come close tho). Bottom line for AT tho is that it’s my go to wholesome cartoonist fandom. I like that it has depth but that it’s generally very simple and fun and that the fans are mostly shut in animation adults.

AtLA/LoK fandom’s biggest pro is that it’s huge and you literally never ran out of quality content. I’ve even made a few friends via this decade old franchise. It’s also enjoyably rich and complex. One of my favourite (now inactive) blogs was one that connected world building and little background Easter eggs to real Chinese history and culture. That wAs so cool!! I defs think as a Chinese person it allowed me to connect to non-western culture in a socially acceptable way.

The downsides tho are many: it can be overwhelmingly complicated (esp as someone who knows jack shit abt Chinese history), people take it too seriously, The Great Shipping Wars, it’s so big it’s a little lonely, the show itself has so many flaws upon greater inspection you wonder why you wasted your time on anything related to it, it’s an Asian themed story created by white dudes who make fun of their fans, the best parts of the show were written by other writers but those same white guys get k the credit. Also as w any fandom related to POC culture, racism happens. Anyways most of you know this already. IMO the best thing to have happened do the fandom is korrasami. Now it’s just abt Asian lesbians ruling the world.

(Though I also thoroughly enjoy the Family Rivalry part of the fandom. There are so mNy dysfunctional families to choose from!)

Rick and Morty is technically speaking my newest fandom. It’s got a lot of obvious cons (pickle Rick sexists, Szechuan sauce racists, asfhkkh incest) but one other con is just how pedantic and overly analytical people are abt the world building. I can’t breathe wo being corrected. RM has a misleadingly complicated high sci fi aesthetic that begets the kind of overanalysing my brand of overanalytical nerdiness can’t handle. Too many alternate universes. It’s just too complicated.

However one thing I like is that conversely I can overanalyse the writing and characters’ psychology/relationships (which I LOVE) and ppl take me very seriously. (At least they used to.) it’s kinda validating to have your 3k word essay on an old man’s bedroom and what that signifies for his depression get over 1k notes.

Rm also attracts the fun, super talented animation crowd so there’s boundless fanart and memes. I never knew I would like a gravity falls crossover retirement home AU btwn Rick and Stan so much but the art is objectively gorgeous?? So ??

I really dislike the lack of attention the female characters get from fandom bc they’re all really great? Female rep is limited but both canon and fic really do their 2-3 tokens justice. Also the jerry hatred is getting old (that male aggression… Like… Calm down, Jake) but it’s a refreshing departure drom when Megg from family guy was the butt of the joke.

Harry Potter, one of the pillars of nerd society, has both changed my life and irreconcilably annoyed me to death. (W no thanks to the racist creator herself!) One can’t underestimate how huge the hp fandom is which offers you as many reasons to love it as reasons not to. Harry Potter’s canon has complex world building that’s also charming enough not to take itself too seriously and much the same could b said of fanon. To a degree. Certain corners of the fanbase are fantastic shitposters and meme-ers and can draw you back in like a black hole. Casually enjoying Harry potter imo is where it’s at. The fanfic is probably one of the most impressively vast. Strangers at Drakesaugh, believe it or not, still updates and not only that, I still read it.

Not casually enjoying Harry potter is, um, yikes? HP and Hunger Games love to insert themselves appropriately in real life political traumas and honestly the dedication of the fandom can be overwhelming.

The HP fanart corner of deviantart circa 2010-12 and @flocc HP comics however are the best.

Meet the Robinsons, Ye Olde Fandom, still stands to this day. (Thanks in part to me ngl) As Iroh might say, they are a proud people. MTR is so bizarre and tiny it’s the only fandom I was able to read EVERY fic summary in existence (ones published on obscure sites excepted). The fandom has never ceased to surprise me for better or worse and mostly due to its age range. The original movie was intended for 8-12 yr olds and their (jaded) parents which means that now, ten years later, the fans are anywhere between 12 and 25. It has approximately 20 pieces of professional-grade fanart and fic and I am downright serious abt the quality and thoughtful complexity of this minority of fanart. Like I shit you not some of it’s almost too dark. However, tragically, one can’t talk abt obscure Disney fandoms wo also mentioning the incest ships (this is what happens when middleschoolers have to resort to cartoons to explore their sexuality in an anti sex ed world), the disorganised crossovers, and the blinding lack of imagination. Nonetheless, that a fandom of any kind could sprout from a 90 min cgi movie before the recession, based off an obscure but objectively fascinating children’s book, is still impressive. The fandoms smallness can in many wars work to everybody’s benefit: it’s a tightly knit community w little to no drama. And lots of memes (that I mostly make) to enjoy sincerely or ironically.

I’m also going to mention, very briefly, the Twin Peaks fandom, most of whom, even the die hards, are v casual when it comes to fan content (I need more fic damnit). Nonetheless it’s a decidedly cool art kid crowd for an art house show and I really enjoy befriending twin peaks watchers.

5. What’s one hot food that you prefer cold? (or, alternatively, one cold food you like hot)

Is it snobby to say I like food to be the temperature God intended?

Like I like cold pizza and salad-y pasta but I wouldn’t mind if everything were room temperature as long as the food itself was well made.

6. ya like jazz? What music do you enjoy listening to? Can you recommend any songs/ artists from that genre?

I think in some contexts I can like jazz. It’s very cosy and nostalgic, it can make you feel like a grand dame stepping out of your limo into your martini filled mansion as records pop around you and your fur carpeted living room. I also occasionally like jazz covers and alternate genres of jazz like electro swing etc.

Generally though I also think jazz is a little antiquated and a little all over the place. I lean more towards the ambiguous minimalism of mellow techno music like Jonna Lee, Grimes, Björk, early Lorde, Yasmine Hamdan, Austra, TRST, etc

I mean I don’t stick to just one genre (I imagine most ppl don’t). I like alternative (Tori Amos, Regina Spektor, Joanna Newsom) and some musicians who seem to completely exist outside of genre like iMonster and the Gorillaz. Not to mention straight up pop like broods, Ellie goulding, lady gaga and Lana del rey. (I mean technically Ldr isn’t pop but u get the ideer)

7. What binge worthy show do you like?

So many man. There are so many out there! Twin peaks, Transparent, Love, Grace and Frankie, Adventure Time, House of Cards, Bojack Horseman, Rick and Morty, Mad Men, Girls, Broad City, Black Mirror, Avatar TLA, 6Teen, Chowder, Over the Garden Wall, Flapjack, the first season of Downton Abbey, Game of Thrones, etc

The list goes on. I’m a TV fiend.

8. What’s an old meme that you miss and wish would be brought back?

Always liked the Gothic [x town or whatever] meme. It was like a text post version of the cursed images meme. Currently I’m really enjoying the song from another room meme and I hope even after it gets old it’ll make a comeback.

9. Tell me your aesthetic



O man. That’s a can of worms! Okay. Deep breath.

I like futurism, of all kinds. I like strong lines and clear shapes. I like colour blocking and minimalism and glass and holographic LED neons. I like white Japanese urban tiled buildings. I like aliens and ruins and cubes and white and colour blocking and black. I like technology and aliens and Comme des Garçons and Issey Miyake. Rooms that are empty but for one light and one window and one plant. Love that.

I like the midcentury cubism and Mod and 30’s futurism. Clear and strong industrial shapes and curves and post modernist abstractionism.

I also love nature, I love most every Björk and Iamamiwhoami music video. I love the mountains and the forests and the desert and the winter tundra and most of all I love the water. A vast expanse of sky and sea w so many colours and textures. I love the 2000s and funny blob shapes and y2k’s obsession w secondary colours and shiny round things. Love pink. I am a grown adult who will never tire of pink. (Though I don’t really like when people overdo pink.) I love cursed image family photos taken with flash in a suburb. I love the grime and the sanitary aesthetic of suburbs and hospitals and brutalist office spaces. The fluorescent lights of the institution but with purple carpeting!

I love 70s mod and I love colorful 80s brutalism I like it when houses are shaped weirdly and they have carpets and polished curved wooden countertops and spacious nothingness where everything looks clean and cosy and bizarrely ugly and it all looks like an art gallery w too many plants.

I also really love maximalism and wood and detail and fur and velvet and embroidery and silk and windows and wood carvings.

I love 70s kitsch like John waters movies and Shrimps designer fake fur CDG17 where they just piled on knickknack after knickknack onto white dresses w food long trains. Toys and novelty items and lamps shaped like a woman’s leg in a fishnet stocking. (See also: most Tim burton movies, wes Anderson, Carrie fishers house)

An overwhelming mishmash of wool patterns with clean cubic 70s architecture and so many plants and windows and wallpaper and candles and cobwebs. Also really like witchy mourning jewelry and essentially every house in Harry potter. Love the unfortunately racist boho/hippie aesthetic. Any house designed by bill kirsch is a masterpiece. Woven baskets on the ceiling piles of hats and art supplies everywhere. Stuff!! Everywhere! Hidden passageways reading nooks fireplaces the Pink Palace from Coraline!

Everything!!!

I’m a cartoonist who’s a nerd for design so I like when concepts are taken to the extreme in a humourously charming and clear-minded way. Whatever aesthetic someone chooses, they should go all out and really dedicate themselves to the highest form of that aesthetic. It has to be perfect without being sanitary of fake. It has to be alive yet beautiful, frozen in one perfect moment.

10. Favourite time of day and why?

Dusk. I think it’s a nostalgia thing. I loved the hours before bed time as well the hours before dinner when it was getting dark and the sun was reflecting freaky colours along the horizon while I ran around the grass. It’s cozy but it’s spacious and adventurous. So many things can happen at dusk!



11. You have the choice to live in any fictional universe - which one do you pick and why?

Harry Potter!!! You get the best of both worlds: magical, over-romanticised Victorian/medievalism, wish-fulfillment surrealism and wifi. It’s great. Likelihood of dying is so low, medicine is so advanced and even then ppls n°1 choice of lethal weapon (Avada Kedavra) is painless. Me and Luna could hang in her garden. I’d never have to pay for the subway again. I could live a nomadic life in a tent w infinite space. If you chose to live as a wizard amongst Muggles you’re basically god and you can cheat capitalism. Gravity is my bitch! And I’m not gna lie my dream house has always been a combination of The Burrow, the Lovegood house, and Shell Cottage.

My turn to pick your brain:

1 Favourite texture?

2 Favourite smell?

3 Favourite children’s book/children’s TV show? (I’m talking about the bizarre abstract ones for toddlers)

4 Best and worst prank you’ve ever pulled?

5 Weirdest beginning of a friendship?

6 When you’ve been in fandom for a while you start to notice you’ve a habit of staying in the same corners. What corner are you in? Are you part of the fluffy ship corner? The intense world building spec meta corner? The shitpost comic fanart corner? Etc

7 If you could invent a class that would be obligatory for all high schools across your country what would it be?

8 What’s the weirdest thing you’ve gotten at Halloween while trick or treating?

9 Weirdest family tradition of yours?

10 Describe your significant other (or your crush, or your dream partner or if you’re aromantic your fave person) through only TV references.

11 Favourite piece of dialogue in a movie?

I don’t know 11 ppl but nonetheless tagging: @that-guy-in-the-bowler-hat @skairheart @nochangenohope @eventheslightestrayofsunshine@autistic-jaredkleinman@phoenixkluke

…and YOU (if you were not mentioned above and so choose to accept this mission)

[ramajmedia]

10 Things From The Little Mermaid That Have Aged Poorly

The Little Mermaid is one of Disney's most successful films of all time. It's filled with gorgeous animation and an incredibly catchy soundtrack that will have you singing "Part of Your World" for hours on end. But although this film is loaded with excellent cinematic content, there are a whole bunch of elements inside the Disney film that have aged quite poorly over the years since its initial release.

RELATED: 10 Little Mermaid Logic Memes That Are Too Hilarious For Words

What are some of the reasons why this film hasn't aged as well as we would hope for? Read the list below to find out!

10 A WOMAN SHOULD GIVE UP HER VOICE FOR A MAN

The message behind The Little Mermaid is pretty loud and clear. Disney seems to comfortably promote the idea that a woman should accept the fact that if she wants to find true love, she must first get rid of her voice. That's pretty much as sexist as it can possibly get, folks. Ursula even says it herself in "Poor Unfortunate Souls" when she sings, "On land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word." The worst part is, Ariel is willing to sacrifice it all for a man she hasn't even met.

RELATED: The 10 Most Anticipated Upcoming Movie Musicals

To make matters even worse, the little mermaid's voice is her most cherished talent. She loves singing more than anything but she won't be able to do that anymore because she has to make things work with the first dude she sets her eyes on.

9 YOU SHOULD TOTALLY MARRY A DUDE YOU JUST MET

Ariel and Eric get married after a couple of dates. Oh, and they also never had a single conversation before deciding to tie the knot. Sounds like the set-up to an everlasting bond and connection for better or worse, right kids? Right? Wrong! This common Disney trope has been actively debunked by more recent Disney Princess movies such as Frozen, Tangled, and Enchanted.

RELATED: Frozen 2: 10 Things You Missed In The Trailer

Frozen even goes so far to include the line "You can't marry a man you just met." Right on. If a Disney movie were to come out today with the prince and princess getting married after a couple of hours of knowing each other, it would most likely be pitted as old fashioned as well as outdated.

8 YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY GET MARRIED AT SIXTEEN

You could argue that The Little Mermaid takes place in a different era when getting married at an earlier age was more common and acceptable, but this is clearly an '80s movie, y'all. Just take a look at Ariel's hairstyle. Does that look like the kind of hairstyle a woman in the 1800s would have? What about those giveaway shoulder pads?

Most kids don't know the history of marriage throughout the ages so why would they have our girl Ariel get married at the age where she'd be a sophomore in high school? Ariel should be finishing up Driver's Ed, not picking out wedding cakes! Why couldn't they just bump up her age by a couple of years? If she were eighteen it would still be kind of creepy, but at least she would be considered an adult. She's not even old enough yet to see a rated-R movie, let alone marry a man she knows absolutely nothing about.

7 BEING A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSWOMAN MAKES YOU EVIL

It's becoming more and more apparent as we get older that Ursula was not the evil sea witch we once perceived her to be as children. Ursula tells Ariel exactly what to expect within their mutually agreed upon bargain deal and the little mermaid signs a contract where she clearly accepts this offer. Ursula has been straight up the whole time about how things will play out. Ursula also subscribes to the belief that a woman's voice is much more powerful than her physical appearance which is why Ariel loses her voice as opposed to her figure.

RELATED: The 6 Best (And 4 Worst) Disney Couples

The Sea Witch is simply a successful businesswoman who understands how the real world works. When she sings "she who holds her tongue gets the man," this turns out to be accurate in the film. Eric falls madly in love with Ariel when she no longer has a voice...  and she ends up getting the man.

6 GIVE UP YOUR WHOLE LIFE AND FAMILY TO BE WITH A HOT GUY

Not only does Ariel give up her voice and her fins, but she gives up her entire life to be with a stranger. Her entire family lives down in the sea including her father and her (many) sisters. Ariel doesn't even send a quick goodbye text. She's out of the sea as fast as possible so she can fulfill her true destiny of macking on some blue-eyed stud. Doesn't she care about her family at all? What about Flounder? What about Sebastian?

The morals in this Disney classic are just riddled with issues that would never fly in today's day and age. Hopefully, the remake will fix up these problematic elements.

5 "UNDER THE SEA" PROMOTES RACIAL STEREOTYPES

Unfortunately, the cheery song we'd sing along to throughout childhood is chock full of racial stereotypes. The whole point of the song is for Sebastian to convince Ariel that being lazy while under the sea is a much better lifestyle than working on the land. He sings the lyrics "Up on the shore they work all day, out in the sun they slave away."

His character is indicating that life is much better when you don't have to put in any effort, a racial stereotype for his character who is clearly Jamaican. The rest of the fish in the scene are the only characters in the film who are not white and they are all condoning the belief that life is better when you don't have to work. Lame move, Disney. Lame move.

4 URSULA'S BADASS TRAITS PERCEIVED AS EVIL

Because the sea witch is meant to be the villain of the film, we are supposed to go against everything she stands for and perceive all of her traits as "evil." Her traits as a woman include (but are not limited to): strong, outspoken, opinionated, brilliant, and independent. She is also a total workaholic. This is supposed to allude to the actions of an evil woman, according to Disney.

RELATED: 10 Clueless Quotes That Will Have You Totally Bugging

Ariel, on the other hand, teaches us that in order for a woman to be perceived as alluring, she must "hold her tongue" while simultaneously looking beautiful at all times. She is the protagonist, so we are meant to learn from her actions rather than the sea witch. Isn't that kind of sort of (incredibly) problematic?

3 A SERIOUS LACK OF FEMALE DIALOGUE

When The Little Mermaid was released in the 1980s, a good chunk of people percieved Ariel's character as progressive for a Disney Princess because unlike the princesses before her, Ariel actually has her own dreams and desires while actively pursuing them. Even if those desires revolved around a man, at least we're getting to see a princess rebel against "the system" in order to get what she wants out of life.

Yet despite the initial praise, The Little Mermaid was the first of many Disney Princess movies to have significantly less female dialogue as opposed to male dialogue. Even though the titular character is female, 68% of the movie's dialogue goes to the male characters. What's up with that?

2 SEXUALIZED DISNEY PRINCESSES

Ariel is considered to be the most sexualized Disney Princess due to the way she is drawn out by animators. She is only sixteen years old yet this doesn't change the fact that she has been designed in a manner that doesn't feel appropriate to both her age and the age of viewership that this film caters to.

Her body proportions are also extremely unrealistic to what most women look like in real life, which could lead to insecurities and poor body image issues within viewers.

1 KING TRITON IS THE WORST FATHER EVER

For some reason we are supposed to side with King Triton in this film and see him as some sort of Albus Dumbledore type with his endless wisdom. Yet after watching the film, you can swiftly come to the conclusion that King Triton is an overprotective father with serious anger issues. He knows how much his daughter adores all her "thingamabobs" aka "muggle items."

Yet despite the fact that collecting these shore-gadgets is her passion, Triton goes ahead and destroys her whole collection in an effort to teach Ariel a lesson. Doesn't he know that this sort of thing will only provoke a teenage girl to rebel even more against him? He has a bunch of other teenage daughters, so he should definitely know this by now.

NEXT: The Little Mermaid: 10 Biggest Changes Disney Made To The Original Fairy Tale

source https://screenrant.com/things-little-mermaid-disney-movie-aged-poorly/

[mdwatchestv]

Game of Thrones 7x05: Suicide Squad

Gather children for it is time for ye old Game of Thrones. We got people zippin all up and around this great land of Westeros, just zappin from one side of the world to the other. I guess they finally unlocked all the fast travel check points on the main map. After last week's dragon battle we are back to our regularly scheduled plotting and planning. Plans were planned, revelations revealed, and players travelled around the board at rapid pace. So let's break down everything we learned and bore witness to this week!

First off it is immediately revealed that Jaime and Bronn survived their dive into the drink and conveniently floated a short distance away out of harm's way. I had thought they would perhaps be taken prisoner by the Dragon Queen herself, but turns out they were able to (swim?) to safety just in time. But not all of the Lannister Army were so lucky, and the notably downtrodden survivors were marched in front of Dany's congregation. Dany offers the singed soldiers a "choice" to either bend the knee (her fav) or meet with fiery death. This is about as much of a choice as cake or death, but those pesky Tarlys opt for death rather than defect their loyalty. We hardly knew ye Tom Hopper and now you are ash. RIP Tarlys. Tyrion is notably disturbed by this turn of events, even though Dany claims to be a benevolent ruler she is exerting her rule in the new land by using fear rather than mercy. For Tyrion this iron fist approach to conquering feels a little too reminiscent of Cersei or the Mad King for comfort. Although Dany clearly sees herself as the tough but fair type, Tyrion is still left wondering where he is going to draw a morality line in the sand. This is still a guy who killed his old man on the shitter though, so I think he can grant Dany some wiggle room for now at least.

After dealing out some fire and brimstone justice Dany jets back to Dragonstone and meets up with Jon who is back brooding on his brooding cliff. Khaly K lands her giant sky lizard in front of Jon and what does this fool do? He reaches out to pet that scaly monster like it's the only cat at a house party. Not only is this a nice friendship moment (let's keep it platonic here people), but it seems like Drogon has also gotten the memo and is acknowledging Jon's true lineage (more on that later obviously). As always there's a lot of beautiful storytelling being done in the mise-en-scène, and I particularly liked Dany's fur-lined gown which hinted at her newfound Stark alliance.   Anyway Jon gets the memo from Winterfell that Bran the Seer of Sucktown has seen the Night King's Army descending rapidly on the Wall and he gots to go. Dany's war council decides that, rather than finishing off Cersei in a blast of magma and death, they are going to negotiate an armistice with the Lannisters in order to focus on the undead. To be perfectly honest I wasn't 100% clear on why we are doing this and not just invading King's Landing, but whatever. The new game plan is to go North of the Wall, kidnap a zombie solider, and bring it back to King's Landing to show Cersei. Again, not totally sure what the most desired outcome here is, Cersei surrender? Ceseri alliance? Cersei go into the corner and be quiet? I feel like even when confronted with a wiggling, murderous, undead corpse Cersei is not going to play nice with the new kids. Look, I'm not totally sold, but please don't bring a zombie to my apartment in order to convince me. 

First step of this new plan is to establish communication with the inhabitants of the Red Keep. This plan has a lot of steps, and I am already exhausted by it. But Ser Davos gamely smuggles Tyrion to have a bro-to-bro chat in the Dragon Skeleton Room and talk living dead. While Tyrion and Jaime exercise their dramatic acting muscles, Ser Davos goes to casually pick up GENDRY. When Joe Dempsie's name popped up in the opening credits I shrieked like a banshee for I knew the day had finally come for Gendry to return unto us. If you recall (and how could you not) last time we saw good old Gendry he was rowing away from Dragonstone after Melisandre attempted to assassinate him for his sweet, sweet royal blood. Many a meme has been made surmising old Gendry has just been rowing around aimlessly for the past 4 season to one day wash up on the shores of plot once more. Well today is that day, and boyfriend has been in King's Landing THE WHOLE TIME. He just went right back to blacksmithing and has been hammering away drama-free for YEARS. I am not even mad though, I am just happy to have Chris Gendry back in my life. Welcome back young man.

Jaime and Tyrion have a semi-productive secret conference, productive in the sense they effectively communicate their ideas to one another, not productive in the sense that it is in any way a secret. Cersei lets Jaime know she is on to his sneaky shit, and then drops the bomb she is pregnant with his baby and doesn't care who knows it. This emotional assault of intimate news sandwiched between two scary threats binds Jaime even more tightly to Cersei. However one does have to wonder if Cersei is truly carrying a child or simply attempting to secure one of her last remaining loyalties. Only time and fashion will tell. Boy, she’s a scary hugger. 

Step number one of the 50 Step Zombie Plan completed, Davos, Gendry and Tyrion zoop back to Dragonstone where Gendry is introduced to Jon Snow. Their dads were friends, they're both bastards, they're bros, good times, let's get on the boat and hammer some zombies, wham bam thank you Sam. Except, wait, hold on, I'm getting a breaking news alert- let's cut to our correspondent Gilly for more on this developing story.

"Hello yes, this is Gilly reporting live from The Citadel. I am reading a book about steps, shits, and various other statistical sundries and I have just come across a word I don't know. That word is annulled, and it is next to another word which looks like a name, and that name is-"

GREAT JOB GILLY NOW SHUT YOUR BIG LADY MOUTH. As you clearly heard here first it looks like Jon Snow is NOT A BASTARD, I repeat, NOT A BASTARD. But seriously, while Sam is busy feeling sorry for himself Gilly stumbles upon a pretty major narrative bomb that Sam proceeds to COMPLETELY ignore. Samwell really blew the chance to be one of (arguably two) characters who know the truth of Jon's lineage. What Gilly discovers is that Rhaegar Targaryan (aka Jon's real dad) annulled his marriage to Elia Martell and was remarried to, presumably, Lyanna Stark (Jon's real mom). Now we knew that R+L=J, but this new info means that Jon is NOT a bastard! He is a legitimate son! And most important the REAL HEIR TO THE IRON THRONE. Sorry bout it Khaly K, but if we are going by Targaryan inheritance rules it's all Jon all the time. Not that this matters much to Jon, he's going North of the Wall to get a zombie pet, obviously.

Before we get to the Zombie Acquisition and Retrieval Task Force (ZARTF) and it's many members, let's skip on back to Winterfell. Game of Thrones characters can apparate all over the map, and so can I. Back on the ranch Arya is growing increasingly suspicious of Sansa's potential ulterior motives. So much for a happy sister reunion. Arya thinks she is being super clever following Littlefinger around and getting proof he and Sansa are secretly attempting to overthrow Jon. But Arya's been gone a minute and she has forgotten she is not the creepiest creep in the creeper anymore. Yes Arya learned some sick skills from no one, and can wear other people's faces, but Lord Baelish has been perfecting his spy game since before she was born. Baelish plants an incriminating letter written by Sansa for Arya to find (like come on Arya you think Lord Petyr Baelish hides shit in his mattress? Girl) hoping to further drive a wedge between them. Littlefinger knows that a Sansa without allies is a Sansa ripe to be preyed upon, because he’s gross and a predator. Hopefully Arya will figure this out and rather than lash out at Sansa instead form a positive bond of sisterhood with her. Hopefully.

As you can see a lot of plot happened, there were revelations, machinations, and congregations. A plan to kidnap a member of the walking dead was hatched and set into rapid motion. Jon does not pass Winterfell, and does not collect $200, but rather hops right up to the Wall where he assembles an A-team coalition of male supporting characters who are all vaguely the same. ZARTF ROLL CALL:

Jon Snow! Ginger Beard! The Hound! Ole One Eye! Top Knot McGregor! Papa Jorah! Gendry!

None of them really like each other, and certainly more than one is going to die. TBH I would be fine with losing any of them except Ginger Beard (I just love him okay). Next week they're going on a zombie hunt, they're gonna catch a big one etc etc.

Stuff I didn't get to:

Chronic quitter and non-listener Sam peaces out of the Citadel 

Daddy Jorah came home!

MVP: Gilly

XO MD

Bonus Daddy time:

[themurphyzone]

Spend the Day with Someone You Love Ch 4

My friends are insane. In one Skype chat we went from discussing Storm in the Room to posting Invader Zim memes with “You lie!” in big letters. At least they’re just as excited for the new Tangled series as I am! 

Ch 4 - Love is a Song that Never Ends (Whether this is Sweet or Annoying is Entirely Subjective)

“I am very disappointed in you both,” Balthazar paced back and forth in front of Vinnie and Arohbeohte. Vinnie feigned interest, popping a piece of dark chocolate in his mouth. Arohbeohte watched an old lady feed squirrels, snapping back to attention when Balthazar cleared his throat. “Arohbeohte, you made it more difficult to cover our tracks. Sometimes property damage is an inevitable factor in certain operations, but you almost destroyed an innocent family’s house. If they are not holding pistachios hostage, then we leave them alone. We cannot risk discovery. Is that understood?”  

Arohbeohte nodded. 

“Vinnie, you neglected to inform Arohbeohte about why her behavior is unacceptable. This is going to reflect badly on us when we report to headquarters,” Balthazar said. 

“You mean if you report it,” Vinnie suggested. “If makes it so you have a choice in the matter, but when is definite.”

Balthazar’s anger drained for a moment. “You may be onto something. Maybe I can just fabricate a report and blame her behavior on faulty engineering.”

“Or you don’t put effort in at all,” Vinnie said. “They shove all the reports they receive into the garbage bin. Never bothered reading them.” 

Balthazar’s mouth dropped open, arms flailing as he struggled to find the correct words to express his outrage. All the time I’ve spent writing extremely detailed accounts for future protectors to peruse, wasted, he thought. He shook his head. He could lament later. There were more pressing issues in the present.

“I’m getting off topic,” Balthazar said. “As much as I want to let out all my steam and you and Arohbeohte, it can wait until after we secure the pistachios at the mall. Now, the mall will be busy since it’s a weekend, so getting around will be difficult, especially with a giant robot in tow.”

“It’s also Valentine’s Day! Which means half-price chocolate sundaes!” Vinnie exclaimed, giving a high-five to Arohbeohte. 

“Valentine’s Day?” Balthazar looked at his watch. Feb 14, 21st century. Your horoscope today: The planet Venus burns in the 3rd house. Just kiss already, idiot. You don’t need this astronomy junk for love., it read. “That blasted holiday?”

“I just like it for the candy,” Vinnie shrugged. “Making a day all about love is pretty awesome though. What do you think, Arohbeohte?”

Arohbeohte thought for a moment, then began to flatten the grass with her feet. She stomped out a crude circle, bending down to carve a smiley face in the center. Then she drew a giant rectangle with the letter ‘P’ on it. Straightening to her full height, she created a torso with two spiky protrusions on the sides. Finally, Arohbeohte added two circles on the bottom, then pointed to the drawing.

“Is that you? Looks good for abstract,” Vinnie commented. Arohbeohte shook her head, though no letters came loose thankfully.

“I’ve seen 2 year olds draw better on nursery walls,” Balthazar grumbled. 

Vinnie elbowed him. “Come on, Balthy, be nice.”

“How many times have I told you to never call me that?” Balthazar glared. 

Vinnie shrugged. “I dunno, once, maybe twice. I forget. So Arohbeohte, who is this? A parent, sibling, friend, or none of the above?”

Arohbeohte drew a heart and a question mark next to the robot, then shrugged. 

“So, you’re in love with another robot but can’t figure out to say it?” Vinnie asked. Arohbeohte nodded, then hid her head in her massive hands. “Well, just say it! Wait, you can’t talk. That complicates stuff if there’s a lack of communication.” 

“As interesting as a robot’s romantic woes are, we need to-where did you get that phone book from?” Balthazar stared at Vinnie, who was quickly flipping through the pages with interest. 

“Well, it’s hard to explain it to Arohbeohte with just words,” Vinnie said. “What’s the phone number for the Danville chapter of the Backup Singers Union?” 

“Why don’t you just get the Swamp City branch? They’ll be here much faster. And cheaper too,” Balthazar suggested. 

“Quality over quantity. Oh, here it is,” Vinnie said, pulling out his cell phone and dialing a number. “Hello, Backup SIngers Union? Oh, they’re busy today? Never mind then. Thank you.” Vinnie hung up. “They’re booked solid. Something about all the singers doing a gig for some pharmacist. They say he pays well.” 

“That’s a shame. A musical number would have been good exercise,” Balthazar said. 

“I have another idea. Arohbeohte, can you do this?” Vinnie made a heart with his hands, and Arohbeohte tried copying him. She could only form them into a circle. Arohbeohte carefully picked Vinnie up so he was sitting comfortably on one massive palm. “Now, I want you to put your thumbs together and point them down,” he said, scrambling for her wrist when the surface began to tilt. “Like this,” he awkwardly managed to make a triangular shape while he was gripping the metal tightly. “Good! Now curl the rest of your fingers and put them together!” he grinned, finishing the heart shape. Arohbeohte copied him, raising her hands to her eye and peeking through it. 

“That’s perfect! Now just form the heart the next time you see your crush! I’m sure they’ll understand! Balthazar, catch me!” Vinnie offered a thumbs-up, then suddenly jumped off her wrist. 

Balthazar dove forward in his attempt to catch Vinnie, tripping over a rock and hitting the ground face-first. He yelped as he felt something incredibly heavy crush his spine. Moaning in pain, he turned around to glare at Vinnie, tapping his fingers on the ground in annoyance. Vinnie laughed sheepishly. “Thanks for being the throw pillow.”

“Don’t mention it,” Balthazar stood up, dusting himself off. “We’ve wasted enough time. Let’s just get to-” he caught sight of two teenagers wandering around, appearing to search for something. The boy pointed to them, and Balthazar’s brain went into panic mode. “Our position’s compromised! Abort mission!” he fled, realizing that Vinnie and Arohbeohte were running in opposite directions. 

At least the teens lost interest in them. Balthazar was glad the boy in the sweatervest hadn’t followed them. He and Vinnie tended to lose their pistachio stands for some reason when they did business with that guy. 

He was able to track Arohbeohte down easily, her massive size making it hard to blend in the city. He sat on her shoulder, holding on to a protrusion that extended from her neck. “Let’s find Vinnie,” he told her. “Locate the nearest street vendor.” 

Arohbeohte’s eyes glowed green, scanning the city. Then she took off towards a side street, finding Vinnie paying for his food at a bratwurst stand. “Man, bratwurst street vendors need more appreciation,” Vinnie said, stepping onto Arohbeohte’s hand. Balthazar rolled his eyes. He would never understand these constant detours for food. 

“Let’s just get to the mall,” Balthazar said.

When they arrived, Arohbeohte reduced the size of her limbs and torso so that she was human-sized. The pistachio stand folded into a compartment on her head. Balthazar wished he’d known that earlier. It would’ve saved so much grief. 

“Mama! Mama, what is that thing?” a young girl shrieked, pointing at Arohbeohte. She hugged her pink stuffed poodle tightly in case Arohbeohte would snatch it out of her arms. 

Balthazar held Arohbeohte’s arm, silently warning her to not make any sudden movements. 

“Chloe, don’t point. That’s rude. Now apologize,” the mother chided. She shot Balthazar and Vinnie an apologetic look. “Sorry about my daughter. She can be a handful sometimes.” 

“It’s cool. Don’t worry about it too much,” Vinnie shrugged. “Chloe, right?” 

“Sorry,” Chloe lowered her head, studying the ground. “I didn’t want to sound mean.” 

Vinnie smiled. “Do you want to meet Arohbeohte? She likes people.” 

“Um, sure?” Chloe slowly approached Arohbeohte. “Hi?” 

Balthazar pulled Vinnie aside. “Is allowing that child to be so close to Arohbeohte really a good idea?” he whispered, glancing over his shoulder. Chloe was just teaching Arohbeohte patty cake for now. 

“She’s fine. The more social interaction Arohbeohte gets, the better,” Vinnie said. “Are you worried about what headquarters might say?” 

“What?” Balthazar yelled, wincing at his own outburst. Luckily, Chloe and her mother hadn’t noticed. He lowered his voice so that Vinnie could barely hear his response. “I just don’t want people calling her a ‘thing’,” he said, blushing. 

“So you do have a heart after all!” Vinnie smirked. “I never would’ve guessed!”

“Sh-shut up! As her mentor, it is our job to make sure that she learns to control herself so she doesn’t harm anyone, including herself,” he said, nodding to reassure himself.

“Uh-huh,” Vinnie raised an eyebrow, but said nothing else. They walked over to Chloe’s mother, watching the two play together. 

“Thanks for letting Chloe play with your-um, companion,” she trailed off. “We should really be going now.”

“Bye, miss!” Chloe waved and skipped over to her mother. They entered a department store, leaving behind Arohbeohte and the pistachio protectors. 

“Well, that’s sorted out,” Balthazar pulled out a clipboard, jotting down a few details of his plan. “It occurred to me that we can’t exactly steal the grand prize when the mall is so crowded. We’ll have to enter that contest and do our best to win. And for that we need disguises.” 

“Can I choose the disguises this time?” Vinnie asked.

“Sure. Let me make sure we have the correct currency for this time period,” Balthazar said, flipping through his wallet. He needed to make sure they didn’t pay for necessities with ancient Lydian coins again. He pulled out a crisp hundred dollar bill, handing it to Vinnie. “I’m just going to rest here. You and Arohbeohte go pick out clothing. The contest begins at 2 pm.” 

“Will do!” Vinnie said. “Come on, Arohbeohte!” 

Balthazar opened his notebook, dating the top of the page. “Finally. Now I can write a few haikus in peace,” he muttered. 

Thirty minutes later, Balthazar was staring incredulously at the yellow tropical shirt and shorts Vinnie had picked out for him. “Not my style,” he fingered the collar, grimacing. 

“You never specified,” Vinnie shrugged. He had already changed into a black T-shirt and jeans. 

“Fine. I’ll wear it, but I won’t like it,” Balthazar grumbled. “Young lady, is that any way to dress in public?” he scolded Arohbeohte, who was wearing a red tank top and a white miniskirt. 

“She’s a robot,” Vinnie pointed out. 

“Still,” Balthazar grumbled, walking into a restroom to change. 

It took a lot of persuasion and blackmail for Vinnie to coax Balthazar out of the stall. Balthazar reluctantly came out, wondering if he could an anonymous letter to whatever corporation that created gaudy tropical shirts asking them to recall their monstrosities. They headed towards the center of the mall. 

Vinnie smiled at the sight of all the couples in the mall, pointing out a pair who were gazing dreamily into each other’s eyes while sharing a chocolate sundae. “See, Arohbeohte? If you’re successful telling your crush how you feel, then you might be able to act like that too!” 

“Vinnie, don’t encourage Arohbeohte to be completely brain dead,” Balthazar warned. Arohbeohte tilted her head in confusion. 

The contest sign-up was extremely busy. Most of the participants consisted of teenagers dressed in elaborate costumes, with a few adults sprinkled in. Balthazar waited impatiently, stuck behind someone in a cartoony duck outfit that quacked with every step. 

Finally, they were called by a bored-looking attendant. “Names,” he said. 

Balthazar realized they needed cover names. Any of these people could be rival time travelers seeking the same prize. “Arthur. That fine-looking gentleman in jeans is Frank. And the young lady’s name is Rebecca.” 

“Arthur, Frank, and Rebecca,” the attendant repeated, leaning on his elbow as he wrote. “And your group name?”

“Blast! We needed a group name?,” Balthazar cursed his lack of foresight. 

“I’m putting you down as Blastweneededagroupname,” the attendant said, writing it on the entry slip. “Your entry number is 6. Good luck and all that. Next!” He handed the slip to Balthazar. 

“So, what kind of contest is it anyway?” Vinnie asked. Balthazar gave him an odd look. “Dude, don’t tell me you entered this contest without even knowing what we’re supposed to do. If it’s a beauty contest, I want out.” 

Arohbeohte pointed to a flyer. “Let’s see,” Balthazar said, scanning it. He froze. “Re-enact a love scene from any famous movie, TV show, or Broadway play?” he said, indignantly. “Can’t they just hold a raffle like normal people?” 

 “’Participants will be judged for acting and presentation by a panel of three judges. Please be aware that children are watching, so keep everything G-rated. Phantom of the Opera-based performances are banned due to last year’s incident that consisted of a bully, a diaper, and a chandelier. Thank you!’” Vinnie read. “After this blows over, you wanna travel to last year’s contest and see this incident?” 

“I’m having second thoughts,” Balthazar muttered. “We won’t win anything in presentation points.”

“So we need to come up with something that involves all three of us, right?” Vinnie asked. “Here’s my plan.”

Ch 4 is finally done! Hope y’all enjoyed!

[jhaswillwood-blog]

WHY MODERN FEMINISM IS BECOMING AS FRUSTRATING FOR SOME OF US WOMEN AS IT IS FOR SOME MEN.

Some time around the Summer of 2009, I decided that college was not for me. I was unfocused, easily distracted, bored and even worse- I was failing. I remained on academic probation and lacked any real desire to get out of the hole that I had created for myself. Rather than continue to waste money on single, three-hundred-dollar books and four-thousand-dollar classes, I opted to leave and begin working a part-time job. I moved back home and found a job as a pre-school teacher in a daycare that was conveniently within minutes from the house I shared with my mom and teenaged brother.

Completely unqualified for the position as well as lacking any real ambition to do better, I remained employed: not because I was good at my job or loved children. I stayed for the purpose of making money that I could burn at my leisure and making friendships with other teachers who were in my peer group. For the most part, I was successful. Almost to a fault, I have always been social and found getting along with others to be quite easy. So making friends was a cake walk.

Save for one teacher.

I tried everything to get her to like me, but much to my frustration, I discovered it to be impossible. My problem lied not so much within the fact that she didn’t care for me, instead I became deeply troubled with how frequently she went out of her way to express it through bullying. Once, completely flustered by her obvious disdain for my presence alone, I mentioned it to a co-worker. After laying out all of the recent events and numerous examples, my eyes filled with tears and I confessed, “I just don’t know WHY she hates me so much.” My friend, equally perplexed, thought carefully for a moment before she offered, “I’m not sure either, Jhas. I do know that, supposedly, she used to be bullied really badly in high school. Maybe now that she’s past that phase, she feels like she can do it to others.”

Lightbulb.

Of course! Why didn’t I see it before? It all made sense. Having been on the receiving end of bullying in my own high school years, I understood completely. There is a cycle; and often this cycle ends with the one who was once a victim becoming aggressive; attacking everything that could remotely SEEM like it might create the slightest opposition. Even when there is no ill-intent, “This will never hurt me again!” remains the thought process. Makes sense right? Of course it does!

That’s why, long before the #MeToo movement took the world by storm, I was, then, and still remain proud of my sisters.

My sisters: women who decided that enough is enough. That no longer will we be defined by trivial things such as the texture, style or cut of our hair, how much or how little melanin our skin holds nor will we be treated solely as the eye candy of the board meeting as if our brains lack the capacity to be the more attractive quality of ourselves. As the product of a closely-knit, predominantly matriarchal family, full of strong, black, single women: I was signed up for such a movement long before I was born, without ever once officially choosing to ’sign up’.

My ancestors, my mother, my aunts, my grandmothers and cousins, both past and present, have all made the decision to wait for no one. To make their own choices. To walk and live in strength, dignity and whatever consequences: good or bad came from their own decision-making. I come from a people who have lived and died by the protest. America is a nation built on the results of a protest. Black men, women and children have only made the progress that we have, as the result of countless protests.

In life, standing one's ground is non-negotiable. Re-writing rules is paramount. Without re-defining norms, there can be no growth, no change, no forward motion in society or personal development.

But there is a gap; A crack where the women who have chosen to do things ‘differently’ in terms of ‘tradition’ have fallen through.

In June of 2017, model, mother and ‘Slutwalk' movement creator Amber Rose, affectionately known by her followers as ‘Muva’, released a picture (which was quickly deleted by management) onto the social media site Instagram. In the racy shot, the model who has established her fan-base due to vocalizing her controversial viewpoints on feminism, equality and "sex-positivity”, is lying on a staircase, covered in body oil, baring her crotch. As expected, the picture received some backlash. However, I was surprised at the incredible amount of praise it received as well.

Simply because just two years prior to this, Ayesha Curry, mother, chef and wife of famed NBA player Stephen Curry, released a tweet saying “Everyone’s into barely wearing clothes these days huh? Not my style. I like to keep the good stuff covered up for the one who matters.” The difference? Like Amber Rose’s post, it too, gave rise to passionate responses from the masses. But UNLIKE Amber’s, most of it was met negatively. In fact, what followed was an onslaught of ‘slut shaming memes’ that used Ayesha Curry’s face to declare nasty, unfounded, hate messages toward women who choose to bare all.

It was here that I found myself confused.

Both women expressed two opposing viewpoints. Both women work hard at their own distinct careers, with separate agendas while simultaneously fighting to change the narrative for women everywhere.  What could have made one right and the other a complete ‘betrayer of women everywhere’ (as I saw one young lady write in the comment section of Ayesha Curry’s post)?

Much like Ayesha Curry, I, too, come from a christo-centric faith background where modesty is viewed as honorable and valued. While I have grown to appreciate all women regardless of what they choose to do with their bodies, I wonder why I am not awarded the same grace.

As a female radio-dj in a male driven industry, it is a blessing to be able to say that my audience is primarily female-based. I am able to connect with my lady listeners in a way that my male co-host cannot. I get to encourage them, support them and speak for them in areas that they may feel like their voices are silenced. This is a job that I do not take lightly. I feel grateful to have such an opportunity. I only feel frustrated when, those moments arise where should I disagree with the behavior of a woman, I am accused of being 'against my fellow ladies'.

I understand that we women have been the victim for a long time. But to become the bully now, especially to other women who see purity, fulfillment and self worth differently than we do, will never result in a positive outcome. The woman who chooses to serve her husband, stay home and raise her family is no less a woman than the 9 to 5 gal with three degrees in business, marketing and communications. Each woman has a lot to teach the other. I’d like to think that Jay-Z said it best: “No one wins when the family feuds.”

As a career-woman who has never had sex before and is saving her virginity for her husband only, I absolutely feel judged these days. A popular instagram account named “recipes for self love” (@recipesforselflove) created a post with a caption stating “The idea of virginity is rooted in heteronormativity and religious tradition that pretty much sees women as objects and child bearers.” To this I argued that women can have sex without being hoes just as they can also choose to NOT have sex without it belonging to a tradition that only objectifies women and treating them as child bearers; and both categories of these women can be feminists.”

Feminism, by definition, is the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes. This means that being a feminist and fighting for equality, is completely doable while letting women be women in all of their facets including ones who want to remain covered up, not strip and be stay at home moms. It does not ONLY apply to the women who want to have sex without stings, not shave their armpits and proudly flaunt their underweight, average weight or overweight naked bodies in the name of self-love. This also includes me. Even me, as my virginal, Jesus-loving, sexy, black girl magic having, educated, career-driven self. I am for all women; not just the ones who have backgrounds mirroring mine but also including those whose background directly contradict mine. I am, however, frustrated with the judgement that comes from opting to NOT show parts of myself on the internet.

My desire is that women can both empower and be empowered without suddenly creating a habit of only putting down the ones who do NOT work at strip clubs. Just as we should have NEVER put down the ones that do.

It’s only once we accomplish this, that we won’t have to be the victim OR the bully in any arena.

[tune-collective]

13 Times Rihanna Showed Off Her Rap Skills

13 Times Rihanna Showed Off Her Rap Skills

When Kendrick Lamar shared the track list for his new album DAMN. earlier this week, fans and critics immediately started wondering about his collaboration with Rihanna (upstaged perhaps only by the sight of a then-puzzling U2 feature).

The Rihanna song, aptly titled “LOYALTY.,” sparked many memes, which referenced an “awkward” run-in between Rihanna and Lamar’s rumored rival Drake.

“Kendrick Lamar Ft Rihanna – ..LOYALTY” pic.twitter.com/h8imD2NQSX

— Rellington Beats (@TyRellington) April 11, 2017

  Jokes aside, the rollout of the Compton emcee’s latest on Friday (April 14) definitely delivered on the hype, with Rihanna’s appearance being just part of the mass conversation about the project.

RiRi’s feature is another reminder that she possesses the ability to ebb and flow between rapping and singing, succeeding in bringing her Bad Gal persona to life every time. Her bars always come at her most braggadocious moments, sometimes carrying the flagrant fire of Lil’ Kim or Future. Inspired by her mentor and idol Jay Z, Rihanna has had an extensive history of rapping on her songs since Good Girl Gone Bad and subsequent acknowledgements as the Princess of Hip-Hop and R&B.

Here are 13 examples of her wearing that crown:

“Lemme Get That” (2007)

After releasing softer dancehall and pop with R&B uptempos and ballads on her first two studio albums, “Lemme Get That” became the first example of Rihanna spitting on wax like a true emcee. On Good Girl Gone Bad, the singer manages to drop bars about gold-digging (“I bought me a Benz, you buy me the yacht/ A girl need a lot, the girl need some stocks/ Bonds is what I got, bonds is what I got”). Backed by a snare-powered and trumpet-enhanced beat, the singer received help from hip-hop’s biggest pop playmakers — Timbaland, Jay Z and the song’s hypeman, The-Dream — to pen the lines. Their creation could have worked very well as an answer to Kanye West’s “Gold Digger.”

“Wait Your Turn” (2009)

Marketed as a promotional single for her darkest studio album to date, Rated R, the football alluding “Wait Your Turn” infuses Rihanna’s rapping with a dubstep instrumental. The singer opens her first verse boasting about her greatness (“there’s so much power in my name/ if you pop off and you say it/ stadium gon’ do the wave”), before making one of her most notorious claims: “I’m such a fucking lady.” 

“Hard” (2009)

Backed by trap royalty Jeezy, Rihanna punches harder with Rated R‘s track successor to “Wait Your Turn.” With bars such as “never lying, truth-teller/ that Rihanna reign just won’t let up,” the singer earned an edgier street cred on radio. She blazes her second verse with a quadruplet rhyme scheme attacking her nemesis (“All up on it, know you want to clone it/ Ain’t like me, that chick too phony/ Ride this beat, beat, beat like a pony/ Meet me at the top, top, top, getting lonely”). Alongside Beyoncé’s “Diva,” this song became one of the premier examples of early trap&B ruling radio stations. 

“Raining Men” (2010)

Rihanna has even dabbled in hip-pop with some help from the scene’s leading enforcer, Nicki Minaj. On the Weather Girls-inspired track from the cheery LP Loud, Rihanna and Minaj rap about their dime (perfect ten) appeal and men being disposable. The lead artist takes shots at men’s intelligence with the lines “All you need to know that I’m a 2 times 5/ load it, cock it, aim it baby, boom bye bye/ set your standards lower baby you’re aiming too high/ matter of fact your friend looks better, so goodbye.” 

“Who’s That Chick” (2010)

The superstar has also brought rapping to her Euro-dancepop side. We can’t forget how Rihanna switches her flow in this David Guetta-produced electro club banger. Her flow goes from Ke$ha-style pop-rap to Cockney vernacular to American southern grit in a matter of seconds. Although the song was a moderate success on the Billboard Hot 100 (a peak of No. 51), Rihanna’s spitting about being an international magnet for attention helped the song reach the top 10 overseas. 

“Cockiness (Love It)” (2011)

As one of the standouts on the sexually-charged Talk That Talk, “Cockiness” started a period where Rihanna as an occasional rapper started to become second nature for radio. The song’s overtly sexual rap-singing (“I want you to be my sex slave/ anything that I desire/ be one with my femin-ay/ set my whole body on fire”) and punny innuendos (“suck my cockiness, lick my persuasion”) — over a Greg Kinnear sampling beat — worked as one of the singer’s edgiest sounds to grace the airwaves.  

“Birthday Cake (Remix)” (2012)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WimjkqmQy7U

Like most commercially successful rappers, Rihanna took a moment of personal chagrin and capitalized on the aftermath (and subsequent forgiveness) to offer a club banger. In the extended remix of Talk That Talk‘s little-over-a minute interlude, the singer enlisted the help of Chris Brown, much to the dismay of the general public. In the last minutes of the song, Brown starts off the third verse rapping about his share of having “cake.” Rihanna takes over with the bridge of a half-rapped, half-sung verse (many interpreted “sweeter than a rice cake, cake” as a dig at Brown’s then on-and-off again girlfriend Karrueche Tran) before dropping bars in a nursery rhyme-ish fourth verse.  

“Phresh Out the Runway” (2012)

Rihanna opened her seventh studio album, Unapologetic, by getting trappy with the production and vocals. Later on, it would become a sight to see as the future fashion icon strut on Victoria’s Secret runway spitting the lines “How could you be so hood/ but you so fucking pop/ How could you be so fun/ and sound like you selling rocks.” 

“Pour It Up” (2012)

It’d only make sense that Rihanna would rap over the answer song to Juicy J’s “Bandz a Make Her Dance.” In the feminine take of the strip club anthem, the entertainer gloats about receiving endless money and being self made. Similar to Unapologetic‘s other rap track, “Runway,” “Pour” also plays on trap Mafioso hip-hop vibes. 

“Bitch Better Have My Money” (2015)

An interesting takeaway from Kendrick Lamar’s MAD. was the lyrical reference to Rihanna’s former, scamming accountant in “FEAR.” That same accountant would become the inspiration behind the gruesome, killer music video for “Bitch Better Have My Money,” where the singer refers to the individual as “the b—-” who owes her money. Looking back on all the drama, it’s safe to say that Rihanna put out her first proper diss record — albeit, the intended subject probably wouldn’t be able to spit back a competitive response to “shit, your wife in the backseat of my brand new foreign car/ don’t act like you forgot/ I call the shots, shots, shots.” 

“Pose” (2016)

If Rihanna were a full time rapper, fashion would be one of her main topics alongside money. ANTI‘s grime and trap&B infused bonus track, “Pose,” hits upon both of those subjects as the singer finesses broken, staggered rapping into a party track that stunts on the haters. 

“Nothing Is Promised” (2016)

The industry darling paired with the penmanship of Future and the production of Mike Will Made-It to generate a hit that warns about fame and love. Feeling herself (and her success), Rihanna channels her collaborators’ energies while she discusses balling out and “never put[ting] money above” a love interest. 

“LOYALTY.” (2017) 

In her most recent effort, the self-referencing “Bad gyal RiRi” trades between rapping and singing with Kendrick Lamar — harping in on DAMN.‘s motif of reversing. The songstress’ quick mention of “I’m a natural” attests to her rap skills and how far she’s come in the submersion of hip-hop and R&B as a supergenre. It’s fitting that the song interlopes Jay Z’s turn of the millennium Roc-A-Fella Records jaunt “Get Your Mind Right Mami,” as Rihanna has remained loyal to Jay Z since she was signed under him in 2005. “LOYALTY.” also works as a 2017 spin on one of her favorite rapper’s discography, 2Pac, as the song exhibits similar thematic content over an affected West Coast beat. 

This article originally appeared on Billboard.

https://tunecollective.com/2017/04/19/13-times-rihanna-showed-off-rap-skills/

[ramajmedia]

10 Things From The Little Mermaid That Have Aged Poorly

The Little Mermaid is one of Disney's most successful films of all time. It's filled with gorgeous animation and an incredibly catchy soundtrack that will have you singing "Part of Your World" for hours on end. But although this film is loaded with excellent cinematic content, there are a whole bunch of elements inside the Disney film that have aged quite poorly over the years since its initial release.

RELATED: 10 Little Mermaid Logic Memes That Are Too Hilarious For Words

What are some of the reasons why this film hasn't aged as well as we would hope for? Read the list below to find out!

10 A WOMAN SHOULD GIVE UP HER VOICE FOR A MAN

The message behind The Little Mermaid is pretty loud and clear. Disney seems to comfortably promote the idea that a woman should accept the fact that if she wants to find true love, she must first get rid of her voice. That's pretty much as sexist as it can possibly get, folks. Ursula even says it herself in "Poor Unfortunate Souls" when she sings, "On land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word." The worst part is, Ariel is willing to sacrifice it all for a man she hasn't even met.

RELATED: The 10 Most Anticipated Upcoming Movie Musicals

To make matters even worse, the little mermaid's voice is her most cherished talent. She loves singing more than anything but she won't be able to do that anymore because she has to make things work with the first dude she sets her eyes on.

9 YOU SHOULD TOTALLY MARRY A DUDE YOU JUST MET

Ariel and Eric get married after a couple of dates. Oh, and they also never had a single conversation before deciding to tie the knot. Sounds like the set-up to an everlasting bond and connection for better or worse, right kids? Right? Wrong! This common Disney trope has been actively debunked by more recent Disney Princess movies such as Frozen, Tangled, and Enchanted.

RELATED: Frozen 2: 10 Things You Missed In The Trailer

Frozen even goes so far to include the line "You can't marry a man you just met." Right on. If a Disney movie were to come out today with the prince and princess getting married after a couple of hours of knowing each other, it would most likely be pitted as old fashioned as well as outdated.

8 YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY GET MARRIED AT SIXTEEN

You could argue that The Little Mermaid takes place in a different era when getting married at an earlier age was more common and acceptable, but this is clearly an '80s movie, y'all. Just take a look at Ariel's hairstyle. Does that look like the kind of hairstyle a woman in the 1800s would have? What about those giveaway shoulder pads?

Most kids don't know the history of marriage throughout the ages so why would they have our girl Ariel get married at the age where she'd be a sophomore in high school? Ariel should be finishing up Driver's Ed, not picking out wedding cakes! Why couldn't they just bump up her age by a couple of years? If she were eighteen it would still be kind of creepy, but at least she would be considered an adult. She's not even old enough yet to see a rated-R movie, let alone marry a man she knows absolutely nothing about.

7 BEING A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSWOMAN MAKES YOU EVIL

It's becoming more and more apparent as we get older that Ursula was not the evil sea witch we once perceived her to be as children. Ursula tells Ariel exactly what to expect within their mutually agreed upon bargain deal and the little mermaid signs a contract where she clearly accepts this offer. Ursula has been straight up the whole time about how things will play out. Ursula also subscribes to the belief that a woman's voice is much more powerful than her physical appearance which is why Ariel loses her voice as opposed to her figure.

RELATED: The 6 Best (And 4 Worst) Disney Couples

The Sea Witch is simply a successful businesswoman who understands how the real world works. When she sings "she who holds her tongue gets the man," this turns out to be accurate in the film. Eric falls madly in love with Ariel when she no longer has a voice...  and she ends up getting the man.

6 GIVE UP YOUR WHOLE LIFE AND FAMILY TO BE WITH A HOT GUY

Not only does Ariel give up her voice and her fins, but she gives up her entire life to be with a stranger. Her entire family lives down in the sea including her father and her (many) sisters. Ariel doesn't even send a quick goodbye text. She's out of the sea as fast as possible so she can fulfill her true destiny of macking on some blue-eyed stud. Doesn't she care about her family at all? What about Flounder? What about Sebastian?

The morals in this Disney classic are just riddled with issues that would never fly in today's day and age. Hopefully, the remake will fix up these problematic elements.

5 "UNDER THE SEA" PROMOTES RACIAL STEREOTYPES

Unfortunately, the cheery song we'd sing along to throughout childhood is chock full of racial stereotypes. The whole point of the song is for Sebastian to convince Ariel that being lazy while under the sea is a much better lifestyle than working on the land. He sings the lyrics "Up on the shore they work all day, out in the sun they slave away."

His character is indicating that life is much better when you don't have to put in any effort, a racial stereotype for his character who is clearly Jamaican. The rest of the fish in the scene are the only characters in the film who are not white and they are all condoning the belief that life is better when you don't have to work. Lame move, Disney. Lame move.

4 URSULA'S BADASS TRAITS PERCEIVED AS EVIL

Because the sea witch is meant to be the villain of the film, we are supposed to go against everything she stands for and perceive all of her traits as "evil." Her traits as a woman include (but are not limited to): strong, outspoken, opinionated, brilliant, and independent. She is also a total workaholic. This is supposed to allude to the actions of an evil woman, according to Disney.

RELATED: 10 Clueless Quotes That Will Have You Totally Bugging

Ariel, on the other hand, teaches us that in order for a woman to be perceived as alluring, she must "hold her tongue" while simultaneously looking beautiful at all times. She is the protagonist, so we are meant to learn from her actions rather than the sea witch. Isn't that kind of sort of (incredibly) problematic?

3 A SERIOUS LACK OF FEMALE DIALOGUE

When The Little Mermaid was released in the 1980s, a good chunk of people percieved Ariel's character as progressive for a Disney Princess because unlike the princesses before her, Ariel actually has her own dreams and desires while actively pursuing them. Even if those desires revolved around a man, at least we're getting to see a princess rebel against "the system" in order to get what she wants out of life.

Yet despite the initial praise, The Little Mermaid was the first of many Disney Princess movies to have significantly less female dialogue as opposed to male dialogue. Even though the titular character is female, 68% of the movie's dialogue goes to the male characters. What's up with that?

2 SEXUALIZED DISNEY PRINCESSES

Ariel is considered to be the most sexualized Disney Princess due to the way she is drawn out by animators. She is only sixteen years old yet this doesn't change the fact that she has been designed in a manner that doesn't feel appropriate to both her age and the age of viewership that this film caters to.

Her body proportions are also extremely unrealistic to what most women look like in real life, which could lead to insecurities and poor body image issues within viewers.

1 KING TRITON IS THE WORST FATHER EVER

For some reason we are supposed to side with King Triton in this film and see him as some sort of Albus Dumbledore type with his endless wisdom. Yet after watching the film, you can swiftly come to the conclusion that King Triton is an overprotective father with serious anger issues. He knows how much his daughter adores all her "thingamabobs" aka "muggle items."

Yet despite the fact that collecting these shore-gadgets is her passion, Triton goes ahead and destroys her whole collection in an effort to teach Ariel a lesson. Doesn't he know that this sort of thing will only provoke a teenage girl to rebel even more against him? He has a bunch of other teenage daughters, so he should definitely know this by now.

NEXT: The Little Mermaid: 10 Biggest Changes Disney Made To The Original Fairy Tale

source https://screenrant.com/things-little-mermaid-disney-movie-aged-poorly/