#that moment replays in my mind bc i feel like a bitch for being a bit dismissive ! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

girlbossblackbeard · 1 year ago

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s2 ep3 delirious ramblings in honor of eps 4 and 5 coming soon!!

you already KNOW wtf goin on !!!

-the red flag fleet pig tails absolutely slay every single time

-Zheng Yi Sao putting her arm out to shield Olu from the dying guy that just got stabbed has me feeling some typa way (falling in love with her)

-stede just pushing his little bar and charcuterie cart around im obsessed

-Zheng Yi Sao's customer service voice when she says "Hi! I'm Zheng Yi Sao, you're...John?" like she's cold-calling someone is absolutely top tier, I would give her all my money if she were calling to scam me

-"champers?" stede you absolute doofus i love him far too much

-Zheng Yi Sao being all coy with her "ohh...forget it...;)" stop!!!!! im already in love with you please stop this madness!!!!!! i can't take much more of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-OLU'S OFFENDED FACE WHEN STEDE JUST PLOPS THE TOWELS DOWN ON ZHENG YI SAO'S DESK LMAO

-okay. we have to talk about stede hearing "the revenge" and his mind going completely blank aside from the one thought of "Ed" replaying over and over and over again to the point that all sense of self-preservation flies completely out the window (as he flies over the side of the ship) because the ONLY thing that matters to him in that moment is seeing Ed again. i can only imagine the looming sense of doom he must've felt as he realized Ed was noticeably absent from the rest of the crew when he found them, and then the cagey way they all spoke about where Ed went. i wonder if seeing Ed's body lying on that table gave him any sense of relief in the way that getting confirmation of something you'd feared was coming finally arrives

-also!!! let's talk about what must have started running through Olu's mind when he realized it was their ship!! did he immediately think of Jim? was he worried about them? did he assume they would've escaped blackbeard's clutches by now and gone on to bigger and better things?

-"she's returned to us...mostly" i wonder how sad buttons must have felt seeing the revenge in such a dire state :((

-"maybe she's gone through that triangle thing by bermuda" wee john my beloved

-I TOLD Y'ALL WHEN THAT MF GNOSSIENNE NO. 5 HITS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT VERY NEARLY WAS BITCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-oh holy fuck the way the look of excitement on stede's face morphs into a look of horror as he takes in just how wrecked the revenge got in the storm is extremely upsetting

-someone smarter than me needs to do a deeper analysis on the use of gnossienne no.5 as stede is climbing the ladder of the revenge, no doubt with thoughts of a beautiful and loving reunion with ed because surely he'll be there waiting for him, just as overjoyed to see stede as stede is to see him, only for the song and that fantasy to abruptly get cut off once stede realizes how dire the situation on the revenge has gotten

-hey fam do we think there's any significance of the crew being found desecrating that seagull in the captain's quarters or was that just a plot convenience thing bc obviously stede would check the captain's cabin for ed first

-"just thought you'd be taller...mu-muscly, you know...charismatic" bruh ain't NO way Certain People had been either 1) talking about stede in such a high regard it put him up on a massive pedestal or 2) ahem....sobbing so loudly the entire god damn ship can hear it every single night for literal months...that archie fully thought stede MUST have been basically a god amongst mortals to make ed be so downbad it drove him to violent insanity

-"why can't i get a straight answer from any of you" because they're all gay bitch!!!!! you knew this when you first hired them!!!!!!

-OBSESSED with how Izzy is fully down an entire leg and Stede could NOT give less of a shit about it. Literally telling him "Piss off Izzy, I don't wanna hear from you" as if there isn't the biggest possible elephant on the deck basically screaming to be talked about

-side note: for the love of GOD con o'neill looks so stupidly hot in his reaction shot to stede telling izzy to piss off it's actually gonna give me heart palpitations. this is my formal petition to make con o'neill look permanently just a little bit damp and a little bit sad

-"when you get old, if you don't wanna work anymore you can just give up i guess" frenchie my beloved

-love love love love love the parallels between buttons and auntie being the actual paragon of first mates with almost preternatural senses for mutiny a'brewin or the sea shifting

-hey fam do we think izzy actually stabbed stede's painting or was it really ed and izzy was...sparing stede's feelings???? but why??? is it because he's intimately aware of how it feels to lose ed and even though he hates stede (or used to) he still wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone??

-SORRY I GOTTA TOOT MY OWN HORN FOR A SECOND BECAUSE I CALLED IT FROM THE MOMENT THE TEASER DROPPED THAT THE RAG MAN WAS GONNA BE HORNIGOLD'S GHOST MANIFESTING AS THE PARTS OF ED HE HATED THE MOST

>>>it turned out to be all parts of himself which did me quite a big ouchie but im still riding the high of having sussed that out so early on im LITERALLY destined to be a writer on this show. djenks get at me i know ur reading this

-i have absolutely no idea what the pig is supposed to symbolize in ed's fever dream someone who has a functioning brain should figure it out and let me know pls & thx

-don't know if this is significant symbolism or not, but: ed is wearing the cravat, his chains, and the pearl necklace in the storm. he is NOT wearing the cravat or the chains in the fever dream, but he IS still wearing the pearls. the best analysis i can do around that rn is that the cravat symbolizes stede and this journey he's about to go on needs to be about Ed and Ed alone, but also Ed *feeling* and *thinking* he's genuinely alone, which is supported by the conversation he has with hornigold later when he reveals he's worried there's no one waiting for him in the real world. the chains im thinking could symbolize his blackbeard persona in a way - presumably he got the gold chains when plundering and gaining/maintaining his reputation for being ruthless and the chains are a physical reminder of that persona and reputation. in the fever dream, ed is stripped down to his most vulnerable state (which is interesting considering his hair and beard aren't in line with the s1 symbolism of his vulnerability - almost as if his heartbreak over stede has become so all-encompassing he's no longer able to hide it behind a beard or face-shielding long hair) so the chains would disappear just as his blackbeard reputation would disappear in order for him to get to the core of who he really is, which brings us to: the pearl necklace. we could literally talk for hours about the nuances of everything the pearl necklace represents regarding ed's fears, desires, identities, hopes and dreams for the future, childhood trauma, etc. etc. etc. but ultimately it represents the parts of ed he holds the closest to his chest and THAT is why he's still wearing it in the fever dream: because it's a representation of who he truly is, stripped down, at his core. and THAT is the person who needed to go on this journey in order to start to heal, without the influence of anyone or anything else making him feel the need to perform or be anything other than his 100% authentic, vulnerable self.

-the way i reacted to seeing how beautiful ed is as he's waking up in hornigold's hut is undeniable proof that i need to be put down

-"what did you do to me...while i was out...anything weird?" edward teach my beloved of all time. we will not be taking this incredibly funny and perfectly performed line delivery and making it sad by thinking about the implications of what past behaviors ed may have experienced from other shipmates when waking up after a night of blacking out

-sorry but the way ed holds his breath so he doesn't eat the soup is so hilarious and adorable to me

-auntie recounting all the details of the mutiny right down to ed's height and silver hair based off of looking at the deck and licking some gun powder is sooooooo sherlock holmes coded but like. if he fucked y'know?

-also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the little sprinkle of what i believe was maori thrown in between auntie and fang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need more of that IMMEDIATELY

-"i'm burnin up here" SICK jobros reference frenchie

-frenchie stopping himself from saying "oh fuck" and instead going with "oh shit tits" i love this man an unhealthy amount

-"it's called you-cal-lip-eh-tusses. you-calamitous." good god i would due for olu in a heartbeat

-okay so. my thoughts on the olu/zheng/jim/archie situation. i never posted this here when the trailer dropped bc i thought i was just going crazy but when i saw the olu/jim shoulder bump i immediately knew it was giving "exes who are still friends and are being supportive of the other person when they admit they've found someone new" vibes. THAT BEING SAID - i can see this whole thing being resolved in 2 ways: either they have jim and olu talk it out and officially decide to split to pursue their respective new flames while remaining best friends/family, or - and this is where i think we all hope this is going - we get a 4-way polycule. im 50/50 on whether the studio would greenlight that given they've already pushed the envelope with having a nonbinary character and basically everyone is gay, but at the same time i would hope the studio would recognize that the show was wildly successful due in large part to those key elements and would be in favor of pushing the envelope even further (in their eyes). i think jim and archie are gonna see zheng being an absolute badass and fall in love with her and zheng is gonna see jim and archie being absolute badasses and fall in love with them while already being in love with olu specifically because he's NOT a badass and olu's gonna admit he's still in love with jim and they're all gonna live happily ever after completely dominating the seas and killing colonizing dipshits :)

-OLU WHIPPING HIS HEAD AROUND TO LOOK BACK AT JIM WHEN THEY TELL HIM THEY SAW ARCHIE'S BOOBS LMAO

-hi it's me again here to say that it is STILL SO EXTREMELY FUCKED UP AND EVIL OF DAVID JENKINS AND CO. TO BE PLAYING GNOSSIENNE NO.5 WHILE STEDE LOOKS DESPONDENTLY AT THE RUINED REMAINS OF HIS CAPTAINS QUARTERS WHERE HE AND ED CONNECTED FOR THE FIRST TIME AND FELT LIKE SOMEONE FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THEM

-how the fuck did izzy on a crutch and a pegleg sneak up on stede in the captain's quarters lil homie HAS to be sounding like mr. krabs at this point

-"i think the knives really help bring the place together" he literally cannot physically bring himself to not be a bitch around izzy even when he's wallowing in his lost love i am so so so obsessed with him you have no idea

-i know we're all still reeling from the confirmation that stede has ALWAYS known ed - past the rose-colored glasses of falling in love with just the idea of someone - and how his mind works when he asks izzy point blank what they did to ed but. i cannot stop thinking about s1 ed not being able to look stede in the eye as he says "you were always gonna realize what i am" before leaving with calico jack because he was so terrified of the judgement he'd see in stede's eyes. he revealed a less-than-ideal (but comparatively pretty benign) part of himself to the person whose opinion he cares about the most and was too afraid to stick around to see if/when stede would finally reject him for not living up to the standards that ed thinks stede deserves. and yet. we now know with actual proof that stede not only never judged ed for his past and just kinda glossed over any erratic behavior/violent reactions during their time together in favor of keeping an idealized image of ed in his mind, stede understood ed on a deeper level than practically anyone else in the whole world, with the exception of izzy, ever did. stede was so intimately aware of the exact kind of person ed was and what his thoughts and behavioral patterns were that he knew without a shadow of a doubt that there were only two fates for ed if stede didn't reach him in time: he was either gonna watch the world burn or die trying.

-feeling BIG emotions over the almost-sigh that stede does when izzy tells him how ed took his leg for merely mentioning stede's name. the way he looks away and swallows down his guilt and grief and shame.

-"you sent him to doggy heaven" ohhhh my god i wanna know if stede was bracing himself for the heartbreak or the relief (or both!!) of hearing izzy say yes. as i mentioned above, stede had to have had a cloud of impending doom looming over him all these months wondering where ed is and worrying if he'll ever find him again, and that cloud must have only gotten infinitely darker when he found the crew on the revenge only to realize that ed wasn't with them. stede isn't stupid, he proved as much when he told izzy he knew ed was going to destroy everything around him or die in the process, and with ed being very noticeably absent it would only make sense for stede to jump to the worst-case-scenario of the crew having to kill ed before he killed all of them. i think he had probably been emotionally preparing himself for that outcome the second he noticed the crew being shifty about ed's whereabouts, so to get confirmation of it would obviously be genuinely heartbreaking but also an end to the sense of doom that had been hanging around him for a while.

-the way stede whips his head around to look at izzy when izzy tells him no, they didn't send ed to doggy heaven is so! heartbreaking! because you can see the instant flame of hope light up his face for a split second before he reads the profound sadness of izzy's expression as he tells stede they deserted him on a beach and left nature to do the rest. interestingly enough, stede doesn't seem at all reassured or renewed in his hope by this, and im wondering if he knows izzy is lying to him at that point to spare his feelings

-"yeah i was there. that cabin boy's name was felix. he was a really nice guy" i love that we're not only getting a crumb of lore about ed's past on hornigold's ship (that isn't frat-bro posturing with calico jack) but that the crumb we do get highlights ed's humanity. not only does he remember the name of a "lowly" cabin boy, but he remembers that the cabin boy was really nice and is angry that he died so senselessly and hornigold doesn't even seem to care

>>>>>hmmmm now im thinking about how hornigold is a representation of the parts of ed that he hates, so is hornigold's story an allegory for how ed hates how he's shut off his emotions/shown little to no remorse for the hurt and suffering he's caused during his breakup era?

-okay there are SO many mentions of soup this season already someone figure out wtf it's supposed to mean

-THE WAY MY FRIENDS AND I ACTUALLY SCREAMED WHEN ZHENG SAYS "Girl, how are you :(" TO STEDE LIKE THIS SHOW IS 100% CONFIRMED WRITTEN FOR THE GIRLS (gn) AND THE GAYS AND EVERY LINE IS PERFECT

-DAVID JENKINS. WHY. ARE YOU PLAYING. GNOSSIENNE NO.5. WHILE STEDE TELLS ZHENG. ABOUT HOW HE FEELS LIKE HE LET ED DOWN. AND THAT HE'S THE CAUSE OF A LOT OF THIS. AND HOW HE SHOULD'VE JUST TOLD ED HOW HE FEELS. BUT HE WAS SCARED. AND NOW HERE WE ARE. i want you psychologically evaluated because i do believe there is a dark evil inside of you

-PLEASE stede's reaction of basically "ya got me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" to Zheng saying the guys on wanted posters are hot makes my brain fizz

-im not ashamed to say i literally get tears in my eyes from how divine ed looks when he's talking to hornigold about selling handmade shoes like what the fuck did the hair and makeup artists DO to make him even more stunning than before when they had already broken the scale in s1???????????? i feel like i should send them a thank-you care package for the gift they've given us

-"im actually just a very simple man" my sweet precious baby darling eddie boy. you are the most complex character i have ever become obsessed with in my entire life, and i was DEEP in the Castiel trenches at the height of SuperWhoLock tumblr from 2012 - 2014 as an unmedicated teenager still developing her prefrontal cortex.

-"like a jailer, but all the prisoners like you and they can go whenever they want" so what im hearing is ed likes having control over other people but also desperately wants them to like him AND choose to stay with him of their own free will and not because they have to. or it's just a funny simile for an inn like he said :)

-the jeff's inn by the sea roleplay scene makes me so insane i actually can't talk about it rn other than to say it's peak comedy and i want it permanently etched into my brain. also ed's little corsage makes me [feral shrieking]

-GODDD the way this season is so expertly slicing in clips from s1 as a quick flash of an image before coming back to the present is so extremely satisfying and also a direct punch to the solar plexis every time

-"grown man covered in tattoos, eh? with daddy issues?" no comment just screaming

-"we've been living second-to-second for a while now. it's actually kinda nice to have a deadline" this!!! this is what im talking about with the looming sense of impending doom hanging over you for so long that once you get confirmation that it's going to be over soon, even if it's because of a very permanent ending, there's a lot of relief that can be wrapped up in that

-"go on, bonnet. gimme your worst" i feel like i don't have the brain capacity rn to break that interaction down and tease out what izzy would've been expecting stede to do or say and what stede would've been thinking in that moment that was too overwhelming to actually voice but maybe someday i'll get to it

-"okay well i feel like im gonna choose...i feel like im supposed to choose...live" bbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooo the intentional writing of ed to say "gonna" at first and then switching it to "supposed to" is sooooooooo insane dude holy shit. i need to know what factors caused him to change his wording. what was he going to say he was gonna do. who or what is pressuring him to make him feel like he's supposed to choose to live. are those two choices - what he was gonna do vs. what he feels like he's supposed to do - at war with each other or is the conflict brewing from the different motivations behind wanting to live vs. feeling like you're supposed to live. the writing is just too good

-godddd someone needs to make a post on hornigold telling ed they're in a judgement-free zone which is basically ed reminding himself that his mind is a safe space for his thoughts and how unbelievably sad it is that ed would even need to remind himself of that in the first place. he's so used to scrutiny and judgement (and it's one of his biggest fears when it comes to the people he cares about the most) that he doesn't even think he's free from it in his own head

-im just gonna say it. ed talking about warmth and intercourse and orgasms is foreshadowing

-"i don't think anyone's waiting for me" i'll actually go lie in the middle of the road right now i swear to god

-it's so interesting how ed gets angry that his fear that no one is waiting for him fucks his pros up

-i don't understand how olu didn't immediately clock that zheng was flirting with him when he's in her office like buddy if i see a very beautiful woman with a very sharp sword and she's pointing it in my direction? that's a marriage proposal

-HOKAYYYY FOLKS WE GOTTA TALK ABOUT OUR FIRST TRUE COMPETENT!STEDE SIGHTING IN THIS EP. he not only devises an escape plan ALL BY HIMSELF, he has the knowledge and foresight to . and guess what? IT ACTUALLY. WORKED. in fact, it was a SWEEPING success where he got EVERYONE safely off the red flag ship and onto his own!!!! this wasn't just some raid won with brute force or a fuckery accomplished due to loony tunes rules, this was an honest-to-god escape plan that required learning the shifts of the guards on deck and at the entrance to the brig to ensure those spaces would be as empty as possible, knowledge of the sleepy-time effects of chamomile in concentrated forms, knowledge of the layout of the ship he's been on for, what? a few days? maybe a week?, knowledge of where they store their weapons and then figuring out how to use the crossbow as a zipline AND remembering to have someone cut the line to prevent any red flag crew from boarding the revenge, figuring out how they can use towels to use said zipline, remembering that the revenge no longer has a wheel and utilizing wee john's strength to secure them a new one while disabling the red flag ship thus greatly increasing their chances of a successful escape. i guess now we know what the hell is going on in towels (it's scheming and plotting)

-jim grabbing archie's hand has they leave the brig

-stede's little hand gesture and "sss" noise he makes to communicate to lucius and black pete they're gonna move forward now even though they're all physically so close it literally would've been quieter if he just whispered his directions to them

-the person at the wheel looking longingly up into the sky. how much do we wanna bet she was thinking about zheng

-"just breathe into it black pe-" WHY ARE THEY SHUSHING MY BOY BUTTONS HE'S RIGHT

-"oy, ya cockeyed -" STOP SILENCING HIM

-"aye look at that, see that black pete -" LET HIM SPEAK

-IZZY PUSHING BUTTONS'S HAND DOWN AS HE'S TELLING BLACK PETE TO OBSERVE ARCHIE'S SHOOTING FORM IS EVERYTHING TO ME

-wee john profusely apologizing to the person he knocked unconscious before knocking them unconscious and then again after stealing their wheel. he is so dear to me

-i genuinely love how buttons wastes NO time in assuming his first mate duties again and directing frenchie and roach to start preparing the ship for sailing. it's just a nice reminder that stede chose him as his first mate for a reason beyond his propensity to attract a motley crew of unique characters - buttons is a genuinely highly skilled, highly competent, and extremely dedicated and hard working sea farer. who may or may not actually be a sea witch that has taken on the form of a humble man

-i actually am very charmed by olu still trying to persuade zheng to spare the lives of his friends while they're making out

-ooooohhhhh the fact that olu had to choose between zheng and jim was such a delightful mini conflict to see him go through. i might wind up making a post about his thoughts and motivations in that moment later on because it's so quick but so profound

-okay 1) the raw emotions in zheng's yell when she sees olu escaping on the revenge literally gave me goosebumps. 2) the look of absolute betrayal on her face in that closing shot gave me even MORE goosebumps. 3) ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR SLIGHTLY SUPERNATURAL FIRST MATE Y'ALL THEY ALWAYS KNOW WHAT'S UP

-i can't wait to see how this betrayal plays out in terms of the red flag fleet being an enemy to the revenge, even though we know it's temporary since we've seen Zheng Yi Sao and her fleet fighting alongside ed and stede in the s2 trailer and in the promotional materials for upcoming episodes

-UHHHH STEDE'S HEARTBROKEN FACE AS THEY'RE LEAVING HELLO?????????????????????????????????

-izzy trying to genuinely thank stede is so. Character Arc.

-also archie and jim training/fake sword fighting in the background

-"clarity? you've made your choice" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-ed realizing that he really just hates himself is going to be MY villain origin story

-what the HELL was up with hornigold doing that howl. hated that

-"i'm not loveable" "and you're scared to do anything about it" i swan to john im gonna start chewing on the steel cables that hold up suspension bridges you literally cannot do this to me right now

-hey so fun fact when kate bush's song kicked in i actually desperately wished someone would've given me one of those neat chamomile towels that makes you pass out instantly because :) i am wholly unequipped :) to hear that song :) in the context of this next scene :))))

-seriously if you haven't read the lyrics to that song yet, first contact your local veterinarian's office and schedule and appointment to be put down whenever their next available time is, then look up the lyrics

-stede calling him a nut again i literally

-UGH the CONFLICT you can see on stede's face when deciding whether or not to remove the fabric covering ed's head or not. does he want to remove the fabric so he can say one final goodbye, face to face? or does he want to leave the fabric on so his last image of ed in his memory will be when he's alive and excited at the prospect of running away with stede?

-the fact that stede is literally pulling the wool from over ed's eyes and waking him back up both physically and spiritually(???)

-like ed, who was resigned to his fate and at peace with his choice to sink into the depths and never wake up again, INSTANTLY finds the motivation to live the SECOND stede interacts with him and he starts fighting as hard as he can to return to the surface, and just when he thinks he's not strong enough and he'll succumb to the darkness anyway, a light appears to pull him back from the brink. stede's voice comes through begging ed to wake up, to come back to him, don't die please don't die, he's here now. and ed's face as he's hearing stede talk to him is so full of love and amusement and admiration and then a little confusion as mermaid!stede appears but goes right back into his fully smitten expression and longing gaze and i just. don't know how we were ever expected to recover from this.

-THEY WERE ACTUALLY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CRAZY TO JUST THROW THE GOD DAMN GENTLEBEARD/BLACKBONNET SEASON 1 BEST MOMENTS MONTAGE AT US LIKE THAT WITH NO WARNING DURING AN ALREADY EXTREMELY EMOTIONALLY TAXING SCENE

-anyway i am both irreparably broken inside and also reborn from this episode. thank you alyssa lane and alex sherman and also i will never forgive you for this

#ofmd #our flag means death #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #ofmd s2 #edward teach #stede bonnet #ofmd s2 spoilers #izzy hands #zheng yi sao

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hertwood · 10 months ago

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dts s5 e6-8

e6: -having flashbacks of having to defend oscar to my mom for this why does the show try to lean into otmar's perspective so heavily GROSS -nah im full tinhatting i do not remember this whole bit where everyone hypes up oscar in interview before he has his lil chat with mark netflix u slimey lil bitches -oh if i was here when this news broke summer break 2022. i would've been inconsolable. i'm sure it was nuts, ballistic. maybe it was good i wasnt there. idk if i could've handled it akldkfjadslkfjasdkfj -lando saying "i already am (leading the team)" was not that rude it was just the TRUTH sorry -daniel speaking italian is so important actually -"ive been in this sport for 25 years i know what im doing" king that only makes the fumble THAT much more embarrassing COME ON -otmar talking abt how well oscar took all the shit we offered aren't we owed a contract? reminds me of timeshare schemes like actually just u paid for xyz if you dont have a contract in place he doesnt owe u anything maybe do contracts better next time :) -unfortunately zak brown is right!! its a pr disaster is the 5 million worth it!!! and they didnt even get the 5 mil!!! how do lose ur job speedrun masterclass here!! -i do wonder how much netflix inflated daniel's chances for the alpine seat, bc from what i've heard it wasnt really in the conversation. idk i wasnt there but it would make sense for netflix to lean heavily into this narrative -did not realize liam was sitting Right There when pierre was askin abt the gossip aldfjaslkfjaksjdf -the way how in season 1 its like NO DANIEL DON"T LEAVE RED BULL i feel the same way abt pierre going to alpine. like ofc it made perfect sense at the time and you cant fault him for it but like no babygirl its bouta implode PLEASE -rip all the tiktok edits that were muted in the umg purge that paired "good luck to oscar" with "if a man talks shit then i owe him nothing." thank u taylor couldn't have said it better myself -"do you regret anything that's happened?" "um. no :)" U TELL EM BABY

e7: -i'm sorry but geri seemingly getting boiling water from a tap to make tea is so fucking insane rich person cursed -was originally gonna include this funny shot of christian standing looking out a balcony like sharpay evans in high school musical in my s5 gifset but due to recent events i will not :) -i just think. that including this whole bit abt how much checo loves his family in the same episode as the monaco gp where he allegedly cheated on his wife was a CHOICE. interesting. -lewis's monaco 2022 outfit is one of his best outfits ever. its so iconic 2 me -HI ALEX -so many cinematic parallels to discuss. s1 max putting it in the wall in practice and ruining his race to prove he was faster than daniel. known parallels to brocedes ALLEGEDLY trying to sabotage eachother by crashing in that corner in monaco. hmm hmm hmm. much to think -im sorry the sainz collision is just so goofy. i remember watching the replay of this quali and being bamboozled. befuddled. deeply amused. what a stupid fucking sport -'for fucks sa-........okay this is typical monaco isnt it" MAX GETS IT -i honestly dont mind wet monaco races just bc by nature of the track its on average slower therefore less dangerous. i'll take a wet monaco over a wet spa any damn day -ferrari's double pit fuck up is PEAK embarassing ferrari strats. like to do a bad strat is one thing but to just mess up the strat ur trying to do. peak biblically cursed charles leclerc moment

e8: -god i wish i got more into yukierre. i see the appeal. unfortunately they just dont give me brain worms -many thoughts. um i think focusing on yuki's temper is just. unfair. like sure he should work on it but thats an issue with many young drivers its not a unique failure on his part -i have given thoughts on japan '22 before i'm not rly gonna rehash but i really wish the didn't gloss over it on dts. i think it was an important moment in the sport to have a big conversation abt rain safety. -oh this nyck supercut is gonna be painful knowing where it goes :/ -god remember when ppl thought nyck was gonna lead the team? leave yuki in the dust? even /i/ had him above yuki in my preseason predictions isnt that insane? -"im happy, i'll take that, that you'll miss me at least 2 or 3 minutes" god forgot the most romcom ass shit since sebchals we'll start by holding hands -nando n lance having this crazy crash and now a year later they're fucking on the reg. happy 4 them

#i'm ahead of schedule now on purpose so i dont have to worry abt it when pst starts!#i will likely finish 2moro WOO #she speaks #dtsrewatch

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howdomaddie · 1 year ago

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nine eight people you would like to get to know better

ahhh thank you @elmelloill for the tag, i am so excited to have a chance to do a tag game again. hm, not unlike lev's sentiment, i feel like i know most of the people im gonna tag but i want to share in the fun :D you don't have to and if i didnt tag you but you still wanna do the thing then!!!!!! do it!!!!! (i couldnt think of 9 people im SORRY) @knightofkestrels @feelingwhimsy @whatnowllamapeople @jess-jessitiz @here-queer-jointpain-severe @sevennbees @imthepunchlord @kerrtesy

a lot more than three ships: UH hm. let me think

so technically (aside from catboy ot3) all ships are rotating in my brain at all times, and it kind of depends on what thing i've become re-obsessed with at any given moment. i am on a duo of fire emblem and ace attorney eras all over again, so chrobin (both robins), ike/soren and klapollo are all on the brain. also ryukita for persona 5 since we started replaying that one recently. also flynn/yuri from tales of vesperia bc they're a very fun dynamic i like chewing on. rowan/graha/estinien just. lurks at the back of my mind at all times klhgkjh

first ship ever: percy/annabeth from the pjo books, i think? thats the oldest i can remember, bc i got into the series in middle school. for other not-first ships, i think roughly around then i was also just dabbling in ds games of all kinds. i definitely read the pokemon special/pokemon adventures manga and shipped red/yellow, and then protag/keith in the second pokemon ranger game. i wrote....so much fanfiction back then...

last song: if we're being technical it's a lofi mix i have on for work (link to my work playlist here if you want it) but otherwise, it's been XIV/genshin/star rail OSTs and a mix of ok goodnight/casey lee williams the edge and fall out boy's so much for stardust album, though really it's the first two songs

last movie: UHHHHH i think the most recent indiana jones movie? my dad took me for my birthday last month, hehe. NO WAIT IT WAS BARBIE the barbie movie was good

currently reading: unfortunately i dont read books all that much any more, and mostly the same for fics. i guess this is the time to give me book recs?

currently watching: well, nothing really TV show wise, though i was hoping to maybe start a rewatch of the first few arcs of fairy tail. we'll see. i mostly watch youtube nowadays, and usually it's a combination of channels. playframe happens to be my favorite (nice and varied playthrough content, but also just a really nice husband/wife duo that plays things together and with their friends). i also enjoy studson studio since i want to do more diorama building and he's the one that got me interested in it :)

currently consuming: ough sweet tarts and a ginger ale technically speaking, im like a zombie at work today and hoping the sour and bubbly will keep me awake @_@ but i did have a nice yoghurt and croissant for breakfast (i promise i eat normal meals and i just happen to be snacking rn fldkjgh)

currently craving: the comfort of my bed bc i have an extremely terminal case of sleepy bitch disease

#thank you lev this was very fun ;u;#maddie babbles #i gave up on actually doing my work to do this bc i am so eepy today

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thetypingpup · 2 years ago

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okay if you don't mind im going to rebrand myself as #1 merman yuta enthusiast so buckle up.

also im planning ANOTHER yuta fic yes woohoo bc why the fuck not also because it's SO FUUUUUUUN TO WRITE HIM <3

i have so many pictures of his red hair and i remember thinking "wow he'd defs be a mermaid" and BOOM ellie served.

okay yeah the one where he smirks and the last one would be accurate HE BE LIKE:

"tell me, my pearl, what do you need from me this time?", swimming closer to you. it would be considered a saunter if he had legs.

speaking of legs- do you think he would have some rare ability to become full human if he were desperately needed on land to discuss naval warfare issues? like, he's one of the sea gods im pretty sure he must have enough power to forge some legs from time to time.

although he'd be one to take his chances with the humans if he had legs just saying-

but OMG now im imagining him seeing you conjure up some lightning and thunderstorms one evening and meeting you at the cove being like, "hey babe those lightning strikes were sexy asf" basically he thinks you're sexy asf when you make storms and shit (the reader is btw bc storms are cool)

also circling back to him being a flirty ass bitch he would definitely refer to you as his pearl, his little seashell, maybe just darling as well. he's formal and polite yet exudes this inviting aura to him as well, always catching your eye when you pass the shore, seeing him laying on his favourite rock as he gazes only at you while many mortals gawk at him nonetheless. he's open to anyone, but seems to have eyes only for you. and the feelings may be reciprocated, which he takes advantage of.

he knows that he's so charming to the point of no return, and as much as you hide it he knows he affects you. even just from his gaze, as his vibrant red hair frames his expression, and his hand beckons you over with a single finger and a subtle smirk that plays upon his lips, and you fall every time (like tf who wouldn't).

but you'd kill to replay those moments where you manage to gain the upper ground, charming him instead (hidden talent alert), which is something you only do if you're feeling extra competitive, and yuta sparks that in you. you love to see him stutter on his words, his nervous chuckle, and those little held back whimpers when you suck on his neck just right- ANYWAYS THATS ANOTHER EPISODE

(p.s i only initiate smut hours if you really want to 👀)

i'm so sorry this took so long to get to gwen i haven't been in sea god!yuta mode for a while but we're here now 😅

to answer your question, he can form legs whenever he wants. he's magic like that. he definitely uses this to his advantage to hook up with people, mortals and gods alike.

when he meets storm goddess!you he's 100% intrigued, and just gets more fixated on you overtime. he likes your displays of power, granted not as much as fire god!xiaojun, but he can appreciate a powerful goddess as well. he totally calls you darling, but the idea of calling you pearl too is making me swoon i love that. he totally falls for you more and more, and before he knows it, he's not interested in being with anyone else, just you. i'm trying to figure out just how far he goes in terms of obsession. like i wanted xiaojun to be the main yandere, but fuck sea god!yuta might have some of that in him as well. he's certainly powerful enough to do some real damage and he falls for you enough where it can definitely veer into obsession.

for a while tho, he plays it cool, remaining suave and polite, only to get more shameless and seductive over time. after a while, as you saw in one of the scenes, he doesn't care if he's surrounded by mortals throwing themselves at him, he just wants to appeal to you. and when you not only show you're affected by him, but flirt back oh he loves that. when you start advancing on him too, challenging him, seducing him back, he's absolutely overjoyed. it makes it easy to get obsessed with you. like he already liked you, but seeing this other side to you, this side that is able to have him flustered, really gets him going. no one else was able to do that before you, so he'll be damned if he doesn't spend every spare moment he can basking in your presence. shit maybe this is how he starts turning yandere, like he only has eyes for you after some time, to the point where it's like the rest of the world goes out of focus whenever he's with you, and he just craves you only having eyes for him in return.

smut hours can be initiated whenever lmao. when i get in smutty moods i answer the asks, but they can be initiated whenever so by all means go for it!

#fire and sun au thoughts #supernatural!au

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mandareeboo · 4 years ago

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SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not.

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me.

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky.

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster.

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs!

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly.

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong.

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

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headheartbellarke · 4 years ago

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I Wish You Would | CHARLIE GILLESPIE

Requested by anon: “hello🌼 could u please write a charlie x reader imagine when he posts a picture on his instagram story with a girl to makes his crush jealous, but she end up distancing herself from him bc she's hurt and respect what she thinks is his relationship” PAIRING(s): Charlie Gillespie x fem!reader WORDS: 2,445 WARNING(s): angst w a happy ending, some language SUMMARY: “I wish you knew that I'd never forget you as long as I'd live."

A/N: hi, everyone!! really, really sorry that this took so long. haven’t had the best march tbh, and writer’s block is a bitch. && this isn’t very good, either, but i had to get something done. love u <3

TEN HOURS EARLIER

“And… post!” Charlie taps his phone, grinning brightly.

Owen cheers from behind him, his voice meshing into the humdrum of the bar they’re currently at. “I’m so proud of you!”

His friend laughs, spinning around in the bar stool to face him. “She’ll finally understand what it feels like!”

Owen nods frantically, taking another sip of the drink in his hand.

Charlie copies his movement – a part of him knows that he is absolutely hammered, but the bigger part of him doesn’t care. He’s had a long day, and he deserves this.

Besides, how else would he and his best friend have thought of this wonderful plan if they didn’t have a billion drinks in their system?

PRESENT

A knock on the door pulls Y/N from her thoughts. “Come in!” She yells, but her voice comes out feeble and hoarse, probably from all the crying she’s been doing for the past hour.

As the door swings open, her best friend, Savannah, pokes her head in. “Hey, babe. You all right?”

Y/N sniffs. “M’fine.”

Savannah enters the room, closing the door softly behind her. She walks to the window, opening the curtains, and Y/N groans when light floods into the previously dark room.

She sits on the bed beside Y/N, and Y/N rests her head on her shoulder as she pulls the covers up to cover their bodies.

“I’m sure that they’re not dating.” Savannah says, wrapping an arm around her best friend.

Y/N chuckles sadly. “You don’t have to lie to make me feel better, Sav. I mean, in the photo, he was kissing her cheek. Literally. And he put a heart between them.”

Savannah sighs. “That’s so not Charlie, you know… kissing random girls in bars and posting pictures with them.”

“Yeah, that’s so not Charlie, because she’s not a random girl. Her name’s Francesca and she went to high school with him, so, technically, she’s known him longer, and probably better than me.”

“I – I had no idea.”

“Yeah.”

“Y/N, babe, just tell him about how you feel. I’m sure that he likes you too.”

“If he liked me, then he wouldn’t be kissing Francesca!”

Y/N exhales, as Savannah gulps, not knowing what to respond. “Y/N, I – I swear, he’s crazy about you. I don’t know what happened between last Friday and today, but I swear – the Charlie that I know – has eyes for no one but you.”

Y/N rolls her eyes, feeling a pang in her heart at Savannah’s words. “Savannah, we kissed and then he ghosted me for a day and now he’s posting pictures of him kissing another girl! I think he has eyes for everyone!”

Savannah bites her lower lip, not knowing what to respond, again. Her best friend feels tears prick at the back of her eyes when she says, “Maybe I’m a bad kisser.”

Savannah’s eyes widen, and she sits up, straight. “No. No. Babe, no. Don’t say that, ever. You’re a great kisser, okay! You’re an amazing kisser. Your lips are fine as hell, believe me. He’s the one with crusty ass lips. They’re not even lips, they look like… like… peanuts.”

Y/N stares at her best friend for a moment, before saying, “Peanuts, Sav? Really?”

“It’s the first thing that came into my mind!” She says defensively, before the girls break into a fit of laughter.

“I’m never talking to him again, ever.” Y/N says after they’ve calmed down. “I’m never even gonna look in his direction. Fucking asshole.”

Charlie sighs, taking another sip of his coffee. It’s eight in the morning, and he’s normally a morning person – he loves the mornings, the peace, the quiet, and the feeling that comes along with it more than anything, but right now, he just feels… sad.

On regular days, he would be talking to his best friend, Y/N, about everything that’s on his mind. But today’s different.

Last Friday, Y/N kissed him, and long story sort, it was the best thing that’s ever happened to him. After work that day, they went to get some food at a drive through, like they usually do. All throughout the ride, they made plans to go hiking once the production for season two finishes. She drove the car to a lookout, and oh, god, it was so pretty. The midnight sky was littered with stars, and since they were at the edge of town, there was less pollution, and they could see bits of the galaxy, too.

But, for some reason, the girl next to him seemed more beautiful than anything he’s ever seen, and after they finished eating, he just sat and stared at her talk about the last book that she’d read, for a while. He knows that it was terrible that he wasn’t listening – but how could he pay attention to anything when she looked like that, especially with passion illuminating her face like times square on New Year’s Eve?

She had looked at him as if he’d just grown a third head. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Li – like what?” He’d asked, embarrassed to be blatantly caught.

“Like that…” She’d said and kissed him, and it felt like he was seeing colour for the first time. Although, the next day, everything turned to shit.

Now, it’s Monday, and she’s nowhere to be seen. He desperately wants to know if his and Owen’s plan actually worked (no reason that it wouldn’t), and he feels so impatient right now, and he misses her. Also, his massive hangover isn’t helping, either.

He hears his name being called, and sees Kenny smiling at him.

“Hey, so we’re gonna do a different scene today, since Y/N and Savannah are out, is that okay with you?”

His heart races. “What happened to them?”

“Y/N’s sick, and Savannah’s taking care of her.”

“Oh. Yeah, it’s okay with me.” He says, feeling his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach.

“This is the last time I’m asking you this…” Y/N sings, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her sweater.

“Put my name at the top of your list!” Savannah sings, using Y/N’s straightener as a mic.

“This is the last time I’m asking you why!” Madison joins.

“You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye!” Jadah sings, jumping on the bed.

As the second verse comes on, the girls sit on Y/N’s bed, huddled close to each other.

“You know, I’m feeling better now than I did when I woke up.” Y/N says, resting her chin on her knees.

“Taylor Swift can fix anything.” Madison says, leaning her head on Y/N’s shoulder.

She nods. “And y’all. Thanks for being here.”

Jadah grins, wrapping an arm around her. “We couldn’t let you have a pity party all alone!”

Savannah laughs. “I’m gonna kill him, I swear.”

“As relieving as that would be, don’t. I’ve decided what I should do.”

Madison quirks a brow. “You’re gonna kill him yourself?”

“Madi! No. I’m gonna distance myself.”

Savannah tilts her head. “I think that maybe you two should talk it out.”

“I don’t think so. I need space, time to figure it out. My head feels like a mess. And I respect him and Francesca, and I’m not gonna dip my toes between them.”

The other girls solemnly nod their head.

“You do realize that that’s not actually the saying?” Jadah says, after a while.

“Don’t embarrass me, kid.”

Charlie exhales, watching his breath crystallize to tiny ice particles in front of him. Even though, he’s a Canadian, he still feels cold. Although maybe it’s not due to the weather, but due to the coldness in Y/N’s eyes.

He watches her chat with Jeremy a few feet away, both of them discussing something that is out of bounds to him. He knows that it’s probably decisions regarding their characters, considering Y/N’s character is Jeremy’s character, Reggie’s love interest, but a part of him feels like it’s shit about him.

He has no reason to feel that way, of course. He hasn’t spoken to Y/N in four days, and this morning, when he saw her after for what feels to be eternity, he was blatantly ignored. He had only watched helplessly as Y/N exited the room the moment he entered and had sunk into his chair feeling like absolute shit, especially with everyone’s pitiful stares.

Charlie’s mind keeps replaying each moment, torturing over every tiny detail, wondering what he did wrong.

And that’s when it hits him: she really doesn’t want him anymore.

Last Saturday, he had hopelessly watched her with her long-term boyfriend of god-knows-how-long – he had come to surprise her on set, and it was Charlie that was more surprised. Because he thought that they were over, for good. And it wasn’t like they seemed like they weren’t dating. They were acting just like they used to when they were dating, and he was too close to her for his comfort. They still laughed the same, joked around the same, and were just as inseparable as they used to be.

A question kept rising in Charlie’s mind, like an icicle to his heart: why would she kiss him when she already had someone else? Why would she give him hope, and then take it all away? Why would she dangle his hurt in front of him?

So, he decided to give her a taste of her own medicine, and posted a picture with Francesca, his high school friend, who he had run into that night.

Owen sinks into the chair beside Charlie. “You okay?”

“I’m starting to believe that our plan didn’t work.”

“Hey, uh, Y/N?”

The girl in question hears Charlie’s voice, and turns around, avoiding looking into his eyes.

“Can we talk?” He says, and for a moment, her defences are down again. He looks so… tired, almost like he’s going through the same things that she is. Almost like there’s an explanation as to why he broke her heart, why he ruined something that had the potential to be extraordinary, why he made her feel so bad about herself.

And she almost believes it, too. Like the fool she is.

She presses her lips into a thin line, and says, “Nothing to talk about.”

As Charlie opens his mouth to protest, she smiles and walks away.

“Okay, Charlie, you two need to talk it out. This is too much. Both of you are obviously hurting, and there’s obviously some serious miscommunication here.”

Charlie shakes his head at Savannah’s words. “She hates me.”

“No. She could never hate you.” She says, thrusting her phone in Charlie’s face. His eyes squint to read the text on the screen – from Y/N.

Sorry – forgot to leave a note. Drove down to Dad’s, gonna stay here for a while. It’s too painful – honestly, you know what? I’m still very, very, very mad at him. But I’m also missing him very, very, very much. So, I need to flush it out. Flush him out. He might be a jerk, but he’s still one of the best people that I’ve ever met. Love you, okay? Will return when the time is right.

Charlie’s eyes widen, and he stares at Savannah’s face for a while. “There – there is still hope!”

She nods frantically. “You should call her –”

“I’m gonna drive down to her dad’s house, too!”

“That works, too.”

A frantic knock on the front door pulls Y/N from her thoughts. She stops typing on her keyboard, and flips the lid shut, keeping it on the dining table in front of her.

She runs to her dad’s door, knowing that it’s him, back from his shopping. She opens the door, saying, “Let me take those for – Charlie?!”

Y/N’s heart swells at his sight as he grins sheepishly.

“So, there’s been some misunderstandings… can I come in?” He asks, and Y/N pauses, considering.

He sighs, and adds, “Please?”

She stares at him.

He juts his bottom lip out. “Pretty please?”

“Fine, come in.”

He closes the door behind him, wordlessly following Y/N, who feels like she might hurl right now. They sit on the couch, and it’s really, really awkward for a few seconds.

Y/N sighs. “You said you –”

“Yes. Yes, yeah. OK, so – I, uh, I –”

She couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Why would you do that to me? Do I really mean that little to you?”

“I could say the same about you!”

“Really?”

“Yes! I saw you with Shahid that day, I know that you two are back together –”

“Shahid?!”

“Yes!”

She stares at him, baffled.

“So…so… Francesca….”

“I only posted the picture to make you jealous! She asked me if I wanted to go out with her and the rest of my high school friends, and of course I went, and she saw that I was being a little… unsocial. So, I told her about how the girl that I’m completely crazy about has a boyfriend! And a long term one at that, too! And then Owen came up with a brilliant plan, and I guess you know what it was. Now, I’m realizing that it might not have worked.”

She stares at him for a moment, before she bursts out laughing. Charlie throws her a confused look.

“You – you thought that Shahid – Shahid, my best friend since we were in nappies, Shahid who is married to this amazing man, and at whose wedding I was the maid of honour – you thought that I was dating him?”

“He’s gay?!”

“Bisexual. Oh my god, I have to tell him. This is hilarious.”

Charlie bites the corner of his lower lip, feeling his cheeks heat up. “This is really embarrassing. But you two act like you’re dating!”

“No, we don’t. You’re just being insecure and jealous. I’ve known him forever, and yes, I am the most comfortable around him. Because he’s my family. He’s my brother. Oh, god, I can’t believe that you were jealous of him – wait, have you thought that we were dating this whole time?”

“Kind of. I thought you guys broke up when he didn’t visit you on set during the first two months of production.”

“He was helping feed kids in Somali.”

“Oh. Oh. God, I feel so –”

“Dumb? That’s because you are.”

He grins sheepishly, his cheeks crimson.

Y/N smiles. “But I forgive you. And I wouldn’t mind if you took me on a proper date this time.”

“Deal. Also, promise that we’ll always talk it out before… you know… doing anything?”

She laughs, and nods. He wraps his pinkie finger around hers.

“Well, Owen’s plan did kind of work, though.”

279 notes · View notes

artificialqueens · 5 years ago

Text

Living in Sin (All the Rules are Changing Now), chapter 3: Make Me Feel Right (branjie) - writworm42, holtzmanns

A/N: Last chapter, Vanessa returned to the strip club where Brooke works, and they decided to go on a date. This chapter, they go out for dinner and then to Brooke’s place for dessert.

WRIT: WOW Y'ALL!!! It’s here!!! The last chapter!! So sorry for the delay on it. Everybody say THANK YOU HOLTZ bc without her (aggressively) suggestin it and agreeing to help me write this last chapter, it wouldn’t exist. I love u, binch, I ain’t never gonna stop lovin u, binch

Title from Only Girl in the World by Rihanna. Thank you thank you thank you Barbie for being an amazing cheerleader and a beta, you are second to none!!! <3 Hope you enjoy!!!

HOLTZ: HI HOLTZMANNS POPPIN IN WRIT IS A GEM AND I LOVE THEM AND WRITING THIS WITH THEM OK ADIOS ENJOY

Brooke counts down the minutes until her shift ends after Vanessa leaves, every passing song making her more and more restless. The minute the DJ announces last call, Brooke disappears, foregoing the chance to earn a last few hundred bucks to rush off towards the dressing room where she knows her friends are already waiting.

“GUYS!” The doors swing open way harder than Brooke means for them to, and she cringes at the slam that echoes around the narrow, concrete-walled room. “Sorry.”

Yvie waves a hand. “Don’t worry about it. Now what, you look like you’re about to jump out of your costume.”

Brooke’s already started pacing in front of the makeup stations, and she can’t help it because all that her mind is doing is replaying her last interaction with Vanessa. “She came back-”

“Lord, finally.” Asia rolls her eyes, but is unable to keep from smiling a little despite herself. “I was beginning to think I might have to name my first child Vanessa, from how much you were talking about her.”

Brooke blushes. “I wasn’t talking about her that much-”

“‘ Oh, Vanessa said this, oh, Vanessa did that,’” Yvie throws her hand over her heart dramatically and Brooke goes over to shove her side. “So what, did she say anything else to you this time, or are we just gonna keep replaying the same three sentences and calling you ‘Mommy’ for the rest of the night?”

“Oh, sure, I’m the only one who’s been weird and gay over a girl.” Brooke rolls her eyes as she plops down at her station, grabbing her makeup wipes as she adds with a wicked grin, “The name ‘Scarlet’ mean anything to you, my dear Yvette?”

Yvie reddens. “That’s diff–Stop calling me that!”

The girls around them all snicker, and then silence settles on the room, everyone caught back up in their end-of-night routines.

Plastique swivels on her stool to face Brooke. “So, what happened? What did she do? What did she say? Did you give her another good time-”

“No-I mean yes , but-no, it was…nice.” Brooke busies herself with getting her mascara off so that she doesn’t have to look up at her. “I, um.” she pauses, suddenly aware of exactly what she’s about to say.

She asked Vanessa out.

She asked Vanessa, a girl who she’d picked up at a strip club , who she’d known for the length of approximately four songs and two lap dances , out for dinner at her favourite Thai place.

How in the world was she supposed to tell her friends something so incredibly stupid?

Before she can open her mouth to even form the words, though, Detox pipes up from her station at the corner, rocketing up off her chair to slam the counter in front of her.

“Oh my God , you slut! ” Detox practically screams, “You asked her out. You actually asked her out. Oh my God. This is the best day of my life. Legend. ”

Brooke wants to retort with something, explain herself however she can, but it’s a lost effort, everyone else erupting into screams and fits of clapping and bouncing up and down, Plastique even falling out of her chair.

“It’s not a big-”

“Oh, you bet it’s a big deal, bitch.” Kameron scoots her chair closer to Brooke’s station. “So, how did you do it? Did you whisper the words all sultry into her ear as you gave her a lap dance?”

“Shut up,” Brooke groans as the other girls all crack up, “I did not. Did something far more embarrassing, actually.”

Kameron gives her a look. “You didn’t ask her while she came, did you?”

“What? No!” Brooke swats Kameron’s side. “I wouldn’t let her pay and then asked her afterwards when she said she absolutely had to repay me.”

Detox looks at her in the mirror incredulously. “She probably would have gone down on you right then and there if you asked!”

“Yeah, but I didn’t wanna ask that. I wanna, y’know, start small first.” Brooke doesn’t know why the words are heating her cheeks up, why she’s so hung up over a girl that she’s been in the presence of for ten minutes in total, max. But she is.

“You like her!” Yvie lets out an aww as she says it, one that Plastique mimics right afterwards.

Brooke sputters. “I don’t even know her.”

“Yeah, but you want to.” Asia’s look is knowing, too knowing, and it makes Brooke let out a huff.

“So what?” Brooke doesn’t know why she’s so defensive over it, really. The girls on the cast hooked up with patrons all the time, being careful to keep it under the radar.

But Brooke doesn’t want to only hook up with Vanessa, have her be just a casual option on a rotating list of conquests like many of the other girls have. No, Vanessa’s different. Brooke doesn’t know why, but she is.

_____

Brooke does her makeup differently for their date than the way she does it for work.

Less overdrawn lips, for one, though the same colour. Less dark and sultry eyes, but more colourful. More highlight and less contour. Her face is brighter, though as inviting. Just in a different way.

Brooke spends the entire walk to the restaurant ruminating, because that’s what her brain does best. This time, it’s about the way that she had given Vanessa her number so that she could text her about where and when to meet. It keeps replaying, the way she had run back to where Vanessa was sitting in the crowd to drop a slip of paper into her hand after she had already kissed her cheek goodbye, not maintaining any sense of dignity whatsoever, nope.

So much for being smooth. The memory repeats itself over and over in her head like a broken record, making her cringe. Sometimes, it felt like Brooke’s suaveness disappeared as soon as she stopped performing, leaving behind an impulsivity in her actions that was funny to watch at best, and fully embarrassing at worst.

She beats Vanessa to Sabai Sabai, the restaurant’s lit up sign casting a soft glow on the sidewalk in front of her. The booth that she’s lead to is in a corner of the restaurant, tucked up against two brick walls underneath the soft glow of the lamps hanging from the ceiling.

Vanessa gets there not long after, and Brooke’s breath catches in her throat because she’s equally striking outside of the red light that normally coats the club.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Brooke goes to hug Vanessa, doesn’t know if she should kiss her cheek or not, because really, where do you go from getting someone off in a private room in a strip club?

Twice?

Brooke can see the way that Vanessa’s eyes roam over her after they sit down, taking her in. It makes her feel less out of her element, more in control, since it’s something that she’s used to experiencing.

What she’s not used to, though, is having to make small talk with her clients ( past clients) while sitting across from them at a table in a busy restaurant.

“So,” Brooke starts, as Vanessa scans her menu, “Ever tried Thai food before?”

“Not really.” Vanessa shrugs. “I mean, I’ve had Thai Express and shit, but that probably doesn’t count as the real thing, right?”

Brooke giggles, shaking her head.

“Oh, come on, don’t look at me like that!” Vanessa objects indignantly, and it occurs to Brooke suddenly that a few other patrons close by have turned their heads to look at the source of noise.

Vanessa out of the club isn’t just lively–she’s loud , too, in a way that’s absolutely unapologetic, and somehow, Brooke loves it.

“Some of us ain’t got wads of tips to eat out with all the time.” Vanessa grumbles, taking a sip of her water, but if she thinks Brooke is going to let her get away that easily, then she’s sadly mistaken.

“But you have over a hundred dollars to spend getting eaten ou–”

Vanessa freezes, and the rest of the joke dies on Brooke’s lips, the realization of just what she was saying hitting her a little too late.

Great. Here they were, trying to get to know the other person outside the context of the club, and Brooke had dragged them right back into it.

God, she’s so stupid.

“So, um… What’s good here?” Vanessa coughs, studying the menu just a little too intently.

“I like the pad see ew.” Brooke suggests, reaching over to tap the picture of the dish on Vanessa’s menu, “Get it mild if you don’t like spice, though.”

“ Bitch, ” Vanessa rolls her eyes, “My dumb ass can barely handle no spice, you ain’t gotta tell me twice.”

“Alright.” Brooke laughs, and Vanessa laughs too, and it’s nice, their dynamic finally feeling almost easy to push forward.

Almost like it’s a perfectly natural thing, to be talking and laughing with the woman in front of her.

Before they can continue the conversation, though, a waitress appears to take their order, and the vibe breaks, silence settling in once again when she leaves.

And they’d been doing so well. Fuck.

“So, what do you do?” Brooke starts, regretting the question as she’s saying it. Surely, she should be able to think of something else, something a little less dorky, but it’s all she can think of at the moment. Besides, where work was concerned, Brooke had already shown Vanessa hers–Vanessa might as well show her hers, too.

“I’m an event planner!” Vanessa lights up a little, and suddenly, Brooke’s question doesn’t seem so lame, after all. Vanessa talks almost non-stop after that, answering all of Brooke’s questions about weddings and bar mitzvahs and mitigating the risk of having romantic candles placed on the staircase of a wedding shoot when the bridesmaids are likely already drunk until their food finally arrives, thick, steaming piles of noodles making their mouths water.

“Oh my God. ” Vanessa is the first to take a bite, barely reacting to how hot the food is as she shovels a forkful into her mouth. “Oh my God.”

“What?” Brooke giggles, her chest swelling with hope that Vanessa’s reaction is a good sign.

“What did you say this was again? Pack see ookie or something?”

“Pad see ew!” Brooke is unable to keep herself from practically screaming from laughter in reaction, spitting out her own noodles.

“Well it’s not ew, it’s amazing!” Vanessa defends herself, only to giggle along too when Brooke laughs even harder. “Lord, I’mma have to start eating out more often.”

Brooke resists the obvious joke she could make, especially now that the ice is safely broken, and shovels in another mouthful of noodles herself, noting with a special bloom of pride that they taste even better than usual.

The rest of the date passes without incident. In fact, it’s probably one of the better ones Brooke’s been on; now that the initial awkwardness is finally over with, their conversation flows freely, and they find they have more in common than Brooke could ever have dreamed of. And even the stuff that sounds like it’s from another world, that Brooke would normally dismiss or disagree with, is suddenly incredibly interesting to her–Vanessa makes it interesting, makes every Pokemon game and every argument about the benefits of liquid versus powder foundation seem like something Brooke actually wants to learn.

And it’s not just Brooke that feels that way. When she finally gets a word in edgewise, finally tells Vanessa about the time she spent living in South Africa or the best cut of chicken at Swiss Chalet, Vanessa’s face is animated the whole time, and Brooke can tell she’s fully listening, thinking about what she’ll say to follow up and learning about Brooke’s perspective on the world. They order dessert just to get a chance to keep talking, and by the time they get the bill and Brooke chances a look at her phone, it’s almost ten o’clock.

“Oh, I should probably get going.” Vanessa chews her lip as she stares at her phone in turn. “I gotta get home, I got a meeting at a venue in the Distillery District tomorrow, don’t wanna be up too late or the commute’s gonna be Hell.”

This is Brooke’s chance - she can either ask for a second date and leave it at that, or she could spring for something more. For a moment, she almost leans towards the conservative option, afraid that going for sex on the first date might put Vanessa off.

Then she remembers how they met, and suddenly, it doesn’t seem like such an outlandish proposition.

“Well, I actually live pretty close to that area…you, um, you wanna crash and just go straight to your meeting in the morning?”

“What’s your address?” Vanessa’s reply is quick, her phone already open to the Uber app to punch in Brooke’s answer.

–

The sex is different this time - it’s slower, more exploratory, more affectionate. Brooke and Vanessa take time to explore each other’s bodies, stroking and kissing every inch of skin, listening for the gasps and whimpers that signal that they’re doing something right.

It’s interesting. For all of Brooke’s bravado, Vanessa only has to run her short nails along the curve of her ribs, kiss along the line of her neck, before Brooke is putty in her hands. Getting Brooke on the bed, bracketing her hips with her thighs is a rush that Vanessa didn’t know she needed. Being the one to make Brooke squirm, hands reaching up to pinch her own nipples because she’s already so needy, wanting more. It’s a role reversal, one that Vanessa wants to take her time with, fully explore the woman underneath her.

“Please.” The word leaves Brooke’s lips in a gasp when Vanessa grabs just a little bit harder at her hip, kisses her neck with a slight graze of her teeth.

“Nuh-uh.” Vanessa catches Brooke’s hand as it’s about to go to her own panties to give herself some relief. “You gotta be good for me.”

Brooke huffs, tries to free her hand, but Vanessa interlocks their fingers, pressing their hands up on the bed beside Brooke’s head.

“Much better.” Vanessa practically purrs the words in Brooke’s ear before biting lightly at her earlobe, making her gasp.

It’s so different from the club to Vanessa, being the one that gets to be in control. The one who can touch Brooke and control the pace and call the shots, all to make the woman underneath her fall apart. It’s not what Vanessa had expected from the night before it started, but now? She doesn’t want it to ever end.

Brooke is bold, though, more so than Vanessa expects her to be, grinding herself down on Vanessa’s thigh to get some relief. The little gasp of pleasure that leaves her mouth makes Vanessa pull her leg back, sit back on her heels, a slight satisfaction running through her veins when Brooke whines.

“Hey!” Brooke pouts, crossing her arms in a way that’s almost endearing. “Come on, don’t tease me like that.”

“Behave, then I won’t have to.” Vanessa shrugs. There’s silence for a moment, Brooke frowning slightly as she weighs her options, until Vanessa decides she’s had enough.

“All I wanna hear is yes, ma’am, then I can go back to makin’ you feel good.” she leans forward to whisper in Brooke’s ear, preventatively reaching her hands up to Brooke’s wrists to pin them down. “You understand?”

Brooke whimpers, and Vanessa pulls away again, forcing her face into a stern expression despite the excitement she can feel spreading in her body. It’s exhilarating, finally being able to call the shots. To see this entirely different side of Brooke, to get to play with it and explore it, explore her.

It’s almost enough to make her cave, but then again, what would be the fun in that?

“I understand.” Brooke finally gives in, the surrender coming out all in one hot, quick breath.

“Good girl.” Vanessa smirks. Realizing she could probably take it even further, traces her hands from Brooke’s wrists up her arms, towards her collarbones as she teases, “Now ask me nicely, baby, be polite.”

There’s a fifty-fifty chance that Brooke won’t buy it, that Vanessa’s headed for another power-struggle. Brooke is a smart woman, though, so she simply huffs before whining something out under her breath, something that sounds a lot like please.

Unfortunately, that’s just not quite good enough for Vanessa, not when she’s in this kind of mood.

“What was that?” Vanessa brings her fingers down from Brooke’s collarbone along her chest, tracing just shy of her cleavage but not daring to venture any further. “Come on, nice and loud, baby girl.”

She brings her hands down to pinch Brooke’s nipple just as she cries out her plea a little louder, a little more desperate.

“Please fuck me .”

“Better.” Vanessa lets her touch become tender, loosening her tight grip on Brooke’s tits to gently trace circles around her nipple, smiling against Brooke’s jaw as the blonde shivers underneath her.

“So pretty when you’re all undone like this, you know that?” Vanessa kisses her way down to Brooke’s neck, sucks lightly on the skin there. “Can I bite you here, or you can’t get marked?”

“Yeah, no, don’t bite me.” Brooke pants, beginning to squirm when Vanessa answers by humming her understanding against her skin. “I can’t get marked up in my industry. Ruins the illusion.” She lets out a harsh laugh, but Vanessa only nods. She doesn’t want to do anything to make trouble for Brooke at her job.

“I’ll be careful, then.”

Vanessa threads her fingers through Brooke’s hair instead and grabs a fistful. She tugs slightly, relishing in the way it makes Brooke gasp.

“Looks like I ain’t even need to bite to get you excited.” Vanessa laughs, kissing the nape of Brooke’s neck lightly and scraping it with her teeth, just enough for Brooke to feel the near-sting of a bite and not enough to mark her.

It earns her another gasp, and she files the move away for later, a flash of satisfaction running through her as she tugs on Brooke’s locks a little more, her other hand running down the blonde’s body and leaving goosebumps in its wake.

“So pretty, baby.” Vanessa rasps in Brooke’s ear, and fuck, if the sight of Brooke coming undone underneath her isn’t enough to take Vanessa to the edge, then the noise Brooke makes at the praise certainly is. Vanessa can’t wait any more. So instead, she finally guides her hand home between Brooke’s legs, and starts to work some kind of magic.

“Oh, fuck .” Brooke gasps, so out of breath and desperate that Vanessa can’t help but shiver despite herself as she rubs Brooke through her underwear, feeling the fabric become slicker with every movement as Brooke’s hips twitch back into Vanessa’s hand.

“ More, more, Ness, please. ” Brooke’s voice is barely her own, and it’s cute, somehow, watching her become this much of a mess this early on into things. It’s incredibly tempting; Vanessa almost wants to keep teasing, wants to see just how far she can push Brooke before the woman really, truly loses control, but she stops herself, knowing that Brooke is already close enough to her limit.

Besides, she may be done teasing, but in terms of making Brooke feel good, well. She’s just getting started.

“Let’s take these off, sweetheart.” the pet name falls off Vanessa’s lips easily, despite how strange it feels to be using it for Brooke instead of hearing it directed towards herself. One look at Brooke, though, and Vanessa can tell that the other woman doesn’t mind–in fact, she almost looks more comfortable somehow, reassured, as if the affection the name holds is making things even better. And to a certain extent, it is, even for Vanessa. She’s not just fucking Brooke anymore; she’s making love to her sweetheart.

She wonders, for a brief moment, if Brooke had felt the same way in the club, or if sweetheart was something she called all of her clients. But the thought leaves her mind almost as instantly as it entered it; right now, it doesn’t really matter, because Brooke is squirming and bucking and gripping the sheets, desperately trying to be good and not get ahead of herself as she waits for Vanessa to make good on the promise she just delivered.

“So patient for me.” Vanessa praises, her heart melting a little as she finally hooks her fingers over the waistband of Brooke’s underwear and peels it off of her hips. “Good girl.”

Brooke says nothing, only lets out a shaky exhale, and that’s when Vanessa gets what just might be the best idea she’s had all night.

“Sit on my face.”

Brooke looks up at her, and for a moment, Vanessa thinks she might say no, thinks she might say that she’s afraid of hurting Vanessa. Truth is, Vanessa doesn’t know if she will–she’s never actually tried it before. What she does know, though, is that she wants to try it with Brooke, right now.

“You won’t hurt me, I promise–” she starts, but then Brooke shakes her head.

“I’m not worried about that,” she promises, propping herself up on her elbows and then heaving herself up all the way, “I was just thinking that I was gonna have a hard time staying up on my legs.”

They both laugh, and before the air can settle into any more worry, Vanessa slings her arms over and behind Brooke’s neck, and then she’s laying down, Brooke on top of her trailing kisses as she moves up Vanessa’s body, bit of exposed skin by bit of exposed skin until she’s shimmied her way up above Vanessa’s face. She crouches down, uses her height to plant her hands firmly on the headboard for extra support, and then Vanessa loses her nerve.

“Um, B?” she starts, only to get cut off by a bemused laugh from the blonde above her.

“You’ve never done this before, have you, sweetheart?”

Vanessa reddens and says nothing, suddenly painfully aware of how fast the tables have turned. She doesn’t have much time to feel embarrassed though, because Brooke has already settled into her newfound control and is already taking care of Vanessa, shifting her weight so that she can free a hand to stroke through Vanessa’s hair.

“It’s alright,” she soothes, “Just let mommy teach you, okay? I’ll tell you what to do.”

Vanessa nods, grateful that Brooke didn’t choose to make fun of her for getting insecure. No, Brooke has proven time and time again that she’s not like that, and so Vanessa feels safe as she follows Brooke’s directions to grab her by her hips and lower her down, pull her chin up and breathe through her nose while she reaches her tongue up to just eat Brooke out like she normally would, just like that, keep going, keep going, faster, faster–

Brooke’s legs start to tremble, and Vanessa realizes that for the past few moments, she hasn’t said anything at all–at least, not any coherent words. The only sounds leaving Brooke’s lips are soft gasps that spur Vanessa on more, making her grip Brooke’s upper thighs tighter to pull her closer.

“Just like that, you’re doing so good, baby-”

Brooke’s praises are cut off in a moan that Vanessa’s sure the neighbours can hear, but it doesn’t matter. The way Brooke is moving her hips against her face makes Vanessa never want to stop, not when she can get Brooke so undone without even making her come yet.

But she’s close. Vanessa can tell by the way one of Brooke’s hands has left the headboard to nestle in Vanessa’s hair, pushing her head closer, begging for it without using words. Brooke doesn’t seem like she can, from the incoherent sounds leaving her mouth.

The fact that Vanessa’s the one to make Brooke like this? Getting her so worked up, after being the one at Brooke’s mercy twice before? It’s intoxicating, a feeling of power that Vanessa’s never really felt before.

But she loves it.

Vanessa can feel her fingers making indents in Brooke’s upper thighs as she squeezes them, matching Brooke’s movements. She looks up from her position, sees the way Brooke’s head is tilted back, the way her lips are slightly parted in a gasp. She sucks on Brooke’s clit, lets out a little moan against her as she does.

“I- fuck , Ness, I-”

Brooke’s words are cut off in a soundless scream and Vanessa doesn’t stop, meeting the jerky movements of her hips until Brooke is pushing off of her, rolling onto the bed beside her.

Her chest is rising and falling erratically and she looks fucked out and Vanessa’s never seen a more beautiful sight in her life.

“Take your time, catch your breath.” Vanessa can’t help the smirk on her face as Brooke turns to lay on her side and face her, rolling her eyes with a smile on her face.

“That was amazing, baby. You did so well for me, did you know that?” Brooke purrs the words as she trails shaky fingers up Vanessa’s arm and shoulder and along her collarbone, and Vanessa feels her cheeks heating up at the praise.

“Such a good girl.” Brooke seems to have caught her breath, sitting back up before climbing back on top of Vanessa. Except the power’s shifted, and Vanessa gulps, squeezing her thighs together.

Because the sight of Brooke straddling her, hair tickling her face before she tosses it out of the way, over her shoulder?

Vanessa’s weak for it.

“No, baby girl, you’re not hiding from me.” Brooke tsks as she spreads Vanessa’s legs apart, shaking her head. Vanessa, for her part, finds herself unable to say anything at all; she’s only able to let out a little squeak as Brooke slots herself between her legs and begins to grind against nothing but the air between them. With every thrust, every swing of her hips, Brooke lowers herself a little closer to Vanessa, almost looking like she might close the distance. But then Brooke giggles, pulls back up, or worse, stops moving at all, and Vanessa’s left ineffectively humping the air, whining with desperation.

It’s absolutely maddening, and Vanessa could do it forever.

Finally, Brooke closes the distance between them, rubbing and grinding herself up against Vanessa, grinning as Vanessa’s slickness meets her own.

“Get up, I wanna try something.” Brooke already has her hands supporting Vanessa’s back, guiding her up as she says it.

“You ever tribbed before?” Brooke continues, giggling affectionately when Vanessa shakes her head, blushing. “Night of firsts for you, huh?” she winks, and Vanessa can’t help but giggle a little too, though she’s not sure whether it’s more out of nerves or excitement.

“Okay, put your legs like this, good girl… Now scootch towards me, and I’ll go here…” Brooke guides them together until they’re fit like puzzle pieces, one of Brooke’s legs over Vanessa’s shoulders and one of Vanessa’s boxing Brooke in close to her in turn.

“Now c’mere.” It’s the last thing Brooke says before she pulls Vanessa forward to close any distance left between them, and then they’re kissing, they’re kissing and grinding and feeling each other, the wet sounds of sex filling the room.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Vanessa barely recognizes the voice coming out of her mouth as her own, can barely see through the clouds covering her vision as she moves faster up against Brooke, the other woman responding only with huffs and whimpers as she meets each of Vanessa’s thrusts with equal force.

“You gonna come for me, angel? You gonna come for mommy?” Brooke finally grunts out, and yes, Vanessa’s going to come, she’s going to come, she needs to come so badly she can hardly hold it in–

“Ask me for it, baby. Show me how bad you want it.”

As if to cement her point, Brooke changes her pace, going both slower and yet somehow harder than before, and Vanessa is gone, unable to let her pride hold her back any longer.

“Please mommy, please, please let me come, please may I come, oh my God, I need to come, I need to come, I need to–”

“Come, baby, come for mommy.”

They come together, their moans overlapping and intertwining until Vanessa can’t tell who’s feeling what, whose sounds she’s even hearing, and then, gradually, everything is calm. They continue to rut against each other until they’ve both come down from their orgasms, only to separate and finally collapse back onto the bed, completely spent.

“You got two, no fair.” Vanessa pouts as she wiggles closer, nestling into Brooke’s arms. Brooke cocks an eyebrow and reaches down to begin lazily teasing at Vanessa’s clit, but the shorter girl only yelps, twisting away.

“So sensitive.” Brooke teases, “You sure you want another, babe?”

Vanessa sticks out her tongue, but snuggles close again despite herself. “All I’m saying is, you owe me one.”

“I know.” Brooke giggles, kissing Vanessa’s forehead and squeezing her tightly. “But let’s save that for our second date.”

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #branjie #lesbian au #smut #fluff #living in sin #writworm42 #holtzmanns #tw mommy kink

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morphogenetic · 6 years ago

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why you should play the ds version of 999 first and not the nonary games version: a thread

excuse the formatting of this bc im copying it from my twitter as text, but: why you shouldn’t play the nona/ry games version of 999 on your first run, a thread. lots of this has been said by other people too but i figured i would condense my opinions + what other people have said. 999 spoilers ofc, also vague vlr spoilers later on but the 999 spoilers are a lot worse lmao.

this is ABSURDLY long and i am sorry but tl;dr spoiler free version: buy tng anyway so you can easily play vlr in hd and to support the games, but play 999 on either a ds or an emulator if you have to because boy howdy the story is really meant for this platform (if you’re replaying 999 in the tng version after originally playing the ds version none of this applies LMAO)

(also this isn't meant to at ALL be angry at people who played the t/ng port first! im sad y'all didn't get to experience the dual screen version, but at this point t/ng is much more accessible and a lot of people don't even KNOW about the ds-original thing, so it's not your fault!! like i WISH to god that they had ported it in some dual-screen/two-screen way, but the fact that they didn't isn't anyone's fault. ok end this part y'all are so valid i just feel sad that you didnt experience the game in its Best State)

spoilers below the cut

1) the big one: the implementation of the dual screen thing. they were always going to have a hard time implementing this on not-a-3ds, but i'll start with the non-spoilery part: action mode...is bad. the fact that they force you into it. is bad. novel mode is more passable but the fact that they default you into a mode with nearly 95% dialogue-only, in a visual novel, is..pretty gross, and the fact that they force-switch you into novel mode sometimes anyway is. maybe an indication that having a 95% dialogue route in a visual novel...wasnt good

they EASILY could have done a split-screen mode instead, and while that wouldn't have been ideal either, it would still have allowed for the incorporation of both screens simultaneously without having to make compromises

also, petty spoiler thing, but some of the dialogue rewrites to make action mode flow better took out one of my fave pieces of foreshadowing. the main example of this is in junpei's flashback thing to getting kidnapped near the beginning of the game. in t/ng, they had him voice the 'huh, did i leave that open?' line, with respect to his window being open because, you know, zero 'bout to kidnap him. in the original, this is /not/ on the top screen (i.e. voiced by junpei) - it's on the bottom screen. without quotes, i.e. it's not something he's thinking but it's there, in the same formatting as the rest of the descriptions. in other words.....zero is the one saying 'huh, did i leave that open?' in real time, foreshadowing the dual screen twist. this is SO minor in comparison to everything else for SURE but the fact that this got left out still makes me so sad bc i LOVED it. anyway.

(also the fact that the narrative mode twist of all the random gore descriptions being food-like makes WAY more sense in retrospect with the dual screens, because of course a fucking 12 year old wouldn't know how else to describe gore lmao. this is kind of lost in t/ng because it makes it out to be more of something that jun/pei is thinking but i digress. dual screen for dual protagonists good thanks)

2) (YES IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO GET HERE. SH) the final puzzle.....in t/ng....fucking sucks. not only because the puzzle itself sucks, which uh...it does (PASSWORD IS THE PASSWORD?? FUCKING REALLY??). but a) it loses the theme-ing of the sudoku itself since, yknow. 9s everywhere but,

b) more importantly, it just...doesn't have the same punch to it. even ignoring the fact that the sudden upside-down-ness is one of the best ways i've ever seen a puzzle suddenly hit you with a plot twist/a revelation, in this case the 'oh shit, we were solving puzzles from akane's viewpoint the whole time and /only now/ are we truly doing it with junpei being the input source' is just. fucking masterful. explaining this is so hard but i promise it makes sense. like obviously the twist w the dual perspectives thing is revealed right before but the fact that they suddenly (literally) flip the entire game on its head is just. *chef kiss* so good.

also, adding to this, c) the fact that the tn/g version took out the fact that you were seeing baby!kane's face while you were doing the sudoku just adds to the emotional impact of the puzzle. like, in that moment, the puzzle itself isn't the relevant factor, it's the fact that you're doing the puzzle to save her. i no joke started fucking CRYING irl when that happened bc of how hard that hit me emotionally and the fact that they didn't even have something to mimic that in t/ng makes me so goddamn sad. it's not about the puzzle, its about Saving someone via the puzzle, and they just...removed that part. h

(also another dual screen thing here bc i forgot to add it earlier: the constant perspective-swapping thing during the true end feels much less awkward on the ds since you can just naturally shift your eyes between the screens. again, minor, and there probably was never going to be a great way to implement this with a single screen regardless, but it really does flow so much better with two screens. 3ds port of tn/g when)

3) finally, a more Controversial Opinion, but the timeline flow, while absolutely great for replays, kind of ends up spoiling you on the fact that there are multiple timelines that you have to search through for the truth. i wouldn't have minded this so much if the timeline feature in t/ng only unlocked after you hit your first ending, but they didn't do that - they let you look at it from the very start, which really..misses the point of the game.

(minor vl/r spoilers incoming) in vlr, the fact that you know you have multiple branches from the start makes sense, especially both because it's SUPER obvious that there are branching points (door choices, allying/betraying, etc). obviously 99/9 has choices like that too ala the door choices, but you're actively -not- jumping between timelines. that's the point! because junpei CAN'T jump!! he's an esper, sure, though maybe only one by accident/strong emotional connection [thats a whole different thread LMAO], but the whole point is that he can't make timeline choices in the same way that phi and sigma can literally timeline shift.

(end v/lr spoilers here i think) tl;dr the timeline feature is great for replays bc its super anti-frustration but boy howdy they did not implement it well. final point: the fact that you have to play 999 from the beginning every time you get an end makes sense narratively since akane has to do the same thing - she has to go through the whole route (in junpei's head ofc) over and over, she can't just skip around. again, anti-frustration feature that i'm glad they added, but you still lose something w t/ng this way

like ngl, having to fast forward through things instead of just skipping around is annoying as hell, but akane had to do the same goddamn thing! probably way more than we actually have to do it in the game, tbh. definitely this is me prioritizing certain limitations of the ds hardware as important to the narrative but you really do end up missing out if you can just skip at will

4) very minor thing that isnt actually a plot thing at all but some of the puzzle dialogue is infinitely funnier when you have the ability to see the characters on the top screen talking at the same time you have the puzzle stuff on the bottom screen. this mostly applies to all the stuff with the cards w all the player faces on them in the...cargo room? like it's still funny without it but somehow seeing santa talking about himself on the card when he says 'that's one handsome son-of-a-bitch!' is 500x funnier when you literally see him TALKING about himself

JESUS FUCK THIS IS LONG IM SO SORRY IF YOURE ON MOBILE

#zero escape #am i tagging this? yeah. it needs to be said lmao #999 #9 hours 9 persons 9 doors #nine hours nine persons nine doors #ok to rb #long post #(i mean i put it under a cut but. jic)

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beebomeebo · 8 years ago

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Numb

Type: fluff

Request// “do you do anything besides smut? if so, can you do a fluff about a girl who's really depressed because her dad and stepmom are total assholes and brenny walks in on her relapsing and everything is all cute and cuddly bc they cry together and i need to be in a fucking relationship when that happens oml”

(A/N) Ahahahahahah sorry guys for being dead for so long, it has NOT been the best year for me but I'm dedicated to get more stuff done and get my shit together. & omg guys, thank you so much for 400 followers!! I’m sitting here in bed at 3:56 in the morning almost crying because I didn’t think my writing was that likable. Anyways, have a dribble drabble

Warnings: sneaky Bren, crying, the tiniest bit of angst, self-doubt, back talking, slight physical fight as well as verbal, cursing, :) fluffy Bren (: , !!no smut!!

Pairing: Brendon Urie x Reader

Word Count: 2.2K

I finally arrive home after a very long day at school. As I walk through my front door I slightly lower my shoulder so my backpack can slide off and heavily meet the wood floor. I throw my hair into a messy ponytail before slugging myself over to the couch. All I wanted at this moment was a nice nap.

I cross into the main hallway and into the living room. Not even bothering to walk around the couch I flip over from the back of it. Landing face down, the fluffy cushions mold to my body as I reach for a throw pillow to place my head on. Right as I close my eyes I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I groan quietly to myself as I dig it out. Keeping my half my face buried into the pillow I bring the screen to my face to read the text message.

Brendon :)

Hey, how did school go?

Too tired to write a real response I type:

Stupid. Gonna sleep, txt u l8r

I then toss my phone onto the coffee table and melt into the warm couch cushions.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

“Y/N! Y/N!”

I’m abruptly yanked out of my dream. My vision goes from black to hazy to a blur. And as my eyes adjust to my surroundings I feel a soft object collide with my face.

“Y/N! Wake up right now!” I turn to realize that my bitch of a stepmother, Sara, had thrown a pillow at me. “I specifically told you to clean the bathroom and the kitchen when you got home. And what have you been doing for the past two hours?”

I peel myself from the couch and glance over at the clock to notice, indeed, that two hours have passed. “Uh, sleeping?”

Obviously very pissed, Sara mumbles between her teeth, “Worthless child.”

“I’m sorry, what?” I retaliate.

“I said, ‘worthless child.’” She replies, this time slightly louder. “All you do around here is eat our food and sleep. You never do chores, you never do anything for this family.”

“What the fuck do you mean I don’t do anything? I literally just gave your dumbass dog a bath.”

“Do not use that language with me.”

“Or what, Sara? Or fucking what?” My blood begins to boil as Sara’s face turns with anger. With my adrenaline up, I quickly stand to face Sara. I was a good five inches taller so I wasn’t really scared of her. Just as I was about to turn around to retire to my bedroom Sara quickly raises her hand and strikes it across my cheek. I stumble slightly but quickly regain my balance. Now beyond pissed, I shove Sara into the kitchen counter behind her and her back collides with the marble. She falls to the ground clutching her back.

She picks her head up and looks up at me. “Go live with your fucking mother.”

“Fuck you.” I spat and then stormed into my room, making sure to grab my phone from the coffee table.

As I was leaving, Sara shouted, “Nobody loves you, you ungrateful brat.”

I shoved earphones into my head and turned the volume as high as it can go. Then I just lay there in my bed, looking up at my ceiling. My vision becomes blurry as droplets of water develop in my eyes and then disappear down my face as I blink them away. Soon, I can only see blurry before I completely shut my eyes and just weep. A small puddle forms on my pillow where my tears have landed. I try to lose myself in the loud songs that played through my headphones but I couldn’t help replay those words: “Nobody loves you.” It was as if my head was a broken stereo and those words were the only songs that would play.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I stopped crying about twenty minutes ago and now was blankly staring up at my ceiling, imagining what it would be like if my dad never met Sara.

A whole lot better. I thought to myself.

After a few minutes of creating my perfect life with just my dad- one where he never went to that bar and met Sara- I hear a muffled tapping noise through my blaring music. I quickly sit up to see if it was my dad coming in to yell at me. But my door remained closed and unmoved. Shrugging it off as just my imagination I lay back down but here it again. I jerk myself upright and this time I lower my music volume and take an earbud out.

“Yes?” I say quietly. No response. Then, the tapping noise starts up again, this time a bit louder and aggressive. It catches my attention that the sound was coming from my window. Tap tap tap. Unaware of what was waiting for me on the other side of the glass, I grab my softball bat that I kept in the corner of my room. As I slowly creep toward my purple curtains a faint silhouette starts to appear; as I step closer and closer the figure becomes taller and taller. Fear surges through me like lightning as I become only inches away from the sheer that masked the figure. Tap tap tap. I close my eyes, take the deepest breath my lungs can receive, and gather every ounce of courage that I have. Swiftly unmasking the window, I raise my weapon in anticipation of an attack. The figure becomes recognizable from the tall, dark hair to the sharp line of their jaw. I pause in space as my mind races to attach a name to the face.

“Brendon.” I breathe with relief mixed with surprise.

“Y/N, let me in! And why are you wielding a bat?” The boy says through the glass.

“What are you doing here?” I asked hushed so Sara wouldn’t hear me. Setting the bat against the wall I unlock the window and lift the glass so Brendon can crawl through.

“You weren’t answering my calls and texts and I got worried.” He says to my back as I close the window and pull the curtains over to cover it. I sigh in response.

“I just haven’t been in the mood to talk to anyone,” I say turning around to meet him.

Brendon’s face shifts from soft to concern as his eyebrows furrow and his puffed lips gap open. His stocky fingers gently graze the side of my face that had previously made contact with Sara’s palm. My eyes darted to his shoes. He wore his favorite worn sneakers and I noticed there was still dirt on them from waiting outside the window.

“Don’t tell my Sara did this.” His voice was stern yet soft.

I stayed silent, scared that if I speak my words will catch in the back of my throat. I clench my jaw to pull back tears that were forming.

Brendon cloaks me with his arms as I’m pulled into his chest. My arms wrap around his torso and hold tightly onto him. We stand there for a moment in perfect silence.

“What did Ms. Skank do this time?” Brendon asks gently pulling away from me and pulling me toward the bed to sit down.

I sat on my cross leg next to him as I relive the entire scene, making sure to tell Brendon every moment I could recall.

“’Go live with your mother?’ What kind of person says that type of thing?” He asks with disbelief.

I shrug, staring at my wood floor. “She knew it would hurt me. That’s why she said it.” I feel the similar adrenaline kick as my heart picks up speed. My jaw clenches, my fists close tightly, and my body stiffens as I reply every moment that Sara has made me feel worthless and stupid. Then I think of my mom, how gentle she would be, how understanding. My muscles soften at the memories of her.

Noticing my change in mood, Brendon squeezes my hand and pulls me to his chest. I rest my head on his shoulder and he rubs my arm.

“I miss her so much.” I finally whisper, teardrops hitting Brendon’s leg.

“I know, I know.” He hushes, gently placing a kiss in my hair.

I break away from him. “You know, if I hadn’t gone to that party this never would have happened.” I choked.

“Y/N, don’t blame yourself. This is not your fault.” Brendon’s puppy dog eyes scan my face and I notice that a thin film of water was developing on his bottom lash line.

I break away from his eye contact and lower my head to hide my face. “Sometimes I wish I was with her. Forever.”

Stumbling on his words Brendon chokes, “Please don’t ever say that, Y/N. I need you. You’re the only thing that’s real in this shit hole of a town. If you left I don’t know what I would do.”

I finally gather the strength to look up at Brendon; his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, there were small rivers running down his face and his bottom lip quivered. I crash into his chest and let all my emotions go. All the pain and hurt that I’ve been bottling up pours out of like a waterfall as I clutch onto Brendon. He began sobbing along with me. In that moment, we were both vulnerable. Yet, together, we were strong.

After what felt like ages, the sobbing calms and we’re both just left holding each other. I break away to wipe my smeared makeup off my face but Brendon beats me to it. “I’m sorry for being such an ugly crier,” I whisper into his hand.

“Join the club.” He chuckles and I catch a glimpse of the hairpin curl of his smile.

I smile weakly at his joke.

“Why don’t we get you cleaned up and watch some movies, huh?” He raises and offers his hand.

I nod and accept his hand in mine as he leads me to my bathroom. I blankly stare into my mirror as Brendon turns on the shower. My body feels numb and exhausted from crying and all I can do is stare at my reflection. Noticing my lack of movement Brendon wraps his arms around my waist and rests his head on my shoulder. I hold his strong arms. We make eye contact through the reflection and I become lost in his deep brown eyes.

“You know, you’re the most beautiful girl at school.” He speaks to me. “I was so nervous to speak to you last year. And when you said yes to going on that date- after like, five attempts- I was beyond excited. You make me feel like a kid in a candy shop.” His cheesy words force my cheeks to redden and I try to muffle my laughter. “And you taste just as sweet.” He winks and smiles at his own humor.

I roll my eyes and break away from his grip. “Ok. It’s time for you to leave.” I laugh as I playfully shove him out of the bathroom.

“The way you scream my name is so sexy!” He says quickly before I close the door on him.

“Shut up!” I yell through the door. Once in peace, I grin like an idiot. Stripping my clothes off my body I feel the water and once naked, I step into the steaming chamber. Every muscle relaxes as I lose myself in the water.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I turn off the shower and step onto my bathmat. The yarn bristles tickle the space in between my toes. I reach for my towel and wrap it around my wet body. Opening the door, I notice Brendon sitting on my bed flipping through Netflix. His attention switches to me.

“Feel better?” He smiles.

“A little,” I answer making my way to my closet.

“Oh, I already got your PJs ready.” He lifts a pile of fabric that was at his side. I smile and take the clothing from him.

We stare at each other for a moment before he gets the idea and turns his back to me. I face my back to him as I let the towel drop to my feet. And quickly slip on the warm, soft fabric. I turn around to a smiling Brendon.

“Were you watching the entire time?” I laugh, chucking the towel at his head, landing on his head and drapes over his face.

“Maybe.” He sings through the towel. “You’re just so sexy.” He chuckles, removing the towel from his face.

I roll my eyes while I take my place next to him. “So, what are we watching?”

“Well, I was thinking either Finding Dory or Minions.” He showcases the most childlike grin.

“Really?” I say sarcastically, “Kid movies?”

“Finding Dory it is!” He pecks my cheek and clicks on the movie title. I roll my eyes as he pulls me to his chest. Shuffling my body, I adjust to cuddle up to him. My arm drapes perfectly around his torso and I feel the steady movements of his breathing. Brendon nestles his face against my hair, planting a kiss on it. “You know I love you, right?”

“Shut up and watch the movie.” I tease.

“Well fuck you, too, then.”

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deputy-hawk · 7 years ago

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some more unnecessary notes

part 3 rewatch:

the logo this time around is a black and white background with a flashing yellow centre

and currently my internet connection is so bad that all i’m seeing is this which is GREAT:

ideal for picking out details

the purple clooouuudd

that shot we get of the dark, endless ocean with the sound of the wind in our ears and the sense that we’re going to be there forever. i feel like i’m not the only person who’s had this exact dream before??

just..... imagine the relief of all that calm purple after 25 years of nothing but harsh red and disorienting zigzags. you can see him sighing as he looks out.

watching this naido scene is consistently a v visceral experience

there’s something about the start-stop/rewind-replay movement that really gets to me. it’s got the unreality of a stop motion animation.

i’m not good with audio jump scares and i can never quite prepare myself for that crashing sound against the door

ffr: naido’s electrical socket is number 15

naido trying to explain how the bell-shaped machine works and cooper just frustratedly shaking his head like “there is absolutely no point in you even trying” is a hashtag relatable moment

that shot where she turns to him just before she pulls the lever (which i think she knows will probably kill her/throw her into space), looking all poised and determined?

idk about anyone else but i’m ready to die for her

the sounds though, THE SOUNDS

the first time i saw it, major briggs’ disembodied head floating in to tell us “bluuue rooose” was almost inadvertently hilarious? but this time around i’ve got chills

coop’s mannerisms are just so COOP, he is so careful and perceptive here???

and there’s the actual Blue Rose

about “American Girl”: i doubt this will ever be confirmed or denied to us in any way at all, but in my mind this might be where ronette’s consciousness found itself when she was in her coma

either that or she’s the woman from the original Blue Rose mystery?

whatever the case, i’m really glad phoebe augustine got such a cool cameo

(her electrical portal is number 3 btw)

the music/sound when she slowly turns around to face him. it’s the sound of the alarm from part 8, but far far away. sounds like heavy breathing through an oxygen tank underwater. some good stuff.

the first time i watched this i was with my sister and we were both cheering for coop to leap triumphantly out of the cigarette lighter in doppelcoop’s car. we were... so much younger then.

“you’d better hurry, my mother’s coming” is still chilling af

his shoes dropped, but where did his pin go? is he ever gonna get that back? will he even want it back?

i still think doppelcoop’s Nearly Projectile Vomiting sounds are alarmingly similar to the noises coop listens to on the gramophone with the fireman

COME ON COOP, SQUEEZE YOUR WAY OUT OF THAT CIGARETTE LIGHTER

he didn’t and i knew that he wouldn’t because i have in fact seen this episode four times.

it’s okay though. in this house we love and support dale cooper.

JADE’S HERE

on very much a surface level i like to think the yellow of the rancho rosa logo in this episode = dougie’s terrible mustard suit jacket + jade’s equally terrible bright yellow car

athough it was actually probably meant to be a golden orb

doppelcoop has genuine terror on his face when he sees the red curtains

“someone… manufactured… you…” but HOW al strobel, HOW???

tbh dougie’s golden orb soul gives me distinct tshotp jack parsons vibes in ways i am not intelligent enough to articulate

i can’t believe there was a time when i thought “it’s not about the bunny” was going to be the comedic high point of an otherwise slightly bleak series. that was long ago. a time before wally brando.

okay i’ve remembered now that actually this scene is perfect in every way and that michael horse is the love of my life

obviously everybody knows i love hawk, i’m not subtle about that fact, but please understand that i thought he was going to get two or maybe three scenes tops?? can you even believe this blessed world we live in

coincidentally, considering the significance of “jack rabbit’s palace”, it kind of was about the bunny all along

i firmly believe that THE main theme of this season has been small acts of kindness changing the course of one man’s life. jade gets coop further along than anyone else does just by being a loving and considerate person.

“hey! you’re gonna need some change.” “some change.” hm. ouch.

the woman who hands him his change is also just incredibly gentle and reassuring. there are just so many GOOD AND KIND PEOPLE on this show!!!!

i love the whole casino sequence so much and i’m not even sure what makes it such satisfying tv

sabrina sutherland cameo

it feels weird to see people smoking in indoor public places on american tv shows and i keep getting thrown by it, like excuse me sir but that’s illegal

FBI FBI FBI FBI

could this introductory scene have been any more perfect for them

i need to track down whoever is responsible for some of the photoshopping we’ve seen this season:

who did this.

i need to meet them and just look them in the eye for a moment.

gordon’s “the congressman’s dilemma” has exactly the same ring as “the policeman’s dream” – does he have a set of these little catchphrases? bc that wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest

tammy! tammy! tammy!

we all also know how i feel about tammy

gordon’s “what the hell?!” is already iconic, but it is also exactly the same as harry dean stanton’s “what the hell?!” in the cowboy and the frenchman, which should be EQUALLY iconic

albert’s “is it him? …IS IT HIM???” shatters my heart into tiny pieces every time

#rosendale til i die bitches

the closing song: “my angel sings down to me / she's somewhere on the shore waiting for me / with her wet hair and sandy gown / singing songs, waves of sound…”

“you look different from way down here / like a circus mirror i see flashes of you on the surface”

just. what a good episode.

#twin peaks #twin peaks the return #sorry for the long post again #gigi's unnecessary notes

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starkissr · 7 years ago

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would u look at that I just had my first break down in a rly long time

today I honestly thought that things have never been worse for me. but u fucking know what? fuck my anxieties. fuck my fears. fuck every doubt and insecurity that's been replaying in my mind. I literally don't fucking deserve to put myself thru this emotional turmoil anymore than I already have. Friday started stressful. yesterday I relapsed back into my bad bad habit. I didn't even mean to but I couldn't stop it. I knew I was doing it and I couldn't care less and altho I just realized it but the level of dgaf I was abt it and how it got so bad literally so quick scared the fuck out of me. now I see it meant I didn't care abt myself anymore. I did see it was wrong but I rly didn't trust myself to take care of myself so my plan was to tell my most trusted friend n roommate here abt my problem so she could also look out for me and help me a little n yesterday I thought abt it but brushed it off. today I texted her and told her I needed to tell her something when were alone. I was so proud of myself for telling her that bc I was like ok now I can't back out of it and I rly rly have to speak up abt this. I guess I should've emphasized that it was v important to me but anyway she left before we got a chance to talk and that was yet ANOTHER thing that went wrong. I swear I've heard like just numerically more bad news today than I have in my life I think. everytime something else came up n I thought shit can't get fucking worse another thing would pop up n fucking emotionally destroy me all over again. but this one was so shitty bc this girl is MY GIRL n the only one I feel comfortable enough talking abt this and I even told her how I desperately needed a solid cry 2 n she wasn't fucking here for me when I needed her. I'm not mad at her like she's been thru v srs shit as of late too n ik she was stressed and why we weren't able to talk but it still fucking hurt bc all day when the hot tears would flood my eyes I kept trying to tell them and all my shit thoughts to sh go away. I would tell them at the end of the day u will come flooding out and I would stop torturing myself and not hold anything back and just say out loud every fucking last thing that's going wrong rn but then it would be ok bc at least it'd all be out of my head. so like I said I'm not mad at her bc that would just be selfish of me but I'm still hurt and i hate so much that I don't feel comfortable having that conversation w her anymore. I'm scared that no one here knows that I don't feel like I can take care of myself rn. I actually decided right now that it's ok that I don't wanna tell her anymore. I rly can't force myself to make myself feel uncomf and tell her something that deeply personal when I don't have the desire to anymore. but the only reason why I'm ok w that is I just compromised n I'm gonna go to talk to the psychologist at my school tm. even tho I rly can't afford to waste a fucking second of my time this week I literally have to go tomorrow or I'll never go. I've been telling myself for legit 4 years that I would start seeing someone but when it came down to it I would never go bc I would tell myself it's not like I have any like life or death problems anyway n when I would think abt making an appt since it would be scheduled in like 2 weeks I automatically would assume whatever the issue was would go away by then. but I fucking need to do this for myself so even tho I'm not planning on killing myself or anything I honest to fucking god need immediate attn rn and everytime I would consider doing the emergency mtg b4 I would be like oh I'm taking that time away from someone who honestly might wanna kill themself n since of c my problems aren't nearly as valid as that I would just be wasting everyone's time. but I need to be selfish this once. I need help I know I desperately fucking need it but I fucking can't stand myself that even tho ik that I still feel like I'm not worthy of going and getting the help I need. I'm still gonna make myself go but like shit man I should not be thinking that way abt myself. whatever idk I'll try to work on it

anyway I still rly did need to talk to someone even if it wasn't to tell my secret I still needed to vent abt all the other million things that had just gone to shit. I had a weird thing that wasn't a fight but like we never fight so it was just even weirder that happened w my best friend who I never have a problem spilling my heart and my soul to so that also was like ugh but I still woulda been down to call her until I remembered how she just started grad school n has more going on now than ever and that rn wasn't a good time for her. there's this other girl here who just within like the past couple of weeks I've gotten to know better n we just vibe so I thought abt dumping my shit on her but then I felt stupid bc I was literally just w her all day n of c now after she left I feel like bitching abt all my shit but I was like that's not a good enough reason to not talk to her so I decided to reach out

I honestly dk what I would've done if she hadn't been there for me. if ur actually reading this ridiculous thought process no like I said I wasn't gonna kms but that anxiety attack was sooooo bad n I've had my fair fucking share so I don't say that lightly but regardless I'm sosososoosososo grateful to her for being there n hearing out all my irrational concerns and being patient n eventually talking sense into me. I felt so vulnerable at first bc even tho she already knew abt some of what went down I honestly felt ashamed abt these problems I'm facing n it takes me a while to warm up to ppl and be THAT open even if it may not seem like a big deal to some I'm super private w somethings idk but she was so fucking amazing I even did kinda preface or hint or like not in as srs of a way but still did lightly bring up a lil part of my secret. she prob didn't even know it but that was so cool n felt liberating tbh. I'm so happy bc while we were studying earlier today, in a moment when those tears found my eyes again n I was tryna keep my cool n not bawl my eyes out in the library n just take deep breathes I drew this simple as can be flower at the top of my page with a cute smiley right in the flowers center in an effort to make myself feel better n showed it to her n when I was showing it off I decided i would want nothing more than to have this be my next tattoo. she laughed n we just talked n then I was like no but I'm not kidding I rly am getting it. to me it was so real that I was having a day from literal hell but that lil silly flower smiley lit up my insides n made me feel soooooo happy I can't explain n it was just a nice thing to try to redirect my thoughts to bc I already love flowers but idk this drawing is like literally a stroke of genius idc if it sounds crazy n anyway she looks at it longer n told me she honestly rly liked it too n said she would get it tatted n I told her again like I'm so srs this thing is giving me LIFE n she surprised me n said yeah me too n so we decided we would get matching tats n I thought abt all the past friends who I've had this convo w like obv abt diff tattoos but I was just asking myself if I rly would want to share this lil treat w her n I can't explain how but all the other times I've talked abt getting matching tattoos w good friends it just felt like a game and not real but this felt different. I'm so stoked were gonna do this together n the fact that I'll have one of my own doodles on my skin like I just love every bit of it. n I thought abt how it's gonna be so magical even when we graduate how the same smiley flower on me will go and see the world thru her eyes. she's from Dubai so even tho it's sad we can't live in the same city forever idk I genuinely feel like I'll be connected and there w her no matter where we go. it's unbelievable to me just how much of the same person we are n how close we've gotten so fast I'm so blessed to have her in my life

wow what an experience. hopefully tm is better

#mind

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zephyrvm · 5 years ago

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⚰️ + hwa don't @ me u asked for it!!!

« death meme // accepting !!updating files. 「 ☁ 」 ━ *┊ @obciidian fucking @ u bc bitch u deserve to suffer w me after this.

hysterical are the screams and cries that fill the hospital halls , mourning people surround her , taunting her already bleeding heart. but she stills herself, gathers control of her emotions as she pushes through to the front desk . none of other humans matter at this moment , not when her heart is clenching and her questions are unanswered and the moment , she comes across one of the nurses in the station —- she swallows deeply to ease the suffocating feeling that engulfs her whole being . ❛ i’m looking for my son , lim-song seunghwa . can you tell me what room he’s in ? ❜ and even then , her voice feels feeble as she hears herself speak . there was no doubt that ianthina was unstable ever since she received a call from the hospital , woken from her peaceful slumber . her heart had ever since then sunk to the bottom of her stomach when she had heard the nurse on the other side of the phone ask if she was the guardian of lim-song seunghwa . that was all it took to pull her out of her bed and toss on anything her hands could get a hold of . the ride over was s u f f o c a t i n g — trying her best to look at the possibilities that her kid had probably gotten in a fight or some sorts . a few scratches , nothing bad . that she would scold him and then they’ll be back on their way home . she hadn’t even woken up namoo ; the only one that had any knowledge of her sudden raise of emotions was lao , her familiar . his worried eyes were burned into the back of her eyelids whenever she had closed her eyes trying to ease the dreadful sensation that clenched around her heart .

ianthina however , had held onto the f o o l i s h hope that everything would be okay . right, seunghwa wouldn’t be foolish enough —- no , fate wouldn’t be cruel enough to do anything to the child she claimed as hers legally just weeks ago . life wouldn’t rip her child out of her arms like that , not after all the ian had done . seunghwa was her gift . yet , it’s the face of the nurse that makes ian’s eyes begin to water up and her lips start to quiver .

❛ he’s currently in the ICU . ❜

❛ he’s having his stomach pumped as we speak . looks like an overdose , ma’ma . ❜

❛ i’ll lead you to the icu waiting room and the doctor will be with you , once they are done with him . ❜

the nurse’s words set ablaze a dam , causing her tears to roll down her cheeks u n c o n t r o l l a b l y , silent cries that she didn’t want to be heard . words had been replaying in her mind ever since — the scent of disinfectants and sanitation cling to her ; it’s a scent she’s always disliked ever since a child . ian had promised herself to never be in these halls again , but wasn’t life cruel ? last time she had been in a setting like this — crying her eyes out and praying to her gods was when she was only 16. now , she found herself in the same situation and she was thankful that the waiting room was empty , giving her all the chances to think that everything was going to be okay . that the doctors would be able to pull him through , his condition and that he would be back in her arms in a few days time . but how did it get this bad ? why , why would he go and risk his life , why ? so many questions she had to for her son that ian didn’t hear when the door of the waiting room had been opened up . she hadn’t felt sorrow look in the eyes of the doctor as unknown woman stared at the noticeably worried mother hunched over with her legs bouncing with anxiety and visible streaming tears gliding down her cheeks .

c o l d is the hand that is felt over her shoulder as the presence stood in front of her , the young newly made mother weakly looking up as she saw the woman before her . exhaustion was in the other’s features as a meek smile is given , but that isn’t what catches ianthina’s eyes , it’s the look that the woman’s orbs held . the one that had the enchantress’ already reddened eyes water up some more as the hand on her shoulder beckoned her to stand up .

❛ this way , miss song . ❜

the hallways seemed like endless mazes of whites ; ears picked up the numerous amounts of machines , beeping behind closed or opened doors . silence falls over them , neither them speaking as ian merely follows the female doctor . there wasn’t a need to tell her and all honesty , it was a miracle that she hadn’t lost it yet . the enchantress didn’t need the words for it was the eyes of the doctor that said it all . and her heart bled within her chest , a soul shattered as her body trembles , but no words come out . none , not even as they pause in front a large sliding wooden door —- it’s dim inside, but she hears it . no sounds of machines , no soft breathing , no ‘ hi mom ’ . nothing but the silence of death . she didn’t need to hear the doctors words , but they reach her ears as ianthina’s hollow eyes land on the outlining of a body under the white sheets .

❛ we did everything we could , but they brought him in too late . i’m really sorry for your lost. I’ll give you some time before we move him out . ❜

how many times in the day did the doctor have to say that to someone that just lost their world ? she honestly didn’t want to think about it , instead , she weakly steps inside the cold room , not even turning as she slides the door behind her , privacy is what she wanted right now . to be alone with him and it aches .

every part of her soul aches as her steps are l i f e l e s s —- oh reckless foolish boy . how could you leave her without you ? it was like this was what she was waiting for , to be by his bedside before she collapsed on her knees . the pain felt numb to her , nonexist even though she would be sure that tomorrow there would bruises . the young mother didn’t care , not as she allowed her dam to fully break and uncontrollable sobs ripped through her already raw throat. silently , she finds herself resting her head against his still warm hand , the white sheets that covered him soaked up her sorrow as ianthina’s body shook without a care . she was mourning . she was utterly destroyed. broken without repair and it was pain she never felt before , not even when she had lost her father . none of the pain she ever knew before could amount to what she felt at this very moment .

he had only been laughing with her not 10 hours ago . they had just watched a movie after finishing painting his room that new color he had been raving about . seunghwa had just been with her ; smiling at her , laughing with her as he cuddled up to her side . they had been happy , all four of them just hours ago and now ….

❛ please don’t leave me , seunghwa . please fates give me back my son . give him back to me . ❜ she weeps , calling out to the world around her . calling out to his soul if he was still here . how could she just accept this , accept that he would no longer be there with her . that she would no longer see that radiant aura of his . that seunghwa would no longer crawl in her bed late at night when he couldn’t sleep . ❛ hwa , come back to me . don’t leave me . how can you leave me ? you foolish boy . you told me no more . you told me you would stop , that you would be clean . ❜ he made promises to her that he would no longer be in that world of risk . he had looked so honest too . he was going clean and swearing off the drugs , he promised her that he was so why — why did he break it ? ❛ the cruelest thing you can do is make me live without you , hwa . i finally made you my son and you leave me . how can i live without your annoying little whines when you want something . or the way you smile when you see artemis sleeping . why , why do you expect me to live without your hugs and endless ramble ? ❜

she didn’t want to , even if the reality was right before her . even as she felt his body being stripped of his warmth , turning cold under her palms . she didn’t want this . she would give anything to have him back . anything to have him back in her arms . how could a mother outlive her son ? and that moment —- those that passed his closed door bared witness to the unadulterated heartbreaking screams and sobs of a mother that had just lost it all . the songs of her lost , ripped out of her soul , as she mourns what she treasured the most in life.

the loss of her universe , of her child .

#obciidian #ft: seunghwa #❪ 🔮 • ‘ child of the earth and magic ’ : ❫ ask replies ｡#tw: mentions of overdose #tw: death #{ hwa and ian's tag tba }#❪ ☁️ • hit the — : ❫ queue ｡#{ i hate u right now.. WHY .. WHY WOULD U MAKE ME WRITE THIS???}#{ I THOUGHT U LOVED IAN...}#{ legit shed a few tears writing this. im senstive af rn . don't touch me }#{ cry.}#{ also i dont hate u . i love u buhhh i don't like u rn for making me write this pain...}#{ THIS PAIN... UR MEAN}

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artificialqueens · 7 years ago

Text

Just The Game We're In- Chapter 7, Part 1 (Ortega)

A/N: hello all i’m v tired!!!!! here is part one of two of chapter 7 bc i didn’t want to subject mobile users to mental amounts of scrolling again! thank u to everyone that’s shown love and interest in this fic, it honestly warms my heart and means the world to me. sadly, I can’t say when you’ll all see me again. I start my job in 2 weeks and I don’t have part 2 written yet, but i’m going to try to make time for writing so that you guys aren’t left hanging. i love and appreciate u!!! thanks to the amazing Dottie, my aq brits gals, and especially pureCAMP who motivated me to write the final two sections with a speed that will probably never be paralleled again. love u all!!!!

Plot Summary: Willam is a senior political advisor to the government’s minister for social affairs and citizenship, Sharon Needles. Throw in a crush on co-worker Courtney, Sharon acting weird around Willam’s colleague Alaska, an incompetent press department headed by Actual Living Zombie Jinkx Monsoon, and Willam’s job couldn’t get much more stressful. No wonder spin doctor Bianca Del Rio is permanently at the end of her tether…

Finishing the final line in the leaflet she’d been working on, Willam hit the save button in satisfaction. Looking around her desk, she immediately tried to find the to-do list she’d made and crossed off Refugee Housing Policy Literature. She leaned back in her chair and stretched, her back cracking as she interlocked her fingers and lifted her arms high into the air. How long had she been sitting at her desk? Casting an eye over to the clock, she was a little taken aback when she realised it was 5pm. Even if the clock hadn’t been there she probably could have told the time by the office’s human equivalent of a sundial; the comms team were packing up their things, pulling their coats on, and making to leave.

Willam supposed she wasn’t that surprised she’d lost track of time. Truth be told, she had almost lost track of what day it was. For the past two months she’d cocooned herself in her work, throwing herself into each job Sharon gave them as Bianca’s hint at a promotion replayed over and over in her mind like a screensaver. It had been all go at the department pretty much since Sharon’s plane had hit the tarmac at Heathrow airport; her presentation at Brussels had been incredibly well-received and the approval from so many other countries pretty much pressured the Prime Minister into backing the policy and giving it the green light, much to the delight of the department and the chagrin of the opposition. Over the past few weeks, Willam had taken the lead in crafting responses to jabs from Phi Phi both in the media and in parliament, organising positive coverage and press opportunities from the newspapers, and creating the literature that would be given out at the policy’s official launch a month away. She was exhausted, but it was a good exhaustion, like how Willam imagined a runner would feel after completing a sprint- she wouldn’t know, she hadn’t run since she was in school- but this job was a sort of series of sprints, Willam supposed. It was fast-paced and intense and sometimes utterly terrifying, but the euphoria at the end was so worth it.

She honestly hadn’t given Courtney a second thought. And her heart definitely didn’t still jump a little as she looked over to her desk and saw her getting ready to go home. In reality, Willam knew that if she wanted to move up the ladder, she didn’t have time to start anything with anyone, not that Courtney wanted to start anything with her, clearly. Which was fine. Willam was okay with that, in fact she was completely over it. The whole thing had just been a stupid crush, totally fleeting. Courtney was just her friend, that was all.

As Courtney approached her desk, Willam made that little speech to herself in her mind, just to remind herself that if any old feelings decided to pop up during their conversation, it was just a false alarm. Like a fire drill. Not real feelings, just her heart playing tricks on her.

Work was more important.

“Hey,” Courtney smiled, looking at Willam and then at the clock. “A bunch of us are going over to Pearl’s flat for dinner if you want to join. It’ll probably descend into a wine night, and I’ve told them a million times that I have to be up early tomorrow, but of course they won’t listen. You in?”

Courtney’s face seemed so hopeful, and it reminded Willam of how she’d looked at her when she’d asked her to stay at her flat all those months ago, and then when she’d asked her to stay in her bed. Her heart felt as if it was being wrung out. Fire drill, fire drill.

“It sounds great, but I’m going to stay and look at these polls Bianca sent over,” Willam quirked her mouth into an apologetic grimace. Seeing Courtney’s bright expression falter a little, Willam felt compelled to add something that would make it better. “Like you said, early start tomorrow, right?”

Just as Willam had hoped, the smile was back on Courtney’s face. “Oh I’m super excited! The weather’s supposed to be really nice too, and the hotel is apparently amazing!”

Willam couldn’t help but crack a smile. “The weather’s not going to matter. We’ll be stuck in conference rooms 90% of the time. Do you think we can ask to do all the debates outside like in primary school?”

As Courtney gave an amused laugh, Willam felt her heart thud in her chest. Tucking her hair behind her ears, Courtney gave her a shy sort of smile.

“Still, even if it is going to be work guising as a weekend away, I’m looking forward to it. I’m so excited for us to spend time together again,” she said softly, then gave a sort of cough and backed up. “As in, like, all of us. Me, you, Alaska, Sharon. It’ll be fun.”

Willam tried to stop herself reading into what Courtney had said. Fire drill. “Yeah, no. It’ll be good.”

Courtney sort of awkwardly hovered at Willam’s desk, her eyes cast almost nervously to the floor. Willam felt as if she was made entirely of ice, not wanting to move in case she scared her away as if Courtney was some sort of forest animal. Just as Courtney opened her mouth to speak again, Trixie yelled from across the department.

“Is she coming or what? I’m fucking starving!”

Courtney furrowed her brow and flared her nostrils, seemingly annoyed at being interrupted. “No, she’s staying to do work.”

Katya tilted her head to the side and gave Willam an awed look in response to the information. “You’re staying past five again? What the fuck, Willam? You’ve been working harder than Rihanna and Fifth Harmony combined!”

“Well some of us have got to get shit done around here,” Willam shrugged nonchalantly. Turning back to Courtney, she couldn’t help her face softening. “Have a good night. I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early!”

Courtney gave a small laugh she didn’t quite seem committed to. “Can’t wait. Night, Will.”

As Courtney walked away from her desk, Willam noticed her shoulders were sort of slumped.

“Alaska! Pearl’s?” Adore shouted, distracting Willam. Alaska made a pouty face.

“Can’t. I’ve still got the debrief from Brussels to write up,” she groaned, leaning on her palm with her chin.

“That was due ages ago! Sharon’s going to kill you,” Violet gasped, shocked. Alaska leaned back in her chair, her poker face excellent.

“Not if Bianca gets there first. Enjoy your night, ladies.”

Shouting goodbyes across the department, Willam took a moment to think about the weekend ahead. She supposed it wasn’t really the weekend per se; tomorrow was Friday, but it was also the very first day of the party conference, also known as the biggest piss-up of the political calendar. Comms members were left behind in order for MPs, cabinet ministers and their political advisors to let off steam. Sure, the days were filled with debates, speakers and networking, but the evenings were reserved for debauchery. Much as Willam had been throwing herself into her work, she was secretly looking forward to a chance to let her hair down a bit, and even if that chance was only at a Hilton hotel in the South of England then she’d still take it. Her excitement was balanced by a little nervousness, though. Over the weekend Sharon would properly present her policy to the members of her own party for the first time, and the rumblings within the party revealed that there were several ministers who were still frosty towards Dosac as a result of the entire legacy fiasco. Willam could only hope that Sharon would be able to turn the charm on as she was usually able.

Just then, Sharon came out of her office a little furtively, walking towards Alaska’s desk and scanning the office.

“Is that everyone gone?” she asked, her voice low but still audible. Alaska smiled up at her girlfriend, clearly happy to be able to drop the professional charade.

“It’s just Willam. So we’re all good,” she beamed. Sharon smiled back at her and sat on her desk, leaning in and kissing Alaska’s forehead gently.

“I still have a functioning set of eyeballs so let’s keep everything U-rated, you gross sons of bitches,” Willam snorted, trying to pretend she was disdainful but really felt her heart both warming and breaking at how affectionate the two of them were. Alaska moved her mouse with one hand while Sharon held her other, their fingers laced together. Sharon took some time out from gazing adoringly at her girlfriend to shoot a glare Willam’s way.

“That’s a shame, we were looking forward to doing that very secret and bad thing we do with your Sharpies after you go home,” she drawled, earning a snort from Alaska.

“So how are you guys even going to function this weekend anyway? I don’t suppose the hotel’s going to conveniently fuck up another booking?” Willam smirked, clicking onto her emails at the same time. Alaska rolled her eyes.

“Do you think we have a combined IQ of four? No, of course not,” she laughed, then looked up at Sharon. “It’s going to be good old-fashioned sneaking around. Sharon will get a double bed so we just have to make sure the hallways are clear every time I’m going to hers. It’ll be easy.”

“Oh, I’m sure it’ll be very easy. I mean it’s not like the entire party and all their advisors are going to be staying in the same hotel or anything,” Willam looked pointedly at her, feeling a little exasperated.

“Trust me, Willam, we’ll be careful. Just like we’ve been these past five months.”

Trying not to shake her head, Willam just exhaled deeply. She was happy for them both, but she was probably never going to stop worrying about their ticking time bomb of a relationship and how long they both had until they were found out. If they weren’t worried about it, then surely someone had to be? Looking across at them both, she bit her tongue as she saw that Alaska had turned around in her chair and now had both of her hands in Sharon’s, the minister leaning in giving her a sweet kiss. Out of respect, or perhaps nausea, Willam averted her eyes back to her monitor. Sure enough, the polls were there in a mass email from Bianca, along with a reminder of the bi-elections in May. It seemed ridiculously early for a reminder already, but Willam supposed that was how politics worked. Support had to be drummed up well in advance, and she reasoned that she’d probably be approached at the conference by a lot of hopeful potential MPs wanting to worm their way into the House of Commons. Clicking on the PDF file, she scrolled through pie charts and graphs searching for relevant statistics. She was suddenly distracted by a ringing from the phone in Sharon’s office. Looking up, she furrowed her brow at Alaska and Sharon, similar confusion painted over both their faces. Calls weren’t supposed to go through to Sharon’s office unless they had been vetted by Jinkx, and Jinkx had already left. If it was Bianca or somebody else from within the party, they’d contact Sharon’s iPhone.

“Hmm. Weird. I’ll answer that and then we can head back to mine? I’m making lamb,” Sharon said proudly, then swung her legs off Alaska’s desk and walked through to her office.

As she heard Sharon’s muffled voice answer the phone, Willam finally found the statistics she’d been looking for. Screwing her face up, she slowly read the numbers in front of her again. They couldn’t be right. It couldn’t be possible.

“Alaska,” Willam yelled over to her friend. “Have you read the polls Bianca sent over?”

Alaska simply shook her head. Willam spoke again. “Read them and go to page 56. I’m not quite sure I’m seeing what’s in front of me.”

Alaska dutifully followed Willam’s orders. Willam watched as she clearly reached the page she was talking about, her face completely falling in shock. “Oh shit. This is bad.”

As Willam turned to Sharon’s office, she was only shocked further when she saw the minister standing by her desk, her face as white as a sheet and the minister very visibly shaken. Concerned, Willam rose from her seat and made her way to her office, Alaska following behind. As they walked into the glass-fronted office, Sharon turned to both of them, her expression one of fear.

“What is it? Who was phoning?”

Sharon wordlessly pressed a single button on the phone and the conversation began to replay.

“Hello, Sharon Needles, Minister for Dosac?”

A male voice- aggressive, hissing. “You’re fucking dead the next time I see you, you fucking traitor bitch.”

“…sorry?”

“You fucking heard me, you cunt. I’m going to throw acid in your face then make sure you’re fucking hanged, you quisling bitch.”

“How did you get this number?”

“You should be more concerned about the fact that I’m going to make sure you fucking die, you terrorist sympathiser cunt! Watch your fucking back.”

With that, there was the sound of an empty telephone line, the flatline a start contrast to Willam’s own heart, which was hammering in her ribcage. Alaska, who had previously been standing with her mouth wide in shock, omitted a little squeak and rushed behind the desk to hold her girlfriend, the both of them visibly upset. Death threats to politicians were unfortunately common, but this was the first time Willam had ever had to deal with a physical phone call, most of the abuse being able to be ignored on social media. This was different- a voice, a person, someone who had physically sought out a phone number that was incredibly difficult to obtain, and this made Willam nervous. Looking at Sharon again, she could see that she was still fearful, her whole body language tense. Alaska was crying, her frame shaking as she tried to quieten her sobs, tears rolling down her face and dropping onto the floor.

“It’s okay. It’ll be okay. Nobody’s going to hurt you,” she whispered, her voice shaky and breath irregular. Sniffing, her voice suddenly grew dark and, releasing her hold on Sharon, she turned to Willam.

“I want that fucking scum put away tonight. I’m phoning Bianca. We need to track the number. I’ll fucking kill him,” she said, storming out of the office. Willam had never seen Alaska this angry- her fists were physically clenched as if she was about to fight, and her jaw was clenched tight.

“Alaska, don’t phone Bianca-” Willam began, as Alaska returned to the office with her mobile. Seething, Alaska whipped round to Willam, her eyes wide in their sockets.

“What the fuck? Of course I’m phoning Bianca, this is fucking serious! We need to get this fucking rotted, disgusting filth locked away! How the fuck are you okay with this?!”

“I’m not okay with it at all!” Willam cried, instantly realising she needed to calm Alaska down. Sharon looked resignedly at her girlfriend.

“Baby, it’s okay, I’m fine-”

“No, you’re not fine! You’ve just received a threat on your life, how can you be fine?!” Alaska yelled in outrage as she tried to scroll at her phone but was prevented by her hands shaking furiously.

“Alaska, you need to calm down,” Willam said softly, Sharon stepping out from behind her desk and wrapping her arms around the taller girl. Heaving a huge sigh Alaska sank into the hug, her face a sort of mix of seething and upset. Taking a moment to clear her head, Willam spoke again.

“Look, I’ll phone Bianca. I’ll also ask her to phone the police. She should have contacts that won’t leak so we can ensure this stays completely out of the media. We’ll make sure you’ve got security- I’ll phone the lobby and make sure you’ve got someone that’ll take you to your car when you leave the offices. That’s all we can do at the moment,” Willam added apologetically, feeling bad for Sharon. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Sighing, Sharon nodded. “I’m fine. It’s just never happened to me before, you know, an actual phone call. It was just an empty threat, these things always are. I mean, you’re not exactly going to warn a politician before you kill them, are you?”

Alaska tensed up. “Sharon, don’t say that.”

“Well all I’m saying is, they know that this shit is only going to result in tighter security. It’s just an empty threat, they want to see me rattled. Which is exactly what I’m not going to give them.”

Willam reflected on what the man had said. “Do you think this is about all you’re doing for the refugees?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, just his choice of words. Traitor, quisling, terrorist sympathiser. They’re classic EDL buzzwords for anyone that wants to let in any migrants at all, never mind ones fleeing war.”

Sharon was silent, looking to the floor in contemplation. Willam took that as an invitation to continue. “Would it be an idea to quieten down on the housing policy and maybe focus on another area of social affairs? We don’t want this to become anything bigger.”

Sharon narrowed her eyes at Willam, her gaze snapping up from the floor. “No. This is exactly what bigots like him want, they want me to stop trying to do something. In a few months, people like him are still going to be as angry about this policy as they are now. There is no way I’m letting this derail anything.”

Still a little uncomfortable, Willam watched as Sharon sighed, then pulled out of the hug and gave Alaska a reassuring smile.

“Are you sure you want to still go to the party conference?” Willam asked hesitantly, Sharon instantly shutting her down.

“Willam, I said this wouldn’t interrupt anything, okay? I’m fine. Everything is business as usual.”

Sucking a breath in through gritted teeth, Willam decided to broach the subject of the polls. “Okay, well if everything is still business as usual. I should probably let you know…you’re ten points behind in the polls.”

Sharon’s mouth dropped open. “Ten points, what the fuck?! What the hell have I done, blended a baby, a puppy and a kitten together in a fucking KitchenAid?!”

Alaska sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “It might be because of your policy. The public knew you were left wing, but could deal with it as long as you weren’t doing anything. People are annoyed you’re doing your job.”

“Fucking fabulous,” Sharon hissed. Alaska shot Willam a glare as if to thank her for ruining their previously romantic evening. Feeling guilty, Willam crossed to Sharon’s desk and picked up her handbag.

“Look, don’t worry about it. I’ll figure something out and fix it. I’ll even get Courtney involved,” Willam said as she handed the minister her bag, regretting her last sentence as soon as it was out her mouth. “You guys just go enjoy your night, okay? Or at least try.”

Both Sharon and Alaska gave her a smile of gratitude, Sharon taking her back from Willam’s grasp. “Thanks, Willam. You’re a gift.”

Alaska smirked, seemingly a little more cheerful. “We’ll be thinking of you when she’s got three fingers in my-”

“GO HOME,” Willam yelled, cutting her friend off, her disgust muted at her relief that the couple seemed a lot happier again as they both laughed softly, linked arms and began to leave the office.

The calm and quiet of the department contrasted the instant pile-up of tasks in Willam’s head. Heading to Sharon’s phone and ringing down to the lobby for security, she resigned herself to the fact that it was going to be a long night.

***

Heaving her trundle suitcase down the very final step in her stairwell, Willam pushed open her door and entered into the crisp morning air. It was, for now, a cold day, but there was still the promise of it getting warmer as the sun began to rise over the horizon. Rubbing her eyes a little, she stifled a yawn. As she looked at the time, Willam cursed whoever had booked the hotel so far away. Still, she was a little excited at the prospect of getting out of London. Sharon’s driver was meant to be picking them all up at 6am, but Willam had been texted by Alaska and made aware they were running a little late.

Willam was pretty exhausted. She’d been up all night analysing the polls and figuring out a way to combat Sharon’s falling approval ratings, finally coming up with an answer. She supposed she would have been quicker if she’d contacted Courtney and told her all that had gone on at the department after she’d left, but she hadn’t wanted to ruin her night with the comms girls. Besides, the thought of spending time alone with Courtney wasn’t exactly the most appealing thing to her right now.

Her thought process was interrupted as a sleek black car with blacked-out windows pulled up into Willam’s street.

Well, it’s either Sharon or a long-overdue hitman.

As the car arrived beside her, a single window was lowered to reveal Sharon in a huge pair of sunglasses. Beaming a smile, she shouted out to Willam just as the boot of the car popped open.

“Get in loser, we’re going to engage in stimulating, politically-driven conferences and debates!”

As Willam rolled her eyes and lifted her case into the boot, sitting it beside Alaska’s and Sharon’s, she heard the muffled voice of Alaska from inside the car say something about constantly wondering why she was attracted to her girlfriend. Opening the other side door, Willam climbed inside and sat opposite the couple.

“Hey. How was your night?” Willam asked politely, feeling small-talk would be appropriate before she launched into work matters. Alaska gave a long-suffering sigh and took Sharon’s hand.

“We ended up getting a sub-par chippy because someone’s lamb shanks were so raw they could’ve walked out the fucking oven.”

“Hey, nobody ever told me you had to cook lamb for approximately six hundred years!” Sharon cried incredulously, then laughing as Alaska broke out into a smile beside her. Feeling it was too early for such displays of affection, Willam decided to change topic.

“So, before we do anything else, I think I figured out the drop in the polls,” she began, getting her phone out to illustrate her plan before hearing Sharon groan opposite her.

“Willam, it’s six in the morning. Can we at least wait til the sun’s up before we start talking work?”

“Hey, I’m proud of this idea! I think you’ll like it,” Willam insisted. As Sharon simply rolled her eyes in response, Willam carried on. “Your decrease in approval ratings is mainly amongst the over 40s demographic. So, instead of trying to win them back, we’re going to balance them with the 18 to 25s.”

“Fuck,” Alaska sighed, Sharon bringing her hands up to her face then dragging them down her cheeks. “Will, they never fucking vote.”

“Only because nobody’s connecting with them! Now, we know they like Sharon from the response she gets on twitter. And what is the thing that most 18 to 25 year olds connect with the most?”

“…good policies on higher education?” Sharon tried hopefully.

“Memes!” Willam declared proudly. Sharon and Alaska stared at her as if she’d just grown another head.

“I’ve woken up on another plane of reality,” Sharon blinked blankly.

“Is it not kind of insulting to say that the only way Sharon can connect with younger voters is through memes?” Alaska tilted her head a little.

“Insulting to Sharon or insulting to- you know what, it doesn’t matter, the point is that the memes are politically relevant! I set you up a snapchat account and all you’ve got to do is post some funny, wholesome pictures or videos every now and again. The kids will love you, turn you into a massive meme queen, become more engaged and invested in you than they already are, hype you up no end on social media and increase your approval ratings!”

“Um. What the fuck is snapchat,” Sharon asked, her face blank. Sighing and shaking her head, Willam gestured for Sharon to give her her phone and downloaded the app as Alaska patiently explained how it worked to her girlfriend. Soon enough, Willam was signing into the account she’d made for her boss.

“Okay,” she said, handing it back to Sharon. “Now, do a video or something. Say you’re on your way to the party conference and are excited to hear everyone’s ideas and visions for the future, blah blah blah, political horseshit.”

Looking a little nervous, Sharon positioned the screen across from her face and gave a false smile as she held down the video button.

“Hi everyone, Sharon Needles here and I am on my way to Bournemouth for the party conference! I am so excited to get down and start hearing everyone’s amazing ideas for the year ahe- the video stopped.”

Exasperated, Willam rested her head in her hands. Alaska simply laughed affectionately.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it, sweetie,” she smiled, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “But in all seriousness, this isn’t the worst idea you’ve ever had, Wills. How much of it was really down to Courtney?”

Willam felt as if she’d suddenly choked on something. “Oh, um, I never had to contact her in the end. The idea sort of came to me.”

“Speaking of contacting people, did you get in touch with Bianca about that phone call?” Sharon asked, her voice suddenly grave. Willam had. Bianca had seemed a little rattled that whoever it was had managed to obtain a departmental phone number but was convinced it was nothing more than an empty threat, and Willam conveyed this to Sharon.

“She’s got someone at the Metropolitan working on it. Shouldn’t be too hard to trace the number once they phone the network provider,” she explained, her heart seizing up as she recognised the familiar new-build flats outside the window. “We should probably stop talking about this now that we’re at Courtney’s.”

“Why? Wasn’t she made aware?” Sharon asked, her voice turning a little stern.

Willam let out a sigh. “I didn’t tell her.”

“What? Why not?”

Because I’m scared to text her? Fire drill. “Because I don’t want this getting round the department more than it has to.”

Just as Sharon appeared satisfied with Willam’s answer, the car stopped right alongside Courtney, who was standing beside a huge suitcase, a smaller but very full backpack that was looped around its handles, and a Sainsbury’s bag that seemed to contain wellington boots. The small blonde beamed with joy, then rushed around the back to put everything into the boot.

“Jesus. What in fuck has she packed?” Alaska snorted an affectionate laugh as the boot slammed loudly from the back of the car and Courtney clambered into the seat beside Willam.

“Good morning, campers! Ah, I am so excited! This is going to be the best weekend,” she squealed happily, clapping her hands together in excitement.

“I hate to disappoint, Courtney, but I don’t know how exciting it’s going to be for you watching a bunch of speeches that are irrelevant to your line of work and watching me debate the assholes we share a party with.”

“Oh, come on, it’s not so bad. We’ve got the diversity disco tomorrow night,” Willam said dryly, her awe at the erratic planning of each conference growing more and more each year.

“Yeah, it’ll be surprisingly fun!” Courtney nodded enthusiastically. “Plus, all the other advisors are usually lovely! Trixie was saying last night that we needed to look out for one of her old friends from HR- Farrah, I’ve met her once or twice but had no idea she was a party member. Apparently she’s one of Sasha Velour’s girls and she’s sort of in at the deep end, so we need to look out for her.”

“Sasha Velour, ugh. I can’t imagine what it’d be like to work with her, she’s so pretentious. Like she could shoot explosive diarrhoea over the entire House of Commons and she’d still think she was the best person in the room,” Willam wrinkled her nose disdainfully. Sasha was one of the party’s many new arrivals after the expenses scandal those six months ago, and in that time Willam hadn’t been convinced by her at all. Her approval ratings seemed to be good, but any interview she did always seemed to make her come across as too hyper-intelligent for anyone else. Hell, she’d managed to out-smug Raja Gemini.

“I know Bianca got on at her for using too many long words in her interviews,” Alaska chipped in thoughtfully.

“I don’t know. From what I’ve seen in cabinet meetings she’s pretty quiet. Keeps herself to herself. She’s quite buddy with some of the other new ministers, but if all I’ve got to worry about this weekend is a party clique then I’m not worried. I survived high school, for Christ’s sake,” Sharon shrugged nonchalantly. “How long do we have in this car?”

Alaska checked her phone. “Two hours and twenty minutes.”

“I’m going to fucking kill myself.”

Courtney perked up. “Hey, I know what we can do to pass the time!”

Willam’s face grew scheming. “Oh shit, the game we used to play going up to MediaCity?”

“YES! Party political Guess Who,” Courtney replied, her face equally as mischievous. Turning to Sharon, she explained. “It’s like Guess Who, but with the members of the party.”

“Thanks, Courtney, I’m really glad you explained that to me,” Sharon deadpanned.

“I’ll start then. I’m thinking of a cabinet minister,” Alaska smiled, giving nothing away.

“It’s Sharon,” Willam said instantly, earning her a weird look from Courtney.

“Fuck you, it’s not Sharon!” Alaska blurted out.

“Why would it be Sharon?” Courtney asked, her face still dumbfounded.

“She’s a fucking cabinet minister, isn’t she?” Willam stuttered, eager to cover up her misdemeanour. “Okay, is she a woman?”

“Yes.”

“What colour hair has she got?” Sharon asked, warming to the game.

“It’s yes or no questions only, you fucking amateur,” Willam joked. “Has she got brown hair?”

“Yep.”

“Well that narrows it down,” Courtney rolled her eyes. “Has she made a lot of media appearances in the last three months?”

Alaska narrowed her eyes in thought. “Not really.”

“Was she at last year’s party conference?”

Alaska snorted a laugh that very obviously gave something away. “Yes.”

“Did she make headlines for bringing a bunch of guys back to her hotel room she found on Tinder and riding each one of them like a pogo stick?” Willam cut in immediately.

“Yes!” Alaska blurted out excitedly.

“Is it our beloved Minister for International Trade, Miss Trinity Taylor?!” Courtney suddenly squealed, excitement getting the better of her. All four girls burst out laughing.

“Fuck you, Court, that was my answer!” Willam laughed, whacking her on the arm despite not knowing what possessed her to. Courtney simply batted her eyelashes at her.

“You snooze, you lose, babe!”

As the others kept laughing, Willam felt her heart freeze up. Did Courtney realise what she’d said? Inwardly, Willam shook her head. Of course she didn’t. It was just an offhand comment, something she obviously wouldn’t read into as much as Willam had and something that Willam was stupid for reading into anyway. Fire drill.

Two hours, twenty minutes and most of the cabinet members and MPs later, Sharon’s driver pulled up outside the Hilton they were to be staying at for the weekend. Courtney had been right; from the outside, at least, it did look good. Each floor was stacked high on top of the other, with chunky balconies outlining each one. It was very business-like but also classy, perfect for the weekend ahead. As Sharon’s driver opened the doors and a Hilton employee rushed to the boot to retrieve their luggage, the four made their way up the marble steps past a few hungover-looking smokers and into the hotel lobby, where Sharon took the lead in checking them all into their respective hotel rooms.

“On behalf of the Hilton, we’d like to wish you a very warm welcome and hope that you enjoy the conference,” the receptionist chirped, smiling as he slid four identical key cards over the countertop. “Your rooms are 505, 511, 512 and 513. We offer 24-hour room service although the front desk does close at midnight. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Sharon tilted her head. “Could I have a bottle of champagne sent up to room 512 at around six o’clock tonight please?”

The receptionist barely stopped himself from raising his eyebrows. “Absolutely, I can fix that for you right away Ms. Needles.”

“Thank you,” she smiled, turning away from the desk. Willam fixed her with a frown.

“A bottle of champagne? Are we in Empire?”

“What? It’s the party conference, let me live. ‘Party’ is right there in the phrase.”

“Right in front of ‘conference’,” Willam muttered under her breath. Scooping up the key cards from the reception desk, she shrugged. “Okay, Alaska, you take 511-”

Alaska gave her a grateful smile that thanked her without any words.

“- I’ll take 505 and Court can have-”

“Oh Christ, don’t put me anywhere near the number thirteen,” Courtney said, her voice a little panicked. Willam had forgot about Courtney’s large amount of superstitions. It was one of the things she found so endearing about her.

“Alright, Stevie Wonder,” Willam rolled her eyes to mask her affection, handing her the other key card. “Should we head up to the welcome address? We’ve still got half an hour but it’d be good to go and see who’s turned up.”

Nodding in agreement, Alaska dashed over to the porter who had stacked their suitcases high on a golden luggage trolley and told him which room they were all to go to. Once she’d ensured the safe arrival of their belongings, the four of them made their way to the lifts and travelled up several floors to a floor free of any hotel rooms; the doors opened to reveal a sort of holding area, with a slightly worn red carpet and cream wallpaper. That being said, Willam could hardly see most of her surroundings on account of the sheer volume of people currently in the room. Her observations were interrupted by a man in a smart suit who she vaguely recognised as one of the interns at Number Ten, handing her a sheet of paper.

“Welcome to the annual party conference!” he smiled, desperation to hopefully be picked up by an MP or a Minister so he could begin his ascent to the top of the political world seeping out of every pore. Willam cast a glance at the sheet, which appeared to be the agenda for the weekend.

“God, there’s entirely too much mingling going on in this room,” Sharon exhaled, her tone a little overwhelmed. “It’s like being in a snake pit.”

“Well look, there’s Latrice over there! She likes you, why don’t you go and chat to her?” Courtney pointed out the large, cheerful Communities and Local Government Minister, who was standing by the table of nibbles and laughing loudly with the girl serving behind it. Pulling a face and shrugging, Sharon straightened her posture and made her way over to Latrice, leaving Alaska, Courtney and Willam still hovering by the lifts. Willam watched as Alaska scanned the room, her eyes suddenly resting on someone and her face jolting in recognition. Faltering a little as she remembered the two girls beside her, Alaska began to slowly move towards who she’d seen.

“I’ve just spotted, um…someone I knew from uni. I’m just going to go catch up- you guys don’t mind, do you?”

Alaska barely gave either of them time to reply with a yes or no as she quickly disappeared into the crush of people. Curiosity piqued, Willam craned her neck in an attempt to see who Alaska had been so focused on, but it was impossible to see where Alaska had gone in the shifting crowd. Letting it drop, Willam became aware that only she and Courtney were left. Her palms began to sweat as she searched for something to say, but Courtney didn’t seem to feel as uncomfortable.

“Look, there’s Nina from Work and Pensions,” she kept her voice low as she subtly pointed to the new minister, who was standing on her own sipping from an orange juice and scanning the room. “Should we go say hi?”

Willam scoffed. “Nah. She won’t know who we are and to add to that, she’s isolated herself by choice. The rumour is that she smoked too much weed while she was at uni so she’s one of the most paranoid people you’ll ever meet. Fierce debater, though.”

Courtney’s eyes grew wide, a little shocked at the revelation. Calming herself and shrugging, she gave Willam a little smile. “Well, we can just keep each other company until the conference starts.”

Willam couldn’t control the way she beamed a smile back at her. Suddenly scrambling for conversation, Willam looked to the floor, a little nervous. “So, any big plans for tonight?”

Courtney bit her lip slightly. “I was thinking of heading to the SkyBar and trying to make some pals. I know there was some talk amongst the advisors for drinks after dinner. Sound good?”

Willam was only a little taken aback at Courtney’s invitation. Stammering a little, she pulled an apologetic face. “Sorry. I’m going to stay in and work on a little more analysis of this taxation policy that’s getting debated tomorrow. Try and conjure up a couple more figures for Sharon to throw in.”

Courtney momentarily looked as if she was injured. “Oh. Okay.”

Willam all but flinched, wondering what she’d done to result in Courtney’s drop in spirits. She was a breath away from trying to save the situation- perhaps saying she’d come for one single drink if only to see that smile reappear on Courtney’s face again- when she was stopped by a cry from within the crowd.

“Courtney?” came a soft, high voice, the words followed by a tiny blonde girl who looked entirely too young to be in politics. She wore a baby pink pencil skirt and suit jacket which were perfectly tailored, and her blonde hair hung in delicate waves framing her face. As she turned her head very slightly, the light hit her cheekbones in an almost blinding fashion, indicating that if politics didn’t work out she could always go into makeup artistry. If Willam hadn’t seen her before, Courtney certainly seemed as if she knew her.

“Farrah! It’s so good to see you, I had no idea you were working for the party until Trixie mentioned it!” she beamed, happiness restored as she gave the girl a quick hug.

“Yeah, well, Sasha scouted me after someone obviously noticed my performance in admin over at human resources. But oh God, Courtney, there’s so much! I feel like I’m constantly behind and everyone is so much more advanced. I mean Naysha- you know Cynthia’s Naysha over at International Development?- rumour is she’s getting considered for an advisory job at number ten,” Farrah reeled off, anxiety riddling her tone. Willam’s ears perked up at the mention of the number ten job, her detached interest which she’d held previously suddenly increasing. Farrah seemed not to realise the impact of her words and was still carrying on. “Meanwhile I’m still over here not really sure how to use the photocopier! Oh, I’m so sorry, I don’t think we’ve met?”

With that, Farrah turned to Willam and warmly stuck a hand out for her to shake. Hesitantly, Willam gave a tight smile and took Farrah’s hand. “I’m Willam. I work with Court, I’m Sharon Needles’ political advisor.”

Farrah’s face sort of sank, the smile that had previously been plastered to it melting away. “Oh God. I should have registered. It’s Dosac you guys work for, right?”

Starting to feel a little like she had the power to ruin everyone’s mood, Willam nodded, her brow furrowed. Farrah pulled a sort of pained expression.

“What is it, Farrah?” Courtney asked, concern written all over her face.

“God. I mean I shouldn’t care, right? It’s just politics after all, I mean that’s what happens, isn’t it? But oh God, you’re both going to have to deal with the fallout and I just can’t help but feel partly responsible because I helped her write it…I mean I proof-read it, but that’s still some responsibility, right?” the small blonde stammered, her face only growing more and more fretful.

“Farrah. Talk to me,” Courtney asked, a frown deep set on her face.

“Jesus, are you crying?” Willam tilted her head, awe momentarily taking the place of concern.

Sniffling a little, Farrah took a deep breath. “Sasha’s speech later today. It’s about politics and the media. Sharon doesn’t really come off well in it.”

Willam gave a deep sigh, bringing both hands up behind her head. This was all she needed to add to her already sky-high stress levels. “What exactly does she say?”

As soon as Farrah opened her mouth, she immediately shut it again as her gaze focussed on someone just over Willam’s shoulder. As Willam turned to acknowledge whoever it was, she came near face-to-face with two girls at the same time. Appearance-wise, they couldn’t have contrasted more; the one on the left had flawless dark skin, with colourful makeup that contrasted her pure white shift dress. Her dreadlocks hung over her shoulders and down her back, the little gold embellishments hanging from the odd dread giving Willam the impression of a sort of Christmas tree. The girl on the right, however, immediately raised Willam’s hackles despite her unthreatening appearance- a huge, candyfloss mane of white-blonde hair sat on her shoulders and only accentuated her pale face, which was painted with just a simple red lip and two huge wings of eyeliner. She wore a plain teal suit dress, which was impeccably ironed and crease-free. Willam looked down at her own slightly crumpled white shirt and black pencil skirt self-consciously. The two girls were recognisable as Shea Coulee and Sasha Velour respectively. Like Sharon, they’d both been new starts all those months ago after the expenses scandal- Shea taking up the post as Minister of Defence and Sasha filling the vacancy for Minister of Justice. They had both been strong presences in parliament, managing to gain considerable traction on policies they’d dreamed up, and their approval ratings were good amongst the public. However, Willam had heard small snippets of rumours that flew around the party indicating that Shea and Sasha were more than simply colleagues. If anything was going on between them, however, they didn’t show it as they stood beside each other, their posture and expressions statuesque.

“Farrah! There you are, we were wondering where you’d managed to get to,” Sasha smiled pleasantly, her voice deep and placid.

“I was just talking to Willam and Courtney. Sharon’s girls,” Farrah stuttered, hasty to conceal that she’d revealed anything to them both just moments ago. Sasha raised a single eyebrow in interest, turning to Shea and sharing a look that seemed to be a mixture of amusement and something else Willam couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“Sorry, is there a problem?” Willam couldn’t help but challenge. Sasha, for her part, looked taken aback at Willam’s forthright manner. Her smile was still calm and her tone was even as she spoke.

“Not at all! If anything I think it’s sweet that Sharon still has advisors after her performance so far in her position,” Sasha said, her level tone hiding the bite to her words. Courtney narrowed her eyes.

“She has three advisors, actually, so she’s not exactly short of allies.”

“Tell that to our party, girl,” Shea laughed, throwing her head back. “Three advisors and she still manages to fuck up. That’s kinda bad.”

“I wouldn’t call getting approval from a number of European leaders fucking up,” Willam said, trying her best to keep her tone calm but her flared nostrils potentially giving her away.

“And there was me thinking Sharon’s approval ratings had plummeted. But maybe I have my numbers wrong,” Sasha said lightly, Willam wondering how she managed to make a shrug sarcastically apologetic. “Anyway, they’re letting people in to the welcome address now so I was thinking of getting going, Farrah? But it was lovely to meet you both. If you’d ever like to come spend a day or two over in Justice, you’d be more than welcome!”

Shea gave Sasha an amused smirk. “What she really means is, if you find yourself wanting to work for a department that’s actually going places, her door’s always open.”

Willam’s face scrunched up in distaste as Sasha gave a disapproving look and batted Shea lightly on the arm. “Your mouth is going to get you in mad amounts of trouble one day, I swear.”

As they moved away, Farrah’s apologetic goodbye and a promise to see them both later muffled what Shea replied, but Willam could have sworn it was something about Sasha having never had any complaints about her mouth before. Her eyes were still narrowed and trained on Sasha like a sniper as she spoke.

“I knew there was a reason that stuck-up bitch didn’t sit well with me. What’s the damage control plan?”

Courtney furrowed her brow. “There’s not much we can do except make Sharon aware. We can’t control what Sasha’s going to say, unless we can find something on her?”

Willam raised both eyebrows. “I don’t know if we can get any solid evidence that her and Shea are fucking but surely their interactions are evidence enough.”

Courtney went to speak then stopped, her words getting caught in her throat. To Willam’s curiosity, her expression became briefly antagonised as she paused, then opened her mouth again. “How come you can see what’s going on with them clear as day but you don’t see…”

She sort of trailed off, expression becoming even more pained as something stopped her speech in her tracks. Confused, Willam prompted her. “Don’t see what?”

Courtney sighed and simply shook her head. Before Willam could press her about it any more, they found themselves both being shoved forward a little in the crowd as everyone began to make their way into the conference hall. The flow of the human tide brought Sharon back to them as they shuffled forward towards the doorway like cattle.

“Okay. Issue. Latrice told me there’s a rumour that Sasha’s speech is basically just her dragging me for a considerable amount of time,” Sharon said quietly, her face not giving away her obvious nerves.

“Yeah. We heard it from Farrah, so I don’t think there’s any element of fiction to it,” Courtney grimaced, hating to be the bearer of bad news. Sharon let out a huge breath.

“Fuck. So I’ve got death threats, falling approval ratings, and now my own party hates me.”

“DEATH THREATS?” Courtney all but shouted, causing a few heads to turn her way. Willam cringed, trying her best to shush her and turning to Sharon.

“Thanks, Sharon.”

“She’s an advisor, she deserves to know!”

“Deserves to know what? Did you keep something from me?” Courtney turned to Willam, suddenly accusatory. Willam found herself hoping she was somehow standing above a trapdoor that would miraculously open and lower her into the void.

“Look, I’ll tell you later,” Willam insisted, desperate to placate her. “For now, let’s just hear what the Chancellor of the Exchequer is going to drone on at us about through his fucking nasal passages for the next half hour.”

Willam didn’t miss the way Courtney’s shoulders slumped, her body language completely defeated. She felt a stab of guilt at her heart, wondering if she should regret not telling Courtney. On one hand, she truly did believe that keeping the death threat between the three of them was the best way to handle it. However, something in her gut made her question if part of her had just really wanted to keep her distance from Courtney. Fire drill? I don’t even know anymore.

Willam’s thoughts were interrupted as the three of them were joined by Alaska just as they crossed the boundary of the conference hall and took their seats relatively near the back of the room. Sitting on her chair with a thud, Alaska leaned into Sharon’s ear and whispered something. Sharon’s face became outraged.

“What the fuck, why did everybody else find out about the bloody content of this speech before I did?”

Willam leaned forward to face Alaska. “Who the hell did you find out from?!”

“My friend from high school told me. He-”

Willam cut her off, suddenly confused. “I thought you said it was a friend from uni?”

Alaska paused for a second and blinked, seemingly realising she’d slipped up. “Did I? I meant high school. Anyway, he told me. Everybody seems to have heard, so maybe we need to think of a strategy to deal with the fallout?”

Sharon nodded, her expression determined. She seemed eager to get back on top, and Willam felt a sudden fire and drive to help her get one up on the other members of the party.

For now, though, they had to sit through an old, rich white man loving the sound of his own voice for a considerable length of time. Willam concluded it was just like any other day in parliament.

***

Trying their best to keep their heels quiet against the wooden floor, the four girls snuck into the very back of the hall and sat down gently on four available wooden seats. Willam craned her neck to the very front of the room, where she could see a single long table where the chair sat with Sasha. She seemed at ease and completely nonplussed by the situation, sorting her index cards out calmly while her face gave nothing away. Fishing the weekend’s agenda from her bag, Willam studied the description again.

16.00- 16.30 – Hall 2 – Minister for Justice

Secretary of State Sasha Velour discusses the public’s view of politicians in the media, taking different landmark events from the political calendar and offering her own analysis as to how they in turn affected the approval ratings of the party.

Sighing and shaking her head, Willam could only hope Sharon didn’t get brought up as many times as people seemed to be implying. All day she’d been an absolute jittery, rage-filled nightmare; every speech the four of them had sat in had featured impatient foot-tapping indicating that Sharon’s attention was miles away. She hadn’t touched any food at lunchtime either. Willam just had to thank God that she didn’t have any debates to take part in until tomorrow, as she’d probably just open her mouth and start spewing particles of her own brain. Looking at Sharon now, Willam could see that she was just staring steadfastly straight ahead, her eyes trained on the other young minister. Willam watched Alaska look nervously at her girlfriend, then as she lifted a single hand and made to hold it in Sharon’s. Locking eyes with her, Willam gave Alaska a warning look and, sighing, the other advisor backed down. Willam felt bad, but it was for their own good- the hall was filled with people, and a gesture like that would have been far, far too obvious.

The small murmur in the room quietened to a complete silence as the chair took to the podium and introduced Sasha, Willam’s gaze immediately snapping over to Shea who was sitting on the other side of the room and whose deafening claps soared over the polite applause of the rest of the crowd.

Taking a confident stance at the podium, Sasha smiled pleasantly at the chair.

“First of all I’d like to start by thanking the chairman for such a warm introduction, and by thanking all of you for coming along. I promise I won’t keep you all for long, as I know we have a big night ahead of us!”

WIllam grimaced as the crowd gave a polite chuckle. “Fucking get on with it, then.”

Pausing as she shuffled her index cards, Sasha looked down at the podium, then looked back up at the crowd. “Politics and the media. It’s a relationship that, it could be argued, is incredibly symbiotic. Without politics, would the media have any reason to exist? Without the media, politics, yes, would still exist, but would it be the democratic institution it has come to be today? The media has become one of the most important vehicles through which politics is conveyed, and for one simple reason; public engagement. The media is vastly accessible to the majority of the population through newspapers, television, radio, and more recently, social media.”

“We know what fucking media entails,” Willam hissed under her breath, perhaps a little too loudly as an elderly MP turned around from the row in front and gave her a disapproving look.

“Why is this accessibility so important? Well, it only increases the scrutiny that politicians- us- are put under by the very people that have voted us into our position. The electorate put their trust in us and, through the media, they are given a chance to check up on the people they used their vote on. It’s only reasonable that they expect us to be responsible, respectable members of parliament, after all, we are representing them. We reflect our electorate, and in turn, our electorate reflects us.”

Willam leaned slightly to her left and whispered to Sharon. “She can’t be mentioning you. She’s been rabbiting on for five minutes and all she’s done is use stupid, meaningless phrases.”

Sharon frowned and made to shush her as Sasha carried on.

“Take, for example, the opposition’s leadership contest. Phi Phi O’Hara’s behaviour towards her competitor, Manila Luzon, showed a level of childishness, churlishness, and just downright sexism. How is this reflected in her electorate? Well, we know both Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins endorsed her campaign…so I shouldn’t need to say too much more to illustrate my point!”

This time, a bubble of genuine laughter burst in the hall, Willam’s expression stony in the face of it all. She didn’t have to turn to look at Sharon to know that her face was the exact same, the tension radiating from her like heat from an oven.

“Now we can laugh at situations like these- except when they’re occurring in our own party. As members, MPs and Ministers, we should constantly be aiming to do our electorate proud. We must always remember that whatever we are doing, it reflects on the whole party. And this is why in every situation we are in, we must remember that our actions have wider consequences than simply ourselves,” Sasha stopped, moved one index card in front of the other and carried on, her tone now one of pride instead of neutrality. “For example, our minister for defence, Shea Coulee. Within her first month of appointment, as I’m sure you’ll all know, Ms. Coulee flew out to Syria to witness the effects that drone strikes from our country had had on innocent communities. Within a month of her arrival back in the UK, her department had drawn up a piece of legislation that should have ensured tighter control and accuracy of drone strikes. We know now that the legislation was blocked by opposing parties- disappointing, yes, but what couldn’t have been predicted was the overwhelming public support as a result. Defence had previously been a department that many wished didn’t exist- an area of the government which was cold and lacked humanity. Ms. Coulee, through media appearances and connection with the public through platforms such as hustings, surgeries and even on Twitter, has managed to bring humanity, dignity and warmth to a position that many were too afraid to fill.”

Willam looked over once again at Shea, whose face was lit up in gratitude at the glowing praise. Just as she was about to roll her eyes, Willam was jolted back into attention by Sasha’s next sentence.

“Dignity is one of the most important qualities to possess in our area of work, and that’s why I was saddened when I watched the events of Sharon Needles’ Daily Mail interview and its aftermath.”

Willam instantly felt every single muscle in her body tense up, the blood coursing through her veins. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Sharon, who had sucked in a tremendous amount of air at once through her nostrils. A few heads turned around in their seats to crane their necks in the direction of Sharon and her advisors. Unable to move in her seat, Willam could only listen to the rest of the speech.

“True, she opened the door to a conversation that really needed to be had- the staggering amount of sexism politicians face from the media every day is vast…however, that’s a speech for another day!” the audience laughed again and Willam had to fight the urge not to pick up her chair and start smashing their moronic heads in. “But the thing that I felt really undermined her point was the way she conveyed her anger. She could have stayed and debated Shangela Wadely. She could have de-railed the interview into a really productive discussion. But instead, she stormed out. She voided the chance of gaining something really positive out of a bad interview. Through sheer luck, Chad Michaels had wanted to highlight the same thing but the party has to wonder- what would have happened if Ms. Michaels had not invited Ms. Needles onto the news? The integrity and public view of the party was thrown into disarray. Would we all be free to walk out of any interview we choose, to refuse to answer questions simply because we didn’t like them? Are we all free to speak how we like on media appearances, to swear as Ms. Needles did on Radio Five Live? As politicians we are always eager to relate to the public, but should our endeavours to be relatable go as far as being brash or being crude?”

“This bitch seems to talk entirely in rhetorical questions,” Willam hissed to nobody in particular, her resentment growing with each line of Sasha’s speech. The Justice minister carried on.

“We know that Ms. Needles’ endeavours have clearly failed, hence the fall in approval ratings next to Phi Phi O’Hara. But is this solely due to the attempt to be relatable? It is likely that it has more to do with the leaking of the Prime Minister’s legacy, which we now know came from her department. Months of work from advisors at number 10 gone completely down the drain, and it should serve as a reminder to us all to tighten the security and our protocol within our departments, to ensure that the lines between civil servants and political workers are made abundantly clear. With this error of judgement-”

“Fuck this. I’m not staying to have my character assassinated any longer,” Sharon suddenly hissed through gritted teeth, all at once snatching her bag up from the floor and walking out of the row she sat in, not even caring about the looks she drew from at least the three rows of chairs in front. Panicked, Willam looked across at Courtney, whose gaze was fixed on Alaska who was following her girlfriend out of the room as if attached by a string. Making her own decision, Willam jumped up from her chair and made her way to the exit, hearing Courtney’s heels scraping across the wooden floor approximately a second afterwards. Bursting through the double doors, she was grateful to see that Alaska had restrained herself, and was standing not too close to a deflated Sharon who was slumped against the wall. Willam opened her mouth to speak, but Sharon got there first.

“Courtney, could you please phone Jinkx and tell her we need all hands on deck to firefight this. Pre-warn her. Phone Bianca as well and see what the line is. Alaska, could you nip down to reception and ask if they can bump our-” Sharon suddenly coughed very violently in an attempt to cover the mistake Willam had already heard. “- my champagne order forward to five o’clock? I feel as if I need it and about twenty Valium.”

Obediently, Courtney retrieved her phone from her bag and crossed to a quieter end of the corridor to make the phone call. With the other advisor gone, Alaska risked a squeeze of Sharon’s hand and a quick kiss on her cheek before she dashed across into the lift. With just Willam and Sharon left, Sharon tore her hands through her long, ice-grey hair and gave a heart-wrenching sigh. Willam felt for her.

“Hey. It’ll be okay, you know,” Willam braved a small smile which she hoped looked reassuring. “Tomorrow is a new day and you just have to go out there and do what you do best. Lacerate that cotton-wool haired bitch in the debate and then kill your speech. It’s a bump, but you can redeem yourself in less than 24 hours.”

Sharon gave Willam a sort of helpless look, her blue eyes seeming more like pools than their usual ice. “It’s not that I’m worried about. I know I’m good, I know I’ll be fine tomorrow. I just…have I really been as bad as Sasha said? Have I really been that shit for the party?”

Willam’s face instantly contorted in disbelief. “Oh, God, no! Sharon, you’ve been the best thing that’s happened to this party since you arrived. Bitch just needed someone to attack and she’s jealous you’ve had more media appearances than any other minister so she spun everything you’ve done into something bad.”

“I just feel like I’ve let everybody down,” Sharon’s voice was flat, and Willam had to fight the weird urge she had to hug her.

“Listen. Bianca Del Rio scouted you out because she saw something special in you. And when you came to Dosac, everyone else saw it too. Well, Alaska more than most, but anyway,” Willam threw in a joke in an attempt to cheer the minister up and earned herself a small quirk of a smile at the mention of her girlfriend’s name. “And the public saw it more than anyone. Okay, your approval ratings dropped, but whose don’t? It’s just a case of finding your feet again, and you can do that. We all believe in you, Sharon. You’ve not let anyone down.”

Her smile small but still present, Sharon pushed herself off of her leaning position on the wall and stood with a little more poise. “You know, it seems strange, but for someone who started off as my harshest critic I can really always count on you to cheer me up.”

Willam bristled a bit. “Yeah, well. Shit evolves. We all came from fish once.”

Sharon snorted a laugh, then composed herself. “Well, I’m grateful for you anyway.”

Allowing herself a smile, Willam looked over at the corner of the room from where Courtney was making her way back to the two girls.

“Okay, so Jinkx is already on it- calls are coming in already, apparently- but the line Bianca gave them is that this does not affect the validity or credibility of your stance or policies in any way, and the party is not split,” she addressed Sharon, then pulled a face as her tone became concerned. “Bianca is livid at Sasha. She said something about her being so intent on dividing the party into pieces that she’s going to cut up her dead body into similar pieces before she dissolves it in acid to make the murder look like an accident.”

Raising her eyebrows, Willam gave a shrug. “Yeah, that definitely sounds like Bianca to me.”

“Well, ladies, it’s only quarter past four,” Sharon said, the confidence back in her voice. “And we’ve suddenly got a bit of free time on our hands. I suggest we drink until we can only see in greyscale.”

Courtney’s face lit up before Willam made the same feeble excuse she’d given to Courtney before. Really the truth was that the less time she spent around the other advisor the better, the entire day already seeming like some slow, painful water torture with every second she was around Courtney’s perfume, smile or bright eyes.

Excuses and goodbyes made for the evening, Willam found herself in the hotel lift being elevated towards a night of room service, a cold shower, and shitty TV game shows.

It really was the glamour that she loved the most about her job.

***

Willam lay completely awake, her eyes burning as they bore into the darkness that hung above her head. Casting her eye to the only light source in the room, she gave a loud sigh when she saw that the numbers on the digital clock- the only light source in the room- read that it was one in the morning. Exasperated, Willam turned over in the huge double bed the hotel had provided her. There was nothing wrong with it whatsoever; the sheets were soft and the mattress was comfy, but Willam had been kept awake for a couple of reasons. One of which had been the loud moaning and banging of the headboard that had started up just as Willam had originally decided to head to bed, all interspersed with cries of Sharon’s name that made Willam want to just die. Around five minutes into the ordeal, Willam decided that she’d had enough, turned over to face her bedside table and reached for the hotel phone. Punching in the room number of the source of the banging, she sighed with relief when things in the next room fell silent and a clearly irritated Alaska picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Oh I’m sorry, I thought this was the room of Minister for Social Affairs and Citizenship Sharon Needles?” Willam sing-songed down the phone, delighting when she heard Alaska’s voice catch in her throat on the other end of the line. “Don’t shit yourself, bitch. It’s me. But be more fucking subtle. Or fuck more subtly. I’m scarred for life here, I’ve got fucking PTSD. Post traumatic…scissoring disorder.”

Willam could practically hear Alaska rolling her eyes. “You’re a first class cunt, you know that?”

“Night night, sleep tight, hope your sex was shite,” Willam deadpanned, before crashing the phone against the receiver and turning over once more in bed.

That had been the only distraction of the evening that Willam could physically prevent or even interrupt. But for the rest of her attempts at sleep she’d been tortured by her own thoughts. Primarily (or at least that’s what she tell herself) thoughts of Sasha’s speech ran riot in her mind, Willam feeling more and more irritated with each passing minute at the Justice Minister’s audacity to attack Sharon as she had done. The fact that Sharon had had to follow Darienne meant that anything would have been an improvement, a fucking mammal with a head, but Sharon had really taken a failing department and launched it into the stratosphere. She couldn’t understand where Sasha’s remarks had come from, and Willam was convinced that Sharon had been doing a formidable job. She’d been fruitlessly grasping at ways Sharon could get back at her the next day, interspersed with stabs of guilt at the thought of resorting to childish point-scoring. Still, if they weren’t fighting fair then Willam was prepared to be as petty as was allowed.

Every so often these thoughts of irritation would be balanced by stomach-churning thoughts that made Willam’s heart feel constricted and panicky. Today was possibly the most time she’d spent in Courtney’s vicinity for quite a long time. It was easy to avoid her at work because she could just escape to her desk and sit and become engrossed in her own jobs. But today had been exhausting, and every single thing Courtney did managed to make Willam’s heart ache all the more. Why the fuck could she not just get over the stupidity of her feelings? She’d been distancing herself from Courtney for about a month and a half now, but the desired effect- that she’d be over her by now- just wasn’t happening. There was a particularly scary thought that barged into Willam’s brain at around midnight, which appeared in a sort of scary whisper.

If I can’t get over my feelings for her, I just need to tell her about them.

Willam had physically grit her teeth, helplessly pulling her pillow over her ears in an attempt to keep the thoughts away to no avail. How could she even have thought a thing like that? How would that be successful in any way? There was no way Courtney would react well to such a thing, let alone return her feelings. But memories stabbed at her mind, little small things that Courtney probably didn’t think twice about but things that Willam clung to like a comfort blanket. The biggest one was their kiss at Christmastime, but there were other occurrences too- meaningful looks, awkward blushes, cryptic sentences which had been started and then dropped.

Stop this.

Closing her eyes again, Willam attempted to clear her head. One of the very few helpful things her mum taught her when she was little was to count to the highest number she could think of until she got to sleep, so for possibly the millionth time that evening Willam began to go through the number line obediently like a small child.

She’d got to possibly 103 when there was a whisper of a knock at her door, so small that Willam couldn’t be sure she’d heard it until it came again, a little louder but still incredibly hesitant. This was no member of staff. Dread collecting in the pit of her stomach, Willam slid out of bed, padded over to the door then peered through the peephole.

Who she saw on the other side made her truly believe that God absolutely hated her with a passion.

Sighing heavily, Willam opened the door to reveal the one person she didn’t want to see on the other side. Courtney’s stance was apologetic and she didn’t meet Willam’s eyes.

“Hey. You okay?” Willam asked, admitting to herself that there had to be a good reason she was knocking her door at 1am.

“I was up at the bar with Farrah and lost track of time,” she began, her voice soft. “It was only when I got to my room that I realised I must have dropped my key card somewhere…I knocked on Alaska’s door, but she must be asleep. Reception’s closed…I wouldn’t ask, but…”

Trying her best not to show her visible dread, Willam simply stood aside and held the door wider open, allowing Courtney to enter. She thought briefly about switching the bedside light on or offering her a comfier alternative to sleep in than her current velvet leggings and off-shoulder yellow top, but she didn’t want to run any risk of her kindness being misconstrued as anything more. Settling down under her sheets and feeling Courtney slip under the duvet beside her, it was miles away from their last time sharing a bed. Willam had never felt more tense, terrified of brushing against the other advisor.

“Thanks, Will,” Courtney’s soft voice drifted into the darkness and felt like a stab to Willam’s gut. “You’re a good friend.”

“It’s alright.”

Exhausted, Willam returned to staring into the darkness, resigning herself to the fact that if she wasn’t getting any sleep before then she certainly wouldn’t be getting any now that Courtney was sharing her bed. Her heart ached, hating the fact that she had allowed the other girl to affect her feelings this much and wishing she could return to the old friendship they shared. Anything was better than this.

After an ambiguous amount of time- it could have been hours or minutes- Courtney spoke again.

“Willam?”

The almost-question hung heavy in the air, Willam’s breath completely stopping at the weight her name suddenly held. She couldn’t bring herself to speak.

Courtney, obviously believing the other girl was asleep, gave a little sigh. “Never mind.”

The previously cosy bed suddenly ice cold, Willam felt goosebumps prickle at her skin. They were centimetres from each other but Courtney had never felt so far away, and Willam’s thoughts from earlier hung like a weight in her mind.

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