#that makes it so much less scary
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another banger insight from my therapist today; engaging in your creative pursuits doesn't necessarily mean you're using them to avoid your problems but, rather, they're giving you the space in which to process them
and it made me think of this one time i was in college physics and had a really hard homework problem. i went to the physics lab on campus and spent like 2 hours just hyperfocusing on this problem--consulting my textbook, stressing out, thinking about nothing except solving it and i COULD NOT SOLVE IT. eventually i gave up for the day and started walking home.
and it was a beautiful, sunny day, and i was really enjoying my walk, and about halfway through BAM. i knew the answer to the physics problem. i wasn't even thinking about it, my brain was just going in the background and suddenly spat out the solution
and like...with a lot of my personal problems currently i tend to think that I need that first approach--hyperfocus, stress, tackling it head on. and i forget that i also need SPACE and relaxation, and i shouldn't feel guilty about those things or feel like i'm not making progress/solving my problems.
idk maybe this is super obvious to y'all but to me it felt like being hit with a bolt of lightning
#what do you MEAN figuring out what I want from my marriage doesn't necessarily mean stressing the fuck out and hyperfocusing on it?#it can mean relaxing and enjoying life and painting and writing fic and taking walks???#that makes it so much less scary#and makes me feel so much better about myself#therapy#i am never letting this therapist go ever she is GOLD
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💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖
For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!
The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^
What's been added to the 3.5 version?
📺 Streamer Mode!
I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.
Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh
This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!
⚙️ Custom Pronouns!
It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;
Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!
💗 Choose how others perceive you!
You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.
For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!
📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!
You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3
Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!
I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;
I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao
📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!
You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!
Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!
I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;
It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)
🖤 Additional Scenes Update!
Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!
If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.
After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga
🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!
I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!
I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.
Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.
How to download and play the update?
(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!
Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)
Enjoy!!
#14 days with you#14dwy#💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — updates.#🖤 — spoilers.#I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately#Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To It™️#(''it'' bein the grind 💪 It never stops lmao /silly)#OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'll—#—make ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;)#However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing)#So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me from—#—continuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue#—this kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3#Aaaaaanways!! 😮💨#My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folks—#—again in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!!#This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v;#Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe#🖤 — shut up sai.
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!! Lil guys !!
#bumfuzzled art#bumfuzzled animations#mha#tokoyami fumikage#dark shadow#I deleted like half the frames because I ran out of time mb guys. terrible planning.#and now for my regularly scheduled rambling#lil babies#they’re so eepy and so smoll#it’s their birbday#hc time: darkshadow does not need to breath but sometimes he’ll mimic the movements#1 because it makes him appear less scary and 2 because it’s calming for Tokoyami#kinda like the baby toys now that I think about it#on an animation related note:#I spend too much time animating darkshadow.#I just really like the effect but it’s very time inefficient#and I had to redo it when I took out frames so I basically did it twice…#for the record it’s in 8 fps but was intended to be 12 fps so it’s choppy#and not bouncy :/#I like my animations bouncy#edit: nvm I’m a dumdum and forgot to change the timing. it’s still in 12fps so it’s super fast.
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Some Miles Upshur fanarts that I made in 2020-2021
#miles upshur#outlast#red barrels#my art#fanart#Was working on that one meme with Miles and Rayman and realized I haven't posted more of my boy in this blog yet so here it is 👀#Here's for more Miles breadcrumbs next year 🙏#Please RB I miss my boy so much#I just want to see my undead reporter again-#Also in case somebody knows identity v and was wondering why Miles is wearing grave keeper's outfit#It's because I saw an artist drew Andrew in Miles clothes and pretend that it's him instead to make it less scary when playing outlast#And I thought a clothes swap of Miles wearing Andrew's outfit would be cute haha#I DO have outlast x idv ideas rotting at the back of my head but someday#maybe someday I'll be crazy enough to draw it
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Look, the bottom line is this. You're gonna be wrong and fuck up sometimes, that's just how being human works. No matter what you mean or how much you care, sometimes, you're gonna do something or say something that hurts someone or perpetuates bigotry you don't believe in.
The goal isn't to do no wrong, that's an impossible standard. The mark of "a good person" isn't that they always do good, it's that they're willing to admit when they've failed, done wrong, made a mistake, and they're willing to course-correct when they do.
It's important that you're trying. It's okay to be the bad guy. You don't need to get defensive, you don't need to stake your identity in "person who never does that kind of wrong." You just gotta be able to say "Fuck, my bad, I'm sorry," accept that your behavior didn't reflect your beliefs, and change your behavior so that it better represents who you mean to be.
The less time you spend lingering on whether it feels like people believe you are who you say you are, the more time you can spend getting better at being that person.
Some people will try to tear you down when you make mistakes, they'll try to pigeonhole you as a "bad person," someone whose very existence is defined by doing harm. This isn't your problem, and it's not your responsibility to prove anything to them. They don't have to believe you, and you don't have to appease them. So long as you're willing to accept when you *do* hurt someone, intentional or not, and you're willng to put in the effort to make reparations and change, you'll never "be a bad person."
Let yourself fuck up. All you have to do is course-correct when you notice your actions' impact have strayed from your intentions. The right people will notice that effort, and they'll be proud of you. And perhaps most importantly of all, they'll let you make that effort. Anyone who tells you it's too late to change, to discourage you from improving, or stop you from trying, is not your frend. You don't have to impress them. Ignore them, and let yourself change.
#I didn't manage to say it in the main text so you get it in the PS tag ramble#When you hurt someone by mistake‚ it's okay to feel bad and scared and want to make sure they understand you didn't mean it#But you need to set that aside for the moment. You need to let it be about the other person's hurt.#You can ask other people for support with your feelings‚ they don't make you a “bad person‚” but they're not appropriate to put on the#hurt party. When you accept that you can fix your mistakes and that you're allowed to be upset to‚ it gets less scary to make them#You know there's a protocol for this‚ and so long as you keep it together enough to follow it‚ you can mitigate the harm and fix things.#Don't get defensive. As tumblr says‚ that's the devil talking. Defensive is never the right move when someone says you fucked up/hurt them#You can maintain that it was a mistake‚ but keep that part short and sweet. Let them be hurt‚ let it be you that hurt them. It's hard but#I promise it'll make it better in the long run. People are more likely to forgive you if you let them be angry at you for hurting them.#It's normal to be upset when you hurt someone. It's normal to be upset when someone hurts you. These can and must coexist.#Let them be upset at you‚ apologize sincerely‚ and no more than three to five times. Let it be about them. It can be about you#with others‚ and when they've cooled down and approached you with a willingness to hear your side of things.#Sometimes you'll have to just sit with the feeling of having been wrong or seen as a hurtful person. It sucks‚ but i promise#it sucks so much worse when someone who hurt you is more focused on whether you hate them than if you're okay. Let them be upset#It'll be okay. I love you#mumblr#problemnyatic thoughts
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here's some benreys for y'all!!! it's meal time little ones!!!! nobody starves today. i provide
also random gordo he's here too i guess-
#hlvrai#benrey#gordon feetman#i really wanna just. spit out hlvrai content everywhere all the time#STUFF. i hate the word content. 's just stuff#i just wanna give back to the fandom yk?#i've been reading so much wonderful fanfiction lately and i love everyone's creativity so muchhh#and i Wanna Create!!!!!!#i wanna give back!!!!!#i wanna inspire!!!!!#screw depression i wanna write and draw and Scream#i've never written anything before#okay that was a lie but. like#i haven;t written stories in a While#like 4 years maybe#and Definitely haven't written anything in english#and i kinda sorta have ideas but not really#and i feel like im really bad at understanding characters and keeping them in my brain#and im so desperate for ideas but there isn't a Spark that would grab my attention and make me go brrrrrrrr#what do people do in situations like thisssss#is there like a weird silly way to write fanfic that makes things less scary..#weird upsidedown stupid little fanfic game thing#okay my brain blinked i think im done#i'll keep y'all updated maybe probably?#k thanks for coming to my ted talk byeeeee!!!#art tag or whatever
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when jason mendoza said “i just suddenly had this calm feeling, like the air inside my lungs was the same as the air outside my body. it was peaceful.”
#cw: death mention#istg this show makes death sounds so much less scary and full of kindness and peace#the good place#jason mendoza
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purple haze weed that’s it that’s the joke
Also doodles here from 2021
#jojos bizarre adventure#golden wind#vento aureo#pannacotta fugo#jojo no kimyō na bōken#diavolo jojo#vinegar doppio#not tagging anyone else I’m lazy#my art#sketch dump post. there’s so much that just sits in procreate I might as well share some of it. and make posting feel less scary again#I like the fugo crouching to look at a flower a lot maybe I’ll redraw it#then again I wanna redraw every fugo drawing I have anyways so who knows if that’s actually gonna happen
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once again thinking about the worldbuilding in the riordanverse of "names are power" / "belief is power."
The Tri were only able to become immortal through convincing enough people to worship them that it became true. Monsters and immortals only exist through continued belief, and if enough people believe that they're dead or gone then it becomes true, like Pan. Their varied forms exist and manifest as they're believed in and called upon. Names call attention and epithets summon aspects. They're acknowledgement. Belief. Putting a name to a concept creates it as an individual.
And that's so fascinating when you start applying it to demigods. How much of their abilities are based on belief in themselves, in expectations of each other, in their parents' expectations of them? We've seen mortal figures who became immortal in some form or another because they were remembered. Even the lares - ancestral house gods, who persist because they're remembered. They have a legacy.
At what point does a demigod achieve that status? Rumors and whispers about them so persistent that they slowly become true. "I heard that Jason Grace is the son of two gods, does that make him a god?" "I heard Percy Jackson defeated a titan single-handedly. That he can create hurricanes without breaking a sweat. That he can control blood." After awhile, after enough rumors, does it become impossible to tell where they end and the legends begin? Isn't that what being a demigod is; half-legend?
#pjo#riordanverse#analysis#i went a little prose-y there at the end but i am THINKING THOUGHTS#imagine being a demigod and knowing your EXISTENCE is slowing becoming warped because of others' perceptions of you!#Jason living on a pedestal his entire life and worrying so much that one day he's going to bleed ichor and his fate will be sealed#Percy recognizing that his powers are growing beyond his previous limits in ways that don't seem natural. don't seem right.#and he realizes what's happening and just has to hope the whispering quiets down and the rumors are forgotten so he can live a normal life#also the potential for demigod existential horror#becoming aware that You as a concept is slowly shifting. twisting. to match the perception others have of you#how TERRIFYING is that? like obviously it'd probably only go to an extent for most demigods cause half-mortal#but their powers? etc? SCARY#Percy being aware that his powers are becoming warped and trying to dissuade gossip about himself so it returns to normal#Nico who the more he's welcomed into the camps the more he finds himself being essentially declawed#his rough edges slowly worn away. his powers weakening and becoming less frightening. is it worth it?#and how difficult must that inherently make it for him to allow himself to be known?#and again. shaking Jason petrified that CJ is going to accidentally believe him into immortality. his worst nightmare.
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Finally got caught up with TADC and to no one’s surprise I’m now uncontrollably sobbing over the tragic doomed loving couple
#OUGH… OUGH!!!!!#TEARING MY EYEBALLS OUR AND EATING MY TEARDUCTS!!!! SCREAMING AND CRYING AND THROWING UP!!!!#moots will know that this trope is my kryptonite. *stares at heromari collection*#genuinely though. the parallels between these two and heromari are crazy#like SO CRAZY even down to the minor details#like kinger’s wife (queener??? is that canon or fanon I have no clue)#liking bugs and him being afraid of them#but they’re less scary when she’s there. when she was there :((#OUGHH THEY BOTH TURN INTO SHADOWY EYE-FOCUSED TRAUMA DEMON THINGS TOO AGHHHHHH!!!!! AGHHHHHH!!!!!!!#yeah this episode killed me so much#they remind me SO deeply of heromari and anything that does that is guaranteed to make me cry#kinger’s fort being dark so he can try and remember his memories with his wife… AGHHHHHHHH#that scene in episode two where he started to remember things when he had the bucket over his head the FORWSHADOWING JSJDNSNSJZJ!!!! SHEIEJS#ANYWAY yeah I don’t think anyone’s surprised I like this show. and this couple. and these characters. and cried over them#I have so many thoughts about them and the other characters and the show and EVERYTHING but that will be for another post#for now!!!! I cry!!!!!#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc kinger#I would tag wife but I don’t know her name so. ough :(#it’s so sad it’s so tragic ough ough OUGH AGH AGAJEJEJSJSJH.#tadc spoilers#‘you look beautiful honey’ END ME RIGHT FUCKING NOW/j
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tgese pictures haunt me every day what the fuck was this for theres no reason for this to behappening im so scared
#all of the results when k reverse image search r for bill and ted and i jsut wanna ask why#and if they arent then what are they. why. what.#but i think theyve only been in like one otherovie together and it doesnt seem like something that would need. this.#i might delete this later not knowing the source of something with real people in it makes me feel weird indont wanna come off as like#being weird about the actors themselves trust me i couldnt care less about them.#im just haunted by the possibility of these being for bill and ted because like what in amy if those movies warrants. this.#jello shut up challenge#OKAY I FOUND YHE ARTICLE IT IS THEM. IT IS PROMO FOR BILL AND TED. WHY.#crying real actual tears what the fuck#bill and ted#bill s preston esquire#ted theodore logan#should. should i be tagging this as the cahracters i dotb fucking know im not used to posting about actors this is scary i dont like it#ive only ever hyperfixated on fictonal like. animated guys. or real people. not live action characters. dont like it#ohhhh my god this is so much talking sorry#bill and teds excellent adventure#bill and teds bogus journey#i dont. i dunno which movie this was promo for. so both it is
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Radar doodle 💥💥💥
#Don't ask why he's blue he's just a bit chilly guys#minecraft story mode#mcsm#Mcsm radar#radar mcsm#Hoping it's not too blurry 🙏🙏#Anyways if y'all are ever stressing too much about your art just. Use poscas or something#Limiting your colours and brush sizes makes messing up a lot less scary#Idk if that's common knowledge or anything but it's genuinely so peaceful#That's why he's blue lmao I don't have any colours that resemble skin#Other than a really pale beige but that is way to white for my boy#Also colours are more fun!!
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I feel like a terrified animal on Bluesky and I just found out you can't make your profile private so WELP
#i gave it my best shot....#this sounds weird i know but the formst of twt and bsky feels so#idk its not Great for my autism#like on twt/bsky i feel so exposed and awful and self conscious#like it feels like theres a social etiquette that i just can never seem to succeed with#and due to everything being public its as if thats more shameful of me#i just feel so stupid and weird and out of the loop socially in that format#though to be fair it doesnt help with other issues such as like#being stalked irl and online and have everything monitored for a decade and then psychotic paranoia for years might not help either#tumblr feels like i have a barrier between myself and other people#where i can interact with others but on my terms#and where i feel more secure in that i'm not missing cues that im too much or overstepping#it makes people as a whole feel less daunting and scary#combined with no character limit + better archive and viewing images and i just#idk for all its flaws i think tumblr is the best place for me online#i'm not deleting my bsky account but im seriously considering if i should just. remove everything ive posted thus far#idk though maybe ill just stop posting anything new for the time being and leave it at that#if i didnt know people there who id like to keep up with i mightve deleted the whole thing but yeah#i guess we'll see#DHSADHGDFJ i feel so stupid typing all this but gosh#silvi talks
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just went and listened to the usum version of ghetsis’ battle theme and it’s actually got me feeling like this image
like. you mentioned the whips cracking. you didn’t mention the way it sounds like pure bloodlust. i don’t know what it is about it but it sounds like sheer hatred and evil. it doesn’t even sound like a pokémon boss theme. it sounds like the song itself is trying to kill me. and like it could. this is a ghetsis theme with a PUNCH to it. i am viscerally uncomfortable just listening. and i LOVE it. what on earth did they put in it. that is the definitive version of his theme now
IT'S SUCH A GOOD THEME. They somehow manage to make it sound more threatening than the original which is a feat. And it fits so well with the context being that this Ghetsis won in the world he came from. The song itself just sounds cruel, it's perfectly fitting for the version of him who succeeded in conquering Unova.
Just everything about it fills you with this sense of dread that you got from the original but it feels so much more intense here. Every time I listen to it, it makes my skin crawl, it's so great.
#thanks for the ask <3#come join me in “ghetsis' usum theme is the superior ghetsis theme” land#it takes what makes the original so intimidating and then crank it up to eleven#it's not even mimicking arceus' theme anymore and it's still so scary#putting this in the tags because i'm rambling and being less coherent here#like i mentioned in my response#the song itself sounds cruel and it does share that trait with the original#but like you said this one has a punch to it#along with being fitting for the ghetsis that was able to win#it's so fitting of the cruelty that that goes along with being able to commit the acts needed to get to that point#and that includes maybe killing n#idk it just becomes all the more terrifying on top of everything else when you think about what had to be done#for ghetsis to get what he wanted#truly a theme fitting for someone willing to kill children and to kill his own son in a heartbeat if it could benefit him#it sounds so evil and if he *did* kill n if he did all the things he needed to do to win#then it makes sense#a more evil sounding song for a version of ghetsis#who did much eviler things to get where he is#gaaahhh sorry for rambling i just think about ghetsis in usum a lot
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Wverytime I sit down at a computer to make music I get so scared
#i like siting down with a guitar and writing music but the daw is still so scary to me and i dont know how to make it less scary#its like i dont know where to start#i understand music theory i can write chord progressions i can write melodies but arranging feels so daunting#like just trying to pick keyboard voices and stuff im like overwhelmed and then its like i just dont even know where to start#i think i need to do more covers to practice arranging because trying to do it with my own songs im just like i have NO IDEA#i do think that trying to recreate arrangements of other songs I like will help me but also just idk#i really want to get better at writing at the piano but i find it really hard#rn i write almost all my songs on the guitar then i guess what i have to do is try to think of like what style i want it to have#and sort of try to create a map like probably literally on paper and then try to go in and sort of do it but god its so hard i dont know#it feels so so daunting#even trying to make silly little stuff with just like some synths is really hard for me right now its so out of my comfort zone and AUGH id#its frustrating im scared of the computer but i also very much do not want to be an acoustic singer songwriter but thats all i can do#because all i can do is play fucking guitar!!!! and its just so frustrating#technically im like with a midi controller i should be able to do whatever program drums write little synth lines etc i dont have to like#know how to play piano and yet whenever i try to do it i just get so overwhelmed and freaked out with how many possibilities there are#that i just . cannnnnt#AHGHHHHHHHHHHHH im so im in such a bad mood right ow#ive had such a horrible night honestly#i think i will just go engage in fixation for comfort and then go to bed sigh#i dont know what to do to improve at making music in the daw i guess ill just maybe try again this weekend to take another crack at it#god its just so frustrating that i only started writing songs 2 years ago and have only learned to use a daw in the last 3 months i WISH#that i was one of these teenagers who spent all my time writing silly songs and playing around with a midi controller but i just didnt#because i was scared!!!!!!!#playing the guitar and singing has always been like the only thing that felt safe cos i felt if i tried to actually write and arrange songs#by myself i would fail so now i just feel so frustrated because i dont feel like a real musician and i feel like im starting too late#AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH whatever sorry for using the tags of this post as my diary but#i am frustrated!!!!
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sometimesssss. i worry being friends with me is like a full-time job. but i hope thats just my brain being fucky.
#ventings#for the record im not rlly feeling like this rn but im likenbjDSNGJKNKJG#IM GETTING USED TO MAKING FRIENDS AGAIN and i forget how much i enjoy doing dumb shit with others#but i dont wanna come off as needy or too much. its just been forever since ive actually properly made friends w anyone#other than the best friends ive had for years now. so its a bit scaries. i think it will get less scary eventually
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