#that led to the trials
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Been listening to books about the Salem witch trials and it’s so weird to me that there’s this prevailing narrative where people think of Salem as “oh they were deluded primitive folk who believed in witchcraft lol” when there are contemporary documents where prominent people said the accusers and the court (which hadn’t followed standard legal procedures even for that time) were committing crimes so grievous it would forever be a stain on New England
#i really recommend the first season of the documentary podcast ‘unobscured’#it goes into great detail the interpersonal relationships and perfect storm politically economically socially and spiritually#that led to the trials#and features extensive interviews with six of the leading historians on the trials and colonial new england
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If Lester was wearing these shirts instead of Led Zeppelin shirt , TOA would be over very quickly, because in the early days when Lester was in trouble and he needed someone's help, when anyone saw him in this shirt, he might be ignored and got more troubles. (Lester may grumble about his look , but he actually looks good.)
#apollo#apollon#lester papadopoulos#toa#toa apollo#trials of apollo#the trials of apollo#pjo apollo#pjo hoo toa#riordanverse#rick riordan#riordan universe#led zeppelin#bisexual
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🛌💤💭... Zzzzz... Zzzz........
YOU. 🫵
#(CACKLING IM GETTING DLASHBAXKS TO WHEN A SCREAMER LED DOWN INFEONT OF MY REAGENT AND I COULDNT BREATHE AFTERWARDS)#the outlast trials#ask blog#franco barbi#franco il bambino barbi#outlast#outlast trials
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rrrhhh getting a new TOA box set for my birthday in a week and im so pumped ^^ its the real pretty covers but i just had a burst of affection for TOA and apollo/lester so i drew him how i saw him reading the first two books (ive only read the first two so far but i know the spoilers from book three ://)
#honkygaydraws#pjo#pjo hoo toa#toa#trials of apollo#heroes of olumpus#apollo#toa apollo#lester papadopoulos#lester my beloved#little guy#putting him in my pocket#also yes i drew him with lightning scars#looks the other way#ive been reading lester angst fics and most have that#and i fucking love angst#apollo art#apollo and his led zeppelin shirt <33
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aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)
#god they're the only healthy part of this unholy mind-palace love triangle/throuple aren't they#they could have been the worst qpr/throuple in your social circle. like just insufferable when they're not getting along#if griffith hadn't [oh god oh fuck oh jesus christ] all over everything even remotely good in his life anyway#poor casca's in love with a gay man and then falls for his not-quite-boyfriend and when not-quite-boyfriend reciprocates said gay man fucki#g. Does The Eclipse Stuff. at least partially to get back at you two. oh my godd#i'm sorry i'm so not normal about them. it's starting to leak out into the blog bc i'm finally having a Berserk Moment since starting tumbl#but whewwwww. gotta get this outta my system#hope this wall of text makes sense oops <3#berserk#berserk 1997#how do i even tag their thang. their disastrous just horrible agonizing 3 guy dynamic. hm.#gutsca#griffguts#don't even know if anyone tags for griffith and casca. fair because 1) he raped her. yikes 2) he just straight up isn't into her#and i don't know if there's a tag for the three of them but trial and error led to nothing#but i wanna talk about their dynamic. their. (gestures wildly) whatever. it's not about thinking griffith should kiss anyone it's about lik#the agony. the pining and the torment and whatever miura so beautifully crafted for me specifically. sheesh#hope it's clear that i Don't Want Them To Be An Uwu Little Polycule Bc Casca Should Not Be In A Cutesy Throuple With Her Rapist#it's more that i think they kind of are or almost are part of this (gestures wildly again). Thing. with each other and i wanna talk about i#same with griffguts like oh man they should NOT be in a relationship. but i have this deep intense Need to study them and frankly they're#kind of crazy about each other for a while. like they care about each other so so much it's crucial to all three of their characters.#so it's kind of unavoidable. and i wanna talk about it. and have this read by people who also want to talk about it. yeah? yeah.#(and yeah i think griffith raping casca was about her and guts. like 'fuck you for making him okay with leaving me' type of vibe. even#though it wasn't her fault he's just. god. but it sure as hell isn't Mostly about casca because griffith's making eye contact like the Whol#time with guts. he makes him watch. it's just. shooooooooooo aughhhhghhghh fucking. jesus christ. that or it's the fear that his two most#important pawns are going to leave him Together and he just. can't deal with that. especially after the torture internment thing.#he's so weak and he was so close to his dream and now it's falling apart and they're leaving him and he can't even move. it's about making#damn sure they can't escape him or forget him ever again.#or maybe it's even a 'you can't have her she's mine' to guts but it's still largely like. spiteful/about possessing her as a soldier/human#because i don't think you could convince me it's about having her as a lover or about controlling/hurting/possessing her body.)
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On a serious note, I do feel mysterious case lotusbook has a lot of sincere themes about getting older, realities of responsibility and dreams realized, how it's difficult to succeed and not always the direct path one expects, how there's value in little aspects of life. Almost every li lianhua scene seems to be about that to some degree. The murder cases aren't particularly deep as far as super complicated to figure out or Able to be predicted super well (since they don't always give all the details in the initial setup), but the themes about who was killed and why do connect to li lianhuas situation.
#mysterious lotus casebook#lb#by all this i mean: a lot of the positive things li lianhua AND di feisheng say are fairly good advice tbh#like a fei? hes like you need to be fair in your decisions for your actions to be worthwhile and earned#li lianhua: sometimes being the one taking all responsibility was bad for you and the people you led who felt burdened#by You taking the burden. and stepping back can be a respectable choice.#cooking is more difficult than fighting. keeping yourself alive is Hard and its the hardest thing we do#and its admirable even when youll never be a hero never be able to achieve what those around you might#your peers are worthwhile if they choose diffetently than you (qian wanmian isnt lesser for not choosing to lead a sect and instrad#dissolving it. di feisheng doesnt think li lianhua is no longef worth his time even though hes weaker now. li lianhua is still someonr he#wants to see alive see brlieve in himself see passionate about things. the monks think its never too late to#reconnect to people again. that people who love you will want you and accept you even when you fail.#even fang duobing by knowing li lianhua gets the experience of someone who wants him alive#and fondly smiles and Is proud of him. evrn if hes learning and fails and moody#fond of him in a way his family wasnt that strangers lied about due to his status#in a way that he clung to li xianyi for ALSO seeing value in him when he felt he didnt live up to expectstions of the world#its the Kindness of little moments of acceptance. of being kind to yourself and kind to others (even down to#not wantjng to kill suspects but take them to trial. not wanting scapegoats blamed. which arent usually done in wuxia)#its the fact this show is quite about gentleness and healing (i see the Love and Redemption screen writing ismilarities)#rather than about power struggles. do you know what i mean?
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man tho. Ree’s suppressed their trauma from Jax pretty well but I’d love to go exploring it a bit more deeply.
#;; ooc#He basically kickstarted Ree’s hero complex and the whole reason they pushed through their trials so damn hard#Which eventually led to the championship
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This was. An awkwardly juxtaposed time for a peppa pig ad to pop up, of all things...
#for context - milgram is a song series about judging people for their actions that led to perceived murder(s)#and that particular song is about a character who likes to indulge in sex work and had to abort as a result#so like. big tonal difference here as far as age appropriate topic levels go here....#but they're both pink at least? /silly#milgram second trial#milgram#yuno kashiki#kashiki yuno#peppa pig#blablablah
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man. sometimes i think about the end of soc and about the possibility of jesper leaving. but because he wanted to see this through, because he wanted to right things, because he wanted to see inej again and know she was safe, because he wanted to show his father that perhaps he wasn’t entirely a failure who only did reckless things, because he wanted something more for his friends. he went on
#i think. once inej was saved there really was this sentiment of#do i want to be here. Is this what i want because on god#the end of soc jesper got shown that he was shoved to the bottom of the list in terms of trust and that hurt#sometimes i think about the fact that kaz not only kept the wylan-kuwei thing quiet from jesper but also LET EVERYONE ELSE IN#ON IT#besides jesper. And let jesper go through the emotions of thinking that wylan and nina were dead on that ship. just to punish jesper.#for several cruel moments. He wanted jesper to hurt#like. Imagine ur jesper. and you learn that the guy youve led your life beside#decides to keep you in the dark over a mistake (that you see is a mistake and know is one) but then yknow who he decides to tell#the guy you broke out of prison 2 weeks ago who nearly choked out one of your friends and perhaps a month earlier would have no issue#with hunting you and putting you on trial to burn for something you cant control#its more complex than that but in the heat of the moment. Thats what jesper would be thinking about#if i were jesper!!!!! holy shit i’d be so fucking upset!!!! I’D LEAVE#oughthth lads the soc brainrot is so back
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I feel like I have an unacceptably low level of control over my body. Like obviously there are some things that no one can control but I have like actual big problems because of it. I'm not really sure how to describe it but it's not just me being really clumsy (although that is an effect of it) or even the tics I have.
It's like I can feel my body moving wrong constantly but I can't correct it and it hurts and it sucks and I'm tired. I'm tired of hurting myself, making mistakes, breaking things, acting like it's fine when in reality I'm constantly afraid of how much any movement I make next could hurt me. I need to move to stay sane, I want to workout and get stronger and go on walks with my friends. I wanna get better. I can't even roll over in bed without pain and I'm just so tired.
#opossums chronic illness rants#seriously though this sucks so much and idk if theres anything i can do about it but i wanna try#its probably a combination of a lot of different things#like muscle weakness and instability from ehlers danlos syndrome both making each other worse#along with the poor proprioception from autism the dizzyness and weakness from the dysautonomia#the fact that i cant really see and even possibly inner ear damage (thats a new one that ive been suspecting more and more recently)#im not sure if the ear damage would be just from built up ear wax or maybe or something else#but im really not having a good time because it brings back bad memories#when i was a kid (8 i think) my mom was convinced i had compacted ear wax but given that she refused to ever#take me to doctors she decided she had to fix it herself#which led to a lot of excruciating trials where she stuck wires and que tips stripped of their cotton into my ears#and tried to scrape out whatever she could. even though i wanted her to stop because it hurt so bad i would start crying everytime#im also mildly suspicious that might be what damaged my ears in the first place... but i really have no way to know that at the moment#all i know is i dont want anyone looking in or putting things in my ears ever again#it doesnt even matter how much i trust them because now anything put in my ears hurt#like even when im just regularly cleaning them with que tips it hurts and im reminded that might not be normal#idk if you read these tags let me know if cleaning your ears is supposed to hurt i guess?#im honestly not sure. like i just always assumed i wasnt being gentle enough or something but it doesnt matter what i do#its not super painful either just a little bit so i ignored it because i assumed it was normal#since a lot of 'normal' things hurt for me. which i now know to my surprise isnt normal at all but i didnt figure that out#until i actually got people to believe that these things were hurting me#apparently its very hard to find anyom#who believes that opening bag clips or trying to lift a jug of milk are actually quite painful for me#they usually just say im way overreacting and when i was a kid i just believed them i guess
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hey. just saw this very good documentary about the depp v. heard trial and the anti-feminist backlash that flooded social media. it's ~1:40 hour long, followed by a discussion between different feminist journalists, and if you can understand french, i highly recommend giving it a watch!
(content warnings for discussions of extreme misogyny, violent online harassment, and sexual and sexist violence)
#feminism#amber heard#i stand with amber heard#misogyny#entries#i appreciate that they broke down the circonstances that led to the trial from the beginning so that the audience better understands what's#going on ; and then they explained the anti-feminist ideology that was spread throughout this trial#i feel like a non-politicised audience can understand how harmful it is
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in the notes on the true crime post there's lot of people going "true crime shows call out the police". and it's like. yeah, but the vast majority don't. This isn't me bullshitting, this is me having grown up with this media everywhere.
The mainstream stuff doesn't, by and large, call out the police, and their failings are framed in a very particular pro-police way. There are so many that I've seen where it's abundantly clear that the police arrested the wrong person because they were black, or disabled, or neurodivergent, or poor, or gay, or all of the above - that the police manufactured or planted evidence or otherwise screwed the fuck up. But you have to read between the lines to see that, and if most viewers Did do that, then the landscape of true crime media would be wholly different.
#i'm not wholly against true crime#there ARE good shows out there#and murder mystery and my family is a good one that focuses on police and legal system screwups but that isn't sensational or over the top#in some cases it's actually led to people being posthumously pardoned#or at least to that process becoming viable#but it focuses on legal soundness not actual justice#so it focuses on whether a trial was fair and due process followed#which can be frustrating#when even the lawyers on the show are like. this person should never have been tried. but still have to keep the original verdict
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Do you ever identify like, patterns of thinking or behaviour in yourself that seem like the sort of response someone would develop due to trauma or repeated negative experiences but you cant really pinpoint why/when/where you developed those patterns?
Hmm...
#noticing i tend to rehearse detailed explanations when i make a mistake as if i am being put on trial for blame and#hmmm i do not feel this is indicative of an emotionally supported upbringing but#i also cant really identify any concrete examples of what may have led to this specific pattern of thinking#autism sometimes feels like you are having to untangle a long long chain of experiences that toe the line of emotional abuse but never#cross it enough to be easily recogniseable red flags#or at least thats my experience of untangling my memories and experiences pre-adulthood or pre-diagnosis#(generally pre the ages of 16-18 at which point i had a long realisation that i could [re]gain control over the direction of my existence)
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oh damn i completely forgot riz ahmed was in nightcrawler LMAO it's been a hot second !!
#still browsing through imdb pages instead of studying. you know how it is.#jake gyllenhaal was in okja (!?! there were So Many Guys in that movie jesus) which led me to nightcrawler which led me to this realization#anyway it's a good movie for american psycho enjoyers and taxi driver likers and such#thematically it's a bit similar to nope too wrt the idea of wrenching tragedy into spectacle but otherwise v diff movies lol#don't mind me just sittin here. thinking abt movies. instead of studying oops#okay yknow what speaking of riz ahmed . i'm still a lil bit mad abt 2020 oscars giving best original screenplay to pyw instead of#sound of metal or minari or judas and the black messiah#idk how i would've felt abt trial of the chicago 7 getting the win there instead of pyw but like i do at least like courtroom dramas kinda#12 angry men my beloved etc etc#and YES oscars and awards are bs but STILL. if i wanna be pissy abt shit 2 years later i WILL be#contra.txt#movie talk
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feminine ppl will try to talk about how cishet guys actively harm and undermine us on a daily basis and everybody in a 1 gazillion mile radius will start talking about how victimized cishet guys are and how bad they have it and how we just need to give them more sympathy!!!
#sorry !!! but when you have something like the deppheard trial going the way it did and you wont speak out about the misogyny there im not#going to listen about how bad especially white cishet guys have it!!!! literally this attitude is whats led us to the hellscape of misogyny#were in rn!!!!!!!#my god!!!!#and btw terfs dni this isnt about you or agreeing w u yall have beef w women whove literally done nothing wrong but exist. and your focus on#this is the reason misogyny continues to prevail!!!! cuz yall are pandering to repubs (predominantly cishet white guys!!!!!!) !!!!!!#when your beliefs start aligning w the people youre fighting so hard against are u really feminists anymore???#negative /#personal
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Sorry for the rant in the tags, got a little... whelmed
x
#actually my first run in with internal structure was loving on my own#i had a roommate and we split things#but my house did not work like that#i had to learn anything internal and self management and regulation on my own#im pretty lucky i turned out the way i did considering#but yeah#at no point are we given the freedom to give internal management a light trial and error chance#in school your told when to eat when to shit when to do what class#even when you have minor control of some of those decisions its still teacher led#then at home either your following what your parents tell you to do or your forced to take care of someone else or none of the above and#have no structure to learn from at all#then you become an adult#forced into the world with little to no onowledge of how the world works#because parents expect school to prepare you for life and school expects parents to do that#and were all just fucked
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