#besides jesper. And let jesper go through the emotions of thinking that wylan and nina were dead on that ship. just to punish jesper.

[crowshoots]

man. sometimes i think about the end of soc and about the possibility of jesper leaving. but because he wanted to see this through, because he wanted to right things, because he wanted to see inej again and know she was safe, because he wanted to show his father that perhaps he wasn’t entirely a failure who only did reckless things, because he wanted something more for his friends. he went on

[jahayla-parker]

Never Steal From The Devil: Kaz Brekker × Reader

Part 4

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Desc. & Warnings: 2.8k wc, see mini series masterlist navigation page for description and warnings

When Kaz could no longer saw any rise or fall of Judson’s chest, he stepped back and signaled for Jesper to handle it.

Jesper slowly neared the man, his eyes squinting as he winced at the sight. He reached down and checked for a pulse for a moment before nodding to confirm Judson’s death. “How do… how should I … dispose…?” Jesper mumbled.

Kaz sighed loudly as he glanced around the outside empty room as he pondered over the question. “Don’t bother, Wylan will handle it” he concluded.

“No he won’t” Jesper defended.

Kaz shot him a look that told Jesper his boss and best friend thought he was stupid for thinking he’d meant Wylan would see or touch the body.

“This whole place is going to burn” Kaz stated, grabbing his cane from the floor and limping back to the door. He wasn’t going to let some building- much less this torture chamber- still stand after it had served as a place to inflict y/n with more trauma.

Jesper hummed and followed after Kaz.

Y/n had tried to get her friends to back off as politely as she could. Every inch of her body hurt despite Nina’s best efforts. It had been awhile since Nina had to heal people rather than… well, the opposite. As such, y/n knew Nina was struggling a bit when she tried to keep up with all of y/n’s external and internal injuries.

Every time someone tried to hold y/n up, she wanted to scream for them to stop. But, she knew they were just trying to help.

Y/N’s eyes hadn’t left the door across from her after she’d first opened them again. She only opened her eyes when Inej reached her and told her that Kaz sent her to help y/n down. Only at that time did y/n take Inej’s presence as clearance from Kaz to open her eyes. She of course, promptly noticed the field of bloody bodies and severed extremities scattered around the room. But it wasn’t as nauseating when she remembered it had been done for her and that Inej swore Kaz and their friends were all okay.

Yet, y/n knew Kaz and Jesper were in the back room with the man she’d deduced to be the head of the group that had captured her. She could easily imagine different scenarios of what was likely happening behind the door. Despite the fact that y/n was somewhat distracted by the attentive concern and mothering behaviors of her friends beside her.

Y/n’s eyes remained trained on the door until the moment Kaz stepped through it.

Their eyes immediately met and Nina noticed how both of their breaths hitched simultaneously. She signaled for their friends to let go of y/n’s body. They were reluctant to do so after having seen Y/n struggling to support herself only minutes before. But, they quickly complied when Nina glared at them.

Kaz limped quickly to y/n, holding his hand up with his palm facing forward when Y/n took a shaky step closer to him.

As Y/n waited for Kaz to reach her, her eyes trailed his body for any injuries.

Kaz was doing the same with her body and the grip on his cane intensified each time he noticed one. Kaz struggled to breathe through his emotions; the fear, anger, relief, guilt, and hurt mixing toxically inside him.

Y/n slowly reached her now thin and frail hand towards the droplets of blood splattered diagonally along the left side of Kaz’s face.

Kaz didn’t back away or signal for y/n to stop. He just stared into her eyes, letting her loving gaze metaphorically embrace him as her hand touched his face. Kaz heard her breath hitch and he realized her fingers were touching the red spots of the bloody splashback from earlier. He saw the fear, pain, and guilt in her eyes and quickly shook his head.

Kaz grabbed y/n’s hand in his gloved one as he delicately lowered it from his face and held it in his hand instead. “Stop worrying. It’s not mine” He told her quietly.

“None of it?” Y/n’s voice cracked as her eyes examined the various patches of red that donned his clothes, exposed skin, and cane.

Kaz slowly tilted her head up to lift her gaze back to his face, desperate to see her comforting y/e/c eyes. “None of it” he choked out.

They were both still whispering but neither of them knew why. Given the overall silence in the room it was likely the Crows could still hear them anyways. It was almost like they both had silently agreed to whisper as if to not risk breaking the relieving comfort they’d found being back in each other’s presence.

“Zenik needs to-“ Kaz began as he tried to find y/n’s most pressing wound.

Y/n shook her head, “she did her best. I’m fine”.

Kaz squinted and dropped y/n’s hand as he went to slide the ripped fabric by her leg out of the way. He visibly and uncharacteristically winced as he saw the discolored and dirty scab covering y/n’s deep stab wound on her thigh.

“No, really, I'm fine." Y/n told him, covering her leg.

Kaz could see through y/n’s typical stoic attitude and impassive gaze. “Liar. Move your hand and let me see” He stated, his eyes not wavering from their focus on her leg even as her hand blocked the wound. Kaz sucked in a sharp breath as y/n moved her hand. He could now fully see the details of the puncture that was undoubtedly majorly infected.

“It’s my fault” y/n mumbled.

Kaz’s eyes snapped to y/n’s in a sharp and judgmental manner.

Y/n knew the stare was Kaz silently arguing with her. So she tried to explain herself. “They shouldn’t have been able to capture me, I need to train mo-“ y/n argued shyly.

Kaz growled and shook his head. “They drugged you. Training wouldn’t change that” he pointed out.

Y/n let her embarrassed eyes look into Kaz’s gaze. When she saw the sincerity and intensity behind his gaze, she nodded as they settled into a soft agreement on the subject.

As Kaz went to move his hand to y/n’s side to brace her for their departure, she turned to him with confusion. “Why are they all tailored while you’re not?” She asked.

“You know I don’t care for having Grisha abilities used on me” Kaz reminded her.

Y/n nodded, “but then how did you... The law states that only Shu-“.

Kaz chuckled sarcastically, "do you truly believe that anything so little as a rule, or a law, might have stopped me from protecting you?”

Y/n felt her lips slowly curl up until she gave into a wide grin.

Kaz cleared his throat and rubbed his neck as he nodded to the exit, “ready?”.

Y/n nodded and Kaz hooked his arm around her for support but noticed her instant increased tension.

“That hurts” Kaz stated, stepping back.

Y/n nodded with a weak shrug but Kaz still sighed loudly.

Kaz examined y/n’s irritated wrists and crossed off the idea to hand her his cane. “Matthias” he called out without looking away from y/n.

As much as Kaz wanted to be the one to be able to carry Y/n home, he couldn’t. He had worked on his touch affliction, but this would be a very long trip. Kaz knew he would struggle to handle it even though he planned for them to take breaks along the way for y/n to rest.

Kaz wasn’t going to let Y/n experience more pain from his body trembling as he tried selfishly to carry her. He needed Matthias to carry her. She would not be walking, she was visibly frail and struggling to keep herself up even after Nina’s help. Not to mention Kaz was worried the wound on y/n’s thigh would rip open if she moved her leg too much.

Matthias stood silently beside them, giving Y/n a small smile.

“Carry her” Kaz ordered simply.

“Kaz-“ Y/n groaned. But it was a futile act of resistance as Matthias had already scooped her up in his arms as Kaz had ordered.

Nina smirked at y/n’s annoyance as she tried to not giggle at her frustrated expression.

Meanwhile Inej nodded her head in agreement with Kaz’s choice.

Kaz turned to Wylan upon their group having reached the exit. He nodded his head towards the building and Wylan smirked.

“They’re all in place” Wylan stated, to which Kaz nodded back.

“What’s in place?“ Y/n asked, her voice cracking before she began coughing loudly.

Kaz snapped his eyes to her, “stop talking”.

“That’s rather rude Kaz” y/n weakly bantered in a raspy tone.

Kaz glared and shook his head. He reached blindly into Wylan’s bag, his eyes still not leaving y/n. Kaz’s fingers felt around the inside of the bag until he felt the item he was searching for. He pulled his hand back as he removed the last of their water supply.

Kaz pressed his hand towards Y/n, "Drink all of this and don't argue with me".

Y/n glanced at it hesitantly as she saw how much was left. She instinctively knew it was the last of their water and couldn’t help but hesitate to drink it knowing the others likely needed hydration too.

Kaz had begun walking again but stopped and turned to her after not hearing the sound of her drinking it. His eyes thinned as he huffed "drink it, or l'lI pry your mouth open and pour it down your throat.".

The Crows all shared a shocked yet amused glance.

Y/N’s eyes looked up towards her eyelids in a failed attempt to roll her eyes. But, she nonetheless opened the glass bottle and drank the remaining liquid. Y/n felt as if her dry throat were burning from the contrasting feeling of the water.

The group huddled around a campfire their first night. Kaz hadn’t let them make one on their way here, despite the cold as he feared it would give away their presence. But, tonight he knew they’d earned it and Y/n needed the warmth.

Kaz sat beside y/n, his body brushing against hers. The couple was only separated by their respective clothing. He was just close enough to remind her of his presence while not hurting her wounds or triggering his anxiety.

But, Kaz did give in to his need to hold y/n’s hand in his ungloved one as their friends chatted. It helped him remember she was truly there. That she was safe now.

Kaz’s eyes hadn’t left y/n that night, even as his exhausted mind zoned out the conversation around them. All he cared about was her and he was going to take in her presence as much as he could.

Y/n felt Kaz’s gaze and glanced over at him with a small smile. The way it made her eyes narrow from her cheeks rising made Kaz bite his lip as he tried to not stare at her lips.

“Thank you for not forgetting about me” y/n teased softly.

Kaz squinted at y/n despite her playful tone. He shook his head definitively, “I wouldn't forget you. Not if the whole world turned to ash."

“Which it almost did thanks to Kaz” Jesper retorted, making the others laugh.

Y/n raised her eyebrow at Kaz questioningly.

“The Barrel might be a bit more… disfigured, than you recall” Kaz confessed, his cheeks flushed.

“Please, he desecrated the place while trying to find you” Matthias remarked.

Kaz shot a harsh look at both Matthias and Jesper. However, it only increased the laughter of his Crows.

Y/n tenderly used the hand Kaz wasn’t holding to tilt his head to her, smiling brightly at him. “Thank you for coming for me” she said, serious this time.

Kaz hummed softly as he stared at y/n the way she felt like she needed to be looked at. Kaz looked at y/n like the whole world could crumble around them and he wouldn't blink. Given Jesper and Matthias’s remarks, y/n supposed that might be exactly the case. Regardless, the look Kaz gave y/n steadied her in a way nothing else could. Kaz was her rock and y/n was his. This was what kept y/n going during her captivity. That was what kept Kaz going during y/n’s absence.

It took the Crows several days to return home, but Y/n was already in better shape by then. Nina had been able to rest and retry her attempts to heal y/n’s multitude of wounds. It was a several day affair and even after Nina did all she could, Y/n was still in less than ideal condition. But, she’d live and recover over time. Kaz wasn’t exactly pleased, but he could suffice with that compromise.

When they’d made it back to the Slat, Y/n expected that the Crows would all go their separate ways to rest. Instead, she noticed they remained downstairs. Well, except for Matthias who carried Y/n up the stairs so he could place her in Kaz’s bed.

Kaz moved his office chair to the end of the bed and lowered himself into. It was angled so he could see everything he needed to; the door, his window, and of course Y/n.

Matthias excused himself after Y/n was securely in bed.

After he’d exited the room, Y/n lifted her head to see Kaz better. “Why aren’t they going to rest?” She asked.

Kaz shrugged, not looking at her in order to hide his tell; the one only y/n had ever picked up on.

“Kaz,” y/n sighed.

Kaz deflated into his seat as he closed his eyes to rest some, “they’re working”.

“Kaz, honey, it can wait” y/n argued on her friends’ behalves.

Kaz softly shook his head with his eyes still closed. “They’re standing guard” he mumbled.

Y/n felt her heart warm at the implication. “Kaz-“ she began quietly.

“I had them sleep in, at our last stop. They’re fine” Kaz promised.

“Okay but-“ y/n argued stubbornly.

“Stop talking” Kaz stated as his eyes opened. “I’m not changing my mind on this. They’re guarding the Slat and that’s that” he explained, positioning his cane between himself and the door. “No one is coming in here until you’re healed and we’ve found Mirko Birkland” Kaz firmly argued.

“I love you too, Kaz” y/n hummed soflty as she laid back down.

Kaz stiffened, his heart beating fast as he struggled with forming a repsinse. “If I say…” he hated the way he was resisting saying the words he knew he felt. The words he knew y/n deserved to hear. “If I say….. then… it’ll put you in even more danger” Kaz said, looking over at her with sad guilty eyes.

“I didn’t say it to have you repeat it. I just needed you to know” y/n told him lovingly.

Kaz watched y/n’s eyes close as she’d melted into the pillow under her head. “I do” he rushed out. Kaz sighed, “do… you…know…?”. He struggled with trying to get even the vague implicating question to leave his lips, “know that I…… I mean…”.

“Yes, Kaz. I know.” Y/n hummed, a smile on her lips as she peaked her eyes open to stare down the bed at him. “That’s why I said too” she smirked softly at him and shot him a playful wink.

Kaz formed a small smile for her, one that grew when her eyes closed and he didn’t have to hide his embarrassingly wide grin. “Sleep” his raspy voice soft as he set his bare hand down on her blanket covered foot. Kaz saw y/n’s brief hesitation and her sudden stiffness and realized his fingers had slightly touched her ankle. While he knew it wasn’t a reaction to pain now that Nina had healed it, he knew it was triggering since it had been where she was chained to the wall for days.

Kaz delicately rubbed the blanket over y/n’s ankle with his thumb as he watched her tension slowly slip away. “Jesper and Matthias are on the main doors. Inej is covering the roof. Nina and Wylan have the stairs. I’m covering our room. Sleep” he ordered soflty.

Y/n felt her body relax as Kaz kept his hand on her ankle. Unlike the chains that had been there a few days before, the pressure was soothing. It reminded y/n that Kaz was here with her. He’d come for her and brought her home. And she could sleep comfortably knowing that she was safe now.

Y/n felt herself drifting off as she began picturing the way her friends were willingly guarding the building from their respective stations. Her mind truly relaxed enough to let her actually sleep when she visualized how Kaz was sitting at her feet; one hand on her despite his own trauma, and one hand gripping his cane in case someone tried to enter. She was home and once her body and mind embraced that wonderful realization she fell into a much needed deep sleep.

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Kaz tags: @dil3mma @ell0ra-br3kk3r @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @directioner5life @nikfigueiredo @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @winstonthecow22 @missdreamofendless @supergaybish1 @alex-kazbrekkersimp @wolfmoonmusic @phoenix666stuff @twlegit @kentucky-criedfricken @twlegit @valeridarkness @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

Kaz nsftd tags: @thedelusionreaderbitch @deadlymistletoe @queenofspades6 @aesthetic0cherryblossom @dogsarecutes-blog @adalia-jaycee @shara-ne @xxhospital-for-soulsxx

[rubysunnday]

crashing down

Summary: When a heist goes horribly wrong, Jesper and Y/N are trapped underneath the rubble.

`A/N: looks like i’m writing for my murder children now. I have zero regrets

Jesper Fahey x platonic!reader

In hindsight, they probably shouldn’t have hung around to steal the brooch. And they probably shouldn’t have even decided to rob the place in the first instance but, hey, when someone brags about the treasures they own and tell you exactly where in their tiny, second house they were hidden, they were practically asking you to steal them.

And besides, Jesper loved a good old fashioned shoot out too much to simply run away from one. And Y/N loved her friend too much to leave him to fight on his own.

Jesper ducked behind the pillar as another bullet whizzed past his head, imbedding itself in the wall behind Y/N.

“I’m blaming you entirely, Jesper,” Y/N muttered, handing him a load pistol in exchange for his empty one. “It was your idea.”

“You’re the one who spotted the damn thing,” Jesper replied, leaning around the pillar and firing three shots, all hitting their targets. “You’re like a bloody magpie.”

“Just because I went ‘ooo, shiny item,’ doesn’t mean you have to steal it!” Y/N hissed. “Now, because of you, Kaz is probably wondering where we are and will likely murder both of us for ruining the plan.”

Something exploded from outside, the orange flames lighting up the corridor as they billowed into the sky. The men attacking them all yelled as they realised that Y/N and Jesper weren’t alone in the building. More footsteps echoed on the stairs in front of them as the rest of the guards ran outside to see what was happening. 

Jesper and Y/N shared a look. “Wylan.”

“Well, good to know that part of the plan is going to... well, plan,” Y/N replied. She looked down at the pouch of bullets she had and swore. It was empty. “Jesper,” Y/N said, hitting his leg to attract his attention, “Jesper, we’re out.”

“Ah.”

“Yes, ah.” Y/N threw the pouch and looked at him. “What do we do? There’s no way we’re getting out of here with them blocking the door.”

As if proving her point, the guards began shooting again. The hail of bullets pinged around them and Y/N dove into Jesper, both of them ducking down and shielding the other. The bullets stopped for a second and Jesper moved quickly, grabbing his pistols and putting them back in their holster and yanking Y/N to her feet, pulling her around the corner and towards the back of the building.

Y/N gripped Jesper’s hand tightly as they ran down the corridor and into a side room full of crates. Jesper slammed the door shut behind them and shoved a crate up against it to block anyone trying to break in.

There was a small window high up on the wall with metal bars running across it, far too small for either one of them to be able to squeeze through.

“What plan is this? Run and hide?” Y/N exclaimed as Jesper began ripping open crates.

“Yes but hiding in the room that, hopefully, has bullets,” He muttered, tossing the paper that was protecting the contents out the crate dramatically. “HA!”

Y/N turned around and saw Jesper brandishing an open box of bullets with a huge grin on his face. She felt herself smiling too, despite the life threatening situation they were currently in.

Jesper gently handed one of his treasured pistols to Y/N, his eyes staring at her intently. She gently took the handle of it and looked up at Jesper, looking into his eyes.

“I know,” she said, nodding as she moved the pistol to her other hand and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. “I know.”

It was likely the next few minutes would be their last. They were outnumbered and on their own with limited gunfire. Even if by some saintforsaken chance Inej or Nina or even Matthias turned up to rescue them, they’d probably both be riddled with bullet holes before they got to them.

“No mourners,” Jesper said softly as he let go of Y/N’s hand and spun his pistol around his finger.

“No funerals,” she replied, gripping the handle of her pistol tightly.

Jesper pushed the crate blocking the door out of the way and swung open the door, pistol drawn. 

No one was waiting for them.

Y/N matched Jesper’s frown and slowly stepped out into the corridor behind him suspicious. There was a good quiet and then there was a bad quiet.

And this was a bad quiet.

“Where -”

Y/N’s question was cut off as a large explosion rocked the entire building. She reached out and grabbed Jesper’s arm as she lost her balance and Jesper steadied her as best he could. Dust and chunks of plaster rained down around them and several paintings and expensive vases smashed onto the floor.

“That wasn’t Wylan!” Y/N exclaimed as the building stopped shaking for a moment.

“Come on!” Jesper yelled, grabbing Y/N’s hand and pulling her down the corridor towards their exit. 

Something was wrong, the entire building was empty and there was no one around. Jesper and Y/N skidded around the corner and spied the door that was their exit and put on a sudden burst of speed.

The door suddenly blew in, a cloud of dust following after it. The explosion threw Jesper and Y/N back into a wall. Y/N felt her head smack the wall and suddenly everything felt odd.

She opened her eyes and saw Jesper yelling at her but couldn’t hear him. Her eyes were ringing and everything felt distorted - like she’d had too many Kerch whiskeys. Jesper pulled her to her feet and she stumbled into him, her legs wobbling and shaking and unable to support her weight. Before either one of them could hobble out the door, another explosion occurred and the entire building began to crumble down around them.

Windows smashed, beams came crashing down and pipes burst as the building collapsed in on itself.

Y/N vaguely registered Jesper wrap his arms around her and pull her down to the ground as the building buried them alive.

Kaz checked his pocket watch again. “They’re late.”

“Yes, but Jesper’s always late,” Nina replied, trying to hide her nerves. She’d been frantically looking to the street near the house every second, waiting and hoping for Y/N’s figure to come running up to them, a flustered and excited Jesper chasing after her.

“Not when he’s with Y/N,” Inej muttered, looking behind her at the building they’d escaped from.

Kaz looked down at his watch and then up at the house again. He wasn’t about to betray just how nervous and concerned he was. But it wasn’t usual for Y/N to be running late - even if Jesper did his usual thing of causing complete and utter chaos. 

Wylan was sitting on the edge of a wall, fidgeting with a dummy bomb, his leg bouncing up and down nervously.

“They’ll be fine,” Nina said, looking at Matthias. “They’ll be fine.”

As she uttered the words, an almighty explosion rocked the alleyway they had convened in. Smoke billowed up from the building Jesper and Y/N were inside as bricks, beams and glass all crashed down on top of another in a messy symphony. The walls collapsed down like a house of cards and a nearby flock of pigeons flapped away from the chaos.

The five remaining Crows stared in silence.

Kaz felt as if he might keel over. He stared at the pile of rubble, gripping his cane tightly, the beak of the crow’s head digging into his hand through his gloves. Jesper. Y/N. Both of them were under the rubble that had once been a merchant’s second home. Someone had blown them up. 

Somehow, Matthias snapped into action first, grabbing Nina’s arm and pulling her with him, towards the pile of rubble. Wylan scrambled after them, determined to find his friends.

“Kaz, come on,” Inej said softly, hovering beside him. “We need to go look for them.”

Kaz nodded once, a muscle in his jaw jumping as he clenched it, swallowing his emotions down. He limped after the rest of his gang, his cane clicking loudly on the cobblestones, breaking the eerie, deathly silence that had descended upon the street.

Matthias and Wylan had begun removing beams and chunks of brick from the pile, trying to find a way to get inside. Kaz wanted to help, but couldn’t bring himself to be so close to anyone, so he resorted to stay out the way, watching out for any of the Stadwatch.

Nina was trying her best to locate Jesper and Y/N but the pile of rubble was muffling any sound of their heartbeats. Well, that’s what she was telling herself. She didn’t want to even think about the other reality.

Jesper groaned loudly as he suddenly awoke. His head was pounding and he was being crushed by something heavy and wide. He blinked and the world came into view again and he realised what had happened.

A large, wooden beam was lying across his chest and he was sprawled awkwardly across piles of bricks. He could move, however. The rubble had formed a small pocket around them, the beams that had supported the roof supporting a ton of rubble above them.

Jesper carefully slid out from underneath the beam, trying not to nudge it or move it incase he took the entire thing out and crushed himself to death. He somehow slid down the rubble and further into the pocket and let out a heavy exhale as he caught his breath.

He looked around and froze as he spotted the familiar sight of Y/N’s hair and jacket from underneath what was once a door.

“Y/N!” Jesper exclaimed, clambering over bricks, keeping his head down and folding in on himself as he squeezed through a gap to get to her. “Y/N?”

Y/N lay scarily still, blood trickling down the side of her head, a splintered, heavy oak door lying across her bottom half. Her arm was flung across the bricks and her skin was littered with cuts.

Jesper shoved the door off her with a grunt, his eyes running up and down her body to see if anything was broken. He couldn’t tell if she was breathing or not. He crawled closer and grabbed her hand, wrapping his fingers around her wrist and waiting.

For a moment, a long, painful moment, he felt nothing. His heart dropped and he genuinely felt as if he might be sick. She couldn’t be dead. She wasn’t allowed to die. She couldn’t die.

But then he felt a slight beat, followed by another and then another. It was slow, slower than it should be, but it was still going which meant Y/N was still alive.

Jesper forced himself to pause and breathe. They were trapped under a pile of rubble which could collapse at any moment. Y/N was unconscious and potentially dying which meant Jesper had to find a way out to safety and to the rest of the Crows. He glanced down at Y/N again, his fingers were still wrapped around her wrist, the feeling of her slow, sluggish pulse helping calm him down. She was still alive. 

Dust rained down on Jesper as he nudged a pile of bricks, seeking out the gap in the rubble that was letting the light in. There was a single ray of light shining through from somewhere - it was orange like the street lamps that dotted the streets of Ketterdam and its mere colour filled Jesper with a bizarre sense of hope. 

If the light could get in, then they could get out. 

He began by carefully moving bricks, stopping each time to make sure the beams keeping the worst of the rubble above them weren’t about to collapse. The broken glass cut into his hands and every movement sent sharp, searing pain through his head. 

But he kept going.

Jesper took a risk and moved a large piece of a door. Above him the beams groaned and buckled and a shower of dust rained down as bricks and rubble fell down. Jesper dove across Y/N, shielding her from the falling debris. 

Bricks and stones fell down but the beams stayed up, supporting the majority of the rubble and keeping their little pocket safe.

Jesper lifted himself of Y/N and grabbed her wrist, checking her pulse again and making sure her chest was still rising and falling. He reached out a hand and gently brushed off the dust and tiny pieces of debris on her face and sighed.

“Well, at least we’re both still alive,” Jesper muttered, trying to think of something positive. It’s what Y/N would do, she was always positive even if the situation was anything but positive. It drove Kaz insane.

“You could sound a little happier about that, Jes.”

Jesper jumped as Y/N’s voice, croaky and barely more than a whisper, broke his internal monologue of doom. She was looking up at him with the faintest hint of a smile on her pale, dust streaked face. 

“Thank the Saints,” Jesper muttered, dropping his head on to the top of Y/N’s head, his shoulders slumping. “I thought you were...”

Jesper trailed off, not wanting to finish his sentence. Y/N, who seemed capable of reading the minds of everyone, even Kaz, grabbed his hand and squeezed it weakly.

“I feel like shit but I’m alive, Jesper,” Y/N said quietly, coughing slightly. “Now, how do we get out of here?”

Jesper looked around again, hoping the new found relief he felt at Y/N having woken up would clear his head. All he could see were wooden beams, pipes, bricks and smashed glass and no exit.

“We’re stuck, then,” Y/N said softly, noticing her friends silence. She winced as she shifted on the floor, trying to move so that she could lean against the large piece of wall behind her. Jesper noticed and came back to her side, grabbing her hand and guiding her up until she felt the wall against her back. 

“You good?” Jesper asked, his eyes full of concern, his hands clinging on to Y/N.

She nodded, her eyes shut as she felt the overwhelming wave of pain. She opened her eyes again and looked up. “If the street light is getting in,” she began turning her head with a grunt, “then there has to be a way out.”

“That’s what I thought but I can’t find a way to shift anything without risking bringing the entire building down on us.”

Y/N exhaled softly, slowly turning her head to look at the other end of the pocket they were in. They were well and truly trapped.

“I’m sorry.”

Y/N frowned and turned back to face Jesper. “Why?”

“If we hadn’t gone back for that brooch and if I hadn’t -”

“Jesper.”

“ - been so determined to show off and -”

“Jesper.”

“ - we would have been at the rendezvous point in time and we wouldn’t -”

Y/N frowned as she heard the rubble shift above them. She tried to focus on the noise and her frown deepened as she realised that there were voices above them.

“Jesper, shut up a minute,” Y/N snapped, hitting him on the arm to cut off his rambling. “Listen.”

Jesper’s hurt expression at being told to be quiet quickly changed into a defensive one as he heard the rubble shifting and the indistinct sound of voices. He picked up his pistols from the ground and slowly clicked the safety off.

“Good or bad?” Y/N asked, wincing as she shifted herself onto her knees and moved behind Jesper.

“Either,” Jesper replied, his face hardening as the voices got closer. He aimed one pistol at the gap in the rubble where the sound was coming from, his other hand moving to rest on Y/N’s arm, reminding himself that she wasn’t dead, but alive.

Neither one spoke as they watched the rubble intently, bracing themselves for whoever appeared.

A head appeared in the gap and the person elegantly slid into their pocket, feet landing so silently that it could only be one person.

“Oh, Saints, Inej,” Jesper muttered, holstering his pistols and instantly relaxing. 

Y/N felt her energy and resolve disappear at the reassuring sight of Inej, all the pain and exhaustion she was feeling return. She fell to the side, barely catching herself before she smacked her head on the floor.

“Saints, Y/N,” Inej said, climbing over to her as Jesper sat Y/N up against a broken piece of concrete.

“I’m good,” she said softly, wincing. 

“And I’m a sun summoner,” Jesper replied sarcastically, disbelief written on his face at how much Y/N was playing off her injuries. 

“Can you move?” Inej asked. “It’s not far to go until you’re outside.”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah.”

She pushed herself up to her knees, gripping a wooden beam for support. The wooden beam held her weight for a moment before it collapsed to the side.

“Shit,” Jesper muttered as the entire building above them groaned loudly. 

“Go,” Inej exclaimed, guiding Y/N up and inside the gap and then shoving Jesper after her as the building came crashing down into what had been their pocket. 

Y/N kept crawling and began to panic as the darkness began to feel claustrophobic and tight and she was scared she was going to collapse in the tunnel, her vision coming and going in waves, her heart pounding.

But then someone grabbed her hand and gently pulled her out the rubble and into the open, catching her as her limbs decided to stop working, sending her crashing to the ground

“Hey, hey, you’re alright,” Matthias said, holding her up against him as she clung to his jacket, her entire body shaking.

“Thank Saints,” Y/N whispered, dropping her head onto Matthias shoulder, ignoring the way he stiffened at the sudden, unexpected close contact. He’d never admit it but he had a soft spot for the girl and, after a moment of surprise, gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“Y/N!” Nina exclaimed, rushing over to her as Inej and Jesper emerged from within the tunnel. “Jesper, are you two alright?”

“Well, we’re alive,” Y/N replied, smiling tiredly. “Much to Jesper’s disappointment.”

“I’m not disappointed that we’re alive,” Jesper retorted.

“You sounded disappointed,” Y/N countered back. “We survive being crushed to death by an entire building and he’s disappointed.”

“Again, I wasn’t disappointed,” Jesper grumbled.

Wylan looked between Jesper and Y/N. “Are they concussed?” He asked, genuine concern for them clear on his face.

“No. Unfortunately, that’s normal Y/N and Jesper behaviour,” Kaz replied, his cane clicking on the cobbles as he walked up to them. He looked Jesper up and down and then Y/N, his eyes running over them both. 

“We’re fine, boss,” Jesper replied, sensing Kaz’s unspoken question.

“Good,” Kaz said, nodding. “Come on, we need to move we’re behind schedule.”

And with that he limped off down the street.

Y/N let out a scoff of laughter. She was still holding onto Matthias as Nina grabbed her hand softly and began healing her. “Jesper’s the reason we’re behind.”

Jesper gasped loudly, hand flying to his chest as his mouth opened in mock horror. “How dare you! I found that brooch for you!”

“Just because I see something sparkly and go ‘ooo’ doesn’t mean you have to pick it up!” Y/N exclaimed. “You’re not a magpie!”

“The gratitude I get, I swear,” Jesper muttered, stomping off purposefully after Kaz.

Y/N closed her eyes for a moment and sighed softly, Nina’s magic working its way through her system. They were a band of misfits and criminals, the dregs of society, but to her they were family.

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Little did you know - Kaz Brekker/platonic! Crows x fem! reader

A/n: I don't know where this came from... It's a mess but its like- whatever I guess

Warnings: GORE, DEATH, TORTURE, questionable sanity, this could be disturbing to some people so don't say I didn't warn you!

I do not own six of crows or shadow and bone or it's characters

Summary: The Crows make a vital mistake when trying to get information not knowing that it would cost them everything...

(Gif not mine)

Her hair flows in the wind the only part of her moving the rest still as a serpent creeping up on its prey. Slowly, she starts to move forward as she spots her victims, some pretty little birdy's, just some unusually remarkable crows. If anything went right today the only thing that would be remarkable about them would be their downfall.

She almost yells out in excitement and joy when they wander right into her trap. They walk into her house - a dead merchant's house and go to loot what's left of it.

From her vantage point in the ceiling, she can see everything, from Nina's hands out ready to Matthias beside her. She sees Jesper's darting eyes and Wylan's uneasiness. Moreover, she can even see Inej Ghafa in the shadows high on alert ready to strike at any moment, just in case.

Then her eyes find Kaz and she almost kills him there and then.

He's in his normal attire and he hadn't changed his atrocious haircut either. Yet he's different still, it's the way he's holding himself. Like he feels accomplished.

And even though he has his neutral 'I'm bored' face on Y/n can see through him. She's always been able too and right now he's happy for an easy run. Not a trace of him is guilty or mourning and it's only been one week.

Now that she thinks about it there's not a trace of mourning in anyone.

Balling her hands into fits she nearly screams in agony, they thought she had died and they didn't even care. If she had any doubts before they're gone with just some simple observation.

Yet Y/n still waits and as soon as the Crows get into the trap completely she starts moving.

They had killed her loving parents who worked at a bakery, they had done nothing, nothing wrong. But now they were still six feet under, and she knew it was not just some casualties. Kaz was too precise for that.

She creeps up behind Inej and knocks her out cold before she can even cry out, Y/n catches her body before it can hit the floor and she carefully lays Inej to the said knowing she'll have to tie her up later.

Next is Jesper and Wylan.

For Jesper, she shoots him with a sleeping dart made out of a massively hard metal to control for fabricators and blinds Wylan before doing the same thing to him as well.

Taking out a bomb from Wylan's bag she sets it off. Running towards Nina and before she can use her heartrender abilities, Y/n headbutts her causing her figure to fall to the floor. Unconscious.

Matthias starts sprinting towards her but she simply grabs his shoulder and hits him on a pressure point on his neck and he's out with the rest of them.

It's funny because he taught her that manoeuvre.

"Kaz!" She yells in a shrill voice beckoning him downstairs, did he really leave his little itty bitty Crows alone? Ah, just like he did to her, what they all did to her.

The Crows and Y/n were on a mission and something went wrong, she was shot and they left her to die. She could have been easily saved but they left her and while they did that she remembers - the thing that she remembers most about that night. Kaz leaned down into her ear and said;

'Thanks for the information little snake.'

They had used her to get information, everything she had with them was fake. Everything with Kaz was fake. Every little touch, every little moment, their entire (established) relationship was fake.

"Come down Kazzy I helped you! Now you help me!" She runs up the stairs knowing that there's only one exit, the window. That was extremely high off the ground he would hopefully try to bargain with her first.

Even if he didn't Y/n had brought some rope because he would definitely break his legs at that height.

But Y/n wasn't a little snake now she was a majestic serpent that wielded the screeches of revenge in her venom.

She runs into the room with the window and there he was there in a chair in the shadows looking smug, but the serpent knew it was all just a facade - fake confidence.

Smiling at him she pulls out a second chair from a broken-down desk and places it right in front of him. 'Bang.' It's a simple sound but it echos throughout the room bouncing off the walls into the depths of madness.

"Oh Kazzy, have you come to help me?" She takes her lip in between her teeth and fake trembles.

"Have you come to save me?" Her voice is tiny and it's nothing like it used to be around him, yet he still flinches. He knows she's putting on an act but it still hurts him. And she wants to hurt him over, and over again.

"Y/n... We needed that information, lots of the Dregs' lives were on the line. There is so much more you wouldn't don't understand."

Laughing into the open she secretly pulls out a syringe from her back pocket readying it in her hand.

Instantly her voice changes from the scarce poor girl's voice to a very dark voice. Vengeance was held there and it was like burning your ears in the pits of hell listening to it. The sins and revenge sounded melodic but the torture that laid underneath was horrific.

"Really Rietveld? Did you think I would forgive so easily?"

Kaz's face morphs into surprise at hearing his real last name, Y/n jumps at the chance and she plunges the syringe deep into his neck.

"See you in hell."

___________________TIME SKIP A COUPLE OF HOURS__

All the Crows are tied up to some chairs in the secret basement of the house. The woman waits for what looks like patiently but really she's boiling with excitement.

This is going to be fun.

Finally, the last Crows wakes up and the Serpent takes out her playthings. Just a couple of knives and guns, but those were just her toys the real weapons are the emotional and mental pain she would cause everyone including herself.

"You know why you are here, don't you?" She walks around the room watching every one of The Crows' snarling faces but perhaps some of them held remorse.

Although Y/n was past their pity now. None of the damage could be undone, what's done is done. An eye for an eye.

"Nina darling, this may hurt a bit." Quicker than Jesper's sharpshooter's eye could catch she stabs Nina in the stomach as she yells out in pain Y/n twists the knife back and forth.

Matthias screams out for his lover and after what feels like an internity the serpent pulls the dagger out knowing that she'll just eventually die from blood loss.

Taking a quick look around the room she notices some of the terrified faces and how everyone is on edge. Good, just how she wants it.

"Mörd demjin," Matthias mutters under his breath and Y/n takes his throat in her hand and holds tight enough to choke him.

"Don't call me by the little nickname you gave Kazzy!" She yells furiously holding onto him tighter and tighter. His face starts to become purple and she can hear the yells and screams of the birdy's in the background.

'No! Let go! Matthias! Matthias! Let him go!'

"Any last words?" She jets out her lip before holding onto him tighter and she sees the fury of the ice in his eyes before there's nothing. His eyes roll back lifeless.

"No Matthias! Matthias!" Nina shrieks trying to desperately get out of her chair.

Rolling her eyes with a huff Y/n pulls out a gun and shoots Nina twice in the head.

"Now you're with your lover." She drawls on the word lover and turns to Inej. She didn't really want to do this but she had to cause him all the pain that she could. Even if Inej tried to stop them.

Swiftly she pulls out the knife Inej gave her and kindly kills her with a hard blow to the heart. She doesn't suffer, she just solely died, it's the only kindness the Serpent can afford to give her.

At this point, Jesper and Wylan are openly sobbing and screaming for their friends and for Y/n to please stop. But she doesn't, with blood all over her clothes she makes her path towards her next fool.

"If you were wondering why you couldn't control the bullets, Jesper." She drawls on in a monotone voice. She can see and hear Wylan screaming and it pains her but she doesn't let it show. She lets the Serpent take over or else this will never get done.

Fully becoming the Serpent Y/n places the barrel of her gun up to his heart and she just shoots, no emotion on her face whatsoever.

"A special venom of mine for Grisha. Had some fun testing it."

Going over to Wylan she quickly slits his throat not wanting the little merchling to suffer more than he already has.

She looks at Kaz blankly, he's shaking and he's beyond trying not to show any emotion. Tears are streaming down his face and he's gasping for air. Trembles roll off his body and the agony on his face pierces her hurt.

"Why?" Rietveld finally manages to rasp out. "WHY!" He screams ultimately reaching his breaking point.

"Because Kaz," She whispers in a sickeningly sweet voice lifting his chin with the tip of her pointer finger.

"Everything comes with a price." She pauses letting it sink in.

"And little did you know the price it would cost you."

And that's the story of Sankta Serpentina and Sankt Dirtyhands.

Words 1634

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover

(if you would like to be added leave a comment!)

[usmsgutterson]

Are you Really Okay?- Kaz Brekker

I am in no way trying to romanticize depression or suicidal ideations. I’ve dealt with them my entire life and it’s been no easy feat, and I know several others who’ve dealt with them the same. I am merely basing this off my own experiences and how I’ve dealt with it when things have gotten tough in the past, this is in no way meant to put down others who’ve had different experiences to me. 

Trigger warning- talk of depression, suicidal thoughts and suicidal ideations. If you are sensitive to those topics, for your safety, I advise that this be a work of mine that you stay away from.

Fic type- angst t

Warnings- mentions of Kaz’s trauma

Kaz couldn’t understand what’d happened. A few weeks before, you’d seemed fine. You were smiling, laughing with Inej and joking with Jesper. You’d gone to every meal, ate every last bit of your food. In between bites, you indulged Jespers talk of his guns, talked to Wylan about his flute, spoke with Kaz about a plan for a heist. You were okay. 

But that’d been the weeks before. That hadn’t been the two months it took to plan the heist, or the heist itself. 

The first thing that ticked him off that day was your failure to meet everyone for breakfast. You never missed out on a good meal, especially not when good conversation came with it, and Kaz had sent Rotty up to your room to see what’d happened.

Rotty came up empty, with just a note in his hand. In the note, you’d apologized, but promised to be on time to the first rendezvous point. Kaz wouldn’t reprimand you for it. He knew you’d come and go as you pleased, whether or not you had his permission to do so, so there really was no point in reprimanding and starting a fight. 

The heist went well, as they normally did, but you didn’t go out for the victory dinner, either. He’d gone, but as the six of them walked, slowly, back to The Slat, Kaz made sure to ask Inej what the hell had been up with you, see if she knew anything.

Inej, to his delight, hadn’t come up empty. “They have depression,” she’d said. “I can’t explain it, though. I just have a baseline understanding.” 

“Tell me,” Kaz demanded. “I want to know what’s wrong. They’ve been off for weeks now.”

“Careful, Brekker,” Nina taunted. “Keep going the way that you are, it might start to sound like you actually care!” 

“He doesn’t,” Jesper quipped, and for once, Kaz found himself grateful for Jesper and his constant need to be involved in conversations. “They’re not more than an investment to him. Isn’t that right, Kaz?” He said nothing, just glanced at Inej expectantly.

“They’re sad,” Nina input before Inej got the chance. “Isn’t that what it is?”

“It’s technically defined as a severe feeling of despondency and dejection, actually,” that was Wylan. “It’s coupled with a constant feeling of sadness, emptiness and not wanting to do what might’ve once peaked their interest.”

“It goes along with suicidal thoughts, too,” Inej spoke. “And ideations. They go hand in hand. You can’t treat one without also treating the other.” Kaz felt tempted to run the rest of the way back to The Slat, all the way up to your room and demand why you’d not told him, but he resisted.

“They should’ve gotten their meds refilled a while ago, though,” Inej matched the pace when Kaz began to move just a bit quicker. “I don’t know why they haven’t, to be completely candid.”

The rest of the way back, Nina and Matthias conversed with Inej and Jesper and Wylan laughed so loud they almost woke the city up, but Kaz kept quiet, his brain overtaken with questions.

Why haven’t they told me? He thought. Why didn’t I know? I care about them, don’t I? And isn’t that a bit of a crucial detail?

It slowly began to make sense to him. The red rimmed eyes some mornings, coupled with puffy cheeks, it should’ve been clear to him that you’d cried at some point through the night while he slept. The bags under your eyes slowly becoming more pronounced as you began to stay awake later; your reluctance to tell him anything, despite how close you were. All the meals you’d missed. 

Your smile.

You’d stopped smiling so much.

Kaz missed it. The sound of your laugh circulating through the room, your smile that managed to brighten his entire day. 

He felt like an idiot for not seeing the signs when they were right there, seemingly right in front of his face. He could’ve helped you, could’ve made sure you stayed on track with the medication, he could’ve done so much, and yet, as he walked, he felt as though he’d done so little. It infuriated him.  

When the six of them had arrived back at The Slat, he turned to Inej. “I’m going to go up to their room,” he whispered. “See how they’re doing.” Inej tossed him a smile.

“You do care, don’t you?” She asked, already knowing the answer. 

“Only a little,” Kaz murmured, almost hating that he admitted it to someone other than himself. “I just want to make sure that they’re okay.”

“And if they aren’t?” Matthias’ voice almost sounded like a scold. “What will you do then, demjin? Comfort them from a doorway?” 

“Matthias!” Nina scolded. “Let Kaz do his thing, okay? You don’t know Y/N like he does. He’ll comfort them in whatever way he sees fit.” Kaz shot a grateful nod at Nina as he made his way over to the stairs and up to your room. 

After a quick break in front of your door to catch his breath, he knocked three times.

“Come in,” you called, but your voice had waivered. “Just a moment, though, okay? I have to clean some things up!” Kaz went in anyway, opening the door just enough to slide in and closing it using his back. 

“Brekker,” you whispered, pulling at the sleeves of your shirt. Kaz noticed scarring, but he decided not to say anything. “Hello.”

“Are you okay?” He asked, not at all caring that he was being so blunt. “Are you really okay, Y/N?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean,” you murmured as you went around the room, plucking laundry off the floor and putting trash into the small trash bin you kept beside your bed. “Why are you asking if I’m okay when I’ve done nothing to say otherwise?”

“You’ve missed meals. You’re slower than normal. You smile less,” part of him wants to reach out, take your hand in his and rub your knuckles with his thumb and be a man who can touch another human being without issue, but he knows it’s unrealistic. 

“Well, forgive me for thinking that The Bastard of The Barrel wouldn’t pick up on how many times I smiled throughout the run of a day,” you quipped. “The heist was done just fine. We all got our shares of the money, and we all returned unscathed. I fail to see why you’ve put so much effort into caring.”

“Because it’s you,” he whispered.

“I’m just another investment, Brekker. You’re welcome to stop caring now. I’m going to sleep, and I’d as soon do it without the knowledge that your back is pressed against my door.”

“You’re more than an investment,” he whispered. “I care about you. I want to know when somethings wrong. Depression isn’t the kind of thing you keep from me, Y/N.” 

“I’ve kept it from you just fine, Kaz,” you shot back, wiping at your eyes. “I’ve been able to live with it since I was a kid without issue, without you noticing, so why notice now? Is it because I’ve been slower? Because I’ve slept in and missed breakfast? Because I’ve not felt the motivation to get and up and do what we do everyday?” 

“It’s because I care, Y/N,” he took a step toward you as you set to making the small bed that you slept on. 

“How many times have you considered climbing to the roof and jumping off it?” You winced at the question, and Kaz felt his heart clench for a single moment in time. 

“Are you asking me if I’m suicidal, Brekker?”

“Yes.”

“Sometimes, I think about it. I think about going down to Fifth Harbor, jumping into the lake and swimming until the bottom is so far down that I wouldn’t be able to reach it without drowning,” Kaz moved to sit on the bed next to you, keeping a little distance.

“When I take my meds, I’m not even happy,”

“So what are you?”

“Numb. I don’t feel anything. All of the pain goes away, but so does the happiness. The joy. The smiles.” Kaz winced. He’d gone through enough days without getting a smile from you or hearing your laugh that he was almost completely sure another of them might’ve been his breaking point. 

“And without your medication?”

“Highs and lows. Mostly lows, unfortunately. Depressive episodes, no motivation. Without my meds, my emotions are a tsunami and my conscious mind is the city that it runs through.”

“How can I help?”

“This is helping,” you admit. “It’s just--I’ve talked with Wylan and Jesper about it before, but neither of them ever have anything to say about any of it. They’re understanding, but sometimes, it just...”

“Wylan says things that’d come off a motivation quote poster and Jesper cracks a joke?” Kaz questions. 

You laughed then, and Kaz, completely and utterly unsure of himself, wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

For a couple of long lasting seconds, he was there again. In the barge, with Jordies slippery, slimy body beneath him as he kicked his way back to shore, but then he glanced at you. Saw the fear in your eyes as you registered what he’d done, trying to study him and figure out if you’d crossed a boundary, but all Kaz did was nod.

“I’m okay, L/N,” he whispered. “I’m fine.” 

You two stayed like that for a long, long time, until both of your eyes fluttered closed and sleep dragged you under. 

[italianwithanattitude]

Jet Black Hair (K.B.)

Kaz Brekker x FEM!reader

A/N: this is my first time writing on tumblr so please let me know what I do and don’t do! Anyways, enjoy loves.

Summary: Kaz starts to panic and Y/N try’s to help him the best she can.

Warnings: touch aversion, panic attack, mention of anxiety attacks, mention of desire, idk if I missed anything so let me know.

Word count: 1921

————————————————————————

Thief. Criminal. Gang Leader. The Bastard of the Barrel. Dirtyhands. These were all names to describe the one and only, Kaz Brekker. But the people giving Kaz these names obviously didn’t know him, at least not like Y/N did.

Y/N and Kaz had been in a relationship for at least for a year and a half now. Y/N was in love with him since the first time she saw him, his jet black hair, the small limp that made him who he is, and those eyes. Those god damn unsettlingly deep, brown eyes. Y/N wanted to melt every time they exchanged a glance. Kaz’s gaze would soften the minute he laid eyes on his girl.

But with love came other emotions. Kaz still struggled greatly with his PTSD and touch aversion caused by it. It always made him sad or angry to see Y/N touching Jespers arm, or sharing a long hug with Nina. God it angered Kaz that he couldn’t do anything about it. He saw you cast longingful glances at couples at the club that were making out or holding hands, and it pained him, reminding himself that he wasn’t good enough for you. But that wasn’t true at all, you love him, and wouldn’t trade him for anything.

“Kaz wants to see you.” Inej said, popping her head around the door frame of your quarters. You were just finishing the second book in the selection series when she arrived. A smile lit up your face but when Inej didn’t return the smile you knew something was wrong. Before Inej could say another word you were off your cot and sprinting up the flights of stairs to Kaz. You probably looked like an idiot sprinting through the club with PJ pants and Kaz’s black button up on. Without knocking, which you would always knock, you burst in the door. You stood their for a moment in shock, Kaz Brekker was crying. You waisted no more time and ran over next to him, stopping before you touched.

“Kaz?” Y/N whispered. Kaz’s face was buried deep in his hands, his body jumping up and down. No response. “Kaz?” You whispered again. No response. You tried one more time “Kaz.” You whispered placing a hand on his shoulder blade, and you instantly realized that was the worst thing you could do. His body jumped his eyes shooting to yours, red and puffy. You quickly retracted your hand, realizing the horrible mistake you made. Kaz was panicking, he wasn’t crying. You suddenly saw his chest rising and falling at a crazy rapid pace. He was going to pass out if he kept like this. “Kaz look at me,” you said fiercely.

Kaz lifted his eyes to meet Y/N’s. His skin was covered in goosebumps from her touch. He felt waves of nausea pass over him. He couldn’t breathe he was sucking in air but it wasn’t coming. “I-” Kaz tried to choke out but being cut off by another wave of nausea. Kaz dropped his gloved hands onto his desk, staring at the piles of plans and papers, but instead only seeing blurs of white and other colors. “Kaz, speak to me.” Y/N begged, but your voice was distant and he couldn’t focus on what Y/N was saying. The air wasn’t coming fast enough and Kaz started to see black dots crowding his vision.

“Kaz say something please!” You pleaded but he didn’t answer he was still hyperventilating, his eyes fixed on something that wasn’t even there. You had never seen Kaz like this. He looked pale, sickly, like he had seen a ghost. You wanted to reach out and hug him, pull him back to earth, but she couldn’t. Y/N felt hot tears starting to stream down her face. She can’t see him like this. The love of her life sitting right their, having a panic attack and you couldn’t do anything. “I-” Kaz’s voice cut through your thoughts. “Kaz” you gasped. “I- I’m going to faint.” He gasped through heaved of air. Y/N went still, eyes widening in panic. “Kaz, Kaz, Kaz. No no no. Stay with me. Stay Kaz.” Y/N pleaded the fiery tears flowing freely now. “NINA!” You screamed hoping someone heard. You heard a clamber of footsteps up the steps, you looked over. It was Jesper, stunned looking at the scene in front of him. “Get Nina you cried.” And Jesper ran. Returning minutes later with Wylan, Inej, Matthias, and Nina. Kaz looked up for a short moment though he probably only saw blurbs of color. “Everyone out except Nina!” You commanded, nobody should ever have seen Kaz like that except you. Jesper, Wylan, Matthias, and Inej filed out, as Nina rushed over to your side. “What’s wrong?” Nina quizzed rubbing circles on your back to calm you. “He’s having a panic attack and said he was going to faint. I don’t know, I thought you could slow his heart or something.” Y/N gasped between tears. Nina gave a sharp nod as she though of the best way to approach the situation. You looked back at Kaz. He shakily turned to look at you. His usual deep brown eyes, clouded and shallow. “Kaz, breathe.” Y/N pleaded, as Nina began to work. She began to slow his heart rate and control his breathing. Kaz began to slow his hyperventilating and his grip loosened on his desk.

His vision began to clear and he could make out the blurry figure of Nina, her hand was pressed to his chest and when his body came back from numbness he felt it and jumped. Nina removed her hand and nodded to Y/N before waking out, but stopped in the door frame. “You’re welcome Kaz.” Nina sighed before clicking away. “Darling?” Kaz heard Y/N whisper, his vision clear enough to see his beautiful Y/H/C haired queen kneeling beside him. He tried to force the corners of his mouth up to smile at her, but he couldn’t, he was too out of it. “Hi.” Y/N said, a big smile gracing her face. “Hi.” Kaz croaked, his voice full of cracks and gravel. Y/N reached to tuck a piece of Kaz’s hair that fell out of place and was sticking to his sweat sheened forehead. Though this time he didn’t flinch or push her away, he just shivered lightly. “Do you wanna talk about?” Y/N said as softly as possible. It took Kaz a minute to muster up the courage but then said it. “I’m not good for you Y/N. I see how you touch others and stare at the couples that are making out. I see how you sigh when you see couples holding hands. I can’t do that for you. I can’t Y/N.” There was a long pause. “I love you.” Y/N said. She had never said it to him before. ‘I love you’ rang through Kaz’s head. No, she can’t love me, he thought. She can’t because I’m not good for her, she craves touch that I can’t give her. But I do love her, the last person I loved left, and I had thought I would never love again, then you came into my life and I fell, I fell so fucking hard for you. I just can’t say it. What if I loose her too. Kaz thought to himself. Eventually he spoke. “I lo-” he cut himself off. “I- I can’t say it.” He stumbled over his words. Y/N nodded solemnly a sad smile on her face. She began to stand up and walk away, but Kaz darted his hand out and grabbed her wrist. He starred up at her still in his desk chair. “but I mean it.” He said yanking her down so their lips met. The kiss lasted barely a second but felt like years to Kaz. His girls flesh was alive, warm, hot, electrifying. Her touch set him on fire, as much as his body begged for more his brain and nausea told him no. Y/N looked shocked and red. A blush had spread over her cheeks and nose. She had her bottom lip pulled between her teeth, and when he saw that she was wearing his shirt he wanted to groan out loud at how it looked on her. “I- Kaz, I didn’t do that to push you-” Y/N spoke her mouth agape about what to say. “I don’t want you to regret it.” She frowned. Kaz felt sadness rush over him, she thought he didn’t want to do that?! “I will never regret that Y/N. Hell I actually didn’t even mind the feeling of your lips against mine.” He chuckled. “So Mr. Brekker does have a soft side.” Y/N teased. “Fuck off.” Kaz grumbled, but couldn’t hide the smirk that crossed his face. After a moment of silence and eye contact Kaz spoke.

“I want to try.” Y/N’s eyes shot wide. “For a baby?!! Kaz we’re both 17 and you just kissed me for the first time- I don’t think I’m ready to-” Kaz started laughing out loud. Y/N stopped rambling. “Are you laughing at me?!?! You were the one who-” Kaz cut her off. “I didn’t mean for a baby Y/N, Saints!” Kaz laughed at your scared expression turning to a confused one. “I want to try to get over my condition.” Kaz felt embarrassed talking about his PTSD and looked down at his lap. “Hey.” You said sweetly and quietly. He looked up to meet your eyes. “Let’s try-” “FOR A BABY Y/N OH MY ARE YOU CRAZY?!??” Kaz mocked. You scoffed and rolled your eyes. After a moment Kaz said “I would like that.” With a smile as he looked at you. “Where do we start?” He said, embarrassed once more. “I have an idea.” You smiled. You went and sat on your knees on Kaz’s extremely large bed, patting the section of bed in front of you for him to sit. Kaz grabbed his cane and limped over to you shakily. You smiled as he sat down with his back to you. “If you want me to stop say something or tap my leg.” You said as you brought your hands up to his gelled back hair. You slowly slid your fingers into his jet black locks and began playing with them. Breaking apart the strands that were gelled together, careful not to hurt Kaz. “My mom would do this to calm me down. I have never told you this but when I was younger I used to have anxiety attacks, so she would do this and I calmed down instantly.” You said, slowly brushing through his silky strands. He had thicker hair that was extremely soft. “This feels good.” Kaz mumbled slowly leaning back so his back was against your chest. You smiled, seeing that his usual scowl and frown were replaced by pure bliss and relaxation. You continued to play with your boyfriends hair and massage his scalp, getting him used to you touching him. After 10 minutes he started to shift uncomfortably and you whispered to him “it’s me Kaz, I’m right here.” Then continued to mumble sweet nothings until you noticed his breathing had evened and he was asleep. You smiled down at your handsome boyfriend. You didn’t bother to get up but just sat their, letting him lay on you in comfortable bliss.

“I love you”

[laurore-stormwitch]

of almost failed heists and romantic advice

For the @grishaversebigbang mini bang! First time writing the crows, it’s been a challenge. I had the incredible and emotional honor to see some beautiful art made for this fic by @streckenweise-okay [here] , @j-wirth [here], @davonysus [here]. You are all talented and amazing <3  Summary: an easy undercover job becomes not only a chance to revisit some old friendships with Nina back in town, but also the perfect occasion for a romantic intervention and some dating advice for our favorite Bastard of the Barrel.

ao3 link

Kaz Brekker, the Bastard of the Barrel, a forgotten Rietveld. His figure hid itself in the many names he had been called, in the many tales of sorrow he had inflicted. He did not need a reason, nor to rob or brake, nor to wreak havoc on the filthy streets of Ketterdam. Swift as the sky-splitting dive of a crow on his prey. You would feel him coming, in the tense silence shattered by the rhythmic beating of a raptor-headed cane on bricks. Kaz Brekker, who did not need a reason, or concealed the ones who mattered. The same Kaz Brekker, however, who did not have a valid reason for choosing to bring the three biggest headaches of his life along with him on this wretched job. A sharpshooter with an absurd taste in fashion, a Grisha witch as annoying as his broken leg and a wayward merchant’s son he had spent way too much time babysitting. 

A strike of genius on his part. On top of that, he had chosen an undercover job, like they had the slightest ability not be noticed. Except for Nina; that girl blended everywhere like whisky. She was now strolling back to them with an excited gleam in her eyes, sipping on a glass of wine. She giggled happily. “Relax, Kaz. It’s a party.” 

He cut her a glare from the corner in which he was standing, stiff and broody. 

“Where the hell are the two lovebirds?” 

“At the buffet. Do you know they have a chocolate fountain?”

“If it doesn’t drop gold”, Nina arched a brow at him, “I am fairly sure I don’t care for it.”

They were interrupted by the brilliant flash of color of Jesper’s suit and his brazen laugh. He had an arm thrown around Wylan’s shoulder; the merchling’s  cheeks were flushed and his hair ruffled. He seemed slightly uncomfortable or about to throw up. For all the kruges, how much had Jesper let him drink? At least they did not have a particularly difficult role to play. Nina planted a kiss on Wylan’s cheek.

“This is so fun!”, she exclaimed, delighted by the situation. Kaz glared at her again.

“A job it’s not supposed to be fun.”

“Take your brooding mood out the window, Brekker”, Nina waved a dismissive hand at him. “What would a job be without fun?”

“Terribly dull”, Jesper winked.

“Annoyingly painful”, offered Wylan with a hiccup. They turned to Kaz. 

“Adequately profitable.”

His friends cast their eyes heavenward. Jesper snatched other glasses , pretending not to see Kaz’s threatening look. The party was grand, held in the home of a Council’s member from whom they were supposed to steal some documents held in a safe in his study. The job was easy to say the least, so when they had learned that Nina was in town, she had tagged along. Kaz wanted to wack himself on the head with his cane for this wretched idea; apparently, they had taken this as an excuse to party and reminisce old times more than an occasion to actually help Kaz make some money. Nina surveyed the room. 

“I wish Inej was here”, she whined. Kaz had never been one to pray, so it was not surprised when the Saints ignored his pledge to make Nina drop the argument. Instad, she turned to him with a smug smirk. 

“How is it going between the two of you?”

Kaz tapped his cane on the floor, avoiding the heartrender’s eyes. Maybe she would shut up if he ignored her. Was he not radiating a general air of murderousness and danger, enough to convince his nosy friend to leave him be? Well, not enough. It just made her do something even worse and refer to the other two headaches.

“Kaz is a hopeless cause.”

“He’s not asked her out yet? Not even a romantic snack in between threatening people and skewering them with knives?”

Jesper shrugged his shoulder, nudging Wylan closer. “We offered to do it for him”, he noted.

“You did”, Wylan peered at thim. “I want to keep my head on my neck.”

“Why hasn’t he?”, asked Nina, considering Kaz, still ignoring them.

“I don’t think he’s familiar with the concept of asking someone out. Or even asking someone for anything, mainly bossing people around.”

Kaz adjusted his tie. “I’m standing right beside you.”

“It’s not hard, Kaz. Just buy some flowers and smile.”

Jesper laughed at Nina’s idiotic advice. Were they actually trying to get assassinated right now? Another thought paved the way in his mind. Was it an idiotic advice, though? He could admit that anything not involving schemes or robbery was not an area of expertise for him. And he had been meaning to do something...nice?

“You’re asking Dirtyhands to smile?”, asked Jesper. Nina huffed.

“Can it be that hard?”

“You’ll see. Kaz, smile at me.” 

Kaz had two roads in front of him: for some reason, he chose the insane one and indulged Jesper, curling his lips upward. An uncomfortable silence dawned over them. 

“All the Saints and their suffering”, Nina exclaimed.

“Is he about to murder someone?”, Wylan asked. Nina burst out laughing.

“That is your i-am-asking-you-out smile?”

“It’s terrifying”, considered the merchling.

“Positively daunting”, his boyfriend confirmed.

“For the love of Inej’s Saints drop the smile. Stick with the flowers.” She eyed him from upside down, critical. “And fix that dreadful hair.”

Now the choice laid between leaving them all here or trying to find a way to finish this wretched job. Since the second option included a mouthful reward, he went with it. He eyed the owner descending the stairs with his guards. That was their cue. 

“You all know what to do.”

To their credit, they all snapped to attention when he called them. Nina strode behind the owner, fluffing her hair, while the three of them disappeared silently toward the upper floor. Silently. As silently as they could, Wylan being half drunk and Jesper being...well, Jesper. What one does for some kruge, thought sourly Kaz. He did glance at his reflection in the mirror, trying a half smile as they ascended the stairs. But no one needed to know that. 

***

The safe had scarcely even been fun to crack. Kaz slipped the document in his jacket, scanning the study. Who knows what one could find that people left unguarded. Jesper and Wylan were outside, keeping control on the stairs. The situation seemed under control, so he did have some spare time to search for something precious. He approached a drawer, flicked a pin in the keylock and - 

BOOM

A loud explosion resonated on the floor, rattling the walls. Definitely not a good sign. And definitely a sign that his henchmen raised some hell. Kaz sprinted out, only to find an absolute mayhem had been unleashed, and at the centre of this chaos, sure enough, stood his two royally idiotic friends, covered in dirt and pieces of furniture, gazing at each other with utter shock on their faces like they hadn’t just made a smoke bomb explode. The one that was supposed to be an emergency to cover their escape and was now invading the house. 

“What the hell did you do?!”

Screams rose below them; Jesper scratched some dust from his jacket and rolled his revolvers out, grinning in Wylan’s direction, apparently unfazed by how much they had just screwed up. 

“Wylan got carried away”, he shrugged his shoulders. Wylan flushed violently, jaw dropped in his boyfriend’s direction.

“You pushed me against a wall! I told you I had the smoke bomb in my pocket!”

“Were they making out again on the job?”, Nina rushed in their direction, her gorgeous face lit up with amusement as she struck down one of the guards running up the stairs with a flick of her wrist, a dart bone flying out of her cuff. 

“It’s Jesper’s fault! He’s always trying to...to…”, Jesper arched a brow at Wylan. 

“Yes?”

“Entice me!”

Kaz blew out an exasperated grunt, pushing them toward the background door. “Move!”, he seethed, running to work the lock. Dirtyhands getting killed on a saints forsaken robbery, perfect irony. With a quick look, he realized the damn lock had been reinforced with Fabrikator’s craft. He signaled Jesper, who practically squealed with amusement. 

“Do I get to use my powers?” The hard glare he earned from Kaz seemed to be enough for him to get on with his work. Nina turned, shooting other dart bones toward the stairs. Quick steps and screams were echoing through the buildings, and smoke was clearing. “You might wanna hurry up, Jes!”, she shouted over her shoulder. 

“We might have a problem”, the sharpshooter mumbled, as the lock literally melted on itself, effectively sealing the door closed. “I’m still getting the hold on - “

He was interrupted by another deafening explosion, as Wylan threw another device which detonated on the wooden stairs shredding them into pieces. 

“Do you all have to keep destroying our ways out?!”

“I’m sorry!”, screamed Wylan over the echoing thrum of the bomb, his gaze shifting to a window that opened up to the roof. 

“Do not even think about it”, Kaz pointed his cane at him. 

“Either we take a page from Inej’s book or we get arrested, what do you choose?”, Nina asked grudgingly, starting to climb on a cupboard. Saints, he was going to kill them all. Jesper and Wylan followed suit, making their way out on the roof and helping Kaz up. He shot a murderous look at Nina, who was eyeing him as he not at all gracefully moved up and shut the window closed behind him, swearing to every known Saints in Kerch.

“Since you are so bad at this, you should try to compliment Inej about it and maybe she’ll teach you something.” 

“Start fleeing before I catch you, Zenik.”

Shots began firing from below them, grazing Kaz’s arm. Nina erupted in a grin. 

“Time to run, Brekker.”

And so they did. Extremely far from how Inej would have done it. Loudly, stumbling throughout Ketterdam’s rooftops, helping each other - as much as he hated to admit it, mostly Kaz - on the slippery tiles and the narrow eaves. Ketterdam buildings left little space to breathe, being conveniently close that they could jump from one to the other. Kaz lost track of time, though his bad leg felt like they’ve been running for hours. Jesper stopped abruptly as they neared the docks, crunching on his knees and howling a breathless laugh. 

“That was fun.”

Nina giggled, slouching on the rooftop they had stopped on. “Ease up boys, we lost them ages ago”, she exhaled, closing her eyes toward the moonlight and leaning back. Kaz tentatively seated himself behind her, stretching his leg. 

“If this easy job ends up with me not being able to walk, vengeance will be coming.” 

Wylan and Jesper slumped down on his side, ignoring his dreadful look. Wylan peered at Kaz with a sly smile. 

“Jesper has stolen something fit to celebrate a successful heist.” 

The sharpshooter grinned, pulling out a bottle of cherry wine from nowhere and uncorking it with a whistle of joy. He passed it around as their cheerful chatter filled the night’s quiet. They were crazy. Crazy, reckless, and still idiots. Yet, Kaz couldn’t help but feel a little proud of his ragtag band of misfits. So he did not protest when Jesper handed him the wine, and he even threw a crooked half smile at him. The night began to wear off with every sip.

“So”, started Jesper at some point, snatching the bottle from him, “about our advice?”

It had to be the wine for Kaz to answer this. “I guess I can try it.”

Wylan huffed and gave him a knowing look.  “Just be yourself, Kaz. Inej likes you like that.”

“Ever the romantic”, Jesper winked at him, making him flush. Again. 

“Aside from that”, Nina propped herself up, turning to him, her lips quirked and her face lit up with happiness, cheeks red from the wine. “I still suggest the flowers. You know her favourites. And you might want to get ahead with those, Brekker'', she added, pointing her finger toward the horizon; over Ketterdam’s rooftops, the moonlight shone on the silent streets, reflecting on the waves that hit the docks. There, against the sky lit up by stars, stood the profile of a sharp ship, a flag Kaz knew by heart flying over the mast, its edges turning his stomach upside down as it entered the harbour. 

“Our Wraith is coming home.”

[ronans-sepiaphotograph]

I'm totally and completely bothered by the fact that there's not enough Kaz and Wylan content so as a book junkie I'm compelled to create my own-

Kaz and Wylan, our resident scheming faces and painting:

Wylan Van Eck may not be the loudest or the most outspoken of the Crows but he was observant.

So he knew who exactly was knocking on the door on the mansion just a while after Jesper had left to get the guns serviced.

Wylan was about to start working on a new canvas when he heard the door being knocked upon as he was walking towards his room.

Kaz Brekker stood in his glory, all suit, hat and his cane as Wylan opened the door.

"Hello Kaz" "Hey merchling" "I'm painting in my room"

Kaz walked through the doors as Wylan told him where he was going. It was not a schedule but it was definitely a schedule.

Wylan would paint and Kaz would silently watch him as they quietly talked, and it helped with Jesper absent sometimes because Wylan and Kaz were both not the greatest when it came to being chatty. Sure Jesper was great company, but sometimes they wanted the quiet.

Kaz walked through and over to Wylan's room with Wylan in tow and sat on his regular seat. Yes Wylan had a seat dedicated for Kaz to sit. It definitely made Wylan more nervous as Kaz watched him.

"how are things at the slat?" "Fine, it's too noisy" "you can come over here anytime you know?" "I know"

Wylan was nervous as he pulled out the package. He had been working on it for a while now. And it was scary that Kaz would be receiving it. He didn't even know whether he would like it or not.

It was a small box, and inside were six little canvases for all of them. Wylan knew Kaz often picked up little paintings he did, thinking Wylan wouldn't notice. But then Wylan would see them tucked away in his office mantle.

So Wylan had this idea of making something for Kaz. One canvas for a Crow, a member of his family. A Crow's head (Kaz), a Knife (Inej), Waffles (Nina), a white wolf (Matthias), a revolver (Jesper) and finally a flute (Wylan). He had spent hours on the little things and Jesper had found small ornamental frame to put them into. Wylan had packed them.

He was trembling and blushing by the time he slid the package over to Kaz, who was watching him with narrowed eyes.

"what's this?" "I know you take paintings from my room so I made these for you"

Kaz gave him a look and proceeded to open it, his gloved hands neatly unwrapping it. He gave Wylan a soft smile as he looked through them. He was blushing harder now.

"Do you like them?" "One of each of us" "yeah" "Thanks Wy"

The nickname made his eyes water and he looked away, wiping his eyes. Kaz tapped his cane on the floor and Wylan immediately snapped his head up. The smile was there, faint yet present.

"why are you crying?" "Nothing, just happy tears"

Kaz put the box back and sat as Wylan left to get them waffles and coffee. He had ice-cream since he was the only one besides Inej who knew Kaz had a sweet tooth. He didn't tell anyone because he prized his life.

"do you want to try your hand at painting?" "Me?" Kaz looked confused at the question as Wylan nodded. He bit into his waffle as Kaz silently thought.

"Scheming face" "I heard that" Kaz smirked at him as Wylan blushed.

"okay then, I don't think I have the skills like you do" "I'm not skilled, it's one the few things that I'm good at. And besides without these I'm wor-"

He was interrupted as the end of Kaz's cane was jabbing into his chest. Kaz glared, enough to remind him that he was still the Dirtyhands, even if Wylan looked up to him.

"you sure you want to complete that sentence Wylan?" Wylan shook his head. "Then let's get painting"

He nodded as Kaz got up and shifted closer to the desk as Wylan found them canvased to paint on. He got water and brushes and paints and rags. He got one of the old shirts for Kaz to wear.

"wear this, won't want to spoil your suit" "always the observant one" "I heard that" "I wanted you to"

Wylan turned away as Kaz proceeded to remove his coat and turned back again when Kaz prodded him. He thought he heard a chuckle escape Kaz bit probably though he was dreaming. He opened the windows fully so he could see the gardens below and the sea. It was Blue and pristine and there were seagulls flying in the sky.

Wylan squeezed out paint as Kaz made his scheming face again as he looked through the plethora of brushes Wylan had.

"How do your even choose which one to use Wy?" Wylan chuckled as Kaz gave him a look. "You should decide what you want to paint. I usually just paint the sea on the garden on sunny days and then something from memory when the days are gloomy" "the sea sounds okay*

He helped Kaz pick a brush and then pushed a palette full of paint towards Kaz as he sat beside him, maintaining enough distance. He chuckled when he saw Kaz fumble. He figured if was probably because of the gloves that he was struggling to hold the brush properly.

"I think it's the gloves that are making it difficult" Kaz scowled at him and Wylan shut up, why had he even voiced out loud? "Sorry, I didn't mean to. It'll be fine, give it a bit of time and you'll adjust"

Kaz ignored him as he thought about it. After a silent moment lapsed, he removed the glove from his hand. It came as a surprise and Wylan didn't know whether he had the right to watch so he just looked at his blank canvas. Kaz cleared his throat.

"it's much better now" "Kaz you didn't have to, I'm sorry" "It's for my own convenience and you were right, this feels much better.

Another one of Kaz Brekker's rare smiles.

Wylan smiled at him as he got to painting himself. Kaz busied himself with watching the sea and the dipping his brush in the paint. Wylan was going to paint the sea today, just with the added memory of one particular shil sailing and floating in it. The sea always made him miss Inej terribly.

Kaz groaned beside him as he dropped the brush down and leaned back and slumped in his seat. It was rare to see Kaz so out of his comfort zone.

"How do you even do this Wy?" "It has always been my escape, when I used to stay with Jan Van Eck and try to read and write. Don't think when you're painting that's all" "that's difficult" "for you, definitely"

Kaz glared as Wylan chuckled, blushing again. Kaz had draw strokes of Blue in various shades. It wasn't bad but it was evident that Kaz had no experience painting before. He gently prodded Kaz to pick up and try again, suggesting to just think about what he was trying to paint. Kaz huffed as he picked up his brush again. Wylan noticed that he held the brush a little awkwardly which would not help at all and make Kaz more irritated and without a thought put his hand over Kaz's, briefly touching as he adjusted the brush in Kaz's fingers.

And then the realisation hit.

Wylan was going to be murdered today, in his own house, by the person he had begun to consider a best friend.

Wylan trembled and pulled his hand away but Kaz turned to him and glared daggers that made him freeze. Yep, definitely going to get murdered, he thought.

"Don't you dare move Wylan"

And because he was going to get murdered he pulled his hand away and literally ran. But Kaz was quick because obviously as Wylan felt the cane latch into his shoulder, causing him to trip. He stood frozen, not daring to turn around.

"Wylan, turn around right now" he didn't. "I won't repeat" He turned around.

Kaz stood, gloved hands on his cane as he looked at Wylan.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry-" "stop talking"

Wylan did. He felt red and not all over as he felt his eyes water. Kaz put his hand forward and Wylan prepared to die but then Kaz just squeezed his shoulder. Wylan's knees gave out as he sank to the floor, on his knees. He felt his tears drop. Kaz sat down beside him. He didn't dare open his eyes.

"Wy?" "Yeah?" "Look at me?"

He opened his eyes and looked at Kaz. He expected to see anger, hatred and every hateful emotion in the coffee brown of Kaz's eyes but there was nothing. Kaz was looking at him, face devoid of expression.

"It took me by surprise because it's been a while since that had happened" "I was thinking Kaz I'm-" "Let me finish. But you don't have to worry. It just caught me by surprise that's all. And I know you didn't do on purpose, I know you would never Wy. You're our observant demo expert. You know these things better than others" "okay. I'm still sorry, I'll make sure it never happens again" "okay. It felt weird though, like a funny weird, feeling that again"

This time Kaz did let out a brief chuckle. Wylan blushed. Had Kaz Brekker just chuckled? Had Wylan just made him laugh?

Wylan looked at him, wide-eyed and in shock as Kaz got up and hauled Wylan up. He then surprised him by giving Wylan a brief side hug. Wylan was going to die of happiness today. The reason? Kaz Brekker.

"You trust me?" "That's a very stupid question Wylan"

Wylan gave a him and Kaz nodded while sipping on his coffee. Obviously I do, he meant. Wylan smiled as he wiped his eyes.

He then carefully showed Kaz how to hold the brush properly so could paint with ease and soon they were painting in silence, except for the music of the birds chirping and the trees rustling outside. Wylan smeared strokes of Blue's and Grey's and then a ship appeared on his canvas, The Wraith in all her glory.

He watched Kaz sometimes, who had apparently gotten the hang of it. He looked so out of place yet at home. Kaz Brekker painting with Wylan in his room, surrounded by art supplies, Wylan would never forget this day.

Jesper had knocked on the door a bell ago but Kaz had refused to let him inside and Wylan left to greet him with a kiss

"Wylan Van Sunshine have you dumped me for Kaz?" Wylan slapped his arm "Of course not, we're just painting and Kaz, well doesn't want to be disturbed" "Ghezen's sake Kaz is painting?" "Yes, with me" "what did you do to him Wylan?" "Shut up, we'll be done in a while. Will you please wait for us in the dining room?" Wylan made puppy eyes and Jesper responded by kissing him briefly before he disappeared and Wylan was back to his canvas. It took him some time more to finish adding the details to The Wraith. Kaz was done before him and was watching him as usual which made Wylan nervous.

"you know Kaz? You make me nervous by staring like that while I paint?" "It's amusing to see the experts at work"

Wylan blushed again as Kaz cleaned up his desk and Wylan followed. Their paintings were put on the Easel to dry. Kaz's was an abstract things but it was beautiful nonetheless, a clash of blues and beige's and whites. It looked just like the sea. Wylan smiled as he put the canvases to dry.

Jesper was waiting for them in the dining room for lunch as they sat down. He was grinning at both of them.

"So Kaz, did you have fun painting? Wylan's face suggests you did" "Don't push it Jes" "Hah! That's means you did! I wi have to tell Inej that Kaz Brekker has found a new pasttime with Wylan Van Sunshine!"

Kaz threatened him with a knife but Jesper just laughed. They had lovely lunch and Jesper disappeared again to practice with his revolvers.

Kaz was leaving as Wylan handed him his hat again. Wylan saw the shirt peeking from under Kaz's coat but said nothing.

"See you Kaz" "I want to paint again Wy" "Really?" "yes really" "okay, whenever you want"

Kaz gave him a small smile again as he waved Wylan goodbye and left for the Slat again. He didn't forget to take the gift Wylan had made for him.

The next day when Wylan went to his office regarding work about the Council, he saw all six of the canvases promptly put on the mantle, besides one of his own paintings.

"They look good" was all Kaz said. Wylan's day was made.

[writewithurheart]

Hearts of Kyber: Part II

a/n: Hello lovely readers!! We’re back for Part 2 of 3! I’m so happy to be able to share this with all of you. And once again check out the work the rest of Crow Squadron has done because it is absolutely FABULOUS.

Corporalki: @kazandthecrows

Materialki: @anubem (art link) @generalstarkov (art link) @pijoshi (art link) @mitdemadlerimherzen (art link | art link 2) @erandraws (art link) @nannadoodles (art link)

Summary: When an Imperial pilot defects, the Rebellion sends its best spies to find out what he knows. They discover the existence of a planet-destroying weapon known as the Death Star and a scientist who holds the secrets to its only weaknesses. Guided by the pilot, Wylan, and a former storm trooper, Matthias, Kaz Brekker leads a team to uncover the secret that can save the Rebellion before it’s crushed for good.

A Grishaverse Rogue One AU for the Grishaverse Big Bang 2021

Read on AO3 or below the cut: 

Part II

Inej wraps her scarf around her head as the shuttle enters the atmosphere to a downpour of rain. She checks her gear. There’s a couple scorch marks from the earlier fight, but everything else is in good repair. It should keep her relatively dry.

Satisfied with her equipment, she turns back to Nina and Matthias. Nina’s fallen asleep on Matthias’s shoulder, exhibiting that her ability to sleep anywhere remains intact.

He looks uncomfortable with everything that’s happening around him. Despite all he’s already shared with them, Matthias still looks unsettled. His hand grips Nina’s, thumb moving in circles against the back of her hand. Inej isn’t even sure he knows he’s doing it. It’s clear that he and Nina have gotten close over the last two years. Inej is happy for her friend. 

Matthias clearly didn’t sign up for this. He leaned on Nina for support through their entire conversation. She’s seen that confusion in contacts they’re trying to turn before. Normally Jesper was the one to help put them at ease. Kaz and Inej had their own modes of gathering information. 

It can be hard to be thrown into a new situation, and Kaz doesn’t exactly ask your opinion before he turns around and questions your entire belief system. Matthias doesn’t seem to regret what he’s shared. He had only floundered when Kaz had asked about the anti-military defenses. He’d moved past it quickly and all the information fits with what they already know about Imperial procedures. 

She moves through the shuttle back to Kaz’s side, leaving Nina and Matthias in their bubble. He’s on the radio to Rebel Command, sequestered in a little corner. She lets him speak as her eyes drift over Jesper in the pilot seat. The Imperial Pilot - Wylan - is pointing out something as the shuttle weaves around rocky pillars. 

It has something to do with radars and detection. Jesper’s the natural choice to fly, better with the quick maneuvers than anyone else on their crew. Inej leans against the wall and watches the rain through the windshield. 

Kaz finishes his report and turns back to her. He looks tired, his face tight and drawn. They’ve worked together long enough that she can recognize his expressions. He’s shutting down his emotions right now. Whatever they’ve said isn’t something he’s pleased with. 

She tilts her head. “What did they say?” 

His hand curls into a fist. “They want to send a strike team.” 

Inej’s gut clenches at the thought. In the last three years, they’ve, collectively, done terrible things for the Rebellion. They’re the team that gets their hands dirty and keeps the Rebellion well-informed. This weapon - the Death Star - is greater than any other threat they’ve ever faced. She honestly doesn’t know how they’ll face it without more information, which can only be found on Eadu according to Wylan. 

“What’s the play?” she asks. 

He taps his fingers on the head of this cane. He doesn’t look at her as he works through his problem. “They think it’s too risky to leave the scientists alive. We only have a couple hours before they arrive. If there is information, we have to get it before they get here.” 

Inej runs her hand over one of her blades as she considers the change to the plans. “That’s cutting it rather close.” 

He finally looks at her. He doesn’t say anything but he can tell by the look in his eyes that he knows it’s going to be difficult, but that she can do it. 

Inej pulls out her knife and starts to spin it as she thinks about how this changes their plans. “We can’t fight our way in. It would take too much time.” 

Kaz nods. 

“Me, Jes and Matthais,” Inej says firmly, nodding at her own thoughts. Kaz’s brain has to be on the outside if something goes wrong. Wylan is a liability: someone might recognize him. Nina would be an asset but they need Matthias’s understanding of base layout and protocol more. 

“Get the information and get out.” Kaz rubs a gloved hand across his jaw. “If the scientist slows you down…” 

Inej stops the spin of her knife and looks at Kaz. His meaning hits her. He wants her to kill the scientist if necessary. It needles her. He’s never asked her to kill before. It’s always been a matter of survival: fighting because there was no other way out of the situation. He and Jesper are always the ones who carry out of assassination assignments. 

She swallows thickly. 

“I can tell Jesper,” he offers. If he was a soft man, the words might even be tender, but Kaz Brekker has never been soft. 

“He might be the only one with the information,” Inej counters. Her hand lifts to the necklace around her neck. “Force knows we need to find a way to destroy that weapon.” 

He gives her a look. She knows he doesn’t believe in the Force even a little. He prefers to put his faith in his own mind. He also puts an extraordinary amount of faith in her, to the point of being dangerous, bewildering and exasperating. He believes in her and that’s heady, but it’s also exhausting because it’s not like he would ever admit it. 

He watches her for a moment, eyes boring into her soul. 

“We’ve got this, Kaz.” She assures him. She takes a deep breath to breathe in the will of the Force, like her mother once taught her. She doesn’t want to hear his reservations or doubts, because she knows he won’t say them and she doesn’t want this to drag on.  

“Keep your comms open,” he instructs. “We’ll be your eyes on the outside. We won’t be able to call off the airstrike.” 

She takes a deep breath and grips her necklace. She can do this. She’s choosing to do this. 

“It’s now or never,” Jesper announces, jumping out of the pilot seat. He checks his weapons and glances at Kaz and Inej. With his raised eyebrow, Inej realizes just how close they’ve gotten in the little alcove and takes a small step back. “You get in touch with Herr Peskal?” 

Kaz nods. 

“And?” 

“We have ninety minutes.” 

Jesper nods. His brows furrowed. “Any leeway in that?” 

“Should be more than enough time,” Kaz says instead, walking away towards the back. 

Jesper looks back at her, consternation written into his features. 

Inej releases her necklace. “We have to get the information and get out. There’s a strike team on it’s way.” She tightens the band on her braid and tucks it into her hood. 

He pulls on his own poncho. “Kill protocols?” Jesper checks his pistols as he asks the question. When it takes too long for her to answer, he looks up at her. 

“We get the information. If the scientist slows us down…,” she can’t finish the statement. Jesper’s eyes are soft as he nods, understanding what she can’t say. It’s silly that she still has these hang-ups. 

“Got it,” Jesper says. He slides his pistols back into their holsters and covers them with his poncho. 

Inej nods and moves to the hatch. Kaz stands beside the door and looks out. She stands beside him as they look out into the dark rain. He leans toward her, as close as he can be without touching. She meets his eyes. His eyes are heavy with determination about what needs to happen. In the years since she’s known Kaz, she’s seen him trade his soul for the Rebellion over and over again. He shut down his feelings under a layer of armor too thick for anything to penetrate. It’s a rare moment when she can read the depth of his emotions in his eyes. It’s only when he’s concerned about her or Jesper, not that he’d ever admit that. 

At times like this, she wishes she was the kind of person who was more comfortable with touch. She reaches out slowly and clasps his fingers. His eyes drop to her fingers and squeeze hers briefly. His eyes meet hers with the silent order to take care of herself. Inej nods in understanding and then steps back to flip her hood over her head. 

“We’re out.” 

She hears Matthias and Jesper follow her out into the rain. Their longer legs overtake her quickly and she falls into step with them easily enough.  

It turns out the infiltration itself is easy enough. According to Matthais, this base isn’t a military target and is isolated enough that they’re about to sneak in through an air vent. Or Inej is able to. The boys are reluctant to fit themselves into the vents. 

She crawls along to a control panel and allows Matthias to talk her through rerouting the cameras so they loop the current footage. It’s a crude set up but that’s all they have time and prep for. She uses the same panel to open the door for Jesper and Matthias. She sticks to the vents and drops into an empty lab based on directions she pulled from the system. 

“Kaz, who is it we’re looking for?” She asks the comm. 

“Bo Yul-Bayur.” His voice scratches over the open comm. “At least that’s what it sounds like. The pilot’s brain is still scrambled from Bor Gullet.”

She pulls up the scientist directory on a nearby screen and scrolls through the information. “He’s not in the main labs. They look empty. Jes, Matthias, got anything?” 

“It looks like there’s some sort of meeting on the main landing pad,” Matthias answers. 

“Got all the big brass and everything,” Jesper mutters. “They’re still gathering. This is the time to grab the scientist.” 

Inej starts opening cabinets in the room to see if she can find a spare uniform or a lab coat, anything that will help her blend in as she searches the halls for this Yul-Bayur she needs to locate. She’s about to despair when she notices a cubby on the far side of the room with something hanging on it. 

The white coat is a pretty good fit, if a little large on her slight frame. She only takes a moment to note that difference before her eyes land on a small picture that was hidden behind the hanging coat. It’s a holodisc, cleverly hidden that wouldn’t be visible in another light, but that’s not what stops the breath in Inej’s chest. She recognizes the photo and her own eyes staring up at her from the center, wrapped in her mother’s arms with her brother perched on her back. 

She hasn’t seen her family since she was stolen away. This means… 

The name tag on the jacket confirms her suspicion: Ghafa. 

A memory returns of a cold steel building where she used to play with a ship and where her father met with important men. She’s too young to care what’s going on, but she remembers the frigidity of it all. Nothing like the caravan and the acrobats which had always felt like home. She remembers that well. But not the before, not the time when her dad…

Whoosh 

The door opens and Inej throws herself toward the nearest workspace in the hopes that she can look busy, knowing the jacket should be enough camouflage that she doesn’t need to hide in the limited shadows. 

“Hey! You there! What are you doing at my desk?” 

The voice is a chill that runs up her spine. She’d been so sure that he was dead. That her father was lost that day when the troopers came to the caravan. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined he was alive, that he had been taken. 

Inej slowly turns around. There’s a suspicious burning in the back of her eyes as she finally lays on her father. He stiffens with a soft gasp when he finally gets a look at her face. They stand there in silence for a drawn out minute, staring at each other with open wonder. 

“I-I-Inej?” 

Her words are lost as tears start to fall so all she can manage is a jerky nod before she flings herself into his open arms and gives herself over to the joy of her father coming back to life. 

<hr> 

Kaz doesn’t do well when he can’t plan for all the variables on a mission. He scowls and glares out the windshield of the ship at the rain that thuds down on the clear screen. There’s nothing but darkness and rain outside. The comms have gone quiet as Jesper, Matthias, and Inej infiltrate the base. He’s not happy with hastily thrown together plans, even when it’s their only chance to snatch up invaluable information. He’d prefer this to have more finesse. 

Wylan Van Eck beside him still twitches nervously in his seat. His eyes are wide in perpetual shock, as if he can’t believe what his life is or how he got there. He’s going to have to get over that quickly. Kaz doesn’t have time to hold his hand. Whether he knows it or not, the pilot likely has valuable information given his relation to a relatively well-known commander of the Empire. Although whatever the Shu did to him seems to be taking its toll. 

It’s unfortunate. 

Nina finally moves from the back of the ship. In the screen, Kaz watches her stretch to wake up from her nap, as if this was just a normal turn of events. They’re going to have to talk about the last two years and her stay on Jedha, but again, that’s not the priority, not right now. Obviously, she did her thing and convinced a Druskelle to change ranks. It still makes her motivations now unknown. 

Kaz looks over the radar even though he knows the strike team is still a while out. He doesn’t like having nothing to do while his team does the difficult work. His mind is on Plan Q of this improvised operation. He dislikes the amount of variables and his role as back up. It would be irresponsible to leave anyone else with the ship. No one else would be able to make the call to leave if it came to that. 

“What’s got your panties in a twist, Brekker?” Nina asks from behind him. She’s managed to find some supply of sweets on this ship that he didn’t even realize was there. 

Her question prompts Wylan to observe him, snapping him from whatever reverie he found himself in. 

“There wasn’t much time to plan. It’s too sloppy.” It’s too risky. Kaz isn’t convinced that it’s worth the amount being risked. He doesn’t trust hearsay and rumors and fickle scientists. This could easily be a trap. 

“It’s more than that. The Force moves differently around those who are preparing to kill.” 

The pilot jerks in alarm. “What?” 

Kaz looks at Nina, projecting his own blank face. He’d forgotten how annoying her perceptiveness could be. Blasted Force-users. 

“Jesper was prepared to kill. Even Inej-”

“We’ve got a problem.” 

Kaz sits up and leans into the console at Jesper’s voice. “Talk to me.” 

“The scientist we were sent to get. He’s gone.” 

Kaz frowns. “What do you mean he’s gone?” 

“As in, dragged away screaming in front of a cadre of his own scientists and his son,” Jesper reports. There’s a voice too far away for the comm to pick up, which tells him the son is right there. “Kuwei says he knows how to destroy the device. But he won’t tell us until we’re off planet.” 

Kaz glances at the clock. They have time. “Wraith, report.” Each moment of silence screams that something is terribly wrong. “Wraith.” 

“She was in the labs,” Jesper reports. 

“They should be mostly clear by now,” Matthias adds. “We can pick her up on the way out. They don’t have much in the way of holding cells if she was captured.” 

“Because they’re more likely to shoot first than stop and ask questions,” Kaz surmises, an observation that isn’t immediately countered which does nothing to assuage his worry. Not that there’s any reason to be concerned about the Wraith. Inej is too good to be captured. 

“There would have been an alarm raised.” Matthias’s voice is hard. “They’re already on high alert. Jesper should take Kuwei back to the ship. I can blend in better on my own.” 

Kaz grits his teeth. It’s not ideal. Ideally his people need to be out of there but they need to know how to destroy the Death Star. “Do it.” 

Nina reaches past him to slam her hand against the control. “Alright, Brekker. Out with it.” 

She leans against the console and stares him down. Kaz looks blankly back at her. He didn’t miss dealing with Nina on a regular basis. She always struggled with the grey areas of their jobs, the ones where you had to make the tough calls. She liked to rely on the Force, on a higher power. Kaz prefers to rely on his own intelligence. 

“Who are you planning to kill, Kaz,” she enunciates, getting into his face. 

“No one.” Technically true now. The plan to kill the scientist is moot if they need him. The Rebel strike team is the more pressing concern at this time. 

“Don’t bullshit me. If anything happens to Matthias...” 

“You know that any infiltration has some amount of risk.” At this point, the risk is with Inej. If she can, she’ll get out of there. 

“There’s something more at play here.” 

Kaz glances at the time. “We need to know how to destroy the Death Star. That takes priority.” 

“Priority over what, Brekker?” 

He looks at her. “We also need to know they can never create another one.” 

Nina pales. 

“There’s a strike called in for the base.” 

“Well, then call it off. They can blow it up from the inside or something.” 

 He bats her hand away as she reaches for the comms. “We don’t have the explosives for that. Nor the time.” 

“The alarm’s been raised. We’re coming out hot.” 

Kaz’s blood freezes in his veins. That’s Jesper, not Matthias or Inej. That means they’ll have to take off quickly without hope of waiting it out for any stragglers. Nina meets his gaze in a challenge. He flips a button and the engines start up. He turns to Wylan in the copilot seat. “Can you fly us out of here?” 

He nods jerkily and reaches forward to start checks. Kaz bodily inserts himself between Nina and the cockpit. He has to lean heavily on his cane as he pushes back to the loading bay and opens the door. 

“Matthias-” Nina forces her way past him to jam on the button. Kaz smacks it off with his cane. 

“Inej will get them out if she can. We need to prepare.” 

“You bastard! I will never forgive you for this, Brekker.” 

His jaw clenches. Inej would never forgive him if he faltered on his path.  

“I’m going after them.” Nina rushes out the open door. Jesper arrives with an unknown entity in view. 

He can’t afford to wait for her. “Prepare for take off,” he shouts to Wylan as Jesper drags the scientist onto the space ship. 

The scientist collapses onto the bench, breathing heavily. Jesper looks back, pointing over his shoulder where Nina disappeared into the rain. “Where’s she going?” 

Kaz scowls. “She refused to leave her partner behind.” 

“Inej?” 

“Plan J,” Kaz responds. It’s his standard response when things go wrong. It’s their shorthand for ‘she’s going to find her own way out’.  

“We’ve got incoming,” Wylan shouts from the front. Jesper slams the door and dashes to the cockpit. The ship is his baby. 

“It’s the alliance,” Jesper calls. 

Kaz breathes out. He turns away from the door. “Get us out of here.” 

<hr> 

The alarm blares through the compound. Matthias listens to the sirens. Unless they’ve changed the signals, it’s the intruder alarm. Either Inej or Jesper has been found. He sighs and adjusts his suit, tugging at his borrowed uniform so it sits straight. It’s been two years and the outfit that once felt like a second skin now feels stiff and constraining. 

A platoon of troopers races past Matthias, down the hallway in the opposite direction. He overhears their leader shout about an unknown man with Lab Assistant Al Bul. Not that he has any idea where Inej might be. 

He heads towards the labs, nodding to officers as he marches along. He sticks his head into the various rooms. He lifts his hand to the silent comm. 

“Inej? Report?” 

He sees two scientists pulled from a lab in front of them. Only one is dressed in standard Imperial research regalia, the other just has a white overcoat. He vaguely recognizes the slight figure of Inej as she lurks slightly behind the scientist. 

“You’re supposed to be in the main hangar, Ghafa.” 

Matthias freezes. He knows that voice. It’s the same voice who trained him, the one that took him under his wing and trained him to take his place. Jarl Brum was the man who was a father figure since he was an adolescent. He’s the one he spent the last two years considering trying to contact. 

“Of course, Commander Brum. My assistant and I just had to finish one last computation. The captain didn’t communicate the urgency of the situation when he came by earlier.” The man sounds as polite and rational as any might be. 

“You know better than that, Ghafa. My second says he saw you on your way to the hangar when the announcement went up. You stopped. And who is your assistant? I don’t recall seeing this one around before.” 

Matthias curses. Inej isn’t sneaking under the radar. She’s not getting out of here clean, not when they’re already on high alert about a trespasser. The display in the hangar would imply that they know they have a leak, and Jarl Brum is the type to shoot first and then brutally interrogate. Leaving her is not an option. 

He drops his hand to the gun at his side and sighs. Two years ago, this wouldn’t be a consideration. He would turn himself over to Brum and gladly share everything he knew, use that knowledge to ingratiate himself to his pseudo-father. But that was before Jedha, before he witnessed what survival on the street looked like, before he learned what citizens of the Empire would consent to live under rather than suffer Imperial rule. 

He glances down the hallway and sees only one man at Brum’s side. The rest of the hallway is clear, but there’s no guarantee it will stay that way for long. Matthias looks down and sets his blaster to stun. He carefully doesn’t allow himself to think for too long. The first shot goes wide as Matthias readjusts to the Imperial blaster. He readjusts instinctually and the second shot hits the soldier in the middle of his forehead. 

Brum, with typical arrogance, doesn’t even reach for his blaster as he turns to look down the hallway. He blinks in shock as he recognizes Matthias. It couldn’t be too difficult now that he’s finally back in the Imperial uniform. 

“Matthias Helvar? My son, you’ve returned.” He turns away from the scientist. 

Inej has pushed the scientist behind her. She looks nervous as she glances between Matthais and Brum. 

“I’m not your son.” He might be a little defensive on that point seeing as he barely has the trust of this heist team. “We’re going.” 

Inej moves, keeping herself between the scientist and Brum as she pushes him further down the wall. Matthias doesn’t remove his eyes from Brum. 

Brum turns to face Matthias fully. “It’s good to see you. We thought you were lost when you landed on Jedha. You look well.” He takes a deep breath as Matthias starts to back away down the hallway. “You know you won’t get away. The entire base is looking for you.” 

He doesn’t dignify the statement with a response. He could shoot Brum right now, slide the gun from stun to kill. It would cement his change of allegiance. His finger hovers over the trigger for a moment. The hesitation costs him. Troopers round the corner. They waste no time in firing once they see Matthias pointing his weapon at Brum. He ducks and rounds the corner, firing back as he glances over at Inej.

“We need to go. Where’s Jesper?” Inej says from where she crouches beside him.

“He went ahead with the scientist,” Matthias replies. “They’re the ones who set off the alarm.” 

She scowls and glances around. “Where’s the hangar?” 

He pauses in firing. “The opposite direction from where the transport is. We need to go back the other way.” 

“No,” Inej counters. “Jesper and the scientist are back at the shuttle. That means they’re gone. We need alternate transport. Dad?” 

“What do you mean?” Matthias frowns. “They wouldn’t leave…” He’s cut off as the man gestures down the hall. Inej starts to move. Matthias hits his head against the wall. Of course they’re going to do something not in the plan. It’s what he should expect from an undisciplined bunch.

“They had no choice,” Inej whispers. She pulls a blaster on approaching troopers, causing them to drop back to avoid blasters. 

Matthias fires off a couple more shots as they race through the hallways. He curses in Fjerdan as they run. Stupid demon spies with unorthodox plans and no communication skills. “What are you talking about?” 

“There’s a strike team coming. They’re going to blow this base with us in it if we don’t get off planet now.” Inej’s voice is calm. 

When they get out of here, Matthias is going to have some strong words with Kaz Brekker about his asinine plans and the danger he puts his people in. “We’re going to the private hangar. The main one will be too crowded. It’s where they gathered the scientists earlier. Brum’s transport should be on his level.” 

He smashes open the door to an elevator. He lets Inej and the scientist in before him and then slams on the button to the correct floor as he remembers it. Finally he glances at the scientist and then to Inej. “I thought we wanted Yul-Bayur?” 

Inej shifts. It would almost be nervous except she looks completely unapologetic. 

“Why do you want him?” 

Matthias doesn’t speak. He has no idea who this scientist is and isn’t about to divulge secret information. 

“The Death Star,” Inej says, turning to face the man. 

He pales. “They finished it?” 

“How do you know about it?” Matthias crosses his arms, but his eyes follow the indicator on the elevator as they close in on their target. The door opens directly to the flight platform which is blessedly empty of guards. He stands with one foot out so the door won’t close and face the scientist. 

“I worked on it.” 

“We got word from a pilot that there was a way to destroy it.” 

Inej is too trusting. Matthias is ready to leave. 

“Yes, but how do you know this?” The man asks. “I was unable to pass that information along.” 

“You?” Inej laughs, throwing her head back and then throws her arms around the man. “Of course you did, Papa.”

That finally connects the dots for Matthias. He can’t let himself get distracted. If this is the scientist which has the information they need, then they need to get out of here even more now. He turns toward Brum’s personal shuttle. There are two other ships in close proximity - his guard ships. But they only need one. 

“Come on,” Matthias interrupts as he starts toward the main shuttle. 

Inej turns around and stabs one of her knives into the control panel, effectively destroying it in a single motion. It’s clever. He should have thought of it, should have realized. But the more important goal is to get out of here. 

Halfway across the tarmac, Matthias hears the shot. 

Inej’s scream pierces the air and the world stops as he spins around to see her father collapse to the ground. 

<hr>

 Nina regrets her choice as soon as she steps out into the cold, lashing rain. The wind rips at her braided hair. It slaps against her face and lands askew. Her boots are filled with water through the little leaks she never bothered to patch while living on Jedha. It was unnecessary on a desert planet, after all. 

Her robes whip around her and the darkness blinds her to her surroundings. Nina shuts her eyes and lets the Maker guide her steps on the uneven terrain. She knows Inej and Matthias are likely fine on their own. Something calls her forward. It demands she walk into the abyss. It’s a call she’s used to answering. 

She’s helpless to fight it. 

Nina learned it’s best to trust these moments of intuition, even as it annoys Zoya, Kaz, Matthias, and everyone she’s ever served with. It’s part of her unique times. 

The door to the base is ajar, likely propped open for breaks for onsite personnel, the kind that balks protocol and that is largely unknown save by those who frequent it. The site is abandoned in favor of responding to the intruder alarm. The door opens inward to soldier barracks and Nina quickly sheds her robes to change into the standard armor of a foot soldier, unnoticeable in the best of times. It’s the perfect disguise. 

The helmet is almost suffocating as she drops it over her head. The visor allows her startlingly little light to see by, probably as troopers are to be feared rather than effective. Nina lifts her bladder and proceeds into the hallway, falling into step with troopers moving rapidly in one direction. 

“Intruders at the West Entrance. Assistance has been requested.” 

“Belay that order. Platoon B divert to General Brum.” 

Nina follows the example of the troopers around her and salutes to the man who orders their change in objective. She’s part of the Rebellion. She knows the name Brum. Apprehension sends a shiver down her spine at the name of the man famous for rooting out and murdering Rebel spies. That Matthias served directly under him only adds to her anxiety. 

Brum himself meets her new platoon at the elevator with a scowl. It’s the first time Nina has ever seen the man in person but the frosty expression is reminiscent of her first days in Jedha with Matthias in his Druskelle idiocy. He stands stiff and tall, frosty in a way that Nina thinks he never learned to smile. 

“Intruders are headed to my private shuttle. Detaining them alive is preferable. Dead is acceptable. One former Druskelle, one girl, and Scientist Ghafa. THey must not be allowed to escape.” 

Again they salute with terrifying synchronicity. 

“Two of you, with me,” he orders as he steps into the lift. “The rest of you, take the stairs.” 

Thank the Force, Nina finds herself nearest the elevator doors and she steps in alongside another faceless trooper. One the ride, she focuses on her breath instead of her proximity to the man known to have murdered her comrades. Idly she wonders if her breath could fog up the inside of her helmet, if her breath was labored enough. 

She exits the lift alongside the other trooper, finger carefully on the trigger. She calls on the Force to protect Matthias and Inej. Briefly, she considers turning on Brum but the Force screams at her to follow this course of action. She doesn’t understand but she trusts it to guide her in her actions. 

There are already troopers on the platform, firing on Matthias, Inej and the scientist. She swore Jesper was the one with the scientist, not Inej. She watches as the scientist falls to a well-placed shot. Her resolve to listen to the Force almost breaks when she realizes that Inej and Matthias aren’t going to reach the shuttle without further casualties. A moment later, the Rebel spy ship emerges from the darkness of Eadu and rains down shots to cover their retreat. 

The troopers move for cover as Matthais and Inej carry the scientist over their shoulders and race for the ship. It looks almost comical - a man strung between the tall Matthias and the tiny Inej. Nina herself isn’t pleased at the arrival of the ship she swears she just saw fly off with the intent to leave them behind. 

It would appear Kaz and Inej are still doing the same circular dance of flirtation without addressing their own issues and feelings. 

“Bring that ship down!” Brum screams, as if the troopers’ meagre blasters could somehow penetrate the ship’s shield. 

“If I may, sir,” NIna says tentatively enough while still playing the obedient trooper. One with a brain. “Perhaps pursuit would be more successful.” 

Brum stares a moment before he once again starts barking orders. It looks like she’s getting off this rock anyway. The Force still has some use for her after all.

<hr>

They were out. They were minutes from freedom. 

The words are on repeat in her head as Inej drops to the ground beside her father. Rain soaks through her clothes as she pulls her father into her lap. His hand wraps around hers with surprising strength. In the background, she can hear Matthias shouting, the pew pew pew of blaster fire, and then something that sounds like Kaz’s rasp which makes no sense. They should have taken off by now, maybe even be out of the atmosphere. 

“Stardust,” her father whispers. His hand reaches up to brush dripping wet hair from where it hangs in her face. “Scarif...you must go to Scarif…” 

“You’re coming with us,” she whispers. Tears blur her eyes as she tries a watery smile. A hand grips her shoulder and abruptly the rest of the world comes back into sharp relief. She feels each drop of rain from the sky, the sizzle of hot laser blasts hitting water, and Jesper’s plea for her to move. “I’m not leaving him!” 

Matthias grumbles in a different language as he fires off another couple of shots. Jesper circles Inej to throw her father’s arm over his shoulders. Inej rushes to help her. Her father grunts as they shift him. He’s too injured to help them as they half carry, half drag him towards the shuttle. 

Kaz would have her head if he knew they were risking everything to bring her father with them. Her orders were to get the scientist out of there. If Jesper already got one, then they could have left her father behind. It’s her sentimentality. That’s what he would blame it on. 

Inej’s free hand wraps around the necklace tied around her throat. For so long it was the only memento she had of her family. She prays to the Force, to the long forgotten religion of her people as she staggers under her father’s weight. They can do this. 

Her feet land on a metal incline and Inej pushes herself to get to the flat of the ship. Matthias slams on the button to close the doors and Jesper slips out from his position holding Inej’s father up to race to the cockpit.

Only Inej’s superior sense of balance and upper body strength allow her to keep her father from dropping to the floor. Kaz slides over to take Jesper’s place as the shuttle leaves the tarmac. It rocks dangerously as they get her father to a bench. He groans as he lands hard on the unforgiving surface. 

“Matthias, I need you on the guns!” 

Inej blocks it all out as she focuses on her father, drinking in the lines on his face. “I’m here, Dad. We’re gonna help you.” Her eyes land on a med kit Kaz drops beside her. She throws it open to gaze at the contents they haven’t replenished in far too long. She rips his jacket open to find where the blaster shot landed. Her father’s hands fumble to help her only to still her hands. She frowns and looks up at him. 

“Papa-” 

“Listen, Stardust. The Death Star. There’s a way to stop it. A weakness…exhaust port...plans are on Scarif...your mother…” 

“You need to save your strength,” Inej whispers. His hands fall from hers, suddenly weightless. With one hand Inej claws through the med kit, her hands landing on bacta patches. She pulls his shirt back and desperately presses the medication to the wound. 

“You can’t leave me like this, Papa. I just got you back. I can’t lose you again. Not like this. I need you. You’ve got to meet Jesper...and Kaz. Jesper will make you laugh like you’ve never laughed before. Kaz is a bit harder but I think you’ll like how much he cares. He’s been looking for you, you know. You’re going to be okay.” 

She scrambles for the serum that will put him in stasis until they make it back to base. If there’s a chance to save him, it will happen there. Tears are hot on her cheeks. Inej presses her lips to his hands. They don’t grip hers back as he succumbs to the serum. His whole body goes slack under her hands, his eyes shut. The fight slips away from him. Inej loses her own battle and sobs in earnest. One hand finds her father’s pulse. Tension weeps from her body as she feels the faint flutter under her fingers. He’s still alive for now.

The motion of the shuttle smoothes out as the shuttle goes into lightspeed. 

“Inej-” 

Kaz’s voice is cut off as she looks back up at him. She stares at him, finally processing what his presence here means. “You came back.”

Inej forces a deep breath and pulls back from her father. She swipes at the tears on her face. Air won’t come easily. She wrestles with it as Kaz kneels beside her. Matthias returns from where he was manning the weapons. With surprising gentleness, he arranges Inej’s father on the bench, and checks his pulse again. He checks the bacta pack and nods. Inej rises to her feet and takes deep breaths. She tries to reboot her mind, to get it to focus on what the next step is. There’s something she need to be doing but all she can think about is what she just found that was then almost ripped unceremoniously from her grasp. 

They must have done it: gotten away from Eadu in one piece. Her eyes drift from her friends, her heart swelling with warmth only for her gaze to land on the newcomer. She feels ugly emotion rise in her chest as her eyes take in this scientist who was allowed to just walk away while her father is…

Inej can’t finish the thought. She shakes her head, and turns back to Kaz. There’s so much she wants to say, to ask about. The ship should have been gone and they came back. Kaz’s gloved hand slips into hers and he squeezes it. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t do anything else, but it feels like the world has shifted with that one singular motion. 

Her father is dead, but that will not be where this story ends.

<hr> 

Wylan’s hands are steady on the controls as he steers the ship into the landing field of the Rebel base. His breath is uneven in his chest and his heart feels like a jackhammer as he fears what this group will do to his already fractured psyche. He’s gotten better in the last few days - miles better than whatever it is Bor Gullet did to his brain on Jedha. It’s like his brain and body had to relearn how to communicate. 

He hasn’t told anyone that the symbols on the controls and all his displays are illegible to his mind. Struggling with reading isn’t new to him. It was one of those things his father despaired of before he shipped Wylan off to the flight academy, enraged that his son would never be an Imperial officer. Now the screens hurt his eyes. 

It doesn’t matter. He’s trained himself to fly without the assistance. It just gets in the way of good pilots most of the time. Jesper leans forward and looks over the screens, then glances at Wylan. He raises an eyebrow and falls backwards into his chair with an impressed whistle. 

“You’re not even reading the specs, are you? Are you some kind of super pilot?” 

Wylan glances sideways as he lowers the landing gear. He shrugs vaguely. The way Jesper is looking at him sends a shiver down his spine. It’s a loaded glance. He doesn’t want to look too deeply at what it means, doesn’t want to jump to conclusions about what he’s thinking. Any flirting is in his own head. 

“That’s hot.” 

Or not. Wylan frowns at him as he powers down the plane. “Are you serious, right now?” 

Jesper winks, and throws him a devilish smirk. “What can I say? Competence is a turn on.” 

“Stop flirting.” Kaz’s voice breaks through the fog in Wylan’s brain as he briefly forgets how to think. “We need to report.” 

“Aye, aye, captain,” Jesper throws back as he jumps to his feet.

“You’re ridiculous,” Wylan informs him. 

“Welcome to the Rebellion, Sunshine. Let’s go!” With more enthusiasm than he thinks is warranted, Jesper propels Wylan in front of him and out onto the dry base. He receives some interested looks, but not so many as the floating stretcher escorted by Inej and Matthias as it races into the base. 

“Will Pavel Ghafa be okay?” He asks, staring at the stretcher as it disappears. 

Jesper and Kaz both turn to look at him. Wylan wants to shrink away from their gaze. 

“How do you know Inej’s father?” Kaz demands. 

Wylan tilts his head. So that’s what he missed while flying the plane. “He was nice to me. None of the other scientists would speak to me. They…” They thought he was stupid. His first day on base, his father had made a point of shoving his face in everything he couldn’t understand by bringing him to the science labs. The joke was on him because Wylan could understand parts of it, even if he couldn’t read anything. Scientist Ghafa was the only one who noticed. Afterwards, he was the only one who continued to talk to him. “He taught me how to blow things up.” 

Jesper grins. “Damn. I like him already.” 

“Is he going to make it?” Wylan asks. 

“Did he ever tell you about his work? Anything about the Death Star?” 

Wylan pauses and tries to think about their past interactions. The memories stall. He sighs and shakes his head. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. He always told me to be careful, to keep my head down. I’m sorry. I don’t know.” 

Kaz nods and turns away. He makes a bee-line for a man and a woman, both waiting by the entrance to the base. The two of them are standing still while the rest of the base moves around them. It takes a special sort of power. 

Wylan looks over at Jesper and then past him to Al Bul. Kuwei had never been particularly kind to him, or mean, really. He doesn’t know much about him at all. He wasn’t happy with the way he was coerced into helping them get rescued, largely because he ended up being interrogated by Bor Gullet. Turns out the Shu weren’t too happy with the potential ability to get back two of their own citizens. Wylan would have appreciated that knowledge before he landed in Jedha to a hostile situation. 

“Don’t worry. We’ll get this solved.” Jesper nods at something Kaz conveys with a quick hand signal. His hand moves from Wylan’s shoulder with a quick squeeze. It lands heavily on Kuwei’s shoulder and pushes him forward. “Come on, Kiwi. We got you out, so now it’s your turn to cough up what you know.” 

<hr> 

The universe is a perpetual joke. 

Jesper plays with the settings on his blasters as he sits in the dark corner of HQ while voices rise and fall in impassioned debate. Kuwei, for all his supposed knowledge, can only tell them that there’s a critical weakness in the Death Star’s defenses. It’s in the plans, which he thinks he can create from memory. The leaders of the Resistance are far less trusting of this information. Spymaster Per Haskell is angry that he’s devoted so many resources on a dead end. Inej is pushing for an expedition to Scarif, where she can recover the plans. According to her, her father knows the plans are there. Genya seems interested in the plan, but the majority of the people present are convinced of the futility of the prospect. 

They’d rather continue along their familiar routes of information gathering. Even from across the room, Jesper can tell Kaz is going to follow Inej on this. That boy will move worlds to get her what she wants. 

Jesper gets to his feet and walks away from the noise of the room. He’d better get their ride ready. Wylan Van Sunshine is the only one to recognize his exit and he falls into step with Jesper.  

“What are you planning?” 

Jesper shrugs. “What makes you think I’m planning anything?” 

“The demjin would not give in so easily.” 

His head whips around to his other side where Matthias is now standing, face set in a scowl. “I’m going to put a bell on you.” They both continue to stare at him. “Stop that. There’s no plan.” 

“There’s a plan,” Wylan says, looking at Matthias. 

“Of course, there’s a plan.” Matthias agrees. “Nina’s on Scarif.” 

Jesper laughs. “That’s quite a leap.” 

“She’s on Scarif,” Matthias repeats. 

Jesper shakes his head. There’s no possible way he can know that. There’s a whole galaxy out there where she could be, and that’s if she got off the planet. The poor guy is delusional. “Look, I know it sucks that we left her behind. The odds of her surviving the strike are not great.” 

“Brum’s shuttle left after us. It survived the strike. She was on that ship.” Matthias says tightly. 

“I want Nina to be alive just as much as you do, but there’s no way you can know that.” Jesper squints at Matthias, trying to determine what Matthias actually knows and what is just him trying to will into being.

Matthias gets a pained look on his normally stoic face. He looks up at the sky, as if he can’t believe what he’s about to say. “I would feel it if she were dead.” 

Jesper looks at Wylan, glad to see that he’s just as lost as Jesper is. Jesper runs a hand over the back of his neck with a sigh. As much as he would love to continue his unbelieving attitude, Jesper knows the truth resonates in Matthias’s words. Nina’s alive and somehow is going to be exactly where she needs to be, but Matthias isn’t in contact with her. He’s just got faith. “I hope you’re right, soldier boy.” 

“Please tell me there is actually a plan,” Matthias answers. His face is all scowly. 

“Plans are a turn on for you, aren’t they?” Jesper speculates as he looks the soldier over. “How does that work out with you and Nina?” She’s the least rule-following person he knows. She likes to improvise too much when the Force speaks to her. 

Matthias doesn’t answer. He just narrows his eyes at Jesper’s tone. Jesper bites back a smirk. He’d bet good money that the reason it works is because they’re both soldiers, who are loyal and stubborn as hell. Helvar doesn’t seem like a complete dick, and exactly Nina’s type. He really does hope he’s right about Nina. 

Jesper pushes past them both and walks towards the mess hall, where he knows the intelligence agents who are on base spend their down time. Unlike many operatives who find ways to work the Rebel insignia into their uniforms, the intelligence agents are a paranoid bunch who value their identity too much to risk their allegiance being revealed, even a Rebel base. 

Generally, the intelligence agents are known as spies or The Dregs. Kaz calls them the Crows because they go out in the galaxy and collect shiny bits of information which they hoard and return in the hopes that it might turn out to be valuable. They don’t often work in large groups but they can recognize each other. Wylan and Matthias trail behind him as he walks across the way to Rotty, who’s sitting alone and staring into his mug. 

He looks up as Jesper drops into the seat across from him. His eyes take in the three of them, assessing even as he looks half asleep. That’s part of his charm. People underestimate him. He takes them in, looks around the room and then leans forward. “This about the meeting happening right now?” 

Rotty’s good at connecting dots. 

Jesper shrugs as if to say “what can you do”. 

Rotty throws the rest of his drink back and drops his mug on the table. “Is the intelligence worth it?” 

Jesper runs a hand along this jaw and the stubble that’s starting to grow as he looks around, glancing at Wylan and Matthias. “We have confirmation the information’s on Scarif. Nina’s on the inside.” 

Rotty blinks in surprise. “Nina? Zenik? I thought…” He looks at Matthias. “So the rumors about Jedha?” 

“All true. We need to move before things get worse.” Jesper glances around the room. “It looks like the vote will go the other way.” 

The Dregs have the best blank stares. Jesper watches his eyes and the calculations going on behind them. “Kaz?” 

Jesper knows he’s got him. Rotty will help them. “Sent me to spread the word. No orders. This isn’t mandated. It has to be your choice.” 

“Who do you have so far?” 

“Kanej and these two.” 

Rotty snorts. “You’re still hoping that catches on.” 

“It’s so much easier to say than Kaz and Inej every time. When we have time, remind me to tell you about the repressed pining from this last stunt. It’s a good one.” Jesper taps the table and stands. “Spread the word. We’re leaving as soon as the meeting lets out.” 

Rotty nods. 

Jesper is two tables away when Rotty calls after him. “How do you know Zenik is on Scarif?” 

Matthias tenses. It’s comical how easy he is to read. 

“She sent an encrypted message.” Jesper reveals with a grin. Then, because he doesn’t trust the druskelle yet, he throws in a little lie. “In the ship’s lights as Brum’s shuttle left Eadu. Kuwei confirmed Brum would fall back to Mustafar and then likely Scarif to check the Death Star plans. We’re watching the old channels for updates.” 

Rotty nods. 

Matthias shakes his head as they walk out of the cafeteria. “You could have just told me that.” 

Jesper laughs. “And missed the look on your face? Never! Now, come on, Helvar, Sunshine. We’ve got a ship to prepare. Stealthily.” 

<hr> 

“We can’t take no for an answer. You know this is wrong! We have to go. There’s no guarantee Kuwei has any idea what he’s talking about. It’s all guesswork. My father nearly died getting us this information.” 

Kaz leans heavily on his cane as they leave HQ as Inej rants in his ear. It’s been awhile since he’s been the recipient of one of her rants. They’ve long accepted their own philosophical differences. He knows her well enough to understand that this is different. This is the first tangible connection she has to her family. Defeating the Death Star is now a part of his legacy and she’ll do anything to protect that. “I know, Inej.” 

“So why didn’t you say anything?! You stood silently by. You didn’t even argue for a plan that could work.” 

He rubs at his leg like that will alleviate the pain. It’s not great that it’s worse today but Kaz has worked through the pain before. It shouldn’t cause any hiccups assuming that they can get out of here before someone tries to stop them. Based on Genya’s nod as they left, he’s willing to bet that she’ll run interference. 

“They were never going to agree. Scarif is a stronghold. We haven’t been able to infiltrate before. Whoever goes in, even if they succeed in getting the plans, they would likely die.” The words are harsh. They have to be. He can’t have anyone doubting the risks involved. 

“It would be worth it.” Inej’s eyes are fire, pure passion. It does funny things to his heart beat. She’s a woman meant to live life to the fullest. She’s never more beautiful than when her whole heart is devoted to something she cares about. 

Kaz holds her gaze for a minute and then nods. “I agree. That’s why Jesper’s collecting the Crows.” 

He struggles with a smile at the shock and warmth in Inej’s gaze, the way her lips part in surprise. The him of several years ago wouldn’t have made this choice. He turns away from her and continues to walk. His smile would come out if he continued to look at her. A few years ago, he wouldn’t have let this melt the ice around his heart, but he’s started to let people in again. It’s a strength as much as a weakness. 

“We’re going?” She speeds up to walk in front of him, turning so she can face him as she walks backwards. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“If you didn’t fight for your father, Haskell would have been suspicious. He would have grounded us.” 

Her eyes sparkle and another little bit of ice melts.  Her hand reaches out like she’s going to reach for her hand. Kaz’s chest is tight - both with desire for her closeness and in fear of contact. Slowly telegraphing her movements, Inej’s hand lands on his forearm. He stops in the middle of the hallway. The bile he expects doesn’t overwhelm him. Instead, it feels almost nice. He relaxes into it as he drinks in her gaze. She smiles at him. 

“Thank you.” 

He shrugs. He only did what had to be done. Kaz slowly turns his hand over and pulls it back so that their hands meet, fingers intertwining. He stares at the contact and wonders briefly what it would feel like without the gloves between their skin. He wants to be brave enough to push himself to that point but he’s not ready for that yet. 

He loosens his grip and lets their hands slip apart before he starts walking, glancing around the hallway. Per Haskell has his eyes on them despite being engaged in conversation with Genya in the entrance to the conference room. 

“We need to get out of here before we get locked down.” 

Inej nods. “Right.” She pulls away and they start to walk down the hall again. 

Kaz’s tensions relax when they reach the hangar and see the Crows all milling around the shuttle, looking inconspicuous for the moment in the bustle of people, but he knows it’s not long before they start attracting attention. His eyes flit to each familiar face. They acknowledge the silent signal and all head toward the shuttle. 

It’s a tight squeeze, done nearly silently. It isn’t until he’s moving toward the cockpit when he hears the agitated back and forth of two dissenting voices. 

“You’re doing it wrong. We’re never going to get out of here with that clearance code.” 

There’s an annoyed huff. “Well then, you’re in charge of the code. I can handle the flying.” 

“It’s my ship. I’m the pilot, Sunshine.” 

Kaz reaches the entrance to see both Wylan and Jesper at the controls. 

“You don’t fly like an Imperial pilot. They’re going to notice.” Wylan glares at Jesper and bats his hand away from the control he’s reaching for. “Just focus on the codes.” 

Jesper leans forward. “You know, it’s kind of hot how you take charge.” 

Kaz clears his throat. He ignores the way Wylan’s skin flushes and Jesper’s predatory grin. “Time to fly.” 

Engines hum to life, shortly followed by a radio static call. “Imperial Ship, you have not been cleared for take off. Please state your call sign.” 

Wylan and Jesper look at each other in alarm. It’s almost comical. Jesper, only slightly less useless in this situation grabs the radio. “Oh, right. Tower, this is Rogue...One.”

Kaz closes his eyes at the stupidity. Even Wylan looks pained. Jesper however forges ahead. 

“Rogue One, taking off.” 

He closes the radio connection as Wylan maneuvers the shuttle into the air and they head off into uncertain danger. Kaz glances back at Inej. She meets his gaze with the same stoic determination. At least they’re in this together.  

...

Keep an eye out for Part III coming out next week!

[benmparks]

Six of Crows (series) Review

patreon | kofi

Last night I picked up Six of Crows again, pretending I was just going to peruse it for the purpose of this review but who am I kidding? I am fully obsessed with these books, I just wanted to read it again. With that being said, welcome to my review of the Six of Crows duology, Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo.

Review

The duology follows six members of this gang, the Dregs, that Kaz Brekker basically runs as they try to outwit some big players. Somehow Leigh Bardugo manages to jump from six POVs and not only make it work, but also use it to her advantage. The plot is crazy heist after heist, a lot of violence and darkness and yet every character and scene feels so endearing. The character work is crazy in these books, and at the end of the day the focus isn’t the crazy stunts they pull but the dynamic and connections between these six very different characters and how in the end they do care about each other despite the odds.

In the big picture of things, both of the books get a 4/5 Goodreads stars from me. I could not put either of the books down, and to be honest it felt like one long book if only because I read them back to back. Six of Crows is the “introduction” to the characters, but the book jumps right into it. The writing is very dense with character and world building, in a way that I found entrancing instead of boring somehow. I think I can credit that to the richness of the characters, and my immediate love for each and everyone of them. Admittedly, if I didn’t already know them from the show, I don’t know if I would have made it past the first page which is why it only gets 4 out of 5 stars. It was a thick book, and sometimes my eyes did just glaze over the words to try to get it moving.

The ending of Six of Crows was almost cruel, and I had to wait a day before I could get Crooked Kingdom. Reading Crooked Kingdom was like running a marathon and I have to admit, I’m not sure it was because it was very interesting or I just really wanted to get to the good parts. The plot in Crooked Kingdom gets a little repetitive, and I just really wanted Kaz to get some rest near the end, but the writing and some scenes really saved the whole book. I have reread some scenes multiple times already, Ms. Bardugo does have a solid grasp on writing emotion and dynamics in a way that feels so authentic like I am watching it play in front of me.

Some Thoughts

To be fully transparent, I read these books so quickly and in a haze of hyper fixation, so my review is probably biased but the books really did deliver on the character building that I wanted after what I had seen of the crows in the show. The writing was truly captivating, and the plot had me stoked to see how they managed to pull it off. By the end of Crooked Kingdom, I had managed to figure out the pattern though, which made the final resolution a little lackluster to me.

I really liked how casually diverse the cast was, with people of color with their own fantasy cultures, diverse romances, and even some disability representation. Kaz, my favorite character, has a limp and PTSD induced touch aversion like........ That spoke to me on a personal level. (I don’t have PTSD, but I also can be averse to touch at times.) The way that all of this works together, the diverse character with their diverse traits and flaws, was a masterpiece.

I keep going on and on about the characters, but I am truly amazed at how well they were built throughout the series both personally and their interpersonal connections. You get the sense that they are a dysfunctional family that deeply cares for each other. I said it already, but it is really endearing despite all the violence and thievery. So much so, that the rest of my review will be about that.

Let’s talk about the relationships

Kaz and Everyone Else

Everytime I write this review it devolves into me going on and on about how much I love Kaz and here we are again... but really. He carries the story, okay?

As I said, Kaz is the cold and calculating “leader” of the Dregs. He is known in the Barrel (where they live) as a ruthless killer who cares about furthering his gang than anything else, which is sort of true but not the whole story. By the end of Crooked Kingdom, I think what Kaz cares about the most is getting everyone else out safely. He had dragged them all into the mess they were in, where chances of getting out alive were slim, and he felt personally responsible for making sure it worked for everyone else. This was the part where I was reading just so maybe he would go to sleep, because I was so worried about him.

There were other moments throughout the books that showed his “soft side” for his gang, but in ways that they wouldn’t read as friendliness. He acts very careful to continue his persona around everyone except...... Inej. Which we’ll get to in a moment.

Kaz and Jesper

Jesper is sort of Kaz’s right hand man, he is introduced to us in that context anyway. It is not made clear, as I remember, their relationship much further than this but Jesper clearly looks up to him. Impressing Kaz, or proving his loyalty to him, seems to be a main driver in Jesper’s actions. He clearly wants a more personal relationship with him, and is constantly disappointed.

I liked how they portrayed these two, switching POVs to show that they are very clearly close personally but neither of them really knows. Near the end, in a dramatic and emotionally charged scene, Kaz accidentally calls Jesper his dead brother’s name and I think that says it all. That was one of my favorite scenes because after two books of this sort of tense relationship between them, it kind of ties it all up in a bow. Kaz does care about Jesper, maybe too much in his opinion.

Jesper and Wylan

Wylan is the estranged son of the merchant that they were up against, so the crew originally sees him as a bit of an outsider. He had a rich upbringing, so they think of him as soft and he’s only originally used as something to hold against the merchant. I loved him, he was the voice of reason in the group. A look into what a normal person might see when interacting with this band of thieves.

Jesper is a flirtatious character, he flirts with everyone, but you can see the slow way his flirting with Wylan changes into something a little deeper. Their relationship was masterfully done, it was like I stumbled into it. It was like, halfway through Crooked Kingdom, I suddenly cared a lot about them which made the twists and turns of their relationship so much more fulfilling.

One side note, I personally didn’t care for their final resolution. I’m not big on sappy endings, so there’s that.

Nina and Inej

I love a female friendship, okay? Nina’s entire story seemed to focus on Matthius and her being a grisha (someone who can use magic), so her interactions with Inej were refreshing. Nina was like the heart of this troupe, trying to keep the focus on a righteous goal instead of the money that Kaz seemed to only care about. (Seemed being the operative word). Inej was a perfect counterpart to that, as her religious and cultural background kept her on the softer side of things despite integration to the Dregs.

I think it was those parts of their story that made them care so much about each other, they were two girls trying to keep a part of themselves in this crazy world of the Barrel. In the midst of all the darkness and scheming, their softer bond was a welcome addition.

Nina and Matthius

I said this in my Shadow and Bone review, I just don't care for these two. Nina, as I mentioned, is a grisha and Matthius was a grisha hunter who did try to kill her. Maybe a little too enemies to lovers for me, and too fast. While I think their dynamic was better portrayed in the books, I still didn't really like Matthius as a character and I didn't feel a strong enough reason for Nina to care so much for him. I think their story is a little too insta-love for me. (I also had a major spoiler about the two of them which I don't think helped, let's just say I knew not to get too attached.)

Kaz and Inej

Alright. I’m writing this.

Kaz wears gloves all the time, except with Inej.

I mean, that’s the dynamic. He is that cold blooded guy from the Barrel, except with Inej. He doesn’t want to admit that he feels anything besides professional feelings for her, but god does he pretty much from the start. When he’s losing his mind, it’s Inej that brings him back. When Inej is attacked, oh my god the writing for that part. He lost it, and it was dark and scary because he was scared he was going to lose her.

Yet, still, he won’t admit it.

Inej wants to believe he is that cold blooded guy from the Barrel, she wants to believe there is something else in him but whenever she tries to find it, he pushes her away. Still, she stays and tries again until she gives up but Kaz doesn't give up on her. Kaz never gives up on her, everything he does is for her in the end. He wants her to get everything she dreams for, even if he thinks dreams and hopes are stupid distractions.

And, in the end, he does that for her. And they hold hands.

(Which is a big deal because, as I said, he’s touch averse but he wants to touch her...............................................)

Anyway.

That’s my review.

The characters carried the story which got long and repetitive at some points, but I really did devour these books in a matter of days and I’m still rereading parts just to relive them again. 4/5 stars.

Thanks for reading.