#that lauren story always weirds me out

[panlight]

Twilight Superlatives: Most Changed

This one was tough to come up with options for since like . . . no one really has a character arc outside of Bella and Edward really.

Lauren, from SM's NM FAQ: "Ha ha. I had fun imagining this one—I only wished that it had fit into the book somewhere. Lauren fell victim to the “model discovered in the mall” scam. An alleged modeling agent approached Lauren in a mall in Victoria, B.C., and told her she was a natural model. Lauren ate it up. The agent told her that if she did something edgy with her hair, and took some high quality head shots, her future was assured. Lauren followed the instructions—dropping fifteen grand on the pictures taken by the agent’s partner—and waited for her career to begin. She’s still waiting. Snort."

[lemoncrushh]

Kiss Me Deadly

SUMMARY: The annual Halloween party at the local pub has Y/N excited when she decides to invite her boss at the University, Mr. Styles. But she soon begins to second guess her decision when Harry starts acting odd. Is Harry Styles really who she thinks he is? Will this Halloween be a fantasy come true…or the kiss of death?

WARNINGS: mentions of blood (I mean, it's a vampire fic lol), smut (oral - female receiving).

WORD COUNT: 6.4k

A/N: Happy Halloween! Sorry for the delay of this story. I had hoped to get it out last week, but I had some weird life-altering things happen that have occupied my mind. Hope you enjoy. FEEDBACK IS LOVE.

Harry removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, shutting the large book on his desk. Rising from his chair, he called out to his assistant.

“Time to lock up, Y/N. I wanna get out of here before eight o’clock.”

“No problem, Mr. Styles,” she said, closing her own book in front of her.

Pursing his lips, Harry shook his head. Y/N knew what the look was for. For weeks now he’d been insisting she call him by his first name. But being his assistant, it felt odd to her, unnatural.

Not to mention the horrible crush she had on him. Truth be told, Y/N had a massive crush on him long before she ever took the position as his assistant. But up until then, he’d only been Mr. Styles to her, the attractive English TA with a British accent.

When Mr. Styles and Dr. Osborne had initially told Y/N about the position and that she’d be perfect for it, she’d been completely surprised. Teacher’s Assistants didn’t usually have their own assistants. But the university had a large English department, and Dr. Osborne insisted that more help was needed. Therefore, Y/N had been spending Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings this semester assisting Mr. Styles, and in turn, assisting Dr. Osborne.

“How many times is that now?” asked Harry, sliding his glasses back onto his face.

“Times?”

“Times I’ve told you to just call me Harry,” he commented with a frown. “Mr. Styles makes me feel so old.”

Y/N chuckled, “You’re not old.”

“‘Course not. I’ve barely got a few years on you.”

Trying not to blush, Y/N took the stack of books in her arms and turned toward the shelves to put them away.

“So why are you closing up early tonight? Hot date?” she joked.

Y/N heard Harry snort before she turned around and saw the strange look on his face. Embarrassment? Had she pried where she shouldn’t have?

“Not exactly.”

“Oh.”

“I have plans…but I wouldn’t exactly call it a date,” he added.

“Ah. I see.” Although she didn’t.

Y/N didn’t know much about Harry Styles outside of his job at the university. She always wondered who or what he went home to every night. Didn’t know if he had any social life, anything about his likes or dislikes that weren’t English related. He seemed to keep to himself, and Y/N respected that. But it didn’t mean she didn’t fantasize sometimes…

“Y/N,” she heard him say, breaking her from her reverie.

“Oh, um, yes?”

Harry chuckled. “Wow, you were zoned out. I asked if you were ready to go. I’ll walk you out.”

“Oh. Yeah!” Y/N stammered. “Hang on, just have two more books to put away.”

Shelving the last book in her hands, Y/N grabbed the two on her table and quickly put them in their places. Walking past Harry to the coat rack, she grabbed her jacket, getting a whiff of his delicious cologne. Y/N wasn’t sure what it was, and was always afraid to ask him. But every single day he smelled divine. Nothing like the boys in college.

“Ready,” she announced, slipping her arms into her sleeves and grabbing her shoulder bag.

Y/N followed Harry down the steps to the entrance of the English building. Spotting her friend Lauren across the pavement coming out of the library, she waved and called her name.

“Have a good night, Mr. Styles,” Y/N paused, “I mean, Harry.”

She caught the twitch of his lips underneath the dim campus light before he said, “You too, Y/N.”

“That guy you work with is so hot,” remarked Lauren after she and Y/N had both ordered drinks at their favorite local pub.

“Who?” Y/N asked, accepting her beer from the bartender, “Harry?”

“You call him Harry?”

“He asked me to,” she said. “But I still call him Mr. Styles.”

“Jesus, that’s even hotter!”

Y/N laughed, nearly knocking over her glass. “Well, you’re not wrong. He is hot. But he’s very reserved.”

“Ooh the nerdy, quiet type! I like! Maybe you need to pull him out of his shell.”

“I dunno,” Y/N smirked with a shrug.

“C’mon. I bet you’re just the girl to do it,” Lauren insisted.

“And how do I do that, pray tell?”

“Ask him out!”

“I can’t just ask out my boss! There has to be rules against that sort of thing, right?”

“Hmmm,” Lauren nodded, taking a sip from her own beer. “Maybe casually suggest something. Like coffee, or a drink after work. In a social gathering type place, like here. Oh my God!”

“What?”

“The Halloween party! He probably knows about it - he might even already have plans on coming!” squealed Lauren.

“I doubt it,” Y/N shook her head.

“You never know. It’s mostly a school event anyway. You don’t even have to ask him out on a date, just tell him you’ll be there and he should come.”

“That’s actually not a bad idea,” Y/N muttered, chewing her lip.

“I know! I have brilliant ideas,” Lauren declared.

Despite the unusually warm night, Harry could see his breath in front of him, instantly dissipating into the air. He pulled the collar up on his black coat as he continued down the pavement. Stopping at the corner of the pub, he could hear the music and chatter from inside. But there was only one voice he wanted to hear. Only one person whose blood he could already hear pulsing through his eardrums.

The smell was intoxicating - her smell. His mouth began to water as he peeked through the blinds of the old family pub. He found her quickly, sat at the bar with that friend of hers, the one who’d ruined his plan.

He had hoped to follow Y/N home after leaving the English building. Watch her climb the steps to her flat and let herself in. He’d done it a few times before, but he wouldn’t call it stalking. He just enjoyed her aroma, the rushing of her blood through her veins. Then when he was sure she was home safely, he’d turn around and walk home.

This particular night, however, he had thought perhaps he’d get the courage to walk up to her. Maybe act as if it was a coincidence that he was in her part of town. He’d even conjured up a lie, saying his plans for the evening had gotten canceled, if she seemed happy to see him. Then he’d ask her to join him for a drink. A glass of wine perhaps. But not at this noisy pub, no. Somewhere secluded, more…romantic.

Blasted Lauren, or whatever her name was. He reckoned he’d have to wait for another night. But…time was running out…

Lauren and Y/N called it a night after only two beers. Y/N was tired and Lauren had an early shift at the shop where she worked. After giving her friend a farewell hug, Y/N crossed the street and headed for home. She noticed a bit of a fog, thinking it suitable for this time of year. Halloween was only a few days away. She hadn’t originally planned on going to the party at the pub, seeing as Lauren had a date and she didn’t want to be the third wheel. But now the prospect of asking Harry had made her change her mind.

Making a list of possible last-minute costumes in her head, she suddenly heard something behind her. Turning her head, however, she saw nothing but empty pavement. Continuing on her way, she’d almost reached her building when she heard something again. This time, she turned swifty, seeing only a cloud of pillowy smoke. Thinking it odd for the fog to circulate in that manner, she felt a chill run down her spine. Her eyes shifted from side to side as her body stood frozen.

“Hello?” she called out meekly.

When she got no response, she slowly turned back around, only to run into a tall frame of a man. She nearly screamed when two hands grabbed her shoulders, but her words stalled when she looked up into a pair of familiar green eyes.

“Oh! Mr. Sty- Harry,” she breathed. “What…what are you doing here?”

“I’m terribly sorry, Y/N,” he said, squeezing her shoulders. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Still trembling, her heart beating loudly, Y/N blinked and nodded. “It’s…it’s okay. I thought someone was following me.”

“Oh, well now I do feel terrible.”

“No,” she swallowed, placing a hand over her chest. “Don’t, really. I was probably just paranoid. What with the fog and all.”

“Ah, yes. It is quite a foggy night, isn’t it?” Harry gazed around.

That was when Y/N noticed he wasn’t wearing his glasses. She chuckled nervously as she felt Harry’s hands leave her arms.

“So what are you doing here?” she asked, bracing herself to hear Harry reveal details of his evening.

“Well, I…” he echoed the nervous chuckle, scratching his forehead. “It’s rather embarrassing actually. My plans got canceled.”

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that,” Y/N remarked.

“I’m not,” Harry grinned.

Y/N felt the blood rush through her veins at the way he smiled at her. She’d seen him smile many times, but this was different. It was as though a sudden spark had ignited behind his eyes.

“I know there’s a popular pub nearby,” he added. “Fancy a drink?”

Y/N’s eyes widened. Was he seriously asking her? Now?

“Well, I…” she muttered, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “I um…actually just came from there. Had some drinks with a friend.”

Harry caught himself before saying, “Oh, right.” Don’t be daft, Harry. She can’t know. Not yet. Instead, he cleared his throat. “I see.”

God, you’re a moron, Y/N scolded herself. He’s asking you out and you’re saying no?

“But you know…” Y/N quickly thought on her feet, “I may have a bottle of wine at my place. It’s just up there.”

“Really?” Harry cocked a brow as he turned his head in the direction she pointed.

“Sure. That is, if you’d like to come up.”

Would I? “Um, yeah, that sounds…great,” Harry nodded.

Y/N tried to conceal her delight, giving only a casual grin as she turned toward her building. She could feel Harry’s presence behind her, his shadow taller than hers underneath the streetlamp. It made her feel safe, but at the same time a tiny bit apprehensive. She had never invited Harry - nor anyone from the university for that matter - up to her apartment. She didn’t even think he knew where she lived. And yet…here he was. Just when she’d been thinking of him.

When she reached her front door, she scrambled for her keys, dropping them on the ground.

“Shit,” she cursed, but before she could bend down to retrieve them, another hand held them out in front of her.

“Oh. Thanks,” she whispered, her eyes meeting Harry’s who was already standing beside her, his body so close that she almost gasped.

“You’re welcome.”

Y/N didn’t miss the way his tone was so incredibly low, she felt it vibrate in her chest. She also didn’t miss the way his gaze didn’t leave her face, even when she inserted the key in the door.

“I really need to use the restroom,” she announced as soon as they were inside. “I’m so sorry. That beer I had earlier went right through me.”

“No worries,” Harry chuckled.

“Have a seat,” Y/N gestured with a smile. “I’ll be right back.”

As soon as she had shut the bathroom door, Harry slipped out of his coat, placing it on the armrest of a nearby chair. He then walked casually around the room, inspecting knick knacks and books on the shelves. Spotting a photo in a frame, he picked it up, Y/N’s smile gazing back at him as he felt a sudden rush. As though he’d been shocked with electricity, he quickly set it back on the shelf.

“Sorry about that!” he heard Y/N sing behind him.

He turned with a smile. Somehow in the few seconds she was gone, she had managed to make herself look even more…inviting. She wore an oversized jumper with the University logo on it and a pair of plaid flannel pajama pants. She couldn’t have looked cuter if she had been dolled up for a night out. But as she stepped closer to him, Harry got a massive whiff of her aroma and nearly stumbled backwards.

“So…wine!” she pointed at Harry with a giggle before turning for the kitchen.

“You know,” Harry swallowed, “we could take a raincheck if you like. I know you’re probably tired and…” His words stalled when he saw the disappointed look on her face.

“I just don’t want to put you out,” he finished.

“Oh, you’re not!” Y/N insisted. Then she reached for glasses in the cupboard, softly adding, “I’m actually glad you’re here.”

“You are?”

“Mhm,” she nodded, sucking in her lips. “I wanted to ask you something.”

“Really?” Harry raised a brow.

Y/N felt the color rise on her face as she poured the wine. “I assume you’ve heard of the Halloween party?”

“I have. It’s at that pub, right?”

“Right. Are you going?” Y/N hesitantly handed Harry a glass.

“Thanks,” he said, taking a sip before making eye contact. “Um, hadn’t really thought about it, honestly.”

“Oh.”

“Why? Are you going?”

Y/N sighed as she leaned against the counter. “I wasn’t planning on it, but…my friend Lauren’s going, and her boyfriend Josh. A couple other people I know said they probably will…so…”

“You don’t have a date?”

Y/N stood up straight, her eyes wide. “Oh, it wouldn’t have to be like a date or anything,” she explained hastily. “Just…you know…thought you might like to go.”

“Ah,” a smirk grew on Harry’s handsome face. Damn it.

“I mean, I’ve never really seen you outside of school other than tonight, and…you totally don’t have to-”

“I’d love to,” he interrupted.

A loud exasperated breath blew from between Y/N’s lips. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Harry continued grinning as he walked around the kitchen counter to stand next to Y/N. “I like Halloween. And I like you.”

Y/N’s eyes widened as Harry came closer, his last words hanging in the air. She was almost unsure if she’d heard him correctly. But when he lifted his wine glass to his lips, took a sip and lowered it revealing another smirk, she knew she had.

“You-you do?”

“Of course. I thought I’d made that pretty clear, no?”

“No,” Y/N shook her head, “actually.”

“Shit. I must be terrible at this then.”

Y/N giggled, covering her mouth. “No. I’m horrible at reading signals, I think.”

Harry’s smirk grew into a wide smile. “Well, I reckon that’s out there now. Cheers.”

“Cheers,” Y/N echoed, lifting her glass. When she lowered it, she looked at Harry. “I think this is the first time I’ve seen you without your glasses.”

“Yeah? Well, I…” he patted his chest, “have them in my pocket. I only really need them for reading.”

“Oh.”

“Of which we do a lot,” he added, wiggling his brows.

“Yeah,” Y/N chuckled through a sigh. “Well, you look nice. But you look nice with them, too.”

“Thank you.”

Y/N gestured toward the couch, and Harry followed, taking a seat next to her. As soon as he sat down, however, he got another intoxicating whiff of her aroma. He could tell she was nervous, her heart pumping fast. Closing his eyes, Harry took a moment to get his bearings.

No, not yet, he thought to himself. It’s not time yet.

“This is pretty good wine,” he heard Y/N say. Opening his eyes, he saw her gazing into her glass. “I’m not an expert, but I saw it at the liquor store and the guy there said it was good.”

“It’s delicious,” Harry agreed. “You made a good choice.”

“I have to watch myself though,” Y/N giggled, sitting back on the sofa. “I could easily get drunk on this.”

“Yeah?” Harry smirked.

“Mmm,” Y/N nodded as she took another sip. “I can already see myself going there, and I haven’t even finished one glass.”

Harry chuckled as he took his own sip, a rather larger one than hers. Then setting his empty glass on the coffee table, he scooted closer to Y/N. He could feel the heat radiating off of her, hear her pulse beating in his ears.

He watched her face as he reached for her wine glass and set it down next to his. Her beautiful, pouty lips matched the crimson shade of the wine, and his urge to taste them amplified. Lifting his hand, he ran his thumb across her bottom lip until she delicately opened her mouth, inviting his thumb to graze her tongue.

The contact nearly had him on his knees, his desire more than he could bear. Running his tongue along his teeth, he could feel his fangs emerging. He had to taste her. Now.

Now! Or get out!

The voice inside was getting louder. So much that he almost didn’t have the nerve to stop it. So he did the only thing he could do. The only thing that could possibly be done in that moment if he didn’t want to expose the truth.

No, not yet!

Snapping his hand back, Harry quickly rose from the sofa.

“I…I should go,” he said, his throat dry and harsh.

“Oh!” Y/N gasped as she looked up at him, ashamed and bewildered. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, don’t be,” Harry shook his head and grabbed his coat. “You did nothing. You’re…you’re enchanting. I just…I have to go. We’ll do this another time, yeah?”

“Okay.”

Y/N followed Harry to the door where he paused for only a moment to look back. She noticed his eyes were glassy, almost clear, bright. She took a step back, astonished.

“I’ll um…see you Monday,” Harry said, lowering his gaze. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

Before she could reply, he was gone, like a cloud of smoke in the night. With a sigh, Y/N shut the door.

What had she done wrong?

Monday afternoon was going by slowly. Y/N looked at the clock. It was barely after five. Harry hadn’t uttered a word about what had happened Friday night. In fact, he was being his old self, very cordial and professional. It was driving Y/N crazy. She snuck a look in his direction as he concentrated on his laptop.

Fuck, Y/N sighed to herself. He’s so sexy with those glasses. And the sweater vest? Kill me now!

Harry suddenly looked up from his computer, his eyes locking with hers as if he had heard her thoughts. His lips began to do that little twitch again as Y/N dropped her pen, an obtrusive clattering sound when it hit the floor.

“What?” Harry finally asked with a smirk.

“Um, nothing,” Y/N scrambled, reaching down for her pen.

God, just ask him! Y/N screamed inwardly. What are you waiting for?

Sitting up at her desk, she noticed Harry had resumed his work, typing on his keyboard. With a sigh, Y/N clicked her pen as she tried to concentrate on something else. Something other than the taste of his stupid thumb on her bottom lip and the way his eyes had gone bright as he’d looked into her soul.

Suddenly, Harry chuckled. The sound was low at first, and Y/N wondered if he was reading something humorous on his laptop. But then the sound grew, and he turned his head to look at her.

“What is it, Y/N?” he asked again.

“What do you mean?” she stared, startled.

“You’re clicking that pen like a mad woman. Something’s up.”

Sitting up straight, Y/N slapped the pen down on the desk. “Sorry. I was just…wondering if you’re okay.”

“Me? I’m not the one acting crazy,” Harry joked.

“I mean…after Friday…”

“Oh…” Harry sighed, sitting back in his chair. Then removing his glasses, he rubbed his eyes. “Yeah, about that, I-”

“It’s okay,” Y/N interrupted, clearing her throat. Though she’d asked the question, she wasn’t sure if she was prepared for an answer. At least not the answer she figured she was about to get. “That was probably a mistake. Mr. Styles.”

“Y/N, no,” he shook his head. Then rising from his chair, he walked toward her, stopping at her desk. “Don’t think that. I just…”

His words trailed off as he surprised Y/N by perching himself on the corner of her desk.

“I like you, Y/N,” he confirmed. “I wasn’t lying about that, and it wasn’t the wine. I just feel the need to…take things slow with you.”

Y/N smiled softly. “I understand.”

“I shouldn’t have run off like that though; that was unfair to you. And I apologize.”

“Apology accepted.”

“Good,” Harry beamed. “So we’re still on for tomorrow?”

“Mhm,” Y/N nodded, biting her lip. “I hope so.”

“Brilliant. I’ll meet you there, yeah?”

Before Y/N could nod again, Harry leaned forward and pinched her chin between his thumb and forefinger. Then he placed a soft kiss on her lips.

“That’s to make up for Friday,” he remarked, his mouth only a whisper away from hers.

“Oh.” Y/N could barely breathe.

“Your lips are delicious. Like that wine.”

Pressing another kiss to her mouth, Harry let out a low, deep groan. Y/N’s chest shook as she was finally able to inhale. When he backed away, she opened her eyes to see his were still closed. She watched as he swallowed hard, his jaw set.

“Harry…” she managed to squeak.

He opened his eyes slowly, and that’s when she noticed. Instead of the glowing crystal shade they had been Friday, they were a deep, dark shade of midnight. Startled once again, she hastily scooted back, her chair scraping against the floor.

“Y/N,” he croaked, slowly blinking. “Please don’t be frightened of me.”

“Your-your eyes!” she gasped. “They k-keep changing.”

“Oh,” Harry chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. They do that sometimes. When I get…excited.”

“Excited?”

“Nothing to worry about, darling,” he reassured her, rising from the desk. “I’m sort of a…freak of nature.”

Y/N could detect the humorous tone in his words. But still, she remained in her seat, a bit frazzled.

“C’mere,” he said, holding out his hand.

Y/N took it hesitantly, allowing Harry to pull her to her feet. Lifting a hand, he lightly brushed her hair from her shoulder. Then she felt him touch her neck, his large hand gliding across it.

“So lovely,” he cooed, his voice just above a whisper. “Delicate, like a China doll.”

When he pulled her closer, she could feel his breath on her cheek. Then he nibbled at her jaw, sending a wave of desire down to her core.

Holy fuck, what is happening?

She gasped when his tongue met her skin, his other hand gripping her waist. She dug her nails into the front of his sweater, not sure how or where to hold on. As he began to suck on her delicate flesh just beneath her ear, she cried out in pleasure.

“Harry…”

Almost instantaneously, Harry pushed her back against the bookshelves. The thud caused a couple of books to fall off and onto the floor, but Harry continued with his seduction. Y/N lifted her leg, wrapping it around Harry’s in order to feel the friction she now so needed. Running her hands through his hair, she heard him growl in her ear.

“Y/N…I need you.”

“Me too,” she gasped.

When she pulled him even closer, tugging on the waistband of his trousers, however, Harry froze. Then he let out a guttural cry, like a wounded animal.

“Aaauuuuggggghhhhhh!” he screamed. “No!”

Pushing himself away from the bookshelf, he stood before Y/N as she remained still, her eyes wide. Harry appeared to be shaking, as though he was willing himself not to go further.

“Harry?” Y/N whispered.

His eyes shut tight, Harry shook his head. Then gritting his teeth, he motioned toward the door. “Go.”

“What?” Y/N asked incredulously.

“Goooo!” Harry shouted.

“Harry, what’s wrong?”

Folded over at his waist, Harry looked like he was trying to catch his breath. Her fear magnified, thinking something was terribly wrong. Y/N stepped forward, reaching for him.

“No!” he cried.

“Harry, you’re scaring me…”

“Just go. Please. You’re dismissed.”

Quickly, Y/N grabbed her jacket and bag and ran for the door. Turning back, she saw Harry, his back to her as he gripped the edge of the bookshelf. She didn’t dare run back to him, though deep inside she wanted to. She was afraid, not for her own safety…but for his.

Y/N stepped out of the English building into the cool evening air. The sun was just beginning to descend. Before making her way to the parking lot, she looked up at the building, to the window she knew was occupied by Dr. Osborne’s department. She saw no sign of Harry. In fact, the lights had been turned off.

Crossing the street, she felt a cold chill down to her bones. What had just happened? Was Harry ill? Or was he really a ‘freak of nature’ like he’d said? Perhaps he was not the sweet, nerdy guy she’d pinned him to be. Maybe he had some serious demons. Though she felt concerned for him, she wasn’t sure she wanted to find out.

Harry watched her through the pub window again. She was dressed as an angel, of all things. This was too easy, too perfect.

But he might as well have had his eyes closed. He could hear her blood pumping through the glass. Her pulse was so loud, he could barely contain his excitement.

This was it. This would be the night.

“So you’re sure he’s not coming?” asked Lauren as they sat at the bar.

Y/N wasn’t going to show up herself, but she’d already put together an angel costume that she didn’t want to see go to waste.

“I mean, would you?” Y/N raised a brow.

She’d told her friend about the two episodes with Harry, and how both times he’d backed off. She didn’t go into details, though. Nothing about the eye color changing, or how he’d told her to leave. Some things were better left unsaid.

Lauren shrugged. “You never know. He might still show up.”

Josh returned from playing darts with his friends, declaring a new round of drinks was required.

“I think I might sit this one out,” remarked Y/N.

“No, girl, c’mon!” whined Lauren. “We’re here to have fun tonight. No matter what.”

“Okay, fine,” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Two kamikazes over here!” her friend called out.

When Lauren swiveled around on her stool, Y/N caught the look of awe on her face. Then with a grin, she poked Y/N in the arm. Turning around, she spotted Harry entering the pub, dressed in black from head to toe.

“Yes, Daddy!” Lauren remarked under her breath.

“Harry!” exclaimed Y/N. “You came!”

“I told you I would,” he declared, stepping forward. “And I intend to keep my promises.”

“Look at you, man,” remarked Josh. “Great vampire costume.”

Harry looked down at his coat. He knew his fangs weren’t showing. Not yet. He checked his nails to be sure. Nope, clean and short. Raising his head, he heard Josh cackle.

“I mean, it’s subtle. But the eyeliner and clear eyes are effective.”

Ah. So it was the eyes. He couldn’t help that much. They had been glowing since he’d smelled Y/N’s blood. He’d let the lad think he was wearing makeup. It was Halloween after all.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” said Y/N, her sweet voice ringing out like the angel that she was.

Harry’s lips curled up in a smile. “Me too. Brilliant costume.”

The sound of Lauren clearing her throat cut through the moment before she handed Y/N her cocktail.

“What are you having, Mr. Styles?” she teased, giving Y/N a wink.

“Harry, please,” he insisted. “A glass of merlot would be divine.”

“Divine? Oooh, listen to this scholar!”

Y/N made a face, then turned back to Harry.

“I wasn’t sure you’d show up. After yesterday.”

“Yeah, I need to talk to you about that,” he said, shoving his hands in his coat pockets. “But later, okay? In private?”

“Okay.”

After Harry received his merlot, everyone made a toast. As soon as “Thriller” began to play, Lauren cheered, pulling Josh off his stool to dance with her.

“They had a head start,” Y/N commented with a giggle.

“No, I’m late, and I apologize. But I can catch up,” Harry winked.

The evening progressed, the foursome sharing laughs and cocktails. Some other people from the university recognized Harry and came over to say hello. As the clock ticked on, however, Harry knew his time was getting limited.

“I need to talk to you now,” he told Y/N. “Walk with me?”

“Oh. Okay,” she slipped down from her stool and announced her departure to her friends.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Lauren teased before waving goodbye.

“Are you okay to walk?” Harry asked once they were outside.

“I think so,” she smirked. “You may need to carry me.”

“I could probably manage that,” Harry chuckled.

The cool night air seemed to help, however, and by the time they rounded the corner of the pub, the couple was holding hands.

“I had a great time,” declared Y/N. “I’m so glad you came.”

“Me too.”

“So what did you want to tell me?”

“First, I wanna show you something.”

Harry squeezed her hand, guiding her to the left behind the pub. Y/N chuckled to herself as she heard the beat of “Time Warp”, the volume getting lower before she and Harry came to the local park.

Harry gestured toward a bench, taking a seat next to her. Y/N wrapped her arms around herself.

“Are you cold?” asked Harry.

“A little. I didn’t bother with a coat because…you know, wings.”

“You’ll be much warmer soon,” he commented.

Y/N turned to give Harry a look but noticed his eyes were focused on the sky.

“What is it?” Y/N inquired.

“Just looking at the moon,” Harry replied. “It’s mystifying, isn’t it?”

“Yeah…I guess.”

Harry could feel his eyes changing already, his teeth sharpening in his mouth. Running his tongue across them, he swallowed hard.

“Do you ever wonder if you’re destined to be something else?” he suddenly asked.

“Um…yeah,” Y/N blinked. “All the time.”

“What would you do if you were immortal?”

Harry turned his head then, and Y/N noticed his eyes were dark, like they had been in the English office. She instantly scooted back on the bench, nearly falling off.

“Please don’t be frightened, my angel. I mean no harm to you.”

“Harry, what’s….what’s going on?” she croaked, her own eyes unable to tear away from his.

Harry reached his hand out, his nails now long with pointed ends. Y/N gasped, her mouth wide open.

“Let me show you, Y/N,” he coaxed, grabbing her hand. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, my love. It’s our destiny.”

Before Y/N could reply, Harry’s mouth covered hers in a deep kiss. He could feel her struggle to break free for just a split second before she melted into the kiss with him. Cradling the back of her head, he deepened the kiss further, his tongue wrestling with hers. He felt her moan against him, and that pleased him.

She grabbed hold of the lapels on his coat, pulling him closer. Wrapping his other arm around her waist, he held her tight as his mouth continued to devour hers. He heard her start to whimper, and he couldn’t help but chuckle low. His angel. She needed him.

Y/N gasped as Harry’s mouth moved to her neck. She felt him nibble along the delicate flesh, her senses reeling. Suddenly, he groaned in her ear, his voice deep.

“It’s time, my angel.”

Time? Time for what?

Before the words could escape her lips, she felt a sharp sting followed by the most blissful, orgasmic sensation she’d ever experienced. The blood in her veins seemed to rush so rapidly, and so loudly that she could hear it, like waves crashing in her ears. She threw her head back as Harry held onto her, his mouth never leaving her neck.

She thought she called out in ecstasy, though she was unsure if it was only in her mind. She grasped at Harry’s arms, needing to feel him, to hold him for fear of falling.

The pleasure began to heighten even more, Y/N’s nails digging into Harry’s coat until she was suddenly cloaked in darkness, as though the world had gone black. 

“Y/N…”

She heard the soft, low coo before she opened her eyes.

“Wake up, angel,” he said.

“Harry…” she whispered, her throat dry. “What…?”

Feeling her tremble, he pulled her close. “Shh, baby. Everything’s okay now. I’m right here.”

“Where are we?” she inquired, gazing around the dark room, filled with lit candles.

“My bed,” Harry grinned.

“Oh.”

And just like that, Y/N didn’t even question it. Being in Harry’s room, with him in his bed felt…natural. Almost like deja vu. Lush linens, the smell of plums and incense. Her warm, naked body next to his. It felt familiar. It was right.

Seeing that Y/N was now content, Harry smiled wide. Then sliding his hand up her side, he cupped her breast. Her eyelids fluttered as she let out a long moan.

“Ah, you’re ultra sensitive now, hmm?” Harry commented as he ran his thumb across her nipple.

“Harry…mmm…”

Rolling onto her side, she pulled him into a kiss, needing to feel him. She sucked on his tongue, grabbed his hard cock. She was hungry with lust.

“Easy, baby,” he panted. “We have all the time in the world.”

“But I need you now,” she explained with a pout.

With a raspy chuckle, Harry laid her back on the bed, hovering over her luscious body.

“I wanna taste you first,” he insisted.

Biting her lip, Y/N nodded. Yes, taste me.

His long body slithered down hers until he was facing her hips and thighs. Her scent permeated the sheets, and he found a moan rising from his throat.

My delicious angel.

Y/N let out a loud cackle when Harry lightly tickled her bare skin along her hips. Harry grinned, knowing her sensitivity was accelerated. But it was not just his touch that had her laughing. It was the mere awareness of everything. Being in the moment. The utter bliss and sexual desire was almost more than her senses could handle.

Harry could hardly contain his desire either. He needed to taste her, to feel her writhing underneath him. But he also wanted to take it slow.

He rutted his head against the inside of her legs, like a dog wanting to be petted. He felt her nails dig into his hair, grabbing his curls just before he began to nibble on her thigh. As her moans got louder, ringing in his ears and throughout the room, Harry wondered how long he could hold out - or better yet, how long she could hold out.

With wild abandon, he let himself be the freak of nature he claimed to be. He heard her squeal before her expletive.

“Holy shit, did you just bite me?”

“Maybe,” he chuckled low. “Did it hurt?”

“Actually…no. Do it again.”

With another grin, Harry ran his thumbs across her bare flesh along her inner thigh.

“I love your skin here,” he commented. “It’s so soft and supple.”

Then lowering his head again, he let his fangs graze down her leg and back up. He felt Y/N tremble beneath him, a small cry rising from her throat. Then very gently, he pressed a little harder, barely piercing the skin.

Y/N moaned in pleasure as Harry licked the area clean, tasting her sweet blood on his tongue. Then he moved his tongue to the task at hand - what he’d come for. Centering his mouth over her mound, he let out a cool breath, tickling her. She squirmed beneath him, her desire silent but apparent. She craved him just as much as he craved her. Then lifting her hips, he brought his tongue to her clit, giving it one quick flick before diving in.

If there was one thing Harry knew he was good at - other than his knowledge of English literature - it was eating pussy. And now that he was a creature of the night, he could do it for hours, for days. Of course, having a sweet angel like Y/N beneath him was all he needed now.

Y/N’s moans began to subside a bit, but Harry knew it was not because she wasn’t enjoying it. On the contrary. She was so enraptured by his talent, she could barely breathe.

Sweet little kitten. He almost felt sorry for her, but not really. He knew this was what she wanted, what she was destined for. He’d felt it the first time they’d met. Her wide-eyed stare when she thought he wasn’t looking. Her cute little shy giggles at every stupid joke he made. The intoxicating aroma of her blood rushing through her veins. And when she’d finally invited him up to her flat…

“Oh my God…” she panted, her nails digging into his head. “Oh!”

Harry hummed against her cunt, tasting her sweet juices. He knew she was close. He’d let her come this time. She needed it. Needed that release. Just this once. Next time he’d make her ride it out longer, because he knew she could.

As his lips took hold of her clit once more, sucking gently, Y/N gasped. Then crying his name, she gushed and came on his tongue, just like he’d wanted.

Her orgasm lasted longer than any she’d had before…not that she could recall even one in that moment. Her chest heaved with breaths as she tried to come down. She felt Harry’s body climb up before he laid down next to her.

“How do you feel, my angel?” Harry cooed.

With a deep, long sigh, Y/N gave a wide grin.

“Perfect. Absolutely perfect,” she replied, fluttering her eyelids open to reveal her crystal clear eyes.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! xo

taglist: @daydreaming-laur, @musicforastylesrestaurant, @lillefroe, @be-with-me-so-happily (so sorry if I forgot anyone!!)

[maxsimagination]

𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗜 - 𝗹.𝗵𝗲𝗺𝗽

summary: coming out to someone is always diffcicult, but lauren makes it easier.

• part 1 • part 2

-> i do not condone homophobia in any way, shape or form, this is just an imagine and is not reality.

𖦹 masterlist

"𝗛𝗘𝗬 𝗠𝗔, 𝗛𝗢𝗪 𝗔𝗥𝗘 you?"

it was my weekly call to family that were back in australia.

"honey, i'm good, how are you? how's england?"

i had lived in australia for most of my life before moving across the globe to england to play professional football. i was only 19 when i got picked up by manchester city, the sky blues offering me a 3-year contract that i couldn't turn down. now, four years later, i was still here, still wearing the same sky blue jersey with pride.

"england's good. we've got another game on this week, a home game this time."

my family weren't always super supportive of my choice to be a footballer, but never said anything outright. i still knew of the disapproval, but that didn't stop me from playing.

"that's good, honey. found any guys that you like?"

my ma brushed off the football talk and quickly moved to her favourite topic. she was openly christian, as well as my pa, but she always had something to say.

"no ma, no boys. i've said this."

it was a lost cause from there because my ma was unrelenting in her lecture on how a woman belonged with a man, so on and so forth. i made up an excuse of how i had to go to practice or something just to get out of the call.

i couldn't even count on my fingers the amount of times i've been told that homosexuality is a sin, that's how much she's told me.

——

practice next day was nothing new, gareth had us running the normal drills with some one-touch shooting to finish it off before a break. all the girls were in the shade with the water coolers just chatting when i sidled up. lauren crept up behind me and squirted water on my head to surprise me. i shrieked and turned around to get her back.

we were basically best friends, being attached at the hip all the time and both being starting strikers for man city.

"loz! not cool!"

she cackled at my unimpressed expression and walked back over with a promise of no more water fights. we joined back into the conversation with the others, they were all laughing hysterically at alanna's story of a date she'd gone on with a girl and it hadn't gone to plan. each of the other girls then added in their own wayward date stories.

the little group turned to me and lauren, asking our opinions and stories. lauren was quick to tell her funny moments while i was quiet, thinking.

"what about you, yn? any weird dates?"

the tallest of our group, bunny, broke me out of my thoughts with her question. i looked up, slightly caught off guard, and everyone had turned to look at me. about 5 pairs of eyes bore into me, psyching my brain out and panic rose in my mind.

"i- no. no stories. sorry i've got to go."

the anxiety got the best of me and i turned to run back inside of the changing rooms. in the back of my mind, i knew that i was being irrational and the girls would definitely have questions about my behaviour but that wasn't my priority right now.

all i could focus on was the quickening pace of my breath and the sound of my cleats when they hit the floor. i reached the lockers and sat in my cubby, eyes closed and trying to calm myself down. i was so in my head that i didn't hear the door open or anyone enter the room.

"yn are you okay?" lauren's voice startled me and my eyes popped open.

"i'm fine."

i was apparently too quick to respond to that question when lauren cocked her eyebrow at me.

"ok so maybe i'm not fine."

i mumbled out and lauren moved to sit next to me. she didn't push me to speak, just sat with me until i was comfortable to tell her what was wrong.

"im scared.

everyone was talking about their dating stories, and i thought that i wouldn't be accepted."

most of the team were open about their sexuality and who they went out with, but i was the opposite. being brought up in an environment where the christian way was the only way, i was taught that a woman must be with a man and there was no other option.

"i thought that the girls wouldn't accept me."

"yn we will support you no matter what. i will support you no matter what."

i knew from about the age of seventeen that i was anything but heterosexual. but i struggled to accept that fact in my own mind, which made it extremely hard for me to express that to others. i never talked about the topic, preferring to avoid it altogether.

but right now, lauren sitting next to me waiting for me to really tell her what was going on, i decided fuck it, tell her.

"ithinkilikegirls."

it came out rushed and the words strung together in one sentence that hid the real meaning.

"um, slower please?"

lauren had a smile on her face, but she knew how difficult a topic this was.

"i like girls."

three words that held so much meaning. lauren didn't say anything, she just pulled me into a hug. her hands rubbed up and down my back soothingly. i embraced the hug, tears slowly pricking at my eyes and i let them fall.

"i'm so proud of you."

[transparentsnakez]

yall know i’ve always loved niykee if you’ve seen me post about her music on my page and how she came on the scene in the 2015 era

She recently just came out about her story with Diddy and Kanye and her weird ass manager Lauren on live. Definitely go listen to clips of it on tik tok (that’s where i listened)

it’s just crazy how many times these powerful men in the industry abuse their power on young girls who were on the rise in the music industry.

[foreos]

The Muppets Present: The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals

based on @the-muppets-present. saw their rule list and felt inspired. might do the other hatchetfield shows later if i feel so inclined :)

i just felt like the story of “average office worker who hates musicals gets trapped in a musical” was just begging to be muppetified.

so, without further ado,

ted- guys i went through so many options for ted. it was immediately hard. eventually i decided on rizzo, because i feel like similarly to ted, he’s kind of an asshole that causes problems for himself and everyone around him. plus, the “kick my head!” scene is even funnier if ted is like. one foot tall.

bill- kermit. i think kermit can and should be a sad dad. bill is like the most earnest man in hatchetfield and the idea of kermit being deeply disappointed that his friend won’t help him reconnect with his estranged daughter because he hates musicals so much is so funny to me.

professor hidgens- gonzo. duh. camilla is alexa. gonzo is the most eccentric bitch in the cast and would 100% kill people to get his musical produced. imagine gonzo shouting “come on you bastard!” at the apocalypse. gonzo would get struck by lightning and climb out of a pile of his friends’ bodies. he just would.

charlotte- miss piggy. stay with me here. from a meta standpoint, i always find it funny when piggy plays the secondary female role in a muppet movie and gets annoyed about it in interviews. from a character standpoint, post-infection charlotte’s high energy would be great to see if it was performed by the one and only piggy. imagine miss piggy singing join us and die. imagine the beginning part. she just beats the shit out of rizzo. gonzo shoots her.

mr. davidson- fozzie. idk i just got a mental image of him putting the newspaper down like jeff blim does at the beginning of the song and then fucking. waggling his ears.

sam- this one was hard because i had to think of you tied up my heart and show me your hands. i eventually picked link hogthrob. sam’s a pig, link’s a pig, etc.

alice- janice. hear me out. it’s not just because she’s “the other girl muppet.” imagine if alice just looked at bill and went “whatever, man” and walked away. truthfully thinking more about watcher world than tgwdlm for this one.

paul- jon matteson. paul stays the same, babeyyy. i think it just adds another fucking layer to his panic because not only is everyone randomly singing around him, they’re fucking muppets. just imagine la dee dah dah day if he was surrounded by muppets. he’s just some guy in a weird situation, and just some guy he shall stay.*

emma- lauren lopez. so i am breaking the number one rule of muppetfication to keep emma the same, but there’s a method to my goddamn madness. the only person paul can relate to in hatchetfield is the one other human being. plus, again, imagine the end of inevitable with emma screaming and crying while surrounded by fucking muppets.

*so i lied. just some guy he shall not stay. when inevitable starts, you first hear paul’s voice. he’s singing, just like he does in the show. emma very quietly goes “paul?” the same way, too. but what’s different is you can’t see paul. the camera pans over.

paul is a muppet.

he’s one of the lookalike ones, like from the first two episodes of the show and the jason segel one from the 2011 muppet movie.

“paul, you’re scaring me” indeed.

[compacflt]

you're a legend for referencing lauren berlant and michael warner in relation to your top gun fic and I'd like to think that they would say the same!! the stories that you've created are beautiful explorations of some of the biggest questions posed in queer theory: who are we in public? who are we in private? where is the line that separates the two (spoiler: there is no way to actually separate the two, no binary) and what are the structural forces bearing down upon all of that bullshit! I for one would love to see your questions about privacy and respectability explored with rooster and ice and mav. especially considering the generational cliff between them, with the aids crisis in the background of rooster's childhood when they were all the closest, in your world. anyway! you are an incredible writer and it's been a privilege to read you work :)

thank you so much for this ask!! yes i have spent so much time thinking about this. In March i started working on a new-yorker-style interview that tried to address a bunch of these questions. Since I didn’t do wip wednesday yesterday (sorry) here’s some relevant sections of that wip related to your ask. I don’t think it’s spoilers since I’m not sure id ever post this anywhere—you can see for yourself how entertaining the writing is and it’s overly political and didactic. Just a lame hegelian dialectic where im interrogating my own characters (at least, my own interpretations of them) on their politics. And I’m not an expert on any of this stuff (currently on the slow uphill climb out of the valley of the dunning-kruger graph—trying to learn). Nor am I fact-checking it & that feels irresponsible to post For Real. so just take this post as a fun (for me) exploration of what i (20y.o., ignorant, no editorial oversight, smooth-brained) think Might be some political implications of my fics, trying to write from a lib-moderate pov (tough!)

talking points I wanted to address:

The politics of ice’s career, both internationally & domestically (some wild navy scandals happened under his “tenure” [fat Leonard most pressingly—would LOVE to know how actual TGM’s ice & mav felt about that bc it was SO FUCKING CRAZY, navy officers & admirals having wild sex parties paid for by a singapore defense contractor (the details are so fucking crazy i can’t even say them here—one anecdote involves 7th fleet officers using WWII/Korean war general macarthurs historical memorabilia during sex acts—go read about it) a couple PACFLT RDMLs were charged with actual crimes, 60 admirals (of the navys total 160 admirals) were under investigation & both my and TGM’s ice & cyclone would probably have been two of them, basically if you were a pacflt officer in the mid-2000s-2010s you were under investigation it was so fucking wild]) —and another geopolitical look at the implications of both top gun movies (reagan weighs in from beyond the grave)

Ice and mav who can’t win—they want their relationship to Not Be A Big Deal. leave us alone. We’re Normal. we’re not Weird or anything. —but can’t understand WHY their relationship is so sensational/political—yes, boys, it is a big deal, sorry!! mavericks probably the last Ace the world will ever see & ice is the secretary of the navy and they’re married, fuck yes that’s newsworthy!!!

my version of Ice acceding to SECNAV at the intersection of a couple crucial contextual moments for the navy/military as a whole: 1. Recruitment is currently fucked. This interview takes place in 2020/early 2021, and things were bad then, but the numbers just came out for the Navy this year, and hoooooly shit they are so bad. And blame is falling along partisan lines like always: Ds blame low recruitment numbers on lack of benefits etc, Rs literally i am not shitting you are mostly blaming low recruitment numbers on the military going Woke. The USN has long been seen as the most obnoxiously woke/gay (derogatory) service to conservatives & there’s a lot of political baggage that comes with having a SECNAV who, while not openly identifying as gay, is openly married to another man. especially with a recruiting crisis like this one. 2. Withdrawal from afghanistan obviously. kind of a shit way for ice to end his career ngl. It Did Not Go Super Well. 3. rising tensions in eastern europe pre RU-UA invasion in 2022, what that means for the MIC and procurement, etc. 4. The joint chiefs openly declaring they (& by extension the military as a whole) would not support trump’s coup attempt post-J6—the end of that extremely politically polarized presidency—what does it mean for the following Dem president to then have a gay secnav after that? It’s HUGE. SO no matter what, Ice as SECNAV is going to go down in history. He just wants it to be for his actions, not the fact that he’s gay.

Icemav’s relationship with their identities. We really really don’t want to be known for being gay. “Ask me what my proudest achievement is, I’ll tell you without a second of hesitation—my family. Without a doubt. But does any military man really want to be best-known for his marriage?” We want to be known for being the BEST at our jobs, which we are. We’ve earned that title! There’s so much more interesting stuff about us than who we got married to.

AND how that is a liberal-moderate-conservative median-50% meritocratic WET DREAM of an ideology. an interview like this one is a straight fluff piece pre-ice’s confirmation to secnav—it lets him prove to the moderate liberals that he’s left-leaning enough to protect social justice interests in the USN, AND prove to conservatives that he’s right-leaning enough to not let identity politics/“woke bs” get in the way of the navy’s mission of providing a lethal maritime fighting force. the merits of this ideology are up for debate.

maybe helping the conservative viewpoint of that ideology: The fact that the Kazansky-Mitchell-Bradshaw-seresin family is so not-stereotypically gay. Like, look at these four guys. 9-to-11 combat kills between them (11 in my universe where ice gets an extra 2, 9 canon confirmed) in a period of history/modern warfare when ANY air-to-air kill is/was massively historically significant. Extremely macho & tough. They present themselves about as traditionally and toxically masculine as you could possibly get. Theyve KILLED PEOPLE. They’re not “soft” by any stretch of the imagination. Physically & emotionally they ARE extremely conservative, and there’s something to be said about the politics of that too—molding yourself into the shape of what you think a man should look like, just to avoid persecution, and then performing masculinity BETTER than even the men who would want to persecute you…!

Related to your ask: the modern/young ppl inclination to make sexuality SO political and public. When asked how he could reckon with joining a DADT-ruled navy, rooster answers: “hope I could do something to destroy it before it could destroy me.” When asked why he DIDNT use any of his considerable power to influence the repeal of DADT, ice answers: “it was better than the blanket ban that came before it. And maybe I’ve always wanted neither to tell nor to be asked.” the conservative respectable opinion that your intimate relationships ought to be PRIVATE, doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight—just do your job, and preferably do it well. yeah, don’t ask and don’t tell. It’s not anyone’s business. ice doesn’t have a philosophical problem with DADT, because he agrees sexuality should be private & secret. —is it anyone’s business? whose business is it? How much of your personal life do you owe the public if you’re a public-facing individual like the COMPACFLT or SECNAV? all good questions!!!!

[jimmystrudel]

Part 2 of ranking 2024 WAG jackets

part 1 & part 3 (and VGK whenever that's posted)

6. Nashville Predators - Emma Barrie’s IG story (thank you @thepassionthatunitesusall for telling me where to find them)

It’s hard to tell what they are made out of but I think it’s fake leather which i don’t like

I do like that they are cream, not white, and that they are embroidered not ironed on patches or graphic t-shirt emblazing

I think these might be my favourite patches quality wise

Overall they are really classic and look comfy but aren’t very original so LA beats them

7. New York Rangers - 1. wagsofrangerstown IG, 2. natoriner23 on tiktok 

 For the first game the WAGs and kids all came in jerseys which is considered a bit of a taboo in the NHL WAG world (idk go watch Lexi’s videos on it) and since they had tons of time to plan this, it felt like a powermove and the full group photos of it are super cute (i love when the babies match)

Also Key’s mom has a jacket and if they have mom/family jackets I will scream, that is so cute

For the jacket itself, this is the only picture of it I’ve seen so idk what the front look like but the back is fine?

I like signatures a lot, they are always cute, but painted, cropped, baggy pleather isn’t interesting and they could have done so much more

8. Washington Capitals - Madison Aube Kubel’s IG

I didn't get great screenshots of this so go to her page if you want to see more

I absolutely hated these when I first saw, thought they were going to be giant pleather monstrosities but then I saw Madison Aube Kubel’s reel of her making her own since she forgot to submit her order on time and they grew on me

They seem like they are made out of a satiny/normal bomber jacket material

This is my favourite of the caps logos and I am glad they used it and the back looks good but I don’t like the giant numbers on the front, you know they are super stiff and you can’t sit down while it is buttoned up without it looking really weird

I don’t love it, I don’t hate it, I just wouldn’t design it

9. Edmonton Oilers - Lauren Kyle’s IG

As previously stated, I don’t like minimalism so they lose a few points, but these really strongly give bad bitch, cool unrealistic tv motorcycle gang

I’m 99% sure they are real leather since they are stiffer and in some close ups you could see skin texture (if it wasn’t obvious I really like real leather)

I like that it is actual stitching, instead of being painted

One personal really big pet peeve is that the c in McDavid should be lowercase

10. Florida Panthers - 1. floridapantherswags IG, found the other on tiktok a few days ago

According to God (Lexi) they have matching pants (seen partially on the right) with the number one of the back pockets, most of the women in the group photo aren’t wearing them so like do they not like their own outfits??

I really like the stitching detail on the back but not having the last name be in that giant open space on their shoulders looks really awkward so they should have put the name there (since they aren’t who they are with since they have numbers) or removed the line of white stitching and made everything else bigger

I also don’t like a baggy jacket if it’s meant to be paired with jeans where the detail is on the butt, like if they were committing to the pants they should have cropped it

I think if they wanted to keep the pants and no last name they should have made vests instead of jackets since the sleeves aren’t doing much

11. Colorado Avalanche -Sussanna Ranta’s IG story

This is the only picture of these that I have seen and they really just look like jackets, nothing special

I tiktok I think I saw something about them having caps that match with the numbers on them but hats are fucking lame

These are just aggressively mid and kind of disappointing

[the-fandom-queenxox]

So I made myself wait to watch the witchcraft smp finale till all the povs were out, which means I waited for Cleo to upload and also my college decided to allow offline/traditional classes to be back so it took me a bit longer to finally sit down and watch the povs. So here is some of my thoughts while watching the witchcraft smp finale episodes:

(Spoiler warning)

17/04

Lauren:

-Yeah Lauren you kinda did drop the whole competition just to vibe, but that's okay I still love you!

-Omg her wings look like thicc slices of bread!!And the colors of it are real pretty

-Yeah Joey!!! You were the worst best friend ever, screw you!

-Scott to the rescue!!!!

-YOOOO Joey's out first!!!!!

-CLEO NOO!!

-Hi supreme Lizzie

-Scott's the new supreme!!!

-Oh yeah they all do have her autograph in a way huh?

-Everyone reaction to finding out Cleo was an undead this whole time is really funny

-OH I KNEW THE DEMON WOULD BE BACK TOO!!!!

-Lauren just dipped lmao?!?!??

Eloise:

-The "Yep that's me, you are probably wondering how I got here." Bit to start the episode was good

-Training montage

-Damm Shellby's strong af, she really giving them a hard time

-Ohhh her artifact exploded on her because of the reset, alright that makes a bit more sense

-Oh she skipped the demon fight hmm

-Lol she became a witch content creator after the competitions?!

-Oli and Sausage got bailed out by El

-They made wcsmp's version of love or host lol

-Did she steal a award!?

-Someone get Scott I found his supreme crown

Joey:

-Oh that ice blast spell is cool(pun wasn't intended)

-Bro not the Stacy callback!!

-Cleo's time freeze ability <3

-Okay demon battle time

-Gods why was it that Joey give the "If we work together we can defeat the villian." Speech, it's not at all a thing his character would say

-Bro the demon's not even taking any damage lmao

-Scott's new to his supreme witch powers leave him alone

-Dude what home the mages won't accept you ba- oh that one right...

-I mean yeah screw those ice mages and all that but how is Joey's story gonna end now?

-You don't have any best friends le- oh yeah Tiff would be your best friend after all the demonic and botania stuff the both of you bonded over

-Where's Tiff?! Did mother earth take her back or smth?!

-No Joey she couldn't have gone through the elf portal, she has told you before that the portal works only one wa- aphgkgdj?!SURE JUST GO IN JOEY BYE WITCH!!!

18/04

Prismarina:

-Okay so at this point I'm pretty sure that there many chests in the area but not all of them have stuff in them and are there for decor

-Where did that blaze come from?!

-Lmao Cleo saying "Do we have a cool name?"

-Cleo and Scott are not giving Pris a chance to breath lol

-"I can't see it but I'll pretend I do"

-Bertha's curse got broken!!(see Bertha you didn't even have to bring back your dead sister and the demon she took down with her to break your curse you just had to wait)

-Is Bertha immortal?? Also do they not have a job outside of being the supreme witch competitions referee(???)

-Is Mertha's curse also broken now?

-Lol the demon fight crashed Pris' computer

-ARE BERTHA AND MERTHA ENGAGED NOW?!??!

-Is Pris a siren of some kind?

-Oh her dead sister is there, I'm going to assume that's her spirit coming for a visit or something

Shubble:

-Oooo we are finally meeting this "she" Shubble keeps mentioning

-My girl saw the weird dead deer skulls and said "Ew"

-*Big gasp* *choking noises* *literally dying* *it was nice knowing you*

-*In a nerd voice*Uhmm actually those look like shiny charizard wings thank you very much

-Her immediate respons to seeing Cleo was zap-teleport out of there

-Love how Tiff, Shubble and Pris are just watching Lauren and Joey "attacking" eachother

-Shubble leaving the scene when Scott shows up lol

-I love hduo, found sisters <3

-So is Tiff's first death not counted?

-"He is already dead let it go" SHELLBY?!!?!!!KAGLZHSK

-Why is it always these 2 in a fight to death

-Oh she just flew away?!!

-"Aren't you like dead though?" Shellby you need to stop!!kdhdhchbj

-Oh come on!! We are not meeting "her" aww man :(

Cupquake:

-Witch Tiff's grandma used to make nightsade berry pies. Good fact to know

-Oop the Bertha clone is back

-Oh her sneaking behind Cleo was so cool

-"Our leader!"

-"Yeah I want a piece of that. Equality!"

-The voices are back

-Oh, so she did went through the portal...huh

-This is just a random thought, but are we getting a fairies smp next? Cause I feel as though both witch!Tiff and witch!Joey 's stories are meant to continue in a way? Guess we'll have to wait and see

Cleo:

-Oh this is the longest episode, kinda nervous...

-The voices of all the Cleo's?! Excuse me?!??

-Gods, to get any of the end armor set pieces is so expensive

-Oh here is Pris making her amends, yeah I know this already I watched Pris' pov

-"I'M YOUR MAKER!" It's great to finally understand what she said at that time

-Yeah, I think "the coven" does sound cool and ominous

-Did Cleo just pledge herself to Scott? I-yo-I can't understand what their saying from everyone talking over eachother

-Damm has she not liked any part of being a time witch...

-All the skins!!

-And she's human again!

-"And they lived happily ever after." That's a poetic end to Cleo's story. Since she did introduce us to her character with "once/twice a upon a time" and had kind of a storybook structure from then on

19/04

Scott:

-He sounds so annoyed that he's only allowed to take 20 items with him lol

-I don't like how Scott said that he feels like he was going to "burst" and green particals started coming out of him...

-"Wow, you can't just say she's big!"

-"It encapsulates how weird and wonderful we are but it all still works together." Whatever you say new supreme!

-Frank and Agatha were in a 20 buck bet lol

-Agatha what other stuff is down in your secret lair??

-HES LOSING HIS POWERS TOO?!?!!

-Oh he is really going through with it!! Anything for his love ig

-HE DID IT!!!MILO IS BACK!!!!

-Oh he drowned to save Maxwell(I still don't know who that is. Their dog maybe)

-4 years?!

-Maxwell passed away a year later?!

-"Moonlight" "My little shadow" aww Milo is soo sweet, I love him already

-So he left the crown behind willingly. I mean I guess it make sense he just needed the power of the supreme witch to finally bring Milo back and since he lost all his powers he's not fit to have it anymore...

-Wait does this make Eloise the new supreme or do we need a new competition to be held pronto?!(in my opinion Shellby should be the new supreme cause she came in second place)

Bertha:

-So the supreme cursed Bertha and Mertha because she looked into the future and saw terrible things were to happen if anyone else were to become the supreme witch? Yeah that's fair ig :/

-Oh wow that was a quick forgivness lol

-Mertha did get the worst of it

-Her nap got interrupted that's so rude

-Time for the supreme games to begin!! But were skipping that probably cause I already watched it 8 times before this

-Oh quick run down of the events?! Sure...

-Oi!! That's so mean to Lauren she did her best!!

-That was an accident though!

-Oh when Joey asked to break the crown to have all of the being the supreme witch Bertha said "Me too?" Hehe

-Where is Mertha?!

-All "-ertha named" mobs lol

-I'm getting nervous, where is Mertha?!

-Why was she on top of a ice mountain?!

-Mertha's uncursed!!

-"666 hours later" sihdudynxtwhAT!?!

-WHY IS EVERYONE GOING THROUGH THAT DAMM PORTAL!??!!?

-Also why were you 2 spying on Joey and how did he not see the 2 of them, they're not hiding all that well

-They have a witch police?!

-Oh Mertha looks so sad waiting for Bertha...

-"Bertha will return" well yeah I sure hope she does!

And just like that it's over...how do I feel about it? Well...I think the smp had a strong start and a strong middle the ending though...is fine I guess...just wasn't my cup of tea, but I still liked the smp

[breakerwhiskey]

173 - ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY THREE

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey.

Transcript under the cut. For more episodes, click here.

[click, static]

Okay, I am officially concerned. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before, but the truck was’t in the drive like usual so I just assumed…

I should have checked the whole house. But I’m so used to never coming into the garage because I know how much you hate your studio being disturbed but when I woke up this morning and you still weren’t home, well, I went in anyway and the truck is still here. In the garage.

It’s running fine—that’s where I’m broadcasting from right now, though obviously I turned the engine off. And I have to say, I’m impressed that you were actually listening when I told you to bring it inside for the winter if you weren’t going to be driving it much. But if you’re not out there driving this truck on a supply run, where are you?

I—I took the other car. Which, I’m sorry to say, is now somewhere in California, having been put out to pasture. But unless you finally decided to take an interest in car mechanics after all this time, I don’t know how else you’d be getting around. I know you love your walks—or, you did, eventually, once you got past the worst of the paranoia, but…you never went on a walk this long.

If you’re—if you’re dead in a ditch somewhere, I’m going to be fucking furious, Harry.

[click, static]

It’s…weird. Being in here. It feels like being inside your head somehow. It’s a goddamn mess, which I didn’t really expect. I’m sure you’ve got your own system—though who the hell knows—but I definitely can’t make sense of it. I’m glad to see you pulled the radio in here though. Maybe you did hear some of my transmissions after all.

Is that why you’re not here? Because you heard me say I was coming and you didn’t want to see me? You’ve enjoyed your life without me so much that you couldn’t bear to have your peace shattered.

Except…you’ve been thinking about me. I know you have. And maybe this is why you never wanted me to be in your studio in the first place.

There’s…a lot of me in here. Paintings, sketches…not all of my face always but you must have known that I’d recognize the curve of my own ear, the shape of my hands.

Have—have you been doing this all along? Or just since I left? Were you always coming in here and spending hours perfecting the color of my hair when some days you wouldn’t even speak to me—

[click, static]

Is this why you asked for the stories behind all my scars? So you could render them in perfect detail, knowing exactly what made them and when? I thought you wanted to know more about me, but maybe it was just an avenue for your art, one of the few subjects that you had access to, too tired of painting birds or trees or images from your own mind.

Or did you ask because you wanted to know? You talked once, about how painting helped you understand the world, or yourself; how that was one of the things you loved about it, one of the reasons you started painting in the first place. Because when nothing else made sense, charcoal and oil and your own hands were able to bring shape to the world.

Were you trying to understand me? Or were you trying to understand what you felt about me? Or was guilt swallowing it all up that you couldn’t uncover anything else.

I just…I need you to come back and explain what this is all about. Because in a room full of canvases and color and stray sketch pages, I keep turning and seeing my own face. I’m everywhere.

[click, static]

There’s a lot of other art too, of course. And it’s all…it’s fucking beautiful. Your art has always been so beautiful.

I…I’ve added to your collection. I picked up a painting when I was in Santa Fe, something that I thought was pretty and that I thought you might—

Well, I’ve left it in here. In case you want to do anything with it. It’s yours.

There are also—well. I wrote you some postcards. But I obviously had no way of sending them to you so I just…held onto them. But you might as well have them now.

I don’t know why I’m saying all of this on the radio like I can’t say it to you face to face. You’ll be back and you’ll probably be annoyed that I left stuff in your studio without asking. There’s no need for me to leave anything for you, not when I can just hand it to you.

But I just have this feeling…

I’m going to look for you tomorrow. Drive to the usual spots, take a walk in the woods behind the house. And because I’m fucking considerate, I’m going to leave a note.

[click, static]

[endofthe1980s]

history of astrology in ellis novels

less than zero: clay is advised by his father to check out the leo horoscope. "those planetary vibes work on your body in weird ways"

the rules of attraction: lauren talks to franklin about it, which makes her hate him even more. lol

I have come to this conclusion, not by reading his writing, which is science fiction, which is “heavily influenced by astrology,” which is terrible, but by something I don’t understand. I tell him I like his stories, I tell him my sign and we discuss the importance of the stories but …

american psycho: the infamous "Does being a Libra signify anything and if so, can you prove it?" and evelyn sees an astrologer during their vacation

emails. if you like them: "I found this store on Crosby Street that had these stainless sconces with aluminum shades with signs of the Zodiac punched through in little holes and I had to have them and they were One Hundred and Seventy Nine Dollars."

glamorama:

Jamie told me, “You’re the only sign in the horoscope that’s not a living thing.” “What do you mean?” I muttered. “You’re a Libra,” she said. “You’re just a set of scales.” “But I thought I was a Capricorn,” I sighed.

(before the shards i thought this was a diss on patrick, i mean ellis has made jokes about his previous novels before)

imperial bedrooms: kinda where shit gets real.

previously you could assume clay was a leo sun, according to less than zero, but possibly the "funniest" dialogue in the whole story reveals that clay is a leo rising and pisces sun

"You should be more compassionate," she says later, int he darkness of the bedroom. "Why?" I ask. "Why should I be more compassionate?" "You're a Pisces."

makes sense because he's the character most based off of ellis and he shares the same placements

the shards: and oh baby. the big one. finally it's clear that he knows

That was the week I became reminded how astrology affected the populace, when one of Audrey Barbour's friends said Audrey's "rising sign" indicated "danger perhaps" in the ensuing days after the disappearance [...] Other people I knew from that era heavily invested in astrology included my father [...] My father was an atheist and yet enamored by the religion of astrology and it suggests something about him that I thought I'd never seen but now realize, writing this, was always visible: a childlike lostness.

some context:

astrology is often used by the wealthy. there's this quote from JP Morgan... "Millionaires don't use Astrology, billionaires do." .....but it may be misattributed! BUT! it's not wrong

horoscopes are meant to be read using your rising sign/ascendant, so the clay thing in less than zero should have been obvious, but. sigh. you know

[prodigal-explorer]

🌠 welcome to my intro! 🌠

a few people might know me from my other blog, @golden-songbird, but this is my new sanders sides/omori/your turn to die main blog! i write a lot of stories, make a lot of headcanons, and think a lot of thoughts, so if you're someone who likes analyzing sanders sides/omori/your turn to die or just sanders sides/omori/your turn to die content in general, this might be the blog for you!

also, i'm just gonna put my masterlist here! this has all of my stories, fanfics, and writing guides!

now for some more about me!

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

🌟 annie is my name!

🌟 19 - 01.30 (aquarius)

🌟 he/she/star pronouns

🌟 enfj

🌟 i speak english, but i am learning french (i consider myself to be at an intermediate level), and i want to learn tagolog!

🌟 i don't know my gender, but i identify as lesbian!

🌟 i am filipino-american, and i am mixed! i am very proud of my heritage and i talk about it a lot!

🌟 i have ehlers-danlos syndrome, pots, adhd/autism, and anxiety.

🌟 i am an ambivert who loves people but also loves my space! i am very honest and open about my boundaries. i'm not a passive-aggressive type, and i like to communicate.

🌟 i don't really consider myself a proshipper or an anti. i kinda just stay out of all that because i don't believe that censorship is okay or good, but i also don't promote harmful ideas. not to say that either of those types of people always do those things, but it's just a weird slippery slope that i honestly touch grass too much to care about.

🌟 i'm a rising sophomore in college and i am currently majoring in theatre performance, but i am transitioning to get my bfa in acting!

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

✩ likes:

writing, reading, classical literature, fanfiction, journaling, musical theatre, theatre, singing, dancing, acting, video games, sunny weather, mornings, dogs, pigs, asian history, african history, pacific history, women's history, learning new things, tea, sweet foods, candy, makeup, skincare, self-care, perfume, and most of all, my twin sister!

✩ shows i watch:

i don't watch a lot of tv, but when i do, i default to the same shows. sanders sides, anne with an e, modern family, little house on the prairie, dance moms, south park, alexa and katie, no good nick, high school musical the musical the series, curious george, and fraiser are my favorites!

✩ video games i play:

i love video games but i'm not great at them. my favorite games of all time are omori, your turn to die, animal crossing new horizons, legend of zelda: breath of the wild (i haven't played totk yet, please no spoilers!!), spiritfarer, hades, good pizza great pizza, undertale, deltarune, pokémon emerald rogue, and story of seasons: pioneers of olive town. i'm looking forward to playing all the story of seasons games in the future!

✩ my favorite plays and musicals:

my favorite plays are little women (adapted by kate hamil), dance nation, fences, the glass menagerie, equus, eurydice, a raisin in the sun, and especially the miracle worker.

my favorite musicals are hadestown, ragtime, alice by heart, matilda, gypsy, west side story, ragtime, in the heights, great comet of 1812, pippin, come from away, the color purple, amelie, the mad ones, and fun home.

✩ celebrities i enjoy:

i don't really talk about celebrities much, but when i do, it's about these guys: maddie ziegler, chloe lukasiak, nia sioux fraizer, jojo siwa (i don't really know all the drama surrounding her, i just like her message), paige hyland, sofia vergara, lea salonga, eva noblezada, lin manuel miranda (i just think he's goof), beth malone, phillipa soo, karen olivo, dolly parton, amber gray, lauren zakrin.

✩ dislikes:

bossy people, authority in general, staying up late, coffee, bitter foods, dear evan hansen, be more chill, most cartoons, roller coasters, twitter, dream smp, milk, traveling, writer's block, lifting heavy things, being teased, passive-aggressive people, patton sanders, basil, keiji shinogi.

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

here's the stuff about me pertaining to sanders sides!

★ my favorite side is roman, i actually kin him and relate to him a lot!

★ my least favorite side is patton. i don't think he's evil or anything, but i am very critical of him and i make him the antagonist in a lot of my aus.

★ my opinion on the sides from favorite to least favorite are as follows: roman, logan, remus, virgil, janus, patton.

★ i am an avid remy enjoyer and i think emile picani is cool.

★ i do a lot of canon-deviant headcanons such as race headcanons, pronoun headcanons, and disability headcanons. i am very respectful of these things and do lots of research, mainly because such headcanons are usually projections of myself and my own experiences.

★ i write a lot of sanders sides fanfiction and roleplay ideas, as well as aus. feel free to use anything you'd like for inspiration as long as you give me credit! i've had my work stolen before and it doesn't feel good.

★ my favorite ships (in no particular order) are roceit, prinxiety, logince, literally all poly combos of roman/logan/janus/virgil, intrulogical, analogical, dukeceit, remy/roman, remy/remus, remile, roman/emile, and loceit!

★ my least favorite ships are pretty much all patton ships and remrom. i'm not a remrom destroyer who will burn down your house if you ship remrom (as long as they're like- not explicitly brothers) but i'm an identical twin so the idea of them being in love is super weird to me lmao. i can't take it seriously.

★ i love talking about sanders sides please talk to me about sanders sides! especially if it looks like we have a lot in common!

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

here are my other socials!

✯ ao3: ultraluminary

✯ quotev: tinyrevolt

✯ discord: waterfalldancer

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

thanks for reading all that! i hope we become great friends!

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

1, 17 and 37 for Vetinari?

Ahhh our difficult to pin down patrician!! A classic and a favourite <3 <3

1. Canon I outright reject

Hahaha well. I mean. TP wrote a Trope, a caricature, not a character with Vetinari. He's too perfect to be believable as a real person*. So, you know.

--

*I get why. Vetinari can't have any real fuck-ups, because then TP would be writing a different series than one-offs "the baddie of the week," which is what his bread and butter was. To have Vetinari be a real man would mean there would be true mistakes and real repercussions that couldn't be resolved as easily as TP liked to wrap up his stories. And that's fair! He wasn't writing complex political fantasy. But that does mean the canon is limiting and 2D when it comes to side-characters, including Vetinari.

--

I suppose, I reject the portrayal of Vetinari at seventeen in Night Watch because lol like hell is that any seventeen year old I've ever known. And I've known (and was my myself) "firm head on your shoulders, grounded, hyper realistic about the world" sorts of kids. They're still kids. Vetinari in Night Watch was just Mini-Patrician.

And I reject that whole-heartedly. This is one of those instances where TP really shone with his bit-characters because Downey is a perfect Stroppy Posh Obnoxious Dick-swinging Prick as only a fundamentally rich, privileged seventeen year old boy can be. Vetinari is very bland in comparison. Again! Too perfect. It's boring.

So yeah, I prefer an Awkward, Weird, Posh Prick of a seventeen year old to whatever TP wrote with Vetinari. He can still inhume a patrician. Just give him pimples and make him awkward and weird. The Tiger Scene is a small recompense - and even then, it feels too....adultish? In a weird way? That just doesn't jive with me.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

Too many to list outright. Fuck. Here are a very, very few that I've compiled offhand. Honestly, this is deserving of a whole second ask.

Poems/Books

Blitzed Out, Lauren Turner (poem) - granted, I apply different aspects of this poem to almost all characters.

The Glass Essay, Anne Carson (poem)

Willful Subjects, Sarah Ahmed - a full book on the concept of will and willfulness. Particularly of the concept of "willfullness" as a charge to be laid against others in a means to remove their will/agency. Anyway, it's always struck me as a book Vetinari would have on his bookshelf.

Coyote in the Dark, Coyotes Remembered, Mary Oliver (poem)

Two Atheists Banking on an Afterlife, Lauren Turner (poem)

The Awake and Sleeping Ye, Anne-Marie Turza (poem)

The Undying, Anne Boyer - another full book. Granted Vetinari doesn't have cancer, but her writing on illness and disability are things I lean on when writing Vetinari.

Litany, Billy Collins (poem)

Songs

Feel It Still, Portugal - the Man

Bury a Friend, Billie Eilish

When We Were Young, The Killers

If I had a heart, Fever Ray

Devil's Backbone, The Civil Wars

Fair, The Amazing Devil (this is truly The Downey/Vetinari song)

They Provide the Paint, Streetlight Manifesto

Drinking Song for the Socially Anxious, The Amazing Devil (another Downey/Vetinari one lol)

Quotes

"If God exists he isn't just butter and good luck. / He's also the tick that killed my wonderful dog Luke." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "At the River Clarion"

"To love rightly is to love what is orderly and beautiful in an educated and disciplined way." - Plato's Republic

"When we cut the ripe melon, should we not give it thanks? / Aand should we not thank the knife also? / We do not live in a simple world." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "At the River Clarion"

"What I want to say is / that the past is the past, / and the present is what your life is, / and you are capable / of choosing what that will be, / darling citizen." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "Mornings at Blackwater"

"I don't know what God is. / I don't know what death is. / But I believe they have between them / some fervent and necessary arrangement." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "Sometimes"

(Honestly - every Mary Oliver poem has a small set of lines somewhere within it that will remind me of Vetinari. Or, rather, I will call them to mind when I write him. Obviously, when I am reading Mary Oliver I am too busy weeping over small and gargantuan beauties to be thinking about fanfiction.)

"Regardless, I want to spell out that, in Judaism, a person can do real, profound, comprehensive repentance work and even get right with God—experience atonement—even if their victim never forgives them. Repentance and forgiveness are separate processes.” - Danya Ruttenberg excerpt from On Repentance and Repair

"Monuments are interesting mostly in how they diminish all other aspects of the landscape. Each highly perceptible thing makes something else almost imperceptible." - Anne Boyer excerpt from Garments Against Women

"It took me so long to realize / there are people who start fires, not to tend them, / but to see how things burn, and it took me even longer / to realize some places need fire simply to survive." - Caitlin Scarano, excerpt from “During the Wildfires” (this is also a Grima quote, honestly)

37. What they really think about themselves

As noted in the first question - Vetinari is a hard one to read and write because he's two dimensional in the text but given enough that he's not a full blank slate. But it's also a lot of nonsense we're given to work with. Masks, really.

And I think that's partially it - does Vetinari know what he thinks about himself? Or is he wholly Patrician, now? When he looks in a mirror, what does he see? Ghosts of previous patricians hovering in the hinterlands? Nothing so melodramatic as that, likely, but maybe. He has his maudlin moments in the books.

Fundamtenally, though, I think Vetinari's biggest trick is that he isn't faking anything. There's no mask. There's no cover. This is just who he is as a person. Cold, ruthless, calculating, cunning - but also given to a dry sense of humour, partial to moments of sentimentality, of being maudlin or philosophical when the mood strikes - also loves his irony and sense of occasion or moment and so on.

I think he has a fairly grounded sense of self. We're never given reason to think there's misalignment between how Vetinari sees himself (practical, efficient, capable) and how he behaves as patrician (practical, efficient, capable).

I'm not sure I'm really get at this question. But that's what I have to say on it for now. More may come to me later.

----

Thank you so much!! I do love talking about this weird freak of a man. Bless him that scag.

[butoridesvirescens]

Hi!

I absolutely love your story! The end of part 1 made me feel all giddy and tearful at the same time. Laurens and Owen still have so much to go through, and I'm crawling for it.

Do you have any reference for how I should picture Owen? Where do you get your inspiration from? I hope I’m not taking too much of your time, but if you draw, have you thought about illustrating your characters?

I adore your work, hope you have a nice day

Omg an ask about my fic. Thank you so much!

I’m so glad you like the fic. Right now I’m working on revising it so it makes more sense (chapters 1-3 have been edited) and include physical descriptions of characters.

Owen took a while to come together as a character and when I wrote chapter 1 I wasn’t sure who he really was or what I wanted him to look like. I imagine him as a brunette with lighter brown eyes (I don’t want to say golden brown but you know when they catch light and have that sort of shine to them?). He’s about 6ft and is leaner and lankier than John. More of a runner or swimmer’s build. He’s the type to easily break into a smile. That being said, if you have a way you picture him I would love to hear it.

My main inspiration came from reading the Outlander books. I enjoyed all the weird practical bits that had to get worked in. I’ve always enjoyed Laurens’s story and have never liked how it ended. After getting through a really difficult period of my life and not expecting to make it out alive I kind of wanted to see how John would do with that. I also see the fandom glorifying his suicidal tendencies and it makes me a little uncomfortable so I wanted to get his character to a point where he could see and regret the harm he did to himself.

I do draw…most of it is wildlife and domestic animal illustrations but I have been trying to learn to draw people. If I had the skill I would love to illustrate this. Maybe one day?

DM me if you like. I’m always more than happy to talk about this!

[charismabee]

Went to Hamilton yesterday and want to talk about my many thoughts

Good things:

The chorus was great, both in terms of choreography and voice, the backing vocals really elevated quite a few performances. I especially liked watching the bullet going around doing her thing since I came in knowing that was a thing to look out for.

Jefferson/Lafayette and Peggy/Maria were the definitive stand out performances. Peggy had a beautiful voice and the moment I heard her in ‘Schuyler Sisters’ I was hyped to see her as Maria and she killed it 10/10. And I was really surprised at how good Lafayette's French accent and ability to do that really fast rap while still being understandable was, and he did an amazing Jefferson in the second half.

The live orchestra did an amazing job, the instrumental was very nice.

The lighting was also very good, the colour theming was a really nice touch and they did a great job.

I liked it when they spun George Washington around on a staircase on wheels. I just thought that was cool.

I actually wasn't sure about Burr in ‘Wait For It’ but he really saved it in ‘The Room Where It Happens’ and onward. Same with George Washington. I was initially unsure of him when he was rapping but God can that man sing.

The costume design was great. I especially liked King George's comically large glittery crown. It was like the size of his whole head, maybe bigger, amazing.

Bad things

The biggest problem for me was the added 'humour', long awkward pauses, funny voices, etc. I get why they did it, they wanted to put their own spin on it. It just didn't land for me and really took me out of the performance at points. For example Alexander put on a funny voice for his 'wait for its' in ‘The Room Where It Happened’ which really jarred me, especially as Burr was putting so much into his performance in that song.

Relating to that, I really didn't like Young Phillip. They added a like... squeal and boyish tap when Hamilton complimented him, and while I was willing to suspend my disbelief for the original awkward rap from an obvious adult, that was just too much for me. I never want to see that moment ever again in my life it was so bad.

Also, I don't know if they always do this but king George was sitting in the corner of the cabinet battles making funny faces like a reaction youtuber and I don't understand why.

They changed some of the words, just randomly in the lyrics. The most notable example for me was in ‘Story of Tonight (reprise)’ where instead of saying that the soldiers have been returned to their masters they said Lauren's dream died with him which just felt really weird?? Like it just felt really off. There were a few other lines that while less jarring still caught me by surprise and while I can understand adding the humour to an extent I can't understand why they did this one.

Finally, the change I understand least. For some reason they made every character we're supposed to be against (Mr. Reynolds, Charles Lee, Jefferson, King George, literally all of them) like blatantly flamboyantly queer coded. Why did they do this? They haven't done this with any character we were supposed to like. It wasn't like this in the original. I tried to ignore it but they were so obvious about it that I couldn't understand why they did this???

[mermaidsirennikita]

Weekly Book Recs: 12/15/23-12/22/23

A Secret Love by Stephanie Laurens

If you're reading a Cynster book, you're essentially looking for a man who's like "THIS [blissful happiness in a loving relationship] CANNOT HAPPEN TO ME" only to, five minutes later, trip and fall into a woman who thinks he ain't shit and going "this is it; Eros, God of Love, I welcome your sweet embrace" while she desperately tries to shake him off. That does happen here, and it's great, but with a TWIST! Our hero, who like most Cynsters is supposed to be good at an oddly specific thing (in this case: investigating financial fraud?) is approached by a mysterious super tall veiled widow lady who needs his help. Little does he know, the veiled widow lady is actually his non-widowed childhood friend who he stopped talking to after she got hot. Does he realize that this is a woman whose voice he's heard all his life, also super tall? No. No he does not. Does this lead to them having literal sex without him realizing he just popped the neighbor girl's cherry? Yes. Yes it does. Cynster men... please never change.

The Duchess in His Bed by Lorraine Heath

I don't know if this has been made clear about me, but I love love love a "put a baby in me" book. I especially love it when the babymaking is suppose to be ALL BUSINESS. This is one of those books (and certainly not the first time Lorraine has done that) and it's such fun. I found it to be a little... lighter? In a weird way? Than some of the other Sins for All Seasons books, but not without an introspective side. I really loved the way that so much of it revolved around Aiden sort of... trying to see what his potential child's life would be like. There was a sense of melancholy to both him and Selena that I loved--but it's not without that Lorraine Heath hilarity. I mean. She ties him to the bed, gets him all ramped up, hops off so that he comes all over himself, and then runs away sobbing leaving him tied to the bed. (This is... at least the third time I've read a Lorraine Heath heroine running away crying directly after an orgasm. God bless their rebound ability.)

Glitterland by Alexis Hall

I loved this. It affected me in a deeply personal way while offering the trademark Alexis wit and emotion. Can't believe this was his debut? Anyway, read my full review here.

When the Marquess Falls by Lorraine Heath

To preface... This is not a typical romance, and I think it largely works because a) it's a holiday prequel novella type thing and b) if and only if you have the context of The Hellions of Havisham (especially The Viscount and The Vixen, a great book anyway) you get what's happening here. On the surface, it's the story of childhood friends growing up to be interclass pining would-be lovers. However, there's a lot more going on here. I found it beautifully affecting, and I always love Lorraine Heath giving us a sneak peek at future heroes and heroines. Edward Alcott, AKA One Half of The Gorilla Twins... I love your work.

Say You'll Be Mine by Naina Kumar

Out 1/16/24, this is the rare fake dating romance that works for me these days (probably in part because it gives a realistic depiction of modern arranged marriage setups, rather than pearl clutching or fetishize). It's lighthearted but emotionally resonant, with a hero who has daddy issues for a change.

[earthtourist]

Am I a shadow musician? ✹ How music keeps me going.

Am I living thru the lives of my audio engineer partner, friends, and the music I listen to? Because I’m not an active musician, I’ve never taken the time to reflect on my musical journey. But sheesh, it’s been there all this time and is here to stay. And more than ever, I’ve been having a calling to make music. But before I dive into that, let’s pay tribute to everything that’s led to where I musically am so far. (As a pretext, you’ll see me mentioning different places. I have attended 11 different schools, moved 12 times and lived in 8 cities across the US.)

Although my parents aren’t the most musically aware (their taste in music is strictly The Beatles, Elvis, and Filipino serenades)- I always had an affinity towards music. I recall my parents getting me my first keyboard. Then eventually heavy-weighted piano which still sits in my living room today. The piano lessons which I honestly despised because my young wild mind couldn’t sit still. Nonetheless, I never failed at performing for my relatives at family parties. And we never failed at singing cheesy Filipino renditions of f pop songs on Magic Mike. Because my family was extremely poor and didn’t like me listening to “trashy radio music”, the only CDs I had at the time were Gorillaz - Demon Days and The Black Eyed Peas - Monkey Business. Luckily, now-that-I-think-about-it, I had the gift of being part of the golden Limewire/pirating era. Literally remember being 10 years old (2006), downloading London Bridge By Fergie. Damn did we all destroy our parents’ computers, but at least we had all of the .FLAC files to our hearts’ content.

Middle school was when I first entered a formal musical setting. In 7th grade, I learned an embarrassingly masculine instrument. A more mellow and melodic low brass instrument, the baritone/euphonium. But unfortunately resembled a tuba. I absolutely loved band. I was pretty bullied when I first moved to Florida in 6th grade. So the movement I got away from my racist enemies, I found my hobby and went all in. Immediately signed up for Jazz Band as a keyboardist and insisted on proving myself. By 8th grade, I had a sort of an identity crisis and embraced my scene/emo kid side- but never let go of the band nerd inside. I became first chair in advanced band then switched to trombone, where I got to learn how to improve on stage. My parents weren’t the most pleased and never went to my concerts. This continued throughout high school, and eventually had the same response to my art career. But that’s a story for another. Although they weren’t the most thrilled- they still did the minimal support to at least keep me happy. Admittedly, my musical taste was pretty trash! A weird mixture of metal artists (Fall Out Boy, Paramore, The Devil Wears Prada, Lamb of God), ska (I LOVED Big D and the Kids Tables), and pop (Regina Spektor, Bjork - these two artists I give total credit to Allison). Aside from getting separated from my family at a Backstreet Boys concert when I was 7 years old- I have insane early memories from Warped tour. I’m having trouble remembering the band. But it was the middle of the Florida summer, with me heat-wave disoriented standing in the middle of the pit. The singer announces something intelligible. The crowd splits and at the count of 3, 2, 1- I realized that I too, am suddenly rushing towards the center. I immediately am shoved to the ground as piles of skinny men fall onto me. With nothing but my scrawny arm left- I reach upwards. Low and behold it’s my tuba playing classmate Charles, who helps me up.

In high school, the music department of VHS became my refuge. Students at my middle school were split between the beachside and inland school. I bid farewell to Kristen, Isabella, Alyssa, Lauren, and Alec. Although entering high school was always awkward, the band room became a place where I truly became myself. Learned to be loud, talkative, creative, competitive- and thrive around other people with the same passions. I had such a powerful friend group. Michelle, Lauren, Taylor, Kara, Jacob, Joseph, Allison, etc. But also honestly, every member of the music department was so endearing, sweet and creative. I found my place and became obsessed. All of my elective courses were taken up by Chamber Winds, Jazz Band, Marching Band, and Wind Ensemble. This might not sound much to you, but all of this involves going to school in the summer, before school starts, and after.

We had the best community an insecure but creative kid would ever want. What really helped is that I had these really extremely passionate band directors, Nick Egan and Wayne Bressette. Mr. Egan would have these huge emotional fits when we wouldn’t march the right way. Or if a section blatantly didn’t practice. But at the same time, we all loved him. He was incredibly encouraging and knew how talented we were. We later discovered it was because he was having huge family problems at the time. My life was still troubled at the time. But he always pushed me to try for All-State/County. Motivated me to go to the closest and most magical thing I ever experienced to Hogwarts, band camp at FSU. He even had me audition to become section leader after he found out I was moving. Maybe it’s because he was used to be a euphonium teacher too. But wow- thank you.

All of this probably has to do with the fact that that the South takes football seriously. And sequentially, marching bands were epic. And I mean fucking epic. We were the little nerds that helped fill the stadiums and work up the crowed. We practiced for weeks during the summer Florida heat waves. Spent our Friday nights at football games in the rain. Getting high off the bus chants and sweaty fumes. We recording every show and marching rehearsal. I remember one hood-ass band performed these hip-hop trap bangers that riled up the whole field. I’ll never forget those sober and energetic nights.

After moving to Massachusetts, although I attended band for my sophomore year, I chose not to continue the following. The Southern passion unfortunately wasn’t found there. Don’t get me wrong, there were some talented musicians. But god we sucked. There was only one level. Even though I was the top trombonist, I was forced to be 2nd because the older students had seniority. No jazz band. Marching band was still a thing I guess, and we had these town parade where band moms kept an eye of who was about to pass out from the sun. I remember when a flag twirler permanently knocked my front tooth into its now-half-crooked angle. My highlight from the Acton-Boxborough band was the DC trip for the cherry blossom parade. It’s not their fault. It is honestly just because New England schools care more about education than football and band…

The biggest blessing from being at ABHS is that’s how I found my friend group. Kris Roman was a saxophonist whom I knew was in my grade but also in band. But one day in my English class I noticed Kris wearing a light blue band shirt I also had! It was some random ska band (Maybe Less than Jake, Might Might Bossstones, Street Light Manifesto, or Big D & the Kids Table) which was freaking random. Eventually, he put up a flyer that he was having a ska show, which sparked my curiosity. At some point, he had Kevin, the singer DM on Facebook and was eventually added to the friend group. Little did I know, they had dubbed me as trombone girl. They invited me to band practice one day, and then suddenly I was in Mad Frolick. I played maybe 3 shows total and fucking loved it. Eventually, band practice turned into just smoking weed and drinking. I officially no longer attended band class. We got more into listening and enjoying than performing. Except for Kris who got into Berklee! Our whole crew was really into music, but me, Kris, and Colin were really into deep cuts. For example, I honestly wasn’t super into hip hop until Colin showed me the The Beatles X Wu Tang compilation. But I remember then getting really into witch house, trap, trip-hop. That was an epic music phase that paved the way for entering my first cultural experience and city: Boston.

Boston. Oh Boston. This will honestly need to be detailed for another day. But simply put. Having never lived in a city, and entering as a rebellious music nerd was wild. And taste-wise, I learned an immense amount about punk, EDM, deep house, and alternative hip hip. Now that I think about it, this is the first time I’ve ever revisited my time in Massachusetts. I’ve been extremely avoidant of the topic due to how painful the memories are. To the point that I forgot about all the other wonderful memories in between.

Skipping thru Boston, I made it back to my home state of California. But this time, in Santa Barbara, I landed in LA. My time spent in Santa Barbara didn’t go as planned. What started as an optimistic move to begin a new life, ended with another cool set of friends which I called “the tribe”. Ultimately, fled after one year due to a lost sense of self due to partying. It was a fun and frantic blur to say the least. But an eye-opening one that pushed my limits. Who knew that such a beautiful place could hold so much chaos. Those Santa Barbarians. My musical obsession took a bit of a turn there. Where I was forced to play music for a more skater turn-up type of crowd. Learned my bit about sad boy $uicideboys, hyphy Mac Dre, some electronic, and hmmm. Yup, that’s about it! Definitely didn’t spend as much time researching music, but hey- at least it was a good time.

After nearly dying in Santa Barbara, I finally convinced my parents that I wasn’t going to major in anything they wanted. Moved further down the coast, and ended up becoming a graphic designer in in the music industry of Los Angeles. (To this day, my dad still asks if I’m interested in going back to school for coding. But I still love him~). Finally living my dream, I initially lived alone- which allowed me much more freedom for my audiophile tendencies. There was a great deal of healing involved. What seemed to really help with keeping was indulging in the world of new music. As new chapters and events in my life happened, I tended to need a new genre to ease into the transitions. My musical phases ranged from dream psych, post punk, cold wave, electro pop, hyperpop, folktronica, UK garage, all things indie, french house, philly shoegaze, world folk, etc etc. I give huge credit to Spotify's radio, similar artists, and "create similar playlist feature". I experienced the horrors of working as an assistant at a music PR firm. Not that the job was bad, it was more of the revealing truths of working in the music industry. It’s a low-paying, unappreciated, but self-fulfilling sector. Learned how hard and what it takes to become a successful musician. I’ve made incredible friendships within the Berklee alumni. Then started a business with my incredibly talented audio-engineering boyfriend. Someone who I utterly adore and, best of all, shares nearly the same exact music taste- it’s unreal. So here, in the present day, I can’t believe I had a whole narrative to write about my musical journey. It was awesome framing things thru the lens of music. I often find myself wondering what my life would’ve been like I actually pursued my love of music. But the reality is- I always have. Music, annoyingly clichely put, has been my anchor all this time. And will probably continue to be my beam of light in the now and in the future.

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