#that last tag might be shocking to some people but i feel like everyone knows by now that this is where good business comes from

[baorisa-hieroglyphica]

furaffinity recently added tag blocking/a blacklist after all this time and this plus the fact that you can just straight up remove access from underage users and/or people without an account unironically has made it one of the best sites for artists i think but nobody will ever fully move there because its the furry porno website

[lady-djarin]

on my radar

joel miller x f!reader (one shot)

warnings/tags: edited very little so sorry! dual pov, jackson era dark!joel, SMUT (oral fem receiving, p in v), stalker behavior from mr miller, age gap (50s/20s), joel is kind of a creep but reader is kinda into it, murder off screen, cannon typical violence, men harassing women (a guy is gross with reader/unwanted touching etc) NO R*PE, possessive talk and nicknames (mine, love, my girl, good girl etc), reader can be lifted by mr big man joel but otherwise no really specific details about readers body other than the usual fem. 18+ minors be gone!,

word count: 5.8k

* ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

YOU

You almost dropped it twice, your gloved fingers slipped around the smooth metal of the gun as you fumbled to pull the trigger. The clicker was quickly stumbling toward you even on its one and a half limbs. You and your patrol partner got separated when a small swarm of the dead caught you both off guard in a densely wooded area . As you were trapped in a corner of a hunting shed by the crawling thing, you felt your heart rate begin to rise and the feeling of dread set in that this might be your last moment.

You saw the blood hit your gloves before you even heard the blade hack into its head. Then the body hit the floor.

You looked up to find your patrol partner standing there with a machete clutched in his hand. He was looming over you with a look very close to anger creasing his brows and his chest heaving in exhaustion. He grabbed the gun out of your hand and grabbed your arm to pull you away from the writhing body. He hacked the large blade into the neck to fully decapitate the head then stabbed into the ear to finally kill it.

“Do you even know how to use this thing?” His voice had an edge to it, like he was mad, or scared as he held up the gun in your face.

You looked at him with tears brimming your lash line, the cold was seeming to freeze them before they tried to fall down your cheek. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“Have you ever been on patrol?” His eyes narrowed as they scanned your face, then your body.

“No.” Your mouth was so dry.

“Who sent you on patrol!? What the hell…,” he grumbled as he turned away. “I asked you a question.” He shot another nasty glare your way when you didn’t answer.

His statement kind of shocked you, not a lot of people are blunt like that.

“Uhm, I asked Tommy, I wanted to help.”

“Fucking Tommy, sticking me with a kid.”

“Hey I might be new to this but I'm not a kid,” you chased after him and that didn't help your defense.

“Jesus…,” he was grumbling again and marching away, toward where you hid the horses. The two of you set out on patrol a couple hours before, your first time outside the gates in Jackson. You had heard rumors about Joel, people said he was ‘rough around the edges but good people’. You had seen him around the community and wondered if he was someone you could get along with. He seemed like he was an outsider, kind of like you. When you learned you were partnered with him you figured it was going to be difficult, but this was a little much.

You were on your way through the state trying to get to where your dad lived in Sundance when you ran into some trouble near their camp and they took you in until you recovered. They stitched you up after they found a nasty gash on your ribs when you were discovered fighting off a pack of stalkers. After arriving at the Jackson community, you learned that Sundance was completely overrun. The sparse community there hunkered down in their homes after the outbreak but with the large swarms that came through the area, pretty much everyone fled and went their own ways. You could barely stand the thought that your dad was caught in the middle but he was strong, he could find his way out.

He had to.

So you remained in Jackson, becoming a part of the community, and everyone in the community had to help out somehow. You felt indebted to Tommy and the community for helping you and making you feel at home here after your recovery. That's why you wanted to go on patrol, you felt like you could help. Joel clearly didn't agree.

That last fucking thing he wanted to do was teach some rookie how to handle themselves on patrol. He was pissed and you could see it in the tense bunching of his shoulders as he rode on in front of you. You felt kind of bad for having Joel take care of you back there but he didn't have to be such an ass about it.

“Hey,” you rode up next to him. “Look I know I'm not who you wanted to be on patrol with but just give me a chance ok? I'm just trying to do a job here.”

He barely looked your way, he just kind of grunted before urging his horse over the final path into Jackson.

Alright then.

You didn't see those broad hunching shoulders for a couple days after, though he clearly had been talking about you. Tommy took you off patrol so Joel obviously made his concerns clear to his brother. When you did see him it was from across a room or passing in the street, but even in brief passes it felt like a tension was always present. His brows would bunch in the middle as he scanned you. It always felt like a judgment maybe, or some kind of disgust the way he would observe you. You quite honestly thought he hated you.

JOEL

You looked cute when you were mad, actually to Joel you always looked cute. Your cheeks were pink with the morning cold, your breath steamed in the air as you huffed through your nose. You were mad because he was ignoring you, and he was ignoring you because he was scared shitless when he came into that hunting hide and found you cornered by one of the dead. It scared the living shit out of him to think about how you were almost torn apart.

He doesn't remember the exact day that he started to care a little too much about you, it was a slow thing. It took over his life, watching you as you became integrated into the fabric of the town. The people of Jackson welcomed you and you welcomed them right back. People loved you and you got along with pretty much everyone. He started to notice you when he saw you and Ellie chatting about something girl related in the mess hall. He noticed how you seemed to genuinely invested in your conversation with Ellie, hanging on to her every word. Next thing he knows he's thinking about you every waking hour, and you haunt most of his dreams. It feels like you are a presence in his chest that he can't carve out and he has tried.

Joel had tried to occupy himself by relieving the tension himself, trying to dissolve the desire he had for you. It didn't work, of course, but he couldn't help himself.

He refused to actually make any kind of relationship with you, he felt like it would look inappropriate. He was a grumpy gray haired man and you were young and bright, he felt like he would be too rough for you anyway. He was a broken man, his hands were dirty with death and guilt and blood. He could see the innocence in your eyes, the way you smiled with your whole heart when talking to people, especially someone he cares for.

Maybe those were the moments he truly started to have real feelings for you, seeing the way you cared for Ellie. Everytime he would see you it made his heart skip a beat, it almost confused him at first, like his heart was waking up from a decades long nap. His chest hurt with how intensely he was starting to ache without you near, it only ever stopped when he saw you or felt you close or smelled your shampoo as you walked by. It was the same as everyone else as there was a lady in Jackson who made everyone soap but still when it lingered after you it smelled like heaven to Joel.

All that to say, Joel still felt like it was wrong to pursue you. You were and always will be the one that got away.

He needed to stay away.

YOU

It had been a couple weeks or so, maybe longer since you saw those grumpy brown eyes. You had started to miss him, as painful as it was to admit. Even though he was barely a colleague, definitely not a friend, you were missing the way… he was mean to you? No, that can’t be right. Why would you miss a man that is anything but nice around you?

Tommy had found you another job working at the local watering hole/dining hall, as the patrol thing clearly wasn’t going to work. He was walking you around the hall, introducing you to the people you would be working with when you heard a familiar voice.

“Hey Tommy, you here?”

“Yea Joel, in here.”

Shit.

“Oh hey Joel…” You wanted to keel over and die.

”H-hey.” He seemed… odd.

They chatted about something security related and you were introduced to the hall supervisor. As you talked on one end of the room, Joel and Tommy were on the other and it felt like neither of you could look away from the other. Your eyes kept finding each other, each time it felt longer and longer, like the world was falling away. It felt much different than the last time you spoke, like he might not actually hate you. It was an odd feeling, having his eyes on you, he was almost predatory.

Even as he looked over what felt like every couple seconds, he still had this pinched, angry look on his face.

But it was hard to look away. Joel was mesmerizing but you knew deep down he could never be interested the way you would want him to be. He was a grumpy older man that wanted nothing to do with the new young girl in town.

You didn’t see him for a while after that.

JOEL

Joel Miller was by no means a good man. A good man wouldn’t be watching you like this, following an unsuspecting woman around town. A good man wouldn’t watch you as you walked around the Jackson streets, minding your business, talking to your new found friends.

Ever since seeing you again at the dining hall he couldn’t rid his mind of you, as hard as he tried. He knew he would ruin you if you let him, if he even got one taste he would be addicted. Not like he wasn’t now, leering at you talking to patrons at your job. He felt dirty in a way, like he wasn’t allowed to look, not allowed to have the urge to bash in the head of any man who looks at you wrong. Like the guy you were helping now, Mike, every time you turned away to get him what he asked for, he could see his slimy gaze caressing your curves.

He felt like he was going crazy, not being able to be near you like he truly wants. He wasn’t sleeping well, barely eating enough to keep him upright and almost missed patrol on more than one occasion. His mind was playing tricks on him, he would find you in dreams, wake up to find you cooking breakfast in his kitchen or walking hand in hand down the streets of Jackson. The cruel reality that he would never have that always hit him hard in the morning when the sunlight came streaming over his bedspread.

He often found himself turning over, searching for you.

Sometimes they were nightmares, visions of you being attacked by the dead or one of Jackson’s very own.

That’s why he was here, making sure you were safe from the dangers of this world. It was his job.

He was there until you got off work, gathering your belongings and heading out the door when Mike popped around the corner. Joel was immediately on high alert, watching the man’s every move as he advanced on an unsuspecting you. He stalked after the two of you, staying just out of sight. His blood boiled when he saw Mike call after you.

She’s mine, he thought.

He stayed across the street, just in case things went sideways. In case he put his hands on what didn’t belong to him.

“Hey! Saw ya leaving work, how was your night?” Ok, nice enough but Joel knew he was clearly waiting for you to leave work.

“It was ok, just tired and ready to go home.” You were being polite but clearly trying to convey that you were going home, alone. That’s my girl.

“I’d like to talk to ya though, ya know i’ve seen ya ‘round and think you’re real cute. Come on, please? One chance?” He’s persistent, that's for sure. Walking the line there, Mike.

“That’s sweet but I’m not really looking for anyone right now, I just got here a few months ago…” You kept walking and you kept your eye contact away from him, smart girl.

“If you give me a chance I’ll show ya I’m worth it. I promise baby.” You were not his baby.

“I’m not your baby, Mike. Please, I just want to go home.” You turned towards him now with determination in your tired eyes.

Mike clearly wasn’t hearing you, or just not caring because as you tried to turn away he grabbed your arm and pinned your back against a wall.

He’s dead.

YOU

I’m dead. This stupid asshole is going to kill me. Your mind was racing as you looked for ways out. Mike’s front was almost completely pushed against yours now as he trapped you against the brick wall. You could now smell the alcohol on his breath now that he was on top of you. You tried to break free, maybe he was drunk enough where you could shake him off. You could tell that wasn’t the case when he groaned in delight.

“Mhmm, keep doing that baby. I like feeling ya move that pretty body.” You wanted to puke, his greasy beard and sour breath was assaulting your space. You froze your body in an attempt to get him off you but he leaned in, trying to capture your lips. You whipped your head to the side and squeezed your eyes shut trying to block out whatever he might do next. Only, when you expected his lips or something on you, there was nothing. His entire weight was gone and you almost slumped to the floor in relief. When you opened your eyes, there was nothing, no one in sight, not even a sound. Mike was nowhere to be seen, nor was anyone else. If you weren’t so relieved that the creep was gone, you’d be freaked out. It felt like one of those eerie horror movies you watched before the word turned into one itself.

You weren’t really sure what else to do other than go home. You walked the quiet streets towards your small house and barricaded your door that night, just to be safe.

…..

“Have you heard?! I can’t believe it!” Angela’s voice shook you out of your tired daze. No matter how you tried to occupy your mind or sleep last night you couldn’t shake what Mike did to you. “It was Mike! That’s who it was that was found behind the dinner hall.”

Mike? Did you hear her right?

“Wait, Mike, like creepy Mike?”

“Yes!” Angela never learned how to not raise her voice.

Mike was dead. He was dead behind where you worked after he assaulted you. That seemed… convenient. Did that make you a bad person?

“They are calling everyone to the town hall for an announcement.” This was the only time they have done this in the short time you’ve been here.

Everyone walked over and filled the hall wall to wall. Tommy, Maria and a few other members in charge of running Jackson stood on the stage of the building that looked to once be a school auditorium, including Joel. Your eyes caught him up there as soon as you walked in, recognizing his brown curls anywhere. Tommy walked up to the top of the stage and everyone immediately quieted down, they clearly respected him.

“Hey ya’ll… Uh, unfortunately it's not good news that calls us together today.” He was clearly nervous. “One of our own is gone, Mike Walton. Now I know in this world losing someone happens more often than we would expect but this one is different. It happened in our walls and we think, committed by one of our own.”

Murder. He was killed. Fuck.

The crowd was starting to murmur and quietly panic. You felt responsible somehow, like you being the last one to see him, you think, meant… something. You had to tell them what happened last night, if only to make sure they know now instead of finding out some other way. So they know you're not hiding anything.

You stayed after the crowd cleared, listened to Tommy assure everyone that they are safe and he is putting security measures in place. You went up to the stage and caught Maria’s attention, you felt comfortable with her and maybe she would be more understanding. She really helped you assimilate when you recovered and felt kind of like a sister in a way.

“Hey sweetie, how ya doing?”

“I need… I need to tell you something.”

She took you to a more private area and you told her what happened the night before. She listened dutifully as you recounted your story and it really made it strangely better to talk about it. It was by no means easy to forget but knowing someone was listening helped. After you finished and she gave you a reassuring hug, she brought you back to Tommy… and Joel.

“Ok hon, I will need to tell Tommy about this, I’ll only include the necessary things.” You nodded knowing you could trust both of them with the news. “Joel, would you be able to walk her home? I don’t want to take any chances here.” Maria did say to you privately that she was going to treat this as if you were in danger in some way, in case this turned out to be about you.

He only nodded in your direction, extending his arm, signaling you to lead the way. You walked the streets, the silent tall man trailing behind you. You stopped so abruptly that Joel backed up in surprise.

“I don’t need you walking behind me like a bodyguard.”

“Where should I walk?” His voice dripped with something dark.

“W-well…I don’t know, next to me like a normal person?”

All he does is silently walk up to you and nod forward urging you on. You kept walking, feeling Joel’s arm brush up against yours and the tension was building before either of you said anything. You arrived at your building in silence and he walked you up the steps, more than you were expecting from the distant man. You paused as you opened the door and realized something, if Maria is right and someone is after you, they could be in your house.

“Y’ok?” His voice was low and rough.

“Uh… actually, no. Joel, would you be able to come in… and uh, check it out? Just to make sure, I don’t know…someone’s not— not in there?”

You swore his eyes softened at your nervous request, maybe he felt bad. He followed you inside and had you wait by the door as he surveyed the rest of the house. He came back within only a few minutes and you were relieved it was quiet in the house.

“You’re all good here darlin’,” he stood by the kitchen counter almost like he was avoiding leaving.

But you didn’t want him to leave.

JOEL

He knew no one would be in your house, there was no one after you. Except him. He saw Mike put his hands and other parts on you and something flipped in his brain. He went feral and had been looking for an opportunity to take this guy out. He was a menace to the community but Tommy said there was no legitimate reason. Usually he wanted a blatant offense to take action or even exile someone. Mike was sneaky, that was the problem, he was good at hiding his deplorable behavior towards women behind being friendly with most of the male Jackson population.

Joel was so sick of it, and he likes to pretend that’s why he was there that night, not that he couldn’t keep his eyes off you. For weeks now he had been everywhere you were, coincidence of course. He needed to make sure that you were safe, that someone would be there for you. Even if he couldn’t have you, he needed to watch over you. You had completely consumed his life, every waking and sleeping hour he had his mind on you.

The worst of it he thinks was a few weeks into his obsession, he found himself across the street from your house, crouched in the bushes like a maniac. He watched your silhouette as you turned about the room, picking things up, gathering our belongings and just generally going about your home life. It was so magical to him to see you living your life unencumbered by the burden of how cruel people can be. He had to make sure no one took that from you.

He was pulled from his thoughts by your sweet voice. “Joel? You ok?”

“Y-ya sorry, what did you say?”

“I asked if you wanted a drink.”

“Oh, uh- sure sweetheart.”

He watched you go over to a cabinet and pull out a dwindling bottle of something dark that made his mouth water. You had good taste.

That's my girl.

You slid over the glass with a small amount of whiskey and you each sipped it slowly.

“Thanks for walking me home, I really appreciate it.”

“No problem darlin’, but I'm sure you’re safe. No one’s gonna hurt ya.”

“Sure doesn’t feel that way.”

YOU

“I promise you, no one will ever…ever hurt you again.” The way Joel said it, it was like he had murder in his eyes. He was so intense that you believed him, like he would protect you. You felt a thrill pass down your spine from his gruff voice. He was always a rugged man with his height, his broad shoulders and intimidating dark eyes but now, he looked downright deadly.

For a minute you worried that Joel could be responsible— no he would never. Even if he did, could you really be upset at him making this community safer? Did that make you a bad person?

He was looking at you like prey he wanted to devour. It made your pulse race, it made your core throb. The tension had been growing since the walk back and it was evident to both of you. Joel circled the kitchen counter to come right in front of you. Both your glasses forgotten, he caged you in with his hands on the counter bracketing your hips. Without a word he brought a hand up to cup your cheek, his calloused skin caressed your skin much lighter than you were expecting. The only sound in the house was your heavy breathing as he stared down at you. You couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something off about Joel. Not necessarily bad but just something sharp and scary, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care as he slowly leaned down to hover his lips over yours, asking for more.

Even if Joel was a bad man, fuck it.

You leaned up slightly to meet his lips and all self control went out the window. His hands were all over you in a second, hips pressed into yours as he slipped his tongue into your mouth. Your head spun as he licked into you and nipped at your bottom lip causing a whimper to escape your lungs. It all became very frantic as he lifted you up onto the counter and bit and kissed his way down your neck. You knew there would be evidence of it the next morning and it kind of excited you to know you’d have Joel’s marks on you. His greedy hands were groping and squeezing every inch of you and you couldn’t get enough. With your own shaky hands you tried to unbutton his shirt but Joel stopped you.

“R’ya sure baby girl?” You swore you felt slick dripping down your inner thighs. “Jus’ gotta tell me and I’ll stop, ’k?”

All you could do was nod.

“I need words.”

“Y-yes,” you practically moaned.

“Good girl.” Fuck, his voice. Your hips rolled forward on the counter, trying to gain any friction. Your clit was pulsing with need and both of you were getting impatient. “Thank god, otherwise I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.” He mumbled it almost to himself.

You gasped as he pulled off the counter and led you up the stairs in silence. Any other person would think he was angry but you knew, he was anything but. He led you to your bedroom and it briefly dawned on you that he was leading you there, he knew where your bedroom was. There was always something intense about Joel, you knew that from the start, it's one of the reasons you were drawn to him. But due to recent events you were starting to question just how depraved he might be. You hated to assume anything but you somehow knew deep down that he was the one who… saved you from Mike. That’s what it was, he saved you from being killed, or worse.

Once in your bedroom Joel turned and pushed you against the wall, attaching his lips to your neck.

He hummed deep in his throat, almost a moan. “Mhmm, darlin’ you are so sweet. Y’smell so good.” He was mumbling into your throat, half kissing, half biting. You were each pulling clothes off the other, desperate to feel skin. When Joel had you completely bare for him, you tried to cover yourself, mostly out of habit.

“You… you are perfect baby.” His eyes dark with desire as he pulled your hands up his mouth and kissed your knuckles. “Don’t cover up, I wanna see ya.” He pulled your hands away as he backed you up to the bed and gently pushed you back onto the soft quilt. You stared up at him, taking in his form, he was still in his jeans but bare from the waist up. You admired his graying hair that led below his belt, mouth watering at the bulge underneath. Before you could reach for his belt, he looped his strong arms under your knees and pulled your butt toward the end of the bed. With cracking knees he knelt in front of the bed and his face became level with your dripping core. His eyes were locked on you, his lips almost matching the way you drooled between your legs.

“Joel—,” you were unable to form words, the breath perpetually caught in your throat.

“Shhh, I know hon, I gotcha,” his voice was lower than you ever heard it, something dangerous simmering below the surface.

“Joel, wait—,” he moved up your body at your request. “I just… I’m confused,” you were shaking and out of breath but you needed to ask him. “I thought you didn’t like me… it’s just every time we would see each other you seemed to avoid me at all costs and now…”

“The only reason I was acting like that was because I liked you… too much.” His eyes hovered directly over yours, deep pools of obsidian overtaken with the desire. “I thought I was protecting you, from myself. But I… I,” he almost seemed nervous in a way, but there was still the underlying grumble of anger in his chest.

“What?”

“I see now that I have to protect you from everyone else.” He said it with such a darkness settled over his face, and it took you a minute to register what he was admitting.

He killed Mike. Holy shit.

Your whole body froze and you felt your eyes widen and breath pick up. But you also had this deep feeling in your gut, was that arousal? Were you attracted to this? That dropping feeling in your stomach told you that you were. Jesus, did that make you a bad person? Fuck it.

You grasped your fingers through his hair, pulling him down to you as you attached your lips to his.

JOEL

You were a vision, puffy lips wet from kissing, eyes blown wide as your chest heaved. “You protected me?”

Oh, fuck me.

“Of course baby girl,” he needed you to know this was all for you. He was yours and you were his. “No one will take you from me.”

He worked his way down your body, kissing and nipping his way to your center again. He spread your legs and stared into your dripping folds as he got onto his knees again. You whimpered and moaned his name and he relished the sounds, he loved hearing and seeing you react to his touch. He wanted nothing more than to hear you scream his name.

“I wanna feel ya’ cum on my tongue darlin’,” he loved the way your pussy drooled for him. Joel felt like a man starved, like he was finally seeing water after a year in the desert. He licked a broad stripe up your folds then sealing his lips around your clit and sucking. You screamed and he felt your thighs wrap around his head only spurring him on further. He pulled your legs in front of him and pushed to the mattress, opening you up further for his enjoyment. When he worked two fingers into you, he knew you were close based on your shaking and whimpering.

“I-I’m so close baby,” you sounded so cute, so desperate. “I need— please Joel.”

He wanted you to fall apart, speeding up his movements he knew it wouldn’t be long now. He curled his fingers while lapping at your clit, he felt your walls flutter and tighten around his fingers.

“Cum for me angel.”

You broke. Joel’s fingers were covered in your juices and you screamed his name as you came. He kept up his movements to prolong your pleasure, he reveled in the way your legs shook with overstimulation.

“Oh… my god,” you sighed as Joel crawled his way back up to your face, slotting himself between your legs.

YOU

He entered you slowly. You could feel every vein and edge of him and you were thankful he readied you with his fingers because Joel was not a small man. He started slow, presumably for your benefit, but soon his pace picked up and the crown of his dick was hitting a spot inside of you that made you see stars.

“Fuck— You feel so good,” he puncuate each word with with his hips, each time driving you up the bed. You grabbed onto his shoulders, trying to gain leverage but you were unable to do anything except take his brutal pace. He was past holding himself back now, you swore you felt him in places you never thought possible. You recognized somewhere in the back of your mind that letting the man who… murdered someone for you fuck you into your mattress might be a bad move. Too bad he was too good at it for you to care. You felt the coil of your orgasm tightening in your lower stomach as Joel leaned back, looming over you like a dark angel.

“I want you to touch yourself,” he pulled one of your hands towards your clit. “Cum for me baby.”

You pressed and circled your fingertips into the bundle of nerves, your pleasure just seconds from cresting. Joel must have felt it because he gripped your hips and pulled you into his lap, picking up his pace and punching into your g-spot.

“Oh fuck!— I’m gonna cum baby…plea—,” you couldn’t even get the rest of the word out as your orgasm crashed into you. You think you might have blacked out as your vision went blank for a moment and you think you heard yourself screaming. Joel kept up his pace and rode you through it all.

“Mmm that’s it, that’s my good girl…,” his voice was low and gravely in your ear when he leaned over, pushing almost all his weight on top of you while he chased his high.

“P-please Joel, cum inside m-me,” his harsh movements made it hard to talk, hard to breathe. You didn’t care though, you were desperate to feel him finish inside you.

“Inside you baby? Ngh, tha—that’s my good gi—,” he didn’t finish his sentence either as he almost collapsed on top of you. You wrapped your legs around his hips and held him there as he filled you up. He grunted and groaned in your ear as he came down, he pulled out slowly making sure you were comfortable and kissed his way down your neck and chest. “Stay here baby.” You laid there unable to move and watched his naked form as he found your bathroom with ease and came back with a warm washcloth. As he cleaned you, you recalled his words, ‘my good girl’. His.

“Joel?” He didn’t respond with words, only hummed at you to continue while he cleaned your inner thighs. “Did you mean it? I’m…,” you were hesitant to speak it, what if you were wrong? What if it was something he said in the heat of the moment. You felt the bed dip and he settled beside you, towel discarded.

“Use your words honey, what’s on your mind?” He moved a bit of hair out of your face and waited patiently for you to continue.

“I’m yours? Not just tonight.” You met his gaze with timid eyes.

“Yes, of course. Y’have been since I first saw you.” He kissed you deep, lips prying yours apart. “I protected you, remember? I wasn’t gonna let anyone hurt you, especially not him.”

He looked at you with nothing but truth in his eyes. He really did kill Mike, holy shit. He did it for you. In this world maybe you could rest easier knowing you had someone to protect you like that. Joel may be a scary man, but you had nothing to fear for yourself with him around. You slept that night more soundly than you had in ten years. wrapped in the strong arms of a man who chased your nightmares away.

[ambrosiagoldfish]

Adam x third spouse part 3 I’m begging pookie ❤️

like a time skip to when Charlie appeared and proposed the idea

Benifit of the doubt Pt.4

Adam x 3rd Spouse! Reader

Warnings: General Adam TW’s, a little bit sad for a moment but it’s ok. Gn! Reader! honestly that’s about it I think?? Wow this is the first time it’s been this short in this series.

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

Request Box: Open

Word Count: 4617~

A/n: So… it’s been almost 2 months… whoops. In all seriousness though I’m sorry it’s been so long. I’ve just not been in the mood to write and a lot of stuff has been happening (which is finally over) and I’m glad I could finally post this. I was also, if I’m honest, nervous to post this, cause I’m not sure if everyone’s ready for the direction of the story. But I have made it clear that I wanted to do a time skip to the show at somepoint and decided to do it now! If you enjoy this, please let me know cause I’m really nervous about (Not my words of affirmation love language coming out-) ALSO to the requester, I know you said part 3, but I used it for part 4. I got your request as I was making part 3 soooo my bad. Hope you don’t mind tho <3 this will be the last part before the angsty finale (and maybe an epilogue)

Reblogs are always appreciated!

Anyways this was NOT beta read unfortunately, I tried to get as many errors out during the writing process so hopefully it’s fine. Also, there’s probably some words I might have wanted to italicize or make bold that aren’t, but I’m too tired to care honestly.

Tags: @tired-of-life-86 @nervoussystemss @qopia @lovelyemily @hcneyiced @v3r41ynn @ghostdoodlen @nxptvne-13 @ximenavc-che @edgyfluff @ericityyy @diffidentphantom @faimmm @slasher-whore69 @1-randomized @ozzersauce @fanlovedlt @alientee (if I forgot someone or you want to be added just tell me !!)

Days turned to weeks, to months, to years. Until eventually an eon had passed. An entirety filled to the brim with an indescribable happiness and love, threatening to spill over at any given moment. You loved Adam and Adam loved you.

To say it was all happiness would be a lie, there were some moments of sadness and pain, but all relationships were like that, even ones that lasted for eternity. You both always bounced back, apologize and moved on with a stronger bond than before. And you loved every second of it.

A lot has changed in these last few eons. Adam formed a band and is now the most popular guitarist in all of heaven. You both made new friends, some got into heaven while others were made there. Emily was one of these people to you, she looked up to you for being older than her. You’ve existed for almost all of human existence so, of course she’d look up to you.

Adam had also made new friends, his band members, some officials in heaven, but someone he’s grown close to recently was Lute. You're really happy about his friendship with Lute. She seems like a strong and loyal friend, someone that can keep him grounded while still encouraging him to be more himself. Overall, you really liked her.

How they became friends though is something… less tasteful for you. All the way back when Heaven and Hell had their first meeting on what to do with the surplus of sinners in hell causing an uprising. Neither side came to an agreement in the end, you do feel partially to blame for that, but you still stand by what you did.

You never returned to any of the follow up meetings

But Adam did, surprisingly to you. In the end, you were called to talk with Sera and Adam. You were told of the agreement between Heaven and Hell, about the yearly “cleanse” that Adam and his “Exorcists” would have to commit. At first you were shocked, sure, you didn’t have the best experience with sinners and especially with the rulers of hell, but was death really necessary? You didn’t know what to say, and Adam clearly saw this.

“Babe, you alright?” He puts his hand on your shoulder rubbing his thumb in circles. You place your hand on his.

“Yeah it’s just a lot to take in. Are we sure it has to be done… that way?”

Sera looked down in pain “they’re… uprising and are becoming to much of a threat to heaven.”

You sighed as Adam took you in his arms. Adam was fully aware that you don’t share the same sentiment towards sinners as he does. His hatred towards the unholy souls down in hell was brought about by events that you simply cannot understand. Which he is thankful for, he never would want you to experience what he did.

“If there isn’t anything else we can do then… I guess we have no choice. But I don’t want to… kill anyone, even if they are sinners.”

Adam holds you closer “You won’t have to,” you smile at him, the now familiar flickering of his LED mask meeting your gaze before softly frown “you ok?”

You nod, “yeah, just…I wish there was another way.”

-

That was it. Adam would take his exorcists down to hell to kill as many sinners as they could each year. Adam knew you didn’t want him to talk about it , he kept it as separate as he could from your life. You did have to attend meetings regarding it, as one of the very few people to know about it, that was your duty.

You were fine with having that part of the job. You weren't sure if you could kill someone, sinner or not. So, for the countless years to follow, you played your part with every new extermination, attending meetings to deal with the repercussions of each cleanse.

Adam would also have to attend the occasional meeting. Which is exactly what today was. Sera had called you both in to talk.

“Thank you both for coming. I have to inform you that you will be attending a meeting tomorrow.”

Adam groaned “What! Again? This is like the 4th fuckin’ one this week! Ugh fine! Where is it this time? halo city? Cherub towne” Adam’s voice mocked the locations you’ve both been sent to countless times with a high pitched voice. Even you have to admit that the meetings could drag a bit.

Sera's face turned into a slight grimace as she looks away from you both, she sighs and continues “The meeting will be in… hell.”

“What!” Both your voices raise in shock

“Sera, you know I don’t want to go down there again!”

“Why can’t you just send the other fucking dipshits who know about-“ Adam crossed his arms defiantly

“Stop,” Sera raises her hand toward you both “no one wants to go there, and I know you both especially don’t.” She pauses “But you both are the only available angels who know of the cleanse that aren't busy. Please… I understand your disdain but heaven’s business comes first.”

“Who are we even gonna be talking to -Wait a damn minute- Don’t fucking tell me we have to talk to him.”

“I'm sorry…” You all sat in silence for a moment before Sera begins to speak again, “But you both won’t have to worry about physically being there, we have prepared holograms for you, so neither of you would be in any danger.”

“I'll have an Angel escort you to the ‘meeting’ room tomorrow, please, get some rest. I’m sure you both have had a long day.”

With that, you and Adam went home, you were definitely not feeling well about the meeting, but the fact you wouldn’t actually be there calms your nerves a bit. You had to be a little honest with yourself, hell wasn’t really the issue for you, it was more so the people. Lucifer for one, that made you feel uneasy.

The next morning, you and Adam got ready, you had to motivate him a little. He was clearly not excited for this meeting like you. The entire way there he held you close, even though nothing could have hurt you it made him feel better knowing how close you were.

On the way there, you also got Adam some ribs, his favorite. You thought it would help his nerves a bit. Turns out, Lute was the one Sera assigned to escort you both there. That also made you both a little calmer knowing a mutual friend would be there.

The three of you waited in the ‘meeting’ room for a while, about an hour. At first you thought the meeting might had been canceled or moved and you just weren't told. But then, Lute walked up to you both.

“Sir! The Seraphim has told me to inform you that there’s been a change in plans!”

“What? The fucks that mean?” Adam said stuffing a rib into his LED mouth

“Lucifer won’t be attending the meeting, instead… his Daughter will be here in his stead.” Lute’s mask showed a continuous frown and stern expression as she spoke.

“Daughter?” Your voice shook a little. This was news to you, as long as you’ve existed you had never heard he had a daughter while in hell. You look over to Adam to see His LED eyes were wide in shock but his mask turned into a smile as he sighed.

“Phew boy, we sure dodged a big ass bullet, huh Sweetcheeks?” He laughed as his arm pulled you closer. The whole thing caused you to join in. Suddenly your nerves felt a lot better than before.

“When should she be arriving, Lute?”

“Within the hour.”

-

Adam scarfed down another plate of ribs as you all wait for the “princess of hell” to arrive. The entire time you just had to wonder what kind of person she’d be. The daughter of Lucifer and Lilith. The more you thought about it, the more bizarre it seemed.

But suddenly your thoughts were interrupted by the sliding doors opening to the meeting room and a girl steps in, asking if anyone is there.

“She can’t see us?”

“Yeah, Sera gave me a long ass lector on how this stuff works before we got here. Let’s see here…” Adam pushes a button causing a click to sound out as he says “Sup!”

The girl jumps back and falls to the floor, shocked by Adam’s sudden appearance in the room. She introduces herself as Charlie. Adam offers her to shake his hand, only for it to go through.

“Ha! I fuckin’ got you! Did you fucking see that? Good shit.”

You let out a slight laugh, as you sit and watch the meeting happen. Well, you say “meeting” but nothing about it seemed very professional. Adam for the last hour (you honestly wasn’t sure at this point) had been talking about the most random of things.

You or Lute occasionally shakening your head yes or no while listening to him, while Charlie seemed quite tired already. Not that you could blame her, people who weren’t used to Adam’s banter definitely weren’t cut out for it. But You love every word that comes out of his mouth.

Eventually Adam decides that it’s time to get into what you all came here for. Pulling out a bunch of papers, Charlie begins explaining her solution to hell’s overpopulation. You were only really half listening at first, at least before she mentioned that her solution could stop the extermination which peaked your interest.

She explains her “Hazbin Hotel” and its purpose to rehabilitate sinners, you wanted to hear more of it but Adam cut her off.

The meeting didn’t really go that well, At least for Charlie. But the whole thing left quite the impression on you. The idea of ending the extermination was stuck in your head for so long, and now you had someone who had an alternative.

“Adam, are you sure that it couldn’t have worked?”

Adam looks at you in surprise “What? Do you think that shitshow could have actually worked?” He laughed as he placed a hand on your back. “Don’t even pay it any mind, alright Babe?”

“I know, it’s just… you know I don't like the extermination. So another way to lessen the population of hell should at least be looked into.” Your voice was soft enough to barely hear.

Adam’s gaze softened but he didn’t say another word, only wrapping his wing around you pulling you closer. You lean towards him, snuggling into his soft robe. No matter how much you wanted to ignore it, you couldn’t. You needed to do something, anything.

So that night, after Adam fell asleep, you asked to talk with Sera. Leaving a note for Adam saying you went to buy something just in case he woke up.

“What is troubling you?” Sera’s voice was clear and concise.

You looked toward the ground, your nerves feeling tighter than ever, as you struggled with how to put your words together. “You're aware of all that happened in the meeting with Lucifer’s Daughter, right?”

Sera nods her head “of course, all meetings are documented about as they happen.” She tilts her head slightly “What about it?”

“Well!” You steel yourself before continuing “I would like permission to observe Charlie Morningstar’s ‘Hazbin Hotel’”

Sera’s eyes widen, breaking her calm demeanor before giving a firm “No”

“But-“

“It’s too dangerous for you to be there, Adam wouldn’t want that anyways”

“He would listen if it was an order from you!” Your eyes felt watery but you continued “Please Sera… I know you don’t want the extermination to continue. Just let me do this!”

Sera looked away from you, her feelings evident on her face, any mask now down. ‘Just a little more’ you thought

“Sera, I promise you, I’ll be careful! We don’t even have to fully support them yet, just let me observe them. It would be devastating if so many souls parish if we failed to seek all options!” You beg

Sera sighed, shakingly “…I’ll see what I can do.”

Your eyes gleamed up at the tall woman “Sera, thank you, thank you!” You wanted to hug her but out of courtesy, you advised against it.

Sera tells you that she can’t guarantee anything but she will try as she sends you home to rest.

-

A few days past after that and you haven’t heard anything from Sera. It was a little worrying and felt like a bad sign to you. That was, until you were informed by Sera that your request was accepted!

“But.” Sera stops you before you can celebrate “You're only there to keep track of the progress and to make sure nothing is happening under our noses” You nod your head in understanding

“Also…” she pauses “If anything involving this hotel happens, you will have to take full responsibility, understood?”

You nod again “yes I understand. Have you… told Adam yet?”

She shakes her head

“Ok… can you… not tell him it was my idea, please. I don’t think he’d agree if he knew.”

Sera sighs before nodding her head “Very well, I’ll tell him after you leave”

“Thank you.”

-

You return home, when you got back Adam was already gone, Sera must have already called him to the office. You dreaded when he got back. You didn’t want to see him upset, it hurt you to know how worried he was for you.

A few hours later, Adam comes through the door in a panic. He stomps up to you and pulls you into a warm and intense embrace.

“Don’t go down there. I need you here with me” his voice hitches as his wings wrap around you both, curling you both into a warm and feathery ball.

“Adam…” you paused, was this really the best thing to do? No, It had to be. If this goes well, not only will the extermination stop but Adam wouldn’t have to go down to hell ever again.

“Adam, you know I can’t go against Sera’s orders.” You kiss his cheek “and I won’t be gone forever, I’m only supposed to be there till the next cleanse. Not to mention, I’ll always come back to see you.”

Adam grumbled a little “I know, I just… don’t like you being in the same place that bastard is, and in his brat’s stupid hotel! ”

You laugh softly “Adam…” grabbing his hand, you put yours in it, showing off the gold ring on your finger “I’ll never forget my promise. You know that, right?”

Adam looks at the ring, the gold wrapped around your finger with a perfectly snug fit. Everytime he looked at it was just a reminder of your love for him. That promise was something he could never forget. He slowly raises your hand to his LED mask, kissing the back of it. “Of course not.”

“Good. I promise I’ll be fine, ok?”

He nods. Hand in hand, you slowly lead you both to the bed. The both of you lay next to each other, your bodies linked together like knots. You slwoly remove his helmet from his head, laying it on the nightstand.

Your hands move up his body before landing on his face, cupping his cheeks before pulling him to a kiss before snuggling into his chest.

-

Finally it was Time for you to leave. Sera allowed you to create portals back to heaven in case anything happened and you were in need of assistance. Adam walked you to the front gate.

“Ok, do you have everything? You didn’t forget that fucking angelic dagger I had Lute get for you right-“

You shush him “Adam, I told you I’ll be fine!”

He’s sighs “Damn it- I know that but just make sure to text me while your there ok-

You kiss him deeply “Adam. I know, you’ve told me a hundred times.” You smile as you cup his face “I love you”

He sighs “Love you too Sweetcheeks”

With one final kiss, you give Adam a tight hug before waving goodbye as you went through the flaming portal. As you went through, you take a second to look at your surroundings. In front of you was a tall building. You take a few steps back to see LED lights of a sign flashing the words ‘Hazbin Hotel’

You let out a sigh of relief. You had been a tad bit worried you’d spawn somewhere random and you’d have to find the building yourself. But it seems heaven at least spared you of that.

The red skies of hell were quite different from the pristine blue ones of heaven. Even though you just got here, you could already hear the sounds of screams and explosions in the distance. How welcoming.

You steel yourself and with three hard knocks to the door, you wait for someone to open it. Muffled Scurrying sounds of footsteps approach the door before it creaks open revealing the young blond woman in the doorframe, Charlie Morningstar.

“Hi! I’m-“

The door is slammed shut, Before opening again

“Be not afraid-“

It shuts again…

Well, this may be a bit harder than you initially anticipated. You go to knock again only for it to open once more. This time, the door doesn’t close again, instead the girl mutters a quick “Hi” before going quiet.

“Hello! I didn’t mean to scare you!” You give a small laugh before continuing “I believe we met a couple days ago?” You bring your hand towards her for a shake, to which she reciprocates.

“During the meeting with.. Adam? Right?” She grimaced when she mentioned Adam, which you decided to ignore, you simply smiled and nodded. ”but I don’t believe I caught your name?”

You tell her about yourself, about how your there to stay and monitor any progress the hotel may have. You made sure to pronounce ‘may.’ While you were hoping for this idea to show some kind of positive results, even you weren’t sure if it’d would work.

“Charlie? who’s at the door- WhatHolyShit-“ a woman with a red X over her eye suddenly shouts in surprise. You look over at her, She looked very familiar…

“Wait, you are-“

“Vaggie! Charlie’s sinner girlfriend! And you are?!” The woman known as Vaggie, highlighted the word sinner while performing a “be quiet” gesture with her hand. Your eyes widen a little at the ex-Angel in front of you but you simply smile a nod “I’m Y/n, I don’t believe we’ve met, yes?”

Look, lying is the last thing you’d want to do as a citizen of heaven but you figured that it would be fine if it was to protect someone. Vaggie nodded, her face scrunched up in a tense look.

“You feeling ok Vaggie? You’re looking a little… red?”

“I’m fine! *ahem*, Hun, how about you give them a tour of the hotel.”

Charlie gasped “Yes that's perfect, you may as well get acquainted with everyone if you’re going to be here more often!”

Charlie ran off, telling you “this way! This way!” Over and over. Before you went to follow her, you leaned toward Vaggie and said a quick “Relax, I won’t tell anyone.”

She lets out a sigh before muttering “Thank you”

You both follow Charlie as she shows you the various rooms in the hotel before leading you back to the hotel’s lobby and lounge area.

“Hey! Hello everyone!” Charlie’s voice picked up a little “I’d like to introduce you to our uh… new staff member?” You nod in agreement with the title. The room in front of you was shrouded in looks of both horror and amazement.

“What the hell’s an angel doin’ here?” A lanky spider demon spoke up first

“It’sss an ambush! seek Cover!!” The Snake demon shouted, seemingly grabbing an army helmet from thin air before taking a deep dive behind the couch.

“No Pentious-” She sighs “they’re here to monitor the hotel! Heaven sent them to scout any potential progress the hotel will have”

“It’s nice to meet you all” you look at the people in front of you, to say it was a colorful cast would be an understatement.

“These two are our current tenants of the hotel! Angel dust and Sir Pentious!”

The snake slithered slowly from behind the couch up to you, while the Spider demon remained rested on the couch

“Oh… *ahem* Excuse me dear! I am Sir. Pentious! Formally known as ‘the Architect of destruction’!” He laughs, a slight hiss sounding in his voice.

He offers a handshake which you accept. To which you immediately regret. ‘ Slimey’ you thought, before wiping your, now wet hand on your clothes.

The spider demon, who you now know as Angel Dust, just gives a wave with one of his 4 arms.

“And-“ Charlie extends the word as she quickly walk to a bar by the entrance “this is the recreational area, run by our Bartender, Husk!”

The winged bartender seemed entirely uninterested in your presence or even Charlie’s. The most you got was a small glance before he takes a swig of his alcohol and walks off.

“He’s not the most… social guy in hell” she awkwardly laughs before moving on to the next person. “And this is Nifty, our one and only maid at the hotel! Nifty say hi.”

The short woman scurried moved around you, her eye quickly looking at every every nook and cranny of you as she moved. She made numerous attempts to touch and grab various things on you, your clothes, wings, and eventually she tried to climb up you to get to your halo. That’s when you finally grabbed her in place “you're a… fast one, huh? Nice to meet you!”

“And last but not least! This is Alastor, the hotel’s executive producer and our first -and only- overlord sponsor!”

Immediately, you could tell there was something off about Alastor. The entire aura he gave off was as if he was restraining something completely and utterly ungodly. The static that surrounded him was just one of many whispers you could hear from his soul.

“Hello! It’s quite a pleasure to meet someone of your… holy status!” He offers a hand to which you, hesitantly, shake. “And what do we owe the pleasure for your service?”

“They’re going to be here to keep track of the progress of the hotel…” Charlie paused “you know I’m starting to sound like a broken record- here, it’s late, how about we all get some sleep and we can talk about it in the morning!”

“Fine by me, I am waaay too sober to be having social interaction this late” Angel picks himself up and stretches “I’m gonna hit the hay”

“Here I’ll show you to your room!” Charlie smiles “We -obviously- didn’t have time to make your own so I hope you don’t mind using one of the guest rooms” she laughs

She and Vaggie walks you to your new room before leaving you be, The room was nothing more than just your average hotel room. Of course it did have its differences, a multitude of… eyes seem to be on the wall, staring at you. Well, that’s not the least alarming.

You place your stuff down and begin unpacking, you mostly just brought the basics. Clothes, hygiene stuff, your phone, and, most importantly, a framed photo of Adam.

You sat the photo on your nightstand, angling it just right so that it would always be visible to you. As you do so, you think about the memory the photo brings, you took it on one of the first dates you went on with Adam. It was a relatively tame date, you and Adam, having a picnic by a lake at night. You brought candles so you both weren’t completely in the dark, and you just loved the way he looked, his golden eyes watching the water. The dim candle light illuminating his face with a warm golden shade. Adam hates photos of him with his mask off but… You just had to keep that moment in time forever.

*Ding* *Ding* *Ding*

Speak of the- well, you know the rest. The bright light from the phone comes with the notification sound displaying Adam in bold letters. You smile as you read his messages.

Dixkmaster69

Heyy Sweetcheeks, it’s been a bit since you left

You there??

Fucking answer

You let out a small laugh at Adam’s barrage of messages. He’s not used to you being away from him for more than a day, huh? Not that you could blame him, this is honestly nothing compared to how you feel each year he has to do the extermination.

Sweetcheeks

Hey love

Everything’s fine, I’m ok.

Aside from not having you with me :’(

Dixkmaster69

Fucking finally

You know you don’t have to do this

If I bitch enough to Sera I can get you back by tomorrow

Sweetcheeks

Please don’t, Sera already has enough on her plate.

I promise I’m going to be fine

I’ll be back before you know it.

Dixkmaster69

I know

This shit just worries me

Gonna miss hearing your sexy ass voice at night too ;)

You blush at the message before sighing. Whenever you or Adam approached a topic that made him uncomfortable, he would always try to change the subject to something that made him feel better. You knew why, Adam’s someone who rarely talked about his feelings, even after all these eons together that was something he hadn’t changed. You knew exactly what he needed, even if he didn’t explicitly tell you.

Sweetcheeks

I already miss yours too <3

Do you want to help me fall asleep with that heavenly voice of yours on the phone?

Dixkmaster69

Whatever you want Sweetcheeks <3

You smile when, almost immediately, Adam begins calling your phone. You click the lights off before You make your way in your new bed, not even bothering to change out of the clothes you’ve been wearing. You grab the cover and pull it over you and tapping the answer button.

“Sup”

You yawn “Hey handsome, I missed your voice”

You hear his voice hitch before he caused on “Of course you did, no one has a better voice than the dick master. But uh, yours is a close second”

You’re let out a tired giggle, “such a charmer, you. How’s your day been huh?”

“Oh! don’t even get me started on that- Lute took me to get some ribs to ‘calm my nerves’ or some shit and they had me, ME, wait in line for like 15 minutes! The fucking audacity!”

You smile to yourself as Adam tells you about his day, the sound of his voice was like a sweet lullaby to your ears and you couldn’t get enough of it. But eventually…

“And then when I got home, I couldn’t find my damn charger and it took me like 40 fuckin’ minutes to realize it was under our bed, do you have any idea of how it keeps getting there?” He waits for you to respond only to be met with silence. “Uh bitch, I’m talking to you.”

More silence… well no, actually if Adam focused on listening, he could hear the faint sound of your snoring from the phone. Adam sighs,”Long day, huh?”

Adam lays back in your shared bed, getting comfortable. He sets the phone beside him, plugging it in while keeping it on speaker. He yawns, “Goodnight Sweetheart, can’t wait to see you again”

Slowly, the soft sounds of both yours and Adam’s snores filled each others rooms, a distant, but intimate connection. Even in slumber, you couldn’t stop thinking of your handsome and caring soulmate.

[astonmartinii]

no more ace to play [mamma mia part two] | formula one social media au

drivers: sebastian vettel, fernando alonso and jenson button

the investigation was fruitful but now y/n has a handful of drivers and a bucket load of criticism

general note: i answered an ask about this but i thought i'd reiterate here, this is a no wives or kids au, so seb and jenson's wives and kids do not exist in this !! thank you so much for all the lovely feedback on the last part, hopefully i remembered to tag everyone who asked x

part one | masterlist | ko-fi

yourusername

liked by sebastianvettel, jensonbutton and 1.405,605 others

tagged: fernandoalo_oficial, sebastianvettel, jensonbutton

yourusername: so i guess it's kinda real now and they're all lovely x

view all comments

user4: i know the bitter old people are going to find this now but i for one think it's fucking ICONIC

user5: the guys are way too chill for the situation

user6: they've not said anything, so how would you know?

user5: idk reeks of babytrapping

user7: be for real y/n doesn't need to baby trap anyone she has her own career?

yourbff: debrief needed STAT

yourusername: literally on my way to yours right now get the non-alcoholic wine READY

landonorris: do i like get a prize for my hand in this?

yourusername: here's a gold star ⭐️

landonorris: i was hoping for some monetary rewards

yourusername: ur literally a millionaire ?

landonorris: and?

user8: are any of them gonna like comment or?

user9: very odd considering they wouldn't shut THE FUCK UP on their own posts

user10: for real they were very proud of their 'accomplishments' but now it's the consequences of their actions and theyre silent ?

user11: have yall considered the fact that finding out you might be a dad is a bit of a shock, let them all process it?

jensonbutton

liked by lewishamilton, sebastianvettel and 302,889 others

jensonbutton: back to see the old rides

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user12: SPILL JENSON PLEASE

user13: so like what team is this kid going to support they've got so much to choose from?

user14: if they have any taste, ferrari 💅

user15: i mean their momma clearly has taste so ....

oscarpiastri: nice to meet you jenson!

jensonbutton: by how much mark talks about you i could've sworn i'd already met you

aussiegrit: bold of you to send shots my way considering your current predicament

user16: mark saying this like they aren't lucky to be with y/n ?

user17: bro we all saw that you met up with y/n and the baby daddy squad... wanna maybe share some thoughts?

user18: why would he want to publicise that he got with a slag?

user17: i know you're not calling y/n a slag when we're talking about f1 playboy JENSON BUTTON ?

user19: i have complete faith that this mamma mia summer WILL have a good ending but i NEED these men to maybe actually talk about it so people aren't just out here coming for y/n ?

yourusername

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, jensonbutton and 1,209,677 others

yourusername: got myself a sweet treat and did some meditation (i.e. listening to asmr roleplay) because life is crazy and morning sickness is a bitch

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user24: not to be sappy but i am emotional watching y/n go through this, she's been on the internet for so long i feel like i've watched her grow up, idk anything about f1 but i hope they're good for her

yourbff: gosh who knew you getting pregnant would lead to us having to go to the bakery every single morning

yourusername: but but but they have such good croissants and SHUSH I BUY YOU YOURS EVERYDAY

yourbff: i know you're like my sugar mama, please still buy me pastries when you have your actual child

user25: i think we're all being a wee bit dramatic about the whole "they haven't said anything" business. yes, they probably should say they're fine with it so people stop accusing y/n of baby trapping them but ALSO we don't know what they do everyday, maybe we should just let the adults go about their business

charles_leclerc: i am basically seb's kid so i shall be a character witness: that man is an ANGEL and believe me that took a lot for me to say in public lol

yourusername: why thank you charles, i have heard a lot about you. in fact on his "provisional dad cv", sebastian directly named you, some guys called max verstappen, mick schumacher and lance stroll as fatherly experience

maxverstappen1: LOL I KNEW SEB LOVED ME BUT WTF IS A DAD CV

sebastianvettel: this is a serious matter and i wanted to show that i'm serious about fatherhood

mickschumacher: soz max, charles and lance i think WE all know who his favourite is

lancestroll: i'm just happy to be recognised tbf

yourusername: well i kinda hope this real child will be his favourite...

charles_leclerc: boring 🥱

alexalbon: well i'm gonna nominate myself as jenson's grid kid and woah that guy is great 👍

jensonbutton: sounds kinda sarcastic but thanks for the effort alex

carlossainz55: seeing as we're all here i'll say that nando is the best grid dad sorry not sorry

yourusername: you're all here but idk who you people are ?

fernandoalo_oficial: chilli have i ever told you how proud i am of you?

stoffelvandoorne: do i mean nothing to you old man

user26: wtf is going on here

fernandoalo_oficial

liked by yourusername, sebastianvettel and 1,403,677 others

fernandoalo_oficial: what a race! thankful to finally be back on the podium this weekend and i'd like to dedicate this race to the soon-to-be new addition and my new family, here's to our future ❤️

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user27: HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO CUTE

user28: i'm sorry the THUMB IN THE MOUTH CELEBRATION ARE YOU KIDDING?

jensonbutton: proud of you, come home quick x

user29: i'm sooooo chill about this

fernandoalo_oficial: i'll make sure to tell the team that THE jenson button wants the meeting to go faster

sebastianvettel: do i mean nothing? that's literally my old team name drop ME

yourusername: just tell them i've gone into labour

fernandoalo_oficial: you've not even been pregnant two months yet...

yourusername: they don't know that

astonmartinf1: this is a public instagram comment section...

maxverstappen1: maybe when the little one is actually here i'll let you win for once

fernandoalo_oficial: how kind of you?

maxverstappen1: i need the little one to know that at least one of you is cool and that i should be their favourite god father

lewishamilton: now that is a bold assumption

danielricciardo: i have been quiet on this topic but if anyone is prime god father material YOU'RE LOOKING AT HIM

yourusername: you'll all receive an email and a god father application in the coming weeks

charles_leclerc: is this another seb idea?

yourusername: maybe... but idk yall so i think it's a good idea

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, mickschumacher and 1,509,874 others

tagged: jensonbutton, fernandoalo_oficial, sebastianvettel

yourusername: welcome to the crazy house

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user33: so we've confirmed the poly? yes or no?

user34: i'm gonna say yes but with them you literally never know

georgerussell63: so we all sent them a jellycat?

alexalbon: speak for yourself george that sick ass rocking bunny is all albon

user35: not to be weird but this kids is literally going to have the hottest parents of all time

user36: no cause if i'm a teacher and all of them walk in for parent's evening i'm passing out

jensonbutton: oh wow what a lovely crib i wonder who put that together

fernandoalo_oficial: don't you dare take all the credit

sebastianvettel: as if anyone other than the WOOD WORK KING put that together

yourusername: guys they are lying the delivery guy put it together and they all stood around watching like dads at the airport

jensonbutton: "like dads" so still getting the experience in

danielricciardo: so who is responsible for this grandpa ass nursery aesthetic?

yourusername: well this is awkward i thought it was cute

fernandoalo_oficial: it is don't worry honey, it matches seb's overall grandpa aesthetic

sebastianvettel: you guys agreed to move to mine don't switch up on my aesthetic now

jensonbutton: oh seb we all love your certain affinity for tartan and plaid

sebastianvettel: i'm not feeling this love right now :(

yourusername: cuddle pile incoming

note: ahhh okay this was very highly requested so i hope it met expectations. i'm thinking this could defo be a longer series (i am also working on into the arms of another dw) following the whole family if yall would like that? i'm gonna try and tag everyone who requested that, i am sorry if i missed anyone x

taglist: @boiohboii @vellicora @faithm120601 @raizelchrysanderoctavius @luv4kani @minkyungseokie @eugene-emt-roe @magical-spit @ironmaiden1313 @jaydaaasworld @whoreks @rainerax @nonsensical-nonsence @laneyspaulding19 @chelseyyouraverageluigi @lxclerc @gemofthenight @woweewoowa

[mountttmase]

Change Of Heart

The Beginning - Part Two

Note - thank you so much for all the feedback last week I was honestly in shock 😂 but I’m really happy you guys like it and I hope this chapter clears things up a little bit. Once again let me know what you think and thank you guys so so much I adore you 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount x Reader

Word count - 6.9k

Warnings - series contains angst & fluff

‘So who’s coming to dad’s birthday thing? Like will there be a lot of people?’ You asked. Half because you actually wanted to know how busy it would be and the other to know if he would be there.

‘A fair few. Auntie Jean and uncle Tim are coming plus the kids and Grandma said if Steve can give her a lift she’d come. A few of the neighbours will be here too and some people from dads work’ she reeled off but you didn’t care about if these people would be here and you couldn’t deny the omission of his name calmed you. ‘Tony and Debs are coming too. I think Lewis might tag along but it’s too late for the little one and I think that’s it really’

‘Okay, not too bad then’ you nodded, not minding at all that they would be there as you knew they were still close with your family and you still kept in semi-regular contact with Lewis when you could. ‘I’ll go finish getting ready’

’Make sure you're quick, everyone will be here soon’ she called as you ran up the stairs and you called down to let her know you would, even though you were nowhere near ready.

It was only a family party but you still wanted to look nice. Cracking out one of your more family friendly dresses that still showed off your figure and finishing your makeup before moving onto jewellery. You didn't have much, just a pair of hoops and a few rings before popping on your favourite necklace.

You knew you probably shouldn’t, but you’d worn the necklace Mason had gifted you every day since he’d given to you last year and today wouldn’t be an exception. No one knew about the secret engraving underneath and even if there was no coming back for the pair of you, you still wanted to keep part of him close to you as he’d always been such a big part of your life.

It had been about half an hour now and you could hear the buzz from downstairs letting you know people had arrived. You were nervous about heading down however and hoped that your cousins were there so you had someone to talk to rather than aimlessly following your mum around.

’Hey love, can you get that nice bottle of rosé out the fridge for Debbie?’ your Dad asked as you were halfway down the stairs, nodding at him before making a u-turn at the bottom of the stairs to fetch it from the kitchen before taking it to him in the dining room.

Knowing they were here and Mason wasn’t with them gave you mixed emotions. On the one hand you were relieved as you didn’t have to see him but on the other hand you wondered if he was avoiding you. He’d been back for a few weeks now and still made no attempt to contact you so you came to the conclusion you were no longer friends.

It stung, and left you feeling confused but you’d grown to accept it. Not everyone in your life was meant to stick around but you’d always thought Mason would be the exception. Trying to get past the fact you’d never see your favourite brown eyes or his special smile directed at you anymore.

That was until you heard his unmistakable laughter in the living room. The sound making your blood turn cold and for a second you wondered if you were just hearing things, but as you rounded the corner to double check you spotted him right away.

The same boy who’s heart you’d broken a year ago, who’d in turn had broken yours slowly since then. The same eyes and smile and silly spiky hair but he’d grown more than you could ever imagine to the point it was like looking at someone new. His shoulders and chest were broader and even through his jeans you could tell his legs weren’t as tiny as they used to be. He was even dressed better than he used to be, all in black in a pair of ripped jeans and a dark denim jacket but you felt sick at the sight of him.

He was still the boy who’d ignored you for a year because you said you didn’t want to be with him romantically and even though you stood by your decision, you were hurt by the way it had all been handled.

You didn’t want to speak with him or be near him so you turned back around made made your way to the stairs so you could lock yourself away for a moment. The bathroom being empty when you made it up the stairs and you sat on the edge of the bath as you tried to relax.

There were too many emotions flowing through you right now. You were shocked at seeing him again, upset and angry that he thought he could just turn up at your parents house and you’d be fine with it and embarrassed that everyone seemed to know he was here and you didn’t.

After a few relaxing breaths you managed to look yourself in the mirror. Wiping away the few tears that were sitting in your waterline before making yourself look presentable enough to go back.

You weren’t prepared to see him, the shock of him actually being here overwhelmed you and as much as you had told yourself things were done you knew there was still a part of you that yearned to still be his friend. To forget everything that had happened over the last year and accept him back with open arms but your pride wouldn’t let you.

The first thing you saw when you left the bathroom was Mason's big brown eyes again. This time he was standing on his own directly across from the door and you knew he’d been waiting for you. You paid him no attention though, your eyes falling to the floor as you walked away and back down the hall to the stairs but you should have expected him not to let you go so easily. Feeling his fingers wrap around your wrist as he pulled you to a stop and gently turned you to face him.

‘I’m sorry’ he whispered after a few seconds of silence. The sound of his voice in the flesh again making you shiver but you keep your eyes down as you knew they were full of tears again. ‘Y/n? Please. Please, I’m so sorry’

You didn’t respond, the tears now freely flowing down your face and even though he’d let go of you now, you were frozen. Your hands coming up to hide your face as you sobbed into them but he was quick to wrap you up in his embrace like nothing had happened. The pair of you fitting together like missing puzzle pieces as he tried to comfort you the best he could but soon enough he was pulling you in the direction of your room to try and avoid anyone seeing you so upset.

Once inside your room he grabbed your arms gently and placed them around his neck so you’d hug him and you didn’t pull back. Letting him hold you close to his body as his arms wrapped around your waist and that same feeling of safety you got around Mason that you always did returned alongside the crippling feeling of hurt that rippled under your skin.

‘Come on, please don’t cry’ he whispered but his words had the adverse effect. Sobs wracking through you as you held him as tightly as possible, almost as if he might disappear again but he was holding you back just a tight. Rubbing your back to soothe you but all you could do was sob into his neck as the smell of him consumed you. ‘Come sit down, yeah?’ He whispered and when he pulled away so he could take your hand you let him lead you over to your bed, unsure as to why you were blindly following his lead but you were hurt and upset and even though it was all his fault, his was the only comfort you wanted.

You followed him over to your bed. Your hand in his the whole time and he sat down on the edge before manoeuvring you onto his lap. Not really aware of your surroundings as your eyes were full of tears but once you were seated he pulled you into a hug again. Holding you close to his body as he slightly swayed you from side to side but you just hid your face in your hands again as you lent into him. Still too upset to even look at him but your mouth was now starting to run away with you.

‘You didn’t even let me say goodbye’ you hiccuped through your sobs. Feeling him pull you in even tighter as you wiped your eyes repeatedly. ‘I get you were hurt but you took that from me’

‘I know I know, I’m sorry’

‘I waited… I waited for you to text me and you never did’

‘I know, love. I know I didn’t and I’m the biggest idiot in the world’ he told you quietly. ‘Why do you think I came here tonight? I wanna try and make it up to you. To apologise and explain myself’

‘Why haven't you tried before?’

‘Cause I was embarrassed’ he admitted quietly but it didn’t make you feel any better hearing it. ‘And I thought you deserved more than a phone call or a shitty text’

‘Why Mase? Why did you go and just forget about me?’

‘I didn’t I promise, I’ve thought about you every day, yeah?’ He told you sincerely, moving the pair of you so that you could face each other a little better but your eyes were still full of tears and you couldn’t make him out very well. You wanted to hear his explanation though so you waited for him to continue whilst you quietened your sobs and thankfully he took the hint and carried on.

‘That last conversation we had, I was crushed. And it’s not your fault at all yeah, I told myself you’d probably shoot me down but there was this tiny part of me that thought you might feel the same. And it’s okay that you don’t, you’re probably right as it wouldn’t have worked but I was so embarrassed that you knew I liked you and the fact nothing would happen felt shit so I told myself just to adjust to life out there for a bit and then I’d be fine to talk to you again’ he told you quietly and it hit you once again how upset he was that you’d didn’t have the same feelings he did.

‘The first few months weren’t great and I needed you but I held back. Gave you your space and me mine, you know? but as time went on I just kept talking myself out of it. Said that you hadn’t tried with me either so I should just leave it a little longer but then it got to the point it was too long and I was too embarrassed to text you cause I figured you must hate me now’

‘I've never hated you, Mase’ you told him, sniffing as you tried to get yourself together again. ‘I’m really fucking hurt but I could never hate you. I only never messaged you cause I was giving you space too. I can’t tell you the amount of times I typed something out to send to you and then backed out cause I figured you weren’t ready. That you hadn’t text first and I had to wait for you to come to me but you never did, Mase’

‘I know’ he sighed, his voice full of tears now himself and hearing him upset hurt more than anything else you’d been feeling for the last year. ‘I’m so sorry, y/n. I really am. I don’t know if it makes any difference or if there’s anyway we can go back to being friends but I’m here now and I want to make things right with you’ he told you and you could tell he was ready to have a cry himself. The sound of his voice making your tummy churn and when you built up the courage to look at him the tears were sliding down his cheeks. ‘You’ve got me through some of my worst days, and when I was struggling out there I can’t tell you how many times I went to message you as well. I tried to push it all aside but I was afraid you’d still think I was pathetic-‘

‘Hey, no’ you interrupted, reaching you to touch his arm that was settled on your lap and the tiny bit of contact made Mason's eyes light up. ‘You’ve never been pathetic, Mase. I know that conversation didn’t go how you wanted but I never once thought you were pathetic’

‘I’ve really missed you’ he pouted, his bottom lip wobbling as his eyes continued to overflow and as much as you wanted to tell him you missed him back you held off. ‘It’s all my fault, I know that, but I’ve missed hearing about your day and telling you about mine. I’ve missed laughing until we’re crying and feeling sick, I just miss you. Like I don’t care about any of that stuff now I just want my friend back’ he hiccuped and your heart hurt for the broken boy in front of you. ‘If you need more time I can give it to you. I know things won't be the same and we’ll have to work on stuff but I’ll do anything for you’

‘If it was anyone else, you know I’d say no’ you told him, watching the hope fill his eyes as he knew what was coming next. ‘But I’ve been miserable without you Mase’

‘I’ve been miserable too’ he laughed, a few more tears spilling from his eyes but you took him into your arms again so hold him. To hopefully let him know that things would be okay somehow no matter how the two of you were feeling that you could get back to where you needed to be eventually. ‘How about, we both sort ourselves out so we look presentable and head back downstairs. We can talk more then yeah, I just don’t want you missing your dads birthday’

‘Okay’ you sighed, giving him a small smile but you watched his eyes flicker over your face before coming back to look in your eyes.

‘Where’s your red lipstick?’ He asked quizzically and you should have known this comment was coming sooner or later.

‘Oh um, I’ve still got it, I’ve just been trying something new for a while’ you smiled. ‘The red’s a lot, you know?’

‘I liked it’ he shrugged and and your heart melted at the way he was looking at you still.

‘Do you not like me without?’

‘Of course I do, you I know I’ll take you whatever way you come but I never thought in a million years you’d willingly stop wearing it’

‘Just thought a change might be good’ you nodded and you were hoping he’d move on from it and not make you explain it any further.

‘Come on then, we should head back out’ he told you. Tapping your thigh so you’d stand up off his lap and once you had you’d realised how much you missed his touch.

‘You go, I’ll come in a sec. I just need to sort my face out’ you laughed, realising you probably looked like a hot mess but he just smiled at you and touched your arm before turning to leave. ‘Mase?’ You called quietly, but he stopped in his tracks and turned to you with his eyebrows raised. ‘Can I get one more hug? I really did miss you’ you whispered and you watched his face soften immediately before wrapping you up in his arms again. Lifting you off the floor so he could sway you from side to side but your giggles made him pop you back on the floor.

‘See you down there, yeah?’

‘Okay’ you nodded and with that you let him go.

You didn’t think too much of letting him go back on his own, Mason grabbing himself a drink before making a beeline for his brother but he didn’t quite get there as he was stopped in his tracks by your mum who wanted to say hello and congratulate him on his season abroad.

‘Mason you must come and meet Jack’ your mum told him, linking her arm through his as she led him through the dining room and he just went with it.

‘Jack? Yeah sure’ Mason said, walking up to a guy who was stood alone by the window but he nodded his head at Mason as he got close but Mason didn’t know what to think or how to react.

Mason could tell what kind of guy Jack was immediately. Taller than him by a good few inches, short jet black hair and arms as big as Mason's head. He had no idea who he was though and guessed he was part of the family or a friend but when Jack gave him a once over as your mum introduced Mason to him there was something about him that felt off.

‘Hey it's good to meet you, man’ he smiled, holding his hand out for Mason to shake and it’s like he was trying to crush Mason's hand with the grip of it so Mason held back just as tightly. ‘Y/n’s told me a lot about you. I can’t lie, I’m actually an Arsenal fan but we were keeping up with you last season.’ Jack smiled and Mason just nodded along, still unsure as to who the man was in front of him as the pair of them let go of one another and Mason flexed his fingers behind his back. ‘Have you seen her by any chance? It’s like she’s been avoiding me- ah here she is’ Jack smiled holding his hand out to his right and when Mason turned to look that way he saw you standing in the doorway like a deer caught in the headlights. To say this was the moment you’d been dreading was an understatement but you couldn’t leave Jack hanging.

Mason could see the uncomfortable look on your face but you took Jack's hand and let him pull you into his side and press a kiss to your head. The action making his skin prickle uncomfortably and he had to look away to process what he was seeing before looking back up and avoiding your eyes.

‘You alright, babe? Was just saying to Mason I thought you were avoiding me’ Jack laughed, wrapping his arm around your waist and your heart broke at the look on Mason's face. This isn’t how you wanted him to find that you had a boyfriend but unfortunately you were stuck in between both of them now unsure of what to say or do.

‘Sorry, was just sorting a few things out’

‘That’s alright, sweetie’ he smiled and the term of endearment made Masons' skin crawl. Watching him as he pulled you in front of his body so he could wrap his arms around your waist and rest his chin on the top of your head. Like he was trying to claim you in front of everyone else and Mason could feel his blood starting to boil.

Mason didn’t want to be here, stuck talking to this guy who was holding you in a way he could only dream of but it was the fact he was there in the first place annoyed him more than anything. He came here to talk to you, to make amends with you but now everything was up in the air. He knew he owed you this, that he'd been a crappy friend and he owed it to you to be the best friend he possibly could in this moment but he was overwhelmed and needed a way out. Looking up to find Lewis looking back with his eyebrow raised so he made a quick excuse that he was needed quickly and fled the scene.

‘What the fuck, Lew? Why didn’t you tell me she’s got a boyfriend?’

‘I assumed she would have told you?’ He shrugged, only then realising that the pair of you had both lied to your families that you were still speaking. ‘What’s up with you?’

‘Nothing, I’m getting a drink’ he mumbled before trudging back to the kitchen.

Mason felt broken. A small part of him hoped that when he came back there would be a way for you to work things out and be together. That you’d had a chance to think things over and realise you were in love with him too but now all his dreams were dashed. Yes he’d told you it was fine being friends and he’d do what you wanted but he’d also wanted you to miss him. To realise that you could feel the same and that you could make it work but now there was no chance.

Jack wasn’t the guy he thought you’d go for and he made Mason feel more insecure than he ever had. He could tell he was a few years older and quite clearly able to give you things that Mason couldn’t but the reality that you’d slipped through his fingers completely was more than he could take.

He knew what he had to do though, he had to be what he hadn’t been for the last year and be the bestest friend he could be so he psyched himself up and went back to find you so he could prove himself to you again.

You weren’t hard to spot. Jack now leaning against the table with you in between his legs but it was like Jack could see Mason coming and when he got close enough he started to kiss you softly. The sight making Mason's temper flare but he pushed through it and carried on making his way over.

‘You look hot as fuck babe’ Jack told you, holding you out at arms length so he could look you up and down and even though he was being silly, it made Mason feel awkward how Jack seemed to be dangling you in his face without your knowledge.

‘Jack stop it’ you laughed, tapping him on the chest as you tried to brush the comment away but Mason knew you and he knew how uncomfortable you sounded.

‘No, I’m serious. Like look at you’ he laughed, trying to get you to spin so he could oogle your bum but you just laughed awkwardly and turned back as Jack looked at Mason. ‘You admit it too, don’t you Mason? Go on, tell her. Tell her she looks hot’

‘Mason you don’t have to say that’ you told him, only now just realising he’d seen the whole thing and you watched as his cheeks reddened and he awkwardly coughed. Feeling awful for him as Jack tried to parade you in front of everyone so you swatted Jack in the arm playfully to get him to stop but he just laughed loudly and pulled you closer.

‘What about you Mason? You got a girl’

‘Nope’ Mason breathed, popping the p at the end of his sentence and you knew Mason was getting annoyed with Jack's antics.

‘Why not? You must have girls all over you right?’

‘Not the ones I want though’ he laughed under his breath, just loud enough for you to hear before clearing his throat and nodding to the side. ‘I’m just gonna use the loo I won’t be long’

‘Can you stop doing that’ you whispered to Jack as soon as Mason was out of earshot but just sent you a cheeky wink before pinching your bum.

‘What? You love it when I compliment you usually’

‘I know but we’re at a family party, you need to tone it down’

‘I can’t help it if you're the sexiest person I’ve ever laid my eyes on’ he teased and you wanted to roll your eyes at how ridiculous he was being. ‘You’re my girl and I wanna let everyone know you’re mine’

‘You can show me another time’ you winked, letting him pull you into a hug but you should have known he had ulterior motives when you felt his lips on your neck. Peppering soft kisses that usually drove you wild but you were well aware you shouldn’t be doing this as it wasn’t the time or place.

‘Jack…’

‘Sorry sweetie, I can’t help it’ he laughed, pulling away from you so he could look you in the eyes and you noticed straight away how dark his were. ‘Doesn’t help I won’t get to have you tonight’

‘I’m sure you can wait a few days’

‘I don’t think I can’ he whispered, hands travelling back down to your bum but you pulled out of his grasp so no one could see him being handsy.

‘Well tough. I’m going to get a drink I won’t be long’ you winked and left him on his own so you could go to the kitchen. You’d told him it was for a drink but secretly you wanted to check in with Mason and even though he said he was going to the loo you found him exactly where you thought he’d be.

Mason was out in the garden on his own, arms crossed as he looked up to the sky and even though you knew he’d come out here to be alone you also knew you needed to talk to him. You didn’t want him to find out about Jack the way that he had and you didn’t know what he was thinking so without a second thought you made your way to him. Quietly walking across the grass until you were stood next to him and even though he didn’t look down, you knew he’d seen you.

‘I really have missed out on a lot then, huh?’ He sighed. Finally glancing down at you but you were unsure of what to say. Looking off into the distance just as he had done and you waited for him to talk again. ‘How long have you been together?’

‘About 7 months’ you whispered, watching his head drop out of the corner of your eye and your heart broke for your best friend.

‘How did you meet?’

‘We’re on the same course’

‘And are you happy?’ He asked but you kept silent as you didn’t want to upset him even further. ‘It’s okay, you can tell me’

‘Yes’ you whispered, your tummy dropping as he just shut his eyes momentarily but he was soon looking at you with a small smile on his face.

‘Well that’s all that matters then, yeah?’ He nodded and you felt the tears in your eyes spill over instantly. ‘C’mere, it’s okay’

‘I was gonna tell you, I didn’t want you to find out like that but it just slipped my mind before’ you spoke into his chest. Holding him like he might disappear but the way he was rubbing your back let you know everything would be okay.

‘It’s alright, you don’t need to be sorry’

‘I don’t want you to hate me’

‘Hey, I could never’ he whispered into your hair and you just held him tighter. ‘We may have lost our way a bit and I know it’s my fault but seeing you today, I never wanna go that long without you again okay? You're my best friend, y/n and I’ll always be happy for you no matter what you decide, okay?’

‘I’m still sorry I didn’t say anything earlier’

‘It’s alright, it’s all out in the open now. Unless you've got anything you wanna confess’ he teased but you just shook your head with a laugh. ‘Come on then, I better go give him the full assessment. Make sure he’s good enough for you’

‘I know he’s a lot, but he really is good to me Mase’

‘Okay, I trust you’ Mason smiled before quickly wiping your eyes for the hundredth time that night.

Once you were back inside, the three of you sat together so you could get to know each other. Both boys relaxing a bit as the night went on and you couldn’t believe the two men in your life were getting on. Something you didn’t think was possible even this morning but you hadn’t felt this happy in a long time.

‘You guys got any plans over the summer?’ Mason eventually asked when he was finishing telling you about the trip he’d planned with his family and you smiled at the way he was taking an interest in the both of you.

‘We’ve got a little road trip to Cornwall coming up’ you nodded, feeling Jack squeeze your waist as you knew you were both excited for your first trip away together but you didn’t realise he was about to explain further and drop you in it.

‘Yeah, we weren’t gonna do anything as we need to save the pennies for our big trip but we thought a few days away wouldn't hurt’ Jack smiled and even though you knew what was coming you couldn’t stop it from happening.

‘What’s the big trip?’

‘Safari in Kenya’ Jack smiled and it was like Mason's heart fell into his stomach. That was meant to be our trip he thought, trying best to swallow back his shock and thankfully he pulled it off just enough so Jack believed him.

‘Oh wow, that is a big trip’

‘Yeah, I mean I’ve been there, done that before. I traveled for a few years before uni but when this one mentioned she’d always wanted to go then I told her I’d make it happen’

‘It's just an idea, could be years away’ you mumbled, trying to ease the heartbroken look on Mason's face but he just gave you a tight smile and nodded.

‘No you should do it, I know you’ve always wanted to go’

We’ve always wanted to go, you thought to yourself but you didn’t bring it up again. Letting the boys change the conversation to something football related as you sat there with a heavy heart.

Jack had to leave at around 10, needing to get a late train so he could be home for a family trip the next day and you walked him to the door so you could share a private goodbye but as soon as he left you felt yourself pulled in Mason's direction.

He’d been doing the rounds for about an hour now and even though you’d been talking with Jack and some other members of your family it was Mason who your eyes always went to. Finding him looking back at you fondly most times or pulling silly faces the other so now you were alone you knew you wanted to finally talk to him properly.

You joined in with the conversation he was having with a few of your neighbours until it was just the pair of you talking. Him taking you into the kitchen to refill both your drinks and any concept of time vanished until Debbie made a beeline for the pair of you.

‘You alright you two?’ She smiled and you both nodded before her attention was on Mason. ‘We’re gonna head back but you come when you’re ready yeah?’

It was only then you looked up and realised most people were gone. Only Lewis on Tony left who were putting their coats on and you realised you and Mason must have been too caught up talking to notice anything else.

‘Oh okay, yeah’ he nodded, reaching over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek and you smiled at how lovely he was with her.

‘Text me when you’re leaving i'll get your dad to wait for you by the door’

‘Mum im a grown man and we live one street away. I’m sure I’ll be fine’ Mason groaned, rolling his eyes as you let out a little laugh but Debbie just huffed and you had a feeling she was about to put her foot down.

‘Well I'll feel better if your dad waits for you so just humour me and text us please?’

‘Yeah yeah fine, but don't wait up okay?’

‘If it gets too late he can just stay here, Debbie’ you smiled. ‘I’ve still got that old mattress he used to sleep on whenever he stayed round before’

‘And you wonder why my back was always fucked-‘

‘Language around y/n, Mason’ Debbie interrupted, not happy with her son's filthy mouth but he just chuckled and patted you on the shoulder.

‘What? Who do you think I learnt that word from’ he laughed ‘she’s got a mouth like a sailor’

‘Just text me okay’ she laughed, rolling her eyes once more before giving you both a quick goodbye and joining everyone else in the dining room.

You followed after, making sure to say goodbye to everyone before retreating to the living room and when your parents never came back in, Mason tapped your knee lightly.

‘We should give your parents a hand clearing up, I bet there’s loads to do’

‘No it’s fine, they said to leave it until tomorrow. I think they’ve both gone to bed by the sounds of it’ you laughed before stretching your arms above your head. ‘You wanna go to my room? Bit comfier than these chairs and I wanna get changed’ you smiled and you could have sworn he was blushing ever so slightly.

‘Okay’ he nodded and after grabbing a few snacks the pair of you hurried upstairs and into your room. You’d changed it around a bit from when he’d last seen it properly and when you switched the LED lights on and the space was filled with a purple glow, he looked at you with a shy smile.

‘I’m just gonna get my pjs on, this dress is suffocating me’ you laughed, running over to the bathroom to get changed and wipe your makeup off and when you got back he was sat up against your headboard with a soft look on his face. ‘You okay?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine’ he coughed, adjusting himself and shuffling over before patting the space next to him for you to join and you were quick to jump in next to him.

The pair of you were sat against your headboard for what felt like hours, trying to keep your laughter to a minimum but it was difficult. You’d missed his cheeky personality and he had so many fun stories from when you were apart that he was incessant about telling you about. You eventually found yourselves laid down facing each other and you couldn't help but shuffle yourself closer towards him.

‘You know, I thought I saw you once’ he laughed, rubbing your back lightly after he’d placed his arm around you a short while ago. ‘We were playing PSV and there was this girl in the crowd and I could have sworn it was you. I went over to have a better look at the end of the game but she’d gone and I realised maybe I was just going crazy’

‘You weren’t going crazy’ you whispered. Not having the courage to look at him but you could see him staring at you funny from the corner of your eye. ‘It really was me, I flew out to see you and watch a game but I chickened out of saying hi’

‘Are you serious?’ he laughed, his hand on your side so he could shake you and you laughed until you had the courage to look at him.

‘Completely, I’ve got pictures and everything’ you told him, reaching for your phone and scrolling to the album you had them saved in before rolling onto your front so he could see. Him still on his side but he wrapped his arm around your back further and leaned into your arm so he could get a better look and you could feel him chuckling as you flicked through them.

‘I can’t believe it, I was thinking about you for days after’ he laughed, rolling onto his back and even though you probably shouldn’t have, you felt yourself shuffling over so you could lay next to him. You head on his chest with an arm around his waist and you knew he was shocked as it took him a few beats to wrap his arms around you.

‘Sorry I didn’t come and see you, I just didn’t think you wanted to talk to me’

‘You don’t have to be sorry about anything I promise you’ he whispered. ‘It’s me that’s the sorry one, I can’t believe you came all that way for me’

‘I told you, I’ll always be cheering you on and that’s whether you want me to or not’

‘Of course I want you to’ he gulped and you could tell he was getting upset so you rubbed his chest lightly in hopes it would make him feel a bit better. ‘I really am so sorry y/n’

‘Mase it’s okay-‘

‘No it’s not’ he interrupted, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. The act startling you are little but it warmed your chest and you couldn’t hide your smile. ‘I haven’t felt this… whole, in a long time and I always knew it was you that missing’

‘Well in the interests of being sorry, I’m sorry about the whole safari thing. Jacks travelled here, there and everywhere and when he said he’d been I told him it was always my dream to go. After last year and everything I didn’t know if we’d ever get a chance but it’s our thing and I’m sorry I shared it with someone else’

‘It’s okay, we can make it a group trip’ he laughed, squeezing you tighter and you loved the fact he was taking everything in his stride.

‘Yeah? You’ll come with us’ you smiled, looking up at him but he shrugged and you weren’t sure if he was saying it to try and make you feel better.

‘Maybe, we’ll see’ he winked before you settled back on his chest. ‘Maybe i’ll be able to buy you your own safari to keep in the garden soon’

‘I’d like that’ you whispered, loving the fact everything had clicked right back into place and the fact that you thought this would never happen made things feel extra sweet.

You spoke quietly for a bit longer, talking about the future and what he thought his next plans were but it was way past 2am and you were both yawning your heads off.

‘Come on Mase, you look exhausted. Why don’t you go to sleep’

‘Cause I cant be arsed to get up and get that fucking awful mattress’

‘So don’t, we can share right?’ You told him, not wanting him to move either as you felt so comfy on his chest but you hoped you weren’t pushing things too far for the pair of you. You’d had sleepovers before when you were younger but never in the same bed and now you knew he once harboured feelings for you it may have been awkward but you didn’t care right now.

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah, just don’t hog the covers’ you laughed, rolling away so you could get up and pull the covers away as the pair of you had been laying on top and you laughed as he rolled around to get underneath

‘I can’t promise anything’

‘You really gonna sleep in jeans?’ You asked, sliding in next to him, not wanting to make him uncomfortable by telling him to get undressed but also knowing that he was a human radiator and it would be like sleeping next to the sun if he stayed as he was.

‘I’ve got nothing else’ he mumbled. ‘Stop trying to undress me’

‘Oh whatever’ you laughed, moving the covers back so you could finally get back in before turning your lights out and settling down.

‘Y/n? He whispered, only just hearing his voice as he was most of the way asleep and you hummed to let him you know heard him in hopes he’d carry on. ‘For what it’s worth, he was right. You did look hot tonight’

All of a sudden you were wide awake, a small gasp falling from your lips as your eyes flew up to his but he was out like a light. Small snores filling the quiet room and you thought it was typical for him to be asleep so quickly.

You ignored what he said though, knowing he was just trying to tease you and you rolled over onto your side away from him. Letting the sound of his breathing lul you off to sleep, feeling more at peace than you had in months.

Tag list - @saltyheartnightmare @harvestmount @prideofpd @sid-vii @carlottawllms @footiehoemcfc @katharinanadiaa @whenelifallsinlove @neverinadream @cityzenchick @msnmnt @stikkibun @masonmtxo @chillymountsjess @yoursselo @maseymm @feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps @leclerc13

[unforth]

Alright not to like liveblog my breakdown on main but yesterday was a really bad day after a really bad, like, 4 months, and I've hit a bit of a breaking point and one of the only things in my life that can give is running @mdzsartreblogs , @tgcfartreblogs , @svsssartreblogs , @erhaartreblogs , @tykartreblogs , and @cnovelartreblogs , so that is what has to give. It's been a 99-out-of-100 days thankless job. A small number of people do say thank you and yall I appreciate you so much (HUGE shout-out to the artist I met at Flamecon who gifted me a zine when I said I ran these blogs, @bonesblubs you rock) but I have never done an act of fandom labor simultaneously this labor intensive yet this invisible before and, uh. It sucks. I spend an hour or more a day on this every day, if it's under 2k hours since I started the first of these in September 2020 I'd be shocked. And I do it because I love it but doing it means I don't have time or energy to do other things I love. And I really don't want to just quit, but I can't keep this up.

In a last-ditch effort to try not to just give up, I'm making the following changes:

1. Only watching one tag per fandom for the MXTX fandoms. I am going to check *only* #tgcf, #svsss, and #mdzs. Artwork posted to any other tag, I will not see unless a mutual reblogs it.

2. Reduced tagging (even more). I'm only going to tag characters and maybe overarching au type (eg, "modern au," "fantasy au"). I'll no longer tag creatures. I will continue to tag the same common trigger warnings I already tag.

3. If a work's appearance doesn't make it obvious what it is AND the tags aren't clear, I'm not going to reblog. I can't keep spending 5 minutes or more trying to figure out what I'm even looking at, scared that if I guess wrong the artist will get mad at me for mistagging their work. If I do reblog, I'll tag only the artist name and/or whatever else I can identify for sure.

4. I am no longer going to follow #link click. The fandom is just too big. I've started dreading checking it. If I was more into it and less busy I would make another spin off just for it but neither of those is true. (The art is so good, I hate to do this, but. If you love link click, highly recommend the main tag, lots of great stuff there.)

5. I will no longer tag any non-cnovel content in the art/post. Like, if someone draws, idek, Xie Lian and Marinette from Ladybug, I'm not gonna put any tags for Marinette, just for Xie Lian.

6. Basically if I run into something hard to tag or confusing or unclear, my new policy is I'm not gonna fricken bother.

I think those are everything but idefk, I cried for 3 hours last night and got 4 hours of sleep so I'm mostly fueled by exhaustion and desperation right now and my memory is even more fried than usual.

How artists can help. This is obviously all optional. You do you. But since some people might want to know what would make my life easier, I'm sharing. I'm not claiming I feel entitled to dictate how people fandom or anything like that.

1. Put the tags for the character(s) and ship(s) early in the tag list.

2. If you make art for a fandom that isn't one of the big ones (right now the only big danmei fandoms on tumblr as far as I can tell are the MXTX fandoms and maybe 2ha) I am begging you to use my tracked tag #cnovelartreblogs

3. Do mdzs art? Tag #mdzs. Do tgcf art? Tag #tgcf. Do svsss art? Tag #svsss.

4. Not only artists, but everyone, *please* stop tagging fandoms not discussed and/or depicted in your post. It's gotten to be stupid common for people to blanket the danmei fandom tags with posts only about one fandon (like, svsss-only works also being tagged mdzs and tgcf and 2ha for some damn reason). This isn't about just my sideblogs tbh this is just fandom etiquette that seems to have been forgotten or never learned by many. Tagging unrelated fandoms isn't "reach," it's annoying. People go into the #mdzs tag to see mdzs, not whatever not-mdzs stuff people have decided to tag for ~reach~, and seeing the same post in 8 tags, none of which it's related to, is so damn irritating, and makes scrolling the tags looking for content that IS relevant take that much longer. Knock it off.

Okay. I think that's as much as I'm prepared to meltdown where everyone can see. Thanks in advance everyone for your understanding, and apologies to everyone about to see this 8 times as I reblog it to each sideblog.

At least I'm not tagging it to everywhere. 🤣🤣🤣

[starfoam-saloon]

HNNNNN

Twst au but instead it goes like this;

One of the twst boys(whoever) ends up getting transported to your world with no magic. They wake up in your house after you help them when you found them in the alleyway on your way home like ouch dude. You find out they aren’t from this world after they do some magic so you guys spend the entire summer helping each other and comforting them since they have issues with themselves and being homesick or something. Yadda yadda yall fall in love and are dating during it.

One day, miraculously on the last day of summer, yall find the mirror and that twst boy is sent back after yall promise to find each other again. Maybe like a years later(idk imagine time runs differently there) you’re getting ready for bed and you wake up in that coffin.

Something something and you end up starting your first day at NRC. Yayyyy!!!! And when you meet the twisted wonderland guy, at first glance yall immediately know each other and yall are just being cute and everyone who knows you is like “HUH???” Imagine meeting Ace and he can’t bully you cause oh no that’s his idiot. Meeting riddle and he immediately calms down. Meeting Lilia and silver is just like “huh.” Or it could be the other way around. Ruggie seeing Leona all soft and he’s just like “when???!?!!??” It’s such a funny concept to me cause imagine you and Ace are together and your friends are like “Ace how did you pull on the first day” and before Ace can stroke his ego you just say “he stuttered 15 times trying to ask me out”

OH OH imagine meeting Vil and he’s like “and who is- oh hello dear- and WHAT-???” Vil tenderly holding you as the rest of the VDC group is just shocked that Vil mr popular had a lover. Or any of Octavinelle thinking it’s a bit strange that one of them is really good at walking since they don’t believe either of them when they said they went to the human world for the entire summer. Jade or Floyd just think the other explored the ocean the entire summer idk—

Jamil angst a bit cause he thought the one he loved would never be here again and feels slightly betrayed when they ask for help from Azul of all people. But just appreciates them entirely either way cause yeah. If you’re dating either of the overblot boys I guarantee they aren’t gonna let you get in the way and might keep you at a distance while you try to help your friends. (Yum favoritism)

Or dating one of the RSA boys so imagine their shock when Chen’ya kisses you at an Unbirthday party when he steals some food. Or Neige hugging you and saying all kinds of honeyed words with heart eyes as he sees you again. Is a bit sad you’re in NRC.

AND MY FAVORITE ROLLO!!! Like imagine he’s just being all dramatic and he sees his lover and just opens his arms cause he knows they’re gonna jump in them. Rollo trying to not be jealous since Mallues seems to care a bit too much about his lover(Mal just wanna be a good friend I swear). He keeps you in the bell tower to try and not get you hurt but you end up accidentally falling with the others. Yadda yadda, you stay with Trein even if you’re the most stubborn person on the planet, and you eventually pull him to the side before Malleus can do his whole ‘imagine losing to me lmao’ thingy ig. And the two of you talk but you two eventually just love and care for the other and when you leave the others are asking if y’all broke up to which you reply “um… nuh uh.” While holding a letter from Rollo so you two can write to each other (he texted while he cans and calls you but he likes to send letters since he thinks it’s romantic and reminds him of the love letter he gave you in the summer in your world.)

They love you lots, so don’t be too surprised if they feel like they want you to stay here with them. :(

IF ANYONE MAKES A FIC OF THIS USING EITHER THEIR TWST OC/SELF INSERT/ READER PLEASE @ ME/TAG ME I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YALLS THINGS WITH THE IDEA I HAD PLSPLSPLPS☹️☹️

[fiendishartist2]

im not fucking around anymore. here's the full "Paul is Care" essay i've been working on:

“Alright. So there's uh, nothing out here, as far as I've seen. But actually, I think there is something out here. I just haven't seen it yet.”

In Petscop, the story is told between the lines. When you feel like you have a grasp on it, a single colour or date throws off everything you’ve built up. That’s why I like to look at Petscop in another way; not as a series of events, but an exploration of a single character: Paul.

Some people like to map everything out in a single timeline; when did Care go missing, when did the family get the game, when did Lina and Mike die. I think that every interpretation of Petscop has its own value, because Petscop means something different to everyone who watches it. But, when I look at Petscop, I don’t just see a series of events wrapped up in the mystery of Care’s disappearance. I see a video game used as a device to explore and understand the connection between the past and the present. I see the ways in which Paul Leskowitz is Carrie Mark.

I know that to some that notion might seem crazy; the broader discussion of Petscop is different to the niche ones held by crazy people in the tags of a Tumblr post . Obviously, this theory is personally significant and I hold it very near and dear to my heart. But, I want to share this theory in a way that makes sense to the general audience of Petscop because I genuinely believe you guys are missing out! So, keep an open mind and enter my Petscop mind-palace…

“...were signs along the way. Um, that I ignored. Because it would have been a completely ridiculous idea to me. Um. But when I found my room, it made, uh, well, I was shocked at first, but it made sense, especially considering where I found the game in the first place, um, that it would be tied, in some way, to me through you. Um. And I'm trying to think, when was the last time I saw any of you at all? It had to have been in like, 1999. I was a kid, I was a small kid. Tiny kid. Um. And after that, just, you know. But, it would make sense in the timeline.” (Petscop 11)

A lot of Petscop theories surround the actual textual proof found in the videos, so that’s where I’ll start. There’s many instances where Paul makes the connection between himself and Care, but one moment continues to stick with me. In Petscop 11, Paul finally enters the house and takes a look around. He’s on the phone with someone, presumably Belle. Paul goes up to the calendars and starts talking about Care, “Yeah, on that topic... I don't remember meeting this girl at all. Um, I don't remember knowing her at any point (…) Um, and I remember you saying that we were, that we, we are, um, exactly the same age.” (Petscop 11). He points out that he and Care share the same birthday, down to the year. We get further confirmation of this in Petscop 14, when Paul’s conversation with Jill that he had on his own birthday is superimposed onto Care’s. The next part though, is what really gets the theory started, “I do agree there's a resemblance. Um. Very strong resemblance between us.” (Petscop 11).

Faces are incredibly important in Petscop. Marvin thought Care and Mike could be rebirthed into Lina because they had similar features, and Care had to be given Mike’s eyebrows specifically to change her room. So, for Paul and Care to have such similar facial features that someone else pointed out the resemblance is significant.

They also happen to share the name “Leskowitz”, which is both Anna and Lina’s last name. We know this because his Reddit account is “p_leskowitz”.

If he’s a Leskowitz, then that explains his complicated feelings towards “the family”. “The family” is a foreboding presence throughout Petscop. Their meddling isn’t outright malicious, but even Paul admits that he’s intimidated by them. And it makes sense, as “the family” (comprised of Anna and Jill) each have a major role in the core mystery of Petscop. Anna is the mother of Care and the wife of Marvin, while Jill is Marvin’s sister and the mother of both Rainer and Mike. To be a Leskowitz, Paul would need to be blood related to Anna or Lina in some way. Paul shows that he has this relation to the family in Petscop 22, when he’s talking to Belle about finding the windmill, “And, I don't th- and you don't have to worry about it, right, 'cause... 'cause you aren't, you aren't family, so you wouldn't... have a room, that's the thing.” (Petscop 22). In this context, Paul is asking Belle whether Jill has contacted her. When he tells her she doesn’t have a room, this is in reference to the Child Library explored in Petscop 3 and 7. This means that in order to be part of the Leskowitz-Mark family (and in our case, related to Care), you have to have a room in the Child Library, something both Paul and Care possess.

Paul being related to the family is also supported by his casual mention of meeting Rainer as a child, “‘Rainer’... I saw him at a birthday party once. All the older kids were down in the basement playing video games, to hide from everyone. He was down there, too. He was older than the rest of them, though.” (Petscop 11), and his confusion of not knowing Care, with the implication that if she was real, he would have met her through the family.

A rarely discussed aspect of Paul’s character is that he can’t tell his left from his right. When he’s doing the disc puzzle in Anna and Marvin’s room is Petscop 11, “Um, we can see what the room looks like in that recording, um, on the uh, right? ... Left? Left? Right ... side.” (Petscop 14) and before he even enters the house, “And, I mean, I still get confused about that. Because, I mean, well, I know it's always the top, but, um, I still have to think. I have to think.” (Petscop 11), we can clearly see that he has trouble with directions. In a similar fashion, Care is described as “dizzy”, most notably in the end credits of Petscop. She is also described as blind by Rainer in Petscop 17, “You were blind. At some point, your movements stopped making sense.” (Petscop 17). In the counsellor’s office, the counsellor says to Paul, “Are you right handed, or left handed? You don't know? Really?” (Petscop 22). I’ll get more into it later, but this sequence is presumably a real conversation that the game is recreating. If this scene is taken from Care’s real childhood, then it confirms that she also had problems with her lefts and rights.

Now, this is the base level of the theory. It’s easy to figure out that Paul is a Leskowitz, he literally calls them “the family”. And while I think the bits about faces and birthdays and directions are significant to this theory, I wanted to get all of the textual evidence out of the way so that I could get into the fun part of this essay: the subtext.

”Some things you can't rewrite.” (Petscop 14)

Petscop is nothing if not a collection of symbols and metaphors. Ask me what Petscop is all about on any given day and there’s a non-zero chance I will start explaining why the car is orange. While it is necessary to analyse Petscop as a real series of events, I think that another approach can be taken; what if we analysed Petscop as a series of events that are happening to Paul specifically? That the game is creating meaning by placing Paul specifically in these snippets of the past. By looking at each moment as “Why did the game make Paul do this?” instead of “What is happening in the game?”, we can see everything through a new lens.

First, I want to discuss colour. Colour plays a huge role in Petscop; almost every character is assigned their own colour. This is most often used to denote who is speaking in text, but it’s also used for other things like the tool. You are probably aware that Care’s colour is yellow, as all of her text is yellow. What you might not know is that Paul’s colour is red. Paul has exactly one instance in all of Petscop where he has coloured text and that is in Petscop 22, when he gives the counsellor his name. The calendars in the house are also colour coded, as the one showing 2017 is red.

One of my favourite moments in all of Petscop uses colour in a way that supports this theory perfectly. When Paul takes Care out of the rebirthing machine, she has been transformed into an Easter egg. A red and yellow striped Easter egg. I will get into this egg later on, but for now, I want to point out how Paul and Care’s colours have been used here. Of course, it’s significant just that they've been put together, but it's more than that. Care’s final form, the egg she has been placed in to keep her safe from all of the trauma she has suffered, that she will spend the rest of the series in, is painted a combination of her and Paul’s colours. In the same sequence, when Paul is playing the Needles Piano for Care B, the “wrong” notes he plays to turn her into the Easter Egg are all red. There’s a joke about eggs and transness in here somewhere.

Right after Care’s rebirth into the egg, Paul places her in the locker with the purple egg and the “new life” letter. If we abide by the established colour theory, this second egg would be Belle’s/Tiara’s egg. By putting them together, alongside the letter, it symbolises Care and Belle’s transfer to Lina’s care; this can also be supported by the ending of Petscop. In the final scene of the soundtrack, Belle recounts when she and Paul were adopted, “There is Boss waiting for her son. Pall do you remember being born. Smuggled away driving to your new house. Boss in driver seat me in back.” (Petscop Soundtrack). “Do you remember being born” is a question posed over and over again throughout Petscop. It’s meant to be a reference to rebirthing, but here it’s Paul being asked if he remembers being born, not Care; you can also connect this to the “new life” letter, making it apparent Belle is asking if he remembers when he was given his “new life” with her and “Boss”. There’s also the implication of the wording “smuggled away”, implying that there was something stopping Paul from being taken to his new home. Paul and Care’s final scenes parallel each other; Care is placed with Belle’s/Tiara’s egg with the “new life” letter, while Paul is taken back to “Boss” by Belle. Care and Paul are both asked if they “remember being born”.

Another, smaller piece of colour theory in Petscop comes from the board games in the counsellor’s office. The board game “Accident” features red and yellow puzzle pieces that fit together, but are broken apart. Remember that Care’s colour is yellow, so assume that she symbolises the yellow piece; Paul’s colour is red, so assume that he symbolises the red piece. The red piece is bigger and fits into the smaller yellow piece, like it’s missing the beginning of it. The yellow piece comes before the red piece, as if it adds context to the red piece. When we think of this in terms of Care and Paul, we can see that Care is the “missing piece” of Paul; the small part of his past that adds the context that completes him. Paul’s piece is bigger because he’s been Paul for so much longer (if we interpret the counsellor’s office as a real event the way it is shown, then that could be the moment he changed. Or, if we consider Care’s rebirth into the egg as the moment Care turned into Paul, then that would be the moment instead), meanwhile Care’s piece is small because she was only a small part of his life.

Taking colour into account, we can get into the meat of the symbolism in Petscop. When we view the events of Petscop through our new lens, many things become significant. Paul is placed in the role of Care many times throughout the series; on Care’s birthday, in the counsellor's office, and in Rainer’s “you are Carrie Mark” monologue.

During the “strange situation” birthday scene, Paul carries around a yellow balloon, symbolising that he is standing in for Care. This is further cemented by Anna’s dialogue addressing Paul as if he is Care on the day she came home, “You made it. Happy birthday! (...) Why are you covering your face? (...) Of course I recognize you. Those eyes. That nose. That’s still you.” (Petscop 14).

This next dialogue from Anna is particularly interesting to me; she doesn’t just tell Paul that she’s happy Care is home safe or ask him where she’s been, but instead she says this, “I sure hope you’ve realised by now. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been gone. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed. You aren’t lost. Stop wandering and come home.” (Petscop 14). When we talk about Petscop, we have the urge to deny any supernatural involvement in the story. Whether through AI or predictive programming or alternate timelines, we want Petscop to be plausible. Understandable. Easy to digest. But, we often forget that Paul poses the question of a literal “ghost in the machine” in the first few episodes. I want to consider this quote– Anna talking to her child who has been “lost” for many years– as an act of this ghost. The game is talking back to Paul, telling him that no matter how much he has changed, he still has the same eyes, the same nose that made him Carrie Mark. And we know how important eyes and noses are in Petscop. Also as a side note, consider how Anna didn’t specify eyebrows; we know that Care’s lack of eyebrows is in some way due to Marvin, but when she tells Paul she recognises his eyes and nose, she doesn’t add on eyebrows. Paul said it himself in Petscop 7, “Um, and why am I doing that? Well, because eyebrows seem to be important.” (Petscop 7). I like to think that she couldn’t have said that Paul has the same eyebrows because, since Marvin isn’t in the picture anymore, he wouldn’t have any reason to pluck them.

Another scene that mixes up Paul and Care is the counsellor's office. When Paul finally enters the “girl wall” in Petscop 22, he is placed into a school’s counsellor’s office. Again, they talk to Paul as if he is Care, apologising for taking him out of class and saying he needs to “catch up”, implying that he’s missed a significant amount of school. As they start to play Graverobber (Jesus Christ, Rainer), the counsellor is confused about Paul’s name; they ask him if they have the wrong name written down, as his save file is currently “Strange Situation” and when they called out the name on file, Paul didn’t respond. Now, the connection here is a little more nuanced, but it still comes to a conclusion that I think greatly supports the theory. “Strange situation” is in reference to the Mary Ainsworth Strange Situation Experiment, a test in which an infant is deliberately separated from their mother to test their level of attachment. This is a very base level understanding of this concept, but when applied to this specific scene, it becomes apparent that this “strange situation” is another reference to Care. Care was separated from her mother for about half a year, only returning during the birthday party scene; the counsellor’s scene was accessible once Paul started using the “Strange Situation” file. Care stopped recognising the name she used before the seperation, considering herself to be “Strange Situation” instead. She has literally stopped recognising the name Care, and picks out her own name (which in the game Paul sets to his own).

Also consider the implication of the “girl wall”. At first, it’s an absurd joke, meant to lighten the mood using the same roundabout humour the rest of the series has. But, the counsellor asking if they have the wrong name, listing Paul as “Strange Situation” instead of his name, combined with the fact that when Paul is placed in front of the girl wall, he can’t walk away from it, it becomes a bit of an analogy; The game keeps forcefully showing Paul the word “GiRL” over and over and when he finally enters the “girl-world” as Strange Situation, he is called the wrong name and once again placed in Care’s shoes.

Let’s revisit the “ghost in the machine” idea. In Petscop 17, we are shown a past recording of Petscop; we never find out who was playing at this time, but it’s easy to assume Paul is the one watching the recording. The footage is less interesting than the dialogue, but it is notable that it’s a recording of the player running backwards in a very deliberate pattern. The actually relevant part of this sequence is Rainer’s monologue; in particular, the way he frames it, “You are a girl named Carrie Mark, and you were born on November 12th, 1992. You have a mommy named Anna, a daddy named Marvin, an auntie named Jill, an uncle named Thomas, a cousin named Daniel, ......I know what you must be thinking. Have these statements always been true? Or have I cursed you? Is there such a thing? A curse that changes your past?” (Petscop 17). There’s something about the forcefulness of this dialogue, “You are Carrie Mark,” as if Rainer is trying to make it so just by saying it. The inclusion of the birthday is also notable; we have been shown time and time again that Paul and Care share a birthday, and that this is an important part of both of their characters. So, when Rainer asks if these statements have always been true, or if it’s “a curse that changes your past”, we’re meant to interpret it as such: some of the statements are true, but the “you” being addressed is not currently “a girl named Carrie Mark”. Rainer casts a spell to make the player retrace their steps and although he might not be playing, the use of the word “you” and present tense language makes the statement pointed towards Paul. There’s something to be said about Rainer’s position in all of this; he isn’t the only tangible “ghost” in Petscop (Marvin and Tiara fit Paul’s definition established in Petscop 6), but he’s the only one to be fully dead. It truly feels, in this moment, like Petscop– like Rainer– is talking directly to Paul. The “curse that changes your past” is the part that ties it all together. This past that Paul doesn’t fully remember, where Anna and Marvin have a daughter named Care, where someone in his family went missing for months– by learning about this through the game, Rainer is essentially changing Paul’s version of the past. Your memory and physical evidence are all you have of the past; when your memory tells you one thing, but physical evidence tells you another, what version of your past is true?

“You’re the Newmaker. You can turn Care NLM into Care A, and close the loop.” (Petscop 9)

Finally, I want to explain why this theory is supportive of the themes of Petscop. Of course, there’s the obvious link between rebirth and the change from Care to Paul. But, there’s also themes of blood family versus chosen family, breaking the cycle of abuse, and of healing from your past. I want to provide an explanation of each of these themes and how the “Paul is Care” theory fits into them.

Let’s begin with the family point, since I already expanded on the family’s role in Petscop earlier. There’s a story behind the scenes in this series; the conflict between the chosen family versus the blood family. Anna and Jill against Belle and Lina. Anna and Jill are restrictive– they take over the channel and block certain things from the audience. Paul admits that he’s intimidated by them, and he’s concerned when he thinks Jill could be in contact with Belle. When we get the only dialogue from Jill, Paul is hostile and aggressive with her, something we don’t see from him otherwise. Alternately, Anna comes off as dismissive in most of her dialogue; when Care shows up at the birthday party, Anna treats her like no time has passed, like they haven’t been searching for her for months. We don’t get direct contact between Anna and Paul (except for a phone call in Petscop 11 that you could interpret as being with Anna), but the way she talks to the player through Care during the birthday party is still dismissive, “I sure hope you’ve realised by now. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been gone. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed. You aren’t lost. Stop wandering and come home.” (Petscop 14). There’s a level of distance between Paul and the family, which is evident from the name alone; Paul identifies himself as part of the family, but he still calls them “the family” as opposed to “my family”. When you pair that with the fact that he calls them all by their first names instead of any term of endearment (like how Rainer calls her “Auntie Jill” in his spell), it paints a clear picture: Paul does not want to be part of this family.

In direct contrast, Belle is shown a significant amount of affection from Paul. Not only is he on the phone with her for a good handful of the episodes, but Belle also has a familial connection to Paul. In Petscop 2, Paul is talking to Belle and he says “When you come home next month, and uh, hopefully you're feeling a little more enthusiastic about that now, we can investigate this together, and maybe you'll find stuff that I can't find here.” (Petscop 2). I think the casual use of the word ‘home’ to describe where Belle is staying implies a certain closeness, maybe even that they live in the same household. That’s not the part of this line that is important to me, however. Take a look at Belle’s final speech at the end of Petscop; Belle says “I could not wait too be your friend,” and Paul responds, “Family”, to which Belle says, “We can investigate this together.” (Petscop Soundtrack). After distancing himself from the family, as well as directly telling her she’s not part of the family (following it up with “Uhh... I didn't- I didn't mean it that way,” (Petscop 22), implying they have a similar connection that she’s defending), Paul calls Belle family. She states that they’re friends and Paul corrects her by telling her that they’re not just friends, but family. The most gut wrenching part of this dialogue is the use of ‘we can investigate this together’. It’s like a ward, a promise that Belle is making to Paul. He doesn’t have to go through this alone, she’s promising to be there for him. She’s going to investigate this with him, like he asked her to in the second episode. Paul doesn’t call his blood relatives family, but he tells Belle that they are his family; her and the “Boss”.

How does this connect to Care? It’s not hard evidence, but when you take this theme of family into account, it makes more sense for Paul to have a strained relationship with the family if we apply Care’s story to him. Think about it; Paul was ‘smuggled away driving too [his] new house’ and he hasn’t seen the family since he was a child, and Care’s egg was (metaphorically) placed with Belle’s and the New Life Letter when she would have been around 5, since that’s the age she was when she was kidnapped. Care went through an extremely traumatic event in a toxic environment– why wouldn’t someone step in and take her out of that family? To me, this theory extends the same closure Paul gets at the end of Petscop to Care; it tells us that even after everything she went through, she finds people who love and take care of her.

Abuse is a huge focus in Petscop, both as a plot point and a major theme. Rainer’s main motivation is to expose Marvin’s abuse of both Mike and Care to the family– whether or not that’s successful is not important. Because years after Rainer’s attempt, Paul is back doing the exact same; although, his playthrough of Petscop is less of an expose and more of an attempt at solving the mystery. Now, I think it’s a little pedantic, but in this context, I think the “cycle of abuse” in Petscop refers less to a generational cycle, but a continuous cycle that happens every time Petscop is played. Care is stuck in this version of the past that Rainer has created, forced to live through it as many years as Petscop is left on. Paul doesn’t continue this cycle though; as far as we know, Paul is the only person to reach the good ending of the game, where he’s rebirthed Care into the egg and reconnected with Belle and ‘Boss’. Paul is the only person who could understand what Care needed, because it’s exactly what he needed.

Care’s trauma is replayed for us throughout Petscop. Every knowable aspect of it is shown, leaving behind a raw feeling; like somehow, Paul and Rainer have made a spectacle of her abuse. But, I don’t think that’s entirely true. Rainer, although he is bitter and vengeful, is ultimately the person who finds the truth about Care and Mike and (if we are to believe him) is also the one who found Care at the school. In the beginning, it’s obvious that Paul is playing the game to see the mystery and is slowly engulfed by it throughout the rest of the series. When the game tells him that, “Marvin picks up tool hurts me when playstation on,” (Petscop 3), Paul proceeds anyway. The same happens when Care is caught in her room; Paul sees what is obviously a child being kidnapped and continues to solve the puzzle anyway. He picks the flower, catching Care NLM, and leads Marvin to the house. Paul follows through on everything he can to ‘solve’ the mystery of Carrie Mark, but in the end, he defies what the game has told him to do and saves Care. He does what Rainer couldn’t do: he breaks the cycle of abuse in the Mark-Leskowitz family. It’s kind of poetic, the idea that the person Care grew to be is the same person who confronts and lays to rest her trauma. The fact that playing his own theme would be the key to changing Care into the egg (a symbol of birth and potential) is beautiful.

The last thing I want to talk about is the theme of healing. This concept is more nebulous; we don’t see much of Paul post-Petscop, but the final scene does always leave me feeling hopeful for him. I think the reconnection with Belle and ‘Boss’, alongside the reassurance that, “[they] can investigate this together,” shows that Paul is out of the mindset and environment Petscop put him in. I’ve always thought that throughout Petscop, we see a deterioration of Paul; in the beginning, he’s intrigued and confused, but we see him become more and more disturbed, irritable, and frustrated towards the end. This is first evident with the CD puzzle in the house, where Paul is so out of his depth and confused that he stops acting with the same calm rationality shown throughout the earlier episodes. Then, when Paul is messing about with the demo recordings, he stops speaking in the videos entirely. When Paul sees the final blacked out object, which are coordinates to the real life windmill, he is the most stuttery we’ve ever seen, “Hm. Y- y- yep, yep. Yep... yep. N- we would- we would have to find out how big... like, we'd have to find out how big a tile is..? One of the tiles..? Like, if we could- if we could figure out how big... one tile is, in... u- in, umm... Like, feet. Or... Uhh, yeah. Meters.” (Petscop 22). He’s frazzled and excited and a little bit scared, evidenced by how he talks about the family, “They didn't... I don't like talking to them. They intimidate me…” (Petscop 22). All of this changes by the end; Paul is no longer stuck playing the game and he’s free to return to the people who love him most. This freedom is summed up in a single image: the final one we see in Petscop. Paul’s chair is empty and the blue sky beyond the desk is brimming with hope.

All this to say, Paul choosing Belle and ‘Boss’ over the game as well as saving Care by doing what’s best for her instead of finishing the final puzzle, alongside his final scene where he is welcomed home by his real family, shows us an interpretation of Petscop that paints it not as a tragedy, but a story of chosen family, breaking the cycle of abuse, and healing trauma through connection.

Thank you so much for hearing me out.

Bye-bye!

[resident-idiot-simp]

Haya everyone Resi here

Disclaimer for my account

You can find me here on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter , and Ao3.

My pronouns are She/Her (above 18) and I am somehow not any form of fruity ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ (well I might be a bit Aro/Ace but I don't really care)

I apologize beforehand because I cannot type dysgraphia is a bitch (I also use voice to type I am not sorry) and I'm also your local Southerner and Christian (tasteful kind) here in the U.S. of A.

I am riddled with the ADHD and I am here to commit arson and have fun.

I love answering asks and questions (especially about my fics) so please shoot me any you have 🩷🩷🩷

Tags on my blog:

#Resi Responds #Resi's breakdowns

#Resi's shorts #Resi's Life

#wendi!verse #Deer!Ghost

#walks up to mic #09 angst

#Deadclaw's Adoption Agency

#Pokémon au

Most current hyper fixation:

🧼Mw💀 & ❤️Dp&W💛

My fics :

DP&W

(how I picture the characters, constants in stuff I write, feral mutants explanation)

Deadclaw’s Adoption Agency- Wade and Logan end up adopting an army of misfits and create a home for those without one.

Meeting the Uncle- What happens when Laura runs into Sabretooth in the void?

What Comes Around Goes Around- The X-Men don't know how to feel about this new logan and have some horrible realizations about their own

Bloodline Spite- Laura doesn't like the X-men because of how they treated Logan

The Spider and The Mini Wolverine- Peter befriends Laura and the Avengers are in for a shock

Past Ghosts- Steve meets a man he thought long dead

What is the Deal With Thoes Two?- Students POV on Deadpool and Wolverine

Aftermath and Consequences- The Consequences of the Odyssey Monologue

When We Were Younger- What if Logan and Wade were both students at Xavier's at the same time

An Old Friend With New Stories- Steve and Bucky run across Logan

Running Across The Mini Wolverine- Three quick one-shots of people running across Laura Kinney and what I think would happen.

First Christmas With The New People- Dermot meets Laura first (Christmas fic)

Logan and Mew- Logan and Mew meet, become best friends, and chaos reigns.

The Kid He Always Wanted- Wade is really good with Laura and the X-Men can't believe it

What If Origins Went Differently- What if I killed Victor In Origins

Kitty Got Claws- Wade plays with Logan's claws with a twist

Unexpected Companionship- Logan and Rogue being father and daughter

Passing of the Torch- What if Laura saw her Logan again

COD

(Not a fic but the Captain MacTavish essay also characterization)

The Family Reunion- What if Soap's cousin saw him again after years of no contact?

An Outsiders Thoughts- What do others see when observing Soap and Ghost

The Uncle- What if Joseph didn't die and Ghost gets to be an uncle

Comfort- Soap gets overstimulated and Ghost helps comfort him

The Loaned Sergeant- Since Soap is so used to Ghost as his LT how would he work with another Lieutenant?

The Old Team- What happens when Soap meets his old team?

Soap and MacTavish- What if Soap meets Captain MacTavish?

Time Kept Ticking- Soap's Family thinks he's dead, but he comes knocking on their door how will they react?

Your a CAPTAIN?!- What if the original 141 were canon in the same universe as their reboot counterparts and Soap with Ghost were using the task force as a cover for their own team?

Don't Dish Out What You Can't Take- Soap and Ghost have a badass kid

Hunger- Ghost is a wendigo because it fits so well!!

The BAU Meet SoapGhost- The BAU deal with John 'Soap' MacTavish and Simon 'Ghost' Riley

The Prince & his Knight- Soap is a prince Ghost is a knight what will happen when Soap I told to court someone?

I haven't Talked to You Since last Year- Simon keeps making jokes and Soap is NOT having it

The Mistake- What if after Roba Tommy kicks Simon out?

Favored by the Crows- Ghost gains an army of crows

Task Force Try Playing Games With Civilians- The 141 play laser tag and paintball with some civilians

What People Around and On Base See- MORE POVS ON YOUR FAVORITE IDIOTS

Alone Time Interrupted by Your Team- Captain MacTavish is rudely interrupted by his team during his not so alone alone time

Cowboy Dan- Cowboy Dan is so Ghost-coded I needed to write a fic so decided to make it sad and about Soap becoming Ghost after Ghost died.

A Little Help- Ghost helps preen Soap's wings

A Little Pick-Me-Up With Company- Soap offers fresh blood to Ghost so they can escape a sticky situation while Price is an unwitting watcher

Jailbirds- Soap and Ghost get arrested on a mission gone wrong

A Preventable Fate- 09 Angst regarding Price not being a good person

What is With Those Two?- Model Ghost and Football player Soap are following each other on social media and the fans just realized

Feeding Your God- 09 Ghost as a lore accurate wendigo (Azilver wrote a story based off of this go read it! Also it has fanart that also works for my fic)

Accidental Mate Acquisition- Seal Mer Soap sees Ghost as his mate what will they do?

The Captain Blowing Off Steam- The Captain has his way with Riley who is just happy to be there

Mama Bear- Mama bear Beth

What do you need?- The Captain has visitors while having his way with Riley

Matching Smiles- Soap has a Glasgow smile

How Did This Snowball so Bad?! - Soap and Ghost experience their first heat/rut together

Relief- Soap with swollen balls needing relief and Ghost offering to help.

Wisper From the Woods - Wendigo Roach activities including but not limited to eating Graves

Mending of Broken Souls - Past meet their future selves (part of this event I hosted)

Love Bites- Vampire Riley getting less traumatized with some TLC from his Captain

Team Bonding- Team bonding over how the 141 imagine Captain MacTavish is like in bed and how badly everyone wants him.

MacTavish and Riley Take on the Apocalypse- Wendi!Verse meets TWD and interacts with the termites (also another small snippet for nine lives)

Feed Your Local Vampire they get Hangry- Vampire MacTavish and willing blood bag Riley

FNAF

Empire of dirt- Ever wanted to know what others in Hurricane thought of the Aftons well wonder no longer!

The Ghost & The Bear- Freddy's POV on a ghost Michael

Final Encore- What would happen if Michael met the crew in Security Breach

[firefly464]

I wrote another one!!! This time it’s about Pearl :DDDD

Scott | Pearl (you are here!) | Martyn | Cleo | Scar

Word Count: 1,496

Fandom: 3rd Life | Last Life SMP Series

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Scott Major | Smajor1995 & Pearl | PearlescentMoon, GeminiTay & Pearl | PearlescentMoon, Pearl | PearlescentMoon & ZombieCleo

Characters: Pearl | PearlescentMoon, Scott Major | Smajor1995, ZombieCleo (Video Blogging RPF), GeminiTay (Video Blogging RPF)

Additional Tags: Character Study, POV Second Person, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, its the powdered snow I promise it’s nothing more than that, Pearl | PearlescentMoon-centric, Pearl | PearlescentMoon Needs A Hug, Minor GeminiTay/Pearl | PearlescentMoon, but it’s more implied than anything else, Can be read as /r or /p it works either way, 3rd Life | Last Life SMP Series-Typical Character Death, Only Winners Remember the 3rd Life | Last Life SMP Series, Pearl and her relationship with loneliness

Series: Part 2 of Life after Life (again and again and again

Summary:

“I wish I could have seen it,” she says with a dramatic sigh.

“No you don’t,” You don’t think before saying it, “That would mean that you’d have been in the room.”

“Hm, I guess that’s true.”

“Then you’d be on red and I’d be the only G left! We wouldn’t want that, now would we?”

~~~

Or, an exploration of the crushing loneliness that Pearl can’t seem to shake

~~~

https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/158976964

Or read it under the cut :D

~~~

It’s quiet. The night sky looms above you, as though it’s trying to crush you under its weight.

You don’t mind. You’ve always been more comfortable at night. Besides, the only alternative is the underground bunker.

You hate the bunker. It’s cold and dark, the walls feel like they’re closing in around you. Nothing like the warm and cozy basement of the cottage.

There’s footsteps behind you. You don’t need to turn around to know that it’s Cleo. You’re pretty sure she’s the only person who isn’t angry over your little stunt earlier. That’s ok. You don’t need them to forgive you.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” You gesture for her to join you. You watch as she clambers to your perch with the grace of a predator.

“Congrats on the kill.”

You can’t help but grin. It had been fun, leading everyone into that small room. Watching their faces morph into shock as they realized what was happening.

“Thanks! I’m still upset it didn’t get more people, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“Still better than some of the other traps we’ve seen.”

You think back about minecarts filled with explosives, placed in such a way that should have torn you to pieces long before you ever knew they were there. You think about Joel’s cries of frustration and rage.

You snicker. “That’s very true. I’ll have to remember to use minecarts next time.”

“I wish I could have seen it,” she says with a dramatic sigh.

“No you don’t,” You don’t think before saying it, “That would mean that you’d have been in the room.”

“Hm, I guess that’s true.”

“Then you’d be on red and I’d be the only G left! We wouldn’t want that, now would we?”

“Pfft, no of course not.”

You’re both silent for a moment, enjoying each other's company.

“Would you have still done it?”

“Huh?”

“If I was in the room. Would you have pushed the button?”

You want to deny it. To tell her that of course not, you would never do such a thing to your ally.

The words get stuck in your throat. You think about the way the curse had crept down your throat, forcing itself into your mind.

It had burned. An itch you couldn’t scratch.

You think of the overwhelming relief that had flooded your body when you were cured. Like breaching the surface after being held underneath the ocean.

You think you might understand why BigB did what he did.

Your hesitation rings out louder than any words possibly could.

You wonder if she’s going to leave you now. You hope not. You really hope not.

She’s staring at you.

“I… I don’t know.”

“Yeah, that’s fair.” What? “At least you’re honest.”

Your confusion must show on your face.

She grins and punches your shoulder a little bit. It’s playful. Kind.

“Don’t worry about it,” she says, “I already knew about the trap. I would have been able to survive it no problem.”

It takes far too much effort to keep your grin from slipping off your face.

~~~

You hate him. You hate him so much. Your skin burns from frostbite.

Good. That means his does too.

You don’t know why you feel so betrayed. You barely even know the guy. You’re… what, acquaintances? The word doesn’t feel right. But it’s the only one you have.

So why does this hurt so much?!

You’re alone. You hate being alone. He knows that you hate being alone.

There’s a nudge at your foot. You force yourself to look up.

Tilly is staring up at you. Shes probably worried about you. You’ve been sitting in the powdered snow for a while now.

Whoops.

You reach out your hand and stroke her nose. You don’t want her to worry. She’s all you have left.

“Sorry girl…” your voice is scratchy from disuse. It’s been a while since you’ve talked to anyone besides her.

She lets out another whimper and paws at the ground.

Oh. She’s trying to get to you. The snow is in the way.

You need to move. You need to pick up the snow. So that Tilly can reach you.

Yeah. You can do that.

You can bury your rage for a little bit. For Tilly.

~~~

And then you win. And your memories return full force. You think you might hate him even more now.

You don’t want to remember this. You don’t want to carry this burden.

You get it. You really do. He was lonely. He didn’t want to be the only one carrying the memories of your friendship.

You’re pretty sure it just makes everything worse.

He had known. He had known how much you despised the idea of being alone. You had told him!! Right before the curse had taken his yellow life, you had told him how scared you were of being alone!

And yet!! He left you anyways!!!

You hate him. You really do.

~~~

You swear to BigB that you’ll stay by his side. That no matter what happens or what he does, you won’t abandon him. You refuse to do that to him. To do that to anyone.

Because you aren’t a coward.

You ignore the way that Grian’s eyes burrow into the back of your skull after he joins your little team. You ignore the sympathetic looks that he keeps giving you.

You hate it. You hate that he knows you so well. Knows you better than you know yourself sometimes.

Because it’s not about BigB, is it. It’s about you. And how terrified you are of being alone again.

You know it just as well as he does.

Neither of you say a thing.

~~~

BigB dies. Scott’s the one who kills him.

You hate it. You hate him. You hate him.

You ignore his cried out apologies. You ignore the way that he looks truly pained. You ignore it all. You have to.

He looks like he’s going to cry when he stabs you through the heart.

You hate that too.

~~~

You almost manage to outrun the loneliness this time. Almost.

You thought you had escaped it when everyone had gathered in your little home for a giant sleepover. That you had chased it away with board game nights and laughter. That you had scared it off with stolen nights and secret meetings with Gem.

But then it catches up with you. For a brief, terrifying moment, it catches you. It wraps its arms around you and pulls you into its bitter embrace.

It finds you as you stare Gem in the eyes and she begs you not to do this. Not to kill her. Not to abandon her.

The world feels like it’s crashing down around you. You wonder if this is how Scott felt.

You think you might be shivering.

But then Scar puts his hand on your shoulder and you’re reminded where your loyalty lies.

Because you had made a promise to him. You had told him that you would stay by his side until the end. It was last minute, a deal made in desperation, but it was a promise nonetheless.

You had never made that promise to Gem.

Maybe you should have.

You’re forced to watch as Scar lands the final hit and she collapses.

You very nearly fall to your knees as well.

~~~

She hates you. She hates you and you don’t know why.

She says it’s to do with how you betrayed her last time. It brings up a whole other slew of questions, but you can’t find it in yourself to care about them.

All that you care about is the fact that she hates you.

Your first visit is made with the intent to help. You want to make sure that she’s doing ok, that she’s not freaking out too much.

Not that you really expected her to be. Maybe you just wanted an excuse to see her.

Instead, you’re met with hostility and anger. You’re told in no uncertain terms that she wants you gone.

It makes you want to sob.

You wonder if this is how Grian felt with Scar. If that’s why you see him glancing over at you with pity in his eyes.

Except— no. No, Grian had chosen to antagonize Scar. That was his doing. You had no say in this. You never wanted this.

You can feel the bitter chill of loneliness hovering above you.

Scott finds you crying after the first visit. You don’t need to say anything. He takes one look at you, curled up and pressed against a tree, and sits down beside you.

You know you look pathetic right now. You can’t find it in yourself to care.

There’s a small part of you that hates how easily he’s able to tell what’s wrong.

The rest of you… simply doesn’t care. You’re tired. You’re so tired. You don’t want to be alone anymore.

You lean down and rest your head on his shoulder. He pulls you into a hug.

It feels warm.

[diamonddaze01]

⋆｡°✩ n o t e : thank you to everyone who tagged me in this ( @sungbeam , @petrichor-han , @haologram)! took me forever to finally get around to it, but excited to share my wrapped for this year!

⋆｡°✩ on poetry and homecomings - yoon jeonghan

⋆｡°✩ n o t e s : my first ever fic! based on a quote by the fantastic palestinian poet mahmoud darwish. something about the words, "If I ever see a flaw of yours, I'd say my eyes are the flawed ones" made something in my heart twinge in the most beautiful way. a purely self indulgent fic i wrote after an exhausting work week, and suddenly, here we are, 3 months later.

⋆｡°✩ plan b-day - hong jisoo

⋆｡°✩ n o t e s : my last fic of 2024! a lil drabble for the loveliest boy. no real notes on this, other than i am sure that murphy's law somehow targets me 50000x more than the average human being. again, purely self-indulgent, but also a wonderful way to close out the year.

⋆｡°✩ baby, darling, light of my entire life - choi seungcheol

⋆｡°✩ n o t e s : the idea for this came to me after a crazy night out. though i myself have not gotten to this level of drunk yet, i definitely would scream about how pretty choi seungcheol is any day, any time. i was actually shocked when this blew up - it wasn't my favorite piece i'd written at the time, and i woke up one morning and it had skyrocketed from maybe 100 notes to upwards of 600 in one night. weirdly, i think this was maybe the third thing i had ever posted to this blog and it made me so happy that people actually enjoyed my writing. bdlomel, ily <3

⋆｡°✩ full throttle part i | full throttle part ii - yoon jeonghan

⋆｡°✩ n o t e s : oh, full throttle, what to say about you (i am combining both parts into one fic - the only reason there are two parts is bc tumblr is a bitch about formatting). there are few things that exhausted me, exhilerated me, enraged me, and made me feel as proud as i do looking at this finished fic. three weeks of non-stop writing every day after work, jotting down notes in the cleanroom and during lunch breaks, and storyboarding when i should have been sleeping culminated in most possibly the pièce de résistance of my year. i had so many people who cheered me on as i wrote this fic, battled through witty banter (that i myself could never say irl) and fiery headlines, but none cheered as loudly as @haologram and @ylangelegy. alta and kae were genuinely the wind beneath my wings as i wrote this, and reading their comments in the doc was what kept me going. in the end, i'm genuinely so happy with how full throttle turned out, and seeing the reactions i'm getting from it make me feel so fulfilled.

⋆｡°✩ the somerset affair - lee seokmin

⋆｡°✩ n o t e s : my first forray into longer fic writing (and i'm still battling my way through it, but we don't talk about that). if anyone knows me, they know how much of a Bridgerton fan i am - i quote anthony's speech on the daily, and penelope/eloise are some of my fav romcom heroines ever written (until they both get married, but again, we don't talk about that). i felt like writing this fic was my way to pay homage to this fictional world i adore so much. i have a love/hate relationship with the actual tone of the series - its so hard to maintain the regency tone and also write in a way that's true to my own voice, but at the end of the day it's a challenge i relish. i'm so excited to finish this series this coming year!

⋆｡°✩ 40 fics posted - check them all out in my masterlist!

⋆｡°✩ n o t e s : to be fair, a lot of these are drabbles i did for my 101 drabble prompt game, but fuck it we ball. maybe i'm just insane.

⋆｡°✩ ~133,470 words written

⋆｡°✩ n o t e s : again, i think i might be a bit insane. did a sacrifice sleep to write? yes. did i storyboard at work? also yes. but then again, it's been an interesting year to say the least, and writing was a really good way to blow off steam after a stressful day at work.

⋆｡°✩ some of my fav fics i read this year - please read the warnings on each fic and do not interact with smut if you're a minor! this is in no particular order:

⋆｡°✩ unforgiven [boo seungkwan] - @haologram ⋆｡°✩ catch you when i can [smau] [chwe hansol] - @xinganhao ⋆｡°✩ the first snow [hong jisoo] - @junkissed ⋆｡°✩ what are the vibes? [choi seungcheol] - @daechwitatamic ⋆｡°✩ red card [kim mingyu] - @highvern ⋆｡°✩ an ode to hands and voice [boo seungkwan] - @ddeonghwa-s ⋆｡°✩ take my word for it [yoon jeonghan] - @ylangelegy ⋆｡°✩ prey [choi seungcheol] - @pochaccoups ⋆｡°✩ sit down [kim mingyu] - @gyuswhore ⋆｡°✩ ave, general [lee jihoon] - @amourcheol

these are just a few of my fav fics i've read, but if you want to see all my recommendations - i suggest checking out @diamond-reads !

⋆｡°✩ goals for 2025

⋆｡°✩ on diamonddaze01: i have a lot of collabs coming up in 2025! i hope that i can meet all those deadlines and write things i'm proud of. i've also learned that writing longer fics like full throttle or somerset affair make me feel more fulfilled as a writer, so expect a lot more of them as i further explore my writing style and characterization. i also want to go back to some of my older wips that i abandoned and reopen them, see where i can go with a fresh mindset. ⋆｡°✩ personal goals: i have a lot, but to name a few: read more, laugh more, love more. i also want to focus on establishing a better work/life balance - i know already that the coming months are going to suck at work, but i no longer want to drag the weight of corporate life home with me. work is work, and that's where it will stay. i want to prioritize my mental and physical well-being over all else, and that starts with reprioritizing things like work, my social life, and writing.

⋆｡°✩ final thoughts

⋆｡°✩ i started writing on tumblr because i was stressed from work and felt like i didn't have a community, especially at a new job and a new city. what started as some stress relief turned into a community of its own. i'm eternally grateful that i was able to meet some wonderful people this year that i truly feel a sense of belonging with. to everyone in the networks i'm in, to anyone that reads my work, to all the lovely people i've met: thank you, and i love you.

⋆｡°✩ if you've made it this far, thanks for reading, and thank you for all your support. i love you all endlessly. it's time to sign off for 2024.

with love as vast as the stars themselves, tara <3

⋆｡°✩ tagging (but no pressure): @tusswrites, @chanranghaeys, @bitchlessdino, @ddeonghwa-s , @c-oupsie, @lovetaroandtaemin, and anyone else who would like to do this!

[popcornforone]

Be A Good Girl

A Detective Tim Rockford Fic

Day 5 of Pedrotober (Esquire Photo shoot prompt)

Masterlist

Day 5, the return of everyone’s sexiest Detective. If you’re not here for Tim Rockford, then I’m sorry I feel for you. I wanted to include Tim & thought this would be a very fun way to do it. Have him show all his sides & then have you hanging on his every word. & that Esquire look Pedro had going… damn. Could have used so many photos for this, but ended up just going for this one.

Synopsis:- Your photo shoot falters when your model is late, how can your hot boyfriend help out.

Word count:- 1200

Warnings over & above:- mentions of being tied up durring sex, talk of sex, persuasion, good girl & god cop bad cop kinks, handcuffs basically don’t let me write sexual tension for Tim Rockford it’s not healthy for me.

Thanks as always for the read peoples & please thank @alyssamariag & @norththelemon for the prompt list for the month.

There you sit waiting for the hot model to come in to do this month’s shoot for Esquire. The outfits are laid out & ready to go. The couple of sets & props are ready to have some 6ft skinny model pose on them that you then need to try & make hot as you know they won’t be your type of man. But he’s not arrived. You’re running out of time to do this, it’s important for both the magazine & your portfolio to get some photos done today, this is a huge deal. Esquire don’t usually ask someone like you to do a photo shoot for them.

Instead you sit there & wait. Your boyfriend had even tagged along today. He wanted to see exactly what his girlfriend of 6 months did. You knew all too well what Detective Rockford did. It was rare for him to have any relaxation time with work, but with no case to work on, without a real suspect yet, he decided to spend this afternoon with you. Not that he’s spending it with you. He’s in his jeans, which make his arse look like a delicious peach, & shows exactly what you get to enjoy every time you are with him. He’s got a white vest on under dark blue shirt, his jacket he left in the car. He’s got adidas trainers on too. But more importantly he’s playing with the make up artists dog, letting her lick his face as he calls her a good girl & she continues to play. Each time you hear the words good girl you gasp a little. Thinking about how he whispered those words into your ear last night as you came, the clinking of the handcuffs chiming in your mind as you pulled against them, the bed frame creaking . You got the good cop bad cop in the same night & he got to watch you hit back to back orgasms in 3minutes, making him cum so hard you thought he was going to pass out.

“Fuck baby” he growled. You’re busy thinking of this when your iPad lights up with a call regarding this shoot.

“Well it doesn’t look like he’s showing up”

You sigh after coming off a call with his agent & Esquire. Everyone in the room groans. Tim looks up slightly from the dog. His hair now slightly disheveled as he’s been rough with the dog. “Let’s not make today a complete waist of our time though I have an idea” you put your iPad down & run across to Tim.

“Baby this is a huge ask, but if you could grab that jacket to the left & find some boots over there in your size, can I photograph you, just so then Esquire know the look I wanted to go for, they then might let me do it for another month”

“Me?” He asks shocked. His head looks up, if you didn’t think your boyfriend was hot before, you did in this exact moment. Those eyes are smouldering. You can also tell my the radiating face that he’s secretly excited to be apart of your shoot.

“Yes you” you plead,”please baby. I’ll do whatever you want”

“Really?”

“Yes”

“really really?”

“Yes” he then steps into your personal space, moving that stay hair off your face & whispers into your ear.

“What I want is after the shoot, is for everyone to leave & for you to lay on that dirty mattress over their & for me to investigate what’s under your clothes”

“Tim!” Blushing crimson doesn’t match how red you’ve just gone that he’s said this in a room full of people. Yes he whispered it but it was in a seductive way. You’re aroused instantly.

“Can we do that” you pause & look at the smirk across his face. You tug at his belt, he’s getting excited. His jeans are always tight fitting but that outline is much more prominent than it was a few minutes ago.

“If I can’t get the mattress & props clear it up, I promise we can head back to yours to do a thorough inspection.”

“Good girl” he whimpers. You gulp & you receive a sloppy kiss on the cheek. He then walks over grabs the boots & a jacket & lays across the sofa, the dog coming up to sit next to him. “Let’s get this over with”

You take the photos, but your mind is thinking about what Tim will do to you later. He has no idea that you actually have matching pink lace underwear on today. Hed lie you on the dirty mattress or his own bed like a man possessed. Your head hearing his dirty words from the night before.

“You want it baby, you need it, good girl, such a good girl for your bad cop”

After a few photos you look down at your camera & flick through them. Tim stands behind you looking over your shoulder.

“Hmmm there’s life in the old dog yet” he says as he slips his hand inside your own trousers. You hear the sigh as he feels the lace from your underwear & you hope no one else heard it.

“Thank you Tim, that means the world that you did that”

“Hmmm so when do you get to come to my work for work experience” he asks as costume ask for the jacket & boots back & he has to remove his hand from your arse.

“I’m not sure the police department would like that”

“Don’t care” he says bluntly now back in his trainers but he hasn’t put the blue shirt back on he’s just in that white vest. Your hands instinctively move to his muscular arms. Stroking and caressing each inch of him. Vests don’t usually do it for you at all, you prefer a man in a suit, but damn he’s rocking it all today. Neither of you are caring about the room being cleared around you “your my girl & if I want you for some hands on help, by god you’ll be in my office assisting me”

“Just assisting?”

“Orally”

“Obviously” you snigger. “Cos good girls…” you pause & tug on his belt”are obedient”

“& bad girl…” he reply’s he tugs at your hair”… know they don’t need permission” his lips vilonly crash with yours. That large hand goes around the bottom of your neck. You don’t care if he’s been licked by a dog all afternoon, he still tastes of Tim as your tongue entertains his, & he pushes his groin, hardening still, into your thighs. A small whimper escapes your lip.

“Take me home Detective” you moan when your eye lids eventually flutter open & realised the room is all but cleared. “I think I need you to work out what I have in store for you”

“Oooh beautiful” he moans & he scoops you into his arms & starts to carry you towards the door “if your let me give you a strip search, I’ll let you cum while your tied up, so be a good girl baby”

[blueraineshadows]

Chapter 15

Sebastian Sallow 🔺️ F!MC 🔺️Leander Prewett

12k words. Chapter Master List and Ao3

Tags: NSFW / torture / physical injury / sexual scenes / angst / dark magic

Chapter 15: Love's the Death of Peace of Mind

MC

She had not seen it coming. 

Still rattled by the suspicious robed woman in St Mungo’s, MC had been so eager to get back to Sebastian, the weight of feeling like something could happen pressing on her chest, that she had been distracted. She should have been more prepared, more aware, but when she Apparated into Sebastian’s tent and saw the bed empty, her first thought was not to take out her wand, but to feel a sense of panic. The last 24 hours were beginning to take their toll, and she had been wallowing in her own whirlwind mess of emotions, exhausted.

The camp executioner was a big man, tall and solid, but he could still move with the stealth of a cat. His large, gloved hand had smothered her mouth from behind, his arm wrapped like a crushing snake around her, pinning her arms to her sides as they  Disapparated from the tent. There was no time to take a breath let alone shout a protest, and when they landed, she barely struggled in the executioner’s iron grip, a cold wind whipping at her hair. 

Shock had her rigid, but as she was roughly spun about with the turning of the executioner, her eyes landed on the Sallow twins on the ground. Anne was bound and gagged, Sebastian desperately clinging to her whilst shaking, his face a harsh grimace of pain. Her shock still rang in her ears, but she began to struggle harder against the executioner’s hold, fear creeping like a vine along her spine. 

“There she is,” Rookwood said, stepping into her view. He gave her a reproachful look. “We have been waiting for you, sweet one. Where did you slip off to in the dead of night? Your little bodyguard claims he didn’t know.” 

MC yanked at the hand covering her mouth, quickly trying to get control of her fear as she glared at Rookwood. The executioner freed her mouth, but his hand didn’t go far, it slid down to her throat, clamping it with just enough force to keep her still. She gulped against the leather clad vice, instinctively trying to suck in bigger breaths. She flinched as Rookwood stepped up really close, his hand sliding up her thigh and slipping her wand from its holster. He wiggled it before her eyes with a smile. MC eyed her wand, but kept her mouth tightly clamped shut, her magic already beginning to pull and surge in her blood.

“I’ll be keeping hold of this for the moment, if you don’t mind,” he said smoothly. “We wouldn’t want any more little slip ups like before. Luella is still most upset about her boots.” 

MC’s gaze glanced across to where Luella stood, her wand aimed down towards Anne. She had a different pair of boots on, her coat stylish and clean, hair neatly pinned. Her smile was smug, eyes glittering with triumphant malice as she looked down at Anne. Sebastian held his twin closer, his hands shaking. MC could see the fear in his eyes, but also his fury. 

“What did you do to them?” MC demanded, glaring at Rookwood. 

Rookwood strolled towards the twins, relishing the moment as he nudged his boot against Sebastian’s side. Sebastian flinched, gritting his teeth as he whined in pain. Anne struggled against her bonds, snarling like some kind of beast. 

“Think of it as a warning,” Rookwood said, turning to flash a smile at MC. “I’m not too pleased with how things seem to be happening around here. I thought perhaps a bit of leverage might be in order. I find people are far more cooperative when they have an incentive. Everyone has their weakness, MC. Even you.” 

Fighting against the tremble in her limbs, she tried to twist against the solid mass of the executioner, but a low chuckle rumbled in his chest, and the grip he held on her throat gave a subtle squeeze. “Easy now, little kitten,” he purred near her ear.

Revolted, MC almost gagged, her eyes watering against the chokehold and the stinging chill of the wind. Her magic bubbled and sparked along her veins, a pressure building in her chest. 

“I am doing as you asked,” she gulped, her hands gripping the thick forearm of the executioner. “We found deposits. That’s what you wanted.” 

Rookwood spun to face her fully, stepping up until she could feel the full force of his icy glare. “I did not ask for your impertinence,” he hissed. “You dare to issue orders to me, insult my flesh and blood. Let’s not forget who feeds you, provides shelter to you. You may hold ancient power in your grasp, but without me you are nothing. Just an ex prisoner the Ministry would seek to control. I offer you the chance to become more than what you are, and you disrespect me and mine.” 

MC narrowed her eyes knowing full well that he intended to strip her of everything she had, but she kept her silence. The whispers of her own insecurities began to echo in her head, that feeling of being nothing and nobody. Still trying to grasp who she truly was, Rookwood’s words scraped along sensitive wounds. Her gaze dropped to Sebastian on the ground, the rigid pose of his limbs. She knew how that felt. The torturous, blistering pain. She could see the frustration and fear in his eyes, and knew he would hate feeling so powerless. 

“Why bring them into it? What more do you want?” She asked, craning her neck against the choking grip.

Rookwood leaned even closer, lifting a hand to drag a finger down her cheek. His finger was cold, but smooth. Flinching, she tried to turn her head, but the executioner held her firm, her whole body now shivering with cold and fear. 

“Don’t…don’t touch her,” Sebastian grunted. 

Rookwood’s smile was cold and cruel. “And there it is,” he said softly, stroking her cheek. His eyes wandered lazily over her face. He was far too close. Her heart pounded painfully. “Loyal, protective, Sallow. A man so willing to step foot inside the black walls of Azkaban to retrieve a girl who murdered his own blood, and not for one minute does he seek revenge on you. A man who insists on staying by your side, no matter how menial the task. We find you in his tent, in his bed. You are not just old school chums. I think he has feelings for you, my sweet. Does he love you? I think the real question here is, do you love him?” 

Rookwood grasped her chin, her face and neck now claimed by two ruthless men. She gasped and stared up at him, gritting her teeth against the scream of fearful rage that was building in her throat, her magic blistered but she fought for control. If she let it explode, she could hurt the twins on the ground close by. It would also reveal that she could unleash it without her wand.

“Look at her left hand, father,” Luella urged, her boots scraping on the rough ground as she moved to crouch beside Sebastian, her wand still aimed on Anne. Sebastian cried out as she seized his left wrist, his limbs painfully sensitive to touch, turning his palm upwards to reveal the neat, red welt of his scar. “See? A wound that never fully heals, and she has one to match.” 

“The plot thickens,” Rookwood smirked. His fingers ghosted down her left arm, making her cringe back against the executioner. As MC tried to pull her arm away, Rookwood wrapped fingers like iron around her wrist and wrenched her hand up and out. She made a fist, her eyes stinging with tears as she glared at him. 

“Get off me,” she spat. 

He ignored her, turning his gaze towards Luella. “How sad that she isn’t playing nice,” he said, his voice laced with mocking woe. 

Luella smiled and calmly cast Crucio. Anne screamed against her gag, her whole body arching viciously, her head thrown back. Sebastian screamed, too, trying to comfort his twin, ripping his arm from Luella’s grip to hold Anne. 

MC might hold a bitter resentment towards Anne, but the sight of her twisted agony made her wince, a stray tear sliding down her cheek. Sebastian’s horrified scream echoed in her ears. “Alright, alright,” she gasped, unfurling her fist to expose her left palm. 

Biting back a whimper, she watched as Rookwood traced his cold fingers across her own red scar, his eyes lit with gleeful curiosity. “Such lovely, soft skin you have,” he crooned. “To mark such beauty shows real commitment. I have heard of these blood pacts, but to see one cast in such a young witch is fascinating.” 

MC could hear the twins sobbing on the ground, her own body so rigid, frozen in the moment as she stared at Rookwood. She had known that all this had been too easy. 

“What did you promise him, hmm?” Rookwood asked, tilting his head. “Is it something hopelessly romantic, such as never ending love? A fool’s game if you ask me, destined for failure, and failure isn’t an option when it comes to these pacts. No, I think this was perhaps something a little more in keeping with Sallow’s need for control. He found something pretty and shiny, and never wanted to lose it. Am I right?” 

MC glanced down at Sebastian, saw him stroking his sister’s hair. Anne lay limp in his arms, her breathing laboured. Much more torture, and perhaps she would die. Her physical state was already weakened by her curse. But, then she met Anne’s eyes. Brown eyes so like her twin brother, glaring up at MC from where she was held against Sebastian’s chest, lids narrowed as they blazed with ferocity. No. That bitch had an inner strength that made her cling to her pathetic life with a death grip, her stubbornness matched only by the twin she seemed determined to control. 

Hardening her gaze, she glared at Rookwood. “I can only assume you know little about love,” she said flatly. 

Rookwood laughed, his shoulders shaking as it bubbled up his throat. He let her go, twirling around, arms out as he laughed at the sky. “Ah, but there is nothing quite like the bold and heedless recklessness that comes from young love,” he crowed, theatrical as ever. “And that is where your weakness lies. Your feelings towards young Mr Sallow will be your undoing.” 

The words slid along her spine and settled in the pit of her stomach like a prophecy of doom. Everywhere she turned, it seemed there would always be reasons to doubt her connection to Sebastian. Ominis had warned her, Anne had sent her to prison to keep her from him, Leander begged her to choose him with those soft eyes of his. Solomon had tried to kill her. 

Every choice she made, every path she took, there had been pain and darkness. Magic had been her light, a self discovery that offered hope, and Sebastian had been like a conduit. Born with Gaunt blood in her veins, but somehow destined to be entangled with a Sallow. To whatever end. 

“I wouldn't expect you to understand,” she choked out. “Just say what you want and be done with this.” 

“Always so cold and to the point, aren't you?” Rookwood mused, rubbing his chin. “It's all rather easy, really. You do as I ask, or I shall be forced to use leverage.” 

“What kind of leverage?” 

“Well, let's play a little game, shall we?” Rookwood grinned. He gestured and Luella dragged Anne up off the ground, Sebastian trying to crawl after her. “Oh, look at her, poor thing. Don't imagine for one moment that I don't recognise you, little bird. How's that curse feeling? Cooking along quite nicely, I expect.” 

Anne struggled and growled behind her gag, Luella smirking with smug glee as she held her firm. MC couldn't help but wonder what Anne would say if she could speak. Sebastian crawled jerkily towards them, but Luella put out her booted foot, pressing it against his forehead before shoving him back to the ground. 

Rage swept over MC and she twisted harshly in the executioner’s hold, choking as he restrained her. “Leave him alone,” she hissed.

“I do love it when my toys fight back,” the executioner murmured into her ear, squeezing her throat in warning. “Keep wriggling like that and I might start to enjoy you.” 

“Fuck you,” she said harshly, pulling on his forearm, horror creeping over her flesh at his body pressed against hers. 

Rookwood chuckled. “Hurt him again, Luella. I don’t think she liked that.” 

“With pleasure,” Luella said silkily, aiming her wand down towards Sebastian where he was trying to get back up onto his knees. “Crucio!” 

Both MC and Anne yelled in protest as Sebastian fell to the dirt, flickers of red sparking along his frame as he screamed. His throat sounded raw, hoarse, his fingers like claws as he tried to fight the pain. Flickers of memory danced behind MC’s vision as she recalled the pain of that curse. The darkness of the Scriptorium, Ominis sobbing quietly, and the dusty bones of Aunt Noctua resting uneasily in the corner. Anne was thrashing like a wild cat, screaming in rage behind her gag as she watched her brother twist in agony on the ground. MC was tearing at the executioner’s fingers around her throat as she yelled through her restricted airway. 

“Stop it! I’ll do what you say! Just stop it!” Tears were now streaming down her cheeks. 

“See? Isn’t it all so easy when everyone understands the rules of play,” Rookwood said, utterly calm and unfazed at the torture unfolding at his finely polished, booted feet. “I make a request, and you oblige me. Failure to do so will mean pain for those you care about.” 

“What more would you request of me?” MC asked warily. “You already have me seeking deposits, what more would you have me do?” 

Rookwood’s smile was slow. “I want you to absorb that repository under Hogwarts. The huge vessel of power that Ranrok wanted. You’re going to go down there and take it.” 

MC stared aghast, her blood freezing in her veins as she pictured that shimmering darkness in the cavern beneath the school. She could have taken it into herself back in her fifth year, but she had stepped away from it, repulsed by the swirling mists of other people’s pain, stolen against their will. What good could ever come from absorbing such a thing? In that, the Keepers had been right. It should never have been made in the first place, no matter how good Isadora’s intentions had been in the beginning. 

Anne began spitting venom behind her gag again, fighting with whatever strength she had left, her eyes glowing like hot coals of vicious hatred towards MC. Rookwood chuckled and glanced between Anne and MC, his head tilting slightly. “Is it just me, or does my little cursed one not like you much, MC?” 

“What gave it away?” MC muttered, glaring at Anne and wishing she would just shut up. Revealing too much was dangerous, it only gave Rookwood more leverage to play with. 

“Isn’t she the one who testified against you before the Wizengamot?” Luella asked, gripping Anne by the hair in an attempt to hold her still. “Unlike our dear Sebastian down here, this Sallow twin clearly isn’t so forgiving about the murder of their uncle.” 

MC clamped her lips together, refusing to take the bait, her eyes dropping to Sebastian who was groaning into the dirt, his body twitching with aftershocks. 

“Ah yes, this is interesting,” Rookwood said, narrowing his eyes and twirling MC’s wand in his hand thoughtfully. “Perhaps we ought to play another little game. Untie Mrs Gaunt, if you would, and give her a wand.” 

MC’s pulse quickened and she stilled, her eyes widened as Luella obliged. Immediately, Anne yanked her gag free of her mouth and snatched her wand from Luella’s grip. “Are you happy now?” She hissed, staggering forward and aiming right at MC. “This is all your fault, but nobody would listen to me when I warned them about you. Not Seb, not even my Ominis. The only one who understood was Uncle Solomon, but he is now dead. Because of you. You and your poisonous magic.” 

“Anne,” Sebastian whimpered, rolling stiffly on the ground. “No…” 

Rookwood was lit up like Christmas in the Great Hall, watching with fascination as Anne advanced on MC. MC swallowed tightly under the choking grip, her eyes fixed on Anne’s wand. Surely, Rookwood wouldn’t let Anne hurt her. He needed her. To her shock, Rookwood stepped forward and held her own wand out towards her, a malicious grin on his face. 

“Stop her, little bird,” he urged, his voice like silk. He held out her wand, handle first. “It wouldn’t take a lot, she’s hanging by her last thread. Make her suffer for the way she speaks to you. Demand her loyalty. It’s a lesson you must deliver on your path to greatness, MC. You deserve so much more respect. Take it. Show her.” 

MC felt her lips tremble as she stared at her wand, her hand already reaching out for it. The burn in her blood was a rushing, fearsome force. A blend of her ancient magic, her bitter desire for revenge, and her blood bound promise to never turn against Sebastian. To hurt Anne, was to hurt him. If she hurt Anne, she would suffer the consequences.

“Expelliarmus!” 

The spell shot from Anne’s wand, snatching MC’s wand and sending it flying through the cold, morning air. It landed and rolled across the dirt, Rookwood turning to Anne in surprise. Anne was intent on her course, her gaze fixed on MC, ignoring Rookwood’s protest as he held up a hand towards her. MC struggled in the executioner’s grip, the man mountain not even flinching as Anne’s first cast hit MC near her hip. The stinging burn was breathtaking, and she gasped, her knees buckling. If she wasn’t being held, she would have gone down. 

MC felt the pressure in her chest expand, her eyes glowing with blue and white flames, and the world seemed to slow down. Both Rookwood and Luella made a lunge for Anne, arms outstretched. Sebastian was dragging himself across the dirt, his face so pale and grim with pain. If she didn’t do something, her body was going to sizzle up in the furnace of her emotions, boiling with the urgency of her magic as it raged under her skin. Just like in Azkaban, when the Dementors had been about to take Leander, her magic exploded out of her control. 

The first blue lightning bolt struck the earth between MC and Anne, the glare of it blinding hot, the crack of its impact deafening. Anne was blown backwards into Luella, both women sprawling out across the ground. The executioner staggered slightly, but didn’t let her go. MC didn’t have the time to appreciate the awestruck horror on Rookwood’s face as the second bolt of lightning struck, this time taking out the executioner. MC felt the sizzle of the blast on her flesh, her ears ringing from the impact as she was thrown to the ground. Pain bloomed down her side as she rolled, but she got to her knees, gnashing her teeth against the burn as she scrambled to snatch up her wand. 

Bolt after bolt of searing blue lightning struck the earth, scorching the ground and filling the air with the scent of burning. The executioner lay still, the flesh of his face steaming, and MC gagged as she threw herself at Sebastian. He wasn’t moving, and terror filled her as the air crackled and burned around them. She shook him, grasping his face with one hand. The ringing sound in her ears blocking out the screams of Anne and Luella as they resorted to cat fighting in the dust. 

Sebastian’s eyes opened to look up at her, hazy and unfocused, but he reached out a shaking hand towards her face. It was enough. He was alive, and he was her only priority. Grasping him to her chest, MC closed her eyes, fighting against her exhaustion as she Disapparated, leaving the chaos of the clearing behind. 

Leander

After managing a light breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast, Leander sat propped up against the pillows of his hospital bed as he sipped a cup of tea. He had watched the dawn break through the window, the sky lightening with shades of pink and autumn gold against a backdrop of the London skyline. The pain in his head had receded to a dull ache that had almost gone, his ribs were still tender but well on the mend. He didn’t need anyone to tell him how lucky he was to be alive. 

Ivy had filled him in on the events of their capture and escape, her eyes burning with curiosity whenever she mentioned MC. Leander kept his feelings to himself, unwilling to reveal just how close he had become to MC despite the Auror’s offer of help. So caught up in the knowledge that MC had risked everything to save him, Leander had taken a while to find sleep after Ivy had departed. Loving MC was a complicated and painful process, each step forward resulting in a stumble back, only to be yanked forwards again. She may insist that they could never have a future, but something deep in his bones told him that she felt something for him. He kept that little flicker of warmth safely tucked away in his heart, nurtured it, savoured it. Even if it came to nothing, maybe it could be enough just to know that she had dared to feel something for a man like him. 

Daydreaming into his tea cup, he jolted when his hospital room door opened and a nurse swept in, her pale green robe swishing softly as she approached the bed. She had black hair with strands of grey threading near her ears, pale blue eyes that seemed to appraise him with a calm curiosity. A new face, seemingly kind and warm as she paused beside him. 

“Good morning, Auror Prewett,” she said, her smile quick and bright. He couldn’t help but stare at her. There was something vaguely familiar about the shape of her eyes. “How are you feeling today? I read your notes. You took quite a beating by all accounts.” 

“I’m feeling much better this morning, thank you. I count myself very lucky indeed. They weren’t kidding when they said that designated Auror beds were a necessity,” he said, placing his tea cup carefully onto the saucer. A crease appeared on his brow. “Have we met before?” 

Her smile was there and then gone again, like the flicker of sunlight on a cloudy day. “No, we haven’t met before,” she said, gesturing towards his arm and holding up her stethoscope. “May I?” 

“Oh, of course,” he said, giving himself a mental shake. He had been staring, and a hot blush stained his cheeks as he placed his tea on his bedside table and offered her his arm. Her hands were warm and gentle as she rolled up the sleeve of his hospital gown, and with a quick flick of her wand, he felt the tightening band of pressure about his upper arm. She placed the stethoscope against the inside of his elbow and checked a little watch pinned to her robe. 

Leander felt himself staring at her profile again, noting the gentle slope of her nose, the constellation of beauty marks near her ear. There was a captivating beauty about her that pulled strongly with recognition. He felt like he knew her in some way.

Her pale blue eyes shifted his way, and her mouth curved upwards. “Your heart is beating rather quickly, Auror Prewett, and I can feel your eyes staring right into my soul” she said softly. “It’s nice to know I can still turn a head.” 

His face burned with shame. He slapped a hand to his forehead. “I’m so sorry. Please…gods, forgive me,” he spluttered, cringing at himself. “I didn't mean to stare, it’s just…well, you remind me of someone. Someone special.” 

Her eyebrows lifted and she released the pressure on his arm, rolling down his sleeve with deft fingers. “The young lady in your life?” She asked. 

He nodded, and then frowned, looking back up at her questioningly. She smiled again, fussing with his bed sheets, smoothing them neatly. “I was here through the night,” she said. “I saw two young ladies visit your room. One of them was your colleague, and she did not fall asleep holding your hand, unlike the other one. That one is very pretty up close, nothing like the unflattering prisoner photograph printed in the Daily Prophet of her, for sure.” 

Leander shifted in the bed, rubbing the back of his neck, a sinking feeling settling in his stomach. “You recognised her?” 

The nurse paused in her work and gave him a piercing look. “You won’t receive any judgement from me, Auror Prewett. We are all human after all.” She moved back up towards the head of the bed and checked his pillows, her hand firm as she placed it on his shoulder to settle him back against the plush softness. 

“You called her someone special,” she said, furtively glancing at him. “I get the feeling that she thinks rather highly of you, too. She cried at your bedside before falling asleep.” 

Leander felt his pulse quicken, his senses kicking up a notch as he studied this nurse a little more closely. He tucked that little nugget of information away to savour over later, for now, his Auror trained mind was edging towards suspicion. “Who are you?” 

“Call me… Beth,” she said, a curious little smile on her lips as she moved away from the bed. 

Her hesitation was enough to suggest that the name had been plucked from the air. He leant forward slightly, concern etched on his features. “You’re lying. Why are you asking about MC? Did Rookwood send you?” 

Panic flared in his chest and he gripped the bed sheets, preparing to launch himself from the bed. She hurried forward and placed her hands on his shoulders, her pale blue eyes wide. “Do not fret,” she said quickly and quietly, glancing over her shoulder towards the door much like MC had done when she had been here. “I mean no ill will, nor do I wish any harm upon your young lady. I’d rather die than be a soldier for Rookwood. He is a stain on the earth.” 

“Then, who are you really?” He demanded. 

Something in her gaze softened as she stared back at him. “You are a good man, Auror Prewett. I’ve done my research on you. An honourable man, and I give you my thanks. You take care of her. She is safe with you.” 

Leander could only stare, his lips parted. The pieces to the puzzle were floating within his grasp, he just needed to slot them into place. Her smile was warm as she stepped back from the bed. She nodded at him. He had known as soon as she walked through the door, hadn’t he? It just took some time for his brain to catch up with itself.

Her eyes, her smile, the black hair… She even had beauty marks on her face like Ominis.

“Wait,” he called out, gripping the sheets again. 

Her hand was on the door, opening it. She turned back once, their eyes meeting in a strange, but final understanding, and then she was gone. Goosebumps spread swiftly along his arms as he stared at the now closed door. He felt like he had seen a ghost, but that nurse had been no ghost. 

Beth.

Elizabeth. 

Elizabeth Gaunt. 

He had just been visited by MC’s birth mother. She was definitely alive. And she knew about MC, she had been watching them both, and he had just let her walk out of the door. 

Sebastian 

The warmth of the bath water seemed to envelope him, soothing over skin that felt raw and sensitive as though he had the flu. His hands still had a tremor, but the worst of the shaking seemed to be over. Sebastian winced as he leant back in the cast iron tub, trying to allow himself to relax, but fear held his insides in an icy vice. 

Rookwood had Anne. If they were all still alive that is.

A shudder rattled through him as he recalled the horror of every moment laying in the dirt whilst pain ripped through him, but his fear for Anne had been greater. To see her twisted with the same pain had torn him in two. Closing his eyes, he could hear her screams, the whole sky alight with blue fire, the same fierce glow burning in MC’s eyes. Blinking away tears, he pressed his hands to his face and took a few steadying breaths, panic beginning to swell in his chest. He hated feeling this weak, this powerless, but he would take all the pain he had to if it meant keeping it from Anne.

He stared at the unfamiliar walls of the bathroom, the dark wood panelling and cast iron fireplace where a crackling fire blazed for warmth. Pale sunlight streamed through a window catching the dust in delicate sparkles as they danced in the air. This house was aged and unused, bought with old money. Gaunt money.

He could hear the muffled sound of voices from the other room, Ominis and MC, still bickering, still unable to come to any sort of agreement. When MC had brought him to Ominis and Anne’s house, the fallout had been on a scale Sebastian had not seen since the day of the catacombs. Ominis went from being anxious about Anne’s whereabouts, to downright livid with rage when he discovered what had happened. Sebastian felt certain he had blacked out through some of it, the uncontrollable shaking and the unbearable pain stealing all rational thought from him. When he had come around again, they were no longer in Anne’s kitchen, but miles away amid the peat marshes of Norfolk, safely away from prying eyes in Noctua Gaunt’s riverside house. 

Weak, and exhausted, Sebastian had slumped on the settee as potions were poured into his mouth, MC’s hands carefully smoothing back his hair with worried glances. Ominis had paced, muttering and pressing his hands to his ears, reliving old horrors as MC recounted the torture. It seemed the darkness would never recede, it would always be there waiting in the wings to claim them, and for the first time, Sebastian felt a deep and true sense of guilt and shame. For so long he had walked the darker path, shrugging off the consequences of his actions, but to feel that pain, to experience first hand the true horror…

Sinking lower into the bath water, he let the burn in his eyes succumb to tears until his shoulders shook with his sobs. How much more of this could they take? How much more could he take? The weight of it all crushed over him, dragging him under until he felt like he would never breathe clear again. 

But, he still had to fight. He had to keep the game in play. Now, more than ever. He had to get his sister back. 

The click of the bathroom door made him look up. MC peered around the dark wood, her face pale and drawn, her eyes dark. “I just thought I would check on you,” she said softly. “Are you alright?” 

He didn’t think he would ever feel alright ever again. “I’m feeling better,” he nodded, managing a weak smile. 

Her teeth worried at her lower lip as she studied him. “Ominis left for the Ministry. He is going to report Anne as missing,” she said, still lingering behind the door. “Harrington is going to be all over this. I should contact Leander, too.” 

“If it means they get Anne back home, then maybe that’s a good thing,” he sighed, shaking his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe I just said that.” 

MC pushed the door a little wider. “May I come in?” 

Sebastian reached a dripping wet arm out of the tub towards her, his fingers splayed outwards. “Come here,” he said, his voice low and hoarse. 

Closing the door behind her, she moved carefully across the floorboards, putting a hand to her side as knelt beside the tub, taking hold of his hand. 

“Are you hurt?” He asked, frowning in concern. 

She waved him off. “I’m fine, don’t you worry,” she insisted, pressing her lips to his palm, over and over. “You’re cold,” she grimaced. She reached to dip her hand into the water, her eyebrows lifting in surprise at the heat of it. 

His smile was grim. “Must be that cold blood of mine,” he said darkly. 

She met his gaze. “You are definitely not cold blooded,” she whispered. “Too hot blooded for your own good sometimes, if anything.” 

He watched her through lowered lids as her gaze dipped to his chest, travelling slowly downwards where he lay back in the water. He made no moves to cover his modesty, watching with curiosity as a flush of pink coloured her cheeks. She cleared her throat, blinking rapidly as she averted her eyes, swiping back loose strands of hair. It put the beginnings of a fire curling in his belly to see that spark of desire in her eyes, to know that she still wanted him, even if she did try to hide it.

She had bathed and changed, too. Wearing a blouse of snowy white, it contrasted with the midnight ebony of her hair. There were dark smudges of exhaustion under her eyes, her cheekbones still looked too sharp, and tension lingered around her mouth, but she was beautiful still. His heart ached for her in ways he could never explain but he didn’t move as her fingers stroked his hand. She slid them slowly over his skin, tracing over his wrist and along his forearm until she came to the tally of black marks he had cast onto his flesh. Her fingertip brushed over them as she frowned. “What is this?” 

“A mark for every soul departed by my own hands,” he admitted, swallowing thickly. She met his gaze, dark horror shadowing her face. “I don’t want to forget what I have done, MC. I carry the memory of them always, a reminder of my shame. It never gets any easier to carry the burden, and that’s how it should be.” 

“Oh, Seb,” she whispered, staring down at the black markers. Her horror turned to sadness, her eyes glassy and pained. 

“Don’t cry for me,” he said, touching a knuckle under her chin. “I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you, either. All those marks on my skin are a stark reminder of all the bad shit I’ve done, but I would do it all over again, every single one, if it means that you and Anne are safe. I love you both. I would do anything for you, anything at all, but that’s my choice. So, don’t cry for me.” 

“You don’t have to carry this alone,” she said, her chin lifting in that stubborn way of hers. A determined gleam lit her eyes and she leant against the edge of the tub. “Once upon a time, you and I used to do fucked up shit together. For whatever reason, fate put you and I on the same path. I think it was set in stone long before we were both even born, and even when events try to separate us, we find each other again.” 

The seriousness with which she spoke made his heart clench, his pulse kicking up and fluttering in his neck, but he tilted his head and fixed her with one of his mischievous little smirks. “Careful, now, sweetheart,” he teased, trying to keep things light. “That sounds awfully romantic. Are you going soft on me?” 

“Someone is feeling better,” she said sourly, her brow creasing slightly. 

A hoarse chuckle left his lips and he tugged on her hand, needing her to be even closer. The bath water sloshed as he brought his other hand up to touch her jaw, his humour fading into raw honesty. “I always feel better when I’m with you,” he said. “Like you just said. Fate brought you to me, and I’m not letting you go without one hell of a fight. Rookwood was right about one thing. I did find something beautiful and precious, and if I’m selfish for trying to keep it, then so be it.” 

He sat up, the water sloshing noisily as he met her gaze nose to nose. “You’re mine. Body and soul. Bound by blood, bound by darkness, bound by the souls we have sent into Death’s hands to keep each other safe. I know it’s fucked up, MC, but it’s ours. I’d rather face all of this with you beside me than alone. You are the only one in the whole world who understands.” 

She nodded, leaning her forehead against his. “That’s why I’m going back,” she said, meeting his gaze. “I’m going back to Rookwood, and I’m going to find Anne. Not for her sake, but for yours, and for Ominis.” 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” He frowned, apprehension stiffening his already tortured muscles. “Give me a few hours and I can go back myself.” 

“No,” she said firmly, placing her hand against his wet chest. “You need proper rest after what happened back there, and I don’t want you anywhere near Rookwood right now. I’ll go. Anne may hate me, but she won’t have a choice. She knows something, Seb, and I want to get it out of her.” 

He gave her a dubious look. “Good luck with that, Anne is more stubborn than I am.” 

“And that is saying something,” she smirked, her fingers gently digging into the solid flesh of his chest. His skin tingled harshly in protest, still raw, but he bore it. Anything to keep her hands on him. 

“You’re lucky I’m still weak and shaky, sweetheart,” he said, curling his fingers into the front of her blouse, his blood heating in slow, flickering pulses. He pulled her closer, his mouth barely grazing hers. He heard her soft gasp and smirked. “Keep sassing me with that smart mouth of yours, and I’ll be dragging you into this tub with me. I’m certain I could find another use for it.” 

He waited for the bite back, a smart comment, maybe she would shove him back down into the bath with one of her stubborn little looks, but she didn’t. Her hand slid slowly down his chest, fingers splayed, blistering heat following in a lazy trail as she dragged her fingernails gently across his stomach. His muscles contracted, pleasure and lingering pain sparking like tiny bites in his flesh, drawing a whimper from his mouth. Her pupils dilated, and he was entranced, caught in her gaze. Utterly in her hands. 

“In your state, I don’t think you could handle me,” she murmured, the low tone of her voice sending a shiver down his spine. 

“I’d happily die trying,” he gasped, his words more a desperate moan as her hand slid lower, fingers teasing at the edge of dark, curling hair. His dick twitched eagerly, hot blood rushing to swell him with an aching throb, the wet, silken tip grazing against her forearm. His eyes rolled, lips parted in a stuttering breath of sheer, teasing pleasure. Her mouth was a hot sin, her tongue so soft as she slid it over his lip. For a few blissful seconds he thought he might forget the pain as she kissed him, losing himself in her taste as desire blazed against the lingering ache in his muscles.

He trembled, one hand grasping the rolled edge of the iron tub as she reached for the bar of soap, and he watched with bated breath as she lathered it up in her hands before slowly spreading it downwards over his torso, the frothy bubbles swirling through the trail of dark hair around his navel and lower. He groaned and lay back in the water, biting his lip as the blend of pleasure and pain her touch conjured sung across his skin. 

“Am I hurting you?” She asked, her hands pausing at the apex of his thighs. 

“No…yes,” he whimpered, a crease appearing on his now sweat beaded brow. Desperation had him breathless. “Don’t stop.” 

Her slow smile did things to his insides, made him quiver with anticipation as her hands encircled his length, slippery and soapy as they glided up to the tip and all the way back down again. He didn’t even recognise the sound of the moan that left his own mouth, his pelvis lifting upwards from the base of the tub to chase the exquisite sensation of her touch. His head lolled against the tub edge, all rational thought eradicated as she worked with deliberate, slow strokes. 

“Good?” She murmured, watching him with dark eyes, a delicate pink flush highlighting her cheekbones. 

“So…so good,” he rasped, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the edge of the tub. 

Heat was pooling thick and fast at the base of his spine, every muscle and sinew strung to their tightest point as tremors of flickering pain lingered in his limbs. He would have thought that the effects of the curse would have killed his desire, but no, he wallowed in the tub as pleasure and pain blended into one mind blowing sensation. He never knew how delicate the balance could be between two very different sensations, but put them together, and he was dangerously close to climax after a few delicious strokes. Of course, it helped that it was MC’s deadly little hands doing the fucking. 

She picked up her pace, two hands fisting with just enough pressure over the head of his dick to have him bucking greedily, chasing the blistering peak with desperate, breathless moans. It took all of his remaining strength to cling on to the edge of the tub, with one hand he moved to reach for her, needing to feel her, but gasping he clamped onto the tub once more as she slid one soapy hand lower to cup his aching balls. 

“Fuck,” he panted, staring up at the white washed ceiling now, sweat streaking down his neck, a vein throbbing at his temple. What was that he had said about dying happy as he tried to keep up? 

The pressure in his lower back expanded, waves of heat rolling outwards as his balls tightened. So violent was his release, he cried out, almost blacking out as he coated his chest and her arm in impressive amounts of cum. The bath water rolled in mini waves after the shuddering arch he had made with his back. Sinking back down to the bath base, he panted, trying to reassemble his scattered thoughts with his eyes closed. Exhausted wasn’t the word.

He heard MC washing her hands off in the water, felt the soft swipe of a wash cloth against his chest, but he remained still, lungs burning with every deep breath. Only when he felt gentle hands take hold of his face did he crack open his bleary eyes. She smiled at him. 

“There, that’s better. You feel much warmer now,” she said, smoothing a thumb over his heated cheeks. 

“I fucking love you,” he mumbled. 

She huffed in amusement through her nose and bent down to press a kiss to his forehead. “I think I quite like this submissive, well behaved Sebastian. Can I keep him?” 

“Don’t get used to it,” he warned, but his words were no more than a soft mumble. He lifted a shaky hand and touched his fingertips to her lips. “Once I’m back on my feet, I’m going to put you on your back and repay the favour.” 

“I shall hold you to that,” she said, kissing him softly on the mouth. Then she stood, fetching a clean towel that hung on a rail. She held it up. “Let’s get you out of there and into bed. You need rest.” 

He wasn’t even sure he could stand. The day's events slammed into him, the post climax glow making his muscles feel loose and sated, but the horror of earlier still clung to him. A lurking darkness hung over his head, but a deep, glowing sense of warmth settled in his chest at her words. The promise of more. It was in her smile as he clung to her, his legs shaking as she helped him out of the tub. It was in the way she touched him, the softness in her voice as she towelled him off and pressed kisses to his flushed skin. She was finally coming back to him, and this time, he wouldn’t let her down. 

MC

Only when Sebastian was settled in sleep could she gently let go of his hand. She had tucked him into the freshly made four poster bed, ignoring his requests for her to climb in with him. They had compromised with her sitting beside him, their hands clasped as he began to drift. Staring down at his face relaxed in sleep, it struck her how vulnerable he seemed. So used to his cocky smirk and hands on approach, it gave her pause to see him weak and soft like this. 

It reminded her of those dark days after Solomon’s death when Anne had abandoned him, her heart contracting with pain to recall the nights spent wide awake in horrified tension in the Undercroft. So much pain and suffering seemed to find them both. 

She watched the delicate flutter of his closed eyelids, the steady rise and fall of his breathing beneath the soft bed sheet. Alive. It struck her deeply how terrified she was of losing him forever. To use his own words, he was the only one who understood. To lose him would mean loneliness with cutting finality. 

When she had found him in the bathtub, his eyes red from crying, the urge to take his pain filled her with longing. If she probed that thought deeper, perhaps she could understand the lengths that Isadora had dared go to erase pain from others. MC didn’t think she could ever go as far as that, however, and when she had seen Sebastian naked in the water, her own body had fancied a rather different approach. It still gave her shivers to think of how he had moaned, her hands coaxing him to pleasure, pushing back his shadows and reinforcing that connection between them.

If he was indeed fated to be her undoing, then so be it. She was in too deep now, connected to him in ways inexplicable, but rooted so far into her soul that it seemed impossible to imagine her life without him in it. 

Is this what they call love? As a teen she had believed it so, but had never been entirely sure. She held a strong affection for Leander, cared about him, but it could never be like this. It brought a tear to her eye to contemplate such heavy thoughts, the web of emotions thick and binding in her chest. As she stared down at Sebastian in his sleep, she supposed she really must love him if she was preparing to go and seek out his stubborn, vicious mouthed sister. 

Slipping quietly from the bedroom and closing the door, she wandered the old house that had once belonged to Noctua Gaunt. Ominis had brought them here where nobody would think to look for them, allowing Sebastian to recover before they made any other moves. Considering his rage, Ominis had been rather gracious. As she awaited his return from the Ministry, not wanting to leave Sebastian alone, she began to pay more attention to the house around her. After all, Noctua had been her aunt, too. 

The furniture and decor held a charm of its own. The house was reasonable in size, and yet it felt like a home despite years of being empty. Cosy and welcoming, the house was nothing like she had thought to expect from a Gaunt, but then Noctua had broken the mould when it came to her family. The art was light and pleasing, seeming to favour themes of flora and landscapes. MC trailed her hands against fine curtains and plush cushions, her boots crossing delicately woven rugs. 

Opening a door, she came across a room lined with many bookcases, a leather settee placed before a cast iron fireplace. A bureau style writing desk was placed against one wall, above it hung a portrait of two dark haired girls and a stern faced boy. MC moved closer, noting the resemblance to Ominis in their faces. First, she stared at the boy, likely Ominis’ father. There was none of the gentle nature in his hard eyes that she had come to know about Ominis. The set of his mouth was cruel, even at a young age. She guessed Mr Gaunt to be around fourteen in the picture, his arrogance apparent in the way he placed his hand on the back of the chair where the smallest girl sat. 

The older of the two girls had to be Noctua. MC had seen a portrait of her before that Ominis had shown her not long after their visit to the Scriptorium. It was the smaller girl in the wing backed chair that made her pulse quicken, her throat working as she studied the delicate features of the raven haired girl, sitting so straight backed and yet demure as she posed. A proper lady at approximately eleven years old.

“Hello, mother,” MC whispered, seeing her own blue eyes reflected back at her in the painting. They had the same shaped nose, the same hair. She found herself longing to know how she moved, the sound of her voice. What would it feel like to hear her laugh? It brought a lump to her throat. 

Pressing her fingers to her cheeks, she could see with her own eyes the similarities in her features to those of the three Gaunt siblings. If Ominis had been able to see, would he have noticed long before just how much she looked like his relatives? It chilled her to think that his family would have seen her photograph in the newspaper. Would they realise? But then, she remembered what Ominis had told her. That he had always believed his Aunt Elizabeth’s daughter long dead. 

Pushing back against the burn of tears, MC turned her attention to the fine writing desk, smoothing her fingers over the lid before carefully pulling it down. It made no creak or groan as she lowered the writing table, everything inside neatly stored, the wood finely painted with floral designs on the drawers and pigeon holes. Quills and bottles of ink, neat stacks of correspondence and notes, envelopes and a wax seal with the Gaunt family crest were all stored here. MC picked through the various items, not really reading any of the private letters still kept, until her gaze fell upon one that gave her pause. 

Her fingers shook as she held the parchment, her mouth going dry as she sank down into the antique chair placed before the bureau. 

My dearest Noctua, 

I felt compelled to reply to your recent letter at once. I fear that I may already be too late, but if I am not, then please…you must do nothing. You know how Father is. He would cut you off, or worse, he would see you cold in the ground before you betray your blood. Do not fret for me, sister dearest. I made my choice. I could never regret my love for William, and I already adore the babe that grows within me. He, or she, will be the light of my life, and if I need to run in order to protect my child, then that is what I must do. William and I plan to marry at the first opportunity. We shall go to Gretna Green to become handfast. It will be the start of a new life for me, away from the dark corners of Gaunt manor, and the wickedness that pours from Father’s wand. 

I shall remain, as ever, your most loyal and loving sister. I implore you again to be careful, and I beg that you press a million kisses to baby Ominis’ cheeks. 

Love always, your sister, Beth x 

This glimpse into her mother’s world only threw up more questions. What happened? How did a woman so intent on her new start manage to disappear, and the light of her life ended up in an unforgiving children’s home in the poorest part of London? Where was her father now? This William her mother spoke so fondly of. And how did Solomon Sallow fit into all of this? 

MC read the letter again before returning it carefully to the collection of letters in the desk, thumbing through the rest to see if she could find any more. Tucked to the rear of the desk was a rolled parchment, a broken wax seal displaying a circular symbol she had never seen before. Unrolling it quickly, she scanned the inked words and the mystery deepened. 

It was addressed to Noctua, and it spoke of a matter discussed at a previous meeting, however the details were not mentioned here. The sender of the scroll was signed only as Head of the Circle, whoever that could be, and they claimed that Elizabeth was safe and well. MC studied the document, noting the neatly scribed words, the delicate designs drawn at the top along with the words ‘The Circle of Avalon.’ 

Sitting back in the chair, MC let her hands drop to her lap, her gaze staring off across the room as she considered this. She had heard Avalon before, and she dredged through her memories as she tried to remember where. Sebastian would likely know, but she was loath to wake him yet. He needed to recover his strength. As she pondered this Circle of Avalon, the nagging feeling that she needed to talk to Anne hung over her. It didn’t appeal, but that stubborn bitch knew something, and she was hiding it from both her and Sebastian. 

Turning to the desk, she pulled out her secret communication parchment that she shared with Leander and smoothed it out on the table top. Tapping her wand to it, a single sentence appeared in his neat script. 

We need to meet as soon as possible. Lee x 

Expecting this to be about Anne’s disappearance now being known, MC took up a quill to write her request for Andrew Larson to look up The Circle of Avalon in the Ministry files, and promised to meet with him soon to explain. There was something she needed to do first. 

….*….

Time slipped into late afternoon by the time Ominis arrived back at Noctua’s house, his face drawn into one of tight fatigue. MC had been standing out on the back terrace, looking out over the river as the sun began its descent. The sky was a glorious sweep of golds and pinks, the Norfolk landscape a flat marshland as far as the eye could see, broken only by the many windmills scattered here and there, and the odd late sail boat making its way through the broads. 

“You’re still here, then,” Ominis said, holding out his wand, the tip blinking red. He could not hide the downward turn of his mouth, his grimness understandable. “Where is Sebastian?” 

“Sleeping,” she replied, pulling her cloak closer around her shoulders as she moved to stand before him, wincing at the bruising to her ribs. “Now that you have returned, I thought to leave him in your care. I intend to return to Scotland and see if I can’t find where they are keeping Anne. How did it go at the Ministry? Did you speak with Harrington?” 

“Harrington has put out an alert about Anne’s disappearance. From what I can gather, Prewett will be released from St Mungo’s this evening. I’m sure they will want to speak with you,” he said, fidgeting slightly, rubbing long fingers against his forehead. “Perhaps I ought to warn you. I also spoke with my brother whilst I was in London. We don’t tend to stay in touch, and so the meeting was rather strained to begin with before I even mentioned Anne. He is a despicable human being, much like my father. However, Marvolo is in cahoots with Rookwood, and I want my wife back.” 

“What did he say?” MC felt a shiver start at the back of her neck. As curious as she felt about her blood family, she had hoped to avoid Marvolo as much as possible. 

“He claims he knew nothing about Anne being taken, and quite frankly he didn’t seem to care,” Ominis scowled, his mouth a tight line. “He seemed more interested in how Sebastian took his torture, and if you were compliant in Rookwood’s game play. My distress has always been a source of enjoyment for him, I can’t see how this will change anything.” 

MC placed a tentative hand to Ominis’ shoulder. He immediately tensed under her touch, but she kept her hand there. “I am sorry, Ominis, for whatever part I have played in this mess. But, I want to fix it. Anne may not like me, but she means a lot to you and Sebastian, and you both mean a lot to me.” 

“You will do the evil that Rookwood asks of you?” He asked, tilting his head, his pale eyes luminous in the light of the setting sun. 

“Hopefully it won’t come to that,” she said, letting her hand slide from his shoulder. “I can’t promise there won’t be anything dangerous about this, but it is the path we find ourselves on. Just make sure Sebastian stays here. He needs to rest, and I don’t want him anywhere near Rookwood until I know the state of things. I’m not having his death on my conscience.” 

“Nobody should have any deaths on their conscience,” he said bitterly. 

“In a perfect world, perhaps, Ominis,” she said sadly. “I shall take my leave, then.” 

Her boots scraped against the stone flagging underfoot as she took a step back. Ominis reached out a hand and grasped her sleeve, his fingers clenched tight. “Be careful. Come back to us.” 

The expression on his face brought a lump to her throat. “I promise,” she whispered. 

Slowly, he let her go, his shoulders seeming to carry a heavy weight. With a last glance back at the house, MC Disapparated out to the cluster of trees near the Ashwinder camp. 

The shadows were long and creeping as she stepped through the carpet of leaves, wand in hand. It was quiet. Too quiet. A chill wind rustled the canopy above, and she pulled her cloak closer as she peered around the trunk of a tree, a sinking sensation made her stomach clench. The camp had gone. The clearing ahead had been filled with pitched tents and cook fires, chatter and even some singing filling the air, but now, it was barren. Evidence of stamped out fires and flattened wild grass where tents had stood were all that was left. The Ashwinders had moved on and she had no idea where. 

Slumping against the tree she considered travelling to London and paying a visit to the Black Rose. Someone there would be able to tell her the new camp location, but that would risk word getting back to Rookwood that she was looking, and she had been rather hoping for subtlety. Perhaps that was Rookwood’s plan. Frustrated at being stumped at the first instance, MC sighed and rubbed her face. She would have to go back to Norfolk and ask Sebastian if he had a clue how to find them. 

A twig snapped to the left of her and she spun, wand out, but couldn’t see anyone in the rapidly descending darkness. On full alert now, her pulse quickening in her ears, she stared wide eyed into the trees. It could be an animal she supposed, but the hairs had lifted on the back of her neck. She didn’t feel alone. 

The flickering beam of a spell shot through the shadows, catching her off guard. Jumping to one side, she yelped as the sensation of coiling rope wrapped around her calf, slithering easily to bind both of her legs together. Losing balance, she thumped down into the bed of leaves with a cry of pain as she crushed her already sore ribs. Gasping against the winded feeling, she wriggled into a sitting position to aim at the binding curse with her own wand and release it. Strong hands grasped her shoulders, dragging her back to the ground and pinning her there, face down. Her spell scorched through the crispy leaves, missing its mark.

“Well, would you look at that? I’ve only gone and caught myself a cute little bunny in the woods.” 

MC twisted her head to try and see who it was, the voice vaguely familiar, furiously trying to buck against the hands holding her down. “I wouldn’t get too cocky,” she grunted. “This isn’t over yet.” 

He laughed, leaning down until she could feel his breath against her cheek. His cologne was fresh, citrus scented, and his fingers massaged into her muscles. “I love a feisty bunny,” he said, his mouth close to her ear. “We have to stop meeting like this, chosen one. Why are you always lurking in dark places? Oh yes, one should always expect that you are up to mischief. That was what you said, wasn’t it?” 

Her breath left her in a gasp, leaves fluttering at her nose. “Rosier?” She squeaked. 

“We meet again, MC,” he chuckled, rolling her onto her back. 

Leaves were caught in her hair and there was a fresh smudge of dirt on her cheek, but her eyes flashed indignantly as she stared up at his handsome face whilst he knelt over her. Even in the deepening twilight you could see the fine cut of his jaw and charming smile, his dark blonde hair swept romantically to one side. Her hands clenched. She hated being taken at a disadvantage, and had the urge to slap his smug face. 

“Release your spell,” she demanded through gritted teeth. 

His smile widened. “You’re lucky you Apparated into my surveillance patch, love. Otherwise you would be dealing with a lot worse than a little binding hex.” 

“What do you mean?” She frowned. 

He bent closer. “Rookwood expected you to come back, so he set watchmen to wait for you,” he said. He tilted his head, his eyes curious. “I’m surprised to see you alone, though. Where’s Seb?” 

“After what he went through? You seriously expect him to be up and about already?” 

Rosier’s face fell, no longer cocky, but serious. “He’s hurt?” 

MC studied him, unsure if he was bluffing. “Rookwood didn’t brag about his little torture show?” 

“No, he did not,” Rosier said tightly. His hands let go of her shoulders as he shook his head in annoyance. “Rookwood didn’t say an awful lot, to tell the truth. Is Seb alright?” 

Perhaps Rosier’s concern was genuine, but MC didn’t have time to debate it out. Whilst he was distracted thinking about Sebastian, she sat up, using her momentum to slam into him and take him by surprise. He grunted and lost his balance, falling sideways into the leaves. Her legs were still bound, but she threw her weight on top of him, aiming down at the ropes, and cast quickly. The ropes disintegrated, and as he grabbed her by the arms, she fought back, swinging her leg over until she could straddle his chest. She pressed a hand to his throat making him choke, forcing him to still, her wand tip pressed into his cheek. 

She smirked down at his surprised face. “I told you not to get too cocky.” 

His eyes gleamed as he smiled. “Nice moves. Sallow’s girl through and through, ain’t you, love?” He said, his throat bobbing under her palm. His gaze swept down over her, his eyebrows lifting up playfully. “This is quite the view, though. Can’t say I’m complaining.” 

Narrowing her eyes, she pressed the tip of her wand deeper into his cheek. “Keep it in your pants, Prince Charming,” she warned. “Look all you want, but keep your hands to yourself.” 

He groaned and bit his lip. “Merlin’s balls, you’re turning me on, love. Didn’t I tell you?  I love a feisty bunny.” 

She gaped at him and he laughed, his hands wrapping snugly around her wrists. “Relax, love. I’m messing with you. Seb would have my bollocks on a platter if I so much as laid one finger on you. He ain’t the revealing type, likes to play his cards close to his chest, but he has got it bad for you. I can tell.” 

She looked pointedly at his hands around her wrists. “You’ve laid more than a few fingers on me so far. A little daring for one who seems overly confident about his dick appeal. Maybe I should platter you up right now, hmm? I don’t need Seb’s help for that.” 

A delighted bark of laughter escaped him. “Oh, you are delicious. There will be no need for that, though. What can I say? I love a good game of flirting, and you are far too lovely to pass up on the opportunity for a spot of banter.” 

“You call tackling women to the ground flirting?” She wrinkled her nose in disapproval. 

“I couldn’t risk you disappearing on me now, could I?” He said, grinning ear to ear. “You’ve got that all powerful ancient magic thing in your favour. I had to give myself at least a little fighting chance.” 

She eyed him carefully. “So, what’s the plan? Are you to take me to Rookwood now that you have caught me?” 

“That is what he wanted,” Rosier said, attempting to ease her hand from his throat. “Care to do a man a favour, and come quietly?”

She gave his throat a gentle squeeze. “What if I won’t go willingly? I’m not too impressed with his performance earlier this morning. He made me watch as he tortured Sebastian and his sister in the dirt. Rookwood can go fuck himself. What do you say to that?” 

Rosier was quiet for a moment, considering her words. “Sebastian’s sister?” 

“Yes, his twin. Anne,” MC nodded. She frowned as a look of stunned realisation swept over his face. “You do know about her, right?” 

“Anne is Sebastian’s twin? I had no bloody idea!” He exclaimed. “Seb never really spoke much about his family. He always got cagey whenever the subject came up. When Rookwood mentioned this girl, Anne, I had no idea of the connection.” 

“What did Rookwood say about her? Do you know where she is?” 

She felt him swallow under her hand, his eyes wary as he spoke. “What makes you think I would know that?” 

“Sebastian will start ripping heads from necks if Rookwood has done anything to hurt his sister,” she said. 

He nodded awkwardly, still holding her wrists. “I can quite imagine it.”

“You and Sebastian seemed friendly enough. You shared a tent after all. Is there any honour amongst thieves?” She asked, shifting her weight on him. 

His eyes narrowed. “What are you asking me?” 

“I’m not going to let you drag me before Rookwood. There has been enough of that for one day,” she said bitterly. “I want to know how loyal you are to him. You may be buddies with Sebastian, but I don’t know if I can trust you.” 

“How about I prove my worth to you?” 

“I’m listening,” she said, tense and ready, her wand still pressed to his cheek. 

He cleared his throat and she eased her grip a little. “I know where Anne is. But, if you think you’re going to just waltz in and get her out, you’re mistaken. Luella is the keeper of the charm holding the house, and like I’ve warned you before, she isn’t a bitch you want to cross.” 

Hatred made MC’s skin crawl as she thought about Rookwood’s entitled bitch of a daughter. “I’ve come face to face with a few bitches in my time, Rosier. Luella Rookwood made her first mistake thinking she could put her hands on Sebastian. She picked a fight with the wrong woman when she pissed me off.” 

Rosier flinched back, letting go of her wrists as he stared up at her. “What the fuck is that in your eyes? They are glowing blue.” 

Her smile was slow as she dragged the tip of her wand down his face. “A reminder not to fuck with me,” she warned. “I still don’t trust you. Ashwinders are aptly named. Slithering snakes born out of chaos, spreading your flames until you’re all burnt out.” 

“You’ve made your point,” he said, swallowing hard. “Let me up, and I’ll take you to where Anne is being held. There isn’t a lot of honour amongst thieves, but Seb has always had my back and I’ve always had his. You can trust me on that.” 

“Time will tell, I guess,” she said, releasing her hold. Keeping her wand at the ready, she got to her feet, hesitating for a moment before holding out her hand towards him. “If this is some kind of trick, don’t think I won’t hurt you. I didn’t get sent to Azkaban for making daisy chains.” 

He eyed her hand, and then smiled as he took hold of it, allowing her to haul him up. He got to his feet, brushing loose leaves from his coat. “I’m only a fool when it comes to bedding pretty women. When it comes to survival, I know which side of my bread is buttered, love.” 

Now that he was back on his feet, his face held that ridiculously charming smile. She figured that smile could be dangerous to the unsuspecting victim. He made you want to smile back, the smoothness of his voice a clever ploy to lure you in. 

“So, where are we going?” She asked, expecting it to be somewhere like Rookwood’s old family estate, or maybe even somewhere in London. 

“Hogsmeade,” Rosier said, holding out his arm like a fine gentleman escorting his lady. “Shall we?” 

He returned her look of surprise with another disarming smile. She hoped to gods she didn’t regret this, but slipped her arm through his under the shifting shadows of the trees, that gut twisting tug behind her navel making her gag as they vanished. They landed on the windswept, craggy hill above Hogsmeade, the tall pointy roofs of the village spread out below them under a shroud of misty rain. The lights appeared like yellow, hazy glows, and in the distance stood the huge, hulking mass of Hogwarts. A magical, slumbering giant under low, heavy clouds. 

Rosier held a finger to lips and pointed to an abandoned building clinging to the edge of the rocky hillside, the flickering light of a candle dancing in a low level window. MC creased her brow in memory. She had been here before, a long time ago. Rosier took out his wand and cast the Disillusionment charm, his form vanishing in the misty rain. MC swiped at the dampness gathering on her cheek and did the same, apprehension settling in her chest. 

A hand sought out hers, warm fingers clasping firmly, but gently. “Follow me,” Rosier whispered. 

To be continued...

Tagging: @eternalremorse @slytherin-paramour @writing-intheundercroft @evaslytherpuff @loving-him-was-red13 @sevprince-91 @lucy-withthediamonds-inthesky

[r0w0fie]

Update on the CK situation:

I'm shocked I'm saying this but, instead of Carnivorekitty giving it some time to settle down & to use that time to grow . . He just deleted/deactivated his art accounts???

His Tumblr has been deactivated & his Ck twitter account has been seemingly deleted. The Lurking for Love twitter account is still up.

Edit 2: his art twitter is still up but the tag have been changed & the account privated. Any use of the direct link to the old tag doesn't work, hence why I thought it was possibly deleted.

He has changed his now deactivated Tumblr name to "don't make your fanbase on here" which says alot . . .

His Carrd has also been cleared out, including the Toyhouse account. Although his Ko-fi & Itchio are still up. You can see a preview to the old links in the second screenshot below.

Edit 1: his carrd has also been deleted now

He has renamed his previous Carnivorekitty twitter account to yeehawcrow and has privated it.

The background image was changed after the situation. This is just another jab at his fanbase, same as all his other account name changes.

His Niwi account, the one with the transphøbia & -ism interactions, is still up but has been privated.

The name change is still up which shows that he still stands by his views. Do with that info as you will, just no harassment towards said account please & thanks.

I hope this is the last time I have to say anything or update people on the issue.

Some personal thoughts & feelings under the cut ⬇️

I am now further disappointed with Tom. I do not know if he said anything before deactivating, like a farewell or a "will be back eventually".

If he had of simply given it some time, let the dust settle, realign his mental state and then try to figure out why this was so hurtful to his fanbase. He could of had a chance to return & continue on; if he wanted too.

Of course, not everyone would be happy to see him return. Not everyone would even interact with his accounts or be willing to be in the fandom again. But it was still an option, especially if he uses this as a learning opportunity, not just for past fans or present fans, but for himself.

I personally won't be supporting Tom unless some serious growth & acknowledgment is shown. Unfortunately, I don't think thats going to happen any time soon due to the examples & links above. It might never happen or it might take months/years.

I hope Tom is safe & I hope everyone else is safe aswell. Make sure to look after yourselves & reach out to those you trust if you're not doing too hot xx

For now I will change my hyperfocus from Jacob & co onto other games & characters. It hurts to do so but there are so many good peeps out there & we shouldn't be afraid to trust them. I hug anyone who now is because of this situation 🫂

I will forever be into Milo (@/solarchaotica's oc) & will be getting back into LoveLock so I can bully my fave character Walter even tho Seb is the fan fave lol

My personal feelings on all of this? It's shitty.

People defending all of the horrible evidence, without saying they don't agree with aspects of these "questionable" simply because they want to defend CK; is shitty.

People putting things in other people's mouths, is shitty.

People burying their heads in the sand because they want to ignore it all; is shitty.

People giving excuses, even excuses as to why they are ignoring this issue or ignoring certain parts of this issue, is shitty.

People who genuinely support these types of beliefs, only joined in because they're genuinely phobic & aren't even in the L4L/murdersim community; is shitty. (& Yes I've seen it happen)

People who harrass anyone involved, Tom himself, is shitty.

People who use this as evidence to defend other past users actions, is shitty.

People who lash out their hurt through nasty words & ill wishes upon others, is shitty.

People who say anything about Tom or others ky$-ing themselves, are super mega shitty like wtf??? Don't do that???? I only saw one person but still????

It's all just super mega shitty and I hate it so much and it hurts so much to see other people be so so hurt and just aaahshsgskxbdjfb. I cried the first day, not because of my personal feelings, but because of others talking openly about how hurt this made them. Seeing my friends be hurt. Strangers be hurt. Mutuals be hurt. I could still cry if I let myself dwell on it for too long.

I wish things could of ended up better. When I posted on the situation I tried to tell peeps to keep an open mind & to look after themselves. I just hope this is a learning experience for alot of people.

[triplexdoublex]

Let Go (Chapter 1)

Paring: Jaden Hossler x Landon Barker

Tags/Warnings: blonde Jaden, dual POV , internalized homophobia, homophobia, religious gulit, scent kink, masturbation, mentions of Coopers death,

A/N: Breaking this long ass fic into chapters as requested. Landon’s 20 as this takes place last year.

Landon

Ever since Jaden started working with my dad and signed to his record label, our house has become his second home. And with a new Album in the works, Jaden’s been here more than usual lately, recording with my dad in his home studio until late at night. Most nights after recording he just crashes here. Despite the house having numerous guest rooms, Jaden usually opts for sleeping in my room.

The first time my dad introduced me to Jaden the two of us clicked right away and quickly became best friends, so I don’t mind the company; in fact I might enjoy it a little too much.

Jaden

After a long , but productive day of recording it feels great to just chill and play some video games in Landon’s room before we go to sleep. Landon’s sitting cross-legged on his bed just scrolling through social media, while im sitting at the end of the bed kicking serious ass in Call of Duty. I honestly love that about our friendship, how we can be doing totally different things at times and yet still enjoys eachother’s company. And there’s never any need for annoying small talk or pressure to feel like either of us have to keep the conversation going. But at the same time we can talk to each other about anything and everything. The only other person I was able to do that with was Cooper. Fuck, I miss him, man. His death broke me, and although I’ve been getting help and healing I’m not sure I’ll ever be fully put back together, but I’m trying. It’s part of the reason why I crash in Landon’s room almost every night. Besides it being easier than going back home for the night, staying with Landon makes feel less alone and keeps me from getting lost in own head. He’s been a big help with adjusting to life in LA too, Moving from the south to LA a few years ago was a bit of a culture shock for me, and I don’t know what I would have done without Landon in my life to guide me through it. I seriously love him so much…No Homo. Ugh, I wish I could stop feeling the need to think or say shit like that anytime I compliment or express how much one of my male friends mean to me. Growing up in a Conservative Christian household in Texas and Tennessee will definitely do that to you. I’ve definitely grown as a person and have become more open minded and accepting since moving to LA. I’ve met and worked with some of the coolest people, a lot of which are from the LGBT+ community, including some of my fans—who i adore more than anything. I’m tying my hardest to let go of the homophobic ways of thinking that’s been ingrained in me from my life in the south and Christianity, and for the most part I have. I even joined an inclusive church out here but something about it still makes me uncomfortable for some reason and I can’t quite put my finger on it, and why I have the insitent need to make sure no one assumes or gets the impression that I’m gay, because I’m not, I’m totally straight.

Landon

I’m bisexual, I’ve known that for some time. Maybe bi-curious is more accurate? I don’t really know. All I know is as far back as I can remember I’ve found both women and men attractive, I thought everyone did. It wasn’t until I was like fourteen and one of my friends asked me if I liked the outfit he had picked out for the first day of freshman year, and I told him I thought he would look cute in it, and he asked me if I was gay? I never gave it much thought before, with LA being one of the most LGBT+ friendly places in the United States, I never really had to, it didn’t matter. But after that I found myself wanting an answer to that question too. And with some unsupervised computer time and a bottle of lotion, I quickly learned that I was, in fact, at the very least, bisexual. And although I never actually developed any crushes on my male friends or felt the urge to experiment with them, the glow of the computer screen in my dark bedroom at night became a routine, became like NyQuil to me. I’ve kept it to myself all these years, never feeling the need to come out as it was more of just a guilty pleasure and I was content with not taking it further in real life, but that all changed one day this past year while playing basketball with Jaden in the LA heat. I was about to go for a slam dunk, when Jaden jumped right in front of me, arms up, blocking my shot. The sweaty musk of Jaden’s underarms fighting its way through his fading deodorant took me by surprise. I don’t know if it was his pheromones or what, but I would have bottled the scent and doused myself with it until I drowned, It was that intoxicating. I wanted more, wanted him, his sweat, his smell, his body, his everything— fuck, I wanted Jaden.

Jaden

I’m about win Call of Duty when out of nowhere I get shot.

“Fuuuck, I was sooo close,” My body falls back in defeat, my head accidentally landing in Landon’s lap. “Oh shit, dude, sorry!” I quickly sit back up, but Landon stops me.

“It’s fine,” he says “I don’t mind. You’ve been playing that game all night. Just relax.”

“O-ok, you uh..” I scratch the back of my neck, “You sure?” I question, but I’m laying back down before he even answers.

My brain is overflowing with confusing thoughts: Is this normal? Do guy friends do this type of stuff? Is this cuddling, it certainly feels like at least a form of cuddling. And my body seems to be responding the same way as it does to cuddling; I feel safe and comfortable and a little warm inside. I’ve only cuddled with girls though. I didn’t know you could cuddle with your guy friends too? And that’s like acceptable? I’m still learning where the line between anti-toxic masculinity and being gay crosses or if that’s even a thing? But one thing is for sure, LA and the South have VERY different opinions on what’s considered gay.

What’s considered gay in the South: looking at another guy for more than two seconds, hugging another male (a quick pat is all you need), giving a guy a compliment, having excellent hygiene— hell I know some guys that don’t wash their ass cuz ‘it’s gay.’

What’s considered gay in LA: Actually being gay. So since I’m straight I guess this is okay? I hope so because I hate to admit that I really like this.

Landon

Don’t touch his hair, don’t get hard, don’t touch his hair, don’t get hard .But fuck it’s all I wanna do. I’ve had this fantasy many times before except usually he’s face down in my lap, my fingers lost in his hair as I palm the back of his head.

I shake my head to clear the image from my mind like an Etch-a stretch.I hate that sometimes my desire for him is so strong, I think about him in ways I know he wouldn’t approve of. It feels like betrayal, it feels wrong. He’s my best friend, I don’t like hiding this from him, but I know, he would be disgusted with me if he knew, I mean wouldn’t anyone, gay, bi or not? Imagine finding out the person you trust the most has been secretly getting off to you. I do my best not to give into the temptation, but how can I not when he’s gone at the studio all day and my bedsheets still smell like him.

I shouldn’t but I do, I let my fingertips flirt with pieces of his bleach blonde hair— my absolute favorite look on him by the way— aimlessly twirling small tuffs as Jaden searches through Netflix for something to watch. In the short time it takes him to choose something, my fingers have found themselves even deeper, my nails lightly grazing his scalp in a circular motion. I half expect him to tell me to stop any second now but when he lets out a small moan, it’s me who stops.

Jaden

“Holy shit, man, I’m sorry. I-I just got way too relaxed there for a second,” I blurt out in embarrassment the second I feel Landon’s hand pause in my hair. It was kind of an odd thing for him to do in the first place, and at the beginning, my old ways of thinking started creeping back in, but then I noticed my body slowly relaxing into his touch. We’ve spent so much time together lately, I think he’s just stating to know me better than I know myself, because after a long day in the studio, relaxation, is exactly what I need

“No worries,” Landon says with a small chuff of laughter “Everything’s all good bro. You really gotta stop apologizing tonight.” He starts scratching my scalp again but then pauses once more. “Do you want me to stop?”

“Actually, umm i-if you don’t mind doing it just a little longer, it’s really helping me unwind before bed.”

“Of course,” Landon agrees.

Landon

And now he’s asleep in my lap. God, he’s so beautiful, I could stare at him forever; his flawless skin, jaw so sharp it could kill a man, his full pink lips just slightly part—nonooonoo, fuck, I gotta get him off me before my dick wakes him up first. I cradle the back of his head with my hands and gently lift him from my lap, replacing my body with a pillow. He’s on my side of the bed, so I have no choice but to sleep on his.

Not even five minutes into being on his side I know there’s no way I’m getting any sleep, because despite being tired, part of me is very alert right now. I can’t control it, his smell is all around me; the sheet under me, the blankets on top, and don’t even get me started on his pillow— I can see the TMZ headlines now: ‘Landon Barker dead at 20! It appears the son of Blink182’s drummer, Travis Barker has died from accidentally asphyxiating himself with a pillow.’ I’d bury my face in it and forget to come up for air.

There’s only one thing I can do to fix it, it certainly isn’t gonna go away on its own. This time I allow myself to think of Jaden as I tug on my cock because I know it’s the quickest way to finish; alternating between pretending my tight grip is his mouth and his ass. I get too lost in the fantasy and before I can stop myself a breathy “Jaden,” tumbles from my lips…

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

finished my rewatch of gravity falls today so here's some random thoughts i wrote down over the course of the last few episodes (sure most of this has been mentioned already but eh. no harm in repeating things):

-could you imagine how differently things would've gone if any of the pines members knew about ford's nightmare (especially stan)

-ford visibly shaking from how hard he's digging his fingers into the floor (referring to the security droid grabbing him)

-ford almost dies three times before bill actually captures him

-'i haven’t been able to find grunkle stan anywhere' was stan not at the shack at that time or did you just not consider checking his house

-a full limerick for 'man from kentucky' wasn’t allowed, but onscreen death is??

-shapeshifter wink + mabeland fake wendy wink

-why is the unicorn half petrified? what caused the gnome to be mostly petrified, but not quite? how was woodpecker guy able to keep his petrified woodpecker? so many questions about these guys. what occurred here

-first time ford gets turned to "gold", he appears cracked. the second time, he’s free of cracks. implication: either the stone/"gold" people get turned into cracks over time or bill roughed ford up a bit even before the torture

-bill disassembles ford and reassembles him on the other side of the room. interesting to consider for. y'know. torture

-speaking of bill, WHY DO YOU HAVE EIGHT EYELASHES NOW. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE SEVEN

-love fiddleford so much. and also zanthar. and craz and xyler. and soos. and-

-manly dan hugs wendy more gently than soos does

-'(strangely genuine) good to see you too bro >:(' i'm sorry stan did seeing your brother trapped in a horrifying gold-ish statue change your tune a bit

-i agree with the circle actually. the fuck are you doing, stan. 

-i feel like the stan twins were strangled in different ways. it seems like ford was literally being strangled and bill was doing something directly to stan's lungs, based on the way they reacted to it. or i'm looking way too much into the animation who knows

-the way stan kneels on the ground :((((

-actually every scene with post-deal stan in it

-ford ultimate depression

-waddles was waiting for them :(((((((((

-stan lies in different ways depending on what he remembers (referring to him lying about the destroyed house being a nice place to be polite)

-'someone get waddles off of me!!' ford: :0 :D

-this also implies that ford learned waddles name at some point

-was wondering why pacifica seemed to have a bit of a character regression. then realized that she had to live with her abusive parents after the party. they uh. they need to be obliterated (heck you can even tell there's a sort of distance between them based on the fact that pacifica's parents wait for her to come to them, as opposed to the corduroys running to wendy immediately. it's not even a durland + blubs situation, they are fully aware of their surroundings at this point)

-pacifica's still trying her best though!!

-ford sings happy birthday with everyone else :)))

-ford's hair grows out really quickly

-'heh' resulting in an immediate :0 until ford keeps talking, at which point stan smiles again

-stan did you think that laugh was intended to be a 'that's ridiculous stan why would you ever think that' type deal and not a 'wow i love talking to you this is great' type thing

-'SHUT UP FOREVER'

-'CAN IT SOOS' in sync (hey ford you learned his name!)

-stan's 'don’t test me >:(' implication vs ford's 'i have killed and i will do it again' implication

-ford comforting hand on shoulder. stan looking shocked until he sees ford smiling at him. grgaggasgg

-fucking love these two

-stan writes in print in all caps (this might mean nothing to you but trust me there is a reason i'm pointing it out)

-ford doing the hand thing in the credits

-'ford hates mabel' DID YOU MISS THE FUCKING TURKEY

that's it that's all of the thoughts

it can go in the tag cause. why not, y'know?