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enthusiasticharry · 4 years

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Lonely this Christmas

summary: you and Harry broke up earlier in the year, but at Columbia’s Christmas party you see each other again, and you both realise just how much you miss each other

author's note: ahhhh i don’t think i've ever been so excited to post one of my works as i am this one and i hope you all enjoy my baby. the reader in this is musician!yn and i have so many other ideas for the little story line, so if you'd like to hear them, please let me know!

word count: 11k of baso angst, really fluffy fluff and some of the best smut I think i’ve ever written. there’s deepthroating... face-sitting... really just the whole shebang.

masterlist | please speak to me about LTC here!

You truly believed that Christmas was the best time of the year.

You loved everything about the festive time of year. From decorating the house, to listening to the music. From spending time with your family, to cosying up on the sofa and watching Christmas films. It was a special time of year, where everyone seemed to relax and walk around with joyous looks on their faces because no matter the year they’d have, it was nearly over and it’s finally time to celebrate the best aspects of the time that had passed.

You found yourself thankful for the year, but also thankful that it was over. This year had been one of the best, but also one of the worst years of your life. The thing that caused the year to not be the best that it could was the split you had with your long-term boyfriend. It was messy, and absolutely heartbreaking on your side and because it was such a big part of the year, it became one of the memories that you wished to ignore but you found yourself struggling too. On a brighter side, you had won your first Brit award this year for Best New Artist. It was a turning point in your career, for certain.

One thing that you’ve never enjoyed about Christmas is parties. You would much rather stay within the walls of your own house and spend your evenings alone, but being in the industry that you are it becomes a little harder. The Columbia Christmas Party happen’s every year, but this was you first year signed to the Record Label, so the first year you had been invited. You were shocked to be invited, but found yourself to be excited and dreading the experience all at once.

The thing that you found yourself thinking and worrying about the most was what you were going to wear. You wanted to impress everyone there, since you had found this new stardom for yourself and you had created this name for yourself which you hadn’t had before. After consulting with your stylist, you settled on a custom Gucci dress that was made for you to wear specifically to this event. The dress itself was a Christmas-green velvet material, which landed to about your mid-thigh with a square neckline. Attached to the square straps of the neckline, were tulle sleeves of the same colour that bunched at your wrists. It hugged your curves perfectly and once you’d added your black scrappy heels you really felt beautiful. Your natural features are accentuated, and you, for the first time in a long time, feel beautiful within your own skin.

That all changed the second you walked into the party.

You felt as though all eyes were on you, as though everyone was watching every step that you took to see what you’d do. It made you feel uncomfortable and immediately feel as though the dress you are wearing wasn’t right, it was too short and you needed to cover up. You were maybe 98% certain that they weren’t thinking about what you were wearing, but more so who you’ve just clocked eyes with.

You knew he was going to be here, and you had prepared yourself for the inevitable, but seeing him stood there completely changed everything that you had prepared for. You both were signed to the same record label, years after the two of you had met though, so it was no surprise that he was sat at one of the tables with a group of people around him as he spoke and laughed at what they were all taking about.

You tried to ignore the pinch within your heart, but it was hard. You weren’t the one who broke it off, and if things had gone according to your plan, you would still be together right now.

You had met Harry a few years ago, when you had first moved to London and you were bar and pub hopping, singing and hoping that you’d somehow stumble upon someone who could help you start your career. It was completely by accident that you both had met, and looking back at it quite embarrassing on your part. You were in the middle of your set when he walked in, as well as Mitch and Sarah, but you hadn’t seen them at that point. You had recently learnt how to play Sign of the Times on the piano and you had purposely brought your small keyboard out with you so you could play the song. Looking back on it, you probably wouldn’t have sung the song if you did know that he was there, but you didn’t know so you sung it. It was a little shaky at the start due to your nerves about playing the song for the first time out of the comfort of your room but you quickly found your groove, and you finished strong. Harry had later told you that, after a little bit of teasing from Mitch and Sarah, he knew that from how in awe he was of you he just had to speak to you. He walked up to you whilst you were in the middle of throwing your celebratory shot back that you always take after finishing your set and the first thing you ever said to him was, “Fuck!”

You always thought that would be a story you’d be able to tell your grandchildren, and you both had even spoken about it, but it just hadn’t worked out.

He seemed okay, which you were happy about. His new album had just come out, and you don’t think you’ve ever cried at a record as you did at that one. You knew it was about you, it was hard not to. All of the little hints that he left throughout his songs would blow over anyone else head, but you knew the true meaning of them and you think that’s one of the reasons you found it so emotional. He was smiling as he spoke to the people, briefly taking sips of his drink every now and then, which was only water so you wondered whether he’d drove there. You both would be flying home soon, but this would be the first time in three years that you’d be flying home alone.

To stop yourself from crying, you quickly make you way over to the bar. After running your eyes over the cocktail menu, your eyes immediately pricked at the sight of one, and you could stop the words as they left your lips: “A cherry bomb fizz please.”

You watched as the bartender added a cherry and some maraschino liqueur, before topping the drink off with Champagne. The drink was quite sour, but you quite liked it. It caused your lips to purse and eyebrows to widen, in a good way you must add.

“Could never handle your alcohol, could you?”

You could feel him before you heard him, but you didn’t want to turn around. Why he felt it okay to come up and talk to you were unsure about, but at the same time you had been hoping that he would. Why you were hoping that he would you were also unsure about, but you’re certain it had something to do with the fact that you weren’t quite over him.

“I think you’re mistaken.” You say, taking another sip of your drink, “You were the one who could never handle your alcohol. And this is just sour.”

He hums, as though he isn’t believing a word that you say, “If you say so, love.”

“Love?” You say, raising your eyebrow at him whilst throwing back the rest of your drink, “Thought those days were well over.”

“Force of habit, ‘suppose.” He shrugs, “I have a few of them when it comes to you.”

“You grew out of them.” I shrug, “Can’t remember the last time you called me love whilst we were together.”

He drops his eyes to the counter, and you know you’ve done what you’re supposed to. This is the first time you’ve spoken to since you broke up, and you can’t believe that it’s at a Christmas party of all places. He also had the audacity to call you love, something that you couldn’t believe he had the balls to do. The last few months of your relationship you were lucky if he even looked at you, and here he now was calling you love as though it’s totally okay to do so.

“I’ll always call you love.” He says, lifting his eyes up from the counter to look at you once more, “I’ll always care about you.”

“Where was this five months ago?” You ask, unable to stop yourself.

Your break up, in your opinion, came out of nowhere. You knew something had changed in your relationship, since he hardy had the time for you at the end of your time together. He’d get up in the morning and wouldn’t touch, or even kiss you. Then, when he’d come home it would be the exact same thing, he’d slip into bed and to stop yourself from feeling as though you were going to cry, you’d pretend you were asleep and hope that you’d actually fall asleep. He never told you a reason for breaking up with you, apart from that he needed space and that he couldn’t be with you. That was probably the thing that hurt you the most. He broke up with you, but you never really had a real reason why.

“I just needed to leave.” He says, “That was my main focus.”

You try to ignore your heart breaking all over again but it’s hard to, when it’s the only thing you can think about.

“Why now?” You say, “Why are you doing this now?”

“YN—”

You shake your head, “I don’t think I want to hear it. I’m going to go.”

“Don’t—”

“—YN!” You feel an arm thrown around your shoulder, one that you immediately realise is Jeff once you register his voice and his face once you turn to him, “I haven’t seen you in months! How are you?”

You can immediately tell that he’s drunk. From the slight slurring of his words, to the smell of alcohol on his breath as he speaks. You’re just as shocked to see him as he is to see you.

“I’m good, Jeff, thanks.” You smile, at him, trying to push the conversation you’ve just had with his friend out of your mind, “How are you?”

“I’m drunk.” He laughs, squeezing your shoulder slightly, “But! I’s nice to see you two together again!”

The whole ignoring the situation doesn’t quite go to plan. Once he’s said those words you immediately draw your eyes towards Harry. You’ve never wanted to leave a conversation as much as you did this one. You look at Harry, but he isn’t looking at you.

He gasps, “You should come over to the table! We’re all here and it’ll just be like old times.”

“I couldn’t possibly. . .” You shake your head.

“You can!” He says, “Come on, I won’t take no for an answer! And H, hurry up with those drinks.”

Jeff walks you away from the bar and towards the table that you noticed earlier when you noticed Harry for the first time this evening. Glenne, Mitch and Sarah are there, as well as Kid and a few other producers that you recognise from working on Harry’s album, as well as a few songs from yours also. You knew that just because you and Harry broke up you couldn’t expect the friendships that had formed because of you two to just stop altogether.

“YN!” There’s a course of cheers and Sarah’s the first to stand up and wrap her arms around you. Out of everyone, Sarah was the person who you were closest with out of Harry’s band. She had joined Harry’s band after you and Harry had been dating for a year or so when Sarah joined the band, and you two instantly clicked and became the closest of friends. You had spoken a few times with her since you had broke up, but nothing compared to what you used to. You weren’t surprised though, she was Harry’s drummer first and your friend after — or that’s what you told yourself to make you feel slightly better.

“Hi.” You smile, dropping down into the spare seat next to Sarah. Words are thrown around the table of glee that you’re there, as well as questions as to why you haven’t been in contact. You know they’re drunk, and you suspect that is why they’re saying all of the things they are. You were quick to fall out of the conversation as it moved onto the show that they did the day prior to celebrate the release of Harry’s album. You suppose the reason your feelings were so heightened today was due to your hearing the album for the first time yesterday and then replaying it today.

It was completely different to Harry Styles but still so Harry. You hated how his music made your feel, the sad and the happy ones, as well as all in between. Harry returned to the table shorty after clutching drinks in his hands, and under his arms. Why he didn’t just make two trips, you would never know, but it’s lucky that all the drinks made it without any spillages.

“We were just talking about yesterday.” Glenne says, taking a sip of her drink as she does before turning towards you, “Have you heard the album, YN?”

“You don’t have too—” Harry turns to your briefly.

“I have.” You nod, “It’s good, a masterpiece even. You should be proud of it, H.”

You can see his shoulder tense, and from knowing him as well as you do, you wouldn’t be surprised if his heart just sunk to the bottom of his stomach. If you’ve listened to the album, it means that you’ve heard the song that Harry hoped you hadn’t.

“What would you say is your favourite?”

You look directly at him as you say the next words, and you hope he listens to them, “Probably Cherry.”

The other’s carry on talking as though you hadn’t said anything at all, but Harry doesn’t open his mouth again. He doesn’t stop looking at you though, and the way you look gorgeously defeated. A part of him wondered whether he was the one who caused you to be this way. About a month ago he asked some producers he knew that were working on your album with you how you are, and they said that you just seemed sad. It broke him to hear those words, just the words he had said to you all those months ago had broken you. Out of the blue, probably not but due to you not paying any attention, the group all move in, including you and Harry to have a reminiscent group photo.

He does open his mouth again when the group disperse to the dance floor, leaving the two of you all alone at the table.

“I’m sorry.”

You don’t lift your eyes up from the end of the table cloth you’re messing with, an exasperated laugh leaving your lips, “What for? Breaking up with me? Taking everything from me? Or, I don’t know, using that in your song?”

“I thought you wouldn’t mind.”

“You thought I wouldn’t mind.” You shake your head, completely baffled at his words, “Why would you think that? I trusted you with that, and now it’s on the end of one of your songs.”

“I’m sorry about everything, but especially that.” He says, and you can tell he’s being genuine with the look in his eyes. He looks as though he’s about to cry.

“Why did you do it?” I asks, “You could’ve asked me. I would’ve said yes, I swear to you.”

“I was nervous.” He says, “We didn’t leave on the best of terms, and I felt as though asking would’ve have been the best.”

“So you decided to do it anyway?”

“Will you forgive me, please?” He asks, and you can tell his voice is about to break, “Please.”

“That’s it, Harry.” You say, “I don’t think I can.”

The next morning you awake with a slight hangover, which wasn’t surprising because once you’d left quickly after saying your last words to Harry, and opened a bottle of vodka that you had in your cupboard. That bottle now sits on your bedside table, three-quarters of it drunk and the cause of your hangover. You were thankful that you hadn’t gotten too drunk before you left the party, due to the wraths of paparazzi that were there as you left. You remember leaving with your head down, ignoring their calls and questions, as well as their their cameras flashed at you. You had gotten into your car, your driver had smiled at you and the second the car started moving away from the club you found yourself unable to stop the tears that streamed down your face.

This wasn’t the first time that you’d done this since you’ve broken up with Harry, but this was certainly the worse you’ve felt since you’ve done so. Your head had its own heartbeat, and you felt as though your were stable on your feet as you trudged towards the kitchen to have some orange juice, your remedy for your hangovers to say the least. It was always something that Harry thought ahead about when you were together. If he knew that the two of you were going out he’d always stock up the fridge. The amounts of time since that you’ve gotten drunk and not had any orange juice within the house is quite atrocious and he knew from experience that they never ended well.

You drink your first glass of the drink quickly, and pour your second one before making you way back into your bedroom. Due to the amount of time you spent in LA, you had purchased your second apartment here, your first being in London. It wasn’t the nicest ever, but it was good enough for you when you were here, and something that you were thankful to have when you woke up from nights like these.

You fall back down upon your bed and the first you think you pick up is your phone, shocked at the thousands of notifications your found on it. You’re still slightly asleep so you rub your eyes a few times before clicking upon the instagram app. The thousands of notifications are dm’s and comments upon your photos. After clicking through the notifications, you find the culprit sat with a lovely love heart emoji on Glenne’s story.

At some point that morning, probably whilst you were growing your sorrows away with vodka, she had posted the photo of you all on her story with the caption ‘the band’s back together,’ a heart emoji and tagged you in it. All the messages were asking whether you and Harry were back together again, not because you’d ever gone public with your relationship, but Harry had gone public with your breakup in his interview with the Rolling Stones and with Zane Lowe. He was very respectful in the way that he spoke about it, which was all you ask for. You hadn’t actively gone out to watch and read what he was saying, but your manager had warned you about them before you had done some interviews and you were curious to say the least what they were about.

In the photo you could tell that you and Harry were the only ones who were sober. Everyone else had drunken grins on their faces whilst you and Harry, to say the least, had very uncomfortable smiles across both of your lips. It annoyed you slightly that the two of you couldn’t even be in the same place anymore without having messages upon messages about whether or not you’re back together. Anyone with a brain could see that you certainly weren’t just by the expression on both of your faces.

You weren’t annoyed, or angry that the photo had been posted because you wouldn’t have taken the photo if you didn’t want it to be posted, but you did take the photo. You were always taking photos together before the breakup, and photo booths were you speciality. It’s another thing that you had hardly done since the breakup, so it was nice to see the photo but deep down a part of you wished that it hadn’t have been taken.

It’s all over all of the social media’s, and you decide that it’s probably best if you just put your phone down. You’re about place it on your bedside table when a notification pops up on the top of your screen, and without thinking, you tap on it, sending you straight to the messages app and to who had sent you the message.

Harry: YN?

Why he was sending you a message in the first place, you had no idea. Why he was messaging your so early in the morning was also something that confused you even more.

Harry: I know you’re reading this.

Harry: Your read receipts are on.

You curse yourself for being so click-happy when you see a notification, and more so for having your read receipts on because you know you can remove them but you don’t quite know how to. You contemplate for a few seconds what to say in your drunken, tired haze, before typing out the message:

YN: Can I help you?

His reply comes in a few seconds later.

Harry: Are you free?

YN: Why?

Harry: Meet me at Beachwood. Usual time.

YN: Why should I?

Harry: Just be there. Please.

YN: I will.

When you walk down the pavement towards the Beachwood Cafe, its as though you’re doing so without actually thinking about it. When you and Harry were together — this was your place. You can’t even remember the amount of dates the two of you have had here, tucked away in the corner whilst the music played, chatting away endlessly about things that popped into each of your minds. It got to the point that when you two were free, and managed to get to go, you had been that much that the waitresses knew your order by memory. The first time they had done it, you remember the way you both smiled sheepishly at each other and back at the waitress.

It was decorated for Christmas. You could see a tree in the corner of the cafe, as well as lights and tinsel across the windows. If you weren’t so nervous you probably would have smiled at the sight of it.

You push the door open and hear the familiar ding of a bell that rings whenever someone walks through, and you’re catapulted back to last year when you did the exact same thing but with a smile on your face from your excitement of seeing your boyfriend, one who you cared and loved very much.

The low hum of Mud’s Lonely this Christmas fills the room, very apt for the current situation and you’re guessing the mood of the conversation you’re about to have. It was late, close to closing time but you and Harry found that to be the best time to come, because hardly anybody else did.

He’s already sat at your usual table, the one in the corner because the two of you often liked to people watch. It had started off a silly game once when you were both tired and didn’t really want to talk about your lives, so you started brainstorming what other people’s were like. As much as you hated to admit it, Harry’s stories were always the better of the two of you but you didn’t mind, because you could little to the words he spoke to you for every minute for the rest of your life and you wouldn’t mind.

He’s already gotten your drinks, you can see the two glasses upon the table in front of him. You pull out the chair, making him look up from his phone at you. You can see his features immediately soften at the sight of you stood there.

They always used to do that.

“I thought you weren’t coming.” You don’t reply, “I got you a peppermint hot chocolate. I know It’s one of your favourites.”

It was one of your favourites, and you haven’t been able to have one in a while because, surprise surprise, they remind you of Harry, and the time you used to spend together.

“Thank you.” You say, picking up the drink and taking a sip of the hot liquid, dropping it back down and looking at him directly in the eyes, “Why did you invite me here?”

He clears his throat, and the movements of his elbows suggest he’s wiping his hands upon his trousers.

“I want to apologise. For everything, this time.” He says, and you watch as he places his hands back upon the table, messing with the rings on his hand. He still wore the one you got him for your anniversary a year ago, “For how I acted yesterday, the day we broke up and the months before hand. I was a dick, and there’s no excuse for it, but I just hope that you accept my apology.”

“I do.” You say, after a couple of seconds of contemplation, knowing that there was no point to having this dragged out for any longer than it already was, “I just want to know why, that’s all I want.”

“I.” He stops and lets out a shaky breath, “I don’t know, if I’m honest with you. I was just so investing into getting the album finished, and for some reason in my mind I thought that it would be best if I was single to do that.”

“Why would you think that?” You ask, the tears brimming on your waterline.

“I don’t know. The second I watched you walk out of the door, and when you didn’t turn around to look again but just drove away, I knew I’d messed up.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” You choke back a sob, trying to be quiet to not draw attention to the two of you, “You should’ve stopped me. Explained. I love you Harry, I would have done anything to help you. You needed space, I would’ve given it to you. You needed me, I would’ve been there.”

He drops his head, “I know.”

“Then why didn’t you?” You suck in a breath and bite your head to stop anymore sounds from escaping, “You let me leave. You watched me leave. Why didn’t you stop me?”

“I felt guilty. I’d just broken up with you, love, do you really think that it would’ve been a good idea for me to all of a sudden say I wanted you back?”

Silent tears stream down your face, “You had months to, Harry. Months. You did nothing.”

“And it’ll be the biggest regret of my life, YN, I promise you.” He says, and you can tell that he’s trying to stop himself from crying, “It will be. I’ve been a mess without you.”

You still love Harry, and you know that you do, and you hate seeing him so upset. You believe that’s why you reach forward to take his hand in yours.

“I have too.”

Somehow, you and Harry had been booked on the same flight home, and you managed to get seats next to each other. Spending that time next to each other was good, you believed. It gave you the opportunity to properly speak and catch each other up on everything that had happened. Harry had apologised, yet again, for everything that had happened and you had too. You gushed over his album once you had done, and that was when he invited you to the Secret London Show he was holding at the Electric Ballroom.

That takes you to now, stood in front of your mirror looking over your outfit to make sure that it was presentable enough. You knew you had to look presentable, but it wasn’t as fancy as the Christmas party. You dressed yourself in a long sleeved black lace top, and paired it with some black jean flares and your docs. Simple, yet quite effective in the grand scheme of things.

You were nervous to say the least about what what the evening was going to hold, especially since Gemma and other people who you hadn’t seen since the two of you broke up were going to be there. You weren’t exactly prepared, and if they asked you any questions you’d have no idea about what to say, but once you had brought that up with Harry, he said to just answer with the truth, which you were going to.

The entire way to the electric ballroom you were nervous, your heart was beating out of you chest and you felt as though you shouldn’t have been going. You thought that up until you arrived, when you walked backstage to see Harry and Gemma stood talking whilst Harry was getting ready. Once he saw you, his features rose into a smile and yours did too, and you walked over to press a kiss to his cheek in greeting.

“YN!” You could hear the shock in Gemma’s voice as she noticed that it was you and she immediately stood up and wrapped her arms around you, “I haven’t seen you in so long. How are you?”

“I’m okay, thanks Gem.” You smiled, pulling away and tucking some of your hair behind your ear, “How are you?”

“I’m amazing.” She says, “I certainly didn’t expect you to be here. Are you two back together? Please tell me that you are.”

Instead of answering straight away, you turn to look at Harry briefly. You both knew exactly what was running through your brains, and the way you both smiled at each other made that completely obvious. He nodded, and then you knew exactly what to say.

You grin and turn back to Gemma, “Trying to.”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you.” She wraps you in another hug, “He was a mess without you, and I know you were a mess without him. You’re soulmates. I can’t believe he even did it in the first place.”

“I think we all couldn’t.” You laugh.

“Hey!” Harry whines from the chair beside the two of you, “I made a mistake, we all get it.”

You and Gemma laugh and from then it’s like the past six months hadn’t happened and you were still the best of friends. That was one thing about being with Harry, you loved his family just as much as you loved him. Gemma was like a sister to you, and she was even when you broke up but you just hadn’t seen her. Anne, well she was like a second mother to you. She always made sure to make you feel included at family gatherings, and she even came to stay with you sometimes when Harry went away for a while and you couldn’t go with him. You had missed Harry the most during this time, but Anne and Gemma were two people that you had also missed more than anything.

The majority of people make their way to where they’re watching the show soon after, but you tell Gemma that you’ll meet her on the balcony later because you wanted to have a quick word with Harry. He was in the middle of shrugging his jacket upon his shoulders when you walked through the door, and he immediately stopped his movements and turned to look at you.

He furrowed his eyebrows, “Everything okay?”

You shrug and bite your lip, stepping for arms a few steps towards him, “Just wanted to see you.”

You find your eyes flicking up and down his body, taking in the monochrome yellow suit he had on with a black tie. You always loved and supported Harry’s wardrobe choices, and you had missed in the time you hadn’t been with him picking them out with him. You felt as though this was an excellent choice.

“You look amazing.” He says, taking a few steps forward so that you’re directly in front of each other. You watch as he lifts his hands up, about to place them on your waist but he stops himself and drops his arms back down. Without hesitation you grab his wrists and place them upon your waist. His eyes widen, but the second he feels your skin underneath his hand, just separated by the thin material of your lace top.

“Thank you.” You bite your lip and wrap your fingers around his tie, lightly picking up the material, “You look so handsome, H.”

He almost lets out a sob at your words, but he quickly stops himself and smiles at you. Without thinking, you lean forward and press your lips upon his. They feel so familiar, yet so foreign at the same time. You want to cry. You’ve dreamt of this for months, the feeling of having him this closer to you again, and from the way he wraps his arms around your back and pulls you even closer to him, so that your body is fully flushed against his. You pull away with a smile and immediately drop your head to his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist under his jacket and hugging him close to you. You finally feel a tear escape from your eye.

“I’ve missed you so much, H.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

He sings the entire Fine Line album from start to finish, and from how much you’ve listened to the album you actually know the majority of the words. You sing and dance away with Gemma, posting instagram stories of the two of you, and then one of how proud you are of Harry. You don’t need to explain yourself, there certainly isn’t a need to so you do so without any hesitation. You realise you’ve missed watching him perform, the way he can entertain a crowd with his talents has always been something you’d been jealous of. You’ve done shows here and there but because your album isn’t due to be out until the start of next year, when you plan to do your first world tour, and even though you try your hardest, you don’t feel as though you’ll ever be able to work a crowd the way he does. Where Stormzy came from, you still have no idea, since you hadn’t seen him downstairs but all of a sudden he’s singing Vossi Bop with Harry and your watching with your mouth dropped open in shock as he does so.

You and Harry make the executive decision to go to Harry’s house after the concert. It’s how you both found yourselves sat on Harry’s sofa, a glass of wine in each of your hands. You head is leant against the back of the sofa, whilst Harry’s hand leans upon the back of it, running his fingers through your hair. It’s comforting, and the smile hasn’t left your face since he started to do it.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers, moving his hand from your hair to run his finger along your cheekbone, then down until he’s running it across your lips, “I can’t believe I ever pushed you away. You were my girl. I was going to marry you, I needed to marry you, still do.”

“I’m back now.” You whisper back, lifting your hand to place on his cheek, “And I’m not going anywhere. No matter how hard you try and push me away, I’m not leaving.”

“I don’t want you too.” He shakes his head, “I’ll never want you too again.”

Without really thinking, you take the glass out of Harry’s hand and place both of yours upon the table in front of you, listening to the sound as glass meets glass. He leans back on the sofa with a puzzled look, immediately realising what is happening when you move to straddle his hips, placing your hands upon his shoulders to steady yourself. His hands fall upon the small of your back, his hands dragging up and down to tease your skin.

You lean forward, moving so that your faces are inches apart. You knock his nose slightly with yours, causing his cheeks to curl upwards with a smile before you capture it with your lips. immediately responds by kissing your back, pushing his body so that it’s placed even closer to yours if it’s physically possible.

Without a warning you pull away from him, slipping off his lap so that you’re on your knees in front of him. His eyes never leave yours as you so, and he immediately opens his legs so that you can slip in between them, his finger running over his bottom lip as he watches you.

“What are you doing?” He asks.

“Want to feel you.” You reply, resting your hands upon his thighs, “Want to feel you in my mouth. Can I?”

“Go ahead, baby.”

You feel excitement bubbling in the pit of your stomach, and with shaky hands you move to unfasten his belt, and unbutton and unzip his trousers without much struggle. He lifts his hips up so that you can manoeuvre his trousers down and off his legs, leaving him in his black boxers. You bite your lip at the sight of the tent within the flimsy material, already growing and ready for you. You feel slightly overwhelmed that after so long of waiting, and wanting him to be in front of you again, he actually is.

“Already so hard for me, H.” You say, running your hand over the fuzz upon his bare thighs, “Have you thought about this as much as I have.”

“I thought about it everyday.” He replies, quickly at that, “It’s etched in my brain, the sight of you on your knees for me.”

You bite your lip as your grin, leaning to press a kiss to his stomach, just above the happy little trial that slips underneath the hem of his boxers. You feel his stomach tense underneath your lips, especially when you hook your fingers into the hem of his boxers, wiggling the material down until you can completely take it off once he’d lifted his hips again. He’s fully hard for you, and you can feel your stomach doing little flips in excitement for what is going to happen.

Sex, as it is in most relationships, was a big part of yours and Harry’s. It’s important that couples are comfortable with each other when revealing such intimate parts of themselves, and you and Harry were. If any of of you wanted to try anything, you could do so because of how comfortable you felt with each other. Whenever the other wanted to try anything, you’d do so without any hesitation and in such a way that you both enjoyed it. You both had your kinks, and your shared ones, and over the courser of your relationship you both explored those feelings. You were just happy that even though you had spent such time away from each other, you could still feel that confidence bubbling between the two of you, and those feelings bubbling between each other. Harry made you feel a way no other human being has ever been able to, and you were thankful because you felt as though you’d never be able to find that with anyone else, and now you didn’t have to worry because you were back together.

“You ready to take me in your mouth baby.” He says, placing his hand upon your cheek, “Ready to take me the way you used to.”

“Always, baby.”

Your tongue slips from between your lips and you lick a stripe up his throbbing cock, causing a low groan to escape through Harry’s lips. You can’t help but smile at the sound, knowing that you had caused that. Another groan escapes his lips once you wrap your lips around his tip completely, taking it into your mouth and you can help but giggle slightly. He smiles down at you and pulls your hair up so that it’s off of your face, making a makeshift ponytail to help move you up and down his cock.

“Look so good with my cock in your mouth.” His tongue slips out of his mouth to wet his lips, “Always could take me so well. Show me, baby, show me how deep you can go.”

You comply, taking him as deep as you can until you can feel him in the back of your throat. You eyes start to water, and you look up at him through your eyelashes. You hold for as long as possibly can before he lightens his touch and allows you to pull away. A string of saliva connects you two together as you and you wipe your lips with the back of your hand to remove it.

“Can you do it again?” He asks and you sheepishly nod, flicking your eyes between his throbbing member and him a few times before wrapping your lips back around him, “Fuck, baby, no one can do this like you can. No one.”

His words spur you on and you deep throat him as far as you possibly can before you need to gasp for air, taking a few seconds before starting to bob your head again, taking a few seconds at each time to run your tongue over his throbbing tip, collecting some of the salty pre-come that had started to bubble there.

“So good to me.” He lets you stop for a minute, and you place your head upon his thigh so that you can catch you breath. It was almost as though he knew that you needed to take a breather. You had the slight problem of always trying to do more than you’re able too and you almost always end up loosing too much of your breath, “Even though I’m an absolute twat. You’re always so good to me.”

“You deserve it.” You say, your throat a little coarse from your actions before.

“I don’t.” He shakes his head, “I broke your heart.”

You hesitate for a few seconds, “But you’re fixing it.”

“I shouldn’t have broken it in the first place.”

You move so that your higher up and able to place a kiss to his lips, whispering against them, “You’re fixing it.”

He kisses you back with more passion than before, moving his hand to grip under your thighs so that he can pick you up and place your on his. His fingers tug at the hem of your lace shirt, so you detach your lips so that you can pull it over your head. He groans at the sight of your bare chest to him, your nipples hardening into stiff buds at the feeling of the cold air immediately on your skin.

“No bra?” He presses a few open mouthed kisses to your neck, “You’ve been with me all evening, and I never even fucking noticed that you didn’t have a bra on.”

“You used to have a special talent for noticing when I didn’t have a bra on.” You giggle, sighing slightly at the feeling of his lips on his neck, and then the subtle feeling of his teeth grazing your skin.

“I must’ve lost my touch. But don’t worry.” He pulls away and looks you directly in the eye, “I’ll soon get it back.”

“Of course you will.” You laugh, but he stops it with his lips. The first time you and Harry kissed, you were so nervous. You felt as though you were going to mess up and he’d never want to kiss you again. You were completely wrong, and he actually ended up saying that it was one of the best kisses of you life. You couldn’t believe his words, and since then you completely found yourself wanting his lips to be on yours. Just as they were now, his tongue slipping between your lips and the feeling always transporting the two of you to where it’s just you, and you have the time in the world to kiss as much as you want to.

He moves his kisses down your neck, leaving sloppy ones against your skin until he was at the curve of your breast. Harry was a boob man, you knew that for a fact. As much as he loved to hold onto your ass every now and then, you always noticed that he spent the majority of his time focusing on your boobs. Whether it be sucking blemishes into the plushly skin whilst you fucked, or laying his head on them as you both calmed down from your activities, he always, without fail, focused on your boobs.

He knew that if he attacked your nipples skilfully with his tongue, he could have your dampening your panties and clenching your thighs together so much that he couldn’t resist it. He starts by wrapping his lips around your right nipple, tugging on the flesh slightly with his lips before letting it go with a pop.

“Fucking love your tits, love.” He sighs and you giggles slightly before gasping at the feeling of his pinching your other nipple with his fingers, “Fit in my hands, and in my mouth, so nicely.”

You moan in response to his words and throw your head back as he wraps his lips around your other one, sucking and sending flutters all the way down to your core. You wanted him, yearned for him, and you were beginning to grown inpatient.

“Can we go to your bedroom?” You run your fingers through his hair and pull his head back so that he’s looking at you, “Bedroom.”

“Is that where you want it?”

“Want it in your bed.” You say, placing your hand upon his cheek, “Our bed.”

He stands up with you still on him, your legs wrapped around him as he carries your upstairs. You rest your head upon his shoulder so he can look over yours and direct you safely to the comforts of his bedroom.

This place didn’t hold the best of memories from the last few months of your relationship but if you ignored that and focused on the positives, you had some of your best times in this room. It was a place where the two of you could completely be yourselves, and have a place to call yours. The pillow talk that occurred in this room was out of this world, and it was where you planned your future. One that was put on hold briefly but now seemed to be ready for the two of you again.

“Will you strip for me?” He asks as he places your down in the room, “I want to watch you slip out of those jeans, baby.”

You nod but at first undress him. You slip the jacket from his shoulders, skilfully loosen his tie and pull it over his head. Next is his shirt which you start to unbutton, but Harry grows impatient and rips it off, the buttons flying in all sorts of directions.

“Harry!”

“Oops?” He laughs, sitting down on the bed.

You had given Harry one strip tease before, for his birthday a year ago and it had gone down a treat. You had dressed up in your fanciest lingerie, which happened to be a black set that he had bought specifically for you for your birthday with ‘Styles’ embroidered on the inside. There was something, for the both of you, that you loved about seeing his name all over your the undergarments you wore. Whenever you wore them out in public, the two of you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, as though you were hiding a naughty secret that you didn’t want anyone to know about.

“Are you going to?” He urged, not taking his eyes off you’re, “I’m waiting.”

“Might make you wait a little longer.” You smile, running your fingers along the hem of your jeans, “Seeing as though you left me waiting for how long?”

“Don’t tease.”

“Why?” You shrug, “That was your speciality, wasn’t it?”

He had a love for teasing you, always had done. From the first time the two of you had sex, you knew he liked to tease. He liked to tease you all over, having your body withering under his touch until you couldn’t help but beg for him to touch you. You had a slight suspicion that he enjoyed hearing you beg for him, whimpering under his touch until you were crying for him to touch you. You remember that once, he had been teasing you all day whilst you had been out and about, but once you had gotten home he was teasing you so badly, overstimulating you over and over until you were crying for him to make your come.

“Just strip, my love.” You laugh and his words and unfasten the button to your jeans, turning around so that your ass is facing him, pulling your jeans down to reveal your black lace panties to him. You’re not surprised when he smacks his hand to the flesh of your ass, causing you to turn around with a gasp.

“That wasn’t nice.” You move so that you’re straddling him again.

“When have I ever been nice?” He raises his eyebrows, “I don’t think you want me to start now.”

He leans forward and places his lips to yours again, his body falling back upon the bed so that you’re hovering above him. His fingers run down from the small of his back, to her ass again until he’s gripping the flesh between his fingers, quite harshly you must say so which goes straight to your core. You know that the front of your panties are ruined by your wetness, and you know for certain that Harry does also.

“Sit on my face.” He mumbles against your lips.

“What?” You whisper back.

“Sit on my face.” He places a kiss to your jaw, “Wanna eat that pretty cunt, want to have you trembling above me.”

You would squeeze your thighs together, but you can’t because of his body between yours. You nod your head and clamber off him, pulling your underwear down your legs quickly. You move up the bed until you’re next to his head, spreading your legs and placing your knees on either side of his head. His hands grip your thighs, dancing his fingers along your thighs.

“Please, H.” You say, pushing his hair off of his forehead as you look down at him.

“Didn’t think you’d be begging so soon, baby.” He chuckles, pressing a few kisses upon your cheeks.

“I’m doing no such thing.” You shake your head, “You’re just being slow.”

He certainly isn’t being slow when he leans his head forward and starts to attack your clit with his tongue. You have to quickly lean forward also and grab the headboard to steady yourself, a moan escaping your lips as he does so. He attacks your clit quickly, and you can’t help but grind your hips forward at the feeling. He curls his hands around your thighs, stopping you from moving anymore. You cry out as he doesn’t slow down, and you pull his hair slightly. It emits a moan from him which vibrates against your clit, creeping your closer and closer to your peak.

It becomes a cycle. As you pull on his hair, more moans and groans tumble from his lips again sty your clit. He knew the more that he focused upon your clit, the closer you’d find yourself to your orgasm. He had learnt this, and he certainly hadn’t forgotten it.

You bite your bottom lip and close your eyes, rocking your hips back and forth against his tongue. He knows your close, due to your thighs clamping around his head. He doesn’t slow down, but instead he flicks his tongue even quicker.

“Fucking hell.” You moan, your body starting to shake as you feel your orgasm wash over you. He continues to attack your clit, coaxing you through your orgasm until you’ve finished and catching your breath.

“You taste so fucking good.” He says, dancing his fingers upon your thigh, “Missed your taste.”

“Fuck me, H.” You say, breathlessly.

He doesn’t hesitate. You manoeuvre yourself off of his head and lay so that you’re head is rested upon his pillow. He leans to open his bedside drawer but you stop him, grabbing his arm and pulling his back to you.

“Did you sleep with anyone else?” You ask, knowing that this could make or break whether you were going to be fucked or not at this moment.

“No.” He says, immediately shaking his head, “I didn’t. Did you?”

You also shake your head, “I wanna feel you, H. Want you to come in me.”

He groans without even touching you yet, or you touching him. He immediately drops his lips to yours, and you can’t help but giggle and smile into the kiss. You wrap your arms around his back and pull him closer to you. He pulls away slightly, just to grip his cock, running his thumb over his tip a few times.

“Are you sure?” He says and you nod, threading your fingers into the curls at the nape of his neck.

“Please, H.” You nod, hips bucking towards his, “I need you.”

“Need you too.” He kisses you again, “Always need you.”

He leans forward, looking down between the two of you to line his cock up with your entrance. He runs the tip over your clit for a second before pushing into you. Your walls immediately envelope him, tightening around him with every inch that he moves in. You sigh against his lips, wrapping your arms around his back. He starts to move in and out of you, your walls clenching around him as he tries to find his rhythm.

“Fuck.” You can’t help but moan that into his ear.

“Taking me so well.” You drop your hands to rest on your pillows next to him, to which he takes your hand in his as he starts to quicken his pace, “Missed your pussy so much. Never leaving again.”

Instead of replying, you place your lips upon his again. From the way his eyes are screwed closed, you can tell that he’s close. If it’s possible, he starts to thrust his hips harder towards you, hitting a point so deep into you that causes a whine to fall from your mouth.

“You’re gonna come, aren’t you?” He says against your neck, moving in and out until your thighs are shaking beneath him, “Can feel you, fuck, can feel you clenching around me. Milking my cock, aren’t you?”

You hum, “Feel so good, H. I’m so close.”

When you do come, you see stars. You clench around him, and profanities escape your lips. The feeling is completely how you remember it. You hadn’t been completely celibate since breaking up with Harry, since you do own a little bullet vibrator that had been your friend. You had it for years before you met Harry, and you used it whenever he was away or if the two of you fancied spicing it up every now and then.

You come down from your high just as Harry is catapulted into his, coating your walls with his as does so. His body collapses on top of yours, his head rested at the side of yours. He’s still inside of you, and both of your chests are rising up at down at a quick pace.

“Fucking hell.” He laughs, and you turn your head to look at him. He has a grin upon his face and you lean forward to kiss his dimple, “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.”

“I know.” You smiled, “You’ve told me multiple times. I’ve missed you to.”

He finally pulls out, and you immediately felt empty. You whined slightly and he moved off of you, dropping down upon the bed next to you. You take this as the opportunity to slip from your bed. Due to not having sex in a long time, you flip your legs over the edge of the bed and prepare yourself for having to take a few steps. Taking a deep breath, you stand up and waddle your way towards Harry’s bathroom, scooping up Harry’s shirt on the way.

You know the way like the back of your hand, and it’s oddly comforting to you. Once you’re in the bathroom, you clean yourself and do your business. Once you’re satisfied, you shrug Harry’s shirt on and do up a few buttons so that you’re covering at least a bit of yourself as you do so.

Harry’s underneath the covers as you return to his room, smiling at you with dimples and all as you walk back through the door. He’s on his side of the bed, and you clamber into yours. The feeling of having someone in bed next to you makes you happy inside. You lay upon your side, with one of your hands beneath you head and Harry copies your movement. Your faces are close, and he leans forward to place a kiss to your nose.

You smile, “Hi.”

“Hi, love.”

“Are you okay?” You ask and he nods, “Do you think we’ve rushed this?”

“No.” He’s quick to say, “I don’t think we have. We needed this. I’ve never felt closer to someone as I do to you right now.”

“Me neither.” You smile, moving to grab his hand that was rested upon his side, “And I don’t think I will again.”

“Darling.” Harry says, pointing his finger in the air as he does so.

Chloe hesitates for a second before letting out a, “Ding!” to say that he was right.

It was Boxing Day, and after spending Christmas Eve and the majority of Christmas Day with your family, you had driven from your family house up to Cheshire to spend the rest of Christmas Day and Boxing Day with Harry’s family. You were all sat in the living room playing a game, sporting glasses of wine and basking in the Christmassy feeling of being together again.

After Harry’s show on the nineteenth, and the acts that happened afterwards, you and Harry had many conversations. There was a few tears from the two of you, and the conversation got heated in some aspects but you were together again, and that was the main thing. Originally, you had decided to spend Christmas separate, without each other’s company just because it was such a sudden change and you wanted to make sure that you fully weren’t rushing into things. Then, whilst sat on the sofa after devouring your Christmas dinner, with Mud’s Lonely this Christmas playing through your speakers that you realised that you missed Harry, and a Christmas without seeing him now was a Christmas that you didn’t want in your life.

You had contemplated surprising him and just turning up, but you felt as though that wasn’t fair on the rest of his family, and that’s why you messaged and asked him. He replied asking whether you were certain that you wanted to do this, and you said yes and he said that he’d have a cup of tea ready for you whenever you arrived.

He did have one ready for you, and it was everything you needed to warm yourself up after the long journey.

Anne, Gemma and Michal asked no questions to you, but you had no doubt that they had asked Harry some on your journey. Anne had welcomed you with a hug, and so did Gemma and once their prying eyes were away, Harry kissed you as though his life depended on it, pressed against the staircase of his mother’s house whilst fairy lights twinkled around them.

Anne’s next to go, hoping that her answer of, “Sweetheart,” was at the top of the list.

Chloe replies with, “Uh huh,” to which everyone “Ooo’s” in response at.

You’re rested upon the back of the sofa, with a flute of Champagne in your hand. Harry, in his flat-cap almost breaking your hear with how handsome he looked, turned around and pointed his finger at you.

“Come on, now.” He says, “Be smart with this. It’s sticky stuff.”

“Babe.” You immediately reply, knowing that was one of pet names that Harry called you the most.

People around the room laugh at Harry’s phrase of ‘sticky-stuff’ but that doesn’t mask Chloe’s exclamation of, “Ding!” followed by, “Top answer.”

You smile at the knowledge and Harry turns to you also, holding his fist up for you to fist bump which you both laugh at. He holds his hand out and you pass him your drink, which he takes a sip of quickly before returning it to you so you can carry on playing the game.

Michal is next, and for some bizarre reason to all of you he says, “Cutie-pie,” which certainly isn’t on the list. The room chuckles around you, and Harry says something about him “returning to the mines’’ which you all laugh at, but you specifically roll your eyes at.

The game soon wraps up, and you have your meal. Harry sits next to you, and had his hand upon your thigh the entire way through. The table around the two of you chatted about all sorts, many of the questions being about when your music was coming out which you certainly didn’t expect. You started to feel as though your album, when it came out, wouldn’t be very complimentary of your relationship with Harry, and you were starting to regret it slightly, but you loved all of your songs and you hoped that when you showed Harry, and the world for that matter, that they would too.

You and Harry, after the meal had finished, had offered to be on washing up duty. You had been given the task of washing up, whilst Harry dried because he felt as though his skills were better there. You let him believe that and carry on with drying all of the special Christmas cutlery that didn’t go in the dish-washer.

Once you had finished, and you were drying your hand upon the towel, you felt hands upon your waist, more specifically, Harry’s. He place a kiss to your neck and you giggled, turning around so that upon were facing him. He immediately captures your lips with his, and you wrap your arms around your neck to steady yourself from the attack of his lips. His hands immediately again go to your waist, slipping his hand underneath the material of your jumper to rest upon your skin. Once you pull away, you look at him with a smile upon your face.

“What was that for?”

“What?” He shrugs, “Can’t I kiss my girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend?” You ask, unable to hide your smile.

“Girlfriend.” He nods, “That’s what you are, aren’t you?”

You nod your head and place another kiss to his lips, the feeling running through the two of you without really knowing how significant he really was.

“If you want me to be. I want to be.”

He lifts one of his hands and places it upon your cheek, running his thumb ever so delicately along your skin.

“I love you.” He says, with no hesitation in his voice, “I know I’ve been shitty, and I probably shouldn’t be saying this to you, especially not in the way that I am, but I do love you and I never stopped. I swear to you, that from now on my love for you will be the most important thing, and I won’t ever, ever make you second best again.”

“That’s all I want.” You reply, leaning forward to place a kiss upon his lips, “I love you too.”

With the year that you had, and the feeling as though you’d never be with this man again, you couldn’t believe that here you were with him. He was with you, and he was yours and there was no doubt in your mind that what happened earlier this year will never happen again. It was almost as though this was something that your relationship needed to grow stronger in itself, and it surely was now.

He wraps an arm around your neck and pulls you onto his chest, “I’m never letting you go again. I probably won’t let you out of my sight again.”

“I can’t say that I’d ever complain.”

#harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #harry styles x yn #harry styles x you #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles smut fic #harry styles writing

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emwritesstuff · 3 years

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as the world caves in | ch. 9 | bucky barnes x reader

synopsis: You are a ghost story. A former Air Force pilot who had her plane shot down by Germany in 1945, but here you were in 2023, alive and frozen in your 25-year-old body.

You haven’t seen Bucky since the 1940’s, before his fall, before you went on a suicide mission only to come back alive. You aren’t sure reliving those memories – and being a living memory of everything the man has lost – is the best for him.

But you and Bucky won’t be apart for long.

This will loosely follow the plot of TFATWS - so spoilers ahead, specially regarding episode six (finale). Thread carefully!

masterlist | AO3

notes: thank you everyone for your patience with this chapter. I'm dropping this lil shortie so we can get the story moving. Let's go! (warnings: lil' fluff, lil' angst) (word count: 3K) nine: records

Bucky knocked on your door a few weeks later.

It was late, and you were snug in your pajamas, winding down after a long day. With your identity no longer a secret, the government was in the midst of transferring you to something more… hands-on, and definitely less diplomatic, you were assuming; so much for retirement, but you figured 30 years of it had been more time than you could’ve anticipated.

You almost didn’t hear the soft rapping on wood over Vera Lynn’s mellow singing.

When you finally opened it, you found him standing there, wearing tired eyes and a dark coat. “I’m sorry, I know it’s late, but I started walking and I—"

“When I said you’re welcome anytime, Bucky Barnes, I meant any time.”

A tiny fraction of a smile was offered your way, and you grasped it tight against your heart at the same time you do his hand, pulling him inside.

His fingers lingered on yours, but before you could start thinking about it he pulled away, taking a seat at the edge of your couch. “I finished it. The book.”

Bucky answered your question before you could ask it. “I just came from there. The last one– the last name.”

“Well. Are you alright?” You sat next to him, your knee knocking against his, and his gaze went from the floor, to the spot where your legs touched, and then to you. He knitted his eyebrows, seeming a little incredulous you were even asking.

“I will be.” His hands intertwined on the space between his knees, and you placed a hand ton his shoulder, getting him to look at you again.

“Yes, you will. Do you want to talk about it?”

One corner of Bucky’s lip raised up, and he shook his head. “Is that Vera Lynn?”

You smiled, turning to look at your record player as if Vera herself was sitting next to it. “It is. Takes me back, I guess.”

“It’s all we’d listen to at the front.”

Nodding, you wondered for a second if Bucky remembered dancing to We’ll Meet Again the night before he was shipped off. Even if you weren’t the only girl he had danced with then, you still asked yourself if that memory was burned on his mind as it was on yours.

We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when. A short-term promise, made back then by hopeful lovers, friends, family members; you had no idea that those lyrics would prove themselves so literal when you and Bucky mouthed them at each other in the middle of a dancefloor.

You let out a breathy chuckle, standing up and beckoning him to where you kept the rest of your vinyl. “Come on. Vera’s starting to feel a little too nostalgic to me.”

Your record collection was pretty extensive, ranging from things of the good ol’ days from the special editions that were still being released nowadays. Bucky joined you on the floor, and together you started to make your way through decades eternized in discs.

“Marvin Gaye.”

You look up from The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust, finding Bucky making a face at the album he was holding. “It’s really good. Do you want to—”

“No. No more Marvin Gaye.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “You don’t like him?”

“I like Marvin Gaye! Jesus. Marvin is good—Marvin’s jus’ fine,” Bucky rubbed his eyes with his thumb and middle finger, and you finally understood.

“Sam’s been preaching you the word of R&B to you too, huh?”

You giggled at the tired look he gave you and silently took Trouble Man out of his hands, stuffing it back with the rest of the 1970’s.

Years ago, Bucky would be delighted to dive headfirst in the new – your trips to countless science fairs and expositions were enough proof of that – but looking at him now, knowing him as you were starting to once again, you figured that just a dip of the toes was more than enough.

You pulled Frank Sinatra from the 1950’s section.

“I know Sinatra.”

“Do you now?”

You put the record on your player, and Vera Lynn’s longing gave way to Sinatra’s swagger and jazz.

“Do you?” Bucky teased, frowning at the most recent items in your collection. As soon as Frank’s voice filled the silence, he nodded. “Yeah, that’s nice.”

“I do know him! Or did. Met ‘im in 1962.” You plopped next to Bucky, who was shaking his head. “What?”

“Show off.”

“No, just been around. Met people on the way. And, you asked.” Your smirk grew into a grin as Bucky mouthed your words back at you. Then his face fell for a second, and your amusement was quickly replaced by worry. “What is it?”

“Nothing, I guess – I guess I just missed a lot.” The same way one of the corners of his lips tug on his cheek again in his attempt of a smile, melancholy tugs at your heartstrings. “I missed out on everything. And I missed out on you.”

Bucky’s head was low as he spoke and you could see the tremble of his hands, even though he clutched one of your records tightly. Nina Simone, 1960’s.

“M’not going anywhere, you know.”

“You still lived an entire lifetime—”

“I did, yes, thank you for constantly reminding me that I’m over 100 years old.” You shook your head at him, sighing softly when he chuckled.

You couldn’t blame him, for clinging to every bit of past he’d missed while he was in HYDRA’s clutches – you knew that was inevitable, but you wished that such sorrow wasn’t so related to you.

“What are you doin’?” He asked as you summoned a small stool from the side of your shelf and stepped on it.

“I want to show you somethin’.” The thing you were looking for was stored at the very top: a heavy, brown leather suitcase that almost made you lose your balance when you pulled it from the spot it had been sitting in for—honestly, years, many of them.

The contents of the suitcase rattled as you climbed down and sat next to Bucky again. Sinatra still playing, telling his lover I've got you under my skin, I've got you, deep in the heart of me;

You almost laughed from the truth and irony of it.

I'd tried so, not to give in

I said to myself this affair never will go so well

You unlocked the suitcase, revealing the gathered memories inside. Pictures, movie tickets, theater playbooks, receipts, trinkets. All souvenirs of the 80 something years of your life Bucky hadn’t been there to see.

Not organized in the slightest, the keepsakes of your life were tossed together and out of order just as in your memory: photographs of you in uniform, and sometimes in party dresses; of when you bought your house; of the few times you had pets. Posing next to famous people and other important ones whose names weren’t as well known by the world.

As you and Bucky went through each of them, you added a story or an explanation, sometimes both, to fill him in on the details of your life events. He laughed at some, frowned at a lot, stared at you intently for all of them.

“Is this Berlin?”

You hummed, nodding. “1989. That party was great.”

“Party?” Bucky knitted his eyebrows in surprise.

“The city was unified, the wall was being taken down, and everyone was celebrating. I’ve never seen that many bottles of vodka in one place.” You laughed, taking a good look at yourself in the picture.

The 80’s were definitely not your best decade, looks wise. You had tried a perm the year before, and the poodle look was only then starting to dial down. The beginnings of a bruise were starting to creep on your left eye, from the mission you had completed just a few hours before.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been that drunk.”

Bucky’s surprise intensified, his eyes wide. “We can’t get drunk.”

“Yes we can.”

“No, no we can’t.”

“We can, in fact. It’s all a matter of quantity and, well, speed.” You giggled as Bucky’s mouth gaped more.

“And the hangover?”

“Horrible. Like getting shot on the forehead. Comes quickly, too.”

He grimaced, and with one last look – certainly to register your peculiar appearance on his mind – gently put the picture back inside the suitcase. A stack of papers seemed to call out to him and he picked it up, releasing them from the band that held them together carefully.

Postcards of the places you’ve been: a small note to James Barnes and Steve Rogers on the back of each one.

Bucky’s voice faltered. He let out an anguished little sound, probably something that was supposed to be an Oh, or a What, but had no strength to crawl up his throat.

You brought your knees to your chest as you waited for him.

“You—you wrote to us?”

“I did. You can keep those, they’re addressed to you.”

After all this time, you could barely remember the words you wrote in those postcards; all you knew was that some had longer messages, others a simple Wish you were here.

“After we met in Baltimore, I thought that— that you’d have moved on from us.”

From me.

As if that was possible.

“Well, I stopped writing by 2003, give or take. But really,” You sighed. “It’s hard to forget someone when you’ve always been expecting them to come back to you.”

Bucky flipped the postcard from Rome, read the writing and smiled wistfully at it. “And, I did.”

“You did. And staying away was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but—”

“But you’re annoyingly stubborn.” His jaw tightened, then relaxed when he smirked. “I mean, I get it – If the roles were reversed, I’d leave you rebuild your life without me like a self-sacrificing idiot too.”

Alright. That was fair.

Shaking your head, you watched as he slipped the postcards in his pocket, an amused expression on his face.

“That was… a big mistake. Something a self-sacrificing idiot would do,” You screwed your eyes shut in shame, opening them when Bucky chuckled. “but now, I’m right here. And so are you.”

His stubble scratched the soft skin of your palm when you reached for him, and you continued. “We’re a little out of place in this century, that much is true, but if I’m being honest… I’m getting tired of yearning for the past, Buck.”

Good old times – sometimes really good, sometimes bad, every one of them old – tucked away in your heart like your records were tucked in neatly in their shelf, organized by year. As you went through the decades, your enhanced body eternizing you like marble, your heart seemingly stayed at that army camp overseas. Or maybe Sergeant Bucky Barnes had taken it with him, only for them to be frozen together, leaving you with an empty hole in your chest.

You lived your life longing for that missing piece, the one with blue eyes and the dashing smile and the skilled feet.

The one that in many other stories was the one that got away, the one who now believed he was somebody else, but had brought your heart back with him all the same.

The very heart that nearly leapt out of your chest when Bucky rested his forehead against yours.

You’ve never been this close – there isn’t an ounce of past in the gesture. His eyes being tightly closed kept him from seeing the surprise on your eyes and then how they fell to his lips for a millisecond. Then, those lips brushed against yours in a featherlike touch.

I would sacrifice anything, come what might

For the sake of having you near

He pried himself off you when you exhaled, as if your very breath had electrocuted him.

“M’sorry. I—I didn’t—” He said as you stared at the back of his neck, and the shock gives way to disappointment.

I didn’t mean to. Or maybe: I didn’t want to.

“That’s—it’s okay.” You clapped your hands on your knees, still feeling the prickle of his facial hair on them, and got up to change the music.

There was no doubt Bucky was touch starved, and that he probably craved the closeness that comes with a lover. He sought that for a fleeting second in Sam’s sister, and now in you. No point in dwelling on what it might have meant.

Right?

Looking at Bucky, his expression was overcast, furrowed eyebrows as he watched you from his spot on the floor. You offered him a gentle smile, and the crease on his forehead eased up slightly.

Right.

Don't you know little fool, you never can win

The record player made a scratching sound as you replaced Frank Sinatra with your go-to jazz compilation. Instrumental.

No lyrics.

There was one thing you’ve always been good at, regarding the infatuation with Bucky Barnes that has taken over your heart for almost a century now: locking the feelings away and stepping into the shoes of the best friend.

Besides, you’ve said it yourself: no more yearning for the past. Hopefully you and Bucky would be able to do that soon enough.

At that moment, however, you needed to feel the burn of whiskey down your throat and pretend it’ll heal the calcinating rejection spreading through your chest.

The guilt you found in Bucky’s eyes as he watched you sweep around your hardwood floors made you pour a glass for him.

He took it gratefully, frowning when you bottomed the whole thing up.

“There’s a lot in here.” He tapped the edge of the suitcase, skillfully steering the conversation in the direction of the more palatable, calm territory it was in before.

The sight of your autobiographical collection made you smile.

“An entire lifetime,” You said, fishing your dog tags from the bottom. “I suppose that’s where it started. Or at least, where thisstarted.”

Bucky took them reverentially, running his thumb over the imprint of your name and numbers.

He reached for his neck, producing from under his Henley the same type of metal chain he was holding in his hands. The fact that he still wore his like that sent a sharp blow to your lungs, almost knocking the air out of you.

His face softened, a smile so beautiful spreading across his lips, so much that your chest clenched in protest because it was simply not fair, how he still had you entirely.

He deposited both of your dog tags in your hands, and that’s when you saw it, and remembered it.

“Won’t we get in trouble for this?”

“Do you care?”

“Well…No.” You sighed, already resigned. And a little excited.

Bucky knew you well: it had been too long of being a good little soldier when all you were used to was the rush of being a hellion.

“And that is why, sugar, that I’m doing this with you, and not with Steve.”

The words made your heart soar, but you were sure to recapture it before it could fly away too high, still too attached to the sensation of the take-off to clip its wings.

You liked flying.

“And because Steve hasn’t been successful in his enlisting efforts. Yet.”

Bucky looked at you from behind his eyebrows, a reprimand hiding in his eyes, but he decided to shove his uniform hat on your head instead. You grumbled, calling him a jerk under your breath.

It was the night before Bucky was drafted to England. He looked handsome in his uniform, a shining, polished star, brighter than the sun even under the dim streetlight you two stood under.

After bringing his and Steve’s dates home (yours was lost to another boxing match along the way – not that you were crying about that) Bucky had decided he was going to stay up all night, because, in his words, he could sleep when the war was over. Or, more realistically, in the ship on the way to England.

So there you two were, illuminated by street lamps and moonlight, visiting the façades and front windows of your favorite places in Brooklyn like drifters in the night.

Bucky still concentrated on his task, his shoulder hunched slightly to block your sight.

“Let me see! Bucky!”

“ ’Sposed to be a surprise! I’m almost done.”

You huffed, crossing your arms. “It’s not like I haven’t seen ‘em before.”

“You gotta be more patient. Here.”

He dropped your dog tags on your hand. You displayed the small steel plates on your palm, scanning your eyes over the two. One of them, of course, had your name, number, blood type, next of kin – an aunt you’ve never met – and address.

The other had Bucky’s.

James B Barnes. 32557038.

He slipped his own chain over his head, the plate with your name clinking against his.

You brought the tips of your fingers to your lips, feeling a smile begin to form onto them.

“I forgot we did this. I haven’t looked at these in so long.”

You had stopped wearing your dog tags the day the war had ended – Bucky was gone then, Steve too, and the weight of his dog tags slamming against your chest was too much to bear – your heart was already heavy with its own engraving of their memories.

“Steve had a lecture prepared when he gave mine back.” Bucky chuckled when you looked up at him, incredulous.

You shook your head, half exasperated and half amused. “Good grief, Steve.”

“Y’know how he is. Was,” He trailed, lips twitching as they formed a thin line.

You reached for him, your hand hovering in the space between you for a second before Bucky took it, lacing your fingers. Scooting closer, you let your cheek rest on his shoulder.

“He’d be glad we’re reunited.” You said, raising your head to peek at him and the newfound upwards curl of his lip. “And mortified we’re still bickering.”

Bucky smiled and squeezed your hand. “Old people. Old habits.”

Laughter bubbled out of your chest, and you realized a few things.

In that moment, it didn’t matter – the heartache, the unrequited side of your love. It was just a fact, a fact of life, of your life, that you a lot of the times loved him as more than your best friend. You loved him. And that was the core of it, the most important fact.

And you knew he loved you – you had each other – in this big, ever-changing, modern world, you had Bucky and Bucky had you.

You sat in comfortable, familiar silence until your eyelids grew heavy and you felt yourself drifting in and out of consciousness.

“You dozin’ on me, sugar?”

“It’s been a long day.” You said with your eyes still closed, feeling him chuckle beside you.

“Tell me about it. I can go—”

“You know damn well you should stay.” You patted his arm and hoisted yourself up from the floor. “I’ll get the pull-up ready for you.”

As you sauntered towards the office, ignoring his pleads and protests that he’s got it, he doesn’t need sheets or anything, you put your dog tags back on.

They jingled lightly against your heart.

Maybe you didn’t have to leave all of the past behind to start building something good and new, after all.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes imagine

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blu-joons · 3 years

Text

DATING PENTAGON A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Ko Shinwon

A ⇴ AFFECTION

Whenever he’s walking around without his shirt on, Shinwon will make an extra effort to be affectionate towards you and remind you how good his body is. He loves making you blush by squeezing you tight against his bare chest.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING

You were working as a photographer for one of Pentagon’s shoots when you first met Shinwon. Of course, as the visual, you’d been told to put an extra focus on him, directing him meticulously so the photos were perfect. It was fair to say, when the boys looked over the magazine, they were more than pleased with your work.

C ⇴ CONFESSION

The members loved your work so much, that they asked their management specifically to have you work on their next album shoot too. This time around, Shinwon was determined not to be so quiet, and at the end of the shoot when you were packing away your equipment, he crept over to you and finally introduced himself properly, letting you know that he’d had his eye on you for quite some time, enquiring if you were free that evening.

D ⇴ DATES

You’d never met a man as into shopping, and specifically clothes shopping, as much as Shinwon. He loved to head out with you and find new pieces to add to his wardrobe, although he was a little more reluctant to shop for you as well. You always ended up leaving with far too many bags, it was a struggle for both of you to even make it back to the car with how much you’d bought. Having someone enjoy your hobby as much as you did though was definitely something you appreciated about dating Shinwon.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE

He’d been spotted before on rumoured dates and with female friends, and so Shinwon knew that he had to be careful when he was out with you to make sure that you were protected. More than anything else, he wants to keep you safe and be mindful of your own protection when the two of you go out, and so he’ll always make sure to check over his route before you go out anywhere. Having been seen before, he’s wary about if it happens again, not on your own terms, and what the fans may think.

F ⇴ FIGHTING

At times, Shinwon’s temper can certainly get the better of him, something that you’ve been on the receiving end of on more than one occasion. He’s often guilty of speaking before thinking and letting his frustrations out before realising what’s actually going on. When you feel as if he’s unfairly shouting at you, you won’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and yell back at him until one of you eventually backs down. With a bit of time, the two of you always work things out, but with how stubborn Shinwon can be, arguments never go away straight away, they always need a bit of time to be figured out.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY

Every time he saw his family, he always showed them pictures of the things that the two of you got up to, so when you went to meet his family for the very first time, it felt as if they already knew almost every single thing there was to know about you, surprising you by just how much they actually knew thanks to Shinwon.

H ⇴ HOME

Moving you into his home was a slow build up for Shinwon. The last thing he wanted to do was move too quickly and risk messing things up, and so he cautiously suggested you stay over for a night, gradually working up until he felt like the two of you were ready to take the big step and hand over the keys.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU”

Shinwon is very open and honest about how he’s feeling, so when he was having a random ramble about anything that came to mind, he couldn’t stop himself before he was pouring out his feelings to you. The last thing you expected was for love to be mentioned, although, you couldn’t hide your smile when you realised what he’d said.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

His temper could definitely end up getting in the way whenever Shinwon get jealous too, before he let things fizzle out of control, he’d always go over and stand incredibly closely into your side to deter anyone from overstepping any boundaries. You can only laugh at how protective he is of you, even if there are times when he doesn’t need to be. Even though you’ll know jealousy is most definitely the cause of it, Shinwon will always reject that suggestion, assuring you he just likes being by your side.

K ⇴ KIDS

Having a family is something that Shinwon definitely wants one day, but whilst his focus is on the group and music, he doesn’t tend to entertain too many conversations about it. He wants to live in the now and not fret too much about what may or may not happen later down the line. When kids feels like a bit more of a reality, then he’ll be much more open towards discussing having a family with you.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER

For all his hot-headed moments, Shinwon is also a huge prankster, forever winding you up by setting things up around the apartment that can make you jump or cause a mess that somehow you have to clean up. You’re very good at getting your own back on Shinwon though, he’s easily scared, which you love to use to your advantage, often hiding around the house and jumping out on him when he least expects it. Prank wars is very much a thing between the two of you, forever trying to outdo each other with who can scare the other one the most and who can end up creating the most mess as well.

M ⇴ MISSING

Shinwon has a tendency to shrug off missing you whenever anyone ever asks how he’s feeling, especially when it comes to missing you. It’s hard on him, especially at meet and greets when so many of the fans want to compliment your relationship and tell him how sweet the two of you are. It’s then, when he misses the sweet moments with you, being able to hug you and tell you about his day without having to worry what time it is and whether you’ll be awake or tucked up in bed, not wanting to be disturbed. It’s hard on him, but he’ll always do his best to smile through the pain for the sake of everyone else.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES

You love to tease Shinwon by calling him a ‘diva.’ He hates it, and you really can get under his skin with the nickname, but even he can’t deny how apt it is sometimes, and how much of a diva he really can be.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

He’s obsessed with your body, he often finds himself just staring at you in awe, but most of all he loves to hold you and find new sweet spots against your skin.

P ⇴ PDA

Whenever you’re in public, he’s always cautious of not making too big of a deal, but also not wanting there to be any distance between the two of you. Whilst he’s happy to make it known that the two of you are together, he’s not someone that will go too over the top, preferring to relax things and keep gestures subtle.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

He’ll often ask for your opinion on various things, especially when it comes to outfits and things that he should take on tour or for shoots. Although he knows he looks good, he loves to hear it come from you as well.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS

Shinwon will always make sure to wear the bracelet that you bought for him in amongst all of his other ones whenever he’s away from home, and you. You can always spot it during any broadcast or fan cam, and although to everyone else that’s watching him it just seems as if it’s another bracelet, to you, you know the importance of it, and just how much it means to you to see him wearing it, thinking of you.

S ⇴ SEX

The mood is often a great determiner in how intimacy goes for the two of you, sometimes Shinwon will love to dominate and prove to you that he’s the man, other times he’ll be happy to let you be the dominate one, especially if he’s had a rough day. The two of you often find yourselves in the bedroom after an argument as well, Shinwon’s temper definitely calms itself down that way, and leaves you happy too.

T ⇴ TEXTS

You’ll often receive texts when he’s out and about, tending to be pictures of things that he’s spotted that he wants your opinion on. A new shirt, or perhaps a menu for dinner, he’ll always send it to you immediately.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE

At times, he could be a bit of a complex person, and yet you understood exactly who he was with ease. Whilst others were often confused by him, you got it, each and every time, you knew exactly who Shinwon was.

V ⇴ VACATION

When the time came for the two of you to go away, Shinwon made sure to spoil you like you never had been before. Not only did he want to treat you to a holiday somewhere special, but he also wanted to use the time to say thank you to you for being there for him through so much and understanding how busy he was too.

W ⇴ WHINING

There were definitely times when Shinwon would be known to whine for your attention, if he was feeling needy, then he’d definitely let you know about it.

X ⇴ XXXXX

He loved to tease you the most when it came to kisses, winding you up and often leaving you wanting more, only to see him walking away. He couldn’t help but be playful when it came to kisses, pulling against your lip, or sucking gently against the nape of your neck, when he heard little hums come from your lip, Shinwon knew it was time to pull away, knowing that it wouldn’t take long before you’d chase him down.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were his reason to smile, he was just so unbelievably happy around you.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

Shinwon tended to sleep with his shirt off, which was something about him which you were silently a big fan of. He could tell though, by the way you fell asleep blushing most nights, that you enjoyed being able to touch.

---

Masterlist

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jarofstyles · 4 years

Text

Fan Club VII

A/N: Part 7. This is the end my friends. We had a blast writing this, making it as special as we could. This part is all the good things, fluff, smut, sentimental moments. Also, peep the mention of @jawllines (single dad!harry) and @darthstyles (mafia!harry) fics within this fic 😉Anyways, hope you enjoy! - n + d

send feedback and requests here

masterlist

pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

warnings: smut, fluff, sentimental stuff

word count: 20k 😅

Y/N missed her boyfriend.

She knew he was a busy man and that he had a tight schedule now that he was getting ready to release his new album. It was something she knew would come along with dating Harry, but no one could ever prepare you for that. He wasn’t purposely trying to ignore her and that got her through it most days. She had gotten used to having him at her disposal, so maybe she was just spoiled. He was currently away in Scotland, checking out a location for a potential music video. He had shared with her that he had this idea about creating a whole island, it was a concept that was still in the works, but she was really excited about it. So naturally, she was excited to hear he was going to attempt to bring it to life.

The bakery was becoming a lot busier as well. Katya said it was because of her, but Y/N begged to differ. Sure, she knew Harry’s fans would come and support her bakery, but she hadn’t realized just how much. It was stressful trying to meet high demand, they certainly didn’t have the staff for it. It would all be over better today though. Y/N had gotten a text for Harry asking if she could come pick him up from the airport and Y/N couldn’t say no. Usually, he’d just get a car home, but clearly he wanted to see her. He’d said he ordered a car for her to come and get him in. She was dressed comfortably at the airport, even brought a cute little sign for him as she waited at the domestic gate.

Harry missed Y/N desperately. Too much. A lot. All those words. She was what he had needed, the cool water in the desert. Being away from her when they'd just started being together for real was difficult. Though they talked every day and texted and FaceTimed at night, it wasn’t the same.

So he formulated a plan. A genius one if you’d ask him! One that would have her extremely excited and him getting all the alone time he was craving. Booking a trip to Bali and getting a private villa was a bit easy, not going to lie. He asked for things to be provided and they were— a perk of the famous. The most private villa— which seemed counterproductive considering their original terms, but he wanted to know her. See if this can really work out. Harry was 99% sure he loved her. But there were things he had to work through with her to truly get to the level he wanted to be. Talking about what bothered him even though word of mouth was a thousand times harder than song. Who knew inflection made things so easy?

When he landed, he had made sure that Y/N’s bag was in the jet. They were refueling and then taking off again. The private jet mainly because it was a longer ride and he wanted to start her birthday trip off well.

“Well, well, well.” He smiled as he entered the private gate. She was in front of the car and holding a little sign. “There’s my girl. With such a cute little sign, too.”

Y/N was so excited to see him, patiently waiting for him to come out of the gate. When she saw a familiar head of curly hair she smiled widely, jumping into his arms once he was close enough and wrapped herself around his body. She nuzzled her face into his neck, “I missed you so much.” She mumbled against his skin.

She pulled away enough to press a kiss to his lips firmly. She kept it tame, smiling against his lips before going to press kisses all over his face making sure she made a ‘mwuah’ sound. “How was your trip?” Y/N cooed, pushing pieces of hair away from his face so she could see him better. She couldn’t even wait for him to finish, she was always kissing at his face again. She really had missed him.

“I don’t know if you’re hungry, but I’m thinking we can order in tonight and just have a nice cuddle and watch a movie. Just wanna hold you for a while. Can’t believe you’ve been gone for a week.” Y/N pouted, “how am I going to live when you go on tour?” She honestly didn’t want to think about that right now.

Harry relished in the greeting. None of his other girlfriends had ever been this excited to see him again. Actually... no one had. The kisses were what he had missed so much the affection was what had him thriving the most though.

“Hmmm. Well, that sounds very nice. However.” He smirked, gently placing her down and cupping her cheeks. “We are actually going on a bit of a trip. For your birthday. And our plane leaves in 45 minutes.” The confusion on her face was priceless. He loved how genuinely shocked she was. “Come on.” He took her hands in his and gently dragged her into the airport, taking the bag she had from the driver and ignoring her surprised sputtering, he dragged her further into the building.

“Relax. I had my assistant grab the bag I packed when I came back for the two days.” He smirked. “That’s why stuff was missing. Yes I am devious, and you’ll adore me for it. But you’re being spoiled and it’s so close to your birthday. So, it’s my boyfriend duty to make you feel like one of those Disney princesses.”

“What?” Y/N’s brows furrowed as he spoke. A trip? They were going somewhere? For her birthday? Y/N took his hand and followed him, shaking her head as she chuckled in disbelief. “What about—” she went to ask but he had told her that he had packed her a bag. Y/N genuinely didn’t know what to think. “Wait.” She stopped him for a moment, just taking a look at him and soaking it in. “Thank you, so much. Really, you’re—” Y/N just looked at him fondly and gave him a hug. She really did love him with her whole heart, she couldn’t tell him that. She didn’t want to freak him out. “Thank you. You’re the best.” She smiled up at him and continued to walk to security. “Wow you got my passport and everything, you’re a sneaky bugger.” Y/N chuckled, shaking her head as they went through the security checkpoint and followed him to wherever they were meant to be going. “Babe? Are you going to tell me where we are going or?”

“Hmmm. Maybe in the plane.” Harry hummed. It was incredible to him that she just trusted him. Trusted to have her things she needed, didn't think twice and just nodded her head with a slight pout on her face. Trust was something missing in all his other relationships, he was finding. It didn’t take long to get past the checkpoint, Harry's hand holding hers and swinging it in his own as they got to the private gate. It was a room instead of exposed because their jet was just for them and the crew. “What I can tell you is that it’s warm, there is water, and you’ll love it. Can’t tell you the exact place but, you’ll love it and be so happy with me and it’ll be happily ever after.” He was teasing but he could see the excitement in her face when he said beach. Y/N deserves to travel. He knew it was a dream of hers so he was planning on letting her come to as many shows as she wanted. At least the Europe leg. Whatever he could do to keep her around longer.

Y/N pouted, but knew that no matter where they went, she would be really happy. She trusted Harry and he definitely would pick a fun place for them to, but what really mattered was spending time with him one on one. Sure, they spent a lot of time together doing things for PR but this was real. For the first time they were going somewhere together without Jeff planning it, they were a real couple and her contract was coming to an end. This was something that Harry had chosen to do for her because he genuinely wanted to and she couldn’t have been more grateful.

“hmmm somewhere warm?” She smiled at that. “Ooo I can't wait to swim! Haven’t done that in a while.” Y/N giggled and wrapped her arms around him again as they got cozy in the private waiting room. “Was I the last person to know about this?” Y/N chuckled, seeing as she had gotten a text from her sister telling her to enjoy her trip. Katya definitely would have made sure Harry got all the things she needed, she probably told him where her passport and shit was.

“Exactly the last. Your sister helped me coordinate getting today off.” Harry smirked. It felt so good to have successfully pulled off this surprise. “When I was younger, I was terrible at surprises. You know that? My mum never had a surprise until I was about 12, because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.” Y/N seemed intrigued. “During Christmas... I was about 6... I waited just until she had a present in her lap that my sister and I had picked out. And I got so excited I had kept a secret, the moment she peeled back the paper I screamed that it was a purse.” He shook his head in disappointment in his 12 year old self. “Really though, I’m lucky. It’s all going very smoothly.” Harry was properly proud of himself, knowing that it was not his strong suit to keep from messing up surprises. “I am happy because I also bought you some new things.” His smirk turned devilish. The bikinis and the dresses he got would be so easy to rip off. Delicious.

“But I want a proper kiss. Haven’t seen you in weeks.” His pout was soft but he gave her his puppy eyes, had on her waist.

Y/N smiled at the story she had heard him tell many times in interviews. She let him have his moment though, he hasn’t told it to her personally yet. That made it special. So she laughed at the punch line, smiling fondly at him as she cupped his cheek and pecked his lips.

“I know, baby.” She cooed, letting her thumb smooth over the corner of his lips, the little bit of stubble there making her smile. It was cute really, the feeling of his stubble was she used to remind herself that this was real. That he really was finally hers. “Oh yeah?” She asked, wondering what he could have possibly bought for her? Dresses, lingerie, bikinis, sex toys? It could mean anything. “You are doing really well with the surprises, you know? Feel like you can tell me what you bought.” Y/N hummed, moving her hand lower cupping his neck. Y/N crawled into his lap, deciding that since it was a private room they could do this if they wanted. A nice, proper, passionate kiss. It wasn’t sloppy, in fact the opposite. Every move was intentional. She quietly moaned against his mouth, just feeling so satisfied in that moment.

Harry hadn’t been able to touch her in a while and he had missed it. One of the things he kissed the most when he was gone was how she would make tiny little noises when they’d kiss. There were so many things that were purely Y/N that he adored so much, he couldn’t stop himself from appreciating them a thousand times more.

“Missed you so much, baby.” He murmured against her mouth. Slightly wet and pink, her warm mouth melded Over his perfectly. She smelled like peaches and cream and mouth tasted like vanilla mint, and just that taste that was distinctively hers. “Don’t like being away from you so long.” Her fingers fit perfectly on the side of his neck, every bit of their bodies connecting like puzzle pieces together. There was something so different about her. So uniquely Y/N that no one else could even attempt to recreate.

Y/N whimpered, “missed you too, bubba.” She severely underestimated how much she missed kissing him. His kiss was always firm, his lips plump, and he always tasted like cinnamon. It was the only way to describe the warmth of his taste. Her thumb brushed over his jaw, humming against his lips in response. “Neither do I, but I know it’s part of your job, baby.” Y/N sponged another kiss to his lips. “We’ll get better at it.” She spoke softly, pulling away a little bit to catch her breath and just look at him. The more times they spent time away from each other the easier it would get to get used to being away.

“But... I got you some clothes. Some pretty dresses and bikinis. A few toys.” Harry hummed. Oh, she would be having a very fun few outings with him. “We will be experimenting a bit but it will just be the two of us for the first two days. I have to admit, I’m selfish with my time with you. I want the proper time to talk and kiss you. My sweet Malysh.” He’d been looking up nicknames as well.

Malysh. He called her baby.

The look on Y/N’s face must have been priceless. Lips parting in surprise, eyes bright and full of wonder. Not only at what he has said about experimenting, but also at the word. She never knew she needed to hear him say that, but it was now her favorite thing to come out of his mouth. The corner of Harry’s lip quirked up at her shock. Sure, he knew why. It wasn’t expected of him to be dropping those, but he felt like it would mean a lot to her if he would learn some more of her other language and speak a bit of it to her. Plus, he had the kink for the girl talking in it to him. So. Their sex had been filled with her purring things to him into his ear in Russian. A sure fire way to get him to cum. One time she had been sucking him off and asked him to cum in her mouth in the language and he lost it immediately. A bit smug, his girl was.

“I learned a few. But I’ll hold some off on you. I’ll call you baby in English and Russian and you’ll love it.” Harry kissed her nose tenderly. Y/N was a happy bundle of mush on his lap after that word though. He hadn’t expected her to be so shocked but he did remember she hadn’t been in the room while he looked at YouTube videos to figure out how to pronounce them. “Want to be close to you. Figured... could learn some stuff on my own. Show you I meant what I said.” About being serious with her. About truly adoring every fiber of her being. He hadn’t told her that he loved her yet— that would happen through his sneaky planning he wasn’t allowing her to know of yet.

Y/N closed her eyes, purring as he kissed her face. All the affection she had been missing this week was being made up to her, she couldn’t wait till they were properly alone so she could truly feel like he had made up for his absence. He was buttering her up too, calling her pet names in Russian, it being her birthday, him buying her things. Him being so sweet and romantic made her want to jump his bones.

“That is so fucking cute.” Y/N chuckled, truly endeared by hearing him say that. She didn’t care if he spoke in English or in Russian, but it was more the fact that he wanted to make her feel good and show that he was trying to be a part of her culture. It made her heart sing. She couldn’t be more in love with him. She pecked his lips one more time before nuzzling her face in his neck, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath. “How long are we going to be away for?” Y/N asked curiously, wondering how he managed to schedule time off for her and for himself for this trip. She still couldn’t believe he did this for her.

“10 days.” Harry smiled. It was good just to hold her and make her feel appreciated and cared for. Being away for a few weeks made him crave her affection even more. He hadn’t properly even touched her yet. It was driving him mad. “I cleared my schedule for your birthday. I had asked Katya if she thought you’d rather stay home and have a party but she laughed in my face.” It was quite funny, actually. Having gone in on one of Y/N’s off days and questioning about what she thought would be the better plan. “And then I told her I would pay wages for two people to come help the workload so she wouldn’t be swamped, and she was very happy.” They truly were very busy in the bakery. Their food was adored. “She’s very funny, actually. Told me that you have a doll of me.” Her blush was immediate. “Oiiii. Don’t be embarrassed. I think it’s utterly adorable. It’s the one i found yeah? the one that makes me look like Susan Boyle?”

Y/N’s mouth dropped, “10 days?” She wondered how on earth he managed that. Maybe that’s why he’s been working so hard and been away for longer than usual? He had fully put off 10 days of his career for her. To her that seemed so crazy, cause the Harry she knew rarely took a break when preparing for an album cycle. “Aw, thank you baby.” She smiled, pecking his lips a few times. “I’m sure Katya really appreciated it. I mean, in all honesty we are so packed nowadays that I think we have to hire more staff once we get back anyway.” Y/N admitted, cringing at the fact Katya told him about the doll. “Yes. The Susan Boyle one for that exact reason.” She giggled, pecking his lips once again.

Their chat was interrupted by the captain inviting them and the crew to come out into the plane. They were actually leaving now. Vacation would start now. Y/N squealed as Harry stood up with her in his arms. She grabbed the bag she had with her and wrapped her legs around his waist, holding on to his shoulders as he walked out to the plane. Harry held her in his arms.

“Don’t feel like letting go.” Was his simple answer to it. She was warm and soft and smelled good, he had missed her and if she was okay with it he didn’t plan on stopping touching her until he was forced to.The jet was spacious, having a private cabin that they could take a nap in, a nice bathroom and plus leather seats. “For the takeoff we have to sit but then we can go lay in the bed back there and snuggle.” He murmured, gently placing her in one of the comfortable chairs. It was cute to see her first reaction. Just like his, seeming unbelievable at where she was. He had grown a bit used to it but Y/N gave him that lovely reality check each time. Her hand was grabbed as soon as seatbelts were buckled, gently squeezing when they took off. She seemed excited though— bouncing in her seat once they’d reached the proper altitude that wasn’t a bit nerve wracking.

“Okay. I’ll be in the bed cabin with her, we will ring if we want something.” Harry said to the fight attendant who nodded politely, seemingly relieved to have an easy flight. “C’mon little kitten. We can lay and talk about where we’re going.”

Y/N couldn’t believe it. This was theirs, just them and the crew. She looked around in wonder, pausing when he mentioned the bed. “There is a bed?” Y/N’s eyes were wide. It was truly something she never thought she’d experience and yet here she was. Y/N began to get curious all over again. She wasn’t sure how long they’d be in the air or where they were going. He had given her a hint but there were tons of places where it was warm and there was water. All of which she would like to go to. She said a small thank you to the flight attendant, walking with Harry to the back of the plane. “This is so cool.” Y/N looked around in awe, quickly sitting down on the bed. She took off her shoes and pulled her hair out of its bun for comfort, glad she stuck with leggings, a T—shirt and Harry’s Randy’s donuts hoodie.

Harry loved when she looked so cozy and snuggly. It made him want to crawl inside the hoodie with her, snuggle up for days and not leave. Just have their skin against each other and be warm. It was a type of love that he had heard about many times but never expected to have himself. Wanting to be so close and hold her and kiss her. Not just sex. Not just attention. But genuine feelings.

“Come on then.” He kicked his shoes off and laid with his arms open for her. The girl looked like she was beaming as he got a body full of Y/N launches at him. A fit of giggles left the girl and were very contagious, making him smile even larger. “Alright, silly girl.” He sighed. Kissing the top of her head. “So... I booked us a nice little trip. A private villa in Bali. It’s one of the most private places in the world for us. We can just... be together and not worry about anything else. Nothing has to be posted except what we want to.” Harry loved playing with her hair, so he gently ran his fingers through the locks while he talked, untangling ant little knots with care.

“Bali!?” She looked at him with eyes full of wonder, “private villa? Oh my god!!!” Y/N couldn’t help but get excited over these kinds of things. She had never been to a private villa, hell, she had never been anywhere this far from home before. The only person she’d ever think about doing that with was Harry anyway. Y/N let her hand cup his cheek again, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. “I’m so excited to be alone with you.” She whispered, “couldn’t have asked for anything better.” Y/N really couldn’t have. 10 days spent with her favorite person just doing whatever they wanted. No worries, no requirements, just whatever they wanted they would do.

“We’ll go swimming and go see all the tropical animals and stuff! Maybe we can find a waterfall and swim there? I’ve always wanted to do that... feel like I always see it in movies and I just— I've always wanted to do that with you.” Y/N blushed, moving her hand from his cheek down to his chest, then his stomach, before finally letting her hand go under his shirt and just rest against his torso. It was still a lot to understand. That she had known him before she knew him. That he had been her crush for so long and he hadn’t a clue. It wasn’t bad, though. More so interesting to think someone he adored had adored him so much longer than he could imagine.

“Don’t be embarrassed, angel.” Harry cooed. “I like that you get excited to do things with me. Trust me— s’a relief that I don’t have to compete with other men for all your attention. S’always been on me.” The primal part of him nearly purred at that realization. He had been the one she had loved and lusted over. “I’m happy to be all alone with you too. Always have had people over our shoulders, and I was a proper dickhead for a long time. Even though I just wanted to do this with you.” He had been so angry at himself back then for craving this— but he knew now it’s because his heart knew best. “I wanted to plan the best possible birthday for you. I think I know you well... but I want to know you so much better. Like you so much, and I want to keep going.”

Y/N smiles a bit to herself, “yeah, it has.” She giggled as she watched him get all excited about that fact all over again. Sure she knew Harry had given attention to other women, written songs about them that made her cry on his behalf. But she was here to fix it all, make him feel loved and help him realize that him being himself is what people love the most. “I mean, you were a dick... it wasn’t completely warranted, but I’m letting it slide.” Y/N teased, “you definitely make it up to me on a daily basis.” She cooed, pressing a few pecks to his lips again. Y/N really couldn’t stop kissing him. It had been a whole week of being away from him and watching him through a screen. She was used to doing that, sure, but she hasn’t had to do that since before she met Harry. She smiled widely, “you definitely have... I always dreamed about being able to go somewhere where it was just you and me... where we could just relax and be... us.” Y/N told him genuinely, “and it’s all real. No one but us, that’s such a nice feeling.”

“Mhm. I have lots of things to ask you about too. Got a fan girl right here and I have access to all the dirty secrets!” Harry genuinely had been interested in getting to know how the fans thought of things and what she liked and didn’t like about his career and the band beforehand. “It’s amazing to me. That you were brought into my life so weirdly. Everything surely happens for a reason, but even so... seems too perfect. I wish I hadn’t ignored the way I was so pulled to you for so long.” He sighed, gently pulling her closer. His pout was soft but he knew that Y/N wasn’t upset anymore. “It’s a lovely Villa. I chose one with some glass walls facing the ocean. I got it stocked so we don’t have to leave unless we want to... but we can do whatever you’d like.”

“Dirty secrets, aye? Feel like I told you most of it. But yes, I do know too much for my own good.” Y/N chuckled, “like that story about surprises? I knew that story, but I wanted you to tell it to me. It was special.” She couldn’t help but blush, genuinely so in awe of him and everything he did. “And the story of how you told your mom that Gemma was a drug dealer.” Y/N often thought about their relationship in that context, feeling like she loved him more than he loved her because of just how much she knew about him. She tried her best to tell Harry as much as she could when he asked, wanting him to be just as informed about her. Y/N could tell he genuinely wanted to know too, but she didn’t like talking about herself that much. “UgH that sounds amazing!” Y/N moaned at the thought, “all of that. The not having to leave the house. All of it.” She hummed and leaned into him a bit farther deciding another kiss was overdue. Her hand was still under his shirt, making its way to his chest. “I missed you.” Y/N murmured against his lips, definitely referencing something a little less wholesome this time around. Now that they were properly alone, she could address it.

“I know, baby. Missed you too.” God, did he. After getting regular sex, mind blowing sex, and going back to his hand? It sucked. The phone sex was great, but nothing compared to touch her. Harry was a touchy person and liked her touches. Set him on fire. “Got so used to having you every day.. waking up inside of you. Didn’t have it and it was awful.” They’d had plenty of lazy morning sexy, initiated by either one of them. The perfect way to start the day, and being deprived of it was hell.” He murmured. Having a body like Y/N’s against his was heaven, though. Soft in places other girls he had been in weren’t— he had been missing out. Truly though? He was excited to know that he could work and try and keep her forever. “Hate being away from you. Got so used to being together every night, it sucked going to bed alone.”

Y/N hummed against his lips, “feel so empty when you’re not there.” She meant both literally and physically. She had been spoiled rotten with having him around. They didn’t technically live together, but she was basically around him every night. It was weird to have to sleep in her own bed, it didn’t feel the same. She missed seeing him read before bed while she did all her skincare in the bathroom, missed snuggling up to him and feeling safe and warm. “You’re here now though. Got you for a whole ten days.” Y/N smiled triumphantly, “luckiest girl in the world I am. I scientifically have the most attractive boyfriend in the world, have the most thoughtful and talented boyfriend in the world, and... get the best sex in the world as well.” She felt like she had won at life. Everyone wanted Harry. Everyone wished that they knew him or were with him or could know him, and yet she was the only one that got all of him. Y/N got to experience just how incredible he was and she made sure that everyone knew it too. Not in a show offy way, but more in a ‘I’m so proud that this is my baby he’s so great and I love him, please keep giving him love’ way.

Harry snickered at that comment. Lord, she was funny. Talking about the scientifically perfect face, apparently it was supposed to be true which was funny considering he had seen plenty better looking men in his lifetime. It only mattered to him that Y/N thought he was the good looking one.

“Well... we have all the days now to be alone and have as much sex as we want. And we can stare at each other’s perfect faces.” He smirked. Y/N had the most amazing natural and raw beauty to her. Amazing with makeup, but even just bare faced he was shocked as hell. It was amazing. “I like to think about how I think you were sent to me like an angel.” He mused. “Was so mean and yet, you still adored me and gave me reassurance when I needed it. It’s amazing to me to think how much you’ve given me in such a short amount of time.”

“Mmm two of my favorite things, sex and staring at your face. Though I could argue it’s the same thing.” Y/N teased, kissing his lips. Sometimes she said things that were a bit more fan-like, just to see him blush and get his live reaction to it. “Think I just knew that you weren’t really a dick. Knew that when I had that panic attack after we went out to dinner, you didn’t have to do all that and yet you did.” Y/N smiled softly, remembering how reassured she felt that night. “As a fan I did nothing but adore you and as your girlfriend, who is still very much a fan, I’ll continue to do the same.” She didn’t know if he quite understood the extent to which he had helped her become who she was. Didn’t think he fully knew how many fans loved him just as much as she did but she was the lucky one. “Sometimes I wish I could let fans in on what it’s like, wish that they too could be in my place.... but then I remember it’s all meant for me, and that just makes me really soft.” She blushed.

“Mhm. Only for you.” Harry didn’t plan on dating anyone else. Y/N had him under lock and key and she barely knew it. It was still very new, and he knew that much. However he was hoping that maybe she would want to stay with him. For a good while. “It’s a good thing because I’m a liiiitle bit obsessed with you, sweetheart.” He admitted. “Showed everyone your photo when I was away working. They were all blown away by how pretty you are. Kept asking why you weren’t there and had to explain you work in an amazing bakery and it’s booming, so I couldn’t have taken you. Quite rude if you ask me.” He pouted, obviously teasing at the last bit. He decided then to dip his fingers underneath the pants she was wearing, getting some skin contact as well. Also, he kind of just wanted to squeeze her ass. It was incredible. Perfect size, shape, was soft in his hands. He couldn’t wait to fuck it, when she felt comfortable.

Y/N giggled at that, “I think have you beat, babe.” She chuckled knowing that if they were talking about who was obsessed with who, Y/N took the crown. It still felt really good to hear Harry say that he was a bit obsessed with her. It made her feel really special. “Aw angel!” She cooed, “ but you know I would have been there if I could have.” Y/N said with a pout and pecked his lower lip a few times. “But know you’ve actually gotten me away for 10 days from my booming bakery. So I guess I can leave after all.” She said, pretending to be offended though it did warm her heart. They really just wanted everyone to know they were together and happy, wanted to show off each other's accomplishments. She relaxed a bit more as his hand traveled under her pants, smirking a bit because they really had gotten comfortable with doing things like this whenever they felt like it. “Did you like those pictures I sent?” Y/N purred, remembering how proud she was of the nudes she had sent. They were perfectly custom, knowing Harry and what made him tick made it so easy.

The air changed a bit, the pictures rolling through his head. “Fuckin’ loved em. But the surprise ones you sent out while I was with lots of other people were quite naughty.” She liked to play with him and send photos he would open around others. Not of her face. Beautiful photos that he had gotten off to when she had already fallen asleep. He’d missed her touch too much. “Truly loved all of them. It was hard though, cause I couldn’t go home and take out all that lent up shit on you.” They’d teased each other plenty in the time they’d been official with photos and videos and dirty texts. It was hot, one of the hottest things. “Still can’t believe you went to the bathroom to take a photo of your panties during work.” He had been sending her dirty texts all about what he wanted to do to her that moment, and he had gotten a photo of wet panties in response. Even with her innocent face, she was trouble.

Y/N sat rather smug, enjoying the feeling in Harry’s hand rubbing and kneading her ass as if he was preparing her for what was about to happen. Well, she hoped it would. “That’s the point, isn’t it?” She had truly loved teasing Harry, especially when she knew he was with people or if he wasn’t expecting it. The only thing that would make it better would be being able to see his reaction. “Don’t know why you can’t believe it, that’s a very me thing to do.” Y/N chuckled a bit, her eyes turning rather dark as she started looking at Harry with a much more hungry gaze. “Talked about spreading me open and making me squirt... I was about to call you right in the bathroom.” She admitted, knowing she definitely would have gotten off at work if she could.

She really was amazed at how compatible they were in all forms of the word. In style, in taste, in sex drive, in neediness. It was as if they were made for each other and frankly it had Y/N thinking that maybe she wasn’t crazy when she was younger thinking the same thing. They really were that couple.

“What? s’one of my favorite things. You know I love it messy.” Harry did. Y/N had spit in his mouth and vice versa multiple times, their kisses got wet, he let his face get covered in her arousal. There was so much they did that he loved. “Would have been nice to have called me so I could have helped you get off in there.” He would have done it in seconds. Y/N got very needy and more obedient when it comes to sex. They luckily were both people pleasers and got off on it. “Know what I’m thinking about?” He dropped his voice a bit. “Thinkin’ about fucking you on this bed. I like that you get loud. Could let that attendant hear how good I fuck you.” He could feel her squirm a bit, a sign she was aroused. “Hm. I think you like people being a bit jealous, too. Like when people know that I’m yours and that I give it to you.” Harry noticed little things about her like that. “Also keep thinking about that first night, when you let me rub your cunt under that bar. How easily you spread your legs for me so I could touch. Loved that.”

Y/N whimpered at the thought. “Way to call me out like that.” She mumbled, climbing so she was on top of him. Y/N knew he said he wanted to fuck her, but part of her really enjoyed how he manhandled her and pushed her down on the bed. “You’re mine. Love knowing people wish they were me, a power trip it is.” She hummed and sat up so she could take off the sweat shirt and T shirt at the same time so that she was just in a bra. It was quite a sexy bra. It's a shame though, as Harry had felt, she hadn’t been wearing panties.

“Hm. Got prepared for me?” Harry noticed the lack of panties and pretty bra, way too pretty to casually wear under a sweatshirt for no reason. Y/N knew she would be getting fucked decently soon after seeing him. He leaned back in the pillows, rubbing his hands down her sides. All of it was his to lick and suck and kiss, to cum on— he knew just how much she liked getting messy.

“Have to call you out on it, my angel. It’s the hottest thing. I love that you’re a bit cocky about it.” About him. She was that proud of having bagged him.

Y/N smiled down at him before moving her hands down to the hem of his shirt and began pushing it up. “You get a bit too cocky sometimes, have to remember I have to share you.” Y/N spoke, eventually removing the T shirt he was wearing and letting her hands smooth over his warm skin. “But this part of you? I have all to myself. Don’t have to share your cock with anyone, cause it’s mine.” Her voice dropped a little, hips adding a little pressure to his. Y/N wanted to lean down and kiss him but she really wanted to see him snap. A moan escaped her at the thought of them doing something like that again. Y/N knew that would be one of the most erotic experiences of her life, watching other people watch Harry made her cry from pleasure. “Gonna let me ride your cock in here?” She asked curiously. They had been fucking raw for a while. Y/N had started taking birth control when they started dating because it was part of the contract, it had come in handy though, especially because Harry loved to fill her with his cum.

“Mhm.. Gonna have you walk out of here with a cunt full of cum. Have it dripping down your thighs and gonna feel it all.” Harry loved that. “Know I used a few pairs of your panties I stuck into my bag to get off.” He loved doing that. “Came right on the part where you pussy would be. Felt so fucking good, like you were almost there with me.” He pressed his hips up into hers, quickly taking over and flipping them. Hovering over her always made him feel good. “Would you let me do that for you one day? Wear my cum around all day, remind you of who your precious pussy belongs to?” Harry had been deprived for a long time, so dirtier desires were coming out for her.

“Fucking love when you cum in my pussy.” Y/N growled a bit, nails digging into his skin. Harry was a freak and she loved it. It was something she only hoped was true about him and everyday he just proved to be more and more exciting in bed. She gasped when she said he came on her panties, giggling to herself because it was romantic in a way. A modern and kinky romance. Y/N moaned as he flipped them over, getting excited about getting to feel him. “Mhmm yes.” She hummed, letting her legs wrap around his hips and dug her heels into his backside to feel more pressure. “Get them wet all over again. It’ll feel so fucking good..”

“Know it will. You’re my dirty girl, always know you’ll let me have what I want.” It was amazing to truly be with someone who’s as open to anything with him. They were completely at ease with trying things and being filthy with one another— something he hadn’t ever thought possible. “Let’s get these pants off. Want to be inside of you.” Harry had missed it far too much, the way that she would clench and tighten up around him, how wet she got. Truly a delicious thing.

The waistband of the bottoms were grabbed, and Harry threw them to the side— his own pants following shortly after that. Just in his briefs, he returned to humping over her cunt. Immediately he felt her warmth seep through the thin fabric. “Gonna make anyone who can hear jealous. I love that you’re so vocal for me.” He knew this must have felt amazing, the friction of his briefs on her clit, her legs tightening around him. Taking her wrists, he pinned them above her head And held them together with one hand.

“Feels so fucking good!” She moaned out for him, smiling at the feeling because Y/N truly missed it more than anything. Feeling the weight of his cock on her, the friction, it was driving her absolutely mad. Harry had done an incredible job at getting Y/N horny, all this sexual talk always got her going and she was positive he knew that. She couldn’t believe how quickly she had gone from being insecure about her body to feeling like she was the most beautiful woman in the world all because of Harry. “Swear you’re the only one who can make time this wet without touching me.” She breathed out, a few squeaks and moans coming from her whenever he hit a particularly good spot. As much as she loved foreplay, she really just wanted him to fuck her. She’d missed his cock and was eager to have him fill her. “Please get in me.” Y/N begged, knowing that he’d either fuck her like this with her leg hooked on to his shoulder or take her from behind and rub her clit whilst doing so. Regardless, she wanted it.

Harry groaned in relief once he was inside of her. She was still incredibly tight, stretching around him as he slid himself inside. Her body was the perfect match to his, Harry lifting her leg so he could get even deeper inside of her. Kisses were given, his mouth sipping at hers as he gave a bit of time to adjust for her. It had been a bit since they’d been intimate. It was slow at first. Giving them both time to relish in the pure feelings they felt for one another, holding tight to each other as Harry got all the way in deep. As soon as she was adjusted though? Harry let loose a little. Thrusting shallowly, breathing in her whimpers of pleasure. It was wet and hot in her silky cunt and Harry couldn’t get enough of it.

“Don’t want to stay away from my pussy this long again. Da, Kiska?” Yes, Kitten? He snuck that in there.

Moans spilled from Y/N’s lips as Harry pushed himself inside her slowly, the slight burn of her walls stretching around him grounding her in ways she never thought imaginable. “You’re so fucking big.” She whimpered against his lips, “feel my pussy stretching for you? Feel how wet I am for you? All for you.” Y/N wasn’t sure if it was because they were up in the air or because they hadn’t fucked in a while, but the feeling in his shallow thrusts was already doing bits for her. The position of her legs allowed him to hit really deep, but he still rubbed up against her clit every time he moved his hips. She couldn’t kept her fucking mouth shut though, definitely being loud enough for the flight attendant to hear. “You look fucking sexy..” She breathed, “gonna make me cum so good... I’m so close.”

—

Y/N swore it was a dream. The villa was remote and stunning, private as private could possibly be. She had never been spoiled and cared for in this way, not only during this vacation but before then as well. Harry had managed to spoil her properly rotten and it seemed like with each day came more and more surprises. She couldn’t tell what her favorite part was. Was it the fact that they were completely alone? Was it the incredible mind blowing sex they were having? was it being able to constantly touch him and do whatever she wanted? Y/N really couldn’t choose, all the material things were just that. Y/N had been tanning every morning, wanting to soak up all the rays that she could before they returned to a dreary London. She had noticed Harry had been away for awhile and she started to wonder what he could have possibly been up to. Something seemed suspicious.

So, she got up from her chair to come inside and get a glass of water and maybe some tropical fruit to snack on from the fridge when she noticed Harry was arranging a bunch of boxes in the living room area. Y/N stood there quietly, sitting on her water and watching as the muscles of his back moved. He was wearing those little yellow trunks she told him she loved, his hair staying in place from the sunglasses he had put on top of his head. He seemed so focused.

“You good babe?”

“I’m great, my love.” Oh? Harry was having a ball. Y/N was looking gorgeous and giving him her undivided attention, he was about to give her tons of pretty presents for her pleasure and things he had been eyeing— he may have jacked her Amazon one night and sent himself the list so he could buy everything off of it. He rounded into the kitchen, grabbing her waist. The skin was hot from her being in the sun, soft from the lotion he had rubbed on to her body just a few hours prior. He was buzzed and feeling good. “I got you some presents.” He sang quietly. “I know I went overboard but please don’t be upset. I promise that I love buying you things and this was an ultimate excuse. Plus, there are some things in there for my selfish pleasure. So.” He laughed, pulling her back into his body so he could kiss all over her neck noisily.

Y/N raised her brows, giving him a ‘what are you up to?’ look. She set her water down as he made his way into the kitchen, taking one more piece of pineapple to nibble on as he spoke. “Babe...” She pouted, seeing as he certainly did go overboard. The amount of boxes in the living room was insane and she couldn’t even begin to imagine what on earth was in them. She couldn’t be to upset with him, he seemed so excited to have bought her all these things and she genuinely was thankful and grateful. She just couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that all of this was for her. The trip, the gifts, everything. It was all for her. “Is there now?” Y/N giggled as he kissed at her neck, scratchy because he hadn’t shaved in a bit and they were on vacation so he probably didn’t want to bother with that. “Thank you, baby, really. You do too much for me, can’t ever seem to thank you enough.” She cooed, kissing the side of his head and letting one of her hands play with his hair. “When do you want me to open them? And in what order hmm? Or are you gonna make me wait till tomorrow?”

“Can open them whenever you’d like. I have no particular order. Tomorrow’s gift isn’t one to be opened, per say.” Harry was vague for a reason. But Y/N knew he always had something up his sleeve. Now he was able to keep a few secrets. “I have to find a way to say thank you for eating all this fruit.” He nibbled on her a little bit. “Always taste good but taste especially fabulous these past few days.” He knew it had to do with the fresh fruit that was plentifully supplied. “However, I’m very much excited to see you open the things up. I got two extra suitcases delivered as well so they can be brought back easily.” It was a plethora of things she liked. Some books, makeup, shoes. Clothes. A few sex toys. A vibrator he could control on his phone. Lovely things.

Y/N rolled her eyes, “there is more tomorrow!?” She couldn’t believe this man. He was doing the absolutely most and she genuinely didn’t know how to react. Of course she was grateful and happy, but she truly couldn’t keep herself from bubbling over for much longer. Y/N was completely and utterly in love with Harry and she couldn’t say it yet. She wanted him to say it first, wanted him to feel ready to say it. “I like fruit though. I’m glad you’re enjoying it too.” Y/N giggled and pulled away from him slightly, making him look at her so she could grab his face with her hands and kiss him properly. Harry deserved it. He was doing so much for her, most likely because all the relationships he has had in the past have been different to this one. He had told her many times that she was different and frankly, she wasn’t a supermodel who could buy whatever she wanted or go wherever she wanted. She owned a small business and Harry was treating her. “Thank you. Really. You are the best, not because of all of this, but because you thought of all of this and did all of this for me. I have no words, baby.” Y/N cooed, rubbing her thumb over his tanned cheeks. She wanted to say she loved him in that moment, but maybe her eyes said it all. Y/N pecked his lips one more time before walking over to the array of boxes, deciding to open the smaller ones first and build up to the big ones. “Okay, this one is the lucky first one... let’s see.”

The first box was a little skincare thing that she had wanted. Apparently it vibrated and pulsated to clean skin but he didn’t know. It was on her list so he had gotten it for her.

“I got you a lot of stuff that I asked around about and then other things I knew you’d like.” Like an apron that said ‘kiss the cook’ with the cook crossed out and baker written on it. It was adorable in his opinion. There was a pair of earrings with cupcakes on them because he had seen her eying them at the boutique they’d gone to months ago. A faux leather notebook and pen set for her to jot down things. He had gotten her everything from that, to a vault of lipstick that was limited audition, to a Gucci bag and boots.

Y/N squealed as she opened every box, giggling because he really had gone above and beyond to get her all these things that were certainly things she wanted but didn’t need. She would never justify buying these things for herself, but Harry did.

“Baby!” She cooed, looking at the Gucci bag and boots. “Definitely your girlfriend now.” Y/N teased, seeing as Gucci was Harry's signature thing and now she had her own. She definitely had worn a lot of his custom stuff before, but this felt really special. “This is so sweet, H— you.” She couldn’t even form words, moving on to the rather large boxes because she couldn’t imagine what was in them. Opening the box she saw how sleek it looked and realized it was this big because it was sets of lingerie. Neatly organized, making sure the cups of the bras weren’t deformed. “Oh my—” Y/N breathed out. They were gorgeous, truly stunning. Harry did have great taste, she never doubted him, but this was next level. The other larger box had quite the sex toys in it and she was even more shocked to see what he had picked out for the two of them. Y/N looked up at him, picking up the dildo that looked very much like his cock. “You molded your cock? For me?” She smiled, looking at it and noticing just how accurate it was. Every little detail. Y/N noticed there was a button on it, “it vibrates!?”

“Well... have to give you something to help. I know you won’t want to leave the bakery for a whole 6 months while I tour, and it’ll be back and forth for us. But you also tend to be cranky if you aren’t able to be fucked proper. So... helps you out.” It was a dirty gift but thoughtful, nonetheless. “Keep thinking about that silk dress you wore out to the club the first time we were truly together, too. So I have to get you some more of those... But if you look here.” He took the smaller box out. “This... is a vibrator that I can control from anywhere. You put it inside of you, feels just a bit good when you walk around. But any moment I can take out my phone and turn it on as high or as low as I want to.” His eyes were full of mischief. Oh, Y/N would love that. “Cause we like to play around and can’t exactly do it out in public a lot— as much as we would like to, anyways. Can be very fun.”

Y/N blushed, “definitely will be putting this to good use.” She admitted and set it to the side. It was her favorite gift if she was honest. Harry would be away but she could still be stuffed full of him even if it wasn’t the real thing. Obviously the real thing was better than anything else, but at least it would feel incredible when she came around a familiar shape. “Know you loved that dress, huh daddy?” She smirked, it was the best decision she had ever made. Certainly it was the sexiest she had ever felt and frankly it was the hottest night they had ever shared together. “I really like this purple one... and the baby blue.” Y/N nodded, knowing she’d get good use out of these dresses at other events. They were similar but not exactly the same. She looked at him with eyes full of wonder as he pulled out the vibrator. It was small but she could tell it was mighty. “I swear if I cum in front of everyone at the bakery...” Y/N blushed at the thought though it was also the hottest thing in the world to her. “Could also use it when we FaceTime..” She hummed at the thought. “Could make me cum from anywhere in the world. I’ll put it on my clit and use the dildo..” It was a dirty thought but Harry would appreciate it.

“Exactly. And I’ll definitely be making you cum at the bakery. There’s no way I wouldn’t.” Harry scoffed. Yes— he was very much a man of his word when it came to that. Y/N tested him daily so it was only fair, right? “I’m going to try and wiggle as much time with me as possible, though, 100% going to make sure that you come to as many shows as I can squeeze from you. Know you won’t be able to do it all but... m’selfish. Want you with me whenever I can have you.” He wasn’t ashamed of that either.

Y/N knew he would admit that, making her cum in her own place of work. Y/N knew as soon as she felt it happening, she would have to hide in the back or something. No way could she help customers like that, god no.

“I’ll be texting you as soon as it happens.” She knew she would be, feeling him tease her from wherever in the world he was. “It all depends on if we can get help for the bakery. I think we have saved up enough where we are actually going to renovate and finally get that space upstairs sorted so we’ll be closed for a month or so.” Y/N explained, having been working on that for a while. “I could be on tour with you then dunno where in the world you’ll be, but I’ll come with. It’s um early summer.”

“Sounds like a definite plan.” Harry had planned this whole trip out and was so unbelievably excited at the thing. How had he been this lucky? Been able to give his girl things, to even find her to begin with? He was just incredibly grateful for his life at the moment, and he knew Y/N was too. “Baby... when it comes to the bakery, I really wouldn’t mind loaning some money to you guys for help and repairs. And by loaning I mean, give you money and say you can pay me back but I will refuse it.” He smirked, stroking her arm as she looked at some of her gifts. “I have money. I’m not sitting here saying that to be facetious but, I have money I will never spend in my whole lifetime. Being able to help you and the others at the bakery makes me happy.”

Y/N looked at him with a sweet smile, “That does mean a lot and I appreciate it. I do. But you know, I signed that contract and I have all the money from it... and it’s all going to the bakery.” She told him, realizing she never told him why she actually signed the contract. One of the reasons was because she was a fan but another one was because of the money for the bakery.

“If I ever do need it, I will let you know. But even being affiliated with you already brings a lot of business.” Y/N blushed, setting all of her gifts to the side so that she could crawl into his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in to kiss him, pecking his lips a few times as she always did. She pulled back a little, playing with his hair as they sat and chatted. “Thank you for all the presents, baby, you are incredibly sweet.” Y/N cooed, “for everything... for the trip, for the gifts. You do so much for me and I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.”

“Of course, my precious girl. Trust me. It’s my pleasure to spoil the hell out of you.” Harry promised. Y/N made him so happy, it was only right that he got to spoil the girl that made him feel on top of the world. Truly. “It’s only the beginning for us. You’ve no idea how excited I am to have the both of us together like this. That we get some alone time. That makes me feel incredible.” He felt happy at this moment. Totally at peace. “I know that I’ve been so quiet and private my last few relationships but.... I love making you happy. I love people knowing that it’s you and I together. If that makes sense? S’like, I don’t mind anyone knowing that we are together. I’m proud to show off our little team.”

“It’s been the nicest thing and it’s only been like three days?” Y/N sighed in thought, “I mean, I love being with you back home too, but it’s nice to just have you all to myself. Don’t have to share with anyone or split my time between you and work.” She really had been so relaxed, comfortable in just being with Harry without any other obligations or eyes watching them. It did however, warm her heart to hear him say that he didn’t mind people knowing they were together, “really?” She asked in a truly touched tone. It meant a lot to her, to think that she had made him feel comfortable enough to show that side of him to the public even a little bit. As a fan she knew Harry was a very private person, she never expected him to confirm a relationship or speak about how he felt unless it was in the form of music. “I’m definitely proud to show you off and I know it’s a big step for you to even somewhat confirm that you’re with me. Like, I know we had to for the public, but you’ve never... done anything like what you’ve done with me and it makes me feel really special. It really does.” Y/N was dying to see the three little words.

“It’s a lot— or it was before you. I didn’t like people knowing. I don’t know if it’s because I was embarrassed to be with them... maybe it’s because I didn’t want to lie directly to fans. It felt weird.” Harry admitted. “Yeah... think that may be part of why. It feels odd. Because this is a real relationship and people are quite invested in us. It’s not fake or something people hate. You know?” He tilted his head. “I dunno. It just feels right. A lot of things do, that didn’t before.” He murmured with a smile. Y/N was glowing today. Looking so beautiful, happy. Content. “I like showing you off. It’s so much fun. Especially with how you are with me. We are drawn to one another.”

Y/N smiled, listening intently to the way he spoke. Harry has a very Harry way of explaining things. It was something that was so authentically him and he didn’t even realize he did it. “I try to tone it down in public though, don’t want people knowing I’m a sex pest.” Y/N joked, but she sort of meant it. She wanted to maintain their privacy a little bit, didn’t want everyone knowing everything. “I like to think we work really well together. You keep me grounded and I feel like I get you to be a bit more vulnerable and kinder to yourself.” Y/N said softly, “you definitely taught me to be that way though... but I don’t blame you for not taking your own advice. I’ll happily remind you how amazing you are everyday.” That was true, she could go on for ages just hyping him up for the smallest of things. “So proud to call you my boyfriend too. Not only are you incredibly talented, you’re legitimately good at everything that you do. There is nothing you don’t do well. You’re so handsome and you’ve got the biggest heart on the planet. Everyone loves you, baby.” Y/N cooed, genuinely just so gooey over him.

“Stooooop.” Harry blushed, burying his face in her chest. Little Y/N had him on his toes all the time and he wouldn’t have it any other way, truly. The only woman who made him blush besides his own mum. “You’re so sweet. But you’re very talented too. Swear, never tasted lemon squares like the ones you make. I’m not even big on sweets, but it makes me very happy to think about the fact that I am dating the world's best baker. Would be a right shame if it was anyone else. Wouldn’t appreciate the goods correctly.” He was playful with her. He’d found himself being so serious lately, the past two years, that he had felt completely out of it. But she puked that part out of him. Mae the jokes flow.

“Never!” Y/N giggled at his reaction, kissing his head once again. She lingered there for a moment, just taking in his scent. His hair smelt like a mix between his regular scent and salt water, also a hint of coconut from the sun cream they had been using. It smelt like her personal version of paradise. “Of course, baby. Should put ‘Harry Styles approved’ on every item on my menu. Only the highest ranking of deserts get your stamp of approval, huh?” Y/N teased, petting his hair as he stayed hidden in her chest. They had a whole week to spend like this, that was the best part. Completely free of all worries.

----

Harry watched Y/N from the side of his eye as she scrolled on her phone, giggling to herself. He wasn’t sure what she was up to since he had gone to grab her a drink but he knew she was up to no good.

“What are you doing there, pet?” He quirked his brow as he came up next to her. When she realized he had the pina colada in his hands she gave him the ‘gimme’ hands which made him chuckle under his breath. Sometimes she was such a baby, and didn’t even realize it. Sitting down next to her, he handed the drink to her greedy little hands before resting his chin on her shoulder. The door was wide open, allowing the island breeze to swirl around their little villa. The sliding glass doors that looked into the beach and pool were usually kept this way. It was about the middle of their vacation together and he was having the time of his life. Just being around her rejuvenated him in ways he didn’t think possible.

“Hmmm?” Y/N hummed, taking a sip from her piña colada. “I’m just on Twitter.” Y/N mumbled with a small smirk, “your fans are well funny, you know?” She told him as a matter of factly and took another sip from her drink as she pulled up the tweet that made her laugh. It was one of those ‘I’m literally just vibin’ edits that always made her giggle. Y/N leaned back into him with a hum, “Know you don’t use social media much, but I’ll start texting you screen shots or something. You’re missing out on comedic genius.” She turned her head to look at him a bit and pecked the corner of his mouth. “You look cute.” Y/N muttered, pressing another kiss to his slightly sunburnt nose. He looked like he did in the lights up video that he recently came out with, all glowy and tanned. She was completely and utterly in love with him, that was a fact. Y/N had been for years really, but everyone said it wasn’t the same kind of love. That true love. She agreed though, that the love she felt for him now was much stronger than it ever was. Still reminiscent though. It made her feel so soft inside knowing that she got to love on him everyday and that she could just pick up the phone and call him whenever she missed hearing his voice. That she got to cuddle with him whenever she wanted to and kiss him and tell him how proud she is every single day. It was something she always dreamed about doing, the soft domestic things.

He was the love of her life, always would be.

“My fans? Yeah. They’re pretty great. M’dating one of them.” Harry gave her a goofy little smile, kissing her lips three times, making an obnoxiously loud noise when he did so to make her laugh. Her laugh was his favorite sound. God, he was in love. And for the first time, he knew that she wouldn’t break his heart. He had confidence that Y/N loved him back and wouldn’t do what anyone else tried to. It was proven in the way she was around him, how she gave him kisses so tenderly and didn’t need to show off. She was so happy to not post a thing if she didn’t need to, just to be around him. He had a few more defining questions for her, though. Just to make it clear that he meant business and to see if she did too— or if he would have to work on it. Settling in next to her, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and out his legs up on the table, letting her throw one of her legs over his thighs. “What do you see in your future? A big question but... ideally, in a year or so, where do you want to be?”

Y/N laughed as he kissed her, moving her hand up to wipe the extra slobber off her lips pretending like she was disgusted when she wasn’t at all. It was cute really, the way he was with her and the way he knew how to make her laugh and get her all giddy without trying all that hard. It didn’t take much, Harry still gave her butterflies the same way he did all those years ago when she first saw an interview of his. She moved so both of her legs were across his lap, locking her phone and setting it down before moving her hand up on his chest to play with his cross necklace. Y/N was a bit surprised at his question, never did she think he’d be asking her something like this about half a year in. He always seemed to be so cautious with his relationships and she felt he’d be the same with her, especially because she was a fan.

“In my future?” Y/N repeated back to him, looking up at him with her eyes all innocent and suddenly serious because it did mean a lot to her. “Well... I’d like for the bakery to be booming, but it already is....” She paused for a moment, taking her eyes off of his necklace before looking back up at him. “It might sound really cheesy, but I don’t mind where I am a year from now as long as you’re there.” Y/N said honestly, feeling a bit bashful because she really did mean it and she’d never said anything like that to anyone let alone someone as important to her as Harry.

“Yeah?” Harry's smile was soft but it was a relief. She wanted to just be with him. It was about the same for him. “S’a good thing I feel the same then.” He was teasing but obviously meant it. His fingers drew circles on her thigh, finding comfort in touching her skin. It was warm and he felt just... soft, around her. “Guess m’just thinking about the future. How I want you in mine. As long as you’ll let me have you.” He murmured, playing with the hem of her dress, feeling a little bashful himself. “I thought I had everything planned out— to an extent, I do. But I realized I needed to ask you what you want.” He cleared his throat and looked back at her face. “You see this as long term, yeah? Don’t plan on anyone else?”

Her smile was wide, that soft and bashful expression locked on her face as he spoke. Y/N swore her heart was beating so hard she could feel it in her throat, scared that it would fly right out of her if she wasn’t careful. Sure they talked about their feelings a lot, but they had never properly talked about what they wanted out of the relationship beyond just being a couple.

“Of course I do.” She spoke genuinely, her eyes scanning his for any sign of uncertainty. “It’s only ever been you.... only ever going to be you.” Y/N told him and swallowed thickly because she was essentially saying she was in love with him without actually outright saying the words. Y/N knew how Aquarians could be and how they could run from commitment unless they themselves wanted it. He had to be the one to say it. It made Y/N nervous. She wondered what he had planned out, wondered what it was that he wanted out of his future since apparently she was in it. Sure they were a very coupley, they had spent nearly everyday together and essentially lived with one another, but it has all just been fun, the beginning of their relationship. Something was telling her that Harry was starting to see it as more and that made her very happy. She wasn’t the only one.

“Good. Cause— I’ve been thinking lately. About us, how you make me feel like the most comfortable I’ve ever felt in my own skin. I’ve been scared to truly tell you how much I want you for... forever, essentially. Don’t want to scare you off.” Harry swallowed thickly. Y/N was it, as people said. “I don’t want you calling anyone else baby. I don’t want you with anyone else. I want you. S’selfish maybe. But I’ve been thinking it through and I figured out that I’ve got to stop beating around the bush with how I feel and tell you that I think about it long term.” He wasn’t good with talking about feelings but he was making himself be for her sake. “I’ve never been this content in a relationship. Always looking for the other shoe to drop. I don’t feel that with you.” Y/N had him at ease. “I wanted to ask... what do you want? Out of life, out of a relationship? Outlining a dream life, I would want to know. Want to see if I can make it happen.”

Y/N’s hand stilled on his chest, simply resting it flat against his sternum as he spoke and felt that his chest too was beating faster than usual. His heartbeat was slow and steady naturally, but she could tell that he was nervous. It made her feel a bit more calm and she hoped that he too would feel calmer with the way she was looking at him with the utmost adoration in her eyes.

“Just want to be happy... that’s all I want. I just want to be happy... and for you to be happy and.... and if we’re talking about forever, I want our kids to be happy..” Y/N was soft yet firm, wanting him to know she was in fact serious about what she was saying. “Because my dream life has always had *you* in it. Even before you knew I existed, you give me everything I’ve ever wanted and then some.... couldn’t even begin to think of what else I could want.” She chuckled and shook her head because she felt really soft and mushy. Properly giddy. “You’re my best friend. Know I can trust you with anything, know you’ll be there to support me, know that no matter what you’ll always be there and you’ll always get me and that’s all I could ever want out of a relationship.”

She said our kids. That made Harry feel... so many things. She really wanted to stay and be with him. Forever. It was an utter relief to know he wasn’t alone in thinking about that. His smile took over his face as he leaned and hid his face in her neck, kissing the warm skin there.

“Want that too. But I’ll always be there for you. M’happy that you know that, even so early on. A lot of my past relationships didn’t have any trust. On either ends. But I never even question you anymore. At first, we know I was scared. But I just know you’ll be there.” He pulled his face out of her neck and fixed the hair that had come out of her little messy bun. “Kids... how many?” He asked quietly. “Where do you want to settle eventually? S’a lot, I know. I just… I think about it, a lot.”

Y/N cooed as he nuzzled his face in her neck, her eyes fluttering shut as she brought her hand to pet his hair and kissed the side of his head a few times because she was just so in love. She constantly wanted to smother him in her affection and she was so happy that he liked it. Others would say she was far too clingy, but Y/N just loved to show her love. Wanted him to know she was constantly wanting to love up on him in any way that she could.

“Four.” She answered before he even finished talking. Y/N always always wanted a lot of kids, her maternal instincts told her that she definitely wanted more than one. She felt like four was a good number, frankly, if they had more they’d have more. “Somewhere in England, feel like it’s our home no?” Y/N has also thought about it a lot, before she met him but even more when she did meet him. Getting to know him and his preferences helped with that as well, helped adjust her daydreams into something that could become reality. “What do you think? How many kids do you want? Where would you like to settle down?”

“I’ve always wanted a lot of kids.” Harry admitted. Y/N would make an incredible mother. She had all the traits of a good one and he was beyond glad to think she would be the one mothering his children. He had a soft spot for babies and that much was apparent. “It’s a dream to be a father. I’ve adored kids and to have my own... I’d love it.” He would be so excited to have any baby. “I want a place in the states and England. London or around my mum, most likely. I want to travel with you, see more places but... there’s nowhere that says home rather than where your family is. Got Jeff in California and my mum here so...” He shrugged. Anywhere Y/N would like would work too. “Considering you’ll be the one carrying my babies.. it really is up to you how many we have. However, I’d like as many as we can manage.” Harry placed a hand on her stomach. She wasn’t pregnant yet, probably wouldn’t be for a while but, the thought had him warm. “Don’t jump at this question, because m’just wondering.... your stance on marriage?” He asked gently. “S’it something you’d want? I know some people are against those types of contracts and things along those lines.”

If you told 12 year old Y/N that she’d be sitting and talking about having kids and marriage with Harry Styles one day, she’d be just as overwhelmed as 22 year old Y/N was right now. She always had to pinch herself at times, to remind her that she wasn’t dreaming and that this was her life. That Harry was her boyfriend and wanted a future with her and well... it was everything she’d ever wanted. Truly.

“Feel like I’m pretty old fashioned, quite like the idea of getting married one day... I like the whole concept, think it’s beautiful.” Y/N said with a slight blush, her hand reaching up to cup his cheek because he too was smiling like an idiot as was she. Thank god they were alone, anyone looking in would probably feel sick just from looking at how sweet the two looked. Y/N leaned in to press a sweet kiss to his lips, just because she really wanted to. It was quick, because she knew he’d want to talk. She bit her lip and let her thumb caress his cheek. Y/N really did love him, she’d do whatever he wanted really and the best part about that was knowing that what he wanted was what she wanted and so on.

“Perfect. I do too but, if you hadn’t wanted it I would have adjusted.” Harry knew that he would bend over backwards for her at this point. Y/N had him by the balls. The best part was he didn’t even care. “What type of wedding have you dreamed of? I know that people dream of their weddings when they’re younger... I picture you as a dreamer, so what was the dream?” He asked, leaning into her touch. The love was so obvious in their eyes and actions and damn, they were talking about a fucking wedding. But Harry was positive that this was the girl he was going to marry. He didn’t want anyone else.

“I have a board on Pinterest.” Y/N whispered, knowing that it would make him laugh because that was definitely something Y/N would do. She kissed his lips one more time and went to unlock her phone, opening up Pinterest and showing opening up the wedding folder. It of course had all different kinds of things, from color schemes to aesthetic ideas. She even had a picture of a ring or type of dress she could possibly want. Everything was thought out. “Think I’d want to have a destination wedding somewhere warm and romantic... like in Italy or something. Then again, wouldn’t mind having one in England either but...” Y/N blushed, realizing she was in fact talking about a theoretical wedding between the two of them. “But I’d like to invite whoever is important in our lives... whoever would be happy to know we are happy and just, would love to celebrate with us.” Y/N shrugged, “reckon Jeff should get ordained or something.” She teased but was also somewhat serious.

“I would like a destination wedding too.” Harry smiled. The thought made him happy. Feel warm and fuzzy knowing she was thinking about him when she would be walking down the aisle. He wanted it, wanted her to only want him. Ever. “I agree. I would do whatever you’d like but, a smaller wedding in terms of people would probably be better, the most important people. Surrounded by trust.” Y/N was so good for him. They clicked on everything. “I think it’s a once in a lifetime thing— or, for me it will be.” He smiled lightly at her. “So it will be as special as we would want it to be. I’m sorry I’m throwing these things at you I just... I love you. You know that, baby? Want forever with you... planning these things out, having an idea of what our life could look like just makes me happy.” Harry wanted her to know he wasn’t trying to rush her into it but was just looking for general ideas. That’s what he wanted. But he did want her to be up front with him. Wanted her to tell him honestly what she’d like and dislike.

Y/N felt her eyes tear up at his words feeling so beyond happy and lucky that he was hers. Of all the girls in the world who loved him, she was the one he loved. “I love you too... so much.” She told him and let out a chuckle because she really was about to start crying at how goddamn happy she was. She was turning 23 tomorrow, on a romantic trip with her boyfriend who was her best friend, the person she loved more than anything in the world. Y/N could possibly have asked for more. “You mean so much to me, you know that. Can never properly put it into words. I just love you, so much. Always have and I always will.” It was something that she had always wanted to say to him, truly she could never express how much she loved him but considering the fact that they’d just talked about marriage and having kids? She could safely assume she had her whole life to show him everyday just how much she loved him.

“I love you, little lady. So much.” Harry pulled her to sit on his lap and then in his arms to rest against his body. Thankfully the seat was soft and he could recline a bit, feeling the warmth fill him when she hid her face in his neck and kissed on the sling lovingly. “You’re the best thing to happen to me. I’m not just saying that. The fact you’ve given me chances even after I was a cold hearted dick, regardless of the fact I was protecting myself— you understood and forgave me. You were so kind despite it all and it’s something I admire so much of you. You’re always being kind to anyone who needs it.” He stroked her hair as she laid against him. “I just want you to see how much you’re loved. Every day, you amaze me. And I want to plan my life with you. Make you see how much I adore you.”

Y/N wrapped herself around his body like a koala, breathing in his scent deeply when she nuzzled her face into his neck. He was always so warm and smelled so good, it felt like home to her and she was so happy that this was forever. She wouldn’t want it any other way.

“Knew you were only being a dick cause you refused to give me a proper chance.” Y/N mumbled against his neck, pressing soft kisses to it that made small squishy noises whenever she pulled off. “Couldn’t resist me.” She giggled and blew a little raspberry against his skin before pulling away to look at him properly again. “But you do, baby, everyday... and I hope I show you too, everyday, just how much I love you.” Y/N said with a bright smile, “Devoted my life to you a long time ago, have the cringe tweets to prove it.” She teased, “you didn’t have a Y/N stan account did you? No.”

“Couldn’t resist you at all. I knew that night... the one at the club in that silk fuckin’ dress, that I’d be done for. I’d been trying so hard to not give in to my wants for you. It was so difficult and I know it but, fucks sake. You turned up in the car and looked so beautiful, tempted me so much.” Harry could drool thinking about that night. “I felt odd about how much I genuinely liked being around you. You were amazing and kind and I wasn’t pretending when I was with you— s’more pretending after. I loved going out to do things because I had an excuse to myself to talk to you.” He sighed. “You’ve no idea how badly it killed me when I saw all your posters torn down and in the closet. That... I was your idol in a sense and you’d been to my shows and bought my sweater and I had treated you so poorly.”

“You love that bloody dress. Never shut up about it.” Y/N teased, pressing a few kisses to his lips. “Knew when I bought it you’d die when you saw me in it so I just had to wear it that night.” Y/N explained, “it proper pissed me off that you were in denial, cause I sure as hell wasn't pretending and I could tell you weren’t either... I knew when we went to that date at the cafe.”

Y/N always thought so fondly on their early days, even if he was a right dick to her. She just had a gut instinct that it wasn’t real, that he wouldn’t actually act that way. Seeing him cry in her room that one night proved that she was right too. It made her feel hopeful again. “I know, baby... but, I would have done it all ten times over.” Y/N said honestly, “I know it sounds really cliché, but you did so much for me and my confidence when I was younger that even if I chucked all the things into a box and never looked at them again... I could never actually hate you. Ever. The things you and the boys did for me is truly something I could ever replace.”

“I’m glad I was able to do that for you. That you found comfort in me and was able to feel confidence. And now look at us.” Harry kissed her lips. “Do you know how much it kills me that you were in the audience while I was performing and I didn’t know you yet? That I could have had you so much sooner but I didn’t?” He sighed. Granted, it worked out because only the last tour she would have been legal but, still. “I think everything happens for a reason. You know that? I think that the reason you were sent to me from the universe is to show me how to love and trust again. And you’ve done that so well.” He was so trusting in her. Loved her more than he could ever explain. “S’crazy. To think that someone I can consider my soul mate was right under my nose for a while and I didn’t know. Wait!” He looked at her with wide eyes. “Did you read those... fan fiction thingies?”

“Yeah. Yeah I was right under your nose, fucking shaved pussy and everything.” Y/N told him with a straight face, knowing it would make him laugh. It was a meme but every one direction fan did it, showed up looking their best and coochies shaved just in case. “Really thought whole heartily as a 14 year old that you would see me and think, ‘wow I want to have sex with her’” She mocked his accent. “Did you know, you once spat water on me and it was the best moment of my life.” Y/N said as a matter of factly, “reckon I still have all the photos from all the shows on my phone... if you wanna see.” She knew he would like to see them and hear her commentary in the moment. Maybe seeing her in context would ring some bells. When he mentioned fan fiction Y/N’s eyes widened, looking at him with raised brows. “Of course I did.” She bit her lip, “Some of it is really fucking hot, I tell you. And it’s scary cause a lot of it is accurate. Like people know how you fuck just by looking at ya.”

“I spit on you? The fans seem to love that shit. I love watching them freak out. Aw... and now I spit into your mouth while I fuck you, baby.” Harry cooed, pinching her cheek. “What a glow up, as the kids say.” They often joke about him being an old man and not having the same ‘knowledge’ as the fans. “Wait... I’ve never really read it. I know a fan fiction of me is a movie but everyone told me it wasn’t worth the read so I haven’t.” He chuckled at the thought. At least someone was inspired by him enough to make things. That’s how he thought of it. “How do people... know how I am?” He questioned. “I’ve always been a bit interested but afraid to actually look.”

Y/N rolled her eyes as he pinched her cheeks, opening her mouth for him nonetheless and waited for him to spit in it because she wanted him to do it now. Why not right? She continued on as if hadn’t happened, smiling happily as she continued on explaining about fan fiction.

“You have this energy about, guess people can assume you’re quite kinky based on your songs and the way you act or say things.” Y/N chuckled, “not so secretive about it... we all heard medicine and watermelon sugar.” She pointed out before pulling out her phone to go on tumblr and pulled up some of her favorite writing. “Essentially how it works is like... you’re the muse. It’s not always like you as you are presented in the media. Sometimes it’s you and your personality but just like being a football player, or a ceo, or a pornstar or whatever it may be... it’s called an AU or alternate universe. Sometimes it’s you, as is. The dorky rockstar we know and love, that’s called canon.” Y/N felt like it was pretty straight forward. “There are some really hot ones either way... what sounds appealing to you?”

“That’s... a lot. So basically, some are just me playing a character... but my name?” Harry questioned, furrowing his brows. “And others are meant to be me me. That’s interesting.” He was confused but also endeared. How he got such creative fans, he wasn’t sure. “I’d never judge too harshly. I’m happy I inspire people to do things and write things. As long as it’s legal, I’m okay.” He would never shame them for if. Maybe he didn’t understand but that didn’t mean it was bad. “Read me one of your favorite ones then.” He snuggled her up in his lap, keeping her close. “Being the muse is nice instead of having one. But you’re about to have many albums written about you, little miss.” He teased, squeezing her waist. “Bet you aren’t ready for that one.”

“Yeah, baby.” Y/N giggled, endeared that he was trying so hard to understand. “Some are characters that are adapted to have your personality and appearance, other times they’re genuinely writing about you and what they think you’d do in a certain situation.” She explained and got all cozy in his lap with him. “You’re such a good boy.” Y/N cooed and kissed his cheek, “I love you.” She smiled and puckered her lips for him to kiss before she went to look for something to read to him. “Ooo okay!” She smiled, “So this is a popular one. She’s an incredible writer really. Think she has really creative ideas and a specific style and well... she knows how to write you really well too.” Y/N looked at him and watched his reaction to what she was about to tell him. “This story is about the reader, I’m going to use my name, and you... but in this story you’re a single father of a son and you need a babysitter.” She explained and realized how porno-esque it sounded, “and it’s not like that!! It’s actually really sweet and wholesome.”

Y/N began reading the story, outlining how essentially her character had been walking her dog in a rich neighborhood because she wanted her dog to have nice grass to walk around on and what have you. Established that Harry lived in one of these nice houses and how his son, Teddy, had seen her dog and wanted to pet it. How she tried to act like she lived in the neighborhood cause she was embarrassed and how after running into each other on multiple occasions, Harry urgently needed a nanny.

Harry listened with interest. It was a cute little story. Very wholesome when it came to the fact that it was him as a single father and a little boy. He’d never be a single father though, he’d never let Y/N go. However it was a good idea for a role play in the bedroom— he’d bring that up later though.

“It’s so incredible to me. She’s so talented in her writing and manages to make it so anyone could insert themselves into the story. And she typed out my accent which is odd but also cute.” Harry chuckled, leaning his chin on her shoulder. “The fact that I can inspire someone to write a story at all blows my mind. It makes me happy; too. I hope she goes for writing as a career. I like how she made me in this.” He squeezed her. “But what else do you read? How many people write these?”

“S’cute isn’t it? It makes people feel comforted, you know?” Y/N told him and kissed his nose, “people love you, baby... you’re so lovely and people value that. You’re special, you’ve got character and you’re interesting and witty and just good at everything you do. It makes it easy.” Y/N shrugged feeling like it made perfect sense. She raised her brow when he said what else she read, smirking to herself. “Oh, I read some filthy things too.” Y/N admitted and went to go find something properly dirty to read. “Easily hundreds if not thousands...” She said and nodded her head.

“Ah! Here we go.”

Y/N has pulled up a fic that was about a mob boss version Harry. It was filthy. Full of smut that even made Harry blush. His brows rose at the content she was showing him. It was so dirty. For younger people they sure as hell could write good sex scenes.

“Christ, baby. You’d sit and read this? Get wet doing it too?” He loved that though. “Maybe it’s the narcissist in me... but the fact that I’ve been the one to get you off since day one makes me a little crazy.” Harry chuckled. God. She didn’t even know what it did to him. It was an ego boost definitely. “Just... god, you know I don’t mean to get dirty, my love. But the thought of you in bed and making yourself keep quiet when you touch yourself because people are asleep... s’so fucking hot.” He let out a breath, hiding his face back in her neck. It really got to him in the deepest parts.

“Mhmm...” Y/N hummed as a matter of factly, “Literally every night.” She told him and felt her face heat up because she was turned on in telling him this, turned on because he too liked the idea of her getting off to him for all those years. “Proper wet too... like, seeping through panties wet.” It was true, she remembered many nights that she got all worked up over reading fic about him. Y/N smiled as he nuzzled his face in her neck, giggling because he was clearly turned on by the thought of it. “Glad you think so, definitely makes me feel a lot better about it... never felt guilty about it but... knowing you like the thought of it... makes me feel good.” She cooed and kissed the side of his head. “So yeah, that’s your little fanfic intro. Hope you enjoyed it.” She hummed, glad to be closing the chapter before he asked if she herself had written fanfic about him before. Y/N has deleted a lot of it because she didn’t think it was all that good, but there were some things she had kept.

“It’s so interesting to me that people write this and read it but now I’ve seen it, I have to say it’s good. I’ve never been on this site much— tumblr.” Harry read the name of it. “Niall went on it once and they had a proper laugh over some of the stuff. I think it was those photo things with quotes that people think we have said?” He was trying to remember. “Either way, it was funny. But this is next level stuff. And the stuff you read.” He smirked. Oh, his girl. It was a weird comfort to him that Y/N has always been attracted to Hmm. Always wanted him. He was her dream man. She was his dream girl now. He couldn’t imagine having anyone else. He loved her body and her mind, how she spoke and how she treated him. It was like the best case scenario in every option. “I love the thought of it though. Maybe m’just a greedy bastard who likes being selfish with your pussy but, knowing I didn’t have to share it much... that I was the one that got you wet? It helps me.”

“How romantic.” Y/N teased, brushing some of his hair away because it was getting quite long. Y/N loved it though. “You always cut your hair right when it’s the perfect length.” She spoke out loud, “noticed you always did that before... but then I realized that you look good no matter what your hair looks like, and then I don’t get too upset.” Y/N shook her head a bit. “What I am upset about though, is that I didn’t get to experience you in 2015... in the flesh. Because fuck me....” Y/N felt herself got hot over the thought of him with long hair, wearing those patterned button ups. It was the beginning of an era, the precursor to solo harry. She felt it was prime time. “Literally, since the long hair you just kept getting more and more attractive and I physically don’t know how I’m going to handle you getting hotter every year, I already feel like a nympho. What are we going to do about it?” Y/N asked like it was a genuine concern of hers. “The struggles of having the hottest man in the world as my boyfriend.”

Harry let out a bark of a laugh, kissing the side of her head in fondness over her. God, she was something else. His little angel. How had he gotten that lucky? He didn’t know. But the compliment had him smiling.

“Well, thank you— but we will just have to figure out how to satisfy your sexual appetite. Can’t say I mind at all.” He smirked. “Hell, we’ve had some good sex here. The best I’ve ever had. You just know where to touch and how to make me feel good. S’a little freaky how well you know me.” He snickered. “But see... I can’t wait to watch you grow as well. Grow more confident and show yourself off a little bit more. When you get pregnant with my babies... god, it’s gonna be so hard to keep my hands off. I think that will truly be my downfall. And right after, with all the softness. I love thinking about it.”

Y/N blushed, smiling at him like a kid who got her way when he said they’d figure something out to keep her satisfied. That’s exactly what she liked to hear. He was right about their sex though, it really was incredible. “Definitely don’t think it’s freaky when you’re cumming down my throat though.” She teased, knowing that’s not what he meant but she wanted to remind him anyway.

“Knew you had a thing for pregnant ladies, always wondered how you’d be when you got a girl pregnant... and it’s going to be me.” Y/N smirked smugly, “that’s sexy.” She giggled before thinking about it for a minute. “S’why you like my tummy?” Y/N asked curiously, “cause I’m all squishy and maternal? Reckon you have a breeding kink... think about putting a baby in me a lot, hypothetically.” Y/N did like to pick at Harry’s brain, likes finding out things about him that she could interpret or integrate into their lives. Ultimately, Y/N loved to make Harry happy, to keep him pleased and satisfied with life. It made her really happy.

“I think I do. I’ve never explored that, obviously but... the thought of getting you pregnant does arouse me.” God, did it. It had worried Harry a little, and at first he hadn’t been sure why but now he was going to embrace it. “I do love your tummy. S’soft. I love touching and kissing it. Even just normally. I love that you’ve got curves. Something for me to grab on to and caress and kiss. It’s so sexy.” He had been missing out beforehand. Y/N was where it’s at. “A breeding kink though.. you’re most likely right. I’ve never specifically done anything with that because I’ve never felt comfortable but, I’m happy to tell you that the moment you tell me you want a child I will take off weeks to make sure there is one in there.” He smiled when she rolled her eyes playfully. “The idea does make me hot, though. Probably isn’t something to mention in public because I’ll get hard.”

Y/N felt all giddy at the thought, loved that he loved her body and that he got turned on at the thought of getting her pregnant. It was incredibly empowering, something that a woman who was naturally maternal and nurturing loved to hear.

“You really shouldn’t have told me that.” Y/N chuckled, “because now I’ll definitely make sure I tell you in public whenever I do wanna have a baby.” She really did mean it too. She would remember this moment and be sure to tell him in a public place so that they could rush home and get started. That was extremely hot. Besides, it wasn’t like doing stuff in public wasn’t a thing for them already. Y/N looked at him fondly, simply just appreciating this moment because lord knows when they’d next have a period of time where they could just hang out like this. She was going to miss him when he went on tour, knowing she couldn’t follow him everywhere. “I love you.” Y/N said once again, “thank you so much for this trip, I know you said that it’s nothing but it’s something... a big something. Means a lot to me that you even thought to take ten days off your busy schedule to just go away and spend time with me one on one... and all these gifts on top of that, I’m truly the luckiest girl in the world.”

“Of course I would. I’d do anything for you, my love. You make me so incredibly happy all the time, it’s only the beginning of what I’ll be doing to make you happy and to show my love.” Harry promised. She had no idea of the things he was going to do for her. The way he would move mountains and stars for her if he found he was able to. She was going to be the most spoiled little thing on earth and truly had not a clue. Her whole life, he would be looking for things to do for her. “If you need me, I’ll drop everything for you. I’ve seen how people in my situation can ruin relationships by not making time for their partner. I’ve seen the mistakes and I know that I won’t make them. You mean too much to me to ever even risk losing.”

Y/N smiled fondly at him, pressing soft kisses to his chin, cheek, nose, and lips. “You’re an angel.” She cooed, pushing some hair away from his face and sighing out in content. “What time is it?” Y/N asked curious because she was a little tired, who would think all this relaxing would make her tired?

They went for a swim in the morning usually, laid out and tanned, explored some of the town and of course they fucked. Whenever they were in the mood, they did. It was simple as that. Granted, that’s how it usually was, but here it was a bit more constant. The two of them barely clothed all the time, tanned and sweaty.

“I would say let’s go for a walk on the beach, but I’m quite enjoying this cuddle.” Y/N hummed, letting her face nuzzled into his neck once again. She closed her eyes, still gently scratching at Harry’s scalp. Y/N had a feeling tomorrow would be quite the busy day, it was her birthday after all.

“Me as well.” Harry liked holding her. “I love having you like this. Sometimes I feel a bit clingy but, I love being able to touch you and feel you.” He admitted. How he would ever survive weeks without her, he didn’t know. “I know a lot of guys don’t like to show their emotion when it comes to this stuff but, I don’t know how they hide it. I hate the idea of not being with you like this. It was hell trying to pretend I didn’t want you on my lap beforehand so of course M’gonna eat this shit up.” He kissed the side of her head, hands rubbing up and down her back. “Think it’s round dinner time. I can call and get it brought to us. Tomorrow we are going somewhere special.” He was excited for their plans tomorrow.

“I like that you’re all clingy like me, makes me feel like less of a weirdo to always want to be touching you.” She giggled, “always thought you’d be... but then again you seemed to be so private and not about PDA. I mean, you’re still like that... but less with me.” Y/N did feel really special. She knew that a lot of it was for PR initially, but after that, he seemed to be completely okay with them being a bit lovey dovey in public. Holding hands and kisses and stuff, not thing too major. It made her feel good, she liked that he liked to show her off. Harry didn’t go to many award shows but she was excited to get to see him in his element and maybe be a plus one at some point. She’d love to wear some designer outfit and support him live and in person, interact with all the celebrities and gush about how much she loved Harry.

“I think I’ve never felt comfortable enough. For a few reasons— but the way people get invested in my relationships, I’ve never wanted to disappoint fans when I’d break up with them. It was odd. But I don’t feel like we will. So... I feel okay with them getting more invested in us.” It was an odd thing but since Y/N was a big fan, he knew she would most likely understand the reasonings he had. People were very sensitive when it came to his dating life and while he may not understand it, he knew that Y/N did. He didn’t want his fans upset if they didn’t have to be.

“I also didn’t want those photos haunting me for years. You know? I didn’t want people to use them against me when I ended up out of the relationship.”

Y/N nodded her head, knowing exactly what he meant. “I get that. You know how you say you think I know more about you than you do? It’s the same with fans. We love you and want to protect you and naturally some people have a strange way of showing it and get jealous.... just want people’s intentions to be pure.” She explained and let out a sigh. “Like, people are always going to hate, but i'm sure even you can tell the difference to how fans have responded... people love genuine love, and if there is any hint of deception people see it.” Y/N knew first hand, watched the way people ripped Kendall and Camille new ones and roasted her whilst there were significantly less hate comments about Y/N. “It’s really nice knowing your fans like me? Dunno, I feel like I’m one of them, because I am... I guess they feel represented.” Y/N smiled and felt herself blush, “would never do anything that would make them feel like I felt on a higher level... I’m still a fan, just cause you’re my boyfriend doesn’t change that.”

“I’m glad. I think maybe that’s what I’ve needed? Someone who understands that and doesn’t resent fans for wanting that for me.” Harry had always thought about it and tried his best to truly understand their heads. “I’ve never gone into it being like... I want a famous girlfriend. It’s just who I was exposed to. But I think that’s where I went wrong. I needed someone who wasn’t from this type of life, who wasn’t so jaded and guarded from everything.” Y/N was everything he could have wanted. “It makes me happy to think about you being friendly with the fans. Being more open with them is something I want to do with this next album, you know?” He dipped his hand under her shirts to feel more of the skin. He was greedy for touch. “I feel like... I hid so much of myself to protect myself in the band. Had to pretend I was a certain way because I was trying to protect my inner feelings that I haven’t been fully honest and out there.”

“If you never went through it, you wouldn’t know what you really wanted though. It taught you so much about yourself and about life and that’s what is most important. We all go through our own personal customized hell for a while and if we learned what we were meant to, we are gifted with what we have always wanted.” Y/N smiled brightly against his skin, kissing it softly before pulling back to look at him again. “The fans know that, they respect you. Most do. They want the best for you and want you to feel comfortable, just like I do or gem or your mum.” Y/N cooed, cupping his cheek. “I think they’d really like that, you know? They’ll appreciate it that much more because they know how much it means for you to be open.” It warmed her heart to think he was finally ready to be himself in the public. Sure he always had been, but to be even more vulnerable and to be more open with the fans and with his message. It was so inspiring. People loved that Harry was unapologetically himself and that would only continue. “I’m proud of you.”

“It’s been difficult but seeing you... as a fan beforehand, wanting me to be like that made me realize a lot. That you all genuinely want me to be happy. Which, in my eyes, is amazingly comforting.” Harry admitted. Y/N helped him so much. She didn’t even realize it. “I’m happy you’re mine. S’something that I just can’t believe sometimes. That you were placed into my life at such a perfect time.” It truly did shake him a little, how the work worked in that sense. She was perfect to the finest degree. At least to him. “I love you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. Not to scare you or anything— but I just think that you’re my forever and the fact that I can say that now makes me really fuckin’ happy.” He grinned. Y/N was changing him for the better.

Y/N smiled brightly, truly so happy that she was in fact completely and utterly in love with him the way he was with her. She’d never thought it would actually happen, only ever hoped and prayed that the day would come. “I’m so happy that you’re happy, never have to be shy in saying anything with me yeah?” She meant that. He could say anything at this point and she would be there supporting him, listening, and doing her part. “I love you. The most.” Y/N answered back to him, mirroring his grin right back. She felt like she owed it to him to be there for him in this time the way he was there for her when she needed most. To think that they’d be together forever, or that he even wanted forever with her? That was the best present anyone could ever give her. She’s found true love and she couldn’t be happier about it. “Forever.”

----

Harry woke up early. It was Y/N’s birthday, and he decided to make a post on his instagram— a personal one. One he hadn’t done, ever.

‘It is my favorite human's birthday today. My Y/N.

These years of life have turned you into one of the most intelligent, kind, and interesting creatures on this planet. The ability to turn my mind around about many things— including sharing bits of my life like this.

You are what makes me happy to get out of bed in the mornings. You make me coffee (black even though you hate it that way) and you sit and play with my hair until I wake up properly. You know I dislike avocado on my sandwiches and offer to switch every time I end up getting it by mistake. You take the time to ask me about my day and what I’ve eaten to make sure I haven’t forgotten.

It’s been a long while since I’ve felt the care for me like this. I’ve never felt comfortable enough to share to the world that I love someone so much that my heart aches with what I feel is over capacity emotion. We’ve all read fairy tales and wanted that one true love. I’ve been lucky enough to find it.

To find someone that fits every piece of you is so incredibly rare. I’m well aware of how lucky I am and I will never let you go because of that. Facing my fears is something you’ve made less scary— this being one of them. Teaching me vulnerability isn’t as terrifying as it seems, rather it is a release.

So many things you’ve done to make me happy, and I’m looking forward to a lifetime of doing the same for you.

Happy birthday, my sweet love.

H’

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A/N: FIN.

let us know what you think!

masterlist

#writing #harry styles smut #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles #harry writing #jarofstyles

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buckysbest · 3 years

Text

CHAPTER SEVEN(.5): Best Years Part 2

PAIRING: ex!Bucky barnes x reader

Warnings: mentions of traumatic events, medical stuff??, really poorly written medical stuff, i think thats it?

Series Summary: Bucky realizes one can only run from their problems for so long before they must returns home but he sure as hell wasn’t expecting her to be there when he did.

Word Count: <1k

A/N: WE'RE BACK BABY!!! finally I got the newest chapter up! This chapter is going to serve as an in between for Chapter eight and Chapter seven!

I also went through and re-edited the old chapters! this is for my OG readers, I love y'all! also if you're new to the series, its based off the album “calm” by 5sos! As always, thanks for supporting the series and I really love you guys! Let me know what you think!

Also a new announcement about my posting schedule will be coming tomorrow so stay tuned!

series masterlist // masterlist

To say that you had been devastated would be an understatement. They explained to you that due to the serum’s structure, he could only start to recover once his brain was able to send commands to the injured area. But Bucky hadn't opened his eyes in 3 weeks and with each passing day, the terrifying reality of him not returning to you became a more realistic one.

The impact on the team was so visible that fury pulled them from the public eye until further notice. You felt bad for the new recruits who had just earned a spot at the avengers complex. It was supposed to be the most exciting time of their lives but grief met them at every turn.

Natasha was the first to come to terms with the reality of the situation. She cried that night, in the arms of everyone else, but not a single mention of his name after that. You wondered what went on in her head when you saw her pass in the hallway. You knew it hurt her, you could tell by the small flinch that appeared on her face when she saw you. Just like everyone else in the compound, she saw Bucky in your eyes. It was hard trying to navigate the world as simply a reflection of tragedy.

During the grieving process, Sam served as the opposition to Nat. He seemed to keep the stoic neutrality he often embodied for the team as every leaned on him for support, but you were there when he visited Bucky every night. He always brought a new movie and stories of the day to fill the time, insisting he was there to comfort you, but the tears in his eyes and collection of Bucky's favorite films said otherwise.

You never minded though.

Sitting in the industrial hospital room alone for the entirety of the day was draining. The silence was only filled with the beep of his heart monitor and the sound of air that incubator rushed into his lungs. However it wasn't the lack of speech that truly made this silence heartbreaking, rather the lack of mechanical whirrs that left his arm when it swung around you or the missing jangle of dog tags that seemed to follow him everywhere.

Your only attempts to settle the silence were to fill it with the last bits of conversation you could remember. You could still feel the cold marble of the balcony under your feet and you hear the tear of flesh that followed his now empty promises. It took away your breath and it stopped any chance of sleep that you had, encompassing your every waking minute.

If you had only been an inch to the right.

Your hand found his as tears quietly fell from your eyes and a pained whisper came out of your mouth, “I would take it all back if I could.”

When you think about how that evening started, you wish you could live there forever. If you could only warn yourself. Your hand tightened around his as you begged to feel the warmth of his embrace once again. A knock invaded your memory, pulling you into reality as you wiped the tears from your face. “Come in”

“Hi Y/N”

You relaxed as the doctor entered the room. “Hi Dr. Blake, I can leave if you need the room” you said as you began to gather your phone and wallet.

“No! No, we are just re-checking for a change in vitals Y/N, you are absolutely fine”

As he pulled the flashlight from his pocket and began the neural functioning exam he completed every 6 hours, you allowed yourself to fall back into that moment. Sitting on the balcony, the promises he made were heavy on your heart. You would give anything to live that life with him.

“NURSE!” the startling exclamation from the doctor pulled you from your thoughts as you shot up from your chair. “He’s coming to, trying to breathe on his own, we need to remove the incubation tube!”

Your wide eyes brimmed with hopeful tears for the first time in weeks as they pulled the tube from his throat.

It took only days for his motor and verbal skills to return due to the serum finally being able to work, but you began to distance yourself from the soldier as the team began taking more and more of his time. As their hold on him tightened, your hold on yourself seemed to slip away. The nightmares became worse and every open door and window caused panic you had never felt before.

After the incident, your week-long stay turned into a permanent living situation. Unable to return to your room, you slept in Bucky’s hospital room while he was under. Upon his awakening and subsequent proposal, you were forced to confront the fear that entered your chest in order to gather your belongings and move them into his room. Hand in hand, you entered the room with Bucky. The white marble was still stained with his blood and upon seeing it, your breath caught in your throat.

“Y/N…”

You wiped your eyes before grabbing his hand, “I’m sorry Buck, I didn’t mean to- I just…”

His hand tightened around yours, “baby, i really don't mind grabbing your stuff”

“Bucky, you shouldn't even be in here... It’s not good for you’

“I’ve been through worse doll,” he said with a small chuckle.

It fell on deaf ears as you turned away from the balcony and into his chest. “I almost lost you…”

“I’m here… I promise”

26 notes · View notes

gothpanda · 4 years

Text

A Little Bit of Attitude Ch. 37: Vancouver

WORD COUNT: 5.1K

A/N: haha three ch in under a week? love that for me

TAGS: @madamsixx @nosebleedblitz

@emariehorror

WARNINGS: none

Read On Ao3

Previous/Next

February 5th, 1988

Tucson, Arizona

Nikki popped his bubblegum, resting his leg across his other to get comfortable in the dark green armchair. He waited patiently in the therapy office, looking out the wall-to-ceiling window to the Arizona desert. The sound of the door opening made Nikki's head turn, the on-edge feeling turning into a relaxed emotion.

"Sorry I'm late, Nikki. I had run into a colleague for a minute," said the Dr. grabbing his notebook from his desk.

"It's okay, Ortiz. Felt nice to think of what to say before we started," politely said Nikki, spitting his gum out onto a tissue.

"Good. It's always best to think before rambling during an appointment. Gets all the bases," said Dr. Ortiz, sitting down in front of Nikki. He clipped his pen and wrote down the date on his notes for Nikki. "So, how have we been feeling personally?"

"My mood has been good. I haven't tanked and felt depressed. It feels great to say that. I really haven't felt depressed since being here," said Nikki, scoffing at the fact of being healthy working out for him.

"Well done then. According to my notes here, you had a group therapy session a couple of days ago with a guest? Is that correct?" asked Dr. Ortiz. Nikki nodded. "And how was it seeing a familiar face for the first time since admitting yourself into rehab?"

"I was happy, then I was scared. Scared and happy at the same time. I don't know how anyone can have those feelings together, but I did," said Nikki, rubbing his hands together, Sammi's face popping in his head.

"Why were you scared?" asked Dr. Ortiz, ready to write down what Nikki was about to say.

"Sammi and I didn't leave on the greatest terms in California. When I saw her, I was scared of what she would say about being around me when I was doing heroin,"

"And how did you feel in the end after she expressed her feelings?"

"Sad… I really didn't realize how horrible Sammi felt about everything from the moment I started. It never crossed my mind the conversation we had when we broke up. I don't want to hurt her like that ever again," said Nikki, continuing to rub his hands together.

"While it may have been a terrible feeling to hear to her side of the abuse, it helps make you a better person living a sober life and get rid of the fear,"

"What if I'm still scared of being sober?" asked Nikki, looking down at his feet

"And what is it that you're scared of exactly?"

Nikki sighed, rubbing his hands on his pants. "What if I'm a terrible boyfriend to her being sober? That's what I'm scared about,"

Dr. Ortiz is taken aback but almost lets out a chuckle. "Why would you believe you'd make a terrible boyfriend? You seemed like a great man to her and only her. Even with your troubles from all of our sessions. So why worry when you'd be healthy?"

"Because I've never been with someone I love without some kind of 'help,'" said Nikki, blushing from saying the L-word. "I've always been under the influence even to a small extent with Sammi because I needed it. Without drugs I'm a timid man who wants to be with the smartest girl he ever met," sighed Nikki. "That's why I'm scared,"

Dr. Ortiz takes a second to think before speaking, ready to talk man to man. "Nikki, I'm not going to be speaking in a way of a therapist but how a normal married man would. If Sammi dealt and stuck around long enough when you had your shit, then what makes you think she's not going to love Sober Nikki?" asked Dr. Ortiz, narrowing his eyes at Nikki.

"But she blamed herself for me dying…"

"And that is when you act like a man and treat her like the queen she is to you. Understood?" Nikki only nodded. "Very good. It's going to be a learning curve but hiding isn't going to work out,"

June 3rd, 1988

San Francisco, California

Boxes upon boxes were scattered among the small place that was now Sammi's old apartment, ready to be filled with every single little thing she can take home. Sammi kneeled in front of one labeled 'photos' as Emma and Sabrina were graciously beside her, putting other things in different boxes. Sabrina organized all of Sammi's books while Emma took the time for her snack break.

"Thanks for the help you two, even if Emma's been eating the whole time," said Sammi, smiling over at Emma in the middle.

"Your kitchen is empty for your information thanks to me so you're welcome," said Emma with a mouth full of banana, Sabrina shaking her head playfully.

"Why thank you, Emma. Is it still hard to believe I'm finally done with school? No more having to deal with grades,"

"Tell me about it. I'm starting to miss it already and I'm only taking a year off," said Sabrina, reading the back of one book.

"Yeah yeah we get it. You two are done with college while my ass is still going to classes," said Emma, pouting.

"Awe you'll be fine," said Sabrina, pinching Emma's cheeks. "Just one more year and then you'll be free to your heart's content," The three girls chuckled along, Sammi continuing to pack her belongings on the living room floor.

"Hey Sam, I have a question," said Emma.

"Shoot,"

"Do you have any regrets moving over by yourself? I'm starting to think about what I wanna do when I graduate,"

"You're gonna leave me and move away?" asked Sabrina, raising an eyebrow.

"You're gonna leave us?" corrected Sammi.

Emma giggled at the two. "No, I'm not moving out just yet. I just want to know what it's like here since it's the 'gay mecca'. I have to be with the lesbians at some point," joked Emma.

Sammi stared into the distance for a moment, pursing her lips as she thought about the question, "Yeah I actually do. I wish I never moved here,"

"What? Why?" asked Emma, scrunching her brows together.

"Think about it. I didn't make any friends here. I only met rude and miserable people when I had the chance to make friends. All I have are bad memories. Me leaving didn't do any good back home with Nikki, leading to another fight with Vince. I should've just stayed in L.A,"

"Damn I never thought about it that way," said Sabrina.

"Me neither," added Emma.

"If I stayed then maybe I wouldn't have any awkward tension between Vince and now Nikki. Maybe we'd all be living under one roof. It's just something I think about," said Sammi, looking down at the scattered photos.

"Well hey, who needs friends when you have us," said Emma, swinging an arm around Sabrina to pull her into their side. Sammi only smiled at the two with a sweet chuckle before going back to finishing the last of the photos, taping the box shut.

"You do have multiple points. Speaking of which, how are the guys since getting out of rehab?" asked Sabrina.

"They are currently in Canada working on a new album, so that's always good. Tommy, Mick, and Vince left in April. I would say they're doing great since being out. Tommy was a big help going apartment hunting with me," said Sammi.

"What about Nik?" asked Emma.

Sammi sighed. "He went straight to Canada after being released. I haven't heard from him since that therapy session," said Sammi, lowering her eyes from Emma and Sabrina. They could see the change in Sammi's face. Even if she didn't say it loud, the girls knew Sammi missed Nikki.

"You should just go visit them," suggested Emma. "I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be the biggest shock in the world to the guys,"

"Yeah but this isn't a tour date. They're working this time, and I don't want to be a nuisance,"

"You seriously don't think Heather or whoever is dating Vince doesn't barge in when they record back home?" asked Sabrina.

Sammi did shrug a shoulder in acknowledgment until something clicked in her head. "Wait I just remembered Mick said I could visit,"

"Then go!" shouted Emma and Sabrina in unison.

"Fine! Fine! I'll make some calls after we're home and I'm somewhat settled," said Sammi, standing up on her feet and walking to see what needed to be packed in parts of her bedroom.

June 14th, 1988

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

For being summer in Canada, the country proved to be the coldest place Sammi has ever visited, needing to wear her warmest leather jacket for the trip. She was quick to learn Vancouver was a calm city with still enough action going around. Sammi made a mental note to come back whenever L. A got too hot for her.

With the help of Doc setting Sammi up in Canada, it didn't take any time to find the recording studio Motley was working at. Sammi walked straight into the two-story building, hands in her pocket as she looked at the wooden interior. She stood right in the middle of the lobby where no one occupied the front desk, surprised by the quiet. The sound of steps walking down the stairs caused Sammi to turn on her heels, facing a young man with papers in his hand.

"Uh hey!" said Sammi, smiling politely at the young man.

"Hi… um who are you?" asked the skinny young man, walking down the last steps with hesitation.

"I'm Sammi, sorry to just pop in like this," said Sammi, extending out a hand.

"Like the name. I'm Kevin," said Kevin, shaking Sammi's hand. "What can I help you with?"

"Well I was wondering if Motley Crue was here right now. I'm Tommy's little sister," said Sammi, fixing the strap of her purse.

"Oh yeah they're upstairs with their producer right now. Did they know you were coming?" asked Kevin.

"No, I wanted to surprise them. It's been kind of boring back in California," smiled Sammi to hopefully let Kevin lead her to the boys.

"Well…" said Kevin, looking up the stairs and back at Sammi. "I know their producer Bob might not like you being here but I do know you're pretty special to the guys,"

"Yeah, the guys and I are pretty tight,"

"Alright then come with me," said Kevin, leading Sammi up the stairs. Kevin led Sammi through a spacious long hallway, knocking on the second door to their right. He peeked his head inside once, opening the door slightly. "Um, sir, the boys have a visitor,"

"I said no visitors. These four don't need any female distractions," said Bob in a deep and intimidating voice. Sammi almost regretted surprising the boys if they had this man working with them.

"It's Tommy's sister Sammi, sir,"

"Sammi!" yelled Tommy, Sammi hearing his steps rush out the door. Tommy swung the door open and, in one quick movement, engulfed Sammi in a tight hug, lifting her up in the air. "I've missed you!"

"It's only been 2 months!" giggled Sammi.

"I don't care, I miss you!" said Tommy, placing Sammi down on her feet. Before Sammi could say anything, she soon noticed Nikki right behind Tommy, almost in hiding. Nikki sheepishly had his hand in the back of his jean pockets and a slight smile on his lips.

"Hey, Sammi," uttered Nikki, stepping closer to Sammi. Sammi couldn't keep her eyes off Nikki, first noting every single new thing about the man. He had more tattoos all down his arm of what appeared to be Japanese artwork. It complimented his now bigger biceps and toned body, seeing Nikki's pecs through his shirt. Tommy could see the shock and plan to gawk on Sammi's face, finding it downright humorous.

When Nikki stood right in front of Sammi, Sammi blinked rapidly and cracked a smirk. "Wow. You look…" lingered Sammi.

"Different?" blushed Nikki.

"I was going to say great. You look great with your new look," smiled Sammi, finally one take forward and hugging Nikki like normal. Nikki didn't question anything, wrapping his strong arms tightly around Sammi. She could feel the difference in strength right away.

"Come on, let's not be greedy," said Tommy, grasping Sammi's shoulder and leading her into the recording room.

Without Sammi facing the terror twins, Tommy flashed a smirk to Nikki as if the adults were back to being teenagers in high school. Mick was the first to welcome Sammi in, heading straight for a hug and a pat on her head.

"Ain't this a surprise, Little girl," said Mick.

"You're the one who told me to come," smiled Sammi, causing Mick to shrug his shoulder.

Mick was almost pleased with himself. "Didn't think you'd take the bait," chuckled Mick. Mick looking healthy was Sammi's first thought, causing the smile to stick on her lips.

"Hey Sammi," said Vince, going straight for a hug that was gladly returned. "Finally we can have some fun around here,"

Right as Sammi was close to responding when the sight of Bob caused her to shut her mouth. Bob was a big tall man whose voice matched everything about him physically. He towered over Sammi, glaring down at her with an intense stare. Sammi took a few steps back, almost hiding right behind Nikki.

"Am I really that scary?" asked Bob, breaking into a smile.

"Do you want an honest answer?" asked Sammi, staying beside Nikki. Nikki crossed his arms, puffing his chest to seem as if he was protecting Sammi. Bob nodded. "You're more than a foot taller than me and built like a football player. You are scary to me!" said Sammi. Everyone burst into laughter, any tension dissipating.

"Well I am not a mean person. It's a pleasure to meet you, Sammi. You just came at the right second, the boys are on a break," said Bob.

"I really hope I'm not imposing. I can just go back to my hotel and wait,"

"No!" said Motley in unison.

"Sammi trust us, we need you for a bit," said Nikki, squeezing Sammi's shoulder gently.

"You can stay for the rest of the session if you like, Sammi. I'm serious. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the offices. We'll start recording vocals in 20," said Bob, walking out, having Kevin follow him right behind. Sammi let out a sigh of relief, happy to not bother anyone who was working with Motley.

"See, Sam, you're welcome wherever you go," said Tommy pulling out a chair for Sammi that she accepted.

"I guess I am. But enough about me, how's the album going?" excitedly asking Sammi, smiling with bright eyes at the guys.

As the guys all settled back into their seats, Mick whipped out a piece of paper of every song for their new album, all in Nikki's handwriting. Sammi took the form for closer examination, reading off every circled name of a song.

"Okay so we have 'Dr. Feelgood'. That one sounds cool. 'Slice of Your Pie', I wonder what that one's about," said Sammi, glaring at all the guys with a smirk.

"Get your mind out of the gut, Samantha," teased Vince.

"Rattlesnake Shake. That one also sounds cool. Kickstart My Heart. That has to be about Nikki. Without you?" stopped Sammi, scrunching her brows together. She looked up at Motley, trying to read all their faces. Vince and Tommy shifted their eyes to each other, looking at Nikki and Mick. Nikki bounced his leg a bit more than usual. "What's 'Without You' about?" asked Sammi. Nikki and Tommy glanced at each other, waiting for one of the two to speak.

"It's a song about Heather and I. You know how record labels are about having love songs on albums," said Tommy, putting on a somewhat convincing smile.

"Oh so you wrote a song!" exclaimed Sammi. "That's awesome. Did you help him, Nikki?" Nikki shook his head. "Well can I hear it? Especially if you wrote it Tommy,"

"It's not done yet, Sam. We still need the instruments on some parts," said Vince, Nikki thanking him in his mind. "Anyway! How many days are you staying in Vancouver?" asked Vince.

"I'm only staying for 2 days. I just wanted to make sure you four were still good and running," said Sammi.

"Awe come on Sammi, you don't have to worry about us. We're adults who have now figured out life. Kind of," said Vince with a proud smug smile.

"Vince is right and we can prove it to you," said Nikki.

"Oh really? How so?" asked Sammi, raising a brow with a smirk to Nikki.

"How about you come out to our rental tonight. We can all make dinner together and catch up especially since I haven't seen you in months," said Nikki, matching Sammi's smirk.

"And whose fault is that, Nikki?" asked Tommy, chuckling at the glare he received. Sammi snickered but hid her smile behind her hands as Nikki faced her again.

"That sounds like a great idea, Nik. I would love that," smiled Sammi. It was like they were in their own little world again, where Nikki only knew Sammi. Vince didn't feel the massive sting of jealousy as before, only by a quarter of the feeling. Nevertheless, he had to admit it was nice to see Sammi happy as well as Nikki.

"I can pick you up from your hotel, Sam. Our place is basically in the middle of nowhere. It's by a small lake!" said Tommy.

"Well isn't that cute. I hope you four are ready for my cooking," teased Sammi, standing up from her seat as she noticed Bob about to walk into the room again. It was time to somewhat finish what the boys started, more vocals on Vince's behalf. Sammi just sat on the loveseat right behind Nikki with a happy smile on her face.

"Okay!" Bob clapped. "Let's get back to work!"

Sammi shouldn't have been surprised when she first laid eyes on Motley's rental house that appeared to be a country log cabin. It subtly screamed Nikki and his Idaho roots. A beautiful two-story log cabin in the middle of the green forest with a lake within walking distance. It was a fantastic little escape for the guys after a long day at the studio, calling this home for who knows how long. In the open space kitchen, Sammi and Tommy served the five plates ready for Sammi's food. Nikki set up the dining table with forks and knives, placing the guys' drink of choice. Without asking her, Nikki popped open a bottle of Sammi's favorite red wine and poured a glass for her. It didn't take much energy for Nikki to completely ignore the alcoholic drink. Vince and Tommy set the plates of food on top of each placemat while Mick put the garlic bread basket right in the middle. Everything smelled amazing.

"Okay! Are we all ready to eat?" asked Sammi, walking into the dining room, seeing Motley sat down like well-behaved children with Tommy leaving a spot right next to him. "I'll take that as a yes," Sammi said, sitting beside her brother.

It was a comfortable silence that filled the room. Only the sound being made was of forks hitting the plates that felt like music to Sammi's ears. Silent people eating was a compliment for Sammi.

"I forgot how great your cooking is, Sammi," said Vince, finally taking a breather as he sipped on his glass of water.

"It's just spaghetti with meatballs," snickered Sammi, looking over Tommy to see Vince.

"Yes but we are used to frozen meatballs and pregos spaghetti sauce," said Mick, mouth almost full of food.

Sammi shook her head, taking another bite of a meatball. She glanced over at Nikki right in front of her, smiling at how he ate in silence. "Nikki seems to love my food. His head has been down his plate the entire time." teased Sammi. Nikki only flipped Sammi off in a matter she knew was playful. Sammi notices her glass of wine, looking around the guys. She smelled it and took a sip, happy to know it's her favorite. "Did you pour me some wine, Tommy?" Tommy shook his head.

"I did," said Nikki. "I thought you would enjoy a nice glass of wine,"

"But-"

"Sam, you don't have to quit drinking just because we did," said Mick, patting Nikki on the back. Sammi didn't say anything else, taking another sip of her wine.

"So, Samantha, a little birdie told me you got your pharmacy license. How does it feel being a full time grown up?" asked Nikki, relaxing in his chair.

"I'm so happy I passed, I did not want to react that stupid exam. Now it's just interviews back in L.A," said Sammi.

"Finally settled in at your new place?" asked Tommy, finishing the last of his food.

"Yeah I just need to figure out what to put in the second room. I only have my San Francisco sofa,"

"I'm surprised you kept anything from that tiny place," said Vince. "This might sound so stupid but does a pharmist apply? All I can think of is Walgreens,"

"I am mainly aiming at the hospitals now that most have their own private pharmacy," answered Sammi, finishing the last drop of wine. "Oh! I almost forgot! I finally bought a new car! It's a mustang,"

"Hallelujah! She finally listened!" said Nikki, dropping his head back to pretend he was looking at God.

Sammi smirked and flipped him off. "Great to know you didn't leave your sarcasm at rehab,"

"Oh, I love family dinners!" exclaimed Tommy, being the first of a domino effect to rise from his seat to take his dirty plate to the kitchen. Mick and Vince soon left, leaving Nikki and Sammi alone. They stayed in silence, Sammi scratching her neck as she looked away from Nikki. Nikki kept his eyes on Sammi.

"Do you wanna go for a walk outside? I can show you the lake," asked Nikki. Sammi only nodded.

As Nikki and Sammi walked beside the stream, they still kept a fair distance between themselves, keeping a guard up. Compared to how they were only a moment ago, they couldn't speak to each other the same way in privacy. One of them had to break the wall first, but they didn't know who it would be or what they would say first.

"I'm sorry," said Sammi.

Nikki halted, scrunching his brows in deep 11's at Sammi. "What? You're sorry? For what?"

Sammi sat down on the dry grass, inching close to dip her finger in the cold lake water; Nikki sat beside her. "I started to think after the therapy session about how we started, and I realized I wasn't nice. It wasn't ideal to how a couple should start,"

"Sammi-"

"Just hear me out, please," said Sammi, biting her lip as she stared out into the water. "When I got with Vince I knew you had feelings for me, but I didn't do anything about it. I just ditched you and you have to admit that must've hurt, Nikki. Even if we got together in the end,"

Nikki sighed out, pulling out pieces of grass under his feet. "Yeah it did,"

"I should've never gotten with Vince right after we had sex for the first time, and I'm sorry I would go to you when Vince pissed me off, I shouldn't have done that either. I knew how much you cared about me and I still listened to Athena & Tommy. I should've just chosen for myself," said Sammi, finally looking at Nikki.

"Would you have gotten with Vince even if your siblings weren't in your ear?" asked Nikki.

"No… but I think I needed it. I needed that little heartbreak to learn," said Sammi.

"Thank you. I appreciate it, Sammi. I really do," said Nikki with a smile. Sammi sighed out, feeling the weight leave her shoulders.

"Also I'm so fucking sorry I called you by that name. I was just-"

"Sammi, again, I appreciate it," chuckled Nikki. Silence soon filled between them again.

"Hey, have you happened to have any 'demons' hit you up?" asked Sammi.

Nikki dryly chuckled. "If you mean my past drug buddies, only one. Veronica called me when I was in rehab,"

"Oh," said Sammi in straight monotone.

"Don't worry, she finally got the idea we're not getting married,"

"Hope she returned that fucking ring. What did she want?" asked Sammi.

Nikki smiled at Sammi, finding her jealousy amusing. "She said she almost overdosed a week before calling me, only to have her call me high off her ass. So I just wished her well and hung up. I couldn't handle that,"

"You sadly can't fix them all I guess," said Sammi sadly.

"I'm scared, Sam. I'm scared to go back to L.A," blurted out Nikki.

"Why?"

"Because I'm not the same Nikki that left. I know I'm going to lose friends but what if I get home and find out I really had no one this whole time?" asked Nikki, looking down at the grass. "Then what do I do?"

Sammi swallowed away her nerves, inching closer to Nikki as she laid a gentle hand on his bicep. "Hey, look at me," said Sammi. Nikki turned, eye dilating from how close to Sammi for the first time. "You have people now who truly care about you and you alone. I can already see a better relationship between you and the guys," Sammi soon grew hesitant, looking away from Nikki for a second. "And you have me. That's all you need right now after finally getting better. Remember that," said Sammi, squeezing Nikki's arm.

It took all of Nikki's strength to not lean in and kiss Sammi but be a miracle he managed. "Thank you, Sammi. I appreciate it," said Nikki. Sammi rested on her knees and hugged Nikki the best way they could. Nikki leaned into her, wrapping an arm around her waist.

June 15th, 1988

A knock on the hard hotel door almost scares Sammi, jumping off her bed and softly tiptoeing to look through the peephole. When seeing Nikki appear anxious in the hallway, she swung the door open with worry.

"Nikki, what's wrong? Are you okay? Are the guys okay?" asked Sammi in one breath, lightly placing a hand on his chest. Nikki shook his head, walking right into the single bed hotel room.

"I, um, I just really needed to give you something before you go tomorrow," said Nikki, rubbing his fingers together in a nervous habit.

Sammi eyed Nikki, not downplaying scanning him from head to toe. "Okay but just know you're scaring me," said Sammi, sitting at the foot of the bed. Nikki stood right in front of Sammi, pulling out a cassette tape from his jean pocket. He gave it one last look before handing it to Sammi, not looking her in the eye. As Sammi took the cassette, she quickly noticed "Without You" written by Nikki on the front, scrunching her brows together.

"You can play this right when I leave," said Nikki, ready to walk right out of the room. Instead, Sammi took to hold onto his wrist.

"What the hell is going on? Why're you giving me the song Tommy wrote?" asked Sammi.

Nikki sighed. "Tommy didn't write it. I did. It's finally a love song I wrote that isn't disguised… and that's about us,"

"You wrote me a love song?" smiled Sammi. Nikki nodded with a blush on his cheeks. Sammi couldn't help it any longer, standing on the tips of toes, cradling Nikki's face as she leaned in for that kiss. A kiss so soft and kind, Nikki felt his heart burst out of his chest, afraid to kiss again.

"Thank you," whispered Sammi, a smile still on her lips. Nikki scoffed, matching a smile. "But I need to listen to this right now," Sammi said, darting straight to the radio on the desk table. Nikki didn't protest, only groaned as he dropped himself on the bed, hiding under a pillow. The song in its entirety was touching but more so for Sammi, paying deep attention to every lyric. Sammi took the cassette out when it finished, looking over at Nikki's body thrown on the bed. She stretched herself on the bed, taking the pillow off Nikki's face to see his deep red flush.

"I love you," said Sammi. Nikki looked up in shock at Sammi, lips parting as if he wanted to say something. But all he caught was another kiss from Sammi with more passion. The two fell almost into the same old routine, Nikki's hand caressing Sammi's hair, Sammi's hand on Nikki's clothed chest. As Sammi started to lower her hands, the feeling of excitement turned into anxiety for Nikki in a blink of an eye.

"Sammi," whispered Nikki, placing his hands on her shoulders, giving the distance between them.

"What's wrong?" asked Sammi. Nikki slowly sat up, wiping the sweat off his hands. He took a few deep breaths, not able to look in Sammi's direction. "Are you okay, Nikki?"

"Remember when I told you I was scared?" asked Nikki. Sammi nodded. "Being with you like this was in that same word," said Nikki, meeting Sammi's worried eyes. "I-I've never been sober and doing this… with you,"

"Not even a little sober?" asked Sammi.

"When I say I was dependent, I really mean it. I needed a bit of something to bring me nerves down,"

"Guess your shyness didn't go away either," joked Sammi, rubbing her finger softly on Nikki's cheek. "Nikki, I'm not going to pressure you to do anything you don't want to do,"

"And trust me I do. It's just what if I'm bad at everything I thought I was good at between us?"

"I don't think it works like that, sweetheart. But I still don't want you to feel pressured to sleep with me. We can just cuddle and fall asleep. It'll be okay," reassured Sammi.

Nikki smiled lovingly at Sammi, leaning in to kiss her softly. "I love you, Sammi Lee. I really do," whispered Nikki.

Sammi's cheeks flushed. "And I love you, Nikki Sixx," whispered Sammi, leaning her head on Nikki's shoulder.

"Come on, you have a flight in the morning," said Nikki, playfully pushing Samami down on the bed. As Nikki stood at the bed's foot to strip down to his boxers, Sammi got under the soft white covers. The two fell back into the routine of late-night tv and cuddles. Nikki having his arm securely around Sammi with her head laid on his bare chest. The feeling of calm security quickly engulfed the two after a long marathon of danger. It was perfect.

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4lix · 4 years

Note

hello, i’m so happy you’re making a comeback. since you’re in the mood to write abt chan, may i request a best friends to lovers trope?

friends to lovers ★ bang chan ↳ gender-neutral. fluff.

okay so falling in love with ur best friend is a big L but its one u are more than willing to take for christopher bang

first things first, chan loves people with his whole mf heart.

whether its family, friends, or romantic interests

so when it comes down to him falling for his best friend? idk if he’d really realize it unless someone literally spelled it out for him, he’d just mistake his affection towards you as just the same kind of best friend love he has for ˙his group members

he’d never think much about the fact that most of his song lyrics these days were getting oddly too specific in detail about a certain someone

or how whenever he felt down his gut reaction was to call you up because the sound of your voice seemed to make everything better

or how he really really likes cuddling with you after long days of practice

and when you stop by the studio when he’s stuck on a track and just pull him to the couch to lay down for a while to get a break from staring at that damned screen, he’d instantly relax in your hold, sighing in content as your fingers twirled around his curls

and yeah his stomach is filled with butterflies and his ears are all red all that corny stuff but you’re his best friend and best friends cuddle sometimes too right?

best friends also feel the urge to kiss one another on the cheeks? perhaps sometimes they fantasize about what it would be like to kiss each other on the lips?

ok maybe not.

chan knew some of his thoughts were a bit odd. but you were really pretty so it was understandable. you were his safe place and the closest thing he had to home besides his members.

unbeknownst to him, you were honestly no better, a bit more aware of the fact that you could possibly be in love with the idiot but you were still in denial nonethless

whenever felix or hyunjin would tease you about your relationship with chan you’d feign disgust like he’s my best friend that’s weird! but your cheeks are red anyways and you’re kind of stuttering and hey is it hot in here or what-

when you had tough days chan would spam you with encouraging texts, a million obnoxious emojis, memes, just anything to make you smile and it always always worked, just the sight of a notification from chan always made you light up but that’s what best friends are for right?

friends make the world seem brighter, that’s all chan was to you, a friend.

and chan cared a lot about his friends, so it only made sense..

but unlike his other friends, you always got special treatment

he’d give you gifts for your friendship anniversary despite all the suggestive looks from his group members, kissed your forehead when bidding you goodbye and always sent you good morning and good night texts each and every single day

he’d go out of his way for you always and all of that just seemed normal, natural to him. because he loves with his whole heart and he doesn’t even realize it

he wouldn’t really come to terms with things until one of the members like screams at him to just stfu already because he won’t stop talking about you and he somehow makes everything about you and it’s driving them insane

they’d be like we get it you’re in love with y/n shut up already

and he’d just be a stuttering mess like !! no im not !! and yet his heart is racing in his chest and everyone looks at him with an unamused glare

changbin would be like “everything you’ve written these last few weeks are all about them-”

felix would chime in like “you killed your phone battery texting them all day and then used my phone to call them so you could talk for three hours straight.”

jisung is like “yeah and you bought like ten different gifts for your friendship anniversary but you gave me a set of socks for my birthday-”

huh wait maybe he is in love with you.

“those socks were knitted and really nice.” would be his only line of defense

the rest of the afternoon the members would just tease him about all his lovesick puppy habits that he was completely unaware of

like how his face lights up the moment you walk into the room

or how he can never go shopping without picking up something for you because hey y/n would look really cute in this!

and that he even mumbles your name sometimes when he’s sleeping lord help the boy

things kind of go to hell because now he can’t look at you without blushing and stuttering

he’s panicking because how the hell could he have fallen in love with his best friend who probably only sees him as a brother? if you liked him back surely you would’ve let him know by now, i mean if he was as obvious as his members said he was with his feelings there’s no way you weren’t aware of his infatuation with you.

but you were on the same boat really, to you, it seemed as though chan was affectionate with everyone, he smooched jeongin’s cheeks every now and then, and the socks he got for jisung’s birthday were kind of nice? you weren’t that special right? there’s no way chan could fall in love with someone like you anyways... right?

you knew him better than you knew yourself so his odd behaviour definitely did not go unnoticed even tho your sheer lack of brain cells prevented you from realizing why he was acting odd in the first place

the good morning and good night texts stopped, the spams of memes stopped, it was just radio silence for a few days and it was starting to freak you out but it was close to the deadline for the new album so he could just be stressed and you could just be overreacting

you figured you’d stop by the studio at like ass o’clock like always with some takeout for chan because you knew he never ate much when he pulled all nighters, you even threw in some of his favorite snacks and energy drinks, bringing your laptop with you to get some work done of your own hopefully

you did your signature knock on the door before entering but chan still jumped at the sight of you, weirdly startled by your presence, avoiding your eyes and only managing to cough and give you a tilt of a nod in greeting before gluing his eyes back to his computer screen

your first initial reaction is did i do something wrong :( and you intend to ask chan about it but he puts his headphones in and seems rather busy, you remind yourself again that he’s just focused on the new album he’d never purposefully ignore you.

you’ll ask him later, taking a seat on the couch, scrolling through social media mindlessly as your thoughts can’t seem to drift away from the boy across from you and how fluffy and soft his hair looks today.

after a good fifteen minutes pass, chan still hasn’t touched the food you brought which leaves you no choice but to annoy him to ensure he takes proper care of himself. calling his name multiple times to no avail, you tap the space bar, pausing the track before removing his headphones.

“channie, you can ignore me if you want to but i won’t let you ignore getting your vitamins and nutrients. i know you didn’t eat dinner. so eat.” he’s still not looking at you, just nods, clearing his throat awkwardly before turning over towards the takeout you brought for him and taking a seat at the couch.

you follow behind him, sitting right beside him. just a week ago you were here with chan laying on your chest, watching tiktoks of cats but now here you were, in the same spot but this time chan was silent, closed off. the complete opposite to his usual warm and bubbly demeanor.

he didn’t even bother to deny the fact that he was ignoring you, he just ate silently and fear starts to consume you because maybe chan really was upset with you?

before you figured he was probably just stressed and overly focused on the track he was working on but now it seems obvious he’s blatantly ignoring you, not even sparing a thank you for the takeout which was really unlike him. he always thanked you for taking care of him with tight hugs and sloppy kisses on your forehead. now he didn’t even look at you.

half of you was agitated that he was giving you the silent treatment instead of just being honest with you about whatever was bothering him but the other half of you really wanted to smooch his chubby cheeks filled with rice because wow he looked really really cute.

as annoyed with him as you were, you couldn’t help but appreciate his bareface, it was you favorite look of all, when he didn’t look like a famous idol, instead just a regular boy with blemishes and unruly hair in grey sweats and a hoodie.

a grain of rice hugged the corner of his lip, you fought back the urge to kiss it away. he was so unfairly attractive it made you want to punch him

you lean forward, reaching out to him to wipe the stray food away but he evades your touch, leaving your hand raised awkwardly out in front of you in rejection. now he didn’t even want you to touch him?

“did i do something wrong?” you didn’t realize how hurt you were by his silence, by his disgust of you, how he felt like a stranger these days. you kicked yourself inwardly for sounding so broken but the tone of voice seemed to strike something in chan because he finally met eyes with you for the first time in what felt like forever.

“w-what no not at a-all what makes you think that?”

“chan you’ve ignored all my texts for the last three days. you haven’t talked to me in nearly a week and now you can’t even spare a hello when i come in? you’re even avoiding my touch like i have the plague or something.” guilt washes over him immediately and he puts down the plate of food and looks at you with those brown eyes that are all sad and regretful and you forgive him before he even opens his mouth because you’re just that helplessly in love with the idiot

“i-i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to, really, i just have a lot on my mind right now and i just...” he turns to look away again but you place your hand to his chin, turning him forward to meet eyes with you again, he doesn’t shy away from your touch this time

“chan if i said something or did something wrong that bothered you, y’know you can always talk to me right?” you said earnestly, cupping his cheek in your hand, he leaned into your touch, humming gently. relief enraptured your heart, along with warmth

“you didn’t do anything wrong, i promise.” his eyes don’t leave yours, nor does his voice waver, so you believe him

“then why are you ignoring me?”

“because...” he tries to get the words out but his brain is going a mile a minute and you’re really close to him. you’re turned to face him, sitting criss crossed, knees bumping against his, he can feel your body warmth and it’s kind of sending him into overdrive

“because?” you urge him further, unable to help your lips from curling downwards in worry. he’s silent still, biting his bottom lip anxiously and you consider giving up for a moment but then he pulls your hand away from his cheek, instead holding it tight in his.

“i realized something. the guys, they made me realize some things.” he starts, eyes flittering past each and every single one of your features, admiring them silently to himself. how did it take him so long to realize he was in love with you? you were beautiful, his best friend, his whole heart, his muse.

earlier, his eyes were glued to the screen because he was rereading the words he’s written over the last few weeks and he couldn’t quite believe he wrote lyrics that were literally entirely about you and he had no idea, just assumed he had some new rush of creativity or something.

of course he was in love with you, he always been in love with you.

“yeah?” you rub your thumb over his hand slowly in an attempt to ease some of his anxieties. whatever it was he needed to tell you, it was clearly taking a toll on him, he was fidgeting, sighing over in over again and shaking his head trying to clear his thoughts. you felt a bit bad, perhaps you were prying too much?

“look i just–– i know we’re best friends, and the last thing i want to do is jeopardize that so if what im about to say makes you uncomfortable or something j-just forget it ever happened okay?” unknowingly, you hold in you breath, fear for his next words knocking the wind out of you.

“i... i like you. like like you, and- i don’t know how to deal with it so i’ve just been avoiding you and i’m sorry- wait why are you laughing?” his eyebrows are all furrowed and his cheeks are bright red and he’s squeezing your hand in confusion and you just look at him and just die of laughter

why were you laughing? you weren’t sure. maybe it was relief? joy? just pure utter love for the idiot in front of you?

“channie-” you attempt, but your laughter still has control over your lungs so you just cling to the boy helplessly, looking up at him with so much happiness in your eyes that he can’t help but feel a bit hopeful that maybe this laughter is good laughter?

“why are you laughing! i just confessed to you, put my heart out on the line and your response is laughter?” he’s smiling despite the confused tone of his voice, nudging you playfully but you pull him into you, shoving your face in the crook of his neck trying your hardest to get out the last of your giggles. with one last deep sigh, you prepare yourself to finally give him a proper response

“i’m sorry for laughing channie i’m just really happy. and relieved.” you finally pull away from him, resting your forehead against his, cupping his face once again in your hands.

“i like you too chan, i’ve liked you for a really really long time.”

the smile that lights up his face is one you’ll never forget, his eyes practically disappear, his dimples protruding through those precious cheeks of his and you can’t help the small laugh in happiness at the sight

“thank god i was actually losing my mind you know, changbin and jisung have been making fun of me all week, clowning me for being a lovesick puppy.”

“is that why they’ve been wiggling their eyebrows whenever i walk by-”

“unfortunately yes.”

“chan you should’ve just told me!”

“yeah well! i thought you saw me as like a brother or something!”

“what- no! i’ve literally been in love with you since the moment we met you idiot-”

“yeah well i’ve been writing songs about you for the last month, songs that you helped with and you didn’t notice a thing-”

at that you just :O bc realization hits u like a train n yea wait a minute he was pretty obvious..

he just gets all red again and then you smile at him and he’s smiling back at you and with the dopiest grin on his face he’s like

“can i kiss u..” and u dont bother to reply you just grab his cheeks and connect your lips with his

the kiss is kind of a mess tho bc you’re both just so ridiculously happy that you can’t stop smiling so yea its not a proper kiss but its filled with giggles and each time you pull away chan only leans forward to peck you again and again because he cant seem to get enough really and he’s just so elated that he can finally do this as many times as he wants

in conclusion chan loml<3

requests are open! :) ↳ notes: tysm for all the kind welcome back msgs ily all sm omg <3 i ended up combining two requests as they were a bit similar i hope thats okay hehe <3 also sry if this is sloppy this is my first post in a long time & im kind of rusty .. whew

#bang chan #bang chan x reader #bang chan scenarios #bang chan imagines #bang chan requests #stray kids

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fyexo · 4 years

Text

200529 K-Pop Superstar Baekhyun On His Sweet Solo Single "Candy" & Delightful Second Mini Album

A soft humming is heard on the other side of the line while the call stabilizes — of course one of South Korea’s most prominent vocalists would be singing. Baekhyun, who debuted in 2012 as a member of the chart-topping boy group EXO, has just released his second solo album, Delight, and his excitement is palpable through the phone.

Just minutes before this call, he was interacting with fans on a live stream through the app VLive. There, he answered a series of questions while waiting for the album to drop at 6 pm on May 25 (KST). Nicknamed “Genius Idol” for his array of talents, Baekhyun has tried a little bit of everything throughout his career: acting, fashion design (he’s the co-creative director of the brand Privé by BBH), gaming, vlogging, duets, the EXO subunit EXO-CBX, and leading the supergroup SuperM — who was the first Korean act to top the Billboard 200 albums chart with a debut release.

His solo career officially started last year with the release of City Lights. The album sold more than half a million copies and became the best-selling physical album of 2019 by a solo artist in Korea. Delight follows the same footsteps: it amassed 732,297 stock pre-orders, sold over six hundred thousand copies on the first day according to Hanteo (a company that shares real-time sales data in South Korea), and topped the iTunes Album Charts in 68 countries so far.

Sonically, Delight is a breezy, RnB-infused experience that showcases Baekhyun’s prismatic artistry. “I worked really hard on this album, and I was really happy working on it as well,” he tells the Recording Academy. Like “Candy”, the title track, each song has a different flavor. Deep cut “R U Ridin’” has a honey-dripping bassline, for example, while the bright “Poppin’” feels like chewing on sour candies, and the intense “Ghost” lingers with a coffee caramel aftertaste.

To deepen the discussion around his new album, The Recording Academy caught up with Baekhyun and talked about his inspirations, the development of his multifaceted persona, and, of course, his favorite candy.

This interview was edited for clarity, and an interpreter translated all answers from Baekhyun.

How are you feeling lately?

I’ve been really happy. There’s been a lot of excitement and expectation personally around the Delight release, so I’ve been relishing in all of that these days.

What were your inspirations for this album?

I wanted to try the RnB genre more, so that’s what I focused on for this album. In terms of the title itself, within EXO my superpower is “light,” so I wanted to emphasize that as much as possible.

[Writer’s note: EXO debuted under a concept where each member has a superpower, and that appears throughout their branding.]

Just the way the word “delight” sounds is pleasurable. What are some of life's delights to you?

Right now, the top ones would be being on stage and performing. Another thing is that I’ve been taking vocal lessons on the side, and that has been a source of delight to me as well.

What's your favorite song in this album? Are there any lyrics you would like people to pay attention to?

I have to pick the title track, “Candy.” If you listen to the lyrics, there is a part where I list candy flavors and ask “what more do you want?” I think it truly expresses confidence and boldness, that I can become whatever you like, just tell me and I’ll do it. That’s the part I want everyone to pay special attention to.

This ability to become whatever is needed at the moment also shows up in the contrasting sweet and sensuous styles you explore in the album. Can you talk more about that?

As you mentioned, that’s exactly what I was trying to do with the concept of “Candy” and of Delight in general. I wanted to showcase a variety of different sides that I have to myself. In the past, fans would always say that they like both my sweet side and the more sensual, performative side, so I wanted to capture both and present them in a bigger package.

Comparing Delight to your first solo album, City Lights, what are the main differences between them?

With City Lights, because it was my first solo album, I wanted to focus more on the vocals and showcase what I felt like I could present the best. If you listen to it, it’s definitely more vocal-focused. In Delight, I wanted to take a step further and show a different side to fans. I wanted to incorporate more performance, which means a lot of choreography and thinking about the visuals on stage. I also tried to make this album a little brighter and fresher than City Lights, so visually and performance-wise it’s different.

When I think of Baekhyun, the word that comes to mind is "balance". You have an impressive talent to blend light and dark, highs and lows, laughter and tears in your performances. Are you aware of this fluency in yourself?

Since I was younger, I always heard that I’m pretty honest with my emotions. People see the bright and happy sides of me, but they see the other sides as well. Because my personality is one that is honest about how I feel, I want to showcase my true self to people. I think that’s why people say that about me as well, of showing the balance between many sides of things. That’s what I want to do because it’s who I am, and also what I want to showcase as an artist.

You have been an idol for almost a decade. What has been your biggest lesson so far?

Going back to my previous answer, I realized that if you’re honest with yourself and you’re truthful in the way you act, talk, and interact with everyone, then people will know. People will know that you’re being genuine, and over the years I learned to be honest with how I feel when I connect with my fans. As time passes, I think they have been able to recognize that and connect with me on a more genuine level too. That’s the biggest thing I learned.

And what is the achievement you're most proud of?

My debut with EXO. Even though my training period was short when compared to other members, just to be able to work together, come together as a group, and debut together, it’s definitely my proudest achievement to date. And that’s what launched me to be where I am right now.

You were always known for your powerful singing, but during all these years you have developed yourself and are currently recognized as a multi-talented artist and skillful dancer as well. Can you tell us more about that process?

My vocals have always been my main strength, so it’s something I continuously work on and want to improve on. In terms of dancing, I have a friend named Kasper who is a dancer/choreographer, and he teaches me all the trendy dances, gives me advice on how I should do this or that, so that’s a practical way that I have improved my skills. In general, because I have a lot of energy, I felt like just my vocals weren’t enough for the amount of energy that I can showcase, so I always wanted to channel that through dancing, which is a different outlet.

Did Kasper create the choreography for “Candy”? And did you have any input on it?

Yes. Because we’re friends, when he would show me the choreography, I would say “what about we do it this way?” and then we bounced ideas off each other, especially when it came to the formations of the dance overall.

In the current world situation, it's hard to expect things or make plans for this year, but what is one thing you are looking forward to in 2020?

It’s hard to make plans for the rest of the year, but I’m hoping that things get better so I can finally meet my fans in person. That’s the one thing I’m looking forward to the most. Because of the current situation, we had to shift things to digital, but I’m also excited to meet my fans via different platforms as well.

Have the members of EXO listened to your album? What was their reaction?

When they listened, they said that it matches the seasons right now, as we’re going into summer. All of them commented on how it was a new style for me as a solo artist, like showing another side of Baekhyun, another vibe. They also noticed that I put a lot of effort into it, they’re really supportive.

If you could describe yourself as a candy flavor, what would that be?

Strawberry. Because its flavor encapsulates both sweet and sour, and that’s precisely what I want to do — show different sides. With this concept in Delight, you can see a more relaxed, confident side, but you can also see a very sweet and doting side of my character.

To sum it all up, what is your favorite candy flavor?

Green grape! In Korea they sell bags of green grape hard candy, those are my favorites.

Source: Tássia Assis @ GRAMMYs

#exo #baekhyun #t: interview #album: delight

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allsassnoclass · 4 years

Note

Prompt: 28, 10 and Lashton

You said lashton in an art gallery. I said Off-Screen circa 2017 (aka Luke’s Utah Era). this might feel a little out of context, because it is. the theoretical prequel that I'm writing would explain more of the surrounding circumstance, but the most important thing to note is that Luke moved in with Ashton in Utah after the end of the SLFL tour. This takes place in January of 2017.

lashton: “Where are all of my hoodies? Did you borrow literally every single one of my hoodies?” + art gallery

The last guest has left when Luke arrives, the gallery technically beginning to close for the night. Ashton is tired, all of the frantic energy from the past few months building up to this evening of schmoozing and revealing the deepest parts of his soul to be judged by the art community, and he feels empty now that it has passed. There’s a glass of some sort of fancy alcohol in his hand, but he hasn’t had the chance to drink it all night, and his suit feels like it doesn’t fit his shoulders correctly. It’s been bothering him, but he’s been too focused on smiling genially and making nice with every single person who passed through the doors to look at his art to do anything about it.

The sound of the main doors opening is loud in the quiet of the space, and Ashton tenses where he’s talking to the owner of the gallery. He relaxes once he sees that it’s not another art snob or a random person who got lost, but Luke. He stands at the threshold awkwardly, fiddling with the hem of one of Ashton’s college hoodies, beanie stuffed unceremoniously over his hair. It’s getting longer, and he’s been letting it curl more instead of spending hours styling it and trying to get it to sit right.

He looks just as breathtaking as ever, and Ashton is almost overwhelmed with how lucky he feels to be one of the only people to see famous rockstar Luke Hemmings with his guard completely down.

“Luke,” he sighs, relief too obvious. Luke just smiles and wanders, stopping short when something in a painting catches his eye.

“Friend of yours?” the gallery owner asks, and Ashton turns his attention back to her. It’s too easy to forget that anyone else exists the moment Luke enters a room. Ashton needs to get a grip.

“Yeah, that’s my housemate. Do you mind if we look around for a bit? He couldn’t make the normal gallery times.”

He logistically could have, because Luke doesn’t have responsibilities here in Utah, but Ashton knows that the idea of him having to look nice, be in a crowd of people, and possibly be recognized almost sent him into a panic attack.

“Sure. I’m locking up by 10, though, so be out before then.”

Ashton thanks her profusely, and the look she gives him is a bit too knowing for his taste. Still, she heads towards the back with an artistic grace, and Ashton joins Luke where he’s staring at one of Ashton’s paintings.

“Hi,” he says quietly. Luke leans into him in a practiced move, shoulders brushing together. Luke has always been familiar and comfortable, despite how little they see each other.

Ashton knows he should feel bad that Luke felt so lost in LA that he had to come all the way to Utah and Ashton to try and find himself, but selfishly he’s glad. For a few months, he gets Luke to himself, curled up on his couch and eating at his kitchen island instead of off traveling the world and meeting adoring fans. Besides, having Luke here helps. Ashton can’t take care of another person if he’s drunk every night, and meals are easier to prepare when there are two people to eat them. It’s easier to fall asleep if someone else is breathing slowly next to him. It’s easier to keep the loneliness at bay with Luke stepping into the gaps in his life.

“Was it a good showing?” Luke asks.

“It was,” he replies, resisting the urge to do something inappropriate like pull Luke closer and tuck his face into his neck just to breathe him in. “I even sold a few paintings.”

“You did?” Luke lights up. “Ashton, that’s amazing! Which ones? Wait, I want to see them all anyway. Walk me through them as we go.”

Ashton does, trying his best to remember the thought process and inspiration behind each of the paintings hanging in the gallery. For the earlier works it’s easier, because objects inside are more defined and they have clearer stories. For recent creations featuring bold strokes and swirls of color and more ambiguous shapes, the inspirations shift towards ideas. Some of them he created while drunk, and he has to check the title cards to figure out what he was going for, because while drunk Ashton isn’t good for much, he at least always writes titles in his notes app when he paints.

His professors made him include some of those works, saying that a few are profound and mesmerizing and probably your best work. It makes Ashton feel like he can’t create anything if he doesn’t have a few drinks in him. It’s a mindset he’s trying to move away from, but it’s hard. At least he has endless inspiration with Luke in the house.

Luke looks at a piece entitled Longing for a few minutes, and Ashton prays that he doesn’t ask who or what he was longing for while painting it.

“Come on,” he says when the swirl of blues and purples (with just that shimmer of gold to represent the person of desire, possibly forming a hazy constellation of Luke to anyone who knows what to look for) becomes too much. “I want to show you the synesthesia section.”

“Section” is a generous term, because it’s actually just four paintings on the same wall. He has many more paintings for various songs and albums back home, most of them on smaller canvases he can get from the craft store, but there are a few songs that evoke such strong, beautiful visuals that he had to paint them properly.

The first painting has a primarily blue background, mixing with black in short strokes by the edges. Traveling diagonally across the canvas are an assortment of other colors, mostly yellows and reds until they meet strokes of white in the middle. The paint is thick, creating textured mountains where the colors meet, and that’s Ashton’s favorite part about painting, really. He’s not very good at 3D forms, but paint never lays completely flat. He likes how dynamic it is because of it.

“Gravity,” Luke croons as he looks, “is working against me.”

Ashton loves hearing him sing. He was worried for those first few weeks Luke came to him, because he rarely heard it, but now he can count on random melodies filling the house at all hours.

“John Mayer makes nice songs to look at,” he says. Luke smiles at him, then they move on to the next one.

This painting has a bit more variety in color. Ashton remembers mixing them on his pallet, unbothered by the streaks it caused in the brush strokes, knowing that it was necessary to capture what the song makes him see. A dark background gives way to a curve of reds, purples, pinks, blues, ending in some greens and yellows and a hint of orange. He splattered white and black on afterwards, just a little bit near the middle of the curve, and Luke leans forward to see all the small dots.

“This one really does look like ‘Karma Police,’” Luke says. “Even I can see it.” He straightens and gives Ashton another grin, and he knows that he can’t capture that smile in a painting (he’s tried, so many times), but he still wants to attempt it again.

“I can’t believe how talented you are,” Luke says. “It’s almost unfair.”

“Thanks,” he says, ducking his head. Luke nudges him with his elbow and moves on to the next painting. This one follows a similar pattern to the other two, a dark background with color in the middle, but it’s messier. Blue and purple feature the most, but there are hints of orange and yellow, and white overtakes the painting in peaked chunks and thin streaks.

“You’d think that for a Prince song, there’d be a bit more purple,” Luke says, tilting his head.

“Maybe he should have written more purple songs, then,” Ashton shrugs. “‘Joy in Repetition’ has more blue.”

“Wait, is “Purple Rain” even purple?” Luke asks, alarmed.

“Yes, that one fits the title.” Luke looks reassured at that, and they continue to the last painting. Ashton feels nerves clench in his stomach.

He didn’t submit any of his photographs or colored pencil sketches of Luke, not even the really good one of Luke sleeping in his bed with an arm over his face that Ashton drew one night when the insomnia was hitting him hard, but this painting could be just as damning. It’s different from the other three because it’s slightly bigger and oriented differently, vertical instead of horizontal. The background is also based in white instead of black, primarily creating a pale blue to match the cautious optimism of the song. More blue meets with seafoam green, peach, and white in the middle, dripping down the canvas until all the colors fade into just the green. The lines of this one are smoother, blended together evenly, but there are bursts of gold in the middle and near a few edges that he bought a specific brand of metallic paint for. Ashton watches as Luke’s eyes trace the painting before he turns to the name card.

“Luke?” he asks when a few moments have gone by with him completely frozen.

“Really?” Luke asks, voice cracking. “This is what you see?”

“Yeah,” Ashton says. He knew he was going to end up painting the song as soon as he first heard Luke’s voice singing about tasting the ocean. “It’s mostly “Outer Space,” but I incorporated some of what I saw for “Carry On” at the bottom.”

“Oh,” Luke says, then turns and tucks himself into a hug, squeezing Ashton tight enough that he feels short of breath. Ashton wraps his arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer and letting Luke cuddle into him in a way that he’s almost getting too big for.

“I take it you like it?” he asks, just to be sure. Luke nods, and when he does finally pull away he swipes at his eyes with the sleeve of Ashton’s sweatshirt.

“Can I buy it?” he asks.

“Luke, you can have it for free.” Luke shakes his head vigorously.

“No, you’ve already given me too much. I want to buy it from you. You should be paid for your art.”

“Okay,” Ashton says quietly. Luke’s eyes are still fixed on the painting, and Ashton comes back to slide a hand around his waist again. “We can negotiate a price later.” He presses a kiss to Luke’s temple, because that’s something he can get away with still.

“Don’t try to give me a discount. I’ve already stolen your food and half your clothes.”

“Speaking of,” Ashon says, “I’m absolutely positive that this hoodie was the last one in my closet. Where are all my hoodies? Did you borrow literally every single one of my hoodies?”

“Yeah,” Luke says sheepishly. “They’re comfortable. They smell like you.”

Luke is going to kill him like this. Ashton can’t even be upset, because what a way to go, but things like that are not helping him keep a lid on how absolutely head-over-heels he is.

“I’d be more upset if you didn’t look so good in them,” Ashton says before he can stop himself. Luke’s breathing stutters, but he doesn’t do anything besides lean a little closer. Ashton’s heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest.

“Come on,” Luke says. “I still want to see the rest of your pieces, then we can go home.”

Home, Ashton repeats to himself. Luke thinks of your house as his home.

They wander their way through the last few canvases, then stop briefly in the photograph and colored pencil room before stepping out onto the street. Their hands brush as they walk, and Ashton wonders if he can get away with grabbing Luke’s. This night feels significant in so many ways. Something has shifted, and he’s not sure if it has to do with his art career or the man beside him. He wants it to be both so badly he aches with it.

When they have two more blocks to go before reaching the house, Luke reaches over and threads their fingers together.

A/N: I don’t have synesthesia, but the first three song paintings really exist and can be found here. the one for os/co was made up by me.

#my writing #lashton #drabble #off-screen #this just set multiple things in stone that were undetermined before today #but when (if) I ever write the prequel things could shift and change #also this Ashton has synesthesia. the kind where he can see music #also me writing the piece with os/co: 'oh Helen isn't going to like this'#ugh I had something else I was going to say about this but now I've forgotten #this is a little treat for the people who follow me here after reading it because this is not going on ao3 until after the prequel #off screen

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samwrights · 4 years

Text

Elixir - Punk!AU mini-series

Hi guys! So I wanted to write something a little different. Not necessarily a “choose your own adventure” but something along those lines. This mini series will be a Punk!AU where the reader is in a band where your story depends on the person you choose! While no place is actually mentioned, I’m thinking Chicago (home sweet home) for setting. I’ve been working on this between requests and, while the requests keep coming, I’m trying to get the routes going. For now, I present to you the prologue.

Thank you quarantine, necessary drives to my Starbucks, Halestorm, Neck Deep, Pierce the Veil, and Paramore for inspiring these babies. Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: there will be swearing, smoking of cigarettes and weed, consumption of edibles and alcohol, cheating and possibly be NSFW. I haven’t decided on the last one yet. Everyone will be of legal US age for consumption of nicotine, marijuana, and alcohol in the present day (18+ in some states for tobacco, 21+ in for everything else). However, there are mentions of underage consumption/distribution of alcohol. These are genuinely mature themes! If you are unable to understand that these themes are not encouraged to be re-enacted, specifically cheating and underage consumption/distribution of nicotine, alcohol, or marijuana, please do not read for your own safety.

A complementary playlist can be found » here

Photocredit by @scandeniall

Word Count: 3504

Prologue is below the cut!

You had been trying to ignore the gnawing thrum of discomfort that had worked its way into your intuition the last few weeks, but today the dull throb had transcended into an alarm blaring at the back of your consciousness. Like your body was trying to tell you something that should have been painstakingly obvious, yet when you attempted to pinpoint the cause, you fell short with an answer.

Period? Nah, too early for that.

Food poisoning? That wouldn’t last multiple weeks.

Pulled a muscle at the gym? That was a joke, considering you hadn’t gone to a gym since your senior year of college.

Anxiety? Well that was a given, considering you had a nasty gut feeling about something.

Stress? Stress was nothing new. In fact, stress was a very familiar friend to you.

What the fuck was it?

Even meditating on the thought for the last three hours, an answer had yet to come to you. Without ever finding one, you reluctantly pull the plush covers off of your queen sized bed and push yourself up to sit on the edge before checking your phone’s lock screen for the time. 1:23pm. You still had quite some time before you needed to leave for band practice, but you knew full well that laying in bed any further would encourage your current laziness. Making your way around the clothes that haphazardly littered your disheveled bedroom floor, you entered your bathroom to shower and get ready for the day.

The warmth of the water did little to quell the unsettling feeling that emanated from your gut. You even attempted to center your with old therapy tactics such as identifying all of your surroundings, such as which muscles of your body the shower was raining upon or the different notes in your voice that reverberated off the shower walls as you subconsciously sang. When that had failed, you allowed your mind to wander through the metaphorical meadow that resided in your brain.

At first, your mind focused on whatever lyrics fell from your lips, recognizing the prose as one of your band’s songs. Connecting the words that were committed to memory with people, your mind began to wander to your friends—the three boys you were thankful enough to call your best friends of a decade and members of your band, Elixir—Tetsurō Kuroo, Takahiro Hanamaki, and Yūji Terushima.

Kuroo, or Tetsu as you sometimes called him, was the guitarist of Elixir and the “mastermind” behind the name of your little group. Mastermind being a relatively loose term, as at the time, you all had felt indifferent to the name. But as nobody had come with any better alternatives, you all had stuck to it until it had grown on you. Kuroo was a year younger than you and, outside of the band, was a chemist for a small time company at the ripe age of twenty six. As you thought of him, you let out a soft snort that nobody but you could hear, thinking of his disheveled raven haired locks that framed his face; thinking of his earlobe holes that had been stretched out to nearly half an inch in diameter; thinking of the myriad of tattoos that littered his body from neck to toe. Sometimes, it did seem a little funny that this man had to wear a lab coat on the daily. You were so proud of him and of his accomplishments. He was ambitious and driven, focused on his goal of succeeding in both his field and with his band. Whether that meant recording an album and touring or just continuing to have fun was unknown, since really he would be fine with either or both.

Entertaining your analytical thoughts about Kuroo brought you to the bassist of your band, Takahiro Hanamaki, as you had met them both at your high school jobs in a local cafe. Makki, though he initially seemed profoundly reserved, had a relaxed sense of humor that typically came at the expense of others. At the time, he was a distinct contrast to Kuroo’s loud, antagonistic nature. Now, the two of them began to take bits and pieces of each other’s personalities. While Makki’s cool, composed self remained, he also was not one to avoid baiting someone just to crack a joke or tease them, an attribute he had adopted over the years of exposure to you and the guitarist. However, his laidback attitude was almost never immediately acknowledged by strangers, as his lanky build and harrowing, deep set eyes typically intimidate those who don’t know the light hearted bassist. And while he wasn’t the most “modified” member of the band, many saw the two eyebrow rings that rested above the right brow and, in conjunction with his natural features, immediately assumed the impression that Makki was unapproachable. You always had a soft spot for Makki and his slightly misunderstood ways.

Speaking of misunderstood brought your mind to the youngest member of your quartet—Yūji Terushima, or Teru as you affectionately called him. While he was only a year younger than the boys, two years in comparison to you, he was the life energy of the squad. When he had entered the cafe in which you, Kuroo, and Makki worked at for his first day, it felt that the final missing piece of the puzzle had been found, though you didn’t know it yet. It had been a year later, with you officially accepting the role of supervisor instead of trainer and Kuroo being your replacement. The two hit it off swimmingly and, while Makki didn’t necessarily match his energy, he compensated with humor. Terushima was, and still is, a wild thing. He breathes life into the rest of you by offering up crazy adventures that varied from a simple 2am Walmart trip to breaking into forest preserves at the dead of night to swim in a creek even though you had finals to attend to the following morning. In a sense, Terushima was the very reason Elixir had been born. After all, he was the one who encouraged each you to learn covers of songs until the interest had been sparked enough to learn how to properly play everyone’s respected instruments.

Backtracking your thoughts—finals. Finals meant university, and university was probably the most wild time of your life. As the friendship between the four of you continued to blossom with years passing, you all had made a pact to attend the same university. At one point, it had been tricky, trying to decide on where you were going to go and if you wanted to wait for Teru to catch up due to the age gap or if you, as the eldest, were going to pave the way for your juniors. It came as a surprise to the boys when you announced that you would wait, taking a two year gap in order to save money to lessen the blow of tuition in your bank account. Even more surprisingly, Kuroo and Makki had agreed with each other to do the same—what was the point in you staying behind and waiting for Yūji if they weren’t going to as well?

Waiting for Terushima turned out to be the absolute best idea ever. While you were initially hesitant to be rooming with three boys, friendship be damned, the four of you getting an apartment together for your university years was the best chaotic good moment you had ever been involved in. In a way, you all had gotten to celebrate many firsts together because of it. Did it bother you that you were a slightly older freshman? Sure, a little bit. Did it matter? Not at all, considering you were able to start buying liquor and beer as a sophomore in college and, as soon as your younger peers found out, you had turned it into a business to help pay rent for your shared apartment. Oddly enough, Terushima was the one who handled all of the expenses and calculated what you should be charging for your, ahem, “services”. Go figure, the youngest of you all was a math whiz. There was one unwritten rule for the apartment—no parties. Period. You could use your services to grab whatever supplies needed, whether it be alcohol, weed from a dispensary, or cigarettes, they were for your guys’ personal use only. Home was meant to home, and that was that.

Home; probably the single most important word in the entirety of your personal dictionary. While home was most often defined as a place in which a person or family resides, it meant something entirely different to you. Being home meant being with your best friends, your family. It meant being free to be yourself, unapologetically and unabashedly. And, maybe after rummaging through every single thought and analyzing each one through a metaphorical microscope, maybe that was where the disturbance in your intuition—that nasty gut feeling residing in the pit of your stomach—was coming from. There was something that you could not quite place that was disturbing your freedom, your home. Coming to the realization that your hot water had now gone cold, prompting you to shut it off and seek refuge and warmth in a fluffy towel and robe. Had it gone cold in that moment—the moment you realized why you had been on edge? Or had it been running cold out of irony that you had been in meditation for so long you hadn’t even realized it? You would never know the answer.

2:07pm. You still had plenty of time before band practice, considering both Makki and Tetsu would still be at work for another hour. To give them ample time to unwind from their work day, practice always started at five in the evening. In an attempt to kill time, you opted to make yourself a small lunch before sitting down to do your hair and makeup so as that you felt more comfortable being in public. Not that the boys cared—they lived with you for four years in university, they knew what you looked like at your absolute worst. Perhaps it became a habit to do so when you re-entered the working world as a full fledged adult three years ago.

2:29pm. After having your lunch, even taking the time to do all the dishes before moving into your next task—getting ready. While you didn’t feel the need to go overboard on your appearance, since it was just practice after all, you still had a solid hour and a half before Elixir was supposed to meet. Having plenty of time to kill allowed you to take your time to forego some self-care as well; maybe giving your locks a little extra tender love and care if you felt you needed it; plucking stray eyebrow hairs that had grown just a bit further outside of your desired shape. You checked the time on your phone again after you felt your look was complete, hair, makeup, and all. How the fuck had only an hour gone by? That was way more effort than you normally put in, or so you claim, yet time seemed to be mocking you.

3:36pm. If you could magically waste time picking out an outfit to wear to practice, you were doing so now. One part of you almost wanted to chuck on the leather pants you would potentially be sporting for tomorrow evening so as to give them a slight stretch and make them more comfortable while you performed. Another said to just keep it simple, and stick to leggings and a nice loose tee to keep you at ease. The last option that your mind entertained was wearing shorts and a tank because it always got so hot in Terushima’s basement during practice. You even went so far as to try on multiple shirts and tops that were essentially the same, swapping out different preferred accessories to see if you liked the look, if only to make the minutes tick by. Hell, you even tried multiple pairs of shoes, lacing each foot individually before the clock had passed four in the afternoon. Eventually, you tied on your typical, everyday combat boots despite the wasted minutes trying to do a wardrobe check. Now that there was only an hour left for Elixir to begin arriving the at the drummer’s family home, you decide to give yourself ample time to stop by and grab coffee for everyone.

4:13pm. You send a text message out to your mates, waiting for them to reply with what you knew would be their typical orders. Well, as typical as it could be considering Terushima was always trying out crazy concoctions. One by one they responded and of course, your assumptions were correct when Teru sent in his drink that took up four rows of text. “What in the actual fuck?” You grumbled out, squinting at your phone while simultaneously trying to enter your car. Following your typical routine of turning on whatever guilty pleasure playlist you were feeling in that moment and lighting a cigarette, you glanced at your friends order one more time before ultimately deciding to place the order online. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself ordering Yūji’s stupid drink. After placing the order, you made your way to a Starbucks closest to the aforementioned boy’s family home.

The drive to Terushima’s wasn’t a particularly long, even with the coffee run. Traveling between two suburban towns typically only took about twenty minutes regardless of the direction you were coming from, though you hadn’t taken into account the long line wrapping around the Starbucks Drive-thru. Not that it mattered—you were still on time for practice. Even if it seemed all of your friends were already here. Cautiously exiting your car with the tray of drinks in one hand while you let yourself into the Terushima residence.

His parents greeted you warmly as you always did before you made your way down to the basement. “Ayeeee, there’s momma.” Makki greets, taking the tray from your hands and distributing everyone’s respective drinks. Small talk place between band members, distracting you from the other three people in the basement—your bandmates’ girlfriends. When you did finally acknowledge their presence, you gave them a tight lipped smile, so as not to be rude, though they only gave a blank stare before bringing their attention back to the phones in their hands. You gave a roll of your eyes. It wasn’t that you didn’t like them, per se. It was more along the lines of you were the only female in the band and they automatically assumed that you were out to steal their mans. Not the case, especially considering you all formed the band before any of them were even in the picture, but go off.

Having already finished your beverage from earlier, you began plugging in the microphone into the amplifier and tuning the guitar you used for a small number of songs. Everyone else seemed to be ready to go except for you, who was strapping on the aforementioned guitar to prepare for the insanity of an opening that is Kuroo’s masterpiece. Besitos, he called it. Spanish for little kisses, you often wondered where the romantic title had come from considering the narrative was less than pleasant, even foreshadowing murder in the final verse. When you asked him about the inspiration for the lyrics and the title, Kuroo did nothing but laugh, adding in, “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

The second song was a project curated by your drummer, Terushima. Brick by Boring Brick was a song that he claimed was inspired by his girlfriend, which was an endearing gesture if that were the truth. But from what you and the rest of Elixir had known of his girlfriend, she didn’t come off as a person plagued with baggage. Not that you could base it solely off of appearance, but with her and Yūji’s short lived relationship, it was a bit unbelievable that he had unlocked her tragic backstory in a matter of three months. Then again, what did you know? You didn’t even remember her name.

The title of the third song, Growing Pains, always made you laugh at the irony considering that Makki’s tall ass wrote the song. While a romantic, upbeat love song from Teru didn’t strike you as a shock, it certainly did coming from the bassist. Emotions that danced in the “love” category didn’t really sway him often. Maybe his girlfriend was just that special to him? You weren’t sure, because once again, you knew none of their names. But you knew for a fact that the song seemed to call for something more stable, endearing growth together and support for each other, which had you questioning how long had you been apart from your friends.

After the third song, you were winded and uncomfortable and no amount of water you chugged was helping you with sweat and dehydration. “I’m gonna die tomorrow.” You joked after setting your water bottle down by your microphone stand.

“We’re only a third of the way through the set, headass.” Terushima joked, pulling down his lower left eyelid and sticking his tongue out to you.

“For real, it’s only been like twenty minutes since we started practice.” Kuroo chided.

“Yeah, but can we smoke instead? I think there were a few things we should tune up before moving onto the next third of the set.” You looked to your guitarist with pleading eyes, holding a cigarette and lighter between your fingers. Makki, without saying anything else, pulled out a small bowl and packed it. He knew that any form of pleading made Kuroo a weak man, which inevitably meant a smoke break was up next rather than continuing on with work.

“Fine.” Despite the mock defeat in his tone, Kuroo is already gliding up the stairs, taking two steps at a time with you in tow. More steps could be heard, but they were lighter than the boys you had come know so well, meaning the three stooges were most likely following suit, despite them not being smokers themselves.

You and Kuroo were currently seated on a stone barricade as you lit your cigarettes, the rest of the crew picking at sporadic seats along the wall. Teru and Makki were next to each other to share their bowl while their girlfriends sat on the outside of them, just to your right. Kuroo’s girlfriend had taken up occupying the space between you and your guitarist and, maybe for a moment, you were wondering they were deliberately arranged this way.

The worst part of the girlfriends accompanying practice, in your eyes, was not their presence, but rather the fact that you felt like you couldn’t even talk to your best friends, your bandmates at band practice, because they were too busy comforting them so that they “didn’t feel out of place”. Regardless, you respected your friends enough to not make the situation more difficult for them—if you needed to say something, you could say it in the basement where spectator talk was not welcome. Out of the corner of your eye while you were internally monologuing, you see the lanky arm of Makki offering you the bowl, a few cinders of his hot still lit. With poor timing, he grabbed your attention while you were exhaling the smoke in your lungs, unintentionally doing so onto his girlfriend. “Shit, I’m sorry.” She rolled her eyes, though you know you didn’t do it on purpose. Whatever, she had her truths. You held up your hand that squeezed the filter of your cigarette between your index and ring finger. “I’ll get it on the next turn,” making Makki shrug and pass the small glass bowl back to the drummer.

A couple more drags of your cigarette soothes your craving for nicotine and when the paper had finally burned all the way to the end of the filter, you tossed the butt into the dead fire pit that acted as the center for your gathering. Terushima stands up real quick to hand you the bowl that had been nearing its end—giving you the last couple hits before it was cashed. When it came to marijuana, you didn’t smoke very often, but today you were grateful for the offering. Maybe the high would take the edge off of your...anxiety? No, that wasn’t it. Irritation seemed to be a better fit.

The seven of you shuffle back into the basement, rearranging yourselves, and knocking back a beer. “Okay, so before we move on, is there any song that you guys think we should work on before moving to the next third of the set?” You asked, your back towards your audience while you looked at your bandmates in earnest. They looked at each other, before locking eyes with you.

“Is there anything you want to work on? You’re the one who’s switching around with instruments and you’re the one who runs around on stage so we’ll leave it up to you.” Kuroo says evenly. You pursed your lips in uncertainty, think back to how each song sounded.

“Ya know what, let’s work on...........”

[ Besitos ] » Kuroo’s Route

[ Brick By Boring Brick ] » Terushima’s Route

[ Growing Pains ] » Makki’s Route.

BONUS: Terushima’s Starbucks order.

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