#that isn’t my only suggestion but it is by far the funniest

[aberooski]

It's been days and I'm still laughing about the fact that I told my sister when she gets a new cat she should name him Mothman ✋️😭

[livmightlive]

2 Adventure AU (cont.

REFURBISHING AND polishing my 2 adventures AU 

If you don’t want to read my last post, (which is fair bc it was mostly rambling), the gist of it is that the LU crew goes on two adventures. The first one occurs while most of the chain is quite young and then years after that adventure ends they all come back together again grown. This applies to everybody BUT Warriors. 

For the first adventure most the heroes are really young. Time has just finished the events of Majora’s Mask. Wind has just finished Wind Waker. Four, he’s not even Four yet, just went thru Minish Cap. These three are all around age 11-12.

Hyrule is 13, having been living by himself for a year now after completing the events of Zelda 1. Legend is 16 and has only been home for few months after the events of Link’s Awakening. 

Sky and Twilight are both 17, having just finished their respective journeys.

WILD, I owe this completely to the suggestion of @durudurururu, is 16 and has recently been knighted and is starting his fight against the calamity. He has not been through the events of BotW yet. 

And Warriors. . . Warriors is a 23 year old, recently appointed captain, who is in the early stages of the war of eras. He has so far not met Mask or Tune yet in his war. 

I think the funniest way this would go is that Wars along with Sky, Twilight, Wild, and Legend are pulled together in quick succession and are told somehow by the goddess that there’s a great threat that requires many of her heroes to vanquish. 

Wars thinks this will be fine. He isn’t shocked that this is happening, his own era is going through something similar, and working with some teens isn’t bad. He’s already used to leading young knights back home. 

Shit hits the fan immediately 😭

Warriors tries to take charge, assuming a leadership position quickly. Sky and Wild are quick to follow him, already quite used to following captains back home, but Legend and Twilight… 

Legend, freshly traumatized, has decided that he already hates Warriors and does his best to refute everything he says and generally makes things 100 times more difficult. Legend often tries to do his own thing which pisses of Wars to no end. Wild and Legend develop SEVERE beef right away after Legend’s declaration that “knights ain’t shit.” Sky tried to play mediator until Legend declares that “Hylia is a stank-ass ho” as to which Sky is like: >:(

Wars hopes that Twilight will be reasonable. He tries to tell Twilight to do something he doesn’t want to do one day and his response is to spit in the ground, “not the city slicker telling me what to do.” And struts away. 

Wars prays, PRAYS., for the day this adventure is over. His teenage comrades get into more fights with each other than they do with the black blooded monsters they should be. Their hygiene is almost dangerously bad. They REEK. Wars prays for the day he doesn’t get awoken by a petty argument. Three times this week dinner has been interrupted by a PHYSICAL altercation between from two to ALL of the boys.

When Sky says the goddess told him more heroes will be joining them, Wars prays that they will be older and wiser. When he’s met with a gang of child soldiers he decides that Hylia must be dead and gone because this has to be the work of demise. 

Two of them are non verbal. The masked one makes some attempt to sign, but the young, skittish teenager makes absolutely 0 effort to even try or even indicate that he’s listening to Wars. Wars is convinced that both of are feral. Were they raised in the woods?? In a cave? 

One is a self proclaimed pirate. Wars is ashamed in the others that the person who tries hardest to actually listen to him is the 12 year old actual criminal who starts struggling with alcohol withdrawal a week into the journey. 

Baby Four is basically the version of himself at the beginning of the 4 sword manga. A huge ego as he’s a budding knight. He listens to Wars less than Legend does. 

Miraculously they manage to survive, not even the journey but each other. Things got a little easier. 

Legend takes responsibility for Hyrule after the chain discovers he’s not in fact non-verbal BUT Hylian is not his native language. He speaks Calatian and Legend the resident polyglot takes to teaching him Hylian. 

Wars is shocked when Wild and Twilight become buddies. He has no clue when that happened. Wild is unsettlingly quiet and too well behaved at the best of times while Wars has to bribe Twilight to bathe sometimes. 

Four looks up to Sky after he learns that he’s a god slayer and starts listening to him in proxy of Wars. 

Wars finds himself with two shadows, Time and Wind.

Their mission comes to a close and Wars finds that he’s dearly going to miss all of his little brothers despite the stress they put him through. He’s prematurely greying now. 

He returns to his own war, reunited with Time and Wind, each a smidge older. After two more years, the war is over and Wars once more says goodbye. The day after the war is declared over, Wars is pulled back by the goddess into a journey across time once again. Apparently there’s some unfinished business from last time.

Wars is SO stressed. He’s not at all ready to go back to being the single father/Fiona Gallagher to 8 traumatized children again. He barely, BARELY, survived last time.

Somehow what he finds is much worse 😭

All of Wars’ journey including the one he went on with the chain, occurred over 3 years for him. He’s now 25. So why… WHY is everyone else so much older????

Baby Mask and the Minish hero are so much older. Time must be pushing 40 and Four is easily 5 years older than Wars.

Twilight, Sky, and Legend are all in their mid to late 20s. Twilight is courting a nice young woman, Legend is engaged, and Sky is MARRIED. With kids. 

Wild, what happened to that guy???, is nothing like the quiet, unsettling, lad he was before. He’s in his early 20s and well. More Wild than ever. He also doesn’t remember or barely recalls anybody.

Hyrule, shy, skittish, feral, Hyrule is also now in his early 20s and is almost outgoing. He speaks clearly and magic unlike anything Wars has ever felt before seems to come from his very being. 

Wind is finally of legal drinking age and is shockingly similar to before except now he claims to be able to see dead people. 

The first thing everyone does is treat Warriors to a drink while he processes.

[variousqueerthings]

My granny used to put things on tumblr

It's! The Infamous! Kill The Moon! otherwise known here as the pro-life Doctor Who episode. so that's... something that was on my mind while watching. To be honest, I don't think I'd go that far, I think it was mainly politically completely unsure of what point it was trying to make at all

but yes, it makes the suggestion that Tumblr is not only around but a hit with the teenagers in the year of 2049, which is actually its best and funniest statement

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 8/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored, or given agency to her emotional interiority): 8/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually and philosophically and emotionally): 3/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 7/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 5/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 4/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 4/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 10/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 3/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 2/10

FULL RATING: 54/100 (if I can count….)

this episode.........

OBJECTIFICATION: we brought back fan-favourite ORANGE SPACESUIT (orange spacesuit my beloved). Actually genuinely, hi bby I miss you every time I don't see you. It's been in this season twice for some reason

apart from Clara, we also have Courtney the teenager, and um... science space lady whom I recognise from back when I watched all of Spooks just to get to Richard Armitage in s7 of that. but enough about MI6 propaganda, this is um... Moon Propaganda? listen, I know exactly why it's called the Pro-life episode, and technically that is its worst implication with what it's doing, but I think there's so much else we can tear it to pieces for

however, objectification of its female characters is, blissfully, not one of them

PLOT-POINT: so as of time of beginning this sentence, I've rated this one quite highly, because it's all about Clara's trust and faith in the Doctor being shaken, when he treats her badly just one fucking time too many

I'm unsure if it'll continue being highly rated, because unfortunately the way the episode went about all of it was sooooooooo "forcing something into the correct shaped hole in order to make this exact point and so as consequence I feel like Clara almost suffers as a character, rather than grows"

but this may be an issue to come at in other points. Technically it fulfills this remit!

COMPLEXITY: moon's an egg. [gets a nuclear bomb]. moon's an egg.

oh boy oh boy does it try to do something emotionally complex with this one, but really all it's about is that ostensibly all of humanity is wrong for being worried about a Thing Happening that they've had exactly no knowledge of since like. less than an hour before they have to make a decision, and even then have barely any info on

seriously, listening to Clara's speech, I was wondering if I was on earth, how would I react to that? Ok so wait, moon's an egg- oh it's hatching, right now? and we want to blow it up to... turn it back into the moon? BBC science advisors what do you make of this, oh hallowed of totally unbiased news? doesn't the moon doing all of this mean the earth is fucked either way, I mean... something with tides right? ahhh we have vote by turning off the ligh- well the council roadworks shorted out the building again mate, so idk. guess I'll die. or the moon dies. or we both die? do I have enough mobile data to check in with this one?

so wait, if the moon's an egg- [episode ends]

they should not have involved the whole earth in this one for starters. secondly the Doctor leaving is bonkers yonkers. thirdly the scifi bullshit is streeeeetched thin. sooooo thin in this one. fourthly Science Lady with the nukes, I don't understand your motivations very well beyond Space Scary so this might be scary also. fifthly Clara being in the middle of something that makes so little sense, means that I'm having to engage with her emotions about something that makes no sense, so how can I take her arc seriously? this is ostensibly a Clara-centric episode that has her reevaluate her whole feelings about the Doctor based on being warned about Red Flags numerous times, but the science fiction underlying concept is "would you kill this unborn child if it would save billions of people" to which the answer is... yes?

(aaaand we come around to the pro-life vibes of the plot eyyyy we got there)

but mainly "would you kill this unborn child if it would save billions of people" is then peppered with so many "uhhh ignore this logic flaw" moments that I can't get into the actual ostensible philosophical point it's trying to make, because not only is it a bad point, it's also made badly -- it's not "would you kill this unborn child to save billions," it's "this hypothetical child is the moon, and whether or not you kill it doesn't matter, because the earth is gonna be without a moon either way, so you're basically fucked might as well let it live" or even (as it turns out to be) "this unborn child is the moon in a system that deliberately makes sense to allow earth to continue, so there's no real stakes here actually"

ironically M*ffat-era did this better in s5ep2 with The Beast Below, and there was more to it than "just" people kinda suck. like yeah, that episode struuuuggled with justifying its political structure, but its central philosophical ideas are quite interesting and Amy's journey in that is about growing and changing and seeing

Kill The Moon has such a simple premise that you can't see anything but the question it's asking and the more you look at it the more you go... "wait, what?"

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: this is the episode where Clara finally goes, "hey fuck you!" at the Doctor and yeah, it better be, however I have so many questions about what the heck the Doctor is doing in it

a. leaving Clara behind just to see what she'll do b. "lol if the child that crucially I am the only own who knows doesn't have to die dies, then that's a learning opportunity for... someone" c. this episode starts because the Doctor told a clearly-struggling teenage girl that she "wasn't special." not onscreen or anything, just at some point, just cos -- I have been reminded several times (by others and also by myself) that Ten could be quite unthinking at times, and this is true. it brings to mind when Ten says to Donna that she's not important, but the context there is that Ten sometimes says/does things without thinking and in this instance, crucially, is having a bit of a rough time, and then spends the rest of their time together basically apologising for his own words. now not that this is a "competition," they're not real etcetc. but Twelve is. A Dick. To Everyone. and that is kind of just... there. I am waiting for something to happen with that, I am seeing where this is going, but seeing as I brought up Eleven and The Beast Below a second ago, "you couldn't bear to watch a child cry" is one of the most interesting things about that character, and other Doctors bear this out too. they are -- for the most part -- not massive dicks to kids

Twelve has a line in this where after Clara rebukes him for being a bastard to the kid for the whole episode, goes "she’s fine, what are you 35?" (Courtney then replies, "15")

it's fascinating that this Doctor not only doesn't like people, this Doctor doesn't even see people

and Clara is now reacting to this at last by going, hey buddy, fuck you

but I am definitely reaching a point where I hope all of this makes some sense, because oh boy is the Doctor just not likeable, and the more that is stretched out, the less fun I have watching these episodes, especially when it feels like it's being leaned on for comedy

COMPANIONS MATTER: I have feelings about M*ffat having a couple of episodes where some kids that Clara knows are brought on a space adventure, and those feelings are... it was bad

I think the actress who plays Courtney is better than the two kids in Nightmare In Silver, but she is -- like them -- such a badly written teen, do you not know how 15 year olds speak? what is the purpose of having kids in these stories, if you're not telling a story for that age group? "Hey, you too could fly on the Tardis and have an adventure and do something incredible," but instead it's "hey you too could... tag along, get bored, sit on your phone, make stupid comments, and be ragged on by adults the entire time"

I will give Courtney is 100% going "uh let's not kill this creature" the whole time (weirder vibes with the pro-life undertones, fine if you just consider that like... it doesn't make sense to kill it anyway, because once again, have to say, the scifi is so bullshit as to be unintelligible)

meanwhile Clara asks the earth for advice, decides not to kill the moon against earth's advice and everything is fine and dandy (no consequences within the actual episode, because it's really just a backdrop on which to cause Doctor and Clara Drama), it's... the more you think about it, the less she has to do in this episode, other than to emote (understandably) at the Wildness of the Doctor just deciding to leave her alone, just... because.....

but yeah, technically none of them need to be there. even Science Lady is barely an antagonist

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: HE'S A DICK WITH A TIME MACHINE WHO DECIDES TO PLAY 5D CHESS FOR NO REASON FUCKYOU MATE

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: HE'S A DICK WITH A TIME MACHINE WHO DECIDES TO PLAY 5D CHESS FOR NO REASON FUCKYOU MATE <- this was the previous point also, and I think that may be unfair to call "totally against every way the character has been written thus far," but then again.... is it?

we've had Machiavellian Doctor. we've had Doctor makes decisions for others, because they don't trust people with their own agency (literally from the beginning). we've even had Doctor who tries to unwrite a fixed point in time because of being mad with grief

we've had many flavours of this kind of Doctor. but have we had a Doctor who just... leaves.... because fuck this noise. not leaves out of defeat. not leaves out of disgust with people. not leaves because of idk, exhaustion. leaves because "hey why not let you deal with this one, even though I have all of the information to defuse the situation instantly, but I just don't like anything anymore"

there's some grains of something that could be interesting there -- and even is interesting in other episodes of this season, but maaan do I feel like they gambled on how far they could push things with this episode, but failed to make anything in it compelling, and so the Doctor comes out the other side an incomprehensible asshole

there are fun references to classic who in this episode, but at least one of them feels bastardised (the earth isn't my home) in order to justify the Doctor simply not caring anymore. it's like the inverse journey of Nine, but an endless endless slog

boy oh boy does this season/era have a lot of legwork to do to make me care

��SEXINESS”: I guess at least this is fine?

INTERNAL WORLD: *I wish I could take a massive swig of wine but I do not drink. sips tea with disgust instead* the moon is an egg could be fun. it is not. political situation on earth that merits earth being involved in this episode? nah none of that

Tumblr is still around though. should I vote it one down or up for that assumption?

POLITICS: ohhhhkay we've covered this I feel, in all the other points, but to summarise: it's so incomprehensible, with a dash of I think definitely unintentional pro-life stuff going on, but mainly just there to justify the Doctor's continued bleak, cynical, utter lack of faith in humanity As A Statement

sure there's a breadcrumb at the end of "and now I guess you'll get better" but it's just... it's like you know how Rise Of The Guardians has this whole Thing where children stop believing except for this one persistent light that won't get snuffed out, and so the Guardians all gather around that light as a way to regain their powers and protect the children

this episode doesn't even have one persistent light, never mind a coherent political statement. I think the one persistent light was meant to be Courtney, but it failed so hard at having purpose on any fronts that of course she was barely needed in it either

we also get an added nugget of Danny as he uses his experiences in the army to mirror Clara's experience with the Doctor (which, even that is just... bleak as hell comparison to make here)

Danny: I left the army Clara: You loved the army Danny: Yep. And then one day I didn’t

seriously hope we get something more in-depth about Danny versus the military industrial complex at some point -- I mean, orphan who found structure in a system, the violence of which eventually drove him out? that's interesting. Potentially

FULL RATING: 54/100 (if I can count….)

this episode should not be rated this highly, but its crimes do not extend to literally treating its female characters as garbage for being women, although I do have some questions about Courtney as a Black teen who's told she isn't special as what sounds like a casual aside and acts out as the setup for this episode to happen in the first place

at least we hear she does well at the end of the episode, but urgh, why is she there for this story, when so much of it is pointless, her being there is just as pointless as the rest of it

at the end of it, we are left to question: okay but does the Doctor's character regression at least get better after this?

and what is Clara's whole... deal (at least that, I think, is answered at the end of the next one)

[monstrousfemin1ne]

"good girl." from lucci to drucilla (is he sarcastic, is he not—)

@foremyth, tell my muse "good boy/girl".

He exists in a space in her mind like a personal demon made manifest: as every sickly, dark, and exciting thought she’s shoved down because she’s a “different” kind of pirate. She does not tell him about the time her crew threw a bunch of slaves overboard rather than hand them over to the government, a lesser of two evils by a slim margin, because it would only serve the point. They aren’t different.

He’s come to her for help, and isn’t that just the funniest thing? She laughs when he first lays out the idea, knowing she should feel smug that he keeps coming back. That he feels it too, whatever it is that has them circling each other like beasts chomping at the bit, without the follow through.

They’re pretending to be a couple at a village fair, sussing out an innocuous old builder with too many secrets and more than enough lingering underground connections for the government’s tastes. Working alongside Cipher Pol is a new low, but it chips away at the debt she’s incurred for participating in the Impel Down break, and so she shoves that down, too. The guilt plaguing her stomach.

Drucilla should laugh at how out of his element he is, a far cry from the combination of a crisp suit and removed manner. You’re one of us regular folk now, she wants to taunt, as the smell of cheep beer and cheaper food permeates the open area. She may be at work, but she can still enjoy the festivities.

She suggests dancing, half because it looks good, with all of the other moving couples, and half because she wants to. Of course he takes the lead, catching her off guard like a hapless fawn taking too many steps too soon. She does what she always does around Lucci, and reads him, letting her arms settle around his neck to anchor herself.

“Good girl,” the husk of his voice breathes against her ear, smug and something else, something inviting, that provokes a shiver down her spine she cuts off at the midpoint. “You’re a son of a bitch,” she whispers sweetly as she follows his lead.

On one of the turns, as positions readjust, she pulls back to look at him as they follow the lazy sway of the beat and her features turn curious, shy of amused in their disbelief. He appears as content as she’s ever seen him. “You look like you’re having a good time.”

[occult-roommates]

Giuseppe the Great

One Sunday morning, Daniele invited his cousin and Dawud at the art museum. He didn’t had the gut to go full-blown sabotaging their relationship like Rudi suggested, but you know...infamously nothing good ever came of him and Dawud going to the art museum together. The funniest part is, the young spellcaster had never actually stepped a foot in that place, and as soon as he did...oh boy.

Daniele: NO WAY! It’s Giuseppe the Great! Dawud: Who?

Well, not really, but god did he wish it was actually the real deal. Daniele ran towards the large painting he had just seen. Eventually, he caused enough of a scene, they got kicked out of the museum...Maybe this is the bad thing that was supposed to happen this time, but he held on hope Matteo was gonna confessed he cheated on Dawud or something.

A bit later, they went to the park, where Daniele could finally unleash all at once his knowledge on Giuseppe the Great.

Daniele: No way you have never heard of him, he’s one of the most famous spellcaster ever! Dawud: Well, my education on occult is kinda lacking, like I had never heard of your family before meeting you and apparently you guys are a big deal in the spellcasting world. Like, except for one mermaid in the same grade as me and Audrey’s grandma who is a fairy, I don’t think I ever met an occult person before moving here. Not a lot of y’all in Oasis Spring. Matteo: Isn’t Oasis Spring famous for having a quite sizeable community of werewolf? Dawud: Yeah, but they tend to live in the most impoverished area of the city because nobody wants to hire them. And luckily for me, like not to flex on having a privileged upbringing or anything, I grew up far from the poor part of Oasis Spring so I never came across them, at least as far as I’m aware like when they’re not transformed werewolves just look like anyone else...Well, there was that guy in my school basketball team who got bitten, but he got an anti-lycanthropic before turning into one. Matteo: I actually feel so bad for werewolf, we spellcasters like to claim we’re the one having it the worst but like...these people are so damn demonized and for what? Spellcaster will even kick out anyone who gets bitten by a werewolf, it’s insane. Daniele: Ok I’m not here for that, I wanna talk about Giuseppe the Great!

Giuseppe the Great, also known by his legal name of Giuseppe Paradisi, was a man Daniele had admired since childhood. He was originally born in 1898 in rural Italy in a village mostly populated by spellcaster named Befana, however he was unable to do any sort of magic. As a result, his family rejected him and he was shunned from his community. When the Great War came, he joined the army as soon as he turned 18, but was discharged upon contracting typhoid fever.

Two years later, shortly after the end of the war, he got sick again, this time being the dreaded 1918 influenza. Refusing to pass away so young, out of despair, Giuseppe messed with his father’s cauldron trying to make a healing potion and well...he succeeded. He did magic for the first time, incredibly well, and he could do spells now, powerful one almost nobody in their lifetime masters! The new quickly spread across Befana as people were lining up to see him do magic or get healed with his potion. 

Sadly, his miracle cure only worked in spellcaster, but for them, it was a real life saver. Quickly, Giuseppe’s story was spread throughout the spellcasting world both for protecting them from a terrible disease, and also as a fascinating case of someone developping powers at a very late age...Yeah 20 is not old, but considering that the vast majority of spellcaster develop their magic before the age of five, and the average age being six months old...It would be like if someone suddenly started walking at that age with no problem when prior to that they were completely paralyzed from the waist down since birth.

A legend was born that day, and it would not stop growing. He became an incredibly respected spellcaster, was even elected the head of the Spellcasting Counsel multiple time. Which is to say, he was the president of spellcasters basically. Hell, some spellcasters started worshipping him as a god though he himself never enjoyed having a literal cult formed around him and nowadays, this has pretty much died down.

Daniele: And you know, I respect him because I can relate to his story of being rejected because he didn’t have any power. I mean...I still have mine but you know...And while there’s like, no consensus on how he suddenly got power at 20, a part of me hope that I too will be a full blown spellcaster again one day. Oh and fun fact, he’s Matteo great-grandfather. Dawud: Damn, really? That must mean he’s yours too, right? Matteo: I mean, dude had 54 kids and those are the one that we know of, being his descendant is barely a flex. Dawud: 54!! And I thought it was impressive and over the top when I found out my own great-grandparents had 13, though that’s not including the one who sadly didn’t make it to adulthood. Daniele: Yeah, and while I wish I was his great-grandson, Matt and I are cousin through our respective mother, while it’s Matt’s father who is related to Giuseppe.

In fact, Matteo never even got to meet Giuseppe. The man had so many kids because well, to put it bluntly, he had a literal harem. Matteo’s great-grandma did not belong to it though, cause on top of that, Giuseppe also had random flings ever once in a while. 

Dawud: Is it mean of me to say this might be why the spellcaster gene pool is infamously small? Daniele: It’s only in some countries! We’re 10% of the world population, there’s millions of spellcasters, the offensive joke that we’re all inbred is just that, an offensive joke. And the reason it’s that bad in Italy is because we were kicked out of the country back in the 1920s. Giuseppe and his supporter in fact fought hard to prevent this from happening. Matteo: Yeah, that’s what happened to my great-grandma actually. Which is why my dad side of the family is from San Myshuno instead of being from Tartosa like my mom side. Dawud: Damn, the worst fate of them all, being forced to move to New Jersey. Daniele: ...Weren’t you yourself forced to move here?  Matteo: Anyway, I don’t wanna be a bitch but like, the reason why he had that many kids is literally because back then believing in eugenics was socially acceptable, and he wanted to spread as much as possible his “powerful spellcasting genes”. Which is funny since the fact he got his power so late means he likely carried the gene that cause spellcasters to be born without magic. It’s even widely accepted he has some secret kids he’s hiding because they were born without power or had condition similar to Dan’s one. Daniele: Fuck off, those are just conspiracy theory. If that were true, at least one of those so call “secret powerless child” would have come forward by now. And also Giuseppe. had a few kids with disability and he never hid them. Hell his youngest son was a Thalidomide baby with no limbs and he always talked about how much he loves him. Matteo: Well first of all, this “Thalidomide baby��� had a name, and his name was Hans. Second of all, to me it feels obvious he was parading him like a sideshow freak, like this famous video they show in school of Hans manipulating a wand with his mouth fucking feels like the poor kid was being exploited. Third of all, Hans killed himself in the 90s so how good was his life do you think?!  Dawud: Can we not argue and just change the topic at this point!

Well, sure, that was interesting at first, but at this point Dawud had no idea what the Rossini cousins were going on about. Also it was a lot of information all at once, his brain couldn’t handle learning any new more thing today.

Prev - Next (mild nsfw)

[hanyusan]

the saga of my mom’s spiral back into figure skating

If anyone needs a spirit lift, here’s a list of things my mom has done since the Olympics started:

has sat down to breakfast every morning armed with her giant mug and the latest and greatest figure skating gossip; never one without the other

mandatory reminiscence about the days of Kristi Yamaguchi, the GOAT residing in her heart

mandatory comparison of every skater to Kristi, regardless of discipline (and no, your fav will never match up to her)

in the fashion of a seasoned figure skating fan, calls the judges dumb but still gets really excited when someone she likes gets good scores

she actually likes everyone because they’re all precious babies

every time she sees an Asian athlete, she goes into Asian mom mode and unfailingly says: 太乖了太乖了 = “such a sweet/good [child]” x2

clicks on every headline involving either Yuzuru Hanyu or Nathan Chen

pronounces Yuzuru’s name as “Yuzuzu”

researched Yuzuzu on the almighty Wikipedia and determined that his height and age are optimal. Optimal for what, you might ask:

based on the above information, determined that Yuzuzu would make the perfect son-in-law for her painfully single daughter (AKA me) and suggested that I take a plane to Japan and propose marriage to him, after which he would apparently marry into my family and I would raise him on my graphic designer salary plus benefits

if the proposal is a failure, the backup plan is finding a man of his likeness on a dating app via a succinct bio: “If you are similar to Yuzuru Hanyu, I will consider you”

was dismayed to find that all the fellow moms in her group chat also want him as a son-in-law, hence she reluctantly told me that she’s giving up on the idea (she has not given up, if her continuous lamenting about the competition is any indication)

thinks Keegan Messing is the funniest man alive after his whole travel debacle. My mom is the type who would find it hysterical if you fell down the stairs (as long as you’re okay)

we were all discussing skaters’ height during Nathan’s free and she recited his height instantaneously. I do not know when she looked it up or how she remembered it because she tends to forget trivia the moment she learns it

also looked up Shoma Uno’s and Yuma Kagiyama’s heights and found bragging rights in that she is taller than them (she isn’t)

casually researched Nathan’s background and stalked discovered his dad’s LinkedIn page. My only justification for this is that she has the mentality of a sociable businesswoman

asked if Nathan is from California. When told he is from Utah, asked if he is Mormon

apparently the mom group chat also partakes in just as much angry discourse about Yuzuzu vs. Nathan as Twitter. Basically, no one can escape from this timeline

I am 100% certain that the only reason she has not suggested me taking a plane to Utah to propose marriage to Nathan is because he is younger than me. You have been spared, Nathan. Yuzuzu, though, get ready

so far has ended every event asking me what I’m good at and why I’m not as good at anything as the skaters are at skating

This is only after watching the men’s discipline. I fear that this is only the beginning.

[hotch-stufff]

hello, can I request an au where the team teases the reader because she likes Gibbs a lot and Gibbs do flirt with her... like pure teasing in the au... just the team teasing them both MANY TIMES, ALL THE TIME and reader getting all shy and blushing every time ... and Gibbs just smirking...

Blushing

gif by lucifersagents

Paring: Gibbs x Reader

Warnings!: flirting, a curse word or two, kissing, literally a bunch of fluff tho, and Gibbs being cocky ofc

Description: Gibbs decides to flirt a little, how were you supposed to know he was being serious?

------------

You had a problem.

Not really a problem, more like an inconvenience.

But it caused problems. You tended to blush, a lot. And when people discovered this, they would try and make you blush, a lot.

One of these people happened to be Leroy Jethro Gibbs, and he, being the cocky man he is, began flirting with you just to see that blush.

This was an even bigger problem because you liked Gibbs. Like a lot. You were probably in love with him at this point. He was just so ... so Gibbs. There weren't really words to describe the man. But he was driving you crazy with the flirting.

And boy did it happen a lot. On cases, in the office, in his basment, just about eveywhere.

Dinozzo and Ziva thought it was the funniest thing. Probably because the comments were so out of character for Gibbs, and because they definitely knew that you liked him.

But when he made one of those stupid comments your face would turn bright red, and Gibbs would get this stupid smirk like he had accomplished something. Which of course led the team to believe he liked you back and you would get the brute end of all the teasing.

Of course, you never thought anything of his flirting. You simply thought it was to mess with you, to find some amusement during the long days you all spent hunting serial killers.

What you didn't know was that he meant every word he said. Every innocent little flirt that would bring out the pink dust that appeared across your cheeks.

* * *

One day in particular he was very persistent.

"Mornin gorgeous." He spoke as he walked through the bullpen. Of course, you knew he was talking to you, so you glanced up rolling your eyes, blushing hard. He looked so good today, although he looked good just about every day.

"Morning Gibbs." You muttered. Barely even 9 am and he's already starting.

"I dunno how ya always looks so pretty Y/n." You looked at him, bewildered, because this was by far the most confident he had been. Usually it was a subtle little comment. Every now and then. You continued to stare at the man bewildered.

But when he caught your eye, he winked at you. The man FUCKING WINKED at you. You were sure your face was beat red at this point.

He turned around like he hadn't said a word, leaving you to calm yourself and try and get your face to look somewhat normal before everyone filed in the room. Of course there was no getting rid of that stupid red blush. Especially since the man you were practically in love with, just said those, those things to you.

"Already started Gibbs? And I missed it!?" Dinozzo says as he walks past your desk. You simply rolled your eyes again. Usually you would let the comment go, but you decided to say something back.

"Oh shut up Dinozzo. You're just jealous he isn't flirting with you." You aren't sure where this new found confidence came from, but you definitely appreciated it. Not only does it get a laugh from Gibbs, but also McGee and Ziva who had just entered the room.

Ziva sent you a look, shooting a glance at Gibbs as her own smirk adorned her face. She raised her eyebrows up and down in a suggestive manner, causing your blush to deepen. But you had just shut up Dinozzo, and that is no small feat.

Feeling very proud of yourself, you glance at Gibbs, only to duck your head again when you saw that stupid smirk. You knew what was coming.

"Well Y/l/n, quite confident are we?" He paused, probably to prepare you for his next words. "It's hot." Aaaand here comes the blush. Shyly, you ducked your head for the millionth time that day, and avoided all eyes. Snickering was heard across the room and you are 100 percent sure if you glanced up there would be...

That.

Stupid.

Smirk.

God that smirk was starting to do things to you. If Gibbs kept going like he was for the rest of the day, you might just have to die from embarrassment or waltz over and kiss the man.

The latter was looking more appealing at the moment. And as soon as Gibbs left the room, the teasing began. The constant teasing from Dinozzo about how you should make a move already.

You again told them he didn't feel the same as he gave you a disbelieving look.

"Sure Y/l/n, if you say so." And the conversation moved on.

* * *

A week or two passed and the comments were getting scarce, one or two a day. He hadn't ambushed you like he had that morning in a while.

And you hated the disappointed feeling you got.

You didn't really appreciate the flirting in front of other people, and the constant blushing was annoying yeah, plus the teasin from the team got on your nerves, but you liked the idea of Gibbs flirting with you. And you liked Gibbs.

Maybe he liked you too?

No, that's stupid.

It was just innocent flirting. He didn't mean anything, right?

You decided that you desperately needed to know. You decided to find out right then. You got in your car at 10 pm and drove to his house, finding him in his basement.

He heard you come down, and as soon as you stepped off the last step, his eyes dragged up and down your body, making you feel hot all over.

He was checking you out. And he wasn't very subtle about it.

"What can I do for ya ... bueatiful." Here we go.

"I wanted to talk to you." You spoke out meekly. Your voice quiet.

"Oh? Just talk?" He asked slyly, his eyes telling you a whole story.

"Y-yes." He noticed your nervousness and a look of concern flashed across his face. He knew you would get shy when he flirted, never nervous. He didn't want to make you uncomfortable. Your next words took him a bit by surprise. "Why do you flirt with me?"

He looked rather shocked for a moment before recovering.

"Why?" Was his only response.

"I just wanna know. Does it mean anything?" He wanted to say no. That it didn't mean anything. Just to see you blush. That was why he did it. Thats how it started anyways. But then he got addicted to that blush. He fell in love with your adorable blush.

"Yes." Your cheeks tinted and you smiled.

"Well then. Are you going to just talk?"you asked, referencing to his earlier words. And there was the smirk. That handsome smirk you had no doubt fallen for.

One moment he was standing next to his boat and the next he was kissing you fiercer than you though possible. Brushing strands of hair from your face, he deepened the kiss, his tounge fighting against yours. You whined into his mouth, causing him to smile against your lips. He broke away only when the need for air became too strong.

"I love ya." He pecked your lips. "Georgous." You giggled shaking your head.

"I love you too. But you know what I love even more." This was gonna be a long shot. But you had to see if it would work. He looked at you confused, tilting his head adorably. You paused for only a second longer. "Your ass."

And his cheeks tinted bright red, as you smirked.

Now you knew exactly why he had done it so damn much.

------------

Thanks for reading! Requests are still open, so ask away! If you would like an idea of what to request, here is my prompt list, and if you would like to read more of my work, here is my masterlist.

[robininthelabyrinth]

3. I have no idea if this time line would work, but MYX and XY get attached to each other, so when the time comes that MYX and XY need to leave Koi Tower, JGY helps them get married in secret and run away to Dongu. Anyways, a few years latter, JGY has a kid that needs to go and people in a removed location that owe him favors! Isn’t that a wonderful combination! A Jin(?) Rusong raised by Uncles Mo and Xue, or whatever they go by these days, would be very chaotic. Bonus: they start a relatively safe demonic cultivation sect, maybe with some guidance from the Nie (has NMJ never been killed by the Jin in this Au?), or more specifically, Huaisang. SL and XXC who got a happy ending decide to check out this no blood line sect (it looks slightly dubious, but surely can’t be to bad! Right?) A-Qing at least is enjoying her new friend -🟪🦋

Should Have Been Listening - ao3

“Let go of me.”

“I won’t,” Mo Xuanyu said, clutching Xue Yang’s arm. “I won’t, I won’t! You’re my only friend here!”

Xue Yang looked down at him in what he thought was mostly exasperation, but might have also been a little fondness – after all, if it’d been anyone else who’d grabbed him, he’d have stabbed them.

He still didn’t know why he didn’t stab Mo Xuanyu, too, but in all honesty, he wasn’t that interested in exploring it. He did what he wanted, and right now, he didn’t want to murder Mo Xuanyu.

Irritating as he sometimes was.

“Little brat,” he said. “I have important business to go do.”

“It’s not something that he ordered, though!”

“So what?” Xue Yang bristled. “I don’t just do what hetells me!”

“But that means he won’t cover for you, and that means you’ll get in trouble!” Mo Xuanyu argued. “How can I let you go all alone to get in trouble? You have to take me with you! What will you do without me? Who’ll keep you entertained and sneak sweets for you if not for me?”

Xue Yang’s lips twitched. Okay, maybe there was a reason he kept the brat around.

“You don’t understand,” he said. “This is something I’ve got to do – something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. I’m going to kill a lot of people and get into a lot of trouble, more trouble than ever before. I’ll probably lose my life. How can I possibly take you with me?”

Mo Xuanyu scowled up at him. It was a very weak scowl – barely more than a pout. “You think that’s going to make me not want to come with you?”

Xue Yang’s eyebrows went up. “You cry at the sight of blood!”

“I cry at a lot of things!”

Xue Yang wasn’t sure how to respond to that. It was true, Mo Xuanyu cried at a lot of things.

“Maybe if I come with you, it won’t be so bad!”

Yeeeeah, Xue Yang wasn’t going to count on that.

“Or maybe you don’t have to go…?”

“I have to go,” he explained. “If I don’t go, I can’t get revenge, and I have to have revenge.”

Mo Xuanyu blinked up at him.

“I don’t really understand, but okay,” he said, and tugged on his arm. “Let’s go together, then. I promise I won’t cry!”

-

He cried.

He cried a lot.

-

“Stop fucking crying.”

-

“Just – ugh. Listen. You’re ruining the mood.”

-

“If you can’t stop crying, go away. Now. Or I’ll stab you!”

-

“Okay, see, look, I just killed the leaders, see? Just the old men. Everyone else is just locked in their rooms. Once the sect leader comes back, I’ll kill him too, and that’ll be all. Okay? Everyone else lives. I promise. Now stop crying, okay?”

-

“I don’t want to know,” Jin Guangyao said when they got back. “I don’t want to know at all.”

“Good,” Xue Yang grumbled. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Enough people heard about the reason for what you did that opinions are mixed as to whether your actions were the Chang clan’s just rewards for their former misdeeds or if they were actually wrong,” Jin Guangyao said. He looked irritated. “But you still killed high-ranking members of a sect, and you left enough alive that they’re demanding your head on a platter. You’re going to need to run away.”

Mo Xuanyu hesitantly gestured as if he wished to speak.

“Yes, you can go with him. Now that my father is dead, no one cares where you are.”

Mo Xuanyu beamed.

“You’re just going to let us go?” Xue Yang asked suspiciously. “That seems unlike you. What’s in it for you?”

“Oh, I’m not just going to let you go. I’m going to give you money, too,” Jin Guangyao said. “And all you need to do for me is one little tiny favor –”

Pity that that was when Xue Yang stopped listening, too busy staring at Mo Xuanyu’s delighted face and counting all the way he was in for it now.

-

“I’ve always wanted to take care of a baby,” Mo Xuanyu said happily.

“Good for you,” Xue Yang said darkly as he stalked through the streets.

He would rather that Jin Guangyao had needed a body buried and a death covered up or something – and judging by the baby’s perturbed expression, it probably agreed with him. Fuck, maybe Jin Guangyao had meant for them to murder the baby once they got it far enough out of the way. It was just as plausible as Mo Xuanyu's assumption that they were supposed to take care of it.

Damnit, maybe he should have been listening.

“Listen, neither of us are equipped to handle a baby. Go find a woman to help us – someone poor and helpless who doesn’t have any other choice.”

“Okay!”

-

Xue Yang shut his eyes. “What exactly,” he said slowly, “did you think I asked you to get us a woman for, exactly?”

“To…watch the baby?” Mo Xuanyu guessed. “When we’re busy or sleeping? Anyway, what’s wrong with A-Qing, anyway? She’s nice!”

“I’m not nice,” A-Qing said. The damn brat was smirking – and for once it wasn’t his damn brat, but some blind brat with a cocky expression. “I stole your wallet and you burst into tears and it was really embarrassing.”

“He does that,” Xue Yang said wearily. At least he’d noticed the theft this time – all of his lessons in ‘how not to be a sucker and get constantly taken advantage of’ were maybe having something of an impact. Maybe. “For some reason I’m apparently into it.”

He couldn’t explain it any other way.

“…loser.”

“I will stab you,” Xue Yang threatened. “I don’t care if you’re blind.”

“Won’t someone tell me why A-Qing isn’t a perfectly good babysitter?” Mo Xuanyu demanded. He was holding the baby in his arms again – the baby liked him more than it did Xue Yang, which meant that between Mo Xuanyu and the baby, the baby had better self-preservation instincts – and he was trying his best stern scowl which was of course barely more than a pout and a so-called ‘fierce’ expression that made Xue Yang want to laugh.

Not even Mo Xuanyu’s horrific make-up skills could make thatface intimidating. Or maybe it was just that the person behind the face was just so completely unthreatening that there was no help for it?

“Well? Tell me!”

Xue Yan opened his mouth, then shrugged and shut it again.

A-Qing patted Mo Xuanyu on the shoulder. “I’m too young. No milk.”

“…milk?”

“You know. The thing babies eat?”

“…milk,” Mo Xuanyu repeated, only now he looked absolutely heartbroken at having failed the mission that Xue Yang had assigned him almost entirely just to get him out of the way while Xue Yang collected some spare cash and threatened their way onto a ride out of this piece of shit town.

“It’s fine,” Xue Yang said hastily. “We’ll just get a goat or something, I don’t know.”

“Okay, I actually only came here to laugh at you,” A-Qing said. “But now I’m legitimately worried about this baby. Don’t you two know anything? How’d you even get a baby, anyway?”

-

“Stop laughing. It’s not that funny.”

-

“Seriously. Stop laughing, or I stab you.”

“Don’t worry, A-Qing,” Mo Xuanyu said. “He doesn’t mean it! Threats are just how he expresses affection!”

“It most certainly is not.”

“That is absolutely amazing,” A-Qing said, wiping her eyes. “Best thing I’ve ever heard., if by best I mean worse-but-hilarious. I mean. If that’s what he considers affection, what must his flirting be like?”

“No one is flirting with anyone!”

-

“Are you going to leave at some point?”

“Obviously not,” A-Qing said. She’d caught the same ride as them, using Xue Yang’s cash no less – Mo Xuanyu had insisted that it was the least they could do after the whole milk misunderstanding, which was stupid, she ought to be paying them for wasting their time. Xue Yang couldn’t wait to get rid of her, although he had to admit that she’d been pretty useful in terms of putting on the ‘poor sad blind girl and her two brothers all alone in the world’ act to get them a room at the inn at prices even Xue Yang felt comfortable paying. “Are you joking? This is so much funnier than walking by myself. Anyway, I enjoy watching people crash and burn.”

“Aren’t you too young to be such a bitch?” Xue Yang hissed. “And, I don’t know, blind?”

“You know what I mean.”

“I don’t care what you –”

The sound of crying came from the other room.

It was quickly followed by a second set of crying.

Xue Yang felt the onset of a headache.

“…truce?” A-Qing suggested sweetly, as if she knew exactly how much it pissed him off and thought it was the funniest thing ever, which was…probably accurate, actually. “I’ll get the baby to stop crying if you do the same with Mo Xuanyu.”

Yeah, that was definitely a headache. The sort of headache called why do I like that brat.

Mo Xuanyu owed him so much candy for putting up with this shit.

“Fine,” Xue Yang said begrudgingly. “Truce. Temporarily. And then you leave!”

-

“So we live here now, huh?” A-Qing said, looking around the house they’d claimed. “That’s neat.”

“Why do you live with us again?” Xue Yang asked her, though by now he barely even meant it. A-Qing was clearly another one in the same mold as Mo Xuanyu: you just couldn’t say no to her…or, rather, you could, at length and top volume and with threats, only it just didn’t stick. “I definitely did not recall asking you to stay.”

Though it was nice to have someone else around that wasn’t going to get immediately ripped off by literally anyone who came their way. Mo Xuanyu’d started getting conned by the literal infant that they were taking care of – he was completely hopeless.

Also, questionably blind or not, at least A-Qing had no hesitation about beating people with her stick if they struck her the wrong way, which was a life approach Xue Yang agreed with wholeheartedly.

“She’s going to learn to cultivate!” Mo Xuanyu chirped from where he was applying his make-up. “Demonic cultivation, too! We had a whole discussion about it while you were out getting groceries!”

That made a certain amount of sense, Xue Yang supposed. You didn’t need talent to be a demonic cultivator – technically speaking, given his bloodline, Mo Xuanyu was more naturally gifted in cultivation than Xue Yang, which was just wrong on all sorts of levels – and it was certainly more effective a defense mechanism than A-Qing’s stick. If there were two of them, they could protect Mo Xuanyu and the baby more effectively, taking shifts when needed, and Mo Xuanyu, who was also going to learn demonic cultivation no matter how many times Xue Yang had to hammer it into his head, could be the last line of defense, largely since no one would ever expect him to be able to do…anything…and they’d be right, too.

So it wasn’t the craziest idea in the world, only…

“…who is she going to be learning from, exactly!?”

-

“Have you ever considered charging for your skill in teaching cultivation lessons instead of your skill in stabbing people?” A-Qing asked one day. They were lying on the ground and having the corpses they’d raised fan them to try to reduce the temperature – it was that sort of day. Also, Mo Xuanyu, who might’ve objected, wasn’t around. “You’re not actually that bad at this. Might be more profitable, and less work. Just a thought.”

“Shut up. I’m great at stabbing people.”

“Yeah, but then after a while we have to move because people get annoyed at that, and it’s getting a little annoying to have to pack up all the time.”

“We’d have to move anyway. We’re wanted criminals, remember?”

“We could be wanted criminals with a house. Besides, wouldn’t you like to be called Teacher Xue?”

“What? No. Gross.”

-

“So you see, it turns out that they were teaching demonic cultivation in a safe and organized fashion,” Xiao Xingchen explained enthusiastically. “They’d even gathered up their own little sect! And of course everyone heard what the Chang clan did, so there’s no need to worry about them going around and murdering people at random – it was a targeted revenge scheme.”

“We’re working on teaching them regular cultivation,” Song Lan agreed, nodding. “To help mitigate the negative effects of demonic cultivation…well, we started out by just teaching them.”

“It turned out that they’d been secretly teaching all of the local delinquents, too, or at least Mo-gongzi had been teaching a few and Mistress Qing was teaching a few others, and even Sect Leader Xue had a few disciples,” Xiao Xingchen said, politely omitting or possibly having not noticed the fact that Mo Xuanyu had been teaching his ‘friends’ (read: scammers trying to take advantage of him), while A-Qing and Xue Yang had each been trying to form competing gangs and/or obtain lackeys. Xue Yang didn’t mind the oversight, largely on account of the fact that A-Qing had been winning, damn her – he’d kept getting distracted by inventing new things. “And a few of them had real talent – and you know that Zichen and I have always wanted to start a sect of our own, with no bloodline ties –”

“We’re joining their sect,” Song Lan said. “We’ll be leading the orthodox side, while they lead the demonic cultivation aspect – safely, of course.”

“I guess it’s better than them being crazy,” Jiang Cheng said. He sounded dubious. “I don’t like it, but at least all the demonic cultivators can be in one spot, you know?”

He made it sound like they’d be dropping off new ones there in the future.

Like they’d opened up some sort of pet rescue and were taking in unwanted puppies or something.

“Agreed,” Nie Mingjue said. “To the extent that they aren’t causing active harm, containment seems an appropriate remedy here. Who seconds the motion?”

“I do,” Lan Xichen said, and smiled at the newly agreed-upon sect. “Welcome back to the cultivation world, Sect Leader Xue.”

-

“I don’t want to know,” Jin Guangyao said, glaring.

“Don’t worry,” Xue Yang told him. “This comes as much of a shock to me as to you.”

The glare intensified, but that was fine. Jin Guangyao’s facial expressions, however minor and generally overlooked, had been the only thing getting him through that awful, awful meeting just now where people kept trying to salute him and make him salute back and if he didn’t then he was letting down Mo Xuanyu (who would send him a sad look) and A-Qing (who would hear about it from Mo Xuanyu later and then find a way to step on his foot right when he was concentrating on something).

Not to mention their two new resident lovebirds, who looked so righteous and proper from the outside but who also may or may not have accidentally full-on actually resurrected some dead asshole cultivator more or less the first time they’d joined Xue Yang in his demonic cultivation laboratory – which would have been fine, you know, that happened in demonic cultivation though not normally to quite such a wow-is-he-actually-alive extent, except that the guy’s intermittent moments of clarity suggested that his two new sect members might have just brought back the Yiling Patriarch himself, which was going to make all of them wanted criminal again the second anyone found out about it.

Ugh.

Being called sect leader was completely not worth this shit.

Xue Yang comforted himself with the reminder that later today he was planning on publicly introducing Jin Guangyao to the Xue sect’s head junior disciple “Xue Song” and announcing loudly that the brat needed some lessons in manners, that he’d heard that that was Lianfeng-zun’s specialty, and nominating him to take care of the kid while they were visiting.

See how the fucker liked that.

“I always knew Xue-gege could do great things!” Mo Xuanyu said, clapping his hands as A-Qing rolled her (by now, Xue Yang was almost definitely sure not actually blind) eyes behind his back. “As long as I went with him!”

[strawberrymilkgeorge]

Part Six. Movies and Speedruns

warnings: swearing, many memes word count: 3.8k (not including pictures) (wow okay ash pop off!) 

behind the screen (irl!dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

A/N: LETS ALL JUST AGREE TO NOT LOOK AT THE DATES ON TWEETS AND STUFF BC SOME CHAPTERS ARE SO SCUFFED WITH DATES!!!! JUST KNOW THIS STORY STARTS MID NOVEMBER!!!!!!!! (in a world where covid doesn’t exist btw)

**********

.

**********

Unknowingly and unintentionally, Y/n let out a big sigh as she poured a glass of water.

"What's wrong, Y/n?" Naomi asked gently, coming up behind her and hugging her tightly.

"Peter."

Naomi hummed, a sign that she was waiting for Y/n to lead the conversation so she could follow because if it were up to Naomi, she would immediately start trash-talking Peter and she wasn't sure if that was the vibe right now or not.

Y/n shook her head in disbelief as she jumped up to sit on the counter. "He got so mad when he found out I slept over at Karl's."

"I'm sorry, Y/n. I wish you would just cut him off completely."

"I don't know. I know I should but... part of me wonders if he could ever go back to how he was when I met him. I would probably date that guy again but not who he turned out to be."

Naomi looked horrified. "No. You sound like you're considering hearing him out. No, is that a joke? He's a bad person."

"I'm not," Y/n reassured. "I'm just thinking hypothetically. Probably because I miss having someone..."

"Y/n, you have a ton of thirsty people in your mentions. If you really want someone that bad, just scroll through, land on one and I bet they're a million times better than that sack of burned potatoes."

Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled lightly. "Most of those are jokes."

"Not all of them," she teased.

"I know you're going to tell me anyway so just say it. Who specifically do you think isn't joking?"

"Dream," Naomi sang.

"Okay, crazy." Y/n reached over, staying seated on the counter as she grabbed a bowl from a cabinet on her left. She then leaned all the way right, reaching as far as she could, but couldn't quite grab a cereal box from the top of the refrigerator.

Naomi rolled her eyes as she helped, handing Y/n the box. She even went the extra step to get Y/n a spoon and the milk because she was that nice. "I'm not joking. Neither is he. Karl and I have talked about it and we both agree."

Y/n paused at her friend's words, her hand hovering over the milk that Naomi held out for her. "You guys gossip about my love life?"

Naomi set the milk next to Y/n, tired of holding it out for her. "Of course? Like we don't do that about Karl? Or you and him about me?"

She couldn't argue there.

"Karl says there's a different vibe from Dream when you join calls and I believe it. I mean, I've seen it during streams myself so I can only imagine how much more obviously in love with you he is during private calls.

"That 'vibe' is Karl's delusional mind creating things. He's too scared to talk to cameragirl so he's projecting onto Dream and I."

"Yeah, okay," Naomi agreed sarcastically.

Y/n huffed. "Besides, he's in Florida. I'm in North Carolina, in case you weren't aware."

"So you're saying if you lived in the same state, you'd date him?"

"I didn't say that." She honestly had never thought of it. Sure she liked hanging out with Dream and her stomach got butterflies when he talked directly to her and he made her smile harder than anyone ever had and he—

And she didn't like him like that. She had only officially met the guy like a week and a half ago and she didn't know what he looked like. There was no way you could catch feelings for someone without seeing them.

Naomi's expression fell again. "Distance doesn't matter, anyway."

"I swear if you say something about George I will slap you," she threatened through a smile and Naomi gave her an innocent grin back.

"If you're lonely, get on Tinder, not Peter. Or get on Dream. I have no qualms with that."

"Peter isn't even an option, Naomi." Y/n sighed, ignoring the comment about Dream.  "Also," she swallowed the last of her cereal and set the bowl down with a clank. "I'm gonna tell Peter I don't want to be friends anymore. Dream and George can be added to the list of Peter haters."

"You talked to them about it?"

She nodded. "You know how I have little gossip sessions with George? Well, Dream was there too this time."

"Well, of course Dream would hate Peter. We've established that he likes you."

"No, no, you and Karl delusionally hypothesized that."

Naomi tapped the counter methodically, a sign Y/n knew to signal that she was thinking hard. "Somehow, one day, I'll prove he does."

"Good luck."

"Wanna watch a movie?"

"Yes," Y/n perked up. "Go pick something, I'll get blankets."

She went to her room, grabbing her favorite cuddling blankets. She started leaving her room when she heard a ding on her open desktop, signaling that she had a call incoming from Discord. Cool timing.

"I'll be just a second, Naomi!" she called across the house before dropping the blankets on her bed and sliding her headset on, answering the call from Dream. "Hi, Dream!" She sat on her chair and tucked her knees to her chest.

"Hi," he greeted sweetly. "How are you doing today?"

"Much better than when we last talked. How are you?"

"Great now that I'm talking to you," he said smoothly. Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled anyway. "Are you busy?"

"Unfortunately, yes. My roommate and I are about to watch a movie."

"Ooh, what movie?"

"Not sure yet. Any suggestions?"

"Dark Knight. Unless you wanted me to say, like, Tangled or something."

"Yeah, girls' night is exclusively princess movies. Do you know nothing?"

"Apparently," he said with a laugh.

"What's up?"

"Oh, well, I was just gonna see if you wanted to be on call later with me, George, and Sapnap while I stream speedruns, but you're hanging out with your roommate so nevermind."

"Oh," Y/n deflated. "That sounds fun."

"I can push it back if you want to be part of it. If not, that's fine. I just thought it would be cool."

"No, no, no I really do want to, but I don't want you to have to push it back. When were you planning on starting?"

"In about an hour."

"I'll just join later if you're still playing. If that's okay that I come late."

"No. You have to be on time or not at all," he joked. "Of course that's fine," he assured. "And if I'm not playing anymore, you can still join... we usually talk for forever after we play games and it's fun. I would, er, we would love for you to hang out with us."

Y/n couldn't help the large smile on her face from staying even after they hung up and she walked back into the living room with her pile of blankets. She couldn't help it even when Naomi pointed it out and asked why she was so happy.

"Oh, uh, I've been invited to join Dream and them later for a stream."

"That vague answer doesn't warrant the shit-eating grin you have."

Y/n shrugged and cuddled more into her blankets. "What movie did you pick?"

*****

As the end credits rolled across the screen, Y/n yawned and looked over to Naomi in the dark. She was out like a light. Y/n stood up and made sure Naomi was covered in the blanket and she had a pillow. She crept back to her room and slid her headphones on, pulling up Discord where she saw the three boys' names still in a voice call.

She pulled up Twitch on her second monitor and looked for Dream's stream. It was already about an hour in. She clicked on it and her headphones echoed with the sound of George and Sapnap laughing like they said the funniest thing in the world.

"Shut up," Dream muttered. "Guys, what were the coords for the portal? Seriously, come on."

"Nobody tell him," George joked.

"George!"

"Where's Bugsyyyy?" Sapnap whined. "I want her to make fun of you with us."

"Half the stuff we're making fun of him for is about his big fat crush on her so..."

"George!" Dream yelled again. "No, it's not!"

Y/n smiled as she heard that, knowing it was a joke but laughing at the way Dream laughed at the accusation. She knew it wasn't serious or else they wouldn't talk about it on stream. George and Sapnap teased a lot, but certainly, they wouldn't out someone's crush in front of a hundred thousand viewers live.

"Oh!" Sapnap spoke out loud as George laughed loudly, both reading the text at the same time. "Speaking of..."

Dream waited for either of the two boys to elaborate but neither of them offered one. "What happened?"

"Bugsy texted us," George said off-handedly, typing a response to her. "She's coming in a second."

"Oh."

"What do you mean 'oh'?" Sapnap laughed.

"You guys have a groupchat?"

"Aw, jealous?" George asked.

Y/n joined at that moment, the first sentence coming from her Discord instead of Twitch being from Sapnap saying, "Would it make you more jealous to know our group name is Bugsy's Boys?"

"No, Sapnap, that's the one with Karl," George corrected. "The one with just you, me, and her is Bugsy's Boyfriends."

"WhAT?"

"I still don't approve of that, by the way," Y/n commented.

"Bugsy!!" Sapnap giggled happily. "You're finally here!"

"BUGSY!" George cheered.

"Hi guys!" Y/n laughed at the enthusiasm she was greeted with. "Hi, Dream!"

There was a few seconds of silence before, "Dream!!" George yelled right before the death screen appeared on the Twitch tab still opened on Y/n's right screen. "You idiot, what are you doing?! Why did you throw that run??"

She covered her mouth with the hoodie collar and laughed. "Off to a great start, bud."

"NO!" Dream yelled, knocking something, or somethings, off his desk. "Noooo! I didn't throw it, George, I FELL! Oh, that was going to be such a good run."

"What happened? How did you miss that huge ravine?" George asked while laughing. "It was literally right in the open. You didn't even try to use your water bucket."

"I-I was... I was distracted."

"By what? The completely open field with nothing blocking your vision?" Sapnap criticized with a laugh as well.

Y/n giggled to herself before letting her eyes trail to his chat, which was filled with the same accusations and guesses.

user5: BUGSY!

user2: DISTRACTED BY BUGSYS VOICE

user4: imagine saying hi so cutely that you make a man fall into a ravine

user1: are they dumb? obviously bugsy saying hi made his brain short-circut

user6: guys stop it wasn't bc she said hi. it was the g i g g l e

user3: DISTRACTED BY BUGSY!!!!

user8: HI BUGSY

user10: how to kill a man: hire bugsy to giggle and say hi directly to him

Y/n immediately blushed and covered her face again. She really had a habit of hiding even when no one could see her.

"Oh my gosh," Dream groaned, leaving the world and starting a new one. "Oh. My. Gosh. That's so annoying. I was doing so good."

"Oh," Sapnap laughed. "I understand now."

"What? What did I miss?" George asked.

"Just read chat," Sapnap explained. "They have the answer. Dream, your chat is so smart. Thanks for solving the mystery, chat!"

"No, they aren't ri— that isn't true!" Dream defended. "Chat, shut up."

"You sure?" Y/n asked teasingly, watching as his character paused when she started talking. Was she really making him this flustered just by talking? Surely not. He was just playing into the joke. He continued playing without saying anything, which made George and Sapnap laugh more.

The subject eventually changed and the atmosphere quickly became more relaxed and chill. Tonight was not a feral night like George had texted in all caps.

"Hey George," Y/n started, biting on her hoodie string with a smile because she knew Naomi would hear this when she watched the VOD the next day. "My roommate says hello."

"Oh my gosh," he muttered, making her laugh. "Let it go."

"Wow, I guess that's one way to treat your fans..."

"Fine," he sighed. "Tell her I say hello."

"Well, not if you don't mean it," Y/n teased.

"Yeah, George, you sound so unenthusiastic?" Sapnap asked.

"He's just flustered," Dream commented. "It's okay George, you can have feelings."

"Dream, you fell into a ravine because Bugsy said hi."

"Oh, come on! That's not—I just— I missed the jump! That's it!"

"I'm not flustered or unenthusiastic, I'm just tired, okay?" George explained, ignoring Dream, a yawn spilling out of him to prove it.

Y/n smiled. "Well, you could always let me give her your number if you really want..."

"No. If she had Discord you could give her that but not my phone number."

"Wait, really?" Y/n gasped. "Seriously?"

George laughed lightly. "Yeah, sure, why not?"

"YES! Okay, a huge win for the girls. Well, a huge loss for the fangirls but a huge win for the girls of this apartment."

"Oh my gosh," he muttered and she could practically see him rubbing his face in embarrassment.

"I'll send you her hashtag when she makes one so you know who to add back."

"She's going to make an account just to talk to George?" Sapnap giggled.

"Yes, dude!" Y/n defended. "She at least wants to be his friend, let her shoot her shot!"

Dream ended the steam soon after, not being able to focus enough to beat the end on any of his runs. He had streamed for just under two hours so he seemed to be getting tired as well. George went to bed soon after and after 20 minutes of talking with Sapnap and Dream, Sapnap mysteriously disappeared.

Y/n was about to leave as well, not wanting Dream to feel obligated to stay on the call with her when he spoke up.

"Does Naomi actually like George?"

"Yeah, she does."

"Then I want him to accept her love."

Y/n laughed. "How is he with long-distance relationships?"

"Well, he and I do just fine..." Dream joked. "Oh, not what you meant. I don't know, you guys are the ones that talk about each other's love lives apparently."

"You're still bitter about that?"

"Yes!"

"Suck it up," she laughed. "Naomi would do probably anything to date him so I doubt distance is a problem for her."

"George's sleep schedule is completely messed up, so the time difference wouldn't matter too much. And when he comes to America they can meet in person."

"Wait, he's coming to America?" Y/n gasped happily. "When?"

"There's no set date, but yeah eventually. He'll probably just come to Florida but we've all talked about having a huge meetup with a lot of our friends."

"Oh... cool..."

"Bug? You know you'd be invited to that, right?"

"Oh, really?" she smiled.

"Of course. You're part of the group now."

"Sick," she muttered to herself, but he heard.

"Bug, you're one of my favorite people, do you know that?"

She blushed. "Really?"

"Really."

"You barely know me, Dream."

"Yeah, well, I know enough to know that I'm sorta attached to you."

"Attached to me? In what way?"

He suddenly sounded nervous as if his brain caught up with what his mouth was saying. "I don't know, nevermind."

"No, Dream, what do you mean?" her voice was soft and understanding and it made him feel safe.

"I just... I don't know. I care about you a lot. We met only, what, like a week or two ago, and I already worry about you a lot. Playing games doesn't feel the same anymore unless you're playing with us."

"To be fair, we have been tweeting at each other for much longer than a week or two."

"Yeah, that's true. But it's not the same as actually talking to you."

She smiled shyly. "I care about you a lot too, Clay." His name sounded strange as if it suddenly made everything much more serious. "Sorry, that just kinda slipped. I won't call you Clay if you don't want me to—"

"No, it's okay, it, uh, I like hearing you... say it. But, uh, you can call me whatever you want."

She smiled widely at the nervousness in his voice and the hard pounding of her heart. "I've heard from multiple people that you never stop talking about me."

He laughed timidly. "Maybe. Do you talk about me?"

"Ask Karl," she giggled. "My guess is yes." Her stomach felt tingly and her hands shook lightly. Why did she feel like this all of a sudden? It was late, she reasoned. That, or it was because Naomi had planted the seed of curiosity in her mind. Did Dream like her? No... right?

"I'm sorry if my chat was making you uncomfortable at the beginning when I died..."

"Don't worry, I wasn't uncomfortable."

"It was true, by the way," he paused, "what they were saying. Just... in case you were wondering."

Y/n couldn't wipe the smile off her face, which was growing painful at this point. "What, my voice makes your brain short-circut? That was one comment I saw."

Dream laughed. "More like your entire presence, but... yeah I guess so."

How is someone supposed to respond to something like that? The sweetness in his voice almost made her sick but in a good way.

And just like when he named her Minecraft flower something sweet knowing that no one would see it, why was he still playing up the joke when no one was around?

Not knowing what to say, she decided to let him in on a little secret. "If it matters, you're one of my favorite people too."

"It does."

There was a deathly moment of tense silence as if both of them were screaming to say something but neither did.

"Basically, if we do have a meet-up, I'll sue you if you don't come."

Y/n laughed. "My pockets are empty, sir, so... good luck."

He laughed and it was music to her ears.

"Are you not nervous to show everyone your face? Like, if or when we do all get together."

"Not really. Especially not if it's just to our friends. Are you?"

"Yeah," she admitted.

"Why?"

She sighed. "I'm sure people have me painted in a specific way in their heads and I've seen fanart of me that is way different and way more attractive than I am. I just don't want to let anyone down by not living up to their expectations."

"Bug," Dream said softly, "you couldn't let anyone down."

"You don't know that."

"You can't disappoint real friends or real fans with the way you look."

"To be clear, Dream," she laughed nervously, afraid she would sound conceited, "I don't think I'm ugly. I like the way I look. I'm happy with me. But that doesn't mean I can't still let people down."

"Different than expected doesn't mean disappointing."

His words smacked her in the gut. He was right. Reality and imagination are very different. Neither has to be better or worse than the other. She could look the complete opposite of how someone expects but that doesn't mean they will be either disappointed OR pleased. And why does it matter anyway? If she likes how she looks, who cares what other people think?

"It's also scary to think of getting recognized in public," she admitted. "Being recognized from the start is one thing because it starts off slowly with only a few people knowing your face but if the first time people see your face is when you have millions of fans, the recognition would be overwhelming."

"That's true. I don't think I would mind that much, though."

"Of course not, you're you."

"What does that mean?"

"You like the spotlight."

"I guess. Not all the time."

"Well, what about you?" she asked. "Are you afraid of people knowing what you look like?"

"No. I want to do a face reveal soon but I don't know how I would do it. I want to do it at some kind of event or something but I don't know."

"I need to schedule around when you do it because you'll break the internet. Give us content creators a warning so we can prepare to not get viewers for a week."

Dream laughed. "Oh come on."

"Twitter would just be full of the same picture of you in every single tweet."

"It won't be that big of a deal."

"Something tells me your millions and millions of subs say otherwise."

"Whatever," he said. "As if you wouldn't break the internet too."

"Maybe for a day or two. But you'd break everything for weeks."

"Sure." There was a long pause before Dream softly said, "Karl's lucky."

"How so?"

He didn't speak for a moment, almost like he wasn't prepared for that question because he didn't mean to be heard. "I wish I could know you the way he does."

"You could. He and I knew each other in person first so it's different. You and I could get there eventually."

"You think so?"

"I know so. I trust you a scary amount for someone I met weeks ago."

"I didn't mean to sound like I'm trying to pressure you into showing me your face or telling me your name. I didn't mean like he gets to know what you look like and I don't. I meant, like, I wish we could hang out in person because I prefer that over talking in Discord."

"I get it, Clay. I feel the same way," Y/n said softly. There were a few moments of silence before she spoke again.

"Oh, gosh, it's already four."

Y/n's head snapped to look at her clock, which read 3:57am. "Already?" she whispered. "Dang."

As if acknowledging the time changed the atmosphere, it suddenly felt like 4am. Her back ached from her shifting in her chair so much over the last few hours, never being able to find a good position. The house was eerily quiet and all she heard was the low hum of the heater. The house felt stale, not used to its occupants being so alert and awake at that hour.

"I should probably go to bed..."

"Yeah, me too," Dream agreed. His voice sounded tired. "Thanks for joining us, it was really fun with you."

"Thanks for inviting me. Sorry I made you die. Hopefully you'll still let me back again."

"You're always invited to barge into my streams. Actually."

Y/n giggled again and mentally slapped herself for sounding like a little kid. "Well, you too. You can interrupt my streams anytime."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Goodnight, Clay."

"Goodnight, Bug."

**********

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[ddarker-dreams]

Division. Yan Scaramouche x Reader [Implied x Yan Childe]

Warnings: Kidnapping, unwanted physical contact and implied suggestive themes. Word count: 1.3k.

While your body might be sore, it’s your arms that feel the worst.

They’re hoisted above your head with a rope secured tight around your wrists, longing for an opportunity to rest. You’ve been standing in this awkward position for many miserable hours. No windows in this dreary cobblestone prison make it difficult to tell the time or to find anything interesting to look at. There’s still no clear indication as to why you’ve ended up in this nightmare, much less when it will end. The person you’re assuming to be in charge has been subjecting you to malicious verbal jabs for the entire duration of your confinement.

“Truth be told,” he circles you like a hawk, his tone deceitfully sweet as honey, stopping only to admire your immobilized form. “I wasn’t sure what the appeal to you was at first.” 

Scaramouche leans forward, soft strands of indigo hair brushing against your face as he closes the distance. He runs a finger over your exposed collarbone, mirth dancing in his eyes at the goosebumps following in its wake. “But now… I think I’m starting to get it.” 

Mustering up your strength and courage, you narrow your eyes, glaring daggers at your captor. He’s thrilled at the sight, unable to hold back his laughter. The finger tails up, to the crux of your neck, which he then wraps his hand around. Your pulse accelerates at the unwelcome sensation, an element he doesn’t miss.

“You’re… you’re Fatui, right?” You inquire, refusing to take this torment in silence. Curious, he nods his head, the pad of his thumb rubbing up and down your neck slowly. 

“If this is about the Northland bank loan, then you’re making a mistake. I’ve already cleared things up with your boss.” As soon as the words fell from your lips, you regret them. Scaramouche’s mischievous attitude dissipates, his eyes piercing through you and a scowl on his face. The tension in the room rises to new heights, thick and palpable. 

“‘My boss’, you say,” he repeats with an irate click of his tongue as if it were the highest insult. “Tartaglia is no such thing, I can assure you.” 

What can this be about then? Your final line of defense is crumbling, now aware that using Childe’s favor on you won’t be viable. It felt reprehensible to use it in the first place, but lowering yourself to such a level would’ve been inconsequential if it earned your freedom. Instead, it’s done the opposite, adding kindling to the flame. Never have you regretted anything in your life as much as your involvement with the Fatui bank. 

Scaramouche removes his hands from you, a minor victory. What you said must’ve struck a nerve. Swallowing thickly, your mind searches desperately for any plausible escape. While you deliberate a plan, he crosses his arms against his chest, mouth set in a straight line.

“Tell me. Do you enjoy his company?” Scaramouche asks with a tilt of his head.

Licking your dry lips, you consider the question. Denial is the obvious answer, but speaking ill of a Harbinger feels like a death wish. Though he did seem rather displeased by mentioning Childe. Just when you thought you were beginning to understand the situation, that self-assuredness has been stolen, leaving more questions in its wake.

Testing your luck, you reveal the truth with a strained rebuttal. “No, I don’t.” 

More laughter. He doubles over, clutching his stomach as if your serious confession is the funniest joke he’s heard his entire life. This unabashed cruelty is a far cry from Childe’s code of conduct. Childe prefers to openly flirt with you, acting coquettish, whispering dirty promises into your ear. Scaramouche’s methodology is entirely different. He revels in your discomfort, actively saying anything to gain a reaction, positive or negative. With a preference for the latter.

“Ah, what a shame he didn’t get to hear you say that,” Scaramouche wipes the corners of his dark eyes, laughter finally settling down. “I’d give anything to see what his reaction would’ve been.”

“Are you two… enemies, or something…?” 

“He certainly thinks so now. I’m interested to see what Tartaglia plans to do, due to the fact Harbingers are forbidden to fight one another,” he hums, wrapping his fingers around a strand of your hair and playing with it. “Just how far would he go? I’m not sure myself, but I can’t wait to see.” 

The word Harbingers rings in your head like a funeral toll. Does that mean Scaramouche is one as well? It would explain his lack of concern for Childe’s combat prowess if he has similar capabilities. When he first approached you, there was no doubting the power he possessed, even with a smaller stature. Why is it these terrible individuals are drawn to you like a moth to a flame? Why are the Archons subjecting you to such torment?

“Another question. Just how far has Tartaglia gone with--” 

“My lord!” A booming voice interrupts, capturing the attention of you both. A person dressed in what you’ve come to recognize as Fatui’s uniform appears, bowing before a less than pleased Scaramouche. 

“Lord Childe is demanding to speak with you,” The agent relays. “I know you said not to interrupt, but, this seems rather urgent.” 

Scaramouche sighs, releasing your hair with a frown. “That was faster than I anticipated.” 

So he was expecting this from the start. Is it relief that you feel? Your emotions are a mess, due to a lack of eating and bodily fatigue. While Childe is unpleasant company, Scaramouche is equally awful, even going so far as to restrain you. You curse yourself for almost preferring being subjected to Childe’s self-serving antics over this. At least Childe gives an illusion of freedom, even if you know it’s only that, an unobtainable reality. When he doesn’t make any movement to leave, the agent speaks up again. “My lord? What should I do?” 

“Did you tell him to leave?” “As you commanded to, yes. I’m afraid he... insisted.” 

“Of course the lovesick puppy did,” Scaramouche shakes his head. “No matter. I’ll deal with this myself. Head back and tell him to await my arrival.” 

The term ‘lovesick puppy’ brings questions anew, as you’re solid in the belief what Childe feels for you isn’t love. Voicing this sentiment won’t get you anywhere, so you resolve to hold your tongue, silently steaming in your indignation. 

The agent’s body stiffens and they clear their throat. “T-that’s the other issue, my lord. I’m afraid he’s… coming as we speak.” 

Scaramouche doesn’t seem visibly bothered by the revelation, treating it as a mild thorn in his side than an urgent dilemma. You’re left speechless by the unfolding events, looking past the kneeling agent expectantly. Would you finally be able to leave this awful prison? You’d be going into the hands of one madman to the other’s, but the option is sounding oddly appealing at the moment. 

Scaramouche returns his attention to you, appearing pleased with himself. “Be sure to tell him what you said to me earlier.” 

Shifting uncomfortably where you stand, you look to the side, preferring not to be subject to his scrutinizing gaze. Objecting to Childe has never ended well for you. Then there’s the problem of Scaramouche -- how would he react to blatant disobedience -- is it possible his response would be worse for you? While you consider these things, Scaramouche starts to work on loosening your bonds. 

He presses his lips against your ear and the ropes hit the ground.

“Or I might just say it myself. Your choice.” 

[renchinworld]

NCT DREAM AS TYPES OF GROOMS ♡

before, during and after the wedding

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, NCT DREAM! ♡

- gender neutral

- on crack, what’d u expect from this account lmao XD

- the picture qualities are Jurassic negative HD 0.4K but they still look good because dem visuals infinity/10

DISCLAIMER: Considering that not everyone has the same religion and wedding traditions, just imagine that this is for y’all own culture & religion’s weddings. Also, these men will be down to marry you a thousand times in one lifetime so.... conducting a ceremony again is no problem (that equates to more honeymoons and we love honeymoons).

♡ MARK

The “I do this for my squad, I do this for my gang” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: The type to inform family and friends a year before the actual wedding (he says it's an adult thing). You and Mark will have everything ready as early as possible so y'all can just chill as the date draws near. Will also be loud about it but not in an intentional way, he’s just neomu excited.

⊰⊹ DURING: Dude will throw finger guns to the guests *ehem* Johnny & Yuta *ehem* while he’s literally right next to the priest. He will also shed a few tears and laugh at himself for crying as he sees you walking down the aisle. Will never forget to thank God for blessing him with you ♡

⊰⊹ AFTER: Mark will dance with you in different genres (except there’s no twerking and grinding because you gotta leave space for Jesus). After the big reception, there will be a smaller reception at home with just you, him and yall parents before the actual honeymoon. He will do everything you like once you two are alone tho ;)

♡ RENJUN

The “You’ll remember this as the wedding of the century” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Renjun's the type to write the most touching and heartfelt vow that will make you both cry and then add some savage twist at the end which will make everyone laugh (flashback to Haechan's birthday vlive). He will also make sure that everything--from the theme to the background music--is aesthetic af.

⊰⊹ DURING: Mans will 100% cry as he pictures you and him spending your entire lives together once he sees you walk down that aisle. Also, he is genuinely crying happy tears but will wipe them dramatically while he’s being filmed by your wedding videographer for ✧ remembrance and effect ✧

⊰⊹ AFTER: “Renjun, why is the temptation of wife OST playing in the background?”

He will sing close to your ear and give you a peck on the lips once in a while while everyone's busy partying. You two will greet the guests for a short while and then escape in a private plane to an island getaway for your honeymoon… it will take off in front of everyone because... ✧ art ✧ Also, get ready for the most romantic love making in Maldives ;)

♡ JENO

The “You thought it’d be no jam but it was actually the best wedding” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Lets you take charge of planning, but when he suggests his ideas it’s so top notch that you’ll be all “why aren’t you saying more?” and it’s because he believes that the wedding is not as important as the person he is marrying (opposite to Jaemin: Jeno thinks you’ll be happier if he just lets you do whatever you want--as an act of letting you have freedom in your creativity). He’ll be super helpful if you need it tho so no worries.

⊰⊹ DURING: Will accidentally open your veil before the person in charge says “you may now kiss the bride/groom.” He doesn’t care about the cameras, all he sees is you, you and you. Jeno won't cry in the actual event but he will be teary eyed af for sure (he's saving the tears for when you guys are alone).

⊰⊹ AFTER: He will take all his chances to carry you and hold you in his arms all night long. Jeno’s signature eye smile will be plastered on his face all night. That innocent face also prepared a bed of roses and other surprises in your room ready for the honeymoon ;)

♡ HAECHAN

The “We’re not going home until someone blacks out” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Haechan will pull a prank on you before the wedding so that you’ll coming running to him and he’ll see you (he can’t take the “you can’t see each other the night before the wedding” tradition because he misses you already). He will even make the vow writing a group activity lmao: “Whatchu writing?” “Haechan, stop looking! This is supposed to be a surprise.”

⊰⊹ DURING: He will tell everyone “I’m not gonna cry, that’s sus” but will definitely cry while laughing and get laughed at by family and friends lightheartedly. Haechan will say the funniest vows out of everyone but will also make you emotional because he can switch from being humorous to serious in 0.00001 second.

⊰⊹ AFTER: Reception is real party vibes; it’s not over until it’s game over. He might get bored eventually so you too will sneak out laughing in your wedding attires and just chill around the hotel’s swimming pools. He might also push you into a pool so he can save you and bathe you afterwards ;)

♡ JAEMIN

The “I’ve been dreaming of this my whole life” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: He’ll make the wedding planner question their entire existence (opposite to Jeno: Jaemin thinks you’ll be happier if he plans the wedding for you--as an act of service). He’ll be super open to your suggestions though and will immediately change up anything you don’t agree with so no worries.

⊰⊹ DURING: Jaemin will also give one of the funniest vows but it's because he's unintentionally funny in his speech delivery. He will say the sweetest and uplifting words, refraining from being too emotional because he doesn't want to see you cry... but you still do. Dude might do mild aegyo in front of everyone just to see you smile again (you know the finger on pouty lips one that he does with Renjun? Yep, that one).

⊰⊹ AFTER: He will drag you somewhere when everyone’s busy partying just so he can give you a kissth. He’s down to party with your family and friends but only if you’re always by his side. And he definitely won't care if the party's over or not--once he sees that you’re tired or want to be alone with him, he'll announce to everyone that you guys are gonna bounce… and bounce you shall ;)

♡ CHENLE

The “We can afford a Kardashian wedding but I’d rather keep it simple” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Boi WILL 100% invite his bestie Stephen Curry. There will be three weddings: one for the grand wedding (at an arena for all of Shanghai to see--he doesn’t like this one but gotta keep those investors in check, you know?). Another for a small circle wedding (just family and friends). The last will be the “just the two of us casually exchanging chips and diamond rings while playing pubg” wedding

⊰⊹ DURING: Daddy Chenle will never forget to mention his son Mark in his vows and speeches. His whole clan will shower you with gifts and affection so much that he doesn’t know if he should be happy or annoyed because they’re not giving you two enough time to spend YOUR wedding together. He’s staying put though because hakuna matata #the scorpio side jumped out

⊰⊹ AFTER: No one else is allowed to touch you except for him. He will carry you bridal style away from the building and to his car so he can have you all to himself. He’ll definitely cry happy tears when it's just the two of you.

♡ JISUNG

The “We really should’ve married in secret instead” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Will let you take control of the event but will pitch in his creative ideas here and there. Jisung insists that you have a small wedding but the number of NCT members is far from small lol. There's also a high chance of a beach wedding because he loves the open area (gives him more space to breathe plus he’ll see Haechan and Renjun trying to drown each other in the distance and that’s free entertainment).

⊰⊹ DURING: Dude will 100% get clowned by the NCT members while saying his vows (honorable mention: dreamies). He might rap some of his words out of nervousness (which everyone finds cute because it is). He will be all shy and awkward at first and then surprise everyone by his sudden bold moves (e.g. dip you as he kisses you, say the sweetest things). He will also cry happy tears as he sees you walk down that aisle.

⊰⊹ AFTER: He's truly grateful for all the support and love of everyone who attended but as an introvert and an Aquarius Plus Pro Max, he’ll be wishing on the inside that everyone just goes home already so you two can have fun alone. Mans will still get clowned by the members even during the reception but he doesn’t mind because he’s clowning them back now. His hand will be glued to your waist all night and he will sneak in a few kisses here and there.

♡ OT7:

- Everyone will get clowned by the other members regardless of the event so a wedding isn’t an exception. So either you protect your husband or join in on the light teasing... or both. 

- You may also get clowned. It’s NCT we’re talking about.

- This is a work of fiction. Except the clownery & RenHyuck drowning each other in Jisung’s wedding. That’s true to life.

Happy Anniversary to our Dreamies >u< we love you guys sm!

[unhealthyfanobsession]

Do you think you’ll continue with the lawyer Nessian fic. It was so amazingly written I’d love to read more! I love all your writing anyways I’ll be happy with anything❤️

Ok not *technically* a Drabble request BUT I’m not ready to commit to a full lawyer AU that happens in order however I did just drum up a part 2 that we’ll say is several years before the previous lawyer AU. Nessian teasing in a bar and Rhys being a dumbass.

FYI the lawyer Drabble I’m talking about can be found HERE.

“I’m in love,” Rhys slurred. Cassian, a decent bit bigger than his brother and two drinks behind him, had a gentle buzz so he could only surmise that his brother was well passed sober.

“Congratulations,” Cassian grinned, clapping his hand on Rhys’ shoulder. “May I lay eyes upon the future Mrs. Dumbass.”

Rhys stared at him flatly. Blew a laugh out of his nose. “She’s not marrying you, brother.”

Cassian snorted, casting his eyes around the elegantly decorated little lounge they’d stepped into for the night. Lounge, not bar. Because they were mature adults now looking to take the edge off after a long day of work, not college students looking to get fucked up.

It was different.

It was different because the cocktails cost $20 and were served in actual stemware instead of red solo cups. They were evolving. Growing. Cassian was a lawyer now and Rhys was supposed to be doing actual work for his dad’s company so… no more dive bars.

Now they frequented little lounges where accountants and lawyers and bankers sat in tailored suits and discussed… adult things.

It was all very civilized.

And yet here was his brother. Every bit the horny college student they were trying not to be. Oh well, old dogs and all that.

“End of the bar.” Rhys jerked his head to the left and Cassian grinned.

“Might be a little old for you, champ.”

Rhys wrinkled his brow and turned to look at the grandmother doing a crossword puzzle on the far left side of the bar. A martini glass in front of her. Good for grandma.

“Other end of the bar!”

Cassian smirked. He didn’t need to turn his head, since he’s noticed her the second she walked in, but he still did. Just so he could look some more.

“Ah, you mean the deliciously dishevelled leggy brunette with her suit jacket on the chair beside her who just ripped the pins out of her hair like they personally offended her and then laid them in a neat little pile beside her Kobo?

“Mmm,” Rhys grinned, “I’d like her to rip those fingers through my hair.”

Cassian rolled his eyes. “Go for it, brother.”

Rhys grinned wider. “I think I will.” He straightened up, ran a hair through his artfully mussed hair, and pulled on the lapels of his Gucci suit jacket until they were even again.

Cassian snickered into his Old Fashioned. Rhys could straighten his jacket all he wanted. He could pretend he wasn’t drunk all he wanted. It wouldn’t matter one bit.

Not with Nesta Archeron.

Nesta Archeron who hated men that stunk of trust funds and privilege more than anything else in this world.

This would be fun to watch.

Watch her try to ignore him at first. Eyes glued to the page of her book, hand reaching up to wave through the air like Rhys was an annoying fly she could swat away.

Rhys, to his credit, was a clever little bastard. He asked the bartender for a refill of her drink and set it down in front of her then sat himself one stool down from her.

He didn’t move her jacket to sit next to her, which would have had her going feral. He just sat there, waiting.

After a few moments Nesta let out an exacerbated sigh that Cassian could hear from across the room. There was his girl.

Well, not his girl. Not even a little bit his girl, but… someday.

Cassian decided that he was going to Marry Nesta Archeron the first time she kicked his ass up and down a negotiation meeting. It was a couple years ago now. He’d been young and new at his firm. She was young and new too, but the words learning curve were not in Nesta’s vocabulary. Everything she did, she did with perfection.

Including getting rid of men she didn’t want hitting on her.

She said something to his brother that made Rhys’ half drunk, cocky, smile fall halfway down his face.

Cassian would’ve given his left eye to know what she said in that moment. She had a knack for jumping at the jugular and Rhys… oh Rhys. So obvious.

After a few moments and the continual fall of Rhys’ face, Cassian decided it was time to intervene. He knocked his drink back and straightened out his own suit jacket. Armani, still overpriced and designer but not so obvious or try hard as Mr. Up On The Trends with his Gucci. Nesta appreciated classics.

Simple. Clean lines, solid colours, classic. Which was why it was so fun just how attracted she was to his half wild self.

Unlike Rhys, Cassian plucked Nesta’s light grey suit jacket up off the stool beside her and reached over her head to hang it on a coat hook at the end of the bar. Settling himself into the chair beside her like it was exactly where he belonged. Which it was.

She turned around with an indignant shriek and a fire-breathing snarl that narrowed into just a hard glare when she realized it was him. Touching.

“This guy giving you trouble, Nes?”

Rhys choked on his whiskey and Cassian fought his hardest to keep a straight face.

“I so don’t need your saviour complex right now, Cassian.” Nesta scoffed.

“No,” Rhys rolled his eyes. “She was doing perfectly well scaring off everyone in a 10 mile radius all on her own.”

Nesta smiled sweetly, “I was just playing your game.”

Rhys sputtered again. Looked up at his brother. “This devil woman that you apparently already know,” he glared, “is all yours. I’m going home.”

“Be sure to drink plenty of water!” Nesta sing songed after him. Rhys flipped them both off on his way out.

“What’d you say to him?”

Nesta smiled. A pretty, feline little thing. “He said he wanted to chat. Suggested 20 question, which is the lamest, oldest, crustiest line in the book. So I went first. Asked just how small his dick was that he felt the need to overcompensate with the swagger and the gratuitous displays of wealth. He thought he was quite clever to use his question to ask if I wanted to check for myself how not small his dick was and then I asked if his daddy never loved him and that’s where all of that machismo masking painfully obvious and deep seeded feelings of inadequacy and insecurity came from. I was going to offer him my friend’s number before you showed up. She’s an excellent therapist.”

Cassian laughed. Hard. For a very long time. He loved Rhys, but sometimes the kid could use a nice set down. It was always sweeter when delivered by a beautiful woman. Not to mention, Cassian himself had gotten the same ice cold rejection the first time he met Nesta. When he asked if she wanted to get a coffee and she looked at him like something she’d scraped off the bottom of her shoe. That Rhys was chased off so easily just proved he couldn’t take the heat.

“You know the walking trust fund, I presume?” Nesta boredly sipped the drink Rhys had bought her. And even that was somehow amusing.

“Only for the last couple decades or so,” Cassian grinned. “He’s like a brother to me.”

“Explains a lot.”

“Your insults are more impactful when you clarify which person is being insulted.”

“I was going for the two birds one stone method.”

“In that case, consider me wounded, sweetheart.”

Nesta scoffed, “Unfortunately not mortally.”

“Oh Nesta, if I weren’t here you’d die of boredom and you know it. No one else can run you up and down the courtroom like I can.” Now. Cassian grinned as he watched the word flash across her eyes. He’d never live that first blunder down.

Nesta rose an eyebrow. “Bold of you to assume you present any challenge whatsoever.”

Cassian signalled for another drink and leaned forward. “Alright, I’ll bite. Who in this entire city can give you more of a run for your money?”

“Vanserra.” Nesta looked him dead in the eye. And managed to keep a straight face. As if that wasn’t the funniest fucking thing he’d heard all day.

“Oh yes, Nepotism and Nepotism LLP certainly has us all shaking in our boots,” Cassian blew out a breath. “What are you working on now?”

“I’m working on upholding attorney-client privilege.”

“So, the Suncurser merger.”

Nesta looked up. “How did you-”

“Helion and I are old friends. I checked the zoning on the lots he was buying before the merger went ahead to make sure the expansion was even feasible. But, as you know, M&A isn’t my thing. So I may have… given him a referral.”

“Are there any rich playboys in this city that you aren’t friends with?” Nesta finished off her drink and pointedly didn’t signal for another. “And if you think I’m going to be grateful to you for sending this my way you’ve got another thing-“

��Helion is my friend.” Cassian repeated, cutting her off. “He believes in this merger and he wants it done right. You’re the best, Nesta. Why wouldn’t I send him to you?”

“It’s not just to get in my pants?” She narrowed her eyes.

Cassian laughed again. “Oh no, sweetheart. When you invite me into your bed it will have nothing to do with work. It’ll be because you’re tired of denying how much you want me.” Cassian leaned in closer, one hand resting on the back of her chair. “Tired of denying the thrill that shoots through your whole body when we lay into each other. In the court room or out.” His nose brushed against hers, just a little, and Cassian felt Nesta tense up. He smirked, mouth just inches away from hers. “Tired of denying how right this is.”

Nesta’s voice was rough, husky. “So your plan is to wear me down?”

Cassian smirked. “My plan,” his hand came up to stroke the silk covered expanse of her upper arm, “is to marry you, Nesta Archeron. But sure, we can start with wearing you down.”

***Feyre and Nesta look physically similar so you can’t tell me drunk Rhys wouldn’t hit on Nesta in a bar before realizing he’d made a terrible mistake and running away thank you***

Also tags yourself, I’m the grandma doing the crossword puzzle with a martini. She’s an icon and she is the moment.

[dreamsclock]

plot twist its tommy who breaks dream out of prison to kick either the egg or wilburs ass and then just has him stay at his hotel as help he gets one of the shittier rooms for his help in running the hotel and it brings in business because everyone wants to keep an eye on dream and protect tommy and think this is a horrible idea meanwhile the gremlin gets rich off their concern. dream ends up either enjoying it a lot or asking to go back to prison before he kills the boy

HELLO ANON THIS IS GENUINELY MY NEW FAVOURITE AU SO!! welcome to the hotel guest au where i ignore the trauma these two both have and invent the funniest au where dream lives in the hotel with tommy and hates everything!

“Come and stay in my hotel,” Tommy says petulantly on his second visit to prison, and Dream is desperate enough he almost agrees straightaway.

Almost. Instead, he squints at the kid mistrustfully, scribbling in his book to reply to him.

Why?

“Because I want money.” Tommy says it like it’s the most obvious thing, crossing his arms with a huff. “And supplies. And you are a very bad guy, Dream, but you also have a lot of gold and diamonds and netherite.”

He nods, wisely.

“And I can make you mine for things for me. You’ll be like my little guest worker. You’re going to be in so much debt to me.”

Oh, God. Dream has never written faster in his life.

I am NOT going to be your captialist bitch, Tommy.

Tommy guffaws when he reads it, startled, amused. “Captalist bitch! That’s exactly what you fuckin’ are, oh my God, that’s so sad for you and so great for me.”

And that’s when alarms start going off in the prison, loud, unforgiving. Dream pulls back in alarm, hands going to cover his ears and glaring at Tommy in annoyance.

“What the hell did you do?” He rasps, the first words he’s spoken in— God, how long has it been since he’d spoken? He has no idea. Too long. Far too long.

And Tommy looks far too innocent to actually be innocent, grabbing Dream’s hand and pulling him towards the lava after chucking him a potion. “Well, like I said, I would really like it if you came and stayed in my hotel,” he says cheerily, “so I decided to break you out of prison.”

Dream’s eyes almost fall out his head. “You’re going to what?”

“Drink the fucking potion, bitch. We’re going to do a manhunt together. Except instead of you being the little bitch and me being the hunter, we’re.... Uh, we’re both the little bitches, I guess.”

Oh God, oh God, and everyone claims Tommy isn’t the protagonist. Dream has tried to start thinking of Tommy as just a normal kid, but how is he supposed to do that when Tommy is here to break him out of an inescapable prison?

Nevertheless, he drinks the potion, grimacing at the taste. “You’re going to get us both killed,” he groans, even as Tommy shoves him into the lava, “it’s impossible to escape from here alive, and we both only have one life left, you idiot!”

Tommy doesn’t look too bothered. “If you die, give me permission to donate your body to science,” he suggests, “and then I can prop your body up in my hotel to commemorate you. It’ll be fun, I think.”

A myriad of insults and horrified responses fly through Dream’s mind. As he is currently escaping prison with only a sixteen year old boy to help, he tries to ignore them and point out logical flaws. “What if you die?” He demands, when they get to the other side of the lava. “What then?”

“I can’t die,” Tommy says cheerfully, “Wilbur says I have plot armour. I have no idea how to make that type of armour but I brought my netherite set which I think is just as good.”

Dream lets out a minute distressed sound. “And you listened to your resurrected dead brother who blew up your country and manipulated you?”

“Technically, you’re also that. Minus the brother part. And the dead part. For now.” Tommy grins at him. “Let’s keep it that way, yeah, dickhead?”

And Dream has no choice but to agree, because the guards appear at the other end of the room, kitted out in head to toe with netherite armour and weapons, because Tommy whispers run, because suddenly he’s lost his mind and has decided to follow TommyInnit — not only his enemy, not only his rival, but also a literal child.

He misses his cell already.

[qslovebot]

KISS FOR YOUR LIFE: SPENCER REID

Summary: A BAU case leads the reader to take on an undercover role to flush out a ten-person mafia. Before the work can begin, things go awry and the reader has to improvise and pretend to seduce Spencer to keep her cover and arrest the real unsub.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings/includes: talk of murder, mentions of sex, suggested past experiences with misogyny, suggestive jokes, unsub is a radical feminist, swearing, arrests, guns, making out, sort of fluffy end.

Word Count: 4159

A/N: Written like an episode. I removed Rossi so... AU? First actual fanfic on here, tell me what you think?

Today was your first official day at the BAU, switching from two floors down as an underestimated agent to upstairs, with the Big League. Agent Hotchner decided he needed new, young-minded blood. He was notorious for picking the best of the best and after an intimidating interview with him and his brooding questions, he decided he wanted you on his team.

You had been here before, of course. You frequently visited the ever-chatting Penelope Garcia for lunch, sometimes in her office, sometimes heading downstairs for a slice of pizza or a salad. She vented about her issues, while you talked about the constant misogyny that ran through the men on your floor. She was five years older than you and decided that as your 'elder' she would put on the angry soccer mom look and kick their asses. But, lucky for you, two floors upward, the men didn't act like children on the job, so Garcia could keep her regular look.

Here it was, glass entrance, high ceilings. The air smelled like paper and was filled with a fresh sort of low mumbling and the small clicks of the keyboards. A semi-fresh start. Today you would organize your new desk, sort files, meet the others...

"Agent (Y/L/N), we have a case in Boston, we will be briefed on the jet. Get your things ready, we leave in twenty-five minutes," Agent Hotchner said as he walked by. He didn't stop for a single second, those dark dress shoes clomping heavily to the desks of your new fellow agents to inform them as well. So much for your plans.

Not wanting to appear unready, you rushed to set your things down and grab the few things you needed for the case. Hotchner had said always bring three spare outfits rolled to the smallest packing size possible, toiletries (toothpaste, toothbrush, hairbrush, and feminine hygiene products) as well as one extra pair of shoes. Those were already packed into a small bag, so in with those went your notebook, pens, and highlighter. You came prepared, so in no time, you were on the jet for the first time, exhilarated.

A hand was extended to you when you took your seat. It belonged to a man with caramel skin and a dazzling smile, "You must be (Y/L/N). The name is Derek Morgan." Anyone who used 'the name is' seemed like they felt superior in some way. It was used in the media to introduce someone of importance. 'The name is Bond, James Bond', ran through your head as you gratefully shook his hand.

"My name is Emily Prentiss and I... didn't quite catch your first name," a woman with a v-neck sweater also reached to shake your hand. "I think I may have heard it, but I must have forgotten."

"(Y/N)," you replied with a small smile. It felt nice to be greeted with kind eyes, rather than greedy ones. "It's not a very memorable name, don't worry."

Emily looked apologetic, but soon reverted to her previous smile. I was greeted by the blonde woman across the aisle, too far to shake my hand. "My name is Jennifer Jareau, I'm the media liaison, but you can call me JJ, everyone does. It's really great to meet you- for a moment I thought Penelope had made up a friend as a result of too many hours in front of a screen."

You laughed a little, ruffling your hair. She seemed outgoing, but I had already started profiling Derek Morgan and I wanted to stop there. Agent Hotchner sat down with someone I had never noticed on my visits to Penelope. I had noticed everyone else here on this jet at least once before, but... not him. How had you missed him?

He stood at about six-one, maybe six-two? He was thin, much the opposite to Morgan's greatly muscular arms. This man was calm-looking, quiet. His clothes said that maybe he was meticulous and orderly- he looked like the kind of person who didn't own a single pair of sweatpants. His face was chiselled, with a sharp jawline and cheekbones that carved the shadows on his face. His eyes, however, were much softer. Long eyelashes and dark eyes made them bigger, but they were slightly blocked by bronze-toned brown curls that at the end of his combed and gelled hair, wrapped around his jaw, neck, and face.

He was beautiful, if you were entirely frank with yourself.

And he didn't even notice you were there until Hotchner nudged his arm in a way that said 'say hello' the same way one would introduce two toddlers. You were sure you weren't a toddler and nor was this man, but it appeared you both may have been the youngest there.

When he looked your way, you wanted to look away, but couldn't. He seemed surprised to see you there and you were trying to play off the staring by introducing yourself. "Hi, I'm SSA (Y/N) (Y/L/N). I don't think we've met, it's nice to meet you." You extended your hand and he just shook his head no, his lips pressing into a tight line.

He didn't shake hands, you realized. Probably a slight germophobe. You cleared your throat, "I'm sorry if that was an uncomfortable gesture, I didn't know." Humiliating.

The tall man opened his mouth to say something, shut his mouth, opened it again but then turned a little pink and sat down immediately next to Hotchner and stared at his hands that were folded in his lap. You had thought you nailed pretty much every introduction, but this one? Fuck.

You reverted back to your business with a sigh, patting your knees. It felt like you had somehow lost something. JJ whispered to you, silently pointing to the tall man, "Dr. Spencer Reid, human encyclopedia, dictionary, and knows pretty much everything." You nodded a thank you and she nodded back.

Derek Morgan, however, tapped Emily Prentiss on the shoulder and mumbled, "Reid did his 'pretty-girl-freakout'."

Emily gasped, "Oh, he did!

The two seemed to have forgotten you were in front of them and they noticed your confusion in unison, both of them freezing up and chuckling nervously. You smiled an extremely awkward smile and left thinking about Dr. Spencer Reid for later as you got to the case.

This was about a female mafia boss who seemed to take on the personality, style, and characteristics of the taste of rich men and kill them after having sex with them. The woman was reported and seen by one witness to see her and that was the only person outside of this mafia who had seen her face, so they were working with the sketch artist and would have the picture ready and accurate upon our arrival.

Victimology was simple, she was after men who had too much power. She probably identified with being a radical feminist. She was after their money and had sex with them to dethrone them on the way. Possibly bordered on a personality disorder considering she seemed to be entirely all-in to her 'disguises'.

The funniest thing was the way they all looked at you when you announced those lines. Perhaps you would work yourself out of the 'child' stage faster than you thought.

The BAU hit the precinct in much less time than I had expected and on the ground, running. You were immediately given things to do and you were on top of it all, every order. That was until the drawing of the Mafia leader AKA 'The Seductress' was pulled up and the whole BAU gasped at how she looked EXACTLY like you.

"Do I need my cuffs?" Morgan joked. You had covered your mouth in disbelief and the rest of the room was doing double-takes.

You laughed nervously, "I swear... that isn't me, but oh my god..." Morgan was laughing and Emily and JJ whispering and had confused smiles. Spencer Reid stood in the corner, his hand on his cheek, seemingly studying the photo. He looked statue-like, borderline godly.

"Can this be used to our advantage?" Hotch launched back into technical thinking, brow furrowed. You looked at him, mouth open, but immediately shut it out of professionalism. What was going on in his head?

Reid spoke up, "If we position her just right and at the right time in one of the hotspots for that group, we can possibly get her to somehow trick the other members into some sort of turn-in."

Her. Indirect. Did you do something wrong?

"Or a simple appearance could start gossip and a possible flock to where she was spotted. As long as people aren't seeing double or reaching to do so, she can play as The Seductress." Emily said, looking at you. "Are you up to try, (Y/L/N)?"

All eyes on you. Your first day turned to chaos. But this was your job and you would prove your place here. So you agreed and in a whisk of an afternoon, you were transformed into the mirror image of The Seductress while you were talked through the plan through a radio. Turned out, so prove a professional place, you needed to make yourself look ridiculously unprofessional.

Pinned up hair, dark cat eye makeup, a dress similar to hers that happened to be on hand. Long, deep red, with a long slit up the side and your tits were practically falling out of it, but the dress fit and they were secure, so you dealt with it. There was no other space for a gun other than the side of your thigh where The Seductress kept hers knife. Now, you had to get going, meaning you had to face the BAU in the getup.

When you walked out, Derek Morgan hooted and whistled and Emily gave him a look that said 'oh lord' like an annoyed sibling. You smiled a little and essentially just kept walking, figuring if you moved, it would give them less time to stare at your tits.

Turning the corner, you noticed that Dr.Spencer Reid was much redder than he had been earlier on the jet. So maybe he really did think you were pretty. You caught yourself smiling at the thought, but shook your head free of any ideas. Professional! No crushes on Spencer Reid!

You arrived near the scene, dropped off by Hotchner. "You know what to do. Reid will be going with you to the crateyard, he will also be nearby when you head in. If you see The Seductress, do not make the arrest. If you can, lure her."

You nodded. Wow, first time in the field with the BAU and you had the leading role. No pressure, no pressure, just... everyone depending on you. But the pressure came back when you realized you had heard right and Reid was going with you, alone. You had done really well with the job so far today, minus finding the tall doctor extremely attractive. He came to stand beside you and since he was much taller than you were, you were sure he could look right down your dress without even trying. Not like anyone had to try, but he had the upper hand.

You ached to cover yourself, but that was a major risk. The Seductress was confident, she wouldn't cover-up. You got into the tinted car with Reid, him in the driver's seat and you in the passenger's seat. Silence crept up, but he turned the engine over and headed east to where the mafia was to meet up.

"Some first day," you mumbled nervously.

Reid seemed to think you had said something to him and he talked to you directly for what seemed like the first time. "P-pardon?" He had a stutter when talking to you and to be honest it was cute but there was no time to crush!

"Oh, I was just remarking to myself on how this is my first day and I'm already... so... out there." You sighed and pat your knees. The jitters crept up, but so did butterflies. "Nervous, I'm nervous."

He looked over and swallowed hard, so hard it was audible. Was he fighting the same urge to be friendlier or was he just fighting the urge to look at your tits like a twelve-year-old boy would? Either way, you were glad he was with you. He smelled like books, leather, and cologne and it was oddly calming.

You reached the other side of the crateyard in a few more minutes and he handed you your gun, which you shoved into the holster on your thigh. "You're going without a vest so... k-keep focused," Spencer said- and it seemed like he had so many words jumbled on the tip of his tongue, but refused to say them. You thought he was afraid to annoy you, as you knew he liked to give lengthy explanations. "I'll be behind, uh- the crates."

You smiled at him and watched him look away, his curls falling in his face. God, he was so gorgeous. If this went wrong, you were glad you would go with that shy look of his in the front of your mind. He pulled on his vest and you put out a hand and stopped him. "If they see you with the vest at all, in any way, they'll know what's happening."

He nodded, keeping his eyes from yours as he pulled on a plain black jacket over the vest. For a genius, he seemed to have his mind a little fuzzy tonight. In the dark of the night, the only lights were flickering lamps on high-beamed poles. Your heart was beating hard as you waited for the signal to begin to move.

"G-good luck," Spencer's words fumbled out of his mouth and I looked at him for a moment where he looked right back at you. He chewed on his bottom lip, eyelids fluttering as you tried to look anywhere else and there it was- the radio signal. The tension that was there in that brief moment defused. You gave him a small smile before opening the car door and standing tall, in the aura of The Seductress.

Spencer waited until you were out between the crates to leave the car. You heard the door shut gently behind you, but his footsteps were silent. Much quicker than you thought, there was a gruff voice that didn't belong to Spencer. "My lady, may I say what an honour it is to have you join us this evening." You spun to face a man in a dark suit. You didn't have The Seductress's voice, so you nodded in the most gracious way you could.

"Bernard and Lolita are waiting inside the abandoned building for the small exchange as well as the rest of us, but Mamacita... you're being tailed by the FBI." He said, pointing to the crate that hid Dr. Spencer Reid. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "I'll go kill him for you!"

So flat out, he wanted to kill Spencer Reid, a rotting smile on his face as if it was an act of kindness. He knew Spencer was there, he saw... but you weren't busted? God, this man was stupid.

"No," you said, in a quiet, yet strong voice, grabbing the gruff man by the shoulder pad. "He is my kill."

The man grinned an evil grin and you did your best to smile evilly in return. You showed him your gun and he rubbed his palms together. "The gluck and Glock," he chuckled. "Can I watch?"

He thought you were going to fuck and kill Spencer. Your heart skipped a beat and you tried hard not to show it. Oh no... how to work your way out of this... Spencer couldn't help you. Or... could he?

You glared at the man, "No, but I know that his team is on the way. Get Bernard, Lolita, and anyone else in on the next killings from that abandoned building and run straight west. Do not stop. I will catch up to you once I'm finished with the agent here." You improvised the best you could and this stupid man bought it. Little did he know that the team was stationed Westbound.

"Got it," his face was dazed and malevolent. "But I'm not leaving until I know you've got this handled, my lady."

"You question my skill?" You shot back, still acting.

He looked scared for a moment, "No, not at all, I just... You're a lot shorter than I was expecting."

You stared daggers, "And you insult me?"

"Just wanted to know you had it covered... in case something is fishy here..." was he really catching on or was he confused and just running through the precautions?

Fuck, you had been so focused on the cover you forgot you were a profiler. This man was small-minded, probably brought into this ordeal through family ties. Since he was so stupid, he was trusted with less... hence why he was outside the building as the lookout, rather than in on the meeting.

Why he wouldn't leave- he was so incapable of proper interaction he had never had the chance to be with a woman. Watching was the only way he would ever see. He was stupid and he was stubborn. He was not going to leave until he saw the beginning.

The best thing would be to let him stay for proof. "Fine. But when I give you my look, you run and get everyone running straight West." You narrowed your eyebrows at him and he looked like he was going to sweat out of his skin. But... this meant...

You had a few seconds, you rushed over to behind the crate to where Spencer stood, his gun in hand. "W-what are you-" he questioned in a whisper-yell.

"He's onto me, I need you to go along with this- can I kiss you, Dr.Reid?" You whispered back. His eyes went wide and his cheeks flushed pink. Once again, being professional called for being unprofessional. You really didn't want to kiss him- at least not now, not like this. He wouldn't speak and the mafia man was coming. "Reid, if I don't do this, he won't flush the group West and we'll both be shot and if not shot, targeted by a mafia!"

"Y-yes!" he practically squeaked, his back to the crate he was hiding behind. This really was the only way- this other man would not be talked down, because he was taught to just shoot, rather than listen and understand. "I'm sorry if I-"

You cut him off by reaching up, grabbing the collar of his shirt and kissing him. It took him a moment, but he kissed back. You could feel the heat off of his cheeks. The first day on the job, you had embarrassed yourself, gotten dressed like a Mafia killer, played the part, and now you were kissing Dr.Spencer Reid in a crateyard... and he was surprisingly not a bad kisser. He was a little sloppy the first few seconds but moments later, he figured it out. His one hand went on your jaw, the other on your waist, both of them shaking. You could tell that the shaking wasn't because the man watching you both right now had a gun, it was you.

You were making out with him, hard. Your body was pressed to his tightly against the crate and Spencer was holding you there. Your hands were still gripping his shirt. Messy altogether but your lips met in every perfect way. It was good, but for work. This was when you knew to stop- you had convinced the other man. You pulled away, turned your head and mouthed to the mafia man, 'GO' and he ran.

Now things would be extremely awkward. You pushed yourself away from Spencer whose hands stayed on your waist and face until you were entirely out of his reach. You laughed anxiously and he stood there, hands behind his back. That was... that was wow, but... it was for the case. For the case.

It was time to get moving. Spencer knew it, you knew it. The real Seductress was on her way. You turned your head over your shoulder and he was moving slowly, head down. You fought off a small smile. He was entirely red, gun still held loosely in his hand.

You turned your head and were met by a sharp blow to the face. Both of you had let your guard down. Stupid.

"I don't like impostors," said the female voice that was the source of the blow. Hell, it was her. Spencer clocked his gun into place and you turned, elbowing The Seductress in the chest. She returned with another hard blow that you ducked, spinning around her and kicking the back of her leg. She recovered quickly and shot up, punching you in the stomach. You lost your breath for a second and she took the opportunity to punch you in the jaw and pull a knife.

"Put the knife down!" Spencer called. His voice was stronger facing a woman with a sharp knife than it was when talking to you alone. "I know who you are, you want what's right for women, correct?"

The Seductress narrowed her eyes at him like her next meal, leaving you on the ground. Would Spencer shoot if she threw that knife? Odd she didn't have a gun on her. She must have been relying on the others for more protection. You stood up quietly, watching her slowly advance on Spencer. He had your lipstick smeared over his lips, he looked rough, but he held his gun out in front of him and had the other hand up to reason with her. "Men like you think yourselves above women. You, FBI, you think yourself better than men and women alike because you're the authority. Tell me, how do you like your women, Agent?"

He gulped, eyes flickering to you. You pulled out your gun. "I think... I think I'm a weak man and I'm no better than anyone. I don't deserve women." Spencer said, looking at the evil lady. In person, she looked a lot less like you.

"Lies. It's the instinct of men to feel superior to women. You'll have a lot less instinct when you're dead!" She snarled, lunging at him with her blade out. You pulled the trigger, she fell to the ground. Not dead, but wounded to pass out. Spencer narrowly jumped out of her way, watching her knife clatter to the ground.

You looked up at Spencer, bewildered. You had done it. You saved the case, took down a murderous mafia boss. It was only when Spencer pointed at your face and said, "Y-you're bleeding, (Y/N), are you okay?"- that you noticed your cut lip and the blood pouring from your forehead. But you also noticed he called you by your first name.

He reached a hand forward but retracted it when you winced from the sudden pain. Adrenaline took the pain away temporarily, you supposed. There were still things to be done. Spencer called for backup and a medic and watched as you cuffed the woman. She wasn't going to die, but she did need help.

Once medics arrived, Spencer drove you both back to the Westward situation, where ten arrests had been made. You were in a state of haze, so how Spencer's jacket got around your shoulders was a mystery. When you stepped out of the car, you were greeted by the rest of the agents.

"Are you okay?!" Prentiss was the first to greet you both. She grabbed you by the shoulders and looked at the nearly-dried blood on your skin. "We got worried when you didn't follow soon after, you got her?"

"Yeah," you smiled tiredly.

She grinned back. "Fill us in on the details on the way back, okay? Let's get you two cleaned up."

But Derek Morgan found Spencer, "Hey pretty-boy, is that royal rouge you've got on your lips there?" he teased. Spencer panicked and looked into the mirror of the nearest car, seeing that he did in fact have your lipstick on his mouth. He tried to wipe it off with his wrist, but it still stained. You wiped your own lip with your thumb and Derek caught you. "Okay, Miss Newbie, I see you."

Your eyes widened and Emily raised her eyebrows at you, a teasing smile on her lips. "It was to keep my cover. It's what sent those guys your way, one of them has serious sexual issues." You made sure they knew it- to save yourself and to save Spencer. Derek Morgan spun away with a huge knowing grin, back to Hotchner who was conversing with the Chief of Police. Emily pulled you away to the other medics and you shot Spencer a smile as you went.

He smiled back, still wiping off his mouth.

-tags

@ellyhotchner @softhairedhotch <3

[tomiokai]

taken care of

my hero academia

navigation <- masterlist found here

[ sfw ] how some of the mha guys would take care of you if you were shit drunk at a frat party.

k. bakugo / e. kirishima / d. kaminari / i. midoryia / h. shinso / t. amajiki

notes: SURPRISE POST BITCHESSS!!! i finally did something that involved more writing and this baby was born. i made this pretty late at night so if it’s shit, i’m sorry LOL. poorly edited at 1am.

cw: reader is intoxicated & a lil suggestive

Katsuki Bakugo

Katsuki would be the type to scold you and make you feel super guilty for getting drunk but would also baby you.

Imagine, you’re just dancing and all of a sudden you have the idea to start stripping. Right as you’re about to yank your skirt down, he would catch your hand and send you a very very dirty look.

TBH you would probably giggle and that would get Bakugo fired up.

He would drag you out of the place calling you a dirty whore or a slut and you would start to tear up. (Usually you would get horny by these words but since you’re intoxicated you’re just not having it.)

He would be in shock for a moment and then bring you into a big bear hug and apologize to you many times and you would just cry and nod back.

He would then treat you like royalty for the rest of the night making sure you had everything you needed and that you were comfortable in his bed.

Bakugo would even go as far as to baking you cinnamon buns at 2 in the morning just to make up for his dumb words.

He’s so nice and sweet to you, you almost wanted to get drunk around him for often. But realizing Bakugo might just beat your ass in the morning, the idea went straight to the bin.

Just start preparing yourself for the scolding of your life tomorrow morning.

Cause this man is not holding back AT ALL.

Eijiro Kirishima

Kiri would honestly throw you over his broad shoulders and just take you home after watching you completely lose your shit after only 4 drinks.

He’d crush the empty beer bottle he just finished drinking with one hand and toss it into the recycling. He would walk up from behind you and just swing you over his shoulder like a rice bag and say goodbye for you to your friends as he protests against his strong back.

He isn’t trying to deal with any of your whining or complaints at the frat party at all.

Once the two of you arrive at his apartment he would gently dump you onto his couch.

He would then cook you some delicious scrambled eggs and make sure you ate it as the two of you watched some type of cartoon on his tv.

Lost of cuddles and you trying to get into his pants, but each time he pulls away and tells you to calm down.

Of course you would pout at him but TBH this man would pout back at you.

Makes sure you drink LOTS of water.

He has a bucket by the couch just in case you needed to hurl and you couldn’t make it to the bathroom in time.

If you fall asleep on his should, he would gently lay you on the couch and cover you with a blanket and sit at the foot of the couch for the rest of the night to make sure you’re sleeping well.

Denki Kaminari

Let’s be honest, man is probably drunk too but not drunk enough to the point he couldn’t take care of you.

He’ll be drunk but still put your safety before his own.

He would either have a watchful eye on you the whole night or he would be glued to your side making sure you’re not making any too stupid decisions Denki himself wouldn’t make.

The two of you are a real shit show as you danced together in the centre of the room.

People all around you would hype the two of you up which only encouraged more of the dancing.

At one point, Sero forced Denki to take you home and that’s what he did.

The way the two of you would saunter back to his dorm half-ass naked and trying to stay upright is the funniest shit ever.

Once the two of you lock his dorm door (safety first kids), sloppy kisses would arise for sure.

The two of you would end up making cringy TikToks that the two of you will end up regretting in the morning.

Lots of weird conversations and bad jokes from both parties.

I feel like Denki would sober up first since he had fewer drinks than you did so then he would try to put your flirty ass to sleep.

He would cuddle up right next to you and the two of you would go to bed together.

Izuku Midoriya

Poor baby is so confused because he is so clueless about what to do.

He would stare intensely at you trying to come up with a plan to handle your drunk ass.

You can't tell me this isn't his first party because it is and you had forgotten to tell him that you had a weak alcohol tolerance.

That night, he would be chasing you around as you run through the party, dance with many people and take shots after shots.

He would try to stop you from trying to take more drinks but all he would get are a few sloppy cheek kisses and you telling him that you'll be "okay".

You’d grind up against him mindlessly on accident and Izuku would freak the fuck out and start panicking.

At that point he would be begging you to stop drinking and calm down for a little while. And when you don’t listen and run off to go gossip with your girl friends, Deku has to take a moment and calm himself down.

After that, this could go two ways...

1) He would call Bakugo to come help him take you home knowing full well you were very scared of Bakugo's bad moods.

or

2) Deku is fed up and straight-up drag you out of the party as you pout the whole way, refusing to meet your eyes or he might just melt away.

Hitoshi Shinso

You cannot tell me this man wouldn't use his mind control on you when you're in a ditzy state.

BUT here's the catch, he wouldn't take you home straight away.

He will let you do as you please while still keeping a watchful eye on you.

He'll let you do whatever you liked as long as you didn't get carried away to the point you might hurt yourself or someone else.

Shinso is always looking for an excuse to punish you (he is low-key sadistic).

Even in your ditzy state you know this, that's why you'd dance up real close to a random frat boy with lust-filled eyes as you held eye contact with Shinso who was resting on the couch with a dark glint in his eyes.

Once he’s fed up of your bs, he would completely take over your mind and make you obey him like a dog and take you home.

Yk what happens at home ;)

OBVIOUSLY, Shinso would let you cuddle with his two cats as he tries to cook you some hangover food. (What did you think I would say, you dirty minded freak…)

JK he rails the fuck out of you AND THEN, let’s you play with his cats while he makes hangover food. 😛

Tamaki Amajiki

Tamaki hates going with you to your dumb parties. It’s not just that, he hates going out period.

So when you drag him with you, he’s in a sour mood and he’ll complain the whole entire car ride to the frat house.

Of course you told him he could always stay home but Tamaki knew better than to let you go without him.

You’ll be drinking up these sketchy drinks as Tamaki stands at the corner of the room with his hood up and indigo eyes staring daggers at the back of your head.

At the first sign of anyone hitting on you or being a little too touchy, Tamaki is fast to just stand behind you, towering behind you and glaring at whomever tried to disturb you. His hood is up masking away the completely stressed clench of his teeth as he stood his ground trying to ward off the stranger.

You’d turn around and kiss Tamaki’s cheek with a cheeky smile and take his hand into yours and drag him to come dance with you.

He follows knowing that if he helps you burn through your alcohol high, you’d go home early.

Once home, he would tuck you into your bed and stay with you the whole night to make sure nothing weird happens in your sleep when you’re drunk.

Tamaki swears to you that he’ll never follow you to another part again knowing full well he would.

[littlesniggy]

That demon admiral headcanon got me thinking, IF they happened to fall in love with a human even though they see humans as lesser creatures. This human just some how makes them tick, how will it go down ?!

Hi Anon! Thank you so much for requesting! I actually can't believe how many requests regarding the admirals I've received! But I can't complain 😂 But I hate to break it to you, admiral demons will NEVER fall in love. I know I crushed your and my fragile little heart but that's just how it is. I hope you can forgive me.

Warnings: a little suggestive maybe, nothing graphic I think, unrequited love

Demon! Admirals 'falling in love' headcanons (but not really lol)

Sakazuki

Well, as I said before, he sees humans as less than demons and he will NOT fall in love with one. That’s maybe also due to the fact that I picture demons not feeling any ‘positive’ emotions that humans feel like empathy, sympathy, love, compassion, etc. They do, however, feel or rather depict all those things that are considered sinful like greed, lust, envy, wrath, etc.

SOO, the closest Sakazuki, or any of the demon admirals for that matter, will come to ‘loving’ someone will be the feeling of lust towards you. I know, it hurts but Sakazuki will not fall for you. You should be grateful that he even takes a second look at you and considers even engaging with you in the first place.

His interest will probably manifest in the way that he will actually talk to you more than one-worded answers. Don’t get me wrong, he won’t have a full on conversation with you but he will find out more about you, mostly things he can use to against you in the future (and it won’t take him long to figure things out. He’s a demon, he knows the deepest and darkest desires of them).

If he notices that he might be interested in a lowly human he will be disgusted with himself, for sure. He can’t except that he stooped so low as to even consider using one of your dirty holes to please himself. If he can (and this demon has a lot of self-control) he will stay away from you and won’t even think twice about you from then on. He will send his underlings to deal with your shit and will eventually collect your debt to him.

I can see it being slightly different if you try and seduce him if you’re really brave enough. And you won’t even know if he’s interested in you so it’s a shot in the dark. And even if you try and seduce him and he actually is somewhat intrigued it won’t necessarily lead to anything steamy. As I said before, this demon has a lot of self-control so you need to be really convincing to actually get anything out of this other than being scared to death by his reaction.

So, all I’m saying is that it’s highly unlikely for anything to happen between the two of you. You can say good bye to the thought of him falling in love with you simply because he can’t feel love and in his eyes you’re nothing better than a cockroach, maybe a sexy cockroach if there’s something special about you. Sorry.

Borsalino

Like Sakazuki, this demon does not feel love and quite frankly, even if he could he doesn’t see the need to spend the limited amount of time you have left on earth being all lovey-dovey. He has the mindset that humans are disposable and all of them are the same so why should he invest more time into something that isn’t beneficial to him like love. He has lots and lots of other humans who can give him the same/more attention than you can.

He does, however, engages with humans when he finds them amusing and some way. He can never pin point as to what peaks his interest because it’s always something different but it only takes him a split second to find out if you’re worth it or not. If you are, be prepared for a lot of manipulation and mind-games. If he notices that you might be interested in him he will take advantage of this fact all he wants. If he feels like it, he can even pretend to care about you but don’t be fooled – as I said, he is just pretending.

Borsalino will much rather see you as his little monkey he can train to act and behave the way he wants to. The funniest thing for him to do will make you do things you actually don’t want to. As a reward, he will give you what you want; attention, sex, affection, whatever you want. This way, he can figure out more things about you and it will be an even bigger pleasure when he breaks it to you that he has fulfilled his end of the contract and now it’s time for you to pay your end.

But let’s just assume for a moment that he is interested in you, maybe not necessarily in an affectionate way but he doesn’t despise you. He can spoil you in a way that he won’t require payment from you (at least not for small things). To be honest, the darker your requests for him, the more likely he is to fulfill them without payment.

He is a demon, so he enjoys sex. It’s ironic, but he’s a God when it comes to sex and it’s one of the few pleasures he actually enjoys doing with humans (other than taunting). So, consider yourself ‘lucky’ if he’s maybe a little nicer to you and engages with you more than once or twice. It means that he’s not loathing you entirely. That’s the closest he’ll get to ‘falling in love’ with you.

Kuzan

No ‘falling in love’ here either for this demon. He’s not really interested in humans so you need to have something really special about yourself to even catch his attention. He’s not too different from Sakazuki in that matter but for a different reason. Sakazuki sees humans as nothing more than trash (or cockroaches) and Kuzan feels like they’re simply wasting his time so he’s rather annoyed by them.

So, when you catch his attention in any way (doesn’t matter if in a good or a bad way) he will notice you. It’s on you to decide what you want to do with his attention because, even though I might didn’t make this point in my last post, he has no qualms about destroying you either; his demeanor can fool you easily. He’s a demon, after all, so you need to think really hard how you would like things to go from here on.

Assuming you caught his attention in a good way, he will try to figure out (and succeed) your deepest desires and maybe, just maybe, will fulfill one or two of them ‘free of charge’. He will talk to you a little more, try and get to know you better but, then again, don’t be fooled by him. His laid-back manner makes him easy to talk to and you might actually see him as some kind of ‘friend’ or even ‘lover’ if you got him to get intimate with you (and believe me, you want to get intimate with this demon!). But deep down he is as rotten as the other two.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that he will pretend to be in love with you but for his own amusement he will engage with you a little more than he usually would with others. If he feels like it, he might even tell you something about himself but you need to be really lucky (or unlucky) for this to happen. I mean, why would he tell you something about himself/hell in the first place when he will most likely see you there eventually again and he can simply show you around, explain all the hellish tortures you will endure during your stay there. So, why spoil the fun? On the other hand, he can’t deny that it might kind of turn him on to see the disturbed look on your face if he tells you about all the abhorrent things in hell that will be done to you.

One sign that he might actually considers you less annoying than other humans and convinced him to sleep fuck with you is when he lets you stay by his side for a moment after sex, have you curl up next to him, maybe even letting your head rest on his chest but this rarely happens.

So yeah, I’m sorry these probably weren’t the headcanons you wanted to read but I don’t see any of them ever falling in love simply because I don’t think that demons can fall in love. Your chances at getting fucked by one (even Sakazuki once in a blue moon) is much more likely. But don’t worry, anyone who made a contract with a demon (and you need to make one in order for them to actually notice you) will eventually end up in hell and can spend their time with them forever 💕