#happy anniversary nct dream

[meowmk]

happy april 29th get u a man that looks at you like mark looks at haechan

[rvnclyd]

i heard when you cry, it rains in heaven.

[natokkiz]

OUR PATHS 𑁍ࠬܓ𓏲 ๋࣭  ࣪ ˖ ɞ

SYNOPSIS | although you’ve tried to convince yourself that you’re over jaemin, your actions say otherwise. to your surprise, on the one year anniversary of your breakup with him, you suddenly find yourself in his city. trying to move on is hard, especially when you won’t stop running into him.

PAIRING | na jaemin x fem!reader

GENRE | social media au + written, exes to lovers, non!idol, angst, fluff, comedy

FEATURING | the rest of nct dream, yunjin (le sserafim), ryujin and yeji (itzy)

WARNINGS | dark humor, profanity, suggestive themes mdni, more to be added + specific warnings in the chapters

STATUS | ongoing (updates when i can T_T)

TAGLIST | open! comment or send an ask to be added!

PLAYLIST | la la lost you - niki | bye my first… - nct dream | let you break my heart again - laufey | lovesick - laufey | keeping tabs - niki | paths - niki | magnets - niki | afterglow - taylor swift | i love you, i'm sorry - gracie abrams | supercut - lorde | love again - nct dream

PROFILES [one ⭒ two]

THE STORYLINE

00. it's whatever [prologue]

01. why would you say that

02. is mercury in retrograde or something?

03. avoid avoid avoid

04. civil coworkers (wc: 0.5k)

05. forced proximity trope

06. not you being heterophobic

07. mixed signals

08. silly luck

09. so much for moral support (wc: 0.5k)

10. breaking stereotypes

11. dubs in the chat (wc: 1k)

12. she wants that cookie so effing bad

13. OHMYGOsh he's crazy (wc: 0.8k)

14. what tactics sweetie (wc: 0.6k)

15. #renjunisoverparty

16. a really bad case of down baditis

17. we can kkyu too you know

18. i think i just blacked out (wc: 1k)

19. 98% happy 2% jealous

20. ...

21. ...

22. ...

more chapters tba & chapters are subject to change!

reblogs, replies, and likes are very appreciated & asks/dms are always open as well <3

© natokkiz - all rights reserved. please do not repost anywhere, translate, or modify any of my works.

[icanseethefuture333]

PAC: Who wants to take a baecation with you (18+)

Pile 1:

Shufflemancy -

Good Days by SZA

Jhené (xy) by SMAVS

Big Energy by Latto

Justice, Six of Wands, Four of Swords, The Fool, The Golden Mirror, Cupid’s Arrow, The Dragonfly, Hammer, Gifts, & Dating

You are seeking a partner who is fair and allows you to express the most wild parts of yourself. You could be someone who is considered a “lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets”. You maintain a clean image or could work in a very professional setting. I feel like you have a duality to yourself. For some of you, you could code switch or switch dialects when working and off work or you could also speak two different languages. When you are on your off days, you enjoy partying, going to the club, or hanging out with close friends. Your demeanor and style is very attractive to this person. The person who wishes to take a baecation with you could be very introverted. Not to sound rude, but they could be insecure of “wimpy” in comparison to you as well. They lack courage to go out in social settings and prefer more lowkey events. This person could admire you from afar - I’m hearing “wow I really wish I could eat them out” 😳. They find your scent to be really enticing and could want to smell your pheromones. They really want to have hot and sweaty sex with you 🫠🥴. They could want to hear what your moans sound like and it really frustrates them because they’re too scared to ask you out LOLLL. You could be on the more curvy side while this person is more thin and lanky in height, if not, then this person is just really intimidated by your beauty. Their dream is to ask you out and wine and dine you to get you into bed 😝. This person self sabotages though and could be very sensitive or prone to jealousy. So I don’t see this relationship being long term, more so a summer fling. They could please you sexually and vice versa - 69? 😳 you could have been single for a while and focusing on yourself since most suitors don’t seem to be the right fit but I see this person potentially giving you another chance at love again, even if it won’t be long term. You will find this person will exceed your expectations. You might think that they can’t handle you or you’re too much of them but boy will you be surprised 😩. Things will naturally unfold and this person could come forward if you take a light hearted approach. Complimenting them or doing light touches to tease them would make them fold in a heartbeat. Be careful of love bombing from romantic suitors as well this summer because your magnetism will just be so enticing!!

Pile 2:

Shufflemancy -

Aquaman by Jay Park

Whiplash by NCT 127

F*ck Me & Feed Me by Rendezvous At Two

Four of Wands, The Empress, Queen of Pentacles, The Hierophant, Kisses, Self Indulgence, Soulmates, Healing Heart, Mature Woman, & Past Life

I’m seeing sensual kisses 💋😩. This person wants to take it slow with you, pile 2. They are very romantic and traditional. This could be an anniversary with your current specific person or the partner you will be dating for a while. If you are single, then the date you will have with them will you have thinking “this could be my person”. You have been hoping to find someone who ticks all the boxes in your dream partner and I feel this person is who you will be looking for. The sex could feel like it’s deep in your soul 😩. Something about it is transformative and alluring. It reminds me of the scene with Nina and her friend from Love Jones when she said “his dick just talked to me.” “What did it say?” “Nina~”. They want to make you squirt and cum over and over 💦. You might cry or feel overstimulated after sex but I’m seeing this person is great with aftercare. This person will be helping you heal your heart. They want to make you feel good and is going to be giving you the princess treatment. They are focused on fulfilling your needs and making you happy. It sounds almost too be good to be true - but I want to tell you this is 100% the truth, pile 2! You are entering your grown woman era and need a partner to match this new confident energy of yours. Congrats baby 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↔️😏!

Pile 3

Shufflemancy -

Me & You by Central Cee

Hopscotch by Tinashe

There Goes My Baby by Usher

The Star, King of Wands, Eight of Pentacles, Death, Date, Seduction, Not Today, Palm Tree, Destiny, True Gem, Friendship, & Open Relationship

This energy is so much fun I love it ☀️🍹! I see this pile really embodying good vibes and enjoying the summer fun, you will have such a great time!!! I feel this summer you want to focus on traveling and not be tied down to anyone - but just because you’re not interested in a relationship doesn’t mean you wouldn’t like to have sex 👀. I’m seeing you attending events like festivals or concerts. You could make friends with people from various places and diverse backgrounds. Your instagram story or reels will have people enthralled. You could have a lot of people lurking on your page. You might be considered a micro celebrity or you could be really popular on social media. There is someone who has the hots for you and could slide in your dms. This person could treat you with gifts or court you on dates. Do you have an onlyfans 😳? If not, this person wants to see your nudes. You could avoid this person because you don’t want to be in a relationship but this person will be down for anything you want. Seeing how they are adventurous and how much they’re willing on to go out on dates is going to draw you to them. This will most likely be a friends with benefits situation or an open relationship. They could have really nice hands or something about them turns you on 🥴. This person wants to grab your breasts while you ride them. They could be a very touchy person and could like to smack your ass when you walk past them. “Quit playing with me with them sundresses before I do something about it 😒”. Oh my god they are so sick 😂 they are literally so obsessed with you but act like they aren’t. I feel like you're a sick individual as well, are you walking around with sundresses and no panties just to tease them?! If this person is out of state or out of the country, they would personally fly you out to them just to have sex with them, ugh 😩. I’m seeing hotels, beaches, and champagne bottles. You both could really like to be lavish and fuck in exotic places 🏝️ city girls up one ⬆️💯

Pile 4:

Shufflemancy -

All The Time by Jeremih ft Lil Wayne & Natasha Mosley

Slut Me Out by NLE Choppa

Soaked by Shy Smith

Three of Wands, Page of Swords, Seven of Swords, The Hanged Man, Love Call, The Phoenix, I Like You, Mask, Triangle, Fun Times, & Passion

Ummm it’s giving the Challenger?! You could be involved in some sort of throuple. You have optionssss, pile 4. There are two energies here that are prominent here in this reading. You could be seeing two people at once and will be trying to decide who’s better (…why not both). You’re keeping your game face on and not letting your guard down so easily, you will really make them work for it. You are going to attract people with your beauty and will receive a lot of love confessions this summer. People could message you or call you to ask you out or telling you how much they like you. For some of you, please do not play with people’s heart or if you are in a relationship - do not cheat!!! Have fun but do not play with fire if you can’t take the heat, pile 4. The sex you will have will be passionate and pleasurable. I’m seeing you being the more dominant one in the relationship, you will say what you like and don’t like very clearly. I feel that you will be a detached in comparison to the people you will go out with. There is a fear of letting your guard down or feel that love isn’t something capable for you. You are deserving of love as long as you believe so. Try to let loose and let people see the happy and playful side of yours! It’s ok to like someone romantically, smile and flirt! 🫠 I’m seeing that the person you will have sex with could have a big 🍆 or someone will have a strap on😳. People will literally be on their knees for it and will beg to have sex with you. You don’t give your body to just anyone and you put yourself on a pedestal! Good luck to those who wish to have sex with you because it will be a long game of sexy torture.

Pile 5:

Shufflemancy -

These Walls by Kendrick Lamar

Jump by Tyla ft Gunna & Skillibeng

Options by Doja Cat ft JID

The Magician, Queen of Wands, Two of Pentacles, Eight of Cups, Girl Talk, Lightning, Heartbroken, Healthy Choices, Ice King, & Karma

When Tinashe said “I’ve been a nasty girl” I know sure as hell she was talking about you!!! Pile 5, this is wild 😂. I’m seeing toys and vibrators, you and this person will not care about the when’s, ifs, and buts. This person could be older than you or more experienced and wish to show you the ropes. For some of you there will be a big age gap with you and this person. They find you to be so hot and just are in love with your curves. Some of you could have long hair or currently have extensions (especially braids). They want to wrap your hair around their wrists when you kiss 🥴. They like when you wear body glitter or when your skin glistens in the sun. They find your décolletage area so sexy. Titty fucking 😔? They could like when you throw it back when you fuck - doggy style? You could call your friends about the sex you have with this person when they're gone 🤣. Just being messy and silly on the phone lol. As the relationship progresses you will notice a shift or change in the dynamic. You will have to decide whether or not this relationship should continue or not. This person could want to settle down and take things more seriously, while you could still be concerned about your future.This person desires to be married with children while you could still be young and wanting to explore in life. Omg- I’m getting pregnancy scare for some of you. Please make sure to use protection when having sex with them. You could find this person addicting and could please you in all the right ways but may not find them to be a suitable partner or compatible romantically. You have to decide whether or not, you will walk away from this person to pursue a career, or be disappointed you walked away from it all. Remember to make choices with your brain and not just your heart and coochie😂.

Pile 6

Shufflemancy -

One Love by Monsta X

Just One Nite by Cassie

Somethin Tells Me by Bryson Tiller

Nine of Pentacles, Ace of Wands, The Sun, Six of Pentacles, The Chaser, Separation, Coffee Cup, Ascending, Wallflower, New Love, & Courting

I feel this pile is younger or just more inexperienced. You could have not been in a relationship before or just intimate with others in general. You have a really soft and delicate nature to you, pile 6! You could feel that you’re not as sexy in comparison to other people but you can be just as sexy despite being shy or less experienced. You could have an issue with attachment or become clingy in your romantic pursuits. Pull back a little from the people you are attracted to. If you would allow people to come to you, you will see that you have more romantic interests than you may realize. You could currently have a crush on someone but this person does not give the same energy back. There is someone who finds you to be so pretty and cute, they feel protective over you. They find your energy sweet and sincere. They could wish to take you on a date and take a less traditional approach of dating. They could invite you to hang out with their friends or ask you to go for bubble tea or take you to the movies. This person could be inexperienced as well, they might have only had 1 or 2 partners that were long term relationships. They want to be respectful towards you but they do fantasize being with you sexually as well. Omg🫠🥰 this person is a talkerrr. They are the type to definitely talk you through it. “Is this okay?” “Am I making you feel good, baby?”. You could be someone who’s submissive sexually and they would find your whimpers and moans soooo sexy, it’s a major turn on for them. Your face in particular is their favorite. Ahegao? I'm seeing flushed cheeks, teary eyes, and your mouth being wide open. Your lips look so kissable to this person. For some of you, you and this person could have sex in either yours or their parent's house or in a dorm with their roommates there. They will try to keep you quiet by either kissing you, covering your mouth with their hand, or having you suck their fingers. They could ask you to make eye contact with them during it or not to look away. 😳 this person likes missionary, I mean legs over the shoulders missionary. They could find your nipples cute, especially if they’re pierced 💀? Enjoys playing with them. They want to cum with you at the same time, ugh I’m getting butterflies 🦋 😩. They would love it if you would grasp at their arms, dig your nails into their muscles, or tug on their hair, anything to let them know they’re doing a good job. They want to give you everything or be your first everything. I’m seeing flowers and stuffed animals, they like to see you smile and become joyful when they’re around. This person could heal a part of your inner child that felt rejected and not wanted, you will feel really protected and at home with them 🥹😭🩷 (brb as I go cry this is so pure and wholesome).

Pile 7:

Shufflemancy -

One Kiss by Dua Lipa

Feels Like by Nao

Strip by Chris Brown ft. Kevin McCall

Two of Wands, Three of Swords, The World, Queen of Swords, Sunglasses, Abundance, Cassette, Hand of Cards, Communication, & Long Distance

This feels like a long distance relationship to me. I’m getting cyber sex? 👀 maybe you and this person will meet online or through a dating app and things will get spicy from there 😚. This person really wants a whole show - they want you to strip for them on camera and show them what you could do. This person could like seeing you dance, are you a stripper, pile 7? I feel like you guys could know how to pole dance or the way your body moves just really entices this person, they can’t get enough of you. This person likes to take risks. They want to rip your clothes off! If you were to wear lingerie or buy stockings they’d want it off immediately, they might even just cut it off if you’re into that 👀. They like to sex to be a little risky, pull out method 💀. They could enjoy casinos, clubs, or any place that allows you to give into your vices. They could be into role play as well, pretending that you don’t know each other in public places and flirting. No offense, pile 7, but I feel like your partner will be corny LMFAOOOO. I feel like they watch too many movies (especially the x rated kind). You could find it entertaining though and just go along with it. You might be disappointed at the lack of romance during sex sometimes though, they could also cum fast. You could want them to be more romantic and this is something you would have to personally teach them (rip). They could be younger or more inexperienced than you while you are the more experienced/older one. They are more romantic via text and could show love by sending you words of affirmations or cute videos that remind you of them. You will really be cared for and admired by this person but to the best of their ability, they aren't exactly sure how to show affection. They have their ways that are a bit immature, but with patience the relationship could go however you want it. You have full control in this relationship, so do what you will with that information 👀.

Pile 8:

Shufflemancy -

Players by Coi Leray

Hot by Pia Mia

Regardless by Naomi Sharon

Ace of Swords, Three of Pentacles, Knight of Cups, Ace of Pentacles, Keys On A Ring, Love, The Butterfly, Passion, Past Love, & Union

I see that you have been looking for a new fling, pile 8. You could been in a on and off relationship or dating someone who you break up with and fall in love with again. You could often find yourself telling people that your relationship with this person is “complicated” or “we’re just talking”. This person could be wanting to avoid labels and you’re tired of having your heart strings being pulled. I see you putting yourself first this summer by realizing you have a choice in this relationship and do not need to feel stuck in this loop. You deserve so much better, pile 8! I see you making the necessary changes needed in your life and clearing out old energy by either cleaning your home and making way for new partners. I see some of you will be manifesting your dream partner by either visualizing how they interact with you or “hearing” what you would like them to say by responding to scenarios in your head. I see as you take care of yourself and seek other options romantically, this will make your current partner or past ex SOOOOO jealous! They’re going to feel threatened and worried you will walk away from them for good. I see them making an effort and wanting to get you back. Whatever the case might be, don’t let yourself fall into old patterns when you could attract a relationship that is so much better. If the relationship is worth working on, then so be it, but if it is not serving you for your highest good, then please walk away from this person! I also see someone else coming who will absolutely adore you. They are very charming and I’m hearing a lot of laughter. You and this person together could have a good time laughing and this will how they seduce you. This person is going to give you butterflies omg 😩. They could just be like “okay when we can stop joking and get to the bedroom 👀😈”. When you first meet this person, you could just pass each other everyday, and have brief conversations. This could be someone you meet in your daily routine, perhaps at a coffee shop or when you’re leaving from work. You could have long hair or something about your hair looks attractive to this person, they could want to pull on it and give you back shots 👀. There could be a size difference between you and this person but they will absolutely love it! Whether you or them are short/tall, slim, thick, etc, they’re willing to make it work 😂. You will have to decide between a partner who is humorous and flirtatious and a person who is more tender and old fashioned or this could mean your future partner has both qualities. The relationship has potential for long term commitment.

Pile 9

Shufflemancy -

Kisses Down Low by Kelly Rowland

Praise Jah In The Moonlight by YG Marley

He In His Feelings by Rubi Rose

Three of Cups, Eight of Wands, Knight of Swords, Nine of Wands, Stabbed In The Back, Boat, The Runner, Clock, Gossip, & Short-Term

You will be very popular this summer, pile 9! You are going to develop a social group that will be able to show your more feminine side and alluring qualities. I see you taking a trip or vacation with some close friends. You could meet someone while on vacation and they are going to come in QUICK. It might make you weary when you first meet this person because you could not want to focus on being in a relationship right now or don’t want wish to interact with someone romantically when you’re supposed to be spending time together with your friends. Some of the people in your circle could be jealous of you and the attention you attract. Please be careful and protect yourself energetically and physically when traveling with certain people! Especially if you’re still getting to know someone. You could find this friend or acquaintance of yours flirting with the person you like and they are going to be totally turned off by their behavior. I see you going “lol you tried it hoe”. The person who you will be dating this summer is very logical and not easily swayed. They are attracted to intelligence and skill. They could find some of the people in your friend group airheaded or not on your level, they might only enjoy the company of your closest friends but would avoid the rest all together if they could. I don’t see your relationship with this person being long term given the circumstances but you will enjoy their company outside of the drama in your friend group. They could allow you to unwind at their place and give the relaxation you need ☺️. This person could be good with their hands, I see them giving you back massages, or even rubbing your feet with oil. They find your shoulders, back, thighs, and feet in particular very attractive. I also see them liking your lips. They want to bite your bottom and give you slow, tongue kisses. I’m hearing “Ooo, you nasty😝” this person could be more serious while you are more playful. You really intrigue this person and find them catching themselves doing things out of their nature. They feel they are able to have fun and be their true self around you. I’m hearing “got a white boy on my roster, he be feeding me shrimp and lobster”. You could enter an interracial relationship or you and this person could be different in a lot of ways but it works for the both of you (whether economically, personality, culture, or age). Despite you only getting to be with this person for a short time, they will want to be able to see you again and find you really fascinating 🥰!

[ghostofhyuck]

NCT Dream when you give them a promise ring.

Mark Lee

Mark would so so EXCITED when during a random dinner date, you grabbed something from your purse and you placed a small velvet box on the table. Mark will be like, "woah...what is this, is this????" and when he opens it and sees a golden band, he'll exclaim loudly. "It's a promise ring," you explained to him, showing the ring that you're wearing at the moment. He'll be happy to wear it and even during his performances, Mark will never take it off. 

Huang Renjun

The fun was spoiled because Renjun found the ring hidden on your drawer. He acts like he knows nothing and would wait for you to give it to him. It took you two weeks to muster up the courage to give him the ring and it was before their concert. Renjun was very very flustered and embarrassed because he was caught off-guard!! But he accepted it, gave you a loving kiss, and wore the ring throughout the whole concert. You even saw him kissing his ring finger while performing "Teddy Bear." 

Lee Jeno

Jeno's inner puppy will unleash when during a picnic date, you grabbed the velvet box from the picnic basket and placed it on the palm of his hands. He'll look at it and then looks at you, and then looks at it again. When he opens it, his heart will start beating fast and he never felt this emotion before. He thinks that this is what it feels like when he gives you gifts. He'll be amazed by the feeling and would be happy because the ring fits him perfectly. 

Lee Donghyuck

When Haechan saw that you grabbed a box from your purse, opened it and revealed a ring, he'll whine loudly. He'll be so dramatic by the fact that YOU bought a ring for him and not the other way around. He did have plans of buying you a promise ring but you were faster. He'll go over it for an hour until you closed the box and he have to snatch it away from you and wear it by himself. 

Na Jaemin

Jaemin will be confused when he found a small paperbag on top of your drawer. When he opened it, it's a velvet box with a ring on it. He'll be filled with jealousy, who the hell gave you a ring!? That's why he went to the kitchen and confront you about it. That's when you realized that you forgot to hide the ring, and you have to explain to your boyfriend that the ring is FOR HIM actually and you were planning to give it to him during your anniversary. Jaemin will be like, :O "Oh." but proceeds to wear it anyway, smiling widely because it fits his ring finger. 

Zhong Chenle

The setup wasn't romantic but you just felt like giving Chenle the ring over dinner at his place. He'll open the box and will be surprise to see the ring. Then he stands up from his seat and leaves you alone, that's when you started to get nervous because you're afraid that you have offended your boyfriend. But minutes later, he returns, holding the same box as yours, and when you open it, it's the same ring that you gave him. "I was supposed to give you one," he sulks. You could only laugh and kiss him to make it up to him. In the end, the two of you wore each other's ring. 

Park Jisung

You planned to tease your boyfriend and decided to give him the promise ring during a walk on the beach. The place is pretty crowded and as you two are walking while the sun goes down, you went to your knees, grabs the box from your pocket, and opens it. Jisung's eyes went wide and it didn't sink in what you just did. Poor chick will stop for minute, he was literally frozen from where he was standing. You have to call him out so that he can response and with head low, embarrassed, he'll accept it and will give you a big hug and kiss after you stand up. 

[midmourn]

break ups with nct dream

♡ nct dream ﹒ gender neutral!reader genre angst warnings break ups, unhealthy coping, insecurities, some members dont think of themselves very highly, unintentional manipulation maybe ?? ( library )

mark who can’t stop pretending like everything’s fine. mark who is for once thankful of his busy schedule. because when his mind isn’t preoccupied, he finds it always going back to you. now, you only come to his mind late at night when he’s about to fall asleep only to wake up in four hours for yet another schedule. there’s a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realizes the heartbreak is just as fresh as it was the moment it happened. thinks he let you go to easy but also respects you too much to argue. at this time, he’d be too busy talking to you on the phone to fall asleep. something he used to momentarily regret the next day, but now something he yearns for. he turns around and begs hypos to let him sleep.

renjun who wants to scream at the world and god and ask why is this happening. renjun who refuses to talk about it. he doesn’t understand what happened. he thought you guys were doing perfectly fine. you seemed happy, anyway. he can’t tell if he was just too blind to see that you actually were unhappy or if you were just a good actor. he finds himself thinking about what you’re doing, even when he’s busy. he misses you so bad that he’s so angry that you left. he gets even angrier when he sees you with another guy a couple weeks later. but he’s more angry at himself for letting you go. he thinks it’s easier to be angry than upset.

jeno who cries and then gets his emotions out at the gym. jeno who hits the punching bag so hard it manages to fall off the chain. he moves onto the wall next. he ignores the concerned stares from others about the bruises and split knuckles, but is the exact same otherwise. he thinks he’s doing okay, getting his emotions out in the form of his fists, because at least he’s still doing what he needed to do, right? he’s fine, he swears. when he’s laying in bed alone, he can’t help but wonder what you’re up to and type up a message that accidentally seems too much like a booty call. u up? wyd?

haechan who doesn’t have the energy to be his normal self. haechan who is too quiet, blends in with the walls when he’s normally the life of the party. his voice is literally hoarse from crying and begging you to stay for so long. he sends countless messages to you, enough to the point where you blocked him. people wonder where he is only to find out he’s been right next to them the entire time, thoughts consuming him. he spends time overthinking every decision he made in the last six months that led you to break up with him. he can’t find one. it must be him, though. you’d never break up with him without a reason, right? he wasn’t good enough for you, so he has to be better. and with that, he gets off his ass and forces himself into the conversation. he will be better, for you.

jaemin who is so mature when you bring it up. jaemin who doesn’t cry or act like he’s upset about it in front of others. people think he never loved you with the way he acts. that couldn’t be far from the truth. the only way he’ll grieve over your relationship is in his room, alone, with his babies. he accepts your decision, but the what if’s consume his thoughts. what if he hadn’t done that one thing you got angry at him for? what if he hadn’t missed your anniversary date? but he knows he was a good boyfriend, too. he doesn’t think he’ll ever get over you, doesn’t want to, but he knows he has to. he can only hope that you two will find each other later in life.

chenle who fights harder than he’s ever fought. chenle who wants to work it out. ultimately, you win. he cannot help but be a little bit pissed on how difficult you’re being, how you refuse to talk it out and avoid him. he doesn’t even know what happened. he doesn’t think you’re going to stay broken up so he doesn’t even bother shedding a tear. he thinks it’ll be something you two will laugh and then bicker about in fifty years. thinks you’re trying to make him jealous when you try to move on, and it works. doesn’t think before finally cornering you. he gave you your space, now it’s time for you to give him the answers he wants.

jisung who doesn’t understand the concept of space. jisung who has attachment issues. he’ll text you “good morning” and “good night” and tell you about his day without thinking about it because it’s like a routine for him by now. feels so bad and accidentally makes you feel bad for him with his countless apologies. will tweet about you on his priv and forget you’re still on there. doesn’t even want to think about you moving on, and him moving on is out of the question. he truly thought you were his soulmate, but he wanted you to come back to him in your own terms. he’ll spend forever making it up to you, anyway.

[ohmygs-blog]

an insight into a relationship w the dreamies.

౨ৎ boyfriend texts !!

cold gf showing affection.

dreamies reaction to insta pic.

“what are we?”

“do you still like me?”

dreaming about another member.

picking you up from work.

dreamies spoiling you.

telling dreamies drama.

“sex can fix that.”

“i want a baby”

“my ex just texted me..”

showering together.

seeing the barbie movie without you.

using dreamies card by accident.

dreamies asking you if they can go out.

begging you to come back into bed.

౨ৎ cute and fluffy texts !!

short and sweet messages.

first “i love yous.”

international kissing day.

anonymous complimenting you.

texts after first date.

long distance relationship.

dreamies with baby fever.

catching dreamies staring at you.

“when do i look the prettiest to you?”

cute bday messages.

shyly asking you on a date.

acts of service / cute moments.

౨ৎ angsty texts !!

ignoring dreamies after a fight.

arguing with dreamies.

thinking dreamies are losing feelings.

first texts after breaking up.

asking bff dreamies for date advice.

give bff dreamies a chance.

“you could’ve been nicer to me.”

complaining about you to friends.

౨ৎ nsfw + jealously texts !!

dirty texts i.

dirty texts ii.

dirty texts iii.

“ass or tits?”

sending dirty meme.

distracting dreamies w a dirty pic.

jealous + possessive dreamies.

jealous + whiny dreamies.

being possessive over dreamies.

faking an orgasm.

wet dream abt bff dreamies.

dreamies + ur short skirt.

drunk texting dreamies.

dressing up for the grocery store.

jealous fwb dreamies.

౨ৎ funny + prank texts !!

loading screen prank.

sending dirty meme.

calling dreamies by their name.

“she’s busy rn.”

happy anniversary to the first time we fucked.

“he just left lol come over.”

“i saw you cheating on me.”

“last night was amazing.. oops wrong person.”

flower bouquet prank.

can’t hangout this month prank.

miss being single prank.

“she’s sleeping.. tired her out ig.”

sending unhinged memes.

autocorrecting love to hate prank.

telling dreamies to unfollow someone.

“why are some of my panties missing?”

sending drake memes.

“you forgot :(“ prank.

not saying i love you back

“you could’ve been nicer to me”

failing at waxing

“you’d make the perfect ex husband”

“if we break up i’m getting back w my ex.”

dreamies pranking you.

you’re not mature enough

“happy anniversary to the first time we fucked.”

“i told you not to leave any marks on me.”

“gimme head or something pls.”

dreamies dreaming abt another girlfriend.

౨ৎ idol boyfriend texts !!

boyfriend texts. (inspired by “worldwide by big time rush)

boyfriend texts ii. (jealous over idol! gf mc partner)

exposing your relationship.

sending dreamies nct memes.

“what other dream member would i date?”

surprising members on tour.

members stopping in ur hometown during tour.

reacting to jaemin abs.

being jealous over idol! reader mc

supporting dreamies / going to concert

wearing another members clothes

౨ৎ miscellaneous messages !!

dreamies x gf! with braces.

dreamies x gf! athlete.

dreamies x gf! producer.

sexy halloween costumes w/o dreamies

cringey couple costumes

bff dreamies suggesting couple costumes

going to haunted house together

[haechani4ever]

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: gift✧

╰┈➤ what gift i think nct dream would give u

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋpairing ot7 x gn!reader

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋgenre fluff

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋnote hii everyone, ty for being so sweet to me and support muy last work. i love u so much 💗💗

✦➼mark lee

✦- mark obviously gives you necklaces. i feel like he would give you the most delicate thing he sees. i feel like he wouldn't do it often, he'll probably do it on special occasions like anniversaries and such. probably on an anniversary, when the relationship has been going on for a while, he'll give you a necklace with his initials on it. every time he sees you wearing it (almost always) he'll melt and give you the most foolishly lovesick smile he has.

✦➼huang renjun

✦- renjun isn't a type of guy who expresses his love with gifts, so what he'll be giving you are handwritten notes with pictures of the two of you. these are things he doesn't do often, only with you. he'll also give you some of his drawings, and obviously you'll be in a lot of those drawings.

✦➼lee jeno

✦- he probably gives you matching clothes. he probably gives you everything that can be had that matches. from clothes to mugs and probably key chains too. it's funny how most of your belongings are now matched since you two started dating. he just wants to make sure that the world knows that you are his and he is yours.

✦➼lee donghyuck

✦- i think haechan really loves giving perfumes as gifts. we've already seen that he likes to give things to the people he loves, so you're no exception. im sure every month or two he'll show up with a bag in his hand and give it to you. he will say he just saw it and thought you'd like it, but in reality he'd been thinking about the perfect gift for weeks before finally deciding.

✦➼na jaemin

✦- just a guy who spoils you too much. he'll buy you anything, seriously, anything. at least every two weeks he shows up with at least one box of chocolates in his hands. he's willing to go bankrupt so you can be happy and spoiled. when you say it wasn't necessary, he just shuts you up by telling you that you deserve it.

✦➼zhong chenle

✦- boy who spoils you part 2. he just can't resist, his love language is giving gifts. he does everything for your smile, he loves to see you happy with what he bought you. he'll probably tell you to try it on if he bought you clothes. he'll also tell you to wear it tonight because he probably scheduled a date for that night.

✦➼park jisung

✦- jisung is a guy who will make you things by hand. he probably saw the idea on tiktok and thought you would love it. he would spend hours in front of his desk cutting and sticking papers. the result is worth it even if it cost him all his effort, stress and how clean his desk was. he will give it to you when you go on a date hoping you will like it, which you obviously do.

[snowball-doie]

୨୧ Whiney Renjun ୨୧

| pairing: sub!Renjun x Dom!gn!Reader

| warnings: 18+ MDNI. NSFW link. Reader gets cuteness aggression for Renjun. Jerking off. Edging. Masturbation.

| wc: 2.3k

| aurora's note: welcome back, my sweet renjunnie <3

Renjun’s tendency to dress up nice for the airport never went unnoticed by anyone, honestly, but especially you. Every time he was leaving for something, he would wake up super early before he had to leave for his flight just so he could get all dolled up, and then whenever he would come back from his trips, he would be just as dolled up. You loved it. Watching him spend all that time getting ready, seeing the outcomes of his expensive fashion taste where he would be decorated in all kinds of pretty jewelry and sparkly makeup.

When your anniversary came around, Renjun was excited to spend it with you, until his company threw a schedule in Thailand at him for the weekend, leaving him with no time to see you like he expected. It was disappointing, truthfully. Spending your anniversary alone sucked… But things cheered up when you were scrolling through Twitter the following day to find pictures of Renjun circling around, everyone speculating where he was going alone and unscheduled while the other members of NCT Dream remained in Thailand for another interview they would have. You took note of his outfit. A loose, translucent black silk shirt that showed off his waist, and even his nipples; black slacks that hugged his ass and thighs well but were loose around his calves and hid his black leather boots. Honestly, people could’ve been fooled into thinking he was attending a funeral, if it weren’t for the fact that his shirt had a few buttons missing so that his long golden Chanel necklace was on display as it went down his heavage, mingling with other long gold chains and pearls. He looked handsome. But you didn’t understand where he was going, so you texted him an inquiry, asking if everything was alright. He didn’t reply. That was cause for concern, but you tried to believe that it was all because he was busy getting on his flight. Yeah, that was the answer.

You fell asleep while waiting for a reply from Renjun. It was an accident, you swear, so of course you were startled when you heard the front door of your apartment opening when, in your sleepy daze, you didn’t check your phone and immediately thought that someone was breaking in. However, just as you got up to find something to defend yourself with, you heard a familiar voice.

“I’m home!”

You froze. “Renjun?”

The sound of a roller bag being dragged across your apartment made you think about what happened before you fell asleep, how you saw those pictures of him at the airport, and that he never replied to your text… Was that why he got all dressed up? He left his schedules early to see you? Oh, you were gonna hurt him if that were the case— He knew better than to ditch work!

“Hi,” he greeted you with an excited bounce, his cheeks plump as his wide smile took over his face. “Happy anniversary.”

You jumped at him, flinging your arms around his neck, kissing him passionately while refusing to let go of him for even a millisecond. Renjun melted into your touch so easily. With his face nuzzled into the crook of your neck, he let out a relieved sigh, his entire chest pressed against yours so that you could feel how warm he was, and how he was shaking with excitement. He must’ve missed you a lot if he was vibrating in your arms like that.

“How was your flight?” you asked, petting the back of his long hair.

He hummed a positive tone to tell you, “It was good,” without actually saying it. That just wouldn’t do. So you tugged slightly on the ends of his hair to force his face out of the crook of your neck in order to get a good look at his rosy cheeks before grinning at him. He was so fucking pretty. Whenever he got flustered and excited, his face got red, and his eyes got heavy-lidded, and his lips would inevitably curl into a smile that he couldn’t hold back any longer.

“You look cute today. What did you get dressed up for?”

Renjun bit his lip in an attempt to stop himself from smiling. “For our anniversary.”

Your hands drifted around his body, feeling the way he stiffened in response, his soft tummy tightening when you tickled him slightly, his back shivering when you traced his spine, and his nipples getting hard under his sheer black shirt. “Silly boy, showing yourself off to the world just to get my attention.” Using your thumbs, you teased the very nipples that were poking out. “Did you know I’d see the pictures of you at the airport?” Renjun nodded vaguely. “Is that why you ignored my text?” He nodded again, gulping in fear of what you’d do since he’d been bad. “Mmm… I see… Well, let’s get a look at what you brought home for me, yeah?”

Renjun shivered as you began slowly unbuttoning his shirt, revealing the long chains of his necklace— But then you froze. Hidden beneath his outfit was a golden torso chain that was decorated with all kinds of bright jewels to make it really stand out as it coiled around his shoulders, wrapped around his chest, and tangled down over his belly button. You let out a quiet moan at the sight. He was truly the most gorgeous thing you’d ever seen.

“When did you get this?” you interrogated him.

“Before I left, when I thought I’d be here for our anniversary.”

“Why?”

“For you.”

To hide his embarrassment, Renjun quickly smashed his lips against yours, his own hands daring to encourage you to touch him by grabbing your wrists and leading you around his chest, your fingertips drifting over his nipples to pry a moan out of him before he had you trace the gold chains. You moaned back.

“My pretty boy…”

Renjun whined, driving his hips forward in order to rub against your body— You smirked when you felt his erection against your leg. He really, really did miss you, and he hadn’t even been gone that long! Fuck, he was fucking adorable.

“Take off your pants, sweet boy.”

So Renjun obeyed. His lips parted from yours in order to give him space to look down as he undid his belt before unbuttoning his black slacks so that they could naturally slide down his legs and fall onto the floor. You hesitated at the sight. No underwear… And the best part was, he was hiding black lace tights underneath. He’d been out in public like that, paparazzi and fans following him through the airport in Thailand and Korea. You thought that the worst of it was the sheer top, but no… Underneath all that, a secret surprise just for you, as an anniversary gift, was him truly dolled up head to toe.

Slowly, you crouched down, neglecting his cock that was standing upright already, your focus stayed glued to his thigh-high tights. “So fucking pretty…”

When you started running your hands up and down his legs slowly, Renjun’s breath shuddered. He reached out to hold onto your shoulders. His hands shook against you, his breathing uneven, hips continuing to drive forward in the hopes that you would touch his aching cock. But you didn’t. Instead, you kissed his bare thighs just above his tights.

“Fuck,” he cursed through a shuddered breath.

“You need me this bad?” Teasingly, you pressed the pad of your index finger against his tip, pulling away slowly to see his pre-cum sticking to your touch in a string that slowly fell with gravity before it stuck to his thigh. “Needy boy.”

To your surprise, Renjun grabbed your wrist and lifted you back up to your feet for another kiss that kept you distracted while he brought your hand to his cock, guiding you to slowly drag your fist down from his tip to the base. He let out a whine into your mouth. While you weren’t exactly happy with him thinking that he could make you do what he wanted, you decided to give him that one victory because your reward was the pretty sounds he made. Renjun was the most precious thing in the world— The most gorgeous being, the only one capable of making you melt with cuteness aggression that had you stepping around him so that the front of your body was pressed to his back, your lips moving from kissing him to drifting along his neck. He shivered. The hand he put on his cock continued to jerk him off torturously slow, despite his attempts to jerk your hand faster, so he whined and struggled against your chest, but you reached around with your free hand to hold his torso still, your fingers playing with the gold chains decorating his body.

While Renjun stilled against you to show his obedience, you began picking up your pace, grinning at the way he pathetically whined and tried his best to not fight against you. His hands left your wrist to grab your thighs instead. It felt so good to have him kneading your own body while you got him off. Shit, maybe you should’ve done something more to surprise him for your anniversary… There were a few ideas you had in mind for gifts, but now you were second guessing yourself, knowing you had to go above and beyond for him. This was a good start. Having him in your arms, his cock throbbing for you, your name rolling off his tongue with a chorus of whines.

“Please, please, please, let me cum, please!” He fucked into your hand desperately, chasing his high until you suddenly pulled away with an evil chuckle. Renjun whined as his cock jumped desperately for some kind of friction to get him off. “No, please!”

“I’m sorry, sweet boy,” you faked an apology with a teasing voice. “I’ll let you cum soon, I promise.”

He shook his head with pleading eyes. Not another one. He didn’t want to edge anymore, he just wanted to cum for you. How could you be so mean to him?

But it was that looking exactly that convinced you it was worth it to torture him because he looked so freaking adorable in the process. His big, sad, pleading eyes… His hands struggling to stay clasped behind his back… His cock dripping pre-cum all over the floor.

When you could tell that his edge passed, you slowly returned to touching him, slowly jerking him off just to get that cute reaction out of him where he closed his eyes and fell forward slightly while moaning your name. Attaboy. Your good boy.

“I’m already close…”

“I’ve barely touched you.”

“I can’t take much more.”

“Here,” you said, taking his hand and leading it to his cock, “make yourself cum for me.”

Renjun whimpered once more as he wrapped his gentle grip around his base before slowly pumping back and forth while you continued to palm his tip. He didn’t hold back— Not like you did. While you had taken your time with him, finding it fun to tease and edge him, Renjun chased his orgasm as quick as he could because it felt so good after all that torture, and with you still behind him while you played with his sensitive nipples.

“Maybe we should get clamps for these.” You pinched them gently. “Have one of the pretty ones with a chain hanging between them to match the rest of you.”

Renjun whined with a nod of agreement.

“You’d like that?”

He kept nodding.

“What if I made you wear them under sweatshirts when we’d go out with your friends, hmm? They’d never know how dirty you are… That you like it when I play with you and embarrass you.”

He turned his face away from you so that you couldn’t see his blush, but you knew him better than that. You had every detail of him memorized. So he could hide from you, sure, that made it even more cute because he thought he could actually get away with it.

“Go faster.”

Renjun’s hand pumped as fast as he could go, his moans getting quicker and louder before the inevitable happened. His head fell forward in defeat before he croaked, “Please… May I cum?”

Holding him steady in your arms so that he wouldn’t fall over like he had a tendency to do, you bit his ear lobe and whispered to him, “Cum for me.”

Renjun let out a gasp as he finally let go. All that excitement and build up of coming home to surprise you while wearing his new gifts for you, then having you tease and edge him until he was nothing but a whining mess, it finally crashed down on him. He shook in your arms, his legs giving out beneath his weight. Thankfully, because you knew him better than anyone, your hold on his body kept him upright, and he didn’t have to worry about keeping his footing since you had such a firm and steady grip. All he had to do was focus on cumming. And that he did. He sounded and looked so fucking pretty as his cum shot out onto the floor then dribbled down onto his black thigh highs.

“They look cute stained with your cum, sweet boy.”

Renjun was embarrassed by it, but there was nothing to do about it while you continued to hold him and his orgasm kept him preoccupied.

“Okay, okay,” you cooed lovingly, prying his pumping fist away from his drained and overstimulated cock. “You did good, baby, I’m proud of you.” With a kiss to his neck, you led him to the bed so that he could sit down. “Catch your breath.”

But Renjun stood up on his shaky legs, his cum stained hands grabbing onto your shirt for stability as he kissed you passionately. Both of you were smiling as he mumbled something about having the best anniversary ever. You were just relieved that he was there with you— Sex aside, having Renjun home was the best feeling in the world, and you couldn’t wait to baby and tease him until his next schedule out of the country.

taglist: @henderysposts @trash-number-one @jaeminnanaaa17 @hyuckrec

@oonyourmmark @queeenarii @notbasickpopie @lov--vey @zozojella

[mins-fins]

beyond the moon !

"you aren't about to lose such a worthy position to some hunky nepo baby".

synopsis: breaking news: the worst possible person you know is actually more than half decent in bed. of course, it's an easy slam dunk. you will begrudgingly admit that jaemin is pretty nice on the eyes—even if he has the personality of a barbed wire. it's a match made on this soul sucking earth. it's only a little perfect.

pairing: na jaemin x male!reader

genre: alternative universe, main hospital scenery, somewhat grey's anatomy fusion, interns the fic, strangers to rivals to rivals who hookup to friends who hookup to lovers, fluff, some angst, slightly suggestive tones, humor, crazy ass pining that's barely realized until 10k words in, some background relationships that provide other drama

warnings: swearing, explicit language, so many mentions of sex, almost tiptoes into borderline smut like five times, sexual humor, reader and jaemin are both equally emotionally underdeveloped and horny, drinking, the impending stress of the medical field, mentions of death, a bunch of medical jargon you probably don't care about, mentions of surgical procedures, some blood.. i think thats it

word count: 16.7k

notes: hello, merry christmas, happy one year anniversary to my hyuck work which started my whole nct saga on tumblr.. im afraid i am very mentally ill 😓 so!! surgeon jaemin!! originally surgeon jaemin was a serial killer but then i lost wave of that draft over the summer and i tried to do it again 😚 this was half based on early greys anatomy because why the fuck is that show so long and um my own life lowkey?? ofc im not sleeping with my fellow interns but i have seen too much of a hospital i have begun to see the white corridors in my fucking dreams.. save me please life has not treated isa mins-fins well 😭😭 and NO dont listen to user junjiie this is not a self insert i swear!! im still going to the hospital later today soooooooo i lost anyway 🤷‍♂️ lowercase intended as usual and last long work of the year 💖

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 1: do ethics matter when the dick is good? (hyperbole.. actually not)

frankly, it began on a mundane tuesday.

well as mundane as a tuesday for you could be, a week following getting dumped would typically be dedicated to mourning but guleum grace hospital is equally as busy each particular day. you did not underestimate the sheer amount of regular patrons at hospitals, your internship was all about that in fact, pouring your blood sweat and tears into some amateur surgery you had about a twenty five percent chance on performing correctly, however, any chance was any chance.

it isn’t as if you were some lunatic brisked with insanity who valued his work in an irregular fashion, you’d surmise that you were a regular workaholic, the epitome of an overworked medical student stereotype, it all sucked the soul out of you, though your scrubs remained spotless and the eye bags stuck in a much acquainted manner.

unfortunately, your heart attack inducing student debt won’t allow for you to simply quit, neither will your pride, your extent of competitiveness, and your bright need to prove your overbearing parents wrong.

getting into a deathly inviting internship program is enough, what’s shit is surviving, and surviving would be easy if not added on by such a nuisance.

what nuisance? you may ask, well the nuisance that so happens to b—

“present the case l/n”.

you somehow retain your sigh, if the distress is displayed through any means of visibility then doyoung merely doesn’t give a shit. “uh— samuel lawson, fifty two, has been in and out of hospitals four times in the last three months with complaints of sporadic, mild to moderate pain in his chest. we picked up on a heart murmur and his echo showed left ventricular hypertrophy with a repolarization abnormality”.

“what would you recommend?”

“the best course of action is to replace his aortic valve with a porcine valve and prescribe anticoagulants to improve the prognosis”.

“good, and why do we want to pay attention to his kidneys in this situation?”

“his kidneys?” you echo, former exhaustion manifesting in the unscathed widening of your eyes. there’s a whistle, lee donghyuck opting to feign forgetfulness to your very presence, as if he even knows the answer.

you aren’t as easily absentminded, you’ve been hard of thinking recently, read all those printed words yet none of them stuck to the confines of your brain. there’s then a sigh, you initially assume from doyoung, but of course it isn’t.

“ah dr na, how kind of you to join us, perhaps you could remind me of the answer?”

arms folded over his chest, jaemin doesn’t miss a beat. “since his heart isn’t functionally effective his kidneys work as a compensatory mechanism, we’ll need to take increased renin and aldosterone secretions into account when considering general anesthesia and how soon he can go into surgery”.

“i see somebody has been doing their homework” you graciously avoid his eyes, glowering in jaemin’s direction as he offers a meager eyebrow raise. “good job na, you’ll definitely be scrubbing in”.

you pray for his early death.

it’s a seamless lesson whilst interning, competition is everything; you love competition, you live for it even, and na jaemin just so happens to be the nuisance which troubles your every week.

it’s something to even survive your first year of interning, let alone in time for when the seven year residency rolls around. only the best become surgeons, a perfectly manufactured system that is definitely not flawed and has most likely not been the cause of many related mental breakdowns.

you’ve had some undisclosed issues out with na jaemin since the beginning of your program, his awareness manifests in his knowing glances, if swiping cases from under your feet and making your life as hellish as possible is equated to diverting entertainment, na jaemin is elated. at least he has the familial connections to ensure the acclaim, the regarded son of na kiwoo, one of the most well revered orthopedic surgeons in the country. now you aren’t petty enough to spew the claim that na jaemin is bad at his job, he isn’t, however, you are petty enough to state the fact that him getting extra time to redo the practical board exam would’ve never been granted to anybody not with the same fucking last name.

and you suppose somebody else could also reign as worthy competition, but you’re conceited, unabashed in the likeness of your own smarts, you didn’t brave the trenches of medical school to lose such a worthy position to some hunky nepo baby.

~

it’s about half past twelve when huang renjun stumbles into the on-call room.

“you drinking on the job?”

he glares, you smile, there’s something concerning his anger which gets a satisfying kick out of you. you were sat at a desk, overloading on coursework you’d give not even a mere glance toward once you got home, the placid diagrams of human arteries burned into your brain. you spent most of your day, resounding to most of your shift, hanging about downstairs in the E.R, handling skimpy stitches from those who couldn’t help but do something idiotic on a saturday morning. who knew? you’re aware dr. kim probably holds a much lowered opinion of you; however, you still preserve hope that he’ll allow you to scrub in on that upcoming LVAD replacement he has scheduled for later in the week.

“can you believe who got to scrub in on that corpus callosotomy?” his undertone indicated irritation, you did not have to take a glance backward, you could distinctly picture the snuggle frown tugging at his lips.

“can i buy a vowel?”

your response earns a hefty scoff, the ghost of a smile lingers as you take in his much visible exasperation. it appears he wants to look intimidating, but his docile like features do not sell such a point home. “kim wonil, can you believe it!?”

“oh really?” you click your tongue, the raise of an eyebrow paired with the raise of a nearby head, it’s lee jeno’s, you make out. “wow, maybe i should start sleeping with mark lee too”.

“well it’s not like anyone knows if they’re sleeping together— he’s basically just his protégé” what a gentleman lee jeno is, feigning unawareness at the whole thing.

“uh huh, me when i’m fucking the only attending neurosurgeon” you seethe. “seriously, you think he’s taking any under the table offers?”

“you’re an asshole”.

you simply blow renjun a kiss.

whilst renjun may be adamant on the whole civilized pursuit, you would say that sleeping with one of your bosses basically equates to getting favored treatment, you suppose your wavelength on that won’t ever change. “is that coursework?”

your eyebrows raise once renjun leans over your shoulder, you don’t make an effort to nod your head. “that’s coursework, what the fuck are you doing?”

“i’m not about to have a splitting headache at home, trying to keep my sanity intact, you know”.

“more like wither your sanity— oh, hey jaemin”.

“hi” jaemin allows renjun the decorum of a smile, because for some reason renjun is the only other intern he has the gall to treat in the manner of a regular human being. he settles in the bed across from you with a look and doesn’t even try a glance in your direction, muttering a small greeting to jeno.

“do you want ibuprofen? i have some in my locker” renjun mutters softly.

you wave a dismissive hand. “no, i’m seriously about to max out on painkillers right now”.

“maybe it’s a tumor” jaemin unexpectedly adds, he doesn’t look up from a book.

“you wish”.

“i do”.

“it could be a caffeine headache” jeno helpfully reckons from where he is across the room, leaning up on his elbows to give you a sympathetic look.

“or the stress” renjun decides. “or your just sleepy because of the stress, i’m getting tired because of the stress” he then makes his way over to the dormant bed and flops right onto it.

“tumor~”.

“why the fuck do you care?”

“i most certainly do not”.

“drop dead asshole”.

“guys..” jeno weakly begins, glancing between you two as if silently picking a side.

“sorry” you feel little remorse towards the tumor hopeful fuckface, simply for everybody else. “the exhaustion is making me mean”.

it appears that a nearby zhong chenle utters the insult of you’re always mean somewhere above you, and then the room grows claustrophobic for you in about five more seconds.

when your chair emits a high pitched screech, renjun’s head rises. “where are you going?”

“gonna find something to do”.

then you shuffle out of the on-call room, feigning ignorance at na jaemin’s continuous stare.

~

later that week, the one person you observe when you walk into the on-call room on wednesday for your mid-shift nap is na jaemin, the current bane of your existence. you’ve been bumping shoulders in the O.R for the past week, and you’re beginning to think that the world is attempting to kill you early, those mystifying forces rambled about in storybooks manifesting whenever his name happens to appear in your mind.

you pause once you step in, meeting his eyes for a charged second before clenching your teeth, they’ll probably begin bleeding soon. you starkly consider backing out, but you can’t surrender your pride to this guy, that would be letting him win, so you sigh and lean your back against the door.

“i’m just here to sleep,” you voice. “waving my white flag”.

“you should be thanking me”.

you’re baffled. “excuse me?”

“i’ve saved your ass like twice this week, god kim would’ve literally eaten you alive if i weren’t around”.

your mouth dries up, jaemin seemingly revels in such a factor, swinging his legs sideways and out of the bed. “you’re terrible under pressure it’s a wonder you even made it through medical school”.

your left eye twitches, the one singular time you try to be civil, he just— he just decides to..?

“you’re so infuriating and arrogant and selfish—“

“oh really? love it when you talk down on me..”

“and you’re so— annoying god why does everyone like you? i hate you, hate you and your stupid privilege and i couldn’t care less what you think because you’re a fucking suck up! stop backing me up if it makes you so mad”.

jaemin then blinks, slow. “finished now?”

“yes” you drop your arms at the side, breathing having gone shallow as pure fury swirled in your ribs. you hate what jaemin does to you, whatever the fuck this is and why is the rooms temperature skyrocketing? that should be impossible in a hospital of all places, but you shouldn’t give it much thought because jaemin will probably begin over analyzing the singular movements of your facial expressions.

you hate feeling like you’re losing, you feel like your losing even if there’s no prevalent competition, it’s just.. jaemin.

that’s really why.

“good” jaemin replies. “i hope you don’t mind”.

and when he pushes you up against the door you think exactly three specific things in the second it takes for him to do that. 1; jesus this guy goes to the gym how the fuck are his forearms so huge? how is he finding time to hit the gym with such a consistent shift? 2; you should’ve gotten more words in cause oh he got the last laugh, and 3; you suddenly remember you never followed up on that post-op for patient 3109– but then all of those thoughts fly out the window when jaemin leads forward to kiss you.

na jaemin is kissing you, full on lips, hands-on-your-waist kissing you, and all you can do is suck in a breath as you then release a soft sound.

jaemin is ridiculously good at this, all soft despite his rough edges, how funny. he pulled off, taking your bottom lip with him before diving back in.

“i meant everything i said” you pant, even as jaemin pressed you further into the door and your arms wrapped around his shoulders in an effort to continue. you exchanged in a similar manner, frenzied and practically leaning half of him backward with your sheer force.

“i know” he grunts, so effortless in all he does, thumb finding the gap in your uniform which he very much decided to exploit. “but you want me anyway..”

“fuck you”.

so smart y/n, you’re getting into heaven with that one—

he chuckles as he mouths against your neck, light open mouthed kisses along your jaw, tugging at your shirt which acted as an obstacle. “that’s the goal”.

“smart ass”.

“well..”

it was the first and only time.

it actually should’ve been the first and only time, but then again, your decision making is particularly fuzzy.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 2: he’s a hotshot, so unfortunately a hotshot..

you’d been skilled enough to pick out your friends at guleum grace hospital on your first day. frankly you had met a good chunk at the intern mixer the hospital had held a week before you were all due to start, but you were the slightest bit nervous with the whole before day apprehension. lee jeno was an easy one, his timidly boyish attitude made for good company, smile replicated by his eyes as he hung around the refreshments table. he laughed at every single one of your jokes, he was sympathetic to your family predicament, much too familiar with such a thing.

lee donghyuck was similarly not a struggle, he seemingly mirrored many of the traits you found stuck to you and carried around throughout your turbulent adulthood. he clung to your side and assigned you the duty as his titular “person”, whatever that meant.

then there was huang renjun.

it isn’t as if he was unapproachable, per say, he was simply perpetual to consistent avoidance. he exchanged regular smiles yet didn’t divulge any further, somewhat unfriendly and argumentative, especially when donghyuck got on his nerves.

trivially, the only true reason you two became friends is because you assisted him in vomiting up his guts after he’d got a lashing for a mistake in the earlier days. your hand remained on the small of his back for the entire fifteen minutes, and when he finished unleashing his true extent of vulnerability upon you, he threatened you to keep your mouth shut, that threat just so happens to be the bow which ties the knot to your relationship.

renjun is able to refer to the patients as the human beings they are, sensitive and overly stubborn sure, but he’s decent under all the sour looks paired with plentiful insults.

zhong chenle? in a completely different league.

“fifty bucks y/n’s little conquest works at this hospital” he opts to enter, sliding into the spot beside you and exchanging a few looks as if he dumped his life savings onto the table for you to gorge on.

“fifty bucks my wha— how’d you even..?”

“aeri likes to gossip” chenle replies, full of cheek. “and a little birdie told me they saw you leaving the on-call room all flustered”.

“a little— who?”

“i can’t tell you my sources”.

“what if i just had a really good nap?”

“thirty bucks it’s an intern” renjun decides to add on, and you blink his way in sheer betrayal. yes they’re right but you didn’t divulge your weeks ago on-call room hookup story time to anybody, you just.. thought about it.

“that’s what yizhuo was saying! you know we have a bet right?” he digs through his pocket before pulling out an unscathed piece of paper. “let’s see we have dr suh from plastics, yeonjun, dejun, and our very own nepo baby na jaemin, pretty good don’t you think?”

“why is jaemin on the list? take jaemin off the list,” though you swipe for the paper, chenle’s got some fast ass hands.

“no no hear me out, okay? he has my vote because the tension is undeniable but i’m on your side and i don’t think you’ll give into his whims”.

“what whims?”

“his seduction tactic including starting petty fights?” renjun recalls, blinking in your direction as if attempting some newly discovered form of communication. “he probably gets off on that..”

“oh he does!”

and then they begin, you simply sigh as you make the effort to finish your lunch, acquainted with the leftovers you again had to heat up because there was little time for you to actually cook something new.

“jaemin’s a freak, wonil said—“

“we can’t trust anything he says, he’s literally fucking dr. dudebro” you steal a fry off chenle’s plate, humming along with your bite.

“i thought they broke it off?” renjun asks in denial, though his gleaming ‘i knew it’ look would completely beg to differ.

“oh come on! everybody knows they’re still fucking, no mystery, no thrill”.

renjun crinkles his nose at the display of crudeness, you don’t forget to recall the thirty bucks he entered into this godforsaken betting pool. “can i kill him?”

your hands raise in mock surrender. “not in front of me, we swore an oath of peace” you rise from your place and keep your plate in your bag. “besides there’s no mystery, no thrill”.

“don’t leave me with him!” renjun squeaks. “where are you going!?”

you do not let up the walking, however, you allow him at least one reassuring smile.

“to see a guy about a thing!”

~

in a rare act of perfect timing, you’re just able to sprint to the elevator as soon as it’s closing. by the power of the universe’s most evil, jaemin is the only one inside, and he blankly stares as you hold your folders out to hold the door before ducking in. you hit the button for the sixth floor and begin panting as you lean against the wall.

jaemin barely spares a glance, but his smile says everything. “back for more already?”

“did you tell anyone about us?”

he opts to chuckle at that one. “us? we sleep together once and you’re already thinking there’s an us baby?”

“shut the fuck up, na, like half our class is in a betting pool for when i’m going to let you into my pants so i swear to god if you told anybody i’m going to ship you to the O.R and harvest all of your fucking organs”.

the threat shines brightly above him, smile shimmering. “i’m sure you’d love to do that”.

his smile is endless and the point by which his stare begins is simply dark, it’s that stupid dead-eyed stare that could murder anyone just by one mere glance. if looks could kill, your insides would’ve been splattered all over this elevator currently.

finally, jaemin rolls his eyes.

“christ, relax, no i didn’t, i definitely don’t know anything about a bet either”.

you let out a much needed breath and again allow yourself to lean against the wall of the elevator. the only worse thing than people thinking your friends with jaemin is people thinking you’re actively sleeping with jaemin. well— okay you suppose there are worse things to be known for but being pegged as the intern banging na jaemin is definitely up there.

“i meant what i said by the way, that was a one time thing”.

“of course”.

“stop fucking smiling like that”.

it appears to be his innate need to ensure your irritation, his smile barely resists the clear urge to grow at the sight of your frown. “god, thought you liked my smile?”

“it’s never happening again” you insist. “no more sex, not with you anyway”.

“great” jaemin replies. he finally does turn to face you. “so when you say never again are you actually making a definite final decision or are you simply playing hard to get?”

“what do you think?” you retort, you’re two floors away from your destination, the lab reports you’re clutching much vicely resulting in sweaty palms.

jaemin licks his lips, all high and mighty. “i’m sure you don’t want to know what i’m thinking”.

you look up to meet his stare in a singular effort to glare equally as hard, it’s futile. jaemin’s got the eyes of a predator, as if he’ll pounce if you attempt a single move out of this elevator, it’s striking, his eyes trail all the way up from your terribly expensive shoes and up your body, stopping at your mouth.

he seems pleased with himself, tipping his head forward when the elevator dings at your floor.

you allow a squint, briskly leaving him behind. it’s only three steps out of the elevator that you realize you left him without an answer, therefore leaving him with the last word, but you conclude you’ve walked too far to shout, yet it seems jaemin has no qualms.

“you know where to find me!” he calls.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 3: good sex is addicting! healthy? eh..

naturally it happens again..

and again,

and once again.

if you were in a better place of mind, perhaps if you didn’t contain loads of work on your shoulder and slumped with courses of continuous caffeine, you’d find the right mind to chide yourself for making such a stupid decision, but you’re simply a selfish and desperate man. this is like— the best sex you’ve had since undergrad, not that there were many good examples to be the judge of that one anyway (with little offense given to shotaro, he’s a sweetheart but you two barely ever got it on as it is).

the thing is, you’re beginning to have a little fun with it. sure, you’d felt as if you were betraying yourself after the second or third time but it’s now become its own little adventure. sneaking around and whispering in the hallways in tandem with disappearing into random storage closests is fun.

jaemin is merely jaemin when it’s all over, barbed wire esqe jaemin with a personality you’d liken to some miserable children’s movie villain.

but it works, it isn’t as if you’re doing this because jaemin has a to die for personality, you’re doing it because you’re stressed, despite the fact that he is probably the main contributor of such stress, he at least helps you relieve that stress.

“somethings up with you,” jeno makes apparent when he walks past the couch, casual, conversational.

droning on the television is some nature documentary you don’t recall turning on, acting as background noise as you observe the surgery dr. kim assigned you. you technically aren’t allowed to bring your work home but you’ve also always enjoyed poking holes into rules, you bring your teeth down on a goldfish cracker that you’ve had between your fingers for about five minutes.

“what?” you finally reply.

“you seem different” jeno rewords graciously. “brighter, less.. porcupine-y”.

“i can be mean if you want,” you decide. “you want that puppy?”

jeno turns red, continuous head shaking as he clears his throat. “i just meant— i don’t know, you seem a little less miserable than before, not all grouchy, i’m happy for you”.

“pfft— thanks, always knew you loved me nono”.

his chagrin at such a nickname manifests in his much particular nose scrunch, his arms folding over his chest stubbornly. “don’t call me that.. so anyway, what changed?”

“hm?”

he leans over the couch, staring you down suspiciously, unnaturally nosy. “you can’t just decide to not be miserable overnight, what happened?”

you tilt your head up at him. “i’m getting to scrub in on proper surgeries, and i’m getting laid!”

jeno appears surprised, though gladdened anyway. “oh really? so who’s the guy then?”

you squint at him. “chenle put you up to this?”

“what?” he seems taken aback, but equally completely caught. “no?”

you open your mouth to rebut that clear lie, yet you’re both interrupted by lee donghyuck barreling into the room, looking too good for a regular saturday night, fancy overcoat draped over his arm that he definitely stole from renjun.

“stop looking at me and help me put this on” he motions towards his empty wrist and a fancy looking bracelet.

jeno simply whistles lowly.

“where are you going dressed up like this?” you inquire in the manner of a scrutinizing parent. “you got a date?” you don’t miss his avoidance of eye contact once you actually fasten the thing around his wrist.

“..yes”,

jeno applauds happily, much too excited, as if he were the one going on a date.

“give us a spin” you chide.

“seriously?”

both you and jeno nod in unison.

donghyuck begrudgingly obliges.

“you look good” jeno states.

“very good” you ruffle his hair irritatingly, and he hisses as he bats your hand away, muttering his small thanks. “have fun!”

you make sure to blow him a kiss on his way out, donghyuck makes sure to slam the door on his way out.

jeno then turns to you. “can i guess your guy’s name?”

“no!”

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 4: secrets out eventually!!

you suppose you had to eventually tell your friends at some point, of course that would include admitting zhong chenle is right and that sucks the life out of you for a much identifiable reason. the other three are bound to find out about jaemin soon enough, because whilst you’ve never been a talker, it’s getting annoying to do the constant walk of shame to jaemin’s apartment.

“i’m really trying to understand what your problem with me is” jaemin grins, all teeth, perfectly straight purely white fucking teeth. you’re back in the closet again, you can’t help but surmise that there’s a joke in there somewhere.

“i thought you didn’t care?”

“i don’t, it’s simply so cute how you get angry, kinda turns me on”.

you decide to ignore that one, wiping your mouth over with the back of your hand. you then focus on getting your shirt back to its original, somewhat normal looking form, god you’re so reckless.

“i’m just saying.. if you put effort into actually getting to know me we’d actually be pretty good— fuck ow!” he winces in the manner of a kicked puppy, all because you twisted a piece of skin between your fingers.

“i’m not interested in getting to know you, thought i made that clear” you voice.

“only thing you’ve made clear is that you believe it’s your god given right to hate me since no one else does”.

“oh you make me feel so special, i’m sure there’s someone else in this world who hates you as much as i do”.

“sure y/n” jaemin begins, “i find it hard to believe you actually do hate me” he nips at your ear, you really shouldn’t let jaemin kiss your neck, but you don’t push him off, he’d throw a hissy fit.

just as his hand begins venturing downward the closest door creaks open, and you two jump apart as if you’ve been caught, standing in the doorway is none other than lee donghyuck.

“what the fuck?” he whispers, quickly closing the door behind him. when he steps into the dingy white light, you notice the wet tears against his eyelashes, everything else is erased from your mind.

“hey” you begin, voice soft. “what’s wrong? did something happen?” you smooth over your scrubs.

“nothing” his voice gives it away. “we can’t cry mid shift anymore?”

no, but donghyuck hasn’t cried over a patient in a while, that’s typically your prerogative.

“it’s wonil” he sniffs. “stupid fucking kim wonil,” he sits down on an upturned bucket, once you kneel beside him, he pulls you into a hug to bury his tear streaked face against your neck. “i’m gonna have to change my name and transfer to gwangju instead!”

you look over donghyuck’s trembling shoulder at jaemin, who appears just as clueless as you are. he instead opts to patting the small of his back in support, rubbing soothing strokes. “could i have some elaboration, babe?”

“he used me” he says, holding onto his sobs. “took me on a stupid fucking fancy date and then i caught him with mark lee— oh my god, he.. he lied to me, he said they broke it off months ago but that obviously wasn’t true and he kept scrubbing in on the important surgeries, i thought he— we were going out for months and i just, fuck i feel awful y/n”.

well that’s.. not what you expected to hear at all. your head spins.

“wait— wonil? that’s who?”

“can we not talk about that part right now?” he simply allows for the tears to free fall, you attempt to wipe them as best you can.

sure, it’s nothing.

“did he tell you? how’d you even find this out?”

“no he didn’t i saw them” he covers his face with his own hands, distraught. “and he didn’t even care..”

“then none of it is your fault” you assure, patting the side of his arms. “he’s an asshole”.

it doesn’t quell donghyuck enough, his shoulders continuously quivering. “i had a bad feeling, i really should’ve known better—“

“he’s a cheat, he should know better, don’t beat yourself up over this”.

“i fucking loved him y/n” he rests his head onto your shoulder, something twisted and horrible lodged in his throat, tears endless.

~

it’s raining because of course it’s raining.

“it’s storming pretty bad” jaemin quips, conversationally. “do you not want me to call you a ride?”

you simply allow a small breath to escape your lips, hair tousled as you slip your jacket on through your arms. “nah, the bus works just fine” you say, wiping your hands on your pants despite your much irritation.

“and i’m guessing you don’t want to wait until it’s let up either?”

“i have to get home cause jeno’s working late and— hyuck’s alone, don’t want him to be..” you mutter, glancing down at your watch as you crinkle your nose at the time. “he’s been baking since the whole wonil thing happened, need to make sure he doesn’t burn down the apartment”.

jaemin doesn’t have to put anymore work into convincing you. “alright, have fun”.

you do the typical before leaving checkup, you have your keys, your phone, cash, and a bus pass, good. it’s silent, awkward, not much of a regular conversation when he isn’t bending you over a table.

but there’s something you really need to know.

“hey jaemin?”

“hm?” he doesn’t look up from his phone.

“should we talk about.. this?”

“well talking about it makes it weird”.

you consider your next words very carefully. “i’m lonely, you know”.

jaemin then puts his phone down. “i’m lost”.

you’re unaware of why exactly you feel the need to divulge context about whatever your relationship happens to be, you keep thinking back to donghyuck and you remember the liabilities caused by workplace relationships. you’re afraid you can’t stomach another complicated relationship, situations that wrap around your head in a nauseating fashion. not that jaemin is boyfriend material or anything but—

“the first time we hooked up? in the on-call room? i did it because i just got off a bad breakup and i was stressed and.. you were my first option”.

jaemin remains frozen in his place, gaze pointed, chest perfectly accentuated in his shir— stop looking there y/n. “what i’m trying to say is that i was desperate and it’s important you know that because—“

“get to the point”.

“i don’t want this to.. you know, be more than what it is, like.. domestic and shit”.

“oh jesus, okay y/n” he pinches the bridge of his nose, as if you irritated him. “you’re asking me not to fall in love with you right? you could’ve just said that then”.

“it sounds stupid”.

“and your other option sounded better?”

“whatever, i’m going, good talk”.

“great talk”.

“stop trying to get the last word in”.

“i’m not trying to do anything”.

“goodnight”.

“don’t say things you don’t mean”.

“fine, i hope you have a terrible one, i hope your roof catches on fire and you sleep through it and it all comes crashing onto you so your death is all slow and painful, happy?”

jaemin smiles, waving you off with each of his fingers as you storm out of the door, into the pouring rain, slamming it shut behind you.

you take a short walk and an even shorter bus ride home, yet when you enter your apartment you’re absolutely drenched.

the whole house smells of sugar and semi-baked sweets, it almost reminds you of home, back when you’d fuck shit up with your sisters in the kitchen. the now added on pain is the continuous ringing of the fire alarm, donghyuck standing at the counter fanning smoke with an empty box of brownie mix.

you sigh as you kick off your shoes.

“what the hell did you do?”

“i have it under control” donghyuck whines.

“hyuck—“

“don’t step any closer” he threatens, butter knife in hand.

your hands raise in mock surrender, a flat look sent his way. “you’re being ridiculous”.

“sorry” he puts the knife down, breathing labored. “help me?”

you two sit down on the kitchen floor and have brownies and ice cream for dinner, an ironic feat for a pair of medical professionals, but this is simply one of those things licensed under free will you have as an adult, the kind of thing that makes you think maybe parental supervision is a good need. besides, sugar is good for heartbreak.

“i don’t wanna go to work tomorrow” donghyuck mutters, beginning to consistently tap his head onto the counter, as if attempting to bash his brains out. “this is so stupid”.

“it’ll be fine, i’m sure no one will question you up front”.

he glances upward. “my former sort of boyfriend is fucking the most popular attending neurosurgeon, and people think i was homewrecking whatever the hell they have going, you think people just forget that?”

you lick your spoon clean. “yeah it’s not looking good,” you admit, scratching the back of your head. “but i’m here to help you through it, and samoyed will be there to bark at anyone who looks at you funny”.

donghyuck gives a weak laugh and leans his head onto your shoulder. “yeah yeah, whatever..”

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 5: fuck the domestics, fuck na jaemin.

of course because the universe has a really good sense of humor, mark lee and kim wonil are the first people you and donghyuck see when the elevator dings on the first floor. wonil looks at a loss for words, you’d pride him on such amusement if you weren’t looking to cause him bodily harm.

“uh” mark starts.

“we’re taking the stairs” and since you’re a good friend you do not complain when donghyuck drags you up four flights of stairs.

in his valiant efforts to stay away from neuro, donghyuck gets assigned to obstetrics for the day, whilst you end up back with dr. kim in cardio, which is always a simultaneous blessing and curse. the patient you’re seeing—kiara— has been going back and forth on getting the surgery for a while, and doyoung seemed more than relieved when you showed up with those signed consent forms.

you worked your ass off to get onto this case. you stayed up late all night reading into the procedure, designing a diagram which detailed the surgical process despite the fact that you wouldn’t be carrying it out yourself. observing a complex surgery like this is a rarity for interns, so you intend to soak up every bit of knowledge you can.

so, by design, you’re also standing beside the operating table when her pulse dips, her clutched hand falling dormant in your hold. after the frenzy of orders getting called out and defibrillators charging, there’s nothing but the long, insistent beep of a flatline.

dr. kim calls out the time of death.

realistically, nothing could have been done. she’d waited too long to take the surgery, her vascular walls were weak. it was the best surgeons in the room, and if they couldn’t save her then maybe it was just her time.

you break down in the tunnel despite all of that, you’re sitting on one of the beds against the wall, aware of your own ridiculousness, yet allowing for the tears to brim up anyway.

the only reason kiara was terrified of getting that surgery was because she was afraid of dying on that table, she was scared of dying, and you’d held her hand while they put her under, promising she’d be okay.

that was the mistake.

patient outcomes are never promised, and as much as they remind you, as much as you’re aware that this is in your line of work, death just so happens to spring up on you instantaneously, you can never really fully prepare for it.

“she was going to die anyway” you don’t have to glance up to meet the face behind the voice, simply acquainted with the sight of jaemin’s shoes.

“i know”.

“so why are you sitting here feeling sorry for yourself?”

you sigh, massaging a finger to your temple, your head hurts, it all hurts. “go away” another sob pushes itself up out of your chest, another sniffle, more snot.

but would na jaemin ever genuinely listen to an order? absolutely not. he did not go away, he stepped closer, a hand gracing your shoulder.

your own shoulders slump, you’re completely and utterly disappointed in yourself.

“i don’t need you to say anything,” he breathes. “i’m just telling you that it’s okay..”

“it’s not okay” you seethe. “would you have made the same mistake? would you be in my position if it was you?”

you take everything too personal, you need to start thinking like a surgeon, there’s no room for sensitivity in a field like this, dr. kim had said. he made you break the news to her family, have to watch the washed over expressions and the chorus of sobbing as you attempted to contain your own.

“well i wouldn’t have gotten attached..”

and it sounds so condescending, lowly, superiority reigned over your head. you’ve had a terrible day, and all you can do is sob in your own pity as jaemin just stands there.

it’s so easy to get swallowed up in your pride, tout your pigheadedness in front of jaemin on a regular front with spouted curses and illusions high. you suppose jaemin doesn’t have the best standards for you, you didn’t even do anything, but the fashion of your personality you’d displayed was enough of a case.

“y/n” jaemin calls, soft, you almost don’t hear him. the mattress dips with his added pressure, a hand coming to touch the side of your face, fingertips cold as they tuck strands of your hair behind your ear. jaemin’s hands are always cold. “y/n, hey”.

you don’t respond, can’t do anything but let jaemin pull you against his chest. it’s an odd feeling because it’s the thing you needed from the last person you expected to give it to you. you exhale shakily, closing your eyes and reveling in the prospect of being held.

“you suck at this” you sob, on principle of course.

“hush” jaemin murmurs. he rests his chin atop your head, and he says nothing more, doesn’t even pull away either. you cry until you have no more left to give, your shift isn’t quite over yet, you have charts to finish and labs to read over. you push at jaemin to let you go.

“m’fine” you sniffle, posture straightening as you wiped the tears from your cheeks. you feel reckless, embarrassed, like a child. your face is burning hot, but at least you feel better. jaemin is staring, as if he’s experiencing a certain thing for the first time.

you look away.

“i’m fine” you repeat. “don’t look at me like that”.

jaemin clears his throat as if snapping out of an episode. “i know you don’t care for my opinion, but i think you’re doing great”.

“you what..?”

jaemin nods, doesn’t elaborate on any of it, it’s awkward.

your pager beeps, and once you glance down at the location, you silently curse at the location being half across the hospital.

“right, um thank you, i guess i’ll.. uh, see you later?”

“you know where to find me”.

jeno seeks you out first once your shift is over, apprehensive as always.

“you okay? i heard what happened..”

“yeah m’fine” you pause before the doors to allow jeno to catch you, donghyuck and renjun won’t be done for another hour, and it’s once again pouring outside. “i just need to shower and sleep for fifty hours”.

jeno is already looking at you when you glance over. you’ve heard your fair share of stories concerning surgical failures, much too close to one when in your childhood, but experiencing one firsthand just really took it all out of you.

“i’m going to get better at this surgeon thing right? i have to?” you ask.

“you will” jeno replies, silent. he links your fingers together, a warm feeling. he then nudges you, the slightest bit of comfort in the affection laced gesture. “we both will”.

~

there’s a small switch flip after that.

jaemin remains jaemin. perfectly polished jaemin, hardened in the face of death, all precise and unphased, yet you lay your heart bare for it all, fortitude at the forefront of your emotions.

occasionally, you find yourself looking over at jaemin when he’s too engrossed in his work or conversation to notice.

when you observe him, you attempt to figure out where the fortitude of his beating organ lies. it appears jaemin acts in kindness when he thinks no one else is looking. you wonder if that’s a true display or if that’s simply another mask he wears around for the hell of it, getting into the sweet spots of littler kids is a spectacular move. then again, it takes a special kind of evil to be mean to kids. sure, jaemin’s a bit of an asshole, but he isn’t all bloods evil.

that isn’t such a hard concept to grasp.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 6: running out of terrifically timed titles

the tumultuous disarray of your life provides solace, somewhat regular sex escapades with jaemin continue and donghyuck is often too tipsy once you get home from your shifts later in the week. you surmise he’s simply coping with his situation in manners he’s accustomed to, though both you and jeno would love to chide him for the unhealthiness, you two also can’t talk, ever since you found that unlimited espresso machine in the second floor cafeteria, it’s basically become your life source. jeno will scold you for that one when he eventually finds out, though it’s good to know jungwoo doesn’t mind, simply passing you with mild apprehension whenever you go grab another cup.

you guess you can’t talk about anything, but you also can’t help worrying about your friend.

“l/n, did you follow up on those scans i asked for?” dr. kim unabashedly ambushes you whilst you’re in the middle of a good speed powered walk, files almost tumbling out of your bundled arms.

“uh— yes, they redid them so they aren’t blurry, and i also put in that psych eval you requested, i have all of them here”.

“nice work, will you be available to scrub in tomorrow morning?”

you blink at him, baffled. “i— oh my god yes, thank you um..” you honestly didn’t expect that one after the prior incident with kiara. you assumed for sure doyoung would stand between you and the O.R for a couple of months.

“is there a reason you’re still standing in front of me?”

you blush, embarrassed. “i’m sorry i just.. i know you don’t think i’m cut out for this so I’m unsure of why you chose me”.

for a slim moment, there’s genuine in doyoung’s eyes. “well i’ll have you know opinions can change, will you move out of my way now”.

you pause. “of course, sorry, thank you, i appreciate it”.

“you’d better” he beams, placing yet another stack in your arms. “could you drop these off at the nurses station for me?”

you make your way back downstairs, still reeling from the previous words said to your face, when you hear a familiar voice.

“is dr l/n here? well, no— he’s an intern”.

you look up from the nurses station immediately, catching a glimpse of osaki shotaro’s identifiable tuft of hair, golden blonde, still dyed. he hasn’t changed since you last saw him, well you suppose a few months really don’t provide anything substantial in the area of change.

“taro?”

when he glances up, he breaks into one of his bright smiles and he parts (hyperbole) the hallway to get to you. “y/n, hey, hi”.

“what— what are you doing here? is everything okay? is your mom oka—“

“i’m fine, everyone’s fine it’s just.. i mean— i don’t know actually i was just nearby and i wanted to see you? i know i’m the one who broke up with you and all but i was sure there was a high chance you’d be here instead of.. well anywhere else”.

“yeah” you laugh. “yeah that is true”.

“it’s nice to see you” he fiddles with his bracelet, reaching over to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, a natural habit, you grab onto his wrist before his fingers can grace your skin. shotaro pauses for a moment, cheeks colored pink in embarrassment as he slips from your hold.

“sorry— i um.. can we just talk actually?”

your face warms rather quickly. “uh..”

“oh hello” jaemin appears—literally out of nowhere—“are you here for a patient?”

“no actually he was just leaving—“

“i’m shotaro” he tilts his head to read jaemin’s id card. “you’re.. dr na?” he extends his hand for a handshake, jaemin ignores it. you almost want to tell him off for such a thing.

“yes, you must be the boyfriend”.

“ex boyfriend” you both say.

jaemin inhales a bated breath, handing you a stack of files. “jungwoo said to give these to you, the chief needs all the records manually inputted before you get off your shift today”.

“but—“

“we’re all splitting work, that’s your stack and this is mine”.

“i’m supposed to be having lunch” you frown.

jaemin shrugs, nothing of helpful. “do them after, i don’t care, i’m just the messenger”.

“it was nice meeting you”.

“sure” jaemin flashes a noncommittal smile, then, as quick as he came, he’s gone.

“is he always like that?” shotaro inquires, you sigh, much loudly.

“yeah, kind of, at first glance..”

“so lunch! can i treat you?”

you chuckle. “well i can’t leave so i hope you don’t mind hospital food”.

it’s (surprisingly) a very enjoyable experience for you.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 7: coupling 1000

on tuesday, lee jeno walks into the locker room looking slightly askew, yet completely elated, brightened in some unusual fashion.

you let out a low whistle. “now what the fuck has you so happy?”

“nothing”.

“is it a guy?”

“no!” jeno refutes, the bright red hue paired with the shrill squeaked ‘no’ do naught for his argument. “it’s not that”.

“you have that after guy glow”.

“you’re insane”.

“he’s right though” jaemin wraps an inviting arm around his shoulder, jeno full on pouts. “you look awfully stunning this morning, jeno”.

“fuck?”

“you’re okay”.

“damn, why’s it feel like every intern in this hospital is getting some but me?” donghyuck grouches, you instantly share a look with renjun.

at the inevitable silence, donghyuck groans again. “don’t answer that”.

“yeah cause you’d only be told the obvio—“

“good morning~” kim jungwoo sings, much too delighted for the time of day. “glad to see all of you interns actually in on time, l/n and na you’ll be helping mark prep his patient, zhong and lee one you’ll be in the pit, and.. huang and lee two on charts, any complaints? wonderful! get going!”

mark lee has the discontented mannerisms of a teenage boy, awkward stutters and all, you often neglect to recall that he’s a revered surgeon prided for performing some of the best brain operations in the country, technically your boss.

you haven’t spent much time around him, you actively avoid kim wonil for the sake of donghyuck’s (and your own) sanity, looking into the eyes of mark lee, he appears bashful, shyly boyish in a manner akin to a formerly stranger lee jeno.

“guess he’s still avoidant”.

you snort, jaemin sucks his teeth, you then sigh with your tongue prodding at the side of your cheek. “well he can’t look at you without thinking about..”

now that you think about it, you’ve never really had a conversation with kim wonil, what’s even with the guy?

“oh” his face drops in that distinct kicked puppy fashion, you merely sigh.

“just give him space, okay? he’ll surely come around”.

“space.. really?”

“space is good” jaemin chimes in. “and either way he’s not your intern, we are, can we go now?”

he’s always been ever so impatient.

~

yang jungwon is a twenty year old college student with a tumor pressing down on his frontal temporal lobe. “it’s affecting his impulse control,” mark warns. “so if he says something a bit forward, that’s why”.

“forward?” you question.

when mark, you and jaemin walk into jungwon’s room, his mother is sitting beside his bed, smoothing over his sheets with her hands. mark bids them good morning and introduces you two as the interns which will be overseeing the surgery, the first thing jungwon says is:

“jesus you all are hot, is that requirement here? why are you all so hot? are there more of you?”

“jungwon” his mother softly chides.

forward, you hum, jaemin only makes an agreeing noise beside you.

“sorry, was that rude? i’m very sorry”.

“he’s usually shy” his mother explains. “he doesn’t mean to be offensive”.

“no offense taken ma’am, that’s probably the nicest thing a patient has said to us in a while” mark replies. “how are you feeling won?”

“my mom’s nervous so now i’m nervous and the food here sucks by the way, i don’t really wanna have brain surgery but i have to be optimistic so yay!”

“that’s the spirit!” mark cheers. “okay, dr. l/n here is gonna run a couple of tests to make sure everything is okay, dr. na will handle all the paperwork, if you still want to proceed i can have you scheduled for O.R two bright and early tomorrow morning, i’ll make sure everything goes smoothly for you okay?”

“can i get snacks from the vending machine to make it go smoother?”

“i’ll do it” his mother offers. “don’t give dr. l/n a hard time, okay?”

mark leaves with jaemin and mrs. yang to grab snacks and necessary consent forms, you begin putting on your gloves to give jungwon a routine examination.

“dr. l/n can i ask you a question?” jungwon asks.

you remove the stethoscope from your ears, giving him a small smile. “go ahead, i’m all ears”.

“well it’s more of a personal question” he twiddles his thumbs, smile stretched widely as he tilts his head towards you. “are you two like.. together?”

“me and who?”

“the other, other hot doctor with all the teeth, the one who was in here just now”.

“me and.. na?”

“yeah, is he your boyfriend? he was looking like he wanted to eat you, i was honestly getting worried by how intense he was staring”.

that shocks a fit of laughter out of you. “no no, he wasn’t—he’s.. he’s not my boyfriend”.

“oh okay, well if nobody’s told you yet then i’m a hundred percent sure he wants to jump your bones, and also be your boyfriend”.

you clear your throat, flustered by jungwon’s sense of earnesty. “we’re not together, just coworkers”.

“do you have a boyfriend?”

you sigh and lean forward, pressing two fingers on either side of his neck to feel for a carotid pulse. “you’ve said the word boyfriend an awful lot in these past few minutes,” you pause. “no i don’t”.

“okay” jungwon says. “this is going to sound a bit presumptuous, but if i survive the surgery, will you go out with me?”

you skillfully sidestep such a question. “that’s not presumptuous, dr. lee is one of the best brain surgeons in the country, he’s going to make sure you come out just fine, your most likely outcome is positive”.

jungwon stops, blinking up at you, galaxies in his pupils. “i think we might be soulmates”.

“yang jungwon”.

“that’s me”.

“you’re cute, and sweet, and funny— but i absolutely cannot go out with you”.

“is it the brain damage thing? i’ve been told that’s a dealbreaker”.

“don’t be cheeky, how old are you again? twenty?”

“twenty going on twenty five”.

you laugh. “you have your whole life ahead of you to find a soulmate, people don’t really have a good time dating me, you’ll be dodging a bullet”.

“what, why not?”

“won—can i call you won?”

“you can call me anything you want..”

“won” you stress, “i spend about eighty hours a week in this hospital, i barely have time to eat or sleep or even think about anything that doesn’t include cutting someone open, my last boyfriend dumped me for that reason, i couldn’t do that again, and i definitely don’t think you want to”.

“ah i see” jungwon says, he’s silent for a while before he asks: “you’re saying it would make sense for you to date someone who works as much as you do, like another doctor, right?”

“well that wasn’t the point but i guess that makes sense then”.

jungwon smiles as if he’s figured out something. “so do you like dr. na then?”

“dr. na is standing right there” jaemin chimes in. you two both turn to see him standing in the doorway, “i have consent forms, i already went over the procedure with your mom, i’m aware mark probably covered it with you, but if it would make you more comfortable i could go over it with you myself”.

both you and jungwon stare at him.

“what?”

“is he always like this?”

you smile in his direction, giggling as you ruffle his hair. “yeah”.

“didn’t peg you as the type to flirt with patients” jaemin utters later in the nurse station whilst you two idle around in feigned ignorance as if you don’t have mountains of work weighing on your shoulders. jungwon had personally asked for you to scrub in on his surgery, and it’s clear jaemin was just the slightest bit envious, you would be too if in his shoes. mark’s surgeries are always the most fun to watch.

“i wasn’t flirting, he was simply asking invasive questions so i entertained him, he’s a nice kid, it’s called having good bedside manners”.

“are you saying i don’t have good bedside manner?”

“your words, not mine”.

“i don’t care, you were definitely flirting back”.

“i thought you didn’t care?”

“i don’t”.

“well there’s your answer”.

jungwon comes out just fine, you and jaemin however, you take a while to recover.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 8: well i guess he’s fine..

at the end of the week you typically only prefer to gorge on the junk food remained tucked in your refrigerator and embrace the warmth of your bed, but everybody knows you don’t always get the things you want, especially you in your kicked rock of a life.

“are you ready?” renjun bounces on his heels, changed out of his scrubs already, breathing down your neck in an effort to fasten your process of changing.

“what are you all doing tonight?” jaemin inquires, suddenly nosy.

“well i wanted to go home to eat ice cream then sleep all night, but since it’s the last wednesday of the month and we have tomorrow off renjun wants to go do karaoke at the local bar”.

“it’s kind of our tradition!” jeno offers, he’s sat down on one of the benches, lacing up his dunks. “you should come with us, drinks are half off until midnight”.

“you should come! it’ll be so fun, y/n has the voice of an angel”.

your cheeks color red in embarrassment. “well actually—“

“stop trying to be humble now, just admit it” renjun then turns to jaemin. “please? you literally never hang out with us”.

you can’t see renjun’s face, but you know he’s using that pleading puppy look to sell his point.

you watch jaemin crumble in real time.

“alright, guess it couldn’t hurt”.

what hurts is your throat after demolishing a flurry of early 2000s hits. now your ears are beginning to pain as renjun, donghyuck and chenle go head to head, they’ve rapped to super bass three times in a row, and donghyuck continuously doubles over in laughter whenever chenle messes up a single lyric. you aren’t complaining though, this is about the happiest you’ve seen donghyuck in the week, it makes you feel all warm seeing him laughing and all full of bashful insults.

jaemin has been nursing the same beer since you’ve arrived, tucked away on the couch in an effort to not participate in such nonsense. it dawns on you that you normally don’t hang out with him outside of the hospital much, and you wonder if he even has friends outside the hospital.

before you stop yourself, you’re wriggling out of jeno’s lap and making your way over to jaemin. he looks over when you get close, eyes traveling from the loose neckline of your shirt to your face.

“hiii”, you greet.

“hello, you’re drunk”.

“just a little” you giggle, hiccuping on nothing. “you look all moody and broody in the shadows, are you not having fun?”

“i am, you guys are just..” jaemin pauses, again glancing back at the scene before seemingly taking back a few words. “i am”.

you hum, whistling in the air. “i need some fresh air, come with me?”

jaemin nods, following behind you in the manner of a shadow out of the establishment. you two end up sitting on the sidewalk, chilling air offering you solace as you attempt to sober up.

it’s chillier than it was before, but you bask in the cold instead, short sleeves acting as nothing of a barrier.

“that was quite the performance back there” jaemin says quietly.

“thank you, yeah i can’t compare to donghyuck but singing is.. you know, just a hobby”.

you shiver offhandedly, jaemin observes for a while before offering you over his jacket, caging it around you in his lingering warmth. you yearn to comment on it, he practically dares you to, so you take it in silence.

“you know what would be amazing? a hot spicy bowl of kimchi jjigae”.

it’s been a while since you’ve been able to cook a genuine meal, the shifts take it all out of you and turning on any kitchen appliances gives you anxiety after a long shift. eating is a whole shove and go sort of a thing, you don’t pay much mind to it anymore. “now why would you put that in my head? i’m hungry” you whine.

“i know a good spot near the hospital, their stuff is like home”.

you ignore the mention of home.

“you’re just making it worse”.

“sorry” jaemin is not sorry. “maybe we can go together after work sometimes”.

“oh, like with the other interns? that’d be nice..”

jaemin looks caught, he swallows down nothing. “no i mean.. just us”.

you freeze. “oh”.

“what? having sex with me is okay but dinner is completely out of the question?”

“no” you reply defensively. “it’s just— us, you know? we can’t even go a few words without arguing, we don’t do dinner, the only thing we have in common is that we’re stuck up surgeons, we don’t do dinner”.

jaemin presses his lips into a flat line, the kind of thing he does when he’s looking for something nice to say. “we’re friends”.

you almost lurch forward, perhaps drinking was not a good idea. you blink, completely knowing of your upcoming decision.

“you know what? yeah, let’s get dinner”.

“right now?”

“no time like the present!” you shout, holding your hand out for jaemin as you rise from the sidewalk. he takes it, intertwining your fingers as you haul him off the ground,

“what about the others?”

“they’ll be fine” you excuse. “come on”.

you realize belatedly that it’s about midnight, which means most, if not all restaurants serving kimchi jjigae are closed. you two end up at the popular twenty four hour ramen spot instead, and you take time to sober up as you two wait in line. hanging off jaemin’s arm, you simply allow your head to lean against his shoulder, the other making no room for little complaints, you’ll regret being all clingy in the morning, but for now, it’s all up in the air. the waitress who seats you eyes you in that knowing way, she thinks you two are a couple, you decide to not correct her, there’s no benefit, she ensures a comment about how cute you two are.

“first thing i want to do after getting my license is..” jaemin begins. “treat the uppers at one of these places, like a celebratory dinner”.

“ramen for surgeons?”

“basically”.

you hum, tongue hot, all warm. “you wanna split this with me?” you inquire, referring to the takoyaki before you on a plate.

“can you even eat all that?” jaemin poses, clicking his tongue as he eyes the spread of appetizers. you aren’t a quitter, especially after a week of subpar meals you didn’t even bother turning on the stove to create. you raise your plate in his direction, offering a takoyaki ball which he takes a stab at.

“have you always wanted to be a surgeon?”

jaemin sighs. “we don’t have to do this”.

“do what?”

“the thing where we ask each other questions and pretend to care about the answers”.

“i do care” you press. “aren’t we friends? answer the question, minjae”.

“is that supposed to be a nickname?” jaemin grumbles. you’ve always had a knack for nicknames, jeno your main victim. “it sucks”.

“answer the question”.

he sighs again, but this time he’s smiling. “i mean, guess i always had the feeling, i was obsessed with that surgeon game when i was younger, i would sneak into my dad’s office and read up on all of his procedures, i read a lot of his stupid textbooks and was hooked forever”.

“oh”.

“yeah”.

“well it probably helped your family’s full of doctors huh?”

he pauses. “not really”.

you stop for a moment. “your dad is na kiwoo, he’s crazy good at his shit, he invented a whole new way to transplant bone marrow! your uncle is literally the chief of surgery at the hospital we intern at!”

you probably appear nerdy, you scratch the back of your ear, somewhat embarrassed. jaemin stares, clearing his throat. “my parents didn’t want me to become a surgeon”.

you are absolutely gobsmacked, jaemin goes through the effort of physically putting your jaw back in its place. “seriously?”

“absolutely, they did everything to make sure i wouldn’t get into the medical field, wanted me to get some bullshit sports scholarship, they refused to pay my tuition and basically said i ruined their dreams of having an olympian son so i went no contact”.

you scoff. “god”.

“right” he grins, though there’s little genuine. “i tried so hard to get into any program that didn’t have to do with guleum but look where i ended up”.

you blink as you attempt to process the influx of information. “but you’re destined for greatness— you’re your parents’ legacy”.

he dismissively waves. “it would be great if they cared, they have their noses buried in their work, can’t believe they thought i wouldn’t take it personal”.

“you’re still mad?”

“what do you think?”

and then he chuckles. you deliver a small smack to his shoulder, along the lines of an affectionate gesture. “they’re dickheads, you’re gonna be one of the best surgeons in the world, besides me”.

jaemin is now the one who’s surprised. “did you just compliment me?”

“hm.. think you’re hearing things”.

“sure” he stops. “so what about you, then? what got you into this program?”

your nose scrunches. “my sister, she always had complications growing up but she had to get a lobectomy when she was young because she had a tumor, after that she couldn’t talk for a while, we spent a lot of time at the hospital so that’s where the interest came from”.

“i didn’t know you had a sister”.

well you didn’t exactly care. “i have three, never a moment of peace”.

“oh i bet”.

your expression falters for a moment. “dad and mom didn’t want me to, get into the medical field that is, they thought i couldn’t do it, said it was a future depicted in failure and that i’d quit at the first loud shout”.

“you? quit?”

he appears genuinely shocked by such a revelation. “are you surprised?”

“kinda” he mutters, opting to glance directly at you. “you’ve always been so persevering, can’t imagine you quitting anything”.

you shrug. “they weren’t around much, i had to kinda fend for myself with three girls running around”.

“well you did it didn’t you?”

“yeah, all those my little pony reruns and sugar cookies” you muse, shaking your head. “i should not know as much as i do about that show”.

jaemin laughs at that one, and you can’t help the pride which swells in your chest. you belatedly realize that you’re enjoying this conversation, you two haven’t had a petty fight in a while, go figure.

“you aren’t that bad”.

“surprise”.

“so why are you so hellbent on proving it then?”

“preconceived notions go a long way, people hear my last name and think seven thousand different things, it gets tiring trying to prove them wrong, i don’t care anymore”.

but if his voice is anything, then he definitely does still care.

“okay so how exactly do you plan on getting home?” he inquires to you, leftover bags swinging in the light wind.

“the night bus”.

“you don’t drive?”

“i would kill myself” you blurt, and jaemin snorts. “don’t laugh, highways are terrifying, besides, the bus is empty at this time”.

“do they really run now?”

you stare flatly. “of course they do, i memorized the running hours”.

he has half a mind to giggle at that one, you then grab onto jaemin’s hand as you drag him towards the nearest bus stop.

your building lights remain blindingly bright once you finally reach your stop, jaemin following behind you in the fashion he always does.

“you really didn’t have to walk me”.

“i needed to make sure you’re in safely” he emphasizes, as if that makes any sense, he opts for an eye roll to sell the stubborn bit.

“aww, what a gentlemen you are minjae”.

he grumbles at the nickname, though his smile threatens to jump up at every glance.

for the first time since you and jaemin eloped, you take a glance at your watch, shocked at it being half past two already. “don’t you have work today? why didn’t you say anything?”

jaemin shrugs, flatly, very jaemin. “you guys were having fun, my shift’s at noon, it’s fine”.

“okay well, goodnight?”

“goodnight,” jaemin replies, and he leans forward for a peck, it’s short and sweet, by the time he’s done, you realize all too late, cheeks gone red as you instead blink.

“uh” you begin, very intelligent y/n, stellar. “that was.. um—“

“you okay?”

“no! i mean— yes i just, that was nice it was nice..” you exhale, “can i have another one?”

jaemin gives in, cupping your cheeks and drawing you in for another kiss. it shouldn’t go on for as long as it does, but you’re much too embarrassing to admit such a thing, instead you let him do it again, and again, and again, all soft against your lips.

“we probably shouldn’t do that again because..” your lips attempt to twitch up, you try to fasten that sincere expression on your features. “well you know—“

“right, no domestic shit” jaemin smiles, all teeth, so cocky.

you refuse to give him the satisfaction of a smile, turning towards the entrance in order to hide it. “goodnight”.

“goodnight” jaemin lingers for a moment, as if he wants to say something more. however, it appears he changes his mind once you glance back at him, he mirrors your turn back and begins walking off.

it’s not until you put the leftovers away and begin undressing for your shower that you realize you forgot to return him his jacket.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 9: the crush-not-crush phase

jaemin does the friend thing exceptionally well, he relays obscure anecdotes that you giggle at and sneaks in slight jabs when doyoung’s in the middle of an important sentence that has you nudging him in the stomach with your arm.

like right now, he’s droning on about a moment when a nanny almost burned down his parents house whilst trying to cook for him and you’re very much interested, sneaking snorts under your breath.

renjun, jeno and donghyuck all arrive, tapping you on your shoulder, you turn to glance with the slightest confusion.

there isn’t an exchange of words, they simply observe jaemin until he smiles, making up a story about having to go check up on a patient.

they all silently watch him leave.

“why’d you scare him off?” you complain, almost tapering off into whining territory.

“i just want to know what’s up with you two” renjun finally says.

you groan, donghyuck pushes as he takes a seat beside you. “we are not having this conversation again”. 

“is he your friend? your boyfriend? an eight month conquest? your shotaro replacement?”

“why does everyone think we’re dating—“

“i ran into him when he was leaving your room this morning” jeno drawls, flat, irritated in that soft way he always is. “i’m about to ask him to start pitching in on the water bill”.

“he’s not over that often”.

your argument falls flat at donghyuck’s eyebrow raise. “he has been this month, do you like him?”

“okay— i hook up with him a few times doesn’t mean i like him”.

“you two keep sneaking off every time we hang out, you basically made him our new pseudo roommate and you were doing that thing you do when you like someone”.

“what thing?”

“you get all giggly and playfully mean—“ donghyuck tucks his hair behind his ear and flutters his eyelashes, squealing in what you suppose is a high pitched imitation of your voice; “oh jaemin you’re sooo funny!”

you land a punch, neither renjun or jeno reach to stop your action despite donghyuck’s extensive complaints.

“i’m not— it doesn’t matter, how could i like jaemin? he’s a fucking shark, do you not remember what he did to me in my our first month?”

renjun glances around, as if searching around for a better excuse you could tout. “your point?”

“i don’t like him, i’m not dating him, it’s all for sex”.

“how long has this been going on again?”

you wrack your mind for an answer. “we started right after i got dumped so.. around late august?”

“oh my god” donghyuck says, his eyes blown out dramatically. “you’ve been sleeping with na jaemin for THREE MONTHS!?”

you decide to assault him again. “can you not be so loud?”

“and you haven’t killed him yet? ew, you do like him”.

“i don’t— what does—“

“oh you totally do! holy shit, is the dick that good!?”

when you take a liberal pause, renjun immediately crinkles his nose. “don’t actually answer that”.

“i wasn’t going to”.

“you were having sex flashbacks!”

“was not, get over yourself” you snark.

donghyuck looks one mouth opening away from speaking when mark lee suddenly shows up, plopping himself at your table. “is this seat taken?”

“yes!” you and renjun yell in unison.

donghyuck clears his throat. “actually, you were just leaving weren’t you?”

“we were?” you ask dumbly, donghyuck nods, tipping his head towards the door.

oh, you realize what he’s trying to do.

“right” you begin slowly. “just leaving, just going”.

“me too” adds renjun.

“i haven’t finished my sandwich yet..” jeno pouts, and renjun sighs as he grabs ahold of his collar, dragging him away from the lunch table where you’ll leave mark and donghyuck alone. “c’mon, they have something to fix”.

~

when you enter the kitchen the following saturday, donghyuck offers you a mere glance from his book before sighing. “jaemin’s?”

“yep” you pop the p, crouching down as you open the fridge, offering a squint as if your aid will magically appear given your gaze. “are we out of grapes?”

“jeno ate em all, why?”

“nothing, guess i’ll just starve”.

“are you gonna sleep over?”

“i don’t know..”

“sounds close to a yes”.

you glare, donghyuck chuckles.

“practice safe sex youngling!”

you flip him off, he offers you a kiss instead. “sure”.

“enjoy your weekend off!”

you pause before the door and turn back to give him a look, itching to ask a question you’re aware doesn’t have a definite enough answer. “so.. is everything good between you and mark now?”

“i’m working on it” he says, “just working on it”.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 10: blurring the line just a bit

you stumble into jaemin’s room and fall into his bed with your legs tangled. you feel warmth encapsulate you instantly. there’s lightheadedness, as if you’re drunk, intoxicated by the familiar scent of simply jaemin. his hair is in his eyes, yet for a long moment he simply stares. you doubt there’s a definitive way your imperfections could be glimpsed at in the vague orange lamplight, a small frown tugs at your lips.

“what?” you whisper, tentative.

“nothing” jaemin replies, equally silent. “it’s just— you’re just.. you look pretty like this”.

you blank for a moment, brightening yet attempting to shove it downward, reddened. “good, thought you were about to change your mind”.

“hush”.

when jaemin leans down to kiss you it’s soft, and your brain does that stupid malfunction thing once again, you sort of don’t know what to do with it. it’s syrup slow, the way jaemin licks into your mouth and his fingers trail up underneath your shirt, like you two have all the time in the world. you take in a long breath, tugging impatiently at his shirt which acts as a hurdle for you. he chuckles, you feel his smile against your own growing one.

you frown, such an expression heartens jaemin to no end. he’s torturing you, pressing slow soft presses against your soft skin, each press marked by his growing smile as he drags his mouth across each particular edge, exponentially leisure, nothing of vigor and more of attention to specific details. you squirm gradually, jaemin digs the pads of his fingers into your hips to hold you still in place, there’s a gentle edge to it that makes your head spin.

“hey” you tug at jaemin’s hair, and when he glances up at you there’s that huge urge to punch him, or maybe kiss him, do a crazy combination with the grin he’s sporting. “could you— fuck speed it up”.

“don’t you rush me y/n” he drawls, blinking up at you through his terribly beautiful eyelashes. “today is special”.

“it can be special when you get to it”.

“so bossy, maybe you should be in control then”.

despite his clear amusement, lingering insults on his tongue, jaemin again leans down to kiss you. it seems he enjoys that aspect, you don’t let go of his hair, hand on the back of his neck pressing him closer. it’s a good kiss, the slightest bit scary to you. you think you could get used to this, get accustomed to the sight of his dirty blonde hair and his hands pressing into the skin of your hip, possibly leaving marks.

it seems a little scary, but it also seems.. well, it makes you have all those mushy feelings you shouldn’t be having, feelings you’d have a heart attack at having three months ago.

you suppose you are blurring the lines a bit here, teeth ground and face buried into his neck, as if you were attempting to crawl into his skin. jaemin holds you and talks you through it like a lover would, it does terrible things to you, terrible terrible thoughts swirling around in your brain.

in the morning, you awake alone. you lie there for a moment, sunlight peeking through the curtains, then you allow your head to fall once more, taking in a deep breath which inadvertently means you’re smelling jaemin’s pillow. you shake your head instantly at such a thought, it’s really all over for you.

you settle for a moment before finally rising from your place, more of rolling off jaemin’s bed and almost breaking your bones with the fall on the floor.

you go through the motions, brushing your teeth and attempting to fix your hair, eventually just leaving it half done. you then venture into jaemin’s closet, grabbing at a random black hoodie and pulling it over your head.

you hear a commotion, head whipping in the direction of the door. you blink, poking your head out of the bedroom door. “jaemin?”

“i’m fine, it’s all fine! nothings burning down”.

you shuffle your way out of his room, feet mute against his bare floor. jaemin has his back to you, in nothing but a practically see through white shirt. “what’s this?”

“breakfast” he muses, eyes seemingly jumping when he catches a glimpse of you.

you lean over his shoulder, nosy as ever, his face is flat. “what?”

jaemin squints. “do you not like pancakes?”

“what kind of question is that? everyone likes pancakes” you reply, breakfast is one of the most foreign meals to you, you haven’t had an actual real breakfast meal in a startling while. “i thought you didn’t like strawberries”.

“they’re not for me” he says, nose scrunched. he uses a fork to cut up the pieces, getting an equal amount of each ingredient before holding it up to your face. “open up”.

“i know how to use a fork myself, you know”.

“open up”.

you drop your mouth open and allow jaemin to feed you, he observes you eat like a hawk. “good?”

you nod enthusiastically.

jaemin smiles, a real, toothless smile that blossoms alluringly over his features. “alright, eat breakfast, then we can go back to sleep”.

you pause, chewing. “i could’ve helped make breakfast”.

“well i didn’t want to wake you” you’re unaware of when he got closer, you opt to not question it, simply allowing his arms to circle around your waist and for him to kiss you once again. his presses are slow, lazy, warm, his sigh in tandem with him pushing you up against the counter.

“can’t i eat?”

“you look good”.

“my hair looks like shit..” you mumble, in response he ruffles it, which earns a grunt as you attempt to escape his hand by leaning backward. “and you just ruined it again”.

“i didn’t do anything” he’s got that smile on again, the one without his teeth, you found you enjoy capturing glimpses of that one much more than you’d ever gloat. “now eat, lord knows how long it’s been since you’ve had breakfast”.

he makes it up to you by helping you wash your hair in the shower, practically putting you to sleep with his ministrations, hand motions paired with a warm stream of water a dealing blow. he lets you do the same for him, sneaking in kisses between rinses to make your time a bit more difficult, water flicked your way resulting in slight squeaks. you spend the afternoon on the couch, bickering over what to watch before eventually settling on a drama you’d been recommended, cuddling closely, though napping quickly overtakes you. jaemin is heavy against your chest, and when you wake up past sunset, there’s a noticeable cramp in your arm, yet it’s the happiest you’ve felt in years.

~

it’s no wonder things change after that.

you see jaemin in the hallways of the hospital, messy hair paired with eye bags and your heart starts beating erratically. it remains in such fastened motions whenever he sends you a smile at lunch, or when you’re around the rest of your friends and can’t help but just.. stare. your chest warms inexplicably whenever he purposely bumps into you in the locker room or leans against you once he’s worn out, in the manner of a mind reader who knows what exactly such things to do your weak heart.

you’re still hooking up, obviously, but it’s become so ridiculously domestic that you’re unaware of when such lines began blurring.

jaemin brings you coffee, placing it atop the nurses station and patiently awaiting your response, smile akin to a cat bringing their owner a dead rodent as a gift.

you blink at it, then up at him, smiles all high. you recognize the doodles on the cup as from the cafe down the street, yet your mind is still the slightest bit woozy from a frankly terrible three hour sleep. “what’s this?”

“a little pick me up” he replies. “can’t just keep throwing back espresso shots, that’s unhealthy”.

how jaemin even figured that out is something you neglect to mention, you presume he’s some sort of alien mind reader, completely inhumane. you would’ve bitten back with a snarky remark a few months ago, yet it appears your mind is full of gray static now. you shake your head and go back to reading over the patient notes.

“i can’t drink that”.

“it’s your order” he drawls, and your eyes again shoot up.

“what.. uh— shit”.

jaemin pokes at your shoulder, sliding the cup over and encouraging you to take a sip. you’d argue with him, if you could with how he’s staring.

he was right, it is.

“how’d you even..?”

“i have my ways,” he brightens.

“thank you” you whisper.

“it’s nothing” he leans in to dart a kiss to your temple. “take it easy, okay?”

and your world successfully tilts on its own axis, you really need a word for that one.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 11: desperate times desperate looking man

“i feel like i haven’t seen you in ages,” renjun whispers. you’re sneaking into the NICU between patients, like you typically do when swallowed with work. the tiny preemie babies are so cute, they’re simply giving it their all to survive, it encourages you to keep going in the slightest bit. also did you mention they’re absolutely adorable?

“are you finally moving out? are you taking jeno with you? am i free?”

“i’m not leaving, stop trying to divorce me” you say, smacking donghyuck’s shoulder in retaliation to such words. “has jaemin been acting any weird around you?”

“you mean like— weirder than normal?” donghyuck raises an eyebrow, renjun distracted by cooing at the sleeping NICU babies. you always wondered the extent of dreams infants have, constantly intrigued by such a thing.

“no not really” he replies, nudging renjun slightly in an effort to get him back on track. the older startles out of his admiring daze, blinking in your direction.

“jaemin? jaemin’s always been weird, why are you asking?”

“i don’t know he’s acting.. different, i’m a little worried”.

“different how?” renjun does his award winning judgmental gaze, amping up your consciousness.

“well you know how i slept over at his place last weekend—“

“and spared me the ear bleeding noises yes”.

“shut up, this morning he got me coffee before rounds started, he kissed me and told me to take it easy, since when has jaemin cared about that?”

renjun and donghyuck exchange one mere glance before the latter speaks up; “you know what that sounds like? i think you sucked and fucked your way into a relationship”.

“don’t swear in front of the babies!”

“and don’t ever say sucked and fucked again” renjun glares, nose crinkling in disgust.

donghyuck sucks his teeth, though ignoring renjun’s distinct complaint. “seriously y/n, if you can’t see with your huge fucking eyes that jaemin has something for you, that might be a huge problem”.

your arms drop at their sides, readying up some terrible rebuttal when your pager goes off, you immediately sigh once jaemin’s name pops up. “speak of the devil” you muse.

when you walk into the E.R you spot him immediately.

“hey, what’s up?”

“just need you to come look at something for me” he immediately says. “i have a theory, but i need a second opinion”.

a smug smile creeps onto your face. “are you asking me for a consultation right now?”

he rolls his eyes. “don’t act coy, there’s a lady with glitter glue in her ears, you seriously have to see this”.

you let him lead the way.

~

it’s eerily quiet in the intern locker when you walk in to grab your phone, one single being in the room, that of na jaemin, lying back on one of the benches, leg propped up. once he catches sight of you, he sits up.

“hey”.

“hi” you reply.

“out or in?”

“out, apparently i hit my eighty hours for the week, jungwoo cut me off”.

“that sucks, i’m on call tonight”.

“that does suck” you hum, shoving your phone in your bag as you eye the suspicious way his leg is propped up. “what’s up with your leg?”

“nothing, it’s just— my knees a little sore, that’s all”.

you frown slightly. “let me see”.

“you know i’m an adult, right? i can take care of myself”.

“hush” you respond, flatly staring as jaemin sits back on the bench, allowing you to poke at the wrap around his knee.

“it’s an old injury” he says. “it’s supposed to be fully healed but it still troubles me sometimes”.

your mouth drops open in a silent ‘ah’, “speed skating, right”.

“yeah, i was just telling choi about it, i don’t know why everyone is so surprised i used to speed skate”.

“you’ve been telling everyone about your secret past? i don’t feel special anymore, na jaemin” you tease. you sit up on the bench, satisfied jaemin wasn’t lying about wrapping it up properly. you’re supposed to go meet your family after this, but you don’t want to leave jaemin’s side just yet, call it obsession.

“relax” jaemin drawls, giving you a salacious wink. “they all know i only have eyes for you”.

you ignore the heat rising in your ears. jaemin has been much more forward with his advances lately, unabashed, little shame, which reminds you—“everyone thinks we’re dating, you know? you’re fueling the fire”.

“you know i don’t care what people think of me”.

liar.

“well i care” you answer. “about us, about.. uh— well, people always talk, you know? makes me anxious”.

“you sure you want me to stop flirting with you? really?”

“yes” you have an airy undertone lacing your voice, eyes sliding towards jaemin’s mouth, you realize lately that all you want to do is kiss him. you’re about fully prepared to when your phone buzzes in your pocket.

“you got somewhere to be?”

you shoot off a text to your younger sister to assure her that you will indeed not be late. you meet jaemin’s eyes and hesitate for a moment, though you’re unsure of why. “yes actually i have a reunion, well— not exactly a reunion but my parents want me to come home for some reason, probably gonna try to set me back up with my ex like they do every single time..”

there’s a small shift in his expression. “oh? didn’t they try to do that last week? or was that something else?”

“shotaro offered last week and i couldn’t turn him down, they’re trying to push me back to another ex”.

“ah”.

you pick up your bag and stand to head out of the door.

“i promised my sisters i wouldn’t be late, can’t leave them alone at home, if they make anything good i’ll bring around leftovers” you look over your shoulder. “text me when you get home?”

jaemin neglects to respond, you squint as you look at him.

“jaemin?”

“what? oh yeah, yeah, i’ll text you”.

~

jaemin does not end up texting.

you’re aware of that because you continuously glance over at your phone whilst your parents mutter on their meticulous jargon, sneaking in less than vague insults pertaining to your character. you keep checking for some sort of ping, a rogue emoji or videos of his cats that he enjoys sending so much. you only get texts from donghyuck asking what kind of pasta noodles he should buy for dinner, nothing else.

“are we boring you?” your youngest sister inquires, her head leaning against her head as she takes liberal glances towards your own phone.

you sheepishly put your phone away, you have no idea what anybody has been droning on about for the past few minutes, and you’re much too embarrassed to ask. “sorry no, please continue”.

later, you get home and crawl into your sheets, swiping the notification bar one last time to see if jaemin sent anything. disappointment. you tossed and turned for a moment, uncomfortable in the air of your room. it’s late, jaemin clearly had a long day and crashed as soon as he got home. he isn’t obligated to text you everyday, especially when you’re both equally busy in your own right. nevertheless, you briefly entertain the idea of showing up at his place just to see how he’ll react.

that would be crazy, you freak, is what your inner conscious speaks. he’s not your boyfriend or anything.

you do wish jaemin were here, though, he warms your presence in just the slightest.

you get up one last time, grabbing a dormant pusheen plushie left on your floor and pressing your face into it, a silent scream escaping your lips. you peer over at your phone one last time, finally deciding to take a leap.

goodnight, you text, pausing. you take a few moments, typing out i miss you a good six times before deleting such an idiotic message, you two saw each other no more than a few hours ago, why would you even send that? your hands are clammy.

maybe he caught something?

in the next minute, you practically jump up on your feet as your message is registered as seen. you sit up on the bed, observing text bubbles pop up and disappear for several minutes. eventually, jaemin settles on simply hearting your message.

he didn’t even say it back, but your heart is racing, and an irreversible warmth encapsulates you. the sides of your mouth curve upward involuntarily as you think of jaemin, his stupid jokes and his wide smile and his messy blonde hair, lying in bed deciding over how to respond to a ‘goodnight’ text. it’s just a text. a mere reaction even, nothing of a true response, yet this is a feeling you haven’t had in a long time.

lovesickness, you realize.

oh lord.

THE ETHICS OF COWORKER HOOKUPS 12: and zhong chenle was right in the end

“fucking finally” chenle’s mouth does that swivel upward and he beckons renjun closer. “pay up”.

“what? no, this doesn’t count, he hasn’t even told jaemin how he feels yet” renjun argues.

donghyuck taps his feet onto the floor, nudging you with his shoulder as he shares a knowing look, you stick out your tongue, though completely anxious about your upcoming circumstances. “told jaemin how i what?”

chenle sighs as if the whole world rests atop his shoulders. “jaemin romances you every single day, cooks for you, buys you cute gifts, asks for free consults and you’re still wondering how he feels for you? you sure you were at the top of your class back in university?”

jaemin walks in then.

“jaemin!”

you internally wince at the extent of your excitement, tone overwhelming. “um.. hi”.

“hey”.

“you never texted”.

“must’ve slipped my mind”.

“cool— uh, listen” over jaemin’s shoulder, chenle gestures you a thumbs up, renjun making a cut throat motion across his neck whilst donghyuck simply observes the whole thing in the manner of daytime entertainment. “uh.. i’m— we’re ordering in tonight, pizza and a movie are you down?”

jaemin opens his locker and doesn’t look at you. “sounds a little boring, sorry..”

“we don’t have to watch the movie” you suggest, screw shame, you’re as desperate as they get.

he blinks over at you, as if attempting to keep himself grounded though looking into your eyes.

“i’ll pass, have fun though” he replies, “see you all tomorrow” then he’s picking up his jacket, rushing out the locker room in an instant, cutting you off quickly. he practically runs into jeno on his way out, startling the other into donghyuck’s personal space.

“what’s up with jaemin? he looks like his cat just died”.

you turn to renjun and chenle. “he just rejected me, right?

“that money is literally mine” chenle grits his teeth.

“you’re all useless”.

by the time you make it to the lobby, jaemin is about finished with his daily wrap up talk with the receptionist, bag over his shoulder and head pointed towards the door. you’re fully aware of how pathetic you must seem currently, but you suppose nothings worse than not getting the truth out of him.

“hey.. hey, jaemin, slow down?”

jaemin blinks again, the irritated furrow of his eyebrows jumping out at you immediately. “what do you want?”

“i want you to talk to me”.

“what’s there to talk about?”

“you— gosh, you’re so confusing, you know? i can’t read minds, can’t you just tell me what i did wrong?”

and how you ended up outside is beyond you, perhaps it was the better decision, after all, arguing in front of the front desk lady is about as embarrassing as it gets.

jaemin scoffs, glancing down at his watch as if he’s unaware of the time, his apple watch lights up and the background is a picture of his cats, the wallpaper is helplessly adorable, it endears you to no end.

“you didn’t do anything”.

“well you don’t exactly make that obvious with how you’ve been avoiding me, you’ve been weird ever since i told you i started hanging out with shotaro again”.

“that— that has nothing to do with it, what you do out of work is none of my business”.

you try not to feel hurt by that one, you’re aware of what jaemin is trying to do. “so what is it?”

jaemin bites into his cheek. “can’t you drop it?”

“no” you refuse, slightly blocking his way though he could probably carry you on a bad day. “you’re going to have to tell me or get through me”.

“are you insane?”

that almost earns a well deserved fit of laughter, you suppose you are at this point. “you’re being immature, we have all night”.

jaemin gives a long hard stare, and you actually think he’s about to push you out of the way, leave you rejected on the cold sidewalk, but then he sighs, picking at the ends of his hair before breaking into a sigh. “i let you down, you know?”

you blank, arms dropping at your sides as you instead give continuous blinks. “what the fuck are you talking about?”

jaemin looks a crossbred of punching you and kissing you. “of course you don’t remember it’s— god you say things and barely even mean them cause you just talk so much, you know? you make me mad cause you do these little things that just piss me off and i just don’t understand you, you care about people so much and you’re so bossy but you’re also so.. cute, and nice, and you’re funny and you always do these things that make me realize i’m stupidly in love with you, there, that’s it”.

your heart resounds like a drum in your ears. “jaemin—“

“i fell in love with you, okay? and i know you told me not to, didn’t want us devolving into any domestic shit but.. i am, present tense, i’m in love with you”.

oh, you suppose there’s always a catch.

“you done now?” you ask.

“am i— yeah” jaemin laughs, dry and all. “i’m done, are you happy? can i go home now?”

“no” you pull him by the front of his jacket to kiss him, it’s cute that jaemin is clearly surprised by it, the broken whimper he allows to escape when you bite into the swell of his bottom lip is even cuter. his hand comes to cradle your jaw, and for a few sweet moments you forget you’re in front of your building of occupancy. you pull away with your cheeks hot as you rest your foreheads together, suddenly amused.

“thought you would’ve let your parents set you up with your ex”.

“and you didn’t think to ask me?”

“i mean— we never talked about.. this”.

“because you said it would be weird!”

“oh so i’m the bad guy now?”

“yes! yes you are!”

“i told you i was in love with you all you had to say was—“

“shut up” you snap, cupping his impossibly perfect face between your hands. “lord i like you so much, love you an excruciating amount and i miss you all the time even though i see you everyday, you’re so annoying and you have that addicting smile and it’s— you piss me off”.

“as you’ve said before”.

“but.. you know, guess it wouldn’t hurt to try”.

he kisses you again and you can’t help how you smile against his own lips.

“you wanna come back with me?”

jaemin pretends to think it over, as if your fingers aren’t entwined and you don’t already have butterflies alive in your stomach. “i’m worried, what happens if my helmet swallows your tiny little head whole”.

“so romantic na, i’ll have to give you an award for that one”.

“aww, really?”

“no”.

jaemin sticks out his tongue, one last peck given to your lips before you two were off.

when you get back to your place, jaemin falls asleep on your lap midway through the movie like an exhausted old man, or maybe just the young surgeon subjected to the torturous work hours at guleum grave hospital just trying his best. you can’t believe how fond you are, gaze brazen in a manner that renders you nauseous. unable to resist, you reached out to tuck strands of his hair behind his ear.

you hate yourself, it’s just the slightest bit terrifying, you’re fearful at the oncoming future and the enigma of na jaemin in his all. you just want to make sure he wants this, the mushy and sticky feelings which come with the whole process. he is a mystery, yes, but he’s also kind, and patient, and so full of boundless devotion that he probably isn’t even sure he retains.

jaemin jerks awake once jeno flicks on the lights of the living room, but he settles down quickly once he realizes he’s in your lap, you run your fingers through his hair, quietly aching.

he blinks up at you slowly. “i missed the movie”.

“you did” you murmur, “wanna go to bed?”

“yeah” jaemin grabs ahold of your hand in his hair, fingers intertwined, beginning to leave light kisses on your wrist, just above your pulse. he’s so cute like this, so soft looking with his delicate feeling lips and soft all around the edges. you might get sick from the absorbent amount of love you happen to be feeling, his eyelashes flutter in your direction, a smile tugging at his lips which you mirror.

it’s a match made on this soul sucking earth. it’s only a little perfect.

[cinnajun]

ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗: nct dream and long distance relationships

a/n: a fun 1 year anniversary of cinnajun special :-) also a celebration of broken melodies

wc | 2.6k

from worst to best at handling it

jaemin

i thought about this for a while, and i don't think jaemin would want to be in a long distance relationship at all

he strikes me as someone who really cherishes time spent with his partner, so having to be far away from them would be really hard

he’s also super aware of what he needs in a relationship and he knows that. so, if jaemin is the one going away, he’s going to break up with you

but if it’s you going away, he won’t force it unless he thinks it’s required/needed

if you end up in an ldr with him it means you’re probably not going to be gone for long, maybe a month or so, or you’re some kind of pillar in his life that he can’t afford to lose

being in a ldr with jaemin means he REALLY loves you, so congrats!!! but it’s also probably going to be agonizing

you probably spend most of your free time on the phone with him, and he’s forced you to fill out your weekly schedule on a google calendar so that he can see what you’re doing in his time zone

if you don’t put in the same energy he’s putting in, he will probably break up with you, and he makes that very clear with you before you leave

this is probably the hardest time of jaemin’s life because missing you all the time is something he really hates, and it’s hard for him to sort out those feelings knowing you’re likely off doing something super meaningful

the only thing that holds him together is the fact that he knows you miss him just as much (at least you say it every single time you talk to him)

he’s also probably going to visit you at least once, no matter where you are, if you’re gone for more than a couple of months

and he’s going to regret it right after because of how hard it’ll be to leave again

he just wants you back where he can shower you with love and make sure you’re happy and safe

it’ll be the trickiest part of your relationship with him, but if you can make it through mostly unscathed, it will strengthen your relationship more than you could ever imagine

chenle

similar to jaemin, chenle also wouldn’t want to be in a long distance relationship if given the option not to be

the only reason i’m putting him above jaemin is because he moved away from his family and his home, so he knows how to healthily communicate with the people he loves and continue relationships with them even if they aren’t constantly around him

but i think chenle values coexistence with his partner and would vastly prefer sitting in the same room as you silently rather than sitting on facetime with you silently

it’s really hard for him when you leave and he finds it hard to talk to you when he knows you’re so far away

but if you’re willing to try, so is he

chenle doesn’t need to be on the phone with you every time you’re both free and he doesn’t need to constantly know your schedule but he’d appreciate it i think

i also think chenle would trust his partner pretty unconditionally so he just wants you to update him frequently, even if you’re not doing anything too interesting

just hearing about your day, what shop you discovered or what cafe you went to, is enough for him to get through without feeling too depressed or sad

and hearing you say that you love him at every moment you possibly can

he’s too much of a loser to admit how much he misses you, but you can tell pretty easily lol

you’ll be on the phone and you won’t have spoken in a while and he’ll suddenly go “daegal really misses you” and you’re like “but you don’t?? okay i see how it is”

but chenle doesn’t want to admit he misses you because that means he’s letting the distance between you two get to him :(

chenle knows what it’s like to pursue your dreams away from home and he wants to support you as unconditionally as possible

so don’t worry about him, because he’s fine and he’s comfortable

but he’s going to worry about you 24/7

double standards 🙄

mark

if mark wasn’t who he was he’d be much more okay with it

but he’s a busy guy and it was already hard enough seeing you with his neverending mess of schedules and practices

and of course, for whatever reason you’re going away, he wants to support you really unconditionally so that you don’t feel like staying behind for him you know

but when you tell him you’re going away, he seriously considers breaking it off then and there

it’s less of an “i need to be near you” and more of an “i feel like i’m not going to give you the energy you’re giving me”

but after talking with his members he decides that he’ll give it a shot

tbh being in an ldr with mark might be harder for you than it is for mark you know

he texts you often but can’t call all the time, and your texts often aren’t replied to for hours (as for his too)

so mark comes up with the idea of sending each other care packages back and forth

surprisingly, this works really well

you still text and call as much as you can, but it receiving his poorly put together packages helps out with the yearning more than you can imagine

he’ll send flash drives with recordings of his studio sessions, polaroids of him and the boys, goodies he finds when he’s out and about, really anything you could think of

sometimes he even sends you receipts from when he eats out or gets groceries lol

all of them come with pages upon pages of “diary entries” where mark spells out his days for you, and he sends you his monthly schedule printed out and written in your time zone so you know when he’ll be out of commission and when you’ll be able to talk more (which is rare)

you do your best to match his energy and even buy a polaroid camera so he can see what you see, too

without these packages, you and mark probably would’ve broken up

but he would’ve done anything to keep you in his life, even if you were in space

mark lee i love u

haechan

haechan is pretty much in the same boat as mark except he’s way better at pestering you

i think he’s more online than mark is generally, so when you shared that you were going away for a while, i don’t think he was too panicked about it

the reason he’s not higher is because i think he’d worry about you a lot

like to the point where it started to impact his day to day life

he just doesn’t like being so far away from you because how is he going to save you if something happens??

he’d never consider breaking up with you unless he felt like you were moving away from him, but you’d have to understand that the distance between you is really impacting him

so you’d make little rules for each other so that you’d feel more comfortable with being so far from one another

like you have to call him when you’re taking an uber, and he has to call you every time he’s in a hotel

i also think you’d send each other letters a lot

they wouldn’t be full on care packages like with mark, but they’re just cute little tidbits of your lives on separate sides of the world

haechan would spray perfume on his letters (what a loser)

he’d also put on obnoxious red lipstick so he could kiss the paper (seriously a loser)

on a special day, like a birthday or holiday, you both get a small cake and celebrate together at a time that works for both of you (usually it’s close to midnight for the birthday person)

and you call a lot like it’s really obnoxious

and he texts you every waking moment of the day with even the most minuscule bits of information

“i just saw a gnat on the wall” like ok?? congrats i guess

and the best part is that the dynamic of your relationship barely changes, so you know you’ll come home and absolutely nothing will be different

so, for now, you’ll let him sing you to sleep over the phone and you’ll let him send you cheesy letters that make you cringe <3

renjun

renjun is kind of the opposite of chenle in a way

he obviously values the time you spend together, but he also knows that he did the same thing so he’s not allowed to be picky lol

renjun is the first of the boys who doesn’t consider breaking up even once, i think

i mean with the number of people who would drop dead for him, he’d like to believe that you, among everyone else, would be the worst off without him you know

and he’d be the worst off without you of course

long distance with renjun is actually kind of fun for the both of you

especially if you’ve been in a relationship for a really long time, i think you’d both find it exciting that you get to explore a world renjun hasn’t gotten to experience yet

so he kinda vicariously lives through you LOL

you often find yourselves facetiming when you’re walking throughout whatever city you ended up in, and you’ll show him fun things you find or tell him about the cafes you like as you walk past

renjun will also probably try to visit you as often as possible

whether or not it’s during breaks or making the group take a detour when they’re touring, renjun WILL be seeing you!!!

and he’s also the only boy who won’t get all sad and loserish when he has to leave again

he’s worried of course but like not in the way haechan is

if something is wrong he WILL be able to tell and so far you haven’t given the impression

nor have you ended up in the hospital

so as long as you’re functioning, he’s happy!

the reason he’s not the best at handling it though is because i think renjun would be an awful texter

he tries to get better at it when you leave and even pins your conversations but he lives on do not disturb and often forgets to reply

renjun is absolutely the type of guy to have like 200 unread messages

but he tries his hardest to change the habit for you!!

he even turned on read receipts for you so you could bully him when he ghosts you accidentally </3 he doesn’t have them on for anyone </3

so, to sum it up, being far from renjun isn’t terrible and can actually be fun for the both of you at times, but you still miss him a lot and can’t wait to go home

jeno

chronically online dreamie no. 1

at first jeno is really not on board i think, but he realizes that you’re both good at communicating when he’s off on tour and stuff so he gets over it quick

essentially nothing changes when you leave

the biggest thing though is that he misses you and uses that to his advantage, i think

while the other boys will stew in their sadness about your leaving jeno takes it as an opportunity to get like 30% worse LOL

as a result, most of the things he does that might be strange is just him saying that he misses you

jeno is like haechan in that he is annoying you at every waking moment of the day

in fact i think he’d be worse than haechan … like he is constantly blowing up your phone

if what you’re doing is for work, he’s definitely interrupted meetings before by calling you even though you told him not to

and then you call him back and scold him (while you hide in the bathroom during your lunch break)

if you’re in a country that has a similar time zone, you’re definitely the sleep-on-the-phone type of ldr couple

if not, you’re the on-the-phone-for-as-long-as-physically-possible couple

like once you took a day off on his day off and literally spent 25 hours on facetime … it was that bad

jeno literally slept for 10 of those 25 hours and you barely spoke to one another, too

i can also see you picking up gaming so you can spend more quasi-time with one another

your shared stardew valley world is really cute and pretty </3 except for the fact that he married one of the npcs instead of you with the excuse that “he’s not ready for real marriage”

jeno will also buy your essentials for you ?? it’s weird

you mention that you’re getting low on shampoo and a couple of days later an amazon box is sitting outside your door with a huge thing of your shampoo in it

he’ll also just send random items without telling you

like he sent a bottle of seasoned salt once with a gift note that read “this is good on avocado toast” and you were like ?? sure i guess

conclusion: long distance with jeno is a little strange but fairly easy

jisung

chronically online dreamie no. 2

the reason jisung is the best at handling rather than jeno is because he’s younger and therefore way more attached to you than say jaemin is

like if he were to break up with you he’s convinced the world will end and the rapture will happen

jisung is a little manic about it when you first leave and you can tell

he texts you “i love you” at 6 specific times throughout the day (times he knows you’ll be awake) and also sends like notes app recaps of literally every single thing he did that day

and you do it too because if you don’t it'll make him sad

but after a while, he calms down and things are actually really nice between you two

no matter your time zone, one of jisung’s favorite activities is to call you at a meal time so you can cook together

(cook together = jisung cuts a carrot for jaemin while you actually make a meal, or he is taking an astronomically long time to put his instant ramen together)

just in general, he’s good at long distance communication

he’s good at texting in the way that he never bombards you and never distracts you during the times you need to be focused on whatever you’re doing

he set a time with you every day to call, and, if he can’t he lets you know well in advance so you don’t feel disappointed later on

you have phone dates, you watch movies together on those like joint streaming apps (netflix party or something??), and you call each other while you do little tasks together

like you’ll mop your respective floors together or you’ll do your respective dishes with your phones propped up to show you doing it

he also doesn’t need to know what you’re doing at all times (and the same for you) because he knows you’re probably just doing what you usually did back home

it’s almost like he was built for an ldr idk

but he does what jeno does and just mails you random shit that you don’t have any use for </3 like jisung who needs a heart shaped sponge!!!

but it’s okay because he’s cute …

overall, when you get back, nothing will be different, which is the ultimate goal!! congrats on your successful ldr!!

thank you for reading!

[strljaem]

“was it cute like me?"

💿 : dream a little dream of me, michael bublé.

Your love story with Jaemin began in the most magical way—at a concert, where you were lucky enough to get backstage passes. As a dedicated fan of NCT Dream, you'd always admired Jaemin from afar, never daring to dream that he'd notice you. But fate had different plans.

It was a warm summer night when you finally met Jaemin in person. You were backstage after the concert, the excitement still buzzing through the air. The moment he walked in, it was as if the world tilted in his direction. He was stunning in his casual attire, with his jet-black hair tousled from the energetic performance. When he spoke to you, it felt like the universe had conspired to bring you together. The conversation flowed effortlessly, and by the end of the night, you'd exchanged social media and phone numbers.

What followed were countless dates, conversations, late-night talks, and everything in between. You got to know each other in private, sharing your hopes, dreams, and even silly inside jokes. Jaemin was always attentive, his eyes lighting up every time he saw you. You soon became inseparable, often spending weekends exploring the city, trying new restaurants, or simply watching movies at home.

Jaemin's busy schedule as an idol and your rigorous studies for your PhD in computer science meant that time together was precious. But you both made it work, always finding ways to connect despite the distance. You met each other's families, and they welcomed you both with open arms. Jaemin's sweet personality won over everyone he met, and your intelligence and charm captivated his family.

Then came the wedding—a beautiful ceremony filled with love, laughter, and tears of joy. You and Jaemin were finally married, and it felt like a dream come true. The world seemed to shine a little brighter, and every moment with Jaemin was filled with happiness.

A year had passed since that magical day, and tonight was your first anniversary. Jaemin had reserved a grand restaurant for the occasion, a quiet, elegant place with dim lighting and soft music. He looked incredibly handsome that night, wearing a black jacket over a brown turtleneck. His jet-black hair was perfectly styled, and his smile could light up any room. You were equally stunning, with your long black hair tied in a ponytail, wearing a black blouse and black leggings. The YSL high heels he had gifted you for your birthday completed the look, adding a touch of sophistication.

As you entered the restaurant hand in hand, the waitress guided you to your reserved table. The ambiance was perfect, with a candle flickering softly between you. Jaemin looked at you with adoration in his eyes and said, "You're beautiful." You laughed and replied, "I know." He chuckled, and the warmth in his gaze was unmistakable.

During dinner, Jaemin shared stories about his preparation for The Dream Show 3 world tour. He seemed a bit down when he mentioned Renjun's temporary absence, and you nodded, understanding the bond between the members. "Call me as soon as you landed," you reminded him. He smiled and nodded, saying, "I'm going to miss you. Take care." You knew you'd miss him too, but you also knew you had your own work to focus on.

While eating your spaghetti, a memory from last night flashed through your mind. You'd had a dream about you and Jaemin having a baby—a cute little boy with your big brown eyes and Jaemin's nose. The scene in the dream was so vivid, you were in a beautiful garden, walking together. Jaemin was holding a stroller, while you held the baby in your arms. He gently caressed the baby's cheek as he slept, and you both laughed together, filled with happiness.

As you drifted into the memory, Jaemin noticed you spacing out and snapped his fingers in front of you. "Where have you been, darling?" he asked, concerned. You blinked back to reality and took a deep breath before saying, "I had a dream about us having a baby." Jaemin, who was chewing on a meatball, choked at your words, his eyes widening in surprise. You quickly handed him a glass of water, and he gulped it down, coughing a bit. You couldn't help but laugh at his reaction, and he gave you a playful glare.

"Aigoo, really! You had a dream? Was it cute like me?" he asked, trying to play it cool. You nodded and said, "Very. The baby is so cute. He has both of our features." Jaemin laughed nervously, looking down at his food as if avoiding eye contact. You raised an eyebrow at him, questioning his reaction. "What? Aren't you happy?" you asked, and he looked up at you with a mischievous grin. "Maybe it means you're ready to have a child," he teased.

You playfully smacked his arm, causing him to wince and pat it dramatically. "What if I say that I'm ready?" you asked, smirking. Jaemin's eyes widened at your response, and you saw a mixture of surprise and excitement in his expression. "Wow, so sexy," he replied, earning a scoff from you.

As you returned to your food, Jaemin suggested, "We'll see. Give me some time." You nodded, holding back your laughter, knowing he was trying to buy time. He mentioned that the world tour would go on until the end of the year, hinting that he'd have more time then. You nodded, twirling your pasta with your fork, and said, "Thank God." Jaemin pouted, and you burst into laughter at his reaction.

That night was filled with laughter, warmth, and the promise of a bright future together. You both knew that you had different paths to pursue—Jaemin with his idol career and you with your PhD—but your love was strong enough to weather any challenge. As you left the restaurant, hand in hand, you felt that you were both on a journey, one filled with love, adventure, and endless possibilities. And whatever the future held, you were ready to face it together.

[star-suh]

★ here is the list of the groups/idols i write for and my fics:

GROUPS I WRITE FOR (until now):

NCT 127

ATEEZ

IDOLS I WRITE FOR:

(i'm not gonna write fics for all the members of a group, so here's gonna be the list of those idols)

Christopher Bang Chan

too strong to handle

hardcore

livin' la vida loca

sea of thieves

Lee Minho

one jerk off a day do not keep the doctor away

cops and robbers a short story

Jay Park (EN-)

welcum day!

good friends share

Park Sunghoon

enemies to fuckers

good friends share

Kim Mingyu

welcum day!

the phone call

y/n's sexual adventures a short story

blackmail

a new "friendship" has born

do your (blow)job

gym bros

wet dreams

basketBALLS

Wong Yukhei

happy anniversary!!!

not a birthday cake

ménàge a troi

Na Jaemin

not-so-opposites attract

jae-mean

Winwin

tasty

cruisin' for a fuckin'

Kim Jiwoong

the masseurs

Seok Matthew

Choi Minho

Jung Sungchan

Yangyang

Jackson wang

Jeon Wonwoo

Lee Hoseok

Lee Minhyuk

Lee Jeno

Park Jisung

Park Jinyoung

Hong Seunghan

Lee Juyeon

Lee Sangyeon

Choi Yeonjun

Jake Sim

Choi Beomgyu

[alittlerosecodes]

only blue skies skin

i wanted to have these coded up in time for 8.25 but jcink had other ideas ;~; here's a small preview of an upcoming skin, which comes in two flavors: truth in the eyes (green/yellow/spring) and rains in heaven (white/blue/fresh).

i've been wanting to use instrument sans in a coding project for quite a while, so i'm glad to be able to use it here. also, renjun is just so gorgeous in the teaser image, its impossible not to add him to the project huhu.

happy 8th anniversary nct dream!

[neocatharsis]

220825 NCT DREAM 7th Anniversary Relay Message

Mark>Renjun : My amazing member and a really good friend of mine, Renjun-ah! First of all, happy 7th anniversary~~ it seems like so much happened from the past 7 years up until now, but I think that whether it's a hard time or good time, we always overcome it with our way, with Dream's way, and that's how we're able to be where we are now. I'm sincerely so grateful that we have you as a member in our team, if it weren't for Dream, I bet our fate wouldn't cross path with each other, so when I think about it, I'm thankful to Dream too :) Amongst the 7 of us, you are probably the person who love and think about the team the most, and I know that so well, so in the future too, I'll try my best to listen to the things you want to say as well! Let's talk a lot in the future too! I realized I wrote too much as I write it ㅋㅋ anyway, you've worked so hard until now, don't be sick and let's do our best in the future too!! I'm always rooting for your happiness~~

Renjun>Jeno : Jeno-yaang it's been more than 7 years!! The time we've spent together has already been more than 7 years... there were a lot of things that happened, but our friendship will continue on forever! ♡ Don't get sick, and smile everyday, eigeuuuu!

Jeno>Haechan : Haechan-ah... first of all, happy 7th anniversary hehe You diligently work out these days... I hope this passion will continue for a long time kk I'm looking forward to your cool/amazing body

Haechan>Jaemin : Yo! Jaemin-ah who always make the atmosphere heartwarming while calling us baby, I can always be at ease while promoting because you are around (T/N : reliable)!! Sometimes you're so unique but you always keep the team together with your vision that's far ahead and you always say many good things so I'm thankful, and thanks to your love for the members, I think that makes our (team) stronger... don't get hurt and let's go for a long time while smiling like we are now I love you and everything about you

Jaemin>Chenle : Our baby Chenle who is always loud and have a lot of aegyo♡ happy 7th year anniversary♡ our Chenle who can control the team's atmosphere because he has such a strong presence Thank you for staying the same these past 7 years, let's get along well too in the future Our Chenle is good at anything and so pretty too so I'll continue to adore you, eyyy~~ I love you and always be healthy, baby You did so well these past 7 years Let's do well in the future too, baby♡♡

Chenle>Jisung : Hey, thank you for being together these past 7 years I don't want to say this to you but I learn so many things from you I'm not worried about your passion (T/N : CL knows JS will continue to have passion) So I'll just say stay healthy and I wish you're happy

Jisung>Mark : MARK who seems to have lived life while working the hardest in the world for these past 7 years! I think your passion is going for a long time I hope that passion will always continue!! Let even more people hear and listen to the voice of yours~ >□<

Translated by captainuwu

[ghostofhyuck]

NCT Dream pranking you that they forgot your anniversary.

Mark Lee

You're excited because your anniversary is today! It's not like you're anticipating for something spectacular but you expect that you and Mark are going to have a plan like a dinner date or something. That's why when you asked Mark about it, he replied you with the "why? is there something today?" and your world suddenly stopped. You tried to fake a smile and told him that it was nothing, excusing yourself to cry yourself in the bathroom but Mark pulled you immediately, "I was just pranking you babe, happy anniversary." you badly want to punch him there right now. He did apologize A LOT after, telling you that he'll make it up to you.

Huang Renjun

Renjun made an abrupt last minute text to you saying that he has a schedule today even though it was your anniversary. You felt like your world crashed seeing his text because you already told him to clear his schedule today because it's your anniversary! But a part of you doesn't want to be mad at him because he's an idol after all. So you finished your work and went straight home, but you were surprised when you saw that Renjun's sitting on your sofa, holding a huge bouquet of flowers. You were frozen when Renjun approached you, smiling as he greets you happy anniversary. You swear to God, you hate it when he pranks you that tears are forming from your eyes! Renjun apologizes and wipes your tears gently. 

Lee Jeno

There has been a weird tension between you and Jeno. Today is your anniversary as a couple and though you wanted to celebrate it, you wanted Jeno to take the initiative, but it seems like it's a typical day for him, even casually telling you that you two just stay inside for the rest of the day. You started to act cold around him, trying to drop hints that you're mad or something and it didn't take a few hours for Jeno to understand it. He told you that he was just pranking you and he apologizes because it was a bad prank. He has to swoon you with hugs and kisses, so you just gave yourself in. Don't worry though, he already reserved a table for two at an expensive restaurant for later. 

Lee Donghyuck

I think that Haechan wouldn't even last in his silly prank of forgetting your anniversary. You two would probably have a whole argument about it, something like, "seriously, what's with today? is it important? "Nice try Hyuck, I'm not falling for you pranks." it'll probably go on for HOURS because you're used to his teasings and pranks, and this time, you don't want to back down. It'll probably stop when he noticed that you're not really having any of it and is too tired to argue with him. He'll gave up, earning you a victory smile, and will greet you happy anniversary. Smothering you with a lot of kisses too!

Na Jaemin

Thinks that it was okay to pull a prank on you during your anniversary. So when you came over to his place, you tried to drop hints about today but it seems like Jaemin is so clueless about it and tried to brush it off. You ended up getting mad at him that you told Jaemin that you're leaving. That's when he realized that you're really mad, so he had a mini heart attack. He'll pull you and then started rambling, apologizing nonstop, probably took you hours of convincing to forgive him. He'll then pull a stunt where he drags you to his room and his bed is contains a lot of gifts for you! It'll be sweet and romantic, and fine you forgive him.

Zhong Chenle

I think that Chenle would probably win the prank. It'll be the type where he'll tell you dress up for a brunch date. And you're excited! a brunch date for your anniversary. He'll bring you to a cute coffee shop, order some nice food, and just enjoy the day. Probably at the end of the date, while you two are still inside the coffee shop, you'll pull out the gift that you bought to him and greets him happy anniversary. "Today's our anniversary?" he'll ask with a surprised look on his face. You'll probably feel embarrassed about it that you wanted to snatch the gift back but Chenle will grab your hands and laugh at you for minute, "I'm just kidding, happy anniversary love." and he also has a gift for you!

Park Jisung 

Jisung would probably prank you by saying that he has practice today so he couldn't come to your place today, and it'll make you devastated because you were planning to cook dinner for him. You mustered the courage to ask him if he remembers what day is today, and he answered you with today's date, asking you why. You don't respond to him but you still went to the practice room because he asked you to. When you reached there, there's decors and a banner that says, "Happy anniversary!" and Jisung approaches you holding a bouquet while Dreamies are singing at the background. You couldn't believe it that you'll ended up ugly crying making Jisung panic as he comforts you, apologizing to you with Dreamies nagging and teasing him for making you cry.