#that is mostly a joke but now i'm not so sure about getting a cat ]

[kookooluvr]

Teach Me How To Love - Part 2

pairing: professor!jungkook x (fem) professor!reader, fwb to lovers

genre: fluff, angst, smut, fwb au, economicsprofessor!jungkook, politicalscienceprofessor!reader, slow burn, some emotional constipation, some sappy moments, lots of sexy moments.

rating: 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT !

warnings: we meet jk's friends and tae makes his first appearance (we'll be seeing a lot more of him in future), oc is sick with a cold, jk is a simp and drops everything to make her feel better, lots of fluff, nothing explicit in this one, we find out some more of oc's rules, SATC mentioned, some marvel talk, talk of jk having a nice ass, mostly just lots of soft feels in this one <3

word count: 2.7k

summary: jeon jungkook, a fellow professor at yonsei university, is your friend, co-worker, and secret bed buddy. you have rules set in place to make sure there are no misunderstandings in your little arrangement. the #1 rule is as clear as day; no catching feelings. simple, right? wrong. let's see how un-simple it gets when a certain economics professor falls for an emotionally unavailable political science professor.

author's note: i'm so happy to see the amount of love part 1 got !!! part 2 is a bit shorter, but i think it's important to see their dynamic outside of the whole fwb thing. i'm aiming for the upcoming parts to be longer, i promise. i hope you enjoy all the feels in this one, and don't be shy to send me your feedback 🫶🏻

find tmhtl masterlist here

Jungkook sits at a table in a rather fancy restaurant, half-listening to his friends as they joke about something over dinner. They've been meaning to get together for a while but they've all been so busy with work and their personal lives that it just never worked out until tonight. Well, it worked out tonight because Taehyung practically forced everyone to come.

"Yo, earth to Jungkook."

He looks over at Jimin with raised eyebrows, realizing he was caught staring at his phone in his lap. He knows he should be paying attention to the conversation happening around him, and he knows that it's rude to be on his phone while he's in company, but he hasn't heard from you all day and usually you would've exchanged words (or funny memes) by now.

It's not that he MUST speak to you all day, every day to survive, but it just happens. If he sees a funny video of a cat on TikTok, he sends it to you. If you forgot how to do something on Excel, you text him and he replies within two minutes to explain how to do it. Sometimes he even goes through the trouble of doing it himself, screen recording it and sending it to you to give you a step-by-step guide. That's just how it goes with the two of you.

"Huh? Sorry, what were you saying?"

"I was just asking if there's a special someone in your life," Jimin says with a little grin, resting his chin in the palm of his hand.

"Actually, what he asked was if you're still on track to die alone," Namjoon quips, Jimin waving him off with a little "eh, same thing".

Jungkook rolls his eyes, flatly denying any romantic relations. It's not like he's lying. He just can't say that he might have started developing feelings for the woman he's casually sleeping with, so he just settles on, "Naah, I'm too busy with work." It's easier.

They know their friend is a terrible liar, but they also know that he would tell them if he really wanted to, so they don't pry. They've heard your name once or twice in passing, a little comment here and there like 'y/n likes that movie' or 'y/n uses this perfume'. As far as they know, you're his work friend. That's it. Even Taehyung doesn't know much about you, and he works at the same university as an English Literature lecturer, which brings us to rule #2.

Rule #2: It stays between us. It's just less complicated if less people know, and Jungkook knows that if his friends knew about it, they'd be pestering him about you all night and he doesn't need that right now, especially when his eyes drift back down to his phone and there's still no text from you.

You're in bed, surrounded by snotty tissues and a sleeping Miso, who really couldn't care less that you just underwent a violent coughing fit. You're about to doze off, when your phone buzzes on the nightstand. You check the notification, and when you see who it's from, you swear you feel your heart rate rise, but maybe it's just from all the coughing.

prof jeon |7:50pm]: hey, you. prof jeon 17:50pm]: haven't heard from you all day... prof jeon [7:51pm]: are you mad at me bc i said sex in the city was boring??? ����😭😭

You [7:51pm]: first of all, it's sex AND the city 💀 You [7:52pm]: and it's not boring, you're just a nerd who can't watch anything other than marvel

He laughs, knowing he should've expected that response. Your next message comes through shortly after.

You [7:53pm]: sorry for the radio silence You [7:53pm]: i have a nasty cold 😵‍💫 You [7:53pm]: feel like i was hit by a bus You [7:53pm]: took some cough drops and slept for most of the day

He really shouldn't feel the need to immediately rush to your aid, but he does.

prof jeon [7:53pm]: want me to come over?

You [7:54pm]: you don't have to do that, kook You [7:54pm]: i don't wanna get my germs all over you 😕

prof jeon [7:54pm]: don't be silly   prof jeon [7:54pm]: i’ve had your bodily fluids on me before, who cares about a little snot 😂😂😂   prof jeon [7:55pm]: i can be there in a little bit 

You [7:56pm]: you're gross 🙄 You [7:56pm]: and really nice

prof jeon [7:56pm]: see you in a bit x

He excuses himself from dinner with the excuse of a family emergency and promises his friends to hang out again soon. He grabs his coat and heads out to his car, making a stop at your favourite Thai restaurant for some pho before driving over to your place.

You unlocked the door to your apartment and dragged yourself back to bed as soon as he texted you to let you know he's on his way up. You hear the door open and in walks Jungkook, looking very handsome you might add.

"You're dressed awfully fancy to take care of my cold," you tease with a little smile, your eyes drifting down to the plastic bag in his hand, a bag you know all too well due to countless trips to that specific Thai restaurant. "And you brought food?"

He smiles as he removes his coat and walks over to the side of your bed, placing the pho on your nightstand before sitting down on the edge of the bed, clearly not bothered by the array of tissues scattered around the duvet. Miso sees him and gets up from her spot on the bed, sauntering off to the living room, almost as if she knows her mom is about to get folded like a pretzel again. But Jungkook's not here for that tonight.

"I was actually out at dinner with some friends when I texted you. And I thought you might've been too lazy to get up and actually eat dinner, so I brought soup."

The thought of him dropping his plans with his friends just to come over and take care of you fills you with a warm, fuzzy feeling. Maybe it's just your high temperature. Maybe it's the fact that he's just so kind to you. Whatever the reason may be, you're too sick and weak to fight the soft smile tugging at your lips.

"Thank you, Jungkook."

"Don't thank me. I just didn't want you to drown in your own mucus."

Your laugh makes his heart feel funny, even if it barely managed to escape your sore throat.

He opens the lid of the steaming hot pho and holds a spoonful to your lips. If you were your usual healthy self, you would've told him that you're fully capable of feeding yourself, but you're sick and vulnerable and he has that soft look in his eyes, so you let him feed you the soup. It's warm and a little spicy, and it instantly makes you feel better as it slides down your throat. It's just that good. That, and the fact that he bought it for you and drove all this way to feed it to you.

He makes sure you take any necessary medication and even helps you flip over to lay on your stomach so that he can rub some VapoRub on your back, his hands giving you the comfort you didn't know you so desperately needed.

You aren't used to being taken care of by such a gentle man. He blows on your soup for you so that you don't burn your tongue. He wets a cloth with cold water and lays it on your forehead to bring down your temperature. He touches you like you're some delicate porcelain that could break at any moment. When he lays down with you and runs his fingers through your hair, you don't fight it. When he presses a soft kiss to your cheek, you don't protest like you normally would because rule #3 is no kissing outside of sex but you don't even care right now. You let him take care of you when you normally wouldn't. You allow yourself to be taken care of because it feels too good to overthink.

Jungkook feels a bit selfish for relishing in your current state because it allows him to care for you in your time of need. He would do it for any of his friends because that's the type of person he is, but this is different. This is you, and he would drive for hours and hours to get to you if you ever needed him. He would put everything on hold to be there for you. Hell, he would run into a burning building if you were in there. Because it's you.

He props his head up on his elbow and looks down at you, taking in your fevery flushed cheeks, your heavy-lidded eyes, your stuffy nose, and he thinks that no other woman will ever be as beautiful to him as you. He's not Taehyung. He doesn't teach literature and he doesn't have the best way with words, but he could spend hours writing poetry about the sound of your laugh or how animated you get when you're really passionate about something. He could sit and watch paint dry all day if you sat by his side and did it with him.

Jungkook takes the tv remote from the nightstand to turn on Sex and The City, clicking on a random episode from season 6 and getting comfortable next to you.

"What happened to Sex and The City being boring, hm?" you chuckle, giving him a teasingly pointed look.

"What, you want me to turn it off?"

"No, I just thought you didn't like it."

"But you like it."

You turn your attention back to the tv as a smile threatens to break out on your face, your head turned so that he doesn't see how much that simple response affected you.

He barely remembers the characters' names or much of the plot, but you enjoy the show, so he watches it with you, making comments here and there and even asking questions just so he can listen to your voice as you explain why Carrie Bradshaw does what she does. He mentally pats himself on the back for getting through a good handful of episodes before inevitably getting bored.

When you get up to go to the bathroom, he just can't help himself and turns on one of the Avengers movies, offering you a sheepish grin when you come back and see what's on your tv.

You roll your eyes and get back in bed, watching Iron Man perform a monologue for the millionth time. "Captain America's better."

He gives you a look like you just killed his dog or something, and you already know what's coming.

"Are you insane?! Iron Man is so obviously the best Avenger, y/n."

"He doesn't look like Captain America, though."

"He doesn't have to," he scoffs, looking back at the tv. "He's got that whole rich CEO thing going for him. Plus, he's like, a genius."

"Nerds defending nerds, I guess," you tease with a faint smile.

He grins, a hint of smugness in his expression. "Are you saying I'm like Iron Man? Because if you are, that's a huge compliment."

"Iron Man's a bit more of a bad boy," you chuckle, narrowing your eyes at him as you try to think of who he resembles in the Avengers. "You're more...boy next door, kinda like Spider Man."

"Wha- excuse me, I can be a bad boy too if I want," he quips, trying to sound offended, but when you mention Spider Man it kinda makes up for it. "I guess I'll take Spider Man. I do have a nice ass."

You laugh, giving him a puzzled look. "Who said anything about Spider Man's ass?"

"He's like, known for having a great ass. Have you seen him in his suit?"

"So, that's it? That's why you'd make a good superhero? Because you have a nice ass?"

"Well...not just my ass. I'd make a great superhero because...y'know...great power, great responsibility and all that other stuff."

You scoff, shrugging like you can't argue with that.

He's quiet for a while, a full-blown fight scene playing out on the tv, his mind starting to wander a bit.

"You'd be Black Widow. You've got that badass, independent woman vibe," he murmurs, looking over at you with a soft smile.

"You think so?"

"Oh yeah. You're smart, confident, you don't take crap from anyone. Plus, you'd look really hot in the tight outfit." He just can't help himself.

You roll your eyes, softly swatting his bicep. "Of course that's what you think of."

He chuckles, shrugging his shoulders, feigning innocence. "Hey, what can I say? I'm a man, I like what I like."

And I like you. He can't say it out loud, but acknowledging it is enough for now, and when the cough syrup starts taking effect and your eyes slowly start to droop, he feels content with just having your head on his chest.

His phone buzzes and he pulls it out of his pocket to see a text from Taehyung, and your eyes are barely open when they land on the screen. You didn't even mean to look, it was kinda just an instinctive thing, but you're not interested in his private texts from his friends. What catches your eye is the photo on his lock screen. It's a photo of the two of you from a year ago, both of you making silly faces at the camera. It's a cute photo. If anyone else were to see it, they'd think you're a couple.

“I didn't know that’s your lock screen,” you mumble, your voice a lot sleepier than it was an hour ago.

“Are you snooping?” he teases with a little scoff.

“I didn't mean to look, your phone is kinda in my face from this angle,” you murmur through a soft chuckle, looking down at the photo.

“I like this photo of us.” He smiles when you tap the screen after it goes black, wanting to get another look.

“Coulda used one that I actually look pretty in,” you murmur jokingly, and as the cough syrup drains the last of your consciousness, the last thing you hear is a soft, “But you’re always pretty, y/n.”

The next morning, you wake up feeling a little bit disorientated after taking all that cold medicine, blinking a few times to clear your vision. You slowly sit up in bed and check your phone, seeing that it's 10am. You almost think you overslept for work, but you realize it's Sunday. You think back to the night before, the way Jungkook came over and fed you soup, the way he gently put VapoRub on your back and made sure you were well taken care of. You turn your head to find Miso in the spot that Jungkook was in last night, and you would feel disappointed that he’s not there anymore if Miso weren't so damn cute. It's not like you expected him to still be here this morning. After all, staying the night is another boundary you don't cross, and he respects that, which explains why he left a little while after you fell asleep.

You feel that fuzzy feeling in your chest again when you take a better look at what's on your nightstand. Your water bottle stands tall, which Jungkook filled before he left last night, along with a little note from one of the notebooks on your desk.

The note says, 'Hope you're feeling a bit better. Get lots of rest and drink your fluids. Don't worry about falling asleep, Miso made sure I saw myself out. Hope to see you at work tomorrow xx'

You read the note again, and then again. It's simple but thoughtful. He didn't have to write a note. He didn't have to come over last night to tend to your illness, but he did, and you aren't surprised because he's him. That's just what he does.

You think about last night until you have to consciously stop yourself from smiling so much because your cheeks feel a bit stiff. You grab your phone from the nightstand and scroll to his contact, your fingers quickly sliding across the keyboard.

You [10:23am]: thank you for coming over last night, kook You [10:23am]: i owe you fr

prof jeon [10:25am]: you really don't 🙄 prof jeon [10:25am]: i just wanted to be there for you prof jeon [10:26am]: it's what spider man would've done 👀

You [10:26am]: 👁️👄👁️ You [10:26am]: nerd

[kiealer]

i think my wife wants to get a cat now more than I do...........

[bokutosbabe]

Now I'm Covered In You

(bllk boys as boyfriends)

a / n — thought making another post in this form would be fun, so i hope you enjoy!

content — bllk characters x reader, gn! reader, pet names used in a few parts, sadly canon otoya i fear, misspelled words are there for a reason i swear, cheater! otoya and oliver, some characters repeated, lmk if i missed anything!

synopsis — bllk boys and what type of boyfriend they'd be

✿.｡. “ how's one to know? ” .｡.✿

—The Romantic One

is always planning surprises for you, and i mean always. there's not a single week where you aren't being taken on 'adventures' that always lead you to a different restaurant.

what's the point in having all this money and not spending it on you?

they are constantly writing you love letters and poems. well, they try to anyway. they're not the best with their words and with many spelling mistakes, rather liking to show with actions, but they tried for you.

usually their poems end up something like this

' roses are red

so is my heart

my darling

my deer

my sweet buttercup

you taste just like a

tasty soda pop '

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ ISAGI YOICHI, shido ryusei, jyubei aryu, ALEXIS NESS

— The Player

you know the famous saying, "how you get them is how you lose them?" yeah that's exactly how this relationship is.

you'd been one of their many side quests while they had a relationship going on. eventually after they'd ended said relationship, they'd chose you as their next partner.

they do spoil you with many gifts, mostly after you catch them cheating on you for the umpteenth time, but you stayed because they 'loved you'

sure they told you they loved you, but that wasn't really the case when they'd broken up with you because you were 'boring' them.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ OTOYA EITA, oliver aiku

— The Protector

is constantly worrying about you and is looking out for your safety.

with them being this 'big bad' soccer player, many people refuses to even look you in the eyes when you were with them. but if someone dared to hit on you when they walk off for a second? please pray for them.

some guy could be asking you for directions and he'd come up behind you and wrap an arm around you without even uttering a word. you didn't have to look at them to know the look they were giving the man was nothing but deadly.

some may call it controlling, but you knew them, they just wanted to keep you safe from all these men.

you had him, who else would you need?

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ KUNIGAMI RENSUKE, rin itoshi, SHOEI BARO, tabito karasu

— The Funny (insane) One

is constantly making jokes- some that aren't funny - but you laugh anyways.

everyone always asks you how your relationship is doing so well, and the answer is always, " i don't know," because you genuinely don't. yes, the two of you get into arguments, and sometimes the two of you get heated enough to have to take time apart from each other, but you always come back together.

how?

because they always forget what the fight was even about and come back into your space to show you some cat meme they believe you would like.

and the two of you laugh until you feel better again.

maybe you don't know how your relationship is so healthy, but you know why you're happy.

because they take the time to make you laugh.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ BACHIRA MEGURU, RYUSEI SHIDO, gin gagamaru, seishiro nagi

— The Traditional One

dates. Dates. DATES!!

they took you on soooo many dates before officially asking you to be their partner.

they definitely give the vibes of "my mom taught me i needed to..."

just the best gentleman!

you need to step over a puddle? they're putting their jacket down over it for you (it wasn't necessary, but they insisted on it)

you talked about wanting to see a movie once? he's already bought the tickets.

if you get married? he's insisting you stay home

" a pretty face like you doesn't need to work, i'll provide us everything." in his words

will do anything for you, really.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ YUKIMIYA KENYU, michael kaiser (pls ignore the mom part), REO MIKAGE, oliver aiku (again)

✿.｡. “ i'd meet you where the spirit meets the bone ” .｡.✿

likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!!

[hiveswap]

Summary of The Cat of The Year poll atrocities of 2023/2024

I'm sure that most people on this side of tumblr have seen the Jellie vs. Nefarious Anglerfish poll going around with like 60k votes at this point, and I'd really like clear up some of what happened since I was around for the whole thing.

Url blocked out for op's privacy. They have already left but don't look for it if you haven't seen it/don't harrass them if you already have.

1. The previous round (preparation)

I discovered the poll in its previous round, needless to say she beat Jort's ass severely. This was around the 3rd of january, meaning that this round finished before jellie's passing with only about 7k votes. Op did add their own piece of propaganda from their main:

...which was FINE. (except for stuff we'll see later) Of course running a poll while biased isn't ideal but I for one didn't even know they were the op until much later. I also added my own piece in a separate thread, and they didn't interact with it at all. There was no drama.

2. The Finale

Jellie unfortunately passed away right before the starting of this poll, which was the catalyst for what happened next. Op did exactly as last time and added a slightly more mean spirited encouragement to vote for the other contestant. This is the point where I believe that i fucked up personally.

I added this thinkpiece accusing op of associating all mcyters with Dream (who we all hate for the record) despite them not alluding to him at all. This is because tumblr has a history of disimissing all mcyters as... everything that dream was been accused of. Op did allude to not caring for mcyt. but they didn't say what i accused them of. This is important to point out because this reblog of mine is still being spread. Jellie was in the lead at the time, but not by the time i woke up next morning.

I won't be including anyone else's additions because I don't want to put blame on any specific person. Just felt like clearing up mine.

3. The Fuckening

Some time later op made this post to their personal blog:

which is insanely shitty because, as other people have pointed out, the "lame ass youtube cat" didn't die to inconvinience op or ruin their fun, and people would have probably voted for her anyway because jelly is universally beloved in the mcyt community. This isn't anti democratic. This post was added to the poll with a caption saying op should not be running this poll, and it took off. Op later went on to say that this was a joke:

This apology was not taken well by people, (including me) because "you were not meant to see it" isn't an apology and they still very much made fun of someone's pet dying. Safe to say this did not make the drama stop and only added fuel to the flame. I believe this was the point where the conversation of mcyt fans being unjustly sent hate to was reignited.

We should discuss that! it's a real thing that happens often and is equal to childish bullying. However, in this case, OP was the only one getting sent hate to my knowledge. The notes were mostly saturated by mcyt fans, and even now i can only find one or two hateful stance towards us under the whole 20k notes post.

4. Conclusions

Op posted a second apology to the catoftheyear blog to try and calm people down (i believe this is comprehensive and a lot better than the previous one) The blog was deactivated shortly after, so i only have my phone screenshots of it that i also added to the poll itself at some point:

(Edit) Here's proof that op did not write the justification they got criticised for, from the notes of the original poll:

This apology didn't get seen, or get accepted by enough people, so op made this statement on their personal:

Needless to say I am deeply dissapointed (and guilty) that it's come to this. Yes, op said tasteless things that made us all angry, but telling a human being to commit suicide is worse than being insensitive about a stranger's pet dying. Even after I posted about the blog being decatived i had someone come into my notes to wish that "they never find happiness" i mean wtf. This isn't like shipping where we can do whatever without the content creator's input. this is fucking harrowing and i can't imagine how i'd feel if this was done in my/my pet's name especially after losing them as recently as a week ago.

I hope no one from hermitcraft who is on here (let alone scar holy shit) learns about this like they did with previous lighthearted tournaments. If you truly respect the creators you claim to be a fan of as people, you do not tell people to kill themselves over them. And finally, let Jellie fucking rest, guys. she had a long, good life. I hope op can come back and also avoids behaving like this if they ever wish to do so. I'm angrier at mcytblr, though.

[funkyplantguy]

grian gets saved by hotguy and then pines over him <3

so this "au" (if you can even call it that when it exists exclusively in my brain and now in this ask) is mostly crack and comes from me joking around a couple days ago with some friends so...don't take it too seriously. that being said...

-

you have (3) new comments! view now?

click.

areeongreenday: hey! so this is insane.

click.

h0tguysnumber0n3fan: i guess i kind of understand where you're coming from with this - scar goodman and hotguy do share a similar sense of humor, and i sort of see what you're saying at 47:03 when you compared their voices (more specifically, the inflection they use on specific words) but...i guess i'm having a hard time imagining scar as a superhero. don't get me wrong - he's plenty cool, but...didn't he say that he's a full-time content creator now? i don't know that he'd really have the time to record, edit, and post videos on top of saving the city on a near-daily basis. interesting theory, though! admire the dedication.

click.

scargoodman: ;)

and there it was, taunting him - that damn winky face, yet again, commented nearly instantaneously each time grian uploaded a new video about the man itself. scar goodman - known to many as the man who had risen to sudden fame in the video essayist community with his charming good looks and boisterous personality. scar goodman, whom grian suspected was secretly none other than the city's beloved superhero. after all, they'd both made their debuts within a week of each other and shared not only a similar path of success but a similar sense of humor, a similar speaking style, a similar body type, a similar laugh...sure, there were things that didn't quite line up, but...for the most part, they appeared to be the exact same person.

okay - maybe grian was a little obsessed. but what was he supposed to do, not point out the obvious?

what made matters worse was that nobody seemed to believe him. no matter how many videos he posted, no matter how much proof he gave...nobody was willing to hear him out.

nobody except scar goodman himself, who seemed intent to drive him absolutely insane.

grian grumbled something to himself, pocketing his phone and continuing down the long, narrow sidewalk to his apartment complex. he'd lost track of time at work yet again, and as a result, the sun had long set. this wasn't unusual for him - he often opted to remain late in the office to "finish up a few things" (ie take advantage of the functional wifi his workplace offered instead of trying to upload videos on his crummy home network), so he was...fairly comfortable tracing the path back to his apartment in the dark of night. the street lights in this part of town didn't work exceptionally well, but with the familiarity of it all and the dull light of the moon, grian typically fared well enough.

tonight, however...well, call him paranoid, but...something felt...off. something about the way all the buildings around him were dark, indicating that their inhabitants were either asleep or out (and entirely unreachable if grian were to call for help). something about the absence of the various stray cats that he often crossed paths with. something about how the complete and utter silence made his ears ring.

"aw, what's this? a cute guy? well, pretty boy, you've just entered the wrong part of town at the wrong time. unfortunately, loose lips sink ships, or...uh...however the saying goes, so...sorry, i can't let you leave this visit alive."

before grian could even register the words being spoken (where were they even coming from?? above him? below him? behind him? everywhere, all at once?), he felt hands gripping the back of his shirt. in another moment, he was on the ground, his breath clawing its way out of his chest. above him stood a figure, shrouded in darkness and the billowing, starry cape draped across their shoulders. in their hands was something glinting, something sharp, something deadly -- something that grian's frazzled, spinning mind was unable to put a name to. or maybe it refused to - refused to name the tool that would be his doom. maybe it was better that way, he mused idly, as the figure raised it high above their head. maybe it was best to not know.

"hey! there you are - what did i say about running off?"

and just as quickly as he'd accepted his death, the threat of it was gone, vanquished by the appearance of the tall, costumed man on the rooftop adjacent. grian felt his breath return to his chest in one fell swoop, filling his lungs and sending a wave of sensitivity to his throat. he coughed, hard, tears welling helplessly in his eyes, and the newcomer's attention snapped to him in an instant.

"oh - and you've made a friend! how nice. unfortunately, there are no plus ones in prison."

"hotguy," grian's would-be murderer snarled. "i thought i'd lost you."

"nah. i may have gotten lost, sure. but you didn't lose me. there's a difference."

"you'll wish that i'd lost you when i'm through with you."

"oh, that was lame!" the man cried, hopping over the low rooftop wall and landing neatly on the ground below (how he did it, even grian wasn't sure. by all intents and purposes, his legs shouldn't have that level of shock absorption, even if he had been fed some chemical cocktail by a mad scientist at a young age as he boasted). "listen - we've got to get you a better catchphrase."

hotguy strode forward, his eyes glinting behind his tinted visor. he glanced to grian out of the corner of his eye, then back to the villain - then back to grian again, his mouth going slack in surprise. grian met his gaze - took in his appearance - and let out a bark of laughter, one not missed by either scar goodman or the cloaked figure in front of him. scar returned his laughter, throwing his head back and planting his hands firmly on his hips.

"well, what a coincidence," he giggled, after a moment. "my new catchphrase just so happens to be "subscribe to my youtube channel."

"what?" their third demanded, glancing between the two. "what are you talking about?"

"oh my god. there's no way. there's no way. how - how am i the only one who knows? how am i the only one who suspects?? it's obvious - it's so obvious."

"what's obvious?"

"i know, right? i make it as obvious as possible, and still...still, nobody puts two and two together. well...nobody except for you, apparently. i guess that you're just...special."

"why don't you just come out and say it?" grian mused, propping himself up on his elbows and ignoring the sputtering from their newly acquired third wheel. "i feel like if you said it - either as scar goodman or hotguy - people would have to believe it, no?"

a strange look came over hotguy's face, but it vanished as quickly as it had arrived.

"ah...i don't think that would change anything. plus, i have this thing with this cute guy where he tries to tell everyone my identity and i egg him on to get him to make more silly videos. i would hate to give that up."

he winked, and grian felt warmth climb his cheeks. gone was the fear, gone was the panic, gone was the darkness and the creeping, crawling sense of unease - instead, there was only curiosity, burning brightly in his chest. he wanted to talk to scar - hotguy - for hours, wanted to pull the object of his obsession apart to see what made him tick, then put him back together again, just to see what would happen. he wanted to get to know who hotguy was underneath the suit - and who scar goodman was with the suit. he'd wanted (he'd wanted for so long) and it felt like maybe...just maybe...he'd get to have.

"hey! what the hell is going on?"

"oh, right," hotguy chuckled, turning his attention to the third member of their party. "sorry - didn't mean to ignore you. here - sit tight, for real this time. the police will be here soon."

"dude, i'm just going to leave again. do you really not have handcuffs or something?"

"who needs handcuffs when you have a cub to design fancy gadgets for you?"

"a...a what?" the figure asked, then yelped, startled, as something exploded out of the cuff on hotguy's wrist. a net, affixing itself neatly to their body, wrapping them up in a cocoon of their own folly. grian stared at it, humming in approval.

"nice."

"thank you! it's new."

"i know."

"i bet you do," scar responded, and grian flushed further at the teasing edge his tone took on. "i bet you know almost everything about me, at this point. obsessed, much?"

"i could say the same," grian huffed back, pulling himself to his feet and brushing off his jeans (there was a rip in one leg, now, he noticed with a frown). "you recognized me, like, immediately. it's pretty dark out, too - sounds like you're the one obsessed."

"what can i say - you're pretty and smart. i happen to like my men pretty and smart."

grian sputtered incoherently in response, all confidence gone out the window. oh god - he was even more charismatic in person, even in costume. and god, was the costume more attractive in person, as well - baggy cargo pants and a tight, fitted top that exposed his tanned midriff. not the most tactical, sure - but damn was it hot.

"you can't say that," he moaned, covering his reddened cheeks with his hands. "oh my god. i hate you. i've known you for five minutes and i already hate you."

"sure you do," scar responded, grinning. "i - oh, hold on."

he raised his hand and tapped the earpiece affixed to the side of his head, concentrating. after a moment, he sighed - and for just a second, grian thought that his shoulders drooped in exhaustion. as quickly as they sagged, however, scar was straightening, turning back to grian with an easy smile.

"sorry, handsome, duty calls. are you alright to get back home on your own? i doubt this guy will be giving you any more trouble. those nets are pretty sturdy."

"wait!" grian sputtered, his heart hammering painfully in his chest (no, no, he couldn't let scar slip through his fingers, not now, not when he was finally so close). "don't go - i...can i see you again?"

scar's smile wobbled around the edges, and any panic grian felt was replaced with guilty - heavy and suffocating (though he wasn't sure why)

"ah...isn't it more fun, this way? don't you like the chase? isn't that exhilaration enough for your pretty little head?"

"i mean...it's a fun hobby, yeah, but -,"

"then we'll stick to the status quo. after all, i'd hate to rob you of your favorite hobby. goodnight, grian. can't wait for your next video."

and with a wink, he was gone, disappearing back into the shadows so quickly grian could have sworn he was made of them. and grian...well. he had an apartment to get home to, a cat to feed...and a chase to continue. and maybe, someday, if he was fast enough...he'd catch up.

[0ceanic-cosm0s]

To the Hellfire - chapter 2

[Josh Washington x F! Reader]

6.1k words

masterlist - one - two - three

chapter wrote by @sharkology & @xghostcr0wx

⚠️chapter warnings⚠️

[mature language, mentions of self harm, mentions of mental health issues, sexual tension]

"What the hell were you doing on the trail with Em, huh?" Matt tilts his head waiting for a response from Mike. This is not what you were expecting before meeting the last friends of Josh.

"What?" Mike asks in confusion but Matt's glaring gaze doesn't go away.

"I saw you and Em. Through the telescope." Matt replied shortly with clear agitation. Now you know why Matt was in such a sour mood before you, Chris, and Sam got to the lodge. You were still sitting next to Josh by the fire watching everything unfold. You want to look over and see Josh's reaction, but before you could Mike responded to Matt.

"Before? We just ran into each other. It'd been a while so we hugged and I said hello. Is that against the law?" Mike asks in the most laid back tone, as if there wasn't much to be worried about. You honestly didn't know what to make of Mike yet. This interaction between Matt and Mike is kind of weird and you have yet to introduce yourself to the latter.

"Right.. Yeah, duh." Matt doesn't sound so convincing but he continues, "Sorry. It's been kind of a long day, I overreacted." You're glad it didn't continue and you hear a sigh of relief next to you, coming from Josh. You look at him and give him a reassuring pat on the shoulder, earning a small smile from him. You feel your throat dry a bit, reminding you of how little water you drank today. You remember Sam offered to hold your water bottle in her bag on the bus for you since it didn't fit in yours.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to get my water bottle from Sam." You inform Josh and he nods.

"Don't keep me waiting too long," He jokes and you give him a lazy smile.

Once you're over to Sam, who's sitting on the stairs near Chris and Ashley, she gives you back your water bottle.

A new girl you have yet to see walks in. 'Must be Matt's girlfriend?' you think to yourself. She was a beautiful girl with short black hair, dark eye makeup, a leather fur lined jacket, and some expensive jeans. Just from her presence you can tell she means business, giving off an intimidating aura. You definitely didn't want to get on her bad side.

Before you can thank Sam, you're interrupted by a voice from across the room. You look to see the girl everyone refers to by 'Em'.

"Oh my God. That's so gross." She says while walking into the main area of the lodge, crossing her arms, a clear look of disdain on her face directed at Jessica and Mike's PDA. "Are you trying to swallow his face whole?"

All you can think about is how weird this is becoming. You're pretty sure there's much to the story you're missing, either way you can't help but think about how much Josh's friend group doesn't really seem to be on good terms with each other. Clearly something to do with messy relationships and friendships thrown in.

"No one wants in on your territory hunny." Emily continues.

"Excuse me, did you say something?" Jessica asks with sass, puts a hand to her ear, and gets up from the couch.

"Oh did you not hear me? Was your sluttiness too loud?" Emily rhetorts.

"I'm sorry, was someone bitter she didn't make the cut?" Jessica countered. This is what causes you to get the bigger picture of the situation. You start to disassociate from what's going on, mostly waiting for this to be over. You look at Sam who's on your left, sitting on the stairs next to you and she just shakes her head in disappointment at the situation. At this point you're pretty much stuck where you are, because there's no way you're going to walk back to Josh during this cat fight. You aren't trying to get caught up in it.

"Whatever, I don't give a shit what you think." You hear from Jessica after you tune back into the conversation.

"At least I can think. 4.0, bitch. Honor roll." Emily claps back with no hesitation. Matt's interjections only make things worse and before it seems like everything's about to come to a climax, you see Josh stand up to break everything up.

"Stop it!" Josh yells which is enough to catch everyone's attention. "This is not why we came up here. This is not… helping. It's not what I wanted." His tone lowered, no longer yelling.

"If we can't get along for ten minutes then maybe we need a little bit of a break, right? Mike, why don't you go check out the guest cabin. The one I told you about."

You feel bad for Josh, it seemed like everything wasn't going the way he'd planned. It's a shame that there's still some unresolved tension in the friend group that can't be put aside for one night.

"Yeah...Yeah alright. " Mike says in agreement, clearly just going along with whatever. He holds his hand out to Jess. "You want to go do that?"

She takes his hand mumbling, "Any place without that whore." Then Jess and Mike leave the lodge.

Matt does a mind exploding motion with a vocal sound effect. "Man, glad that's over." He says and Josh agrees. You overhear something about Emily losing her designer bag, so she and Matt end up leaving the lodge to go find it.

You start talking with Sam while you were waiting for Josh, presumably giving Mike the keys to the cabin. You ask her what she has planned for the night and she mainly just wants to take a bath and relax, which you find understandable. Afterwards she takes her leave to start a bath, leaving you, Chris, and Ashley.

"Alright, peanut gallery, you know what? I got an idea for you two." Josh turns to Chris and Ashley.

"What?" Ashley asks curiously and you look at Josh, interested in what's going on.

"Okay well, I am pretty sure that somewhere in this crazy place we used to have.. a spirit board." Josh claims.

"A what?" Ashley inquired in a worried tone while Chris was asking if he was serious.

"Yeah they're fun, right?" Josh replies and grins in response, but there was no way you were going to mess with a spirit board.

"Josh, you're kidding! You're not actually gonna use that thing, right?" You push him on the shoulder and he just laughs at your worried antics. "You can't mess with those." You continue to tell him.

"No, those things are a joke, man. They don't do shit." Chris brushes it off.

"No way, bro. We used to do it all the time. Me and..." Josh's voice trails off, "Well-" He's cut off by Sam returning from the bathroom upstairs, and maybe it's for the best. You could tell that the conversation was slowly leaning towards a sensitive topic; his sisters.

"Hey Josh,” she catches his attention, “No hot water's kinda major oversight dontcha think?" Sam reaches the bottom of the stairs and walks over to the rest of the group.

"Yeah yeah, just gotta fire up the boiler, it's in the basement." He responds, "You guys see if you can find the spirit board." Josh suggests, giving Chris and Ashley the task.

"Chris, let's go find it! It'll be like a scavenger hunt!" Ashley exclaims with Chris following right behind her.

"Just wait upstairs in the bathroom and I'll get the boiler working for you." Josh tells Sam and she nods, thanking him. “[Y/n], would you mind helping?" He turns to you, his eyes capturing yours and making you feel instant nervousness. It was something small, but it was Josh asking you to help him. And it made you feel useful to him.

"Of course!" You say, but you felt like you sounded a little too enthusiastic. You didn't want to seem too incredibly down bad, even though you kind of were.

“Alright, rad.” He gives you his signature lopsided grin, and to your surprise, grabs your hand in his and leads you from behind him. Your heart thumps wildly and your stomach fills with nervousness but also excitement. His larger hands were rough-in a sort of comfortable way. You didn’t mind though. He squeezes your hand gently as you both begin to walk, and it makes your body ignite with eagerness.

His actions did confuse you though, making you wonder if this was just a friendly gesture to help guide you through the dimly lit lodge or maybe something more. You wanted to say something, anything, but decided to just let it happen. You wanted to enjoy the moment.

He heads over to a desk, and pulls out a flashlight while he talks, still holding your hand firmly, “Hey, notice how I gave Chris and Ash a mission together? Yeah, I was thinking they could use some ‘alone time’~” He says the last part in a somewhat suggestive way. You roll your eyes, not too surprised Josh would do something like that

“They do seem very sweet together, they’d make the cutest couple.” You reply. Josh nods to your words. “I swear they just need, like, something to bond over, ya know? Some sort of traumatic event to send them into each other's arms. I mean at this rate they’ll be in the geriatric ward before Chris makes a move.” You softly scoff at his words, and he starts to walk with you hand in hand in the direction to the basement doors.

But before you two head in, he stops in front of you for a brief moment, a slight hint of seriousness in his tone as he talks, “Ya know [Y/n]..”

“Yes, Josh?” You say in a hushed tone, looking up at him curiously. Your mind was spinning from the eye contact, and it didn’t help that his fingers were still intertwined with yours. You mentally try to calm yourself down as he starts to walk again and continues, “I just wanted to say.. I…” He trails off, huffing out a sigh. You grow a little worried at his actions.

“What?” You inquire. He stops you and turns to face you once more. “It really means a lot to me that everyone came back this year and you know, that..You agreed to come along. Even without knowing anything about these people and seeing how they were a bit ago..” Your heart swells with warmth at his words. The way he was so sincere made a small smile appear on your lips.

“Josh, we’re here for you. Whatever you need, whenever. Just let us know. You can make it through this. All of us, together.” You give his hand a reassuring squeeze, and he nods-continuing on down the stairs to the basement as he quietly responds. “Um, I just want us to have a good time, ya know?” You hum in acknowledgement.

You guys finally arrive at the breaker, and Josh lets go of your hand. You felt a small sting of disappointment from the loss of the heat between your guy’s palms, but you quickly brushed it off, reminding yourself it was most likely a friendly gesture.

“Hey sorry to drag you down into the bowels, I know it’s kinda dark and creepy.” He says as he leans down a bit with his flashlight, looking at the switches and buttons. You shrug, looking around at the old movie props and other stuff lying around. Probably from his dad. “Nah, it’s all good. I��d rather be stuck with you anyways.” You admit. He smiles, a playful glint in his eyes as he glances over. “Oh yeah? Did you have some sort of activities planned for us?” You scoff, gently smacking his shoulder.

“In your wildest dreams.” you say and he hums, looking back at the breaker with that adorable smirk.

“I mean they can get pretty wild, if you’d be a willing participant in them, Marbles?” He says jokingly, but there was a tone behind his words that suggested otherwise-though you didn’t pick it up. “Yeah right, you just keep dreaming.” You walk behind him, patting his back as you look around some more.

You spotted a baseball bat and grew curious of it, picking it up and swaying it around slowly. You turn to Josh with it. “Be pretty rough playing baseball out in all that snow.” He stands up straight and takes the bat from your hands as you gesture it to him.

“No it wasn’t in the winter, silly. I mean we’d come up for the summer and we would have the best time-the whole family was there Mom, Dad,…” His voice grew a little sad, and his expression dropped a bit as he continued, “... my sisters– It was some serious competition out there on the big lawn…I don’t know.”

Your smile fades to a small frown at his words, feeling a little guilty for picking up the baseball bat and having him talk about his sisters.

“Can’t go back..New reality, right [Y/n]?” You nod, and you want to say something, to at least comfort him-but he continues on and switches the subject quickly, putting down the bat. “Anyway, I’m supposed to be fixing this old guy, right?” He fiddled with the switches but no luck. He hands you the flashlight and you hold it for him as he fixes the breaker.

You were hearing some strange noises though, but thought it was just the old pipes in the lodge and ignored it, for now. Afterwards, Josh heads over to another switch panel and you follow.

“Alright just turn this knob for the water pressure while I flip the switch, think you can handle that?” You roll your [e/c] colored eyes at him, which he always found so cute; your little sassy side. “Pretty sure I can, I’m not five.”

He shrugs, walking back to the breaker. “Could’ve fooled me.” You shake your head at his snarky retort and turn the knob. Loud noises come from it once you hit the turn on button, signaling the boiler was up and running.

“Alright, good job Marbles! Gimme five.” You laugh as you give him a high five, finding it adorable yet the corniest thing. He closes the doors to the breaker, but again you hear a strange noise. “What the hell was that?” You question as you look towards the sounds. “Could be a lot of things..And none of them nice..” He says the last part in a deep sultry voice as he caresses and tickles your shoulder. It sent fiery shocks through your body at his touch, but you were a little scared.

“C’mon Josh, be for real.” You say as you turn to face him, slightly serious. “I’m just.. Just ’Joshing’ ya.” He jokes. You give a sarcastic laugh at him, earning a small one from him. “You were really freaked out huh?” You thought for a moment, thinking on what you should reply with. You decided to get back at him. You look over his shoulder, putting on a serious expression of worry and concern.

“Oh my God..” You whisper quietly. “Don’t move-“

“What?” He asks, mimicking your hushed tone.

“Something’s behind you..” He smirks, raising a brow in disbelief. “Yeah right.”

“Holy shit, Josh..Seriously. There’s something back there.” He slowly turns around, and you let out an amused laugh. He turns back to you and scoffs, a sweet smile on his lips. “Alright alright I see your point.” Just after he said that, another bang came from somewhere in the basement.

“Okay, so I’m not tripping. You hear that shit too?” Josh slowly moves in front of you, looking towards the area of where the sound is coming from. “Josh..?” You ask, a little nervous. “..What?” He retorts back.

“The rhythm is weirdly regular..” You whisper.

“Not..No..Nothing regular about it.” he responds back.

You walk closer to him from behind. “Maybe we should, you know, check it out?”

“Why?” He questions as you two cautiously walk over to the sound.

“I dunno, what if it’s like, a pipe that’s about to burst or some problem with the furnace?” You say, reaching out to his arm to hold for emotional support. You were getting a little freaked out, and needed something, anything to hold onto. “Unlikely.” He replies.

Josh pretended not to notice your hands wrapped around his arm, but on the inside his heart was racing rapidly, his anxiousness from your touch ought weighing the anxiousness from the mysterious banging. You responded, “If it were me I wouldn’t want this place to burn down on my watch.”

“..Yeah, right.” He replies. You let go of his arm and walk further to the strange sounds. And just then, a figure in a dark robe popped out of the corner. “NOPE!” You turn around so fast it almost makes you dizzy and sprint away, making sure to grab Josh’s hand in the process to drag him along with you. You two bolted from the stranger as they chased you, while you knocked down objects in front of them to slow them down.

You two made it to the door leading out of the basement, but for some reason it was locked? ”Now why the FUCK is this locked?” You yelled. “T-To keep out strangers!” Josh stuttered out. He turns around and protectively sticks his arm out in front of you as the clothed figure approaches you two.

“Hey..” It mumbles.

“..What?” You breathlessly question.

“Heyyy!” It repeats, sounding like a man’s voice. It was oddly familiar.

“..WHAT THE HELL??” You shout.

“Boom!” They removed the hood of their cloak, and it was Chris. “You just got monked!” He proclaimed proudly.

”WHAT??” You exclaimed, feeling your fear and shock turning into anger and frustration. Josh only chuckles, “Nice. Nice one, that was good.”

You stutter for a second, the anxiety you were having building up. “Why w..Why would you do that?” As you start to lay into Chris, you see out of the corner of your eye Josh looking you up and down. His green eyes drinking up your frantic form, and the way you were scared to death. It was almost like he enjoyed it. He bit his lip a little as he continued to stare at you while you tore Chris up like chopping up a fruit.

You try to ignore the way Josh is basically fantasizing about you right then and there and turn to him angrily. “Was your ass in on this putz??” You shove his shoulder slightly.

“Nope. But I wish I was! That was too fuckin’ good.” Chris and Josh high five each other, while you watched in irritation.

You guys opened the door and left. Your annoyed state calmed down a bit, and you started to reflect on the events of what happened. “Alright I’m ready to admit that your dumb little prank may have had a slight whiff of humor to it.” You say to Chris. “Jokemaster!” He exclaims back. As you two bicker, Josh locks the basement door.

“Well I said nothing about jokes, I said your prank, which was dumb-“ You continue but Josh cuts you off.

“Holy shit you were scared. Admit it.” Josh says as he places the flashlight on a desk. “I was NOT.” You protest. “Oh come on, you totally pissed yourself.” Your face was starting to get red from being flustered at being the only one who was actually the most freaked out.

You hear Sam call up from the bathroom, “Hot water’s running! Thanks guys.” Finally, you hear the voice of an angel, the only person who you could tolerate at this moment.

You and Josh call out a ‘You’re welcome’ to her as Chris and Ashley were talking to each other. You stand in front of the staircase while Josh tends to the fire. Ashley asks if Chris found the ‘thingy’ and he pulled out an ouija board from the robe he was wearing, making a goofy ass cartoon sound effect as he did.

You shake your head, “Nooope nope nope, I refuse to take part in that. You guys can have fun getting possessed and getting featured in the next Conjuring movie, but I’m out.” Chris laughs at your skittish behavior towards the board. “Aww, is someone getting scared again?”

“No, I’m being smart. It’s basic knowledge not to fuck with spirits. You’re not always gonna have Casper the friendly ghost come through. And this is Native land, so I’ll continue to be respectful of that thank you very MUCH.” Chris raises his hands in defense, turning back to Ashley.

You start your way up the staircase after grabbing your bag, but Josh really wanted you to stick around. As you make your way up the second floor, he jogs from the fireplace to the stairs, and to you, gently grabbing your arm. “Oh c’mon, you can’t be that freaked out [Y/n].” You huff, closing your eyes and lifting your head up in a mock snobby manner as you ignore him-continuing down the hallway to a vacant room.

“Wait-are you still mad?” He asks, following behind. You enter a cozy room, the moonlight casting a beautiful glow. You turn on the bedroom light and set your bag down as Josh joins you. “Matter of fact, I am. That ‘prank’ scared me to death.” You reply and sit on the bed, removing your snow boots. He kneels down in front of you and helps remove your shoes, and you let him. It was the least he could do.

“Hey I know that was pretty terrifying, I mean hell I was scared there for a second. But that’s just how my friends and I are. We just like playing stupid and goofy tricks on each other. Sorry you got caught up in it, I should’ve warned you.” His gaze was focused on your shoelaces as he talked, untying them and then slipping off the boot-going to work on the next one. But you could tell he was sincere.

You give yourself a moment to take in the view of Josh kneeling before you, giving you thoughts that aren't innocent at all. It's almost like he's in a worshiping position, just for you. Once he is finished with your shoes, he leaves you with your socks, his beautiful green eyes looking up at you. You thought for a moment what it would've been like if he just kept going and started taking off your clothes, and from the looks of it Josh was thinking the same thing. But you knew his friends were out there waiting for him.

"It's okay, I just really scare easily. I may have overreacted a bit." You admit, trying to shake away the lewd thoughts from your mind. However, you couldn't help but stare at Josh's lips. You can only imagine what it would feel like kissing him.

“No, I get it. You were scared, it's understandable.” he gives you a smirk before adding on, “but I will keep the first thing you said in mind.”

“Hey, you ass!” You lightly kick him in the chest in a playful way and Josh just laughs at you.

“Seriously though, you really don't wanna join in on the spirit board?” Josh asks, rising from his kneeling position and now towering over you from where you sit on the bed.

“I don't know.. I'm scared of those things, like giving unknown evils a way into my life.” You bite your lip and look away, remembering all the horror movies, legends, and so-called rules of the ouija board that you've grown up hearing.

“Hey, it'll be fine. Nothing bad is going to happen. I've done it many times before.” He reassures you, putting a warm hand on your shoulder. You relish in the physical contact, craving more.

You ponder for a moment, wondering if you're really about to risk having a spirit haunt you over a hot man. But it's Josh, so how could you not give in?

“Alright, fine,” you relent and Josh lets out a childish ‘yesss!’, “I'm not going to play it though, I'll watch.” You add on at the end in a matter of fact tone.

“Okay okay that's fair,” He agrees, and you're glad he doesn't push you on it. Josh's hand that was once on your shoulder, glides down your arm to your hand, holding it in his. The feeling of his hand inconspicuously stoking down your arm sent shivers down your spine, making your stomach tingle with the need for more. You knew that Josh knew what he was doing. “Let's go.” He says, leading you up off the bed.

And Josh did know what he was doing. He has everything planned out, planned out as much as he could. Him kneeling on the ground to take off your shoes? He wanted a better look at you from below, in an intimate position. His light touches and stroking your arm? Hopefully it would send a big enough message that he's interested and down bad for you. He really does want you and from the looks of it, it seems like you're feeling it too.

When Josh was at the mental hospital, he just thought he was gonna be bored out of his mind and have to stay in that hellhole for a whole month with nothing to do besides having constant breakdowns and therapy sessions. But then you came along, and instantly he felt intrigued. You were breathtaking, even when you looked like you just got out of a fight with the embodiment of depression. You still had this vibe to you, like you still had this luring confidence and uniqueness to you under all that anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

As he grew to know you, he was even more infatuated. The way you would smile, the way your eyes would travel around while you disassociated, how your small little scratches to your arms would indicate that you were thinking of your self harm scars, he would take note and observe everything about you. He wanted you, he wanted to know everything going on in your head. And he wanted to know what you thought of him too. That’s why he invited you here, to his lodge.

Yes, he wanted to make all those fantasies he’s had about you come to real life after months of longing and having to stroke himself out to the thoughts to relieve his frustrations. But he also wanted to genuinely know more about you and your mentality. Overall, he just wanted time with you. He was, for the lack of a better word, obsessed with you.

With your hand in his, you both leave the guest room to regroup with Chris and Ashley. By the time you're in the room with him, Josh lets go of your hand and you find yourself craving more of his warmth.

“So you changed your mind?” Chris asks in a playful mocking tone, you just roll your eyes and smile.

“Nope, still not playing. But I'll watch.” You state and sit down at the table where the spirit board is getting set up. Josh is on your left, Chris is on your right, and Ashley is right across from you. You can't help but steal glances at Josh on your left, especially with how hot he looked with the candle light on him.

“To free yourself from the spirit world you must free your mind of all preconceptions, drop all inhibitions, and generally give yourself over entirely to the will of others, sublimating your every desire to the whims of the ‘spirit master’, which is me.” Chris reads the instructions but jokingly adds what he wants at the end.

“It doesn't say that.” Ashley responds to his antics.

“Aaanndd all present will remove their garments at my discretion-” Chris is cut off by Josh.

“Come on Chris, this is serious.”

“Oh I am deadly serious.” Chris says in a funny voice impression and puts his hands on his hips.

“Shush it, let's try this.” Ashley says, ready to get on with it and Josh adds a ‘Yes please’.

“Okay then, let's see what happens.” Chris surprisingly listens to them and continues, “Ashley, since you're a recent convert, why don't you be our medium for today?”

Even though you're just watching, you're starting to feel anxious and nervous about what could happen. You're worried if anything can happen to you from just being in the same room as people playing the spirit board. And you knew you were already making the wrong choice by choosing to put yourself around one. All those horror movies you grew up on really left an impression on you.

“Okay um.. Anyone there?” Ashley calls out, ”Will you reveal yourself to us… If you're there..?”

After a few seconds of waiting, you see the planchette start to move. “Oh my God, guys!” You exclaim and point in disbelief.

“Wait a minute.” Chris responds in a skeptical tone.

“Did you do that..?” Josh turns and asks Ashley but she immediately responds with denial.

“Oh it's moving again!” Chris comments before the planchette starts spelling out a word.

“H-” Ashley reads the first letter.

“Are you guys just messing around?” You ask, but your question remains unanswered. You aren't fully convinced, considering the jokes this friend group pulls on each other all the time.

“What's it spelling?” Josh is starting to sound more urgent, no longer emitting his laid back attitude which is starting to make you worry a bit more too. You shift in your chair from an uncomfortable and eerie feeling.

“Hold on-” Ashley tries to wait for the planchette to stop moving.

“How is this happening?” Josh continues sounding a bit more frantic, making you panic on the inside more. This is no longer feeling like a joke, and if it is one, it's a bad joke that's starting to mess with Josh. You thought Josh used spirit boards all the time?

“Are you moving it?” Chris asks as the planchette proceeds to move from letter to letter. He isn't convinced that this is actually real, probably due in part to not believing in the supernatural.

“I swear! It's just moving.” Ashley denied, but right as she said that, the word finished spelling.

“Holy shit…” Josh utters out and you sit in silent shock.

‘H - E - L - P’

“How are we supposed to help?” You questioned. you're clearly scared at this point, especially since it's your first experience with a spirit board.

“I don't know, what does it mean?” Ashley asks in response.

“We need to know who it is if we want to help them.” Chris adds on, and you look over to Josh to see his reaction which is unreadable at the moment.

“Who are you..?” Ashley questions the spirit board, waiting for an answer.

The pointer starts moving again and chaos ensues once more. Everyone started talking over each other in confusion, worry, and disbelief.

‘S - I - S - T - E - R’

This revelation makes your mouth open in shock. You don't know how to react so you just look over to Josh.

“Who’s sister?!” Josh asks in a firm voice, looking like he was trying to decipher what was going on.

“Oh c’mon is this for real?” Chris inquired, not believing what was going on.

“Shut up.” Josh snaps at Chris, “Ask who's sister.” You can tell Josh is getting serious, and you've never seen him in this type of way.

“Josh… it's.. it's gotta be-” Ashley is cut off but everyone here knows what she's insinuating.

“Yeah, okay well,” Josh turns to Ashley, “ask it which one!”

You put a comforting hand on Josh's knee. You don't know if it can really help, but it's the thought that counts, right? He gives you acknowledgment by sending a glance your way, almost analyzing your features.

“Ashley, ask who it is.” Chris says, dropping his playful attitude.

“Who are we speaking to…?” Ashley asks before continuing again, “Beth, is that you?”

Another wave of anxiety washes over you as you wait in anticipation. The planchette moves to confirm Beth's presence.

“Oh God.” Ashley utters in scared shock.

“This is messed up.” Chris shakes his head in disapproval.

“Josh, you don't need to play anymore..” You bring up, trying to get everyone out of the uncomfortable situation. Josh didn't look like he was doing too well.

“I'm fine.”

“Are you sure because we can stop-” Ashley is cut off by Josh, his eyes fixed at the spirit board.

“No.”

“Dude, it's cool-” Chris starts, but is interrupted before he can even suggest anything.

“I want to hear what it says.” Josh affirms, his eyes meeting Chris.

You're glad Chris and Ashley aren't trying to push him to continue playing, it's quite the opposite. However, you're surprised Josh wants to keep going in the first place. He's used spirit boards before though, so you assume it's for some sort of closure. His sisters are still technically missing, even though he told you he believes they’re dead.

“Think about it. If this is actually Beth, I mean, we can find out what happened that night.” Chris suggests.

“Beth… Oh Beth we want to apologize for what happened last year with Hannah and,” Ashley's voice starts breaking with sorrowful emotion, “if you can hear this, please please know that we are all so sorry.”

“You and Hannah. We're really sorry Beth, to both of you.” Chris adds on, taking accountability for something he had no control over and wasn't apart in.

You decide to stay silent. You didn't want to overstep any boundaries and you weren't involved with his sisters enough to have a say on anything. All you could do is observe and hope that anything doesn't trigger Josh in any way, but you think you're far past that point by now. His sisters were a triggering topic in general. The pointer starts to move again.

‘H - A - N - N - A - H K - I - L - L - E - D’

You let out an audible gasp, and Ashley follows suit. “I don't know if I can keep doing this.” Ashley admits.

“We have to.” Josh urges, not ready to give up just yet. You could tell this was important to him.

“Just- just stay calm. I think it's saying to us that someone killed Hannah..” Chris speculates.

Ashley asks how Hannah was killed. The tension in the room is thicker than ever and everyone seems to be on edge. The planchette spells out something about proof in the library before completely flying off board. You jump and let out a little yelp in response, covering your face to not get hit by it. Luckily, it flies past your face.

“You know what? This is bullshit. This isn't real.” Josh stands up from his chair with a distressed and shocked look on his face. He gives Chris and (mainly) Ashley an accusatory look. Probably because she was the only one out of all of them that was in on the prank last year. You stand up at the same time as him, ready to go after him if need be, but he doesn't pay too much mind to this, still freaked out by the current events. Hell, you don't even know if Chris and Ashley were joking. But from the looks of it, they wouldn't joke about something so serious. Especially such a touchy subject like his sisters. This had to be real.

“Josh, I don't know what's going on.” Ashley instantly claims and puts her hands up, voice shaky.

“Listen, I don't know– I don't know if you think messing with me is somehow going to help me deal with my grief or water but this is not cool.”

“Josh, no! You wanted to use the spirit board–” Ashley denies and tries to explain, but he clearly isn't having any of it.

“Josh..” You try to interject but It doesn't make too much of a difference.

“Hey calm down, it's not Ash’s fault.” Chris tries to reason with him to no avail, he's already making his way out of the room.

“I don't need this right now! Okay?! You guys are full of it!” Josh shouts, clearly upset before stomping down the stairs to leave the room.

“Should we go after him??” Ashley turns to ask you and Chris with a worried look.

“Don't worry about it, I got him.” You answered, gaining a nod from Chris and Ashley.

You leave down the same stairs Josh did, hoping to find him and somehow help. If he doesn't want help, you'll give him his space. You can hear Chris and Ashley’s discussion of the events that just took place growing further and further away as you look for Josh. You just hope you can make a difference.

[a/n]: next chapter is gonna be supper juicy and smutty so get ready 👌🏽

- 🦈&🦇

[kaiser1ns]

#. LIKE A BOY IN LUV

featuring 𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗮𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗼 𝘅 𝗳𝗲𝗺!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

fluff + slight angst + slight suggestive. welcome to the top 10 moments in your relationship with the one and only yamato!

word count :: 3,4 k. he may be a little bit ooc but we all love him anyway

DATING ENDO YAMATO is its own category of experience. You wanted a boyfriend, but instead, you got a loyal, loving, wild man who's always by your side with open arms, gift bags, and tons of surprises because he's unpredictable and you never know what he's thinking and what he's going to do.

"You remind me of Alice in Wonderland." walking in the park enjoying the pleasant night air when he spoke squeezing your hand and making you turn your gaze to him. He was smiling, what he was saying clearly really mattered, even if it came out of nowhere. "And I'm the Chesire Cat. I'm always there for you, even when I'm not." Now that you thought about it, he really did resemble the fantasy character. A grinning cat who teaches Alice "the rules" of Wonderland — him teaching you how the delinquent world works. Sarcastic and playful, he can appear and disappear in any location. He is quick to play jokes on others, he is mad, but unlike the others, he admits it with pride. But despite that he is giving you advice on which path to take during your journey called life, practically acting as your wise guide to the point where you're overly joyous to see him every time.

HIS KISSES ARE ALWAYS surprising and unexpected. One day he will kiss you like there's no tomorrow, fast but smooth because he can't get enough of you, the flavor of your lipstick is long gone when you feel his lips making rough motions, a little biting on your lower lip. His hands can't find a place on your body, but you are still as close as ever. He smiles into every kiss, and you can feel it, you can feel his love.

But there are occasions when he takes his time with you. There is no rush or insatiability, only you and him under the dim lights. Slowly, everything is so slow that it makes you dizzy. He kisses you everywhere starting from your face, and then your lips are doing a slow dance, so captivating that they make you want more of him. Your hands play with his hair and his holding you tight on your waist, giving it a light squeeze once in a while, because this is where you are supposed to be. Every part you are insecure about, he will kiss it. Every beauty mark or scar you don't seem to adore, he will kiss it. He will take all of your insecurities and pain away just by worshiping you — you are a Goddess and should be treated as such. Loving someone, and devoting yourself to them takes time, but for him, time has stopped and only you exist in that moment. Only you are important and he will show how deeply he has fallen for you.

HE IS OBSESSED WITH YOU to the point where there was no way out, and you liked that, seeing someone go out of their way to make sure you were okay. But that didn't mean you didn't give him anything in return. Often your dates were outside, whether in a coffee shop, a mall, or an arcade, and every time he paid, it made you uncomfortable and guilty. There was no need for him to pay for everything, but he insisted that you keep your money. And so you saved every bill and penny to give him the perfect birthday surprise when he gets home. 

You planned this for months, knowing exactly what would make him happiest. dolling yourself up, every detail perfect, every thought just for him. The apartment was dark, lit only by the soft glow of candles and the path of rose petals leading to you. You stood there, holding the cake with his favorite flavor, your lips curved into a smile so genuine and full of love that it lit up the room brighter than any candle.

When he opened the front door, his eyes widened in shock, then softened in pure affection. He followed the path slowly, taking in every petal, every flicker of the candles, but mostly he took in you. “Happy birthday, my love!” you whispered, your voice a melody just for him. For a moment, he was speechless. no words could convey the overwhelming emotions flooding through him. Your home was transformed, but you were the true gift. He couldn’t help the tears that welled up in his eyes — tears of pure joy. He wasn’t Endo Yamato, the prodigy, or the man who carried the world for others. He was just your Yamato, your boyfriend who deserved to be loved so deeply and sincerely.

Without saying a word, he gently set the cake aside and pulled you into a tight embrace, kissing you with all the love he had to offer. “You are the best gift in my life.”

ENDO YAMATO TAKES YOU TO A POOL HALL at least a few times a month and you still haven't learned how to play. But it didn't matter to him as long as he spent time with you and now it was your turn, he was leading you with the points, of course. "Come on, sweets. you can do it." Easy to say, but hard to achieve. You bent down and set the cue, the angle was perfect and you just had to hit the white ball using moderate force. Yes, but no. The white ball went in instead of the colored one and you heard your boyfriend laugh.

"Let me help you then.” He came up behind you, his body touching yours as he placed his hands on top of yours, caging you in his strong arms. You swallowed hard too, not that you weren't used to physical contact with him but it just felt different now. "It's simple, doll. You just have to aim well and hold the pole firmly, but not too hard. And then–” and your ball went into the pocket, but only because he controlled your movements. “You score!” he pulled away from you but you could still feel his warmth. "No matter how hard I try I can't…” but that's okay because no matter if you can or not, he is always the winner, but you won his heart. Fair enough, right?

EVEN A SECOND WHERE HE hasn't seen you, heard you or doesn't know where you are will drive him crazy, and at the moment you were neither picking up your phone nor answering his messages and he was expressing emotions he didn't know he had. Your boyfriend had a lot of trust in you, he never had doubts for a second but when you come home drunk, you don't know where you are, your hair is messy, your makeup is smudged and you can barely walk on those heels. He couldn't help thinking of something he shouldn't. You hiccuped as you tried to take them off and even though he was feeling a thousand new emotions of anger he still helped you up and left you lying on the couch. “Yamato~ I missed you!” if you didn't smell like someone else's perfume he would tell you the same thing. Endo poured water for you and there were pills on the side in case you got sick as he sat next to you but not as close as usual. 

“You were with someone else?” you couldn't even understand the question, you couldn't understand what situation you were in right now, and that smile of his was gone. Rubbing hands over your eyes, you stood up from a lying position. "I was with my girl friends. I told you a few days ago.” 

You groaned, trying to sit up, but the room spun in all directions, the lights seemed too bright, his voice too loud. "Yamato... I told you," you muttered, fumbling with your words. His usual cheerfulness was replaced by something you hadn't seen before—jealousy, frustration, anger? It didn't feel like him. "I was with my friends... and their cousin drove us home. He was just looking out for us. That's it. Nothing else," you repeated, blinking up at him, trying to steady your thoughts through the alcohol haze.

He wasn't convinced. Crossing his arms, tapping his feet, glancing at your phone—dead and useless. "Convenient, isn't it? You come home smelling like some guy, looking like you’ve been out all night doing God knows what, and your phone is dead. How am I supposed to believe you when all I see is the opposite?"

You winced at the accusation, your heart pounding harder now from more than just the headache. "Yamato, you know me. I wouldn’t—"

"Do I?" he interrupted, voice harsher than ever before. "Because right now, I think I judged you too fast from the start." His words cut deeper than anything you'd ever imagined he could say. He never doubted you, never questioned your loyalty, and now? 

Tears blur your vision as exhaustion overwhelms you. "I don't care if you believe me or not right now. Go crash at your place or Takiishi's, clear your head, do whatever. I just... I can't do this now." You tried standing, wobbling slightly as you grabbed the doorknob on the front door, holding yourself steady. “If I'm such a person to you, then why are you still here?”

Endo stared at you, his anger softening into something that looked like regret, but he didn’t need another push. You looked and were sure in what you said, and he started something he couldn't finish. Grabbing his shoes, he stormed out as you slammed the door so hard, that the whole apartment seemed to shake—but nothing compared to the ache in your chest. Crumbled to the floor, sobbing, it was clear: the person you loved most had just hurt you in a way you never imagined

ARGUMENTS WITH ENDO YAMATO are bad, and by that, I mean really bad. You blocked him in every social media app, and his number because you don't want to see or hear him. Even blocked him on Roblox and unfriended him in any game you both played. You just need rest to gain your composure, to focus on your mentality, and not have him suffocating you with his obsessive tendencies. It doesn't get any better when you suddenly receive an email from ilovelnynsomuch202839@gmail.com with the title "i miss you, please don't be mad." with a written roman in the text field saying how sorry he is, how he will make sure not to do that anymore and how much he loves you and if you can open the door because he is freezing. 

You can't believe this man and how he will do everything to be with you. Your eyes widen as you go to the window of your apartment and see him there, wearing only a top and jeans, for all his outer garments are in your wardrobe, and you are wearing one, despite saying you hate him. But he will withstand the cold, he always withstands absolutely anything, and to be away from you seemed like torture. You felt another vibration from your phone and it was him again, sending you another email. "i know you see me and i'll sit here as long as it takes♡"

He has no idea the way he makes you feel, you still let him in your heart, and in your home after two hours of him sitting on the bench and when you go to open the door for him, he is hugging you tight, he will never let you go, never make you mad again.

THE TYPE OF BOYFRIEND WHO DOES TIKTOK TRENDS with you, will it be dancing, putting a finger down, or when his whole face is covered in red prints from your lips and lipstick. Almost everything is done. He liked the new trend, especially the song, and part that was on every edit that came out on the for you page. According to him, it perfectly described your relationship and how not to take a video of you fixing yourself in the bathroom mirror putting on some make-up while he was behind you, phone in hand, and the music playing.

“Back to the kitty, 'cause she's kinda pretty. I couldn't stop lookin’ at her ta-ta-ta…” he panned the camera and you saw his reflection moving the phone to your chest and then to your face after you were done with the lipstick and he smiled in the mirror. “Face.” You didn't pay much attention to him, not when you were doing the same thing when there was trendy couple stuff. Flipping the front camera around and quickly set up the phone on the counter as he then quickly walked behind you again and wrapped his arms around your waist, his tattoos on full display as your hands were on his.

“Me and cat mama rolled into the distant fog,” he was looking straight into the mirror where your eyes met and he just smirked, kissing your neck and then looking down at the camera, gently squeezing your torso before the last line came out from the phone.

“Little did she know I'ma nasty dog.” his hands went up to grab your chin and turn your face to his so he could kiss you. The clip was done and you didn't know how many times the audio would repeat, but he wasn't done at all. He held you tight, and he didn't stop, and you were out of breath but your hands went to his chest and pushed him to get the hint. You both couldn't catch your breath because you just had a little make-out session in the bathroom. He went to turn the phone off before saving the video and looking back at you. “Want to ditch the others and continue in the be–?” 

“Yes.” you didn't have to think so much, you were categorical and so was he. Noroshi can have fun themselves fighting people left and right while your boyfriend will show you a different type of fun.

BEING HIS GIRLFRIEND MEANT THAT you are used to hanging out with Takiishi Chika a lot too. You were at the mall, purchase after purchase but you two didn't hold any bags, Endo held everything, and even when you wanted to get something he insisted that a princess like you should hold nothing but a pretty smile on her face. The redhead didn't even look back, he didn't care but you did. “Chika, stop." for some reason he listened to you, maybe it was because you had known each other since childhood and had a great influence on him. It might not matter that much to him, but thanks to him, you met Endo and more or less he had to be nice to him. 

You went to get some bags from Endo, giving them to Takiishi who hadn't reached his hand out at all. At first, the two of you made eye contact, your eyes more insistent than his as he looked away, losing this fight as he took the bags from your hands and you smiled sweetly. “Thank you, Chika.” Turning to your boyfriend who was stunned at how you got none other than Takiishi Chika to carry his own shopping bags. He blushed and laughed a little at this heroic deed of yours. He didn't know how you even did it, how you had such a huge influence over the two of them, especially him. One of his hands was now free and you grabbed it as you started to walk forward. “What a woman you are. Please, teach me your ways.”

HIM HAVING TATTOOS MEANS ONLY ONE THING and that is you can turn him into a coloring book. Sitting on his lap, his arms outstretched and you were creating art – pink, purple, blue, whatever markers and eye shadows were on his buffy arms. You were very focused on making his scorpion tattoo shine, literally because you put pink glitter on it and drew a cute little face. "My nose itches." looking up at the ceiling, wiggling his nose as you carefully made a ribbon on the scorpion's tail, "You have to wait, baby." Of course, he had to wait for the good things, and art is a slow and painstaking process in which the artist shows and expresses their emotions in the paintings. He let out a soft sigh, knowing he had no choice but to endure it if he wanted to keep you happy. His body was a canvas that you could look at all day, it was so intoxicating, he had chosen interesting designs, and how he arranged them ... just beautiful.

“Isn’t it the palette you just bought?” The compass tattoo on his right hand now gleamed with bright colors, and the flames were reddish and fiery, as they reflected your burning love for him. “Yes. Now let me focus, please.” You smiled as you turned the star on his middle finger into a vibrant one with cute eyes, straight out of Super Mario. For the grand finale, you applied some eye shadow to the infinity symbol tattoo on his neck, turning it into a delicate pink bow. "Go look at yourself in the mirror!" you quickly got up from his lap, gently taking his hand with yours so as not to smudge anything.

"It's like a unicorn threw up on me," he grinned, running a finger over his colorful scorpion. He turned slightly to the side to see his back, the Frank tattoo he had with Takiishi was colored in pretty blue hues. "Cute." He gave you a quick peck. Maybe he should let you do this more often—it definitely made you happy.

ENDO YAMATO LOVED TO ANNOY YOU as much as he loved to make you happy. No matter where or when he nagged at you every second you ignored him – maybe because you wanted to take a nap on this lovely afternoon after a stressful and busy day. To have some peace and quiet, but no, someone decided to give you light pokes on the butt, making you let out a heavy sigh. You were almost close to drifting off into the world of dreams, you were so snuggly wrapped up in the blanket, cuddling with the stuffed toy, until someone named Endo Yamato decided it was a good idea to wake you up. "Stop it. Either go to sleep or go annoy Chika." But the touches didn't stop even when you turned on your other side, you mumbled something, it sounded a little like you were screaming into your pillow. You stood up angrily and threw the stuffed toy and pillow at him. "Leave me alone!"

"It will never happen, not even in your dreams." it was your last drop of patience, the last string you could pull as you pushed him off the bed with all your might and he fell on the ground with a loud thud, "Stay down in Hell." Wrapping yourself in the blanket again, and though your pillow was on the ground with him, his was still on the bed, and by the time you placed it under your head, Endo, with all his weight and insolence, lay on top of you. You started banging your hand on the mattress like a time-out because you couldn't breathe. He rose as you gasped and quickly flipped him over, straddling him with your legs as he held your wrists. “Yamato, I will kill you in every possible way.” "Don't, I'm going to like it." that nasty lovely smile on his dumb-looking handsome face, you just wanted to wipe it off and when you realized the position you were in, your nerves just couldn't take it. How can he annoy you and want extra attention only when you are sleepy? You immediately stood up but his arms pulled you down laying on his chest and his heart was beating like crazy because he had fallen madly for you…or in this case, you fell for him. Your breathing started to calm, your eyes closing, his fingers playing with your hair making you relax as much as possible "I love you, you know…" he whispered, wrapping his arms around you and leaving a kiss on your forehead. "I know."

Snuggling into him, but how much more as you were already a part of him, forever and always. "But you'll still be sleeping on the couch." he only hummed in response, slowly drifting to sleep but he knew your love was better than any dream because you were his entire world, the one that made him, the hopeless boy, experience something real.

taglist :: @maruflix @heartkaji @17020 @stunie @kazuhaiku @meidiary @nyxypoo @mydream-synopsis @slerixx

©2024 kaiser1ns do not copy, repost or modify my work

[charmandabear]

Office Hours - Chapter Six

Summary:

Astarion surprises you with a night at the theatre that doesn't go quite according to your plan.

Pairing: Astarion/F!Reader Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4.7k Tags/Warnings: rough/angry sex, hair pulling, emotional manipulation, dubcon, bad BDSM practices, angst, daddy kink, reminiscent of Ascended!Astarion, discussions of domestic abuse (in Taming of the Shrew)

Hi. Hello. My sweets. My darlings. This is it. The chapter where you absolutely must mind the tags. Just know that I won't take you anywhere that we won't be able to come back from. Know that I, too, am an absolute baby when it comes to intense subject matter in fics. But I want you to take care of yourselves and your hearts. As always, shoot me a message if you'd like more specifics.

Photo credits: Zaria for Green Pussy Suit Astarion and Nephi Garcia for the incredible dress.

Read on AO3 ~ Masterlist

“In the library? Babes, are you insane?” Shadowheart's voice reaches a pitch you’re fairly sure only dogs can hear. You curl your knees into your chest and cover your face in your hands, feeling the exact appropriate amount of shame.

“I know, I know. All logic goes out the fucking window around him. All I can think is ‘mm, good dick makes brain go brr.’” You let out a frustrated sigh into your hands.

“Do you want to get fired?” She pulls your hand from your face so you can't hide from her pointed stare.

“Oh trust me, I ran about forty different scenarios of that happening through my head on the drive home.”

“Did you, now? And in how many of these did he also get fired?” Shadowheart presses, knowing how your anxiety can get out of hand.

“Like, two,” you groan and drop your head back onto the couch cushions. “I don't know what comes over me. I feel like I can't tell him no.”

“Wait, wait.” Shadowheart grips your knee, suddenly worried. “You can't tell him no as in it feels too good to stop? Or as in it doesn't feel safe to say no?”

“Nine hells, no, the first one!” you respond, horrified. She squints at you and you squirm under her gaze until you’re finally more truthful, both with her and yourself. “Well, I mean, mostly. Like it's not like that. But like also not not like that, you know?”

“I can assure you I do not,” she says in a flat voice, not interested in joking around. You sigh dramatically, trying to find the right words to describe how you feel.

“Like. Okay. Am I fully consenting to everything we do? Yes. 100%. Oh gods, yes.” Your cheeks tinge pink even thinking about it. “But like… am I going against my best judgment? Do I feel like I should say no? Does part of me kinda wish I would say no? Like… maybe?”

“Tav, that's not okay. You need to talk to him about this.” Shadowheart’s voice is soft with genuine worry. Which is ridiculous, because she’s focusing on the wrong thing.

“No, see, that's the thing. It's not actually a him issue, it's a me issue. Like there's something wrong with me, I see his most toxic traits and suddenly I'm like a horny teenager!” Your voice increases in pitch as you grow more hysterical. “How am I supposed to call him out on it when the only words that will come out of my mouth are ‘yes daddy, more please’?”

“Is there anything redeemable about him at all? Besides being good in bed?” She leans back, taking a sip of her wine and fixing you with an incredulous look. 

“I mean… yeah. He’s witty, and bantering back and forth with him is fun. He’s incredibly smart, as loath as I am to admit it, and I like hearing his ideas on things, especially his interpretation of Shakespeare’s text.” You don't even notice the smile growing on your face, but Shadowheart does. “And he’s got this unexpectedly soft side. Like he seems cold and aloof on the outside, but he cares, deeply. About his students, about his cat, about-”

“About you?” she interjects, and your smile falters.

“I don't know, Shade,” you say quietly, almost ashamed to look her in the eye. “I think so. I hope so. But it's not like we've been seeing each other for that long, he’s under no obligation to feel anything.” You practically swallow the last sentence, a truth you're reticent to voice. 

“And you?” she asks softly.

“Man, I don't fucking know. I just want to keep getting laid and not catch feelings, is that so much to ask?” you whine. She laughs, but you can tell that she's only humoring you.

“For you? Probably.”

***

It's been several days and your busy schedules have kept you and Astarion apart for most of it. Save the occasional tension-filled passing in the hall, you've barely interacted at all. You're almost beginning to believe that your whirlwind affair has come to an end when you find a mystery package at your apartment door.

It's made out to you with no discernable return address. You bring the box into your apartment while examining it, trying to ascertain its origin. It doesn't even really look like it was sent through the mail, it looks like it was dropped off.

You take out your phone and call down to the front desk. It rings a few times, then a somber voice answers.

“What dost thou require?” His voice is deep and crackled, like some ancient eternal being.

“Hi Withers, it's Tav in 3C. Do you know anything about this package that was left at my door?”

“I have inspected it, and determined it safe for you to open. It was brought by someone claiming to be a friend.”

“Can you tell me anything about this someone?”

“No.”

And the line goes dead. You laugh and shake your head. If Withers says it's safe, then it probably is. You’d trust that wrinkly old man with your life, honestly. You cut open the tape sealing the box shut and lift off the top.

Inside is something wrapped in tissue paper with a note stuck to it in Astarion's immaculate handwriting. 

Tomorrow evening The Rosewood Seven o’clock Wear nothing underneath

You let out a small involuntary moan when you read the last three words. You carefully unwrap the tissue paper to find a fabric that looks like it's made of starlight. You pull out the midnight black dress and go slightly breathless when you get a good look at it. 

It’s a backless dress with a sweetheart neckline and intricate gold embellishments that almost make it look like armor. It has a lavish gold neck piece attached by several gold chains that drip over the skin. The skirt is made of a weightless black fabric that shimmers with gold as you move it in the light. It almost appears to be cut into two panels with dual hip-high slits.

With a dress cut like this, you wouldn't be able to wear undergarments even if you wanted to.

Your heart hammers in your chest as you think about what he might have in store for you. You're not even sure what's running at the Rosewood right now, but it could be complete trash and you wouldn't even care. You probably won't even be able to pay attention, too distracted by Astarion sitting next to you for two hours.

You feel a pulsing between your legs at the thought. You think of his hand sliding up your knee while you struggle to keep a straight face. Or him reaching an arm around you, gently sliding his fingers into your hair before giving it a sharp tug.

Another moan works its way out of your throat and you follow it up with an annoyed groan. You can really get swept up at the most inconvenient times. It’s not like you don’t have any work you need to do or anything. You roll your eyes as you stalk off to draw a bath.

***

Waiting in the lobby of the theater, you’re feeling surprisingly nervous. The dress, though beautiful, is not particularly comfortable. With all of its various chains and pieces, you needed Shadowheart’s help just to put it on. It helps that she’s also incredibly talented when it comes to hair and makeup, so in truth you feel positively glamorous. 

When you see Astarion, however, everything goes silent. You’re certain that he’s posing for you the way he’s stopped to adjust his cuff. The cut of the suit he’s wearing is exceptionally flattering and you imagine running your hands all over the emerald velvet. His crisp white button down is almost sheer and you desperately want to pull him into you by that forest green silk tie. 

But you can’t tear your eyes away from his face. This is the first time you've seen him wear makeup, and the simple smokey eyeliner look makes his red irises pop. He’s decided to forgo his glasses, presumably opting for contacts instead to show off the makeup. He’s also swapped out his standard silver hoops for little daggers with a red rhinestone glimmering at the hilt. 

He looks up at you the moment you lay eyes on him, or more specifically, the moment your heart starts to beat out of your chest. He flashes you a devastating smile before striding up to you and pulling you into a deep kiss. You can’t even be bothered to care that the other patrons are probably staring as he slides his hand onto your bare lower back, his cool touch sending a shiver up your spine.

He pulls away from you just enough to breathlessly ask, “Are you ready to sit down?”

“Huh?” You’re distracted, too busy plotting a mental path to the bathrooms to fuck him. He lets out a winded chuckle.

“The play. House is open, would you care to find our seats?” His palm is still pressed against your back and you can barely form coherent thoughts. You still don’t even know what play you’re here to see. You just want—no, need—to be near him.

“Um, yeah,” you respond, still trying to get your bearings and remind yourself how to be a person. You let him lead you into the theater, and only once you're in your seats do you realize that neither of you grabbed a program. You pull out your phone to see if you can look it up, but service in the Rosewood is notoriously bad. Instead you just need to sit still next to Astarion, who looks like a dream and smells even better. 

He glances at you as your heart quickens again and his lips curl into a smile. He slips his hand behind your neck and lightly runs his finger along the seam between the golden collar of the dress and your flesh, sending goosebumps down your arms. He leans toward you until his lips are almost brushing your ear. 

“You look absolutely ravishing, my dear,” he whispers, his breath tickling your earlobe. You turn your face toward him on instinct, your chest heaving as you try to steady your breathing. Your lips hover inches apart, anticipating the kiss, when suddenly a throng of noisy actors come barreling down the aisles. You snap away from Astarion as the cacophony of their shrieks of laughter, calls across the audience to one another, and drunken banter fill the house.

One of them clambors onto the stage and shouts, “For God’s sake, a pot of small ale!” He’s dressed in rags and appears by far to be the drunkest of them all. Three servingmen swarm him with various shouts of, “Will’t please your honor?” He shoves them all away and proudly takes up space center stage.

“I am Christophero Sly! Call not me ‘Honor’ nor ‘Lordship,’” he bellows as the rest of the players make their way onto the stage.

Christopher Sly… you’re wracking your brain to remember which play he serves as a framing device for. Most productions cut this scene because it’s long and completely irrelevant. You just can’t for the life of you remember which play he appears in.

The scene continues with their drunken antics and slapstick comedy as the players address Sly as “my noble lord,” making him believe he’s a king that they’re about to perform for. Eventually they carry Sly out on a makeshift palanquin as the “play within the play” begins. Two handsome young men in preppy clothes enter, holding a book and wearing glasses that aren’t too dissimilar from Astarion’s round metal ones. The one without the glasses speaks first.

“Tranio, since for the great desire I had to see fair Padua…”

Tranio? Isn’t he one of the characters in Taming of the Shrew?

He knows you don’t like this play.

Well, if it’s all that’s playing at the Rosewood right now…

But if that’s the case why not just, like, see a movie?

You shift uncomfortably in your dress and cast your gaze towards Astarion. He smiles, taking your fingers and placing a gentle kiss on your knuckles before turning back to the stage. He keeps your hand in his, absentmindedly stroking the back of your hand with his thumb. 

You can feel your heart pounding in your ears and you find yourself wondering what’s running through his head. Just when you think you have him figured out, he does something to surprise you. And honestly, not always in a good way.

Maybe it won’t be so bad. You know the creative team at the Rosewood wouldn’t pick this show if they weren’t going to try to do something with it. 

But even still… is this text even redeemable?

You sit through the entirety of the show cringing as the audience around you laughs at flagrant displays of domestic abuse. The actors, several of whom you’ve worked with before, are trying their hardest to make the lines playful, but some things just can’t be recovered. Between the forced starvation, physical intimidation, and gaslighting, you wonder why companies even bother performing this play anymore. No matter how witty the writing is, it’s just too out of date to be a good season choice.

When the time comes for Kate’s final monologue, you watch in pain as the actress tries to wink-wink-nudge-nudge her way through lines like “place your hands below your husband’s foot.” She’s young, and you wonder if this is one of her first professional gigs. You get a little sad knowing that she’s probably just desperate to do anything, even if it’s trash.

Maybe you’re being a little harsh. All of the individual elements of the show—the acting, set, costumes, direction, lighting—were quite good. You just can’t get over how irredeemable this text is. Worth teaching, yes, and maybe even taking Act II out of context just for the fun banter and clever wordplay. But professional theatre companies should really just retire this one.

In the Lyft back to your apartment, you decide to get Astarion’s take on the matter.

“Do you think it’s possible to redeem a text like Taming in a modern age?”

He pauses for a moment, continuing to look away from you and out the window.

“I do, yes,” he finally answers. “I think it takes a skilled hand, but it can be successful when done well.”

You sit on his response, chewing it over. You decide to take a different route.

“I guess a better question is do you think it’s worth trying to? Like, what are we getting out of it anymore?”

“Is entertainment not enough?” he says with a laugh. You wrinkle your nose at him.

“Sure, if you’re a basic ass bitch. But I want my art to mean something. And I can’t think of what this play can possibly mean if it’s not ‘shrill women are annoying and should learn their place.’” You cross and uncross your legs, trying to keep yourself decent.

“Last I checked, you enjoy being put in your place,” he says in a low hum and your pussy betrays you with a clench. 

“Shut up,” you grumble, and you’re grateful that the dark car hides your reddening cheeks. “It’s different.”

“Is it, though? Ultimately it is a text about two dysfunctional people finding comfort in one another.” His sincerity catches you off guard, and almost makes you angry that he’s been taken in by the propaganda.

“That’s only a valid interpretation if you ignore half of what happens in the play. They’re not equally dysfunctional, Kate literally gets beaten into submission and pretends to be happy about it. Petruchio is exactly the same from the start to the finish, he has no fucking character arc.” Your hands start to shake as you try to keep your cool. You’ve had this conversation far too many times with men who think they can interpret out the sexism by simply glossing over Kate’s abuse.

The Lyft stops in front of your building and you thank the driver as you get out. Astarion follows you, and you’re not even sure if you want him to accompany you upstairs. But you remain silent as you walk past Withers and into the elevator.

“You’re overreacting,” Astarion says once the elevator doors close. “People are drawn to this play for a reason. The text is excellent, and no one truly thinks of Petruchio as an abuser.”

“Are you joking?” Your voice gets shrill and the similarity to Kate isn’t lost on you. “The whole thing normalizes his abuse. The fact that people don’t think of him as an abuser is the problem.”

“It’s a slapstick comedy,” he snaps, his voice growing stern. “Are you going to tell me that we need to cancel the Three Stooges because it promotes violence?”

“Don’t be fucking condescending,” you spit. “It’s not the same and you know it.”

“How is it not the same? Suddenly because it’s a woman in the role it no longer counts? Are you implying that women should be barred from certain types of performance because of their gender?” He walks past you into your apartment and you throw your keys and bag on the counter, not even bothering to see where they land.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying, now you’re just twisting my words,” you grumble, more frustrated than ever by your inability to match his eloquence.

“So use your own words,” he sneers, whirling around to face you. “How is it not the same?”

“It’s because- well, I- It’s different, just- argh!” Your head is clouded by your attraction to him, which has annoyingly only grown over the past few minutes of shouting. You’re suddenly reminded of the smug arrogant bastard that you first met. He lets out a jeering laugh.

“See? You can’t even defend your own point.” 

His sardonic cruelty sets something off in you and you angrily grab the lapel of his green suit. Your intentions are a complete mystery even to you, because as soon as you’re within inches of one another, instincts take over. You crush his lips into yours and pull him backwards until you thump against the door behind you. He paws hungrily at the dress, sliding his hand under the slit and around to grab your bare ass. You gasp into his touch, feeling equally frustrated and aroused that he even controlled what you wore tonight.

Your fingers make their way into his hair and you pull hard, breaking the kiss and leaving his mouth open, panting. His eyes are sparkling with a fire that you haven’t seen yet and a low growl manifests in your throat. He smirks and buries his teeth into your shoulder, something he usually asks bespoke permission for. You cry out in response, twisting your hands tighter into his silvery locks.

He unlatches from your shoulder and pushes his knee past the front of your skirt and up onto your bare cunt. You grind wantonly against the velvet as he kisses you with bloody lips. He grabs hold of the delicate chains of the dress and yanks, detaching them from the collar and making the entire bodice crumple and pool around your waist. Your nipples immediately harden at the sudden exposure to cold air and he pinches one sharply between his fingers. Your hips roll into his leg as you groan, fully ruining his pants. He continues to bite around your neck and shoulders, placing little puncture wounds in his path, marking you as his.

You grab onto his tie and push him away so you can shimmy out of the rest of the dress. You’re now down to just the gold collar of the dress and your heels, a look you wish you could hate but don’t. You pull him across your living area and toward your bedroom, shoving him down onto the edge of the bed. 

“Thou hast hit it, come, sit on me,” he says, quoting Petruchio with a sinister grin. Kate’s retort falls out of your mouth reflexively.

“Asses are made to bear, and so are you,” you hiss as you straddle his hips, wrapping his tie around your hand until you’ve gripped it up to the knot. Your other hand violently unbuckles his belt, yanking it through the loops with a snap.

“Women are made to bear, and so are you,” he says with a caustic laugh, digging his nails into your ass cheeks. You tug sharply on his tie, bringing his lips close to yours.

“No such jade as you, if me you mean,” you snarl and silence him with an angry kiss. You don’t want to encourage his idiotic behavior, but you’d be lying to yourself if you said this wasn’t a fantasy you’ve had before. You fumble with the buttons of his suit jacket, trying to get him undressed as quickly as possible. You’re not sure if you feel more vulnerable or more powerful being undressed while he’s still fully clothed, but either way you want him naked, now. You get about three buttons into his shirt before you grow impatient, ripping it the rest of the way open and sending buttons flying. 

Good. Let him need to repair his clothes for once.

You push him flat onto his back and descend onto his chest, alternating kisses, licks, and bites. Your dull human teeth don’t have nearly the same effect as his fangs, but it just means you get to bite twice as hard in order to leave a mark. He writhes beneath your touch, and you feel a twisted satisfaction at the quiet little grunts and gasps you’re finally pulling from him. He’s rarely this vocal during sex, and it’s only serving to spur you on more.

His groans build until you capture his nipple in your teeth and bite down, causing him to shout and buck his hips up into you. In a flash he flips you around onto your back and he bears down on you, eyes dangerous. 

“Little love, do you think you’re in control?” he asks in a low growl, his hand gripped around your jaw. You sneer and slide your leg against the strained bulge in his pants. He hisses and your smile widens.

“Right now? Yes,” you coo, continuing to press your calf against his velvet-covered cock. You grab the tie still hanging around his neck and pull him close. 

“If you want it back, fucking take it.”

If I put my hands around your wrists, would you fight them?

He kisses you roughly, catching your bottom lip in his teeth biting hard enough to puncture the skin. He pulls back slightly, a drop of your blood running down his chin and a snide grin. He makes like he’s about to kiss you again but shoves your face away before your lips make contact.

This is the worst you’ve ever seen him—the most arrogant, the most condescending, borderline cruel even. And you have never been more turned on.

If I put my fingers in your mouth, would you bite them?

“Is that all you’ve got?” you taunt, licking the blood from your lips. “Go ahead, choke me, daddy.”

The feminist in you is horrified, but the little gremlin controlling your libido is having the time of its life. It squeals with delight when his hand closes around your throat, just barely constricting your breathing. 

“You insolent little brat,” he breathes into your ear, pulling up on your jaw. “I will absolutely ruin you.”

And there will be no tenderness, no tenderness.

“Do it, coward,” you spit, and he lets go just long enough to finish undressing from the waist down. He grabs your still heeled ankle and presses your leg up by your shoulder, stretching you wide enough to take him without any prep. You gasp as he fills you, the stinging pain outweighed by the gratification of finally feeling him inside you.

The only thing that I ask, love me mercilessly.

He sets a punishing rhythm, one knee on the bed and the other foot still firmly planted on the floor. He bottoms out with each long thrust and you grab hold of his hair to brace yourself. He winces with the pain but doesn’t slow down, and your moans grow high and loud as he continues to furiously pound into you. 

“Gods, fuck, Astarion,” you keen, your desire coiling in your belly and threatening to explode. “Keep going, daddy, fuck me please.” He grunts with the effort and your dirty talk seems to be having an effect as his pace falters. You jerk your hips up into him, chasing your orgasm, until finally it barrels through you like a runaway train. You pull on his hair as you come and that sets off his, his pulsing cock pressing against the clenching walls of your cunt. 

He stays deep inside you as the aftershocks reverberate through both of you, until the only sound remaining is your heavy panting. He drops his forehead to touch yours, a pleasantly tender moment after some of the roughest sex you can recall having. He starts to giggle and you follow suit, suddenly giddy. He pulls out of you with a squelch and walks to the bathroom to get a towel to clean up the mess you’ve left behind. He wipes you down gently, a surprising bit of aftercare you’re not accustomed to with him. He plants a tender kiss on your lips and you feel dizzy with affection for him.

You settle up against the headboard of your bed, his arm around you and both of you looking at your phones in a companionable silence. After a moment, he lets out a small chuckle. 

“What?” you ask, turning your head towards him quizzically.

“I’m just shocked that worked, is all,” he laughs, shaking his head. Your confusion grows and you furrow your brow.

“What worked?” you laugh with him, but something doesn’t feel right.

“The whole night, taking you to see Taming, getting into just enough of a fight to result in,” he vaguely waves his hand, gesturing to the edge of the bed, “all of that.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean?” You pull away from him and your stomach drops. Surely he can’t be suggesting what you think he’s suggesting.

“You get riled up so easily, I thought this might be fun.” He still doesn’t seem to have picked up on your heart pounding in your ears, which is frankly unusual for him.

“Are you saying… Wait, are you saying that you planned that fight? So, what, we’d have angry sex?”

“Of course, you don’t think I actually believe anything that I said, do you? Taming of the Shrew might be well-written, but it’s a rubbish play to produce.” He finally turns to you and sees that you’ve gone white as a sheet. “Oh, darling, don’t take it like that, you’re positively adorable when you’re angry, I couldn’t resist.” He tries putting his hand to your cheek but you flinch away like he’s burned you.

“Get out,” you say in a low voice, unable to even look at him.

“What?” He’s still laughing. He doesn’t get it. “My sweet, didn’t you-”

“GET. OUT.” Your voice has a venom in it that even shocks you. He stares at you in horror until you shoot him an icy glare. “Now.”

Without a word he stands and quickly puts his clothes back on. You stay in your bed, naked and curled under a sheet, until you hear the front door of your apartment slam. With shaking hands, you call Shadowheart.

“Moonmaiden’s delight, did you enjoy yourself? It certainly sounded like you did.” The sound of Shadowheart’s bubbly laugh usually makes you smile, but right now it seeps into your skin like poison.

“Shade, please come over,” you whimper, and the second the words leave your mouth, the tears begin to fall. You don’t hear her hang up, but you do hear a muffled, “I’m going to fucking kill him!” through the wall. You pull your knees further into your chest and sob.

[brackenfur]

okay so i kind of.......wrote a lot more than i really intended to, but long story short - years ago i had this headcanon/au of sorts that birchpaw/fall saw ashfur and hawkfrost at the lake together, standing over firestar. mostly because when you squint at that whole sequence it kinda doesnt add up in canon, but its not canon that birchfall saw anything - it's just me taking this what if scenario and expanding on a side character

anyways this was kinda a quick project so its not perfect buuuuuut i wrote something so ! enjoy :)

birchpaw is back at camp doing everything he can to avoid the worried looks of his clanmates when his mentor stops him.

"hey, birchpaw," the fur on the back of birchpaw's neck stands up, and he slowly turns to the other tomcat. "are you okay?"

birchpaw does the best he can to keep the nervousness out of his voice as he answers: "i'm fine, ashfur. really. i- uh, i mean, i really just wish i had...been faster, that i had..."

he can't look at ashfur's face. not now, maybe not ever again. he knows that as soon as he meets his eyes, he won't be able to stop asking questions:

what were you doing with a riverclan cat? why didn't you help firestar? did the other cat threaten you? did you-

"you did the best you could, birchpaw," ashfur tells him gently; he pauses, flicking his tail-tip, before murmuring: "come on, let's go over to the apprentice's den to talk. i can tell you're shaken up."

and you're not, birchpaw wants to say, but he's a coward. this is his uncle, his mother's twin, and he doesn't really know what he saw, anyways. maybe ashfur had been standing there, sure. and maybe firestar had been clearly injured, clearly dying - well, ashfur isn't a medicine cat. he couldn't have known that, even if birchpaw had been making a lucky guess. but maybe hawkfrost threatened him, or maybe he lied to him-

you don't believe that at all, he thinks.

but he follows his uncle all the same to the apprentice's den; whitepaw is comforting her father at the medicine cat den while leafpool treats firestar's wound. no one is around - they're all either out searching the territory to make sure hawkfrost didn't have any accomplices, or with firestar's family on the other side of camp.

"you did the best you could to get help as soon as possible, birchpaw," ashfur tells him softly; birchpaw is staring at the grass between his paws, not looking at the other tom. "everyone knows that. i'm sure firestar does, too."

"right."

"but i could scent your fear-scent," ashfur continues, "and it does seem like you didn't go straight back to camp after telling firestar about blackstar. why?"

birchpaw's whiskers quiver. he shouldn't be scared - if anything, ashfur should be worried. he's the one who didn't do enough to help.

but the look in ashfur's eyes. the blank, distant stare as he watched firestar gurgle at his paws.

even the badgers didn't look at sootfur like that after they killed him, birchpaw remembers.

"i....," birchpaw's voice wobbles. "i thought i scented another cat, and i was worried," he clears his throat, trying to stop the shakes, "about you. i thought- i thought maybe you were...in trouble, and i...."

ashfur is quiet for a long time; if birchpaw wasn't so scared - why should i be scared? he's my uncle and my mentor, he wouldn't....he'd never.... - he'd look up, joke with him. pretend like it's all a big joke.

but those eyes. that look. the sounds firestar was making.

"so you didn't go straight back to camp," ashfur says with a disappointed sigh, "and firestar lost a life."

birchpaw's heartbeat skips. his paws shake. "wait," he says, his voice becoming shrill. he doesn't want anyone else to hear, but- what ashfur's saying, it's not...that's not right. that's not how it went. "wait, i- i did go back, as fast as i could, and i told squirrelflight-"

"you waited to tell her, you mean," ashfur tells him, frowning. "and he lost a life because he lost too much blood."

"but i didn't....i'd never..."

"it probably wasn't your intention," ashfur murmurs. "but that's how it happened. what if it was his last life? firestar and i trusted you to do one simple task, and you couldn't do that. you can't even look your uncle in the eye when he's talking to you."

birchpaw quivers as he slowly lifts his eyes to look into his uncles. ashfur's dark blue eyes stare back at him, just as emotionless as they did hours before.

"that's better," ashfur tells him, but it doesn't feel better. all of this is wrong.

"i was just trying to help," birchpaw whispers. "i didn't....i saw..."

"what did you see?" ashfur asks him, with a tone that birchpaw's never heard him use before: it's low, angry.

it's terrifying.

"um," birchpaw stutters. "i don't- i don't know. i don't know what i saw."

i saw you. i saw you and hawkfrost.

"if you don't even know what you saw," ashfur says slowly, "then maybe you shouldn't say anything. not to me, or to your mother. not to firestar."

birchpaw slowly lowers his gaze. how did today end up like this?

"you didn't see anything out there, birchpaw," ashfur continues. "you're an apprentice - you don't know your left paw from your right paw."

"okay."

ashfur stares at him for a long moment, sighing. "i'm not trying to scare you, birchpaw," he murmurs, "but i don't want you to get in trouble for firestar losing his life. sometimes we make mistakes; i don't want this one to be the defining moment of your apprenticehood."

shame burns through birchpaw - shame that he can't stand up to his uncle and tell him that this is all wrong.

but more shame that there's a part of him, deep down, that knows ashfur is right. if birchpaw had been quick enough, firestar wouldn't have lost a life. hawkfrost would've been stopped quicker.

and maybe....maybe ashfur was just trying to help firestar. maybe in some way, he's embarrassed because he couldn't help him, either. is that what this is about? trying to save face, because brambleclaw once again saved the day when ashfur couldn't?

"i want to be a good apprentice."

"and i'll help you do that," ashfur tells him, his voice becoming warmer. "and we'll start by making sure that today stays behind us, forever. okay?"

"okay."

it doesn't feel okay.

--

the rest of his apprenticeship goes by largely uneventfully. ashfur isn't exactly the same as before he and squirrelflight drifted apart, but he never speaks to birchpaw the way that he did the day firestar was injured.

he becomes a warrior by the name of birchfall. he makes friends, falls into an easy routine. he even still spends time with his uncle - with each passing day, the events from that afternoon become a faded memory. sometimes it plays out differently in his mind - there's days where he thinks he did see ashfur try and help firestar. where he heard him tell hawkfrost to go away.

(and maybe it wasn't as bad as he thought it was back then if the memory keeps changing. if it really was so awful, wouldn't it be the same? was he just trying to make ashfur out to be a bad cat?)

everything in thunderclan is mostly calm, until ashfur gets lionpaw as an apprentice.

he's heard cats joke about being jealous when their old mentor gets another apprentice - how it's weird, seeing the cat who taught you everything teaching someone else the same things, telling the same jokes.

he's still ashfur's nephew, so he knows that his former mentor still holds a special place in his heart for him - but it's not exactly that jealousy that other cats talk about that he feels towards lionpaw.

he feels...strange, seeing them together; there's this weird fluttering feeling he gets when he catches ashfur's expression as lionpaw walks away from him.

sometimes he can hear a voice in the back of his mind, screaming at him to go and get between the two of them. to protect lionpaw.

but ashfur....well, it's ashfur. outside of that one afternoon moons before, he's a normal warrior. he wouldn't...

so birchfall does what he did over a year prior; he buries the feelings. he can't trust his eyes - that's what ashfur told him before. he doesn't know his left paw from his right paw.

(except that he's a warrior now, and a damn good one, so why-)

that changes one day, when the talk of thunderclan is how lionpaw and ashfur got into this huge fight - claws drawn, teeth bared. ashfur scratched up pretty badly, spiderleg had told him, shaking his head.

i knew that was going to happen, he's not a medicine cat or particularly gifted, but he knew. he knew, he knew, he knew, he knew.

i knew he was going to hurt him, birchfall watches as lionpaw trudges into camp, surprisingly fine physcially - ashfur is the one with the injuries, blood dripping on the camp floor as he trudges to leafpool's den.

lionpaw is standing there after all is said and done, after cats talk to him to ask him if he's okay. standing there in the center of camp, alone.

birchfall is only foxlengths from him, watching, and the thought slips into his mind easily: i should tell him that i know what ashfur is really like. that i saw the same look in his eyes that he probably saw. that he watched firestar die inches from his paws and did nothing to help him.

he almost does it, too. the memories from that day come back, flooding his vision - ashfur's dark expression. the white flash of hawkfrost's teeth. firestar's gurgles.

i'm so sorry, firestar.

"why are you staring at me?"

birchfall snaps out of it quickly; lionpaw is staring at him, amber eyes narrowed.

"what?" birchfall blinks. "i wasn't staring at you."

"yeah, you were," lionpaw tells him, shaking his head. "weirdo." lionpaw hisses under his breath.

and before birchfall can say anything, do anything, hollypaw and cinderpaw bound up to him to talk to him, stealing the moment away.

birchfall watches the apprentices for a couple more seconds before he turns away.

he didn't see anything that day. it's his fault that firestar lost a life, anyways. that's all anyone would be able to see - firestar is one pawstep closer to being gone forever because of him.

--

birchfall keeps his word for the moons to come; lionblaze becomes a warrior with hollyleaf and cinderheart. whitewing - his longest friend, the molly who withheld her warrior ceremony for him, just so he wouldn't be alone,

(and was there for him on the nights when all he dreamt of was the lakeshore, never asking him what woke him up shaking)

well, they become closer and closer until they're not really just friends anymore, and one morning she bounds up to him to tell him that she's carrying his kits. that leafpool had just told her moments before, and she couldn't wait to find him.

and it finally feels like maybe birchfall is at peace - maybe starclan isn't angry with him after all. maybe that one thing that birchfall didn't do years ago - it'll be okay. firestar is alive and happy, with grandchildren now.

the fire rages through thunderclan not long after, but thankfully there's no casualities - he grew up hearing the stories of the one from years ago, back in the old territory before he was born, and he's glad that everyone was okay this time.

well.

he heard berrynose say that everyone had been looking for squirrelflight, her kits, and ashfur for awhile - that ashfur had turned up, laughing. he wouldn't say what was so funny, though.

he didn't think much of it, until he saw the way ashfur was acting after the fire. the way he leered after squirrelflight and her kits; hollyleaf's eyes glaring back in defiance, lionblaze's hackles raised, jayfeather's avoidance.

i don't want any part in this, he thinks, focusing on whitewing and their future together. i didn't see anything. i don't know anything. ashfur isn't dangerous.

he repeats the mantra more often than he'd like; at night, he dreams of the lakeshore for the first time in years and wakes up shuddering against spiderleg's side. his older brother shakes him off, confused, but birchfall can't meet his gaze, or anyone elses.

i didn't see anything. i didn't see anything. i didn't-

and then just like that, one day ashfur is found dead on their territory.

someone said that a patrol found him in a river, throat torn out.

it doesn't feel real to birchfall until he sees his uncles body laid out in the center of camp, with ferncloud's muzzle pressed into his fur.

that's my uncle, he thinks as he watches spiderleg lead icepaw and foxpaw to their mother, trying to comfort her. he was my mentor.

you don't know what you saw. it's ashfur's voice, clear as day in his mind as he watches his clanmates gather around the tomcat. you don't know your left paw from your right paw. you're just an apprentice; how can anyone trust you after what you did?

firestar walks over to ferncloud and dustpelt, murmuring a few kind words to them. birchfall can hear his leader's voice carrying over the wind, mentioning something about dogs, about bravery.

he watched you lose a life, birchfall wants to scream, but he can't move. he stood there and watched you gargle for breath and did nothing.

birchfall shuts his eyes. no. no, it was because of me, because i decided to take too long to go back to camp, his mind can't decide what's right or wrong. it's my fault, that's what....that's what ashfur says, and...and now he's dead, so....

"birchfall," whitewing's voice is soft; he jolts, eyes wide as he looks at his mate. she leans against him, whiskers drooping. "this is so sad. i mean....ashfur, i just- i just talked to him yesterday. he was asking me about the kits, if i was feeling okay..."

you wouldn't want to be with me if you knew what i did, ashfur had never threatened him after that day, but birchfall knew that was what his uncle was conveying to him every time they talked after that day. that he could tell everyone, and everyone would know it was birchfall's fault that firestar lost a life.

or....or wait, maybe that wasn't right. not anymore.

maybe he should blame himself for not saying anything all these years. he could've told firestar and had ashfur punished, and he didn't.

the realization burns deep in his chest; he can barely register what whitewing is saying.

ashfur knew that if you said something, any cat could probably figure out that something about his story didn't add up, birchfall thinks, his heart thudding. and you were just too stupid to realize you could have said something years ago.

"birchfall?" whitewing says, frowning. "hey, birchfall. are you okay?"

birchfall's fur raises. "i'm okay," he tells her, taking a deep breath. "all things....you know, considering, i..." he shakes his head. "i'm gonna get some air, okay?"

whitewing touches her nose to his. "i'm here, you know that, right? i've been here for you since we were 'paws."

that stings more. i could have told you years ago, birchfall touches his nose back to hers, and turns away. i can't say anything now. she'd never trust me again, i kept this secret from everyone because i was too scared of my uncle. and now he's dead, and now....

birchfall resigns himself not to think about it anymore. he can't.

he can't. he won't.

--

after his daughters are born, birchfall wants this to be his new purpose in life.

forget about the lakeshore. the foxtrap. hawkfrost. ashfur. firestar is fine now; thunderclan is fine. sure, maybe there's been some earth-shattering secrets that have been revealed, but- all in all, they're mostly fine.

ivypaw and dovepaw mean the world to him; he can't imagine being without them.

he looks at them and wants to do right by them; they'll never know the fear he's carried for all this time, the same.

he'll teach them to say something if they see something; to be outspoken, brave.

but he can barely keep his head above water; it started when he met a cat from the dark forest one night. who promised him that he could make up for the mistake he made years ago; that he could do right by firestar. by thunderclan.

he trains every night but it doesn't make the shame go away. it won't scrub off after he bathes himself. nothing works.

it's not until the wall is lifted over his eyes - after his daughter, ivypool, a warrior grown - tells him what the true intention of the dark forest was.

all the moons he spent there, training, trying to prove that he could make up for what he did - gone.

and after the battle with the dark forest, both his mother and firestar are dead - killed by the cats that birchfall wanted to impress. wanted to show that he could be better, that he could be stronger.

how did everything go so wrong? he thinks as he watches his father crouched over his mother. dustpelt won't even look at him; he doesn't know about firestar, but he knows about the dark forest. and he hates him - despises him for training with the cats who are responsible for ferncloud's death.

he's right.

"birchfall," whitewing's voice jolts him out of his thoughts. "please. i want to talk."

it was inevitable - he knows that it's over between them at this point. he follows her out of camp regardless, deep into the territory. there's birds in the trees, chirping quietly amongst themselves, and everything is in bloom, yet nothing is beautiful to him at this moment.

whitewing turns to face him, her green eyes sad. "can you just tell me why?"

birchfal looks down at his paws, just like he did years before when ashfur told him to keep quiet.

"i'm sorry," he tells her, and she scoffs.

"i'm sorry isn't an explanation," she meows. "just....why, birchfall? why would you train with cats like that? and why- our daughter was there too, why wouldn't you try and convince her not to? what's wrong with you?"

i'm a coward.

"that's still not an answer," he hadn't realized he said it aloud. he finally looks up at his mate - probably soon to be ex-mate. "you need to talk to me. you're not a 'paw anymore."

and for some reason that burns more than anything else.

you're not a 'paw. you should have said something. you should have told everyone what you saw. and you didn't. it's your fault. all your fault. everything-

"i need to tell you something," he finally says; the story is bubbling at the surface. ashfur is long dead. firestar is dead. his family hates him. whitewing is going to leave him anyway; what else does he have to lose? brambleclaw might exile him, might not; he might not care what birchfall does.

whitewing is silent; birchfall opens and shuts his mouth a few times, trying to find the words, until he meows:

"i saw what happened to firestar on the lakeshore, that day when hawkfrost from riverclan died."

whitewing frowns; she looks taken aback, and blinks a few times.

"i....ashfur...he told me that he scented blackstar on our territory," the memory comes back hazy at first, but starts to clear as he goes on: "he said to tell firestar about it. i did, but....a few minutes later when i was heading back, i could scent another cat. and i remembered ashfur was out there, and i was worried for him, so i followed him and the other cat so i could protect him. and..."

the gurgling. the look on ashfur's eyes. the sound of the water lapping at the shore.

"ashfur was standing with hawkfrost over firestar's body. he was caught in the foxtrap and....ashfur, he...." birchfall shuts his eyes. "you should've seen how he looked. he didn't care at all that firestar was dying. i ran away, i didn't....i didn't know what to do. i thought maybe i didn't see anything at all, so i just told squirrelflight what ashfur had said about blackstar when i saw her. i thought....i thought maybe if she caught ashfur and hawkfrost, it'd....she'd know what to do, more than i would....."

birchfall stares at his paws. "when i got back to camp and brambleclaw had killed hawkfrost, ashfur told me....he said i didn't see anything, and it was easier to pretend i didn't see anything. and he was...he was right - i should've just gone back to camp right away. i should've just done the right thing, not been a stupid 'paw. i should've...it's my fault that firestar lost a life. he'd still be here right now if i just had listened back then, 'cus he'd have an extra life, and..."

birchfall trails off, shaking. "so that's...that's why i wanted to train at the dark forest. because i let firestar down. because i didn't say anything all these years, and i should've....i mean, what if ashfur had hurt someone else? and i just sat there and let it happen."

it takes him a moment after everything spills out to realize that whitewing is very quiet; he finally looks up at his mate.

she looks so sad watching him; and there's a bit of anger in there, too.

"he threatened you?" whitewing finally says; birchfall winces.

"i don't....maybe, it doesn't really matter."

"you were his apprentice and his nephew," whitewing tells him firmly. "of course it matters. he knew he was manipulating you, and that you just wanted to please him, so you'd do anything to make sure you wouldn't make trouble."

whitewing's tail lashes, and she shakes his head. "that- i can't believe he did that to you, that he made you think...."

"whitewing, it's-"

"it's not your fault, birchfall," her voice is gentle, yet he can tell she's holding back so much rage, rage for ashfur, pain for firestar's death. "if you really think for one second that you have anything to do with firestar laying in that clearing right now, you're completely wrong. that was tigerstar, first of all, and ashfur's fault years ago."

"but-"

"you went to help your mentor, and you were intimidated into keeping this a secret," she tells him, stepping closer. "and now you think that because you didn't say anything, that that's worse than what he did."

"i should have said something," birchfall tells her, harsher than he means to. "i mean - for starclan's sake, whitewing, i- i saw, and i didn't do anything. i'm no better than he is-"

"you are twice the cat that ashfur was," whitewing meows firmly. "and if i had even....if i saw him right now, i'd slash his ears for doing that to you."

whitewing shakes her head, looking at him. "all these years," she whispers, frowning, "all these years, and we- when you were in the apprentices den, having nightmares..."

"you couldn't have known," he mumbles. "i didn't tell you."

"and then....birchfall, i..." she presses her noses into his neck; birchfall is stiff from shock.

"i thought you were breaking up with me," he tells her, aghast; whitewing sucks in a breath, pulling away.

"what?"

"why not? after the dark forest, all of this...."

"i'm disappointed in you for training with the dark forest," she tells him softly. "but your mother is dead, and you....you've been holding this in for years, birchfall. i can put off asking you about the dark forest for awhile; i.....i didn't know. all these years, and i had no idea you were punishing yourself for ashfur's crimes."

when she puts it like that, a small - a tiny one, really, nothing huge - light begins to flick in his mind.

i've been punishing myself, he thinks, and it strangely makes a lot of sense - thinking about the lake all these years has felt like punishment. refusing to get close to firestar out of shame was his way of punishing himself, telling himself what he did was wrong.

"i don't know if i can tell anyone else," birchfall tells her in a whisper; whitewing nods, brushing her muzzle against his.

"that's okay," she meows, "because now i know, and now i can shoulder it with you."

"it's not a very romantic secret." he doesn't say it like a joke, but she still smiles a little.

"it's not," she shrugs. "but no one helped birchpaw back then; i'm here for you now."

[kittybroker]

Intro post!

I'll reblog cat pictures and value the kitty.

Now I'm sure you're all saying kitties are all valuable, and while that's true one cannot simply dismiss the importance of proper accounting in today's economy.

If you want to submit a picture of a cat you can use either the ask function or send in a post submission and value it yourself. Feel free to tag me into any kitty post you want.

Please make sure to read the FAQ below before sending in any questions.

While I am mostly a joke blog, please be wary when sending overly personal/strange asks, particularly when I do not know who you are. Absolutely do not ship this blog with other blogs, and particularly do not make comments to me about this.

Tagging system: I'll tag all the cats here with #crazy kitty The pricing of kitties is set into one of five categories:

#free bin - $0 kitties #bargain bin - Under $5 #discount kitty - Under $20 #valuable kitty - Under $50 #premium kitty - Anything over $50

#alt currency is used for any kitty not using kitty dollars.

Note that kitties from before 27/01/24 may not include the #bargain bin or #premium kitty tag as those tags were introduced after the blogs creation.

#set deal - For pairs kitties sold together #collection - For collections of different kitties in a collection

#silly kitty - For memes and humorous kitties #art - For drawings of kitties or kitties with art attached #fake kitty - For kitties that aren't really actually kitties at all

#text post - For posts that aren't actually evaluations #asks - Posts that are sent via ask #tagged - Posts sent via tagging #in the replies - Tags from the replies of a post #my cat - For pictures of my cat #kitty music - For self-promotional music posts or music performed by kitties (meowsynth)

I'll probably post my own cat a bit here as well and tag that with #my cat.

Submission: You can submit kitties by tagging me in posts or sending asks (when the inbox is open). I will not always get around to tags as sometimes there is too many to get to or I have already evaluated the post. I prefer people tag me into a post over DMing, and will not evaluate a kitty sent in DMs. I would also ask you to not send too many asks or tags in a row simply to avoid too many posts being sent in at a time and allowing others to send stuff in. If you are unsure on how to tag me please refer to the FAQ, do not message me asking how to tag me into posts.

Rules for submission: Please no real people or anthropomorphized cats. Anything that is pretty much just human is a big no go zone for evaluation (particularly evaluating real people). As long as it's clearly an animal I don't really care. Do not tag me into more than 2-3 posts at a time.

FAQ

Why hasn't my ask been answered? I get a lot of asks, and I can't answer everything. It usually takes a few days to a week to get around to answering an ask. Sometimes the ask may also contain a submission that cannot be posted, ie you submitted a real person, a cat in the harmful situation or with wounds. For text based asks I cannot get to everything and am frequently inundated with comments. Not all will get a response. If you ask a question answered in the FAQ I will not answer.

How do you evaluate the kitties? The economy guides my hand, I merely see the truth of what is already there.

I tagged you into a post, but you never responded? I get a lot of tags, and often a lot of the same post. I will try to avoid responding to the same post multiple times (sometimes I forget!). Sometimes I just have so many tagged posts to get to I have to cut some out. I do see every tagged post though so you're post will still be seen, even if not answered.

What is the most valuable kitty ever? Our current estimates would put Intergalactic Shiro, now at an impressive 720000000000

What currency are the kitties evaluated in? They are all in Kitty Dollars. I've never heard of this "USD" or "Euro" stuff. None of it is real.

I want to tag you in a post, but I don't know how? To tag me into a post you will need to reblog the post and add the tag into the text field of the post (no the tags!). If you type @kittybroker you should see this blog appear in a dropdown menu. Select kittybroker and then reblogging the post. You can also tag me into the replies of posts by opening the notes, heading to the replies section and tagging me there with the same method.

Can I submit myself? Many before have attempted this perilous feat. Yet I remain strong. No real people will be evaluated!

Kittybroker, you reblogged a bad post! Sometimes I reblog posts that I should by mistake. Please notify me if this is the case, ie. the cat is in danger, the video is not safe or harmful. I do my best to try educate myself on what the best, but I still miss stuff. THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO FANDOM DRAMA/PROBLEMATIC USERS. DO NOT MESSAGE ME ABOUT THIS.

Kittybroker, I want to support you but I hate capitalism! Good news for you! The best way you can support me is to check out the #kitty music tag! I write a fair bit of music and you can find it at my old soundcloud, or you can find my recent piano sheet music here or use my website for more information the musical work I do! I really appreciate any support with my music work outside of kittybroker and sharing or listening to my stuff helps a lot!

Do you have a cat? I do, although I rarely post it out of both privacy concerns and the sheer number of other kitties sent in. The rare occasion I do however they will all be tagged. His name is Boris and he is around nine years old. He is very crazy.

That is all for now! Remember to stay crazy and kitty!

[nortism]

What the Ghosts have been watching on TV

Everyone

Channel 4 Home renovation shows: They're free with ads and there's an infinite amount of them so Alison puts them on for the whole gang when she and Mike have work to do in same way people put on YouTube videos for their dogs. This has backfired slightly as all the ghosts now have very strong and conflicting opinions on how Button House should be renovated.

The Great British Bake-off: A whole family event, they all get very invested. Kitty thinks Alison Hammond is the funniest person in the world. The Captain feels normal about Noel Fielding. As well as a watching it live, I'm sure they've also watched the whole back catalogue together.

Mama Mia: This where the Captain learnt his ABBA songs from. Pat and Julian enjoy the nostalgic music and I think the others are just bewitched by the story and music

Robin

Anything David Attenborough: For obvious reasons. I think he'd get a kick out of trying to do his voice. The others sometimes join in.

Cunk on Earth/ Britain: I think they've got a similar attitude towards history and I think he'd find serious historians trying to answer silly questions incredibly funny

Horrible Histories: He watches this with Kitty, they both find poop jokes funny.

Humphrey

Antiques Roadshow: I'm not sure why. I honestly think he's just glad to watch anything.

Mary

Gardener's World: I think she misses being able to look after plants and I think she'd be endlessly fascinated by how hosepipes work.

Mio Mao: She loves them fucking plasticine cats. She will not stop singing the theme song

Honestly think she'll watch anything with anyone and would get invested, she seems like the ideal person to watch telly with.

Kitty

Ru Paul's Drag Race: I think they all watch this every so often but Kitty is invested. There's bright colours, fun outfits and drama, it's definitely Alison's go to when she needs Kitty distracted.

90s and 2000s romcoms: I believe that every couple of weeks Alison and Kitty have a "girl's night" where they watch all the romcoms that Alison used to watch with her mum, mostly because I love watching romcoms with my mum and Kitty deserves that. Kitty is particularly fond of Twilight.

Thomas:

Any Jane Austen adaptations: He watches them with Fanny as they were both big fans when they were alive (its the only thing they agree on). Kitty also joins sometimes. His favourite is the 1995 Pride and Prejudice tv show.

Fanny:

Grey's Anatomy: I haven't seen it but my mum's a big fan and there's millions of seasons, I think she'd pretend she's not that into it but she definitely is.

Call the Midwife: Same as above.

The Captain:

M*A*S*H: I've seen about half an episode of this but it seems to be about fit young men in a war so it sounds like his thing. Probably Pat's recommendation.

Our Flag Means Death: I think Alison has been trying to sneakily show Cap gay media under the pretence of saying "it's just a fun show about pirates". I think the whole gang watched it together. The Captain definitely didn't cry at the end of season 1 why would think that?

Pat

Taskmaster: I think this is one they all watch together but it's definitely one of Pat's favourites. He probably attempted to set up his own version of the show with the ghost which ended horribly.

Doctor Who: I think he watched the original run when he was alive and was absolutely ecstatic to find out they made more. Julian makes fun of him for it.

Julian

Have I Got News For You: Has been airing since 1990 so he definitely watched it while he was alive. I think he likes to keep up with current politics but not in a very serious way so this is his middle ground.

Succession: I haven't seen this show but it seems to be about horrible men in suits being horrible to each other which seems right up his alley.

The Thick of It: Speaking of horrible men in suits being horrible. I think he watches this with Robin who has absolutely no idea what's going on but just laughs when Julian does and they have the best time. Julian is constantly pausing to add his own anecdotes

What We Do In The Shadows: Alison put this on as a 'let's show the Captain it's ok to be gay' show and the Captain was immediately horrified so Julian adopted it. He identifies with Lazlo.

[hopeinreverie]

This is a little silly, but Taiga HC where he thinks he has a harem of people he likes... (+ what others think of it, below the cut)

Reminder that this is mostly just a headcanon with some character analysis and contains minor spoilers.

Taiga HCs

So this HC stems from how Taiga is most likely emotionally constipated (potentially because he had a rough childhood, but this is a topic for another day) and just doesn't know how to express his fondness to someone. In a nutshell, I will divide this into 3 parts:

People he finds fun to mess around with (Haru)

People he finds cute and is genuinely fond of (Romeo)

A mix of both (this is MC lol)

I think Ritsu will eventually find his place in there, likely in number 1 (there's a deciding factor for this, which i will get into), but to make it simple I'll only take one example for each. People that don't make it in that list are at risk of taking a bullet in the head- (he may not look it, but he's quite distrustful)

So, what's the deciding factor? Taiga only likes people that he thinks important enough to remember and will assign them nicknames. I am aware that he calls others (such as Rui, Ed) by nicknames but he doesn't care about them lol... It probably had something to do with whatever happened in The Clash that he's not fond of them.

The longer he knew someone, and if that person can put up with him, they will be assigned into one of those 3 points. He has a hard time remembering people's names, so those that can stand him is rewarded with their own nickname HAHAH. Congratulations for putting up with the devil!!

Let's get into each points one by one.

1. People he finds fun to mess around with (Haru)

I can see why people theorize how Haru used to be in Sinostra. Pre-clash HC that Taiga used to borrow money from Haru, and that's the start of their relationship. Taiga borrows them to gamble and Haru just keeps giving him money because he's THAT nice. Can't forget how poor boy is always broke as the captain of Jabberwock :")

Eventually Taiga gives calls him Harry (because it sounds cooler, idk ask him-) and he thinks Haru's reactions are entertaining.

Haru being in Jabberwock doesn't bother him, if anything it makes it more fun to 'get food' whenever he feels like it... Unfortunately for him, Jabberwock Haru isn't as nice as Sinostra Haru, and he doesn't give up 'his children' as easily as he'd give up his money.

Which brings us to their current relationship, a tag game of cat and mouse. I think Taiga is still somewhat fond of Haru, but he finds his persistance annoying. Surely he can spare an anomaly or two?

So Taiga still bothers him from time to time until he gives in, and until that time comes, he relishes in Haru's funny reactions.

Honorable mention: Ritsu

With enough time, I believe Ritsu belongs in this category as well. His interactions with Taiga is so funny, I love it... Taiga is just tired of dealing with this overachiever kid that only speaks law language. We will see how their relationship developin Episode 8 and beyond!

Taiga: See twerp, this is why you don't have a nickname yet. Ritsu: ???

2. People he finds cute and is genuinely fond of (Romeo)

Let's start this off with (one of) the infamous Taiga homescreen line-

To be honest, this is where the HC idea starts from LMAOO i think he's half joking here. Emphasizing on half, because the other half of him is dead serious. He thinks they're married. Because being business partners means you're partners for life I guess (why is he so silly...)

We don't know how they got to this point, so small theory time! Taiga probably helped Romeo at his lowest by proposing (heh) to make a gambling business together in Darkwick. Because when you're stuck in there, might as well make cash, no? We know Romeo hates gambling, but he's willing to take the chance with Taiga. This is likely why Taiga is the captain despite being irresponsible.

I'm just guessing now... But Romeo's persistence to make cash, despite abhoring gamble itself, is likely what solidifed his presence in Taiga's mind. Romeo rose to the challenge and Taiga finds it admirable.

Because Romeo has been with him for the longest, Taiga calls him Lulu (affectionate) and thinks he's funny. And cute. He's also very dependable. Above all, Taiga trusts him and this is personally a big deal for Taiga. So of course they're married, Taiga logic!

Taiga: Lulu's cheating on me. Ritsu: Understood, I shall get the divorce papers ready. Romeo: What the FUCK did you just say?

Ritsu is too serious to get the hint and he'll constantly bring it up like "Are you sure you don't want me to help with your divorce?" But Romeo shuts him down everytime while yelling "WHO is divorcing?? The only person fit to marry me is myself!!" While Taiga is laughing in the distance, like the menace he is....

Taiga is the tired dad (with dad jokes) and Romeo is the loud, nagging mom-

3. A mix of both (MC)

(I will refer to MC in 3rd person)

MC is in a tough situation here lol (as if she's not in enough danger already), because as the inspector she has to work with Taiga whether she likes it or not. On the other hand, Taiga hasn't known the MC for long enough to be attached. Yet. not until we get him to higher affinity levels or maybe in later episodes

But if you realized something, MC starts with a similar situation as Haru. As we can tell from area convos, Taiga occasionally borrows (read: robs) MC of her money to gamble. She's under the circumstances of having to deal with Taiga, but she doesn't have the backbone to challenge him in the ways Romeo could (which is understandable IMO)

So why does she have her own point? Well... (we're about to enter self-indulgent territory here)

We know from Taiga's high affection lines that he eventually becomes fond enough to MC to give her a nickname, which is kitty cat. He calls her little lost kitten in their (official) first meeting. It's cute nickname, I must say... But, why a cat?

An explanation I can think of is how Darkwick operates with cats most of the time. We're not sure what they are, but I'm sure Taiga has seen enough to know they exist. He doesn't care about them, well, at least until he meets MC.

In their first meeting, Taiga thinks she looks funny. A scared little kitten, like the ones of Darkwick that always ran away from him whenever he gets too close. People usually steer clear from him, so MC is an odd case for him. She's clearly scared, so why stick around? (he forgot that she's obligated to...)

This is where another one of my HC comes in: Taiga becomes fond of cats!! He thinks they're funny and cute. Sadly, cats are too scared to get near him lmao he doesn't understand why though. Good thing he got the MC :)

Because he eventually find cats funny and cute, this extends to MC too. Therefore, Taiga likes to mess with MC and is somewhat fond of her in strange ways. (Maybe bullying is his love language idk)

Conclusion?

Taiga is silly, I want to munch him. Also I gave up trying to fix him (HELP), so I decided to dissect his character interactions instead... there's probably more to come in the future, hopefully I can articulate them well enough to share.

[faebaex]

Adventures of the Gargoyle Studies Club! Ⅰ

author's note: the first of three parts! this is the winner of the 200 follower poll! (o･ω･o) this part mostly sets the scene, so has an array of cameos from other characters, but the other parts will focus mainly on Malleus and reader, probably. this reader was interesting to write, and their personality just kinda grew itself as i wrote! plus i've never written a reader who is a Ramshackle dorm student, so that was also a fun new concept for me to try (ᵔ◡ᵔ) Prefect was also kept vague on purpose, so maybe you can imagine your OC or someone as the prefect too! hope you enjoy!

characters: Malleus Draconia x GN!Reader

background: you are a magicless student who stays at Ramshackle with prefect and Grim, all three of you form one 'student' (Grim with magic, prefect and you with non-magic/theory based classes/exams). You arrived at NRC at the same time as the prefect, but you didn't know each other previously.

Boring.

So boring.

You trudged behind the prefect and Grim as you headed back to Ramshackle dorm, your eyes dull and your lips pursed. At first, when you found yourself thrust into a new world, stumbling around some sort of weird ceremony, you were excited. This world has all sorts of things that were just fantasy in your world. Magic, talking monster cats, ghosts, even merfolk! You couldn't wait to see what this world had in store for you. But now...

Now you were attending school, living a fairly average student life. Not even alchemy lessons were enough to perk you up anymore. And the mysterious, magicless student reputation that you seemed to obtain was just annoying now. How did your exciting new life turn so dull so quickly?

The entrance to Ramshackle creaked open and you sighed, immediately making your way over to the beaten up couch and throwing yourself onto it, letting your textbooks fall out of your arms onto the dusty floor and throwing an arm over your eyes.

"Y/N, you okay?"

You cracked an eye to see the prefect peeking over the top of the couch at you, Grim having run straight to the kitchen to pilfer a can of tuna before anyone could stop him. You groaned, kicking your legs off of the couch as the prefect walked around and took a seat beside you.

"I'm just so bored," you complained bitterly, the prefect tilting their head as you pouted, a sheepish smile spreading across their lips at your words, "this world holds so many possibilities, and we're stuck at school."

"Don't let Crowley hear you talking like that, it would be just the excuse he needed to give us more work to do." The prefect joked, hoping to lighten your mood, but it only caused you to scowl. Jeez, how you loathed that joke of a Headmaster. Spiriting you away to this world and then trying to shirk responsibility at the first opportunity. And then making you do ridiculous tasks whilst holding your allowance over your heads? What a cockroach of a man.

"Maybe there is something you can do where you can channel some of your energy?" The prefect pondered, seeing your darkening expression and hoping to get your mind off the headmaster, "maybe try the library? Or maybe a part time job?"

You folded your arms behind your head and shot the prefect a look, your eyebrow raised, "reading about this place will only make me more miserable that I'm stuck at school. And the only one who'll benefit from me getting a job is Grim, I'm sure. He'll have spent it all on tuna before I even get paid."

The prefect conceded the point with a hum, and you both fell into silence. You stared at the ceiling, counting the cracks on the ceiling before the prefect suddenly exclaimed loudly, the sound making you jump slightly.

"I know! You should join a club!"

You were already pulling a face, but the prefect shushed you and continued on, "Hear me out! NRC has lots of interesting clubs, surely there has to be one that you click with. Plus, you can always quit if you don't enjoy it, and join a different one. Or none at all. But then at least you tried something, right?"

You rolled the idea around in your head, but you still weren't fully convinced. The prefect could see this, and continued to push, "c'mon! Just give it a try. You could visit some of the clubs after classes tomorrow. I'm sure Ace and Deuce won't mind showing you around theirs. There is no harm in it, right?"

You went back to staring at the ceiling, trying to ignore the prefect staring earnestly at you. Still, they didn't stop, and you eventually relented with a sigh. "Fiiine. I'll visit a few clubs tomorrow. But no promises."

The prefect shot you a sunny smile, and you could see why they were the most approachable resident of Ramshackle dorm's ragtag trio.

You stared at the infobook in your hands listlessly, a directory of active clubs staring back at you. You'd already struck some of them from the list as a pre-cursor, namely all the sports clubs. That had near broke Deuce's heart, much to Ace's delight, as he tried in vain to convince you to at least take a look around. Unfortunately, you think this had only encouraged Ace, as you were now following him to take a tour of the basketball club, despite your immediate rejection.

"I have basketball back in my world, you know." You commented as you both made your way to the gym, Ace not missing a beat in his reply back.

"Yeah, but you didn't have basketball with me in your world." Ace grinned at you, and you squinted in return, "yeah, we really dodged a bullet there." Ace feigned hurt, a hand pressed to his chest as he slumped into the wall. You rolled your eyes, the small smile tugging at your lips ruining your irritated façade.

"This better be worth it, Trappola. You know how many clubs I have to visit today?" You warned as you neared the gym doors, and Ace waved his hand at you, "yeah yeah, it'll be great. Just trust me!" He came to a stop at the doors and held his hand out to stop you, his other hand grasping one of the handles. "Just gimme a sec..."

Ace cracked the gym door open just enough to pop his head through, and you were both silent as he peeked around the gym before pulling the door open. "Lucky. I guess Floyd isn't coming today."

"Whose that?"

"You don't want to know."

You both entered the gym, and you glanced around the gym at the few club members that were already milling around, stretching or doing basic ball exercises. Ace span with his arms out, gesturing to the gym, "so this is it!"

"... Okay, and?"

"What do you mean 'and'?! We get the whole gym to practice in! What more could you want?"

"... You would make a terrible salesman."

Ace scoffed at your words, swinging his gym bag off of his shoulder and tossing against the wall. He picked up a stray basketball and began throwing it between his hands, "let me show you how good I am, and then you'll be begging to join the team! I can get this in the hoop from here."

You glanced up. You weren't that far from the hoop, but you decided to humour him regardless, "go on then, I'm watching." Ace shot you a cocky grin, turning towards the hoop and taking his aim. He eventually took his shot, sending the ball sailing through the air... Only for it to his the basketball hoop's rim and ricochet off, landing and bouncing sadly on the floor.

"... Wow." You bit your lip in order to suppress your laughter, Ace's ears turning red in embarrassment. "I meant to do that," he reasoned.

"Wait, can you do that again? That would look great on my Magicam." You pulled your phone out of your pocket as you spoke, aiming it towards Ace as he scolded in retaliation.

"Shut up."

You found yourself yet again staring listlessly at the directory of clubs. You took your leave of the basketball club shortly after their activities began, slipping out before Ace could try and rope you into some sort of activity with him.

With all the sports clubs already crossed off, it left you with few alternatives. And they all sounded rather... Average. The pop music club was clearly just the school band, so that was out. The board game club was out, you could just play board games at Ramshackle with Grim and the prefect if you really wanted to. The film studies club apparently required an audition before you could join, what was that about? Either way, that was out too. Science club was also out. As much as you liked Professor Crewel, there already wasn't much you could do in alchemy class so you imagined it would be the same there.

There was one that seemed to be slightly promising. The mountain lover club... What an odd name. Apparently, club activities included hiking and exploring mountains and it's var. Maybe this could work, maybe there is a chance you explore mountains all over this world and that could be your chance to explore new places? To join, apparently you needed to contact some guy from the Octavinelle dorm...

You sighed as you flipped through the infobook, mostly out of frustration more than any desire for more information. But then something caught your eye. On a forgotten page towards the back of the book seemed to be a listing for another club. The... Gargoyle studies club? You skimmed the club description, and you felt your eyes begin to light up.

Visiting gargoyles... Appreciating architecture... Exploring ruins?! Like real, magical ruins? Where there could be all sort of treasures and artifacts?! For the first time in weeks, you felt your cheeks flush in excitement. This sounded exactly what you were looking for. Your eyes searched the bottom of the page, trying to find who to contact... A student from the Diasomnia dorm, huh?

You slammed the infobook shut and took off towards the Hall of Mirrors, a skip in your step. You had to go find this student immediately. You resisted the urge to run through the halls, lest Trein appear out of nowhere and scold you. He seemed to have a knack for appearing whenever Grim was up to no good, that much was for certain.

You reached the Hall of Mirrors in no time. From your experiences of visiting Heartslabyul, you knew it was as easy as approaching the dorms mirror and simply walking through. After a cautionary inspection, you found the Diasomnia dorm mirror and didn't hesitate to step through.

... Wow, did all the dorms here need to look so intimidating? Plus, they made Ramshackle look like a ruin in comparison. You stared up at the imposing castle that was supposed to be a school dorm building, wondering how much of the school's budget went into this. They even had a drawbridge, was that really necessary? Cool though, you supposed. Oh well, you could ponder over this place another time, you had a club president to find!

You marched over the drawbridge with determination, and pushed open the dorm's entrance door, slipping inside. Jeez, it was so dark in here. Did they not have any electricity? You supposed it fit in with the castle theme but... Wasn't that inconvenient?

You wandered the corridors, not really sure where to start. There must be a lounge around here somewhere, right? You slightly regretted not flagging down a Diasomnia student on your way here, and you hadn't seen anyone since you'd walked through the front door. You let out a sigh, and almost jumped out of your skin when a loud shout rumbled through the corridor.

"HUMAN! What do you think you are doing here?!"

You looked up in surprise and squinted towards the figure at the other end of the corridor, a green haired figure with his hands on his hips as he glared down at you. Actually, he looked kind of familiar...

"Hey, I know you. You're that student who laughed at Grim's test score." You stated, making your way over to him. His expression did not soften, and he continued to glare at you as if you'd personally offended him somehow. Or maybe Grim did, always a possibility.

"You... You are one of the magicless students from Ramshackle dorm," the green haired figure stated, eyeing you suspiciously, "what business do you have here? If you are here to disturb my liege, I will remove you without hesitation!"

... What a strange guy. His liege? And did he have to shout every sentence? But with the look on his face, it seemed like he was about to throw you over his shoulder and toss you out of the dorm if you didn't answer quickly, so you pushed on. "I'm looking for a Diasomnia student, you can help with that, right?"

He scoffed at you. "Of course I can't. I must hurry back and guard my liege!"

Maybe this guy was participating in Live Action Roleplay or something, you wondered, trying not to get distracted by his odd demeanor. "You can guard your liege later. C'mon, I need your help!"

That seemed to be the right thing to say, because his hard expression suddenly turned smug, and he folded his arms across his chest. "You need my help? Of course you do, silly human. I suppose I can spare you a few moments, it would be very noble of me... Who are you searching for, human?"

A smile grew on your face and you flicked through the infobook quickly, trying to find the name before he changed his mind and rescinded his offer to help. "I'm looking for... Malleus... Draconia? Malleus Draconia." You looked up from your info book and to your surprise, the green haired student looked like you had just slapped him across the face. Before you knew it, he was grabbing your arm and dragging you down the hall.

"I knew you were suspicious!" He boomed, his grip tight and unforgiving, not budging no matter how much you tried to pull away or dig you feet into the carpet. "Let go of me, you brute! What is your problem?!"

"I can't believe a spy would be so brazen as to walk directly into our dorm! Master Lilia will know exactly what to do with you!" He spat, continuing to drag you along the corridor as if you weren't resisting at all. Was he seriously trying to drag you into his roleplay experience? Was he for real?

You eventually ended up getting led further into the dorm before the green haired brute of a student dragged you through some doors with him. Ah, well at least you found the lounge, one way or another. As you were pulled through the doors, you noticed two students standing together further in, both turning to look towards you as you were dragged towards them. One was the short boy with pink highlights that you vaguely remembered meeting in the cafeteria on one of your first days at NRC. Next to him stood an incredibly tall man, you felt your neck craning just to get a good look at him. And were those... Horns?! Oh great... You truly had stumbled upon some sort of roleplay group, just your luck...

"Who do you have there, Sebek?" Asked the pink highlighted student, amusement clear from the shine in his eyes and the tilt of his lips. You shook your arm futilely in Sebek's grip, a scowl beginning to paint your face.

"Master Lilia, I have caught an intruder! A spy!" Sebek bellowed, his back straightening as he presented you, grip still tight on your arm. You huffed in exasperation and glared up at him, "get off of me. What kind of spy would walk in here and tell you why they are here! Are you stupid?"

Sebek gasped, seemingly taken aback by your rant, "H-human! How dare you?!" Before you two could continue arguing, 'master' Lilia stepped forward, "now, now Sebek, I've told you about inside voices before, haven't I? And accosting a guest is hardly the manners I've taught you, hm?"

Sebek flushed, from his neck to the tip of his ears, his grip waning on your arm enough for you to rip your limb away from him with a disgruntled pout. "B-but Master Lilia, this human is clearly suspicious..."

Sebek continued to stutter out excuses, his hand travelling up to grip his hair nervously as he tried to justify his actions. You rubbed at your arm, promising yourself that if it ended up bruising, you'd stick Grim behind him during History of Magic class and bribe him with tuna to be as annoying as possible.

"Hey..." You addressed Lilia, who promptly turned his attention, "do you know where Malleus Draconia is?" Lilia tilted his head at your question, and you could feel the gaze of the tall man boring into you.

"What is it you require of our Housewarden, dear?" Lilia enquired, the curious glint in his eyes not hidden by his calm smile. Housewarden? Is that why Sebek was making such a big deal about you coming here? Still, wasn't it a bit much?

"I have a request for him." You stated, and you watched Lilia put his hand to his chin as his curiosity grew. "A request?" He repeated, and you only nodded in response. Silence fell between you all, before a deep laugh shattered it, mirthful in its tone. You looked up, curious of the source, only to discover it to be the tall man with horns.

"I see. To think a simple magicless human would be so brave to approach me in my own abode. In commendation of your efforts, I, Malleus Draconia, will allow you to speak your request." The tall man spoke, a rich, smug smile tugging his lips up as his bright green eyes continued to bore into you.

"... Y-your Malleus Draconia? Then..." You took a deep breath, taking a step forward. Sebek's hand shot out to stop you, only to hang in mid air as he received a sharp look from Lilia. Your eyes shone with excitement and you clenched your hands into fists, holding them up toward your chest in enthusiasm. You looked Malleus dead in the eye, and spoke your request with all the sincerity in your heart.

"Please, let me join the Gargoyle Studies Club!!"

[devondespresso]

Wiggly Worm Wednesday!! 🧠🪱

tagged by @little-annie this Wednesday, @pearynice and @hotluncheddie last time, @queenie-ofthe-void (and hotluncheddie again💕) the time before, and @carolperkinsexgirlfriend the time before that. Thank you guys so much for tagging me even when i can't get to it right away 💖💗💝

Lately I've been kinda swamped with fic commitments and rushing stuff last-minute (my own fault ofc 😅) writing mostly romance, so now im just itching to go back to my platonic stuff! nothing against romance, im enjoying writing it for sure, but god i can't wait to work on my Steve Henderson au again

for now tho the probably-never-to-be-written worms are about Steve bunking with the Buckleys post s4. maybe his parents just never came home, maybe they were there and had a big blowup argument with Steve about leaving, but they're not around now and Robins not about to let Mr Walking-Sepsis-Risk live alone for the apocalypse

in my head i imagine the buckleys house is kinda like max's before s4, a smaller 1-story but cozy, and no guest room so Steve stays in Robin's room.

her parents let them but they're definitely a little wary and a little lost but at least a little used to it, both thanking whatever power they believe in that no matter how freakishly clingy they are now, its still world's better than the violently freakishly clingy stobin was right after starcourt, when both of them looked to be hanging on by a thread and that thread was each other.

so they're like. chill. they plow through an awkward conversation about how bad an idea it would be to be up to something right now with steves injuries and robin sees herself out like halfway through, piling all the old stuffed animal onto her bed and keeping them there for the next week to avoid thinking about it. And Steve, abandoned by his partner in crime, stumbles through his own awkward explanation along the lines of 'you don't have to worry about that, i promise' before joining Robin in her embarrassed cringing-party, featuring notable guests such as Mr. Cat, Doodles, and Floppsy Bunny.

Not much of a plot in my head really, I'm just enjoying all the vague ideas floating around this premise. theres lots of details about Steve and his wounds, like wearing button downs that are easier to put on than pull-overs, Mr. Buckley letting him borrow some when Steve only finds a couple (or when he packs his normal clothes not realizing how miserable itd be to take them on and off constantly to check how things are healing).

Also Steve helping around the house and the Buckley's getting to know him better and not just the Polite Steve that they usually see because Steve couldn't risk his best friends parents not liking him (and because usually robin would go to his house, its a lot easier to sneak out than it is to smuggle someone in, especially with freaky upside down nightmares). Maybe Steve gets to actually joke around with Robin's dad, talk real shit with her mom (maybe about the future, hippie mom offering a different perspective on what life can be, how you can figure things out, just try things even if you don't have a perfect plan)

Steve finding safety not just with Robin, but with Robins family. the four of them growing this sweet relationship, not like a second child for the buckleys but more like a second home for Steve. stobin are firmly strange best friends to me (as opposed to siblings), and i like the dynamic of steve and robin's parents as 'my kids best friend' type stuff, not cause there's any less love but more like they're not trying to replace Steve's parents, they just end up filling in the gaps.

oki tagging presumably for next time (tho if you guys wanna do it late anyway you go for it, time isn't real wahoo): @marvel-ous-m @momotonescreaming @puppy-steve @lightoftheseraph @lingeringmirth

@writing-kiki @eriquin @scriptorbemi @sourw0lfs @soaringornithopter

@solarmorrigan @eddiethebrave @steddiecameraroll @imfinereallyy @yabakuboi

@kikidoesfanfic @tinytalkingtina @hairstevington @stellarspecter @sunflowerharrington

[ponett]

I have now finally seen the Mario movie. It was Pretty Good. Here are my wordy thoughts on it. (I am going to spoil the entire movie. Duh.)

In many ways, the Mario movie does what I wish the first Sonic movie had done. They just took the characters and the premise and the world from the games, and made it a straightforward animated adventure movie. It's bright and colorful and remixes things JUST enough to include fun elements from multiple games, and it doesn't make Mario get adopted by James Marsden or whatever. It even has the music!

That's all you really need, right? Right...?

I'll get this out of the way up front. Chris Pratt was fine. He's fine

If anything, it really feels like they did the movie a disservice by letting us hear so little of the Mario voice in the previews. It took one scene for Pratt to disappear into the role for me. It was totally fine. If anything, I found Charlie Day's normal voice coming out of Luigi WAY more distracting, even if I did like him in the role.

Everyone else was pretty good, for the most part. Jack Black was obviously very good as Bowser, but I'm biased. Seth Rogen does the Seth Rogen laughs as Donkey Kong, but I thought DK was fun, too. (I liked his little rivalry with Mario where he was just constantly giving him shit.) The only casting choice I truly hated was Fred Armisen as Cranky Kong. I hated every line that came out of his mouth. He sounds atrocious. Just the worst. I swear to fucking god if they do a DKC movie and we have to hear him for 90 minutes

I did think Peach was lacking, but that was on the script, not Anya Taylor-Joy's performance. It's cool to see Peach fight, but it's one of those all too common instances where the writers put so much effort into making the main girl kick ass and be an effortlessly confident girlboss that they forgot to give her an actual personality. Not that I'd point to Super Princess Peach and its mood swing superpowers as positive representation or anything, but there's a happy middle ground, surely. Shrek was 22 years ago, just having the princess do flying kung fu kicks isn't enough.

Okay. With the voices out of the way, let's talk about the big picture:

It's way better than the words "Illumination Mario movie" implied, and I mostly enjoyed my time with it. The spirit of Mario is there 100%. But I'd also describe it as "ruthlessly efficient."

This was perhaps the main complaint critics had, and they were absolutely right. People have responded to these totally average reviews with "Well, what did you expect? Shakespeare?! It's MARIO!!" Like, yes, I would prefer it if the movie I paid to see had writing that was good instead of bad. What a shocker. My issue isn't that it's not "high-brow" enough. The problem is that it feels mercenary. It feels like an editor went through and deleted almost every line of dialogue that isn't some form of exposition, at the expense of the pacing. Any scene that's not a montage or some sort of action is kept as short as they could make it, with barely any room for embellishment, character interaction, or anything other than the bare minimum word count to hit all the typical Save the Cat Hollywood screenwriting 101 story beats to the letter. There aren't even as many jokes as you might think (and the ones that are there are extremely hit or miss, including a lot of the slapstick with Mario himself).

Mario and Peach's little arc together in the front half of the film is probably the worst example of this pacing. Even having read reviews that complained about how fast Peach goes from meeting Mario (by her admission the first other human she's ever met) to deciding to train him as the new savior of the Mushroom Kingdom, I was SHOCKED at how fast it was. They don't even lampshade it.

Peach takes Mario straight into the big training sequence where he learns how to use mushrooms and jump over platforming obstacles. Peach is apparently already a hypercompetent platforming pro and a great fighter, so there's no clear reason why she's taking the time to train this random guy to be half as good as her when the world is in danger. Then they set off on their adventure, Toad joins them, and we get a VERY brief travel montage. It's about thirty seconds total - just long enough to give Peach a line about how she wants to protect this beautiful world of hers to try and give her some stakes. We get the genre-mandated nighttime campfire heart to heart, which is exactly long enough to have Mario say he misses Luigi and to have Peach give the two sentence summary of her origin story and not a second longer. Then they reach the Kongs, and their big journey is complete. (They barely interact for the rest of the movie.) So much of the movie is like this - always ready to get on to the next scene as soon as a new one starts.

I'm not criticizing the script because I expect The Super Mario Bros. Movie to be a prestige drama - although there are certainly halfhearted attempts at a dramatic arc. The stuff with Mario's family was a fun enough idea, but again, ruthless efficiency. We get one quick scene with them at the start to give Mario some pathos, because I guess Save the Cat said he's gotta have some pathos. And then Mario gets his dad's approval amidst the action of the final battle in Brooklyn to resolve his arc, just so the movie can end as quickly as possible once Bowser is defeated. (Despite now having the approval of their family and their community back in Brooklyn, Mario and Luigi move to the Mushroom Kingdom off-screen without a single word dedicated to this decision, because that's where they live in the games.)

Look. I am not comparing it to The Godfather. Don't give me that shit. I am not asking for an extra half hour to explore Mario and Luigi's childhood trauma. I am not asking for the complex inner workings of the Mushroom Kingdom monarchy. I know this is gonna be a basic Hero's Journey adventure for kids. It just feels like it's turning down so many opportunities to have a little fun with the characters, to let them interact and play off of each other, to let there be some adventure on this adventure. This is the first time we've gotten to see these characters interact with fully voiced dialogue in a very, very long time! "Yeah, it's not High Art, but it's FUN!" Stories are fun! Character interactions are fun! The script could be having so much more fun!! It is adamantly against making the Story parts of this story-driven movie any more Fun than they functionally need to be!!!

Mario, Peach, and Toad's journey to find the Kongs is shorter than the training montage that precedes it. After the opening, Bowser mostly just sits in his castle and waits for the third act to start. Luigi's there, too, but he only gets one scene with Bowser and then the movie mostly forgets he exists until the climax. He doesn't even get to try and sneak out of Bowser's castle and get up to hijinx. He's just there to be a motivation for Mario, so he sits in a cage for half the movie. It's the bare outline of a script with action scenes added in.

Aside from the fact that it's Jack Black singing as Bowser, I feel like this overly-efficient script might be part of the reason why the "Peaches" scene stands out so much. It's a moment that didn't strictly need to be there to keep the plot moving or to provide an action setpiece. It's not even a reference to another Mario thing. It's just a fun and memorable little character moment that's there for its own sake. That's what the movie needed more of. To stop and smell the roses more often. To play in the space.

To be clear, this isn't a unique problem with this movie. Critics have been noting for years that second acts are disappearing from big Hollywood movies in favor of the Act I plot setup and the Act III action, even though Act II is supposed to be where you get to explore your actual premise. And lots of animated movies give me this exact same vibe of being too "screenwriterly," or feeling like they had an executive breathing down their necks and demanding changes based on focus testing. But these common issues are why I come away mostly feeling like the movie is on the better end of "average," rather than totally blowing my mind. You have seen this movie many times before, just not with Mario in it.

And, of course, there's the music. The score by Brian Tyler based on various classic Mario and Donkey Kong tunes (frustratingly all attributed to Koji Kondo) is absolutely beautiful, but it's unfortunately frequently overshadowed by the licensed music. Everyone already complained about things like the use of Take On Me in place of a lovingly arranged DKC medley, but it feels illustrative of the tug of war the movie is caught in the middle of, between wanting to be a lavishly faithful Mario movie and wanting to be a generic tentpole animated adventure movie. Every single licensed song used is the most obvious, overused song they could have picked for the scene. It reeks of cynical executive meddling and it took me out of the movie every time.

But there really was a lot of care and love put into this movie - more than probably any other video game movie ever made, not that that's a high bar. I don't want to underplay that too much amidst all my complaints spurred by the absolutely insane response to the reviews.

Aside from the countless background references that people will be picking apart for years, touches like the Captain Toad tune playing in the background of Toad's introduction or the Mario Kart 8 menu music playing in the kart garage really help bring it to another level of authenticity. I also enjoyed seeing some more obscure Mario enemies that felt like they were picked more for being fun to animate than for being nostalgic and marketable. No matter how many times I sarcastically pointed to the screen and deadpanned "reference. reference." I am not immune to noticing these things and smiling. I am not immune to the DK Rap. These alone don't make the movie good, but it's nice to have a video game movie that feels like it was made by people who like video games.

Most importantly, the animation is great throughout. It's leaps and bounds ahead of other Illumination work, and it's the best the Mario cast has ever looked. They even made Donkey Kong handsome, somehow. They're all so squishy and expressive, and they move so fluidly - especially in the action scenes. I particularly liked the more kinetic ones like the aerial Banzai Bill chase and the Mario Kart sequence. Truly, the Mad Max-inspired car battle on Rainbow Road where Mario literally does the speedrun shortcut is this movie firing on all cylinders.

Other, more hand-to-hand fights nail the Popeye-esque vibe Mario should be going for. He's an underdog who gets the shit kicked out of him by bigger, stronger opponents until he gets his signature powerup and turns the tables on them. My favorite animation of all probably came from the use of Cat Mario to turn the tide in the DK fight. They had so much fun making Mario move like a cat. Again, it feels like a choice made because it'd be fun to animate rather than just a nostalgia move.

It's that animation and that attention to detail that carry the film, really. They elevate it from mediocrity into being a fun watch for a fan like me, albeit one I couldn't help but pick apart with Anthony as we watched it at home. I'm glad I saw it, but there's a lot of room to improve with the inevitable sequel. I hope they do. I can't deny that I had fun with the movie, but I hope next time that fun is partially because of the script instead of in spite of it.

Stray thoughts:

Overall, I would say I enjoyed the movie a lot more than Sonic 1, but probably not as much as Sonic 2. Not that these movies need to be pitted against each other.

I hated the Luma. I hated how hilarious they clearly thought the Luma was. They have the fucking Luma break the fourth wall to end the movie and start the credits. This is going to be a deep cut for fans of bad animated films, but the whole time I was just thinking of the little fish from Romeo & Juliet: Sealed With A Kiss who's just the director's kid saying random nonsense. You know I'm right

I rolled my eyes at the "our princess is in another castle" joke and several other jokes that would have been dated in a gamer webcomic 20 years ago but I guess they had to be there

How much of Brooklyn did Bowser's giant floating castle take out? We know 9/11 happened in this universe because the Freedom Tower is there, hasn't New York been through enough

I can't believe there's a Diskun easter egg

The dog is the most Illumination character design in the movie. It felt like it wandered on set from The Secret Life of Pets

Mario being a gamer and playing Kid Icarus of all things just made me remember this tweet:

Yes Anthony did get mad at me for being thirsty for Bowser

[sparklykat-hideoutenthusiast]

I've seen people doing an intro post so I suppose I should do the same right? I have no idea how to do this, I'm just winging it :3

INTRO POST TIME WOOO!!

Follow my other blog where I reblog a bunch of stuff and things for the full experience of my personality and interests! @eckos-reblogs ! :3

Oh, and I guess @nature-is-mystical is my other random blog that you can follow...as well..if you want..that blog is just for reblogging nature stuff and posting nature stuffz... (Occasionally rhymes come with it ig)

I will continue to edit this, probably for the rest of time to get it right since I'm a slight perfectionist lol

Hello! I've been an artist for around 5 to 6 years, and I still kinda suck at it! I do traditional art normally but I've been branching out to digital art as well. I mostly draw animals, anthropomorphic creatures, creatures in general, whatever beautifully ugly faces I can come up with, and sometimes human faces!

My main Media for traditional art is, pens, pencil, gel pens, paint markers (posca) and normal markers! I hope to soon branch out to ink! (Maybe one day you'll get to see some watercolor stuff from me. It's not that good of watercolor art and I don't enjoy painting too much tbh)

Anatomy You say? Don't know her 😔

If you are interested, I do art requests! It's not guaranteed to be good or to be done quickly but I will try my very best every time. You can even request multiple times if you'd like, just try to keep the time frame a bit spaced out so I don't get overwhelmed :3 ❤️

If there's something I don't mention here that you're wondering if I can draw or not, give me an ask in my inbox and I'll let you know! (Pls, I'm friendly I swear)

You can also dm me if you'd like but I'd prefer the askbox instead (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠)

I can't draw: items, anatomy, bodies (unless you want the equivalent of a boxy stick figure), rendering, lighting, dragons (without a reference), romance/NSFW (no, just no.), hands, legs (for the life of me 😭), +more

I can draw: faces, animals (mostly cat related ones but you can request any animal and I'll at least try to draw it.), different hair styles (only with a reference), eye bags (I think they're pretty lol), dragons (only with a good reference), +more!

My name is Ecko and it's my preferred name but you can refer to me as Melleona (my OC) or by a nickname as well if you'd like! (just please ask me first if you want to use a nickname as I'm bad with setting boundaries.)

My pronouns are She/Her but feel free to refer to me as "it" or "that" :3 (when I was a bit younger i was often referred to as "it," as a joke, I found it incredibly funny and don't mind being referred to as "it" now)

I'm a minor! Mind your words, don't send me gross/weird asks or messages. (I've already had a few people message me asking for my age, a picture of me, and my sexuality. No, I will not be sharing my real appearance on here. my age? Minor, that's all you need to know. My sexuality? I don't know and you don't need to know either, respectfully ^^❤️)

IDC if I post something slightly suggestive or that says I know about 18+ themes. I posted it, not someone saying something to me of those themes. Sure, I understand the stuff but It really doesn't matter now does it? It just means I understand enough to know you shouldn't be saying that stuff to me. (Boundaries ✨)

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I do half-curse in posts from time to time. I do censor it a bit tho, like "f7ck" for example. Hope ya don't mind (⁠；⁠^⁠ω⁠^⁠）

I support the lgbtq+ community! And I don't discriminate against race. I really shouldn't have to say this. (˘⁠･⁠_⁠･⁠˘)

I will respond to money asks with "!!" And that's it. I don't have money and even if I did I don't got any money to spare. I'm broke and struggling too. Not to mention, I'm a minor and can't just go out and get the stuff. I hope you understand and I wish you all the best!❤️❤️❤️

Some games and shows and stuff I like:

Shows and stuff: Rick and Morty, adventure time, lost in space, bsd (never watched it but I've seen enough of it on the Internet to know a bit about it. Very interesting :3), Some of the Life Minecraft series, httyd, doctor who, and more!

Games/fandoms: Yonder(Yonder Cloud Catcher Chronicles.), Minecraft, the Stanley parable, tiny bit of South Park, cotl, MLP(childish I know but I don't care. I love them), creepypasta, SCPs, Trevor Henderson's creatures (mostly cartoon cat), and more!

Stuff and things: Art, apparently I make rhymes now too?? and more!

General facts about me! Yippee!

I live in a bus (not decked out like you see on social media though. We just live in a bus lol), I live with my ma (my dad is my step dad and he and my mom just broke up recently sooo ye), I blank out a lot and just stare at people for no reason (which freaks them out), I have greyish blue eyes (a long with some, I'm pretty sure permanent eye bags lol), I get energy right before nighttime mostly (and then it disappears as soon as it reaches around 11 pm to 12 am), My favorite color is maroon (and any type of blue along with orange and yellow and forest green..mostly just comfy vibe colors tbh but maroon is a fixed piece), my favorite animal is a cat (although I have a dog. Muffin doesn't count as a dog, she's practically human. Apart of the family.), and more!

(I'll update this as I go)

[I will block as I see fit]

Do not interact with my blog if: You're racist, you only or mostly have sexual themes on your own blog (I apologize but it makes me uncomfortable. Have some other interests and it might make me less uncomfortable ^^), if you in general just enjoy hating on people for no reason (I like to make my area a safe space for people) (more will be added later when I think of what to add)

(Added a specific part of that bc a moot felt they were making me uncomfortable by having such themes on their blog. I didn't really realize at first but yes that does make slightly uncomfortable but I don't really care as long as you have other interests. If s3x is your only interest, it weirds me out to have those types of people interact with me. Just know you're all good moot, you're not the type of person I was aiming it at. There are other people that just don't think about anything else but $ex and relationships that creep me out and you are not one of them. ^^❤️)

Things about me, (random stuff): I am cringe from time to time, my fav colors are maroon and any kind of blue, orange is nice too though,

I appreciate any and all constructive criticism. IDC if it sounds rude and might hurt my feelings, TELL ME so I can help better myself and my blog! I'm dum and will most likely not notice I'm doing something weird or anything :P <3

•Send me asks! Want to hug one of my OCs? Send an ask!- Want to slap the sh1t out of one of em? Send an ask!- Want to introduce me to a new (or old) fandom I don't know of but you think I might be interested in? Send an ask!- Want to say hi? Send an ask!- Want to- ok- I'm sure you get the point now lol Send an ask!! I love interaction :3 (I'm friendly I promise 😭)

•Moots:

@theachskid @voidsweirdthoughts @burningbutter @rafrfr @rateater2000

@footlongdingledong @ender-the-insomniac @thistlebriar @rspoetry @virtualcroissantflapcolor

@jawdoesstuff @storythesilly @yourfavoritecuntist @chamber-of-voices @i-draw-things

@2oo7xddd @catsreblogging @silli-billy15 @totally-not-a-commie @khloethecatsworld

@1nd13gh0st @cur1os1tyk1lledme @nonbinaryriverclan

@sensehumor ♥️

+any future moots/one's I might have forgotten (I hope I wouldn't forget anyone 🥲)

My art ↑

Tags and stuff! To help you find stuff in my blog better through search :)

#Ecko draws -exactly as is obvious, it will be for when I make art, digital or traditional.

#Echoes Ramble -For posts of mine that include no art or anything. Just me talking.

#Echo answers - For when I answer asks!! :D

#Mama Change - For when I mention my mom. (Her name is change..or it's more of a nickname but no one calls her by her actual name except for professional/job people like a dentist or something)

Yippee!! That's all for now folks! ❤️

Not my art ↑

I'll update this whole thing as I go, any questions, just send an ask and I'll update this with the answer as well as you know- replying in general lol :3