#that is how I will operate today
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I am fairly sure I just laid in bed all night with my eyes closed not actually sleeping but my watch insists that I did get five hours of sleep so im going to pretend that’s true
#it was a long night I swear I was aware of every minute of it#it rained all night but it was a lovely rain. I remember listening to the rain all night m#and when the thunder rolled in this morning that was also nice#anyway today I will be functioning on willpower and uh can I will into placebo because#between my sleep data. and the mythbusters saying rest is better than nothing#that is how I will operate today
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it's been exactly a year since the last chapter of Operation Walburga's Arbitrary No Kissing Ever Rule and I still miss it. This scene is probably one of my favourite things I've ever written and I've wanted to draw it for forever, so now seemed like an appropriate time
#jegulus#jegulus fanart#marauders fanart#regulus black#james potter#james x regulus#marauders#regulus black fanart#james potter fanart#starchaser#sunseeker#regulus x james#marauders era#jegulus fanfiction#fic: operation wanker#hp#mine#my art#ngl this drawing specifically made me realise why i prefer writing over drawing#i think too much in concepts to be able to capture a scene in a way that i want#you cant draw the same thing from several perspectives at once if you dont wanna go for cubism#(tho honestly cubism fanart sounds like a concept i could get behind mmmmm)#anyway i stayed up far too fucking long to finish this in time for today (and by too long i mean until 8am too long)#because originally i had planned to start posting ritardando as my anniversary celebration. yk more fake dating and all that...#but alas i scrapped the whole thing so drawing happened instead#not 100% satisified with how this turned out cause i dont know how perspectives work. or people. or backgrounds outside. you get the idea#i really very much like the second one tho i think its very pretty
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operator is good at treating ptsd (umbra) so they can also handle ordan karris right????
i need ordan karris in my orbiter.
(he can't because they're literally the same being)
#ordan karris singlehandedly occupied all my thoughts today#like#uh#if i say too much that would kinda be a spoiler so i guess i have to shut up for once#but honestly i still can't really handle au setting stuff about him#these count as oneshots i don't wanna actually deal with how ordan and the operator would meet now#warframe#warframe operator#warframe ordan karris#warframe ordis#my art
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h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work
unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion
#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad#because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid#i’m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now i’ve eaten something and we’re so back#i also don’t really do caffeine. except sometimes i’ll go get one of those panera death lemonades#i might be able to snag a short nap before work#but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen#WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE#well. okay whatever i’m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway#OKAY i’m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure i’m not lying. because i’m normal.#anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how it’s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently#emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it#and i’m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and that’s how he got his start in the fashion industry#so now i’m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever?#and that’s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this??#also i just checked and it doesn’t say emilie’s last name in the credits and also it’s ‘graham films’ with the twin rings logo m#so i’m assuming she’s still emilie graham de vanily at that point#anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari#after escaping her british nobility life#and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course.#and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone she’s ever known#and he’s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates.#and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time#also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w#but at least he’s still obsessed with her#this is what i was thinking about during class today. i don’t know how i get anything done either.#ml#anna rambles#asks
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Something space themed for Meiko's 20th because there's meant to be a meteor shower visible where I live tonight
#unlabelled drawing tag#vocaloid#meiko#this took me all day and the sketch was like half of that time#i don't really like how this looks but it's my first full piece since my operation so it can look a bit whatever#i don't draw meiko as much as i should so the way i draw her might change in the future#btw she's wearing leggings because i didn't want her to get cold in space#also kidpix stamps i will be putting stupid stickers on my art until i die <3#re: the meteor shower i probably won't be able to see it because it's been raining today :(#anyway happy 20th meiko you deserve so much more than you get. i love you#id in alt text
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Thinking tonight about Caelus, and the nature of his loss and his grief after the Everything that went down in Penacony during 2.0.
Because Acheron, Black Swan, and Misha kind of knew of Firefly, they at least met her, but they didn't like really know her, and Caelus never even got the chance to introduce her to the rest of the Astral Express Crew. The only person who would have talked to her much was Sparkle, who is. Probably not really someone Caelus is interested in grieving with skznmsks
Anyway, all this to say, I like thinking about how alone poor Caelus is in his grief, because he was the only one who knew Firefly. He's the only one really mourning her. There's no one to talk about her with. There's no stories to trade or memories to reminisce with anyone over. It's not as though he knew her for long, but still. No one else knew her at all.
And I love the thought of all of this coming bubbling up, hot and acidic and bitter, during a conversation with Sampo, who Caelus just so happens to run into in the Golden Hour. Poor Sampo is kinda blindsided, he knew shit was going down in Penacony, but yeesh. And he just. Isn't quite sure what to say about it all, because he's never really encountered this before. His feelings about the Masked Fools are...a mixed bag, but he's been a part of them for a very long time, and when you're with a close organization like that, it's hard to feel alone, in grief or otherwise.
So Sampo sits there on their little bench that the two of them have occupied, and he thinks of his old friend April, how she'd died in his arms cackling and spitting her own blood after a heist gone wrong, and how after he'd dragged himself back to the World's End Tavern they'd all held a Fool's Funeral- which is basically just a big party where everyone gets really really drunk and reminisces and toasts the dead and celebrates their life.
He still thinks about her a lot, and he remembers how the time he'd most keenly felt her absence was on Jarilo-VI, the one place where he couldn't talk about her because he couldn't say anything to give himself away as an alien. The Fools still tell stories about her every time he goes back to the Tavern. His first toast of the night is always in her name. Even now, all these years after she'd died, Sampo is still learning new things about her. He's never had to grieve her alone.
Caelus doesn't have any of that.
He might never have that. As they speak, Caelus has no proof that Firefly was even her real name, or if she dreamt with her true appearance. He might not ever find out who she even was.
And just imagining that kind of loneliness hollows out a strange little pit, right behind his sternum, deep between his ribs.
So Sampo claps Caelus' shoulder and offers him a deal. Come find him outside of the dream. He knows a guy who can get them a lot of beer for really cheap-
("Is that guy you and your five finger discounts?" "Whatever do you mean, dear friend, I don't even know the meaning of the phrase, hehee.")
-and they can hole up in a bar or a hotel room or something, and get completely shitcanned. Tell him all about Firefly, tell him everything, and he'll tell Caelus about April and everyone else he's ever lost. Sampo will carry Caelus' memories of Firefly with him, and at least this way, Caelus will be a little less alone in remembering her. And the next time they cross paths, Sampo will be the one to bring her up, and to tell her stories, and Caelus can get to be the one listening. He won't have to be the only person to talk about her anymore.
Caelus rolls his eyes when Sampo avoids another remark about sticky fingers, but...ok, yeah. That sounds good. Nice, even. Thank you. Caelus bumps his shoulder against Sampo's. Sampo bumps back.
(They find each other again the next day, and true to their word, get themselves completely and utterly shitcanned. Caelus talks more than Sampo has ever heard him; every minute detail, every word choice, Firefly's every odd little mannerism and habit. Because Caelus wants to make sure this will outlive him, that even if the Stellaron dwelling within him finally burns him to a crisp and he really does up and kick the bucket, or even, godforbid, if he forgets, he wants to make sure someone remembers her. She deserved that.)
((And it takes quite a while, after that. Caelus doesn't see Sampo again until after everything has settled down. On his last day in Penacony, he finds the guy slinking out of a seedy back alley and all but runs right into him. Sampo happily leads him to some dive bar in an even seedier back alley that Caelus has never even heard of, and Sampo raises his glass. "To Firefly! Who sounds like she probably would have hated me at first, but I would have liked to have met her anyway."
And Caelus stares at him, almost looking startled, long enough that Sampo worries that he's read him wrong and brought this up too soon. He's halfway into planning how to talk himself out of this situation when Caelus finally throws back his head back and laughs, tells him that yeah, Firefly would have politely called him out on every lie he told, and all their conversations would take twice as long with the way Sampo is so full of shit.
And he can see it, the same way he watches and sees through everyone, that Caelus' eyes have a tightness to them, his knuckles are nearly white around the handle of his mug. But he smiles. He hits his glass against Sampo's far too hard and throws it back and gets foam everywhere like he does every time they drink because the guy's about as elegant as a raging bull, but those things don't lessen the genuineness of his smile.
The grief is there, but so is the elation, and those emotions aren't a sliding scale between one or the other. It is all of both and both at once, and that's what contents Sampo enough to throw his own mug back when Caelus makes a toast of his own, "to April!!".))
#caelus#sampo koski#hsr caelus#hsr sampo#sampo & caelus#honkai star rail#hsr#my fics#me a few days ago: my favorite silly little guys uwu#me today: ANGST#honestly I feel like this isn't even a super strong angst though#it's more just. bittersweet? melancholic? something.#I JUST. REALLY LOVE STORIES ABOUT THE NATURE OF GRIEF#and 2.0 laid the groundwork for that beautifully woohoo#I just remembered this probably isn't common knowledge oops but April is the cute red haired girl in Funny Bone#her name was revealed by the creators on twitter. she's named April like April Fools!#anyway I ship it hardcore now thanks bucket boi & studio#but anyway yes I love and adore the loneliness of the trailblazer's loss and grief after 2.0#because we know from Sunday that Firefly is “spiritually dead” but the trailblazer wouldn't have that knowledge#and they wouldn't know her identity or about any of her connections to other people#and I love that juxtaposed against Sampo and the possible strange nature of his own grief-#-given how the Masked Fools operate and how they see Elation in everything and everywhere#Sampo is no saint- like at all lol- but I do like him and Caelus getting along and being bros#and I don't think it would be terribly ooc for him to care about someone he sees as a genuine friend#he maybe rarely considers someone a genuine friend. but still dmxjjdjdk#listening to Sam's boss theme as I tag this... have been listening to it a lot ever since I finished 2.0 tbh#it's probably what inspired a lot of this haha#because it does sound strong and intimidating and imposing#but you can hear it#the heartbreak
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lark's recently-read byler fic recs
thought people could use some uplifting 💕🫶 please remember to hype up your favorite fics and art and other creative work & remember there's always something new to enjoy!! browse the tag or ao3 page & give someone's work a some love!! xoxo
If Time Runs Out by @rainypebble07 (T, ongoing, 14k+) - BYLER PIRATE AU!!! 🏴☠️ i literally just discovered this one today and i'm actually obsessed. i have never seen any other pirate aus (🤨) n i just wanna say u guys are missing out on the concept and on this fic bc i'm so invested. i'm so excited to see where this fic goes. royal mike x pirate mike is SO GOOD.
how to get your crush to believe you love him: a guide by mike wheeler by @newlesbianprideflag (T, 3/4, 11k+) - mike goes across the country to visit will at college in an attempt to confess his feelings to him. will, who has a boyfriend already and would like to think himself very over mike, thank you, is not impressed. this one deconstructs a lot of popular/fanon tropes and is really great so far!!
california show your teeth by @fireflywitch (T, 8/19, 63k+) - ok this one mayyybe only has background byler but i'm reccing it anyway bc it's one of my FAVORITE regularly updating fics maybe EVER. in early 1985, chief hopper and his average, normal family move from lenora hills, california to hawkins, indiana--the latter of which has had multiple tragedies over the past few years, to which the new chief's family may or may not be linked. LIKE WHATTTT 👀 go read it RN. masterpiece
All Good Dogs by @hellfiremike (T, 1/1, 3.8k) - this one actually made me cry. featuring: an EXCELLENT character study of will byers, a heartfelt examination of canon and what comes after, and chester the dog getting the attention he deserves and never got in canon 😭
kiss me (try to fix it) by birthofv3nus (T, 1/1, 4k) - will has kissed every member of the party except for mike, who is, understandably, taking this news *SO* well and is not jealous about it at *ALL.* but maybe his situation is not quite as dire as he believes it to be....ugh this one was such a fun read, and you know i loveee party dynamics!!
drank my poison all alone by silverluminoqity (T, 1/1, 4k) - mike is going through it, and, though vecna seems to have been vanquished, maybe he's not so completely gone as everyone thinks.... this is an excellent exploration of both mike's guilt as well as his evolution as a character, and how he views himself. super in-character and super good!!
high tide came and brought you in (and i could go on and on) by silverluminoqity (T, 1/1, 8k) - MOTEL FIC MOTEL FIC MOTEL FIC 🥳 or, mike and will have yet another heart to heart, and some things are revealed. this fic is just so completely heartfelt and UGH i was MELTING the ENTIRE TIME, holy SHIT. probably in my top 3 motel fics EVER tbh.
Chasing Heartlines by @cherryisgone (T, 1/2, 6k+) - i was so excited to read the first chapter of the sequel to maybe one of the best byler fantasy aus ever!! knight mike pining after prince will is something that can actually be so personal to me. i love a good mike-won't-shut-up-about-will fic. the attention to detail in this fic is actually INSANE.
#byler#byler fic recs#byler fic rec#will byers#mike wheeler#stranger things#fic recs#posts of lark#tbh i feel like this is exactly how i ought to operate my tumblr#pop on every once in a while to rec fics and then whoosh away again into the unknown#*bangs on ceiling which is the floor of byler tumblr's apartment*#READ FICS YOU COWARDS THERE'S SO MUCH GOOD SHIT OUT HERE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING OUT ON#COMMUNITIES DON'T WORK UNLESS THEY'RE RECIPROCAL#SO GO SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION FOR A NEW WRITER TODAY. OR FOR A WRITER YOU'VE NEVER SPOKEN TO BEFORE#go tell them how much they mean to you!!#anyways. love u all 💕
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why is it that I don't realise how bad the bad days weeks are, until I have a good day and I can look back and realise that I've actually been fucking drowning
#chronic pain#chronic illness#chronic fatigue#i swear today i woke up from a month long haze of brain fog and pain#it's ridiculous how much better i feel#when literally yesterday i was giving myself shit for not doing a lot of work#bc id convinced myself that the level I was operating at was normal#ellie talks
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How long is the wait before you have to Kribble Krabble???
Cuz like. We've no idea how long B-Man was head elf, right? We know that he was for SURE head elf for Scott for 8 years at least. And we KNOW he's been there for a HAUTE MINUTE given the photo he has with Mad Santa, okay? So HUNDREDS of years, then about 8 for Scott.
Then Curtis takes over and we know he's been head elf for like, at LEAST that year (given how he says "fyi I'm head elf NOW" to Jack, and Santa comments frequently enough on how Curtis needs to get his head in the game (wildcats!) bc he's head elf now), right? Then literal DECADES pass and we KNOW in that interim, Curtis explodes but then doesn't and goes on kribble krabble instead, right?
Okay. So like. Betty has deffs been there for a HAUTE MINUTE. I don't think there's ANY comment on how/when she started. So we can assume Betty has been there for DECADES at least if the whole Escape Clause debacle had Curtis exploding his way to Kribble Krabble.
Now I THINK she mentions she deferred it a bunch, or SOMEONE mentions she did. So like. Okay. We can deffer a Kribble Krabble. Cool! But how long did she do that for? How long did B-MAN do that for?
Moving on!
So Betty finally goes on Kribble Krabble, and then a year later Noel goes with her on his (their) Kribble Krabble so basically, WHEN DOES THE KRIBBLE KRABBLE TAKE EFFECT? BECAUSE THIS IS VERY MUCH GIVING
#dani speaks#the santa clause#the santa clauses#tsc#tsc2#tsc3#tsc 2#tsc 3#tscs#file this under 'more issues dani takes with franchises ignoring their pre-established lore for nostalgia points'#specifically tscs lol#but i just woke up thinking of pyros and cs. and then of tscs (and idk how pyros got me there)#and then of kribble krabble and then found myself wondering at the frequency and THEN. as the kids say#THE MATH AIN'T MATHING#and now i had to share the math not mathing with the 5 of you around year round.#you'll also have to forgive my shit citing of sources#i haven't watched the series since last year and i have no plans to do so again if i can avoid it#you'd have to get me really. very. entirely. shitfaced#like NOT EVEN DRUNK. SHITFACED#ANYWAY HI. HUBBERS GOT SICK LAST WEEK AND I WAS PULLING A BIT MORE WEIGHT SO HE COULD RECOVER#AND THEN I GOT WHAT HE GOT BUT LIKE. DIET VERSION#BUT WE ARE BACK IN OPERATION TODAY! FOR THE MOST PART!#there is still too much snot for my liking (which is more than usual but not a lot bc again. cold/flu lite)#BUT WE'RE GETTING THRU THE WORKDAY. IT'S NOT EVEN 9 YET. BUT WE'LL DO IT!#and then i can hopefully cast aside cursed tscs thoughts and finally post the scrimble from last week#which i finished thursday#then ouch oof ow. throat hurty#ALSO YES I KNOW THAT NOEL AND BETTY GOING ON KRIBBLE KRABBLE TOGETHER WAS DONE FOR THE CUTE SEND OFF FOR THEM#AND I LOVED IT!#JUST PUTTING THAT DISCLAIMER THERE
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NA VSartPARTY part 1/?? I have so many sketched out loosely but!! for now heres a few that ive cleaned up a little!! \o/ It was so nice to chill and just watch everyone jump about ty for having me~ Im horrible at remembering names haha im so sorry!! If you see your oc or know who these lovely ppl are let me kno!
#vsartparty#gw2#lmao sorry for the chicken scratch donnnttt zoom in or you'll see how messy my lines are oops#also these arent getting coloured cause my hand aint co-operating with me today :(#so many beautiful salads but i have some gremlins scribbled out along with the few fellow norn i spotted <w <
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ello
#anaesthetic does wonders for my skin which has always been weird to me#now onto the shitty stuff because i woke up during the surgery TWICE and after the second time they didn't bother give me something to numb#-the pain because it was nearly over?#and they did procedures on me. 1 - grab samples to see how far the cancer has spread and then#2 - cut out said cancer based off the results#because the last 2 operations they didn't cut it all out#but the real kicker here is they didn't wait for results and operated anyway#and therefore they potentially didn't get it all again and i'll need surgery again and today was a waste#anyway i started crying on the surgery table and couldn't stop and i was so fucking angry and tired#how have i been fucked over and over again like this like what the actual fuck is happening#it's like there's no communication or plenty of miscommunication#not just between me but the doctors too#the last few months have been so surreal like i feel like it's all a dream and can be undone because wtf. I don't feel human
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anyway this week I leant on my therapist's shoulder and ugly cried for like 10 minutes and as I was leaving I was like 'don't give me that face' and she was like 'I'm just very proud of your progress!' and I'm like 😡😡😡😡😡 THANK YOU 😡😡😡😡😡
#red said#i have cried in therapy before but i am usually always very in control of it#it's a 'tears are running but I'm otherwise normal' kind of crying or occasionally a 'take several deep breaths to pull myself together'#but it's dumb though cause we've talked about some very dramatic shit just fine and today i was just talking about like#my dumb adolescent-type insecurities about not being the kind of Cool And Collected And Exciting Person i want to be#ooooorrrrrr from another angle about how I'm 31 and have built my entire self-conception around being a person Things Happen to#and now at 31 entire years old I'm suddenly trying to figure out what sort of person i am beyond someone who's like#good at being tough and reacting with grace and fortitude to Things Happening At Me.#because Things stopped Happening At Me so much like. 5 years ago now. I'm in a loving relationship i have a stable home#i have a middle class income and great friends and it's been over 6 years since the last time anyone raped me.#my health is better than its ever been. both physical and mental. i am safe and i am loved and i am good at my job#so i can't really keep operating on a self concept where the only thing that i value in myself is the ability to survive#bc like I'm NOT surviving I'm GOOD. i can get what i want and be who i want. what the FUCK do i WANT??????????????
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Tfw you’re 32 and you realize it was your tonsil stones that tried to kill you when you were seventeen
#first off I didn’t know that’s what they had been until I was like 30#and I heard the term on the Sawbones podcast#and was like aaaaaah that’s what those bitches had been#no one ever told me because I extremely failed to describe them to the doctor at the time#but then again the doctor extremely failed to listen to me#anyway afterwards when they removed my tonsils and the site got turbo infected#and I almost died#and later they told me I’d be an asymptomatic carrier of a deadly bacteria#that quote - probably was hiding in some small nook of my throat harmlessly until a large wound happened to occur nearby -#well I guess nobody clued in or told me that you know tonsil stones form in the cratered pocket of the tonsils#AND ARE CAUSED BY BACTERIA#AND MINE HIT ALL THE SIGNS OF THE WORST AND MOST BACTERIA-ISH STONES YOU CAN HAVE#so yeah anyway I never managed to tell anyone abt them after the first doctor waved off my first attempt#at describing them#so idk if the operating staff even knew that Id been getting them and how bad they were#soooooo maybe they didn’t clean the area as good as they might have had they known bacteria was an issue#idk idk#anyway so that’s today’s realization!#tonsil stones are a BITCH#tw medical#sorry abt all that I needed to talk abt it#tw gross#tw body issues
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since the stage has a 2nd gen in cast it made me revisit who i think could be leaders of a 2nd gen hypmic cast based on connections to current leaders lol
#vee queued to fill the void#my head is still stuck in khr land so no stage dh rambling today lol but i hope the old thought can suffice lol#dh has such a self contained story idk who else it could be but if it’d be nice to see rosho’s brother if he’s real and not just for the bit#and it’s the joke that brought sasara and rosho together so that’s how it influences sasara lmao#i added alt text of who these guys are lol but idk if it’s there at all so it’s:#samejima ichiro’s first partner yagumo samatoki’s first partner hanabi ramuda’s influence#yotsutsuji lol rosho’s maybe maybe not non existent bro lmao and ren the guy kuukou helped#i kinda want kubiki as a leader but i have mixed feelings about kubiki being a leader and not rio lol#like on one hand kubiki gathered their old team and has been operating it in the shadows#on the other rio deserves to be a leader tbh lol iojaku passed the torch to him too#but i also like having old antagonists as leaders so wwyd lmao
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anyway i'm goin to be continuing my next simon fic (-: i plan to double my wc today !!!
#rowarnings#honestly i'm operating on a very very very loose outline#so we'll see how it goes#i'm at 700 words which i wrote yesterday#so todays goal is ~1400#but since i don't have a specific outline#i've got no clue how many words it'll be LMAOOOOO
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I know we passed around that post of the simulation novelization with Sisko recognizing Julian's hesitation to leave Garak as what he felt for Jennifer, but did they ever talk about it? I don't think Julian ever told Garak honestly- how could you tell someone that, someone you aren't supposed to trust, someone you know can take things and throw them back in your face- but did Sisko ever talk about that moment of self recognition?
#cipher talk#ds9#What's the name of this triangle? Garasiskoshir? Monstrosity of a name#It's not that I don't think Julian feels he can't trust Garak with that information so much as. Watching someone close to you die is a very#Raw feeling. Even if you're capable of being unmoved by injury and even death the way a doctor is#It's why you don't operate on loved ones. And factually yes; Garak could be cruel enough to twist that knife#Would he hate doing it? Who fucking knows. Depends on the circumstances I guess#Sisko is connected and removed in a way that could make talking about it easier. Connected in the aspect of recognition and witness#Removed in that he is not the person who died- though interestingly he also blackmails people (I doubt he would use this)#(Honestly I don't know how it could be useful at all its not a secret that they're close- the damage is purely interpersonal)#(Sisko doesn't extort or blackmail for personal grievances- it's basically entirely a professional tactic. Can you tell I rewatched#Second skin today)
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