#that is a very important point in all his further behavior: all that rage is because he KNOWS they couldve lived a life together if they

[sunshades]

Obviously a complicated subject to navigate but the theme of "a person's worth" in the canto is a very interesting adaptation of the book and I'm enjoying it very much.

Heathcliff's attitude towards and understanding of his own upbringing shapes how he acts with the second generation- it's a sort of experiment for him, as he sometimes likes describing it in scientific terms. Talking about the boys with Nelly he draws this distinction between Hareton and lil Linton, that Hareton is an incredibly smart child and very aware of his own situation and degradation- especially as he meets other people his age, namely the younger Cathy, for whom he quickly develops feelings for, and love becomes yet another thing he cannot be allowed to participate in.

While in game it's someone else who ends up saying these lines, what they're actually referring to + what they represent in the book is actually shown through Hindley, the degradation, relegation to servant and denial of education as well as the condemnation that to Hindley is the most cruel and most important: losing the worth "necessary" to be loved.

In the end book!Hindley's efforts go through in making Heathcliff a horrible person just like him, though neither his nor game!Hindley's plan ever manages to actually deprive Heathcliff of his sister's love (though they certainly work in making him believe that!), but book!Hindley's plans are further defied by Heathcliff becoming rich and educated, and book!Heathcliff's plans go off the rails even further as Hareton is not only smart, but also manages to become a legitimately good person- which is where I think it's very clear how game!Hindley is inspired by Heathcliff's book self. This line describes game!Hindley's behavior towards Heathcliff and Catherine just as much as it describes book!Heathcliff's towards Hareton and young Cathy.

But in the end the point is there's this awareness of being hurting and turning a person into something they're not, something worse.

I think it's also very important to note those first rate qualities he talks about are very heavily referencing Hareton's ability to learn. While Heathcliff doesn't talk about this when referring to himself by this point it's obvious his own learning abilities are something he's quite proud of, all through the book he's adapting and changing to what he's faced with (from his first appearance as a child, where he doesn't even speak the same language as the family, but learns soon after, to his final plan for his own burial) and by comparing himself to Hareton he's recognizing those same qualities in him. And I feel like with what we've seen of game!Heathcliff ever since the first chapter, and what we see of him in the different identities and mirror worlds, this is gonna be quite important in part 3- all the abuse has never deprived him of his ability to improve, to learn new things, to trust in new people, just as it's never deprived him of the love he no longer feels worthy of. So! Hope we'll get to see you realize that soon, Heathcliff!!!

[luludeluluramblings]

Neglected!Pregnant!Reader x Yandere!Bat Family Part Two

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Part One

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A/N: I was genuinely thinking this wouldn��t be as liked as it was. I kinda wanna take my time with it and slow it down. Focus on the Yandere aspect, and the little blurbs to go along with it. But, I hope y’all enjoy!

Warnings: Fem!Reader, Pregnancy, mild yandere themes (blink and you’ll miss it)

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It wasn’t like you had unintentionally forgotten to mention the apartment search to Stephanie. Mom brain can make you a silly forgetful goose.

Besides, other things had popped up that were much more important. Like, finding out the bean’s gender and finding yourself some actual maternity pants. Or, trying not to pass out. The waves of exhaustion that hit you were surprising. You had hit you second trimester and were supposed to start feeling better, the Doctor said.

But, apparently every pregnancy was different.

Stephanie, on the other hand, had started spending more and more time with you. Which was nice. The way you two were bonding over your experiences was kind of grounding. The little tips she gave were also kinda helpful. She tended to mother-hen you, though. Getting really strict about eating the cold cut sandwiches and your caffeine intake.

The lack of caffeine definitely didn’t help your irritably. Which you were struggling to control. You kept your snappy attitude to yourself as best you could, but sometimes the other’s in the house would do something that would make you glare at them. Alfred and Cassandra had definitely caught on that something was up. You showed the most restraint around them when it came to controlling your emotions. Stephanie was supportive as well.

But, Jason eventually had the absolute audacity to eat your fried cornbread one day. A recipe you had learned from your Momma’s Momma before she died. He left not a single crumb when you found him in the kitchen with a content look.

When you found the empty food container in the sink, you could feel your blood still.

“Did you eat my cornbread, Jason?” You had cooly asked, still looking at the empty container.

He had the further audacity to seem so nonchalant about it, “Yeah, it was good. You should make some more some time.”

“You ate my motherfuckin’ cornbread and you wanna telll me to make some more?” You were about take the empty container from the sink and chucked it at his stupid head.

“Watch the language, princess. It’s not that big a—“ Before he could finish, the restraint was gone and you were throwing the empty contain at him. Some of the dirty water splashing on him.

“What the hell? What gives?”

“You. Ate. My. Fuckin’. Cornbread. Do you know how much I was looking forward to that? And, you just fuckin’ ate it with a damn care?”

“Look, chill.” Jason is more baffled by your sudden behavior than anything to give you his usual temper. Normally you’re more mellow. Just letting them ignore you with ease. Hell, you used to seem scared of him.

“No, I will not fuckin’ chill. You ain’t ask, you just took it, you son of a bitch!” Honestly, you’re about to throw another dirty plastic container at him when Alfred walks in. Seeing the rage on your face and Jason sitting at the counter without care.

“Master Jason, I believe Master Dick requires your presence.” Alfred says with a masterfully controlled tone. You can’t tell if he’s lying or not, and, assumedly, neither can Jason because he gets up to leave.

Jason gives you a glare as he walks out of the kitchen. But, there is a hint of confusion in his gaze that you ignore in favor of trying not to cry over fucking cornbread of all things.

With a huff you go to pick up the empty container, only for Alfred to stop you.

“I believe you shouldn’t be straining yourself so much in your condition, my dear.” He picks it up for you before giving you a very pointed look. His eyes drifting towards the bump you have hidden underneath your oversized hoodie.

Instantly, guilt floods you. You hadn’t tell Alfred about the baby, despite him being your pillar of support in the manor. It makes tears actually spill over your lashes, and it cause you to feel even more frustrated that you can’t contain your emotions anymore.

“How long have you known?”

“I’ve had reason to suspect, but you yourself have just confirmed my suspicions, my dear.” The way Alfred’s single eyebrow raises makes to want to laugh on top of crying.

“Besides, I’ve noticed an unusual increase in the consumption of hot sauce and ice cream in this house. And, bowls containing the remains of the unholy concoction in the sink at the odd hours of the night.” But, the way he gives you a gentle and understanding smile makes a little choking noise escape you.

Thankfully, he lets you bury yourself in his chest as the tears start flowing. Willfully letting you ruin his freshly pressed clothes with your tears and snot. You can feel his hand rubbing your back like he was consoling a child, and you definitely felt like a child in that moment. A broken and pathetic child.

“I’m sorry” You mumble. The two words an apology for a million things. The tears, the recent volatility, the secrets, the way you’ve seemed to have lost control.

“You are forgiven, my dear. You are forgiven.”

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Jason had stormed into the cave, fully knowing Alfred had lied about Dick needing him when he saw him training with Damian and Steph. The sound of their soft grunts, punches, and kicks echoing a bit off the cave walls

“Alright, I’m just gonna say it. What’s the princesses’ deal? Little brat just threw Tupperware at me.” That got everyone’s interest and amusement.

“Are you sure you didn’t deserve it?” Tim quipped from the BatComputer with a grin. Typing away on another case.

“Shut it, Timbo. That’s not the point. She’s acting off.” He huffed as he moved towards one of the seats in the cave. Haphazardly throwing himself into the chair and leaning back with his legs spread.

“Maybe she’s finally coming out of her shell?” Duke suggested without looking over at him. Too focused on his gear. Checking over the material for any tears since the time he’d been on patrol.

Once again, the idea makes Jason scoff and further lean back in his seat.

“She’s literally been living here for years and now she wants to finally grow a spine? Not buying it. Something’s going on.”

“You sound like Bruce.” Dick immediately points out with a raised brow and a wiry grin. Him and the other two moving back over towards the rest of the caves current occupants. Sweat currently on their brows and forms.

“Fuck you, dickhead.”

Dick playful stumbles at the insult, clutching his chest. “Hurtful.”

“I don’t understand why you’re so concerned. Aren’t you always antagonizing her?” Tim points out mildly curious, but most of his attention is directed towards the giant screen in front of him.

“Not the point.”

“This conversation is pointless.” Damian mutters, taking a drink of water with a bored look on his face.

“Isn’t she your sister, Damian? You used to go on and on about being the blood son. Shouldn’t you care about your blood sister?” Tim goads him, never one to let Damian forget his old bratty behavior.

“Half-sister. She’s just a mistake.” He scoffs.

“Damian, knock it off.” Stephanie says with a sharp tone and a even sharper look.

That stuns everyone.

“Steph?” Dick says in… not concern, but bafflement.

“Excuse me, Brown?” Damian’s hackles rising. It was rare for him and Stephanie to go at it. But, not exactly unheard of.

“Just, knock it off, Damian.” She bluntly stated. Not allowing the argument to go any further before she’s whipping the sweat from her face and walking towards the cave’s stair. “Jason, where was she?”

He eyes her for a moment, slight suspicion on his blank face.

“In the kitchen with Alfred.”

“I’m going to go check on her.”

They’re quiet as her feet briskly climb the stairs.

“How much do you want to bet Steph knows what’s going on and isn’t tell us?” Tim breaks the silence with a curious look.

“I’m not taking that bet. But, I think you have a point, Jason.” Dick says, acknowledging his earlier suspicions.

“You have any ideas, Cass?”

“… Something is going on. Not sure what.”

“Guess we have a little princess mystery on our hands.” Jason snarks. Content on being validated, but mind now wondering.

“Might be interesting.” Tim replies with a shrug of his shoulders. “Oh, hey, Damian, just got a space transmission from Conner. Jon and him will be back in a few days and will probably stop by the manor.”

“Jon is tolerable, but must Conner come here as well.”

“Hey, he’s my best friend. Chill out.”

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A/N: Smalltown!Meta!Reader Part 8 has surpassed 4000 words and I’m still not done. And, I cut it in half. I’m really focusing on more dialogue, cause it’s starting to be kinda fun!

A/N: I will get to my asks. Eventually. I mean it, I cleaned it out and then y’all doubled it! I’ll get to it! One day!

A/N: The BatFam tags are lighting up y’all! We are blessed, we are fed!

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Taglist:

@bunbunboysworld @ellaprime7 @bad4amficideas @victoria1676

[kalims]

⋆ too drunk to recognize your boyfriend

feat. third years of diasomnia

malleus

"I.. have a boyfriend,"

to an extent. the guarded, suspicious look on your face would have concerned malleus to no belief, to others. he wouldn't have bat an eye whatsoever, but it's you so the feeling crawls up his spine and clouds his heart. he can't help the slight nudge of offense clouding his face cause you definitely shouldn't have any reason to make such a face to his.

the more his arm reaches out towards you—to ground your swaying form perhaps, the more you seem to be inching away from him. which shouldn't make sense at all! "child of man?" he murmurs. dropping the attempt to console you, to which you squint at him. back pressed against the front door to his dorm.

"who are you?!" you point at him, and he blinks. mortification spreads in his head. you've.. accumulated amnesia?!

malleus' fingers clench around the fabric on his chest, just after he had retracted the outstretched limb in fear of frightening you even more. there's a certain stiffness to his hand that illicit a drop of sweat from his forehead. him? he's your mal?

if he had the nerve to cry, he would.

but of course, you remain a priority. you exhibit unnatural behavior. no one just forgets important details in a day! you especially, won't forget about him! and he won't let you, ever.

you sway. your eyes darting around, and squinting like you're struggling to focus on one subject of your attention, a factor that might affect it is the fact you keep looking around instead on settling on something, preferably him. and, malleus is torn between steadying you, or him.

he chooses you.

despite your half hearted protest that audibly makes him sulk more, he twists the door to the dorm open and ushers you inside. not too much of a struggle, if anything, you seem lighter, and he almost actually hauled you around with minimal effort.

"must be a good night," a voice purrs, malleus doesn't have to glance at the source to know that it's lilia. years spent with the man does wonder with familiarity. it took him a couple of decades to get used to him. strangely enough he feels like he's known you longer, despite not.

the statement makes the taller male frown. lilia though, keeps the tiny smile, now tickled with a hint of amusement as the rubies shift from your blubbering form to malleus' face. oh? he's upset now. lilia muses. it's easy to ascertain his boy's move, like a sixth sense.

so lilia decides to probe further. "no? your face tells me otherwise."

malleus huffs a little. one of the habits he never seemed to grow out of ever since he learned to keep his... more draconic traits at bay. "you are less than accurate with your assumption," his eye twitches, either torn between distressed or irritation. despite the conflicting behavior, he still manages to treat you with a gentle hand while leading you towards the couch.

"it is a very terrible day." malleus continues. sad enough to complain, but fond of you enough to take the hint from your apparent cautious behavior towards him. lilia almost laughs when he spies him gloomy, sitting on the far end, away from you.

the lightning strikes just as the clouds roll in. lilia peers behind the curtains, chuckling a little at the weather.

well! he just hadn't seen malleus moping around this much since, what? when that gold trinket wouldn't fit in his tower anymore? "why so, my dear?" lilia coos, positively charmed by the 'adorable' disposition.

of course, he already knows. he'd heard your exchange moments ago.

lilia retains the easy look. "the child of man has forgotten about me," malleus explains. looking more stressed by the second. "whoever has done this, will pay." from a sad, faraway look to rage suddenly. "I beg of you, please return them." then switches back...?

he has half the mind to pretend like you're never gonna return normal but decides against it.

"of course!" lilia chirps. "they'll be well by tomorrow."

and, malleus looks like he had been holding the world by his shoulders seconds ago, a sigh of relief.

the next day, you're not sure why malleus is introducing himself in concerning detail. do you really need to know what color his assigned blanket was when he was given birth to...?

lilia

if anything, he's really the one who enabled your behavior.

"just one more." , "oh my, need another?" , "you look like you need it, come on now, don't be shy, you only live once~"

concerned, silver steadied you as you wobble on your feet. babbling about some nonsense under your breath which only illicits the boy to cast a disapproving glance at lilia (who only wears an amused smile).

"seems like they had quite the night." a cheery comment from the latter, and silver makes no move to resist when he moved closer with silent steps, then pries you to his side inside with a gentleness that would prove that he isn't.. actually the reason for your state, but not really.

lilia cooed, like he'd coddled them before. silver thinks but it is so distinct from the way he used to coax them into bed. "time for bed."

you peel your eyes open, squinting with a crease between your brows. you tug at your arm, of which doesn't really budge but lilia decides to humor the struggle so he lets go and raises his brows. "I'm not a kid!" you say, then turn your head to the side—like a kid.

oh, so adorable. lilia croons, swooning inside his head for a bit. how he'd like to simply hold you for hours end...

the romantic monolog of his daydreams though, is interrupted by you once more. ironic since you were the one he was just day dreaming about.

"oh, my. is that so? how lucky of me." he chooses to say instead.

silver sweatdrops. glancing between your hazy... anger maybe? it's not really anger in all honesty, just bordering. then to the lax demeanor his father exhibited. a glance would find normality in it, but he hasn't seen him pick on someone so...

he doesn't know the word for it, perhaps insisting on bothering a singular person as much as he can?

you gasp, snapping your head to silver. cause apparently you recognize him, but seemed scandalized by lilia's presence. "silver! protect me!"

amused, lilia watches you scurry back behind the boy.

"there's nothing to protect you from..."

"there's a man!"

"I'm a man too..."

"there's a bad man!"

your head peeks out from silver's confused frame, lilia's head follows the action. tilting to the side as you eye him hilariously warily. hmmm.. so very cute. "I'm an innocent, only wishing to steal my beloved." he replies, with a usual lightness. though the usual relaxation you had around him is replaced with irritation.

"you can't steal me away, my boyfriend and his children will strangle you."

lilia shares a look with silver. where did they get the idea of... such violence?

silver shrugs. not a clue, he seems to reply back, committed to just remaining a bystander even if he's technically in the middle.

"is that so?"

you nod vehemently, a more open vulnerability clear on your face than before. you point to lilia (well, technically you don't actually know its him! or maybe you're just playing with him?) squinting, accusing at all with him at the end of your pointer finger. the male only raises his brow, and flashes you a cheeky smile.

lilia contemplates playing with you. as in, replying 'why don't you guess?' because knowing you, even in this state you'd probably tell him: "how would I know?" then proceed to guess anyway.

you would have a cute expression, perhaps. but he isn't so cruel to the point where he would waste time—time you could be using to rest instead, preferably get sober, remember him when you wake up, and return to your lovey dovey self.

alright. maybe not lovey dovey on some days but he would definitely prefer that than you using his son as a shield against him, like the boy could actually hold him back.

well, it is technically his fault... but lilia had all the intentions to care for you if you ever got too drunk, he'd hold you up if you were too unsteady, guide you away from possible fiends, and make sure you recovered well the following morning.

but, this definitely didn't enter his area of expectations.

"yup!" you cry. "he might be short, but he can kick butt." for someone who's heard many arrogant words, he's never seen one who says one thing—a threat in your case, then you proceeded to cower behind the nonchalant silver.

you nudge silver.

silver blinks. "um... that's correct."

you glance back at lilia. as if to say I told you!

"so... he will kick my... butt?" lilia hums, indulging in using the word. goodness, good thing sebek is not here. that boy definitely would've kicked you out for endorsing such foul language.

he feigns a look of horror, to his amusement you seem to brighten.

simply adorable...

long story short. you seem to believe you've truly scared him off when he disappears.

concerned even more, silver watches you welcome lilia back with a dreamy sigh. like... you actually recognize him as your lilia, and not the guy you were just... threatening to bite the curb.

this is absurd... I should just rest... silver sighs.

lilia only beams at the showering affection.

[bakugoushotwife]

kinktober day twenty-one: impact play kink

>>> this right here is my girl dinner. i need him so so so so so so so so so so so so bad like PLEASE bakugou when you see this baby come home the kids miss you 😢

>>> starring: katsuki bakugou x curvy!f!reader >>>cw: fwb to lovers, impact play through spankings, choking, holding your head down, multiple rounds, breeding, one pregnancy comment, jealous katsuki, degradation, praise. >>>wc: 3k >>> event masterlist

you were the most annoying person he’s ever met, and that’s saying something. he would willingly dethrone even himself to crown you the biggest bitch in the entire world. maybe it was because you were a foreign exchange pro-hero sent to mingle and visit for relations between japan and your home country—though you’ve far overstayed your welcome. maybe it was because your quirk seemed to give you some air of importance like you were just as good if not better than everyone else, but either way, you were intolerable—at least he tried to pretend you were.

everyone else was eating you up though, as always. kirishima was dumb enough to follow you around with heart eyes, shouto knew how to play it cool enough—but bakugou knew he was vying for your attention. even shinsou and monoma gathered around to gawk at the way your hero uniform clings to your body like a second skin. they should all be embarrassed. you’re assigned to work at his agency anyway—there was no point in sweet talking you. you belong to him. at least, at work—and he hated it.

it was a special layer of hell to have you at his side. you were bossy, bubbly, and absolutely brilliant. your body was irritatingly perfect. his suit was tight too, you know, and raging boners as he carts around his guest was hardly his ideal patrol. you’re unafraid of getting your hands dirty and you’re even less afraid of him—which he lov—enjoys very much. you match his mouth and have never once backed down, which is probably why he’s so perplexed and fascinated and for the lack of better word—or maybe just the right one—obsessed with you.

you’re smart enough to know it, too. you smile extra big when you bring him breakfast every morning and you perch at the edge of his desk just to hear him grumble at you. you let him kiss you and feel your body, but you don’t let him call you his. you aggravate him on purpose, enjoying the way his eye twitches and his nose scrunches before he starts tearing you a new one. you know very well the effect you have on katsuki bakugou, so why do you toy with him like this instead of just ending his suffering?? why do you let your fan club follow you around in his agency when you could be sitting in his lap making out with him in between mountains of paperwork like usual—but no, you’re being way too flirty with kirishima for his liking.

all well and good, they know better than to touch you—at least he thought they did. but clearly monoma has no idea what lengths bakugou will go to to prove that despite your airy behavior—you’re his and his alone.

as soon as he sees monoma’s arm wrap around your waist, he’s standing in front of you, arms folded over his broad chest and arched eyebrow nearly lost between the spiky tufts of ash blonde hanging over his forehead. he’s waiting for you to denounce the behavior—not because he needs you to, but because he wants to see just how far your brattiness goes. you smile at him with those heart eyes, but ultimately choose to say, “hi dynamight. did you need something?”

oh goddamn, he’s fuming. apparently your brattiness knows no bounds. he can feel the steam pouring out of his ears as he grabs onto your wrist, nodding. “yeah—need my bratty little skank in my office right now.”

“ooh somebody’s madddd.” you giggle, though the other heroes seem surprised that he spoke to you that way. all it does is make your pussy tingle—you’re truly shameless and just as annoying as he claims you are. “don’t worry boys, it’s a loving pet name, i promise.”

he doesn’t let you explain further, deciding he isn’t going to chance you misbehaving. he lifts you up with ease, slinging you over his shoulder like a sack of laundry. the gesture gives you butterflies—by no means are you petite, yet he throws you around like you weigh next to nothing.

you dangle over his back, waving goodbye to all the hopeful toys you’ve used as a means to this end—to drive him so crazy he just has to claim you in front of everyone. and thank god this worked.

see katsuki may act like you’re the problem, but he’s no saint. he has women bowing at his feet now that he’s a six foot four two hundred and fifty pound top of the leaderboards pro-hero—not that he gives them the time of day. the problem is, he wants to be private, or in other words, a secret. you’re not down with that. the paparazzi follow you regardless, what difference does it make if the world knows? it only gives you the right to crush those rude bitches that went to school with bakugou that try to sing their praises now. fans are fans—you hate the other sidekicks and heroes and friends that eye him right in front of you—all because no one knows that you’re a thing.

so if that’s how he wanted to play, you’d make sure you won.

though winning is subjective, and bakugou clearly thinks he’s coming out on top. he stomps to the elevators with you hanging off of him like an accessory, but his anger still bubbles over his face. he grimaces at his peers, his firm grip on your ass should be enough to send a message but he won’t be done there. no, he won’t stop until your screaming is bouncing off every wall of his agency or until he has to pay fines for noise violations and workplace harassment. he won’t stop until you’re broken of your behavior.

the elevator doors aren’t open all the way before he’s sliding out of them, grumbling about your behavior.

“are ya fuckin’ dumb, princess?” he shakes his head, palming your ass. “wh’kinda man ya think i am? just gonna let my bitch flirt with some fuckin’ extras in front of my face? you must not know me very well.”

“big talk, hot shot.” you huff, your voice vibrating a little with each heavy step he took towards his office. you repress your giddiness. “finally change your mind? you want people to know i’m yours now, huh?”

you’re clever. he’ll have to give you that. in his rage, he hadn’t noticed that he all but confirmed those workplace rumors—that this will leak to tmz in a few hours anyway and all his moping and sneaking and stewing over you was pointless. because in the end he is a beast of nature, and can’t handle anyone having even a fraction of what’s his. this is as close as they’ll ever get, he thinks to himself as he shoves you over his desk—not patient enough to fiddle with the zipper of your hero costume. he is a strong enough man to pull it apart though, shredding it to pieces and grunting in approval of your nakedness before him.

“yeah smartass, i changed my mind. gonna make sure everyone knows yer mine.” he groans, so many ideas of how to get you wailing and declaring your love for him rush to his mind. you’re biting your lip already, hoping he has you bent over like this for a reason. you hear his gauntlets clank together on the ground, and you wiggle your behind in the air excitedly.

“don’t threaten me with a good time, daddy..” you giggle, throwing that out to help your case. he knows you’re still bratty, not nearly worn down enough to be his babbling baby girl just yet. he smirks anyways, clever all on his own. his eyes focus on those perfect globes of your ass jiggling before him. you love his hands on you, warmed with his quirk with just enough spark and pressure to turn you to mush in just a few minutes. coincidentally enough he loves turning your ass into a custom painting of his own doing—and you get so noisy when he spanks you, that it’s clearly the best option.

“i’m not threatening, skank.” he pops your ass once, just a touch of warmth to your skin. you jolt forward, humming at the pleasant buzz. “tryin’ to get me all worked up in front of my friends?”

“oh they’re your friends now? i thought they were just extras.” you taunt, stretching your arms out in front of you to lay your face against the cool wood of his desk. his hand grows warmer and a little harder as it hits your ass in the same spot as before, a matching one falling to your other cheek within a second. it makes you squeal out a bit in glee, the sting was addictive.

“both, depending on how i feel—mouthy brat.” he huffs, though he is admittedly amused. he relishes your sweet little moans as he smacks your skin in rapid succession, his hands steadying their heat with each collision. as he smacks harder, your skin broken and bruised in the shape of his hand—you still moan in pleasure, getting louder the harsher he got. “this is all my little whore wanted hah? not’ta be able to sid’down all day?” he chuffs happily, giving you three more harsh smacks in a row, all to the same spot. you’re whining at the top of your lungs, making him smile successfully.

“mhm! yes daddy—jus’ wanted your attention~” you purr, his ownership of you bouncing off the walls and hopefully echoing downstairs to those shitty betas who put their hands all over you—kirishima would be dealt with separately.

his hands are so hot and blistering, the force enough to physically ripple your fat cheeks. it makes tears spring to your eyes and you shake your head in submission, throwing in the towel as your skin welts up before his lidded eyes. he slides warm fingers between your legs, swiping at your cunt. he cackles at the slick dribbling down his fingers when he pulls away.

“soaked. geezus, just from fuckin’ whoopin’ ya.” he licks his teeth, thinking of all the ways he could take you against his desk, but decides to start with a little reprieve for you. his suit is peeled back effortlessly, curved hard on gathering all the slick that littered your thighs and dripped from your pretty hole. “ain’t even gotta finger ya open, bet my greedy princess has been plannin’ this all day, hah?”

you can’t restrain your confirming giggle, your head already in the clouds just from his handling. it was moderately embarrassing how easy it was for him to work you up, but he supposed that was some sort of payback for how easily you consume his every waking thought—and some of the sleeping ones too.

he chuckles, kicking your legs a little wider so he can take you just like this. you gasp in excitement, smiling greedily as his tip catches on your clit before dipping to your entrance and back again. he played your game, so you could play his and beg like he wants you to.

“stop teasin’ me daddy.” you pout, tossing him that soft stare over your shoulder—the very same one that makes his heart stop each and every time. it will never get old, clearly. “please…been wet for you all day.” you bat your lashes.

fuck, you’re getting it. he puts his hand on the back of your neck and pushes your face to the desk, slipping his girth in your puckering hole without any ceremony. his other hand wraps under your hip to keep you from collapsing as you squeeze down and adjust to him like it’s the first time you’ve ever experienced his length splitting you open. you gasp for breath, straight hot fire melting into a tingling warmth requiring all your concentration.

“oh what’s a matter brat? goin’ quiet on me.” he grins his satisfaction, drilling into you without remorse. you feel him bumping against your womb, tearing at that entrance that he shouldn’t have access to. it hurts, he’s drilling you into jelly and you can only grab at the desk in a vain effort to ground yourself.

on command, your voice returns to you. you cry out your pained pleasure, nails scraping at the desk as every drag of his cockhead against your cervix had you tearing up. you can’t form words, and he doesn’t care. it’s too delicious—you’re too fucking tight for him to control himself, there’s just no way he could hold himself back when you’re so loud and absolutely drenched just to make all this easier on him. he angles one of your legs up on the desk, turning his curved shaft towards your spongy relief. your moans are even sweeter, heat flooding every sense in a mixture of something natural and something influenced by your lover’s quirk.

“yes! yesyesyes ohmygod yes daddy!” you scream, your throat ached from the sheer power behind it, your pretty little pussy kept fluttering around him as it stretches to fit him.

“better not cum. yer gonna hold it.” he commands, smacking some of that tender skin from earlier. you nearly fold at the impact, you whimper at the outrageous demand, shaking your head quickly to tell him you couldn’t possibly hold this back—the way he abuses your cunt was too intense to control your response. “if you cum—“

you can’t listen. it was all his fault anyway—fucking you like that and expecting you to be able to do anything but cream all over him.

“dumb brat.” he sighs, eyes fixated on your drooling hole leaving a pretty white ring of your essence along his shaft and coating his dark pubes. he shoves some of the extra shit off his desk, shoving you all the way on it once it’s barren. he puts you on your back like you’re a doll to position—holding your legs straight in his massive hands. you wince when your ass contacts the cold wood, “ya coulda got off easy—you just keep makin’ it hard on yerself.”

you mewl as he pins your hips to the surface below, his palms splayed across your abdomen—making every poke of his rod feel that much more intense. you grip his forearms; you were nearly crying already—then katsuki moves his hand to your clit, using the heel of his palm to send you into overstimulated jerks. “now you better learn to fuckin’ listen ‘r i’m cummin’ in that trashcan beside ya.” he snorts.

you cry out at the threat, nodding your understanding. what an evil thing to say—he knows you feel that much more complete after getting his load—like he’s giving you all his love and trust without him having to say a thing at all. you can’t let him take away your favorite part, so you clench your thighs and try to think about anything other than the beautiful ridges of his cock sliding in you like you’re nothing but a sleeve for him to use. you try, but his raspy grunts and groans in your ear keep you wailing and clawing at him desperately.

“can’t hold it daddy—too good! too much, pleasepleaseplease~” you cry, eyes screwed shut tight in pleasure as your body bounces around him with every devious pump of his cock. you feel so good to him, every clamp of your walls has him wondering how he hadn’t busted all up in your shit anyway.

“fine. now.” he orders, feeling the rush of your release and his control over you all in the same moment. it’s exhilarating, and you’re so picture perfect that he’s filling you up seconds later, his threat earlier as empty as they come. this was his pussy, and he would fuck it stupid and full and then send you back downstairs to your stupid fan club.

he stays hard, fucking into you relentlessly. hearing your sopping wet cunt squelch from being so full of his load combined with your elicit high pitched moans kept him thrusting like he hadn’t just reached one end.

“think you were getting off that easy, my little skank princess?” he mocks, dragging your limp body to the edge of the desk to give him full control of your hips. “i wanna hear how loud you can go. gonna fill this greedy little cunt up again.”

you nod, feeling his length shove everything deeper—cum so far down you’re sure you’re pregnant already. you wail your sensitivity, a mess of babbles and broken sobs. even as spent as you are, your gorgeous face twisted with satisfaction and your lips still called for him so perfectly. his hand finds it’s way to your throat, curses rolling past his own curved lips at the sputtering breaths you take as your moans turn to squeals. it doesn’t take much more than that, his second spurt just as heavy as his first. he uses his grip on your hips to hold you still, your legs a shaking mess as you went numb a while ago. he stills in you, chest heaving from all his hard work, but he watches you with a satisfied grin.

“gotta set a clothes you can wear. can’t clean up that pussy though—gotta show that off before we go home for round three.” he grunts, kissing your jawline roughly—saving your lips for last. he’s tender here, holding your face in his hands like he’s holding a delicate flower. “want them to see ya all fucked out. ‘s the only way they ever will. ‘m feelin’ generous.”

you struggle for your breath, rolling your eyes at him. you don’t mind the notion—you don’t care if pictures show up in the magazines the next day. all you care about is being his—and winning. though, it’s plenty safe to say you did

[blakeswritingimagines]

Dating Yandere Ken Would Include:

As a yandere, he becomes obsessed with his love target. He becomes possessive and jealous to an erratic degree. His emotions are overwhelming, and he can become prone to fits of rage and violent outbursts. Any thought of you with anyone else makes him explode.

He will use any method he can to get your attention and affection. He'll stalk, manipulate, and even harm others who get in his way. His feelings are extreme, and he can be unpredictable and unstable.

He becomes consumed by the idea of you, constantly thinking about you. He becomes overly dependent and clings to you, obsessively watching your every move. He can become manipulative and emotionally abusive. He can even reach the point of stalking and intimidation.

He may use extreme measures to keep you all to himself, whether that be blackmail, threats, or even physical harm. His emotions become so intense and out of control that he can become obsessive beyond a healthy level.

His extreme jealousy can lead him to engage in manipulative, controlling, obsessive, and even violent behavior to ensure that you stay with him and no one else. He will do anything in his power to prevent you from leaving him.

He becomes emotionally abusive and paranoid, constantly monitoring your movements and trying to control who you talk to. He becomes emotionally unstable and can lash out physically or emotionally if you disobey.

In Barbieland, or even the human world, if someone tries to stop him, He gets very angry and aggressive. He can lash out physically, and he can become even more mentally unstable and unpredictable. If the person persists, he may become hostile and violent, and even willing to harm or threaten them to protect you. It is a dangerous, toxic dynamic that can escalate quickly.

It would be a severe blow to his ego if you attempt to leave. He would be devastated and emotionally destabilized. He would attempt to manipulate you to stay and he would try to guilt you into staying with him in any way possible. He would use his emotions to try and sway you, but if that doesn’t work, he may resort to more extreme and dangerous methods to try and keep you with him.

If you were another Ken or Barbie, he would be even more aggressive and territorial over you. He would be extremely concerned about being replaced or forgotten, even going to extreme lengths to ensure that he remained as your only partner. He would become even more emotionally unstable and possessive, with a deep sense of entitlement over you. His jealousy and need to control would escalate even further.

If you were a human, he would have a sense of superiority over you. He would see you as being less important and insignificant in comparison to him and his needs. He's trying to make sure that you always choose him over anyone else. He would want you to be obsessed with him. He'll even attempt to isolate you from your family and friends, in order to make sure that you rely solely on him. He would make you feel like you can't survive without him.

He might be willing to do something extreme such as kidnapping you and hiding you in Barbieland. He would do whatever it takes to make sure that you are his, and his alone. He would go as far as to isolate and keep you from any contact with the outside world.

As a yandere, his affection is twisted by obsession and possessiveness, and it becomes dangerous and unhealthy. He would be extremely smothering and overbearing, with a sense of entitlement over your affection. He would want you to be completely dependent on him for emotional support and approval, and he would punish any behavior or behavior that is perceived as a threat to his hold on you.

Despite his yandere tendencies, he can exhibit moments of kindness and affection. He can be caring and thoughtful, but these moments are often twisted and corrupted by his possessive and controlling nature and thinking. He can be affectionate in his own way, but the toxicity outweighs any genuine form of affection.

Despite the obsessions, possessiveness, and controlling behavior, this all stems from him having an intense fear of abandonment. His desire to keep you all to himself comes from his own insecurities and fear of losing you.

“I know I'm not perfect, and I know that I can be distant and cold at times. But there's a hidden part of me that is very fragile, and I want you to know that. Please don't ever leave me, because I don't know what I would do without you. I know I can be possessive and obsessive at times, and maybe even controlling, but I'm like this because I love you so much.”

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

Let's talk about the insane idea promoted by the hero society that self-sacrificing and sadness is better than hurting others and feeling rage. Or in other words, how dying for other and repressing your feelings even if they destroy you is better than becoming violent and letting your rage affect the course of the daily basis.

For the hero society, submissive individuals were better. Depressed as in being unable to act was better. Passive behavior was better. It's easier to feel pity and hold some mourning for the victims before moving on as if nothing happened.

Take Deku. If he had died by suicide only a few would care. He was an unimportant quirkless kid with no real potential to be a hero. Or if he had died saving Bakugo he would have become a martyr, a quirkless kid who got to be a hero for a day before tragically dying. The end.

That is why Aizawa is mad with All Might when he sees Deku. He could have died in the UA entrance test, it was impressive but what about Deku's life. That's also what Recovery Girl told All Might in the UA Sport Festival. That's what Deku needed to learn when he started using kicks instead of punches. Self-sacrificing shouldn't be idolized by the hero society. Ultimately, it is murder in the hands of the authorities who enforce such idea.

Take the League of Villains.

Ugly victims don't get help.

⠀

Ask Tenko. Walking alone on a busy street, with blood on his hands and eyes totally lost. No one helped him. He was not a cute kid crying like Eri, he was monstrous like. His accident was not one caused by a victim. It was the abuse of his father and tje unfortunate awakening of his quirk that ended with him murdering his entire family.

If he had stayed sitting silently, unable to weep or talk or cry, he would have died and no one would have known. Society would be happy because there's no Shigaraki Tomura, right?

Touya died on a forest fire and life moved on. His dad became even more abusive and reached the number one spot on the hero charts. Like the past never happened.

Toga's neglected childhood pushed her to the point she exploded and drank the blood of someone, but because she was already a monster like looking child, she wad regarded as a danger and his parents erased her presence from their house. If she had died on the streets or gotten captured, people would just think "good, one less psycho, we can keep going with our days".

Visually, it's easier to sympathize with a crying victim full of sadness and wounds. Some animal instinct of who knows. I don't. BUT it's way harder to sympathize with someone who shows their hurt by being very disruptive, loud, angry, violent. Especially if they can't cry, singe people equals crying to regret or pain. If someone is unable to cry, there must be something wrong with them.

⠀

The League of Villains goal in the narrative at the beginning of bnha is less Stain-like (there are a few bad apples in the basket we need to purge and everything will be good again) and more of Shigaraki's own ideology: society is rotten to the bone, even the greatest of heroes is corrupted and the cycle of violence is being used by the hero society as an excuse to control the public.

Funny. It was not a lie. With Lady Nagant's story and even with Hawk's we were witnesses of how the hero society was indeed rotten. And we saw a few paragraphs above why All Might was part of the corruption, if with good intentions, but still an important part of it.

There are two main responses to trauma in bnha. The hero society prefers the one that doesn't make them look bad.

⠀

So, what's the kick?

What happened with the League of Villains would have happened eventually with any other group of individuals. It was a natural reaction to a failed system, one AFO took advantage of in order to further his plans.

There was the Meta Liberation Army, where many or his members were pro-heroes btw. There was the situation with Overhaul and the whole issue with the quirk repressing drug. You had Aoyama, the hospital full of kids Touya woke up to, etc.

In order for a change to happen, a reactive factor was needed. Individuals who were not afraid to threat the commodities of the population, their peace of mind, people willing to ne disturbing and people able to shake the hero society foundations. It's not coincidence that those individuals were the same victims who, after being passive for so long, decided peace was not an option.

Am I justifying the actions of the League and blaming everything on the heroes ? No, I'm not.

Killing is killing. Murder is murder. We're not going machiavelli on here and saying they had no other choice (both heroes and villains).

What I'm saying is that both sides were equally right and wrong. Many heroes and villains got used by bigger players in the game. Ultimately the fight started being between the institutions of power around the world and AFO. In Japan, it was the Hero Commission.

Like in any other war, many heroes and villains killed each other thinking it was the right thing to do in order to help society reach higher ground, get better, heal, be safe, whatever. Brainwashed for sure, loyal to a cause that's not loyal to them.

⠀

The kick is in balance.

You can't take the blame of other actions and punish yourself for it. You can't make others responsible of your own actions either. You shouldn't be putting your life above others and you shouldn't be putting their lives below you.

Learning to separate the responsibilities, to notice the shades in which anger and sadness mix, to be able to say "we all matter equally" and know it means a victim can be an abuser too and deserves help as much as they should be hold accountable for. These are the struggles of bnha.

Good communication to avoid mindless violence.

There's where Deku and Tomura meet, in the middle of those lines. There's where Shoto and Dabi meet, where Toga and Ochako meet.

The Messiahs vs The Judas, assigned a role to play by society, either die or be killed tragically. The moment they can shed of those roles and see each other as human beings, that's the moment things will start changing for good.

[lav-jjba-brainrot]

OC Intro Lore Dump thing so when people discover my characters have a starting point.

Important Note before you start reading, there are two different AUs here, the Ship AU, and the Reverse Tarot/Meme/Evil AU. These two AUs and Canon cross over in a side story.

Intense themes are marked with ‼️ both above and below the paragraph(s) so you can scroll/not read if needed

Frank Kekyoin -

Meme/Reverse Tarot/Evil AU

Parody of Dank Meme / M.I.L.F. Hunter Kakyoin. I also recently started incorporating the reverse meaning of his corresponding Tarot card, The Hierophant.

Frank at face value can be best described as a Trashy Fuckboy. He's shamelessly vulgar, in both an offensive and sexual way. This is actually a facade for his fragile masculine ego and a rebellion against his rich asshole parents.

‼️⬇️INTENSE ADULT THEMES WARNING⬇️‼️

Because of his fragile male ego, he is also homophobic. And also internally homophobic as well.

He has a very unhealthy sexual relationship with Reverse-Taro (see below). Because of Frank's indulgence in sex (stems from his ego), he can't help but indulge in Reverse-Taro and his sadistic behavior.

He is avoiding any thoughts and actual feelings about this and further indulging in sex.

He will definitely need some intensive therapy after all of this, debatable if he'll get it any time soon.

‼️⬆️INTENSE ADULT THEMES WARNING⬆️‼️

Miki/Tenmei Joestar -

Ship AU

Started out as a parody of Fanon Shipping Kakyoin, but I wanted to explore and add more depth to them.

Miki/Tenmei is a kind, sensitive, and shy person. Going by his birth name Tenmei, he experienced bullying by other kids growing up because of him having a more feminine personality (and hobbies), and it turned him growing up with crippling self-esteem issues, which only start to improve in SDC with help from the group/the Crusaders.

Tenmei decided to join the Crusaders for multiple reasons. He wants to prove to himself, his bullies, and DIO that he is not weak and cowardly. He also greatly values Shiptaro (See below) saving his life. And finally, Tenmei develops a massive crush on Shiptaro after he saved his life.

The Journey in SDC is very important to his "coming of age". It is a slow and agonizing personal journey, He learns to take pride in his femininity, and decides to come out as Bigender (late into SDC)

"Shiptaro" Jotaro Joestar -

Ship AU

Similar to Miki/Tenmei, he started out as a Parody of Shipping Fanon Jotaro, But I wanted to explore and deepen his character.

Shiptaro is similar to Canon Jotaro in his Hypermasculine appearance and facade, but taken up a notch. Shiptaro is a trans man, and by SDC, he proudly wears his top Scars literally on his chest, as well as his body hair. Of course this didn't come without sacrifices, especially during the 1980s. During SDC, it's slowly revealed what Shiptaro has gone through in order to look like, be accepted as a man, and how he became a Delinquent.

A part of this is also me wanting to explore Canon Jotaro's character and backstory, but in my own way.

Just like Tenmei, Shiptaro develops a crush on him. Shiptaro saved Tenmei because not only of both his heritage (Joestar Bloodline) and childhood morals (Holy teaching him to be a good boy and his childhood hero being Clint Eastwood) of being Just; but because he sees part of himself in him. He heavily relates to being berated and out-casted by his peers, and struggling to find his true identity because and in spite of that.

Shiptaro's crush starts developing when Tenmei shows him kindness in small moments. Shiptaro definitely likes Tenmei, but he avoids accepting it due to internalized homophobia and his need to be Hypermasculine.

Shiptaro also really struggles to express his emotions (other than rage) and open up because of his hypermasculinity and trauma.

Reverse/Evil-Taro -

Meme/Reverse Tarot/Evil AU

The Jotaro Counterpart to Frank. He also works as a foil of sorts to DIO. Also an exploration of what an Evil version Jotaro could look like.

The most recent of characters to this multi-AU. Reverse-Taro is Sadistic, and believes humanity is not worth saving and "deserves to burn in hell". As of right now, I haven't decided the catalyst for this behavior. Reverse-taro is a villain protagonist who is also going up against a villain antagonist in DIO.

‼️⬇️INTENSE ADULT THEMES WARNING⬇️‼️

Because of this, he enjoys humiliating Frank. Especially sexually.

‼️⬆️INTENSE ADULT THEMES WARNING⬆️‼️

[cosmicjoke]

Lestat, Tale of the Body Thief and THAT scene

Okay, well... now I see exactly what it is that’s got so many fans hating on “TotBT”, lol.  So... Lestat rapes a woman.  That’s hard to swallow, no doubt.  Really hard.  But also, it would be easy to get caught up in the act itself and ignore all the surrounding factors which lead up to it, and I don’t want to do that, because this is a very complex scenario which unfolded and ended in tragic circumstances, and obviously, it’s rich with psychological implications about Lestat and where he is at this point in the story, and where he’s going to end up. 

First, I just want to say, so nobody attacks me, I’m not making excuses for Lestat’s actions here.  What he did was wrong.  Even he acknowledges it was wrong, and makes no excuses for himself.  But I’ll also say that I believe there are several contributing factors to what Lestat does that are essential in understanding it, and while the act itself is vile and evil, it doesn’t make Lestat evil, and I want to explain why. 

Well, first, Lestat has been a vampire for more than 200 years at this point.  He’s killed... thousands of people.  And each time he kills a person as a vampire, that in itself is tantamount to a sexual act.  Sucking blood gives the same pleasure to a vampire as the act of intercourse does to a human, only infinitely more intense and satisfying.  There’s also the fact that Lestat has grown used to enjoying playing with his human victims.  He’s grown to enjoy the struggle of them fighting back before he eventually kills them.  It’s something he’s become accustomed to, as a vampire.  And in his encounter here with this woman, it’s in thinking about his experiences with drinking blood that actually gets him in the mood for sex.  He’s viewing the experience, whether he realizes it or not, through the lens of his experiences as a vampire.  So he’s already in a more aggressive mindset.

“This was good, even if her mouth was bad tasting.  Didn’t matter.  But then my mind raced ahead to blood.  Drink her blood.

Where was the pounding intensity of drawing near the victim, of the moment right before my teeth pierced the skin and the blood spilled all over my tongue? 

No, it’s not going to be that easy, or that consuming.  It’s going to be between the legs and more like a shiver, but this is some shiver, I’ll say that.

Merely thinking of the blood had heightened the passion, and I shoved her roughly down on the bed.  I wanted to finish, nothing else mattered but finishing.”

Lestat later says...

“I saw her again at the moment of my climax, fighting me, and I realized it was utterly inconceivable to her that I could have enjoyed the struggle, enjoyed her rage and her protests, enjoyed conquering her.  But in a paltry and common way, I think I had.”

It’s important to remember that when Lestat attacks human victims as a vampire, in the moment when he sinks his teeth into them, even if they’ve been struggling and fighting against him, they become enraptured, and feel the pleasure he feels as he sucks their blood.  He’s confused and taken aback by her reaction because he was thinking like a vampire, like he has been since switching into a mortal body.  She’s horrified, not enraptured.  He doesn’t understand why because he isn’t at all used to it.  When she tells him to stop, he says

““What the hell are you saying?”  I murmured.  I knew the meaning of these words, yet they didn’t make sense.”

She screams at him to stop again, and Lestat thinks

“But I couldn’t wait.  What the hell made her think this was the time to discuss such a thing, I wondered, in some vague crazed fashion.”

He’s used to approaching this sort of physical gratification as a vampire would, with the rules and boundaries of a vampire, not a human.  He’s been a human at this point for less than 12 hours.  Compare that with 210 years as a vampire, and it’s not so simple to break out of patterns of behavior.   He can no longer think like a human, in fact.

Further, Lestat, I would argue, has little conception of the limitations imposed on human’s by human law, at this point, since such laws haven’t applied to him in more than two centuries.  He hasn’t had sex in more than two centuries either, and the last time he did, it was 1780, at the latest.  The dynamics and expectations between a man and a woman back then were very, very different than they would be in 1990, and Lestat’s entire encounter with this woman is being informed by his boyhood experiences with the girls of his village back in France during the 18th century.  On top of that, Lestat was a Lord, and being a Lord, certain privileges were granted to him, certain things he would have been raised to expect for himself.  Almost certainly, this informed the way he was used to treating women in sexual situations.  Being rough, being dominant, were things he was likely raised to believe were acceptable and even expected when having sexual relations with women.  I know that’s hard to accept, but one of the worst trends of today, I think, is how we expect people from the past to have lived by the moral standards of today, as if any of us would have been any more enlightened or morally superior had we lived in their day and age.  And I know people will argue that Lestat SHOULD know better because he’s been alive for 200 + years and would be aware of the changing moral and social standards in that time.  But, again, remember, Lestat has been a vampire for all that time, not a human being.  The same moral and social standards which apply to all of us, wouldn’t and shouldn’t apply to him.  He would have no cause to even pay attention to shifting moral standards over the centuries.  There would be no point, as they would mean nothing to him, they wouldn’t have any impact or effect on his life, etc...  There’s also the fact the woman invited Lestat back to her apartment specifically to have sex with him.  She wanted to, and she plied him with wine beforehand, for over an hour, so that he was stinking drunk and couldn’t even walk on his own when she lead him back to her apartment.  So it isn’t the sort of case where Lestat just raped some random woman off the street.  This was a consensual sexual encounter which turned non-consensual.  As is often the case with Lestat, he got carried away in the moment and didn’t think.  There wasn’t any actual conscious malice behind it.

Secondly, the circumstances leading up to the rape were really, REALLY fucked up.  Lestat was... not in a good place.  He’s now in a human body, which, reading this chapter made clear, he was wholly, utterly, even tragically unprepared for.  He got completely and horrifically bamboozled by Reglan James, left penniless, without any means of getting anywhere, or even getting any food.  He’s basically in a total state of panic and completely terrified, as you would be suddenly being in the body of a weak, pitiful, and filthy mortal after spending the vast, VAST majority of your life as an extremely powerful, supernatural being.  Lestat figures out that Reglan has duped him, taken all his money, left him without any food or clothes or means of travel, left in a house with a giant hole in the wall which exposes Lestat to the winter elements, which, again, he’s wholly unprepared to deal with, and he has no way to really get help even.  Lestat is too terrified even to try and contact the other immortals he knows, because he knows how angry they’ll be at him for going through with this reckless insanity, that likely, they wouldn’t help him anyway, and may even try to punish him for it.  So he’s alone, stuck in a body he scarcely knows how to use, experiencing all the awful sensations and bodily functions of being mortal which, again, he hasn’t known at all since he was 20 years old back in 1780.  He’s scared shitless, and trying to rally himself to go out and do what he had hoped to do, which is experience what it’s like to once again be alive.  He keeps telling himself to stop being a coward, to be the hero he set out to be by taking life’s difficulties in stride and continuing on through it, no matter how bad it gets.

So that’s what he tries to do.  Even as the bleak and terrifying reality of the situation he’s gotten himself into starts to set in, he tries to rally through it with his usual hope and optimism, even convincing himself that Raglan WILL come back and give him back his body as promised, and he just has to make it through this one day as planned.  Lestat is falling back on his old methods of denial to get himself through the horror of his situation, and you absolutely have to feel for him.  It’s sad, it really is.  My heart was breaking for him through this whole, awful sequence.

And with that, the truly fascinating and revealing part of all this comes to the fore.  Lestat is, for the first time in more than 200 years, experiencing just how terrible it is to be a regular human being.  He goes through things he hasn’t had to even think about in two centuries, like relieving himself, having to purge his body after he eats and drinks, feeling the filth and dirt clinging to his skin, which is porous and absorbent in a way he isn’t at all used to, being physically frail and vulnerable in a way he hasn’t known since he was 20 years old, feeling the fear of that vulnerability, experiencing things through senses which are greatly, almost inconceivably diminished.  And that may be most crucial element of all in what ends up happening. 

Lestat went into this endeavor having built up in his mind some idealized fantasy of what being human was like.  He remembers it with the blinding sheen of nostalgia, (something we’re all guilty of) he associates it with a time in his life when he wasn’t as lonely, wasn’t as conflicted morally, when he felt he could still give meaning to his life through acts of good, instead of having to be faced with the crushing pointlessness of his life as a vampire.  So he remembers the struggles of his youth with a romanticized luster.  The winters in his home village in France are remembered with fondness and even longing.  Yet in the present, in this mortal form, he’s faced with the absolute misery of being exposed to the elements without proper protection.  He remembers the hunger and struggle for food as a heroic act, as a testament to his courage and strength as the person who would go hunting and provide food for his family, and protect his village, yet here he’s left without food and with no real way to get it, having no money, faced with sudden pangs of hunger he hasn’t felt in longer than can be conceived.  He remembers his time with Nicki, them getting drunk together and the joy and hope he felt, even when it was a struggle to survive, just from being with his first, true love and best friend.  But here he finds the wine has lost all taste and potency, the food tastes bland and disgusting.  Indeed, everything around him seems to have lost its luster, its beauty, its meaning.  And that’s really the crux of why what happens, happens, and why this is all so tragic.

Lestat didn’t at all account for how being in a mortal form again would rob the world of it’s beauty.  He underestimated profoundly the impact of losing his vamipiric abilities, both in terms of staving off physical suffering, and in terms of how his vampiric abilities enhance the world around him, allowing him to see beauty in it that a mortal being is incapable of seeing. 

His experience with the woman highlights this in the most awful way, really, because in his encounter with her, in this human form, he’s lost the ability to see and appreciate the beauty in another human being in the same way.  Ironically, in a truly tragic irony, Lestat’s vampirism is, in it’s way, what allowed him to appreciate life as much as he did. 

He’s been a vampire for so long, that he doesn’t at all remember what it’s like to be human, and how much suffering it actually entails.  He had the same optimism as a mortal as he does as a vampire, of course.  That was a trait Lestat was born with and carried over into his vampirism.  It’s part of his personality, not a result of his being a vampire.  And it could exist with him in his mortal body of so long ago because he was used to suffering.  He was conditioned to it, and could handle it, his natural hope able to carry on through it.  But Lestat isn’t at all used to that suffering any more.  The suffering of being in a fragile, needy, weak mortal body.  All of Lestat’s suffering as a vampire has been mental and emotional, based in concept and philosophy.  His body is basically godlike, basically invulnerable and perfect.  He’s forgotten what it is to suffer physically.  And he’s hit full in the face with that suffering here, and he isn’t in the least way prepared for it.  He wants desperately to revel in the sensations and experiences of being human again, as he remembered doing as a boy, but he finds it impossible, because he wasn’t at all prepared or ready for the actual hardship involved with being human.  He’s too busy suffering to enjoy anything.

So now we come back to what happens with the woman from the cafe, and what I can see are the tragic consequences of how this will likely play out with Lestat’s character in the future. 

Being thrust so suddenly back into the form of a mortal being, with senses incredibly dulled in comparison to what he’s grown used to, and plagued by the pathetic weakness and uselessness of the human form, being faced so suddenly with the merciless and brutal reality of what it is to be human, so totally unprepared and unsuspecting as he was, Lestat loses his appreciation for the beauty of humanity and the world, for the supposed sanctity of life and being alive, for the mystery and grandeur with which he saw the world through his vampiric eyes.  Everything is at once a horrible experience.  A sickening struggle and wretched disappointment.  Everything seems to Lestat, suddenly, worthless and ordinary.

With tragic irony, it’s being in the form of a human being which robs Lestat of his humanity.  Because being a vampire allowed Lestat to see things with so much clarity, so much focus, so much intensity and feeling, that the way things appear to him through mortal eyes is utterly devoid of any feeling, any beauty, any color or intensity.  Everything seems dead to him, where before it seemed completely alive.  Where before he saw things with the aesthetic value of his philosophy, now everything appears valueless. 

He keeps looking at this woman and he can’t understand why she seems so ugly to him.  She looks common and drab and unremarkable.  And he’s aware that, were he himself, were he the vampire Lestat, he would see in her great beauty and value.  He would find her noble and wonderful, the way he did the old woman at the beginning of the story.  But he can’t see this woman that way anymore, because he’s looking at her through mortal eyes.  The same way the entire world has lost its beauty to him.  Not just this woman.  Everything.  The taste of food is horrible, the taste of alcohol is disgusting, his body feels repulsive to him and hopelessly weak, the experience of sex is short lived and limited, the sense of vulnerability and fear is suffocating, the feel of the horrid, outside and ugly world being able to effect and touch him is a nightmare.

Lestat feels horrible for what he did to this woman, and I believe his wish to somehow make it up to her is genuine.  His apologies are genuine.  His shame is genuine.  But he’s also been so removed from humanity for so long, that he can no longer relate to her fear and horror of him, he can no longer understand why she reacted the way she did to what happened between them.  He hasn’t been human in more than 200 years, and being in the body of a mortal has done nothing but remind him of how inhuman he really is.  His feelings of remorse are real, but his ability to connect to her human suffering is gone.  It’s why he doesn’t realize that stopping to make a phone call to one of his agents, right in the middle of apologizing to her and promising to make it up to her with some impossible gift, is so insulting and outrageous.  He doesn’t relate to her as a human being any longer.  He no longer even really knows what it is to be human. 

“I tried to see her as if I were really Lestat.  But I couldn’t do it.  She appeared a common thing, utterly worthless, not even interesting.  I was vaguely horrified.  Had it been that way in my boyhood village?  I tried to remember those girls, those girls dead and gone for centuries, but I couldn’t see their faces.  What I remember was happiness, mischief, a great exuberance that had made me forget for intermittent periods the deprivation and hopelessness of my life.  

What did that mean in this moment?  How could this whole experience have been so unpleasant, so seemingly pointless?  Had I been myself I would have found her fascinating as an insect is fascinating; even her little rooms would have appeared quaint to me, in their worst, most uninspiring details!  Ah, the affection I always felt for all sad little mortal habitats.  But why was that so!

And she, the poor being, she would have been beautiful to me simply because she was alive!  I could not have been sullied by her had I fed on her for an hour.  As it was, I felt filthy for having been with her, and filthy for being cruel to her.  I understood her fear of disease!  I, too, felt contaminated!  But where lay the perspective of truth?”

He’s being forced to realize that there really is no going back to being a mortal man.  That he can never regain what he once was when he was mortal.  He forgot just how much lesser everything was for him as a human, how much less potent all his senses were, how much duller everything felt and tasted, how much of a struggle it was just to move and even think.  His experiences with being a vampire, his abilities as a vampire, have rendered it impossible for him to ever appreciate life in the same way as a mortal.  It isn’t that Lestat was like this when he was truly mortal.  He wasn’t a monster.  He just didn’t have anything else by which to measure his experiences back then.  Everything seemed great and wondrous to him because there was nothing better that he knew.  But having been a vampire for 200 years, what impressed and delighted and awed him as a mortal no longer is able to at all.  Everything seems dreary and colorless and meaningless to him now as he looks at it with mortal eyes.  Everything seems disgusting and pointless. 

To go on, he remembers his sexual experiences with the girls of his home village as moments of genuine happiness, as moments when he could escape the general suffering, deprivation and hopelessness of his life.  And Lestat, with this woman, tries with reckless desperation to recapture that feeling, that happiness.  But nothing is the same.  He’s drunk and cold and deeply uncomfortable and feeling repulsed by everything.  When he walks into the bedroom and finds her naked and waiting for him, he feels nothing for her.  He isn’t taken by her beauty, he isn’t interested in her, he feels none of the same exuberance that he remembers from his youth.  He’s desperate to experience something, anything, that will live up to his memory of being a mortal man, because everything up to this point has been, not just a disappointment, but a nightmare of suffering and despair.  And his experience with this woman starts out with the promise of maybe, finally being able to recapture the glittering memories of his mortality. 

“Now, this was a pleasant sensation.  I bent my head and kissed her throat.  Yes, this was nice also.  It was nothing as exciting as closing on a victim, but it was nice.  I tried to remember what it had been like two hundred years ago when I was the terror of the village girls.  Seems some farmer was always at the castle gates, cursing me and swinging his fist at me and telling me that if his daughter was with child by me, I’d have to do something about it!  It had all seemed such wonderful fun at the time.  And the girls, oh the lovely girls.”

“Suddenly her hand touched my organ, startling me, and then bringing about an immediate excitement.  I felt the organ lengthen and grow hard.  The sensation was entirely concentrated, and yet it galvanized me.  When I looked at her breasts now, and down at the small fur triangle between her legs, my organ grew even more hard.  Yes, I remember this all right; my eyes are connected to it, and nothing else matters now, hmmm, all right.  Just get her down on the bed.”

Lestat gets lost in wanting the experience, for just this one experience, to live up to his memories of being mortal. 

“But how far was this experience from what I had expected.  Oh, ye gods.  Here I was talking about thinking when I’d thought I would be enjoying!  Ah, I’d thought I would be immersed in sensations, immersed in memories, immersed in discoveries; and now all I could do was think how to hold back! 

The truth was, I’d envisioned pleasure, a variety of pleasures- eating, drinking, a woman in my bed, then a man.  But none of what I’d experienced was even vaguely pleasurable so far. 

Well, I was to blame for this shameful situation, and I could make it change.”

He approaches the problem with the same self-belief and optimism with which he approaches everything.  This idea that if he just tries hard enough, he can make it good.  Despite all evidence screaming in his face that this was a mistake and being mortal just sucks, he’s determined to make it work, convinced that the problem is just with him having a lack of courage.  And being with this woman is the first experience he’s had all night that seems like it might just do it, might just give him the experience of being mortal he was looking for.  But then, it’s anything but. 

“The whole thing seemed overwhelmingly dismal.  It filled me with despair.  The pleasure itself had been nothing!  I can’t bear this, I thought, not a moment longer.  If I could have reached James, I would have offered him another fortune, just to return at once.”

I think it’s important within the context of ALL of this to judge Lestat’s actions, rather than just the actions alone.  It’s easy to write Letat off as an irredeemable monster for what he does here, but that’s really too easy, I think, and fails to take into account the incredible complexity and nuance of why this happened, and why it has the effect on Lestat that it does.

Lestat says to her, after he realizes how he’s hurt her:

“Listen to me, ma chere, I’m so sorry.  Things simply went wrong.  I know.  I’m sorry.”

She replies by trying to slap him, and says “Get out... Get out or I’ll call the police.”

“I understand what you’re saying to me.  It’s been forever since I did it.  I was clumsy.  I was bad.”

“You’re worse than bad!”

This is really laying the foundation for Lestat sinking further into this self-image he has of his own monstrosity.  He thought he could find redemption by becoming a mortal again.  He thought he could recapture the innocence of his mortal life by switching into the body of a mortal man, that he could escape the monstrosity of what he had become.  But instead, all being in the body of a mortal has accomplished is making him feel and act more inhuman, more removed from his humanity.

And you can see where this might lead, to Lestat relinquishing his fond memories of his mortality, his dreadful and horrific experiences now making him believe he was never happy as a mortal, that he must have misremembered and that being mortal was never any good, never a joy for him.  Which, inevitably, will lead to a reinforcement of his belief that he’s always been a monster.  That he’s always been a  bad person who’s only happiness has ever come with him being a vampire, with him committing monstrous acts. He won’t realize that it isn’t that, but simply an inability to go back to what he once was because he’s been what he is for too long now.

You mix these awful experiences and realizations with Raglan James’ manipulations of him beforehand, and I can see how this is going to have a devastating impact on how Lestat sees himself in the future, and thus, how he acts.  It’s truly, truly tragic. 

[amicidomenicani]

Question Dear Father Angelo, I am writing to try to find a solution with my current boyfriend. We have been together for a few months, 8 to be precise but for 4 he has found Jesus and is finally happy. Beforehand I say that I am agnostic (I believe in God but not in everything related to religion because unfortunately (?) I am a very rational person and if I do not see I do not believe, even if I doubtless believe in miracles or apparitions), so I don't understand some particular behaviors of his. We haven't had sex for 4 months, no foreplay, nothing. I struggled (and still struggle) to accept this situation but even if I don't like it, I continue the relationship because I really love him. Among ups and downs (more downs than ups) we continued our story but, whenever we try to find fairness, new precepts come up: the last one, which came up just today, is that if he gets excited (which obviously he would like to, but he cannot as a Catholic and practitioner) we offend God. If I kiss him with more passion (the so-called “french kisses”), he becomes aroused and therefore we offend Our Lord. Practically he would have me as a friend rather than as his girlfriend because that way I don't risk to arouse him. Although I belong to a Christian community, despite the fact that I took the sacraments, although I attended the Church for a long time and also a school run by Salesian nuns, I have found my fairness with God; I believe in His existence but I struggle to understand many rules He dictated, such as the error in premarital relationships, cohabitation, abortion, homosexuality. I find that somewhat bigoted in an increasingly modern society where the religion and the Church's views should be a bit more open. I think my boyfriend is exaggerating. He is exaggerating because he is literally driving me to exasperation. I accepted all his needs, setting myself on the back stage for his sake, of course. I try to hold back my instincts which would lead me to "sin" (as he would say). But this new request of his about avoiding arousal even for simple kisses sent me into a rage. I love him, but this way he totally castrates me. I am a passionate person, I need physical contact, hugs, kisses (deeper), caresses (not intimate because for his sake I gave up). When I met him and I slowly became attached to him, I had thoughts that I had never had with anyone, thoughts about the future, therefore all that may mean something. But if this relationship starts to turn bad for me, but fresh air for him, I'm also ready to give up for MY sake this time. So, I ask you: 1. Is arousal a sin? In a relationship, can gestures of simple affection lead to sin if both are aware they are not going further? 2. Devoid of affection, is a relationship considered romantic? (I already have my answer and for me it is NO) I thank you infinitely. C. The answer of the priest Dear friend C., regrettably, only today I came to answer the emails of May 13th. I'm sorry and I beg your pardon. 1. I start from the most important point, which is your relationship with God. You tell me that you have finally reached fairness in the sense that you believe in His existence, but you struggle "to understand many rules dictated by him, such as the error in premarital intercourse, cohabitation, abortion, homosexuality". And you conclude: "I find that somewhat bigoted in an increasingly modern society where religion and the Church should open their views a bit more". 2. After these statements of yours, God comes out a little ... battered. Yes, He exists, and who can doubt it while everything tells us about Him! Even a drop of water talks about Him in its own way, as it is united in itself according to wonderful laws that we struggle to know. Not to mention the human body, the composition of its cells, what they contain in themselves, their formation ... And no mention about the cosmos and the universe which we rightly say about: "his name alone is exalted, majestic above earth and heaven” (Ps 148,13).

The sacred author observes: "How beautiful are all his works! even to the spark and the fleeting vision!” (Sir 42,23). 3. Well, divine wisdom is infinite and is knowable by us only in a tiny part and in moral norms (which are ordered to preserve pure our capacity to love and at the same time to tell us of another love which relates and makes sense to the love between human persons); would divine wisdom find here a brutal and inconceivable setback? 4. You tell me that you are not led to believe because you are rational. I am rational as well, but I show you how your arguments are not rational. I begin with what you call a mistake on God's part: banning abortion. So, let's try to be rational: what is to procure abortion? Because we are talking about this kind of abortion, not the natural one. Abortion is the killing of an innocent and defenseless human being. Killed because defenseless. Well, who gives us this perverse and absolute power over others and against others? If you are rational, you have to answer. There is no right to kill an innocent and defenseless human being, just as there is no right to have an abortion. There is no right to do evil. 5. As far as homosexuality is concerned, try to be rational here as well: What are the genitals made for? Which is the reason why we receive them from mother nature structured in that particular way? Evidently to join according to a plan written in the true nature of man and woman. Whatever deed outside of that plan does not follow the nature of those capacities, but it is a deformation and indeed a perversion. What is ordered to manifest the highest love, the total self-giving that includes the capability to become father and mother, is perverted by seeking unnatural, fictitious, desolating, repulsive and humiliating joining. Nor homosexual relations can be compared with the intimate and chaste donation of two spouses open to life and looking for a child. 6. About cohabitation: still using reason, is it right and rational to live one's engagement depriving oneself of the freedom to judge, to go with friends, to let oneself be courted by others, to evaluate other "parties" or solutions by living as if one were married? Is it rational to live married without being married? Isn't it a fiction, a lie that does good to nobody? 7. Are premarital relations, which are frequently not followed by marriage, a reasonable thing? Is premarital virginity really unreasonable? Any girl who has lost her virginity before marriage knows that she lost her integrity, that she is poorer, that she profaned something that instead had to be kept as a sign of the integrity and purity of the gift that was reserved for the one who would be given to her, eternally, with conjugal consent. There is nothing irrational in purity and premarital virginity. Instead, there is a lot of passion and little rationality and responsibility in a premarital relationship where one pretends to give oneself completely. 8. As you can see, till now I have not spoken of God, I have not talked about faith. If we approach the level of faith, which lets us know that "all things were created through Him and for Him" (Col 1:16) - Who is Christ -, then extraordinary horizons open up, making us to understand how all events in this world - emotional life included - were intended to build something even greater than simply the relationship between a man and a woman. That went completely unnoticed by you, and therefore you see the law of God in a completely false way, as a coercion and enemy of human love. 9. Those, who have understood this, know from their own personal experience that certain affective manifestations do not lead to God and to the union with Him. Indeed, they know that those manifestations make one lose His presence and His tenderness in one's own innermost part, in one's own heart. 10. In conclusion: the matter is not about incomprehensible

little rules to be respected, but about a journey made with God's heart and in His horizon, where even His norms reveal His extraordinary love for us: because He wants us to keep an enduring and ever-increasing pure power to love. You haven't entered the boy's "heart" yet. You are not fascinated by what is fascinating to him and that he cannot or is not able to verbally express. I wish you every good with my prayers and I bless you. Father Angelo

[kuroliondragon]

I will protect you! (Epel Felmier x Reader)

A student from heartslabyul has his eyes on you. Even through you have told him that you can’t return his feelings, he keeps on advancing on you. Epel who has watched the whole ordeal over and over again decided that enough is enough and makes up a plan to keep your annoying admirer away.

Warnings: platonic

“I will be so happy if you just went out with me!” The heartslabyul student exclaimed as he nervously shook your hands.

An awkward smile appeared on your face as he confessed his feelings for you. This was not the first time he had done some sort of declaration of his undying love for you. You had told him several times that you couldn't and you wouldn't date him and he still persisted that he wanted you. You had zero interest dealing with that guy, but it’s not like you could snap at him to leave. So, you tried to smile it off, “I’m sorry, I have plans.”

The student frowned in disappointment. He gripped your hands pulling you as close to him as possible, “It’s very important for me.”

With a small yelp, you almost crashed to his chest. There was when your still friendly smile changed into a serious expression as you tried pushing him slightly away, “I understand. But I simply cannot return your feelings. I’m sorry.” You tried your best to negotiate.

The heartslabyul student held you tighter as he clenched his teeth, “Please, pretty pretty please-“

“They said they don’t want to. Now either disappear or I will make you.” A pissed off voice sounded out from behind the student.

You tilted your head at the unexpected interference, to find Epel cross-handed while standing a breath away from the student, fuming with anger. The moment the heartslabyul student glanced behind him and found Epel's annoyed face, he immediately let go of your hands and quickly retreated to the other way of the hallway towards the Mirror Chamber.

“Thank you for that.” You sighed in relief once the student was out of sight.

Epel placed an arm behind your shoulder bringing you closer to him, giving you a thriving grin, “You know I will do anything for you.” He looked towards the direction the student had run to, “Besides…” his blue eyes narrowed, sparks of wrath forming in them, “He starts to seriously piss me off.”

“Epel…” a displeased voice sounded.

You and Epel slowly turned to face the owner of that voice praying that you would pass off his radar without hearing his strict comments. “Did I not tell you that such behavior is prohibited for a Pomefiore student? Where are your manners?!"

“Vil…” both of you mumbled while shallowing in fear.

Before Vil could say any further scolding comments, Epel immediately let go of your shoulder and faced his dorm leader. "You don't understand! Vil, that heartslabyul student was harassing (Y/n). I could not let him go unpunished!" he protested.

The pomefiore dorm leader looked at your friend rather questionably. His eyes wondered around the hallway area searching for that so called troublemaking heartslabyul student, "Epel…" he warned, "are you lying to me to excuse your unexcused behavior?!" The dorm head was not anymore disappointed he was pissed, seething with rage.

But Epel was quick to defend himself, "Wha-! No, no!" He pointed towards the end of the hallway, " He was there just a second ago!"

You instantly jumped to defend your friend, " He's right! He came to my rescue when the student was too much for me to handle!"

Vil's amethyst eyes lowered at you, inspecting your facial expression, "Sweet potato, you better not get mixed up with Epel's rebelling attitude.”

He grabbed Epel by the arm and gave you a quick glance. “You are better off him, if he makes you lie for him, to save his own skin”, he said before walking away.

"Wait! Vil! I'm not lying!" Epel whined as his dorm leader dragged him away.

You were making your way to Heartslabyul to deliver some papers to Riddle, as Crowley had instructed you. Only to find in your way the student who hasn't left you alone for a month. The moment he spotted you he skipped at your side, "(Y/n), my love!"

You let a small surprising yelp as you saw him running to your side with hearts in his eyes. "It's you…again." you sighed in exasperation.

"Our timing is amazing! I was on my way to see you, and I find you already in my dorm! It must be fate!" He enthusiastically exclaimed as he gave you an unexpected hug.

Frozen in your tracks, you look around for an excuse for you to leave. Only for you to suddenly remember the papers you carried, that needed to be delivered to Riddle. So, you attempted to push the boy off you. But he didn't move at all. "S-Sorry, I have to deliver some papers to Riddle. So if you don’t mind…" You gave him a nod towards the entrance to the heartslabuyl lounge.

He glanced at the direction you indicated him and seemed to have understood. The boy didn't seem bothered by your sign to leave but about something else entirely. "W-Wait, did you just said Riddle? You mean dorm leader Rosehearts, right?"

"Yes, do we have another Riddle in this school?" You awkwardly asked.

His grip tightened. "No, no. That's not it. It's just…" he trailed unsure.

"Hey! (Y/n)!" a voiced sounded.

You turned your head to see Epel running towards you in distress.

"Epel?!" You cried out in relief.

He sprinted where you two were standing in an awkward hug and forcefully separated the two of you. He faced the obnoxious pursuer of yours placing a finger on his chest, "Did I not tell you what happens when you mess with her?" He sweetly smiled.

The hearslabyul student was at a loss for words. He stuttered to find an answer. "I-I'm s-sorry-" he tried apologizing.

But Epel was not letting him through this one. "Sorry?" he mockingly asked. "You should have been sorry ages ago! Don't you dare get anywhere near them, or you will pay dearly!" he screamed at the student.

"I r-really didn't-" he nervously tried to defent himself.

"You really didn’t what?! You disgusting pest!" Epel yelled at the trembling student.

"Epel, really, that's enough." You tried to calm him.

"This is not anywhere near enough!" Epel advanced at the shivering student.

"What is the commotion all about?!" Riddle's raging voice sounded through the whole dorm.

Not long enough, Riddle along with his vice showed up through the lounge entrance. Riddle's face was painted an intense red color, while Trey did his best to calm his dorm leader down. "What are all of you doing?!" The dorm head screamed.

All of a sudden silence fell upon all of you. No one dared to explain. But Riddle was losing his patience, "Well?!"

You decided to come clean first, "I-I 'm here to deliver some papers from the headmaster."

"Then why aren't you delivering them?!" He demanded.

"That's because this buffoon is not leaving her alone!" Epel jumped ready to defend you, pointing at the hearslabuyl student.

"Epel." The heartslabyul dorm leader turned his attention to him, "You are a Pomefiore student, what is your business here?"

"Exacly!" The hearslabyul student suddenly exclaimed in agreement.

Epel growled at him as Riddle faced his dorm member. "I will come to you soon enough. So leave the authority to me."

The student shallowed in fear.

"I heard from someone from my dorm talking about how some kid from Heartslabyul asked him the recipe for a very strong love potion and I came running, only to find him making advances on them!" He exclaimed in distress.

Riddle turned to the student, "Is that true?" he asked.

"Yes!" The student nervously shrieked.

"Perfect" he faced you with a regal air, "was he making any unwanted advances on you?" he calmly asked you, a soft look gracing his face.

You looked the dorm leader in the eyes while giving quick nod. In that moment, you could see Riddle's face changing color. "Riddle, it will be best if you tried to approach the matter calmly." Trey advised.

"'Try' is a word I can't afford right now." Riddle said through gritted teeth. He marched towards the student's side, with each step his heels made he looked more and more furious. "Unacceptable. Not only you have broken countless of rules, but making sexual advances and attempting to make a love potion…." he hissed, "…a mere punishment won’t be enough. This calls for an expulsion!" He loudly declared.

He signaled to Trey to take the student to the headmaster's office. Despite the student's cries for forgiveness, Trey took him by the arms and dragged him towards the exit. Leaving you and Epel with the dorm head of Heartslabyul. Riddle took a few steps foward, following Trey, but before leaving he turned to face you, his silver eyes melancholically turned to you, "Next time something like that happens, come directly to me." He said, gracing you with a soft smile.

[briarsheart]

❝ Despite her reservations, after observing — and screaming in terror as the wheels of Briar’s Ford Mustang Boss left the ground at one point — from the passenger seat, Max understood why street racing was so important to her step-sister. Everything about it: from the adrenaline, to the danger, to the impulsiveness, to the speed. It all screamed Briar Hargrove. ❞ — A character study on Briar Hargrove from “Hayloft”

Briar is a lot like Billy. In the sense that they’re both very angry and guarded individuals. And they both share the same stubborn, hardheaded nature as their father.

But they differ mainly in the way they’ve each learned to cope with their home life. Briar, unlike Billy, will knowingly and purposefully antagonize their father. Going as far as to say that she butts heads with Neil “more than he and Billy ever have” (chapter one, Hayloft). Her behavior isn’t out of ignorance, in fact she’s more than aware of how her father is, it stems from a place of self destruction. Whether she realizes it or not, when she stands up to her father, a part of her wants him to hit her. It’s a self destructive behavior — you could even go as far as considering it a form of self harm.

If you look at her motive behind picking fights with Neil, it’s very reminiscent of why Alaska Young smokes cigarettes in John Greens ‘Looking For Alaska’. When Miles Halter asks Alaska why she smokes “so damn fast”, her response is “ya’ll smoke to enjoy it, I smoke to die”. Well Briars approach is much more intense, with more immediate consequences, their motives for doing these things are rooted in the same place; a place of self destruction.

To cement this idea of self destruction even further, in chapter two, when speaking to Max, Briar admits that “life’s no fun if there isn’t a little danger”. Briar knows she’s living on the edge of a proverbial cliff and she thrives on it. Even condemning those who don’t, from the very first paragraph the reader is led to believe that, to Briar, the worst thing to happen to a person isn’t dying, but becoming a “miserably resentful housewife” married to a “has-been jock”.

Another way she learns to cope with her family dynamic is through Street Racing. Can you see the theme here? Briar is very prone to taking part in risk taking behaviors. As Max explains in the exert from Chapter two of Hayloft above, “from the adrenaline, to danger, to the impulsiveness, to the speed. It all screamed Briar Hargrove”. In my opinion, this gives the reader the most insight into her as a character so far.

In fact, her interactions with Max in general, give important insight to who she is. Not just at a surface level either. Even in the first chapter, their interaction is short, but Briar stops Max before she can go into school and there’s an awkward silence. Then, when Briar finally speaks up, she doesn’t tell her step-sister to have a good day at school, she doesn’t tell her to make friends, instead she says: “make some middle schoolers cry for me, yeah?” She then goes on to threaten to make her sister skate home if she stays after school too late, but then it’s immediately followed by, “Briar would never let Max skate home”.

Through this tiny snippet of a relationship the readers able to infer a lot about Briar as a character. It’s already been shown and stated multiple times at this point that she’s mean and a “ruthless bitch”, but we see in this small interaction that everything we’ve come to know about Briar is a facade. None of it actually pertains to who she is but how her peers perceive her. From the snippet we get of “behind the curtain” we see that she’s a caring individual who just struggles with expressing her feelings towards people. We’re also able to assume that this is due to being raised by a man like Neil. A man who views his children as property and who’s only real emotion is rage. In her mother’s absence, Neil becomes her only real example, her only person to “look up to”, so to speak, in her formative years. And despite growing to hate and resent him, much of her current personality can be contributed to him and his doing.

In chapter two (when it comes out), you’ll see more of this dynamic between Max and Briar. Revealing that, even Max, believed the bitchy front that her sister put up. Only seeing it for the act that it is when Briar takes her sister Street racing, bringing out her more playful side (which is very reminiscent of Eddie Munsons playful dramatics). Max even dares to call her out on her act before they part ways, when Briar jokes about how being seen with her step-sister could “ruin” her reputation of being a “raging bitch”. And Max teases her, saying “oh yeah, can’t have them finding out you’re a total softie.” This singular line can be used to sum up Briar Hargrove as a character. She’s deeply guarded and puts up a bitchy front (one even she begins to believe) out of the fear of letting people in and having them leave (exactly like her twin brother, Billy).

Thank you so much for reading, I could talk about Briar all goddamn day, it’s actually concerning. But, if you’ve gotten this far, I definitely recommend checking out my fanfic “Hayloft” on wattpad!!! (Do not judge me for still using wattpad, I cannot figure out how to work A03 for the life of me and I like that on Wattpad you can add Gifs and mood boards) anywho, my wattpad account is linked in my bio and my username is @ briarsheart

Xoxo, MJ

MAJOR P.S. briar is not a racist or abusive piece of shit like Billy is, but they suffered similar trauma and I wanted to point that out with this character study

[nell-pointer]

DSMP CLASSPECTS CUZ  ITS 4/13 BABYYYY!!!!

I’ve seen some other people do these, and I thought I’d try my hand at it because sorting characters into things is like the most fun thing to do ever. I didn’t do all the characters, just a few of the ones I felt the most confident about (and some rapid fire ones at the end). This probably won’t make any sense if you don’t already understand classpects but I dont care so without further ado:

Dream - Knight of Heart: First off, Dream doesn’t get to have that many splinters and not have a heart aspects, secondly, I honestly feel like heart just fits him really well. Heart players are all about passion and the soul. Combine that with Knights who are notorious for hiding their true feelings behind a façade (or a mask lol) You get someone who pretends to be all logical, but is in reality ruled almost entirely by emotions.

Technoblade - Prince of Blood: There is no universe in which I don’t give Techno a blood aspect, while you could make an argument that breath would suit him much better, it just wouldn’t be right. 

So I went for a middle ground. The Prince class always mirror their opposing aspect. (that's why Dirk was logical despite being a heart player, Eridan was nihilistic despite being a hope player, and Kurloz was calm despite being a rage player) So It would make sense that Techno, as a Prince of Blood would share so many characteristics with the Breath aspect. Plus deep down its pretty obvious that Techno does long for a sense of community and friendship, even if he sometimes has a pretty bad way of going about it. 

Also, Prince of Blood literally translates to “One who destroys Unity” so.....

Tommy - Knight of Blood: Tommy may look like a Dave Strider kinnie, but hes got way more in common with Karkat. I don’t think this requires more explanation, but i’m a wordy bitch so I’m gonna keep going.

Blood has to do with bonds, attachments, unity, things like that, all of which are pretty much the core of Tommys whole character. And I’m going with knight because he puts up a front of an annoying raging child, but past the surface its clear he’s cares deeply for those around him. 

Tubbo - Rouge of Void: Tubbo is a character study in avoidance. Time and time again we see him sweep very important things under the rug, usually to make things easier or more comfortable for others. He lets things go because he wants to be the bigger person, because he wants to be a forgiving person. This is token rouge behavior, using your own aspect to help others, he will forgive pretty major things, or avoid talking about major things because he doesn’t want to cause conflict. But at the end of the day, all rouges struggle with giving too much of themselves away, and will almost always reach their breaking point. Also, major Roxy Lalonde vibes what can I say. 

Quackity - Witch of Mind: While I could go for the easy clap and say ‘oh, here's this morally ambiguous character that also happens to dabble in some occasional manipulation, lets go with thief’.... but I’m not that lazy. Plus I actually really like witch for him, witches are confident in their aspect and are always trying to test the bounds of it, and I think that works very well with Quackitys ambitious nature. He’s not evil, he’s cutthroat. 

And as for his aspect... again I could have gone the easy route and given him light because of the obvious luck motif, but in my opinion, the luck motif is really ALL he’s got in common with light. Other than that, nothing else about him stands out to me as belonging to a light player. Mind on the other hand, I think works very well. Mind players are logically driven and great critical thinkers. They are usually several steps ahead, and if that's not Quackity I don’t know what is.

Here are some rapid fire ones that I’m less sure of either because I don’t care that much or I know next to nothing about their lore I just get ‘vibes’ from them

Sapnap: Knight for sure, not totally sure of what maybe life tho

Karl: Bard of Light

Philza: Mage (or maybe sylph) of Doom (or maybe life)

Wilbur: Mage of Time

Fundy: Seer of something, not sure of what

Bad: Definite Rage player, even with my limited knowledge of the Eggpire I’m pretty confidant on this one. Class I got nothing for tho. 

Hannah: Witch of Life

Ranboo: Obvious Void player

Michael (not the pig): Seer of Doom seems a little too obvious but its all I got

George: I’m leaning towards Heir, maybe of Void

Aimsey: First clock says Sylph of Doom, could potentially change based on what he does moving forward. 

Puffy: Also probably a Sylph (damn meddlers)

Boomer: Based on the like two things I know about them, I’m thinking Rouge of Light

Slime: Heir of Heart

[riddlecrux]

What is past is present: Azriel and Elain, Helion and Lady of Autumn Court

This post is going to be a long one. I will be talking about parallels between Helion - Lady of Autumn Court - Beron and Azriel - Elain - Lucien situation. How their relationships mirror each other, how the blood duel mentioned in ACOSF and ACOWAR will come to an end, but also how the first triangle was used as a plot device in ACOWAR. I believe it is not a coincidence that SJM decided to put these scenes and histories in the same book with such a short span of time passing between things happening on the pages of their story. I would like to say that this post is a pro Elriel meta, so if they are not your cup of tea please scroll past this. Many thanks to Gardening Tools, especially @silverlinedeyes !

We are going to start with the Lady of Autumn Court and the scene at the High Lord’s council. She is there with her husband, Beron and as the conversation surrounding Hybern increases in intensity, we are presented with a bit of background information about the Lady.

Lady of the Autumn Court had 2 sisters that died during Hybern's soldiers' attack. We got to see another family of three sisters, two of them dying for their sister. What's even more important is a mention of Hybern's war camps and how it's very unlikely for anyone to survive their time there.

Here Beron taunts Kallias by telling his mate that Hybern and his people probably torture and abuse women before killing them. (Please be sure to remember that because we're going to go back to this notion later in this post.)

Another big insight about Lady's life and this particular accident comes from no one else but Helion.

Few things that are very important to mention: - she had already given birth to a few of her children - Hybern directly attacked the estate they were in - her sisters let her run away because they loved her - she tried to fight and stay with them till they convinced her to run - the beasts sent by Hybern tailed her and finally cornered her in a trap

What Feyre says in this particular scene - about Helion knowing too many details holds great importance for the further quotes. We also get to know that, in fact, it was Helion who rescued the Lady - not only saved but found her. The setup, the build-up and the fact that it wasn't her "husband" that came for her are the main things I wish to bring attention to, as we are going to analyze different scenes from the same book with this knowledge.

He could have ended it differently, yet he didn't. Why? The question seems to be imprinted in Feyre's mind as she tries to connect the dots and points she was given, just like us readers. I do believe that what we are being presented with is the notion of the mating bond. Helion's rage at Lady's attack projects typical mate behavior - such as unnecessary violence against the ones who dared to hurt their mate. It also goes with the information of him finding her - how was that possible? Her husband wasn't there, it was Helion who essentially knew that something was wrong. How? Well, by applying the mating bond in this picture we can easily deduct few things: Helion probably felt her distraught through the bond, was able to locate her and save her.

Another insight given by Helion is about Lady's relationship with Beron. Not only it gives us information about her young age (cue to Rhysand's mother and how her young age was also brought up as something very disturbing and not in favour of some mating bonds), but also we get to know that her marriage was arranged. Just like the reader, Feyre is left with these very personal insights and detailed descriptions - so she presses Helion more, to speak, to see if her suspicions are correct.

Another person jumps into the conversation and it is Mor who hands the information of a possible romance between Lady and Helion. We learn that both of them met at an equinox ball before she was proposed with an arranged marriage with Beron. Feyre's curiosity is evident in the way she perks up at Mor's words. Helion on the other hand counter-attacks and provides us with the political background of the story. The Lady was basically left without a choice when it came to her love life.

Helion saved Beron's wife during the war. And Beron didn't know and still doesn't have an idea that it was Helion who saved the Lady.

Feyre tries to fish for more information - and Helion seems to be very reluctant to answer her question about his relationship with the Lady. It makes us think that, in fact, their relationship was somehow forbidden, being kept in secret. Moreover, what's even more interesting is the fact that we suddenly have a shift of focus on another person - Azriel. We are deliberately made aware of the fact that Azriel is listening to this important conversation.

We are starting to see Helion becoming slightly less humorous - Feyre can spot the difference between his usual self and the way he delivers his question. It suggests that the relationship and potential mating bond is a very touchy subject for him.

Their forbidden relationship went on for decades. They were secret lovers till Beron found about them. We see that contrast between the Lady with Helion - all brightness and smiles, Lady with Beron - withdrawn, timid, scared.

I clenched my teeth. “If you were her lover, why didn’t you stop it?” The wrong thing to say. Utterly wrong, by the dark fury that rippled across Helion’s face. “Beron is a High Lord, and she is his wife, mother of his brood. She chose to stay. Chose. And with the protocols and rules, Lady, you will find that most situations like the one you were in do not end well for those who interfere.”

Helion reacts with anger at Feyre's inquiry about his lack of participation in the case of the Lady's wellbeing. "Dark fury rippling across Helion's face" is also an interesting word choice. Again we are reminded that their romance was meant to end that way due to the notions of choice and politics.

“Beron never called you out for it?” “To publicly do so would be to admit that his possession made a fool of him. So we continue our little dance, these centuries later.” I somehow doubted that beneath that roguish charm and irreverence, Helion felt it was a dance at all.

Helion reminds us about politics that bind different Courts - in this case, we can easily see that the matter of choice in this example ends with Lady choosing duty over love. It also supplies us with an idea that if Helion would have wanted to fight for Lady he would need to participate in a blood duel. Yet, the Lady chose Beron - we don't know why Helion probably was left alone with the same question. However, by analyzing this situation I believe that Lady knew about the possibility of a blood duel happening she didn't want her potential mate to be hurt. So, in the end, she opted for a life in a loveless marriage with Beron. Furthermore, we have Rhysand and Feyre coming to the conclusion that Lucien is Helion's son - and he is the fruit of the loving relationship between Helion and the Lady.

What does this mean, though? Nothing—ultimately nothing. Other than the fact that Lucien might be Helion’s sole heir. And that … it changed nothing in this war. Especially not with Lucien on the continent, hunting that enchanted queen. A bird of flame … and a lord of fire. I wondered if they’d found each other yet.

The usage of the word "this war" is not a coincidence, as well as Rhysand's poor prediction of the future. Because as we know, right now - it changes a lot. Elain being his mate bounds him to the Night Court, so losing that relationship puts the Court at risk. Especially now, when Lucien doesn't know that Helion is his father. Another very important addition is the part about Lucien and Vassa. Feyre has prophetic tendencies and her thoughts about both Vassa and Lucien always focus on their... relationship. Not to mention that it was brought up after that whole conversation with Helion. With all these things above, I would like to move on to Elriel parallels. Starting with the Cauldron kidnapping Elain. Please bear in mind that this scene happens after the meeting with Helion, after learning about the story of Lady's and Helion's romance.

But Azriel asked softly, “What about Elain?”

The one who noticed that Elain was absent was Azriel, we can speculate whatever it was his intuition, his shadows, or perhaps some kind of feeling that made him aware of her absence. Yet, it's not a coincidence that another male character, the one who doesn't have an official mate is the only one who either felt/realized that she was taken. That's the first parallel I would love to bring to your attention - Helion was the one who found and rescued the Lady. Now, the situation is almost identical - Hybern attacks via Cauldron takes Elain to the war camps.

And what Hybern would do to Elain, might already be doing— From the shadows near the entrance to the tent, Azriel said, as if in answer to some unspoken debate, “I’m getting her back.” Nesta slid her gaze to the shadowsinger. Azriel’s hazel eyes glowed golden in the shadows. Nesta said, “Then you will die.” Azriel only repeated, rage glazing that stare, “I’m getting her back.”

Azriel reacts with rage, a silent debate raging within him. He is battling something deep inside him, which is obstructed from the reader's point of view. I wonder why? He is the one who swears to find her and rescue her. Also, worth mentioning how Feyre seems to realize the graveness of the situation - as if she can remember the conversation she had with Helion about what happened with sisters of the Lady of Autumn Court. War camps. Nobody would walk away from them alive.

We looked to Rhys, to Cassian and Nesta, to Mor—right as she appeared, breathless, between the tent flaps. Her eyes went to me, then the shadowsinger, and flared with shock and fear—

In this scene we also have Mor. Mor was present during Helion's conversation and gave input about their love and forbidden relationship. Mor that possess the power of Truth. Is it possible that Mor knew about the mating bond between Helion and the Lady? Is it possible that Mor knows about the truth of the mating bond between Lucien and Elain? Does Mor know about the potential mating bond between Azriel and Elain? There are so many questions and we don't get an answer. Mor keeps secrets, which is understandable yet it provides a whole new aspect of Mor being the one who realizes what's happening. (Not to mention that Mor is always present when Elain is with Lucien, assessing them.)

Screaming. A shadow gripped my shoulder, reminding me not to run. Ianthe would not run—would not show alarm. My mouth went dry as that scream sounded again. I couldn’t bear it—to let it go on, to see what was being done— Azriel’s shadow-hand grasped my own, tugging me closer. His rage rippled off his invisible form.

It is Azriel who reacts once again with - rage. At the thought of Elain being tortured, abused, or being killed. Feyre can't stomach the idea of what is happening to her sister in this war camp.

I could feel Jurian’s smile against my ear. “She’s in his tent. Chained with steel and a little spell from his favorite book.” Shit. Shit. Perhaps I should have gotten Helion, who could break almost any—

The mention of Helion is such a beautiful parallel. We, as readers, are amidst a rescue mission. A situation that was very similarly described few chapters before, a situation in which it was Helion in Azriel's shoes. In the past it was - Helion and Lady, here in the "future" we have - Azriel and Elain. The same circumstances - Hybern attack/Hybern powers, three sisters, and the only one is targeted, a savior that isn't husband/mate finding and rescuing the girl.

Azriel gently removed the gag from her mouth. “Are you hurt?” She shook her head, devouring the sight of him as if not quite believing it. “You came for me.” The shadowsinger only inclined his head.

I could write a whole meta about this quote because it's ridden with such enormous parallels and foreshadowing. Let's start with the simplest one, which is the word "devour". It has very strong connections to physicality, it basically means that Elain greedily took him in, he was her focal point at that moment. Also, the following addition of her not quite believing that, in fact, it is Azriel who arrived before her - she hadn't expected him to rescue her and you may be wondering why? It all beautifully goes with the idea of two mates/true mates theories - what is making me say this with so much certainty? Well, first of all, ACOWAR is full of descriptions of how a healthy mating bond works, for example, Feysand one. It's a bridge connecting two souls through which our emotions, thoughts can be perceived for the other person.

Find me, find me, find me, I tried shouting down that bond. But my mate’s wry voice didn’t answer. There was only the roaring void.

This happens at the begging of ACOWAR when Feyre tries to communicate with Rhysand through their mating bond. I find it very interesting that throughout the whole book the trope of "finding your true love, significant other" is very persistent. This brings me back to the theory that both Azriel and Helion heard their mates' cries of help and that's how they were able to rescue them and find them. In addition to that Elain's "you came for me" is striking so many questions. What does she mean? Why is she so docile and peaceful? As if she somehow had an idea that someone will come for her - did she perhaps inwardly call through the mating bond? This, again, brings us to another parallel - Beron doesn't know that it was Helion who rescued the Lady. Lucien doesn't know that it was Azriel who saved Elain - which, we really don't know if he even felt/knew that something has happened.

The hounds closed in, two breaking away—to cut to the side. To herd us. For that was a cliff at the other edge of the camp. A cliff with a very, very long drop, and unforgiving river below.

I'm bringing this up because the setting is oddly familiar with the run of Lady of Autumn's one. The isolated place, a trap etc.

Azriel’s roar echoed off the rocks as the hound slammed into him, dragging those shredding talons down his spine, his wings— The girl screamed, but Elain moved. As Azriel battled to keep them airborne, keep his grip on them, my sister sent a fierce kick into the beast’s face. Its eye. Another. Another. It bellowed, and Elain slammed her bare, muddy foot into its face again. The blow struck home. With a yelp of pain, it released its claws—and plunged into the ravine.

Parallel on parallel. We have Hybern's beasts, we have a similar setting again and fight. What is different, however, is that in Helion's case it was solely him that destroyed beasts while rescuing the Lady. Here, however, it is Elain that fights against beasts - she who had never trained, she who is a gardener is fighting against evil. She is kicking as the beasts hurt Azriel. She took the initiative and killed the beast at that moment when they previously hurt Azriel. Also, the most beautiful comparison in my opinion is the fact that after Elain knocks the beast it falls down the ravine, dying. It is somehow very symbolic that Elain kills the beast that falls into the ravine, whereas Lady of Autumn is stuck in the ravine as beasts approach her and it is the moment when Helion saves her.

The gray light of morning had broken over the world, mist clinging to our ankles as we headed into that camp, Azriel still cradling Elain to his chest. He dripped blood behind him the entire time—a trickle compared to the torrent that should be leaking out.

After that intense battle, they arrive in the safety, but Azriel still holds on Elain even if he himself is bleeding all over the place.

Rhys lunged for Azriel, taking Elain from him and gently setting my sister down. Azriel rasped, swaying on his feet, “We need Helion to get these chains off her.” Yet Elain didn’t seem to notice them as she rose up on her toes and kissed the shadowsinger’s cheek.

Another mention of Helion in that very parallel setting. He was very present during the rescue mission, which is a neat way of showering the audience with foreshadowing. If I wanted to indulge even more in the symbolism of this scene, I would point out that the chains on Elain are very symbolic as well. They could either mean the restrain of her powers, but also the chains of the "lack of freedom", "lack of choice". Being freed by both Azriel and Helion is something that I believe is very important to remember while waiting for the next book. Because even if Elain is a mirror to Lady - Elain will change the course of her story. Elain is going to choose love over duty, she will choose Azriel - which ends with them discovering that, in fact, the bond was there from the beginning. Helion getting rid of those chains is also a metaphor for what is to come. He will break Lady's chains by fighting with Beron during the blood duel. In this timeline, Azriel and Elain are symbolism of healthy love, mating bond, freedom of choice. Lucien doesn't mirror Beron, because he himself doesn't want to be with Elain since both of them don't feel comfortable with each other, they are making each other miserable. Not to mention the fact that their mating bond is... very weak and through the ACOWAR and ACOSF we see that it is different from the true mating bonds that are present in the universe. Azriel-Elain-Lucien triangle will break the past wheel of unhappiness and forced love, changing it by their own rules of free choice. As for Helion-Lady-Beron love story, if I may be so bold, the blood duel is going to happen and Beron will die - freeing Lady and Helion from him and politics that kept them away. If you are still not sure if these two situations are foreshadowing I would love to put this quote as the ending of this very long meta.

Azriel shrugged. “We—Rhys, Cass, and I—will occasionally remind each other that what we think to be our greatest weakness can sometimes be our biggest strength. And that the most unlikely person can alter the course of history.”

And as you can guess, that very unlikely person who altered the course of history in ACOWAR was Elain when she killed King of Hybern.

[merakiui]

Do you think yandere xiao would have a...bad reaction to his darling escaping?

(cw: yandere, unhealthy relationship/behaviors, attempted escape, implied captivity)

His reaction is to be expected when he realizes you're not where you should be. It's annoying at first and then upsetting because it means he now has to retrieve you, which won't end well for you if you're so insistent on escaping. Xiao knows it can be hard to be cooped up in one place for an extended period of time, but he’s under the impression that you might understand his actions. After all, you were always so kind and sympathetic whenever you interacted with him. Now that Xiao's thinking about it, you were awfully delicate with him. You chose your words with care, kept your conversation topics light and fluffy, and never once showed any sort of negativity.

He's certain you didn't want to risk bringing up his past or doing anything that might remind him of it, but he’s told you time and time again that pity will get you nowhere. It’s useless to feel sorry for him when everything has already happened and it’s futile to act like he’s a glass sculpture always on the verge of shattering. Nevertheless, as troublesome as you can be at times, he’ll chase after you because he’s become very dependent on you ever since he met you. It’s unhealthy and he knows he should be ashamed of his obsessive codependency, but he can’t help it. 

So the first thing he sees when he returns to Wangshu Inn and finds that you’re gone is red. The purest form of red bathes his vision like a dye and there’s an intense frustration that bubbles within him. The idea that a mortal could so easily slip through his fingers is laughable. You’ll probably make it a few meters away at best and if you’re lucky you might even find refuge in the next village. However that doesn’t mean he can’t track you down.

He could spend his time raging and slaughtering enemies to cope, but he chooses to be responsible. If he were to lose himself to his own unbalanced emotions, he might just give you extra time to further your escape. And so even though Xiao feels like breaking something—feels like he’s lost an important piece of himself after your sudden disappearance—he remains objective in his hunt.

If he finds his darling, he’ll drag you back to Wangshu Inn at once. Xiao won’t listen to your cries or screams if you struggle. But he’s more inclined to treat you nicely if you comply. If not, he’ll have to get rough as he subdues you before you can run off again. You’re like a slippery fish when you squirm in his arms. Sometimes he doesn’t take your mortality into account or the fact that he’s a strong Adeptus who’s lived for so long, so his grip can get crushing at times. He’ll only lessen it when he’s certain that you’re safe and won’t get the chance to sneak off again. From then on, your privacy is gone. He’s going to watch you as much as he can to ensure that something like this doesn’t happen again. If he has to tie you down so you’ll stay, he’ll do it because those are the unfortunate lengths he must go to.

But if he can’t find his darling and you actually managed to get away without leaving any traces, he’ll be a wreck of emotions. It’s not often that he succumbs to such trivial things, but the fact that you escaped is far from a simple matter. You’re gone. He might never see you again and you’ll probably live your life without uttering his name once. If you were to find yourself in trouble, who would you call for? Certainly not him, unless you want to be found. Xiao spends almost all of his time searching for you. Every day that passes is another day without you and he’s slowly losing his mind as he struggles to come to terms with his reality. At this point, you’d better hope he doesn’t find you.

Although things will be much different if his darling is immortal like him!

[harostar]

Copy and pasted from elsewhere. My attempt to summarize Roman Holiday!

Roman's story follows him as a young man in Mistral, getting into trouble with a pair of Spider goons (Brick and Mortar). They attack him for mugging someone on their turf, so he beats them up and steals the protection money they were carrying. A week later, the Spiders pick him up and bring him to meet Lil' Miss herself. (Roman likes milfs.) He convinces her that he can do better than her current people, and eventually rises to become her right-hand man over the years.

But he's overly-ambitious, taking the Twins on a raid of a gang's base of operations. Paul Parrot has a "treasure" in the basement, which turns out to be a Rat Grimm he imported from Menagerie that he feeds people to. Roman manages to outwit him by injuring the Grimm with the twins' help, then provokes Paul until he flips out and his rage makes him the more desirable target for the Grimm. They escape, but Lil' Miss is pissed about him moving on his own AND putting her daughters' at risk. This was all according to his plan, as he wanted to get out of having to play bodyguard to the twins.

Eventually, he's caught taking an extra protection payment for himself. His old partner, Cammie (very similar to Ilia) warns him and lets him escape after a fight. He flees Mistral, going over his options — Vacuo has a strong criminal element, but it's hard to break into. Atlas is...well...Mantle has nothing worthwhile and trying in Atlas itself is too risky. So he heads for Vale.

Roman's first criminal act is holding up a bank, which goes comically. Literally no one believes its happening, because Vale doesn't HAVE major criminal stuff happening. A pair of incompetent Huntsmen (Roch and Kandi) try to stop him, but end up beaten while Roman escapes. They end up in hot water of their behavior, with Ozpin being interviewed about it briefly. Roman begins building a name for himself, coming to the attention of Hei Xiong. He's threatened, but walks away alive and decides to further reinvent himself by having his Spiders tattoo covered.

Meanwhile, young Trivia begins to rebel against her parents. They keep her in isolation, forcing her to wear a brown contact to hide her mismatched eyes in photos and whenever guests come over. Her father is a prominent City Manager working for the Vale council, and they make a big fuss over her "overactive imagination" and "refusal" to speak. She has a private tutor, a former Huntress that was fired from Signal Combat School after getting a student killed. I THOUGHT it might be Gretchen, but it doesn't match what we know — it was Signal, not Beacon, so Ozpin wasn't involved. Trivia drugs her teacher and sneaks out using her Semblance. She goes into the city and gets bullied by a gang of girls, ending with the police picking her up. One of the officers suspects abuse, but their hands are tied. There's a party going on, and Trivia rampages through it using her Semblance to cause trouble.

As the years go on, Trivia keeps sneaking out and rebelling. She goes on a stealing spree in town, coming home with a ton of new stuff. Her father catches her and notes that he paid everyone off to cover up her antics. In a rage, she throws her new parasol at him. This leads to her parents locking her in her room, using increasingly complex locks. She studies tutorials and manuals to learn to pick locks, but eventually has one too complex. With "Neo"'s encouragement, she tries to damage the lock with hairspray and a candle. Instead, she starts a fire and is forced to leap from her window to escape. In doing so, she discovers she can make her illusions more solid temporarily — reinforcing her parasol to break her fall, and being caught by "Neo". Her parents are furious, and her mother smashes "Neo" in front of her. Trivia finds she can no longer make "Neo", but realizes it was simply her own wishes being expressed by her Semblance.

Trivia is sent to Lady Browning's private finishing school, a school her mother graduated from. It has incredibly strict rules, uniforms, and a bunch of mean girls led by the Malachite Twins. Trivia is relentlessly bullied, until one night she sneaks out to follow the twins. She witnesses them attack Roman, and helps him escape. Afterwards, Lady Browning offers her a spot in her "advanced" program and asks her to help capture Roman. This advanced program trains...well....basically Black Widows, for lack of a better way to describe it. Advanced combat lessons, espionage training, lessons in deception and reading other people, ect. Trivia excels, but also makes contact with Roman. She introduces herself as Neo, because she doesn't want to be connected to her father. She also begins dying her hair and altering her uniform, beginning to create the persona we all know.

They immediately form a strong partnership, with Roman training her further in combat and criminal stuff. He has the Schemes Board from Chibi, and they plot together before pulling off their first big heist. They hit up the warehouse supplying most of the city's coffee, and steal what they can. Roch shows up, having lost his license and out for revenge. Neo hits him with a truck to save Roman, and they end up destroying the warehouse leaving them with the only supply of coffee to fence. Roman gifts Neo with Hush, while she gives him his signature hat and makes matching outfits for them.

They carry out various wacky crimes, making a profit while putting Xiong in an awkward position. He controls crime in Vale, and has the police under his thumb. But he doesn't want to claim he's involved with these wacky crimes, nor does he want to admit he's got competition. His conflict with Lil' Miss starts heating up, with both parties starting to gun for Roman.

Neo discovers Lady Beat's server room, and realizes the school is a way not only to train agents but to basically have hidden cameras on all the prominent families/businesses in Vale. She steals the hard drive, fights off the Twins when they come for her, and realizes Lil' Miss and Lady Beat are working together. Honey Wine, Roman's old friend from Mistral, helps the Spiders capture him to pay off her loan to Lil' Miss for her Vale nightclub. In desperation, Neo approaches a pair of cops parked outside Roman's apartment — they take her to Xiong, who calls himself her "uncle". He explains that her father owes him a lot of money, and he intends to use her as a hostage to get his money. Even so, he wishes he had a smart kid like her instead of his idiot son Junior. Neo knocks him out and assumes his appearance, joining his forces as they go after Lil' Miss and her gang.

Neo hijacks the Bullhead, rescues Roman, and then they decide to lie low at her parents' for lack of anywhere else to go. Cue a nod to Blake and Sun visiting Menagerie, with Roman shocked when she points out that the big mansion is her house. Her parents are furious, but let them in. Her parents drug them with tea, intending to trade Roman and the hard drive to Lil' Miss to get out from under Xiong. They've both been hoping to take over Xiong's empire, but Roman faked being drugged and takes them both out. He finds Neo, and they devise a plan to get everyone off their backs and get rid of the hard drive. Roman sends the data to Lisa Lavender, while Neo plays decoy and discovers her father in her old room. She realizes he was stealing Dust from Xiong, and hiding the cache UNDER her room. This was the reason he was so angry about the fire. She's furious to realize he basically had her locked in a prison over a bomb, and locks him in her old room.

She disguises herself and Roman as her parents, then tricks Lil' Miss into firing on her old room. The Dust explodes, killing everyone still inside the mansion — her father, and likely her mother, Lady Beat, and Hei Xiong. Roman asks if she's okay, but Neo is kind of...shrugs and not sure how she feels. They ride off into the sunset together.

So basically, Roman and Neo are best buddies. Roman was QUITE LITERALLY Neo’s first and only friend, after a lifetime of isolation and bullying. Also the first person to not give a shit about her being mute, or about her “weird eyes”. He just accepted her without question, and encouraged her to never settle for less than  she could take. 

Junior is a pathetic crime boss because he’s the idiot son of the ACTUAL crime boss, who Neo ended up killing. He seems to have submitted to Lil’ Miss Malachite after his father died.

Neo is a Black Widow highly-trained spy and assassin, as well as a Savant that learns rapidly through observation and a shit-ton of tutorial videos. She loved Fairy Tales growing up, with her favorite being “The Girl in the Tower”. (lol)

[hacawijo]

Alright, If We’re Gonna Play with Az’s Bonus Chapter, Let’s PLAY with Az’s Bonus Chapter (Pt. 2)

Yeah baby, part 2 of a PAINSTAKING close read lol.

Azriel winnowed into shadows before she could say anything he uses the shadows to ESCAPE, they are a coping mechanism, appearing at the door to Rhys’s study a heartbeat later. His shadows whispered in his ear that Elain had gone upstairs. It’s interesting that the shadows specifically report on Elain’s whereabouts here and not earlier, as well as later not reporting on Gwyn.

Rhys sat at his desk, fury a moonless night across his face. He asked softly, “Are you out of your mind?”

Azriel donned the frozen mask he’d perfected while in his father’s dungeon. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Rhys’s power rippled through the room like a dark cloud. “I’m talking about you, about to kiss Elain, in the middle of a hall where anyone could see you,” he snarled. “Including her mate.” It is not out of line for Rhys to acknowledge that this was stupid. If for no other reason than that it would hurt Lucien if he saw/felt them.

Azriel stiffened. Let his cold rage rise to the surface, the rage he only ever let Rhysand see, because he knew his brother could match it. Which is the mirror to something that Rhys notes in ACOFAS, that they are similar in their darkness. Because Rhys is really the only person Azriel can be himself with, completely, I think it’s important to acknowledge that this is unprecedented ground for them and specifically for Azriel. This is the first time Azriel can actually voice ANY of these thoughts out loud, and only because Rhys saw them, he did not bring this concern to Rhys himself. “What if the Cauldron was wrong?”

Rhysand blinked. “What of Mor, Az?” Also very not out of line thing to ask. Feyre is the only person Mor has really told about her sexuality, and so to Rhys and co. AND Azriel, nothing about this situation has changed in the past 500 years. The fact that Azriel is able to get over Mor, without that confirmation of her sexuality, because of Elain, is significant I think.

Azriel ignored the question. Hmm yeah, but he can’t keep ignoring this question forever, and that’s another reason he and Elain did NOT kiss in this chapter. He and his family and Mor all need closure regarding their relationship. “The Cauldron chose three sisters. Oh boy, I have a lot to say about the number three later on! Tell me how it’s possible that my two brothers are with two of those sisters, yet the third was given to another.” He had never before dared speak the words out loud. NEVER BEFORE DARED TO SPEAK THE WORDS OUT LOUD. This is the first time he’s even verbalizing these thoughts - of COURSE he doesn’t know how to navigate this conversation. This is raw emotion being spewed out right now, enhanced by the unresolved tension from his interaction with Elain.

Rhys’s face drained of color. “You believe you deserve to be her mate?” So, he says that his two brothers ARE WITH two of those sisters, which is a way to acknowledge the fact that both people in each pair accepted the bond and that it was a mutually built connection. Then he says “the third was given to another” which is actually really different. He’s saying that Elain was given to Lucien by the Cauldron, suddenly one member of that bond is not an active participant - and this is mostly true! Elain has ignored Lucien diligently, and she hinted about her lack of feelings for him when she asked Feyre why he should be entitled to her affections just because of the cauldron and whatever amends he has made. I don’t like Azriel saying that Elain is something to be given as opposed to a person to be connected to, but I’m not sure exactly what it means that he did that. ANYWAY, Rhys really does supply the word deserve, and we have evidence from earlier in this chapter that essentially proves that Azriel does not believe he deserves Elain, anyway. He is having an argument with Rhys, yes, but it almost feels like he’s arguing with himself.

Azriel scowled. “I think Lucien will never be good enough for her, and she has no interest in him anyway.” (THE ONLY TIME ELAIN’S ACTUAL FEELINGS, ACTIONS ARE CONSIDERED IN THIS DISCUSSION BTW) Also, not that he doesn’t answer Rhys’s question. For Azriel, this isn’t necessarily about what HE deserves in this moment, it’s about what Elain wants. Almost certainly, Azriel DOESN’T believe that he deserves Elain, but he sees the injustice of her being forced to accept a bond with someone for political or spiritual/societal reasons. So while to Rhys it may seem like Azriel is is putting Lucien’s claim down in order to boost his own, I actually think Azriel is trying to distinguish a different issue - Elain’s agency. This same thing happened with Mor and Eris. ABSOLUTELY THIS IS NOT ALL LIKE THAT SITUATION BECAUSE LUCIEN IS NOT ERIS!!! I am not trying to compare their behavior. BUT, Azriel would have dueled Eris for Mor’s agency regardless of whether or not she chose to be with him.

“So you’ll what?” Rhys’s voice was pure ice. “Seduce her away from him?” Rhys, I think, misinterpreting Azriel and it’s mostly not Rhys’s fault. Azriel doesn’t communicate well and is not currently communicating well. That being said, I wish he would give Azriel more benefit of the doubt.

Azriel said nothing. He hadn’t got that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to. HE HADN’T PLANNED ANYTHING, this whole conversation is just like a raw nerve.

Rhys growled, “Allow me to make one thing very clear. You are to stay away from her.” Well come on, now, Rhys, what if she doesn’t want to stay away from him? BE A FEMINIST RHYS, just add, “unless she wants to see you”!

ALSO, DID RHYS TELL FEYRE ABOUT THIS? MY MONEY IS ON NO, AND IF RHYS DIDN’T TELL HER ITS BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE’S NOT WHOLLY DOING THE RIGHT THING BY ELAIN.

“You can’t order me to do that.”

“Oh, I can, and I will. If Lucien finds out you’re pursuing her, he has every right to defend their bond as he sees fit. Including invoking the Blood Duel.” Another really big sign that this is going to play out Elriel style is the mentioning of the Blood Duel. Chekhov’s gun eh?

“That’s an Autumn Court tradition.” The battle to the death was so brutal that it was only enacted in rare cases. Despite being an outsider, Azriel had wanted to to invoke it when he’d found Mor all those years ago. Had been ready to challenge both Beron and Eris to Blood Duels and kill them both. Yes see? He would have done this regardless of Mor’s feelings toward him. Only Mor’s right to claim their heads in vengeance had kept him from doing so.

“Lucien, as Beron’s son, has the right to demand it of you.” But hey fun fact Rhys knows that Lucien is almost CERTAINLY not Beron’s son. Interesting to consider in context.

“I’ll defeat him with little effort.” Pure arrogance laced every word, but it was true. Again, Azriel is dodging Rhys’s points and is honestly being pretty immature right now, but he hasn’t actually said ANYTHING about an intention to pursue Elain with any of this. Rhys has filled in the blanks, and Azriel has responded to smaller aspects of Rhys’s macro-points with which he finds fault. I think this is also because he knows Rhys is right about a lot of the realities of the situation, but he is in the mood to be contrary right now, so he’s fighting back where he can stomach it.

“I know.” Rhys’s eyes flickered. “And your doing so will rip apart any fragile peace and alliances we have, not only with the Autumn Court, but Also with the Spring Court and Jurian and Vassa.” Rhys bared his teeth. Rhys’s motivations are based entirely on things that have nothing to do with Elain’s feelings, which is sad. But, they’re not insignificant considerations. Though come on dude you did pretty much enable Hybern’s arrival to Prythian by alienating The Spring Court with Feyre’s escape.“So you will leave Elain alone. YES, ALONE, because Elain probably is PRETTY FREAKIN LONELY If you need to fuck someone, go to a pleasure hall and pay for it, but stay away from her.” Low. Blow.

Azriel snarled softly.

“Snarl all you want.” Rhys leaned back in his chair. “But if I see you panting after her again, I’ll make you regret it.” I do think this is a really ungenerous description of what was happening downstairs with Elain. Their interaction was careful and consensual, we have painstaking detail to prove that, and it was far from panting/animalistic in action.

Rhys had rarely threatened punishment or pulled rank. It stunned Azriel enough that it knocked him from his rage. This is another person taking ANOTHER choice away from Elain. I think she may find out about Rhys doing this and I personally think she’s gonna be rightfully pissed.

Rhys jerked his chin toward the door. “Get out.”

Azriel tucked in his wings and left without another word, stalking through the house and onto the front lawn to sit in the frigid starlight. To let the frost in his veins match the air around him.

Until he felt nothing. Was again nothing at all. With Elain, he is SOMETHING. Because he feels things.

Then he flew to the House of Wind, knowing that if he slept in the riverside manor, he’d do something he regretted. He’d been so vigilant about keeping away from Elain as much as possible, Further evidence that Azriel never intended to fight Lucien or make a stink over Elain and had stayed up here to avoid her, and tonight... tonight had proved he’d been right to do so.

He aimed for the training pit, giving in to the need to work off the temptation, the rage and frustration and writhing need.

He found it occupied. His shadows had not warned him. I am not sure what it means that his shadows didn’t warn him. It could mean that Gwyn is protected from his shadows/immune to them. It could mean that his shadows wanted him to go see Gwyn - either out of a desire for Azriel to find some peace with her or out of curiosity as to who/what she is?

It was too late to bank without appearing like he was running. Azriel landed in the ring a few feet from where Gwyn practiced in the chill night, her sword glimmering like ice in the moonlight.

She stopped mid-slice, whirling to face him. “I’m sorry. I knew you all were going to the river house, so I didn’t think anyone would mind if I came up here and—“

“It’s fine. I came here to retrieve something I forgot.” The lie was smooth and cool, as he knew his face was. His shadows peered over his wings at her. They are… wary of her? They’re shy around her?

The young priestess smiled — and Azriel thought it might have been directed at his curious shadows. But she just hooked her coppery-brown hair behind an arched ear. “I was trying to cut the ribbon.” She pointed with her sword at the white ribbon, which seemed to glow silver. Some interesting language here and above (glimmering, glow etc.) to do with light, and again a juxtaposition between light and dark. But not a golden light, a colder/silver light.

“Aren’t you cold?” His breath clouded in front of him.

Gwyn shrugged. “Once you get moving, you stop noticing it.”

He nodded, silence falling. For a heartbeat, their gazes met. Gaze is definitely a romantically charged word, this is one of the tiny details that makes me unsure about the future nature of their relationship. He blocked out the bloody memory that flashed, so at odds with the Gwyn he saw before him now. I definitely do not think they are mates. I’m not closing the door on them being romantically involved, I don’t have enough evidence to do that, but I really think that if they were mates, Azriel would have known when he saw her at Sangravah.

Her head ducked, as if remembering it too. That he’d been the one who’d found her that day at Sangravah. Shades of Cassian’s reactions to Emerie’s wings having been clipped, in ACOFAS. “Happy Solstice,” she said, as much a dismissal as it was a holiday blessing.

He snorted. “Are you kicking me out?”

Gwyn’s teal eyes I have a lot to say about these teal eyes :) flashed with alarm. “No! I mean, I don’t mind sharing the ring. I just... I know you like to be alone.” Her mouth quirked to the side, crinkling the freckles on her nose. “Is that why you came up here?” I’ll talk more about this later, but there are a few small moments in the book where it seems like Gwyn might have a crush on Azriel, or some kind of special awareness/interest where he is concerned. I have seen almost no evidence that Az returns those potential feelings, except PERHAPS for the moment where he hears her screech and pays attention. But I think anyone would pay attention if someone screeched? Also he watches reverently as she cuts the ribbon, but that also feels like it would happen regardless of any romantic feelings he might have. But I don’t know for sure!

Sort of. “I forgot something.”

“At two in the morning?”

Pure amusement glittered in her stare. Better than the pain and grief he’d spied a moment before. So he offered her a crooked smile. He cares that she not be feeling pain and grief, as he does with anyone he deems good, and that is part of why he offers her the smile, as he clearly says right here. “I can’t sleep without my favorite dagger.”

“A comfort to every growing child.”

Azriel’s lips twitched. I think her irreverence matches his sense of humor quite well. He refrained from mentioning that he did indeed sleep with a dagger. Many daggers. Including one under his pillow.

“How was the party?” Her breath curled in front of her mouth, and one of his shadows darted out to dance with it before twirling back to him. Like it heard some silent music. This shadow is acting totally independent of him. She’s asking a simple question of Azriel at the moment, and he CAN’T hear the music he believes that shadow might be dancing to. Lightsinger evidence, I’d say.

“Fine,” he said, and realized a heartbeat later that it wasn’t a socially acceptable answer. “It was nice.” LOL I will say here that Azriel has to make a lot of conscious effort in this interaction. He makes himself respond in a specific way, which is not language that was used to describe his interactions with Elain earlier in the chapter. This could totally just be because he doesn’t know Gwyn that well, and certainly that’s a big part of it, but I think there’s something to be said for the fact that he is still filtering himself here with Gwyn in the quiet.

Not much better. So he asked, “Did you can the priestesses have a celebration?”

“Yes, though the service was the main highlight.”

“I see.” LOL

She angled her head, hair shining like molten metal. More glowing-type stuff “Do you sing?” I love Gwyn.

He blinked. It wasn’t everyday that people took him by surprise, but... which is great! Elain surprises him with the headache medicine in ACOFAS, Feyre surprises him with her intuition and tenderness throughout. I think this indicates that they will have a significant relationship regardless of its exact nature. “Why do you ask?”

“They call you shadowsinger. Is it because you sing?”

“I am a shadowsinger— it’s not a title that someone just made up.” It’s super-duper interesting that they actually discuss the fact that he’s a shadowsinger. When Feyre meets Azriel, she is curious, but specifically doesn’t ask follow-up questions or for expansion on the ability. Why specifically remind us here that Azriel is a shadowsinger and that Gwyn sings? If not to foreshadow something related to the ability and Gwyn?

She shrugged again, irreverently. Az narrowed his eyes, studying her. “Do you though?” She pressed. “Sing?”

Azriel couldn’t help his soft chuckle. “Yes.” I love Gwyn. She is the reason I now realize a lot of what I’ve been doing in my life is irreverence :P

She opened her mouth to ask more, but he didn’t feel like explaining. Or demonstrating, since that was surely what she’d ask next. So Az jerked his chin to the sword dangling from her hand. “Try cutting the ribbon again.” I love this so much. Maybe it is romantic, but I think that’s debatable. What’s not debatable is that it’s completely charming.

“What— with you watching?” It’s actually pretty funny that in order to avoid giving a demonstration of something that makes him vulnerable and puts Gwyn in the role of expert he flips it and makes her demonstrate vulnerability while he is the expert. Gwyn might be quite a bit braver than Azriel in some ways.

He nodded.

She considered, and he wondered if she’d say no, but Gwyn blew out a breath, steadied her feet and balance, and sliced. A beautiful, precise blow, but it didn’t sever the ribbon. SEE? Brave. I love Gwyn.

“Again,” he ordered, rubbing his hands against the cold, grateful for its bracing bite and the distraction of this impromptu lesson. Distraction is a notable word here. Azriel’s thoughts don’t really ever stray from Elain and his turmoil throughout this interaction, that’s what the word distraction tells us.

Gwyn sliced again, but the ribbon remained unyielding.

“You’re turning the blade a fraction as it comes parallel to the ground,” Azriel explained, drawing his Illyrian blade from down his back. “Watch.” He slowly demonstrated, rotating his wrist where she did. “You see how you open up right here?” He corrected his position. “Keep your wrist like that. The blade is an extension of your arm.”

Gwyn tried the movement as slowly as he had, and he watched her self-correct, fighting against the urge to open up her wrist and rotate the blade. She did it three times before she stopped falling into the bad habit. “I blame Cassian for this. He’s too busy making eyes at Nesta to notice such mistakes these days.”

Azriel laughed. “I’ll give you that.” I sense a lot of compatibility, just, again, not sure it’s romantic.

Gwyn smiled broadly. “Thank you.”

Azriel dipped his head in a sketch of a bow, something restless settling in him. Even his shadows had calmed. As if content to lounge on his shoulders and watch. This is another line that I think offers the most evidence for something significant between Gwyn and Azriel. It’s lovely that she has helped to settle something restless in him with the distraction - and I think it’s important to note that it might not have done the same thing had he encountered Emerie or another trainee on the roof. At the same time, maybe it would have. Also love that his shadows like to watch Gwyn. Lightsinger/Shadowsinger evidence! This all being said, I can’t really think of an SJM romance that is built around a comfort zone. I can think of many friendships that operate that way, but not so much with the romances. There’s usually nervousness and flutters and passion and… restlessness, somewhere in there.

But— sleep. He needed to at least attempt to get some.

“Happy Solstice,” Azriel said before aiming for the archway into the House. “Don’t stay out too much longer. You’ll freeze.”

Gwyn nodded her farewell, again facing the ribbon. A warrior sizing up an opponent, all traces of that charming irreverence gone. I love Gwyn.

Azriel entered the warmth of the stairwell, and as he descended, he could have sworn a faint, beautiful singing followed him. Could have sworn his shadows sang in answer. This feels VERY much like Lightsinger/Shadowsinger evidence. His shadows, as this chapter has demonstrated time and again, operate independently of him, and they react to Gwyn’s song. I also think it’s possible that Gwyn is sort of always singing, even when she’s not. Like she glows with song on some level, and that’s what his shadows are reacting to - because I don’t think she’d necessarily actually sing while attempting to cut the ribbon.

He slept as well as could be expected which means pretty much not at all y’all — he makes it clear he never expects to sleep well, but when Azriel returned to the River House to gather his presents before dawn, he found Elain’s necklace amid the pile. He pocketed it. Spent the rest of his day, even the blasted snowball fight, with every intention of returning it to the shop in the Palace of Thread and Jewels. How did the necklace get there??? Did Elain really put it there??? Seems like even more evidence that he assumes too much about her understanding of his feelings. Also, though, it seems really rude/OOC for Elain to do that. She gave up very quickly after he gave her a really thoughtful gift. SOMETHING’S FISHY.

But when he returned from the cabin in the mountains, he didn’t go to the market square.

Instead, he found himself at the library beneath the House of Wind, standing before Clotho as the clock chimed seven in the evening. Important to remember that this is one of the longest nights of the year, which means dusk is coming on later than it was when Nesta attended the evening service weeks/months prior- a service that started almost exactly when seven bells rang the time. It is very well possible that Azriel finds himself at the library as the evening service is happening. The one in which Gwyn sings. If she does have some kind of Lightsinger power in her, it may be that he was lured by that power instead of returning the necklace. Even if they always start at 7, he still arrives exactly at 7. The only point against this surmising that I’ve done is that Clotho led the service which Nesta attended, and yet she is here to greet Azriel. Either I’m wrong and the service is not happening at or around this time, OR the service can take place without Clotho occasionally, and this served the interest of the plot so that Az could speak with someone.

He slid the small box across her desk. “If you see Gwyn, would you give this to her?”

Clotho angled her hooded head, and her enchanted pen wrote on a piece of paper. A Solstice gift from you?

Azriel shrugged. “Don’t tell her it came from me.” Yes, it really doesn’t seem super romantic to re-gift a necklace to Gwyn. It just feels sour, if this is the start of a romance between them.

Why?

“Does she need to know? Just tell her it was a gift from Rhys.”

That would be a lie.

He avoided the urge to cross his arms, not wanting to look intimidating. He blocked out the memory that flashed— of his mother cringing before his father, the male standing with crossed arms in such a way that made his displeasure known before he opened his hateful mouth. This feels very important. We know VERY LITTLE about Azriel’s story, his past, and his family, and so I want to point out ANY and EVERY nugget we get!

“Look I...” Az searched for the words, his voice becoming quiet. “If there’s another priestess here who might appreciate it, give it to them. But I’m not taking that necklace with me when I leave.” I’m not exactly sure what it means that Azriel says this. It could be that he doesn’t want to make a thing of his potential feelings for Gwyn and so tries to deflect with this statement, both to convince Clotho and himself that it’s not about Gwyn. It could also mean that Azriel needed to be rid of the necklace, and wasn’t in the mood to fight with Clotho over an ultimately secondary (to getting rid of the necklace) impulse to give it to someone who provided him comfort and companionship at a time when he needed it.

He waited for Clotho’s pen to finish writing. Your eyes are sad, Shadowsinger.

He offered her a grim smile. “I lost the snowball fight today.” HE LOST THE FIRST SNOWBALL FIGHT IN 200 YEARS! And I’m pretty sure it wasn’t because Gwyn made him feel better the previous night. I think he lost because he is in anguish over the situation with Elain. Again, I understand that anguish shouldn’t necessarily be a romantic thing, but in SJM’s writing it often is. This is a romance series, angst is a thing, stakes are a thing. It’s not necessarily the most healthy, but it’s also not all-the-way unhealthy. He just feels strongly about Elain and there are a lot of obstacles between him and finding a way to resolve those feelings for good or bad.

I am a counselor for folks who have and are dealt/dealing with sexual, gender-based, and interpersonal violence, and if you want me to do an analysis of all of the relationships in SJM’s writing that aren’t wholly healthy, there won’t be any left over. Except for maybe Sartaq and Nesryn. they really do have their shit together. I suspend a fair amount of my disbelief and professional knowledge in reading these books because I love them and they are fictional :) Also, relationships are complicated. It’s pretty rare for me to work with a client that has a cut-and-dry, black-and-white story.

Now, in my PERSONAL NOT PROFESSIONAL experience, shit is messy, and messiness, even in real life, doesn’t always mean something isn’t worth the strife. Though absolutely abuse and assault are a whole other thing. I think it’s really good to think critically about relationship dynamics in fiction, because it’s a safe place to do great learning and reflection. I also think it’s important to consider that the rules of our reality are not necessarily the rules of the reality being written by an author. Maybe you personally find Azriel’s feelings toward Elain (as they have been expressed so far) are beyond redemption, and are unhealthy to a point where the relationship cannot be salvaged. But that is not realistically a reason that the relationship in question won’t happen. Pretty much any negative/toxic assertions that can be leveled against Elriel based on the VERY SMALL amount of first-person perspective we have in the relationship could be leveled against at least a few of SJM’s other endgame couples. Totally happy to get into this more and provide those examples :)

Clotho was smart enough to see through his deflection. She wrote, I’ll give it to Gwyneth. Tell her a friend left it for her.

He wouldn’t go so far as to call Gwyn a friend, but... “Fine. Thank you.” Not sure what this means. Maybe just that it takes Az a while to open up to people and call them friends.

Clotho’s pen moved once more. She deserves something as beautiful as this. I thank you for the joy it shall bring her.

Something sparked in Azriel’s chest, but he only nodded his thanks and left. He could picture it, though, as he ascended the stairs back to the House proper. How Gwyn’s teal eyes might light upon seeing the necklace. For whatever reason... he could see it. And here we have the most romantic evidence for Az and Gwyn as a couple. Maybe he is falling for her and that’s why he can picture her smile. I really don’t know. I think it could also be that he is happy to be able to make her happy, in recognition of the comfort she gave him the previous evening. Maybe he can picture her because of her potential lightsinger status. Thoughts?

But Azriel tucked away the thought, consciously erasing the slight smile it brought to his face. Buried the image down deep, where it glowed quietly. The image glowing, again, lightsinger-supporting language.

A thing of secret, lovely beauty. So now he is referring to Gwyn’s smile here. This is interesting, because Gwyn’s smile wouldn’t necessarily be a secret, but perhaps it is if you think of her as being hidden in the library, or that he’ll know about her smile and her receiving the necklace even though she won’t know that he’s the one who gave it to her. Or maybe he’s drop dead in love with her! Another thing that I don’t think is true given his stony attitude post-Solstice (when Gwyn is very much around) and the fact that he doesn’t seem to react viscerally to Gwyn’s kidnapping until Cassian points out that bad things could be happening to both her AND Emerie, as well as Nesta. He knows Gwyn just as well, if not better at this point, as he knew Elain when he reacted to HER kidnapping in ACOWAR. He was very riled, he was the one who noticed she was gone, he vowed almost immediately to go get her, knowing it might mean certain death (to be fair, he seems to have a bit of a death wish, BUT he’s still a pragmatist and doesn’t try to WASTE his life on things - either they’re essential to the court and/or Prythian’s wellbeing or essential to someone for whom he cares deeply.)