#that is NOT the same person DONT LIE TO ME
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We always talk about how David Tennant manages to pull off the duality of Crowley's look (the switch from angel to demon) and generally change his entire appearance for the different roles he plays but me personally, I am just SO baffled at how they manage to turn Michael Sheen into Aziraphale
#good omens#aziraphale#crowley#michael sheen#david tennant#that is NOT the same person DONT LIE TO ME
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these days, the summer fan is on, and there is a little cricket in you. your mother would say you don't have ambition, but that's not quite true. you just had different priorities: for most of your life, the pain swallowed so much of your energy that picturing a future was almost impossible. it took so much just to render yourself here without evaporating - making goals always felt shallow, far-off.
at 17, maybe you would have wanted to be famous. maybe you would have wanted to kiss every woman and come home late at night and call the dawn to heel like a dog. to meet taylor swift and ask her to collaborate on poems and french-kiss in the rain. to wiggle your fingers at jealous ex-lovers while you lifted the hem of your ballgown and got out of limousines. a life of rooftops, spinning and glittering.
these days, it isn't that you're tired, but that you have learned the weight of carrying things. you have had the good times. you have laughed at the bottom of a pool. you have had your hands on the paring knife. you know the cost of it, like a carcinogen. these days, you want a life like a stone fruit. these days, you want a life that lays gently on your skin, rather than piercing through.
you are going to get a little condo with your friend. the two of you fantasize about basic things: how it will feel to cook in a friendly kitchen. the serenity of picking out wall paint colors. putting plants in the sunlit corner. you want a place that never rings in anger. where the only echo is jazz music. you want a peace like holding your head under the water.
ah. maybe your younger self would be devastated - you got boring?
she doesn't know yet. she has lived her entire life terrified, running. she has grown so accustomed to the threat that she has fallen in love with the scythe. she thinks passionate and violent are synonyms, that anything lovely has to come with a bad side. she thinks life has to break like a wave - that you need to swallow the ocean in order to stay above the foam. she doesn't know about the boat yet. she doesn't know about spending hours at home, quiet, your hands folded, finding peace. she doesn't know about weightlessness. she thinks everything good is everything sharp. that the pain is what makes something satisfying.
one day she will make cookies from scratch. one day when she breaks a plate, she will be the only one around, and nobody will start shouting. one day she will slip her fingers under the sand, and it will make sense to her. the life assembling in little shards: oh. i've been afraid of a quiet life at home because i've never had a quiet home to come to before.
the gentle world inside her, singing behind a door.
#literally spending the last 3 days salivating over apartments#alex: wanna get a house together but be normal about it?#me: IF I DONT FIND A HOUSE IMMEDIATELY ALEX I AM A THREAT#writeblr#im simply not approaching this like a normal person. but like to be fair. my office my kitchen and my livingroom are all the same fucking#10 feet#if i lie down a certain way i am in all 3 spaces. and i am only 5 fucking feet tall
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maybe its just me but i cant stand when people are like "it just doesn't sit right with me how teruhashi thought about aiura 🥺" like yes... its not supposed to ??? because her thinking badly of other girls and prioritizing male validation over everything is one of her main flaws ??? can we talk about that WITHOUT making it seem like shes not allowed to have a single actual flaw without suddenly becoming an awful person? nobody can handle complex female characters at all and its so fucking annoying
#you guys all missed the point of her development AND her and saiki's relationship development#like did you miss the parts where the only times he genuinely seems to not like something she does is when shes mean to other girls#and he still understands that she isnt a bad person for having bad thoughts in the private comfort of her mind#and besides... in this case she was literally just being a dramatic and insecure teenage girl LMAO#like dont fucking lie to me and tell me when you were her age you didnt have similar thoughts#youre worse than her if you lie about it while judging her for it#sorryyyy#she shouldve been MORE unhinged youre all just cowards#AND ALSO ? how can something even be 'mean' if its just a thought#thats like if u opened ur friends private diary without permission and then unfriended them over something they said in a random upset vent#and in this specific situation if u found out ur friend called someone a bitch because they liked the same person as her ??#LIKE THATS ?? its bad but its not as crazy as you guys make it out to be#shes allowed to be angry and insecure in the privacy of HER OWN MIND#idk if this makes sense but i just feel that her thoughts are more of a concern about her wellbeing than anything else#like she canonically is extremely kind to others even when she doesnt want to be so why are we worried about how she treats others.#theyre fine. im worried about HER.#and WHY her mindset is so negative... but u guys dont give a shit because u cant handle even a spec of complexity#sorry ive said all this before i just like to rant#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#teruhashi kokomi#meows post
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i may be stupid
#(but im not sure)#a doodley#i am not going to lie to you guys i am insanely scared of anti depressants. and adjacent medication.#first of all like ive said i dont think i need them#im doing way better than last yr(s) despite being in the same circumstances. i did in fact will my brain to get it together.#i told my doctor i think my issues are a result of my environment and that is what i think it is.#i dont think meds cld help change my innate personality flaws#second of all sorry but my ****** is all i have i cant risk losing it to the side effects#idk! like. idk. you guys really dont get it it really is just laziness for me#since i was a kid i just didnt have Goals and its continued to my detriment#i was also raised to doubt all my decisions so here we are#im sure my friends think im lazy bc what ive described to them IS laziness#im like the only person i know without hashtag goals and life motivation...and all my friends have mental health stuff too#so its not that...! its personality. its laziness#its literally like the ''my son is 35 and refuses to get a job and does nothing all day'' reddit posts#with ''he's not depressed he's lazy you should just kick him out and refuse to keep providing for him'' comments and all
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i know ive said this exact same thing ten thousand times before but it actually boggles my mind that we have just sort of accepted "generational divides" and the resulting discourse. generations are not real on the population scale. there is no dividing year where one generation starts and the next begins. the closest you can get to this is specifically BABY BOOMERS. who were born during the BABY BOOM. because a huge large amount of people had children immediately following the second world war. thats it. since then there has not been another clear generational divide and the things you think are clear divides are probably divides between specifically your age demographic and specifically your parents age demographic. because that's what a generation actually is when we stop trying to form stupid little clubs. im no longer participating in the legitimization of these terms & if i see the word zoomer one more time i'll detonate the explosives
#good idea generator#esp bc the most common way ppl try to draw distinctions other than arguing abt year cutoffs#is things like 'what technology you had as a kid' 'what tv shows did you watch'#like. can you at LEAST talk about REAL WORLD EVENTS??? MAYBE?? AND NOT SOMETHING THAT WILL CHANGE#BASED ON PERSONAL TASTE AND/OR AVAILABLE FUNDS TO BUY NEW SHIT ALL THE TIME??#also cant lie to you i just personally resent the cutoff for millennial being before the millennium. why are we trying to pick a random yr#in the 90s. when the word specifically references the millennium. obviously the cutoff should be 2000#'oh its bc they were children in the 90s' no actually i dont think 96 babies are 90s kids#96 in terms of 'experiencing the 90s' is exactly the same as 97-99. you were baby. you experienced baby#i think for you to be a [decade] kid. you need to be born before that decade starts. if you're not at least 10 by the end of that decade#u cant claim it. sorry. you were not a kid then you were baby#if you disagree with this explain to me exactly in what way this arbitrary distinction is different#from the arbitrary distinction of year cutoffs for generational divides. ill wait
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me: im a bi lesbian :3
exclusionists & radfems exploding into my space out of nowhere: "just call yourself sapphic oh my god" "kill yourself tra" "thats not a thing youre just bi with a preference" "get raped terf" "ew fucking bihet" "oh you poor lesbian with comphet </3" "cock sucker" "look at this fucking hetero bitch" "youre a lesbophobe, biphobe, and transphobe" "youre just a contributor to lesbians being raped"
me:
#just some of the insane shit ive for real been sent by these people#rape tw#suicide bait tw#suicide tw#bi lesbian#still insane to me exclusionists will yell horrible shit at me while calling me a terf#when terfs are also yelling the same horrible shit at me. like yeah i dont think yall know what a terf is#a terf is not ''person with a weird label i dont like that i heard an unsourced rumor (aka lie) about being made by a terf“#terfs hate me for being a nonbinary genderfluid lesboy bi lesbian asexual bitch with a multitude of other labels/genders/pronouns#and i actively denounce everything they stand for because i actually pay attention to their ideologies to know what im even arguing against#like lesbian separatism. theyre huuuuuge on that. exclusionists also love it though and pretend that theyre not siding with terfs on it#bilesbophobia#queerphobia
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sorry im just thinking about bcs but like. why not add a few smaller scenes of gus interacting with his own men? why does it seem like, in comparison, mike is almost immediately elevated to a higher status than those two in bcs purely because we actually get to see him having normal conversations with gus? like i understand they might not keep the plot moving as well because of the fact obviously if victor is currently doing something it’s because gus told him to etc. but for the most part all of the smaller interactions gus does have with those two ends up being in a somewhat high stress situation where it feels very tense between everyone. and it’s just like damn! is it always like that?? why do those two even care that much about their jobs if their boss is a bit of a dick? etc. i think even an additional scene or two with those guys (either alone or the both of them) talking with gus in a more normal situation could’ve both added a bit more depth into how gus treats his employees (we got a lot with how he treats lyle and co., but not a whole lot with the illegal side of things), how comfortable vic and tyrus feel around him in a calmer setting, and exactly why they both feel the need to be as loyal as they are to the guy.
and also on the other side of this i don't think it'd hurt to maybe elaborate on their pay just a bit..? i'm not saying to randomly put a number out into the atmosphere but i just mean some smaller things like. do they buy nicer things for themselves? what's their housing situation? what's their car situation? are the escalade / yukon their own vehicles or does gus just use those two for business situations? do they use them when they're doing their own stuff off the clock or do they have their own cars? etc. that can also help with understanding their motivations a bit. don't get me wrong i don't think they should be visibly rich or something because that's not what gus would want but just smaller things! cause it's easy to write their loyalty off as Well they probably get paid super well, which i'm sure is true, but if they don't show a single hint of that then what's the point. even something as simple as giving tyrus a nice watch, or maybe victor having a nicer looking gun, etc. something small like that. because as it stands right now the average 41 year old viewer who watched the show once only knows and will only ever know victor and tyrus as those two guys in the background who do random stuff for gus with no clear motivation. just the personification of "On it boss (salute emoji)". and to be honest this is true for a whole lot of fans who do watch the show multiple times and enjoy thinking about it more in depth, because on screen we barely have anything about the two.
and to be clear i'm not trying to say we should have an episode just for them or something like no i understand they're side characters. i understand we don't need all that. and i understand this is also primarily Jimmy's show. but it's not like these two are on the same level as like, arlo or paige and kevin etc. these guys have been around since brba. victor was literally introduced in the same episode gus was. and they are a huge part of gus's story, especially in brba. s4 wouldn't have been what it was without victor and tyrus. and in bcs, ignacio's situation wouldn't have been the same if it weren't for victor and tyrus as well. and i just personally believe that if their goal with gus in bcs was to go back and elaborate on how everything came to be and show what he was like a few years younger, they could've dragged victor and tyrus into that. and i think his character would've benefited from taking that extra step with those two.
#gray.txt#and you know. obviously i personally have my own clear ideas of everything. and i'm content with what i got. this isn't coming from a place#of Well victor is my favorite guy so everything should be about him LOL. i know what he is.#but thats only because i spent like what? 2 years now watching random interviews and analyzing the smallest details within the show that#genuinely meant nothing while they were writing the scripts. and then throwing some random ideas at the wall to see if they stick.#and i just dont think everybody should have to do that LOL. and i think gus's character gets a lot more interesting#when do you do have this clear idea of victor and tyrus in your head and how he interacts with them. but 99% of people dont have that!#nobody fucking knows everything giancarlo and vince ever said about box cutter. nobody knows about the interview where giancarlo referred t#his entire business (meth and restaurant) as his 'family'. and they'd never think of that in those terms#because with the exception of his restaurant workers and mike#it feels like he HATES them LMAO.#tldr all i'm saying is i think we could've benefited from at least one 1 minute long scene of victor and gus exchanging words#where it doesn't end in gus snapping the phone in half out of anger. and also let tyrus speak his mind and have gus agree with him once#also yeah sorry this is all over the place but it is somehow the most coherent i have felt in months so this is as good as its getting sorr#sorry .#also to be clear about my earlier statement that’s a lie my idea of those two is not clear in my head whatsoever i just meant in comparison#to literally the average viewer. and my own personal thoughts about them aren’t even true it’s just opinions and guesses.#and i love a character that i can just say shit about but at the same time i think it’s fun to have idk something in the source material#that you can actually use while thinking and not have to dig around 11 year old reddit AMAs#and that money paragraph sort of came out of order what i meant by saying all that is like#i feel those two could benefit from a clear motivation for why they do all the things they do#and if we have neither personal reasons nor monetary reasons then it just makes them feel like one dimensional henchmen or something#came out of no where* not order you dumb fuck (< me)#also it doesn’t have to be clear in our faces or anything whatever you know what i’m saying . this is too long i can’t keep elaborating
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Romarriche - “Your company is one of a kind… I would never lie to you. I would never say a half-truth or be quiet.” “What is it in your mind, Merold?” “Hearing your voice, complaint or not—it is music to me either way.” Merold - “If there is one constant in this world… Let it be you.” “You’re the cruelest and the kindest thing that happened to me.” “…If only you continued to look at me like that.” Romarriche - “…Merold?” Merold - “But~ It’s only a minor case of bad-mood-itis.” “So Romarriche, spoil me with a spar, will you?” Romarriche - “Merold.” Romarriche - “Look at me.” Merold - “…” Romarriche - “Is something… Wrong?” Merold - “Instead of a spar…” “I might want to lie down on your lap after all.”
#fragaria memories#merold#romarriche#i wont lie i only had the first line and wanted to write something with it#i was reading this novel and i wanted to write something romantic </3#im gonna babble here on my own so you're always free to skip the tags...#if i remember correctly romarriche and merold were made knights around the same time and I work on that context#i like to think their relationship was rocky at first at romarriche's side who didn't want to befriend merold#compared to merold who thought he finally had a friend his age that was also a knight of fragaria#it was romarriche who looked at merold with a perceived perfection and was compared to him#“...I'll get better and strong. I'll impress everyone so I don't have to hear it--his name repeating over and over again.”#merold who says “if only you continued to look at me like that...” refers back to the past when romarriche didn't think of him favorably#but i like the double meaning to it “please look me as you did before and look at me as you do now”#“cruelest” and “kindest” i was a reading a novel that also used those words so I kinda grabbed from that </3#its really a cute novel though#me reading fragaria memories theories to see if it can at least make sense#i like this but i dont like this at the same time wwww#what does it say about its characters? as a writer i want to care about that because no dialogue should be said without reason#i think this dialogue is perfection but what am i writing this for? who does it refer it? what does it refer to?#but at the end of the day i simply want to indulge myself#something that could sound good and personal and something that could make people who read this smile and myself smile#Merold - “Will you make the promise to never change?”#Romarriche - “Change... But change in what way?”#Merold - “...”#Merold - “Because I'm a knight who fears a lot of things...”#Merold - “And I care about the Romarriche I have now.”#it was never supposed to be detailed but look at me now... </3
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Happy one year anniversary to my ex-best friend who got married 5 minutes away from my home and didn't invite me. I thought we were still chill and good enough for wedding invites but, I guess not. Still hurts, hope y'all are happy tho.
#ohp its me again#gender#anyway#still love her dearly. still wish her the best.#but um. turns out she Was lying when she answered my question 5 years ago.#turns out guys: if you ask your friends (that are deep in snotty christian circles) how you can be a better friend to them- they just lie#they just lie and then back off. and you will be left with the hope you'd grown for them. and you will forever almost wish they could takeit#shoutout to best friends who like. will discuss issues and hard things. shoutout to friends who give truthfully the criticism you ask for#shoutout to caiah too honestly. i thought we were kindred souls with the same neurological differences. turns out you didnt want that#sorry ig#anyway. rant over i miss my friend but i dont miss the person she has chosen to be. and i hope she takes care of herself.
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i'll be enjoying steve normally until his fans start saying people "overstate how bad he was in s1" just to then overstate how bad jonathan was to make steve look better and justify his behaviour.
#u know sometimes characters will do something bad and you literally dont have to defend them.#sometimes you can *undersand* why a character does something without defending what they did#have ur opinions on the writing thats great but to get mad about people defending jonathan just to then do the same thing in earnest while#defending steve. incredible.#all the st0nathan fighting i see reminds me of rinkomania discourse the way people will just lie and make things up and ignore canon#to make the person who is literally being The Asshole look better- what who said that#also why are people acting confused that he was looking for will near the harringtons. REWATCH the show please god 🙏#mine
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unsure how to word this but there is something about having ocs with unsavory events happening in their past where it's like. talking about it, even when asked, seems almost gratuitous and inappropriate. and i'd much rather describe it through the oc themself and/or draw Them saying it. which is like. fitting for the subject matter? like of course its weird to talk about somebody else's business...!
and falls back into humanizing em/exploratory writing and development where u consider the impact of words said/words unsaid/HOW those words are said etc etc
#because not all real persons would give u every detail of their trauma obviously#which makes sense but im an overexplainer but also it feels inappropriate to overexplain when it comes to dis#i hope that makes sense#talkys#i once described what went down with al as just directly as possible and it still felt weird. ykwim?? idk why.#well i do know why! i dont want it to seem gratuitous or like That Cheap Writing Element. fine line#same with talon so he'll just keep implying it thru text + dialogue which is how it should be !#the only difference is i think with al i wrote it like he would've said it bc he has more access to that side of himself#and is aware of how it affected him#whereas characterwise talon absolutely would just speak in riddles about and around it#i don't even think he's conscious about the direct effects of it#(but i wouldnt know bc he hasn't made that known to me in my brain)#people respond differently to different things and all that#also im so sorry if half the shit ive said recently is so like. Well Duh. i havent made a new oc in a decade gimme a break LOL#also i realize the. irony? of me even vaguely talking about it in the way i did but 1. i think that's also realistic when you#dont want to do a whole deep dive on someone else's business and 2. people are becoming#curious about my oc(s) and im just thinking about well; significant events and how to handle not speaking about em#FOR them. <- weirdly#idk. they're real to me.#its just so much more interesting to leave it up to them! people can lie people can downplay
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All these new fic for the reverse bangs and im sitting here like Man I'd love to read these. I got naruto, though. 🫡 I'll get to them eventually
#speculation nation#and what time im.not spending on naruto im spending writing#or uh. getting my blood drawn. 10 of them. 10 whole blood.#real talk that fucked me up actually. like i talked big to the nurse like 'oh ive donated blood before i'll be fine'#but what i failed to think about was the fact that donating blood also fucked me up#im a small person with a sensitive constitution. my body dont like it.#so i was out of commission for a day and well now im uh. i dont even know. ive been crocheting today.#trying to write bc im on a strict deadline 💀💀💀💀 i will make it. i will. im determined to.#school starts in a week tho Augh and i have psychological testing (4 HOURS) AND my dentist appointment on the SAME. DAY.#tuesday babeyyy whatup. it's gonna suck.#tomorrow i have to shower and do laundry. at the minimum. bcus then theres tuesday and THEN i have a haircut on wednesday#getting my side shave yessssir. going to an actual place rather than just greatclips again . lol.#ummmmm all that considered i might request to not have a driving thing this week. too much shit to do.#wahh wahhh so many appointments. and i am NOT going to get a good grade in flossing.#why didnt i start flossing sooner than this. at least it doesnt hurt as much as it did yesterday. i still wont be ready in time tho.#oh well tomorrow i have to be productive. i need to watch less naruto. no not even with itachi and sasuke fight. not even then.#im just gonna lie down in. the dirt now.
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🧸🎀
#what is it in the brain that just...#makes u feel a certain way for one person??#like i can ache and long for lying in this specific person's arms#and i imagine it to be the safest most comforting space. and i can see myself lie there#and feel protective arms around me. and take a deep breath in surrounded by their scent and just feel completely at ease#like a peaceful haven. everything else falling away#but it only is that way bc it is /that/ person#lying in someone else's arms i imagine is awkward and stilted and i wouldnt be able to relax#what is it with the brains and heart and feeling that just decides that one person#feels great. while others dont. i dont understand why the brain does this#why is it so tied to everything abt the person? all of the components makes me want to lie in their arms#i cant even imagine relaxing and feeling completely safe in someone else's arms#i dont understand the brain or heart or why it is this way#so if it isnt possible to lie in that persons arms why cant the brain just allow for another person to take that space#and make u feel the same way?#why is it so tied to everything i dont get it
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god this fucking sucks.
#thinking that things were ok and safe COVID wise and then having the rug pulled out from under me I mean.#when I say I wish I never stopped masking I mean it for practical reasons too but a huge factor for me has also just been the psychological#distress of thinking things were safe and having that freedom followed by the gut punch of how abysmal the reality of COVID is!!!#we were never safe the freedom was false and now I'm trying to protect myself and others and nobody in my life will do the same for me#and I know I've had 1-2 infections and the compounding damage is high risk for me and the brain damage makes me so upset#bc my brain is already really bad and terrible and frustrating to live with and I cant handle it getting worse I cant#I just want to live and be a person and not have to worry about this and compromise my bodily safety bc I dont have anywhere to go where#the ppl I would cohabitate with would even CONSIDER being covid conscious and masking up like even a little bit#and I cant get too upset bc weve been lied to and traumatized and its really really hard to counteract that. bc im doing it rn and it#fucking SUCKS and i want to feel safe again so bad but I know that would be a lie#the absolute kindest and most understanding ppl around me are still treating this like its my personal problem. like ok when YOU feel safe#this is not a live and let live situation fuck!!! fuck you!!!!!#ok. gonna cry and try to sleep#it speaks
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steven spielberg is the funniest guy alive for adding that weird tension between his fictional self and the popular kid in the final act of the fabelmans
#it was kinda flirty dont lie#only people who were bullied by a person of the same gender in that weird sort of flirty way will understand me
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last post ended up deleting my tags so im continuing them here
#but.#even after all the time i had aparti still went back at 16#i traveled across the country just to see her again#and it fucking sucked#she ripped that wound right back open#which . felt so weird because she WANTED me to come#she made all the plans#honestly the train trip there was nice#i got to experience a lot of cool things#but the second i got there. it was . one of the worst times of my life#just nonstop#and now ive finally been away for awhile again#but i still miss her#& i dont know why#but it also doesnt help the only gf i have ever had did the same type of thing LMAO//.... i .. i just cannot win#maybe it's just my roll#say all these nice things n then immediately flip#she would make me hang out w her friends n talk me up n then. cheat on me with them with me there#& then get upset when i cried or tried to break up w her LMAO...#like. she wasnt poly or anything she was actually against it#but the worst part is how openly & loudly she'd love me right before it. so now i never know who is telling the truth. i never feel safe#but anyway. again. i stayed#over n over again id try to break up w her but then i loved her & so when she got upset n threaten to kms id flip n stay#n she'd do it again#until eventually she broke up w me n left me so fuckd up im not gonna lie JHVAJH#she still tried to stay friends after that n i tried#but then i started sobbing mid card game & it was very embarrassing top 10 worst things i have done#but i just. all i want is to be a good person. i want to be someone good & loving but i feel like im such a jealous monster#even if i dont let myself show it n try to ignore it bc i dont want to hurt anyone or be this awful it;s still here. just. permeating.#what if i feel too much what if ill never know when someone is genuine what if im just an evil obsessive freak n everyone i love hates me
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