#that i put the engagement ring from schlatt

[finalherrschers]

they are flirting. cquack is so into it dont let him fool you.

[schlattsdoll]

ok hear me out i just went down the rabbit hood of couples photo shoots turing to a proposal and that would be such a schlatt thing like 😭😭

like the photographer poses you both away from the camera so jay can get on one knee and propose AAAAAAAAAAA- sorry i can’t contain myself

could you maybe write a fic or blurb about that basically 😭😭

him wanting you to help model some stuff for schlatt & co, and that was his in. he made sure you had a cute little outfit too just for some “cute pictures afterwards.” as he put it.

schlatt had a velvet box in his pocket the whole time, waiting for the perfect moment to pop the question. he’d been so nervous about it, he couldn’t wait to get it out and off his chest.

the merch shoot went well, and then it was time for your little cute shoot. you fixed your hair and makeup before walking back to the set. you two took some pictures together, one silly faced one that had ultimate lockscreen potential, and one of you on his back kissing his cheek. the photographer asked you to stand facing one way and schlatt standing the other. as soon as you turned around, jay got down on one knee. “actually, y/n can you face jay?”

you spun to face your boyfriend and gasped at him holding open a beautiful diamond ring. “doll, i love you with every fiber of my being, you have made me a better man. i don’t want to go another day without you by my side every step of the way. please do me the honor of marrying you?” the photographer snapped several photos including one of tackling him as you screamed yes.

bonus:

schlatt to his twitch chat : yeah so y/n’s not my girlfriend anymore

you, sitting down next to him: that is a horrible way to tell people we’re engaged

[qjackmanifold]

A thorough exploration of "Time To Smile".

For context -- over a month ago, this YouTube channel called "Time To Smile" popped up, posting those spammy Facebook style positivity videos that are just viral clips with voiceovers on them. The weird thing about this channel is that all the voiceovers, for a while, were done by Jschlatt. (Some people assume that this was AI TTS - and the acronym of Time To Smile is... well I feel like it's fairly obvious).

I find it heavily unlikely that these videos are actually TTS, though. Here's a list, with examples, of each person featured on the channel (more than just Schlatt have appeared since the first few weeks of posting, though he remains the primary narrator). Pick whoever you're most familiar with, or SwaggerSouls if you're not particularly familiar with any of them. You'll notice that while the content of what they're saying is particularly generic, it's far too natural to be a text-to-speech generator.

Jschlatt Jack Manifold Yumi TommyInnit Slimecicle Wilbur Soot Ludwig SwaggerSouls

As to not clog things, I'm putting the rest of this post under a read more link :)

There's lots of aspects of this channel that point to it being more of an obscure bit than an AI text-to-speech spam channel. From the subtitles, which have the modern TommyInnit style bounce, the high focus on primates in the channel's earlier uploads (less so now, but still notable. Perhaps a reference to Schlatt's obession with monkeys), and the fact that multiple YouTubers (who are roughly in Schlatt's orbit) have leant their voices for this project.

The profile picture also gives off a deeply unsettling vibe, being an apple 3D emoji avatar thing on a sky with clouds, and a neon green ring around it. (Gonna mention here that there's an account on TikTok, @/timetosmile.tr, that reposts their videos. It's not an official account, which is obvious when you look at the profile picture).

They also respond to comments sometimes. Like This.

Every single video uses the same song as background music - First Step by Hans Zimmer. And the exact same snippet of it as well.

At some point, every video started to end with things like "subscribe if you think pigs are like people!" or "subscribe if you think Harpo deserves the world!", or just "Subscribe!". Eventually, the videos started to end with just "subscribe if you think-", without allowing the narrator to finish their sentence.

In the community tab, they often post polls (a tactic of YouTube channels to farm engagement, since you get channel posts on the mobile homepage from channels you've only watched once or twice... it's this whole thing.)

That is the only poll they post, over and over, occasionally interspersed with text posts that say "What made you smile today, Smilers?". More recently, the posts have gotten a tad sadder.

So you might be wondering, why?

I speculate a number of things:

It's a weird obscure parody Schlatt came up with that's he's roping his friends into for shits and giggles

It's an experiment to see if stupid "viral" content can really get 10M subscribers purely through YouTube shorts, to demonstrate how vapid and regressive the website's algorithm is (Schlatt is very vocal about the way YouTube is run in their Twitter replies)

It's a commentary on the mindless cycle of reaction content that Schlatt and a lot of his collegues have found themselves in. Commentating over others' content, but adding basically nothing to it -- but it pays the bills. It's heartless, lacks effort and passion, and yet if it stops, the views tank, and the channel fades to obscurity. It wears you down, constantly churning out content. Always content. Slop. Something so substanceless that huge quantaties of it exist and yet those who consume it are always hungry for more, constantly, unendingly, without slowing the pace or allowing time to digest or process any of it. Always starving, always being given more but never being satisfied. It's a nightmare for everyone, nobody is winning and yet the wheel keeps turning.

All of the above.

So, yeah. Jschlatt viral slop channel. Love it.

[chuckle-lore]

Episode 119- May 2nd, 2024- Swagger is back :D (same day post)

Lore-

Ted materializes out of thin air/can teleport

More conformation that Swagger was considered being a permanent member of CS

3:30 Everything under Swagger’s balaclava is just skin. His mouth is actually a skin webbing and he communicates telepathically

32:05 Schlatt has put razor blades in candy before

Swagger owns 100s of balaclavas

1:04:10 Ted has portals to other dimensions and steals Swagger’s monkey lamp.

Bare with me on this. Back in episode two Ted admits he has demon heritage. Comparing his abilities to Charlie’s (rip) and there’s some similarities, Charlie has a rift from hell to the living world and can materialize into his ghost form (ep 105, the second Christmas special) albeit in a much smaller scale (can only use the rift once a year and it takes 14 days to transform). I know there’s some moments in the podcast that imply Charlie isn’t 100 percent human I just don’t remember which ones, but if that were the case, I would put money on Charlie having some demon heritage himself.

This begs the question of what is the ratio of human to supernatural beings in the CS universe? Ted and likely Charlie are demons, Tucker is a cherub, Swagger has the whole webbed skin thing going on, and Schlatt is possibly the only human member in the podcast. I’m thinking that it’s either an Amazing World of Gumball situation where anything and everything coexist with each other or something like a lizard people situation where there’s a few handfuls of them and they are all in tight knit communities.

I know I sound insane but this project is also kinda insane so this was expected

Thoughts-

I had fun with this episode. Swagger is definitely up there for my favorite guests and having Ted physically with him was a nice surprise that added to the experience.

Ngl I completely forgot about the sponsorships and it threw me off a bit, especially the engagement ring segment like hearing Schlatt of all people talking about wedding rings feels off. I’m also not too crazy for today’s thumbnail but that’s just me nitpicking.

Overall this was a really entertaining episode that is going in my rewatch playlist, 9/10, hell yeah.

Things of note-

Loved the horse sweater

The idea of Ted being constantly late to his own podcast is funny to me

20:41 “Umm… I’m pretty sure my dragon is cooler. Ur gay”- Swagger Souls

SCHLATT WAS GOING TO ACTUALLY SELL FUNNY STICKS????

I tallied each time my mom said she didn’t like swagger’s voice, three times in the span of ten minutes before leaving 💀

Swagger chose unlimited bacon this time

The ending to this episode might be my favorite ending so far (that or 105’s ending)

(Original notes +comments I liked under the cut)

[lepidopteragirl]

sometimes i think about cquackity being the one to propose to cschlatt, being the one who cared so much, wanted things to work so bad, think about him building the white house. sometimes i think about him wanting a big lavish wedding with all of manburg watching, daring to daydream about it at work some days with a silly little grin on his face (he was 19) (he was 19) until schlatt yelled over at him from across the room, demanding to know why quackitys just sitting there lookign moony eyed for and when quackity doesnt say anything him telling quackity to get back to work with an eye roll and a snort. sometimes i think about them getting married, a quiet, official affair officiated by fundy and attended by two witnesses and i think about him just being happy to be married. i think about him eating schlatts heart, searching within it for a crumb of the love he gave, with his teeth. and sometimes i think about him getting together with karl and sapnap only a day after manburg fell, finding each other before the ashes settled and promising to get married as soon as the burned down city was restored. i think about him staring at his engagement rings, little and cheap bc they don't have a lot of money right now, and what they do have goes into el rapids growing infrastructure, a home for them someday, with certainly not enough left over for fancy jewelry, so sapnap made them by hand. they're messy and a little uneven and the jewels wiggle sometimes but quackity refuses to take them off, no matter what he's doing, even when george makes fun of him for wearing them as they dig up a garden and i think of him sitting in the quiet and twisting them around his fingers and reminding himself that he's loved he is that he put their rings on his finger and his on theirs and they want him too and i think about karl casually dropping "and when we're married" into conversation like its no big deal and sapnap going along with it like its nothing too and i think about him grinning like an idiot but trying to hide it, because its clearly nothing to sapnap and karl? and karl catching him first and not believing him when he says its nothing and laughing and kissing him like q being excited for the wedding is the sweetest thing he's ever heard and i think about them staying up all night trying to figure out what they want to write in their vows. and i think about an effiel tower and wedding chapel in the youngest country in the server, surrounded by roses bc they stand for love and they're also sapnap's favorite flower and i think about him standing outside the prison and feeling a promise to propose fall out of his lips with mist into the cold air and i think about him taking his rings of his finger for the first time since sapnap gave them to them, flushed and grinning, and trying to throw them into lava, leave them behind. i think about him collapsing and not being able to finish the job and tying them on a string round his neck and trying to forget the weight of a grindstone around his neck. i think about him on his hands and knees in the hot summer sun tearing the rose bushes out of the ground with his bare hands until they're more thorn than flesh and i think about him swearing not to go back, to leave first every chance he gets

[espresso-lessdepresso]

r2

"Hey stay where you are. Everything is going to be okay. I'm on my way."

t/w: mention of anxiety/panic attack, overwhelmed reader.

Too much. Everything was just too much. The music was too loud, the rooms were too stuffy, the stench of alcohol was too thick, and the flashing neon lights made your temples pound brutally against your skull. You just wanted to leave; this was not the type of party you had expected when you received the invitation last week.

The ringing ended and the other line finally picked up. You eagerly speak before the other person on the line could say anything, “Hello? Sunny?” Your voice was shaky. “Sunny I need you to pick me up. It’s too much, I'm starting to feel lightheaded, I think I might actually pass out. There are way more people here than I imagined and-”

“Slow down, slow down man, what happened?” That was not the voice you were expecting.

Your mind went blank for a second. “Huh?...Sun..Sunny?”

“What? No, it’s Schlatt.” You brought your phone forward to see Schlatt’s name displayed across the screen and cursed at yourself. “You probably hit the wrong number but- never mind, that doesn’t matter. You okay man?” You were breathing heavy, a clear sign of anxiety plaguing your mind.

“Yeah, I-” The headache pounding against your skull creating a fog in your mind. “I’m so sorry. I’m fine, I just called you by accident-”

“You don’t sound fine.” He scoffed from the other side. “You said you were going to faint? Dude, I’m asking you again; are you okay?” The sincerity in his voice took you back a bit, almost as if it cut through that brain fog.

A little hesitant you were but he eventually coaxed you to explain what had happened and how you were now standing in front of some continent store. And how you’ve been trying to get a cab home but the store wi-fi was shit and-

“Hey, stay where you are.” Schlatt interrupted just as you were starting to ramble. You swallow the lump down your throat as he continued, “Everything is going to be okay, give me a minute, I’m on my way.”

“What? No! It’s so late, Schlatt there’s no need-”

“Shut.” You very much shut up at his stern, but of course, caring voice. “Send me your location.”

After quietly texting Schlatt your location, he told you that it would take him around fifteen minutes to reach and asked you to stay put. You sighed once the call ended. Troubling him was not your intention but, somewhere in the back of your mind, you were glad that he was the one coming to get you.

.✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ .

A little over fifteen, you saw a sleek black car drive down across the street from you. Once parked, Schlatt got out of his car and made his way over to you. “You look awful.” He said, trying in his own way to wipe that anxious look off your face.

“I do?”

“Very.” Just as he wanted, your stress-ridden expression faded into a soft smile as you chuckled at him. A small grin played on his own lips. You expected him to only walk up to you, so you were a bit stunned when he bent down to hug you. “I’m just messing with ya’, you look fine. You feeling fine though?”

“Better now.” You breathed in. The familiar smell of his cologne seeped out from his hoodie and almost enveloped you. It was a bit faded, milder than usual, but pleasant nonetheless. You found yourself in a calmer state of mind than before, more relaxed now that he was here.

Once you pulled away, he looked over your head and pointed at the convince store, “Let’s get you some water and a snack as well, wouldn’t want you passing out on our drive back. Sound good?”

++++++

Engage and let me know if/how you like the writing.

prompt credit: Simping Softness Prompts by @ soulmemes

master list

[helliontherapscallion]

Why Couldn’t it Have Been Me?

Part 2

Paring: Wilbur Soot x reader (past), Ghostbur x reader

Disclaimer: This contains major spoilers for Tommyinnit’s 4/29 lore stream

Warnings: swearing, violence, death, near death, cheating, 4/29 lore stream, grief, blood, injury, panic attack

Word count: 6,737

(A/N): So in this, you’re Schlatt’s twin and Puffy’s your older sister. Also, sorry for any mistakes, I typed a good 2/3 of this on my phone

This was your own personal hell: being trapped within cement walls with your ex fiance, your asshole of a brother, and a Dream wannabe that seemed to never lose any energy. Your life was like a trope in a novel alive you would’ve liked, however being cursed to live in it made you absolutely loathe any and all mention of it. 

Alive you would’ve killed to hang out with your brother again, not the one that turned to the bottle. Alive you would’ve craved the sweet melodies that streamed from Wilbur’s mouth. You would’ve swooned and maybe, just maybe, you would’ve forgiven him. Alive you would’ve perhaps liked this ‘Mexican Dream’ guy, you would’ve perhaps become the best of friends. 

However you despised the three locked up with you with your whole heart. 

Your ex fiance was someone you adored. Hell, you even idolized him when you were alive. The Wilbur you knew was sweet, loving, attentive, and just all around someone that you swooned over. You could still remember how your heart exploded when he first asked you out under the setting sun by the ocean. You remembered every song he's written for you, every word and rhythm by heart, even after all these years. 

You remembered how you felt your heart completely shatter when you found the songs he had in his drafts for someone that wasn't you. Someone by the name of 'Sally'. After a heated argument you had broken up with him, taking the engagement ring off from your finger and throwing it deep into the ocean. You stayed on L'Manberg's side even after all that, too loyal and proud towards the country you helped forge to drop it. You wouldn't let some stupid boy or rabid tyrants prevent you from raising your beautiful nation up from the ashes.

That had been your downfall. You should've listened to Puffy and left the country behind when you had the chance, now you paid the ultimate price for your deep rooted loyalty and devotion towards independence. And your sacrifice didn't even matter in the end! Your deranged ex blew it all to smithereens. If you didn't despise him before, you absolutely did after your dumbass twin told you about his little 'escapades' while you were gone.

Every little thing Wilbur did, no matter how small it was, made you hate him even more. Every time he would shuffle those damned cards, it made you want to rip them to shreds and throw them across the train tracks. Every time he would sing or even breathe, you wanted to strangle him. You were absolutely certain that Schlatt felt the same. 

Oh, your twin was a real card. Always boasting about how his horns were bigger than yours (who even cares anymore? Yours grew in first anyways), telling the others about your shortcomings through crude jokes, even going as far as fighting you through headbutting; you could still feel the pain of being beaten to death before respawning immediately. Schlatt hadn’t known that you respawn even in the afterlife, so you knew he was serious about killing you. You just wanted Puffy, she was far more tolerable than your twin. 

The rustling of his suit jacket and his small grunts and pants resonated within the walls as he did various forms of exercising. You now knew about all of the differing variations of a pushup and you hated yourself for listening to his explanations. He would beg you, Mexican Dream, and Wilbur to stand on his back while he did his endless routines. The only one to readily take him up on that offer was Mexican Dream.

That man was arguably the only one you slightly tolerated, and you said that very lightly. He was still annoying as all hell, but he was a new face. Well, one that you didn’t know well enough to have a grudge against while you were alive. It was slightly refreshing, in a sense. When he first got here, his songs, stories, and humor gave you a nice break away from Wilbur’s depressing songs and Schlatt’s crude jokes. However when you spend eleven years trapped in a cage with one person, everything they do becomes the bane of your existence. 

You were running out of things that kept you sane in this dump. You've read the same novel, counted the same ceiling and floor tiles (32 ceiling tiles and 57 floor tiles exactly), traced the same cracks in the walls, temporarily killing the same cellmates, you've done anything and everything that this cesspool had to offer. You've done everything billions of times over, a never ending cycle of monotony. 

Tommy joining your group of miserable has-beens was perhaps the highlight of your fifteen, almost sixteen, years spent in this shithole. Though he finally dropped the brave facade and showed just how broken down he was after everything he’s been through, having him around was the saving grace to your sanity. He told you how your sister was, how your nephews were, and most importantly what you missed. You knew about all of the events leading up to Mexican Dream's death, but you were left in the dark with everything past that. Ender, you missed so much since you died; It baffled you how much you missed. 

When the train actually stopped at your cell instead of just passing by and it's doors opened, you were just expecting another poor soul to be dropped off here. You could imagine everybody's surprise when none other than Dream stepped out of those doors. The nephew that had betrayed you without a second thought, that had murdered you, that had your severed head displayed on his mantle (you weren't sure the truth of that last statement, Tommy has a habit of over exaggerating. Though, Schlatt did say that your body was found with a missing head when you first forced him to tell you what you missed). Tommy talked to you about how he died only once, so you knew just what your nephew has been up to. It infuriated you knowing that your adult nephew was manipulating and abusing this young teenager.

While you were releasing your pent up frustrations on the masked man, he merely brushed past you and drug Tommy into the train by the arm. You could remember Wilbur banging on the doors begging for Dream to return his little brother and his angered screams echoing down the railways as the train sped off back towards the land of the living. 

Lucky Tommy, he got to live out the rest of his life and actually age. You and your crew of intolerable jesters were stuck together once again. 

Everybody was silent for a few months, reeling at the newly discovered fact that Dream could actually resurrect people. During those three months, they were quiet and tolerable. In a way, the talks that came out of it was like one of those family therapy sessions your older sister would hold in the living room (you remembered how she would grab you and Schlatt by the horns if either one of you refused to go). You would kill to attend one of those therapy sessions again, and this is the closest you were going to get to it. 

You all talked about the things you regretted most while you were alive. Mexican Dream's was that he didn't protect his girlfriend Mamacita well enough. Schlatt's was choosing alcohol and power over his family (tears were especially shed over Tubbo, he really did regret abandoning him to be raised by you). Yours was that you were too loyal to a cause that would be absolutely decimated a short while after you sacrificed everything for it. Surprisingly, Wilbur's was that he had hurt you.

He had begged and groveled for forgiveness, telling you that he just didn't feel that special connection with you anymore. That didn't take away from the fact that he was seeing another while you two were still dating and that he blew up your life's work. He had stolen everything from you, and you would never forgive him for that. 

After you made your thoughts on him completely clear, he had started treating you like you treated him in the last few months. Tension was building up between you two that had laid dormant for thirteen and a half years like a rope pulled taut about to snap.

Everybody had slowly returned to their annoying selves slowly but surely. Schlatt resumed his workout routine, Mexican Dream had started loudly singing and ranting about Mamacita's everlasting beauty again, and Wilbur eventually started up his solitaire and songwriting once again.

The three of them made you want to rip off your twisting horns and shove them in your ears in hopes of muffling them, but you knew that whomever put you here would restore your hearing and make your horns regrow. You knew that first hand after you spent a couple of years alone in this hellhole; breaking your horns off by repeatedly banging your head against the dull stone walls in a manic state was never fun. The regeneration of the keratin only slightly stung, it was like you were a kid and they were growing in for the first time again. 

You felt your eye twitch as Wilbur sang about that damned train for the umpteenth time since he arrived. It’s always ‘train this' and ‘train that' and quite frankly you were sick of it. You were sick of him. 

“Shut the fuck up about that damned train,” Schlatt seethed. You never once thought you would ever agree with your twin, but here you were nodding in agreement and shooting a glare at Wilbur’s direction. The brunet merely stopped his singing and reshuffled his cards, the sound making an ugly cacophony and grating at your ears. 

“Not my fault you two don’t want to talk to me. I’m just making due with what I’ve been given.” He dealt the cards out in piles and started yet another game of solitaire. Seriously, how many games of solitaire can one play before they lose it? You supposed that you’d find out soon, Wilbur has been playing that monotonous card game nonstop for thirteen and a half years.

“Yeah, let the hombre chill! I like his music.” The masked man reached up to stroke his goatee, the scratching sound further penetrating your focus on your book. 

Everything was quiet before Mexican Dream's voice pierced it, "hey, did I ever tell you guys how beautiful my Mamacita was?"

"You told us millions of times, fuckface. You narrate entire love letters daily, so how could we not know how 'beautiful' she was?" You complained, not once looking up from your book. Schlatt snorted to himself and returned to his workout. Mexican Dream crossed his arms in anger, cursing you out under his breath. Wilbur merely glanced at you and rolled his eyes. "You know, I'm tired of your bitchy attitude. Let him talk about Mamacita, it's not his fault every time you think you love someone it fails." 

Your grip on your book tightened impossibly. If it were physically possible, the book would be crumbling to dust in your voice grip. You practically see red as you slowly dog-eared the worn page you were on and put your book down. 

"Oh shit," you heard Schlatt mumble and move away from you, Mexican Dream following suit. When you both were alive, your anger was always something you knew Schlatt feared. However, you knew that he's never seen you this angry; nobody has. The majority of what you've been holding in for almost fourteen years is about to be unleashed. 

"You know what I'm sick of, Wilbur?"

"Oh, do enlighten us."

"I'm sick of each and every single one of you. You three have been absolutely intolerable ever since you arrived. I was doing just fine alone and the universe just had to fuck everything up for me, just like it always does."

"There you go again," Wilbur laughed sardonically, "making everything about yourself." He gathered his cards and shuffled them repeatedly. 

"I make everything about myself?! Do you even hear yourself? Mr. Oh-I'm-such-a-disappointment-to-Philza, you wallow in self pity twenty-four seven! You fucking write every single song about yourself!”

"I didn't want to come here, okay?! I didn't think it was gonna be like this! God, I might as well be in hell with you here." 

"Believe me, my hell started fourteen years ago when you guys started showing up," you growled out, your ears flattening to the sides of your skull.

"Have you ever stopped to think that you're our hell? All you've done since we came here was complain and be a massive douche to all of us." He fluttered through the deck more and more as the argument escalated, the noise making you want to scream until you tasted blood.

"I'm the one that's in the wrong here? You fucked up my entire life. He," you pointed at Schlatt, "keeps beating me to death. And he," you jutted your chin towards Mexican Dream, "never shuts the hell up… Would you stop with that damn deck?! You're literally so fucking annoying." 

He narrowed his eyes, "make me."

A mixture of an animalistic growl and a guttural scream left your lips as you charged at him, your head tilted downwards so he could feel the brunt of your horns. He moved out of the way just in time, the side of your horn brushing against his arm. You crashed head first into the stone wall before you stabilized yourself and looked at the brunet with seething hatred. 

He was staring at you in shock, "how're you-" You used his shock to your advantage, throwing a right hook at his face. His head whipped to the side and his body followed, sending him to the ground in a heap.

"How am I still conscious? I'm a ram hybrid, dumbass. What'd you expect?" You huffed angrily before you pried the cards out of his hand and stalked over to the tracks. 

He scrambled up to stop you, but before he could even reach you, you held the deck over the tracks and looked down at him. You could just imagine how your horizontal pupils were blazing with fury. 

You reveled in the betrayal and animosity gleaming in his eyes as you dangled the thing he held dearest in this hell over the railroads. If you were to drop them, he'd never be able to see them again.

"We promised not to touch belongings on our first day here!" He yelled at you, his hands wrung in front of him nervously hiding the slight tremor. "Our first day here?" You scoffed, "the last time I checked, I was here for two years before any of you showed up." You gestured around the room in one angry swipe, the cards slipping slightly with how sweaty your hands were. It was then that you saw the fear in Schlatt's eyes. Good, that bastard should be scared of you. "If anything, you all are in my domain."

Wilbur flinched at the sight of the cards slowly slipping out of your hand, his breath hitching and panic stricken across his features. Mexican Dream stood up from his place and put his hands up. He was slowly approaching you like you were a cornered wild animal, making sure that you saw his every move. 

He nervously chuckled, "let's just put the cards down and have a nice talk. Doesn't that sound better than this, mi amigo?"

You shook the cards once again, taking in Wilbur's silent anguish with glee. "I'm not your friend, I'm anything but. Don't tell me what to fucking do or else that picture of Mamacita is the next to go."

"...Okay, you're in charge, man. Do what you want." He reluctantly sat back down next to Schlatt. The ram was watching in fear, yet it looked like he was entertained with what was happening. You couldn't blame him, the last interesting thing that happened was three full months ago when Tommy was taken. That and you probably looked feral at the moment.

"You understand that if you drop those, they're lost forever right?"

You threw your head back and laughed, "of course I know, why do you think I only have one sock? I already tried that shit out before you came." You hummed to yourself in thought, then grinned. Wilbur was going to love this.

While you shuffled the deck, you kept a close eye on the movement happening inside the cell. Another perk to being a ram hybrid was that you had a nearly 360 degree scope of everything around you. The only movement happening was the panicked breaths from Wilbur, good. You huffed in amusement, "alright Wilbur, let's do a card trick. I'd ask you to pick a card, any card, but I don't want to risk you fucking shit up again. So, I'm just going to draw for you." You drew a card from the middle of the deck and showed it to him. "The eight of clubs, how fitting." 

"(Y/n), I don't know what you're getting at, but if you don't give me those cards right now-"

"Shut it, I'm not done. I'm going to shuffle this back into the deck, watch the hands." You kept eye contact with him as you shuffled the cards rigorously, the card you pulled long since hidden with the slight of a hand. After a bit of shuffling and reshuffling, you had sneakily put the card between the two halves and bridged them until the cards were in one pile with the eight of clubs on top. 

You chuckled and pulled the top card, once again showing it to him. "Is this your card?"

He nodded slightly, never once taking his eyes off from the deck. "Yes, now give it back to me!" The angry and anxious undertones were like music to your ears.

You tapped your chin in thought, "hm, I don't think I will. You've taken so much from me, it's only fair that I get some revenge." Without another word, you threw the cards behind your head and smiled widely at the sound of the fluttering down to the tracks. 

Wilbur launched himself forward with a frantic yell, his hands flailing to catch all of the cards before they were lost forever. He only succeeded in catching a few. 

His breath shuddered as he stared at the three cards in his hand: the five of diamonds, the four of spades, and the seven of hearts. The fate of the universe was on your side for once, perhaps preternaturally so. 

"You- do you realize what you just did?!" He spun around to face you. If humans could froth at the mouth, a full waterfall would be streaming through his gritted teeth. His eyes held the rage of a man that had just lost everything in one singular instant, the resentment swirling in his dark brown orbs. Several veins were bulging in his face and neck, painting the skin in a red hue.

You walked over to your book and plopped yourself down. "Yeah," you said with a nonchalant shrug of your shoulders. You opened up your book and started reading it again, leaving the man to his grief. 

Everything was quiet once more much to your delight. Though you read this book from cover to cover thousands of times, enough to know most of the words by heart, you were never able to fully enjoy and immerse yourself in it with them around. You took this time to reclaim your designated corner and spend some quality time reading. 

You spent hours with your nose buried deep in your book, savoring the peace. That was until it was snatched out of your hands and ripped away from you. You looked up in slight shock at the sight of Wilbur snapping it shut and walking over to the tracks. 

No. No. Nononono he can’t. That was the only thing keeping you sane. He can't just get rid of it when he's done so much towards you when you were alive. 

A wail left your mouth as you tackled him to the ground, your arms wrapped around his midsection. He crashed to the ground with a grunt, his forehead smacking against the painted yellow stone. You straddled his back and ripped the book away from him, throwing it across the room and away from the tracks. 

You grabbed a fist full of his hair after yanking off his beanie and tossing it into oblivion with his precious cards. You pulled his head up and leaned close to his ear, "you try that shit again and your hat and cards won't be the only things lost to the void." Venom was seeping through your every word, "do you understand me?" 

He merely jerked his head to the side, colliding it with your nose and mouth. You shouted in surprise and let him go in favor of holding your aching nose. You could feel the warmth of the blood pouring from it. Through teary eyes, you looked up at Wilbur as he grabbed your book and flung it against the wall of the opposite side of the tracks. You scampered to the edge and watched in horror as it disappeared into the void. 

Without warning, you were forced to the ground, a hand holding you by a horn and a knee between your shoulder blades. You struggled before a dark chuckle was heard, "if you keep moving, you'll slip! Do you really want that?" You begrudgingly stopped, realizing that he had all the power in this situation. If he wanted to, he could just slide you off from the platform and toss you away like throwing a piece of paper into the trash.

"Good, you're not as stupid as you were earlier today." He slid you forward, holding your upper body over the tracks by the horn. You came face to face with the swirling abyss that was the void, small shapes appearing from your eyes adjusting to the sudden lack of visual stimulant. Your breathing picked up as he lowered you slightly, "you don't wanna do this." 

"No, I do. Thirteen and a half years of having to be around you was hell, but the shit you pulled today just put the icing on the cake. Do you have any last words before you go?"

You grunted as he shook your head slightly, a slight pain coming from the base of your horn. "Fuck you." 

"How appropriate, now let's see if you'll come back this time. It'll be our fun little science experiment!"

He dropped your horn without a care in the world, sending you plummeting to your demise. A terrified scream ripped it's way out of your throat and you screwed your eyes tightly shut in preparation for the void. Your body came to a jerking halt as you held your breath, preparing for… whatever awaited you. However, nothing came.

You cracked open an eye only to be met with the uncanny inkyness, the invisible mist freezing your face and its frostbitten arms opened wide for you. But you never fell into its embrace. 

Instead, you were pulled back onto the platform. You laid on your stomach with your horn supporting your head staring at the wall, tracing every single nook and cranny of the bricks. Your chest heaved as you greedily gasped for air. You never thought you'd be so relieved to see the cement walls you've been trapped in for over a decade and a half.

You were once again pulled up into a now sitting position and leaned against the wall, your back touching the cool cement. Across from you, you saw Mexican Dream pinning a struggling Wilbur down to the floor. Wilbur's crazed eyes met you, piercing through your very being. However, that didn't affect you in the slightest; you almost were just wiped from existence completely, you stared into the abyss and it stared back at you.

You felt… strange, to say the least. While icy fear and adrenaline coursed through your veins, you felt warmth blossoming in you at the same time. It was like the void was an actual person, politely giving you some form of relief from the hell you've been subjected to for over a decade and a half. It was so welcoming, not terrifying like you initially thought it was. When your fingertips grazed its surface it felt freezing to the touch, yet you felt the staticky power it was showing you. In that split moment of touching it, you had already accepted the power it held over you. 

A hand softly slapped your cheek, "c'mon, (y/n). Talk to me." Your eyes drifted lazily to your twin. He was extremely pale, his eyes frantically searching your face for any sign of responsiveness. When you looked at him, he visibly relaxed. "It was so… so beautiful, Schlatt."

"Yeah, what the actual fuck did you just say? You almost just- just died for good dumbass." He looked at you incredulously, you could just see the cogs in his brain working hard to process what the hell he was seeing. 

You looked back at Wilbur, he had stopped struggling slightly and was instead looking at you with a hint of confusion shining through the crazed daze. Mexican Dream tilted his head, the mask skewing slightly to the side of his face. "Thank you, Wilbur. You've shown me that there's… there's more to this hellhole than suffering. There's beauty in the darkness." His struggling had come to a complete halt, now staring at you with the most confusion you've ever seen from him. You also saw a very small hint of fear from deep within his irises.

A calloused hand gripped your chin and forced you to look back at your twin. "What are you on," he hissed lowly, "the stuff that's comin outta your mouth right now is actually batshit insane. He almost just permanently murked you and you're fucking thanking him." 

"I haven't felt this at ease in nearly two decades. I feel ethereal, Schlatt, and it's all thanks to him." You let your eyes drift over to Wilbur. Giving him a content smile, you nodded your thanks at him.

The next few days went by tensely for the others, eyeing your every move and keeping you away from the ledge. You had only peered over the ledge once since then, it was just so alluring to you. It was nothing, yet everything at the same time. Mexican Dream had pulled you back to the opposite end of the room by your horns. The part that disturbed the three men was that you said absolutely nothing about it. You didn't even struggle against it, you just laid limp and let it happen. 

With each passing second you spent away from the void, the feeling of utter peace was rapidly draining from your body; instead being replaced by icy fear, paranoia, and the realization that you were almost completely swallowed whole by the void. 

After coming back to your senses, you didn't allow anybody near you. Your instincts going haywire and screaming that they were going to hurt you if they came close. The last time Schlatt tried touching you, you damn near took his finger off. They didn't bother trying to approach you anymore, instead glancing at you from the corners of their eyes. Wilbur was perhaps the one you feared the most, you knew that if he didn't hesitate to toss you away the first time, he would surely do it a second time. He spent most of his time staring at you, you didn't know if he was zoned out or not.

Everybody was against you, you knew it. You just knew it. They were plotting to toss you back into the void. That thing- or was it an entity? Whatever it was held a power over you that you didn't know was possible. That trance that it put you in, the craving you felt, was something that was repeating like a broken record in your mind. You could still feel the void calling out to you, it was terrifying. 

You spent most of the time huddled in your corner staring at the fingers that had grazed the textured nothingness. You could still feel the buzzing and popping of the power on your fingertips, that inky residue staining your skin wouldn't come off. No matter how hard you scrubbed, scratched, or scraped, it would not leave your body. It was freezing.

The oncoming train screeching to a gradual stop was perhaps the only thing you fully acknowledged outside of your safety bubble in days. You watched in shock as it stopped at the platform. The doors opened with a fwoosh, fog pouring out onto the smooth stone floors. 

Out stepped Dream, the smile etched into his cracked mask sent chills to your core. Next to him was… was another Wilbur? How in the name of Ender was that even possible? 

This Wilbur was different though. This one was desaturated. This one didn't have an insane glint in his eyes, this one had grief shimmering in the tears that steamed on his cheeks. This one was broken compared to the well established man against the wall. This one was defenseless. 

Dream shoved him to the center of the room, the man falling to his hands and knees. Sobs escaped his mouth as steam left his skin and drifted along the sides of his face before dissolving into the air. 

"Got a new plaything for you guys, this one isn't as… fun as Wilbur is though." Dream's head turned towards you before it tilted. "What happened there? Did our dear little (y/n) get too close to the void?" 

"They are none of your concern, pandejo," Mexican Dream seethed at his counterpart from his position next to the train. "Why are you even here, man?"

"Oh, I'm just here to make a trade. I'm afraid that I'll have to give you guys Ghostbur here in exchange for Wilbur."

Wilbur stared at him with pure hope and glee springing up in his eye for the first time in over a decade. "Really?" 

Dream chuckled, "yes, really. What, do you really think I'd lie to you?" 

"I don't know, ya smiley freak. You've been known to fuck people over." Schlatt scoffed, his ear flicking in annoyance. 

"I'm telling the truth this time. Wilbur, come with me." 

Stars shone in his eyes as he reveled in the sight of the open train doors. He followed the masked man with a skip in his step, ecstatic giggles leaving his mouth as he boarded. 

Anger flooded you as you purse your lips together and you darted towards the train. The doors were closing already, if you could just- 

The door shut with a clank, blocking you from freedom. Your clenched fists banged against the window, glowering at the sight of Wilbur's happiness and Dream looking at you with a wave.

"You fucking bastard! Take me, he doesn't deserve it! He threw his goddamned life away, you're wasting your time with him!" Your angry shouts were ignored by the two however as the train once again started moving with a small hiss. 

A frustrated scream left your mouth as you pummeled the iron with your fists as it moved. If only you could find a train car to jump onto- 

Now. You leapt from the platform towards the junction between two of the train cars. However, your leap of faith was set to a halt midair by Schlatt holding your upper arms. You thrashed against him, desperate to get back to the land of the living, desperate to leave this godforsaken hell called the afterlife, but once again, you were torn away from what you were trying to achieve. 

You fell limp as you watched the last train car pass the platform and disappear down the tracks and into the void. The next possible time it would show it’s face would be in a few months if you were lucky. You let him take you back to your corner, your feet limply being drug against the floor. After you were plopped back down, you stared at the clone of your ex. You were pretty sure Dream said that his name was ‘Ghostbur’. What a strange name, yet you supposed that it was fitting for Wilbur’s apparition. 

“Are ya done with your little ‘moment’, (y/n)?” Schlatt was kneeling in front of you, his hands prepared to grab you if you made a run for it. Though his tone was annoyed, you could detect the very small worried undertone of his voice. 

You nodded and watched as he took a seat next to you, also staring at the newcomer. This is the closest he’s sat next to you in years. 

“...What do you think of the clone over there?” You hummed to yourself, “he looks pathetic, but I think that might be the only thing he and Wilbur share.” 

Mexican Dream took a seat next to you, slinging an arm over your shoulders. Normally, you would’ve shrugged him off, but you were too emotionally drained to do so. “Si, he does look kinda weak. But I think our new hombre here has promise.” 

“Promise for what?” Schlatt snorted. Mexican Dream hesitated, “...I don’t know. This is gonna be interesting, mis amigos.” 

“The party’s just begun, boys. Buckle up, this is gonna be a wild fucking ride.” You mused to them, unsure of what the future would hold with the newcomer. Though after a couple of years, you were sure you were going to hate him; that is if he’s nothing like his clone. Ender help you if he’s anything like Wilbur. 

As you stared at the broken man, you couldn’t help but wonder: why did he get to go back? As far as you were concerned, psychopaths like him do not deserve a second chance at life. If anything, it should be you boarding that train. It should be you getting a second chance. He was the one that so readily threw his life away while you had yours ripped away from you.

One continuous thought was circling in your mind: why couldn’t it have been me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You wrung your hands together as you anxiously waited for Tommy, Ghostbur, and Friend outside of Pandora’s Vault. Ranboo and Tubbo sat next to you in the grass, giving you silent comfort with their presence. You were mainly worried for your boyfriend, his worst fear was Dream using the resurrection book on him. You had calmed him down from a panic attack prior to meeting up with the teenagers, begging him to let you go in his place. Of course, Ghostbur being the caring and brave soul he was, wove you off and ensured that he’d be okay. 

When you saw someone emerging from the portal, you leapt to your feet and steadied your head on your shoulders before you examined the people emerging. Except you only saw a human and a sheep, no ghost. 

Tommy looked pale and on the verge of tears as he led Friend towards you. Before he spoke, he used his sleeve to wipe at his tears. 

“Hey, Tommy! How did it- where’s Ghostbur?” The enderman hybrid stretched his usually slouched back to peer at the portal, keen eyes searching for any sign of movement. 

“I think he’s dead… He’s dead!” 

Tubbo tilted his head and looked up at the blond in confusion, “well, yeah. He’s a ghost. Of course he’s dead.” Ranboo nodded in agreement, “yeah, he can’t die again. That just isn’t possible.”

You said nothing (not like you could in the first place, your head wasn’t connected to your body), looking into Tommy’s eyes inquisitively. They were chock full of panic, grief, and fear, staring down at the lead in his clenched hands. 

“No, no you don’t understand, it’s not that he’s dead… it’s that Wilbur’s back.”

“Hold on, the Wilbur that blew up L’Manberg? That Wilbur?” Ranboo peered down at him incredulously. “Yes! C’mon, he- we gotta get to L’Manberg.” 

He spun around and led Friend towards L’Manberg, walking quickly with a purpose. You, Ranboo, and Tubbo followed. You hugged your head close to your chest, your eyes peeking over your arms. It was always something you’ve done whenever you were scared or worried about something. You heard stories about Wilbur from your nephew, if the stories of his insanity terrified you, you’d hate to see the man in person. 

“I was about to kill Dream, and- and Ghostbur died. Dream revived Wilbur… Fuck!” Tommy walked faster, L’Manberg far off in the distance. With one hand, you grabbed the blond’s attention and finger spelled, ‘are you serious? He’s actually gone?’

“Yes! How many times do I have to explain this?! Ghostbur isn’t with us anymore and Wilbur’s back. Wilbur’s back and we’re absolutely fucked.” He turned on his heel and resumed his beeline towards the crater in the wall. No, he couldn’t be gone. This was just a cruel prank they were pulling on you, right? 

Tubbo put a comforting hand on your shoulder, giving you a small sympathetic smile. You leaned into his touch slightly and carried on, stepping into the makeshift staircase behind Tommy. 

You moved your arms to cover your eyes as you stepped aside to make room for the other two teenagers. You heard a voice; it sounded exactly like Ghostbur’s voice, yet it sounded... off. You however remained hopeful and uncovered your eyes. 

The man that stood there certainly wasn’t your boyfriend. Everything about him was just so wrong. The emotion in his eyes, his clothing, his smile, his stance, his hair, everything. This was a completely different person. This was Wilbur Soot. 

“Hello again.” His eyes flicked around your group, his gaze lingering on you for longer than the rest. You noticed that he was staring at your neck, but that was okay. You were used to it; everybody did that. What you weren’t used to was the revulsion that flashed in his eyes. The eyes that once lovingly stared at you and reassured you that he’d love you even with your… condition were now filled with disgust. 

That was what broke you, the tears that you tried to hold in came streaming out like a waterfall. Stinging pain hit you as the water worked its way through the cloth of your uniform onto your arms, leaving steam floating upwards towards the cave ceiling. You phased through Ranboo’s body and made a mad dash towards your sister’s house. You needed her, you could feel a panic attack brewing inside you. Usually you would hate to be a bother to your older sister and Ghostbur would always calm you down, but now he’s…

You pushed that thought aside and focused completely on getting to Puffy’s house in the distance. You phased through the door without a thought to knock, frantically beginning your search for Puffy. 

You looked everywhere, but you couldn’t find her. Unable to cope any longer, you fell to your knees in the middle of the living room and hugged your head to your chest, your face being pushed against your uniform. Your shoulders shook with silent painful sobs, the only sound in the room being the sizzling of your skin. 

Why couldn’t it have been you? It should be Ghostbur standing there in that cavern, not Wilbur. This was completely your fault, you should’ve gone instead of him. You should’ve volunteered quicker than he did, you shouldn’t have let him talk you into it with his soothing words. Now because of your complete and utter cowardice, he was stuck in the afterlife once again. You were never going to see him any time soon. Your other half was ripped away from you because of your inaction. 

Between sobs, your lips repeatedly formed the same phrase: why couldn’t it have been me?

General taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@crybabyjabby  @izzybobizzy13  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @bunnyz-pxstel  @averytiredfanfictionwriter  @dcml04  @sparkling-gayyyy  @bbigbbrainn  @thaticecreambish  @kiinokochii  @satansphatass  @bxkubitch  @bxmentchildxx  @roxy3457  @montygator17  @feverish-dove  @the-fictionwriters-hairdo  @jichuuchaeng  @404rynnotfound  @luluwinchester  @laura--444  @the-cult-classic-bitch  @youngstarfishdinosaur  @nottheotheruser  @ohworm-writes  @localwolfanon  @realitycanbeajerk  @v10dw4lk3r  @esylwen  @seraphsema  @boiled-onionrings

GN reader taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@twitchchatvroom  @parkeepingparker

[cyncerity]

I drew something for the Dad’s Troubles AU cause I don’t want it to die!

Q is in pain and bitching about it

Close up internal and Q w/out the internal and a lot of extra writing under the cut.

So this takes place after Quackity noms Ranboo and, realizing he can’t spit him out as planned, noms Tubbo shortly after to comfort him (all of which I’ve mentioned in the first draft for this au)

Warning that I’m about to rant about this au a lot (mostly about Schlatt and Quackity’s relationship) and if you wanna read anything else about the actual art, just read the first and last paragraphs (the last four are a short that happens after the events of the picture because I have zero self control)

A few things I didn’t mention that I put in the pictures is that Quackity feels like shit rn. I mentioned that Ranboo was way too big to comfortably fit inside of Q’s belly, so adding Tubbo to that weight was a big mistake. And he still can’t spit out either of them for the next..maybe 10 or 11 hours at this point. And he doesn’t want his fiancé’s fussing over him so he leaves and walks down the hallway to Schlatt’s place, since he’s the only one who kinda understands this stuff and the only person he can talk about Tubbo to.

I’ve seen a lot of aus where Schlatt and Quackity have a really toxic relationship and Schlatt never loved Q and Q got manipulated and yada yada yada but please let me have my one au where it’s different. Yes, Quackity and Schlatt used to love each other. Yes, they were engaged. Yes, the broke it off, but it was on neutral terms. They both agreed that they were dumb fresh out of high school kids when they wanted to get married and now that they were adults they just didn’t mix well anymore. Hell, they started going out because of a game of “gay chicken” gone too long. There’s no way they could go through with years of marriage together. But Quackity’s just happy that he became Tubbo’s “mom” through the proposal. (Tubbo exclusively refers to Quackity as “mom” or “mama Q.” Quackity thinks it’s hilarious and has never objected to the name. He has, though, asked Tubbo where the nickname came from. His son changes the subject every time, and has refused to answer the question for years now.)

I know I put something a little different earlier, but it’s my au so I’m changing it, but Q and Schlatt were still engaged when Q “met” Tubbo (the losing the bet incident that resulted in the first time Schlatt swallowed Tubbo). Schlatt explained the next morning that Tubbo was his son and that if Quackity was gonna marry him, he had to get used to Tubbo and treat him like a normal kid. He didn’t have to help raise him since “he’s tiny, I can handle him by myself,” but Q felt a sense of obligation since the marriage would make him the tiny’s official dad, so he did his best to help raise the kid.

He never regretted it. He loves Tubbo just as much as Schlatt does, even after they broke up. When they told Tubbo they weren’t gonna get married anymore, he just asked if Quackity was gonna leave him “again,” whatever that meant. He said no. Tubbo felt better after that. Presently, Tubbo doesn’t care that his parents aren’t married. They love him, and they care about it each other, even if it isn’t romantic anymore. (Also, Tubbo has been begging Quackity to let him be the ring bearer at his wedding with Karl and Sapnap since their first date).

Safe to say, Quackity and Schlatt are best friends. Quackity has a back up key to Schlatt’s apartment and will break in in the middle of the night to do whatever. Most of the time that’s breaking in and waking Schlatt up so he can complain about something. This usually ends with a pillow getting thrown in his face before Schlatt falls right back asleep. That’s kinda what happened with the pictures above (see, it wasn’t just a rant, I brought it back around to the art. I’m a genius).

Schlatt was literally just trying to go to sleep before Q bursts the door open, hand on his stomach which is extended far more then normal, and a pained look in his eye. “Schlatt, I fucked up.” “What happened and where’s our son.” “In here, he’s not alone, I can’t get them out because my fiancés are idiots, and my internal organs are being stretched too far and I feel full in the worst way and it fucking hurts and I crave death.” Schlatt sighed and turned on the coffee machine, filling his mug before walking to his couch and sitting down, patting the open spot next to him. “Talk to me.” Q dramatically flopped down next him, wincing immediately after at what Schlatt could only assume to be Tubbo and whoever else getting thrown around his gut due to the sudden movement. Quackity began to ramble about what had happened earlier, hand never leaving his stomach. Schlatt just listened.

The next morning, Schlatt woke up to Quackity leaning on him, still fast asleep. Schlatt shook his shoulder, eventually slowly waking the man up. “What do you want?” Q whispered, still half asleep. “I want you to spit out the poor soul that’s been stuck in your belly all night. Probably scared the fuck out’ve ‘em. Also, I’m sure You and Tubbo and them are hungry, and none of you can eat while your like this. I don’t think you could fit anything else in there if you tried, anyways.” Schlatt said, smirking and poking Quackity’s stomach. Q smacked the finger away and got to work getting the two out of his gut as Schlatt walked away to get food. He came back to see Quackity and Tubbo talking as the sleeping borrower layed on a washcloth on Q’s lap. Tubbo himself had a washcloth, too, and was trying to scrub the spit off of him as he saw Schlatt walk up the the couch with a plate of fruit.

“Dad!” “Yes?” Schlatt smiled, looking down to meet eyes with the tiny, who had a glare on his face and fire in his eyes. “You’re a dickhead.” “Woah, what did I do?” He laughed, and Tubbo smiled back “‘Oh you probably scared them,’ ‘you need to check on the borrower you swallowed last night.’ You forget about me or something?” Tubbo began to dramatically fall off the table, Schlatt’s hand instinctually coming up from under his to keep him from actually hurting himself as Q scoffed, barely containing his laughter. “Your very own son, worthless, abandoned! Forgotten by the man who raised him in favor of another borrower he’d never even met!” Quackity finally laughed out loud before Schlatt slid Tubbo down on his palm and loosely closed his hand around his torso and head, keeping him from speaking as he brought his other hand under him for support. “Ok you drama queen, I get it. You have jealousy issues.” Schlatt said as he set Tubbo back down on the couch near the fruit plate. Tubbo picked up a grape and bit into it before trying to shout “I don’t!” “Dont talk with your mouth full. Besides, I’m not worried about you. You’ve spent longer than 12 hours in specifically Quackity’s stomach before, never mind me and Q’s. I think your record with me was 2 days. So you’re far more than used to this than they are. We’ve been swallowing you for a while, but this other kid must’ve thought they were gonna die. Did they seem ok while you were in there with them?”

Tubbo swallowed another bite of his grape and shrugged. “I don’t know. They seemed pretty panicked when I first got in there with them. They may have relaxed a bit when I told them that we were in my mom and we could trust him. But that might’ve just been confusion since mama Q is, y’know, a guy, and they knew that and I just referred to this random human man as ‘mom.’” Schlatt could practically sense Quackity facepalm without even having to look at him. “At least that bit got them to stop crying some. But they seemed to calm down at least a little after a few more hours. Enough to fall asleep, anyways.” “Alright, that sounds…good, probably.” Schlatt responded looking back to the still unconscious borrower. “Damn, Alex, I feel bad for you. How did they even fit in there?” Quackity went to reply before Tubbo cut him off. “That’s what I was thinking, too!” Tubbo exclaimed. “His belly is, like, barely over half the size of yours. And I normally have extra room. But god was it cramped in there last night.” “Yeah, it seems like it would’ve been.” “It was. I can tell you right now, it was.” Schlatt laughed, picking up Tubbo and moving to sit down next to Quackity as he set Tubbo on his lap next to the other borrower. “So, what are we gonna do when they wake up?” Quackity asked. Schlatt shrugged. “The best we can.”

[proffbon]

Quackity and Schlatt - The Doomed Lovers

This relationship is a joke. No, I’m serious. It’s a bit. Take the “romantic” side of the relationship out and almost nothing in canon changes, because their story wasn’t about love at all. But anyway, I digress. Something being “a bit” is not a really good excuse when things come to Dream SMP, is it? So please, humor me for a second as I try to apply serious narrative analysis to this mess of a relationship. 

I warn you, even jokes and bits will be used for characterization, on both sides, even chill streams, even old pre-heavy roleplay ones. 

So please, enjoy.

(Everything is /rp /dsmp obviously)

“I would kill for that thrill of first love“

Not a lot of people know or remember about Schlatt and Quackity being in a relationship before the election. As most of the things about these two did, this started as a joke, a bit. But if we consider that later the characters make references to this relationship and considering that this is where they got their “sugar pumpkin sweetie cupcakes” bullshit from we have to admit that to some extent it was canon. As it was very chaotic I will try to explain the general idea of it.

Schlatt and Quackity were on friendly terms, they joked, engaged in friendly bickering and generally just hung out. Schlatt was actually trying to help Quackity find a girlfriend or at least kept him company in the process. At some point, they started flirting with each other, nothing serious, a pet name here, a suggestive comment in Spanish there. The whole pet name deal actually started out as a way to try and annoy each other but ended up becoming a bonding activity.

Later on, as Quackity was still on the lookout for a girlfriend for himself, Schlatt mentioned his girlfriend, Alexandra Botez, who at the time won his Love or Host. Quackity immediately accused him of cheating because of it. They’ve barely “dated” at this point so Schlatt was confused on how he “cheated” while they were never officially in a relationship. Quackity said that calling each other cute names was enough confirmation of their love. They both got progressively annoyed with each other and ended up in a messy breakup, during which Schlatt, as he always does, took things too far, he started boasting about his girlfriend in an attempt to hurt the other man while Quackity tried to make Schlatt believe that he has one too, but ultimately kept trying to bring Schlatt back. Quackity was left distraught but saw this as an opportunity to find a new girlfriend, a “new Schlatt”. He clearly hasn’t fully moved on.

This miscommunication (to put it lightly) becomes the underline of their “love”. For Quackity any display of affection, however small, is a sign of love and adoration, while for Schlatt it’s just a fun thing to do. Schlatt has flings while Quackity yearns for a relationship. Schlatt needs specific confirmation while Quackity makes it “official” at the slightest hint of sympathy.

This also is the first case of us seeing Quackity’s skewed view of monogamy which seems to apply only to his partners (unbeknownst to them) and not to himself.

“I don't want what you have, I wanna be you!”

A big theme of this relationship is the “internal conflict”. Conflict of ambitions, conflict of egos.

Quackity wanted power. And power he received. Except not to the extent he wanted. Although he obviously got a much better deal than he would have by teaming up with Wilbur, Quackity is forced to face the consequences of his choice – he is now a VP, a second-best, there’s someone above him that he has to report to. But that’s alright. As long as he can actually be on equal footing with Schlatt it’s okay. Except that doesn’t seem to be what Schlatt is planning to do.

The first private meeting. According to Schlatt, he presents himself as a sole ruler, a ring leader to whom everyone reports to because he knows that there’s a target on his back. Schlatt knows that people want him dead and by diverting attention to himself he can keep Quackity out of this, let him not take the fall with Schlatt. Or so he claims. We can’t be sure about whether or not Schlatt was lying when he said this, even Quackity suspected it to be some sort of an attempt to manipulate him, but it kind of fits into his pattern of behavior – Schlatt will often remind and reaffirm his position as a ruler, comment on how the cabinet doesn’t really hold that much power. But despite that the cabinet wasn’t restricted in presenting and getting their project ideas approved (eg. the flag, the prison, the Taco Bell with no sticky floors), their suggestions were listened to (eg. Tubbo convincing not to take down the Camarvan, Quackity suggesting a meeting with Wilbur and Tommy, suggesting using Pogtopians for free labor), the cabinet was trusted to handle documentation. This was especially prominent in pre-Festival Manberg. But this wasn’t something Quackity was going to be satisfied with. As we might have guessed already Quackity holds words in high regard. So no matter how many projects Schlatt would approve and how many times he would listen it wasn’t enough. As long as he didn’t call him an equal, as long as other people didn’t see Quackity as Schlatt’s equal it didn’t matter. This was a cause of great damage to Quackity's self-esteem and later would become one of the driving points of his descent.

Schlatt wanted power. And power he received. Being the president of Manberg was almost as good as being a king, no laws or external powers had any way to restrict them. And, quoting Eret, “Those that are given power hold on to it’. And while someone else will hold on to it through strength or charisma Schlatt was aiming to hold on to it through fear and deals. Schlatt crafted a facade of a powerful cold-blooded ruler that can’t be disturbed by people being displeased with him, that doesn’t have anything or anyone that can be used against him, the ruler that doesn’t have weaknesses. And this facade hinged entirely on Schlatt’s words. Schlatt lacks physical strength or skill, but what he has is presence, charisma, a voice that can intimidate and convince. This even might be why Schlatt was always talking about how actions speak louder than words: he knew his way with words and how to present himself through them, but his actions he considered the more truthful part of himself and others.

So that’s where the conflict arises. Schlatt can’t afford to show someone that he isn’t the all-powerful and fearsome ruler. No matter how much it hurts Quackity he won’t admit to him having any actual power over him or being on equal footing with him, and Schlatt most certainly won’t do it with his own words. And Quackity can’t afford to let Schlatt openly disrespect him around their peers, he is insulted by the idea of being presented as a powerless eye-candy even if really that’s not what he is in practice.

This all manifests in yet another vicious cycle of their relationship. Quackity almost constantly doubts and questions Schlatt's leadership. Not really because he thinks it’s absolutely worthless, there were times when Quackity was really enthusiastic about Schlatt’s ideas for the country, but because as soon as Schlatt does something that Quackity doesn’t like it just reminds Big Q that he is not the one in power and he has little to no strength to defend himself against it. When Quackity says “ You should show more authority, your people don’t listen to you, you’re the president after all” he actually says “You’re not fit to be the leader. I should be in your place”. But when Schlatt keeps hearing things like this he interprets them differently. This just feeds into his idea of needing to constantly prove he isn’t weak, that people should listen to him if not because of his position then because of fear. Which in turn just ends up in Quackity being more hurt. And so the cycle continues.

“I gotta get out without it being my fault”

This relationship is very one-sided in more ways than one. Miscommunication is basically an understatement when used in reference to these two. It becomes extremely evident when we try to look at what each side saw this relationship as.

Schlatt, for a lack of a better word, was stuck. And admittedly it was his own fault. Schlatt saw that Quackity still harbored feeling for him and decided that mixing in some compliments to an already great offer of cabinet position and six-figure salary would help him get Quackity as an endorsement. This all might sound like speculation, but hear me out. Schlatt was aware of how easily Quackity jumps at the opportunity of a relationship, he experienced it first-hand, remember? So he was basically aware that complimenting Quackity was a road to becoming his “boyfriend”. And it kind of did turn out exactly as it did in their first relationship: as soon as the coalition was formed Quackity declared them a couple. But that level of flirting was all they got to during the mentioned last time, so in a sense, this was the ground that Schlatt could safely thread and still insist on the relationship being casual. Now everything else beyond compliments and comments on appearance would be the show of more affection than Schlatt ever intended on. We can actually see Schlatt actively refusing to go any further: he refuses to kiss Quackity at the Festival, he refuses to sleep with him, calls their relationship platonic, refuses to marry him. And at the same time, Schlatt doesn’t really want or sees the need to abandon this relationship. For one he genuinely finds Quackity attractive and if the circumstances were different probably wouldn’t mind going for that kind of fling with him. But besides that, he knows how serious Quackity takes this and if it really got to the point of them “breaking up” it would probably mean losing a friend and an ally. Never mind that Schlatt doesn’t even know what he needs to do for Quackity to truly abandon the idea of being in a relationship with him. They’ve been through a break-up already, Schlatt already admitted to never treating their relationship as anything serious and despite that Quackity still had feelings for him, still referred to him as “babe” upon meeting him again. In Schlatt’s eyes, all the low-resistance break-up opportunities were lost at this point. If Quackity still considered them a couple after all the things Schlatt did to ensure that their relationship stays as casual as possible there was truly no safe opportunity for a break-up. So why not just roll with it, even if you have to be stuck in this weird juxtaposition of never truly being close and having no way out?

Now, while we’ve discussed things from Schlatt’s side the same sentiment is seen in Quackity’s POV. Quackity has a very interesting dialogue with George where Big Q tells him that there’s a girl he likes but she doesn’t reciprocate his feelings. He admits that he thinks that the girl likes him too but just doesn’t show it. To this George responds that she is probably just playing hard to get because who wouldn’t love Quackity. While all of this explaining is happening Quackity keeps looking over at Schlatt. So you see, this is the exact problem that we are faced with. The more Schlatt protests the more Quackity thinks he’s “playing hard to get”. After all, he is probably aware of how emotionally constipated Schlatt can get. Schlatt can say a bunch of hurtful things to Q, he can straight up deny them being together, but one compliment is enough to instill the idea of needing to “win Schlatt over” in Quackity’s mind. Those small compliments were mistaken for Schlatt trying to open up to Quackity, while in reality, it was nothing more than casual flirting. As long as a stern denial of feelings is followed with a cute nickname or a comment about his ass Quackity will believe that he has a chance to further this relationship, which admittedly is a cruel way to go about it that Schlatt intentionally chose. This misleadingly hopeful way of thinking becomes Quackity’s own prison in which he not only keeps himself but Schlatt as well. And that prison ended up hurting both of them.

“I love you as much as someone like me can love anyone”

So this is how most fandom’s takes go: Quackity was genuinely in love with Schlatt while Schlatt only used Big Q’s feeling for his benefit. This is a very strong oversimplification of what these two had. Have they ever truly loved each other? Were there happier times? Or was it just a ploy from the start?

Quackity by far was the most trusted member of Schlatt’s cabinet. While everyone else was suspected of being spies almost constantly, Quackity only really got just “suspicious” during the first day when he kept running off, opposing Schlatt and generally started acting less loyal. After that, the king of paranoia Jschlatt never even questioned Big Q’s loyalties. They had the talk about mutual respect and it seemed to settle everything for Schlatt. While Quackity was occasionally plotting to overthrow Schlatt behind his back the man himself only saw Quackity supporting Schlatt’s vision for the country, having a good time and picking on Pogtopians with him. Even after their fight at the White House, which resulted in Schlatt losing a canon life, he was just sulking and eating Big Q’s laxatives out of spite. No hunts, no executions, no bounty. He wasn’t a president who got betrayed, he was a man who fell out with his close friend. Schlatt saw an ambitious boy in misplaced “love”. He used this love to initially bring Quackity on his side, to remind him of what they had and how great their partnership can be. But after that? Nothing, he just had to deal with Quackity’s feeling, the least he could do is compliment him as he genuinely found Quackity attractive. But as he knew how easy it is for Quackity to attach himself to you, he avoided going any further. Schlatt doesn’t do “love”. Schlatt has “flings”, “affairs”, “bitches”. He doesn’t let himself or his party get attached. At least not by the thing knows as “love”. Schlatt even went as far as constantly remind Quackity about another “girlfriend” he has (as Quackity himself didn’t seem to shy away from telling Schlatt about his other love pursuits) but alas that didn’t seem to help anyone and only made the already tense relationship worse.

Quackity may seem like someone who is genuinely in love but only on a very surface level. Even before the relationship went downhill Quackity was pretty cruel to his supposed lover: asked him questions he’s uncomfortable with, made fun of his age and health (two very sensitive subjects for Schlatt), kept flirting with other people in a futile attempt to make the man jealous. Quackity sure tried to win Schlatt’s love over: took him on a date, kept himself in shape, prompted him to jealousy. But at the same time, Quackity never expressed genuine love for Schlatt. Attraction at best. And at the same time, he was hurting when Schlatt didn’t reciprocate his feelings. Just like during their first relationship. And that's understandable considering the lengths he was ready to go for it. Which made me realize this: Quackity was never in love with Schlatt. Quackity was in love with the idea of being in a relationship with Schlatt. Or with anyone really. Quackity wasn’t exactly monogamous and didn’t hide his affections for others from Schlatt. But at the same time he got jealous of others for their relationship - he couldn’t stand Karl and Sapnap’s engagement, he was mad at Schlatt for talking about his girlfriend, he suspected Schlatt was cheating if he didn’t pay enough attention to Q. Quackity had an exact plan of how a relationship should go and everyone who showed him affection was subjected to this plan. Flirting, sex, marriage, kids. And as soon as possible. This is shown very well by Quackity asking Karl (who he already tried to get married to) to marry him after Schlatt escaped their wedding. His reasoning for this? “I can’t be alone”. There it is. The thing that started Quackity and Schlatt’s first relationship. “Be my e-pal, play Minecraft with me, help me look for a girlfriend”. He wanted to be with somebody, anybody. He dreaded the idea of being single. He didn’t want to be in a relationship with Schlatt. He wanted a relationship. Doesn’t matter who it was. And it just so happened that he and Schlatt became so close at the time he might as well follow through with it. Quackity’s own self-image laid in the hands of his partners. He was just unlucky to place it in the hands of a man who didn’t want to have anything to do with it.

So really no one truly loved each other in this relationship. The pair was just feeding off of their own definition of what love was and clashed with each other when said definitions crossed.  

"I only fuck the ones I envy, I envy “

The subject of sex in this relationship doesn’t come up very often. To be fair, the subject of any sort of physical love doesn’t come up very often. You don’t see Schlatt and Quackity kissing, holding each other and really getting close in general. There are exactly two times of them being physically close: walking by the hand on the date and checking out each other's cologne (and even those two are dubious at best). They mostly admired each other from afar and used cute names.

This is what started this whole thing. I was so surprised to see Quackity and Schlatt hugging in one animatic to the point that it made me start looking for this kind of closeness in canon. But this went way deeper than I thought.

Now sex is the thing that does come up a lot in canon actually, just not a lot of people talk about it. There are prominently sexual encounters between these two that have one thing that ties them all together: all of them are prompted by Quackity.

The presidential rally, Quackity just announced the formation of the coalition with Schlatt, Schlatt is resting on the bed, he seems too out of it to even fully realize what’s going on. To show how much Quackity “endorses” Schlatt he gets on top of him and “crouches” making Tommy, Wilbur and Tubbo unwilling witnesses. He only stops when Tommy says that children are watching the stream.

Schlatt and Quackity are on a date, there’s still a bit of tension after the fight they had earlier that day, Quackity invites Schlatt to the hotel (played by Purpled’s UFO). Quackity says that they are going to watch Live P.D. while sitting on a couch. Upon the arrival Schlatt notices that there is no Live P.D., Quackity is on the bed but tries to make Schlatt believe that it’s a couch. As soon as Schlatt figures out that the intent was to have sex all along he freaks out and leaves.

Manberg Hotel building negotiations. Schlatt skims through the permit. “...no personal relationship, between Schlatt and Quackity, will intervene in the building of this historic building. In other words, no divorce papers, no prenups, no pregnancy...”. Pregnancy? Quackity admits that he is indeed going to have a kid and it’s Schlatt’s. Schlatt is shocked, Quackity suggests that Schlatt was so drunk on whey protein that he blacked out and forgot about it. Schlatt can’t believe it and tries to brush it off.

You may notice the lack of Schlatt’s involvement in this or really a desire to be involved at all. Now there are other instances that play into this narrative that Schlatt didn’t view their relationship as sexual.

Quackity and Schlatt’s failed wedding. Schlatt cheers when Karl (as a pastor) says “your marriage will be a life-long promise to love, respect, trust and honor each other“. But then Quackity adds “and sex, babies!” to the vow. Right after that Schlatt goes silent, looks at the exit and flees. Quackity gives chase.

Quackity asks Fundy if he knows what “platonic” means. Fundy replies “friendship, no sexual interactions” to which Big Q answers that he and Schlatt are not platonic, however, Schlatt denies it, saying that he’s not platonic only with his hot chess girlfriend. Quackity whines for him to say that they aren’t platonic.

There are some other explanations to some of these instances (Schlatt still being bitter during the date, Schlatt actually leaving the wedding due to how long it is and Quackity’s words being just a coincidence, Quackity lying about Schlatt being a father or lying about his pregnancy altogether, Schlatt being shocked at the fact that Quackity could get pregnant and not at the fact of intimacy), but those are based on the same level of speculation so there’s no way to know the truth until it gets retconned.

So it is quite possible that Schlatt viewed their relationship as borderline platonic with aesthetic pleasure as the end goal. After all, the man went as far as refusing to even kiss Quackity. Never does he refer to Quackity as “lover” or such, only a “life-long partner, partner in crime”. And Quackity might have just tried to fulfill his vision of the perfect relationship by bringing a part that he deems quite important - sex. For Quackity sex is as important as cute names, dates, marriage. Just another way to “have” a relationship. It becomes even more evident when we consider how much in this relationship hinged on physical attraction.

So that’s when I pull the trigger of my Chekhov’s Gun.

Let’s reflect on the pregnancy situation. Schlatt, who doesn’t see Quackity as a sexual partner (subject of sexual fantasy at best), gets drunk on “whey protein” (sounds quite strange but Schlatt might have been drinking during his exercise or mixing whey with alcohol). It’s unclear whether he was blackout drunk or if he blacked out right after the deed but he was drunk to the point of forgetting it happened so he was probably partially incapacitated, if not by alcohol then by something that had the same effect. In this state he and Quackity get intimate. Judging by Quackity’s reaction he doesn’t mind the incident and is the only one of the two who remembers it.

So what I’m trying to say is that there’s a possibility, however small, that Quackity had his way with incapacitated Schlatt. This of course isn't the only possible explanation, but it’s the one that we can conclude by taking the characters’ words at face value.

You can make your own conclusions about this little “fact”. I sure don’t know what to think.

Conclusion

This relationship became a burden to both people involved in it. Both suffered, were betrayed and demanded polar opposite things from one another. Miscommunication, distrust, “I know better” attitude, conflict of ambitions. This relationship, this presidency became a great detriment to two people who shared a lot of views, who if not loved each other at least considered each other friends. This is truly a tragic sight, an example of how power, insecurity, egos can turn people against each other, bringing great hurt in the process to both.

Schlatt made Quackity self-conscious about his appearance, Schlatt insulted him and didn’t show enough respect while knowing that that’s the thing Quackity yearns for, Schlatt would take things too far during arguments and deliberately make Quackity upset.

Quackity tried to push the relationship into a more sexual direction while knowing Schlatt would be against it, Quackity accused him of cheating while being unfaithful himself, Quackity constantly made fun of Schlatt for his age and health even before their relationship soured.

And no one had their happy ever after.

[telly-tubbster]

headcannon yall

quackity edition

he has a glass eye that he uses to play fuckin pool and he always wins

he melted the gold engagement rings from karl and sapnap into either a golden coin which is now his trademark or he melted the gold rings into a ring of his own that he never takes off and it symbolizes his heartbreak and he uses the hand with the ring on it to punch people cause it’s chunky and thick and the design on it is a duck

he’s a duck shape shifter and this also correlates to his voice, he can change what his voice sounds like on command (like he can sound auto-tuned)

the songs played in las nevadas are all made by him

he absolutely hates havin to fire people or let someone go because of his past and people abandoning him so he only fires or let’s someone go unless he has to

durin the manberg vs pogtopia lmanburg explosion, his wings were unharmed because of the fact he retracted his wings into him

he can retract his wings back into his body, so can anyone who has wings (either cannonically or like if the person is headcannoned to have wings)

he is so close to havin a mullet

he has a gold tooth or he has gold teeth and they’re sharp

if he wins the bet with schlatt he’s bannin all alcohol and will call schlatt “jflatt” to repay him for callin him “flattypatty”, and he makes schlatt call him sir or boss

whenever someone wants to join las nevadas or he gets a customer he’s overjoyed like his wings and hands start flappin and he starts jumpin and stuff and this makes everyone that sees this so happy for him

he does take sam to therapy and he hypes sam up as well for stuff as well as like any other employees at las nevadas and he goes apeshit whenever someone makes fun of anyone he cares about’s trauma or like purposely brings up a touchy subject that affects anyone he cares about

he’s very strict at las nevadas and there’s very few people, either employees or customers, at las nevadas that he’s lenient towards or isn’t strict with

he constantly asks people if he’s like schlatt

has little parties with his employees at las nevadas whenever like an event or important thing happens to one of the employees (like birthdays) or las nevadas or like a milestone or goal is reached and he invites his friends and stuff sometimes too

he visits kinoko kingdom every once in a while and leaves little letters and stuff

he has a duck and a :] tattoo

he’s terrified of anyone he trusts or cares about leaving him

invites tommy over to las nevadas and does not make him pay and has given him a one of a kind las nevadas™️ token or poker chip

when he find out niki is under kinoko kingdom, he invites her to have a duel citizenship with las nevadas

has thought about sendin an invite to las nevadas to sapnap and karl multiple times

whenever he’s out sick or away he puts both tommy and sam in charge, sam to run las nevadas and tommy to watch/annoy schlatt

he only visits dream at night cause the casino closes at like midnight

he has employees wear formal attire

sometimes like wakes up cryin because he has dreams about karl and sapnap

i feel like he calls sam dad

calls tommy big t

reluctantly attends weddins

he randomly finds ghostbur just like, at las nevadas

[simp4lucius]

Auntie Maya Part 2

A continuation of ‘Auntie Maya’.

Trigger warnings - alc0h0lism, dr0gs, swear words, mentions of s£xual things. Sad angst.

Schlatt stumbled through the door the next morning hungover with dark bags underneath his eyes and his suit rumpled. Maya supposed he had been in the bar again, talking business with not-so-trustworthy business partners and touching up the women.

She sat at the dark oak dining table, one hand resting flat on the top, the other curled around a champagne fluke, fingers noticeably empty of her wedding and engagement rings. Her clothes consisted of a white blouse, a black pencil skirt, and a royal blue travelling coat with black lace on the hems. Her brown hair fell to her shoulders in perfect curls, accentuated by a small blue hat perched on the side of her head, secured with pins.

Outside, Tubbo sat in the carriage in a matching blue travelling cloak, hair slicked back, as if ready for a party. Next to him on the seat was his suitcase, his mother’s hat box and black travelling case.

---

Schlatt stomped up the stairs and into the dining room, hooves tapping on the hardwood flooring. The silence was unnerving, much different to the loud party with booming bass music and liquor that made the walls move. Men laughing and spilling expensive gin all over their suits, brunette and redhead women in black dresses all over him, handing him drinks-

“Welcome home.” The tone Maya enunciated it in made it clear it was not a welcome. It was pure poison.

“Happy to be here.” Schlatt muttered, rubbing a hand over his face, feeling the scratch of his stubble. He hadn’t shaved in a few days.

Maya’s hand twitched on the table.

“Where’s Tubbo?”

“Outside.”

“Why?”

“We’re leaving.” That slapped Schlatt straight in the face.

He should have seen it coming.

Months of drinking and drugs and switching between clubs and bars to avoid work played through his mind. State money spent on drinking competitions and whores to satisfy his boredom. He knew what he was doing to himself, to his wife and son, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

He stood on the red mat, in front of the fire, one hand on the lower half of his face, the other hanging limply by his side. His grey suit jacket hanging off one shoulder, white shirt ripped on one arm. His curved goats horns were unshined and his usually pristine hair was matted on the right side, from alcohol or some other nasty substance that got on it.

He stood there as Maya laughed once, quietly. More of a... ‘pushed-air-out-of-nose-hard-in-amusement’ than laughter. She smiled slightly, top lip curling to show off her pearly white canines. She downed her champagne and put the glass on the table, shrugging on her coat and pulling on her black lace gloves, picture of elegance and sophistication.

“Well, I’ll be off then. Thank you, Jay, fo showing me what a relationship should not be like.” Maya walked past him, patting him lightly on the shoulder as she did so.

She walked, heels clacking, to the carriage outside, climbing in next to her son and tapping the side to make the driver go.

“Maya! Maya, please!” Schlatt ran out of the door. The carriage came to a halt. He caught up.

“Please, Maya.” He panted. Maya smiled slightly, blue eyes filling with crystaline tears.

“I’m sorry, but you’re not the Jay I married.”

“Maya-”

“Goodbye, President Schlatt.” The carriage started up again. Schlatt kept running after it, until the horses began trotting too fast for him to keep up. He fell to his knees on the gravel driveway, watching through the wrought iron gates as his wife and son trundled away, dull horns glinting in the moonlight.

---

In the carriage, Maya rested her had against the window as tears ran down her cheeks, causing her mascara to run with them. Tubbo rested against her side and her hands went to his hair, smoothing the wispy bits back down.

“Mummy-”

“Hush, now.” Tubbo soon fell asleep as Maya watched the scenery blurred by through the window. She sighed, hoping Phil would know what to do.

Part 3?

[khizuo]

Coolio! So, this particular dsmp au is based off of one of my favourite albums, Once Upon A Time (In Space) by The Mechanisms, which is a retelling of classic fairy-tales, like Snow White, Cinderella, etc but set in space and way more queer (Cinderella and Rose Red were engaged to be married).

Side Note: All most all of The Mechanisms albums are retelling of popular fairy tales, myths and legends like Ulysses Dies At Dawn which is a retelling of popular Greek myths (I would recommend the song Ties That Bind which is my favourite song from the album, which is a retelling of Theseus and the Labyrinth myth from the point of view of Ariadne), The Bifrost Incident which is a retelling of Norse myths (Loki's situation, specifically the way it is described in the song Loki reminds me of Ghostbur) and High Noon Over Camelot which is a retelling of Arthurian mythology (Arthur, Gweniever and Lancelot are in a poly-amorous relationship).

Anyways back to the dsmp au.

So, in the source material there is basically there is a rebellion going on. The rebellion is fighting against Old King Cole's empire, New Constantinople. Old King Cole is the ruler of New Constantinople, which is an empire composed of a thousand suns. Old King Cole has ruled over his empire for thousands of years. During his reign, two twin daughters were born to one of the most noble families in his empire. Those two daughters were named Snow and Rose. Snow is a gifted politician in King Cole's court while Rose is King Cole's best solider. Anyways, King Cole wants to improve his army so he kidnaps Rose on her wedding day and uses her as a genetic base for his new army. During Rose's kidnapping, almost all of the people in attendance were killed, all but two, Snow, Rose's twin sister who would become the leader of the rebellion and Cinders, Rose's fiancee who would spend the rest of her life searching for Rose with the aid of her ring which would shine red in the presence of her love. This is the bare bones of the plot. There are also plenty more characters like the three little pigs, who are King Cole's loyal men, Red Riding Hood who hacks into King Cole's vehicles and rides them in to battle, Briar Rose, a failed clone of Rose who was put into a coma and hooked up to New Constantinople's mainframe in order to control the empires security and Jack the Giant Slayer who killed a Rose Red Behemoth.

Anyways in the dsmp au, Techno is Rose while Wilbur is Snow. Philza is Cinders but they are not romantically involved. Philza is Wilbur and Techno's father. Techno is kidnapped on his birthday, not his wedding day. The ring that glows red is the friendship emerald. Schlatt is Old King Cole, while the Dream Team are the three little pigs. Ranboo is Briar Rose, the failed clone while Red Riding Hood is Tubbo. Tommy might be Jack the Giant slayer and one of the other minor characters.

So Wilbur is a politician in Schlatt's court while Techno is his best solider. Techno gets kidnapped on his birthday where everyone is killed but Wilbur and Philza. Wilbur and Philza get separated, Wilbur heading off to lead the rebellion, while Philza searches for Techno. While leading the rebellion, Wilbur finds Tubbo and Tommy and they fight together against Schlatt's army. One day, Wilbur, Tubbo and Tommy find out about Ranboo, the centre of New Constantinople's security and decided to rescue him and wake him up from his coma, which has a side benefit of turning off the protection that was protecting the planet where Schlatt resides, Manburg. The rebellion decides to attack the Manburg. Meanwhile, due to the protection's being lowered, Philza's emerald starts glowing green when he passes by Manburg and he decides to investigate. Philza and Wilbur's story-line joins back together when they show up at Schlatt's lair at the same time.

Now, i haven't figured out if i want to follow the album's ending which is way more angsty or if i want to make my own ending.

Anyways, here is the dsmp au. Sorry for the rambling and the sidetracking. If you have any questions about the au or its source material just ask!

Anon I really need to check out these albums now, you've definitely peaked my interest! :D

I think this is a really fun au and if you expand on it (or give it an ending) feel free to drop more of it in my inbox! I especially like Wilbur's role as a politician-turned-soldier and I feel like that could make for some sweet sweet angst >:)