#that i know everything else in my mind is blanked out and someone wrote the word “aaaaabs” like everywhere

[iceclew]

L-listen I...

I can explain..

I may have crossed the path of windbreaker today, and.. and.. I MEAN...MIGHT BE COMPENSATING THE LACK OF A CERTAIN DOOFUS BUT ALSO BADASS BOWL CUT HERE,.... BUT I SORTA FELL IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER DOOFUS BUT ALSO BADASS BOWLCUT, I AM SORRY, YOUR HONOR, BUT TO MY DEFENSE HE WAS FCKING SHIRTLESS FOR LIKE A GOODDAMN MINUTE OR TWO!!!

[andvys]

The edges of your soul (I haven't seen yet) ⭐︎ chapter twelve

⭐︎ You're a bandit like me. Eyes full of stars

Warnings: 18+, minors don't interact! hurt/comfort, grumpy x sunshine, post apocalypse au, mentions of death, mentions of killing, mentions of sex, alcohol consumption

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Word count: 15k

Author's note: Here it is friends! I've been so excited for this chapter (and I hope you will be too, this has some good stuff). I struggled so much writing this, I have no idea why, it's literally one of my favorite moments in this story so far! But here it is now, and I wouldn't have done it without @hellfire--cult , she wrote a good portion of this (aka all the fun stuff between Steve and Sunshine hehe) so please give her some love ♡

series masterlist ⭐︎ previous chapter

☀︎

“We can cut through Idaho, Colorado, or we can drive straight through Utah.” Eddie explains with his hand. His eyes are focused on the map before him, eyebrows furrowed and eyes concentrated. 

Steve is standing beside him with his arms crossed, nodding as he thinks of what road seems the best. 

“Wasn’t Colorado crawling with infected when the news was still airing?” Steve mumbles. 

“When was that, Steve?” Eddie shrugs at his friend. “A year or two back? The cold temperatures have either wiped out the infected or they have moved down south by now.” 

Steve nods his head, “yeah, you might be right. What do you think, Nance?” 

Nancy isn’t focusing on the map, she isn’t even listening to them. Her eyes are set on you. You are sitting on the steps of the RV, your head leaning against the door frame. You are staring into blank space, fiddling with the loose string on your flannel. 

Someone who doesn’t know you would think that you are just enjoying the sunlight kissing your face, but it’s not that; she wishes it was that. You are quiet, and you have been quiet for the past few days now since the attack. She understands it, but she is concerned about you, scared that you are losing yourself and that there is nothing she or the guys can do about it. 

Steve’s eyes follow, and his face only falls further. He has been trying to get through to you for days now but it’s like your mind stayed there. You don’t talk much, you barely eat, and your lips are in a permanent straight line. He knows you need time and that you aren’t gone completely because even with your mental absence and your silence, you still let him hold your hand, you still sleep in the same bed with him, you still let him hold you at nights – it became a regular thing, after that day especially. 

Steve needs you close, he needs to feel you in his arms, he needs to know you are there, or else he can’t breathe, he can’t sleep, he can’t function. You are on the same page and, without much debating, you settled on spending every night, every perimeter check, every run into towns together. He knows that he is now going against everything he promised to himself when he first met you, but he can’t help it, he can’t help the way he feels about you now, the way he needs you around. 

He misses your voice, even more so, he misses your laughter and your smile. 

“A few weeks, give or take, and we’re in Nevada. That is, if we don’t get into too much trouble on the road. I���m talking weather conditions, blocked roads, hoards of infected–”

“You just said they moved south.” Nancy frowns, not looking away from you just yet. “Now you are talking about… hoards?” She squints her eyes. 

“Probably, yeah. I think they moved south, but I can’t know for sure, Wheeler. There might be a hoard gathering somewhere – which we’ll deal with, no problem. There also might be more demo shit monsters out there which we had the luck of avoiding so far. We don’t know what kind of trouble we’ll run into the rest of the road. Maybe we’ll even have to lay low for a while,” Eddie exclaims, throwing his hands up. “The winters are brutal out here, we’re lucky if we don’t get snowed in.”

“We will get snowed in at some point. I was stuck in a cabin for two weeks last year, I almost starved and froze to death.” 

Your voice catches everyone by surprise. Eddie and Steve glance at one another before they look at you. You are still staring straight ahead. 

Your words make Steve’s heart ache in his chest, even more so when he thinks about how he treated you when he first met you. How awful he was to you, how much he wanted you to leave, push you out the gates where you would have been all alone again, fighting for survival on your own, fighting the kind of people you have killed for him. 

“It’s gonna take two months or more until we get there.”

“It doesn’t matter how long it will take, Sweetheart.” Eddie says softly. “What matters is that we’ll get there and we will. You’ll see your family again!” He tries to lift you up, to make you see the point in this trip again. 

You will see them again, yeah. 

But what will they think of you after what you have done? 

Eddie notices the way your shoulders tense at his words, the way you suck in a sharp breath, the way your eyebrows furrow as you stare at the ground now. You suddenly get up and move forward. 

“I’m gonna check for more supplies,” you murmur as you walk towards the gas station that Eddie and Nancy have already gathered supplies at. 

Steve follows you without a second thought. Eyes filled with concern and body tense just like yours, “Sunshine–”

“I need a second.” You mumble without looking back. “Just one second…” 

One second to yourself. 

Steve’s face is etched with pain. Sadness flashing across his features, twinkling in his eyes. He halts in his tracks, staring at you in deflation. He wants to follow you, knowing exactly what is troubling you. He so badly wants to take you into his arms and comfort you, but he can’t, not when you are like this. 

Both Eddie and Nancy take a look at him. Pity flashes in both their features, he doesn’t have to look at them to see it. He hates it, hates the way they can see right through him. 

“Steve–”

“It’s fine, Nancy.” Steve grumbles as he takes a few steps back again, he leans against the side of the RV and crosses his arms over his chest. 

She sighs and looks back down at the map before her. Giving you the space that you need, giving him the space as well. 

But Eddie stares at the door you have shut behind you, watching you through the dirty window as you mindlessly walk around the store. His jaw clenches, not in anger at you but in anger for how you feel about yourself. He sees the way you avoid mirrors, the way you stare at your hands for a little too long. He can practically feel the horror you feel towards yourself. 

“I’ll talk to her.” 

Steve pushes himself off the RV again, eyes widening as he watches Eddie stomp after you. 

“Eddie–”

But Eddie doesn’t listen, and he flips his hand up, telling him to stay there. He opens the door and walks inside, not bothering to look back. He closes the door softly, not wanting to startle you. 

He is careful not to step on any broken cans or boxes that fell from the shelves as he looks for you. He walks past the aisles, looking into every one for you. He furrows his eyebrows, wondering where you had disappeared to so quickly in the second he had looked away. 

He searches for a moment until the sound of shuffling lures him into what once used to be an office or a break room. He finds you there, standing in front of a table with your back turned to him. You are holding something in your hand, staring down at it. 

Eddie walks inside, clearing his throat so he doesn’t startle you. You don’t budge. You stand still. He takes a deep breath before he looks over your shoulder and his shoulders tense, a frown appears on his face. 

A mixture of sadness and anger creeps up inside of him. 

“Sweetheart,” he whispers as he steps even closer and takes the note from your hand. He glances down at it one more time. He skims over it a second time: ‘If you turn into a monster is it still you inside?’ Eddie crumbles it up and throws it on the ground. 

He doesn’t know whether to pull you into his arms or to scold you. 

He wants to do both. 

Eddie wraps his hand around your bicep and he turns you around, forcing you to face him. 

“Look at me.” 

You hesitate but look up at him after taking a deep breath. 

Eddie’s gaze softens when he sees the vulnerability in your eyes. His shoulders slump and he sighs. 

“Sweetheart,” he whispers as he moves his hand up to your shoulder. “Don’t even think about it, don’t let your mind go there. You are not a monster.” 

You don’t regret what you did, not in the slightest. You would do it again and again if it meant saving your friend, if it meant saving him. You would do anything for your friends. You would do anything to keep him safe. 

“I murdered them–” 

“Monsters. You killed monsters.” He gives you a pointed look, trying to get it through that thick head of yours. “Do you think that’s what we think of you now? That you are some kind of monster too?” 

Your silence answers his question. 

Eddie shakes his head wildly, gripping your shoulder tighter. 

“You did what you had to do, what we couldn’t do but don’t… don’t think for one second that I, that we wouldn’t do the same for you. I would have ripped those bastards apart one by one to save you, and I know that Steve would have done the same.” 

Your eyes soften at his words. You know he is telling the truth, the look in his eyes is so determined and truthful. 

“You saved him, you saved us. I don’t care how you did it, you could have fed them to the infected – hell, I would have helped you drag them to their dinner table. But stop being so hard on yourself, stop living in there,” he taps your forehead. “I know what that evil part of your brain is trying to tell you and I can promise you that it’s all bullshit, okay? You’re a fucking saviour, Sweets. You are fucking hero.”

The tension on your face disappears little by little. Your lips start curling up a bit. 

“You’re not a monster, we don’t think that about you, and your family won’t either. Hell, your brother will be proud to have such a powerhouse as a sister.” 

A smile tugs on the corner of your lip, and you can’t help but chuckle, “stop that now…” 

Eddie feels successful when your laughter fills the room again. He squeezes your shoulder, smiling at you. 

“It’s nothing but the truth. You’re strong, really fucking strong. This world hasn’t gotten to you in all that time you’ve been out there by yourself. Don’t let it get to you now, not over some pieces of shits who had it coming – god knows how many potential victims you have saved.”

You nod at his words. You know he is right. He is right about them, they deserved it, every single one of them. 

“I don’t regret what I did,” you shrug, “I just… I didn’t know that I could turn into this.” 

“There’s a different side to everyone, Sunshine.” Eddie speaks softly and carefully. “Sometimes we have to resort to it… to save and protect the ones we love.” 

His eyes flash with something else, a distant memory that never strays away from him, always reminding him of the night he protected everyone too, the scars on his skin a forever reminder. 

You nod at his words, knowing that he is right about everything. 

“You sacrificed a little part of yourself… that doesn’t mean that you are lost completely, Darling.” He whispers as his eyes flicker to the forming scar on your cheekbone. 

Warmth spreads through you, and you feel the kind of comfort you always got from your brother whenever things got tough. He is like him – in a lot of ways. 

“Like you did…” You whisper, knowing about the night he almost gave his life to save everyone. 

His throat bobs as he nods. His dark eyes flashing with horrors that night tortured him with. 

“I’m sorry, Eddie.” You whisper, knowing how painful it must be to think back to that night. 

He gives you a smile, a soft and comforting one. 

“I’m sorry too,” he mumbles and pulls you closer, wrapping his arms around. He tugs you into his comforting embrace. Giving you a warm, big hug. 

A sigh falls from your lips as you close your eyes and wrap your arms around him, squeezing his waist. 

Eddie is a little surprised that you hugged back so quickly, but a satisfied smile appears on his face. He loves hugs. Unfortunately, Nancy hates them and Steve… is well Steve. He only allows you to get close nowadays. 

You stay in his embrace for a while, only now realizing how much you needed it, how much you needed the reassurance and the comforting words of someone who is now like a brother to you. 

“You smell really nice.” Eddie blurts out after a long few minutes of silence. 

You furrow your brows as an amused smile makes its way on your face. 

Eddie sniffs at your hair causing you to giggle, especially when you pull away and he follows. 

“What’s that scent? Is that raspberry?” Eddie questions, tilting his head to the side. “How do you smell so good?” 

You push him away with a giggle, rolling your eyes at his genuine curiosity. 

“I wash my hair? Duh.” 

“I wash mine too, smarty pants.” He rolls his eyes at you, poking your cheek. “Mine never smells like that.” 

“Gotta find yourself a new shampoo then.” You shrug and look down, blushing a little. You always made sure that you look decent, that you don’t smell, which isn’t always easy in a world like this considering you sometimes run out of water and have to resort to wet wipes until you find a lake to fill up your water tanks again and Eddie tends to use way too much of your body wash. 

But you always do your best to stay clean, to smell nice – especially, especially now that you share a bed with Steve and somehow always end up in his arms or even on top of him. 

You may or may not have a secret bottle of perfume hidden in one of your boxes. 

He hums, crossing his arms over his chest as he eyes you slowly. 

“It’s not the shampoo, is it?” He squints his eyes as a smirk tugs at his lips. “You got some sort of body spray or perfume hiding somewhere, don’t ya? No one can smell that nice from shampoo or body wash alone.”

You shrug, humming, “I do.”

But Eddie can see the way you avoid his eyes, the way a blush creeps up your face, and you grow flustered. He knows exactly why. 

He can’t help but poke your waist, chuckling when you flinch, “you little liar! You got perfume hidden somewhere, don’t you? Wanna smell nice for Stevie boy, huh?”

Your eyes widen and your lips part as you begin to stutter. 

“Oh, I knew it!” Eddie laughs loudly. “I mean, I get it, if I shared a bed with someone I have a big fat crush on, I’d do the same.” 

You roll your eyes at him and push his hand away, turning around, you walk back into the store. 

Crush is an understatement, you are way past that point. 

Eddie’s smile never fades as he follows you. “You didn’t deny it.” 

You didn’t, no. There is definitely no point in denying something so obvious. Eddie already knew it when you attacked him with that wet shirt. 

“Do you want me to deny it?” You scoff. 

“Nope. I know it already anyway,” he shrugs, following you with a satisfied smirk on his face. “Tell me, have you kissed yet?” 

You halt in your tracks, cheeks burning at this point. 

Eddie almost walks into you when you stop so suddenly. He raises his eyebrows as he stares at the back of your head. 

You turn around to face him, not bothering to hide your flustered face. 

“No…” You mumble, shaking your head. The thought of kissing Steve makes your cheeks burn hotter and your chest flutter. There was a moment, a fleeting moment, where you thought that he would kiss you, where you thought of making the move yourself and closing the gap between you, but he pulled away before you had the chance to. 

Your eyes flash with something that makes Eddie’s smile fall slowly. The teasing no longer evident in his eyes when he sees something more serious in your features. 

“You hesitated,” Eddie points out, tilting his head at you. “Did you try to…?”

You shake your head. Your mind wasn’t there in these past few days and before that you were too insecure to even think about it. But you want to, god, you want to kiss him so badly. 

“No. There was a moment…” 

Eddie raises his eyebrows at you to continue. 

You take a deep breath as you glance out the window, even through all the dust and the dirt on the glass, you can still see him. He is standing with his arms crossed, face etched in concern as he waits for you to come back out. 

Eddie’s impatient huff pulls your attention back to him. 

“When I saved the cub, Steve pulled me into his arms… to warm me up– Don’t look at me like that, he would have done the same for you or Nancy!” You frown, blushing furiously when the teasing grin is back on his face. Though the thought of Steve holding Nancy the way he held you makes you feel sour for some reason. 

“No, he wouldn’t.” Eddie snorts. “He’d throw a blanket over our shoulders and call it a day. Now, continue.” He waves with his hand. 

You huff at him, rolling your eyes as you look down at your hands. 

“There was a moment where he moved closer… and I-I thought that maybe… he would kiss me.” You shrug, trying to act like it doesn’t affect you that he didn’t do it. “But then he moved back again… so maybe I just… saw something that wasn’t even there.” 

Eddie’s eyes soften, and a sad smile tugs on his lips. You don’t even see the way he looks at you. 

“Sweetheart–”

“No, it’s fine.” You shake your head, hating that exposing vulnerable feeling rising up in you. 

“You wanted him to kiss you, didn’t you?” 

You bounce your knee and bite your lip as you feel the nerves clinging to your heart. Your ears burn too now. You don’t answer his question but you look at him through your lashes, allowing him to look into your eyes. 

Eddie’s eyes light up, his dimples show when his smile widens. 

“Aw, Sunshine.” He giggles as he leans closer and pinches your cheek. “You’re adorable.” 

“Stop!” You groan in embarrassment, pushing his hand off. 

“I mean I already knew there was something between y'all but… damn… just make the first move. What are you waiting for? For him to sweep you off your feet and kiss you stupid before putting his cowboy hat on you so you can–”

“Oh god,” you interrupt him, rolling your eyes, though with a smile on your face. 

“You make the first move, you’re an independent, strong woman, Sweetheart. Don’t wait on the guy, I think he lost all his charm, you gotta be the one to make the first step here.”

You shake your head, “nope, I don’t think he likes me like that.”

Eddie sighs at your words, “listen, my sweetheart used to bully me when we were still in high school, we hated each other, turned out we just needed to fuck to see the potential between us,” he shrugs. “Steve wasn’t a bully to you… but… he kinda was. Still, I saw him checking you out, even when we were still in Hawkins.” 

Your eyes widen, “w-what?”

“Oh, Honey.” Eddie chuckles, his eyes flickering with amusement. “You are so oblivious. You’re telling me you don’t notice when his eyes are glued to your ass?”

You swallow and you shake your head, feeling as though you will suffocate if you don’t get out of here. 

“I thought women notice that shit.” He chuckles. 

You only stare in response, not knowing what to say because no, you don’t notice. 

Eddie tilts his chin down and lowers his voice, “you’re telling me he never got hard during one of your cuddle sessions–”

“Eddie!” You slap his chest, blushing harder than ever before. Your reaction giving you away yet again. 

He laughs loudly, eyes widening. “Oh, so he did!” 

“Shut up!” You mumble as you turn around and continue your way towards the door. “He said it was… wasn’t like that…”

Eddie furrows his eyebrows, still laughing behind you. 

“He just got hard for the fun of it?”

You roll your eyes and turn back around, “it was cold, it was before I got sick, when we hid in the car during the storm… We warmed each other up and he… you know.” You say quietly. 

Eddie didn’t know that. Steve told him about the part where you had to ditch your clothes and cuddle to warm up, but he left this very interesting part out. 

He crosses his arms over his chest, unable to fight the smirk off his lips. 

“It doesn’t work like that, you know? At least not to me, I’m not gonna get hard because of someone I’m not attracted to, Sweets. No matter how close they are.”

Your eyes grow hopeful, and he sees it. 

“Besides, you can’t tell me that wasn’t the only time…” Eddie says slowly. 

You and Steve have been sharing a bed since you got sick, and more than once, Eddie walked in on you cuddling in your sleep. 

You breathe in sharply and Eddie laughs again. Oh, he is gonna enjoy his next conversation with Steve. 

“And you haven’t mounted that horse yet, Cowgirl?” 

“I am done with this conversation!” You say with a high pitched voice as you turn on your heel and make your way out the door. You breathe in the fresh air, hoping for the coldness to cool off your burning cheeks, but the moment your eyes lock with his, you are done for. 

Eddie clears his throat as he steps out behind you, he stops laughing, though the amusing smile on his face gives away the kind of conversation you had in there. 

Steve pushes himself off the RV, his concerned eyes moving across your face. Unlike before, you don’t seem tense, and your expression is softer, though there is something else now troubling you. You are flustered, he can tell that much, especially by the way Eddie is smirking. 

Eddie picks up the pace when he notices that Nancy isn’t outside anymore. He catches up to you and reaches out for your arm, wrapping his hand around your bicep, he leans down and whispers, “also, you better talk to that poor man again; he follows you around like some lost puppy.” 

Guilt surges through you as you glance at Steve, whose eyes are softer than ever as he eyes you. You know you have been neglecting conversations with him, struggling to talk the way you did before the attack. The look in his eyes is why you avoided eye contact with him – it’s killing you now. 

Who would have thought that you would ever turn him into this? 

Steve furrows his eyebrows as he looks between you, noticing the flustered look on your face right away. 

Eddie brushes past him after letting go of you, he pats his shoulder before he disappears into the RV, giving you a moment to talk. 

Steve never takes his eyes off you, his body moving on its own accord, towards you. His name falls from your lips softly. His voice forces you to look up at him. 

“Are you okay…?” Steve whispers, his hand slowly reaching towards yours. 

You nod, looking into his hazel eyes, feeling warmth flooding through you, settling in your chest and in your stomach. The feeling of comfort holding you strongly every time you are near him. 

“You know that you can talk to me, right?” He doesn’t even try to hide the desperation in his voice. He knows Eddie tried to get through to you, and he might have done, but he wanted to be the one. 

“I know,” you whisper, sighing as you look down at his hand. You can’t help but reach out and slowly wrap your pinky around his. 

Steve’s heart flutters in his chest, he looks down and envelopes your hand fully, giving it a squeeze. 

“I just… I needed some time.”

Steve nods, understanding it more than anyone. 

“But Eddie…”

“Eddie is just like my annoying brother. Impatient and forcing me to talk.” 

Steve doesn’t know why he feels the weight of relief at the words ‘Eddie’ and ‘brother’ in the same sentence. He was fearing that you might have a more special bond to Eddie than you do to him. 

He cracks a smile, his shoulders slumping as the tension slips off. You notice it, how his eyes soften and a breath of relief falls from his lips. It gives you a shimmer of hope. 

“I wanted you to talk to me but I didn’t want to pressure you,” he murmurs softly as he takes a step closer to you and looks down at you with an expression that hasn’t faltered, not even after that night. You were so scared to look into his eyes, to see fear or disgust after how you handled things but you find none of those things – if anything, the look in his eyes is even softer now, making you feel stupid for even worrying, for thinking that he could see you how you saw yourself.

“I would have talked to you,” you whisper. Your own eyes soften, your voice filled with guilt. You didn’t mean to push him away, you didn’t mean to be so distant. 

“Yeah?” Steve tilts his chin down, looking deeply into your eyes. 

You nod. 

“Good. I thought you might have ditched me for Eddie,” he jokes, caressing the top of your hand with his thumb. “Thought you’d kick me out of our bed to snuggle him instead.”

Our bed. 

Your heart skips a beat, cheeks burning hotly at the choice of his words that you like a little too much. 

“Never.” You giggle, your eyes glinting with amusement. 

Steve’s stomach flutters, his heart yearning to hear more of that sound. His eyes light up and his hand squeezes yours tighter. 

“I missed that.” He blurts out, redness taking over his cheeks. 

“Missed what?” 

You tilt your head to the side in a way that makes him feel weak, you just look so damn cute, with that line between your eyebrows and the slight pout on your lips. 

“Your smile, your laughter.” 

Your breath hitches in your throat, your heart nearly exploding. 

He missed your smile? Your laughter? 

The look on his face is serious, his eyes vulnerable. You never thought that you could have such an effect on the guy who didn’t even want you around at first. 

Now he is holding you in his sleep, needing to feel you in his arms at nights, yearning to see you smile, to hear your laugh, to have you with him. It drives you crazy. It makes you yearn for him even more. 

Lost puppy is what Eddie had called him, the look in his eyes resembles just that. 

You can’t even fight the sudden urge to hug him, you take a step towards him and let go of his hand to wrap your arms around him instead, strongly. It certainly is not your first hug but it still catches him off guard, especially after days and days of your silence and distance.

You lean your head against his chest and close your eyes, breathing in his scent and melting into his embrace when he slowly wraps his arms around your waist, hugging you back after a second of hesitation caused by surprise. 

Steve’s face crumbles completely, his eyes softening even more if that is even possible. His heart beats so strongly, threatening to expose the way he feels about this. He takes a deep breath, an inhale of your sweet scent that sets all his insides on fire every goddamn time. His breathing turns shaky as he leans down and tightens his hold on you. 

You don’t know how long you stay that way for, but a few minutes pass – and if it was up to you, both many more could pass, but you need to move, you need to get back on the road. 

You pull away reluctantly. He keeps his hands on you, not pulling away completely yet. Your eyes meet and they speak to each other, the way your hearts do too. If only you could voice out your feelings. 

You are a hopeful person; you have always been one. It isn’t easy to be one in a situation like this though – even when a part of you, the smallest one, hangs onto the weak string kept together by the little moments of his eyes flickering down to your lips or his hands holding onto you tightly, searching for your touch. 

Could he feel the same? Could he feel a sliver of what you are feeling? 

If so, will he ever make a move or was Eddie right about what he said about him? 

Will you have to be the one to try? 

You aren’t sure if you are ready to try but you know that you will regret it someday if you don’t take the leap. 

You notice the way he stares at your lips, you feel the way his fingers tighten around your arms. 

Your eyes move across his face, tracing every mole, every scar, his pink cheeks, his lips that look surprisingly soft given the cold weather. Too many nights you have gone to sleep wondering what it would feel like to kiss him. 

This isn’t the right moment, it definitely isn’t. 

But you have to test the waters, you just have to. 

“Come on, we should hit the road,” you whisper as you take another step closer, moving onto your tippy toes, you press your hands against his chest, avoiding his eyes as you lean closer and press your lips against his cheek, pecking it softly. 

Steve’s eyes widen and his breath hitches in his throat. The spot your lips touched tingling as his heart threatened to jump out of his throat. 

He stands there for a while, even after you have pulled away to make your way back into the RV. He stands there processing what just happened. 

It was an innocent kiss. It was the smallest peck, a sweet kiss on his cheek – nothing he hadn’t felt before, and yet it made his heart beat in a way nothing else ever did before. 

He can’t help but crave more, he can’t help but want more than just this. 

When he returns to the RV, his cheeks are still burning, his heart's still pounding. He tries to act like nothing happened, like this little moment didn’t affect his emotions. He closes the door behind him, locking it. 

He clears his throat as he looks around, his eyes meeting Eddie’s, who is smirking at him, eyes glinting. He saw the whole thing, of course he did, he watched it. 

Though the metalhead says nothing and only turns back around, getting comfortable in the passenger seat as Nancy throws the map into his lap. She glances over her shoulder after fastening her seatbelt, looking at you before her eyes meet his. 

“Ready?” 

Steve nods, scratching his neck awkwardly as he moves towards you and takes a seat beside you. 

“Hit the road, Nance.” Eddie hums, but not without looking back at you one more time, giving you a wink that doesn’t go unnoticed by Steve. 

He glances at you, though you turn away from him, blushing. 

Steve raises his eyebrows, still looking at you – so he isn’t the only one getting teased by the metalhead. 

That sparkle of hope lights up inside of him. And he doesn’t know how to feel about it because it grows fastly and strongly. 

When after a few minutes of the drive, you lay your head on his shoulder, his heart nearly combusts as his skin starts burning up. The little sparkle will quickly turn into a flame and then… what?

How will this end for him? 

He doesn’t want to think about it, he doesn’t want to worry. 

But it’s in his nature to worry, to drive himself crazy with the what if’s. 

But for now, he reaches for your hand and he intertwines his fingers with yours. 

The squeeze of your hand makes his heart flutter wildly and it shows him nothing but the fact that he is screwed, so very screwed. 

-

You have always heard about the harsh winters in Wyoming, the sudden snowstorms, the heavy wind, and extremely cold temperatures. Though you didn’t think that it would hit you so suddenly, the way it did, given the warmth of the sun you were grazed with earlier today. 

You’ve only spent three hours on the road before Nancy had to stop driving due to the worsening weather conditions. The snow started falling harder, making it difficult to see. Thunder started rumbling, the red lightning in the distance made you all a little anxious. 

She parked the RV on the side of the road, close to a sign leading to a town. Her and Eddie left to find shelter for the night but they had been gone for an hour now and the wind had picked up since.

You look out the window, bouncing your knee anxiously as the snow covers more and more of the road and the trees. 

The howling of the wind makes you feel slightly uneasy. You feel it, it’s causing the RV to sway, making the tires creak beneath you. 

Steve is pacing back and forth, unable to find rest, knowing his friends are out there and the storm is getting worse but you couldn’t all go together, it’s too risky to leave the RV standing on the side of the road. 

“They’ve been gone for an hour.” He stresses. 

“They’ll be fine.” You assure him as you pull away from the window and sit down on the bench. “It’s not that bad out yet. I’ve been stuck in worse storms.” You shrug, trying to act like you aren’t afraid, like he is. 

“Have you?” He asks softly, his eyes finding yours as he stops pacing. 

“Yeah. It was one of those storms.” You murmur as you gesture to the red lightning in the distance. 

Steve frowns as he glances at the sky. He knows that this means nothing good. The storm, the red lightning, means the town ahead of you is crawling with monsters. 

The thought that you have been stuck in one of those makes his heart clench in his chest. The thought that you could all get stuck in that again, makes him feel the paralyzing fear that he hates so much. 

“We should have kept driving.” He mumbles as he thinks of everything that could happen. 

“No, we could’ve gotten stuck right in there. We are still a good distance away from it, we just need a more stable… shelter for the night, and after that we can figure out how to avoid this area.” 

You are right, he knows it, yet he can’t stop his fear from spreading inside of him. 

The door bursts open, making both you and Steve flinch from the sudden noise. Nancy rushes in first. Her scarf is covering half of her face, her clothes are covered in white snow. She removes the scarf, revealing her red nose and her trembling lips. 

Eddie curses under his breath as he slams the door behind him and removes his scarf as well. “Jesus, it’s cold as shit!” He breathes as he rubs his hands together. His nose is glowing red too. 

“We found something.” Is all that Nancy says before she makes her way back into the driver's seat, not wasting any time to start the engine. 

Steve looks between her and Eddie with furrowed eyebrows. “Found what exactly?” 

Eddie keeps rubbing his hands together as he brushes past Steve and plops down into the passenger seat. “Big place with a garage and everything, we can leave the RV in there, no problem–”

Steve sits down beside you before Nancy starts driving. 

“Any infected?... Monsters?” 

Eddie shakes his head at him, “just one infected outside the gate, nothing else. We checked the area and the mansion–”

“Mansion!?” You ask, your eyes widen. 

Eddie chuckles at your reaction, he holds onto the back of Nancy’s seat as she drives down the road. He looks between you and Steve. “Yeah, the place hasn’t been touched in years, we checked inside as well. It’s clean, nothing except for dust in there.” 

“Yeah.” Nancy nods. “Looks like it was some sort of vacation house.” 

“Mhmm.” Eddie hums, his eyes flashing with something that you can’t read. “You’re gonna love it, Sweetheart.” 

“Why?” You tilt your head at him. 

“You’ll see,” he chuckles, wiggling his eyebrows at you. 

You and Steve look at each other, both frowning in confusion. He takes a deep breath and turns back to Eddie when the RV suddenly lurches forward. You begin to slip off your seat, gasping in surprise as you reach your hand out to grab the handle behind you, when you feel Steve’s heavy arm around your body. 

With his arm around your waist and your back pressed against his chest, he holds you tightly, saving you from the fall as he holds onto the table beside the bench you are both sharing. 

“Wheeler!” Eddie breathes, holding his hand to his chest as he stares at the girl gripping the steering wheel tightly. 

“Sorry! Must’ve been the infected!” She shrieks. 

You grab Steve’s wrist, holding on tightly even though the RV is moving normally again, driving smoothly. 

“Jesus!” Steve grumbles behind you as he turns around to face the two in the front. “You drove over an infected?” 

“I didn’t see it until it was too late!” Nancy snaps. 

“Doesn’t matter anyways, it was dead, it was also dead when I killed it.” Eddie shrugs as he settles back into his seat. “Now we know for sure! Nance sealed the deal!”

Nancy shakes her head at Eddie, huffing at him. 

The sound of your giggle fills the silence in the RV that followed after Eddie’s attempted joke. Steve freezes behind you, his hold only tightening around your body as his heart skips a beat. 

A smile tugs at Nancy’s lip as she glances at you again, watching the way you lean your head against Steve’s shoulder who is looking down at you like you are the sweetest thing to walk this tainted earth. 

“Oh man,” Eddie whispers quietly enough for only Nancy to hear. She narrows her eyes at him before she returns her attention back to the road. 

“Ten bucks she’ll make the first move,” Eddie murmurs as he leans closer to her. 

“Money has no worth anymore, Munson.” Nancy snorts. 

She straightens her back as she leans closer to the steering wheel, a soft smile appears on her face. “I’ll get you two packs of cigarettes if you’re right but I have faith that he’ll make the first move.” 

He is intrigued, he didn’t think that she would agree to this. A smirk tugs at his lip, he moves closer to her. 

“And what do you want if you win?”

Nancy hums, “a shotgun.” 

“Why did I even ask?” Eddie chuckles, shaking his head as he leans back again. 

“I don’t know, now shut up, I need to focus.” She mumbles. Her eyes squint as she drives through the snowstorm, getting heavier by the minute now, the sky darkening. She could almost sigh of relief when she saw her flashlight in the distance, guiding her towards the garage. It was her idea to leave it there, knowing she wouldn’t be able to see the roads with the falling snow.

You could still feel Steve’s arms around your waist as the RV kept swaying, and then, you felt a slight drop making you squeal and Steve’s grip only tightened as he cursed under his breath. Your eyes turned to the windows and it was pitch black. You frowned, slowly getting on your feet with Steve as Eddie got up from the passenger’s seat.

“Let’s lock ourselves up, and we’ll go inside.” You blinked a few times, looking down at your waist. Steve followed your eyes, and he ripped his hand off you, feeling himself burn in embarrassment from holding you even after you didn’t need holding anymore. He feels as if he had been caught red handed. 

“DON’T FORGET MY FLASHLIGHT!” Nancy yells as she sees Eddie walking out of the RV with a wave of his hand. She sighs, shutting down the RV and sighing out of exhaustion. “I can’t wait to just relax…”

She gets up from her seat and turns around to face you both. Instantly, her eyebrows furrow when she senses the sudden awkwardness as Steve is blushing furiously while trying to busy himself with taking out a few cans of food to take into the house. You are sitting down still, looking up at him with a flustered look on your face. 

She can’t help but chuckle. However, when you both turn to her, she covers it up with a cough. She takes a step towards the door and opens it. 

“Alright ladies and gentlemen, garage is locked.” Eddie’s voice echoes in the garage. “Let’s go inside! Sweets come on, you’re gonna wanna see this!” 

You jump up from your seat and make your way out the RV. It’s too dark in the garage to see anything, only the flashlight Eddie is holding lights up the space around you. 

“Come on,” he tilts his head into direction of the door which you assume leads into the house. 

Eddie is grinning at you as he opens the door. He uses his flashlight to guide you inside. You make your way inside, curiously looking around, but you can’t see much yet. 

“They have a generator in the basement, but we couldn’t find any gas.”  

“That’s fine, we can light up some candles and the fireplace if there is one.” You murmur as you walk further into the house with every step that you take. 

“Romantic.” Eddie chuckles as he turns around, pointing the flashlight at Steve, wiggling his eyebrows at him. 

The former jock only rolls his eyes in response. 

“Oh my god!” 

Your shriek startles everyone, but Eddie quickly recovers when he sees what you’re so excited about. 

“Give me that!” You rip the flashlight from his hand and point it at the wall, gasping.

You start jumping up and down, bouncing on your feet as you squeal in excitement.  

Steve steps closer to you, noticing how your eyes light up like the ones of a kid on christmas morning. His lips curl into a smile, a small chuckle falling from his lips.

The wall in the long hallway is decorated with cowboy hats and western style pictures, giving away the kind of people who lived here before. 

Nancy and Eddie laugh at your reaction as you stare at the collection of cowboy hats, already looking for your favorite one. 

“This is like Wayne’s collection except we were poor and these people were rich rich.” Eddie murmurs as he looks into the big living room. 

“Hey,” Nancy steps closer to you. “You wanna take a look in the closet upstairs? I think you’re gonna like it.” 

Your wide eyes meet hers, and even in the faint light, she can see the excitement swirling in your eyes. 

Steve doesn’t tear his eyes away from you, loving the genuine surprise in your features, the happiness that slowly makes its way into your eyes. 

“Looks like a couple lived here and they were gone before shit hit the fan,” Eddie mumbles behind you as he gestures to the plastic covers over the furniture but you aren’t even listening to him. Your eyes only light up even more as you stare at Nancy. 

Steve’s own eyes widen in surprise when he suddenly feels your hand holding his, and you begin to drag him away from the hallway and towards the big staircase in the middle, “come on, Stevie!” 

Nancy’s laughter echoes in the hallway, the look on Steve’s face is more than just amusing. 

“Stevie.” Eddie murmurs under his breath to her, chuckling softly. 

“Shush.” Nancy slaps his chest as she watches you both move up the stairs. “Come on.” 

“I knew she would love this.” Eddie smiles as he and Nancy follow you up onto the second floor, which they have checked out before already. “Do you think she’s gonna force Steve into a cowboy outfit?” 

“Is that even a question?” She chuckles. 

When Nancy mentioned a closet, you didn’t imagine it to be a walk-in closet, let alone one filled with clothes your heart desires the most. You look around with wide eyes, spotting the variety of cowboy boots on the shoe shelf, the leather jackets, the jeans and vests.

“Holy shit!” You whisper as you slowly let go of Steve’s hand. 

Steve squints his eyes as you walk away from him, leaving him in the dark as you use the flashlight to take a closer look at the clothes. 

“That is like a dream come true,” you whisper, putting the flashlight down to grab a pair of boots. “I wonder if these will fit me.” 

He leans against the wall as he watches you move around, his eyes soften, and a smile appears on his face. His heart melts, the tension slowly slips off his shoulders. It’s nice to see you like this again.

“Why don’t we dress up?” Eddie speaks from the doorway, smirking cockily at Steve, expecting him to shake his head though Steve only shrugs. 

“Are you kidding? Why do you even ask?” You exclaim as you start looking through the jeans, tapping off the layers of dust that have unfortunately covered the clothes. 

Eddie chuckles at your expression, at the bewildered look on your face. He steps closer to Steve and pats his shoulder, “why don’t we find you an outfit to impress the girl, cowboy?” He whispers to him. 

Steve glares at him, though only because his cheeks heat up at the thought of your reaction to him wearing something that you love. 

“Let’s do justice to your new nickname.” Eddie chuckles as he pushes him towards the side of the closet that has all the male clothing.

“Where is Nancy?” You frown, already picking out an outfit for her. 

“Looking for batteries for a table lamp.” Eddie explains. “Go on, get dressed, Sweets.” 

You shrug and turn your attention back to the clothes, picking out an outfit. You grab the pair of boots you liked the most before you start making your way out of the room. 

Steve’s eyes follow you until he can no longer see you, with a soft gaze and rosy cheeks. 

“Be right back, fellas!” Your giggle echoes in the hallway.

Eddie’s hand is still on Steve’s shoulder. His smirk bigger than it was before, eyes flashing with mischief. 

“Oh boy.” Eddie murmurs, enjoying Steve’s reaction already. “She’s adorable.” 

Steve's smile slowly falls, his expression hardens as he turns to face his friend. 

“Hey now, I didn’t mean it like that.” Eddie chuckles, his smirk never fading. “She’s all yours, man. Matter of fact, you can make her all yours tonight. We’re safe here, nothing’s out there and if there is, the storm will take care of it, nothing survives that shit out there,” Eddie points out the window, the snowstorm now raging stronger than before. 

Steve’s shoulders tense up again and he frowns, shaking his head. 

“Eddie–”

“Don’t. I know what I see, and I can see right through you. Whatever is going on in that big head of yours,” he pauses, flicking his forehead, making Steve frown harder. “Whatever is holding you back, delete that shit out of your brain, man. Don’t let her slip through your fingers. You waiting on that perfect moment? You got it now, perfect chance.” Eddie whispers, spreading his arms out as he gestures to the big space they’re standing in. “There’s even a king sized bed, you ain’t getting that opportunity again.”

“Dude.” Steve shakes his head, blushing at the last comment. 

“Don’t dude me,” Eddie sighs, rolling his eyes. He turns away from him and starts looking through the clothes. “Just watch the way she will drool when she sees you in… these… tight pants.” He murmurs as he hands him a pair of jeans, pressing them against his chest. 

Steve looks down, lifting his hand up slowly, and he grabs them, a sigh falling from his lips. 

“This is ridiculous–”

“Guys!” 

Eddie looks over Steve’s shoulder, taking a look at you. It’s dark in the room, the flashlight only gives little light but just enough to see you. His eyes widen, and he puts his hand back on Steve’s shoulder. 

“Tell me I look like a real cowgirl!” You giggle as you twirl around. 

Steve stares at you, not even blinking, not moving, not breathing. He is just staring. His lips are parted as he eyes you up and down. 

The jeans you are wearing are tight,hugging your curves, and your ass perfectly. The brown belt low on your hips. You could have chosen one of the many flannels in the closet, but you didn’t, instead you opted for a jean vest with a very low neckline. You buttoned it up, but it is still very open, very exposing – exposing to the point where he can see a little of your bra, the lace standing out underneath. You opened your hair, removed the hair ties around your braids. 

His eyes keep flickering between your ass and your chest, unable to look away. His stomach making somersaults at the look of you, his skin heating up beneath his clothes. 

“Well damn,” Eddie whistles at you, chuckling when you stand in front of the mirror and check yourself out with a squeal. “You look hot, Cowgirl.” He smirks, squeezing Steve’s shoulder. 

Steve swallows, unable to tear his eyes away from you. 

“What do you think!” You turn around, facing Steve. 

His eyes widen at your attention, his cheeks reddening underneath your gaze. He looks away from your chest and into your eyes, though finding it hard to after checking you out like a perv. 

“Y-You…” His voice breaks, which makes Eddie cackle behind him. Steve clenches his jaw, taking a deep breath. “You look amazing, Sunshine.” 

A giggle falls from your mouth and you bite your lip as you look down at the jeans in his hand, “come on, it’s your turn!” You smile excitedly, making your way towards him. “Let me pick out the rest of your outfit!” 

Steve and Eddie step aside, letting you do your thing. They both watch as you pick a flannel and a vest for him to wear. 

“You need any assistance, Eddie?” 

The metalhead chuckles, shaking his head as he keeps on watching Steve. 

“Nah, I got it. Just help this Cowboy here out.” 

Steve feels a little relieved when he finally gets to leave the room after you hand him the rest of his outfit. He takes a deep breath once out in the hallway, earning an amused smile from Nancy when she walks past him with the table lamp now in her hand. 

“You okay there?” She asks, glancing between his face and the clothes and boots in his arms. 

“Peachy.” He grumbles as he steps into the closest room he can find privacy in. 

Nancy can’t help but chuckle, already sensing what she will walk into. She steps inside the walk-in closet, lighting up the room with the lamp she found. Her eyes widen when she notices your new outfit. 

“Oh wow! You– Your ass looks amazing in those pants!” Nancy gushes over you, looking you up and down. 

A laugh falls from Eddie’s lips when he sees how flustered you get. 

“Nancy isn’t the only one who thinks that.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “You should keep them.” 

“Eddie!” You huff, slapping his shoulder. But you can’t fight the blush off your cheeks, thinking about how he might have checked you out. 

“Just telling the truth.” He cackles, stepping away from you and towards the hallway. “I’ll be right back, I got the best one.” 

Nancy crosses her arms over her chest, shaking her head at him with a smile. She takes a seat on one of the armchairs and glances at you. 

“Aren’t you cold?” She asks, eying your exposed arms. 

“I am, but I wanna enjoy this moment in this pretty vest.” You say, turning back towards the mirror. “Are you not gonna get changed?” 

Nancy shakes her head, “nope and don’t even try to convince me, this is not my style. It looks amazing on you though.” 

You pout at her, “not even a pair of boots?” 

She shakes her head, “I’m satisfied with my own. I’ll take a look at the rest of the clothes though, I’m sure there’s something other than western stuff, right?” 

“Let’s take a look.” You shrug. You busy yourself with the big closet, standing next to each other as you look through the drawers. 

Nancy opens another one, her eyes widening. 

“Wow.” Nancy whispers, blushing as she pulls out a thong. “You want those?”

You narrow your eyes, glancing at the lace in her hand. 

“Wear them during one of your cuddle sessions with Steve,” she giggles, wiggling her eyebrows at you the way Eddie always does. 

“Nancy! You are sounding just like Eddie.” You whisper and grab it from her hand, making her chuckle. You shake your head at her, cheeks burning. 

The floorboards creak in the doorway, causing you both to look over your shoulders. Your eyes widen as Nancy gasps. 

Eddie stands there, hair hanging loosely down his shoulders, cowboy hat on his head. He is wearing a black leather vest with nothing underneath, his tattoos and his scars on full display. You look down and you can’t help but laugh loudly. The leather pants are a little too tight on his crotch, leaving no room for imagination. 

“Ew, Munson! I can see your dick!” Nancy screeches and covers her eyes. 

Eddie walks over to the mirror, ignoring her reaction. A wide smile appears on his face as he checks himself out the way you did before. 

“Oh, I am definitely taking these! My sweetheart will love this!” 

You giggle at both his and Nancy’s reaction. 

“Don’t ever wear this in front of me again!” Nancy stresses, turning back towards the closet with red cheeks. 

“I’m wearing them now, Wheeler.” Eddie mumbles, not paying attention to her. “Just don’t look at my dick, perv.” 

“Fuck off.” 

You can’t help but shake your head in amusement at their interaction. 

“I think I get it now, Sunshine. I’m kind of digging this.” Steve mumbles, appearing in the doorway. 

You turn around to face him, opening your mouth to speak, though before you can even utter a single word, your breath gets caught in your throat and your eyes widen at the sight of him in this getup. Your lips part and a weird sensation rushes through your body as you take him in. 

He left the shirt under his vest unbuttoned at the top, showing off his chest hair. You eye the scar around his neck, taking a quick glance at his face to see him staring back at you already. You bite your lip without noticing as you take in the way the jeans hug him, the way the vest looks on him, the boots. 

He doesn’t even look dressed up, it just looks… good on him. 

Your heart flutters as he brings his hand up and runs it through his hair. 

You take a deep breath, sighing softly as you tilt your head. This is it, this is your cowboy. 

Nancy presses her lips together, holding back her laugh when she notices the way you stare at him. 

And Eddie, he only shakes his head at how obvious you are. 

“So…” Steve murmurs, smiling as he finally looks up. “What do you think, Sunshine?” 

You blink. 

Steve raises his eyebrows at you. He places his hands on his hips, eying your expression. Satisfaction grows strongly inside of him when he sees how flustered and speechless you are. 

Eddie looks between the two of you, his lips curling into a smirk. 

“Do you like what you see?” Steve adds, tilting his head down towards you. 

Finally, you blink yourself out of your stupor. Your whole body is burning up now, your lower stomach tingling, your knees weaken. 

“I-I… you look… you look—“

Nancy cringes a little at your stuttering, knowing that you are dying inside. 

“Yeah, Stevie looks hot doesn’t he?” Eddie chuckles, taking pity on you. “But not even he can beat this.” He gestures to himself, which luckily forces Steve’s attention away from you and towards him. 

Steve eyes him, his smirk falling as his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Dude…” He grumbles. “Are you trying out for your next job or…?” 

Nancy bursts out laughing, nodding. “I did see a dancing pole somewhere in here, might as well practice.” She jokes. 

Eddie’s smirk only widens at their teasing, “I would make a good stripper.” 

While the three of them continue to joke about Eddie’s potential stripper career, you are still staring at the pretty brunette, feeling taken aback by the effect he has on you. You have been attracted to people before, your ex-boyfriend for one, but it was never like this. He never stole your breath, he never made you feel weak in the knees, he never made your heart beat so strongly, not even when he broke it. 

You are screwed and it scares you a little. 

Your heart flutters strongly when he offers his arm out to you, acting charming. 

“Care to join me for dinner ‘round the fire, ma’am?” Steve attempts to imitate a southern accent. 

Your eyes widen and a surprised giggle falls from your lips. 

His eyes light up, his rosy cheeks glowing beneath the golden light of the table lamp. 

You hook your arm around his, biting your lip as you step closer to him, “why yes, sir. Do you have a horse to take me there?” You play along, using the same accent.

Steve chuckles as he leads you out of the room, grabbing the flashlight on the way out. 

Nancy watches you both leave the room with a smile on her face. 

“He sure does have one.” Eddie murmurs under his breath, chuckling. 

Nancy’s smile falls and she rolls her eyes at him, slapping his chest. 

“Why do you always have to be so gross?”

-

The fireplace in the living room is burning brightly, lighting up the room in a golden glow, the wood is crackling, music is playing softly from the radio Eddie had carried inside before dinner earlier.

You hear the howling of the wind outside and look out the window every once in a while to make sure that nothing followed you out here but both Nancy and Eddie keep repeating that you are safe for the night, that nothing will come even close to this mansion without getting stopped by the storm raging outside. 

They are right, you know they are but the red lightning in the distance makes you feel a little unsettled knowing that you might have to go through there tomorrow. 

“I have a proposition to make.” 

You push away from the window and draw the curtains close again, turning around, you face Eddie. 

He had changed into a different outfit earlier, a comfier one but you saw him stuffing the leather pants and vest into his backpack. 

Steve who had been looking at you, sitting close to the fire, tears his gaze away from you and glances at Eddie who is keeping one arm behind his back. 

“What is it?” Nancy murmurs without looking away from a book she found. 

Eddie grins as he reveals the whiskey bottle that he had been hiding behind his back. 

“Before anyone protests, I would like to remind you that this might be the only opportunity we have to relax and have some much needed fun.” He says, holding back a smirk as he looks between you and Steve. “We are safe here, you guys know we are, and we don’t know when we’ll ever get such an opportunity again.” 

Steve’s eyes find yours again. 

“You two deserve it especially.” He points between you. “You guys need to let loose.”

Nancy clears her throat and sits up on the sofa. 

“I think we all deserve to let loose. If these two are getting drunk, then so are you and I, Munson.” 

Eddie’s eyes widen in surprise, he turns to face her, “Wheeler, you never fail to impress me.” 

“Like you said, we’re safe here,” she shrugs. “And if anything happens, I’m an even better shooter when I’m drunk.” 

Eddie chuckles at her confidence. “Alright then,” he murmurs, turning back to you, he raises his eyebrows. 

You look between him and the whiskey bottle. The desire to forget about everything for a moment, to let loose, to have fun, is so strong. 

“You’re feeling better now, Sweets. You can drink,” he grins, tilting his head to the side. “Cowboy doc over there won’t say no, not tonight, am I right?” 

Steve licks his lips, taking a deep breath as he takes in the desire in your eyes. 

“No.” He shakes his head. 

“Okay…” You murmur, nodding. “But only if Steve drinks too.” 

“Oh, Sweetheart,” Eddie chuckles as he makes his way back to the bar in the corner of the room. “He’s already made his decision.” 

You make your way towards Steve, giving him a small smile as you sit down next to him. Nancy grabs a blanket and a pillow to sit on, throwing it down across from you, she plops down on it, giving you a curious smile, “when’s the last time you got drunk?” 

Eddie sits down beside her and places the cups on the ground. Opening the whiskey bottle, he fills them all up. 

“Uh… well, I haven’t had a single sip since all this shit had started,” you shrug, squinting your eyes. “Can’t even remember when that was.” 

Steve eyes your side profile, watching the way your dimple appears in your cheek when you smile. Your skin looks so soft beneath the golden light. There’s a scar forming from where you have been hit, he traces it every night, like he wants to cover the painful memory with another one – the way you do to him with his own scars. 

“Happy drunk or sad drunk?” 

You grab the cup and tilt your chin down as you raise it up to your lips, smelling the alcohol. 

“Happy drunk.” 

“Good, good.” Eddie nods. “This is gonna be fun then.” 

Steve pulls his knee up to his chest, grabbing the cup Eddie pushed towards him, he presses his hand against the floor, close to where yours is resting. 

“Do you get drunk quickly?” Steve asks as his fingers brush against yours. 

“Hmm, given the fact that I haven’t had any alcohol in over a year… probably yeah.” You nod. “But I am no lightweight usually!” 

Steve chuckles softly, finding you endearing. 

“Whatever you say, Honey.” 

Your cheeks heat up, and you look away from him, which makes his smile widen even more. The urge to tuck your hair behind your ear is growing strong. 

“Let’s drink!” Nancy cheers. 

Steve’s eyes stay on you, watching how you raise the cup to your lips and how you knock back the whiskey in one go, not even scrunching up your face in disgust. He gulps down his own and scoots closer to you, patting you on the back softly. 

“Atta girl.” 

You try to not feel affected by his words or his soft touch but it’s hard not to, especially when he speaks to you like that. 

You know this won’t be the only moment tonight that will make you feel weak in the knees, and you know that getting drunk might not be the best idea here, especially now with your feelings being so overwhelming. 

But you don’t care because one drink turns into two, two into three, and then into four. By the time Eddie is pouring your fifth cup, you have gone into a complete state of bliss. A permanent smile is stuck on your face, giggles fall from your lips at every joke made. 

And Steve feels no different, he is in the same state as you are. You have both scooted closer to each other, leaning towards one another every time you burst into laughter. His hand finds yours every time you fall into a fit of giggles at some stupid joke Eddie makes or tells a story from the past.

And in your drunken haze, you grow a little more confident, a little more daring, though waiting for an opportunity when it ends with just the two of you. It doesn’t take long for that to happen because soon Nancy passes out with her head on Eddie’s lap, the latter leaning against the couch, slowly falling asleep as well. The two of them too tired from driving all day. 

But you and Steve are far from it, not interested in sleeping at all. He is the first to get up, keeping his balance even with the alcohol in his system. He grabs the whiskey bottle that is half empty now. 

“Come on, Sunshine.” He whispers, turning to face you with a lazy smirk on his face. He reaches his hand down to you, “let’s get out of here.”

You giggle, gazing up into his eyes. Your heart flutters at the sight of his messy hair. His cheeks are rosy, sleeves rolled up, revealing all the veins in his arms. 

“Where are you taking me, sir?” You whisper as you put your hand in his and let him pull you up onto your feet. Your blanket falls off your shoulders, and you leave it on the ground, not caring to take it with you. 

“We’re gonna explore, Cowgirl.”

You giggle at that and he quickly moves his finger towards your lips, shushing you. “We don’t wanna wake them up.”

Your eyes widen, though a smirk tugs at your lips, “why, do you want me all to yourself?” You whisper, your head tilting to the side. 

All the worry, all those insecurities, all those what if’s that were coursing through his mind before are gone at this moment, and he can’t find it in himself to care to hold back. A part of him feels confident, the other intrigued, and the biggest part of him feels desire and yearning for this, for you. 

“What if I do?” He murmurs as his eyes flicker between your eyes and your lips, expecting you to get flustered, but instead, you take another step closer to him. 

“Well, you got me all to yourself now.”

Steve hums, his stomach flipping at your comment. He takes your hand, squeezing it as he smiles at you, “come on.”

You both tip toe out of the room, making sure not to wake either of them. You step out into the hallway, trying not to step on any creaking floorboards. 

“Where to first?” Steve whispers as he grabs the flashlight from his back pocket after handing you the bottle of whiskey. You instantly raise it up to your lips, taking a swig. 

“Hey now,” he shakes his head at you, “easy with the whiskey, little lady.” 

You can’t help but giggle at the deep tone in his voice and at the plastered frown on his pretty face. You take a step away from him, not letting go of his hand just yet. 

“Or what?” You raise your eyebrows. 

Steve lowers his eyebrows, a suggestive look flashing in his features. His eyes follow the drop of whiskey that rolls down your chin. Sober Steve would think about it but not do it, drunk Steve acts on his feelings though – he steps forward and brings his hand up to your face, cupping your cheek as he wipes away the drop of whiskey. 

Your breath gets caught in your throat at his action. Your stomach flipping with excitement and desire. You sink your teeth into your lower lip as you look into his eyes. 

Everything happened so quickly, so suddenly. It went from zero to one hundred. You don’t even know how it happened, how you went from shy touches to this but you aren’t complaining, not when he looks at you like this, not when he touches you like this, not when you see the chance of something more happening between you. 

The alcohol in your system makes this feeling between you so much stronger, like you threw fuel into the fire and the flames are burning higher and brighter now. 

Steve is looking at your lips, you are looking at his. All it would take is for one of you to make a move, just one step closer, just one. 

You aren’t your usual selves tonight, barely anything is holding you back and yet, the smallest part, the smallest voices in your heads, manage to break this moment apart. You don’t know who pulls away first, but a few seconds later, you are moving through the hallway again, still hand in hand. 

“I’ll pick out a hat for you.” You whisper to him, looking up at the collection of cowboy hats on the wall. 

“You don’t wanna wear one?” Steve asks, looking down at you. 

“No, I want you to wear one.” 

Steve aims the flashlight at the wall, though he isn’t looking at the hats, he is looking down at you. His heart thumping strongly, his stomach burning in desire. A mixture of emotions rushing through him. 

He watches the way your eyelashes flutter, the way you keep biting on your lip, the way you scrunch your nose up at certain hats. Steve swallows, the desire growing stronger with each passing second. Then his eyes move down to your neck, to the very revealing vest on your body, the black lace peeking out, your skin, your boobs–

“This one!” 

Steve blinks, swallowing harshly as you pull him out of his stupor. 

“I can’t reach it!” You pout as you look back at him, still holding your arm out towards the black hat. 

Steve doesn’t even think before he moves. He puts the flash light down and grabs the bottle of whiskey from your hand, placing it down on the ground as well before he steps up behind you. “I got it,” Steve murmurs into your ear, his lips getting caught in your hair. Instead of just taking the hat himself, he grabs your hips and he lifts you up with ease. 

You almost squeal in surprise, but you manage to hold it back. Your body heats up, burning like the flames in the fireplace, but you enjoy the moment, a little too much. His hands are big, his arms strong – you always knew, but this is making everything in you flutter. 

“Got it,” you giggle as you grab the hat off the hook. 

Steve puts you down again but he doesn’t let go of your hips just yet. His thumbs brush against your bare skin between your vest and your belt. Your skin is so soft, and you smell so sweet, so intoxicating. Your scent drives him crazy, every night when he goes to sleep with you, every morning when he wakes up with you in his arms but now… now it all feels more intense. 

His touch makes you feel weak, it brings out feelings in you that weren’t there before. And when you feel his breath on your neck, his nose in your hair, you almost lose it. Almost. You take a deep breath and turn around to face him. His hands are still holding your hips, grip never loosening. 

You bat your eyelashes at him as you rise up on your tippy toes, holding eye contact as you bring your hand up to fix his messy hair, the bang sticking up. 

His grip tightens on you in response, the feeling of your hands in his hair doing things to him that he can’t even explain. 

“There,” you whisper as you place the hat on his head. “Pretty Cowboy.”

Despite the cocky smirk appearing on his face, he also feels the heat spreading, feeling himself blushing, strongly. His heart skipping in his chest at your compliment. If only he could act upon his desire – he is already doing so, but still holding back. 

“Come on,” you whisper, reaching for his hand again. You bend down and retrieve the stuff from the floor. You press the whiskey bottle into his free hand and keep the flashlight in yours.

Steve tries to not look at your body when you walk up the stairs before him, but it’s hard not to do that when you move your hips the way you do, when your ass looks so good in those tight jeans. 

He swallows harshly, his eyes glued to you. His lower stomach flutters, and his breathing turns shaky. His desire for you had always been there, but never like this. The more he gets a taste of what it could be like to have you, the more his hunger grows. 

You make your way through the darkened hallway upstairs, finding a room that looks like it used to be an art room once. 

“Oh wow…” You breathe as you walk in further, eying all the drawings on the table, the paintings on the wall. You let go of Steve’s hand and pick up one of the wooden sculptures. 

Steve already misses the touch of your hand but he lets you explore the room. He looks around as well, noticing the camera on the shelf. He makes his way towards it, squinting his eyes because of the darkness in this room. He blows the dust off and picks it up, surprised to see it still turning on. He puts down the whiskey bottle, giving his entire focus to the camera. 

He polishes the camera lens with the sleeve of his flannel. He glances at you to see you standing close to the window now, the light of the flashlight kissing your features subtly. A smile tugs at his lips when your eyes light up. You look so beautiful. He raises the camera up, squinting one eye as he tries to get the perfect shot of you. 

You are so focused on the sculpture shaped into a horse that you don’t even hear the snap going off. 

“This is so nice,” you smile, putting down the sculpture. You turn to face Steve. Your eyes widen in surprise when you see the polaroid camera in his hand, not even noticing how he stuffed something into his back pocket. “Oh my god!” 

You rush towards him, taking the camera from his hand. 

“I’ve been looking for one everywhere!” You gasp, turning it in your hand. “Is it still working?” 

“Try it.” He smiles innocently. 

Your eyes flash with excitement as you take a step back. Bringing the camera up to your face, you aim it at him. “Perfect, now I get to keep a reminder of this.”

Steve chuckles. The never fading blush stays on his cheeks as he poses just for you. Not in a million years would he act this goofy with anyone. But he does it for you. So he holds the edge of his hat, almost tipping it as if saluting the camera, and his right hand is hooked on one of the belt loops of his pants. He hears the camera shutter going off, and you are smiling widely, bouncing on your feet as you hold your hand to the device to grab the picture developing already.

Once in your possession, you look at it in awe as you shake it, fanning it so it develops faster, and soon enough, your cowboy appears in the picture. He was born to wear these clothes. He sure is going to kill you someday. Your heart can barely handle it right now, but maybe the alcohol is helping with that one. The camera gets taken out of your hands, making you look at Steve, who is smirking already, a dangerous smirk that almost sends your knees to the floor.

You are startled when you feel a hat being placed on your head, his hat, and your thighs clench. You giggle a bit as you bite your bottom lip, your eyes finding his through your eyelashes, your hand stuffing the picture into your backpocket.

“Do you know the hat rule?” He tilts his head in question, a lazy smile on his lips, his body dangerously close as he moves a strand of your hair behind your ear. His voice almost a whisper.

“Why don’t you tell me?” He honestly doesn’t know what you are talking about but he also doesn’t even know when he got this close to you. He didn’t realize it. He also didn’t realize how his fingers were playing with your belt, and how your fingertips were running up and down his arms, almost without your knowledge.

“No, it’s more like… something that has to be shown.” Your eyes are fluttering and his chest is brushing with your own body and his lips are some tippy toes away. Your heart is hammering in your chest thanks to your emotions, to the alcohol, and to the heavy tension that hangs in the air, that hangs between the two of you. 

He wobbles in his place for a second, dizzy by just looking down at you. How bad leaning down could be?

But a rough rattling makes the two of you jump in your place, something having hit the side of the house and you wouldn’t be surprised it was either a tree or an infected. He steps away from you, feeling a bit more awkward than courageous now. He had to change the situation back to friendly. He had to. He points at you with the camera, a smile on his lips.

“Pose for me, cowgirl.” You smile widely, heading a few steps back, heading towards the large porcelain horse sculpture in the corner. Steve frowns because, when did that spawn? He shrugs, following you until he sees you pose, holding onto the horse that is standing on two of its feet. He snorts when you pretend to give the horse a kiss, and is that jealousy he feels for a piece of inanimate porcelain?

He swallows when you pull your vest down tighter, a more provocative pose. More skin of yours being revealed, more of your flesh that he wants to touch. He takes a picture and he is trying to think of something else to distract you from taking that last one for himself. He pretends to jump and turn around in his place. 

“What’s in the other rooms? I wonder if Eddie went into one of those.” He lies as he moves away and you jump up, rushing to get the whiskey bottle and following Steve as he holds the flashlight and camera. 

“Wait for me!” You whine. Steve is biting his bottom lip as he looks at the developing picture in the same hand he holds the flashlight. Mission accomplished. He sees you rush forward in front of him and– His eyes stuck to your ass again. You really should stop moving like this. Today is not the best day for you to show off that you look this good in tight jeans.

He sees you open the door from the room that is next to the one you two were just in. 

“Holy fuck…” A plastic wrap covers the entirety of it, protecting it from dust, bugs and humidity. Your eyes open like plates as well, sighing in surprise as you approach the massive mattress. 

Your hands immediately grab onto the plastic and you start ripping it off. Steve walks over to the dresser, wiping the surface off before placing the camera and then the flashlight on it, making it face the ceiling to turn it into a pretend lamp. It is very dim, but it works. He wobbles towards you, helping you with the weight of the plastic wrap. He almost tumbles a few times, which only makes you giggle. Once the plastic is off, you get on the bed, standing in the middle of it with your knees. 

“Sunshine–?” His voice gets cut off when you start bouncing, your hips going up and down and up and down, and your breasts and your body and– 

“Oh, this wasn’t made just for sleeping!” You giggle as if unaware of the images you just gave him. The fucking fantasies that flashed in his mind in a milisecond. You had just conjured images of yourself in many positions and with much less clothes than you had now, and you managed all that by just bouncing on a bed. 

He has to focus. The alcohol is making it all go south. It is going faster by the minute, and he is afraid of not being able to stop it. He feels sweaty, suffocated, and then you plop down on the bed with a huff, taking off the hat, you throw it on the bedside table. Laying on that bed would not be a good idea. Drunk Steve should leave. Drunk Steve should look away. Drunk Steve should leave you alone for the night.

But he can’t control himself. He wants to be near you. He wants to be close to you. So he lies down next to you, looking up at the ceiling. His head starts spinning in a good way, and oh fuck, he is sure having a hangover tomorrow. 

“I’m so fucking drunk that I feel so good, Stevie…” You mumble out, and he smiles, nodding.

“Me too.” He turns on his side to look at you properly, and you are still looking up.

“Does sex feel this good too? I imagine it does.” Your question catches him off guard. Sober Steve would have become nervous and wouldn’t have known what to properly say. He hums, making you look at him.

“It depends.”

“Depends?”

“Mhm. You can have sex, sure, but if the other person only cares for their own pleasure and is selfish? Kinda sucks. Or sex without feelings, that also sucks too.” You are caught off guard by his answer, making you turn on your side to face him. Despite the wide bed, you two are close, too close. Maybe one hand away from each other.

“So, you never had sex just because?” You ask, and he chuckles, nodding.

“I have, that’s why I can tell you that sex like that sucks.” You blink a few times, feeling a lump in your throat. Your head is spinning, and your heart is singing, and you don’t know if it is nausea or butterflies in your belly, but maybe it is a mix.

“And… would you do it again?” His eyes find yours at your question, and one of the qualities alcohol had was that it made you honest.

“Sex without feelings?... No. I wouldn’t, Sunshine.” And for some reason, that answer of his made you want to sigh out of relief. But the answer made you think a bit more, your eyes moving down from his.

“I wouldn’t do it normally… but I don’t think there’s another way for me to experience it… So I guess I would.” His heart plummeted at that. You would give your virginity away if the situation were to present itself. He felt his throat closing up at the thought of it, and rationally he should not care. Rationally, he should nod at it, and if it happened, good for you.

But fuck does he feel sick thinking of the possibility of another man touching you.

The horrible thought gets interrupted when you let out a big sigh, your eyes slowly closing.

“I hope my kids don’t get to see this, the world as it is now.” Your words shock him, making him raise up using his elbow for support, which kind of makes him dizzy.

“You… what kids?” You open your eyes to find his alarmed ones, making you giggle as you shake your head.

“I don’t have kids now! I meant– I meant my future kids, if medicine allows me to have them.” Your giggle dies down when you find him just staring at you. You feel a little intimidated and shy, making you pout. “I like the idea of having kids, sue me! I’m 22 years old!”

His heart becomes a furnace of pure warmth with your words, making his mind feel a little foggy, a little heavy. His eyes drift down for a second towards your belly… just one second. Fuck, oh no.

“I didn’t say anything, I was just surprised.” You see him lay back down with a sigh, staring up at the ceiling. “I want kids too. Six, to be exact.” 

“SIX!?” You yell, the emotion coming out naturally at the surprise. 

"I know, I know, it's a lot and the world isn't the best place to be right now but... I just want a big family. I always did.” He admits to you for the first time. Your eyes are looking at his profile, your mind filled with possibilities, with images of a future that started including little details you never expected.

"That sounds... nice. A big house... with a pool. A dog. Maybe one set of them are twins..." You start with your rambling, your eyes looking up at the ceiling as the image forms right in front of your eyes. Steve smiles, as if connected to you, as if he could see what you were imagining.

"Get to take them to the lake. Buying a suv." You giggle at those words, but nodding nonetheless. He follows you with a chuckle, looking at you at the same time you turn your head to look at him.

"Can't forget the family movie nights." He nods at that, and his voice starts lowering, his stomach flipping into itself as the words slip out of his lips before he could contain them.

"Yeah... and then when the kids are all sleeping, I can finally be alone with... my wife, partner. Have that solitude for each other." And you hum for a minute in thought, not realizing how Steve was looking at you.

"Honestly, with six kids? I think the one thing I would do is sleep." And you giggle but Steve keeps looking at you. Just looking at you.

"Yeah... you would definitely sleep." Steve smiles, still staring at you, never looking away from you, not even when he catches himself thinking of that future with you. Of walking into the living room after putting the last kid to bed, ready to spend the night on the couch with you, only to find you sleeping. The image of that is so endearing to him. His warm smile widens, his chest flutters with warmth. 

You close your eyes, humming at his words. A lazy, yet happy smile lingers on your face as you move closer to him, searching for his warmth, for his touch. 

“You getting tired, sleepy head?” He whispers, his eyes softening as he watches you snuggle up against him. 

You only nod in response. 

Your hand brushes against his, and he looks down, moving without thinking. He envelopes your hand in his, pressing his larger palm against your own. 

You open your eyes, and you are so close now that your nose almost brushes against his. Your breath hitches in your throat as his own does too. 

Steve’s eyes flicker across your face, staying on your lips for longer than they should, for it to mean nothing, for it to be friendly. You look down at his lips too, craving them on your own so badly. 

Your heart skips a beat. You want to kiss him, you want to kiss him so badly. And everything in the way he looks at you, in the way he squeezes your hand as he finally entwines his fingers with your own, tells you that he wants it too. 

And yet, neither of you make the final move. 

Neither of you step over the line that you both want to cross so badly. 

But you won’t lie and say that all his reactions, all his actions tonight, didn’t fill you with confidence. 

For tonight, you move closer, giving him one last smile and a squeeze to his hand before you curl into him, snuggling against his body and tucking your head under his chin. And your confidence only grows when he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you, to squeeze you, and pull you into his embrace. 

And then… he presses his lips to the top of your head, and your final decision is made. 

So maybe you won’t kiss him tonight, but you will kiss him tomorrow. 

☀︎

taglist: @prettyboyeddiemunson @pretentious-blonde @thecreelhouse @tvserie-s-world @thesickestqrmydcll @crispystarfishhottub @sophal22 @definitionwanderlust @talkativecarnation @mysticalwoolenfroglegs @ariesandwolves @mortqlprojections @sattlersquarry @sherrylyn0628 @purpleeyeswithgoldensparkles @micheledawn1975 @keepingitlokiii @littleromanoff2005 @sunshine-mrk @xxladymjxx @bananasplits-world @myharrington

[lynnie-s3all]

If your requests are still open, could I request some Survivor!reader x John Doe headcanons(angst).

Reader used to know John before he became heavily corrupted. Now reader just feels disgusted about what happend to John.

i was bawling my eyes out over one song by conan gray, i had to make a small drabble out of this shit.

Ofc the one i wrote might be a lil bit of you having a crush on John, probably.

The cut that always bleeds.

I made the doodle... ITS UGLY OKAY-

You we're one of his friend, the closest one of all. Even though had a crush on him, but you never confessed it, you just kept it a secret. You've been through his days talking, hanging out, and even joining in to celebrate his wedding with his new wife.

It was fun while it lasted. But the sudden feeling that you had to do something about that feeling had left you and you weren't sure what to do. You still talked and hung around, but now when he'd look over and smile at you your heart would race. You wanted more, and not just from him, but also for him to return some of the feelings. You knew that you couldn't tell him how you felt, but it might be the best to leave that feeling alone.

Now, the feeling of it is just gone. You were stuck inside a world, with several survivors trying to defend themselves from the killer. You don't know who it was, then it started to scratch you. It hurts. You can feel your blood flowing into your veins. The pain is too much for you, and yet you try to keep going. You ran away from that certain killer, unable to look who it was, because your vision was blurry. Thankfully, there was a medkit. You got it, and bandaged up your arm. It felt numb after you put them on, but it wasn't bleeding anymore.

You went up to Elliot, who was dead worried about the others, but he was relieved to found you and you stayed by his side. You glanced at the killer, realizing that it was not what you think it is. It's your friend, John Doe. But why was he doing this? Why did he have to kill so many people? Your thoughts are running wild, and it takes everything inside of you to just keep breathing. You don't want to die by the hands of his.

Elliot was looking at you and saw your state. He grabbed your hand and led you somewhere safe, but you stayed there. Just looking at your only friend who's trying to murder your other friends. "Why?" You ask with tears streaming down your face.

You felt disgusted. You don't think he even remembers you anymore, the fact that he hit you with his claws and made you bleed. He looks at you with blank eyes and said nothing. You thought he was going to kill you, but he didn't. He knew that inside of his mind, you looked similar to someone he knows. Then, he turned away from you to kill the others.

You were devastated. You knew he wouldn't remember you, and you thought maybe, maybe if you were there to help him, but now he's corrupted. You felt helpless. It was like your friend was trying to kill himself and the only person who could stop him was gone. You wanted to help him, but you had no idea what you could do. You wanted to help him, but he wouldn't even allow you to approach him.

Elliot was still beside you, and you kneel down on the patch of grass, just hugging him out for some comfort. He wrapped his arms around you and you both just sat there holding each other. He doesn't say anything else. It was enough for you. Both of you waited until the timer runs out.

Legit the whole round Elliot was comforting you.

[briefalpacashark]

~Ghost of the past~

When returning to your hometown you faced with some unpleasant memories.

================================================

You stared. Your eyes locked on the projection in front of you. You sat with the boys all in a little meeting room as Price walked you through your next mission.

“Australia?” Soap asked.

“That's right. We got a lead that there a weapons cache. One of makarovs. We head in. Clear it out and take a few prisoners for questioning,” Price explained.

“Excited to go home lass?” You looked over the photos of the familiar landscape. Your expression was blank as you comprehend what Price was telling you.

“Lass?” Everyone's attention turned to you. 

“Huh?” You asked, snapping out of your little trance.

“You alright?” Gaz asked, giving your side a little nudge. Your usual bright smile graced your lips as you leaned back in the chair.

“Of course. Sorry Jonny. Was in my own little world. Whadya say?” you asked. You could feel it. The anxiety creeping up your spine. Ticking the back of your ribs.

“Asked if ya excited to go home?” Soap repeated with a grin. You smiled bashfully nodding your head.

“Of course. Where about we going?” you asked Price. He smiled warmly happy with what he was about to tell you.

“We're actually going to your old base, you got family down there, don't you?” he asked. The fear gripped your lungs, stopping any hope of breathing. You nodded.

“You got any hot sisters?” Soap asked. You chuckled, shaking your head. 

You were going home?

“Sorry Jonny. Only got a brother,” you said.

“Damn,” he faked disappointment as Gaz chuckled. Price smiled at the interaction.

“Who we working with?” you asked. 

“Australian special forces. Not sure what team yet,” he stated. 

That's fine. You thought. There were plenty of special forces units. The chances of meeting your old team were slim. But it was still there. You nodded, readjusting in your seat. You could feel the room getting small. The air getting thicker. You didn't take anything else in after that. Your forced smile stayed upon your lips the entire time. And inside your mind was a mess. A storm of past events that had haunted you for many a day and in the dark of night when you searched for sleep. 

“Doc want to come up here and give us a brief. We’ll be out in the bush and Laswell said you might know an insider's thing or two,” he gestured you up. All the fear and anxiety you felt was pushed way down low, locked away and covered in a black curtain. After all there was no use in worrying about something you couldn't change.

“Alright,” You cracked your knuckles slaughtering over to the white board.

“Rule number one!” You took a marker writing the word death in big letters.

“Anything and everything can and will try to kill you. And when I mean everything, I mean everything. No matter what, check your boots every time before you put them on. One bite from a funnel web and you're dead,” You took on a half joking half serious tone as you slapped the board.

“I can almost guarantee that you will come across a snake. Half of them are venomous, the other half aint. But they both will leave you alone if you leave them alone. You see a snake, you stay still, let him pass and then walk away. DO! NOT! PESTER! THE WILDLIFE! They can and will fuck you up,” the boys grinned as you emphasised the next words.

“Rule number two,” You wrote the word etiquette.

“When meeting someone or walking past someone you will be asked this question. Howya goin? Translated, it means how are you going. This is not a question. It is not an innovation to have a conversation. This is a greeting. The only appropriate response to this greeting are as follows,

Not to bad.

Could be better.

Good mate.

You can then have the option to say, yourself? It gives them the option to answer the same question. Do not feel offended if they dont answer,” You stated. 

“You will be called every name under the god damn sun. You will be called a cunt. It can be used as the greatest sign of affection and the greatest insult. It's all based on how they say it. Pay attention to the tone,” you said.

“You haven't called us cunts before. That mean you don't love us?” Soap asked.

“Speak for yourself,” Price spoke up. You grinned, turning back to the board. 

“Do not call anyone champ. That is the worst insult you can give, it will get you punched,” you wrote the word champ and put a larger x across it.

“If you are driving and someone gives way to you, always and I mean always give them a nod and a two-finger wave,” you explained demonstrating the movement.

“And for the love of god beware the drop bears,” you took a deathly serious tone as you wrote the word.

“The fuck is a drop bear?” Gaz asked. You turned staring deeply into their souls,

“They're about as big as a dog. Corse grey fur, one the most vicious animals you will meet down under. They hide in trees and drop down on unsuspecting prey, on unsuspecting people. They'll rip you to shreds faster than any of the bears here. Tear your face right of the bone” Inside you were howling with laughter as the flashes of fear you saw in the boys' faces. “Alright, that about covers it. Follow those rules and you should be fine,” You smiled cheerily.

On the flight over you found yourself staring deeply at the other side of the cargo area. It was actually happening. You thought about opting out of the mission. Using some bull shit excuse that excused you from attending. Price would have allowed it. 

And leave your team all alone? You smiled, shaking your head. No matter how scared you were, you would never abandon them. After all you had faced worse. Much worse.

But you didn't know if you could face them again.

Them?

Your old team. Every face is still fresh in your mind, as if you had only seen them yesterday. Leaning back, you closed your eyes as the plane started to descend. The fear was fighting to break free.

“You've been awfully quiet,” Your eyes snapped open, and you looked to your left where Ghost sat. His gaze was forward facing his arms crossed over his chest.

“Nervous I guess,” you chuckled. He slowly looked to you his eyes burning into your own seeming to look for whatever secret you were keeping. 

“How long has it been?” he asked.

“Not long enough,” with his eyes boring into yours you felt as if the truth was trusted out from your chest. He hummed, seeming to get everything he wanted from the interaction before returning to his quiet self.

The plane landed and the back ramp opened up. Heaving your bag onto your shoulders you let the boys take the lead, hoping to use their tall asses to keep you hidden. The hot Australian sun of the great QLD hit you all like a wave. You had gotten used to the rain and shady weather of the Uk. You all walked out and onto the tarmac.

“Hot as balls in ear,” Soap commented.

“Captain Price!” Your group made your way over to the soldier that had been sent to greet you. He was a colonel. A well decorated one by the look of his badges. You were glad when you didn't recognize him.

“Colonel James, I presume?” Price asked as they shook hands.

“You presume right. Welcome to Australia, come on,” he nodded you to follow. As you walked you began to feel eyes set upon you. You saw familiar faces mixed in with the crowd. Some recognized you. some didn't.

“I know Ghost is scary, but anyone feel like they're getting more looks than usual?” Gaz asked as he looked around.

“Yeah,” Soap agreed. You kept your eyes on Ghost back hoping to just get inside as soon as possible.

“Fucken hell,” Your blood ran cold at the familiar voice. 

“Ah. Captain. This is Major Adam. He leads the squad you'll be working besides,” the colonel just confirmed your worst-case scenario. “Also known as the Bloody Hells,” your hand instinctively tightens around the gun you carried casually in front of you. You wouldn't believe your luck, actually you could believe your luck. Trust lady luck to throw such a twisted day at you. 

“They wernt fucking about with you lot,” Major Adam stated as he looked Ghost up and down.

“Major,” The colonel warned.

“Come on mate. We're gonna risk our necks with these boys. I think we can dispense with the formalities. Call me Adam. none of that major shit,” Adam went through the lads introducing himself. And they in return.

“Isn't there supposed to be one more of you?” Adam asked. You prayed with all your might that Ghost would stay where he was. That you could hide behind him for the whole mission if possible. Only he looked back towards you stepping back to put you on full view. Adam eyes dropped from Ghost to you. Everything froze as he gave you a kind sad smile. He did look different in the slightest. Still the same drop-dead gorgeous face. Perfect bone structure and curly black hair. His face brought back a flood of memories.

“Y/N,” the way he so tenderly used your name made you want to puke. You clench your jaw as you debate on what exactly you should do. 

“Major,” You gave a curt nod.

“You two know each other?” Price asked calculating your reaction.

“She's a part of our team,” Adam stated simply.

“Used to be. This is my team now,” You nodded to the boys. Adam smiled with an understanding nod.

“Of course. But can I just say a goodbye would have been nice. Hell, even a reason as to why you left,” You couldn't believe the audacity of the man in front of you. He knew exactly why you had left. And he knew you knew. That sweet little smile he wore twisted ever so sinisterly at its edges. 

“Oh, Sargent Y/L/N?” The colonel asked.

“That's her name. She prefers to go by Maddog though,” Adam chuckled light heartedly.

“Mad dog?” Soap asked, turning to you. The boys were all watching you, unsecure of what to make of your behavior. 

“Old nick name,” you stated simply. From the moment he had arrived you had yet to take your eyes of Adam. Yet to release the tight hold you had on your weapon.

“Well, it's an honor. Heard a lot about your work from my brother. He's a medic as well,” The colonel gave you a kind smile.

“Maybe you could give the kid a few pointers,” Adam suggested. 

“Maybe,” you bit. You just wanted it all to be over. You wanted to get out of there. You wanted to get away from the interaction. Away from him. An awkward silence passed over the group as Adam stared at you.

“Well let's get you situated,” The colonel gestured your group forward. Adam gave you all a nod as you passed. Only his hand snapped out gripping painfully tight onto your upper arm.

“Welcome home sweetheart,” Adam smirked as he whispered the words. Your eyes narrowed into a glare. 

“Let go,” you ordered. His smirk widened but he refused to move. 

“What? Didn't you miss me?” he asked.

“Doc!” you both turned to the group who had walked a few steps away. Ghost had already turned to you having been the first to notice your missing presence. The rest turned to the call. The boys could all see it. How rigid your body was. How posed it was to jump into combat at a moment's notice. How white your knuckles had gotten because of your tight grip.

“Behave. Wouldn't want your new friends getting hurt,” the warning Adam gave you had you ripping your arm from his grasp.

“I could say the same to you,” you whispered back before jogging up to your team giving them a reassuring smile.

As you were unpacking your things you could feel the gazes of the boys on your back.

“Sooooooo,” Soap trailed off.

“He was the lead of my old team. Things didn't end on good terms,” you answered quickly.

“Things?” Soap was trying to lighten the mood with his teasing tone. You were surprised when you practically slammed your locker closed.

“I'll be back soon,” you rushed the words out as you left, keeping your back to the boys. As soon as you closed the doors they shared looks.

“She's been a mess since you told us we were comen here,” Ghost announced.

“So you noticed too?” Price asked, readjusting on his cot.

“Should we be worried?” Gaz asked. They had never dealt with this side of you before. 

“That Adam guy seems nice,” Soap shrugged.

“Too nice,” Ghost muttered.

So there you were. ACDC music blasting in the shed you currently resided in. At the moment you were gutting an old truck. Tearing it apart screw by screw, bolt by bolt. It was a part of the engineer's program you guys had. New recruits had to build it completely from scratch. That meant it had to be taken apart first. It was the job everyone hated. Yet since the start of your military career you had one day been volunteered for such a task. You found a strange solace in the task. Solace you so desperately needed as your emotions decided to play trip wire with your body. It was night by the time your team came to find you. You peeked at them around the truck. You expected questions, Soaps prying nature to take over. Instead, they found scattered items to act as seats as they cracked open a few beers. Definitely not army regulation. They didn't pry, they knew you didn't want to talk about it. It brought a warm fuzzy feeling to your belly. They were there to support you. To show you, you weren't alone.

“Need a hand?” Ghost asked as he offered you a beer. 

“Sure, grab a spanner,” you took the beer, cracking it open and sculling it. Praying to find a calm in the effects of alcohol.

“What are we fixing?” he asked, looking over the half dismantled truck.

“Not fixing, pulling apart. All of it,” you stated licking the foam from your lips. You had failed to notice Ghost gaze as it trailed over your face, your lips, and your neck and upper chest that glistened with sweat. 

“Seems simple enough,” he nodded.

“That's not wise. Ghost and vehicles don't mix,” Soap spoke up. A small smile worked its way onto your face as the other laughed. 

“Don't worry Ghost. I trust ya,” you whispered jokingly to him offering him a wink. He gave a grunt as he got to work. He was wearing a short sleeve, giving you a perfect view of his muscles that rippled under his skin with each movement. As you worked you stole glances at his tattooed sleeve. 

“See something you like love?” your eyes snapped up to his face thinking you had been caught out. Only his gaze was focused on the machine in front of him.

“Nah, just something shockingly ugly,” you joked. Again, you could swear his mask tilted into a smile.

“You just smiled,” you stated proudly.

“I don't smile,” he shut you down quickly. 

“Sure,” you nodded not believing him in the slightest.

“Is she here!?” you frowned at the demand. The yell echoing through the shed.

“Woah kid. Slow down,” Price stood to meet the soldier that had just run to them.

“Is she here?” he pressed. You stepped out from behind Ghost spotting a member from your old team. Jamie. Sweet kid. Red hair and a baby face. Good heart. When he saw you, his face crumpled, his body filled with guilt. And relief?

“So you're really alive?” he asked. The boys gave you confused glances at his statement. You became very invested in getting the grease stains off your hands. “It would seem so,” you muttered. It was silent as Jamie simply stared at you.

“What do you want Jamie?” you asked softly. Too softly. Tears started to gather in his eyes.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered. Your eyes snapped up at the words. 

“I'm so sorry,” he kept repeating the words as you stalked forward.

“Shut up,” you demanded.

“I- I didn't want to. I should have never done it. Im so so sorry,” the words tumbled out of his mouth in a jumbled mess.

“Get lost Jamie,” You ordered.

“Mad dog please,” he begged.

“I said get lost!” you snapped.

“Please, I know it was wrong. I just. I was scared ok. And we were given orders. I- I didn't know what to do,” he was begging at this point.

“Oh you were scared were you?” You asked sarcastically. His mouth clamped shut. You had been sacred. Terrified. That fear lived in your heart, forever embedded into your memory. And what had he done for it. Nothing. “Come on,” you tried to drag him away. Tried to hide whatever would come to light from the boys. Only Jamie stopped pulling back from your grip. 

“He said you were dead,” he whispered. Your hand snapped out gripping tightly onto his collar.

Your mind plunged you back to that fateful day. The day you were standing on hell's doorstep. Bloodied and bruised from your efforts to save your team. The day your team fled in the safety of a helicopter. The day they saw you. Each and every one of them saw you. Alive and fighting for your goddamn life all alone. The day they left you to die. Jamie knew the words he had just said were a lie. His face wouldn't have scrunched up in such an ashamed way if he didn't.

“Doc?” Price called you softly. They weren't sure what you were about to do. But they all stood at the ready.

“Let's talk about this elsewhere,” you demanded once again, going to pull him away.

“No,” he pulled back again. “I'm not leaving until you listen to me,” He stayed. Fine if he wanted to have the conversation you'd have the conversation. 

“What did you come here for Jamie? Forgiveness?” You asked softly. He was still the kid you took under your wing. He was still the boy you had fought beside. Shed blood beside.

“Forgive what? Huh?” you asked. You wanted him to answer. To admit what he had done.

“Please,” he begged. Your resolve wasn't easy to break. But Jamie always had a special place in your heart. He reminded you of your little brother. That made it all the more painful.

“Were human Jamie. We all have moments of weakness. Of cowardice,” you whispered. “I won't blame you for that. I'll forgive you for that,” you stated. You saw the slightest hope in his eyes.

“But I'll never forget,” you finished diminishing that hope.

“A moment of weakness is understandable,” you added. You released his collar fixing it. 

“How long has it been since we last met?” you asked.

“About two years,” he answered in slight confusion.

“Damn long time for a moment of weakness huh?” you asked bitterly. Shame consumed him as he cast his eyes to the ground.

“Fuck of Jamie,” you ordered softly. He walked off without a word of protest, his tail tucked between his legs.

“And Jamie,” you called after him. He turned awaiting your next words.

“He's gonna get you killed,” you said. He didn't acknowledge your words, but you could see they had wormed their way into his brain. And a little part of him knew you were right. 

You could feel the boy's eyes bore into you. Trying to make sense of what had just happened. 

Silently you walked back over to the truck, picking up your discarded wrench and getting back to work. 

“You alright love?” Price asked. The boys were shocked when you showed them your usual bright smile. They were surprised at how normal you could act, but they all knew the smile on your face wasn't accurate to what you were feeling inside. 

“I'm fine, boys,” you said.

“I'd like to be alone for a bit, if it's alright you you lot?” you suggested casually. 

“Yeah, yeah. Course,” Price nodded, gesturing for the boys to leave.

“Well be back at base if you need anything,” he added before walking off. You waited till you couldn't hear the foot falls before you dropped your head into your hand, the tears flowing from your eyes like a tap. 

God, what had you gotten yourself into. 

Your soft sobs echoed in the shed, being just loud enough for the boys to hear.

It was late when you walked into the tent. You knew the boys would have woken up with your arrival, but they stayed in their sleeping positions. You looked over them. How many times had they risked their life for you. How many times had they saved you. 

They had saved you.

Joining the 141 saved you. 

And you were damned if you were to let anything happen to them.

“Price,” you walked over to him. He opened his eyes quickly sitting up.

“Need anything love?” he asked. 

“We can't go on this mission,” you said. He frowned, glancing at the others who had all sat up.

“Whadya mean?” he asked you to elaborate.

“Adam’s a snake sir. He will fuck us over without a second thought if it means getting what he wants. We can't trust him. And we can't go on this mission. It's too dangerous,” you spoke firmly. The only betrayal to the hard font you put on being the red puffy eyes from crying.

“That's not really an option Doc,” he said.

“Then make it one,” you pressed. He pressed his lips together, sighing. You had never asked anything of him. You had trusted his every order, his every choice. “Doc, we all have history. But we are soldiers. Shit goes wrong all the time,” he was trying to reason with you. Trying to make you see that whatever lovers quarrel you had with Adam meant nothing. That's what he thought it was. He would never be able to guess the severity of what had happened.

“Please Sir. I'm begging you, Please don't make us go on this mission,” they hated how frail you sounded. How broken. Price wanted at that very moment to give into you. To do as you said. But he didn't have the full story.

“If I'm gonna do this I need the full story doc,” he gave you the ultimatum. He needed proof to ditch the mission. Reasonable doubt. After all he was a soldier, a good one at that. He couldn't ditch a mission just because one of his soldiers asked him nicely.

“I,” your words got caught in your throat. You wanted to tell him everything. 

But you couldn't.

“I can't say sir,” you admitted.

“Then this conversation is done,” he spoke softly, finishing the discussion. At that moment you hated how rational he was.

“Yes sir,” you whispered, walking over to your bunk and sitting down with your back to the boys. After slipping off your boots you got into bed.

The next day everyone was ready. When the boys had woken up you were nowhere to be seen in the barracks. 

“You think she'll come?” Soap asked as he checked his weapons. To their left the bloody hells were doing final checks as well.

“Don't know,” Price muttered. A soft silence washed over the group as you walked up to them. You wore a simple desert mask that covered the bottom half on you face your eyes blank of emotions. The boys took notice of the guilty bewildered looks the other team gave you. “Well good morning beautiful,” Adam smiled brightly. You paused looking over his face. You had made many memories with the man in front of you. Many sweet and beautiful. But they were all bitter now. Reaching into your pocket you pulled out an old patch. The bloody hells written in red upon it. The edge was stained with blood, the other side burnt slightly. 

“Thought it was time I gave this back,” you muttered holding it out to him. He refused to take it.

“Once a member of the bloody hells always a member,” he said. You huffed.

“Nah mate,” you shock your head, throwing it to his feet.

“Lets get it done,” you said, knocking knuckles with Jonny before getting into the back of the truck.

The mission was a simple one. Get in, clear the base. Collect data and dispose of the weapons. It was going well. You were with your boys. That was until you weren't.

“Tims been hit. Our medics down. We need you MadDog,” you ears rung at the comms. You were currently in a hallway. Price turned back to you.

“This is Doc, what is your position, over?” you asked into the comm.

“West side, next to the green building,” he responded.

“That's the cleared area,” you muttered.

“Take Ghost with you,” Price ordered.

“No, you've still got enemies to face. It's a cleared area, I'll be fine,” you said. You were right and he knew it. He also knew you could handle yourself.

“Look after each other ok,” you ordered before taking off in the direction you had come from.

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--COD Master List Here--

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[inkedbydave]

A sneak peek from the KitTy fanfic I'm working on, enjoy babes!

English is not my first language and I've never wrote anything similar before (I'm more used to poems and essays) so constructive criticism is more than welcome!

***

Kit stood by the window, his gaze aimed at nothing in particular. The room felt far too small, as if the walls were inching closer with every passing second. Ty’s presence was something he couldn’t quite escape, even if he was doing his best to act indifferent. He hadn’t wanted to meet up with Ty at all, but here they were, in Berlin, in the same hotel room, once again stuck in this weird, complicated tension.

Ty, of course, didn’t make it easier. He had a way of being completely unaware of the effect he had on people, or maybe he just didn’t care. Kit suspected it was the latter.

"Did you know your heart rate synchronizes with the person you’re closest to?" Ty’s voice broke through Kit’s thoughts, smooth and steady.

Kit blinked, looking over his shoulder. "What?"

Ty had moved closer without Kit realizing, his fingers already brushing lightly over Kit's wrist. "If you care about someone, your heartbeat matches theirs. I wanted to see if it works." His voice was soft, but there was a playful glint in his eyes - those damn eyes that always made Kit feel like he was both burning up and freezing at the same time.

The color of storms, or the edge of a dagger, one Kit Herondale wouldn't really mind being destroyed or killed by.

Kit’s pulse sped up at the light touch, despite every instinct in him telling him to pull away. "Ty, you can’t just do that to people-" He gasped.

Ty tilted his head, the smallest smile pulling at the corner of his lips. "I thought it was interesting."

Kit’s breath caught in his throat. Ty wasn’t just touching his wrist anymore. He was tracing his fingers so lightly, - reverently - that Kit could feel every single movement, almost as if Ty had memorized how to make his heart race without even trying.

Internally, Kit was spiraling.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck

He could feel his pulse in his ears now, pounding louder with every second. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not after everything. Not after the way things had fallen apart between them.

But Ty, as always, was too calm. Too unaffected. Or at least, that's how it seemed like.

Ty’s fingers slid from Kit’s wrist, over the back of his hand, until he gently took hold of it, guiding it toward his own chest. Kit’s body went stiff, his breath hitching as Ty placed his hand right over his heart.

"Can you feel it?" Ty asked, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes never left Kit’s. There was something in his gaze, a quiet intensity that only made Kit feel more exposed, like he was under a magnifying glass. Like he was being stripped bare.

Kit’s mind went blank, the warmth of Ty’s chest under his hand distracting him from everything else. And then, the undeniable thump of Ty’s heartbeat beneath his palm hit him like a wave. It was fast. Really fast.

It was... perfect.

Kit swallowed hard, struggling to maintain his composure. "Ty," he started, voice thick, but the words didn’t come out the way he wanted. His heart was hammering against his ribs now, and it had nothing to do with Ty’s proximity or the heat of the moment. It was just Ty. Ty and the way he always had this effect on him, the way he seemed to have an effortless hold on Kit’s emotions even when the boy was trying so damn hard to be distant and cold.

"Yeah?" Ty asked, his voice a low murmur, that almost teasing smile still present. He wasn’t even out of breath. Was Ty even aware of how much Kit was spiraling?

Kit suspected he, in fact, was.

Kit quickly pulled his hand back, shoving it into his pocket, unable to meet Ty’s eyes. "You shouldn’t do that," he muttered, trying to sound angry, but it came out more breathless than he intended.

Ty looked sad. It wasn't too obvious. Not to anyone who didn't know him well. But Kit could see it in the way his brows furrowed just the slightest bit, the way his breathing became uneven, just a tiny bit off, the way he crinkled his eyes. "Why? Because it works?"

Kit’s chest tightened. He was so damn tired of this - of Ty always finding a way to make him feel like he was the one who was losing control, when all he wanted was to be left alone. He didn’t want to care anymore. He didn’t want to feel like this, like everything about Ty was a constant pull, a force he couldn’t resist no matter how hard he tried.

But no matter how cold he acted, no matter how many walls he put up, Ty always found a way through. And he was damn good at it.

[natti-ice]

Rafe Cameron Blurb.

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x gn!reader

Warnings: angst, you break up with Rafe

Based on the line “This isn't the person I fell in love with.”

Author’s note: this is a reupload, I wrote this a while ago!

Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated<3

⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡

Things had been off for weeks between you and Rafe. You don't know what happened but something shifted in your relationship. Your relationship wasn't perfect by any means but it was good, you were happy.

You had distanced yourself from Rafe and you couldn't explain why. You just didn't feel the spark that was once there. You had so hundreds of missed calls and texts, you didn't know how to tell him that you didn't love him anymore. You still care for him but you couldn't keep pretending you were in love.

You were sitting in your room trying to come up with a text, your mind was blanking. Everything you typed seemed wrong, there weren't words that would describe how you feel. You settled for a call, maybe he could come over and you could talk about this in person.

You took a deep breath when you clicked his contact, right as you were about press call a faint banging pulled you from your thoughts.

Someone was at the door, no one else was home so you had to get it yourself. You got out of your bed and made your way to the door. You turn the knob, revealing a drained-looking Rafe.

"Rafe," You said "What are you doing here?"

"You've been avoiding me so this is the only way I knew you would talk to me" He was a little irritated, this whole situation has stressed him out so much that he hadn't slept much. "Can I come in?" he asked

You didn't respond, you opened the door more as a yes. Rafe came in and you closed the door behind him, he made his way into the living room like he did every time he came over, you followed close behind. Rafe was slightly pacing in front of the couch, neither of you were speaking.

"What happened to you, Y/N?" he asked, pain evident in his voice

"What do you mean 'what happened to me', nothing happened to me" you said

"Clearly something did" he scoffed "You don't answer my texts, we don't hang out anymore, the last time we spoke you were mean. I don't know what happened but this is not the person I fell in love with."

You didn't know what to say, you knew whatever you had to say would break his heart. You walked to the center of the room, taking a seat on the couch.

"Sit, please?" You asked him

He took a seat next to you, a respectable distance between each other. You knew this conversation was coming sooner or later.

"Rafe, I think we should break up."

"What?" he asked with a puzzled look

"I really wish I could explain it but, I just don't think we're good for each other. I'm sorry." You told him, avoiding eye contact you kept your focus on the floor

"No" he said causing you to look up, it was your turn to be confused

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"No. You can't just forget me for weeks and not have a reason, you're not telling the truth. Please, stop lying to me" He pleaded

"I'm not lying, there's nothing to say-"

"That's bullshit" he cut you off raising his tone

"I don't love you anymore, is that what you want me to say?" you yelled back at him, you were so frustrated by this whole situation

Silence...

"You don't love me anymore?" his voice was scratchy and quiet

"Rafe, I am so sorry." You sympathized

"Did I do something wrong?" Rafe was racking his brain on all the things that he could've done to make you feel this way. He knew he wasn't the best person but he did everything in his power to be better for you.

"No no! You didn't do anything wrong I promise." You grabbed his hand locking both of yours around his "I just don't feel the way I once did, I don't want you to think it's your fault. It's not" You told him watching the many emotions dance across his face, his eyes focused on your hands

"What does this mean for us?" he asked not looking up

You hadn't thought about it, you couldn't lie and say and say you'd stay friends because it probably wasn't true. "Well, we probably won't see each other for a while and when we do it'll be awkward so we will end up avoiding each other like the plague"

Rafe let out a breathy laugh, it had been the first time you saw him smile in a long time. "I'd never avoid you, Y/N."

You knew you'd miss the sweet things he says to you.

"We'll see about that, Rafe" You laughed back

Silence washed over you when the laughing stopped. The awkwardness had already begun.

"I should probably get going then" he sighed getting up from the couch, letting go of your hands.

You followed closely behind him, walking him to the door. When you made it to the door, you both stood there looking at each other waiting for the other to speak first.

Rafe took a big step up to you, wrapping you into a tight hug. He held onto you for a while knowing would probably be the last time he could.

"I love you, Y/N" he whispered

You stayed silent. When he finally let go, he turned around and walked out the door.

[vodika-vibes]

You are a true blessing to this generation of Star Wars fans tbh

May I have female (ex Jedi) inquisitor!reader x empire!cody

Can be fluff or something more serious like an interrogation or a mission

Love you sm <33

It Only Takes A Spark

Summary: Your relationship with Commander Cody is wrong. You know it. He knows it. Yet, neither of you are willing to let the other go.

Pairing: Purge Trooper Cody x F!Inquisitor Reader

Word Count: 2764

Warnings: Mentions of Torture, though nothing is shown in detail

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly

A/N: So...when you said you wanted imperial cody and imperial reader, you really meant you want almost 15 pages of these two doing everything in their power to stay together in spite of everything thrown against them, with a little fix-it hand waving. Right? Because that's what I wrote, lol.

“Ma’am,” You open your eyes and turn your gaze towards the man standing in the doorway, “We’re about to land.”

“Thank you Commander,” You reply, your voice soft as you slowly push to your feet. Pain shoots up your legs, a lingering gift from the Grand Inquisitor.

Commander Cody remains in the doorway, his expression blank but there’s a hint of concern leaking through the force, and you can only sense it because of how well you know the man. “Are you in need of medical treatment, ma’am?”

“I’m afraid that this is nothing that can be fixed, Commander.”

There’s a sharp burst of irritation and frustration and despair, and you glance at him. You know that he’s irrationally protective of you, and you know that he hates everything about this situation, but he’s usually better at containing himself than this.

For a moment there’s no movement, and then Commander Cody reaches out and presses the button that controls the door, allowing the door to slide shut. The room dims, no longer lit by the bright lights of the main part of the ship.

You watch as he pulls his helmet off and stares at you. “The Grand Inquisitor tortured you again, didn’t he?” He’s trying, so hard, to hide the fury in his voice, but he’s not trying hard enough to hide from you.

“You know I’m not a very good Sith, Cody.” You remind him gently, “I felt too deeply as a Jedi, and my Master thought that that would make me a good Sith. Instead I just became…apathetic.”

“You’re hardly apathetic, sarad.”

You glance at him, and tilt your head slightly, “I think you see more of me than anyone else.”

“That I can believe.” Cody absently passes his helmet from one hand to the other, “Tell me, do you think we’ll find a Jedi on this planet?”

You’re quiet for a long moment, “No.” You finally admit, “I think the Grand Inquisitor doesn’t expect us to find anyone here either, but we have to investigate anyway.”

“Good. I’m so…tired of hunting Jedi.”

You’re quiet for an even longer moment, “You volunteered for the position, Cody. You could have stayed a regular trooper.”

“Yeah, and we both know that it’s the only way that I was going to get that advanced aging issue handled.” Cody scoffs, “Plus…” He pauses, “Nevermind.”

“Go ahead. Speak your mind.”

“Joining the Purge Troopers meant that I’m able to protect you, sarad.” He frowns, “Well, in theory. I still can’t protect you from the Grand Inquisitor.” It’s a ridiculous sappy notion, and yet you can’t help but feel touched.

You shake your head, putting the emotions in the little box with all of the other things deserving of your protection, “You worry too much.”

“Someone has to.” Cody replies, and he sounds so tired that you feel a sting of guilt.

He doesn’t belong here. He’s too good for this life, for the Empire. But then, you’ve always known that.

The comm on his wrist chimes, and you watch as he glances at it. Cody exhales slowly, and for a moment his emotions are a whirlwind around him, before they vanish completely, and he pulls his helmet on, “We’ll be landing in five, Ma’am. Will you be joining us up front?”

You don’t answer for a moment, and then you nod once and pull your own helmet on. “Lead the way, Commander.”

Cody leads you through the small ship, and he settles himself at your shoulder as it lands on the planet's largest landing pad. Hardly necessary, you think, but people are funny about Inquisitors showing up on their planet.

You walk down the landing ramp, and a trembling man greets you on the landing pad. “It’s an honor to have an Inquisitor on our humble planet,” He stammers, wringing his hands, “But I assure you, there are no Jedi on Mora.”

“Perhaps.” Your voice is flat, “A report was made, and so we shall investigate. I trust this will not be an issue.”

“No, no! Of course not!” Somehow the Governor wrings his hands even more, “However, if you do find a Jedi…I hope you know that we aren’t harboring them willingly-”

“I will not make any accusation until I determine whether or not there is a Jedi on this planet.” You interrupt, “I wish to speak with the man who made the report.”

“I…yes…of course.” The governor nervously turns his back on you, “This way. I will be more than happy to show you where he lives.”

“You already know who made the report?” Commander Cody asks. 

“Well, yes. He was very proud of it, you see.”

You’re sure that if Cody wasn’t wearing his helmet, he’d be glaring at the Governor hard enough that he’d burst into flames. And, frankly, you don’t blame him. Everything about this situation is screaming that it’s going to be a false report afterall.

Still, a job is a job, so you allow the nervous man to lead you through the winding streets, until you reach a massive house. The Governor’s house, he explains proudly. There’s a young teenage boy sitting on the front steps, nervousness rolling off of him in waves.

The boy looks at you, and then at Cody, and then back to you. Before he looks at the Governor, “You never said that actual Inquisitors would come to interrogate me!” He blurts.

The Governor glares at the boy, and opens his mouth to say something, but you take a step forward, and he stills. “Commander,”

“Ma’am?”

“Ensure the Governor here doesn't run off. Feel free to shoot him if you have to.” You order. You hear Cody unholster his pistols, and the Governor whimpers in fear, but then you’re focused on the boy.

He’s Pantoran, with messily cut lavender hair. His eyes are wide with terror. His clothes are filthy, but not the carefully curated filth that you’d expect from a teenage boy…more like someone who works hard labor.

“You are the person who made the report?” You ask.

“Y-yes ma’am. But I wouldn’t of if I knew that you’d actually come here.” He blurts.

“Then why did you?”

“Um…well…” He nervously fumbles with an old comm, “We…a message went out…”

“ A message?”

“Yeah.”

“Show me.”

The boy opens a message on his comm and hands the small device to you. There, written in black and white, is the message the boy mentioned. A monetary reward to anyone who reports a jedi to the planetary government. 

“We…my ma and pa…we don’t have a lot of money. And I thought…that amount of credits would be enough that we’d have enough food-” The boy rambles, “I’m sorry for wasting your time-”

You pass the comm back to the boy, “Did you ever receive your payment?”

“Yes ma’am, though it was a lot less than he promised.”

“Hm.” You turn your attention to the Governor, “You can go.” You say to the boy. You remain still and quiet as he runs off, and it’s only when you’re sure that the boy won’t get involved that you speak again, “I’m find myself very curious,” You murmur, “As to why you might want an Inquisitor and a Purge Trooper on your planet.”

“I…I didn’t have a choice.”

“Is that right?”

“You have to believe me.”

“I think you’ll find that I do not have to do anything.” You correct quietly, “Commander, bring the Governor inside. We need information from him.”

“Yes ma’am,”

You absently wave your hand at the door, using the force to force it open to allow Cody access to the building. You follow him inside, and shut the door behind you.

“Do you wish to be present for the interrogation, ma’am?”

“It is probably for the best.”

“As you say.”

It takes Cody three hours to pull all of the information out of the Governor, and you watch, impassively, as the nervous man’s body lies sprawled on the ground between the pair of you.

“What do you think?” Cody asks as he cleans his knife.

You’re quiet for a long time, “I think it’s incredibly ballsy for him to claim that that Rebellion forced him to do this.”

“I agree.” Cody checks his knife and then slides it back into its holster, “That said, the Rebellion would probably do a lot of things to get their hands on an Inquisitor and a Purge Trooper.”

You pull your gaze away from the body, “You believe that we are the targets then?”

“Would make sense, wouldn’t it?

“It would.” You agree, “Generally speaking, hunting the Rebellion falls under the purview of the Imperial Army, not the Inquisitors or Purge Troopers.”

“You’re not wrong.” He’s quiet, “We should return to the ship and leave. I do not want you in any more danger than you have to be.”

You open your mouth to say something, and then you pause and tilt your head. “Ah. I fear that this is no longer our decision.”

“What do you-?”

Cody isn’t able to finish as the door bursts open, revealing a large group of people in mismatched armor, led by a man wielding a purple lightsaber.

“...well, it looks like there actually is a Jedi on this planet, ma’am.” Cody says dryly.

“So it would appear.”

Mace Windu, who you thought was dead, slides into the opening stance of Vaapad. “Lower your weapons. You’re both under arrest.”

“Well, seeing as you don’t have any actual authority in the galaxy, I would argue as to the legality of the word arrest,” You say flatly, “But very well. Stand down Commander.”

Cody pauses, and he releases a heavy sigh, as he slowly lowers his weapon to the ground and raises his hands. You, however, just raise your hands.

Mace Windu pulls your lightsaber from your waist, and hooks it on his own, and he roughly slaps force suppressors around your wrists.

Which is unfortunate, really. Since the force was the only thing keeping you conscious.

The last thing you hear as the world goes dark is Cody’s loud cursing.

Cody impatiently paces the cell that he’s been thrown in.

Well, it’s a room, with its own fresher and a very comfortable bed. But it’s still locked from the outside, which makes it a very comfortable cell, but a cell all the same.

He feels naked without his armor, but he does understand why he wasn’t allowed to keep it. He wouldn’t have allowed an enemy combatant to keep their armor either.

At least they gave him clothes to wear. Comfortable clothes even. 

And he is getting three meals a day, though, tellingly, no one has come to deliver the meals personally. Instead they’re being delivered by Skywalker’s protocol droid.

Not that Cody’s been too eager to talk to anyone.

His mind is locked on his sarad. And on the way she crumpled when the cuffs were slapped around her wrists.

Cody’s no fool. He knew that she was badly injured. He knew that she was using the Force to keep herself going. He hadn’t, however, been aware as to the extent of her injuries.

If he had he wouldn’t have allowed her to leave the ship at all.

Not that it matters at this point, of course.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts at the sound of his cell door sliding open. Cody half expects to see that damned droid again, so he’s genuinely surprised to see Rex and Wolffe standing there.

With Obi-Wan Kenobi standing behind them. 

“Cody!” Rex and Wolffe hurry into the room, stopping several feet away from him, “You’re alive!” Rex says, “I thought…for sure-”

“As if I would die so easily,” Cody replies, “I heard that you went down with your ship, though.”

“Yeah, well…” He shrugs awkwardly, “I did. I got lucky.”

“How’d you become a Purge Trooper, vod. I thought only NatBorns were slated for that.” Wolffe says, a frown on his face.

“It makes sense,” Obi-Wan says from the back of the room, “Anakin would absolutely want to keep you close.”

“I volunteered.” Cody says flatly, and when the three men jerk back in surprise, he continues, “Where is she? The Inquisitor I was with. What did you do to her?”

“She’s in the infirmary.” Rex answers without thinking, “We didn’t hurt her, vod.”

“I want to see her.”

“No one’s being allowed to see her.” Obi-Wan says, “She’s too dangerous.”

Cody’s smile is all teeth, “I’m dangerous. And I’m going to be more so unless you let me see her. And that is a goddamn threat.”

“Okay, easy there vod.” Wolffe says, “General, we can let him see her, right? So this doesn’t become a thing?”

“I think we probably should.” Obi-Wan agrees, sounding slightly shaken, “You’re not going to cause any problems, are you commander?”

“That depends on her.”

“Okay, that’s fair.” Obi-Wan pushes his hand through his graying hair, “Let’s go then.”

The infirmary where they’re keeping his sarad isn’t that far away. Which makes sense, you wouldn’t want an infirmary for prisoners located in the same place as an infirmary for everyone else.

Obi-Wan opens the door with a wave of a keycard, and then Cody ignores the three men walking with him. He pushes between his brothers and crosses the room to the bed where his sarad is sitting and peering out the barred windows.

“Hey,” She turns at the sound of his voice and he jolts when he sees her normal eye color, rather than the striking gold he had gotten used to, “Look at you.” Cody murmurs as he sits on the edge of the bed and presses a hand against her cheek, “No gold.”

Her lips turn up into the tiniest smile, “No force.” She offers as she holds up a single wrist.

“Are you okay?”

She considers his question for a moment, “I’m not in pain,” She finally says, “I had forgotten what it was like to not be in pain.”

“Oh, sarad.”

“I’m okay, Cody.” She reassures quietly, “Are you?”

“Yeah. They’ve been very kind so far.” He carefully tucks some of her hair behind her ear, “Has anyone come to talk to you yet?”

“No. No one.”

“Well, that’s okay then.” Cody says with a sigh, “I’d be cross if they were interrogating you while you were recovering from a medical procedure.”

“You’ll be cross anyway,” she points out as she lifts one hand to press against his, “You’re so protective.”

“Someone has to be.” Cody replies. 

Her small smile fades slightly, “Cody…”

“Hm?”

“...if you want to stay here. To stay with your brothers…I wouldn’t tell anyone.” She says quietly, “You…don’t belong with the Empire.”

“And you do?” Cody asks, not touching on her first comment.

She drops her gaze, “We both know that my master will never let me go. You don’t deserve to suffer my fate.”

“My place, sarad,” Cody replies as he uses a single finger to lift her chin, “is by your side. No matter where you might be.” He leans in and lightly bumps his forehead against hers, uncaring for the audience. “It doesn’t matter what you choose. Whether it’s returning to the Empire, staying here with the Rebellion, or moving to Tatooine to pick up moisture farming. I’m going to be right there next to you.”

She stares at him, and then her nose scrunches up adorably, “Moisture Farming?”

“Hey, you never know. Maybe you’ll like it.” It’s something of a relief though, seeing some of her personality peeking through the shroud of apathy she adopted to survive the Empire.

Cody brushes his finger down her cheek, an idea starting to form, “You know…” He murmurs, “We could stay.”

“They’ll never let me stay.”

“They,” Cody says, his voice raising slightly so that their audience can hear you, “are two members of the Jedi Council who were so incapable of doing their duty that they allowed a large number of their padawans to get kidnapped and tortured.”

“...rather uncalled for, Commander.” Obi-Wan mutters from the doorway.

“If and when your Master comes looking for you, he’ll also have to deal with me. And I’ve become very good at killing Force users.” Cody adds with a wry smile.

She sighs softly, and her eyes close, “Alright then.” Her free hand comes up to press against his cheek, “We’ll try it your way.”

“I promise, sarad, no one will ever hurt you again.”

And a genuine smile crosses her face as she moves her other hand to press against his cheek, “Well, if you say so then it must be true.”

[kyberblade]

Give It To Me In Basic (Din x Reader)

A/N: This is just something that the premise came to mind when I listened to a song and I couldn’t let it sit. I wrote it in practically one sitting and just saw where it went - it was basically an exercise to stretch my writing muscles after a while away, and it felt really good! It’s incredibly sappy and domestic and I hope you like it. 🥹 (Not a part of my other series, this is an entirely new Din x Reader to me. Hi. Hello.) I also wanted to try writing in “she/her” instead of “you”, but this is still definitely an entirely blank reader insert. No physical descriptions are used. No mention of Y/N.

I do not own Star Wars or it’s characters. Sadly. But I carry them in my heart. Does that count for something? My soul says yes.

Summary: Din finds softness after a life of rigidity, and he’s not willing to let it go. (*Chandler Bing voice* Could I have been more vague?)

Warnings: Fluff? Like tooth rotting amounts of fluff and domesticity. Din being a sap. Grogu being the cutest thing you ever did see, and Din is once again a warning in and of himself in this one. Swearing. Mentions of typical show violence. Mando’a. Swearing. Mentions of pregnancy at the end. Some spoilers if you squint? (But if you’re here, you know how this works.) (No but like really, it follows the plot of season 2 and TBoBF, so mentions of that briefly, if you don’t want that spoiled, don’t read.) Helmetless Din. What? Who said that? 👀😬 Again: No mention of Y/N. (In fact this is written as “she/her” instead of “you”, but is an entirely blank reader insert.)

Word count: 1,206 (I know. I am as shocked as you are at how brief this is.)

Thanks to @fordo-kixed-rex for reading over this and sending me a caps locked series of texts as a response. And to @what-the-heckin-heck and @littlemisspascal for telling me it’s not too fluffy/sappy/much.

Masterlist

Xxx

There was a softness Din had come to know, grown familiar with, and let it entangle with his life like a well kept plant on someone’s warm windowsill.

It had snuck up on him when he’d least expected it. Not in the middle of a battle, or on some backwater planet, but in the quiet moments in between.

It had a heart unlike anything he’d ever seen. Something vibrant and larger than life, that welcomed him and his son with open arms and without a second glance.

The heart was worn on the sleeve of a woman, who by every standard was normal, nothing brilliant or captivating, but to Din she was everything. He couldn’t look away whenever she was nearby, her beauty both inside and out something that pulled him in with a force he didn’t understand.

Her touch sent shockwaves across his skin, the first time she shook his hand making him shudder even through his gloves. As time went on and he found himself lost in a darkened hull of the Crest, the woman at his side as they tangled further up in one another, his breath caught in his chest as her slight hand reached up to cup his cheek.

It wasn’t the touch of a lover, the sensuality of the trace of her fingers that stole from him. It was the closeness. The nearness. Something in the touch felt like home.

And he never felt at home again unless those hands were cradling him in some way, even through his armor. He’d lean into the touch, though he couldn’t feel it through his beskar, he swore he could. This was home. This is what he was trying to come back to.

Her laugh made him laugh. A foreign and buzzing feeling climbing out of his chest. Just the thought of it made him chuckle, shaking his head and telling his contact it was nothing, he was just amazed the bounty was so stupid.

Maybe it was selfish, but he didn’t want to share her with anyone. He’d found a little slice of happiness in this godforsaken galaxy, why did he have to let anyone else know about it?

When he lay on the ground, wind knocked out of him after an enemy had gotten a lucky hit, it wasn’t the sky above he saw, it was her eyes. They sparkled mischievously at him anytime she plotted her next move, often to get him to just relax. 

For years he’d seen calculating gazes, sneers, narrowed eyes of distrust and hate. He saw none of these with her. Only peace.

How ironic, he thought, getting back to his feet before causing carnage. To get back to the softness, there must first be all this chaos.

He saw it each time he came home. The light dulled just slightly in her eyes. She loved him just as much, if not more than before, but she longed to tell him while looking into his own eyes. She knew the Creed. She understood. Doesn’t mean it hurt any less. For either of them.

It was a night on the Crest, he woke with a start at the silence. He didn’t hear the child’s snores. Realization sunk in as he remembered the kid was with the Jedi. He was used to the silence as he slept, then he became used to the kids soft sounds, but they’re gone now. But slowly he eased back asleep, his eyes falling slowly shut when he realized she was there, in his arms, breathing deep and sound asleep…. His new familiar. He softly smiled as she started to snore.

Now the child was back in his care, and he was off to Mandalore to restore his honor, become a Mandalorian in the eyes of the Creed once more. His new ship had no room for anyone other than himself and Grogu, so he made arrangements to leave her on Navarro with Karga. 

After a private goodbye, where he saw the disappointment she would never voice once again painting her features, he set the ship to ascend up into the atmosphere. Once he was just above the clouds, he made a last minute decision, hailing her on her comm as he made a loop to come back around under the cloud cover.

“Look up,” was all he would say. 

But as he made a final pass by, just under the clouds without his helmet, he could see her on the ground, her smile like a beacon for miles around. From this distance the only thing she could really see clearly was his smile, but that was everything.

Her breath stuttered over the comm. “Meh'shab? Me'dinuir…. Ranov'la. Me'dinuir…. Mesh’la.” (“The fuck? To share…. Secret. To give each other…. Beautiful.”)

Din laughed. “Wanna try that again?”

She huffed. “Sorry. Ori'meshla.” (“Very beautiful.”)

Din snorted out a laugh.

She sighed, her words coming out barely above a breath. “Stars, I hope our ad has your smile.” (“Child.”)

Din paused, about to pull up on the controls. “What?”

“Wayii! Did I say that out loud?” She looked up to see Din circling lower and lower. “Don’t you dare land, Din Djarin.” The N1 was getting lower still as she spoke. “I mean it. You have planets to save. People to meet and-” The exhaust of the starfighter sent her hair every which way, her face scrunching up against the gust. “What was I thinking you would do, I don’t know?” The last words were mumbled into Din’s chest plate, his arms pulling her into him as soon as he was back on the ground. (Exclamation of surprise)

“Are you….?” His voice was barely above a whisper, his modulator popping with the lack of sound behind it.

She nodded into his beskar. “Yaihadla.”

“As much as I love you speaking Mando’a, just give it to me in Basic. My brain isn’t working properly right now-”

She tilted her head back to look up into his visor, her voice soft. “I’m pregnant, Din.” Her eyes scanned over his helmet, searching for purchase. “You’re gonna be a dad, Djarin.” Grogu squealed from the cockpit of the N1, pulling her eyes over toward the tiny green ward, and a smile up her face. “Well, again. You’ll be a dad, again.”

Din froze for a moment before reaching up and ripping his helmet off, immediately pulling her into a searing kiss. Her muffled sounds of surprise melted away after just a moment, her arms coming up around his neck to pull him closer still, and causing his lips to pull up into a smile against her own. Finally breaking the kiss, he leaned his forehead against hers, both of them breathing heavily.

“Careful,” she teased, “that’s how we got into this situation in the first place.”

Din just shook his head in amusement at her, chuckling, and never removing his forehead from hers. Looking up through his lashes, he found her already doing the same to him. “Hi,” he muttered quietly.

“Hi,” she replied on a breath, making his smile pull higher still. “Osik,” she continued on a breath, going on when he cocked his head to the side, pulling back just slightly. “I really hope they get your smile.” (“Shit.”)

Xxx

Everything Tags: @lam-ila @oliviajdjarin @peonyophelia @itsavicf @jxvipike @momc95 @babygirlrex0504 @harriedandharassed @burningfieldof-clover @theclassicvinyldragon What’s This?

[lyn-js]

One Step at a Time | Chapter 2. Recipe for disaster

Calvin Evans x OC Reader

Summary: Everything in Ava Mason's life was what you call normal. She has a steady job as a lab tech at Hastings, has a beautiful bungalow in Sugar Hill, and sometimes babysits her friend Harriet's kids. But that all changes when social services show up at her doorstep with, her 2-year-old niece Delilah. Ever since then, it has been keeping you from your job, going to work late, and leaving when everyone else has gone home. But a certain chemist wants to know why a lab tech is staying late.

Warning: Angst, swearing, mentions of drug & alcohol abuse, dysfunctional family, mentions of adoptions & being put into foster care, and a whole lotta fluff. (Bold Letters mean flashbacks)

(This story is kind of based on what actually happened in Lessons in Chemistry. But no dying. We need to keep one of Lewis's characters alive.)

2.15 years ago

You jolt up out of bed when I hear someone aggressively banging on my door. I try my bed to wake myself up the best I can and get the deep sleep out of my eyes.

I shuffle my feet out onto the cold floors of my apartment to see what all of the loud commotions was. As I open the door I can already see the eye I have looked at so many times.

“H-Hi, sis,” Izzy says to me with a shaky voice, almost sounding like she was coming down from a cold of some sort. The last time I saw her was at my high school graduation, high as a kite not knowing where she was. But over the years we would write to each other, me telling her I was finally going to college, and pursuing a PhD in chemistry. But with her, she only wrote when she was in a new state, with a new boyfriend, saying she was finally going to get clean, and do right. That promise was only broken when my parents would call and say she was in jail for possession of some type of substance.

But this was different, you don’t know how, and you don’t know why but you felt uneasy about why your sister was here. You're not thinking right now and your mind is on auto-pilot, so you invite her in, and let her sit down while you grab her a cup of tea.

Once the teacup is set on the coffee table, find out why your estranged sister is really here. 

I try to ask her what brings her into town, but before I can even get a word out she starts to uncontrollably sob. I just wrap her up in an embracing hug and try to get her to calm down a little bit.

Once the tears settle a little bit, she sits up and just looks at me with a blank expression.

“I’m Pregnant.” was the only thing that came out of her mouth. I just looked at her with the same expression she had earlier. Such a new surprise to hear. Suddenly Izzy starts to shed more tears. “Hey, calm down, just tell me what happened, Okay?”

Then she starts to talk about how she started dating this guy named Tom that she met in AA, saying he was really sweet, and kind to her in the beginning. Until she found out he was using again, she could control herself so she started back up again. Then she says she found out a couple of weeks ago, then she told Tom, but that ended up with her getting kicked out of his apartment and sitting here on my couch.

“Were you using drugs when you found out?” you ask her, not only worried about her, but the well-being of the baby. She doesn’t have to look at me she moves towards the end of the couch. I just let out a frustrated sigh. Trying to come up with a solution to this problem.

“I’ll… I’ll let you stay here for a little while. But only if you get clean. I'll help out with the baby, unless you thought about other options…” You don’t want to say it out loud, not wanting to see that happen to your sister. Trying not to let her go through that pain all by herself. But she looks up and nods quickly. 

“But Izzy, This is a drug-free zone. I’m not going to let it affect you, or the baby. Got it?” Then she starts to cry again and shuffles into my arms, staying there until she’s calm.

I see her look up at me, “Thank you, Peach. I promise this is going to be it. I’m going to stop this time. I’m gonna be a good mom and get my own place. I’m gonna have a better life now.”I remember she would always call me by my nickname when she felt sorry, I haven’t heard that name in a long time, it always brings up bad memories for us. 

But I try and let it go. So, I just nod and give her a half smile, letting her be wrapped in a warm embrace again.

As I see her lying in my bed, I believe this is probably the best night's sleep she has had in the last couple of days. I watch her chest rise and fall at a steady pace. Also watches as she clutches her hand to her stomach already in mama bear mode, wanting to protect her family from anything.

I shut the door to my room a little bit, not wanting to disturb her. Just so she can’t see me. I let a few tears escape my eyes. I was scared for my sister. Scared for the baby. I don’t know how to do this. I was in college, finally doing something for myself, finally living my dream. But I wasn't going to put my sister aside, she needs me more than ever. I would want to talk more with her tomorrow, so I just slumped my body on the couch and tried to fall asleep the best I could.

Let’s see what happens.

After a little consideration, a valuable lesson of ‘sex discrimination’ for Donatti, and some paperwork, I could finally move over to Calvin’s lab to work with him.

After days turned into weeks, Calvin and I worked like a well-oiled machine. Helping each other figure out equations, setting up equipment for the different trials, and Listening to new and exciting music while working. I would always be enamored with him, but I tried to keep my feelings away from my work. As being told by Fran, when asking her to work with Dr. Evans, she would tell me that there was no professional relationship between a man and a woman, and say it would be a complete disaster if we were paired up together.

I wouldn’t let her judgment get the best of me, I would always want to keep my feelings out of the lab. But no matter what I tried to do, they would always come back. Also trying to figure out why he was taking up space in my mind for my everyday thoughts. But this moment was about to change for the better.

Just as I was about to start a new trial, I heard the phone start to ring. So, I paused the experiment and picked up the phone to see who was calling.

“Hello, Ava Mason speaking,” I say in a polite tone. But I hear someone on the other line, seeming they be out of breath. “Ava, it’s Harriet,” it sounded like something was wrong, I started to feel the hairs on the back of my neck, rise, sacred something happened to the kids. To Delilah. “Harriet, are you okay? Are the kids okay? What’s wrong?” I start to ask in a panicked tone. Wanting to know what’s happening on the other line.

“The kids are okay, there in the house in Linda’s room. But, there’s this woman here. She’s high as a kite, and saying she might know you, and she wants to see Del.” I can hear my heartbeat through my ears, and afraid it might just pop out of my chest. “Did she tell you her name?” was the only thing I asked back. “I think she said her name was Izzy? I’m not sure. But I think you should come down here. I’ve already called the police they should be here in a little bit. I’ll see you soon.” After that, I hear the line go dead, and hear complete silence.

How could this happen? Why is she here? How did she get here? There are so many thoughts zipping throughout your mind, that you don’t realize a couple of minutes later your cheeks feel wet. You start to breathe heavily, feeling like you're not getting enough air for some reason. You don’t know why, so you brace your hands on the table, and try to regain your breathing. Also, I do not notice that Calvin has walked back in from his run. Probably explaining what went wrong in the last trial, and what we can do better in the next.

I could see him walk towards me worriedly, wanting to know what was wrong with me. “I-I need… I need to go.” I mumble to myself, while also trying to look around for my belongings with tears still in my eyes. Trying to get out as fast as I can. But I could still feel Calvin watching me, I could see him try and touch my shoulder, but before he could, I backed away from him and made my way out the door.

As I’m walking down the hallway, I can hear Calvin calling after me. As I reach the end of the hallway I turn around. “This was a mistake…” I say to him. I turn back around make my way out of the building, and try to get back to my Duckie.

(Short Calvin POV)

As I’m sitting in the room I’m trying to tell Ava about the last problem we had in our trial. I was thinking about it when I was on my run. As I was spewing about what we could do to improve the next time, I did get to see her slumped over on the counter whimpering. When I finished talking about the trial, I turned to see her standing up straight and seeing she had red, puffy eyes. Like she’s been crying for a few hours. I tried and ask her if something was wrong, but I could only hear her mumbling that she had to go while grabbing her belongings and trying to leave. I walk over to her some more and try, to get her to calm down, but she jolts away from me and looks at me with her red eyes like I branded her with evil words. I tried and ask what was wrong but she was already out the door, wondering if was something I did. Because whatever it may concern, I was certainly going to try and fix it.

I try and run after her but I see her turn around, saying that this was a mistake. Then she disappeared around the corner.

I’m still in shock by what happened, I’m trying to think back to see what I could’ve done to make her want to stop working with me. Was it the way I work, the way I leave peanut crumbs on the table and not clean up after? I would simply change anything. Anything to see her again in the lab. Seeing her smile anytime I would try to make a stupid joke, the way her nose crinkles when she trying to solve an equation. I would do anything to see her face again.

Anything.

(Back to your POV)

I barely put the car in park when I pulled up to Harriet’s house a nervous wreck. I can also see Izzy on the porch steps crying, and yelling back at Harriet telling her that she’s not leaving until she sees me and Delilah. As I’m walking up next to Harriet, she already sees me, and wrapping me in her embrace. 

“I came here as soon as I called, where are the kids?” I ask her in a panic. “The kids are fine, Del’s a little shaken up. But they are safe in the house.” She tells me all of this, but I can see out of the corner of my eye Izzy trying to stand up and stumble her way over to us.

“Hi, Peach, how have ya been?” I feel a shutter throughout my whole body. Trying not to let those bad memories creep back into my mind.

“W-what are you doing here Izzy?” I’m trying my hardest to speak in a civil tone with her while trying not to break down.

“I’m here for my daughter,” She says back to me in a slurred type voice. “I’m better now-” “Yea I can clearly see that Izzy. The cops are coming, so I think you should go.” Me and Harriet walk past her, so we can see how the kids are holding up.

“She’s my Daughter!” She shouts at you. Thinking she has a say in what happens with Delilah at this point. 

“And I’m Her Guardian! I am supposed to provide a safe and loving home for her. And I need to protect her and make sure she’s cared for so If you love your daughter. If you love me. Then leave.” You can’t help it. You let the tears fall down your cheeks and walk up the rest of the way.

As I get into the house, We call out for the kids. As we call them, I can see Linds’a bedroom door open a little bit. When I tell them it was just Harriet and I, I can see all three kids crash into us. Lina and Jr. rush over to Harriet. I still have Delilah with me in my arms, I try to soothe and calm her crying down a little bit. 

Anytime, I would try and put her down, she would want to cling to me more. So I just let her lay with me on the couch in the living room, and wait until the cops come.

When they show up just one comes inside and asks about what happened while another stays outside with Izzy.

Harriet gave her statement, and I gave mine. There are so many thoughts running millions of miles throughout my head. I zone out while talking. The only thing I really have control over is my body, and that is clinging onto my niece for dear life and comfort. 

After a while, they take Izzy into custody and tell us she’ll appear in court in the next couple of days. We said our goodbyes and lots of ‘Are you okay’ from Har, and in return said that we were fine.

While lying in bed, with Del curled up on my chest watching her body rise and fall with each steady breath she takes. Even when I try and switch positions in the bed, she clings onto me tighter than the last time. So, for now, I just watch her, not really being able to fall asleep. The only thing on my mind that keeps replaying is Deliah and her safety with me. What if Izzy comes back, and what if she does more than just complain that she wants to see Delilah? What if she really takes her? 

Over the past two months, Del has been my entire world, she makes my days better when she’s here with me and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I try to bring those awful thoughts to the back of my mind. I just want to be the present, with the people I love and care about. Del, Harriet, and the kids, Calvin…

Oh shit.

Just as I was about to fall asleep when my eyes widened. I completely forgot that I snapped at Calvin earlier today, I didn’t tell him what was going on, and I didn’t get to say I was sorry for snapping on him. I just might be the biggest asshole on planet earth. I just really hope he’s not that mad at me, I honestly feel so awful about what I did to him today. Hopefully, he will be there tomorrow, so I can tell him. Maybe even tell him about what’s going on. But for right now I want to let my mind lay to rest and get a good night's sleep for a change.

Well, that sure as shit didn’t happen.

As soon as I was in the building, I made my way up to the lab as quickly as possible, making sure I could catch Calvin before he went on his run. But he wasn’t in the room when I entered. Maybe I did miss him, I’ll wait and see.

But before I could put my stuff away, I saw a little torn-out piece of paper on the lab table. I went over to see what it was. 

When I saw the note I could make out Calvin’s handwriting, I dropped everything and looked at what he had written down.

‘I’m not in today. I’m sorry for whatever I did. I’m sorry.’

-Calvin

My eyes started to well up with tears, why would I snap at him like that? I feel absolutely terrible. I wish he was here to explain everything. Wanting to tell him everything that has happened. But I can’t, maybe I can catch him tomorrow, and tell him. But for now, I just sit in the lab and worry about everything that's happening in my life right now.

The next couple of days I spent in agony. Calvin never showed up once to the lab. Or even the building, to be honest, I think I really screwed this up. I think we were working on a really good friendship. Maybe even more…

“No, No Ava, snap out of this. You’re going to go over and talk? You're going to talk and that’s it.” You try and get those stupid thoughts out of your system. You don’t know why but you decided to drop everything and not go to work today.

So you decided to take a walk around the neighborhood with Poppy and Delilah. Just want to get some fresh air, and let out all of the bed energy from this week. Maybe even stop by Calvin's Hariet’s. 

When you reach Harriet's house, you turn around to see if anyone is out around Calvin’s. You see all the curtains closed, no one in sight. But you did hear some commotion in the backyard. Of course, you decide to do your own investigation and go over to his place.

You walk up to his driveway and want to go knock on the door, but you see someone in the garage. You can see that it’s open. You peer in and see Calvin in his element. Apparently, he was using this type of orch to row. You try and call out to him, but he simply ignores you.

You call him one more time to get his attention. “Calvin!” you call out. Apparently, this time he listened.

“What?” he says with some force behind it. You step back a little bit trying not to get him too worked up.

“I see that you weren’t in the lab this week… And Danotti said to me they were firing people if we didn’t finish our research.” He gets up and starts wiping his face down. Wiping off the glistening sweat that rests on his forehead, you really didn’t want him to. He looked more handsome, not waiting to look away from him.

“More pressure. Perfect.” Out of nowhere, he throws the towel down to the ground. “Do you know what I’ve done ever since I won 2 years ago?” Genuinely asking in a gritty tone. I just shake my head a little. “Nothing. Nothing.” He takes a second to speak again. Seeming like he didn’t want to get too angry if I was around.

“I go into that lab every day, I shut the door because I don’t want people to see that I haven’t accomplished a damn thing.” There was a pregnant pause in the air. I wanted to speak up but he continued. “I was all out of ideas… Until I met you, Ava. And you had so many. It was like I could finally breathe again.” At that moment. I wanted to rush into his arms and never wanted to leave him.

And then, all of that fades away. “You left me with no explanation. You just– you left me.” I step forward a little bit, trying to see if he could let me in more. He didn’t say anything, so I kept moving forward. “I really didn’t mean to hurt you, Calvin. There was something that happened that day. It… it’s hard for me to talk about.” There was once again a long pause of silence, trying to see who would speak up first.

“I really miss working with you,” you say to him. “I miss that too.” You could hear some giggling coming your way. You both turn around when you see Delilah waddling over to you with Harriet right on her tail. “I’m sorry Ava, she said she really needed her aunty.” I pick her up and she drops her head right onto my shoulder. I look back to see Calvin with wide eyes. I walk towards him a little bit. I let out a chuckle and started the conversation back up again.

“I’m sorry for not introducing you sooner. Calvin this is my niece Delilah. Hey Duckie, this is Mr. Calvin. We work together.” I see her head come out of my shoulder and give a small wave. “Hi, Mr.Calvin” and give him a toothy grin. We all let out a little laugh. Giggling with the little girls' antics she always has.

“Maybe you can come over later. We can talk more there.” “O-okay, where do you live?” Asking me, I completely forgot to tell him that I lived in the neighborhood. “I actually live a couple of doors down. I realized when I dropped you off after the pageant.” I tell him. He again has wide-set eyes, looking at me like I just moved here from Mars. He doesn’t say anything, “I’ll see you later Calvin.” You turn and walk away when Del wants to be out of your hold. You let her go, thinking she wants to walk by herself, but she waddles her way over to Calvin and wraps her whole body around his leg. “Goodbye, Mr. Calvin!” she lets go and waddles her way back to you. You both leave with smiles on your face when you leave Calvin’s house.

To be honest, you don’t know how you can keep things professional between the two of you. You also don’t know how Delilah just met him, and she adores him. For some reason, you both don’t want to let go.

Let’s see what happens.

Reblogs are always welcome. Unless you're under 18. I will block you. and comment if you want to be added to the taglist. If I forgot anybody message me and let me know. You will be added.

Taglist: @petersunderoos96 @mrspedropascal5683 @callsign-magnolia @angelbabyyy99

dividers are by @saradika

[tabieeee]

Little short story about my green cameraman OC Patchwork! I wrote this a lil while ago and forgot all about it lol it's a bit of an introduction to Patch and what his deal is

======

Just a helpful hand

"Oh my- you're still alive! But I just saw the rescue team.. did they leave without you?"

The addressed unit turns their head to the voice in the distance.. a cameraman? They don't recognize him from earlier.. What happened earlier? They attempt to recall the last hour.

Let's see. They had an argument with their team, they got separated, no one followed.. Details are ..fuzzy. An explosion, pain, rubble- oh. They are under a pile of rubble. They can't feel the lower half of their body.

"It's alright! Let me help you- just a moment!"

They hardly pay mind to the cameraman now being much closer.. What else do they remember?

Rubble, dust settles, everything gets quieter.. blank? A rescue team arrives, medics and soldiers are running around, they can barely see them through gaps in concrete. The medic points in their direction and shake his head- wait.. Wait they are leaving. No, no nonono no come back they're right here! Don't leave them behind they're-!

"-I'm right here! I got you buddy!"

Snaps back to reality, the green-case cameraman is right in front of them now, crouching, arms wrapped around theirs.

"They abandoned you.. didn't they?"

The unit emits a quiet, pained whirr. They did- they left they left they left-!

"I know someone who can help you- if you let me take you with me. I promise everything will be okay."

They shift, scrambling. Yes, yes just get them out of here. It hurts- everything hurts-! Green light creeps into their vision and they have a moment to look up into the lens of their rescuer.

Bright green dot in the middle of a pitch black lens-glass meets them, staring down at them. Their vision crackles with static.

"Don't worry." "You will always belong with us."

…

A rescue party nearby finally make their way to the rubble they pointed out earlier. Only to find no one there anymore.

[agalitzine]

SILHOUETTES OF US :

TWO — Hyunjin

warnings: explicit language, mentoins of blood and traumatic flashbacks

song i wrote this chapther with: ❤️‍🩹

chapter one <— masterlist

TWO — Hyunjin

People always stare at me like I’m the problem.

They don't say it out loud, but I see it in their eyes — it's like I'm something dangerous. Something that might snap and ruin their perfect little worlds if they came too close.

Maybe they're right.

I stood near the back alley of the famous local club, leaning against the wall, cigarette burning low between my fingers, watching the world spin around me. The bass from inside rattled through the bricks, and the cold night air bit at my skin, but I liked it better out here — where I didn’t have to pretend to give a damn about anything.

I exhaled smoke into the darkness and kept my head down, hood up. Just another shadow in a world that didn’t want me.

And then I heard her.

It was sharp at first — a voice cutting through the thumping music.

"Hey! Someone just took my purse!"

My eyes flicked up, sharp and alert even when I told myself not to care. She was standing there, panic in her voice, looking around like she actually believed someone might help her.

Naïve.

People don’t help. People watch.

She looked small, vulnerable — her pale blonde hair catching in the breeze like some porcelain doll someone forgot in the wrong neighborhood. Pale skin, soft pink lips that were trembling, eyes wide darting everywhere, trying to hold herself together.

But no one was moving.

The security guy — just a fat slob leaning against the wall like he couldn’t be bothered to lift a finger. He barely even blinked.

Typical.

I flicked the cigarette to the ground, grinding it under my boot.

I should’ve stayed leaning against that wall. Should’ve minded my own business.

But then I saw him — some low-life sprinting down the alley with her purse, like he owned the damn world.

No.

I wasn’t about to let that slide.

Something inside me — the part that still burned even after years of shutting everything out — snapped.

Before I even thought about it, my feet were moving, fast and deadly, like muscle memory from fights I’d survived growing up. I reached the thief in seconds, grabbing him by the collar and yanking him back so hard his feet left the ground.

He hit the pavement with a sound that would haunt his ribs for weeks.

"Give it," I growled, my voice low, cold enough to make him freeze.

His fingers shook as he handed over the purse. Weak. Pathetic.

I snatched it from him, glaring down like I wanted to put him in the ground. Maybe part of me did.

I turned, my gaze searching for her — and when I found her, standing there with wide, stunned eyes, it felt like the air between us shifted.

Like for a second, I wasn’t the monster people always whispered about.

I held the purse out, keeping my face blank, because I didn’t know how to do anything else.

"Is this yours?"

She nodded, but she looked like she could barely speak — just staring at me like I wasn’t real. Like maybe I was some ghost that crawled out of the shadows. Scared, sunshine?

I didn’t know what to say next.

I never do.

"Be careful next time," I muttered, handing it over, our fingers brushing for half a second. I felt that touch in my bones. I immediately turned to walk away, ignoring what the fuck that was.

But as I lit another cigarette with trembling fingers, my mind stayed stuck on her — her eyes, her small hands holding that pink purse like it was a lifeline.

She was familiar, I just couldn't figure out where I have seen her.

People always stare at me like I’m the problem.

They don’t say it out loud — they don’t need to. It’s in the way their eyes flick over me and then away, quick and sharp like they might catch something if they look for too long. Like I'm a loaded gun someone left on the sidewalk, waiting to go off.

Maybe they're right.

I shoved my hands deeper into the pockets of my jacket as I walked home, my steps heavy against the cracked pavement. The night was cold, but I didn’t care. I liked the way it bit at my skin, reminding me that I was still breathing, still here. Not that I knew why.

The streets were mostly empty now, just a few late-night wanderers staggering out of bars, their laughter too loud, too fake. The kind of people who'd cross to the other side if they saw me coming — and sometimes they did. I watched one guy notice me and immediately grab his girl’s hand tighter, pulling her away like I was some kind of plague.

Yeah. That's fine. Let them keep their distance.

But as much as I tried to shove the night behind me, she kept crawling back into my head — that girl with the pale blonde hair and trembling lips. The one who looked at me like I was a ghost.

Like she couldn't decide if I was about to save her or ruin her.

I hadn’t meant to get involved. I never do.

And yet, there I was — chasing down some idiot for a girl I didn’t even know.

A girl who looked like she didn’t belong anywhere near the shadows I live in.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I ran a hand through my hair, pulling at the strands like that could tear her image out of my brain. But it didn’t work. I could still see her — those wide hazel eyes locking on mine, like she could see straight through all my walls.

It unsettled me.

And I hated that.

By the time I reached my place, the streets had gone completely quiet, like the whole town was holding its breath.

My house sat at the edge of the neighborhood, tucked away like it was part of a different world. The gray house on North Street — that’s what I heared people calling it, if they even dared to talk about it at all. The one everyone walked past a little faster, heads down.

I stopped in front of it, staring up at the silhouette of sharp angles and cold black windows. The moon cast just enough light to outline its shape — dark gray walls, roof tiles like jagged teeth, metal gates that creaked when the wind blew too hard. Everything about it looked like it belonged in some horror movie.

But I liked it that way. I loved that house.

No one ever knocked on my door. No one ever came close. It was my sanctuary.

I pushed the gate open, listening to its familiar groan. I stepped inside the yard. The ground is lined with stones, black and smooth, leading to the front steps. The porch light is out — it always was — and I didn’t bother turning it on.

I knew every inch of this place.

The key slid into the lock with a quiet click, and I pushed the door open, stepping into the darkness that felt more like home than anywhere else ever had.

Inside, the house was cold and quiet. Everything was neat — not dirty, not falling apart — I hate when things are not on their place. Maybe that's the only good thing I shared with my mother.

Everything is in shades I picked out about two years ago when I moved in: black, gray, and dark wood.

No one had ever been inside this house — except for Lee Sean. I met him a few months ago, the first and only time I stepped foot into the local Hills Club. Turns out, he owns the place. Sometimes I regret ever leaving this house that night, because from that moment on, I haven’t been able to get rid of him.

Don’t let his quiet demeanor fool you — that man is twisted, probably even more than I am. But not many people know about that side of him. Not even his own family, as far as I can tell.

I hate how he shows up unannounced, but maybe that’s on me. I’ve never exactly given him a chance to warn me. Every time he texted to say he was coming over, I’d lock the doors and pretend I wasn’t home.

I shut the door behind me and locked it with a soft click.

Silence.

For a moment, I just stood there, leaning back against the door. Running a hand over my face.

My heart still hadn’t fully calmed down. Not from the fight. Not from her.

I shrugged off my jacket and tossed it over the arm of the black leather couch, walking toward the kitchen. The floor creaked under my boots, and I kicked them off lazily, leaving them near the doorway.

The kitchen was spotless — like no one actually lived here.

I opened the dark wood cabinet and pulled out a bottle of whiskey, grabbing a glass from the shelf. The sound of the liquid pouring into the glass was the only thing breaking the silence. I filled it halfway and stared at the amber liquid for a second, before knocking it back in one long swallow.

It burned all the way down, but I didn’t flinch.

Setting the glass on the counter, I leaned forward on my hands, head bowed.

Her face still wouldn’t leave my mind.

Why?

Why her?

I poured another glass, slower this time, and carried it to the living room. The leather couch groaned slightly as I dropped onto it, sinking into the only place that ever really held me together.

The room was dim — only the moonlight slipping through a gap in the curtains gave it any glow. Across from me, a black steel shelf held a few things I kept from the outside world. Things I couldn’t let go of.

And there — hidden between two thick books — it was.

I stared at it for a long moment, my chest tight, before reached for that picture. The paper was worn, folded too many times, edges soft and fragile. I ran a thumb over it, tracing the lines I knew too well.

The image inside stared back at me. And for a moment, all the cold walls I’d built inside my chest cracked. I sat there, holding the picture in one hand, whiskey in the other, and let the weight of it crush me.

My jaw clenched. Anger, sharp and familiar, rose up like it always did — burning under my skin.

But underneath it, buried so deep I could barely breathe around it, was something worse.

Grief.

The kind that never really goes away, no matter how many bottles of whiskey you drown it in. I took a long shaky breath, never taking my eyes off the picture.

Memories I didn’t want flooded back — like smoke filling every corner of my mind.

Screams.

Blood.

Silence.

I swallowed hard, setting the glass down before my hand could shake and I'd drop it. I hated how weak that picture made me feel.

But I couldn’t let it go.

Not yet.

Maybe not ever.

I leaned back on the couch, resting my head against the cushions, holding the picture close like it was the only thing that still kept me human.

The whiskey burned in my veins, but it wasn’t enough to drown the ghosts. It never was.

And through all of it — all the memories and rage clawing at my insides — her face kept flashing through my mind.

I let out a low, bitter laugh, rubbing my hand down my face.

“Get it together,” I muttered to myself, my voice rough and cold in the empty room. But no matter how many times I told myself that, nothing changed.

The shadows in this house felt heavier tonight.

People like me don’t get happy endings.

taglist: @eastjonowhere

[erin-writes-ghost-fluff]

Cheering up Papa

A/N: Wrote this on my old blog. Thought I’d share it here! Minors/Under the age of 18, do not interact. My fluff is not for you. Note, I wrote this way before RHRN.

Fandom: Ghost

Characters: Cirrus, Copia, Cumulus

Warnings: Tickling. Fluff. Mentions of death at first. A little angsty at the beginning.

~ ~ ~

Cirrus found him first. Nobody could find him to begin with, so of course that worried Sister but it all worked out. He had gone to the garden to water the flowers. Nobody had been caring for them, since Primo’s death and Copia wanted to change that. Next tour, he was putting a sibling of sin in charge of upkeeping the garden. It was one of the few reminders he had left of his brothers.

He sat under the gazebo, on the patio sofa, taking a break. It was a pleasant day, Copia thought. It was warm but not uncomfortably so. There was a gentle breeze occasionally making the leaves on the trees sway. Out here was a comfort. It made him feel close to Primo and made him feel he was doing something right, by trying to take care of those flowers and plants.

“Papa?” A voice was approaching him. Cirrus.

“There you are! Everyone wondered where you got off to!”

Papa. Copia repeated in his mind. He’d never be used to that title. He had been cardinal for so long. He hardly expected to be the next in line for Papa and truth be told, he wasn't sure if he wanted this. Looking back, Nihil’s comment about him not being a part of the bloodline made sense.

Unlike his older brothers, he hadn't been mentored. Primo had taught Secondo, and Secondo taught Terzo. Nobody was here to teach him. And it had left him feeling empty and hollow.

Noticing his silence and the blank look on his face, the ghoulette frowned, coming to sit next to him. Something was troubling him, and she was going to get to the bottom of it.

“Everything ok?” She knew it wasn't but she wanted confirmation.

“Eh… I just have a lot on my mind. I’ll be fine. I am papa now. I do the worrying, not you ghouls and ghoulettes.”

Cirrus wasn't budging. “Copia please. You know how I am with picking up emotions. You aren't ok right now. Talk to me.”

She pulled the former cardinal against her, who heaved a sigh in response. Maybe getting it all out to a sympathetic ear would help. Someone who was grieving with him.

“I…. It just happened so quick, you know? The whole ‘becoming papa’ thing. No warnings, no nothing, one minute I’m performing, the next minute, I’m surrounded and declared papa.”

Cirrus nodded. He was right. There had been no time to process such a big, sudden change. Hell, Copia wasn't even warned. It had taken the ghouls by surprise as well. None of them had expected it.

“What else, papa? There's more. I know.”

Copia pressed his temple against hers, showing his affection and gratitude for her listening.

“I just feel that I am destined to fail. I have no-one to teach me how to be Papa.”

At this moment, Cumulus was walking out to the garden too. Seeing her bandmates- and technically newly appointed leader- she smiled, deciding to see what was going on.

“Hey ‘Lu.” Cirrus greeted, “papa’s having a venting moment.”

Cumulus’ tail and wings sagged. “Oh papa… Do you need space? Or would it be alright if I listened too?”

Copia shrugged. “If you want to stay, I don't have a problem.”

Cumulus took her seat on his opposite side, ready to be of as much comfort as she could.

Copia resumed, running a hand through his hair.

“I just feel alone, ever since my brothers died. I know I have my ghouls and I am not completely alone but…. Losing them was hard. I’ve had no time to mourn. It's just been work since we returned from tour. I know if Primo were here, he’d be teaching me. I have such big shoes to fill, you know? Except for Terzo's, his shoes were small, because his feet were tiny, heheh…”

Cirrus purred, nuzzling her nose against his temple. Cumulus had reached over, massaging his shoulder blades. He felt exceptionally tense.

“I think they’d be proud of you.” Cumulus hummed thoughtfully. “Especially Primo. He always wanted to see his younger brothers succeed.”

Would he? Copia wondered

“Do you really think so? It was hard to tell who or what gained his approval and who just got on his nerves.”

“Yes,” Cirrus agreed, “I think they’d be happy that their fratellino made it. I think Secondo would be teaching you to read the ancient grimoires, Terzo would be teaching you the Hellish or ghoulish tongue, and Primo would be more than happy to show you how to summon ghouls.”

Maybe they were right. But still…

“I just feel unsure now.”

Cirrus was now massaging and gently scratching Copia’s scalp, being mindful of her claws. He shivered before melting against her, some tension draining away.

“I think you're gonna do great. Yeah, you’re gonna be different than Terzo but that's ok. No Papa is alike. You have a lot to learn but we won't be impatient or unkind. We are you ghouls now, Copia. We will support you, when nobody else will.”

A lump formed in his throat, as he urged himself not to cry, his eyes suddenly glossy with unshed tears. His brothers may not be here to support him now or cheer him on- if they would have done such a thing- but hearing that his ghouls would be here to lift him up, made him feel relieved.

“We mourn with you, papa.” Cumulus chimed in again. “Your pain is ours.”

“Uh, i-it's not necessarily that- well, I mean it is, I just, I don't feel as bad now…”

The two ghoulettes sandwiched him in a tight hug, purring softly. Copia gave a shuddering exhale, bowing his head, bittersweet tears streaming down his cheeks.

“We’ve got you, Copia.” Cirrus murmured. “We’re here for you.”

This had been what he had needed for months. Just for someone to say they heard him and they would be there for him. All Sister wanted to do was go on and on, about his triumph as papa. Always saying how he was an improvement over Terzo. He never saw how. Terzo had won a GRAMMY after all, he had thought to himself.

Sister missed the point. And even if she hadn't, she still would be no true source of comfort. Too much false positivity. He needed to be allowed to feel these negative emotions. Not just brush them aside, because Sister said he should be happy.

Being able to vent helped immensely. Already, he felt a weight off of his shoulders and heart. His confidence wasn't there yet but it would be. He allowed himself to cry in silence, both ghoulettes rubbing his back and shoulder. After a minute or two, his tears began to subside.

“How do you feel?” Cumulus asked, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a handkerchief.

She wiped away his remaining tears, Copia allowing her to do so, almost leaning into her touch.

“Is there anything else we can do to help you feel better, papa?” Cirrus tilted her head to the side.

Come to think of it, they already had.

“I feel a little better now, grazie. Just by listening to me and letting me get it out. I appreciate it.”

They hugged him once more, glad to know he was doing a bit better. Still, Cirrus didn't like it when Copia was sad. A thought came to her, suddenly.

“I think I have an idea…”

Copia blinked. “What?”

She and Cumulus exchanged mischievous grins. They used to do this to Terzo but it was a much easier time with him, because of his height.

With no other warning, the ghoulettes began gently squeezing and pinching his sides, eliciting a shocked squeak, followed by some loud giggles.

“H-hey!” Copia cried, unable to stop giggling, “stop it!”

“Sorry, papa.” Cumulus chuckled, “we’re just trying to get you to smile.

“Ihihihi ahaham smiling!” He replied, kicking his legs out.

The ghoulettes had just started and he found it nearly unbearable. Especially when Cirrus snuck her hand up the hem of his shirt to get his belly. Every touch, every playful, gentle wisp of claws only caused him to laugh harder and louder. Rather than try to get away or fight them off, he held his hands over his mouth to muffle his giggles.

Cirrus wasn't having this, however. And she knew just how to bring his arms down.

“Ah-ah!” She playfully scolded, using her tail to get underneath one of Copia's arms.

Cumulus followed suit.

As they wanted, Copia's arms clamped down instinctively, his giggles turning frantic and squeaky, as Cirrus had not ceased torment on his belly.

“Cirrus!!” He squealed, as her other hand gently pried his own away from his mouth.

She laughed in response, “Hmm? What is it Papa?”

He shook his head, further squeaky giggles bubbling out of him, like a spring.

“Come oooon, use your words!” She teased, giving him a fanged smile.

Both sets of claws now gently digging into his ribs with the utmost care. Cumulus was teasing his neck and ears.

His blush darkened as he tried to keep himself still for them. They were only trying to help and lift his spirits again. For that, Copia was grateful. Suppose it wouldn't hurt to allow his ghoulettes to have a little fun. And while he’d never admit it aloud… he was having fun too. It felt nice to laugh like this.

He let out another squeal when Cumulus leaned forward, burying her face into his neck to playfully nibble the ticklish skin. His shoulders shrugged instinctively.

“No! Don't do that!” Copia squeaked, but Cumulus only continued.

“You know…. I don't think you mean that,” Cirrus smirked, lightly scratching underneath his arms, causing him to cackle.

Oh no… How did she know?! Though he wasn't really trying hard to get away….

“Y-you have no proof!” He challenged.

Cumulus snickered, using one claw to trace the shell of his ear, bringing out a high pitched cackle.

“I dunno, giggle rat…You’re barely trying to escape!”

His blush now spread up to his ears. “Don’t call me that!!”

“But it's true!” Cirrus giggled, “you squeak and squeal like a rat when you get tickled, sooooo that makes you a ticklish giggle rat.

Copia shook his head, denying such accusations but couldn't stop laughing to save his life. He let out a shocked shriek, when all twenty fingers skittered against his belly. He jolted as if he’d been shocked by electricity, laughter flowing unrestrained and freely from the Anti-Pope.

“THIS IS MEAN!!” He howled, kicking his legs out like an overgrown child once more.

Both ghoulettes tails wagged and swayed happily, listening to his laughter, pleased with themselves. They found themselves laughing with him as usual. His laughter was just so adorable and contagious, in Cirrus’ correct opinion.

He was beginning to tire, however and they didn't want to push him too far. It would seem a grand finale was in order. And Cirrus knew just how to go about it.

Cumulus seemed to be thinking the same thing, as she raised the hem of Copia's shirt, baring his belly just a little. He knew what was coming and began to go into a giggly, anticipatory panic. He’d been tickled by Cirrus enough times to know…

“Wait! Wait! Per favore! I’m gonna die!”

The other two giggled. Oh yes, he was definitely Terzo's little brother, alright! Copia was just as dramatic as him!

“Oh papa…” Cumulus snickered, shaking her head, “I think you’ll live!”

“No I won’t!”

With no further warning, they leaned down, claiming both sides of his belly, before blowing a loud raspberry before switching to nibbling, all while snarling playfully.

Copia let loose another shriek before howling with unbridled mirth, as they made a ‘feast’ out of him. He sputtered and squeaked, trying to talk but laughter took over within seconds. He slammed his hands on his thighs, unable to even think straight at this point. Despite the hysteria, his laughter was hearty.

Just when he thought he was going to be driven insane, his ghoulettes had a shred of mercy, stopping their playful attack, pulling his shirt back down, smoothing out his hair and clothes.

He heaved a relieved- yet giggly- sigh, going limp and slouching where he sat.

Cirrus purred, pressing her nose against his cheek with a nuzzle. “Awwww. See? Not that bad!”

Copia crossed his arms, giving a joking, angry pout.

“Yes it was!” He grouched playfully, “you two are fucking bullies!”

Cumulus laughed, giving his body a gentle squeeze, while Cirrus rubbed his back to help him calm down.

“Because we love you!”

Ok…. Copia couldn't argue with that logic. He gave them a bashful smile, pressing his temple against Cumulus’, followed by Cirrus.

“I love you too.” He chuckled softly. “....But it still wasn't nice!”

Cirrus ruffled his hair. “It got you to feel better though, I bet.”

Well, she wasn't wrong!

“Not answering that!”

Cumulus snickered. “Hey, wanna come and help me do some baking? I’m in a mood for something sweet. Probably something chocolate!”

Copia's mood lifted further. If there was one thing he loved just as much as rigatoni, it was chocolate!

“Oh yes, I’d love to! Now that you’ve said it, I wouldn't mind having some sweets too!”

The group of three stood up, stretching their limbs before walking back inside The Ministry, heading straight to the kitchen.

Being Papa wouldn't be easy. It would be stressful some days and a pain in the ass. But Copia felt just a little more confident now. His brothers may not be here, but he still had a support system.

Papa. Yes. Suppose he could get used to being called that now.

[foxes-that-run]

Taylor Swift Has No Regrets

The record-setting pop star opens up to her bestie Tavi Gevinson about matters of the head, heart, and everything in between.By Tavi Gevinson Published: May 8, 2015 (x)

When time passes, and the more you live your life and create new habits, you get used to not having a text message every morning saying, "Hello, beautiful. Good morning."

On getting over a guy:

Tavi Gevinson: I want to ask you about "Clean." The girl singing is so sensible, with none of the impulsiveness of "Blank Space" or "Style."

Taylor Swift: "Shake It Off" and "Clean" were the last two things we wrote for the record, so it shows you where I ended up mentally. "Clean" I wrote as I was walking out of Liberty in London. Someone I used to date—it hit me that I'd been in the same city as him for two weeks and I hadn't thought about it. When it did hit me, it was like, Oh, I hope he's doing well. And nothing else. And you know how it is when you're going through heartbreak. A heartbroken person is unlike any other person. Their time moves at a completely different pace than ours. It's this mental, physical, emotional ache and feeling so conflicted. Nothing distracts you from it. Then time passes, and the more you live your life and create new habits, you get used to not having a text message every morning saying, "Hello, beautiful. Good morning." You get used to not calling someone at night to tell them how your day was. You replace these old habits with new habits, like texting your friends in a group chat all day and planning fun dinner parties and going out on adventures with your girlfriends, and then all of a sudden one day you're in London and you realize you've been in the same place as your ex for two weeks and you're fine. And you hope he's fine. The first thought that came to my mind was, I'm finally clean. I'd been in this media hailstorm of people having a very misconstrued perception of who I was. There were really insensitive jokes being made at awards shows by hosts; there were snarky headlines in the press—"Taylor Goes Through a Breakup: Well, That Was Swift!"—focusing on all the wrong things.

[alessiathepirate]

The Quarry

TAKING RISKS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS: Chris Hackett x fem!reader

Summary: This is quite risky, she thinks but the thought disappears as soon as his lips touch her skin...

Notes: English isn't my first language. I apologize for any mistake I may have made while I wrote this short story.

Warnings: swearing, suggestive themes

•••

This is quite risky, the thought appears at the back of her mind, but it disappears just as quickly when Chris Hackett's lips touch her neck.

His kisses are slow, lingering; the kind that makes her forget about everything other than him. Her right hand runs along his back, caressing it even if his shirt is in the way - the gentle touch becomes rough a few times, when his kisses roughen up, making her whole being burn.

"Chris-" she tries to get his attention unsuccessfully, because the man is paying more attention to her skin and how his touch makes her act.

She can hear the music downstairs, she can hear the kids singing - her friends are probably there too, wondering where she went. They are doing their job, the job she also should be doing. Instead she's feeling really close to Heaven with her back against a door and Chris' body so close to hers.

"Chris-" she tries again and this time she's successful.

Her lover looks her in the eyes as his kisses come to a stop, but even then his hands are still moving. One is beside her head, keeping the both of them steady; while the other is holding her waist, his thumb gently drawing shapes into the material of her shirt.

"What is it darling?"

The way he says 'darling' sets her insides on fire and she almost forgets what she wanted to say in the first place.

"They'll figure it out." she starts explaining. "We both disappeared on them."

"Let them." he says as he presses a kiss to her cheek. "At least they'll have something to gossip about."

It would be so easy to forget about the dinner downstairs and let Chris love her and prove his love to her. She could easily let them gossip, let herself be the reason for those gossips as well.

She could let all of that happen. They aren't doing anything wrong after all, they're both adults who can date if they want to. She could let Emma call her a whore playfully, she could let Dylan send her teasing looks...

She could let go just this once...

She's about to let her feelings rule her body, when she hears a pretty scary sound from behind the door. Someone stepped inside Chris' office, the room what's right behind her. For a second she thinks she forgot how to breath.

"Mr. H?" a voice calls out and she bites her lower lip to keep her sounds of pleasure back after Chris playfully bit her skin as his hand kept on drawing those shapes.

She knows that voice. Ryan is the one in the other room, he is the one who could hear everything if they aren't quiet, he is the one who could open that door and make them fall in any second.

She puts her hand on Chris' shoulder, pushing him back. Their eyes meet and Chris smiles, his gestures hiding a special kind of mischief, the kind only she could see and no one else.

"He isn't here?" another voice speaks up and she freezes completely - that's Dylan. God, it's a risky situation!

"No." Ryan answers. "But I really need to talk to him."

"About the swimming lessons?"

"Yeah, about those too."

Her gaze must be full of fear. Chris must be able to read that correctly, but he doesn't seem to care. Instead he leans in and kisses her, their lips meeting in a slow and loving kiss - later forming into something more passionate.

Her mind is blank, empty, unable to focus on anything else but him, not being able to care about her own fear of becoming the whore of her friendgroup. She can't think that through, because Chris' kisses are too good.

"Did you check in here?"

The kisses linger and soon her neck is bitten and sucked again, and she has to press her lips tightly together to stay quiet.

Only then does it occur to her that Dylan means the door - the door behind which she is being kissed and loved. She tries to make Chris listen to her even if she can't speak up. She tries to tell him silently that if they don't stop they are screwed. She tries all of that with the last pieces of care she has in herself - and then, after a kiss right under her ear and the feeling of his fingertips touching and grabbing her naked skin under her shirt, she whimpers. She gives up and prays, not finding anymore power to refuse all the affection.

She hears a very quiet click. She feels Chris' other arm move and realizes with a grin that he just locked the door.

"Dude, just let it go. We'll see him at the firepit later anyway."

The doorknob still jiggles and the wood still shakes. Dylan still tries to open it, unsuccessfully.

"I always wanted to know what's behind that door."

It'd be a great surprise, she thinks.

As Dylan's steps fade away a bit, the kisses stop and she hears an almost unnoticeable whisper: 'Be quiet now...'.

She hears the smile in his voice even if she can't see it. She can imagine the almost smirk like curl of his lips.

Quiet.

Stay quiet.

She leans back, tilting her head to the side to give Chris more access to her neck.

Damn what the others think or know. Damn Emma's teasing words and Dylan's playful looks.

She can feel good about herself for a day too.

[jamiesfootball]

in light of all your snippets from the one that makes you sick dunking me in the angst cauldron lately (COMPLIMENT), take this as an opportunity to share anything you feel like about/from that fic (or any of the others) 🌹🌻🌹

Waaaaaaaaah thank you!!!!!

This one began as a classic 'I had the idea for one scene, wrote that, and now I've got to write everything else around it.' In this case I started at the end and worked backwards. It's a very free-flowing method, which is a nice break from some of my other, plotty-er things.

The basic summary is that Jamie's has started to remember bits and pieces of Amsterdam (maybe; it's not like he can know for sure, can he?) leading to him having a mental health crisis while he's in Brazil with Keeley, who is so far out of the loop in terms of what is going on and trying her best not to make it worse. Meanwhile Roy is stranded back in London, losing his mind over the very troubling texts he's receiving from the both of them.

This one is going to be wrapped in trigger warnings. Nothing graphic, but Jamie's head is not a happy place and some of what he's 'remembering' paints a very bad picture of how that night went as his brain plays fill-in-the-trauma-blanks.

Here's a fairly long snippet. No immediate trigger warnings apply:

Keeley woke with a start. Choking on a gasp, her eyes scanned frantically around the cheery little room of the villa where they were staying. The accommodations were lovely. Even in the dark, the bright paintings and fresh flowers caught the ambient light from the window, cradling the room in a dim and soothing warmth. The air smelled sweetly of orchids.

She'd heard someone scream.

She didn't know how long she'd sat there, her breath rattling in her chest. She listened desperately for a follow up sound- anything that would politely let her know if she was about to be murdered. She didn't even have her normal keychain with her - the one with the thingy on it for breaking windows and tail lights. They wouldn't let you bring that sort of thing through customs, and, fuck, she should've taken Rebecca up on the offer to use the jet. Now someone was coming to murder her and all she'd have to defend herself was a flower pot.

Unless she could sneak to the kitchen. There were knives in the kitchen; Jamie had used a big knife that morning to cut up fruit for his smoothie-

Jamie.

Her worries flipped upside-down. She flung her feet out of bed before she realised what she was doing.

Tiptoeing the short distance down the hallway, she came to a pause in front of the other bedroom. She listened closely.

Jamie wasn't a snorer - not like she was - but he wasn't exactly quiet either. He made soft, wheezy little noises when he slept. She'd always thought it was cute.

On the other side of his bedroom door, the room was loudly silent.

Keeley swallowed. Her hand raised to knock, but she hesitated at the last second. Her fist looked small against the impressive stature of the door.

The longer she stood still, the louder the silence grew. He was awake; she knew it.

"Jamie?" she whispered gently. "Are you up, love?"

Something rustled. Maybe. It could've been the air, or her own bare feet shifting against the floor.

It's only a wooden door, she thought fiercely, her eyes beginning to sting. It's only a few metres. But I don't want to make you upset again. I need you to tell me it's okay- that we're okay. Jamie. Please.

The room on the other side of the door remained deathly silent.

Time stretched for a millennia as she trembled in the hallway.

Woodenly, she lowered her fist. She padded softly towards the kitchen.

When she returned, she carried a steaming mug of hot chocolate. Well, the closest thing to it that she could whip together with what had come in the gift basket and what was stocked in the fridge. Without tea, she didn't know what else to do.

"There's a drink out here for you, babe," she whispered through the door. She knelt down to put the mug and it's makeshift saucer-plate on the tile. "If you need-"

Anything. Anything at all.

"-I'm right down the hall. Okay?"

[bellaxgiornata]

Do you have any tips for people who really enjoy writing fanfiction but struggle to actually get themselves to write it? Like I love writing specific scenarios in my head (mainly because that’s what I really want to read but no one else has written that yet) but I struggle to actually just get the motivation to do it, so my ideas just stay in my brain as a “I want to write this” and then the interest dies off and it never gets written.

I completely understand this feeling so much. Before I started writing in the Daredevil fandom I often just daydreamed in-depth scenarios in my head. I usually wanted to write them into stories but then I just...never did it. Even though I have been writing different fanfics in different fandoms for a really long time, I more often than not just created up scenarios that lived in my head and then that was it because I never wrote them down. So nothing ever came of them and I was never able to share them with anyone. I could have written so many more things if I'd just sat down and tried.

(As always, I'm long winded so more below the cut 😅)

In all honesty when this happens, I think the best thing to do is just that. Just sit down in front of a blank document and free write whatever comes to you. Take the pressure off of yourself first and foremost, though--you don't have to share whatever comes out with anyone. Don't tell yourself that it has to be good, either. Have literally zero expectations for whatever ends up on the page. More often than not, that really helps the words start to flow. When you sit there and nitpick how you're starting a sentence or a scene or a word choice, that's when you start second guessing everything and that can often lead to thoughts like "I can't do this" or "no one will read this" or the classic "I suck at this" (which I still hear in my head some days). Ignore all that bullshit and just focus on whatever it is that's in your head--a conversation between some characters, maybe an entire scene you've had playing out in your mind, a fight scene, or whatever it is that you're currently excited about. Just sit down and try to get it out with no expectations. Because you can absolutely always come back to it and edit it up how you want after the fact and make it into a story or a one shot or whatever if you want, but the hardest part is just getting something out on a page.

But truthfully, the only way to write something is to make yourself sit down and do it. I don't know of any other tips to give besides that. Sure, you can make a playlist or a mood board for the vibe of a story or a character. You can make outlines of what you're seeing in your head that'll give you bullet points of what you picture happening. But really you just have to get excited enough about whatever it is that's on your mind and write it. And I think that's part of the beauty of writing fanfic when you do share it and people interact with it. The commentary and interaction from readers is what helps keep the excitement for a story alive for the writer, which then gives us that necessary motivation to keep coming back to work on a story. Because any writer will tell you that sitting down and getting the words out is hard. Some days it sucks and you have to slog through it to keep going, but that's just a part of the process. Over time it becomes a habit, though.

Hopefully any of that somewhat helped, but unfortunately there isn't some magic answer to make it easier to get started. Having other writers to talk to about your ideas really helps, too. Or just someone to talk with/at about whatever is on your mind. Breaking an entire fic idea into chunks chapter by chapter helps if you're making a big story, but just picking a starting point and writing it is your best bet. I actually first wrote the entirety of Marci and Fog's wedding for FFTD and then worked my way backwards afterwards to start that huge ass series. It all started with those two installments and the idea/scene in my head that I didn't get to until "The Breaking Point" far later. So you can absolutely just start with an idea and expand on it. But unfortunately, you kind of just have to force yourself to start somewhere 😅