#that has been fun and its made me feel a lot less depressed about how much time i waste

[chalkodareal]

decemberween's not TECHNICALLY here yet but by jove is it comin' soon! 4 days! wow! this stuff is based around "the best decemberween ever" because its the most recent one i watched but if i'm feeling real stoked tomorrow i might do some art about the other ones! yippee!

[phantomantz]

some changes i would have made to the characters storylines in tua s4

disclaimer: i am no writer, it's just fun to think about the possibilities. btw anyone feel free to use any of these ideas for fics idc

lila doesn't cheat for starters. instead she and diego have both been secretly doing vigilante missions and keeping it from the other because they think they'll be mad. on one of these missions the two run into each other and rekindle their spark. basically the five and lila story but with diego and lila instead thanks. maybe one or both of them almost die or their kids are put in danger, and they decide to find a much less dangerous hobby, because while its thrilling in the moment they realize they wouldn't sacrifice their family for it

luther is shown to be much more depressed about sloanes absence (if there really is no way for her to come back) but he's trying to hold it together to be there for his family. would be nice if he bonded with characters like klaus, viktor or allison who have also lost their lovers. diego and lila shenanigans means they need luther to babysit a lot and luther finds happiness caring for his nieces and nephew. maybe he also finds a fulfilling job where he can meet a lot of people and help others.

five still finds the time subway but without lila. we get more time exploring the alternate timelines and seeing different ways the apocalypse has happened including ways the other sibs have ended the world. his PTSD and reliving his trauma is also explored. he eventually ends up in the five diner where he's told that they end the world every time but instead of excepting defeat and making everyone sacrifice themselves he finds another way (what exactly that is im not so sure) and becomes the first and only five to successfully prevent the apocalypse forever

allisons relationship with claire and ray are explored more heavily as well as everything she did in s3. i like the idea that she takes care of klaus because 1: hes the only sibling that will still talk to her and 2: because of the guilt she feels after getting him killed. i just wish her arc focused on something OTHER than saving klaus because thats basically all she did this season. would be nice if she spent more time with viktor and luther the two people she wronged most heavily in s3.

i would keep viktors confrontation with reggie but alternatively i would make this reginald umbrella reginald so it has much more weight to it. either that or have viktor express that even though he said his piece toward this reggie he will never actually get closure with their real father and nothing will remove the pain from his childhood. the rest i would keep pretty similar. reginald wants to kill ben and viktor wants to stop him at any cost. viktor knows what its like to be "the bomb" and doesn't want the same thing that happened to him to happen to ben. instead of working together to find ben however they're more in a race against eachother. maybe allison joins him and they make up on the way. i would have liked for ben and viktor to have had a heart to heart in the beginning of the season, maybe about how ben felt like a monster sometimes because of his powers, and viktor relating. idk how this would work with sparrow ben because he doesn't seem to hate his powers the same way brelly ben did but it would have been nice to show another reason why viktor is going through so much trouble to save him. and the ending where he trys to talk him down would be more impactful i think.

for klaus i would keep everything pretty much the same up until he runs into that quinn guy. instead i would have him travel to the subway with five in lilas place. five and klaus' powers are the most mind boggling out of the bunch not to mention time and death are inherently intertwined and this needed to be explored. also, you're telling me klaus literally has the power to talk to GOD and this never has any plot relevance???? klaus should have been involved in finding the solution to the apocalypse imo. also we needed klaus and ben interactions. idk how or when but it NEEDED to happen

ben and jennifer being the catalyst for the apocalypse is making it very hard for me to figure what to do with him tbh. i just wish he had more time with the other sibs and didn't turn into a horrific blob monster at the end 😭he felt less like a character this season and more like a plot device and he deserved to have some scenes that actually fleshed him out. it would have been cool if the reason he causes the apocalypse was actually because of his powers and not just because he happened to be the one to make skin contact with jennifer. i really thought that the twist was gonna be that the squid that jennifer was stuck in was the one that ben summons and that was why they were connected. not the fact that they both just had reactive magic particles in them that anyone could have set off. like what if jennifer being cut out of the squid was what killed ben?

OH! what if jennifer was an eldritch horror from the same dimension that bens tentacles are from and for some reason she wants to kill the brellys/end the world and because bens powers are linked to her she can control his mind ???? c'mon i feel like i've got something here

a have a couple of other ideas but don't know where they would fit in rn so yeah.

[bizarrelittlemew]

tagged by @saltpepperbeard @summerlinenss @edsbacktattoo @xoxoemynn @jaskierx a while back to share my fav fics i've written!

my favorite thing i've ever written has to be Five Birthdays and a Funeral (6 chapters, 57.8k words, E), so i'll start there.

this fic focuses on Stede navigating depression and anxiety while finding himself and figuring out his feelings for Ed, and its thesis statement is very important to me - that the whole "you have to love yourself before you can love others/before you can be loved" thing is a lie, and that you don't have to be a perfectly "healed" human being before you can love and be loved in return.

i put a lot of personal stuff into it, which was both scary and cathartic, and the response has been incredible and extremely validating. seeing how this stuff resonates 🥹 made me feel less alone (and i always love it when people shout at me about ketchup lmao) 💗 and along with the heavier stuff, it has strong romcom vibes, some of my fav Ed/Stede banter i've written, and lots of smut which i have on authority (from lovely readers) is very hot 😌

next, i'm pretty proud of A Series of Cases of Penetrating Stab Wounds of the Abdomen - a short fic (1.9k words, T) written entirely as a scientific paper in the (fictional) Republic of Pirates Medical Journal! it was extremely fun to find a way to make a narrative work in this format (and i especially love the footnote referencing Roach inventing ye olde toppe surgery) 🤸

i have a soft spot for In the sack (2 chapters, 8.3k words, E), which has a mix of innkeeper domestic fluff/smut, character study relating to Stede and clothes, exploration of why both Ed and Stede might find freedom and empowerment on either side of dom/sub play, and Stede getting to wear the onesie of subification 😌

lastly, this is my least-read fic (which is to be expected for fics with crew member POVs, though it actually has a lot of Ed and Stede being obnoxiously in love), but one of my favs is Bathtub beginnings (4.1k words, M). i just love the 60s New York vibes and think it came out really well ✌️

if you see this and want to talk about your fav fics you've written, consider yourself tagged 💗

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reviews: Netflix Avatar: the Last Airbender (Book 1)

(Thanks @knightsweeties for this cute GP)

Now I have AVOIDED looking at spoilers, and opinions of others until After I had made my own conclusions.

A lot of people are mixed on this series. With only one thing being consensus:

The last airbender movie < Netflix Avatar the last Airbender < Avatar the last Airbender

Aside from that, opinions have been all over the places. On how great or how bad the show is.

I will be going over my thoughts on it in the following categories.

The Action (fight scenes)

The Effects (from bending, CGI, and costumes)

The characters

The Plot

The changes

Does it capture the Spirit?

How does it stand on its own?

Conclusions.

(Spoilers below, but let’s get Right into it)

____________________________________________

The Action

So I’m going to say this. The action in this series is great. In my opinion it’s the strongest point in the series.

The battles from invasions, to simple one on one fights are very well done, some aspects even surpassing the original. Like the invasion of the Northern Water Tribe, you really feel the place is under attack.

And the bending battles are pretty gorgeous. It’s impressive to see the fight between Katara and Paku done serviceable well.

Though one flaw is the fact that sometimes showing the fight or attack actually took away from the impact of story beats done in the original. Seeing the attack on the Air Nomads actually took something away from it. Seeing Aang discover that horror is much less impactful.

And seeing Zuko fight in his Agni Kai against his Father also took a lot of bite from the scene. If Zuko never fought back it would have been so much more traumatic.

But they were still good fighting scenes.

Solid 9/10

____________________________________________

The Effects.

The Costumes in this are Gorgeous! Especially Kyoshi warriors. The characters mostly look as if taken straight from the cartoon. The Face stealer himself being ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING to look at in Live action. He is a sleep paralysis demon.

Appa and Momo both look great. The effects of the cities, and the blending are beautiful.

The bending also looks pretty clean. Though I admit the water bending was a bit lacking but the Fire looked ESPECIALLY fierce.

There is so much detail jam packed in this it’s amazing.

Though, I will say that it’s not flawless, some of the things do come off a touch goofy. But that could be more of uncanny valley with some of the bending.

8/10

___________________________________________

The Characters

And it wouldn’t be Avatar without the Characters in it.

And before we do anything, let me say, ALL of the characters look like the character they are playing. It’s like Netflix genetically modified them to Look like the character.

Dallas James Liu’s Portrayal of Zuko is PERFECT. Matching Season 1 Zuko’s personality to a T.

Zuko actually gets more development and his relationship with Iroh and the Crew are expanded upon more. That Funeral scene with him and Iroh broke my heart.

Maria Zhang’s Suki is also an incredible performance.

DANNY PUDI AS The Mechanist. (They cast Abed!) that was a fun surprise.

But now that we talked about what I loved about the characters… now to get to the negatives.

Aang feels so mopey. Yes Aang has his sad moments. But instead of being a hyper optimist with a penchant for fun, he is more like a depressed kid that has occasional bits of being a kid. I don’t blame the Actor, I just feel it’s more the writing

But if Aang got a downgrade in character, Katara was SHREDDED to practically nothing. The strong yet caring Katara was so… Passive. Even her big moment fighting Paku felt so… lack luster. It pained me to see this girl who was so strong come off so… passive.

Sokka did lose a chunk of character and development, but it wasn’t AS detrimental as one would believe. It’s still cruddy. But there was some stuff added that helped cushion the blow.

Appa and Momo were not as present because expenses (but at least they were fine)

King Bumi is dead. I don’t know WHAT was the plan behind Bumi, but this felt so… twisted and off. This isn’t the Bumi that taught Aang the lesson about how not everything is as it seemed. It hurt me to see such an accurate look be so inaccurate.

Azula and her friends felt like a down grade. I know what they were trying to go for. But I just didn’t feel that EDGE she had. It felt so.. pitiful.

On a positive

Jet and his team were still fun and a bit psychotic.

Ozai actually coming off as more competent.

And Admiral Zhao being incompetent yet super Egotistical was a change I welcome.

The bounty hunter Jun, flirting with Iroh was a change I wasn’t expecting but loved.

The Face Stealer may have looked more terrifying… but his actual action was mid… aside from the nightmares.

The rest of the character acting was a mix.

I gotta put this at… 5/10

When most of the main cast feels so bland it really takes away from the story.

____________________________________________

The Plot

So the season still follows the general plot of Book 1 of ATLA.

Katara and Sokka find the Avatar who got frozen for a long time. They go travel to help Aang find a Waterbending master so he can start learning to bend and save the world.

Now interestingly since it only has 8 episodes it sort of Blends together several plots into one episode. And this causes a lot of changes… and the effects of it are… well… a mixed bag at best and almost completely undefinable at worst.

Episode 4 being especially messy.

Now there are additions and changes from the original because of the constraints of Live Action.

Like not specifying that Aang has been gone 100 years, and actually changing certain story beats to references in order to save on time.

In some cases, it’s understandable. In facts being a one to one retelling would be boring.

The problem is that the story feels more like it’s pushing the characters rather than the characters pushing the story. Aang had agency, but now there is even more forced Agency.

I did like the changes that made the fire nation more competent. (I’ll discuss further in the next section)

But overall, I felt that the story was speed blitzed and super monologue heavy at its worse. It’s nothing incoherently awful. But it’s very lacking.

4/10

_________________________________________

The Changes

There were a Lot of changes done to this in comparison to the original series. So for this. I decided to make a new system.

I will list the change. If you see this Symbol (+) it’s a change I am fine with. If you see (-) it’s a change I didn’t like. And if you see (\) it means I’m indifferent to it.

-Fire Lord Sozin wiped out Air benders in person (/)

- Aang got lost in a storm by accident, not actively running away (-)

- Katara and Sokka lose the feminist development (-)

-No penguin sledding (- -)

-No Haru (-)

-Avatar Kyoshi take over (+)

-Zuko has a journal about the Avatars (+)

- Jet in Omashu (/)

-Teo and his father in Omashu (+)

-Bumi is jaded. (-)

-Secret tunnel early (-) (it’s weird that Sokka and Katara go in there, there is more I don’t like but I will just leave that out for now)

-The Funeral for Iroh’s son. (+++)

-The Agni Kai with Ozai was changed (-)

-The crew of Zuko is revealed to be the division that would have been sacrificed. (+)

-Aang never Water bends (-)

-Azula’s whole character alteration, and earning the blue flames (-)

-Less Serious Roku (-)

-Koh’e whole deal (-)

- Zhao’s death is different. (-)

-Yue having a bigger connection to Sokka (+)

-Fire nation demonstrates far more competence (+)

-

There are more but most of them I’m more understanding because of Time Constraints.

I will give credit that a lot of the changes I didn’t like but they did try something.

3/10

______________________________________

Does it capture the Spirit?

This is where I have to say Kind of.

When you see the references, Cameos, and the small details. You can tell there is some love for the original series. The attention to details and the bending choreography is gorgeous and Almost seamless.

It’s where we get to the core of the show that feels different.

For example. The Netflix version of One piece. There are a TON of differences, but the core of the characters felt the same. The spirit of the show was still clear. It was handled with love.

With this series, I can say there is a respect for ATLA, but the core seems to have a different focus.

So I put this at 5/10

As there are some things that you can see have reverence, but other things that don’t.

_________________________________________

Conclusion.

The stark defenders of the show say you shouldn’t compare it to the Original because it will seem worse. While also then comparing how much better it is compare to the live action movie.

Here’s the truth, if you watched ATLA, you are not going to expect this show to be better than the original.

If you didn’t watch the original show, you would probably be entertained, and since this show explains basically everything, you won’t need to know as much as the viewer going in… but there is also a lot going on.

If you were to go in and watch this show with 0 understanding of the show. I’d say 6 maybe 7 out of 10.

But if you are a fan that cares about the show. I have to put it at 5/10

And that’s where I put it.

5/10

It is watchable, but I’m not absolutely smitten with it.

I’m willing to give book 2 a chance… but I’m iffy. On it.

[ganondoodle]

feeling much better now having gotten some sleep (the dont trust how you feel about yourself past 9pm is good advice no joke)

of course all my criticism of totk still applies but im feeling less depressed about it, tho i will say its honestly kinda baffling how many times the game actually got me interested and excited about stuff and then just kinda drops it in a dead end, of course they were those kind of things in botw as well but it seems much less .. balanced in totk

(not even just the big things like making me want to actively do something to help zelda turn back when it just gets solved on its own in the end, but also some lil things like the fact that so many NPCs tell you about that newly discovered animal species and when you find the dongos they are just gem vending maschines)

in the end i can say, no, i dont like totk, tho i still love the graphics and the way the world is made ( botw showed me jsut how immersive and alive a world can feel i love it to death), i liked the gameplay and that it kept the freedom botw had established, the bossfights are mostly fun (tho i wish you could refight more of them), i LOVE the yiga and im glad they got more of a spotlight, the music is FANTASTIC i keep catching myself humming along, alot of the sidequests are much bigger and feel like you are actually doing something, i like how the sages are a bit more integrated into the story, the majority of the new designs are great, both the japanese and german voice acting is great, and the end fight has some of the best build up i have ever experienced, my heart starts to race when that music build up starts even tho i have beaten it 3 times already-

however, the story is both simple and incredible flat with lots of stuff that doesnt make sense especially when it was said to be a sequel, the zonau should have stayed a mystery imo, they failed to make me care about them even a little bit and often felt forcefully crammed into the world and its history, i think you could have told an incredible story taking place in the present and leave the past be the past, you easily could have connected botw and totk in a much better way than they did, i dont like how it changes aspects about botw all the while nigh ignoring it ever happened, it still feels like it was trying to be a replacement and not a sequel and all the referencing and callbacks to the old titles may have been done in good faith but that and including time travel yet again ultimately lead to people ripping each other to shreds over trying to prove its placed in the old timeline despite it making no sense at all and confusing people even more; often when the game made me care or be excited about something it was dropped in a dead end, there was a ton of missed opportunities and lost potential to tell a much more nuanced and interesting story/lore, and thinking about it only makes me sad for the things that could have been

overall i think my disappointment is outweighing my fun and the only way i can keep playing it while having fun is ignoring everything that isnt, which works quite well most of the time since im pretty much done with all story stuff but i keep slipping into my little rants nonetheless; i will say its making me a little worried about the future of the franchise, but i know im in the minority and maybe i will just have to accept that the new stuff wont be for me anymore and i should not hope for anything that interests me xD

except for some meme material or specific characters i love i dont think i will make much use of anything totk tried to establish, and i hope thats fine with the lot of you (<3) hopefully that also means my ranting days are over xD

anyway, back to making niche art i go! (sorry for making you endure these long ass rambling posts :,) )

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 1/2/2024

it’s quite satisfying how the year started on a monday

listening

first song of the year: how could it be anything other than Sabata. this is the theme from the titular Sabata, i meant to pick the theme from Return of Sabata but im not mad about it.

-

reading

i read Tim Marchman’s Popping Tins newsletter (a newsletter about fish and seafood) less bc i enjoy locking Mack in the bathroom every time i want a tuna melt and more for the droll authorial voice. i have bought a tin of mackerel after reading some entries, and it was very good but much much richer than tuna.

What should I do with this can of krill meat?

after consulting the importer’s website:

This is accompanied by a photograph of the can featuring easily-discerned black eyes, which are nothing to be concerned about, according to the company that produces this can. The first question on its FAQ page is “What are the little black speckles in my can?” “No need to be concerned here!” the answer reads. “Your meat is not dirty, and you did not get a defected can. Our Antarctic Krill meat contains the most nutritious parts of the krill, which happen to include their eyes.

…

The risks here are clear: I could vomit when I open the can and see the nutritious black eyes staring at me; I could destroy the peace in my home by making it smell like sautéed and simmered krill; and/or I could ruin a perfectly delicious lunch by introducing nutritious eyes and hard bits of chitin.

i have no memory of how i found this newsletter.

i keep forgetting i have ten hoopla credits a month through my old library and i want to read more comics this year bc reading comics is fun. in the past in practice this means ive binged all ten credits over a weekend. this weekend i had time for exactly one.

The Riddler: Year One is an extremely direct tie-in to the movie and i think it’s neat they let the riddler’s actor paul dano go wild with his backstory and then turn it into a comic. it’s fun when actors get to do weird tie-in shit.

(non-sequential pages)

watching this forensic accountant’s brain crack and scramble like an egg as he struggles to really grasp the enormity of gotham corruption and why the city is such a dogshit miserable place to live in made me go “oh huh that was a pretty good writing decision in the movie”. not that the riddler was terribly stable to begin with but the despair and the unraveling were very effectively conveyed. this comic has a lot of fun with funky layouts (left) and an entire issue (right) is conspiracy board shit on top of accounting forms which is a neat artistic choice.

deeply depressing but an interesting new little window into the rpatz batman (god i hope we get more rpatz batman films) and fun to look at.

how i found this: trawling the popular comics page on hoopla

-

watching

this is the seventh year of starting a new-to-me classic black and white movie around 1030/11 PM New Year’s Eve and i am annoyed i didn’t like the movie that started this year but, according to the data, it’s been fifty-fifty so far.

previous years have featured: sunset boulevard, yojimbo, the thin man, it happened one night, bringing up baby, the big sleep, and now roman holiday (1953, dir. Wyler).

this is the platonic ideal of a classic movie. it’s not sterile but it’s so… unobjectionable. wholesome (derogatory) even. not particularly what i was looking for in a movie but, much like the gelato and champagne that pop up, it was kind of a sweet nothing. i don’t think anyone eats any real food this whole movie?

this is never a movie that feels rushed. it is two hours of watching beautiful people traipse around a beautiful city in beautiful edith head costumes. i would not say there is a lot of tension for the first hour and a half. however, imo, it does land its ending and for that i can forgive it a great deal. this is another beautiful movie that is simply not for me.

-

playing

have you ever wanted an open world rpg where you play as a shark? congrats, this was apparently free on epic a while back

Maneater has a tremendously fun prologue where you play as the soon-to-be-dead mother shark who is absolutely going to town on a crowded beach and destroying multiple spear-gun-wielding divers and multiple boats full of citizens exercising their second amendment rights. this prologue is an excellent choice by the game bc it locks the fun part (eating people) behind several hours of really grindy shit. i am not entertained by the grind of eating progressively larger muskellunge, avoiding alligators, and collecting license plates. the grind is EXCEPTIONALLY grindy, i put about three hours into it and have only gotten to level 5 (teen) and have only two mutations i can sink loot into (four types of loot gained from eating other fish. this is too many types imo). i am not anywhere near a recommended level to start fucking humans up. im also not super impressed with the open world aspects of it— there are not a lot of things to do, discover, or interact with in the first two areas.

this seems like a really fun game that clotheslined itself with a cripplingly slow upgrade cycle. im sure the mid and late game are hysterically fun, especially on stream. however i am not willing to put in the hours to get to the fun part when i could immediately be having fun in some other game.

-

making

a lot of profoundly uninteresting cleaning. after not being able to figure out why my office (where Phil [no longer in heat. for now] lives) still reeks of piss even after stealing a blacklight from a friend and cleaning with a blacklight, it is of course bc she has been pissing in secret places i didn’t think she could get to. upside down smile emoji. both the girls got their monthly flea goop yesterday and were deeply unhappy about it.

most of my plants died in the move and i am finally tackling the survivors. fan favorite giant snake plant (not pictured, tidied up and inside) did make it and pull through but is not happy about it. now that i have baby basil and baby dill sprouting in the kitchen i do need to do something with the balcony so they have somewhere to grow up study and strong.

also slammed that silly little blondeyes NFT thing up on the archive

[luchicm04]

lost in the forest - part 33

Masterlist

Summary: A glimpse of how the other characters see what is happening and what they think about it.

Pairing: Senju Tobirama/Original Female Character

Tag: #lost in the forest fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 3.1k

Sorry for the delay!! I've been real busy with school and my personal life. Also, I've been uploading a lot of stuff to my recent tumblr account if you want to check it out. Anyway, thanks for reading and please like/reblog :3

Overall warnings: canon-typical violence, adult content, time skips, angst

The engagement has not made his routine change significantly; his work is ordinary between bureaucracy, processes and numbers that have long been entrusted to him, leaving aside the classified and shinobi matters. Hashirama is a person who has been able to give a start to that woman.  

At first it was curiosity, then dept for the treatment they gave her when she was just an unexpected traveler from such a faraway place. Karen is not ordinary... not like the other kunoichis, much less like the civilian women he has dealt with.  

She is noble without being too noble, organized, intelligent and attentive.  

With her common terrors... with her way of overcoming things.  

He has been watching her since she arrived... and he can’t help but feel that his heart is tightening with an emotion that he keeps deep inside his heart from the eyes of inexperienced people... from her. But not from Madara, who arches his eyebrow in amusement at him in his sullen way, observing him carefully after a meeting.  

Karen had left with an attentive Tobirama, willing to continue with her own work and review the agreements that he had asked her to give them a new perspective. The Hyūga was trying to join with certain conditions, and both the Nara clan and its allies had also begun to seek the benefits of this alliance.  

But that was the least of his worries. “Don’t say anything.”  

“For the Sage’s sake... you are stupidly obvious,” Madara rolls his eyes crossing his arms, sitting there in his office with a sadistic look, having fun at the expense of his feelings.  

He doesn’t blame him... but this just makes him huff.  

“...” Hashirama does not give him any comments.  

“Tell me, are you really not going to do anything?”  

“No.”  

“Tobirama sees your intentions.”  

“They are not bad.”  

“I know, but seriously... friend?” he mocks with a light laugh. “Even Izuna told me about the engagement. For a moment he thought that you...”  

“I will not leave Mito.”  

“I know, but...” he snorts slightly. “It wouldn’t be not rare for you to have... lovers.”  

“My father never had children outside of his marriage with my mother.”  

“Yes, but nobles usually do it.”  

“As you said, nobles. We are shinobis... there is no point in overthinking things.”  

“Mmm... you’re an idiot.”  

“I’m not.”  

“However, I won’t judge you if it benefits my clan. The alliance with the Uzumaki will give strength to our bases, with your marriage.”  

“Mmmm...”  

“That’s why you haven’t left her, right?”  

“Madara... don’t go there.” He gets a little depressed seeing how his friend knows him so well. “Tobi... he promised to protect her.”  

“Are you satisfied with that?”  

“That’s enough for me.”  

“If you say so,” Madara shrugs. “As long as she marries into our clans, that’s fine. Karen-san has shown to have a good head, even though she is a civilian... with interesting concepts.”  

“I told you.”  

“Izuna feels that she is too unrealistic, and the council is still upset about adding her in external consultancies.” He said the last part awkwardly given how new the word is in the vocabulary of the passionate clan. “But her points have denoted the capital leak.”  

“Yes.” He is proud of those optimistic comments.  

“I hate you for marrying her into your clan... I’d rather have her within mine.”  

“Madara.”  

“What? I’m not lying. Your move in front of the Daimyo to promise her to your brother was smart. If I had been faster... I assure you, Izuna wouldn’t let anything hurt her.”  

“...” Hashirama frowns, not being able to Karen marrying into another clan other than his own.  

“But that’s not the point,” the man with wild hair raises his hands with an amused laugh. “If something happens...”  

“You already said that.”  

“It’s just an idle comment,” the cheeky Uchiha accepts, proceeding to focus on reviewing some missions requested for them to work together.  

Tobirama and Izuna will soon go on another mission. Hashirama is sure he could handle it for now, until someone else is able to cope with the hatred that still lingers.  

Teamwork is difficult... but he believes in a future where they will be able to cooperate.  

He smiles. Hashirama sees that this dream is so notorious... and if it weren’t for her, he wouldn’t have achieved it in the best way. His friend is now his ally, formerly his enemy... he laughs internally.  

And even if he can’t marry her... having her working by his side is not so bad, even if it hurts his heart... even if he wanted more, he wouldn’t do anything... because he is faithful to his word and Mito deserves his respect.  

She has waited so long for him.  

He knows.  

She loves him.  

Although he... doesn’t know how to feel about it.  

──

Tobirama accompanies her. Many of the clan whisper, but do not have the courage to point out anything even though the engagement was long awaited by so many. Him, not so much, taking care of everything since Karen is not usually very observant in details outside of regular work.  

She is incredibly intelligent and organized, but when it comes to things like the engagement and surely the wedding, she is not so excited about carrying it out... and in some ways, it bothers him.  

But he won’t say anything.  

“You know you don’t have to come with me.” Karen brings him out of his thoughts with her light voice and a snort worthy of someone tired of his presence. That tone irritates him, but he only raises his eyebrow. “The garden is not that far away. And Kaori just needs some tomatoes and vegetables.”  

“I have time.”  

The civilian rolls her eyes. “By the way, Mito-san mentioned that the fabric is finally ready.”  

“Mmmm...”  

“She said Mrs. Kyoko will be excited by the quality and softness it possesses.”  

“The yukata... is important.”  

“I know,” the woman shrugs. “At least it will be comfortable.”  

“You could have more of that fabric. I shall tell them to make everyday clothes for you.”  

“There’s no need.”  

“...” Tobirama doesn’t say anything. He will ask for extra clothes for the girl anyway... even though she is modest, it is normal for her to want more yukatas.  

“Tobirama, I’m serious.”  

“We have a lot of fabric.”  

“Will you also get more for you?” she asks, looking at him from top to bottom. The shinobi is unfazed because his standard clothing is all black. He is only missing his usual armor, which he has begun to stop using within the compound and the alliance region.  

Of course, he is still waiting to be attacked by some Uchiha, but the few he has seen outside their area only look at him with slight tones of revenge that they do not dare to carry out due to the value of the contract with their clan leader.  

He still hasn’t gotten very used to this peace.  

However, his brother has managed to make the change.  

“I am fine like this,” he replies with a dry tone.  

“Seriously... won’t you be wearing more comfortable clothes at home?” the woman questions his appearance with an incredulous tone. Tobirama remains thoughtful at the mention of ‘home’ but keeps it to himself.  

“I do not need it.”  

“Well... if you buy me more, you will also make matching ones for yourself,” the girl states easily. “If not, then... I won’t accept the new yukatas.”  

“That is not something you can decide.”  

“Come on... You have decided everything about the house, the wedding and engagement date... at least let me have a say in your clothes.” Her tone is irritated, but he sees that the woman stores much of the bitterness that she wants to let out.  

Sometimes Tobirama wonders when he stopped wanting to dissect the girl and became so accustomed to her presence that he began to read her very well, and what her life must have been like before reaching this point.  

Nevertheless, he won’t ask. It’s not his business, even when he sees her so sad...  

It bothers him.  

“Do what you want,” he bites bitterly.  

“Yes!” she applauds amused, starting to plan to visit Kyoko together. He rolls his eyes. He is not interested in being part of her own agenda, but he allows himself to be dragged... at least to the garden, where many greet them.  

He feels comfortable. People no longer treat her badly, not even as a foreigner, so he leaves her after a while of making sure that things will go well.  

He doesn’t know how, but he always ends up getting involved in things that should interest him little.  

Whatever... Tobirama decided to go back.  

Being added to a mission with that stupid Izuna wasn’t strange. The strange thing was that he didn’t want to leave.  

At least, he hopes to finish before his brother’s wedding.  

He wants to be on time.  

──

Kaori was the caretaker of the boys of the main line, from the time Butsuma was in charge until his eldest son rose imposingly as the undisputed leader of the clan. Such a strong man...  

She is so proud of him... almost like his mother would have been.  

Unfortunately, Rukia didn’t live long after the birth of her last child.  

“Kaori-san?” someone calls, taking her out of her thoughts, which makes her blink to focus on that civilian that she has welcomed as her new charge at the request of her adorable leader and his brother.  

“Oh, good morning,” she greets with a soft smile.  

“Is there something wrong?”  

“Nothing is wrong, Karen-san,” the old woman assures with a motherly smile. “Have you already had your measurements taken?”  

“Yes. Thank goodness Kyoko-san knows Tobirama’s,” she laughs amused by some strange memory that she surely had with the man. Who would have thought that she would be so attentive to send him to prepare matching yukatas.  

Although she is not sure that Tobirama is comfortable with it, because she knows how stubborn he is and how used he is to being in his war clothing. At least he has stopped using the armor as he always did.  

A pleasant change that she suspects the civilian has a lot to do with.  

“Yes, I am sure he would not go on his own.”  

“I know.”  

“By the way, how did you convince him?” she asks curiously with a gesture to the civilian who continues her way to the kitchen. Soon it would be time to eat, so they both usually spend time in that place.  

It is larger than in the previous house and surely Hashirama’s brother prepared it knowing his future wife’s quirks... cute from her point of view.  

“Oh, that’s not a strange story,” the girl says with a simple laugh. At least she has left that depression about missing her family... one that she tried hard to hide, but this old woman has years of experience as a nanny and a capable kunoichi.  

She is easy to read.  

“It is not?” she encourages her curiosity to be calmed.  

“Well, he said he would make me yukatas.”  

“Oh really?”  

“Yes. I told him no, unless he made some for himself.”  

The olw woman laughs amusedly, conforming something she has been thinking for a while. “Oh... that would have not worked before.”  

“No?”  

“No. He is very obstinate.”  

“I’ve noticed it.”  

“At least he listened to you.”  

“Yeah. Also, the Daimyo and Mito have brought a lot of fabric. I’m thinking about making yukatas for Matsuo, Mikami and you, too.”  

“Not at all. That would be a waste for the bride and groom, so keep the fabric to yourselves.”  

“Uh?”  

“It is a tradition that what is given is for the use of the family... which I hope grows soon,” she says, imagining small children around the beautiful patio that has been arranged for the civilian.  

Her maternal and grandmotherly instincts are thrilled, so much so that she ignores the woman’s tension over such a comment.  

Excited for the future...  

Butsuma and Rukia would be proud of this... She prefers to think so.  

──

Mikami owes her so much despite their sullen beginning. Teaching etiquette classes, she became her appreciated and valued person... like a sister who is willing to protect her from everything that could hurt her.  

Even if she doesn’t realize that she is supporting her, she will have her back.  

So, she did not avoid looking with slight doubt at the woman with a sad expression on the edge of the river that runs so close. It is not strange to find her here thinking. Kaori lets her be despite the dangers around.  

Despite the years, the trauma makes her doubt anyone of the opposite gender.  

“You should not be alone,” she scolds lightly, starting to walk towards the rock which is being occupied by the civilian. She blinks in recognition.  

“Uh... Kaori-san told me it was fine.”  

“I know, but you have to be careful. Not everyone is like Hashirama-sama and the others.”  

“You almost sound like Tobirama.”  

“Do I?”  

“He told me the same thing... but with more jabs,” she laughs carefully, as clear as she usually is, and strong in her own way that makes her proud.  

“Mph... He will be your husband. It is normal that he cares for you.”  

“Yeah.” She seems indifferent to the marriage.  

“Now that Kaori-san is not here, you know you can tell me what really worries you,” she points out because her engagement is so strange, considering their previous interactions and how she is.  

Although she is oblivious to the feelings of her leader’s brother, she knows her friend is oblivious to love.  

She never saw her fall in love with anyone even though the council was persistent in caging her. That it was Tobirama who managed to do it is not abnormal, considering their work together, but it still seems weird and sudden.  

No matter how many years have passed since he met her... there is still something missing.  

“What are you talking about?”  

“Your marriage,” the kunoichi states directly. “And the appearance of the Daimyo.”  

“Uh...”  

“It has something to do with it, right?”  

“...” Karen looks at the sky from a distance. The noise of the river is relaxing while the forest dances to the sound of that soft summer air. “I... I don’t know what to tell you.”  

“The truth.”  

“I can¡t.”  

“...”  

“That’s the only thing I can tell you. Hashirama assured me that it was better if only a few people knew.”  

“I see.” She sees the tension in the girl’s gesture... and even with those little words, she understands what this is about. A false engagement? A lie? She may not notice it, but she knows that Tobirama... might not be indifferent to it.  

For a moment, though, she thought that Hashirama would break his engagement with the princess of Uzu for the civilian.  

Perhaps she imagined it.  

“By the way... Matsuo-kun?”  

“He is now beginning to train his chakra system.” Bitterly, she wrinkles her nose at the treatment of that man’s family towards her son.  

Karen doesn’t say anything.  

“I am working on it. It is not that bad,” she tries to convince her friend when she noticed her annoyance. Her ways are still unusual in her eyes, but not odd within the clan.  

Even if he was punished... seeing her son reminds her of Ryu’s sin.  

“I’m sorry I reminded you of something so sad.”  

“Do not worry... it is something I have to overcome, right?”  

“...”  

“For Matsuo,” the kunoichi accepts with a laugh to sit next to her. The river is not such a bad place to relax and rethink what she will do next since soon, together with other women, they will begin working on missions paired with the Uchiha clan.  

She is scared... she wants revenge... but she left that behind a long time ago to carve a path without war for her little one.  

He does not deserve to grow up in fear of dying so young, like her brothers... like her cousins... like her parents.  

A world of peace that her friend has achieved together with her leaders, a dream she never thought she could have and hold on to... getting rid of the bitterness of working with her former enemies.  

For their happiness.  

──

Around the patio, Karen looks at the girl who is on the verge of collapse. Mito is such an expressive woman that since she declared that they will be something akin to sisters, she became highly eloquent, making her laugh as their integration becomes natural.  

She doesn’t know what to feel, because she doesn’t know what to feel about her upcoming wedding either.  

But that’s the least of it.  

“Come on, Mito-san. Everything will be alright.”  

“I... my brother and father have not arrived!” the redhead exclaims. Koari easily brings some tea to chuckle amused and disappear on the spot.  

“They will be arriving soon, no?”  

“Well, yes,” she huffs. “But Tobirama is also missing. That idiotic Hashirama sent him on a mission.”  

“It was necessary.”  

Mito frowns to mutter other things under her breath.  

“Come, sit and have some tea,” she says while sipping another bit of her drink. Things have been so calm and with tentative alliances coming... life isn’t so bad.  

She reflexes lightly with the weight of the marriage beginning to take root in her conscience. With Tobirama’s words that day... it is more enjoyable, although she still feels the sadness of remembering her family.  

More so considering her next birthday...  

Mito still remains her elegant self, taking a sip of the hot drink. “I cannot get enough of this tea.”  

“It’s good. Madara-san brought it the last time he came.”  

“Does Madara-san visit you?”  

“Not much. Only when he is passing by or when he leaves a meeting, really.”  

“Oh...”  

“Why?”  

“Well, you will marry Tobirama.”  

“Yes,” she blinks without understanding what the problem was.  

“You are a civilian.”  

“Uh-huh.”  

“Wow... it shows that you do not see the issue in this.”  

“There is nothing wrong in that.”  

“Maybe not where you come from,” Mito giggles amused. “You are engaged. Having a friendship with someone like Madara...”  

“I see.” Karen reflects on the comment logically, taking into account the culture in which she is participating. “He is a good friend.”  

“I know that they extended protection to you as a clan,” Mito admits. “I must say that I did not expect that from the Uchiha.”  

“Really?”  

“Yes. They have almost adopted you.”  

“...Tobirama didn’t explain it to me like that.”  

“Well... he will probably tell you another way,” the woman says amused. “For a civilian, you have many alliances.”  

Karen doesn’t reply anything. She looks at the stars a little more without thinking enough about things... it’s for the best.  

For now, she will remain expectant about what comes from the future... an uncertain one.  

A/N: An external chapter with different points of view. I hope you enjoy it. Hashirama’s wedding will be here soon, an awaited event along with other things.

As you can see, many have different opinions regarding Karen. Some are better than others, but no one is willing to let her go any time soon, and she doesn’t realize it.

What will happen? Will Karen notice? Will Hashirama do something? Will Tobirama clarify his strange feelings, or will he continue to deny it? Although I’m sure he hasn’t even realized it... because of how annoying it is to accept something he doesn’t want and he never thought he would have, even though he was forced to go along with this engagement.

Covering him with his duty to this peace that his brother has worked so hard for... There’s no one more blind than he who refuses to see, isn’t that right?

Thanks for your comments.

Author-chan out! 

[mdhwrites]

I still like TOH, but your comments have made me notice something about reviews praising it: namely, a lot of the elements praised are specifically described- Belos’s character, Luz’s depression, the dark themes, the serialization, etc- as being amazing for a kid’s show, and I think that’s a factor in why critical reviews tend to match fandom opinion. Namely, kid shows having understandable limitations leads to attempt at darker themes/big stories being praised as standouts as long as the execution is competent enough to not be noticeable. So while some people do acknowledge TOH’s flaws, they point out it’s still admirable the show made the attempts it did, especially with Disney’s public stance on what it pushes for in its cartoons.

So... I want to be kind first before I somewhat lose it because I am so SO TIRED of it being stated that TOH is different from other kid's shows. The Owl House is perfectly competent and entertaining in just its base elements. The animation is good, the voice acting is amazing, the feeling of teenagers is well captured, it's a lot of fun when it's interested in being fun and S1 has a lot of great ideas that earn a lot of good will with an audience and the plot line with Eda in S1 is genuinely amazing. After all, usually you don't have a character who is actively dying.

A theme they never actually address in detail. Eda doesn't feel like she's being held back by the curse very often and there's even one episode where it's used to re-enact a family guy episode of King trying to murder a toddler who won't let him be ruler of the playground. That... Isn't serious. In anyway. It's only serious when it's first revealed and the big sacrifice moment. After S1, it's barely a thing outside of Keeping Affearances.

This is the fundamental problem with The Owl House... And why it's so easy to praise. Yesterday I talked about how it screams its themes at the top of its lungs. How it is very blunt about how it wants to be perceived. Whether this is perception is earned or not is secondary to what it can easily state.

Which makes making an online article about how it's so different from other kid's shows, how it's the kid's show for those who don't like kid's shows, very easy. If you don't actually know much about kid's shows and how shit like Static Shock way back when was already addressing racism, having serialized content, etc. like that.

I mean, if we look at recent kid's cartoons, we have Steven Universe and Steven Universe Future. Gravity Falls. Amphibia does a lot of the same themes as TOH, with honestly about as much meaningful serialization, but also while being good, consistent and enjoyable. It earns its themes... But you have to dig for them.

So why have to scrape the barrel when the soapbox preacher is right there? This is part of the character arc problem too. Do you know how EXHAUSTING posts about "Look where they were and are now" by the end of S2? Where Amity would be a distinct, interesting, unique character in S1 but all they care about is that now she SMILES!

If you don't actually have to talk about the substance of her arc, if the show actually tackled any of its potential, complications, etc like that, it looks impressive. Then you talk to them about Winging it Like Witches or Understanding Willow, both frankly very much so kid's show episodes that something like Danny Phantom, My Little Pony, or Kim Possible would have and could have done, and suddenly it sounds less impressive, doesn't it? Not when you're describing episodes where Amity's past doesn't match her introduction at all and are obviously wiping away what makes a character arc interesting for "SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN GOOD! It's not her fault."

Sure. That's why she was willing to kill someone who didn't even lower her grade but instead just got someone else to be praised. And that's still S1.

Luz's depression is similar. You can have her make big statements that sound like they may imply she wants to die but they're still not willing to use the actual terms. Have Luz only suffer the absolutely loudest but worst stereotypes of depressed people like being constantly suicidal, pushing others away and not caring about them. 'But it's depressi-" No. As someone literally crippled by it, I don't want it being used as the excuse for literally the worst thing Luz does in the whole series, which is to just abandon an entire world to whatever fate she claims to believe she inflicted on it. I myself and a lot of other depressed people will tell you that it is FAR easier to help others, especially if you've hurt them, than any sort for yourself. But Luz's depression is used as an excuse for her to claim to keep caring about others when she is actually only serving herself and lying constantly to everyone around her while doing it. If that's great, depression representation, something most kids are still going to miss what it is, then fuck that noise.

But depression is a big topic right now so going "DISNEY'S FIRST MAIN CHARACTER WITH DEPRESSION!" sure is a headline, isn't it?

And let's quickly talk about the fact that TOH is very morally weird. It's not willing to do many big lesson episodes, hence why Episode 2 stands out so much to me, and a lot of its main cast has dubious morality. And... Then it doesn't really touch on morality either. It has no interest in it, even to the point of bad actions maybe getting a line or two said about them but then moving on.

As an example: Amity just wants to invade Luz's privacy. Period. She has Luz's phone and wants to be given an excuse to look into it. Talking to Willow, they could have a very real, very human conversation about how Amity's parents have taught her that such measures are okay because trust doesn't matter as much as control and how that's not okay. It could be a genuinely very adult moment for the series and maybe even have Willow talk about how Luz finding out so much about her past during Understanding Willow makes her uncomfortable sometimes because even if nothing bad surfaces, that was information given. By making all that a real conversation, which yes would have taken more time but let's face it, TOH honestly doesn't spend enough time setting its characters morals and letting them have conversations where there's real conflict between the two. And none of this is explicit or so dark or so boring that there's no reason a kid's show couldn't have it.

And do you want to know what you gain by making it a conversation like that? A real lesson to kids. A lesson that will prepare them for not only their own loves but for just how to handle others in general. TOH is still a kid's show after all. It should in theory be considering its audience and while not talking down to them, remembering they do need to still bring them into the conversation.

OR, YOU KNOW, HAVE WILLOW SHRUG AT THE QUESTION! And I could do a full breakdown as to why that's a real, human reaction to that question, even for someone like Willow. But I have to bring the real world, my life experiences, my sister's life experiences (and she's 30 while I'm almost 27) in order to explain why Willow is not blatantly being a TERRIBLE person by not calling Amity out.

And yes, that's when TOH is at its worst. It commonly just brushes off immoral behavior that isn't the end point of the plot as just a thing happening, like how Edric and Emira don't actually suffer consequences for their plan against their sister or how Luz is made to feel bad for stealing Amity's wand but then isn't attacked by Amity but put into a protective circle by her. A time out, sure, but one that leads to the ice glyph and her getting to save everyone.

A kid can learn the wrong lessons by the lack of consequences in the show and they're not going to learn a lot of good lessons from what is there. There's a reason why kid's shows are blunter than other media and they have morals. They're remembering that, especially in our modern age where one income households just DON'T EXIST that they have to pick up the slack and modern cartoons are doing that better than old 90s cartoons.

But do you know how much TOH reminds me of older cartoons like the 80s or 90s? With their villains who are evil for the sake of evil? With characters that can change on a dime, or the blatantly comic relief ones who don't have much character outside of that? The plotlines that are more about spectacle or statement which led to all those terrible PSA cartoon moments? Or hell, with how Amity ended up: The character who is blatantly only there to be the pretty girl that gets with the main character?

That's the thing: You want to say TOH is better than Teen Titans Go? Fine. That is obviously true. Who actually cares about and is praising Teen Titans Go though? When you compare it to the shows that people do praise, like Amphibia, Gravity Falls, etc., shows that not only teach and make kids better but also tell an engaging, full story with real themes, characters, developments, etc... What does TOH actually have? How much more serialized is TOH than say, the first season of My Little Pony? There were two episodes of build up for the Grand Galloping Gala before the finale and in TOH S1, you technically only need to see The Intruder and Covention, besides the pilot obviously, before you will understand almost everything going on in Young Blood, Old Souls and Agony of a Witch. There's more in S2 but most people agree that it's done competently at best, which is why people keep screaming about the shortening and I made an entire blog pointing out that S2 is bad because... The show is bad about serialization effectively.

And as a final note: I lived with a Star Wars and Star Trek fan for two years at the peak of Discovery being out and as wind up for Rise of Skywalker was going on. I lived on their couch and when they put on an almost 24/7 reel of 'reviewers' for these franchises, I heard a LOT of shit takes. A lot of the same shit being repeated with no real thought behind it, it being what was popular said (which goes into what makes people popular online versus being a mouthpiece for the popular opinion) and showing no thought or care about the actual system of production for things or the people behind it. A lot of people just blaming issues on one creator, or praising a single creator for all the good in something without talking about why they were attributing the problem to them. And yes, I know how hypocritical all of this is coming from some white dude on the internet no degrees, experience, etc like that. I just hope that my blogs show a little bit more real thought to storytelling to make it not as bad.

So a show where the popular, fandom consensus is that it's amazing, it states its themes making 'deeper' analysis easier and is very loud about its statements like they're original is going to be very popular to this type of review. Does this mean it's all disingenuous? Of course not. I started this blog by saying a lot of the reasons why the show is easy to like. Does it mean it has none of the depth people give it? No because a show trying this hard is going to manage successes sometimes though a lot of the times it then shoots those successes because it doesn't realize it's doing them.

But this statement that it is somehow better than things that have come before, is somehow truly groundbreaking while shows clearly paved the way for it so that it's just at the front of a wave it didn't have to make, and ignoring its flaws for all of these reasons, especially with "It's special because it's on Disney" or "It's only bad because of the shortening" is... REALLY tiring. To put it mildly.

A thing should be good because it's good. Not because it says it is or because you have to put modifiers on it to make it special. Shrek was groundbreaking not because it was made by someone other than Disney. It was groundbreaking because it genuinely looked at how it could parody the landscape around itself while making a genuinely good adventure and love story. Did it help that the creators wanted to give a middle finger to Disney? Maybe but I don't have to bring that up with what makes Shrek amazing. I can just say it's very good. In or out of its time.

The Owl House will only become increasingly less special and interesting as time moves forward and its big statements have to be yelled louder and louder to be properly heard. =======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[greycaelum]

Hi Grey, sorry if I'm bothering you. This is not a writing request or anything, just some rants. Still, I will be truly grateful if you read them.

To be honest, I feel pathetic writing you this, but I just need someone to vent to, or else I’ll go insane for real, as I've been depressed and restless ever since the last release of JJK, and you’re probably the person who understands closely to how I feel right now. After all, you actually are the person who made me fall deeper for this character.

So, let me take you back to the start.

I was bored. Until one day, I stumbled upon JJK on Netflix and ended up binge-watching all of the episodes in SS1 in one go. Since I don’t have much time to catch up on the manga from the beginning, I usually read spoilers on sites anonymously and somehow found your page despite not owning a Tumblr account. (I started reading manga from the episode where Satoru got out of the seal.)

Yes, I was indeed fond of Satoru before reading your works. However, I became obsessed with the version of Satoru you beautifully portrayed in the Kaleidoscope Series. I even got a baby fever. Me, the one who hates kids, pledged to myself that this bloodline would end with me.

In addition, the more I read, the more I became infatuated with him.

I told my bestie who also writes fanfic about how I love Satoru from your lenses. She told me that I should tell you this, as it would make a writer happy to know how much her stories have impacted me. That’s another justification for how I decided to write you this.

The happiness didn’t last long. As I said earlier, ever since the last episode, it has been like a world fell apart. I cried myself to sleep every night, and I felt stupid for doing so. Like, I shouldn’t let a fictional character have this control over me, but I just couldn’t help it. I was down to the point where I signed up for a Tumblr account to tell you this.

In case you’re still here, thank you for reading my nonsense. I feel a bit better after letting it all out. Also, I didn’t request any topic because I’d love anything you write from the Kaleidoscope Series.

Ps. I’m shy, so I’ll just send this message anonymously.

- 🩵🩷

Hi dearest one, this would never be a bother and I couldn't be more grateful that you took such efforts to reach out to me, thank you so much, I appreciate it more than you can imagine!

Please don't feel pathetic, okay? Your emotions are totally justifiable and I too feel the same frustration over the recent chapters. And even if Satoru is a fictional character, it doesn't make the feelings and emotions we experienced from him shallow, because for better or for worse we did love him and it is natural to feel devastated if you lose someone you love, regardless of whatever or whoever he/she is.

Kaleidoscope Series was made out of the idea "to soothe" and "comfort and rest" and I never have ever imagined that this little corner would grow enough to reach a lot of you. I am very grateful of how you have come to love KSeries, so much I want to hug you and give comfort after all that's happening in the manga.

Please do tell your friend thank you so much and, yes, it does mean the world to receive this kind of message, I am grateful and I couldn't emphasize enough how I appreciate this gesture from you!

Please feel a little better knowing what you're feeling is not insignificant, and I can relate how sad it is to lose someone you love. It's okay to cry, and even if Satoru may be "dead", he will be fine, you too will be fine. Time always do its work. He died in a way he saw fit, and he had fun...

This thought may not lessen the pain of his passing, but it does soothe us that he died with one less regret... And that is enough for him, he too has been standing up for himself far too long, he deserves rest.

Don't worry I am in my delulu world where Y/n is pregnant with their third babies. My commitment lies not on Gege 🫠🫣

Don't be too shy, I really don't bite~😆

—Grey,

[degendog]

hey! sorry in advanced for kinda spilling my guts, but idk there isnt really anyone else that ive found to talk to about this.

I’m trans masc, and recently, i made something thats like part strap-on, part dildo, and part packer. ive been wearing it and its been a adjustment, but ive been getting used to it.

ive also been trying to get off with it, but that hasnt been going super well. ive been trying to experiment recently, i've only really found that i get off to being called “good boy”, but just saying that to myself hasn't been very effective. (i tend to peek within the first 30 seconds, then go into something short of a depresive spiral for like 4-7 business days, which is why ive put off really trying anything until now.) so would you have any tips?

:3

hey man you’re all good. no shame in needing advice from horny transgenders on the internet lol.

im going to assume you’re pre-t bc of the macgyvered packer-dildo-strap, which i am very intrigued by if you’re willing to describe how that works. like. are you hard packing all the time? is it like a pack n play? did you make something yourself and if so what material? <-that’s more of a question for safety/hygiene reasons lol

everyone has a different relationship to jacking off pre-t. i barely ever jacked off bc it didn’t feel good before and id be crippled with dysphoria every time i stuck a hand in my pants. a pre t dude i know is wayyyy hornier than i am now. there’s no shame in whatever libido you have, especially considering how dysphoria can affect it.

my advice: take some of the pressure to cum off yourself. it’s okay if you don’t cum when you jack off, particularly if you’re trying something new. forcing yourself to chase an orgasm isn’t fun when it’s every time (forced orgasms are hot, but only when it’s fun for everyone involved). let yourself try shit out and see what feels good. look at ftm porn if you need ideas—particularly amateur work. there’s a lot on various subreddits, but i’d avoid r/ftmspunished (which is a transmasc kinky subreddit) for at least a while bc way too much of the content on there is feminization. not helpful when you’re trying to feel comfortable sexually as a man.

seriously though, looking at porn is a great way to find out what you’re into and what gets you going. i mostly look at amateur porn bc it’s less perfect and closer to reality to me. there’s usually less fantasy involved, so it’s easier to imagine yourself in that scenario. you can watch videos of other trans guys jacking off and try to copy their movements, for example.

as for the 30-second peak followed by the week of depression, that sounds like a high libido impacted by good old standard issue dysphoria to me. i actually had pretty bad bottom dysphoria myself up until a few months ago, even after years on t. what helped me learn to love my anatomy was realizing that i’m not a lesser man just because i’m trans. i don’t have to be a last resort. people can be attracted to me for me, including my transness. (and then i got a really fucking good blowjob recently that further confirmed that lol so. worth a shot). you’re not a lesser man because you’re trans, and you and your dick are still worthy of love.

also. for the love of god do not everyday pack with a dildo unless you have one of the specially made ones. use a rolled up sock as a packer if you can’t get a silicone one. i’ve been using a sock packer for like six years.

much love man

[brownhairedbookworm]

Monika paces behind the stage's curtains. She can't say she's not nervous, but she's not afraid to be out performing! If anything, she's giddy about it. This is the first time she's tried to put her foot out there to perform anything for a crowd, let alone her own work. Of course, she'll be opening with some less original music, just in case, but she's pretty confident.

The brunette straightens out her ponytail. She looks like she's put together well enough, probably. Dressed pretty casually, but she's not here for a big orchestral show or anything. Just a little bit of lounge music. Everyone's going to be a little tipsy and loose. They won't criticize her too harshly, if they do at all. No one's gonna throw drinks at her because she sucks so bad, right...?

Okay, maybe she is lacking in a little bit of confidence. She takes a deep breath and rolls the beads of her bracelet on her arms. "Come on, keep yourself on earth. You'll do fine, Monika... Everyone believes in you, no one's going to heckle you or do anything mean."

How desperately she wishes she could have invited any of the Literature Club girls out for this. Unfortunately, Natsuki's bakery is starting to have a holiday rush, Yuri is using the colder weather to forge her metal sculptures more comfortably, Sayori...

Sayori probably could have come, actually, but she hasn't been responding to texts today. Monika can handcuff her jealous, possessive side for long enough to let Sayori live her own life. Between school exams and seasonal depression, Sayori's probably putting in some longer hours at work. Nothing to worry about.

She hears her name over the intercom and makes her entrance to the sounds of some relaxed, scattered applause. Monika takes her seat at the piano's bench, playing a short scale to get her fingers ready.

"Okay, everyone! Thanks for having me. Before I start sharing anything new, let's start with something familiar. A song about drive, determination, and grasping success in your hands with your own power." She begins introducing the song, with its familiar and haunting piano notes...

Her own power... Yeah, she can handle this~

"If you had one shot. One opportunity. To seize everything you've ever wanted, in one moment. Would you capture it, or just let it slip?"

-----------------

And as her little show continues through the notes and chords, she only grows more confident. From the Eminem cover, around a more lounge appropriate version of Ruler of Everything, and right through a performance of Genghis Khan that made her feel perhaps a bit selfish and obscene... It's finally time to start bringing herself out there. Get ready to laugh at her high school work, everyone, oh boy...

"...Every day, I imagine a future where I can be with youuu...~"

...It's funny. She wrote this about that one person who didn't stick with the club. Now... Now she feels this same love for the girls she hurt so badly.

"...write your way into their hearts..."

Her fingers dance expertly to their destinations, adding flourishes and extra energy to places that once held a lovestruck teenage girl's awkward single-notes... Maybe it's time for a new final verse.

All my love, flowing free from my fingers, all around you three... I know love. And it shines for you all, from deep down inside of me. The ink flows down into a dark puddle You've written love into my reality. Listening to the sound of your heartbeats Friendship and love, here in our reality. And in this reality, if I forget how to love you I'll leave you be.

Her smile won't leave her face, as she brings her song to a close. "Thanks for having me, again, everyone. This has been a lot of fun!" Monika stands and takes a bow to a slightly bigger amount of applause, and she heads back behind the curtains.

[13eyond13]

What are your top 5 fav manga or anime? Why you love them?

omg see I'm kinda bad to ask for this one because I didn't get into anime or manga until my late teens when I watched Death Note (due to no regular TV and very strict rules around what I was allowed to read/watch growing up). I'm also really picky about it, and usually don't finish the series if they don't grab me pretty immediately or if I lose interest in them! So I'm gonna have to include ones I haven't fully finished just to round out this list, but:

Death Note - obviously! And I'm forever yelling at everybody to read the manga, because though I also was first introduced to it via the anime and think there are TONS of things to love about the anime it just has to be experienced in its original format to get the most out of it writing/art-wise, imo

Beastars - ngl I thought this series seemed really cringe when I just watched the first episode of the anime, like Zootopia meets Twilight, and the cheap-looking cgi animation kinda turned me off of it too. But once I switched over to the manga instead I was really charmed by the art style and by how clearly years of love and thought had been poured into this world and the characters by the mangaka, and how strange and dark and complicated the social dynamics of it all were. Finished the whole manga a couple years back, definitely recommend, particularly for the later parts where it moves past just being a high school drama/romance kinda thing

Yuri! on Ice - maybe the only other anime I ever fully finished watching, now that I think of it? Not perfect, but extremely cute and charming, and I loved Yuri as a character a lot

One Punch Man - I didn't watch past the first season, but this show made me lol constantly, and I loved Saitama so much (he has a lil bit of L energy at times). It also got surprisingly feelsy at times, like with Mumen Rider's part!

Mob Psycho 100 - another one I fell off watching whilst waiting for season 2, but I think it's so good and has extremely likable characters and a fun little world to explore (I am just THE LAZIEST about watching shows, so me stopping watching it doesn't mean anything much). It's a bit sweeter and also angstier than OPM, but for some reason I have fonder memories of watching OPM, so that's why it's ranked below it here

Some Bonus Ones I Like but Haven't Finished Enough of Yet to Feel Comfortable Ranking:

Naoki Urasawa's Monster - Very good! Very grim. Very realistic and tense. I am reading the manga rather than watching the anime, and I think it's definitely one I'd recommend if you really like the heavy themes and moral conundrums and crime thriller genre and whatnot that DN incorporates (though it's much less goofy than DN, which is maybe why I have a harder time finishing it... my appetite for goofy/depressing media is tremendous, but my appetite for solemn/depressing media just isn't very big)

Neon Genesis Evangelion - I watched about 1/3 of the anime and read the first 3 volumes of the manga! Really enjoying the manga, but have to wait to make more money before I can pay to read the rest hahaha. Idk how to explain that it kind of gives me David Lynch vibes?? Similarly weirdly dreamy and dark feelings to it. I love Shinji so much too. Idk it's definitely not a feel-good time, but I think it will be one of my top 5 faves after I finally get through the whole thing

[deaddee-anime-brownfanlady]

Fav Series to get to know me a little better.

Been seeing a few posts do this and thought it could be fun to try too. No pressure but feel free to join along if you want!

The Sandman- While I've read a few chapters of the comic (which I still need to read more of) par say, the Netflix show adaptation is so freaking good & seriously exceeded my expectations in terms of the visually effects also the storytelling is done so well & seeing Morpheus in live-action is also great too. So hyped for S2.

POSE- I swear this series doesn't get enough attention on it as far as I can tell. Because it's honestly I think one of the best shows I've seen so far, Set during 1980s America during the AIDs crisis with a mostly Black and POC casting that's focuses on Ballroom culture which offers a place of belonging to NY gay/queer communities. This show is a emotional roller-coaster that had me feeling so much for its great characters & it should be watched more by everyone because it's so good.

Arcane- Just seriously one of the best mature adult animated series thus far. Before I got into Arcane the only one or two thing I knew about it was hearing how awesome it was and that its based off of the long time popular online game League of Legends & that was pretty much it. But actually seeing this show upon first episode had me hooked from the start, everything dealing with this show is top-notch. From the fantastic, incredible 3d animation to the mature well-written compelling storytelling, along with well-rounded, morally complex flawed characters that feel so human in terms of the choices they make be it in the wrong or right, also the real banging soundtrack along with it. Just one of the bests series I so far seen.

Primal- Yet another example of really great adult animated series that have come out recently way ago. By the creator of Samurai Jack and Dexter Laboratory, Gennady Tartakovsky Primal is to me a good, well done showcasing of visual storytelling. Just a epic & awesome story about a caveman dub as Spear and his Dinosaur pal "Fang" that bonded over the loss of their families & now goes on a journey together through the violent prehistoric times. I consider this animated show to be akin to art, like a show with zero dialogue & all atmosphere & raw emotions. Just a piece of like animated art.

American Gods-Ah this show, Yet another one of Nail Gaiman works. I have a bit of some conflicted feelings on this show because while its so damned good and I seriously love everything about it on the premise of Gods and Deities from other cultures and mythology living within the modern world & trying to rebuild the influence they've once had on humanity & everything else how this show is put together in terms of visuals also storytelling is great...except for that damn cliffhanger and the fact that the show was cancelled...so yea. Still love it a bunch but eh...yeah.

Tuca & Bertie- Yet another fav adult cartoon show of mine that also got done so dirty yet again but also I feel don't get a lot of attention on it. Made by Lisa Hanawalt who in case you didn't know was the character designer of BoJack Horseman, and I would say Tuca & Bertie is like the less depressed and lesser cynical sister series of Bojack while still tackling some real heavy mature issues and problems. The world of Tuca & Bertie is one filled with mainly anthro bird people and dogs also talking plants people too. The show just has this more off-beat , zany , fun optimistic feel-good vibes going for it that's feels so inventing. But similar to Bojack in a way were its not afraid to get emotional serious about adult problems like sexual abuse or dealing with harassment & treating said issues with tact & maturity while still keeping the show overall light-hearted tone. Should be watched more.

The Midnight Gospel- The short way to giveaway on what this show is or deal with? Can be phase in one way. And that there's should be more animated Podcast. Made by Pendleton Ward the same man behind Adventure Time, I swear this show was quite the experience but in a good way. The animation is so trippy and yet so uniquely creative with using different styles. It follows a dude who goes inside a simulator to different worlds to try to interview people. The talks within this show can hit on many different levels with discussions of coping with loss and death or dealing with the struggles of hoping, a show you should take your time with, but so worth it.

Castlevania- I'll try to keep this one short & sweet. But another real awesome and oh so good adult animated series based off the classic game of the same title. great and amazingly done action /fight scenes as well as also just as wonderfully engaging and entertaining characters that you'll truly end up feeling so much for and the crap they have to deal with. Fantastic beautiful animation also the storyline and plot is just as good as the look of the show. Truly another banger.

AMC Interview with a Vampire- Now, this might sound like a controversial statement. But I deeply think and feel that this series version of interview with a Vampire is ten times more better then the movie. Not! That the movie is bad or anything, I very liked and enjoy the movie...but it never been one of my top fav movies to be honest. But the show on the other hand is so Top-notch on many levels, especially with the great performance of each actor. So Love Jacob Anderson playing as Louis de Pointe du lac and with him as an black man during 1900s America and how that's play into dealing with his vampirism, also his sexuality in terms of black queerness and showing the intricacies of the many challenges also jump ropes a black man having to keep the front of hypermasculinity especially black masculinity in a time era were being black your already seen as less than human is written so damned well. Also Sam Reid playing Lestat De Lioncourt is so fucking both great and entertaining to watch like for real, and Claudia in this show I feel is so much better then the one in the movie. Like I felt so much for her in this series. Like its so good.

Documentary Now- One of my most favorite comedy series that's never fails to creak me up. Like for real if you're interested in or into mockumentaries style of comedy then this show right here is right up there. Each episode focuses on a different "documentary " topic from dealing with a band rise & fall from success to the son of a famous chef overcoming his fears of chickens and taking over for his dad to a broken man that's ends up having a deep connection with a monkey. This show is just something else ^0^ .

Final Space- Final Space is probably one of if not the best adult animated series that I truly feel belongs right alongside with Bojack-Horseman to be honest. It's severely underrated in terms of adult animation which I think it's a shame because it really surprises me with how good it ended up becoming. At first glance looking at this sci-fi themed average typical comedy adult cartoon ended up being and becoming a much more well-rounded, emotional thought out very developed top-notch mature series. What I love about final space is that unlike other so-called “adult” animated shows is that it doesn’t try so hard with its adult humor or go overbroad with how much it tries to make it so “adultlike” such as having non-stop cussing or unnecessary super crude gore or out of place sex & nudity ( which I feel isn't always a bad thing when done right...but some adult cartoons tend to go overboard with it) This show has such a great balance of its comedy while also not afraid to get emotional serious about loss & grief or deal with some real heavy dramatic moments that are treated as serious as can be & isn't treated as a joke or a one off thing like how it would in certain other adult cartoons. One of the most mature animated series I've had the pleasure of watching & still pissed that it was done so wrong.

Welp that's about it! Sorry if this got too long ( ￣▽￣). This is just a couple of series I love. Tag in if ya'll want too!

@iamnmbr3 @dorkynerd23 @lokomotives

@feministfandomforever @uncleasriel

@zinexine @itwv-brainrot @vulgar-mary-p-ppins @captainbarinius @eddawrites @that1-otter @ghostbauhaus @freedom-and-beyond @dreballinarts @youlackconviction @toe-star @gey-scout

[sh4tt3rg1rl]

GOOD…UH…4 AM TO YOU

I HAVE THOUGHTS

TIME TO SCREAM THEM

So, uh, guess who made a scene continuation/extension for “Sun-abstraction bad ending”

Would you like to hear it

-

SHWHSJCKSJSJDIDJSJJD ALL THE SHIPS WITH MY CHARACTERS ARE BEING REALLY CUTE RN *SOBS* I CANNOT I CANNOT

-

One of these days I really need to make a color key for my text colors. Because I actually put a lot of thought into those. For example, all the new characters/“the dnd people” have a secondary color in common once they end up in the circus, but their primary color remains consistent with what it was beforehand. Or how dusk’s domain all have bolded regular text. Witches all have bold chat font. Kit’s voice will turn orange depending on how much she’s in control/how “human” she is. Etc.

-

TW: depresso espresso, like Easton levels of depresso espresso

….So I made a character. Again q.q

The Depths has been wanting for an “avatar” for a while. Almost every other major area either has its personification or is populated with them. Compass and the manor have Northeast. Candleton is populated, but also has Alpenglow and Ciapollo (yeah I made up that ship name on the spot). The lake doesn’t, but we’ve seen the lake less than the Depths. I was apprehensive to try and make one because Alpenglow kind of took on that role for a while, but I decided to heck it and made this guy anyways. It also gives me an excuse to ramble about just what the depths is supposed to be.

So, as evidenced by how blue it all is, the depths start out as the manifestation of Easton’s…problems. Depression on hypothermia-filled steroids. It was supposed to be a minor “hey, uhhhhhhhh so what happened to these two was really serious and here’s a very tangible demonstration of that” for Sun. That begs the question on whether Northa has her own part of the woods, but that’ll come later.

Anyways, that’s nice and all, but then Alpenglow showed up.

She ended up permanently changing how I made the depths function, because her abandonment problems made it so that she’d be most vulnerable to something that claimed to love her. But for something to claim to love her, it’d need to be at least on a basic level of sentience. So I made the depths just a lil bit alive and moved on.

WELP NOW IT’S A LOT A BIT ALIVE

Meet…Ah, well, I don’t have a name for him yet.

I’ll just call him A.

A is what happens whenever a child personifies the woods so much that Dusk’s domain’s rules and mechanics allow it to create itself a personification. A is a manifestation and metaphor of…the freaking suicide woods, but Alpenglow’s “the depths loves me” greatly changed his personality, from presumably being something similar to Mix at his lowest to something more along the lines of Easton but very lonely and more hyperactive. He absolutely adores talking to people, and will actively help people through the woods with his lantern. He’s honestly just a sweetheart, but probably has severe problems because he is also THE SUICIDE WOODS so that’s probably not fun on his mental health, eh?

Also he gets a scarf. Aww.

-

Northa’s part of the woods also exists! It makes you feel incredibly small and helpless, and will generally recreate the feeling of being a lost child in a world that hates you. If there is a place of safety from this, it’s probably a similar “sugar-covered trap” to the blue depths’ “just give up and go to sleep”. Does it have an avatar? Probably. Would its avatar and that of the depths be a ship? Knowing me? Probably.

-

Yeah that’s it no I’m not gonna ramble about the personification of mental illness or what happened to that dnd group except to say that even with the lore dump you do not know the full story of what happened….

BYE-YA

I got so much out of this but for some reason my brain is fixating on how dusk's domain has a personified aokigahara. WHAT.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

It's been a while since I've done a Chortle headlines roundup. I used to do them more regularly, then I did a couple in a row where it was heavy on the post-documentary Russell Brand headlines, and that was so depressing that I cut them out for a while. Let's do a new one. I'll make this one shorter.

Oh for the love of God, Chortle. Please do not make me look at weeks of Ricky Gervais headlines in the leadup to/aftermath of the video release of Armageddon. He could not possibly need the publicity less, for so many reasons. Obviously you shouldn't be a cunt. Everyone who's going to think that already thinks it, everyone else isn't going to change, don't make us fucking read about it.

This looks like a headline that would appear on some sort of parody show. You know, if the BBC hadn't cancelled all its news/topical parody shows in the name of the exact balance mandate that I assume is the subject of that article, though I don't actually know, I'm not clicking on that.

You are doing New Year's Treat wrong, guys. It's supposed to be on New Year's and it's also supposed to have people who are famous (sorry, I'm sure it'll be fun and the people they've cast will be fine, I'm just still mildly annoyed that this year was their one chance to cast John Oliver while he was striking, the stars aligned with him having recently worked with Alex on the Horne Section show, it's gone forever now).

If anyone has the opportunity to see Pierre Novellie's Why Are You Laughing when he tours it next year, I cannot recommend it highly enough. I'm now wishing I had recommended other things less highly in the past, so I could lend more weight to this one. It's amazingly funny, and amazingly well written. It should... I mean, I was thinking it should be a strong contender for the best show (of Edinburgh 2023) award until I heard Ahir Shah's show, and I do now think they made the right choice in giving it to Ahir Shah. But it was the second best Edinburgh 2023 show, of the 40-ish I've heard. It should at least have been nominated.

Can I say something mildly sacrilegious? I'm not sure about this. I am obviously a devotee of Sam Campbell, and my view of Lucy Beaumont has wavered slightly as I've come to realize just how much she's maybe not kidding most of the time, but I do find her very funny. I just think... the proverbial straight man in a comedy group exists for a reason, you know? I don't know how well it'll work to put those two together without someone else to balance it out, they won't have anything to play off. It feels a bit too heavy on Avalan throwing together two fan favoruites from a popular TV show, more than thinking about what pairings would actually work well together. Especially since there doesn't seem to be a planned format or anything. I also don't really think they're as similar as people have suggested.

Having said that, obviously I'm going to listen to this, and I can absolutely picture a scenario in which I finish the first episode and write a glowing post about how I've been proven wildly wrong and concede that I should never have doubted their brilliance. I hope it happens that way.

I know I'm mildly annoyed at him right now, but this show is very good and people should see it if they can. One of my favourite things out of all he's ever done. He did a little preview of bits he's added to it on the latest Bugle episode, and I enjoyed that a lot.

Oh fuck off. No, come on, fuck off. You are not going to force me to engage with whatever the fuck VR is by having Mae Martin do it. It won't work.

...Having said that, is there a way to take a VR set and turn it into nice normal 2D video so I can watch the Mae Martin set? I have no idea if that's possible and I refuse to Google it, no one needs to encourage Mark Zuckerburg. But obviously I want to see what Mae Martin's doing.

I quite enjoyed this little clip. I've never been to Scotland, but this is exactly how I imagine the Edinburgh Festival, I'm currently planning a probably-actually-for-real-this-time trip for Edinburgh 2024, and I will be wildly disappointed if the festival isn't exactly like this.

Weirdly, there was nothing on the Chortle front page about Benjamin Zephaniah dying. He wasn't a comedian or anything, but he had connections to British comedy. I can't lie and say I was incredibly familiar with his work, but I really liked the poems of his that I'd heard and read (I did seek a few out and read them after seeing him on TV, as I quite liked him), and thought he came across very well every time I saw or heard him. And, obviously, 65 is too young and that would be a tragedy even if he weren't a very talented poet.

[blackmoonrose13]

I just wrote a long rant post, then deleted it...I regret that. TLDR US MEDICAL INSURANCE SUCKS

I am sick of taking pills...they hurt, I don't know why but I assume due to how big my pills are due to how high the dosage is, and for some reason one of them is a fucking rectangle it hurts my throat, I don't like the feel of them going down my throat any more, it just hurts. (and also having memory issues taking them but like ugh thats a different rant)

I asked the doctor who prescribes me my brain pills as I call them...yes for some reason my insurance wanted me to do that. I get why, but the doctor isn't even my therapist they are just in the same damn building. Its stupid and complicated and us medical is dumb some days.

Anyway I asked him if there is a liquid option. I remember folks talking about that. He doesn't look up if my medicines are available for that, just goes. "If they are your insurance wont cover it" I go. "Okay how about another medicine that does the same as my current pills just in liquid form?" He again, doesn't look up, doesn't check the computer which is in the office. Just waves his hand and goes. "Your insurance wont cover it." To be honest I don't think this man knows, or cares to look it up, or even know what my insurance is...it has changed a couple times and he thinks I am on an older one. Also I am technically already taking a generic of a generic so its not like my body aint used to generic options.

I also don't think he cares period and just I don't know. Any time I ask for like an alternative he goes no...but not in a flat out no we cant do this. He does this like hand waving dismissal.

Due to many friends I know who also have adhd, anxiety and depression who also take medical mary jane...listen I can't spell the name right and spell check gave up on helping me. I thought, hey a good alternative, I can take a chocolate laced with the stuff, that shouldn't hurt. I think I can do this. I asked them about it, did a bit of research on my own. Ready to talk to him about this...he once again waves it off going. "It takes a long time to get approved," I can wait if it will make me not take a lot of pills. "it will cost a lot of money." Around 600 bucks and most of that money is for the card according to mom who has helped me research. "It might not even work." That last one irked me the most because he had no issues putting me on new pills which had a slim chance of working. And him going, "We wont know till you take them for a while"

I am just tired of him doing this it seems like he doesn't care or something. I am also scared to be more assertive because the last time I got assertive with a psychiatrist (not the one I am with now), he threatened to call security on me. All I did was point out the hypocrisy he said to me and how rude it was to say what I did was frivolous when he told me I should pursue the thing.

Fun fact about that asshole he asked me why I wear so much black and when I responded honestly. "It's my fave color and things I like come in black." He told me I was deflecting and using sarcasim as a barrier. While yes my autism can make me come off like Daria, or Wednesday addams with bluntness and monotone, I was actually being honest there and open with him, when he said that comment I did clam right up again on him. You know being vulnerable and made fun off when you do that kinda makes you wanna not socialize with that person.

I am off topic.

Any way so I am just really annoyed about my situation...fun fucked up fact only reason I am ranting all this shit, is because my mom knew how in the brain fog I have been as of late and knew my issue with pills and suggested a medication she is on that does the job of two of my pills, while yes not no pill, it is one less and smaller pill for me. And while I love this idea...I remembered all the shit my doctor currently has shot down, and think that is going to happen again...I wont know till june.

Now before anyone asks me this. No I can't go to the same person my mom sees, for 2 reasons, one insurance doesn't cover her, and 2 I don't feel the most comfy sharing the same doctor as my mom. Which I think is understandable.

I just really wish living in a small town wasn't so...annoying. Hard to find good medical people near me who take my insurance...good news can find a oral surgeon that covers me...4-6 hours away.

If I have a hospital emergency I swear the hospital I go to is going to the ground, because how the fuck they treated me the last few times, sexist doctors calling me sweetie, doctors commenting on my weight when that is not why I came to the emergency room, oh the dismissal of my issues, going "I am in pain" yet go "You seem fine to me" The covid deniers oh the list goes on.

I need a drink...or something.