#that feels often very intentional in this movie. overall. and us getting this sort of 'final nail in the coffin' look was a Good Call

[ectonurites]

SUPER DARK TIMES (2017) DIR KEVIN PHILLIPS

[forbiddenfrvt]

E X S C A P E

thought you were an escape, now i can't escape your grasp | ex-boyfriend!Leon (modern au)

warnings: mentions of cheating and breakups (past and present), unknowing Leon + reader being an asshole, fingering w shifty praise and degradation(? not so much cuz Leon rlly likes you too much for that), AFAB reader/female anatomy, public lewdness, f perversion, messy.

word count: yet to be proofread, will update with count after so.

ps: I do not condone cheating or anything of sorts as written in my fics because they are simply just as is; fictitious. Please do not take to heart what I write, MDNI! block/scroll do not report.

author's notes: this might be heavily inspired of irl :"> I went to watch oppenheimer with my ex and he just came from the gym, needless to say it was something. (EXCEPT THE CHEATING! I AM SINGLE BTW, DW. NO CHEATING IN THIS HOUSEHOLD YALL!) (Linked a playlist at the top :3)

Exes should remain just as is; Exes.

Exes shouldn't be friends for that would create conflict.

Nor should exes go out together for a movie.

Yet you stood there facing the nearly crowded ticket booth, looking around for a familiar mop of dirty blond hair— the very same one you used to run your fingers across, enjoying how fluffed it gets.

It had almost been a year since the two of you split, vaguely remembering how the break up went down, all you could remember was going on a fit of jealousy, along with stress from school exams crashing down, and needed to run away from the emotional baggage which you considered relationship to be.

Leon had been trying to reach out since forever, and by forever meaning— a month after you completely cut contact with him and began dating other guys. All of which ended horribly anyway; ended by you, yet again. Always. You simply couldn't stay in a relationship for too long, that, you acknowledged.

Leaving whenever the connection felt shifty and their mistakes often made you fall dissatisfied and bored, and while you could technically make it work— why bother? They'll continuously disappoint you anyway.

Your current boyfriend is proving it so, with his not-so-boyfriend-like activities of constantly putting you in situations you don't feel comfortable of; despite your protests, with how he keeps linking up with girls you've already voiced your displeasure for— and his overall lack of social etiquette, embarrassing you wherever the two of you might go. Not that you care for it, it's not like you saw a future with him anyway.

You clicked your phone open as it dinged, notifying you of a message from none other than the guy you've long labeled the number as: [do not pick up.]

It was a surprise to you how calm you were about the whole ordeal; you didn't feel anxious about meeting up with him again. Sure, maybe a slight nervousness and making sure your outfit matched pleasingly, opting for a pink low-cut tank top with a matching sheer, flimsy cover-up. A pathetic one where it couldn't even cover the temple of your breasts. No, you totally did not care.

After accidentally accepting his follow request, he wasted no time and practically expressed how much he missed you. Voicing how hard it has been on him without you in his life, humourously coping along. As the messages between you and your boyfriend gradually shortened, exchanges between yours and Leon's went longer. Chemistry seemingly never faded between the two of you.

Of course, there was no flirting involved, in fact you two comfortably began cussing each other out in chats, not to the extreme— but almost just for playful banter. You both would share opinions and talked about your seperate experiences from watching Barbie, and how he cried in the movies after so. Reminding you to bring tissues when you went to watch Barbie, unaware how your boyfriend had already given you his handkerchief to wipe your tears away as he eyed you intently, amused that you cried for a film. He just doesn't get Barbie like Leon did— and that very night after the movie, Leon invited you to watch Oppenheimer together. Well, re-watched, as he already went to see it the day before.

All you could remember was giggling in guilt before agreeing to his plans; callously telling your boyfriend, [Goodnight, love you.] though text.

Bringing you here at this very moment, scanning the cinema for his figure, glancing left and right for your ex-boyfriend. It would've been easier if he wasn't already lining up for the queue but, well— what can the both of you do? Everyone's just as excited to watch both films.

Noticing his back from far away, you almost walked up, only to back away and hide into a corner— unsure if it really could be him; and so,

After you sent the message, you stared at the figure you had suspected to be him, waiting... and waiting till he checks his phone. And just as soon as he sees the message, Leon immediately turned around, sheepishly holding up an arm despite the numerous eyes confused at his random gesture. Searching for your eyes amidst all.

It was all you needed to see before confirming your guess, jogging up to stand beside him in the queue, smiling. “Long line, huh?”

Your eyes travelled along his familiar face, the boyish smile etched in the corner of his lips as he kept his gaze forward— eyeing you through his peripherals; his glasses making it harder for him however. You note this, or course;

He wears glasses now? Looks cute. Suits him.

“Yeah, they're taking too long—” He nods, shyly answering you, catching a whiff of your perfume, pink dusting his cheeks.

You catch this, nodding inwardly before you turned your head to the side, “How long has it been?” asking again, curious. “I've been standing here for about twenty-five.” His voice struggled to stifle a nervous laugh, fidgeting with the strap of his gym bag that sat right inbetween pecs.

Leon had informed you how he just came from the gym while he waited for you to finish getting ready, claiming that it was nearby the mall anyway. And to somehow prove this point across, he only changed his jeans but kept wearing the black compression shirt, tightly hugging his biceps— a soft smirk playing along your lips as you basked in his body, practically undressing his torso while he tried to focus on the movie trailers randomly playing along the TV screens of the ticket booth— memorizing half of the lines at this point, trying to ignore your burning gaze.

To which he drastically failed, handing you money while jibberishly making up an excuse to go to the bathroom, rushing away from you. With your eyes trailing behind him, a chortle escapes your lips as you notice how his cheeks reddened, being pushed up by his huge grin.

“...Fuck, he looks good.” You thought, trying to brush it off— not wanting to be having such thoughts about your ex, especially when you're (hardly) dating someone else already. Your fingers fiddle with the money, folding it in half in between your knuckles, glancing around the booth while patiently waiting for Leon to come back into your peripherals, curious why he had suddenly decided to use the restroom when he could've done it before you even arrived. Still, when nature calls. You simply have to answer.

A soft chuckle falls out of your mouth when he finally shows, a jump on his foot when he returns to your side, yet clearly displeased at how the line barely moved an inch. “Should we buy the late night tickets? I don't think we'd make it for the afternoon showing.” You chirp, eyeing the elongated monitor Infront of the queue, to which he flicked his watch— humming in response; “If you're fine with that... Sure. I don't think you should miss out on the intro.”

A part of you wishes he was watching it for the first time too, needing to see his raw reactions like you both used to; but another side of you was flattered by his decision to pay just to watch it again, with you, this time around. He was practically ready to throw money once again, all for you. And by all means! You weren't one to complain after all.

———

The two of you began giggling, and chuckling as you both placed bets on what movie whomever would be watching based on their outfits— people in pink for Barbie, leather jacket people for Mission Impossible, and well— random shirts for Oppenheimer. With him jokingly calling you weird for wearing pink on Oppenheimer and brown for Barbie. “Why even!?" His gummy smile beams, with you returning yours with a laugh. “Can't help it! ‘Love confusing people!"

“Well, that's true, you gotta keep them guessing your next move.”

You two were dorks together, even back then, just that now, it lacked any sort of physical contact— despite constantly brushing knuckles while you two walked side by side, fingers flicking up as if to try and entangle into the other's.

He kept the tickets in his bag, placing your umbrella in it, as to not have you lugging it around, knowing how forgetful you could be. You exchanged music, talked about concerts you failed to get into because the two of you were busy for the exams (quite literally around the time you two broke up), complimenting yet making fun of each other's chosen courses along the way.

He absolutely adored having you fill him in on ‘chisme’ he barely had anything to do with, reciprocating it with telling you drama over at his school. And being able to do it once again exhilarated the two of you; moreso him, but he wouldn't tell you of that.

“He has a girlfriend?!” “Why? Can't he?"

“No— it's not that! I'm just surprised— like— finally?!” You laughed, surprised.

Earning a chuckle from him; “I'm definitely telling you on Chris, you really doubted his charm, huh?”

You shook your head in disbelief, smacking his sides with the back of your palm as if to shove him away. “Oh hush!” Your groans of struggle didn't fall on deaf ears as he watched you battle with the lollipop wrapper, offering his help by taking it off your hands, “Here, let me.” he says, almost laughing. Taking jabs at each other as the candy proved to be unwilling.

“You can shoot a gun but not open a wrapper?” “You're one to talk!” laughter erupts from the two of you, back to back.

He watched as you softly sucked on the candy after successfully peeling the cover off, his breath hitching for a second prompting him to look elsewhere, mind lingering on the thoughts of your lips wrapped around and innocently sucking the sweetness of it, wondering how it'd be like to replace that spot in between your lips— Leon could swear he never felt envious of a lollipop until now. Mindlessly, you went closer to him, laughing as you both decided to go back up to the cinemas floor after buying snacks for the movie,

“We should take the elevator, I know your feet hurt by now.”

You suggested, for him to agree with a meek smile, “Whatever you want.”

The two of you stepped in, smiling at each other knowing how awkward you both felt around others during elevator rides, the unwritten rule of keeping silent inside made you both cackle inside. “It's just so weird!” You both agreed on that; eyeing each other and taking note of strangers' faces and scents— which usually ends badly for the both of you. Criticising a middle-aged man for wearing too much Axe like there was no tomorrow.

This time however, it was different, you could only stare at each other while stifling your laughter, both of you testing waters how far each of your inside jokes can go and what would be uncomfortable to speak of just yet— the two of you trying to be sensitive to each other's feelings and boundaries.

Your eyes travail his arms, up to his neck, staring at his eyes while you continuously sucked on the treat— failing to realize how suggestive you looked in his point of view. And all your ex-boyfriend could do was look up at the silver doors, praying a mantra on his mind to calm himself down. The comfortable silence between you two was enough for him to feel satisfied, he didn't wish to be greedy any longer. He had no right, after all.

He wishes he had.

As you reached the second floor, more people came in, forcing the two of you back in the east corner of the elevator cab, with your back pressed on the wall and him facing your side, making sure his duffle-bag didn't obstruct your movement and wearing it the opposite-side of you. There was barely anymore space for you to check your phone so you left it at your back pocket, ignoring the message notifications you received. Still, your mouth kept wrapping around the candy, with him trying to distract himself away from the noises your lips made— each pop, each suck, he could hear them all, giving him a pornographic thought to rush. He honestly wishes you'd stop it and bite the entire candy to quit tormenting his ears; but didn't want to make it obvious how much you provoked indecent thoughts to swarm his mind. It didn't help that his anxiousness made him think that the other people inside the cab could hear his thoughts. Read his mind. See how much he wanted to pull that stupid fucking lollipop out of your mouth and replace it with his throbbing cock instead, mouth-fuck you while everyone inside the elevator watched. A groan escaping his mouth as you fiddled with the hem that hugged his bicep, glancing back at you for a quick second as guilt washes over him; seeing how you simply were just curious about the fabric.

Leon hung his head back in shame and pleasure, enjoying your proximity to him while also feeling bad that even the most innocent of your touch and actions turns him into such a dog in heat. Warmth tightening around his boxers. You stared back at him, shooting him a snarky look, as if to ask; “'Fuck you looking at?” even though you were the one touching him without permission to. As if you knew you could do whatever you wanted and he'd be all the more welcoming of how much of a bitch you could get. He grinned, shaking his head “nothing.” before slumping his head into the cold walls of the ride— chanting "fuck." in the back of his mind. The doors then opened, making him smile in hopes that people would get off to create more space, but to his displeasure, a whole group of elderly came in, the smile in his face dropping ever-so-quickly; much more when he was forced to face you, pressing into your body as the seniors pushed inside. Forcing everyone else younger than them to adjust for their comfort. Which included you and him.

Your hands are raised in front of you, pathetically creating a barrier between your chest and Leon's albeit his pecs were more on your face than it is yours. “Fuck.” you heard him groan, as you bit your lip, awkwardly chuckling. “You okay?" You asked in concern, a nod following suit in response. Their movements only affected the two of you even more, annoyed yet at the very same time, flustered at how much your bodies were being squashed against one another. Without much choice, you both fell silent, waiting for time to pass by. His staggered breathing didn't go unnoticed by you, however, making you stare up at him with your eyes slanted, “Leon? Are you sure you're okay—?”

Your line of questioning got cut off as he pressed his lips against yours, mumbling a “...shut-up.” while he positioned himself to block your body from view. His leg entraps you between his thighs, slightly bending downwards to reach your lips.

“Lee— stop, what are you doing...?” you mumbled back, brows furrowed. What was he really doing?

Is he out of his mind?! Why would he kiss his ex-girlfriend in such a cramped place where people can easily see if they just look back!

You were met with silence as your breast engulfed his arm the moment another elderly decided to move around, pushing Leon's gym bag on his side, and forcing him to push back into you, his hands gripping just above your wrist as he tried to find some sliver of composure— unsure if he really should, and if he could continue. Looking at you apologetically for getting carried away.

Yet all this did was turn you on. The forced proximity between you two, the excitement of getting caught making out with your ex-boyfriend in such a high alert place, being with said ex without your boyfriend knowing, and, well— being cornered by such a tall and muscular man that you've long fantasized touching drove all of your senses out of the window.

The way he simply looked like he committed a grave sin against you made it all the more enjoyable.

Silently, you snaked your arms around the back of his nape, inching your head to bury it in the crook of his neck. His eyes followed your movements and shared an agreement, as if you both just understood what the other wanted to do. God knows how long you've waited to do this, ever since then, and more so now. You were more than happy to continue this, and to prove that you trailed kisses along his neck, just below his ear, earning a gentle groan from his lips, raising a brow as if to ask you if this was okay.

“ 's more than okay, Leon.” you whispered, planting a soft kiss at his jaw, smiling at the random stubble tickling your soft skin. Wondering what Leon would look like with a more prominent stubble, when he's older maybe. Your eyes darts to the front, checking the coast before hiding back into his chest, waiting for his next move; “Can you stay quiet f'me?” He mumbled against your skin, pleading. Your hips instinctively bucked towards his as you register his words, as if your body knew what he meant and wanted. Eager to indulge his desire.

In an instant, he found his arm in-between your thighs which you ever-so-sweetly parted as much as you could for his easier access, hand gripping the fat of your inner thigh. While it infuriated him that others could get to see those soft and sexy thighs of yours in that skirt, he had never been happier in your choice of clothing than now. Thanking the fashion heavens for convincing you ahead of time that wearing a skirt while going to the cinemas with your ex-boyfriend who clearly has yet to get over you; a good idea.

“God, s' fuckin' wet for me already babe?” He mumbled inaudibly against your skin, eyeing your cleavage down while he rubbed the pad of his middle finger along the hem of your slick damped lacy panties, chuckling to himself but just enough for you to hear his comment, “Starting to think you planned for this to happen, slut.”

You jolt at the sudden term, baffled at his choice of words, moreso because you've never heard him address you like so— hell, you've never done anything remotely intimate before. A small peck on the lips was all you two ever got during to the time you both dated.

“Fuck, why did we even break up...” He groaned, “Cuz you hung around Claire more than I would've liked?" You chuckled, “I told you, she's nothing but a friend... she's Chris' sister for godssakes...”

Maybe it was his pent up frustrations about your relationship, or how he saw this as the only chance to act on his fantasies about you. Blush dusting your cheeks as you bite down on your lip, holding off a moan as you promised.

“Can't believe I'm letting the guy who cheated on me with his so-called girl-bestfriend touch me like this.”

His fingers hastily snaked inside your underwear, fighting off the urge to grunt loudly as he felt the warm wetness that pooled within you, not wanting to alert anybody; not wanting this to end so quickly. “I didn't! I could never cheat on you, please... I would never, fuck.”

“Leon—” You whispered against his ear, stopping his ramblings with your voice honeyed as ever, making him addicted to even the slightest of your sighs. “Hurry.” He almost came at how needy you sounded, shaking his head hoping to compose himself, smirking at your command. Wasting no time, he curled a finger inside of you, slowly, wanting you to enjoy and feel up each joint, trying to help you fantasize about it to be his dick— all stuffed in you, exploring your insides.

You roll your eyes as you've finally felt the satisfaction of feeling him being inside you, albeit inferior by a point to what you normally would've imagined; exactly wishing the same thing as he was. His finger slowly dipped in and out in quick intervals, as if trying to loosen you up, his thumb resting above your clit, moving it in circular motions. At this point he wasn't even paying attention to the discomfort of his throbbing member still encaged within his jeans, too focused on making you feel good, wanting you to cum on his fingers alone, wanting nothing more than to please you. In a way, hopefully earn you back? Right, if he could make you feel good, you'd definitely want to keep him and take him back, right?

Your fingers slowly dug into his shirt, the friction of it all hurting Leon more, wishing he just took it off since the contact of your nail on his shirt pressing down on his skin was all too uncomfortable. “Mhm ‘h shit!” You groaned, a little bit of your saliva dripping to the corner of your lips, alarming Leon and a middle-aged lady on your right. Of course, being the quick-witted cutie you were— simply smiled at her direction; playing it off. “I think I cut myself, can you move your bag?" You asked Leon, faking a pout; which he quickly followed along, laughing inwardly. “Ah— yeah— shoot, sorry! I think I- yeah, sorry.” He used his free hand to move the bag, covering your thighs further, while he continued his ministrations. Finger-fucking you harshly now as he slid another digit, simultaneously pumping two fingers in you while his thumb toyed your clit, loving how swollen it had become.

As soon as everyone else looked away and focused on their business, you started leaning into Leon's chest, your breathing eventually became laboured— wanting Leon to feel a sense of understanding just how much he makes you feel right now; and as so, you began palming his crotch through the dark-washed denim jeans, rubbing him the same pace he was doing to you. “Princess, no.” He stops you, knowing he'll make a mess if you touch him more.

“I want to touch you, Lee.” You whined, kissing his sculpted yet soft chin, brows furrowed while you inch your knees up, needing him to get his fingers deeper in you which he did, following up your body— pressing himself against you. “Please, let me touch you,” more pleas for reciprocating his motions fell from your mouth, more eager to touch him than he was.

Fuck. Leon could only curse in his mind, you looked so adorable, sexy, and beautiful all at the same time with how you pleaded for his own pleasure, loving how you reciprocated his want for you, how much you wanted to return the favour, but as much as he wanted to— he couldn't let you, not if you both want to leave the lift without judgemental stares, that is. Leon shook his head ‘no’, chuckling, “It's okay baby, this is about you.” He was fully committed to giving you what he could at the very moment, and more if time allows him. “Let's focus on you.”

Your smile deforms into an "o" as he dragged his index finger, going from your clit down back to your entrance, pulling in just the tip of his finger before pulling out again, teasing you while he pretended like it was his cock diving into you. “Look at the mess you're making at the floor, babe.” He ushered, retracting his hand from you almost abruptly you could've sworn even the gods heard the squelch your pussy let out. “That'a dirty girl.”

Embarrassment boiled in your stomach, along with a knot forming, you were so close, too close and he stops mid-second, making you ache for continuance.

It didn't help how he was far better than your no-name boyfriend back at the small town you went to school for, sure, you crushed and pined on that boy too but, he disappointed you in bed so quickly, God forbid how redundant his movements were whenever he fingered you, unable to make you cum like you thought he would; what was the point of leaving your other ex-boyfriend for him if he was a no-better fuck? You don't even remember the last orgasm you've had, and it was only ever your fingers doing the job with some porno flick playing on your phone. An erotica here and there. You could've sworn you'd stay single instead and fuck yourself. But God did Leon surprise you. Your previous boyfriends (well, except for him) couldn't dare compare.

“Leon, stop it...!” You whisper-yelled, furrowing your brows, daring not to look down for you could already feel how much of your slick had dripped down, “For someone who cares so much about janitors, you're really out here making their jobs harder; huh?” He joked against your ear, not even hiding how proud he was with that cheeky boyish grin on his face, probing his fingers back inside you as he followed the rhythm with how he bucked his hips into yours. Loving how dumbfounded you had become under his touch. He wanted to flick his phone right there and then, to record you; ah maybe next time, if you allow it.

You leaned against the walls of the elevator, the cold surface kissing your blood-heated skin. He rocks his fingers faster, in awe of how fucked-out you already look, with how you lolled your lips like that, which he took advantage of and kissed, sucking on your strawberry cream tasting tongue. Your eyes rolling back as you fail to care if anybody has noticed anymore, whining against Leon's request.

And he doesn't seem fazed, pumping his fingers inside you with more fervour. Grinning from ear to ear at the development of your relationship. God, he wished he had done this sooner, maybe more often, maybe if you realized he can be good for you, you wouldn't have broken up with him— this time he'll prove just that. And you'll make sure of it too, right?

You tapped on his shoulder, eyeing him and shooting him a signal ‘I'm about to cum,’ your eyes shutting close as you ride out your high, griding against his hand, desperate for release; which he gladly obliged to, using his thumb to drum at your clit, pressing his palms closer to your crotch so you could grind on it further while he vibrated his fingers inside you, flicking it back and forth inside, reaching for that one specific area, the spongy spot he had discovered just earlier, “Gonna come for me, pretty?” He asks, eyes soft, “Cum for me, go on, cum. I wanna feel you all over my hands...” His whispers turned into a mantra, saying it over and over again like a string of Hail-Marys, urging you to release. And exactly that— you did. Biting your lip as you brought his free hand over your mouth, using him to muffle the moaning mess you've started to become. Each whine and huff.

He felt the warm liquid drip down into his fingers, his hand, as it makes its way to the floors, laughing in a twisted sort of humour, feeling awful for the person who'll clean it up but was also glad someone will gawk upon the mess he helped you make. Happy to have participated in ruining someone else's day.

Leon then took his hand away from your pussy, dragging it ever so slowly before wiping some of the slick in your lips, “C'mon taste yourself f'me?” He smiles, prompting you to open your mouth and do as told, it's only fair you do so, right? You slightly grimace at the thought that you'd accidentally meet eyes with someone while you sucked on his fingers, licking it off your juices, so you figured closing your eyes was your best bet at avoiding the awkwardness; rather than telling Leon, 'no.'

“Atta girl,” Once he felt like it was clean enough, he pressed his thumb over your throat, putting just enough pressure to force your mouth to open for air, itching a cough— which he then slid a kiss into, tasting your cum-ridden tongue with a satisfied grin, letting you go as he heard the elevator ding, helping you fix your panties and skirt as you both arrived at the destined floor to the cinemas. Waiting patiently for your turn to get out, he plants a softer kiss against your forehead. “We're gonna focus on the film, right?" He cheekily smiled, blushing a tad while you rolled your eyes, feigning annoyance with your hand smacking across his bicep, walking hand in hand towards the cinema room indicated on your tickets; “Ugh, shut up. Yes.”

You were so breaking up with your boyfriend after this.

[away-ward]

It was never mentioned what colour(s) would suit Emmy best personality-wise and fasion-wise, but in Kill Switch, Will imagined her in blue (panties, but not clothings). What colour(s) do you think could or would represent Emory' personality & fashion choices, and why?

I always figured that blue was one of his favorite colors because navy was Thunder Bay Prep's school color. We see it in their uniforms. So he would have most often seen her in blue between the jacket and skirt, plus the band uniform. Along with that, I figured she probably wore jeans and jean overalls most often outside of school. It may just be a color he likes to see her in.

I am not the person to ask about fashion or style. I'm very basic and don't have really any idea of style. But I have posted about what I think her work style would be before here.

In that post, I said I didn't know if she'd wear much jewelry. This is because she works with her hands, so anything that could get caught or dangled might be a hazard. However, based on her coloring, I think she'd look best in gold if she did choose to wear it. Though, we do see her pick a silver dress for her wedding so maybe I'm wrong.

I really do think she loves jeans. They're comfortable, they can be loose and relaxed, fitted, dressed down or dressed up a bit. She can get them dirty with grease or paint and still use them. Jeans are very useful to her.

As far as PD goes, they seem to put her in a lot of black. I'm not sure if this is just a go-to for the series, as in all these characters have in common is them liking darker things, or because that's just an easy color to work with, of if that's just Emory.

This time I went to the official Nightfall Pinterest Board to see what PD would put her in. It's not always easy because PD doesn't exactly label what the pin is inspo for. Sometimes I'm taking a guess that it's Emory related.

So I'm gonna stand by my assumption that the girl would love a graphic tee. I said from a favorite movie, but I forgot that this girl is a true nerd. She'd go for the comics too. What I am surprised by are the collared shirts. It seemed a little to... classy for what I imagined Emory wearing. To me, this style fits more with Winter. Maybe I thought Em would find them fussy, and she seemed like a no-fuss type. You learn something new everyday. I did picture her in turtlenecks, so maybe I was going in the right direction?

I figured she'd like a good sweater, being from New England.

But as we can see, from the colors that PD chose, Emory would stick to basic neutrals. Tans, blues, blacks, whites. Her biggest style choices might be the graphic tees. Whether this is her style because it's simple and she didn't have a lot growing up or just what she feels comfortable, is up for interpretation. I think it's what she'd feel comfortable in. As she returns to Thunder Bay as an adult, without the all the emotion baggage she's been carrying, I could see her expanding her taste, opening up to new things, but I still think this would be her fall-backs, her comfortable, her go-tos. Nothing wrong with that.

Here are a sample of the images I find on Pinterest that fit the image I have of Emmy in her everyday life, from home to work. I think I have put her in more colors, especially browns, than PD. Browns just work for the coloring she has in my head. Don't get me wrong. Emory would own a ton of black, but...

I couldn't find a good graphic tee styled the way I see emory styling it so I chose to forego it.

And the Reverie dress from PD's Pinterest broad just for fun

Let me know if I missed anything or if you have any input. This sort of goes along with the idea from the other discussion that we don't get a good picture of Em because she's so far removed from her usual environment. Most of the time she's either wearing her uniform or clothes that aren't hers. Even in the past scenes.

... i just realized all of those pictures have long sleeves. That's not intentional.

[ionlydidthisforspirk]

Sense im brand new, yall gotta know stuff about me

—————————————————————

1) What got you into Star Trek?

-My dad did! He made me watch AOS and I loved it!

2) How long have you been a Trekkie? Do you consider yourself one?

-I’ve been a Trekkie about a year snd a half, I consider myself a Trekkie!

3) Favorite of the series?

-TOS and Voyager!

4) Favorite of the movies?

-Wrath of Khan, Search for Spock, Voyage home❤️

5) If you could live on any of the established planets, which would it be and why?

- call me basic, but Vulcan. I think the landscape is really pretty and I already live in a desert so I could handle the temperatures

6) Which of the major powers would you align yourself with and why?

-The federation? (Kinda confused by this one lol

7) Favorite species?

- VULCANSSS, they’re my babies❤️❤️

8) Would you want to be your favorite species? Why or why not?

-As much as I love them, I wouldn’t. I’m an emotional person I couldn’t handle having to contain them

9) What division do you think you'd most likely be in if you were a Starfleet officer?

-this is really tough, command or sciences probably

10) What rank do you think you'd be in any of the powers?

- this is also tough! I think I would just be an ensign (for now😈😈)

11) Which ship designs do you like best?

-I love Voyager!! Very pretty ship❤️

12) Which ship class do you like the design of best of [insert power/species here]?

-Klingon ships, who wouldn’t use the cloaking device?? But I just like the overall brightness of the federation ships

13) Star Trek food you'd like to try the most?

- Plomeek soup, in curious

14) Favorite characters?

-UGH I WISH I COULD SAY SO MANY!! But I’ll cut it down to Spock and Seven of Nine

15) 3 things you can't get over?

-SPIRK😭😭 ILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THEM

- How badly I want to see future seasons of Lower Decks

-How Seven of Nine is queer😭😭 I’m obsessed

16) The character you absolutely cannot stand?

- I don’t really care for Neelix, I don’t HATE him but I’m not a huge fan either

17) Tribble. Yes or no?

-I’ll take the pink genetically modified ones, because they are cute! But I couldn’t handle the reproducing.

18) Favorite character ship?

-SPIRKKKKKK HUGGEEEE SPIRK FAN💙💛

19) Character(s) you feel is(/are) misunderstood?

- Kes, but only kinda. I think she had potential but she was also kinda annoying lol

20) Do you think the UFP should be allowed cloaking tech?

-I do! Because I don’t think they would use it for negative purposes

21) Do you read any of the books? Any recommendations?

-I wish I did but no

22) How do you feel about Beta content in general?

-no clue what this means

23) Have you played any of the video games?

-I have! I’ve played Star Trek bridge crew on my oculus and I reallly want the new game

24) How do you feel about a majority of the aliens being humanoid?

- I think it’s there for budgeting reasons, but I would like to see non humanoid federation members more often.

25) How do you feel about the "blending" method used for most of the hybrids?

-I think it’s cool!! I wish there was more hybrids!! (Except I have one issue with this which I will go into detail in another post)

26) What does your favorite character/s, or Star Trek in general, mean to you?

-Spock and Seven mean a lot to me, because I am autistic and queer. Its hard for me to understand other people’s intentions sometimes and hard for me to connect with people, and not only that but Spock and Seven being queer just made it even better❤️

27) Would you see/date/marry any of the other species?

-I would marry Vulcans in the spot. I love them sm

28) How do you feel about assimilation?

-awful and scary. I could never

29) Would you count the steps of Mount Seleya while climbing?

-I don’t get this

30) How long do you think you could survive in the Forge?

- I don’t get this either lol (I’ve never watched Enterprise)

31) Which model of the Enterprise would you prefer to be trapped on?

-SNW, because timeline wise, it’s older and probably has some sort of flaw you could use as a work around

32) How would you feel if you were trapped in the Federation building with Sarek?

-I would ask for his son’s hand in marriage smh

33) Would you take a slinky with you up the steps of Mount Seleya?

- NOW IM CURIOUS I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT MOUNT SELEYA IS

34) Which space dad would you prefer to be adopted by? (Sisko, Sarek, Picard, Tomalak, Tuvok, Jarok, Pike, Soval, Rom, Chakotay, Solkar, or David McCoy?)

-Tuvok or Pike, I think they could be such good caring fathers but also teach me solid life lessons.

35) How would you feel about a mind meld?

-I wishhhh I could have a mind meld

36) What about your crazy space aunt?

(Lwaxana, Deanna, Janeway, Seven, T'Pol, Kira, Uhura, Guinan, or Charvanek?)

- Lwaxana is I wanted a “crazy” space aunt, but Janeway if I wanted a super supportive aunt

37) Bones, Chapel, M'Benga, Bashir, The Doctor, Crusher, or Phlox?

-DONT MAKE ME ANSWER THIS I CANT PICKKKK😭😭

38) A member of the crew you'd like to hang out with for a day?

- BOIMLER!! I just know we would be besties

39) An event or episode you wish you could be a part of?

- This is sooo tough. I would like to see Lwaxana completely obsess over Picard in that one episode

40) Insert your own question here?

- SPIRK FIC RECS LOL LEAVE THEM HERE!!!

Star Trek Ask List

I don't know if a Star Trek themed list is out there already but I've wanted to post one to here for a while.

Questions will be answered by both the Captain and First Officer unless otherwise asked for.

1)What got you into Star Trek?

2) How long have you been a Trekkie? Do you consider yourself one?

3) Favorite of the series?

4) Favorite of the movies?

5) If you could live on any of the established planets, which would it be and why?

6) Which of the major powers would you align yourself with and why?

7) Favorite species?

8) Would you want to be your favorite species? Why or why not?

9) What division do you think you'd most likely be in if you were a Starfleet officer?

10) What rank do you think you'd be in any of the powers?

11) Which ship designs do you like best?

12) Which ship class do you like the design of best of [insert power/species here]?

13) Star Trek food you'd like to try the most?

14) Favorite characters?

15) 3 things you can't get over?

16) The character you absolutely cannot stand?

17) Tribble. Yes or no?

18) Favorite character ship?

19) Character(s) you feel is(/are) misunderstood?

20) Do you think the UFP should be allowed cloaking tech?

21) Do you read any of the books? Any recommendations?

22) How do you feel about Beta content in general?

23) Have you played any of the video games?

24) How do you feel about a majority of the aliens being humanoid?

25) How do you feel about the "blending" method used for most of the hybrids?

26) What does your favorite character/s, or Star Trek in general, mean to you?

27) Would you see/date/marry any of the other species?

28) How do you feel about assimilation?

29) Would you count the steps of Mount Seleya while climbing?

30) How long do you think you could survive in the Forge? 31) Which model of the Enterprise would you prefer to be trapped on? 32) How would you feel if you were trapped in the Federation building with Sarek? 33) Would you take a slinky with you up the steps of Mount Seleya? 34) Which space dad would you prefer to be adopted by? (Sisko, Sarek, Picard, Tomalak, Tuvok, Jarok, Pike, Soval, Rom, Chakotay, Solkar, or David McCoy?) 35) How would you feel about a mind meld? 36) What about your crazy space aunt? (Lwaxana, Deanna, Janeway, Seven, T'Pol, Kira, Uhura, Guinan, or Charvanek?) 37) Bones, Chapel, M'Benga, Bashir, The Doctor, Crusher, or Phlox? 38) A member of the crew you'd like to hang out with for a day? 39) An event or episode you wish you could be a part of? 40) Insert your own question here?

[smutbymia]

Would you write try to write a Johnny x reader x Mark where she's Johnny's girlfriend and he has nipple sucking kink? Something like she's asleep and starts to wake up when she felt someone suckling on her nipple and she's thought it was Johnny, so she let he keep suckling and rans her fingers into his hair for some time but when she opened her eyes, she saw Mark sucking on her nipples while Johnny is watching them?

For mark, there were a lot of positives and negatives when it came to being Johnny’s roommate. The best part about being Johnny’s roommate was the fact that his parents had gifted him the apartment and so rent was mere pennies in comparison to other places in the area. The worst part was that because the apartment was technically still Johnny’s, the dude had almost no boundaries.

Mark was used to it for the most part. He had walked in on many steamy make out sessions his roommate was in the middle of. He’d seen it all — almost. Kissing, groping, even some undressing. He’d usually just tip toe to his room and try to act like he never witnessed a thing but this time was a bit different. You and Johnny had been dating for a few months now and things seemed to be different with you.

You had all gone to school together and so Johnny seemed to be a bit more cautious about fooling around in Marks presence. And since you were a year older than Mark, he had always had a certain level of respect for you as his senior who had tutored him here and there throughout the years. Overall he approved. You were smart, kind, and so pretty that he would even get flustered around you sometimes. Johnny would often tease him about it after you left the apartment.

He was a bit shocked when you and Johnny had started dating but seeing you together made him realize that it was a combination that simply made sense. You and Johnny had always been friends and when romance started to blossom the both of you bravely fell into a relationship that was going well so far.

Mark was halfway out of the door one afternoon when he got a text from Jaemin telling him that class was cancelled and inviting him to come hang out at his dorm. Of course Mark would have loved to accept but truthfuly he was way behind with his schoolwork and so he declined politely and instead marched right back into his room, hoping to make good use of the rest of his afternoon and night by being productive.

A few hours later he heard you and Johnny arrive in the apartment. He had been meaning to come out and say hello since he first heard the familiar sound of keys shaking in the lock of their front door, but he was so caught up in his work after finally making a breakthrough with his studying. He shoved his headphones over his head and continued scribbling math formulas across the pages of his notebook, falling into a trance-like state.

When Mark finally snapped out of it about an hour had passed. He slipped his headphones off his head and was met with silence. He shrugged to himself figuring you had both left and headed out of his room. He could hear the faint sound of a movie playing on the living room television as he approached the kitchen. When he arrived, he was shocked at the scene playing out in front of him. A bowl of popcorn rested on the counter next to you. You were seated on top of the counter with Johnny standing between your legs.

Johnny had been his typical handsy self all evening but when you both went to get popcorn from the kitchen he had playfully lifted you up onto the counter and had pushed your shirt up to your chest to capture your nipples between his fingers before pulling one into his mouth and suckling. He swirled his tongue around the sensitive buds as he alternated between each one before settling on one after awhile and humming against your skin. Your head fell backwards against the cupboards and your eyes fell shut momentarily, enjoying the way his mouth felt all over your body.

Mark couldn’t believe his eyes. Sure, he knew Johnny had a thing for boobs and had seen him grope numerous different sets of them over the years on their living room couch but he had never seen his friend so consumed by a particular task the way he seemed to be consumed by the act of suckling your nipples. And your tits. Wow they were beautiful. The way you softly groaned whenever Johnny would stick his tongue out and —-

Shit! Shit, shit, shit. Your eyes fluttered open and met Marks. He seemed to be so caught up in the moment that it took him a moment to realize he looked just a tad creepy standing there and watching until he saw the expression on your face go from totally blissed out to totally panicked. Johnny was oblivious and reached up to massage at your free breast as he continued sucking, increasing the intensity of his mouth and pulling a loud moan from your lips. You swatted at his shoulder, and he released your nipple with a pop from his mouth as you frantically pulled down your shirt.

“N-noona, I — uh,” Mark stuttered. He backed out of the kitchen looking embarrassed and turning slightly red. Johnny turned to Mark at the sound of his voice.

“Oh,” he said nonchalantly when he realized why you had made him stop.

“S-sorry, I wasn’t — I mean I didn’t mean to.. I’m g-gonna go back to.. my..,” Mark said as he clumsily grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and all but ran back down the hall to his room before shutting the door behind him and resting his back against it.

“Fuck,” he sighed to himself. He was beating himself up for being so ridiculous. He shut his eyes, feeling exasperated. But of course the first thing that popped into his mind was the image of you with your legs spread and chest rising and falling as johnny massaged your breasts.

Mark groaned again before opening his eyes and shaking his head. He walked further into his room and froze when he caught his reflection in his floor length mirror. Luckily it wasn’t obvious, but he was certainly very aware of the bulge rising in his jeans.

“Aw, dang...” he complained as he reached down to palm himself through them. He rushed back to his door, opening it just a crack and listening intently. He could hear you and Johnny casually mumbling about the movie. He closed the door softly and flicked his lights off before crawling into his bed, feeling very ashamed of what he was about to do next.

You were seated in the living room trying to focus on the film but felt uneasy. You snuggled up to Johnny’s side before you tilting your head up to look at him. Johnny was watching the movie like it was the best thing he had ever seen. You watched as his eyes crinkled at the sides when something on screen made him laugh.

You nudged him. “Are you sure we shouldn’t check on him, I mean I feel really bad!” you said. Johnny was slightly caught off guard by the sudden statement.

“No it’s fine, trust me,” he said before diverting his attention back to the screen. A few minutes passed before you spoke again.

“But he looked so flustered. He was turning red almost. I think he must have been really uncomfortable!” you said with a look of concern on your face.

“Yeah I’m sure he was uncomfortable alright. He’s probably beating his dick as we speak,” Johnny joked as he put some popcorn into his mouth.

“Stop, Mark is a sweet kid—“ you began.

“Kid? You guys are barely even a year apart,” Johnny laughed before turning his head to you and pulling you in for a kiss.

“Still,” you began as you snuggled back into Johnny’s side, “I can’t stop thinking about it.” Something in Johnny’s brain clicked.

“Festinger’s theory of cognitive dissonance,” he exclaimed. You furrowed your brow in response. Johnny did this sometimes. He was a psychology major after all.

“Huh?” you mumbled.

“It’s a theory that explores the inner conflict people experience when their thoughts, beliefs, and actions aren’t in alignment with each other ,” Johnny muttered as he slid his hand under your shirt and along your skin. He squeezed softly at your chest before dragging his fingers back and forth across your nipples.

You moaned softly. “I’m not following,” you confessed, still unsure what the theory had to do with you wanting to apologize to Mark.

Johnny giggled as he tugged at your nipples and watched your back arch away from both him and the couch.

“You view Mark as some sort of kid in comparison to you,” he began. “Maybe it’s because he’s inexperienced, or quiet, or a bit awkward around you cause he thinks you’re pretty,” he continued as he played with your body like a toy. You moaned softly under his touch. The movie was long forgotten to you but Johnny still had his eyes fixed on the screen.

“You guys are closer in age than we are but you both act like you aren’t. And so, you’re experiencing inner conflict,” he finished.

“W-why would that make me feel conflicted?” you said through breathy moans.

“Before I can answer that question, you have to answer mine first,” he said, sprinkling kisses along your neck. You let out a soft groan in response, urging him to ask whatever it was that he wanted to. You weren’t ready for the next words that left his mouth.

“Did my baby enjoy it? Making another baby flustered?” he said in a low whisper.

You gasped as you felt electricity shoot through your body. Johnny laughed. He didn’t need an answer. He knew very well that something inside of you must have been unlocked.

If he wasn’t so confident and comfortable in your relationship he may have been a little jealous but hey, he was a psychology student after all. Human behaviour was very interesting to observe and he had a theory of his own he wanted to test.

Mark was fresh out of the shower and laying in bed when there was a knock at his door. You had already left the apartment but he still felt a bit weird about facing Johnny so Mark had stayed in his room.

“I ordered pizza!” Johnny yelled from behind the door. He didn’t wait for mark to respond before he walked off to go dig in.

Mark hesitated as he got up from his bed. He was starving, though. Which is what led him to that kitchen in the first place. The images flashed across Marks mind again. It would have been enough to turn him on all over again but he already came twice since he walked in on the both of you a few hours ago.

The first time was when he rushed back to his room. He sat up on his bed and shoved the corner of his pillow in his mouth to muffle his own moans as he jerked at his length over and over again with the image of your tits and blissed out expression in his mind. He sat there quietly, spilling all over himself and his bed sheets as his hips bucked uncontrollably in his dark room.

The second time was in the shower where he routinely jerked off. He finally felt empty enough after and much more clear headed.

He was feeling guilty as hell but that didn’t stop him from marching towards the smell of pizza. He figured It would be okay since you weren’t around. And it was at first.

“Y/n was totally freaked,” Johnny exclaimed, chuckling to himself. The two boys were watching some sort of basketball game on TV. Mark almost choked after hearing Johnny’s words.

“Shit, I wanted to apologize but I just—“ he started.

“She liked it,” Johnny interrupted. He glanced over at Mark, mischief in his eyes as he munched on a slice. Mark froze.

“Wait what?” he asked, baffled. Johnny broke out into laughter.

“H-hyung, stop teasing me. I already feel guilty,” Mark said. Johnny was still laughing when he dropped the remainder of his slice of pizza back into the box.

He dusted off his hands and rested one on Marks shoulder.

“Hyungs not teasing you,” he said, softly mocking Mark and speaking in the third person.

“She totally freaked because she liked it. Looks like the crush you have on my girlfriend isn’t one sided after all,” he said. Marks eyes went wide.

“D-dude? I’m really sorry I swear I didn’t mean to. I don’t want to come between you guys or anything I just-“ Mark started rambling apologetically.

“No offence but I don’t think you could steal her from me, even if you tried” Johnny joked before continuing, “but if you’re really sorry you’ll help me with something”.

“Something that I think you’ll have a lot of fun doing. Just be ready. I hope you aren’t a heavy sleeper,” he finished. Mark felt nervous. He had no idea what Johnny was getting at.

A few days had passed and Mark had succesfully avoided you. Whenever you were back at the apartment with Johnny, he was either in class or out with friends. Honestly, you were a bit nervous after everything that happened. Johnny had uncovered something that you had no idea was even a thought in your head. You felt a bit guilty but he seemed to take it really well. Almost too well.

Everything was normal between you two. You were staying the night like you often did when you felt the familiar feeling of Johnny playing with the hem of your shirt. You always wore loose clothing around him for this very reason. You were very used to him taking a nipple of yours into his mouth in the middle of the night whenever you were cuddled up next to him in bed.

Your eyes fluttered as you fumbled around with the shirt before feeling Johnny’s mouth meet your chest. He dropped a few kitten licks across your nipples, making your core heat up.

You groaned, roping your hands into his hair and pulling him against your breast, making him latch his entire mouth to your sensitive bud. You moaned softly.

“More... I need more,” you whined. You gripped tighter at his hair when you heard a high pitched mewl escape from the lips of whoever the fuck was attached to your chest because you knew straight away that wasn’t a sound that could ever leave Johnny’s mouth.

Your eyes flew open, first settling on Johnny’s figure at the end of your bed. He had his hand buried in his sweatpants and was stroking at his length with his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. You gasped as you looked down to see Mark. His soft lips rubbed against your skin. His eyes sparkling eyes fluttered open and met yours as he moaned softly again.

“Noona, Johnny made me—“ he tried to say with his mouth still attached to your nipple. The humming of his voice made your head spin as it sent shockwaves through your body. You shook slightly before letting Marks name slip from your lips. The sound alone made him harden in his pants. Johnny got closer, until his mouth was latched against your other nipple and your head fell back against the pillows on his bed as both boys snuggled against you.

You felt tugging at your shorts. Johnny was trying to get them off. You lifted your hips in response as you felt him drag the material down to your thighs before giving up. Your panties followed and soon you could feel his fingers circle around you clit achingly slow, winding you up. You circled your hips to meet every movement of his hand as you felt wetness pool between your legs.

After a few minutes of painful teasing, you felt johnny release your nipple from his mouth and then Mark. The boys whispered between each other as Johnny continued to keep you distracted by making his fingers run through your folds, gathering your juices.

You watched as he lifted his fingers towards Marks lips. The boy hesitated briefly before letting his mouth fall open and wrapping his lips around Johnny’s fingers and sucking them clean.

You groaned as you watched the boys together, bonding over their desire to please you.

“Touch her,” Johnny mumbled as he slipped his fingers back out of marks mouth to continue circling at your clit. You felt marks fingers prod softly at your hole before he let them glide into your entrance, rubbing your insides in all the right places. It didn’t take long before both boys had overstimulated you. With Johnny’s fingers picking up speed on your clit, and marks fingers hitting your g-spot while the both of them assaulted your nipples, your orgasm came crashing through your body. Their names spilled from your mouth.

As you came down from your high, Johnny’s lips met yours in a passionate kiss. Mark was still suckling softly at your nipple, eyes closed, in a state of relaxation.

“Look at him,” Johnny whispered against your lips. “I think he’s falling asleep and he hasn’t even cum yet,” you said. You nudged mark awake as his eyes fluttered open.

“Mark, are you okay?” you asked sweetly. The boy looked up at you as if you were everything to him — with stars in his eyes. He nodded. Johnny pulled at his chin, guiding him until mark hovered in front of your face. He froze, somehow feeling nervous.

You bridged the gap quickly, pulling him towards you and capturing his mouth in a soft kiss. As expected, Mark was polite and respectful towards both you and Johnny. He relied on you to make the first move and control the pace. You begged for access to his mouth, letting your tongue softly brush against his as you felt him melt into your touch.

Johnny was asleep, mouth still on your nipple when you pulled away from Mark.

“Does he always fall asleep like that?” Mark asked in wonder as he looked down at his hyung resting so peacefully against your naked chest.

You nodded. Mark yawned and moved to get out of bed but you pulled him into you as well.

“Don’t leave,” you cooed. You watched him turn softer as he shrunk into your side, closing his eyes and going back to swirling his tongue around your nipple. You roped your fingers through his hair the way you knew he liked. He was definitely about to have the best sleep of his life.

[cant-blink]

Favorite and Least Favorite Ghidorah Incarnations

Probably gonna regret making this post, but it’s been a long time coming, so let’s do it. I guess I should warn, not suitable for people sensitive to opinions that might be different from their own. Can’t believe I have to say that about a list of fav Ghidorahs, but alas...

Anyway, enjoy!

-

Let’s start with my Top 5 favorite Ghidorahs! Going from my most favorite down! All five of these are amazing and any one can easily become my #1 at any given time! :D But at the moment, my number 1 is...

Showa Ghidorah

Showa Ghidorah should come to nobody’s surprise, given how much I’ve been writing about him lately! I admit though, it wasn’t always like this. It took some time for him to grow on me, and he actually used to be one of my least favorite through design alone. But he has grown exponentially on me, and now I love everything about him! The manes are unique and I love the crescent moons on his heads too. His eyes are so big, and I feel they have more expression compared to other Ghidorahs. And the inspiration of the more traditional Eastern-style dragon is there in his face too. 

His backstory and personality, though, is what really got me to change my mind about the character. His personality is perfect as far as I’m concerned! Coming from space to destroy planets just for the lolz, cackling maniacally all the way! Even the fact he was mind-controlled was something for me to delve into in my stories, on how such a thing impacts the character. It really opened my eyes to the more subtle parts to his personality, like I realize that Ghiddy wants NOTHING to do with Earth. He tried to destroy it once and that failure is all he needed to know to stay away. The plot device of mind-control is used to keep him coming back in future movies! Even when he defeated Godzilla and Rodan, he chose to fly away back into space! There’s layers to his character if you look deep enough!

There’s just so much story-potential to this guy, I love it! Even in real life, he has an arc, going from one of my least favorites to being the top of this list! That’s definitely special!

Overall, a lot of love for this character, often wrestling with Legendary for the number 1 spot! Speaking of which...

Legendary Ghidorah

The one that started it all for me and they’re second on the list?! Blasphemy!! Nah, seriously though, Showa and Legendary really do often switch places for me all the time! Just right now, Showa has squeezed into the top spot. For now........

Anyway, Legendary Ghidorah needs no explanation for being a favorite incarnation of the character. Whilst Godzilla has always been a very vague presence in my life, KotM’s is what had me diving headfirst into the fandom, all because of Ghidorah. Their design is amazing, sleek and intimidating! The detail that they whip up storms just by flying creates an awesome menacing atmosphere everytime they’re on screen!

The personalities between the heads is unique, providing all sorts of material for my writer side to explore! Their backstory is left open for me to explore as well, like where they came from and how their species functions! It’s been a lot of fun! I may be slightly burnt out from how much I’ve written and posted about them, but make no mistake, I still ADORE this Ghidorah and I have them to thank for starting this whole page in the first place! 

Shin Ghidorah

That’s right, Shin Ghidorah exists in official TOHO canon and he needs more love!!

Shin Ghidorah was one I was introduced to not long after I learned Kamata-kun (oh, and Shin Godzilla) was a thing. With my obsession with Ghidorah, I wanted to know if there was a Ghidorah in the Shin universe and after some digging, I found that there was! Featured in a ride in Universal Studios Japan! And better yet, videos of it exists on youtube! I loved it the second I saw it! 

The design is amazing and surprisingly unique! This is because Shin Ghidorah was originally a scrapped concept for the original Showa Ghidorah! Like, Shin Ghidorah is basically an oversized three-headed Skullcrawler with wings! Because you see those “legs” he has? Those are actually ARMS!! Ghidorah could’ve been a giant Skullcrawler all this time!!

I also love his movements, oddly enough. He doesn’t just fly, he SWIMS though the air, something I don’t recall seeing in any other Ghidorah!

The only thing I don’t like about him... is the fact that he wasn’t around longer! A shame the ride is so short, I would’ve LOVED to see more of him in a movie. Oh well...

Grand/Cretaceous Ghidorah

Both are the same individual, so they’re both in this entry! I remember learning about him through a video talking about Ghidorah’s most sadistic moment and this was it. Grand Ghidorah kidnaps children with the sole intent to devour them, but he doesnt eat them right away, no. He holds them hostage to stew in their terror, returning to them every so often just to listen to their screams and cries. You know he’s enjoying every minute, knowing he’s torn families apart. Without a doubt, all this is just a game before he destroys the world as Ghiddys do. The way he toyed with Mothra Leo, leaving him to suffer after beating him to near-death. Or the way he possessed one of the Mothra twins to try to kill her own sister! It was great! He has such a regal design too! I can see why the fanbase have come to call him Grand King Ghidorah, he’s absolutely majestic. Shame he’s overshadowed, likely due to not being in a Godzilla movie.

Cretaceous Ghidorah has a more Western-dragon look to him and it works. He is basically a baby Ghidorah and he is so cute! His big eyes and squeaky roars, I love it! He also SOMEHOW made me feel sorry for my least favorite dinosaur! That's some true power right there!

The regeneration ability too, is amazing! This is likely where Legendary got the idea, but Grand does it better by regenning from just a small piece of tail left behind. Just badass, all around!

Void Ghidorah

A controversial pick, I know. I made a whole post about my detailed thoughts on Void Ghidorah, see here. Long story short: I think he has great potential, just suffered from piss poor execution. I love the idea of turning this alien dragon into an interdimensional GOD, with followers and everything. His full-body model looks amazing! He’s the biggest and most powerful Ghidorah yet, the biggest kaiju in the entire franchise in fact, and I don’t see him ever being topped. Granted, I dun really judge how much I like a kaiju based on how strong they are, but it’s a bonus here. He needs all the help he can get!

Adding more, his roars are insane, not just a combination of Showa and Heisei Ghidorah! But sounds that are truly otherworldly.

Void Ghidorah deserves love, and a better movie. Guess I’ll just settle on Godzilla: Star-eating Wings as the go-to Void Ghidorah video!

-

I have no real opinion on the new ride Ghidorah, as I have yet to watch the full "movie” and thus, can’t judge how well I’ll like it compared to the others. So for now, tis neutral.

-

Now I’m totally going to get hate for this list of “least favorite Ghidorahs”, but this is my opinion. I don’t like any of them, and they’re all outshined by my favorite non-Ghidorah kaijus, and some even being beaten by my “meh” kaijus! Anyway, this is gonna go from “best” least favorite to my “worst” least favorite. Here goes:

Heisei/Mecha-Ghidorah

Tis no secret that I don’t particularly like Heisei’s version of the character. I’ve mentioned it more than enough. Oddly though, I liked the design when I first looked through Ghidorahs from past movies, and I DISLIKED Showa Ghidorah’s design. How things have changed when I learned more about both of them... 

Now I’ve grown to not like Heisei very much. They took Ghidorah as an alien dragon that destroys planets for fun, and turned him into pets that I’m sure are meant to be cute, but just remind me of Furby’s in how creepy they are (tis not the good kind of creepy either!). I like the scrapped idea of him being an attempt to clone Showa Ghidorah from DNA left behind when he destroyed Venus, so I keep that canon in my head just for some attempt to like him more. Tis why I call him “Kitty Ghiddy” whenever I write him, I legit cannot take him seriously. Such a shame that he’s basically replaced Showa Ghiddy on merchandise, so it’s harder for me to find said Showa Ghiddy because of this thing. Oh, well.

Oh, and he replaced the BIDIBIDI of Showa with generic Rodan calls. And he also turns into a good guy at the end of the movie with Mecha-Ghidorah, and.... well, go down to the next entry for my thoughts on stuff like that.

GMK Ghidorah

He’s a good guy here. They nerfed the fuck out of him by having him be a juvenile (not even done well like Cretaceous Ghidorah), and turned him into a good guy. Granted, he was never meant to be in this movie in the first place and it shows. I’m a villain kind of person, and Ghidorah’s evilness is one of the biggest draws to his character for me. So taking that away... It just doesn’t work for me. It says something when I like GODZILLA more than Ghidorah in a movie. His design is okay, so at least he has that going. But...

Desghidorah

I really don’t like the design of the character. That’s literally it. I think four-legged Ghidorahs are very awkward looking; Ghidorah has a lot going on as is, three heads, two wings, two legs, two tails. Adding more legs... it’s just too much going on that tips the scales from ‘awesome’ to ‘messy’ in my mind. I can’t explain too well why I really don’t like the four-legged look to Ghidorahs, I just really don’t. But credit, he does pull off the look slightly better than the last one on my list.

AND MY LEAST FAVORITE GHIDORAH AND LIKELY TO GET A MOB ON ME IS.....

Keizer Ghidorah/Monster X

“An awkward horse” is what someone described him to me as, and I can’t help but agree. Again, that four-legged look breaks it for me but somehow, he looks EVEN MORE awkward than Des. I just can’t look passed it. Maybe it’s the front legs, or the wings looking too small for his body. Des just LOOKS a bit more natural in his four-legged-ness. 

Making it worse for me, Keizer has a second form that I REALLY don’t like: Monster X. They don’t even resemble each other. I can’t help but feel MX was supposed to be his own Kaiju, but they felt pressured to make Ghidorah the final boss so they combined them. Dunno if that’s the case, but it feels like that to me. Not even getting into the “how the hell does a dragon come out of THAT, where does it all GO when he changes back?”. And the biggest thing: I don’t like human-looking characters. I don’t care for human characters at all in any sort of media, or anything that resembles humans too closely. I skip human scenes entirely just to get to the monsters. Tis why I don’t really care for gijinkas either. As far as I’m concerned, I like the kaiju for being kaiju, and making them human just takes away all things interesting.

If Ghidorah kept everything intact about his personality, but you made him human... I wouldn’t even give his character a second glance, much less devote my Tumblr page to him! But yeah, tangent over. Monster X just looks too human for my tastes. 

Plus, tis hard to compete for my attention when you’re in the same movie as FW Gigan! It says something when Showa Gigan and Showa Ghidorah can share the screen and I love them both, but FW Gigan completely outshines FW Ghidorah...

-

So there we go, a complete list of my thoughts for every Ghidorah incarnation that I can think of. Hopefully I didn’t miss any. Again, these are my opinions and you’re free to like whatever Ghidorah. I’mma sleep now.

[mx08z7kz6gqrs]

好想爱这个世界啊 - Translation Notes

For my translation of this song, see this post. Listen to the live version of the song here. Below are some translation notes on the song.

This was one of my earlier translations, and one that I’ve felt like I should revisit but never had time to. It’s a particularly beautiful song, and the lyrics aren’t complicated, but they are written in a deliberately vague way that isn’t easily conveyed in English. It also has a lot of short phrases that work as individual sentences in Chinese, but that I’ve chosen to link together so that it flows better in English.

As usual, these notes are formatted with the original lyrics, followed by the most literal possible translation, and then an explanation for how I decided to translated it in the final version, including my interpretations and any nuances that I maybe have decided to drop.

Note that anything in brackets [like so] means that this word did not exist in the line, but I had to insert it for grammatical reasons. Usually it’s a subject pronoun that wasn’t specified.

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Line by Line Translation Notes

抱着沙发 睡眼昏花 凌乱头发 // Hugging the sofa, sleepy eyes blurry, messy hair 却渴望像电影主角一样潇洒 // Yet long to be confident and free like the lead role in a movie

These two lines were fairly literal, and I’ve kept them as is while appending the first person pronoun so that it was grammatically consistent in English.

The most interesting notes here are “渴望”, “to long for.” In Chinese, this phrase is actually a combination of the character “渴” for thirst, and “望” for hope [for the future]. There is a desperation to this particular word choice that is somewhat capture in the English “longing.”

I’ve also chosen to translate “主角”, literally “main role” (ie, protagonist/leading role) to “hero” just for it to flow a little more naturally.

屋檐角下 排着乌鸦 密密麻麻 // Under the corners of the roof, crows line up, packed close together 被压抑的情绪不知如何表达 // The repressed feelings, [I] don’t know how to express

I took a lot of liberty in my translation of these lines, because they evoke a very specific sense of confusion and entrapment that I don’t think the literal translation captures well.

Crows in modern Chinese culture, like the west, can be seen as bad omens (ex when someone says something unlucky they are called “乌鸦嘴”, literally a crow’s beak). “密密麻麻” is an expression referring to things being very densely packed together- “密” refers to being “close together” while “麻” is the character for a hemp/sesame. The image it evokes is numerous things being packed so close together that they are like tiny dots against one another.

In this way, you can interpret the crows as a reflection for those feelings that the singer cannot express, trapping them without any gaps for escape.

无论我 在这里 ��那里 // No matter if I’m here or there 仿佛失魂的虫鸣 // As if [I’m] a panicking bug cries 却明白此刻应该做些努力 // But understanding that right now, should make some effort to try harder

Not too many notes for this section. One thing that I’ve seen a lot of different translations around is the second line though, “失魂的虫鸣.” The word “失魂” literally translates to “lost soul.” But generally speaking, this term isn’t referring to the desolate feeling that the literal English translation evokes. Rather, it’s more like “lost wits” or “at wit’s end”, referring to a sort of indecisive and panicked state of mind.

In this case, it’s describing “虫鸣”, literally “cries of bugs.” The sound in my head is something like cicada chirps, or the eclectic noises of bugs in the evening on a hot day. In English, we’d more commonly describing the noises that bugs make as “buzzing”, and for the sort of restless feeling, a specific reference to “flies” made more sense and felt more natural that the more vague “bugs/insects” in the original lyric.

There’s a sense of aimlessness, confusion, and helplessness to this line that I wanted to capture.

无论我 在这里 在那里 // No matter if I’m here or there 不能弥补的过去 // The past that can’t be mended 每当想起 // Every time [I] think of it...

Simple lines- the one word of note here is “弥补”, a term that can mean to mend or to make up for any deficiencies. It’s formed with the character “弥”, “to fill in” or “complete” and the character “补” for “fix/mend.” In my translation, I’ve chosen to use “irreparable”, but what it really conveys is the speaker’s understanding and sense of regret that they cannot make up for the past, whether it’s the things they’ve done or the things they’ve missed.

想过离开 // Thought of leaving 以这种方式存在 // Existing in this way 是因为 那些旁白 // It was because of those narratives/asides 那些姿态 那些伤害 // Those attitudes/postures, those hurts

The chorus is definitely where I took the biggest liberty in my translation. The most important point here is that I have removed the likely intentional ambiguity in the subject. Before I dive into that though, I’ll cover the two terms here that have no clear English equivalent.

“旁白” is a word that roughly refers to “an aside”- it combines the character “旁“ for “to the side” and “白”, in this context referring to a use of language, or expression. It is the term used to describe things like a voice-over narration in movies, dramas, etc (for example, think of times when the character is thinking something and we, the audience, hears it as a voice on top of a montage on-screen).

“姿态” can be most literally translated as “attitude” or “posture”, and it refers to a combination of physical appearance and expression. It’s close to the English use of “air” and it’s what you are changing when you are “posturing” to someone.

Note that “those narratives”/”those attitudes”/”those hurts” do not actually have a subject associated with who is the one “dealing” them. It can be interpreted as the singer’s own thoughts and self-loathing, others judgement of them, or both. I think this ambiguity is intentional- the themes of the song revolve around the struggles of depression, and often these mix together.

In this way, “那些旁白” can refer to a narrative that the singer is telling themselves, or a narrative that is forced upon them from the words that others have spoken about them. “那些姿态” can refer to the type of posture or stance that the singer feels forced into, or the attitudes of the people around them. “那些伤害” can refer to pain that is inflicted upon the singer either by themselves or by the others.

For readability sake, I chose to go with the interpretation that slightly more folks on the Chinese net seemed to favor. Hua Chenyu, the original artist, has also emphasized the fear that those with depression face when they meet other people who may not understand them, so it seemed like a good compromise.

不想离开 // Don’t want to leave 当你说还有你在 // When you said you were still here 忽然我开始莫名 期待 // Suddenly I began inexplicably hope

This half of the chorus translates much more straightforwardly. The only real word of note here is the final one, “期待.” It can be translated as “hope”, but it’s really a type of hope that leans towards anticipation, or “to look forward to/expect something.”

Unfortunately, both of those translations require some type of object (unlike the Chinese term), and while I could insert one (”the future”, “life”, etc) that would be pure conjecture on my part and I’d prefer to keep it as ambiguous as possible while still making sense.

夕阳西下 翻着电话 无人拨打 // The sun sets to the west, flipping the phone, no one calls 是习惯孤独的我该得到的吧 // This is what I, who am used to being alone, deserve to get right?

These lines were neat to translate. One subtlety that’s lost in English is the first phrase, “夕阳西下”, an idiom literally meaning “evening sun sets west” and usually used to describe a scene of sunset. However, it can also be used more figuratively to describe things going downhill as years go by and they age, so there’s a little bit of melancholy inherent in the idiom.

独木桥呀 把谁推下 才算赢家 // A single log bridge, pushing someone over, counts as a winner 我无声的反抗何时能战胜它 // When will my soundless rebellion prevail over it

This part of the song actually confused me a little when I first heard it. The “独木桥”, literally “single log/plank bridge” is a phrase that figuratively describes a very difficult path (ie, like trying to cross a single log bridge).

Overall, there’s a resentment of the perceived competition in life- often, it feels that for one person to succeed, they have to take down someone else. The singer thus is trying to stage their own resistance against this.

无论我 在这里 在那里 // No matter if I’m here or there 仿佛失魂的虫鸣 // As if [I’m] a panicking bug cries 却明白此刻应该做些努力 // But understanding that right now, should make some effort to try harder

无论我 在这里 在那里 // No matter if I’m here or there 不能弥补的过去 // The past that can’t be mended 每当想起 // Every time [I] think of it...

This section is an exact repeat from the end of the first verse.

想过离开 // Thought of leaving 以这种方式存在 // Existing in this way 是因为 那些旁白 // It was because of those narratives/asides 那些姿态 那些伤害 // Those attitudes/postures, those hurts

This is a repeat of the first section in the first chorus.

不想离开 // Don’t want to leave 也许尝试过被爱 // Maybe after [I’ve] tried [the feeling of] being loved 会开始仰望未来 // [I’ll] start to look up hopefully towards the future

The subtlety of this part is in the second line. “尝试” literally means “to try” or “to attempt”, and it is modifying “被爱”, “to be loved.” The correct way to understand this line in English is “After I’ve tasted the feeling of being loved by another.” Overall that sounds awkward though, which is why I didn’t use that particular phrasing in my translation.

The third line here uses a particularly yearning word to express hope- “仰望” or “to look up hopefully” combines the character “仰” for “looking up towards” or “admiring” and “望” for hope. Compare this to “期待” from the end of the last chorus, which was more of a tentative feeling of anticipation.

伤疤 就丢给回忆吧 // Scars, just throw them to the memories 放下 才得到更好啊 // Let go, to get something better

别怕 别怕 // Don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid

These lines forming the bridge are fairly straightforward. For my translation, I just linked the ideas to make it flow better in English (ie, “getting something better” reads quite awkwardly even though in Chinese it’s a perfectly natural way to express the idea).

想过离开 // Thought of leaving 当阳光败给阴霾 // When the sunlight is defeated by dark haze 没想到你会拼命为我拨开 // Didn’t think you would be trying your hardest to clear it for me

In the second line here, I dropped the “defeat” from my translation in favor of “faded” to make it flow better/sound a little more poetic. However, it's worth noting that in the original, the verb “败” is to be defeated/lose, with the implication of some type of struggle.

In the third line, “拼命” can be literally understood as “using one’s life” and translates to doing something “at all costs” or “as if your life depends on it.” It’s a very desperate term.

Overall the feeling here is one where the singer has already given up, the “sunlight defeated”, but unexpectedly, someone else continues to fight on for them, desperately so.

曾想过离开 // Once thought of leaving 却又坚持到现在 // But held on until now 熬过了 那些旁白 // Endured past those narratives/asides 那些姿态 那些伤害 // Those attitudes/postures, those hurts

This part of the last chorus echoes the previous ones, with some significant changes. The addition of “曾” for “once”, places the first line explicitly in the past tense. “熬过了” in the third line is also an explicit reference to the past, conveying that the singer has “already endured past” the things mentioned in previous choruses.

不想离开 // Don’t want to leave 当你的笑容绽开 // When your smile breaks outs 这世界突然填满 色彩 喔~ // The world is suddenly filled to the brim with color, woah~

In the second line here, the verb describing the smile is “绽开”, or to “burst forth”, basically suddenly appearing and with a very large presence. My choice of words here was “bloom” in English since that is a way we describe smiles.

In the third line, “填满” literally means “to fill/cram in” and is formed with the characters “填”, for “to fill [in a missing/empty space]” and “满” for “full.” In this case, there’s also a sense of something that was previously missing being returned in full.

抱着沙发 睡眼昏花 凌乱头发 // Hugging the sofa, sleepy eyes blurry, messy hair 夕阳西下 接通电话 是你呀 // The sun sets to the west, connected through the phone, it’s you

These last lines echo the first line from each verse. In the second one, “接通” means “to connect” but specifically in the context of a call connected, or a call picked up.

---

And that concludes my notes for this song. It’s a really beautiful song, and I saw more folks reading this translation than I first expected so I wanted to break it down and clarify all the liberties that I took while translating it. The language here is simple, but contains a lot of subtlety and intentional ambiguity.

[flying-elliska]

So I watched Happiest Season (livewatch with @beeexx my fave penguin enthusiast 🐧🐧🐧)

Overall I enjoyed it ? But it's not the light-hearted romcom it's been promoted as.

Spoilers !

The positive:

- Kristen Stewart, het icon of my teen years, is just glowing in this, like she is so happy to be finally playing gay lmao. This is really her story. Her character, Abby, is by turn charming, adorable, funny, and relatably awkward. Also, her glam butch style is just A++. And she has good chemistry with her co-star - they feel and behave like a believable couple (which has been a problem with actresses playing wlw in the past where you could really see they weren’t fully into it.) They were super cute together. This still feels cathartic somehow, like Bella Swan decided to go see a therapist instead of going off the deep end and finally figured herself out.

- I loved that this isn't the "token gays in a sea of straightness" trope. Abby's BFF is gay and really funny - and this particular trope feels a lot less annoying when the gay BFF is there for another gay person so it's more like queer solidarity instead of him being a prop for a straight person's development. Him trying to play straight was just hilarious. Aubrey Plaza plays Harper's (the other part of the main couple) ex and she is just great, seems a bit shady at first but her helping Abby out was just...so compassionate. Also she is probably the hottest character in this movie let's be real. And I loved the bit where she takes her to a drag bar (the straight bar where Harper goes to seems so drab in comparison fjfj)

- There were some funny, classic rom-com shenanigans moments - the sneaking around, getting stuck in the closet, etc...the creepy twins were quite funny too, if infuriating. My favorite was definitely Jane, the overlooked kooky sister, who "has been writing a fantasy book for the past ten years" (I can relate) and whose overachiever family has pretty much given up on her (I can also relate). 

-Ngl the whole ‘rich people being fake and neurotic and making everything x100 times more difficult than it has to be’ bit felt very realistic. Like, I’ve met those people, and they are just as annoying in this movie as they are in real life. Also a very realistic rep of having to fake who you are in a town full of fake people pleasers and over achievers (even if it was stressful to watch lmao) and how Christmas can bring out the worst in people.

- Even though it has issues, the ending was very heartfelt and I definitely cried. This movie is just really raw and sad in some parts, but in a way that felt genuine and you can tell that a lot of queer people were involved in making it. It really touches on this deep seated anguish of possibly being rejected, of not knowing whether your family is going to accept you or not, on desperately trying to pass because you’re afraid of change...I think a lot of that comes to the actors being really good, like all of them, and really acting their heart out. And the moment where the dad decides to forego a big donor/supporter because he doesn’t want to force his daugther to hide really touched me. I also really liked the part where the BFF talks about how everybody’s coming out journey can be different and it’s important to remember that, especially if you have the chance to come from a very tolerant background.

The Less Positive

- The movie has been criticized for being weirdly apolitical (for instance the dad is a mayor but we never learn anything about his actual political opinions) but tbh this is supposed to be a Hallmark-like holidays movie I think that’s kind of part of the genre to be in this sort of happy slightly tone-deaf bubble and I don’t think straight movies of this type get this sort of criticism so yknow i’m fine with that bit i guess not all queer movies should have to be deeply political (even tho yeah it’s still very homonormative and ‘all about family values’ etc etc)

- Most of the issues I have with this movie center around Harper, Abby’s love interest and the one who lies to her family about their relationship. Now, I think Mackenzie Davis is a really good actress. And I do feel sympathetic for the character. The movie really makes you understand all the pressure she’s under, how her parent’s love is conditional, all the public scrutiny, and why she behaves the way she does. And her finally pulling through made me cheer for her. However, there were a lot of moments in the movie where I was genuinely unsure if I should be rooting for Abby and her to stay together. She does a lot of things that are definitely deeply unhealthy and questionable and had me going ‘Abby pls run away while you still can’. I feel a lot of compassion for her. But I simply don’t think the movie gives us enough happy time with Abby and Harper for me to really want them to be together as a couple -they spend a big part of the movie being mad at each other. They should have given us more scenes with them at the start to really get a feel of who they are as characters and as a couple, so when it gets rough, we actually root for them to pull through. This is an issue a lot of mediocre romances have - they assume we will root for the characters just because they’re said to be in love. For me, that doesn’t really work. And even though the ending made me quite emotional (again, great acting) - as a romance, it doesn’t really work for me.

- I really liked the bit where the family realized they had been putting this pressure on each other to be perfect and as they shared all these secrets they finally came together as a family. But...honestly, the family started out as just so profoundly neurotic it felt a bit unbelievable (and their social circles felt like a nightmare). A bit like Abby and Harper’s relationship being all ok after Harper’s big change of heart. The whole ‘mom’s secret desire to do karate but it’s unlady-like’ being put on the same level as her daughter’s coming out had me rolling my eyes. And there is a forced coming out scene which I really really hate.

- I think what I am really tired of, is queer movies who center coming out so much, the anxiety of being accepted or not, etc. And who present coming out as this revolutionary process that is going to change everything immediately. In my experience, at least, it’s often a process of small inches, towards self acceptance, towards your family coming to terms and learning to be less unconsciously bigoted, sometimes good intentions, sometimes microagressions or being erased, etc etc. I also just really want queer stories and queer romances who are not centered on coming out, on ‘what will others/my family think’, who have shenanigans and tension based on other things, with characters who might struggle with self acceptance sometimes (or not) but who have other things going on as well and who are fuller characters. It’s about damn time. Until then, the movies we have will end up feeling a lot like a PSA for straight people.

Overall

I still think this is a pretty quality movie. Good acting, believable and often funny dialogue, good chemistry, etc. (And let’s be honest, the bar for wlw movies is uhhhh not very high.) I really enjoyed watching Kristen Steward play gay and have chemistry with pretty ladies. There was room for holiday gay movies (even tho I want to see more, with more diverse characters).

It feels like wish-fullfillment for a certain type of queer person - (upper) middle class, with parents who are...ambiguously accepting. It does transcribe well this tension of not really being to predict their reaction - and illustrates the importance of being very obviously accepting with your children - like tell them it’s okay for them to be gay from the start, even if they turn out to be straight - otherwise they will be left wondering if they’re not. It’s this fantasy that everything will turn out all-right after you come out, you will fit in your family better than before, your mistakes will be forgiven if you are earnest enough, and life can go on as usual but better. And it is sweet, and cathartic, in a way, even if not revolutionary.

But yeah, as a romance, I wasn’t entirely sold on it. And I think it was promoted as a lot more uplifting than it really was.

[glenngaylord]

Glenn Gaylord’s Capsules From The Bunker – Summer 2021 Lockdown Style

Like many of you, I’ve lost all concept of space and time during this lockdown era. I’d watch movie after movie, but somehow forget to write about them. I’d consume films for sustenance, but then I’d move on to the next task of cleaning a room, doing a crossword puzzle, or staring at my dog for hours on end. Thank goodness I have a few friends to have breakfast with every now and then, or else I’d have assumed I had been transported to a cabin in Montana. “Am I a film critic or a hermit?” I’d ask myself daily…that is, if I even understand what days are anymore. All of this is to say that I have a lot of catching up to do now that we’ve taken a baby step or two towards returning to some sense of normalcy. Wait a minute. What’s that? Highly transmissible variants? Back into the cave I go. While I still can, I’ve managed to blurt out a few capsule reviews of some films worth mentioning.

In Between Gays – Film Review: Summer Of 85 ★★★★

Prolific French filmmaker, François Ozon, has made a career out of finding dark crevices in the most unexpected of places. Here, with Summer Of 85, he tweaks this New Wave era gay romance just enough to upend our expectations. In pure Talented Mr. Ripley meets Call Me By Your Name meets Luca fashion, Ozon spins what could have been that sun-dappled, seaside summer that changed everything into a love that perhaps never was, zeroing in instead on a young man’s obsession for something unobtainable. Beautifully shot and acted, Ozon takes the story to more provocative places than you’d initially expect while still maintaining the boppy fizz of a great Cure song. Despite the mish mash of tones, the film has a pulse all of its own. It’ll make you swoon, pull the rug out from under you, and then make you wonder how he managed to quietly get a little twisted.

Summer Of 85 currently in select theaters, see official website for details. Released on DVD and BluRay August 17th.

Truffle In Mind – Film Review: Pig ★★★★

Writer-director Michael Sarnoski makes an auspicious feature debut with the story of a man searching for his stolen truffle-hunting pig. Caked in dirt, blood and looking not so much like a homeless man but as a person who died inside a thousand times over, Nicholas Cage gives one of his best performances ever as a man who seeks the truth at all costs. He asks his only connection to the outside world, Amir, played wonderfully by Alex Wolff, to drive him through Portland’s dark underbelly to retrieve his pet companion.

Although the film takes us to a rather unbelievable “Fight Club” moment, it generally holds its mood with credibility. It’s a great calling card, not only for Sarnoski, but also for his talented cinematographer Patrick Scola, who brings a painterly quality to every single image. The film finds beauty in a bite of food, a breath of air, or simply the compassion between two main characters who have seemingly little in common. It’s a shame the trailer elicits laughs when Cage utters lines like, “Who has my pig?” Clearly they want to sell the actor’s neo-gonzo persona, but Cage brings so much depth and seriousness to this project, only raising his voice once. He deserves the highest praise for committing to such an oddly touching, gorgeously quiet story. At risk of sounding Dad-jokey, the only thing that hogs the scenery is his porcine friend.

Pig is in theaters now.

All Is Lost – Film Review: Old ★★

In 1999, M. Night Shyamalan made a great film, The Sixth Sense, and has been chasing that dragon ever since, often to diminishing returns. His films, however, often do well because he has great concepts, a keen eye for visuals and timing, yet things always seem to turn clunky and inane real fast. With Old, he continues down that path by giving us something compelling—a group of people on a beach who age quickly—and ruining it with dialogue seemingly written by an algorithm and rendered unintelligible much of the time, while the terrific cast seem to have no idea how to make Shyamalan’s words sound any better than a high school play. A couple of sequences did make me sit up and take notice, and he uses compositions and offscreen space well, but overall, Old plays like a stretched-out episode of Lost, and like that cool but overstuffed series, you’re not gonna get very good explanations as to what transpires. Sure, the big twist works well enough on some level, but it doesn’t save you from the discomfort of watching good actors flatline in more ways than one.

Old is currently in theaters nationally.

Hi Fidel-ity – Film Review: Revolution Rent ★★★1/2

Shot in 2014, Andy Señor Jr., who played Angel on Broadway along with a host of other credits, staged the classic musical Rent in Havana during a thaw in our relations with the Communist regime. He did so against the wishes of his Cuban family, who suffered under Castro and insisted his production would merely serve as a propaganda tool for the government. He plows ahead instead, capturing the months long process in a rather artless home movie style. The aesthetics don’t carry any weight here when you have such a compelling subject matter. Witnessing his actors struggling with their performances while also living in harsh conditions adds new layers to the late Jonathan Larson’s story of squatters in the age of AIDS.

With a limited talent pool, one of whom doesn’t feel comfortable with the gay subject matter and another who lives with HIV himself, Señor finds new connections to Larson’s material as well as an affection for his heritage. What we may have taken for granted here in the US in terms of sexuality and gender expression feels like a whole new experience when seen through a Cuban lens. Señor speaks out against the Castros with quick sequences showing moments of oppression, thus preventing this film from perpetuating the lies of its government. Instead, he gifts the people of this poor, struggling country with a real sense of community and its first burst of musical theater in ages. Sure he’s a privileged westerner who dangles hope in front of people only to return to his cushy life, but he does so with heart and good intentions. You end up loving and rooting for his cast in this moving, sweet documentary.

Revolution Rent is currently streaming on HBO Max.

Do The Hustlers – Film Review: Zola ★★★★

Call me wary when I went to see a movie based on a viral twitter thread and directed by Janicza Brava, whose Sundance Award-winning short, Gregory Go Boom, proved to be not only tone deaf but downright offensive towards people with disabilities. Her new film, Zola, excels however, in ways her prior work has not. Taylour Paige, a standout in Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, plays the title character, a stripper who meets Stefani (Riley Keough) one night and is convinced to travel with her down to Florida where they can make a lot of money dancing all weekend. Things, however, do not go as planned, with Zola’s story escalating from one insane twist after another. Paige and Keough are outstanding, as are Nicholas Braun and Colman Domingo as their traveling companions. Jason Mitchell, so great in Straight Outta Compton and Mudbound, brings a wild, dangerous energy, something he shares with the film itself. It comes across as The Florida Project meets Hustlers, but with its own surreal, unexpected tone. I laughed out loud often, especially with Paige’s loopy reactions to her surroundings and the giddy, zippy energy on display. Zola chews you up, twerks on your face, and spits you out, exhausted yet anxious to see whatever this talented group of people will do next.

Zola is currently playing in select theaters and available on demand.

Banned On The Run – Film Review: There Is No Evil ★★★★

It’s impossible to review There Is No Evil without giving away its central premise, so I will avoid as much description as possible. Iranian filmmaker Mohammad Rasoulof has crafted a four-part anthology of sorts around an agonizing moral issue important to people worldwide. At the end of the first part, a stunning cut to an unforgettable visual reveals everything and allows you to watch the rest with informed eyes. Rasoulof seamlessly excels at different genres, from family drama, to action escape, to romance, weaving a tale of such depth and sorrow for its talented cast of characters.

The making of it proves as interesting at the film itself. Banned by the regime from producing feature films for two years and prohibited from traveling outside of Iran, Rasoulof, like any crafty filmmaker, came up with an ingenious plan. He slipped under the radar by calling these four short films, mostly shot in small towns far outside the reach of Tehran, and then had the final product smuggled out of the country. A filmmaker with such talent not only at telling stories, but the with ability to will his vision into existence against all odds, deserves the world’s attention.

There Is No Evil is available on DVD, BluRay and VOD now.

In Space No One Can Hear You Think – Film Review: F9: The Fast Saga ★★★

Considered review-proof, the Fast and the Furious franchise has ruled the box office for the past 20 years, so my calling its latest entry, F9: The Fast Saga, monumentally dumb will have zero influence on anyone’s decision to see it. We all know it’s big and stupid, as do the filmmakers. These films, deliver said stupid with such gusto, that you simply surrender and have a great time nonetheless. Nothing, however, prepared me, for this series to go all Moonraker, sending a car to a place no car has ever gone before. You’ll know it when you see it and probably say, “That’s ludicrous!” and also say, “That’s Ludacris!”

F9: The Fast Saga is currently playing on every screen on Earth and in select theaters throughout the universe.

[joekabox]

I just watched Digimon Adventure: Last Evolution Kizuna

I’m writing this while my thoughts are fresh, so I just want to say these may not be my final thoughts on the film. Sometimes a film takes a little while to fully hit me, and this is just my thoughts immediately after watching said film.

Spoilers below, and a lot of text. I had a lot to say, sorry. I also apologize if its a little rambley, that’s kind of just how my brain works. Anyway...

Going into the film, I heard mixed reviews from various sources. From some, I heard the film was bad, from others, that it was good, but from most, that it was just okay. Nothing horrible, nothing great, but an okay film. 

I’m not sure where I sit, presently, but perhaps I’ll come to an idea by the end of this review.

The film is very well put together. Unlike Tri, and arguably the last bit of Adventure and a good portion of Adventure 02, Last Evolution felt like a cohesive plot, beginning to end. It knew what it wanted to be, and it did it. There wasn’t a point where I felt confused about what was happening, and unlike Tri, it didn’t throw in random elements that went unexplained from 02 and proceed to leave them unexplained. I think the closest we get is a shot of Sora, alone, with her Digivice turned to stone with little explanation as to what happened, but honestly, I think we can all agree we know what was happening, just putting together the scenes the film showed us earlier of her and Piyomon together. She was hit first, and while the film didn’t hold our hand on her journey, her journey acted as a vehicle to drive us towards the ending of this film, and I appreciate it.

Every emotional scene hits, every action scene is well executed. The animation is fresh and new, but evokes the original style in a way that isn’t exact but certainly close enough. I think that was maybe a good choice, given the theme of the film itself. 

In tone, it isn’t just a sad waterworks of a story the entire way through like Tri tried to be, but instead one loaded with emotional weight but enough pep and action to keep it feeling upbeat most of the time.

Overall, I liked watching this movie. I felt compelled to keep watching, and the opening scene of the film is just a love letter to Adventure as a whole. I honestly forgot it was only an hour and a half long as I got engaged with the story, as it never feels slow but every scene has weight and depth to it.

This film seems to care far more about the characters and drive of the story than Tri did, and by that I mean it didn’t try fixing all the flaws of the original, but simply let them rest. I think that might have been intentional, as this movie really felt like a ‘good bye’ to the series. The entire plot was about putting Adventure to rest, after all.

Now for the bad stuff.

This film really missed the chance to introduce Biomerging to the Adventure mythos via Taichi and Yamato, and while it gave that honor to the antagonist of the film, it didn’t seem to bother with the protagonists, probably because people seem to cringe when some fans even mention the concept of humans turning into Digimon.

Tamers gave us the concept of Biomerging to drive home the idea that a tamer and their Digimon partner had a bond beyond just friendship, and while perhaps ham-fisted, was a great visual metaphor. Last Evolution seemed to have a subtle buildup to this same core idea, but when push came to shove, we have Agumon and Gabumon becoming very humanoid versions of their Greymon and Garurumon forms respectively, meanwhile Taichi and Yamato just sit on their shoulders and pantomime their actions. I’m deeply curious if the initial idea was to biomerge them, but they bailed last second, but I digress.

This film also seems to continue the trend of just not caring about 02, but less so. While I will 100% give this film credit for not only including the 02 cast but also giving them a plot within the film, they didn’t really feel connected to the rest of the characters, not even towards Hikari or Takeru, who they spent the entire length of a show with. They just sort of feel like sidekicks to the Adventure cast, and not their own characters. We never even get Imperialdramon, despite Imperialdramon being shown to be at least on par with Omegamon in abilities, if not slightly surpassing them.

And, my biggest complaint, and one that probably isn’t a surprise: the time limit on having a Digimon partner makes little sense when looking at the rest of the mythos. In 02, we are shown the character of Oikawa, who’s entire narrative is a lifelong goal to go to the Digital World like him and his late best friend always dreamed of, and relies on children to aide him because he’s a grown man (if I recall correctly). From that alone, it seems like the ‘adults can’t have Digimon partners’ angle makes sense...except it doesn’t, because in the last bit of the show, Oikawa finally does make it to the Digital World, and what awaits him on the other side? His chosen Digimon partner, who waited this entire time to meet them, having dreamed of the day Oikawa would one day visit the Digital World.

While I suppose the ‘grown ups don’t have Digimon’ bit isn’t necessarily unsupported, it feels like an unnecessary plot device. The only saving grace I think it has, beyond making for an engaging and emotionally impactful film, is that several points of the film suggest this may not be the final say. Gennai makes an off handed comment about the possibility of delaying it, and there’s a constant message of “well see each other again.” While that may be just a hopeful thing to say in the face of sadness, much as one often says such things to a dying loved one, a producer of Last Evolution has stated that the film does, in fact, line up with the established Adventure canon, including the ending of 02, which specifically states that not only do Taichi and Yamato have their Digimon partners, but that everyone gets a Digimon partner. 

If this film really is intended to be canon with the finale of 02, and that Agumon and Gabumon will one day return, then I feel this film simply cared more about its narrative of growing up and moving on than anything, and honestly...I don’t think that’s horrible, in retrospect. This film, as mentioned, had a very cohesive plot, and a very strong story it was trying to tell, and it did it well. At no point did I feel anything was done to punish the audience or throw a kink in the hose, if you will.

The worst aspects of Tri (which I keep comparing this film to, sorry), were its insistence to cut away from 02, correct things done wrong in the lore of Adventures past, and tell an ultimately disheartening and sad message of “sometimes bad things happen and it sucks and there’s no good side about it, but we must move on.” Last Evolution has a similar message of “sometimes bad things happen and it sucks,” but it goes on to say “but that doesn’t really matter, given all the good times we had, does it?” It doesn’t make you feel bad for having invested time into people and things you care about.

While Digimon Adventure: Last Evolution Kizuna was not perfect, and not the sendoff I wanted, it was okay. It was a love letter to the series, and it had a great deal of depth to it I’ve not seen in an Adventure story since my childhood, and at no point did it make me wish it hadn’t happened...and honestly I think that’s exactly perfect. That is exactly the message it was trying to convey.

At the end of the day, perhaps Agumon and Gabumon are gone, for now, but just because they left, it doesn’t mean they took their memory with them.

To quote the translated lyrics of Butterfly, by the late Koji Wada, which began each episode of the original Adventure:

“After an endless dream, in this miserable world That's right, maybe not using common sense isn't so bad after all Even with these awkward wings, dyed with images that seem to stay I'm sure we can fly, on my love”

[irandrura]

Terra Ignota

Over the last few weeks, I read Terra Ignota. I read all of the three published books so far: Too Like the Lightning, Seven Surrenders, and The Will to Battle.

Every review of Terra Ignota I have ever read is wrong. Or rather, every review of Terra Ignota I have ever read takes an extremely different perspective to my own, to the extent that I genuinely don’t understand how the author could have concluded that.

So as not to keep anyone in suspense, my perspective on Terra Ignota is that they are surprisingly trashy books, in a world that doesn’t make very much sense, but that doesn’t matter because the heart and soul of these texts is over-the-top soap opera drama. I think they are probably bad, and they outright offended me at several points, but nonetheless they drew me in enough that I wanted to keep reading. There is merit in that.

 If you’re the sort of person who cares about spoilers, this is your only warning.

As I said, I don’t understand most of the reviews I have read of these books. I simply don’t.

 I don’t understand the view that the writing itself is poetic and beautiful. Palmer has some good phrases from time to time, but overall I don’t find the prose particularly amazing. This is a very subjective point, so I won’t belabour it.

 I don’t understand the view that the books are a masterful triumph of worldbuilding. From my perspective, the worldbuilding is actually kind of half-assed, and more importantly, Palmer does not seem to actually care about worldbuilding that much. It isn’t her priority. Reading the books I found myself constantly asking “How does X actually work?” or “Y sounds totally insane, could you explain how it makes sense to me?” or “Z seems like it clashes with X, please resolve this contradiction for me?”, and Palmer never answers those questions for you. If I want some more explanation for why, say, a global transportation system serving billions of people is run without oversight, from a single private residence, looked after by a man well-known to be suicidally depressed… nope, I’m not getting that. If I want some context for how hive-switching works, or how it interacts with crime, not happening. Even minor questions: in The Will to Battle, our heroes talk to a band of criminals involved in human trafficking, and I immediately wanted to know what human trafficking means in a world where borders have been abolished, geographic nations have been abolished, and every place on Earth is just a short taxi ride from every other place. This is the sort of question Palmer does not answer or even acknowledge.

 And I don’t actually buy that she’s interested in the questions that I see raised when the books are spruiked to me. Are you intrigued by the question of what the world would look like if every individual could choose their own government, their own law code, unconstrained by geography? I’m intrigued by that. It sounds interesting. But this is not a question that Terra Ignota is actually interested in. It seems like it should be interested in it, and I read enough breathless expositions of how cool the hive system is that I expected Terra Ignota to be interested in it… but it’s not. If you’re interested in, say, the question of whether a permanent exit option would make absolute dictatorship more humane, as in the Masons, then I agree that’s interesting – but it is not a question that the text of Terra Ignota takes any interest in. The big worldbuilding questions raised by the hives are all window dressing.

 I don’t understand the idea that Terra Ignota is a brilliant depiction of utopia. I want to acknowledge straight off the bat that I may have a bias here, because Terra Ignota’s world is premised on the, well, genocide of people like me, or at least the forcible suppression and exile of people like me, but I don’t think it’s only the fact that I’m openly in defiance of the First Black Law. Rather, I note two things here. Firstly, it’s hard to see whether Terra Ignota’s society is actually utopian because we spend so little time in it. We do not see how ordinary people live in this world, or what makes it wonderful. What Terra Ignota spends most of its time on is the scheming and backstabbing of the dozen most powerful people in the world, and everyone outside that little circle barely exists in the text. (Abigail Nussbaum noted in her review that Terra Ignota’s world never really feels like it has more than a few hundred people in it, and I agree.) It’s hard to convincingly argue Terra Ignota is a utopia or a dystopia, because we never meet the whole population. We meet a small handful of amoral nobility as they play out a space opera Game of Thrones. That’s certainly entertaining, and I give Palmer credit for making it fun to read, but it’s not really an investigation of utopia. Secondly, where we do see glimpses of the world outside the parlours of the ruthless rich, it…honestly seems rather conventional, and rather like the 21st century. People work fewer hours a week, taxis are much more efficient, movies have smelltracks as well as soundtracks, they go to the Olympics, apparently the Oscars endured the collapse of all nations and religions… but there is little in this world that seems radically different to our own. It’s all minor, incremental bits of technological progress. They’ve eliminated poverty, which is good, but I usually expect something more radical from utopia than that. What do people actually do in Terra Ignota that’s different to what any upper-middle class American might do today? Other, of course, than not go to church, call everyone singular they, and wear tracking devices.

 I don’t understand the idea that these books deal with deep philosophical or theological themes. Like the hives themselves, it’s all window dressing. The narrator Mycroft is obsessed with the 18th century, and so is a bizarre anachronistic brothel that somehow every major world leader attends (cf. worldbuilding being weak, the world only feeling like it has a few hundred people in it), but they don’t do very much with this. Mycroft imagines Thomas Hobbes occasionally butting in, but his imaginary Hobbes has little to say beyond "Hi, I’m the guy who wrote Leviathan!” The characters reference Diderot and de Sade and Voltaire, but usually only on the surface level, and when they do try to go deeper, they often get the references wrong. The same for the theology. My point is not that Terra Ignota is bad: just that it isn’t really that interested in the political philosophy or the theology. It uses 18th century thought as an aesthetic. Deism, miracles, proof of God’s existence, how gods might communicate, etc., are not the questions that occupy the text. Ada Palmer is not a theologian.

 But all that said, I enjoyed Terra Ignota.

 I want to emphasise that. I enjoyed Terra Ignota! I am not saying that it’s bad! I’m just saying that it was not what everyone told me it would be.

 Terra Ignota is a book about a bunch of very powerful, very horrible people, who all apparently go to the same brothel and are interested in the same wacky theories about human nature and God and so on, lying to and betraying each other. I think Palmer is really interested in the characters. Mycroft, our pretentious narrator who by the end of book three is genuinely losing his grip on reality and writing hallucinations. Jedd Mason, the madman who believes he’s God, but is probably just the delusional product of a radical set-set experiment. Caesar, the iron-proud absolute dictator seeking to do his duty by his ambitious, power-obsessed hive. Dominic, the sadistic sexual predator who nonetheless worships Jedd with fanatical devotion. Carlyle, the kind and compassionate philosopher-in-residence who inevitably gets tortured and abused. Ojiro Sniper, the freaky sex doll who nonetheless seeks to become the Brutus to Jedd’s Caesar. Apollo Mojave, the dead-but-still-influential space wizard who sought to cause a world war for stupid reasons. And so on. The characters are generally well-drawn and interesting enough that I want to see what happens to them.

 I should emphasise Palmer’s achievement in making me want to know what happens to these people, especially because they’re all so unsympathetic. Carlyle and Bridger stand out as the most truly sympathetic characters in the novels, but by book three, the former has been captured, tortured, and now limps along, dead-eyed and broken-spirited, in the train of one of the resident sadists, and the latter has quite reasonably gone “Screw this” and used his immense psychic powers to delete himself from the book. But most of the core characters in this drama – Mycroft, Saladin, Jedd, Sniper, Ganymede and Danae, Madame d’Arouet, etc. – are mad, evil, both, or otherwise extremely unsympathetic. It is to Palmer’s credit that I want to know what happens in the war anyway. The most sympathetic of the political leaders in the text, Vivien Ancelet and Bryar Kosala, spend most of their time fruitlessly begging for peace. While they, perhaps alone of the leaders, have genuinely laudable intentions, it has been clear from the first book that neither will be permitted to achieve anything notable. The only people to barrack for, in Terra Ignota, are those noble if compromised few who seek to avoid a war – and who we all know will fail.

 Book four, it seems, will finally be about the war that the first three books have been setting up, and even though I frankly want all three sides to lose – the Jedd faction, the Sniper faction, and Utopia are all deeply unpleasant, albeit in different ways – I am sure I will find it extremely entertaining to see how this all collapses.

 Do I recommend Terra Ignota? I don’t know. If you want detailed, thorough worldbuilding, sincere contemplation of deep philosophical questions about theodicy, politics, and human nature, or a stirring vision of a possible utopia… no. Do not read it for those things. It does not have those things in it.

 But it does have a scene where the prime minister of Europe body-tackles the Olympic president through a plate glass window and they land in a pile of people having sex mid-orgy, while the media broadcasts it worldwide.

 And that’s excellent.

[motivatedtale-blog]

About Motivatedtale

.:Contents:.

.:Author’s Note:.

.:Summary/Idea:.

.:Characters:.

Motive

Unmotivated

.:Stray Facts and Resources:.

FAQ

Rules

.:Inspiration:.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.:Author’s Note:.

   Hey, so I've noticed this a long time ago but I’m just now confronting it since I got my computer fixed- it seems pretty impossible to reach the “About Motivatedtale” on mobile, even with the literal LINK to the page (I could only sort of access it through some loopholes in a browser- and the link just took me to my Tumblr instead), so I wanted to compile the information that’s in there into a post for any mobile users who may follow this blog. I’ve got more followers here than my art blog-- so even if there’s not much interaction each post, I think there’s at least a few people who might not have access to an about page here. Changes are very likely to be made and things will be added occasionally :)

.:Summary/Idea:.

 “Have you ever wondered what happens to creations when a creator gives up?”

 Motivatedtale is essentially an abandoned AU with no finished story or a plot. Which, ironically, not having a story is the story itself. It’s a tale about how the lack of motivation (along with other things like self doubt and lack of interest) in a Creator leaves a story unfinished, and with no reason to exist, no story, the AU is crumbling into nothingness, as it is being forgotten by the only one who knows about its existence- the Creator. However, there’s two characters in it that have to deal with that burden of having no ending or reasons to exist. And they’re completely aware of what’s going on.

 At least, the first one that was created is aware, because they were made to be that way. They inform the only other character (Frisk/Motive) about all of this when they meet. They’re a Sans of course (which is sort of a self aware joke because a lot of people either start with the Sans of an AU when creating characters, subtly revolve around a Sans of an AU in a story, or the entire story literally and shamelessly revolves around a Sans. This is not an attack on anyone). This Sans goes by Unmotivated, and is quite bitter about existing.  These characters have no finished story, no destiny, and no purpose. Being self aware of this can be a great burden on hope and happiness; ignorance is bliss, after all.

 What the AU would’ve been if it was “completed” is unsure.

 How the story ends is not fully decided or meant to be disclosed (for now), but even if this AU is finished or not, it is already technically complete. It symbolizes a project that is given up on; a project that is abandoned, and what would happen if the characters in these types of projects were conscious about this- if our ideas existed somewhere out there, somewhere where our decisions, intentional and unintentional, have a serious affect.

 So, if this AU is abandoned, it’ll be quite ironic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.:Characters:.

Motive

    Motive is the Frisk of this AU, and one of only two characters that are in this AU. Motive was created after Unmotivated, but the coloring of their design was given up on towards the very end. Their sweater is unfinished because the creator gave up on them due to being overwhelmed with empty and destructive thoughts, but the outline/shape is still there. The sleeve usually is never shaded/effected by light.

  Motive is an optimist, and believes that their AU will one day be finished. They have the soul of motivation, which is outwardly visible and tied to the loose hanging strap of their overalls. They don’t have preferences in pronouns (though they/them is usually the default), and calling them by any pronoun is fine (she/he/they/it..it really doesn’t matter, honestly).  

  Motive acts impulsively a lot of times and does not think of the consequences of their actions…or, they do, but they choose to move forward with their actions anyways. Since optimism is one of their key traits and it’s exaggerated and simplified in their character and logic, it can result in some bad outcomes. The same goes for their impulsitivity. They’re not that serious natured, and act more like a child than a young adult (despite being 18). However, they do make a lot of (sometimes unnerving) jokes that could be considered uncomfortable, but they mean no harm. While Motive is quite intelligent and empathetic, they’re distracted quite easily and might say or do inappropriate things during certain situations.

  Since Motive is technically a new character and was not fully developed by their Creator (backstory, powers, etc), their underdevelopment as a character is actually a big part of their development as a character. 

(More is to be added later)

Unmotivated

 The Sans of the AU, and the first ever character created (which again is poking fun of the idea that people usually start with the Sans of the AU for characters). Unmotivated is bitter and cynical towards his existence and his Creator, and is completely aware of the multiverse and AU Creators. A big fourth wall breaker. He’s apathetic, bored and often paints himself as emotionless and uncaring to hide any hurt/feelings of helplessness. He bottled them away a long time ago.  At first, Unmotivated was hopeful about his AU, but he was alone for an unspecified but long amount of time in his AU, and was driven to toxicity and bitterness during that time. He’s seen his universe grow, halt, and then slowly deteriorate- he has seen new ideas come and go, and is helpless to stop the rampant decay of his universe- his home- his story. He’s overall a pretty lonely character. 

When or why he got the nickname “Unmotivated” is unclear- but it’s definitely supposed to be a pun. He hates the name but finds it funny and ironic at the same time. 

  Unmotivated’s soul is held by a string that is woven into his rain coat. He considers this to be poor design choice but doesn’t really do anything to fix it. He often keeps his soul in his pocket for safe keeping.  (More is to be added later)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.:Stray Facts:.

• The AU resets (sort of like an update) each time a new idea is added. This is how Unmotivated is generally aware of Motive when they’re created. • The “Creator” resembles anyone who has abandoned or given up on their projects or ideas. This isn’t meant to put people that do this in a negative light.

•The white of Motive’s sleeve isn’t meant to be shaded since it’s “incomplete.”

FAQ (most are from amino since not many people ask here)

- What was the AU supposed to originally be before it was abandoned?

 This is undecided and left up for interpretation. However, based off of the design of the current characters, it can be safely assumed that the AU was supposed to be more lighthearted and cutesy. There are random bits and ideas spread throughout the AU that give glimpses to what it could’ve been.

- Can I draw fanart of these characters?

 Of course! I’d be honored to receive fanart and would love to see it! Just please keep things appropriate if you do.

- Is Ink Sans or Core Frisk going to be in the comic?

No.

 I’ve gotten asked this several times, and the answer is no. Doing this would completely ruin the theme and point I’m trying to get across with this comic. This story revolves around a Creator and their Creations, and there will be no other characters made by other people.

- Are Motive and Unmotivated shipped together?

NO.

 It’s fine as a joke but please realize they aren’t. This isn’t an AU centered around romance and would distract from the goal of the comic if I had that. While I’m not anti-frans in any sense, I still don’t want it in my comic.

- How often do you plan on updating the comic?

  Each page is published whenever I finish it nowadays due to stress of a schedule. I post them in bulks of 2-3 on amino and twitter, and whenever I finish the page on deviantart, instagram and here.

- Is the Creator a character?

 Yes, and no. The Creator represents not only myself, but any artist that has struggles putting their creations out there due to insecurities or other causes. They’re more symbolic and fluent rather than a structured and identified character. Of course though, if there is any introduction of the Creator, I would have to give them some sort of design- and I do have general ideas of what they’d look like. However, they’re still supposed to represent a broader group of people than just myself.

- What does Unmotivated think about other AUs/Sanses?

 Unmotivated has an apathetic mindset when it comes to AUs and other characters like him. He’s incredibly self aware and sees a much bigger picture. He knows characters are just pawns to their creator, and won’t get fazed by any story. Sort of like watching actors in a movie while constantly reminding yourself that they’re just actors. However, he is quite envious of anyone with a complete and happy storyline, since that’s something he lacks but yearns the most. That’s something he wish he had.

 Keep in mind Unmotivated and Motive cannot interact or travel outside of their AU, and no one can interact with their AU except the editor/creator.

Rules

• Please do not publicly RP with these characters unless given permission. This might be changed after more of the comic is complete, but I do not want these character’s personalities to be strewn.

•  Please do not draw or write NSFW with my characters– I am a minor, and a large part of my audience are also minors.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.:Inspiration:.

  Alright, this part is going to be a lot less formal and more personal. The idea for this AU came from my own self doubt and self destructive attitude as a creator. Doubting my own works and ideas has seriously held me back for a long time, and it STILL holds me back as I’m sure it has for many, MANY other creators like me. Musicians, artists, writers.. Almost all of us have that fear of trying out a new idea or making something you usually wouldn’t. Almost all of us have felt that crushing self doubt when you see someone better than you, and you tell yourself you’ll never be like them, your art will never be that great, you’ll never get that far…so on, so on.

  So, while I was trying to come up with an idea for an AU (which I had actually been considering for well over a year), the thoughts crept in.

“no one will like this”

“there’s enough AU’s”

“you’re unoriginal”

“this is a waste of time”

“the fandom is dying”

“you have horrible character designs”

“AU’s are overrated”

“this doesn’t fit your audience”

“people will judge you”

“you never finish anything”

“this is stupid”

“your art isn’t good enough”

“you’re not good enough”

“someone probably already came up with this idea”

“no one cares about your idea”

“no one would bother with your art”

  And ironically, all these thoughts gave me this idea.

  Even so, these thoughts have still been nagging me every time I even try to work on this, and it’s been taking a lot of courage to take on the heap of anxiety I have over something so harmless. I didn’t join the Undertale fandom for over a year simply because I was afraid of being judged for my interests,, fun fact. Never thought I’d be able to make an AU. I’m still quite nervous posting art of anything that isn’t Mario related for some reason.

  Putting all this to side though, I find the concept of what happens to unfinished and/or abandoned stories and projects interesting, especially if there’s an alternate reality that’s actually effected by your decisions. Kinda like you’re a god. I mean, imagine what it would be like if you had a creator and they just gave up on you, and you’re left with no purpose. Seems like it would suck, haha.

  So that’s basically my AU, Motivatedtale. If you have any thoughts or questions, I’d love to hear them. Thanks for reading if you did!

[gaiapaia]

Kermit and Friends: Regulus

This week’s special guest was Aaron Ozee, author of the very popular children’s book Regulus. The book was such a hit that it was made into an animated film, also titled Regulus. You can purchase the book here and rent or buy a digital version of the film here.

Regulus is about a ‘Rat King’ who refuses to share his cheese with the mice he considers beneath him. Unfortunately for the Rat King, he loses his King status and the bully then becomes the bullied. 

The book has a very strong anti-bullying message, and Elisa’s first question to Aaron Ozee was about that. Aaron would explain how he was bullied growing up and how it deeply affected him in a bad way, only then to use it as motivation in an effort to help others going through the same kind of bullying he suffered as a kid.

Bullying would be a strong theme throughout the rest of the show. Elisa got bullied for the shirt she wore, she was verbally abused by her fiancé, accused of exploitation by a moron, dogged by multiple KAF Wrap-Up show hosts... I mean, Elisa was catching flack from all angles this week for little to no reason. It was unbelievable and a bit disheartening if you’re like myself and care about Elisa.

Andy Dick is simply out of control. After trying to con Elisa out of $650 earlier in the week, he called her a “Fat whore” among other horrible names at The Grove in front of strangers and children on Saturday. He even got his ‘boyfriend’ Lucas to join in on the harassment. Just an awful situation that no one deserves, especially Elisa who has treated Andy like absolute gold these last couple of months.

Elisa finally seemed fed up with Andy’s abuse, but it wouldn’t last long. After claiming she was done with him, Andy actually appeared on the show just as Elisa was getting ready to end it. He was being nice and I could tell right away that Elisa would let him back in her good graces.

Andy would give a half-assed apology for his actions from the previous day, only then to call Elisa crazy and psychotic, only again to apologize after that. Elisa not only accepted his apologies but then offered to take him out to eat after the show. It seemed like she wanted to shift all the blame on to that Lucas guy, letting Andy completely off the hook.

People who don’t like Elisa will look at this behavior and call her weak, or they will say she’s hanging on to Andy no matter what he does just because he’s famous. The idiots who say that would be very wrong.

Elisa doesn’t have an angle. She’s been in abusive relationship after abusive relationship. I’m afraid Elisa doesn’t love herself so she’s more attracted to people that treat her like crap. Elisa will turn 33 in June so she’s old enough where this isn’t some wild young woman phase. My theory is subconsciously Elisa believes she deserves the abuse. It could possibly stem from her parents shipping her off to a demonic boarding school where it stuck with Elisa that sort of treatment is what she deserves in this life. She doesn’t deserve it, though. Not at all.

Elisa may not agree with me but I feel I’m right about this because I’m speaking from personal experience. I deal with the same self-loathing issues I believe Elisa has, but it’s easy for me to sit here and say Elisa should start loving herself more than to look in the mirror and tell myself the same. One of the many reasons why I will never look at Elisa in a bad light is because I can relate to the inner-struggle she’s been going through all these years. I just wish there was a way Elisa could see herself in the same spectacular light I see her in.

Elisa talked about these grandiose visions she had of herself and Andy, being featured on the cover of Forbes magazine, creating hit music, starring in movies... the works.

Just think about this... if you’re reading this blog, you already know how talented Elisa is, even if you don’t like her. You know she’s already achieved a level of success that not 1% of the population will achieve in the entertainment industry. So why does she need someone like Andy freakin’ Dick in order to vision herself on the cover of Forbes magazine? Imagine if Elisa set the goal without a man or anyone else’s help by her side... could she do it? I 100% believe she could if she gave it her all. I understand success isn’t anywhere near as fulfilling when you don’t have anyone to share it with, but you should at least strive to share your success with someone who treats you well.

Anyways, I apologize for jumping out of the review to share my personal feelings. I’m not happy with Andy, I’m not happy with that relationship. I want Elisa to have fun and create a show she can be proud of. It’s easier to accomplish that with a wacky outgoing famous guy like Andy Dick, I get that... but at this point, in my opinion, it’s not worth it if this is how Andy is going to treat Elisa.

Elisa is a grown woman though capable of making her own decisions. I will always love Elisa and wish the best for her because I know she has a beautiful heart/soul and her intentions are always good. There’s more I want to say about the situation but I’ll move on.

Back to Aaron Ozee... he gave a fantastic interview. He’s a very positive guy with big goals but also humble and polite. T-Bob tried to ruffle Aaron’s feathers with a couple of asinine questions about Black Lives Matter, and Aaron couldn’t have handled it more eloquently, even winning Trumpster Bob over (no easy feat). I was extremely impressed. On top of that, Aaron was respectful and non-judgmental to every KAF regular he talked to. Just a truly swell guy and I hope to see him more often on the show.

Kermit made a couple of new friends this week. One was Johnny B’s alter ego, Joannie B. Think Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire and that’s Joannie B. Very humorous stuff. A guy in some kind of Star Wars helmet named White Kanye also made his debut on Kermit and Friends. Apparently he’s been in some escapades with Andy Dick and told some stories. Unfortunately, it was impossible to tell if he was being truthful.

Chris Christine blessed the show with her presence again. She opened up about the 20 years she spent in the American military and how it led to some traumatic mental anguish. Chris credited an Andy Dick Cameo she received as to why she didn’t commit suicide a couple of years ago. She was incredibly sweet and even offered to pay Andy that $650 I mentioned above. Chris also said a lovely prayer for Elisa and Andy. What a sweet soul Chris is all around, she’s easily one of my new favorites.

Sharmin and Dr. Roy joined us in Miami. They’ve been having a vacation together and they helped Elisa sort through her feelings regarding Andy. It was awesome to see them having fun and looking so happy.

Eric Riggs had another sex video presented on the show, this time involving a pen and his rear end. Eric called in and made Elisa shut off the video before the conclusion. He was fine with last week’s sex tape but I guess this week he felt embarrassed. Eric would later read a poem about some woman named Mindy that owes him money, which also somehow involved Elisa’s vagina and horseradish. One of the weirdest poems I’ve ever heard but hey... that’s Kermit and Friends.

Barry “Boss” Mezey called into the show to accuse Elisa of exploiting Kermit’s friends. Barry fails to realize that Elisa gives a platform to literally anyone who wants to make use of it, and the people who garner the most interest from the audience are the people Elisa will feature the most, just like every other reality show in human existence. Barry’s phone calls could not have been more wrong, shame on him.

Lastly, Elisa sort of snapped this week on a chatter by the name of Nikki. Nikki criticized Elisa’s shirt and then said she could have a more popular show than Kermit and Friends if she tried. I think Elisa had some pent up frustration regarding Andy and sort of it took it out on Nikki, which by my estimation Nikki honestly deserved anyway. I just wish Elisa had that same fire not to put up with Andy’s BS. But Nikki has said some very mean things about Elisa in the past, both on Discord and on other Kermitarian related streams, so it’s not like Elisa attacked some innocent princess who made one bad comment. Nikki can be funny but she’s not a nice person at all, so while I commend Elisa for apologizing and feeling guilty over her words to Nikki... sometimes the bully gets bullied just like in Regulus.

The show ended with Elisa playing yet another tremendously creative music video from her talented co-host, Sugar. Overall it was a good show. The interview with Aaron was very professional and well done, and the Andy stuff I’m certain was entertaining for most people. KAF continues to deliver every week, just as I’m sure it will next week. 'Til then, I sincerely thank everyone for reading and I hope you all have a superb week... well, unless your name is Andy Dick, in which case you deserve a very bad week with another bite to the face from my main man Fozzie.

[aion-rsa]

Why Kid Cosmic Is About “People, Not Powers”

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This feature contains some spoilers for Netflix’s Kid Cosmic.

After exploring the stretches of space, wonder, and imagination in shows like Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends and Wander Over Yonder, Craig McCracken returns to the realm of superheroes with Kid Cosmic, a more direct, comic book-esque take on the genre than his first smash hit show, The Powerpuff Girls. 

The show stars Kid, a young boy who finds a set of superpowered stones, and from there, all heck breaks loose. In the midst of fighting waves upon waves of aliens and creatures from other worlds, however, is an earnest, realistic story about a boy dealing with grief, and the small town that unites behind him through it all.

Den of Geek got a chance to chat with Craig over email about the show, about what it means to be a superhero, and how Netflix allowed for Kid Cosmic to explore that in a more mature, “all ages” way that’s arguably beyond the scope of most animated kids shows.

Den of Geek: Kid Cosmic is about a kid who is so engaged in comic books that when a set of super-powered stones literally lands at his feet, he wants to be a real superhero, arguably at some pretty significant costs and risk. What influenced you to come up with this specific premise? How do you view this, and the serial, thematic nature of it, against the immense number of superhero based media in the world today?

Craig McCracken: I was inspired by the supreme confidence that kids have at that age. I, like a lot of kids, dreamt of being a superhero when I was young, and in my fantasies I was always amazing and really good at it. I had that same confidence with my drawing when I was young. I drew all the time, I studied every cartoon and comic I could get my hands on, and I had the passion to do the job. I couldn’t understand why I had to grow up and go to art school before I could have that career, I was ready for the job at 12! 

The answer was that I wasn’t good enough yet, I had way more to learn (still do!). So I took that personal childhood experience with my drawing and applied it to superpowers instead. The thing that I feel sets Kid Cosmic apart from other hero-based media is that it’s focused less on epic hero mythologies and more on the smaller human stories. In writing the series we always reminded ourselves it’s about the people not the powers. 

Style wise, the show is heavily indebted to the classic comic book/serial look. The framing and storyboarding; the uses of fonts in the credits; the nifty end cards with the characters on fake comic books. One thing I’ve noticed, specifically, is that the movements at points were jumpy, as if frames were missing. Was that a conscious choice? Do you think that adds to the look and feel you’re going for?

A lot of the choices that we made in Kid were based on the fact that these are real people in the real world, they aren’t cartoon characters. So with the animation we avoided overly smooth and flowy actions or lots of squash and stretch, things that you associate with “cartoons.”  If an action felt natural on 3s or 4s we kept it. 

New Mexico as a setting is an inspired choice. There’s something freeing about its wide expanse of desert, but also terrifying in its (from a kids’ perspective) unexplored nothingness. How do you think the setting reflects the themes?

It’s not specifically New Mexico but sort of a generic rural southwest desert vibe. It could be New Mexico, it could be California, it could be Arizona, basically it’s a remote enough place where a spaceship could crash and not a lot of people would know about it. The other thing that is nice about the desert is that it forces you to tell a story about the characters because there is no surrounding environment for the characters to get distracted by, it’s a flat empty stage to play in. It’s also alone in the middle of nowhere, sort of like Earth is in the greater universe. 

This is, relatively speaking, darker than most kids animated shows. It has pretty brutal alien deaths, and while they’re dispatched in unique ways (colorful blood, “de-rezzing” out of existence), they’re still a bit more intense then what’s usually out there. How was Netflix in responding to this? Do you feel there may be a kind of commentary here on how sensitized kids may be to the kind of violence they witness in superhero comics and films?

Again that’s the reality creeping in, even though there is fantastic stuff happening, Kid Cosmic doesn’t take place in a fantasy world. Danger exists, the stakes are high. This just increases Kid’s struggle and makes it more real. At the beginning, Netflix said this isn’t specifically a “kid’s show” it’s an all ages show that can be watched by young viewers, families, animation fans, anybody. So from their perspective, anything that you might see in a big summer superhero movie was fair game. 

I want to talk about the Kid himself, who, to be blunt, is a lot to handle in the first few episodes. The approach seems to be that the Kid needs to learn a lesson about humility and what it means to be a “true hero.” But I’m also fascinated by his tragic backstory. It’s portrayed vaguely, but hints at his motivation. Do you feel that keeping the specifics of what happened to the Kid at arms’ length works to prop up the theme?

I wanted to tell a story about a real kid and kids at that age aren’t perfect. They make mistakes, they may be a bit intense or selfish and are hard to deal with sometimes. It’s part of growing up and maturing. Often heroes for young viewers are portrayed as aspirational. They always do and say the right things. I wanted Kid to be more realistic and relatable. 

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As far as his backstory goes, my father passed away when I was 7 so what motivates Kid to want to be a hero is very close to me. We felt he should have a more sincere motivation in wanting to be a hero other than it would be fun and cool. It had to come from a real place and losing his parents and wanting to stop bad things from happening felt more true. Keeping that part of the story at arms’ length was a way to keep the overall tone of the season balanced. Even though Kid carries this real and heavy weight around with him, we didn’t want it to drag down the overall fun and energetic tone of the series. 

Stuck Chuck is portrayed as the Kid’s conscious – specifically, his self-doubt, his frustrations, his lies. Can you go into more about the conception of this character?

Frank Angones, who I did early Kid development with, and I are both huge Buckaroo Banzai fans and we were talking about a scene that got cut out where after the Lectroid ship was destroyed Buckaroo found some random Red Lectroids left behind who forgot to get on the ship. We thought the idea of having to deal with random aliens was hilarious. So we applied that to Stuck Chuck, and what started out as a joke turned into an absolutely essential character. Chuck is not only a constant threat to Kid’s life but he is a constant threat to his confidence. He’s like an anti-Jiminy Cricket and is one of my favorite characters in the show. 

Later in the season, there’s a big twist in who the real villains are, and in the process, the depiction of superheroic antics are pushed up to a ridiculous degree. It almost feels like a winking satire of the whole “Space Force” thing. Was that intentional? Do you think there’s a tension that exists between the depiction of superheroes and their connection, however tenuous, to a military aggressiveness that merits more discussion?

I get asked that a lot, but I came up with Earth Force Enforcement Force long before Space Force. Aggressiveness is the right word. As a fan of superheros I’m tired of being told dark stories about heroes more focused on fighting and winning wars than actually helping the innocent victims of those conflicts.  I miss good guys that are actually “good guys.”

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The ending, to keep things vague, is a pretty sudden transition from the initial premise. If granted a season 2, what other themes would you explore? Do you think you’ll be able to keep a solid grasp on the true nature of superheroics, if you place them in a new setting where over-the-top superheroics would be necessary?

We want to explore other ideas of what it really means to be a hero. If season 1 was “heroes help” what other aspects are essential to be a hero? So we plan on exploring that idea but through the experience of some of the other characters. Namely how does a teenage waitress from Earth suddenly lead a team of regular people to save the universe? Again it’s about the people, not the powers. 

The post Why Kid Cosmic Is About “People, Not Powers” appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[alazyamateurgamedev]

Inaugural Post

I’m going to ramble a bit about some basics of game design on a far too philosophical level, but I think it is something to consider if you are considering game design.   I end up feeling like this is something developers end up ignoring when they develop their games. For this particular rant, I’m going to focus mostly on video games, since by and large, they don’t have to involve other people, which makes the overall experience much different.  So as I refer to gaming below, think mostly of video games, but I also think it still applies to all kinds of game design.

First of all, games are, by my definition at least, a form of art.  This is at the core of a lot of my musings about gaming, and it supplies the main challenge in making something good.  Sure, they have an extremely technical requirement in terms of making it, but it is still basically a form of art.  I’m sure a lot of people who don’t get gaming would say “Oh its not art!”, but really the goal with a game is to achieve some sort of emotional response (IE Fun, joy, fear, etc) or possibly intellectual response (IE “Let me stop and think about this), and that is all I think any artist who is trying to achieve. In this particular case, I am defining an artist as anyone who creates some sort of creative work, and can include art, literature, music, movies, architecture, etc.  Medium is not important in this context.

Now, I am also going to focus on the idea that a game designer wants to try to a) Share their game with anyone interested and b) make money.  Now, there are many reasons to make art, and some of them don’t involve public exposure, for example, painting or drawing as a form of therapy.  If that is the case, this discussion isn’t targeted at you.  In completing your project, you have hopefully achieved what you wanted.  So if you are designing and building a game for some personal reason with no real intention of exposing it to the public, then this does not apply to you.  However, I presume most people who publish a video game are trying to achieve something else like making money, accolades of people, or just sharing something they think is fun.  The first two may seem self-serving, but I don’t think it is wrong.  You should get credit for the work you put into something.

Because it is a form of art, that makes creating something “Good” much, much more difficult.  In engineering, you can pretty often easily define “good”.    Your basic goal with a non-artistic product (say a refrigerator) is to make something that does what is expected (It keeps the inside cold at a fixed temperature), and mainly to do it for a profit.   So, you can define your general goals pretty easily, and then test against them to know “Hey I did a good job” or “It does a bad job”. Things like “Does the temperature stay constant while it is running?” “Does it stay on?” and “Do the doors fall off if I open them too much?” are all things you can define and test against.  This is a bit of an over-simplification, as the appearance of your fridge is quite important and subjective and also because it isn’t always easy to define what parameters are acceptable, or how to define the parameters, or how to test for them, but hopefully that doesn’t happen to you as an engineer, or if it does, that is why you are paid the big bucks.  

Now, this long-winded explanation leads to why gaming is hard to design.  At the core of almost any game is the idea that it should be “fun”. But it is extremely hard to define “Fun”.  What is fun? As a baby, sucking on your toes could be considered fun, but most of you probably do not consider it fun now.  Some people think hiking or running is fun, but I do not.  So fun is different to different people, and different to the same person at different times.  This means you have an impossible to define goal post when trying to design a game, at least from an engineering standpoint.  I bring this up, because this is probably why you see major AAA game publishers publish substandard products, and sometimes why you see Kickstarter funded games take 3 extra years to develop (more on Kickstarter in future rants). For a software company, the company’s goal is to make money, and so to make a profit, they will need to sell enough copies of the game to cover the cost to develop it.  Part of that cost basically boils down to time, since it costs money to pay employees, and the more time you take to develop a game, the more it costs the company, and the more copies they need to sell.  

This is just an educated guess (I’m lazy, so I’m not going to do any research on this, but I’m sure it exists), but I expect many of the “Terrible flops” were actually the company defining some sort of timeline for the game’s development that ended up not working out. They either skimped on Quality Assurance (QA, also known as testing) and the game didn’t work right, or they skimped on development, and so the gameplay just wasn’t good.  Sometimes, it is just a flawed design, and you figure that out too late, and you’ve already sunk a ton of money and time into the project and need to decide what to do about it.  Do you go forward with a crappy design or do you go ahead and release a substandard product in hopes that you can make some of your money back?  Most larger companies will choose the latter, because they need to stay in business.  A handful do not, and they are interesting cases:  Blizzard before they merged with Activision and Valve.  Both were notorious for not releasing games quickly, and I think you can see the polish in the Diablo and Warcraft (But not World of Warcraft) series, as well as the Half-Life series.  I made the possible mistake of playing Half-Life Alyx before any other VR game, and its beautifully defined controls have spoiled me as compared to other similar VR titles.  However, I’m pretty sure they worked on that for ages before releasing it as perfect as they could.  However, they have loads and loads of cash and can wait.  Looking at Cyberpunk 2077, to me that looked like they ran out of testing time, and thus why it was such a buggy launch, despite the delays, and they were forced to launch.  Finally, I expect the entire lack of tangible Diablo 4 news is because they think they are missing some major component to make it what they want it to be.

My overall point on all of this is that it can take time to develop something fun, especially something that can be as complex as a game.  And on top of that, a game has technical challenges that other forms of art do not.  Not only do you have to create a fun system, but you have to make it work, and do it in a visually and acoustically engaging way.  So not only do you have to make the Art, sounds, story, gameplay, but you also have to make sure it all works right.  There are some ‘shortcuts’ you can take, like using established game engines (Like the Unreal Engine or Unity) so you don’t have to invent from the ground up, but that both adds cost and a possibly restrictive framework to work in.  

Now, you are probably asking why am I rambling about all of this?  This goes back to what I was originally rambling about, which is why are you making a game.  You are probably aiming for your game to be well received, and either make some money off it, or at the very least, get good reviews and encouragement.  So my point is if you wish to be successful, please make sure your game is, at the core, fun.  If, after you make it, you look back on it and think “I would never play this.” Or “I’d be bored with this after two minutes”, you probably didn’t do a good job. Most of this blog will probably revolve around this idea of what is (and isn’t) fun, so I hope you’ll keep reading it. If you take anything away from it, I think you should aim to make a game that is fun to the audience you want it to be fun for, but just remember that the more restrictive your audience, the less successful game you probably will have, and really to make sure your game is, in fact, fun.  

[jeremys-blogs]

Men Like You: One Marvellous Scene

Well, I said I was going to do this at some point, and I think it's high time I made good on that promise. For those who don't know, last year there was a collaboration between a number of Youtubers to discuss their various favourite scenes from the Marvel Cinematic Universe and why they felt they should be held as the best scenes in the franchise. It was really great and you should totally check the videos out. But, this did leave me with a bit of a pickle when it came to doing my own thoughts on the matter. You see, I wanted to talk about a scene I loved, but I also didn't want it to be a scene that had already been covered by the others. This was tricky since they'd already talked about most of my personal choices. After a while though, I found it. One moment I utterly adored in the MCU that, to my knowledge, hasn't been mentioned by anyone else. And that's what we're going to talk about here. A moment brought to us courtesy of the original 2012 Avengers movie, my personal favourite of the big crossover films, that shows what is, quite possibly, the most under-appreciated moment of heroism in a franchise built on acts of heroism.

So, our scene takes place just prior to all our heroes meeting up for the first time. Loki, Thor's brother and the big bad of the movie, has just made a big show of himself in an art museum in Germany. And when his business there is finished, he waltzes out onto the street, causing havoc and terrifying all of the ordinary citizens around him. With his illusions he herds a whole crowd of them together and demand that they kneel, which they soon do out of fear. Loki, going full dictator mode, lords over them with this big speech about how he's above them and that they're all just natural servants to him, "meant to be ruled". Confidently, he declares how ordinary people will always kneel. In response, one old man among the crowd slowly gets up, looks Loki in the eye and states firmly that they will not kneel to men like him. When Loki counters by saying there aren't any men like him, the old man rebuffs him, "there are ALWAYS men like you", before Loki readies his scepter to kill the defiant human. And just when it looks like the old man is about to die at the hands of the film's villain, Steve Rogers, Captain America, jumps in to save him, ready to bring Loki down a peg.

Now, there's a lot going on here in this scene that I want to talk about, but to start off let's cover the basic surface-level stuff. Because this moment, which is only about a minute long, is pretty much a microcosm of the entirety of the superhero genre, and not just those of Marvel. We have a hammy villain coming along and declaring himself the best thing ever, towering over frightened people and threatening them, ready to even kill one who steps out of line. And then, at the last moment, a superhero comes in from out of nowhere to take the hit and save the day, bringing hope to a hopeless situation. This right here is superhero stories in a nutshell, so on that basic level, it works really well, even if Marvel does eventually develop a reputation for undermining or subverting a lot of classic superhero tropes further down the line. And of course, there's the acting needed to pull off a moment like this, Tom Hiddleston is clearly having a blast as this wonderfully evil baddie, Chris Evans fits the role of a classic hero like he just stepped out of the pages of a comic book, and as for the unnamed old man, for that we give thanks to veteran actor Kenneth Tigar.

And it's really the old man here that I wanted to talk about. What he did in this scene is very possibly the bravest and most noble act I've seen among any of the regular people in this franchise. Oh sure, we've got heroes aplenty putting their lives on the line to fight the good fight, but this guy isn't those guys. He hasn't got a fancy suit of armour, or an indestructible shield or the power of the gods on his side. He's just a man, and an elderly one at that. He knows full well that Loki could end his life in a heartbeat if he wanted, yet here he is, standing up among the crowd, staring down this invader, and telling him that he's not going to submit. Standing up to someone more powerful than you is an incredibly courageous thing to do, especially when it's someone you know has malicious intent. But that doesn't stop him. He still there, still standing, refusing to kneel to this self-styled king of the world. He's an ordinary person, but he nevertheless a hero in this scenario. A hero whose name we don't even know. We only ever see him this one time, and no other film even mentions him, yet what he does here has remained in my mind ever since I first saw this movie back in 2012.

Special mention also has to go to just how important a moment like this is in a superhero movie, as it helps to remind the audience of exactly what, or specifically for who, the superheroes in question are supposed to be doing, protecting ordinary people. It can be hard sometimes in films and comics and what have you, when heroes and villains are duking it out over the fate of the world, to remember that, at the end of the day, it's the everyday people in the street that are in danger and need help. When you have big and apocalyptic events, the average Jane and Joe can get lost in the mix, made to feel like they aren't as important in the grand scheme of things. So a scene like this is vital for keeping the audience rooted in what truly matters. The often-nameless (literally in this case) men and women who get caught in the big fights. They're the ones the heroes are supposedly there to champion, so a character like this old man is really needed to put a face to that overall concept. Right now, this man represents all those that Loki would seek to dominate, hurt and kill. The people that Steve and the other Avengers need to fight for.

But as much as I wish I could have nothing but praise for this scene, there is one sticking point that needs to be addressed, and that's the reasons for its inclusion in the film. You see, Joss Whedon, the director, added this scene apparently because there were fears and worries about how it might come across if they simply had a scene of German civilians kneeling down to a dictator without question. Now, on the one hand, I sort of agree with where they're coming from, since that would likely send the wrong message, even if it was unintentional. But on the other, it's not as if they're going along with Loki by choice here. He's shown his violent tendencies and has already killed a man in full view of everyone. This isn't people bowing down to him because of force of personality, it's a hostage situation. They kneel because their lives are in danger, not because they actually want to follow Loki's lead. So while I give a lot of credit to this scene, I'm afraid I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with the idea that not having it in would put the citizens in it in a bad light. Though it does at least make the nameless old man all the more courageous as a result.

Despite that small bump in the road, this scene still has a lot going for it. In a franchise where it's easy to think you need to go bigger, more epic, more extravagant, you can forget that it's sometimes the smaller moments that truly stick with you. This scene, with two characters whom everyone in the audience will know and remember, shines all the brighter because of the inclusion of the one character whom they wouldn't. A single act of bravery in the face of certain death that makes this tired-looking old man look like a giant, even among the other heroes. Ordinary people standing up for what's right is always a powerful symbol, no matter what context it's happening in, and while shots like Steve marching to his doom against the full might of Thanos' army will always be heroic and epic, there's something to be said for bringing the scale down a bit. To show that heroes can emerge when you least expect it, among those not typically thought of as heroes in a genre like this. This is a scene that's likely to get lost among all those other moments that have been discussed by the aforementioned Youtubers, but for me, this will well and truly be the true Marvelous Scene in this astonishing franchise