#that damn roulette wheel took me forever

[eternalxyn]

Lucky me… fate, spin the wheel~

[beelsnack]

Obey Me! Boys and the Cute Date They Would Take MC On

Lucifer: “I feel like I don’t belong here.”

When Lucifer had mentioned that an orchestra was going to be performing, they had been so excited to go that they nearly vibrated out of existence. But now that they were here, that excitement had morphed into a heavy lump of anxiety hanging out somewhere between their heart and stomach.

Lucifer glanced down at the human with a raised eyebrow. “And what in the Three Realms would make you think that?”

For a moment, they were quiet, looking around at the crowd of demons dressed to the nines. Elegant silk evening gowns and smart tuxedos abound. Their black slacks and dress shirt made them feel so under-dressed that they might as well have shown up naked.

Lucifer, sharp as ever, pulled them closer and leaned down the speak in their ear. “You needn’t feel intimidated, my dear.”

“I don’t feel intimidated, I feel stupid.”

“That isn’t any better.”

They sighed, casting another look around the hall. Golden mantle pieces, an elegantly-winding staircase, chandeliers absolutely dripping with crystals...everything made them feel incredibly insignificant.

“Should I have gotten more dressed up?”

Lucifer chuckled. “So that’s what has you worried?” 

He lead them away from the entrance into the hall proper. “All of these demons are dressed the way they are because they must work at being beautiful. You, my dear,” he stopped in front of them, reaching down to carefully hold the peacock pendent hanging from their neck - the only piece of jewelry they wore. “Are the only one who is naturally radiant enough to wear my symbol. These peasants could turn themselves into pure gold and they would only shine half as bright as you do.”

They could feel their face grow hot enough to catch fire. They opened and closed their mouth like a fish, intent on refuting Lucifer’s compliment, but he gave them no option. With a deep laugh that they felt travel up their spine, he offered his arm to them in a move straight out of a Victorian romance novel.

“Now then, shall we go? You’ll love this orchestra, I promise.”

Mammon: “I can’t believe there’s street fairs in the Devildom!”

It was surprisingly similar to something you would see up in the Human Realm. Strings of fairy lights lit up the cobblestone street that was lined with all kinds of stalls. Food stalls selling a variety of things that probably shouldn’t be deep fried but are anyway, games of chance, craftsman selling their wares - “Don’t buy anything from that one, all of their crap is cursed and they charge a fee for removal.” 

“Come on,” Mammon clicked his tongue as the two of them wandered throughout the fair. “Did’ja think the Devildom was all doomed souls and torture chambers?”

“...Yes?”

The demon paused before shrugging. “Ya know, that’s fair. But we have an image to keep, don’t we? Can’t have the little humans knowin’ about our bitchin’ carnivals.”

“I’ll take the secret to my grave.” 

Somewhere a little down the street, they could hear the spinning of a roulette wheel, and Mammon immediately perked up. 

“Aw yeah, now we’re talking! Come on, human, you get to see the Great Mammon in all of his glory!”

A thin spike of fear ran through their body as Mammon grabbed their wrist and tugged them through the crowd. “Didn’t Lucifer ban you from gambling? Like, forever?”

“Whatever, what he don’t know won’t hurt ‘im,” they finally reached the roulette booth. “As long as I don’t lose and you don’t squeal, we don’t have anything to worry about!”

“Mammon, there’s a big, gaping hole in your logic there - “

“Have a little faith, human!” Mammon grinned and he slapped some Grimm down on the counter. The glint in his eyes was damn near predatory, and it sent a different kind of shiver down their spine.

The demon behind the counter chuckled gleefully as they spun the wheel. The crowd surrounding them hooted and hollered and shoved each other to be able to watch the wheel, but Mammon looked surprisingly calm. He stood with his arms crossed, eyes trained on the pointer at the top of the wheel.

If they hadn’t been standing right next to him, they wouldn’t have noticed him rhythmically tapping against the sleeve of his jacket.

It was almost imperceptible, but the clicking of the wheel appeared to be following the beat that Mammon was tapping, slowing as the pauses between beats got longer. Eventually, both Mammon and the wheel stopped...

Right on the number he had bet on.

The crowd groaned as Mammon collected his winnings, some hissing at him as they dispersed. The Avatar of Greed looked truly in his element as he flipped a Grimm in the air. “Told ya.”

“You were...using magic?” the human looked back and forth between the wheel and Mammon. “You manipulated the wheel.”

“Aw, man, I was hoping you wouldn’t catch that.” he sighed, pocketing his earnings. “Can’t ya just pretend I have incredible luck?”

“I will if you buy me food.”

“Deal.”

Leviathan: Going to the arcade on a Wednesday at noon was definitely one of Levi’s best ideas.

“Why does your aim suck so bad?”

“Oh, you are SO lucky this game doesn’t have friendly fire, Levi.”

“You couldn’t hit me even if it did.”

They were standing close enough that it wasn’t difficult for them to learn over and bump him with their shoulder. His grip on the orange plastic gun slipped and the virtual bullet went flying off into cyberspace. By the time he managed to correct himself, the zombie he had been aiming for was in the process of devouring the character on screen.

“Hey, what gives?!”

“Oops, sorry. My aim really sucks, you know.”

“That doesn’t even make sense!”

Despite their dirty tactics, Levi still wiped the floor with them, cackling gleefully as their scores tallied up on the screen. "Beat that, normie!"

They pouted and blew a raspberry at him. "Jerk. I want a rematch!"

"You're on!"

Satan: If they hadn’t been in the Devildom for so long, they probably would have been scared out of their mind.

That being said, they had been in the Devildom for a while, and seeing an intricately detailed panorama of a demon cat devouring a person alive was only a little unsettling at this point.

“Wow, that must have taken a while,” they got up closer to the exhibit. “It’s like I can hear the screams of agony.”

“Apparently the artist spent a century just on the expression,” Satan came up behind them, slipping his hand into theirs. “It shows, doesn’t it?”

The Devildom Art Museum was having a special exhibition on Demonic cats, and of course Satan had managed to snag tickets for the two of them. They didn’t particularly want to know how he had managed that.

“So, where to next?” they asked.

“The next room has a collection of cursed cat collars.” Satan nodded his head towards the door. “Apparently there’s one that causes whoever puts the collar on their cat to choke to death.”

“Okay, but if there are any there that harm the cats we’re firebombing the place.”

Asmodeus: “See, I told you this place was cute!”

He hadn’t been lying. The little cafe was tucked into a little side street, and the outside seating provided one of the best views of the lake that they had seen aside from being inside the castle grounds. The moons were just beginning to appear as they sky transitioned from the dark lavender color that served as the Devildom’s “day time” into full darkness, and the reflection from the lake made everything sparkle like diamonds.

“How did you even find this place, Asmo?” they asked as they were seated by the host. “This is pretty hidden.”

“Didn’t you know, darling?” Asmo laughed, reaching across the table to weave their hands together. “Some of the most beautiful things can be found in the strangest of places.”

“That’s pretty, but it doesn’t answer my question.”

“I slept with the owner’s son.”

They couldn’t hold back the definitely-not-cute snort. “Yeah, that tracks.”

“I never pass up an opportunity to fuck someone who can cook.” he said sagely. “I want to be fed before I have to do my walk of shame.”

“Don’t you have to have shame for that?”

“Hush,” Asmo giggled. “Here, they have a human-safe section.”

Beelzebub: “I don’t know, Beel, this place, seems awful expensive.”

The conversion rate between human currency and Grimm sometimes threw them off a little bit, but anytime you say three zeroes it was never a good sign.

“Does it?” Beel glanced up from the menu to look at them quizzically before peeking down at the prices again. “Ah, I guess it would. You don’t have to worry, I’ll pay for it.”

“That’s not - “

The server arrived, cutting off their protest. From the sheen of sweat on their brow, the human took it that the staff knew Beelzebub and his famous appetite. Even just the appetizer was enough to feed a whole family. When the waiter finally turned to them, he had to flip over to a new page in his pad. He looked rather relieved when they simply ordered water and fried bat wings (which they had discovered early on tasted a lot like chicken wings and it was therefore their go to.)

When the server dashed off to place their massive order, Beel turned back to the human. “What were you saying?”

“I don’t...” they sighed. “I won’t be able to pay you back.”

“Why would you have to?”

They blinked, tilting their head. “Huh?”

“I don’t mind paying. Plus, I get a discount here.”

The human glanced around the fancy dining area. “This doesn’t look like the place to give out discounts.”

“A lot of places give me and my brothers discounts. Well, Mammon lost a few of his, I think.”  Beel shrugged. “I think it’s because we’re considered nobility? I usually leave the discount as a tip though.”

That explained the grin the host had on their face when they sat them.

They smiled up at him. “You’re so sweet, Beel.”

Belphegor: Nights in the Devildom were surprisingly peaceful.

Once you got past the ideas of torture chambers and crypts, the nights were just like ones up in the Human Realm. Quiet, lazy, and on clear nights, you could see the stars.

“Do you know what that one is?”

The human followed where Belphegor was pointing. “Hm...Orion?”

“Ding.” Belphie laughed. “I knew you would be good at this.”

In typical Belphie fashion, he had texted them out of the blue and told them to meet him in the courtyard at midnight. They thought about just ignoring him and going to sleep, but now they were curious. Which was probably the demon’s plan.

When they arrived, Belphie was laying down on a blanket he had spread out on the grass.

“Took you long enough,” he yawned. “I almost fell asleep waiting for you.”

“It’s only 12:02!”

“Bold of you to assume I can’t fall asleep in two minutes. Are you going to sit down or what?”

And that was how the two of them ended up cuddled next to each other and stargazing.

Belphie knew a surprising amount about constellations.He was able to point out which star was named what, and knew most of the myths that the constellations were named after. Unsurprisingly, listening to him talk was very soothing, and they could feel their eyelids drooping.

“If you want to sleep, you can.” he finally murmured, sounding close to drifting off himself. “We can keep each other warm.”

“...I don’t think Lucifer would appreciate finding us passed out on the lawn.”

“All the more reason to do it.”

[carcrazedfool]

This morning, thanks to @cooperbmwcolchester I’m damn excited about my M2 arriving and the epic Frozen Gold 763M wheels! I think the Sunset Orange and Frozen Gold combo is going to look awesome. Should I consider any other upgrades...? Anyway, it reminded me the time I got super excited about the ‘roulette’ billet aluminium wheels I found for my stretched Firebikes FBR cruiser. This bike was a build of time and devotion. Took forever to find all the right parts. There’s nothing else like it. #goboldgogold #billet #aluminium #fbr #firebikes #stretch #cruiser #mad #madbike #beachcruiser #coolbikes #bike #legend (at California Walnuts UK) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuBGtB1gBJo/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=eejcp3t1iika

[phanarchy-blog]

The Better Part of 2012

Description: There’s a reason Phil suggested taking Dan to Vegas for his 21st birthday. It’s the same reason all the footage mysteriously disappeared.

Words: 1.5k

Content Warning: alcohol, gambling

Read on AO3!

“Dan,” Phil whispered as he booped his boyfriend’s nose in bed, “Wake up, baby. Happy Birthday!”

Dan groaned and hid his face in the crook of his arm. “My birthday doesn’t start until 11am. Before then it’s not acceptable to wake me up.” He chuckled as he ripped the sheet up and over his head.

“It’s 10:52,” Phil said. “And I already ordered breakfast, so you might want to put on pants. They’ll be here any minute,” Phil laughed.

“Hhhnnngggg, well shit. I guess I have no choice.” He rolled out of bed and slipped back into the swimming shorts he had been wearing all day yesterday.

The hotel Phil had booked was really quite impressive. It was beautiful, of course, and it had a pool which they had been hesitant to leave yet, what with the desert heat in June. So far they had hardly seen any of Vegas.

As they heard a knock on the door, Dan scrambled to the opposite bed. It hadn’t been used. The move was not lost on Phil, who frowned slightly.

“We’re not gonna get caught, relax.”

Phil answered the door and wheeled in the shining cart with their room service, tipping the employee generously as he waved goodbye. Much too perky for the time, Dan thought. Phil set their silver trays on the bed and sat next to Dan.

“Hey,” he said, grabbing Dan’s attention. He pulled his face up to meet his, kissing his boyfriend softly. When the time came for a typical kiss to be broken, Phil only gained passion. Dan thought he may melt into Phil from it all. He began cursing the edges where Phil ended and he began, wishing instead to be one entity, like this forever.

Only then when that ache became clear did Phil stop to catch his breath. And that’s when Dan noticed he too had stopped breathing.

“What was that for?” Dan asked, staring intensely.

“I just wanted to,” Phil answered as he took the safety lighter from the tray.

“Wait.. Why is there a lighter?”

Phil lifted the cover from Dan’s meal and revealed the stack of waffles underneath, dotted with whipped cream, coated in sprinkles, with a single candle placed in the center. Phil lit the candle.

“Happy birthday, Dan.” Phil watched as Dan gave him that look that said really? but it quickly turned into genuine appreciation.

“I love you, Phil,” he said.

“I know you do,” Phil answered seriously. He abruptly snapped back into cheerful mode as he continued, “I love you too. Now make a wish!”

Dan thought for a moment, his eyes catching his boyfriend’s and blew it out in a puff of breath. 

By 7pm, the day had been filled to the brim with sightseeing and exploring. They had ridden a roller-coaster, explored a castle replica, toured the make-shift French Riviera (deciding after all that they would have to see the real one some day). And now sat across from one another in a dimly lit dining room of a rather fancy restaurant Phil had been lucky enough to get a table at.

The candle light glowed against their faces and Dan giggled at how romantic it was. Phil finished his second glass on champagne that night.

“Well, this really has been a great birthday, Phil. Thank you.” Dan stood up from the table, readying himself to return to the hotel. Phil rose to meet him.

“You say that like it’s over!” Phil interjected excitedly. “We’ve only done the wholesome stuff so far. Are you up for some gambling?”

Dan considered it for a moment as they opened the door of the restaurant and exited onto the Vegas strip, the sun setting low behind the skyline. Orange faded to pink, faded to dark blue.

“Yeah, what the hell. We’re in Vegas after all. Who knows when we’ll be back.”

With that, Phil grabbed Dan’s hand and pulled him into the nearest hotel casino he could see.

“You’re so excitable today, Phil. What’s different?” Dan questioned, though the smile on his face revealed he was actually quite enjoying it.

“I’m just really happy to be here with you,” he said, leaning his head on Dan’s shoulder for just a moment. Just long enough that even people who recognized them would miss the chance to capture it on film.

“Well, I’ll get drinks. Gotta celebrate being 21 and being able to drink in the States.” Dan trailed away from his partner slowly, glancing over his shoulder to watch him awkwardly standing around a roulette table. Dan gently shook his head smiling. That boy.

“Sex on the Beach and a Mojito, please,” he said when the bartender finally addressed him.

“ID, kid?” Dan was too encapsulated by the night to be offended. His haircut after all, made him look like a teenager from five years prior. He showed him the UK identification and the bartender made the cocktails in silence.

With one in each hand, he returned to Phil, giving him the Sex on the Beach and taking a long swig from his Mojito.

“Damn that’s strong,” he said. “Good though. So how do you play?”

“Roulette is a bit too complicated to explain everything right away,” said a stranger from behind them. The woman was easily a foot shorter than them. “But watch for a little while and you’ll get the idea.”

So they did, and for two hours they bet the minimum on occasion, but truthfully just finding entertainment in watching others. The alcohol slowly hitting their bloodstream and pulling their heads higher into the air. The excitement around them pulsing, Phil spoke.

“I feel really lucky right now, Dan.” Dan lightly slapped his arm.

“Phil, tonight I’m done being skeptical,” Dan nearly slurred. “If you have a feeling, you go for it.”

“Kiss me,” he said. Dan’s eye widened, the statement sobering him momentarily. He looked around to see if any obvious fans were nearby. When he noticed no one even turned their heads at them, he could feel his shoulders drop, calmer already.

“I’d feel a lot luckier if you kissed me,” Phil repeated. Dan blushed deeply, looking at his feet.

“Come on, darling,” a tipsy onlooking woman cheered. “Kiss him!”

Suddenly the whole table was rooting for it, and Dan leaped forward to meet Phil’s lips, realizing that this may be the only time they could be in public with little risk of running into a subscriber. After all, their core audience probably wouldn’t be allowed into a casino, to say the least.

He kissed him gingerly, sharing his love for Phil in front of others for the very first time.

With that, Phil blew on his chips and set them in 3 spots into the board. The red 9, symbolizing the year they met, the black 11, symbolizing the date which was now Dan’s birthday, but Phil was now about 95% sure would mean something more very soon. And finally, the red 21, Dan’s age, as of today. He didn’t share his thought process with anyone.

And as the wheel spun, and the table went silent, Dan closed his eyes, opening them to the sound of happy screaming and the feeling of a pat on the back. A random man gripped his shoulder and shook him slightly.

The ball had stuck on 21.

“Oh my god!” He shouted. “How much did we win?” He looked at Phil, watching his partner cover his smile with both hands.

“In your favorite words, Dan- A fuckload.” Phil kissed him again. Dan wrapped his arms around Phil entirely, throwing all sense of caution to the wind. When the two finally parted, Phil was grinning.

“Let’s get married,” he said. Dan smiled widely, albeit a look of confusion in his eyes.

“Tonight? Are you serious?” he questioned. “Can we even do that? We’re not even citizens here.” Dan brushed the thought out of his mind, but hope rose from his chest into his throat, where it felt remarkably like nervousness. He swallowed, looking his boyfriend dead in the eye.

“I looked it up. If we get married tonight, it’s legal in the UK. I brought our birth certificates. I wanted to have the opportunity to be spontaneous, if it felt right. And my god, it feels right to me.” He waited for Dan to answer, but Dan just stood still, tears threatening to spill from his dark eyes. “Dan? What do you think?”

“You’re really proposing right now?” he asked. Dan wiped the corners of his eyes, failing to be subtle.

“I really am. What do you say?” Phil grabbed Dan’s hands and pulled his body close.

“It feels so fucking right,” Dan said. He closed the distance between them, engulfing Phil and holding tight to his waist as he leaned backwards, lifting Phil’s feet off the ground for as long as he could hold him.

“We’re really doing this,” Dan confirmed. Phil laced their fingers together.

“We really are.” He squeezed tighter. “Let’s go!”

By 11pm, they were standing in suits and ties in a cheesy little chapel. They had decided to walk together down the aisle, arm in arm. As the Wedding March began to play, Dan hesitated.

“Dan?” Phil gave him a worried look, causing Dan to bust out in laughter. He shook his head. He stepped forward, signaling for Phil that everything was definitely still on.

“It’s nothing,” he said. “It’s just that this was literally my wish.”

Thanks so much for reading this non-inventive, but still fun to write, phanfiction! Thoughts? Comments?

[sdmntay]

Ricegum disstrack - Callux (aka what I do when I should be focusing on homework)

I’m calm I got a little rice in my palm I used to like you But attack my friends and end up Like a peshwari naan I swear My friends were like Are you sure you want this beef? His videos bang Slap and smack your head Off the back roulette wheel in the MGM Grand Don’t make me fly there, don’t make me go Don’t make me bring my Vegas trip 6 months forward just to go to your yard And take every dollar that you’ve ever shown You really went in Really good vid… Didn’t hold back Not even a bit SIKE Took you a week to come up with that shit???? Pause Let’s go back to why we’re here You took shots at his sub count Cause your numbers have come in under a year? What is that fear? Wait are those tears? Has Afrogum taken you up the rear? Be careful who you send for Cause quickly those subs will disappear Man clickbaits on the everyday Man clickbaits in every way Man clickbaiting girls like… ‘I last forever’ They’re like… 'Lol I faked’ Coming at Behz for all his collabs Find it kinda funny how you can say that When your most viewed video is clearly fake In your own living room sitting 6 hours straight I guess $20,000 dollars Is what it takes to get girls to holla Acting like a big baller Take it down a notch I’ll do the honour Sidemen disstrack W2S diss Sidemen sidebar WTF is this? All these tricks to get more views When you blow up quick got a lot to lose Ladies and gentlemen Roll up, let’s dish out some truth I was out in LA at Vidcon in June Remember my girl was standing next to you? Didn’t introduce yourself, kinda rude And alright it’s her fault too… Maybe you were in a socially awkward mood First thing you said was 'How many subs do you have?’ Really dude? I thought rice was supposed to be useful? Fix my phone and that… But you’re not useful at all Same old content Plus vanilla and clapped I see them vlogs I see them instas Different girl but the same old picture Buying them bare shit right? I guess that’s how you trick them I saw your vid with fousey I took two takes All for the YouTube drama channels “To make a severe mistake” I knew that shit wasn’t real Shakey camera, bad acting It didn’t look right I knew that he was fake But you as well??? I see the light I also see a little pattern happening Because I’m not the only one With a sick disstrack back at you But you only reply to some What about Gabbie’s? She murdered you But not a comment or a tweet? If Behz has no apology I’m going back to back And you are meek I loved your content at the start Fresh, new, it wasn’t corny I got your dm when I followed you Hey thanks homie I told you how much it made me laugh But what went wrong? Run out of ideas and kids to bully? It was always the same old song? Your video was up for 20 mins Then you went and changed the description 'My video would have got no views…’ 'Nobody knows him, listen’ 'Thanks to all the Sidemen’ 'I mean please don’t diss me back’ Should’ve thought about that before bro You fake hype beast twat Fake Yeezys Fake off-white Fake LV Fake appetite Fake girls Fake friends Fake life Fake ends Fake Afrogum Fake money Fake content Fake honey I have to stop man I feel bad But damn this shit is funny Bending Ricegum over In the backseat of my Uber This guy’s crying YouTube Rewind People be like 'huh who’s this guy?’ Have you ever blown your nose? That shit���s always sounding closed This is how to rap, I’ve shown you But for now this rap is over