#that angel is sad when humans die the same way he'd be sad if he saw a puppy die.

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

unironically the first post is how I feel about Aziraphale

the only reason this does not apply to the second post/rb is bc yall are ATTACHED to him for some reason

more modern viewers rly needs to learn the thousands years old tradition of “hes a cunt and a menace but i want to see what he does next”

[the-faceless-bride]

Some Of my current ideas and obsession Blurbs (if you find any of them interesting, I'm open to hearing ideas 👀👀)

Part 2 ->

Imagine being a demon...

Imagine Part of your power has to do with death, corruption, and seeing who someone was when they were alive... as a demon, the death of Rengoku Kyojuro broke you. He was such a beautiful, loving, caring man. Giving such an unfair and unfortunate death... you just couldn't accept this...

Imagine You bring him back as he springs up after your ritual. His hair was a mess, covered in dirt, his clothes ripped. He gasps for air as if it was the first he's had in centuries... "Poor unfortunate soul, so sad, in need... come allow me to give you a second chance."

Imagine His horror. Him. Now a Demon. Tethered to you. Unable to die again unless you give him permission to do so... he tired. Sat in the sun. But while he felt weak and itchy, he didn't die. He hated it. Hated himself. He hated you. You who, while yes, didn't have malicious intent. Who gave him a second chance at 'life' as you called this... you who brought him back and unlike when he was alive in his final moments felt no pain, no hunger, he hated you.

Imagine slowly helping him come to terms with his eternal life. From Enemies (one sided) to Lovers letting him stay with you in your small hidden village of other demon families that have also been brought back and tethered to you. Still fulfilling his dreams, taking down the demons who "lost their humanity and deserved their eternity to end."

Imagine the conflict you face, when His once friends and found family find him... a demon... still classic Kyojuro but yet so different... what do you do? An angry group of Hashira Pillars cursing you for what you did to their friend. Kyojuro broken and ashamed of what he is once more at the heart break of his friends being scared of him, some of them hating him all together...

Imagine him calling out to you, help him. Make them listen. Please. His Angel... his little firefly... please make them understand. He can't bare the way they look at him... help him... he needs you.

Rengoku Kyojuro × demon Reader Trope: Enemies to lovers

Now also Imagine being a demon...

Imagine being a demon who was so desperately, hopelessly, in love with Gyomei Himejima. Hopelessly devoted to a man who didn't even know you existed. You watched him at night, singing your sweet song and lulling him to a deeper sleep each night. Wishing nothing more than to one day be able to caress and memorize every inch of his mind, body, and soul. Wishing to kiss his soft looking lips...

Imagine desperately trying to deny what you know is true... you've heard it from your fellow demon 'friend' over and over again. And tonight, you were desperately trying to hold on to your dreams... "[name] just face it... he's a Demon slayer. A hashira. And to him, you're a monster... that something no amount of love is going to change. You'd be better off not thinking about him anymore. If you really love him, you'd let him go... besides a pretty human girl will probably catch his attention sooner or later..." You hang your head as tears fill your eyes, it's not true... it's not. He could love you. He could...

Imagine one day, you run into him in the Forest. The Forrest trees are so thick that the completely block out the sun, it's only a small section of the Forest. You liked to come here to lay in the flowers, and apparently Gyomei had thought the same...

Imagine He needed a quiet place, today had been a very hectic day. No peace and quiet today at all. He'd simply sat under a particularly large tree, focusing on his breath. You'd sat so unbelievably still. Not wanting to move and risk ruining this perfect moment. You were so close. You'd never been this close to him before and it made every part of your cold body ache.

Imagine accidently rustling the flowers catching his attention instantly, and he jumps to stand in a defensive position. You quickly kneel head pressing to the ground as you apologize for disturbing him, and not wanting any trouble. But oddly he doesn't attack you and instead he apologizes for startling you. At first you were confused. But then it clicked, you Had not attacked him like a demon would. He's blind. He doesn't yet realize you're a demon... this was it. Your chance. To speak to him. To hear him address you... to hear him say your name...

Imagine Pretending to be human, making it seem like you were a measly human girl who came here to sit in the flowers to relax... and this was how it went for some time... days turn to weeks, and weeks turn into months. You'd been keeping this secret of yours for 3 months, your love for Gyomei stronger and flame of obsession brighter. And he'd become so open to you. Telling you almost eveeything... sure you'd felt guilty lying to him... but you just couldn't let him. Go...

Imagine one evening, the sun setting, the fireflies and the colorful flowers surrounding you... you gain the courage to confess... stilling your heart of how much you admire him, you know that he way not feel the same way... but even if he'll never belong to you... that's OK, you are happy to just dream and be his dear friend... but to your shock and joy he accepts your confession. He's gained feelings for you. You could almost cry... but then... in an instant the happiness... your happily ever after was ripped away from you in an unfortunate series of events "Dearest... your hands are so cold..." - "GYOMEI!" A his friend Mitsuri calls out her foot steps quickly approaching, more footsteps following behind. "AWAY DISGUSTING MONSTER!" she cries her sword just barley missing you as your arm is severed clean off. And instantly Gyomei's face goes through so many emotions... worry, Confusion, shock and finally realization... and he let's you go. You dash away vanishing... "Gyomei! Are you ok?! That awful creature tricked you! She must've planned to devower you then and there if I hadn't noticed your absence! Are you OK my friend!?" The sounds of other Confused voices all speaking over each other planning to find you... Gyomei thinks of her question... is he OK?... honestly... he doesn't know...

Gyomei Himejima × Demon Reader Trope: unrequited love/Forbidden love

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Sunlight (Hozier)

All the tales the same/Told before and told again/A soul that's born in cold and rain/Knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight/And at last can grant a name/To a buried and a burning flame/As love and its decisive pain/Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

But whose heart would not take flight/Betray the moon as acolyte/On first and fierce affirming sight of/Sunlight, sunlight, sunlight/I had been lost to you, sunlight/And flew like a moth to you, sunlight, oh, sunlight/Oh, your love is sunlight

"I come down with the shivers and start hyperventilating when i hear this song and it makes me want to go outside which is the scariest part"

"I'm not gonna go full infodump here but this song is Peak Vash and Nicholas D. Wolfwood from Trigun-- specifically Nick's feelings towards Vash. Vash's (literal) evil twin brother Knives hired (read: threatened to eradicate the orphanage he kidnapped Nick from as a child if he didn't do what he was told) Nick to act as bodyguard for Vash and guide him to where Knives wants him to go so he can manipulate him for his own gain. Like, he chose the name Knives. This bitch is crazy beyond crazy but this ain't about him. Nick starts out 100% willing to guide Vash like a lamb to slaughter because he HAS to for the orphanage, and this is just some random guy he doesn't know or care about. But then he gets to know Vash, how good of a person he is despite the shit the world (and Knives) has put him through. How he'd rather risk his own life and health than kill another person because he believes he doesn't get to make that choice for people. And despite being someone who'd rather shoot first, pray for them after, Nick starts trying to wound rather than kill just because Vash doesn't like it. It puts them both at risk and he fusses and argues about it and still kills sometimes but he tries anyways. Eventually he decides that he'll do what he can to protect Vash from Knives without provoking him to destroy the orphanage. He ends up caring about him deeply against his own will to the point that his idea of Eden would be to live with Vash and their friends in a peaceful world where none of them have to fight and die. In the manga, Nick's dying request is to see Vash smile again- the genuine smile that he's complimented every time he's seen it. Vash can't give him that, because he knows Nick would see that it was a forced smile. Instead, he just sits with him until he dies. Afterwards, Vash kills willingly for the first time in his entire life (over 150 years. He's not human btw) in order to protect Nick's childhood friend Livio. He wouldn't just do that for just any friend or ally, no, that was out of love. Love so strong he could go against his own mother's teachings that all life matters and people don't get to choose when a life ends, the thing that has kept Vash pacifist all these years, to keep someone that mattered to Nick alive. So while Nick never knew that Vash cared for him the same way he did him, the fact matters that he does."

A Good Song Never Dies (Saint Motel)

There was a moment, a hole opened in the sky/A chance to join their pantheon/For all the times they never heard your battle cry/Now even angels sing along/'Cause a good song never dies/It just reminds you of where you were/The first time it made you cry, the first time you felt alive/No, a good song never dies

"Listen. Listen. It has so many LAYERS, so many fucking. It can be seen from so many angles, for so many characters. It can be an egotistical maniac who doesn't want to die, a sad angsty man who's looking beyond the grave, you can make this song you BITCH and it WORKS."

[duhragonball]

Chainsaw Man ch.40-47

🎶Pu-ma man/ When will he find love? (Pu-ma man)🎶

We have now reached the Reze arc, which is the longest one thus far. I get a sense of importance from this one, although it kind of repeats a lot of the same situations we've seen before.

Last time, Makima took Denji out on a date, and reassured him that he does indeed have a heart. Denji's been riding that high ever since, because it's been troubling him for a while now that he might be losing his sense of empathy and other emoitons, but apparently all he needed was Makima to tell him "nuh-uh" and he's fine.

On his way home, it starts raining, and he takes shelter inside a... well, it looks kind of like one of those covered bus stop benches, except it's much smaller, like it's only meant for one person. Then a woman ducks inside with him and she starts laughing, then crying. She says it's because Denji's face reminds her of her recently deceased pet dog.

Denji donated money to some charity collection on the street, and they gave him a flower in return, so he gives this to the woman to cheer her up. Well, he pretends to cough it up from his mouth. On the first reading, I thought he had actually swallowed it, because I wouldn't put it past him.

When the rain lets up, she invites him to the coffee shop where she works so she can thank him properly sometime, and he has nothing better to do so he just heads straight there. He actually makes it in before she does, but she's happy to see him so she just buys him a coffee and sits with him, even though she's supposed to be waiting tables.

So it's basically what we've seen before with Makima and Himeno. Denji meets a girl who acts nice to him, and he immediately falls in love with her. The only real twist this time is that he decided after the date with Makima that he's devoting himself to here, so now he's falling for this girl, Reze, and he feels like he's in a love triangle now.

And what makes this internal conflict so sad is that neither girl actually cares about him the way he thinks. We'll get to Reze later, but I think it's pretty clear that Makima is just stringing Denji along to fulfill some greater plan she has. She told him from the start that he was her pet, and she spends time with him and tells him reassuring things, but only enough to ensure his continued loyalty and good behavior. I can't prove it, but at the same time it seems incredibly obvious.

Let's check in on... ugh... Aki. All the Devil Hunters in Public Safety work in pairs, and Aki's current "Buddy" is the Angel Devil. I thought the Angel Devil was a girl, but turns out I was wrong. Denji thought the same thing too, so I guess I'm not the only one.

Aki loathes Devils on principle, since he considers them the enemy, and he only tolerates them in Public Safety as tools and weapons for hunting down other devils. He doesn't want this assignment, but Makima orders him to do it, because she believes the Angel Devil will prove useful. She told Aki he doesn't have to like the guy, but he does need to at least pretend to get along with him.

But Aki can't even manage that. Angel Devil doesn't really want to do anything. He's considered to be friendly towards humans, at least by devil standards, but he doesn't like being forced to work for Public Safety, and when Aki reminds him that he'll be killed if he doesn't do a good job, Angel Devil concludes that he'd rather die, honestly.

Also, there's a scene where they find a half-digested Devil Hunter inside a devil Aki killed, and Aki asks Angel Devil to use his powers to give the poor guy a painless death, and Angel Devil refuses to do even that, so Aki has to do it himself. So yeah, these two seem to be completely irreconcilable. Aki resented Denji and Power for their unprofessional personalities, but at least they could follow orders.

This is the part of the program where I usually rag on Aki for being a total chump who just lets the plot passively wash over him like a turd in a sewer, but this arc actually goes somewhere with him, so that's a fun thing to look forward to.

Back to Denji, he keeps coming back to the same cafe to see Reze, and when she finds out he never went to school or learned to read, she suggests that they sneak into a school in the middle of the night so she can show him what it's like. Or, I don't know, maybe Japanese schools leave their doors unlocked at night, so this is a popular dating activity.

Reze tries to convince Denji that it's kind of fucked up that he never got to go to school, and that seems to stress him out, so she takes him to the pool and offers to teach him how to swim. She also convinces him to skinny dip, since it's too dark out for them to really see all the nudity.

But then it starts raining, and they go back inside to wait for it to let up. Reze excuses herself to use the restroom, when...

... She runs into this guy, who chases her up to the roof of the school. His exact deal is never made clear, but he's got a contract with the Typhoon Devil, who wants the Chainsaw's heart. He's apparently had experience with these kinds of jobs, and he's had success using targets' loved ones against them. So his plan here is to take Reze captive and use her as bait for Denji.

This doesn't work out the way he expected, as Reze turns out to be more formidable than he expected. She gets behind him and applies a rear naked choke. Then she just starts singing in Russian while he dies. The song is apparently called "Jane Fell Asleep In the Church", and it's also the title of Chapter 43, where this scene takes place. When I google the song, all I find are Chainsaw Man references, including fans asking if this was a real song or something Tatsuki Fujimoto invented for this story.

Once she's finished with that, Reze confronts the Typhoon Devil, accusing him of causing this rain that forced her and Denji back into the school. Typhoon apologizes profusely, as he had no idea she was involved here, but she offers to excuse him if she assists her from here on. Also, she wants him to dispose of the guy she just killed. How do these two even know each other?

Reze says nothing to Denji about the incident on the roof, and invites him to a festival. As they watch fireworks, she asks him to run away with her so he can get out of the Devil Hunter life, but he refuses. His job is going very well lately, and he doesn't want to give that up. This is significant because up until now Denji just appreciated his job for the food and shelter he got out of it, but now he seems to feel a sense of attachment to Public Safety, and not just because he thinks his boss will have sex with him later.

I guess what I'm saying here is that Denji seems to have developed an appreciation for his career in the abstract sense. He's good at the work, and he takes some professional pride out of it, and he feels recognized for his efforts. Reze's whole argument for leaving is that he should be in school and getting more out of life than the bare minimum, but that kind of backfires, because her saying that forces Denji to realize that he already has more than the bare minimum. He just hadn't been thinking of it that way because his ambitions were so low.

Reze concludes that Denji must like someone else, so she goes in for a kiss, maybe to say goodbye, and then...

She... bites off the end of his tongue? I mean, that's creepy as fuck, but wha--? Denji realizes he's under attack, but she he goes to pull his rip cord, Reze pulls a knife and lops off his left hand. What are knives made of in this world?

I guess this is an effective enough way to take down Denji. I mean, he can't transform and he can't call for help, but still, if Reze's trying to kill this guy, you'd think she would have gone for the hands first. I guess I shouldn't tell her how to do her job. Her boss at the cafe keep scolding her, but she got Denji to come back several days in a row for lunch, so she clearly knows how to draw customers. Whom am I to tell her how to kill people.

But she forgot one thing: Denji's assigned buddy, Beam, the Shark Fiend. We met this guy in the last arc, and Makima paired these two off while she was having Power's excess blood drained off. Beam's powers allow him to swim through solid materials, and in fact he was nearby most of the time, trailing Denji discreetly by swimming in the road. When this arc begins, we see the fin on his head following Denji, and he even pops up and Denji chews him out for revealing himself. For whatever reason, Beam seems fanatically devoted to "Lord Chainsaw", and so when Denji ordered him to keep a low profile, he obeyed. And so he kept such a low profile that Reze never noticed he was around until now.

So Reze escalates things by pulling the ring on her choker, which turns out to be a grenade pin? Uh-oh.

So what is this? Bomb Woman? Bomb Devil? Bomb Fiend? What's weird is that a lot of these characters have the same basic concept for their powers, but there's all these unique explanations for how they got this way. Beam and Chainsaw Man look a like, but Beam is a Shark Devil who inhabited a corpse, while Chainsaw Man is the result of Denji merging with Pochita. Angel Devil isn't merged with any humans at all, live or dead, but he just happens to look like a human.

So Reze could be any of these things, or something else entirely, and I think the answer is going to turn out to be "something else entirely". I just noticed her apron thing is covered in sticks of dynamite, so that's pretty badass.

So from here, it's a pretty standard Chainsaw Man battle. Reze quickly catches up with Beam, who tries to defend his "lord", but he's hopelessly outmatched. The only reason he manages to escape with Denji is that some civilian Devil Hunters from the festival notice all the exploisions and come to deal with her. But she's a lot stronger than the devils they're used to fighting, so she makes short work of them. Still, it's enough time for Beam to escape to...

... Well, I don't know where this is, actually. It's some facility used by Public Safety, and Aki happens to be there, so when Beam shows up with Denji and claims to be with the Special Division they get Aki to vouch for them.

Beam can barely speak, but he reports that "Bomb" is an ally of the Gun Devil. Aki wants to know how he could know this, but Beam says Makima made him promise not to answer this.

Reze isn't far behind, and she tries to use her human form to trick Public Safety into siding with her against Beam, but it doesn't work. Two of their guys try to hold her off while Aki and Angel take Beam and Denji away in a car.

So these guys have power to infect a target with mold or something, which seems to stymie Reze for a bit, but then she removes her own head and tosses it into the building like a grenade. That's pretty wild, but we're not done.

I think all of that must have just been a diversion, because the actual Reze is already inside the building, and she attacks the good guys while they're still dealing with the exploding head thing. Also, the body that tossed the head is still active. It runs into the building and also explodes.

There's a fight in the buildng, but I think you already knew how that was gonna go. All the important characters are in the car, and before long Reze intercepts them and shows off the heads of two of the guys she killed, just to make a point. She offers to spare Aki and the others if they surrender Denji, but she's not going to be stopped.

Aki refuses, though, and makes a break for it, and then some other Pubic Safety Special Division guys show up to help. Aki must have called them during his flight from the building. Violence Devil tries to beat her up, but she's too strong, so he runs away.

Next up is Kobeni, who... curls up in a fetal position and begs for mercy. Good hustle, Kobeni.

I'll give them this, they survived the engagement, and they bought time for Aki to put some more distance between Reze and Denji. The whole time, he's got Beam and Angel feeding their blood to Denji, but he's running out of options. She catches up to them pretty quickly, but he can't call for more help, and he refuses to surrender Denji. He talks about ramming her with the car, but seriously, what good would that do?

But then something tears out of the car, and it's...

Chainsaw Man! He's back, and this time, it's personal. Aki warns him that he's still too weak for a fight, but I don't know about that. Denji never had a chance to go one-on-one with Reze before, because he didn't know she was the enemy until it was too late. Also, Denji's pissed because every woman he meets is only interested in him for the "Chainsaw heart", but what about his heart?

Reze tries to feign affection for him as a diversion, but Aki keeps Denji on point. Hey, look at Aki making himself useful for a change.

So then they get ready to fight, and I gotta say, this looks pretty awesome. Reze's got a really cool design, and I like how this grudge between them has been set up. She betrayed him completely, and he's really ticking her off because this was supposed to be a stealth mission, and now she's fighting the entire Public Safety team in the middle of the city.

But we're out of time, so we'll have to pick this up in the next installment. Don'cha dare miss it!

[ask-dancing-fox]

Ruined by Fury

You are angry. You are angry and everyone knows it. The fire within you will not die, cannot die. For if it dies, you won't have a reason to burn. Your rage simmers close to your chest, it boils near something you won't touch. You are angry because it is easier than anything else. You are angry because you chose it over pain. You are ruined because you cannot feel anything but your own ire.

. . .

The truth was inevitable, unavoidable, something that was ever present in one's mind just the same as death. Facts were carved into the unchangeable stone of reality and all were crushed under it.

Everything Dies.

And fury was what kept Sabito alive.

On the outside the fox was unmoved, unafflicted by mere principles. The waves could thrash upon that testament for all eternity but it would never be erased. He was helpless and that only fed the abominable wrath within him.

That face of porcelain over his own was one of mercilessness and brutality, a phantom horror that loved only carnage. It cared for nothing, it felt nothing- nothing but a tearing hunger for revenge where a sense of justice once was. On the outside he was a monster even worse than the demons he slaughtered but under it- ...Under it he was just a man...

A boy trying to be a man...A boy who never lived to become one...

In life he was stern because be cared and under that soulless mask was the softest, most angelic face... His smile was a blessing and something that promised everything would be alright...A perfect lie that died horribly in the hand of unfairness, and that hand had been stained many times before upon a great many hands.

No matter how many Sabito had severed ten more took it's place. Evil would never be fully erradicated from the world...It was an endless, folly battle...Almost pointless.

And yet he fought. Even now he refused death though he was already dead. He wouldn't dissappear, it was impossible with such bitter and grievous resentment storming in his chest and churning his stomach. He could not rest when such a demeaning fate was brought upon him, robbing Sabito of his destiny to eliminate hordes of demons and foul 'humans' from the earth.

Thousands...Thousands would've died by his blade...

It didn't matter anymore. He was dead and that was it. Nothing could be done and there was no point in wallowing the fantasy of a better outcome. The only way to go was forward and he spent his days with only that senseless anger to keep him company and a numb acceptance of what became of him...

He would hope his death hadn't brought too much suffering but hope was just another lie to be smashed in the clutches of a reality that favored misfortune.

But, as useless and foolish as it was Sabito did harbor a single, feeble hope deep within his heart, underneath all that bleak rage.

He hoped he'd be forgotten.

That's the only way he'd ever truly die...And Sabito hoped he would...

He'd bear it all...All the turmoil and raw anguish for the both of them...Regret and unfinished buisness should be left for the dead.

He hoped....for Giyuu to be happy again...

But Giyuu's smile had died with Sabito...

Sadness was weakness and a man should choke it down and push through. There was strength in anger and that's why Sabito chose it. Anger was what kept him tethered to this realm and he wouldn't leave, not while demons crawled the earth and Giyuu was unhappy. He had to find someone to avenge him and rectify what had been ruined. He'd linger in this forest as long as it took to find someone to carry out his will...someone to kill the hand demon and someone who would make Giyuu smile again...

But for now this was all he had...This fire in him...His undying fury.

[sunlessea]

it is probably the kindest that he imagines mr fires has ever been in its long, long life, hardly one itself to bend over backwards for those around it : even in an era which they may have been considered close but hardly lovers, he does not think it would have gone terribly far out of its way to comfort him in any capacity. not that he had ever given it much chance ... the few times it had caught him in the depths of his misery, he'd wiped tear and agony away with a swipe of the sleeve and steeled his pain with poorly feigned hatred. even now, he'd have never let it see him like this. a few thousand years of exhaustion had built up heavy on his shoulders. he is sick of this world, and the people in it, and they wonder why he had sold out every single one of them to walk hand in hand with with something undeniably unholy.

it may be evil to them ... but not to him, bowed over his lap in something just below agony if not exactly that, the remnants of bloodied tears still staining its lashes. he just may be the only man in history that it has wept for. it makes him feel sad for it.

as it shifts to fall over his lap, he squeezes its hand ... then releases it, though only to wrap his arms 'round its shoulders instead. he lays over it, his cheek resting along its back as he wraps his arms 'round it. his fingers press 'gainst its chest in this position, bunching the fabric of its shirt as he does so. it's wallowing in guilt again. he can tell, just by looking at it.

"i think the word you're looking for is depression, or perhaps anxiety. or both. it's often both, at the same time." it can't see it, but he smiles, wryly. he'd never meant for it to come to understand him in this regard. not from experience, anyways : he would not wish the agony of fearful anxiety 'pon anyone, even the worst of his enemies. not to this intensity, at least. what a strangely human thing, for it to feel now. he doesn't tease it, though. he can't, not when he may very well be the source of its trauma. it had watched him die, and he had felt it hold him while he did. "that manner of reminiscing is how i have lived since i was human. the ache lessens ... but it'll never really go away." as evidenced, he supposes, by the scars 'pon his body. he'd like to have given it a more comforting reassurance... but it would know him to be lying.

maybe one day, things would be different.

he rubs his cheek 'gainst its back, eyes falling shut even if only for a moment. the silence of the spire is rather dreary, given the mood of the past several days, today especially. but it's easier to swallow, when it's just the two of them ... even if its confession, sorrowful in its sincerity, makes his eyes well up with tears again. "i know... yo también te amo." sometimes he fears it may love him more than it does this city. he doesn't know what to make of that, no matter vow nor promise. he has never been regarded so highly by anyone, even the gods and angels meant to love him through sin and saintly prayer. what a frightening thing, to be loved by something so much that they would hold a god hostage to prevent the loss of love.

"you're mourning me even while i'm still here. i haven't gone anywhere. you don't need to figure out what you would do if i were gone." he slowly sits back up, reaching to smooth a hand along its drooped ears. "i got blood all over your shirt, neculai ... you should clean up."

this city is a wonder. absolutely marvelous, in how it functions, like a well-oiled machine. it had always been so, even in their most idle observations, though it doubts the others saw within it such shining potential as it had, not cared for it so graciously with parts of its own, with each factory it placed atop its surface. the ever-shifting streets, and the people that walked among them as a collective and continued fuel for something that required such intricate attention and loving care. london is a diamond in the rough, one of it's most precious treasures ... and yet it had failed to notice when a scratch etched its way to surface, the missing piece that had made it start to sputter : an outlier with a quite literal smoking gun.

it is its own fault, and has always been so. not a day has passed it has not reminded itself of where it had fallen short in protecting what it has come to love even more than the finery of the city it'd strengthened, its loving spouse, and not a day where it has not been restless with the memory of watching one their own poke and prod his corpse for the bullet, nor the subsequent revival by another's unwilling hand. it has spent every night sense, to the best of its efforts, in pursuit of forgiveness, and in dedication to never let such a tragedy befall him again. it does not suspect a god of any sort would be so keen to grant miracle twice—or even that it'd work at all.

it can't even fault him, when adrien cracked under the weight. though it did flail quite helplessly—it has never been the delicate sort, not in the way kine need. though it has improved considerably, its shortcomings were many, but it's distress was certainly plentiful, when amid his wailing fits, it'd managed to take hold of wrists��

and noticed something new.

puffy, more than anything else now, though blood still stained his skin, where he'd failed to scrub them proper. and now they are here, in indeterminate time, and it is the one with red, tired eyes and an uncomfortable wetness stuck to its lashes as it bows over him. it'd fallen here, to its knees, at his feet, not too long ago ... it'd held him for longer, but hardly he was the only one haunted by memory.

" i trust you ... " its voice sounds hoarse, though it comes as no surprise to it—it's felt particularly raspy as of late, swallowing down its voice save where it needed, a body wrought in similar, familiar exhaustion. still, it perks up considerably the moment he takes its hand. its clicks are soft, subtle, however brief the slight uptick to its lip. no sooner does it show does it falter once more, brow furrowing as its gaze drifts : from the simple comfort of his own expression, to the wrappings along his arms. it couldn't even help him there, how many bandages were left shredded in its efforts ... " i can't stop thinking about it ... i don't know what it is you would call it, the awful sort of reminiscing. i don't know what i would do without you. " its gaze flicks back to him the second his lips brush its skin, a gentle reminder of warmth that still has its heart swell—it's own expression looks torn, something 'tween tender affection and an indescribable agony. fittingly pitiful, the soft whine it emits as it lets its head droop, face pressing into his lap. and more pitifully, its ears droop with it, though it lets him keep its hand, however much the rest of it falls limp in sorrow. " i love you so much ... "

[tkdrawz]

People, let's not overreact about Knuckles.

Ever since the preview of Sonic Drone Home, I've been seeing a bit of worry in minor parts of the Sonic Community when it comes to Movie Knuckles' portrayal. Well, allow me to put your worries at ease:

Him,

and him

are NOT the same. Let me break it down:

As you know, the common backstory for every version of Knuckles so far is that they all are the last of their kind, originate from Angel Island and, with the exception of Boom, they all are guardians of and/or associated with the Master Emerald.

Movie Knuckles was written to be an angry fish out of water. He appears to be very stoic, driven, and strict in dialect. He was a bonafide WARRIOR. In the same manner in which Sonic lost Longclaw, Knuckles lost his father and tribe on the spot as well, which resulted in both of them spending majority of their lives alone. However, Sonic was able to escape to Earth. While in hiding and fending for himself, Sonic studied the behaviour of human society, found several ways to entertain himself, figured out how to control and use his powers, and eventually became part a new family that loved and accepted him for who he is. Knuckles, on the other hand, was not granted that same fortune.

Knuckles was left at that same spot his father said his farewell to him before the battle. I could only imagine how patient he was, how cold it was that night, how he sat there for probably days hoping that through the tall trees he'd see his father and tribe come back with the Master Emerald in hand, victorious just as his father probably assured him. But no, that did not happen at all. Knuckles could only infer (or go to the battleground and see for himself... HOW SAD! 🥺😭🤧) that Longclaw took out the entire tribe and Sonic got away. Thus beginning his "hour of sorrow". I'd think he was taught the one thing to do in the rare case that the entire tribe would be wiped out and he'd be the only one left: FINISH THE MISSION. TRAIN NOW, CRY LATER. What he knew was that Sonic is the enemy and the bane of his existence. Hate, confusion, and anger festered inside him for years, basically his motivation for living was avenging his family and fufilling the mission that they couldn't do: Kill Sonic and find the Master Emerald. In his words, he was trained since birth in all sorts of combat for his "destiny". And it was ON SIGHT the moment he was on Sonic's doorstep!

I would like to point out that it seems that he spotted the red flags throughout their journey together. And I'm sure Knuckles wanted to call him out, but he was convinced that Robotnik wouldn't betray him because he was his friend. After all, Eggman did call him his BFFFAE (Bestest Friend For Ever And Ever). Knuckles' tribe has instilled in him the values of loyalty and being a man of his word. And to do to Robotnik what he did to him would be wrong because they made an alliance.

And it's not like Knuckles was COMPLETELY unaware. First, the way he left Stone at the Mean Bean coffee shop to which Knuckles reacted by saying "Dishonor!" only for Robotnik to repsond by simpling saying "Dis is how I roll." Then there was his reaction on the mountain when Sonic helped an unconsious Tails instead of getting the compass. When Knuckles sees this, Robotnik replies "New friend, same pathetic weakness." And of course Robotnik eventually betray him. We, the audience knew that. Agent Stone knew that. And Sonic knew too, he was just shocked at the way he did it. Heck, I was too! The brutal insult that he gave to Knuckles (I mean, he practically SPIT on Knuckles with those words), only to steal the one object he quested his entire life for, and leave him to die in a crumbling underwater temple. And as he was drowning underneath giant debris, he knew he messed up. He was ashamed and embarassed. He failed his father, his tribe, and, more importantly, himself. And he couldn't blame anyone else, not even Robotnik.

But, thankfully, Sonic saved him. And as some sort of retaliation, Knuckles saved him. During the hilarious impromptu sandball fight, when Sonic revealed that he couldn't let him die, Knuckles was surprised and curious as to why Sonic saved him in first place even though Knuckles gave him the 🍑 whooping of a lifetime. (That is, until Shadow shows up. 😏) And he was even more curious that despite the fact they both suffered traumatic loses of their rival families and failing multiple times, Sonic chose to be free-spirited, noble, and optimistic rather than revengeful and tied to his past. Sonic then extends his hand (and his heart) to Knuckles, saying that he found a new destiny, a new family and he could do the same as well.

I said all that to say this, Movie Knuckles is not dense. Not in the slightest. He was simply misled and out of touch. He's just complex, and that's a lot for some people. (His words, not mine.) We can see in the movie that Knuckles is not entirely familiar with technology (especially Robotnik's), handshakes, sports, ice cream, or flossing (I repeat, especially Robotnik's). But he's not alone anymore, he has a new tribe of lifelong friends, who he now knows won't betray him. With the help of his friends and enough time, he will eventually adjust to the way things work on this pale blue dot, just like Sonic did. And that will probably be shown in Sonic Drone Home. (I'd LOVE to make an appreciation post and disect his character even further, but this ain't the post to do it!😅 Maybe later!✌🏾)

Now Boom Knuckles on the other hand, is a different breed. As far as his backstory goes, it was mentioned that he came from Angel Island and he's the last of his kind. However, he doesn't guard the Master Emerald (which doesn't exist in the Boom universe nor do the Chaos Emeralds).

He is one of the five protectors of the village he resides in. The rest being Sonic, Tails, Amy Rose, and Sticks. It seems that the gang get along pretty well. They're already a "found family" of their own.

Now personality wise.... *BIG F-ING SIGH* He was written to be the typical naive, comedic-relief token meathead of the friend group with the strength and body composition of a god (Or a steroid induced gym coach, take your pick.🤷🏾‍♀️) and a heart of gold. While he is headstrong, determined, and ready to fight (just like all the other Knuckles) Boom Knuckles is extremely sensitive and fails to understand the concept or overall message of simple everyday scenarios, except of course the breaking of gender roles. (Go to YouTube, type "Sonic Boom: Knuckles is a Feminist." Yeah. That really happened.)

Now to be clear: Boom Knuckles VERY RARELY has his moments, but he is not smart. Not even average intelligence. He is NOT smart. Thus, claiming his role as the least preferred version of Knuckles in Sonic history. How unfortunate...

Don't get me wrong, I do love Boom Knuckles and accept his flaws and all. However I understand the reasons why he gets so much hate to a degree. Looking past the design choice and sports tape, the fans were not feeling the way he was portrayed on Sonic Boom. Of course we love to see comedy when it comes to Sonic media, but not at the expense of deminishing the qualities that made Knuckles a fan favorite in the first place. People want Knuckles to be taken seriously. And that's completely valid. Boom Knuckles can still beat the crap out of you. He just can't tell his left from his right or doesn't know how to count or would knowingly eat a napkin rather than burnt food or get blown up in the face 87 times by a bunch of exploding baby ducks before he realizes they're not real...🤦🏾‍♀️

Anyways, Sonic Boom is now cancelled. Buried. Sega won't even acknowledge them. It was cancelled not only because of the horrible reputation the infamous Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric game recieved, but the fact that Cartoon Network sabatoged the show from the start. First, they make the debut episode in Season 1 and every episode afterwards air at 7:00 in the mother loving morning! With only one commercial made to promote the show. ONLY ONE. Then, they shove literally ALL of Season 2 straight to Boomerang, the sister network that doesn't come with the main network in standard cable packages, resulting in lower ratings and viewership. Boom Knuckles is meant only for his respective cancelled universe and it's going to stay that way.

Where Boom Knuckles lacked is what Movie Knuckles had and more: charm, potential, character development, and uniqueness. Movie Knuckles comedy stems on his raw reaction and understanding of Earth stuff. Not stupidity. (Grab a knight from mideval times and bring them here to present. See how they react.) While Boom Knuckles' comedy relies on him not knowing literally basic fundamentals and saying or doing something stupid out of nowhere for the sake of being "the dumb one". Too many shows rely on that formula which is why great characters fail and shows eventually get cancelled or seen as mediocre. (Cosmo from the Fairly Odd Parents, B.O.B from Monsters vs Aliens, and Patrick Star at one point.)

Jeff Fowler, Pat Casey, and everyone else involved in the writing of the movie understood the fact that Knuckles was genuine and serious, yet a little gullible. And we, the fans, appreciated and deserved that! It's been a long time since we've seen such a more serious approach being taken on Knuckles that even lacked in the main series. It was so refreshing to see him in all his glory on the big screen that not only showed us the Knuckles we knew and love, but introduced his backstory in such a new light that helped us understand and empathize with him throughout the movie.

I promise you, I PROMISE YOU, that the SCU will in no way use Boom Knuckles as a refrence or stepping stone for Movie Knuckles. They have a good formula working for them and are super receptive to feedback. Ever since the Gangster's Paradise Gremlin in 2019, they learned REAL QUICK to humble themselves and listen to what we, the fans, want. They have absolutely no intention of jeopardizing the success they have now. We are the consumers after all and if we collectively don't like something, we'll let them know.

Movie Knuckles is Movie Knuckles and Boom Knuckles is Boom Knuckles. PERIOD. The only similarities they have between each other are their species, their red fur, and their names. That's it.

[arcadejohn127-9]

Just

Just think about Luke seeing Mc as an older sibling figure, and then think about how he'd have to see em die from old age or an illness

H u r t

You know what? I'm going to hurt your feelings right back

You did this, this is your fault. I'm crying so now you gotta cry with me!

I'm making it hurt EXTRA

I'm not done with this angst wagon! I have so much angst stored up in me rn and you're all going to have to deal with it 😂 let us cry together

Warning: death, angst, sad Luke

"(Y/N)! Im back! Your guardian angel has arrived!"

You smiled, turning from the window as you heard the gentle footsteps come further into your little home.

"oh..? I thought the celestial realm called you back."

"I was able to get time off my duties to come see you, I do have a duty to protect you after all."

Luke smiled brightly at you, a bag in hand as he walked into your room. His face faltered for a moment seeing you were out of bed but kept his smile, placing the bag down on the table.

"awww, you're still such a sweet young boy."

You reached out to him, your wrinkled hands shaking slightly. He huffed at your cooing but none the less, bowed down so you could pinch his cheeks. You smiled wider; happy there was still some baby fat on him.

"I'm not a boy! I'm a grown man."

He was pouting childishly; some habits never dying. But sadly, he was right. By now he has finally grown up. He wasn't exactly an adult but he was close. He was no longer the small boy you use to know in the Devildom, he was now a tall gentle man. He reminded you alot of Simeon but definitely didn't go after his sense of fashion.

He was grown. And you've grown....grown to become old and Sickly. He still had such a youthful face despite being thousands years older. It was truly unfair but you would rather he looked as young as he did than look like you. Saggy and wrinkled. Death on your lips, it made them dry. It tasted bland and sour.

"what did you bring me this time? I hope it's a new recipe."

"I actually visited the Devildom before coming here, I made your favourite with Barbatos."

He unpacked the bag, revealing the sweet treat. It was going to be far too sweet for your taste buds now but you couldn't refuse. He frowned slightly, placing his hands on your shoulders.

"you should be in bed, the doctors said you need to rest."

"I'm not doing anything, those doctors shouldn't think of me to be so fragile! I spent years in hell." You grumbled, grinding your drenchers.

You missed the demons; it's been awhile since they've visited. It was unusual....for years outside or in hell you were surrounded by them. Always pestering you and wanting your attention. Endless plans that always ended with Lucifer fixing it. You missed them.....so so much..... you just wished your magic didn't grow so weak.

"yeah.... you're unbeatable so being in bed won't be anything."

He had you there. But it was growing tiresome of just sitting in bed. You were wasting away in it; the doctors weren't sure what was going to take you out first. Old age or illness. All Anyone could hope for that it's peaceful and in your sleep.

Luke helped you back in bed, smiling as he tucked you in. He placed the desserts holder on your lap before whisking himself away to the kitchen. He made you both some tea and picked up cutlery on the way back. You thanked him when he handed you the cup, humming happily at the warmth. The world felt so cold now.

"Have the brothers visited lately? Barbatos seemed.... solemn - did something happen?"

"No, it's been mostly you or Simeon seeing me but I don't blame them, it must be hard to see me - I know Simeon tried to stop you aswell, Saying it'll be too hard on your heart."

"nothing is going to stop me not even Simeon! you're family, and those demons-! They should be seeing you!"

He didn't even realize he stomped his foot, pouting and puffing out his cheeks. No matter how much he wanted to be called a man, he was still young. You hoped you'll get to see him fully mature into a powerful angel he was destined to be. You knew he'd be a great help to the celestial realm and make people just as happy as he's made you.

You always saw yourself as just an older sibling and he seemed to feel the same but now you felt more like a parent. Watching your child grow up and be better than you ever were. He made you so proud.

"ah~ theres the young boy I know, always pouting and complaining about demons, it was so nice to see you freely enjoy yourself the third term, you looked so much happier."

"he can see all sorts, perhaps something bad is going to happen soon but it could always be, he saw a rat in the castle - oh the way he could loose all composure-!"

"if it wasn't due to a recent visit then- why was barbatos so glum? Do you think he's okay?"

You both bursted out laughing, imagining the usually stoic butler frantically smacking the floor with a broom whilst ontop of a counter. Your laughed grew louder and louder until you choked on it; coughing harshly into your shaky palm as your chest tightened.

Luke quickly helped you sit up properly, rubbing your back as your coughing slowly died out. He told you to keep it easy but noticed how quickly your mood soured. He patted your lap and held up the forks; forcing a small smile on his face.

"let's eat, shall we?"

you both dug in, he kept his bites small as it was for you after all. You didn't even realize you teared up; the flavour was the exact same if not better than you remember. Barbatos always knew how to make it perfect for you; even now as your sugar fondness has simmered it still tasted just as good.

He really was amazing....

Luke wiped your stray tears as you stared at the treat, a distant look in your eyes. The angel was starting to panic; no matter his efforts you were becoming unhappy. Was it him? Was it talking about the Devildom? But he knew if he tried to never talk about it you'd just insist on knowing. He didn't want to keep making you upset.

"I'm sorry, just - I've been so nostalgic lately, I really appreciate what you've done, don't be upset with yourself, Luke, just ignore this old human."

"I can talk about the celestial realm, would that make you feel better? Or-or- new Cake ideas-!"

"I'd like that very much, has the celestial realm change much?"

"it's been really busy, I'm actually getting my own apprentice soon! She's been a late bloomer with her wings but she's been amazing with prophecies - I've ranked up actually! I'm almost to my goal....soon- I'm going to be just like Michael and I can help humans across the globe!"

He was beaming, his hands becoming more animated as he talked. You hummed softly to yourself, nodding as your eyes drifted to the wall. His voice soothing you.

"And- and the demon angel partnership has been a huge success! Theres been more pairs ups this year than any other! Things are really improving in the other realms- you know it's all thanks to you, right? You did this."

He waited for your response, but you didn't say anything. You just stared at the wall behind him. Luke's head tilted to the side, dread creeping up his spine.

"(Y/N)-?" He gently shook your hand, trying not to startle you incase you were just zoning out again.

But that's when it hit him. His fingers wrapped around your wrist, there was nothing. No pulse.

"(Y/N)?!"

The young angel screamed as tears flooded down his cheeks, shaking your body. He kept calling out your name but you never responded. He tried everything he could; giving CPR, using his magic - he even consider using the life trees leaves from the celestial realm.

He just - you couldn't be- he wouldn't let you! He's your guardian angel! Yours not supposed to be -! Not yet!!!

NOT YET!!

Your soul spilled out of your chest, he sobbed as it formed into an orb. He hugged it close to his chest as he cried, Begging it to return to your body.

"please.... please-! I'm asking nicely- why won't you go back?! It isn't time! Please!"

No matter how hard he pressed your soul back to your chest it refused to enter your body.

You were gone.

[solomonish]

breathe deep, breathe clear, and know that i'm here (solomon x reader)

When the tendrils of doubt start to wrap around you, how do you battle them when your new state of existence is entirely unknown?

ao3 link here!

CW: F!MC

When Solomon finally found her stumbling through the enchanted woods in a daze, he considered scooping her up in his arms and carrying her out of the forest, never to return. Every second spent away from her sent a sharp fear through his chest. Immortal as she was, she was not indestructible, and the creatures inhabiting the woods could be unexpectedly dangerous. Even with the experiences she's had with magic, there was so much she didn't know - there was so much ignorance that could still kill her.

Instead, he settled for running to her and holding her close, tucking her into himself tightly as if trying to force their bodies to meld. He could feel her tense, then relax, tremors taking over that he knew better than to comment on. As her shoulders heaved, Solomon couldn't tell if they were sobs or gasps for breath, but he rubbed her back soothingly anyway. Eventually, her hands weakly found purchase in the back of his shirt, and he placed a gentle kiss to the crown of her head.

Solomon didn't pull back until he was absolutely sure she had calmed down, and even then he took her hands in his and rubbed his thumb over Lucifer's ring. She was here, and as long as it was still on, everything was fine. Everything was fine.

Except everything was not fine. She insisted on staying in the woods until Solomon found the roots he was looking for, even after his protests and offers to leave. They walked hand-in-hand until nightfall, slowly traversing the uneven ground and looking for the small, purple flowers that marked their targets. They prepared to leave the forest with a sizable bundle of the plants, and as they crossed the final bridge, Solomon noticed MC stop and stare out over the ravine. The long shadows cast seemed to swirl with the unnatural fog settled within the cliffsides, so dark even the full moon couldn't permeate it. As silent tears streamed down her cheeks, he noticed those that fell, could.

"When will you get tired of me?" She asked, her voice small and shaking. The way she watched the fig beneath her, Solomon wondered if she thought it would swallow her whole, or maybe even hoped it would.

"What do you mean?" Tentatively, he inched closer to her. The simple suspension bridge swayed with his movement, but she didn't seem to mind.

"How many things have you gotten bored of before? How many pacts do you no longer call upon? Even some magic can't capture your attention sometimes." The sadness in her tone was palpable the more she spoke, eventually straining her voice so she could hardly push the words out. Solomon had heard pain in the voices of many, but it never hurt as much as it did to hear from her. 

Telling her how many of his pacts were one-time necessities or formed more as an impulse for more power seemed in poor taste. How many of his pacts did he make, knowing he wouldn't need them? How many demons were tethered to him, knowing they would never be called on by him again yet having to be ready just in case? Swallowing past the lump growing in his throat, he kept the questions to himself lest she think he'd ever string her along in the same way.

Of course she'd imagine magic to be boring for him when he's spent so long studying it. Even the more complicated, dazzling spells were familiar to him. But magic was ever-changing, and he was always finding something new about it to explore. Besides, he could never grow bored of magic when she was around to excite him.

Solomon didn't know how to articulate his thoughts. He just knew that he loved her, and he loved her so deeply it hurt. With still nothing coming to mind, he stayed silent. Oh, how he wished he had said something, anything to get her mind off of her own thoughts, just to share himself the heartache of hearing what she had to say. When she opened her mouth, she spoke with more conviction, looking up at him with wide, wet eyes and yet not a quiver in her voice.

"I can't think of anything I have that'll get you to want to stay."

The breath in Solomon's throat hitched for a moment. With her eyes searching his, he felt something like a criminal, knowing he had done something wrong and forced to wait for a punishment he knew would be inevitable. His silence seemed the trial, and after a moment, her face fell and she looked away. Caught between wanting to bring her gaze back to him so he could repent and not wanting to see her desolate face, Solomon only stood in place dumbly.

Giving a bitter laugh, she shrugged as if she could shake off her burdens. "I mean, you shouldn't have to pick up everyone else's discarded pieces. And against angels and demons, and even other sorcerers, I really don't compare."

Hadn't he thought something similar? During the exchange program, when he realized he was one of what seemed like a thousand people competing for her affections, he thought he knew how it would play out. He wasn't a demon, who's hulking form, unnatural charm and eerie good looks could haunt her for her entire life. He wasn't an angel that could offer her paradise and unquestionable love. All he was was barely human, the only pieces of himself she could ever like hidden behind centuries of masks and non-answers. 

When she chose him, took his hand proudly in front of all the brothers and defended her choice, he thought for sure his starstruck face and the brothers' envious stares were enough to drive home how intensely her attention was sought after. But to hear her worry over the same things - to wonder if she was replaceable when he was the one with ten people lining up behind him, ten people he knew would never let her go - was enough to force his heart to crack right down the middle.

"I'm not built for immortality, Solomon." Looking down, she fiddled with the ring on her finger as two teardrops fell on the back of her hand. He could hear despair gripping her, and he felt powerless to battle it away. "I don't want to do this alone."

Finally, he felt he could move and he took her in his arms again, holding her close to him protectively. Though he knew it to be impossible, he hoped he could block any more doubts from finding their way to her, as if his arms alone could be a shield. As he looked over her shoulder, he saw the many spirits weaving between the trees, curiously watching the intruders on their home from behind the branches. He swore he saw something else behind a trunk, watching with satisfaction as MC shook in his arms - though he had half a mind to charge forward and destroy it for daring to take pleasure in her pain, not a fiber in his being wanted to separate himself from her. Instead, he shut his eyes and buried his face in her hair, rubbing her back in an attempt at soothing her. 

"You won't be alone," he promised as the more important words got caught in his throat. 

Solomon understood her fear and the creeping feeling of being replaceable. It was only natural when you thought you had to live on such a short time limit. Time felt limited, like there was none to spare for falling in love or mourning the loss of anyone. He understood feeling as if he had to scramble from person to person in fear the time may slip away, and he knew how it felt to worry others may do that to you. He had 72 pacts and a collection of scorned lovers to prove it.

People were not replaceable, and they were never boring. Each person Solomon has ever loved has remained trapped in his heart, and humans had a desire to remember every person they've ever loved even beyond their years on earth. He wasn't sure how to tell her that she would never grow boring to him - that she would continue to evolve, because the very nature of her human being didn't change with her immortality. It was a fact he found difficult to accept himself, but people evolved continuously, even after a thousand years. Those who only live out their typical lifespan just don't have enough time to see it.

But his own stagnation compared to the world made him yearn for something, anything that might stay. MC wasn't entirely unfounded in her fears; the world would leave her behind, family and friends would be ripped from her and she'd have eternity to grapple with the pain. But Solomon knew he could never leave her - that even if she did die, he would carry her with him for eternity 

MC was everything he could ever think to hope for. It would just take time for her to figure it out, and they both had all the time in the world. He would stick by her side while she sorted things out, and he would stay there for the rest of time after. But for now, he held her tightly, hoping it was enough of a signal that he was here to stay.

[danieyells]

Messy mutterings about Chapter 55 spoilers with a small angst warning, copypasted from discord with little cleaning and edits lol

I'm imagining Raphael sent Luke away so he wouldn't interfere with him killing/fighting Michael and Simeon went along with the idea and is in the human world too so Luke's not, y'know, on his own in a strange new world and to reduce Luke's suspicion and all. But as Michael and Raphael are fighting or whatever Luke somehow learns what's going on/realizes why things are off and rushes home to try and stop it.

He tries to get between Raphael and Michael(perhaps his back, Raph perhaps striking while Michael is lost in thought missing the brothers, spaced out, staring at the wall where their portraits were) and is struck violently by Raphael's spear instead. Simeon, ofc, followed him home to try and protect him but is too late because of Luke's own determination to protect Michael bonus if he grows a little in this scene--just magically, because his current smol form is too weak to help surely but if he were a little bigger, a little stronger, maybe he could make it in time--!! and Luke is impaled.

He doesn't die but none of the three wanted Luke hurt in this confrontation--Michael is angry at Raph for attacking/being violent in the first place, Raph is mad at Simeon for failing to restrain Luke, and Simeon is like is now really the time for this because hello Luke is hurt.

Angels are made of strong stuff, he's not gonna die but he'll be in a bad spot if they don't get him to an angel who specializes in healing. I've elected this to be Uriel for now although I've been told that Raphael is generally percieved as the angel of healing--but with OM canon his reputation sonfar is so hostile I'm gonna say that may not be the case. Michael (or Raph) can stave things off for a bit but he's not healing specialized either--they're all Archangels and Seraphs but their fields are elsewhere, mostly combat.

(Luke tries to assure that he's fine and attempts to remove the spear. They don't allow this because the spear is, of course, keeping most of his blood in at the moment.)

They can't fly him to someone because it'd be bumpier so they have to carry him or call/run/send for help--so other angels do learn what's going on and speculation begins. Luke is hospitalized and Raph and Michael and Simeon stay with him while he sleeps, kinda tensely, not really ready to talk out whatever happened. But before he passed out Luke tried to tell Raphael not to fight/kill Michael, to talk to him instead. He wanted to tell him to talk to the demons/humans too, they're not as bad as they think(he and Raph are very likeminded so he thinks 'maybe Raphael will listen to me since I'm starting to see that I was a little wrong maybe') but he couldn't get it out.

Simeon messages the demons, Solomon, and MC and says he won't be returning to the human world/devildom for a bit because Luke was hurt in the CR. Mammon, having had recently gotten attached to Luke, is stunned and angry and anxious and wants to know what happened. Simeon isn't ready to tell them yet, and Mammon demands Barb make a portal to the CR for him to check on Luke--surely Barb is also worried because he cares for Luke too!

Diavolo says they're not allowed to go and Barb agrees(he felt as much before Diavolo said anything too.) Simeon agrees because there's some unrest now and speculation and with an exchange student angel having had been injured by a notoriously demon-skeptical Archangel some angels are worried the demons may be involved in this somehow and if demons suddenly showed up it'd make things worse. Mammon curses his helplessness because his new little brother minion is hurt and he can't even check on him. Simeon feels helpless too--he's an archangel, a Seraph, but he can't help Luke either.

I imagine MC then offers to visit instead--they may be a powerful sorcerer now but they're still just a sheep human with an inhuman aura right? They wouldn't be as concerning for the general populace. After some consideration the demons and Solomon agree this would be okay, as does Michael and Simeon [and Raph maybe] but they say to wait a few hours/a day or two before doing so, just to allow some cooldown/recovery in the CR.

(In the meantime Mammon reviews one of Luke's recent text chains to him where he's baking something. He tries to copy all the steps and instructions and clumsily makes some cupcakes. They're ugly and Mammon isn't known for his stellar cooking, but they kinda relieve him a bit and Beel says they taste alright, so Mammon asks MC to bring them to the CR for Luke for him--there's enough for Michael too since he's probably going through a hard time. It's not like he cares or anything!! He's just building up credit! They'll owe him with interest when this is all said and done!!!)

Idk what'd happen afterwards--it's probably the first time MC meets Raph so it's not under the best circumstances and he definitely wouldn't trust sweets from a demon. And even if he was gonna fight/kill Michael he doesn't trust that Mammon would give him anything safe and instinctively would tell Michael not to touch them, let alone Luke if he's awake to do so. So it's not like he hates Michael, he just. Things need to change and he tried to incite it the only way he knows how--or, rather, the most effective way, given how quickly things changed after the Rebellion. A spear to the throat makes anyone listen. A rebellion is what made Michael change, so maybe it will help him go back to normal too.

(Maybe Luke is awake enough to hear them talking about these things and weakly asks if Raph is going to be exciled over this--the first thing he says since passing out. They're surprised because. He got injured trying to protect Michael but he's still trying to protect Raphael, Michael's assailant? But Luke understands how Raphael feels because he feels the exact same way--or he used to. He didn't trust demons or humans or sorcerers or the exchange program, he didn't think they should get along at all. And he saw how sad Michael was without the brothers and hated them for that too--and Raph feels the same way, right?

Angels are all family. Raphael, Michael, Luke, Simeon, even when they disagree, when their views don't align due to time and perspectives and experiences and ages and positions, they're all brothers. And Lucifer and them were their family too. Even if they disliked them or how they behaved, even if they resent their rebellion and its effects they were still family and they loved and cared about them.

And Raphael doesn't want to see Michael hurting anymore either--certainly not over people who don't care anymore, certainly not over people who turned on them and Father, who must hate them as well. . .but he's been with the brothers for over a year now. Maybe two or three at this point. And he may have only learned it recently but. . .they haven't forgotten. They probably don't hate them. And the demons, the humans, even those unfaithful and the practitioners of dark magic, the fallen, they're not as bad as they thought. They're not necessarily their enemies. Raphael doesn't know it like Luke does because he's never left the CR aside for war and maybe visiting the human world briefly too, right? But if he'd consider things differently, if he's allowed a chance to learn, Luke himself promises Michael, promises Father who's surely watching as he always is, that he'll understand. Raph made a rash decision albeit after many many years of consideration-- but it was out of ignorance, so please forgive him and give him another chance and don't excile him? On top of that he needs a chance to learn and do better--imagine how he'd feel, being turned into something he hates or fears? It will help him learn, sure, but it also may only make him feel worse or make him do something more rash or result in another Fall if he has supporters.

Raphael doesn't hate Michael--he just wants things to be different. Perhaps to go back to normal. And he doesn't want Michael to mope over the loss of the seven brothers and Lilith anymore either.

And maybe in this time, since they'd have to decide what to do about Raph, Michael requested Diavolo come over too--y'know, in case Raph is exciled, they'd want Diavolo's approval and reassurance to keep an eye on him too. So maybe he or Barb, as they arrive in the room, would approve of Luke's appeal--ask what Michael and Simeon And Raph and MC think. They could always bring him in as an exchange student too! 😘 That worked for Luke!

Ultimately Raph probably wouldn't be exciled/become a Fallen but be given another chance. Maybe he's stripped of his title temporarily, until he's sufficiently deemed to learn about demons, angels, their history together, culture, whether or not they can get along, etc--so he's bitter, but thankful. And Michael understands that perhaps he's been allowing how much he misses the brothers and Lilith to cloud him and maybe it's time to move on and make changes to the Celestial Realm again after all this time. Bonus points if the bros came along and he was too distracted to sense them--someone's like "oh you're moving on? So we came here for no reason after all?" and ofc he's happy to see them again and gets to hang out with them again for a while before getting to say a goodbye with more closure. And he hangs off of Lucifer's neck the whole time they're there lol he and Dia bond over being Lucifer fanboys too.

Luke's okay in the end--a little worse for wear because being stabbed by Raphael is Not A Small Ordeal but he's okay and he shows a little more maturity. But he's also still same old Luke who will happily point out how awful demons are and use it as an excuse for distrust/fear--but he's more mindful of it now because he feels like he needs to set a good example for Raph lmao.)

[firstumcschenectady]

"God, Stress, and Abundant Lives” based on 1 Kings 19:4-8

I'm mad. Mad that we ��� the big collective we – might have beaten this virus if we trusted our experts and prioritized collective well-being. Mad that we “can't have nice things” still, EVEN THOUGH science provided amazing vaccines in an unbelievably short time. Mad that I have to make decisions no one– including me – likes because the first rule of John Wesley is “first do no harm” and I really believe we have to do that.

But, a friend sent an article this week that pointed out that I'm not mad. I just think I'm mad. Or, more so, that anger is a secondary emotion that works well to mask primary emotions. The article said the emotion that I'm actually feeling is fear. (Note: do not try this at home. Do not tell someone what they're “really feeling” when they tell you what they ARE feeling. Really, truly. DO NOT DO THIS. The article got away with it by taking about generic people and I personalized.) The article speaks about people choosing not to be vaccinated and vaccinated people's anger responses:

Though this new flavor of outrage might look and sound like righteous indignation, mental health professionals say that what’s behind it is fear.

“It’s scary to admit that somebody else has power over you and you’re at their mercy and you’re afraid of them, but showing that is not a very American ideal,” said David Rosmarin, an associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and a clinician at McLean Hospital. “Instead of expressing that fear, it’s a lot more comfortable to blame somebody else.”

Anger is what people in his profession refer to as a “secondary emotion.” It’s a feeling that arises in response to a more primal emotion, like fear and anxiety over having some aspect of your life threatened. “The reality is that there are millions of people who are miseducated about something, they’re making a big mistake that will have massive consequences that might affect you and your family and that makes you scared,” Rosmarin said. “But nobody is saying that.”1

That article also says that part of what people are struggling with is that this was always going to be a “long war” but we didn't get that message from the outset. That fits for me too, I deal better when I have my expectations set correctly.

Two years ago I preached on this passage from 1 Kings 19, and afterwards several of you mentioned that you could hear in it my yearning for a break. (It was fairly soon before my renewal leave.) I hadn't meant to be that transparent then, and it makes me want to be a little bit cautious now, but....the story hasn't changed.

This remains a story of Elijah, prophet of God who has worked diligently for what he believed God wanted him to do. The response to his faithfulness has been a threat of murder that came directly from the palace.

Elijah is too tired to fight anymore. He fled for his life, but in the midst of the flight he lost even the will to live.

He prays, asking God to let him die, which would at least be less violent than the death otherwise planned for him. He'd walked into the desert for a day, and when he prayed he sat under a single broom tree, the only bit of respite he could find. The Bible seems to suggest this is a particularly sad story, it is the same one told of Hagar, having walked into the desert, exhausted her provisions, sat under a broom, and prepared to die. Just like with Hagar though, God meets Elijah there.

You may already know how much I love this story. He falls asleep, and wakes up when provisions have arrived. He eats, he drinks, he falls back asleep. When he awakes, provisions have arrived. He eats, he drinks, AND THEN he was able to go on.

I really love that he needs to sleep, eat, drink, sleep, eat, and drink before he can rouse himself. He has gone far beyond the “have a cup of coffee and keep going” point. He is exhausted. He is out of will power. He is out of a will to LIVE. If I were writing this story though, I'd add in some breathing. “He took intentional deep breathes until he was able to slow his body enough to sleep...” and then the rest of the story. It would make it just a smidge better.

Probably because of the book I just read, I'm noticing that the story as written (and more so as adapted), Elijah is given the chance to “complete the stress cycle” in this story. The book is “Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle” written by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. In their opening chapter, they distinguish between stressors and stress. They point out that we need to complete the stress cycle, no matter what is happening with the stressors. And they name, concretely, how to do that. The first and best option is to “do literally anything to move your body enough to get you breathing deeply” for 20-60 minutes a day.2 Elijah walking into the desert for an entire day seems to qualify.

The Nagoski sisters offer 6 other ways to complete the cycle though: 1. “deep, slow breaths down regulate the stress response”3, 2. positive social encounters (even causal ones), 3. laughter – but the real deep belly laughter kind, 4. physical affection from someone you trust (they suggest a 6 second kiss between partners or a 20 second hug with someone you like, snuggling a pet), 5. crying, and 6. creative expression. In other chapters they also talk about meditation and spiritual connection, so I'm going to add a #7 – whatever prayer practices work for you. They're suggesting that we do at least one of these, and better many of these, every day. Because the stressors keep coming at us. And their book was written in 2019, so it is WAY MORE TRUE today.

So Elijah. He took a long walk (check), I'm all for pretending he took some slow breaths, he maybe had a positive encounter with the angel? (does that count??), and I'm quite sure he cried a lot, the Bible just forgot to mention it. He also took care of his bodily needs for rest, nourishment, and hydration. (Chapter 7 of their book is all about rest.) He also named his despair to God, and naming emotions has a lot of power too.

This little story has a lot of good responses to despair and burnout. Which is good, because many of us are in despair and/or burnout in at least some aspects of our lives.

The pandemic has challenged all of us. The challenges have differed, because we're different, but we've all been challenged. Having another wave is definitely not helping anybody. We're mad, whether or not that's a primary emotion, sad, fearful, and maybe even detached. We're exhausted.

And most of us are comfort seeking. We want things to be easier. We NEED things to be easier. We're looking for things that sooth, ease, comfort, and console. Often, we're looking for things to be “back to normal,” familiar, and make sense like we're used to. We're human. That's how we work.

Another facet of how we work is that when we're in high stress, we revert to earlier and lower levels of emotional functioning. We blame. We over react. We fight. We flee. We gossip. We triangulate. We take all our anxiety and we try to get rid of it by sharing it with others or throwing it at them. This too is human. It is how we work.

No one I know is operating at their best right now. We can't.

What we can do is seek to complete the stress cycles – we can't change most of the stressors, but we can give ourselves the best possible chance to change the stress. Our bodies, minds, and spirits are all connected, they're all “us.” When we care for each of them, we give all of them a chance to do better.

I believe that God calls us all to life abundant. To full, meaningful, connected lives. To spiritual depth and work that matters and relationships that give life. Elijah went from that broom tree to the Mount of Horeb where he deepened his relationship with God, and then on to meet his protege Elisha and started to pass on his labor to the next generation. It wasn't God's intention that Elijah struggle alone, or burn himself out. It isn't God's will that we struggle alone nor burn ourselves out either. God wishes for full, abundant lives for us all. That's part of why we take care of each other, and share love in the world. So, dear ones, I encourage you to complete your stress cycles, name your emotions, connect with your dear ones, engage in prayer, and live life as abundantly as you can. God wants it for us, we want it for each other, and the world needs us as healthy as we can be! May God help us. Amen

1 https://www.statnews.com/2021/08/02/belated-realization-that-covid-will-be-a-long-war-sparks-anger-denial/

2 Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski Burnout: The Secret to Unlokcing the Stress Cycle (New York: Ballantine Books, 2019) p. 14.

3 Nagoski, 15.

[song-of-kalinaw]

BASIC INFORMATION

Human Host

Name: Lilith Selene Lair

DOB: October 16, 1996

Ethnicity: Korean-American

Eye color: Dark Brown

Hair: Black, waist length

Occupation: Socialite, Empire Heiress

Current Location: Seoul, South Korea

Demoness

Name: Lilith

DOB: [information redacted]

Origin: Garden of Eden

Entity type: Original Succubus

Eye Color: Black Onyx

Hair: Black, waist length; morphs to preference

Current Location: Seoul, South Korea; Interuniverse travel

PERSONALITY

Human Host

Lilith Selene Lair, the mute heiress to the Lair Group of Companies, has her life planned out for her even before she was conceived. But after being born with a heart problem and spending most of her childhood in the hospital with only her brother as company-- she was known in their circle as the quiet princess, not just because of her mysterious mutism but because of the timid personality she adapted after her stay in the hospital.

She can be seen mostly keeping to herself but come forums or parties organized by her family or their friends, Lilith can play quite the host with her handy tablet always ready with a funny retort or an interesting inquiry. The heiress is also fond of kids and pets, which is why on warm afternoons or in the early mornings, she'll visit the park in their gated community to watch the toddlers play or pet a dog or two.

In her free time, she mostly stays indoors in the estate library poring over books or in her sunroom, just painting landscapes or abstract art she wishes to share with her brother in the slim chance he'd remember her.

Demoness

Lilith, the mother of demons and Adam's first wife, has learned to love partying. She would internally roll her eyes and offer snide remarks at her human host whenever the latter would attend functions and formal dinners-- the elegance wasn't lost on her, but after centuries of holding court at Pandemonium, the formal parties has simply grown to bore her.

On the chance that her host would slip and unleash her, the demoness always finds her way to bars and clubs, just taking her fill of alcohol and sex; creating an underground image for the heiress. Reckless and determined to have her moments of fun, Lilith would sometimes even alter her host's appearance so she can disappear to some random country or hop in a lover's yacht and not show up for days or weeks at a time, feigning sickness with the help of her human doctor friend.

BACKSTORY

trigger warning: description of rape, cursing, violence, death disclaimer: this story was written in the point of view of lilith (the human host) and lilith (the first woman, mother of demons). God and adam was depicted here as what the writer assumes is how lilith (the first woman) saw them. please don't take offense in the story Her first memory came in a flash of light before her eyes, mere moments before she heard the beeping of machines and the antiseptic in the air fills her nostrils. She's back on her hospital bedㅡ and it feels wrong, like she shouldn't be there. Wearily, Lilith opened her eyes to adjust to the dim lighting of her hospital room. The familiar surrounding easing her worries, which if she takes time to think about is actually sad on her part. She's spent more time in this ward than on her wing in their estate. A depressing thought considering it's not something any teenager can normally stay. Unfortunately for her, normal has never been part of her upbringing, which also could be the reason why its her brother, Lucien, standing by her bedside with... wait, is that blood? She reached out, earning herself a smile from her beloved brother, but when she tried to speakㅡ panic came over her body, her lips were forming words but only incoherent sounds seem to slip out. I can't speak. What's happening to me? Her panicked gaze find Lucien's, frantic tears already rolling down her cheeks. Brother, help! was what she wanted to scream but no words escaped her mouth. And amidst her confusion and panic, a voice at the back of her mind demands her to shut up. Whose subconscious tells them to shut up? Her confusion at this new development was enough to abate her tears and panic. But instead of getting an answer, not that she was expecting one, a wave of new memories washed over her. In quick succession, flashes of memories flooded her mind resulting to a terrible headache coupled with the erratic beeping of her heart monitor. It felt wrong, as if they are a memory of someone ancient and yet she's looking at them from their perspective. She saw a blazing warm light together with the sound of birds chirping and the smell of crisp summer air. There was a man with her, holding her a hand... and another, who felt like he could be their Father. Came the next memory, it was of her and their Father. Somehow they were talking about Adam and how he wanted to sleep with her. She came to their father because it felt wrong somehow. She was happy just helping around, caring for the animals and plants. But now... The memory faded into black but the unsettling feeling at the pit of her stomach remains. Who owns these memories? The next memory filled her with dread. It was her Adam on top of her, forcing her to submit, telling her it was their father's wishes. They needed to reproduce, he said. The Garden needs more caretakers and it is their duty to care for all that was created by the Father. Lilith was sobbing now, feeling her skull about to crack open from the sudden tsunami of memories. Is this a dream? She couldn't quite tell. Next came another memory, this time it was of her refusing Adam's advances. It felt as if some time has passed and she's now known how to stand for herself. And there on her periphery, children. The sight of them makes her heart full right before the memory fades. Lilith's feeling all the emotions associated with the memories even when they are not her own, but she somehow feels a connection with whoever is projecting them on her. Keep watching. You'll understand. Now she's hearing voices on top of the dreams but the sense of doom in the pit of her stomach and her growing hatred for the man she knows as Adam has kept her sobbing silently on her bed. She feels Lucien give her hand a squeeze, grounding her as another wave pulls her under. This time it was Adam pushing her down and forcing her legs open with his knees. She spat at him in disgust, mustering enough force to push him off their bed while she stands over him, foot pressing on the inside of the man's thighs. "Lilith,

you witch!", he grunted as she pressed the heel of her foot harder on his thighs. Who gave this man the idea that he can control everything? They were made from the same soil, the Father gave them life as equals and yet... Another memory surfaced, this one felt heavier than all the other that came before it. She's barely aware of Lucien shaking her awake, his voice laced with worry as her heart monitor gives a series of beeps. She heard a booming voice ordering the archangels after her as she fled through the dessert, towards the only salvation she's heard of: The Red Sea. No angel of the Father will dare cross the shallow waters without fear of falling from His grace. Adam has been using her children to keep her in The Garden and do his bidding, forcing himself upon her and expecting her to just bite her tongue and part her legs like a mindless whore. But she's grown tired of protecting his ego and the children she so dearly loved. Enough is enough. She'll come back for her children just as soon as she finds them a safe place to live, away from the judging eyes of the Father and the self-centered ways of Adam. But luck was really not on her side. As soon as her feet landed on the wet loam bordering her promised salvation, three archangels loomed over her-- all of them pointed spears of heavenly fire at her tired body, ordering her to go back and serve her husband. All will be forgiven, they said. But she's no fool to believe any of their words especially when its the Father that sent them after her. The same Father that she first ran to when Adam suggested they sleep together. The same Father she expected would protect her. No. She will not turn back now and have Adam control her life for the rest of their days in The Garden. She would rather die than serve an egomaniac who sees her not as an equal but as an object created for his own wanton needs. "We'll ask one last time. Come back with us to The Garden or the Father will kill a hundred of your children for each day you spend out of Adam's sights." At this, Lilith choked on a sob. She spent years taking all she could of Adam's and the Father's demands... would it be so wrong to choose herself this one time? With a heavy heart, she turned towards the cold and calculating gaze of the archangels. If she goes back, she will suffer by Adam's side and with him as role model, it won't be long until their children start to follow him by example- and that's the last thing Lilith would want for her children. "Tell your Father that I will never take a single step inside The Garden again, nor would I like to set my eyes on Adam. My children would be better off dead than be raised by someone more obnoxious than filth.", and with this, she felt her heart broke knowing the Father heard. The memory faded into darkness but the heaviness in Lilith's heart stayed, leaving her sobbing on the bed with that sense of impending doom. She knows that wasn't the end, for whoever was showing her the memories has only grown more aggrieved. Feel my pain, pet. That voice- filled with resentment and hate. She knows she should be familiar with the story unfolding in her head but somehow she can't recall who it was about. She finds herself gasping for air in between her sobs. Lucien cradling her in his arms. "You'll be okay, Lili." But somehow she can't find comfort in his words. Not this time. With these thoughts ringing in her mind, she was once again pulled under- a crushing feeling of hatred and need for revenge pressing in around her. She was standing on the same wet loam, The Read Sea a sprawling landscape before her. But this time no angels can be seen on the horizon. It has been years since her heart broke for her children, and she mourned their deaths. She still does. But no amount of mourning can ever get the pain of a mother losing her child off her chest. She will not rest until both Adam and the Father suffer from the things they've put her through. One thing she learned from denouncing the Father was that her original protection is gone. And that The Red Sea

is where all the lascivious beings gather- a vast majority of them giving her what she needs and satiating her hunger for the pleasures of the flesh. She'd have to thank the Father for her gift to procreate as more of her children grew from the seeds these monsters produce every time they bed her. It was on one of those nights, hundreds of her children sprung out from the seed her lovers released on the earth, that he came. She heard news of his fall- the brightest angel stripped of his rank: Lucifer Morningstar. Fate has brought them together, it seems. They spent nights creating more Children of the Lilim, hushed promises exchanged in the heat of passion. He promised her revenge and delivered, getting Adam and his new wife out of The Garden after one too many tricks to go against the Father. She enjoyed her time with him, even spent millennia ruling the pits by his side. But she got bored. Thinking of new ways to punish the damned has started to grow stale. And that's when Lucien has made a summoning. Her brother summoned a demon. But why? She felt chills run through her body. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear an answer. But of course, the entity responsible for the memories have other ideas. She's suddenly aware of herself instantly stopping from sobbing, an amused smile spreading over her lips as she pushes Lucien off her. She's aware of the motions but couldn't control any of them. Hush now, pet. I'll play nice with you, just don't do anything stupid. Without meaning to, she suddenly became aware that she's now a prisoner in her own mind. Or what used to be her mind. "Hello, Lucien." The voice that came out of her mouth was melodic, lilting in a way that makes it sound like she's about to sing a lullaby- and this made her brother smile. But I couldn't speak when I woke up. "That's right, pet. You can't. But I can." Her brother's eyes widened, "Lili... who are you talking to? Are you feeling alright?" He attempted to take her hand. "Should I call your doctor?" She wanted to scream yes- do anything to let him know of her presence. "Oh stop with your acting, boy. Don't pretend you're really concerned now when you've thought about her death countless times before." A childish giggle escapes her lips while she pulls his shirt open, displaying the pattern of blood on his pale skin. She finds his gaze then, understanding of the situation finally dawning on him. "What were you thinking summoning someone you have no idea of containing? Creative choice using your sister as host. I kind of like this youthful body." Lucien, what is she saying? You wouldn't... "Oh but he did, pet. That's why I'm here." Lucien's shoulders slumped, silent sobs wracking his body as the gravity of what he's done caught up to him. "Now, where were we? Oh right. The price for your stupidity." She claps her hands, like a child getting ready to unwrap her presents on Christmas morning. "First, your sister's voice. I'm not as heartless as you think so I'd let her play once in awhile but without her voice." She adjusts her body on the bed, mindlessly pulling at the tubes connecting her to the machines. "No soul shall hear her voice again, unless of course when it's my time to have fun with her body. A good deal, don't you think?" "Next Lucien, is the memory of something or someone you most treasure. We both know who that is." She means me. Lucien began to protest but was met with nothing bad a dismissive wave of her hand, "Now boy, who said this was a negotiation?" "You will lose her. But you will forever have the feeling of losing something you hold dear- that empty feeling in your chest that will only grow as time passes. It will consume you, dear boy. And the pits will be there once it does." And it was with these words and Lucien's pleading and guilt-stricken face, did her gaze start to darken- her consciousness getting lulled once again into slumber. You'll always look for him. And she knows she will. The worst kind of mourning after all, is when the one you lost is still alive but will never be back in your life again

no matter how much you wish for them to be.

[elizabethrobertajones]

What do you think a meeting between John and Cas would be like? And if he knew that Dean and Cas had feelings for each other, do you think he'd have more of a problem with the man thing or the angel thing?

Oof this is the sort of question where I down my whole coffee and think about it for 2 hours and I still need to sound things out :P 

I think there’s a few sort of variables to consider even just how we get here because my brain is bubbling with scenarios, like: is this where John is around when Cas is introduced, and how he’d react when everyone is meeting Cas, and he gets a perpendicular arc to Cas and Dean like Bobby got (aka the opposite to Bobby’s adopting of Cas and somewhat knowing looks and pep talks towards the end because Bobby and John would never agree so that dooms John to become more intolerant of Cas n Dean :P)… 

Or does John come back instead of Mary when Mary came back in season 12, so we get his equivalent reactions to Cas, when Mary was somewhat cool if stunned by his presence, but we know she was the pro-angel parent while John thought her ceramic angel was “creepy” in 5x13…

Or is this that John reappears in season 14 and sure only 2 years difference has passed but that’s 2 years of Dabb at the helm and Dean n Cas are practically ready to retire to their B&B in Vermont at this point, just as soon as they get a few weeks of no plot distractions to themselves.

I think we can use Dean from seasons 1-4 as the guide for roughly how John would have felt about angels in general, because John taught the boys all he knew about the supernatural world, and in general Dean mirrors him when it comes to grief about Mary and worldview and other things which were tied up in this complicated mess of angels watching over them. Maybe he didn’t know what Mary said to her boys but he’d have known she was religious and got the angel for them, and so we can just assume his distraught scepticism on the subject is passed down to Dean, and Mary and Sam have more in common with their approach to faith. If John had still been around in the background of season 4 onwards, like, AU where he never died, or they got him back in time, then he’d likely have been just as sceptical as Dean but presumably never been on the personal arc with Cas that Dean has, with a special heap of not getting rescued from Hell by angels annoyance, which could nicely make a scenario where he remains anti-angel while even Dean comes around to how awesome Cas is, leaving a permanent conflict about it. (Honestly I love this scenario just for how Bobby still ends up adopting Dean n Sam out from under John’s nose :P)

In this case I would probably say that his issues would be disguised as the angel thing, but very much a long-form arc about parental acceptance and homophobia using Cas’s otherness as an angel as the metaphor, in just the same way we have the actual arc with Heaven being disapproving of Cas’s friendship/supposed sex life with Dean, with “angels are forbidden to procreate with humans” as the underlying issue instead. 

For scenario 2, if John had been brought back instead of Mary, then again we have a very curious conflict from the start because Mary is reasonably accepting of Cas, perhaps a little dazed by “actual angel” but that’s taking a step down from “so I did a favour for God and his sister, and she brought you back” to accept that her sons have been running around with an angel, and she remembers being in Heaven so that’s another validation to the concept for her. She and Cas have immediate understanding as strangers in a strange land, and by the end of the episode she kills to save both Cas and Dean together which is an implicit nice kind of acceptance for the both of them at least as a metaphoric path forwards.

For John, that first reaction to Cas is going to be instantly more suspicious and probably even if he doesn’t initially find something weird about Cas and Dean embracing like that in front of him, he’s narratively set up to oppose angels like Dean once did, and would probably have been having issues with the God and Amara scenario already, with far less the tearful reunion at the start of the episode and much more distrust of the scenario and a sense of needing to get right back to work and that he was brought back for some reason (I assume that’s why he takes off in episode 3 like Mary did) because John has a bunch of secrets and doesn’t even like telling his sons stuff. It would be far less coincidental that YED reappear in the narrative for the first time since Azazel got killed in the John version of season 12, you know? 

I think a lot of what in 12x01 and 2 played out as Mary Is Family, Cas Is Family Too, Let’s All Be Family But Sad About It, would become far more tetchy and distrustful - John ordering Cas to hurt the guy would be less Mary copying Dean and making inaccurate assumptions about Cas and his role, and more John making similar inaccurate assumptions but from the more alpha male sort of angle. I suspect a lot more competitiveness with Cas, and by 12x03 in the opening where Mary and Cas had the sad quiet conversation about belonging, it may be more aggressive, at least subtextually, to the point that John may be disappointed that Cas is looking after the boys when he’s been unable to and sees his position as the third wheel usurped and that spurs him to take off on whatever he goes to do off-screen for the rest of the season :P 

12x09 and 12x12 would be the clues (er, love confessions) that Cas has a thing for Dean in front of John, and may overtly be to reconcile John to the concept of angels being real and watching over his sons. Considering this is happening in a hypothetical Dabb era where Lily Sunder still happened in between, I’m pretty sure this would not have totally positive effects when it comes to John’s path of accepting Cas n Dean or not, just because we get this reminder that Heaven is so dead set against their union. Would John warm to it as a contrast and *even he* starts to see there’s a value in it and defends it in the equivalent of the Mary Losing One Of Her Boys speech at the end of 12x12 (I assume with a Ketch/Toni flip although honestly what the hell let’s keep season 12 the same and he hooks up with Ketch and surprises himself and everyone else and it all went well and he accepted Cas n Dean back in 12x12 and - this season has completely derailed)

The John Comes Back In Season 14 one will be even more painful for him. Mary has mourned him, got over it, and has a lil crush on AU!Bobby, who, after all, has always been a flipside of John where he was the father figure they needed… This Bobby may not have that history with the boys but our Bobby and John fell out, were at gunpoint odds last time John saw Bobby, and 7x10 implies that might even have been about Bobby nurturing Sam and Dean too much while accusing John of running off endangering them and himself and not giving them time to be boys. Even a mirror universe copy of Bobby who had been with a Mary Campbell who lost John back in the 70s and AU Bobby never met, now making moves on his wife… Well, you got to ask, when you promise “til death do us part” and then you BOTH DIE, is that legally binding contract over? 

So there’s a big old blow to his entire personhood, and then he finds the buckwild family scenario at large that has Sam, who is the SENSIBLE one in this whole mess, parenting Lucifer’s son while smiling too much at the local saucy witch, Dean either a possessed fancy angel or a wreck from having been possessed by said fancy angel, also parenting Lucifer’s son, with a dynamic of an old married couple to a gloomy angel who is, inexplicably, also parenting Lucifer’s son, on the outs with Heaven, and mooning after Dean. 

Also, Mary is parenting Lucifer’s son.

I think I can only see one solid result here: amongst all the tension and falling out with and being upset by every single dynamic he stumbles across while lost and horrified by what everyone has become, losing all connection to his sons and wife, surrounded by changes in their world that his revenge-driven head is not equipped to handle… 

He probably at least ends up confusedly parenting Lucifer’s son and redeeming himself as a parent through that vector and then, perhaps, slowly, to the others.

[helloandwelcometomariasblog]

Review #97: 상의원 (The Royal Tailor)

Surprising.

The film was much deeper than I'd expected it to be. When it first started, I wasn't sure what to expect, but it seemed quite lighthearted. But then again, most Korean films are like that. I've mentioned this before but they mostly all start off funny and light and then they get intensely deep and tear-jerking.

There are many different aspects I could explore with this film, but I'll just mention the main aspects that came to me and stayed with me throughout.

Interestingly enough, although the film was heavily based on the theme of beauty and explored it throughout, the theme that actually stayed with me the most was something else. I can't really describe this in one word, so I'll just start talking about it in length (as I always do). I guess if I tried describing it in one word, I might use 'open-mindedness'.

This film really hit it hard for me and told me that one of the best things we can do as human beings (and especially as adults) is to acknowledge someone else's greatness. It is so important. When we can't do that, we're led to drastic measures and we just rot inside. I know how that feels, so I know how important it is to be openminded and humble. I have been there. My soul has rotted before. But the important thing is to not let yourself get that far. Nobody should go to the point of excluding the person and pushing them towards a cliff. We do that though. If you think about the conflict that happens at school or at work, you'll realize that a lot of people get bullied and excluded for similar reasons. Because other people can't stand it when they're not the most beautiful, the most popular, the most intelligent, the most liked, etc.

But the hero was different. He was able to acknowledge the head tailor's expertise and never really treated him as competition - more like a fellow colleague. But then again, maybe it was easy for him because he'd never been in the head tailor's position before. So it's not like I don't understand the head tailor. He's been in the top position for so many years and he's spent his life building his career up from the very bottom. And then a newbie comes along who doesn't even seem to have studied properly and looks like he lives on the streets and turns out he's better than he himself will ever be. So I understand that he feels threatened.

And the hero mentions it too - in the jail cell, he tells the head tailor that it's his fear that is killing the both of them. It's true. I just found it sad that the head tailor couldn't get over it. He wasn't self-aware enough. He wasn't humble enough. And that's the scary thing for people who are already at the top. They have nowhere else to go but down. So they very easily feel threatened and they hold onto what they've built as though their lives depended on it.

That's the biggest message for me from this film. Be openminded, be humble, and always have a learning mind. And always, always acknowledge and admit that there is someone better than you. This is important for me as a teacher as well. Just because I'm the teacher, doesn't mean I'm the best in the room. It's important to acknowledge that my students are more intelligent and skilled than I am in different aspects. I think it's important to grow together. Acknowledging and promoting the fact that we can learn from one another.

The film shows really well what happens when human beings don't or can't do that. Sure in the end the people in the streets were wearing bright clothing again, but it wasn't made by the hero. In the end, the hero does die, and it's the head tailor that continues to make the clothes. I just find that so... angering. The head tailor never properly redeemed himself, and so even now I find him hateful. He did have multiple chances to redeem himself, and he did have hopeful moments, but when I heard him in the jail cell saying that it was the hero's fault, that it was his arrogance that led him there, I honestly just gave up. Dude you had so many chances and you probably didn't even know they were chances. You were given so many chances to enlighten yourself and you didn't even try. I just kept calling him poor asshole as I was watching because that's exactly what he was. A veritable asshole, but a poor one.

I'm not even sure what to say about the king. I guess it's kind of sad how the antagonists kind of stayed as antagonists in the film. The bad guys stayed bad and the good guys stayed good. And the gap was a bit huge. The good guys were like angels. The best of the best. No faults and no flaws. Just so good. Too good almost.

It's late and I'm getting tired but I do have to talk about the theme of beauty. I guess I was torn. Half of me really did appreciate the beauty and I was reacting in just the same way the people in the film were: open-mouthed, gaping at how beautiful a person could be depending on their clothing. The film was saying, "appearances are everything" and I felt like I was almost blindly agreeing with it.

In the film, women are valued for their beauty. The pretty girls get what they want, basically. The more beautiful you are, the more desired, respected, and loved you are. See how the king only chose the queen when she came in that amazing white dress? And she got a standing ovation for that too. She's had the same personality and the same lovely values for all those years and he's (as well as every other man) only noticed her when she looked the most beautiful in that pretty dress. I guess I found that a bit annoying and disappointing. The film seems to subtly suggest that women hold the most power when they're the most beautiful. As though being the most beautiful woman in the room and seducing all the top tier men is the most powerful thing a woman can do and the most powerful asset she can have. The idea that wearing pretty clothes is one of the best values in a person and the best way to judge their worth.

It was like experiencing the height of Korea's lookism but set way way back. I do wonder if Korea was that intensely obsessed with appearances back then too. 참 옷이 날개라는 게 무슨 뜻인지 느껴지게 만든 영화. But still the main message I'm taking away from it is completely unrelated to beauty and all about being humble and openminded enough to acknowledge others' greatness. Because when you feel threatened and try to douse it out, you could really be exempting the world from an incredibly positive and creative revolution.

[awed-frog]

Why does it feel like the show is leading to cas' death? The emphasize of Castiel's past crimes he needs redemption for, the "all other angels are making sacrifizes not you", killing Billie with the knowledge may cost him his life, the increase in Cas eps, showing the depth he'd go to for Sam n Dean - all the markers for a standard hero death build. An increase in screen time, a reason to die, the need for a heroes act, the looming warning of Billie's words etc

Hi! Man, that’s one gloomy ask!

So, first of all I have to say this - writing metas is a lot of fun, but you can’t do it right if you’re not keeping a very keen eye on what’s going on IRL. If you want to do a good job, you should know, like, everything - not only the writers’ personalities and what they like about the show and what else they’ve worked for before joining Supernatural, but also what Dabb is up to and what the producers expect and how the ratings are and, obviously, what’s up with the actors - who’s pregnant, who’s sick, who wants to move on to bigger and better things, who’s fighting with his coworkers and so on.

That said - I don’t like knowing about this kind of stuff -

(I’ll like and reblog the occasional interview, but I don’t have time to keep up with what’s going on behind the scenes and I also want to preserve the magic of it all - so, yes, I’m that person - the one who bought the ruby encrusted director’s cut edition of The Lord of the Rings, and then couldn’t bear to watch the making of DVDs, because man, one thing I don’t want to do is to see all those guys trying on ork feet while texting and reading tabloids and munching on Mars bars and ugh.)

- which mean my metas suck. Or, well - they look at canon stuff only, internal coherence, character development - but they will inevitably miss out on Very Important Stuff - stuff you need to know to answer a question like yours.

(If you’re interested in the behind-the-scenes world, I think you need to follow people like @ibelieveinthelittletreetopper and @justanotheridijiton - they are always frighteningly well-informed.)

So, you know - from a real life POV, I think Cas is safe? I remember reading Misha’s role in Supernatural was upgraded in some way, and I think that if he’d expressed a wish to leave even I would have heard about it because tumblr would have collapsed on itself and exploded, so I think we can say with some certainty that no, Cas won’t die.

From a narrative point of view, the problem with Cas is that his arc is a difficult one to solve with some elegance, and so they’re going round and round and that’s why we all have a feeling, every so often, that he’ll die a martyr and we’ll be sad forever and that will be it. And what I mean by that is, from the very beginning, Cas’ arc was about one thing: Heaven or the Winchesters? That’s it. That’s the character, and that’s the character’s conflict, and once you solve that, the story’s supposed to be over. It’s very hard to create a character for a specific reason and give them a specific conflict that’s also very relevant in the story as a whole, and then say, Okay, just kidding - this thing’s over now, let’s move on to something else. Like, really hard. I know we all want Cas living in the Bunker and being a third Winchester brother (or, even better, Dean’s boyfriend) and solving cases with them and just bloody stopping being hurt and lonely all the bloody time (*insert Crowley’s angry voice*), because he’s great and we love him so much, but from a narrative POV it’s hard to give him that and not have him become irrelevant. We already have two flawed protagonists who go on hunts (Sam and Dean), so where are we going to fit a third? This, I think, was one of the reasons why they killed Gabriel and Balthazar - because Crowley had the same narrative role (flamboyant and irresistible sexy villain with the best lines and snark up to there and you can sort of trust him about the Big Issues but boy, will he screw you over the second you turn around!) and he was better at it for a variety of reasons (like, he’s a demon so there’s a nice contrast with both angels and humans, plus he opened up a whole series of Hell-related storylines, plus he was once human, so family-related storylines, plus he’s much less powerful than an angel, or an archangel, so less deus ex machina drama, and so on and so on). It’s also why they’re writing Mary the way she is - I mean, it’s a nice touch and I like her very much and it’s also completely believable that she would be a hunter first and a mom second and whatever, but the thing is, they’ve already got a ‘mom figure’ with Jody, so writing Mary in a different way is interesting and makes the show richer.

Anyway, sorry for all this rambling - I guess what I meant to say is, I don’t think Cas will get better any time soon, but I don’t see him dying, either. At the moment, he’s a time bomb - a plot device waiting to happen. What will he do next to prove his allegeance to the Winchesters? To save Dean? To help his brothers? What crazy, desperate schemes is he mulling over? And how will the Winchesters react to that? And also - will Crowley try to profit off all the mess?

An unhappy Cas - that’s something that creates stories, because this is what gets the world moving: unhappy (or unsatified) people. It doesn’t have to be life-threatening stuff all the time, and I wish Supernatural would scale things down every once in a while, but we do need problems, and an angel going through an identity crisis is a goldmine. And another goldmine? A doomed love story that can never, ever happen, which is why Destiel - the other fundamental part of Cas’ personality - will also be on the back burner, like, forever - because, again, once that’s solved, then what? 

(Which is okay, because this angst - that’s not the bad part; the bad part is this ambiguity on whether the thing is there or not.)

So, well - don’t worry about Cas. He’ll keep doing his own thing, and I don’t see him experiencing pure joy any time soon, but he’s not going anywhere. Unless Misha changes his mind, I think Cas will stick with us until the very end - when he’ll either die tragically or get his happy ending with Dean, because this is Supernatural, and there is no middle ground.