song-of-kalinaw

[song-of-kalinaw]

BOUNDARIES

I know we always rave about and affirm taking breaks and not giving up but have you ever thanked yourself for doing the opposite?

Have you ever given yourself a pat on the shoulder for making a full stop? Have you ever praised yourself for letting go?

It may be part of our nature to not give up on things we especially deem importantㅡ may it be a hobby, a career, a person we hold dearㅡ we have a tendency to hold on and nurture, pour and pour from our cup, even when we know we've already given every last drop.

When do we know its time to let go? That someone has overstayed their welcome, or that something may be too much to hold on to? When do we know that its better to reinforce boundaries and that saying "no" is as valid as any decision you can make for yourself?

If ever at some point you faced such crossroads, and you chose to make a full stop despite that voice in your head saying you'll be fine to go again after a break, I'm proud of you. I commend you for swallowing every fear, and for listening to the pain every unseen scar has left on your body.

I hope you give yourself a pat on the back or a congratulations for giving up, because you've finally realized that winning some battles doesn't mean hurting and draining yourself over and over in the same repetitive pattern. And that some things are meant to be dropped for your personal growth or for keeping your inner peace.

I know it is often seen in a negative light, but if you did it to protect yourself and to end a toxic cycle, then believe me when I say: I'm proud of you for giving up when you did.

[song-of-kalinaw]

EPILOGUE

So it has come to this. 

I can no longer reach for you or call you whenever something bothers me—and I need that calming presence. I can no longer scream my affections out in the open nor bother you with them whenever I feel like it; nor leave you random messages and reminders, or inside jokes I hope would help you get through the day in high spirits.

It has finally come to the point where the only place I can scream your name and how much this little heart feels for you are the walls inside my head. And there I shall continue screaming for you over and over, day after day, until all my thoughts and every waking moment is filled with memories of you.

And there, your name shall continue to echo until it turns to white noise– ever present, buzzing under every thought, action, decision. It will remain there despite me not being aware that it continues to buzz in static... waiting. 

Waiting for that moment that certain song comes on the playlist, or that scent to suddenly envelope me. It's there, hiding under mundane thoughts of getting my groceries, until I meet someone with your name or with the same little idiosyncrasies. It lies dormant until I hear the same joke thrown at me, the same recommended movie, the same food, drink, song, place. 

Then you're there again. 

Your name screamed back at me, not just in my head. It's like the world knows I will never completely own myself again. That you have this certain hold. That your name isn't just for white noise in the dark recesses of my mind. It's as if it knows my lips crave the taste of your name, and eyes yearn for the sight of your smile.

Yet you are the cycle I'm meant to end.

For your arms aren't my soul's destination but a mere stop on the way, despite them being the balm to every ache I've felt, and the shelter to every storm that came. You were a lesson that felt more like a gift. My cautionary tale that was wrapped in grabs of the finest silk, that I belatedly learned was hiding thorns underneath.

I wrote before that I never would even imagine living without you. 

But now, I guess, I have to. At least for a little while, I do.

[song-of-kalinaw]

Mosaic Hearts

Everybody talks about how each person is a mosaic of the people they have ever loved, even for a heartbeat. Of how they affected how each one sees and enjoys life.

And I could go on about how every person I've loved has influenced me. How I got used to drinking more than a tumbler of water even outside because a girlfriend used to remind me to always hydrate myself. Or how I would hold someone's hand when crossing the street, because my bestfriend would always do that for me. Or how I now enjoy reading essays, novels, and poems because a highschool boyfriend would always talk to me to discuss our ideas about these things.

But mosaics aren't just made up of light and brightly colored pieces, are they? They, too, are a collection of bits and piecesㅡ of jagged edges and dark tonesㅡ much like the fragments the people we loved has left us.

"You are a mosaic of everyone you have ever loved.

It's cracks are not flaws. They're what hold you together."

That might be right. And it gives me the comfort of knowing that the cracks in my heart hold some sort of memorial for the love I freely gave to people I used to adore, but even warriors don't just remember victories in place of their scars.

Oh how amazing would it be to trade a piece of this mosaic heart for some peace of mind before bed, not wanting to overanalyze every conversation held during the dayㅡ wondering if there was a word, a sentence, or a question uttered that could possibly make someone I care about suddenly leave?

How I'd love to chip a piece and replace it with a shiny, new sheet of confidence in exchange for the one people ripped? That under all the talk and sass, that tense back wasn't because I wanted a perfect posture or that it made me look tall.

Or maybe exchange a little fragment for some sense of self-worth and security, concepts that now feel too foreign without that tiny voice in my head asking all the questions that keep me up at night. 

"You are a mosaic of everyone you have ever loved."

And there shouldn't be regrets for the mosaic heart all these years has formed. There shouldn't. But the nights have continuously grown longer, and the fragments all too sharper. 

I'm a mosaic, and I know soon these cracks would break. 

[song-of-kalinaw]

BASIC INFORMATION

Human Host

Name: Lilith Selene Lair

DOB: October 16, 1996

Ethnicity: Korean-American

Eye color: Dark Brown

Hair: Black, waist length

Occupation: Socialite, Empire Heiress

Current Location: Seoul, South Korea

Demoness

Name: Lilith

DOB: [information redacted]

Origin: Garden of Eden

Entity type: Original Succubus

Eye Color: Black Onyx

Hair: Black, waist length; morphs to preference

Current Location: Seoul, South Korea; Interuniverse travel

PERSONALITY

Human Host

Lilith Selene Lair, the mute heiress to the Lair Group of Companies, has her life planned out for her even before she was conceived. But after being born with a heart problem and spending most of her childhood in the hospital with only her brother as company-- she was known in their circle as the quiet princess, not just because of her mysterious mutism but because of the timid personality she adapted after her stay in the hospital.

She can be seen mostly keeping to herself but come forums or parties organized by her family or their friends, Lilith can play quite the host with her handy tablet always ready with a funny retort or an interesting inquiry. The heiress is also fond of kids and pets, which is why on warm afternoons or in the early mornings, she'll visit the park in their gated community to watch the toddlers play or pet a dog or two.

In her free time, she mostly stays indoors in the estate library poring over books or in her sunroom, just painting landscapes or abstract art she wishes to share with her brother in the slim chance he'd remember her.

Demoness

Lilith, the mother of demons and Adam's first wife, has learned to love partying. She would internally roll her eyes and offer snide remarks at her human host whenever the latter would attend functions and formal dinners-- the elegance wasn't lost on her, but after centuries of holding court at Pandemonium, the formal parties has simply grown to bore her.

On the chance that her host would slip and unleash her, the demoness always finds her way to bars and clubs, just taking her fill of alcohol and sex; creating an underground image for the heiress. Reckless and determined to have her moments of fun, Lilith would sometimes even alter her host's appearance so she can disappear to some random country or hop in a lover's yacht and not show up for days or weeks at a time, feigning sickness with the help of her human doctor friend.

BACKSTORY

trigger warning: description of rape, cursing, violence, death disclaimer: this story was written in the point of view of lilith (the human host) and lilith (the first woman, mother of demons). God and adam was depicted here as what the writer assumes is how lilith (the first woman) saw them. please don't take offense in the story Her first memory came in a flash of light before her eyes, mere moments before she heard the beeping of machines and the antiseptic in the air fills her nostrils. She's back on her hospital bedㅡ and it feels wrong, like she shouldn't be there. Wearily, Lilith opened her eyes to adjust to the dim lighting of her hospital room. The familiar surrounding easing her worries, which if she takes time to think about is actually sad on her part. She's spent more time in this ward than on her wing in their estate. A depressing thought considering it's not something any teenager can normally stay. Unfortunately for her, normal has never been part of her upbringing, which also could be the reason why its her brother, Lucien, standing by her bedside with... wait, is that blood? She reached out, earning herself a smile from her beloved brother, but when she tried to speakㅡ panic came over her body, her lips were forming words but only incoherent sounds seem to slip out. I can't speak. What's happening to me? Her panicked gaze find Lucien's, frantic tears already rolling down her cheeks. Brother, help! was what she wanted to scream but no words escaped her mouth. And amidst her confusion and panic, a voice at the back of her mind demands her to shut up. Whose subconscious tells them to shut up? Her confusion at this new development was enough to abate her tears and panic. But instead of getting an answer, not that she was expecting one, a wave of new memories washed over her. In quick succession, flashes of memories flooded her mind resulting to a terrible headache coupled with the erratic beeping of her heart monitor. It felt wrong, as if they are a memory of someone ancient and yet she's looking at them from their perspective. She saw a blazing warm light together with the sound of birds chirping and the smell of crisp summer air. There was a man with her, holding her a hand... and another, who felt like he could be their Father. Came the next memory, it was of her and their Father. Somehow they were talking about Adam and how he wanted to sleep with her. She came to their father because it felt wrong somehow. She was happy just helping around, caring for the animals and plants. But now... The memory faded into black but the unsettling feeling at the pit of her stomach remains. Who owns these memories? The next memory filled her with dread. It was her Adam on top of her, forcing her to submit, telling her it was their father's wishes. They needed to reproduce, he said. The Garden needs more caretakers and it is their duty to care for all that was created by the Father. Lilith was sobbing now, feeling her skull about to crack open from the sudden tsunami of memories. Is this a dream? She couldn't quite tell. Next came another memory, this time it was of her refusing Adam's advances. It felt as if some time has passed and she's now known how to stand for herself. And there on her periphery, children. The sight of them makes her heart full right before the memory fades. Lilith's feeling all the emotions associated with the memories even when they are not her own, but she somehow feels a connection with whoever is projecting them on her. Keep watching. You'll understand. Now she's hearing voices on top of the dreams but the sense of doom in the pit of her stomach and her growing hatred for the man she knows as Adam has kept her sobbing silently on her bed. She feels Lucien give her hand a squeeze, grounding her as another wave pulls her under. This time it was Adam pushing her down and forcing her legs open with his knees. She spat at him in disgust, mustering enough force to push him off their bed while she stands over him, foot pressing on the inside of the man's thighs. "Lilith,

you witch!", he grunted as she pressed the heel of her foot harder on his thighs. Who gave this man the idea that he can control everything? They were made from the same soil, the Father gave them life as equals and yet... Another memory surfaced, this one felt heavier than all the other that came before it. She's barely aware of Lucien shaking her awake, his voice laced with worry as her heart monitor gives a series of beeps. She heard a booming voice ordering the archangels after her as she fled through the dessert, towards the only salvation she's heard of: The Red Sea. No angel of the Father will dare cross the shallow waters without fear of falling from His grace. Adam has been using her children to keep her in The Garden and do his bidding, forcing himself upon her and expecting her to just bite her tongue and part her legs like a mindless whore. But she's grown tired of protecting his ego and the children she so dearly loved. Enough is enough. She'll come back for her children just as soon as she finds them a safe place to live, away from the judging eyes of the Father and the self-centered ways of Adam. But luck was really not on her side. As soon as her feet landed on the wet loam bordering her promised salvation, three archangels loomed over her-- all of them pointed spears of heavenly fire at her tired body, ordering her to go back and serve her husband. All will be forgiven, they said. But she's no fool to believe any of their words especially when its the Father that sent them after her. The same Father that she first ran to when Adam suggested they sleep together. The same Father she expected would protect her. No. She will not turn back now and have Adam control her life for the rest of their days in The Garden. She would rather die than serve an egomaniac who sees her not as an equal but as an object created for his own wanton needs. "We'll ask one last time. Come back with us to The Garden or the Father will kill a hundred of your children for each day you spend out of Adam's sights." At this, Lilith choked on a sob. She spent years taking all she could of Adam's and the Father's demands... would it be so wrong to choose herself this one time? With a heavy heart, she turned towards the cold and calculating gaze of the archangels. If she goes back, she will suffer by Adam's side and with him as role model, it won't be long until their children start to follow him by example- and that's the last thing Lilith would want for her children. "Tell your Father that I will never take a single step inside The Garden again, nor would I like to set my eyes on Adam. My children would be better off dead than be raised by someone more obnoxious than filth.", and with this, she felt her heart broke knowing the Father heard. The memory faded into darkness but the heaviness in Lilith's heart stayed, leaving her sobbing on the bed with that sense of impending doom. She knows that wasn't the end, for whoever was showing her the memories has only grown more aggrieved. Feel my pain, pet. That voice- filled with resentment and hate. She knows she should be familiar with the story unfolding in her head but somehow she can't recall who it was about. She finds herself gasping for air in between her sobs. Lucien cradling her in his arms. "You'll be okay, Lili." But somehow she can't find comfort in his words. Not this time. With these thoughts ringing in her mind, she was once again pulled under- a crushing feeling of hatred and need for revenge pressing in around her. She was standing on the same wet loam, The Read Sea a sprawling landscape before her. But this time no angels can be seen on the horizon. It has been years since her heart broke for her children, and she mourned their deaths. She still does. But no amount of mourning can ever get the pain of a mother losing her child off her chest. She will not rest until both Adam and the Father suffer from the things they've put her through. One thing she learned from denouncing the Father was that her original protection is gone. And that The Red Sea

is where all the lascivious beings gather- a vast majority of them giving her what she needs and satiating her hunger for the pleasures of the flesh. She'd have to thank the Father for her gift to procreate as more of her children grew from the seeds these monsters produce every time they bed her. It was on one of those nights, hundreds of her children sprung out from the seed her lovers released on the earth, that he came. She heard news of his fall- the brightest angel stripped of his rank: Lucifer Morningstar. Fate has brought them together, it seems. They spent nights creating more Children of the Lilim, hushed promises exchanged in the heat of passion. He promised her revenge and delivered, getting Adam and his new wife out of The Garden after one too many tricks to go against the Father. She enjoyed her time with him, even spent millennia ruling the pits by his side. But she got bored. Thinking of new ways to punish the damned has started to grow stale. And that's when Lucien has made a summoning. Her brother summoned a demon. But why? She felt chills run through her body. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear an answer. But of course, the entity responsible for the memories have other ideas. She's suddenly aware of herself instantly stopping from sobbing, an amused smile spreading over her lips as she pushes Lucien off her. She's aware of the motions but couldn't control any of them. Hush now, pet. I'll play nice with you, just don't do anything stupid. Without meaning to, she suddenly became aware that she's now a prisoner in her own mind. Or what used to be her mind. "Hello, Lucien." The voice that came out of her mouth was melodic, lilting in a way that makes it sound like she's about to sing a lullaby- and this made her brother smile. But I couldn't speak when I woke up. "That's right, pet. You can't. But I can." Her brother's eyes widened, "Lili... who are you talking to? Are you feeling alright?" He attempted to take her hand. "Should I call your doctor?" She wanted to scream yes- do anything to let him know of her presence. "Oh stop with your acting, boy. Don't pretend you're really concerned now when you've thought about her death countless times before." A childish giggle escapes her lips while she pulls his shirt open, displaying the pattern of blood on his pale skin. She finds his gaze then, understanding of the situation finally dawning on him. "What were you thinking summoning someone you have no idea of containing? Creative choice using your sister as host. I kind of like this youthful body." Lucien, what is she saying? You wouldn't... "Oh but he did, pet. That's why I'm here." Lucien's shoulders slumped, silent sobs wracking his body as the gravity of what he's done caught up to him. "Now, where were we? Oh right. The price for your stupidity." She claps her hands, like a child getting ready to unwrap her presents on Christmas morning. "First, your sister's voice. I'm not as heartless as you think so I'd let her play once in awhile but without her voice." She adjusts her body on the bed, mindlessly pulling at the tubes connecting her to the machines. "No soul shall hear her voice again, unless of course when it's my time to have fun with her body. A good deal, don't you think?" "Next Lucien, is the memory of something or someone you most treasure. We both know who that is." She means me. Lucien began to protest but was met with nothing bad a dismissive wave of her hand, "Now boy, who said this was a negotiation?" "You will lose her. But you will forever have the feeling of losing something you hold dear- that empty feeling in your chest that will only grow as time passes. It will consume you, dear boy. And the pits will be there once it does." And it was with these words and Lucien's pleading and guilt-stricken face, did her gaze start to darken- her consciousness getting lulled once again into slumber. You'll always look for him. And she knows she will. The worst kind of mourning after all, is when the one you lost is still alive but will never be back in your life again

no matter how much you wish for them to be.

[song-of-kalinaw]

Ocean Nymeria de Marco, Artist

[ACTIVE MUSE] A member of the de Marco Family, a known family of artists in the Philippines. She was once a part of the Dead Press Society's Editorial Staff, but is currently a freelance writer and podcast host for Nemo Alam (Didn't You Know? Now You Know!) which tackles roleplaying topics and opinions on the happenings inside the community.

Oryol, The Serpent Demigoddess

[ACTIVE MUSE] Once a fair maiden adored even by the datus of neighboring kingdoms, she was cursed by the forest god to walk the earth in darkness by hiding her beauty under serpentine scales. Every night, as long as the moon remains in the skies, Oryol shall shed her human form and live among the creatures of the night, a giant serpent from her waist down.

Lilith, Mother of Demons

[ACTIVE MUSE] History removed her name from the holy books, but it doesn't remove the memories from her mind. Lilith, Adam's first wife before Eve took her place in the Garden, has survived in the wastelands despite the Father's efforts into bringing her back. But mindless servitude was not how she sees herself spending eternity doing. She's a woman of her own, and she shall live the way she believes she deserves.

Fiore Lake Ellsworth, Lost Princess

[UNDER DEVELOPMENT] DESCRIPTION TO BE UPDATED

River Kairan Sinclair, Vampire Heiress

[CLOSED] DESCRIPTION TO BE UPDATED

Hel, Goddess of Helheim

[SEMI-HIATUS] DESCRIPTION TO BE UPDATED

Jace Choi, Dark Fey Assassin

[HIATUS] DESCRIPTION TO BE UPDATED

[song-of-kalinaw]

GENERAL PLOTTING NOTES

The writer usually writes in 3rd POV, present tense. However, as she's practicing mirrored literacy, kalinaw encourages her writing partners to write in the way they're most comfortable using and she'll adapt accordingly.

Paragraph or novella plotting is also encouraged but please note that replies might be sporadic or slow at best due to the writer's real world schedules.

Godmodding or the tendency to make your plot partner's character act a certain way to control the plot in the direction only beneficial to your character will be given two warnings. If not resolved, the writer will stop the plot and not continue any further interaction.

The above condition is also applicable to metagaming or when the writer uses real world information not yet revealed by the characters to take control of the plot.

Please refer to the character profiles for each muse's preferred pronouns to be used in plotting and other interactions.

Again, MINORS OOC will not be entertained for sexual NSFW plots and the writer might ask for validation with an ID, if suspicious. However, non-sexual NSFW plots containing gore, violence, and the like can be considered.

Include trigger and content warnings for starters on the timeline or plot discussions sent in direct messages at all times, especially if the outline of the plot has not been discussed beforehand.

[song-of-kalinaw]

IMPORTANT LINKS

Main Twitter Account (mainly for plots and interaction)

Private Twitter Account (for NSFW and rant)

Curious Cat

Podcast (Spotify link)

Podcast (Anchor link)

E-mail (oceandemarco@gmail.com)

[song-of-kalinaw]

BEFORE YOU FOLLOW

Please make sure you have read and understood everything on the general notes page as well as the profile of the muse you wish to interact with. This is so we can have more foundation for the interaction of our muses, and so the story will be of benefit to their character development.

If you have any questions about the muses' backstories, their personalities, or anything in character that you wish to clarify, please don't hesitate to leave them via direct message on @W4NDERCRUST or send them through curiouscat so we can address it.

Please also keep in mind that the account has selective followings so make sure to interact after giving a follow to become mutuals. This is to make sure that everyone on the muses' timeline has interacted with the active muse.

[song-of-kalinaw]

DO NOT INTERACT IF

The writer does not wish to interact with people who are apolitical, a supporter of the current Duterte administration, those who uses slurs, racists, homophobic individuals, and those who are just problematic in general.

Furthermore, anybody who can't take criticisms or accept other people's opinions in a gracious manner are also people the writer would like to steer clear from since the account and her muses are vocal about their thoughts and opinions on a variety of things.

In addition, those who are minors who wish to plot sexual NSFW contents are also not welcome to interact with the writer and her muses.

Please also note that the account @W4NDERCRUST will be posting NSFW related media and literary works which may or may not include taboo themes. Trigger and content warnings will be attached to each respective post but if uncomfortable with the overall theme of kalinaw's muses, please do not interact.

The writer reserves the right to block, soft block, mute, unfollow, or report any user who makes her and her muses uncomfortable. A warning will be given but if it happens again, please do not make an issue of the steps the writer took to keep her peace and safe mental headspace.

[song-of-kalinaw]

KNOW KALINAW

It's kalinaw here, the writer for this universe with muses still growing in number. Kindly read through the general notes of this account to be advised on how to interact and who to interact with best. Currently, there are three active muses in this universe whose profiles will be attached in the navigation section. Additionally, notes on plotting and pre-established relationships will also be attached to give a more in-depth discussion on the muses' personality and circle of people and entities associated with each. I'm also an of age writer who recently turned 23, and is currently working 6 days a week so expect slow to no replies during the weekdays. IF looking to plot, lengthy paragraphs are only possible once I get ahold of my laptop so sporadic replies shall be expected. Character development and world building is a priority especially for my active muses since two of them are fairly new, so do know that my direct messages on twitter is always open for plot discussion and pre-established relationships with any of the three. I do hope our muses can write and interact! Please note that indicators will be used for in character and out of character talk, as well as for the change of muses.

NAVIGATION

Do not interact...

Before you follow

General plotting notes

Character profiles

Important links