#that I wanted the different pieces to be different people so I could make the need to think about my issues go away

[enwoso]

weight of the world | part four

alessia russo x baby!reader (last part of this little mini series!)

-> based on this request | some upsetting themes throughout so read with caution

grumpy masterlist | part three here

it had been a couple of weeks since alessia had made the jump and called the line on the piece of paper which her mum had left on her fridge and they'd been helping, more than alessia maybe realised.

after each session, she felt lighter. like she didn't have the world on her shoulders afterwards.

"i don't think i ever gave myself permission to not cope," alessia said, her voice low, fingers knotting tightly in her lap. "it was like... the second i admitted i was struggling, i'd lose everything. lose control. or worse—lose her."

alessia's throat ached as she said it, like even speaking the fear aloud might make it real.

dr. finch or morgan as alessia learned to find out after their first couple of sessions. morgan didn't rush alessia. she never did. she just nodded gently, legs crossed, her pen still. listening.

"so you became everything for everyone," morgan said after a pause.

alessia nodded, blinking fast. "yeah."

alessia rubbed at the skin on her wrist, the words coming harder now. "i kept thinking... if i just did everything right—fed her at the right time, rocked her the right way, got back to training fast, kept my head down—then no one would question me. no one would think i couldn't handle it. because if someone thought that... then maybe they'd think i wasn't fit to be her mum."

morgan's voice was soft but unflinching. "that is a heavy burden. to be everything. all the time."

alessia laughed bitterly, wiping under her eye. "didn't feel like i had a choice."

"and what about now?" morgan asked gently. alessia sat with that question for a long moment, staring at the window, at the strip of sky just visible behind the blinds.

"i-i'm... learning," alessia said finally. "to share the load. a bit. my mum, ella, the team... they've stepped up. they've been kind."

a beat.

"and i'm starting to believe they'll stay. even if i'm not perfect."

morgan nodded slowly. "that's good, alessia. that is really good." a longer pause stretched between them before morgan spoke again—careful, measured. "can i ask something about y/n's father?"

alessia's jaw clenched. her shoulders stiffened slightly. "he's not in the picture," alessia said quickly, automatically—like she'd practiced the line a hundred times.

"i see," morgan said gently. "would you be open to sharing how that's felt for you? being left to carry this on your own?"

alessia didn't answer right away. her eyes glossed over. then: "i didn't plan to be a single mum. i didn't plan any of it."

alessia let out a long breath that trembled at the edges. "he said he wasn't ready. and i told him i wasn't either but i had this connection with her so i told him that i could do it without him if i had to. i wasn't giving up my baby. and i meant it." alessia swallowed hard.

"but there's a difference between doing it alone because you choose to... and doing it alone because you're left with no other option."

silence again, thick and aching.

"and the worst part?" alessia added, voice cracking. "sometimes i still catch myself missing him. not being with him but—just... the idea. of not being alone at 3am with a crying baby and a pounding headache. of someone else washing the bottles. of someone else looking at her and seeing me."

alessia's lips trembled. "and then i hate myself for that. because i do have people. i have my mum. i have ella. the girls. but it's not the same. and i feel selfish for even saying that."

"it's not selfish," morgan said softly. "it's you being honest. wanting help—wanting softness, support, safety—that's human, alessia. that's not weakness."

alessia let her head fall forward slightly, chin trembling, eyes closed. "it just gets so loud in my head sometimes," alessia whispered. "and i think, what if i ruin her? what if she grows up and sees how lost i was? what if she hates me for that?"

"she won't," morgan said calmly, but firmly. "you are showing her something so incredibly powerful—what it looks like to be brave and broken and still present. you're showing your little girl what it means to fight for your healing. that matters."

alessia didn't say anything for a long time. then she nodded, one tear sliding down her cheek. and whispered, "i want to be better for her."

"you're already becoming that," morgan said gently. "one step at a time."

⸻

the sun was already slipping through the sheer curtains when alessia woke, her body still curled protectively around your little body, as you were nestled against your mummy's chest, asleep with your fist tucked under her chin. your breath was soft and even, and for a moment, alessia just lay there, watching you.

"hey, my little love," alessia whispered with a small, tired smile. "we did it. another night."

you stirred but didn't wake. alessia pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead and let her eyes drift to the window. the morning light filtered in, warm and gold. the kind that made things feel gentler. softer.

alessia stood slowly, carefully, and padded into the kitchen with you still in her arms. the whiteboard calendar her mum had left was now full—training days, therapy sessions, checkups, even a coffee date with ella scribbled in pink marker. it made her feel like her life had shape again. a purpose again.

the kitchen smelled like toast and the radio played softly. there were now signs of life everywhere now—a new plant on the windowsill, baby socks drying on the radiator, alessia's training boots by the door. the kind of mess that meant people lived here. tried. laughed. started again.

ella had started picking her up on tuesdays and thursdays. a quiet routine that never needed to be spoken aloud.

alessia strapped you into your bouncer with a kiss to your forehead, then laced up her shoes up. her training schedule was light still—modified drills, rehab, nothing too intense—but it felt good to be back. good to sweat. to her body belong to her again, even in fragments.

"you know," alessia murmured, brushing a hand down your leg, "i thought i'd break. i really did."

you cooed up at her, wide-eyed and curious. "but we're still here, aren't we?" alessia smiled, the kind that reached her eyes now—tentative, but real. "and i'm not perfect. god, not even close. but i'm trying."

then alessia's phone buzzed on the counter. a message from ella.

tooney | ‘you still on for a light session today at the ground? i've got snacks. and tooney hugs for my fave little russo.’

alessia laughed under her breath and typed back:

less | ‘wouldn't miss it. save me a banana bar.’

—

later that day, at carrington, alessia stood on the edge of the pitch, nerves buzzing beneath her skin. she was still on an individual programme—short sprints, ball control, bodyweight strength.

the team were doing full drills on the other side of the pitch, but she didn't feel separate anymore. just... finding her way back.

you were in the dugout dressed in warm clothes to match the coolness of the air that swarmed manchester, tucked safely in ella's arms, surrounded by a rotating cast of teammates who doted on you like she was the team mascot.

"look at that face," mary grinned, making ridiculous noises to earn a gurgling laugh from you.

"she's our lucky charm," leah galton said, gently fixing your little bobble hat so that it didn’t cover you big blue eyes.

alessia glanced over and smiled, heart full. the sight was surreal. her daughter—her daughter—being passed between some of the best players in the world, held like something precious. like something that belonged.

as alessia powered through her final sprint, lungs burning, legs screaming, she heard it: cheers.

"go mummy! go mummy!" ella started to chant as she lifted you in the air with your arms as little smiles came from you

"go on lessi!"

"smash it, mama!"

alessia reached the final cone, doubled over with a laugh and a breathless sob tangled together. ella jogged over, still holding you. "you alright?"

alessia looked up, eyes bright. "yeah," alessia panted. "actually... yeah. i think i am."

you babbled and kicked your feet like you understood exactly what was going on. ella grinned. "told you. you've got this."

alessia reached out and took you in her arms, sweat-slicked and flushed with effort. alessia kissed your forehead, breathing in the soft scent of baby shampoo and something sweeter—something like hope.

as healing wasn't about bouncing back straight away like a bouncy ball. it wasn't linear. it was showing up, again and again, even when it hurt. it was letting yourself be seen. letting others help carry you across the line.

and as the sun dipped low over the training ground, alessia russo—mother, footballer, fighter—held her baby in her arms and smiled like maybe, just maybe, she believed it now too.

alessia wasn't fixed. but she was standing. and that was enough.

[eddiemunsonsbabygirl]

Wanna Be Yours ~ 💋

Summary: Y/N had been dodging Eddie for a couple of weeks and today was the day that he couldn’t take it any longer. Warnings: SMUT 18+, angst, hurt/comfort, slow burn, best friends to lovers, pinning, use of Y/N, she/her pronouns, their genitalia is described kinda, edging kinda, reader is curvy and all natural, she calls him “bebé” (baby in Spanish), yearning, kinda dumbed out Eddie bc holy shiiiiitttt, they can’t shut up for shit, protected piv, they are cry babies, think that’s it! Let me know if I missed anything!

A/N: FINALLY I FINISHED IT! HERE IT IS! PLS COMMENT AND REBLOG IT WOULD MAKE ME SO HAPPYYYYY I HOPE YOU LOVE IT! Had to take many breaks but I think that’s just a me problem lol! Tysm for waiting 🖤❤️

Love… oh love… a feeling that can both make you feel on top of the world or kill you…

That’s how they both felt. Being best friends with someone like them since kindergarten. Growing up together, both getting into trouble, living the same lives. At first, it was platonic love. I love you’s were normal. Holding hand was a must. Cuddling was for comfort. Still is. But now, as they grew, it slowly held more meaning. During middle school, it was a small crush. But the small crush turned into falling in love. When the hormones and puberty started to kick it, the more they felt it. Love. Hell, even lust. 

They both slowly saw each other in different lights. Whether it was a bright, ethereal light that made the other look like they came from Heaven. Or maybe, a deep, sensual, red light that made them arousingly intimidating. They’d never admit it aloud. They couldn’t, right? It’s ruin what they had built for years. The memories might end if someone made a move. They were both scared. This feared them the most. Worst than any other nightmare they’ve ever had. Because it wasn’t just a best friend, it was more. It was the only person they could come to. The only person that could see them in a vulnerable state. The only one that could make them laugh till they pissed themselves. The only one that really got them. The only one that would ever understand who they were as a human.

Eddie loved her to death. He did everything for her, even if it was just little things that may have not mattered. He was obsessed with her. Not in a way that was creepy. He obsessed over her like she was a religion. A Goddess. A Queen. A Lioness. A woman of high power. She was fragile in a way. Like a volcano. If he made her explode, he’d punish himself for doing so. If he ever ticked her off in a way she didn’t like, he’d scold himself. Because he didn’t want to lose her. Never. He’d feel so empty if he did. So he stuck to admiring, pinning, yearning, obsessing in silence. As quietly as he could.

Y/N did the same. She loved him like air. It was so easy to love him. She swore he was God’s favorite from how handsome he looked. In her eyes, he was a man of high power. A King. A Lion. A man who knew he was the shit. Because he was. When he doubts himself, she switches it. Makes him believe in himself. Even if he didn’t believe it all the way, she’d make sure he heard every word. He was fragile in a different way than she was. Like a storm. If she angered him, she’d back away. If she did anything he didn’t like, she’d mentally abuse herself. Was she dramatic? Yeah. But so was he. Both big overthinkers. They couldn’t help it. Because it wasn’t just anyone, it was them. 

And while they didn’t notice, everyone else did. The more they grew, the more it was obvious. The more deeper the glares were. The more harsh the insults were. Everyone could see it. Eddie’s friends, they thought they were a married couple. Y/N’s family, oh how annoying it was. Annoyingly endearing. Everyone but them could see that they weren’t just best friends. They were more. They were soulmates, a forever duo, perfect puzzle pieces, two people meant to be. They were made for each other. Sculpted perfectly in delicate hands. They were made from a blueprint. That’s how perfect they were for each other. 

Here was the kicker, they also didn’t do love. Mainly Y/N. She didn’t give a shit about it. It was cheesy, corny, an easy target. It made people weak, pathetic, vulnerable and easily sensitive. Hearts break the fastest. Love plants a seed and the tree will kill you slowly. She didn’t understand love songs. She didn’t understand the poems. She didn’t think she fucked with it. But when it came to Eddie? She was suddenly Shakespeare. She was a singer that sang her heart out to the love songs she used to roll her eyes and gag at. She’d catch herself drawing Eddie. She’d realize she’s writing about Eddie in her journal. At first, she hated it. Ripped the pages out and tossed it in the trash. But now, she lets it stay in her notebook. Let it be it’s own piece. And she let it stay hidden. So now, her view, it changed. Not all the way, but enough for Eddie.

Eddie felt the same. He laughed mockingly at the thought of love. He swore he’d die alone. He thought he knew he wouldn’t be in love. But then there was Y/N. And everything changed. His band used to be strictly about one thing. Now, some of it was about love. He’d giggle to himself when he wrote a song about her. He’d blush when he sang the words aloud. It was goofy and silly. But unlike Y/N, he didn’t mind all that much. It was second nature for him. It was a nightmare for Y/N.

And the more years passed by, the more this love feeling hurt. The more they yearned for each other. A slow burn that pained them more than anything. They needed each other like someone with asthma needed air. And now, both in their crit 20’s, they couldn’t take it anymore. 

MAY 14th, 1986

It was like any other day in Hawkins, Indiana. A school day. A boring Wednesday that would turn into a very intense Wednesday. Like every other day, Eddie pulled up to the gate of Y/N’s trailer with metal music on low. He held a cigarette to his lips as he waited for her to soon come out. And soon she did. But, for the past couple of weeks, she looked more tired than usual. More… upset. Which wasn’t normal at all for her since she was always a giggly, optimistic, laid-back girl. Not… this moody, gloomy, tired girl. She said she was fine and that things had been rough with her family. But it was a lie. Eddie knew, but decided to not say anything about it. Stupid, but he’d rather not piss her off or snap at her. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

She was in her usual baggy clothes but she had no cool accessories like she usually did. She slowly walked her way to the gate and unlocked it before stepping out and locking it back up. Her head hung low as she walked to his van and hopped in, tossing her backpack by her feet after she sat down. She shut the door and buckled herself in, not saying a word and not looking at him. Her eyes were a bit puffy, a bit red, and half-lidded. Easily could tell that she had cried. Her hands rested in her lap and she picked at her cuticles. Usually, Eddie would slip his hand in hers to stop her. But, he didn’t. He didn’t do that for the past week. He didn’t bother.

He didn’t drive off yet, just stared at her. Concerned, worried, but also angry and upset. Angry was the primary one. His brows were furrowed, the cigarette burned between his lips, his left hand gripped the steering wheel tight. What was wrong with her? Why did she changed out of the blue? Did I do something wrong? Did someone hurt her? Was it really her family causing her to break?

But if it was her family, she’d tell him. She always did. 

“Hey…” he spoke up, breaking the silence. She glanced up at him, letting her eyes locked with his for a few moment before looking back down at her hands.

“Hey…” she murmured in response. That was all he was getting out of her.

His hand tightened around the steering wheel and his nostrils flared a bit. He wanted her to talk more. To let him in. He wanted to be with her. To comfort her like he always did. But, he didn’t try and bother. He looked out the hood window and after turning the shift out of park, he began to drive off. He turned up the music louder as he drove, not caring if it was too early for that shit. He just needed to calm down. He needed to think through. He needed to process. The drive was painfully quiet. That angered him more and made him feel uncomfortable. But he didn’t want to break it. The music filled in enough for him to bare the silence. 

Y/N didn’t mind the music either, but the silence pained her just as much as it did for him. Her eyes were glued to her now bleeding cuticle, watching as the blood dried up. She reached her hand up to bite at her nails, chipping the black paint off. Some stuck to her teeth, but she was too upset to care. Her thoughts flooded her mind. Her heart pounded faster than usual. She thought of all the what if’s, scenarios she didn’t want to ever happen, if she should confess to him or not. She was quiet physically, but screaming loudly mentally. 

Once they arrived to Hawkins High and Eddie parked in his usual spot in the very back, Y/N quickly got out of his van. He watched her as she did, sighing deeply with a little growl. He hated when she did that. Like she couldn’t stand being around him. That she needed to get out or else she’d erupt. But, he didn’t say anything. And he soon followed. He stood by her side, hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans. He looked at her, trying to figure her out. She noticed and stopped in her tracks. Her eyes met his, a fire dancing in her eyes. It sort of just… stayed there now. And it scared him.

“What?” She asked, her voice firm and defensive. Again, not normal at all. Eddie will never ever get used to this upfront she has up. 

“Something’s wrong with you.” he said bluntly, his tone mirroring hers.

“Can say the same thing to you.” She retorted. Which caused Eddie to take a step forward. 

“Not in the way that you are,” he said more firmly. “Y/N, talk to me.” He wasn’t asking.

She didn’t say anything, just stared him down. But both of them knew how stubborn they were. So no one would stare down the other and win. It just stayed stuck halfway. She stared at him for longer before walking away and entering the school. Great.

He followed after her, but after entering he decided to give up and head to his locker. He was too pissed to go talk to her, so he decided to let himself cool off. 

Classes didn’t help though since they were in every class together sitting at the same exact desk or sitting right next to each other. Apparently they convinced the teachers (more like pissed them off to a point that they don’t give a shit anymore) enough to let them stay sitting next to each other. But for the past two weeks, they just sat there like regular students. And as calming as it was for the class and teachers, it was also weird. Some liked it, some didn’t. Because it just seemed so… weird. Eddie and Y/N not laughing their asses off? The Freak and the Weirdo not pissing people off together? It was very uncharacteristic. So weird that instead of the popular crowd talking shit about them, they questioned them. Wondering what had happened. 

Nothing happened. That was the thing.

Y/N drifted off in her own world that she didn’t like. She couldn’t handle it anymore. She loved him too much that it was putting her down. More than it did for Eddie, at least physically. It was a thing that just… happened. One day they were fine. The next, it was just different. And slowly, it got worse. This wasn’t working. This wasn’t helping. But they didn’t know what to do. They didn’t know what to say. They didn’t know anything. If Eddie tried to help, she’d give him a dirty look. If she tried to talk to him, her words came out harsh and he just… pushed her away. Because he didn’t like it.

The most people that were concerned was Hellfire. Especially Dustin. It was like seeing parents falling out of love. Eddie was Dustin’s kick-ass older brother and Y/N was his dope ass older sister-in-law. It was weird. Dustin bugged them about it, but they didn’t budge. Eddie would just say that she needed space, Y/N just told him it was family things. But, Dustin could easily smell bullshit. And didn’t give up. Because not only did it pain both of them, but in a way it pained him. They were his only other family. So losing them would make him upset. Eddie’s bandmates even questioned Eddie. He’d just shrugged it off. They questioned Ari, nothing came out of her. 

It wasn’t like they didn’t trust them. It just… couldn’t be said. It sounded bad aloud. It sounded stupid. So they kept it hidden. And maybe, yeah. They’d third wheel. And that’s the last thing they wanted.

Soon minutes became hours and school eventually came to an end. Eddie and Y/N drove back to her trailer to drop her off. And usually, he’d stay. But then it turned into him waving goodbye and driving off. But again, this was too much. So when she got out, unlocked the gate, and made her way inside, he shut his van off and hopped out. He jumped over the fence and ran after her. The moment she was about to shut the door, his hand stopped her from doing so. That surprised her and she opened the door a bit.

“Eddie, what’re you doing?” She asked. And before you know it, he was slipping inside, kicking the door behind him. He tossed his bag on the ground and looked at her with wide eyes, angry and so done with whatever this was.

“You’re gonna talk. I’m done with this… thing you started. I’m done pretending like I have no idea what’s wrong with you. Y/N, I know you don’t have any family issues goin’ on. You would’ve told me. Like you always did. You’re lying to me and I don’t know why. So now, you’re gonna tell me why. I gave you two fuckin’ weeks and all I’ve gotten from those two weeks was nothing but seeing you… like this. Y/N…”

He took a moment to pause, looking her up and down. His throat tightened up and his eyes grew glossy. The moment she saw his eyes well up with tears, so did hers. She stood in the middle of the living room, hands by her sides, her head hung low and her eyes locked with his. Like a sad, timid puppy. His eyes met hers and stayed there. The fire in her eyes washed away from her tears. He saw… something in her eyes. Something he couldn’t put a finger on, but his soul knew what it was. That’s why his heart began to pound faster.

“Please… talk to me. What did I do? Did I say something wrong? Did anyone hurt you? I’ll go kill them if someone did. Just say the world and I’ll do it, I swear. Am I losing you? Don’t tell me I’m losing you… please don’t. I… I’m scared, angel,” He said in a weak voice. He took a few slow steps closer to her. His hands twitched against his thighs, wanting to touch her. But he didn’t, not yet. A tear escape his eye and he tilted his head to the side. “Quit playing pretend with me… please. It’s hurting me. Don’t push me away. Never push me away. Sweetheart, talk to me.”

She stood as still as a statue. Tears fell from her eyes like waterfalls and her bottom lip quivered a little. His voice, his words, they melted her. Broke her. And before she could even think, she finally spoke what she’s been trying to not say at all. She couldn’t handle it either.

“Eddie, I’m in love with you. I love you more than just best friends. I love you for everything. All of it. I love you so much that it hurts. You’re the only guy I’ll ever love like this. I’m… I’m sorry I pushed you away. I really am. I thought… I thought it was a safe idea. But… it’s not. I feel like shit, lying to you. My family is perfectly fine. Nothing happened. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s all on me. I’m sorry for… lying. I know I never do, I promise I wouldn’t, but I thought I had to. You… you don’t know what you’re doing to me, Eddie. I… I love you… I want forever with you. More than friends. But… I’m so scared. I’m scared I’ll fuck up. I’m scared of all the shit that could happen. I… I hate feeling like this…” 

She paused as her voice broke into sobs, her body shaking. Tears fell down her face without a care. 

“I don’t do love. Never did. Not a big fan of it. But you? You make me a hopeless romantic. You make me feel weak, pathetic, so easy to target. It’s so fuckin’ stupid. But… I don’t want to stop feeling like this. Feeling so in love. So happy, being in love with you. Fuck, it hurts! It really does! I-”

She broke down in tears. And the moment she did, Eddie walked to her and smashed his lips against hers. She let out a noise of surprise, a yelp. But then it grew into soft cries. Both of them had always been secret crybabies. Whenever she cried, so did he. And he was. Tears fell down his face as he kissed her deeply. He slowly walked her back to the couch as small whimpers fell from his lips. He gently laid her down, a hand cradling the back of her head and his other resting on the small of her back. Her arms wrapped around his neck, hugging him tight and making sure he never let go of her. 

This is what they needed. This is what they wanted. This… this answered everything. Or at least most of it.

Actions spoke louder than words. His kisses, they spoke all the words she needed to know. He loved her just as much as she loved him, he needed her just as badly. He was obsessed with her. And he knew she felt the exact same way. Their cries were in sync and their tears mixed together. Both of his hands moved up to cradle her face and to kiss her more deeper. Her hands did the same, making sure he never stopped kissing her. His thumbs wiped away her tears, she did the same. Her cries were louder than his, but they both were in pain. Both of them were upset. But… they were relieved.

They didn’t have to hide anymore. This kiss confirmed it. Finally, they could have each other. At first, their kisses were slow, deep, but so very tender. But the more they kissed, the more their blood rushed. The kisses grew sloppier, more needy, more desperate, more passionate. His tongue poked out and she let out a choked sob when she felt him lap at her lips, begging for entrance. Immediately she let him in, moaning softly when their tongues met in a slow dance they had seemed to know automatically.

His knee was between her legs and he slid his leg up, making her spread her legs wider. He pressed his body weight against hers but made sure to be careful. She was so precious, he had to be gentle. Their bodies went ablaze and their soft cries turned into desperate moans. His knee nudged against her sex gently, making her gasp. Her thighs wrapped around his knee, causing him to groan. God, her thighs were like marshmallows. 

After a few more kisses, he pulled away to breathe. His eyes fluttered open and so did hers. He pressed his forehead against hers and a small smile formed on his pretty face. “I love you so goddamn much, baby. I feel the exact same way, believe me. You make me crazy, sweetheart. I love you, always and forever, babygirl.” He spoke breathlessly against her lips. He kissed her a few more times, moaning softly as he did.

“I fuckin’ need you, sweetheart. Wanna show you how much I fuckin’ love you, baby. Please… let me love you. Let me love you, baby.” He whined against her mouth. He sounded so desperate, it made her pussy clench in response. Fuck, his voice was so pretty. A soft giggle fell from her lips and she smiled a bit against his lips. 

“Please, love me. You can love me. I need you too, bebé.” She cooed between kisses. He kissed her back and gasped at her words, whining again before he went back to making out with her. His face was flushed, goddamn he was as hard as a rock. Her face was on fire, her pussy purred as loud as a lioness. And with his dick pressed against her, he could feel it. Her body shook in desire and so did his. 

As he kissed her, his hands moved from her face down to her hips, fingers hooking on the waistband of her jeans. Then he slowly moved one hand to undo the belt she wore, tossing it to the ground once it was undone. Then he unbuttoned her jeans, zipping them down immediately. And in once swift motion both the panties she wore and her jeans were pulled down below her kneecaps. She moaned softly at the breeze of the air hitting her needy cunt, her hot wet folds cooling from the air. He broke away to look down at her, gasping softly and biting his bottom lip as a small whimper fell from his lips.

She was so, fat. In the best way possible. She was hairy too, rarely shaven. Her bush was a jungle gym he’d gladly go through. His breaking grew shakier and one of his trembling hands slid up her plush thighs, stopping right near her pussy. He looked up at her with approval and when she nodded with desperation, he moved his hand between her thighs. His index and middle finger teased her folds, causing a soft gasp from her. He pushed his fingers in slowly but not in her entrance. No, he wanted to feel her hairs tickling his fingers. He moaned when he felt the strands and his fingers rested on her clit. He felt it throb and buzz against his fingertips, which made him twitch in his jeans and throb with her.

“Fuck… you’re so wet… so beautiful…” he spoke breathlessly with a slight moan. 

Her eyes met with his, vulnerable and insecurity shown in her eyes. She… didn’t think he was into that. People made fun of her sometimes because she didn’t shave. She didn’t want to. She liked how she was. But Eddie? This was beauty. She was beauty. She was his own personal Aphrodite. His eyes met hers and his gaze softened.

“Baby, you’re beautiful. Fuck, I love this pussy. I’m just touchin’ it, and my mind’s a fuckin’ blur. All natural for me? Fuck,” he praised with a soft chuckle and a warm smile. He leaned his head down and pressed a few gentle kisses to her lips. “This is all I’ve ever wanted. Way fuckin’ better than I ever imagined. And I’m gonna show you, baby. Just how perfect you are. How you’ve always been.”

If she wasn’t wet already, she was for sure now. His praises were a weak point that made her clench more. She moaned softly at his words, eyes half-lidded and her brows a bit bunched together. Before she could response, his index and middle finger trapped the bundle of nerves, her clit fitting perfect between them. He moved his fingers up and down slowly, rolling the nub between his fingers and giving her a few squeezes. Her eyes rolled back and her hips bucked into his hand. “Fuck Eddie~” she moaned deeply. Who would’ve known he was good at this? Eddie Munson was a man full of surprises. 

He was so painfully hard and he was losing control. His eyes were so dark, pupils dilated. Those sweet innocent eyes not so innocent anymore. His eyes locked with hers, watching every expression she made. The way her brows bunched together, how kiss-swollen her plump lips were, how pretty her flushed face looked, and fuck, those moans. He was almost on the edge just watching her. Pre-cum leaked from his tip, soaking a wet patch on his boxers. And the patch only grew the more he rubbed her. He sped up slowly, up and down and side to side. Her back arched against him and more moans fell from her lips. Her heart pounded heavily in her chest, ringing in her ears. He leaned down to nip at her bottom lip gently.

“Oh Eddie~.. I’m so fuckin’ close~..” she moaned, hands gripping his biceps tightly. And that was his cue. 

He pulled his fingers away and put them between his lips, his eyes fluttering and rolling back at the taste of her, a deep moan falling from his lips. He didn’t want her coming yet, he wanted to feel her first. She watched him as he sucked on his fingers, his eyes locked on hers as he licked his fingers like they were his favorite lollipop. After a moment, he got off of her and stumbled his way to his backpack. He immediately opened it up and dug in there for a condom. He was prepared for this moment, which made her giggle.

“You always keep condoms on you?” She teased as he walked back to her. He gave her thigh a gentle smack as he crawled back on top of her, chuckling with her. “For you, I do.” He admitted. It was sweet, in a way. And it made her melt. 

“You’re so sweet to me…” she praised. He leaned down and gave her a deep kiss. “Always for you, babygirl. Always.” He whispered against her lips kissing her once more before pulling away. He shuffled his way to her calves and took her shoes off to take off her jeans and pants fully, tossing them on the ground. His hands trailed up her body, slipping under the tank top and jacket she wore. Her arms moved up and he immediately took them both off in one swift motion. His hands moved behind her, unclipping her bra and tossing it away. He took a moment to admire her now fully naked body, taking her all it. She was better than the chicks in the magazines, infinitely more better. She was more than perfect, and he promised to make her know that. 

His head dipped down to kiss her neck with wet open-mouth kisses, slowly making his way down to her collarbone, and down to her chest. Each kiss was a worship, a praise. Soft sighs fell from his lips, his hot breath causing her to shiver. His lips took one of her nipples, sucking and lapping at it gently. She moaned softly and arched up in response. Her hands dug in his hair, tugging gently on his curls. That triggered an animalistic groan to fall from his lips, the sound vibrating against her skin. It made her giggle and more turned on, if that was even possible. As he made out with her tit, his hands moved down her body and to his jeans. First his belt, then his shoes, then his jacket, then his shirt, then his jeans, and lastly his boxers. Immediately her hands moved down his back and one of her hands gripped one of the soft globes, causing a soft growl to fall from his lips. One of his hands moved back to her clit to give her more attention and pleasure. 

He rubbed her clit with both his fingers again but faster this time. His mouth pops off of her tit and he rips the condom open with his teeth and free hand. He spits the wrapper out of his mouth and with one hand, he rolls the condom on. Y/N hadn’t seen his cock yet till now, looking down at him and eyes widening. A choked moan falls from her lips and she smiled a bit. “Fuck Eddie…” she moaned breathlessly.

He was huge. Really huge. Thick and long. He was fucking hard too. His mushroom tip on fire and his balls were so heavy and full. Pre-cum dripped down his dick slowly. He was so ready. And she was intimidated. She was a virgin, so was Eddie. She didn’t know what to expect, so she was scared. Her breathing hitched a bit as she stared at his cock. His eyes met with hers, his expression turning soft and vulnerable. His fingers on her clit stilled.

“What?” He asked with those big puppy eyes of his, concerned and a little worried. She looked at his face and smiled a bit. “You’re huge.” She giggled a bit, looking back down at what was about to drill in her.

Eddie’s cheeks flushed a bright red and he looked down at himself and back up at her. “Too big?” He asked, almost nervously. He knew he was big, and he didn’t want to scare her off. She immediately shook her head and giggled once more. “No… I can take it.” She assured him. His eyes widened at her words. She can take him. That made electricity jolt through him. He looked back down at himself and leaned down, hovering his face above hers. “ I know you can take it, baby. Of course you can. You were made jus’ f’me…” he smiled, pressing his lips against her. She giggled once more and kissed him back. 

He slowly moved his fingers up and down on her clit for a moment before he pulled away and wrapped his hand around his cock, giving it a few strokes. He moaned deeply as he did, his pretty eyes fluttering at the sensation. He lowers his hips down more and teased her entrance with the head of his dick, both of them moaning in sync. Then he began to smack her clit gently with his dick, grunting softly as he did. She gasped and shut her eyes, breathy moans and laughs falling from her lips. Eddie smiled and hit at his bottom lip at the sounds of her soft laughs, and he laughed with. 

After a bit of teasing, he slowly moved the head back to her entrance. His eyes met hers. “Ready?” He asked. She nodded quickly, a whine falling from her lips. 

“Remember sweet girl, tell me if something goes wrong or anything. We’re not gonna rush this. Wanna take it slow,” he purred softly, his voice hushed. “Don’t wanna hurt my pretty girl. Can’t do that at all. Wanna love you so good, make you so fuckin’ happy…”

She nodded at his words and smiled a little. He was so sweet. He was so cute. It was so stupid, but in the best and most affectionate way possible. After he got the nod, he slowly began to push in. Both gasped in sync and moaned deeply. A soft hiss fell from her lips and her nails clawed at his back. His eyes were blown wide and he looked at her with worry from the hiss she let out. He stilled, only a few inches in.

“You good babygirl?” He asked, a hand moving up to cup her cheek. She leaned in his hand and nodded, a small whimper escaping. “You’re so big~..” she moaned softly with another soft hiss. He was splitting her in half. She swore he was. Not only has she never fucked before (not even used a toy), he was HUGE. I mean I guess like they say, go big or go home. And since she was already home, she was going big. Even if it hurt. 

Eddie let her take a few moments to relax and get used to the size. But it was so hard not to start losing control. She was so perfectly tight. Her bush sent shivers up his spine. He felt so, safe. So at home. So loved. He felt so needed and wanted, because he was. She squeezed him like her life depended on it and he couldn’t help but moan like a maniac. She felt too good. He felt his balls tighten painfully, begging to move. It was almost embarrassing, the way he was already close to coming. But he can try and wait, wait for her. 

After taking a few breaths, she gave Eddie a nod and he began to thrust all the way in, causing a whine to fall from her lips and a soft laugh. “Holy shit~” she laughed softly. Her laughs only sent him more on the edge, his laugh used with soft moans. “You’re so perfect, baby~ too damn perfect…” he moaned into her ear, panting heavily like he ran a couple miles. He didn’t know if he was gonna make it, she didn’t either. 

After letting her get used to all of him, he began to pull back before slamming back in, causing loud moans to fall from their lips. Eddie bit at her bare shoulder, hands gripping her hips tight. Her hands clawed at his back, spurring his arousal even more. He panted against her skin, tongue lolling out of instinct and lapping at her skin. He was dumbed out, and all he really did was touch her. He was a goddamn mess being inside her tight pussy. It made him lose control. Not a single thought ran through his head other than Y/N and the pussy of a Goddess. 

Y/N swore she was seeing stars. He was filling her up so fully. So perfectly. Some of the pain still lingered but it slowly turned into pleasure. Her hips bucked up against him, her back arched up high, her toes curled, and the back of her head buried in the couch. Both of them had been waiting for this moment, hence why they can’t even do anything without trying not to come undone right on the spot already. Eddie had even edged her, and that didn’t help at all. It made holding in so much worse.

He went again, pulling back before slamming back in gently. He did it quicker and quicker, but it was painfully slow. His hips were shaking, his grip on her hips pained her and left little bruises from his nails digging deep. Her marks on his back hurt too. But they were too in bliss to care. He thrusted in her faster and faster till he was fucking her fast. Not too fast, but it wasn’t slow anymore. Their moans were pornographic, filled with so much desire and lust. They were loud. The rickety couch shook under them. All they knew was curse words and each other’s names. Their eyes were rolled back, especially Eddie’s. His left hand farted to her clit, flicking it fast.

And that’s what did it.

Her body lifted up as she reached her orgasm, moaning deeply and loudly as she came heavily all over him. 

“Oh fuck Eddie! Oh my fuck! Oh my god Eddie~ holy shit~ fuck that feels so good~” she roared. And right after she came, so did he with a roar of his own, only able to repeat her name like a prayer. “Fuckfuckfuck holyshitholyshit- ohhhhhh Y/N baby~!” 

He filled up the condom with a heavy load, balls tightening a ton, making sure every drop was milked out. His thrusts began to slow down and soon come to a stop and he collapses on top of her. They pant softly and let out huffs and heavy breaths, letting them ride out their high. His cock softens in her. Her body relaxes under Eddie’s and lets her tense muscles loose. His face is buried in her neck and he places soft kisses skin. A smile forms on his lips and he lets out a soft chuckle.

“I love you so much. Can’t believe I’m yours now. Feels like a dream.” He mumbled against her neck. She smiled warmly and places a kiss to his neck. 

“Me either, but I’m glad it’s over. I’m sorry for the last two weeks.” She spoke softly. He lifted his head up, his eyes meeting hers in a soft gaze with nothing but love and admiration filled in those brown button eyes of his. “I understand, baby. But don’t scare me like that. You really freaked me out. Please, promise me to never push me away. I can’t take it.” 

She placed a kiss to his cheek, then his nose, then his eye, and then his lips. “I promise that I’ll never do that again. I freaked me out too. I just love you too much.” She spoke in a hushed voice against his lips before pulling away. He smiled warmly and cupped her face in his hands. “I love you too much, maybe even more. Who knows?” He joked, only halfway though. 

She laughed softly and nudged her nose against his. “Whatever makes you happy, Munson.” She teased. He nudged his nose back against hers and laughed with her. “Thanks, sweetheart.” 

“Anything for you, baby.”

Taglist: @ali-r3n, @iheartgrayson, @violetcamryn, @starr-finn, @lets-imagine-fanfics, @twihard08, @spranikes-bitch, @zestychili, @paradise-summertime, @party-snake, @wordsaresimple-imnot, @jamesthetrans, @chronicles-of-koystee, @irrelevantbutfabulous, @nightintern, @cowboylikesmunson 🖤 

Dividers

[mothinked]

Ellie scuffed a boot against the asphalt as she walked and replied to Abby with more docility than she'd shown before. More passivity, less caution but tentative of their fragile armistice. Offering Abby her full attention. "I'd believe you, if you told me," she said softly, just loud enough for her companions to catch. It was mostly mono-syllabic communication up until this point for the two women while she talked at length to Lev. Answering his questions to the best of her ability, even if they were more of a personal nature.

She was willing to entertain him and patient in showing him things he was unfamiliar with. Teaching was important, to pass on your knowledge and experience was invaluable. It was something she learned after leaving the Boston QZ and settling in Jackson for the first time. She had Joel to thank for learning so much. But also Dina and JJ as well. Meanwhile Tommy was the uncle she never had... Her last connection to Joel. She loved him and Maria like family, and they were her family.

Lev was Abby's family, there was no mistaking that.

Ellie found him to be well-mannered and kind, much like her son. Endearingly inquisitive, too. He covered Abby's weaknesses, helped draw her strength when she faltered and helped to ground her mentally. He was brave and compassionate in equal measure and Ellie told him once, unbidden, that she thought he would make a great leader. That the world needed more men like him. The way he shyly dipped his head and smiled was enough to make her day. Ellie knew she wouldn't have lasted this long being alone with Abby and so she was grateful that he came along for the journey.

Ellie noticed a lot about these two. And she doubted he would have let Abby do this on her own regardless. Nah, not this kid with his unwavering determination and stares that could make even two very headstrong women like them listen and relent, however begrudgingly. Abby needed him, that much Ellie knew beyond the shadow of a doubt. Nothing was able to tear these two apart.

Perhaps to make her first real effort to have Abby open up to her or to fill the quiet, Ellie began enumerating some fucked up shit she had experienced. "Came across a group of cannibals when I was fifteen." It was said with a nonchalant shrug. She'd lived through much worse in the years since. "Then a couple of years back, there was this other group I came across. Near Colorado Springs... I think? This man and woman saw me come out of a building filled with spores—" Here, she chuckled humorlessly. "—no mask. They saw how I wasn't showing signs of infection so naturally, they were curious. Shocked. I went with them to their camp when they offered me food."

"Yeah, I knew it was stupid but I hadn't caught any animals in days. They started acting.... really fucking weird in the next day or two and before I could get out of there, the man... their leader, I suppose, gathers his people in some kind of cult circle and draws a knife on me." Ellie added imagery to the story by holding out her switchblade, her eyes going from Lev to Abby as she lowered her voice and adopted a gruffer tone. "He said, 'We want your blood'. Like he was asking for me to give him the last piece of jerky or something. So I let them see their own blood instead... but then the woman got the others to grab me. They sliced my hand open."

She could still see the line of faded scar tissue on the palm of her left hand. Barely there but a souvenir of this unsettling encounter nevertheless. Ellie's switchblade was tucked away into the back pocket of her jeans before she continued. "They thought drinking my blood would make them immune. I'm sure they would have tried to eat me or worse if I hadn't gotten away. And I couldn't let them follow me either."

The rest of the tale was fill-in-the-blanks. She was quiet for a moment, staring off at nothing in particular as they walked, pensive. "I don't know if it would have even worked. My blood could be different though." She made eye contact with Abby, green seizing blue—like the earth meeting the sky. "Guess we'll find out soon enough." This brokered agreement was why they put aside their history and in spite of said history, they were choosing to co-exist without the threat of violence against each other.

Could she say she still hated Abby with every fiber of her being? The answer was no, she didn't. The hate and the wrath that came with it was gone. Did Abby feel that it wasn't there anymore? If she were to ask, there would be no point in lying. Ellie wasn't willing to choke on her own blood before she'd swallow her pride... Not anymore. Not over this. Abby had her own reasons for being the one to talk Ellie into the whole thing. In truth, Ellie wasn't so sure she would have trusted the Fireflies had they brought others to find her.

She, too, had her reasons, ones that didn't involve helping make a cure. To right her wrongs... To understand the woman who changed everything. Things she couldn't entirely made sense of let alone admit out loud.

Did the Firefly leader pick Abby because of her history with Ellie or did she volunteer beforehand while suggesting they continue Jerry's legacy? Ellie stored that question away for later.

She still wanted to make her immunity mean something, even if that also meant she was betraying Joel's and Jesse's memory in having her peace with Abby. The Fireflies could take her blood, run their tests and ask their questions. But they couldn't have her life—this was something she could not give up while she still had the people who loved her.

"So, what's this thing I wouldn't believe?"

Such a dismissive reaction to the offer of leading them didn’t come as any surprise to Abby. Sure whatever was right. The idea still didn’t thrill her but it was either try to navigate blind or leave it to someone who knew the area better than the two of them. The choice seemed simple enough, even if neither of them were a fan of the idea. She manages to contain an eye roll which is impressive. Lev could at least be proud that she was trying to somewhat come off as reasonable at that moment in time. A quick look in his direction and a nod in return is the reassurance she needs that everything is going to be okay. With such a fucked up history, his was the only judgment she could trust at this point and as long as he continued to trust Ellie, Abby would be forced to do the same. Even if it went against every single instinct in her body. She would be ready at a moments notice though to spring into action if needed. The remnants of the violence Ellie was capable of were scattered about her skin, visible on sleeveless, suntanned arms. No reason had been given on this trip to keep her guard up but she certainly wouldn’t be letting it down around her.

The two of them watch as she hops up onto the roof of the car and their gaze falls into the direction she’s looking at. Mention of a horde makes her tense up, her jaw locking into place. It’s less than ideal, even with the alleged distance between them and infected. Abby had encountered her fair share of infected groups but in terms of numbers, nothing had quite outdone those that had chased her through the snowy Jackson mountains. A horde that nearly killed her if it hadn’t been for… No. She shakes the memory out of her head and forces herself to lock in on the task at hand. “I’ve seen shit you wouldn’t believe,” she states calmly and looks in the direction of the other woman. There’s no sarcasm in her statement. No smugness. Maybe the slightest hint of fear in the way it comes out. No matter how hard she tried, that fucking abomination in the basement of the hospital had not been forgotten. The fact that something like that could exist was one of the things that brought her genuine terror. Making it out of Seattle was an accomplishment but making it out of that place was a miracle unlike any other.

Her focused is back on the land and she takes the binoculars as they’re offered to her with no hesitation. Ellie is right. Definitely a horde and thankfully a solid distance away from them. Not enough for her liking. She scans the surrounding area more before taking one final look at the horde. The faster they can depart, the better. At least they seem to be on the same page with that sentiment. “C'mon,” Abby mumbles to Lev who also takes a look through the binoculars. “I don’t want to stay to find out what kind of shit might be out there.” He’d heard the story of the hospital before and knew better than to question it.

She doesn’t even notice the slower pace and finds herself walking ahead until Lev calls out her name and she glances over her shoulder at the both of them. Too many recollections from her past have her in a momentary fog and the snapback to reality is all it takes for her to lock back in and nod. “We can boil some water for reserve, cool off. I’ll get things going for the night if the two of you want to have a look around.”

[k0mmari]

Got any writing tips?

Honestly I could go on forever about all the ways you can improve your own writing, but I'll try to keep it to the things that help me the most

Slight disclaimer: Everything I'll say is in the context of writing with the intent of having an audience read it. Writing for yourself with no intentions of showing it off to anyone is completely free game.

Slight disclaimer 2: I am in no way a professional writer and what works for me might not work for you. Writing is a skill and it comes with a whole lot of trial and error; don't be afraid of failure, or making something bad! We're in a constant journey of figuring things out, and everyone has their own time.

With that said, let's get started!

1- Starting a story

Sometimes the hardest part is the beginning, and as we all know, it can get overwhelming staring at a blank page. Let's say you have the beginning of an idea, but when you sit and think about it, you're not sure where you want to go with it; then let's start simple!

I like to start out with what type of themes I want to explore with the story; do I want to explore familial relationships? Romance? Trauma? How these characters react to external problems? Treat it like your own little research, and ask yourself what you would like your story to be in the vaguest sense possible.

Example: A story about how people deal with grief in different ways, and how that effects their relationships with others, with found family and a bit of dry humor sprinkled in.

If you're struggling in that front, prompts could help you a lot! There's a lot of free-to-claim story prompts floating around, so picking one or three, smash them together, and see what happens from there!

2- Steal like an Artist

When I first started out drawing (and eventually writing), I saw the phrase 'steal like an artist' thrown around a lot, but I never really made sense of it, but I'm here to make it simpler for you now!

Going back to the prompts idea, when struggling to form a story, you can always steal from other stories! Obviously, not literally steal the whole script from a movie and change the names, but pick and choose your favorite things from the media you like.

Grab a scene from your favorite movie. A bit of the character design from your 3 favorite game characters. Get the beginning of the backstory of your favorite book protagonist. Eventually, it'll be like second nature to look at a piece of media and go 'hey, I could do something with that!', and when you smush them all together, you now have your own story in your hands!

Don't worry about originality. It's true when people say that 'nothing is original anymore', but don't take that to mean that nothing can be unique anymore! Let's say, from when you were stealing like an artist, you decided to grab the structure of Alice In Wonderland! Great, but that idea's been sooooooo overused by now, what do I do to make it original?

Well, I don't know how to make it original, but what if I mixed it with Dracula and a bit of Interview With A Vampire, and made it in a modern setting with secret societies of vampires going around? I also think mafia stories are very fun, so why not make it that the vampire hunters are like mafia families, and the Queen of Hearts was one of the bosses? Oh, and to top it off, I really like found families, so why not make Alice the Queen of Hearts daughter that she's trying to protect from the world of vampires!

Boom! Is it original? Not one bit, but it's unique, it's your interpretation of a story, a genre and its characters, and that makes it worth telling too!

3- During the writing process

Great, you have your the idea of your story! You have ideas for the main characters and maybe even a shaky timeline of events in the beginning, middle and end.

You... You do have a timeline of events, don't you?

When writing a story, no matter how long or short I want it to be, I like to begin by making a timeline of all the important parts I NEED to have it in there. The story is guaranteed to change while you're writing it, so having a plan to fall back on can help you from not straying too far from the main idea.

Not to say that you aren't allowed to change anything after you wrote your timeline, but I can keep you grounded on those initial themes that you want to talk about. It's normal to get excited and loose yourself in the characters, but before you know it, your horror thriller suddenly changed into a cheesy romcom and you don't want to delete your 20 pages worth of progress.

Create as many timelines as you need! Make a timeline for your general story, your character arcs, your fighting scenes, everything! Keep it as simple as possible in the beginning to avoid focusing too much on the details– having a clearer idea of the whole narrative will also help you when you get stuck trying to figure out how to transition from Event 1 to Event 2.

Personal Suggestion- Dialogue

This is the most personal 'tip' here yet, and it genuinely depends on what type of story you're writing, but I find that learning how to write natural-ish sounding dialogue is one of the most important things a writer can learn.

It's a skill on its own! Dialogue can carry a lot of weight in your story. It can give the reader a more personal idea of the characters, their feelings and the atmosphere of any given scene, and making it feel natural while also having the characters expose information you need for a story can be quite the juggling act.

Copy from your favorite books, shows, and games! Games I think are the best way to get started in my opinion, as I find it to be in the perfect middle ground between 'book dialogue' and 'movie dialogue'; so pick a game where you really like how the characters speak and try to dissect what exactly makes you like their dialogue.

Another thing to be mindful of is punctuation! Punctuation signifies pauses for your reader, and dialogue can change its feel drastically depending on the punctuation you use in it. Let's take an example:

"I don't know."

"I... Don't know."

"I. Don't. Know!"

The dialogue is the same, but the way you imagine a character saying it drastically changes from one option to the other, so be mindful and take just a little bit more in figuring out how your character feels in any particular scene, and how their speech would be affected by that.

Just to compliment that last part, don't be afraid to break up your dialogue if needed! This is writing we're talking about, it's not everyday you have the luxury of visuals accompanying your story, so describe your characters' actions! Example:

(Person A walks into the room, smiling with their hands in their pockets.

" Hey guys! How are we doing?")

(Person A walks into the room, smiling with their hands in their pockets.

"Hey guys!" They walk to the sofa, sitting down with a huff as they put their legs on the coffee table. They take out a gum packet from their pocket and offer it to the rest of the group. "How are we doing?")

Again, it sets two wildly different scenes, and the second example gives a much clearer picture of the character's movements across the space. Of course, you can always take advantage of your readers not being sure of what the character is doing while talking for reveals and tense situations – it all comes down to what tone you want to set for the scene.

[hoonieyun]

decisions must be made

welcome to, "is he mr. right?", the dating game! where a lucky girl who is looking for love has the opportunity to go on a date with four handsome and eager bachelor's who are also looking for love.

this is an interactive dating show au where the readers can vote on "yn's" decisions, ultimately leading to who she will be with at the end... but more on that later!

heeseung 𐐪♡𐑂 jongseong 𐐪♡𐑂 jaeyun 𐐪♡𐑂 sunghoon

warnings: some profanity but not much i don't think! pls lmk if i need to add any, 18+ and not proofread hehe

wc: 6583

episode seven: decisions must be made

“wow! we’re merely just a few days away from our dove, yn, choosing her mr. right.” the love magician smiles into the camera as she addresses viewers at home and those in the studio for live filming. 

today would mark the second to last episode of your season and the closer it gets to the finale, the harder it becomes to choose who you’d like to be your mr. right. granted, it wasn’t like anything had to be official after the season ended, but you did come here to find love so you’d hope it would be something you got by the end of it. 

“alright, before we introduce our dove and the bachelor’s we’ve got a special treat for all of you. this season has brought on the best moments that have gone viral on the internet! we’ve also reached a new level of viewership– wow! you guys love this cast because our views increased by 86% in comparison from the last season. 

sorry to the people of last season..” she says sheepishly with a small grin. 

“as a special gift, we’ve compiled some moments from each date that didn’t make the final cut. this way, you all can see more about each date and bachelor so that when the live voting begins, you can have more information to sway your decision.” 

the crowd cheers at the news, all the while the staff is setting up the stage to display the never before seen clips, the love magician moves to the side and allows the audience to take it all in. the lights get low and in just a few seconds, jake appears on the screen; showing a scene from your date that they didn’t air. 

-`♡´- 

the camera man follows you two as you walk through the amusement park, you have two stuffed animals in your arms and jake is snacking on some cotton candy. “hmm?” he hums as he offers you some of his sweet and sugary floss, you nod in response and open your mouth slightly as jake pulls a piece off of the pink and blue fluff and gently places it in your mouth. 

it instantly melts inside your mouth and the simple moment melts your heart as it brings you back to the several times jake used to feed you when you were dating. “yn! look!” jake says, wide eyed and smiles even wider as he points and runs to a different game. 

you laugh at his excited demeanor and follow him to wherever he had run off to. come to find him handing the staff in charge of the game some money so he could play; the game was something simple– pop all of the balloons with only 3 tries, if you achieve this then you get awarded a large stuffed animal of your choice. 

jake was always really good at all of these types of things, carnival games, crane games, whatever it was; he was good at it. it reminded you of when you were on a date with jake at an arcade and the staff had to ask you all to stop playing the crane game because jake had won 7 plushies from one machine. 

“watch and learn, princess. i’ll get you one of the big ones.” jake says, bragging and not even realizing that he just called you the nickname he always did when you were dating. you watch him with a small smile, one that you try to hide with one of the large plushies in your arms; you can’t lie… jake looked insanely cute and those feelings you felt during your first date were all starting to return. 

just as expected, jake wins the game much to the staff member’s disappointment. jake looks at you with a large smile as he waves you to come closer, “which one do you want?” he asks but before you can even choose a small boy gets your attention. you watch him shrug and drop his head low as he slouches– saddened because he didn’t win. 

you nudge jake who was intensely looking at the variety of plushies, bottom lip jutting out as you get his attention– pointing him to the little boy. jake’s expression softens instantly and you both have an unspoken agreement. 

jake crouches down to the boy’s height and asks him which stuffed animal he wanted, “that one?” jake asks, confirming with the small boy and he nods shyly. jake politely asks the worker for the large golden retriever stuffed animal. he takes it into his arms and crouches back down to the boy and hands it to him; the stuffed animal being almost twice the boy’s size. 

“really?” he asks, bright eyed and now a smile on his face. 

jake nods, “yeah, you earned it, bud.” he says, patting the boys head and slightly ruffling it. 

“thank you, mister! mom! look!” the boy says, running off to his mom who watched him with a smile as her son runs with glee, the giant plushie bouncing in his small arms. 

the moment is tender in your heart and it instantly makes you forget about all of the nerves you had having to go on a date with your ex on television. 

-`♡´- 

the camera cuts briefly and returns, now showing you and jay sitting with one another; his guitar in your arms as he gently wraps his around you. 

“like this?” you ask, fingers awkwardly fidgeting with the strings. 

jay smiles to himself as he continues to guide you, “almost..” he mutters close to your ear. goosebumps rising on your neck from the feeling of his breath but also the closeness in proximity that you were both in. 

his hands are soft and gentle and you can’t help but melt into the warmth radiating off of him; you look up at jay as he’s focused on your fingers, taking the moment to admire his features– “do i have something on my face?” jay says, suddenly turning to look at you and catching your gaze. 

you stutter a small no before turning away, hoping that the heat rising to your cheeks went unnoticed by jay. 

it doesn’t. 

jay continues to show you how to play some of the guitar, occasionally complimenting him and thanking him. 

“okay, show me what i taught you.” jay says, pulling himself away from you to watch and although he doesn’t want to move away; he must so he can fully enjoy the view of you playing his guitar. 

you place your fingers on the correct frets and strings, looking up at jay through your lashes for approval and jay sends you a warm smile and nods. the smile melts your heart and you almost forget that you were supposed to play the guitar for a moment. you clear your throat before strumming the guitar– a beautiful humming sound emerges from the instrument and although you accidentally move to an incorrect chord, jay’s smile doesn’t falter once as he watches you play. 

it felt so intimate for jay to watch you play his guitar because that guitar was like his baby, he didn’t even let his parents or best friends play it, but seeing you with his guitar just looked like it was meant to be. 

“how was that?” you ask as you finish playing, biting your bottom lip as you wait for his response. 

“you’re perfect..” he breathes out, not realizing that he commented on you instead of how well you played the guitar. 

-`♡´- 

like clockwork, when the scene ends the other soon starts after. sunghoon is gliding around the ice gracefully as he holds your hand– slightly afraid that you might fall over. 

“sunghoon, i’m literally going to die!!” you say dramatically as your eyes are glued to the floor, afraid that you’ll eventually be coming in contact with it. sunghoon gently glides the two of you from the center of the ice to the edges so you’re able to hold onto the railing. 

“can you like– i don’t know.. just show me some cool tricks while i catch my breath. i feel like i’m going to faint.” you breathe out, an exhausted but exaggerated expression on your face. 

“fine. fine.. but don’t worry– if you faint, i’ll catch you.” sunghoon assures you with a warm smile, opposite of the cold air surrounding you both. you look away as his gaze was too intense, making you blush shyly. 

sunghoon eventually skates just a few feet away to show you some tricks, a triple axel, a leap, anything he could do to impress you– but in all honesty, just being able to skate and not trip or fall was impressive enough. he had such a natural talent for this that you couldn’t help but feel honored to watch him in his craft. 

you admired sunghoon’s grace and beauty as he skated across the ice. it was a magical sight, the ice breaking creating small particles that seemed to float and follow him like there were whimsical fragments of light as if was the prince in a fairytale. 

he wasn’t far from it. 

sunghoon looked over to you any time he did something special, after his triple axel; his eyes went to you to see your reaction. a leap across the ice? his eyes were watching you the whole time, a sense of confidence surrounding him like he didn’t even need to watch where he was going to know that he’d land perfectly. 

it wasn’t until he was coming back to you that his graceful and magical demeanor ended. sunghoon had found himself all the way on the other end of the ice rink so he skated back to you, a smile on his face as he looked at you cheering and applauding him and before he knew it, his eyes were suddenly staring at the ceiling several yards above him and his back was now flat on the ice. 

a gasp escapes your lips as you watch sunghoon trip and fall, a surge of energy shoots through your body and your previous inability to skate by yourself further than a few feet has long gone as you sped over to him but your ice skating abilities catch up to you and just as you’re about to crouch down and ask if sunghoon was okay, your legs become animated like a cartoon character– going back and forth as you try to fight for balance and eventually land on the ice, bottom first. 

it was quite embarrassing but because you and sunghoon had practically fallen next to each other, the two of you couldn’t do anything but laugh as you both sat on the ice. 

“that was…” you start, your nose and cheeks a bright shade of pink. 

“cute..” sunghoon finishes, standing up on his skates with no problem as he picks you up off the ice. your hand in his feels comfortable, familiar even, and your eyes lock and time seems to slow down the longer the two of you stare into each other’s eyes. 

all the while, the camera zooms in on sunghoon’s eyes trailing from your eyes, down your nose, and stopping at your lips. 

-`♡´- 

it was early on in your date with heeseung, the clip they were currently showing, the sun was just beginning to set as it paints the atmosphere in beautiful warm tones of pink and orange. you wished that you could see a sunset like this every night but because you knew you couldn’t you wanted to bask in all of it’s beauty. taking it in, letting your eyes shut for a moment as the light breeze sweeps across your face. 

until a shriek breaks you out of the serenity you were swimming in, heeseung frantically flailing his arms around like he was one of the inflatable balloon people at a car dealership. 

“what’s wrong! are you okay??” you ask, eyes wide with worry. 

“bee!!” heeseung shouts and your vision narrows on the tiny insect currently tormenting your date. you couldn’t help but laugh to yourself at heeseung’s cute expression and actions. he was much taller than you but right now it was like the bee was three times his size as he hunches over, eyes shut and lips pursed, while he swats his hands haphazardly in hopes of getting rid of the annoying bug. 

you take it upon yourself to save him and in one quick moment, you swat the bee with minimal effort and it seems to just fly away– no longer finding interest in heeseung. 

“hee– heeseung! it’s gone.” you say, trying to get his attention while he was still panicked. 

heeseung peeks one of his eyes open and when he doesn’t see or hear the bee anymore, he opens them both and straightens himself out– acting as if nothing had happened. heeseung clears his throat and tousled his hair before speaking, “lets act like that didn’t happen..” he says but you can’t help but laugh, to which heeseung pouts. 

“hey..” he says in a sulky tone. 

“don’t worry, heeseung. your knight in shining armor is here.” you say, placing your right hand over your chest like a noble knight, earning a laugh from heeseung and eventually you as the two of you talk about how silly he must’ve looked– heeseung trying– and failing, to defend himself. 

“hey… what can i say i’m sweet like honey.” he says, playing it off coolly in a nonchalant manner as if he wasn’t just panicking like a small child. his remark was corny but you still find yourself swooning and laughing at him but not before a playful eye roll. 

-`♡´- 

after the clip with heeseung ends, the audience are roaring with laughter and applause as the lights slowly turn back on in the studio with the love magician taking her place on stage just as the camera’s are about to pan in on her. 

“aww– aren’t our little lovebirds cute!” she begins. 

“i don’t about you guys but i think our little yn has a big decision on her hands but i do know this! she is lucky to choose any of these guys and the guys are even luckier if she chooses them. 

i hope you all enjoyed those never before seen clips!” 

the audience roars in applause and cheer once again, it was so loud you could hear it from your dressing room. 

“speaking of our lovebirds, let’s bring them out!

he’s the ice prince of this season, mixing his striking features, his olympic level figuring skating abilities, and a transformation from shy boy to cool guy; everyone please cheer for sunghoon!” 

the crowd cheers for sunghoon as he steps from behind the sugar wall. he flashes his bright smile and waves back to the crowd and takes a spot next to the love magician. 

“sunghoon, how are you feeling?” she asks. 

“i’m thrilled, thank you for the introduction by the way.” he says, giving her a small wink. “i’m glad to be known as the cool guy now.” sunghoon adds, lightly brushing his hand through his hair. 

“i mean, you are very cool– just look at this outfit!” 

the stylists had done a really great job of creating an ensemble of outfits that look cohesive but not identical. sunghoon was wearing a stylish black adidas track jacket over a baby blue button up with matching black tie and slacks. he looked effortlessly cool in his outfit that combines the best parts of a strong athletic guy with classic influences. 

“thank you! you know our stylists work really hard to make us look good– i just so happen to make it easy to look really good.” he jokes, surprising the host and audience by his remark as they all swoon for this “cool guy” persona he was putting on. 

“up next! we’ve got a first of the season. this sweet boy brought a shock as being the ex of our very own dove. he’s got a silky smooth australian accent that makes us all swoon paired with irresistible puppy eyes. please give a warm welcome to jake!”

jake’s smile was bright enough to outshine all of the studio lights as he waved and approached the host, giving her a small bow and hug. the crowd adored jake and were rooting for him especially after hearing the story about your history with each other. 

he places his hand over his chest with a pout at the overwhelming cheers of the crowd when he appeared. he claps his hand together, thanking the audience for their support. “jake! my, oh my! how are you?” 

“i’m great.” he says, australian accent charming as ever.  “the crowd is so welcoming and nice, it feels so good. thank you everyone, really!” he adds. 

the crowd cheers again, seemingly in love with jake no matter what he did. 

“you feel great and look even better!” she compliments him and jake blushes momentarily. 

he was wearing a leather biker jacket with black, white, and blue details. a white cloudy hoodie underneath that makes him look equally stylish and cuddly as the large hoodie swallows him up like it was a soft blanket. 

jake had the ability to make anything he wears look cute and cool, an effortless talent. 

“now, this next bachelor surprised us all with his honey-like vocals and incredible talent for the guitar. he’s got a strong aura but is a softie at heart; the very first bachelor of this season who set the tone and gave the rest of the guys big shoes to fill– put your hands together for jay!”

jay saunters over to the host with a gravitating aura surrounding him. no matter who was around him, it was inevitable that all eyes would be on him at some point. his looked handsome as ever he subtly shows off his sharp features, eyes that pierces through the soul, lips ever so plump, and sculpted jaw on display. 

“wow, jay! you’re looking good, how are you feeling, excited?” 

“very! you know this experience was extremely exciting and i’m a bit sad it’s coming to an end soon.” 

the crowd coos at his response, all eyes on him as he continues his conversation with the host. 

“you look handsome by the way, i mean you always do– all of our bachelor’s do, don’t you guys think?” the love magician says, hyping up the crowd. 

jay thanks her for the compliment and briefly straightens out his coat. 

he was wearing an all black outfit that outlined his body in the best way possible; highlighting his broad shoulders and strong stature. jay had this ability of drawing attention no matter where he went, the astounding energy in this room proves that. 

“i’m so happy to be here, thank you for having me.” he says, flashing his smile with his cute dimple before taking a seat next to the two other bachelor’s. 

“our last bachelor showed us that coming in last doesn’t matter when you have charisma and charm. his thoughtful and beautiful date with our dove made us swoon, laugh, and fall in love with him– he’s red hot with fiery hair and a killer smile; let’s give a warm welcome to heeseung! 

the applause for heeseung was so loud he’s briefly startled, eyes wide and lips in a small pout as he reacts to all of the cheers for him. people in the crowd going as far as barking at him, to which he shyly laughs at– covering his face with a chuckle. 

“heeseung! welcome! how do you do?” 

“i’m so good! you know i think i heard some barking– i’m not completely sure what it means but i’ll take it.” he responds, smiling at the host and the crowd. his smile was bright but eyes brighter as he took it all in. heeseung knew he came off a bit standoff-ish during the second episode so he worked extra hard to redeem himself to show that he wasn’t actually like that. 

“now… heeseung– don’t be alarmed but there’s a bee!” the host teases and heeseung pretends to be scared, hiding behind the host as a joke, garnering laughs from everyone in the room including the three bachelor’s behind him. 

heeseung’s outfit was a mixture of streetwear and grunge with modern elements of classicware– he looked like he had just stepped out of a magazine with the way he effortlessly modeled the clothes. 

the host thanks him for his time and he cutely trots over to his seat next to the rest of the guys. 

“now, i know these guys are all handsome and cute but let’s be real– we’ve all been waiting for this very special girl. she needs no introduction as she’s been an all time favorite across the internet, you know her as the sweet girl who wears her heart on her sleeve and spreads love everywhere she goes– please give a huge round of applause for our dove: YN!” 

at this point, nerves barely existed for you anymore as you grew more and more comfortable on the stage and in front of the crowd and audience. 

their cheers however, was something you could never get used to. 

your smile warmed the room as you walked from behind the sugar wall, dress bouncing with each step and hair flowing behind you. everyone in the audience had their eyes on you but all you could feel was the gaze of the four boys as you walked by them. 

jake seemingly looks like he was seeing you again for the first time, deja vu of love at first sight. 

heeseung cheers and hollers for you, clapping as loud as he can. 

sunghoon smiles at you the way he smiles at everything he adores and loves, eyes crinkling. 

and jay had his eyes glue on you from the moment you appeared, eyes trailing your figure up and down; bottom lip shortly caught in between his teeth that certainly doesn’t go unnoticed by the cameras. 

“my god, yn.. you look stunning– i mean.. just wow!” 

“thank you, you know i try to look my best because i know you’re gonna be here.” you say, playfully flirting with her. “oh stop… no– keep going.” 

the audience laughs at your little banter, all the while you could still feel the gaze of the boys behind you like their vision was shooting heat lasers into your back. you quickly look back at all of them with a small smile and they all look away as if they had just got caught doing something they shouldn’t. 

your dress was one of your favorites that you had worn all season long. you didn’t really know how to describe it because it combined so many styles of fashion and blended them in ways that made you feel so confident and beautiful in a way that you hadn’t felt prior. you had an off the shoulder sleeve made up of a blue gingham button up but the rest of the dress bloomed at your hips with a corset taking you in at the waist. 

the outfit was constructed so well and you couldn’t thank the stylists enough. you take a seat in the final chair on the lineup as the love magician addresses the audience and explains what the next portion of the episode would be about. all eyes were on the host as she went into the next segment. 

“alright, folks. this part of the episode will feature our audience question and answer! we’ve asked you all to submit some questions from our live studio audience and those at home and we’ve hand selected a few to ask our lovebirds.” 

she goes on to say that they’ve selected one question for each of you and that she’d be starting with you, your eyes widen at her statement but you nod and smile nonetheless. 

“yn, what was the best part of each date?” 

you ponder on your response as the crowd erupts with an “ooh” as they hear the question. the events of each date replay in your mind and you smile to yourself as you recall everything, the audience and the love magician get excited for your response as they watch you.  “i think each date was really nice and it truly made me happy how each of them put so much effort into each one. each date was so special so it’s really hard to choose the best  part but i think from first date to the last date:  the best part of the date with jay was watching him talk about his love for playing guitar and cooking. i think it’s such a simple conversation between us but the way he had so much passion for these things warmed my heart because i could tell how much it meant to him and it felt really endearing that he shared those types of things with me on that date when he made me a song and taught me some of it on the guitar and even chose a restaurant that he knew i’d enjoy even though he didn’t know a lot about me.  for my date with jake,i think shocking would be a good word to describe it because i really wasn’t expecting to see him. the best part of the date was going on the ferris wheel. i think the moment i shared with jake up there was really special because it made me forget that the cameras were there and it felt like it was just the two of us.  sunghoon’s date was really fun, falling on my ass was definitely hilarious but i’m glad to share that moment with him and with all of you– although i didn’t know they were going to air that moment! the best part is definitely going to be whenever sunghoon showed off a bit to impress me– i don’t know! i think i just really like it when a guy is confident in himself and can show that without coming off as cocky or aggressive in some way.  with heeseung, honestly, that date was really really good– it was a lot of something i had never done before, especially the lantern making. i know a picnic date is really simple but the way everything came together made it even more special and the lanterns were just so beautiful i think the best part was just watching heeseung make it because he was so determined to make it look beautiful for me.”  the crowd goes wild at your thoughtful response and all of the guys do their best to act like they weren’t falling deeper and deeper for you with every word that left your lips. 

“jay! how did it feel going first and do you think you left a strong enough impression?”

“going first is for sure a bit nerve-wracking but i was confident in myself that i had prepared a really exciting and special date for yn. everything i did had her in mind and i threw aspects of myself into it because i wanted to show her parts of me instead of just saying it.  i definitely think i left a strong impression because, this is exclusive news, i’ve heard several staff humming the song i wrote so i definitely think i left a great impression.”  you nod and laugh to the side in agreement, you’d be lying if you said that jay’s song hasn’t been stuck in your head since you first heard it.

“this one is for jake: how did it feel knowing she was your ex when you both saw each other and do you think your past will play a role in the results?” 

the question comes as surprise to jake as it does to you but he doesn’t let it show, the slightest change in his expression is only noticed by you.  “you know.. i came on this show for love– as we all did i think. but um, it was really surprising, for sure. we hadn’t seen each other in a while and it hit me really hard to see her but there was this warm feeling in my chest. before that i was really nervous to meet her but when i saw her and it was yn, my ex, the nerves were replaced with relief. i’m not sure why but yeah– i also think that our past and present doesn’t determine anything and i will respect yn’s choices in the end no matter what.” 

“for sunghoon, how did you overcome your shyness and do you think your shyness helped or hindered you on this show?” 

“i’m really not that shy, i think i was just a bit self preserved because the experience was new to me but i knew that i’d warm up eventually which is good because i got to show yn who i really was. honestly, i didn’t think i was being that shy during the question and answer but watching it back i definitely was a bit timid. maybe my shyness helped because i was able to show a new side of me to yn and im just happy to have impressed her and made her laugh so much.” 

“and finally, heeseung! how did it feel to go last and also have to change your date because someone already did what you wanted to do?” 

“haha, it wasn’t scary at all to go last. i think it was really nice because we kind of got to close out that portion of the show together, the sunset was so beautiful the cameras don’t do it justice. as for changing my date, i was pretty surprised that someone else had the idea of making a song which is really cool because music is really powerful– jay, your song was wonderful i’m glad you got to share it, man.” 

-`♡´- 

the crowd cheered for all of you responses, everyone falling in love with all of you with each answer but it only made it even harder for the viewers on who they wanted you to end up with. you were in deep thought whenever one of the guys answered their question, taking everything into consideration for your final decision. 

all of this was really fun but it was getting harder to focus as the reality of the show was getting closer and closer, after today, you were going to need to make a decision and choose one of the four guys as your “mr. right.” was the pressure getting to you, just a bit. 

but you weren’t going to let that prevent you from enjoying everything this show had to offer. 

-`♡´- 

the next portion of the episode was a quick round compatibility test between you and the boys, the host would rapid fire say announce an opinion of some sort and you’d have to state your opinion and see which of the boys share the same opinion. 

“okay, first one: mint chocolate ice cream, yes or no?”

all of the boys scrunched their faces when they heard the question but your face lit up, smiling at the words of your favorite ice cream. it was 1:4 when it came to your singular yes to mint chocolate and a no from each boy.  “looks like you’re the only one who likes mint chocolate ice cream, yn..”  your mouth falls open in shock, rolling your eyes at the boys and teasing them that they have bad taste in ice cream but at least they have good taste in something else, alluding that you were talking about yourself. the crowd loves your little remark and loves even more that you’re not afraid to banter with the boys. 

“looks or personality?” 

to which you all choose personality. “honestly, good question! that was a little test for you boys.” you added, laughing at their answers as the crowd joins in on the laughter. 

“is fighting healthy in a relationship?” 

the answer was two yes’ and three no’s. the crowd releases interjections of “oohs” and “aahs” when they see the answers. you and jake both had said no while all of the other boys said yes. the host doesn’t give you time to elaborate or explain your answers but you and jake both had a silent agreement on why your answers ended up the same.  your relationship with each other was beautiful and it was filled with happiness but you and jake just couldn’t come to an agreement on where your relationship was going. one wanted something and the other wanted something else– eventually ending in a breakup. 

“date night in or date night out?” 

everyone but heeseung chooses a date night in, to which he explains that, “what can i say, i like being about and about.” he says, shrugging with a small pout– puffing up his cheeks like a cute hamster. 

-`♡´-

“that concludes our rapid fire compatibility portion, out of the four boys, the one who matched the most answers with the ever so lovely, yn, is…”

she pauses for dramatic effect and a low drumroll emerges through the speakers of the studio, “with 3 matching answers… is jake!” the crowd cheers at her announcement and both you and jake have identical reactions when you hear her. 

you shyly cover your face and jake just bites his lip in response, tongue briefly slipping out of his mouth to moisten his lips. 

there was a mutual understanding between everyone on why jake out of all four boys happened to pass the compatability test. he was your ex after all. 

“as we go into the last section of today’s episode, here is your reminder that voting will end in 30 minutes meaning that the live voting for who you think should be mr. right will close and any votes after it closes will not count! remember… your vote doesn’t mean that the boy with the most votes will become mr. right– it merely just shows yn and everyone else on who you all think best suits our dove.

now, let’s get into our final segment before we announce who won the public vote.” 

she goes onto to explain that the last segment will be fairly short as all of the boys will “plead their case” hence, explain to you in a short answer on why they should be your mr. right. when you said the nerves had left your body because you were enjoying the show, you weren’t lying, but right now; the nerves have definitely come back.

“okay, boys– please stand next time and we’ll go down the line and have each of you explain why you should be yn’s mr. right.” 

jay: yn, thank you for the time we’ve shared together. i’m your mr. right because i’m a caring person and i’ve shown that to you in the short amount of time we’ve had together. i’ll only go on into the future to show you how much i will care for you, i’ll follow you to the edges of the earth and i’ll be your biggest support in anything you do.

jake: yn, we have a long history together and i think this moment has brought us back together because of fate. i’m your mr. right because reuniting with you after so long and finding each other again shows how strong our bond is– like the universe is giving us a sign and i’ll be the first to say that i want to rebuild our bond and grow stronger… together. 

sunghoon: hi yn, i know this is probably a lot for you so i just want you to know that any decision you make is the right decision and i think i can speak for all of us when i saw that we’ll all be happy with any decision. i’m your mr. right because i think we’re the most similar, being with you is so easy and whenever i’m with you i feel like i don’t have to be anyone but me. you make me feel so comfortable and happy and i want to you to be able to feel the way you’ve made me feel. 

heeseung: being around you is like being with your best friend at all times and i think we’ll also be able to challenge each other to do new and scary things but as long as we’re by each other’s side then we’ll know everything will be alright. i'm your mr. right because we bring out the best in one another. 

all of their responses were so heartfelt and did not help you make any decision. it may sound crazy to say but you truly had a spot for each of these boys in your heart and it was going to be a tough decision to make until the very end. you even found yourself wiping a tear from your eyes as you listened to their answers– their well thought out responses melted your heart. 

“these boys really know how to make a girl feel special!” the host says. 

“now… voting has closed and i will now announce the ranking of each bachelor based on live voting on who you all think should be mr. right.” 

the crowd cheers and hypes up the anctipation as the boys take their spots next to you, two boys on each side of you as you wait for the results. you were barely paying any attention because all you could think about was the fact that you had to make a really important choice in the next 48 hours. 

“woah.. in last place we have two boys sharing the 3rd spot, with a 12% in voting is jake and jay!” the crowd cheers regardless of their placement in voting and the boys show their gratitude as they know the voting is the personal opinion of viewers and in all honesty, they valued your opinion the most. 

“now our second and first place with 32% and 44%, respectively… in second place is sunghoon which means heeseung has gained the most votes when it comes to who the public thinks should be mr. right!” 

heeseung is shocked at the news as he wasn’t sure if he was able to redeem this persona he had early on in the season but it seems he was able to win people over so it was good to know that he was first in voting, all he could think about, however, was if that was enough for you to choose him. 

sunghoon on the other hand hasn’t stopped smiling as he hears the results of his peers. he was genuinely happy to be there amongst them and even happier to have been able to share these moments with you. 

he wasn’t lying when he said he’d be happy regardless of your decision because all of this was truly special to him and he’d never forget any of it. 

“we’ll see you all next week when we announce the winner of this season where our lovely dove, yn, will decide who she chooses as her mr. right! say goodnight love birds!”

you all shout “goodnight lovebirds” in unison while waving to the audience and cameras, smiles on each of your faces except yours. you’re smiling, however, it doesn’t reach your eyes as your mind begins to do gymnastics on how you were going to come up with a decision. you thought that the voting would help in some way but it only made things harder as you go over the new information to consider. 

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hoonieyun notes: eee!! second to last chapter of my 1k special!! i can't believe it's almost over i've gained so much followers since then so thank you all so much TT thank you for voting on the poll from last week!! i know this chapter is somewhat of a filler chapter but it turned out pretty hefty lol but trust and believe i'll be working on the last chapter to make it extra juicy for you guys like they do it for real reality tv hehe also pls vote in the poll below i want to personally see who you think i've chosen as the winner!

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[eeksburner]

Sweet Sunshine

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Wife!Reader

(Note: I am yearning for summer. I miss California, my sweet home state.)

Tw: OOC Simon not wearing his mask when he normally would, not lore accurate

Not proofread

Simon bought a summer vacation home in California just for you, right near the coast

It's nothing crazy, a small cottage with a decent backyard that's only a few minutes away from anything a person could want

You guys rent it out whenever you aren't there, asking friends to check in on it to make sure it's not wrecked after people stay. It basically pays for itself, so you guys got lucky

When your plane lands, you can't wait to feel the sea water in the air and the sweet sunshine on your skin

Simon will opt for a tank top or T-shirt and shorts, no mask since he's so far away from anyone that would potentially identify him. The crowds of people at the beach and essentially everywhere else also give him a good sense of anonymity

He gets to be such a beautiful tan color by the end of your vacation, it's arguably the most attractive he is out of the whole year. The tan is good at highlighting all of his muscles and adding a few cute freckles here and there that you kiss away and are gone by fall

You wear sweet summer dresses that make Simon feel nothing but pure adoration, your hair done in cute waves or braids, cheeks kissed by the sun

Neither of you is complaining when you get to see the other in your bathing suits, ready to run into the cold Pacific water

Some afternoons are spent in the hammock in the backyard, lying lazily in the dappled sunlight, little bugs and birds flitting by, creating a beautiful ambiance

You insist on going to the best local grocery store that carries locally grown lemons, strawberries, and avocados. You make the best lemonades, desserts, and guacamole, just for Simon

On the days you get up early enough to see the sun rise, you bundle up in layers, the marine fog still lingering in some parts, and sit on the patio swing. Simon makes the two of you coffee, and you watch as the sky swims with shades of orange, pink, yellow, and blue, the stars fading away as the sun starts to shine

Some nights, you choose to stay out late, Simon loads up with firewood, and takes you to a secluded spot where you can have a private bonfire on the shore. You bring stuff to make s'mores and giggle when Simon drops his third marshmallow in the fire

Reading is a common pastime for you and Simon on vacation, setting out a large blanket on the grass in your backyard, watching as the blades sway and glisten with the wind and sun. Sometimes he reads to you, sometimes you to him. Most of the time, you read your own books, bodies touching in one way or another, until it gets too warm and you have to wipe your sweat off onto the blanket

Simon may not like roughhousing with his sweet little wife most of the time, but in the water, he's a whole different beast. You can try to run as fast as you can on the hot sand, but he'll catch up to you. You can kick and squeal as you watch him bring you closer and closer to the water, but nothing will stop him from jumping into the cold waves with you

Simon will take you shopping for a summer wardrobe weeks before you leave, giving you time to scope out any new designs or pieces you want to stock up on before you leave (Yes, he will wear matching swim shorts to your bathing suit)

Simon doesn't get his hair cut while on vacation, so his normally short hair will grow out just enough to make him have a boyish charm that he doesn't normally have, with streaks of naturally sun-bleached highlights

You guys shower together. Simon made sure he got a place that had a shower big enough for both of you. After a long day in the sun, it's nice to wash each other clean of the salt water and the sand, ending with a tired cuddle session in bed

Simon will get you any souvenir you want. Go to any event you want. Visit any beach you want. Go on any hike you want. His only request is that you're happy.

You, being the doting wife you are, make sure that Simon is wearing his sunscreen no matter what. He got burned one time when he insisted that walking around at the farmer's market wouldn't be enough to burn him. He was wrong. He flinches away when the cold sunscreen hits his warm back, but he doesn't complain. Sometimes you'll do it before he's expecting it, just to see the way his back bows away from the cold feeling and the little gasp he gives

It's a tradition to visit the Monterey Bay Aquarium. You take a few days to hang out in the surrounding towns and spend a full day there. Simon's favorite exhibit is the one that shows all of the bioluminescent creatures. He thinks they're cool. His second favorite thing to see is you and how entranced you get at seeing all of the glorious life California's ocean has to offer.

You make sure to take a lot of pictures of your gorgeous husband, and he does the same for you. Your phone camera, a professional camera, and a Polaroid camera, barely enough to encapsulate the beauty and love you both feel while being swallowed whole by the sun, stars, and sea that lie within the confines of California, and only California.

[rotzaprachim]

I’m on the fic writing path of making every major rebel leader we’ve yet seen - saw, Luthen, mon, bail - a messy fucking person who had done fucked things for the rebellion. (No I haven’t seen andor season 2 in entirety yet) like, one thing that’s been haunting me since my rewatch of a new hope is that bail is canonically an imperial collaborator. Yes he is a rebel yes he is the FOUNDER of the rebel alliance but all of that is in secret. On the Official Level leia is trying to play at the start of ANH, she and Bail are still members of the Imperial Senate and Alderaan is a “peaceful” planet, meaning they’ve put up no official resistance to the empire - he’s been lying about being an imperial for 19 years, lying in a way that very very few people could know the truth of. What was the fucking cost of it? How many pieces of both himself and Alderaan did bail sell so that the hope of an alliance could survive? I want him to be essential to the rebellion. I want him to have given the empire the keys to Alderaan and let them start carving it bit by bit.

and then vice versa, one of the most irritating fandom readings that I somehow bought into age 16 is that mon and bail are just some kind of spineless centrist liberals who dislike saw Guerrera and his methods no real reason… they’re literally leading an armed secret guerilla rebellion at that moment, and one of the people on screen at the time, Draven, clearly orders loads of people to be killed. I don’t think that the things saw did that made Mon and bail want to separate themselves were trivial, I think he and the partisans killed plenty of civilians or else lower level imperials who *could* have turned to the rebellion, and I think these actions probably had a real cost to the rebellion because they made the partisans unpopular among the locals wherever they were hiding out - because even if the partisans weren’t *those* men with guns, they were still, to the locals, men with guns. You can’t throw Molotov cocktails in tanks without shrapnel. I want him to have both fundamentally delayed the Death Star from being made for years because of how effective he was at stopping Kyber shipments, and I want him to have also quelled the rebellion on three different planets because the locals whose children were blown to pieces from his Molotovs refused to ever join an organization so brutal with so little regard for the lives of workers and the peasantry.

and mon. I’ve mentioned before on my rewatch but I want there to be dark fucking consequences for her decision to get involved with davos skuldoon, who is heavily implied to be a hardcore organized criminal in season 1 (and must be, to be a guy who has the potential to move the money around like that). The ISB and the empire don’t give a fuck about organized crime because hey at least it isn’t rebels, right? You know who does? The judiciary she has fought and sold off so many pieces of chandrila for to keep at least somewhat independent. The people of chandrila. The students. The unions. They give a fuck. Skuldoon offers to let her become part of his particular Family, and in exchange, well, their accounts are all in one book. It would be a shame for them both if that book was called into court in an effort to crack down on his dealings, wouldn’t it be? Now they’re family? So it’s mon who has to destroy the Chandrilan judiciary. It’s Mon who has to crack down internally on the anti-organized crime movement, and Mon who has to keep skuldoons money flowing, because it’s her money, because it’s the boat the rebellion has hitched itself too. It’s mon who has to turn the eye to skuldoon forcing farms and businesses in chandrila to pay him the little extra and to his trafficking in human beings to work fields and in the fact that on a smaller scale - a city of one or two million people, an island, an archipelago - his men are the men with guns, the ones who can make dissenters, well, disappear. She has the way to move money and arms and people, now. The rebellion can finally have its first base.

I just want there to in some ways be the kind of honor for these people that what they did was in every case so unimaginably fucked but at the moment no other obvious ways presented themselves … I want their decisions to be essential to the rebellion and yet also inhuman and brutal and even self defeating to the rebellion itself.

[jacksonekennedy]

It was nice to hear that Alice didn’t think time with Jack was a distraction. He felt the same way about her, even if other people in his life disagreed. There were a few members of his staff who didn’t think this interview was a good idea at all. They wanted Jack to lay low until the world moved on — but it’d been six months already, and no one had moved on. Or, it felt that way, sometimes. Every time that a shitty tabloid got ahold of new court documents from his divorce, the entire world knew about it.

It was exhausting.

Still, Jack smiled at Alice. It was nice to hear. He was juggling an armful of snacks in one hand, and a plastic trash bag in the other. The article was shaping out to be something different? Jack was curious. How could he not be curious? It was about him, after all. His career — maybe even his life — depended on whatever she decided to write.

“Oh,” Jack replied. “And I’m sure you’re not going to tell me what direction you’re going in…?” Jack raised a brow. He knew how these things worked. Or, he thought he did. And he didn’t mind, really. Jack went back and forth from wanting to be surprised at whatever she published to desperately needing to know.

Jack scooped up the last of the snacks. He walked over to the light switch, flipping it on fully. No more dim lights. No more romantic mood. And he was across the room from Alice now, so this should’ve helped. Maybe.

“I just don’t want you to get in trouble. I know you say it’s not a distraction — but it kind of is. Can you just promise me that you’ll send him … something? Even if it’s just bullshit? An outline?”

Well. She could absolutely say no. Maybe she should. She didn’t owe Jack anything. He wasn’t her boss. He wasn’t even her fucking boyfriend. And maybe it was a little condescending — asking her to promise that she’d provide her editor with some sort of update. Alice could absolutely make her own decisions, and she should. She was an adult.

But the thing was — Jack was living with a lot of guilt already. He’d already ruined his marriage, his career, his life. He couldn’t handle that happening to Alice, too. Even if it was just a probation or suspension or whatever. After all, she’d worked so hard to get to where she was. Jack had a new perspective on Alice after all of the things she’d shared with him today.

Jack would even be okay if she wrote a hit piece on him. He didn’t really have a career left to go back to. If it helped her advance, it was fine with Jack.

So, even if he came across as arrogant or controlling or … whatever — he was willing to be that as long as it didn’t jeopardize Alice’s career.

'No, don’t be sorry. Please.'

Alice is very certain that both their faces might be right— hers certainly feels aflame, and there is something about Jack's that looks flushed.

And who could blame them?

Only minutes ago, Jack had been atop of her— only minutes ago, Alice had said please when Jack asked to fuck her.

It's hard not to let her mind drift; there was a universe where Ron hadn't called, no ringing phone, and by now Jack would have been inside her, and Alice would be wrapping her legs around his abdomen, urging him deeper, closer, harder. Giving him all of her. Receiving the same.

A sharp breath, as if to startle the thoughts from her mind, scatter them like fallen leaves.

Man. How was she supposed to sleep tonight? Alice can't help but think of Jack's shirt still in her room— the intense longing to slip it on now.

At least Ron had been added to Jack's Official Hit List. At least her dumb editor would be blasted to smithereens.

Alice scoops up a few stray Goldfish, tucks a tube of Pringles beneath her arm. Jack was saying it was okay, and his voice was earnest. That he should probably clean up. Take care of other things.

There's the crinkle of plastic as the two clear the space.

Oh, yeah. A senator. He was a U.S. Senator, with probably a lot to worry about! And a busy life, too, and man, was he feeling as hot and worked up as Alice, right now? She herself could barely think. There's something almost flustered about their smiles.

'I don’t want you to be in trouble. So, please. Take the evening to write and send Ron whatever you need to. And we can spend tomorrow working on the interview.'

'I won’t distract you,'

Alice smiles gently. So considerate of him— even though the concern is misplaced. She doesn't want him to feel bad. Everything Alice had done with Jack, she had done so happily, blissfully, purposefully. Fuck the New Yorker. That's what Alice Shaw felt whenever she was lucky enough to feel Jack's touch. Or feel his smile on her. Or make plans about piano bars, or canyons in New Mexico.

God.

That was coming so very soon. "I don't consider any time spent with you a distraction."

A beat.

"It's just time well spent."

No— it felt like something special, and it made her feel lucky. It made Alice want to pinch herself, in a way, ask how herself and the universe how she had gotten so lucky to score time with him— not Jack the Senator, but Jack Kennedy, the man who showed her waterfalls and cupped her cheek in his palm when she wept in front of him.

"Besides..."

There's a lot swirling inside Alice right now, a thick mass of feelings—tangled and tangled and tangled and intense and sparking and beautiful — and she isn't sure how she will unspool them tonight.

Maybe she'll write a poem about him when she's laying in bed.

"I think my article is kind of ... shaping into something different than what I intended in the beginning."

[oneofstarkskids]

win you over

peter parker x fem!reader

note: could be read as romantic or platonic!!

you weren't supposed to be in this part of town. your father would kill you if he knew.

but there was something different about the community. people seemed to really look after each other. for new york at least.

after a long day of walking around queens, you felt your stomach burning. quickly, you pulled out your phone (stark tech of course), and searched for the nearest sandwich place.

a joint called delmar's happened to be just a couple blocks away. you figured your legs could suffer just a bit more and in the end it would be worth it.

the sign came into view and as you were walking across the street with your mind only on what you were going to order, you got knocked to the ground.

"oh man, i'm so sorry!" the person besides you said.

you rubbed the spot where you'd hit your head and picked yourself up, ignoring the outstretched hand in front of you.

"watch where you're going," you spat in a typical new yorker fashion. in front of you stood a boy with deep brown eyes and matching short chestnut hair.

he threw up his hands in disbelief, "i already apologized, there's no need to be rude."

you furrowed your brows, "i'm not being rude! you maimed me."

"don't you think that's a bit dramatic," he rolled his eyes.

you scoffed and continued walking, hoping to forget about the entire interaction. but it seemed to be just your luck that he was walking in the same direction as you.

"great," you said under your breath.

he casually strolled in behind you and you'd half considered turning around, but you came here for a sandwich. no mannerless queensite was going to change that.

somehow you both made it up to the counter at the same time. the man preparing the sandwiches smiled, "good afternoon, peter. who's the lovely chiquita with you today?"

"peter," you repeated in your head. it was nice to put a name to the face that you wanted to punch.

"oh, we're definitely not together, mr. delmar," he said.

you had to refrain from rolling your eyes.

"well then, please! lady's first," the gentleman gestured towards you.

it was very kind of him and you turned back to peter, giving him a smug look. "see that's how you're supposed to treat girls," your eyes said.

he stuck his tongue out at you in response.

childish.

you ordered your sandwich, but as mr. delmar was preparing it he kept looking back up at you curiously.

he was almost finished, so you pulled your sunglasses off of the top of your head and back onto your face. that's what made it click for him.

"hey, aren't you that billionaires kid?" he asked in his thick accent.

you froze, "um..."

peter went over all the billionaires he knew of in his head, trying to piece together what mr. delmar was seeing.

"i don't- i don't know who you're talking about," you lied.

he nodded slowly, "yeah! you are, that...hm, tommy stark i believe."

peter's eyes widened as he realized, "tony stark!?"

you began to feel overwhelmed and cornered, "uh, i've gotta go. thanks anyways." you quickly ran out of the shop, leaving your sandwich behind.

shit.

all of that and you didn't even get your sandwich.

well, it was better than your dad finding out that you deliberately disobeyed him.

you tried to get as far from the shop as possible, but that's when you heard the shouting.

"wait!" the voice rang out.

your head spun around to see peter jogging over to you.

great.

"what do you want?" you asked once he'd finally caught up, but you hadn't stopped walking.

"um- i just...i wanted to apologize again. for, you know. i didn't know you were-" he started.

you scoffed, "you didn't know i was tony stark's daughter. and somehow that makes a difference."

"well, kind of," he said.

"so what i'm hearing is that you treat people based on their social standing?" you said sharply.

he shook his head, "what, no!"

"then why do you suddenly care about how you made me feel?" you reasoned.

peter frowned, "it's not like that. you don't even know me."

you stopped walking.

"sure i do. you're just like the rest of them. flashing cameras in my face. making obscene comments. tracking my every move in case i stumble. people like you make idols out of regular people and then blame them when they do something human," you ranted in frustration.

peter's expression softened. he couldn't imagine what that must feel like.

"just leave me alone," your eyes pleaded. the two of you shared eye contact for a moment too long, understanding each other without knowing each other at all.

"fine. i just wanted to give you this," he handed you the sandwich you had ordered.

for a moment, you felt bad. maybe you'd been too harsh. then again, it was going to take a lot more than a sandwich to win you over.

so, you went home. hoped to forget the day, forget the boy and prayed your father would never find out.

and you did forget him.

you went on about your daily routine, helping in the lab with bruce. training with natasha. asking jarvis for the answers to your homework.

until, your dad introduced you to the new additions to the team.

he swiped the screen on the hologram projecting tablet in his hands.

"this one, she's a mind reader. freaky psychoanalysis type shit," he said about a brunette girl that only looked a bit older than you.

he swiped again, "that's her brother. his superpower is being an ass."

"oh yeah, and this one. he's actually pretty impressive. watch this," he pressed a few buttons, pulling up a different file and played a video.

you watched closely. it appeared that the brakes on a bus went out and it was speeding down the road uncontrollably. right as it was about to collide with a car, something-or rather someone-stopped it.

your eyes trailed down to the small photo profile underneath the video. the name read, "peter parker.

after getting a closer look at his face your eyes widened.

"well, shit."

[not-feeling-the-aster]

Ok so I finished Sunrise on the Reaping and I have not very positive thoughts. I get other people really liked it and that’s fine, this is just my opinion. I guess I'll reread it and see if I change my mind (or not), but for now I can say that it was my least favorite of the series, by far.

Spoilers ahead

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Honestly I was a little skeptical when they announced the movie along with the book, although I wanted to stay optimistic :(

One of the things that threw me off was the way it tells you things so directly, when the other books are more subtle. I would say it’s as if the older books gave you the puzzle pieces but you still had to make the effort to put them together, whereas this time it just gives you the solved puzzle at once.

Then there’s the narration, which at times feels underwhelming, since it doesn’t match the emotional depth some scenes require. While reading I was thinking everything felt numb, like the tension wasn’t really there. Haymitch’s reactions feel plain to me most of the time, and I get that one could argue he bottles up his feelings because it’s a traumatizing situation, that’s fair. But we’re supposed to read his thoughts, his internal turmoil, and I feel like we almost never really go past the surface. With Katniss (and even Snow) I could see more clearly their deepest thoughts, doubts and vulnerability.

Back to Haymitch, there’s also the thing with his family. They are supposed to be the most important people in his life, but there is little to no development on their relationship. Don’t tell me he loves them, show me how he cares for them, how was his upbringing, show me some memory of his childhood, how was his life when his dad was alive, how did his death affect him till nos, how does him being the older brother shapes his character. Show me how much they care for each other before the tragedy happens. Because the point is he looses them, we know it. Their bond matters, make it strong enough to linger after they’re gone.

We also have to talk about Lenore Dove. Again, we know a few things about her and how they met. We know Haymitch loves her and thinks about her a lot (maybe too much) but does she love him as much? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think she is pretending or anything, but it does seem like they are on different pages at times. My thing is, we are presented with this couple from the get go, and we are expected to root for them because they are soulmates for life and can’t live without each other, but what is their dynamic like? How do they work together? not just as Haymitch admiring her all the time. What does she like about him so much? Does she actually want to run away? Alone or with him? Does she know he fantasizes about having a family with her? Would she be okay with that?

I feel like their relationship could have worked better if they had just recently got together, they would still care for each other and missed one another, but it wouldn’t be this super serious, never-ending, magical love that’s larger than life itself. Just real, meaningful, hopeful love. Doomed, but true. That’s enough.

Regarding the theme of propaganda, I also feel like it wasn’t handled that well. I mean yeah the capitol shows and edits the games to their liking, ok. I guess what I was expecting was how propaganda was received by the people, specially in different places of Panem.

The careers were completely dumbed down this time, there was no nuance or complexity there, maybe for a tiny moment with the chocolates but that was on Haymitch so I guess it doesn’t count either.

I liked the idea of the alliance and I personally don’t mind the cameos but everyone speaking so freely of the rebellion plan was a little unserious. Plutarch for me is still the same character, I don’t consider him fundamentally rebellious, he just wants to be on the winning side and come out as unscathed as possible. Him lecturing Haymitch did annoy me a bit though, and I don't think it helped to explore the themes like it was intended.

I'm sure there's more but this are my main problems with it. I was really excited about it but well, I still love the other books so the story didn't change for me, but I'm a little worried for a possible future book now. We'll see how it goes.

Also I wanted to point out that just because you like a certain author it's okay to not like and be critical of some of their work. Like, it shouldn't be that serious, but I know some people get defensive. Each book is different, and authors are people, and they can make cool things and not so cool things, calm down with the pedestals please.

[skellymom]

Hubby and I were discussing this the other day. And we wondered a few things that were left to guessing on the audiences part:

*Her baby will see the sunrise Luthen spoke of. And perhaps that was the whole point of the scene. Although I joked with hubby baby's future is bright until the First Order becomes a thing. However even that carries a message that freedom is something we all need to continually work at even in times of "peace" in order to secure a safe future. This is something that is lost to us currently in our real world. fascism does not sleep.

*Did Bix accidentally become pregnant at some point and not know she was until she left Yavin? The discussion she has before leaving is really ambiguous.

*Whether she knew of her pregnancy or not before leaving Yavin, she knew if Cassian found out she was pregnant he would never leave for the mission that was the turning point for defeating the Death Star. And the Force Healer helped her consider that possibly with the discussion of Cassian being a messenger.

* Bix anticipated Cassian would die on his mission. Maybe she wanted his child as a consolation knowing she would be alone after his death. I'm not saying that's necessarily right, especially since Cassian may not have been given the knowledge or choice about his child. But people really do this in reality.

*Maybe Cassian did suspect she was pregnant, or even knew. Maybe he HOPED she would stay on Yavin with him and they'd raise their family together in-between missions for the rebellion. But they had both seen so many comrades due in these missions. And Bix was the one to force his hand, and make him face that raising a child on a rebel base is like putting a target on their backs. And Cassian, having done so many missions for Luthen and being so exposed to the Empire, whose luck could run out eventually and be spotted, well she put her foot down and took off somewhere SAFER without the visibility of her partners presence.

*The baby is Bix's child too! Having babies isn't just a patriarchal lineage thing. People truly want to have children for other reasons. Maybe fleetingly she hoped to have a full life with Cassian and the baby, but realized that would never be.

*Bix is allowed to do whatever she wants with her body. Male writers can write women having babies with the main character. It isn't always a bad thing or lazy writing.

*Nobody ever mentioned Cassian Andor by name after the Death Star was destroyed. True he's a retcon, and forgotten to Star Wars history in universe, and that makes the baby safer in some respect.

* Tony Gilroy himself (confirmed on Wookiepeedia) that the gender of the child was never revealed. And there's speculation that it's a boy, but I think Gilroy wanted to leave that open ended.

*Tony Gilroy knew what he was doing with this ending. He left a lot of things possibly purposely ambiguous in this series. People will continue to discuss and speculate. Perhaps this is a good thing? If the series was forgettable, what would we have taken away from it?

*I think Gilroy had to leave SOME HOPE in the series. Perhaps some would find it hokey? I approached Andor as a parable of wars and rebellion, with comparisons and contrasting to real world events on our planet. Gilroy researched hard to write this show. The real world events he based Andor off was sad, depressing, and a LOT of people suffered and died. Some whole rebellions had no survivors at all, some failed in entirety. The true history is dark, especially in the times we are living in currently.

*This series is something SO DIFFERENT for Disney and TV in general. Gilroy went in some real world dark places most current programming won't go or isn't allowed to go. No one piece of media is perfect. The fact Gilroy was able to pull this series off under the hacky corporate giant Disney is...is pretty amazing. Considering all the shows for the SW Universe Disney puts out that have been a total letdown, I'll take Andor for what it is!

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. 😆

there’s been a lot of confusion so I just wanted to say that no, bix did not sacrifice herself for a man. she sacrificed a man for a cause she believed in. that’s not the same thing at all, and pretending that it is is honestly an insult to the many many real world women who give up their careers, beliefs, and happiness to be whatever a man wants them to be. cassian wanted to run off together and abandon the rebellion. bix chose the rebellion. her child is a symbol of the future that choice makes possible—the sunrise, the hope. idk how much more clear they could have made that, or if y’all were always going to call any ending where a woman has a child misogynistic and bad writing.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

krakoa cherik comm !!!!!

[sysig]

You’re looking a bit different than usual! (Patreon)

[wackywatchdotcom]

something i genuinely adore about tadc is how painfully flawed everyone in the circus is. and not in a small way

everyone does SOMETHING that negatively impacts the others. but it makes the fact that you are supposed to sympathize with and really connect with them all the more potent. because its easy to want to put a bunch of characters in a bad situation together and to just have them all be nice to each other and everyone and never make mistakes because theres no reason to hurt each other, and most of them dont TRY to, but the way they cope is so, so realistic for each of their personalities, and it doesnt always mesh with the others, and sometimes it exceeds self destructive and Just Hurts Others, Too

they still generally care about each other and the mistakes they make and the ways they end up hurting each other dont lose their weight but like. it doesnt take away from their humanity and the fact that they are all trying so hard to manage in an awful situation

and the characters seem to have sooome sort of understanding of this too. not fully, because the characters dont tend to be 100% communicative, but when they hurt each other, it often makes EVERYONE uncomfortable. because these are the only people they have. these are their friends. and theyre all coping. but it doesnt change how much it affects them (best illustrated by ragathas lines at the start of ep 2 or gangles 'i love her, but after a while it gets kinda hard to tell how genuine shes actually being'). its not all like this, theres a good amnt of variety, but characters knowing this but not really knowing what to do about it is very painful in an effective way

(i think a subtle example of this is how zooble handles gangles situation in ep 4- they were so genuinely trying to help her because they care. but could tell as the day went on that oh, this is not working at all and its making things worse, and they leave gangle alone- something that very genuinely couldve been the moment she abstracted, because of the mask zooble gave her- and we dont get to have a super blatant explanation of zoobles thoughts on it, but they reach a fairly healthy conclusion about it that helps both of them, and i like that a lot, because on paper zooble could be placed at fault but the narrative doesnt dwell on it excessively, because thats not the point. i dont know if that tangent makes sense but i think about it sometimes. i think zooble wasnt 'to blame' but it was still a mistake, which is a hard balance to strike, and having them help at the end feels extremely effective at rounding it off!!!)

but like. in general its complicated balancing making characters in a bad situation act flawed because it can run the risk of seeming like the story is scolding them or blaming them for the situation theyre in, or like youre expected to not sympathize with them despite it (though the inverse also has complications- if characters in a bad situation never mess up, it feels unrealistic and hard to relate to, and can imply that their innocence is why whats happening to them is bad at all), but the show handles it so well

even the characters who are genuinely trying all try in different ways- some of them have similar outlooks or attitudes towards these thing but theres vital differences for ALL of them- sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. in fact some of the more painful mistakes characters have made in the show have come from them so genuinely trying (like the thing i mentioned w zooble, or basically Everything Ragatha Does, or pomnis first attempt at helping gangle, etc), which hits harder than if every mistake characters made had wholly selfish and cruel goals.

i mean, there is a selfishness to many of the characters' actions but imo not in a way thats not warranted. because all of them are in a horrible setting. its uncomfortable to watch characters be selfish. but it is a natural instinct to survive. its not the foundation of most of their actions, but when it is, its uncomfortable but hard to completely disparage them for in a way that makes you feel kinda conflicted

and like. it hurts to be doing your best and for that to make things worse, but its what happens often in the show. because no one in a bad situation is gonna handle it well. by the very nature of trying to survive something is gonna give, but it makes the themes of the show so much more powerful. that making sure the people around you dont feel unloved, cherishing them and finding meaning with others is no less important just because everyone is fucking up. it complicates things, for sure, but it doesnt make those characters exempt fromt this. theres a reason pomni tells gummigoo that she doesnt want "anyone" to feel like theyre nothing, and that kinger doesnt add ANY quallifiers to making sure people feel wanted and loved (not that i think either of them were thinking SUPER super hard, but it conveys smth from the perspective of the narrative

it gets complicated when you add in jax for sure, since i think on the surface he IS the exception to this concept- none of the characters like him, including pomni or kinger. but i think this is something thats gonna be examined further down the line, bc hes the main complicating factor in this reading of the show, but i feel like thats on purpose. hes universally disliked (and so is caine, in a different way) and his actions arent mistakes. they are him coping. the show has made it clear that he can be a complex person AND also a piece of shit. his actions dont detract from the fact that hes a person and the show reminds us of this. so it makes things so messy, but im genuinely super excited to see how the show examines that. where his character goes is, imo, going to be a massive piece of how this show fleshes out this concept

[uhohmichio]

I've been thinking about Mayumi and Kiryu's relationship in yakuza 5....

[SPOILERS FOR YAKUZA 5!!!]

I haven’t seen too much discussion around their relationship other than her irrelevancy (which yeah she really got the short end of the stick but also shes on the cover?) or how Kiryu’s disinterest in her makes him asexual. While the asexual interpretation is valid, I don’t necessarily think he is and during this game I think his depression is the main reason he acts so disinterested in Mayumi. From the rooftop scene, we know kiryu was at his lowest of lows during the six month period he’s been away from the orphanage. At this point of his life, he’s lost his foster father, his brother, the love of his life, his rikiya, has separated from someone he fell in love with, and now separated from haruka, everyone from morning glory and his community in okinawa, while also staying away from tojo members (like having to distance himself from daigo). It was the first game in my play through (y0-y5) that opens with kiryu in a long period of isolation and grief. [in previous games it opens with him meeting up with nishiki or haruka/at morning glory] I think Kiryu was so depressed from being separated from everyone, he just allowed Mayumi to stick around because he wanted some sense of normalcy in his life in fukuoka. (He has lived the past ~5 years living in a house full of kids, I’ll bet company comes as normalcy for him) They did establish some sort of romantic relationship since Mayumi says “We’ve been together for six months, yet we’ve never had a moment like this”. So they have yet to fill this expectation of physical intimacy their agreed relationship has. But depression can morph/dampen the way you express or feel love, so maybe Kiryu was trying during this time and the most he really could do was just passively allow her presence/company or he just kept her around for company and convenience and settled for a distant but peaceful relationship. Meanwhile, Mayumi delegates herself to performing acts of service; she helps him cook, clean, and do basic tasks around the apartment. His apartment is so bare and spotless, I don’t think he’s bothered to decorate and make it feel like home (other than a photo he puts in a corner) and I don’t think it would be as clean if Mayumi wasn’t there. She’s probably also convinced herself that her way of helping is helping him emotionally. As Below.

I think Kiryu’s reaction is him partly in disbelief that anything she does would make him happy. But he also probably doesnt feel much of a difference when she is there and wouldn’t want to outright say that to her. However, he does complain about her cleaning his shit, bc that’s something he probably feels he should do himself.

Kiryu’s never really had very traditional relationships and this one is no exception but his depression heavily affected how he treated Mayumi and their relationship.

Anyways, despite him complaining to her about her cleaning his shit and acting indifferent and disinterested in every single interaction with her, he still thanks Madarame for sending Mayumi to accompany him. From all the events leading up to this point that have shaken kiryu up to rise to action and with Mayumi’s true identity revealed, he’s come to realize his appreciation for Mayumi’s company. So I’d like to believe his gratitude towards Mayumi and Madarame was genuine even if he couldnt reciprocate Mayumi’s feelings.

[fvckw4d]

The concept of queerbaiting annoys me. I was told that it refers to a work of fiction pretending to cater to a queer audience but then pulling back from it to avoid alienating homophobes, which is an incredibly specific thing. But a lot of people seem to think that it instead means "any time there's any gay subtex, metaphor, or ambiguity" or "whenever something from 1995-2012 was being a normal amount of homophobic for the era."