#that I have fought so fucking hard for and saw potential in and shielded from Decisions

[rawliverandgoronspice]

.

feels hella weird to still feel attachment for characters you wrote once, and developed, and fought for --but had zero impact on the actual end result-- and then watching the relay being passed onto a new budding fandom as the mangled result of what you saw them as and what they ended up being, and going like "okay so what does remain", and then you get to find out depending on how people react.

feels. weird.

[prose-for-hire]

Right on time

Pairing: Spike x reader; Faith x reader [reader dates men & women]

Request: Not requested. I’m trying to write whatever’s coming into my head even if it isn’t my best so that I can be inspired to write something potentially better for a fic someone’s requested lolll. Requests will still be written but they may be a little slower than normal sorry 💖

Desc: Reader was in a relationship with Faith but since she was in a coma the reader turned to Spike for comfort and feelings begin to grow.

Warning: Sex references; set in hospital; mention or discussion of a kind of loss. swearing.

The walls appeared to be closing in again. The noise around you lulled every so often with a sombre silence. The hollowed eyes of loss surrounded you but had no reason to look your way. They were all stuck in their own minds. A funeral march in the making.

The occasional laughter bubbled up, from those that clutched hope so desperately their knuckles were perpetually white. It didn’t feel right in this place though, it was a surreal room that held both the impending horror and delight depending on what the doctor said next. You could nearly taste it in the air it was that strong. The mixture of such strong emotions blanketed the room in a thick tension. A kind of purgatory.

You were sitting in the adjoined café to the hospital coaxing your mug to give you some answers when you didn’t even know what questions to ask. You stared into your mug, wishing it could offer you come kind of comfort. The human touch you craved just couldn’t be replicated. Her touch. It had been so long now that you had almost given up.

Faith was in a coma. The only woman you had ever fallen in love with couldn’t open her eyes. Could barely breathe on her own. She shouldn’t be lying there. She didn’t deserve that, no matter the choices she made. She didn’t deserve to end her days this way. Or any way, in your opinion.

When you had been together, just the two of you it had been so good. You redefined the meaning of love together. You were unapologetically each other’s. You promised forever and she had been taken away from you.

She had confided in you in a way that she couldn’t with anyone else. You shared hushed whispers, swapping your pasts beneath the sheets together. You had loved her when she lived out of a motel and you had loved her just the same when she lived in her apartment that the Mayor had bought for her.

She could be so soft when she wanted to be. Holding you into her and not letting the cruel world touch either of you. You were completely embraced by her adoration and you just hope that she felt the same.

That she knew that you would rather be in her place. That you loved her just as much now as you did the first day you whispered those words to her. Your skin on hers, wrapped in a sheet as the afternoon stretched out before you. It had been such bliss.

You still visited every Friday. Held her hand and told her that you love her. Spoke to her, told her everything about your life. Everything except…

Spike. He appeared before you just as your mind turned to him. As it often did, recently. You squinted, thinking he must have followed you.

This was unlike him anymore. He would usually wait around the crypt or in the alley around the back of the Bronze for you to decide the inevitable. That you would spend the night with him. Losing yourself in his touch. Fucking him until you could almost forget her. But you never did, of course.

You both knew the arrangement, don’t get attached. Don’t stay for breakfast (or dinner, should it be that way around). It suited you both. It was for comfort, you had both found yourselves increasingly isolated. On the peripheries of the Scoobies whilst still being hauled back in to help when they remembered you both existed. Still, there was no warmth from them. None of them trusted either of you.

You turned to each other, shielding from the cold. The loneliness that seeped in no matter how you tried to protect yourselves. The reality was that you needed each other. These nights were necessary. The sex was good, you both knew you couldn’t get better anywhere else.

Admittedly though, more recently you became more and more present in those moments. Where you wouldn’t leave as soon as you finished. You had been shuffling away without a word passing between you. Not so much as a thank you, come again.

No, you now didn’t even put up the pretence of going to the Bronze first. You found your way to him as soon as you could. You found yourself increasingly enjoying his presence. Which was something you hadn’t consciously found yourself feeling since Faith got hurt. Enjoyment. Maybe even happiness. In a strange way, Spike made you feel more than you could remember feeling.

One evening, you stayed up the entire night. Talking. His mind spoke to you. A connection that was fast becoming unbreakable since. Neither of you even suggested more and you hadn’t realised this until the morning came and you woke up with his arms draped around you. It was a soft intimacy that you hadn’t found yourself expecting but now it was happening you only wanted more of it.

More of him.

You hadn’t realised but Spike had been falling even before that night. He had a taste of you. Your body and mind. He saw the ugliest parts of you, the guilt and the sadness that you tried to conceal and loved you wholly.

He wanted to comfort you. Wanted to protect you from your sadness. From the guilt you held for even having a single moment of happiness when Faith no longer could.

He couldn’t help loving you, the way you spoke even in your sadness was appealing to him. You were a strong person although it was a task for him trying to get you to reveal how you truly felt.

It started to upset him, when you were upset. He found his mood lifted and fell depending on how you felt. On how you spoke about yourself. He was in love with you. All in. He was a fool for love. Or, more, a fool for you.

He so wanted you to see what he did. How he adored you so. That you were truly a gift to the world. That you were the reason he got up in the evening. On the promise of being close to you.

You kept things bottled up, held tightly to your chest. You didn’t tell him but you felt guilty, what with Faith still breathing and being involved with Spike. The doctors had told you multiple times that it would take a miracle for her to recover. That you should move on. But it was too hard letting go.

That was how you ended up here, psyching yourself up to go and join her by her bedside. Visiting hours started in less than an hour and you were still trying to convince yourself that there was still hope.

Her face, it looked almost peaceful lying in that bed but it brought you anything but peace. You knew she would rather be where the action was. Fighting and fucking in that way that only she could marry together perfectly. You could hold her hand in yours but it was often cold to match the room. You could bend it to curl around you but it never stayed.

You just wanted her to reach for you again, clasp her hand to yours and tell you that it would be okay. That she would make it out. That she could make it out of anything. Her confidence, you had loved it. She was so sure of herself and she had the same confidence in you. she was devoted to you in every way. Had near fought the Mayor over some of the comments he had made about you.

Spike spotted you immediately where you were sat hunched over your seat in the café. He stalked straight towards you, not moving out of anyone’s way. He sat down in front of you, characteristically throwing himself down and smirking as if this had all been planned. He took the mug from you and downed the remainder of the lukewarm liquid, grimacing at your choice of beverage. He slammed the mug back down, almost cracking it before sniffing and looking back at you expectantly.

“Did you follow me? You know you really shouldn’t do that to people-” You warned. You had this conversation more than once and he had mostly learned from what you had said. Or so you hoped anyway.

“I know. I wasn’t, I swear it” He said and when you raised an eyebrow he continued, “Stocking up wasn’t I?”

He pulled one half of his duster as if trying to sell you something but it revealed several concealed pockets that held blood bags. Human blood. He had come to get lunch.

This type of thing was what you had come to expect of Spike and so you just nodded and accepted it. In fact, you had begun to warm up his blood for him in the mornings when you both woke up together. He liked that you didn’t look at him in disgust for surviving. That rather you understood. He smiled at you before patting himself down again.

He took a cigarette from his pack and started to light up, forgetting where he was. You reached and took the object from him, dropping it in your cup. The dregs put the lit end out with a disappointing sizzle.

When you had leaned in, his eyes had widened. Your proximity was something he wanted more of. Those soft, familiar gestures of comfort. They meant a lot to him. Although, it wouldn’t stop him testing just how familiar he could be back to you.

“Question is, why are you? Doc said she’s gone, pet. No point making it harder on yourself” he said slowly, knowing not to push too hard. Last time he had started to press you to talk about it more you hadn’t spoken to him for a week. 

You knew what the doctor had said. But you couldn’t stop coming. You couldn’t let her go. You couldn’t leave her behind.

“I love her” You said sadly. The words stung Spike and he lowered his gaze to the table between you. His jaw tensed and he tried to blink the water from his eyes before you saw it. Your love meant too much to him. Sometimes, you wished it wasn’t true. You wish you could move on and just forget. But she had meant everything to you, even after she had joined up with the Mayor you stuck by her. You had fallen so deeply.

The way she always held you close. Kissed you until you were breathless as soon as she saw you. That smile that could light up a room. She would have died rather than see you hurt in any way. Faith loved you, you had never doubted it.

But as soon as you thought this your mind moved to Spike. In the same way, he clung to you protectively. Gave you all of his time. Would rather give up anything so that you could have even a second of happiness.

“But… I think… I think I feel the same about you” Your sentence exploded from your mouth before you could brace yourself. You hadn’t even thought them properly before you expressed these words. But, you knew that you meant it. That you adored every part of him.

You were scared though, that he may suffer the same fate as the only other person you loved. You didn’t need to explain this though, he understood.

He had gasped. Audibly. Spike was looking at you as if you had hung the stars in the sky. He reached for you from across the table, his features crudely carved out of the fluorescent lighting. Yet he still managed to keep this soft expression on his face. The one that was only yours.

“I have loved you since the first I saw you. Couldn’t even begin to deny these feelings inside. I need you, near crave you at times. Nothing compares to you, pet. Nothing even comes close”

He took your hand in his from over the table as he began to offer his feelings to you. This love that he had harboured in secret for too long. This soft adoration that he could now allow to flow freely. He assured you that he was yours, in any way you wanted him.

His hand caressed yours in such a way that you could no longer imagine him letting go. This intimacy meant more than you could even begin to describe. He slowly rubbed his thumb against the back of your hand as he spoke so earnestly.

You could have cried. Could have thrown the table aside and urgently pressed your lips against his. Instead, you clasped your hand tighter, wove your fingers firmly between his. You needed this. You needed him.

He squeezed your hand tighter as you spoke, trying to shuffle your thoughts into some type of cohesion. You wanted to explain. Wanted to match the beautiful way he expressed his own emotions to you. But something had stopped you. Or, someone. It felt as if someone had a hand wrapped around your neck, squeezing your throat until no words could form.

Your eyesight began to blur. The corners of your vision turning to static. But there was something, a flicker that caught your attention.

Her. Standing there in someone else’s clothes. Paler than you remembered but still completely her.

“Faith you’re…”

“Right on time” She nodded, smiling at you. Although her eye was almost twitching as she looked at the way you were both intimately sprawled across the table. Leaning in towards each other closer as the other spoke.

You couldn’t help but get up, dropping Spike’s hand in your shock. Your vision completely enraptured by her. You were so excited you didn’t hear a British accent muttering ‘Bloody brilliant’ as he contemplated that his relationship with you had just completely changed. Again.

To have everything he had ever wanted from you now potentially ripped away in almost the same breath hurt. Deeply. And so he blamed Faith for it. 

You launched yourself at her, wrapping your arms around her so enthusiastically. She hissed a little and you moved but you were unable to part from her. You pressed a chaste kiss against her lips before laughing at how amazing it was to have her standing before you after all of this time.

They scowled at each other while your back was turned, hugging Faith more gently again. They knew exactly how the other felt about you. Because they themselves felt it.

You opened your mouth to say something but then it dawned on you. You remembered what you had just said to Spike. Suddenly this reunion was bittersweet. You loved her completely and couldn’t leave her side now. But life had moved on and you had found yourself a spirit that spoke to yours. You also loved him.

You looked between them both and time stopped. There was no choice here. You knew who your heart belonged to. It was split in two, in equal parts. Your heart - it was theirs.

[crystalrose555]

Slap me, I dare you! pt.9

“Son of a...making me run...” Marley huffed out as she continued to rush through the halls.

She spent so much of her magic repeating her wind spell, she could feel her lungs turning to lead with each gasp of air. Cursing herself, she remembered how Solomon lectured her on pacing but she had no time to consider it as she glanced over her shoulder. The demonic herd had thinned a considerate amount but that only deepened her paranoia. Did they actually give up or were they plotting something? She didn’t have time to consider as she continued to bolt through the corridors, narrowly avoiding bystanders as she left them behind in the dust.

Unfortunately, her journey was coming to an end as the only thing at the end of the hallway was a large window. She cursed out loud as the sound of stomping boots filled her ears. As she ran towards it, her body felt heavier and heavier while her joints stiffened. She was tired but this feeling was foreign as if it was casted upon her suddenly. Taking a quick glance, her eyes widened as she saw students popping out of adjacent classrooms with their hands glowing light purple. “These fuckers are cursing me!? Over a picture!?” She shrieked out in shock and awe which quickly turned to anger and frustration.

Feeling herself slowing down, Marley pushed her muscles harder as she repeated the wind spell again in an attempt to neutralize the hexes on her. Seeing how her window of escape was literally closed, Marley pulled off her veil and wrapped her arm in it. She gritted her teeth and growled. “All right, you asked for this!” She yelled as she lunged with all her strength.

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“Dammit...which way did she go!?” Levi screamed out.

“How should I know? The mob split up in all kinds of directions!” Mammon retaliated.

“They’re probably trying to trap her, we should split up in pairs and spread out.” Satan concluded.

Asmo and Satan took one hallway while the twins zoomed down another, leaving Mammon and Levi the main corridor. The second eldest ran in spurts only stopping to glance in potential hiding spaces while the third struggled to remain standing, dripping in his hard earned sweat.

“Damn it, Levi, go pass out somewhere! You’re slowing me down!”

“Not...a...chance, need to...save...” Was all that Levi could muster out before he collapsed in the hallway.

Mammon came to a screeching halt as he double-back to his exhausted sibling. He cursed out loud as he tried to pull his out of shape brother to his feet.

“Come on, ya useless jellyfish, if you’re gonna help, then get off the damn floor!” He hissed out as Levi gave no assistance.

“I...can’t....bones...broken...lungs...shattered...”

“Ya bootless son of a b-”

“Care to finish that phrase, Mammon?”

Mammon felt his spine stiffen before it curled up inside of him. He slowly turned his head to see a towering Lucifer with his arms crossed and a darkened aura surrounding him. Mammon swallowed hard as he managed to get Levi to lean on his shoulder as he turned around to face the eldest with judging eyes.

“Lucifer, my man, I didn’t see you there~” He claimed coyly.

“Want to explain to me why Levi is obstructing the hallway with his exhausted body?” “Well, ya see-”

The distant sound of glass shattering cut Mammon’s explanation short as the three eldest instinctively looked in its direction before bolting towards the source.

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Diavolo sighed as he walked along the edge of the inner courtyard. He managed to convince Barbatos to give him a break but he couldn’t find anything fun to do which left him in a current state of boredom. Earlier he heard the sounds of students running in the hallways and wanted to join in but Lucifer gave him a strict reminder of how it would look if he was involved in such mischief. Diavolo pouted as he thought of all the fun he was missing out on. His image was important and his goals were absolute but it didn’t mean he had to be deprived of simple pleasures.

“Maybe I should message Levi, he might know where Marley is.” He muttered to himself as he pulled out his phone.

As his fingers tapped away, the sound of shattering glass caused him to misspell Marley which autocorrected to Mochi in the sudden action. He turned his head to see someone dressed in white crashing out the second story window. It took a sliver of a second but that was enough for Diavolo to drop his phone and catch them before his D.D.D. hit the ground. Shielding them from the remaining glass shards raining from above, Diavolo got a good look at them, realizing who he was holding in his arms.

“Marley!?” He yelped out as he stood tall, shaking shards of glass off his shoulders and hair.

Diavolo stared at her exhausted body dusted in glass shards as minor cuts littered her body. Marley’s chest, glistening from sweat, magic residue and glass dust, heaved up and down as her eyes fluttered with each inhale. She lifted her arm, covered in a white cloth with splotches of red, and grabbed Diavolo’s tie. From there, she pulled him closer to her so that he could hear her soft fading voice.

“Diavolo...” She whispered.

“You need to save your strength, Marley!” He frantically claimed.

“...listen...”

“W-What is it?”

“...I’m not paying for that fucking window...” And with that, Marley flopped unconscious in the prince’s arms with a groan, leaving him feeling a multitude of emotions, none of which were boredom.

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“You idiot! What was that?” “Hey don’t blame me! I casted my hex perfectly!”

“Then how did she launch herself out the window!?”

The ambushing student body argued amongst themselves, failing to realize that their quarry had landed in the arms of their prince. “Great, now we’ve lost her. I skipped class for nothing.” One sighed out with a handful of students agreeing with them.

“Send out a text, maybe one of the other groups got her.”

Nodding in agreement, the students pulled out their D.D.D.s and began tapping away on their screens, looking for any mention of the mystery woman. However, one of them stopped suddenly as a cold chill crawled up their spine.

“H-Hey, does anyone else feel a chill?” They whimpered out.

Slowly, one by one, the students turned their gazes to a smiling Lucifer whose wings spread out ominously, his horns casting a large shadow as the light behind him fought for control of the darkness radiating from him. Seeing the angered eldest brother, a few of the students backed away in fear and instinct, only to be shocked by the purple electric barrier behind them.

“We wouldn’t want anyone else going out the window, now do we?” Lucifer cooed with a sadistic gleam in his eyes.

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“There we go, that is the last of the glass, my lord.” Barbatos claimed as he placed his tweezers to the side.

“Thank you, Barbatos, I wasn’t sure I could get all of it myself.” Diavolo chuckled out as his eyes trailed to Marley who laid upon his lounge couch.

There she was, covered in bandages, sleeping and snoring without a care. Her legs spread out with one hanging off the edge, leaving little to no modesty for the crowned prince and his butler.

“She must be exhausted, I don’t think there’s anything that could wake her up.” Diavolo mentioned.

“Considering the amount of hexes and spells casted upon her, I’m not surprised.” Barbatos answered as he stood up and dust himself off.

Just then, a knock rattled Diavolo’s office door which opened to reveal a calm Lucifer.

“Lord Diavolo, it’s time for the assembly in the Colosseum.” He claimed.

Diavolo’s expression soured slightly.

“Do I have to be there? Surely, you can handle it, Lucifer.” “I’d rather not, I’m going to be busy disciplining the hex majors involved with the incident. And you must address the entire student body so that this doesn’t happen again. I would prefer if we don’t have a reason for Marley to launch herself out another window.”

Lucifer’s eye was drawn to the couch as Marley gave a small snort before turning away from the demons. The eldest just sighed but he wasn’t sure if it was from relief or frustration. Either way, he would have to figure out an appropriate punishment for the runaway seal, especially after all the ruckus she made in the public eye again. Diavolo, on the other hand, glanced at the sleeping woman before giving a sigh. “You’re right. Barbatos, will you prepare for my arrival in the Colosseum. I need a moment.” Diavolo asked as Lucifer exited the office.

Barbatos gave a bow before chuckling a bit underneath his breath, which piqued Diavolo’s interest.

“What is it?”

Barbatos gave a slight head shake with a smile.

“I can assure you that Marley will be fine in your office. I don’t see anyone else entering this room besides you and those who work directly with you.” Diavolo paused for a moment before taking off his jacket to cover Marley with it. He then turned to his butler with a wide smile that left Barbatos in a state of confusion.

“Sir?” “It’s important to show the students of RAD that I care about their well being, right?” He grinned as he rolled up his sleeves.

Barbatos just sighed.

[stannyramirez]

𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔬𝔩𝔡 𝔤𝔲𝔞𝔯𝔡

❝I’ve been here before… over and over again.❞ ❝Each time, the same question. Is this it? Will this time be the one?❞ ❝Each time, the same question.❞ ❝Is this it?❞ ❝Will this time bet he one?❞ ❝And each time the same answer.❞ ❝I’m just so tired of it.❞ ❝You good?❞ ❝You travel?❞ ❝And I got you something.❞ ❝What’s that?❞ ❝Ooh, first edition Don Quixote.❞ ❝That couldn’t have been cheap.❞ ❝So, why am I here, _____?❞ ❝No, we don’t do repeats. You know that.❞ ❝It’s too risky.❞ ❝You look great.❞ / ❝You look okay.❞ ❝Thank you! Thank you!❞ ❝And I have something for you.❞ ❝All in. Here it is.❞ ❝No, no, no. Don’t worry.❞ ❝Admit it, boss. You missed us.❞ ❝It’s a job, guys.❞ ❝We can do some good.❞ ❝Have you been watching the news lately?❞ ❝Some good means nothing.❞ ❝I don’t know about this.❞ ❝We’re not helping.❞ ❝I know you needed a break.❞ ❝This is what we do.❞ ❝I’ll hear him out.❞ ❝It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.❞ ❝You haven’t aged a day.❞ ❝They reached out to me, and I’m reaching out to you.❞ ❝You can name your price.❞ ❝We’ll invoice you when it’s done.❞ ❝Peace be with you.❞ ❝Are we too late?❞ ❝Mother fuck--!❞ ❝What the hell?❞ ❝Look out! Reload!❞ ❝Everyone still with me?❞ ❝Very pissed off.❞ ❝We’ve been set up.❞ ❝One has to admire his attention to detail. The _____ were a particularly grotesque touch.❞ ❝I knew this was gonna happen.❞ ❝We did it right. For the right reasons.❞ ❝And what did it get us? What? Nothing.❞ ❝We’ve done nothing.❞ ❝The world isn’t getting any better.❞ ❝The world isn’t getting any better. It’s getting worse.❞ ❝I checked him completely, and everything seemed legit.❞ ❝They know who we are. They know what we are.❞ ❝We have to find him. We have to tie this thing off.❞ ❝And then what?❞ ❝And then nothing.❞ ❝The world can burn for all I care.❞ ❝I’m done.❞ ❝Get me some information.❞ ❝Keep it respectful.❞ ❝Don’t we always?❞ ❝Never hurts to repeat it.❞ ❝You do not disrespect your family by telling us where he is.❞ ❝There are no men here.❞ ❝To use women as shields is to be no man at all.❞ ❝Thank you for allowing us into your home.❞ ❝We will leave you in peace.❞ ❝Look at all this shit. It’s a jackpot.❞ ❝They wanted him alive, remember?❞ ❝Do not… Do not touch me.❞ ❝I’m trying to save you, man.❞ ❝A little help, please?❞ ❝Stay with me!❞ ❝God! Jesus, no.❞ ❝Come here. Stay with me. Look at me.❞ ❝Look at me. You’re gonna be okay.❞ ❝You’re okay. It’s okay. Stay with me. Just look at me. Look at me.❞ ❝Not another one.❞ ❝What did you see?❞ ❝I felt her die.❞ ❝It’s been over 200 years, why now?❞ ❝Everything happens for a reason, boss.❞ ❝We have to find her.❞ ❝No, we stick to the plan.❞ ❝So we just leave her out in the open?❞ ❝We’re out in the open..❞ ❝We’re the ones who are exposed now.❞ ❝You can’t tell me you don’t remember what it was like.❞ ❝Whoever she is, she’s confused, and she’s scared, and she’s more alone than she has ever been in her entire life.❞ ❝We all remember what it was like.❞ ❝She needs us.❞ ❝I’ll handle the retrieval.❞ ❝What do we do in the meantime?❞ ❝I’ll meet you there.❞ ❝I know I saw her die.❞ ❝A little blood can look like a lot.❞ ❝Let’s see the trophy.❞ ❝Fuck me. There’s not even a scratch.❞ ❝That what the doctor said?❞ ❝You’ve seen my research.❞ ❝What about the hard proof?❞ ❝Recovering an uncontaminated sample of the site proved impossible.❞ ❝But you promised me hard proof.❞ ❝There was an unanticipated amount of carnage.❞ ❝I think I can get you one.❞ ❝These are extraordinary individuals. They are extremely resistant to capture.❞ ❝Make a plan, make it happen.❞ ❝Orders just came through. They’re sending you to ______ for more tests.❞ ❝But I’m fine.❞ ❝Been looking for you.❞ ❝Why does it have to be so goddamn slow the first couple of times?❞ ❝You shot me.❞ ❝I need you to get back in the car, please.❞ ❝This isn’t real. No, none of this is real.❞ ❝You haven’t figured this out yet?❞ ❝You can’t die.❞ ❝Get up.❞ ❝Can you please not do that again?❞ ❝Who are you?❞ ❝You’ve got questions, kid.❞ ❝You want more answers?❞ ❝You want more answers? Get back in the car.❞ ❝Put those on.❞ ❝Where are you taking me?❞ ❝You’ve got blood in your hair.❞ / ❝Wonder why?❞ ❝This guy’s a drug runner.❞ ❝This the shit you into?❞ ❝Well, sometimes you gotta work with people you don’t wanna eat with.❞ ❝Is this even safe?❞ / ❝Does it really matter?❞ ❝Hey, boss.❞ ❝You find ______?❞ ❝Nothing but dead ends. He knows we’re hunting him.❞ ❝Keep looking. He’s doing the same to us.❞ ❝I have the new one.❞ ❝Well, she stabbed me, so I think she has potential.❞ ❝I’ll see you soon.❞ ❝So, why is this happening to me?❞ ❝I wish I knew.❞ ❝You said you’d have answers.❞ / ❝I didn’t say you’d like them.❞ ❝Are you praying?❞ *laughs softly* ❝God doesn’t exist.❞ / ❝My God does.❞ ❝You know, there was a time when I was worshiped as a god.❞ ❝Don’t worry. I can’t do shit like that.❞ ❝You said there were others. How many?❞ ❝You’re an army of four?❞ ❝So that’s why you took me?❞ ❝So that’s why you took me? So I could join your army.❞ ❝No. This is some bullshit.❞ ❝You must… you must have hypnotized me, or… or, uh, drugged me, or something.❞ ❝And that was a blank that you shot me with.❞ ❝And I was the one who cut your throat. Right?❞ ❝Listen, kid. You already believe in (god). You should just keep following that illogic.❞ ❝You’re already on board with the supernatural.❞ ❝If I were you, I’d get some sleep.❞ ❝We’re not going to Paris.❞ ❝Come here.❞ ❝Sit your ass down!❞ ❝Stand up!❞ ❝You do not listen to her. You listen to me.❞ ❝Trust me. She’s not gonna shoot you. I am.❞ ❝We can jump and survive.❞ ❝I am not jumping from a plane!❞ ❝You don’t speak Russian, do you?❞ ❝Because I told _____ to play dead.❞ ❝You really want to do this, kid?❞

❝We’re done.❞ ❝I said we’re done.❞ ❝You’re very good.❞ ❝What’s your name?❞ ❝You see? You’re already healing faster.❞ ❝Is this real?❞ ❝I got people that love me. People that are gonna worry.❞ ❝They’re going to lock you up.❞ ❝This place has been abandoned for 50 years,❞ ❝So, are you the good guys or bad guys?❞ / ❝Depends on the century.❞ ❝We fight for what we think is right.❞ ❝How are you all in my dreams?❞ ❝We dream of each other.❞ ❝We dream of each other. They stop when we meet.❞ ❝I believe it is because we… we’re meant to find each other.❞ ❝It’s like destiny.❞ ❝No, more like misery loves company.❞ ❝What he said.❞ ❝Yeah, I died fighting with Napoleon.❞ ❝So… you’re even older than him.❞ ❝The love of my life was of the people I’ve been taught to hate.❞ ❝We killed each other.❞ ❝Many times.❞ ❝You’re the oldest.❞ ❝So, how old are you?❞ / ❝Old.❞ ❝How old?❞ / ❝Too old.❞ ❝So, we really never die.❞ ❝Nothing that lives lives forever.❞ ❝But… you said that we were immortal.❞ ❝I know what I said.❞ ❝We mostly are, but we can die. And one of us did.❞ ❝One day, your wounds just don’t heal up anymore, and… we don’t know when or why.❞ ❝So, if we can die, then why would you shoot me? You could have killed me.❞ ❝You could have killed me.❞ ❝You’re too new.❞ ❝It is a lot to understand.❞ ❝Come with me. I’ll show you.❞ ❝That’s not gonna help her.❞ ❝You tell her that.❞ ❝What’s going on?❞ ❝What happened?❞ ❝It’s just a… a bad dream.❞ ❝I dreamed about a woman locked in an iron coffin under the sea.❞ ❝She kept drowning then coming back to life.❞ ❝She was hammering her bloody fists and knees against the iron.❞ ❝She felt like something insane, something furious.❞ ❝But she kept fighting, and she kept drowning.❞ ❝They ran through the world together. Fought thousands of battles side by side.❞ ❝I’ve never been burned alive before.❞ ❝What do you think It’s gonna be like?❞ ❝Excruciating.❞ ❝Just you and me.❞ ❝Until the end.❞ ❝Where are you taking her?❞ ❝You are too powerful together.❞ ❝For creatures such as you, there is no salvation.❞ ❝Why do you blame yourself?❞ ❝I lost a soldier.❞ ❝I feel her pain. Her rage. She feels crazy.❞ ❝Over 500 years in a box at the bottom of the ocean would make anyone insane.❞ ❝That’s the reason we dread capture.❞ ❝I don’t want this. I don’t want ay of it.❞ ❝There isn’t one good thing in any of this.❞ ❝I know this is hard. It’s happening whether you want it or not.❞ ❝I know you’re scared. Me and those three (men/women/people/etc.) in there will keep you safe.❞ ❝We’re all you’ve got.❞ ❝What’s happening?❞ / ❝They found us.❞ ❝You still with me?❞ ❝Hey. Hey. Come on. Come back to me.❞ ❝You’re still in this shitty game with me. You hear me? Now wake up. Wake up!❞ ❝They’re not here.❞ ❝Welcome back, asshole. Thanks for taking your time.❞ ❝It hurts everywhere.❞ ❝How bad is it?❞ / ❝It’s an improvement.❞ ❝A grenade hit me. Lost the plot after that.❞ ❝They’re coming back. They want all of us.❞ ❝You stay here.❞ ❝Wait for my signal.❞ ❝What signal?❞ ❝What does that even mean?❞ ❝You’ll know it when it comes.❞ ❝And, by the way, it’s not always like this now.❞ ❝Big wounds take longer to heal.❞ ❝We’ve got to get out there. We need to help her.❞ ❝No, that’s not the signal.❞ ❝I strongly recommend that we leave right now.❞ ❝Wait for the signal.❞ ❝How the hell can you even tell?❞ ❝_____ did this all herself?❞ ❝That woman has forgotten more ways to kill than entire armies will ever learn.❞ ❝Who are they? How did they find you?❞ ❝I don’t know. Let’s go!❞ ❝____, wake up.❞ ❝I know what you said.❞ ❝What are you gonna do? Kill me?❞ ❝Destati. Destati.❞ ❝Wake up!❞ ❝I’m here. I’m here. Wherever here is.❞ ❝They used gas.❞ ❝I told you, shut up!❞ ❝I need to know he’s okay.❞ ❝That’s sweet. What is he? Your boyfriend?❞ ❝You’re a child. An infant.❞ ❝Your mocking is thus infantile.❞ ❝He is not my boyfriend.❞ ❝This man is more to me than you can dream.❞ ❝He’s the moon when I’m lost in darkness and warmth when I shiver in cold.❞ ❝And his kiss still thrills me, even after a millennia.❞ ❝His heart overflows with the kindness of which this world is not worthy of.❞ ❝I love this man beyond measure and reason. He’s not my boyfriend.❞ ❝He’s all and he’s more.❞ ❝I don’t suppose it would be possible to get these chains off of us?❞ ❝I guess not.❞ ❝We are usually a better judge of character.❞ ❝I suppose you are taking us to the person who paid for your betrayal.❞ ❝It’s a nice plane.❞ ❝There’s a TV, ____.❞ ❝What is this place?❞ / ❝An abandoned mine.❞ ❝I used to keep my stuff here.❞ ❝This is an honest-to-God Rodin.❞ ❝It can hardly be unique if they can make another copy.❞ ❝I’ve got to go.❞ ❝I am truly honored to meet you.❞ ❝Together, we shall do such things.❞ ❝What they are yet, I know not, but they shall be the terrors of the Earth.❞ ❝Or, um, rather the saviors.❞ ❝Um, can we take the cuffs off?❞ ❝No, sir. We can’t.❞ ❝My apologies. Let’s get off on the right foot, shall we?❞ ❝Our work here is all about balance.��� ❝There’s your balance, asshole.❞ ❝I was provided footage of your unique talent, but I prefer my evidence to be indisputable.❞ ❝God damn it! Ugh!❞ ❝What do you see?❞ ❝Now, I didn’t ask for their little permissions. I’m not gonna ask for yours.❞ ❝He thinks you’re a mouse, _____.❞ ❝There’s genetic code inside you which could help every human being on earth.❞ ❝We’re morally obliged to take it.❞ ❝What is that? Wait!❞ ❝I’ll keep you informed of my progress.❞ ❝Yes. Yes, you do that.❞ ❝This is about science, not profits… or sadism.❞ ❝Come on, ____. You’ve been working on that for hours.❞ ❝He leaves no footprints. It’s gonna take time.❞ ❝Follow the money.❞ ❝I’m sure you already tried that.❞ ❝Yeah, it won’t hurt to try again.❞ ❝You know how it works. Get some sleep while you can.❞ ❝I brought you a change of clothes.❞ ❝I’m going out for a bit.❞ ❝Are you alright, boss?❞ ❝Just because we keep living doesn’t mean we stop hurting?❞ ❝I thought you were the brains of this outfit.❞ ❝Tell you what I do wonder… is why you? And why now?❞ ❝What about you? You have someone?❞ ❝I had three sons.❞ ❝The only way is forward now.❞ ❝What do you mean?❞ ❝You’ll always and forever be the young woman right there… but everyone around you, everyone you love, is gonna grow old, is gonna suffer, and is gonna die.❞ ❝If you try to touch their lives, well… they will get to learn your secreat.❞ ❝They will beg you to share it with them, and you won’t be able to. And they won’t believe you, of course.❞ ❝And they will tell you that you don’t love them. That your love is weak, or selfish.❞ ❝And you will never forget the hate and despair in their eyes.❞ ❝And you will know what it is to lose everyone you’ve ever loved.❞ ❝Do you have a bathroom?❞ ❝Do you need help?❞ ❝Stitches would be better, but… this will help.❞ ❝You haven’t asked.❞ ❝Your business is yours. You need help. What does it matter why?❞ ❝Today, I put this on your wound. Tomorrow… you help someone up when they fall.❞ ❝We’re not meant to be alone.❞ ❝Help me! Why won’t it stop?❞ ❝This can’t be happening.❞ ❝It’s time.❞ ❝It’s impossible.❞ ❝How long will the testing take?❞ ❝Until we have results we can replicate.❞ ❝Do you feel the wound trying to close?❞ ❝They go in the vault. They stay there under lock and key.❞ ❝For… ever?❞ ❝We can’t have them strolling back out into the world.❞ ❝What does it matter to them?❞ ❝Remarkable.❞ ❝You will not be able to give him what he wants.❞ ❝You think I go too far? That I am unethical?❞ ❝I would say immoral.❞ ❝I believe this can change the world.❞ ❝A fine justification. I’ve heard it so many times before.❞ ❝As much as I like watching you sleep, I’m glad you’re awake.❞ ❝Bed head?❞ / ❝Nicely tousled.❞ ❝Do you know, I was thinking about Malta?❞ ❝What time in Malta?❞ ❝Oh, that time in Malta.❞ ❝We should go back there.❞ ❝That would be nice.❞ ❝You have my phone?❞ ❝Where’s your father?❞ ❝You come from warriors.❞ ❝I can’t remember what my mother looked like. Or my sisters. None of them.❞ ❝Time steals it all away, I guess.❞ ❝It’s not what time steals… it’s what it leaves behinds. Things you can’t forget.❞ ❝I gave up searching for her. I made _____ a promise, and I broke it.❞ ❝I’m getting _____ back. Whatever it takes.❞ ❝’Whatever it takes’?❞ ❝Guys, I found something. An address. We gotta go.❞ ❝Go scout the back.❞ ❝I can’t do this.❞ / ❝Yes, you can.❞ ❝I mean, I’m not doing this.❞ ❝You’re one of us now.❞ ❝We would do the same for you.❞ ❝I never even had a choice.❞ ❝None of us had a choice. There isn’t a choice.❞ ❝The day I died, I killed the guy that killed me.❞ ❝They try to condition us, you know? Thousands of hours of training. But they can’t teach you how to live with it.❞ ❝You’ve gotta feel it. Every one.❞ ❝I saw what you did in that church. All those bodies.❞ ❝Is that supposed to be me?❞ ❝Is that what we’re supposed to do, and we don’t even know why?❞ ❝You think knowing is gonna make you sleep better at night?❞ ❝I can’t be that.❞ ❝I still have time with them.❞ ❝Take the car, and when you ditch it, ditch the weapons.❞ ❝You gonna be okay?❞ ❝Where’s ______?❞ ❝You and me, _____. Now and always.❞ ❝What are you doing?❞ ❝Calm down.❞ ❝You set us up?❞ ❝Please listen.❞ ❝What was dismissed as a myth was, in fact, immortality.❞ ❝You could help end needless suffering.❞ ❝Humanity needs you to share your gifts.❞ ❝Humanity can screw itself.❞ ❝Don’t, you fucking coward.❞ ❝Why? Why, ____?❞ ❝If he can discover how we keep living, he might find a way how to end it.❞ ❝Hey. That’s what you wanted.❞ ❝Oh, _____. What have you done?❞ ❝Not like this, ______.❞ ❝What’s going on? You’re still bleeding.❞ ❝You’re still bleeding.❞ ❝What? Shit.❞ ❝She’s not healing.❞ ❝Look at this. She’s not healing.❞ ❝Go get something. Go on! Go on!❞ ❝_____, look at me. Look at me. Why didn’t you tell me?❞ ❝It wouldn’t have changed anything.❞ ❝Get her out of here.❞ ❝Secure him.❞ ❝Nice work, ______.❞ ❝Look at you.❞ ❝Why isn’t she healing?❞ ❝I don’t know.❞ ❝She’s not immortal.❞ ❝What do you mean, ‘not immortal’?❞ ❝I mean it’s gone.❞ ❝You’re a bloody mess.❞ ❝Now, how old are you?❞ ❝Come closer and I’ll tell you.❞ ❝Let’s get them home.❞ ❝Let her go.❞ ❝I’m sorry, _____. I’m sorry.❞ ❝Hold him still.❞ ❝If it’s true and she’s somehow not immortal anymore, then she might not survive the testing.❞ ❝This will be murder.❞ ❝As if the CIA never disappeared anyone.❞ ❝As if they never conducted covert research.❞ ❝No. No, this is not what we agreed.❞ ❝We don’t stop.❞ ❝She’s not healing. I killed her.❞ ❝Keep her alive at all costs.❞ ❝All things die.❞ ❝What was that?❞ ❝Everything has to die.❞ ❝The only reason we haven’t is that it’s not our time yet.❞ ❝It is now _______’s (time), nothing you can do will stop it.❞ ❝You’d be surprised by what my products can do.❞ ❝I will carve slices off you for years to get what I want.❞ ❝Your time is coming.❞ / ❝As is yours.❞ ❝I expect results!❞ ❝He sent you to finish me off.❞ ❝Son of a bitch!❞ ❝You’re another one.❞ ❝Yeah. I’m new.❞ ❝Where are they?❞ ❝They’re in a lab being tested. Tortured.❞ ❝She’s in it. She can’t see it.❞ ❝I thought it could be the end of disease.❞ ❝I thought it could be the end of suffering.❞ ❝It was supposed to be a gift… to the world.❞ ❝It wasn’t your gift to give.❞ ❝Why would the immortality end?❞ ❝What are you doing?❞ ❝I’m gonna make this right.❞ ❝Your dying won’t do that.❞ ❝But I’m supposed to let you walk in there by yourself?❞ ❝Out of the two of us, I’m the one who will walk out of there again, one way or another.❞ ❝You got me here.❞ ❝Floor’s closed. How’d you get up here?❞ ❝Sorry, I was just looking—❞ ❝Hands! Let me see your hands!❞ ❝We’ve had an intruder.❞ ❝You selfish piece of shit!❞ ❝____, leave it. Please!❞ ❝What do you know of the weight of all these years alone?❞ ❝You’re a pathetic man, ______.❞ ❝You two always had each other, right?❞ ❝All we had was our grief.❞ ❝Well, now you have even more.❞ ❝I’m locking you down in the penthouse until this is over.❞ ❝Immortal or not, you made a promise. Whatever it takes.❞ ❝I’ve seen it. I know all the good you’ve done.❞ ❝You came back.❞ ❝No, just leave me here.❞ ❝No man left behind.❞ ❝There’s always a first time. He’s nothing but a traitor.❞ ❝Stop! This is not the time for it.❞ ❝We don’t get a say in when it ends. We never have.❞ ❝But we can control how we live.❞ ❝And, to be honest, you and I, we’ve been doing a shit job of it.❞ ❝Now, get up. Let’s go.❞ ❝We stop him here and now or he never stops coming after us.❞ ❝Are you sure?❞ This changes nothing. We walk out of here like always. Together.❞ ❝Let’s get this motherfucker.❞ ❝What’s your location?❞ ❝Enough of this shit.❞ ❝This gonna be like the last signal?❞ ❝Go big or go home.❞ ❝Stay tight to me, okay?❞ ❝I’ll protect you.❞ ❝I go through first.❞ ❝I always go through first.❞ ❝If this doesn’t work out, next time, you go first.❞ ❝What the hell are they waiting for?❞ ❝You shot _____. You shouldn’t have done that.❞ ❝He’s getting away!❞ ❝It just hurts. Actually, everything hurts.❞ ❝Well, wait until tomorrow.❞ ❝I think you showed up when I lost my immortality so I could see what it was like. So I could remember.❞ ❝Remember what it was like to feel unbreakable. Remarkable.❞ ❝You reminded me there are people still worth fighting for.❞ ❝I know how I want to spend the time I’ve got left.❞ ❝You’re gonna spend it with us.❞ ❝You selfish little bitch!❞ ❝I will kill her!❞ ❝All the lives you could save.❞ ❝Don’t you see what we could do here?❞ ❝You are priceless.❞ ❝Do you think he speaks Russian?❞ ❝Play dead, motherfucker.❞ ❝Faster than the elevator.❞ ❝How’s it going?❞ ❝They’re still deciding.❞ ❝There’s not much to decide. It’s not like they can kill me.❞ ❝Oh, she gave it back?❞ ❝My family will mourn, but, uh… they’ll be able to move on.❞ ❝I just really want to hear my mom’s voice one more time.❞ ❝You’re a good kid. You’re gonna be great for the team.❞ ❝There’s got to be a price.❞ ❝One hundred years from today, they’ll meet you here. Till then, you’re alone.❞ ❝I hoped for less, but I expected more.❞ ❝______ was gonna let you off with an apology.❞ ❝Just give her some time.❞ ❝I’m gonna miss you.❞ ❝I won’t see you again.❞ ❝Have a little faith.❞ ❝This is only what I’ve found going back the last 150 years or so.❞ ❝When you think about how old you are, the good you’ve done for humanity becomes exponential.❞ ❝Maybe this is the why.❞ ❝It’s nearly impossible to disappear in the world we live in today.❞ ❝There are too many people like you who can bend it to your will. Too many with bad intentions.❞ ❝We don’t have all the answers, but we do have purpose.❞ ❝And you’re going to help us.❞ ❝When we leave a footprint in the sand, in the snow, in the ether, you’re going to sweep it.❞ ❝You’re going to protect us from those who want to put us in cages, and you’re gonna help us find those jobs that are best suited to us.❞ ❝She’s not asking.❞ ❝I’d be honored.❞ ❝Then let’s get to work.❞ ❝It’s nice to finally meet you.❞

[talpup]

Crossroads:2

Summary: Loss will make a person do terrible things they never thought themselves capable of doing. Things like wanting the mobsters responsible for your little brothers death to pay so badly you’ll summon a Demon to make it happen.

Maya did just that, but little did she know that the Demon would ask for her soul as the price. Or that when she refused give it to him, he would put her in the path of someone possibly much worse.

Kai is offering to help her but what he wants is so much more than her soul. He wants her everything.

Please remember, this fic is rated explicit and has warnings of sex, violence, and other possible triggers.

***If you prefer reading off AO3 here’s the link for that: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23565748/chapters/56963527

If you enjoyed reading this at all please comment and let me know. Since I post for free, think of it as nice way of leaving a tip.  And since comments are the only thing that encourages me to keep editing and posting, it’s also a benefit for you.

Thank you to those who have left hearts.  And a VERY special thank you to those who have recently left comments or re-blogged. They REALLY mean a lot.

As always, an extra special thank you to @inorganicone2230 for their encouragement and friendship, and reading through the draft of this chapter.  This fic started as an idea back in January when they said they’d like to see me write a Kai centered fic.  Through their questions and inspiration Crossroads became a fleshed out story.  They even came up with the title and female insert/oc’s name.  I might be the one writing this fic; but it’s as much theirs as it is mine.

2.1

For the sixth morning in a row Maya woke up in a bed that wasn’t her own.  The horrid nightmare faded, leaving her feeling just as exhausted as when she had gone to bed.  She turned, bleary eyes focusing on the man whose room she slept in.

Chisaki Kai.

Her breath caught seeing his gold eyes locked on her.

“You were restless again.”

His words were spoken with such familiarity that it both agitated and put her at ease.

“I saw him die again.”  Maya confessed, turning away.

Kai put aside the papers he hadn’t looked at in more than an hour, the sight of her much more enthralling than the work he had to do. “It will lessen and fade.”

He sounded as if he were speaking from experience.  Then again, Maya supposed that as a mob boss Kai would have witnessed terrible things that haunted and were never truly forgotten.

A Mob Boss.  The idea was still hard to grasp.  The Demon Dabi had certainly spoken true when he had said he would give her another way to see her justice done.

Kai wasn’t the average Mob Boss, though he certainly didn’t seem any less ruthless.  At least not when he had agreed to help her see the men that killed her brother dead after hearing her story. She had thought the offer too good to be true, and when Kai had brought her back to the Shie Hassaikai’s compound she had been sure the payment for his help would be unsavory.

Not that she wasn’t unaccustomed to unsavory deals.  The ones she had occasionally been forced to make with the landlord to keep a roof over her brothers head when funds were short, made her feel dirty just thinking about it.  But Kai hadn’t asked for such favors.  At least not yet.

She sat up in the plush bed, hugging the soft sheet that probably cost as much as one months rent.

“I don’t know if I want them to fade.  Yet I want to wipe them away with something else.”  She said of the reel of memories that detailed her brothers death.  “Does that make sense?”

Kai looked her over, fingers twitching, wanting to rip the covering sheet away and expose her to view. “It does.”

She turned back to him.  He sat on the lounge that he had taken as his bed these past six nights, though by the look of him she doubted slept much.

The piece of furniture was likely a thousand times more comfortable than her bed back home, but she still felt bad for taking his bed.  Then again it was Kai who had said that she needed to sleep in his quarters.  His reason being so she wouldn’t be disturbed by his men knocking and sniffing around.  She might’ve thought the offer somewhat chivalrous if it had been an offer rather than an already decided statement.

Her eyes skimmed over him, taking in his handsome face.  His fine tailored shirt and pants were rumbled. His jacket, tie, and vest, like his dust mask, long since removed once they had entered his private rooms.  The top two buttons of his shirt were undone and she couldn’t help but linger on the peek of chest and collarbone.

She had occasionally seen the definition of his chest and abs when the fabric of his shirt pulled just so. Even the sleeve garters, perfectly fitted as they were, strained slightly when his biceps flexed.

Kai sat back and let her get a good look.  It had become something of a morning routine with her. One he didn’t want to get too comfortable in.  He would much rather have a routine where he woke up beside her and fucked her into the bed.  But it had only been seven days.  He had to be patient.

He smirked seeing her gaze lower to where his semi-hard cock made a soft tent in his pants.

Just the sight of her in his bed.  Hair mussed.  Night gowns spaghetti strap hanging off a shoulder.  The outline of her body clearly visible under the single, thin sheet.  It stirred something inside him that no other ever had.

His fascination with her had been immediate and surprised even him.  But rather than question it, Kai accepted it. He had wanted her mind, body, and soul from the start.  And the more he learned about her the more that desire grew.

Her openness was a breath of fresh air.  And the fact that she had kept her innocence in spite what had happened was heartening. But just because she remained sweet and innocent didn’t mean that she would suffer vile deeds without seeking just retribution. She was strong in both will and spirit.  And her brand of justice suited his perfectly.

She was a woman that he could share his vision with.  She wouldn’t balk or be frightened by what he and the Shie Hassaikai were doing.  She would understand. She would celebrate his victories with him, and comfort him on trying days, like the one where her brother had died.  It was early times yet, but he could see her eventually giving him children.  A vested interest in seeing his plan come to fruition.  They would strive all the harder to see the filthy and immoral wiped from the earth so that his children could live and grow in an upright and wholesome society, unsullied by the sordid and depraved.

Kai got to his feet and stepped to her.  He brushed back her hair, sighing at the smooth, soft silkiness. He was so use to a detached dullness to everything he felt.  A barrier between him and the filth of the world.  He rarely went without his gloves, unless he was in his private rooms. And even then, the things he touched in his personal space where cold, and hard, and uninviting.

But not her.  She was soft, and warm, and oh so inviting.  The feel of her was a gaslight that burned in the best of ways.  The mere sight of her electricity, lighting up the dark recesses of his soul and showing him needs and desires he never knew he had.

He didn’t want anything between him and her. Didn’t want anything to limit or distance his feel of her. Anything to cover the sight of her.  Anything to shield her innermost thoughts and wants from view.  He would give this woman everything.  And he would take everything she had to give and more.

Maya glanced up at Kai.  She knew that look well enough.  She had seen it on the landlord and numerous others.  But Kai’s gaze held far more than lustful hunger.  There was something else. Something oppressive and almost menacing in his golden hues.  It sent a shiver down her spine, but she told herself it was just the chill from having woken from another nightmare.

Of course Kai’s eyes would hold a darkness that others didn’t.  He was a the leader of the Shie Hassaikai.  A yakuza that even the most violent of bootleggers feared.

Kai fingers curled under her chin, tilting her face up. “What do you say we wipe those memories away with something far more pleasing?”

Maya brightened and for a moment Kai’s soft smile grew.

“You found one of them?” She saw his smile falter and hurried on.  “I mean it’s not as if I had any doubts.  I knew you would. I just I didn’t expect it to be this soon.”

She got out of bed, wrapping the sheet around her.

Out of all the things Kai had provided for her, a robe hadn’t been one. Previously she had fought against him picking out clothes for her to wear each morning; even though she had eventually relented, knowing that she couldn’t exactly dictate how things went here if she wished to see her brother’s killers dead.  But today she’d happily wear whatever Kai wanted her to.

She shot him a smile as she made her way toward the large en suite bathroom.  “I can’t wait to see what you pick for me to wear today.”

The door was closed before Kai could get a word in edgewise.  Not that he would've corrected her faulty presumption.  He didn’t want her thinking less of him when she had been so happy and amazed.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t know who had started the shoot out that day. All For One was a brand of hard booze that Shigaraki Tomura and his gang bootlegged.  They were a relatively small but insidious group whose booze was sold in practically every speakeasy across several counties.

If the plan to poison their latest batch hadn’t been bundled, the world would've potentially been cleansed of thousands, if not tens of thousands of filthy carousers that sought nothing more than their own immoral pleasure.

While the Shigaraki men there that day had been mid-ranked, making a move on any member of the gang would be tantamount to war. Then again, he and his men were already at war with Shigaraki and any others that fed the public's unwholesome thirst.

Kai made his way through his quarters and opened the door to the rest of the house.  A young man that acted as both guard and page straightened and turned.

“Morning, Sir.”

“See that breakfast is prepared, and tell Hari to be in my office in an hour.”

The man nodded, curtly.  “Yes, Sir.”

Kai closed the door.  He would send Hari out to grab the first Shigaraki man he came across. He didn’t even have to be one of those who had been part of the shootout.  They were all guilty anyway.

He supposed it was time to start looking in truth for those that had been part of the shootout that day.  Maya deserved the justice she wanted after all.  And she undoubtedly be all the more grateful to him for giving it to her.

2.2

The day had passed slowly, with a growing tension.  By the time they retired back to Kai’s chambers it was easy to tell Maya was sour.

He pulled off his mask and unbuttoned his suit jacket, letting it slide off.  “You’ve been upset since breakfast. Care to tell me what the matter is?”  He stepped to her, fingers brushing back her hair and tilting her chin up.  “I can’t fix it unless I know what it is, Beautiful.”

Maya tired to turn her face away, but found her chin caught in Kai’s grip.

“Don’t turn away for me.”  His hold lightened, thumb brushing across her lips.  “I’ve given so much to you.  A promise of justice.  Safe place to live.  Warm, comfortable bed to rest.  Clothes worthy to be worn and touch the likes of you.  And what have I asked in return? Nothing.  The least you can do is show me the respect I am due by looking at and answering me.”

She would've argued that this was more of a place to stay, not live; and like the bed and clothes, something she hadn’t asked for.  But he had been right about her rudeness.  Kai did deserve her thanks and respect for what he was doing for her brother’s cause.

She blinked up at him and apologized.  “I’m sorry, Kai.  You’re right.”

Kai smiled, hand caressing her face.  She was just so soft and warm, he couldn’t help himself.  He just had to touch her.

“So tell me, Beautiful.  What’s been bothering you all day?”

She swallowed.  Would it seem ungrateful to say she was disappointed? Probably.  But she also didn’t want to lie.  Lying wasn’t who she was, and a part of her was frightened to try it with him, even if the truth had a chance of making him upset.

“It’s just that this morning I had thought that one of my brother’s killers had been put down.  Only to learn that wasn’t so, but your men were closing on one.  I had hoped that we would get news he had been taken out.  But as the day progressed…”  She looked down and away.  “Now it’s late and I’m going to bed knowing that all of my brother’s killers are still live.  It’s not right that he’s dead and they get to live another day. He was so good.  Such a happy, helpful young boy.”  Her gazed lifted to him. “I know it sounds ungrateful and I’m sorry.  I’m not ungrateful. Truly.  But I can’t help how I feel and don’t want to lie.”

He kissed her forehead.  He couldn’t help himself.

As wonderful as the affection felt, he didn’t like the way she tensed at the contact.

“That’s good.  You should never lie to me, Darling.  No matter what you have to say.  You should always tell me the truth.  Even if it’s bad.  It would be better to tell me than to lie.  Lying to me is unacceptable and would be painful for us both.  You understand?”

Maya’s heart beat rapidly in her chest.

“Answer me, Sweetheart.”

“Yes.”

Kai smiled at her whispered response.  “So soft and meek for me.  I didn’t mean to frighten you, Maya.  I simply want you to understand that I won’t tolerate anything between us.”

“I… understand.”

Every fiber in her being was telling her to run.  But Kai’s towering frame was blocking the door. Though in truth she probably wouldn’t have run anyway.  Her will to see those who killed her brother punished far outweighed any sense of self preservation.  She had given up her body and innocence before to shelter and provide for him.  He was the only family she had.  The only reason she had to kept on going. Without him her life was without purpose.  All she had left was her revenge.  And Kai had promised to give it to her.

“Good. I’m glad we understand each other.”  He hand traveled from her face down her neck to her shoulder. “Now.  As for your disappointment.  There’s no reason to be distraught. Hari has found one of them and they will be dead by morning.  I promise.”

“I want to see.”

Kai’s expression darkened.  “Don’t you trust me?”

“It’s not a matter of trust.  Of course I trust you.  It’s just…  These men killed my brother.  I can’t get that horrid memory out of my head.”  Her eyes squeezed shut, brows furrowing. “It’s always there.  Him laying in that dirty street.  Pained and scared and bleeding out, and then lifeless.” Her eyes opened, gazing fixing on him. “You said it would fade; but I don’t want it to.  I want to wipe it out with the image of them.  Dead and bleeding.  I want to see it.  To see them.  They need to suffer and die for what they did.  And I want to watch it happen.”

Kai paused.

Her words both thrilled and concerned him.  He was glad to see such a fire for justice in her.  It further proved how perfect she was for him. That she would understand and support his cause.  Yet at the same time, for his sweet, innocence darling to be so blood thirsty that she wanted to watch these men die…

“Are you sure?”

She pulled back from him.  “Of course I’m sure!”

“Calm down.  Don’t raise you voice at me.”

There was a heat within Kai’s low even voice that made Maya shuddered.  “Sorry.”

Rather than step to her, Kai beckoned her back with a single crooked finger. He waited impatiently as she slowly stepped back to him, gold eyes looking her over.

His hands were on her again as soon as she pulled up close.  “I asked because seeing a person intentionally murdered is different than seeing someone killed.”

“My--”

Kai pressed two fingers to her lips.  “I wasn’t done, Precious. Don’t interrupt me.”

He both felt and saw her lips pull in and press together, and had to lower his hand least he pressed his fingers into her mouth as well.

Later, he told himself.  Soon enough his fingers and cock would fill her mouth. Good luck interrupting me then, he thought, dick twitching in interest. And if she still dared try to do so, he would fuck her till she was such a mess that she was incapable of words.

“These men are disgusting, vile creatures, Maya. They don’t deserve a swift and painless death.  Are you sure you can handle that?”

She watched him a moment, considering.  Finally she shook her head.

Kai could see in her eyes that despite her answer, she wasn’t happy.

“But you still want to see something.”  He prodded.

Maya nodded.

“Words.” Kai commanded.

“Yes.”

He stepped around her imagining that yes was in response to a very different sort of prodding.  His hand traced around her shoulder, fingers curling under the embroidered strap of her dress.  So beautiful, he thought.  So soft, and warm, and welcoming.

“Do you trust me, Darling?” His chest pressed against her back, breath tickling her ear.  “Do you trust me to know what’s good for you?”

She couldn’t wholly say yes to that, but knew no wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear.  Yet she knew he would know if she were lying. She considered the situation of her brothers vengeance.  How Kai was helping her, and had sought to protect her from something she might not have been ready for.

If she focused on that aspect alone she could give the answer he wanted without falsehood.

“Yes.”

“Yes what, Dearest?”  His moved and spoke into her other ear “Let me hear you say it.”

“I trust you, Kai.”

Kai ran a hand over her silken hair.  “Such a good girl for me.”

Maya swallowed.  Maybe she should've sold her soul to Dabi.  But where Dabi had asked for eternity, whatever Kai wanted would only last until justice had been fully met.

Kai felt her unease and decided not to push.  He had one last meeting with Hari before he could fully unwind and rest within his quarters.  And now, he had a new order to give his Lieutenant as well. One that he hoped would make his Darling very happy.

Kai pressed a kiss to her head and pulled his gloves back on.  “Wash up and get ready for bed.  I’ll be back shortly.”

2.3

Hari entered his boss’ office prepared to give the days report.  But as soon as he closed the door, Kai spoke.

“This lackey of Shigaraki’s you found.  Is he on ice yet?”

“No, Sir.  But he will be by morning.  I guarantee it.”

Kai laced his fingers, focusing on his Lieutenant. “Good. And the search for the men that killed Maya’s brother?”

“As you know, we just started looking in earnest this morning.  But there’s a number of leads.  We will find and take them out soon enough.”

“Good.” Kai sat back, gesturing for Hari to sit.

Hari did so but remained quiet, patiently waiting. He knew his boss well enough to know there something was on else his mind.  It was safe to say that whatever it was, it was about the woman upstairs in Kai’s rooms.

Maya. Her looks alone were enough for Hari to understand the attraction. But Kai’s interest in her went far deeper than that. While Hari didn’t understand it, he didn’t question it.  It was enough that Kai wanted her and had told him to respect her as he would him.

Kai rubbed at his brow. “She wants to see him.”

His Boss sounded tired. Hari had noted the minute changes in him over the last few day, telling of Kai’s lack of rest. But it wasn’t his place to give his leader orders, even if those orders were simply to get some sleep and for Kai’s own good.

“What to see who, Sir?”

“The filth.”

“The one we’re taking out tomorrow?”

Kai nodded.

“Is that wise?”  Hari questioned, carefully.

“I talked her out of seeing him killed.”

Hari managed to silence his scoff.  He found the idea of her wanting to see the man killed naive. It had been years since he had witnessed his first hit; but he could still remember it clearly.  He could still smell the blood, and hear the cries that became muffled and slowly turned to nothing. He had committed countless hits far more gruesome than the first one he had seen, but it still stood out among all the rest.

“Bring his head.”  Kai ordered.

“Boss?”

“You heard me.”

Hari nodded not sure how seeing a mans severed head was much better.

“She’s to be my woman, Hari.  There is nothing I will deny her.  So long as it suits me.”

“Yes, Sir.”

2.4

Maya was already in bed by the time Kai returned.  She sat up, watching him take off his mask and gloves.

“You work hard.”

Kai turned, the tension in his shoulders melting at the mere sight of her.  Truly, how had he managed without her in his life?  It had only been seven days but he couldn’t imagine going back to a life without her.

If only he could get a proper nights sleep, everything would be perfect. Well, almost perfect.  Things wouldn’t be perfect until Maya understood the way of things and accepted it.  But he was taking that slowly, not wanting to frighten and force her.

He undid the final button of his vest, and loosened his tie. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t.”

Kai stepped over to the bed, eyes narrowed with concern. “Trouble getting to sleep?”

“Yeah.”

It was partially true.  She certainly wasn’t going to tell him that she had grown accustomed to the sound of him shuffling through papers while he worked in the lounge sofa near the bed.  That she apparently needed the sound and presence of him to fall asleep.

She told herself that it was because she was in a new house filled with scary men and foreign noises.  She was use to the sounds her home made. Use to the sound of her little brother snoring lightly in the pallet across the room, a single hanging sheet their sole means of privacy. Though filled with nightmares, her first night in this room, with Kai watching over her had been the first night she had actually slept since her brothers death.  Kai had become her comfort.  Her refuge.  She needed him. At least she needed him if she wished to sleep.

Kai smiled softly, chest swelling that his absence had caused her unrest.  He took the open book laid out beside her, and closed it.

“Well I’m here now, Darling.  You can rest easy.”  He brushed her hair back, caressing her cheek. “I’m having Hari bring a surprise for you tomorrow.  So I suggest you lay down and get some rest.”

Her hand clutched his forearm.

Kai’s fingers paused along her cheek, waiting to see if she would further or try to push away his affection. She did neither, hand simply holding him.  Though he wanted more, he decided that it was enough for now.

“Do you often work through the night?”

Kai’s fingers resumed their caressing. “When I need to.  The ills of booze and chaos it creates won’t be wiped away without hard work and effort.”

“Still. I can’t help but think that my being here has disturbed your time of peace and restoration.”

“You’re presence has brought me more peace and rest than I ever knew possible.”  Kai asserted, so enthralled by the soft, warm feel of her that he missed her glance to the white velvet sofa.

She gently pulled his hand away. “Yet these sleepless nights are taking a toll. I can see it.”

“I’m fine.”  Kai frowned, fingers itching to touch her.

Maya sighed and nudged him back.  He was just like her brother.  Clearly overtired yet claiming he could stay up to play, or in this case work.  She wasn’t having it.

Kai didn’t budge.  Then he saw her legs swing over the bed and stepped back.  Not so much to give her space, but to get a better view.  His eyes roamed over her, taking in the tender, luminescent skin of her thighs that the bunched up nightgown afforded.

“Seriously, Kai.  How much longer can you go on like this?”  She stood up and gestured to the lounge. “Is it because the sofa’s uncomfortable?  I told you I could sleep in it.”

Kai closed the small distance between them, chest practically touching hers. “No, you can’t.  What kind of man would I be if I let my lady take the couch?”

Her skin prickled at him calling her his.  But she ignored the sense of warning and told herself it was because of the cool air hitting her skin from having gotten out of a warm bed.  She told herself that she was doing this so there would be justice for her brother.  That she had done and suffered worse for him than letting someone like Kai call her theirs.

Kai’s eyes lowered. Standing this close, the cut of her nightgowns neck allowed him to see a tantalize amount of skin.  The pure white fabric thin enough that he was left wondering if he could actually see the color of her pebbled nipples, or if it was imagined.

Maya sighed.  She knew she was going to regret this, but it wasn’t right.  Taking Kai’s bed.  Watching him slowly succumb to exhaustion.  She couldn’t do it.  Not while he was already doing so much for her and her cause.  Her pride wouldn’t have it.  More than that, her instincts as a caretaker wouldn’t allow it.

“Come on. Sleep in your own bed.”

Kai’s gold eyes darkened.  “I don’t like repeating myself, Sweetheart.”

“I mean join me.”  She saw his stern gaze turn ravenous, and clarified. “To sleep.” She crossed her arms suddenly feeling terribly exposed. “You can’t run a gang, let alone help me get justice if you keep on staying up working through the night.”

Kai smiled, pleased. It might not have been exactly what he wanted; but it was a sizable step toward it.  And she had been the one to suggest it.

She truly was perfect.  So thoughtful and caring.  She had noticed how little sleep he had been getting and the toll it was having. And like a good mate, had sought to give him what he needed.

Hands on her hips Kai stepped her backwards, a self satisfied smirk tugging at his lips.

The back of Maya’s legs hit the bed.  She jumped, hands clutching at the sleeves of his shirt. What had she done?  She hadn’t meant…

“Get into bed, Beautiful.”

At his hands gentle urging, she sat down with a plop.

Kai’s smile grew.  His darling was so sweet and obedient.  He wondered if he could take her right now.  But he wouldn’t push.  Maybe tomorrow night, after he had presented her with her gift.

Yes, he thought.  She would be so pleased and grateful that she wouldn’t deny him anything then.  With his gift he will have proven that he was just as perfect for her as she was for him.  That he was a man of his word, and would provide and protect her from the filth of this world.

He gave the apple of her cheek a chaste kiss.  With one last smile, he turned away, pulling off vest and tie.

“I’ll shower and get cleaned up, then join you in bed.  We can sleep and dream of tomorrow.”

[thegeminisage]

on a lighter note 4.10 is probably one of my favorite episodes in the entire series...i did re-stan arthur for like ten minutes near the end...it was So Good. a cut because i talked for so long about how good it is:

first of all i love that the episode opens with everyone giving elyan shit not because i dislike elyan (i love him he does not deserve to be the butt of jokes) but because i like that as far as this group of guys goes their primary form of affection is roasting each other. that’s toxic masculinity! it’s also a little charming

when i first watched this episode i thought the reason arthur looked so spooked at the shrine was that it was spooky and potentially magic and he’s not down with magic. rewatching it now that i Know has me screaming into my hands!!! when he first catches sight of it he looks as though he’s seen a ghost and watching his slow creeping recognition is like. mm. really good. good stuff

(as an aside: i’m not talking about it: but if i was: merlin calling arthur nothing but sire during this ENTIRE EPISODE as a form of rebellion because he’s still pissed about gwen is a whole ass mood. i have never loved merlin so much as i did when he was gwen’s only friend and stuck up for her and stuck his neck out for her REPEATEDLY despite knowing it could cost him)

gwaine talking about salt circles made me nostalgic for a different show :’)

arthur with stew in his hair is what he deserves

i was VERY MAD AT HIM for this WHOLE EPISODE so when (possessed) elyan was trying to kill him i was all YEAH BABE CMON GO RIGHT FOR THE NECK but then arthur USED HIS FOOTSTOOL AS A SHIELD and effectively fought off an ARMED ATTACKER while TOTALLY WEAPONLESS. it’s so under-appreciated there aren’t even gifs of it (i know, i looked, i would kill for some). it’s one of the coolest fight scenes in this entire series despite only being 20 seconds long. my love for arthur pendragon returned with a vengeance and i had a good bit of difficulty shoving it back down

elyan’s buddies all tracking him down and tricking him into surrendering peacefully only for percival to punch him in the face to knock him out. GUUUYSSS come on

merlin like straight up weeping upon witnessing the BRUTAL GENOCIDE that “uther” committed there 20 years ago is like...jesus FUCKING christ. they went SO hard.

ok so do we all remember in 2.08 when arthur tried to kill his dad (changed my life......) in the throne room or dining room or wherever that is and uther would only block and not strike back because arthur’s rage was just and true?? WELL PARALLELS because now arthur’s the one blocking and not attacking and i know a lot of it is because he didn’t wanna hurt elyan but also in my heart it’s partially because that little kid’s beef with him was LEGIT!!! and i think part of him realized. we even had merlin running up there to put a stop to it and arthur begging him to stop because he didn’t wanna kill him

i think the plot twist at the end of this episode (that it’s arthur, NOT uther, who was responsible for the slaughter of children at the druid camp) was really good and it makes for a very interesting second watch. case in point: arthur’s face when merlin and gaius are explaining to him that the spirit seeks revenge and the only way to save elyan’s life is to atone. very haunting: merlin says that uther is dead, and he can never atone for what he did now. unspoken: arthur’s NOT dead, not yet, and he CAN.

also interesting: merlin’s attempts to comfort arthur fall flat. “you can’t be held responsible for everything your father did” gets a dark look and a quick dismissal. it’s because merlin doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about

it’s a REALLY interesting dynamic swap because usually merlin is the one keeping his secrets close while arthur unknowingly blunders around in the dark trying to guess at what he’s thinking...with this, it’s the other way around, and i gotta say, arthur’s poker face is MUCH better than merlin’s. when he stews on something he stews on it hard. none of merlin’s horsing around and playing the fool and barely scraping by with dumb luck for arthur: he’s a WALL. maybe this is just the arthur stan in me but it makes getting a look at what’s going on in there SO much more gratifying

i know how this sounds, but i almost wonder if arthur didn’t give merlin extra chores on purpose - the extra chores were why he was up so late, and why he saw arthur slipping out of the castle in a cloak...this is far from the first time merlin’s followed him, and far from the first time merlin would witness him totally losing his shit emotionally (2.08 babey), so maybe arthur was scared of going back by himself and didn’t know how to explain the whole thing and ask for the company because toxic masculinity, and it was easier to just set merlin up to do what he naturally does best: be a nosy little shit

evidence: he catches on to merlin’s tailing him VERY quickly (was he looking out for him?) and doesn’t seem at all surprised or angry that he’s there, nor does he order merlin to go back (his exact words are “feel free to go back to camelot anytime you like”) - if you watch very VERY carefully, you can also see his expression shift just a little after merlin states his intention to tag along - there’s just the barest hint of a smile

arthur looks SO SPOOKED walking back into this shrine. it’s so good. he gets real intense

merlin also sort of shifts his weight back after arthur confesses to his checkered past as a WAR CRIMINAL and like...wow

this dynamic. arthur is kind of afraid of magic and merlin is kind of afraid of arthur’s reaction to his magic. and when i say “kind of” what i mean is they’re scared shitless of each other despite trusting each other implicitly. it’s a lot for me. it’s my favorite dynamic in the entire world

i restanned arthur for this section because he was SO GOOD. he’s really actually quite scared of dying (in the opener for s4 he was really troubled by his supposed upcoming doom and in this he lowkey starts to hyperventilate when he thinks the druid kid is about to kill him) but he’s always jumping at the chance to lay down his life anyway - they say atone to save elyan, he fucking atones, even if he has to die for it

AAAAH his whole SPEECH he was YOUNG AND INEXPERIENCED he was TRYING TO PROVE HIMSELF TO HIS DAD he can STILL HEAR THE SCREAMS hes NEVER GONNA LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN god im gonna LOSE MY MIND

like i said aloud going into this “i am still so mad at him he better display some top-tier empathy if he wants out of the doghouse” BUT HE DID...MY BOY...

also i feel like this hug from this kid he GOT KILLED is maybe only the 8th time he’s ever been hugged in his whole entire life

am not a big fan of merlin giving him shit about his lil moment in the end but like also...maybe he was just trying to cheer him up...the way Men do...i hurt

anyway this is like the first sign we’ve seen since arthur’s coronation that maybe he isn’t going to be totally anti-magic like uther forever...the first sign we’ve seen that he truly is anti-genocide...it’s true atonement and it’s Good

and not to give the writers this much credit but in my heart the reason he was so adamant to save that little druid kid (mordred) in season 1?? was because of this, the dead druid children weighing on his conscience. also gives new weight to the very brief scene in i think the s3 finale where he held his sword to a druid kid’s neck in exchange for the cup of life, and maybe explains a little bit why he looked so fucking spooked in there. no they didn’t do it on purpose but why ignore something that’s so good even if it is accidental THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT

[do-your-socks-have-holes-in-them]

Til the End of the Night / Ch20: In which Roman says the fuck word

Previous / Masterpost / Next

Summary: Logan’s plan doesn’t quite work. Patton improvises.

Warnings: mind control, minor fighting-related injuries, death mentions/threats

A/N: there’s like two more chapters left after this it’s so close to being done aaaaa

Taglist: @thegirlthatdoesntofficiallyexist​

AO3

~ ~ ~

Virgil reacted to the witch’s cry almost before Roman did and surged forward, blocking his sword with his own much smaller blade before calling on his magic, forming a dark, swirling shield around his right arm and extending his dagger into a weapon more the size of Roman’s, magical energy arcing off it as if eager to attack. Well, whatever his magic may have wanted, Virgil had no intention of actually hurting Roman. He only rushed to fight him like he did because he didn’t want his opponent’s attention turning to Logan or Patton- he was much better equipped to defend himself than either of them, and so he would try to keep Roman’s focus on himself as much as possible.

Meanwhile, Logan had his own plan. He pulled Patton back, as far away from the fighting as they could get without hitting the wall, and whispered as much to him: “I’ve got a plan.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Patton sighed. Sure, he got a little annoyed sometimes when Logan told him what to do- not that he usually said anything about it- but in this particular situation, it was a relief. Somehow he didn’t think acting on his own impulses right now would turn out very well for anyone.

“For now, all I need you to do is make yourself invisible, and then extend it to me as well.” He looked up once Patton had done as instructed. “It seems the witch has placed a shielding spell around herself. We can’t attack her directly at the moment, but if Roman is removed from the fight, she’ll have no choice but to come out and fight us herself. I wish you hadn’t lost the remaining potions, but it can’t be helped, I’ll just have to improvise.” With Patton holding onto his arm and trying not to be in the way, he searched through his bag and finally dug out the bottle of liquids that glowed when shaken up.

“I’d tell you to stand back for this,” he said to Patton, “but I’m afraid all you can do without letting go of me is try not to breathe on it too hard.” 

With that, as Patton stopped breathing entirely just to be safe, he took a pinch of another component, dropped it in, and gingerly closed the bottle again. The fighting was getting intense- Virgil had successfully avoided actually hurting Roman, but he wasn’t doing quite so well at keeping Roman from hurting him, and they were both beginning to tire, their movements becoming sloppy. Now seemed like a pretty good time to end it. Logan counted under his breath, three seconds, and threw the bottle against the ground at Roman’s feet.

Approximately no one except Logan was expecting the small explosion that resulted. Even the Dragon Witch flinched. Fortunately, every potential witness in the room was either deep in a magically-induced slumber or already on her To-Murder list anyway.

Virgil all but threw himself away, ending up curled in a bubble shield trying to convince himself he wasn’t dead. Roman’s response was a little more interesting, if just as instinctive. He was still knocked away and to the floor- the expanding bubble would have done it if the explosion hadn’t- but as soon as he realized what was happening, he was shielded from explosive-based harm by a spell from the witch, and retroactively always had been. This meant that, retroactively, the witch hadn’t had enough power left over for her own shield, and was instead a safe distance away behind the throne while Roman fought for her. She didn’t seem to notice that anything had changed, though- in her mind, it hadn’t.

Roman was taking his time getting to his feet. Enough time that, when Virgil tumbled out of his bubble a second later, Patton was able to rush over and check on him. 

“Oh, shoot,” he fretted, running his hands over the places where Virgil was hurt, both from the fight and from the explosion. He didn’t have the energy to keep himself invisible and heal at the same time, so his worry was clear in his expression. “You okay, kiddo?”

He shook his head. “I’m… I’m good. Just… what was Logan thinking, exactly? I just wanna know.”

Virgil had his eyes closed, trying to focus on catching his breath again. He could be forgiven, therefore, for not noticing anything when Patton healed a shallow cut over his eyebrow. Logan, however, was standing right next to the two of them, and very much watching, and very much saw when an identical injury appeared on Patton’s face, just before he finished his task and quickly went invisible again.

Oh.

He inhaled sharply. “Patton, I-”

“Prince Roman!”

The Dragon Witch, with an innate sense of dramatic timing both perfect and infuriating, gestured impatiently to Roman, who had only just picked his sword up from the floor and returned to a fighting stance.

“Honestly, I didn’t want to have to tell you how to do your job, but this is going to take all day,” she sighed. “Forget the sword, just use your power and destroy them already!”

This was easier said than done, but in the witch’s defense, she couldn’t have known that. How could she have been expected to realize that the heroes fighting her were not Roman’s creations, as subject to his whims as the interchangeable castle guards, but actual, real people capable of influencing the world in their own right? As it was, though, he couldn’t do anything so simple as render them instantly weak and unable to oppose him any further, or even kill them where they stood by deciding they’d retroactively been poisoned that morning. He couldn’t touch them directly with his power at all. Unfortunately for them, that wouldn’t stop him from manipulating everything else around them, just as he’d done earlier with the weaponized architecture.

Roman’s sword clanged against the stone floor as he abandoned it, instead raising both hands in front of him. The walls of the throne room, began to shift and bubble, as if they were made of liquid rather than the solid, reasonable building materials they were supposed to be.

Virgil had no idea what he was about to do, and he didn’t particularly want to find out, either. He put his own hands up and readied himself to throw a shield around all three of them, but- Patton was still invisible. Where exactly was he? Virgil couldn’t put his shield up until he was sure no one would be left outside it.

“Pat?” he whispered. There was no answer. He cursed, this time managing to put a crack in the floor beneath his feet… or maybe that was just Roman. “Lo, I- I can’t- where is he?” He’d grabbed Logan’s arm without realizing it, subconsciously making sure that he at least wouldn’t get out of protecting range.

Logan didn’t get the chance to answer. One moment, Patton was gone and Roman was about to straight-up murder them, and the next, Patton was visible again and right in front of Roman, throwing himself at him and nearly knocking him over.

Roman reacted quickly. He wrapped one arm firmly around Patton, pinning his arms so he couldn’t attack him, and held the other out to summon his sword back to him. Patton barely struggled, merely wiggling a bit to make it less uncomfortable. Virgil cried out wordlessly- reacting to both the unbelievably stupid thing Patton had just done, and the fact he’d only just now seen his face after healing him- and tried to run to them, but Roman only flicked the sword in his direction and the floor itself tripped him up. He looked back at Logan, panic clear on his own face.

“Lo, he-!”

Logan pressed his lips together and helped him up. “I know.”

The sword was raised, its tip pressing against Patton’s spine, but Roman gave the witch a questioning look before acting any further. After all, he’d been ordered to destroy the heroes using his powers, and he wasn’t sure if that made stabbing entirely out of the question, even when such an easy opportunity presented itself. Fortunately, he didn’t get the chance to find out before Patton shifted just a bit more and pressed their foreheads together, and the whole room was filled with a near-blinding blue light.

Logan and the Dragon Witch cried out in unison. “No!”

When the light faded, Roman and Patton were tangled together on the floor, both unconscious, and the witch had been knocked back by the surge of energy. Their friends rushed to their sides, now that they were able to do so without Roman’s power interfering. Logan immediately began trying to wake Patton, something slightly frantic in his eyes, and Virgil was halfway to forming a shield around all four of them when Roman began to stir. Being trapped with the evil, controlled version of him was still just as bad an idea as it had ever been. As he opened his eyes, Virgil pulled Patton against his chest, holding him protectively in case Roman woke up and went right back to wanting to stab him.

That… wasn’t what happened, though. He blinked up at them- actually looked at them, not through them with blank eyes- and coughed weakly. “What… what happened?”

Virgil nearly choked on the breath he’d been holding and threw himself forward to hug him. It didn’t work so well, with him still clinging to Patton, and everyone ended up a little squished.

Logan cleared his throat, trying very hard to pretend he wasn’t emotionally affected by anything at all. Ever. “Ah- I hate to interrupt, but I really think we ought to save this for after the Dragon Witch is defeated.” He looked across the room at her, holding her head as she got up, and thought to himself that people had been getting conveniently thrown across the room with almost unreasonable frequency as of late. “We need to get Patton somewhere safe until-”

“Patton,” Roman gasped. His memories were coming back, foggy though they were. “He’s- I was going to tell you, his healing…”

“Hurts him,” Virgil finished grimly. “Figured that out.” He traced the cut on his forehead, blinking back tears. “I… I should have noticed sooner, I- but that’s not what’s important right now. I can keep him safe, as long as you don’t need me in the fight.” Hiding out in a bubble while Roman and Logan fought the witch wouldn’t make him very useful, but he couldn’t let anything else happen to Patton, not after everything he must have been through already.

Roman nodded. “We can handle it. Let’s go.”

Evidently, he’d spoken too soon.

Before he and Logan could even finish standing up, they and Virgil were shoved aside at a wave of the witch’s hand as she strode towards them. It seemed that with her control over Roman broken, she also had a decent amount of magic freed up for use again- too much for them to push past, try as they might. She stood over Patton and snapped her fingers, and his eyes opened slowly… as empty and unseeing as Roman’s had been. It was much easier to control someone, even without a name, when that control was willingly handed over.

“Get up,” she told him, and was dragging him away by his arm almost before he’d completed the action.

The others couldn’t move in her direction again until she and Patton were standing beside the throne, and then Virgil lunged for her, reaching for his magic.

“Ah, ah,” the witch chided. She lifted her own hand and formed a ball of energy right next to Patton’s head. He didn’t so much as flinch, but Virgil stopped dead at the clear threat. “I think you’re going to listen to me now.”

She didn’t look half as composed and in-control as she had when she’d first started the ritual. Her hair had come undone from its neat braid, and her eyes were just as wild.

“It’s a very simple offer I have for you.” She moved her hand closer, singing Patton’s hair. “You can do just one, little thing for me and complete the ritual… and I can ensure the safety of this sweet little friend of yours.”

“You’re… threatening to kill him?” Logan would be the first to admit it was a heartless thought to have, but… that wasn’t actually the worst possible outcome. Patton certainly wouldn’t enjoy getting “killed” here, but is wasn’t like he would actually be dead.

“What does it look like, smart guy?”

Logan put a hand on Roman’s and Virgil’s arms, gently holding them back. “Well, yes, I presumed that was the case; I was merely wondering if you actually expected it to work.”

Everyone stared at him incredulously, with the obvious exception of Patton, and he sighed.

“He’d have to be stupid to agree to that, no matter how much he cares for Patton,” he said, a very strong edge of so don’t do it, idiot in his voice. “One man’s life cannot possibly be worth giving up his entire kingdom and leaving the lives of all its citizens in your… thoroughly untrustworthy hands.” Especially when we all know he would be fine, he added mentally.

Virgil made a warning sound under his breath. This line of thought was making him increasingly uncomfortable. “We can’t just…”

Before he could finish voicing his doubts, Logan added sharply, “What do you think Patton would tell you to do?”

Roman opened his mouth indignantly. Then he closed it again, and sighed. “He… he wouldn’t want me to agree to this, would he?”

The witch raised an eyebrow. “So… you don’t care if I kill your friend, then?”

“Oh, I’d fucking erase you from existence,” Roman snapped back immediately. “You won’t do it, if you want any chance at all to continue living yourself.” Then he realized everyone was staring at him. “...What?”

Logan blinked a few times. “I had… been under the impression that there was some sort of profanity filter in place here.”

“I could’ve been saying fuck this whole time? Are you kidding me?!” Virgil threw his hands up in the air.

“What, really? I mean, I try not to swear too much, personally, but… if there’s been something stopping you, I didn’t put it there. Must’ve been one of you three.”

Everyone’s eyes slowly turned to Patton. He wasn’t exactly able to confirm or deny at the moment, but it sure hadn’t been anyone else.

After a moment, the witch cleared her throat, reminding everyone that she was still there and still, you know, threatening them. “Fine,” she ground out. “He lives, for now… if you’re going to insist on fighting me no matter what, I may as well keep him around on my side.”

She seemed a little surprised when Roman didn’t answer with any kind of fun banter, just gripped his sword tighter, but he wasn’t here for entertainment anymore. It was one thing when she’d only been hurting him- it was an expected part of going against her in this place, after all, however unpleasant. But threatening Patton like she had…

“This ends here,” Roman said, and it wasn’t a threat or even a promise. It was a statement of suddenly established narrative fact.

[rainsonata]

Doppelgänger 3/15

Chapter 03: Mind and Body

Fandom/Pairing: Elsword; none Rating: K+ Word Count: 6,368

Summary: It was like looking into a mirror. What happens when one’s reflection talks back and throws uncomfortable questions? El Search Party struggles to find entrance into the Demon Realm, but Dominator has a plan.  

Alternative Title: Dominator fucked up and now everyone meets their alternative selves

AO3 Link / FF.NET Link

— [Chapter 01] [Chapter 02] [Chapter 03] [Chapter 04] [Chapter 05] [Chapter 06] [Chapter 07] [Chapter 08] [Chapter 09] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15] — 

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Class Notes:

Canon Path: Knight Emperor, Aether Sage, Daybreaker, Rage Hearts, Code: Esencia, Comet Crusader, Apsara, Empire Sword, Doom Bringer, Ishtar and Chevalier (Innocent), Bluhen  

Alternate Path: Rune Slayer, Oz Sorcerer, Anemos, Furious Blade, Code: Ultimate, Fatal Phantom, Devi, Flame Lord, Dominator, Timoria and Abysser (Catastrophe), Richter

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Rage Hearts

A couple of dark elves were stationed when the El Search Party arrived at the outpost with heavy eyelids. The dark elf elder must have instructed them to stay behind if they were still in the process of evacuating the village. White masks obscured their faces, but their sharpened knives and bows positioned for an ambush made it clear they weren’t letting their guard down.  

The sentry guardians let them cram under a tent for shelter from the rain. Black clouds clustered together in an erratic array, thunder striking against Rage’s eardrums as rain overflowed the undergrowth. Lightning flashed in irregular intervals as he and his friends waited in painful silence.

Packing that morning was less than a hassle. Apsara only forgot to retrieve her spare weapons once and it took less than three trips to pack Cavalier’s elaborate tea set customized from Lanox. Being a soldier himself, he didn’t own a lot of possessions. He spent most of the morning making sure nothing was left behind and that everyone was present and accounted for. They were waiting for Aether and Crusader when one of the dark elves spoke.  

“Your party number seems to increase every time we meet.”

“I’m sorry?” Perplexed by what the dark elf meant, Rage did a mental headcount. There were nine of them, which was three short because Knight was gone and they were still waiting for two party members to rejoin. Did the dark elf mistaken?

“No, there are nine of us,” Apsara waved her finger in the air to recount their team members.    

The dark elf didn’t falter from her statement, “I saw humans in the forest last night. Elder Edith told us not to attack on her command, but if you are hiding more humans...”

“We’re not,” Rage said. “If there were more of us, we would have told you.”  

“How many people were there?” Code: Esencia asked.

“At least a dozen,” the other dark elf replied. “They were in smaller groups as you were.”

“Sorry for the wait,” Aether stepped under the tent. Her staff raised above her head to form a magical barrier shielding her from the rain. In contrast to the El Search Party, Aether remained dry aside from a few wrinkles that needed to be ironed out. “It took longer than I thought to get here with the sudden rain.”  

“We’ll be outside if you humans need us,” the dark elf said. Her comrade nodded to the party and excuse themselves from the tent.

The dark elves have left the El Search Party with new information that must have been baffling for them because Daybringer had ceased talking to Bluhen, who had a sullen expression but nodded when she stopped to explain something. Empire, Ishtar, and Chevalier discussed among themselves on the implications of potential human allies. Esencia and Bringer were silent on the affair, deep in their thoughts and had nothing to contribute to the conversation.    

There at least a dozen humans beside them! Rage was shocked by the number. They haven’t had new members join the El Search Party since Cavalier and Ishtar, who arrived as a pair in Lanox. Regardless, with strict policies to outsiders, it was unlikely for humans to settle in Varnimyr without the dark elves’ notice. Who were those strangers and what were the chances of coming into contact with them? With their luck, very likely.

“What’s going on? Everyone’s quiet,” Aether frowned.

“Sorry, Aisha. I could hardly sleep last night.” Apsara wiped her eyes to dust away a tear, “It was hard to.”

“Sorry about the late letter,” Aether chuckled. “Didn’t want you to worry for not saying where we were.”  

“Where’s Chung?” Rage noted the absence of the young man.

The mage stuttered, “He’s occupied at the moment. Don’t worry, he’ll be here soon!”

Aether smiled, but her brows visibly twitching at an intensity that left little of her answer to be believed. Sitting between Rage and Apsara, she had her hands over the helm of her skirt, picking at a loose piece of thread she found. Worry and discomfort were apparent in how she crossed her legs with restlessness.    

“What did you want to tell us?” Empire sat next to the mage.

Aether hummed, “There’s a trail leading to clues that might tell us what happened to Elsword. You must have seen the forest before you arrived.”

It was unlike anything they have seen before. Unevenly burned and charred, the trees were stripped bare of their bark and collapsed at the slightest human contact. The smell of smoke was still fresh in Rage’s mind. Parts of it were still burning from yesterday when Bluhen found the battle site until the downpour started. It was no ordinary fire. The burn marks stopped abruptly midway through the woods and the destructive path it laid in ruins was too well calculated to be of natural occurrence.

Albeit the clumsiness and likely lack of control over their magic, Rage could see the power in what was leftover from how through the fire was. He had doubts they would find anything of use from the remnants of the burned down forest. Broken bottles and discarded glass jars told the mercenary the damage was likely caused by another human. An arsonist in the Demon Realm? The magic humans used for magic was different than the blue fire Ishtar and Cavalier used in battle. Not as destructive as demon fire, but just as unpredictable and difficult to control without proper training.    

“There were footprints, but as you may guess, most of it was gone by the time we found them.” Aether said, “Human footprints mixed with-”

“Corrupted Elrianode monsters,” Bluhen finished, long eyelashes brushing over green pupils. “Elsword wanted to assess the cause of the sudden spike in the presence of El. I agreed to go with him to ensure his safety, but we were split apart when we saw the monsters.”

That was new information for the El Search Party.

Bringer’s scowl grew deeper, uttering incohesive words that were less than savory. Apsara looked at Empire with concern as the red knight’s shoulders stiffened at the mention of her brother, clamping her gloved hands into tight fists. Quiet chatter spouted between some of the team members, words of hushed worry and fear.

Esencia wasn’t as transparent in her emotions, but the sadness in her eyes was apparent. The Nasod queen placed her weight on Remy and Moby, patting them with gentleness unlike one of a Nasod.  

“That idiot,” Aether growled. Red flashed across the mage’s features, a mixture of anger and regret, even guilt from how hard she gripped her staff if that was any indication. “He could have waited for us to help him with the investigation. Why does he think he has to deal with everything by himself?”

Knight would have taken their concern with a bashful laugh. Flustered but with an appreciative smile before covering his embarrassment with an apology, leaving one to wonder if the man was aware of the effect he had on others.

He was not the most intelligent of the bunch, but his impressive stamina and strive to move forward was admirable. That was what made Knight approachable and likable because he wasn’t threatening. Rare naivety for someone his age, yet it was his strength to explains why he had supportive friends willing to stay by his ideals.

“Um… The dark elves said they saw humans.” Apsara decided to change the topic to break the silence, “What does that mean? I thought we were the only ones. Did you see them, Aisha?”

The mage shook her head.

“It’s not improbable,” Ishtar said, the former demon monarch idly flicking her tail. “It would be naive to think we were the first outsiders the dark elves have met. Demons have invaded the human world before, so it’s not unlikely the same has happened in reverse.”

“Is it an invasion if there are only twelve of them?” Chevalier mused.

“Humans are capable even in small numbers,” Esencia stated.

That’s why humans won the Nasod War, Rage thought. Humans do not have half the abilities demons, but their adaptability and tenacity made up for it, as he had found out when he met the El Search Party. No one else was as foolish or stubborn as the children that were willing to put their lives on the line to rescue a bizarre cyborg experiment.  

“Should we warn the dark elves?” Daybreaker asked.

“We don’t know what kind of people they are,” Apsara argued. “We should watch them first before we do anything. They could be new allies!”

“Or they can be new enemies,” Bringer drawled. “But still, not a bad idea.”

“I sense their El,” Bluhen said. “But they share the same wavelength as us. They have better control over it than the demons do.”  

“What you described sounds like the shadows we fought in the Hall of El.” Aether crossed her arms.

The shadows’ physical appearances, movements, even their voices mirrored their real counterparts. They were manifestations of the El, whispering sweet promises and luring them into a false sense of security. It was a good thing none of them caved in because the El Search Party could have disbanded from missing members.

Daybreaker crossed examined the purple-haired woman with the eyes of a medic, taking note of the lack of open wounds or injuries. It didn’t appear that Aether partook in a recent fight. “You seem to be in good health, but what about Chung? Are the potions for him?”

“I guess you can say that,” Aether rubbed her forehead. “He’ll be here soon enough, hahaha…”

Her nervous and forced laughter left more questions than answers. She was going to leave red marks on her forehead if she kept rubbing it.

The mage mumbled, “What’s taking him so long?”

Rage narrowed his eyes. Aether was an intelligent young woman, but hiding information from the group was not what the mercenary appreciated if they were discussing the health of a fellow team member. Opening his mouth, he was ready to interrogate her before Empire interjected.  

“We can wait for Chung, but you need to be honest with us if he doesn’t come in fifteen minutes.” Empire warned Aether, “I understand if he wants you to lie to spare our feelings, but we don’t have the time to play these charades.”

“Right…” Aether’s eyes averted.

“Did you find the remains?” Bringer ignored the leers Bluhen was sending him. “We found the loser’s scabbard. Did you call this meeting to tell us what we already know?”

It was strange his scabbard was the only thing remaining. Where did Knight’s greatsword go? His scabbard was identified closer to their campsite than where Rage thought the battle between their former leader and the monsters took place. The ones Bluhen fought must have been the last of them because they did not come across any on their way to the resting station to reunite with their teammates. Those beings held no inhibition or motivation of their own unless controlled by a Henir cultist.  

“Remains?” Aether gawked at the brawler, “What are you talking about?”  

“Ow, let go!” A familiar voice whined from outside the tent.

A male voice exclaimed, “You’re going to reopen your wounds if you walk like that!”

“Your grip is going to reopen them!” They huffed, “When did you get this strong? Easy on the hand holding!”

The voices grew louder in a cacophony.

Drenched from the rain was a young man emerging into the tent. He wore an unbuttoned thin white jacket with red lining on the edges and belts, which was also soaked from the inconvenient weather. Metallic pieces plated over his thighs for reasons Rage couldn’t understand. What were those plates supposed to protect? Red runes etched over his bare tanned skin on his arms and lower stomach, revealing more runes carved into his palms when he opened them.

Behind him was Crusader. The ponytailed man had an umbrella over his head with a medical kit in hand. Destroyer was strapped to his back and one arm interlocked around the other. His determination was visible as Crusader tugged his elbow inward and pulling them towards the center to Aether’s fire to warm up.  

“If you don’t stay still, those scars will become permanent.” Crusader chastised.

“What’s another scar to add to the many?” He shrugged, “It’s not like we have a healer or anything.”

“We have Ain.”  

“Since when does Ain heal?”  

Aether groaned.      

Long tangled hair tied into a lower ponytail, bangs pulled back by a black headband that did little to keep his fringe out of his eyes. Eyes the color of fire matched his hair. Rage gawked at his choice of clothes. What was he wearing? Those plates weren’t going to protect him from anything unless the demons wanted to attack his thighs.  

“Why are you all so serious?” The man let out a nervous chuckle at his new audience, “You all look like someone just died.”

Empire stepped forward, eyes glazed over him. Arms across the newcomer’s shoulders, she croaked at the familiar face.      

“Elsword?”

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Devi

The sun warmed the frigid forest undergrowth with tenderness. Devi smelled smoke coming from the fire Abysser kept alive throughout the night, waking up in hourly shifts to rekindle the dying light. It was a commitment she admired from a distance, not wanting to bother the demon in his morning ritual. Pots and pans clattered in the background as Abysser gathered ingredients he had stocked in Elrianode in preparation for breakfast.  

Marigold glowed in the lower portion to indigo and maroon where the horizon was, a mild portion of the sky in what Devi assumed was what mornings were like in the Demon Realm. In contrast to the numerous moons rotating on their axis, the lonesome sun dipped past the hills. The forest’s chatter dismissed from activity as Devi examined her fingernails, curling them tight in anticipation with quivered lips.

She promised she would follow Flame.

Despite the inconvenience she had brought to the El Search Party because of Ran’s actions, Flame waited for her. What started as routine sparring sessions blossomed into more. They talked about their brothers, their hometowns, the food and people they saw, and the wonders they experienced on their journeys. Although the red knight wasn’t the brightest and sometimes needed things to be explained, her presence was candlelight when Devi was in a dark place.

Resting her head on her bag, Flame remained exhausted and woozy from last night fight, restless in sleep. Red strands fluttered past her face as she slept on her side, arms tucked into her body. Her chest rose with each passing breath, unaware of Devi sitting close by on a fallen log and watching over her.

The Rune Master meant the world to Flame. Devi understood the feeling of losing a close family member after finally catching a glimpse of them even for a short period of time. Raised in the army and asked to lead at a young age, Flame admitted that her happiest moment wasn’t reuniting with her father, but seeing Rune again and joining his band of oddballs in Velder. Devi couldn’t forget the rage and panic Flame had when she almost lost her brother to the El.  

It was unfair to despise the boy for playing martyr out of the selfless belief that it would restore the El and everything would be fine and dandy. If that was his idea of justice, Devi could respect that, but placing his life in danger shortly after affected her more than she had expected herself to be.

Rune could have chosen not to listen to her story after she had blocked them from attacking her brother. No one was forcing him to accept Devi into the El Search Party or provide her the resources to strengthen her spear. Kindness seemed to run in the family because Rune never judged her for her decision to pursue power over more noble goals

“It sounds important to you, so I trust you.” He said when Devi gave him a quizzical eye.  

Missing him? Eun asked.

Only because he brings her pain, Devi replied. She could hear the doubt in the fox spirit’s thoughts but knew better than to probe further.    

If it wasn’t for him, she wouldn’t have met Flame or the other party members, who were just as accepting. It was the kind of trust that could easily be taken advantage of by others.    

Devi smelled the eggs and steamed rice. She considered offering a hand and helping Abysser set the table, but arrangements were already made with plates and bowls ready, utensils lined up and ready to feed five people.

There’s only five of us, Eun reminded her.

Six if we count you, Devi held a blank expression on that line of thought. They were seven people short with Rune’s whereabouts unknown. Flame was insistent on regrouping with the rest of their friends. When Devi woke up for her shift, Abysser passed a message that Dominator had found a way to reach them over their communication devices. They were going to leave after breakfast.

Flame moved. Stretching her limbs, she reached for her bag to retrieve a hairbrush to untangle her hair and rolled to the side to greet Devi.

“Mornin’” The fire knight yawned. “Did you sleep well?”

Smiling at her, Devi shook her head. “You know I can’t sleep through the night as well as you can.”

Which was true, because the Demon Realm wasn’t free from crickets. Their loud chirps made the forest come alive and left Devi lying in cold sweat from moving in her sleep. Summers in Demon Realm couldn’t escape insects either, it seemed.    

“What’s on your mind?” Flame teased, “You look like Eun just told you Elsword ate the last steak.”

“I didn’t know he could eat that much!” Devi fumed, feeling her cheeks flush red and stuttered. “You should get ready for breakfast. We’re leaving after to meet up with the others.”

“You heard from them?” Flame was impressed. “That was quick!”

Devi thought about the effort Dominator must have put into making their means of communication functional despite Dark El tempering with it. His fascination with Nasods wasn’t something she understood nor did she care for, but if it helped them on their journey and made things more convenient, then she wasn’t going to complain. It wouldn’t surprise her if the scientist pulled an all-nighter.  

“Why stop when you can make more improvements?” Dominator would have puffed his chest with pride.  

Breakfast was a quiet affair with humble food and bread rationed among party members to last them for at least a few days for their upcoming expedition. With only five mouths to feed, although that would soon bump back to eleven, it didn’t take long to wash the dishes and clean up afterward. It felt like they were camping outside Atlas Station again, surrounded by a foreign environment and little known information to what was in their future.  

It started raining when they finished packing. Water droplets pelted them as Devi clenched her gown to the side to avoid getting it wet, grumbling to herself with dismay. It felt like years since their last experienced proper rainfall, which was when they stopped at Atlas Station. Clouds cluttered and darkened without warning, releasing a downpour over their group as they searched for higher ground to avoid the overflowing river.

“Where did you say we were meeting them again?” Flame pressed her forehead against her palm, rubbing her eyes.

“I told them where we were,” Phantom said. “Hopefully they can find out through this rain.”

Phantom had a baby blue umbrella over his head and a matching scarf. Equally blue eyes locked into Devi’s, still shorter than the older woman even with the added centimeters from his armor. Gray clouds reflecting off his pupils, difficult to read and unpredictable as the way he fought the Hamel demons on their first meeting.

The other half of their group contacted him when Phantom was on patrol duty for the night. From then, the message was passed down the rest of their small group with Devi being the last to tell Flame.

“What are you going to do once we find Elsword?” Phantom asked.

“The same as before,” Devi flashed a sharp-fanged smile. “Ran is still out there and those demons won’t slaughter themselves.”

Phantom didn’t flinch at the half threat, but the disapproval was clear. If he was requesting for a different answer this time, then the guardian of Hamel was in for a disappointment.

Devi let out a humorless laugh. Her brother was still a high priority on her list and taking down the demons that brought him to his fate was her answer. She wasn’t going to pretend it wasn’t a selfish act. It was personal and had little to no involvement with the grander scheme of the El or those involved with it. Ran was but a mere pawn to the demons that wished to invade Elrios and use their resources.    

Strange how life played its pieces into place. She was on the same side as the man who wanted to take down her brother despite the risks that may jeopardize their relations.  

“I hope you understand what it means if you can’t make him change his mind,” Phantom chose his words with care.

“I know,” Devi gripped her hands around her umbrella. They would have to take him down, a thought that had her clenched her teeth on the possibility. “I see them.”

She made out the outlines of Oz’s hat and Dominator’s drones residing behind the scientist, their shadows obscuring the other half of the El Search Party emerging from the storm. They regrouped under the trees, laying their weapons and possessions against the tree trunks. Most of them wore raincoats that went down to their knees with matching umbrellas.  

“I hope there was no trouble getting here,” Phantom said. “Did you come across any demons?”

“Not as many as I thought there would be.” Anemos was apologetic, “Sorry for the wait!”

“Let’s not do this again,” Oz wiped her brow. “This place is big enough as is when we’re together.”

Devi agreed. They had wasted a day searching for each other and avoiding bringing attention to themselves because of their unceremonious entrance into a new world. Too many detours like in Elrios. They could be searching for answers on the Dark El, but time was running out.  

“Any signs or clues to where Elsword is?” Abysser asked.

Richter leaned closer to where Anemos was and averted his gaze when addressed by the demon. Long strands of hair combed over his eyes. The priest stood still under the tree, rain trickling down his pale neck as he engaged in a locked staring contest with Abysser.

Abysser was the first to blink.

“We didn’t find anything, but there are tents nearby.” Abysser took the lack of response from Richter and the others for a no. “I think we’ll have luck if we ask the residents living here.”

“I see.”

Displeasure appeared on Richter’s face not unlike her own, just as irritated on the suggestion of cooperating with demons. They have a poor track record with demons outside of Timoria and Abysser, although that was to be expected with their reputation for giving demons trouble.  

“Eve, is there a way you can search for Elsword?” Flame asked.

Gazing at her with sympathy, Ultimate said. “Remy and Moby can run a scan, but it will take time. They need time to analyze.”

“Thank you,” Flame was appreciative. “I guess that brings us back to square one on finding Elsword.”  

“Unless we run into ourselves,” Blade mumbled.

“What?” Devi stared at the mercenary with intent, waiting for Blade to say he was joking. Okay, the old man was as likely to start joking when Dominator would stop gushing over ancient codes.

“I...may have brought us into the wrong Demon Realm and we might run into ourselves,” Dominator admitted with a sheepish grin.

Devi groaned, “Is that going to give us problems?”

There were correct Demon Realms now? Devi covered her face with a gloved hand and choked on her saliva. There were only so many times she could handle dimension-hopping. First, there was Elysion, then Elrianode, she guessed Demon Realm was another to add to the list.

“If they’re anything like us, they might be helpful in finding the brat,” Dominator mused. “Assuming they don’t see us as a threat.”

How reassuring, Eun yawned.

Not if we take them down first, Devi thought.  

“Wrong Demon Realm or not, we still need a starting point to find Elsword.” Blade said, “I think Ciel is right in asking around. We can learn more about the Demon Realm and where we are.”  

“We can do that after the rain stops,” Flame stared at the gray skies. “I doubt we’ll find anyone in this weather.”

Devi gazed at the sky too. It was the kind of weather for her and brother to sit around the fire for a cup of tea after dinner. She was always careful not to add too many tea leaves after the one time she forgot and used all of them in one sitting. Ran wouldn’t stop laughing about it afterward, but it didn’t make her feel bad because he offered to make a new pot of tea. If they were in a different Demon Realm, did that mean this Ran wasn’t the one she grew up with? Devi didn’t know what to think of that.

Alternatives of themselves. What were they like? Would her counterpart be nothing but a shadow of herself like those manifestations in the Hall of El? Or would the look-alike be a mirror image for Devi to notice the visible flaws until she had enough and lose her mind? If there was another Flame, would they still get along? Devi laid her head down and sighed. She had enough of this dimension bullshit.

--------------------------------------------------

Knight Emperor

“Who are you?” Knight stared at the sleeping figure. A trap set by demons? What were they doing here?

That couldn’t be a civilian. They shared his face. Not an exact copy because they wore their hair like they left a late-night party and had questionable clothes, but that wasn’t the point! How could that be possible? They felt too real to be an imitation like the shadows he had fought in the Temple of Trials.

“Ugh, my head hurts.” They stood up, wobbling with their hand over their head. “Woah, did I hit my head that hard? I see two of me!”

“You’re telling me,” Knight crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side, studying his look alike. The red markings reminded him of the runes he studied when he still bothered going to school before picking up a sword. Well, they couldn’t both call themselves Elsword, so his counterpart was going to be named Rune. Wait, he was getting distracted... “Why are you here?”

“Better question,” Rune laughed. “Why are you here?”

“I don’t have time for this,” Knight groaned at the question flipped on its head and back to himself. “Earthquakes are going on and we still don’t know anything about the Dark El. I need to get back to my friends and-”

“Wow, you’re searching for answers on that too?” That perked Rune’s attention, “I guess you really are me!”

Knight wasn’t as keen on being associated with his counterpart. Past experiences with similar entities were unpleasant and often ended in brawls. Would that happen again with this one? Knight closed his eyes. He was still exhausted from the fight.        

“Hey, don’t space out on me. Are you okay?”

Knight jerked his head forward to the sound of rattling, his mind paused on the present and went to autopilot. Twisting his body, Knight threw himself in front of his counterpart and blocked a set of sharp teeth with his sword, shoving his counterpart to the ground with his free hand and away from the attacker. Knight opened his mouth to scream at Rune to leave, but nothing came out. He could feel the demon breathing down on him as it pinned him.    

The demon attacked.    

Water dripped from the high ceiling, echoing within the walls of the enclosure with no interruptions. The ground was damp and had a mossy smell to the gravel beneath Knight’s boots. He woke up to the sight of a sharp point of a crystal growing from the ceiling, pointing down to where he laid. Knight held his breath and pulled himself away before he could hurt himself from wanting to touch the crystal to see if it was as tough as his greatsword.

Fluorescent light radiated from crystals on the sides of the walls in pink, orange, blue, and purple, some as tall as a human adult. Some of the crystals sprouted from the ceiling and the ground up, forming an effective wall and blocking possible exits. Smaller rocks were placed strategically in the corners of the confinement. Shelves carved into the walls behind him with nothing but dust to greet Knight.

Where was he? Peeking through the gaps between the crystallized wall, repeated formations of crystals and boulders expanded with no end in sight. He was inside a cavern. A metallic smell stuck to the walls, one that Knight was well accustomed to by now. It smelled like blood.

Was this the Shadow Driller’s hideout? Knight turned around frantically in search for the demon that brought him here. It resembled the Shadow Snipers invading Hamel almost two years ago, but it looked stronger. Thorns protruded over its head and orange scales plated over its spine and limbs, standing on hind legs and claws reached out for him. It was easily taller than him by at least one to two heads. What was Knight supposed to do if there were more of them?

He needed to leave.

The Emperor Knight reached for his greatsword from the sheath on his back, feeling for his weapon and moving his arm back further when there was nothing. His blood turned into ice. The absence of his weapon was apparent.

He failed to keep his promise to his friends and got himself caught in a sticky situation. How long would it take for the El Search Party to figure out where he was? Knight himself didn’t know how far he was from his friends. He didn’t remember seeing a cave or a cavern close to their campsite.

Where did he drop his sword? It was by his side when Knight fought off the Elrianode monsters and found Rune, who was nowhere to be found.

A hollow feeling rose from his chest. Did Rune understand his intention and escape while Knight fought the Shadow Driller as a distraction? Or did Rune stay behind to fight and get caught as a prisoner?

His counterpart was less fazed by Knight’s existence than vice versa, but he didn’t seem to have bad intentions if his first response was to talk things out instead of attack. That was a change in pace for Knight after dealing with demons who felt more obliged to slice him in half rather than hold a conversation.    

Rune said something about researching the Dark El. It sounded similar to the resolve Knight made with his friends after they pulled him out of the El’s influence. Determination mirrored back when Knight looked at his alternative, purpose and responsibility weighing on the shoulders of an eighteen-year-old with battle scars. Those scars looked worse than his, making Knight gain sudden self-conscious over his body. If it wasn’t for Bluhen, would he be similar to his other self? They had minute differences, but their mind and body were the same.    

If Rune existed, then did the rest of the El Search Party exist as well? Knight tried to imagine meeting Aether or Bluhen’s alternatives, but the image of them wearing clothes as meager as Rune wasn’t something he was going to forget. Did it matter if they were different? They would still be his friends.

This was something Bringer would have enjoyed discussing because the brawler held a fascination for alternative dimensions and the like. Knight was sure he would explain how people like Rune were possible when they held more free will than any of the shadows they have encountered before. Until he could break his way out and find his friends, he was on his own.  

Lifting his head, Knight was greeted by a pale face.

“Aaah!” Knight knocked his head against the wall, covering his head in pain. Hitting his head on a stone wall was a bad idea.  

The small figure giggled, their face was well hidden by the hood they wore adorned with cat ears. A child? Not as tiny as Ishtar, they stood up to his shoulder in a one-piece suit and a jacket hoodie zipped up. Thin chains extended from their tailcoat with sharpened ends, matching the magenta-colored gloves they wore. The child’s clothes held no wrinkles, the insides of their hood patterned in purple diamonds and they weren’t sweating like Knight was. A recent captive?

Knight apologized and rubbed his head. “I didn’t know you were in there. Sorry if I bothered you.”

Were they always there? They looked so small with the layer of clothes on them. Assuming the silence for shyness, Knight didn’t push on the child and offered an encouraging smile. He had to stay strong. The child didn’t need to see him in distress or panic that he had no idea where they were. That’s what Empire did when they were children because she wanted him to believe in her. He would do the same for the new child.

“You don’t happen to know how to get out of here, do you?” Knight asked.

No response, not even nodding or shaking their head for any indication they heard him. They were holding something. The child held up a leather bag that was easily half of their weight, prompting Knight to accept it.

“You want me to open it?” Knight forgot to tell the child that it was his bag. How did they take it without his notice? Was he surprised to see another human being that he had let his guard down?

Knight emptied the bag and laid the contents side by side, gesturing the child to sit next to him. Snow fruits, desert sweet potatoes, and bulky carrots were bred to be sturdy vegetables, but he felt guilty when he saw how much they bruised. Expired tickets and flyers from COBO services came out of the back pockets, colors and lettering faded away and smelled like Sander Jerky. A leather sack held hundreds of millions of gold coins Knight had been saving to upgrade armor and weapons. Spices for food and fragment powder for crafting them into El Tear fragments were organized by color and type.

Initially organized into smaller compartments courtesy to Bringer, who complained about his habits for tossing everything together in the bag, well… Old habits are hard to break and Knight was back to square one. Elixirs, potions, crafting material, accessories, clothes, certificates, scrolls, and stamps cluttered his bag.

The child glared at the growing pile of trash.

“I know it’s a lot,” Knight was embarrassed. “There’s nothing to do here, I guess now is a good time to start organizing.”

He was never going to hear the end of this if Aether or Bringer found out that he forgot to keep his stuff clean. With two people, it was still a Herculean task sort out the trash and know what to keep. It was tempting to hold on to everything, but Knight felt a pair of eyes dig into the back of his neck when he suggested keeping the old coins the town alchemists no longer accepted for crafting services (1). Couldn’t a guy get a little nostalgic?    

“That’s the last of it!” Knight smiled when they finished cleaning. “You didn’t have to help me, but thanks!”

The child ignored him, turning their head away from the knight. The disappointment was apparent at the mess he was making. Knight laughed nervously when he saw where they were looking. Kept in a flask the color of the wind El, he made out the cursive writing on a label “Blessed Giant Hand Potion” (2).

Next to it laid a greatsword Knight didn’t remember owning. Bulkier in appearance, the crossguard was more circular than what he was used to and the hilt had red belts attached. The blade itself was as wide as his head but thinner at the point. When Knight tested the greatsword, he was shocked that it was lighter than it looked. At closer inspection, he recognized the symbols on the hilt and blade to be runes he couldn’t understand. Was this Rune’s sword? What was it doing here and how did he pick it up without knowing? But still, this was good to have something to defend himself when they make their breakout.  

“You think this will work?” Knight asked. What a dumb question, he thought, but he missed having someone to talk to despite their conversations being one-sided.

Knight sweated when the child smiled at him full of sharp teeth. They were going to break out with sheer force. That could work.  

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Knight chuckled, “Stay close to me.”

He choked on the breath-taking hold the child had, wrapping their arms in a binding hug around the waist. Knight gently tapped on their gloved hands to let go. The child loosened their grip, backing away and giving him room in preparation for their escape.  

Feeling his hand over the crystallized wall, Knight snapped his eyes tight, concentrating on the spot with the weakest support. Unbottled elixir in hand, his lungs were on fire like he had inhaled sugar into his nostrils. His hands enlarged and Knight breathed.  

One, two, three!

“Hyaaaah!” Knight charged.

--------------------------------------------------

Notes:

Old coins (1) - Once upon a time, Elsword had Secret Dungeon coins and separate crafting material for each Secret Dungeon set.  

“Blessed Giant Hand Potion” (2) - An elixir that causes the character hands and weapon to become bigger and have an increase in damage boost.

[danijimenezv]

Saving You

Prompt/Summary: Admiration and Unconditional Love

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2872

Warnings: Violence, injuries, angst

A/N: This is written for @thinkwritexpress-official‘s ‘My Kind of Love’ Challenge. Happy belated birthday, Britt! I hope you like it!! This is thought as a second part to “You Make Me Better”, but it can also be read as a stand alone if you want

Natasha wasn’t joking when she had said that Hydra base seemed bigger and more guarded than the rest of them. They landed the Quinjet some miles away from where they had spotted the building, and as soon as they stepped out, the cold air of Siberia greeted them. Around them, everything was covered in a white blanket of snow, and even if it wasn’t exactly snowing, the fog and the eerie silence made the situation all the more unsettling. Y/N instantly made her way to Bucky, who had just exited the Quinjet, and wrapped her arms around his torso. Bucky looked down at her before smiling softly and placing a kiss on the top of her head, while his right arm went around her and pulled her closer.

“You okay?” she made sure. If their surroundings were unsettling for her, she knew they would be worse for him.

“Sometimes I forget how much you actually know me.” he let out a breathy chuckle, “It’s not a place I’d choose to come back to, but… I’m okay.”

“I believe you.”

“Stay close.” Bucky reminded her, and all she could do was nod before Steve took over.

“Okay, everyone.” Steve called for their attention, “We don’t know what we’re dealing with, so let’s stick to the plan.” he shot Tony a meaningful look, full of warning, causing the billionaire to roll his eyes, “Natasha, Y/N.” Y/N pulled away from Bucky, smiling reassuringly at him one last time, before going to join Natasha’s side, “You’re in first. Buck and I will be a few feet away, covering your flanks. Everyone else, stay hidden in the woods until the fight breaks out. You all have your comms?” they all either nodded or mumbled a low yes, “Okay. Avengers, let’s give them hell.”

Natasha and Y/N started making their way towards the building, walking away from the protection and security of the trees and out in the open. It was almost as if the clearing they had just walked into was specially designed for fights. As they walked forward, Y/N’s hand shot out to feel her weapons at her side, as if to reassure herself, while a feeling of pure dread settled in her gut.

“I can sense your nervousness radiating from your every pore.” Natasha pointed out, making Y/N scoff slightly, trying hard to hide the fact that something didn’t feel quite right.

“I’m not nervous.” she denied, but shot her a meaningful look and Natasha’s face fell in realization.

She knew Y/N too well to know exactly what that look meant; she had a bad feeling about all of it, she just wasn’t going to say it out loud. After all, Bucky could hear her through the comm, and she didn’t want to worry him even more than he was now.

Before Natasha could say anything else, a group of about forty, maybe fifty Hydra agents came out of the building and began running towards them.

“Here we go.” Y/N muttered, and both of them picked up their pace, “Guys, incoming.”

“How many?” Steve’s voice rang clearly through the small device.

“I’d say about fifty, for now.” Sam informed as he rose in the air.

“Just like old times.” Natasha added with a smirk, giving Y/N a sideways glance before focusing her eyes on the approaching enemies.

“Don’t bring up Copenhagen, Nat.” Y/N laughed and took out her blades, just as they reached the Hydra soldiers.

“This is so not like Copenhagen.” Clint piped in, keeping his distance but still shooting his arrows at the enemies.

“Wait, what happened in Copenhagen?” Tony questioned curiously, “Did it involve a sexy catfight?”

“Stark.” Bucky scolded with a strained tone.

“What? It’s honest curiosity.”

“I can assure you, there was nothing sexy about it.” Nat had already three soldiers at her feet, and she went for a fourth one.

“I don’t know, I think we looked pretty hot, all things considered.” Clint shot an arrow at the man that was going for Y/N’s back while she was distracted, and she stopped to look at the fallen man, “You’re welcome for that.”

“Thank you.” Y/N rolled her eyes at her friend as she resumed her fighting.

“You’re really not gonna tell us about Copenhagen?” Sam asked.

“We can talk about that later.” Steve interfered sternly.

“Sorry, guys. What happens in Copenhagen, stays in Copenhagen.” Y/N panted from the physical effort.

Without missing a beat, Y/N used her momentum to throw the agent to the ground. The man landed heavily on the ground with wide eyes, and Y/N stabbed him before ducking another attack. No matter how many they fought and took down, it felt like the number of guards coming from the base were endless.

“It’s a pity they always seem to underestimate us.” Wanda commented nonchalantly, and Y/N saw from the corner of her eye a red glow that knocked a couple of agents down. With a smirk, she agreed with Wanda, and Natasha nodded too, even if the other girl wasn’t exactly close enough to notice.

Just as Natasha knocked out apparently the last soldier, the ground shook and opened in the shape of a ramp, that appeared to be the exit of an underground tunnel. From there, a larger group of Hydra soldiers started making their way to them.

“Steve?” Y/N’s voice shook slightly, “I think we might need to call code green.”

“Banner, you heard that?”

“On it, Cap.”

“Tony, Vision, try to get inside that base.” he ordered.

“Finally, some good action.”

“Careful what you wish for, Tony.” Y/N grunted.

The rest of the team scattered throughout the whole field, each of them with a fair amount of soldiers to deal with. They shot, punched, kicked and stabbed for what felt like an eternity, but they couldn’t slow down, not when more and more Hydra agents were coming at them like a plague.

“Tony, any luck?” Steve inquired.

“Not yet.”

Y/N stepped to the side and dug her knife into the man’s shoulder. She pushed him down and finished it with a knee kick to his face. As he slumped unconscious to the ground, Y/N straightened her posture and looked around to analyze the situation. A bit ahead of her, Steve’s shield laid on the snow as he delivered blows. Bucky was to her right, disarming skillfully a group of soldiers. Somewhere else, she heard the Hulk roar. The rest of her teammates were out of her eyesight, but nothing worrisome was being said over the comms, other than the usual sounds of fighting.

Just as she turned around to check on the rest, she noticed a Hydra agent pushing himself off the ground and to a standing position. It was obvious he was badly hurt, but his condition didn’t stop him from grabbing a gun and pointing at Bucky’s back, while he was busy fighting other agents. Panic rose in Y/N’s chest and her eyes moved rapidly between them before deciding what to do. She couldn’t just move Bucky out of the way because that would put both of them at a disadvantage with the soldiers he was fighting at the moment; Bucky had to remain fighting. And even if she ran at her full speed, she would never make it in time to the Hydra agent to stop him, and he could still shoot Bucky; that wasn’t a risk she was willing to take. Time felt as if it had slowed down as Y/N made eye contact for a fraction of second with Clint, who was the only one that seemed to know what was on her head, before she made up her mind.

With the decision clear on her mind, Y/N sprinted as fast as she could, forcing her exhausted muscles to their full potential, to stand in between her boyfriend and the gun.

“Y/N, no!”

Clint raised his bow and shot an arrow at the attacker, but he was too late. The firearm went off once before the arrow hit the soldier. He dropped to the ground and, a few seconds later, Y/N collapsed as well, panting heavily and holding her side.

“What happened?!” Bucky questioned, his voice rising an octave higher in panic.

“Y/N’s down.” Natasha informed through the comms as she knocked out the guy in front of her and raced towards her friend, taking down anyone that was in her way.

“Y/N!” he was desperate to get to her, but he was swarmed by a group of soldiers, “Fucking hell.”

Clint and Nat were the firsts that made it to her. They crouched down at both of her sides and inspected her. Natasha pressed down her hands on the bullet wound, applying pressure, but the extensive bleeding quickly soaked her hands red.

“Clint.” Natasha choked up slightly, pure despair seeping into her tone, though she tried to keep her voice down to avoid distracting the others.

“She’s gonna be fine.” Clint tried to state confidently, but it sounded like he was trying to convince himself as well, “Steve needs backup.”

“I’m not–”

“Nat, go.” he said seriously, “I’ll take her back to the Quinjet.”

Natasha tried to protest, but she knew the archer was right, she was needed back on her feet and on the field. She nodded determinedly, fighting back a couple of tears. She wasn’t going to lose anyone else; she refused to let that happen.

“Take her back, stay on comms.”

Clint nodded solemnly and carefully lifted Y/N’s frail body into his arms. Y/N groaned in pain, her eyes closed shut. Clint shushed her softly, trying to soothe her, as he carried her back to the jet.

“Hey, hey!” Clint snapped, “Stay awake, Y/N. We’re almost there.”

Her body went limp against him and he sped up his pace, desperate to get her back to safety. From the sky, Rhodes blocked every attack directed to them, until they reached the Quinjet. Once inside, Clint placed her softly on a cot, but before he could do anything, Y/N’s cold fingers wrapped around his wrist and her other hand extended one of her blades to him, causing Clint to cock his head to one side in questioning.

“You have to dig out the bullet.”

“Y/N–”

“You have to, Clint. I can’t do it myself.”

Clint accepted with a deep breath the blade she was offering him. He first cut her suit so he could have better access to the injury, and then searched for the first aid kit and proceeded to get out what he needed to clean the wound. The stinging sensation on her side made Y/N hiss loudly, and she clenched her fists tightly. Once the wound was cleaned, Clint took the blade once again with a deep frown marked on his face.

“I’m sorry.”

“Just try to be quick.”

Clint did what he was told and retrieved the bullet as fast as he could, earning hisses and yelps of pain from Y/N in the process, “Shhh… It’s over. It’s done. You’re fine.”

“I’m fine.” she repeated with a grimace, “I’ve been shot before, I’ll be fine. But fucking hell, that hurt.”

Clint chuckled and shook his head in disbelief, but decided to say nothing as he focused on the stitches.

“There you go, as good new.” Clint smiled kindly at her.

“Thanks. Now I’ll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.” she mumbled drowsily, her eyelids drooping.

“Rest, sweetheart. You’ll need it to face Barnes later.”

Though, Y/N didn’t get to hear that last part; she was out cold in a matter of seconds.

“Status?” Cap questioned over the comms, once the chaos had lessened.

“She’s stable.” Clint informed, “Just patched her up. She’s completely out, though.”

None of the rest said much, but the relief was palpable.

“Natasha, time for a lullaby.” Steve called.

“We’re on our way back.” Sam informed, “Though it seems Barnes is about to have an aneurysm. He’s gonna pop a vein or something.”

Just like Sam had said, a few minutes later, Bucky stormed into the Quinjet, looking a mixture between seething and completely terrified. Clint shook his head and raised his hands in defense.

“What was she thinking?!” Bucky groaned, pulling at his hair in frustration.

“Don’t be too hard on her.” Clint tried, “If she had to do it all over again, she would do the exact same thing, as long as she saves you.”

“That’s what I don’t understand.” he shook his head, “I just can’t lose her, Barton.”

“You won’t. She’s stable now.”

“Now?” it was a question Bucky didn’t really want the answer to, but he felt like he had to ask.

“I…” Clint hesitated, “For a minute there, I thought Y/N wasn’t going to make it…”

Bucky let himself fall on the seat, and buried his face in his hands. He came close to losing the one person he couldn’t afford to lose, all because he had been distracted. If he had only been closer to her, or more alert, he would’ve noticed, and she wouldn’t have been in the brink of death.

Clint simply patted his shoulder softly, “She’s fine now, man, she’s just resting. After all, she lost a lot of blood. But she’ll be fine. You’ll see, she’ll be up annoying the hell out of us in no time.”

“I hope you’re right…”

*****

“Welcome back to the land of the living!” Tony’s voice was the first thing Y/N heard as soon as her eyes fluttered open.

She tried to sit up, but the jolt of pain on her side stopped her, and she remembered the mission and what had happened. She took deep breaths, and finally turned her face in the direction of the voice.

“I feel like I got shot.” she groaned.

“You did.” Helen Cho stared at her with disapproval and shook her head in admonishment, “You’re lucky the bullet managed to dodge anything of importance.”

“Lucky me.” she muttered, “Like I told Clint, I’ve been shot before, I’ll be fine.”

“Being shot before doesn’t mean you suddenly are inmune to it.” Tony shot back, handing her a glass of water, “Drink up.”

She took it without hesitation and smiled gratefully at him, before gulping the whole glass in a matter of seconds.

“How did the rest of the mission go?”

“You were shot and you’re worried about the mission?” Helen got exasperated.

“Like any other mission.” Tony shrugged, “Though, you should’ve seen Barnes–”

“James.” Y/N whined softly, “He’s going to murder me.”

“Believe me, I’m considering it.” her eyes widened at the voice at the doorway of the lab, and her breath hitched in her throat as she stared at him like a deer caught in headlights.

“And that’s my cue to leave.�� Tony raised his hands in dismissal.

“I don’t want her on her feet any more than necessary.” Helen instructed Bucky, “Keep an eye on her.”

“I will. Thank you, Dr. Cho.” with a last nod, Helen followed after Tony, leaving the two of them alone in the lab.

“Uh, hi?” Y/N waved her fingers sheepishly.

“Hi, doll.” he breathed out in relief, forgetting his anger as soon as he saw her.

“Buck, I’m so sorry–”

“You’re sorry? Then why did you do it?”

Y/N stared at him in bewilderment, “I’m not sorry I took a bullet for you.” she clarified, “I’m sorry I worried you.”

Bucky sat down on the edge of her bed and took her hands in his, “You don’t know how terrified I was, Y/N. I could’ve lost you. What were you thinking? Risking your life for mine, I’m not worth it.”

“Hey, stop.” she scolded, “Do not go there.”

“I’m serious, Y/N. I’m not a good man, I’ve done horrible things. Why bother saving me, why put yourself in danger like that?”

“You’re the best man, Bucky.” she contradicted, “And I love you. I don’t know how many times I have to say it for you to believe it, but I’ll keep saying it as many times as necessary. I’m unconditionally in love with you. I don’t care about what happens to me, as long as I know you’re going to be fine. And for the record, I would do it again, and I’ll definitely do it in the future if I have to. Because saving you is more important than anything else.”

He stared at her with pure admiration, not quite believing the woman before his eyes. She had decided to save him, despite knowing all his baggage and his past, his demons. She knew all of him, inside out, she knew who he truly was, and she had still decided to lay down her own life to save his. She was light, whereas he was darkness, and she had still chosen him. That’s when he realized that she loved him just as much as he loved her. He admired her for a few more seconds, wondering how he ever ended up with a girl like her. He must’ve done something good in his life to have her by his side, but he wasn’t going to complain.

“I love you.” he kissed her forehead and moved to hold her close to him, embracing her tightly, “Always.”

“I love you too.” Y/N said with equal emotion, “Always.”

Tags: @thinkwritexpress-official, @until-theend-oftheline, @sebbytrash, @missflashgeek, @a-little-hell-to-raise, @percywinchester27, @buckysberrie, @docharleythegeekqueen, @becs-bunker, @jadalecki-jackles, @scarlettsoldier, @hewassortapunkroque, @ladyteacups, @dburton1997, @elizabeth-rose771, @ek823, @onebatch--twobatch

[bucky-iss-bae]

Love Yourself (Stony) - Part 1

Hey Guysss, so here's Part 1 of my 3 Part Stony Fic. I think I found this the most difficult, character growth doesn't show as much as I wanted but I’m still learning hope you all enjoy xoxo 

Fandom: Marvel 

Pairing: Stony (Steve x Tony) 

Summary: After Civil War Tony and Steves relationship falls to pieces as do both Tony and Steve - A Loose Enemies to Friends to Lovers - Very Loose. 

Warnings: Angst, swearing, I think I made Steve look like a really bad guy and a prick. But I do love him. 

A/N: So this is the first multiple part fic that I’m posting, one of many xoxo 

Masterlist  Fandom List 

Love Yourself - Part One 

One of the worst feelings in the world is feeling completely alone and unwanted. Feeling like everything that’s happened is your fault, constantly trying to impress someone, someone you love, that someone being a guy that your father constantly talked about, constantly praised during your childhood. Trying to impress him, your father, anyone. But both of them ripped away from you by the same motherfucker.

It’s not like Tony tried to impress Steve constantly. He just didn’t want him to think he was that irresponsible conceited prick when they first met. But instead, he feels like he should have realized, loving yourself is far much better than letting someone else love you. That way you avoid getting hurt.

But of course, Tony feels like a dumbass. A dumbass that fell for the charming smile, the blue eyes that could just consumer anyone. The eyes that held so much emotion, power, love and it quickly moved on to pity. All of it changed as soon as the damaged Bucky Barnes was back.

So much bitterness and hate that was held towards Barnes. Even before he found out the Winter Soldier had killed Howard and Maria Stark. Killing the woman that Tony loved so much yet he held regret in his heard that he wasted his time, and instead dint show them as much love and respect he should’ve.

Tony hated him before this though. When all Steve could talk about was the good old days with Bucky. The good old days with his father. Holding more good memories of his father than he ever did.

Then let’s not forget how that man, the man that Tony wore his heart on his Steve for protected his best friend rather than his partner, the man who had planned out an extravagant yet quiet proposal. Not only protecting his best friend but also keeping the fact that Steve knew who killed Howard and Marie Stark. Steve knew whenever he spoke about Howard, whenever he spoke about Bucky.

It was almost like Bucky Barnes aim was to ruin Starks life. Taking anyone and everyone he had ever loved away from him. Initially, it was bitterness and jealousy that clouded Tony’s image of Bucky, but then as soon as the truth was out. As soon as Steve kept these secrets from Tony. As soon as they were revealed he realized the bitterness was called for which evolved into hate. Such a strong hatred.

Now Steve knows. Steve knows the hate that Tony has for them both. Especially Steve. But there’s a fine line between Hate and Love. The feeling of knowing that he had been betrayed by the man he envisioned to spend the rest of his life with. Being abandoned by the man he trusted with his life. And what he hates the most, is knowing that no matter how hard he tries, he’ll never be able to hate Steve. Not really.

But knowing that his nightmares are back because the only way they ever left was whilst he was in Steve’s arms at night. Comforted by him. All while Steve knew the truth behind everything. While Steve kept secrets to protect another man that he truly loves. But as soon as the secrets were released the nightmares were back, and this time they were so much worse, as all he could see was the man he loved with all his heart, fighting against him. Watching his retreating figure, another man in his arms leaving Tony for dead.

**

Everyone else had soon gotten over the events in Germany, the only one who was reserved was Tony. The only one who lost the most. Though he gained an apprentice of some sorts through Peter, he lost someone he truly loved. Someone he truly loves. The worst feeling was knowing they’re in the same building yet could be in separate universes.

As soon as Steve waltzed back into his life, a simple apology in a letter meant nothing. It couldn’t make up for anything. Yet Tony still kept the letter, read, and re-read the words wanting to know whether they came from Steves' heart, or whether he said them to keep the peace between them.

But in reality for Tony, the emotional trauma Steve left him with couldn’t be healed with a letter. Steve took Tony’s heart out of his chest, crushed it with his bare hands or better yet put the shield that Howard made and put it into the arc reactor.

“Tony” Natasha called walking into the lab that Tony rarely left. “You need to talk to him”

Tony scoffed before turning to Natasha, “Who? Barton? Yeah, I spoke to him. We’re good you know. And I actually made a friend out of all this, that little big guy, he knows his science. Could potentially offer him a job within the Stark Industry”

“You know who I’m on about” Natasha pushed walking towards Tony, “Steve’s upstairs right now. You should talk to him”

“I’ve got nothing to do with him,” Tony said whilst starting to fiddle with something else, “I would prefer to keep the space between us the way it is”

“This isn’t a good way to deal Tony. He’s just as broken as you are”

A grimace settled on Tony’s face as he looked at Natasha, “Right. Him and his precious Bucky. All broken together. Are you forgetting that part where his best friend killed my dad… or the part where he hid this from me whilst we were together… or maybe how he was looking for this guy whilst we were together, without telling me. Or here’s the icing on the cake, how he left me for dead fucking ripping my god damn heart out in the process.”

With each word Tony could feel himself getting angrier, the bitterness he’s been holding showing itself.

“He wants to talk. About everything. So much has changed but you’ve thrown yourself into your work. You only go out for publicity. Pepper… she’s even asked about you. You haven’t been sleeping, Tony”

“I’m well aware of that Natasha. Now please… can you leave” His voice cracked as she turned his back on her going back to what she was doing. He wasn’t sure if she was still there or not. But she spoke up a few moments later.

“At least come up to get some food. Eat a proper meal, then try to get some rest. Stop working for a while. Something Tony. You don’t look well”

“And you want me to go up there and show everyone this? Rather not thank you”

“Then I’ll bring some food down to you, then I’ll take you to your room”

“A meal before getting me into bed. Such a Lady aren’t you

“Only for you Stark” She smirked going upstairs.

Rather than Natasha coming down, it was Wanda.  

“Tony” Her thick accent drawled, “Your food.” She perched herself up on one of the benches the food beside her.

“Thank you” He muttered before picking at the food she set down, he hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he started to eat.

“You don’t need to face anyone. But you need to sleep Tony. I know how bad nightmares of your past can be, I have my own. But I don’t know the pain you’re going through now, just know that I’ll try my best to be there for you”

Tony just nodded at what she was saying before changing the subject, “Who’s up there?”

“Both of them… if that’s what you’re asking. Bucky is recovering, he went under again, I’ll be looking into Bucky’s mind soon. They both live on the compound, Fury’s orders”

“There’s so much more to it than just that kid.”

“I don’t know if Natasha told you this… but Bucky… he also wants to talk to you. I know you don’t want to talk to him or Steve, but out of the two, Bucky would be easier to talk to.”

“Tell him, at my funeral, he’ll have the opportunity but until then he’ll just have to wait”

“Please don’t say things like that. Because then someone will have to send down Clint. Although this is the most you’ve spoken or eaten in a few days. I’m glad”

Despite it being difficult tony fought for Wanda to make sure she got home safely. Since then two gained a stronger relationship. They were family. She cared about him in a genuine way, because she remembers what it’s like to have family ripped away, and she knows when to hold onto all the family that you’ve got left. Even if the family was slightly dysfunctional and full of superheroes. They were still a family.

“Come on, let’s go upstairs. You should probably have a hot shower. Have some sleeping pills and try to get to sleep”

She left no room for an argument instead the A.I. shut everything down safely whilst the two went upstairs and successfully managed to avoid everyone. Wanda left some pills on the bedside table along with some water. And after his shower Tony took them, he was content, until he had an unwelcomed visitor.

The last time I had seen this man was once he was officially free. No eye contact made, nothing. Whenever he’s here I’m not. All I saw was a man I loved… maybe still love who knows if the feelings will ever leave me. But a man who broke my trust broke my heart and took me for everything I had, leaving only my father’s shield.

“Tony” He whispered staring at Tony. It had been so long. The last time Steve had seen Tony was when he left him on the ground walking away with Bucky.

“Leave. Now.” Tony growled out through gritted teeth.

“Please. We need to talk Tony… I... I miss you”

“You miss me? That’s funny. Should become a comedian. Now fuck off out of here”

Tony could feel his blood boiling. He was angry, but also in shock, it had been so long since he last saw him. He missed him. But it had been so long and the feeling of betrayal hit him fresh.

He hesitated before walking out of here. But the pain that caused Tony… seeing him, him being back in their shared room. The number of nights they spent in there together. For the first few weeks, nearly the first month Tony avoided the room like the plague until he realized that he didn’t want his life to be controlled by someone else.  

Tony felt like he couldn’t breathe. His chest was restricted and all he wanted was for Steve to be with him right now. No bad past, but instead he had to be strong, and realize that Steve Rogers would only be a work colleague at a push. An old friend of his dad’s. That’s it, no more, no less.

[djemsostylist]

I watched Captain Marvel...and I think I hated it.  A Review

So like, I really hated Captain Marvel.  Well, hate’s a strong word I guess.  But given what it could have been, and what we were given instead, well.  It’s better than Gagnarok, which is faint praise, I suppose given how much I despised the last Thor outing.  

This movie had so much potential.  So. Much. Potential.  Because they actually had the bones of a good movie.  The casting, as per usual for Marvel, was spot on.  They created some really interesting characters who weren’t actually cliches like they very easily could have been.  And the idea of an origin movie that merely exists for its own sake, especially this late in the MCU lineup, is an interesting one. 

Thing is though, this one...well, it sucked.  And I think it’s entirely because of the writing and directing.  It read like a YA version of a Marvel movie.  And it’s the first time in a while that I read reviews and thought “What am I missing?”  Most of the round-up that I saw prior to the movie claimed that Sam Jackson and Ben Mendelsohn were a delight, the humor and nineties references were subtle and delightful, and that the whole movie didn’t force things on you but rather allowed the moments to breathe.  Even here--the majority of the people I follow are gushing over the movie and the relationships and the subtle building of Carol’s backstory and I’m just like....?  Because I got none of that?

Fury, as a character in this movie, makes literally no sense.  He seems a whole lot more like Sam Jackson than Nick Fury, and if this movie was attempting to show us how a young and bouncy Nicholas J. Fury became the jaded leader of SHIELD, than they fucking failed.  Fury cooing over cats and completely trusting aliens makes no sense, and rather than have him grow over the course of the movie into the Nick Fury we see today, he does...none of that?  He was frankly kind of obnoxious, and the amount of moments he dropped a not so quippy one liner the writers desperately wanted us to laugh at made me actively irritated by the end. 

Maria was a fascinating character, or she could have been?  She and Carol are wingmen test pilots, working under a female scientist developing cutting edge technology.  She’s a single mother in the military with a precocious young daughter and together with her best friend they’ve made themselves a family.  Her best friend is then killed in a horrible accident gone wrong, and she...actually I don’t know.  I’m assuming she left the Air Force perhaps because, like Sam Wilson, she had a hard time finding a reason to stay in.  At least that would be what I assume.  And maybe she always thought Carol survived and the Air Force covered up something they shouldn’t have been doing and maybe she took a quiet retirement in return for not asking questions, and maybe she always wondered what happened the day that Carol died.  I don’t know, really, since they don’t ever really allow her to do much of anything except tell Carol who she is 5 times and then suddenly decide to go into space because her daughter told her to.  We were robbed of Maria, is what I’m saying, and I think they could have given us so much more.  (Give me a story where Maria takes the retirement and the payout and moves to Louisiana but never really stops looking for answers because Carol wouldn’t just have died like that and one day she digs too deep and she runs into an Agent named Nick Fury who was looking into something too and together they discover what the Air Force tried to cover up all those years ago.  Frankly, I feel like this should have been the plotline that Earth had sans Carol, but I digress).  

Carol’s team was criminally underused.  Gemma Chan, Jude Law, Djimon Hounsou (and those other dudes)--they had virtually no part.  And it could have been fascinating.  Carol was with them for 6 years.  6 years.  That’s a ridiculously long time actually.  And she has a life there.  At least, we can assume?  She appears to have an apartment (or quarters), access to public transit, etc.  She is close to Jude Law (I refuse to call him Yon Rogg bc that is a fucking stupid name), and she is also, again ostensibly, close to his team (hereafter called Kree Team 6).  The scene with them boarding the plane for their first mission together (which totally did not feel like that at all) was interesting, and a lovely glimpse in to team and the dynamics.   I liked seeing how they fought together, their ethical views (they go out of their way not to hurt the locals/refugees, which we’ll get to later).  And I loved the look into Kree society--it felt more real and grounded than any of the alien societies (beside Asgard) that we’ve seen before.  But we get nothing from them.  Like, Gemma Chan has 3? lines?  Hounsou has maybe 2?  And Jude Law 100% feels like he was supposed to Mar Vel (and likely her lover?) before someone, sometime after way too much of the script had been written, decided not to go that direction.  Which leads me to the next question, of why not?  Because Carol doesn’t need a love interest? I mean, sure I guess, but Thor, Steve, Bruce, and Tony have all had a love interest, and I don’t think it detracted from their stories?  Like, Tony still has his bond with Rhodey, Steve obviously has his with Bucky, Thor is still codependent on Loki.  Would Carol being in a relationship with Jude Law prevent her from having an equally or more important relationship with Maria?  Like, I would have loved for about half the movie to take place with Carol still with the Kree, if only so that we could have felt something of Carol’s relationship and connection with them, which would make the revelations that much more crushing when she does find out.  Like, how much worse is it if Carol has an actual life with them (which has likely only been a little bit shorter than the amount of time she’s been in the Air Force) only to find out it’s all based off a lie?  Only, it wasn’t totally a lie because she had friends and a home and a job and a lover and a life which she wouldn’t have had if they hadn’t taken her, and yet.

I loved Carol.  Or at least, I think I did?  Reviews kept whining that Carol was brainwashed half the movie, which sure, but she was no Bucky Barnes.  And I loved that.  I loved that she has awful nightmares that wake her up and make her seek out her lovermentor to spar, but she is still herself.  Like, she isn’t deadened and unemotional and tormented.  She’s happy and scrappy and sarcastic and goofy and bouncy and a little bit of a hothead and she is still herself.  I loved the scene when she looks at the guy over the newspaper, the sly little half smile she gets when she says “Heroes.  Noble warrior heroes” like she knows she’s being a little bitch and she loves it.  I love that when she knocks on Jude Law’s door at 2:00 in the morning he can’t even pretend to be irritated with her.  I love that she banters with her team and loves her powers and isn’t afraid of dying.  I loved who Brie Larson made her in the spare few moments she had between the awful directing and the horrible lines and the things that didn’t really make sense.  I can’t wait to see her in Endgame, and much like I did with Hawkeye in Civil War, go “Oh, there’s Carol!” because she had been hiding behind a shitty plot and horrible dialog and suffocating directing for far too long.  (Also, I loved her costume and her design and the mohawk is beautiful, and her powers aren’t OP at all.)

Like, imagine if the movie is divided into Carol with the Kree slowly realizing shit ain’t what it seems and the other plotline is Fury and Maria trying to find out wtf is going on, and then they meet up in the climax to take down the bad guys.  We get to know Carol, Maria, and their relationship to each other and everyone else.  Imagine if we didn’t have to guess at literally everything.  And imagine if, in the end, Carol leaves, not because she has to guide the fucking Skrulls to a new home, but because she’s functionally immortal now, and what kind of a life does she have with Maria and Earth any more?  (Like, the movie doesn’t address this at all, but I mean, this is a Thing.  Whether it’s because she’s Kree (wtf did the blood transfusion do?) or because of her powers, she is immortal now, yes?  Or as immortal as Thor or Steve, theoretically.) 

The thing is, the Russo’s and Markus and McFeely are really, really good at taking little things and tiny moments and making us know and understand backstory, and showing us how relationships grow and develop in the things we can’t see or don’t have time to see.  These writers/directors...are not.  They suck, frankly.  Who is Mar Vel, what is her relationship with Carol and Maria, what was Carol’s life like in Kree land, why is Maria retired and living in the Bayou, why is Fury on uppers, how did Carol become a Kree, why did they give her the disk control thingy and why doesn’t she take it off, what did they tell her about her past, and most importantly, WTF with the Skrulls and Kree.  How did you manage to tell us how to feel to for an entire movie while also telling us nothing at all.  (Also, The Russo’s and M&M are good with continuity while still writing new things, while these people, are, again, not.  Like, don’t even get me started on the Tesseract.)

And then, okay, when the Kree Team attacks that first planet to save their operative, they are all super specific about making sure the locals don’t get hurt, they protest the innocent, etc.  Gemma Chan immediately pulls up her rifle when they say they are just civilians, Jude Law goes out of his way to put up a shield to protect his dudes and NOT hurt the locals, and he seems sorta grossed out by Ronan and his zealots.  So...wtf with the “all Kree all evil murdered who kill babies and the Skrulls just want to be with their families.”  Like, it’s so fucking tired.  A twist for twist sake, which if you didn’t see that coming...well, that’s on you.  I’d be much more here for “everyone sucks a little bc people can suck sometimes” rather than the shlocky bullshit family reunion I was forced to endure.  The Skrulls were fucking insufferable frankly, and the entire reveal with Talos and the Skrulls from then on was like an embarrassing episode of Stargate.  

And look, I’m not opposed to humor in Marvel movies. I’m not, I swear!  I legit loved both Antman’s, Peter always fills my heart with smiles, and Sam Wilson refusing to move his seat up made me legit cackle.  I don’t like when I feel like the writers spend an entire movie nudging me in the ribs with increasing brutality while screaming “Isn’t it FUNNY THO???”  Because no, dear writers, no it’s not.  And yes, yes I do get the jokes, but good god could we have a minute?  I mean, by the end, the jokes were literally being telegraphed a few 30 seconds before they dropped.  (The Kree scanning people--Cat, High danger level.  I bet Fury’s going to be...oh yeah, hahaha he is a nonexistent threat isn’t that hilaARIOUS?  No, it’s fucking stupid.)  

It was, frankly, awful.  I hated it, so much so that by the end I couldn’t even muster up enough of a Give a Fuck to care that her callsign was Avenger (and I fucking LOVE callsigns) or care that the stinger had all of my children.  I really didn’t.  This movie was so fucking disappointing because it didn’t have to be bad.  It really didn’t.  If they had hired competent writers and directors (I should have known when they hired the Tomb Raider lady this was going to be awful), they could have made it work.  They really, really could have.  And they didn’t and everyone loves it and I’m happy because shitty butthurt fanboys are being legit gross about this and I want them to be crushed by money, but.  I want the next movie to have better writing and better directing because it’s what we deserve.  I don’t want to have to keep settling, because it’s good enough.  

[filthyshieldmaiden]

Request #7

Well anon, thank you for your request! I honestly don’t know what happened but it’s all angst 😂😂 This fic just kinda got away from me and there’s basically no fluff at all lmao. It was fun writing it! I hope you enjoy it!!

Ubbe x Reader/ Male OC x Reader

Warnings: it’s all angst. Love triangle. Minimal fluff.

Word count: 1950

Ubbe and you have been very close. Ever since he saw you training with your elderly father and offered to train you, himself. He helped you see your potential and you became quite an amazing shieldmaiden. Training together every day, made you become best friends. You told each other everything. He was there for you when your father finally passed away. He sat up with you the entire first night and laid with you in bed, as you buried your face in his chest and cried for hours until you fell asleep. Ubbe was really the only person you had and he was always there when you needed him.

You couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable when he would talk about the women that he would see. You hid it well, he’s your best friend. He should be able to talk to you about this stuff. But still, you couldn’t help but feel a pit in your stomach as he talked about his conquests. These feelings made you question whether he was just your friend, to you. Are you disturbed when he talks about the women because you wanted to be in their place?

You didn’t want those feelings to ruin your friendship, so you started looking for a romantic companion in Kattegat as well. You met Leif, in the marketplace. He was so sweet and handsome. He was built like a god, but when he was not off raiding with the Ragnarrsons, he was just a simple baker. Leif packed some freshly baked bread and took you to a secluded waterfall in the woods. The both of you talked about anything and everything. He was a very interesting man and it was a very sweet date. Leif kissed you and you nearly melted at his touch. You almost forgot what it felt like to kiss, it’s been so long since you have had this kind of attention, you were loving it. When it got dark, he walked you home and kissed you, goodnight.

————————————————

[The Next Day]

“Y/N, I was sad to not see my best friend at my little feast, in the great hall, last night. Where were you?” Ubbe asked as he lunged at you with a sword, just barely missing your side.

You twisted away from the thrust of his sword and countered.

“I’m sorry I missed it. I always love watching you and your brothers get too drunk to hold a conversation. Last night, I was out on a date.” Your words caught Ubbe by surprise and you were able to trip him and pin him to the ground.

“Who did you go on a date with?” He questioned and raised his eyebrow. You got off of him and went to grab a drink.

“Leif” you replied and sipped your ale.

“The baker that raids with us?” He laughed.

“Why are you laughing? I really like him.” You added as you held out a full cup, offering it to Ubbe. To which he got up and accepted.

“I’m sorry, I guess I’m just a bit surprised. For some reason I just can’t imagine the two of you together.” He said and chugged his ale.

“You don’t have to imagine it, it’s happening and he wants to see me tonight.” You said in a snarky tone.

“Perfect, then why don’t you bring him to the gathering that Hvitserk is hosting. We are all gonna get drunk around campfires on the beach, it’ll be fun.” You were skeptical but agreed.

——————————————

[that night]

You were getting ready as you heard a knock on your door.

“Come in!” You yelled from your room.

“Y/N? Where are you?” Leif asked as you walked into the room.

“Wow, you look beautiful.” He said, admiring your tight pants and nice blouse with leather details that showed off some of your cleavage. Leif pulled you in for a kiss and you told him what the two of you were going to do. He gladly escorted you to the beach and you were greeted by your good friend.

“Y/N! You made it!” Ubbe yelled just as he stumbled over a drunk man that was already passed out.

“Are we a little late? Seems like most of you are completely drunk already.” You laughed as you pointed to the drunk man on the ground.

“Oh don’t worry about him, he just challenged Hvitserk to a drink-off. Clearly you know who won.” Ubbe said, pointing to Hvitserk making out with a woman on the dock.

“I’m gonna go say hi to everyone, Leif are you okay here?” You asked and he kissed your hand and nodded.

After awhile of socializing with everyone at the party, you noticed that Ubbe and Leif were talking. The look on Leif’s face concerned you. You excused yourself from the conversation you were having with some of the women from the marketplace. As you walked over, they both fell silent and Ubbe smiled as you approached them.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” You smiled at them as Leif handed you a fresh drink.

“Not at all, we were just talking about future raids. If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go check on my brothers.” Ubbe said and walked away.

“Okay what were you really talking about?” You asked Leif and he smirked.

“Seems like Ubbe has a crush on you, I don’t blame him.” He said as he brushed a stray hair from your face.

“What makes you say that, Leif?” You asked as your heart pounded.

“Well, he was trying very hard to convince me to no longer see you. He offered me gold and silver as a reward.” Leif laughed and downed the rest of his drink.

“Are you kidding me?! I’ll kill him. How could he do that to me? As soon as he sees that I really like someone, he wants to keep them away. I’m sorry Leif, I gotta go talk to him.” You kissed Leif very passionately.

“Okay, just know, that I like you very much too. He could offer me my weight in silver and gold and I’d choose you.” You smiled at his words and he kissed your cheek.

You turned and spotted Ubbe talking to a woman. You grabbed someone’s shield from the ground and threw it with all your might at him. It hit his arm and shoulder and his face filled with anger.

“What the fuck was that, Y/N?!” He yelled at you and everyone around you silenced themselves to watch you two.

“How could you try to bribe Leif to leave me?” You yelled back at him looking for another object to throw at Ubbe.

“It’s not what you think” he said as he slowly approached you.

“Oh, okay then explain to me why the second I tell you I like him, you make me bring him here for you to try to convince to never see me again?” You grabbed a drink from the closest person and threw the tin cup at his head, hitting him spot on.

“Fuck, Y/N STOP!” He closed the gap between you and gripped your clenched fists in his hands.

“Let go of me!” You fought back, struggling to free yourself from his grip.

Leif angrily approached the two of you, ready to fight Ubbe.

“Leif, no. He won’t hurt me.” You told him and he threw his hands up and backed off.

Ubbe let go of you and turned around gathering his thoughts.

“Why Ubbe? You’re my best friend, why don’t you want me to be happy?” Your eyes teared up. Ubbe turned himself around and looked at your face. seeing tears trailing down your cheeks, made his face soften.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to be happy, Y/N. I just I can’t handle seeing you with anyone else. I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy with me.” Ubbe looked up as he heard Leif scoff.

“Oh fuck off, you’ve been with her for two days, I’ve been by her side for 3 years. Imagine how I feel.” Ubbe spat at Leif. Then waved for a slave girl to fill his drink.

You were speechless, and all of the eyes on you were not helping. You finally found your words.

“I-I don’t understand, Ubbe.” You said, wiping your tears.

“What isn’t there to understand, Y/N? You’re absolutely gorgeous, you’re kind, caring, smart, your attitude drives me nuts in a very good way, you’re an extraordinary shieldmaiden, and you’re always there for me. All of That is why I fell in love with you.” His voice was shaky when he said those last words.

You couldn’t believe it. You had feelings for him and just as you got over it and really connected with someone else, he pulls this. It still didn’t make sense to you. He never showed any type of affection. He never showed that he liked you more than a friend.

“What? So your slave girls and nightly concubines aren’t enough for you, anymore?” You crossed your arms and all the attention was now on Ubbe.

“Y/N, that’s just sex, it means nothing to me. But you, You mean everything to me. Just think about it, we’re great together, we already know that. Please Y/N, be Mine.” His words made you cry again.

Ubbe Lothbrok is begging you to be with him, in front of basically everyone in Kattegat. You couldn’t believe it, somehow this was happening. You looked over a Leif who was just staring at you, there for you if you needed him. You looked back at Ubbe and felt a pain in your chest. You didn’t know what to say or what to do.

“Y/N?” Ubbe snapped you out of your thoughts.

“I-I have to go. I can’t deal with this right now, it’s too much, Ubbe. I’m going home.” You said and turned around, beginning to walk.

“Let me walk you home, at least?” He asked you.

“No, Leif is perfectly capable of escorting me home.” You said and Leif shot up, walking beside you as you left everyone behind you and walked home. The both of you could hear Ubbe yelling in frustration.

“Well…. that was interesting.” Leif finally spoke, breaking the silence. You laughed and cleared your face of tears.

“I would’ve never brought you there if I would’ve known…” you said almost ashamed.

“Y/N, it’s not your fault. And to be completely honest, I don’t know what I would’ve done if I was in that situation. I know we’ve only been keeping each other company for a couple days, but I do like you. I’ve had a crush on you for a long time, actually. The second you walk in the marketplace, I just light up.” He chuckled to himself and stopped walking, Turning you towards him.

“You have a difficult decision to make, but no matter what feelings I have for you, I will respect your decision.” He said, kissing your forehead.

“I’m not even sure what to do, I’m so confused. I need some sleep.” You sniffled.

The both of you continued walking to your house, he walked you to your door and kissed your hand, once more.

“Goodnight, dear Y/N.” He spoke softly.

“Goodnight, Leif.” You smiled and closed the door behind you.

You threw yourself in bed and could no longer control your tears. All you could think of is Ubbe begging for you and Leif being right there, supporting you through a very awkward situation. If you choose Ubbe, you would lose your connection with Leif. If you choose Leif, you’ll lose your best friend. You can’t lose Ubbe.

Taglist: @tephi101 @ivarsshieldmadien @akamaiden @laketaj24 @cbouvier23 @captstefanbrandt

Please let me know if anyone wants to be added to the tag list 🌹

[californiannostalgia]

Holy Shit Voltron Season 6

They did NOT pull their punches, WOW. This has gotta be my favorite season yet. Emotions were flying, space was beautiful/terrifying, important plot points were coming together, and the action was AMAZING.

*SPOILER ALERT IMMA GONNA START BLATHERING*

1. Lotor: Lotor is fucking insane and the creators played it PERFECTLY. His childhood was obviously one of continuous abuse, and I’m guessing the derision he faced for being a half-breed was worse than we’d thought, because he outright despises the Galra. He doesn't want to hear an apology from the monster that wears his mother's face, and when his father is mentioned, he FLIPS. 

It’s hard to wholeheartedly hate him because we’ve seen the potential for goodness inside of him, but with no one to teach him that genocide or forced sacrifices is wrong, he's grown up warped and twisted. What he did to the Alteans strikes me as especially awful because he genuinely sees himself as a savior of Altea. I think his falling for Allura might have been partly because she was the first sincerely kind being he's interacted with, and partly because his ideals of a perfect Altean future included the Princess in it.

Whereas Zarkon felt like a dark, immovable force, Lotor is intelligent, flexible, and much, much scarier. He fooled the Paladins, his Generals, the Galra, the Alteans—like Lance said, he fooled everyone. If he emerges from that overcharge of Quintessence for a final boss fight, he's going to be utterly terrifying. Madness runs in his family, it seems, and it's rendered more disturbing by the tragic circumstances behind it. Lotor should be proud, though. He has more than outdone his father.

2. Allura: Her Altean magics gave the enemy an impossible advantage, but also saved everyone over and over again. When she blasts Lotor with that crazy amount of Quintessence, a part of me felt disturbed by how sad the situation was. This stupid war is forcing a kindhearted child to push someone she cared about (even if it was a relationship built on falsehoods) straight into madness's open arms. Fuck war, really.

Part of her wanted to save him from becoming even more of a monster, but Allura knows where her duties lie. She doesn't have the luxury of feeling sympathetic towards the enemy. She leaves Lotor behind to his madness. She doesn't even blink at destroying the Castle of Lions, the one last piece of Altea she has left. She's a lion goddess, and I love her.

3. Keith: THAT'S WHAT I CALL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. Marmora training plus two years in the presence of a solid parent figure and a space pet did him good. When he returned, he came back decisive, hardened, and completely ready for Black. Watching him claim his seat without a moment of hesitation gave me the shivers. The backstory episode was so good, too. This kid loves his fellow paladins with all his heart, and it's great to see his love giving him the strength to save the people that matter to him. Especially Shiro.

Oh, and you know that moment at the end of the fifth episode, when Keith nearly gives up on himself? Not caring about himself is what he does, what he’s used to. But at the last moment, he remembers how Shiro pleaded him not to give up on himself, and opens his eyes. That moment he decides to live is the definition of epic. (Also, HOLY FUCK THAT MARK WAS A SCAR??)

4. Clone Shiro: I can't believe they made us grow fond of the Shiro Clone through the D&D episode (showing off Takashi's dumb nerdy core, god I love him) before pulling the inevitable betrayal. Even though we saw it coming, they made us remember that part of him is the Shiro we love, so that the battle between the two Black Paladins could carry a sufficiently devastating note. 

I now understand why Shiro seemed so obsessed with playing a Paladin. It was because a Paladin is what the Clone was programmed to be, the only thing he knew how to be. Add that to the fact that the last thing the Clone says is Keith’s name? Yeah, the Clone Angst was strong.

5. Shiro: I'd forgotten how good and pure the real Shiro was. His acceptance and encouragement is like hot chocolate. BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOUVE BEEN DEAD ALL THIS TIME. WHY WOULD YOU DROP SUCH A BOMB SO MATTER-OF-FACTLY? 

God, I'm ecstatic to have him back, grandpa hair and all. Thank you, Lion Goddess Allura. (Since this means he didn't go through any more suffering after the end of season 2, I'm strangely relieved?) (Does this mean we get a Shiro video diary now?)

6. Hunk: That first episode of him using his understanding of Galra culture to save an innocent planet was amazing. (I also really liked the command structure the team has. They readily defer to whoever has the most knowledge about a given task and follow that paladin's orders. It's a jarring contrast with how Clone Shiro was acting last season. But I digress.) Watching Hunk being a genius engineer in action is the best. I love one sarcastic, pessimistic child who basically has a heart of gold.

6. Pidge: She hesitated once and failed to stop the Clone Shiro from leaving with Lotor. When the Castle is hacked and her programs are being taken down, she pulls out her last resort card. Using that program is tantamount to admitting that she cannot trust her Shiro, and it is a crushing revelation for her, the team, and us. But she doesn’t hesitate again. (Always a joy to see her work her programming magic.)

7. Lance: The rapport Allura and Lance have with each other is the purest thing. He throws himself into harm's way for her and nearly dies. She jumps out of her lion to go help him when there's a radioactive flare moments away from coming into contact with her position. If one of them is sad, the other is there to offer emotional backup, without question. I dig this healthy supportive relationship.

What’s special about his character is that Lance is a solid presence to lean on for the others—whether he’s providing emotional support for Keith, Clone Shiro, and Allura, or taking command in the absence of a clear leader. Funny thing is, he can’t do shit for himself. His self-esteem is getting lower than ever. He openly cried (something he never lets himself do) thinking he failed Shiro. The self-hatred at his own mistakes and supposed uselessness is gonna blow up sometime soon, and I look forward to the day that time bomb finally goes off. 

8. Coran: I could feel his grief for his dead planet, his sense of inadequacy compared to his grandfather. Very pleased that they gave us quality Coran Feels. (Also, Dungeonmaster/Dragon Coran was amazing.)

9. Krolia: Keith's parents fought so hard to protect the universe and their child. I can't forget the look in Krolia's eyes when the memory beam showed her a tiny Keith standing in front of a tombstone.

10. Acxa, Ezor, and Zethrid: They're trying to be loyal to the Empire, trying to save their people. They're being faced with impossible decisions left and right, and I'm curious what they'll be doing next.

11. Haggar/Honerva: She is genuinely sorry to Lotor, but sorry can't erase a millennia's worth of abuse and she knows it. I wonder what she will think when she finds out her son has followed her and Zarkon's descent into madness? I wonder what plans she has in place. (Could she be the final villain?)

12. Team Voltron: Here's the thing. In previous seasons, they were Paladins, yes, but they were still kids. They messed around with cows, made stupid jokes, generally powered through hard battles with the help of luck and sheer determination. But this season, when they charged into battle screaming, shield up and sword drawn? They no longer felt like brave kids going to war. They felt like the motherfucking Defenders of the Universe, through and through. (I didn't think I'd ever be this into a show about color-coded robot pilots. I was wrong.)

The scene where they pack their things to leave the Castle behind communicates the sense that there is no going back for them, that they are permanently changed and will constantly continue moving forward. It’s exciting. I can't wait for them to return to earth as hot badasses and bask in the respect they deserve. (Also someone needs to punch Iverson.)

13. Overall: The gorgeous backdrops, the pacing of the plot, the presentation of the scenes, the action sequences, the sound effects and acting—they were faultless. The soundtrack was great. There were countless moments of pure badassery: Krolia's fight, Keith vs. Clone Shiro, that Pidge-and-Lance tag-teaming action, Hunk's powerup, Voltron tearing a rift into the fabric of reality, etc. I loved it, I loved every precious second of this season, and I am blessed to be able to witness this masterpiece unfold before my eyes. 

[sans-mots]

captain america civil war is on netflix, my tummy hurts and it’s my day off so time to watch it for the first time since I saw it in theatres (I hated it that much tbh, still have only seen age of ultron once)

time to see it again

i like how they custom made a fancy red leather star notebook for the winter soldier’s operational codes

two white ladies wearing shades/baseball cap and drinking coffee not ten feet from each other and talking into thin air?? it would have been much more normal to have them be in a conversation, like expat friends meeting up for coffee, then they’d be noticeable but not weird. geez

steve just stole a dudes gas mask that’s hardcore as all hell. aint give a shit rogers

Nat’s stupid fckin flowy hair she would for real just have a pixie cut, or even her short bob from the first avengers if she actually fought like that all the time. wanda’s makes sense because she’s a long range combatant 

ok i get that rumlow’s mad at cap but wouldn’t his real beef be with sam because sam was the one who literally let a building drop on him

sam is literally the only normal acting person with his little drone I love him

i’m really glad that they actually showed human casualities as important and not just being like oops we blew up some random people who don’t matter like in every other action film

ah yes here’s where it turns into another avengers/iron man film and suddenly tony is the main character ( i love u but go back to your own franchise pls)

tony you do realize just because someone goes to mit that doesnt mean you should fund their project (weapons testing is a thing hmmmm)

alfre woodard being in marvel tv+movies a+++

steve looking beautiful and feeling guilty. wanda too. 

uh why is vision dressed like an accountant

rhodey! but also the close up being on him for new york is ambiguous-sad that ppl died or reminded tony almost died?

god zemo. this plot was so fckin convoluted and stupid. 

th fckin sharon carter speech that didnt make any sense to say at a funeral but only served to further plot

nat+steve hugging a+++

sharon and steve are so awkward there is zero chemistry. and what a waste in an overly packed film. like honestly if they had screentested someone who really had chemistry with him it would at least be worth it

sam and steve’s matching baseball caps and aviators. zero percent subtlety

“I don’t do that anymore.” so defeated oh godddddddddddddddd

“it always ends in a fight” fckin hell

bucky using steve’s shield when its still on his arm a++

tchalla’s claws tho. also i wonder if german special forces would be firing on him if they knew he was the king of wakanda lol

TIME FOR THE MOTORCYCLE FLIP

so turned on by the motorcycle flip. just as good as I thought it would be

rhodey “Congratulations, cap, you’re a criminal” 

“dude shows up dressed like a cat you don’t want to know more?” yess sam

IT LITERALLY MAKES NO SENSE THAT NAT IS ON THE ACCORDS SIDE AND SO SMUG ABOUT IT “technically [the shield] is the government’s property” fuck that writing

“my name is bucky” <3

zemo’s plan is still way too fckin intricate

tony you literally need a suit to fight don’t fckin try to go toe to toe with the winter soldier

the looooove helicopter (lens flare, biceps)

whats with them and falling into bodies of water.

lets use 12 mins of a captain america movie to introduce spiderman... ughhhhh 

how did tony already have a suit for peter parker without knowing the specifications of his powers?

CLIIIINNNT thank you. 

the “move or you will be moved” lady yesssss

ughhhh more sharon and the kiss. WHY YOU KISSIN PEGGY’S NIECE RIGHT AFTER SHE DIE YOU NASTY

that car is not low profile, it’s old.

ummm isn’t antman a convicted felon? isn’t he supposed to like not leave the country?

ughhh nat would so be on steve’s side i hate this arbitrary assignment of her to the accords side

“barnes is mine” tchalla that’s steve’s line

“I don’t know if you’ve been in a fight before but there’s not usually this much talking” I love you sam wilson

ew vision on his fckin high horse again.

“Arrow guy” “tic tac”

ew the fcking new york talk murder me 

YOU ARE PLAYING HOPEFUL MUSIC WHEN IRON MAN’S TEAM IS WINNING AGAINST CAP’S IN HIS OWN MOVIE AND SAD WHEN CAP WINS??? LIKE I KNOW IT’S ALL MORALLY AMBIGUOUS BUT JESUS this is supposed to be CAPTAIN AMERICA: civil war (just like, a reminder, the avengers is supposed to be about all the avengers, not jsut tony)

also t’challa’s kind of an asshole to clint like damn if you wanna be friends with nat you gotta be friends with clint 

OOOO I forgot about nat letting them get to the quinjet

also why does peter parker not know star wars??? isn’t he a loser who goes to science high school???

okay and the whole rhodey thing??? vision was literally going to drop sam out of the sky which could have also potentially killed him--rhodey just got hit instead. you can be upset about it but it’s literally not sam’s fault for NOT WANTING TO GET BLOWN OUT OF THE SKY. in fact vision should have been the one apologizing but his amygdala is synthetic so waaha wawhaa

literally the only conversation steve and bucky have is in the quinjet for five seconds and they had 12mins of spiderman backstory??? smh

honestly this movie is such a mess. zemo’s plot, the whole winter soldier(s). this should have been an avengers movie(it basically is with a cap subplot) because literally NO ONE’s motivations are clear which makes it way too hard to empathize with either side. 

i wonder if you calculated all the minutes of different people’s screentime what it would be

smh i can’t believe tony fans think it’s reasonable to get mad about steve fans acting pissy about civil war when steve was basically demoted to second lead in his own film. obvs there are some unreasonable steve/bucky peeps out there but the amount of whining tony fans do is kind of ridiculous when tony has literally such an intricately written emotional arc and steve and bucky both have diddly, as I have said before IN THEIR OWN FILM. (bucky is going to be cap one day might i remind y’all)

eww yes dolores. because all steve/bucky stories must be about bucky being a ladies man. not like he had any other defining character traits, that would be like... decent writing.

ah yes the intricate unfolding of zemo’s storyline ughh spare me. 

lol those are the best security cameras ever for roadside 1991

literally zemo just told you “empires that fall from within never rise again” and you think the best decision is to give into his eeeeeevil plan? be mad, don’t be stupid

like tonys known for being a hothead but all this manpain is so gratuitous.

“he killed my mom” tony your weapons have killed hundreds of thousands of innocents and you weren’t brainwashed when you made them. if you hadn’t had multiple chances to repent, where would you be?

“my father made that shield” yeah for steve. it wasn’t a conditional fckin offer

rhodey is literally the best person. Tony Stank

i still can’t believe the fckin straightjacketed and collared wanda it makes me so mad

good thing the end credits are of shadows and rubble cuz THAT’S WHAT THIS MOVIE IS

oh right I TOTALLY FORGOT bucky’s fate is relegated to a end credits scene ebcaues he’s not goddamn important enough it seems

the white outfit tho

“let them try” thank you tchalla for being the only person who listens to reason and actually has defined principles

i really don’t hate tony he literally dominates every film he’s in so this shoudl have been an avengers or iron man film to write such an intense storyline for him. 

they literally don’t let cap emote at all. like if you look at clips of the film its just blue steel all the way--he never gets a chance to break down and be upset. not like tony does.

tony fans need to imagine if steve came into an im4 film and just became the sole focus of the film, how they would feel that their fave character’s film was usurped. 

anyways---in conclusion i still hate this movie. unlike the first two cap movies I can’t separate my critical aspect from it enough to love or even like the film. alas. 

[123lsd]

October 10th , 2016 I just got out of the most fucked up abusive relationship . He wouldn’t leave my house and was constantly abusing , stealing my money , selling my belongings . I tried to escape to Regina and he kicked in my door . I called the police and they told me they couldn’t do anything because he lived there . But I didn’t want him to live there !!! He refused to leave and would run from the cops . Everyday I was told how worthless I am . How ugly I am . How my body is “fucked” up because I had his children . He would belittle everything about me that made me who I am . When I woke up with our baby in the middle of the night he would wake up just to bother me . callinng me a whore and terrible mother as I’m feeding our daughter . He called me a cow which made me feel uncomfortable to feed my baby naturally . So I switched to formula . His family would aid him in the verbal abuse and would look away when he mistreated me . He refused to leave on his own so I tried to compromise . I told him he could live here for a month so he can find work and move . We weren’t dating and wanted to co parent. I tried to stay home in the day and then he took over duties at night. I wanted to avoid us being there at the same time so no fighting would happen. I would go out trying to find friends , music and happiness . He would take pictures and videos of me , trying to get one of me naked so he could “expose” how ugly I am . How I’m a used up slut who will never be loved by anyone. I would try to be conscience of everything I did , trying to not be photographed or video taped. And almost always I would be woken up in the middle of the night to him being disgusting. When i left or fell asleep he would sell my stuff so he could support his addictions. Still I wasn’t physically able to make him leave . My family was so far away and I tried to run there but chose to stay so I don’t go homeless with nothing. So I went out . I saw and searched for friends. I just wanted to remember my life before I met him. I just wanted to laugh and feel human. & I just wanted to forget what was going on at home . At least for a few hours I can pretend that I am a normal worthy person . I felt free . I felt happy . I felt like I could love myself once again . Like I could become the person I want to be. I lived alone in the city so when I needed help there was no one . I called the cops so many times that I felt like the girl who cried wolf. I was alone and could feel myself losing hope and sanity everyday . One night I came home angry because he brought a woman into my babies home . I felt so hurt and enraged I tried to physically push him out of my house . He kept refusing to leave telling me I was a heartless bitch . That I’m the reason why he’s so fucked up and if I don’t help him I will suffer. I stood my ground and told him to leave . He went outside and I blocked the door , hoping he would just give up . Hoping he would just walk away and go anywhere , anywhere but here . I used my body as a shield knowing that he would never lay his hands on me . But he did . He grabbed me so hard that bruises formed on my arm. I tried to fight back but my strength was nothing compared to his . I began screaming for help at 5 in the morning and nobody came . Hearing fighting at my house was the norm. My neighbours got so used to hearing it they just looked away . When I told someone they said “well what do you want me to do?” I felt so hopeless . He got scared and left when I started screaming . I went back inside my house and felt fear knowing that I couldn’t lock my door and that he would be back. My body was so sore . I fought my hardest to make him leave . I prayed that it was all over . That my suffering could end . I started thinking suicidal thoughts and couldn’t bear to be the person I am. I would take care of my babies but every second I felt myself becoming more detached from reality . I felt horrible knowing that they deserved a better me . A better him . All there needs we’re met and I love them so much . But I couldn’t be that role model person protects them . I couldn’t even protect myself . He came back the next day and tried to laugh it off . I just stayed quiet . I didn’t want any trouble my body was sore and I felt like I was losing my soul . When j showed him what he did he denied it . Saying I should have let him stay and none of that would happen . When I showed the bruises he said that’s not from me . Then he put his hand around my arm and his hand fit perfectly with the bruise . He was amazed at what he did. Once again trying to joke about it before looking me in the eyes saying “ you better not tell anyone . Or I swear I’ll post pictures of your fucked up body.” He didn’t say sorry . I went into a state where I couldn’t stop apologizing for being alive . For existing . My friends told me I kept apologizing when I was intoxicated. My brain just wouldn’t stop feeling that way . My feelings and fears got worse I couldn’t sleep at my house anymore . I ran away and hid , trying to forget and recover . He called my phone none stop and told me all the valuable stuff in my house got sold . I didn’t care . At this point I just wanted to have a safe sleep and to try remember who I am. Finally after 2 days he told me his mom is taking our babies and he is using my valuables as a way of income . I came home to my house trashed and looted . But I felt safe . I didn’t care about anything materialistic I just wanted to be alone and unharmed . I came home yesterday , and I still feel fearful . I feel lost, tired, sore . I’m going to try work on my insecurities and mental problems everyday . I know that I need help and that one day i will feel like myself again . I want to get a job , achieve things , enjoy myself . I want to learn , experience and grow into a good person so I can take care of my babies alone . But it will take time to heal and to forget . Sometimes I get that voice in my head telling me how worthless I am . The insecurities of hating my flaws remain . And I haven’t been able to sleep properly . I know what loving a man is and I know what it’s like to be loved . Not because of him …. But I’m thankful I have past memories of my ex lovers loving me. But I feel like I will be alone for he rest of eternity . No one deserves a used up person like me . Why should someone deal with the pain and effects? It’s my fault I got abused. Ughh I just want to be a positive person again. One that has dreams , goals and potential. I don’t know how long it will take to be normal again . But I’m working on it . I’m sorry to anyone who has to deal with me or is friends with me . I am a difficult broken person right now who just wants to forget. Once I find my sanity and stability my babies will live with me . Until then I am going to fix myself . Pardon my behaviour at the moment . I’m sorry im sorry I’m sorry .

Update : I haven’t seen him since a few days before I got evicted. It’s been around 7 months. I still feel depressed and traumatized. I’m scared that when my kids are back with me he will try to find me :( But everyday I feel myself being happier. I’m in a healthy relationship now with the man who I thought about daily . When I was getting abused I would use my memories of him as comfort. To remember that their are good men out there. And I do deserve to be treated right. I’m so thankful that he loves me back <3 that he feels the same way , that he takes care of me, that he wants a future with me , that he thinks I’m worthy, and most importantly that he deals with my mental issues. When I have breakdowns he’s there for me. When I cry he doesn’t leave. He listens and holds me and tells me everything will be ok. And it isn’t an empty promise. He proves to me everyday that nobody will hurt me or abuse me anymore. He protects me ❤️ I’m so thankful I fell in love with a good man. Thank you so much creator for showing me heaven after I found hell 💔 when I’m an old lady I hope I’m married to the love of my life with so many kids. One day I will have the family I always wanted ❤️

[moonfox281]

You want prompte? I habe one: What about Jason getting adopted by Catwoman and meeting Dick as Robin. I just want them to be cute and happy. Also I want Dick to be hurt and then saying something sappy like, at least I could be your hero. I just want them to be happy.

So, I just got back from a vacation and the first thing I must do was to finish this AU for you. Thank you for your patience, and I am honestly sorry for taking too long to publish this. 

Story of a Bird and a Cat

(Word count: 2,051)

They said curiosity killed the cat.

This time, the cat would be the death of his curiosity.

Dick flung himself across the air, feeling the wind before gravity took over and handed the fall. It was always this moment, blending into the night and flying above rooftops, that gave the fastest beat of his heart, the most thrill of his mind, and the most exciting energy of his body.

It was a good night, a night went crime was nothing but a few petty thugs, and Bruce let him flew around freely in a certain distance, enough to make him feel like owning independence.

He didn’t expect much on a night like this, and patrol was just merely for precocious and joy of being in the air.

Never that he thought, how wrong he had been.

  “Does this mean I’m gonna have a new play station?” Jason said as he poked his head to take a view of what was inside the bag.

“You did good tonight.” Selina smiled as she ruffled his head. “So I guess yes, I’ll buy you a new PS4.”

Fist in the sky, he couldn’t help but grin like a menace and turned to give the tower where they had just broken in and took away 24 carat of pure diamond the middle finger.

Selina chuckled and put back her gargoyle.

“Come on, let’s race home.”

Who was he to turn down a challenge like that?

It was all about speed, and playing dirty. He wouldn’t hurt Selina, not ever, the woman had saved his life and brought him into her warm open arms. She had helped him cut loose from the streets, the hunger, and the cold. Who would have thought getting stabbed in the guts and lying cold blood in a dirty alley would bring her to his life. But it did, and Jason couldn’t be more thankful for his shitty life than he had ever been.

He slipped through an apartment’s window, scared the shit out the old lady in the room, and headed right out through the opposite window, catching Selina jumping above his head on the rooftop.

He looked around, hearted thumping rapidly, adrenaline filled every pulse and got swallowed by excitement and the cool wind hitting his face.

And seemed like he had gotten too excited, because when he spotted the upcoming shadow, he just kept running with the fear of losing Catwoman, only when that shadow didn’t seem to stop and getting really close in a really high speed, Jason stumbled to hold back his limbs.

“Holy shi−”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence as the impact came, smashing his body into that bunch of red, green and yellow.

It was like getting hit by the bus, not quite that painful, but damn, what a hell of a shock. When the stars stopped circling around his head, Jason found himself laying back flat to the cold, hard concrete floor of the rooftop, and what was abnormal was, when he looked up, instead of seeing Gotham’s night sky like he had expected, it was a head, a bunch of raven hair that was a few shades darker than his (if that was even possible), with a hint of blue under the moonlight. His chest was warm and goddamn heavy like someone was lying on him, coming to think with a clearer mind, someone actually was!

And a cape, a freaking yellow cape pooled over that person’s shoulder and over Jason’s feet. Red and green and yellow, and a fucking cape, out of all people in this shitty city, he just had to stumble on the goddamn Robin.

“Yo, get the fuck of me, stupid bird!”

The hero groaned out and slowly lifted his head up, shaking it a bit, making those pretty curly locks on his forehead dance.

Wait, what was he thinking? Nothing was pretty about a damn vigilante!

“You crashed on me.” The little thing upon him managed to breathe out a sentence.

“No, you did! Don’t fucking blame on me.”

“You were supposed to stop!”

“I did! And you just have to smash your fat ass on me!”  

“You’re rude.”

“And who are you to judge!” Jason snarled, wanting to punch this boy square in the face. “And get the fuck off me!”

Robin grumbled and wrinkled his body, shaking the light cape on his back a bit. He stopped like he just realized something was wrong and stared right back at Jason, eyes that he had already known were too blue hidden behind white lenses.

“What?” Feeling annoyed by the staring, Jason couldn’t help but spit out.

“Can you move your hand, please?”

Only now that Jason realized, his hand was on Robin’s waist and holding him senselessly. For the record, Jason did not panic!

“Just get off.” He quickly retreated his hand like it had just been electrocuted, and shoved Robin’s shoulders, urging him to move off his body.

Now that he got his personal space back, he suddenly noticed that Robin actually smelled pretty great, clean and fresh, with a dust of night mist and tea, like the English brand he saw Selina drank sometimes.

When Jason managed to get up, Catwoman landed beside him. She rested a hand on his shoulder, eyes looked ahead, where Robin, who apparently had quickly moved a good 2 feet away from Jason right when he was away from him, and Batman, appeared out of nowhere, now standing in front of his protégé, shielding him with his massive body like he was in front of a potential harm.

Fucking Bat.

“Batman.” Selina started, voice sang in her own seductive way. “How do we own this pleasure?”

 Batman glared and Jason swore that could make criminal shit their pants.

“Your kid seems to come in counter with Robin, Catwoman.” That voice, that fucking voice was gonna give Jason nightmare one day, he could see it.

“My kid?” Selina quirked her eyebrows, totally didn’t buy the Bat’s shit. “And what about yours?”

“He was supposed to move!” Robin poked his head out behind Batman’s legs, a hand fisted his cape like tiny little kid behind his mother’s dress.

“What? You were the one who bumped on me!” Jason was so not having this shit, the Bat was his bad nerve, he was totally gonna wrecked his Batmobile’s tires someday, and tonight was a good night, which meant Jason still got a lot of leftover energy to burn.

“Hey! It was totally your fault!” Robin seemed to not eager to leave without a fight, keeping nudging his little brunette head out despite the Bat kept pushing him back behind his cape.

“You were the one who landed on me and didn’t move out, you stupid bird!”

“I didn’t move out?! You were the one who held on my waist with a dead grip of your arm.”

That made Selina give him weird looks, that made the fucking Batman give him weird looks! Jason was definitely not blushing!

“That… that was your waist?! Ha, you’re so tiny I thought it was your wrist!” Save yourself together, Jason, for your own dignity. “Does it challenge you much, fighting crime with those skinny legs of yours?”

Robin turned beat red and looked ready to jump on him.

“I am not… Who are you to talk, kitten!”

“Fuck you! I ain’t no kitten, chick!”

“You… I’m not a chic−”

“Alright, let’s head back.” Batman put his hand on Robin back and guided the boy away from the fight, completely ignored the tiny pouty face beside his leg.

Jason couldn’t help but feel victorious. He pushed his hands against the hips and watched the Bats leaving with head held high. Chick, he called Robin chick, and got the chance to see the bird turn beat red and boys, didn’t it worth a million dollar.

“You seem interested in him.” Selina smirked at him, leaning on one side, the look she was giving was totally amused.

“What? Who?”

She rolled her eyes.

“So you’re interested in Batman?”

“WHAT?!! Eww, uh… no!”

“So you know who I’m talking about.” She smirked again, this time Jason saw a hint of her teeth flash of her teeth behind the gap of her lips.

“You… you mean Robin?”

A crock of eyebrow was the only answer he got.

“No… nope! Nope. Not gonna have that happen.” She kept looking at him with those eyes. “No… don’t… listen, I’m not… I don’t… Selina!!!”

“Okay, okay. I’ll just drop it here then.”

She said that but Jason saw her mutter “cute” when turning ahead to the direction of their home. He was so not want to step onto this subject again, because he definitely did not like Robin too soft hair, did not see his slim and light muscle limbs catching, and totally did not think that Robin smelled so good.

Nope… just nope!

  “Stupid cat.”

Dick shoved the cookie into his mouth and hugged the pillow tightly. Bruce passed by and he couldn’t help but be curious.

“Something told me you’re not talking about Selina.”

Another cookie was angrily crushed.

“No, it’s not her.” Alfred would wince with the noise he made while eating, but he wasn’t here, and Dick needed to put his anger in somewhere.

“Dick…”

Crunch.

“Dick…”

Cruch!

“You…”

CRUCH!

Bruce gave up and reached over the tray for a cookie, then left quickly, already decided it would be the best to let him solve this on his own.

 “Stupid bird!”

“Bad kitty!”

“Oho, you did not say that!”

They kicked and screamed at each other, moving around so fast even the dust in the air felt hurt when hitting their faces. Bruce and Selina stood in the corner aside from each other, waiting in patience for their kids to finish.

“They seem to put a lot in to this fight.” Selina chuckled with her finger under her chin, eyes looked on the moving boys as yet another table in the Cave got shoved down violently.

“It just sparing.” Bruce grumbled in his Batman voice, no one had any idea why he still did it in the Cave, surrounded by people who already knew his identity.

“They do not seem to think so.”

The couple continued to watch in silence as Robin and Stray fought and destroyed everything in their surrounding, grunt and laughter echoed around the Cave.

  As for the easy nights, of course, Jason’s life had never been that good, because for one easy night to happen, three shitty ones must exist. This was one of those.

Jason thought it was nothing, go to the grocery she said, do not get into trouble on the way she said. Pft, like “trouble” wasn’t his secret middle name. Selina knew it better than anyone, yet she still said it like a habit.

Today was the day he learned that even his awesome punches and the speed he adopted from Catwoman couldn’t handle the seven drunk old man-robbing thugs like he had thought they could. And today was also the day that Jason learned that getting a knife in a shoulder hurt like a bitch.

His life was just too peachy, apparently.

“Getting out of moves, I see.” That voice, that stupid voice that annoyed Jason as much as it kept pulling his attention every single damn time he heard it, echoed down the alley from above. Like a shooting star, Robin fell down a thug’s shoulder, smashing his ugly face down the ground. His cape fluttered like a yellow flame.

He looked like an avenging angel from the Bible, sent down by the God to punish the evil and injustice.

Jason’s head must have hit somewhere because yes, he actually thought there was no better view than this.

Robin flung around like he got wings on his legs, gravity seemed to have no effect on his body as bodies hit the ground continually, showing that no, it wasn’t something wrong with the force of this Earth, it was just this boy that was too special.

If not for the flash of a dagger that caught Jason’s eyes, he would still be there, jaw slacked and out of breath for the graceful but violent jazz he was watching.

It was 5 against 1 now, all of them were triple the size of Robin’s slim body, and trickles of sweat rolled down his pale skin forehead showed that the hero obviously had had a handful of a night. Only when a groan came out of that pretty little mouth, Jason’s head snapped back to reality.

He moved out of instinct and pushed the pig that had the knife on Robin’s back with all he got, sending him to the wall, out on conscious, in his own surprise. Someone grabbed his wrist and it triggered something in Jason, sending out a big, loud growl like a wild animal from him.

The others thugs’ faces whitened as they saw their friend’s forearm snapped into pieces under the force of Jason’s knee. Blood sprung out as the broken bones broke the skin, wetted his gargoyle. The thug screamed like a butchered pig, and soon blacked out by the force of Jason’s kick in the head. The others ran away in the speed of light as they now realized they had thoroughly fucked with a wrong person.

Robin rested on the ground, back rested on a brick wall as he breathed out in heavy. That sight did something not so funny to Jason’s chest.

“Hey.” Jason got closer and kneeled down a knee next to him, his hand came up to push back his fallen lock out of those covered eyes because his mind was giving his stupid stupid heart control. “You’re going to be okay. Batman is near, right? He always is.”

Robin laughed breathlessly and God, did that sound give Jason heart a twist.

“It’s okay. I’m gonna be fine. Have taken worse, you know.”

Jason knew, of course he knew the fucking risks of being or being with the Bat. He got a living example sharing the same roof with him every night.

“Hey, don’t give me that look.”

What look? Jason wasn’t doing any look!

Okay, maybe seeing Robin got hurt did nasty things to him, and Jason was feeling quite shitty right now, and fuck, he got blood on his face. He was wearing a typical villain-like look now, and Robin was giving those eyes, and Jason could see it, right through the damn white lenses.

“At least I got to be your hero tonight.”

There was a almost silent thud behind him, and in no time, a dark shadow towered over his back, and Robin drew a small smile before shutting his eyes.

Normally, showing Batman his back openly like this always made his body ached for a fight or for a run, but tonight, tonight was different.

All of what his head could work on was what Robin had said, and how he was completely fucked from now on.