#thanks neil. I take back anything I ever said probably

[remythologise]

as someone who bought a good omens book well over a decade ago JUST to reread the az/crow bits religiously. good omens tv is the best thing that has ever ever ever ever ever happened ever. EVER.

[mypoisonedvine]

𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 (part two) | neil lewis x reader

read part 1 first!!

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | you've been best friends with neil basically your entire life, and secretly in love with him almost as long. now, you have to wonder if it's time to move on... or if that's even possible.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 10k

𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | smut, angst, pining/unrequited love - 18+ only

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | hangovers, jealousy/mega angst, smut (finally; unprotected sex, bondage mention, crying during sex/slight dacryphilia) and fluff/emotions

You were draped over the couch limply, groaning as you held a frozen bag of peas to your head— and used it to cover your eyes, because everything was just too fucking bright.

“You look like one of those weed commercials,” Jonathan informed you with a frown.  “Like, the one with the deflated girl.”

“Those aren’t commercials for weed, dumbass,” Lucien snarked.  “They’re PSAs.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Jonathan shrugged, “I only watch TV when I’m stoned.”

“How are you even alive right now?” you asked Jonathan with a whine.  “Like, how are you doing anything more than this?  ‘Cause I’m just doing this and I think I’m dying.”

“The secret is not being a lightweight,” Jonathan explained.

“Don’t listen to him,” Neil warned, “his liver’s like a rotten egg.  You should be proud to be a lightweight— actually, I’m still not sure why you got so wrecked last night.”

“You’re just jealous you weren’t invited,” Jonathan quipped, and you were too busy keeping your eyes shut to see if Neil actually reacted to that.

“Are you actually planning to do any work today?” Lucien wondered.  “Or are you getting paid to lay around complaining?”

“Are you getting paid to be so bitchy?” you shot back.  “Just make it my paid sick leave.”

“Sick, yes; paid, yes,” Jonathan noticed, “but you didn’t actually leave.”

“If she wants to spend her sick day here, she can,” Neil decided, “it’s not like she’s contagious.”

“She might be, if she talks you all into coming out again tonight,” Jonathan laughed, but you barely let him finish.

“No fucking way,” you interjected instantly, “I’m never drinking again.”

“But the best cure for a hangover is liquor!” Jonathan insisted.

“That’s the most alcoholic advice I’ve ever heard you give,” Lucien scolded.  “Next you’ll say you should drink in the mornings to perk up.”

“Actually, that’s not a bad idea,” Neil decided.

“See!” Jonathan yelped triumphantly.

“No, not booze— kid, you want me to get you a coffee or something?” Neil offered instead.  You could tell he’d stepped a little closer from the sound of his voice— and he was speaking a little softer, too.  You hesitantly peeled the bag off your head— just partially, that is— and squinted one eye open; thankfully, his head was blocking most of the overhead light as he looked down at you.  “There’s that place on the corner, I could just run and get it real quick—”

“I’m okay,” you smiled back, “but thanks.”

“Not even a hot chocolate?”

You already felt warm inside from him saying that, no hot beverage required.  You shook your head and he shrugged as he walked away.  “Just let me know, okay?”

“Okay,” you hummed.  You liked this, actually— him taking care of you.  It wasn’t the first time of course, you’d gotten sick your fair share of times while knowing him and he’d usually come over and help how he could (which was mostly in the form of takeout soup and entertainment).  But now you imagined it a little… cozier: him wrapping you up in a blanket and then in his arms, checking your temperature by putting his hand to your forehead, letting you drift to sleep on him while he read to you or something.  

You probably could’ve dozed off as you imagined that little fantasy world, if it weren’t for Neil breaking the silence a minute later.  “You know, I was thinking about changing things up a bit,” he said suddenly.

“Please, please, do not try to grow a goatee again,” Lucien begged.  As you and Jonathan erupted in a chorus of disgusted agreement, Neil spoke over you all.

“I meant the store!” he promised.  “The shelves— and maybe some of the posters, I don’t know.”

“Or you can finally take my idea and start renting porn,” Jonathan offered.

“First of all,” Neil explained, “technically, some of our inventory is considered erotic—”

“No no, not your weirdo French experimental softcore— the good stuff: college babes, horny stepmoms…” Jonathan began to list.

“And second of all,” Neil continued, but Jonathan was still going.

“Norwegian twins coming to America for a foreign exchange program—”

“Norwegian twins?” you repeated with a confused grimace.

“And second of all,” Neil began again, louder and with a scowl on his face, “we don’t have any good way to disinfect the tapes after people return them.”

“That’s a very good point,” Lucien noticed.

Much later in the day— after a few customers had come and gone, and Jonathan had left for the day, and the UPS guy had come by with a delivery of some new (old) movies to add to the store’s inventory— it ended up with you and Neil in his office.

You hadn’t tried to be in the same office at the same time, really… if anything, you were kind of avoiding him at the moment.  Not that you could actually avoid your boss while at work in such a small place— even if he wasn’t your best friend— but you’d been dodging the elephant in the room this whole time.

He sat at his desk and leaned back in the chair, putting one foot up against the desk to tilt back even further as he looked through the stack of mail.  For a minute, there was just silence, aside from you both just working.  Of course, it couldn’t last forever.

“You, uh, told me you were going back to yours last night,” Neil noticed as he sorted through the envelopes— you figured it was a matter of time before he mentioned it, unless he had a serious lapse of memory, but you still winced.

“Yeah, um, sorry, I just—”

“No, it’s fine,” he shrugged, not looking up from the mail, “you didn’t have to take me out with you— I was pretty beat anyways, I just… I’m just not sure why you didn’t tell me?”

“I— I was going home, really,” you explained, “I got there and I couldn’t sleep, and wine always makes me tired but I didn’t have any so—”

“So you did whiskey shots with Jonathan?”

God, you almost thought about saying it, even if it wasn’t true, just to piss him off.  Yeah— and we went back to his place and did the horizontal tango.  Would you like me to bring you the register?

Instead, you cleared your throat and set down the tapes.  “I don’t have to explain myself to you,” you told him; he looked up at you with a sort of deer-in-the-headlights look.

“I-I know,” he stammered out, “sorry, I was just… I’m curious, that’s all.”

“Well, maybe what Jonathan and I do is none of your business,” you replied, looking back down at the tapes as you fought down a smirk; you could feel his stare piercing through you, but you didn’t give him the satisfaction of meeting your gaze.  Is that cryptic enough for you?  Maybe I should say something about how I don’t kiss and tell.

You almost hoped he’d go in for the kill— make some shitty comment about how you were a slut or how Jonathan was probably thinking about Norwegian twins the whole time— cause if he did, you could yell at him and you’d both get all worked up and maybe at least one of you would finally get out of control enough to say what you were really thinking.  Instead, he got sweet again; and that was even worse, because you couldn’t resist it.  “Wanna make cookies tonight?” he asked, randomly, softly.

“Yeah,” you smiled, “can we put potato chips in them?”

“You know, kid, I think you’re sort of an evil mastermind,” he grinned.

“Just a creative glutton,” you shrugged.

~

With the Jonathan thing behind you— if that was even really a thing— things felt back to normal with Neil.  Honestly, they might have been even better than they’d been in a while, since he wasn’t with Denise anymore.  Denise had never been jealous of you— she was just as confident as you were that you weren’t any kind of threat whatsoever— but she did whine about Neil spending more time with you than her… that is, when she actually wanted to be around Neil, which wasn’t always.  Sometimes, she seemed to appreciate you taking him off her hands, giving him an outlet for all the interests she found irritating.

But, anyways, she was gone, and you were giving up on dating (again), and Neil wasn’t being weird and you guys made cookies and it was great.  It was easy to remember how you'd survived in this cycle for so long.  Because as much as you were probably not the world's best person, you absolutely were not pretending to be Neil's friend because you had a crush— no, he really was the most important person to you, you just also wanted to touch him in all those ways that friends weren't supposed to.

You were almost giddy, high on how good it was to be back to your usual; the night before had been just perfect, like the old times, like high school— in all the best ways.

You'd probably seen him every day for the past two weeks— either at work, at his place or yours— and you had no plans to stop.  That was pretty normal for you two anyways.  You had the day off from work so you hadn't seen him yet; yes, you had considered stopping by the store anyways since Jonathan came in when he wasn't working, but you'd been too busy with your own errands and catching up on tasks at home.

Figuring it was a matter of time before Neil called you and asked to come over— or just showed up— you gave him a call around nine (knowing the store had just closed) and felt yourself get even just a little more energized when he answered.

"Hey, kid," his voice came from the other end, low and dreamy.  He was speaking softly, like it was a secret conversation, and that just made your heart beat a little faster.

“I think I’ve found the perfect movie to go with the last of the leftover cookies,” you grinned.  “I was going through my old tapes and— do you remember that weird Italian movie we watched in high school?  I think it must’ve been senior year because I remember we watched it while everyone was doing skip day— and we thought it was the funniest thing we’d ever seen— and I found it again!  Maybe it’s not as good as I remember, but I’ll bring it over and we can cover up the subtitles and see if we can guess what the hell they’re talking about.”

“Yeah, actually—”

“Oh!  Also, is it cool if I crash at yours after?  I’ll bring my own pajamas this time— and toothbrush, sorry about having to borrow yours, but—”

“Listen, um,” he coughed, lowering his voice even more, “that sounds great— but I, uh… I sort of have company for the night."

“Oh?” you blurted out, like you’d been punched in the gut— it sure felt like it.  “Oh, that’s… anybody I know?”

“No, um, we met today,” he explained.  “She, uh, came by the video store and we got to talking.”

Whore.  “Let me guess, showing her something from the private collection?” you asked— and you really did mean to refer to his literal DVD shelf, but he let out a sort of salacious chuckle.

“If all goes well,” he replied with a purr.

“R-right, well, sorry for calling—”

“No no, it’s fine,” he promised, “we’ll talk tomorrow?”

Tomorrow.  Yes, tomorrow, because I always come back, no matter how bad it hurts.  “Yeah,” you breathed.  “Good luck.”

“Thanks,” he returned, and you kept holding the phone to your ear long after the click and dial tone.

You knew you had absolutely no right to be jealous.  Honestly, you weren’t— well, you definitely were, but that wasn’t why you ran to your bed and sobbed into it.  You did that because of the hate you felt— some for Neil, some for little miss I go back to video store owner’s apartments, but plenty leftover for yourself.  You had only been through as much as you put yourself through; as much as you allowed to happen.  You stayed by his side all these years and let your heart get battered around… it wasn’t always this hard, and you used to be sure that it would be harder to stop being his sidekick.  But you couldn’t do this anymore— it was just humiliating, and useless.

You thought about calling Jonathan, but you felt guilty dumping any more weepy girl problems on him.  And, you know, that wouldn’t actually fix anything.  There was only one way to fix this, but you didn’t think you were strong enough— you knew you weren’t, actually.

It was hard to say why this one hurt so much— it’s not like you thought Neil was a virgin or something, or genuinely expected him to stay chaste after breaking up with Denise— but you suspected it was because you yourself were recognizing how long you’d been stuck in this cycle with him.  You remembered crying in your bed just like this when he got his first girlfriend junior year; you realized how little you’d changed since then.  How little you’d grown up.

So, no, you weren’t just crying because you were that jealous he was going to have sex with some random woman.  But you had to admit that was definitely part of it.

~

"Hey boss," Jonathan greeted as Neil walked in; you looked down at the tapes on the shelf in front of you, suddenly making yourself look very busy.  "How's the walk of shame?"

"I prefer 'stride of pride'," Neil replied.

“So that girl really came over after close?” Lucien realized.

“Yeah, she, uh, wanted to see The Seventh Seal,” Neil explained.

“I’m suuuuure she did,” Jonathan purred, raising his eyebrows repeatedly.

“Girls never wanna watch that,” Lucien assured.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” Neil scoffed, turning to you.  “You like it, right, kid?”

“I, um… yeah,” you mumbled— whatever you had to say to end this conversation.

“Well, did she like it?” Lucien wondered.

“Uh, we… we didn’t actually finish it,” Neil admitted, and Lucien laughed as he shoved him on the shoulder.

You glanced at Jonathan, but he was already looking at you— and you hated the pity in his eyes, so you looked away again.

They kept talking, but you couldn’t hear it over the sound of… whatever sound it makes inside your head when you’re trying not to cry at work.

~

You didn’t do it that same day: it would be too suspicious, and you didn’t want to make a rash decision while you were still so upset.  Part of you was still hoping to get through this phase and go back to the ignorant bliss you’d had so recently.  But you didn’t, and you could tell that Neil sensed something was wrong— you had been sort of avoiding him for a few days while you tried to decide what to do.

But now, you’d decided.  You reached up to knock on his office door— Neil Lewis, P.I. embossed on the frosted glass— but you sighed and dropped your fist, just opening the door instead.

He was so focused on what he was working on that he didn’t look up— and he didn’t even seem to fully process that you had come in, or that you were standing there right in front of him.  Obviously he knew you were standing there, but he let you stand there for an awkwardly long time without asking what you wanted.

You appreciated it, though, ‘cause it gave you a while to watch him uninterrupted, wondering if you might never see him so relaxed again.

“Hey, Neil…” you mumbled, and he didn’t look up from his desk.  “Um…”

Not sure what else to say, you just handed him the paper.  He finally gave you a sliver of his attention to take it, smiling in slight confusion as he looked up at you.  “What is this?”

“It’s my two weeks.”

His smile fell.  “What?”

Oh, you hated doing this— it broke your heart, seeing that look on his face.  “I, uh, I just think it’s better if I—”

“No, wait,” he breathed, standing up, “you— come on, you can’t.  It’s— what’s going on?!”

“Nothing,” you insisted as you shook your head, “I just need, uh— nothing’s going on.”

I just need some space, you were gonna say, but you knew that would just open up more questions.  “Well, are you gonna work somewhere else?” he asked.  “Are you still gonna come by, or will I just see you on movie nights?”

“I— well, I wasn’t sure about movie nights either, actually,” you admitted, and he laughed— but it wasn’t a happy laugh, it was a confused, breathless, almost angry sort of laugh.

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” he snapped.  “I— you’re my best friend!  Did I do something?  ‘Cause listen, I wasn’t serious about you offering to date guys who come into the store— I swear I was joking— god, I’m an asshole—”

“No, Neil, it’s not that, that was weeks ago,” you sighed, crossing your arms.  “I just… think maybe we’ve been friends so long, you know, and it’s like— why?”

“Why?” he repeated.

“Like, maybe we just think we have to be friends because we’ve always been friends,” you continued, “but maybe we should be like normal people and— and grow apart over time.  We were really close in high school because we were the losers that everyone ignored and now… now I think we should just… grow up.”

He looked bewildered— he looked devastated, actually.  He shook his head, breathing out a quick sigh, and you weren’t sure if he was even really listening to you but you kept going.

“Sometimes I think I can’t get a boyfriend because guys are weirded out by you— I mean, not like that,” you backtracked slightly.  “Well, kind of… but I meant, like, they don’t get that we’re just friends, and they think that you’re just trying to sleep with me—”

“Well, fuck them!” he shouted, a little louder than you would’ve preferred since everyone else was on the other side of that door.  “I mean, if they don’t get us, then who fucking cares?  They’re idiots, then!”

“Yeah, but—”

“I mean, you think I’d date a girl who didn’t want me to be around you?” he returned.  “You shouldn’t be with somebody who thinks like that.”

“Well, that’s easy for you to say, but—”

“But what?”

“But I’m lonely, Neil!” you shouted, immediately reaching to cover your mouth after you said it— mostly to hide your quivering lip.  “God,” you choked, lowering your head down to cover your watering eyes instead, “I’m just fucking… tired of being alone, okay?”

“So, what, you’re gonna leave all your friends?” he said, softer.  “Because you want a boyfriend?  That’s kinda… shallow.”

“What do you expect me to do?  Wait around forever?"

"Wait?” he repeated, giving you a confused look.  “Wait on what?"

You bit your lip.  You couldn't answer that— you couldn't admit that you'd been waiting for him all this time.  It's not like he'd asked you to, or expected you to, so you really couldn't be mad at him.  You wanted to be, of course, but you couldn't.  "I just need to leave, Neil," you whispered, knowing you'd sob harder if you spoke any louder.  "I'm sorry.  I just need to leave."

You turned, reaching for the door, and his hand suddenly came to your shoulder. His voice was needy and quiet: "You can't go, kid—"

"Don't fucking call me kid!" you spat, shoving him away as you cried harder.  "I hate when you call me that!"

I love when you call me that.  I hate that I love when you call me that.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I didn't know, okay?  Whatever I did wrong, I'm sorry.  I guess I should let you go, right?  Or I'm just making it worse…”

You weren’t sure what you wanted, really.  You wanted just as much for him to finally give you the dignity you’d been craving and let you leave, as you did for him to grab you and hold you tight and tell you that you had to stay, that he needed you to stay.

“If you wanna quit, you can quit— no two weeks needed, we’ll be fine,” he promised.  “But… are you still gonna come back tomorrow?”

He wasn’t asking about tomorrow— he was asking about every day.  Tomorrow, the next day, the next, the next after that: he was asking you to rot your life away on that couch watching weird old movies with him.  And in a way, that was all you wanted.  That part you really could do forever.  But watching him get new girlfriends, get dumped, get over it— that cycle was just going to get worse and, god forbid, you’d have to see him really truly happy with someone else.  It just wasn’t fair to anyone anymore.

You didn’t answer his question, you just looked at him again.  He looked back at you in disbelief— you hadn’t meant to blindside him like this, but it was the only way to get a semi-clean break.  You hadn’t meant to cry either, though, but that was pretty much unavoidable.  “You’re really leaving?” he said quietly in sober realization, and you bit your shaking lip as you nodded.  He looked around for a moment, as if he’d find answers somewhere in this office, and raised his hands before dropping them defeatedly.  “Why?”

You thought about how to answer that for a while— longer than was natural in a conversation.  There were a thousand things to say, but only one came out, as quiet as a whisper.  “I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

"I never wanted to hurt you," he promised.

"I know," you breathed, finally turning the knob and stepping out.

You tried to act natural, but that was impossible with tears streaming down your face.  "What's up?" Jonathan asked, more neutrally than you expected, and you broke: you hid your face and ran towards the door, bolting out of the store and down the street.  Just before you stepped out you heard Jonathan ask Neil, "Dude, what did you say to her?!"

"I didn't say anything!" Neil insisted, but you didn't care to stay to hear the rest, you just wanted to be as far away from Gumshoe Video as possible.

~

When you heard a knock at the door, you paused Casablanca and brushed the used tissues off your coffee table.  “Who is it?” you called out, sitting up slightly on the couch.

“Um,” you heard Neil’s voice from the other side, and you groaned as you curled up in a ball, “I was just checking in—”

“Go. Away.” you warned sternly.

“Can’t you just let me in?” he whined, but that’s when he tried the knob, and realized the door was unlocked.  You heard the door open and shrunk up tighter into your fetal position as he entered.  

“Hey, I, uh,” he began nervously, raising his hands in a wave but then slapping them down on his legs when he didn’t get a response, “I just… wanted to talk to you…”

You didn’t respond, and in the tense silence, he must have glanced at the TV.

“Good choice,” he noticed.

“Did Jonathan tell you?” you asked right away— because that was the worst thing that could happen.  Him coming here just because he felt bad, because he found out you loved him, not because he really loved you.  The last thing you needed was Neil talking himself into liking you just to keep you from leaving him.

“Tell me what?” Neil said earnestly.  You peeked your head out and looked at him, assessing with narrow eyes.  “Seriously, what does Jonathan know that I don’t?”

“Nothing, sorry,” you shook your head.  “You can, uh… you can say whatever it is you came here to say.”

“Oh, well, I… I kinda didn’t plan that part,” he admitted with an awkward chuckle, scratching the back of his neck.

“You said you wanted to talk to me,” you remembered.

“Yeah, but I didn’t really have any steps after that,” he sighed, and you groaned as you hid your face again.

“God, Neil, that is just like you!” you whined.

“Well, sorry!  You haven’t been talking to me, I wasn’t sure you’d let me in!” he defended.  “What am I supposed to think!”

“You’re supposed to have some kind of… speech, or something!” you explained.

“I can’t believe I’m finally the one saying this,” he said, smirking a bit, “but life isn’t like the movies, kid.”

You showed your face again, and you looked at his, and you couldn’t think of a better word for his expression than just sad.  Not a beautiful word, not a very interesting one, but the best way to describe him right then.  He looked just as miserable as you felt— and that, weirdly, comforted you a little.  You’d wondered if he was just fine without you (not that you really thought he was, with how dramatic he could be).  “Why can’t it be?” you asked quietly.

He sighed and sat down on the couch beside you; you moved your feet closer to make room for him.  “I don’t know,” he admitted, “I kinda thought our life was a movie— best friends, running a small business, getting into shenanigans…”

“Shenanigans?” you repeated incredulously.

“Well, you know, something like that,” he replied.

“It was like a movie, kind of, for a while,” you agreed.  A sad movie about a stupid lonely girl.

“I just always thought—” he began, but you tightened your jaw and interrupted him.

“What was the plan, huh?  What did you really expect to happen?” you snapped.  “That we could just… do this, forever?”

“Yeah, basically!” he shouted back.  “Why not?”

“Why not?!” you repeated.  “Neil, didn’t you think I’d ever find somebody?  Did you think I could fall asleep on your fucking couch with a husband and baby at home?”

“I— I don’t know,” he admitted, losing some of his nerve as he seemed to watch his own logic fall apart.  “I just figured you wouldn’t be with anybody who didn’t, you know, understand us!”

“I don’t understand us anymore!” you whined, setting your legs back down on the floor so you could face him better.  “It’s like— it’s just like it was in high school!  You know, I could’ve been popular if it wasn’t for you!”

“Yeah, if it wasn’t for me, and that pesky ‘who you really are’ thing!” he scoffed.  “Is that what you wanted, to be fake like everyone else?”

“No,” you admitted, “but I’m saying it’s the same thing— I could have a real life, you know, if you weren’t always around!”

“Well, Jesus, I’m sorry for ruining your boring, normal life with my weirdness,” he offered sarcastically.  “See, this whole time, I thought you were cool, but I guess you’re just a poser!”

“Oh my god,” you groaned, hiding your face in your hands, “that’s your dig?  Poser?  Are you fucking fourteen?!”

“I’d rather be a little immature than be fake,” he decided, crossing his arms proudly.

“Okay, well I’d rather be fake than be alone,” you replied, anger melting away into sadness once again; you bit your shaking lip and looked away.

“You shouldn’t have to choose,” he sighed, leaning in a bit closer to you.  “Of course I figured you’d find somebody, someday— somebody who really appreciates you, you know?  Somebody cool.  And he and I could be friends, too— I always figured he’d have a really cool name like… I don’t know, like Augustus or Rutherford or something.”

“Rutherford?” you repeated with a small grimace.

“That’s not the point— I just mean that he’d be kinda pretentious but, like, fun.  And rich.  And you could invite me over to swim in your pool and play croquet and stuff.”

You laughed a little, then sniffled.  Of course that’s what he thought rich people did.

“And you’d have kids, and they’d call me Uncle Neil,” he continued, “and I’d get them on the really cool stuff, you know— none of that Disney Channel crap, they’d be watching indie flicks and German expressionism before they even hit high school; gotta start ‘em early.”

“But what about you?” you asked.  “Where do you end up?”

“I… I don’t know,” he shrugged.  “I guess I just figured I’d always be here.”

You found yourself moving in a little closer— close enough that you had to look up at him slightly even while just sitting on the couch.  “So you really never thought about it?” you pressed, biting your lip, and you clarified even though it kind of seemed like he knew what you meant.  “Us, together?”

“God, are you kidding?” he snorted.  “Of course I thought about it, I mean… yeah, I thought about it…”

His voice changed a little the second time he said it, and your heartbeat sped up just a bit.

“But every time I thought about it, I just got so— I don’t know— scared, I guess,” he said quietly.  

“Scared?” you repeated.

“‘Cause, you know… it’s me and you,” he explained, smiling a little.  “It’s us.  And I figured that if you and I got together… that would be, you know… that would be it.”

As you looked at him, you wondered if he could see everything in your eyes right then.

“And what if I wasn’t good enough for you, right?  What if I fucked this up, like I fuck up everything, and then we’re not even friends?” he sighed, shaking his head.  “And then— and then what am I supposed to do?  Just, like, not have you in my life?”

You opened your mouth to promise him that he’d always be in your life, that you could never really go on without him— even if you’d just threatened that and stormed out of the video store— but instead, only a wistful sigh came out.

“C’mon— I don’t even know who I am without you, kid,” he laughed, and your heart jumped.

“Okay,” you agreed quietly, “but what if you don’t fuck it up?  What if we’re perfect together, and happy, and it just makes sense?”

“Then that’s even worse!” he announced with a grin, and you laughed.

“What?” you giggled, letting him pull you a little closer.

“Then we get together, and you move in, and we get married and have a bunch of babies— and then that’s it!  Me and you, heading towards oblivion,” he described, pointing forward with his hand like it was a straight path to the end, “being, you know… grown-ups.”

You dropped your forehead onto his shoulder, laughing in exasperation.

“I know it’s stupid,” he admitted, “but that’s… that’s what scared me, I think.  And I guess I just liked how things were so much— well, that’s not totally true.  There were days where I thought I really couldn’t take it anymore, that I just had to be with you, but…”

“But you’re kind of a pussy?” you finished for him, and he laughed as his arm wrapped around you.

“Yeah,” he agreed, “very much so, actually.”

You looked up at him, and the way he looked back at you was painfully perfect.  And now that you saw it, you realized it wasn’t new— he’d looked at you like this before, when he woke you up on the store couch in the morning or when you made fun of him in front of everybody or when you helped him pick what to wear for a party.  How come you hadn’t seen it before?

It seemed like you’d been scared, too.  You could’ve just told him then, you could’ve just kissed him— but maybe you were both a little too afraid to rock the boat.  “I mean, your little future plan sounds nice, but…” you hummed, “I don’t want Rutherford.”

“Don’t rule out Augustus,” he warned, tilting his head and pointing his finger at you, and you laughed softly.

“I want you, Neil,” you breathed, feeling so many emotions at once as you finally said what you’d been terrified to admit for the better part of a decade.

He took a deep breath, too— like he’d been waiting a long time to hear that.  “I want you too, kid,” he admitted.  You could’ve asked him to stop calling you that now, but since it made your knees a little weak (thank god you were sitting down already), you let it slide for now.

“Okay, well,” you decided, scooting closer to him on the couch again, “let’s agree on something.”

“Okay,” he whispered.

“Let’s get together,” you said, trying to keep your nerve, “and I’ll move in, and we’ll get married and have a bunch of babies— but we’ll never grow up.”

He laughed a little, finally seeming a bit nervous, and reached up to touch your face: his knuckles rested on your cheek while his thumb pet your temple gently.  “Okay,” he said again.

Your heart raced as he moved in a little closer, turning himself towards you on the couch, and your eyes moved back and forth from his eyes to his lips to his eyes to his lips— he’s gonna kiss me.

Just when you were about to shut your eyes and let it happen, he pulled back slightly.  “Sorry,” he laughed nervously, “I— sorry.  Been thinking about this since I was seven, it’s a lot of pressure.”

Your heart warmed to hear him admit that.  “All these years and you never thought to just man up and kiss me?” 

“I did kiss you!” he defended.

“New Year’s doesn’t count,” you scoffed.

“Good,” he sighed, “because then there’s still a chance for our first kiss to be perfect.”

“Like the movies?” you asked hopefully.

“Yeah,” he agreed softly, holding your chin and tilting it back gently.  “Like the movies.”

It did feel like a movie; you could’ve sworn you heard dramatic background music alongside the pounding in your ears.  You took a deep breath in through your nose as you kissed him back, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him closer.  There was no point in acting coy now, he knew the truth— and you were totally helpless, this was all you’d been imagining for years and it was real: in that way, it was so much better than a movie.

His hands found your back and pulled you into him, until you hopped up and straddled his lap— holding his face, running your fingers through his hair, kissing him as desperately as you could get away with.

He certainly didn’t seem to mind, in fact he just held you tighter and kissed you harder and even pulled your hips down into his lap where you gasped at the feeling of a firm bulge in his jeans.  “You’re already hard?” you noticed, pulling back just enough to speak, and he laughed breathlessly.

“Jesus, you’re already making fun of me,” he coughed.

“I’m not!  Sorry,” you laughed, “I just— we only started kissing a minute ago—”

“Yeah, but— come on, kid, you’re gorgeous,” he sighed, “and you can’t pull me towards you with my shirt like that without expecting a reaction…”

“I really wasn’t trying to get you worked up,” you cooed, “I just need you that bad.”

“Fuck,” he laughed, running his hands up your back, “you can’t say stuff like that either…”

“I can’t?” you pressed with a smirk as you ran your hands over his chest through the t-shirt.  “Or what?”

“Orrr I’m not gonna have very much patience,” he explained with a grin, “and I’ll just have to make love to you on this couch right now.”

“Oh, make love,” you repeated, shimmying your shoulders a bit, “you don’t have to be so formal, Neil.  You can just fuck me.”

He growled and grabbed you tight, throwing you down on the couch as you beamed and he descended upon you.

You tugged at each other’s clothes hungrily: you had on some baggy old shirt that he tossed aside quickly, he was wearing band merch that he barely stopped kissing you long enough to let you get over his head.  You’d seen him shirtless all the time when you went to the beach together or he just changed shirts in front of you (‘cause guys can just do that, your sanity be damned), you’d even felt him shirtless before due to playful wrestling in the pool, but wow it felt different to have his bare torso pressed against you, and you loved it already.

You know what else felt different?  Neil staring down, mouth slightly open as he panted, at your tits.  You almost felt self-conscious until he grabbed your waist and latching his mouth onto one needily.  

“Fuck,” you groaned, gasping as the tip of his tongue flicked over the bud of your nipple.  His hand squeezed the other one with just the right amount of roughness— his hands were big, and hot, and you’d put quite a lot of consideration into how they’d feel running over your skin.  They were lovely, as were his fingers pinching lightly at your nipple until you squirmed.  “Neil, c’mon—” you started to beg.

“Hold on,” he groaned against your skin, hot breaths tickling where his spit wet your breast, “been waiting a while to do this.  Wanna savor it.”

Well, he could savor all he wanted, but you had been waiting too long to have any patience left; you reached down and got his belt open with a little finagling, pushing his jeans down his legs with your feet.  His boxers, annoyingly, stayed up, but he smiled at you and started to pull your shorts down, too.

So there you were, laying together on your sofa— him on top of you, you staring up at him in amazement— both in just your underwear.  And socks, technically, but you weren’t really worrying about those at the moment.

“Are we gonna do this like they do in the movies, too?” you asked with a breathless laugh.

“They don’t show this part in the movies,” he replied quickly.

“Not those movies…”

He got your drift and grinned a little, but shook his head.  “No, not like that.  I want this to be, you know, special…”

“Neil, I’ve been in love with you since I was twelve.  It’s gonna be special no matter what,” you promised, holding his face for emphasis.  “Doesn’t mean it can’t be, you know, kinky.”

He raised an eyebrow in intrigue.  “Kinky?” he repeated.  “Would you mind clarifying that for me?”

You bit your lip and looked away shyly.  “Well, you know, I’ve thought about, like… like maybe how it would be if you tied me to the bed…”

He grinned.  “Alright,” he replied expectantly, waiting for the list to go on.

“Or if you bent me over your desk at the store,” you added, heart racing with nervousness to admit that fantasy, “and had to cover my mouth to keep me quiet…”

“Fuck,” he groaned in agreement.  “What else?”

“O-or, you know, that thing where you just keep someone inside you for hours,” you breathed, “and don’t even move, just keep it, you know, warm— we could watch a movie like that—”

“Jesus, kid,” he sighed, “you, um, you really thought this through…”

“Yeah…” you admitted, moaning softly and holding tighter onto his back as he leaned down and kissed your neck.

“I had no idea you were so dirty,” he laughed against your skin.  “Whatever movie we watch like that, it better be shit ‘cause I have no chance of paying any attention.”

“W-well, you said you thought about it too,” you remembered.  “What did you think this would be like?”

“I didn’t think about that, I’m too romantic,” he denied proudly as he hovered above you again, “I just thought about, you know, taking you on dates and buying you flowers and stuff.”

“O-oh,” you choked, embarrassed.

“Just kidding,” he winked, “I’m not a saint.  I thought about how you’d look riding me.”

You giggled slightly, glancing away as you were forced to imagine that, too.  

“And how these lips would look,” he continued, softening his voice and running his thumb over your slack bottom lip, “wrapped around my cock—”

“Fuck,” you whispered, nearly overwhelmed by the look in his eyes.  “I thought about that too…”

He growled and kissed you hard, reaching down to roughly tug your panties lower.  “God, I wish I had the patience for that now,” he mumbled, “but I just need to be inside you—”

“Okay,” you agreed happily, pressing yourself against him as you hugged him closer.

Sliding your hands down his back, you pushed his boxers down his hips and gasped when his cock sprung out and brushed over your inner thigh.

You reached down and grabbed a hold of him— mostly so you’d have a chance to get some idea of what he was about to put in you— and you both gasped for different reasons.  You couldn’t speak for him, really, but for you it was a sound of disbelief at how big he was.  Not, you know, concerningly massive or anything— you were thankful for that, in fact— but thick and long and curved and oh look you were already guiding that fat tip to your opening because you couldn’t wait anymore.

Clearly he was struggling with a similar impatience because as soon as he felt your entrance he shoved his hips forward and pushed inside— finding some resistance, just from his size, but then you went limp under him and just let it happen.

You were both breathing heavy like you’d run a mile, when you’d barely moved at all; he was only halfway in, and you already felt so full…

“Fuck,” he moaned at the feeling, “you’re so wet, fuck—”

But then he pushed in the rest of the way and you winced just from the intensity of it— it didn’t hurt, really, but it was… a lot.  In every sense of the word.  "Oh my god," you gasped, holding on tightly to his arms.  

He moaned louder, dropping his head into the crook of your neck; he put a hand on the top of your head to keep you steady (and close) as he pumped into you a bit faster already.  “You’re so fucking wet,” he said again— it would’ve made you self-conscious that he focused on that so much if it wasn’t obvious that it was driving him wild.  But you couldn’t really justify pointing out his sudden boner before when you were soaked like this, could you?

Fortunately, it seemed like he had long since forgotten about that…

It seemed like he never looked away from you, hardly ever even shut his eyes— he just watched your face, with a few detours to look at the way your breasts bounced with each thrust.

The pace was steady and simple, there were no fancy moves or dirty fantasies: he just kissed you sometimes, and watched you the rest of the time.  You didn’t say much until you started to feel the pressure building in your gut— up until that point, nothing needed to be said— but the way he was making you feel suddenly compelled you to start running your mouth.

“So good,” you blurted out, and he groaned a little in agreement.  “You feel so good, Neil…”

“Yeah?” he confirmed.  “Feels like we were made for each other.”

That was not only the most perfect thing you’d ever heard, but undeniably true: the curve of his cock seemed to fit right inside you; he was just big enough to push to the end of you without making your stomach hurt; every movement stretched your walls exactly how you’d craved for longer than you wanted to remember; and you were soaking him, and probably yourself, it was like you just couldn’t stop.  Every movement made you feel more insatiable and yet more perfectly satisfied— it was impossible, but it was happening.  That’s how it felt: impossibly good.

“Doesn’t it?” he asked, like he was worried you didn’t agree, but you only hadn’t said anything because you knew how loud you would be if you opened your mouth.

“Yes!” you cried out, dropping your head back— see, that’s exactly what you were worried would happen, but he just growled and fucked you deeper.  “Yes, fuck yes, Neil—”

“Uh huh?” he encouraged you gruffly, holding you a little tighter, watching you with darker eyes.

“Yes, oh my god,” you choked out, whining and digging your nails into his back sort of unintentionally.  “S-so deep…”

“Yeah,” he agreed, “and you take it so good— you feel so fuckin’ perfect, kid…”

Wow, yeah, you really should’ve hated being called that in a moment like this, but you enjoyed it a little too much.  "Fuck, m'gonna—" you began your warning.

"Come," he finished for you— no, it was a demand.  "I want you to.  I wanna see it."

"O-okay," you breathed, "just don't… don't stop…"

He shook his head, fucking you a little faster as he panted.  "Not gonna stop," he promised, "not until you're so fucking full—"

"God, Neil," you whined, the pressure in your gut building more and more, making your legs tighten around his hips.

"Until I've given you every drop of come," he continued with a grunt, "and it's fucking dripping out of you—"

"Fuck."

"For days—"

"Fuck—"

"Tomorrow at work—" he mentioned specifically, and your back arched as it hit you; jolts of energy crawled up and down your back, your walls clenching rhythmically around him.  

You definitely said something but you were too fucked out to keep track of it.  How was it your job to know what you said?!  It was something with oh my god and Neil somewhere in there for sure, but that was all you knew.  He didn’t even slow down, by the way, just keeping his pace and mumbling praises to you with a rough voice.

As the raw pleasure faded, you found a new feeling swelling within you— a sudden mix of all sorts of emotion, growing faster than you could fight it off.  You’d never felt like this, at least in this specific way, but you knew all too well what was coming: you were about to cry.

You weren’t sad, you were anything but sad, but apparently there were just too many pent up feelings and recently-released hormones coursing through you for you to do anything but cry.  It happened so suddenly that you couldn’t even think about how you should handle it— if you should warn him or suddenly get up and run away so he wouldn’t see you like that.  You were terrified he would be confused and overwhelmed by it, but you were out of options; you bit your lip as it started to shake, tightening your hold on one of his shoulders, and sniffled involuntarily as tears welled in your eyes.

“Oh god, baby, are you okay?” he breathed, his movements coming to a halt, and you nodded your head feverishly.

“I’m okay,” you whimpered, “I’m fine— I’m really good, I’m just—”

He sat up and pulled you up with him, sort of perching you in his lap, and you looked away as you tried to will yourself to stop crying but failed miserably.  “Do you want me to stop?” he asked softly.

You shook your head, hugging him so he wouldn’t see your wet face.  “N-no, don’t—”

“What’s going on?” he asked, smiling a little even as his voice was heavy with concern; he kissed the side of your head as he pet your hair gently.

“I’m just— m’just really happy,” you breathed shakily.  “I just can’t believe this is happening— in a good way.”

He beamed and pulled back to look at your face, holding your cheeks and wiping your tears away with his thumbs.  “Yeah,” he agreed, “I know— that’s how it feels for me, too.”

You choked on another sob, and he soothed you softly, holding you a little closer.  “Don’t stop, please,” you whispered, “you said you wouldn’t—”

“Yeah, but I gotta make sure you’re okay,” he laughed.

“I am, really,” you insisted, with a sniffle, “it’s happy tears, I promise.  Y-you can keep going, unless all the crying is turning you off…”

“No, it’s okay, kid,” he promised with a little laugh, leaning down to look into your eyes when you tried to glance down, “hey— it’s sweet, okay?  And I always thought you were kinda cute when you cried— um, not in a creepy way, but, y’know, like… when we watched sad movies and stuff, and you would hide your face in my shirt—”

You whimpered and shoved your face into the crook of his neck.

“Kinda like that…” he mumbled, rubbing your back as he laid you back down on the couch.  “Hey, shh, it’s okay… m’gonna move again, alright?”

You only nodded a little, holding onto him tightly, still crying but managing to get a moan out when he carefully thrusted into you again.  He found his pace again, though slower and gentler than before, and lifted himself partially to hover above you.  Pushing away some hair that had clung to your face, sticky with sweat and tears, he smiled down at you.

“Hey,” he whispered, “look up at me…”

Afraid to face him like this, you hesitated but blinked quickly as you looked back at him.

“You look beautiful,” he promised quietly.  “This is how it was supposed to be, okay?  This is how it always should’ve been.”

You nodded in agreement, starting to cry a little harder— though it was pure joy, there was no other way to describe it.

“And this is how it’s gonna be now,” he assured, “you and me.”

“Yeah,” you whispered under your breath, reaching up to run your fingers through his hair.  He kissed you again softly, and the rest of it was like that: more gentle and patient, shockingly tender, until you two were just melting into each other and you shamelessly gave into every emotion and sensation he guided you through.

~

Today, the store was running a special on cop movies— so you and Neil were, obviously, dressed appropriately in fake uniforms he got on clearance at the costume shop.  Was yours technically a reconstituted ‘sexy cop’ with fishnets and a tight latex skirt?  Yes, but you at least ditched the fuzzy handcuffs…

You were sitting on the front counter, swinging your legs and watching Neil as he roamed the store, your eyes lingering on the way those navy blue pants did his ass more than a few favors… the whole outfit was working for you, shockingly.  The badge, the aviator shades— you were even beginning to see the appeal of the fake mustache.

He seemed to notice you looking, and he smirked at you proudly as he set down the tape he’d been holding.

“Hey,” Neil purred, taking off his sunglasses somewhat dramatically— he sauntered up to you, putting his hands on the counter on either side of your legs.  He had that sparkle in his eye as he looked you up and down, and you bit your lip.  

“Hey,” you returned, reaching up to drape your arms over his shoulders.

“You look cute,” he hummed at you proudly.  “Who picked out this outfit for you?”

“Oh, that would be my super weird boss,” you smirked, your fingers tracing the neckline of Neil’s semi-unbuttoned uniform shirt and the slightest hint of chest hair peeking out from it.  “He makes me dress up to promote our specials.”

“He’s probably got a crush on you,” Neil suggested with a grin.

“You think so?” you cooed as you leaned down, kissing him with a smile still on your lips— but you made a little face and pulled back.  “The mustache feels weird…”

“Mm, but you’re still gonna kiss me, right?” he assumed proudly— he knew damn well you found him totally irresistible.

“Yeah,” you admitted with a giggle as you kissed him again: deeper, and longer, but still slow and sweet.

The front door jingled as Jonathan walked in.  “Woah, hey, workplace!” he groaned, covering his eyes for a minute, and you laughed as you broke away from the kiss, shoving Neil aside and hopping off the counter.  “How are our resident lovebirds doing?”

“Horny,” Lucien answered in a thoroughly unamused tone.

“Well, why don’t you let us take over for a couple hours?” Jonathan suggested with a shrug.  “Me and Luc can manage and you two can, you know, take a long lunch and shake each other down.”

“What?  No,” you grimaced, shuddering at the idea of Jonathan and Lucien waiting for you two here and knowing exactly what you were doing a few blocks down at Neil’s apartment.

“Alright,” Neil agreed at the same time, but quickly changed his answer to a rushed “n-no, yeah, definitely not.”

Lucien smirked and Jonathan shook his head.  "Suit yourselves," he replied as he walked away.

You planned to walk away, too, and finally get back to work, but Neil wrapped an arm around you and pulled you into him.  You smiled and hugged him back, leaning your head against his chest with a satisfied sigh.

When he let you go, you lingered for just a moment longer before finding the strength to pull away and get back to work— yet again, he stopped you, this time by touching your face to turn it back to him and softly mumbling ‘hey’.

“What is it?” you asked quietly as you looked up at him expectantly.

“I love you, kid,” he said gently, petting your cheek for a second.

“Wh-what way do you mean that?” you wondered, and he furrowed his brows with a smile.  “Like— we used to say that sometimes,” you went on, awkwardly stammering as you looked down again, “but, you know… we never meant it like that—”

He interrupted you with a soft whisper of your name, getting your attention once more, tilting your head until your gaze met his.  “I only ever meant it one way,” he admitted.  “That way.”

one year later…

You wandered through the crowded video store, doing lots of waving and greeting and patting of shoulders— thanking everyone for coming out to celebrate with you.

A gaggle of women suddenly descended on you with giddy delight, and you took turns hugging them and repeating your practiced line about how you were so glad they could make it.

“You look great,” Helen informed you, and you dismissed it with a wave of your hand.  “No, really, it’s so cute!  You look good in white.”

“You think so?  I was worried it would be weird,” you admitted as you looked down at the silk cocktail dress.

“No, it makes perfect sense,” Priyanka said, “and it’s so cool!  Is it real vintage?”

“Yeah, you know how we are,” you shrugged and laughed.

“Well, let’s see the ring!” Helen insisted with a squeal, and all three women yelped happily when you brandished your left hand for them to get a good look at it. 

“Oh my god, it’s gorgeous!” Georgia gasped.

“Thank you,” you beamed, “I can’t imagine where Neil got the money for it— god knows it wasn’t here, I’ve seen our margins!”

The ladies all seemed to grab your hand at once and yank it closer, tilting your finger to watch the stones sparkle in the light.  As they fawned over it, you looked over and found Neil watching you, beer in hand, looking totally smitten.  You waved with your free hand and got a small wave back, making you smile even wider.

You split away from the girls after a while, soon stopped by one of Neil’s only friends who actually had this whole adult thing mostly figured out: Marcia, though her husband and baby were across the store meeting the many, many guests who wanted a chance to hold the precious thing.

“I always knew he loved you,” Marcia insisted as she winked at you.  “I’m so glad he finally figured it out.”

“Yeah, me too,” you agreed with a laugh.  “It’s been great— like, really great.  All the fun we had before, but—”

“But you get to have him all to yourself?” she assumed with a grin.

“Well, sure,” you admitted, “but not just that.  He’s changed a lot, you know.  He’s still the same Neil I always loved but…”

You trailed off, but she nodded like she understood.  “But he’s grown up,” she finished for you.

“We got together on the condition that we wouldn’t grow up,” you explained, “that we wouldn’t change and get, you know, boring.”

Marcia rolled her eyes, making you feel much younger than her than you were.  “That’s what you figure out eventually,” she replied, “that growing up is a lot more fun when you’re growing together.”

Her unexpectedly sage advice was still in your head almost an hour later, when you and Neil reunited at the back of the room.

“You ready?” he asked you softly, and you nodded with a smile.

“Been ready for this for a long time,” you replied.

Neil got the crowd’s attention, motioning for the guests to gather in a vague semi-circle facing you and him; you squeezed his hand, feeling your heartbeat pick up just a bit.

“We just wanted to thank you all for coming,” Neil explained, “I mean, it’s so special to have everyone we love gathered in our favorite place…”

You looked out at the crowd filling the store and noticed that, all together, it was a lot more loved ones than you realized you had.

“And with that in mind, we do have a little announcement,” he continued with a beaming smile.

“Pregnant!” Lucien blurted out, and you glared at him as a fellow guest slapped him on the arm.

“Not that,” Neil laughed, “maybe I shouldn’t have said it that way but, uh, anyways…”

“This isn’t just our engagement party,” you admitted with a grin, “it’s our wedding!”

You pulled the mini-veil out from where you’d hidden it in a fake VHS clamshell and quickly clipped it on, the crowd clapping and gasping, and you motioned for Jonathan to come forward to do the honors.

“The bride and groom have prepared special, joint vows,” Jonathan explained as he stepped up beside you both, pulling notecards out of his pocket.  You and Neil faced each other, holding your hands together between you; he even swung your hands a little as he smiled at you, and you laughed softly.  “Do you take each other in marriage, for life, no takebacksies?”

“We do,” you both replied.

“Do you swear to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?” he asked, and you gave him a confused look.  “Sorry— wrong line.  Watching too much Law & Order…”

Your spectating friends and family chuckled, though some seemed nervous with Jonathan making a joke like that during your literal wedding ceremony— but you thought it was perfect.  You wouldn’t have asked Jonathan to officiate if you didn’t want some ill-timed, goofy joke.

“Do you promise to keep each other close in body and spirit, to share your joy and pain, and to face every day together as best friends and life partners?”

“We do.”

“And do you swear,” Jonathan went on, suddenly getting very serious and lowering his voice, “to always, without fail… be kind and rewind?”

The crowd chuckled, and you and Neil agreed enthusiastically: “We do.”

“Then, by the power vested in me by a very shady website that I think might have been some kind of minister license scam out of Estonia… I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Jonathan beamed, throwing his notecards in the air triumphantly.  “Now kiss each other, ya idiots!”

It was one of those wedding kisses that went on a little too long, a few whistles and whoops from the crowd alerting you that it might be too steamy for such a public moment— but damn, was it perfect.  As much as you just wanted to grab onto your husband and never let go, both of you were instantly swarmed by loved ones wanting hugs and to offer their congratulations.  You obviously obliged, thanking everyone you could for being a part of this impromptu ceremony… and basking in the joy when most of them said something about how they always expected this or couldn’t believe it took so long.

“Congrats, man,” Jonathan mumbled to Neil as he grabbed him by the shoulder.  “I think this is the part where she fucks me and kills Lucien.”

“Shut up,” Neil scoffed as he shoved Jonathan away, but he couldn’t stop smiling— and he couldn’t stop staring at you. Here's looking at you, kid.

[sustiawan-author]

Neil Perry SFW Alphabet . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

Aw finally a post for our favorite Puck. Let's get into it.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

He is so sweet. He's the sweetest boy you've ever met, and it shows each time you spend time with each other.

He shows his love through gift giving; buying you notebooks before you even asked just because he knew you've ran out of paper (he found this out by taking a peek at your desk when he visited you), finding floral hairclips at the store just to buy them for you because he thought they'd look "just heavenly" on your hair (lol).

He's lowkey obsessed with making you look like a Shakesperean dream. To him, you are already — but looking the part? Ohhhh boy, you'll get him breathless. And I'm talking about greek stolas, medieval wear, all that good stuff.

Accompanies you on errands (yes, he's big on quality time.) You probably cycled your bicycle around town to find some newspapers to read, and he'd be there with you. Either walking along, or riding the bike while you sit tight and hold on at the backseat. It's just so romantic.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

So annoying lol.

It's only fair since he visits you so often, but he'd find any — and I mean any — excuse to be with you. Maybe he'll say to his father how he's got homework (which he's probably smart enough to not need to be tutored by the girl across the street from his school), or he'll use the recreation time provided by Welton to plan anything with you.

Honestly, he's too much of a romantic to not be so obvious about it.

He might not tell his parents yet until he's ready because as far as he can allow it, to them you're just his "extremely good friend (for now)". But to his friends, he makes it clear as day — no matter how much he attempts to deny it.

They just know someone like him won't be going out for three hours without clear purpose, okay.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

HE LOVESSSS IT OMG.

Girl give this man a hug. Many hugs. Deep, devoted hugs with the sweetest kisses.

Any of you who volunteer to love on this man with faith, the entire fandom will THANK YOU because at least now he knows someone has true faith in him.

Kiss his hair, kiss the side of his mouth, kiss his forehead. He loves it all. There's no such thing as too much affection with him

If you're in public, he'll settle for holding your hand. It shows others that you're his.

If you kiss him in public, though, he probably won't be as good at kissing you back. He gets far too red, far too quickly. It emits that stifled, giddy laugh he always does.

Hold on to his bicep. It's his favorite thing in the world. Makes him feel in charge, like he's your husband or something. He eats that UP.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

YESSSSSSSS. (lol)

Almost to a fault since he's the rushing type. His dream, even if he hadn't realized it as strongly before he got inspired by Keating, is to love and be loved.

Slipping a ring on your finger is just the cherry on top then ^_^

Neil loves you. He loves imagining a future with you, the present with you, and how different his past would be had you been there for him and near him.

He kisses you so gently each time that he wishes no more for you two to have your own space, to have your own privacy, to love without the meddling of others (including his parents.)

That being said he is... not too good at cooking with a recipe.

He's amazing at doing individual tasks, though, we have to give credit to that. Neil helped his mother out in the kitchen often already, so he knows how to cut, slice, mix, blend. All that. He probably knows how to make a good stew, but you have to watch over him and guide him over the recipe or he'll accidentally knock over the food processor.

He's a clean guy, okay. Both to himself and his surroundings.

Neil irons his clothes himself, he steams them even, he washes them, he sweeps and wipes his dorm. You'll be satisfied.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I SEE YOU ANGST LOVERS BEING SNEAKY WITH THIS LETTER

Thank you, next.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He's gonna roar at this lol.

Like,,, really quick. Right after school. A maximum of a year.

He's just ready to treat and commit to YOU, okay... like please let him build a home and life with you.

His parents would expect that he settles down with a nice girl too, so having you is a blessing to them.

Speaking of their conventionality and conservativeness, Neil would probably find it so relieving if you do want to marry him just as quick.

Give this man kids y'all.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

♡o♡ He loves you. No question about that.

You know how he has big hands? He says their purpose is to hold yours when you almost trip after trying to manouver around a big oak tree.

That's your hangout spot btw lolz.

He always gives you those puppy eyes when he's admiring you, resting his chin on his arm when you're doing something.

Neil smiles wider when you poke his nose and nuzzle it against his.

Yeah, pretty self explanatory.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

They're warm, loving. It feels like home, like safety. He's so broad and tall that hugging him feels like a weighted blanket.

You love it most when he's rested against you when you both fell asleep after reciting Romeo and Juliet with each other.

He hugs you like you could dissipate from him any second; with desperation, a little bit of insistence, and a lot of devotion.

Sigh.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

This is adorable.

Neil saw you, his "best friend" (whom his parents already approve of, so thank goodness for that peace), sitting on his second play; a proud beam on your face and clapping the loudest applause.

It's only possible that he got to participate in it to begin with because you convinced his parents during dinner that theatre could "provide as a stress relief" for him before he entered Ivy League.

At the end of Hamlet, he pulls you onstage and kisses you in front of everybody. Yes, even his buddies.

He gave you his biggest bouquet full of carnations, delphiniums, lilacs, and pomanders and latently (not so much) declares you as his.

You can't help but agree since he's been the love of your life even before you've both verbally admitted it.

He kisses your temples right after, a show of gratitude, and whispers those words you've only heard in your dreams. Everyone's never been so proud of him. You're his success.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Ohhh yikes. This one is interesting.

He does. LOLLLLL

Let's say you've married (YAYY omg), and you've settled down for quite some time. Maybe a year or two. He's your loving husband, and you're his delightful darling wife.

One day, he got an invitation for a reunion (yes, at Welton.) You both attend and all went well, but there was a reason why he didn't tell anyone outside of the Dead Poets about you while you two were in high school.

You're pretty. So, so pretty. All he's ever hoped and dreamed of — and apparently others too.

There's a reason why he grasps your shoulder closer during the event when his other classmates came to say hello.

It's less jealousy and more protectiveness.

He's your knight in shining armor and he needs to know you keep viewing him that way :( even while others might not believe so.

But he's awesome, so a little rub on his chest and a nice "I'll get us some hors d'eouvres, darling? I know how much you love the raspberry tarts ^_^" gets him all settled

And a bit smug, let's not lie.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Oh, this is soooo ଘ(੭◌ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚

He cups your jaw and caresses his thumb there, and he kisses you like a promise. Like he's going to war.

Don't be surprised. You literally married a theatre kid.

Neil makes sure you're both somewhat secluded, be it under a sycamore tree or by the corner of the library shelves, and backs you up before kissing you like he'll be the only one you'll love for eternity.

He loves to be kissed by his knuckles. It makes him feel so mighty and brave. Don't ask me why, it's a man thing. Lol.

Sometimes he'll bury his face on your neck and hug you from behind. You two will share stories and he'll be content just guarding you there.

Sigh. Love.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Neil loves them. Finds them especially adorable if you were the one to interact with them.

He's especially good at handling his baby niece. She's just two years old, but she calls him 'Ni-ni' each time she visits his parents' home.

They almost always make him babysit her when the parents are downstairs eating or just talking, and he always has such good fun.

He's an imaginative man, so he'll go out of his way to read a story to her and make funny noises until she cackles in her little voice and tumble backwards.

It all changed when you came into the picture.

He doesn't wait until he gets told to take care of her now — no, he offers himself to the position.

His parents love inviting you over for dinner or for thanksgiving and other holidays if you're not back at your parents' place, so he'll bring his niece to you and you'll both take care of her together.

It's the most fun he's ever had.

Let's say he'll probably talk about having kids that exact same night. Just entertain him. He's having a moment.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Once you're married, he probably works quite early. So you'll help fix his breakfast and he'll kiss you on the forehead, and while you're cooking, he'd tell you how gorgeous you are, how he's so happy to have you there, and how he's going to write you in his next playwright.

He groggily insists you should stay home beforehand, but both of you know you two are far too carpe diem-ish to sit still and do nothing.

You spend the day doing activities with the other in mind and heart.

Such a lovely routine.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Assuming he works long hours, by the time he's home you're both already tuckered out.

He mumbles something incoherent and slips behind to hug you like a grizzly bear preparing for hibernation

You just giggle and remind him to change and wash up first, since you've gotten a bit more sleep while waiting for him to return.

Neil pouts when you prompt him to get upright, but he eventually caves when you kiss him with the promise of more affection when he manages to change his clothes and get a nice wash.

Then he goes down to lock up everything before you two go off to peaceful slumber.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He's the type to prefer the attention to be just around the both of you in the beginning.

He generally avoided talking about things surrounding his home life, or other things that revolve around that.

Once you've become familiar to one another and you assure him, with great vigor, that whatever he's been through or will go through in terms of family ties won't deter you from the relationship, then he'll open up.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He's only ever angered by principle. If injustice is committed, if the people he cares about ever gets into trouble or unjustified danger, or something unfair ever happens.

He used to bottle it up and just say 'forget about it,' but you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms and berated him there and then.

Ever since, he's seen his anger as not a form of rebellion, but as an expression of care and genuine passion.

"If my love that envelops you is one of good passion, then I don't doubt that my rightful anger should be any less than."

Read that in his voice because yes, he said that.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He's a poet, baby.

Yes he does.

Even the way your fingers move in tandem when you wash your hair does not get missed out by him.

He's not perfect, though, and he knows you prefer him this way; he forgets your friends' names. Lol. I have to say it. Unless you mention them a lot of times or they're seen like 24/7 with you, he won't be able to tell who they are.

Everything else, he associates with you though. Like to him, your favorite color is his definition of you, your favorite flower is you. You become everything he's remembered about you.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Ah, love.

He remembers the moment you first declared your feelings for him, backstage when everyone has started to go home.

He stayed a while to talk to you with the excuse of taking off his costume and makeup, but you stayed there.

You sat on top of the vanity, swinging your legs as you looked up to him with sparkles of admiration in your eyes.

He leaned closer, savoring you. He didn't want to kiss you yet. Neil just wanted to make sure you're there, you're his, and that moment was shared just between the two of you.

His greatest dreams of love had just been declared into fruition, and he couldn't have been happier.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

The first bit of this has already been answered so the second part it is.

He does it way more to you, but anytime you do it back, he finds it soooo ଘ(੭◌ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚ when you step up for him.

Like the time you had to convince his parents? Or that one time you snapped back a snarky retort at Charlie for teasing him? Ooh boy. Gets him going.

He just likes the feist in you, okay.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

This is the sweetest thing because tell me he wouldn't absolutely write a journal's worth of poems for each of your birthdays.

He has the money to buy you trinkets and he would, like heart-shaped pendants, flower promise rings.

But he also loves to put in effort for the DIY gifts. I'm talking about scrapbooks with the photo of you two together, complete with the lipstick kiss mark you've left on his old notebook, torn neatly and stuck to the journal with some patterned tape.

His concept of love is to go all out for his beloved. In this case, you ♡☆♡ ^_^

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

I'm gonna be so real...

He is such a crybaby when he's sick.

He'll go all out with the sniffles, the red nose and the coughing.

"Honey, come on. Please :(( I can't grab it myself," as he feigns reaching for the flu medicine. He hides himself under the pillow and whines for you.

You dated and married a theatre kid. Don't blame me for his dramatics.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Oh, man lol. Boy has his self perception changed since he's met you.

"Honey, don't you think I look just as divine as you are? My arms grew quite stronger," as he flexes in front of the mirror. And he is locked IN to his reflection as he mutters this.

He used to be quite modest about himself, but now he's thrown it all to the side. Thanks to your endless compliments and praise that he let into his head!

"Darling, won't you hold the mirror for me, please? Need to look my best as your man."

You smack his arm with a hearty laugh before you two go out. He loves it.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He's a lovely, mature, and sane man.

Secure attachment is all I'll say.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Let me just mention a couple of out-of-context phrases he'd say to you.

"But I wanted those bags of candies!"

"You promised to stay" (yes, he is guilt-tripping you. he does that often with his puppy, brown eyes)

"I love the way you smell. Honey, you're just as good as pie."

Like dude alright you're smitten leave all of us be.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He has an unspoken (yet often expressed) disgust about porridge.

Yes, he eats it when he's sick because he couldn't possibly have said no to his mother. But yes, he does gag a number of times when she isn't in the room because of how awful the texture is.

If he's sick, just make him soup. He wouldn't ever tell you if he doesn't like your cooking, but for the sake of his stomach.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Y'all r gonna laugh so hard but he's a drooler.

Like he drools and he curls up like a humbug.

It's okay, just put a napkin on top of his pillow and the problem will be solved.

You won't be able to deny his bear hugs anyway and you love him too much so.

You'll live.

taglist ⤷ @astridstark13

[roguishcat]

ooooh what is ‘a welcome distraction’???

Thank you for the ask! 💖I subscribe to the idea that Astarion is very much a cat. 🙂 Neil showing the cat that he adopted and commenting on how long it took to gain the said cat's trust was really helpful in terms of understanding what Astarion is likely to do. I'm not saying that I write Astarion perfectly, but watching that live stream helped me to improve.

With that in mind, I started writing and this wrote itself. It's not done, but it's becoming something.

Astarion stretched out languidly on Tav’s bedroll, watching her as she looked through their magic trinkets to decide which ones they could do without. Ever since Gale came to her, confessing everything, telling her of his folly, Tav has taken extra care to set aside an item or two that the wizard could consume.

Now, if this was done out of sense of self-preservation, that would be completely understandable. It would be quite unfortunate for that orb in his chest to get so volatile it would just explode at random. Such a waste that would be. The world would lose its most beautiful creature! And just as he was starting to enjoy his freedom! And he supposed the wizard had his uses too.

Astarion blinked slowly and sighed. As nice as it was to have no one try to murder them for a change, he was getting bored. And his favourite source of entertainment seemed to have no time on her hands for him.

Now that just wouldn’t do.

He moved closer to Tav and lifted his hand to rest on her head, running his fingers through her hair and then lower down to caress the exposed skin of her neck. Astarion knew that he was distracting her, that was the whole point of the gentle, feather-light touches that made goosebumps rise on her exposed arms. And when that garnered no reaction, Astarion lifted himself up to press his chest against her back, snaking his arms around her middle.

“Darling,” he said smoothly, kissing her shoulder, making a move to lift her shirt enough with insistent hands to expose skin and trace slow patterns just above her hipbones, “don’t you think it’s time for a break?”

“As nice as that sounds, I still have to go through all the scrolls and potions.”

“Nice? I can’t promise anything that uninspired,” he scoffed. Nothing about him was even remotely nice. Such a bland, plain word that carried little to no meaning.

“Something wicked, however,” he drawled, his lips almost touching Tav’s ear “that I could definitely provide.”

“Well, as delicious as that sounds, I’m not moving until I get this done. But perhaps you could help?”

“Tsk, you are no fun,” he pouted, lifting a necklace with the tip of his finger. “What’s this one supposed to do?”

“Let me just check… Misty Step.”

“Keeping it,” he would have squirreled it away earlier, but a part of him felt a sick sort of dread at taking something without waiting for permission first. It was almost like a reflex. Not to take without permission, lest he be punished.

“If you want,” Tav shrugged with a smile. “Put it into your pile, it’s that one.”

Astarion inwardly preened when he noted it was one of the bigger piles. He spied a nice bow and two rings perched on top of a set of armour. He supposed getting nice new things was worth an hour of boredom.

It was still a novel concept. Having things of his own. Being given what he needed or simply wanted with no strings attached. And it wasn’t just him that got such treatment. Tav tried her best to make sure that everyone was taken care of to the best of her ability.

Astarion would probably never admit it unless faced with decapitation, but Tav has really started to grow on him. The pleasant manner in which she carried herself, the ferocious way in which she fought, the unwavering loyalty to those she considered friends.

That was yet another novel concept, having friends.

 “Darling, I can’t help but notice that you didn’t choose anything for yourself.”

“I don’t need anything right now.”

That was a lie. Her armour breathed its last when they went up against the goblins to protect the Grove. She could definitely use a new pair of boots too.

“As sweet as you are for thinking of others before yourself, I would rather you not become a pincushion next time we are ambushed. Here,” he picked a set of armour at random, “take this.”

“And Shadowheart will have to do without, I suppose?”

“She’s a cleric. She can heal herself.”

[charles-simmons-fanfiction]

Late summer nights - Todd Anderson / Neil Perry

Description: Neil is a summer person, and Todd is a Neil person. That's the story. 💛 [fluff, 800 words]

By the way, this is based off of this post! It's a headcanon by the super cool and awesome @perksofbeingpoet <3 This was so fun to write, I might write more summer fics with dps <- me projecting how energetic I get during summer on them

Todd could swear he would pass out from the heat any second now. Neil, on the other hand, hadn't been this energetic it's been weeks.

"Physics homework, done!" Neil exclaimed victoriously, closing his notebook and throwing it on his desk.

"Already? How?" Todd had just finished the first half of his work, and he hadn't even started the one for chemistry. Soon summer break would start and the teachers weren't taking it easy on them, not that they ever did.

"It looks like it'll rain tomorrow, explains why today's so hot," Neil ignored his question. The window was wide open and he had half his body out of it, only a small push away from falling. "We should go outside! While we still can, y'know."

"What? No, I still have way too much work to do," the physics assignment in front of him was pushed aside before he could protest.

"I'll give you the answers and explain them to you tomorrow. C'mon!" Neil grabbed him by the arm. Todd wanted to insist, but he wanted to go with him a lot better.

They had to be silent while they sneaked out, so, naturally, they couldn't stop laughing. It was quite a struggle and they had to be constantly shushing the other.

Once they got outside, the hot wind blew on their faces. Todd considered going back in again.

Neil smiled and, without any warning, took off running to the woods, laughing way too loudly as Todd tried to catch up with him. They didn't stop running for a while, to not risk getting caught.

"Oh my god, shut up!" Todd covered Neil's mouth with his hands, pushing him against a tree to keep him quiet. "Are you crazy?? There's no way no one heard us!" Despite his heart beating quickly from the adrenaline, he could only laugh with him.

"Carpe Diem, my dear," Neil's voice came out muffled and he gently took Todd's hand off his mouth. "We'll be fine."

For a few seconds, neither of them said anything, looking into each other's eyes, close enough to feel their hot breath on their already warm cheeks. A light breeze wiggled the trees and everything felt silent, except for the crickets probably not too far away.

Neil's deep brown eyes seemed to shrink when he smiled, almost sparkling as he looked at him so contently. His pink lips were slightly parted and a strand of hair had fallen on his face. He had an image of graceful disarray, and the night suddenly didn't feel as half as warm as his presence did.

"Your hair is getting long," was all that Todd managed to say.

Neil was caught slightly off guard and chuckled. "Yeah, I have to get a haircut soon."

"Please don't," Todd asked, maybe a little too fast. "It looks great like this."

"Thanks," they broke eye contact awkwardly, not knowing how to continue a conversation, and also not really wanting to.

It was way too hot. Todd couldn't understand how anyone could even like summer. He had always hated the way his hand felt sweaty, and how hard it was to fall asleep even with the window open. Also, any class outside was insufferable if there was sun.

At the same time, Neil seemed to be doing so well. And let the truth be said, it only took a little attention to see how depressed he could get some days. But not recently. No, Neil seemed to be genuinely doing fine.

Todd smiled at the thought, and for the first time, he hoped summer would last as long as possible. "Next weekend, if we finish our homework, we should go get ice cream. To make the heat more bearable," he shyly suggested, mentally repeating "carpe diem" to himself.

"I was thinking about that! I'm sure the other's would be super down for i-"

"Wait, no," Todd stopped him. "I meant like, you and me."

"Oh," Neil was taken aback, but nodded slowly, a smile creeping on his face. His tone was soft when he spoke. "Yes, I think we should."

The two went silent again, and Todd did his best not to smile like an idiot. The next hour wasn't anything but mundane chatting and walking around, but they wouldn't rather be anywhere else.

At some point, Neil tried to take his hand as they walked, but Todd pulled it back. "It's way too hot for this," he complained, yet eventually gave in and took Neil's hand back. Neither of them mentioned it.

"I love summer," Neil stated matter-of-factly. "It's easily the best season. To me, at least. What's your favorite?"

"You"

"What?"

"Autumn"

Again, neither of them mentioned it. Although Todd briefly considered hitting his head against a tree and just staying there forever.

That night, Neil fell asleep as soon as he got back to his dorm, without even changing. Todd didn't, it was too hot. He sighed, and looked at his roommate, who was smiling in his sleep.

"He's crazy," Todd thought, still not getting why anyone would like summer, but suddenly not feeling so bad about it. He fell asleep with a soft smile too. At least they'd get ice cream.

💛.

[buckysgrace]

Fifty Five

Dancing in the Dark masterlist

CW: Mentions of abuse

1984

It was quiet as the boat rocked back and forth on the water. Billy had his fishing line casted into the water, although there were no biters yet. He didn’t mind. He liked just sitting there, soaking up the rays and listening to the way the water tapped against the side of the boat.

It was a rare occurrence that they went deep sea fishing, but he enjoyed it each time they did. Neil had a friend who owned a boat, it wasn’t actually theirs. They always cleaned it up nicely after, made it look like no one had even been there. 

Billy wasn’t completely stupid. He knew why Neil had taken him on a spontaneous trip. Neil had caught him packing, roughly shoving clothes and the little money he had into his school backpack. At the time he hadn’t cared where he ended up. He just needed out. Just like his mom had left.

He had thought a lot about her recently. He was starting to believe that’s why Neil kept his hair shaved all the time. When his hair was long and curly, he really did look like his mom. He thought that was where the similarities ended. Everything else seemed to be from Neil in his opinion. They had the same stoic features, the same anger and bitter personality. He was doomed.

Neil had caught him of course. He hadn’t said anything, just told him that they would be going fishing today. Billy wished he had been strong enough to walk away, to tell him to leave and that he was never going back. He couldn’t. Part of him was terrified of ending up alone. 

Neil was quiet like always, but Billy could tell he had something on his mind. He kept humming along to his old music on the radio, nothing that Billy had any interest in listening to. They had different music tastes, which was fine. He wouldn’t ever tell Neil that his taste in music was bad.

“What do you think?” He asked him, speaking out for the first time. Billy really wasn’t sure what he should say. There were a lot of different things going through his mind at the moment, but none of them felt right to talk about. 

“It’s nice out,” Billy replied quickly, “I like being this far out.” He shrugged his shoulders, feeling like that was simple enough. He really didn’t know what Neil wanted from him. 

“Maybe we’ll get a boat one day.” Neil suggested, making Billy raise his eyebrows in surprise. He doubted that Neil was being serious. There was no way they’d ever really be able to afford a boat. It was just a way to lure him back in. “That would be nice.” Billy agreed softly as he stared off towards the distance again. He was thankful for his sunglasses and his hat, knowing that it covered the nasty bruise on the side of his face. 

“My father had a boat.” Neil started slowly, making Billy turn towards him in confusion. Neil never talked about his parents, much less his father. He couldn’t help but want to know more. 

“Did he take you fishing often?” He asked slowly, wondering if Neil would respond to him at all. Sometimes when Billy brought things up, Neil just ignored him. He would just act like Billy hadn’t said anything at all. 

“Sometimes,” Neil said softly, “He used to make me kill all the fish.” He still remained stoic. Billy observed him, trying to get any sense of emotion from him. There was nothing. He wondered if Neil was just made of anger. If that’s all he was made of. 

“Oh,” Billy paused, unsure of how to answer, “I’m sorry.” He furrowed his eyebrows together, agreeing that killing the fish was the worst part. He had only done it once, Neil usually handed that part. Billy had been sure that Neil enjoyed it. 

“It’s what men have to do, they’re just animals,” He said as he brought his beer back up to his lips. Billy had one in his lap as well. He was always allowed one when they went out together. He savored it, but deep down he knew that he could probably drink Neil under the table if it came to it, “He wasn’t very nice though.”

Billy didn’t know what to say. He knew that Neil wasn’t very nice either, so perhaps in some twisted way Neil had deserved it. Then again, Neil probably would’ve been a lot better to Billy if his dad hadn’t been mean. It made him bitter.

“That can be hard.” Billy felt like this was some odd dream as the boat continued to rock him back and forth. He wondered if Neil could hear himself speak, if he realized just how cruel he was or if he ignored that all together. 

“It’s why my nose is so crooked,” Neil pointed out as he pressed a finger against the ridge, “On my back too. It’s just covered in scars from his belt.” He sat forward, pulling his shirt up just a bit in the back to reveal the marks he was talking about. 

Billy paused as he looked back to his fishing line, hiding the way he had turned to the scar on his thigh that was slightly revealed from how his shorts had gotten caught in the wind. It was from Neil’s belt as well. He guessed that he had been twelve when that one had happened. He had an urge to reach out and touch it, but quickly stopped himself. That would only make Neil angry. 

“That’s awful.” He agreed as he chewed on his bottom lip. He took another sip from his drink, really wishing he had a cigarette right about now. He’d started smoking them a lot more recently. It helped soothe his nerves, especially when he felt like he was walking on eggshells like he did right now. 

“I thought so at one time,” Neil mused softly, “But it’s just what a father has to do to get his boy to listen. You’ll understand that one day when you have sons.” The comment was supposed to be lighthearted, but Billy felt like it was more of a threat than anything. 

Billy was quiet again, because he didn’t think that Neil would appreciate him retorting that he was sure he never wanted kids. He didn’t want them to be fucked up like he was, nor did he think he’d ever be with someone that seriously. Love was dumb. Relationships never really lasted, at least not in a happy way. 

Even if he did accidentally knock a girl up, he didn’t want a son. He wouldn’t want anything to do with someone who could turn out like him. He slowly began to reel his line back in, fearful that he’d just fall down the same path as his father. He wondered where the line would end? With some son that he wouldn’t want? There was no way. He wouldn’t let him get close enough to anyone to hurt them like that. 

He had a million different questions about Neil’s family but he couldn’t bring himself to ask. He knew very little about both of his parents' pasts, but he felt like he should at least be aware of Neil’s history. He was the one that stuck around after all. 

“I’ve met someone,” Neil said softly, taking Billy by surprise, “Someone I think you’ll really like.” Billy sat still, thinking about how well Stacey had liked him. He gulped hard, feeling like his drink had quickly turned sour. He shook his head, reminding himself that it was no big deal. She was gone. He was grown. And Neil never found out. It was fine. 

“Yeah?” He cleared his throat as he spoke, resisting the urge to drown the rest of his drink as he suddenly felt the sun becoming too hot and the rocking of the boat a little too annoying. 

“She’s very sweet,” Neil nodded his head, “She has daughters, one close to your age so I’m expecting a lot from you.” Neil turned to face him fully then, his eyes expectant and stern as Billy felt his jaw go slack. 

“Oh,” Billy paused, “I would never-,” He started to defend himself, wondering if his dad really thought that low of him. 

“I didn’t say you would,” Neil reassured him, “But I want you to behave well. This woman and I are going to be together for a long time. We’re going to be a family.” He nodded his head, looking like it was already decided. Billy simmered in his seat, wondering why Neil couldn’t at least introduce them all first. He didn’t want to be a part of a family. 

“Okay,” Billy drew out slowly, “When are we meeting them?” He asked him instead, knowing full well that he’d only end up with a fresh bruise if he pouted about it. He stared towards the water, suddenly wondering if Neil would just toss him over the boat if he expressed his worries. 

“Soon,” Neil nodded his head softly, “She’s a lot better than your mother. I promise you that.” The mention of her made Billy’s stomach clench, his heart stop as he suddenly thought about how much she loved the water too. He felt his fingers tighten around his bottle. 

“Oh,” Billy did his best to act unbothered, although it still hurt, “That’s good.” He nodded his head, but was unsure of how anyone could be better than her. She had been a great mom, an amazing person. And she had left. Everyone always left. 

“That car you’ve been looking at,” Neil dragged out slowly before they slowly drifted into silence again, “Maybe we could look at it again?” He suggested, his lips curling into the softest smile. It was so gentle that Billy almost missed it. 

“I have half saved up,” Billy perked up a little bit and did his best to not act too excited even though he was, “It’s a nice one.” He told him, thinking of all the research he’d done on the vehicle. He wouldn’t get it without Neil’s permission. Well, that and it wasn’t like he’d have that much money anyways. 

“It is,” Neil agreed, “We can look at it tomorrow.” He took him by surprise, making him blink quickly as he nodded his head. He felt silly as he thought about the half packed bag on his bed. Things really weren’t that bad. 

“Thank you,” Billy breathed out softly, “Sir.” 

1986

“How are you feeling?” He asked, feeling awkward as he held a bouquet of daisies and a few balloons together. Kim had been adamant that they needed to get some sort of get well present for Gina. 

“Pissed.” Gina answered, her shoulders pressed tightly together as her hair laid in disarray on top of her head. She was pale, with big bags underneath her eyes. Billy glanced over at Kim, who was fiddling with the many bars of chocolate that she’d snuck in before he answered. 

“Pissed?” He questioned, feeling like that was the last thing she would feel. She snapped her gaze up to him, looking irritated before she spoke again. 

“I can’t see my fucking baby, the tore my insides out,” She started, “And they won’t take this stupid catheter out. I can pee on my own, I don’t need it.” She gestured down between her legs but Billy quickly looked away, not at all interested in knowing where a catheter went. 

“I’m sorry you’re having a rough time,” Kim added gently, “We got you breakfast.” She smiled, finally pulling out the sandwich that they had purchased earlier. Billy pulled her purse from her, frowning as he looked at the disorganized mess that was her bag. 

“Thank you,” Gina smiled gently at her, “Where’s Steve?” She asked, looking up at Billy expectantly as she bit into her food. He shrugged his shoulders, unsure if she really wanted to know the answer. 

“He went to see Jennifer,” Kim added gently, “We wanted to see how you were doing.” She said happily, cheering up the whole room as she brushed her fingers across Gina’s loose strands. 

“Oh,” Gina nodded as she blinked slowly, then took another bite from her food, “I appreciate that.” She grumbled, looking even more irritated as she munched down on her food. He glanced towards Kim, meeting her eye as they shared the same awkward expression. 

“My mom wants to know when you’ll get out of here,” Billy mumbled, “She wants to make you a meal.” He tried to lighten the mood, taking a moment as he began to sort through Kim’s bag. He pulled free old doodles, discarded lip glosses and lots of candies. He shook his head, beginning to read a slip of paper before she yanked it from his hands. He cocked an eyebrow, watching the way her face burned as she shoved it into her pocket. 

“I’d like that,” Gina sighed as she ate the rest of her sandwich, “How are you guys doing?” She looked at them curiously, seemingly relaxing as Billy continued to work on cleaning Kim’s bag up. He shook his head, unsure of how she was able to be so messy. 

“Good,” Kim nodded her head in agreement as she sat down closest to her, “She looks really cute by the way, Jennifer does.” She said with a smile. Gina perked up, tilting her head as she watched Kim. 

“Does she look more like me or Steve?” Gina questioned, making Billy feel a little bad as he realized that she wasn’t able to see her yet. He finished with Kim’s bag, tossing aside the empty lip gloss tubes. He brushed his palms on his jeans, fairly certain that they were now covered in glitter. 

“She has Steve’s hair for sure,” Kim nodded as she looked towards Billy, “Maybe you can have him come up here?” She raised her eyebrows softly, giving him a look that he quickly understood. He dropped her bag at the edge of the bed.

“I don’t want to bother him.” Gina huffed underneath her breath, looking like it was a bother. Billy shook his head softly, sure that if Kim was in her shoes he’d be attached to her side the whole time. 

“I’ll go check on him.” He said at last, feeling like he could at least remind Steve that he needed to check on the woman that delivered his kid. Then again, he didn’t think that Steve should be reminded of that. 

The hallways were long and windy, the elevators slow as he waited for the floor number to appear. Billy was slowly beginning to hate hospitals. They just seemed gloomy. He wondered if it would make people feel any better if they looked happier. 

“Gina is looking for you.” He retorted once he followed the several steps to get into the room again. He peeped down at where Jennifer was resting, her fists clenched tightly together. 

“I’ll be up there in a minute,” Steve mumbled as he crossed his arms over his chest, “I just-, I feel bad.” He said quickly, making Billy cock an eyebrow in confusion. 

“About what?” He asked him, feeling like there wasn’t much he could do in this situation. It was one of those things that was far out of their control. Sometimes things just happened. He was reminded of that as he thought of his own father once again. 

“Making her go through with that,” Steve told him honestly, “I’m grateful for our baby, but I didn’t think it would ever be this bad.” He looked stunned as he spoke, like he really couldn’t believe that it had been that bad. Billy really wasn’t sure what to tell him. He didn’t know it could be that terrible either. 

“She doesn’t look that bad,” Billy told him honestly, “She’s actually pretty mad over everything.” He told Steve seriously, thinking that his absence had a lot to do with Gina’s anger. 

“Sounds like her.” Steve chuckled underneath his breath as he tapped his fingers against the little enclosure gently. Billy looked down once again, watching the way Jennifer continued to slumber on. 

“She’s your girl,” He said again, “You should go see her.” He told her seriously, feeling like he would only make the situation worse by ignoring her. Gina could get scary. 

“I’m really afraid I’m going to end up like my dad.” Steve said suddenly, taking Billy by surprise. He blinked for a moment. 

“What?” He asked him, furrowing his eyebrows as he was sure he couldn’t have something so personal to relate to. He was almost sure that his situation was more delicate. 

“My dad was a total dick,” Steve mumbled, “Not in the way yours was. In a different way.” He confirmed Billy’s thoughts, but it also made him knit his eyebrows together tightly. He felt awkward, knowing that everyone else knew about how cruel Neil could be. 

“How so?” Billy asked him curiously, feeling like he was at a loss for one. He didn’t know much about the Harringtons. Just little rumors. He knew that Mr. Harrington was an apparent manwhore, but his wife never did anything about it. 

“He just wanted a lot from me that I wasn’t able to give,” Steve replied softly, “He’s this super genius and I just-, I’m not. But he thought I should be.” He shrugged his shoulders, looking like he’d just been kicked as he thought to himself. 

“I understand.” Billy nodded his head, knowing that Neil wanted something from him. He just never figured it out. Nothing was ever good enough for Neil. He was just used to being a failure. 

“Sometimes my words get jumbled when I read, you know. I don’t know why but they do,” Steve said slowly, “And he used to have me read these science articles with these words that I didn’t understand, like in front of his colleges. It was humiliating. But it was like a running joke for them, that someone as brilliant as him could have such a dumb kid.” Billy paused, watching the emotions that flashed through Steve’s eyes. 

“What did your mom do?” Billy asked him, feeling like his mom should’ve intervened at some point. He was sure that Rosemary would’ve done that for him. If they had that chance. 

“I never told her that he did that,” Steve said honestly, “I was too embarrassed you know, I was just a kid. I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders, looking like he didn’t know what else to say. Billy understood. 

“He shouldn’t have done that to you.” He told him softly, unable to stop his thoughts from wandering back to Neil. He felt sick suddenly. He wanted his own answers from Neil, but he doubted he’d ever be brave enough to ask. 

“I want to give her a better life. And Gina,” Steve sighed deeply, “But I’m still living off of his money. It's just stuck in the back of my mind. I owe him a lot, despite all of that.” He continued on, looking frustrated as he crossed his arms over his chest again.

“Parents suck,” Billy replied gently, “Mine got transferred here.” He said softly, unsure of why he was even bringing it up. Just because Neil got transferred, didn’t mean that he had to see him. He didn’t have to talk to him either. He had some answers, that was all that mattered. 

“He did?” Steve turned towards him curiously, raising an eyebrow as Billy focused on anything else. He still didn’t like being vulnerable in front of anyone. He glanced around, as if Kim would suddenly appear. 

“They think he’s losing his memories,” He started slowly, “And I still feel guilty about it, like it’s my fault.” He said, realizing just how insane it sounded as he spoke. He wondered if he should’ve just kept talking to Neil. Maybe that could’ve fixed things. 

“It’s not.” Steve told him, furrowing his eyebrows together like he knew all of the answers. Billy shook his head, deciding that he wasn’t in a mood to argue about it. 

“And you don’t owe your dad anything,” Billy pointed out, “Come on. Jennifer will be okay here. Gina needs you.” He told him seriously, taking a step back as Steve moved slowly towards the door. 

Billy left with Kim not long after. Steve seemed a little more understanding of the situation and Billy couldn’t stay long anyways. He had another drug test today. He was dreading it, even though he knew it would be clean. 

“You know,” Billy turned to face Kim, “I wouldn’t leave you alone if you were in that position.” She looked at him a little surprised, fluttering her eyelashes as she moved the strands of hair from her slightly pink cheeks. He wondered if she was beginning to get a sunburn. 

“You’ve never been in that position, so how would you know?” She teased him, her lips curling into the soft smile as she pulled her bag onto his lap. He watched her for a moment, understanding that was true but also knowing that no one would compare to Kim. If she was hurt, above all things, he’d have to be near here. 

“I don’t think I could love anyone as much as I love you.” He told her seriously. He wanted everything with her, but he would do things to make her happy. He would be spending the rest of his life with her, afterall. 

“Oh my,” She giggled as she touched her hands to her hot cheeks, “I love you more than anyone else too. You’re very sweet.” She was fully flushing now as she glanced away, looking a little radiant as the sun brushed against her skin. 

“You’re very giggly.” He observed, feeling his own set of bubbles forming in his stomach as he slowly made his way out of the parking lot. He didn’t like how close the car on the left had parked to him. They could’ve dinged his door. 

“This is your fault,” She pointed out a second later, “You make me feel all-, ah.” She furrowed her eyebrows, gesturing towards herself as she looked to be confused. He raised an eyebrow. 

“Ah?” He questioned, shaking his head as a chuckle left his lips. He sat forward, making sure both ways were good to go before he pulled out onto the street. 

“Yes,” She said slowly, “It makes sense to me, okay?” She said at last, looking quite determined in her answer as she nodded her head stiffly. He brushed his tongue against his teeth, grinning as he glanced towards her again. 

“You make me feel all ah too,” He mocked playfully, “Do you have anything planned today?” He asked her, trying to decide if he should drop her off at the house before he went in to his appointment. 

“Hm,” She tapped her finger against her chin playfully, “I was thinking about bothering this hot blonde. He’s a little grumpy, and has a smoking problem too. But he has the biggest heart I know.” She grinned teasingly at him, making him shake his head at her playful tone. 

“I have to get tested today,” Billy started slowly, “Do you want to come with me?” He asked her, wondering if she’d have any desire to do so. She was silent for a moment, leaving him confused as he glanced towards her bewildered expression. 

“You want me to watch you pee?” She asked slowly, her lips parted and her eyebrows raised high on her forehead as she squinted her eyes at him. He knitted his eyebrows together, trying to tell if she was serious or not. 

“No,” Billy said with a laugh, “Someone else watches me piss. You will sit in the waiting room and wait for me to be done.” He explained to her, watching the way her features slowly relaxed in understanding. He inhaled gently, very amused by her reaction. 

Oh,” She said slowly, her cheeks reddening, “Sure! That sounds like fun.” She laughed, leaning over to squeeze at his knee. He shook his head, knowing that it was anything but fun. He’d enjoy her presence, nonetheless. 

“Ready?” He asked once he pulled over, watching the way she began to clamber out of the car. He stared for just a moment, watching the way her sweater pulled up over her torso. He moved out after her. 

“Absolutely,” She nodded her head, “Let’s go.” She linked their arms together, smiling brightly as she walked inside with him. He suddenly wished he’d smoked a cigarette on the drive over. 

She looked around curiously, dragging her feet about as he began to slowly push her forward. Her hazel eyes flashed about, taking in everything at once as her eyebrows slowly knitted together in concentration. 

“Do you need to check in?” She asked him once she brought her attention back to him. He grinned, sure that they were standing entirely too close as he took in the freckles scattered across her face. 

“Yeah,” Billy responded as he thought about the last time he was here, “I had a 2:30 check in.” He explained as he walked forward, recognizing the check in nurse from last time. 

“Oh, okay,” She nodded as she handed him a clipboard, “Is this the girlfriend?” She asked curiously, looking a little too amused as she stared at Kim. Kim raised her eyebrows, suddenly flushed once again. 

“Um,” Billy paused, “Yes.” He said slowly, exhaling underneath his breath as he shook his head. He’d have to make Russell pay for it. 

“You told them about me?” Kim giggled a second later, once he had signed the papers and moved towards the waiting room. He exhaled as he rubbed his palms against his jeans, pausing as he wasn’t sure how to approach that subject. 

“Well,” Billy stalled again, “Russell did.” He said a second later, holding eye contact with her. She was still grinning, looking like she didn’t understand until her smile slowly began to drop. 

“Oh,” Kim stared at him for a moment until she realized what that meant, “Oh no.” She covered her mouth, looking back to the desk lady in horror as Billy wrapped an arm around her shoulders. 

“Oh yes,” Billy laughed softly, “It’s exactly what you think.” He told her, enjoying the way her skin turned pink. He leaned forward, kissing the side of her exposed cheek. She shook her head as she mumbled something about Pearl getting payback. 

//////////////////////////////////////////////

“Where are we going now?” Kim asked as she finished off the rest of the fries, looking curiously at the stores that they were approaching. She pressed another few fries towards his mouth, sort of shoving them inside despite his best protests to disagree with her. 

“To get my tattoo fixed,” He replied with a mouthful, holding a hand out to keep the fries from falling from his lips, “I want you to go with me.” He told her, feeling like they’d need to practice on her feeding skills before they had kids. 

“Oh, yes,” Kim grinned from ear to ear, “I’d love to see how it’s done.” She said, looking interested as she held the empty fry box on her lap. He was at least glad that she tried to keep his car as clean as possible. 

“Do you want one?” He grinned, liking the way her eyes grew wide as he parked the car. He was glad to see it wasn’t busy. He didn’t want too many people to see his embarrassing ink. 

“No way,” She giggled in response, “It sounds like it hurts.” She smiled as she got out of the car, making him a little disappointed that he couldn’t get her door for her first. He got out, watching as she raced up the steps and threw away the trash.

“Maybe you’ll change your mind.” He teased her, reaching his hand out to her outstretched one before they walked inside. She stood close to him, clinging to his side as he peered around for Alma.

“There you are,” She said as she pushed her hair out of her face, looking a little surprised as she leaned over a sketch, “I was beginning to think you were happy with it.” She smirked, looking rather pleased with her joke.

“Right,” Billy responded as he shook his head, “You said to wait. I listened.” He mumbled, sure that he could’ve gone somewhere else and got it done in no time. It probably wouldn’t have looked as good. 

“Hi,” Alma stuck her hand out, “You must be Kim. I’ve heard so much about you.” She introduced herself with a smile, but sent a wicked smirk in Billy’s direction. He shrugged his shoulders, knowing it was true. 

“Oh,” Kim flushed as she shook Alma’s hand, “You did really well on his tattoos.” She said softly, suddenly losing her peppy demeanor. Billy held onto her, resting his chin on her shoulder as he began to gently rock them back and forth. 

“This one wasn’t mine,” Alma defended herself quickly as she pointed to it, “I don’t know what he was thinking.” Kim giggled softly, looking over her shoulder at the way Billy had begun to roll his eyes. 

“Thanks,” He mumbled, “I just want her name changed. And the flower.” He nudged Kim forward, watching the way she shyly pulled the piece of paper from her pocket. 

“I drew a flower,” Kim said softly, “And some bees around it.” She explained as she motioned towards it. Billy grinned as he hopped up on the seat, hoping that she’d break out of her shell a little easier. 

“Looks good,” Alma smiled, “I like this a lot better.” She dragged out playfully, giving Billy a knowing look before she motioned for him to pull his shirt up. He grumbled but did as she said, watching the way she inspected the tattoo once again. 

There was a little more pain than last time, but he had been fairly drunk when he’d gotten it done. He was happy with the finished product, however. She made it look a lot better. It no longer made him disappointed when he stared at it. 

“Can you create cows?” Kim questioned, resting her forearms and chin against his thigh as she watched the way Alma began to wrap the tattoo up. 

“What sort of cows?” Alma asked curiously, flicking her eyes over towards where Kim’s face was knitted up in curiosity. He raised his eyebrows as he watched her, wondering if she was considering getting one. 

“I like all cows,” Kim said thoughtfully, “Though I do like Highland cows better. They’re so fluffy and they have big soft noses.” She replied, flushing a little as she held her head back down on his flesh. Almost like she was trying to hide away. 

“You want a cow tattooed onto you?” Billy asked her as he began to thread his fingers through her pretty hair. It was growing out, just slightly past her shoulders now. He figured she’d be happy once it was long again. 

“Should I not?” She asked him, looking a little worried as to what his answer would be. He paused, wondering if he should point out what his tattoos consisted of. 

“No, no,” Billy laughed, “Not what I’m saying at all.” He smiled as he twisted some of her hair around his fingers. He tugged on it softly, watching how she seemed a little excited once again. 

“Okay,” Kim said thoughtfully, “Maybe not? How bad does it hurt?” She asked, looking like she was considering it. He chewed on his bottom lip, fairly certain that she wouldn’t be able to handle the pain. 

“Depends,” Alma answered slowly, “There’s some stinging.” She said as she wrinkled her nose up, nodding her head as she clearly knew the pain was worse than just some stinging. Kim pressed her lips together.

“Never mind,” She said a second later, “I know where to go if I change my mind though.” She said a little softer, still looking bashful as she leaned against Billy’s hand. He smiled as he pressed his thumb against his cheek.

“I’ll practice drawing cows,” Alma grinned as she handed Billy his shirt back, “Give me just a second to get it rang up.” She explained as she stood up, stretching widely as she did so.

“What do you think?” He asked Kim softly, concentrating on the way her skin felt against his flesh. She smiled as she leaned against him. “I like it,” Kim giggled softly, “My name looks very nice on your skin.” She decided, nodding her head before she pressed a gentle kiss to his thumb. He closed his eyes for a moment, thinking that she was very right. 

//////////////////////////////////////////////

“Hey,” Billy replied solemnly as he slowly adjusted himself on the stool, “How are you doing?” He felt awkward as he balanced himself on the seat. He felt even more tense as he met Neil’s blue eyes. He was still a little bruised on the left side of his face, likely from where he fell. 

“How am I doing?” Neil asked, his voice a little gruff until his lips broke out into a grin, “How are you doing?” Billy blinked slowly, not quite used to Neil smiling in such a manner. In fact, he was sure that he had never seen Neil smile like that. Not even in old photographs. 

“I’m-, I’m good,” Billy paused, taken aback by his attitude, “I’ve been fine.” He furrowed his eyebrows together, suddenly wondering if they had brought the wrong inmate out. Neil didn’t seem to be how he remembered. 

“That’s not a real answer,” Neil chuckled as he brushed his fingers across his mustache, “What have you been up to? Did you decide on college?” He rambled off a few questions, leaving Billy confused. He remembered for a moment that Neil had been confused. He probably didn’t remember talking about college with Billy. But he was still slightly stunned. Did it really work that fast?

“No,” Billy said softly, surprised by his joyful tone, “Not much. Just working and spending time with Kim.” He replied a little gentler, testing the waters. He wanted to see if this was just a front, if Neil was just trying to pass a fast one on him. 

“Kim,” Neil stalled for a moment, “Which one was that?” He looked genuinely curious, his eyebrows knitted tightly together as he repeated her name again. Billy blinked slowly. 

“You don’t remember who Kim is?” Billy questioned him, feeling like that was odd. He glanced around for a moment, wondering if he should talk to someone about how bad his memory was. He was certain that Neil should be able to remember Kim. Did he remember Susan? Max?

“I’m a little foggy.” Neil apologized, his smile sincere but regretful. Billy couldn’t help but stare at him for a moment, trying to read between the lines. He felt like this had to be some sort of lie. After what he had done to them, how could he not remember who Kim was? 

“Kimberly,” Billy replied slowly, “Susan’s daughter.” He said a little sterner, watching the way Neil’s eyes lit up in recognition. He felt sick suddenly, understanding that it wasn’t a lie. He was serious. Neil hadn’t remembered her. 

“Oh right,” Neil laughed as he touched the top of his forehead, like it was obvious, “She’s a sweet girl. You know though, I could’ve found you a nice girl that wasn’t your sister.” He laughed, his features pinching up in amusement as if it was funny. 

“I like Kim,” Billy defended himself, “I love her.” He said seriously, not liking that Neil would suggest such a thing. He didn’t want anyone but Kim. 

“I guess that’s all that matters then, isn’t it?” Neil smiled warmly, making Billy feel nauseous. He was sure that Neli had never looked at him in that manner. He almost seemed proud. Like Billy was doing something right. He didn’t understand. 

“Yeah,” Billy nodded his head slowly, “That’s all that matters.” He tried to focus on Kim instead, thinking about how she was a short distance away in the parking lot. 

“Any big plans with her? Marriage? Kids?” Neil continued to ramble off questions, like he was making up for lost time. Billy paused again, wondering if that was perhaps what was happening. 

“Kids one day,” He said softly, “I’m going to propose soon. I was thinking about Valentine's Day.” He told him gently, unsure of why he was revealing his big plans. He wouldn’t hold it against Neil to do something on that day to ruin it. He thought that Kim would like something on Valentine’s Day though, even if it was also Max’s birthday. 

“Very romantic,” Neil agreed, “Are you living with each other?” He continued to ask him questions, still smiling like he wanted to know everything. Billy shifted, trying to adjust to the change. 

“Sort of,” Billy shifted in his seat, feeling a little lighter, “It’s actually kind of funny. Her dad is married to mom too. The universe must’ve had big plans for us. Or something like that.” He shrugged his shoulders, laughing a little bit.

Neil looked at him curiously, tilting his head before his eyebrows wrinkled together tightly. The atmosphere suddenly changed, becoming icy and more intense as Billy was sure that he had said something wrong. 

“You’re living with Rosemary?” Nell asked slowly, his voice full of venom as he drew the words out. Billy paused, not even thinking about how Neil would react to that. 

“Well, yeah I mean-,” Billy started to defend himself, only to be cut off when Neil started to yell. 

“You need to leave,” Neil spoke quickly, harsh and full of panic, “She’s the devil! It’s not safe for you there.” He was shouting, his face getting red and spit flying from his mouth. Billy winced, doing his best not to jump away. He could feel his heart hammering inside of his chest as his pulse quickened. He reminded himself he wasn’t a child. He was an adult and Neil couldn’t hurt him. Not here. 

“Right,” Billy scoffed, lookin at his father in disbelief, “It’s a lot safer than-,” He had full plans of telling him just how much better it was living with Rosemary. At least she cared for him. He was mad suddenly, angry that he had bought into Neil’s lies for so long. 

“She’ll kill you!” Neil was howling now, his face now dark red and spit flying from his mouth as he slammed his free fist into the screen between them, “Do you not remember what she did? It’s not safe!” Billy was frozen on the spot, not understanding the outburst. 

Guards rushed forward, dragging Neil away as he continued to kick and scream. It took at least five of them before they got him away from the booth, leaving Billy staring the whole time. 

He looked down, holding his fingers into a tight fist as he realized how badly he’d been shaking. He took a deep inhale, looking around numbly before he found one of the nurses. He needed answers. Nothing made sense. 

“What was that about?” Billy asked, still stunned as he listened to the way Neil was still screaming. He wondered what they would do to him. Would he calm down? Would he still be angry? 

“Sometimes hard memories can trigger strong reactions,” She paused softly, “It’s hard to understand how the mind works.” She looked at him apologetically, making him shake his head softly. He didn’t like that suggestion. He wanted a real answer. 

“What hard memories?” Billy questioned seriously, “He was the one that beat my mom. Not the other way around.” He told her, feeling angry even though she hadn’t said anything wrong. She had no idea how Neil was. Many people didn’t. 

“Sometimes people can flip when they get confused,” She explained slowly, “So he may have been mean in his past, but he’s been nothing but kind and polite since he’s been here. Sometimes they forget those memories too.” She told him, making him blink slowly as he tried to comprehend it all at once. 

“He just forgot everything he did?” He asked slowly, trying to confirm that’s what she was really saying. He knitted his eyebrows tightly together, frowning as he looked over his shoulder once again. 

“Maybe?” She suggested, “I really don’t have the answers for you. It’s a complicated disease.” She shrugged her shoulders softly, looking genuine as she spoke. He knew it wasn’t her fault. 

“Yeah,” Billy nodded his head, “Um, well thank you. Sorry about him.” He said a second later, not sure about what else to add. He wondered how Neil could think that Rosemary was the guilty party. It wasn’t right. 

“No need to apologize, we’ve seen worse,” She smiled, “All he does is talk about you. You must’ve been so lucky, even if he was mean to your mom. He seemed like a great dad.” Her words were sweet, just like sugar. It made him want to vomit. She was wrong. So wrong. His dad was great? That wasn’t Neil. 

“Oh,” Billy felt his expression drop, “Yeah. Thank you again.” His tongue felt heavy in his mouth as he lied. He pretended that Neil was great. That he was good to him. He blinked slowly, suddenly overwhelmed with the atmosphere as he bid a quick goodbye. 

He walked slowly back to the car, his feet dragging as he suddenly felt as if his legs were weighted down with cement. He gulped harshly, pushing his fingers through his hair as he approached the car. Kim was resting outside, reading a book that she quickly dropped as she turned towards him. 

“Are you okay?” She asked him, sounding a little panicked as he continued to blink. He parted his lips, still feeling like everything was crashing over him. He felt like he was sinking underneath the waves, not even staying afloat. 

“Can you drive?” He asked, feeling a little numb as he handed her the keys. She took them quickly, leading him towards the car and helping him inside. He accepted the help, feeling like things were moving a lot differently suddenly. 

“What happened?” She asked him gently as she crawled into the driver’s seat. He turned towards her, feeling like he couldn’t speak. She leaned forward, pressing her forehead against his. He breathed in deeply, then exhaled in the same manner. It took him a moment to realize that Kim was doing the same thing, guiding them. 

“It was weird,” He said at last, “He was happy. Like he didn’t remember anything that happened. Anything bad.” He explained as he pulled away, feeling a little bit better as he linked their fingers together. He liked the way her flesh felt against his. 

“Oh.” She said softly, her hazel eyes wide in confusion. He nodded his head, knowing that she would be just as confused as him. 

“He said my mom was dangerous.” He told her, wishing he had it in him to explain the way Neil had acted. He would do so later. Not right now. It was too hard to do right now. 

“Did they say what he has?” She asked, looking like she was thinking of a plan to make for them. He shook his head. They really hadn’t told him anything new. 

“Not for sure,” He replied gently, “He’s had issues remembering things, I guess. Small things. Kim, it was like he didn’t remember hitting me. Like none of that had ever happened.” He said at last, holding his hands out as he motioned them awkwardly around. He didn’t know what he was doing. He just felt like he needed to keep moving.

“Oh, Billy,” Kim replied gently as she took his hand, “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how this must feel.” She told him truthfully as she brought his hand up to her face. She kissed his fingertips slowly. 

“I’m just confused,” He said as he sat back in his chair, “None of it makes sense.” He said honestly. That was the most frustrating thing to him. He just didn’t understand what was happening. It was all so sudden. 

“Are you going to visit him again?” She asked him gently, still brushing her lips across his fingertips as he thought about it for a moment. He felt odd. Neil had been a different person. Almost like he wasn’t his father. Not really. 

“I don’t know.” He said truthfully. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to do so or not yet. He’d have to think about it, even though he was fairly certain he would. He would feel too guilty not to. Especially if Neil thought that he was some great son now, that their relationship was perfect. 

“Billy,” She spoke softly as she held onto his arm, “It’s okay, everything is going to be okay.” She said, sounding determined as she leaned over to kiss the tip of his nose. He nodded slowly as she pulled away, wishing that Neil would’ve wanted nothing to do with him. 

[youresodarlingdarling]

Snippet of a Harringrove fic I’ll probably never write.

(Post S3, the aftermath basically)

After everything is said and done, everyone survives and Billy is discharged from the hospital Max asks Steve to take Billy in while he recovers. Steve refuses but Max tells him that Billy saved them and that Billy couldn’t go home because who knows what Neil would do. Probably finish what the mind flayer didn’t . Steve asks her why after everything Billy had done and she tells him that in the sauna, and right before the mindflayer attacked Billy, she saw something in him she has never seen before. A glimpse of the person Billy could be. After a bit of reluctance Steve accepts. Steve takes Billy home and everything goes smoothly. Billy is pretty much quiet and Steve lets it be, lets him heal and process while Steve goes about his caretaking duties. Until one night Steve is awoken by a scream. Steve runs into Billy’s room nail bat a swinging just to see that Billy’s having a nightmare. Steve shakes him awake calling his name. When Billy wakes up there’s tears in his eyes, he’s shaking and before Steve can even process it Billy’s arms are around him. Steve is stunned before tentatively wrapping his own arms around Billy. Steve just holds him until he calms down. Billy pulls away first. Steve asks him if he’s okay and Billy shrugs. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Steve asks. Billy shakes his head. Steve nods and is just about to leave when Billy stops him. He doesn’t say anything but the look in his eyes tells Steve he doesn’t want to be left alone. Steve’s asks Billy if he wants him to stay and Billy nods. Steve nods, tells him he’ll be right back and goes to grab some blankets and a pillow. When Steve walks back in he catches Billy rubbing his chest, grimacing in pain. When he catches Steve’s eyes he tries to act normal but Steve sees right through it. Does it hurt? Steve asks. Billy almost shakes his head no but sighs before nodding. Steve checks the time and sees that Billy is due for another round of meds anyways. Steve grabs Billy’s meds and a glass of water. Billy takes it giving him a nod in thanks. Steve’s not surprised he’s hurting with how tight he held onto Steve. Which makes Steve worry if Billy popped a stitch. He hadn’t even thought about it. He tells Billy he’s going to check his stitches and Billy nods, complacent. Steve checks and is happy to report no stitches were disturbed. After everything is said and done the boys wind down to fall asleep again. Steve is almost asleep when he hears “Harrington?” It’s so quiet he almost misses it until hears a “Steve?” Steve looks up from his makeshift bed on the floor to see Billy looking at him, eyes glassy. The meds have definitely kicked in. Steve asks him if he needs anything, and Billy says no. He thanks Steve for everything he’s done and that he’s sorry. He tells Steve about what it was like being under the mind flayers control. He didn’t want to do any of it. Steve just listens as Billy talks, stunned into silence because one, this is the most that Billy has ever spoken since Steve took him in, and second Billy sounds so genuine and broken, Steve actually feels bad for the guy. “You’re a good guy you know?” Billy says, words slurring from the grogginess of the meds he’s taken. Steve swallows. “Umm thanks” he’s tells Billy. Billy hums. “I want to be good.” He tells Steve. “Like you.” Heat rises to Steve’s face. “But I’m so angry all the time. I don’t want to be anymore. And you’re sooo good. Can you teach me to be good Harrington? Good like you?” Steve doesn’t even get a chance to respond before he hears the soft snores coming from Billy. Steve pushes away the feeling in his chest and wills himself to fall asleep.

[al1v3-p03ts-s0ci3ty]

Hi! Can you write a Meeks one shot? (Fem!reader or GN!reader) where you're both nerds lmao, just some fluff :]

Hiiii :] I don't usually write Meeks stuff so forgive me if this is kind of out of character.

Essentially the gang plays d&d, on their way back to their dorms Meeks compliments YN on how well they played the game! I hope you enjoy >:] I haven't properly gone over this or corrected any grammar, so I apologise.

The room was the most quiet it had ever been, it wasn't normal for the common room to be this still. Though it was silent, the tension could be cut with a knife.

All the poets were gathered around the main table, usually used for studying, but occasionally the group enjoyed fantasy games aswell.

Neil was at the head of the table, there was a notebook in his hand which contained all of the outcomes of the story and characters depending on your dice roll. He was the dungeon master.

Todd and Charlie's characters had died not long ago, they were both waiting in anticipation. Pitts sat at the opposite head of the table, waiting for you to toss the dice. You could feel all 5 pears of eyes burning into you.

The dice were warm in your hand, the air in the room buzzed. This is what you've been waiting for. For weeks now, the poets would gather here and play d&d, it was different from their routinely meetings in that old cave.

Then there was a whisper. "No pressure, take your time." Meeks' voice was just as genuine as it always was. He was so kind to you and he knew exactly how to help during high stress situations just as this one.

You and him had been the only ones to have come this far in the game.

Neil was rather harsh with his villains, most of them had killed off the other members of the group. Other than Charlie of course, who rolled a 1 and his character tripped over a rock and died in the beginning of this session. But he still stuck around, curious of the ending of the game.

"Okay..." You say, your voice shaking.

You toss the dice at the table.

Everyone seemed to gasp and stand in unison, trying to get a better look at the dice.

Though, this didn't do much as the dice had managed to hit the table and bounce in the opposite direction of where you intended it to land.

"Turn on the light!" Charlie's voice was loud and rushed in comparison to the other silent poets.

Neil, being closest to the switch, turned on the light. It was pretty much no use as nobody saw exactly where the dice went.

You stutter, your anxiety getting to you. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Don't worry about it." Meeks gave your arm a kind reassuring squeeze. You're sure that just his smile could make you feel better in a time like this, he didn't need to say anything at all, but he did.

"Thanks..." Your voice went quiet as the other members of the group went around the room looking for the dice.

"It couldn't have gone far." Charlie called from the other side of the room. "Geez, how hard did you throw it?" He laughed.

You opened your mouth to say something, but before you could Meeks nudged you lightly. "Don't listen to him, you know how Charlie gets." Meeks voice was a whisper in your ear. His words never failed to make you smile.

After a small while of searching for the missing dice, the group gave up.

"It'll probably show up later," Neil chimed in while everyone collected their things to leave, "I wouldn't worry about it." Even though it was his dice that you lost he seemed completely unbothered, but that was Neil, he was an optimist after all.

"Still though," you began, "I'm sorry. I promise I'll look for them tomorrow."

Neil waved his hand toward you, dismissing what you said. You often wondered how he could be so calm with the group.

Most of the posts had left the room by this time, the only people left in the room were you and Meeks, though he seemed to be waiting for you.

Once you'd gathered your things and slung your bag over your shoulder, your short friend held the common room door open for you. 'What a gentleman.' you thought.

"Good game." His voice was just as quiet and soft as always but it still held the level of excitement that he had when he was in that room. "You handled some of those last guys really well, especially considering the rest of the group weren't playing."

The door closed behind you both. The halls were empty now, the other members had gone to their dorms already.

"You think so?" You say, masking your insecurity behind a chuckle. The other poets often complimented eachother on how they'd done during their games, but it was different coming from Meeks.

"Of course I do." The smile on his face hasn't faded, not even for a second. "You were so strategic and you knew exactly what to do." He looked up at you while you both walked through the quiet halls. "That's a quality I really admire."

You felt a blush creep up on your cheeks. "Really?"

He nodded in response to your question as if the answer was obvious. The feeling you got from talking to Meeks never got old, you couldn't possibly get bored of this even if you tried.

"I can walk you back to your dorm if you'd like?" His voice was a little more quiet now than it normally is and you noticed him fidgeting with the hem of his blazer. Had you made him nervous somehow?

"Sure." You took a mental note to repeat every detail of this moment to Neil when you had the chance.

You turned slightly and caught a glimpse of Meeks' now blush pink face and that adorable smile that he had plastered on him.

"You did great too," you said, breaking the silence, "I wouldn't have been able to do any of those things without you." The volume of your voice shrunk down while you spoke.

"No way, that was all you!" He said in disbelief.

"You're kidding! There's no way I couldv'e played a game that well without you." Both of your voices were booming, you both spoke with such passion.

Too quickly had you reached your own dorm room, you regretted leaving the common room so soon. Though, it was late and if you didn't get any rest now you'd definitely regret it in the morning.

"Thank you for walking me here." You stood just beside the closed door.

"It's no problem." He said, the kindness in his voice was prominent.

"I really appreciate it." You smile back at him. Your cheeks were obviously rosy now and there was no way of hiding in. However, the same thing could be said about the boy infront of you.

There was a pause before either of you started talking again, a moment of silence neither of you had really noticed. Being in his presence was just so calming to you, the time you spent together flew by so fast.

"I should get going..." He shook his head, as though he was trying to pull himself from a trance.

"Yeah..." You nodded, your voice was slow. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll see you." Just as he turned to leave he flashed you that cute smile again. "Goodnight!"

"Night!" You gave him a quick wave before entering your dorm room. After closing the door you sunk down beside it. Your face was bright red thinking about him, Steven Meeks. Who knew he could have such an affect on you.

[longlostreader]

Billy Hargrove- I hate you pt 6

The smile didn’t leave Billys face as he drove home. He hadn’t been this happy in years. You were just so perfect. Sure you could be a bitch sometimes but he loved that side of you too. After tonight he knew he was really falling for you. Billy wasn’t one to be so cliche especially with feeling like love, but he swore he felt sparks when you kissed him. He still couldn’t believe you did it. The moment kept replaying in his head over and over. He was determined to do whatever he had to to make you his girl.

 Your parents already seemed to like him too. That was a bitter sweet moment for Billy. Seeing your parents so happy and in love. He knew that’s exactly the type of relationship he wanted with you, but deep down it hurt him seeing how perfect your family was and remembering the home he was driving back too. Billy was already looking up to your father so much. He didn’t even realize it. When your dad called Billy son it was a wild feeling. He didn’t just want you to love him, he wanted your family to love him too. He kept imagining more perfect nights like tonight. You in his arms playing dumb bored games and laughing with your parents. You were his key to happiness. To a better life. Those happy thoughts were caught short when he pulled into his driveway. Thank God Neil wasn’t home yet. 

He walked in and Max was sitting at the table finishing up her homework. “Were picking someone up on the way to school tomorrow. Don’t be weird okay?” “You. Billy. Are driving a girl to school? She must be pretty special.” Billy wanted to tell her to shut up but instead he said “Yeah. Yeah she is.” and went to his room leaving behind a very shocked Max. Billy practically passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow. The last thought he had before drifting to sleep was you. 

Billy woke up early the next day. He cooked himself an actual breakfast instead of just his usual cup of coffee. Max stopped dead in her tracks when she walked in the kitchen to see Billy dancing around and humming to himself. He noticed her mid spin and immediately stopped moving. “Um sit down Max I made you some too.” Max didn’t have a clue what to say as she sat down at the table. Billy had never ever done anything like this before. He presented her with a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast and went to the fridge to grab her some orange juice before he sat across from her and dug into his own plate. She timidly took a bite of the toast never taking her eyes off him. Billy felt her staring and finally looked up from his plate. “What?” He asked with a mouth full of food. “Ew don’t talk with your mouth full. It’s just. You’ve never done anything like this before. This girl really is special isn’t she. I’ve never seen you in such a good mood before.” “I’m crazy about her honestly. It’s really weird. I’ve never wanted to be with someone so bad before.” “Well if she makes you this happy I’m excited to meet her, but seriously when you take her out swallow your food before you start talking.” Billy just responded with an eye roll and they finished their breakfast in silence. 

Billy made sure he looked good. He kept a couple extra buttons of his shirt unbuttoned and probably sprayed too much cologne. Smelling good was just as important to him as looking good and he always kept extra gum or mints on him. He even dabbed on a little chapstick before he yelled for Max that it was time to leave. She climbed into the backseat so she wouldn’t have to move once they picked you up. 

As soon as you heard his car coming down the street you grabbed your bag and headed out the door. You wore a shorter skirt than you usually would to school and put on a little extra makeup. You wanted Billys eyes on you today no one else. Billy parked outside just as you started heading down your porch steps. He stepped out to open the passenger door for you. His eyes widened when he finally took you in. You looked hot. Your shirt showed off your beautiful thighs and all Billy could think about was his head between them. He tried to shake the thought as you approached. “Well look at you being such a gentleman. Picking me up and opening my door, I’m shocked Billy.” You teased. Billy just chuckled and said “You look beautiful princess. Not sure how I’ll be able to keep my hands off you today.” Your face went red hot as you took your seat in the Camaro. “Hi! I’m Max.” You heard from behind you. You turned around to see an adorable red headed girl with a bright smile. “Hi Max, I’m (Y/n). It’s really nice to meet you.” Billy just started to drive away from your house when Max asked “So are you two dating?” “Max! Stop talking.” Billy shouted. She just stuck her tongue out in response and you laughed. “No, not dating. We’re just partners on an English project.” You explained. The rest of the car ride was filled with the loud bass of Billys rock music. You were actually starting to enjoy the sounds and made a mental note to ask him about some bands later. 

Pulling into the school parking lot you got a little anxious. You knew there would be a lot of eyes on you, and you’re sure a lot of angry glares from girls Billy had slept with before who never got a ride to school or even a phone call from him. Billy parked the car in his usual spot and opened up the door for you. Max stepped out behind you and grabbed her skate board. “See ya later (Y/n)” she shouted behind her as she rode over to the middle school. Thats when it happened. All eyes were on you. You froze, your body completely tensed up. You could hear faint whispers around you. Billy noticed how uncomfortable you looked and put his hand on your back pulling you closer to him. “You okay?” He whispered in your ear. The motion pulled you from your trance. Your eyes met his and your body instantly relaxed. “I am now. Can we hurry up and go inside though, I’m not used to so many eyes on me.” “Of course.” His hand never left your back as he lead you inside. Even some of the teachers were staring. No one would have expected Billy Hargrove to show up with a girl, especially you. You were very vocal about how much you hated him, but here you were. Together. In front of everyone. “Whats your first class?” He asked. “I’ve got newspaper with Nancy and Robin.” “Can I walk you there?” “If you want to. You don’t have to.” “I know I don’t have to princess. I do want to, I just wanna make sure this isn’t too much for you right now.” “Well thank you. I really appreciate it.” You made it to the door, thank god there was never anyone in this hallway. Theres only 4 of you on Newspaper right now anyway. You, Nancy, Robin, and Jonathan. Billy turned to face you. “I’ll see you after class princess.” He looked over his shoulder to make sure no one was around before kissing you on the cheek and walking away. 

Why was he being so sweet? This wasn’t the Billy you or anyone else knew of. He was being gentle and considerate. Your thoughts were cut short when you walked into the classroom and saw a very wide eye Robin looking at you. “I saw the whole thing.” She said. “Robin, I’m begging you please don’t say anything.” “Are you two dating?” “No no we aren’t dating-.” “Oh my God did you sleep with him!?” “No I didn’t sleep with him. Please just drop it and I’ll explain everything later.” “Fine, but don’t think you’re finding a way out of this conversation, and don’t think 

I haven’t noticed the short skirt and makeup either.” “I promise I’ll tell you later. I just don’t want Nancy hearing right now.” As if on cue you heard Nancy and Jonathan coming down the hallway. You gave Robin one last pleading look and she held her hands up in defense. You let out a small sigh of relief just as Nancy walked in. “Hey guys! You ready to get started?” She said with a bright smile.

Newspaper always seemed to end too quickly. The bell rang and the four of you left laughing. I’ll see you guys at lunch you said as you rounded the corner. You felt two strong arms grab you and pull you into an empty classroom. You yelped as he pulled you closer into his chest and heard him chuckle. “Billy you asshole you scared the hell out of me.” “I’m sorry, I just haven’t had a moment alone with you since last night.” “Oh and why exactly would you want a moment alone with me?” You teased. “You know why. Now are you gonna let me kiss you again or do I have to take you on a date first?” “You wanna take me on a date?” “Yeah, I was thinking classic dinner and a movie, but I’ll take you to do whatever you wanna do.” “You actually thought about this? Like you seriously wanna take me on a date. In public?” He laughed again. “Thats what I just said isn’t it? Unless you don’t want to.” You responded by kissing him. God you missed his lips. You couldn’t get over how soft they were. He picked you up and sat you on a table standing between your legs. His hands danced up your thighs and he squeezed the doughy skin causing you to let out a soft moan against his lips. He took that opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. You could feel him starting to get hard. You almost forgot you were in school. Almost. You lightly pushed him off “Billy, we have to get to class. I can’t be late.” “Fine. So can I pick you up tonight? 7, for our date?” “7 is perfect now let me up I gotta go.” “Okay okay. One more kiss before you leave?” You laughed as you leaned in. He kissed you slower this time. Savoring the feeling. “Bye princess.” “Bye Billy.” The smile never left your face as you walked into your next class. You made it into your next class just in time. The teacher gave you a questioning look, you’ve always been extra early. You just took out your notebook and got ready for the lesson. It was extremely hard to focus. You were going on a real date with Billy. He never took girls out, just slept with them. You weren’t sure what made you different but it made you weak in the knees. 

Your second and third period seemed to drag on today but thankfully it was time for lunch. In your extra efforts to look cute today you totally forgot about breakfast so you were starving. You made it through the line quickly and made your way over to robin. You sat down and your eyes wondered across the lunchroom. You were pleasantly surprised to see Billy sitting between his friends without his usual fan club of girls hanging on his arms. His eyes met yours and he shot you a cute smile and a wink. You smiled back before Robin broke your attention. “So you gonna tell me what’s going on with you and Hargrove now?” “Oh um yeah well long story short were partners on our English project and um. I guess we’re going on a date tonight.” “You guess you’re going on a date tonight. I thought you hated his guts.” “Well I mean I did but he’s a lot different than I thought ya know. At least with me he’s really sweet.” “Well you know if he breaks your heart I’m licking him, and then I’ll write the worlds most embarrassing eulogy in the school paper.” “You laughed at her comment. “Thank you Robin, you’re the best.” “I know I am.” “Where’s Nance?” “Probably sneaking off with Jonathan.” You both continued the rest of lunch talking about the paper and upcoming movies and halloween costume ideas. The thought brought you back to Billy. Would you two be together come halloween? Would he be willing to let you dress him up in a cringy matching costume? It wasn’t long before the bell rang and you said goodbye to Robin again. You were anxiously waiting for last period. You just wanted to see Billy. 

Thank God the bell finally rang and you made your way to English. Once again Billy made it there before you, waiting in the seat behind yours. He watched you walk in with that signature smirk on his lips. “There you are princess.” “Here I am. Gosh Billy its almost like you missed me or something.” “Maybe I did.” “Oh? Well maybe I missed you a tiny bit too.” “So, drive in theater alright with you? They’re playing Terminator at 8:15.” “Sounds great, you didn’t just pick some gore movie so I’d have to hide in your arms right?” “Of course not. I’d never do a thing like that.” You let out a small laugh before turning your attention to the teacher as she began her lesson. The last 20 minutes of class were spent reading more of Pride and Prejudice. After about 5 minutes into the silence a note fell on your desk. You opened it up to see the very sloppy handwriting:

Do You Like me? 

Yes or No

God he was such a dork. You circled Yes and handed it back to him. Pretty soon another note landed on your desk. 

But do you like like me?

Yes or No

“You’re such a child.” You whispered back to him. “Just answer.” He said back. You wrote Maybe and tossed it back. You watched him roll his eyes and start writing again but you were both interrupted by your teacher. “This is reading time not note passing time.” You both mumbled a small ‘sorry’ and got back to the book. The bell finally rang and you’ve never been more excited. Billy walked you to your locker again. “So I’ve got basketball practice again. Did you wanna stay and watch or do you wanna go home before our date tonight.” “I think I’m gonna go home, I’ve got some homework to catch up on.” “Do you need a ride. I can drive you home real quick.” “Thats okay, I can have Robin run me home, or catch the bus. I don’t want you to be late.” “Alright Princess. I’ll see you at 7.” “Bye Billy.” “Bye beautiful.” You were beaming walking into the parking lot. You quickly ran to meet up with Robin and she of course agreed to give you a ride home. As long as you gave her all the details about your date. When you got home you immediately ran to the shower. You may have lied about having homework. You just wanted to look perfect tonight.

[darsynia]

The heart wants what it wants...

Gosh, so I've been writing for a nearly 30 year old fandom, the book/tv show Christy. I was a huge Kellie Martin fan from Life Goes On, and I'd liked the book (evangelical childhood go brrr)-- lemme tell you, Scottish-voiced older smart gruff man & idealistic kind resourceful opinionated young woman will ALWAYS get me. Add LeVar Burton and Tyne Daly and I'm HOOKED. OH I forgot to mention it's set in the Great Smokies and the vistas are magnificent (TWW reference says hi).

Well, the show itself has a religious scaffolding, and it's pretty wholesome, so though the series manages some truly intense unresolved sexual tension, I should refrain from getting too racy in this 'it was a crime to never show these two kissing' 'shipping Neil/Christy for 30 years does something to a person' story, right? RIGHT?

Me: I'll write a brief satisfying M encounter

Me now: he's soaked after checking for a fire in a thunderstorm and she's slowly unbuttoning him while he loses his mind OOPS

Anyway, I'm putting the finishing touches on Shipping chapter 3, but if you ever watched this show or might be interested in a period piece where two people with hidden feelings find themselves married and figuring out what fun that can be, feel free to check out that story! It's got a tiny online presence (under 200 fics on FFN, my fic was #7 on AO3) so I probably won't post again about it, but I'm very pleased by what I've written.

Breathing Fire

Summary: After an unexpected standoff puts Christy in a compromised position, she discovers what a marriage based on love and friendship is really like. With that firm basis, she seeks to heal the wounds that were caused before she even arrived in Cutter Gap.

For fun, here's an excerpt under the jump:

Note: Set the day after the wedding, but their 'wedding night' was interrupted; Neil is a doctor and he was called away for a medical emergency. He hasn't gotten much sleep as a result.

When she woke next it was thanks to the bright indirect sunlight from the window. She’d slept in.

Christy threw herself out of bed, spluttering her hair out of her face as she rushed over to the dresser to grab something to wear.

“Christy,” Neil rumbled from the bed. He had his arm draped over his eyes.

“I’m late for school!”

“You’re not.”

“No, I am! Miss Alice was supposed to take my place, but she was with you.” She supposed she could dress on the other side of the closet door, or at the top of the stairs with the bedroom door closed. When she turned around with a handful of underthings, meaning to race over to the closet and do just that, she ran right into Neil.

“Grantland got back yesterday evening, he’s teaching your students today,” he said, tugging the clothes from her hands to set them on top of the dresser. “Back to bed,” he said, guiding her back with an arm around her shoulders.

Sleepy Neil was a charming mix of impatience and determination.

“But David has no idea where the lesson plans are!”

“He’ll probably spend the whole day sermonizing at them,” he said once they got over to the bed. Neil then yawned so hard he stumbled sideways before shuffling around to the other side.

Christy sat, her sense of purpose deflated. “Is there anything you were supposed to do this morning that I can do instead? Dropping by a patient’s house, or picking up supplies?”

“No one will expect us for days,” he told her, rubbing at his eye with a knuckle. “We’re meant to spend them enjoying each other, which right now should mean you, sleeping next to me, in silence.” There was a daring sort of tease to his voice that sent a thrill through her. How was she meant to sleep after he said something like that? 

“I’m wide awake. How about I go downstairs and--”

“Don’t,” Neil blurted. He took in a breath to say something, then chuckled. “Not sure how well I’d sleep knowing you were down there rearranging everything.”

“Meaning you’d sleep better if I stayed up here?” Christy guessed.

His expression sobered, and he rolled onto his back. “I keep expecting to wake up and find all of this was a dream.”

If she were braver, she would have told him about her dreams of him, but instead, she said, “How about I go get a book to read, so I can sit up beside you, while you sleep? I can pull the curtains shut.” 

His nod was relieved, and Christy got up, thinking hard to remember where she’d packed her book. It wasn’t with the others, since she’d been reading it a little each night. A glance over at her husband told her he was still ruminating.

“Ask me what I’m reading,” Christy said, crouching down to rummage through the front pocket of one suitcase.

“What?”

“It’s part of distracting you while I look for my book,” she told him. Standing, she put her hands on her hips. Was it downstairs?

“Fine,” Neil said, his voice still sleepy, but more like his confident self. “What are you reading?”

“Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott. It’s a story about four sisters, all very different, and how each of them handle the process of growing up. I loved it when I was younger, and now I’m rereading it to pick out parts to share with the children.” As she spoke, she found the book, drew the curtain, then came back to briskly set things up to sit comfortably beside him.

“You’re an excellent teacher, Christy.”

Praise from him really was worth a hundred kind words from anyone else.

[randomfandomwrites]

For Better or Worse (Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader)

*not my gif*

Summary: Billy comes home late with Max, and you’re in the car. Neil is waiting for him outside.

Warnings: probably cursing, yelling, kind of angsty?, Neil being an ass, sad Billy (is that even a warning lmao)

Word Count: 1,806 oops

A/N: this is a little dramatic for my first story. it’s not that great, but it’s midnight, so whatever

~

Billy pulled up to his house, trying not to smile at the sound of your laughter. He didn’t think Max’s jokes were funny, but damn it if your laugh didn’t make him light up every single time. You were in the passenger’s seat of his Camaro, looking back at Max and giggling at every one of her stupid puns. Billy shut off the his car and turned to face the backseat.

“Get out, Max,” he said in an annoyed tone. Max grabbed her skateboard and backpack and climbed out of the car, throwing a goodbye to you over her shoulder before slamming the door as you waved enthusiastically from your seat. 

Billy wasn’t particularly happy about sharing you with Max, but you looked so happy talking to her on the ride home and you were so excited about meeting his sister (“She’s not my sister,” Billy had insisted) that when you and Max begged asked him to take the both of you out for ice cream, he gave in and took you to the nearest ice cream shop. Max got rocky road, while you and Billy opted to share a few different flavors. It would just be a few minutes, Billy thought. Everything will be fine, right?

Wrong.

A few minutes turned into almost two hours of you and Max sampling ice cream and getting to know each other, while Billy mostly watched in silence and held your hand under the table. Billy knew he was going to be late, he knew Neil would be angry, but fuck, you looked so happy that he pushed his worry to the back of his mind and tried to focus on you, only you. Eventually, you made it out of the place, but Billy already knew there was no talking his way out of this one. The closer you got to his home, the more anxious he became, which did nothing to ease his frustration. Billy wasn’t really scared for himself, he had long since stopped caring about anything his father said to him. But right now, you were in the car with him, and he knew all hell would break loose if Neil saw you.

As soon as Max closed the door, Billy sighed in relief and looked over to where you were sitting. You grinned at him, beginning to thank him for taking you and Max out when, out of the corner of his eye, Billy noticed someone walking towards his car. His heart dropped.

“Shit,” he said, beginning to panic. You were the last person in the world he would ever want to witness Neil’s abuse, let alone be subject to it.

“What? Billy, what?” you asked, anxiety building inside you before you glanced out your window. Your breath caught in your throat. You had never seen him before, but you knew from Billy’s reaction and the fear growing in your mind that this must be Neil. “Oh, fuck,” you whispered.

Billy’s hands were shaking as he fumbled with the keys and tried to start the car. “Come on, come on, come on!” he almost shouted in anger. Finally, the keys slid into place and Billy placed his foot on the gas, ready to speed away when Neil ducked into Billy’s rolled-down window.

“Billy! You’re home! I was starting to think something had happened to you. I figured it was the only reason you would be late,” Neil said, with uncharacteristic friendliness. You bit your lip, wondering what was about to happen. Neil was acting nice, but every instinct in your body was telling you to run, to get out of the car, to get away from him. “Did you hear me, Billy? You’re two hours late.” 

“I know, sir. I’m sorry. She wanted to go out for ice cream so we-” Billy started.

“Do I look like I give a shit about why you’re late? I told you to be home by 3:45 at the latest! Can you tell me what time it is?” Neil shouted.

“Almost six o’clock, sir,” Billy said, trying to keep his voice even. Right now, he was just glad Neil was leaving you out of this. 

“That’s right. I’m glad you’re not a total fucking idiot. You are not going to be late again, right?” Billy nodded silently. “Right?!” Neil screamed, slamming his fist into the car door. You flinched, but Billy remained completely stoic. 

“Right, sir,” Billy responded.

“Good, I’m glad we understand each other,” Neil sneered, before slowly dragging his gaze to you. Your heart stopped in your chest. “Who is this, Billy?” You tried to keep your breathing quiet and even, not daring to look over to where Neil was.

“She’s no one, sir,” Billy mumbled, tensing at Neil’s words.

“Oh, well if she’s no one...” Neil stepped away from the car for half a second, pretending to shrug it off. “WHO IS SHE!?!” Neil screamed, hitting Billy’s car again. Billy closed his eyes, fighting tears. He couldn’t cry in front of his father. 

“She’s... my-” Billy broke off, inhaling shakily. “She’s my girlfriend,” he whispered, so quietly you almost didn’t catch it. 

“Son, I’m gonna teach you a little life lesson right now. Girls like her are nothing more than common whores you can pick up at the supermarket. She’s a bitch. She’s nobody, Billy,” Neil spat, looking at you with contempt. 

“She’s not a whore,” Billy muttered. 

“Excuse me?” Neil shouted. “I’ve had enough of your fucking disrespect.” He reached into the car and grabbed Billy’s face, forcing Billy to look at him. Neil moved his hand down to Billy’s neck, slamming his head into the car seat.  “Whoever this bitch is, she is not worth your time or mine. She’s a fucking slut and she’s probably the reason you were two fucking hours late. I don’t want to see her, or anyone, around here again. And you,” he said, looking past Billy to meet your eyes. “you stay the fuck away from Maxine and Billy. I better not ever see your fucking face again in my life. You’re a worthless fucking cunt, and if you interfere with my rules again, I’ll kill the both of you. Am I clear?” You looked straight ahead and nodded. “AM I CLEAR?” Neil screamed, slamming Billy’s head back again. 

“Yes sir, you’re clear. I understand,” you answered quickly. 

“Am I clear, Billy?”

“Yes, sir,” Billy breathed almost inaudibly. Neil was calm for a moment, then slapped Billy with the back of his hand. 

“I can’t fucking hear you,” Neil growled. 

“Yes, sir, very clear,” Billy said. 

“Good, good,” Neil smirked. “Now get the fuck away from my house.”

Billy didn’t have to be told twice. He jammed his foot onto the gas, speeding away as fast as he possibly could, tears pouring down his cheeks. You were crying too, though not as much as him. “Billy...” you murmured. He shook his head vigorously, unable to say anything until he was far, far away from his father. His knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel too hard, and you gently reached over and put your hand on his. Billy allowed you to pull that hand from the steering wheel, and you locked his fingers with yours. He squeezed your hand just once, glancing over at you. He pulled into an empty parking lot and turned off the car. You sat in silence for a while, waiting for him to speak. 

“(Y/n)... (y/n), God, I am so fucking-” he cut off, trying not to sob. “I’m so fucking sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he cried. You had seen him cry once or twice, but never like this.

“Billy, it’s okay, I don’t care what he says about me.” 

“But he fucking said those things, and I didn’t fight him, I didn’t do anything, fuck,” Billy rambled. “I should’ve told him to shut up, I should’ve driven away, you weren’t ever supposed to see that, hear that, fuck-”

“Billy, hey,” you said softly. He turned to face you, tears still glossing his eyes. “It was my fault we were late. I’m sorry, I should’ve thought about...” You couldn’t look at him.

“It’s not your fault, babe,” he whispered. “Neil’s just a dick. He always has been. But I never wanted you to... shit, I’m so sorry.”

“Billy, do you remember when we started dating and you told me that you had never been in a real relationship before?” Billy nodded. “Do you remember what I told you?” 

~

“(Y/n), I gotta admit, I’ve never really done this whole dating thing. Like, the loyal to one person and not fucking around thing,” Billy laughed nervously. You took his hand and laughed.

“I’m glad I’m your first for something, Billy,” you teased.

“Shut up,” he mumbled, blushing. “I just... I don’t know how to do this. I don’t want to hurt you, I’ll never want to hurt you, I’m never gonna, but I’m scared that I’m gonna fuck things up and you won’t love me anymore.”

“Billy, we’re dating now. That means staying and sorting things out, no matter how hard or annoying they seem. Plus, I’ll be here every step of the way,” you grinned. “I’m with you no matter what, for better or worse, okay?” Billy returned your smile.

“Okay”

~

“Do you remember what I told you?” 

A ghost of a smile appeared on Billy’s face.

“Yeah,” he whispered. 

“I’m with you for better or worse, baby. Now and always,” you said. 

Billy ran a hand through his hair. “I’m just scared that with me, it’s gonna be for worse. You don’t deserve that,” he mumbled. 

“You don’t deserve it either,” you pointed out. Billy grunted, looking at the floor. “You don’t, Billy. I don’t care what Neil, or anybody, says, you deserve to be happy. And I’m glad I’m the one who gets to make you happy because-” You took a deep breath. “Because I love you, Billy,” you finished quietly. It was the first time you had said it out loud. Billy whipped his head to look at you, wincing a little.

“You love me?” You smiled slightly and nodded.

“Yeah, I do.”

“That’s good, because I love you too.” Billy smiled a genuine smile for the first time that evening. He pulled you toward him, leaning in to kiss you. The kiss was soft and gentle, unlike Billy’s usual rough, passionate kisses. He just wanted to be close to you right now. You placed your hands lightly on the sides of his face, careful to avoid the place where Neil had hit him. Billy wrapped his arms around you in response, pulling you still closer to him before breaking the kiss. You placed your forehead against his and stroked his cheek. “For better or worse?” Billy asked.

“Now and always,” you replied quietly. Billy smiled again.

You loved him.

~

Thank you for reading! I went a little overboard but whatever. Love you all!

xoxo

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Part 04 of 07

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader | platonic!Eddie X Reader

Word count: 1.9 K

<- Previous part (03)

Next part -> (05)

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

Summary: You didn't get over Billy's death, isolating yourself from everyone. But when a new monster starts making victims, the party has no other choice but to involve you... And ask you to give shelter to a metalhead.

A/N: Special thanks to my wonderful friend @multific for all her help through this story. I love you, girl!!

×

Hopes and Anchors

Nancy having guns doesn't surprise you. But that's only because you also have two yourself. And so, the small party starts to walk, flashlights on hand, careful and paying attention to the surroundings. Your ears and eyes are open, on high alert to anything out of the ordinary.

Robin leads, keeping the group's pace fast but cautious. Nancy and Steve are just behind her, but with time their pace grows slower, as they start to talk. And, to give them some privacy, you do the same. That's how you pair up with Eddie, and then, both of you stay even further behind the group but make sure they're always in your sight.

“What's up between those two?” Eddie asks after a while.

“They used to date. Then they broke up, now Nancy is with Jonathan but...” Shrugging your shoulders, you step over a particularly large vine. “I don't know, they're not doing very well, it seems. But I... I don't keep up anymore.”

“Can I say something? Something you probably won't like?” Furrowing your eyebrows, you look at him, nodding. “I think, whoever Billy was, he would want you to move on.” That makes you stop, a breath caught in your throat. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.”

“No, I...” Shaking your head, you clear your throat. “It's okay. I just don't talk about him since...”

“I don't think that's very healthy.”

“It hurts too much.”

“Wanna tell me about him?” He speaks fast, and you start to walk again. You know what he's doing. Eddie is trying to help, and it warms your heart a little. He's a good person. Which is obvious, or else Dustin wouldn't admire him so much. “I mean, everyone seems to know the guy, but I got to the party a bit too late.” He offers you a small smile.

And you find yourself smiling as well. “I met Billy on his first day at school. I literally ran onto him, so fast we both fell. He was so mad, and I was laughing so hard, I don't even remember why. Something clicked, I think. Because when we got up, we just looked at each other.” The memory brings a bright smile to your lips. “The next day the jerk offered me a ride home. One week after that, the first date. Ever since we were a thing. Girls used to hate me because I stole all of her chances to hook Billy Hargrove, Hawkins' bad boy. And despite not being in an official relationship, we were together.”

“Sounds like you were really into each other.” He says, almost slipping. You giggle and he gives you a fake angry stare.

“We were... But he... He never really said it. And I don't blame him, but...”

“But...”

You stop again, and this time, you don't cry. The pain is deep, still fresh, but maybe you're out of tears. “He said it when he was dying.” It comes out so low you're not sure Eddie heard you. “He died in my arms, sacrificed himself on his last sane moment after the Mind Flayer possessed him. He... He said he loved me... But I didn't have time to say it back.” Saying it after eight months hits you hard, and you fall on your knees, a hand on your stomach as you catch your breath.

“Hey.” Eddie kneels next to you, touching your arm. “He knew. Do you hear me? He knew it, he didn't have to hear it. He knew.”

Covering your face, you take deep breaths, trying to control yourself, get a grip of yourself. “W-what if he didn't? What if he didn't?”

“Did you make him feel loved? Did you ever try to make him feel loved?”

You did. Every single day, your mission was to show Billy he was loved, despite the awful things Neil told him. “Yes.”

“He knew. I promise you, he knew.”

Slowly, you calm yourself, forcing into silence all your racing thoughts and feelings. Taking your hands off your face, you suck in deep breaths, eyes on the forest ground. You're about to get up when something gets your attention. It reflects the dim light of this place, and it has you reaching out in the mud to see what it is, this thing that doesn't seem like it belongs on this dark forest floor.

Your movements are slow and lethargic, as you clean it from tiny dead leaves and mud. But then, you recognize it. A soundless yell escapes your lips as you hold it against your chest, your sight getting blurred as you feel yourself falling.

“(Y/N)!” Eddie's voice reaches out to you, but it sounds distant, miles away. “(Y/N), don't do this to me. (Y/N), what happened?” Arms come to surround you, and then you're being lifted. “Stay with me, okay? Stay with me, (Y/N).” He's starting to get desperate, but you're still lost in your stupor, hand clenched into a fist, holding tightly on to his earing. “Okay, you're okay.” He clears his throat. “She's got a smile that it seems to me, reminds me of childhood memories.” Eddie starts to sing, and you can hear his voice near your ear. “C'mon, stay with me. Where everything was as fresh as the blue bright sky.”

The music goes on for a while, until you slowly climb back to yourself, your eyes opening, and the weight of your discovery crashing over you. “What happened?”

“I don't know. She just fainted.” Eddie replies, and you feel yourself being put down.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N), can you hear me?” Steve asks, and when you look at him, you wrap your arms around his neck.

That's when the crying starts. Messy, painful, desperate. “I found his necklace. I found his necklace. Billy's necklace, I found it, Steve. I found it.” You repeat over and over again.

“Alright. Shh. Let me see it. Hey.” He pulls away, looking down at you. “Let me see it.”

With shaking hands, you show it to him. Steve takes it carefully from your hand. “No way,” Nancy mutters, and you look at her appalled face.

“What does it mean?” You ask them, all of them. “What does it mean? He was wearing it. I remember. He was wearing it.”

“We need to find a way out of here,” Steve says, a hand on your cheek. “When we're safe back in Hawkins, we'll talk about this. Alright? I promise. But right now, we have to move.”

It's not fair. It's just not fair that you can't discuss this now, right freaking now... But you know he's right. And you don't have the brains to think now.

So you just move, with Eddie helping you through the way, as the others also have eyes on you. When you get to Nancy's house, you sit on the couch, still perplexed, still crying like a baby. You hear them talking about something. About the gun not being here, about the Upside Down being stuck somewhere in the past... But you can't follow. Your brain just can't process it now.

You're back in that dark place, unable to move, or think.

At some point, you notice you're lying against Eddie, your head on his shoulder as you deal with some sobbing. Clearing your throat and doing your best to wipe off the many tears rolling down your face, you move away from him. “Sorry... I didn't even notice.”

He looks at you, worry and sadness in his eyes. “It's alright. I don't mind, really. And you really need a shoulder to cry on.” Turning to stare at him, Eddie gives you the saddest smile you've ever seen. “Come, it's alright.”

His kindness makes you cry all over again, and you let yourself snuggle on him, eyes closed. Then, he starts to hum "Sweet Child O' Mine."

•••

Climbing through a gate on the ceiling and then falling was a very unusual experience. You hurt your arm by falling on a bad way, and then, there was the thing with Vecna taking Nancy. You almost lost your mind at the thought of losing Nancy too.

But Vecna only needed to pass on a message. The revelations had your mind spinning around, and you had to leave them to shower and rest. There was a fight when they forced you to get some sleep, with the promise of having a good plan for when you wake up.

You did feel like a baby, even more, when the babysitter himself came to tuck you in the bed. But you understand their worry. And you're thankful.

But what warms your heart, even more, is that, after half an hour of staring at the ceiling, when Eddie comes to check on you at Steve's request, he stays. Eddie sits next to you, singing your song in a low voice. Then, at some point, you grab his hand, just when you're about to close your eyes, and just hold it, as a way to ground you to reality. A scary, painful reality that stole your love from you, but the reality where your friends - your chosen family - live. So you need to stay grounded. And Eddie is pretty much being your anchor now.

You wake up suddenly, a breath caught up in your throat. “Rise and shine,” Eddie says, looking down at you.

“How long have I slept?” You mutter, looking at your joined hands. “Sorry about that.”

“No problem.” He says as you let go of his hand. “You needed it.”

“I did.” There's no reason to deny it. “Do they have a plan?”

“Probably. There was some yelling and arguing.”

“Then they have a plan.” Sitting up, you yawl. “You can shower if you want... There are still some clean clothes you can use, right?” Eddie nods. “I'll speak to them.”

“Can I wash my hair?”

The question and his slightly embarrassed face make you giggle. “If you don't mind your hair smelling like flowers.”

Eddie chuckles, rolling his eyes. “Girls and their flowers.”

As Eddie goes to the bathroom, you make your way to the living room to find what the battle plans are.

And you're not even a little bit surprised to know you'll be going to a gun store named "Warzone", just outside Hawkins. And you're far less surprised by how you intend on going there without risking anyone's car. For the first time, the party will have to do some stealing, but everyone here already committed a crime or two, and as long as it's for the greater good, you don't mind it at all.

And with that, you all prepare for the next day. Car theft, Warzone, Upside Down... And then, killing Vecna once and for all.

They all left without the promised talk about Billy's necklace, which you're wearing now around your neck now. But it's alright... You have plans of your own, that you mean to merge with their own.

×

@ietss @littestatesman @hanahisawizard @aaaaslaaaan @pans-fav-shank @gerim-1995 @what-the-heckin-heck @lady-ragnvindr @slutfor-muson @whiskeypowder @naiswrld @imagineslover88 @carolineesnell @boomhauer @browneyes528 @lem0ns77 @bdudette @thatsamegirl @spicykimchii

[chuckbass-love]

hii! I have a request for prompt 71 with Andy or ransom ☺️

Hey lovely, thank you so much for waiting this long for me to post this and i really hope you enjoy reading it just as much as i enjoyed writing it.

Prompt #71: "I'm gonna fuck you in front of the mirror, i want you to see how pretty you look when you're spreading your legs for me"

Disclaimer: My work is not to be translated or to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Andy Barber x Fem!Reader

Warning: Swearing, unprotected sex, rough sex, ass spanking, vagina spanking, oral (f receiving), orgasm denial, daddy kink, breeding kink and angst.

Word Count: 3,486

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @sergeantbuckybarnes go check them out💜

In The Mirror

Standing in the middle of the master bedroom, you start to fold the freshly washed clothes before putting them away neatly in the closet. You start off by putting shirts away, Andy’s and then yours before moving on to jeans. Sometimes you wonder how he even has the room for his own clothes since you take up the majority of the space. But you just put that down to shopping trips he's so insistent on treating you to.

As you’re just finishing up, you hear the front door open before it slams shut so hard that the anger fuelling the slam of it can be felt even upstairs where you are.

Looks like Andy is finally home...

You decide to finish up with what you’re currently doing, taking your time before approaching your husband with caution. It was probably another run in with Neil, something you’ve grown accustom to dealing with ever since you met him. Doesn’t mean you don’t run out of ways to handle it occasionally though, your best option is to just allow him to vent before you distract him. Usually distracting him requires an old movie and takeout but other times it requires rough and needy sex.

“Andy” you call out as you pad down the stairs and into the kitchen, only to find him practically chugging a beer way to quickly. It must be bad if he couldn’t even wait until dinner to drink alcohol.

“You know sometimes i think why do i even bother going to work. I mean, Lynn sure seems to enjoy screwing me over for that fucking prick Neil and i’ve had just about enough of it”

Okay, now he’s really angry. You have no idea what to do or even what to say to him, you’re rendered speechless by his cursing and boiling temper.

“I was just about to make dinner, uh, lasagne perhaps. Or maybe we could order takeout again and rent that movie you were telling me about. It’s up to y-“

“Did you not listen to a goddam word i said? I don’t give a shit about dinner, do whatever. I’m going to take a shower” his decibels rise, his tone scolding as he storms past you and up the stairs taking two at a time until he reaches the top. You hear his heavy footsteps stomping to the bedroom and then suddenly it all turns quiet until the shower water starts to run.

Rather than leaving him to cool off, you decide to head up to check on him.

In a way, he was right. You practically ignored his annoyed state and changed the subject, in fact you couldn’t have changed it fast enough. But that’s only because you didn’t know what to say. When he gets like that, there’s not a lot you can say.

“Andy, i’m sorry” you squeak, stepping into the master bedroom to find him stood with his back to you as he removes his dress shirt and tie. His back muscles tense as he stands still for a second before turning around and tossing his clothes to the floor before starting on his belt.

“Andy” you mumble, desperate for him to acknowledge you.

“What?” he snaps, slipping out of all clothes until he’s in nothing but his birthday suit, his impressive size dangling between his legs.

“I’m sor-“

“I heard you”

You gently step closer to him, examining his face for any tell tale signs of discomfort before you rest your hand on his right forearm, “please, just talk to me. What happened today?”

“Like you care, all you seemed to give a shit about was dinner, so how about you go focus on that like a good little house wife and leave me to deal with the tough shit... does that sound like a deal?”

“That’s not fair, Andy. I didn’t know what to say to you, that’s all. You’ve had that many run ins with Neil lately that i lose sight of how to help you. But i’m here now, just talk to me. Tell me what i can do to make it better”

Silence.

His hand pulls from your touch, but before you can even understand what’s going on you’re back is already touching his toned tatted chest. His arms rest on your shoulders, keeping you pressed against him.

“Well, there is one thing...” he starts, moving your hair to the other side of your neck, freeing up some skin for him to feast on. His mouth nears closer, his hot breath fanning you torturously as his nose nudges at you. That’s when you feel his hands fiddle with the hem of your shirt teasingly, slowly lifting it up your torso with ease. You lift your arms in the air, allowing him to remove it before he discards it behind him without a care.

“Such a beautiful body, honey. Be a shame to waste it fretting away about dinner in that kitchen” you gulp in response, feeling his lips barely grazing the nape of your neck, the action causes a shiver to dance down your spine as his beard scratches you.

“Andy” your voice is nothing but a breathless whimper as you turn to face him, his hands instantly rest on your waist at the band of your booty shorts. Of course when he tugs at them, you know what he’s after now and you also know that no matter what you do or say, he’ll take it regardless.

He drops down to his knees, surrendering to your body and dragging your shorts down your legs as he sinks to the floor. You step out of them for him, even going as far as to kick them to one side before he pushes you back to the wall.

The palm of his hand gives your calf a soft squeeze as the other lifts your leg up to drape over his shoulder, your aching sex on show for his lustful orbs to focus on. The insatiable hunger is starting to drown out his mind, body and soul, he’s incapable of thinking of anything else but you, craving anything else but you.

He’s starving, desperate to taste you.

A couple more minutes pass with him peppering kisses along your ankle at first before moving up to your calf and then your thigh. You try to push him away due to the sensitivity there but he only forces you off him, he’s so much stronger than you could ever be and you know now that you’ve lost.

He presses another chaste kiss to your bundle of nerves before pausing and feeling your body react to his touch. Your shaking body begs to be worshipped and devoured whilst he begs to drink and breathe you in like you’re his only lifeline.

“Smell so good” he coos, poking his tongue out to give your clit a kitten lick as his nose nudges at your mound, the action causes you to roll your eyes to the back of your head. Whatever you did to deserve this agonising torture, you will make sure to never do it again. This is teasing at its peak.

“Please, Andy. I need you”

“Oh you’ll have me, alright” his response is quick yet snappy as he dives into you. His mouth latches onto your sex aggressively, sucking, slurping and biting. His beard scratching your inner thighs and it's sure to leave a burn there.

The tip of his tongue points all the more as he winds it around your clit rapidly and even with one hand gripping your hips roughly whilst the other strokes your leg up and down before settling on your ass, you still feel unsteady as if the smallest wave of pleasure could knock you to the floor.

His mouth right where you want him comes and goes as he takes breaks in between to come up for air, but right when you feel yourself getting lost in the feeling, it comes to a complete halt.

You glance down at him, eyelids heavy, chest rising and falling, only to find him rising to his feet.

“What the hell, Andy?” you ask, your entire body heating up.

“You sound angry” he cocks his head to the side as he grazes his hand across your hardened nipple.

“I am”

“Now, that’s exactly how i felt when i came home. Yet instead of comforting me like a good little wife should do, you made me feel worse. So therefore, you don’t deserve to cum”

What the hell is wrong with him tonight?

He shoots you a wink before padding into the bathroom, the shower water still running and steaming up all of the mirrors in your eye-line until he closes the door, locking it to prevent you from entering and leaving you standing there perplexed at his actions.

He did all of that on purpose. He built you up to the edge of ecstasy before leaving you to come crashing down all alone, all in the name of proving a point.

You reach for your robe off the hook on the bedroom door before storming out, brimming with frustration as you make a start on the dinner. Lasagne will do for tonight.

You prep it as fast as you can whilst the oven preheats to the correct temperature before putting it in and setting the timer. Now you can relax.

As soon as you throw yourself down onto the couch and flick the tv on, you hear the bathroom door open. You’re almost certain that he expected you to wait for him like a lost puppy dog but you refuse to play into his petty games of revenge. All because you didn’t comfort him. It was silly and unnecessary.

So for now, you’ll indulge in some reality television whilst you wait for dinner to cook and if there’s one thing that’s for certain, it’s that you are most definitely not putting out for him tonight. No matter what he says or how much he sweet talks you. It’s not good enough for him to treat you like that.

Whatever Neil did or said, that’s a work problem.

Andy can’t believe his eyes when he comes back into the bedroom only to find it empty. He wraps his white towel around his waist, covering up his modesty before heading out into the hallway and down the stairs. As he reaches the bottom of them, he spots you watching tv in the lounge, giggling away at whatever The Kardashian family are doing now, but whatever it is, he doesn’t care.

Instead of leaving you be, he stomps over “what do you think you’re doing?” he inquires, voice bellowing more than he intended “i’m waiting for the lasagne to cook, it’s in the oven. Enjoy your shower, honey?” you probe sarcastically, a rhetorical question. However your sarcasm infuriates him further as he picks you up with ease.

“Andy, put me down. NOW” you shout, kicking your legs and slapping his upper back as he drapes you over like you weigh nothing.

“Dinner is in the oven” you remind him, desperate to avoid burning it. But that’s when he puts you down before walking over to the kitchen and turning the oven off.

Your eyes widen as he approaches you once again, picking you up and carrying you up the stairs, taking them two at a time as he always does.

“Andy” you groan until he places you back onto your own two feet, his hands practically rip your robe off to expose your naked body before he does the same to the towel covering his manhood up.

“I’ll tell you what’s about to happen, honey and you’re going to listen” he informs you, stepping closer and moving you to stand in front of the mirror. You correct your abysmal posture as you look back at him in the mirror. A sinister glint in his eyes becomes crystal clear as a wicked grin graces his handsome face. His beard full, his hair still wet from the shower as droplets of water drip down his chest.

“I’m gonna fuck you in front of the mirror, i want you to see how pretty you look when you’re spreading your legs for me” the pure filth has you holding your breath in shock before exhaling dramatically.

He’s always been kinky but sometimes he still manages to leave you shocked. Although it’s times like these that you love him the most, the whines and whimpers he draws from you so effortlessly, the way he causes your body to tremble raggedly and most of all the way your entire world stops turning as he brings you to that cliff edge, pushing you off of it with his two large menacing hands.

He kicks your legs apart further before pulling your arms to the back of you. He hooks his arm inside of them to prevent you from moving away from him whilst his other hand massages your puffy petal like folds before circling your dripping entrance.

Once his tip is resting directly at the tight hole, he proceeds to move forward, the skin around your entrance catching onto him as your walls welcome him inside.

“Oh, fuckkk” he draws out the word, groaning and gasping for air as he drives home, the feeling overwhelming you to the limit.

How can one man have such a firm and tight grip on you like this?

How did you end up here, unable to utter out a single word as his pace picks up before he’s fucking into you so violently, snapping his hips with no signs of slowing down.

“Keep your eyes on yourself, honey, do as i say” he warns, and the moment you look up at him, you see the darkness and it causes you to look away, focusing back on yourself just like he instructed you to do.

The feeling of his cock dragging along your walls so fast is enough to cause the knot in your stomach to tighten painfully. The pleasure is almost too intense to bare, too much for your fragile body to handle. Yet you continue to take it, allowing him to fuck away his anger, channeling it into this moment.

His arm and hand tightens around your arms, holding you in place as he keeps his sights on you, watching as your mouth hangs open in the perfect O shape. Fuck, you look perfect like this with him bending you to his will, using you for the sole purpose of his pleasure and his pleasure only.

How did he get so lucky to be graced with you’re beauty?

The harder he snaps his hips into you, the more the coil tightens and the all too familiar feeling builds all the more inside of you. An ongoing reminder of your impending orgasm.

“Andy, i-i’m gonna c-cum” you tell him, begging for him to allow you the privilege of releasing, the privilege of creaming all over his rock hard cock.

A dark chuckle erupts from his throat, mocking your pleas for a release before tutting at you, the torment continuing.

“Please” you beg once again, only to be reprimanded with the harsh sting of his hand landing on your ass cheek “keep your eyes on the mirror, honey. You’ll come when i tell you to, quit being a brat”

The need to release is almost unbearable, tears of pleasure welling in your eyes and drowning out your vision before you blink, allowing them to stream down your innocent looking face for him to see. It only spurs him on more as he moves his free hand in from of you, kicking your legs further apart before smacking down on your sex brutally. Your body jerks in response before somewhat relaxing at the feel of him rubbing briskly at your pulsating clit.

“That’s it, honey. Taking that cock so fucking well”

“I need to c-cum, A-Andy” your voice trembles frantically in hopes of him taking pity upon you.

“Shhh, baby. Just let daddy fuck the frustration away, gotta fuck it all away” his words are pure filth but his tone is gentle and needy. He just wants to take his anger out on your body, channel it into something.

You can imagine that with the field of work he’s in that he finds it hard to keep his cool with Neil every day. Which is a shame because they used to be close.

Granted that was back when Neil first started and Andy mentored him, whipped him into shape and taught him everything he knows. And Neil is a better lawyer because of it. However, it also means that he’s just rude, obnoxious and cocky towards Andy, pushing him to the edge and taunting him a little more every day.

“Hold yourself back for daddy, you’ll cum when i give you permission to. Is that clear, honey?”

“Yes” you mumble, barely audible.

“What was that?”

“I mean, yes daddy” you correct, watching his eyes intently, searching for any sign of him letting up his tight hold and hard thrusts.

“Good girl, being so perfect for daddy and taking this fucking like a pro, huh?”

“Yes daddy”

Your eyes glaze over as you struggle to keep yourself in tact, the hold you have on your orgasm is slipping from your control slowly but surely and you know that if he doesn’t give you the go ahead soon then you’ll end up breaking the rules.

Something that will surely earn you a painful punishment.

“God, fuck. I’m gonna cum, you gonna cum with me, honey?” he asks, gasping. You throw your head back onto his chest, arching your back into him further. You nod your head as quickly as you can as you feel your knees turning weak.

“Count down with me”

“10’ you say in unison, his fingers rubbing furiously at your sex.

“9” the sound of your skin slapping together bounces off of the walls.

“8” the feel of his mouth latching onto the sweet spot on your neck, pearly white teeth sinking in to mark you up.

“7” the moans he’s eliciting are now flowing out of your mouth uncontrollably.

“6” deep grunts escape him as he pushes you against the mirror, causing your cheek to push up against it.

“5” the feel of him fucking into you tightens the coil for the final time, the feeling agonising.

“4” you scrunch your eyes closed, seeing stars as you arrive at the cliff edge.

“3” you say in unison as his thrusts turn from fast and rough to slow and hard.

“2” his cock twitches inside of you, your walls flutter around him over and over.

“1”

“That’s it, baby, cream all over that cock for me”

You let go, body shuttering as you stand up onto your tip toes. His grip on your arms lets up, causing you to fall forward, hands resting on the wall either side of the mirror.

“Oh god” he growls, hands splaying across the soft globes of your ass before he fills you with hot ropes of cum, breeding you unofficially.

He remains seated deep inside of you for a minute or two whilst the two of you struggle to regain control of your breathing, both of your hearts beating so fast that it feels as though they are on the cusp of exploding out of your chest.

“How are you feeling now?” you ask as he pulls out, turning to face him.

“Hungry for Chinese takeout and a night filled with fucking that tight cunt”

“Was that not enough?”

“I’ll never get my fill of you” he says, pulling your naked body flush against his “i want you all of the time and besides, that was just to channel my anger into something. The next time will be to make a baby”

“W-what?” your voice shaky as you raise your eyebrows at him.

“You heard me, i’m gonna spend all night breeding you, honey. Gonna make you all nice and round with my child. Gives me a chance to take my mind of that cunt Neil”

You nod your head, humming your agreement before pressing your lips to his.

Sure, you’ve had chats about kids before but this is the first time he’s openly suggested trying and even after his outburst, your love for him remains.

You can’t wait to spend the night tangled up in the crisp white sheets of your bed, filled with his cum.

---------------------

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[jingerhead]

Hi!! So for prompt ideas I’ve always wanted to know more about Neil’s time on the run, and how some habits might have translated to his daily life with the Foxes. You can’t tell me he doesn’t just do weird shit sometimes based on the conditioning his mom drilled into him for years. Oh and also the Foxes general reaction to these things. Thanks!!!

Ooooooo I really like this one! So my brain goes straight to some basics, like sleeping habits we know he has with an arm under the pillow and stuff. Maybe he hoards food, it takes him a long time to get more things than he can carry, checks for exits and keeps his body angled so he can get to them instead of being backed into a corner or something.

But listen imagine the possibilities of Neil knowing how to do parkour.

He can run and climb buildings and get to any exit he needs to, so he's super good at scaling walls and has a good eye for spotting unlocked doors and windows. He's flexible, can flip and roll at just the right moments, and he does it so effortlessly. And this is something I've been thinking of forever:

Wymack was furiously talking on the phone, but it sounded like it was more to himself than anyone on the other end. The rest of the foxes were talking quietly to each other, all with different levels of worry. Kevin seemed to have the most, probably because the keys to the bus were locked in an office. Andrew would offer to help, but he'd much rather not have to go to the game that night, so instead he stuck near his people and played with a cigarette box.

"Stop it," Kevin finally hissed. "This is serious."

Andrew only rattled the box more in response, which finally got Kevin to walk away from him. He decided to look at Neil to pass the time, who was staring up at the office building with an intense look. He didn't seem worried, more like he was glaring angrily at the second story window that might be the place the keys to the bus were.

"Well, this is great," Wymack said with a fake grin as he turned towards the team, clapping his hands once. "Nobody can get here until ten."

"Four hours?" Dan and Kevin asked, sounding equally appalled.

"Yup! Someone decided to take a surprise vacation."

If they couldn't get the keys until ten, then they wouldn't be able to get to the game on time. Oh, the horror, Andrew thought, glancing back at Neil, who finally turned back around. "The second story window is unlocked," he seemed to report.

Wymack raised one eyebrow. "And?"

"I can climb up the gutter," Neil said, pointing, "and get to the window."

Everyone was quiet as they listened. Andrew wanted to watch Neil do it, because even if he fell flat on his ass it would be entertaining. Wymack clearly debated for a moment before finally asking, "Without breaking anything?"

"Yes."

"Then do it."

Neil didn't hesitate: he turned and ran towards the building with long strides, hands gripping the gutter to pull himself up until his feet found something to stand on - by his toes Andrew was pretty sure - and then Neil swiftly opened the window and rolled inside. Andrew hated his memory most of the time, but not now, when he could replay Neil scaling a wall like it was nothing over and over again.

A moment later, the front door opened. Neil nodded inside, and Wymack followed him in. Everyone seemed stunned to silence, only asking questions that went unanswered after the two came back out of the building. Next thing Andrew knew, they were on the bus to the game. "Haven't you ever heard of not reminding the teacher there's homework due, Neil?" he asked as the bus pulled away from campus. Neil just rolled his eyes and didn't bother arguing. Andrew held his head up with one hand and stared back at Neil from his seat. "Where'd you learn to do that, Rabbit?"

"Had to learn a lot of things," Neil said back vaguely.

"Hm," Andrew hummed, letting the matter go for now.

Tell me a prompt or something you wish I'd write :)

[thatfuckingweirdo]

Up, Up and Away...

Bucky Barnes x Insecure!Female Reader

Summary: Bucky turns soft in the middle of sex, and you're left wondering if you were the cause.

Warnings: Angst, insecurities, erectile dysfunction, tears, self doubt, semi smut, implied smut, and uh, I think that's all?

Authors Notes: This was a fun one to write! It definitely got out of hand and I'm glad I ended it before it got any longer, no pun intended!

This is written for @the-ss-horniest-book-club thank you so much for the prompt! 💙

Word count: 1,298

Hours Earlier

"Oh Bucky… yes… right there…" you moaned, your nails scratching down his back as he fucked you hard, the mattress squeaking under you that only made the sex feel so much better and intimate.

Bucky was panting quietly, a permanent frown in between his eyes. He was so tired from the mission and the stress from the upcoming mission didn't help his mood, there were things on his mind but he wanted to please you before the two of you went to sleep.

The longer he was thrusting, the more tired he was feeling and fuck… he turned soft inside of you. Ashamed, he pulled out and sighed, rolling away from you and bouncing back on his side of the bed. "Sorry doll, good night." He mumbled under his breath, reaching over to turn off the lamp. He was already snoring before you had the chance to say goodnight.

Present time...

The coffee cup in front of you held your interest as you stared into the cup. Was it you? Was Bucky not sexually attracted to you anymore? Did he finally open his eyes and realize just what he could have with someone else? This has never happened before, not in the three years of your relationship. His stamina and sexual appetite has always been really good that sometimes you would need to turn him down because of how sore he made you.

You couldn't make sense of it. The more you thought about it, the more likely it felt like it was your fault. It was also the first time you slept away from each other, it was like two strangers in a bed where in normal circumstances, you would usually be cuddling up to each other in the night. It was strange and you didn't feel good about it.

Bucky soon joined you in the kitchen, pouring his own coffee and sitting down silently opposite you, flipping through the pages of the newspaper. He hasn't said good morning, you realize and it stings. What you weren't aware of was the embarrassment he was feeling from last night. He shouldn't have let the stress and tiredness get to him which caused his boner to deflate mid use. He didn't know how to apologize for such a thing.

The mission coming up was the worst one yet because it was an infiltration of a hydra base, the former bunker in which he was kept and that's why this mission weighed down heavy on his shoulders.

Bucky realized he forgot to say good morning and looked up from his newspaper to find you already starting at him with a sad look in your eyes. He smiled as kindly as he could before clearing his throat and scratching his head. "Mornin' doll."

A little bit of hope sends flutters to your stomach and you shift in your seat before clearing your own throat. "Morning, did you sleep okay?" The atmosphere feels awkward and you hate it. It's never been like this before.

"Yeah- yeah I slept good. Just waiting for this mission to be over and done with." He sighs, gulping down his coffee in one go and standing up to put the dirty cup in the sink.

The morning after the awkward encounter in the kitchen, Bucky left for his week-long mission with a quick kiss to your cheek. You spent most of that time alone and it was probably the most dangerous thing you could have done. All of your insecurities crept back one by one, making you feel like you were the most grossest person on earth. The nights were spent crying and sobbing into his pillow, you would wake up the next morning with headaches and sore eyes.

On the fourth night, there were no more tears left to cry. You did wake up in a bitter mood though, it only improved slightly because an agent had come running in to inform everyone the team was on their way back earlier than expected. Apparently, the mission had been a success. You're glad that nobody was hurt, but you couldn't help the anxious feeling of what would happen with you and Bucky. What would happen to your relationship?

You would soon learn things would remain the same, you still haven't talked about that night and your insecurities were still eating away in your mind. Bucky hasn't initiated sex since, and to be honest it only made you feel worse. You started to wear full pajamas to bed instead of just your sleep shirt and panties because you thought it would make him feel a bit more comfortable around you.

It hurt a lot more when you would notice his bulge in his sweatpants from watching a steamy sex scene in a movie, but not around you. Deciding you couldn't take this anymore, you figured the best thing to do would be to move out of his room and back into your old one. You had to negotiate a hug with Tony for your key back, but it was worth it.

Bucky walked in after his run with Steve to find you throwing your clothes into a duffel bag and tears streaming down your face. Panicked, he closed and locked the door behind him to stop you from walking out before he's had a chance to speak to you.

"Doll? What's going on?" His brows furrow even deeper when you ignore him, and he grabs the duffel bag and throws it over the other side of the room. Thank goodness the window wasn't open.

"I could ask you the same question. It's fine if you're not sexually attracted to me anymore but it's an insult if there's something more going on-"

"Something more? What are you talking about? And who said I wasn't sexually attracted to you? Did that Neil guy say something?" Bucky was feeling angrier by the second. Not at you of course, but he hated people on the outside of your relationship sticking their opinions in your business.

"I'm talking about that night, Bucky. You haven't initiated sex with me since and I know it's something to do with me because I've seen you adjusting yourself from watching a movie!"

"Doll, it's a misunderstanding please let me explain?" He pleads, taking your hands and kissing the back of them before capturing your tears with his thumbs. You nod, taking a seat on the bed and waiting for him to continue. He kneels down in front of you and rests his arms on your thighs. "That night had nothing to do with you baby, you felt as amazing as ever. It was my fault; I got myself worked up over the missions that it interfered with… things. And, I haven't initiated anything because I thought you were ashamed of me and I was embarrassed."

You let out a breath that you didn't realize you were holding. "So, you still want me?" You sniffled, wiping your wet cheeks with the sleeve of your sweater.

Bucky looks almost offended that you could ask such a question. "Of course I want you doll, I always want you. Can I show you how much?" His eyes drop to your lips and you subconsciously lick them out of the bad habit you have.

"How- do you wanna do that?" Bucky smirks at your question and reaches for your hand before dipping it under the elastic of his running shorts and boxers. You gasp audibly when you're met with something very hard, hot and pulsing against your fingertips with need.

"You see? It's not you, it was me. If it was you, I wouldn't be constantly horny for you." He winks, shoving his pants and boxers down his legs to let his erection spring free. "Now, let me show you how much I want and need you."

[ickypuppi3]

🎁 ❄️ 👩‍👦 (:

for the billy hc ask game - thanks for the ask !!

answered these as ficlets because i was bored <3

🎁 — What was the best present he ever received, and who gave it to him?

a book. a book from steve harrington.

you’d think it would be… well anything other than a book, probably. but that’s the truth. it happened when steve climbed through his window one night. like a ninja, he’d said. billy just rolled his eyes. tried not to smile.

he noticed steve holding something. raised an eyebrow. steve handed it over with a big smile on his face. and who would blame billy for being a teeny bit suspicious. steve was acting weird. Up To Something billy thought.

he looked down. looked at the item now in his hands. it was rectangular, wrapped in paper and had a big ass bow stuck to the front.

steve told him to just hurry up and open it. asked him if he’d never opened a present before. billy told him to fuck off. tore the paper off and threw it in steve’s general direction. he looked down again. paused.

it’s a first edition steve had told him. billy ran a finger over the letters on the front. a book. steve had given him a book. not just any book. the same book billy’s mom used to read to him. the same book neil had destroyed in front of billy a month ago.

billy swallowed. sat on his bed. opened the book up to the first page. his eyes blurred and his throat felt tight. he looked back up at steve. steve who was standing there looking sheepish. like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

he asked him if he liked it. billy laughed. steve actually asked if he liked it. billy held out his hands. got steve to sit on the bed with him. then he buried his face into steve’s neck. after placing the book carefully on his nightstand of course.

steve kissed his tears away. asked if billy would read it to him one day.

billy stuck the bow to steve’s head.

steve asked if that was a yes.

❄️ — How do you think he reacted to snow for the first time?

hated it. absolutely hated it.

told steve he wouldn’t be going to school for the next week. wouldn’t even be leaving his house. why would he?

steve told him to get over it. to get over himself. what a dick. asked him if it was because billy didn’t own any clothes that actually covered up his tits. dick.

he was right though. sort of. billy didn’t actually own a winter coat. or any clothes that would stop him from literally getting hypothermia. so yeah. he wasn’t going to go to school. or leave the house. simple.

until steve asked him to come over. and who was billy to say no to that, really. he caved almost as quickly as he came to his original decision. would’ve probably been embarrassed about that if his one train of thought wasn’t now steve’s house, parents not home.

the snow wasn’t too bad at that point. it was safe to drive at least. billy thanked the sky out loud.

as soon as he got to steve’s he was hauled inside. a quick kiss pressed to his lips before he could even register what the fuck had happened. then he was being dragged upstairs. he smiled to himself.

but steve didn’t take off any of his clothes. didn’t take off any of billy’s clothes either. no. steve handed him clothes. billy blinked at him in confusion. steve just pointed to billy’s chest and told him to cover up.

and that’s how billy hargrove finds himself in steve harrington’s bedroom. watching the snow through the window as he’s wrapped in about thirty fucking layers. just four, actually, steve tells him. doesn’t feel like ‘just four’ to billy, though.

eventually steve deems billy ‘wrapped up enough’. and he really is. head to fucking toe. beanie pulled down to his eyebrows and all. billy thinks that steve’s lucky he loves him because the damage being done to his hair right now is criminal. he sighs.

steve pinches his cheek. tells him to cheer up buttercup. billy sighs louder. wonders if the snow is deep enough to hide steve’s body.

then steve’s pulling him again. down the stairs and out the door. billy grumbles. doesn’t understand why they’re leaving steve’s warm as fuck house. steve tells him to get over it for the second time that day. tells him they’re going to have fun.

and they do. to billy’s surprise.

steve shows him how to make the perfect snowball. billy shoves it down the back of steve’s sweater. they make their first snowman together. snow angels too. steve kisses billy’s nose. tells him he looks cute all bundled up.

billy thinks that maybe snow isn’t that bad after all.

👩‍👦 — What’s your fave Billy + his mom headcanon?

tw // homophobia

billy loves books.

billy loved books as a kid too. billy loved most books but his favourite was the one his mom would read to him.

when she was home. when her and his dad weren’t arguing, that’s what she’d do. she’d read to him. read until he fell asleep. until he dreamt about falling. dreamt about a world where everything was upside down.

he thought his mom looked like the girl in the book. told her as much. she smiled, kissed both his cheeks and pointed to the words. got billy to read along with her.

he was good at that. reading. that’s what his mom said, anyway.

his dad called it queer. said that only fairies read that sort of thing. billy thought that fairies must be pretty neat if they liked this book.

wondered what that meant for him.

when billy got older, he would read to her. he would stroke her hair just like she did with him. he would tell her not to be sad. that he would find his own rabbit hole one day and take her with him.

spending time with his mom was his favourite. reading their book together was even better.