#thanks for the upgrade tim you’re actually okay sometimes

[deadsetobsessions]

AU of Gotham! Tim Drake! Danny where he doesn’t know the universe he was reincarnated into.

“Robin!” Batman barked. Tim sighed, loudly. Batman twitched.

“What is it, B?”

“Drills. Again.”

Tim rolled his eyes but moved to obey. Speaking to B these days was like speaking to a rather boorish caveman. Simple grunts and single word sentences. It didn't use to be like this but B was loosing his grip on his humanity and it’s Tim’s job to bring it back.

It’s hilarious because he’s the least human of them all. It was odd, juggling his duties as Danny Gotham, his responsibilities as Tim, and his workload as Bruce’s shiny new Robin. Somehow he made it work.

Yeah, sometimes B’s hands are heavy when they’re training. Sometimes he forgets Danny’s name (or at least his human name) and calls for Jason instead. Sometimes, he smells more like booze and less like Bruce.

Danny could handle it. Even if his core quivers with grief. He wished he didn’t have to, but he could and will handle whatever he needs to for his Knight to regain himself. But fuck, that doesn’t mean taking his self destructive habits lying down. He might be Tim right now, but as far as Batman knew, Tim was here on the orders of

“B.”

“Hm.”

Oh, a neutral grunt! I see we’ve upgraded to grunts instead of arm flapping! Holy detective, Batman! Aren’t I glad I learned to speak cave man? Wow! Tim mocked, in his head.

“You’re heading to bed when I’m done with this set,” Tim said.

“This case isn’t done,” Batman growled. Ancients, it was like speaking to a large chihuahua-toddler hybrid. All the barking, all the growling, and all the petulance of a child makes the entirety of how his Knight acted on a good day these days.

“That wasn’t a suggestion,” Tim shot back, sore arms and legs and everything working through the set. Thank the ancients for his healing, or else Tim might actually be dying.

“You don’t give me orders, Robin.”

“No, but Gotham does.” He would know, considering Tim was Gotham.

The head full of greasy- ew, take a shower, B!- hair swiveled towards him.

“You have a direct line to Gotham?”

Tim settled into the final forms of the night. “Gotham sent me. I thought we went over this.”

A beat of silence.

Batman returned to clacking away at the computer. Tim finished his set in relative peace. He moved to the cool down stretches while Batman sulked in front of his computer like a five year old.

“I’m done.” He said, crossing his arms.

“Hm.”

“That means you’re done, too.”

“I’m not tired.”

Tim rolled his eyes so hard, he thinks he saw the light. Oh, wait, that’s just Bruce’s last brain cell dying.

“You’re heading to bed. Good luck finding actual crime tomorrow, if you stay up.”

Batman stilled, because he knows Gotham would back Tim up on the threat. Considering the time sensitivity of some of these cases, Gotham’s anger is not something he could risk.

Tim patted himself on the back for effectively playing the good cop and the bad cop on his own. Except ACAB for life because they’re vigilantes and the GCPD as a whole (with exceptions) sucks ass.

He watched as Batman- as Bruce- reluctantly powered down the Bat-Computer. As he stood up, Tim wrinkled his nose.

“Never mind. You take a shower first. I’ll text Alfred.”

“Not necessary.”

“Okay, then you can explain to Gotham why you’re traipsing through his city looking a starved rat and smelling like you took a joy ride in Killer Croc’s excrement. Oh, wait.” Tim snapped, just about done being patient today. Tim whipped out his phone, texting Alfred with one hand and pointing towards the staircase with the other.

“Shower above ground, you weird little mole rat. No cave water for you.”

Bruce makes a weird offended grunt.

“I literally don’t care if you have to walk up to your room to shower in your boxers, B. Most of Gotham’s people don’t have access to a shower, let alone a million dollar bathroom. Fucking use your actual bathroom instead of hosing off.”

And with that, Batman and Bruce Wayne moved to the tune of a pre-teen, who was also, unknowingly to him, the spirit of his City.

——

“Go home.”

Tim smiled sweetly. Bruce paled. The scary, Gotham loved child patted Bruce’s hand as he sat beside Bruce’s bed.

“Sleep, before I make you.”

Bruce slammed his eyelids shut, anything to not look at Tim’s malicious looking eyes, and allowed himself- nay, forced himself- to rest for the first time in weeks since Jason died.

As Bruce’s dumb self drifted off to dreamland, Tim muttered, “Wuss.”

He settled himself into the chair, napping lightly to make sure Bruce doesn’t sneak out to work when he’s gone.

Alfred snapped a quick picture.

[biqherosix]

we’ve come a long way…

[ragingbookdragon]

My Brother's Best Friend Is The One For Me

Wally West x Batsis!Reader One-Shot

Word Count: 3.6K Warnings: Explicit Language

Author's Note: Got to rereading my Batsis fics and came across the "What A Flashy Romance" and wanted to do another one with Wally because I love him. Enjoy! -Thorne

Being the middle child and also the only girl in the Batfamily meant two things:

1. She had four brothers that treated her like a porcelain doll, despite the fact that she could throw a punch at 336 PSI.

And

2. She followed an unspoken rule that Dick and Jason’s friends were off limits when it came to dating.

In all, neither of those things were major problems. She’d learned at a young age how to avoid Dick and Jason’s overbearing-protective-brother-modes, and Tim and Damian were younger, so she didn’t have to worry about them. The second one was also avoidable—most of her older brothers’ friends were the same, and she wasn’t around most of them to develop any feelings.

Well, there was Wally, but it was just a crush. A stupid, little school-girl crush—that she’d never really grown out of—that didn’t matter in the slightest. Except whenever Dick brought him over to the house and she had to pretend that sitting next to him didn’t make her heart race like she’d run a mile.

And the most annoying thing about the whole crush is that she couldn’t tell if Wally was ever interested in her or not. Most of Dick’s friends, Garth, Kyle, Roy, they treated her like a little sister—hell, they even said “Love you lil sis!” to her regularly. And yet, Wally didn’t. Now, there was the occasional head pat, but even that was an affectionate gesture that siblings and SO’s did all the time. It was infuriating, and so was Wally—but she was going to sort it all out the next time he came over because the worst thing he could say was “No”, and either she needed to hear that…or “Yes��.

***

Normal Sundays for the Wayne household usually meant Ultimate Waffle Breakfast and sitting on your ass all day until patrol—it was the one day of the week where they could do anything and nothing and didn’t have to stick to schedules. Everyone loved Sundays, especially (Y/N), because it meant that all of her family was home, even Jason (who tried to deny that he enjoyed coming home to hang out, but if that mile long grin was any help, he was lying). And while everyone was home, that usually meant that everybody’s friends were coming over too.

***

She swiped the syrup out of Jason’s hand when he swung it back around, grinning at him when he glared at her.

“I was gonna use that, (Y/N),” he griped, and she shrugged, uncapping the bottle.

She tipped it over and watched the syrup lazily pour out of the container onto her waffles.

“You were taking too long.” Her eyes twinkled with humor. “I guess you were as…slow as molasses.”

While most of the table groaned at her terrible joke, Dick snorted into his milk, causing it to splatter on his plate and across the table.

“Nice one,” he coughed, wiping his face and the dark oak surface.

(Y/N) bowed dramatically. “Well, I did learn from the best.” When Dick’s face lit up, she turned to Alfred and smiled. “Alfie, thank you for teaching me your ways.”

The old butler merely tipped his head, a hidden smile crossing his lips at the way the eldest son’s jaw went slack. She turned her attention to Bruce who was quietly chewing, eyes following along the research paper she’d asked him to check out.

“Dad, what’s on your agenda for today?”

He swallowed and flicked a line out with a red pen, etching his own comment in the margin. “Lucius has a few ideas about some new gadgets he wanted to run by me.” Another line went out. “I’ll call him after breakfast.” Bruce looked at her. “You?”

(Y/N) nodded at the paper in his hands, then slapped Jason’s who was reaching over to take a piece of bacon from her plate. “Waiting for you to finish tearing me a new one so I can redo the paper.” She cut into the waffle with the side of her fork. “Once I salvage what little scientific dignity you’ve left me with, I’ll probably laze around.”

“You mean what you do normally?” Bruce quipped, grinning when she glowered at him; his eyes went back to her paper. “You’re doing well so far.”

She huffed. “Tell that to every red line you’ve marked out in that paragraph.”

He flashed the paper. “I’m writing in the margins how to change it. This isn’t a dissertation, sweetheart. You’re allowed to make mistakes. We all do.”

(Y/N) grumbled as her cheeks warmed and she went back to her plate as the conversation flowed around her.

Most of it was the discussion of what everyone was planning on doing, Damian was going to play video games, Tim was going to join him (which she knew was going to be fun while the moment lasted until the petty sibling rivalry got in the way and their gaming dwindled into a physical fight that she and probably Dick were going to have to break up), Jason was going to use the workbench in the cave to upgrade some gear, and Dick apparently,

“Wally and Garth are gonna come over later and hang out.”

She paused, mid-stab of her fork and looked at up. “Wally’s coming over?”

He nodded. “And Garth. We were gonna go to the mall and get some new clothes.”

Jason snorted, laying an arm over the backs of Tim and (Y/N)’s chairs. “Spending money with daddy’s credit card, Dickie?”

Dick smirked. “Just like you.” Jason merely matched his grin, and while the entire table was cracking up at Bruce’s frown, (Y/N) was silent, heart beating faster at the thought of seeing Wally.

“(Y/N)?” She startled and looked up at Dick.

“Huh?”

“I asked if you were okay. You got quiet all of the sudden.”

She smiled and shook her head. “Yeah, just thought about all of the corrections I’m gonna have to do because somebody CAN’T STOP MARKING OUT MY PARAGRAPHS.” Bruce merely smiled and knocked out another line.

It was a lie. It was the biggest lie she’d told right next to the one she told when Bruce had asked her where she was on prom night her senior year a few years ago—she was totally not saving a different sector of the universe with Kyle Rayner, she was dancing with Sam Reilly all night—she strongly believed her dad knew the truth—Batman knew everything.

Bruce handed the paper back to her and she groaned as she scanned the red lines on every page. It was going to take her hours to go over this.

Jason leaned over and read the title, “Cellular Division and Mutation Under Extreme Elemental Circumstances…a composition by (Y/N) Wayne.” He cocked a dark brow. “Go big or go home, huh, baby girl?”

(Y/N) hummed. “Doctor Halberd wanted us to pick challenging topics for the research paper this term.” A crooked smile crossed her lips. “I’m nothing if not ambitious about proving I’m smarter than everyone else.”

“You need another source,” Bruce murmured, sipping the steaming black coffee. “One-fourteen is good, but I’d go for one-fifteen.”

She groaned and dropped her head. “Are you kidding me? I had enough trouble gathering that many.”

“Why don’t you use Barry?” Tim piped up, mouth full of whip cream and strawberries.

“Master Timothy, we do not talk with our mouth full,” Alfred admonished, and Tim blushed.

(Y/N)’s head shot up and she stared at her brother. “That’s actually a good idea. Speedsters would make for perfect references about cellular division.” An idea popped into her head and she glanced at Dick. “And since Wally is com—”

“Nope,” Dick interrupted, pointing at her. “Wally is coming over to hang out, not to be poked and prodded to finish a paper.”

She let out a whine and turned to Bruce. “Dad, tell Dick to let me at least talk to Wally about it.”

Bruce turned his attention onto Dick. “Let your sister talk to Wally about her paper.”

“Oh, come on,” he complained and (Y/N) stood from her seat, hurrying around the table to stand behind Dick’s seat.

She draped herself over his shoulders, tucking her chin in the crook of his neck. “I promise I won’t be annoying if you let me come with you. I’ll ask two questions every thirty minutes and I’ll go do shopping on my own, so I won’t be in the way.” (Y/N) craned her neck and pulled the most pitiful puppy eyes she could. “Please?”

Dick’s eyes darted to her face and then he looked away. Just one more push.

“Please frate?” she begged and when his eyes went wide from the usage of his native tongue, she knew she’d won him over.

He deflated and let out a sigh. “Fine,” he grumbled. “You can come with us.”

(Y/N) squealed and pressed a kiss to his cheekbone, as she grabbed the paper and hurried towards the door. She halted and spun around, looking at her father.

“What do I need to be most specific about?”

“Division under elemental circumstances.”

She glowered at him. “No shit Sherlock. Specifics.”

“Molecular division under terrestrial gamma-ray flashes.”

“That’ll work,” (Y/N) nodded and exited to room.

Jason looked out the door then back to his brothers. “She’s way to excited about science sometimes.” They merely laughed.

***

She raised the red lace, cold shoulder V-neck shirt to her chest before frowning, and switching it with the full lace blue shirt with mini golden lightning bolt charms hanging off the trim. After a moment, she pulled the blue one down and sighed.

“You know, if you want to impress him, I’d wear the red shirt.”

She jumped and barely managed to suppress the scream that was coming up in her throat as she swiveled around to face her door. Jason stood in the doorway, a knowing look on his face. She could play this one of two ways: she could be truthful, or she could lie—she chose the latter.

“What do you mean?” He snorted and walked into her room, taking a seat at her desk.

“I mean if you’re trying to impress Wally, wear the shirt that’s the color of his suit, (Y/N).” She looked away and into the mirror, but she couldn’t escape the eyes boring into her back.

“Is it that obvious?” she asked quietly, and he laughed.

“That you’re head over heels for Dick’s best friend? Oh yeah. Totally.”

She sighed and sat on her bed, pulling the red top over her torso. “It’s just a crush.”

“Seems like more than a crush to me, baby girl.”

(Y/N) pulled the fabric down and looked at him. “Are you gonna tell Dick?”

Jason scoffed. “Do I look like a narc to you?”

She cocked a brow and deadpanned, “Just the other night you told dad that Damian lifted Two-Face’s wallet when he was being put in a cruiser.”

“Well, that wasn’t something important,” he countered and nodded at her. “This is.” He paused and shrugged. “Nah, I’m not gonna tell Dickhead. Play this out however you see fit, baby girl.”

(Y/N) stared at him for a moment then averted her gaze and let out a sigh; Jason huffed.

“That sounds like a heavy sigh, (Y/N). What’s wrong?”

She shrugged. “I don’t even know if Wally would be interested in me. He’s him and I’m me.”

Jason stood and walked over, kneeling in front of her. “Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

(Y/N) met his eyes. “Anytime he’s had a girlfriend she’s always been super strong or really outspoken.”

“And you’re not?” he quipped, causing her to huff.

“You know what I mean, Jay.”

He nodded. “Okay, so you’re not an Amazon or shoving your head up someone’s ass for a story. But you’re you.”

“And that means?”

“You’re the only daughter of the World’s Greatest Detective who’s a wicked smart science major by day and a badass vigilante by night.” He cupped her cheeks. “You are intelligent, warmhearted, talented, and absolutely beautiful.” Jason smushed her cheeks together and grinned as she giggled. “And if Wally doesn’t see any of what I just said, then he’s a damn fool and not worth your time. You hear me, baby girl?”

She nodded. “I hear you.”

Jason gave her a firm nod and let go, standing to his feet. “Now come on let’s go do your makeup.”

(Y/N) blinked. “You can do makeup?”

“Baby girl, I can do a lot of things. Now hurry up. That razor sharp eye liner and golden eyeshadow isn’t going to do itself.”

***

She waited beside Dick with a pleasant smile on her face, and despite the fluttering heartbeat in her chest, Jason’s pep talk kept running through her head and with every passing moment, she felt her confidence rising. He was right, if she told Wally and he didn’t feel the same, then it was his loss and her gain to move on and find someone else.

A black sedan pulled up at the manor and the passenger window rolled down, revealing Wally at the wheel and Garth in the passenger’s seat. Dick waved at them.

“Hey guys,” he greeted. “How was the drive over?”

“Oh, you know, we saw three carjacking’s and one armed robbery,” Garth quipped. “I assume that’s normal for Gotham though.”

“It’s a bit below average actually,” (Y/N) piped up. “Hi Garth. Hi Wally.”

Wally smiled and Garth waved in return as the two siblings started getting in the car.

“You’re coming with us, (Y/N)?” Wally questioned and she nodded.

“Do you want me to lie to you or give you the truth?”

He chuckled. “I’m always open for a good story.”

“I wanted to buy out Victoria’s Secret and piss off any boyfriends who are in hot water with their girlfriends.” The guys laughed and she admitted, “Truth though, I need one last source for a research paper.”

“Gonna find that source shopping?” Garth asked and (Y/N) caught Wally’s eyes in the rear-view mirror.

“Actually, my last source is Wally.”

They fell silent and looked at her, though the speedster’s focus was on the road.

“What are you gonna source Wally on?” The Atlantean inquired.

“My paper is over cellular mutation under distress from elemental conditions.” She smiled at Wally. “Our speedster here, is a walking subject perfect for the paper. I can only hope that he agrees to be a willing participant.”

Wally chuckled. “I’d be willing to part with a few secrets for you. Of course, I’d have to—”

“Remain anonymous.” (Y/N) winked. “I’m sure my professor would be okay with me citing ‘The Flash’ so long as I had a picture with him to back it up.”

“I like pictures,” he murmured, pulling into the parking lot.

“That’s good to know,” she replied and when he put the car in park, she took her purse and added, “So I’ll leave you boys to do your shopping and Wally, I’ll text you any questions I have.”

“You’re not gonna hang around?” Garth asked and she shook her head.

“Nah, I don’t wanna be the annoying little sister who follows her older brother and his friends around.” She smiled at them. “Besides, Dick was kind enough to let me come along. Least I can do is stay out of your way.”

(Y/N) opened the door and waved at them. “Text me when you’re ready to leave and I’ll meet you back here.”

***

Despite the initial joke that she was going to buy out the lingerie store, there was actually some truth in the statement, and she drew her fingers over one of the lace baby dolls as she looked at her phone, grinning like a dope at Wally’s response.

Well, I wouldn’t say I’d grow a second skin from how fast my cells regenerate, but I can make my body heal instantaneously. -W

Can you regenerate limbs or major organs? –(Y/I)

Major organs or useful ones? -W

(Y/N) paused at his response and thought for a moment. It was risky. Sending the text, she was thinking about was risky, but it’d sure get her point across that she was into him. With her heart hammering in her chest, she pushed send and stuck her phone in her pocket.

Whichever ones are useful to you, Wally? ;) –(Y/N)

Her phone didn’t buzz for a good minute, and Wally took less than a second to reply, so he was doing one of two things: A.) Telling Dick that his younger sister sent a flirty text, or B.) Trying to figure out how to let her down easy. (Y/N) didn’t know which one was worse. Her hip buzzed and she inhaled shakily, pulling her phone out of her pocket with one eye cracked open to see how screwed she was.

Do you have a useful one in mind, beautiful? -W

She had to clamp a hand over her mouth to keep from letting out the biggest gasp any human had ever made, and she nervously looked around her to make sure no one else was staring at her. She grinned as she replied to him.

Oh, I could think of one…or two or three…Why? Is there gonna be a pop quiz over this later? I’ll have you know I’m an excellent test taker. –(Y/N)

Is that so? Well, what happens if you were to fail this particular pop quiz, (Y/N)? -W

I guess you’d have to stay the night for a study session and help me make a better grade ;) –(Y/I)

As she waited for another response, someone’s hand touched the small of her back and she reacted, immediately stepping away from the offending touch to spin on them. Her eyes went wide when she saw Wally standing before her, a grin on his face, phone in his hand.

“I think an overnight study session is possible, (Y/N).”

Her mouth opened and closed repeatedly, like a fish until she finally got her brain to work and asked, “I thought you were shopping with Dick and Garth?”

He shrugged. “Told Dick you asked me an advanced question that’d be easier to answer in person than over text.” He wiggled his brows. “You know, advanced equations and scientific gibberish.”

(Y/N) huffed a laugh and turned back around, trying to ignore the heat in her cheeks as she picked up one of the teddies. And when she realized what it looked like, she only felt more flustered. Crimson with baby blue trimming and was practically a shoelace.

“Well, that’sa hint if there ever was one,” Wally quipped, and she pulled the lingerie out of his line of sight.

“It was just the first one I grabbed!” she exclaimed, snapping her mouth shut when people looked over at them. Her cheeks felt like they were wildfires, and she pressed her head against the cool metal of the rack, sighing with what little relief it provided.

“You know, (Y/N),” he started softly. “If you’re not comfortable, this doesn’t have to go anywhere. I can forget this ever happened if you want me to.” (Y/N) opened her eyes and peered at him, at the concern but also the kindness in his gaze.

“I just—” she murmured and trailed off before letting out a sigh. “It’s kinda complicated.”

“Okay,” Wally nodded. “My mouth might work faster than my brain sometimes but lay it on me.”

She cracked a smile and thought back on Jason’s words. If Wally doesn’t see any of what I just said, then he’s a damn fool and not worth your time.

(Y/N) took a deep breath and looked at him, admitting, “Wally, I have…feelings for you.” His eyes widened and though she felt the sting of embarrassment, she pushed out her words. “It’s stupid, like one of those dumb childhood crushes that just sticks with you, you know?”

She averted her gaze and looked at her peep toe heels. “I just don’t wanna screw anything up because even if you don’t feel anything like I do, I don’t wanna lose you as a friend. Because I do value your friendship.” She sighed. “And Dick. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable about coming over to see him if there’s a chance you’ll have to see me too. I just—”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Wally interrupted gently, a smile growing on his face. “You’re thinking way big here, (Y/N). Bigger than you need to right now.”

She met his eyes. “Right now?” she repeated, and he reached out, taking her hand in his. His fingers felt tingly against her palm and he smiled.

“I like you, (Y/N).”

She blinked at him, practically dumbfounded. “You…you do?”

Wally nodded and confessed, “Have for a couple years, but I didn’t wanna make a move not knowing if you were interested.” His cheeks tinged pink, and he said, “But I’m glad you are. Like super glad.” (Y/N) giggled, suddenly feeling really foolish for all her worry and Wally let out a chuckle too.

She stared at him for a moment, relishing the coolness of his skin before pulling away, toying with the teddy in her other hand.

“So, about tonight…you staying over?”

Wally let out a groan and looked between her and the lingerie. “Probably, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to get away long enough to spend some time alone with you.”

(Y/N) let out a ‘pfft’ and winked. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out, Flash. You are the fastest man alive.”

“You’re into quickies? Good to know,” he grinned.

“Shut up,” she giggled.

[theskywaslookingback]

jongerrymartintimsasha au you say?

Okay I’m home now and not entirely braindead yet so here we go:

For starters you need to understand how my brain works. With many AUs I just recycle the same headcanons over and over so it just becomes a mashup of whatever things vibe for me the most. So imagine in one hand I have my visible world au (the jgm one) and in the other hand I have the jgt au and then I clap my hands together and BAM! New AU!

So this would be - timeline wise - after Jon, Gerry, and Tim had left university. Jon has a job teaching at said university, Gerry’s degree is in library science and he hasn’t found a position yet so he’s currently working full time at the bar he’d been working in during uni, and Tim is working in a publishing office really close to Jon’s work. So every morning Jon and Tim stop by at this little cafe near Tim’s job to get coffee before work because Tim actually likes coffee and Jon is NOT a morning person and relies on the caffeine. Here we introduce Martin and Sasha who are both baristas that usually end up working the morning shift.

Now, my roommate was a barista and I happen to know every coffee shop AU in the world is a fucking LIE. These places are busy as shit and they don’t have time to stop and gossip with every customer that comes in, okay. And they will hate your guts for trying to flirt when they’re BUSY. BUT one thing that is true is that if you’re either a) really nice or b) an asshole then baristas are sure to remember you. And Jon and Tim just happen to be one really nice guy and one asshole! So Martin and Sasha remember them and sometimes have their regular orders ready to go before they even come in.

Anyway Martin gets this huge crush on Jon just as like a “hey he’s really cute even if he’s kind of rude” kind of thing and Sasha teases him RELENTLESSLY about it even though SHE has a crush on TIM. 

But whatever they’re not gonna, like, do anything about it because that would be weird? Right Sasha? I’m mean, they’re probably dating I’m pretty sure I heard Tim call Jon “love” the other day so probably and- (take a breath, Martin)

Meanwhile! Gerry comes by sometimes in the afternoon because Tim says they have the best pastries and Jon is always going on about how good the tea Martin makes is on the occasions where Jon gets tea on his way home and Martin is working. And he has some hours to waste so he brings his laptop and just kind of chills there and he’s intrigued when he hears one of them mention one of his partners. And then he finds out that Martin thinks Jon has nice hands (he does) and Sasha thinks Tim has a pretty mouth (he absolutely does) and Gerry “actual fucking menace and resident shit stirrer” Keay is like “oh I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but I actually live with them and would you maybe want to come over for game night sometime? A couple of our friends haven’t been able to make it recently and Jon’s been meaning to start a new D&D campaign I mean, only if it’s not weird.”

And Sasha is super into it! Yes! Let’s go Martin itll be fun!

And Martin is like absolutely not Sash he could be a serial killer.

So Sasha does the only “sensible” thing here and takes Gerry’s number, and when Jon stops by on his way from work she asks him about it.

Of course Jon fucking blue screens for a minute because he’s like “literally what is Gerry up to” but he hesitantly is like yes that’s all true and actually yeah it’d be lovely if you came.

So they become friends. And they keep hanging out. Tim and Sasha first because their schedules end up aligning best out of everyone’s, but then Jon and Martin too. Martin and Sasha like to do things with Jon that Tim and Gerry don’t usually like long trips to museums or art shows. Sasha becomes Jon’s theater buddy because APPARENTLY Martin doesn’t like theater either, the traitor. 

And at some point they talk about it and Jon is like “oh no I really really like Martin” and Tim is like “yeah I really really like Sasha” and so they end up upgrading to five. Explaining the way it works to other people would end up with like a chart and a power point slide (which Jon DOES have prepared, thank you) but it works for them and that’s all that matters. 

Basically they all end up living in a house together with two dogs and a cat and they all love each other in different ways and it’s beautiful and messy and makes me want to cry. 

[kumeko]

For @dickgraysonexchange2020, for courage_boss! I had a lot of fun with this one.

Prompt: Dick gets a coupon book for his bday and uses all but the last one.

…

…

…

…

If there was one good thing about Bruce Wayne’s string of adoptions, it was that events were never a quiet affair. No matter how much Jason or Damian might have wanted them to be. Dick, on the other hand, embraced the fullness of the manor. The place felt too empty and stuffy on a normal day, what with most of the family out and about.

 It was only for special days, like his birthday, that everyone gathered together again. Between his friends and family, every room felt full, the manor bursting with sound and life. A far cry from the dreary dinners when it had just been the three of them, with Bruce awkwardly figuring out parenting and Alfred kindly filling in the gaps.

 Walking around with a slice of cake, Dick spotted Alfred and grinned. He meandered over. “Alfred, one of these days, you’re going to realize just how much you’d make running a restaurant.”

 Alfred chuckled. “Perhaps, Master Richard, but the last time I left, the manor collapsed.” His expression was fond. “It’s too much work fixing it after.”

 “That…” Dick couldn’t even argue. Anytime Alfred left on vacation, sabbatical, whatever, nothing went right. The kitchen burned. Bruce forgot to eat or sleep. Mold and dust became new tenants. “It’s all a ploy to keep you here longer.”

 “Then it is certainly working.” His smile looked more amused than weary. “You certainly do keep me on my toes.”

“Dick!” Tim poked his head out of the study. Spotting him, he gestured for him to come. “Got a sec?”

 “It’s only a party,” Dick teased, nodding to Alfred before going. “Not like I have anything important to miss.”

 Tim rolled his eyes. “You could have been talking to someone.” Despite his cavalier words, his cheeks reddened from embarrassment.

 Dick didn’t press the matter, storing it away instead for later teasing. “What’s up?” he asked as he stepped into the study.

 There was no such thing as a small room in the Wayne manor. Yet, crowded with Damian, Cassandra, Tim, Bruce, and Jason, the study suddenly felt cozy. Dick grinned, unable to help himself. “The whole gang’s here!”

 Jason clicked his teeth. “Let’s get it over with.”

 “For once, I agree with the failure,” Damian added, crossing his arms.

 “Aww, don’t be like that.” Dick sidled up to them, planting himself in between. Before they could react, he loped an arm around their shoulders. “You both came, after all.”

 “I made sure of it,” Bruce said simply. Dick wasn’t sure what that entailed. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to.

 Damian squawked. “I didn’t—”

 “Don’t you—” Jason growled, tossing off Dick’s arm.

 “We got you a gift!” Tim interrupted, before a fight could erupt. He held out a small, neatly wrapped box. The wrapping paper and ribbon were a soft blue, matching his Nightwing costume. “Everyone chipped in.”

 “Chipped in?” Dick reluctantly let go of the two to accept. Ignoring how Damian and Jason immediately escaped to the other side of the room, he carefully pulled the ribbons and unwrapped. What could it possibly be, if everyone chipped in and it was so tiny? Tickets? A gadget? A thick wad of cash?

 Oddly enough, none of those. Instead there was a small book inside, roughly the size of a chequebook. Scrawled neatly on the top was Coupons.

 “A coupon book?” Confused, he looked up at Tim. “You guys chipped in for a coupon book?”

 “Look inside,” Tim encouraged, his smile so wide it nearly split his face in half.

 “Okay…” Still bemused, he quickly flipped through the pages. Defeat your enemies. Do a chore. Take the night off. Massage. The writing differed from page to page, from Damian’s neat, cramped writing to Cassandra’s messy flowing one. Most of them were made by Tim though, and they were of course all the normal ones.

 It was better than anything he’d imagined. Feeling utterly soft, he quickly hugged Tim. “Thanks.” Without missing a beat, he pounced on Damian and Jason. Despite their protests, they didn’t squirm out of his grip. Finally, he rounded on Cass and Bruce, both of which hugged him back awkwardly, as though they weren’t sure quite how.

 “I can’t believe you made this,” he said, finally untangling himself.

 “Well, considering everything we have, it’s hard to buy gifts.” Tim shrugged. “Steph had the idea, actually.”

 Well, that made sense. She always had the fun, interesting ideas.  Dick made note to thank her later. “I can’t believe you two agreed to this,” he said, looking at Damian and Jason.

 “A little strong arming from Cass,” Tim explained.

 “I did not get threa—” Damian protested, glaring at Tim. Hopefully this didn’t lead to the two of them stabbing each other in the batcave later. Then again, there was a clean the batcave ticket too, maybe he could have them clean up after their mess.

 “I did not have to…convince Damian,” Cassandra replied stiffly. Despite how much time had passed, words were still her second most fluent language. “He was…agreeing to this.”

 “Really?” Jason guffawed.

 “That’s because no one can strong arm me,” Damian growled, his lips curling into a sneer as he glared at Jason. “And that means she did strong arm you.”

 “Stop,” Bruce warned, rubbing his forehead. “We’re in the middle of a party.”

 “Oh, don’t worry, I have that covered.” Dick whistled as he flipped through the coupon book, stopping at one of them. Tearing it out, he grinned. “Now, one of you two has to compliment me…who should I pick?”

 -x-

 “You…want me to cook?” Cassandra’s brow furrowed as she stared at the little slip of paper in her hands.

 “More or less.” Dick grinned as he led the way to his kitchen. His apartment was a small thing compared to the manor, but it was home, and there was something energizing about having someone over. If there was one thing he loved about the coupon book above all else, it was that it gave him an excuse to invite his far-flung family over.

 She cocked her head, still looking troubled. “I am not…good at it.”

 “That’s fine!” Dick hummed as he pulled out two aprons from his cupboard, handing one over to her. “As long as it’s edible.”

 “You…have one too?” Cassandra awkwardly stared at the bird-print apron, then at him.

 Laughing, he slowly put it on, demonstrating how to tie it all together. He should have expected that; his family was more comfortable fighting than they were in the kitchen, and it showed. “Yeah, we’ll cook together. It’s more fun that way, right?”

 Cassandra smiled, a small thing, and nodded. “Yes.”

 -x-

 Standing next to the old grandfather clock, Bruce crossed his arms. Honestly, he didn’t need to wear a mask to intimidate; his scowl was more than enough to scare off any random two-bit goon. “This isn’t what they were intended for.”

 Despite his words, he still hadn’t opened the passage to the batcave, and Dick considered that victory. It at least meant that Bruce was willing to hear him out. Holding out the paper, he shook his head. “How? I’m using them.”

 Bruce’s frown grew deeper. “Dick, that is supposed to be a night off for you.”

 “No, it just says night off.” Honestly, Bruce should have known better: Dick loved arguing semantics. Finding loopholes in Bruce’s rules was what he lived for. “So I’m giving you a night off.”

 “I—”

 “Babs and the Birds of Prey agreed to cover.” Dick pressed the coupon on Bruce’s chest confidently. “You’re not in the middle of a case. Perfect time for a night in.”

 “Dick…” Bruce ran a hand through his hair. Another push and he’d cave in. “Look, I appreciate it, but…”

 “Master Richard, Master Bruce.” Alfred stepped into the room and while Dick would never accuse him of something as underhanded as eavesdropping, the timing was suspect. “I have prepared the living room for your marathon. Master Timothy and Miss Cassandra are already there, though Master Damian has refused to join.”

 “Et tu, Alfred?” Bruce sighed, giving in. “Fine, but drag Damian down too, Dick. He’s not allowed to worm his way out.”

 “The if I go down, he goes down with me gambit.” Dick grinned. “I got it covered.”

 -x-

 Tim stared at the fruity mocktail he was holding, worrying his bottom lip. “I don’t think this is what Jason had in mind.”

 “I never go by what Jason has in mind,” Dick countered, drinking his own cocktail. Sipping from his ridiculously curly straw, he leaned back in his seat. “It’s always more fun that way.”

 “That’s…true,” Tim reluctantly agreed, surveying the rest of the batcave.

 Honestly, there couldn’t be anything better than relaxing by the computer, eating popcorn, and watching Damian and Jason handle all of the cleaning. Sure, they had automated robots and machines to handle this. This chore had been struck from the list years ago, after Bruce had upgraded the whole cave.

 Yet, sometimes Dick just wanted to see things done the old-fashioned way. Like Jason washing the batcar. Or Damian scrubbing the costumes. Both of them were quietly swearing as they worked, occasionally shooting him a dirty glare. He didn’t have to read their minds to know he’d have to watch his sleep for the next week; if they could murder him, they would.

 “Don’t forget the bat droppings,” he added cheerfully.

 If he was going to die young, might as well go out with a bang.

  -x-

 Dick sighed as he stared at the coupon book. In the span of a month, he’d managed to use almost all thirty of them, most of them in the most frivolous way possible. He didn’t regret it; it had been fun. No matter what ridiculous thing he came up with, his family had done it. Begrudgingly, at times, but they’d still done it.

 The whole thing had given them so many excuses to hang out, no matter what else was going on in their lives. And now it was all over. All he had left was a single Do whatever you say for a day ticket. One last one and the gift would be done.

 He sighed again. This gift was far too precious to use on a passing whim. Carefully, he folded up that last coupon, tucking it in securely into his wallet. Dick would save it for the best opportunity, for the final memory that couldn’t be replaced. A rainy day when he needed a pick-me-up.

 More importantly, it literally would force someone to do whatever he said for a day. Power like that had to be considered before he used it.

[her-world-on-fire]

Safety {Tim Drake x Reader}

MASTERLIST REQUEST HERE

Prompts: 01. Or else what? 

Word Count: 2841

“Get to bed, now.” Bruce had just come in from a long night. He stepped into the mansion and did a sweep of it. He approached Tim’s room his door was close but a sliver of light shone through, Tim was working himself to death, again. He opened the door and watched Tim as he sat hunched over his desk, vigorously sketching, his room was dark. Only the work light illuminated his desk, he seemed to want to forget about everything besides his work. His room reeked of coffee, a thermos of Iced black coffee was beside him. He seemed to have not heard Bruce, no signs of comprehension made Bruce repeat himself. This time Tim stopped for a moment, “ Or else what?” He teased, he didn’t really want to back talk, Bruce. He was just stalling, he wanted a few more minutes, he needed to pitch his designs to Lucius soon. He insisted his tech needed to be upgraded, Bruce chuckled. Tim was unaware of the cards he could play. He decided to be cheeky. He crossed his arms over his chest and stood in the doorway amused, Tim still didn’t dare to face him. “Maybe I’ll give a call to your special friend's parents? I’m sure they don’t know about-”

In an instant, Tim slammed his book shut, and turned to Bruce. He nodded quickly, “Okay okay I get it.” After all, it was a school night. He didn’t want Tim to miss again. Sometimes, he forgot to sleep somehow and would sleep through his alarms. By the time he woke up, school was almost out. Then he had to play catch up. Add on patrol, Tim was drowning in responsibility. He refused to accept that he couldn’t do it all himself. He shut off his work lamp and stumbled to his bed. Satisfied, Bruce shut his door. Almost instantaneously Tim felt like, he needed to go to school. It didn‘t feel like hours, it felt like seconds, He regretted staying up so late. He pulled himself together and grabbed his thermos. He shook it and was glad he still heard ice. He took a sip while he grabbed his backpack. 

He didn’t flinch at the bitterness, not anymore. There was a time when Tim Drake wouldn’t be caught dead drinking black coffee. That was before junior year. SAT, ASVAB, CAASP they wrecked him, and he never looked back. Now a senior, he was immune. College applications had taken him by surprise, now it was getting later. He pushed them away 1st semester, now he needed to finish them up. He went to the library, he had a lot of free time since he has exceeded his credits. The librarian greeted him as he walked in, he gave her a tired smile. The Hispanic woman shook her head at him, “Please get more sleep mijo.” He chuckled and nodded. He looked up and met eyes with her assistant. 

I met eyes with Tim and turned away. He stood me up again, he was supposed to tutor me and kept me waiting at a coffee shop for an hour. I pushed my cart, and he jogged up to me. “I’m sorry about last night. Family emergency.” He said and I bit my lip, how could I be mad at that? Still, he could’ve told me. I nodded, not looking at him. I knew I would give in again. This wasn’t the first reschedule. He seemed to have an excuse every time. “If you don’t want to hang out just tell me, please. I waited an hour yesterday like an idiot-”

“Please. I’m sorry, I didn’t have a choice. How can I make it up to you?” I looked at him in search of sincerity. Instead, I saw a bruise across his face. My eyes widened in concern and he quickly looked away. I followed him and faced him, looking at him once again. “Jesus, Tim. Bruised again? What do you do punch yourself in your sleep?” I commented, he rolled his eyes. I reached for his face and held it up to the light studying it closely. I took my hand back and sighed, “Take care of yourself.” 

He took a few books from the cart and looked at the spine. He began putting it back in place, he reached for another, “I am. It’s nothing to worry about. Really.” I wasn’t convinced but I didn’t argue. “Are you still mad?” He asked and I sighed, he had come all this way. If he wasn’t sorry he wouldn’t apologize. He wouldn’t reschedule in the first place, it must’ve been a coincidence. I shook my head, “That was more important.”

Then I turned to him swiftly, he seemed unfazed and gave me a look. I brought my hand over my mouth, he waited for me to speak. “What’s going on?” I rubbed the back of my neck, “Senior pictures,” His eyes went wide, he did not need his senior photos to show evidence of his nightly activities. He had the appointment scheduled for the next day. How could he have forgotten? “It’s fine I can fix it. Afterschool we can pick up some concealer. You’ll be good as new.” 

Afterschool Tim found me. I took him to the mall, and we found him the right shade. I drove us to his house, Alfred greeted us as we walked in. We went to his room, he shut the door as I got on his bed. “Can you open your curtains for light?” I asked and began taking primer and concealer. He opened them and joined me. “Sit facing me,” I told him, and he obeyed, however, height difference proved a problem. He wasn't close enough. “This is unfortunate,” I said and he gave me a look. “What’s wrong?” He asked concerned, I scratched my eyebrow, “Could I- Do you mind if?” I stuttered and he smiled, “Just spit it out.” He laughed.

“Can I sit on your lap?” 

He was surprised, a blush crept on his cheeks. “It’ll just be for a moment to-” He shook his head and held out his hands. “It’s fine.” I looked at him for a moment and scooted closer. He put his arms around my waist and guided me onto his lap. Once we were situated I began, “So, how did you get this?” His response came almost rapidly. “Jason. He got a little carried away teaching me to box.” His breathing was even, so he was either an expert liar or he was telling the truth. I looked him in the eyes and he held his ground. I coked my head to the side, “So if it was anything else you’d tell me right?” I tried to guilt him, he chuckled before he could reply his door swung open. He let out a deep breath like he was relieved. I didn’t get to think about it further because Jason began talking.

“I’m not even going to ask.” It was Tim’s older brother Jason. Out of context, we were in an intimate position. The makeup was on the other side of me out of his line of sight. Tim only had primer on, so it didn’t seem like I was doing his makeup. I went to move off his lap but he put his hand on the small of my back, “What do you want Jason?” Jason smirked and crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against Tim’s door frame. “Well actually, I was going to ask for my hoodie back.” Tim rolled his eyes and then removed his hand, and began bringing it to the hem of the sweater. My heart rate increased, I soon realized he was wearing nothing under. It took everything in me not to gape at him. He tossed it to Jason and caught it and shot a wink my way making my face feel hot. Jason shut the door and I looked down. 

Once again I brought my hand to my mouth. All across his chest, there were scars. I reached out they were deep and scattered. I looked at Tim perplexed and his face gave way. That’s why he took it off. He wanted me to see his scars. “If it was anything else, I would tell you if I could.” From what I gathered, he wanted to tell me but couldn’t. I began recalling the incidents of his bruised face, and then I thought of Jason. His older brother Dick. I remembered bringing up the vigilantes I had seen in the news and Tim brushing it off. “I did get this bruise from Jason. He’s not very forgiving. I am, I think everyone can change.” He always carried a backpack, or case which I always chalked up to his laptop. I climbed off of him and went to his backpack, it was sitting under his desk. I pulled it out and unzipped it. Inside was a black and red armored tunic along with a utility belt. 

“You’re Robin.” I put his bag back down and walked to him again, “Jason is Red Hood. He got carried away and you tried to stop him.” He bowed his head, “I couldn’t tell you. Bruce swears us to secrecy. But I also knew I couldn’t keep lying to you. I don’t want to lose you.” I set his bag down and sat on his bed. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. His childhood had been taken away and he was shoved into secrecy. He had to protect everyone else that's why he dosen’t know how to take care of himself. “What if Bruce finds out?”

“I am willing to deal with those consequences. You’re more important than all of this.” 

“Thank you.” Tim cocked his head to the side and waited for me to elaborate. My heart broke, it was like he had never been appreciated. His mother died, and then his father was paralyzed, not to mention the resentment he felt. Bruce and Tim had become so close it was hard for him. I had heard little bits of what it was like living with Bruce. Tim was left to fend for himself. Bruce was gone by day at Wayne Enterprises, and he was left to do whatever he wanted. If he wasn’t reminded of the time of day he would forget to eat and just work. 

As soon as he got from school he would usually work on a project or school work until nightfall. Once he got back he would tend to any wounds and clean up then get back to work. Jason had given him a mini fridge which made Dick furious. It was filled with energy drinks and he didn’t even have to leave his room. “You go out there every night to keep everyone safe.” 

He made it seem like it didn’t matter that he was risking his life every night. He couldn’t imagine not patrolling every night. There was a knock on the door and Tim knew it was Alfred “Come in Alfred.”Dick had the decency to knock. Although Dick would knock then enter. Alfred waited until he was given permission. “Master Tim, Bruce would like to see you downstairs. I can see your friend out.” Tim stood up and I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder. “Actually, can you tell Bruce I’ll be down in a second? I think it’s only fair I walk Y/N out.” The corner of Alfred’s lips turned up, “Very well Mr. Drake.” 

Tim kept to his word and walked me out I got in my car and heard a motorcycle. Jason, sure enough, he pulled up next to me. I turned on the car and rolled down the window. He pulled his helmet off, and his piercing blue eyes looked into mine. “Leaving so soon?” He teased, “Did we scare you off?” I shook my head, “Bruce wanted to talk to Tim.” He hummed and put his helmet in his lap amused. “I presume I’ll be seeing you around a lot more.” He winked and I looked away, “It was nice meeting you, Jason.” He nodded, and put his helmet and sped off.  

He disappeared as quickly as he appeared. Just as I was about to pull out of the manor my sister called. “Hey what’s up?” I asked as I began to back out. There was loud music and I sighed. I already knew where this was going. “How hammered are you?” I heard giggling on the line, “What? I’m fine I just need a nap and some coffee.” 

“Do not move, I’ll be there in a few.” I hated when she pulled this on me. She was an adult for god sakes. Still, I was always there for her because I knew she would do the same. On a normal day, it would be a 30-minute drive I was going to cut it down to 10. She always made me nervous, she was so venerable. She was just like how I imagined her. She was sitting on the curb still clutching a drink. I turned off the car and rushed out. A man was talking to her, I glared at him and he seemed to get the message. I tossed her drink and helped her to the car. I put her in the back seat and she began mumbling. “I left my purse!” She exclaimed and moved to get up. I pushed her down, “I’ll get it, stay here.” I locked the car and went into the bar. It was almost empty considering it was a Wednesday night. 

I searched and couldn't find it. She’ll be too drunk to care to check. I walked back to the car and bumped into someone. I mumbled a quick apology and pushed past him. Before getting in the car I looked in the back seat again to make sure my sister didn’t wander off. I breathed a sigh of relief when I found her still passes out in the backseat. I looked in the window and saw the same man from earlier. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumbled. I ducked down as he reached for me, I tried to get to the driver door but he wrapped his arms around my waist. I struggled and dug my elbows into his ribs and stomped on his feet. He let me go and I sprinted, He banged on the car doors and I quickly locked them. I drove off as fast as I could. I couldn’t help but look in the mirror. I saw nothing and tried to calm my breathing down. Did he really want my sister that badly?  

I almost ran a red light, honking snapped me back into my thoughts. I looked back and my sister was still out. The rest of the way home was calm. The struggle began when I had to get her in her room. I threw myself onto my bed, and sighed. I sat up and went to get in the shower. I lifted up my shirt and saw a few bruises around my arms. I didn’t want to think about it anymore so I just finished my shower and got dressed. I heard a knock on my window. t began opening, and I let out a sigh of relief. “Oh my god it’s you.” Tim cocked his head to the side, “Are you okay?” I nodded and closed my eyes, “I’m fine.” He came closer shaking his head. “No you’re not.”

He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a hug. I looked at at him, he pulled back and took his hands in mine. He looked down and pulled my arm closer, “What happened here?” His eyes showed genuine concern, and I told him the story. “God I’m sorry. I should’ve-” He bowed his head and I grabbed his chin and made him look into my eyes. “Tim, I’m fine. I promise.” He stood up abprutly, “Where was this?” I grabbed his arm and stood in front of him. “Please, I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want to be alone right now.” He sighed, and pulled me back into a hug. He kissed the top of my head, and stroked my hair. “I’ll tell Demon spawn to cover for me.” He sat on my bed and pulled out his phone and typed a quick text. He gestured for me to come and I stood in front of him. He chuckled and grabbed my waist and pulled me into his lap. “This feels famillar.” He leaned in and kissed me. “I’ll always be here for you.” 

I smiled, “Thank you, Tim.” He pulled me into bed, and we got comfotable. I cured up and put my head on his chest. He put his arm around me and stroked my hair. The last thing I remember was his soft humming.

[dickie-gayson]

Hello! Request: one of the Batboys faking sick to get out of something (my first thought was a gala/party but anything you can come up with is fine). Bonus points if it spirals out of control a bit and everyone is worried so they're benched from patrol / forced to rest for several days.

Thank you for the request! Sorry for the wait, here it is! Idk which batboy you were hoping for but I chose Luke Fox bcus he never gets any love lmfao tho the others do pop up, specifically Jason and Tim.

Luke Fox hated galas. He hated damn near everything about them, from the boring music to the too-expensive food and the elitists and sycophants crawling all over the place. Bruce Wayne's galas? The Worst. There was never more an ostentatious and wasteful display of wealth than when Bruce decided to play up the 'Brucie Wayne' role. Luke knew Bruce hated galas just as much as he did and would much rather spend both his time and money on more useful endeavors, but he needed to keep the charade up. That was why Bruce was throwing some sort of event tonight. Luke was determined to get out of it.

Could any really blame him? He's had more than his fair share of galas growing up as the son of Lucius Fox, friend of Bruce Wayne himself. One would think the annoying patrons would overlook Luke in favor of Bruce, any of his wards, or Lucius, but one would be wrong. See, Luke was a world-famous boxer and mma fighter, not to mention an early graduate of MIT with double degrees. Anyone with working eyes and even half a brain cell could see the potential in the man. So, they all but attacked him with fervor only found in those looking to climb the social ladder and elevate their status. He hated that.

It was a real test of self-control not to knock them all out. Luke doubted Lucius or Bruce would appreciate that. Or Gordon, come to think of it. After all, Luke technically was considered a living weapon due to his extensive, and public, physical training. Hell, Alfred might even be disappointed, and that was something he couldn't stand to do to the aging butler. So, instead of resorting to suplexing someone through a table as he would like to, he figured he'd just not go. Only problem was, his father was expecting him to be there. His father and the various members of the bat-clan who were also forced into going to the hellish event. So, Luke would have to get crafty.

Coming up with a plan was simple enough. He'd just fake sick. Executing that plan was trickier, given the fact that he was surrounded by fucking super-geniuses and detectives. Luke was betting none of the other bats and birds were going to let him off the hook so easily. If one suffered, they were all suffering. He could think of it as a sort of training exercise. If he could fool them, then he was doing great. If he failed? Well, he'd be in for some shit. But hey, the reward outweighed the risk in this case.

Tampering with the thermometer was childs play. When it was to be used, it'd display a temperature between 100.3 to 101.4; sick but not hospital-worthy. The fluctuation in temperatures helped keep the act realistic. He made up a list of symptoms to keep him down and out without being too worrying. Once they all left, he was homefree. It was just a matter of making it all believable. His only real godsend was that he didn't spend too much time around the others for them to know how he acted when ill.

As the time ticked closer to the gala, he knew it was time to get the show on the road. Luke laid on his couch, just in case someone decided to spring through his window because no one knew how to use the damn door. He was forced to get up, however, when there was a knock on his door. With a drawn out groan, the hero shuffled his way to the door, already getting into the role.

When he swung the door open, he was met with the site of his father, dressed to the nines, and staring at him critically. That was definitely unnerving. The Bats weren't the only geniuses. Lucius was quick as a whip and observant as all hell. Not to mention, he raised Luke. Tricking him was a feat. A feat he's completed before, but a feat nonetheless.

"And why aren't you ready for the gala? Don't tell me, you're sick."

The arch of his brow and deadpan stare Luke was getting let him know just how little he was fooling his father. Well, he better amp up his game then. He's fought harder fights than this. Luke made sure to make it seem as if he were shivering despite the warm temperature. He swallowed thickly then winced as if in pain. When he spoke, he tried to make it scratchy and quiet to really sell the whole 'sore throat' bit. Damn, maybe he should have went to Juliard, he was a natural.

"Yeah, sorry dad. I woulda called but I was sleeping. This is one hell of a bug, I don't wanna get you sick."

Lucius just made a low 'mhm' sound as he looked Luke over head-to-toe. The hero kept his posture somewhat hunched. Before his father could interrogate him, Tim appeared next to the older man, dressed to impress. He too looked over the clearly underdressed vigilante with intense scrutiny. There was a sharp look in his blue eyes that said he was not letting Luke get away if he was lying. That made Luke gulp, but for an entirely different reason than faking a sore throat.

"Sick?"

Luke gave an affirmative noise, not wanting to talk more than necessary. Sometimes less was better and all that jazz. That dissecting look only intensified as Tim took in his posture, rumpled pajamas, and 'shivering'. The senior hero gave him an almost cocky tilt of the head as he spoke.

"We should take your temperature, just to be sure it's not too severe."

'Check and mate.' Luke moved slightly to let them into his apartment. Tim made a beeline for his medicine cabinet. The fact that he didn't need to tell Tim where his medical equipment was kept was only moderately unsettling. Luke shifted and then shuddered. To say he was nervous was an understatement. Fooling both Lucius and Tim would be worthy of a damn trophy in his opinion. Only a moment later, Tim was back, thermometer in hand.

It was the moment of truth as he stuck the thermometer in Luke's mouth. What Luke didn't count on was Tim checking his pulse as he waited for the readout on his temperature. Well, shit, that wasn't part of his plan. Tim only made an ambiguous hum before taking the thermometer and reading it.

"101.2, slightly elevated heart rate, a mild cold sweat. Alright, I guess you can sit this out."

Tim gave him another critical stare. Huh, for once his nervousness actually helped him out. No one pointed out that Tim was technically the youngest in the room and Luke didn't need to take orders from him. Luke could pay respect where respect was due, and Tim definitely earned it. Not to mention, he clocked more hero-time than Luke, giving him seniority in that field. Instead, he just gave a grunt.

"Great, thanks. Can I go back to sleep now?"

Both Lucius and Tim looked him over, as if searching for any hint that he was lying. Really, Luke couldn't blame them. One of them was always looking to get out of these events. It was like a competition to see who could bust the most and drag them to suffer with the rest. The two shared a silent look before saying their goodbyes. He gave them weak goodbyes as he made his way to his bedroom. It'd be at least half an hour before he was in the clear. No doubt someone was perched outside, watching like a creep, waiting for him to slip up by going about normally.

So, he laid down and mentally reviewed the new upgrades to his Batwing suit. In his personal opinion, the Batwing suit was sick as hell. Tights were not his thing, thank you. When he was relatively confident everyone else was gone, he got up, ready to have some actual fun.

 To say the night sucked would an understatement and a half. Dick had to separate Damian from the guests three times to keep him from making any of them cry. Jason was hiding in the study after he stole a full tray of hors d'oeuvres and two bottles of champagne for himself. He already made one person leave after 'accidentally' spilling a glass on their suit. Okay, maybe it was two glasses. Or three. Really, who keeps count of that sort of thing? The asshole deserved it, the way he ogled Cass. She was busy charming the socialites with her graceful way on the dancefloor, so Jason decided to defend her honor without actually shooting anyone.

Tim arrived at least thirty minutes late with a look on his face that said 'I would rather be in a ditch somewhere than here'. Maybe the guests were just idiots, because they definitely loved to flock him. Almost as much as they flocked to Dick, poor guy. If there was an award for most ass-grabs avoided, he'd win it, hands down. How he managed to laugh and act like he actually liked being there, none of them could fathom. They chalked it up to his natural showmanship, because he sure bitched about the event as much as the rest of them.

Steph and Harper got passes on the event as they weren't in the public spotlight like the others. Kate just straight up refused to come and no one wanted to try and force her otherwise. They liked their jaws intact. Jason was lucky and could get away with being seen as only a family friend. Sadly, there were too many pictures of him with the others not to be known to some degree. Duke seemed damn near overwhelmed in the crowded ballroom. This was certainly not something he was used to. Dick and Jason both remembered being in that position. None of the three were from any degree of wealth, so it was definitely a culture shock to some degree. Luke was nowhere to be found. According to Tim, he was out sick. The others called bullshit.

It was around the fourth hour when everything got even worse. Apparently Scarecrow and Poison Ivy decided to team up and combine their scientific minds to create a toxin to poison the citizens of Gotham with. Bruce figured one of the rogues would try and cause a problem that night. Why wouldn't they? Oracle was on standby, ready to call in the big guns in case things got too out of control. Thankfully, Batwoman, Spoiler, and Bluebird were on call and managed to control the situation before things got too crazy. Seeing as Jason had already snuck away, Red Hood managed to make an appearance in an attempt to help.

What made it particularly troublesome was the toxin. It presented itself as a fast-acting sickness akin to the flu. Only, it was highly communicable through the air as well as bodily fluids and if one attempted to take medication, it would react negatively, sending the victim into anaphylactic shock. It could cause serious damage or even death if handled improperly. Even worse, it caused vivid delusions and high energy in its most infectious stage, urging the host to run about and spread it further. This was going to be a long, long night. What none were expecting was the worried look Tim cast Bruce.

"Bruce, Luke was sick earlier. It's possible he was infected. Initial symptoms align with how the toxin presents itself in the early stages. Shakes, cold sweat, elevated pulse, lethargy, sore throat."

Well, that didn't sound good. As Bruce worked on an antidote to distribute, he sent Tim and Jason to swing by Luke's to see how he was now. It was still unknown if the host would turn volatile if confronted and it would be better to have back up against one of their own. Especially one of their own who was very well-known to punch really, really hard. The others were tasked with trying to quarantine the sick citizens and prevent further outbreak.

Tim made sure to wear a rebreather to prevent accidental infection. Jason had his helmet that naturally filtered the air he breathed. What they definitely didn't expect to see was Luke dancing around to Ariana Grande in nothing but his boxers, socks, and a button up shirt with a pair of sunglasses on. The two heroes paused in surprise as Luke continued to really get into the music. Jason made a mental note to add 'good dancer' to his hero biography. Who knows? It could come in handy. 'Good singer' could safely be left out, however. Without wasting any more time, they crept into the apartment to confront the man.

 Luke damn near had a heart attack when he turned around, mid-note, and noticed Jason and Tim in his apartment, staring at him. He made a mental note to ask Oracle to look over his security because what the fuck. He immediately resumed his sickly stature, even though it was way past obvious he was fine. What can he say? He's committed. It was the rebreather Tim was using that made him hesitate. Rebreathers usually meant bad stuff.

"Uh...I can explain?"

Instead of answering, Tim took out a small needle from his harness. They wanted to take a blood sample. Alright, something was definitely up. Jason edged toward him with caution. Both of their postures suggested they were waiting for an attack.

"Seriously, what's going on? Why do you have those masks?"

He was growing more and more nervous with each second. Jason finally spoke up.

"Ivy and Crane poisoned the city. You might have been infected."

Oh. That certainly explained things. Of all nights for Luke to fake sick, those two maniacs decide to attack like this. Great. He was going to get poked and prodded for hours now. Can't a guy enjoy music and dancing in his underwear anymore? Ariana Grande was his shit, and now he had to go to that dank, depressing cave because some people just can't let others live.

"Guys, listen, I'm fine. This? It was all a lie. I just didn't feel like going to the gala. If I was sick, I definitely wouldn't be dancing around."

He straightened his posture and took off the sunglasses. There was no trace of his 'illness' anymore. Neither Tim or Jason looked convinced. Instead, Tim shook his head slowly, clearly worried.

"Delusions and manic energy. We gotta get him to the cave, fast."

They both moved, ready to knock him out if necessary. Rather than having to deal with that massive headache, he just sighed in defeat. There was no way he'd be able to take Jason and Tim in a fight. Hell, he was in his underwear. Jason pulled a surgical looking mask from one of his many pockets and shoved it toward him. Luke just groaned in slight aggravation as he put it on.

"I'm telling you, I'm not sick."

Instead of responding, Tim radioed to someone, probably Bruce, that they were bringing him in. Jason stood at the ready. What, did they think he was going to go ballistic and try to murder them? He wasn't suicidal, thanks. At least they let him put on pants before they dragged him to his impending doom. Either they'd find out he lied to get out of the gala or they were convinced he was sick and dying. No matter which way Luke looked, he was royally screwed. The worst part was being forced to sit in the quarantine cell for fourteen hours while they ran test after test and worked on a cure for the city. It was somewhere around the eleventh hour that Luke developed a cough. He just groaned and let his head fall back against the wall. Well, this was great. Next time, he was just going to go to the damn gala and let someone else lie.

[swearronchanel]

IT’S BEEN A WHILE

I haven’t actually watched Call the Midwife in so long ahh! The end of the semester has been kicking my ass but good news, this is my last week of class & I only have 2 finals next week! So I’ll be able to relax a bit and go back to being ctm trash™ later next week + I also convinced my mom to buy the books so I can read those when I get home too. Anyways, I have a break in between my second and last class & instead of being productive/working on all the assignments I have due this week I’m going to watch 4.06 (I closed my eyes and picked from the episode guide lol) because it’s been far too long! 😭👏🏼📺 ✨ here goes nothing, I’m officially back to annoying you all with my commentaries™ 💁🏼

Sister Mary Cynthia! 💔💛 miss her

“The religious life isn’t one I could’ve chosen”  LOL me neither,  I’m too much of a degenerate

Sister J tucking in Sister Mc’s hair, bless

“..Poisons my brain and contaminates my dreams” poor sister MJ! She’s ill😭 what does she have a uti or something?

PHYLLIS!!

Omg sister Evangelina is coming back, my heart 💔💔 I’m still sad about it

lol Phyllis telling Tim he’s shooting up, what a Phyllis thing to say

Growing pains, lol shut up Tim

“Pass me the Rolodex” You know Phyllis is about to get shit done

Paulette sitting in her dressing gown lol, she’s a little angsty & bitchy I love it

Since you know that’s more accurate representation of a teenager than Tim is😭😂 or at least me

Peter out here policing, guess we’ll see some irrelevant constables next series if needed since he’s out, lol bye 💁🏼

Ah yes the square dance!

“Hello pats!” They’re precious

SISTER E😭💔💖

Aw Shelagh! She was so excited to see sister E

Also she just looks angelic as always

I MISS THE SISTER E & PHYLLIS INTERACTIONS !! They were both so head strong & they clashed sometimes but I loved it.

Now I’m sad..

Sister Winifred with the best cringey faces as always

Look at the gremlins playing with Phyllis’s hubcaps 😂

Fred with the cdc squad 😂

Violet and Fred’s relationship is so pure !! But they’re not *really* together yet right? Whateves I love it

Aw baby Angela

“Hello Nurse” 😘😍😉  same Patrick

We all know Patrick quickly discovered a kink for a uniform he never knew he had 😏

Don’t we all though😂 Some uniforms just make people look more attractive😏😂😂

“We have half a dozen ulcer patients..” ULCERS COCKBLOCKING THE TURNERS SINCE 1960!!

Bet Shelagh didn’t remember dismissing that comment in the tent though

Trixie & Sister MC going out to patients together >>

Attracta is such a COOL NAME

Like it sounds fierce 😂 like Tiberius. Or Severus Snape

BUT ALSO I GET ANNOYED LOOKING AT HER BECAUSE SHE PISSED ME OFF AS VERA IN DOWNTON !!  

Anyways..

The grandmother is so cute omg 😭

Trixie and Patsy smoking in their pyjamas is my aesthetic

Still want all of Trixie’s pyjamas & whole wardrobe!

Aw the nurses laughing at phyllis😂😭 mean af

Omg she hears them! my heart😭💔

BUT DONT WORRY BECAUSE EVERYONE LOVES PHYLLIS AND TAKES HER ADVICE SOON ENOUGH

#DontFuckWithPhyllisAndHerAdoptedNurseChildren

“I go off my food when I’m upset and you keep upsetting me!

Ugh the worst is when you’re just dry heaving and spitting up bile😖 **I’ve never had morning sickness/been pregnant so I don’t really know but it’s prob just as bad or prob worse than drinking too much liquor 😂

Shelagh in her uniform holding Angela 😭😍 they’re both adorable

Are shoelaceless to Fred & Violet what cigarettes were to Dr Turner & Sister Bernadette? 🤔

So Fred and Patrick were both in WWII, why is the only conversation we’ve seen between them about it was on the shorts? 😂😂

SISTER E’S FACE EXUDING SALTINESS WHEN DR TURNER ASKED FOR PHYLLIS ON THE PHONE😂😂    

lol why do I think “in the family way” is a funny phrase?

Damn she’s pregnant though, like she really needs birth control so she doesn’t die

Her mum really called her a slut like *kelly from the office voice* number one how dare you?? & number two that was a bitch move

What’s borstal? Is it like Juvi ?

“You might benefit from a cigarette” same probably, the stress is real

I felt smart knowing it would be dangerous for Paulette since she’s diabetic (also: i learned it young watching steel magnolias😂 I hate that I cried in that movie)

This cute grandma aw 😭😭💖 she’s dying

Same though, I feel like every Hispanic girl gets gold earrings when they’re like babies. But for no real significance 😂 had my ears pierced since I was 6 weeks old and been wearing gold earrings foreves

11th pregnancy diablo, I’d die

Phyllis addressing herself as a spinster bc she’s so badass and gives 0 fucks – I love her

He brought back the hubcaps 👏🏼

Phyllis is legit a gem, she doesn’t judge & she actually cares

“When somebody thinks the worst of a person because of their background, such a lot can be lost”

PREECH PHYLLIS 🙌🏻🙏🏼 SO MUCH TRUTH

“It didn’t stop me from making something out of myself” I LOVE HER SO MUCH 💖

Fred asking out Violet, so pure. They are so cute😂😭

        Oh shit brb I have class in 5mins😂 gotta blast                   *Please pardon the interruption*

        Ok I’m back

Paulette’s pink suit is cute af tbh💁🏼

“I’m not your mother kid, if I were, I would do some things differently..” PHYLLIS ADOPT ME PLS

aww my bby shelagh is tired 😭💔

Remember this nightgown though? Yea neither did I😂 why is it so long? Whateves, glad she upgraded to the bri-nylon😏

“No one is invincible” “No, they aren’t” 😭👏🏼🙏🏼 they both know that ahh😔

Aww the nun squad pulling through to help Shelagh out

“I think my eyes will not permit it, indisposition has dimmed them” LMAO SISTER MJ IS LITERALLY ME WITH MY FINAL ASSIGNMENTS

“Thank goodness I am used to the vow of obedience.. I still have hard days with it even now..”

“You Mark my words, the joy of midwifery never dims”

Omg there’s something in my eye or I’m freaking crying I miss sister Evangelina!! remembering she died after tending to one last baby ugh my heart it was great but also not bc hello she died💔💔

I JUST REMEMBERED PEGINE DIES, I’M GOING TO BE MORE SAD

“..until I give my permission!” YES SISTER MC YOU YELL AT EVERYONE!!

So you’re gonna tell me no one saw Paulette leave the maternity home or that no one snitched on her?

After giving birth 11 times wouldn’t they just slip out by now😭😂 yikes I can’t imagine that pain 11x.. or imagine having 11 kids😂

This old woman is so precious

this montage >>

Shelagh singing in chapel with the nuns makes me so happy😭💖

Also where did this dress go cause I don’t remember ever seeing it again?

Is it a British thing or just a thing of the past that little boys always wore shorts?? Like it gets cold! 😂

PEGINE is dead 😭

Did Paulette not think about this before hand?? Like you know you’re diabetic and need to keep your blood sugar up??

My bby Trixie looking good™ even in that big skirt😍 haven’t seen much of her this episode 😔

“I brought bourbon, sort of an American Scotch”  Delia is my kind of gal pulling up with a bottle😂

But I don’t drink bourbon like um I’m not a middle aged business man who cheats on his wife 😂

“Do call me Phyllis.. just for this evening!” 😂 I love her. But seriously look how far she’s come! They were laughing at her and strictly on last name basis, now she’s been hanging out with the nurses and was Babs’s bridesmaid😭💛

Why didn’t Vaughn just bring Paulette with him back to town?

Vi defending Fred from the Cubs is cute 😂

Square dance lit, why is it the funniest but greatest thing to me though??

My other bby SHELAGH LOOKS SO GOOD TOO!😍 we were cheated of a closer shot

I approve of the dress! It looks like gingham but I’m not sure, maybe houndstooth??. Either way - Where is it!? Bring it back out in summer!

“I want to dance with you” aw deels

They’re setting the cart on fire 😭 rip pegine😭

Vaughn used his one call in jail on Phyllis, like same

SHE’S SO GREAT

So does she have the abortion or not? I’m confused.

Okay I think she does never mind

They gave Sister MC the tea cup😭💔 my heart

aw Shelagh putting on Tim’s hat and sending him off to school, so pure

“We are shaped by the hands we hold in ours and cherish and gently let go”

Ah Vanessa always ending the episodes right with the feels😭😭

I’ll forever love the narration/writing of the show 👏🏼👏🏼💛💛 literally the best.

The end 😭💔 wow I’ve missed this