#thanks for asking though <3 it makes me happy to know you miss my drawings!

[sarenhale]

Hey king, sorry if this is abrupt, but do u still post ur nsfw art anywhere? I miss ur hot boys™ in situations™

Hello and please don't worry, it's really no problem at all!!!! Man I miss drawing hot men and women in situations™ too...

Thanks for asking, I have been thinking about drawing some spicy stuff in the past days, and I unfortunately don't have an alternative to twitter right now... so until the ghoulish carcass of twitter still stands (lol), I'll just continue posting spicy art there!

Since I have some free time now for vacation, I might doodle something! If you or anyone knows of any other decent alternative to twitter for posting spicy art, do let me know! I don't really have any better ideas than that at the moment

[sophrosynesworld]

With all my love, pt. 3

Part 3 is finally here and *gasp* lore?!

Do you know how hard it is to escape your top 5 pro-hero ex-boyfriend? His voice plays on my radio during my commute. His image is plastered across the news in the lobby this morning before lunch—he’s acting irrationally again. He’s always been too much of a hothead.

His recent heroic deeds have garnered both admiration and scrutiny. My departure seems to have affected him, causing some of his harsher traits to resurface. I never anticipated that he would notice, let alone react like this.

"I don't care if he's a jerk. Dynamite is one of the best heroes of this generation," I overhear one of the news anchors saying. The radio in the small restaurant makes it hard to miss.

"Dynamite is one bad decision away from killing someone," the woman says, clearly frustrated with her cohost. "I don't even know if it would be on accident."

"He has saved more people this year than Deku. How is that not a hero?" the cohost argues back.

"He's also cost this city thousands of man-hours repairing the damage his blasts created."

I set my tablet down, trying to push their argument out of my head. The familiar chime of bells rings, drawing my gaze to the doorway.

A redhead stands there, his eyes scanning the restaurant until they find mine. His face softens as he makes his way over, pulling out a chair and sitting across from me.

"You look good today," he says warmly. "Changed your hair?"

"No, but I did change my relationship status." I roll my eyes at his attempt at small talk. I know my ex-boyfriend's best friend didn’t just call me up to chat.

He chuckles, a sound out of place given the tension. “Look, I know things have been rough for you.”

“Rough? That’s putting it mildly.”

He leans forward, elbows on the table. “I want to help. He’s worried about you, you know.”

I sigh, glancing at the drawing in front of me. “He wasn’t worried when I was crying myself to sleep.”

“I get it,” he says softly. “But he’s struggling too. The hero life isn’t as glamorous as it seems. You know that better than anyone.” My heart skips a beat at the reminder of my early retirement. “The constant pressure, the expectations... it’s taking a toll on him.”

I look up, meeting his eyes. They hold sincerity, a genuine concern I hadn’t expected. “What do you want from me?” I whisper.

“Talk to him. Just once. Hear him out. You both deserve that closure.”

I lean back, the weight of his words settling over me.

“Fine,” I say after a long pause. “I’ll talk to him. But this doesn’t mean anything beyond that.”

He nods, a small smile playing on his lips. “That’s all I’m asking. Thank you.”

He settles back into his chair and picks up the menu. "Why don't we order something?"

I nod, grateful for the change in topic. "Sure. I hear their ramen is amazing."

We browse the menu, tension easing as we focus on the food. The waitress comes by, and we place our orders—spicy miso ramen for me, tonkotsu ramen for him.

As we wait, the restaurant buzzes with lunchtime chatter. Clinking utensils, humming conversations, and occasional laughter create a comforting atmosphere. It feels almost normal, a brief break from the chaos.

“So,” he says, breaking the silence, “how’s work? Still drawing those amazing designs?”

I smile, appreciating his interest. “Yeah, hectic, but I’m managing. Deadlines are killer, though.” He laughs as our waitress places two bowls in front of us.

“I can imagine. But your work is worth it. You’ve got talent, always have.”

“Thanks,” I say, feeling more at ease. “How about you? How’s hero life?”

“It’s... a lot,” he admits, mouth full of food. He swallows. “But it’s worth it, knowing we’re making a difference." I hum in agreement, tasting my food. The flavorful broth dances across my tongue, making me do an unconscious happy dance.

"We really do miss you though," Kiri says, his voice trailing off as he scratches his neck. I feel a pang of remembrance. I've never stopped missing being a hero. I hate not being able to work with my best friends.

"I don't get a retirement package as a hero," I reply, forcing a smile to mask my heartache. But it's clear my facade fails as regret fills Kiri's eyes. Apologies spill from his lips, but I don't listen. Instead, I reach out and gently place my hand on his for a brief moment.

"Eijiro, I promise you I've moved on. I don't blame anyone for what happened," I assure him, pushing another smile onto my face. "I got over that a long time ago."

I withdraw my hand and continue to eat, the conversation flowing more easily after a few moments. We reminisce about our days at UA, share laughs about our coworkers, and for a while, it feels like old times.

By the time we finish, I feel lighter, the past weeks’ weight lifting slightly. It’s not a solution, but it’s a start.

“Thanks for meeting me,” he says as we stand to leave. “and for agreeing to talk to him.”

I nod, a sense of anticipation blooming. “We’ll see how it goes.”

As we step out into the city’s noise, I unblock his number from my phone and watch in horror as hundreds of missed messages flood my phone screen.

[silentcryracha]

❍ ‗ Making art with Hyunjin ‗ ❍

Pairing : Hyunjin x f reader

Summary : chapter four of a cute standalone miniseries. It's what it says in the title

Genre/ Warnings : scenario/imagine/headcanon, drabble, fluff, suggestive but no smut, unserious but helpful Hyunjin, it's cute idk

Word count : 635 words

A/n : none

ps: There could be grammar errors. Do NOT repost on other socials. Leave feedback if you feel like it, otherwise enjoy! ♡︎

masterlist

series masterpost

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Hyunjin loves art, yes, but he loves you more. Don't even try to not make things about you if you're around because you'll be unsuccessful.

"Okay mr. Picasso draw an apple for me"

Five minutes later he'd be handing you the sketchbook, a pencil sketch picturing YOU holding an apple.

"This is ridiculous" you whisper, lowkey speechless. Hyunjin would pout, looking genuinely sad for a moment.

"You don't like it?" and of course you'd throw yourself at him covering him with kisses and praises all over his face.

He's just extra talented and in love! It's not his fault!

He'd be so happy to either learn from you or teach you, if you asked. Like oh my gosh imagine if he had an actual artist as a partner? He'd be so in awe and interested in each and every step of the process.

He would a hundred percent ask you to teach him, whatever the technique. He'd just be so excited to spend time with you regardless <3

Same thing if the roles were reversed and he was the teacher! He'd be very honored if asked him to teach you, probably because even though he's crazy good he wouldn't consider himself a professional artist.

You'd just end you having so much fun together. I feel like Hyunjin would shower you with praises and encouragement.

"That looks so good already, baby."

"It's...missing an arm and hair"

And he'd just respond "It's his business not yours" in the cutest most unserious tone.

"Hyune, come here a sec" you call out and whatever he was doing, he'd walk over.

"I don't think the sketch is bad but something is off. Is it the colors?" he listens, giving you a sweet kiss on the head, then focusing on the painting.

"I think the purple is a bit bright, try adding some black. I know you usually shouldn't but I don't think it's a drop is gonna hurt." he answers softly, picking up the acrylic and then mixing.

He picks up the brush and skillfully covers up the previous color, smiling to himself in satisfaction afterwards.

"See? Now the palette is more balanced." he gives you another kiss because, well yes.

"Yes it does! Colors do make such a difference. Thank you, honey"

It doesn't always need to be a learning experience though! Sometimes you just want to have a laugh or make a mess and then then make out covered in paint like it's not that serious.

It would happen specifically when someone got stressed working on a piece, and maybe it just sucked and wanted to throw it away, so might as well transform it into a whole abstract piece and get a laugh out of it. Mood lifted!

You and Hyunjin were just chilling, sitting together on the couch late at night, a whole storm outside. He turns to you, saying:

"Do you want to play a game?" you look up at him.

"Okay, Jigsaw. What were you thinking?"

He stands up, walking around the living room to pick up two sketchbooks, some pencils and spare pastels. Then comes back to hand you one.

"We pick something in the room -in our line of view- to draw, then we each have three chances to guess it right." you bite your lip, smiling.

"Okay. And what if we don't guess right?" he shrugs, a smirk struggling not to appear on his plump lips.

"Then one piece of clothing, of choice, comes off." he replies, "Each. time." you pout, feigning innocence.

"But...it's quite cold. Will we not be cold?"

"Well then let's hope we lose fast, so we can warm each other up." he winks and you giggle like an idiot, because of course that's where he was going.

"Bet"

And the rest is history <3

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Bittersweet Symphony 3

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Thor

Summary: you meet a god in real life but he’s not the saviour you think.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

“Tired her out,” you whisper as Joanie snores on the couch. 

She’s asleep sitting up. You gently take her hat off but before you can move her, Thor is right there. Wordlessly, he lifts her and turns to you. A nod. 

You take him to your bedroom and have him put her in there. He lays her down and tucks the blankets around her. She doesn’t stir at all. 

You back out of the room and leave the door and inch. You cross your arms as you pace and Thor follows. You face him as he nears the covered table. 

“You can go now. You’re free,” you say. 

“Mm, yes, I know,” he stops and brushes his fingertips over the canvas. “I am curious though...” 

You sigh and cross the room. You come up beside him and lift the edge, revealing several ceramic pieces. Some are painted, others not, and one mug still needs a handle. He lets out a soft noise and his fingers flutter. 

“May I?” He asks. 

“Sure,” you shrug. 

He lifts the mug with embossed petals and admires it, “you sell your wares?” 

“Sometimes. I work down at a shop, I teach some classes, but this is all just on the side,” you explain. “More of a hobby.” 

“They’re marvelous. How much?” He asks. 

“What? You don’t have to--” 

“I like them,” he says, “could you make me something special? I have some ideas.” 

“Well, I guess I could take a commission but I can’t guarantee a time window. I have Joanie and even with my days off, she’ll take up most of them.” 

“I can wait.” He insists and sets the cup back down, “for you, I can be patient. It isn’t my strong suit but I will try.” 

You smile and rub your palms together, “alright. I’ll see what I can do. What are you looking for?” 

“You can do a vase, perhaps? We had these standing ones in Asgard, at home, I can draw them out for you. I miss them. They were my mother’s favourites,” he gives bittersweet look. “Oh, and I suppose I need a wedding gift for my brother.” 

“Wedding? He’s getting married?” You wonder. Does he mean Loki or is there another god? 

“Already wed. Secret ceremony. He didn’t even invite me.” He frowns. “Still, I am happy for him.” 

“Well, congrats to him. That’s wonderful.” 

“And you? You have many suitors? A princess, always does,” he says. 

You laugh, “I told you, I’m not a princess.” 

“Mm, so you say, but I’ve known many a princess and you seem to me as one,” he shifts to look down at you. “And I was a prince for eons, they call me king now but I do not feel it very much. Still, I have an eye for such things. 

“Uh, yeah, it must be a lot to deal with,” you mutter. “Really, I’m just me.” 

“Just you?” He echoes, “so you are... unclaimed?” 

“Unclaimed?” You toy with the word. “Single, yeah, I am.” 

He nods thoughtfully, “as am I. It would seem as fate.” 

You’re struck by his meaning. Or what you think he is trying to say. It’s outlandish enough to the he would be into you that you’re certain it’s a joke. 

“That’s funny,” you say. 

His expression turns dire, “funny? I am not making light. Unless, you would deny me.” 

Your lips open then close, then thin. You try to process his offer. He’s asking you out.

You look down at yourself. You’re not exactly getting a lot of swipes or a lot of men looking your way. You always took it in stride. If someone isn’t into you, it’s a good way to choose the right person. It just so happens no one is. So this all seems a bit absurd. 

“You’re quiet, princess,” he says nervously. 

“I... not a princess,” you shake your head. “Joanie, sure, she has the attitude. Not me. I’m just me and you’re you. You’re Thor.” 

He recites his name next to yours, “it does sound rather nice, doesn’t it?” 

“Please.” 

“You are saying no.” 

“I am thinking,” you drag out the response. “I don’t want to... you’ve spent all day here and I don’t want to disappoint you. You’re very busy and important and I make cups. And I work constantly just to pay for this,” you gesture around you. “I just think we should be transparent about who we are.” 

“You are kind, to others, but no yourself,” he says. “I wouldn’t ask without great consideration. I have lived for quite a time, I’ve been through my share of heartbreaks and intergalactic flings. Mm, yes, there was a giantess.... pray she never sees me again. But we are here now, at this time and place together. It is enough for me and you are more than I could hope for.” 

You stare at him. You’re certain you look as dumbfounded as you feel. “It’s a lot, sorry. I’m... processing. I--” you blush and dip your chin down. He’s asking you out. That’s unreal. “Okay,” you giggle. “Alright, I will go out with you, Thor, God of Thunder, King of Asgard.” You look at him as your cheeks round, “that’s wild.” 

“Oh, thanks the norns,” he chuckles, “I was rather not ready for rejection.” 

[squidpedia]

HI I’M PEDIA, MASTERPOST DOWN BELOW BUT HOLD ON REALLY QUICK READ MY FAQ:

Boundaries on reposting, dubbing, and pfp’s?

Please ask for permission in my messages/inbox before reposting my work or dubbing it! PFP’s don’t need permission, just include credit in bio please. Most likely I’ll be ok with it so please don’t be shy! it’s just a boundary I like having respected. Also cmon girl if you make a dub of my work I want to see🥺

Are drawing requests open?

Yes BUT no guarantees I will accept it, though I would reccomend going for it anyways! The main reason is because I’m so busy I don’t often have time to do requests as much as I wish I did. Once in a blue moon I’m able to doodle some though! Also wouldn’t reccomend oc’s or au’s, it’s a bit difficult for me to do either of those things, I’m sorry. Non-utdr requests are also cool but send it to @squidpedias-fanart , this place is where i draw utdr stuff specifically. I post all my other fanart like splatoon, zelda, or lmk over there

I sent you an ask a while ago/tagged you in a post but you never responded, did I upset you somehow?

NOOOOOOOOOOOO I’M JUST AWFUL AT RESPONDING TO ASKSSS OR TEND TO MISS A LOT OF NOTIFICATIONS I’M SORRYYYYYY YOUREE FINEEEEEE. ITS YOU AND LIKE 140 OTHER PEOPLE I PROMMY IM JUST TERRIBLE. don’t be afraid to rb it and tag me in the rb again, sorry for that!

I liked this drawing concept you made. Can I make fanart, redraw it in my style, or make something inspired by it?

YEAH!!!! Flattered and happy I inspired you in that way!! Just 1) tag and credit me, because I would be so sad if I didn’t see and would love love love to rb it and 2) if it’s a redraw, try to link back to original post if possible (but I forget to mention that a lot so that second part isn’t as big of a deal)

What about writing fics?

A FEW OF YOU ARE WILD FOR THAT BUT YEAH GO OFF. Still let me know, give credit, tag me if possible, and check out this other post I made too regarding fic writing and overall boundaries about my fallen kid oc’s. If you still have questions after reading that and there’s anything I didn’t go over, reach out and ask in my inbox or dm’s! I’d be happy to elaborate on anything!

What other socials do you have?

I have a Youtube, Twitter, Bluesky, and a Switch (SW-2670-2211-5056) (thats not a social but you should friend me on there anyways and crash my splatoon lobbies lmao).

Do you have any oc’s or personal works?

@an-unconscious-effort-comic and @dragontry-comic (neither stories are connected to each other and are their own projects)

Pronouns?

Please refer to Frisk, Chara, Kris, and any of my fallen human designs with they/them strictly here (or Chara by they/it) (This includes Lilac - and sidenote i am working on a post regarding boundaries for my fallen human designs should you want to use them in any personal works, I’ll be back with that another time but thank you for having an interest in them, they’re dear to me and I’m glad if you like them too). Clover also uses they/them my take too (well they/she actually but I usually just refer to her by they they/them in posts because,,,,,nervous)

Oh wait you meant me. Any👍

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

UTDR/UTY COMICS MASTERPOST

(uty comics are highlighted in orange if you’re more interested in the strictly undertale comics)

Clover’s Memories (ongoing - i prommy)

(10/12 update - the voices………….theyre telling me to work on it again………………..meanwhile i got a big project due at midnight and have to study for a test tomorrow, some halloween related ask doodles, and commissions from both sides of my family for their individual family businesses IM GONNA EXPLODEEEE)

Silence | Memory 1 | Memory 2 | Memory 2.5 Coming Soon | Sound | Memory 3 | Discrepancy | Memory 4 | Static

Clover’s Hat (post revive au)

Part 1 /// Part 2 /// Bonus

Kanako Integrity Duo (really short mini doodle comics)

Reconciliation // Introductions // Ceroba // Chujin

Miscellaneous:

Kris and Clover Interaction // Clover’s Sacrifice // Frisk vs. Clover’s POV // Clover Tells Martlet a Secret // Who’s Your Friend? // Pipe Down // Family Visit // Unwell // Letter // Humor // Gamer // They // Kicked Out // It Keeps Happening // What’s In A Name

AU TAGS:

#Happily Ever After and Then Some -> everyone lives au including chara, flowey/asriel, fallen kids, where i don’t offer any sort of explanations for how because it simply makes me really self-conscious to try to come up with reasoning and really i just want to imagine these characters in fun and interesting scenarios. Theyre all alive, just go with it and have fun.

(It doesn’t really have any posted content to it’s name yet,,,other than maybe revived clover au content ig,,,and im just not even sure how hard i’ll commit??? But i think and doodle about it often enough to justify it being mentioned for now. i think)

#Phantom integrity au -> someone sent an ask once about what if clover’s narrator was integrity. It’s a fun idea to explore and where I got the concept of Lilac’s design for! It’s not something I think about very often plotwise but I like drawing ghosty lilac

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 66

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words: 6k

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Wednesday, March 3; 5:30 AM - Ona and Alexia's room.

I was sleeping peacefully until I felt my blanket lift, letting a draft hit my chilly body. Naturally, I couldn't help but be scared, being the little scaredy-cat that I am, but I was quickly greeted by a warm breath.

"Shhht. It's just me."

A smile spread across my lips, even though I was still in a fog. Lucy slipped under my blanket, and I took the opportunity to turn around and bury my face in her chest. I could feel her smile as she kissed my forehead, holding me tight. Her body was freezing, but it was already starting to warm up against mine.

"Happy one month, my love," I mumbled against her chest, which hummed with satisfaction.

"Happy one month," she whispered back.

I sighed in contentment, not daring to move or let go. I was afraid it was just a dream, but I kept touching her, and she was still here. I knew I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, but I didn't mind. I was perfectly comfortable next to her. I had missed her arms. After all, we always get used to the good things too quickly.

"I knew you'd plan something," I whispered. "It's not fair. I don't have the same advantages as you."

She chuckled, making her chest vibrate again beneath me. It was a pleasant surprise. I hadn't thought about it at all. Starting my day in her arms would give me a lot of motivation and good cheer.

"Hey, just so you know," came my roommate's deep voice. "I'll allow the cuddling next to me this time because it's your one-month anniversary, but please, keep it quiet."

We laughed as I heard her turn over in her bed. Lucy calmed me by sliding her hand under my T-shirt. It felt good to feel her. I liked it when she touched my skin.

"Did you hear, baby?" she teased me.

I smiled and nodded, pressing myself closer to her. I took a deep breath to take in her scent. I was happy she was here, in my bed. I'd have her scent on my sheets now. It would help me sleep better, even though it would be both a joy and a torture in the nights to come. I lifted my head and kissed her hard. It was another sweet torture that I intended to enjoy on this lovely morning. It was hard not to fully enjoy what was mine when I saw her every day. We continued like that for the half-hour we had left. Our time was cut short by the shrill alarm echoing down the hall. Lucy sighed, and I could see the disappointment on her face that it was already over. Still, she didn't move. Alexia had time to open the blinds, letting the daylight flood the room, momentarily blinding us.

"If you're not getting up, does that mean we have time to get ready?" Ale asked.

"Definitely not," she teased. "Come on, get up, beautiful."

"Just a little longer," I mumbled.

Alexia laughed as she went into the bathroom. As soon as she left, I resumed kissing Lucy, but she giggled and gently pushed me away. She kissed my forehead and got out of bed. I hadn't noticed because of the darkness, but she was already wearing her T-shirt for the day. I watched her as she pulled on her pants and jacket before Ale returned. I would have liked to get dressed too, but my clothes were in the bathroom.

"Thanks for the wake-up call. It was nice."

"My pleasure," she smiled. "But I'm serious. Go get ready," she said as Ale returned.

"I'm going, I'm going."

I dragged myself out of bed and went into the bathroom. I hurried as much as I could, knowing I still had to make my bed. When I was done, I wanted to tackle that, but I noticed it had already been made.

"Thanks," I said to Lucy.

I gave her a quick kiss on the lips to emphasize my gratitude. I then rushed to my closet to give her my drawing. It wasn’t much, but I didn’t want to be empty-handed. It was a self-portrait of her from behind, with her hair to the side. I highlighted the tattoo on her neck and her profile. I could see Lucy's eyes light up, and nothing made me happier.

"I didn’t expect us to be giving gifts..."

"I didn’t want to come empty-handed. The rest will come this weekend, of course."

"Oh, really?"

"Don’t think you're getting away without celebrating properly," I teased her.

"Oh no, no," she laughed. "I remember you’re in charge of the evening," she said with a mischievous smile. "I’m expecting a lot if you’re the one running the show."

I laughed softly and playfully hit her shoulder. She’s challenging me! I really hope she’ll like what I’ve planned.

"Alright, off you go. See you tonight."

"Have a great day."

I kissed her one last time before joining Ale, who was waiting for me at the door. Poor thing, I always made her wait. She didn’t seem to mind. As soon as we stepped into the hallway, she put her arm around my shoulders.

"So, my friend. Looks like you're starting the day off well."

"I couldn’t have dreamed of a better start," I admitted. "Not everyone would do that."

"That’s true," she giggled. "Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you something."

"Yes?"

"Since you haven’t brought it up again, I was wondering how the discussion about the gallery offer ended."

"Oh, yeah. I didn’t mention it again, sorry."

"Did everything get sorted out? You have no idea how upset Jenni was about it."

"She didn’t have to be. It’s something that concerns only us anyway."

"That’s true, but she’s very protective of Lucy," she sighed. "So, what’s the decision?"

"For now, we’re waiting for the interview with Mr. Fields next week. I tried to schedule it for Friday afternoon to avoid needing permissions and all that, but he wasn’t available."

"Did you manage to find a time slot anyway?"

"Yes, yes. Monday, in two weeks. But we decided not to wait. Lucy found other galleries for me to apply to. Beth is checking their relevance before I send my applications."

"That’s right, I heard beth has a lot of friends in that field. She’s passionate about art thanks to her mother. Jenni and Beth are really close friends »

"Really? No, I didn’t know that."

"Well, now you do," she laughed. "And what if the guy doesn’t give up?"

"Lucy thinks that if I make it clear I don’t want to leave, he won’t chase me," I explained, shrugging.

"She’s probably right," she agreed.

"I know," I sighed. "But I can’t afford to accept. I don’t see myself leaving. I feel good here. She understands that I don’t want to be away from her, so it’s fine."

"Do you know why she reacted that way?"

"She was afraid I’d regret choosing her over a good opportunity, you know. I made it clear that wouldn’t happen."

"It’s a bit absurd, isn’t it?"

"You know, I think Lucy has never missed a single opportunity for her professional career. Look at where she is now… It might be absurd to us, but not to her."

"I see... Well, it’s perfect if everything’s settled."

Ale has such a big heart. I love her for that. We walked through the dorm doors to reach the outside.

"Hey, girls," Patri called out to us. "You’re a little late this morning, aren’t you? 

We are greeted by all our friends gathered near the entrance. Even Alba and her girlfriend were there. Misa has been surprising me by hanging out with us more often since they started showing up together. In just three days, she’s been with us constantly, much to Ale's dismay. I could tell Ale wasn't thrilled with the situation. I found it a bit difficult too. I wasn't talking to Alba as much as I did before the holidays. For a while, I had the impression her girlfriend held a grudge against me. That seemed to fade once she found out I was dating someone. It was clear she didn't like my relationship with her girlfriend, and the last thing I wanted was to reignite any tension. Why does everyone always see me as a threat? It’s not like I’m trying to go after everyone, quite the opposite!

“Sorry, we were hanging out in the hallway,” my roommate defends us.

“Good thing it wasn’t Bronze who kept you back,” someone jokes.

A slight irritation creeps up inside me. Ever since I started dating her, I’ve had less patience for comments like that. There’s no one sweeter than Lucy on this earth. It’s crazy that she’s gotten such a reputation around here.

“You all seriously need to stop making her out to be a monster. I’ve already told you she’s not nearly as bad as you think.”

“Okay, I think we’ll take that as our cue to leave,” Ale says, grabbing my shoulders and steering me toward the cafeteria. I immediately regret my outburst as I catch the others’ glances. I hadn’t meant to let my words get the best of me. I need to calm down.

“Let it go,” Alexia murmurs. “They don’t know what they’re talking about.”

I take a long breath and exhale slowly. Checking to make sure we’ve put some distance between us, I say, “But seriously, it’s so frustrating! You know her now too. You know she’s not as cruel as everyone says.”

“I know, but relax. Now’s not the time to show everyone how much she means to you. You’ve already got Leah and Alessia watching your every move; I think that’s enough, don’t you?”

I growl in frustration. Ale keeps going, as if to drive her point home.

“We’re almost done with the school year, and besides, Lucy chose this reputation for herself. There’s nothing you can do to change it.”

“She only did that to protect herself,” I sigh. “I hate it, you have no idea.”

“Just a few more weeks in this environment, and then it’ll all be over. You’ll be fine.”

I nod reluctantly. She’s right—it would be foolish to ruin everything now, but it’s tough.

“And what about you? How are things with Alba?” I ask, shifting the conversation.

I had noticed that things weren’t perfect. Like me, Ale had been keeping her distance. I know they’re together in class, so I don’t see everything.

“Not great. I think Alba expects me to reveal who my girlfriend is ever since she introduced me to Misa.”

“I see... Maybe it’s time to tell her, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” she sighs. “This charade has lasted long enough, and I’m tired of lying to her weekend after weekend. Plus, I also need to figure out how to tell her I’m not going back to live with my grandparents after school.”

“Is that a final decision?” I ask, surprised.

I can’t hide my joy. If she’s moving in with Jenni, it means we’ll stay close even after leaving here. She laughs softly at my reaction.

“Of course. It’s been decided for a while now. I’m just scared to tell her it’s Jenni. She’s going to kill me, don’t you think? She’s older than me.”

“Lucy’s older than me too,” I roll my eyes. “It’s not that big of a deal. I think what matters to her right now is knowing who you’re seeing. I feel like dating Misa has been good for her. She seems in love. Maybe now she can relate to you and wants something more with Misa after school too. Have you asked her?”

“No,” Ale mutters. “I don’t like that girl very much.”

“Get to know her before you say that. She might turn out to be cool.”

“And you’re the one telling me this?”

“What can I say? You can’t just reject her. You wouldn’t want her to do that to Jenni, would you?”

“That’s true,” she sighs.

“Come on. What did you just tell me? Oh right, ‘It’ll be okay, don’t worry,’” I mimic her teasingly.

She laughs softly, nudging my shoulder. I laugh too, and we exchange a calm smile.

“Talk to her as soon as possible. She’s happy right now, so take advantage of it.”

“You’re right,” she says with determination. “I’ll try. Thanks.”

“It’s nothing. I’m here if you need support.”

She gives me a grateful smile as we reach the cafeteria. Along the way, I briefly spot Lucy heading to her table, her tray already full. I’m surprised she passed us so quickly. We exchange a small smile, which makes Ale laugh.

“You two really have a lot to learn about being discreet,” she teases.

“Oh, stop it,” I groan, playfully hitting her.

She laughs more. It’s only been three days, but it’s already hard. She’s right—we need to calm down if we don’t want to get caught. Sometimes, you have to make choices, and right now, I’d rather keep Lucy close than push her away.

Wednesday, March 3; 2:30 PM – During class.

“Can I ask you a question?” Alessia interrupts me during one of my exercises.

“You just did.”

I smile as I finish writing my last calculation on the sheet.

“Ha ha ha, very funny.”

“I think so too,” I reply, my smile widening.

“Seriously, can I?”

“You could have before. What’s up?”

“What do you see in her?”

I don’t need more context to know who she’s talking about. She’s seemed pretty distracted today. I wasn’t expecting her to still be thinking about my relationship. After all, we hadn’t talked about it since. Ale had suggested I address it since she’d noticed the criticism from her sister, but I hadn’t done anything. I was always afraid of confrontation.

“Why are you so interested, exactly?” I ask casually.

Deep down, I’m nervous, but it seems I’m not the only one. Alessia keeps her head down when I look at her, fidgeting with her fingers. I place my hand on hers, and immediately, our eyes meet. Hers are filled with sadness, which weighs heavily on me.

“What’s wrong?”

“I never hid that I liked you, Ona. I gave up on it a while ago, but I just wanted to know where I went wrong.”

Her honesty touches me. Alessia is such a remarkable girl. I’ve come to learn that after spending time with her. We have so much in common, especially our love for art. I shake my head to let her know she’s mistaken.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Alessia. I was already taken by her before we even met. That’s all.”

“Okay...” she murmurs. “But be honest. If you had met me first, could you have liked me as more than a friend?”

I look up at the ceiling, pondering her question. Like I’d told Lucy before, Alessia could have been my type. But would I have been able to open up to her and trust her like I do with Lucy? The answer is easy.

“I could have,” I admit. “In different circumstances.”

The hope in her eyes fades just as quickly as it appeared. I hate hurting her like this, but I can’t lie to her. She deserves the truth.

“It’s no secret. I have a troubled past, and I struggled to get through it. No offense, but you wouldn’t have been able to help me the way she did. I never thought I could open up to anyone again or even find myself... But she did the impossible, and I could never thank her enough.”

“How? She seems so... I don’t know. Detached from everything.”

I laugh softly. She's so right. Lucy is a completely different person here.

"It's just a mask, you know. She's not like that in real life. She broke me down just to rebuild me. The bond we share is special. It's strong and, most importantly, based on trust."

"Okay," she replies, followed by a deep breath. "You seem happy... and in love, too."

"I am," I confirm with a small smile. "Losing her would destroy me."

She nods thoughtfully, taking her time before responding.

"What does she think of me? I feel like she doesn’t like me much. Maybe I'm wrong, but she seems to react very coldly toward me compared to the rest of your friends."

I chuckle. If only she knew. No one gets accepted on the first try. Still, I can't deny that every time Lucy crosses paths with her by my side, she looks like she could kill her with her eyes.

"She knows that you like me. I told her that at the very beginning, during a conversation."

"You told her what?" she chokes out. "Oh my God, that explains everything! She must hate me!"

I burst out laughing, drawing the attention of our teacher for the first time. He looks up to give us a stern glare. We've been working independently for half an hour, which is why we've been able to talk so freely. I calm down immediately, not wanting him to forbid all conversation or, worse, send us out of class.

"I wouldn't go as far as to say that. She's just jealous," I say, pointing to my neck. "But she doesn't hate you. She doesn't even know you."

"She hates me, and she has her reasons," she insists. "Oh my God, why did you tell her that!?"

I struggle to hold back my laughter. Her expression is priceless. If I could record it, I would. I catch our teacher's eye again, and his stare instantly silences me. I pretend to get back to work to avoid any further attention, but I glance at Alessia, who has also bent over her table.

"You're exaggerating. It was a dark time, and I was telling her a lot of things. What do you want me to say... I couldn't take back what she already knew."

"You could have kept it to yourself! Oh my God... What must she think of me now...? She’s going to kill me, for sure."

"Stop. You're being ridiculous."

I think I'm trying to reassure myself. As much as I comfort my girlfriend, she continues to fixate on my friend.

"She's trying to push me away from you, isn't she? Is that why she canceled our tutoring sessions?"

"Aren't you going a bit far?"

I take it lightly, but Alessia seems far from convinced, given her silence. After a moment, I sigh and continue speaking.

"No, she didn’t cancel our tutoring for that reason. She was helping me study long before you started doing it."

"Then why did you stop studying with her?"

"Because we had a falling out," I admit for the first time. "I wanted to distance myself to avoid getting hurt, but it ended up being a failure for both of us."

"Oh..." she replies, her expression showing that she suddenly understands.

"If she wanted to start tutoring me again, it was partly to reconnect, but also because my grades had dropped. My mood was one reason, but it's also because her study methods worked better for me."

"Are you saying I wasn't a good enough teacher?" she squints at me.

"No," I laugh. "Sorry. It's just that with her, I tend to daydream less, you know? She's more strict and serious."

She raises an eyebrow, making it clear that she doesn't entirely believe me. Alexia's words come back to me. They think I'm not really studying with her after class. I let out a heavy sigh.

"Look, I know you and your sister talk behind our backs."

I give her a moment to respond, but she doesn't, so I continue.

"I really do study with her after class, nothing more. I'm two years behind, Alessia. Don’t you think I have a lot of work to catch up on? Her help is invaluable, and I’m grateful to have her. She stays serious, even with our relationship. She doesn't mix the two."

"Really...?"

For the first time, she seems to be doubting herself. I know then that I've won, that she’s finally going to believe me.

"Yes, really," I confirm. "I have proof in my bag with a whole ton of exercise sheets she gave me to complete before the final exams."

"Is that why you asked the teachers for old chapters?"

"Yes. I need them to review, but also to refresh Lucy's memory."

"She studied management?" she asks, surprised.

"It's more complicated than that, but partially, yes."

"Okay..." she murmurs. "I guess you'll be meeting her tonight as well?"

"Yeah. Plus, today is a special day. It’s our one-month anniversary," I admit.

"Oh! Already? I thought it was less time..."

"No, no, it’s been a month," I confirm proudly.

"Well... I’m sorry for talking about you two."

"It's fine. I understand your reasons. I don’t leave you guys out on purpose, you know."

"I know... I just hope she won't ask you to end our friendship because of what she knows."

"She won't. She knows my friends are important to me, even if she gets jealous. You’re not the first one to go through this."

"If you could tell her that I accepted a long time ago that we’re just friends, it would help," she laughs softly.

"I’ll do that, I promise," I laugh along with her.

"I'm happy to count you as a friend, even if sometimes I feel like I don’t really know you."

"Oh?" I raise an eyebrow, surprised.

"Well... you talk about your past so much, but no one really knows anything. Don’t take it the wrong way, but it feels like there are missing pieces to the puzzle, you know? But it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to share, it’s very personal."

I nod, even though her words leave me deep in thought. Do Mapi and Alexia feel the same way? They’re my best friends, but they don’t know either. Unlike Alessia, they’ve never mentioned it. What if they think the same and just haven’t said anything?

"Anyway," she continues, pulling me from my thoughts, "you deserve happiness. If Lucy is your source of that, then hold onto her tightly."

I smile awkwardly, feeling uneasy from her last words.

"Thanks, Alessia."

"Miss Batlle, Miss Russo. Do I need to permanently change your seats to ensure you get your work done?"

I jump as our teacher stands in front of us. Fortunately, he grabs my sheet, not Alessia's, who, from what I saw, hasn’t made as much progress as I have. I feel increasingly proud to surpass her lately, even if I still doubt my answers. After examining my sheet, the teacher gives me a disapproving look, earning a cheeky smile from me. Judging by his expression, maybe I got it right after all.

"Get back to work," he says sharply. "It would be a shame to waste these last minutes and end up getting kicked out for the weekend."

He places my sheet back down and walks away. Alessia and I share a mischievous smile before getting back to work. If I get kicked out now, I’ll lose much more than a weekend, not to mention the scolding I’d get from my girlfriend. Finally, the last few minutes tick by, freeing us from these never-ending classes. Time is starting to drag, and I have to admit, I feel more and more uncomfortable in this stifling environment.

"Are you going to meet her?" Alessia asks me.

"Yeah," I reply, adjusting my bag on my shoulders. "I’d like to get my homework done so I can relax."

"I get it. Well, see you at dinner tonight."

"Yep, see you later."

I head off as she waits for her sister and Lotte. I quickly find myself in front of Lucy’s office. Surprisingly, the door is closed. I knock three times as usual and feel compelled to wait for the signal before entering. I'm caught off guard when I find Wiegman in my usual spot. A wave of panic washes over me, but seeing her relaxed demeanor, I realize she’s not here for the reasons I feared.

- "Hello, Ona," she greets me.

- "Hello..." I respond hesitantly.

- "How are you?" she asks, more out of politeness. "You're here for your revisions, I suppose? Miss Bronze mentioned it to me."

- "Uh... yes."

I look to Lucy for support, but all I get is a stern look before the director turns to her. She smiles as if nothing's out of the ordinary. From all this, I understand I need to play along.

- "I assume this is your spot," she says, standing up. "I'll leave it to you. Anyway, we're done here. Do you have any questions?"

- "No, I think that will be all," Lucy replies with a small smile. "Thank you for stopping by to give me the latest details."

- "It's no problem."

I wait by her side, expecting her to move so I can take my seat, but I realize we’re far from that when she turns to smile at me.

- "I’ve received a lot of good feedback about you this week. If we disregard the chatting, one might almost think you've become a model student. We're all pleased, so keep it up."

She pats my shoulder as if we're old friends, before finally deciding to leave with a final goodbye. I sigh and drop into the chair, the tension melting away. Lucy laughs softly.

- "It's not funny! I really thought she'd figured everything out! What was she doing here?"

- "She brought me the latest details for your upcoming outing in a few weeks. I thought she'd leave before you arrived, but you know how she is—once she starts talking, there's no stopping her."

- "Hmm..."

I groan in frustration. I don't like having my emotions toyed with like that. She teases me gently while I unpack my things. I’ve got a test next week and a few exercises, so I've got plenty to prepare tonight.

- "So, you're still chatting, huh?" she teases with a playful grin. "Maybe I should resume my punishments to remind you of the importance of class. Or perhaps I should request that you be moved when you're seated next to your friend."

I roll my eyes with exaggerated amusement.

- "Any excuse is good. I thought we weren’t mixing personal relationships with work, huh?"

- "I'm not mixing anything."

- "Oh really? Because I still sense a bit of jealousy in your words. Why only move me away from her when I talk just as much to her sister or Lotte?"

- "Are you suggesting I isolate you alone at a table? Though, that’s not a bad idea."

I laugh and shake my head. She's beyond reasoning at this point. But mentioning Alessia reminds me of the recent conversation I had with her.

- "Hey," I say calmly. "Can I ask your opinion on something?"

- "Of course."

- "Do you think Mapi and Ale might be upset with me because I’ve never told them about my past?"

Lucy furrows her brows.

- "Have they given you any reason to think that, either through their words or actions?"

- "No, no. It’s just that I had a conversation with someone. They kind of hinted that they don't know me well enough because they don't know what I went through before I came here... So, I started wondering."

- "That person sounds a bit too nosy, if you ask me."

I bite my lip. Thank goodness I didn't mention Alessia by name.

- "It’s just that they might not be entirely wrong. I know why all my friends are here."

The many conversations we’ve had at the table have allowed me to figure it out. The first ones I learned about were the Putellas siblings, thanks to Ale. Then I learned about Patri and Claudia, who grew drugs for their neighborhood. There’s also Lotte, who went through a rebellious phase after his dad left their home. She used to get into fights and committed some vandalism. Her mom didn’t hesitate long before enrolling her in this school to get her back on track. That story surprised me the most. I can’t picture her as a fighter. She’s so calm and quiet around us. Just goes to show how deceiving appearances can be. As for Leah and Alessia, their story is a bit more complicated. It took me a while before Leah opened up to me. I already knew it had something to do with drugs since my detox. She was knowledgeable, and that's what brought us closer back then. She told me in private that they lived in rough neighborhoods in London due to their family situation. To survive in school, they had to join their local gang with Alessia. Unfortunately, they got caught during a fight with another gang the same day their father landed a better-paying job in Manchester. This caused them a lot of trouble. With the help of their lawyer, they were released on the condition that they collaborate and join the Wiegman Camp. Of course, they accepted, as this also provided them with a free higher education while allowing them to follow their parents to Manchester@.

- "So what?" Lucy continues. "That doesn't mean your friends don't know you. The past doesn’t define a person entirely. It's also about how they handle situations, their reactions, and their way of thinking, for example. How do you think they know someone had a painful past, hmm?"

- "Well... I told them..."

- "Everyone can tell you've had a difficult past, Ona."

- "Really? Even without me saying it?"

- "You never told me, and yet I knew it the first day I met you. I just had to look at you. You were fearful, hiding it behind your tough defensive attitude."

I blush, remembering our first encounter. She had thrown me out of bed, and I had stood my ground. I thought she was looking down on me with her airs, but in the end, she just wanted to break through my shell from day one.

- "Who said they didn’t know you?" she asks again, determined to find out.

- "It doesn’t matter," I mutter.

- "Are you sure?"

- "Yes. I was just worried about Mapi and Alexia. I was afraid they might feel the same way. I don’t want them to think I don’t trust them or that they don’t know me well enough."

She sighs softly and leans forward to take my hand in hers. I immediately catch her gaze when I lift my head.

- "I imagine this person who made you feel this way wasn’t Alexia, if you’re saying this."

- "No... It wasn’t her."

- "Then that means it’s a friend you’re not as close to..." she muses aloud. "Whether it’s that person or even the girls, you don’t have to tell them anything unless you want to. The girls know you well enough. They understand your boundaries without knowing everything about what you’ve been through, am I right?"

I nod. Of course they do. But Alessia doesn’t, and I realize what Lucy is trying to tell me.

- "Telling them everything would just satisfy their curiosity... Because deep down, they already know you well enough."

I smile shyly, nodding. I understand her point. A past can shape us, but I don’t need to reveal it to know who I am. Our reactions and actions define us well enough. To think I almost had regrets because of Alessia.

- "Thank you."

Her response is to bring my hand to her lips for a kiss. Lucy’s romantic side is something I never would have guessed at the beginning of our relationship. I need to step up to meet her level of devotion.

- "You're very welcome, beautiful."

- "Do you think I should tell them...?"

- "They deserve to know what hurt you, especially Mapi, given all the support she’s given you. It’s the same for Alexia, I think. But you shouldn’t force yourself. Do it when you’re ready."

- "I-I think I am. I really love them so much. They’ve supported me through everything. Even with you. If there’s anyone I want to tell, it’s them."

- "Then tell them. I’ll be by your side if you need support."

I shake my head. If I’m going to do this, it has to be on my own. Even though I’d love her presence, I need to handle this by myself. It’s the only way for me to build my confidence.

- "I guess they’ll be getting a girls' night without you... if you don’t mind."

She laughs heartily and kisses my fingers again.

- "Not at all, baby. As long as you stay reasonable when I’m not around."

- "I promise. You know, we never really talked about it, but I appreciate how we've managed to bring our friends together like this."

- "Me too," she admits. "We’re creating our own little group, and it’s wonderful. It brings us even closer."

I smile, wholeheartedly agreeing with her. "Us." It's a word that still gives me butterflies when she says it. I can’t wait to officially start our life together.

[emperor-kumquat]

Hello there!!! How’s your day going so far emperor?

Old time fan here! I’ve been catching up on Some of my old transformers fandoms ever since I watched transformers one, and I remember about this awesome project you and many other creators made (btw your work is outstanding, Keep it up!!!) and I’m amazed at how much has changed and it makes me feel incredibly happy that my favorite transformers prime fan-storyline is still here! I remembered finding your videos when it was back in 2020 during quarantine. I always played through the beta version of “mercy” when it first came out and I remember feeling so excited for it; and I’d always wanted to best path for starscream be at least a good guy since he was my favorite character (and still is today)

And now seeing that the game is still in the works and seeing so many new bots is so exciting and happy to see the dedication to this!!! I know I have to catch up on the lore and stuff but it’ll be a fun experience for me, though I just wanted to ask a few questions before I end my first ever question that wasn’t anonymous,

Question 1: is there a discord server where I could possibly join? I want to make sure I could keep up with the latest updates for this project!

Question 2: I know I’ll need to read the Ao3 storyline for mercy but how does predaking and starscreams relationship grow over time during one of the paths? (I can’t remember but I think it was the one where predaking spears him and just keeps an eye on him— along with the predacons going to live in the wild or something? Can’t remember much lol)

And for my last question;

Question 3: Hows the process of “Mercy” going so far? Seeing all the art being made its absolutely stunning and beautifully done!

And that’s all the questions I have for now; until then I’ll be catching up on all the transformers lore that I’ve missed for so many years! I hope you’re having an amazing day Emperor!

————-J

Thank you so much for being a fan of Mercy! I still work on it almost every day! Editing the stories to improve quality, writing new content, drawing, instructing artists, etc.

Have you seen all the art on the Ko-Fi page? I post the commissions there, so there are hundreds of images to see!

For all the latest updates, here is the Discord server. Just so you know, there is a glitch when you enter that doesn't let you interact right away. Stay in the server until I can fix that for you, then you can write your introduction to unlock the whole server. Please read the rules too.

For the storyline you are referring to, I have fully written the story where the Predacons live in the wild of Cybertron with Starscream as their guide. It is THE Starscream story of Mercy and is a tale of friendship. Your adventure gets dangerous later on, so it turns into a fun survival game too! This is the written version of the choose your own adventure story. It's called "Discovery".

The main paths of Transformers: Mercy are on AO3. There are three full length story games available right now and the fourth is in progress. Check out my complete list of works and you may be surprised just how much has been completed since the beta part 1!

Mercy Part 1 (2020): A collection of the various starts to the game. A bit under construction right now to adapt to new plans. Quality is being improved (and the videos will be redone)

Space Adventure (2021): the choice to work with the Autobots on the landing site/spaceport at the end of Part 1. Travel to other worlds!

Reformed Predator (2022): the choice to eat Starscream in Part 1. Become a carnivorous monster then get therapy.

Discovery (2023): the choice to live in the wilderness at the end of Part 1. Explore beautiful lands and befriend Starscream.

Monstrous Heart (2024): the choice to work with the Autobots in the city at the end of Part 1. Discover the dark secrets of the Autobots and Decepticons, thwart the Vehicon mafia.

Right now I'm trying to do a lot of editing for my older content to improve it. I'm also doing a massive effort to prepare Part 2 videos for the Mercy stories so far. And doing my own Mercy art, annd I really need to write Monstrous Heart to completion this year! One novel-length game every year is the goal.

[pmaxshay]

Love Conquers All

Benedict Bridgerton x Reader (Fem)

~ Part 1 ~ ~ Part 2 ~ ~ Part 3 ~ ~ Part 5 ~

~ Part 6 ~ ~ The End ~

~ Part 4 ~ (It’s a long one!)

Y/N mulled over what her Father had just said as she made her way over to the Bridgerton’s.

On the surface she couldn’t help but be mad at him, she was dealing with her emotions at her own pace, he wasn’t allowed to dictate when and where she could be sad. However, deep down she knew that he had a point. She had been holding this repressed sadness and anger for so long now, it needed to come out, one way or another.

Before long she had noticed she was at the gates of Bridgerton house, making her way up the steps to knock on the door.

Servants ushered her inside and Mrs Wilson quickly disappeared to announce Y/N’s arrival to the family.

Y/N was ushered once more into the drawing room, awkwardly stood in the doorway as she waited to be greeted.

“Oh Y/N my dear! You are just in time. For Colin and Penelope have arrived, back from their travels with baby Elliot.” Violet exclaimed, her face flush with excitement and cheer.

Everyone had gathered around the happy couple and were cooing at the little boy in Penelope’s arms. Benedict being one of said people, wrapping his brother into a hug and then beaming at the child. As soon as Violet spoke Y/N’s name his head shot up to where she stood. A small smile crossing his lips. Benedict attempted to move closer but Colin beat him to it.

“So you are the famous Y/N we have heard so much about.” Colin beamed, bowing before her. Penelope followed. The two ladies curtsied together.

“I do not know about famous. I should say the same for yourselves. Pleasure to meet you all. Especially this little one.” Y/N chimed, lifting her hand to playfully boop Elliot on the nose. The little boy giggled and hid his face into Pen’s shoulder.

“Oh he likes you already.” Pen smiled.

“He has been fussy of late but maybe you are the answer Miss Y/N.” Colin smiled, rubbing a hand over his son’s head to soothe him.

“You speak too highly of me Colin but I thank you.” The group erupted into laughter and small talk.

Benedict continued to talk with his younger siblings but kept sharing glances over towards Y/N.

“Oh before I forget myself, I must insist that you come for dinner tonight with myself and Pa. We would be delighted to have you. All of you.” Y/N chimed, sharing looks with everyone with a smile.

“How very generous. That sounds delightful.” Hyacinth exclaimed.

“That is very kind. We would be honoured Y/N. Thank you. We must thank your Father also.” Violet, held her hands out for Y/N. They held hands as they both stood smiling.

Benedict couldn’t help but feel his heart skip and a nervous, sickly feeling rise in his stomach. It wasn’t negative though. It was almost like an excitement, excitement at the thought of being with Y/N in her home.

May hours later, the Bridgerton’s gathered around the Pembrooke’s dining table. Everyone talking amongst themselves as they drank and ate.

Violet sat at one end, bouncing a fussy Elliot on her knee. Richard sat at the other. Eloise could be heard berating her younger siblings to which everyone laughed. Colin sat beside Penelope, the two very much in love as they beamed whenever the other chose to speak.

Benedict fought Eloise previously to take the seat next to Y/N. The two gave each other questioning looks when he did so but Eloise gave in eventually.

“So Y/N how is your pianoforte?” Colin enquired, making polite conversation.

Y/N had just had a forkful of food so was caught off guard. Choking slightly.

“Apologies.” She began.

“No my apologies. I only ask as I saw a beautiful piano sat in the drawing room. I assume it is you that plays no?” Colin continued. The whole table falling silent, waiting for her answer.

The question was innocent enough and he had the right to ask. Y/N couldn’t help but feel hurt though. Said piano, had not been played since her Mama.

“I… uhh…” Y/N stumbled on her words. Richard knew all to well what was happening and shot Y/N a concerned but loving look.

The siblings all looked around awkwardly, not knowing how to proceed.

Benedict could sense how tense and affected Y/N seemed to have become and decided to jump in.

“I would assume that you are amazing at pianoforte Y/N but nothing would compare to our very own Francesca Bridgerton.”

Everyone nodded and agreed.

“She would be glued to a piano if she could.” Gregory joked.

“Okay hush now. She is not here to defend herself.” Violet chuckled.

Across the table Y/N placed a soft hand onto Benedict’s arm. She felt his body tense slightly but thought nothing of it.

“Thank you.” She whispered.

“You need not mention it.” Benedict smiled.

They shared what felt like a long moment of staring before catching themselves and returning to the conversation.

“What about Anthony? He is also not here so I would very much like to berate him.” Colin teased. Penelope playfully tapped his arm in annoyance.

“What? This is one rare occasion where we can say whatever we please and they would never know. Allow me this one simple pleasure, my dear wife?” Colin gave Pen puppy dog eyes to which she conceded.

“You two are so very sickly at times.” Benedict rolled his eyes in jest.

Colin picked up a carrot from his plate and launched it towards Benedict.

“Now now you two. You are gentlemen. Behave like so.” Violet warned.

“I think they are sweet.” Y/N leaned closer to Benedict. A small shudder enveloped his body at her closeness.

“And here I thought you were not a romantic Miss Y/N?” Benedict turned so he was facing her slightly.

Y/N retracted briefly, not excepting him to give her his full attention.

“I am not. I am merely happy to see others find what they are looking for.”

“And what is it you are looking for?” Benedict brought his glass to his lips and took a sip.

Y/N couldn’t help but watch as the liquid coated his lips and his Adam’s apple protruded out and back when he swallowed.

“I…” She began, swallowing harshly herself.

“I guess… I do not know.” She continued solemnly.

Benedict watched as her demeanour soured.

Festivities swiftly moved to the drawing room, everyone seated on the couches or standing around chatting.

Richard quickly stood up and tapped his glass to make a toast.

The men all whooped and hollered as he did so. Richard chuckling at their behaviour.

“I just wanted to say, I thank you all for coming this evening. It has been a fair time since we have had such… lively company.”

Everyone laughed at the comment.

“It has been just myself and my wonderful daughter for quite some time now…” He began pausing to gather himself. Clearing his throat he continued.

Benedict watched Richard but stole a glance at Y/N when he mentioned her. A smirk forming on his lips.

“It is a delight to have some life and happiness back in our home. To which I am eternally grateful to you all. And grateful for the kindness and friendship you have shared with us both.” Richard raised his glass, as did everyone else.

Y/N joined but used her free hand to wipe away a small tear that had fallen on her cheek. She quickly excused herself for a moment.

Benedict had not stopped watching her and saw the action clearly. Immediately moving to chase after her.

“I should go see if she’s okay.” Eloise placed her glass down and began to move.

“No!” Benedict replied somewhat harshly. Everyone gave him questioning looks.

“I shall go. You are all having such a wonderful evening. I’ll make sure she’s okay.”

Violet had now placed a hand on Eloise’s arm. Pulling her back. In the matriarch’s eyes you could see that she knew… something was beginning.

Benedict bowed and left the room. Searching for his newfound friend. Quickly he found her in the library, her body turned towards a large window.

Cautiously, he walked into the room. Clearing his throat to let her know he was there. She turned and sniffed. Wiping away even more tears that had escaped.

“Apologies Benedict. I did not mean to tear you away from the evening.”

“You need not apologise. I spend so much of my time with my family, I can afford to be away for a moment.” He joked, wanting to ease the tension.

Y/N laughed softly. A sound that Benedict was quickly learning to adore.

“I will not pry dear Y/N. However, I do hope you feel as though you are able to share anything with me. I do hold you in high esteem.” He stepped closer.

“Thank you. Benedict you are too kind. It is.. incredibly complicated.”

He sighed, feeling as though she was still holding out. He did not want to push her though.

“I… I just feel I need to be someone else. Or somewhere else. Does that make sense?” Y/N admitted.

Benedict knew this feeling well, so much of his life felt as though he could do so much more and maybe being away from Mayfair would help. Help with his inspiration and finding a muse.

“It makes perfect sense.” The cogs in his brain began turning and he quickly knew how to proceed.

“Y/N?” He cooed. Softly moving closer so that he stood almost flush against her.

“Hmm.” She turned now so that she faced him. She had not expected him to be as close as he was and jolted slightly.

“Do you trust me?” He whispered. The tension in the air became thick. She couldn’t help but watch his lips as they mouthed the words.

She could do nothing but nod. Her mouth becoming dry.

“Truly?” Benedict couldn’t help but smile slightly. Knowing she trusted him gave him that nervous feeling once more.

“Truly.”

Quickly, he held out his palm, without hesitating she placed her hand in his. Feeling a jolt of electricity travel up her arm and all through her body.

“I want to show you something.”

Still hand in hand, the new duo managed to sneak out of the house and hail the carriage.

Benedict held onto Y/N’s hand as she made her way in. He followed, sitting down opposite her.

“Benedict what if someone sees? Or the footmen?” Y/N asked worriedly.

“It is alright. They are used to my… activities. They will not tell.”

Y/N quirked her brow at his use of the word ‘activities.’

“The footmen or the Ton?” Y/N managed to tease. Smirking at the handsome, eligible man sat opposite her.

Benedict was somewhat shocked by her boldness but let a smirk slip.

“I knew I liked you.”

The carriage eventually came to a stop, the footmen opening the door. Benedict left first, leaping out of the doors to hold out his hand once more.

Y/N laughed at his playfulness before being pulled by his hand.

The two made their way down the cobbled street before Benedict stopped in front of a wooden, warmly lit door. He fished a key out of his waistcoat pocket and twisted it into the lock. It clicked and Benedict pushed the door open.

He gestured with his arm for Y/N to enter. His hand hovered over the small of her back as she moved. As much as they made no contact, the two of them could feel the heat radiating from the action.

Benedict glanced around the street before entering himself. The door closing behind them.

Y/N stood in the equally as warmly lit hallway, waiting for Benedict to explain. He said nothing and gestured for her to enter the doorway on her right. She gave him a confused look but did as she was told.

Her legs carrying her into a large space, that was filled with lots of parchment scattered around. On tables, on the floor and pinned around the walls. Multiple easels sat in the middle of the room, circled around a plinth that had a plush settee atop it. The settee was covered in creased sheets and blankets, clearly that had been used multiple times.

Y/N turned to face Benedict and gave him a concerned look.

“Do not worry. It is safe here. I merely thought… as you said you wanted to be elsewhere to not think about anything. I brought you here. To the studio. I pleaded with Anthony let me purchase it. Somewhere for me to get away. To draw.” He sauntered across the space, softly tracing the parchment that lay across the tables.

“It is… beautiful.” Y/N managed to speak.

“Thank you.” Benedict smiled. He stopped and turned to face her. His back now leaning against one of the tables, his palms flat by his side, on the countertop.

Watching him now, Y/N could feel the dryness in her mouth once more. The nervous, sickly feeling in her stomach and her heart beating feverishly.

It is no lie that she had always noticed how handsome he is. From that first glance at the ball she knew him to be beautiful. It wasn’t until now she realised how much his beauty was affecting her. The heat began to rise in her whole body.

Benedict was well versed in the human body and almost every variation of it. He knew that Y/N was being affected by him. He could see it in the way she awkwardly shuffled and tried to swallow dry, harsh breaths. The subtle but still noticeable dilation of her pupils and then slight raise of goosebumps on her bare arms.

He smirked to himself but wasn’t going to push her any further than she wanted.

“Forgive me Y/N but I am curious to know, you and your Pa? How long has it been just the two of you?” He had wondered such a question for a while now.

Y/N was caught off guard by his bluntness.

“I…” She stuttered.

“Please… I know we have not known each long but I can sense when someone is hiding. I am very good at it myself. You do not have to tell me but I have a strong sense that you maybe… want to tell someone.”

As much as it was painful and would hurt to actually talk about it, Y/N knew that Benedict would be the perfect person to tell. He himself has demons and has implied so multiple times. Maybe he can help or if not that, just listen.

Y/N took a deep breath in.

“My Mama.” She began.

Benedict sucked in a sharp breath himself. Preparing himself.

“It was five years ago. She… she…” She began to falter, finding it hard to talk about.

Benedict quickly walked over and grabbed her hands, holding them close to both their bodies. This small but soft gesture allowed Y/N to continue.

“She was pregnant. My baby brother or sister. Everything was well. Both were healthy.”

Benedict soothed her by swiping his thumbs over the soft skin of her hands.

“That was until… the baby was to arrive. There was so much happening. I feared for my Mama. They thought I was asleep but I heard it all. The cries and screams. And then…”

She took a long pause, gathering more strength to proceed.

“The silence.”

Benedict had tensed his whole body while he listened. It wasn’t until she spoke those words that he let out the softest sounds.

“Oh Y/N.” He whispered.

“I am… I cannot even begin to… I am deeply sorry for your loss.” He don’t know what to say but this was what escaped his mouth.

Y/N could do nothing but cry. Streams of tears flowed from her eyes as she stayed silent. Benedict acted quickly and pulled her into his warmth. His hands detaching from hers and wrapping around her shivering frame.

“I have got you. My dear Y/N. Thank you for sharing that with me. I am honoured that you trust me enough to enlighten me so.” He hummed, his chin sitting atop of her head. Her face buried in his chest. From this position she could hear his heartbeat. It was beating feverishly, the same rhythm as her own.

“I too, have lost. My father. Edmund.” Benedict wanted to be honest with her. This is something that they, unfortunately, have in common. The loss of a parent.

Y/N pulled away from his chest and lifted her head to look at him.

“Oh Benedict. I had guessed when I first visited your home. I did not want to presume however. I too am sorry for your loss.”

He nodded solemnly.

“It is a loss that shook us all. I was fairly young but still remember it well. Anthony took the brunt I fear. I can imagine, as you were alone it must have been so much worse. I very much detest that you had to go through such heartbreak alone.”

Hearing the sincerity in his voice and seeing the pure concern on his face sent shivers down Y/N’s spine. Surveying all of his handsome features this close made everything else disappear momentarily. Her thoughts became hazy except for him. Him and this moment.

“Y/N…” Benedict managed to whisper through his own haziness. Everything she was feeling was most definitely reciprocated by him. Neither of them however, could know how the other were truly feeling.

[delicious-in-imagines]

ur blog is so cool!! can you try holm (maybe jealous?) with a reader who he thinks is into kabru bc of his endless charm? with a happy ending pls <3

Waaa! Thank you!!

(Also man, three requests with Holm in them in a row???? The Holm Nation is eatin' good tonight!)

As always, requests are still OPEN!

Holm Kranom

The two of you were thick as thieves, sharing little comments and friendly jabs about the others between the two of you. Plenty of gentle moments had passed between the two of you, and Holm had started to feel the tell-tale sensation of his heart skipping when he laid his eyes on you, or heard you laugh when Marillier would nudge against you with a soft 'bloop'.

He respected you too much to take the first leap without knowing for certain - but certainty was the one thing that he lacked in that moment. Too often he'd see you sharing your wonderful laughter with Kabru, a natural reaction to the man's comments. He wasn't blind, he knew that Kabru was charismatic and attractive - but that didn't make the ache in his chest any easier to bear.

He wouldn't fight you, if that was where your heart lie. It would hurt him and eat away at him, but your happiness was far more important to him. Even his undine would notice this change in him, her curious chiming and nudging against his face as he watches you from afar.

This would spark a change in him that you would notice, as he withdraws somewhat to give you the chance to spend more of your time with, who he assumes, is the object of your affections. This change is unwelcome however, as you begin to notice your shared interactions becoming sparser and sparser.

Which, if you have anything to say about it, won't last for long...

"Would you like to enlighten me on why you're ignoring me?"

Holm nearly jumps out of his skin as your voice echoes throughout the hall, and while he freezes up in his traditional way, Marillier wriggles happily in the air and floats over to you. You smile and gently offer up a finger to her to share some mana, though you don't let her excitement to see you distract you from your mission.

Finally, the gnome catches his bearings, and he tries not to let his anxiety at being caught show on his features... though, he's always been a terrible liar. He wonders if he should even try, though with a sigh, he decides that fessing up might be the best course of action.

"I just thought you'd rather share your time with some other members."

He answers truthfully, blinking in surprise as you settle yourself on the floor beside him. The look that you give him is incredulous, at best, and downright disbelieving at worst.

"Uh-huh." You hum, entertaining his thoughts for a moment. "Because any of the other's can hold a candle to you."

Holm splutters at the words, his head whipping to you as you laugh - though the sound isn't unkind.

"Oh, come on! Do you think I'm blind? I was talking to Kabru about you you know."

He's stunned further into silence, and when he stares at you for a long moment, you sigh, shaking your head with an exasperated fondness.

"I was talking to him about..."

"About?" He urges you to continue, finally managing to find his voice once again. You stare down at your hands for a long moment before turning to look him in the eye, a glint of determination held there, though his mind unhelpfully settles on the dust of flush across your features, and nearly misses the next words to come out of your mouth.

"About how to tell you about my feelings." You spit out, watching his face expectantly. The silence hangs between the two of you, though Marillier has no understanding of propriety in the situation. She chimes happily at the fact the two of you are near one another once again, which draws both of your attentions, and you both can't help but laugh at her antics.

"But I thought you liked Kabru...?" Holm finally asks, to which you shake your head.

"Nope, I just thought he may have some good advice for me - and it looks like he was right." He cocks a brow at you, and you continue to explain. "He, uh... might have clued me in - that you probably felt the same. He told me to just, get right to the heart of the matter!" You exclaim, thumping your fist into your palm, to which the undine wriggled in response. You look to Holm, who's feeling the warmth settle in his cheeks from your confession.

"Well... it looks like I have to thank Kabru." He hums, jumping as you laugh and thunk your head onto his shoulder. You look up at him, giving him a reserved expression, though the endearment was lingering in your eyes.

"And?" You ask, and he rubs his hands together slightly, shifting you slightly to the side to bring an arm over and around your shoulders. You practically melt against him, and you don't even need to hear the next words to know that his heart beats with yours.

"Of course I feel the same... you don't even need to ask."

[divinit3a]

hi!! time for an introduction :3

✸basics

call me pom! }> o _ u ☆ ☆ they/he | 25 | lovefool ☆ artist, hobbyist writer, full of silly schemes fun fact alert! i made my mascot a pomeranian bc that was the first icon i made for my ao3 years&years ago. any pom gets wifi fans left out there?

✸the wares i peddle

art #pom draws || writing #pom writes || memes/goofs #sillies rambles/asks #pom yaps || fic/AU recs #cafe menu ☆ sona / mascot ref

currently writing just keep playing along || #playing along (sfw, BUT tw: violence, mechanical horror) & the mechanics assistant || #mechanics assistant (sfw, BUT tw: robot gore, supernatural horror, haunting hijinks)

asks are open and i am always down to yap ^-^ <3

i enjoy creating reader x DCA scenarios as a mischievous narrator. let me put folks in Situations ^-^ !!! if ya like whatever i do, take it and make your own art/writing!! if you want to use my artwork as icons, wallpaper, etc, you have my permission! i'd love to be asked/informed, tho... <3 just dont repost!! i would be honored to be tagged for any adjacent art/writing... (づ_ど) a dream come true.

i draw sweetness (yay) and horror (yippie) and perhaps, succumb to my urge to animate sound bytes that live in my head rent free.

reblog account!! yay!!! i dont know how to use tumblr anymore, help this grandpa out OTL

✸lay down the law

i rejoined tumblr to hop into the DCA community & make friends! yall are sweet!! ☆

there will be elements of mechanical horror/robot gore, and it will always be tagged as such.

i understand that minors will follow/interact with this blog, though its contents are intended to be (16+) while im happy to encourage young creatives on their artistic journey, im afraid we cant be friends if you are a minor. please unfollow/block me if you need to!

i dont personally draw/write explicit nsfw, but artwork/writing may be scary or spicy. as a treat. reblogs and fic recs will be marked as nsfw/sfw.

blog is intended for FNAF!! sorry, i dont know the webseries... but feel free to still treat my art as whatever u fancy :3 i aint the fun police!!!

other interests i have are: Pokemon, Vocaloid, Sonic, Undertale, Yes Man Fallout NV I Miss you Come Back -- so there might be overlap/inspiration !!!

✸my cup of tea

i love horror, looove, and absolute tomfoolery. silly, surreal situations are perhaps my favorite ones to orchestrate. y/n is simply another barbie on the chessboard ^-^ ;; lets play toyce?

focusing on the robotics. waiter give me ten more please

i adore everyone's AU's and renditions of the DCA!! every time i find a new one i am amazed by ppls creativity!! i am eating every single cake deliciously. i hope to draw fanart of the all the fics i love, but i fear there are many. so many.

✸thanks for havin' me!!

[lovebvni]

holaaa!! (dr rant + just an appreciation post)

(TW SLIGHT HINT TO GROOMING)

soo i’m shifting soon and i decided that im going to make my first album when i get there (LIKE START JT, DUDE. START IT. IM SO EXCITED) there’s going to b an ep i’m going to finalize when i get there and it will be released on the 26th of the month i get there (as it is kinda a diss on a MAN who was 26 when we dated… i was a minor still.)

i’m also gonna make a family tree because i’m really bored (and i also kinda js wanna see all my siblings yk? im gonna draw them all soon bc like AUGH AJAJDKDJ I MISS THEM!!!)

omgz i’m so excited dude!!

(appreciation below!!)

also i saw billie eilish in my dream last night. one of the funniest and sweetest people i know 😭 SHARK WAS ALSO IN THAT DREAM HES SO SWEET ‼️‼️ god i wish i could hug them today, just right now. yall don’t understand how much billie and finneas have been through together, and im so proud of how far they made it. i love you both, and although you won’t see this post in this reality, i know you will when we r together :DDD u guys make me so happy, so inspired, and just a better person overall. also huge thank you to billie in helping me with directing my music videos and being featured in one of my favorite songs — ripple effect. thank you finneas for just 😭 for keeping her alive, giving her a passion, and being so protective and supportive of her.

i’m so excited to b friends w both of them n js talk to them daily — it’s so fun.

i’m also super duper excited to meet one of my closest friends — nile — in person finally!!!! it’s been like 3 years of shifting together, and i know she’s excited too. i know she’s reading this, btw so i love u sm nile and thank u for being such a great and perfect friend throughout this whole journey. i truly don’t think i would still be kicking without you. i owe you the world, and i know you’re going to be blessed with many MANY things in the coming months, and the years following will be some of your best, but that’s only a taste of what is truly to come.

i’m so proud of you, and i’m also so round of everyone that has been clinging onto shifting even though it hurts. i’m always here for you. i love you all so so much. i want the best for you, and i know you’re going to get it. i’m always here to help in ANY way i can. ask me anything, i promise you i will answer with the wisdom God and the universe has given me!!

i cannot express my gratitude to my father, loki, enough. i don’t know how to even put it into words. he’s been there at my hardest, he’s been there at my best. i don’t think i would actually even be this far without him either. he’s one of the silliest and sweetest people ive ever met. i can’t believe he’s my FATHER you guys!! ITS SO COOL AUGHH

i also have so many people here i need to thank, there’s more that i can think of right now but just know i love and appreciate every one of you guys.

staring with @smellofemale!! you were such a sign when i met you. i don’t think i’ve met a christian shifter — you’re the only one i still talk to if i have! im just so so sooo blessed to have met you. i don’t know what to say, dude! i love you so much. you’re so sweet, so kind, and so inspiring. i love you!

@eneablack although you’re one of my newest friends, you’re another really really inspirational one. you’re so open about your struggles with shifting, even though you’ve had success time and time again. it shows me and many others how shifting sometimes is a hard thing to get used too, even with successes under your belt!

@daisys-reality! if you don’t know them, FOLLOW IMMEDIATELY PLEASE OMGGJAJSN she gives some of the best and most accurate readings i could ever ask for. also her drs (specifically her mermaid one) have inspired me so much!!

@kanachaka UR AO COOL BRO I JS LOVE SEEING UR POSTS AJSJDKDJD

@kazylynn i love u sm!! u rlly show me i can be an inspiration to others, and that’s something i’ve hoped for all my life. i want to be a good, helpful person — and i love you for showing me i can be.

@babybearthepsychic a few months ago you gave me a free reading that was just so accurate and so real. i don’t know if i would still be on this spiritual journey without it, because i was at one of my hardest points then. i cannot believe how just truly accurate and kind you are. i love you so much, you’re doing amazing. i wish i could give you the biggest hug, and i could donate like a million dollars to u rn but i literally don’t have a job 😭

@zipperrants i don’t think i rlly need to explain this… dude i thought u we’re so cool even when u we’re js interacting with @maddies-chronicles and i rlly wanted to interact w u so bad but i was so so scared bro!! and thank u hale for giving me the opportunity to meet them!!

@accidentalshifter YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MANY PEOPLE U REPRESENT IN THIS RESLITY — YOURE ONE OF THE FIRSR ADULT SHIFTERS I SAW ON HERR AND IM SO SO SO SO SOOO FUCKING HQPPY YOURE SO OPEN ABOUT IT! you’re just so free and it’s beautiful. i love you so much

and there are so many more but i just.. im gonna cry i love you all tooo much.. please know u all mean so much to me and i can’t wait to tell u so many stories when i get back, and help u guys shift. i am working so hard to post more, and i pray this post can help me become more active.

so so so much love, to everyone in this community, you’re so wonderful. may the gods bless you.

so much love, peace and joy

the abyss

[hangmanssunnies]

Good Comes In 3

House We Share: Double Tap, Sfumato, Good Comes In 3

Summary:  You and Jake navigate what it means to spend six months apart. Then, when he does come home, you two have to evaluate precisely what feelings you have for each other and also what a future together could mean. You just aren't sure he will ever forgive you for starting a puzzle without him. 

Pairings: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Fem! Civilian! Reader, minor Javy "Coyote" Machado x OC

Word count: 34K

AO3 Link

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending, Abuse (Implied), Slow burn, routines and compulsions, Jigsaw puzzles, Rejection, Drinking, Arguments, Yearning, Deployment, communication, Fertility problems, miscarriage (discussed), menstruation (discussed and lightly described), close female friendships, Depressive episodes, PTSD, roommates to lovers, love confessions, hyper-specific!Jake, Neurodivergent coded! Jake. Please let me know if I missed any for this part; I know it is a long one.

An: Unfortunately, this last part was too long to post altogether here on Tumblr. So I have included the first half here, the rest can be read on AO3 though. My first reblog of this here on Tumblr has the other half as well. I apologize for the inconvenience.

Thank you for taking this journey with me. Thank you all for loving this version of Jake. There were so many things I wanted to include and finish off for these two. While I couldn't include everything, I hope you enjoy what I did.

Thank you so much if you take a chance to read this work. I hope you enjoy it. My inbox is always open if you want to let me know your thoughts. Reblogs with your thoughts, opinions, and tags are gold to me. I love reading through them.

"Jake looked tired. Has he told you how he's been sleeping?" Marlee asks you curiously while chatting with you on the phone. The question causes your stomach to roll in a deep dive, and it takes you a moment to find the composure to respond. 

"No, I haven't heard," you manage to tell her. Setting down the piece of fruit you had been about to eat, you lean back against the kitchen counter. 

"Ah, well, will you ask him about it whenever you next talk? He wouldn't answer Javy or me about it when we asked."

"You and Javy are joined at the hip, practically the same person sometimes. Do you find that shocking?" You ask Marlee teasingly. Marlee chuckles at your comment. Her smile betrays her true feelings, though she likes how in sync she and Javy are generally considered. 

"We are sometimes." Marlee concedes but then says frankly, "But even when Javy had his individual call with Jake, he wouldn't say. And you are the only other person I can imagine him opening up to," 

"I'll mention it next time I talk to him," you manage to say. It would just be one of the many things that you were supposed to be talking to Jake about on his deployment. It was easier to go along with their assumption than to flay your chest open and let the hurt you felt pour out. 

Sometimes it's better, easier, to keep the kind of pain you felt to yourself. Bundled close and protected. To expose it would just make it hurt all the more. The idea of anyone, especially your closest friends, knowing you weren't important enough, or you had scared Jake away, or made some other mishap was mortifying. How could you go about explaining what had transpired? You weren't sure you could explain it. Also, Javy and Marlee had plenty of other things and people to worry about without having to add you higher on their list than you were already placed. You felt bad each week when one of them called you to check in begging, sometimes demanding that you hang out with them. 

"Okay, I'll talk to you later then, babes. I love you!"

"I love you too, Marlee," you say, giving her the sweetest, kindest tone you can muster up. You end the call and walk over to the chalkboard in the kitchen. 

Jake normally would draw seasonal decorations on it, but you had cleared it to be blank for notes months ago. The only thing on the board is a list you had titled: things to talk to Jake about. You add 'sleeping habits' to the bottom and frown. Reading through the list makes tears prick at the back of your eyes, and a lump forms in your throat. You hold the eraser poised for a moment, ready to trash the entire list, but you don't manage to follow through and drop the eraser, letting it fall to the ground. 

You walk through the house, checking the locks and turning off the lights. The sadness and frustration you feel in you is still bubbling as you pass where Jake had unceremoniously left the large Juniper chest. You glare at it just like you do every night. 

The morning Jake left, he'd woken you up with his thumb tracing your pulse point. His soft mostly lidded eyes trained on you, neither of you said anything just laying there quietly memorizing the moment. Neither of you could bear to get up until after the third alarm rang. The sun still hadn't crested the horizon when Jake went to shower. While he was occupied you stole one of his large Navy shirts that had been washed so many times it was soft. You are reluctant to leave his room, but make your way to the kitchen starting some breakfast and Jake's morning tea. You were just adding the dollop of honey he likes when he came downstairs, fully dressed and ready to leave you. 

Jake thanked you sweetly, with a kiss pressed to your cheek. In the same breath he tried to steal the whisk out of your hand. You danced out of way holding the whisk out like a sword to ward him off. He had quickly grabbed the masher from the utensil jar and brandished it in response. Amusement filling his features. After a small chase around the kitchen which included a small clash of utensils, Jake got his way. You loved the way Jake's eyes crinkled and how charming his dimples and smile lines were. It was a look you almost always got anytime you let him do things for you. Jake had still let you help though, asking you to toast the sourdough bread, while he whipped the avocado, goat cheese, and honey together. Once it was the constituency he liked, Jake spread it on the toast sprinkling some sea salt on top. He made one for you as well, but you had already started cooking three eggs for him, and didn't really have an appetite. After Jake ate, you spent every minute waiting for Coyote to arrive for pick up wrapped tightly in Jake's arms.  

"There is one last thing I need before I go," Jake had said. 

"I can't give it to you this time," you said muffled, trying hard not to cry on his whites. 

"Just one smile." Jake pleaded with his large warm hand lifting your chin so he could stare at you intently again. 

"No, Jake." He frowned at your answer, eyebrows pulling tight together. 

"I suppose I've reached my limit on things I can take from you." Jake puffed out with a quiet sigh. The tip of Jake's nose had dragged softly across your forehead before pressing a soft kiss to the center. He lingered there, breathing you in.

"Thank you for everything, my sweet," Jake whispered quietly. 

Your breath hitched in your throat, and you tried to pull him as close and tight to you as possible again. Jake allowed you to hug him, but he didn't relax into the embrace like he normally would have. He was almost stiff in your hold, but one of his hands traced slowly over your back in a soothing motion. When Coyote's headlights had inevitably shown through the frosted window on the door, Jake carefully detangled himself from your arms. He lingered though practically trembling. 

"I can't do it," Jake whispered, leaving his forehead pressed to yours. 

"It's not optional, and there isn't anything Hangman can't do. Let alone something you've done before," you reassured him. It didn't seem to work as he tensed up more.

"Promise me you'll be okay," Jake had begged you. You had nodded yes in response, saying the word would have tasted too close to a lie. Jake's nose nudged yours and he asked again. The second time was much closer to a desperate demand, "promise me." 

"If you be safe," you had compromised, wanting to savor every second ticking by that you would never get back. This last time you would be in the same space sharing the same air, for an undetermined amount of time. With a resolve you knew you didn't possess, Jake mouthed the words goodbye he was so close that his lips brushed yours as he did so. With a shaky inhale, Jake stepped away from you. His first two steps hadn't hurt so much, but the third as he exited the front door took all the air with him, including the bit trapped in your lungs. It was a sense of instant emptiness you had never experienced before. Everything you wanted to do seemed impossible when you couldn't even breathe. So there was no running after him for one more stolen moment, no collapsing against the floor, sobbing until your throat was raw, no more reassuring green eyes you could look to for comfort. 

The hollow feeling that nestled into you was hard to find your balance with. You had thrown the lock on the door and stumbled through the house, ready to retreat back into Jake's bed. Well aware his scent would be gone sooner rather than later, you were determined to imprint as much of it to memory as possible. You are blindsided by pain shooting up your foot as you unexpectedly stubbed your toe. Cursing and looking down you realized there was now a new piece of furniture. Jake had left a hand made juniper chest Jake left sitting in the area between the living room and dining room. On top was a small note card with a watercolor of two very detailed puzzle pieces. 

You stare so hard at the water colored pieces trying to parse their meaning the focus of your visions started to blur. The rapid blink forced tears to lubricate the area. However, when there is one tear there are others quick to follow. Just as a tear had splashed against the edge of the card you recognized the duplicates of the last two pieces you and Jake had double tapped into your last puzzle. On the back of the card stock was the drawn design of the chest, with all of Jake's neat measurements noted. You traced over his neat handwriting, and you were quick to quell your disappointment not finding more. That confusion and disappointment was impossible to ignore when you had gone to see what was inside and it was locked, the latch refusing to open. 

Now, after 6 and ½ months of radio silence, the chest taunted you. His entire deployment, there hadn't been a single word to you. Your only source of information was occasionally hearing from Coyote and Marlee about how Hangman was doing. And there was the memory of him, a large empty house, and a locked chest that was too heavy for you to move. 

You kick the side of the chest as you walk past it. It has become a tradition for you – this small abuse of the furniture while pacing before bed was a small soothing habit that helped you work some of your worries out. Once the feeling of missing Jake had settled into a dull, steady pain there was room for anger. You were furious and the only thing you had to take it out on was this beautiful work of craftsmanship. Unshockingly, the chest had been well made – because why would Jake make something that was easy to take your anger out on. He couldn't even give you that small concession. Even though you aren't as angry anymore, kicking the chest has become a part of your nightly routine. 

The chest didn't just bother you because it was locked or a surprise gift you hadn't asked for. It also bothered you because of what it was made from. The juniper wood Jake used didn't match the boards he used for the puzzle table, which was a more common light juniper. The boards for the chest were such a deep red it looked purple. Jake made it from one of the logs that you had helped him strip. Seeing the chest felt like a reopening weeping sore; one bleeding from a formally treasured memory that was nestled close to your heart. 

…

Saturday mornings were always a wild card with Jake.It was the one day of the week you could never be 100% sure what his plans were. There were staples you could expect like his morning run, but after that who knew? Sometimes he would have plans to see his friends, other times he had a project, list of chores, plans with his "little brother", manuals to read or some other all day activity. He liked it to be all day. So Sometimes you liked to just lounge in the living room waiting to see what he was going to do before making any plans of your own. 

 "Hey, I'm going on a drive and run some errands. Anything you want me to pick up?" Jake says to you when he comes down the stairs one Saturday morning. 

"Oh, can I come with?"  

"Sure, if you want. It's going to be boring though," Jake warns you. 

"No, it won't," You protest, standing up and stretching. "I'd rather be with you. As long as you don't mind me tagging along?"

"Yeah, of course, sugar. I never mind when you tag along." Jake says with a wide smile. 

"Well, what's the errand so I know how to dress?"

"I'm going to meet an old friend." 

"Oh my god. Please be less ominous Jake"

"What would you like to hear, sugar?"

"Who exactly are we meeting?"

"We are meeting up with my friend, Jess." 

"And?"  

"And, and, and," Jake says, twirling his hand around the air before dramatically pointing to his watch. "We are already 4 minutes behind our schedule. I'll tell you right now that this is cutting into our farmers market time." "Farmer's Market is on the list?" 

"Of course it is sugar. And so is Target," Jake says in his ‘duh-voice’ that you actually hate, but also you love because it reminds you how easy this is supposed to be. How it's not supposed to be a second thought. The things you like are included and planned for without you having to ask.

You are scrambling up the stairs to get ready when Jake calls after you. "You don't actually have to rush!! I'll make up time on the road."

"You know I don't support your excessive speeding Jake!" you call back, grabbing what you thought you would need. 

"Bring socks for your heavy boots!" When you make it back downstairs Jake is tapping his pen aggressively against a notepad. 

"What am I going to need boots for?" You ask him suspiciously while going through your items. 

"Do you want car snacks? I packed some, and we can always stop to pick something else up." Jake asks you glancing up from his paper. 

"We don't have to have snacks; I know you don't like eating in the truck." 

Jake just shrugs and opens the door to the garage for you. "It's not a big deal, I'll add the car wash to my list for tomorrow." 

"I also got your truck slippers so you don't have to wear your boots for the drive," Jake tells you. It's so sweet you want to grab him in a tight hug. You squeeze your hands tight instead, waiting for the urge to pass. Jake helps you up into the passenger side of the truck. Just as he said, the soft fuzzy blanket you like, and the slippers Jake got you are laid out waiting. Jake helps you out of your boots and into the slippers, setting them in the back seat for later. Once you are fully settled and buckled, Jake closes your door. He checks that the garage door is locked before jumping in the truck himself. 

"Was I quick enough for you not to aggressively speed?" you ask when Jake gets into the driver's side and checks his mirrors. 

"I would hardly call it speeding," Jake complains. 

"It's a number above the speed limit sign. Therefore, it's speeding." You say, explaining it.  

"I literally fly ten times as fast as car speeds. Well, more like 9.9 but still when you round up. It's ten." Jake responds, 

"That is no excuse to be going 120 miles an hour, Jake." You say while rolling your eyes. 

"I'm just saying. I am perfectly capable of controlling a fast vehicle," he argues. 

"That's fine, and I am not invalidating that. However, you know just as well as I do, that everyone else doesn't have that same ability."

"You are so sassy!" Jake teases, clearly deciding to let the faux argument go. 

"I'm the sassy one? Sure," you say sarcastically, drawing out the word. However, you also decide to let it go. Instead you enjoy the start to your drive, getting music going and adjusting the temperature controls until they are just right. 

"So," you say after a bit, drawing out the word. "What are we driving to do?"

"It's nothing," Jake responds with a shrug. 

"Really? Nothing is the justification to wear the work boots you got me?"

"You can't live with a bit of mystery, can you?" Jake asks, but there is affection laid into his words. 

"No," You concede with a joking sigh, "which is what makes you so infuriating sometimes."  

"I do strive to live as a man of mystery," Jake says amused.  

"Oh really, is that what your next move is? Retire, so you can become an American James Bond?" You tease him. 

"I'll admit it. You got me figured out. What gave it away?" Jake asks jokingly but not as quiet as bright as before. You shoot him a look, but his smile is still firmly in place. 

"Honestly?" You ask him hesitantly. 

"Yes Ma'am. They do say honesty is the best policy."  

"It's the fact that you refuse to grow facial hair. I'm convinced that it's because you want to save that for a disguise." You say, almost giggling trying to picture Jake with a beard or mustache. You expect Jake to laugh too, but he doesn't. After a slightly too long pause, he forces out a strangled laugh, and you realize that you've misstepped somehow. 

"Talk about it or leave it?" You offer trying to sound natural and keeping the pushiness you felt gnawing on you out of your voice. Jake takes a deep measured breath, exhaling out slowly through his nose. He drums a staccato on the steering wheel before responding. 

"Can we leave it please?" Jake eventually requests. 

"Facial hair or James Bond?" You ask, wanting to clarify. 

"Both, please." 

"Can do." 

"Thank you," Jake breathes quietly. Then he offers his right hand to you across the center console. You only wait a moment before slipping your fingers to slot in with his. He squeezes your hand affectionately and you both seem to take a deep breath to try and ease some of the uncomfortable tension. Jake's thumb tracing softly against your skin.  

"I'll tell you if you really want to know," Jake says a few miles later while his eyes stay trained on the road. You think about whether you really want to press him for details. As much as you want to know, you don't want to ever force Jake into sharing something with you if he isn't completely comfortable with it. 

"Nope, it's fine. Keep your mysteries, Hangman, I'll find out eventually." You finally respond, pulling Jake's hand up to press a kiss to the back of it, making sure he understood your innocent intentions. He chuckles good naturedly and his hand flexes at the movement, tightening its grasp on yours when you set them on the middle console again.  

"That's good. I appreciate you." 

"I appreciate you more," you tell him sweetly, though you mean it very genuinely. Jake pulls his eyes from the road to flash a heavy frown of disapproval your way. 

"I don't think that's possible," Jake says with passion.

You just shrug, letting the conversation drift to the next topic, just enjoying the drive with Jake. It is a while before Jake pulls off onto a private road that leads up to a massive barn, and you still don't really have any clue where you are or why. Jake throws the gear into park, the truck in park and shoots you an almost gleeful smile. 

"Jake, where are we?" You ask him again. 

"Just my friend's place," he answers.Then,while reaching over and patting your cheek affectionately, says, "You, my sweet, can stay here." 

"Do I have to stay?" You ask him nervously, checking the mirrors on either side of you. You know once Jake leaves the truck and into the barn you won't be able to see him anymore. The idea of being alone here, somewhere you don't know, even in the truck makes you uncomfortable. 

"I just didn't want you to have to walk through all the mud," Jake says. 

"It's okay," you tell him reassuringly. "That's why you had me bring my boots, right?"

"Yes, but you just look snug as a bug. I didn't want to make you move," Jake replies. 

"I don't mind, it will be nice to get out of the car. And I want to meet your friend." 

A moment later Jake is opening your side of the truck and helping you into your boots, tying up the laces for you and ignoring your protests that you are perfectly capable of doing that yourself. Jake helps you out of the truck and holds your hand, helping you walk over the uneven ground carefully. You can smell it before you see it. The fresh woodsy scent permeates the air so heavily that you can nearly taste it. 

Subverting your expectations, Jake does not lead you to the large frame equipment sliding doors of the barn. Instead, he leads you around the nearest side where there is a small typical sized door. Opening the door, Jake reveals a huge workshop. Half of the large barn space is filled with massive logs, planks, boards, and other cuts of wood. The other half is full of various projects, a giant tool bench, and shelving making up an impressive workspace. 

"Oh wow," you breathe taking it all in. You look at Jake and he is positively gleeful, maybe even more excited than a kid in a candy shop. His grin is wide, looking around and leading you a bit further into the workspace. A soft Jingle plays in the air, penetrating the otherwise quiet atmosphere when Jake closes the door behind you. 

"Seresin, that better be you!" A voice calls out from the back of the barn.

"And it if ain't?" Jake calls back playfully. 

"Then you should know, I've got a gun I ain't afraid to use, and you're trespassing." 

You almost let go of Jake's hand in alarm, but he gives you a squeeze reassuring you. He leads you a little further into the warehouse, and a middle aged woman comes in through one of the open doors. 

Jake lets go of your hand to give her a warm hug. She hugs Jake back lightly before pushing him away with a playful shove.

"It's good to see you too, Jess," Jake grumbles, dodging out of the way of her playful punch. 

"Hi, I'm Jess. It's nice to meet you." She says turning to you and offers you a warm smile

You introduce yourself a bit shyly, but feel more confident when Jake's hand slips back into yours. 

"Have you known this pest for long?" Jess asks you while gesturing to Jake. 

"Jess, be nice. I am literally your favorite customer and the son you never had," Jake complains. 

"Paula and I were actually very conscious in our choice not to have children, Jake," Jess says, clicking her tongue at him. 

Jake pouts and you can't help but giggle a little at the sight. "I've known him for a bit, yes," you respond. 

"Well, even if he is annoying, you've found yourself a good man," Jess says. You wait for Jake to correct her. When he doesn't you start to do so yourself but Jess has already changed the subject and started walking to the other side of the warehouse with a gesture for you to follow. 

"So, I got them fresh this week. And just like you requested, I'm letting you have the first freshcut pick, even before me." Jess explains to him. 

"I knew you loved me," Jake gasps grinning wide. Jess huffs out a breath at Jake but doesn't deny Jake's accusation which just makes Jake grin wider. Y'all walk to a pile of grey logs stacked close to the large barn doors.

They start a conversation that completely goes over your head, something about soil conditions, chain lengths, altitude, sap, and other details you didn't know impacted wood. You take this opportunity to look around the shop, and appreciate all the different types of wood and tools. You have only slightly lost focus when you suddenly realize Jake has said your name and is looking at you expectantly. He quickly picks up that you missed the question though, so he repeats it gently. 

"You should pick our first one, Sugar. Juniper was your idea." 

"Oh, I just pick one?" You ask looking at all the logs. Besides the fact they were different widths they all looked pretty much the same to you. 

"Yes, Ma'am," Jake confirms. He leads you to the ends of the cuts and starts talking about grains, and the potential knots and twists that would be in the wood when you cut into it. Jess leaves y'all to decide, saying she'll go grab her forklift to make getting the selections into Jake's truck easier. Jess declines Jake's offer to drive with a snipe about how he isn't forklift certified. Jake's muttered comeback about how he could be forklift certified if he wanted makes you roar in laughter. 

You eventually pick a trunk that overall doesn't look too special, but Jake said it looked like it would be easier to work with because of how sticky the sap was. Jake makes two other selections and also insists on helping Jess get the wood into his truck. 

Jess invited you to an early lunch where you met her wife Paula. Paula had clearly been prepared to host and spent the whole meal fawning over Jake. While Jess might deny treating him like a son, Paula certainly leans into it, and you can tell Jake doesn't mind from the glowing smile that stays on his face the whole time you're at their home.  

As promised Jake had planned time to stop at the farmers market, and an outlet mall, that included a target, where two do some light shopping. Finally picking up Jake's drycleaning on your way home. It's a fun day, and you were thankful you had decided to tag along.

"So Jake, are these for what I think?" You ask him excitedly when you have finally made it home and he is pulling the logs into the garage. 

"It definitely might be. After all, this is fresh Juniper." 

You stare at the grey logs of wood with their mossy, splintering bark that has already made a mess in the garage. Examining the wood you try to compare it with the Juniper you have seen in the past.

"I didn't think it was that color," you tell Jake scrunching your eyebrows together in contemplation. 

"Well, the wood isn't actually grey, just the bark," Jake explains. You watch as he pulls two pairs of work gloves from the workbench. He jerks the larger pair on, you realize with adoration that he had gotten a pair in your size. Jake doesn't hand the gloves to you, rather just leaves them out as an offering if you are interested in participating. The casual no pressure offering makes your chest warm and stomach flutter. Biting your lip you try to contain the grin threatening to split your face before joining him at the workbench and sliding the gloves on. 

Grabbing two chisels, he throws one on his belt. Then he picks up alo with two hammers, hanging both those on his toolbelt as well. You start to get distracted by the way Jake's tool belt sits on his slim hips. 

"Yes. Jess managed to expedite it for us in a special order. I'm so excited. You see, in the spring the sap warms up and it runs through the tree so it allows us to do this –" Jake explains to you. He angles the chisel into the bark, working it in. With a controlled hit from the hammer the flat head sinks in a little bit deeper. Wiggling the chisel makes the bark displace, allowing Jake to grab it and pull it downwards. A long section of the bark comes off before splintering and breaking off the log. The action reveals the light colored, bright, 'green' (fresh) wood underneath. 

"I can tell you've never experienced stripping before," Jake says cheekily while wiggling his eyebrows at you. You feel a bit amazed at the beautiful gem that's been revealed to you. 

"What?" you gasp.  

"Stripping is what this process is called," Jake answers while letting out a full bellied laugh, going so far as slapping his own leg. You roll your eyes at him but can't help your smile and excitement on joining in. 

"Some people strip wood with a power washer, but I think that's lazy. On top of the laziness, it prematurely ages and strips the wood of its natural oils, color, and saps! If we take our time though, we can get a longer lasting, vibrant cut. It's a lot of work, but I promise it will be worth it in the long run." 

Jake takes his chisel and edges it under the bark again. When he pulls the long grey strip of bark gives way with a crunch that sizzles against your ears. Jake continues to slowly peel more away to reveal the fresh color underneath, not pressuring you to join the process at any point. 

However when you do ask to help Jake is patient going over the process with you, explaining the best angle to keep the chisel. He provides steady guidance, only leaving you alone in the process when you tell him that you have a handle on what you're doing. 

You help Hangman strip one of the logs and just as he had said, it is a slow process. It is however extremely satisfying and lots of fun. He puts on a podcast after consulting you to find one you would both enjoy. At one point you accidentally dig your chisel too far under the bark and feel it sink slightly into the 'green' sap softened wood. Your heart drops, and when you peel it back you see that it has pulled a chunk of wood, leaving a gouge in the trunk. You freeze, noticing the damage of the mistake, pulling your eyes to where Jake is working. Just as you start to wonder if there could be a way to fix or hide your mistake, Jake looks over at you with a wide smile that crinkles around his eyes.

"Oh wow," he gasps, the smile falling. Anxiety claws at your throat, and you instinctively prepare yourself for something bad to happen, every muscle in your body tensing in anticipation. Jake's hand gently pushes yours out of the way and dips over the gouge pushing away some of the sap that was springing from the area. Jake clicks his tongue before saying. "Look at this, sugar" 

"I know and–" You are getting ready to spew the best excuse and explanation you can think of before Jake interrupts you. 

"I've seen this color juniper, at least not in person" Jake tells you breathily. You are momentarily surprised that his words do not contain any anger, veiled insults, or condescending tones. Then you remember that this is Jake, so of course you're not going to 'be in trouble'. It takes your eyes a moment to drop down to the thick trunk again. Where you had damaged the wood, it revealed a bright purple streak under the top grain. 

"It's purple," you say, eyes widening. 

"It does look purple does it?" Jake asks excitedly. "That means at the very least that vein will look like that through the trunk. If not all the pigmentation in the grain." 

"So, it's not usually purple?" You ask. 

"Sometimes red, but not purple. This one was a real treasure find, sugarpie" Jake answers. His grin was so wide you were a little worried about his face. However, before you know it, he is sweeping you in his arms and rocking you playfully while saying, "We are going to have to do something really special with this one."  

"Puzzle table," You say as if that was the most obvious answer. That was the whole reason he had gotten all these logs of juniper, after all. 

"Yeah, maybe for the puzzle table," Jake says noncommittally, though as he hums you can tell that won't be the case. He kisses your forehead and mutters a thank you.

Jake gives you another thank you, a little while later, once you two have started to work again. "We wouldn't have known about the color until I went to cut planks and then there would have been a lot less I could do to preserve the color." 

"I made a mistake, Jake."

"Not all mistakes are bad," he says kindly. "Sometimes they are just something that's meant to happen. They have to happen for us to learn something." 

"Says the man who famously never makes mistakes," you grouse back. 

"I make mistakes, but unfortunately, like everything I do, it's to the max. Either the best or the worst," he trails off with a shrug. 

"Because you refuse to be middling?" You ask him teasingly. You aren't surprised when his sharp elbow playfully taps into your arm, and if you bruise later-- it will be worth it.  

"We never should have read and watched Little Women," Jake grumbles. However, his open and light body language make it very clear to you he is being playful. You traced the shape of his dimples with your eyes enjoying the ease they brought to you. They seemed like the perfect place to rest your thumbs on his cheeks. It's nice how Jake comes with a built in guidance system. From his dimples, to the smile lines that will age nicely into kind crows feet all pointing to the freckle-mole by his right eye. You had already mapped out every place you wanted to kiss, given the opportunity. 

"You loved them both," you remind Jake. 

"Of course I did. It is a heart warming, stunning story. But you don't always have to make fun of how I teared up a little bit." Jake tells you, adopting a frown. Teared up was a bit of a down play on what had happened but you didn't call Jake out on that part. It wasn't a bad thing for men to get emotional and cry. 

"I only tease because you were upset about it for the entire next day. Which honestly was so sweet."

"It's not sweet, Sugar." Jake groans. 

"Jake, let's not do this dance," you sigh, rolling your eyes at him and turning back to your work on the trunk. You are much more careful now in how you place the chisel under the bark. In the middle of stripping off the next piece the podcast shuts off and some slow country music replaces it. 

"Now, Sugar," Jake says in an extra thick southern accent that makes you narrow your eyes. He eases in close to you and pulls the chisel out of your hand sliding it in his tool belt. Unbuckling it Jake sets it on the bench. Coming back to your side he takes your hand, delicately. Jake pulls your work gloves from each finger. Intentional and steady, the pads of his fingers brush against your revealed skin. He tosses the gloves to the side as well, and with your now free hands pulls you closer to him, towards the open space in the middle of the garage. 

"What dance exactly don't you want to do?" Jake asks you, starting to sway to the music and encouraging you to join him in the simple steps. Once you do he gleefully spins you in time with the music and draws you back even closer to his chest after. 

Blowing out a sigh you melt into his embrace. Dancing with Jake was different than any other man; he was confident and incharge, firm enough with his hold that there wasn't any space for you to really fall out of step with him, but he left enough room so you didn't feel like he was forcefully dragging you through the steps. He was good about taking the worry of thinking about the steps away from you, allowing you to just enjoy the movement and how his broad body felt pressed so close. 

"The dance where you try to sell some preposterous lie about not being a good man, and I have to convince you otherwise." 

"Ouch," Jake says. You lean back further resisting the hold he has in moving you. Jake doesn't allow the movement though, continuing to step dance to the music guiding you with him. 

"I'm sorry, Jake." you say already feeling a little bad. 

"No, no. I might have deserved that one," Jake answers, as the song wraps up, and you don't know what to say. He doesn't let go of you though, just adjusts his steps, leads his steps into the next one. 

"Let's find a different dance you do like," he says after a bit, shuffling you in his arms. "For example, we know you love the Texas two step."

"Do I?" You ask him with a laugh. 

"Yes, ma'am," He responds confidently, not leaving room to contradict him. "How do you feel about salsa though?" 

Jake turns you around the open space in the garage, going through dances he knows until you are both laughing. When he suggests cooking dinner and watching Dancing with the Stars for some new ideas you readily and happily agree, especially when he reminds you the logs will still be there tomorrow, and there is no real need to rush since you have at least a week until the sap is too dry to easily strip anymore.

…

"Marlee, your boss isn't going to pass you up for a promotion." 

"Well, she might if I'm pregnant," Marlee responds in a small voice that doesn't match her typical outgoing demeanor. You almost drop your phone but manage to keep your grip tight. 

"Marlene Machado… First of all, that would be illegal, and we would file a report with HR. And secondly, is there something you are wanting to tell me?"

"No!" Marlee says, "I don't know what you're talking about, me pregnant?! That's crazy talk. Maybe you're the one who's pregnant." 

"Okay, honey. Sorry, sorry." You sigh only partly apologetic into the phone. 

"No, I'm sorry." She replies in a quiet voice. "But nothing for sure yet." 

"That's okay, Marls. It's only been a few months of this new medicine."

"Yeah, well um I guess that leads to my next problem."

"What's that?"

"What are your plans for Saturday?"

"I don't have any plans." You say running through your mental calendar to check. 

"Okay, perfect. So, here's what Javy and I are thinking." 

"So Javy is involved?" You clarify. 

"What? Of course, he is!" Marlee says sounding affronted at even the concept of not including her husband, which makes you almost smile for real. 

"Okay, okay," you tell her with a small laugh. 

"We'll pick you up. Then we'll carpool to the airport. Don't worry I already made signs. Then we want to take y'all to Olive Garden."

You distantly hear Javy yelling, "When we are there, we are family."

Marlee takes a moment to giggle, "I'll make sure you and Jake drink a bottle of wine. Preferably one each. Trust me, nothing helps with the ‘we haven't seen each other in six months’ awkwardness better than wine. Then we will drive you two home!" 

You aren't successful in catching your phone this time and it slams to the ground. You're frozen staring down at it, only managing to shake yourself and pick it up when you hear Marlee saying your name in concern. 

"Sorry, the phone slipped. What was that?" 

"Oh no, is it okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine," you answer the pit in your stomach growing till it feels like it might swallow you whole. 

"You don't need help with anything for tomorrow do you?" Marlee asks worriedly. You take a glance around the house. You had worked hard keeping things orderly and together while Jake had been gone. You knew how worried he was that things would change while he was away. It hadn't been easy and there were a few weeks there when you hadn't been able to keep yourself afloat very well. 

"Help with what?" You ask, trying to get her to confirm what you thought you had heard. 

"Any cleaning or organizing or any of that. Groceries so you and Jake don't have to go shop. Javy hates going to the store when he comes home. I guess there is something especially frustrating about them," Marlee trails off. You can tell that she is picking up on your off mood, and of course she was. She probably expected you to be ecstatic that Jake was coming home, and maybe you would have been if you had known about it. 

You realize there isn't a way out of this so you have to concede a truth to her. You bite your lip and let your eyes frantically comb over the house again before finally whispering. "He hasn't said anything to me… about coming home." 

When Marlee answers you can hear she isn't on speakerphone anymore, and asks you quietly, "He hasn't mentioned it at all?" 

"Not a word," you respond solemnly. 

"I'm sorry for ruining the surprise."

"I'm glad you did. I'll definitely want to clean and shop like you mentioned. And as nice as your plan sounded, maybe not this time. You two are the sweetest ever."

"I still feel bad. Are you sure you don't need help with anything?"

"I'm fine, thank you, Marlee!" You were not fine.

"Wait, babes, I'm worried."

"Don't worry. I'll talk to you later, yeah? I love you!" You hang up the phone and stare at it blankly. Trying to process the new information you had just gotten. Looking around the house you realized you weren't even close to ready for Jake to come home.  

You spend all of your free time panicking, cleaning and organizing the house, trying to make sure everything was just perfect for when Jake comes home. You almost had a breakdown when you couldn't remember if the quilt on his bed had been green or dark blue when he left.. The smallest details were haunting you. You had spent nearly an hour working up the courage to erase the chalkboard in the kitchen. Worried that you would forget some of the more important reminders, you erase everything but what you deemed Jake needed to know, like things that had come up concerning the house. It leaves a choppy, oddly spaced list, but you don't think you will have the energy to rewrite it without crying. 

You were asleep when Jake came home. Waking up to sounds that are familiar and yet gone enough that they don't sound right, confuses your tired mind before you are startled into wakefulness, fully placing that for the first time in 6 months someone else is cooking in your kitchen. Your alarm is slightly eased when you check your phone and see a text from Marlee. 

We're here with a gift, come down stairs as soon as you wake up &lt;3

 While you were put at ease knowing some manic axe murderer isn't in your house, you almost feel like you would prefer that to what you now know is waiting for you downstairs. You sit in your room for nearly an hour trying to work out what to do, if you should confront Jake and how to approach it, hoping inspiration or bravery will strike you into moving. It never does though, and instead there is a heavy handed knock on your bedroom door. 

Taking a big gulp, not having the strength to find your voice, you slowly creak the door open. You lift your eyes up and unexpectedly find Javy on the other side of the door. 

"Hey, sleeping beauty!" Javy says cheerfully. It takes you a few deep breaths to answer from your surprise. You don't know what the look on your face is, but the next thing you know, Javy is sweeping you up into a tight hug. You are frozen though, still strung out on what this must mean, that Jake is home. 

"Is he?" You start to ask, but not sure how you actually want to finish the sentence: home, safe, okay, the same. Javy doesn't respond, he just squeezes you harder. You try asking your question again to get an answer. "Is Jake?" 

"Hangman is here," Javy finally confirms. 

"I thought it was going to be this evening."

"Some of his flights got shifted around at the last minute." 

"Oh. And is he..?" You can't finish that question either. 

"He will be okay," Javy says lightly.  

"Will be? So, that means that he isn't okay now." You grimace, worry flooding your chest that is already so full of hurt. 

"It'll all take us some time to readjust and recalibrate. Just don't push him, and more importantly yourself too hard. Okay?" Javy says pulling away from the hug after another squeeze. You nod numbly, not entirely sure you know what he means but it is comforting to know your friend is here. 

When you don't make a move to follow Javy towards the door when he starts to retreat he levels you with a concerned look. 

"Why do you love Jake?" Javy asks, leaning back against your door. 

You open your mouth to protest that you don't love Jake– how can you love someone who willfully hasn't talked to you in 6 months? The words don't come out though, because in spite of it all, you do love him. You love him so much it hurts, and you made that choice even as Jake actively warned you against it. Javy waits patiently for you to respond, which just makes you feel like squirming more. 

"I do not see what that has to do with anything," you try to deflect but Coyote frowns at you and shakes his head.

"It's because he makes you feel better than a million bucks right?" Javy presses on with the question.

"Yeah, sometimes." You concede thinking of how it was before Jake left. 

"Or like you are the most important thing in the room? More important even than him?" 

"Don't know if I love Jake because of that. I think those are just side benefits. I love Jake just by virtue of him being Jake." You say trying to explain how you feel and Javy nods along to your words. 

"I get it," he says. You worry your lip and look at the door again, still not sure you can do this. 

"It's going to be okay. Marlee and I are here to play interference as long as you two need it. Remembering those things you love about him will help get through the rough patch. He is really worried about doing something wrong."

"What do you mean wrong?" 

"I would say he is worried about hurting you." And you had to resist the urge to laugh, because it was already much too late for that. Jake had been hurting you for months now.

"Has something gone wrong before, or is he just scared?"

Javy doesn't answer your question and he avoids your gaze and stares hard at a far wall. "Hangman and I aren't always stationed together." 

"Oh, I see."

"You're going to have to give him some grace and time; he will even out, I promise. If it gets too bad you can always call me, okay?" Javy's eyes meet yours again, and he gives you a sad smile. "I love Jake too, you know."

"Yeah, I know you do." You reassure him. "Thanks Coyote, you are a good friend to him, and me too." 

Javy is then urging you to finally leave your room, opening the door and gesturing for you to step out. He is asking you to be brave, and it's a lot easier to face your fears when you know someone else is there to help, just in case. 

"Hey what's taking so long up there?" Marlee yells up the stairs suspiciously. She must have heard your door open.  

"I am once again begging Javy to run away with me." You yell back to her playfully. Giving Javy one last tight hug and a muttered thank you, he strides confidently down the stairs. Anxiety and nerves eat away at your every step leaving a sour taste on your tongue. You keep your eyes trained on the ground, as you descend the stairs, still not ready to actually see Jake. 

Instead you keep your eyes trailed on Javy where he has automatically drifted to his wife's side and is already wrapping himself around her and kissing her cheek. 

"Well, were you convinced to run away?" Marlee asks her husband, hugging him back, clearly enjoying the joke. 

"No Ma'am, not this time," Coyote answers with a laugh. 

"I wasn't worried," she tells him. "I know there's only one person you would leave me for."

"I would never leave you," Javy responds, dropping the playfulness from his voice. However, Marlee persists. 

"That's not true, we both know if Jake asked, you wouldn't even hesitate." The couple both turn their eyes towards the kitchen, which you realize is where Jake must be. You are frozen on the last step of the stairs, unable to take your eyes off Marlee and Javy, even as they expectantly look back and forth between where you are standing and where he is. 

You decide you aren't brave enough, that you can't actually do this. You need to retreat up the stairs into your room and pack all of your things in order to get out of here as soon as possible. Jake was back now, all the responsibility you had to watch and take care of the house was released from your shoulders. Never facing him again seems like the obvious solution, you don't know why you had never considered it before. 

"I wouldn't ever ask Javy to run away with me, he snores too much," Jake says. His voice tricks your eyes into looking towards the kitchen. Thinking about Jake Seresin and seeing him are two distinctly different things. He is handsome, Jake always has been handsome, but after so long of not seeing him, it's glaring, breathtaking. 

You think you had expected him to change, which doesn't really make sense. Half a year, in the grand scheme of things, really isn't very long. You think maybe his uniform fits him a bit more snugly, that he looks even more fit than before. You weren't prepared… you weren't prepared at all. And now you are stuck because he is looking back at you. Jake blinks at you, and you stare wide eyed, too afraid if your eyes close for even a second he will be gone. 

"Hello. Good morning," Jake finally says. 

"Hi," you squeak. Then you are finally able to take the last step off the stairs and say, "It's good to see you." 

Jake flashes you one of his perfect practiced smiles and a wink. Then he gestures to the bowls and pans in front of him, "I'm making french toast." 

You wait a second, having to choke back a sob threatening to bubble in your chest. Then say, "I'm sure that will be good." 

Javy and Marlee's analyzing the two of you makes the awkwardness press in harder. Gulping, you try to seem casual about walking towards the kitchen. Jake watches you intently. At the last minute you change your mind and veer down the hallway towards the front door instead. 

"Sorry, I just have some errands I need to run," You announce loudly, quickening your step. Fumbling with the locks you burst out the front door, and stand heaving on the front porch. Gripping the railing hard, you lean against it trying to brace yourself. 

A minute later you hear the door open, and you close your eyes tight, wishing you had been smart enough to walk further away. There is a slight clunk against the ground and you see a pair of your shoes next to your feet. 

"Thought you might need shoes," Jake says quietly. Fuck, this hurt so much more than you though it would. You thought having him home would feel like a relief, not a fresh stab wound. You just shake your head, not sure you can say anything. Jake waits patiently but after several long minutes, he breathes out a quiet sigh. 

"Okay. Well. I think I should just apologize and get on with it. I'm sorry, I am so sorry." You can't stop the hitching sob that falls from your throat. 

"I know you didn't love back the same way, but I didn't realize you cared so little about me." 

"That is an inaccurate statement," Jake protests. 

"I don't want us to have a fight Jake." You mumble, nothing about this conversation was making you feel better. 

"Well I do. I want us to have a fight, because you should be mad at me. You should be yelling at me and cursing the ground I walk on. You should've burned down this house!" He exclaims, and you can hear his frustration. You open your eyes to find Jake standing stiff and straight next to the slightly ajar front door. Hands clenched tight, Jake was staring at like you were water and he had been stranded in the desert for days, parched. A direct sighting of his green eyes is all it takes to break your resolve.  

"I can't be mad at you!" You exclaim, throwing your hands up in the air. 

"Why not?" He prods you in a low voice.

"You know exactly why."  

Jake huffs, clenching his jaw he glares upwards, away from you. 

"You don't have to be this saint you know. You don't have to be this perfectly stable person for me because you feel like that's what I need. Please don't let me get away with hurting you." 

"I won't give you the satisfaction," you tell him coldly. 

"What?" Jake asks, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion. 

"I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of confirming that you are the bad guy you've convinced yourself you are. So, what would you like me to say instead?"   

"I guess I want you to listen to the fact that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I left, I'm sorry for how I behaved, I—"

"Are you really sorry for what happened between us?" You ask in a small voice. You lower your eyes to look at the ground, not wanting to be too confrontational. 

"Of course I am," he sighs. It's a stab to your heart. You had treasured the long heartbreakingly beautiful evening you had with Jake before he left, and hearing him say he doesn't feel the same is harrowing. 

"Are you—" you start to ask but stop yourself. You ball up all the hurt in your chest trying to rationalize and compartmentalize. Realizing this is another one of those times you had to fill in the gaps. It was time you refocused on the realities at hand. There were no promises besides the one you had made. That you would love him regardless, and continuously. Reminding yourself this fact helps, you could be upset after, later. Every moment actually with Jake should be treasured, this was the first moment you were getting with him in how long and of course you had ruined it. 

"I'm sorry for every other thing I know I should be, and everything I willfully chose not to know too. I'm sorry, and well I want to go on forever. I want to keep telling you I'm sorry every second. So, I'm sorry. I'll say it a million times more. Like you deserve."

"Jake, stop. Sometimes the more times you say something the cheaper the words have become. So let's keep this one valuable. I'm sorry for pushing, and you've said sorry too. We can move on now." 

"I'll just be plain then." He says, though you can tell that the frustration and desperation are still burning hot under his skin. 

"Yes, Jake, be plain. That's the best option for us."

"If we step over lines?"

"We say something, stop and talk about it."

"Okay." He agrees, "We have to talk about the other thing now too."

"What thing?" you ask.

"My question, what happened between us." He says as if he hadn't just told you part of him regrets it. 

"You asked to be selfish with me Jake, and I said yes. I don't regret that, and I'm not mad about what happened. You had my permission and consent for all of it.' 

"I just kept waiting until I knew what I wanted to say, but then I never knew what I wanted to say," he explains. 

"Jake, I really…" You sigh and scrub your hand over your face. "Can we not talk about this right now?"

 Jake nods silently in response. "Okay, Later, then."

"Sure, like when the Machados aren't listening on the other side of the door." You say loudly looking at the front door that was cracked, having no doubt your friends were being nosey. Not that you really blame them, you probably would have done the same thing. 

"Do you still have errands to run?" he asks you. You look out to the street deciding you should at least take a small walk to sort through your thoughts. 

"I'm just going to go on a little walk. I'm sure I'll be back by the time breakfast is done," you explain. 

"Sounds good, sugar. Can I help you with your shoes?" He asks quietly. The only reason you nod your head yes is because you think you might start crying otherwise. 

Jake kneels down and hesitates for a long moment before his large warm hand is on your ankle, helping angle your foot into the shoe. His thumb makes a brushing stroke across the skin before doing the same thing with the other foot. When you get back from your walk, it's awkward. You completely avoid Marlee's attempts to get you to go off and talk with her. Instead, you decide that the best course of action is to pretend that nothing is wrong. You laugh at jokes and ignore how stilted and awkward Jake's conversation is with everyone. Then, after Marlee and Javy linger way too long, before you and Jake finally get them to leave. Once they are out the door and Jake has locked the door behind them, you both let out a sigh of relief. You meet Jake's gaze, both of you offer small smiles. It's the most normal moment you've had all day. 

"Welcome back, Jake." You offer tentatively. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I kinda just want to nap," he admits. You part ways at the top of the stairs giving him a strained smile and retreat into your room; Jake's eyes don't leave you until the door is shut firmly in place. 

It's much later that night when you hear some loud banging. You shoot out of your room worried, and realize the banging is coming from the other side of Jake's bedroom door. You knock on it firmly but don't hear a response. 

You knock again and the banging comes to a stop. You try the door and find it locked. 

"Jake, are you okay?" You ask him through the door. 

"I'm fine. Thanks," he yells back. You wait but when you don't get anything more, you have no choice but to leave him be and go back to your room. You don't actually even see Jake again until two nights later. You have been able to tell that he is home but Jake is as elusive as a ghost. 

You run into him next when you open your door one night to get some water before bed. Jake is standing on the other side, holding two water bottles. Part of you has a hunch that he had been standing there for a while. He looks shocked but a little relieved when he sees you. 

"I know I shouldn't be here," Jake starts slowly, taking his gaze off of you and looks down at his feet. 

"No, it's okay that you are here," you stutter slightly. "Is there something you need?" 

Jake nods his head along with your words, his eyebrows drawing together. Then he holds out a water bottle for you to take. "Can I just be here? Here, with you?"

"Of course, always." You say stepping backwards into your room leaving the door wide open for him. You shuffle to your bed and lift open the blankets ready to welcome him there with you. However, Jake drops the pillow he was holding on the floor nearby and lays down instead. 

You want to ask him questions about it but the edge he is on isn't one you want to poke or prod in any direction. While you are still hurt, knowing he is here is safe again, with you is equally as soothing, a small dosage of pain medication. 

"There's plenty of room up here with me too, you know." You decide to casually offer just in case. 

"It's too soft for me right now."

"I just thought I would offer," you say lightly. 

"I can't sleep. It's the worst part. Everything is too quiet and too still and at the same time not quiet or still enough. I think I might go insane." He explains in a low voice. 

"What can I do? What do you need?" You ask sympathetically. 

"Can we talk about it?" Jake asks hopefully. 

"No, Jake. We can't," You sigh and hear him sigh in frustration. 

"Someday, at some point, we are going to have to talk about it," Jake says so carefully you know he is consciously holding back the taunting frustration he wants to put into the words. 

"No, we really don't," You contradict him. 

"Sweets," Jake responds, sounding wrecked. 

You think you should give into him again. You should allow Jake to talk his heart out and seek penance from you. How this should be a time when you are strong for him. However, as much as you want to give Jake the world, there must be times that you curl around your own heart to try and shield it from hurt. 

"Listen, Jake. I don't need to know why you didn't talk to me while you were gone. No matter what your explanation is, it's going to hurt my feelings. So, I would rather not know. Please, let me pretend something a little kinder." 

He is silent, so very quiet for so long you almost wonder if he has left. Evaporated from existence, that he never came home at all, and you've been living an elaborate hallucination. You turn on your side just to check in the soft lamp light that Jake is still laying on the floor. 

"You should have said no to me before I left. It would have saved us both a lot of grief I think." 

Jake's words feel like a punch in the gut, rattling around like a wrecking ball, leaving a bloody massacre behind. With a heavy blown out breath you say, "No it wouldn't have."

"No, it wouldn't have," he sighs in agreement. 

"It would be nice though, if we could go back to before." 

"Before?" He asks. 

"Yes," you say, clutching your blankets tight. "If I could pretend that you never got orders and didn't leave. I would jump to that in an instant. 

"You want to pretend nothing happened?" 

"Isn't that an idea?" You huff a small broken laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

"What if I don't remember exactly how things went before?" Jake wonders. 

"Jake, I wasn't serious," you say cautiously.  

There are several long minutes of silence where you wait for him to say something. Finally, you hear Jake let out a long heavy audible groan while shifting. "If you don't want to talk it out. Pretending is probably our best option then. Otherwise, what are we going to do, sweets?" 

"Sugar," You correct automatically. 

"Hmm?" 

"You usually call me sugar, or honey. Not sweets" 

"Ah, that's right, and darling. I got it mixed up because you're so sweet to me."

"I'll help you. If you don't remember how it goes." 

"Thank you," he says. And you can't believe he is actually agreeing to this idea, or really that you are either. 

"Do you not like sweets?" Jake asks eventually. 

"It's fine enough, I guess." You answer as lightly as you can. Then you go through another bout of silence. You nervously play with the edge of a blanket hoping that this tension with Jake will ease. It's always gone away in the past, but that was also before. 

"That's what you want then? Tomorrow, we go back?" Jake asks again. 

"Yes, tomorrow," You confirm. 

"Sugar?

"Yes, Jakers?"

"Can I ask you a question?" He asks. You laugh lightly, feeling a bit of the nervousness ease at his tone which has become much lighter. 

"I never understand why people say that. Aren't you already asking a question?" Jake chuckles low in his chest in amusement. He doesn't follow along with the joke though, just leaves it there hanging in the air. 

"The answer is yes," you tell him casually. 

"You don't know what the question is." 

"Yes, you can ask me a question," you clarify in a whisper. Jake makes some rustling sounds and you hear him come closer to you.

"Are you sure that bed is big enough for two?" He asks. 

"Why don't we find out?" You laugh feeling more at ease. 

With a nod Jake crawls onto bed and turns to face you on his side. However, he doesn't scoot in close like you expect. He is stone still on the other side of the bed, laying on top of the covers, only shifting his pillow once. 

"What would you do, if I told you the last time I said yes, it had an extended warranty?" You ask while turning on your side to face where you are in the bed now. 

"How long are we talking about here?" Jake asks. 

"Unfortunately, I think it expires some time tomorrow." You watch Jake work his lip in contemplation, while examining your face closely. 

"Why would you let me be selfish with you again?" 

"I think it's because we are selfish. Maybe it's a little bit because I don't want the memory of the last time I tasted you to be bitter." 

Jake rolls away from you onto his back, blinking rapidly at the ceiling. "Stop letting me take things from you."

"We both deserve a night where we are selfish with each other, I think." You tell him reaching across the gap between you. You set a hand on Jake's cheek ignoring the prickly stubble there. 

"To have you and let you go again the next day would be torture," Jake says all while leaning into your touch. 

"Just a kiss this time," you offer, urging him by his cheek to come a little closer to you. 

"It was supposed to be just a kiss last time too." Jake's eyes are bright where they burn into yours. He inches a little closer and you lean forwards as well, reducing the gap between you two that much more until there is just a miniscule space now.  

"I know," You answer against his lips, letting your hand slip into his hair. Jake's lips move with yours crowding in close, like he is trying to breathe all of you into himself and commit you to memory. 

"Maybe, it can be more of a promise?" Jake eventually gasps. 

"A promise?" You question. 

"A promise not to hurt you like this again," Jake answers.

"That's not an easy promise to keep," you warn. 

"That's true, but I'm willing to try anyway." He kisses you again and dips his tongue into your mouth. Jake swallows your little whimpers; he tastes just as good as he always has. It's very easy to be selfish with Jake "Hangman" Seresin.  

…

It's a slow road to trying to get back to normal. Jake circles around the house like he is lost. Picking things up and setting them down, starting conversations with you and leaving halfway through them. Shadows stretch across his face and his increasingly dark stubble and facial hair. You are a little surprised to find that he doesn't have a red beard like most blonds do. The facial hair only serves to make him look increasingly gaunt.

Jake even denies your offer to start a puzzle together, telling you that wasn't something he could handle at the moment. You try not to seem like you were watching him like a hawk, but you definitely are. Until one day he stood up from the table in the middle of dinner and announced that he was going camping. 

"Oh okay. Do you know how long?" 

"Yeah," Jake sighs, "I'll be home before next weekend, and I promise you when I get home I'll be normal again."

"You don't have to be any which way for me Jake," you tell him gently. 

"I know, but I need to do this for me too, sugar." He explains while putting away dishes. You watch him complete the task; Jake is antsy even with his hands occupied. None of the projects or tasks he has picked up since being home have been enough to occupy him with real distraction. Two days ago, you had walked into the garage where Jake had rigged up his camping hammock to the ceiling which you felt like he was swaying precariously 8 feet off the ground. On top of that Jake had music blasting, a documentary on Yosemite playing, while also whittling a piece of wood. 

"Okay. I'll miss you." You eventually say. Jake purses his lip, and after a heavy gulp he nods his head. Once the last of the dishes is away he spins on his heel and heads towards the garage door. 

You hurry after him, "Jake?"

"Yes, sugar?" He asks, not pausing his trajectory. 

"Are you leaving right now?" You ask him surprised. 

"Yes, I packed earlier today."

"Can I have a hug before you go?" You ask him hesitantly. 

Jake freezes. He rubs his hands across his face pressing briefly into his eyes while sighing a very soft "Fuck." Then he turns to you fully looking abashed. "Yeah, sugar. What do you need before I go? I'm sorry I should have asked that first."

"No, it's no big deal. Honestly." You tell him backing off not wanting to be too much. Jake shushes you softly while stepping closer. 

"Tell me how it goes. I need to remind myself about this part."

"Well," you start off hesitantly, "normally I would get a hug goodbye." 

"Ahh," Jake hums, "that's right. And I do that part like this?" Jake wraps you in his arms, draping them high on your back. You wait a moment before draping your arms around his neck.

"How's the next part going again, sweets?"

"You squeeze my waist a little harder and lower." Jake follows the direction his arms tightening around you drawing you flush against his chest. 

"Now?" He whispers. 

"You would probably kiss my forehead."

"Just your forehead?" Jake asks breathily. 

"I'll leave that one up to you, Jake." He unwraps a hand from your waist to hold the back of your neck, keeping you steady. 

"And if I want to kiss somewhere else?"

"You've got my permission Jake," you tell him trying to keep want and desire out of your voice. Jake parts his lips and leans in closer brushing his lips to grace over your cheekbone. 

"You can have it, Jake," you remind him.

"No," he answers and closes his eyes. "Not again, not yet. I'll be home in a few days."

Once Jake leaves you know there is something you have to do to help him. It's an idea that gets stuck in your head and then you can't get it out. He had been spending time daily in his hammock in the garage, and you noted that Jake had taken it with him when he left. You missed how he used to casually be in the living room, so you started brainstorming some ideas on how you might entice Jake to join you again. 

So, you go to the kitchen and pull out the rolodex, find the card dedicated to Miss Celeste and give it a call. Russell answers the phone, and you can hear the man smiling through the phone as you ask after his wife. It turns out Jake's grandmother is just as blunt but kind hearted as you had been led to believe. After a longer conversation with her, she and Russ offer you some advice and tips

You aren't wholly sure how you managed to get it all done. Eventually having to call Coyote to help you move some of the living room furniture. However, after significantly less sleep than you already get, there is a large comfy hammock in the living room. You and Javy had to sandwich Jake's large comfy chair much closer to the couch than it was previously, but y'all managed to make it all fit. 

Jake comes home from camping quietly late one night. The stubble he had been supporting before is a full-on beard now, and his hair is longer than you have ever seen it. This look is intimidating to you in lots of ways, like some mirrored version of Jake that you don't know. He offers. quick hello when he comes in from the garage, breezing past you and towards the stairs.  

Jake doesn't make it to the stairs though instead he stands frozen at the edge of the living room for five whole minutes just staring at the hammock. You watch him closely, trying to gauge his reaction. 

"It's a surprise for you." You say after the amount of time he is standing there increases to a concerning duration. Compelled to do something you explain, "I know your hammock has been one of the only places you have been able to relax."  

"This is very sweet. I appreciate it." Jake starts evenly. It's contradictory as you see him grit his teeth, and his fists clench and unclench at his sides. 

"You don't like it?" You ask him.

"It's not that," Jake tries to explain. "It's just you can't randomly switch the living room around and add new furniture like this." 

Your mouth drops open in shock. This might be one of the first times Jake has ever told you there is something you can't do in the house. It's jarring, he has always spent so much time tailoring everything to your likes, desires, and aesthetics that you hardly even think about the house as Jake's and Jake's alone anymore. Frustration bubbles under the shock twisting into anger at the situation. You were trying your best, doing all the things you thought you should, and it still didn't seem like enough. 

"That is so rich coming from you for so many different reasons Jake." You say agitated, rolling your eyes. 

"Why are you upset?" Jake asks you, finally looking away from the living room. 

"Why are you upset?" You parrot with emphasis. 

"Well, what did you expect? I left for a few days and now there is a hammock in the living room. That's an outdoor item you brought indoors," Jake responds snappily. It pushes you right against an edge that you are unfamiliar with living on now. You had forgotten how it was to live in a hyper aware state, trying to manage and monitor someone else's emotions. 

"You act like you haven't done the same thing," you tell him, gesturing frustratedly at the juniper chest. "I was doing something nice for you. However, if you don't like it, I'm sure you're more than capable of taking it down and moving your furniture back and fixing your living room."  

You leave Jake in the living room and go to the kitchen. He grumbles to himself upset which makes you feel even more on edge. However, you refuse to let Jake blowing back into the house prevent you from finishing the dishes you had been stacking and putting away. 

"It's our living room," he finally calls back to you.

"You aren't acting like it."

"You could have given me some warning," he reasons, but it has a slightly accusatory tone. 

"When Jake?" You ask him, upset. "When you called me and told me you were coming home? When you text? How exactly was I supposed to let you know?"

He doesn't have an answer and you slam the door of a cupboard harder than you intend. Inside, the stack of bowls were more precariously placed than you thought. The cupboard closes and bounces back open, the bowls ejecting and crashing hard against the ground. Several of them shatter when they make impact, sending ceramic shards flying across the area. 

You aren't expecting the sound to trigger you. It most likely does because of how high strung and worried you already are. The house is such a safe comforting space you don't really have a game plan for when PTSD attacks hit you here. A chill makes its way up your spine, while the sound of shattering glass rings echoing in your ears, for much longer than it echoes in the room. It's all it takes for some flip to switch in your head. 

Managing to take small gasping breaths, you try to assess the damage of the sharp ceramic pieces around you, categorizing how many bowls had broken. It doesn't help you to fight off sudden panic that is creeping in when you notice one of the destroyed bowls was one Miss Celeste had made for Jake. It was a soup bowl stamped with a silly song Jake liked to sing anytime he used it. Distantly you hear Jake calling your name but can't fully process it. He is stepping towards you, fear rings through your body, and instinctually you go to step back away from him. Flinching hard every one of your muscles feels like it's attached to a live wire. Your fight or flight mode activated but you are still mostly frozen in the middle with short panting breaths, your eyes flit across the room trying to find a suitable escape path. 

"Sugar, please don't move. Just stay right there. It's okay." Jake is repeating, holding his hand up, showing you his open body language. Your breaths continue to come out gasping, but eventually you are able clear the cloudiness up enough with the help of Jake's soothing.  

"Jake, help," you whimper. Training your eyes on Jake you think that he is the only available escape, from the glass around you and this attack. At your words, his whole face shifts overcome with a serious ‘get things done’ demeanor.

"Are you hurt?" He asks calmly. You can't answer him just offering a shaking shrug. "Stay right there for me, Sugar. Okay?" 

Jake is shoving his feet into some boots, then crunching through the broken ceramics and glass before picking you up. He carries you to the living room, setting you down on top of the closed puzzle table. Once you are there, he kneels in front of you. Picking up each of your feet, Jake carefully examines them for injury. Then gives the rest of your body a scan; he is clearly relieved to find that there weren't any cuts. 

"Wait here." He orders you gently, walking back to the kitchen and setting about cleaning the mess. 

"I can clean that," you try to tell him in a weak attempt for Jake to stop.

"You just stay there looking pretty and take some breaths, sweets." He responds from the kitchen. You decide to give in, which is probably for the best with the way the numb panic is still very present at the edge of your consciousness. Your heart is still beating erratically as well. 

Jake is expedient and thorough about cleaning, going through the whole kitchen and dining room with his shop vacuum searching for any hiding slivers. When finished he makes his way to the living room and crouches by your side again sighing heavily. 

"I'm sorry," he says, setting his large warm hands on your knees.

"I'm sorry," you apologize as well. "I should have waited and asked you before changing the living room."

"You don't need to ask. I've just been on edge and wasn't expecting it. I do appreciate the thought. And you know I do love hammocks so, I'm sure I'll love it."

"We don't have to keep it," You remind him.

"We are taking it for a trial run," Jake responds. Then a few moments later he lets out a heavy sigh and says, "You know we are doing it all already, right?" 

"What's that?"

"It" Jake says gesturing with his free hand in the air. "We fit together. We're," Jake takes the slightest pause, his hand grips yours so tight you almost ache, then he drops it completely. "A bridle joint or maybe, a box joint." 

"We aren't ever going to fit with anyone else are we?" You ask him, clarifying. 

"No, we aren't. I think it might just be this, Sugar. It's just us." Jake says the words like a confession, an admission, an honest reality. 

You try to analyze the look in his eyes, but over anything else all you can focus on is how tired he is. You pick Jake's hand up again. Standing from the couch, pulling him with you. Jake asks no questions; he just follows you as you guide him. You tug him with you to each of the doors as you make sure each one is locked, jiggling them to be sure. Then he follows you to the kitchen as you grab two of his glass water bottles. You hand one to him and take his, gripping it tightly while his other hand remains loose in yours. 

You keep leading him then as he follows you up the stairs. Finally, You open the door to his room, and freeze in the doorway. A gasp catches in your throat. It's empty. The whole room. Not a mattress or a bedframe, no side tables or a dresser. It's all gone. There is one chest, a basket with some blankets, and one pillow. Jake stands close behind you, and you hear him audibly sigh into your ear. 

You take a deep breath to steady yourself and pull Jake through the room, leaving no room to address the issue and heading straight to the bathroom. You turn on the water for the bath and let the tub start filling. Turning to Jake and finally, let go of his hand. He looks lost at you, and you bring your hand up to lift his chin up a little higher. Jake takes your direction and those gorgeous sea-glass green eyes look at you. 

You tug at his shirt twice before he follows the movement and pulls it off. You step out of your own pants but otherwise stay clothed. Jake follows you sliding off his jeans. You go to Jake's bath chest still in place and grab a scent you think will be soothing, adding it to the bath. 

You reach to pull down his boxers, and he shakes his head in a small no. When you start to pull off your shirt, Jake's hands stop you there too. He gives you a pleading look, and you shrug back, leaving your shirt in place. You motion for Jake to get in the bath, and he wordlessly does as you say. Making room for you between his knees, Jake scoots until he hits the back of the tub. You step into the warm water and slide down to settle in.  

Jake's head falls forward so his forehead presses into the space where your shoulder and neck meet, taking deep breaths. You shudder, feeling the air of his breath against your neck. Jake's large hands are gripping the side of the bathtub hard. You are shocked that the feeling of the wet clothes sticking to your skin hasn't rocketed you out of the bathtub. But like it often is, it's hard to focus on anything that's not Jake when he is this close to you. 

After a while, when Jake lifts his head and leans back, you do as well, leaning into his chest, his arms slide around you, pulling you even closer, as you draw imaginary designs on one of his forearms. 

"What's it mean for us?" You finally ask him. 

"I'm worse than I was before," Jake says to you quietly. 

"Before me?" And that actually makes you want to cry because it sounds so true. Things certainly would have been less variable without you around in Jake's life. No one to throw him off his routines. And before him weren't you better able to protect your heart better than this? You had been calloused and strong before. Living with Jake and in this house has been like a fine grit sandpaper buffing you so now you only have smooth soft edges. 

Has that been the way it's been between the two of you this whole time, something bad that was disguised as good? You can't come up with an answer, and apparently, neither can he. So it sits there, wilting, rotting between the two of you.

The silence is loud and almost echoes in the bathroom, with no room to hide. You finally take one of Jake's hands in yours and play with his fingers. He seems content with this, relaxing even further into the water. One of his knees occasionally bumping into you playfully, as if you could forget that he was there, as if there were anything besides Jake on your radar. 

Then he is whispering your name against your neck, right behind your ear. Gooseflesh bursts across your skin, and his beard is coarse and scratchy against your sensitive skin not having been trimmed once since it started growing. You try to shift away but his lips follow you. Tired of the game you reach a hand behind you and fist it into Jake's long hair, tightly tugging his face away from your neck. Jake gasps in response. 

You drop your hand feeling like he has been sufficiently warned from the action, which you know would have descend into tickling. Jake grabs your wrist and turns it, and then ghosts his lips over your pulse point. After two more soft kisses there he presses three to your palm, and on each finger. Each press of his lips is intoxicating even in a place as insignificant as your hand. With your ring finger Jake's kisses are three times as long and lingering. It's an action that has you slamming your eyes closed to keep the tears from escaping. He finally releases your arm and you drop your hand back into the warm water. 

Something starts to thaw out there, in your chest. The combination of the physical warmth of the bath and Jake's blazing body heat. However, it is the feeling, the emotional warmth of it that makes the difference. You tremble slightly feeling completely overwhelmed, the idea of being anywhere else or trying to move is devastating to your system. 

"Sugar pie?"

"Yes, Jakobi?" You answer back just as quietly 

"We haven't been doing so good, have we?"

"No."

"Our mental health?"

"Positively dismal. We both probably need to be institutionalized." You tell him. Jake nods along, in understanding with your words. 

"Do you think I could convince them to let us be roomies there too?" 

"Not sure even you could swing that one, honey." You respond. Jake's eyes and whole face positively light up moments after you say the words. 

"Honey?"

You hum thinking it over before smiling and nodding, "Yup."

"But that's my nickname for you," Jake says in a pouting tone but the bright expression he is wearing hasn't dimmed. 

"Yeah, and sugar, darling, babycakes, anything related to pie—"

"I called you Huckleberry pie once and—"Jake protests but you barrel onwards cutting him off. 

"Well no more honey for you anymore. You use half the sweet names under the sun, I'm allowed to have one. And I think it's honey." You cup Jake's scratchy bearded cheeks and smile softly. "You're my honey, now." 

"Why honey?"

"Because you're so sweet."

"I'm not," Jake says brokenly, all playfulness having been sucked out of him. His head is heavy in your palm as he eases into your hold.

 "You're sweet," you repeat more firmly. Then continue, "Plus I can just imagine how snug and happy you would be in those honey combs."

"Hexagons are one of the superior shapes," Jake sighs.

"Sure they ar, and you are golden like honey." You run your fingers through Jake's hair again. He shutters hiding those sad green eyes from you.  

"I never knew just how blond the sun could make your hair," You sigh when you reach the end, scratching back up his scalp to repeat the process. You are turned fully to face him now, sloshing the water a bit to settle more comfortably. However Jake doesn't move, he seems almost as if he could be a statue made of glowing gold. 

"This tan also makes no sense," you tell him, trailing your hands over his shaped shoulders. 

He squints a single eye open at you, and you freeze as if you've been caught. Instead Jake's hand's pull your knees to settle on either side of his hips. Dragging you that much closer to him. It makes your breath hitch and Jake's eyes darken, however, he still leaves a bit of space. 

"One of my grandpas was Italian," Jake says with a quirk of his lips. The single eye he had opened closed as the smile melted off his face. Your hands resume their path, after massaging Jake's shoulders you knead his neck. Which just leads to playing with his hair again. Your train of thought was lost until you noticed a small light but fresh scar on the top of his bicep. You lean forward and  gloss your lips over the skin there. Jake's hand tightens where he is holding your thighs. He takes a careful breath in through his nose, and a long exhale. He follows that up with two more shallow but steady breaths and then just like that the tension releases from his body as he releases the air out.

"Where did you learn how to breathe like that, cowboy?" You ask him, letting your thumb continue to trace the strange new scar you have been examining. 

"Oh, so, I'm cowboy now?"

"Mr. Cowboy, my honey." You coo back. Jake's eyes flutter open again, he blinks slowly at you heavily lidded.  

"You are avoiding the question." You prompt him by raising an eyebrow. 

"It's not as bad as you're probably thinking," Jake answers a moment later. 

"I'm thinking, you did a whole summer of Vipassana, and meditation in some foreign country that made you have concerns about being that white guy(™)."  

As his lips lift in response to your joke, you think Jake's dimples are some of the prettiest things in this world. Suddenly, you find it unacceptable that his beard hides any part of them from your view. You see the hint of them but it's not the same you think as you trace the shape of one. Your left hand remains pressed over the new scar you had discovered. 

"We both know I could never do vipassana."

"I have evidence to the contrary," the words fall from your lips before you can stop them, and you regret them instantly. 

"Don't be mean to me," he begs you. In the same breath he speaks the words you are already halfway through saying, sorry.

"I'm working on leaving it I promise," You tell him.

"We don't have to leave it, we could talk about it." Jake suggests hopefully. 

"We are leaving it Jake," you say back sharply and he snaps his mouth shut chewing at the side of his cheek for a moment before responding. 

"Okay. I know I hurt you deep, and it's still fresh," Jake responds. His jaw clenches and you feel it jump.  

"So, it wasn't meditation? Is this going to be another riveting USNA story?" You ask him, steering the conversation back on a lighter track. 

"It was before Annapolis."

"Tell me more," you laugh, dropping your hold on his face, leaning forward and resting your check against his bicep.  

"You're going to laugh at me," he pouts.

"I find that an entirely likely probability," you answer teasingly. 

"I had to take friendship classes in middle school." 

"I'm sorry, you did what?" You ask Jake to repeat, trying to process this bit of information. 

"This other kid and I hated each other, and we were constantly getting into it. The worst part is we had lockers right next to each other. He accidentally hit me with his locker, and I lost it. So, I slammed his head right back and we started brawling. Anyways, long story short, our school counselor made us take friendship classes, and taught us breathing techniques. It was all bull shit, but we ended up being friends afterwards, bonding over how stupid friendship class was."

"At least you got some good breathing techniques." 

"Something like that," Jake laughs back. 

"What's this one then? It's new." you say ghosting your lips over the scar you had found again. Jake sighs, glancing at the scar himself. 

"You are going to be mad," he starts. 

"Why would I be mad, honey?"

"I got two more moles removed." The admission makes you pull back and give Jake a weary suspicious glare. 

"Have you not been wearing sunscreen again?"

"No, I've been wearing sunscreen ever since you told me about it, I promise. The Doc just asked about one of them and wanted to do a biopsy. So, I said he might as well just take them all off while he was at it."

"And?" 

"Everything came back benign. Nothing to really worry about, Sugar."

"I always worry about you, Jakers." You sigh with relief and kiss that scar again, enjoying the feeling of having your head pillowed on his arm. 

"I know, I'm sorry." Jake whispers back. You wish he had just left it as I know. 

"I don't want to make you worse, Jake."

"You don't make me worse. I am worse, no one has ever inspired me to act quite as selfishly as you have. I don't even know how to wholly be anymore without you." 

"I just want to make things better for you." 

Jake groans quietly, "Maybe someday it will finally click that you make everything better. That you are stunning, and gorgeous, and just over all the best." 

"We could clear cut a forest, and not find a single tree that's sappier than you Jake." It inspires a quirk of his lips but not the laugh you were hoping for.

"You are probably right," is all Jake says back, continuing to trace shapes into your skin. It's quiet for a long time as you two just exist together, coming down from the emotional turmoil of the night. 

Eventually, You ask, "Jake, where are you?" 

"I don't know. I don't know, Sugar," He sighs and tilts his head back letting out an exhausted breath. 

"Are you in the clouds?" You ask. He thinks before shaking his head no. 

"Are you on the ocean?"

He feels the water around him briefly then settles his hands on your skin again. "It doesn't appear so."

"Are you on base?"

"No." 

"So, where are you?"

"I know I'm here with you sugar, it just doesn't feel real." Jake answers. 

You examine him closely from his wet hair to the defined muscles of his shoulders and neck. How much muscle Jake gained deployment almost pushed him into a category you would describe as too buff, but not actually going over the edge. As you trace the shape of his face you can easily identify what one of the problems is. 

"You are being suffocated," you tell him as your fingers trace up his cheeks and around through his hair there.

"Why do you have a beard Jake?" You ask in a gentle curious tone. 

"I don't have to shave until I go back to work."

"You should shave sooner," You say encouragingly. 

"Too tired," Jake says, stretching out one of his legs in the water. 

"Do you want help?"

"You want to give me a shave, sugar?"

"I'd be willing to give it a go if you feel like it would help," you answer plainly. He thinks about it before nodding. 

"It would." 

That's all you need to hear before you are stepping out of the bath. Immediately you hate how the wet material of your shirt clings to your skin. So, you quickly rip it off and throw it into the shower. Jake groans behind you and you point a finger back at him while grabbing fresh towels and Jake's shaving kit from beside the sink.  

"It's nothing you haven't seen and you can control yourself," you chastise him. 

"But you are so fucking beautiful," Jake groans making absolutely no effort to hide the way his eyes trace over your body. 

"You were two minutes from falling asleep."

"That was before," Jake whines as you come back to the bath and he sees you in even more detail. 

You set the shaving kit to the side within easy reach and settle yourself back into the water. You sit so your bare chest is pressed against his. This makes Jake close his eyes throwing his head back  whispering a quiet "Fuck."

When his eyes open again, they are slightly dilated with lust. It makes you smile at him whispering, "hi there." 

"Hi," he breaths back.

"Hi," you say again, smiling wider. Jake can't stop himself from smiling as well, lips drawn upwards. His hands trace up your bare sides and you give him a small glare. Grabbing his chin you tilt his head back once more. 

"Yup, hold yourself just like that," You tell him, pausing to make sure he doesn't move. You start to lather up some shaving cream spreading it along this neck. 

"Have you shaved someone else before?" Jake questions. 

"Not really. So, you might want to give me pointers. I don't want to cut your pretty face." You answer with a teasing tone. 

Jake hums in acknowledgement thinking for a long moment. Then he starts to detail the intricate shaving ritual he normally keeps. You follow each one of the steps. It's a slow process, shaving him. You are worried that you will cut him or make some other mistake in the process. Jake isn't hesitant or shy about giving you sweet and gentle encouragement. 

Finally, Jake's face is free of hair again. You help wipe away the remaining product, and dab on the aftershave in his kit you brought over. Jake winces but gives you a tentative smile when you stare at him examining your work. You smile back softly, setting things down that are in your way, feeling relieved to be done. 

The two of you finish your bath before getting out and drying off. Wrapping a towel around yourself, you head back to your room changing and settling into bed. Jake follows not long after in a pair of comfy pants and a soft muscle shirt. He asks if he can join you in bed even though you already pulled the covers back while waiting for him. 

Jake takes a bit of shifting to get comfortable until he is laying on his side facing you, meeting your gaze as you shift to see him better. You lift a hand to cup his face enjoying the fresh smooth skin there. 

"Ah, there he is," you say with a soft sigh. The lines of Hangman's face are prominent and easy to follow again. A tear spills from Jake's eye and you push it away gently. Leaning forwards Jake angles his lips to barely brush over yours before he pulls back. 

"Please?" You ask him, going to follow his lips for more. 

"I don't think we should," Jake responds and snuggles his face into your neck to avoid the temptation of your lips. 

"But we fit. We fit perfectly," you whisper. 

"That's exactly the problem," Jake answers. "I won't do wrong by you again. And that means I don't want to rush anything. Are you in a hurry?"

"Does that have a timeline?" You ask, ignoring your frustration. 

"It does in a general sense."

"Care to share?"

"Sure," Jake mutters tiredly into your neck. "I think it's been going for a while. Right?"

"That's right," You answer, letting your hand drift into his long hair. It is almost all the way dry now and fluffy. He had a haircut scheduled before he started work again leaving you only a few days left to savor this. His eyes close, and a small smile graces his face. With a gentle scratch of your nails against his scalp a tiny whine tumbles out of him. Jake seems too tired to care anymore. His nose just nuzzles your neck, and he places a tiny kiss there. You sigh, and resume playing with the silky strands. 

"And how long before we have it all figured out, Honey?" You ask. 

"As I see it, the rest of our lives. So, give or take sixty-ish more years."

"We are making it the long haul huh?"

"Yes, Ma'am. We will, so there's absolutely no reason to start at a sprint." 

"I thought you had a need for speed." You tell him teasingly. 

Jake huffs into your neck, sucking in a deep breath he blows it out slowly tickling your skin. "I have a great comeback for that."

"Oh really?" 

He hums in affirmation. Then he sleepily manages to crack an eye open and looks at you, while he mumbles, "But I am a sleepy boy. Wait, no…  a sleepy man"

You chuckle and kiss Jake's forehead. "Goodnight, sleepy boy"

"Sleepy man," he tries to correct you, but the words are hardly coherent. It takes less than five minutes before Jake is fully asleep, and you aren't far off yourself. Jake is so warm, and itis so easy to match your breaths with his deep even ones. Falling into a dream where you spend sixty years with Jake, even there in your dream you realize that still might not be enough. 

… 

Read the rest of this chapter on AO3. Sorry again, Tumblr wouldn't let me put it all here (and that it's so long). My first reblog of this here on Tumblr has the other half as well.

[winterwhisperz-blog]

Hey ☽ ! I loved reading your recent ask posts and wanted to know if you could write something with a MC (gn or male whatever makes you more comfortable) filling their sketchbook with drawings of Ais or Kuras (or both if you're inspired enough) and them reacting to it, please ?👉🏽👈🏽 Cute bonus if they draw small details only an attentive observer would notice hehe 👀

Thanks have great day ! >:)

EEEEEEE! Yes!! This is such a cute idea so tysm for the ask !! Also tysm im so happy you liked the other headcanons, and I hope you have a great day too !! <3

ALR

LES GET STARTED

Ais And Kuras Reacting to an Mc’s Sketches of them

Warnings: None 😙 —though Ais does get a lil flirty in his

Notes: Gn Mc, fluff, maybe OOC but imma try my best— also not proof-read

Ais

ALR ALR ALR SO

This one is kinda inspired by that one scene in across the spiderverse- because I’m also kinda obsessed with that movie—

Things have come up, things that have been taking you from Ais for longer than comfortable. You miss his laugh, smile, the way his eyes roam over yours and how he speaks and just generally -exists-

So one night, when you need comfort, you get out your sketchbook and pencil, and just start drawing. You don’t mean to draw him at first, but suddenly the lines start to sharpen into his features, his smile looking back at you through the paper

Suddenly your filling up pages of pages of just random Ais sketches. Him petting Princess, him lounging about his cave, you even chuckle to yourself when you draw the first time you ever saw him. (You casually name that one: The Bastard—lmao)

When you finally meet Ais again, and have gone back to your usual routine of hanging out—he’s settled nearby, a few smaller soulless nestled into his lap.

It’s definitely something you don’t want to forget—and thankfully, you’ve got your sketchbook with you.

As your sketching, you’re trying to be sneaky, keeping your glances to a minimum. But your eyes tend to linger, capturing the strands of black hair that shifts to white, the sharp red eyes, the -tired- red sharp eyes.

No one really notices the tiredness in them, but you do. Along with every thought and voice that parades endlessly behind their ruby curtains.

They’re kind, but haunted—exhausted.

But they always still light up when seeing you.

“Hmm, looks nice.”

You jump at the sound of his voice, his breath tickling your ear.

You instantly snap the book shut, but it’s too late. Ais is already smirking. His hands up in mock surrender as you shoot him a nasty, embarrassed glare.

“Easy, sparrow. Wasn’t going to judge.”

Your shoulders slowly relax, and since he’s being nice—nice enough—you eventually do decide to show him. A warmth of pride blooming in your chest at his expressions, both amazed, impressed, oddly enough— a bit shy.

Once he’s finished, he sets himself in front of you, relaxing his shoulders, tilting his chin in a cheeky grin. As he holds it—you finally realize he’s posing.

“looked like you enjoyed drawing me.” He explains once you raise a brow. You scoff, but it -is- a lovely pose. Would be a shame if it were wasted.

As you sketch, he lets out a breath. “You’re good at expressions,”

“Yours are easy to read.”

That earns a bit of a chuckle, before he raises a brow. An idea sparking in his gaze. Uh oh.

“Mm, yeah? Well—“ he shifts, eyes sliding up and down your figure before they latch unto your face. Taking in every last detail with some kind of burning. Like coals set aflame. His gaze makes you feel like glass, a thin white sheet that he looks straight through. Revealing things underneath. “—tell me what this one means.”

With that, heat goes to your cheeks, and a thin line of pencil scratches the paper as you toss it at his now, laughing face.

“Damn bastard.”

AAAAAAAAAAA

OKAY THAT WAS PROBABLY CRINGEY BUT THATS OKAY

NOW UNTO KURAS 😇

Kuras

OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY SO SO SO SO SO

You two are on your daily stroll, the evening painting golds and bubblegum pinks across the usually dreary sky.

Birds, dusty grey and white flock toward him, some even landing on his head before he politely shoos them off. A smile lifting his lips as you snicker.

“They must mistake you for a tree.” You tease, earning a small chuckle.

Eventually, you near the area you always walk to—a small, old wooden bench that looks over the wastelands. Doesn’t make for the best scenery, but it’s that or the bustling city.

As you sit, you pull your art supplies from your bag, Kuras opening a book beside you.

ALSO HES WEARING HIS GLASSES AAAA

You start sketching the sky, a breeze tossing strands of your hair into your face and making the task rather difficult.

As you huff, Kuras glances your way, a smile playing at his lips as he gently tucks your hair behind your ear—fingers just barely brushing your jaw as he pulls away.

You can’t help but stare, a bit flustered at the gesture. And as he returns to his book, you watch as the golden light gleams over his features, turning his eyes into two, small suns.

A few birds have returned as well, perching either nearby, or on his shoulders.

An opportunity, an art piece you cannot miss.

You quickly ditch the sky drawing and start sketching Kuras instead. His towering form, the golden teardrop underneath his eye, the waves of his dark hair—and the way he holds himself, so regally, refined—but still somehow, with a small playful air that would go unnoticed by many.

But not unnoticed by you.

The sky darkens as you finish, and you hear Kuras close his book, slowly standing. A soft palm reaches your shoulder before freezing.

You look up to see Kuras, eyes wide with wonder as he slides his glasses back onto his nose. Taking a closer look.

Feeling both excited and a bit nervous, you clear your throat from probably an hour of not speaking. “Do you like it?”

He reaches for your sketchbook, “May I?”

When you nod, he gently takes it from your hands, looking over the picture like it were some complicated medical drawings.

You don’t have time to stop him as he then searches through the rest of the sketches, the wonder brightening up his expression—you can’t help but feel amused—it’s almost like he’s a child seeing snow for the first time. “You drew all of these?” He asks, hesitantly giving you the book back.

You nod, standing beside him.

“It’s…I’ve never seen anyone draw the world like you do.” He glances away before regaining himself. “Could you teach me?”

EEEEEEEE

yes Kuras I will teach you <33

ALR

I rlly hope you enjoyed that !! Sorry if they were OOC, I’ve been kinda scattered recently. But these were sO MUCH FUN

Tysm again for the ask 😭

And I hope you have an amazing day, find your favorite color in nature, smell your favorite flower, and enjoy the sunset !!

[sugarcryztal]

Hiiiii :D

so i saw that u were doing match-ups and here i am! (my first time requesting anything but still-)

you can call me K, and can i please get a genshin romantic match up that's sfw? i go by she/her, and pretty sure im straight... i'm pretty introverted and dislike loud people and like horror as a whole, but i do like to be alone while im surrounded by either books or trees (maybe chocolate too-) im also kinda two-faced, like super polite and quiet to strangers but then i can go on an entire rant when im with close people. like i can just start talking about random stuff ranging from nature all the way to food or something. my love language is either physical touch or gift giving, and i adore suprise attacking someone with hugs or just tackling in general. for hobbies its probably drawing or singing? singing i would prefer to be private though. oh and i fall sick really easily too, like i fell sick thrice this year (and is still sick as of 22/8)

Thank youuu and u better go drink some water before you write ☆ now have a star cause ur a star ;D

(might come back for bsd...?)

do wtv u want anon! more requests are always welcomed when they open <3 and ty for the star!! I will always cherish it (><) YES I DRANK WATER!

Your genshin match is. . .

NEUVILLETTE !

⟡ HE IS A LADIES MAN AND I SAY THAT WITH MY CHEST!

⟡ Introvert x Introvert except you don’t know he’s an introvert because he has to talk to so much people a day..

⟡ You guys can say “I’m pretty sure I’m straight” together… /j

⟡ When he’s pining, he doesn’t know what to do to be honest.

⟡ You would THINK this calm and composed dragon make who has lived for over hundreds of years would know how to romance someone, but he doesn’t.

⟡ Or at least. He thinks he doesn’t? But don’t tell him he has oblivious charm.

⟡ When he’s around you his face is very stoic and he’s poised, but if he tucks his hair behind his ears, you can see the tips of them getting red from him just being near you! <3

⟡ He’s already quiet, so he doesn’t have to worry about himself, but he does protect you from people. He always makes sure they tone down their energy levels and that they’re at least not yelling into your ears.

⟡ The type of man to grab your hand and kiss the back of it softly 😍

⟡ You’ll notice that once you leave his office, it almost immediately starts raining. If you do know his secret at this time you always wonder what’s up with him.

⟡ Eventually, when you do ask why he’s been so sad lately, he caves. He confesses VERY formally that he is in fact, in love with you. And he gets upset when you leave because (he’s secretly clingy) he just misses you so much!

⟡ When you pause to process, he quickly internally panics and clears his throat. Continuing to say how he understands you may not feel the same way, but you quickly cut him off and tell him your own feelings.

⟡ After you guys made the switch to boyfriend and girlfriend, he was so happy!

⟡ Was very surprised when you started talking a lot more, but was overall happy because it meant you were opening up to him more and that was exactly what he wanted! For you to trust him like how he trusts you!

⟡ He’s usually very busy, so you may not be able to see him a lot, but when he is off and he spots you around he quietly approaches you from behind and gently wraps his arms around your waist.

⟡ He’s not very physically affectionate in public due to the fact he has a public image to maintain, but behind closed doors he is such a cuddle bug!

⟡ Loves to just bury his face against your shoulder or neck while spooning you, quietly breathing in your soothing scent as you rant about your day to him. He will softly hum in acknowledgment and caress you softly.

⟡ He is weirdly strong? So when you surprise attach him with hugs and cuddles, he barely moves! He just smiles and holds you in his arms while pressing a soft kiss to you cheek before asking about your day.

⟡ For dates, he will bring you to secluded spots of Fontaine. Places with beautiful flora and cute fauna. You guys usually have nice book dates and picnics in these locations. However he also encourages you to go to them whenever you please. How showed you them for a reason!

⟡ Sometimes when you guys are out and sitting together, he likes to hug you from the side and lean his head on top of yours to watch you as you sketch out a scenery.

⟡ Absolutely enchanted by your singing. One time he accidentally walked in lot your guys room to hear you singing to yourself because he had gotten home early from work, he was simply swooned even more!

⟡ He always hums the songs he catches you singing, he simply does it because they remind him of you and your melodic voice that wrapped his heart like a warm blanket.

⟡ Will adore every gift you give him or he will buy little trinkets that remind him of you to give to you later when he gets to your place!

⟡ If you ever got him an ugly Christmas sweater as a gag gift, he probably actually has it hanging in his closet somewhere. He’s patiently waiting for the perfect time to wear it.

⟡ Stops by at shops sometimes to see if you would like anything and will always return with a box of assorted chocolates for you to try. If you don’t like a certain chocolate? Lesson learned! He will remember that. If you like a certain flavor? He already has fifty boxes of them. /hj

⟡ When you guys watch movies together, he likes to hold you a lot. Whenever he gets nervous or scared, he’ll softly squeeze you in his arms like a little stress toy!

⟡ Please don’t tease him when he’s scared, he mostly just grows concerned for your safety and wants to make sure you’re safe!

⟡ Though he also really likes horror movies because he gets to hold you for an extended period of time before you guys have to get up and go to bed cuddling even more.

⟡ Will always take care of you when you’re sick! Sometimes he gets a little confused, but grows to understand the specific needs of your body based off your behaviors.

⟡ Will make you stay in bed with a cooling/warming blanket depending on your systems and prepare very nutritious meals he got from Wriothesley to make sure you come back just as strong as you were before!

That morning, you had just woken up sick. You refused to admit it though, walking about in the house to get ready for that day. About you never got far as Neuvillette followed closely behind.

He snuck in a thermometer, taking your temperature. It was a normal temperature for a cold. With that information, he gently pulled you back down onto the bed, whining at you softly to stay with him and that you were sick so you should just call in from work. You huffed softly as he got up and got ready, but only put on casual clothes. Turns out he was staying home with you until you felt better!

The rest of the day, he fed you soups and nutrient packed foods. Making sure to spoonfeed you all of it. If you didn’t eat the whole thing how would he have known if it worked to its full extent or not!

Later, the medicine. He sighed as she held the soup up to your mouth which you persistently would push away. “My dove, I know you don’t like the taste of it, but it will help you get better.” Reluctantly, you gave in. He would’ve found a way to get you to take it anyway, so might as well get it over with!

Of course, he would always shower you with love and kisses afterwords, he wanted you to know how proud he was of you for making it through the day.

The very next day, he also got sick…

08.29.24

[normal-person-i-promise]

im a normal person who writes normal things! dont even worry bout it man im normal :)

currently interested in:

mp100: reigen robots,,,, objectum

fics do not use pronouns/vivid descriptions of the reader unless stated otherwise in the summary in the post itself! the most i go to is saying your eyes are pretty or your hair is shiny :3 not really descriptive tell me if anything isnt working or i missed anything <3 i'll fix it as fast as i can

master list ≈★ ♡ ~ ♡ ~ ♡ ~ ♡ ~ ♡ ~ ♡ ~ ♡

objectum:

remember: you are a human and you are a lover. A computer. A machine of cold metal and electrical wire. An unfeeling machine. A machine made to work, to code, to write. A human. A creature of warm flesh and red blood. A feeling creature. A creature made to love, to sing, to live.

Kissing my computer like crazy and the cold sensation lingers on my lips just the post. not much to say

computer partner that tries its best to make you happy when you're feeling down, pulling up your favorite videos to watch, playing music that you enjoy, drawing little hearts on your screen for you, just letting you know that it cares for and loves you <3 ALSO jus t the post

mp100:

arataka reigen:

public transport The sudden jerk of the train starting takes you by surprise, and you nearly fall down — had it not been for the fact that someone gripped your upper arms tightly before your face could connect with the cold, hard floor. You look up quickly, your face heating when you realize who it is.

「いかないで」 "dont go' vent post! fluff and angst. the story is basically just the song

slurred teases and sweet kisses chapters one and two You roll your eyes as he takes another sip of his drink, his mouth set in a smug grin as he swirls the liquid in his glass and watches as the ice clinks against the walls of his cup. With each sip he takes, his face gets more flushed, his words get more slurred.

Arataka has an embarrassingly low tolerance to alcohol, and you're witnessing it firsthand. He's feeling it too; that urge to kiss you is a lot stronger than usual...

overcoat "...Arataka. What are you doing." Your tone is flat; unimpressed, as he slides one arm out of his coat, leaving the other in.

"...Making sure my beloved employee doesn't freeze her little fingers off, that's what." He grins at you, a mischievous glint in his eye as he lays the side of the coat he isn't wearing onto your shoulder, shoving your arm in.

»— yandere arataka reigen headcanons —> short little sort of outline of a fic with chapters

chapped lips (most popular!! thanks for 300 notes!) "Want a taste?" You ask in a teasing tone, capping the lip balm and pointing it in his general direction. Your heart flutters when you see his cheeks flush, and he averts his gaze quickly.

"As if I want a taste of your horrible lip balm," he shoots back, a grin playing on his lips as he looks at you, his head turned to the side.

public transport The sudden jerk of the train starting takes you by surprise, and you nearly fall down — had it not been for the fact that someone gripped your upper arms tightly before your face could connect with the cold, hard floor. You look up quickly, your face heating when you realize who it is.

that onigiri you like Arataka scours the onigiri aisle, running everything under his careful, though sluggish eyes, looking and searching and scouting, and... Right there! He reaches for one for himself and one for you, and his hand moves so fast that he finds himself having brushed it against someone else getting that same flavour. He huffs in annoyance, looking up to apologise, and—

Oh. it's you.

burning hot (yandere!!) "Reigen? Everything okay?"

No. No no no no. Not you. Don't talk to him. And you're worrying about him. Again. Why must you be so... Caring?

katsuya serizawa:

homework "Boy," Katsuya whispers to himself as he stares dreamily at you, leaning on his homework, "those eyes really are like gemstones."

utmv: various

Bad sansuary (gave up on this (burnt out)): day one (wrong character): hot drinks day two (also wrong character): romance day one (correct character finally): hot drinks day two: romance day three: sharp day four: compliments day five: good soup day six: peppers day seven: go all out day eight: boxed in day nine: judgement day ten: vibe check!!! day eleven: rival day twelve: haunted day thirteen: shadow day fourteen: tears day fifteen: caught red-handed day sixteen: fragile

yandere!sans aus cuddle hcs (unfinished)

nightmare:

the apple incident vent. not x reader

What point was there even trying to negotiate with the townfolk? They don't know anything. They'd kill him regardless.

bad apple chapters one and two (unfinished, indefinite hiatus) As Nightmare finished off the last apple, his painful shriek split the air as four great tentacles burst from his back: thrashing, physical manifestations of negativity, his body too full of hate, anger, envy, and... Love. He loved you, he realized. Loved you a lot more than he thought he did. And when he realized he finally had enough power to scare the townspeople and have you all to himself, he was ecstatic.

horror:

bluuush ........ based on the drawing !!

miscellaneous:

i love you hurt/comfort x reader. purely a vent

[fanofthelamb]

So I went dumpster diving in my tablet for the first lamb I ever drew and WOW... I found a lot of sketches I really don't plan on revisiting. I am jsut gonna dump them below the cut for people to see!! Some of it is lore related, some of it is shit I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATE, but IDC!!! I will post it anyway for the tumblr users who I keep an eye on my notifs for. (yes, i see you guys. even if i dont always interact I see you and love you guys)

Anyway, here is the earliest drawin I have of me drawing the lamb!! I am going to write a comment under a lot of these to add context to them.

A cute little baby <3333 but I struggled a LOT of figuring out what the lamb was wearing, I eventually figured it out though. (I hope)

if you know, you know. (RIP VAL)

for my BTG AU. I decided I no longer wanted chemach to make the [spoiler] for the lamb, though, so I scrapped this

vaaaal,,,,,, i was still learning how to draw him, i wish i put pants on him but do those even exist in COTL? (yes)

I haven't been able to do much with them because I'm putting other stuff first, but Brear has two kids, Notre and Brejul who Narinder absolutely ADORES. he is the one who babysits.

fun fact but the lamb being touch repulsed is a projection LOL. i hate it when people touch me it feels so tickly and makes me want to bite their faces off. (but i am touch starved and i LOVE to show affection to other ppl, esp thru back rubs)

yes, they have a hoop for personal space. no, ill never use it.

drum corcl,,,, i love the little dancing guy that comes from the drums

more narinder and brear. they're not romantically interested in each other, but he is absolutely head over heels for brear, their brother, and the kids. they even call him dad sometimes.

[no context]

kallamar and leshy before their crowns. the scene i have related to this isn't happening anymore, but it was leshy begging to be taught to swim.

another "the one who baby sits" doodle. the bishops all came into the cult with a very good repuation thanks to narinder. he likes to tell the kids of the cult stories about how amazing his siblings were. at first, it was just to nobre and brejul with stories about leshy(he missed leshy a lot even though he was still mad at him, and the two reminded narinder of his time with leshy), but then it escalated into him hosting storytimes with larger groups after they started repeating some of the stories he'd tell them.

unfinsihed stuff about with the lamb and thier mom. their mom wasn't afraid of the bishops at all, but knew that they were a still a threat to her and her child's life. the lamb did NOT care for anyone thier mom didn't approve of/enthusiastically liked. they were much more afraid of the bishops than their mother.

i do not actually know if i posted this.i dont think so, but i giggle every time i scroll past it

brear and nobre <333

im still workong on BTG shit, and i post a little bit of the characters on here even tho the comics are going to be posted elsewhere. they have a "crownlike" beak, but a body part. there's different creatures who became gods through different ways; crowns are one way but their power is stuck with the crown and they are considered extremely weak compared to other gods. i wont blabber on about it tho.

so many sketches has random lines through em because i work with a tablet,,, i hate it. anyway, narinder and kallamar everybody!

sketches i made but didn't bother to finish of me and merbre,,,,,,,,, my husband #1 <3 them w/ narinder + merbre arent gonna be considered "canon" but damn it ill self-ship with them until i get a follower i can WORK with

i come back to this every few weeks and im never happy with it, i dont know if ill finish this but i think about them........ before the divorce </3

unused from an ask

heartstealer. menace. you can rip my heart out anytime, leshy <3

dreshy. he LOVES dresses and being pretty and cute and pretty. he sucks narinder into a lot and heket will sometimes join in if he demands asks her to <3

another unused drawing from an ask i'll eventually answer. (mildly offended at being called a mutton cube.)

.... aaand WOW! I think that's everything guys!! things are still kinda wild but they're calming down a little bit. idk how much longer it's gonna last like this but I have some energy so I made a way-too-long post showing off art I wasn't supposed to post! Awesome. :D