#old talking tag that im too lazy to get rid of ->

[squidpedia]

HI I’M PEDIA, MASTERPOST DOWN BELOW BUT HOLD ON REALLY QUICK:

Please ask for permission in my messages before reposting my work! This includes dubbing! (Note: reblogs are fine!! Specifically just referring to making a post that includes my art on other sites and platforms like twitter, reddit, youtube, etc) PFP’s don’t need permission, just include credit in bio please. Most likely I’ll be ok with it so please don’t be shy, it’s just a boundary I like having respected

Drawing requests are alright (but i am unlikely to accept oc requests, sorry!!) Keep it appropriate and don’t be rude. But no guarantees I’ll be able to accept everything!

But also if I never respond to your ask I promise its nothing personal, I’m just bad at responding to everyone. We’re at around 140 asks sitting in my inbox collecting dust

Making stuff based off my art and designs is totally fine (including redrawing something in your style), just 1) tag and credit me because i would lovedeeeee to see and would burst into a million tears otherwise 2) try to link back to the original post if possible!

Please refer to Frisk, Chara, and Kris with they/them strictly here (or Chara by they/it).

Errr this is a lot more specific to my personal take but my Clover uses they/them (and maybe they/she? 👀). All my other fallen human designs though are they/them

dumbass made this a sideblog

talking tag is #moth talk drawing tag is #pedias art

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I post non-utdr fanart too on @squidpedias-fanart . Currently really into lmk, isat, splatoon, zelda, and toh so that’s mainly what I’ve been posting there. Maybe go take a peak?

If you’re interested in any fantasy stories i also have these funny comics called @an-unconscious-effort-comic and @dragontry-comic that im still working on

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I have a Cara, an Artfight, Youtube, Twitter that i don’t really post on, and a Switch (SW-2670-2211-5056)

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UTDR/UTY COMICS MASTERPOST

Clover’s Memories (ongoing - i prommy)

(9/7 update - sorry chat having trouble catching a break these days. dissociated for most of yesterday, fighting off nausea today teehee✨i fear the next part is cursed somehow. Its soooo frustrating too because i know exactly what the next parts after this chapter look like and they feel so visually interesting and fun to draw and think about but I sTILL NEED TO FINISH THIS NEXT CHAPTER THATS GOING INSANELY SLOW RAAAA💥💥💥💥)

(9/14 update - GIRL I HAVE LIKE 4 DEADLINES I GOTTA COMPLETE THIS WEEK AND I HAVE TO GRIND THE SPLATFEST)

Silence | Memory 1 | Memory 2 | Memory 2.5 Coming Soon | Sound | Memory 3 | Discrepancy | Memory 4 | Static

Clover’s Hat (post revive au)

Part 1 /// Part 2 /// Bonus

Kanako Integrity Duo (really short mini doodle comics)

Reconciliation // Introductions // Downtime // Ceroba // Chujin // Telepathy

Miscellaneous: (uty comics are highlighted in yellow (or orange i guess?) if you’re more interested in the strictly undertale comics)

Kris and Clover Interaction // Clover’s Sacrifice // Frisk vs. Clover’s POV // Clover Tells Martlet a Secret // Who’s Your Friend? // Pipe Down // Family Visit // Unwell // Letter // Humor // Gamer // They // Kicked Out // It Keeps Happening // What’s In A Name (9/26)

[cafedanslanuit]

♡   —   anonymous said: So I have a HC that V has burn scars on his torso from childhood, and he's v insecure about them - hence why he doesn't like people looking at his body. How would he react to MC kissing them edge to edge and just generally reassuring him that she doesn't think they're ugly n all that soft shit? 👉👈

♡   —   tags/warnings: mentions of scars and fire

♡   —   a/n: aaaaaa i’ve talked about this with @rfadaydreaming​ and @jihyuncompass​!! i love this headcanons so so so much! i haven’t written a lot for jihyun so i hope im doing him justice with this one <3 i really loved writing this one, thanks for requesting! c:

beautiful

It all started during a beach trip. It was a very hot day, so you got rid of your clothes and stayed in your swimwear. You pulled Jihyun to the ocean but since he was wearing shorts and a shirt, he could only join you until the ocean reached his knees. You told him he should just stay in his swimwear but he refused using a lame excuse. You were about to tease him about it but immediately recognized a hint of pain in his eyes so you just let it go.

The next time it happened was during a lazy Sunday morning. The light was entering your shared bedroom window, making him glow and look beautiful and you couldn’t help but kiss him. The intimacy of the moment filled your senses, wanting nothing more than to touch him and feel him close. Your hands sneaked under the old t-shirt he used as a pajama and just as you were tracing his abs, you felt his hand closing around your wrist. The same pain you had seen at the beach was present again in his teal eyes, only this time there was a pinch of fear with it. After a couple of seconds of looking at each other, he quickly let you go, muttering an apology. Before you could get the courage to ask him about it, he kissed your forehead and left the bed, mumbling something about breakfast.

The third time was after rain surprised you in the middle of a long walk. Both of you ran inside your home soaking wet, laughing as you closed the door behind you. You took off your coat and helped Jihyun get out of his as well. Looking at him laugh so earnestly, some of his hair sticking to his face made you realize how truly beautiful he really was. “I love you so much,” you whispered and he widened his eyes, taken aback. Soon after, he smiled at you and promised he loved you as well.

Not being able to resist, you pulled him closer, feeling his drenched clothes against yours. You held his face in between your hands and pressed your lips against his. His hands found their way to the small of your back as he kissed you. You had loved than man for years, loved him when you stayed awake at that cabin taking care of him and you loved him when he left. You loved him even more the day he returned to your arms and swore you would never let go again. Your hands trailed down his jaw and neck, making their way to his shirt, where you started unbuttoning it slowly. You felt him tensing under your touch and his hands clasped over yours once more. You searched for his eyes and saw the same look again, the pain, the fear and now, you could recognize a bit of shame amongst them.

“Please,” you whispered and you felt his hands tremble. A few seconds later, you felt his grip loosen. His eyes avoided yours as you began unbuttoning his shirt, one by one, measuring his reactions to know if you were pushing too hard. His shirt slid down from his shoulders and you noticed him wincing.

Even with the dimming lights coming through the windows of the living room, the burn scars were more than visible for you to notice. They were big and covered a good portion of his pale chest. While they didn’t hold much coloring, the wrinkled skin gave them away. Some of them were thick while some of them made his skin look so frail your heart ached for him. You found yourself tracing his scars with your fingers as softly as you could, while you thought about the fire he had whispered to you during a late night. The memories of his mother were present in each one of his scars and, knowing him like you knew now, you could tell those scars could not even begin to show the emotional pain he must have been under all those years.

Lowering your head, your lips found the closest scar, one just below his collarbone and placed a small kiss. You felt Jihyun’s body tensing, his face immediately turning to you. You looked up at him and noticed his previously avoidant eyes filling up with tears. You moved your lips to another scar, one in the middle of his chest and probably the biggest one and pressed the softest of kisses on top of it. Jihyun’s hands held onto your shoulders as if he was to lose balance any second. You continued looking for every scar on his trembling chest, pressing kisses on them, your nose nuzzling his skin as you looked for another one.

When you finally stretched your back and looked at Jihyun’s teal eyes again, you noticed his face damped with tears, small sobs stil. Stepping on your toes, you pressed a kiss on the corner of his quivering mouth.

“You’re so beautiful,” you said against his lips, your hands on top of his shoulder blades, thumb stroking his skin softly. “And I’m so in love with you.”

This time, it was Jihyun who pressed his lips against yours, finding comfort in your touch and soft words. You stayed locked in a tight embrace, wet clothes from the rain and quiet love promises, knowing you had finally torn down the last standing wall in between you both.

[ketchacabra]

stand by me

pairing: sam winchester x reader

word count: 1570

warnings: fluff, drinking

written for: @princessofthefandomrealm‘s non-dominant challenge (3hours 23minutes, no editing just posting.)

a/n: this is the first work i’m posting here and im both terrified and excited. i love writing and this fic was so much fun to write. the version of stand by me that inspired this was by the wonderful Jason Manns. 

Pouring the last drops of wine from the bottle, I smiled and leaned against the table. The bunker is silent except for the usual soft hum of the generators that are hidden deep in the bunker. Deciding that its too quiet, I open my phone and turn on my favourite playlist. As the music plays I dance around the library, wine glass still in hand.

I lose track of time as I dance around, my dress sweeping the floor and the wine warming my soul. Soon enough my glass is empty and I wander through the bunker to find the kitchen and an unopened bottle of wine.

The music follows me through the otherwise silent passages of the bunker. As I reach the library, empty glass in one hand and new bottle in the other. With a now full glass of wine I check my phone and find a string of messages from Sam letting me know they’ll be home soon and how much he misses me. I let myself get lost in the music again as I wait for them to get home. The song fades out and my favourite begins. I sing as I refill my glass, my thoughts wandering to a certain tall hunter who stole my heart.

The bunker door is the least subtle door ever invented and creaks loudly as the boys arrive home. They make their way into the bunker, finding me still singing and dancing with my wine, with Dean trailing behind an eager Sam. I twirl around, carefree and loving the swish of my dress as I turn. Without realising Sam had come closer I collide into him, his arms the only thing stopping me from tumbling over.

I find myself lost in his eyes when I look up to him. He smiles, dimples showing and hair falling around his face, ‘Hi beautiful.’

‘Hi Sam.’ I can’t stop the blush creeping onto my cheeks as he stares at me. He pulls me into a bear hug, and I sink into him, awkwardly holding my wine out so I don’t spill it over us as he pulls me impossibly close.

Dean clears his throat, ‘Its good to see you sweetheart, but I’m not hanging around you two lovebirds.’

I pull away from Sam and he reluctantly lets me go, ‘Dean, I missed you too.’ I set my wine down on the closest table, which earns me a pointed look from Dean. I respond with puppy dog eyes and a pout, ‘Don’t be like that.’

‘Sweetheart, I’ve been stuck in a car with him for hours. All he’s done is talk about seeing you again, I don’t want to keep him from you.’

Sam laughs at Dean and I can’t help but join in, ‘Okay, fine. But I want you up for breakfast, we’re eating as a family. Its been too long since I’ve seen you boys. I stocked up on bacon and I’ll even make pancakes.’

Dean pulls me in for a quick hug, ‘Sure sweetheart.’ Eyeing the two bottles of wine on the table he adds a cheeky, ‘we’ll see if you’re still up for it in the morning.’

Throwing a light punch at Dean’s shoulder I laugh, ‘shut up Dean.’

‘Yeah Dean, shut up.’ Sam echoes.

The three of us laugh and Dean turns and walks off to his room for the night. Just as he’s about to turn down the hall to the bedrooms he calls out, ‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do you crazy kids!’

‘Go to bed old man.’ I yell back.

I turn and look at Sam, who’s still smiling. His smile makes me feel like a deer in headlights. He takes a step away from the table he is leaning on, ‘I missed you baby.’

‘I missed you too Sam.’

‘C’mere,’ Sam opens his arms up and I step into them. His arms wrap around me tight and he presses a kiss to the top of my head. ‘What’d you get up to while we we’re gone?’

‘Not much, just cleaned up a bit and went for a couple supply runs. I did some of our laundry too, I had to get rid of my favourite jeans because they were covered in vamp.’ I exaggerate with a shudder and I can feel Sam chuckle. ‘I went and bought some more, I picked you and Dean up a couple things too. I restocked the beer, Dean’s whiskey and treated myself to some wine. What about you guys, how was the hunt?’

‘I see that,’ Sam replies. ‘It was easy, just a salt and burn. That didn’t stop me from missing you though. I’m just glad to be home now. Dean even agreed to take a couple days before we head out again. You tagging along next time?’

‘That’s not too bad. I miss the easy jobs, sometimes fighting angels and demons and gods messes with me. Like give me a vamp any day.’ Sam hums in agreement, his arms still tight around me. ‘I’m glad, I love just being here with you, no monsters just us. Yeah, I will. I don’t like being here alone too long, I just wanted to take a couple days to get this place liveable again.’

Sam doesn’t respond, he just holds me close. Its quiet moments like these that make every bad part of this life (and there are a lot) worth it. I never feel safer than when I’m in Sam’s arms, it’s like nothing can touch me. Neither of us speak, I start to hum along with the music that is still playing in the background.

Sam starts swaying us to the music, a sappy love song is now playing. ‘Y/N?’ He asks, snapping me out of my daze.

‘Yeah?’ I respond dreamily.

‘I asked what song was playing when we got home?’

‘Oh, Stand By Me.’ I say.

‘Turn it back on?’ he asks.

‘Sure.’ I pull away from him to get to my phone. ‘Why, do you know it’s my favourite?’

‘It is?’ He asks, cute confusion in his smile.

‘Yeah, this version anyway. You didn’t know?’ I laugh.

He shook his head, ‘I thought maybe Zepplin like Dean, you’ve always listened to his music.’

‘Oh, I do. It’s not my favourite, although Dean does have a great taste in music.’ Sam shaking his head makes me laugh even more, ‘Seriously, not that I’m complaining but why do you want me to put it on?’

‘When we walked in and I saw you dancing you seemed so carefree and happy,’ He says, a sheepish grin spreading across his features. ‘Y/N, will you dance with me?’

‘Sam Winchester, I’d love to.’

Picking up my phone to turn on the song, I take another sip of my wine. I press play and as the soft sounds of guitar echo through the library Sam takes me back in his arms.

We slowly move with the music, neither of us saying a word, both just content in each other’s embrace. The fuzzy feeling from the wine is slowly ebbing away and being replaced with the butterflies and warmth that being with Sam brings. There’s no feeling like it on this earth and not enough words to describe it, every adjective doesn’t quite fit.

The song is so fitting for this moment with Sam. It’s peaceful, there are no monsters here but even if there were I’d make it through anything with that man by my side. Thanks to the whirlpool of emotions, a single tear slides down my cheek.

I sing the second verse softly against Sam, feeling every word deep in my soul. ‘If the sky we look upon Should tumble and fall Or the mountains should crumble to the sea I won’t cry, I wont cry No, I won’t shed a tear Just as long as you stand by me’

As the final chorus plays and the songs fades away Sam and I remain silent, there’s no need for words.

Sam pulls away from the hug, leaning in for a kiss when he see’s the unshed tears in my eyes. ‘Baby, what’s wrong?’

‘Nothing,’ I whisper, unconvincingly. He doesn’t seem to buy it but before he can ask anything else I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him back closer to me. My lips are on his in a second, in that moment I have no words for him and this is the best I can do. He pulls me closer, his arms snaking around my waist. The world falls away, in this moment we’re the only things in the world. There are no sparks or fireworks like it’s told in cliché romance novels, instead a blaze of wild fire set aflame in my soul.

We pull apart, a muddle of laboured breathing and dreamily staring into each other’s eyes. Sam stares at me adoringly and my heart feels like it could burst. That was like no kiss we’d ever shared, and we’ve kissed plenty. From stolen kisses in Baby when Dean was paying for gas, lazy kisses in bed, surprise PDA to divert attention to the passionate kisses when we can’t get enough of each other.

‘I love you so much Sam.’ The words all but fall out of my mouth as I stare into his eyes.

His smile grows, dimples deepening and his eyes doing that adorable little crinkly thing. ‘I love you too Y/N.’

let me know what you think. i love and appreciate any feedback. 

[mini-pretzel]

alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love. 

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion? 

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do? 

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine? 

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room? 

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love? 

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate? 

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to? 

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet? 

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance? 

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology? 

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film? 

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle? 

idk

u

tell

me

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world? 

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them! 

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number? 

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash? 

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work? 

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general? 

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue? 

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite? 

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain? 

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy? 

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy? 

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like? 

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own? 

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it? 

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them? 

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert? 

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI? 

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel? 

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? 

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français? 

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to? 

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home? 

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous! 

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them? 

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved? 

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about? 

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment? 

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you? 

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been? 

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now? 

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile? 

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot? 

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic? 

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)? 

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married? 

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you? 

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone? 

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath? 

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl? 

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine? 

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine? 

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion? 

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after? 

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs? 

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall? 

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes? 

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past? 

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future? 

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in? 

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports? 

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets? 

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest? 

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood? 

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t? 

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree? 

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth? 

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything? 

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book? 

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment? 

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have? 

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance. 

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about? 

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot? 

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason? 

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry? 

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness? 

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going? 

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

[krustywhore]

epilogue

here it is. sorry in advance. (also, tumblr doesn’t keep italics and stuff and i’m too lazy to add them back in, so here it is on ao3 with all that jazz)

tag list: @the-woild-is-my-what-now @wetcoffeejpg @disasterbisexualhere @landofgoodbye @queer-pippa @king-of-new-yoirk @hellomynameisjo @hufflepuffpride210 @turnitoffspot

Guilt isn't something real. It's not physical, you can't touch it or get rid of it, but it's always there. It's almost as if it's an entity of its own. Guilt is a force that eats you up from the inside, clawing away at every last piece of hope that you had until it's gone and the only thing left is the knowledge that there's always something else you could've done.

The moment that Jack and Race walked into the lodging house, everything was different. None of the other newsies dared to say a word. They just sat there staring as Spot set Skip down on Davey's lap before rushing to the two. He slid an arm around Race's waist, supporting the boy a little more as they walked into a small room off the main hallway. The two older boys gently maneuvered Race onto one of the beds, closing the door behind them.

Jack finally let himself breathe as he sat down on the old, wood floors. The cracking paint on the walls, the rumble of the old plumbing running throughout, and all the things that reminded him that, as completely insane as it felt, he was home. He was home and the strike was over. He was here and so was Race. They were home. He and Spot carefully made sure the boy was comfortable before he heard the door behind them creak open.

Spot turned around expectantly like any regular person would've.

Jack immediately dove in front of Race, keeping the boy tucked behind him. He shut his eyes fiercely as if prepping for impact, but nothing came.

"Jack?" That wasn't Snyder. That wasn't Snyder, or one of the bulls, or a guard, or anyone that would ever hurt him.

He cracked his eyes open just the slightest amount and Davey was standing terrified in the doorway. His chest felt tight just looking at the boy so afraid of him, but he couldn't help the relief that flooded over him.

"Fuck," he muttered, running his hands through his hair as he felt his heartbeat begin to slow. He stood, wobbling a little on tired legs, and collapsed into the taller boy's arms. "Dave I's so sorry."

His tears poured down his cheeks as he clung tightly for dear life. "I thought I'd never see you again, Jack," Davey's voice shook as he spoke into Jack's hair. "God, I thought I almost lost you."

Their heartbeats were beating perfectly in sync, Jack finally letting himself relax even for just a second.

"I don' wanna' talk, I don' wanna' talk 'bout it, Dave," he breathed, his voice wavering a little as the other ran his fingers up and down Jack's spine.

"That's okay," Davey quickly assured him. "I won't make you talk about it until you're ready. Don't even worry about it."

Jack let out a shaky exhale and tightened his grip on Davey's waist.

"Come on, Jackie, let's go sit down. We can talk about this later, but let's get you to bed for a little while-"

"No!" Jack interrupted, holding onto Davey tight enough to probably leave a bruise, but the boy didn't make any attempt to move him. "I...I can't leave, I-I can't leave 'im."

" 'S fine, Kelly. I got 'im, jus' take care a' ya'self," Spot spoke up, his normally steely gaze now just as afraid as Jack's, a strange sort of comfort to the boy. "Let Dave take care a' ya', I'll be sure ta' let ya' know if anythin' happens, I promise."

Jack hesitated for a moment before he nodded against Davey's chest and the latter led him upstairs to the rooftop.

The silence of the increasingly emptying room was deafening. Spot felt like he could finally relax a little, though, as he closed the door and sat down on the edge of the small cot. He gently ran his fingers through Race's hair, trying as hard as he could not to think about how high his fever felt against his hand.

He couldn't lose Race. He just couldn't.

He took a chance on that kid, really opened up to someone for the first time since he'd been living on the streets, and he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to do it again if anything happened to that boy. So he couldn't lose him. He couldn't watch the one person he truly loved slip through his fingers without ever being able to do anything.

So that was why he took up a small collection from the kids in Brooklyn, he made some bets at the Sheepshead, and even took an extra few papes every day so he could get that boy a proper doctor. A little voice in the back of his head was warning him that it was hopeless. It was screaming not to waste his time on something so doomed, but he didn't care. Besides, it was for Race. Even if it was for nothing, it wouldn't be wasted. Any effort he made would be worth it for every single day they got to spend together.

And as he sat in that room for days just talking to the boy and waiting for him to wake up, he began to realize things. Like all the years that he had taken for granted. He never once sat down and thought about what his life would be like without Race sneaking in through his bedroom window every night. He never imagined what it would be like to sell alone at the races, never once daring to risk his money on the bets. Hell, he never thought he'd lose Race to the refuge even for just a few days! They spent years hiding what was then only an innocent friendship with Race somehow finding the means to sneak back and forth between Manhattan and Brooklyn hundreds of times.

Race never got caught. Not doing anything. He stole Finch's slingshot? No one would ever know. He snagged one of Henry's combs? Hell if anyone else knew! The refuge never even seemed like a problem until all of a sudden there he was.

Spot spent that night and many others not leaving that tiny room for longer than it took to go to the bathroom or to grab Race a glass of water from the tap in the kitchen.

Two days had gone by when Race finally started getting antsy. Hell, he hadn't seen his friends in ages at that point! Jack and Davey had been paranoid, not letting anyone into the room without showering first, swearing that if there was any way to prevent any more germs from getting in there, they would take full advantage of it.

But then Race asked to see Crutchie.

They all knew he was going to eventually. Crutchie had even been asking Jack if he could ever since the boys got back, but it was just too risky at first.

Until they thought, maybe it wasn't.

After all that time, Crutchie would finally get to see the boy that literally almost died just on the off chance he would save him. He wasn't sure if he could even bring himself to do it.

It wasn't until December twelfth. The worst day.

Everyone had thought things were getting better. They all thought the refuge was behind them. The strike was over, the newsies throughout the city were living better than ever before, and it seemed like that meant Manhattan too.

But that was before Race seemed to stop getting better. Sure, anything had been better than that cramped little cell in the refuge and it did wonders at first just to be back in the lodging house, but soon enough, there wasn't much else that fresh air and a bed could fix.

And that was when Jack started working harder. He took at least an extra fifty papes every day just in an attempt to get some more food for the boy at the end of the day.

And then Spot stopped leaving Manhattan. He would sell some papes through Manhattan's circulation if Race was asleep, and if he wasn't, he refused to leave his side.

It was awful not knowing whether anything they were doing was making a difference at all.

Most of Manhattan's boys weren't even allowed into the room where they were keeping Race. That is, unless he specifically asked for them. They claimed it was too dangerous and they couldn't risk the chance of making his infection worse by bringing in any unnecessary germs, but Race knew the other side to it.

They didn't the boys to see him.

Race couldn't really see what he looked like, but he knew it had to be bad. He knew however bad it was, it was enough to scare the kids, and that was all the answer he needed.

So he played along and agreed when he needed to that letting any extra germs in was a risk no one was willing to take.

But that morning of December twelfth, Jack came into Race's small room to try and get some fluids into him. Spot, who had refused to leave the boy's side yet again, was still asleep against the wall by the bed, his hand in Race's.

Race sat up slightly as he heard the boy walk in, accepting Jack's glass of water and sipping it slowly. The lukewarm drink still felt like heaven on his dry throat. He had gone a few days without speaking more than a few instances, but every breath was like sandpaper in his throat and he could barely fill his lungs from what felt like a pile of bricks on his chest.

Jack looked like a trainwreck. His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and that didn't help the darkening bags under his eyes either. He never smiled anymore, not real ones anyway. He was too busy driving himself insane with guilt.

"Jackie," Race rasped, grateful that the boy was still close enough so he wouldn't have to strain his voice much. Jack looked up and met his gaze, a mutual sadness behind their eyes for the other's state. "D'ya think Crutchie's ready ta' see me?"

Jack twisted up the corner of his lips almost like the signature smirks that always used to paint his face, but this wasn't the same. But he nodded, shrugging his shoulders.

"I know ya' wanna' talk to 'im, he jus'...he's tryna' take tha' blame for all a' this. He's jus' scared, 's all. I's sure if I told 'im you's real eager ta' see 'im, he'd give in," Jack spoke with something akin to fondness in his tone when he spoke about his friend, almost like he felt the same.

He did, Race knew he did. Jack just wouldn't let himself admit it, but he felt responsible. He tortured himself with that guilt just the same.

"Thanks," Race mumbled, a small smile creeping its way out in hopes of reassuring the other.

Jack nodded once more, bowing his head as he stood, carefully closing the door behind him.

As soon as Jack was gone, Race squeezed Spot's hand gently, watching as the boy began to stir. God, he really was nearly as bad as Jack. He instantly sat up on his knees, switching his position to be able to assess the other. The panic in his eyes was almost natural at that point as Spot quickly feared for the worst.

Race smiled weakly, reaching up as he cupped Spot's cheek in his palm. The latter chuckled awkwardly, still slightly uncomfortable by the affection.

"I's okay, Spotty. Ya' don't gotta' worry all tha' time, I ain't goin' nowhere," Race whispered, softening the other's expression. Spot covered Race's hand on his face, leading it over slightly as he quickly kissed the boy' palm.

"I ain't gonna' stop worryin'," he stated, Race nodding as he knew it was true. "But I'll try."

The other smiled, his baby blue eyes once again holding a sparkled the way they used to.

"Thank you," he mumbled, leaning over the edge of the bed as he bent his head forward onto Spot's shoulder. He tilted his chin just enough for his chapped lips to meet the other's tanned neck and he felt his pulse beating.

Spot ducked down, his fingers curling gently around the other's shirt collar as he found Race's lips and kissed him for real that time. It felt like it had been so long. So, so, long. The hand holding his shirt slid back up to hold the base of his neck and Race tossed an arm over Spot's shoulder. They couldn't stop smiling. It was like a trance had suddenly changed everything, even for just a moment.

For just a moment, Race didn't feel like he was breaking apart. He didn't feel like every touch on his body was a burn. For once since he had left, he felt like he could breathe right and his headache wasn't making him dizzy, this time it was just the giddiness in his heart that made him feel like he was floating.

"I love you," Race murmured breathlessly as they broke apart, leaning their foreheads together. "I nearly lost my head in tha' refuge  afta' ya' said that, Spotty. I...I thought I wouldn't eva' be able ta' say it back, but I love ya'. I love ya' so much."

Spot had tears in his eyes when he leaned back. His hands were shaking as he quickly reached for Race's.

"Wait, did I...did I do somethin'? Spot, baby, I's sorry, I didn't mean ta', I swear, I jus'-"

Spot kissed him again, holding the back of the boy's neck as Race's surprise slowly turned into pleasure and he relaxed, winding his arms around Spot's shoulders.

"Don't ya' dare apologize," Spot grumbled breathily, only pausing for a second before diving back in. "I love ya' too, you goddamn idiot."

Race chucked, freezing as he heard the door creak open. He pulled away, looking up towards the door as his face went beet red. Crutchie was standing in the doorway, a mix of relief and embarrassment on his equally-red face.

'H-hey Crutch," Race spoke up, his voice cracking and definitely not helping his embarrassment.

Crutchie smiled, shifting in place awkwardly as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"I, uh...I can go if ya' want," he suggested, an uncomfortable forced smile on his face.

"No! No, it's...it's okay, we's jus' sayin' goodbye, right Spotty?" Race nudged his boyfriend's shoulder as the latter only gave a small sigh of disappointment. Race glared a little, but Spot just stood, bending down to quickly kiss the other's forehead, and he reluctantly left. "Thanks for comin'. I, um...I didn't really know what ta' say. Still don't really."

Crutchie crossed the room, sitting down on the edge of the bed beside Race as he listened to his friend ramble.

"Oh, it's okay," Crutchie quickly assured him. "I didn't really...know what ta' say either, I guess."

They didn't speak for a moment. Crutchie couldn't speak as soon as he heard Race cough. He watched the boy clutch his hands to his chest as his throat rasped and Crutchie felt sick.

"I can't," he mumbled, leaning forward to bury his face in his hands. "I can't jus'...sit here."

As Crutchie stood, dragging himself over to the door, he looked back at Race and the heartbroken look on his face said it all.

"Char-"

"I fuckin' did this ta' you," he breathed, his hands gripping at his face and hair as tears pooled in the corners of his eyes. Race tried to stand up, immediately wobbling like a foal on his stick-thin legs. He hadn't tried to stand without help in ages. He should've known he'd be in a sheepish heap on the ground within a few seconds. Crutchie tossed his crutch to the side as he tried to catch the other, but, as he should definitely know after years of using his crutch, he too, found himself on the ground.

And then Race laughed. It was small and hoarse, but it was a laugh. Crutchie looked up from frantically trying to make sure the boy was okay and felt himself relax.

"Sorry," he mumbled, blushing a little as he brushed away the tears that had been spilling down his cheeks just moments ago.

Race smiled sheepishly, folding his legs underneath his body as he picked himself up off the floor. He opened his arms, gesturing for the younger boy to come closer as he pushed himself across the floor to hug the other tightly. Race winced at first at the tightening of his skin that stung his chest, but it soon began to fade into numbness and he let himself focus on making sure that his friend was okay.

"I's so sorry," Crutchie mumbled into Race's shoulder, the shakiness returning to his voice. Race forced out a weak chuckle as he curled his arm up around the boy, ruffling his hair a little. "I's so sorry, this is all my fault, I...I should'a been tha' one in there, not you's. We don't...we don't trade lives."

Race felt his heart fall through his chest as it shattered on the floor.

"W-we don't trade lives for each other," Crutchie shuddered, gripping onto the back of Race's shirt in tight fistfuls. "Y-ya' can't give ya'self up jus' for me, I don'-"

"Crutch, I ain't tradin' my life for anythin'," Race interrupted. His eyes were tried and puffy, but stern. Not a hint of anything but honesty. "I wasn't gonna' let ya' in there, I know it ain't a place you's eva' gonna' get out of, so's I figured I'd give it a shot. Ya' know me, I's too stubborn ta' let 'em keep me locked up for long. It's jus' a matter a' days b'fore I bust outta' this joint too."

Crutchie giggled a little, redness filling his cheeks. He let his smile stay that time as Race coughed again, this time a little harsher, but Crutchie tried not to worry as much. Race was still there. he was still the annoying asshole who wouldn't let anyone keep him cooped up for long and before Crutchie could even blink, he'd be back on the streets jogging over to Brooklyn like nothing ever happened. He knew it. At the time felt so real he could see it when he shut his eyes.

So he did it again.

That night, just before the sun went down, Crutchie looked up from his book. With more convincing than the boys would like to admit, Crutchie was able to get them to agree to let him keep watch that night. He was almost certain Spot was probably still sitting right outside the door and Jack was probably sitting in the common room right next door with his ear to the wall, but he didn't care. It had only been about half an hour since Crutchie came back, but he was so much more relaxed than when he first showed up. Race was just drifting in and out of sleep, coughing every one in a while, and then going back to bed.

He never could've seen it coming. It didn't matter how many times Davey told him it wasn't his fault, or that he couldn't have known something was up, but he couldn't stop thinking about all the things he missed.

It had been less than half an hour when Race started coughing and didn't stop. After a few coughs, he closed his book, rolling over onto his side.

"Race? You okay?" He tried not to let the increasing worry show in his voice, but he could tell it was plastered all over his face as soon as Race rolled over onto his back and looked up at the other. "Oh shit, okay, j-jus' hold on a second, I's gonna' go get Jack, jus' s-stay right 'ere." Crutchie rambled, scrambling to his feet as he collected his crutch and practically flew out the door.

Just outside the door, as they both suspected, was Spot. He dashed in right behind Crutchie as he slid to his knees, immediately looking everywhere but Race's face.

"H-hey baby," he whispered, trying to choke back the panic in his voice as his throat went dry. God, his heart was going to beat right out of his chest if he didn't find some way to fix this. "It's gonna' be okay, I promise. I won't let anythin' happen to ya', I swear. Not ever again."

Race smiled a little, mainly just for Spot's sake, but it was there. He couldn't deny that the way Spot took Race's hand and held it to his own chest to prove he was there made him feel just a little bit better. Race opened his mouth to speak, a dry, raspy sound coming out instead as Spot quickly reached over to run his thumb over the boy's lips.

"Shh, don't hurt ya'self, Tony. It ain't worth it, jus' save it for later," he teased at the end, a little watery smile covering up the little devilish, self-conscious voice in his head telling him there wasn't going to be a 'later'. He blocked it out. He had to.

So Race didn't speak, he just pulled his hand away from where it held Spot's against the latter's chest, bringing it to his lips and kissing it softly where their fingers wound together. As he lifted their hands away, he closed his eyes softly for just a moment, taking a couple slow breaths as if he had the wind knocked out of him. His shaky inhales were painful, it was written all over his face, but he still held it back and didn't let it show.

That made all the difference after Jack stumbled in the door, catching himself from falling on the doorframe. It was like slow motion as Jack's confused look shattered into horror. He clutched his mouth, leaning his head into the doorframe, a few seconds of hesitation, possibly disbelief, crossing his mind before he opened his eyes again and nothing had changed. Not a dream. No, not even a nightmare.

"J-Jack?" Race spoke up, looking over Spot's shoulder as the mentioned boy moved to kneel beside Spot.

"Yeah, kid. I's right here," he spoke, forcing his lips to curl up, but not even coming close to meeting his eyes. "I's right 'ere, jus' like I's been every step a' the way. I ain't goin' nowhere, kid."

Race managed a small smile before coughing again, this time too fast to grab a scrap of the old rags and simply coughing into his hands instead. Nothing could ever prepare the boys in that room for the look on Race's face when he pulled away his hand and blood came dripping through his fingers and dribbling down his chin. He looked dizzy, like the thought of seeing something so horrific had finally sunk it, but Spot quickly climbed around on top of the bed, seating himself right beside Race as he sat up against the wall.

"C'mon Tony, ya' gotta' sit up, jus' come 'ere n' sit wit' me," he murmured, sliding his hands under Race's shoulders and pulling him back from behind, holding him tight against his chest. Spot wasn't sure if Race could feel his heartbeat pounding against his back, but it was there, searing and throbbing and absolutely fucking terrified. "That's it, you's okay, I got ya'."

Race winced a little as he finally reached a comfortable position, but he knew he would rather be curled up with Spot than alone in that claustrophobic little room drowning in his own blood.

"J-J-Jack?" He croaked, the aforementioned boy taking one of his hands as soon as he spoke.

"Right 'ere, kid," Jack sighed, trying to keep the fear out of his voice to the best of his ability.

"I don't wanna g-go," he cried, his eyes wide and full of tears as Jack froze under his gaze. "I...I's scared, Jack."

Spot's arms tightened around his boyfriend as he leaned forward, kissing the crook of the boy's neck. There was a small spot on Race's shirt where the other's tears had fallen.

Jack couldn't move. His mind was spinning in circles and everything hurt. He couldn't. He couldn't just...die.

He had promised. Jack made a promise when he took over Manhattan that he would protect those kids and now...now he had no idea what to do anymore. He wasn't sure if he was still crying, he couldn't feel anything, just the dizziness in his head and the knife that felt like it was twisting right into his heart.

Spot whispered something into Race's ear that only seemed to make things worse. Jack would've been the first to go after him, but for once, he couldn't bring himself to move.

"Everythin's gonna' be fine," Spot rambled, almost as if he was trying to convince himself, rather than Race. "I ain't gonna' let anythin' happen to ya', don't ya' know that? I ain't gonna' let you go, ya' should know by now, I ain't good at giving up, Tony."

Race smiled weakly, a slight tilt of his head giving him space to bury his face into Spot's neck, rolling onto his side and giving Jack a full view of the thing that was causing this whole mess. Right there, in the middle of Race's chest, was a spot of blood seeping through the front of his shirt and dripping slowly down through the holes in the fabric. Jack felt sick.

"I-I-I's so s-sorry," he shuddered, surprising himself that he was actually able to form words. Race looked up, his tired blue eyes meeting Jack's teary brown ones and not moving even for a second.

Race didn't move, instead, he just reached out a hand and grabbing onto Jack's. He was shaking so much Jack wasn't sure he was even consciously moving, but the second he could, he held tighter than he thought possible.

"J-Jackie, I ain't m-mad at ya'," Race whispered, Jack shaking his head, his hand covering his mouth as he tried to get himself to breathe easier. "I-I ain't mad at all, jus'...jus' d-don't leave m-me."

Jack shook his head again, firmer this time as he sniffled, ducking his head as he lifted their conjoined hands to his forehead. "I can't lose ya', kid. I ain't goin' anywhere, but you gotta' promise me ya' won't go neither."

Race laughed, a tiny, raspy, heartbroken laugh, and Jack blocked out every other sound. "Jack, ya' know I c-can't do that."

The latter sniffled, nodding slowly as he took shaky breaths.

"Y-yeah...," he sighed, his voice cracking as he forced out a smile without an ounce of believability.

They could've sat like that for hours with Spot holding Race tightly as he whispered quiet sweet-nothings in his ear and Jack sat beside the bed holding onto his hand and refusing to let himself think about anything else. It was almost so perfect. It was almost as if nothing earth-shatteringly awful was happening, but then he heard the screaming.

"Jack! Jack Kelly I know you's in there, c'mon! Let me in! Kelly, I swear ta' god, let me see Race! I's done waitin', let me in for fuck's sake!"

Race would recognize that voice anywhere.

"A-Albert?" His soft whisper was almost inaudible, but it was enough to raise Jack to the door and get him to open up.

And, speak of the devil, there he was. Albert stood at the door, Skip standing beside him leading him over. She was frustrated, it was written all over her face, but she didn't falter when Jack opened the door looking like someone who'd already been to hell and back.

"I ain't allowed in, I's sure," Skip sighed, almost as if she just wanted to say it to call Jack out. He glanced over his shoulder, but shook his head as he turned back to her. "Sorry, kiddo. I jus'...I don't want ya' ta' see this," he sighed, his voice heavier as Skip nodded, hugging him quickly before turning away.

"Tell 'im I miss 'im," she mumbled before turning away without another word. Jack looked up, his eyes meeting Alberts as the red-haired boy who always seemed to be sporting the palest skin of the group somehow seemed to have gone even paler. His face looked like he'd seen a ghost and Jack ran a hand through his hair, preparing himself before he opened the door for the boy, knowing that even if he didn't like what he saw, Albert didn't care.

"Be careful. I...I know I don't gotta' tell ya' not ta' say anythin' too scary, but he's terrified, Al. Jus' be there for 'im," Jack spoke, the other sniffling as he stepped inside.

"Oh god...," Albert whispered, Jack turning around as he shut the door behind them and Albert shakily stumbled into the place Jack had just been sitting. "Oh god, oh god, oh my fucking god, Race."

"Al-"

"No!" He snapped, sinking to his knees beside his best friend, taking his hand just like Jack had just been doing. "N-no...ya' don't get ta' tell me how ta' do this, Jack. Not this time. I's done listening ta' you's, not when this is what comes from it."

Race looked between Jack and Albert, shrinking away from both as he moved to sit closer to Spot. He couldn't bring himself to deal with his friends fighting, especially not over him.

"Allie, c'mon, it...it ain't w-worth it," he mumbled, but Albert wasn't having it.

"No, ya' know what? No, I's done 'ere. I paid for a week 'ere n' as soon as tha' weeks done, I's out. I got a fam'ly I could stay wit', n' I's been stayin' 'ere for so long 'cause I thought I had a fam'ly 'ere too, but from everythin' I know, a fam'ly wouldn't stand for one a' they's own stuck on his fucking death bed 'cause you thought we needed a few extra pennies," Albert cried, tears spilling down his cheeks as he glared at Jack, the latter slowly backing away as he looked back and forth between Albert and Race. "I don't care what ya' think ya' could or couldn't do ta' stop it. You's still tha' one that got us all inta' this mess, n' you's always gonna' be tha' one responsible!"

The silence that followed Albert's outburst was nearly deafening.

Jack stood there frozen for ages before he simply nodded, ducked his head, and turned towards the door.

"Jack," Race spoke up, his voice breaking as the former turned back around, looking at Race, now shifting away from both Spot and Albert. "Jack, y-you promised."

He froze, his hand shaking right above the doorknob. He promised. God, he had never wanted to keep a promise less in his life, but...he would do it if it was what Race wanted.

"Jackie, ya' s-said ya' w-w-wouldn't leave m-me," he rasped, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he finished, a smeared line of blood now brushed from his lip and down to his chin. Jack felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. He turned, not meeting Albert's eyes as he slid down on the end of the bed, facing the three others.

"I ain't goin' nowhere, kid. B'sides, you's ain't allowed no go nowhere either," he supplied, smirking half-heartedly.

Race didn't respond, he simply dove back into Spot's shoulder, his shoulders shaking heavily as he coughed, the other running his hands up and down the boy's back. Race pulled away, tears pouring down his cheeks so quickly they mixed with the blood running from his lips. He frantically tried to rub as much of it off as he could, the red stains now covering the front of his shirt and his hands, not to mention the boy behind him.

"S-s-stop," he whispered, his voice wavering as if he was dizzy, still not looking up at anything.

"Race-"

"A-Albie, ya' g-g-gotta' g-get outta' 'ere," he slurred, looking up as he met the boy's eyes. Albert had angry tears brewing in his eyes as the horror took over his expression. "P-please."

"Wait, what? Race, what tha' hell? I can't jus' leave ya' here!" He grabbed for one of Race's hands, but the latter pulled away, grabbing at Jack instead. He took a deep breath, wiping the corner of his mouth once more before he spoke.

"Al, y-you's my b-b-best friend. Ya' know t-that, b-b-but I c-can't have ya' b-b-blamin' Jack. He...h-he's tha' only one that's b-b-b-been wit' me t-through this whole m-m-mess. I c-can't do this w-without 'im," he cried softly, his voice barely audible and so raspy it sounded painful just to listen to. "Albie, ya' g-gotta' let us d-d-do this. I love ya' s-so much, b-b-but I c-can't h-have ya' in 'ere."

The mere seconds between that last word and the moment Albert moved to stand up could've been hours if you asked any of the boys. But he stood anyway, leaning over as he wrapped an arm around his shoulders, gripping the boy so tightly the others were afraid he might break, but Race did the same and they stayed like that for a moment before they finally began to move.

"I really do love' ya, brother," Albert spoke sadly, the tears in his eyes now beginning to slowly fall. "I-I's so sorry."

"I k-know ya' d-do," Race smiled, his eyes genuinely crinkling at the corners. "D-don't touch any a' my f-fuckin' cigars, a-asshole."

And Albert finally smiled as he stood, walking right up to the door before he stopped, balanced on the balls of his feet and he turned his head over his shoulder, a watery smile on his face.

"No promises," he whispered, both of their smiles fading the moment he stepped out the door.

So Race leaned back against Spot, wheezing a little like he was out of breath.

"Kelly," Spot started, absentmindedly weaving his fingers through Race's hair as he caught Jack's attention. "Get 'im some water or somethin'."

Yeah, Jack could see it in his eyes that Spot wanted a couple minutes alone, and yeah, he could hear it in his voice that as soon as Jack left the room he would break, but he stood anyway and nodded, not saying a word as he left. He took one look back at Race to make sure he was alright with the boy stepping out for a second, but he was way too distracted by Spot and frankly, getting his attention was a situation he definitely didn't want to be in.

"Tony?" Spot's voice was shy and soft as his breath nipped the back of Race's neck. He turned his head, looking up at the boy with his arms around him. A small smile appeared as their eyes finally met. "You doin' okay right now?"

Race shrugged, curling himself up a little as he looked away, resting his head under Spot's chin.

"C'mon, T, ya' gotta' help me out 'ere. I ain't goin' anywhere, I's here ta' help ya'. I gotta' know what's wrong so's I can fix it, okay baby?" He was so soft, so gentle, it was no wonder he wanted Jack to leave first. "Please, Tony. There's gotta' be somethin' I can do ta' fix this."

Race just tightened his arms around Spot's middle, shaking his head against the other's chest.

"Race, baby, I...I ain't jus' gonna' give up on this, you...you know I can't do that," he spoke, his voice wavering like it was seconds away from breaking.

"J-jus' hold m-m-me...please," Race mumbled, not really sure if it was even loud enough for Spot to hear, but it seemed to work because Spot just pulled him closer and ran his fingers through his hair, just like he always did whenever they were lucky enough to be alone. The silence was nice. It seemed like they were constantly slipping in and out of silence in that room, but it was nice. It was comforting the way they never needed to say anything, they were just perfectly happy laying there together.

That is, until things really took a turn for the worst.

Race coughed. Just once, nothing they hadn't all seen before, but then it happened again. And again. And again, and again, and again until he couldn't stop and there was blood all over his hands and dripping from his lips and he was crying and screaming with pain until Jack came running back. That moment as Jack ran in the door and Spot looked up at him with his boyfriend screaming in his arms, they knew

They were in the endgame now.

Everything was moving in slow motion. Spot's hands gently running up and down Race's back as he coughed, Jack's footsteps as he moved to crouch back down beside the bed, even Race's own tears seemed to be falling slowly as they all carefully made sure not to scare the boy further.

"H-hey, kid," Jack spoke, placing a hand on Race's knee. He was going to put on a brave face. He was going to put on a brave face and make sure that kid knew he wasn't alone and he was going to do it no matter what was about to happen. He owed the kid that much, at least. "You...you feelin' okay right now? Ya' know, like...ya' pillows n' shit?"

Race chuckled and both of the other boys had to admit it was nice. Just seeing another genuine smile was really, really nice. He nodded and Spot slowly kissed the side of his head, where his forehead met his hair and Race leaned back against him.

"Good ta' know I's makin' a good pillow, T," Spot said, pretending nothing happened when his voice broke as Race interrupted his sentence to cough his lungs out again into the crook of his elbow. He leaned back as he finished, his face plastered with pure exhaustion. No one should look like that after just coughing. His eyelids were drooping and his cheeks were so flushed it reminded Spot of the first moment after Race kissed him for the first time and-

No. Nope, he wouldn't ruin the best day of his life by thinking about it during the worst. No way.

"Jack?" Race asked, making Jack's heart jump into his throat for about the fiftieth time that day. "A-am...am I gonna' d-d-die?"

And there it was. The painful truth none of them had let themselves accept until that very moment. He said it. He said exactly what they were all thinking and that made it real because if Race felt it too...then they weren't just worried for nothing. So Jack ruffled his hair and pulled him in tight against his chest. Just in case he didn't get to do it again. Just in case.

"Don't worry 'bout anythin', kid," he spoke softly, nodding to Spot who had finally, after that entire ordeal, let his tears fall. Jack knew he had been avoiding the exact same thought. "That 'aint anythin' you's gotta' worry 'bout, I promise. Me n' Spotty, we's gonna' worry 'bout that, you-...you jus' try ta' relax, yeah? Think ya' can do that, Racer?"

A shrug and a small nod between wheezes and coughs was enough of an answer to Jack and it wasn't like they would get more even if they wanted it. Race laid almost fully on Spot, resting his head against the boy's chest with an arm wrapped around his middle and the other gripping the front of Spot's shirt tightly. They could both tell he was in pain just from the way he was laying. He didn't want to say anything, Race literally never did, but this was apparently no different. Always one for pride, Race would swallow his own and wouldn't let a soul know he was anything but perfectly fine. There was no reason to hide it anymore, but old habits die hard and that was definitely a very old habit.

"H-hey, S-S-Sean?" He stammered as he spoke, not even lifting his head from off the boy's chest.

"Hmm?"

"I's s-so t-t-tired," he whined, a hint of a yawn sneaking into the end of his words.

Fuck.

Spot looked at Jack and Jack looked at Spot and they both knew exactly what the other was thinking and hell no. Nope. No. No way.

"Y-yeah?" God, he tried so hard to stop the tears from falling as he started to rock back and forth just a little, keeping his love securely wrapped in his arms. "W-well, I think ya' can h-hold on a little longer for me, Tony. B'esides, it-it ain't even m-midnight yet."

Race nodded, rubbing his eyes and keeping them open a little longer.

"R-right," he breathed, not looking at either of the boys as if he was simply thinking out loud. "I get t-ta' see Sean at m-m-midnight, d-did ya' know t-that, Jackie?"

Shit. Okay, delusions kicking in was definitely not a good sign.

"O-oh, yeah? That's funny, because I think he got 'ere a little early, ain't that right, Spotty?"

Spot bent his head in, kissing the boy's cheek as Race beamed.

"Y-you...you're 'ere already!" He grinned as far as he could, his eyes lighting up and his trembling hands reaching up to cup Spot's face. "I m-missed ya'."

Spot took one of Race's hands and dragged it over to his lips, kissing the inside of the boy's palm. Jack honestly felt like he was intruding a little, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. Not now, not ever again.

"I missed ya' too, baby," he mumbled against Race's hand, dipping his head and letting himself be held for once. "B-but it's okay, I's here now, yeah? We's got plenty a' time now."

But Race shook his head. "I...I-I's still so t-t-tired."

Jack lifted himself off his knees to sit on the edge of the bed, accepting as Race reached for one of Jack's hands. He ran his thumb over the now fading bruises that remained on the boy's knuckles from their stay in the refuge. God, it seemed like so long ago now. He honestly thought things couldn't get any worse after that.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

"Jackie, you's a g-good big b-brother," he spoke, smiling as Jack quickly brushed away a few tears that fell. Maybe Jack smiled back because he didn't believe it, or maybe he smiled back because just seeing Race's undeniably contagious smile was rubbing off on him, or maybe he smiled because deep, deep down under layers and layers of self-doubt and constantly questioning if he did enough for his kids, he knew they all turned out alright. Some of them, so much more than just 'alright'.

"Thanks, kid," he sighed, reaching up to ruffle Race's hair just a little. "You's a pretty good little brother too."

And that seemed to do it. Pleased with his affirmation, he turned his head back up to Spot and laid as comfortably as he could in his arms.

"H-hey Sean?" He asked, the tiniest flush of color rising to his pale cheeks. "C-can...can I have a k-kiss g-g-goodnight?"

Spot nodded, biting his lip and shutting his eyes tight as Jack watched tears roll off his cheeks. He looked back down as Race's shaking hands reached up to gently brush away his tears.

" 'Course," he whispered, taking Race's face in his own hands. Even through it all, his eyes were still that beautiful baby blue that made Spot fall in love from the moment he first saw them. He couldn't even imagine what he would do if he never saw them again. His boy and his beautiful, beautiful face. His smile and how it spread across his face when he laughed, creating dimples in his cheeks and crinkles in the corners of his eyes, and...before he could make himself think of all the things he wanted to see right then more than anything, he just kissed him and prayed it would never end.

"Love you," Race mumbled as they slowly pulled away, a small yawn following as he kept his eyes shut for just a few extra seconds before he opened them again.

"I love ya' too, sweetheart," he spoke against the boy's lips, pecking them once again as he slipped a hand into Race's hair, wrapping his fingers around the boy's curls. "So, so much."

"Good...g-good, that's...that's r-real nice Spotty," he rambled, sinking into the boy's embrace. "I...I's gonna' take a n-nap, 's that o-okay?"

Silence. Purely terrifying silence. The kind that feels like if someone breaks it, the whole world will shatter into millions of pieces. The kind that, once it starts, it feels like it's never going to end. Even if you don't want it to. And Spot and Jack? God, they never wanted it to end.

"Y-yeah baby, if you's sure," Spot spoke, his voice shaking with every word.

"Y-yeah, I...I's sure," he yawned, curling around Spot. "A-actually, no."

Jack chuckled, a watery sniffle to follow it and he wrapped both his hands around one of Race's own. "Take ya' time, kid."

"N-no, I, uh, I w-wanna say s-somethin'," he mumbled. "J-Jack, I...I wanna t-tell ya' s-somethin'."

"Go for it, Racer."

"J-Jackie, don't b-beat ya'self up, p-p-please," he sighed. One look up at the other and Jack Kelly would never forget the look on his face. "I k-know you's g-g-gonna' feel like...like it's ya' f-fault, but I...I d-don't care 'bout w-who s-started tha' strike, I j-jus' hope ya' let ya'self g-g-get over this."

Jack shrugged, leaning his head against the wrapped bundle of their hands.

"P-please?"

"Sure thing, Tones," Jack smirked, the smile not even coming close to meeting his eyes.

"Heh," Race chuckled. "Y-ya' 'aint ever c-called me that b-b'fore."

"Ya' like it?" Race smiled and Jack took that as a little victory.

"Y-yeah...yeah t-tha's...," he trailed off, rubbing his eyes with his free hand before wrapping it around spot's shoulders and burying his face in his neck. "Hey, S-Spotty, t-thanks for n-not soakin' m-m-me the first t-time I k-k-kissed ya'."

Even Jack could laugh a little at that.

"Me too, babe," he smiled. "H-hey, how's about ya' relax a little, yeah? I know how much ya' love ta' talk, but I don't want ya' hurtin' ya'self, Tony."

Race shrugged, coughing a few times into his palms before he swung his legs off the edge of the bed, grabbing Jack's shoulders for stability as the other two freaked out.

"Race? Race, kid, c'mon ya' gotta' stop, jus' sit back down n' we's gonna' relax jus' like Conlon was sayin'," Jack spoke, quickly opposing the boy's force and trying to law him back down.

"I-I's fine, jus'...jus' let m-me...," Race trailed off, his grip faltering on Jack's shoulders as he let his chin fall against his chest and he hung his head in exhaustion, wheezing breaths filling the stressful silence. Jack let go with one hand, letting Spot catch Race from behind as he reached for the boy's face to lift his gaze.

Race shrugged himself away from the boys' efforts, sinking his head into his hands as he groaned meekly, a pained whine slipping from his lips as his breaths became labored.

"Kid, c'mon ya' gotta' sit up, it ain't good for ya', Racer," Jack mumbled, replacing his arm around Race's shoulders and quickly maneuvering him back to lay as flat as he could against Spot's chest.

Race's incoherent mumbling continued, making his slow, disoriented blinking slightly more worrying. He just looked dizzy.

"J-Jack?" He slurred, not meeting the former's gaze as his eyes fluttered sluggishly. "Jack, Jack, J-Jack, Jack."

The almost rhythmical chanting of the boy's dazed rambles shouldn't have meant anything to Jack, but he couldn't help but feel the sick stiffing in his gut that kept pleading for him to do something, to help him, to make it stop.

"Ya' gotta' focus for me, Ant. I can't make it stop if ya' don't try ta' work with me 'ere," Jack spoke, reaching for a glass of water beside the bed. Race shook his head when he saw it. He placed a hand on his own chest, his breathing dry and painful and confusing Jack for a moment before... "No. No, c'mon, kid, I ain't givin' up, ya' can't give up on me, I cant-"

He cried, finally letting the tears that had been brewing in his eyes burst as one sob made him grab for Race's hand.

"Tony, listen ta' me," Spot whispered softly from behind him. He kissed the underside of Race's jaw gently before continuing. "I know it hurts. I know it's so hard, n' I would take it myself in a heartbeat if I could, but ya' gotta' hold on. I can't lose you, T."

Race inhaled sharply, a small stream of blood trickling out from the corner of his mouth. He looked exhausted. Spot wasn't even sure if he'd understood what he was saying, but he needed to say it.

"I-I...I c-can't, Sean," he rasped, so quietly Jack didn't even hear more than breath, but Spot sure seemed to know what he said. He kissed Race on the forehead, rubbing circles on the boy's hollow cheeks as he started to slowly rock back and forth.

"Please," his voice cracked, his pleas falling silent as Race ignored his words and simply laid back against him.

Jack had a million things circling through his head that he wanted more than anything to be able to say. Besides, how do you even begin to pick your last words to someone when there's so much left unsaid? His head was throbbing and his ears were ringing and he couldn't tell if he was even speaking or not, but he needed that boy to know. He needed him to know everything.

And then it ended. Pleas fell on deaf ears and hands reached for limp ones and racing heartbeats met halted ones. His eyes were closed softly and it hit Jack like a ton of bricks as he stared at the boy laid in his friend's arms. They wouldn't open again. His lips were parted so slightly that one look at them felt wrong. Those lips always had a cigar between them and on the off chance that they didn't, they were spouting insults and jokes left and right but...not anymore. He couldn't look at Spot, he didn't want to see his face. He could see the tears falling off his cheeks and onto Race's but, he couldn't look at his face. If he looked at Spot's face, he'd see his own in it. Race didn't know. God, he had so many things left to say and now he lost his chance. 

How Jack had gone almost three years of leading Manhattan without anything like this. He had somehow found a way to keep his entire family of brothers and sisters safe for nearly three years to the point where he almost felt untouchable. It got to the point where he didn't even worry. He dove right into the strike without thinking twice about what could come out of it. It just didn't seem like an option. Never once in the strike did he think of the refuge, or his kids getting hurt, and not once did he think something like...this would ever happen. All throughout their time at the refuge, Jack wouldn't let himself believe anything could get any worse. When the strike rally took a turn for the worse, he thought that was as bad as it could get. When he watched the bulls go after Crutchie, he didn't think it could get any worse. When he immediately got caught up in his own fight, barely holding his own against Snyder's goons, he still thought that was as bad as things could get. Alone in the refuge? Nope, it got worse the moment Race got tossed in there with him. With every passing day in that absolute hell-hole, he told himself that that was the worst of it. It couldn't get worse than that. But it always did. It got worse every single day without fail.

Now here they were.

And Spot.

All those years ago when he ran away from his family after his father died, he didn't even think he had a future. He just wanted to get out. To get away from his mother and away from his house full of memories of his dad, and he never expected for some kid just a few years older than him to ask him if he needed a place to stay and actually give him a home and a job. He thought he was untouchable simply because no one dared to get close enough to him to do it. Until Race. Antonio "Racetrack" Higgins was an asshole with a quick wit, luck too precise for his own good, and probably the most addicting smile Spot had ever seen. One joking insult Spot had tossed his way on Race's first day selling at the Sheepshead and the smile that followed meant Spot was doomed. He never had a chance. In all honesty, he never had a chance against Race. From the moment Jack Kelly brought him over to Brooklyn and around the rest of the city to formally arrange his second-in-command, making sure they all knew who to go to if anything were to happen to Jack.

They never once planned what they would do if something happened to Race.

Spot took one look at him as he shook that boy's hand and he decided somewhere deep within his fortress of walls that he didn't want to let go. He decided that day and no matter how hard he tried, it never seemed to go away. He was glad it didn't. God, he wouldn't give that up for all the time in the world. It was selfish, he knew it, but he would rather have a short time than no time if it meant they could be together. He didn't even know what he would do now. He couldn't just go back to Brooklyn like nothing ever happened. For the rest of his life, he'd be carrying that on his shoulders, no matter what. But he had a job to do.

How were they all even supposed to do that now? Jack had to go out there and tell all of them their brother was gone, Spot had to go back to Brooklyn and pretend "that kid from Manhattan" wasn't the love of his life that he held in his arms as he died.

Manhattan would have to go out there and clean up the mess of the strike like it wasn't the worst decision they had ever made. Jack would have to go out that door and tell Skip that the lodging house wasn't always like this. That she just lost another brother and it hadn't even been a month since they'd come home.

Jack had to tell Crutchie the boy who saved his life had just lost his own.

Jack had to tell Davey their little 'crusade' had its first casualty.

Jack had to tell Albert his best friend was gone and there was nothing left to do.

Jack had to tell the whole house that...by the terms of the city's newsies they had to replace him already.

Jack had to tell them all that their friend was dead and it was his fault and he was terrified and in pain and Jack didn't do anything to stop it and he lost a kid oh my god he lost a kid.

Manhattan was crumbling to the ground from inside one tiny room. And no one knew but the remaining two of a trio that once ruled the whole world, whether the world knew it or not. They were kings in a world full of helpless subjects, terrified of the ones who did not hesitate to show their power. There was no hesitation when it came to homeless kids trying to keep themselves and their families alive when they got in the way of someone more important. Someone who doesn't know what it's like to find your own family. To pick up your sisters and brothers off the ground all tell them you'll make it through together. To find someone who's willing to put their own life before yours without a moment of hesitation. When someone knows there's no reason to do something for you, but they do it anyway because you're family and family doesn't care about the consequences of sacrifices.

When hesitation was gone, that was how they found their family. When Jack and Davey didn't hesitate to go on strike on the off chance that their families might not starve to death. When the kids didn't hesitate to jump into the fight the moment the bulls laid a hand on one of their own. When Race didn't hesitate for a second to step in and take Crutchie's place in the refuge because even though he knew he might not have much time, however little he had, Crutchie had less and that was always a sacrifice he was willing to make.

They didn't know what to do. How could they? It wasn't like they wanted to think about it and they definitely didn't have a plan, but they had to do something. They couldn't sit around because the longer they just sat around, the longer Jack let the guilt eat him alive, and the longer Spot cursed himself for not joining the strike before it was too late.

They were safe to pretend it was all a dream in that little room. As long as they didn't look and kept their heads in their hands and let their own sobs drown out any sounds around them, then they were fine. The moment they stepped out that door, they were not.

When they stepped out that door, it was hell. They were out, they were vulnerable, and it was real. They couldn't make it real. Jack knew exactly what his boys would say the moment he stepped out that door because they would see exactly what had happened written all over his face and they wouldn't be able to hide it for a second.

Or maybe they wouldn't. Maybe they'd be just as broken as the two and maybe they would understand. Maybe they would hug him and tell him it was okay when they all knew it wasn't and they wouldn't let that guilt tear him up from the inside out.

Because their family grew together, slowly but surely, and when they broke, they all broke together.

[shutupandblog]

cute tags

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? // more milk! 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? // YES OMG YES. 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? // forks, notes, socks....anything I find in that moment... 4: how do you take your coffee/tea? // tea: just with water. coffee: flavoured creamer.... 5: are you self-conscious of your smile? // YEAH. 6: do you keep plants? // my mom forces her plants onto me so I have unexpected children to take care of. 7: do you name your plants? // no, I'll feel bad if I forget their names. 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? // songwriting 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? // sing out loud, man. but yeah. 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? // fall asleep on back easiest but wake up on my side. 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? // innovation at its finest, man. 12: what's your favorite planet? // saturn 13: what's something that made you smile today? // finding some of my old songs and realizing that they're not ALL lost. I was a genius in 2014 and backed it up on usb wow 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? // open concept omf hit me with the natural light and big windows. no walls. big kitchen. no curtains. piano. hardwood. pictures in frames. 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! // "The Apollo astronauts' footprints on the moon will probably stay there for at least 100 million years." Source: https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&ved=0ahUKEwji75-ZwYXXAhWqxFQKHSroDssQFggxMAI&url=http%3A%2F%2Fmashable.com%2F2014%2F03%2F05%2Fsun-stars-space-facts%2F&usg=AOvVaw2BqM1yEL36GBccqMtEtOWs) 16: what's your favorite pasta dish? // i don't normally eat pasta so every time i see pasta i'll take anything. 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? // grey and lavender. 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. // 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? // i keep a lyric dump journal! 20: what's your favorite eye color? // GREEN 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. // my navy backpack was with my throughout high school and ib and i'm still using it in uni, so it's been to hell twice. 22: are you a morning person? // hell no 23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? // listen to all my cd's and find new artists...song write...listen to more music... 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? // yes 25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? // lol none 26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? // threw them out yo 27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? // banana  28: sunrise or sunset? // sunrise 29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? // my one friend has a habit of crossing her legs and tapping her foot that’s in the air when she listens / hums music and it’s sO CUTE. 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? // yeah. my mom went through a rough time and I hated being awake. 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. // in general: no socks. Weird socks are cool. I usually take off my socks as soon as I walk in through the front door. If I wear songs, they’re ankle length. Can’t do anything higher than that. I hate tights, I don’t do tights. 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. // i literally think we woke up at 4 to watch MAMA 2015 together. 33: what's your fave pastry? // i have no idea....bread pudding served on pie crust and ice cream? 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? // it’s gone. but it was called bonsai and it was a giant ass panda and i miss it. I had to get rid of it because we were moving and its head got ripped off. Or, ripped in half should I say. 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? // I love them but I never indulge in it!!! alkjngakjdfd 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? // my mood right now? omg bts - wings. 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?  // messy. 38: tell us about your pet peeves! // wet bathroom floors, getting my socks wet, sweaty in the winter, when people touch my things and don’t put them back where they are supposed to be so i can’t find it ugh, touching people’s food while doing dishes (SCRAPE YOUR PLATE @ SIBLINGS), people stepping on my shoes, looming too close to me while talking....etc.... 39: what color do you wear the most? // grey, black, pink. 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? // all my jewelry is meaningless bc I bought it all myself. Ahh- I have this one pearl necklace that my grandpa and dad bought for me in china and I haven’t worn it once. 41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? // gallagher girls series 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! // i’m not a coffee person 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? // myself a few mornings ago when I was going to my lab and waiting at the bus stop. 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? // when i was in hawaii doing the longest hike of my life and finally reaching the “end” of the island and you could see no city. Just sea lions, turtles and water. Dark stones. Wind. It was just myself and it was quiet and it was so beautiful. I have so many videos. 45: do you trust your instincts a lot? // fuck that shit, I got so many q’s wrong on tests because of it. 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. // gravity sucks. 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? // onions omf 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? // the dark. and yeah. 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? // I LOVE CDs. Last record I bought: paramore- after laughter (i think). 50: what's an odd thing you collect? // cineplex tickets and guitar picks. 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? // my friend S- I associate her with the song “Tokyo Jellybean” by Ingrid St-Pierre. She’s one of my favourite artists. I have never told her this. 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? lol cracking a cold one with the boys bc my psych always opens a pop can in the middle of this lecture (ALL THE TIME) and i just get reminded. 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? only heathers bc my friend showed it to me and I really liked it! 54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? // my friend Y. 55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? // raised my voice? 56: what are some things you find endearing in people? // being completely absorbed in their work, drinking coffee and looking out the bus window, falling asleep in random places. 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? // uhh i just use this song to check if my right headphone is working lol 58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? // wine mom is T and vodka aunt is Y. I mean, if you meet them you’ll know. 59: what's your favorite myth? // im uneducated 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? // i like poetry- short poetry. 61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? // I gave cough drops / i received paperclip holders 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? // i’m a morning water person 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? // YEAH I AM. Bookshelf man. 64: what color is the sky where you are right now? // black 65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? // no bc if I haven’t seen you in a long time, I’ve probably dropped you. 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? // baby’s breath, blue bells, daisy. 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? // I LIVE FOR THOSE DAYS 68: what's winter like where you live? // either snowy heaven or mushy hell 69: what are your favorite board games? // i’m basic, so monopoly. 70: have you ever used a ouija board? / no 71: what's your favorite kind of tea? // oolong or vanilla something.... 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? // yeah i really need to 73: what are some of your worst habits? // drop my clothes all over the bedroom floor and leave them there.  74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. // a breath of fresh air 75: tell us about your pets! // i had a goldfish once but on the car ride home to my house it died. 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? // STUDYING WTF AM I DOING ANSWERING A 100 QUESTION TAG 77: pink or yellow lemonade? // PINK 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? // i’m a spectator  79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? // painted me fake polaroids and stuck them in a colouring book omg 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? // tan. it’s the colour of my entire house.  81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. // didn’t pass engl man i can’t do this 82: are/were you good in school? // i WAS 83: what's some of your favorite album art? // rise against, fob, volbeat, ingrid st pierre, ts, bts. 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? // i’ve always wanted a roman numeral tattoo but i don’t do commitment. 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? // i only read peanuts and archie as a kid 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? // i only listen to pink floyd ..the wall. 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? // not a movie person. can’t comment. 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? // idk.... 89: are you close to your parents? // sure 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. // tokyo omg god save me 91: where do you plan on traveling this year? // the farthest i’ll get is my bed 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? // barely sprinkles a pinch 93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? // up 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? // my auntie 95: what are your plans for this weekend? // this weekend is over and so is my academic career 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? // procrastinate 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? // 1. don’t know, 2. scorpio, 3. ravenclaw 98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? // real hike: this summer in hawaii, fake hike: w my friends downtown. I loved both times the same. 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. // Exo- what if/my answer, Taylor- all too well/never grow up, Shawn: running low, Alessia: my song, Bts: sea, Pierre Luc lessard: sans combat 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? // 5 years in the future. The past 5 years have been hard.

I tag: @kabul1998, @iamnotmadamebovary

[ladyoftherose]

Rules: Answer these 92 statements

Tagged by @vorrible THE LAST: 1. Drink: Sunkist 2. Phone call: my mom lol 3. Text message: “Thanks for the new cutlery sucker" 4. Weak by AJR 5. Time you cried: I cried a couple weeks ago when I was consistently sick and in pain but that's about it HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: Haven't dated anyone once either so 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I kissed a dude in 1st grade on the head a few times and boy do I regret it 8. Been cheated on: Nope, haven't had anyone to cheat on me tho 9. Lost someone special: Ive lost a few relatives to cancer but no one extremely close 10. Been depressed: i don't know if I'd call it depression but I went through some shit 7th-10th grade? 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I don't drink lol LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Green, Blue and Red IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Yup 16. Fallen out of love: Kinda? 17. Laughed until you cried: I do all the time 18. Found out someone was talking about you: I have a hunch on a few people but tbh I'm used to it. 19. Met someone who changed you: Not particularly, I've reconnected with some old friends though. 20. Found out who your friends are: I already kinda knew but I suppose so. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: hahahaha no they are all relatives basically. GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: 20/22 23. Do you have any pets: Hell yeah, I have a dog, guinea pig, betta fish and by extension my siblings have an iguana, turtle and hamster (and a slug apparently) 24. Do you want to change your name: I don't really like my name but I wouldn't get rid of it. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: It was on a Monday so I had to go to school but I got to pick what I wanted for dinner and i got a new iPhone so it worked out quite nicely. 26. What time did you wake up: I wake up multiple times before I actually get up, so like 12? My sleeping schedule is fucked lol 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Playing skyblock with a friend and listening to music on my phone. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Being able to drive, having an income??? more free time, finding a boyfriend etc. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: few minutes ago because she's running around vacuuming. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish I was more motivated to do shit and that I could draw better. 31. What are you listening right now: nothing atm 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: All the time with my best boi and friend @saddildosinc 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Passive aggressive people, figuring shit out for registering for college classes, actually practicing parking and getting my license done so my mom stops lowkey calling me lazy. 34. Most visited Website: Tumblr and YouTube lol LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: I don't think I have any?? 36. Mark/s: I got some birthmarks on my hand and by my eye so that's cool. 37. Childhood dream: Wanted to be a vet but got talked out of it. If you mean dreams in general, i don't remember because I tend to have nightmares that make no sense lol 38. Haircolor: Goldish brown 39. Long or short hair: hella long boi 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Nope, Im not attracted to people very easily. 41. What do you like about yourself: I like my eyes and hair. Kinda like my legs too. 42. Piercings: I don't really want any nor do I have some. I think they look cool though. 43. Bloodtype: fuck if I know 44. Nickname: my friend called me snicklefritz once but otherwise none in particular. 45. Relationship status: Still single lmao 46. Zodiac: Aries 47. Pronouns: She/Her 48. Favorite TV show: Steven Universe, Voltron, RWBY (if that counts?), Scrubs. 49. Tattoos: None and not rly interested but I think they are cool. 50. Right or left hand: Righty 51. Surgery: Nope. 52. Hair dyed in different color: One shade lighter than my actual color due to my mother and my sister's insistance. 53. Sport: I am shit at athletics so none. I like watching swimming and ice skating though. 54. (???? avoid) 55. Vacation: My family tends to go to a cottage up north during the summer for a week and i love being on a lake so 56. Pair of trainers: ??? No? MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: I enjoy it? 58. Drinking: Very nice. 59. I’m about to: Go to the store w/ my mom and probs get lunch. 62. Want: To be motivated or at the very least have some more cash and less problems. 63. Get married: Boy I hope to someday my dude. 64. Career: Looking into medical technology but I have no distinctive interests other than Human Resources maybe. WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: Both? Both is good. 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes 67. Shorter or taller: Tallllll. 68. Older or younger: A bit older than I is cool. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Both again. 71. Sensitive or loud: I can b your angle or I can b ur devel. It depends lol. 72. Hook up or relationship: I'm all about that sweet sweet commitment so relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: If I get in trouble I'll likely cry or panic so hesitant. HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: I can't even kiss a friend honey. No. 75. Drank hard liquor: Nope. 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I've broken the frames of my glasses like 3 times but I don't lose them. 77. Turned someone down: Kinda? There's some real creepy people lol I just ignore them. 78. Sex on the first date: Hell no. 79. Broken someone’s heart: How the fuck should I know? No??? 80. Had your heart broken: Meh, a couple times I guess. 81. Been arrested: Nope. 82. Cried when someone died: I cry even when cartoon characters die ofc I cry. 83. Fallen for a friend: Kinda but it wasn't meant to be lol DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: I don't even know. 85. Miracles: Sometimes. 86. Love at first sight: Attraction maybe, love? No. 87. Santa Claus: Nope. 88. Kiss on the first date: Depends if I knew the person already I guess. OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: I have many but the oldest is my good pal Lauren. 91. Eyecolor: Green I think. 92. Favorite movie: I like so many? Strange Magic I've watched a lot though. Tagging: @smilingwaters @deliciousfrenchfries @animalbks @the-rad-machine @p00kn00t @saddildosinc @misubito I tried

[brookesayshai]

Tag for @mineking2435

tcorny1: Do you sleep on a blanket over your mattress with another blanket on top, or with just one blanket on top of you? Lots a blankets 2: Personally, what do you believe happens when a person dies? ghosts r cool 3: If faced with the opportunity, would you ever kill a criminal whom you don’t know if it meant you could get anything you want in return? (Keep in mind you do not/can not know what said criminal has done to become a criminal until after you’ve made your decision) nope 4: The funniest nickname you can come up with for __Batman Jesus The Rapist_________ ? (throwback) 5: What type of art could you always appreciate but never see yourself actually doing?  realism 6: You’ve been given the option to choose how the human race reproduces. How would we reproduce, which sex would bare children, and how would we bare them? (Eggs, litters, etc) same as it is bc fuck change 7: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever experienced, may it be just reading about it or experiencing it in the flesh? uh, discovering this site 8: You can choose any world to go to from any book, movie, video, fanficion, etc, and the option to become the main character. Where would you go, and would you be involved in the main story, or just watching on the sidelines? fallout and both bc i can 9: What is one thing in this world you would get rid of if you knew it’d be erased from the entire history of the human race? the emoji movie 10: Describe ____life_______ in your own words. 69 69 11: You’re in hell! One song is playing on repeat for eternity. What song it it? Oh Ms Beleiver

12: You get to create a entirely new species. Describe the name of them and what they look like. purple firaffe w/ monkey head

13: You’re now allergic to EVERY animal except for one. Which animal is it? Rat 14: What’s on your mind right now? him 15: Try and describe your closest friend in the silliest way possible. corny 16: You can stop doing one of the following– Eating, Using the restroom, Sleeping– without any consequences. What do you choose? using rr 17: You have to live on a world famous landmark for the rest of your life. Which landmark would you live on/in? idk 18: You can babysit 6 extremely poilte and kind kids for not very much money or one extremely rude and disrespectful child for a high amount of money for a week. Which do you choose? either or 19: You have to use one word in every sentence for the rest of your life. What word is it? fuck 20: Go on a vacation forever or never leave your home town? im fine w/ hometown 21: What would your character be described as in an upcoming anime? cynical beeotch 22: You get to redesign the whitehouse. Describe how your fabulous revisions would make it look? a maze garden 23: You’re now inhabiting the body of the last person you talked to. Who is it, how how weirder out are you? @mineking2435 24: Add a letter to the alphabet! What’s its name and what does it look like? bers (idfk) 25: Weirdest fetish you’ve ever found out about and how? Foot i think 26: Every mosquito drops dead and they are never found again or every wasp? waspsss 27: Fear you had when you were little that you grew out of? dark 28: The ability to make everyone listen to you when you want to say something or have no one notice you when you don’t want them to? 2 29: What’s your favorite meme? the dank ones 30: Best surprise you’ve ever gotten? him :))) 31: Do you no longer listen to a song because it reminds you of someone you don’t talk to anymore? kinda, yeah 32: Write a full paragraph about yourself without being negative (or just a sentence if you don’t want to write a full paragraph!) I would say something and than, but it doesnt matter or its not important or not that i care 33: Describe the most attractive person you’ve ever seen without mentioning their name. Himmmmm mmmm damn 34: Upload your all time favorite picture! cant pic, we’re just too cute together 35: You wake up tomorrow and end up having NO responsibilities to do, including work, school, cleaning, projects– Nothing!– As well as full access to an endless supply of money for an entire week. How do you spend it? being lazy as usaual 36: Write a plot for a TV show that you would most definitely watch. Drama, romance, action, comedy XD 37: If you had to choose between only wearing shorts and long sleeves or pants and a tank top for all of winter, what would you choose? (No coats allowed or other garments under or over the shorts or pants!) What about my bra? 38: One thing you’d love to wake up to? him every morning  39: You can choose to learn one talent to master or choose many talents that you’re somewhat okay at. Which do you choose? many ok talents 40: Favorite quote/saying? “Goodnight, sleeptight, don’t let the bedbugs crawl into your ear and whisper threatening things that make you question yourself” - Tyler Joeseph 41: You say one sentence to go down in history and be remembered years after you pass, even centuries into the future. What’s the sentence? Im a god damn mother fucking fishstick, you got dat or naw 42: Favorite video you’ve ever watched? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAvxLESWJG8 (bc of the one phrase) 43: Type/act like you did when you were 13 and describe your plans for tonight. I will, uh cry myself to sleep (emo phase so yeah) 44: You’re a baby with a very deep voice. What would you say to startle everyone in the room with your very deep baby voice? CHEESY FRIES MOTHER FUCKER 45: Funniest joke you’ve ever heard? my life 46: Ever pulled a prank, and if you did– What was it? I told my sister when she got her first period, if she farts blood will go everywhere and her friends joined in on it 47: You can be a human with fur or a dog with hair. Which do you choose? human with fur  48: In your own opinion, the weirdest advertisement you’ve seen? old spice i guess bc its too wak 49: Did you answer honestly to these questions? yes 50: Your hair can be any color you want, but its permanently there. For an example, you can dye your hair another color after, but the color you originally choose will always grow back in eventually. What color do you choose?

tyedye idfk

Heres some more @mineking2435

When you are old, what do you think children will ask you to tell stories about?

If you could switch two movie characters, what switch would lead to the most inappropriate movies?

What animal would be cutest if scaled down to the size of a cat?

What inanimate object would be the most annoying if it played loud upbeat music while being used?

When did something start out badly for you but in the end, it was great?

What weird food combinations do you really enjoy?

How would your country change if everyone, regardless of age, could vote?

[purgatorily]

long post !

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

thank you for tagging me @skullbygloy100​ i always enjoy your posts (^Ｏ^)

LAST: 1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: well i don’t really talk on the phone (ever) but i skyped with a friend sometime last week so if that counts then yeah 3. Text message: my sweet friend isaiah! we were getting excited for bts’ comeback together haha  4. Song you listened to: agnes by glass animals 5. Time you cried: i believe it was wednesday? i got upset about chester bennington again:(

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: in real life, no (thankfully). i plan to play byron’s route in midcin again soon tho;) 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i wouldn’t say “regretted” is the word. the guy who was my first kiss is kind of a wild card though so there have been times when i wished i’d kept my lips pure lolol 8. Been cheated on: no! 
9. Lost someone special: i lost my maternal grandfather when i was very young and a great-uncle on my father’s side 
10. Been depressed: when i first moved (two years ago now) i was very unhappy and buried myself in anime and tumblr and my writing just to get as far away from my new life as possible. but i’ve never been officially diagnosed with depression 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: ya girl is a very innocent one. i’ve only ever tasted the barest sip of vodka and spat it right now lolol

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: purple, yellow, light blue??

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: i guess? mostly i’ve just gotten rid of the toxic ones though ahaha 16. Fallen out of love: kind of. more like i let go of a love i’d been holding onto for far too long, which was a really good choice! 17. Laughed until you cried: definitely yes 18. Found out someone was talking about you: LOLOLOL YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW OKAY EVERYONE IN MY IRL LIFE ARE DAMN SNAKES 19. Found out who your friends are: not really  
20. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: not in the last year

GENERAL: 21. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them lmao i don’t friend people i don’t know 22. Do you have any pets: 2 cats and a dog 
23. Do you want to change your name: not at all:) i don’t like telling people my full name but only because my best friend has only called me by it since i told him (many years ago) and so it’s become too precious for me to let people use lightly lolol  24. What did you do for your last Birthday: went to see a movie and hung out with my family (and started having an age crisis that’s still currently going on oops) 25.What time do you wake up: 7:30 during the week, 8:00 on the weekends. BUT right now i’m waking up earlier every day because i’m playing mystic messenger (gotta get all those chats ya know? 
26. What were you doing at midnight last night: watched johnny test to keep me awake till 00:00 for a chatroom in mystic LOLOL  27. Name something you can’t wait for: getting to zen’s route in 2 days lol 28. When was the last time you saw your mom?: this morning at breakfast 
29. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i could be better at math and figure out the reason i have writer’s block rn. oh and also get the $79 VIP package for mysme 
30. What are you listening to right now: midnight movies by saint motel 31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: prolly idk 32. Something that is getting on your nerves: CHERITZ I LOVE YOU BUT HGS ARE WAY TOO EXPENSIVE AND HAVING TO TRADE A HUNDRED (100!!!!) HEARTS FOR ONE (1!!!!) HG IS UNREASONABLE PLEASE LOWER THE BAR JUST A TINY BIT 33. Most visited website: probably just google lmao or maybe otomeobsessed for game cheats oops 
34. Mole/s: too many to count? 35. Mark/s: a few on my face from a dog bite last year (nothing bad dw) and some on my knees from being a kid 36. Childhood dream: never really had one which sounds depressing but i don’t mean it to be haha 37. Hair color: brown  38. Long or short hair: im growing out an extremely short pixie cut but it’s just a little lower than my chin now! 39. Do you have a crush on someone: hyun ryu, gal gadot, jason momoa, jack lowden, fionn whitehead, derek hale....but no, not on anyone i actually know  
40. What do you like about yourself: im pretty tall so i like my legs. my hair is also naturally curly which can be rlly nice and i have small t*ts so my life is rather easy in that department lol. i also like how passionate i get about my interests! 
41. Piercings: three on each lobe of both my ears  42. Blood type: don’t know but i wanna find out!!  43. Nicknames: i have a friend who calls me cutie and there are more but i won’t say what they are ahaha   44. Relationship status: firmly disinterested in irl relationships due to my thorough dedication to albert, inuchiyo, nobunaga, and zen:)) 45. Zodiac: geminii 
46. Pronouns: she/her 47. Favorite TV Show: stranger things, bob’s burgers, lots of different anime  
48. Right or left hand: right 49. Surgery: never had it!! 50. Hair dyed in different color: i bleached, like, the bottom INCH of my hair a few years ago but it’s all gone now 51. Sport: i like figure skating (yoi anyone ahaha) and basketball/volleyball (because of knb and hq oh boy) 52. Vacation: i desperately want to visit japan (not because im a weeb or smthg stfu) and france and greece and italy and new york and yeah i just wanna travel 
53. Pair of trainers: 0

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: nothing currently 58. Drinking: nothing, again 
59. I’m about to: finish this and go to an open house for something secret:) 60. Want: to get a good enough score that fills all the requirements i need the next time i take the ACT 
63. Get married: maybe one day but not until i’m absolutely certainly in love 64. Career: like i said, i wanna travel, so maybe some kind of writing job where i need to travel for it? or something in social media or music. 
65. Hugs or kisses: i don’t like kissing anyone (besides an S/O) on the lips but i love hugs and cuddling from everyone 
66. Lips or eyes: eyes  
67. Shorter or taller: taller but i don’t really care unless the height difference is H U G E 68. Older or younger: again, doesn’t matter if the gap isn’t so big that it affects the relationship 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: stomach 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive like me 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship i guess but also i don’t like super lovey-dovey intensity   73. Troublemaker or hesitant: i try to be as levelheaded as i can be and i’d hope the person i fall for would do the same

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: no sir 75. Drank hard liquor: no wayy 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: don’t need them anyway so 
77. Turned someone down: yep, multiple times but he doesn’t seem to get the message 78. Sex on the first date: uh no   
79. Broken someone’s heart: yeah kinda but he’s over it now so  80. Had your heart broken: when i realized i had to let go of my feelings for aforementioned-boy i stayed up really late crying but then i was like fine in a day lolol 81. Been arrested: no 
82. Cried when someone died: i probably cried when my grandfather died but i don’t remember. i’ve cried over countless fictional characters though 83. Fallen for a friend: yes but they’ve always liked me back so does that count?? i’d only fall for someone i knew and liked as a person anyway 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84: Yourself: i try to 85. Miracles: they go hand-in-hand with religion so (no offense) i definitely don’t.  86. Love at first sight: not really 87. Santa Claus: LOGICALLY i obviously don’t. but EMOTIONALLY?? yes, i am in fact still a six year old:’) 88. Kiss on the first date: i mean i believe that it happens obviously but i don’t know if i’d be comfortable with it unless, like i said, i’d already known the person for a while beforehand 

OTHER: 90. Current best friend’s name: jorge and he says that i’m art and that i sing like an angel and i love him he’s the best 
91. Eye color: brown (often described as amber by my mother) 92. Favorite movie: ferris bueller’s day off. i also like heathers and currently im loving spiderman: hoco and dunkirk

TAGGING: everyone lol im too lazy okay peace