#thanks again for the tag aud!!

[ana-bananya]

URGENT: Help The Balla Family Relocate

Current progress: $180/$680 AUD

Vetting information: shared by Sara (bsonblast) and was promoted by Jin (jinforjustice) on ig

Adel's family needs $500 to relocate to escape the escalated shelling in Omdurman. The family's campaign has been stagnant for 2 weeks, so we desperately need to get donations flowing again!

Please donate and share. We cannot delay their travel! The Balla family are in danger as long as they remain in Omdurman.

Tagging for reach. Please share if you see this. Thank you

@papenathys @hiveswap @paandaan @anneemay @tumkaafiho @balaclava-trismegistus @ripley-stark @irhabiya @fleshdyk3 @itsfookingloosah @rooh-afza @shesnake @akajustmerry

@paper-mario-wiki @punkitt-is-here @rhubarbspring @neechees @mangocheesecakes @tortiefrancis @toiletpotato @fromjannah @ankle-beez @lonniemachin @socalgal @chilewithcarnage @spindly-counting @readingsquotes @bellybuttonblue2 @bees-fart-too @andiv3r-reblogging @ambidextrousarcher @fresh-bed-old-sheets @starless-gaze @esperantokomencanto @thinking-about-giraffes @cripsycremecuckery @mercurysreal @punkitt-is-here

@blueberryblowfly @mione-g @monstermashpotato @theultracharmingladynoire @nibeul @wayward-bitch

@bignightengineer @khudrang @m-an-u @rdx-dcm @sleepyhomosexual @omegaversereloaded @vague-humanoid @charlott2n @bloglikeanegyptian

[shaiyasstuff]

sapere aude | sylus | chapter four

synopsis : You smile. You rest. You let the world in again, piece by careful piece. And he begins to look at you like you’re something separate. Not her shadow, but something alive. Still, guilt doesn’t protect. It confuses the living for the dead—and love for something far more dangerous. content : light angst, slow-burn, mentions of death, 50/50 cannon!au, reader is mc’s sister

tagging : @blessdunrest @cathedralofaudra

parts | one | two | three | four

The door creaked open just after midnight.

Boots shuffled across the entryway as the twins stepped inside, snow still clinging to the edges of their coats.

Luke was the first to speak, voice raised with a weariness only familiar pain could deliver.

“God, I think my fingers froze off three towns ago.”

Kieran let out a soft grunt, tugging off his gloves. “That’s because you never close your jacket.”

Luke opened his mouth to argue—but stopped.

The scent hit first. Warm garlic, ginger, something simmering low with comfort and care.

He blinked, turning slowly toward the kitchen.

You were there, sleeves rolled up, standing over the stove in one of the manor’s borrowed sweaters.

The light in the kitchen cast a soft glow over your face, your hair tied up messily, cheeks flushed from the heat.

You glanced up as they entered, eyes lighting with relief.

“There you are,” you murmured, setting a bowl onto the counter. “I made congee. Thought you might need something warm.”

The words weren’t grand. But they landed like an anchor.

Luke stared, speechless for once.

Kieran stepped forward slowly, taking the bowl without a word. He studied it, then glanced at you—and nodded. Just once.

That was all you needed.

Luke flopped into a chair a moment later, dragging his bowl with him. “If this tastes as good as it smells, I might marry you,” he groaned.

You laughed softly. “You’d need Sylus’ permission first.”

At that, Kieran made a sharp choking sound into his spoon. Luke raised a brow.

“…Honestly, he probably wouldn’t even say no.”

You smiled, but said nothing.

It was becoming routine now. These quiet evenings. You’d wait up when they returned, already knowing the kind of exhaustion that lived in their bones.

You’d ask no questions, only offer warmth—through food, through presence, through the small touches that made the manor feel like more than just stone and shadow.

And they let you.

That meant more than anything spoken.

—•

Sylus didn’t let anyone into his study. Not even the twins, unless it was urgent.

But tonight, he didn’t protest when you knocked.

“Come in,” he called, not looking up from the stack of papers on his desk.

You stepped inside with a tray in your hands—tea, still steaming, and a plate of stir-fried rice and vegetables.

He heard the door shut behind you. Your footsteps were always easy to tell apart from the others.

Lighter. Slower. Like you were still figuring out how much space you were allowed to take up.

“You didn’t come down to eat,” you said, setting the tray on the corner of his desk.

“I wasn’t hungry.”

“You are now.”

He glanced at you then. Just a flick of red eyes under pale lashes. He didn’t argue.

You didn’t try to stay, but you lingered—waiting to see if he’d say anything.

Sometimes he didn’t. Sometimes he’d just eat in silence while you sat across from him, thumbing through old books or sketching in the notebook you kept tucked in your cardigan sleeve.

Tonight, he spoke.

“Thank you,” he said, nodding toward the tray.

You smiled softly. “You’re welcome.”

He watched you for a beat longer than he meant to. Your presence wasn’t demanding. It never had been.

Where Shaiya had always entered a room like a stormfront—sharp, sure, intentional—you drifted in like a warm breeze. Gentle. Unassuming.

But no less powerful.

You didn’t need to push to be felt.

And he was beginning to realize—he didn’t mind the quiet when it was with you.

You reached for a book on the shelf, scanning titles absentmindedly. Sylus returned to his papers, but not before letting himself notice.

Your smile was different.

Your warmth was not her fire.

And somehow, it was just what he needed.

His eyes followed you as you crossed the room, barefoot and quiet, settling onto the worn leather couch as if you belonged there.

You pulled your knees up, tucking them beneath you as you opened the book in your lap, lips curved in the faintest smile.

It was a small thing. A quiet moment. But to Sylus, it was a danger.

Because for a single breath, he forgot.

Forgot what your smile reminded him of.

Forgot why it hurt to see you at peace.

Almost.

His gaze dropped back to his papers, a subtle tension forming in his brow. But the damage was already done.

The way the light fell across your face.

The shape of your profile.

The ease with which you filled the silence—just like she used to.

The memory surged forward, uninvited.

Snowfall. Blood. Her weight in his arms. The warmth of her fading. The forgiveness in her final breath.

His fingers gripped the edge of the desk.

Hard.

He didn’t hear you call his name at first, voice soft, a hint of worry bleeding through the syllables. It took your hand on his shoulder—warm, grounding—for reality to snap back.

His head jerked toward you, sudden and sharp.

Too fast.

You startled, hand recoiling like you’d been burned. “S-Sorry,” you whispered, retreating. “I didn’t mean—”

Your voice faltered.

You looked small then. Not weak—just unsure. As if your existence here was still something fragile, something he could shatter with a glance.

And for reasons he couldn’t explain, it made his chest ache.

He exhaled slowly, the tension in his shoulders easing beneath your absence.

“Don’t apologize,” he said at last, voice low, rough around the edges. “Not ever.”

You blinked up at him, startled. Eyes wide and glassy, lips parted as if the words had caught you off guard.

Then—faintly, but unmistakably—you blushed.

And looked away.

He should’ve turned back to his work.

But he didn’t.

Because the ghost in his memory never looked at him like that. Not with gentleness. Not with hope.

That… was yours alone.

And it terrified him.

Because for the first time in a long time, the guilt didn’t feel like armor.

It felt like a wound.

Still open. Still bleeding.

And yet, with you near, he wasn’t sure if he wanted it to close.

It had been nearly two weeks since that moment.

Since your hand closed around his—small, steady, trembling—and your voice, so soft it barely stirred the air, told him that it wasn’t his fault. That he wasn’t alone.

That morning in the living room still lingered like smoke in his lungs.

Sylus couldn’t forget the way your fingers had curled around his like you were trying to hold something broken together.

The way your warmth had seeped into him—not just physically, but deeper, where his Evol couldn’t reach. Where guilt lived like rot.

And now, it scared him.

Your kindness terrified him more than bullets ever could.

Because it wasn’t her face that haunted him anymore.

It was you.

The real you.

You, who smiled at him like he wasn’t a monster.

You, who filled the kitchen with laughter so soft it barely echoed, and yet he still heard it hours later.

You, who soothed every ache in his chest and reopened every wound with the same gentle touch.

He watched as you slept peacefully on his couch.

Cautious. That’s what he told himself.

But it stopped being about safety when he found himself memorizing the way your brow creased when you dreamed. The way your lashes brushed against your cheeks.

The slow rise and fall of your breath, steady in the hush of the dark.

Peaceful.

Trusting.

Unaware.

And it burned.

It burned when you told him, shy and bright, that you were ready to move on. That you had chosen to let go of the pain. That you would stop chasing the ghost of your sister and try to live again.

He had nodded.

He had said nothing.

But inside, something splintered.

Would you still say the same if you knew?

If you knew the truth that curled beneath his ribs like a blade?

That he hadn’t failed to protect your sister.

He had killed her.

He stood suddenly, the chair scraping faintly behind him.

The study was quiet, bathed in low amber light, your half-finished tea still warm on the table beside your folded cardigan. The smell of you lingered—soft soap and cinnamon—and he couldn’t breathe.

He couldn’t bear it.

He moved quickly, coat slung over his arm, hand already on the doorknob. Guilt surged like bile up his throat.

What was he doing?

Letting you into his world, letting you into him—was this supposed to be redemption? Was this his penance?

You had smiled at him like he was worth loving.

Fool.

His grip tightened around the handle until the metal bit into his palm.

Did you really think this was forgiveness?

Or had he simply let himself believe, even for a moment, that someone like him could be touched by warmth without burning it to ash?

He exhaled sharply and stepped into the corridor.

The door clicked shut behind him.

And just like that, your scent, your softness, your unspoken grace—all of it was locked away, out of reach.

Because monsters didn’t deserve lullabies.

But some part of him, just couldn’t stay away.

—•

Your eyes fluttered open slowly, the shadows in the room unfamiliar, though not unwelcome. The book rested loosely in your hands, one corner creased where your thumb had slipped in sleep.

You blinked once.

“Ah… I must’ve fallen asleep,” you murmured, your voice low and dry, caught between dreaming and waking.

A soft breeze slipped in from the cracked window, rustling the curtains and grazing your skin like a memory. You shivered, lifting the book from your lap and setting it aside.

The quiet wrapped around you—not suffocating, not sharp, just… still. Almost gentle.

Your gaze drifted toward the desk out of habit.

Empty.

Sylus wasn’t there.

The sight struck you harder than it should have. Something settled—then shifted—in your chest. A subtle ache you didn’t have words for.

You stood slowly, arms wrapping around yourself as you padded to the door. The chill lingered, but it was the absence that felt colder. You reached for the handle—

And the door swung open.

You startled, a soft gasp escaping you as your hand flew to your chest.

He stood there.

Framed by the faint hallway light, coat slightly unfastened, red eyes wide—not with shock, but something quieter. As if he hadn’t expected to find you still awake.

As if he didn’t quite know what to say now that he had.

In his hands was a blanket. Soft wool. Familiar. Worn in the way things are when they’ve been used, and kept, and never quite let go.

You stared at it. Then up at him.

“…Is that for me?”

Your voice was small. A whisper caught somewhere between disbelief and hope.

His gaze followed yours, trailing down to the blanket like he’d momentarily forgotten it was there. A breath passed—slow, measured. Then he nodded, almost hesitantly. “I thought you might be cold.”

Your breath hitched.

The air between you shifted—not with tension, but something gentler. A thread pulling taut.

He wasn’t the same Sylus who haunted war rooms or stood unmoved in bloodstained halls. Not tonight. Not like this.

Tonight, he was just a man. Standing in a doorway. Carrying warmth in his hands.

You stepped aside without a word.

He crossed the room, his presence changing the temperature in the air. Not warmer, exactly—just steadier. Like the hush before snow falls.

He draped the blanket over the back of the couch, careful not to brush you as he did. Then, to your quiet surprise, he sat beside you. Close enough that his knee grazed yours briefly before he stilled.

You looked at him. Noticing, as you always did, the way he carried silence like armor. But tonight—it felt thinner.

And then, without looking at you, he lifted the blanket again and gently pulled it over your shoulders.

Your fingers reached up instinctively, tugging it tighter around yourself. The scent of him clung to the fabric—clean, cold, like wind and steel and something just shy of comfort.

You didn’t move.

Neither did he.

But then he spoke, voice low—measured, like it had been weighing on him for too long.

“I thought about it,” he said. “About your trust.”

You blinked, turning to him. His eyes didn’t meet yours right away. Not yet.

“I know what it means,” he continued. “To offer that to someone. Especially… someone like me.”

Now, his gaze found yours. And it held.

There was no façade in it. No commander. No monster. Just a man trying to steady something in himself before it slipped.

“I want to honor that,” he said. “Your trust. I want to… keep it.”

The words landed softly, but they struck something deep—because they weren’t said like a vow. They were said like a confession.

And you understood.

You didn’t know what haunted him, not yet.

But you knew this much:

He wasn’t just trying to be kind.

He was trying to be worthy.

Your chest ached, but you smiled.

Small. Quiet. Real.

And you whispered, “Then stay.”

He didn’t move for a long time. Just sat there beside you, staring at the dark, as if wondering whether the warmth in your voice might melt something in him he wasn’t ready to let go of.

But he didn’t leave.

And that—was answer enough.

Sleep crept over you like a tide, soft and inevitable. Your eyes fluttered shut, lashes brushing your cheeks as your head dipped slightly to the side—too heavy now to hold upright.

Your head tilted, and in another second, you would have slipped entirely—if not for the arm that caught you.

Sylus stiffened at the contact, instinct bracing before his body eased. Carefully, almost reluctantly, he brought your head to rest against his chest.

The silence around him grew heavier.

He looked down at you, the steady rise and fall of your breathing against him. Your face was calm, unworried. Trusting.

His Evol pulsed faintly beneath his skin—quiet now, for once. As if even it knew that this moment wasn’t meant to be disturbed.

The flickering lamplight painted shadows across the room, stretching long and soft over the edges of his desk, your blanket, the contours of your face.

He hadn’t held someone like this in a long time.

Not since—

His jaw clenched.

This wasn’t her.

You weren’t her.

And yet you slept against him the same way—soft, unguarded, like you didn’t know what he’d done. Like you couldn’t possibly imagine the weight he carried.

He shut his eyes.

Was this enough?

He didn’t know anymore.

He had kept you alive. He’d killed for you. Let you into rooms no one else was allowed in. Let you see pieces of himself he hadn’t shown in years.

But was it enough?

Was this repentance?

Your fingers twitched lightly in sleep, brushing against his coat, and his breath hitched.

No. It couldn’t be.

Because redemption meant undoing what he had done.

And no amount of warmth from you could ever bring back what he destroyed.

His arms held still. Steady.

But his chest—

It burned.

Not from guilt.

But from the unbearable ache of being seen, and still being held.

And he wasn’t sure which hurt more.

—•

The morning sun filtered gently through the old manor windows, pale and quiet, like it was afraid to touch anything too heavily.

You stirred slowly from your sleep, still wrapped in the blanket Sylus had draped over your shoulders the night before.

His study was empty now. His chair pushed back, the fire reduced to nothing but a faint glow in the hearth.

There was no sign of him.

You sat up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as the silence pressed in. It wasn’t uncomfortable—just still. Like the room had gone back to holding its breath, waiting.

Breakfast came and went. You cooked with the twins, laughed a little at Luke’s usual antics, watched Kieran argue with him in that half-hearted, brotherly way. But Sylus hadn’t joined you.

And the longer his absence stretched, the more aware of it you became.

You didn’t ask where he was.

Not directly.

Just… listened. Waited. Wondered.

By the time the sun had started to dip behind the trees, casting long shadows across the manor halls, you found yourself wandering again.

Your steps aimless, almost dreamlike, the sort of movement that comes when thoughts are too loud and the silence too thick.

That was when you saw it.

A narrow door at the end of a hallway you rarely walked. Tucked between two old portraits, half-hidden by shadow. You paused in front of it, fingers brushing over the aged handle.

It didn’t look locked.

Something inside you stirred.

A breath. A pull. A question you couldn’t name.

You opened it quietly.

The scent of rust and cool air met you first. A staircase, old and narrow, led up into the unknown. You hesitated for only a second before climbing.

The wind grew stronger the higher you went, tugging at your sleeves, lifting strands of your hair like it remembered something you’d forgotten.

And then—you emerged.

The rooftop.

It stretched wide before you, open to the sky and the sweeping view of the forested ridges beyond.

The air was crisp, tinged with the scent of stone and distant rain, and the world looked softer from up here—washed in the amber light of the late afternoon sun.

You stood there for a moment, just breathing it in. The stillness. The sky.

The way the manor seemed so far behind you now, like stepping through that door had taken you somewhere else entirely.

Then you moved—slowly, quietly—to the edge. You sat with your legs drawn up, your hands in your lap, eyes fixed on the horizon.

The wind danced around you, catching in your hair, and you let it. You let yourself be still.

You didn’t expect peace.

But that’s what this felt like.

A rare, fleeting moment of peace.

You leaned your head back, eyes closing. The sun warmed your skin. For the first time in what felt like days, your chest didn’t ache with questions.

You didn’t know why he hadn’t come here. Or if he even knew this place existed. Maybe he did. Maybe it used to be hers.

You tried not to think about that.

Tried not to think about how much of her still lingered in the corners of this place—in the way the hallways echoed, or how the others looked at you sometimes like they weren’t sure who they were seeing.

Up here, it didn’t matter.

Up here, there was only sky.

And silence.

And you.

You stayed until the sun dipped just beneath the edge of the hills, gold bleeding into deep violet. The shadows stretched longer. The wind grew colder.

And still, you didn’t move.

You thought of the cell.

Of the damp air, the suffocating dark. The days bled together, one after another, while your body ached and your mind drifted between hope and despair.

You had stopped counting time after the second day—or maybe the fifth. A week? A month? It didn’t matter now.

Your fingers curled around your wrists, an instinctive motion. The burn of the chains was long gone, but the memory still lived in your skin, tucked beneath the surface like a phantom pain.

And yet… your heart felt warm.

Strange, how that could be.

You owed it to them—the twins. Their bickering, their banter, the way their presence made the silence easier to bear.

Luke’s ridiculous jokes, Kieran’s quiet glances. Without meaning to, they reminded you what laughter felt like.

And then—your thoughts shifted.

To her.

To your sister.

You remembered how she used to tug you along by the wrist, her grip firm but playful, the scent of something sweet in the air as she promised ice cream and sunshine after a hard day.

You could almost see her now—sitting beside you, head tilted, cone in hand, listening as you rambled about little things and new beginnings.

The way she would smile, patient and knowing, like she always knew what you weren’t saying.

You let out a quiet breath, one that trembled slightly at the end.

“I’m safe now, Sis,” you whispered. “You made sure of it.”

Your voice caught in the breeze and disappeared, but you didn’t need a reply.

You smiled faintly, eyes misting. “I see it now. Why you liked it here.”

And then… Sylus.

You hadn’t meant to think of him, but he came to mind with startling clarity.

The way his red eyes watched you from across the room, unreadable but never cruel. The smirks that lasted barely a breath. The quiet way he lingered—not too close, but always near enough to reach if you needed him.

He had become part of your healing without even trying.

Your fingers tightened around your sleeve.

“I think I have feelings for him,” you murmured to the empty rooftop.

And for once, saying it out loud didn’t scare you. It felt real.

It felt right.

—•

Sylus hadn’t expected anyone to be on the rooftop.

It was late—late enough for the world below to be asleep, for the sky to hang heavy and still. So when he pushed the door open, expecting solitude, he stopped short.

You were already there.

Perched near the edge, knees drawn loosely to your chest, hair tousled by the wind. The moon cast a silver sheen over you, softening your outline, making you look like something half-dreamed.

At the sound of the door, you turned, startled at first, then offered a sheepish smile. “I stumbled up here,” you said, voice barely louder than the breeze. “Hope you don’t mind.”

For a moment, he didn’t answer. He just stood there, watching you in the hush of the night.

He didn’t mind.

But the ache did.

Because seeing you like that—bathed in pale light, voice easy, eyes tired but open—pulled the past too close.

Her smile.

Her eyes.

The way she used to lean into the wind and whisper that she loved him, even when she knew he couldn’t say it back.

His throat tightened.

He looked away, jaw flexing.

He had almost convinced himself he was letting go. That guilt could fade.

But tonight, it found him again.

Because sometimes, it wasn’t your resemblance to her that undid him.

It was that you were nothing like her at all.

Your gaze softened as you stepped off the ledge, quiet footsteps carrying you across the rooftop to where he stood, frozen in the doorway.

“Are you okay?” you asked gently, searching his face.

He didn’t answer.

So, slowly—carefully—you reached out, fingers brushing along his jaw, coaxing his face to meet yours.

The wind curled around you, sharp with silence.

“I’m not her,” you whispered, voice low but steady.

His eyes closed for the briefest second.

And when they opened again, they held something raw.

“That’s what hurts,” he said.

And the honesty in it nearly undid you.

“I’m sorry.”

It was the only thing you could manage—because what else was there to say to a man unraveling under the weight of memory?

Sylus didn’t respond right away. His gaze lingered on you, steady and unreadable, before his hand lifted—slow, hesitant—and came to rest lightly against your cheek.

His thumb brushed just beneath your eye, not to wipe away tears, but to memorize.

As if you were something he needed to understand.

There was something about you—something more than your softness, more than the gentle steadiness that had begun to ground him in ways he didn’t expect.

You were nothing like your sister.

And yet…

There was a pull. A quiet gravity.

Maybe it was something cruel in him that thought your presence was a second chance.

A reckoning dressed in mercy.

You didn’t flinch when he touched you.

You just looked at him—truly looked—like you were ready to carry something you didn’t yet comprehend.

You wanted to hold his pain.

And that terrified him.

Because you didn’t know—

Just how much he had to give.

Or how much of it

was soaked in blood.

He should’ve pulled away. Should’ve stopped before it went too far.

But he didn’t.

This—whatever this was—it was built on borrowed breath and buried truths. And he was the one keeping it that way, hiding the snow, the blood, the last breath your sister took in his arms.

You didn’t know.

You didn’t know that the hands now reaching for you had once taken everything from you.

And yet, you trusted him. With your quiet smiles. With your presence. With your grief.

He hated himself for how much that meant.

Because somewhere between your softness and the weight you carried so silently, he’d started to care.

Not because of some duty.

Not because of guilt.

But you.

You, with your warmth and hesitant hope. You, who reminded him not of her—but of what she never got to be.

The closer you drew, the worse it became.

Because he knew that when the truth came to light—and it would—it wouldn’t just break you. It would shatter whatever fragile thing had started to bloom between you.

He should’ve run. Should’ve made the clean cut before it turned into something irreparable.

But as the distance between you disappeared—inch by aching inch—he realized he couldn’t.

Because he’d already stepped too close.

And the tragedy was, he wasn’t falling for your face.

He was falling for you.

And there was no redemption left in that.

Only ruin.

You stopped him, your hands gently bracing against his chest, his face just inches from yours.

Your eyes searched his, soft and steady. “I hope this isn’t too sudden,” you whispered, your voice barely rising above the wind curling through the rooftop.

He froze beneath your touch, breath caught, as if the world had narrowed to just your words and the quiet thrum of your heartbeat against his.

“What is?” he asked, his voice low, touched with something fragile. Something you weren’t used to hearing from him.

You hesitated, but only for a breath.

Then, you spoke—honestly. “I want to stay here. Not because of the promises you made to my sister. Not because I feel like I owe it to her… I want to stay because of you.”

His eyes darkened, the emotion behind them shifting like a tide breaking against a shore. He looked at you as if your words had cracked something open inside him.

His breath hitched. Just once.

Then he said, voice rough but resolute, “Then stay.”

And he kissed you.

Slowly. Gently.

Like he knew he shouldn’t.

Like he wanted to memorize the way your lips felt before the truth inevitably destroyed this.

But for now, he kissed you anyway—ignoring the way his chest ached and the way guilt roared in his mind.

Because in that moment, you were real.

And he wasn’t ready to let you go.

You leaned into him, as if he were the only thing tethering you to something real.

It didn’t feel wrong. Not to you.

Maybe it was because, deep down, a part of you had been reaching for your sister through him all along—through the silence, the guilt in his eyes, the way he looked at you like you reminded him of something lost.

But as you kissed him, you understood something else—

You were never truly alone in your grief.

He had been carrying it too, quietly, heavily. And though neither of you had said it aloud, it had lived between you from the beginning.

Still, that sorrow felt distant now, softened beneath the warmth of his hand brushing yours, the quiet way he guided you through the halls and into the stillness of his quarters.

You didn’t know why you let him.

But you understood.

He hadn’t mourned her. Not really. Not the way people should.

And maybe, in this quiet surrender, in the space where words fell short—this was your way of helping him.

Letting him feel something other than guilt.

Even if just for a night.

You let him cry into you that night, your arms wrapped tightly around his trembling frame, bare skin pressed to bare skin beneath the hush of tangled sheets.

The room was quiet save for the shallow hitch of his breath and the way your name broke on his lips—soft, broken, pleading.

His body curled into yours as if trying to disappear, as if he could bury himself deep enough to escape whatever haunted him.

His fingers clutched at your waist, digging just slightly into your skin, like he was afraid you’d vanish if he let go.

You held him tighter in response, one hand gently stroking through his silver hair, the other pressed to the center of his back, steady and grounding.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Again and again.

You didn’t say anything at first. You just held him. Let him unravel.

And when your voice did come, it was quiet, warm against his ear. “It’s okay. You’re safe now.”

He flinched at that. Just slightly. As if the word safe scraped against something raw inside him.

You kissed his temple, his jaw, your lips brushing the places where his breath stuttered.

You thought he was mourning her—your sister. That the guilt he carried had finally cracked open in the dark. And maybe, in some way, he was.

But you didn’t know the truth.

You didn’t know he wasn’t apologizing for the grief, or for the sorrow, or for the way his hands shook as he touched you like you were something fragile.

He wasn’t even apologizing for her death.

He was apologizing for the lie.

For the way he had kept it from you.

For the way he had chosen to stay silent night after night, watching you sleep in peace while knowing he was the reason your sister never came home.

He was sorry—

For wanting this.

For keeping you close, even when he knew he had no right.

For not telling you the truth the moment your eyes first softened for him.

But he didn’t say any of that.

He just held you. Whispered hollow apologies. Let your warmth wrap around him like absolution he hadn’t earned.

And you, not knowing the weight of the confession that never came, just held him tighter and told him it was alright.

Even though it wasn’t.

masterlist

[sandcheeze13]

hello again.

sorry for not posting in a while, but i'm back with another masterpost. this contains both old, and new campaigns. i would like for you all to look into each, and every single one of their stories, and if you can, help them by donating. they deserve every amount of monetary gain all the while, going through so much pain.

if you're seeing this post in this tag, then that means that this tag is currently popular enough for this post to be seen by more people. i do apologize for annoying anyone by doing this, but we shouldn't forget about about anyone who is going through genocide.

here's a couple of more things that are worth mentioning:

1. due to a recent event, i might not be able to donate for a while. i'm currently working on that issue. so, i hope that everyone understands that, and i do apologize for making anyone upset, or angry by this. just know that your feelings are valid.

2. i am not an official vetter by any means. if you are looking for your campaign to be verified, here are a couple of suggestions that you can look for: bilal-salah0, gazavetters, butterfly project (forgot the name, sorry), 90-ghost, nabulsi, el-shab-hussein, gaza-evacuation-funds, etc.

3. if you're helping for a cause, why won't you do me a favor, and click at least six buttons here? -> https://arab.org/click-to-help (this'll further help the cause, if donating is not a possibility for you.)

4. some of the images does contain after injury. please proceed with caution.

5. if you think i have missed anyone, or any info, then please let me know down in the comments. i believe that is about it.

if anyone is able to donate, please do so. regardless, please reblog this, so more people can help. thank you.

ahmedwahdan - gazavetters #440 - last posted today - https://gofund.me/7f4a9d13 - €120 raised, €15K goal, [1%] - 2 days ago, 1 day ago - @ahmedwahdan

aburakhiaibrahim - gaza-evacuation-funds - last posted today - https://gofund.me/cfdc1d9e - $8,919 CAD raised, $30K goal, [30%] - 1 day ago, 60 mins ago - @aburakhiaibrahim

gazamanal3 / manalgaza - gazavetters #438 - last posted last month - https://gofund.me/95d64ef3 - kr18,085 SEK raised, kr1M goal, [2%] - 4 hrs ago, 2 hrs ago - @gazamanal3 @manalgaza

mohammedwael-gaza10 - gazavetters #501 - last posted 8 days ago - https://chuffed.org/project/together-for-mohammed - £913 Raised of £20,000 - both two donations were from 9 hours ago - @mohammedwael-gaza10

superbperfectionwolf - by association - last posted 23 days ago - https://gofund.me/033bd1f4 - kr11,734 NOK raised, kr350K goal, [3%] - 3 days ago, 1 day ago - @superbperfectionwolf

adambinali - bilal-salah0 - last posted 9 days ago - campaign - €1,952 raised, €20K goal, [10%] - 58 mins ago, 8 mins ago - @adambinali

swimmingblazenut - by association - last posted 15 days ago - https://gofund.me/0ae63681 - €892 raised, €30K goal, [3%] - both last two donations were from 2 days ago - @swimmingblazenut

hersublimetale - 90-ghost (was verified on a different account) - last posted today - https://gofund.me/485f0a70 - $125 raised, $4K goal, [3%] - 4 days ago, 3 days ago - @hersublimetale

teenagebreadwitch - vetted gaza evacuation funds #314 - last posted 2 days ago - https://gofund.me/e89c3b6c - £345 raised, £2.2K goal, [16%] - 5 hrs ago, 3 hrs ago - @teenagebreadwitch

samarsh1l - gaza-evacuation-funds, gazavetters #53, 90-ghost - last posted 5 days ago - https://gofund.me/22698fb1 - €23,209 raised, €45K goal, [52%] - 5 hrs ago, 3 hrs ago - @samarsh1l

yosha31 - by association (sister of rehamyasir) - last posted yesterday - https://gofund.me/a18e6a64 - $8,991 AUD raised, $10K goal, [90%] - 2 days ago, 2 hrs ago - @yosha31

rewaida0 - gazavetters #35 - last posted yesterday - https://gofund.me/7739658a - €6,818 raised, €30K goal, [23%] - 17 hrs ago, 4 hrs ago - @rewaida0

[oceangirl24]

20 Questions for Writers

Thanks @mrsmungus for the tag. ❤️

❣️How many works do you have on AO3?

13 total, including three fanart art gifts. The only writing I have is my current work. I'm bringing the old FFN stories over on another account.

❣️What is your total AO3 word count?

834,995- 1 million before the year's end would be nice.

❣️What fandoms do you write for?

So far only Boy Meets World. The fanart gifts have been in other fandoms.

❣️What are your top five fics by kudos? Autumn in Philadelphia Trilogy- 243

Flashbacks- 109

Christmas to Last a Lifetime- 94

Not too shabby for such a massive series with an OC as a main character.

❣️Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes. Eventually.

Ever single comment is incredibly important to me and I don't always have the spoons to respond the way I want to. Rather than rush a response, I wait until I can give it my full attention. There are times, however, when certain comments appear to go answered for months. Those are comments from people I am in touch with privately and have already thanked. I will respond to those in time as well.

❣️What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The Darkest Night without question.

❣️What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

At this point, probably Christmas to Last a Lifetime.

❣️Do you get hate on your fic?

Is having someone throw a tantrum in your comments hate?

The writer who did this was upset over how the first part of AiP ended because they did not read the tags or summary. They also complained about my OC being better than theirs and whined about liking Audrey more as though at 11 years old I created with Aud malicious intent to hurt them 20+ years later. 🙄

This was the person who also tried to push me out of the fandom, harassed me, and stole my work.

So, hate, no. Immature, entitled behavior, yes.

❣️Do you write smut?

No it's not my thing to read or write. My story is canon compliant and I'm staying true to the content of the show as well. Since it's a 90s kids' sitcom, situations were only dealt with to a certain degree.

❣️Do you write crossovers?

Technically. lol The AiP trilogy is a crossover with BMW and its sequel show, Girl Meets World, but since it's in the same universe I don't count it.

I am in the works of doing a real crossover that I'm really excited about, hopefully soon.

❣️Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. See the hate on fics response.

I debated how much to say since my socials are still being monitored but you know what, I don't care.

This person stole big chunks of my work from three of my stories and readers have noticed. That's how I became aware of it. Two readers brought it to my attention and just recently another mentioned it also.

I've dealt with it thanks to my dear friends who have had my back through this year + long ordeal.

And ngl, it was satisfying to see her panic and meltdown when the report was submitted and rush her ending. The subsequent attempts to cover her tracks have been popcorn worthy as they have been both comical and pathetic.

Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm too nice and give too much benefit of the doubt which is why no one outside of my friends' circle has seen the massive report on the theft and harrassment.

However, should you dear [REDACTED] try it again, I'm holding onto that report and won't be so nice the second time around. It won't be your friend who's been asking for the link since December 8th that I'll give it to either.

❣️Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge.

❣️Have you ever co-written a fic?

Not yet!!! But soon and I'm so excited.

❣️What's your all-time favorite ship?

As for canon ship, they change all the time, but currently it's

❣️What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

At this point it's looking like Birthday Wishes. lol I mean, I have it outlined to the end and the next chapter is almost ready to go, but I'm prioritizing Saudade and have little time for BW, unfortunately.

❣️What are your writing strengths?

I'm not sure. May be characterization? Possibly world building and character development.

❣️What are your writing weaknesses?

Conciseness. lol Also SPAG editing. My brain skips words like crazy when writing and even editing. No matter how many times I go over things, I miss so much.

❣️Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I avoid this personally because I know enough that I'd mess it up. And I only know Swedish which isn't really a language that figures into my work naturally.

As for fics I'm not writing, it really depends on how it's done.

❣️First fandom you wrote for?

Boy Meets World. First published was Labyrinth.

❣️Favorite fic you've ever written?

Ah, how to chose. Autumn in Philadelphia trilogy. I can't get anymore specific than that. lol

No pressure tags to play for: @axolotlsupremacyowo @tsunderesalty @amberlide @winterlovesong1 @justanotherpersonwhowrites @obscureobsidiandraws @stealing-your-kittens @bees-and-sunshine @ligercat

If anyone would like to be included in the tags, please let me know and I'll be sure to get you next time.

[blue-disco-lights]

✨Two Tag Tuesdays✨

Thank you to everyone who tags me in Tag Tuesday games because I love them 💕💕💕

First up, finally got a chance to play doll dress up in this super cute picrew thanks to @look-i-love-u @xninetiestrendx @m4ndysk4nkovich @sweetbee78 @tanktopgallavich @sickness-health-all-that-shit @suzy-queued @celestialmickey @palepinkgoat @such-a-barbarian (and i now tag 🪄you all in part 2 of this post)

AND thank you for thinking of me for this one, dear @celestialmickey @deedala @creepkinginc @energievie @harrowhark-a-vagrant @mmmichyyy @suzy-queued @shinygalaxyperson @lingy910y

you can call me: julia

pronouns: she/her

sun sign + favorite flower: taurus + roses

what time did you wake up today? 4am (why???), then again at 5:30am (double why) - i usually wake up around 6:30am

what kind of phone do you have? iphone 12

pick one: beach, mountain, desert, or forest? I just finished reading “a witch in wicker park” this morning (at 5:30am) and now i want to go wander in a forest and be surrounded by greenery

favorite vegetable: brussel sprouts (when they’re prepared all crunchy and delicious)

last person you talked to on the phone: my mom, last night

last person you texted: my friend who distracts me with friend gossip during the work day

you're at the smoothie shop, what are you getting? There’s this one smoothie I used to get all the time that was SOOO good (and way too expensive so i stopped) - almond butter, bananas and coconut milk (and a hundred other potions mixed in)

you're at the zoo, which exhibit are you seeing first? We have this cassowary at our zoo, and I’ve been a bit obsessed with her for years 

last movie you saw in theaters: Barbie 

last movie you saw at home: Red, White & Royal Blue (and looks like I’m not alone!)

something that sparks joy: Tumblr community 💗 I love all the games, the writing challenges, @galladrabbles (which has become weekly joyful practice), opportunities to be creative thx to @gallacrafts & @gallavichthings - thanks all, i enjoy hanging out with all of you here!

and finally, what’s your current obsession? Weather is warming up where I live, so finally cleaning up my backyard (see “forest” answer above), pulling weeds, giving some tlc to existing plants, adding some new veggies… my track record with gardening is historically VERY hit or miss, but i really do keep trying 🤞🌱

****

Tagging everyone up top ⬆️ if you haven't already done this... plus @sleepyfacetoughguy @such-a-barbarian @transmickey @grossmickey @bawlbrayker @sisitrip @golden28s @thepupperino @mybrainismelted @silvanshadow @gembu-tortuesouscafeine @gillyp @jadepetals @michellemisfit @francesrose3 @lupeloto @rayrayor @depressedstressedlemonzest @deathclassic @callivich @ian-galagher @auds-and-evens and anyone else who'd like to play any and all of these 💫

[techno-danger]

*ummm... I saw your tag and the comment and I hope you're at a safe place now. I hope it's not too much. I apologize if this reopens old wound.*

Hey, thanks so much for the concern. I'm completely fine to talk about being kicked out. It helped me leave my toxic situation all that much easier.

Thankfully my Nana let me move in with her the same day so I'm grateful i never ended up on the streets cause that's exactly where I would've been without the help and support I have now. I've got my own increased disability pension, my support worker who's helped me since I graduated high school 3 years ago has been there for me every new milestone I achieve and even helped me get my birth certificate, id's and other important stuff of mine back. I managed to have my first paying job last year at Christmas and my old boss even asked if I wanted to come back again this year! (I am btw, gonna be taking ALL the selfies with Santa :D). I've been applying for jobs about every week but nothing has gone through yet (you would not BELIEVE how many big companies have switched over to AI Interviews its been A NIGHTMARE-) however I'll be going back to Tafe (tertiary education) to get cert 3 in Child Care and see where that might take me, hopefully down a similar line as my support worker, he's helped change my life so much and is one of my biggest heroes. In fact we're even going to Melbourne next week for the PAX convention and he's been helping get our cosplays ready (Going as Verosika Mayday and Stolas from Helluva Boss).

All this compared to when I was practically an unpaid maid in my own home and was literally told often that I don't deserve my own opinion since I was acting "childish" and "disrespectful". That the reason I was suicidal and depressed was because I was "too lazy" to do my chores when I was told to. That if I brought in the washing creased or didnt cook a UNIQUE dinner every night or forgot to wash the dishes afterwards, I hadn't earned the right to eat breakfast the next day. Heck, if I hadn't done some of my chores (cause I was literally out of the house around 9 hours a day studying for a course I BEGGED to quit), like if the clothes got creased in the basket from when my parent left them for WEEKS in their room or vacuum the floor of the entire house, I would have to pay them a "Maid Tax" of $30 (AUD) for every chore of that they did. Oh and I also didn't have any kind of allowance growing up, just a centrelink pension of about $500 a fortnight that I had no control over.

This is all stuff I had to deal with since I was about 11, and I had a lot of other trauma from my other parent when I was younger, as well as other stuff I don't want to mention. I know there are worse things people can go through but I hope no kids get stuck in the same situation I was. No one deserves to feel like they earn the right to just exist in the world. Just because they're acting like a child having a temper tantrum doesn't excuse you having to be the adult in the relationship. I'm 21 in 2 months and I've had to be way more mature than the rest of my family who are in their 60's and 70's (who KNEW how my parent treated me) just so I could mentally survive. Even if they hadn't laid hands on me for a long time, emotional abuse still counted as domestic abuse, a fact I think my parent forgot.

I am fairly certain my parent has undiagnosed BPD, my psychologist and support worker both seem to think so after seeing the messages I've received from my parent over the year, going from scathing rants to suicidal goodbyes to ignoring me for months to civilized invitations to events we both like and then back to scathing rants. I've lived with my parent for so long I understand how their thought process usually goes so I can understand where each of the actions come from but that doesn't mean I'll be excusing them anymore.

They're still my parent, the one who's loved me, raised me, fought for me, guided me and helped support me for my entire life. However, I also have to accept that they're narcissistic, manipulative and hypocritical. Just because I love them does not mean I love how I'm treated by them. I hope that anyone who's going through anything similar to this can find the help they need to get a better support system and rise above the situation you're in. Take it from someone who can't see their own future still, it DOES slowly get better as long as you have at least one person you can count on.

Seriously thanks for the ask, I've never really gotten to properly talk/write about my life before and how it's changed so much in just a year. I hope you have a great day :))

[hazbinshusk]

Where is your Ko-Fi?? I need to throw money at you.

oh, wow! thank you! it's totally not necessary for you to do so, but this is amazingly nice of you so thank you! honestly, I've been writing for assorted fandoms for 15 years now and no one has ever asked for a ko-fi or anything like that!

I made one years ago and I've just updated it for everyone here: https://ko-fi.com/hazbinshusk

I will link it to me tagged post as well. The minimum is $1 AUD, so it's like, 70c American. Again, not necessary at all, but appreciated so, so very much <3

thank you, anon!

[melverie]

Thank you for tagging me starr!! <333

Last song: not sure which one of them was actually the last one but Paralyzed, Worldwide and Waves have been playing non-stop Favorite Color: the beautfiul shade of green a lot of my clothes have <3 Currently Watching Playing: BotW once again! Felt like doing challenge runs again Last Movie: Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva Currently Reading: Boy's Abyss Sweet Savoury Spicy: sweet! Relationship: single & happy Current Obsession: slipped right back into my BTR phase a while ago so that + Obey Me ofc Last Googled: Euro to AUD conversion rate Currently working on: a fun little story that includes Satan and angel wings, it's definitely very wholesome, don't worry about it haha :) Also Japanese studying materials for some of my moots!

I am tagginggggg

@melodilac @healersadjust @too-much-gacha

@reblogs-are-the-love @leviathanswingman @fun-arson-frogs

@arlatthan @zeldadou @bagofwetmice

Nine people I want to get to know better

Tysm @444rockstargf for the tag!!

Last song: In the air tonight- Phil Collins

Favorite Color: Forest green

Currently Watching: Supernatural

Last movie: Fallen (1998)

Currently Reading: Carrie by Stephen King and a Dean Winchester fic called As it Was on Wattpad

Sweet, Spicy, or Savory?: Spicy 100%

Relationship: Single as FUCK

Current Obsession: Scripting for/thinking about my drs (specifically all my ones for Rory Characters and my Dean Winchester dr)

Last googled: Dean Winchesters birthday (notice a pattern??)

Currently working on: A request from a very dear friend +lots of fic ideas

Tags (sorry if you’ve already been tagged, no pressure <3): @kappasbbgirl @iiheartsai @facingreailitysgravity @angelsanarchy @wildathevrt @svgarcaine @strawberrybyers @violetshazard @k1mdr4cul4

[unashamed-shipper]

Thrive

Yo guys! I recently became a promoter for Le-Vel Thrive, a natural vitamin & mineral company, to earn a little extra money on the side. I made a blog just for that so I don’t bother all of my followers with my posting about it haha. The blog is @audsthrives, and if you guys could give me a follow I would seriously appreciate it! Thank you so so much, and have a lovely day <3 

Love, Auds

[sandcheeze13]

hello again.

sorry that is has been a little while since i made one of these. been kinda feeling slumped, and all, but finally, after a couple of days of finally pushing my body to do something, i finally got this done.

if you are getting this post in this tag, then that means that this tag is currently popular enough to show this post for better visibility. i do apologize for annoying anyone by doing this, however we should not forget anyone during all of this.

reminder that even in the new year, we should not forget about anyone that is going through genocide. whether that be palestine, congo, sudan, haiti, west papua, etc. there are so many genocides going on right now as we speak, so your contributions for them are very much needed.

there's 3 more things that are worth mentioning:

1. as of now, i don't have enough money to donate to anyone. sorry about that.

2. i am not an official vetter by any stretch of the imagination. i am only the messenger.

3. some of the info might be outdated (specifically the last two donations, and the last time they have posted. i do apologize for the confusion.

if anyone is able to donate, please do so, regardless, please reblog this, so more people can help. thank you.

sameerblogs11 - gaza-evacuation-funds, bilal-salah0 - last posted today

campaign

$762 raised, $7K goal, [11%], 1 day ago, 12 hrs ago

dianatalb14 - gazavetters #312 - last posted 3 days ago

campaign

$420 AUD raised, $20K goal, [2%], 6 days ago, 3 days ago

mohammedatalah-amir-malak - 90-ghost, bilal-salah0 - yesterday

campaign

€24,095 raised, €82K goal, [29%], 3 days ago, 1 day ago

mosabfmly / nfamily2 / mfamily - gazavetters #309 - last posted 6 days ago

campaign

€9,796 raised, €20K goal, [49%], 59 mins ago, 22 mins ago

babygentlemenmusic - by association - last posted 15 days ago

campaign

$251 Raised of $200,000, last 2 donations were 7 days ago

irontimemachinepeanut - 90-ghost - last posted today

campaign

$14,061 CAD raised, $50K goal, [28%], 5 days ago, 2 hrs ago

yazan-famillly - northgazaupdates - last posted today

campaign

€19,254 raised, €50K goal, [39%], last two donations were from a day ago

mariamblogs - 90-ghost, gazavetters (unsure of number) - last posted 2 days ago

campaign

€11 772 raised, €45K target, [26%], 4 hrs ago, 43 mins ago

jaberaldahdouh2000 - unsure if vetted or not - last posted 3 days ago

campaign

€1 143 raised, €20K target, [6%], 3 days ago, 13 hrs ago

urgentaid-amera - el-shab-hussein, nabulsi #365, by association - last posted 6 days ago

campaign

€733 raised, €13K goal, [6%], 5 days ago, 4 days ago

alaa-alkhateeb / help-alaa-childrens - el-shab-hussein, nabulsi #99 - last posted yesterday

campaign

£31 086 raised, £56K target, [56%], 2 days ago, 1 day ago

gazamanal3 - unvetted - last posted 26 days ago

campaign

kr15 221 SEK raised, kr1M target, [2%], 15 hrs ago, 43 mins ago

mahmoud-5 - gazavetters #388 - last posted 3 days ago

campaign

$1,271 Raised of $10,000, 4 hours ago, 1 hour ago

safaaamer85 - 90-ghost - last posted 8 days ago

campaign

$10,043 Raised of $20,000, last two donations were from an hour ago

aligazafrom - gazavetters #373 - last posted 27 days ago

campaign

$6 357 raised, $10K target, [64%], 1 hr ago, 56 mins ago

ahmeddalnabih23 - gazavetters #186 - last posted today

campaign

$2 143 raised, $20K target, [11%], 2 days ago, 4 hrs ago

shamiamja - 90-ghost, gazavetters #82 - last posted a month ago

campaign

kr77 799 SEK raised, kr250K target, [31%], 16 hrs ago, 7 hrs ago

abdallah-gaza - 90-ghost, el-shab-hussein #315 - last posted today

campaign 1

$3,861 raised, $30K goal, [13%], 22 hrs ago, 10 hrs ago

campaign 2

hersublimetale - unvetted - last posted today

campaign

$20 raised, $4K goal, [1%], 3 hrs ago

walaamohamedfamily - gazavetters #26 - last posted today

campaign

€2,305 raised, €30K goal, [8%], 3 days ago, 9 hrs ago

ghadah-almadhoun - gaza-evacuation-funds - last posted yesterday

campaign

$6,957 AUD raised, $50K goal, [14%], last two donations were 3 days ago

merwangaza - 90-ghost - last posted 10 days ago

campaign

€1,537 raised, €30K goal, [5%], 21 hrs ago, 20 hrs ago

jaafar-gaza04 - by association (ayoosh-gaza01) - last posted 28 days ago

campaign

$6,174 Raised of $20,000, 1 hour ago, 6 minutes ago

sondos-gaza00 - by association (was received the link by her friend, jaafar-gaza04) - last posted yesterday

campaign

£82 Raised of £20,000, 7 hours ago, 5 hours ago

mohammedshehabyy - gazavetters #127 - last posted today

campaign

€5,846 raised, €60K goal, [10%], 7 hrs ago, 36 mins ago

mahmooud-sharif2 - 90-ghost, northgazaupdates2, vetted-gaza-funds, riding-with-the-wild-hunt, gazagfmboost - last posted 2 days ago

campaign

$16,699 raised, $60K goal, [28%], 3 days ago, 19 hrs ago

suad-khaled - nabulsi/el-shab-hussein, northgazaupdates, 90-ghost, vetted gaza fundraiser list #279 - last posted 4 days ago

campaign

$44,176 raised, $70K goal, [63%], 1 hr ago, 12 mins ago

ahmadfamely3 - el-shab-hussein/nabulsi #167, dlxxv-vetted-donations (messenger) - last posted yesterday

campaign

$3,436 raised, $20K goal, [17%], 23 hrs ago, 4 hrs ago

mohaead - unvetted - last posted 16 days ago

campaign

€1,222 raised, €35K goal, [3%], 1 month ago, 21 days ago

massagaza - 90-ghost - last posted a month ago

campaign

€988 raised, €45K goal, [2%], 3 days ago, 11 hrs ago

[oceangirl24]

Find the word…Red and Blue edition! (And a quick update)

IRL hasn't relented much yet and I'm still struggling to find the energy to write so the next update will likely take another 7-8 weeks to get out. Hopefully not. Hopefully the ongoing situation in my neighborhood will be resolved before then.

I was able to get in a little drawing (see the new Aud sketch above). Yay! 🎉

Also my favorite niece, @axolotlsupremacyowo, tagged me in her new Find the Word game.

Here we go!

Words for me:

Sky, Ocean, Blueberry, Sapphire, Denim

Words for you:

Ruby, Ladybug, Cardinal, Holly, Bricks

Tagging: @stealing-your-kittens @the-orion-scribe @winterlovesong1 @justanotherpersonwhowrites @violetrose-art

Open tag too if you'd like to join the fun.

Also if you want to be tagged, let me know and I'll add you. If you did, let me know and I missed you, throw something at me. It's been awhile since I've done these. 😅

Sky

Another flash of lightning cracked through the sky. As the thunder subsided, the doorbell rang. Cautiously, Shawn approached the front door. He pushed the curtain of the narrow window to the right of the door to the side just enough so he could see out. It was dark. The porch lamps were no match against the stormy night; darkness swallowed any light they cast.

Lightning tore through the sky once again. In its radiance, he could see the shadow of the Boogeyman at his door.

-Saudade: Preparations

Ocean

Shawn started to move again-this time he ran. As he did, thoughts of his father's drunken fits chased him. He swore he could hear Chet roaring in fury just behind him. He panicked and raced faster, desperate to get to the safety of the apartment and Jon. But memories of his father pursued him. The taunts and the insults echoed like the bellowing of the ocean in his ears reminding him of how worthless he was, how useless, how much easier life would be without him. He felt the sharp, painful sting of an open palm against his cheek.

-The Return: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Blueberry

With the mood dampened, Shawn and Julia busied themselves by going over the menu. Certain foods were off limits due to Audrey's altered taste thanks to her pregnancy. Bacon was an absolute no-go as the smell exacerbated her all-day sickness.

Instead of bacon, Julia made sausage patties the way Audrey taught her to make them from scratch while Shawn made blueberry pancakes the way she had taught him.

As he dropped pancake batter on the skillet, he glanced at his sister and asked, "How old were you when Mom taught you to cook?"

-Saudade: "I Never Sang for My Father"

No sapphire. 🤔

Denim

Audrey looked so frail and young and even more so next to guys like Harley Kiner, who had also taken a liking to her. If it had been up to Jonathan, he would have assigned her to a class at the elementary school. It was easy to picture her in a denim jumper with her hair tied back at the nape of her neck surrounded by kids who no doubt would brighten to see her each day.

-Autumn in Philadephia: Cory and Shawn's Miracle Soap

[shaiyasstuff]

Aww thanks for the tag, sweetie😭🫶🏻

Sksksk I had real trouble picking out my favs but here;

wilted promises | sylus angst

The boy who once promised to protect you is now a man of cold silences and sharp words. As you stand among the ruins of what once was, you wonder—was it ever truly love, or just the fleeting illusion of it?

intimacy | rafayel fluff

You and Rafayel have been dating for almost a year. He’s the perfect man for you, sweet, caring, a little aloof but he’s also very good at making you safe. However, he’s never initiated contact with you beyond just a kiss. One girl talk later, you find yourself wondering if it was time to give it a try.

pit-a-pat | zayne angst

He was never really yours. Not when she existed.

delayed beginnings | sylus fluff

You and Sylus have spent years as strangers in an arranged marriage, living separate lives without much thought for each other. But when he unexpectedly shows up at your doorstep, the distance between you starts to blur. Through late-night conversations, playful banter, and quiet moments in your art room, the tension shifts into something else—something almost easy. As the walls of duty and indifference begin to crack, one question lingers: in a marriage neither of you chose, is there a chance for something real?

sapere aude | sylus angst

He promised to protect you. But guilt doesn’t protect. It confuses the living for the dead—and love for something far more dangerous.

i am tagging : @blessdunrest @aeyumicore @ryusjwks @leighsartworks216 @humanjarvis

@unknown-ends thanks for the tag again love❤️

fic authors self rec! reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love!

thank you for tagging me @mangostarjam 🩷

is it casual now? (hinata shoyo)

notes: probably my favorite shoyo fic I've written, there's just so much of how I imagine him to be in this one and idk I just love the charming, flirty, kind, slightly possessive picture of him I painted here

surreal, but nice (miya osamu)

notes: I wrote it for bloomy's romcom collab and it was sooo much fun to put osamu in a notting hill setting! I still wanna write a part 2 really bad

like real people do (itoshi rin)

notes: I'm really happy with how the dialogue/dynamic in this one turned out, I got to balance sincere love, angst, complicated sibling relationships and hopefully gave rin a break lmao

et nunc et semper (aiku oliver)

notes: ancient rome au is so special to me! I also really love the dialogue, settings and dynamics in this one. I thought no one would be interested enough to read it but everyone has been so immensely nice

should've known better (rengoku kyojuro)

notes: hurt quite a lot of people with this one, sorry! I still adore it

rain is bad luck (shinazugawa sanemi)

notes: my first tumblr fic!!! also first fic I wrote in english :')

all eyes on you my magician (jjk various characters) (dark content)

notes: the secret history au my beloved!!! dark academia my most beloved!!!!! I love this one so much despite the heavy content, this fic probably has my favorite gojo

no pressure tags: any writer who wants to join + @strawberrystepmom, @nagumoan, @heavenlyakin, @tohruies, @lvmimis, @kweenkatsuki-fics, @gojoest, @yuujispinkhair, @ms0milk, @comatosebunny09, @chimielie

[blue-disco-lights]

Tag Game Tuesday

I was tagged by these lovely lovely people - @celestialmickey @lingy910y @energievie @shinygalaxyperson @creepkinginc and @mmmichyyy - thank you!

✨✨✨✨

name: Julia

your birthday: April 24

where in the world are you? City by the Bay 🌉

when did you join tumblr? Last year!

do you have any sideblogs? No

mobile or desktop? Both (because the FOMO)

your perfect sleeping conditions: a bunch of perfectly-positioned pillows, those sheets that only spas are allowed to use i have no idea where to find those in real life, phone nearby on the nightstand so i can read in the morning 

a movie you think everyone should see at least once: it’s not the genre i normally love, but the first movie that comes to mind is “The Shining”  ... but may I also recommend "Grease"?

what shoes do you wear the most often? black vans (which have replaced black converse)

find the book closest to you. turn to page 7. what’s the 7th word? Vienna’s

describe your keys to me: they absolutely MUST be color-coded or i will never open the door, those are attached to my car key, which is attached to a little library card keychain. I used to have this keychain that looked like a turntable, and when you pressed the button, it would sound like a record scratching. I need to find that again.

what’s your favorite snack? Dried mangos from Trader Joe’s. If those are not available, chocolate-covered almonds

one of your aspirations: i’d love to learn sign language one day

and finally, tell me a random fact about yourself: i tried to teach myself how to read tarot cards a couple of years ago, but got frustrated because i couldn’t memorize each card’s meaning… but it was a fun endeavor for a bit and i really love tarot deck art 

✨✨✨✨

and a Picrew - my fave way to relax on my phone when I'm not making A.U.gust moodboards for @gallavichthings or writing @galladrabbles 💕

I wanted to tag a whole lot of you today because I love all your posts, drabbles, art, stories, giftsets, and meta discussions - you all really make my day! no pressure to play if you'd like to ... 🪄 to:

@gardenerian @thisdivorce  @gallawitchxx @callivich @palepinkgoat @suzy-queued @deedala @sam-loves-seb @starcrossedsoulmates84 @sickness-health-all-that-shit @francesrose3 @bawlbrayker @ardent-fox @too-schoolforcool  @stocious @mikhailoisbaby @ian-galagher  @flamingbluepanda @lupeloto @heymrspatel @squidyyy23, @transmickey, @scurvgirl, @takeyourpillsbitchh, @thepupperino @look-i-love-u,  @harrowhark-a-vagrant, @michellemisfit, @deathclassic, @sleepyfacetoughguy, @lizelandre, @rereadanon, @auds-and-evens, @xninetiestrendx, @arrowflier @vintagelacerosette @grossmickey @metalheadmickey @loftec @howlinchickhowl @mishervellous @grumble-fish @crossmydna @captainjowl @tanktopgallavich @stocious @krystallouhoo @jadepetals @sisitrip @gembu-tortuesouscafeine @gillyp @gallabitch73 @mickeyheartian @mybrainismelted @sweetbee78 @depressedstressedlemonzest @rayrayor @silvanshadow @ms-moonlight-inn @golden28s

[zeenmrala]

━ Shaak Ti x Avona Teller

I commissioned the wonderful @audpaints to bring my Jedi OC Avona Teller to life alongside Jedi Master Shaak Ti. I love this piece so much. The way they are looking at one another, the comfort and fondness in their eyes. It's perfect for them. Thank you so much again Aud, your art is wonderful. You can commission this fantastic artist here.

If you are a reader of my fanfiction, you may recognise Avona. She was my first Star Wars OC, and features briefly in my Darth Maul x Reader fic By The Light Of The Second Moon. I couldn't let her go once her part in that story was complete, and now she has her own story that I'm slowly working on, which explores the restraints and dynamics of young wlw relationships in religious and educational institutions.

Here is a little snippet of that piece, which I think fits this post quite well:

The Cosmic Light

Avona was a celestial object in orbit. She was a planet endlessly circling around her star, and by the laws of physics and life itself, was never able to collide with the centre of her galaxy.

Never able to touch her.

She could vividly recall the days before the orbit, before the pair were wrenched into an infinite dance by the powers of the universe: the short wonder of their shared girlhood. As younglings, Avona Teller and Shaak Ti would hold hands, play games and tell stories of the stars side by side. As they grew into Padawans they would spar, grapple, wrestle. Assisting one another in their tasks and assignments, helping each other with the skills that each of them struggled with. They would traverse the vast corridors of their elegant and ancient temple home side by side. They shared their hopes, dreams, worries and struggles. The sounds of despair, laughter, frustration, and joy would echo frequently in their chambers.

When they blossomed into young adulthood, the two young women found themselves drawn together in a much more intimate sense. They attempted to confront and withstand their physical needs, but were ultimately unable to resist their desires. They explored their bodies until they were experts in every inch of each other. They spent every waking and restful moment together, eating, meditating, studying. Avona knew Shaak Ti's hands as she knew her own, knew her breaths as though they were exhaled from her own lungs. She knew before she spoke the words that would fall from her soft, pale lips. She knew her in the Force, felt each shimmering spark of her lifeforce, each hue of the richness of her colours.

But then came the trials, the oath of the Jedi and the vow to the Republic. To serve as a Jedi Knight is to live a life of neutrality and peacekeeping, an existence void of attachment. A life that did not align with what they had found in each other. In knighthood, they made a sacred promise to the Force, but also to themselves. In ascending the ranks of the Jedi Order, they would forsake their connection and would sacrifice the bliss that they had found in one another's arms.

The evening before the ancient ritual, the two young women swore never again to you connect skin to skin. For the power of their touch was much too great to bear. The sweet warmth between them was a risk for their future paths. Now that they were to be knighted, and wholly dedicated to the Force and to the Republic, their attachment had to be severed.

And so, the orbit began.

-

Tagging incase of interest (feel free to ignore): @stardustbee @kimageddon @elledjarin @seriowan @the-chains-are-the-easy-part @sinisterexaggerator @gen-has-green-vibes @justalittletomato @lune-de-miel-au-paradis @herbalinz-of-yesteryear @frogunderarock @dukeoftheblackstar @pumpkinmischief

[heymacy]

hello little stars ✨ and welcome back to Tag Game Tuesday!

name: space mace 🪐

sun sign: cancer 🦀

what day of the week were you born? wednesday and yes, i’m full of woe 😭

first app you open in the morning: discord 🥰

last song you listened to: “Backwards Directions” by Abby Sage 🎶

what type of phone do you have? iPhone 11 and i’m gonna be buried with it

something you’d like to learn how to do: i wish i could crochet/knit so badly but i’m just not built like that 🧶

art gallery or history museum? art gallery, oh my god, by a mile. “take me to the art museum, kiss me by the paintings” 🥺

your least favorite chore: i will fall on a grenade before i’ll sweep hardwood floors 🧹

do you believe in fate? the romantic in me says yes, the realist in me says that our choices make our fate. the realist usually wins!

if offered immortality, would you take it? FUCK no

how are you feeling right now? physically? tired as hell! mentally? ready to reorganize my entire life! 🧠⚡️

finally, tell me something you’re looking forward to: seeing my pals again this summer! ☀️ (also buying an A/C for our apartment this afternoon, thank fucking god)

i’m tagging @gardenerian, @iansfreckles, @ewanroys, @metalheadmickey, @heymrspatel, @whatwouldmickeydo, @gallawitchxx, @whatthebodygraspsnot, @sleepyfacetoughguy, @7x10mickey, @sickness-health-all-that-shit, @howlinchickhowl, @you-are-so-much-better-than-that, @squidyyy23, @thisdivorce, @vintagelacerosette, @y0itsbri, @xninetiestrendx, @palepinkgoat, @crossmydna, @mishervellous, @creepkinginc, @captainjowl, @shameless-notashamed, @deathclassic, @tectonicduck, @ardent-fox, @arrowflier, @callivich, @rereadanon, @energievie, @auds-and-evens, & @deedala 💫

[ana-bananya]

$531/680 AUD

Only one donation in the last 3 days

Tagging again for reach. Please share if you see this. Thank you

@codaynamics @chromaticpotato

@neon-draws-sometimes @humanmorph @knightpunks

@ziispurple @livereater002 @a-brand-new-girl @yakofalltrades

@cephalomorph @5c0l0p3ndr4 @tolbachik @disabled-battlekukku

@the-internet-sage @damiel-of-real @pumakaji64

@zuuz-dot-chr-exe @avxx @gamb0fficial

@bisexuel @selflovejolteon @thecolorsfucked

@beefbologna @revon-aurora-borealis @kh0ng @555cat

@lil-mf @rob-os-17 @operationladybug

@imstupidandidiotagain @stonedust4 @devontae @creed-of-cats

@wolf-tail @selamat-linting @ultravioletlesbian @blvvdyindustries

@fagdykemuppet @ohlorde @theundeadmemelord

@pretty-little-martyr @letters-toayoungpoet @soobs-posts

@wayhavenots @houseofpurplestars @lightning-in-your-teeth

@venusssssssssss @punk-sun @lightningcritter

@donedidsomething @spadesandstars @fooolisher

Urgent relocation for the Balla family!

Current progress: $381/680 AUD

Vetting information: shared by Sara (bsonblast) and was promoted by Jin (jinforjustice) on ig

Adel Balla and his family were displaced from their home in Khartoum and are now trapped in Omdurman, where their situation has become dire. They live under intense shelling in the crossfire of the SAF and RSF with limited access to electricity, food, and water. They have been trying to gather the resources to afford travel to relocate to a safer area since late January, but they still do not have the funds they need.

$299 is needed to achieve the short term goal for their relocation. Please share and donate if you can so they can finally get someplace safer. The family's campaign has been stagnant for 4 days now, and that is time they do not have.

Tagging for reach. Please share if you see this. Thank you

@dirhwangdaseul @postanagramgenerator @tamamita @toesuckingoctober

@omegaversereloaded @vague-humanoid @charlott2n @paper-mario-wiki @nabulsi @punkitt-is-here

@daily-click-reminders @strangeauthor @dailyquests

@womenintheirwebs @aimasup @rickybabyboy @certifiedsexed

@halorvic @meshugenist @khargooshe @velvetys @hunzi

@commissions4aid-international @toiletpotato @fromjannah @ankle-beez @lonniemachin @socalgal @chilewithcarnage @spindly-counting @readingsquotes @bellybuttonblue2

@bees-fart-too @andiv3r-reblogging @ambidextrousarcher @fresh-bed-old-sheets

@starless-gaze @esperantokomencanto @thinking-about-giraffes

@cripsycremecuckery @mercurysreal

@hal-your-pal @nevermore-was-here @imjustli @cheesey-rice

@mai-monnie @nightydraws @mysteryvhs @theothergal @mere-glim

@salty-mush-soup @illiterate-words @mindfulruminate

@sunset-synthetica @mothprincess @evilponds @mothgirlthing @chilisaws

@jinnazah @pomodoko @theygender