#thanks! sorry this answer rambles so much

[nadvs]

hard to ignore (two-shot) (part two)

pairing singledad! zach maclaren x nanny! female reader

summary when you’re offered a job as a nanny, you can tell right away that you’ll grow fond of the little girl you’re taking care of. things are easy to manage until you realize you’re falling for her dad.

content warning parental abandonment

» part one

» masterlist

Zach gets you and his daughter box seats for his next home game.

It happens to be on your first day back at work after his family leaves and he jokes that sooner is better than later, not only because his team might get knocked out of the playoffs, but also because Ella could change her mind about wanting to come.

The private space overlooking the stadium is small, only a handful of other people there, as the late afternoon sun shines over the rich green field.

You learned that Zach is a major league soccer player minutes into meeting him. You knew he had an unusual life and a certain level of notoriety as a professional athlete. But seeing the crowds filling the seats below you makes it real to you.

The music and the announcer’s voice boom through the stadium, fireworks going off as players rush the field. All this craziness doesn’t match the man you know. Zach is kind and humble and beneath his silly sense of humor, he has a gentleness to him that you’d never expect from someone whose last name is sprawled over fans’ jerseys, who’s getting cheered for so loudly that it’s deafening.

Ella excitedly claps when her father appears on the stadium screen, his face hard as he jogs under the bright lights. You gaze ahead in awe, unable to believe that this is the world he lives in when he’s not at the house, running around with his daughter, thanking you for everything you do.

After the game ends in a draw, you take Ella home in time for dinner. As you drive, wipers cleaning away the drizzle that just started to fall, she excitedly rambles about the experience from the backseat. You smile to yourself, glad that she enjoyed herself and proud that you’re the reason she went.

As usual, Ella slips out of her chair with a mouthful of food when she hears the front door open halfway into dinner. You watch her dart out of the dining room, listening to the huff Zach lets out every time his daughter roughly launches herself into his arms.

“That was so cool!” you overhear.

“Really?” he says. “You didn’t get bored?”

“Um, it was kind of too long,” she says, “but I had pictures to color.”

“Appreciate your honesty,” Zach replies with a laugh.

They round the corner to enter the dining room and when Zach’s eyes land on you, your heart does a somersault.

“Hey,” he says to you, nervous.

“Hi,” you reply. “Thanks for the fancy seats.”

“They were alright?”

“Good enough for two princesses,” you tease.

“Princess ballerinas,” Ella corrects you as she sits down again.

“Right,” you say. “Sorry. I keep forgetting that we’re princess ballerinas now.”

Zach mirrors your smile, loving the feeling of sharing a moment like this with you. You stand to clean your plate and it reminds him of what his mother said a couple of nights ago. That you look at him the same way he looks at you.

He hopes that it’s true, because he can’t take his eyes off of you. He’s a little embarrassed that you saw him in a match. He’s always loved soccer, but he never liked how much attention is on him as a major league player.

“Maybe you should wait out the rain,” Zach says to you. “It started coming down hard on my drive home.”

“Good idea,” you say, happy to spend more time with him.

The rest of dinner consists of Ella happily chattering with you and Zach. As she clears her plate, Zach’s phone buzzes on the table top. His lips purse in worry at the notification, and then he shows you the severe thunderstorm warning message on his screen.

“That looks bad,” you say. “How long is it supposed to go on for?”

“It says into the early morning,” Zach answers. “Do you want to crash here?”

“I’m sure I could make it home,” you say. “I’ll just drive slowly.”

Zach’s lips part, and then he closes his mouth, simply nodding.

“What?” you chuckle. His eyes dart away.

“Just worried about you,” he admits. You huff an endeared laugh.

“Fine. I’ll sleep here,” you decide.

He sighs a breath of relief and says, “Thanks.”

Zach takes Ella to bed and you settle on the couch, glad you already have everything you’ll need in your overnight bag in the guest room. You eventually hear his footsteps coming down the stairs over the sounds of the television and the rain hammering down on the roof.

He sits on the other end of the couch next to you, so far that a person could easily sit between you. It’s typical Zach, never getting too close to you. The only time he’s ever touched you is when he shook your hand before your interview half a year ago.

“She fell asleep while I was explaining what offside means,” he says with an adorably puzzled expression. “Trying not to be offended.”

“I can’t believe she’s actually interested in soccer,” you say.

“Ouch.” Zach puts his hand over his heart. “Okay, I’m offended now.”

“I mean because you said she never cared before,” you laugh.

“I asked her so many times if she’d want to come to a game,” he huffs. “But you suggest it once and she’s immediately in. She always listens to you.”

“Not when I’m trying to convince her to leave the park,” you say. He chuckles. “Can you believe she’s starting kindergarten soon?”

Admittedly, Zach’s concerned about it. In less than a month, Ella will be going to school and he never was one to have much anxiety before he became a father, but all he does now is worry. He doesn’t want any teachers or kids to be harsh with his little girl. She’s already been through enough.

“She’ll be okay,” you say.

“What?”

“You have that worried look on your face,” you tell him. “She’ll love school. I’m sure of it.”

“You can read me pretty well,” he says, smiling. You shrug timidly, thinking back to how quickly he’d noticed something was bothering you on the night of Ella’s birthday.

“What?” he asks.

“It goes both ways,” you admit. “You saw right through me after the party.”

Zach’s jaw tightens, the playfulness between you replaced by a fragile air. He takes a breath before speaking. He knows he needs to have this conversation with you.

“Do you feel better about what she said?” he asks.

“Yeah,” you reply. Now that you’ve had some time to process, you’re okay. “How about you?”

“Well,” he begins, nerves tightening in his stomach, “it wasn’t easy to hear. Ella shouldn’t have to wish she had a different mom. Jade should be here for her.”

He’s never said her name. He’s never looked like this before, his eyes avoiding yours, hand trembling a bit as he scratches his jaw. You can tell this is hard for him to talk about. But he’s choosing to do it with you.

“You said ex-wife that night, but she was never my wife,” Zach admits.

“Oh. Sorry. I just assumed.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I know I haven’t told you much. When we talked that night, it reminded me of just how much you don’t know about it. I just… I hope you know that you’re… you’re so much more than Ella’s nanny. You’re our friend. And you’re obviously a mother figure to her. And it feels weird that you don’t know what happened.”

His words sink into you, every syllable having an effect on your heartbeat.

“What happened?”

“Ella was a surprise,” he tells you. “Jade and I were dating in our senior year of college when we found out she was pregnant. And then I got drafted into the league and we graduated and everything was happening so fast, but we were happy and… I stayed happy and she didn’t.”

You nibble on your bottom lip, looking at him as his eyes stay trained off of yours.

“We broke up a few months after Ella was born. But we were both sure we could handle co-parenting. She stayed at home while I worked. I could see she didn’t like it, though. She wasn’t a bad mother or anything. She just wasn’t very… affectionate with Ella.”

Your chest tightens. It’s painful to imagine Ella wanting love and not getting it.

“I don’t know. I thought she’d eventually feel how I feel about being a parent. I tried everything,” Zach says, remembering how he’d encouraged Jade to go to therapy or take time away or work while they hired help. It was like she was stuck in her unhappiness. “But then she left and… that was it.”

He finally looks at you and the tenderness in your eyes gives him a breath of fresh air. It’s what you do. Just by being you, you give him the push to stay hopeful that he and his daughter will be okay.

“We weren’t in a good place when you came. But you made things so much better,” he says. “You do an amazing job taking care of her. I really appreciate it.”

Your eyes light up, the smile on your face gentle.

“Thank you for saying that,” you say. “And thank you for telling me the full story. I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

Zach sighs now that the weight of reliving it is gone.

“I really do love her. I meant it when I said it.” At this point, you’re sure you love him, too, but you wouldn’t dare say it out loud. “And I feel lucky to get to watch her grow up. This doesn’t even feel like a job to me anymore.”

“So, what I’m hearing is, you don’t want the pay?” he says. You find relief in his joke, tossing your head back with a laugh. “Seriously, though, let me know if you need me to keep things the same while you’re part-time during the school year. I don’t mind.”

“Wait, are you offering to pay me for hours I’m not even working?” you chuckle. “Zach, no. I’m good. I have other things lined up. But thank you.”

“What? Everyone knows you should always accept free money.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you say. “How do you even have the energy to joke around right now? I just watched you run around for ninety minutes.”

Like always, Zach blushes when you bring up his job. He’s intense and focused on the pitch, but he’s different when he’s at ease at home.

“There’s a break in the middle,” he replies.

“I stand corrected,” you say. “So, how’d you get into soccer?”

Your conversation quickly and easily drifts into topics you hadn’t explored before, the storm raging outside as you learn more about him and he learns more about you. He’s still on the other end of the couch, but soon, his arm is resting against the back of it, his hand inches away from you as you sink into the soft cushions, beaming at each other as you talk.

You don’t want to stop, but eventually you can’t stifle your yawn, prompting Zach to check his watch.

“Jeez,” he says. “Ella went down three hours ago.”

“Are you serious?” You sit up. “That flew by.”

Zach knew that the more he learned about you, the more of a goner he’d be. It feels like he just went on the best date of his life and all he did was sit on his couch and talk.

There’s something between you and he hopes that it’s not just his infatuation misguiding him.

────୨ৎ────

You were right. He had nothing to worry about. Ella’s more than happy at school. It’s only a week into the year and she’s already naming all her new friends when Zach picks her up Friday afternoon.

Her first dance recital is tonight and he’s looking forward to seeing you and his family there. Ella had even mentioned that her other grandparents could come. They were elated to get the invitation.

And of course, when he arrives at the studio that evening, you’re already there, reliable and steady like you always are. You greet him and his family warmly and introduce yourself to Jade’s parents.

It feels wrong to hear you refer to yourself as Ella’s nanny. You’ve been in his life for eight months now and you’ve nestled your way into his soul so deeply that he knows you’ll stay with him forever.

He’s been grappling with this since he first realized he had feelings for you; this bothersome sense of wrong. He can’t pursue you. Technically, no matter how much it doesn’t feel like it, he is your boss. He pays you to take care of his child. If things went sideways, it could push you to leave.

Although he’s never felt this much love for a woman in his life, it’d be selfish. He can’t do it to Ella. He didn’t even want to date other women when Jade was still around simply because it could confuse his daughter.

But you’re different.

His thoughts are interrupted when you look at him, pulling him out of his haze.

“I saved us seats,” you tell him.

Zach’s sitting between you and his father when the recital starts. Eventually, Ella drifts across the middle of the floor between the other dancers.

“This is the part she’s nervous about,” you whisper to him, recalling how she’d told you that this part in the choreography makes her trip sometimes.

You watch her hop sideways, focused as the music grows faster. You’re so on edge that you don’t realize your hand slips into Zach’s, squeezing nervously. She lands her last skip and rejoins the group. You let out a sigh of relief. Then, you look down, seeing your fingers wrapped around Zach’s.

“Sorry,” you say, trying to laugh it off as you pull your hand back. “I think I’m taking a five-year-old’s dance recital a little too seriously.”

Zach can only offer a tight smile. His team’s inching closer to advancing to the championship semi-finals and the pressure has never been heavier, but even that hasn’t affected him like the tension he’s feeling right now. His whole body is on fire from your touch, and it won’t go away.

When the recital comes to an end, Zach leans closer to you to murmur over the applause surrounding you.

“You going out to dinner with us?” he asks.

“Do I have to?” you quip.

“What, you got a date or something?” He worries that the joke was too much. Too flirty.

But you laugh and say, “I haven’t had a date or something in forever. Yeah, I’ll come.” Although it’s hard to believe that a woman like you is single, he’s glad you are.

The eight of you sit in the busy restaurant, making conversation. As Zach expected, Ella insisted she sit next to you. You have endless patience for her, listening to her talk, answering her questions, letting her pick off your plate. He would move mountains for his child. He can tell you’d do the same.

Zach picks up the bill and you all say your goodbyes to Jade’s parents, who insisted they didn’t need to stay the night. Before you head out, you tell his family it was nice to see them again. He can tell you’re a little surprised when his mother pulls you in for a hug, but you kindly return it.

Connie obviously appreciates everything you’ve done for her son and granddaughter. Zach tries not to daydream too much, but he likes imagining being your boyfriend and telling you that his mom called that you’d become something one day.

When you say bye to Zach, your gazes meet like you’ve been waiting for a private moment for ages. Things changed on the night you stayed over. You went from friends to a gray area of something more, neither of you acting on it but knowing it’s there.

Only an hour after Ella falls asleep, Zach’s parents and sister turn in for the night, tired from their drive in. Zach is too wired, silently sitting in his living room, his tea not having its usual effect of soothing him.

He goes through his camera roll, wishing he could go for a drive to relax, but not wanting to leave his daughter in case she needs him. He stares at a photo his mother took of you and him and Ella earlier tonight after the recital, Ella’s hair frizzy from all the jumping around she did.

His smile is wide and so is yours and you look like more than just someone he hired to help take care of his daughter. You look like a family.

He opens your conversation and sends you the photo. It’s nearing 10 p.m. and he’s not sure if you’re already asleep, but you respond a minute later: Aw I love this. Thanks :) How’s your night going?

Zach responds: Good… but everyone’s asleep and I’m still wide awake. Yours?

You reply: Is your tea not working?

He smiles to himself and texts back: Not this time.

You text: I’m kind of wired, too.

How come?

Not sure.

He replies with a joke: Could be Ella’s fault. I saw her eat a lot of your dinner. It’s probably hunger keeping you awake.

Once again, his mind drifts to the way your palm felt against the back of his hand tonight. Then, he hears a door open upstairs. In case it’s Ella, he quietly rushes up the stairs to run into his mom, who’s leaving the bathroom.

“Sorry,” he whispers when he startles her. “I thought Ella woke up and I didn’t want her to think I was gone.”

“I’m sure she’ll be deep asleep until the morning,” Connie says. She notices he’s still in the clothes he wore to the recital. “Can’t sleep?”

“No,” he chuckles. “I’d go for a drive, but I–”

“If she wakes up, I’m here and if she needs you, I’ll call. Go. You need to take care of yourself, too.”

“I’m fine.”

“Go for a drive,” his mother insists. “She’s okay. I promise.”

Zach considers it. With work and Ella and you, his mind has been sort of chaotic. A drive, even a short one, will give him some relief.

“Thanks,” he finally says, giving his mom a grateful smile.

The streetlights plunge him in and out of darkness as he drives through town. When he got in the car, the impulse to go see you seemed ridiculous. With every minute that passes, it feels less and less silly.

Zach eventually pulls over and looks at his phone, staring at the text message he sent you ten minutes ago. How could he even ask to come over without coming on too strong or crossing a boundary?

He’s not sure if he believed in signs from the universe before, but when you text him right when he’s considering if he should text you, he takes it as his answer.

Nothing is ever her fault. But now I’m having a midnight snack lol. Are you still awake?

He replies: Yes. Just driving around. Do you want company?

He’s nervous as he waits. But then you send him your address.

Minutes later, you open your door to gentle knocks, heart skipping when you see him. At this point, being apart from Zach is starting to hurt. You lied when you texted him. You know exactly why you’re wired. It’s because he won’t leave your mind.

“Hi,” he says, a pink hue on his cheeks. “Kind of crazy that you’ve been to my house a million times, but I have no idea what your place looks like.”

“Is that why you’re here?” you ask. “You need to see it that bad?”

“I think it’s what’s keeping me awake.”

You laugh, stepping back, inviting him in. Zach’s eyes travel over your apartment, taking in every little piece that you’ve put into it. Being here is more intimate than he expected. And then you shut the door behind him, thickening the tension, both of you now sharing complete privacy in a way you never have before.

“Is that an Ella original?” he says, pointing to a drawing stuck on your fridge.

“Yup. That’s me and her and the castle we live in,” you tell him. You lead him into the kitchen as you gaze at the bright crayon marking the paper. “And that’s her horse. She was very adamant about it being her horse. But I can pet it if I ask nicely.”

He laughs and gazes at the drawing, touched that you’d keep something his daughter made up on display. Even when you’re not at the house, you want to be reminded of her.

“Where am I?” he asks in mock offense.

“I’m sure she meant to include you, but the horse took up too much space,” you explain, looking over your shoulder up at him. He’s inches away from you, towering above you. You’re so close to him that you can see the stubble growing over his jaw.

“The tutus are a nice touch,” he says, pointing to the pink skirts drawn on both of you. You laugh and turn to face him all the way. You clear your throat, smitten that he’s really here.

“She was great tonight, huh?” you ask.

“She was.” Zach’s smile is bright, the same way it always is whenever he talks about her. “And she wanted all the grandparents there.”

“I think that’s progress.”

“Me, too.” He exhales. “It was an almost perfect night.”

“Almost?”

“My hand still hurts,” he mumbles, face pinching as he looks down at his hand.

“Listen…” you say with a bashful smile. “I’m sorry, okay? I was stressed.” Zach laughs and it takes everything in him not to hug you. “Was it really that bad?”

“So bad,” he teases, flexing his hand. “You’re too reckless.”

“Reckless? Is that what you think of me?”

Zach cocks his head, staring down at you with a look that burns through you, and soberly says, “No. It’s not.”

His gaze drifts over your face, taking you in slowly. You think back to the first time you saw those eyes, sad and distant. Comparing the way he looked that morning to how he’s gazing at you right now is like comparing black and white.

The light atmosphere has quickly been replaced by a somberness hanging over both of you. Your heart is thumping against your chest. Hard.

“What, then?” you ask.

How can he even find the words to describe how you make him feel? You fit perfectly in every way. You settled into his life like there was always a place waiting just for you. Even tonight, when you grabbed his hand for only a moment, it felt like he was born to be touched by you.

You’ve brought light to his life. He always looked forward to coming home to his daughter, and now he looks forward to coming home to you, too. And having to continue to live like this, acting like his heart isn’t completely yours, is torture.

“I think you’re…” Zach’s tone is low, lids dropping as he looks at your lips before he speaks again. “Perfect.”

Your breath catches. You’ve been able to keep yourself away from him for what feels like ages. You’re not sure you’ll have the strength for much longer. This is the moment where everything can change. You know you both feel it.

“Should I not be here?” he says quietly.

It’s his way of making sure you’re okay. That you want him to be here as badly as he wants to be here. That even though maybe this shouldn’t be happening, you have faith that it will only bring you both joy, and you don’t need to consider the risks because you’ll never have to face them.

He looks so painfully unsure that you long to comfort him. Your hand finds his and he laces his warm fingers between yours the instant he feels you. He exhales slowly, never having felt so vulnerable before.

Too much is on the line. He’s only thinking of himself right now. He shouldn’t have come here, he shouldn’t have given in, he shouldn’t have–

“Stay,” you whisper. Your simple word untangles the knot in his chest. You step closer to seal the distance that remains between you. His eyes finally drift back up to find yours.

“I can’t help how I feel about you,” Zach murmurs. “I don’t want to mess up how good things are, but I just…”

He trails off into silence, sighing shakily.

“I know,” you say. “Me, too.”

“Tell me to leave,” he says with a note of pity. You breathe a sad chuckle.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I want you here.”

Zach’s grip on your hand tightens, his heart feeling like it’s just been put together after being fractured for years. His lips part and while he doesn’t know how to say how much your words mean to him, he knows how to show it.

He leans closer, cupping your face, capturing your lips with a soft and impatient kiss. You dissolve into bliss, eyelids fluttering closed as his hot mouth presses against yours, head swimming, body buzzing.

You wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer, eyelashes overlapping as you kiss deeply, hungrily tasting each other in adoration. His arms circle around you and surround you in warmth.

He lets out a short, almost silent moan against your lips, relieved and assured and grateful that you want him this badly, too. Everything about this feels right. He’s where he’s supposed to be, standing here, kissing you, baring his soul.

You’re breathless when you eventually pull away, eyes slowly opening as he tilts to plant a lazy kiss on your forehead, thumbs stroking your cheeks.

“I kept telling myself that I can’t like you,” he says against your skin. “Do you have any idea how impossible that is?”

You exhale a contented sigh, afraid that you did actually doze off and that this is all just a dream.

“I think I do,” you reply.

Zach’s laugh is breathy, leaning back just enough to look at you. He’s in awe, his lips tender from pressing against yours, his knees weak as he holds your face in his hands. Now that he doesn’t have to hide it or force himself not to stare, he lets himself drown in your eyes.

He brushes his lips against yours again and you smile under the kiss, placing your palm over his hand.

“Is this the hand I hurt?” you tease, gently squeezing.

“Ow,” he playfully winces, making you laugh. You nuzzle your cheek against his palm and smile up at him.

“You sure you like me?” you say. He’s sure he loves you, but it’s too much, too soon to say at this moment. “You know you can’t afford any injuries right now.”

“Worth it,” Zach plays along.

“I keep wanting to ask you about work,” you say. He hasn’t spoken much about playoffs, but you did a little research on his team’s standings. “How has it been? Are you stressed?”

“Pressure’s on, but I’m fine,” he says simply. Your words won’t find you at first. It’s sort of unbelievable how he doesn’t ever flaunt his success, not even a little bit.

“That’s it?” you laugh.

“What?”

“Your team could go to the finals and you’re just fine?” you say.

“How’d you know that?” he says, his heart warming.

“Had to look it up. Not like you’ll tell me,” you quip, pulling away, his hands falling off of you. Zach chuckles, following you into your living room.

“Are we fighting already?” he asks.

“We won’t be if you tell me why you get all cute and shy whenever you talk about your job,” you say, settling on the couch.

He sits to face you, his knee bumping yours. You love that he’s as close as you want him to be, instead of keeping a distance like before. He finds your hands, holding them in his.

“Just a second,” Zach mumbles. “I need to process that you called me cute.”

You giggle, leaning forward to nuzzle against his chest.

“I’m serious,” you say, your voice muffled by his shirt. “We talk about my job all the time.”

“Oh, come on. Because we have to. That’s the whole deal.”

“Is it?”

Zach sighs, kissing the top of your head, loving the way your body slightly shakes with your laughter. You sit up again, looking down as you interlace your fingers with his, playing with his hands as you wait for him to speak.

“I love soccer,” he says, “but I never expected I’d be good enough to go pro. And somehow, I did and all the attention that comes with it is just… it’s not me. I’ve never been the loudest guy in the room. Never wanted to be.”

You nod. You could tell soon after meeting him that while he’s confident and loves to joke around, he’s not one to demand the spotlight.

“And now the more attention I get,” he continues, “the more people might want to know about me and I’d rather keep Ella safe and give her a normal life.”

He scratches his cheek, uncertainty flashing on his face.

“And… I’m not exactly proud that I’m not working a normal job. I’m always thinking that maybe it’d be better for Ella if I had a nine to five, but the pay is great and I can’t play forever, so I just want to save up as much as I can for her. Then I’ll find something more steady.”

You're sure you’ve never met a person this humble. It’s nice to know what goes on in his head after having wondered for so long.

“Will you still even need a nanny then?” you ask lightheartedly. Zach purses his lips as he nods.

“I will if she’s you.” You smile as he pulls you in, holding you as your cheek rests against his shoulder.

“I don’t think there’s anything that you shouldn’t be proud of,” you tell him. “You’re an amazing father.”

“You don’t know how nice it is to hear you say that,” he admits. The worries that he’s being selfish have been gnawing at him for a long time. He’s always concerned he’s making the wrong choices for his daughter.

“I think it every time I see you with her. I know you said she was a surprise, but you treat her like being her dad is all you’ve ever wanted.”

Zach leans to kiss your forehead over and over again, palm gently pressed on your cheek, like he’s making up for all the times he wanted to kiss you but couldn’t. You start to giggle under all the kisses, hugging him tighter.

“Speaking of,” you say, “I’m sure you’re thinking it, too, but we should keep acting like we’re just friends when we’re around our boss.”

He breathes a chuckle, nodding as he looks down at you lovingly.

“Yeah,” he murmurs. “We’ll take it slow. She’ll be so happy when we tell her.”

“You think so?” you say, your heart blooming from the certainty in his words, from the way he unabashedly intends on being with you and telling his daughter.

“She’s always asking me if I like you.” Truthfully, Ella asks if he loves you, but again, he doesn’t want to use that word until he’s sure you’re comfortable with it.

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah,” he says. “She actually asks if I like you yet. It’s like she knows it’s inevitable.”

You realize that the way you’re wrapped up in each other does feel like it was always inevitable. You know that your heart would never have been able to resist him. You’re glad he feels the same way about you.

────୨ৎ────

A week after the night in your apartment is the semi-final. You’re sitting in the living room playing with Ella with the game on in the background. She’s partly interested, whereas you can’t ignore the ball of nerves sitting deep in your stomach.

Zach’s been opening up more about his job when you get time alone, admitting that the pressure can give him tunnel-vision sometimes. You’ve taken on the workload as much as you can so that he’s not too stressed.

You’ve kept things the same when you’re around Ella and you’ve already determined that if she asks why you’re so invested in what’s on tv, you’ll simply say you grew an interest in soccer after the home game you both attended. But she’s too busy playing with clay to care.

The first half ends with no goals scored. You set up an afternoon snack for Ella, letting her help, your mind elsewhere as you imagine Zach in the locker room, wondering what his coach is telling him and what he’s thinking about at this moment.

Five minutes after half-time, the opponents score. Your heart sinks. Twenty minutes later, Zach scores. You have to stifle how loudly you want to cheer.

Then, the game goes to penalty shoot-outs. Zach had told you how much he hates when a game comes down to that. It’s a nail-biting few minutes, but Zach’s team wins, securing their spot in the finals. In his next game, his team could take the cup.

Right before dinner, you and Ella change into the jerseys you’d secretly bought a few days ago. Zach already told you that even if his team wants to celebrate a win together, he’d prefer to see you two, so you know he’s coming straight home.

He steps through the front door to see you in his team’s jerseys, rushing to give him a hug. Your arms are around his shoulders while Ella’s are around his hips, both of you excitedly cheering. Zach’s heart has never felt so full.

“So, I take it you watched it?” he mumbles into your hair, reveling in the familiar aroma of your shampoo. It takes everything in you not to kiss him when you pull back.

“You did amazing,” you tell him.

“Daddy, do cats ever come to your games?” Ella asks.

Zach looks at you, puzzled.

“There was a commercial with clips of animals crashing soccer games,” you explain, laughing. “It’s a valid question.”

“I haven’t seen any,” he tells her, kneeling to meet her eyeline. “But I hope we get one so I can tell you all about it.”

“Could we keep it?” she asks.

“If a cat comes onto our field and it doesn’t have an owner, sure, we can keep it,” he says. She jumps excitedly, then runs off to play. Zach stands up again, grinning at you.

“Don’t let her watch any more matches,” he says. “If a cat shows up, I’m done for.” You laugh, crossing your arms simply to keep yourself from touching him.

“Congratulations,” you say. “I know you don’t like the attention, but you deserve it.”

“Thanks.” He looks down at your jersey. “It looks great on you.”

“Yeah?” you ask, turning to show him the back. It’s his last name and number. He almost can’t believe this is really happening, that he met someone like you who cares about him this much.

“Better on you, I think,” you say.

“Impossible.”

You face him and he gazes at your lips in the way you know means he wants to kiss you. In the few private moments you’ve had since you confessed your feelings for each other, you’ve shared warm hugs and sweet kisses. You can’t wait until you don’t have to hide your love for him anymore.

“Dinner in twenty,��� you tell him. “I bet you worked up an appetite.”

Zach’s legs are heavy as he trudges up the stairs, partly from fatigue, but mostly because the last thing his body wants to do is be away from you.

────୨ৎ────

Zach’s family drives in to watch the championship game at the house. You weren’t all that nervous around them before, but now that you and Zach are privately dating, you’re eager to impress them.

He had mentioned to you that he hadn’t told them about you yet, but he’s hoping to the next time he sees them. He also told you how his mom had a suspicion about you two, which makes you hope you’re not too obvious.

It’s only been a couple of weeks since you decided to date, but every moment you get alone with Zach isn’t long enough. You knew he was kind-hearted, but now that he’s not holding back, he showers you with affection and compliments, reminding you of how much he appreciates you every day.

Just like it is with Zach, it’s easy with his family. You talk and snack and take turns playing with Ella while you watch the game. The game starts off as promising, but unfortunately, the final ends with a loss for his team.

“He did tell me they were kind of the underdogs,” you say to his family sadly, watching the screen. “I still think it’s great that he got this far.”

The stadium he’s playing in is hours away and he won’t be getting home until after midnight. You spend the rest of the evening with Zach’s family, wishing you could see him and give him a comforting hug.

When Zach gets to the locker room, dejected and disappointed, he checks his phone to see a text from you. I know it’s not how you wanted the season to end, but you played an amazing game. We’re all so proud of you, no matter what.

It’s ten minutes past midnight when you hear the front door open. You’ve been sitting in the kitchen, staying awake on your phone after everyone turned in for the night. You turn on the kettle you already filled with water and find Zach in the dim hallway, meeting his eyes with sympathy.

“You’re here,” he mumbles in surprise. You only close the distance, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and squeezing him tightly.

“Wanted to see you,” you whisper. “Are you okay?”

“I’ve had better days,” he admits, kissing your neck. “This feels good, though.”

“I’m making you some tea if you want it,” you tell him, “but if you’d rather go to bed, I get it.”

“Tea sounds good.” He pulls back, stroking your cheek. “You’re really proud of me? Even though I’m a total loser?”

You half-chuckle, nudging him.

“Never call yourself that again,” you say.

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll stop ‘accidentally’ making too much food,” you joke, earning a chuckle from him.

You settle in the kitchen, reminded of the first time you sat together like this all those months ago to plan Ella’s birthday party. Now she’s halfway to six years old, growing faster than you could have ever anticipated.

After you put the steaming mug of tea in front of him, Zach puts his hand over yours, squeezing.

“I tried to be positive but I saw it coming,” he admits to you. “They were the stronger team. We’ll just train harder and hopefully get them next year.”

“And I’ll be with you every step of the way,” you say. “Just don’t beat yourself up over this, okay? You’re not a loser.”

“Baby…” Zach breathes a chuckle. “Being with you makes me feel like I’m always winning. It sucks to get this far and to put so much work in just to lose, but knowing you and Ella are waiting for me at home… That's what my life is really about.”

You stare at him, awestruck, heart beating so hard that you can hear it in your ears.

“I love you,” he says. “I’m sorry if it’s too soon to say, but I’ve loved you for a long time.”

You bite your lip, giving into the urge to lean closer and kiss him. When you pull back, palm resting on his cheek, you smile.

“I love you, too,” you say. “It’s not too soon.”

“Phew. I was more nervous about telling you than I was about the game,” he says. You laugh, pinching his cheek.

“Stop being so cute,” you whisper.

“I can’t help it,” he quips. “I didn’t forget how you said you haven’t been on a date in forever. What do you think about tomorrow night? Ella will stay with my family and you and I can go out for dinner.”

“That sounds perfect,” you tell him. You chat a little longer before you head home.

When Zach tells his mother he’s taking you out for dinner the next morning, she’s overjoyed to hear that you’re an item now and throws in a few ‘I told you so’s. When the evening rolls around, he tells Ella he’s running some errands and instead drives to pick you up from your place.

Sitting across from you at a restaurant on a real date feels like a dream. He holds your hand on the table and nudges your knee with his every so often, unable to keep his hands off of you like usual. It’s like talking with a best friend, the conversation flowing so naturally that he refuses to believe he’s only known you for just shy of a year.

When he drives you home after dinner, you lose track of time kissing him goodnight.

────୨ৎ────

You and Zach had discussed that today would be the day. Now that you’ve been together for over eight months, he’s ready to tell Ella.

It’s a Saturday and Zach’s making lunch while you and Ella set the table. Long gone are the days of spending just a few minutes together, one of you arriving at the house while the other one gets ready to leave. The three of you are almost always a unit now, settled into a routine.

After lunch, you leave as planned so he can talk to her one-on-one. Zach finds Ella drawing on her bedroom floor after he says his goodbyes to you and knocks on her door.

“What are you drawing?” he asks.

She holds up the paper, three figures under the shining sun. When he asks if that’s you, him, and her, she happily nods.

Zach settles on the floor, watching the way she colors in the yellow sun, her legs kicking in the air. He’s seen a change in his child. There’s no doubt about it.

While she was always a happy kid, she’s grown to be much more expressive and affectionate since you stepped into their lives. You bring out the best in her. The best in him, too.

He tries to force down the tears that come up every time he looks at his daughter and thinks about what happened a year ago. She’s too small to have to know the pain of abandonment and betrayal. He pushes away the thought.

“I wanted to ask you something,” Zach says, clearing his throat.

“Do you want another bracelet?” she says.

Zach smirks, looking down at the beaded bracelet on his wrist that she made for him a few days ago. She made you a matching one that you always wear, too.

“Yeah, if you’re not too busy,” he says. “But that’s not it.”

He says it exactly as he rehearsed, telling her how happy you make him and asking if she’s okay with you being his girlfriend. When she grins up at him and asks if that means that you can move in with them, he chuckles, tears pricking his eyes.

Zach always felt like he needed to make up for the love Ella’s mother wasn’t giving her. Now, there’s nothing to make up for, nothing missing. He wishes the circumstances had been different, but he knows he’s lucky that he met you.

He was sure soon after he got to know you that his daughter would grow to love you. Deep down, he was sure that he would grow to love you, too.

────୨ৎ────

It’s past nine p.m. when Zach gets home from training. Now that he’s in the midst of playoffs again, he doesn’t get as much time at home anymore, but he takes it in stride.

When he can’t find you on the main floor, he tiptoes upstairs in case you’ve fallen asleep putting Ella to bed. Sure enough, she’s snuggled up next to you, both of you snoozing.

It’s been a month since he told her about your relationship and somehow, she’s grown to love you even more now that she knows you love her dad. Zach wonders if Ella can see how much happier he is these days. He tried to hide how empty he felt before, but maybe she caught on.

He’d rather not know. He’s rather not think about the past at all, really. Because right now, as he gazes into his daughter’s bedroom to see you hugging each other in your sleep, he knows he’s looking at his future.

(the end)

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[themistressdomme]

this may be a dumb question or someone may have already asked it but what do you or what would you do if someone called their safe word? like any specific after care?

Hi darling! I'm so sorry my answer is so late for this!

It is never a dumb question, hm?

What happens would depend on the type of safeword my sub used. Was it "yellow" (i.e., slow down/check in), or "red" (i.e., stop everything immediately)?

If it was the former, I'd pause, check in, see what the issue was. Too much? Too rough? Too hard? Need to adjust/reposition? Anything hurting the way it's not supposed to? Need a sip of water? After that's been rectified and we wanted to continue, the scene would go on again.

However, if it was "red", I'd stop immediately. I'd find out what the problem was - if there was a physical problem, we'd fix it. If it was anything else, like they didn't feel like it anymore, or any reason, really, I'd first and foremost tell them that it's okay. "Thank you for using your safeword, angel, I'm so proud of you."

I've seen that some subs find it difficult to use their safeword and it takes a lot for them to use it, because they think that they're "disappointing" me if they call red. So I like to reassure them, thank them for being honest with me, and remind them that it's the good communication and honesty within a scene that makes me trust them even more.

Then, we'd do whatever the sub needs in form of aftercare. A lot of cuddling and snuggles, tiny forehead kisses, whispering words of affirmation and praise. A lot of physical contact - my hands caressing, stroking, tracing, soothing. Do you need hydration? Something to nibble on? A bath or shower together? Shall I play with your hair whilst holding you close to me? Do you want me to put on a comforting movie of yours?

Aftercare is an essential, whether the scene came to an end organically, or a safeword was used. Aftercare can also look different depending on the person you're with! Some might not want physical contact, some might not want you to speak much. It's all about personal preference :))

I hope you could make sense of my ramble! x

[ssentimentals]

Hiii sorry I’m the anon that requested prompt 33 and 39. I would like to request the soft prompt plsssss

THANK YOUUUU<333

no worries at all, this was about wonwoo, right? god i hope this was about wonwoo, there are so many requests i think i missed it :( thank you for requesting, hopefully you will like it! 💜

fluff prompt: 'you ramble and it's adorable.' 'should i stop talking?' 'don't, your voice is very soothing.'

'what..is this?' you ask, pausing at the doors. 'woo?'

wonwoo gets shy for a second, chewing his bottom lip and looking at the mess he made. well, it's an artsy mess, mess that is meant to be comfortable for you and him for your movie night. he tried to choose your favorite blankets and bought all of your favorite snacks; pulling everything together on the floor of your living room proved to be an unexpectedly difficult task, because he had no idea how to make it look pretty. even right now, he's not fully satisfied with an end result, but the way your eyes shine with awe, he thinks maybe he did fine. 'do you like it?' he asks, reaching out for your hand. 'thought i can make our movie night a bit better.'

'i love it.' you assure him, taking his hand but still looking at what he created on the floor. 'this is so cute, oh my god. thank you.'

wonwoo relaxes, tension leaves his body as he hears sincerity in your voice. you really do like it and this is enough to make him happy, giddy, excited for this night. you both quickly change to sleep clothes and wonwoo lets you choose, not minding that you take forever to pick something, going from one option to another.

'let's do this one! it's based on the book,' you suggest and wonwoo nods without looking. whole point of movie night for him is to be close to you, movie choice is irrelevant in his opinion. 'okay, i'm putting this one but i gotta tell you a bit of the history cause in book it's explained really well.'

he loves your voice. he loves to hear you talk about things that interest you, because you go into details and lose yourself in explanation, looking beautiful in your excitement to share your knowledge. 'you ramble and it's adorable,' he comments, watching you blush prettily for him.

opening credits of the movie end and instead of replying to his comment, you quickly glance at the screen and then back at him. 'should i stop talking? movie started.'

wonwoo shakes his head, taking your hand and bringing it to his lips for a small kiss. 'no, don't. your voice is very soothing.'

he means it. just like he can tell when you're sincere, so can you and your answering smile at his answer makes him want to forget about the movie and just cuddle with you this whole night, listening to you talk. he tells you this much, loving how you laugh and shake your head. 'i'll continue, but you gotta pay attention to the movie too.'

wonwoo nods, but discreetly turns volume down, staring up at you like you're more interesting than any movie. and you are.

a/n: request your own here! <3 - nini

[nicosraf]

hi rafa!!! first of all i absolutely love your writing! i consumed abm&aam so quickly, and im usually a very slow reader (dyslexia, adhd, yadda yadda). im sure you get this a lot but just wanted to say how much both books mean to me!! i was especially in love with how you describe the giants, and also samyaza and azazel make me absolutely crazy. they felt like such good polyam characters to me, how they loved their humans but also eachother... how much they loved and cared for each others kids and how deeply they loved their human families... UGH! T_T ever since i finished angels and man a few months ago i still think about how the book ended!!! not many books make me weep but samyaza and azazel at the end really made me lose it and i still think about it at least once a day and just wither away for a minute lol.

that being said!! i was wondering if you have any random thoughts about those two! i know you get a lot of questions about the demons (for obvious reasons, i love them all so dearly esp for all their flaws) but i dont see a lot about the leads for book 2! like, what would they do together before the war? and for sillies: what would they say if their kids wanted mcdonalds? who is "we have food at home" and who is also chanting mcdonalds?! i legit cant decide and usually im on the ball with that meme. (though i kinda think eitan would be chanting mcdonalds with the kids.....)

(also sorry for the long ask!! im feeling rambly i guess haha!)

hello! thank you so much!! im glad you like abm and a&m! that means a lot to me :) I'm happy you enjoyed it!

I'm especially happy that you like Azazel and Samyaza. Theyre so messy and I love them deeply.

I think about them a lot. I think about Azazel looking at Samyaza and looking so gorgeous that Samyaza gets flustered and stomps away. I think about Samyaza trying to paint his eyes, his hand shaking, and finding himself thinking of Azazel and maybe letting himself think of him for once. Azazel yapping and yapping at Samyaza one day theyre both in a living area. Samyaza pouting over a coffee that Azazel forced him to share w him. Samyaza healing Azazel and Azazel thanking him softly. Them sitting on the floor and playing a game with marbles and Azazel winning over and over while Samyaza puts his face in his hands and screams, and maybe when Azazel teases him, Samyaza launches at him and grabs him, and once their faces are close together, they just stare at each other for a bit.

Azazel knows there's a part of Samyaza that's soft and sensitive. He knows it. He liked that part of him so much. Each time Samyaza gets visibly frustrated and ashamed, Azazel wants to ask whats wrong. They usually let the silence linger though. Answers are scary

[krizaland]

The Reluctant Master.

A fic based on @emelinstriker ‘s ESAU

I’ll admit I originally deleted this fic due to some misconceptions I had about the AU.

However after looking deeper into the AU I realized I was wrong.

I apologize for any negativity or animosity I may have shown towards this AU in the past.

I see now that it’s actually quite charming and if I’m being honest, quite a comfort for me.

So I’m reuploadong this fic!

However, since I’ve revamped my LMK sona, I had to update this fic a bit.

So there’s new info in it now!

Be warned: there is self loathing ahead

With all that out of the way, On to the fic!

“I’m sorry, I’m your what?”

Stella’s face twisted into a mix of shock and confusion as she starred down at the two monkeys bowing before her.

Stella was no stranger to the bizarre and unexpected.

After all, in a world where she could use a onesie to turn into an axolotl and demons roamed the streets and whatnot, Stella was prepared for everything.

Or at least that’s what she thought.

She wasn’t prepared for two handsome monkeys to be standing in her room; kneeling before her and calling her ‘master’!

“Master! You’re our master! I’m so glad we’ve found you again!” Macaque chirped, not getting up.

“Woah! Woah! Hold up-” -Stella held up her hands defensively- “-Found me again? We literally just met! I’m sorry but I think you might have me confused for someone else.”

“No. You’re our master. Your face may have changed but your soul is the same.” Wukong insisted, his emotionless voice had a slight twinge of joy woven in.

“What?” Was all Stella could say.

“You’re our master. Your face may have changed but your soul is the-”

“No no. I heard what you said, I’m just having trouble processing it.” Stella corrected.

“That’s ok, master! You probably don’t remember your past life! But we can answer any questions you have!” Macaque explained eagerly.

Stella rubbed the back of her head sheepishly.

“Umm…Thanks? I guess my biggest question right now is, who are you two?”

“I am Macaque, your purple champion!” Macaque then gestured to Wukong “And this is Wukong, your blue champion!”

“At your service, master.” Wukong added.

“Champions huh? So are you guys like knights or something?” Stella asked.

“We are so much more than knights, master! We are your eternal servants! We exist to serve you!” Macaque explained, barely able to contain his excitement.

“Servants?”

Stella’s look of confusion morphed into a grimace.

Clearly her former life must have been some form of royalty or nobility but her current self was just a mere selkie.

She knew all too well of what it felt like to be someone’s prisoner.

The mere thought of someone being forced to serve her made her sick to her stomach!

Those poor monkeys! No one should be forced into servitude!

Especially not for someone like her.

“You guys don’t need to serve me. Look, maybe my past life was royalty or something but I’m just an average joe now. I mean ok I can turn into an axolotl but other than that I’m pretty much average .” Stella rambled.

Both monkeys stared at her in confusion.

Stella let out a nervous chuckle.

“Look my point is, no one should be forced to serve anyone. You two deserve to be free to make your own choices.”

Macaque looked like he was slapped in the face!

Even Wukong’s emotionless face seemed a bit shaken.

“You…You don’t want us to serve you?” Macaque whimpered, tears forming in his eyes.

“No! No! No! That’s not what I meant at all! I meant you guys shouldn’t have to be forced do anything you don’t want to do!” Stella yelped as she waved her hands in front of her face.

“But, master! We want to serve you! We need to serve you! Please give us a chance! I promise we’ll do whatever it takes to please you!” Macaque pleaded desperately.

The sound of Macaque’s cries broke Stella’s heart!

“Ok! Ok! You guys can serve me!”

Macaque’s face lit up.

“Oh thank you for giving us a chance, master! I promise you won’t regret it!” Macaque cheered as he kissed Stella’s hand.

Wukong let out a sigh of relief and put a hand on his chest.

“Now c’mon! Let’s head back to the palace!” Macaque insisted as he rose to his feet.

“Palace? Eh. You know what? I’m not gonna keep questioning these things. Just let me grab my onesie first.” Stella shrugged as she grabbed it from her closet.

Wukong tilted his head in confusion.

“Your onesie?”

“Yep. I need it so I can go into my axolotl form.” Stella explained as she showed off the onesie.

Macaque’s practically sparkled as he let out an excited squeal.

“THAT ONESIE IS THE CUTEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN! OH MASTER I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU WEAR IT!”

Wukong nodded in agreement as a faint blush dusted his cheeks.

“Aww! Thank you! But this onesie is more than just a cute outfit. It allows me to turn into my axolotl form.” Stella giggled.

“Yes. You have mentioned that. Can you tell us more?” Wukong asked gently.

“Ok soo I’m what’s called a selkie! Selkies use special costumes to turn themselves into animals. The most common ones are seal selkies. However I’m special. You see we axolotl selkies are extremely rare because we’re pretty much an endangered species.” Stella explained as she gestured to herself.

“Endangered species?!” The monkeys exclaimed in unison.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Macaque yelped as a panicked look crossed his face.

Even Wukong’s stoic face seemed worried.

Stella took in a deep breath and looked down at her feet.

“You see pretty much most of my kind had been well…hunted so to speak. We axolotl selkies have healing powers. We can even help regenerate limbs in a pinch. Because of that, let’s just say humans got way too greedy. But don’t worry! No one really knows I’m a Selkie, well except you guys of course.” Stella explained sheepishly.

Wukong’s face darkened while Macaque let out a low growl.

“Worry not, master! We won’t allow anyone to harm you! We’ll slaughter any fool who dares to try!” Macaque declared as he took Stella’s hand.

“Woah! Woah! Slaughter? That’s a bit much. But I appreciate the gesture.” Stella chuckled nervously.

“Master, if one seeks to hunt you then we shall do whatever it takes to protect you.” Wukong stated firmly.

Wukong’s stern nature left no room for argument.

“Oh-Kay then. Well! Let’s go to that palace!” Stella chirped in an attempt to change the subject.

“As you wish, master!”

And with that, Stella let Macaque and Wukong take her to the palace.

It wasn’t long before the two monkeys brought Stella to a lavish palace.

Wukong opened the massive doors and gestured for Stella to enter.

The moment Stella set foot inside her jaw dropped.

She felt like she had just stepped into a fairytale!

Stunning lattice windows decorated the warm brown walls and the ceiling was a rainbow of extravagant tiles!

In the center of the room was a luxurious golden throne, framed by Ruby red pillars, expensive vases, golden statues, and various carvings written in an unknown language.

“Holy shit! Is this palace really mine?” Stella spluttered as she stared in awe.

“It always has been, master! It’s been awaiting your return!” Macaque chirped as he led Stella to the throne.

Stella looked at the luxurious throne anxiously.

There was no way someone like her was worthy of such luxury.

“Does this throne displease you, master? We can get you a new one if you’d like-”

“Oh no! This throne is beautiful! It’s just…I can’t believe it’s mine that’s all.” Stella admitted as she carefully sat down .

“Of course it’s yours, master! Everything in this palace belongs to you!” Macaque chuckled as he spread out his arms.

“I know it’s just…”

Stella let out a sigh and looked down at her lap.

“I don’t deserve any of this…”

“What are you talking about? Of course you deserve this! You deserve the whole world!” Macaque insisted as he knelt before her.

“Aww, aren’t you sweet?” Stella smiled.

Macaque’s face flushed as his tail begun to wag rapidly.

“Are you ok?” Stella giggled as she watched his tail wag.

“I couldn’t be better, master!!” Macaque squealed, his void black eyes twinkling.

“Oh good! I’m so glad you’re alright-”

“Forgive me for interrupting, master but I have finished checking the perimeter for threats. We’re all clear.” Wukong announced as he knelt before Stella.

“Thank you, Wukong. I appreciate that.” Stella chuckled nervously.

“Is there anything else I can do for you, master?” Wukong asked monotonously.

“Or perhaps something I could do for you, master?” Macaque asked, his tail still wagging.

Stella felt her stomach churn as the two monkeys stared at her expectantly.

As much as she didn’t want to boss them around, she didn’t want to make them sad again.

It was then, Stella had an idea.

“Well, besides serving me, what’s something that you boys enjoy?”

Wukong tilted his head in confusion.

“Wha-”

“Headpats!” Macaque squeaked excitedly.

“Headpats? Sounds good to me-” Stella turned to Wukong- “-Would you like some Headpats as well?”

“Yes please.” A small smile tugged at Wukong’s lips.

“Oki doki loki! Headpats coming up!”

And with that, Stella got up and gently patted Macaque’s head.

Macaque’s tail was wagging so fast it practically blurred.

First praise now Headpats?! Macaque was in heaven!

Unfortunately, Macaque’s moment of bliss had to come to an end as Stella turned her attention to Wukong.

“Alrighty! Your turn!”

Stella begun to gently pat Wukong’s head.

His tail showed little movement and his face remained unchanged.

“Am I doing it right?” Stella asked nervously.

“Yes. You are doing it right.” Wukong replied, a faint blush dusting his cheeks.

“Oh good! I was worried for a second there!” Stella giggled.

“Do not worry about me, master. I’m very happy right now.” Wukong responded, his voice still monotone.

“That’s great! Glad to hear it! You know, both of you boys are really soft.” Stella noted as she kept patting.

“Thank you, master!” Both Monkeys replied in unison.

Stella stopped patting Wukong’s head and looked over at Macaque.

Despite his smile, it was evident he was a little bit jealous of the attention Wukong was getting.

Stella hummed before snapping her fingers.

“Hey, Macaque. Would you mind standing next to Wukong, please?”

“Yes master!”

Macaque quickly scurried next to Wukong.

“Perfect!”

In that moment, Stella pulled both monkeys into a group hug.

“Now I can give both of you some love!”

Both monkeys’ faces burned pink as they returned the hug.

Despite not being too keen on having servants, Stella found herself growing fond of the two monkeys.

“Maybe this whole ‘master’ thing won’t be so bad.”

[coraniaid]

I loved Coexist! The whole story felt very complete by the end and I understand there's no plans for an immediate sequel or anything. But I'm a curious bitch and I love the world you created so I have to ask: did you ever have specific ideas for how some of the major events of season 4 or 5 (or beyond) would go down in that universe? I'm curious about how Faith and Co would deal with The Initiative with no Spike, how the Key/Glory/Joyce stuff would go down with Buffy at Northwestern, or just literally anything you might have thought about for the future of these characters. I'll take literally anything you feel like sharing.

Thanks very much! I'm glad you liked it.

Yeah, as you say, no immediate sequel plans (the big thing I want to make progress on next is my extensive Season 7 rewrite; after that though, maybe ...).

I have thought a bit about what might happen to the characters after the events of the story, though I'm not sure I have any ideas I'm 100% committed to. I have a few fairly vague plans for fics that would take place during S4 -- not necessarily following the plot of S4 as closely as Coexist followed the plot of S3, as I think the world is probably too different now for a lot of that season to happen and in any case I'm not really emotionally invested in Season 4 the same way I am Season 3 -- but certainly happening in a setting where The Initative still exist.

Spoilers for my fanfiction Coexist below the cut I guess?

The most developed idea I have is for a Willow centric fic covering her first year in Oxford: alternating between Willow POV chapters as she explores the university and runs into some familiar faces from canon and shorter chapters made up of emails or IRC messages she gets from her friends back in the US (both commenting directly on the plot and giving Willow advice/encouragement and letting us know a bit about what's happening back in Sunnydale). We know that the Watcher's Council have some sort of link to Oxford (it's where Giles went to train to be a Watcher; "where they make Gileses", as Buffy says later) and, well, I'm aware I never managed to find a role for Gwendolyn Post in Coexist and I think she'd work pretty well as a shady evil mentor for a young practicing witch.

That one has, I think, a non-zero chance of actually happening at some point (a real enough chance that I'm trying to be slightly vague about it, anyway).

As I think you know I am not the biggest fan of the Initiative storyline (and I think it has fewer narrative hooks in a world where none of the main characters are students at Sunndayle U and so none of them have met Maggie Walsh or Riley Finn).

But of course, no Spike doesn't mean the Initative aren't still putting chips in vampires' heads and we know that in this universe, with Buffy away at Northwestern, the events of The Freshman won't happen, so … there's still room in the story for a vampire whose name starts with an 'S' to get a chip in her head and then break out of confinement and reluctantly join forces with the Slayer, right? I'm not really sure why Sunday wouldn't just get staked as soon as she starts being annoying or obviously still evil, but then I'm never sure why that doesn't happen in Season 4 either, so.,,

But really, I want Buffy to have at least a year of things being relatively normal? In a way that would never have worked on the show, I want Buffy to get to occasionally show up and cameo in other people's stories while having a mostly uncomplicated time in college the rest of the year (I imagine she can still patrol without having to find a new Hellmouth; the show is a bit inconsistent about this but I figure there must be some vampires in the Chicago metropolitan area).

Other characters:

I tend to assume that Cordelia will still end up involved in fighting demons when she gets to LA (with Harmony, this time, but still originally looking to put the supernatural behind her). No Angel Investigations, obviously, but she can still meet Doyle and Gunn and Dennis the Ghost, right? I sort of like the idea of Lily/Anne Steele being a bit more actively involved in protecting people from supernatural threats in this world too: she never had the "can I be Anne?" moment here, but I'd like to imagine that her encounter with Faith still had a big impact on her. (I assume she picks a different minor Jane Austen character to name herself after if not Anne Steele.)

Oz and Willow will have to break up eventually because I still want Willow to realize she's into women (just not into Amy). But because I don't have a weird behind-the-scenes feud with Seth Green to inspire me to write his character out entirely, I'd like that to happen in a way where Oz doesn't leave Sunnydale, and gets to develop into a bit more of a person in his own right. (Maybe he gets captured by the Initative sooner, and that's something that can draw Faith and the others into getting involved with that plot?)

I have absolutely no idea how Tara ends up joining the gang in this setting, but I know she will somehow. I think she would fit pretty well into the group dynamics here, even without Willow around. No Buffy or Willow to stick up for her when her family show up on her birthday, but Faith and Jenny aren't exactly going to be thrilled by that either.

Oh, also Marcie is involved in whatever is going on with the Initiative in some capacity. I'm not exactly committed to how, but my current leading theory is that Professor Walsh's superiors send Marcie to (covertly/invisibly) keep an eye on their project, she sees how out of control things are going, and ends up taking Riley's place as the person the gang (well, Xander) knows on the inside who can warn them about Adam. (Possibly without them realizing exactly what Marcie's own agenda is.)

Season 5 … well, I know Dawn will exist and that Joyce will get sick (I think that's pretty close to confirmed in Coexist itself if you assume that Faith's dream about Dawn was prophetic). What that means for Buffy, and whether I can bring myself to have Joyce be more than just sick, I don't really know. Maybe rather than Buffy moving back home, Joyce will move to Illinois to be closer to her daughter and sister? She probably wouldn't do it while Dawn existed, not if Dawn had to move school again, but perhaps she would pre-Dawn and then the memory of Dawn has to get retconned in? Especially if she doesn't get the art gallery back up and running?

Maybe Faith heads up that way too after graduating high school? (I don't think even this Faith is likely to want to go to college, but Diana might have left her enough money she can try to get a place to live in Chicago while she looks for a Slayer-compatible job?) I don't think the Hellmouth itself is really that important for the Glory plot. (The Hellmouth is pretty quiet in Season 5 actually, I think.) Maybe things are stable enough for Jenny and Tara and Amy keep an eye on things and call the Slayers if there's trouble?

As I said in a post a while ago, I kind of like the idea of a Season 5 AU where the Key becomes Faith's sister, rather than Buffy's, but I don't think that's how things go in this setting. I think the twist I'd be more likely to go for here is having Faith be the first person to learn that Dawn isn't "real", and have to grapple with whether or not she tells Buffy that (especially because, in this setting, I think Dawn would still really look up to Faith, and I don't know how Faith would feel about that. How does a Faith who's friends with Anya feel about Dawn 'really' being, in some sense, hundreds of years old?).

The other idea I've had about Dawn here is just to play the game of: how exactly does Coexist play out in a setting with Dawn in it? When did she found out Buffy was a Slayer, did she ever meet Kendra? What happens with the First, or with Wesley, or Allan Finch? How does she feel about Buffy and Willow moving away? How does she feel about Anya or Amy? How does she feel about having to move again, if that's what Joyce ends up deciding to do? That feels like something I'd want to nail down a bit before I started any sort of Coexist sequel with Dawn in it.

Really no plans for beyond Season 5 at all -- or, rather, I have lots of plans and rough ideas for post-Season 5 fics, but none that I think really work so well in the Coexist universe. (I guess I hinted at things like the Beast blocking out the sun and Jasmine showing up somehow and LA being sent to Hell a bit in that story with some of the Mayor's dialogue, but I'm not exactly a fan of Angel Season 4 so I don't know whether I'd ever want to explore that any further. Certainly not the way it happens on Angel.)

As I said, I'm slowly working on plotting out a S7 fic, but that's in a setting much closer to canon and I don't know if I want to make plans for two similar fics at once. It feels right to me that Drusilla will be back to cause problems again at some point in the Coexist world (she's relegated to a dream sequence in Coexist itself, but in my very early plans she'd have turned up in Sunnydale in person and I think she still might later -- or maybe she'll be causing problems for Cordelia in LA? Trying to resurrect Spike the way Wolfram & Hart resurrect Darla in canon, maybe?), but equally I want Drusilla to be the Big Bad in my non-Coexist S7 fic, so I think I'd want to get that nailed down before I started thinking about any other story with Drusilla in and confusing myself.

But as I said on Ao3 a couple of days ago, it's important to me that Coexst feels like it ends in a good place for the characters and I think it does now; one thing I'm a bit wary of is starting a new ambitiously long fic in the same setting, introducing problems for them and shaking up that status quo and then not being able to complete it. I'd rather not do that, so I think any sequels -- if and when I ever write them -- will probably tend to be on the shorter side. At least unless I get a really good idea for S5, or learn the self-discipline needed to write a whole story before I start posting chapters.

[leslutdepointedulac]

TELL ME ABOUT LOUSTAT MISSING SCENE PLEASE PLEASE

Omg gladly!! 🥹 It's about something that I think about often and that's the missing scene from Merrick when Lestat gives Louis more of his blood after reviving him. Being that Merrick is from David's pov obviously, we never get to see that bit between Louis and Lestat because David leaves the room. But it seems like such a vital point in Louis and Lestat's relationship.

Lestat wakes up from a several year long coma to find that his lover has died by suicide. Once he's revived him, surely he would have questions. The main one being simply 'Why?' Why would Louis be driven to such a thing?

And I think that Louis would have things he'd want to say to Lestat about his time alone, waiting for him to wake up.

Overall, as well as being a pivotal moment for Louis (getting a major power boost), it's also a vital point in his relationship with Lestat imo. There are many things they have to say to each other after being apart for so long, so to speak, as well as talking about Louis' suicide specifically.

Idk, I just wanted to explore that moment between them because it feels important to them. Louis needs more blood, sure but they also needed to talk. I imagine that emotions were running very high; they were both hurt but also relieved to have each other again. I think their emotions were all over the place, one minute they don't know what to say to one another, the next they're pointing fingers and placing blame and excuses for why certain things happened, then the storm passes and they hold each other tight before Lestat gives his blood to Louis.

There are many missing scenes that I'd love to explore more but this one stands out to me and like I said, I think about it a lot so it made sense to go with this one.

[xgoth-mothx]

hiii i found u thru ur pretty mystical unicorn sculpt IM OBSESSED W UR TALENT???? r they all purely clay? dyou put them in the oven? how long do they take? which ones your fave!!!!

AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH !!! ;u;

They're not purely clay! In order to get them to stand like that, I have to give them a structure underneath. Here's the armature of something I'm working on rn:

I use wire underneath and cover it with aluminum foil/masking tape, which gives the clay a surface to stick on and adds padding to make them lighter!

They do get put in the oven! They're made out of polymer clay (Fimo Professional) which is an oven bake clay and my favorite type to use. (It might be smarter to use air dry clay tho since it's very scary if they end up tipping over in the oven, buuut I'm impatient when it comes to drying times and such efjdch)

Depending on the size/detail, they usually take between 15-25 hours! The majority of that time is spent sculpting the fur and painting.

And ouughh my favorite,,, That's difficult ,,, I'd say this guy that I made a year ago

I made this guy for a college final!! While he's a very old piece and pretty lumpy, I really like it since it feels like it has more character compared to the rest of my work. He's also 3x bigger than the rest of my stuff, and while that was a nightmare to make I love having just Some Huge Guy on my shelf. I want to try doing more scary stuff some time!

[thorough-witness-enjoyer]

Hi hi!

I loved your rants on the Traveler and read your pinned post and was just curious to hear about your destiny OCs (or anything else you want to talk about honestly)! Please ramble as it's always a good time to read to have someone go on in detail about their interests.

Light be with you!

Greetings!!!

This was such a sweet message and I’m delighted that you found an interest in the things I discuss on this blog!!! Thank you so much for the kind words and for wanting to hear about my ocs!!

Okay so we have- *I fall down a comically long flight of stairs with my box of ocs as they go everywhere* Sorry, sorry!

Truth be told, I have a LOT of ocs from all the different species and societies of Destiny as I have been into the game for practically two-thirds of my life, more than I can possibly disclose in just one post (especially because I can talk forever about these things!!)

So, I thought it would be fun if I described my many characters and their stories as silly blog/news titles and opening statements! This is only a small handful of my ocs, but if you guys want more or see one idea you’d like to hear more of, I’ll consider posting additional content of them!

Here we go:

Infamous deathsinger-school drop out meets agoraphobic Eliksni captain at Eliksni-Hive bar, requires his and his sardonic, elder dreg‘s protection against her vengeful knight sister.

Small Uluran girl tends to her family farm with her Psion in-house caretaker, finds out the only thing more troubling than a poor harvest is Torobatl politics as her caretaker brings his fragile partner into the household.

Local Last City ghost sees success at the opening of her new therapy café despite not having hands and only employing other guardian-less ghosts.

Top ten activities to do with the goat your Witness does not approve of, but your acolytes adore! (Number 4 will certainly unleash its rage!)

BREAKING: Awoken guardian and her exo best friend are kicked out of Spider‘s Palace after starting a drunken fight over a gambling dispute for the 20th time. “I remember being young, desired, out until dawn, and unbothered by responsibilities” says their middle-aged Psion fiduciary.

This Vex harpy enjoys listening to a vagrant exo hunter play his flute and doesn’t enjoy Minotaurs at all according to the vagrant hunter that menacingly approached us.

EXCLUSIVE: We interviewed the Young Wolf on why they continue to slay gods and they said “There really isn’t much else to do and my only friends are Ghost and Crow”.

Hundreds dead and thousands more injured after a fairy betrayal in the Court of Understanding left the Great Navigator paranoid that necromancy was spreading amongst his closest circle (A fairy is a Hive class I invented that is akin to court jesters for the upper class, especially the Osmium siblings. They are light-weight and agile, possessing the ability to float, while also wielding long-range weaponry. I definitely plan to explain this concept in the future and perhaps provide artwork for them!)

Long lost sibling of the architect of The Witness found in reclusive cabin with non-verbal child, told us to “Fuck off” and “Tell that disturbed prophet I want nothing to do with them”.

How to answer your young child when they start asking questions like “Why do our neighbors have four arms?” and “If the Final Shape happens, do I still have to go to school?”: A guide written by an average Last City dad with a curious daughter.

Whats better than the daughter of a baron and a cynical knight running away to live a life of piracy and blasphemy together? Studies show it’s the daughter of a baron and a cynical knight doing all of that AND being lesbians.

Renowned Hive romantic novelist takes acolyte playwright under his wing after their work reaches acclaim in the Court of War for its depiction of the Eater of Hope’s trials with redemption and love. “This will definitely win back the hat loving wizard that I had spawn with” the novelist claimed as he flipped his decadent cape.

Old Psion yells “All paracasual beings need to die in their rotting entitlement, especially that red bloated bastard and that big eyed freak he calls ‘My Mistress’!”and immediately dies after telling his aids about his time spent directly under Nezarec.

HEARTWARMING: This Lubraen stalker welcomes newcomers by giving them a tour around the city and making their bigotry apparent.

Is this the style of the summer? Qugu person sports new curled tendril mane as they embrace the end of everything.

She’s a beefy wizard, he’s a scrawny knight, they are irritating rivals: The couple that fell in love again after becoming lucent thanks to their devoted spawn.

Potential assassin of the Witness found and held under that black liquid it comes out of until their will falters. “I had to do something to protect them. No one protected my planet. I didn’t care how much I’d pay for it” stated the now-disciple fish creature.

I have tons of concepts remaining and I thoroughly love all these characters, but I don’t want this post to be too long!! I adore expanding on unexplored areas of Destiny lore and I wish I had the time to make content for my ideas!!

Thank you again for the question and I hope I adequately answered it!! Light be with you too!!

[xxghost-zombie-jesus]

I would love to hear your opinions on Beej and Charles' relationship... Its always so fun to explore

dont mind me answering this two years later. i don't have an excuse im just a lil slow. it got long so it's under a readmore!

i like to think things are super rocky right off the bat. charles distrusts been the most in the beginning, after all, when he looks at the demon all he can remember is how he tried to marry his daughter, drove her and subsequently him to the netherworld, tried to kill delia, adam, and barbara, and made a mess of the house and their lives. so he isn't exactly please when beej is unceremoniously dumped onto his literal front steps. he is... cordial to the demon, not wanting to accidentally set Beetlejuice off and cause another Incident.

beej avoids charles a lot in the beginning. he has Mommy and Daddy issues, mainly from juno being, well, herself and his father not being around. (and honestly beej isn't sure if his father left him or was eaten by his mother, but he still holds out hope.) so another parent, especially someone who is genuinely angry and distrustful of him, and not in a 'god you're so annoying' way but in a 'you are a threat to my family way'. like, delia gets spooked by him easily, but she was probably the least affected by his outburst, and he helped her realize otho was a scam artist. the maitlands aren't exactly threatened by him, and quickly come to realize he's kind of... harmless. and lydia still considers him her best friend, even after the whole sham wedding/trying to kill everyone/killing him ordeal. but Charles? he's the only one who is not willing to deal with beej and his antics, nor does the man seem willing to move past the, well, past.

so, yeah, things are tense between them in the beginning. both of them feel threatened, and while beej is prone to lashing out when he feels threatened, charles is the quiet, calculating, take no shit. unstoppable force, immovable object. the few times they interact one-on-one doesn't go well, usually ends up in an argument, or worse, and the threat of sending beej back to the netherworld hangs heavy.

but, charles sees how beetlejuice acts around lydia, how he acts around the maitlands, hell, how he acts around delia. he's completely different than when charles originally met the demon. he's actually... more like a person than the mindless killing machine that charles thinks he is, and while he loaths to change his mind about the being who caused so much havoc and pain for his family, charles starts to doubt that he may have been wrong about beetlejuice. and then when delia implores that he just try and bond with beej, he really isn't so bad, they have a lot more in common that charles would think, he finally gives in and tries.

likewise, beetlejuice sees how charles acts around the rest of the household, the easy coparenting routines that he and the maitlands have developed regarding lydia. the calm discussions in the morning and the shared tv times in the evenings. he sees how charles is with delia, the gentleness and the love that's visible even to beetlejuice, eugh. the willingless to play along with her ideas and life coaching. he sees how charles is with lydia, the near desperation in his actions to make his daughter feel seen, feel loved, feel like he will always be there for her. how he begrudgingly builds her a dark room and allows her to paint her bedroom walls black. and he'd never say he was jealous, not if his undead life depended on it, but, honestly, he is. he wants so badly for charles to like him, hasn't what he's done to atone enough? hasn't he changed enough? but, fine, if charles won't like him, he can play along and make the man's life a living hell with pranks and comments and toeing the line of what is and isn't allowed.

and then charles finds out that despite being over 1000 years old, his age roughly correlates with that of a young adult, college-aged, even. charles, honestly, isn't sure that beej would even be of age for drinking, if he were human. he realizes that the demon's lashing out and acting up around him wasn't because he hates charles, its because he's a shitty young adult who has no idea who he is other than how others perceive him, who obviously got little to no parental love and guidance, who is fiercely protective of lydia, has taken her under his wing and would do just about anything in his power to make her happy. charles notices him eagerly playing along with delia's beliefs, never shutting her down or making her feel like she's crazy, but instead encouraging her to life her life how she wants to. he sees how beetlejuice had toned down the sexual jokes and innuendos at their behest, how he's done a complete 180 when he realized that they didn't enjoy his advances. he wants to be included but has stopped pushing and prodding for their attention.

and its when charles realizes that beej is basically just a hurt, scard, kind of angry yet doubtlessly kind kid that beetlejuice gets himself into some deep shit, and charles has to go save his ass. and its not for lydia's sake, well, at first it was, he'd hate to disappoint his daughter by letting something happen to the demon she's basically adopted as an older brother, but when he sees how genuinely hurt and upset beej is, something changes in their dynamic.

charles stops being so closed off to beej, starts including him in things, talking to him of his own accord, trying to be there for the demon like he is lydia. after all, he's no longer a freeloader, a dangerous demon on a hair trigger to charles anymore. he's just a troubled 20-something who just happens to be a demon. this doesn't exactly go well, beej isn't quick to judge, and the sudden change is so offputting to him that he thinks that charles is Up To Something.

because whenever juno started being nice to him, well, she either wanted something from him, or was about to make his life a living hell and fuck him over one hundred and one ways. so charles, someone he's lowkey started to think as a surrogate father even if he won't even admit it to himself let alone anyone else, suddenly acting like he wanted beej around, like he likes the demon? no he doesn't trust that. so he ups his antics tenfold, trying to piss charles off, trying to make things go back to how they were before.

and then this fic happens and, well, beej has to admit that charles does like him, and is trying to show it, and isn't out to get him, or kick him out, or kill him. its hard for both of them, but its a lot more positive than it had been before.

all this to say, i think they have a kind of father-son relationship, though not at first, and not for a hot second. both of them are resistant of getting along until both internal and external forces make them change, and even from there charles trying to kind of mother hen beej doesn't go well at first. but they figure things out

[crystallizsch]

Hello! I really like your art and comics with Jamil and your OC. It looks very cute!

I just want your thoughts on this as a Jamil lover. I really like Jamil but Idk why??? I like him so much that I cry whenever I don't get his card or daily greetings at login. He's not usually my type like Izuku or Tanjiro. Just want to know your thoughts since you like Jamil hehe. It's ok if you don't respond!

AAH THANK YOU SO MUCH it means a lot to hear you like them i really appreciate it!! 💖💕💖💕💖

ANYWAYS as a jamil enthusiast i ask myself that question too 🤠;;

dont know what kinda hypnotizing magic he did on me but it worked bc i was incredibly neutral about jamil when i first saw him and now he lives in my head rent-free

okay in all seriousness i ended up rambling about jamil and why i like him personally and it ended up longer than intended so uh proceed with caution under the cut 🧍

(i had to look up the characters you mentioned,,, i know both of the anime but BARELY know the characters so idk how to compare other than they seem to be the benevolent hero/protagonist type???) (so on that note theyre actual opposites??? of jamil 😭)

okay so for me i personally just find jamil’s character really fascinating (and relatable???)

like his character arc drew me in i think, i legit do not recall 100% how i started liking him bc he was NOT my usual type either

i saw him before book 4 and went “okay” ��� and moved on 😭

my usual type is kalim actually (the sunshine type with a depressing reason for being all sunshine-y lmao) but. i did not vibe at first with how kalim looks so i didnt really get attached to him either 🤧 (im absolutely fine with him now tho 😭 ive learned to appreciate him more thanks to other kalim enjoyers)

(and tbf a lot of twst characters i didnt think i would like but here we are)

back to jamil. alright maybe it’s his looks. maybe bc he’s a pretty guy idk. but if that’s the case i wouldve been all over vil bc he’s the definition of beautiful gorgeous guy who doesnt fw with gender norms but im NOT. instead it’s JAMIL.

i think it doesn’t help that aladdin is one of my favorite disney movies too 😭 jafar has that two-faced, manipulative disposition with a side of dramatic, and insane and that’s. actually just jamil.

so maybe i guess what drew me in with jamil is that sense of theatrics, the dramatics ;;; that dichotomy of having that level-headed, intelligent front he puts up but then also having this unhinged, unfiltered side that he shows when he is free to be more himself

i’m a sucker for seemingly calm and collected characters on the outside and then their true self being WAY more different and expressive

(i think this would make more sense if you’ve seen aladdin and if you remember how jafar is like in the movie) (i am also choosing to ignore that ONE scene with jafar and jasmine towards the end iykyk) (and the twst characters shouldnt be considered one-to-one with their disney counterparts anyway but i digress)

also scalding sands event my beloved it might be what actually sold me on him bc things like his little sister reveal and his childhood stories wrecked me

(also also i’m obsessed with his canon dynamic with kalim but that’s another thing altogether)

or maybe it’s not that deep and that i just grew attached for no particular reason 🧍 (and that reasoning in of itself should be completely fine as well if that’s your case! just. like who you like, there really doesnt have to be a reason as long as you enjoy them)

uhhhh in conclusion,,, jamil’s a really complex character tbh i could say so much more about his relatability but i feel like im already exposing myself a lot LMAO and i dont think i can properly articulate with words anyway how deeper his character is beyond my surface level thoughts

[sugarsnappeases]

kara i wanna know allllll about your reg. tell me EVERYTHING <3

so obvs canonically pretty much the only thing we know about reg is his betrayal of voldemort and the cause etc etc so i like to centre that in most of my thoughts about him……

he joins the death eaters bc he’s a loser w a freakish voldemort obsession who has like three friends and bc he’s lonely and he hates sirius and he wants to spite him by joining the group to which he’s so opposed. he wants to prove sirius wrong and prove himself right and i believe wholeheartedly that, even if he was influenced somewhat by the way he was raised and by the circles he runs in, he joined the death eaters completely of his own volition!!! i’m passionate about this!!! i think it destroys the nuance of his character to say that he was forced to join or that he joined w the intention to betray them all along or whatever . to me, he was fucking gagging to be a death eater and he’s so smug when he’s allowed in. i picture him ranting to barty and evan about ‘the great honour that has been bestowed upon him’ whilst lovingly stroking his dark mark

anyway, then he gets scared. he’s just a boy!!! and he realises he’s in too deep when it’s far too late… to me he just can’t stand the violence of the death eaters. like he’s a blood purist and further than that thinks he personally is superior to pretty much everyone else, on account of his black blood, but he hates that he has to get his hands dirty in order to see his idealised vision of the world (sans mudbloods and blood-traitors) realised…. he’s soft and weak and squeamish and lonely and always so so miserable at all times as a rule. he also tries to hide how scared he is by being a massive bitch. classic.

then he realises that tom has a horcrux (and imo he would figure this out fairly easily after the kreacher thing, bc he’s smart but also bc tom read about them in a book in the HOGWARTS LIBRARY!! so it’s not much of a stretch to say that the same book and probs further, more detailed books would be in the library at grimmauld, likewise in most of the darker pureblood family libraries…. this is another thing i’m passionate about. horcruxes aren’t this big secret. nobody makes them bc nobody’s a fucking idiot like tom is. they’re also warned off properly by their rents. tom doesn’t have this…. ANYWAY) he realises tom has a horcrux and that the guy he’s idolised and basically sold his soul to is fucking bonkers (shameless self promo - i write a bit about this realisation in the regulus letter in my fic ‘where can i put it down?’…. makes me crazy) and he’s scared and alone and he wants out and he does the one brave thing of his life in dying…..

and he doesn’t think it’s a brave thing. he tells himself that sirius was a coward for running away and betraying them and specifically him. he tells himself he’s being brave, braver and better than sirius, when he’s like sticking it out, joining the death eaters, following the role prescribed to him, so when he decides he’s gonna go to the cave it’s like giving up, it’s being a coward, its admitting to himself that he’s never been better than sirius no matter how much he want or tries to be, it’s betraying the cause and everything he’s stood for but he HAS to do it. for sirius and for kreacher and for himself and for the chance that maybe he’s not past saving. he spends his whole life trying to be good but in the sense of behaving and then his death, his first (and last) real rebellion, is the only time that he actively attempts to be good in terms of a moral act even if it has nothing to do w a renouncement of blood purity. and i don’t think he fully realises that when he does it bc it’s all so tangled up in other things. and i’m not saying that he’s like morally reprehensible the rest of the time (he’s just a boyyyy) but the majority of his active choices have been kinda bad ones up to this point even if he’s been like . passively good . and also literally just a child. an angsty teen if you will

his life is marked by inaction and bad decisions and his final act is kinda the antithesis of this and it’s tragic bc he’s not ever going to survive it. and sirius is never gonna know. it makes me miserable. does any of this even make sense lmaooo basically he’s a loser and he misses his brother and he’s so lonely and he loves sirius so much even as he hates him and he’s quiet and he wants so desperately to be a good death eater bc this is everything he’s ever wanted but he just can’t in the end!!! he’s just a boy!!! a boy who would nurse birds with broken wings back to health and cry when they flew away, a boy who would hold his brother’s hand and hang on every word he says and exist almost entirely in sirius’ shadow until said shadow is suddenly gone and he’s left reeling, a boy who’s so so soft and gentle but who hides it all behind layers of barbs and cold remarks, a boy who is desperately desperately sad and scared and GOD I LOVE HIM……

[capn-twitchery]

I love your ocs but I fear I am a bit out of touch with some of their lore. how much does Grace know about the red honey fuckery?

thank you sm!! :D♥︎ don't worry--i'm not sure i've actually spoken about this a whole lot!! (plus my lore is scattered around random posts like a ransom note. imagine being organised, couldn't be me)

for context: the two of them are a ridiculously slow slowburn bc neither of them know how to talk about feelings, they go in different directions a lot, twitch's response to Having Feelings (or anything) is to disappear to zee. everything takes forever. there's a summary of their timeline here if you want it !!

ANYWAY to answer:

tl;dr summary: most of the time, nothing! eventually, more than anybody else.

so, for most of the time, grace knows absolutely nothing. nobody does, really--twitch doesn't tell anybody, they don't want to talk about it, nobody sees their face at all.

as far as anyone knows, including grace, twitch's bad memory, lying & inconsistent stories are just a personality quirk. and they get sick sometimes, they just need bedrest & won't be available for a few hours, a day, a couple of days. nobody is allowed to see them.

grace remains mostly unaware for a long time--he has inklings that something is up. once he gets to know twitch better, he can tell they're not themself sometimes. but prying would push twitch away, so he just offers help, if they want company, for their headaches the surgeon mentioned. he'll leave the cabin door unlocked, just in case.

he has no idea how bad the "headaches" are until it's happening right in front of him, once they're close enough for twitch to trust him to that degree. he has no idea why it's happening, but he knows twitch doesn't want to tell him, either. and when they're sobbing in his lap, pleading for something he doesn't understand to stop, begging him to help them tie a blindfold because they don't want him to see their face, it's not exactly the time to pry.

it happens a few times. it never gets easier, and it never gets any clearer. it's not til after grace leaves for the new sequence and comes back that he finally sees their face uncovered. he doesn't connect any dots-whether that's because he genuinely just doesn't make the connection, or because twitch doesn't want him to make a big deal about it, who knows!

while he was gone, twitch starts connecting some dots: something's weird with their memories. they don't know how to process it. they bring it up subtly, ask grace if he knows anything about red honey, and maybe he can figure it out himself. he tells them he does, he learned about it during nemesis, in the palace cage gardens. it still haunts him, sometimes, the prisoners with their crying, the suffering the hollow looking eyes-

the eyes.

everything clicks all at once-twitch's eyes, their headaches, the memory issues, the inconsistencies, the lies. it only gets worse when twitch tells him they're starting to wonder if the memories are all theirs.

oh, god. how could anybody do that to them? who did that to them? but twitch doesn't want him on any kind of revenge mission, they don't even think they remember where the cage garden was, and they don't want to try either. he settles for comforting them the best he can-but what can anyone do to help, really?

at the very least, trusting someone enough to talk about it is a huge weight off twitch's shoulders. grace can help them try to figure out what's going on with their memories, it makes them better at talking to each other. it's not easy, but it helps twitch to move forward-slowly, but surely

[k4pp4-8]

Is there anything you wished the Show Ok. Ko Lets Be Heroes focused more on? Whether it be a character, relationship, arc, villain ect?

OH BOY THERE'S SO MUCH I WANTED TO SEE

1. FIRST OF ALL I REALLY wish they had more time to focus on the big reveal because I waited since season for them to talk about the whole POINT situation and when they finally DO reveal laserblast's identity it's completely rushed. This is such an emotional plot line for MULTIPLE characters yet we only see a fraction of it! LIKE PLEEAAAAASE I WANT TO SEE MORE OF HOW THIS AFFECTED CAROL!!! What she went through is so tragic, she lost her love, her dream, her friends, AND she had to raise the child of her dead lover alone. And yet she stayed strong through all of it and became the best mom ever. (Carol I love you plz marry me)

ALSO I WILL NEVER GET OVER THE FACT THAT WE DON'T SEE GAR'S REACTION TO THE REVEAL!! He literally blamed himself for laserblast's death, who was his teammate, his best friend's lover AND K.O's father. Just imagine how he felt like knowing K.O looked up to him as a father figure while thinking it's his fault K.O doesn't have a dad???

And also every other POINT member's lives were immensly affected by laserblast's death, like Rippy roo who dedicated years of her life trying to find a way to bring him back or Greyman trying to make a hero people could look up to or Foxtail still holding a grudge against Gar for what happened. I reaaally wanna know how they would react to knowing not only their friend is alive but he is also a successful villain.

2. Another thing I REALLY wanted to see was Rad and Dendy's relationship actually being explored! I used to think her "obsession" with Rad was nothing more than a gag but I saw that there was supposed to be an episode explaining that "she looked up to Rad because he's unashamed of who he is even though he comes from he considered as unusual family background." AND IT JUST MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!!!! I think that would've been an amazing way to explore both of their characters.

Also it's pretty ironic because Rad IS ashamed of who he is! Since day one he's been hiding things he loves and acting like a jerk to cover up his insecurities. I think Dendy telling him she looks up to him would've encouraged him to change the way he acts just like in the "Radical rescue" episode, when he tells K.O he doesn't want him to imitate his bad behavior.

3. Now we're getting to the REAL interesting part. BOXBOTS!!!! LISTEN I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THEM BUT I'M GONNA TRY TO MAKE IT SHORT AND UNDERSTABLE.

I REALLYYY wish we had more moments of vulnerabilty with them. Pretty much every single one of their scene is comedic and, while I do ADORE the comedy, I still wish they were taken more seriously. Like their whole situation is really tragic in many ways yet it's completely ignored. I know it's a mostly light hearted show but the boxbots are never given a genuine moment that felt like their feelings were taken seriously. It's probably just me who's wayyyy too attached to them but my favorite moments are when we get to see the more "human" side of them. Like when they act like an actual family, playing board games, having dinner together, hanging out, or bickering like siblings

I wish they explored how being robots affects them and the way everyone treats them. It's like robots are not considered like "real people" to some degree. We already know that in the okko universe being a certain species will change the way people perceive you and treat you (ie aliens and kappas) and it's shown to be a bad thing when it happens to Rad and Dendy, but when the bots are treated badly it's always seen as a joke and brushed bc you know , they're robots so who cares. There's like an implication that all robots are inherently bad because they're robots, K.O even said Mr.logic was "one of the good ones" implying he's just an exception (also it's crazy that he actually said that sentence and no one batted an eye)

And finally the ONE thing I really REEAALLYYY wanted to see more of is *drum rolls* LORD COWBOY DARRELL (who could've seen that coming)

LISTEN THERE WAS SOOOOOOOOO MUCH POTENTIAL THERE IT ACTUALLY MAKES ME CRAZY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT I WISH I WAS EXAGGERATING!!! Like for the first time we actually see boxman suffer the consequences of his actions, his kids FINALLY stand up to him after being treated like crap 24/7 and then he's forgiven in episode two??? And we don't even see how this affects the other bots!! Like Raymond and Shannon also loved boxman but they seemingly didn't hesitate to side with Darrell over him. I wish they explored how they chose their brother over their father who they were absolutely devoted to since birth.

I was actually disappointed to see Darrell forgive him SO easily and all the character development he could've had was thrown out the window in two seconds!!!! We actually get a glimpse of Darrell's potential but it's all forgotten as soon as Boxman becomes the boss again

I loved seeing Darrell actually fight back for once because he is one of the characters who gets mistreated the MOST by the whole cast. Half of his scenes are just him getting beat up and insulted, he's always treated like an idiot or a joke character so it was incredibly satisfying to see him actually stand up for himself and take charge. Like yeah he is goofy as hell and very immature and I love that about him! But when he became Lord Cowboy Darrell we actually got to see a whole new side of him. He was cunning and smart and resourceful and it KILLS me that we never got see that side of him again. I wish people aknowledged how competent and mature he can be instead of treating him like an actual child. I actually hate how infantilized he is sometimes

Anyway I could go on and on and on forever about the boxbots but that's just a few things i wish the show focused more on, there's probably more but I can't remember them rn

[mlady-magnolia]

Your welt and himeko art fucking killed me dead so I am asking what you think abt their dynamic

Hehe hi!! I’m so glad you liked the art!

I’ll be honest, I always liked Welt, but never really gave him too much focus when it came to HSR’s story. He was always a fascinating character, his backstory was so interesting since he canonically jumped from Honkai Impact’s universe, and his general dynamic was cute with the Express Crew! I kinda just saw him as Himeko’s silent guardian, secretly sworn to protect this universe’s version of her, and nothing else past that

And then I started getting back into Honkai Impact lore (for Himeko, of course) and my god, it recontextualised SO MUCH about how I saw Welt. I blame the Alien Space manga…

Yes, he’s still Himeko’s guardian, her ever-vigilant protector, cursed by guilt to see the remnant of his own Himeko in this new version of her. He’s working through his own things as he travels with the Express, and Himeko knows that, but she won’t pry, she understands being haunted by one’s past ghosts.

He’s still her teacher, giving wisdom when she asks, and Himeko sees the years of experience behind his words. She trusts him to guide her true, always will take his words into heavy consideration when making a decision.

And in the end, honestly? I think Welt’s kind of a father-figure to Himeko, at least in the Star Rail universe. A dependable and wise figure she knows always has her back. Welt looks at Himeko like a father would his daughter, pride in seeing how far she’s made it. That, in this universe at least, she’s happily made it to the stars like she had dreamed of when she was his student. Happy to see Himeko in her true place travelling the universe.

Welt cares so deeply for Himeko because he’s seen what her fate could be, and he’s determined to stop that outcome. And Himeko cares for Welt in turn, her first human crew mate aboard the Astral Express and truest confidant among the Nameless.

Also, because I’m gay as fuck and in my own corner of fanon, I make Kafka and Himeko kiss, I headcanon Welt definitely knows about Himeko’s past with Kafka and her current situation where the Stellaron Hunter keeps dropping in to visit the Navigator. He is disappointed in Himeko, but he would never get in the way of the her being happy. If Kafka tries anything, he will use his cane and gravitationally disintegrate her in a heartbeat.

Yeah, wow, I rambled. Uh, thanks for coming to my TED Talk, I guess?? I didn’t realise I had so much to say about them. So sorry if this was not what you were expecting-

[plushie-rater]

Can we send requests of our own plushies for you to rate? :)

Thanks so much for asking first of all. I’ve been thinking about this a whole lot (even before I drew the first plushie here) and I think I’ve finally decided that at least for now, I won’t be taking submissions for plushie ratings. Without getting too serious, the main reason is that I’m afraid that it will stop feeling as fun as it does now. I also really enjoy how happy people seem to be when they see a surprise rating that they weren’t expecting, which would happen much less often if I was spending time drawing submissions, too. I really hope that everyone understands