#thankfully my anxiety melted away the moment I had the game open and could see everyone

[throughpatchesofviolet]

I love them so much.

[magniloquent-raven]

soulmate au part 3!!!!

(read part 1 and part 2 here)

it takes three weeks for anything to happen.

they see each other at school, exchange glances in class, brush past each other in the hallways, fingers grazing as their shoulders bump, incidental touches that wouldn’t draw attention but still leave billy tingling and giddy and embarrassed at himself but…

he’s still getting used to having a soulmate. a real, tangible person he can reach out and touch.

and maybe he’d get used to it faster if he could touch him more, but life keeps conspiring against them. they can’t seem to get a second alone. when it isn’t steve’s kids are crawling all over him 24/7 it’s neil breathing down billy’s neck because he ran out on one fucking class.

well, and then had to lie to neil about why, which was probably what put neil on high alert, but still.

three goddamn weeks.

and neither of them have been patient about it. steve keeps writing billy notes. in the middle of class scrawling things like you have nice eyes and i wanna spend time with you and billy can fucking feel how smug steve gets about making him blush. it’s all he can do not to make a scene in front of half their peers. sometimes he’s not sure if he’d punch steve for being an asshole or kiss him for being sweet.

or both. he can do both.

but mostly he wants time, and somewhere to just...be. with steve.

and he gets that, three weeks after their conversation in the parking lot. steve’s parents will be out of town, and his kids have some stupid game night planned. max keeps asking to go but pretending she isn’t, badly feigning disinterest, and best of all, neil and susan are planning a weekend trip to visit susan’s bedridden aunt a few hours away.

billy is determined to take full advantage of those thirty-six hours. neither of them will acknowledge it directly, but he knows max will tell neil he was home all weekend if she has to. he has no reason to be nervous about being caught, or anything else. it’ll be fine.

it’ll be fine.

he tells himself that over and over but it doesn’t stop him from checking every corner of the house in case neil’s hiding behind a door somewhere before he can even think about getting ready to leave.

he checks again after he’s showered and dressed.

thankfully max is already gone, so she’s not there to see him pacing around like a neurotic rat in a maze.

it almost worse that he isn’t just anxious, he’s excited. and it’s making him twitchy.

there’s no plan. they aren’t going on a date or anything. he’s just...going to steve’s house. steve’s empty house. he’s going to be alone with his soulmate. the list of reasons why that scares him is endless.

and he’s not sure if he’s more terrified of the possibility that steve won’t ask about the makeup thing or the possibility that he will.

knocking on the harringtons’ front door is. an experience. it shouldn’t be. it’s just a fucking door. but billy’s palms are sweating and suddenly he has no idea what he’s even going to say, and he keeps glancing over his shoulder even though he doesn’t really know what he’s looking for, and it feels like he’s been standing on the porch for a fucking eternity but—

his worries don’t exactly melt away when steve opens the door but there is a warm flutter in his chest that’s...new. and distracting.

and steve smiles at him all sunshine and chocolate, and the second the door closes behind them he grabs billy’s hand, wide-eyed, questioning, watching billy’s reaction.

his palm is just as sweaty as billy’s and it’s gross, but also kind of comforting.

“hello to you too,” billy snickers, and steve visibly relaxes, lacing their fingers together properly.

“hi,” he breathes quietly, his gaze soft, but intense, focused. “waiting sucked, okay. i’ve been wanting to do that forever.” he shakes their joined hands for emphasis.

“...that all you were waiting to do?”

steve’s grin turns sly, and his gaze drops a little. “no.”

billy wants to kiss him. he wants to be kissed. he wants steve’s mouth on him, somewhere, anywhere, right now. it’s a nice mouth. he’s spent a lot of time looking at it, and thinking about it, about the way the steam from the showers turned his lips so, so red, wet and slick and both too close and too far away, wondering what he’d taste like—

but steve turns away, taking all the air in billy’s lungs with him. it’s so jarring a shift that billy actually sways a little before he gets ahold of himself and lets steve tug him by hand and lead him upstairs.

the wallpaper in steve’s room has to be some kind of hate crime, but billy doesn’t have time to dwell on it, because there’s a beige bag sitting conspicuously on top of steve’s neatly made bed. the clear plastic top is zipped shut, dusty with age and spilled powders, but billy can still make out tubes of lipstick and eyeliner pencils through the haze.

he stops in the doorway and stares at it, thoughts at a stand-still.

steve’s still clutching his hand, tighter now, and no longer pulling him along. “i—uh. the bag was my mom’s, i think. found it crumpled up under the sink, so, like. she probably doesn’t even remember it exists. and the stuff in it is...new.”

“...new,” billy echoes faintly.

“yeah. yeah, i—i bought it. had no idea what i was looking for though, so i hope i did alright.”

billy blinks at him.

“was—was that okay? i know maybe isn’t exactly a yes, but i kinda hoped it could be, y’know? it’s—it’s totally cool if it isn’t. if you’re—if you’re not up for it. or…” he trails off awkwardly and grimaces.

billy takes a breath. “i’m up for it,” he assures steve with more confidence than he feels.

and steve absolutely beams at him. “yeah?”

“yeah.”

turns out steve not knowing what he was looking for meant he bought...everything.

as billy pokes through the mess he tries not to feel too apprehensive. or at least tries not to let it show. too much. he chews his thumbnail, picking up an eyeliner pencil with the other hand. it’s good shit, all the products are, with fancy names for colours and designer labels. it’s all leagues better than the drugstore clearance shelf crap he lifted as a kid. which doesn’t make this any less nerve-wracking.

“it’s been a while since i did this, so. don’t expect it to be, fucking, art or anything.”

steve shuffles closer from his spot at the foot of the bed and touches billy’s knee. “the eyeliner earlier this year…?” he gestures vaguely at his own face, eyebrows raised.

“friend of mine did that,” billy mutters.

and then his whole goddamn life came crashing down around him because of it.

his anxiety spikes, and he drops the pencil back into the pile, shoving the bag away. “i can’t fucking do this,” he snaps, and he’s halfway standing already when steve reaches for him, alarmed.

“billy, wait—” the hand on his elbow is soft, gentle, but he still flinches away. steve withdraws, fingers curled, lips parted, shock and hurt at war on his face. “i’m sorry. i—shit, i’m sorry—”

“don’t.” billy shakes his head, pulling away further. his lungs hurt. there isn’t enough air in this room. “just—forget it. this was a mistake.”

he’s through the door and heading down the stairs before he can think about it, before steve can respond. he wouldn’t have heard him anyways, not over the echoes of his father’s voice that follow him no matter how fast he flees.

but he stops just short of leaving. stands on the ugly little mat by the front door and stares down at it, his forehead inches away from resting against the wooden doorjamb.

he doesn’t want to leave.

he doesn’t want to go anywhere but back upstairs.

and...he kind of hates it. he has no reason to want that. he barely fucking knows steve, and he certainly doesn’t owe him anything. not a look at his authentic self or even a fucking apology. nothing.

so why does he want to give him all of that and more.

why.

it’s fucking terrifying and ridiculous and confusing and…

“billy?” steve calls out tentatively, far enough away that billy doesn’t startle. he’s making his way down the stairs.

if he’s gonna run, it’s now or never.

now…

or…

he turns around, and leans back, his shoulder thudding heavily as he hits the wall. his eyes itch, and rubbing them doesn’t help.

“billy…” steve’s right in front of him now, hovering just shy of being close, worry etched into every line of his face. “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have pushed, i’m sorry—”

“not your fault,” billy mumbles, muffled against his palm. “stop apologizing, harrington.”

steve sucks his bottom lip between his teeth. “i...uh.”

“you were gonna do it again weren’t you.”

“...no.”

billy snorts quietly, head falling against the cold wallpaper at his back. “fuck,” he exhales, hand dropping to his shoulder. “look, this is...threatening to be the best fucking thing that ever happened to me, and good things don’t just—it never lasts. it always blows up in my face, and you should know that before you get caught up in it too.”

there’s an awful, drawn-out pause while steve purses his lips and tilts his head and looks billy up and down, his gaze gentle despite the scrutiny.

“i want to touch you,” steve says quietly. he waits for billy’s hesitant nod before he wraps his arms around and tucks his face into the crook of billy’s neck. “i’ve been waiting for you my whole life, hargrove, you’re not scaring me off that easily.”

and...billy always wanted to believe in the romantic notions people wrote about in songs. soulmates being destined for each other. epic, unconditional love. he never had any reason to believe it was real, but he clung to it anyway. despite the part of him that was wary, afraid of putting too much stock in something that might break his heart later on.

so for steve to just outright say it like that…so matter of fact. the reality of the situation smacks him in the face a little.

he puts his hands on steve’s waist, slipping under his shirt to rest against soft bare skin. touching him feels...right. when he lets himself feel, lets himself be here, in the moment. the sweet scent of steve’s hair, the warmth of his breath, the soothing pressure of his fingertips smoothing the wrinkled fabric of billy’s shirt. it all adds up to a feelings that billy can only describe as home.

not home like the place, but home like the warmth of sunlight and sand between his toes, ocean spray on his lips. a feeling he’s always had to chase to capture, but somehow it’s...here. quiet and still, and nothing like he’s used to, but it’s here.

and his touch seems to put steve at ease as well, he practically melts into billy’s embrace, which does strange and addictive things to billy’s heart.

but he can’t just shut his fucking mouth and enjoy the moment.

“bet i could, though. scare you off. i might, some day.”

“billy,” steve sighs, and pulls back enough to look him in the eye. “trust me when i say, you’ll never even make the top ten scariest things i’ve seen.”

and he wants to scoff, or feel insulted, or push the issue, start a fight, but. there’s a hollow look in steve’s eye. it’s not the face of some sheltered rich boy who thinks he’s a big man, no, there’s truth there. billy believes him.

stopping the tide of questions is almost physically painful, but he knows there’s no going down that road today. he’s hiding enough of his own skeletons to be sure they aren’t ready for that yet.

he might just be ready for something else though.

“i wanna try again.”

steve blinks at him, confused for a beat, two, and. “oh!” his lips part around the exclamation, distracting billy for a moment. “the—the makeup? you don’t— you don’t have to.”

“i want to.” he hesitates, and then presses a brief kiss to the tip of steve’s nose, startling a smile out of him. billy grins back. “i want to.”

[haikyuu-scenarios-drabbles]

Shower Friends (Miya Atsumu x F!reader)

The dorm you live in has co-ed bathrooms. Why that’s remotely a good idea is beyond you; and recently, your precious shower time is being interrupted by a certain blonde haired setter for the volleyball team. When he lies to his teammates that he has a girlfriend, somehow you get roped into his scheme. 

genre(s): college!au, fake dating, angst, fluff, mutual pining, enemies to lovers (kinda), eventual smut (maybe) words: 3.8k

a/n: i got so carried away with this and i don’t even know if Atsumu is in character or not so please be gentle. chapter 2 coming tomorrow 🤗

taglist: @apollochjld @kurosarium @vicassa

Chapter One

All you want to do is shower in peace. It’s the reason why you wait until the dead of night to avoid any unwanted visitors. You don’t let yourself admit that another reason you wait until the entire floor is asleep is that you live in the building that has a co-ed bathroom. Why anyone decided that was a good idea is beyond you. Throwing a bunch of horny, drunk college kids in the same bathroom seems like a disaster to you, but that’s not really your problem.

Thank goodness they had the sense to put two doors in front of each of the showers. One complete door with a lock leading to a small space to dress and hang your towels before a much flimsier shower curtain. If it had just been the curtain you might’ve resorted to taking showers in one of your friend’s buildings that is not co-ed.

Though about five minutes into your shower in the silent bathroom, you hear the curtain of the stall next to you slide open and the shower turn on. Without thinking, you blurt, “Do you have to choose the one directly next to me?”

Atsumu jolts at your voice, forgetting he can’t just assume the other person in the bathroom is a guy. Muffled by his shirt being pulled over his head he retorts, “This one gets the hottest.” Honestly, he wasn’t expecting anyone else to be in here at this hour.

You nearly drop your shampoo at his voice, hyper-fixating on the fact that you’re practically standing naked directly next to this guy, the only thing separating you being the shower wall and the lock on the outer door. It’s just a few weeks into the semester and up until now you haven’t had a problem with someone showering right next to you, most people deciding to leave a stall between you, both of you doing your best to ignore the other. And definitely not speaking to each other.

Though, you suppose you were the one to speak first here when you could’ve kept your mouth shut and pretended like it didn’t bother you.

“Can’t you go one night without burning your skin off?” You say, knowing full well the stall next to you is like water from hell.

Atsumu can’t help smirking despite that you can’t see him. “Nope, already naked.” Something clatters on the other side of the wall and he stifles his laugh that you must’ve dropped something.

Snatching your dropped body wash, you angrily scrub yourself clean and decidedly do not think about the person next to you.

Thankfully, neither of you speak a word to the other for the remainder of your shower.

Though your stomach drops when you both turn the water off at the exact same moment.

“Please tell me you didn’t do that on purpose,” you groan, hurriedly grabbing your towel to wrap your cold body.

“Okay,” he says with a shrug. “I didn’t.” He knows that doesn’t sound very believable, but he’s pretty sure no matter what he said you wouldn’t accept it.

Scrubbing at your hair you try to keep your voice level. “I’m not leaving until you do.”

“Now it sounds like yer tryin’ to get a look at me.”

You ball your fists, resisting the urge to just storm out of the bathroom. Like an idiot, you’d assumed nobody would shower at this hour and all you have with you is your towel. Normally you bring a change of clothes with you, but of course the one night you don’t, you have a shower buddy.

The brooding silence emanating from your stall is enough for him to let out a small laugh, then conceding, “Alright, alright—I’m gone.”

“Thank you,” you breathe, feeling your growing anxiety about this entire situation melt away. At that, you hear his door unlock and the soft padding of his feet walking away. On his way out, he takes one last glance at the final stall where you’re still waiting, then blows a wet strand of his hair out of his face and heads out.

You wait a few minutes after his footsteps have faded then peek your head out of the stall to a blissfully empty bathroom. Letting out a deep sigh, you hold your towel tightly to your chest and scurry back to your dorm room knowing you’re going to go to sleep tonight thinking about the strange boy you met in the shower.

Hopefully you never have to deal with that again.

~

Of course, you’re very wrong. Not even a week later, you enter the bathroom only to ram directly into someone exiting. And this person is shirtless, their lean muscular frame on display for anyone to ogle at, a towel slung around his hips in just the right way that makes your heart pound without permission.

He catches you so you and all your bathroom supplies don’t tumble to the floor and you reflexively steady yourself with your palms on his chest before you realize what you’re doing. He smirks down at you, eyes glinting mischievously and drawling, “Ya know, I think you might’a done that on purpose.”

Immediately, your heart stutters to a halt in your chest recognizing that lilting, teasing voice. Pushing yourself off his chest and slipping into the bathroom behind him you snap, “You wish.”

Atsumu’s eyes widen, connecting the dots. Though the expression is transient, quickly settling back into a smirk that you think is even more irritating than before. “Takin’ a shower at this hour again, you sure yer not looking for me?”

You frown. “I take showers this late to avoid people!” Then you turn on your heel, done with this conversation and step into your favorite stall (which Atsumu astutely notices is the same one as last time). You take a quick and admittedly angry shower, doing a poor job of trying to forget your newfound annoyance.

Something about him is familiar. And you can’t put your finger on it. Not until you get back to your dorm room and your roommate is practically bouncing off the walls. You stare at her confusedly and she exclaims, “Did you see Miya Atsumu on your way to the bathroom? Oh my god—please tell me you did. He was wearing a towel and that’s it!” She squeals and tips back into her bed hugging a pillow tightly.

You don’t know why, but your initial reaction to realizing your shower nuisance is Miya Atsumu, is to laugh out loud. Your roommate gives you a startled expression until you say, “Yeah—yeah I saw him.” While she blabbers about how “insanely hot” he is, you shake your head at yourself. Miya Atsumu, the setter for the university’s volleyball team that lives on your floor and that your roommate is an avid fan of. He also has quite the gaggle of girls that are in love with him. Thankfully, your roommate isn’t so infatuated with him that she’s a member of the fan club but judging from her demeanor right now she’s well on her way there. You huff, admitting that yes—by looks alone he’s a head turner but you can’t imagine that personality being a winner amongst the club. Or maybe that’s his charm, you don’t know.

Though, after attending a volleyball game a week later, you’re certain his fan club is based on his looks alone. You have to keep yourself from snorting when he’s about to serve and raises his fist to silence the crowd, everyone complying except a few fan girls who cheer for him as he serves. Afterwards, he shouts at them from the court, telling them to ‘keep yer traps shut!’. They listen for the rest of the game and surprisingly, are no less in love with him then they were before.

What you find even more impressive than his ability to silence an entire crowd, though it pains you to admit, is that he’s good at volleyball. Really good. And your roommate seems to be the Atsumu fact machine as she tells you that he’s on Japan’s radar to play professionally and is here on a sports scholarship. She tells you she wouldn’t be surprised if he has to stop playing for the university in order to start playing professionally.

“How come you know so much about him?” You ask offhandedly, chin resting in your hand as your eyes are trained on the court below. You forced her to sit with you near the back of the stands in hopes he won’t see you because if you ever run in to him again in the bathroom you’re sure he’ll never let you hear the end of it.

She flushes at that, toying with a strand of her hair and mumbling, “Um, I went to Inarizaki High where he went and uh—kinda had a huge crush on his brother. He has a twin.”

You lift your brows at that information. No wonder she’s squealing over Atsumu, who probably looks exactly like his brother. You decide to prod a bit further asking, “So was the fan club just for Atsumu back then too?”

Now she laughs. “Nope, it was the Miya twin fan club. Terrifying really. Imagine that,” she nods her head towards the group at the front of the stands, “But double.”

“Fun.”

You haven’t told her about your run-ins with Atsumu in the bathroom yet. And part of you wonders if now would be a good time. You’d been holding off in fear that she was secretly in love with him or something, but now that you know it’s very much the opposite, you really want to tell her. As you open your mouth, the whistle blows calling the game, and you’re overwhelmed by the need to leave before the team lines up to thank the spectators in fear the Atsumu will recognize you. It’ll have to wait until later you suppose.

~

The second you hear someone enter the stall beside you, without even seeing him, you know it’s Atsumu. And for a few blessed moments, you’re led to believe he’s going to keep his mouth shut for the duration of his shower.

When Atsumu entered the bathroom, upon seeing that the last stall on the left was occupied at this hour, he could be pretty certain it was you. And who was he if he didn’t take the chance to push your buttons a little bit? You make it so easy for him, it’s hard to resist. Your hopes are crushed when you hear him say, “Enjoy the game last week?”

This time, you fumble with your shampoo not because he startled you but because of all the things he could have said, that was the last thing you were expecting.

“My roommate wanted to go,” you say, glad he can’t see you and your flustered expression. It’s the truth, and you’re definitely not going to admit you were a little curious yourself.

“Oh, did she?” He asks, brows raised as he lathers his hair with soap.

Judging by his tone, he doesn’t believe you. So, some part of you decides to dig your hole even deeper without realizing it, trying to explain, “She went to your high school, so she wanted to see you play again.”

You foolishly thought that would take the suspicion off of you. However, it does the opposite. Now he’s even more interested. “And what did she tell you about me, hm?”

You freeze, scrambling for something that doesn’t make you sound like he’s been on your mind. Though you convince yourself he’s only on your mind because he’s annoying and you try to avoid him every time you take a shower nowadays. “She told me your school was really good and that you have a twin brother.”

He frowns momentarily, unsure how Osamu somehow weaseled his way into this conversation when you’ve never even met him. Instead of letting that piece of rivalry he’ll carry with him forever show, he prods a little further, hoping to get a ruse out of you before you inevitably storm out of the bathroom and he has to wait until your next unplanned meeting to talk to you more. “And what’d ya think? How good am I?”

You laugh, shutting him down immediately. “I don’t know a damn thing about volleyball.”

Though you don’t think you really have to know much about volleyball to see he’s good. That notion backed up by the information your roommate gave you that he’s here on a sports scholarship and is being scouted by professional teams. But you keep your mouth shut, unwilling to boost his ego any further.

Turning the shower off, you step out and start drying yourself off. Not entirely sure why, but you continue the conversation much to Atsumu’s surprise. “I liked watching though, it was fun,” you say quietly, pulling your pajama’s on, regretting saying anything at all instantly and wanting to get out of there as soon as possible.

A grin rises to his lips, but before he can get another word in, he hears the door of your stall unlocking and the telltale sound of your footsteps walking away. Scrubbing at his hair, he can’t help wondering what this strange little relationship growing between the two of you is.

~

At this point, you’re beginning to think he’s doing it on purpose. You can’t imagine anyone else wanting to shower this late unless it is solely to come bother you like he seems intent on doing.

“What are you just waiting around for me now?” You groan at the sound of the bathroom door opening, not even waiting for him to enter the stall beside you, already certain you know exactly who it is.

He scoffs, “No, practice went late and I’m tired and sweaty. Maybe I think yer the one waitin’ around for me.”

“Gross.”

“That’s what the shower’s for, sweetheart.”  

“Let’s agree not to talk, shall we?” You huff, intent on ignoring him this time.

“Watch it, I might start to think you like me or somethin’,” He teases, but he’s only met with silence. He lets it go, too tired to care much or carry on a conversation anyways. After washing his hair, he grabs his body wash and realizes to his dismay that it’s completely empty. He can barely get a lather out of it. He stands there for a few minutes debating if he should bother you again, eventually deciding to hell with it.

Out of the blue, he says, “I’m out of body wash.”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

He ponders that for a minute, truly not sure what he expects you to do about it. “Can I borrow some?”

“You’re going to smell like a girl,” you laugh, actively shoving down the small voice saying: ‘and he’ll smell like you’.

Without thinking, he replies, “Well, maybe someone will think I’m fucking one then.”

The silence that yawns between the two of you is deafening as you try and wrap your head around what he’s just said. He balls his fists, mentally yelling at himself for letting something like that slip.

“You’re not?”

“Is that hope I hear?” He teases, shifting the conversation back to more comfortable territory.

You groan. “Please.” Then step out of the shower and reach under your door to slide your body wash under his door.

“Smells nice.”

“Shut up.”

He puts forth a valiant effort to not think about you while the pleasant scent fills his shower, forcing his thoughts towards volleyball. Different drills. The new play he learned today at practice. How the ball feels in his palm when he spikes it. Anything but you and this damn body wash that smells like you that he’s lathering across his chest at the moment.

In the end, it’s a pretty futile effort.

And maybe he goes to bed thinking about how he smells like you and he…likes it.

~

Unable to get a hold of his emotions, he refuses to go back to his dorm where he’ll be subjected to the same treatment from his roommate. After all, his roommate is on the volleyball team too. So, the only place he can think of to go to cool off is the bathroom. He haphazardly shoves the door open, the thought that someone else might be in here at this hour—namely you—is drowned out by the rage clouding his vision.

Retrospectively, that was a mistake. Honestly, shouldn’t he know by now?

Regardless, he storms in, yelling “Fuck!” his hands curling into his hair in frustration. Lately, the team has been relentless in their jabs that he can never get a real girlfriend, even with a whole group of them clambering over each other for his attention. And he only made the jabs worse today by somehow pissing off his fucking fan club making the entire team adamant he can never have a serious girlfriend. Not with how much of an ‘asshole’ he is.

He groans, tugging at his blonde strands, regretting everything that came after that. He’d done a stupid thing. A really stupid thing. He’d told them he does have a girlfriend.

And he very much does not.

Atsumu scares the shit out of you, barreling into the bathroom, roaring at the top his lungs in frustration. You were at the tail end of your shower, pulling on your pajamas and at the sound of his voice you banged your head on the towel hook with how fast it whipped up.

Furious, you rip open the stall door shout, “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

His head jerks up, landing on you standing there in your pajamas, caught off guard that someone else is in here and of course it’s you. Of all the people to see him like this, you are the absolute last he wants to see. You both stand there staring at each other for a moment before he composes himself, letting an easy smirk cross his features and shoving his anger far enough down that he’s able to reply, “Practice was shit today. Nothin’ to worry yer little heart about.”

His stomach twists into knots as your expression doesn’t change, clearly not believing him. You can’t explain it, but there’s something deeper swimming in his eyes that makes you think he’s lying. And it’s enough for you to press further, doing your best to ignore the fact that you might actually care.

Shoulders drooping, his smile fades and he grimaces, not wanting to admit to you his mistake. But you just stand there, arms crossed, expecting him to give you a real answer and eventually he cracks.

“I did something stupid.”

“Tell me why I’m not surprised,” you deadpan, but continue to stare at him expectantly.

“You could at least pretend to be surprised.”

You’re relentless. “Spit it out Atsumu.”

He blinks, unsure if you’ve ever actually addressed him by his name before. But the thought is fleeting as the embarrassment of what he’s about to admit to you overwhelms him. Knowing you, you’re just going to laugh in face. And what’s the point? He’ll just be solidifying what he’s sure you already think about him.

After a moment, he tells you anyways. “My teammates think I’m too much of an asshole to have a girlfriend.”

He watches your expression morph into confusion. “I don’t see the problem here.”

Gritting his teeth and gripping the edge of the sink, he can’t even bear to look at you. He feels so fucking ridiculous. Why do you even care? Your only interactions with him thus far have been laced with annoyance, why have you now suddenly decided to take interest in his life when you so clearly don’t like him?

“I told them I have one.”

He tries not to groan when you reply, “I’m still not following.”

Does he need to spell it out for you? “I don’t have one,” he manages to choke out, a lot quieter and more pathetic than he’d like.

If this had been the first time meeting him, you might’ve laughed. Hell—you still kind of want to laugh. But seeing him like this is so jarring, you aren’t quite sure what to do with yourself. It’s clear this is something that bothers him deeper than he’s admitting. And a couple weeks ago, you would’ve never thought you’d be standing in a deserted bathroom with Miya Atsumu discussing the failures of his dating life.

“Why don’t you just ask one of the girls dying for your attention?” You ask, feeling a little grimy about the suggestion.

He seems to feel the same. “I don’t…it doesn’t feel right. They’d think it’s real.”

You keep it to yourself that despite what his teammates have said, that is a very non-asshole-ish thing to do.

He keeps staring at you, gears turning his head. Asking someone in his fan club feels wrong to him…but asking someone to fake it seems like a better option. And who better than the person standing in front of him right now? But you can see exactly what he’s thinking, beating him to it and crossing your arms saying pointedly, “No.”

“Aww come on! Why not?”

“Don’t you think that isn’t fair to me?”

He ponders this a moment. “What—you got yer eyes set on someone else or somethin’?”

“N—no! I just,” you splutter.

He has to hook you, otherwise he’s thoroughly fucked. The thought of enduring the brunt of his teammates teasing for who knows how long if he shows up tomorrow empty handed is enough to make him offer, “I promise to stop taking showers at night!”

Your brows lift, turning the idea over in your head. The prospect of taking quiet, uninterrupted showers is too good to pass up. And it isn’t the end of the world to pretend to date him for a few weeks. What could possibly go wrong?

So, with that, the deal is sealed. You and Atsumu are officially fake dating and your story is not far from the truth. You met in the bathroom a couple times and hit it off, it’s believable enough. Your roommate might be a bit chuffed you kept it from her, but she’ll get over it. Probably the second you divulge her in any insider information about Atsumu she’ll forget you were hiding him from her.

He tells you to meet him at the gym tomorrow afternoon. “Wear somethin’ cute!” He shouts at you as you exit the bathroom.

Over your shoulder, you give him a look that unexpectedly makes his heart stutter in his chest as you cheekily say, “Shouldn’t my boyfriend think I look cute in anything?” Then you disappear around the corner and he has to shove the thought that you do look cute in your pajamas to the back of his head.

[rons-wheezely]

Honey Boy || Cedric

[requested!]

Genre: Fluff!!! Expect your teeth to rot :)

[muggle!reader] [cedric x reader]

Summary: Traditional muggle baking is a favorite past time of yours, although many students are prejudiced against it. A certain boy always liked your baking though, and that’s the only thing that matters. “I had a friend of mine teach me, but I doubt it’s as good as yours.” “It’s absolutely stunning.”

A/N: I’m combining the two requests because sweets + fluff = a recipe for a good Cedric fic lol also I’m so sorry that this fic took me forever!! Once I started writing, it never really stopped so it ended up being kind of long, I hope that is okay!

--x--

When you first came to the Wizarding Academy, it was like a dream come true. In the following weeks, however, it proved to be a little bit less than that. “What are you wearing?”

You stare blankly at a fellow student. “My robes, of course. Why?”

“No, I meant the things on your hands.”

“Oh,” you look at your hands. You’re wearing oven mitts, the ones your parents bought you to take to the academy. You often borrowed the Hogwarts kitchen after hours, so to see you like this is no surprise. Every once in awhile, however, some curious student or the other will waltz by and scrutinize you. “These are oven mitts. It’s a muggle thing.”

The students nods slowly, still trying to understand the reasoning behind it. After a while, the student leaves, mumbling to themselves about “why not use the wand?” but you didn’t pay any mind to it, most kids leave the same response anyways.

You finished up cleaning the countertop area, this time with your wand, reciting an incantation one of the many house elves taught you. They had their own magic, but since you were so keen on using the kitchen, it became a staple rule to clean up after yourself. It swirled around and swept up all of the mixing bowls into the air, letting them dance themselves all the way into the sink. The stainless steel sink bubbled with warm water and soap, busying itself with scrubbing each dish that comes its way. 

You smiled happily to yourself. Someone cleared their throat behind you, and you froze. Everything stop mid-production, like a pause button. Paranoia ate away at you, wondering who it could be this time. Perhaps it was a professor, with a scowl on their face and yelling to the heavens. Or perhaps it was another student, a silent stare creeping on the back of your neck.

You turned around, scared out of your wits, only to be met with a disarming smile and yellow accented robes. “I thought you’d be here.” Cedric Diggory smiled at you, and the anxiety melted away with it.

“Really? How come?”

“Tori said just as much,” he walked closer, looking around the room in wonder. Slowly, you resumed the cleaning process, watching how his eyes lit up at the scenery. “I was going to ask if you wanted to study, but,” he chuckles,” it seems like I’ve come at a bad time?”

The oven beeped, catching the attention of the both of you. You rushed over frantically, throwing the oven mitts back over your fingertips. “Actually–”

You open an oven left somewhere in the far corner, letting the delicious scent of baked goodies fill the empty room. At once, Diggory was enraptured in consuming aroma that drifted by. “You came right on time,” you said as you gently take the tray out.

He eyes the tray curiously, watching you fan them to cool down quicker. You only wanted it to cool down faster so that he could have a bite, but just seeing you dramatically fan the goodies brought a smile on his face. “–I wouldn’t say right on time, it’s probably more like a few minutes early, but if you’d like I have–”

“Of course, y/n.” He looks at you,” I’d be more than happy to try them.”

It’s not until hours roll by and an empty tray of goodies gone did you realize how late it became. You sat upright and stiff, a shocking revelation dawning on you. “We never studied.”

“Oh y/n,” Cedric’s nose nose scrunched up as he tried desperately to hid his smile. He failed miserably, letting his lips curl up in delight. “It’s a bit late now, isn’t it?”

“It’s no use, I suppose...” You tapped on your chin as you thought of a solution. “Maybe we can study together tomorrow? The exam isn’t until Friday, right?”

“I’d like that.”

That night you lay awake, the comfy sheets tangled between your legs. You can’t sleep, and thoughts drifted in and out of your head restlessly. As far as you knew, Cedric was a pureblood. But he never judged you, not once, about anything muggle related. It’s kind of liberating; to feel so welcomed in Cedric’s presence. 

Your body grew too warm for the bed, tossing and turning as you did so. Your cheeks were hot to the touch, embarrassment leaking out of your pores. It was only a fleeting thought, but then it lingered and then oh, how it wouldn’t go away. Cedric is kind hearted, so much so, that it had touched the very depths of your heart. The little inkling thought that made your breath catch in your throat was the fact that maybe, just a little bit, it would be nice to love a boy like him. 

A couple of days later, you found a new recipe that reminded you of Cedric. You busied yourself in the kitchen, letting the joy of baking for another fill you to the brim. After a battle of wits against the mixing machine, there was finally a moment to pause. The sweet scent of chocolate muffins consumed you and left an itch to share the funny butterflies in your stomach. Fresh out of the oven, you wrap one of the muffins up. You neatly tuck the sweet treats into your bag and flurry down the hallway.

If you want him to try it at its peak performance, you need to deliver it while the muffins are still warm. The hallway doesn’t have many students, but you spot your friends, Fred and George.

“Hey Fred,” you smile, half out of breath. “–and George too.” 

They smirk when they see you, already lining up a flurry of tricks to play. The Weasley on the left spoke up saying,”What’s the hurry?”

“Yeah, what’s the rush?” The twin on the right said.

“Would you happen to know where,” you pause. Breathing seemed to take its time coming to you. “..where Diggory might be?”

A unified “ooohhh,” sung out from their mouths. Regretfully, you could see it in their eyes that they knew. You liked the boy, didn’t you? With a whistle, George says,” Last I checked it was the Quidditch field.”

You murmur a small thanks and rush off towards the fields. Your footsteps thundered down the corridors, an aching feeling settling in your toes. Baking is one thing, but running across campus? No thanks. And the butterflies. There were so many of them fluttering around, sputtering things that warmed up your cheeks. You wonder how so many butterflies could fit into one stomach, but you digress.

When you reach the fields, Cedric was coming out of one of the tents. Your eyes meet, and his smile practically sweeps you off of the ground. “Hey,” he says as he walks up to you.

Cedric pat his face with a towel, a sheen of shiny sweat rubbing away with the soft fabric.

Immediately you can feel the heat rush from your body to your face. The comfort of his presence juxtaposing your uncomfortable stance was very foreign, but it helped to ease your nerves. “I... I made you some muffins. It’s good luck for the upcoming game, you see.”

His eyes widen just a bit, watching as you frantically pull out the muffin from your satchel. You reach out to hand it to him. Thankfully, it’s still fresh and warm, and the tingling feeling is hot on your fingertips. A gentle,”Thank you,” reaches you ears as he softly takes the baked item into his palms. 

You see a teammate call out to him. You want to talk to him more, having only spoken about two sentences, but to your dismay, the better part of you knew better than to keep him to yourself. He turns back to you, the same look on his face.

“I know I’ll love it y/n, don’t worry. I’ll tell you how it tastes later, yeah?”

You nod and watch as he jogs off, hurrying to grab his broomstick. The next week flew in quickly, and the flurry of wizarding homework drowned out all of your free time. As silly as it was, you didn’t have any time to bake now that exams are around the corner. 

Light leaks in from the castle window, pouring in to fill the room. Dust basks in the warm sunlight, the particles bothersome to your occasional sneezes. Why does the Hogwarts’ library have to be simultaneously the best and worst place to study? 

Hours tick by, and the fatigue is starting to kick in. You’ve been staring at your textbooks for hours. “Ah,” a voice chimes in. “There you are.”

Your droopy eyes immediately shoot open, and you look up to see Cedric. “Oh! Hey, Diggory.” A smile creeps on to your face, unable to hide the relief and joy you found in his presence. “What are you doing here? I thought you were studying with Cho this afternoon?”

He looks down at the ground while his robes silently swayed with his movements. He’s grown awfully quiet, so you thought there was something on the ground. You glance at where he is looking, but there’s nothing to be found. “Cedric?”

Your words snap him back to reality. Red starts to flood his cheeks, and his eyes widen at the sudden jolt. “Ah–– s...sorry!” He stutters. He sounds nervous, but the way he carries himself and moves so fluidly, it looks effortless. His fingers have a mind of their own as they kindly closed the heavy textbook and find a way to your hand. “Come with me, will you?”

And of course, how could you say no to that? 

He leads you somewhere quiet. It’s one of those outdoor hallways, but the scene is empty with nothing but stone and the sunset sky. Your heart beats a little faster when he stops. His figure stands tall, but it takes him a minute to look you in the eyes. Warily, he pulls out container. 

“I’m not the best at baking, I know,” he chuckles,” but I wanted you to know how much I appreciate the things you’ve done for me.”

He holds out the package, and when you open it there is a miniature cake inside. Despite the concept of a mini cake being delicate, wonky handwriting is scrawled and piped on top. It’s barely legible, so you squint.

“It’s supposed to be honey cake, but uh... don’t be surprised if it doesn’t taste quite right.” He says. “I had a friend of mine teach me, but I doubt it’s as good as yours.”

You two stand there in awkward silence until finally, you understand the words on the cake. “i like you” is what it says. Suddenly not only did the butterflies come back, frogs were also caught in your throat. The boy you liked.... likes you back? 

“You... you like me?” The statement that leaves your mouth comes out as more of a question, the shock and confusion stunning your senses. 

He nods. “Do you... like the cake?”

“It’s absolutely stunning,” you breathe out. Of course you would like it, Cedric Diggory made it for you. 

He hands you a fork and motions you to sit on the stone ledge. You do so numbly, eager to taste. You take a bite and let fluffy texture fill your heart and soul. “Cedric, it’s delicious! I love everything about it.”

You glance at him, and maybe it’s just you, but his face is a breath away from yours. Warmth radiates between you two before he breaks the silence.

“..Can I kiss you?”

It was sweet like honey –– sweet like him.

--x--

A/N: oh boy that was a long one...... Definitely inspired by some honey cake I had lol

[beomglocks]

terror ave. ; c.bg

warnings and other: um?, theres a serial killer, murder is mentioned, nothing too detailed, not proofread bc i wrote this at 4am

"we advise everyone to be in complete lockdown as there have seemed to have been reports of a serial killer gone loose in the area. so far no one has been injured but we suggest taking extra precautions tonight. please do not go outside during this time. lock your doors, close your windows, and turn off all the ligh-"

frowning, you look down at the tub of ice cream situated in between your legs. you lick the ice cream from your spoon as the rest of the news report gets drowned out by your thoughts. wait- shit i think i forgot to lock the back door... you shrug. you forgot that you had invited your neighbor beomgyu over, earlier in the day. he had insisted that he had a cool new pokemon to show you on his switch and you, stupidly, allowed him to show you. to your dismay, it only turned out to be a measly skwovet.

"gyu, you can literally catch these at route 1. you know, in the beginning of the game?" you had told him with a disappointed look on your face. "you're on your 5th gym."

he had gasped in offense, bringing his switch closer to his chest to shield the creature from further judgment. "y/n how dare you! it's the cutest pokemon in the game so of course, i went back to get one. don't you think you're being too mean?"

you giggled to yourself remembering the little back and forth. you've been living alone in your current house for only a couple of months. you were surprised your parents let you move out and have a whole house in the suburbs to yourself considering how strict and overprotective they were. upon moving, you quickly befriended choi beomgyu, the literal boy next door. he had offered to help you get your couch through the door and proceeded to eat his melting chocolate bar on said couch. from then on you and him have been best friends ever since, sometimes having him sleepover or vise versa.

you weren't worried about some rando serial killer in your neighborhood since nothing ever happened to you. you were convinced you weren't the main character.

from your couch, you looked outside to see that beomgyu's lights were already turned off. he must've gone to sleep early. your eyes catch the clock on your wall and you subconsciously yawn when you see how late it is. 1:56 am? damn... i should probably go to sleep too.

you pick up the tub of ice cream and take it back to your kitchen. its fucking chilly in here. you rub your arms as goosebumps start to form on them. you peek around the corner of the wall dividing your kitchen to where the back door is located. it's slightly cracked open and that raises some bit of concern in your head. again, you shrug. you remember beomgyu leaving out the back door since he liked coming in from the back instead of the front. an odd quirk of his that you never got to question him about because every time you tried he would simply smile at you cutely and say something like "its cool that's why."

you walk over to the door while being cautious about where you step since your house was pretty messy. you shut the door and sigh, dragging your body towards the living room again to turn the tv off. the news reporter was just about to give more instructions but frankly, you're too tired to care.

now that the tv was turned off you felt a weird sense of loneliness. the white noise being emitted from the screen becoming a bit too deafening to your ears to handle. you switch the tv off properly and toss the remote somewhere on the couch.

you walk up to your bedroom while scrolling through your Instagram feed. you laugh at the caption of beomgyu's latest post because it's alluding to the argument you both had earlier and type a comment hoping that he'll have time to read it when he wakes up.

when you reach your bedroom you toss your phone haphazardly on your bed and flop yourself into the sheets. today was fairly unproductive but that's been the premise of your days lately. you wonder how you manage to do absolutely nothing yet feel the weight of 10 thousand bricks on you back.

you sigh as you feel yourself slowly drift off to sleep but a noise in the room next door startles you. if you had been fully asleep you probably wouldn't have heard it but you're sure you heard a noise even in your half-asleep state. you sit up in your bed pulling the sheets closer to you. you decide to hold your breath in case you hear another noise or if you're just being delusional and sleep-deprived.

you wait for a while and after 5 minutes you don't hear anything. you sigh quietly but before you can settle back and get back to sleep you hear another noise. ok, you know for sure you have no roommates and beomgyu always tells you he's coming over before he does. the room you're hearing the noises from is the storage room where you keep all the extra furniture and miscellaneous items that you haven't had the chance to use or set up yet so nothing should be moving in there. you also recall the movers checking the house for any squatters since that seemed to be more common than most people would think. that day you had been happy and relieved to know that there was none of that in the house.

a thought crosses your mind that it could be the serial killer that's on the loose currently. if that's the case then the killer is in your house, a few feet away, in a room that has old kitchen knives that you decided don't need to be displayed.

you stare at your door while reaching for your phone. you can hear the person walking around the room and dragging the knives across the wall in a menacing manner and that's when the anxiety finally kicks in. your eyes start filling up with tears at the thought of a deranged serial killer being just a couple feet away from you, literally a wall away.

you feel your phone graze your hand and grab it shakily, slowly getting up from your bed. you don't wanna call anyone right now since the walls are thin, the killer might hear you then it's really game over. once you get to your bedroom door, you push it open so painfully slowly that you just wanna sob right there. you hate that something like this is seriously happening to you.

the killer doesn't seem to be out in the open yet. you figure they're still deep in the storage room. that gives you some time to get out of your house and maybe run to a police station or something. you walk out into the hall and cautiously walk down the stairs hoping they won't do that annoying thing where they creak in intense moments. thankfully though, you make it down the stairs.

immediately, you bolt out of your house. you don't know why but you have the sudden idea to ask beomgyu for help. you run to his house and ring the door repeatedly, you don't care if you're being annoying. you look back at your own house and all the lights are still turned off except for your bedroom lights which you left on. hopefully, the killer isn't persistent and won't come looking for you. you turn back to beomgyu's door and keep ringing the doorbell hoping his ass will wake up since you know he's a heavy sleeper. "come on, come on. fucking choi beomgyu, come on!" you whisper anxiously.

suddenly the door swings open and an angry but half asleep beomgyu is standing there. his hair is disheveled and his face is scrunched up in confusion and drowsiness. you push past him and jump on his couch covering yourself with one of his pillows. "y/n? what the fuck are you doing. it's like 2 am?" he shuts the door, walking over to you.

"is everything locked? the windows? the door just now?" you look up at him, biting your lip. "yes everything is locked and look," you watch him walk back to the front door and lock it. "now the door is locked. mind telling me why you bum-rushed into my house at the ass crack of dawn?"

"gyu-" you can't even manage to get a proper sentence out because a broken sob leaves your mouth rather than words. you walk up to him and hug him tightly. you don't care that you're probably soaking his t-shirt with your tears, you need him to know that you really care about him and you were almost permanently separated from him today. "y/n?"

"gyu t-the killer. the s-serial killer! he's in m-my house right now," you sob even harder into his shirt and you're glad he feels warm because those 2 minutes of ringing his doorbell out there made you almost freeze to death. especially since you're only wearing your pjs which consisted of a t-shirt and short shorts.

you feel him hug you back and you sigh shakily as he rubs your back to comfort you. "y/n," he says simply. you pull away from him, which you immediately regret because you start to feel cold again. "w-we need to call the police," you wipe your tears harshly but to no avail, since they just keep falling against your will.

you take your phone from your pocket and start to dial but beomgyu takes your phone from you and pockets it into his sweats. "y/n, i've never seen you cry. you look so pretty when you cry," he leans closer to your face and you flinch when he brings his hand up to caress your cheek before wiping a stray tear from it.

"gyu, we need t-to call the police! it's not the time f-for games. give me my phone please," you move his hand away from your face and motion for him to give your phone back. he chuckles right in your face, mockingly.

"please, she says."

you watch expectantly as he takes your phone out of his pocket but feel your heart drop with it as he lets it fall to the floor with a deafening crack. if that wasn't enough, you watch in disbelief as he stomps on it with force, effectively rendering it useless.

your eyes start to fill with tears again and the sinking feeling that beomgyu isn't gonna help you starts to settle. "w-why," you blubber. you fall to the ground in defeat and confusion. you don't even have the strength to run to the door to get proper help because you felt you had no energy after watching beomgyu turn his back on you.

"ever since you moved here i've had my eye on you. i really like you y/n. scratch that, i love you y/n. the other girl that lived in the house before you was boring so i had her killed off within the first week of her moving here. i mean she was pretty but you're gorgeous, i like you much more." he lifts you off the ground and examines your face to see how your taking in this information. you can't even speak because of the burning sensation in your throat from trying to hold back your tears so hard.

"i bailed that asshole killer out of jail and hired him to kill people for me," he continues. "didn't actually wanna get my hands dirty."

he moves you to sit on the couch as if this is just another normal conversation between friends. it finally clicks in your head what's happening and you stand up and snap at him. "what the fuck gyu? i thought you were just a regular person what the fuck is wrong with you!" you begin to walk to the front door but he grabs you with a force you've never felt him use before.

"y/n really? i've been protecting you this whole time!" you can sense that his patience is thinning. "all this time! when we walked to the store and those guys catcalled you, i had them killed. that guy that hit on you in our seminar class, he's gone!" he smiles wickedly and you hate the fact that he still looks like your adorable best friend.

"y/n you're the only for me. im sorry i scared you but i knew if the serial killer went to your home you'd come running to me," you feel him rubbing your hand soothingly and you pull away from him with disgust.

"don't touch me! i'm going to the police, this is fucking sick." before you can even reach the door you hear something click. you feel a cold metal around your wrist and when you look down you see that beomgyu has handcuffed you to the door. "you're not leaving y/n, do i really have to do this to you? i've been waiting for months just for you to run away?" he whispers.

"beomgyu let me go right now," you seethe. the anxiety you felt before is only heightened when you look around and catch someone leaving from your house. "beomgyu please," you resort to petty pleads.

he pouts at you, "don't worry y/n i'm not gonna hurt you, i would never." he gives you a tender kiss on your forehead before standing up again. 

"i just want you to myself that's all."

[dylanxmin]

painkiller ∣ 5 ∣ j.hs

breakups are habitual, ordinary maybe even easy for some other people, and maybe it could be easy for you, too, if you haven’t been dumped by your boyfriend after finding out that you were pregnant. no, it wasn’t easy even a bit. and a stranger who wants to be your side doesn’t make this all easy for you, at all.

pairing; jung hoseok x reader

genre; angst, fluff, humor, pregnancy au, strangers to lovers au, single!mom au, slice of life au,,

warnings; little high on angst, swearings, mention of abortion, mention of adoption, mention of miscarriage, unedited(rlly sorry about this)

word count; 5k+

rating; nc17

a/n; heyyy, it’s been a month since i last update this story and i only blame my finals, my sudden lost of muse, and some side effects of my life but there it is, freshly served, angsty episode!! ion know how did this come out but im feeling positive for the next episode! so,,,, hope you all enjoy reading this part, and as always, i do really appreciate a little comment soooo... lol, love y’all  ♡

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‘‘Yes, can we have a brief explanation about the story of our current project?’’ 

‘‘Miss Y/N?’’ 

‘‘Y/N?’’ 

Light, red and yellow mixes and crushes down when something hard nudges at your shoulder and brings you the reality. Shake of your body startles Namjoon, who was nudging your shoulder to wake you up. Pairs of eyes currently stares at you, wide, curious and surprised, too, as no one expects you to fall asleep in the middle of an important meeting. But, you did anyway. Surprising yourself with such an action, yet you lost control of your sleep schedule way before this meeting, so you weren’t that ashamed as the sleep still lingers around your head. 

Blinking, blinking, blinking for a couple of times before your vision loses its blur, and the faces look way better to your own eyes. Shock still fresh on their faces, a weird sound rises by your throat as you try to clean it before talking. Namjoon holds his laugh back, but you can see it in the redness of his cheeks and the veins that struggle under his skin. 

‘‘I-’’ you clear your throat, once again as it comes hoarse from sleeping. ‘‘I’m sorry, can you say it again?’’ Mr. Lee stares directly into your eyes, he opens his mouth but closes again. And you know you will try to drown yourself in the sink if the corner of his mouth hasn't curled up. 

You sigh, before he asks again, and listens to your explanation. You try to keep it smooth, and once you start to talk about your work, all the sleep leaves your head, enthusiasm fills it place. 

You love your work. Falling asleep doesn’t mean the opposite. 

‘‘I swear to god if you won’t stop laughing, Kim-’’ 

‘‘But..- but you told the story of our new game, drool drying on your chin, with such an enthusiastic manner.’’ Namjoon’s giggles cut himself, palm hangs in the air, other on his knee. A manager who is in his thirties enjoys his coworkers suffer, laughs his lungs off. Such a mature man. You sigh, hand curled around the cup full of water for you to go to the bathroom after. Countless times. 

Fingertips pinching the tip of your brows, you stand on the kitchen side of your office. Shame still red on your face, you barely able to hold yourself back from either crying or smashing the cup on your friend’s head. Which, you like the last option very much. It’s a shame that you possibly couldn’t do that here. Maybe later, on one of your movie nights. 

‘‘I think it was cute, though.’’ the man in his much more formal clothes rather than his usual sweatpants and his shirt enters the kitchen side. Brown hair brushed neatly on the left side, his features look good. ‘‘Don’t pressure yourself anymore. I’m sure they are used to these things.’’ 

‘‘Thank you for helping my self-reliance to gather itself, but I don’t think it’s that simple, Damien.’’ imitating his smile, even though it’s more faint then he has, you sigh once again. Taking a spot on the table, you let your head fall on it. ‘‘I was literally drooling all over myself. Ugh… such a mess.’’ 

Another laugh escapes by Namjoon’s lips, but he pats your head also. ‘‘Damien is right. You know Jihoon and Yeona will be cool about this.’’ 

You scoff. ‘‘Yeah, but I don’t refer to them by their first names as they are the Ceo’s of this company. Like you,’’ 

‘‘Then you shouldn’t refer to me with my name, too, as I’m your boss.’’ an annoying smirk alive on his mouth, he swipes his body on the table. Gulping down his coffee, his stares never leaves you. Something hot, almost burning coils in your chest. Reminding you red, as you stare at him back. Mouth wrinkled, your breath felt heavy. 

It was anger and you didn’t know how to pressure it back where it came from. Even before your pregnancy, you weren’t good with handling your emotions, but now. With so many hormones not knowing what to do, you were even worse. Sudden crying sessions, constant fury always ready to burst out, and the sneaky, dark anxiety getting you at the worst moment, where you were alone and in the dark. It was hard, and too much. Even before being pregnant, and while being pregnant. You weren’t good with them. 

‘‘You know what, I decide not to cook for you anymore.’’ heartbreak flashes in Namjoon eyes, you crossed your arms over your chest. ‘‘You can buy your own chicken breast from somewhere and eat that shitty sauce.’’ 

‘‘Ouch..’�� Damien who is currently watching the cold vibrations coming from you, stays silent after your gaze lands on him. He is scared, and not ready to be the next target of your stinging tongue. Though, it doesn’t last that long. 

Once you see the tremble of Namjoon’s lips, and his hug follows his sorry’s, your coldness melts away. Shame creeps back, sits heavy as you lower your head on the table. But before you can dive in your bad scenarios in your head, brutal yet familiar bickering starts when Nara enters the kitchen, after she takes her place on the table. Her nose crinkled with disgust while waiting for Namjoon to end his insults, only to throw another to him. Damien tries to cut them off, but it’s useless as he gives up and rests his back on his chair. Hesitant stares gather on you, only to tear them apart while you pretend like you didn’t notice. 

Yet, you don’t want to suffocate yourself with your thoughts, you raise your head, eyes meeting with the brown haired man. Because you don’t and probably can’t break that cold war between your friend and Nara, you find your escape on Damien. 

‘‘So, we have to prepare a meeting for you to put a suit on?’’ cocking your brow high, you ask. His surprise fades after a moment of waiting. Maybe because you aren’t the warmest person or because of the effect of your friends that filled your head with the idea of him having some feelings for you, you never attempt to talk with him first. Not that he isn’t a decent man, but more likely, you weren’t into him and did not want to make a wrong move. For him to get the wrong idea. 

But maybe you are being stupid for believing your delusinal friends about his feelings, and he just wants to be friendly. Though, it’s good to not risk anything, right?

‘‘Suits just not my type, and also, who is wearing these other than him?’’ Damien points Namjoon, who is in a deep, hurtful conversation with your other coworker. You tear your eyes from him to land on Damien once again, his smiling this time. Wide, eyes imitating it. ‘‘Also, doesn’t it hurt your feet? You weren’t wearing heels for a long time.’’ 

After he mentions it, your feet start to pulse with pain. Embarrassment clouded all over your other senses, but his words bring them back. And you wrinkle your face in pain. Of course, it hurts. How it won’t hurt while your feet try to set themselves free by growing bigger inside of its cage and the process isn’t an easy one. Though, these whining are the last thing for your coworker to hear so you simply go with a soft smile. 

‘‘Yeah, a bit but nothing I can’t handle.’’ 

‘‘Oh okay then. Good to hear.’’ he leans closer, eyes gleaming like a child in his pre-mischievous stage. ‘‘Just in case, I have a pair of nice sneakers waiting in my closet. All comfy and less deadly.’’ 

Mirroring the act, you also get close to him. Palm covering the side of your curled mouth, ‘‘I will consider it, but why are you acting like you were selling drugs?’’ whispering the half of your words, you cocked your head aside, watching his face wrinkle due to his growing smile. And seeing him from this side, you realise how good looking he is. Radiant smile adds more point to his charisma as he does, eyes narrow but curls cutely on the ends, and for a second you just stare at his side profile. His spotless skin dips on the cheek as his dimple wants to show off. Thankfully, when he starts to talk the silvery sheet goes away, to your luck. 

‘‘Well, we won’t want other heel wearers to come at my desk for my fancy shoes, right?’’ 

Nodding, you point your finger at him as if he made a good point. ‘‘I see… Of course we wouldn’t want that, of course.’’ 

After the short break, everyone turned in their work the same as you. And you find yourself so tired after talking about the details of the story of your current game with Heejin. Trying to find reliable reasons and motives is hard for some time, as you continue to work on the specific character’s choices in the game, and why and exactly how they should do is sometimes irksome even when you have someone who tries really hard to help you. Yet, you know you can’t put all the weight on Heejin’s shoulders as the poor woman barely had some sleep because of the pre-cold effect. 

When she sneezed for the fourth time in the last five minutes, you had to stop and be sure of her well being. Putting your palm on her clothed arm, you mimicked a smile to look sympathetic rather than annoyed. Even though you were a little bit. Thankfully, she doesn’t have to know that. 

‘‘I know I asked this before but are you sure you are okay? Maybe you should take a rest for the rest of the day. Obviously, you need some.’’ 

She looks hesitant at first, eyes widens at your words but she covers it with a faint smile and nods. ‘‘Oh, I’m okay, I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me.’’ Heejin bites down her lip before continuing again. ‘‘Did I annoy you? I’m sorry, I just took a pill, so I think that will make me better in a couple of minutes.’’ 

‘‘No, no…’’ pulling your hands in the air, you shake your head in denial. It did bother you but not much for her to apologize for being sick. ‘‘I just wanted to check on you, I’m not… disturbed. It’s okay.’’ 

Your half reassurance works barely, as she tries to lower the voice of her sneezes after that. And everytime, a drip adds to your growing guilt. As Heejin is younger than you for three years, and you have been working here longer than her, it puts some stairs between you two and now with that, you fix the ice between you two. The ice that you have been trying to melt from the first day she was here, and now, thanks to your pregnancy hormones, it started to build once again. Not just with Heejin, but everyone around you was walking on eggshells around you as your rage came out of nowhere, so sudden that sometimes it even shocks you. But for a stupid reason - well, it’s not stupid as you are pregnant and that played with your emotions -, you couldn’t control the sudden change of your feelings. 

One second being calm and the other being tense did tire you for sure as senses flow through every nerve you have. Breathing exercises merely helped, and that led you to staying away from the people around you. As sometimes words come out rude before you can realise. And nobody deserves that kind of attitude, even the ones you know from your childhood. 

For that reason, you turned down Taehyung’s offer to come with you as you know that owing to his nature, he will do something silly to make you angry or stressed even when he does it with all his good intentions. Some days, even when you are in your usual state you can’t stop being bothered by him, and you had no intentions to taste it today. Which, nothing was normal in your current mental state, so that’s for the best. 

Driving past the now familiar streets, you learned a new thing: Driving with a jean without opening its button can be hard, as you have to undo the button while your stomach growls in need. While your stomach become visible, looking like you ate too much for your stomach to handle, sudden thirst for stupid cravings increased day by day. Sadly, it affected your friends as much as you. 

In the middle of night, you woke Yoongi up for him to get you apples, pickles for Taehyung and last but not least, ice cream for Namjoon. As your cravings decide to choose the oddest times, three of them find the solution to fill your fridge until there is no space left. Well, after you sat on your kitchen floor and cried they had to eat some of them with you, as they basically called you fat by doing that, and paid for it. For them, they just wanted to make sure you get what you want but at this point, what they thought barely mattered. 

‘‘Okay, that was tiring.’’ you whispered through your exhale, while parking the car. For the records, parking turned into a hell show for you as going further and back, further and back, further, further and back has your nerves strain like a string. Though, you never liked it anyway. You were ready to leave your car, but the ringtone of your phone cut the act. 

‘‘Hey, mom.’’ 

‘‘Nope. Your voice sounds the same, rather than I thought so.’’ sighing, you brushed your face by your palm. Words like a needle on the skin, your mother always knew how to use them. ‘‘Well don’t ‘ahhh’ at me. As we barely speak, I obviously expect to forget your voice, tell me if I’m wrong.’’ 

Nodding as if she is able to see you through the phone, you put your head on the wheel. She was annoyed as it was very clear by her high and thin tone. 

‘‘Yes, Ma’am.’’ your reply earned another high pitched warning from her so you had to calm her between your giggles. ‘‘Okay, okay… You’re right, Mama. I should call you more but you know work and everything keeps me busy. But I will try my best, promise.’’ 

‘‘Apology accepted. But even though I know you prefer to talk about work, and the video thing you adore talking about, I’m most likely interested in my baby’s baby. So, how’s the pregnancy going?’’ 

This is the exact reason why you didn’t call her more than you did. As she is very interested in your life and interior with it, of course pregnancy will be the same. And you couldn’t ignore the things you can as she will talk about them, will want to know about them and give some advice from her past experiences. Not that you will need any of them, but of course as you postponed everything, you did the same thing to this topic, too, and left your mother in the dark. You will run as far as you can. 

‘‘They called games, not video thing but it’s your choice.’’ while thinking of it itched your tongue, you swallowed all the tensing thoughts down, and ready yourself to talk. ‘‘And the… pregnancy is going good if we don’t count the constant eating, peeing, crying, being tired twenty-four-seven, not fitting in my favorite clothes and all the pain it put me through.’’ 

She laughs as if you just told the funniest joke she heard. Cocking your brows, you run through what you said to make her laugh this much to fail. 

‘‘Ohhh, my baby. Stop talking about this as the things are all bad. You have a baby in your belly, your baby. They will become your everything, and mostly good things because you will love them more than anything you can. Believe me, I could die in return for your laugh. A bubbly, vivid laugh. Ahh… remembering it made me soft, right now.’’ 

‘‘Trying to be unbiased about gender, I see?’’ 

‘‘Well, I don’t want to affect the baby.’’ 

Though you want so bad to ask how that could actually affect the baby, you stay silent. All the baby talk is already pulling you down, it is better if you can stay out of the gender topic as much as you can. Not that it mattered, you thought. 

‘‘What do you mean? Why it wouldn’t matter darling?’’ 

Huh? 

Clearly, you weren’t thinking, but murmuring under your breath as your mom heard it. When you hit your head on the wheel, the horn startles you both. Fixing your posture, you answered your mother’s hurried question. 

‘‘It was horn, I’m in the car. Yes, yes I’m okay, don’t worry. I’m at the hospital- No, no- Mom, for the appointment. Yes… yes, for the baby. I will talk to you later, okay? I will call, I promise- Yes, I promise. Okay, love you, too.’’ 

You sigh once again. A loud one. 

You do hate lying to the woman who would do anything you want, but you know she is not ready to lose her grandchild, yet. You are not ready for the speech you will receive, also. Not that it will be harsh or critical, you just are not ready to accept the whole thing. Yes, you still had problems with the whole pregnancy thing even though you made your mind with adoption. You still had thirty weeks to go, and that won’t go fast. Not in a normal time, or in the pregnancy. 

Head full of blurring thoughts, you missed the man who shakes his hand from afar. The black haired man’s smile faded as you passed by his side without sparing a glance. Too busy with thinking how to calm your mother after you give her the news. The news that she won’t have a grandchild anytime soon. Fuck… that’s gonna be hard. 

Well, maybe not hard as much as the door you decide to welcome it with your face rather than opening. A loud thud, and muffled curse under your breath, instinctively you checked your nose if there is more than the pain you feel, as there is no blood you calm down, shoulders drop their usual place. Apparently, you were conscious enough to lead yourself to the floor where your doctor’s office, past the stairs, and find his door but when it comes to open the door you fail. Tears sit on your eyelids at once as you close them due to the pain that crushes your sight. Trying to massage your nose bridge barely helps but giving it a try won’t hurt, you think. 

‘‘Oh my, are you okay?’’ from your closed and blurred eyesight, you can’t choose who is the one talking but his voice lets you know that he is your doctor, Seokjin. ‘‘I heard a loud thug but couldn’t understand it was a human until you groaned. Are you okay, you bumped your nose? Let me get a look at that.’’ 

Not forgetting to thank him while he guides you inside his office, now you are able to open your eyes and set the tears free as they go down. Seokjin sits you on the white sheeted chair, handles your head to go right and left as he scans your face and nose behind creased eyes. He looks really concerned, more than you, and somehow it puts you on a stage where you feel like you have to make him sure that you were okay and nothing was wrong. It still feels weird when someone gets concerned over you more than yourself, as who would care for someone more than one’s self so it’s still vague. 

‘‘I-I’m actually okay. I didn’t hit that hard as it sounds, it doesn’t even bleed so…’’ wry smile is all you offer him as your voice trails down when his eyes meet with yours, a bit keen rather than you thought they will. 

Seokjin sighs with a line between his brows but he lets go, and when he puts a decent distance between you and himself, professionalism settles in his features as he adjusts his tie. 

‘‘It does look okay, but make sure you put some ice when you can as it could leave a bruise behind.’’ he smiles, both sweet and very technically. As he practiced it for every client he had and now performing it without any difficulties. It looks natural. ‘‘So, tell me how are you feeling? You should still have the early pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness, sleep issues, and more likely they will hang around for a few more weeks. But it’s more important if you have a symptom that comes unnatural or unbearably painful for you?’’ 

After taking two deep breaths, you feel ready to give him a reply. Nose still throbs by the hit but it’s faint now. 

‘‘Uhm…- yeah, other than the ‘expected’ symptoms, I don’t feel like something is wrong, or not supposed to happen. No more painful urination, though I still need it frequently.’’ you grimace lightly as you share, shifting a bit. ‘‘But yeah, I’m okay.’’ you try to wipe the fresh embarrassment with the non glowing smile you had in your storage. Probably he should but you still don’t know if he needs to know that you choose adoption. As he is your doctor, and the one who is taking care of you and the baby, you know that he must know about it, but unpleasant eerie stops you from doing what you should.  

Old habits die hard, that’s for sure. 

‘‘Excellent. It’s good to hear that everything is going on it’s way, and today, as now you are in the tenth week of your pregnancy, I’m recommending you a genetic test in case there is any birth defect.’’ 

‘‘What is that?’’ even though Seokjin was done with talking, you utter so fast that it feels like you interrupted him, as you shut your mouth with wrinkled brows. It was just getting tiring day by day with all of these tests, things to do and not to do, being extra careful because you have another living creature in you to take care, more than yourself. No more selfish, damaging, stupid choices can be done as your body no longer belonged to you. At least not only to you and this was really, really tiresome. 

As he was expecting this, Seokjin comes up with some papers as you can understand them. ‘‘As I said before, it’s a test to acknowledge any kind of defect in the baby. These tests take two forms: screening tests and diagnostic tests. And a screening test tells you the likelihood that your baby could have a birth defect; a diagnostic test tells you with more than ninety nine percent certainty whether the baby has the disorder.’’ He explains more as you take the papers from him, scanning the words but they are almost identical as Seokjin continues with his further explanation. The blank eerie gets heavier and heavier the further he talks, and when he comes to the risks, it feels like your pulse palpitates on your throat. Tearing your eyes from the papers that sit on your lap, you stare at the man who is still talking. 

‘‘There is small risk of miscarriage, that’s why you need to carefully consider tha advantages and the disadvantages of these test before you make any decision, even it’s small.’’ 

A slap to the face, a weight falls on your stomach after Seokjin is done with his statement. Mouth hangs open, you stay still, silent as the Doctor waits patiently, now he is behind his desk, sitting his hands intertwined. As if he knows the new information would put a heavy dullness in you as he searches your every movement, yet you gave him hardly any. 

‘‘Do I… have to?’’ 

The idea of taking these tests would be tiring is there but the cause of your nausea is not just that. More likely, it’s the idea of losing something. Even though that something doesn’t belong to you because you never wanted it, and nothing has changed since then. Whether it's the guilt of knowing everything caused because of your recklessness, or it’s because you feel obligated to give the baby a good life due to your current maternal instincts - you hardly say you had one -, whether it’s beside you or far away from you, you feel the suffocating necessity. Even if the risk has one percent chance, you can’t take it. Maybe it’s odd to push your one percent chance to become free with the back of a hand, but that would be running away, and both of you already had one runner in your lives, and the baby wouldn’t need another. 

‘‘I know it sounds scary but you can take your time, you don’t have to do it now. You can search it a bit more about the cons and pros but I never had any problems with my former clients if you need any consolation. And you can always ask for me more.’’ 

Chewing your bottom lip, you still look at him in the eye like you need to give him an answer. You do trust your doctor but that doesn’t mean that you purposely rejected the idea of getting abortion while you deal with an unwanted pregnancy only to come across with a risk of miscarriage. Of course it is always there whether you do the test or not, but that's nearly a consolation. 

Nodding, you put all the papers in your bag before leaving the doctor’s office. Biding your goodbyes after ending with this week control. 

You come to the hospital with a dazed head, and you were going to leave it even more wrecked. But you just needed some air, somewhere to ease the wave of emotions that is going through your head. To catch your breath, you adjust your route to the cafeteria in the outdoors. Maybe, that could help you somehow. 

Not temporarily, but taking fresh air in your lungs somehow helped you. The phone call you had with Taehyung while you were at the verge of tears, too, and you sit in the cafeteria during all of these. Mimicking the doctor's words to your friend and Taehyung had listened to you, hang on your every word as much as he can on the other side of the line. Tried to console you, said that things will be alright and nothing bad will happen as if he was as sure as his name. And momentarily, you believed him. Both because you needed it, and he was being a good friend and you didn’t want him to feel useless. 

For good or ill, now, your heart is resting in ease. 

Well at least it was until you see a glimpse of dark uniform in the corner of the wall, and then a familiar face you haven’t seen in a while. A smile that softly shaped as heart, causing your heart to palpitate fast but in a much different way than the news you learned today, or the idea of your mother's future disappointment. It’s more thrilling and in a way even scarier than the other two options. As the opposite of how familiar the face is, the reason for your heart going this insane was abrupt. Even odd when you think the very less time you spent with the owner of the familiar face, yet it was there, forcing you to gulp down, consume every emotion he forced you to feel. 

Contrary to what you expect - and you didn’t know why you were expecting him to be happy after seeing you - his face falls, the shape of heart shutters around his mouth. And to your shock, it put needles somewhere near to your chest. 

The last time you saw him, the atmosphere was intense as you shared things that normally you wouldn’t do with a partially stranger but with him even though feelings were gloomy, you weren’t uneasy. And to you, when he was consoling you, internalizing what you were telling him, he wasn’t disturbed. At least he didn't look like that. But, the more you size him up, the more you get sure of his strange disturbance. And it did burn. Smoke choked you down, and put tears on your eyes. Fucking pregnancy hormones…

Not aware of your action, you caught your hand in the air, in the middle of a shake as Hoseok greeted you by the tiny bow of his head. And expecting more cutted harsly, as a knife in the gut. 

Whether it’s because of your blind act, or whether he feels obligated, Hoseok comes closer to the table you were sitting, leaving the person behind he was talking to before he saw you. With every step, you breathe another air to gather your confidence a bit high, but it’s useless as your hands start to tremble under the table, fortunately away from his sight. 

‘‘H-hi,’’ no matter how much Hoseok tries to sound friendly, it’s not, and you can hear in his voice as it comes out broken. His eyes are still deep and candid but not glowing the way it fascinated you when you first saw him. Still, you greeted him with a tight smile, wave of your hand small. 

‘‘Take a seat-’’ pointing the available chair, you cut yourself to say something else. To correct your words. ‘‘I mean if you want… of course,’’ 

To your surprise, he holds the chair to adjust for him to sit on. But everything feels so forced and awkward that you can’t stop wondering if you said something to him and cause him to feel uncomfortable around you. Your brain works so hard to scan the memories of that day, but you fail to find something so disturbing to make Hoseok shift in his seat, a line between his brows and a noticeably insincere smile. 

It takes minutes for someone to talk first and scare the clouds away only for a moment. 

‘‘Are you waiting for your appointment or has it already finished?’’ 

‘‘Ah, yeah, it’s done. I just needed to take a moment and fresh air because…’’ your voice eventually trailed off as you realised he just asked to look friendly and probably doesn’t want to hear your whelming emotions anymore. ‘‘of stuffs, you know.’’ 

Hoseok nods, his mouth thin as a line, and even though it shouldn’t, it breaks your heart. Yes, this man owes you nothing, and of course he doesn’t have to sit there and listen to how sorry and depressed you feel over the things doctor Seokjin have told you, but it still hurts to see him this… joyless. The curiosity burns deep and wild as you desperately want to know what the hell you did to make him this anxious, but your mind barely helps as you wander in the empty field. 

‘‘I should probably get going-’’ 

‘‘It’s been a while-’’

Words clashing and drowning one another, silence takes over and Hoseok abruptly stops above his chair as he was about to leave before you parted him. And now he looks at you with wide eyes, fear in his chest growing big as your bottom lip trembles for only a second but he catches it. 

He sits back on his seat with hands on the air. ‘‘Oh, yeah, it’s been a while since we last saw each other.’’ he says but you know it’s out of pity, and you would rather die than crumbling under his gaze. So you shake your head with a false smile, though hammers work in your chest. 

‘‘Ah, don’t mind me. Go ahead, you are probably busy and have so much to do. So, you can leave, seriously.’’ 

‘‘No-, no, no, Y/N. I’m sorry, I want to stay and talk to you, really. I really am sorry for acting rude.’’ 

Maybe because the look on his face, or the warm tone of his voice, you decide not to pressure him to leave after you ask if he really wants it for a second time. But he nods and smiles, and this time it reaches his eyes, a hot pink blossoms in you. 

Though, before either of you can say anything, a touch at your back stops you. You hear the breathy voice before you turn your head. ‘‘Ahh, finally I found... you. Care to explain why you are-...not picking your phone?’’ 

And when you turn over, you see a panthing Yoongi. His hand on his knee and looks at you with concerned gaze. Then, they leave you only to land on the man on the other side of the table, and Yoongi’s eyes go wide. 

He extends his hand in a non-moving shake to the air. ‘‘Oh, hi. Sorry to butt in.’’ he stretches his hand towards him, the ghost of a smile appears on his lips. ‘‘It’s Yoongi,’’ 

Voice deep, and it takes long to draw out when the man in dark uniform mirrors the act. ‘‘Hoseok.’’ 

[haileyyanneupton]

close my eyes

CHICAGO P.D | JAY HALSTEAD X HAILEY UPTON 

WARNINGS: MENTION OF SEXUAL ASSAULT, MENTION OF BLOOD

She had known for a while that he was her world. The way he looked at her made her stomach do backflips, every time his hands brushed up against her she would feel the tingling linger for what felt like forever. She would catch herself thinking about him all the time — after working herself into the independent and self-assured person she was, the fact that he was consuming her every thought was infuriating.

It had been a hard few days for Hailey. The intelligence unit had been working on a case involving a family who had been the subject of a robbery-turned-homicide where only one person survived — the seven year old daughter. Hailey had been the first one on the scene along with Vanessa after the two of them had offered to work patrol one night, the two women being the ones to discover the massacred mother and children. The mother had been raped and the surviving daughter sexually assaulted, leaving the intelligence unit to take on the case right after the crime scene was cleared.

"There was nothing we could have done, Hailey," Vanessa reminded the blonde haired woman gently after finding her standing over the sink in the locker room later that day. "They were gone before we even got there."

"There's a little girl who's all alone now. What's going to happen to her? She's only going to be thrown into the system and forgotten about — you of all people should know that."

"I do know that, but it still doesn't make it any more your fault."

"Maybe not. But I'm still the one who had to break the news to her today."

Vanessa frowned at the woman as she rubbed circles on her back comforting before giving Hailey some time alone, not knowing that Jay had been inadvertently eavesdropping from the other side of the lockers. As he came out and around, making his presence known, he watched as Hailey stared sadly into the basin as droplets of water fell from the forever leaky faucet.

She had always been there for him when he was going through a hard time. From flashbacks from his time in Afghanistan to when his father had passed away, his partner Hailey Upton could always be counted on for support. Hailey wasn’t one to show her emotions — Jay knew that — so seeing her standing here the way she was, so stressed and upset. . . it broke his heart. In more ways than she would ever know.

“Hey,” Jay’s voice was soft as he called out to his partner lightly. “You okay?”

Hailey flinched in surprise, though the motion was so slight that only she had noticed it. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”

Jay seemed unconvinced, but the man didn’t want to push it. Hailey already seemed fragile enough to him since this case had started — it seemed that it had well and truly shaken her to the core.

“Well, you. . . you know if you. . . if you need anything. . .”

“I know.” Hailey forced a smile towards her partner as she ran her hands through her hair, turning to face him. “Thanks, Jay.”

As Hailey went to walk out of the locker room, Jay placed a hand on her shoulder in passing causing her heart to pound inside of her chest. At a time where it was crucial that she was on her a-game, a time where she needed to concentrate on solving the case, all she could think about was Jay and how much she was in love with him. How much she didn’t want to be in love with him, yet how much she loved being in love with him — the word love was floating around far too much in the woman’s mind. Never had she ever felt so vulnerable around another person, but with Jay — it was like her walls were melting down like hot wax and she wasn’t even aware of it.

In the end, the seven year old that Hailey and Vanessa had found at the house ended up having an aunt back in Indiana came and picked her up. Despite the fact that she knew now that the little girl had luckily avoided the system, despite the fact that they had put the guy who did this behind bars, Hailey still found herself feeling uneasy. She knew it was partly because of her feelings for Jay looming over her — after all, that one had been sticking around since before the case started — but the other part was something that left her hands shaky. You see some bad cases on the job — particularly in intelligence — but this one had hit her like a freight train and then dragged her heart along for the ride. The other part of what was leaving Hailey feeling unsteady was what she had seen that day with Vanessa. And while Vanessa could process it by talking to people about it, (Hailey knew that ‘people’ really meant Kevin though, and all of the nights she had come home after midnight after ‘talking’ really meant something else) Hailey wasn’t one to do that. She hadn’t ever been one to do that. In a way, it made her feel like a hypocrite — a quality she hated about herself.

Hailey was sitting at home alone one night later that week, part of her missing Vanessa as she went to go and ‘talk’ to ‘people’ for the third night in a row, when a knock sounded at the door. It had caught her off guard to say the least, the noise echoing through to her bones as she instinctively felt for the gun holstered on her hip, resting a hand atop of it just in case. It was always just in case with Hailey.

Keep a bottle of hand sanitiser in your locker just in case you need to clean your hands in a pinch. Keep an extra box of tampons in your purse just in case you, or someone else needs one. Keep a pocket knife in your shoe in case you need to cut something open. Keep your gun on you just in case someone attacks you. Keep your guard up just in case someone tries to stab you in the back. Keep other people out in case you hurt them.

Just in case.

The last one always seemed to do more damage to her than to others, but Hailey could live with that. She had lived a solitary life for so long, pushing away everybody — particularly the men — in her life for so long that whenever she considered letting someone in, alarm bells started ringing and her brain flashed red.

When she didn’t answer right away, the person at the door knocked once more, this time with a bit more force as Hailey snapped out of her trance and cautiously headed to the source of the noise. Standing up on her tip-toes to look through the peephole, the face of her partner staring back at her bought her anxiety down for a moment, before it peaked at an all time high once more. This was the first time since she had realised her feelings for the man that he had been to her house. Her house. Alone.

“Well, are you going to let me in, or am I going to have to get hypothermia first?”

A small chuckle escaped Hailey’s lips as she unlocked the deadbolt on the door and opened it up just wide enough for the man to come inside, a dusting of snow from the cold Chicago winter covering his dark hair. As the door closed once again with a distinct click, Hailey took notice of the bag in Jay’s hand and glanced between him and said bag with an eyebrow cocked.

“I bought drinks, but we’ll talk about that later. For right now, I want to know if you seriously were going to see how long you could make me stand out there before my heart stopped and I froze to death. Because if you were, well. . . that’s not very nice.”

Hailey rolled her eyes at Jay playfully. “Yes, I took a while getting to the door because the world just revolves around you. I couldn’t possibly be doing something that didn’t involve waiting for you, Jay Halstead.”

“I knew it,” Jay grinned toothily. “Anyway — I bought us some beers. Figured you wouldn’t mind the company considering Vanessa has vanished into thin air again.”

“She’s with Kevin.”

“She told you that?”

“Oh, hell no. I just know.”

Jay shook his head with a smile. “Of course you do.”

Hailey ran her hands through her hair before resting her hands on her waist comfortably, glancing up at Jay for only a moment before her gaze fell back down to her feet. Deep down, she knew why he had come. She hadn’t hidden the effect this case had had on her as well has she’d hoped, but she still wanted to ask.

“Why. . . Why are you here, Jay?”

Her attempt at making her question sound less harsh than it was failed miserably as his expression changed slightly, the sparkle in his eyes dimming as he stared at her with a hurt expression.

“I was worried about you,” he answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I guess I wanted to check in on you.”

“Thanks, but I don’t need a babysitter.”

The sparkle dimmed some more. “I know you don’t, Hailey. I never said you did. Sometimes it’s nice to have company when you’re going through something — you’re the one who taught me that, remember?”

Hailey didn’t answer, instead shifting her weight awkwardly as she favoured her other leg and bought her hand up to her opposite arm, rubbing it absentmindedly.

“I’m okay, Jay. You can go home, enjoy your night. We just closed a case, you shouldn’t have to listen to me.”

“Are you kidding?” Jay moved closer to Hailey, their shoulder’s nearly touching. “Hailey, I’d listen to you talk about anything any day of the week. I just — I want to know you’re not forcing yourself to deal with this by yourself.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Jay. I don’t know what to say. I’m figuring some stuff out.”

“How about a beer and a friend while you do?”

He was trying so hard. She could see that. Hesitantly, Hailey obliged to the man’s request as she nodded her head lightly, the sparkle re-igniting in his eyes. As Hailey and Jay both went further into the woman’s house, heading into the kitchen, they both took seats beside each other at the kitchen island as Jay pulled out the beer he had bought. It wasn’t overly cold but thankfully wasn’t room temperature either — it was just right for Hailey, who had always run cold already, especially in the winter.

Dropping the bottle cap on the island, the circular object making a metallic sound as it spun for a second or two before settling, Hailey bought the bottle to her lips and took a swing. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her partner struggling to open up his own bottle which provided great amusement to the woman as she simply watched him try and fail. Finally he ended up sliding the bottle over to her with a pout, huffing when Hailey managed to open it on the first try without hassle.

“Show off,” Jay whined as she slid the bottle back over to him.

Hailey smirked at the man. “Grow some muscles then. Or are the ones you have just for show?”

“Don’t insult my muscles!”

Hailey cracked a smile as she and Jay shared in a laugh, each of them taking another swig of their respective beer bottles before Jay cleared his throat to begin to speak.

“Do . . . Do you . . . I mean you don’t have to but. . . do you wanna talk about it?”

Hailey recused back into her shell. “About what, Jay?”

“What’s bothering you. This case. Anything.”

A small yet still shaky sigh escaped her lips as she debated taking the man up on his offer. She wanted to get it out of her system — she needed to — but it was like she was repeatedly hitting some kind of brick wall every single time she tried. Start slow, she thought. Build up to it.

Slowly, she turned her head to face her partner but still refused to meet his gaze which held nothing but concern — though she didn’t know that. Jay just wanted her to be okay. He knew what it was like.

“What do you see when you close your eyes?” Hailey started, biting down on her lip nervously. “Because at the moment, all I can see is those kids dead on the floor. The bruises on that seven year old’s thighs. Blood. God, there. . . there was so much blood, Jay.”

Hailey bought a hand up to her mouth as she fought like hell to keep her tears at bay, Jay taking notice of the whites of her eyes slowly but surely turning red like they always did when she was about to cry. Jay had seen it only a few times before, but nonetheless — it was unmistakeable.

Jay placed a hand on Hailey’s hand, lacing his fingers in with hers as he gave it a quick squeeze for comfort.  “It’ll be okay, Hails. It’s not your fault.”

“I thought once there was somebody who wasn’t me to blame, it would be easier. But it’s not.”

“I know.”

Hailey took another sip of her beer as she turned her head away, the tears that had been collecting having no other place to go but down her cheeks. Once the tears fell it was as if the floodgates opened, a hiccuping sob taking her off guard. As if it were an automatic response, Jay stood up and wrapped his arms around Hailey from behind as she sunk into him.

She couldn’t help but think about how safe she felt with Jay. How perfectly their bodies melted together as if they were made for each other.

As his arm rested across her chest, holding her close to him, he couldn’t help but think about how much he never wanted to stop holding her. Because when she was close to him, he felt full and complete — when she wasn’t, the emptiness stabbed his heart like a knife over and over and over again.

“I’m sorry,” Hailey muttered out between her strained, quiet cries. “I’m sorry, Jay.”

“Hailey, don’t be sorry.” His voice was soft and tender as his chin naturally found its place on her shoulder, the chair she was sitting on giving her a height advantage she wouldn’t normally have. “I’m here as long as you want me to be, alright?”

Hailey nodded lightly in response. She knew she wasn’t thinking straight, she knew she was probably going to regret what she was about to do. In fact, she probably should have called ahead to Platt to have her transfer papers drawn up. But before she could talk herself out of it, Hailey hastily wiped her tears from her face before peeling Jay off of her and turning to the man with an anxious expression.

“Jay,” she began, her heart pounding so hard she could feel it pulsing throughout her entire body. “I need to tell you something.”

His eyebrows formed a V shape as he tilted his head ever so slightly. “Yeah?”

“Please just promise me that you won’t hate me even though you probably have every right to and —“

“Hailey, just tell me. I couldn’t ever hate you.”

She gripped onto the kitchen island beside her, feeling weak as the words spilled out of her.

“I think — I think I love you, Jay. And I know you don’t feel the same, and I know that this probably changes everything between us, but I can’t pretend it’s not there anymore. Not when you’re hugging me the way you were and making me fall more in love with you with every second. You don’t even realise you’re doing it!”

Jay met Hailey’s eyes for a moment before looking away.

“I never got to answer your question about what I see when I close my eyes.”

Hailey grimaced at the man’s statement, her eyes filling with tears and her heart preparing to shatter. He was changing the subject — he didn’t feel the same way. He was avoiding what she had said completely, pretending the words hadn't left her mouth.

“Really, Jay? If you’re going to —“

“Hailey, stop,” Jay placed a hand on her shoulder as she shrugged it off. “Do you want to know what I see when I close my eyes?”

Jay was met with silence as Hailey stared at a fixed spot on the wall.

“It’s you, Hailey. It’s been you since the first time I ever saw you."

hi so this is my first published oc oneshot, i hope you all like it! i write a lot and have since i was little but i get really nervous sharing my writing with people uhhhhhh.... if you do like it and want me to publish some more please let me know because i’d be really happy to post more!!!

READ PART TWO HERE

[myhockeyworld87]

Nervous Regrets - Tyler Seguin - Part 30

Word Count: 4,482

POV: Reader

Warnings: Language, giving birth

Notes: I’ve been waiting to write this one for a while. Sorry it took a bit, I’ve been struggling to write the last couple days. Hopefully that will change. Happy Reading!

Nervous Regrets Masterlist

The day after Tyler's birthday, your family and his surprised you with a baby shower. They'd taken over Jamie's house and had it decorated with pastel shades of pink and blue. There was a beautiful backdrop of sheer curtains, framed by balloons that said 'Oh Baby' on it. Over in the one corner was a giant teddy bear, holding up all the balloons looking as though he could float away. On the gift table was a huge balloon with little ones inside, written on the outside, was Baby Seguin and just seeing that made your heart melt. There were more desserts than you could count, cupcakes, cookies, chocolate-covered strawberries and so much more. It was a pregnant woman's fantasy that's for sure. There were both team pink and team blue drinks, for people to support whether you were having a boy or a girl. Everything was perfect, and the fact that both of your families, as well as your friends, were there to share it, made it even better.

Thankfully they didn't make you play too many games, but Jenna did have everyone write ideas for baby names since you and Tyler hadn't been able to agree on any. There were a few that caught your attention and you definitely put them on the list. They also played a guessing game with how big your belly was, which was embarrassing. When you finally got around to opening the gifts, there were so many cute outfits, that you couldn't wait to wear them all on the baby. Little onesies with puppies, elephants, and ducks on them. Tyler's mom got you the stroller that you and he had picked out which was perfect, as it always came with a baby carrier so now you had two. Your parents got you a deluxe pack-n-play, that had a changing area and a little bassinet area for when the baby was smaller. Of course, she prefaced the gift by saying that you could bring it when you came to visit them with the baby. Jenna and Anna got the baby a MommaRoo baby swing, that apparently was a must for baby from everything you'd read. There was a designer diaper bag from Cassidy and Candace and so many more gifts, that you were glad someone wrote them all down for you to send out Thank Yous.

 Tyler showed up at the end with Jamie, you weren't sure where the two of them had been, but he had a giant bouquet of flowers for you. They were beautiful white roses, accented with pink and blue miniature flowers. He handed them over, kissing you, and causing everyone to oh and ah.

 "So Ty, do you want a boy or girl?" Andrea, Ben Bishop's wife prodded. Your ears perked up as it was a question you really didn't know the answer to.

 "I mean obviously a little boy would be awesome so that I could teach him all about hockey and maybe be his coach someday. But like a little girl, man I would just spoil her rotten. Is there still a way to get one of each." Everyone laughed, and he wrapped his arms around you and the baby. "But seriously, I think we both just want a healthy little one, so boy or girl, it doesn't matter. Right?"

 "Took the words out of my mouth. Well, maybe not the twins part," You said with laughter in your voice. "Thank god we know it's not that."

 "Well whichever we get this time, we can always try for the other one next."

 "Trying to start the hockey team already, Seggy?" Taylor, Stephen John's girlfriend chirped him.

 "Always." The two of you went around thanking everyone for coming and for all the gifts that were brought. It was the best baby shower in the world and when most everyone had left, you showed Tyler all the gifts. Including the cute little Gucci baby shoes, you'd gotten. "Oh my god, these are so fly, our kid is going to be the coolest little one out there." Jamie and Tyler wouldn't let you touch any of the gifts as they loaded them up in the cars to take back to your place.

 His mom and sisters stayed in town to watch him play a game that night, even though he had to leave right after for a back-to-back in Nashville. He would be back the following night, but not for long before he was on the road again. It was nice to spend some time with his family. Jackie was a huge help in getting things ready for the baby. She made sure that you washed all the clothes that you just got in a laundry detergent safe for the baby and helped you get all the little details done for the nursery. You still had almost five weeks left before the baby arrived, but as Jackie said it was better to have everything ready since those last couple weeks could be trying and you might find yourself not wanting to anything but lounge around.

 Jackie and the girls were only there a couple short days, and it seemed like as soon as they left; so did Tyler. This time when he left, you both felt on edge. He hated leaving you for twelve long days, especially as it was getting late in your pregnancy. And while you would never admit it to him, you hated seeing him go. Your anxiety would get the best of you at times, when he was gone, thinking that you'd go into labor or something. You even went so far as to have Jenna stay over one night because you swore you were having contractions; turned out it was just gas and gone by the time she got there. Though god love her, she stayed the night with you.

 Tyler called you almost every moment of the day. "How are you doing today, baby?"

 "We're doing good, though I feel like the size of this house; all ten thousand square feet of it."

 "Babe, you are not as big as that. I just saw you a week ago and you're literally all baby." Tyler was right of course, but it didn't mean that your ankles weren't swollen at the end of the day or that your back wasn't hurting most of the time.

 "Maybe I gained a million pounds last week, by eating ice cream and chips for breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

 He burst out laughing on the phone, for he knew you how meticulous you were about eating healthy while pregnant. Not to say that you didn't self-indulge because you did; you were just trying to make sure the baby got more nutritious foods than junk ones. "Even if you did, I'd still love you."

 "I love you too." You sighed, and you felt tears welling up in your eyes because you missed him so much. Your hormones were all over the place lately, for just last night you found yourself crying at some commercial on television. At least Cash came over then and licked away your tears then. This time you just took a deep breath and calmed yourself down. Tyler would be home in another week and everything would be fine. "So tell me about your day?" And just like that, you'd change the subject so that you were back to joking and laughing again.

 Tyler was gone for Valentine's Day but that didn't stop him from sending you extravagant gifts. There was a giant bouquet of red roses, that was delivered to you early in the morning. Then as the day went on there was a box from Venus ET Fleur of white roses that were delivered from Baby Seguin. The card attached read, 'Since I won't be here for a few more weeks; I got you the ones that will last a long time. Can't wait to meet the best Mommy in the world. Love, Baby Seguin.' You hadn't expected Tyler to send you something from the baby and his thoughtfulness overwhelmed you.

 In the afternoon, a courier brought over another package, and you were half expecting it to be more flowers. This time when you opened the box, there was another box inside that read 'CHANEL.' Tyler knew you'd had your eye on the bag since right after Christmas, but it was still a surprise that he'd boughten it for you. The last gift he sent you was hand-delivered from the jeweler Tyler used. It was around five in the evening and you knew that he would be heading for the arena for his game, but you still called to thank him. "Ty, I can't believe you did this."

 "You deserve it, baby."

 "They're too much though. You already got me all the flowers and the gorgeous bag."

 "I didn't get you all the flowers, the baby got you some too. You like them though don't you?" How could you not? They were matching earrings to the necklace that he gave you before you got engaged. Two smaller diamonds, that dropped down to a large one; they were absolutely perfect.

 "Like them? Hun, I love them." Actually, you more than loved them but didn't know how to say that. "I can't wait to wear them."

 "Well, I plan on taking you somewhere special when I get home so that you can wear them and the necklace." Knowing Tyler, he would have some elaborate dinner planned, and while you couldn't wait to wear the matching jewelry set; he didn't need to do anything more for the holiday.

 "Ty, I'd be happy just wearing them for you around the house."

 "Mmmm and nothing else, maybe?" The man was completely incorrigible, but you weren't going to say that it wasn't a good idea to welcome him home. In fact, you liked the idea so much you decided that was exactly what you were going to do.

 "Well, I do need to say thank you for all these gifts you gave me."

 "Babe, you are seriously killing me here and I have to leave, the bus is waiting."

 You sighed, not wanting to let him go, yet knowing you had to. "Well, thank you again for the earrings, and well...everything else. You've really made this Valentine's Day special, even if you can't be here. I love you, Ty."

 "I love you too (Y/N). Happy Valentine's Day! I'll talk to you after the game." Tyler's Valentine's Day did not go as well as yours, as the Stars ended up losing the game.

 Two days later you were in the doctor's office, for your weekly checkup. You were at thirty-seven weeks and as with all your appointments, they started off with doing all your measurements. They also did a swab test to check if you had Group B Strep, which would mean that you would need antibiotics when you went into labor. The doctor went over the difference between Braxton-Hicks and actual labor pains, though she emphasized to call into the office if you weren't sure. She went on to tell you that you were about ten percent effaced, which meant that your cervix was just preparing for the birth and should put you at your due date. After all your tests came back good, they told you they would see you in a week and possibly do an ultrasound then to double-check that the baby was in the right position.

 You headed home, planning on watching Tyler's game and then waiting for him to get home, well maybe you'd nap in between that time. Who were you kidding; you knew you'd fall asleep the moment the game was done. You settled on the couch with the dogs and some takeout, but things didn't go well again for the Stars. They lost their second straight game, and you knew Tyler would be disappointed in the way that he played. Throwing on one of the x-large t-shirts you'd been wearing you headed into the bedroom to get a quick nap so that you'd be awake when he came home.

 It was a little after two in the morning when Tyler snuck into bed with you. So much for being awake when he got here. "Sorry babe, I didn't mean to wake you." His hands immediately went to the baby, so that he could caress the little one inside you; then he went and kissed you. "I missed you, two."

 "We missed you too. This stretch was way too long."

 "I know baby. At least this is the last long one we have; all the others are six days at the longest." Tyler scooted closer to you now, that he'd greeted his child. "How was the doctor's today?"

 You hadn't got a chance to talk to him before the game, as he was an hour ahead of you and already at the arena by the time you were done. "Everything's perfect. The doctor said the baby is fine and their head is in the right position. They will probably do an ultrasound next week."

 "Oh good, then I'll be here for it." His hands were skating up and down your back and he stifled a yawn.

 "Tired, hun?"

 "Yeah, these last two losses were tough."

 You ran your fingers through his curls, lightly scratching his scalp. "Let's go to sleep then."

 "Mmhmm," And you could tell that he was half asleep, so you closed your eyes, in hopes of falling back asleep. However, the longer you laid there, the more uncomfortable you felt, which was a horrible side effect of pregnancy. It seemed like you felt this way more, and more with each day. After several minutes of listening to Tyler snore, you decided to roll over to see if that would help.

 Exactly forty-two minutes later, and you knew this because you'd looked at the clock about every six minutes; you were still awake more miserable than before. There was no point in tossing and turning and waking Tyler up. It took some effort, but you got out of bed and headed into the living room, Cash following you. He'd been attached to your hip lately, not that it was unusual, for he'd been that way since you and Tyler got back together. It just seemed the past couple of days he never left your side, which included when you went to the bathroom. Maybe he realized that you'd been upset with Tyler being gone so long; Cash seemed to pick up on everything happening with you.

 You turned the television on and made yourself as comfortable as possible on the couch, your not so little dog beside you. There was absolutely nothing on, so you switched to Netflix, rubbing your belly as you browsed for something to watch. Your heartburn was really killing you tonight, and you vowed to yourself you were never getting takeout from that barbeque place again until you delivered the baby. After contemplating a bunch of shows, you threw on the Crown in hopes that some history would put you to sleep. Which thankfully it did have you nodding off, but not for long as that indigestion was annoying you again.

 It was now five-thirty in the morning, and you were pretty sure that you were not going to be getting any sleep. So you went and adjusted some things in the nursey. You'd been doing this a lot recently. Changing where the clothes went or moving the hooded towels into a different drawer. Finally satisfied where everything was for at least the next hour, you decided to relax a bit in the rocking chair, maybe the sway would put you to sleep. Though when you looked at your phone and it said six-forty-five, you got up and headed into the kitchen.

 Ginger tea had helped a few times when your heartburn was pretty bad, so you thought you'd try that route again. Taking the teapot out, you headed over to the sink to fill it with water; when it started. You couldn't quite describe it, but it was almost a shifting in your body as if the baby dropped and you screamed. "AAAAHHHHHH!" The pot crashing into the sink as pain shot through your body. Your hands gripped the sink, and it wasn't until your feet were wet that you realized your water had broke.

 Tyler had heard you yell, and ran out to the kitchen. "Babe, what's wrong?" It was all in a rush and you couldn't quite hear him as your body didn't even feel like your own at the moment. Something was wrong, something was definitely wrong. "(Y/N) talk to me!" But you couldn't, as another pain hit you. It was like you were splitting in two and you felt your vagina tear. You were having the baby and you were having it now. By the time Tyler got around to your side, he realized you were in labor, though you were pretty sure he didn't know to what extent.

 You inhaled deeply, trying to get the pain somewhat under control so you could speak. "Ty, call 9-1-1." Reaching down between your legs, you felt it. It was the baby's head just inches from coming into this world. "The baby is coming NOW!"

 "What? No, we have to get to the hospital. I'll get the…"

 "Tyler, we don't have time." And you grabbed his shoulder with one hand, as you tried to keep your child in with the other. "I can feel the head."

 "Fuck, where's the…" And he grabbed the cordless you had in the kitchen, while you prayed that the baby would just stay inside you a bit longer. Your cell phone was on the counter, and you called Jenna as she had planned to film the whole thing, though that's not why you needed her now. She was your backup coach and right now, Tyler needed to pay attention to the 9-1-1 operator but you needed someone to help you through this.

 The minute she answered you started rambling. "Jenna, the baby's coming. I mean like…" Another pain coursed through you. "Like now. I mean I'm gonna have the baby in my fucking kitchen. I can feel the head and…"

 "Ok, ok. You need to breathe (Y/N) come on you can do this." And you could hear shuffling in the background. "Jamie get up, the baby's coming. We're on our way, I'm gonna stay on the phone with you. Now just listen to my voice. Breathe in, that's it. Now breathe out. That's great (Y/N)."

 Tyler was in the background then. "The ambulance is on their way, they'll be here in less than 10 minutes."

 "I don't think we have that long."

 "Mr. Seguin," the operator's voice interrupted. "I need you to have your wife lie down, and I need you to get some clean towels or sheets."

 "I can't deliver this baby. Do you understand? I play hockey. I'm not a doctor." He was breathless and completely panicked just as you were.

 "Tyler look at me!" You yelled at him to grab his focus as you dropped down to the floor. "Go into the laundry room, there are clean sheets there and towels."

 "(Y/N), Jamie and I are in the car. We'll be there in two minutes." Jamie lived only about eight blocks away from Tyler, so her being here at that time would happen. You'd joked about Jamie delivering the baby when you were in Mexico, but it looked like that may actually happen. A small chuckle escaped your lips at the thought. "(Y/N) are you ok?"

 "No…yes. I don't even know anymore." Just then another contraction hit, and you did your best the breath through it while trying not push. "Tyler!" What was taking him so long, the laundry room was literally two rooms away; he should've been back by now.

 "What where is Tyler? He should be there with you." Jenna yelled through the phone.

 "Here. Towels." It was all you could eek out as you concentrated on keeping the baby inside you for a little bit longer. Tyler finally appeared, with a stack of towels and sheets, phone pressed between his ear and shoulder.

 "I'm here." He placed the linens on the counter, then spread one of the sheets out. "They said to lay on this." Once he was done, he basically picked you up, only to set you back down on the cloth.

 Now both calls were on speaker, but it was the operator who spoke next. "The ambulance is five minutes out. How are you doing Mrs. Seguin?"

 "I don't know if I can wait that long. I feel another…" And then you were groaning as yet another contraction spasmed through your body.

 "Breathe, baby." Tyler's voice cut through the pain and you tried to focus on him rather than the urge to push. "Just a little bit longer ok. You are so strong, baby." His hand grabbed yours, as you grimaced.

 "Mr. Seguin…Mr. Seguin…I'm going to need you to look and see where the baby is at." This from the operator again, as you finally registered that they were speaking to the two of you.

 "I don't think I can move my hand though." You'd had it placed there willing the baby to stay put, there was no way you were moving it until there was a licensed professional here.

 "I know your scared…(Y/N). I am too, but you can do this."

 Just then the door burst open, Jenna running inside. "The ambulance is right down the street, we could see the lights. Jamie is flagging them down now." She took in the sight and her face went completely white as a ghost. "Oh my god. Oh my god."

 "Jenna, that is not helping," Tyler said through clenched teeth.

 She shook herself and then dropped her phone on the counter as she rushed forward. "Right, what can I do?"

 "We need to see exactly where the baby's at. Will you let us do that (Y/N)?" Tyler was speaking to you in a soothing voice, almost as if you were a child that he was coaxing into taking their medicine.

 "Come on (Y/N)," Jenna added. "We can do this together. Just let me take a quick look, like a second."

 "Ok…but I still have panties on." You knew they would have to come off, but that would happen when the paramedics got here. You could actually hear the sirens now.

 Tyler reached up into a draw and pulled out a knife, and before you could say anything he was tearing the one side of the underwear. "Babe, we have to do this. This little one is going to want out any minute." You knew he was right and you just nodded, as he stretched to the other side then did the same thing. He tossed the knife into the sink, then grabbed your hand. Jenna was between your legs ready to see where the baby was positioned. "Ok babe, on the count of three, ready? One…two…" And then he was shifting your hand before you knew what was happening.

 "Ok yeah, the baby is definitely right there." You quickly snatched your hand back and placed it back on top of your vagina.

 "Not until, the paramedics get here." You insisted and then groaned as another contraction hit you.

 "Deep breath in," Tyler told you. "And out." Making a 'hee, hee, hee' sound, then 'hoo' just as you learned in Lamaze class. He did it again and you felt somewhat better. "Good job baby. You're doing so great."

 Jamie came in through the open door then. "The paramedics are…wow ok."

 Just then two ambulance workers came rushing into the house, shoving Jamie aside, Jenna moved from her spot as well to give them room, while Tyler remained at your side. "Mrs. Seguin, I see we're going to have a baby tonight here in your kitchen huh?" He was trying to be jovial and take the edge off, but you could only manage a terrified look at his words. "Don't worry, this isn't my first delivery. Now, how about you let me take a look." You moved your hand then which was covered in blood and fluid, yet Tyler still took it and laced his finger with yours. "Yup, so you probably feel like you want to push right?"

 "Yes."

 "Ok, well the next time the contraction comes, that's what I want you to do." His voice was calm like he was not in your kitchen, getting ready to deliver your child and that this was an everyday occurrence. "Mr. Seguin, how about you move behind your wife, to support her back. And could you," he looked at Jenna. "Come next to (Y/N) here and hold this leg." Another paramedic entered then from outside, a bag of stuff attached to him, while the other grabbed your free leg.

 You felt Tyler's voice before you heard it, his warm breath touching your ear. "You're so brave, baby. I can't believe how strong you're being. Just a little bit longer and our baby will be here." You were leaning heavily into his chest now, but had a death grip on both of his hands. "I'm right here with you babe."

 The contraction hit just then, your abdomen constricting with so much pain it was like a tidal wave was pulling you under, though you had to fight through so that you could push. "Ok now's the time, Mrs. Seguin." You leaned forward grunting with effort, Tyler telling you breathing techniques the entire time. "Good, good," the paramedic urged. "I have the head, now just one more push to get the shoulders."

 "Come on babe, one more. You can do it." His face was pressed up against the side of yours, as he helped you through the final push. You knew deep down that if you could just get through this one last part, you would be holding your baby in no time. Bearing down, you concentrated on getting the baby out. As the shoulders passed through your opening, you knew that you'd finally brought your little one into the world.

 "Congratulations, it's a boy." The paramedic told you, tears flowing freely from your eyes.

 You'd watched enough birthing videos and medical shows to know that once the baby was born the child usually cried, however yours wasn't, and suddenly you were even more panicked than before. "Why isn't he crying?" And you leaned further up so that you could see what was going on with your son, but the man had his back turned and now the paramedic that had been holding your leg scooted over to help him. "Is he ok?" And you looked back at Tyler, the terror in his face mirrored your own. This couldn't be happening not now, not after everything you'd gone through tonight to get him here.

[virtuosin]

💗

Send 💗 to kiss my muse tenderly without explanation

It hadn’t been that long since they departed Shedola, though they hadn’t left under hospitable circumstances. They entered while a storm ravaged the planet’s surface, leaving little time then to restock or refuel, nor were they given the time of luxury to do so when leaving. And so, the unlikely pair ventured off into the dark abyss of space knowing a pitstop would be required soon, lest they float adrift, vulnerable and accessible for any raiders or--light forbid--Maroda. In truth, Sona eagerly awaited the next rest stop. She wasn’t restless of space travel, no. If anything, she had missed the languid flight through the cosmos. To fly in space was unlike anything she’d experienced before, and she hardly doubts the sentiment of adventure and discovery would fade any time soon. No, the reason why she was so anxious to land was to avoid being in a quiet space with a certain Ordinal for too long. She was his prisoner, so that should be expected, but...after Shedola, Sona was feeling great confliction. For the first time since being under his supervision, the Templar endured that nightmare--the vision of the future. It would leave her sobbing, shaking, unraveling without hope. Too used to the tormented experience was she to ask for help or confide in others about it. Habitually, she’d cover her mouth to muffle what little gasps she’d produce and sob silently in the night. Silently, isolating the heartache from sight. But not from Kayn. Somehow, he already knew she was distressed--perhaps his senses were so finely tuned that the shifting of her body alerted him first, or the subtle sounds of terror muffled into a palm. Whatever the case, he hadn’t approached her with malice or the intent to pry secrets from her while torn by her emotions. He held her. Tightly, with both arms tucking her body so close to his, he held her so she had no other choice than to cling desperately to his back and let it all out. She sobbed so hard that her throat ached. It was a woeful indicator of how repressed her anguish was, to have it all pour out against the Ordinal’s chest like that. But he had comforted her that night, something she didn’t think he was capable of. Sona uttered her thanks then, but in truth, she’s done her best to avoid thinking of his tenderness--all in vain, of course. At least she could stretch her legs and step away from Kayn, at least to a certain degree. The planet they happened upon was smaller in size, though you might not think it given the dense population of the city they landed in. It was modern enough for an edgeworld, appearing to be a smaller scale trading post compared to the one he had snatched her up at originally. Kayn had wandered off to get fuel and supplies arranged for the ship, but not before getting lodging secured. It sounded as though it would taken a night to have everything delivered that they desired, leaving them little choice than to hole up for the night in a hotel again. Sona would swallow hard at that news. Another night in a small room with Shieda Kayn. How perfect. He had told Sona he’d be an hour, and that she should not leave the room. It was a direct order, explicit, but when one hour turned to three, the Templar found anxiety dwelling in her heart. She may be his ‘prisoner’ but there was a modicum of concern held for the man, more than she wanted to think about. Whether they wanted to confess it, they were a team, leaning on each other out necessity--for the sake of survival. Mostly. “Kayn,” She grumbles in the room, pacing for the umpteenth time around the perimeter. What if he was found out as an Ordinal? Not may places in the edgeworlds appreciated the Empire. Surely, he wasn’t wearing his uniform and had left the eyepiece behind which helped disguise his appearance. Even so, the idea of Kayn taking this long was alarming. A man like him wouldn’t be this tardy without good reason, though none arise that aren’t riddled with conflict. Frustrations boiling over, Sona conceals her Ora markings and pulls her hair up into a large ponytail. Grabbing a nondescript cloak she’d been using before, the Templar would fasten it across her shoulders and head for the door. None would recognize her based on features alone. Her Templar regalia hid all her physical features for good reason, including her gold-tipped tresses of white. She felt comfortable enough taking a peek downstairs as is. This wasn’t Shedola--she needn’t dress the part of a man to blend in and avoid attention. So she thought. The main floor of the establishment was a bar--though perhaps calling it a night club would have been the better definition. There was an extensive amount of seating, waitresses dressed in skimpy uniforms, and patrons littering the open rotunda with sinful indulgences in hand. They must have come in close to opening hours because there were far more individuals occupying the space, many of whom were casting their gaze upon her. Doing her best to pay no heed to the eyes of vultures, Sona strode for the counter with an air of dignity and grace, chin elevated above the masses. Crossing the large expanse, the Templar flagged down the bartender and signed to them in hopes they’d understand her. He was an older gentlemen, human, one who seemed to pause at her hand gestures as if he didn’t comprehend it. Thankfully, he did. After a brief exchange, she learned that Kayn hadn’t returned since originally leaving, giving Sona even more reason to feel perturbed. This felt like a far more cruel mind game of his, but surely he would not test her like this--not after all they’ve endured thus far. Where in the universe was that damnable man and how dare he leave her fretting for this long? “Oi!” A boisterous voice comes from behind, causing Sona to shudder. She would have walked straight back to the stairs without acknowledging the source of that bellow, if she had been given such a choice. However, a thick hand smacks down beside her on the wooden countertop, causing several mugs and glasses to chitter against the surface. A large, pompous looking man, skin tan and decorated with various scars and black hair pulled into a topknot. Thick ring of smoke puffs out at Sona as he huffs the cigar, dragging out a look of displeasure from her. “Ya not from ‘round these parts, ey? Woulda remembered a face like yers~” He’d coo, coming to sit in the open chair beside her. That calloused hand would motion to the chair she stood beside, as if inviting her to sit, though her stiff posture made it obvious she’d do no such thing. Finding her stubbornness comical, he’d let out a roar of laughter and smack his knee. “Cat git yer tongue, girlie? Bahaha! C’mon, lemme buy ya a tipple o’ whatever yer heart desires!” “E-Er, I apologize, sir, but she-” The bartender begins meekly, doing his best to appear knightly but wilting in the face of this looming mass. After a quick glance toward Sona, he’d clear his throat and continue with a bit more strength than before. “The lady cannot speak...and she is awaiting her companion. I would ask you desist hassling our guest.” “Watchu mean she’s waitin’ fer a companion? Hah! I see no companion ‘roun ‘ere ‘cept fer me!” The man leans closer, the stench of tobacco and liquor revolting to her senses. Instinctively, Sona takes a step backwards, putting distance between her and this cretin--but something touches her back; then, a hand finds her shoulder. The next moment comes in a blur, but sadistically her mind experiences it in slow motion. There’s a force gripping her ponytail, yanking her head up and backwards with less force than she expects. There, towering over her is the man who’s been haunting her mind and future alike. Those eyes spoke of anger, but there seemed to be something pensive in his features. Before there is time to consider the meaning, the Ordinal dips down, claiming her lips without hesitation. It would elicit a tiny gasp from the barkeep as well as a grunt from the man beside her, but in truth Sona couldn’t hear a thing--not over the oppressive drumming of her heartbeat. It would have been one thing if it was a quick kiss, but no, that would have been too kind. It was deep, passionate, as if Kayn wanted to be as dramatic and over the top as possible with the display. Sona had been stunned by the tenderness, her body stiff with shock. Frustratingly, she felt her body melt apart, and despite her best efforts, she found herself pressing her mouth into his with equal force, reciprocating Kayn’s kiss. As if wakened from a trance, the kiss would break and a brief, tense moment occurred where they peered at each other. If she didn’t know any better, he seemed alarmed she’d kiss back, but there was...something smug to him. If only she realized why he smiled, but she hadn’t a clue how red her face was, or how breathless her expression became after their mouths departed. What came next should have been expected. “Oi!! Fuck off why donchya, ey?! I’m tryin’ to fuckin’--” WHAM!! In a fluid motion, Kayn steps around Sona and slams a fist in the center of this man’s face. A satisfying crunch echoes in the space, and a spray of blood goes flying across the countertop of the bar, staining mahogany a violent shade of red. The man gripped his face and leaned forward, as if he was going to throw a punch right back. With dexterous ease and a bored expression, Kayn deflected the blow with the back of his hand, though he pivots his hand to grip the other’s wrist, twisting it inward. With a well timed yank, Kayn would land an elbow strike against the man’s cranium before knocking him off that chair and onto the floor. A foot lands against his windpipe, applying a small amount of pressure to the throat--though with the way he wheezes, it’s apparent Kayn is taking sweet pleasure in applying more weight. “She is MY woman,” Kayn’s familiar cadence fiercely calls out to the man on the ground. “I would kill you for merely looking at her, but I’ve more pressing matters that need attending.” A quick side glance is offered to Sona, and for a moment, she feels a bolt of energy course through her body. What was this feeling? It wasn’t quite intimidation, but she felt even more anxious while under that glare of his. As if sensing her frazzled state, Kayn would plant a firm kick against the side of the man’s face--one that is done with far more grace than she thinks is physically possible--and turn towards Sona. A hand curls around her waist, fingers resting just over the side of a hipbone. With that grip, he guides her towards the stairs, as if escorting his beloved somewhere private for a tryst. She isn’t entirely sure what’s worse; the fact his eyes are molten with ire, or how roguishly handsome the curl on his lips is.

[writing-for-amusement]

Commission for Confidence, 10

Summary:  Y/N has been struggling with her self-esteem for years. After incessant pushing from your best friend, Y/N decides to commission an artist to draw her, expecting everything to happen via Internet. However, when your phone is stolen, you try to cancel the commission, but Peter Parker has other ideas. He quickly becomes enraptured by you, and a friendship forms easily. Will it lead to something more? Or will your past fears get in the way?

A/N: ALRIGHT Y’ALL, HERE IT IS. Omg, I feel like it has been FOREVER since I updated this fic, and I feel so bad!! However, I know it’s because I was working on other stuff, and stuff with life has popped up. I hope you guys like this chapter, I am relatively happy with it. After this one, I’m gonna do a little time skip. It might be a bit before that, though, because I want to do some of the requests I’ve gotten!! Enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think! There’s also some conversing in sign language and I hope I wrote it in a good way! I know that when you’re actually signing a conversation, there are a lot of little filler words that get cut out because that’s obviously the nature of the language, but I wrote the signing as it was meant to be interpreted. Please give me some feedback on how I wrote it if you can, I just want to write well!!!

You can still get on any of my taglists, including my permanent one! If your username has a strikethrough, it means it isn’t working

Permanent Taglist: @pparkerwrites, @jordyns-library, @natblidaclexa, @peterseuphoria, @lesbian-x-blackwidow, @beccaboo929, @softrdj, @icecoldban, @paintballkid711

CFC Taglist: @scatterbrainedgenius, @wildfirecracker, @pastlives-purplesouls, @maybemona, @hotchocolattee, @heregoestheworld, @willowtree42095, @134340-cm, @this-is-just-for-fanfic-lmao, @poc-gotbang, @sincerelygmg, @toastedpopsicles, @imstupidsblog, @casual-vaporwave, @xfangirl-trashx

Word Count: 4855

Warnings: fluff, Monopoly related anger, some nerves and anxiety, mostly just fluff I think???, some mention of pain pills, swearing lmao, minor self esteem issues but barely there, legit it’s mostly fluff

You woke up to your alarm and groggily pressed snooze. After pressing snooze twice, you sat up with muscles that protested, but nowhere near as loudly as they had that morning. The TV was asking if you were still watching, so you pressed the yes button and stood up.

Checking your phone, you padded to the kitchen and turned on the electric kettle again. There were a few messages, to your surprise.

Monica had texted you multiple times, demanding to know how you were and why you weren’t responding. You realized with a wince that you’d forgotten to tell her about the entire incident the previous day.

The other messages were from Peter, asking you about your snack preferences. They were more recent, thankfully, so you replied to those first.

As you crossed to your room and debated what clothes to wear, you called your best friend. You were unsurprised when she answered on the first ring.

“What the fuck, Y/N?” she demanded immediately.

“Listen, Monica—”

“No, no, you listen!” she interrupted you. “I was scrolling through some apps last night, and I saw a news clip of Spider-Man, and there you were! You were right there! And I saw you afterward, covered in cuts and bits of glass! What the fuck happened?”

You sighed and gave a quick overview, knowing that Monica was squeamish when it involved injuries. She started squealing with excitement as you told her that Peter came to keep you company, and that he made dinner for you. When you told her that you needed her help picking an outfit for game night, Monica was immediately facetiming you.

“What are we looking at?” Monica demanded as your face appeared.

“A casual night, meeting his aunt and best friend,” you explained. “We gotta go quick, though, because I really want a shower. Like, I think it’ll make my body feel so much better.”

“Of course. What about that Spider-Man shirt you have? And some leggings, that one black pair that you totally rock.”

“But that’s a crop top,” you argued quietly. “Not much of one, but it is…”

“Do it, you rock that shirt,” Monica encouraged you. “Besides, it’s casual, you’ll fit in perfectly! And, if I remember correctly, it’s a super comfy shirt.”

“Of course, you remember correctly,” you chuckled as you pulled it out, “you bought it for me, remember?”

“I do,” she beamed at you.

“Okay, love, I’m gonna get in the shower. I’ve got it from here.”

“Alright, hot stuff,” Monica winked, “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

You raised a brow at her, causing her to cackle and quickly blow a kiss to you through the screen. With a quick goodbye, she hung up.

The hot water from the shower was amazing. It made everything feel just a little bit better, the muscles in your body nearly melting upon first water contact.

After one of the best showers you ever had, you dried off and inspected your bandages. You were thankful that you had plenty of bandages, because you felt a bit more comfortable with clean bandages on your cuts. There were only a few that looked like they were still a bit oozy.

You got dressed, incredibly happy that your muscles were arguing less, and put on just a little bit of mascara. Then, after making sure you had everything, you slipped your shoes on and began your walk to Peter’s apartment. He didn’t live super far away, and you realized as you checked your phone that you were thirty minutes early.

Instead of going into the building, you continued past it and into the flower shop right next door. You adored that flower shop; they always had the nicest and freshest blooms for the season. And their prices were very fair. You’d been visiting the shop since you moved to the city; at first you’d wandered upon it, but then you made some fast friends.

You waved to Sofia, the owner, and signed, “Hello, Sofia. How are you?”

“Great! Business is great,” she signed back, giving you the brightest grin. “What do you need today?” Suddenly, her eyes zoned in on the bandages on your arm and face. “What the hell happened to you?”

“Just a small incident with some broken glass. I’m fine, I promise. It doesn’t even hurt. I need something for a friend’s aunt,” you explained. “She’s like a mother to him. I’m thinking something not too big, with bright colors. Maybe some tulips and daffodils?”

“Okay, well, as long as you’re okay. Tell me, what’s she like?"

You paused for a moment, trying to think about what you could say. “I haven’t met her,” you signed, “but I’ve heard only good things.”

“What’s her kid like?” Sofia asked. “Name?”

You quickly spelt Peter’s name with your fingers and Sofia grinned. “Oh, is he nice?”

“He’s very sweet,” you informed her, “almost like candy.”

Sofia wiggled her eyebrows at you and held up a finger to pause the conversation. You waited patiently as she walked farther into her shop, obviously on a mission for the bouquet she had in mind. After she didn’t show up for another two minutes, you turned and began to admire the day-old bouquets behind you.

You turned back as Sofia approached with a simple bouquet in her hands. There were orange tulips and yellow daffodils, arranged artfully. Without asking, Sofia put them in a simple vase with a bit of water; she tied a yellow bow around it and showed it to you with pride shining in her eyes.

“It’s perfect!” you cheered, emphatically signing your admiration and appreciation. “You are so talented, Sofia!”

She waved you off playfully, a grin on her lips. “I hope they all like them.”

You paid the woman, noting that she knocked the price down for you; you shoved a twenty-dollar bill in her tip jar when her back was turned. Sofia handed you the receipt and gave you a sly smile.

“Tell me about Peter,” she urged, raising an eyebrow.

“He’s really sweet, an artist,” you explained. At her look, you cut her off. “He’s just a friend, Sofia. I’m about to go over to his game night with his roommate and aunt.”

“That sounds like fun. Is he cute, do you like him?”

Your eyes went wide at her blunt question and her laughter made it obvious that she already knew the answer. “He’s a wonderful person,” you informed her, trying not to give more away. Sofia could always see through anything, though.

“You like him,” she signed with a wicked grin. “You do!”

“He’s my friend!” you protested, rolling your eyes. “Speaking of Peter, I need to get going to game night.”

“Fine, fine, I hope you get some!” Sofia signed quickly.

Your blood rushed at her words. Instead of gracing her with a response, you stuck your tongue out at her and bid her a goodbye. Her laughter followed you out of the shop.

You bustled to the apartment building next door, holding the flowers close to your nose. They smelt divine.

The person in the lobby recognized you and gave you a wide smile. You waved at him and went straight to the elevator. It was a smooth ride up, and as you adjusted your arm, you felt a twinge of pain. Perhaps you should’ve taken some ibuprofen before you left…

You got off the elevator and walked to Peter’s door. You were ten minutes early, but that was okay. After going through a mental checklist, you nodded to yourself and finally knocked on the door. There was an urge to rock on your feet to get your nerves out, but you managed to curb that urge.

The door opened and you were met with Peter, a breathless smile on his face; as he looked at your shirt, he blushed bright red. Right behind him were two people, each peering around the man to get a look. You found yourself essentially giggling with mirth at the sight of two heads crowding in with Peter’s, nearly pushing the man over. It was downright hilarious to you, and you had to turn away from the door to try to quiet your chortling.

“I’m sorry,” you finally managed to get out, constantly interrupted by your own giggles, “I’m sorry, it’s just so funny, you’re all smushed together like that!”

Peter started chuckling with you, and after another minute, you turned back around. He was still at the door, the most adorable smile on his face, the blush still prominent (you had no idea why he was blushing, but it was super cute). The people that had been behind him were gone, but you could hear them talking in the apartment.

“Sorry,” you chuckled lightly.

“Hey, I love your laugh, so please, laugh away,” he grinned at you.

Your blood seemed to sing as you finally followed him in. Standing by the dining room table was a woman, one you assumed was May Parker.

“Y/N,” Peter began, “this is my Aunt May. And in the kitchen is Ned.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” you smiled a bit shyly at the woman. You held the flowers out. “I had some extra time before coming here, so I got you these flowers. I hope you like them. I-I know it might be a little weird, but I’m very fond of your nephew, and he speaks so highly of you. Besides, surprise flowers are nice,” you explained nervously.

“Thank you so much!” May beamed at you, coming forward and taking the vase from your hands. She wrapped one arm around you in a surprise hug and then kissed your cheek. When she pulled back, her smile was wider, and she sniffed the flowers. “Peter was right when he said you’re a sweet woman.”

You blood warmed slightly and you shifted on your feet. “Peter is really sweet, too.”

“I know, such a good kid,” May said adoringly. “Well, are you ready for game night?”

“Just how intense is it supposed to get?” you asked with a grin.

“Depends on how much you can handle.”

“What are we playing?”

“Thought we’d start with Monopoly.”

Your grin widened. “Oh yeah, I can definitely handle that intensity.”

“A girl after my own heart. By the way, I love your shirt, it’s super cute and on-brand for this family,” May told you as she wrapped her arm around your shoulder and steered you to the dining room table, where the game was already set up.

 “I swear to fucking god, Peter, if you put another hotel there, I will flip this table!” Ned was yelling ninety minutes later.

“What about you, buying all utilities?” Peter shot back, his eyes full of fire.

“It’s only because Y/N bought all the airports!”

“That’s how the game works!” you and May joined in simultaneously.

“You’re just jealous that I got all the red spaces!” Peter yelled to Ned.

“Because you know I love the red spaces!” Ned shouted.

“That’s why I got them! Payback, bitch!”

“Oh, so this is payback for the time I decided to play as the dog because you were running late again?”

“Yes!”

You glanced at May and erupted into laughter. Despite the semi-harsh words being said, you could see the amusement in both men’s eyes and the smiles on their faces. It was, all in all, incredibly amusing. The energy of the room was electric and warm, incredibly comforting in an unusual but not unwelcome way.

Ned and Peter stopped arguing as they heard your laughter. You were leaning back in your chair, your head tilted and your hand on your chest as you tried to calm your cackling. May joined in, and soon, so did Peter and Ned.

“I think I have a solution,” you informed them as your laughter sobered.

“Let me hear it,” Ned and Peter said simultaneously.

You grinned at them before quickly flipping the board over. Everything went flying and you immediately dissolved back into laughter at everyone’s shocked faces. Their mouths remained open and you continued to laugh as you cleaned up the board and put everything back in the box. The laughter had devolved into chuckles when May began to help you put stuff away, a bright smile on her face.

“I like you, Y/N. You fit right in,” she said frankly.

You smiled sheepishly as you organized the money.

When you turned to look at Ned and Peter, they were both turned away from the table, whispering to each other and glancing over their shoulders. As you raised an eyebrow at Peter, he immediately turned red and jerked his head back.

With a shrug, you discussed what movie to watch with May. You both agreed that it was probably a good idea to put a movie on and play a different game. May was suggesting Cards Against Humanity, and you were seriously considering it. Of course, you were also weighing in the possibilities for total embarrassment with that particular game.

“Oh, what the hell, let’s do it!” you beamed, finding May’s cheer adorable.

Ned and Peter were still whispering while you helped May transfer all cups and food to the coffee table in the living room. You were setting everything up and they were still whispering as May put on Weird Science.

“Truly one of the great classics, May,” you informed her with an approving nod.

May nodded at you before giving you a pointed glance towards the boys. You gave a tiny nod of confirmation and walked over to them.

“Guys,” you stated loudly behind them, making Ned jump in surprise. “C’mon, it’s time for Cards Against Humanity and Weird Science. Wanna make some popcorn?”

“S-sure,” Peter stuttered, his ears and cheeks bright red.

“What’s got you two all worked in a bunch?” you asked gently.

“I, um, I have to run into the office really quick,” Peter admitted in a rush.

“Oh,” you blinked in surprise. “Um, okay? Is that what you’ve been discussing?”

“Y-yeah,” Peter admitted, his blush getting deeper.

“Are you worried about me?” you asked gently.

“I just, it would be rude—”

“Hey, Peter, it’s okay,” you interrupted him tenderly. “Emergencies happen. It’s totally cool with me. Besides, I like Ned, and I’m ready to win all of May’s love for all eternity.” You leaned forward slightly and pretended to whisper, “I’m gonna be her favorite, Peter; I’m gunning for your spot.”

Peter and Ned laughed loudly at that before Peter jogged to his room to get something he needed for the office. Ned rushed to the kitchen to make some popcorn while you went to sit on the couch with May.

“So, May, Peter has to go to the office for some sort of emergency,” you informed the woman as you plopped onto the couch next to her.

“That happens a lot,” May shrugged a shoulder. “And you can call me Aunt May, Y/N. After all this stuff tonight, I’m pretty sure you’re one of mine now.”

You laughed brightly, trying to calm the excitement that coursed through your veins. It had been awhile since you had that sort of motherly affection, and you didn’t quite know what to do about it. But you decided that you would roll with it.

“Okay, gotta go, see you in a bit, bye!” Peter’s voice flashed by you as he ran to the front door and left loudly.

“That was… weird,” you muttered under your breath. “Figured he’d actually, y’know, face us to say goodbye.”

“Oh, he gets like that when there’s an emergency,” Aunt May explained casually.

“Y-yeah, sometimes he doesn’t even go out the door, he goes down the fire escape,” Ned said almost… nervously.

As you watched the movie and casually played Cards Against Humanity, occasionally taking photos of the really good plays to show Peter when he returned, you found yourself getting really comfortable with the other two people. When the movie was over, Aunt May popped in another comedy, White Chicks.

About halfway through the movie, Aunt May decided to call it a night. She gave you a warm hug and a squeeze, telling you to wear the Spider-Man shirt more often with a wink. She gave Ned a squeeze and told either of you to give Peter a hug when he came back from the office. With another wave over her shoulder, Aunt May left.

Luckily, it wasn’t awkward with just Ned. You talked about both your jobs and your shared love of science fiction as the movie played. Ned even told you a few funny Peter stories that you soaked up with a vigor. When White Chicks was over, Ned decided to pop one more movie in while waiting for Peter (he picked Airplane).

You found yourself nodding off slightly while the movie was playing. Between the worlds of awake and asleep, you stretched out on the couch a bit more. It was an incredibly comfortable couch, obviously easy to fall asleep on.

Not even halfway through Airplane, Ned saw that you were sleeping peacefully. He figured that were still tired from the previous day, so he turned down the volume of the TV. After draping a blanket over your sleeping form, he went to bed.

 Peter entered through the living room window cautiously. He could see that the TV was still on, so he didn’t want to alert you if you were still home, but his window had been getting stuck and needed fixing.

Rolling through the window silently, Peter sprang up to see you asleep on the couch. The light from the TV, playing the menu screen for Airplane, was giving you a light blue glow. You looked absolutely fantastic, but you also looked slightly uncomfortable as you used your arm as a pillow.

He took a step to you before remembering that he was still in his suit. Quickly changing into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, Peter lightly jogged to your sleeping form with a pillow in his hands.

“Y/N,” you heard a gentle voice prodding you awake. “Y/N, wake up.”

Groaning lightly, you managed to open your eyes and push up from your position slightly. To your slight surprise, you saw Peter kneeling next to you. The light from the TV was making him look unfairly attractive, as was that damn tight white t-shirt.

“You’re too cute,” you muttered as you relaxed your arms to lay back down. “’S not fair that you’re so damn attractive,” you continued to mutter. “’S not fair to others that aren’t pretty, people like me.” A yawn stretched your lips and you smacked your lips.

Peter’s light chuckle floated to your ears. “You want a pillow, Y/N?”

You grumbled, making him laugh.

“C’mon, let’s get you more comfortable.”

“Are you comfy?” you mumbled.

“I mean, I’m kneeling on the floor.”

“Are you a comfy person?”

“I-I, I mean, I guess.”

“I’d rather use you than a pillow,” you admitted, still mostly asleep. “It’s cause ya look so comfy and cuddly.”

Peter chuckled again as you settled into your previous position. Your slightly opened eyes saw him biting his lip in thought before he nudged you over. You complied easily, scooting back until your back touched the back of the couch. You mused over the wideness of the couch and lifted slightly so Peter could snake his arm under your head.

He settled in next to you and you nuzzled closer and into his chest. You wrapped your leg over his and let out a small hum of comfort. Peter chuckled and you felt him hesitantly trail his hand down until it rested on your waist. With another hum, you felt yourself fall back into a deep, comfortable sleep.

 You woke up slowly, feeling more rested and comfortable than you had in a long time. The night of sleep had been so nice, in fact, that you really didn’t want to continue to wake up. Still, you knew that you had to wake up eventually, so you opened your eyes.

Peter’s sleeping face was right in front of yours. His curly brown hair was falling across his forehead adorably, and the peaceful look on his face made you want to take a picture. You couldn’t do that, of course, because it wasn’t like you were his girlfriend or an actual artist like he was.

You couldn’t remember exactly what happened after you fell asleep the first time. As you memorized Peter’s sleeping face, you tried to recall how you came into this predicament. Peter’s arms holding you close did not go past you.

You let out a slight sigh and tried to squash the excitement that came when Peter let out a small grumble and tightened his hold on you.

A vague whisper of a memory came into your mind as you couldn’t help but bring your hand up to brush some of Peter’s hair off his forehead.

The memory told you that you’d mumbled some things that you would not have said otherwise. Apparently, sleepy you had much more confidence and a much smaller filter than fully aware and awake you. You felt your blood rush as your boldness from your sleep-induced state came into your living memory.

As you played with Peter’s hair, you decided to not focus on the words you’d uttered. Instead, you focused on the softness of his hair and the smoothness of his skin. He was so peaceful, and your tender, hesitant touches seemed to make him relax even more.

Peter let out a sigh and pulled you ever closer. After another minute, and you tucking your arm back against your body, your gaze was met with Peter’s sleepy brown eyes.

“G’morning,” he murmured, giving you a squeeze. “You’re a really good cuddle buddy. So warm and soft and nice. Smell good too.”

You chuckled lightly before you nudged Peter slightly. “Sorry about last night,” you said quietly. “I didn’t know I’m so… bold when I’m sleepy.”

Peter chuckled sleepily and the breath tickled your skin. “It’s alright,” he sighed happily. “I liked it. And I liked cuddling with you.”

“I did too,” you admitted shyly. “Peter?”

“Hm?”

“I need to use the bathroom.”

Peter let out a dramatic groan before removing his arms and rolling over. He obviously forgot that he was on the couch, because he landed on the floor with a thud. You couldn’t stop the loud laughter that left you as his fluffy curls popped up while Peter glared at you for laughing at his plight.

You climbed over him, still laughing, and hurried to the bathroom. All the liquids you had ingested the night before had caught up with you, and you cursed your past self for causing your present self to have to leave Peter’s cuddles. Then again, you pondered as you washed your hands, you hadn’t expected to spend the night, nor to cuddle with Peter.

If you weren’t so relaxed and still sleepy, you’d probably be freaking out.

When you walked back out, you saw that Peter was sitting on a counter in the kitchen. He was typing on his phone and a pot of coffee was brewing in the kitchen. As you entered the kitchen, you let out a groan of relief at the smell of the coffee.

“You should make that sound more often,” Peter informed you casually as he glanced up from his phone.

Your blood sang through your body and you decided to not comment on that. You texted Monica and told her that you planned on calling her later in the day, and a few minutes later, Peter was handing you a mug of coffee.

“Thanks,” you smiled at him.

“No problem. Thanks for inviting me to cuddle last night,” he smirked lightheartedly at you. “That was the best sleep of my life.”

You chuckled as you made your coffee the way you liked it. “I slept very well, too. Thank you, Peter. And thank you for being so cool about it.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Shrugging a shoulder, you sighed as you took your first sip of coffee. “I don’t know,” you admitted, “just… I don’t know. But I still appreciate it. I don’t always sleep the best, and it really was a nice sleep. So, thanks, Peter.”

“Hey, anytime. I seriously mean that, by the way,” he gave you a pointed look.

You barked out a laugh and nodded. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good!”

Peter offered you some toast, or a bagel, but you politely declined. At his concerned look, you explained that you weren’t normally hungry right after waking up. You also told him that you needed to get home and take a pain pill to get rid of the little ache you still felt in your body. He pouted but seemed to understand.

After you finished your coffee, you went to the bathroom and your hands through your hair to make sure it didn’t look too crazy for your short walk. Sure, it was NYC, but you didn’t like to stand out. Peter laughed and told you that your hair was fine, but at your sideways teasing glare, he chuckled even more and left you to fix it up.

“Okay, Peter, I’d better get going,” you announced as you entered the living room.

Peter was adorably curled on the couch with a sketchbook in his lap. You pretended to peer around his shoulder to see what he was working on, but he held it to his chest and gave you a fake glare. He relaxed as you chuckled and stood up.

“Okay, well, thank you for having me over,” you said as you walked to the door.

“What are you thanking me now for? I’m walking you home,” Peter chuckled as he followed you to the door.

“Oh, you don’t have to—”

“I’m walking you,” he said in a no-nonsense tone.

You didn’t argue and instead let him lead the way out of his apartment.

The walk to your apartment was brief but nice. The coolness of the morning air was refreshing, and Peter kept up a casual stream of conversation that you eagerly participated in.

Almost too soon, you reached your building and turned to Peter. He grinned at you and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Thank you, Peter,” you said softly, changing the whole dynamic around you. You felt a bit vulnerable with the shift you caused, but you pushed on. “I had a really great time. It really took my mind off of things, and I really appreciate you inviting me into your life. I feel… honored to have met some of the people most important to you. Thank you.”

Peter’s smile was tender and made your heart dance. “Thank you, Y/N. I’m really happy you got to meet Ned and Aunt May, and that you get along so well with them. I know I had to leave, but I’m really, really glad you had such a great time. Aunt May was texting me and telling me that you’re her favorite now, so… lucky you, I guess,” he pretended to pout.

You laughed and shifted your weight a bit. “She’s a wonderful woman, and she raised a wonderful man. I know you’ll always be her actual favorite, but I’m gonna soak up that title for as long as I can.”

The atmosphere had shifted again, and you felt less vulnerable. Still, you felt good; you didn’t feel guilt at sharing your feelings the way you sometimes did.

“Well, I’d better let you get back to your Saturday,” you announced, wincing internally at the awkwardness of the announcement.

“Y-yeah,” Peter agreed, giving you a smile that perhaps had a tinge of sadness.

“I’ll, uh, see you soon? If you want?”

“Yeah, definitely!” His eagerness made your heart do a little Irish jig. “Let me know if you need anything, okay? I know you’re still sore from the other day.”

“Of course. You too, Peter. I mean, any excuse to see you again, am I right?” Your face heated as you realized what you said. “Text me when you get home so I know you’re safe, okay? Tell Ned I said thank you for letting him into his home, and that it was nice to meet him,” you plowed on quickly. “Anyway, thanks again, Peter. Stay safe!”

Before you realized what you were doing, you stepped forward and kissed his cheek before retreating inside. You didn’t look back as you rushed to the building door, much too focused on dealing with your river dancing heart. When you glanced at him from the door, you saw the brightest, happiest smile you had ever seen.

Your river dancing heart slowed down at the sight of his smile. Warmth filled your body and your muscles relaxed. With one more smile at him, you went inside.

As soon as you entered your apartment, you slid down the door and onto the floor. Your smile was almost hurting your face with how long it had been there.

No matter the ache in your face, you didn’t want this feeling to fade.

[redrose-arrow]

Frozen Fire

I am posting this now because it adds to the depression support post going around. Obviously, @uncanny-accuracy started the petition for me to (re)write this fic a while back, but I never got around to actually finishing it because I wanted to do it justice. Now, I’ve taken a small fraction of my homework time to dedicate to this fic. I have included as many of the Will-post-warmweed headcanons as I could, thus resulting in a much longer fic than I had originally intended. It’s pretty heavy, at some points, and because I’m not familiar with everyone’s limits, I am including a trigger warning for the following: anxiety, depression, selfharm, and suicide. But also: friendship, love, persistence, and the hope for a better future.

He was wearing himself out, desperate and forlorn.

Halt sat watching from under his cowl, thankfully making use of the shadows casted on his face to hide the worry and concern he knew were glistening in his eyes.

It had been three months since their return from Skandia. Two months since they came home. And in those two months, his apprentice had done nothing but practice, practice, practice, and practice.

Halt sighed and shifted the papers in his lap. He was restless. The boy was pushing himself farther than he liked, but so far he had remained unable to stop him.

Will was now almost buckling under the weight of stones that he was carrying through the obstacle run and Halt grimaced. When the apprentice stumbled, then fell, the grey-bearded mentor jumped up. He recognised the symptoms way before Will even knew they were there.

The panic started like a tightening of the chest, as if the muscles were trying not to let another breath in, but instead die. Then the breath came, shallow, lungs unable to move much against the suddenly heavy ribs. And then Will’s mind became as static, thoughts making no sense, replays of horrors never forgotten. But sinking to the ground, limbs giving up on movement, it was no option. Will was small and so the only way to go was up. Up in a tree, higher and higher and higher, up until the tiniest of branches that were out of reach of the tall bullies from Battleschool. Out of reach of the Skandians.

A sigh escaped the mentor’s lips, but it was one of concern rather than annoyance. He glanced up, but the boy was far gone. Barely visible through the densely grown branches of the top, the deep brown eyes gazed into the woods, seeing nothing but the horrors locked inside his mind.

Halt made himself comfortable underneath the tree that Will had chosen to hide in. It would take some minutes, hours maybe, before his apprentice would be ready to come down. Until such time, he would sit there with him, a token of the support he found himself unable to provide. Just sit there. So far, the older Ranger had found nothing that prevented the unexpected episodes of panic and anxiety. Despite the many sleepless nights, the songs, the talks, and the hugs, the attacks had not grown any less frequent. But he would continue to sit here, under the tree, until such time that his apprentice was ready to come down, and never climb back up again.

>>>---------->

[two days later]

The tall figure moved unseen. Even despite the fact that he was riding a horse, the couple was practically invisible from more than a couple of meters away. As soon as the trees widened, however, and they rode into the clearing, the mysterious rider shook his cowl off. His horse neighed a greeting. Two replies came, but the enthusiastic greeting that the Ranger had grown used to stayed put. Gilan frowned but shrugged it off. His visit had been requested, he was no surprise.

What was a surprise, however, was Halt’s greeting.

“Gilan!” the grey Ranger exclaimed. “Thank goodness you’re here.”

Said Ranger raised an eyebrow, but he had learnt not to ask questions. Except for one.

“Where’s Will?”

Halt’s message had been cryptic, to say the least, but had mentioned ‘Will’ combined with ‘not doing well’. The tall Ranger had half and half expected his young friend to be slowly bleeding to death, but so far the cabin and its surroundings seemed rustic and peaceful.

Halt gestured vaguely.

“He’s out in the woods with Tug. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with him going out so far on his own, but the boy’s too stubborn to listen. Why don’t you put Blaze with Abelard and come inside. I’ll pour you some coffee, then we can talk.”

Halt sighed deeply.

“I’m worried about Will. Ever since we’ve been back he’s been pushing his limits, trying to regain was he supposedly lost in Skandia.”

Gilan was confused.

“Isn’t that good, in some ways? He’s moving on-”

But Halt shook his head.

“He’s sixteen, for God’s sake! He shouldn’t have to move on if he isn’t ready.”

“And I take it he isn’t, even though he thinks he is?”

That did earn a nod as reply.

“It’s all just too fresh. Everything’s a trigger at the moment; if he accidentally cuts himself, if a couple of arrows to make it to the target… he shuts down, starts shaking uncontrollably. Couple of times he seeked refuge up in a tree. He hasn’t slept well, hasn’t eaten well. I can sit with him, talk with him, and he’ll nod and agree but a few minutes later he’s at it again. He keeps on pushing.”

“But now Arald has been receiving reports from up north in the fief, about robbers going around pretending they own the place. He’s asked me to put an end to it, but I just don’t dare leave Will alone. I was hoping you’d keep an eye on him while I’m away.”

The story seemed finished, the request openly on the table. But Gilan had a feeling that he hadn’t been told the full story.

“Anything else?” he asked.

There was a hint of hesitation, before Halt answered. He shook his head.  

“No.”

But he corrected himself mere moments later.

“Actually, there is. But I’m not going to tell you, on the grounds that he will know if you know and that will… complicate matters. Just… keep an eye on him, okay?”

Gilan nodded.

“Of course.”

But it wasn’t enough for Halt. He grabbed him by the arm and looked him deep in the eyes. This time, the dark eyes were filled with something even more unfamiliar.

Desperation.

The grip on his arm grew tighter.

“I mean it, Gilan. Please keep an eye on him - at all times. I - and you - we - don’t know what he’ll do to himself.”

>>>---------->

“I’m not hungry.”

Gilan frowned. The weight loss was unmissable.

“When did you last eat?” the Ranger asked, concern evident in his voice. But Will didn’t know. His appetite had just gone, like a switch had been flicked. He shifted in his chair, restless. The bags under his eyes seemed to grow darker.

“When did you last sleep a full night?” the Gilan continued, and Will shrugged.

“I’ve… been busy,” he said, “so can I… can I just go now? I still have some practice-”

But Gilan remembered Halt’s words, he remembered what he’d said about the limits pushing and the breakdowns. He wrapped his arms over each other.

“No.”

The brows came together in frustration.  

“What do you mean, ‘no’?”

Gilan shrugged.

“I just don’t see any necessity as to why you should go out and practice right now. Why don’t we have a night in? We can play games if you like.”

Will opened his mouth to protest, but shut it again. Instead, he stood up, calmly walked to his room.

And firmly shut the door behind him.

Silence remained.

The tall Ranger paced the room, unsure of what to do. He filled the kettle with water for coffee he had no intention of drinking, kept throwing worried looks to the door that refused to open.

He was almost happy when he heard Will’s voice mumbling something from the other room. But it was closely followed by the heavy thump of a body jumping out of bed. The door was slammed again, open this time, and there stood a bewildered Will, woken up from what Gilan assumed had been a terrifying nightmare. He lightly laid his hand on Will’s shoulder, in an attempt to calm him, but his younger friend flinched. Will moved back, fear evident on his face. Then he turned around. The apprentice ran outside and his friend followed. Gilan called his name, again, and again, but to seemingly no avail.

Then suddenly Will shot around. When he talked, he was spitting out the words. The breakdown came out of nowhere.   

“Sometimes I miss it, okay?”

When he saw the shock on Gilan’s face, he continued. He snapped.

“That’s right, I miss it. I miss leaves melting on my tongue as a warm feeling spreads out through me. I miss having something to look forward to every night, even if nothing else mattered. I even miss the coldness because it meant warmth was near.”

He pulled at the basket with practicing knives that Gilan recognised from his own apprenticeship, grabbed a handful. And with every ‘miss’, sent another knife flying down towards the specially designed target in one of the trees lining the forest. Moving his arm back, then forward again, the blade between his fingers, Will threw out all the anger, frustration, and anxious that had been building up inside him.

“I miss being just another ordinary face in the crowd.”

Knife.

“I miss not having to flinch every time someone unexpectedly comes near.”

Knife.

“I miss not trembling every second of every waking hour.”

Knife.

“I miss being able to think about anything without my mind twirling back to that place, sending me into the so-manieth panic attack.”

Knife.

“I miss not feeling ashamed.”

Knife. He sniffed.

“But most of all-” He bowed down to get a hold of more knives.

“I. Miss. Not. Having. To. Care.”

Will’s words were reduced to sobs as he rapidly threw the last six knives, each throw emphasising a single word. All knives hit the tree, but only a few of them ended up in the target.

His trembling and shaking were now out of control and he stood swaying on his legs.

When he turned around and Gilan could see him in the pale moonlight, tears were streaming down his face.

“I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment,” he whispered, words half blocked by the lump in his throat. His limbs missed any form of muscle strength and he fell. Thankfully, Gilan was there to help him, and together they sank to the ground.

Softly Gilan pulled back the fabric, revealing the scars he’d noticed before. The fresh scars. Horizontally, from wrist to elbow. Each deeper than the one before.

“Sometimes, when I’m asleep,” Will stammered, “I know that I’m dreaming, but I can’t seem to wake up. I’m usually subconscious enough to grab one of the knives that’s laying on the nightstand. Cutting myself, it… it wakes me up and makes me realise that I’m no longer there - I’m home now. I find it to be easier to live with the physical pain because… at least I know that will heal.”  

Gilan ran his fingers over the scars, his touch warm against the cold skin.

“You’re living the life of a Ranger, Will. A life that is filled with happy peaks, heroic events. But it’s also filled with terror, filled with horrific touches. It’s what you chose for, when Arald offered you the chance to go to battleschool, and again, when Duncan offered you a place in Castle Araluen. And it was the right choice. Because you are a Ranger, Will. I know it, Halt knows it, and Crowley knows it too. They didn’t give you that bronze oak leaf for nothing, you know.”  

Will swallowed audibly. When he spoke, there was a lump in his throat.

“What if… what if I said that I’ve thought about how much easier everything would be for everyone if I… if I was dead?”

“Don’t speak like that!” Gilan said. The authority of a full-fledged Ranger sounded in his voice.

“I’m not going to tell you to get over your struggles and simply continue your apprenticeship, because you shouldn’t be expected to after all you’ve gone through the past year. You’re allowed time have troubles, you’re allowed to take more time to get somewhere. But don’t you ever be ashamed of yourself, what you’ve gone through or what you’re struggling with!”

“But it’s not Ranger-like!”

Gilan sighed. He rolled up his own sleeve to reveal a long scar, running down from his shoulder to his elbow.

“It’s not always cutting, sometimes it’s deliberately not dodging the cut,” he explained, gentler now. “We’ve all done that.”  

“Everyone?”

Gilan chuckled.

“We’re Rangers, Will, not inhuman. No one said it would be easy. But we’re fighters. We fight evil and sometimes, that evil is inside us. We stumble and we fall, but in the end, we stand back up again.”

They sat together, for a few minutes, in complete silence. Gilan had wrapped his cloak around the boy for comfort. It was still early, and the warmth of the day hadn’t quite disappeared yet. A summer breeze was softly blowing. With it, came the sound of voices.

Will looked up, to see four figures approaching them.

His friends.

Gilan winked.

“Why don’t you get a fire going? You still know how to do that, don’t you?”

The boy smiled through his tears. It was a weak smile. But a smile nonetheless and he sniffed but wiped away the tears with the palm of his hand.

His jaw was set as he waited for his friends, gathering a few wooden sticks that would come in handy.

The five wards sat around the fire, enjoying each other’s company and each expressing their support in a different way. George rubbed his back. Jenny hugged. Horace softly bumped against him on multiple occasions. Alyss looked at him, and any time their eyes met, smiled.

When, at one point, their eyes distantly met over fire, Gilan saw it. It was small and faint, but there really was the hint of a twinkle lingering in the brown eyes.

>>>---------->

[a few months later]

His exams had been pushed back as promised. Now he stood in the middle of the woods surrounding the Gathering grounds, ready to finish off his final exam. He’d done well so far. Overall speaking, his arrows and knives had hit the targets. Not always perfectly in the middle, but close enough to eliminate an opponent. He’d had a short moment of panic during his combined strategy and mapping exam, when his assignment had been to find a location for a group of archers in the midst of war. His mind had flashed back to the battle in Skandia. To his archers, Horace and Evanlyn, as they stood behind the frontline but with the arrows flying around them. He remembered the fear, the blood, the muted thump of a body hitting the ground… But he’d breathed slowly, like Halt had practiced with him, and Crowley had muttered soft phrases of support to keep his mind from swirling back to that place. And so line by line the idea had come together. Now all that there was left was getting to the improvised shelter hidden in the bushes underneath Crowley’s latest hiding point.

Will slowly slipped forward, closely following the movements of the shadows. He brushed a twig to the side, but the twig was covered with a layer of snow and now it all came tumbling down on him.

Will froze. He just stood there, eyes squeezed shut. His breathing grew rapid and he shuddered.

Out of sight for the young apprentice, stood the Halt, Crowley, and Gilan. Halt’s face was grim and set. Crowley knew that his friend was itching to move, ready to dive in and save his apprentice. But if he did, if the mentor interfered with his apprentice’s exam, failure was imminent. The rules were strict.

Gilan glanced sideways, seeking the smallest form of confirmation. The tiny movement of Crowley’s head going up and down was enough. He jumped in. Gilan made sure to keep his footsteps quiet and precise, as not to interrupt the flow of the exam, but he knew Will would hear him approaching. He did so from upfront, and slowly reached out to him. He made sure not to startle him. Nothing unexpected, nothing close to the shoulders, nothing from behind him.

“Will?” he asked softly.

Quietly, the apprentice looked up again. When he opened his eyes, Gilan noticed the silent cry for help.

“Take my hand,” the tall Ranger whispered.

Will did.

“Let’s set out a fake trail now, shall we?”

Gilan led his young friend through the woods. There was no particular direction, just walking, without anyone knowing whereto. Instinctively, Will adjusted his movements to those of the shadows around him. Shaking and cold. But he kept moving forward. Until Gilan let go of his hand and Will - without interruption - moved all the way into the designated area.

Crowley clapped his hands. The exam was over.

Halt dove forward, pushed away branches and twigs until he’d found his apprentice. The boy sat hugging his knees, shaking, tears streaming down his face. The Ranger threw his arms around him, muttering words of comfort.

After a few minutes, Crowley joined them. He went down on his knees and laid a hand on the apprentice’s arm. Again, not his shoulder, not from behind him. They had all made sure to know and avoid the worst triggers.

The Commandant took something shiny from his pocket and held it out to him. Will stared at the necklace. Something within him was too ashamed to reach out to it, as if he didn’t deserve it.

Halt squeezed his shoulders and nudged him forward, urging him to accept. At last, a small shaking hand was raised, palm up.

The Commandant handed him the bronze oak leaf. As soon as the metal touched his hand palm, the shaking stopped.

Crowley knew from experience that the now third-year-apprentice had a long road to walk before he would be able to take on everything that the life of a Ranger brought with him.

He saw what Gilan had seen, months earlier. Except this time, it was stronger. The twinkle in the brown eyes.

If you ever feel like Will in ANY sort of way, don’t be afraid to seek contact, reach out. Like Halt, like Gilan, like Crowley and like Horace and Alyss and Jenny and George and Evanlyn - we’re there for you.

[afterthelastreset]

Rules Of One’s Soul Ch 3 A Story and Memory

(Mak belongs to @coffincrawler)

What followed after that was a sudden rush of adrenaline kicking in when he realized what had just happened was real. That Jevil had actually pecked him on the mouth and took off laughing up the stairs towards the elevator on the 'outside'. He spun around and ran face first into the top of the metal bars, making him stumble back, hands flying to his face and groaning in pain. The metal clang rang out and he took a few seconds getting his bearings and remembering he had to duck down to get through the cell door, before actually stumbling forward and out of the cell door just as he could hear a very familiar sound.

Ding!

His head snapped up just as the doors began closing and Jevil gave off a tiny wave with his fingers."Jevil! Thou stupid worm! Stop thine doors from closing this instant!," he yelled up in frustration as he stumble-ran his way up the stairs towards him. The imp only giggled.

"The fun, fun has already begun Rouxls.~ To play the game you have to stay on light, light feet.~ Such a chaotic play.~"

"Why you insolent little-!" The rest of the door closed just as he reached the top step, his arms slammed into the doors just as insanely happy laughter echoed within it. Rouxls could feel his teeth grit in frustration as his ears pressed tighter to his head. Did that little worm really think he could just escape that easily?! .....Wait a minute. "FUCKETH THINESELF!!" His hands flew up to his head as he just realized, Lancer was still most likely up there doing who knows what!! "MINE BOY!!!" His voiced raised a pitch as his breathing picked up pace again.

That lunatic was on the loose and could do who know's what to anyone! He wouldn't let anything happen to his child if he could prevent it! And he would live up to that promise. The familiar buzzing of magic surrounded him making an almost static cloud of energy and soon a blinding blue light overtook his entire vision. For about 3 seconds his whole body felt like a part of said static energy, completely weightless before he all came rushing back together in one split moment. The blinding blue light disbanded and he opened his eyes to the completely different surroundings around him. A pair of Rudin guards had been startled of the sudden teleportation of the Duke of Puzzles and gave each other a quick look before blinking back up at their annoyed looking boss. The worm monster gave an annoyed look at the closed elevator doors up ahead and narrowed his eyes.

Taking a moment to right himself, he marched towards the doors. This was the first floor from the dungeon and the special cell way down below, so this would be the most likely stop for the crazy clown to step off from. Just as Rouxls thought, he could hear the running elevator approaching and sped walked faster to the doors. The two Rudin guards watching with confused faces behind him. Probably wondering why the Duke teleported out of nowhere and why there were bruises on his face. His face still hurt from his smack into the bars. But none of that mattered now as the elevator stopped with a ding noise and slowly opened-

"Thou art insane," he hissed when the door opened, "Doth thou knoweth you can't just walk-" He stopped and blinked. The elevator was completely empty. He stared unbelievably at the empty space for a good moment before shaking his head and sticking half his body into the empty space to turn around. "Are....thou invisible?" He reached an arm around to feel the empty air but he got his answer when a high pitches wail pierced the air followed by crashing noises and more shouting. "Shiteth!"

The two guards watched in confused worry as the duke ran back up the hallway with panic on his melting face, passed them and continued down the corridor before turning the left corner....Before looking back at each other again. The Duke however was running as fast as his legs could carry him towards the loud noises. Other guards and servants looked on with mixed emotions on their faces towards what happened to be the largest room on the first floor or at the Duke running past them all. The room's light became slightly darker and the smell of ash filled the air....Smoke? There was smoke in the building!? And where there was usually smoke there was fire, and the fire... The panicked adrenaline in his veins urging him on towards the rucus. The kitchen doors were thrown open as the panicked worm threw them open and looked around with a wild look in his eyes.

"What tis happening?! Where is he!? Wh- *cough cough* Where's thy fire?!," he shouted through a few coughs. The black cloud was coming from the corner of the room where a hathy was doing her best to fan the smoke away with a small towel which was currently pooling from an old oven. The poor hathy took one look at the duke before turning back to fanning the smoke faster whimpering apologies. The smoke began to make his eyes water and he turned his head to give off another round of coughing as the vile air filled his lungs. "What happened here?! *cough* I want aan-answers! *ach*"

"U-Um, s-sorry, Sir." Another hathy reached a tentacle behind their head sheepishly while giving the duke a sorry look. "B-But it's the first day on the job for some of our new recruits." He motioned to the panicking hathy still fanning the smoke from the open oven. "Uh....D-Dinner might be late tonight."

He waved a hand to dismiss them before turning and exiting the room. His eyes watered from the amount of smoke coming from one room alone. "Windows. Open thine windows!" He choked out between coughs at the still watching staff, they didn't have to be told twice as they scrambled for the giant windows lining the far wall. Rouxls hacked and coughed his way from the kitchen to somewhere he couldn't smell the ghastly stench anymore. Thankfully he didn't have to walk a long way to get clean air. He gulped a lungful of the sweet air and slowly began to regain some kind of composure. How humiliating that a simple overcooked roast could reduce him of all people into a sick dog so easily. How embarrassing. At least Jevil didn't start a fire....Oh. Right.

"Stupid, insolent, dammed hellspawn from thy deepest depths!!,"he shouted once he got his breathing back in order. The anger and anxiety flaring up made his eye twitch, alongside the dread of not knowing where Lancer was made him feel sick again. For all he knew the imp could be doing something terrible with Lancer. What if he was already in trouble? What would h-

"Lesser Dad?" He squeaked out a startled noise and turned to find the child no less than two feet from him. He stared up at the man with his tongue sticking out in a confused manner. "Why were you saying all those bad words? Did someone steal something from your shop again?"

He instantly sighed in relief from seeing the small child in front of him, he straightened back up immediately and gave Lancer a smile to his question. "No need to worry about that, mine littlest worm. I'm just relieved to have found you safe and sound and not being dragged into thine jester's schemes." He said the last words through gritted teeth.

Lancer was even more confused. "What does that mean? Did Uncle Jevil get his food?"

"Uh....T-Thou could sayest that, but thou doth not needst to worry about that right now." He gave a look around before holding out his hand to which Lancer instinctively grabbed. "Right now thou should really worry about other things."

"What other things? I'm done being king for the day, so now I can go ride my bike and see Ralsei!"

He sighed again. This would be a long night. "Lancer, thou doesn't simply just be done with being King for thee day. Being King is a life time thing, tis your responsibility as one of thee kings to uphold thine duties-"

"Oh, I already did that!"

"Thou has?" He rose a brow. Maybe there was hope yet for the boy's attention span. "In the hour I was....busy thou accomplished thy royal duties?"

"Well,....I had some help and I left all the paperwork on your desk like Dad used to do." Of course, he should've known better. More work for him later, but at least he'd have some excuse to keep his attention on other matters. He was dragged down to hunch over as the much smaller boy tugged on his hand towards the kitchen. "C'mon. I'm hungry-"

"I think I hast already lost mine appetite."

========================================================================== Being a single father to a spade child wasn't easy. He should know.

Feeding Lancer and trying to keep him out of trouble was no easy feat. Trust me, he's done this job for quite a few years but it was harder when one has to consider the fact that as a very energetic child and now as king he technically didn't have to follow the same rules he had to when he was simply a prince less than two months ago. But that didn't mean he didn't listen to Rouxls either, calling him Dad still and listening whenever Rouxls scolded him or gave him advice. But that didn't mean he still couldn't pull the 'I'm King now so you have to do as I say now' card, and Rouxls had to obey the laws set down by the king. And while worms were enough to content him for now, he had a feeling he'd be bothered again with the matter very soon

The rest of that day had gone by slowly....VERY slowly. The boy had him running around behind him for the remainder of the day, wearily looking his shoulder every show often out of habit, expecting you know who to show up magically at any moment, but no matter how many times he thought he heard the unruly laughing or feared of seeing that madman's smile upon his face like the other incidents between the two, it never came. It was probably just the darkness of the shadows that he always saw, but couldn't help but flinch at. It just reminded him too much of what really used to take place behind closed doors when the small bouncing boy wasn't looking. He still had nightmares of what he'd heard about at the hands of the Ex-King Spades or the rare times he'd walk in on something he'd rather forget but couldn't....Or the few times he....personally had his own demonstration of what happened when one displeased their king......Which Lancer didn't need to know about, not now or ever. He'd die before letting the child be tainted by his father's past actions.

"Lesser Dad?" The worm monster stopped his internal rambling and snapped his head back down to the small boy holding his hand. Lancer gave off a tired puppy sounding yawn showing off his mini fangs and bright blue tongue for a couple seconds before his mouth reclosed. He gave a tired smile up at him. "I'm starting to get tired from all this King stuff. Can I go to bed now?"

"*sigh* Of course. Even the greatest of kings needs their sleep." He gave another smile before looking over his shoulder again around the darkness of the hallway behind them for a moment. Lancer leaned sideways to take a look at what his father was looking at, when he didn't see anything he turned back to Rouxls.

"What are you looking at?"

"Uh..I- N-Nothing. I'm just tired as well." He gave off another fake smile to try and seem relaxed around the child. Tugging his hand gently to motion him along down the hallway. "N-Now thou was saying?"

Lancer didn't question the smile and just tiredly trudged along, trying to keep up with Rouxls's long strides in his tired state. He yawned again showing off his k-9s and inner mouth before reaching up a paw to rub at his face hole.

"I'm tired...."

"I can see that. Thou's had a long day haven't you?" He chuckled trying to lift the invading feeling of anxiety from bubbling up from the surrounding shadows. It's going to take a while to get over feeling constantly drained from the last person he took orders from.

"Mmm hmmm."

Rouxls gave a sigh before trying to walk a bit faster towards the royal bedroom. He had a few things to get down that night and needed to put Lancer to bed to have one less thing to worry about doing that night- He stopped when he felt Lancer's hand slip from his, and he turned around. The small boy stood there slightly rocking back and forth slowly blinking his tired face hole. He yawned once again and reached both paws up to wipe at his face. Rouxls stopped and stared at the child for a moment before sighing and shaking his head, his legs carried his back over to the spade where he stopped and leaned down, holding his arms out to either side of him. The small spade reacted instantly by reaching up and wrapping his arms around the worm's neck, Rouxl's arms instantly went around the child before lifting him up with a grunt. Lancer being a spade, was naturally bigger and heavier than any other child his own age due to the fact that he would grow to be HUGE adult like his father as he got over, so naturally the duke stumbled a bit on his first few steps carrying Lancer towards his bedroom. The small child sighed and snuggled into the cool feeling of Rouxls's skin. It was almost like a water bed, but firmer.

They went down the hall shuffling and grunting until reaching a door connected to the far wall. It was a bit difficult to balance a heavy child in one arm while trying to reach for the door with the other. He fumbled a bit, but managed to turn the knob before shoving the door open with his foot. It swung open with a creek and Rouxls shuffled his way into the dark room. He could still faintly see the small toys scattered across the floor and a few other various knick knacks here and there despite it though, and was able to kick most out of his way as he made it over to the bed. Upon reaching it, he sighed and once again did the juggling act of balancing a now sleeping Lancer in one arm as he reached over to pull back the blankets with the other hand all the while not trying to fall over himself. He ended up gently plopping Lancer down onto the mattress and accidentally waking him up in the process. He blinked a couple times before yawning as Rouxls pulled up the blankets to be level with his chest.

"Lesser Dad...*yawwwwwwnn* C-Could you tell me a story?"

"Aren't thou a little old for stories?" A small paw grabbed his hand as he was about to tuck in the small spade.

"Please?"

A small silence. And then he sighed again but this time with a smile. "Alright. But just a short one." Lancer happily complied to the tuck ins as the duke pulled the blanket farther up his body- "Once there was a King and Queen, and they eventually bore a son-"

"Like me?"

"In a way, but not everything was well." A grimace came to his face and he leaned back up from the bed. "Thy king was always a bit....unpredictable with his behaviors, but it got worse when his Queen vanished-"

"Where did she go?" The small spade questioned still blinking sleepily at him, battiling the urge to nap.

"*sigh* I wish I knew-...Uh- I mean-" He coughed and looked away. "N-No one really knewest where thine Queen went. She may have runneth away or went into hiding somewhere far away from her kingdom. You see-...Thee King's wasn't very nice to everyone despite thine Queen's patience o-or her kind words....but h-he loved her. V-Very much, and I guess losing her pushed him to thou's edge."

He gave off a spaced expression and almost forgot Lancer was still awake when he asked-

"What happened to them?"

He flinched and stuttered. "U-Uh...Well-...The King grew to be more...." Cruel, murderous, insane?? "....More distant to his true duties as his subjects king. H-He made a lot of....mistakes that everyone nay liked, nor did he do anything to fix said mistakes."

"What happened to the baby...?"

Rouxls chuckled and his face became the slightest bit softer. "The king's son grew up to be very troublesome, but also very kind and...determined. Everything the king once was but had forgotten. He...was the good that came out of something so evil. I still shan't ever knowest how but he did-"

"What....happened...n-next..?"

"Thy prince rallied an army of his own and defeated the evil king of course. And became a good ruler as he would've been either way, and grew up to be a happy man with a family of his own one day-"

"W-Wait." He sat up slightly and blinked up at him with his last awakeness power. "W-What about the mom? Did she come back?"

The Duke stared at nothing silently for a moment before sighing and shaking his head. "I'm afraid not."

"What? But that's not fair!"

"Well-..." He finally looked back to him. "Sometimes there are some people who nay have any happy endings to their stories, and sometimes stories don't have thine happily ever after at all....or completely. Some still deal with their own...uh- difficulties even after they get thou's happy ending-..."

He was interrupted by the sound of a soft snore and he glanced back to Lancer, who was happily asleep now. He sighed before reaching a hand over to pull the blanket up slightly before slipping his grip free. He took few moments just staring at the sleeping child before silently turning and taking his leave from the room careful to not step on anything on the way out and closing the door silently.

"We all have our happy endings eventually. But I'm afraid thou's is just in the beginning pages."

==========================================================================

The long walk back towards the Duke's own private courters was barely a blink before he ended up back in front of his old shop, usually the long walk would've taken at most fifteen minutes if he sped walked, but he had been a little busy looking over his shoulder every few seconds out of fear he was being watched or followed. His body shook with the slowly built up anxiety and fear that had been plaguing him since early that morning. But he didn't see or hear anything indicating where the deranged fool may have gone or where he currently was. H*ll for all he knew he could be back in that cell, or right behind him....or- GOOD LORD! Why didn't he check Lancer's room before he sent the child to bed?! Too late now though. The child would put up a fuss if he went back to wake him up over his own paranoia, and what would everybody else think if they saw his paranoid behavior? The other Kings could see him as a threat to the boy king and he was NOT about to be sent to be locked up with the Ex King Spades. The very thought made him shudder. No. He'd have to trust the guards tonight and find a way to deal with this madness in the morn-.....He froze.

"...W-What thy f*ck?"

Up ahead was the 'Hip Shoppe' as he called it. Every so often he'd get the occasional customer and earn a few extra dark dollars on the side, but what customer would come in the middle of the sleeping hour? That's what he thought when he saw a faint orange light moving about through the front windows of the shoppe. Why would anyone be there at this hour- His eyes slowly traced to the sign in the window that still said open, and he froze before eternally cursing at himself. He had stupidly left the open sign stuck in his window all day!...Come to think of it, when was the last time he actually put the sign away? ...No. You shouldn't be thinking of that now. Now is the time to ask, who the heck was in the shoppe and why?

For a moment he reconsidered going back to the castle and just sleeping in his office or getting some guards but the light suddenly stopped moving and he stilled stared at the shop from in the middle of the road leading up to it. His legs slowly began carrying him towards the shoppe. If this was some midnight guard trying to steal something or a theif, then they had another thing coming. The Duke of Puzzles wasn't the strongest monster, but he wasn't the weakest when it came to fights. He could always teleport away if it came too much. He just hoped it wasn't who he thought it was. If it was...

The light still hadn't moved as the duke slowed his pace before stopping a few feet away from the door, he stood there for a little while before shakily looking over his shoulder towards the darkened trees and shadows behind him...Yeah. No way he was staying out here. So sucking a breath he began approaching the door again before stopping directly in front of it. He stared at the doorknob for a long time before slowly reaching his hand out watching as it slowly wrapped around the cold metal. The door was slowly opened and the duke froze at the sight before him.

".....oh, sh*t..."

A lantern shown bright above the counter next to the register. It's soft glow illuminated a good portion of the shoppe...and the giant furry figure next to it. Though he didn't react when the door opened, he did react to the soft cuss mumbled with a flick of the ear and turn of his head. The figure was easily a foot taller than himself, covered in fur. His body looked old and worn from the many scars his face showed. Both froze as they made eye contact. A small silence followed as they stared at each other before the slightly taller one smiled.

"Well, well. Another visitor to rummage through the wares I see. Welcome Stranger." He greeted in a voice that sounded younger than the body it came from.

Rouxls stood there dumbfounded. "...Who...What art thou doing in mine shoppe?!" He looked past him at the counter and noticed a small box by the lantern filled with what he assumed the furry thing had been taking...Nonono. Not taking. Stealing. He narrowed his eyes at the figure, a new feeling of anger replacing the fear. "Thief!" He pointed a hand accusingly at the....cat?? It looked sorta like one. "What does thou think you're doing coming into mine shoppe and taking mine wares?! "

The cat didn't even flinch. "Oh, so you own the place?" Rouxls nodded with pursed lips and the figure hummed. "Oh, I see....Ahahaha. I think there's been a mistake. I was told the place had been abandoned by the previous owner a month ago. Never saw anyone so I assumed the rumors to be true."

".....Whom art thou?"

The figure chuckled again. "How rude of me. The name's Sham but spelt with an 'e a'." The cat thing held out a paw from the tattered cloak with a smile. "For give me. I didn't know someone would be coming back, so I have been helping myself to some of your stock whenever I got low this month. Mr...."

"Rouxls Kaard." He glanced down at the paw before frowning more and holding a hand to his chest. "Duke of Puzzles and Royal Advisor to King Lancer. Not to the mention thine owner of the very place thou stands." He was expecting the cat to start begging forgiveness for his mistake, what he didn't expect was this Seam to chuckle.

"Oh...So you're this 'Evil Duke' the jigsawries used to babble on about stealing their jobs." Rouxls sputtered at the cat's reaction as well as the term he just used. Evil?! Him?! Seam chuckled at the Duke's reaction before saying. "I do beg my pardon. I wasn't aware I was in the presence of nobility now."

"W-Well...Thou shouldst be!" He crossed his arms and pouted in a way Lancer would sometimes do (Gee! I wonder where he learnt that from?) making Seam chuckle again. "I-In fact, thou should be thanking me for not throwing thou's self in thine dungeon for theivory and trespassing!"

"To be fair, you were not here for over a month. I thought for sure it was abandoned just like many other things in this world-"

"W-Well it was nay abandoned!"

"My apologies. Would you prefer I put everything back? I could pay you back for what I remember taking but I lost count. These old stitches aren't what they used to be I'm afraid."

Rouxls just stared at him. Did-...Did this old cat just apologize and offer to pay for things he thought were abandoned?? He searched his face for any trickery but all he got was a patient smile back. He opened his mouth but glanced back to the small box on the counter for a second.....

"...N-No. I have nay time to deal with such trivial things this late at night,and I'm quite busy with royal duties to the kings!" He pointed behind him at the open door before saying. "Take what little things thou have taken and leave. I do not wish to see you unsupervised within mine courters again. Or next time I shan't show mercy upon thee."

Seam chuckled again before asking, "If that's your answer, then who am I to ignore the duke?"

Turning back around, the stranger grabbed the small box in one hand and the lantern in the other before turning towards the door. Rouxls had to step aside to allow the stranger to get past him and out the open door. Seam stopped and turned back around to give the Duke one last smile.

"Perhaps friend, next time you should consider locking doors."

Rouxls didn't get a chance to answer before he turned back around and began to shuffle away. He stood there dumbfounded before quickly going over to close the door and lock it tight. He turned his eyes towards the window to watch the stranger walk away becoming a shadow among the other shadows with the light. He watched from the window for as long as he could before giving off another sigh and reaching over to tug at the sign. Turning it around to say: Closed.

When would this stressful day even end?

Sighing, he turned to stumble his way towards the back. Back there was a room with a bed that wasn't a his office desk and chair he was very interested in sleeping in and right now he just wanted to sleep and nothing else. It didn't take him long to find it either. He sighed in relief just as he flopped face first onto the soft but dusty bed which made him cough a little bit but it WAS better than a desk and chair. He let himself sink into the soft, a heavy feeling sinking in as his eyes closed. He had a lot of stuff to deal with right now and didn't need to deal with anything Jevil or this theif Seam caused until tomorrow.....Wait a second. His eyes blinked back awake as his brain wired a memory.

Didn't-......Didn't Jevil mention a Seam??

[xiumin-on-this-shit]

All My Idols Ch 35: Not The Right Time for Us, But Time to Raise Hell

“Hi,” Kyungsoo greets bashfully, opening his front door, I’ve never seen the man look so awkward. “Hi Oppa,” I respond back, dancing on my toes. “Come in!” He opens the door fully, allowing me to step pass him and into the quiet townhome, the only sound coming from the speaker playing softly in the corner. I slip off my shoes, a pair of pink slippers is sitting there for me to step into. Kyungsoo takes my jacket from me, he hangs it up in the nearby closet before leading me farther into the beautiful apartment. “Thank you for coming over,” He mumbles sweetly, leading me into the kitchen.

“Thank you for being so flexible with our plans. Again, I’m so sorry about Jiyong oppa, he isn’t usually this crazy,” I grimace at the memory of this morning. Kyungsoo, thankfully, just laughs it off, “I knew what I was signing up for when I asked you out on a date. If I’m being honest, I’m happy that we moved it here. More private.” “I agree, it’s hard enough to go out in public as us but with a price on our heads I don’t imagine it would have been fun.” “This also give me a chance to show off my cooking skills,” He gestures to the pots and pans on the stove. I take a moment to fully appreciate the full kitchen that isn’t usually in Korean apartments, I can only assume the man had it installed himself. I breath in the scent of seasoned meat and something spicy, not Korean spicy though. “Pulled pork tacos,” He pulls all lid off one of the pans revealing frying pork. I raise a brow at him, not knowing it is part of his cookbook. “You had mentioned to Yixing hyung that you were craving more western foods so I thought I would give it a try, so please be kind when trying it. It is my first time.” I can’t hold back the smile spreading across my face, “Thank you Oppa.” “Anytime.” “I’m going to take you up on that offer, I hope you know that.” “I really hope you do,” He hums as he stirs the meat a bit, “Now tell me something though. How did you escape Jiyong and the rest of big bang?” I chuckle, “Oh that was a tricky thing. Seunghyun oppa helped me out a lot after lots of fatherly warnings, he was able to hold Jiyong and Seungri back while I gave the other two puppy dog eyes that they couldn’t refuse.” “I should expect nothing less from you, the greatest escape artist. You alluded me and the other members for almost a year, I have personally experienced your amazing skills.” “Yea,” I awkwardly rub the back of my neck, guilt settles in the pit of my stomach, “I’m still sorry about that. I was just so over whelmed with the idea of meeting all of you I panicked every time you guys appeared.” “No need to apologize, we are here now.” His smile melts my heart like it always does, making me smile like an idiot, “But there is something else I should apologize for.” “What?” “The randsome for your capture.” “For mine? Yours is twice as valuable!” He whips out his phone, the announcement clear on his phone, “’For bringing back our princess unharmed you will receive a prize of $100 and a group photo with Big Bang.’ The price on mine is only $50.” “This is ridiculous.” “Now it’s ridiculous?” The usually sweet man mocks. “When would you have drawn the line?” “When I started receiving more than twenty messages for not answering back.” Those doe eyes slide over to my phone which is sitting silently on the counter, silent but not dead sadly. You have 13 missed calls You have 32 unread messages “Oh my god.” “Are they all from the same person?” “I’m just assuming from at least five different people if not more.” “And here I thought I was popular,” He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly as if trying to push away the blush crawling up from under his shirt. “I’m probably distracting you from some important people.” “You are not distracting me from anyone, my phone is taking away from me focusing on you,” Without any hesitation, but a small amount of anxiety, I turn off my phone and hope for the best. Setting it to the side I look back up at Kyungsoo, “You have my full attention.” “And I have no idea what to do with it,” He blurts out without much thought. “You’re the one who asked me on a date.” “I didn’t think you would actually say yes! I figured you would have let me down gently since Minseok hyung is your favorite.” “What does that have to do with me dating anyone?” “He’s your bias!” “He was my bias since 2013! My lack of dating is more to do with my lack of interest in it than in my casual obsession with boys who I thought would never know I existed.” “So Minseok hyung?” “To be honest I’m a little in love with him, but I’m a little in love with every idol I knew about before all of this, that does include you by the way. But that is a different kind of love, okay?” “Okay.” “Now can we have a normal conversation about each other and not someone else? Please?” “Okay, what do you want to talk about?” I hum, “What is your favorite childhood memory?” Time flies faster than I expected, playing an interesting version of 20 questions breaks the ice easily. I find myself asking more personal questions as time goes on and he does the same in turn. Before long, he is dishing out our meal on to expensive looking plates like he did it for a living. If I could I would take a picture but instead of opening that can of worms I opt to just memorize the picture in front of me. The tortillas lined up loaded with pork and different toppings, from cabbage to carrot to cilantro, and a few other things I couldn’t name. The different colors brightened the dish and put into a whole other category of delicious, I almost don’t want to eat it. Kyungsoo eagerly encourages me, or gently pressured me, into taking a big bite, his eyes the size of the moon and just as white, until I smile in appreciation, “It’s delicious Oppa!” He lets out a breath, “Thank goodness.” “How about you try a bite?” I hold out the small taco to him, I flip it around, so he can have the uneaten end. The man nervously licks those full lips before opening his mouth, allowing me to feed him. It is the most date like thing we’ve done all day and it ended exactly how I expected, with the filling landing on the floor in between us. Neither one of us can hold in a laugh at the loud splat that echoes through the kitchen that has us clutching our stomachs. “Delicious,” He agrees when he can catch a breath. “I’ll clean it up.” “You’re my guest, I should do it!” I chuckle, “I recommend cleaning up yourself,” I hand the man a napkin to clean off his chin. I duck under the counter with another napkin to clean up the small mess before dumping it in the trash. “Did I get it?” He wonders holding up his chin for me to inspect. I gently guide his chin with my hand, tilting his head in many different, dramatic directions before pulling away with a smile, “Yep, as handsome as ever.” We throw a few more jokes at each other before continuing our meal. The man’s surprisingly dark sense of humor brightens my day more than it should. I barely have time to take bites in between his contagious laughter and never ending snide comments. Seeing his heart shaped smile in person for so long is doing serious damage to my soul and my cheeks, I don’t smile this much. Things are going great until there is a knock at the door. We share a confused look as we put our food down and shuffle into the hall, “Are you expecting someone else?” He shakes his head, “No but that never stopped anyone before.” We go closer to the door, stopping just shy to turn on the little monitor on the wall. Kyungsoo quickly gets the camera to show Kai and Sehun standing on the other side. The man next to me literally growls, “Those idiots.” The two seem to realize the camera is on and quickly begin shouting at it, “Hyung! We know you are home! Is Charlie here? She isn’t responding to anyone and since you turned your phone off I’m assuming she’s in there with you! Hyung!” “I’m going to kill them,” Kyungsoo reaches for the microphone button but I catch his hand. “Maybe if we ignore them, they will go away,” I suggest. They bang on the door together, “I mean they will have to use the bathroom eventually and leave.” “You would think they could leave us alone for one day.” “You would think that, but I knew this would happen. I’m sorry Oppa, this is all my fault,” I groan as I rest my head on his shoulder, groaning at my own blessings. “Don’t look so hopeless, maybe you’re right and they will go away.” Their timing is so perfect I’m half sure they can hear us, Sehun informs us, “We told Jiyong where you are.” “Fuck,” I blurt out, dropping to the ground in utter hopelessness. Kyungsoo chuckles sadly, “Well I guess that’s game over. It was nice to have all of your attention for at least a few hours.” He joins me on the floor, we lay side by side in the hallway and stare at the ceiling for a moment to collect ourselves. “To be completely honest,” Kyungsoo hums, “I should have known better than to ask you on a date. It was kind of an unspoken rule for this reason alone. I figured I could get away with it since you said I was one of your bias but I guess I was thinking too highly of myself.” “I am going to throw you out there to them if you don’t shut up. We are both amazing. We both deserved a quiet afternoon, not just two hours of hiding out. This is all fucking ridiculous. I love everyone but I just really wanted to go on a date without being hounded or stalked. Now I see why you guys don’t date, sneaking around sucks!” “It really does, but don’t worry, as time goes on you’ll get more freedom. Trust me, that’s why you’ve only received a few threats here and there compared to people trying to break down the door for me. You just gotta be patient.” I look at him, “Patient?” He nods. I look back up, my eyes narrowed into slits as my anger begins to set in. It’s not even for myself but for my many friends and idols who have to deal with this on a regular bases. They have to be patient with their heart, sell it away in their company until their contract allows. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, not wanting to get myself all worked up. “Let’s go,” I jump to my feet. Kyungsoo slowly sits up, he stares up at me confused, “Where are we going?” “If I have to be patient and not date, this no longer a date and that means we are no longer targets so we are going out and having fun. Now get up because we need to get out of here before the mob arrives.” I grab my own shoes and a pair of his that match his outfit well enough before heading towards the back for a way out. “The back door is to your left. Let me turn everything off!” Kyungsoo yells from the kitchen as I pull on my shoes. He joins me a few moments later and pulls his shoes on faster than I expected, the normally shy, quiet man bounces one his toes happily. Ready to run. “I think they are getting suspicious. I wouldn’t be surprised if Chanyeol and Baek are hanging out in the alley way.” I stand there for a moment next to this man, staring up at him with obvious adoration at the fact he is ready to go on the run with me away from his friends and colleagues with a price on his head. It feels like the plot to some cheesy romantic drama but I don’t mind, I just smile as I grab his hand lead him out the door.

I hold Kyungsoo’s hand in a death grip as we run down a random alley, finally out of sight of our captures. Our chests are heaving, our feet ache, and our legs are barely holding us up but the massive grins on our faces tell each other that it was so worth it. We hold our breath as we see Baekhyun and his giant accomplice sprint by the alley, our eyes lock after about 30 seconds, we let the breath out as our laughs fill the busy alley away. “I guess I got my cardio for the month out of the way,” “For the week? I’m good for the year!” We slouch against the wall with a deep sigh of relief. My aching legs force me lower, I wrap my arm around Kyungsoo’s, he looks at me with raised brows, “If I’m going down I’m taking you with me.” He laughs, “I don’t think I would mind that too much.” We huff out a breathless laugh together as we take a quick moment to relax. But when my eyes land on an older woman eyeing us suspiciously I tense and spin around to face the brick wall behind us, forcing Kyungsoo to do the same. “We probably should have put on some kind of disguise.” Kyungsoo glances over his shoulder as casually as possible, absolutely failing to make it casual. I struggle to hold in a laugh as he looks at the woman with his large eyes, her thin, heavy bagged eyes study him in return but she shows no reaction if she does recognize us. She looks back down to the stone bowls boiling in front of her, she flips the fish grilling to a crisp, she pays our strangeness no mind and I silently thank her lack socialite knowledge. I once again release a breath, this one I didn’t know I was holding. “I’ll be right back,” He tells me as he leans me up against the wall of an alley restaurant. Before I have the chance to even question him, he is answering with a smile, “We need disguises, and one of us is easier to spot than the other.” I look down at myself, my blonde curls fall into view, “Fair enough.” He nods as he peeks out of the alley and quickly slips away into the full afternoon crowd. I sigh. The lady looks back up, “You and your boyfriend are interesting. You look cute together but act very strange.” I smile warmly at her honest compliment, “Thank you ma’am, but we aren’t dating.” “You’re not? Why?” She snaps back, “He’s really handsome! You aren’t going to find a better looking man, sure he isn’t very tall but he has strong shoulders and that is what is important!” “He is very handsome!” I quickly agree, “But we both decided we aren’t going to date, we aren’t in the right spot in our life.” She snickers, “You’ll die alone if you are waiting for the right time.” “Ma’am, I am only 23.” “I was married with two children at your age! How else are you supposed to be the youngest grandmother in the neighborhood?” “You can’t be a grandmother!” I click at her, earning a smirk from the older woman, “You don’t look a day over 25!” “You little sweet talker,” She playfully pretends to swat at me with her stirring spoon, “I remember when I was young, I thought I was indestructible. I would do all sorts of crazy things, drove my father insane but it was amazing.” “I see how you ended up with two kids at my age.” “Watch that mouth of yours,” She warns with her spoon pointed at me once again, “What I’m trying to say before your-not-boyfriend comes back is that if you are young and have no responsibilities yet, have fun, be crazy, don’t care what other people think, okay?” “Okay.” Kyungsoo appears with a shopping bag in hand, “Okay I think this should keep us from being spotted by anyone, I don’t think anyone has come back this way, so we should have an opening to sneak away.” “I see you are already doing something crazy,” The lady hums, staring back at her cooking. “Did I miss something?” Kyungsoo questions. I shake my head, “Nothing really, just some information from a wise young lady.” The woman huffs. “Let’s get this stuff on and head to the han river.” “The river? We are going straight to the most public place?” I can tell he isn’t going to say no but he isn’t going to hold himself back from questioning my decision. “I figured fuck it! Why not?” He nods, “Okay! Well than let’s bundle up and do this.” The sweet man wraps a large scarf around my neck, followed by a hat and a face mask, the go to for idols hiding in the open. He then puts the same things on himself, blending in perfectly with crowds on the street while I still stand a part with my tan skin and my curls peeking out from my hat. “Just keep your head down and your hands in your pockets, I’ll keep my eyes ahead and lead us there okay?” “Yes, sir!” I salute him before shoving my hands deep into my pockets, Kyungsoo locks his arm with mine as he leads the way back on to the street. We blend in with the crowd, shoving and being shoved as we make our way to the closest subway station. We don’t talk the whole way there, on the subway platform our eyes are searching for our captors. On the train Kyungsoo blocks me from the rest of the train car by positioning me into the farthest corner, his height and wide shoulders easily hide me from any possible prying eyes. Our stop is announced over head, he pulls me along off the train and up to the street. Even in the chilly weather people still litter the grass, couples and groups huddling together to stay warm while they chat and munch on snacks. It’s so full of people that I almost consider removing my face mask, I doubt anyone would suspect we would come here but just to be sure I leave it on. Kyungsoo leads us to the edge of the river, we sit together on the cold stone bench few away from the water. We sit there for a while just enjoying the people walking by and the each other’s company. Every time a person comes to close we both tense slightly, but each time the stranger continues on their way, unaware of who we are. Kyungsoo relaxes once again at my side, his shoulders slumping. He sighs, “I feel like an escaped convict. Like we are just waiting to get busted.” “We are,” I agree, eyeing people inconspicuously over my shoulder. “Someone is probably going to find us by the end of the day, how long do you think we have?” “My money is on 10:00.” I hum, “I give us until midnight to raise some hell.” “It’s going to be getting dark soon so that will give us a little bit more cover. We have about three hours until my bet will loose, do you think we can do it?” “Three hours? Damn right we can! But we might as well enjoy the hunt too,” I pull out my phone and turn it on. I quickly put it on do not disturb before pulling Kyungsoo close and snapping a picture of us. “Would it be cruel for me to just tease them?” A large grin spreads across his face, “As you said, we might as well enjoy it.” With our agreement on the subject I save the photo and make a delayed posting time for thirty minutes from now, “Lets grab a snack and go!” “Where are we off to?” “I picked this one, your turn! What is something you love to do around town? Or what haven’t you had the chance to do in awhile?” “We could um, I know it might not be the most hell raising thing, but we could… go try on traditional clothes?” I grin, “I haven’t had the opportunity to, lets go!” Arm in arm we stop at a truck vendor and pick up some bubble tea before rushing towards the shops a little farther down. We scan each sign from top to bottom of the tall building, trying to find the least busy Hanbok shop to go into. We find one another block down with only two other patrons inside. Against my arguments, Kyungsoo pays, we are separated and allowed to pick out whatever colors we would like. The shop owner is an older man who doesn’t obviously show if he recognizes us. Inside the dressing room I scan over each beautiful piece of fabric, the bright beautiful colors leave me in awe. A baby blue top attracts my full attention, the pale pink skirt compliments it so perfectly it makes my decision easy. There is a diagram on the wall that explains how to put it on but when it comes to the little knot to hold the top closed I struggle more than I should. Peaking out of the dressing room I find Kyungsoo already in the staging room, sitting awkwardly on the pillow throne. With the large amount of dramas I have watched over the years, I am able to figure out he is dressed as the prince. So handsome. The silky blue fabric looks so wonderful on him, I stand in the doorway for a long moment just appreciating him. His eyes find me a moment later, they close slightly as he smiles at me. “Any chance you can help me tie this?” I gesture to the coat. He quickly comes over and almost expertly ties the little bow on my chest. The click of a camera brings both of our attention to the shop owner who is already snapping photos. “I am sorry, I usually have a girl here who helps the lady do their hair and help them into the gowns,” He apologizes softly. I wave away his kind words, “It’s okay! I figured it out.” “Plus, her hair looks amazing naturally,” Kyungsoo adds in shyly. The owner ushers us into our positions, doing the usual couple photos before doing individuals. It’s almost impossible for us to keep a straight face with the man narrating our ancient Korean story as star crossed lovers. We ruined a few photos but made a few of them even better with genuine smiles and mischievous grins. After the photo shoot and the man emails us the photos he gives us the option to wear them out around the area. We share a look but decide to decline his kind offer. If we want to make it at least another two hours we can’t completely push our luck just yet.

[language-of-love]

sweater weather: fireplace and whiskey...

This is the first of many fall prompt fics I’ll be writing over the next few months. This one came from @durbanskies! I’ll be posting these all as a series titled “sweater weather” on AO3 as well. (2000 words, M rated)

🍂

A sudden gust of wind makes the flame of David’s cinnamon and clove candle dance and almost burn out, but it hangs on, straightening itself once again after a long moment in the deep orange glass holder on their coffee table. He’d close the windows, but the last of the smoke still needs to clear from the apartment before Patrick gets home. So much for romantic whims, he thinks to himself as he kneels back down in front of the fireplace to try this again, hopefully without setting the apartment on fire this time around. How was he supposed to know there was such a thing called a flue and that thing he’d never heard of needed to be opened before using your fireplace? This is not something people like David Rose are taught. Thankfully, putting “my fireplace is filling with smoke” into YouTube proved quite enlightening. While he was there, he found a pretty handy tutorial on how to light the perfect fire, which he hits play on now.

By the time he’s back on his feet, he’s feeling pretty damn proud of himself. The fire looks just like the digital yule log Twyla had playing on George’s laptop at the cafe last Christmas, just without the random cat that kept strolling in and out of the frame. 

The alarm on his phone goes off and he rushes to the stove, lifting the lid off the pot of butternut squash soup he’s been simmering all afternoon. Giving it a taste, he grabs the nutmeg and tips a tiny bit more in, stirring until it disappears into the buttery orange bisque. It’s been fun finding new recipes online that he can impress Patrick with, but this one is an old favorite. Back in New York, as soon as the leaves would show the first hint of fall color, he’d make weekly trips to the farmer’s market near the park, filling his bags with as many autumn vegetables as he could carry. He’d loved cooking then, usually for himself or a few of his drag queen friends from down the hall, finding that it calmed his anxiety as it forced him to pay attention to the recipes instead of whatever happened to be stressing him out at that particular moment. 

Since coming to Schitt’s Creek, he’d fallen out of practice without a kitchen. With him living with Patrick in his apartment now, he’s taken full advantage of this mediocre, but passable stove. Seeing Patrick react to his cooking, it’s been a revelation, something David has come to cherish as they continue to learn all the little things about each other that only time spent could have ever revealed. 

On queue, David hears the door unlock and Patrick steps into the apartment, his cheeks adorably pink from the early fall chill that’s fallen over the town. 

“It smells amazing in here,” Patrick says with a grin, dropping his keys in the bowl on the counter before pressing himself up against David’s back. Strong arms wrap around his waist and David smiles, shivering slightly at the feel of Patrick’s cold lips pressing a kiss into the side of his neck. After all this time, David’s body still thrums with awareness whenever Patrick is near, his nerve endings firing away like homing beacons, pulsing faster the closer he gets. 

“I think it’s almost ready. You can change and then meet me by the fire.” David tries for nonchalance, but he’s sure Patrick can hear that he’s smiling like a fool. He’s still really proud of that damn fire.

“Fire? Oh!” Patrick’s arms slide free and David turns to see Patrick smiling in wonder at the fireplace. “I wasn’t sure if we’d ever get around to actually having a real fire in there.”

“Oh, it was easy,” David lies, turning quickly back to his soup to give it an unnecessary stir. 

“I’m surprised the flue was open, with this being the first time we’ve used it.” Patrick crosses over to their bedroom and kicks off his shoes before moving to lift his sweater up and over his head. “It’s a little chilly in here, mind if I close the windows?”

“Go ahead, I was just a little flushed after lighting the fire and needed to cool down.” David isn’t a fan of lying, but this is such a silly little white one that he doesn’t really see the harm. Rather unabashedly, he indulges in watching Patrick change into sweatpants and a long sleeve t-shirt, which Patrick notices, earning David a knowing smile. Before leaving the bedroom, Patrick turns off the bedside lamps, leaving the only light left on in the apartment the one illuminating the kitchen. 

David reaches into the cabinet for the bowls, carefully ladling just the right amount into each and finishing with one large sourdough crouton he’d baked in the oven with cinnamon and butter. Patrick appears at his side, eyes warm and maybe a bit sleepy as he grabs for the whiskey and two of the nice tumblers they’d brought home from the store. David carries the soup to the couch and sets the bowls on the coffee table, reaching for the blanket to put over their legs while he waits for Patrick to join him. The light in the kitchen goes out and the small flame from the candle and roaring fire turns their apartment into a cozy light show, oranges and gold dancing with the shadows as Patrick sidles in to join David on the sofa.

He sits close, thighs and knees like magnets as David covers their legs with the blanket and passes Patrick his soup. 

“I wasn’t expecting a romantic date tonight, babe,” Patrick says as he leans in close, “so this is a really welcome surprise.” He kisses David’s cheek, but David wants more, quickly turning his head to catch Patrick’s lips. Patrick smiles into the kiss, pecking David’s cupid’s bow two times before pulling back to turn his attention to his soup. David is suddenly jealous of his own cooking, but if something is going to pull Patrick’s attention away from him, at least it’s this.

They eat together in comfortable silence, their bodies drifting closer together the emptier their bowls get. By the time they’re finished, Patrick is cuddled under David’s arm, one hand curled around his whiskey while the other is tucked under the blanket between David’s knees. It’s perfect. Beyond perfect, really. It’s like a dream come true. 

David takes a sip of his drink, already a bit lightheaded from the strong liquor, but the feeling isn’t unwelcome. He’s comfortably warm, heat from the fire, the whiskey and Patrick’s body melting all the tension from his body in languid, peaceful waves. There’s a small sliver of skin at Patrick’s side where his shirt has ridden up and David takes full advantage, running the pads of his fingertips back and forth until he feels Patrick shudder lightly against his chest. Patrick responds by moving the hand between David’s knees up to the inside of David’s thigh, squeezing lightly as he lets his pinky wander just a bit higher. 

Heat fills David’s cheeks and he takes another sip of his drink, smiling into the rim of the glass as he dips his hand just below the waistband of Patrick’s sweatpants at his hip. They’ve done a similar dance like this before, minus the romantic fire and whiskey, but with one of Patrick’s baseball games playing on his laptop with David pretending to read his book. The conclusion will hopefully be the same.

Patrick tilts his head back to drain his glass before leaning forward to place it on the table, his hand on David’s leg slipping further up so when he sits back he’s pressing right into the crease of David’s thigh. He doesn’t make any other move, just settles back against David’s shoulder as if his actions are completely innocent, which has David squeezing his eyes shut in delicious frustration. There’s an embarrassing shake to his hand when he takes the last sip of his drink, sure that Patrick can feel just how turned on he is by this little game. When Patrick’s hand shifts in that moment to cup David’s erection, the thankfully empty tumbler falls from David’s fingers to the end of the sofa cushion as David’s entire body bows with relief. 

He tries to speak, but only manages to mumble out a broken “Pat..rick…” as Patrick’s fingers tighten and begin to move, the soft fabric of David’s lounge pants creating a mind-numbing friction that’s both not enough and so amazing he doesn’t know what to ask for. But then Patrick is turning and even in the firelight, David can see the desire darkening his usual honey colored eyes to warm molasses. When Patrick kisses him, it’s with intention, open mouthed and hungry, hands now shoving their blanket to the floor before urging David onto his back. 

The fire is hot now as they make out, heat licking at each bit of skin revealed as hands grip at shirts and grope into pants. David loves feeling Patrick’s weight pushing him into the sofa cushions, the scratch of his stubble against David’s cheek as Patrick nibbles on David’s earlobe. It’s the best kind of torture, both of them hard and aching, David’s hands gripping Patrick’s ass beneath his sweatpants as he lifts his hips, smiling as Patrick’s breath comes out in a hot gasp against David’s throat. 

Patrick finds David’s mouth again, curling his arms under David’s shoulders as he slides his tongue past David’s lips, sweeping slow and deep as he grinds down between David’s open legs. It’s just this close to too much and David fears he’s about to fall apart. But Patrick is unrelenting, mouth hot and demanding as he continues to pump his hips, obviously uncaring that they are both about to make an absolute mess of themselves while still wearing their pants. Fuck, David doesn’t care either. Gripping Patrick harder, he gives as good as he’s getting, sucking hard on Patrick’s tongue until they both have to take a few heaving breaths. 

“Fuck,” Patrick pants against David’s lips, “you feel so good, I’m so close…”

“Me too,” David agrees on a long breath, “kiss me again.” 

Patrick does. And David comes. Hips bucking up as he guides Patrick down, his hand sliding around between them to grip Patrick inside his boxers, feeling his release after a few quick strokes. 

David is sweaty and sticky, but he doesn’t care, well, maybe a little, but he’ll deal with that in a minute. Patrick, however, is an unmoving mass on David’s chest, his heavy breathing the only sign of life. 

“You okay up there?” David jokes, squeezing Patrick’s ass with the hand still gripping it. 

“Need a minute,” Patrick mumbles, words barely audible as his head is now buried against the couch cushion by David’s ear. 

They do, eventually, make it off the couch and into the shower, both of them crawling naked into bed with the last of the fire still crackling in the fireplace. As they lie there facing each other on the mattress, Patrick tracing David’s lower lip with his thumb, David sees Patrick’s face light up with a smile.

“So, how long did it take you to realize the flue was closed?” Patrick asks, thumb pressing into David’s dimple the second David’s lips can’t fight his own crooked smile.

“How did you know?”

“I closed it the other day when I saw a few leaves had fallen into the grate. I’m actually a bit surprised you knew how to open it.”

A flash of a memory of a very important day crosses David’s mind and he shuffles a bit closer to Patrick, curling an arm around his waist.

“I watched a lot of YouTube tutorials.”

Patrick gives him a fond smile as he lifts his chin, whispering “very impressive” against David’s lips as they both get lost in a sleepy kiss. 

[fancifulwritings]

The Song Remains The Same

Chapter Five

     Once in the limo, Calypso knew the game was up. Robert wasted no time in pulling her into his lap. It was obvious that he had one thing on his mind. If his actions didn’t say it, his manhood pressed up against her certainly did. Not that she was complaining. God, she would never complain about the feelings she had now. Her own excitement was building as she rolled slightly against his lap, already knowing she was wet.

     His hands gripped her hips tight and held her against him. Moving from Robert wasn’t an option, even if she wanted it to be. The kisses from him began slow and sweet. Something to just ease her own tension a little bit. Robert could feel it, right under her skin. The nervousness and anxiety, and he clearly intended to wash it away. She returned them the best she could, giving him control without even a flicker of a fight.

     It didn’t take long for Robert’s kisses to trail down her neck. She gasped, leaning her head back just enough to give him room. The soft touch of his lips was beautifully contrasted by his rough texture of his facial hair.

     If she felt like this now, Calypso couldn’t even imagine what she might feel like later. Her stomach was doing flips. Her mind was racing. This was real, she had to keep reminding herself of that. This was real and actually happening to her.

     “You’re simply stunning, my dear,” he mumbled. One hand left her hips to make its way up her torso, stopping to gently cup her breast. That sent a shiver through her. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to keep my hands off you tonight,” he said with a grin.

     “I don’t want you to,” she said, pressing her lips against his. Calypso was doing her best to remain calm. On the inside, though, she was positively melting. This was something she had dreamed about for years. To have him all over her? It was such an odd confidence booster.

     It really turned back to him building her up and yet making her anxious as well. Things were too late now to turn back. If Robert did learn how inexperienced she was… Would he care? She still felt a bit shy, too shy and unsure to mention it now. Perhaps she might never, until after the deed was done.

     Robert pulled away after a second, removing some of her hair from her face. “Truly stunning, I’m amazed you didn’t already have a man on your arm,” he said before returning to her neck.

     “You’re the stunning one,” she mumbled before leaning to press her lips against his. A direct move, but she wanted to truly silence him for now. The compliments were just too much for her to handle. Calypso didn’t want to talk about herself. That would surely draw her out of the moment. Draw her back into her own insecurities.

     To that, Robert just grinned into the kiss. It didn’t take him long to reclaim control of the situation. She gave it up without a question. His right hand slipped up her back, eventually grabbing a fist full of her hair and guiding her head where he wanted her, all while taking her lower lip between his teeth.

     She could only respond by allowing him to, a soft sigh leaving her lips as her hips twitched forward again, toward him just a bit.

     Before Calypso was given a chance to do anything else, or even attempt to, the car came to an abrupt stop. Thankfully, this time, she wasn’t sent flying to the floor. His solid grip on her prevented that. “I do believe this is where we get off, my dear,” he said with a grin and a wink. She moved quickly off his lap, wanting to get to his room sooner rather than later.

     Calypso felt Robert’s hand slip to the small of her back once they were out. He continued to move it down, resting it dangerously close to her ass. Any complaint was hardly ready to leave her mouth, though. Any sort of physical contact was welcomed by her. They moved quickly through the hotel, practically rushing into the elevator once it opened.

     Once again in a semi-private space, Robert pressed up against her. She felt her back hit the cold elevator wall through her shirt. That was all forgotten when he kissed her. It was a contrast to what had happened in the car. One hand rested on her hip while the other gently cupped her cheek. His kisses, though, were anything but gentle.

     Without a doubt, he controlled this. That much was painfully obvious. It always had been. He opened her mouth with his, quickly tangling their tongues together. Calypso really did try her best to keep up, but she felt as if she always lagged a bit behind. Robert either hadn’t noticed or didn’t care. There was something more pressing than before. They were so close to what they both wanted. So close to where he wanted to get to. Sex was the only thing on either of their minds.

     His kisses trailed down her neck one more time, nipping before pulling away. “I’m not a young man anymore,” he said gently before taking her ear lobe between his teeth. Calypso gasped, feeling heat pool between her legs. “But old men do it better anyways, as long as this is something you want,” he said.

     There was something about what he said that touched Calypso. Robert was asking her if this was okay. He wasn’t demanding it; he wasn’t just assuming. God knew that her reactions and actions alone should have said yes. “Of course,” she whispered after a moment. He smirked, the elevator door dinging open almost on cue.

     Before she could really process anything, his hand was on hers and he was running. Well, not quite running, just a step below it as most. The only thing Calypso could think of as they rushed through the hall was that he looked just like a small child in a candy store.

     There was an audible slam from the door as Robert shut it behind them. Calypso hardly had time to pay attention to it. Within seconds, she was being pressed up against the door. He was insatiable and God did she love it.

     His lips stayed on hers for a few moments before moving back to her neck yet again. There, he nipped and sucked, clearly working to create hickeys. There was something so reminiscent of being a teenager about it. He was marking her, showing everyone that might have seen them together that she had been his. It might not be permanent, but he wanted to lay his claim.

     Her head rolled back and she moaned softly. The press of him against her left absolutely nothing to the imagination. His cock was pressed firmly against her, straining against the denim. Already, she wondered how she might actually take him all.      

     Robert had a wicked grin on his face as he pulled back for just a moment. “So pretty, my god,” he said gently. His hand trailed down her body, gently cupping her breast. “If I was just ten years younger, I would take you right here, against this door,” he mumbled.

     Calypso, in response, could only feel her face grow red and hot. It sent a shiver up her spine, the idea of him fucking her. It fully hit that they were past the point of return. Not that she would want to return. Her wildest dreams were coming true.

     Robert had his own thoughts, realizing how inexperienced she was right then. Sure, there had been more than enough hints along the way. But now he knew, for certain. He knew things had to be taken slow, to make sure she truly enjoyed herself and didn’t end up hurt. Slow worked best for him now, anyways. A grin crossed his face as he leaned back to her neck and lips, hands moving down to grab her ass.

     Only a few more moments passed until he pulled away again. Calypso’s hand, in his hair, was gently removed. “Will you strip for me love? I wanna see all of you,” he said. Before she had a moment to react, he took her hand and lead her to the bed.

     Something besides arousal filled her for just a moment. Her heart began to race as she felt panic set in. Calypso’s mind was screaming, reminding her that she has no idea what she’s doing. No idea what she should be doing. It felt too late to tell Robert now. The idea of losing him would be too much. There’s a need in her that no one besides Robert could satisfy.

     Instead of saying anything, she just nodded. She’s afraid that her voice will give away her nerves. Her hands found the bottom of her t-shirt, never more thankful that they weren’t shaking.

     Calypso slipped the t-shirt up over her head, revealing her torso. There hadn’t been any bras she really wanted to wear. Besides, who wore a bra to a Zeppelin concert? At the time, it had seemed so unnecessary at the time. Now, she wished she had that one more layer to take off for him.

     Robert’s eyes grew just a tad wider at the sight of her topless. A giggle escaped her mouth. There was something funny about his slight surprise to some tits. He had to have seen at least a couple pairs before this, if not more.

     His hand came up, motioning for her to step closer to him. She did, swallowing loudly. Without missing a beat, he placed his hands on her hips and began to kiss her chest.

     Her head tipped back, punctuated breathes leaving her mouth with every kiss. When she felt his mouth around her nipple, she couldn’t help but lowly moan. It was a sudden wet heat swirling around her bud. His other hand gently played with the other as he flicked his tongue. Eventually, he gave the same treatment to the other as well.

     “Why don’t you take this off too, babe? Let me really see all of you,” he said while eyeing her up and down. He pawed at her shorts, a smirk painted across her face.

     She took a step back, not wanting to go too far now. Her hands went to her fly and button, quickly undoing them. She began the shimmy it took to get her shorts off. When they were about halfway down her thighs, she turned around and slipped them off, stepping out of them.

     The only thing left to remove now were her panties. She grinned, grabbing the band and slowly pushing them off, bending over to give him a few view of her ass as she did.

     When she turned around, she noticed his missing shirt and his pants already unbuttoned. “Make me put on a show for you, but you won’t let me watch,” she teased. He looked her up and down. There was something so… animalistic in his eyes. She felt her juices really begin to flow, threatening to run down her thighs.

     “Now, there’s no need to be cross. I doubt you needed the show anyways,” he said as he reached out to her. His hand went right between her legs, gently rubbing her clit and opening. “You’re wet enough as it is,” he teased. A jolt went through her body, legs spreading for him.

     “Come, lay down darling,” he whispered. His eyes never left her body as he rolled from the bed to stand up. Calypso laid down, moving up the bed just a little. Never before had she felt so unsure of what was going to happen while knowing exactly what he planned to do. Without a word, he grabbed her legs and pulled her to the edge of the bed.

     He kneeled between her now spread thighs, smirking. “Is this alright love? You can tell me no at any point,” he said softly. He looked up with her and she just nodded. Her words had left her. There was something about the sight of him between her legs that just left her speechless.

     The first kiss to her thigh had her head rolling back and arms giving out. There was no way she could prop herself up. His beard tickled, almost burned, as he continued to kiss up her thigh. He took his time, the brush of his lips sending shivers up and down her body. If there hadn’t been an unstoppable desire before, there certainly was one now.

     She felt his tongue lap at her, finally touching where she needed and wanted it most. A moan left her mouth and she couldn’t help but blush. It was too loud. Her hand flew to cover the mouth, hoping to silence herself just a bit. He stopped, pulling away and chuckling.

     “Let me hear you, babe, I want to hear how much you’re enjoying this. Let me know what I’m doing right,” he said. She nodded a little, hand returning to the bed.

     From there, Calypso couldn’t bring herself to care how loud she was. It was a barrage of sensations. He would expertly switch between lapping at her folds to flicking his tongue over his clit.

     At some point she noticed her hand knotting his hair, holding him there and even pressing him closer to her sex. She needed him and didn’t want to lose this. Everything he did was only made better by the slightly rough feeling of his facial hair. If she could have thought, she would have known that was going to leave some sort of burn for tomorrow.

     It wasn’t until Robert pushed a finger in gently, and then a second, that she knew things were over for her. Calypso was being pushed to the edge. If she didn’t cum soon, she never would. She was totally lost to the world. So close to the edge and yet still held back from it. His fingers fucked her slowly for a moment, eventually picking up speed as he went. It was all she needed.

     “Robert, oh fuck, Robert, I’m gonna, gonna,” she moaned. The grip on his hair threatened to rip some out if he moved the wrong way. He just hummed, never letting up on any of his movements.

     She came hard, toes curled as she moaned. He happily lapped up whatever he could.

     Once back on planet Earth, and feeling returned to her, she just laid there limply on the bed. Nothing had ever come close to feeling like that before. Robert made short work of his pants, leaving them on the floor as she stood so he could lay on the bed. “Enjoy yourself? We haven’t even made it to the big finish,” he grinned.

     He took her in his arms and just held her there for a moment, feeling her racing heart. When Calypso opened her eyes again, she noticed that Robert had moved up them up the bed.

     Her only response was to smile and kiss him gently. If this was only half of what she would feel again, she wasn’t sure she would make it.

     “Now, if you wouldn’t mind…” he said as he motioned down to himself.

     Calypso looked down his body, finally seeing his cock. Her mouth just fell open. Legends really were true, it seemed. Perhaps they hadn’t really done anything justice. Nothing really could have prepared her for this. Seeing his manhood sent a shiver up her spine and renewed any energy she may have lost.

     “Of course,” she said. She rolled onto her back, expecting him to move on top of her.

     “No, no, babe, c’mere,” he said. Robert wrapped his arms around her, rolling so that he was on his back. She sat on top of him, just below his erection.

     Once again, she only seemed capable of blushing as she looked down at him. He couldn’t be serious. As much as she didn’t want to tell him, she knew she had to now.

     “I, Robert, I really… Cant. I’ve never, well, you know,” she said as she motioned to them.

     “Oh, but you knew well enough when you were going to finish,” he teased her.

     “I’ve masturbated before,” she mumbled as she looked away.

     “I figured as much, darling. There’s no need to feel any sort of way about it,” he said. His finger went under her chin as he captured her lips. “You trust me, yeah?” She nodded.

     “I promise it’ll be better this way. You can control it. Go as slow, or as fast, as you need,” he explained. “Just like masturbating.” His hands went to her hips to help guide her. She raised herself up a bit, taking him in her hand to guide him to her entrance.

     Slowly, she lowered herself onto him, occasionally moving back up for just a moment. It reached a point where she didn’t think she could take anymore of him. God, he was already so deep, deeper than anything she had managed on her own. There was a twinge of pain, but pleasure overwhelmed her.

     “Are you okay darling?” He asked, sounding a bit breathless and strained. “It doesn’t hurt too much, yeah?” He kissed at her face and neck.

     “It’s fine,” she answered after shaking her head. She let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Robert nodded before reaching in between her legs to rub her clit. She gasped, quickly sinking down the rest of the way.

     It was all too much at once. It amazed her to realize that she somehow had managed to take all of him. He filled her completely and reached places she didn’t know she had. Robert moaned, leaning back on his arms just a bit more. For a few moments, she just sat there, adjusting to his size and the feeling.

     She moved her hips eventually, just the tiniest bit, experimenting with what might feel good. Fuck, now she understood the whole point of this now. That one little movement turned the slow burning fire inside of her into a raging inferno.

     If she could control things, Robert was right, she would enjoy it more. There was a twinge of pain as she began to move more, a bit faster. That was to be expected, she wasn’t used to taking anything quite as big as him.

     Her hands were firmly planted on his thighs as she leaned back on them. Any real pain seemed to be erased by his fingers between her legs.

     “God, babe, you feel so good. Right there, can you feel it too?” He asked gently. His fingers never moved away from her clit, gently stroking it, picking up speed as she did.

     It was all so much. She originally hadn’t thought she would be able to cum again, especially not with the anxiety she had felt about all of this. Instead, it seemed to be quickly driving her back to the same edge, if not one with an even bigger fall. She could only hope he felt the same. The way his head was thrown back and he was moaning suggested he was.

     “Robert, oh fuck, I think, I think I’m gonna… again,” she moaned.

     “Let go, Calypso babe, let go,” he moaned. He grabbed her hip with his free hand and pulled her closer to him. Somehow, he sank just a bit deeper into her and that was it. It was all she needed to be shoved off that glorious edge. Her hips stuttered, unable to stop moving as she sought more as she came.

     Robert felt her walls tightened around him and that was the end for him. He’d been close before, doing his best to hold out for her. With a barrage of babes and darlings, he came deep inside of her.

     Once they both managed to return to planet Earth, Robert nudged her gently. “Let’s go get cleaned up, luv. A bath will feel nice,” he said. Calypso didn’t want to move. Didn’t want to leave the collapsed heap she was on his lap. The very idea of moving had her groaning. “It’ll be good. Go, I’ll join you in a moment.”

     When she stood, her head spun just a little bit. She felt fuzzy and her legs felt weak, but she managed to make it to the bathroom. Her first course of action, which she was sure was what Robert was referring to, was going to the bathroom. Once the toilet flushed, there was knock on the door.

     “Come in,” she giggled a bit. He opened the door, with two plush towels and two robes. Robert placed them on the side of the tub as he began to run the hot water.

     “Did you enjoy yourself?” He asked softly, motioning for her to sit next to him. Calypso did, without question. Any sort of close proximity would be nice. Right now, all she wanted to do was cuddle. Robert took a brush to her hair. It was soft and gently. God, she was melting into him. This couldn’t end well for her.

     “A perfect ending to a perfect night,” she explained with a grin. He chuckled a little, leaning to kiss the back of her head.

     “I’m glad to hear I’ve still got it,” he chuckled. They sat there, just looking at each other. Calypso still couldn’t believe her luck. The events of just a few minutes ago had happened. If the dull ache between her legs hadn’t been present, she would have thought this was all an elaborate dream.

     Once the water was warm enough, Robert eased himself into the tub. He sat there for a minute, eyes closed before speaking. “Come, join me darling. It’ll feel good,” he said, holding out his arms to help her in.

     She blushed just a little bit. The sight in front of her was opposite everything she had ever dreamed of. Not only had she lost her virginity to him, he was now offering to care for her. She’d half expected to be asked to leave.  Everything felt like a dream, like something otherworldly had allowed for this to happen.

     “I think you’ve already made me feel good enough,” she teased before slipping into the tub. Initially, Calypso moved so that she would be sitting opposite him. Robert, it seemed, had other ideas as he held her firm in his arms so she rested between his legs. There was just something that clicked when he did this.

     After few moments passed, he grabbed the soap to gently wash her. It was pleasing. His fingers felt so nice, gently rubbing any muscle that felt the slightest bit sore. Calypso wanted to return the favor, but wasn’t sure how to do that from this position.

     Between the warm waters and his gentle movements, she began to feel herself drifting to sleep. All of her energy had been spent. As much as she tried to fight it, her eyelids began to close and her head leaned back against him. Robert just chuckled. She didn’t want to sleep just yet, wanted to spend just a few more moments with him. Wanted to draw this out as long as she possible could.

     “I thought I was supposed to be the old man and you the young girl that wears me out,” he teased. He nudged her with his knees just a bit. “It’s time to get out darling, don’t want you drowning in the tub.” She nodded, eyes never fully opening as she stood up slowly and got out.

     Robert grabbed the towels, first drying himself off and then her. The robe seemed to be forgotten as he picked her up bridal style and rested her head against his chest. She smiled and just leaned there, content with how warm his body felt. Long before he placed her on the bed, she had already drifted off to sleep. Dreams wouldn’t visit her tonight, as they had all already come true.

[babemazzello]

‘39 - A John Deacon FanFiction

Chapter 13 - Time Together

Story Description: Amy is sitting in his apartment when she hears some frantic knocking outside her door. She opens it to see a frightened and frazzled John Deacon. A 23-year-old John Deacon. Who believes it’s still 1974, and not 2019. Amy takes it upon herself to help John and get him back to where he belongs.  Part 1 is here. The rest of the parts are on my masterlist.

Chapter Description: Amy and John have to come to terms with what happened during their drunken game of truth. Amy is still conflicted and John is at his wit’s end.

Notes: If you would like to be tagged for this story, either leave a comment or shoot me a message and I will tag you for all future chapters. Thank you all so much for reading, by the way. It means a lot to me

Second Notes: I'm back!!! At least, I hope I am. I am so sorry for keeping you guys in the dark. School has been really hectic these last few weeks, but this is my last week and I am almost finished with everything for this semester. I will, hopefully, be writing more in the summer so the story will continue. If I do need another break for any reason, I will tell you guys. I just didn’. Love you guys <3t do that this time because everything was so hectic and busy.

Warning: none really, just some talk of sex and some language

Words: 2.3k

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I woke up the next morning with my face still nuzzled into the crook of John’s neck. His arm was lazily wrapped around me. His cheek resting against my temple as his soft breaths fanned over my hair. My arm was around his waist. Laid there lightly. Our legs were wrapped in each other’s and our bodies were completely tangled together. I loved it. The warmth of each other blending together in such a way that we couldn’t tell where one person stopped and the other began.

When I realized just who I was cuddling up against, I let my eyes flutter closed as my body melted into him again. A content smile creeping across my face. A couple of minutes later, I felt John shift next to me. He grunted softly and began to stretch himself out. Taking his tangled legs away from mine. He also released me to stretch fully before bring his arms and legs back to their original positions. I giggled at his actions.

“Good morning,” he hummed as he placed a lingered kiss in the middle of my forehead.

“Good morning,” I repeated. A goofy grin spreading across my face. He tucked some hair behind my ear and out of my face to see me better. “How did you sleep?”

“Best night I’ve had so far,” he said in a gruff morning voice. “The bed was nice too,” he joked. I giggled at him and tried to get as close to him as possible. His arms pulled me close at the same time as our chests became flush against the other person.

There was silence for a little while. We couldn’t see the other person’s face, but we knew they hadn’t fallen asleep. We just liked being in quiet, peaceful silence. It wasn’t awkward at all, but understanding. But, there were questions rattling around in my now awake brain that I had to ask. Things I had to know.

“How long has it been?” I asked. I pulled away from him to see his face. I almost whimpered at the lack of heat on my body. Pulling away from him was difficult, but I wanted to know. “Since you’ve wanted to do this, I mean.” I pointed my finger between the two of us and talked with a laugh to my voice.

“Oh,” he laughed back. He looked up at the ceiling as he thought. “A while now,” he began. “I guess if I had to pinpoint the first time I had feelings for you, I would have to say the store when we bought all those clothes for me to wear while I stayed here.” It still was strange to hear him say that he had feelings for me. To hear it come out of his mouth and knowing that what he was saying was meant for me and only me was new and exciting. And yet terrifying all at the same time. But, the good kind of terrifying, if there was such a thing.

“That was like the second day you were here,” I smiled back at him. He nodded.

“What can I say? I guess I fell quickly.” He shrugged a little as he talked. I laughed and he kissed my forehead again. “But, I’m happy you feel the same way.” I closed my eyes and reveled in the kiss on my forehead. “What about you?”

My eyes shot open. Thankfully, he couldn’t see my face since I leaned in for his kiss. What the hell am I supposed to say to him? I thought. I can’t just tell him everything now. He would think I used him if he knew everything that I knew. I can’t explain to him that I have been waiting for this moment for 6 years. I have to make something up, and quick!

“Around then as well, I guess.” A bald-faced lie, but John seemed to take it. He quickly moved on to another topic and we talked in bed like that for a while. I was glad he accepted my answer because I didn’t want to get too far into a lie that I would have to remember later. I was too far gone at this point. Dana was right. I should have told him as soon as he got here. As soon as he was comfortable in the future. But, I didn’t. Because there was always a part of me who thought that this wasn’t going to happen. That not telling him wouldn’t matter because he would be gone as soon as he had come.

We got out of bed about an hour later. We liked talking in bed. It was comfortable and it allowed us to spend some quality time with each other. I decided to get out of bed first. I realized that I was still stark naked underneath the blanket. My face flushed as I realized that he hadn’t seen me in the light of day yet. I slowly adjusted myself and flung the blanket off of me. I got out of bed and quickly tried to scurry to the bathroom. My hands covering my body as I slunk away.

“Bring me some clothes too,” John called after me. I ran into the bathroom and grabbed some clothes that I kept in there. An extra set for cases when I was naked in my apartment and someone came over. It was extremely unlikely, but I was glad that this anxiety had manifested itself in my brain for this exact moment. I got dressed, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, and when I left the bathroom, I grabbed some clothes for John. I walked back into the bedroom to find him sitting up against the headboard with the blanket covering his lap.

“Here you go,” I smiled to him, handing him the clothes. He grabbed them out of my hand slowly as he made eye contact with me. I felt my cheeks heat up.

“Was sort of hoping you would come back without anything on,” he laughed. I laughed as well, shaking my head.

“Gotta start the day at some point,” I told him.

“Who says so?” He asked in return. I smiled at him. My cheeks were definitely flushed at this point, but I didn’t care. He knew I had feelings for him so there was no point in hiding it now. I sat down on the bed next to him and he watched my every move. There was a small silence before I decided to speak.

“We could stay in bed all day if that’s what you want. I don’t have anywhere to be.” I shrugged. It didn’t matter to me what we did, as long as he was next to me through it. He thought about it for a second before his eyes flitted down to my body and then back up to me.

“Are you keeping those on or taking them off?” He asked. A smirk flashing across his face. I giggled, my hand covering my face as I thought about it. Oh, the things he did to me. This must have been what he was like when he was comfortable around people. He became more confident in his actions and his words. I loved this side of him. And with every word he spoke, no matter how much it made me blush, I was thankful I got to see this side of him.

“Might keep them on for now. But, that doesn’t mean it could change later in the day,” I teased back. I leaned into him for a kiss as I brought my hand up to cup his cheek. His lips were soft against mine like they always were. His nose pressed into my cheek as he kissed me harder. His hand came up to caress my hip and he dropped his clothes out of his other hand. He adjusted himself so he was faced toward me. The bottom half of his body still covered by the blanket.

I dropped my hand down to his chest and his free hand came up to tangle in my hair. Angling my head in a manner that made the harsh kissing easier. I could feel his heartbeat underneath my fingertips. Hard and fast. It felt like it was about to beat out of his chest. But, my heart was beating just as fast. And before I melted further into him, I pulled away. He gave me puppy dog eyes that pleaded for me to come back, but I stayed away. And after a small giggle, I spoke again.

“I think you should get dressed.” I patted his chest and moved off the bed.

“You’re not going to stay with me?” He asked. I pointed to the door.

“I was just going to give you some privacy, that’s all.” I didn’t mean anything by my actions. It was just a force of habit by this point.

“Darling, we’ve had sex. It can’t get any less private than that,” he retorted with a smile. I saw his cheeks flush now. Only slightly. I smiled.

“I’ll stay if that’s what you want.” He patted the spot on the bed that I had just gotten up from. I sat back down and he pushed the blanket off of himself. I averted my eyes out of instinct again and he noticed.

“Are you embarrassed? Huh?” He teased as he brought his head closer to mine so he could shower me with kisses all over my face. I giggled, loosening up a bit and closing my eyes. Reveling in his sweetness. When he pulled away, he had his sweatpants on already. I smiled. He realized that I wasn’t extremely comfortable with watching him change, so he distracted me. He wanted me close to him but didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable.

He slung his plaid button up shirt over his shoulders and threaded his arms through the sleeves. He began to button up the shirt and moved toward the edge of the bed next to me. He sat with his feet dangling off the bed as he focused on his shirt. When he finished, he left three buttons undone on the top. His hair was messy and sticking out all over the place. He slid his hand around my body and pulled me closer to him by my waist. Planting a soft kiss on my temple before standing up and walking out into the living room.

He walked to the kitchen and started making some food. Just some toast and eggs for a quick breakfast and some food to keep our energy up after what we had done last night. I met him in the kitchen. Standing close behind him and watching his every move. He finished up the eggs and moved on to the toast. Once he had put the first couple of pieces in, he came over to me and lazily wrapped his arms around my waist. His hands dangling down by my butt as we softly swayed together. I put my hands on his shoulders to keep him close.

I looked down at what he was wearing again. It was my favorite outfit of his. The red, plaid button-down shirt with the gray sweatpants. My eyes focused on the sweatpants and my thoughts wandered to places like what we had done together the night before. John noticed pretty quickly where my eyes were planted and that I wasn’t saying anything. He let out a small laugh which caught my attention and my eyes shot up to his.

“What?” I asked with a small laugh.

“Nothing. It’s just that your eyes seem to be glued to my crotch.” His smirk returned as he talked. I playfully hit his shoulder. “Come on, what is it? What’s going through that pretty little mind of yours?” He asked as he pushed a piece of hair out of my face. I blinked a couple of times, trying to organize my thoughts and explain this to him.

“Well,” I started. “To keep things as simple as possible to understand, the type of pants you’re wearing are known for…showing a little more than is normal.” I tried to be as delicate as possible, but John didn’t understand immediately. He raised an eyebrow at me. “Pretty much,… I can see the outline of your dick through your pants.” I rushed the last sentence out, trying not to sound as bold as I actually did. John laughed hard.

“I realized that the second you gave them to me. They were comfortable, though. So, I wanted them.” He explained. This made me laugh now. He realized but thought that they would be nice to lounge around in, so he kept them. Of course. He leaned down and softly kissed right below my ear. “Have I been a literal cock-tease to you?” He kissed my jaw this time. Soft, loving kisses were left all along my jaw and neck starting at my ear. My face heated up again as well as the knot in my stomach tightening just like it had the night before. But, it was too early for that.

The toast popped out of the toaster and John turned his head to look at it.

“Well, I guess you’ll have to be teased for a little while longer,” he whispered into my ear. He let go of my waist and went to grab the toast out of the toaster. I had to sit down on the chair. I was getting light-headed from all of his words and teasing. Man, was I in love with him. Everything he said to me, everything he did to me made me want to melt into his arms. I just wanted to be his every second of every day, and now I had the chance to do that.

I couldn’t wait to take advantage of that.

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