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janiedean · 3 years ago

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if you ever wrote that rant about grrm making jon his chosen one deconstruction i'd be very happy to read it 👀

hello anon sorry for the lateness but here we go *deep breath*

sssooo, I had once ranted about it though not mentioning the thing I mentioned in those tags so lemme see if I can find the op and like... cp the main argument and amend it bc it was long, but okay so I found it, original anon asked me: why is Jon considered to be one of the most special characters grrm created? Why is he not the typical hero of fantasy books?, my original answer was here if anyone wants to go there but basically lemme just cp the first part making it shorter and then I'm adding:

first thing, the Typical Post-Tolkien Chosen One With A Shitty Life Before He Finds Out He Is Chosen™ character (I’m saying post-tolkien because every fantasy writer in existence who copies tolkien thinks that lotr went like that and instead it didn’t) usually goes through the following steps: his life sucks up until the beginning of the series, his family generally hates him/her or doesn’t appreciate them or abuses them or anyway doesn’t make their life easier and they’ve never known any different, but *something* never quite worked right and they always knew something was missing in their life, they just didn’t know why. suddenly someone who knows they were Chosen™ shows up and tells them that they’re actually Special because of this this and that and they have a quest to go on to save the world or something. our hero/heroine obviously is finally validated and while their quest is hard and full of hardships and maybe they lose a few friends along the way, finding out that they were Chosen gives their life meaning, they usually find love/friends/everything they didn’t have before until they fulfill the Prophecy™ and live more or less happily ever after, possibly after hooking up with the Person Of Their Dreams with whom they had UST up until the last twenty pages of the book. basically: being Chosen™ in regular fantasy novels is a good thing because suddenly you’re special and all the crap you suffered acquires a new meaning and in the end it made your life better.

jon snow is a complete overhaul of about everything in this sense because

instead of having a family who hates him he has a family who actually mostly loves him, and with ned it’s arguably so much that he risks royal treason by keeping him hidden from his *best friend* - sure, there’s cat and peripherally sansa, but his issues stem from the fact that he feels lesser because he’s a bastard (as far as he knows) and it’s a *class* issue, not a *my family hates me* issue not counting catelyn obv but that's what gives him freudian issues more on that in the emended part later

no one actually knows that he’s Chosen™ - like mel could get there and probably will and someone will put two and two together when his parentage comes out in the open, but he doesn’t have a gandalf or mentor who shows him The Way Towards His Quest

so instead of going from ‘my life sucks but I’m going on a quest which is gonna be a+’ he actively chooses to leave a fairly decent situation (a household he knows, siblings who love him - ned actually hoped he’d become robb’s counselor or right hand man or something from what we can gather) because he feels like he has to prove he’s better than his name and goes to the Crappiest Place In Westeros. like idk if people grasp it, but the wall is basically a prison and at the ripe age of fourteen he decides that it’s totally a good and honorable choice (his only choice actually) to go defend the realm in the freezing cold along with a bunch of criminals/derelicts/rejects of society

at which point he makes friends among said rejects and let’s remember that it’s the point where he actually has to do his first an only privilege when donal noye made him go like hey you were brought up with nobles these ppl are here because they stole bread, and that helps making him more into the person he is rn but like your tyopical fantasy hero who has had a shitty life doesn’t usually have to acknowledge that other people might have had it worse

then he goes on the Quest where he finds his first One True Love, and that’s where it turns even worse because usually the quest is where things start to go right for the Hero™, instead for jon they start to go wronger, because first he has to go undercover which pretty much tests most of his belief/code system, he falls in love with a girl he has to betray, half of his friends and his lord commander die along the way, while he’s off doing his thing winterfell gets taken/burned and robb dies when jon openly stated that he also was going to the wall to defend his family and keep them safe (yeaaah worked out real well), when he goes back to the wall he has to fight the people he lived with for months, the woman he loves dies in his arms and he can’t do anything about it and he’s aware it couldn’t have gone any other way, people put defending the wall on him and then put his loyalty in question, when stannis shows up with a legitimization (which is everything he ever wanted) he refuses because he doesn’t want to accidentally steal his siblings’s inheritance (which was what cat was so worried about hahaha) and actively chooses the crappy defending the realm life all over again. also in all this time his being Chosen™ hasn’t manifested or helped him in any way whatsoever - actually all his honor-moral code related baggage is what moral dilemmas come from that. like, your usual chosen hero™ would always take the right decision and it all turns out good eventually, jon takes the morally right decision and it all turns SOUR eventually

at this point he finally gets elected LC, thanks to his friends also pitching in, which is about the one fantasy hero™ thing that’s happened for now. should be good, yes?

lol no, because he ends up with THAT hellish responsibility at sixteen, since he thinks that he has absolutely to be even better than that now and he has very specific notions about how you should lead and he knows he has to take unpopular decisions/decisions that he doesn’t necessarily like, he ends up either having to send his friends away forreal (sam) or detaching from them (pyp/grenn/the likes) and when as far as he knows he learns that his sister is married to ramsay he can’t do anything about it

never mind that it’s the same situation as when he had to pick the watch or robb in book one - he went there to defend his family and now being there actually prevents him from helping them in person. ops. meanwhile he’s trying to implement a new vision of things which is modern and smart and actually makes sense because why fighting the wildlings when you have ZOMBIES coming. your usual Chosen One™ would get people to approve just because he’s the Chosen One

instead jon gets stabbed to death - okay, that was also because he wanted to go get arya but it was the last straw, people were pissed over the wildlings plan first and foremost

so basically he’s gone through all the Chosen One™ steps but in reverse - he loses his family which did love him instead of finding another one that makes the first pale in comparison, he does find a new one who loves him but has to alienate most of its members for responsibility reasons as a consequence of what should have been the crowning achievement of his life choices (which eventually is NOT one), he falls in love and they don’t drag the UST forever but they never get a chance to be together without small print in between, he chooses the admittedly most masochistic life he could for his family as well and half of them die and he can’t do a thing for the other half, every other mentor-like figure he runs into after ned dies, instead of finding validation he ends up having to isolate himself and on top of everything HE STILL DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW HE’S THE CHOSEN ONE™

so instead of his life going better the more he learns stuff and matures as a person, he gets murdered. by the people he trusts and who were supposed to be his new family. haha?

never mind that when he finds out he’s the Chosen One™ it won’t bring him closure because all he ever wanted was being full stark like his father/siblings and then bam he’s going to find out his father’s actually targaryen and what does that even mean to him?

on top of that being AA will just be a pain because I don’t believe for a second he’s not going to get leftover ptsd and who the hell is gonna help him deal with it? or how is he ever getting over his *brothers* murdering him? and people are going to ask stuff of him all over again and he’s gonna have to go slay a mythical monster and if I know grrm it’s not gonna be fun, pretty or cathartic FOR HIM

on top of that, Chosen Hero™ fulfills the prophecy and gets a realm to rule and everyone lives happily ever after. money is that if jon does get that realm (and I think he is because he has the best claim if he's legitimate and most likely it'll turn out he was on the targ side but ROBB also legitimized him so he has double the legitimization), he’s going to hate every second of it and he’ll take it because a) duty, b) literally no one else is available, and like this guy didn’t want to rule a realm or be a king or anything he just wanted to be a stark, and instead he’s going to have to after all that shit thanks to Magical And Noble Heritage he hadn’t even known he had and probably didn’t even want up to that point because since when jon wanted to be a targ? yeah since never

obviously I hope he manages to be somewhat happy regardless because the alternative is too miserable, but basically being a Chosen Hero™ is what makes jon’s life worse rather than better and the fact that hew went through all the regular self-discovery journey for the fantasy hero list doesn’t mean he’s not flipping that over in his sl. the fact that he stayed a decent person more or less throughout it and that he hasn’t turned into a bitter asshole also doesn’t change the main point XD

tldr: jon snow is not a typical fantasy hero because he deconstructs that trope into tiny little bits same as robb deconstructed the arthurian flawless king hero trope

now ^^^^^ THAT was what I originally wrote for that meta but adding on to what I said in those tags

okay so... there is a certain tendency to also make the chosen one™ special in the sense that he's kind of goals - good looking, rich or set to inherit, gallant, takes the initiative, he's like.. social or anyway immediately makes friends etc and all that jazz which jon... doesn't really fit

like jon is an introvert who immediately makes friends just with outcasts and his siblings also bc he feels like one but he's hardly a social butterfly and charms everyone wherever he walks by

I mean ffs says all that the only person he charmed in that sense is stannis who is the literal only person in charge in the books who is more introvert than him and has worse communication issues and appreciates ppl going straight to the point

on top of that in the book he looks like ned.... and arya looks like ned and ned isn't described as being particularly handsome that was brandon so he's not even like... I mean kit h. is v. pretty and I think he was a good choice for the role and I'll die on the hill that he was born to play that character and he did it well but book!jon doesn't have that kinda pretty face so the concept that he's the HOT alternative to anyone to me is kind of iffy bc he's not

he's shit at social interactions and at PR which is why robb and him would have been a key winning ticket like he has a better idea of the larger picture but robb would have actually made sure ppl didn't turn against them bc he actually was good at that but like he doesn't go around rallying armies in his name does he

the one time he's been with a girl it was ygritte and like he courted her without realizing it and then she had to pursue him and he barely knew wtf to do on top of the fact that they slept with ghost in the middle of them like a sword which..... is.... I mean sleeping with the sword in the middle was a thing to make sure the maiden stayed a maiden and he's the one who is like i CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH HER EVEN IF I WANT TO BECAUSE I'M TECHNICALLY SPYING ON THEM like... he's not... gallant-knight coded

never mind that the moment they do the do she basically does everything until he decides to try the oral which I mean... isn't exactly alphadominatingmale out of jon which is not a given with the trope he's supposed to represent like he's not smooth he's not suave he's like WHAT THE FUCK when ygritte tells him he has a pretty face bc most likely no one else told him that and he like... doesn't pursue people like that in general which is also not exactly 100% what that trope usually goes for

we can add that he has a lot of passive-aggressive little shit sarcasm in him that they didn't let him go for in the show but like... usually chosen heroes™ don't think what he thinks about selyse in general

we can also add that he's not automatically above being better than his position like... he doesn't take winterfell bc ygritte is dead but he did think he'd have taken the deal sansa or not if stannis had said he could marry her and not val and if she wasn't dead, he basically went off the rails at the dude he was fighting with thinking about robb telling him that he couldn't be lord of wf because he was a bastard and he's absolutely not in the frame of mind of 'well I was born a bastard who cares it doesn't define me'

he's obsessed to the point of unhealthy with actually being defined by it which is why he was better off with the wildlings aka the only idiots in the realm who don't gaf about that

and that's like... I mean usually if chosen ones™ have parental issues it's like 'you were an orphan and raised by asses who weren't your parents but your parents loved you and you'll find out at some point and you'll be happier for it and make your own family', jon is like... he has the mommy freudian issues of the century bc of how cat treated him, on the other side he's obsessed with living up to ned's/his father's name and he hates that it makes him not-belonging or that he feels like he doesn't even if he does with his siblings, and at the same time when the truth about it comes out he's going to get the cold shower of the century bc like - he's spent all that time thinking BUT DID MY MOTHER WANT ME WHO WAS MY MOTHER and he's going to find out of who it was and how he was born and honestly considering that lyanna most likely did regret running with rhaegar the moment he finds that out and that she died birthing him how is he going to feel? - also he spends his life wanting to live up to his 'father's' name aka ned aka someone known to be honorable to a fault and then it turns out his bio father is... the dude who started that entire rebellion not doing a very honorable thing? - also if jon*erys is a thing idt that he'd take 'I fell in love with my aunt' so nonchalantly as he did in the show tldr: he's never gonna get over his parental issues in a short time and when that particular brick hits him in the face it won't be pretty

like the entire point of jon is that he goes through all the chosenone™ cursus honorum as we'd call it in high school when studying latin but each step that means smth good for the usual chosenone™ to him is something bad, being one is not going to make his life better and throughout the entire thing he does not fit that stereotype when it comes to look, personality, basic traits and familial history and like hell he's going to have the happy ending tied up with the bow - like I think he gets a bittersweet one and eventually goes off with the wildlings bc he belongs there after being jon snow first of his name (bc like hell he's not reclaiming his bastard background at the end of this entire mess I'm eating my hat if he doesn't) after splitting the seven realms and fixing things but that's hardly the neat happy ending the chosenone™ usually gets so that's my two cents

... christ this was long *raises hands*

#jon snow #tagging for the lulz i guess #janie writes meta #ch: jon snow #long post for ts #tldr jon snow is a kurt cobain stan in disguise in westeros and chosenones™ aren't nirvana stan coded #and i'm dying on this hill xD

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ink-fireplace-coffee · 3 years ago

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Hi, Carmen! I hope your finals are going well!! I’ve been reading through some of your M&M tag when I have a chance and I just want to say that I love everything about it. Also, YASH?? I’m in love with the concept. I absolutely love the concept of stories that deal with heroes and villains in a not so black-and-white light. Also one that acknowledge how hard it is on the Supers to see all the shit they see. Two questions: 1) have you read the Villains series by V. E. Schwab? It’s absolutely glorious. Lots of moral grey and a very odd found family of sorts. (Major TW for violence tho. It gets kinda gruesome at times). 2) have you seen the tumblr post about the Villain Wrangler? It seems like something that is semi-adjacent to YASH. Also, YASH is an amazing title!!!! I love it so much! And on the topic of titles, alliterative titles with “and” in between… my beloved. I have a weakness for them. Anyways, thanks for reading my rediculous ramblings, and for reblogging my WIP intro!!! (Kris will get his hug, I promise. And Welcome to the ever growing gang of people who adore him. I am succeeding at my goal of making everyone love him, lmao.) okay that is all!! ~ Morrigan (memento-morri-writes) 🗡

Holii Morrigan!! Sorry for answering this like ages ago after you sent it 😅

I'm glad that you liked the concept of "superheroes but make it a story about kindness and growing and self development instead" concept!!! I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you that YASH is my clever little idea to study my psychopathology units by giving some disorders and traits to those characters hahaha

1. No, the only book I've read of hers so far is The Invisible Life of Addie Larue (and loved it) and I have A Darker Shade of Magic on my shelf as well, but I've heard A LOT about Vicious and I'm interested👀 (btw if you want pls go ahead and ramble to me about books??? I love that)

2. And no I haven't seen the post either or I don't remember seeing it! So if anyone knows what post is it and can like send me the link or sth I'd be in debt with them <3

Yes I am nothing if I don't have alliterative titles with "&" in the middle (which is why I have made it so that both books will follow that same structure in Spanish and English by naming them Marble and Magic (Mármol y Magia in Spanish) and Stars and Souls (Astros y Almas))

Oh there's a fun club of Kris??? I'll make us a big banner that says Give Kriss a Hug 2022. I am part of his protection squad now, Morrigan. I will keep an eye on what you do to him <3

#memento morri writes #also I love your username #so clever and cool!!

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makeste · 4 years ago

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I’ve just realised it’s been over a year since you last listed your top 10 characters! Has anything changed since then?

a lot has changed! actually, every single ranking has changed from last time except for one (which you can probably guess, lol).

1. Bakugou (previous rank: 1)

yes, believe it or not, Bakugou is still my favorite. I’ll understand if you all need a moment to recuperate from the shock of this.

2. Deku (previous rank: 4)

hi, so. I really love Deku a lot. I think he is a great character and there’s a lot of subtlety and complexity to him that he doesn’t always get credit for. he is loving and kind, but he’s not a pushover. he has moments of deer-in-headlights anxiety when he’s in the spotlight or talking to celebrities (or girls), but then he’ll go and launch into a five-hour speech if someone mentions a topic he’s interested in. he’s very much aware of the huge burden that’s been placed on his shoulders, and is struggling to figure out how to become his own person (which is fucking hard, you guys; how many sixteen-year-olds do you know who have a solid, firm idea of who they are as a person and what it is about themselves that makes them unique individuals?) while still living up to All Might’s legacy. he’s smart and determined and capable of extraordinary things, but second-guesses himself and has a tendency to overthink everything he does. he is interesting!! and he doesn’t always get credit for being interesting! but he is! anyways Deku ilu.

3. Aizawa (previous rank: 2)

still the best. still so tired. the manga is tripling down lately on highlighting how awesome he is. childhood angst and guilt and trauma?? yes. kicking lots of ass?? hell yes. being outrageously sexy with his floating wavy hair and glowy red eyes and spending almost this entire arc in Eraser Mode while Horikoshi hopes to god no one remembers how he made it a Whole Thing after USJ that Aizawa supposedly couldn’t hold his quirk for long periods like that anymore?? oh, you bet. who is even gonna complain about it. you?? I sure am not. and last but not least, being the greatest dad in the world who’s willing to stab god in the face in order to stay alive to protect his children and continue to watch them grow?? fam. you goddamn know that is a YES WITH CAPITAL LETTERS. how can one character honestly be so great. how can he even contain it. he’s so powerful.

4. Todoroki (previous rank: 5/6)

Ochako slid all the way off my top ten list and I feel so bad about it. but she hasn’t had the spotlight for a long time, and meanwhile Shouto has had what feels like ARC AFTER ARC of being awesome and doing awesome things like becoming Bakugou’s Undisputed Best Friend, having the longest and purest canon romantic relationship in the series (I am of course talking about him/soba), and playing a key role in one of the most beautifully executed family arcs I have ever seen, with his conflicted feelings about his father that are so layered that THEIR LAYERS HAVE LAYERS. and meanwhile his quirk kicks as much ass as ever. remember that one time Shouto almost burned Tetsutetsu alive. remember that other time he fucking annihilated Ending (“GIVE ME BACK MY BROTHER”)?! and meanwhile he remains the goodest and purest child in the entire series, making sure Mt. Lady’s heart is okay, and offering his two friends internships without a second’s hesitation because THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO. it’s just what they do you guys.

5. Hawks (previous rank: n/a! welcome to the top ten kiddo.)

OH NO I LOVE A MURDERER WHAT A STUNNING INDICTMENT OF ME. send me off to jail. anyway so I have always liked Hawks, but the latest arc has sent him skyrocketing up through the ranks of my heart. not because of the murder thing, but... okay well but actually, it is because of the murder thing though. NOT BECAUSE I’M HAPPY HE KILLED A GUY WE ALL LOVED, jesus, but because of how well Horikoshi portrayed his struggle over it. he didn’t want to do it!! but he ended up having to in the end, and he paid one hell of a heavy price for it. and listen, but if you give me a character who is smart, who is compassionate, and who is one of the most mentally and physically capable characters we’ve seen in the series and yet simultaneously does not have even the slightest ounce of regard or self-preservation for his own mental health? a character who is tired, who is willing to make sacrifices up to and including the ultimate sacrifice for what he believes is the greater good? a character who is achingly alone and isolated in so much of what he has to go through, who doesn’t dare drop his guard ever, who’s not able or willing to share his burdens with anyone else? if you give me a character like that, and then ask me not to love him, it’s like. I am very sorry but I truly have no say in it at this point. he’s adopted. I’m sorry it’s the law.

6. Tomura (previous rank: n/a)

OH NO I LOVE TWO MURDERERS WHAT EVEN IS WRONG WITH ME. hahaha. so in between the time of now and when I last did a character ranking, Tomura had a flashback! and it was very traumatic! he was little and sweet and his dad was a dick and there was a lot of blood and gore and a dog died!! and then AFO was all “HELLO IT’S ME COME TO SWOOP IN AND ADOPT YOU AND ENCOURAGE YOU TO KILL STUFF AND ALSO HERE ARE YOUR DEAD FAMILY’S SEVERED BODY PARTS TO ADORN YOURSELF WITH SO YOU NEVER STOP FEELING MISERABLE.” and everyone sitting there reading was all, “well I’ll just come out and say it, I can sort of understand why he became a murderer now,” and we all agreed that yes, it did indeed make a great deal of sense, when you put it that way. anyway, so obviously you can’t not feel empathy toward the kid after all that, even if he is going around killing A WHOLE LOT MORE people now, and has basically gone batshit insane actually. I remain steadfast in my conviction that Tomura is not the actual final villain -- AFO is. and call me crazy, but in spite of everything, I still think this kid has a shot at redemption. it won’t be pretty, and it’ll be a long, long path, and he might not ever fully make it all the way, but he’s someone who’s been manipulated and used as a puppet his entire life, and I want him to have the chance to finally break free from that. hopefully he’ll get it.

7. Mirko (previous rank: n/a)

so previously this section just said “MIRKO!!!!!”, which I honestly think sums it up pretty well. I honestly can’t think of any other character who has come along and just slapped me straight across the face with their sheer awesomeness as much as her, though. every time she’s onscreen/on the page my face is just a huge grin the entire time. she is fearless. like, she’s the type of person who actually does laugh in the face of danger -- like that’s not just an expression, she will LITERALLY LAUGH. she is Peter Pan with a dagger to his throat, smiling and saying “to die would be an awfully big adventure.” she is someone who’s found her purpose in life and is thriving. Mirko has no time for your existential angst; she’s too busy kicking ass every minute of every hour of every day. I love her so, so much. thank you so much Horikoshi for being obsessed with her and making her the biggest badass in the whole series.

8. All Might (previous rank: 3)

I still adore him! he just has had next to nothing to do for what seems like forever, so the other characters who are still getting steady development are kind of just sneaking past him one by one. but he is still the absolute best. he cares so much. so, so, so, so much. he’s not always the most natural when it comes to being a teacher or a mentor, and he stumbles and makes mistakes, but he loves his kids. he cares about them so fiercely. and that’s far and away the most important thing, and it’s not even close. and he’s also just so endlessly self-sacrificing and constantly putting everyone else before himself, and it’s insane. he’s someone who is just constantly thinking, “how can I do more, how can I help more, what else can I do to try and make the world better” even as he stumbles along with half a lung, and struggles with his feelings of inadequacy and helplessness and feeling like it’s just still not enough. I want to give All Might the biggest hug in the world and tell him that it’s all right, that he did good, that the kids are going to be all right. when Aizawa told him “you being alive is enough” I almost had a breakdown tbh. anyway if I keep going I’m gonna talk myself into moving him back up the list and then I’ll have to rearrange this whole thing lol so suffice it to say, fuck yeah All Might.

9. Momo (previous rank: 7)

when is Momo gonna do more stuff, Horikoshi?? huh??! he does realize that whenever she does stuff it’s always amazing?? so why is she not just constantly doing amazing, awesome stuff all the time?? I don’t know, and frankly I’ve had just about enough of this. let Momo do stuff 2020. but I won’t talk about this anymore for now because I haven’t ready any chapter 278 spoilers and I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

(ETA: I HAVE READ CHAPTER 278 NOW AND ALL I CAN SAY IS YESSSSS!!! MOMO!!!! also I swear to god I genuinely had not seen any spoilers when I was writing this post lol, it was a total coincidence. I’m glad the “let Momo do stuff 2020″ campaign was so immediately successful though.)

10. Kaminari (previous rank: 8)

last but not least, my five-and-a-half-year-old traitor son, Kaminari Denki. he is just such a shining beam of light and life and goodness and chaos. there is this amazingly buoyant energy whenever he’s on the page that just fills me with love for him. I constantly just want to ruffle his hair, just, all the damn time. he is everybody’s friend, he loves them all so much, and he fearlessly calls Bakugou “Kacchan” heedless of the repercussions (OF WHICH THERE WERE NONE!!), and he sincerely tells Jirou that he’s in awe of her musical talents, and he wrecked his fingers learning to play guitar for her but he was happy to do it, and he was afraid to fight in the big ALL THE VILLAINS VS ALL THE HEROES battle because DUH!?! but he still did it anyway because he had to protect his friends. and his quirk and its side effects are constantly used for comic relief and not taken seriously at all (even though it’s actually insanely powerful holy shit), but he doesn’t care because he’s happy to make his friends happy. he’ll willingly be the butt of the joke if it means he gets to see them laugh. he just has such a big heart, and in all seriousness, if you think he’s the traitor I just don’t even know what to say to you.

so that’s it! Tokoyami, Ochako, Shinsou, Iida, and Sero would probably be the next five, with Endeavor, Toga, Mina, Jirou, and Mirio rounding out the top twenty. maybe not in that exact order but it’s close enough. really there are only like three characters in the series I actually truly dislike, so I’m honestly glad “top ten” is the general standard otherwise I’d be here all night running through them all lol.

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nightwingshero · 4 years ago

Text

Hold Me Down Chapter 4

Yassss!!!! Hahaha!!!! Surprise!!! I was finally able to get this busted out!! Man, this chapter was...*whew*, it was a tough one! But she’s done and ready to read! It’s not fully edited because I’m too excited and want to post it now but I hope you guys like it!

@dieguzguz a special thank you to you, my dear. Sam, this would’ve been a train wreck if it weren’t for you. Thank you so much for being honest and putting me on the right track when I was going through my rough patch. With your help and advice, I was able to make this chapter everything it should be. Thank you!

The car ride was awkward. I felt like a five-year-old being forced to go to church on a Sunday morning, except I was a 27-year-old adult, being forced to move in with someone I hadn’t known for a full week. Someone, mind you, that had threatened to kill me and who I ended up holding a knife to. Part of me worried that I would wake up to one to my throat.

Atlanta was a decently sized,and with the traffic, it took us forever to get to our destination. The penthouse was on the outskirts of the city, giving what seemed to be a nice view of the city. But it had to have been built recently, the structure shiny and the windows huge. It’s almost intimidating as Randy turns, swiping a card at the gated entrance to the parking underneath.

The parking lot is dark, and I can’t help but remember all those scary movies I had seen in my lifetime so far. I eye Randy, because I know Viking Princess—Jane—is someone I can handle. I didn’t think Randy, or Jane, was a threat to me, especially in the light of current events. But in my life, you couldn’t be too sure. Someone was always ready to plunge a knife in your back, whether you were looking or not.

And I almost groan at the reminder of what I had agreed to. I didn’t know how the hell this was going to even work. I could pretend to be anything, anyone, to get what I needed. A businesswoman, a shallow woman who didn’t understand majority of things, even an escort at one low point in my life. But I had never tried to enter a fake engagement. I didn’t have the type of patience or time for that. A long con wasn’t something Dutch talked much about, despite teaching us the skill to do it. But cons were never the goal. No, our goal was much more sinister than that.

I rub my hands together as we park the SUV, glancing around to try and see through the tinted glass, but failing. As they step out of the vehicle, I follow suit, unsure of where exactly we were going, but I can tell that the garage is a few degrees cooler than being outside. It’s a nice relief, even if the eerie lighting threw me off. It didn’t, however, stop me from eyeing the line of cars.

An empty parking spot laid between a black Lexus and dark blue Jaguar F Type, making me curious to what was missing. I raised a brow, however, as I spotted an old black Mustang at the end of the line. Jane and Randy kept walking, as if it was absolutely normal, and it’s then that it occurs to me that maybe there were more people living in the building. I couldn’t wait to slip away to sweet talk the owner of the Mustang.

Stopping, Jane waves something in front of the elevator, a key card of some sort, and the elevator doors open. I’m grateful, as we ascend, that there isn’t any awkward elevator music playing to add to the odd atmosphere. I want to believe that this could fall under some sort of kidnapping, but I knew that wasn’t the case. I had come willingly, even if it felt like I didn’t really have the choice. Which seemed to be a reoccurring theme as of late.

So lost in my own thoughts, the ding of the elevator made me jump, forcing myself to face the reality of my new environment. The lights were off, indicating that no one was home. Despite the dark home, the massive windows at the other end showed the sun setting and the lights of the city shining around us. Mesmerized I walk forward, leaving Randy and Jane behind in the foyer. The lights switch on, and I realize that there’s a balcony there, the glass doors blending in perfectly with the windows, almost as if they weren’t there at all. The pool water sparkled, the blue of it creating a glow that clashed with the darkness of its surroundings. My skin itched to feel the gentle caress of the water, and I could bet anything that it was temperature controlled.

“I can show you to your room.” Randy called. I glanced over to see him waiting patiently at the bottom of a floating staircase, the dark black slabs embedded into the wall.

“Okay.” I replied, turning away from the view to follow him.

There were a couple of doors that we passed until we came to a small indent, not exactly a hallway, but something with a door on either side. “That’s John’s room.” Randy nodded to the right side. “If you need anything, he’s right across the way.”

I almost flinch a bit as Randy opened the door on the left. I’m sure he meant it to be reassuring, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel it. I was a misplaced object in this odd museum. The feeling just grows worse as we step into the room. The greys, blacks, and whites contradicting each other. It was probably the biggest bedroom I had ever seen, and my gut twists. Why the hell did someone ever find this necessary?

Randy gently placed the bag down on the bed and turned to me. “Take a few minutes to adjust and then come back downstairs. Jane is gonna whip something up for you.”

“And the prince himself?” I asked, continuing to look around.

“John is going to be out late tonight. He said that you were to eat something and to feel as comfortable as possible. You’re allowed to look around, most of the penthouse is open to you. His office and bedroom are off limits, though.”

I scoffed as I met Randy’s dark brown eyes. “Oh please, as if I would ever want to go anywhere near his bedroom.”

Randy’s lips grow into a tight line, but I can’t tell if he’s holding back laughter or a retort. Either way, it didn’t matter. He walked out, leaving me alone in my new gilded cage. I slowly walk around, noting how the windows were floor to ceiling, no way of getting out, especially from this high up. My skin crawled at the thought of there not being a way out, and I focused on my breathing. In and out slowly, because I wouldn’t let this get the better of me.

My fingers skim the silk fabric of the bedding, pressing down a bit, almost shocked at how soft it was. Feeling more like a child, I hop up on the bed and fall back. I sighed, my eyes closing briefly. I didn’t know what kind of mattress this was, but holy shit, was it heavenly. I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling. I feel this overwhelming urge to cry, the heavy feeling settling into my chest. I was finally given just a moment to myself, to be able to actually take a damn breath, and all I wanted to do was cry. I’ve been arrested, kidnapped, backed into a corner and forced into a fake engagement all while losing my apartment. There was no safe space for me anymore, nowhere for me retreat to. I was locked away with someone that was a clear threat if not handled correctly, and god, it was terrifying. I hadn’t felt less level of apprehension since Dutch. Always laying awake at night, scared of what next test he had in store. Part of me worried to waking with John’s hands around my throat.

A knock on the door sounded, making me jump. “Yeah?”

“Food’s done.” Randy called and I could hear his retreat.

“That was fast.” I muttered as I rolled of the bed, my feet landing on the soft rug as I kicked off my boots.

On the way down the stairs, I cling to the railing as my socks slid on my first step, and I refused to have ‘falling down the stairs’ added to the day’s events. I didn’t want to make any more of a fool of myself than I already have. I eyed Jane as I went though, noticing that she leaned against the counter and texted on her phone. Cringing, I eyed the bruising that began to develop from me breaking her nose. I felt a bit bad for it.

“So…what exactly am I eating?” I asked as I slowly made my way to the island in the center of the kitchen. It was modern—like everything else—with the island bar made wholly of white marble. The cabinets and counters of the rest of it was pitch black with a black and white marble black splash. I would be lying if I had said I wasn’t at least a bit envious. It was gorgeous, everything sleek and clean, all the appliances matching perfectly.

Jane cleared her throat and shoved her phone away as I sat at the bar, my hands resting against the cool surface. “I uh, made you grilled cheese. Hope that’s okay.” She muttered before placing a plate in front of me.

“Yeah, that’s totally fine.” I gave her a small smile, but she didn’t see it. I could smell the cheesy goodness, the sandwich cut in half diagonally, showing off the golden melted cheese. I took a bite, the cheese oozing in my mouth. Chewing and swallowing, I watch as she leans back against the counter. She looks exhausted. Another twinge of guilt. “Hey, look, I’m sorry about the nose thing. It wasn’t personal.”

Jane’s sharp green eyes find mine with a raised brow. “Not gonna lie, part of me wants punch you to call it even, but I’m gonna ask in all fairness: how likely am I to win that fight?”

“Hmm.” I smirk before tearing off a piece of the sandwich. “Not very.”

She shakes her head with a laugh as I take another bite. “You know it’s Jacob that trains us, and to have your small ass put me on my face in front of my fiancé and trainer is extremely humiliating. Although, I gotta say as a fan of dramatics in that department,” she threw a mischievous look, raising her brow playfully. “That was pretty badass.”

“Thanks.” I laugh a little as I continue to pick at my food. “So, what happens now?”

“Now,” she sighed. “We play the game. You’ll need to keep a low profile while we set the stage. Obviously, it would be strange if it got out that you were living with John before you’re at least spotted together in public. If we play it right, I think we could make it seem like you’ve been secretly dating the past few months.”

“To the public?”

“Right. But as for the feds and Drubmans? They’ll see that you’ve wrapped John Seed around your finger, doing your job as the engagement gets announced.”

Finishing off half of the sandwich, I gave her a look. “When is that?”

“I don’t know. Honestly, I think it’s all a bit cliché. Just stage a damn break in. Rough John up a bit, break in for fake documents or something.”

I laughed at her as Jane shrugged. “There’s an idea.”

There was a relief in finding some common ground with Jane, something I didn’t realize I truly needed up until now. I didn’t have any allies here, but maybe I wouldn’t have to be so alone. The idle chatter between us was slow, nothing deep, both of us guarded. The trust wasn’t there, and I had to respect her for being smart enough to not give away any details I could use.

After I was finished, she offered a tour, but I stubbornly refused. I was going to walk around his palace and admire what he was, but that didn’t help me from my eyes wondering, eyeing the pictures of family here and there. Most of it was just abstract paintings he decorated on his walls, but I could see a family painting and a few pictures. There were black and white shots of planes on the wall behind me, for whatever reason. I crushed my curiosity down out of pride.

I finally called it a night, throwing Jane a good night over my shoulder as I made my way back to the room I was assigned. Locking the door behind me, I sighed heavily. I could watch tv for the rest of the night, allow myself to slip into a mindless state to help with the tension that I was feeling. But my curiosity finally won out as I started to explore my room in more depth. I walked over to the double doors on the other side of the room, wishfully hoping it was a way to escape.

As I ripped the doors opened, I am both star-shocked and disappointed. Part of me wanted it to lead to a secret balcony of some sort, but what I found instead was an unnecessarily huge walk-in closet. I flipped the light on to see the racks completely filled with clothes: dresses, suits, designer jeans and shirts. There were sunglasses, jewelry, and shoes.

I almost died as I knelt down to check the bottom of the shelves, eyeing the boots that sat there innocently. It was like a damn bookshelf, all the boots at the bottom with a few gym shoes and then…then the heels made up for the rest of it. My eyes widened at the sight of a few Doc Martens, a regular pair, one knee high, and the last was heeled. I couldn’t help but smile in excitement, my love for boots knew no bounds in all honestly. I moved on, checking out the assortment of heels. Most were black, some blue, silver, and grey. There were a few red and burgundy ones, too, and I couldn’t help but…feel a bit of unease.

Frowning, I glance back around, noting the colors—or lack thereof—and I felt a chill. It was strange to me that somehow, whoever did this, knew my taste. Knew my style well enough to pull it off. I turned, grabbed a heel, eyeing that famous red sole before checking the size. I dropped it as if I had been burned, then ripped a black business professional dress off the hanger and checked the tag. A shaky breath escaped my lips as the dress slipped to the floor. Everything was in my size…how the fuck did this happen?

Catching sight of a gown bag, I swallowed before rushing over. I pulled it, carefully unzipping it as I went. Pulling a side back, I drop it and scramble away. Newly dry cleaned and packed perfectly away, was the same dress I wore that night at the gala. I tried to take a calming breath, convincing myself it was a coincidence and that I was just paranoid. But I’ve done this for so long, my instincts couldn’t help but scream, warning me that this was all just too much to not mean something, but I wasn’t sure what. He had seen the dress, maybe he had bought it knowing that. But that didn’t explain everything else.

I’m hesitant, because lately every time I tried to dig, something bad ended up happening to me. My curiosity had done nothing positive for me in weeks, and this was no better. I didn’t want to see this, I didn’t want to acknowledge the possibilities…but I wouldn’t be alive today if hadn’t done those things. Biting my lip, I slowly think up for a plan to see what I could find. A visit to a certain friend could help put things in motion in finding out anything I needed to know. So, I walk out of the closet with a bitter thought of how anyone could afford—or deserve to afford—even half the shit in that damn closet.

Those were my thoughts as I woke up the next morning in the slate grey sheets and expensive down comforter. Worse case scenario I suffered through this for a few months, getting a taste of what I could have when this was all over. It wasn’t that bad. I had protection, slept at a penthouse, all needs were taken care of. I could put up with the insufferable asshole. I had the patience for that.

Right?

I eyed the closet doors and felt a twist of doubt, unsure if I did. Half of me screamed to ignore it and keep my hand down for the sake of getting by without causing anymore trouble. The other demanded answers, curiosity and anger working together to piece every little thing together.

Groaning, I sat up and made my way to the bathroom, doing my usual morning routine. Throwing on a pair of black shorts and adjusting my tank top, I cautiously open the bedroom door. The smell of bacon hit me immediately, and I could hear the sizzling of something. I sighed in relief, shutting the door behind me and running my hand through my hair. If Jane was here, that would make me feel at least a tad better, even though I was the reason she was sporting black eyes now.

My feet hit the cold surface of the stairs as I made my descent, glancing over once the kitchen came into view, and freezing on the spot. I debate running back up the stairs, but he glances over his shoulder at me. There’s no going back now.

I would have never guessed that John could cook, and even if he did, I didn’t think him the kind of person to cook for himself. So, it’s a shock to me, and it’s the excuse I use as I stare at him. His back is bare, with him being in only grey sweatpants that hung low on his hips. It gave me the perfect view of his tattoos. A huge black and blue raven spreading across his shoulder blades, a symbol on his left shoulder, a knife and snake under it, and a plethora of smaller, individual ones along his forearm. I couldn’t get a better look on his other side, but I was so sure that he had others. And as much as I admired the ink across his skin, it was the lines of scars that threw me.

Taking my time, I continued down while keeping a watchful eye on him. I had underestimated him; I knew that much. I just wasn’t sure how much. Joseph showed some cards yesterday, enough for me to know and understand that crossing him would be a terrible mistake on my part. But John…he was still a mystery, and I couldn’t afford any more surprises.

“Wren.” He looked over his shoulder briefly once more, before turning back. It’s alien, how my name falls from his lips. It makes me feel something else that I don’t know how to place. “It’s about time. I thought I would have to come up and make sure you hadn’t died in your sleep.” He called as I stood by the island. His voice had a deepness, almost husky, and I wondered if he sounded like that every morning. Up close I could see the red scars better. Some were random lines, others were words. Sins carved into his skin harshly, as I spy Sloth under his right forearm along with the other tattoos there. I force my attention away from it, swallowing my curious questions.

“I thought Jane would be making breakfast.” I shot back with a shrug that he couldn’t see, so focused on the skillet in front of him. “I was disappointed.”

John moved, transferring whatever he made onto a plate. “Jane is with Faith at their house. She doesn’t stay here. Faith prefers her fiancée at home.” He turned with the plate in his hand, placing it on the island and pointing at the barstool. “Sit. You need to eat.”

Any retort died in my throat as he fished his phone out of his pocket. His chest was well toned and lean. He wasn’t big like Jacob seemed to be, but he had muscle to him. Part of me wondered how much of a challenge he would be if it were an actual fair fight, just him and I. His body was lithe, for sure, so not only would he have strength on his side, but he would be fast, too. I’ve already had a taste of that.

My eyes trace the lines of the scales he has tattooed just under his chest and ending just above his belly button, with another starting right under. A smaller version of the symbol in the center as dark lines and shading to give it a dark glow, with a design underneath that was cut off by his pants. I sat down, feeling uncomfortably warm, and looked down at the plate. “I’d appreciate you not acting like you’re my dad, telling me what to do.” I snarked.

John stopped texting to throw me a dark look, the corners of his mouth twisting the slightest in a smirk, opening his mouth to say something. He stopped himself, hesitating, before his mouth forms a tight line. “Just eat.” He began typing away again, his hair falling in his face a bit. “We’re going to have to announce our…relationship to the public soon. I’ve made a reservation for us this weekend. It’ll give your face time to heal and the sooner we get this going, the better.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he tossed his phone on the counter. “I hope you like Italian.”

He leaned against the counter, his hands gripping the edge as he stared at me. I almost rolled my eyes. How this man could be nothing but business while walking around in sweats was just ridiculous. “Oh good, I love spaghetti.” He said nothing, but I could see the frustration and ire working its way into his eyes. “I’m kidding. Italian is fine.” This time I did roll my eyes.

“Good. There’s plenty of clothes in your closet, and I hope you found something that suits your taste in the bathroom. I don’t know what brands you use, or whatever.” His phone buzzed, gaining his attention.

“You were the one that did that?” I asked, raising a brow at him, my thoughts going to mystery of the wardrobe I had been given. John snapped his gaze to mine.

“No.” he answered, quickly and almost snapping at me. Clearing his throat, he continued. “No, Whitney and Faith did that. I couldn’t be bothered with it. She thought you and Jane were about the same size.”

I narrowed my eyes at him when he looked away. That was…awfully fast, especially for the amount that littered that damn closet. It didn’t really make sense, but I shove it aside, not wanting to start a fight first thing in the morning. “And here I thought it was for the women I’m sure you have milling in and out.”

Ah. So much for no fighting. Pull a punch only to throw another. Good job, Wren.

But John scoffed, a small smirk on his lips. “My one-night stands don’t stay, my dear. And no one would ever be allowed to keep anything here, let alone a full closet of that size.” He threw me a taunting look. “Which I’m sure you’ll understand.”

I frowned, my nose wrinkling. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I mean you seducing all those men you con—”

I threw my head back, a laugh escaping before I look back at him. “Oh, no. I don’t sleep with my marks. Ever. That’s a rule of mine. I don’t ever mix business with pleasure. Besides, most of those men are old and cringy. No thank you.”

“Why?” he asked, folding his arms as he leaned against them on the island. “Bad experience?” He smirked at his own innuendo and I hesitated. I didn’t trust him, not by a long shot, and I didn’t want to ever give him something to use against me. But on the other hand, he was supposed to be an ally, my employer’s brother, and for this particular job, my partner. So, against my better judgement, I decide to be honest.

“When we’re recruited, we learn that creating ties is dangerous.” I stared, playing with the food with a fork. “So, we’re taught how to kind of…shut our emotions away.” Sighing I give him a look. “And for some people, it’s harder said than done.”

He quirked his brow at me. “You don’t have sex because you will get emotionally attached?” John laughed. “Oh, you’re one of those. A bit needy and can get a bit clingy because they end up wanting something more.”

I immediately frowned, irritation making my face hot. Fucking playboys. “No, I don’t sleep with them because they’re disgusting, greedy leeches, and it’s unprofessional. Sex complicates everything, because you’re always messing with someone’s emotions, and that’s where I draw my line. I’m in the game of stealing, not manipulating someone’s emotions just because I can. That being said,” I hopped off the stool, pushing the plate away, before I lean close to him. “Just because some women want something more, and have feelings, doesn’t make them needy or clingy. In fact, they aren’t the ones to blame at all. It’s not their fault you’re a heartless asshole.”

I turned, making my way back up the stairs without another word.

Coming back down a bit later, I found him no where in sight. Jane and Randy sat at the island instead, playing poker. They looked up at the sound of my approach. “I need a car. Unless you two wanna drive me around all day, although I would prefer to be alone.”

Randy hesitated looking uneasy. “Uh, I don’t think—”

“Just give her the keys to the Lexus. John has been using the Audi, he’s not gonna miss it.” Jane cut him off, throwing me a smirk. I couldn’t help but return it, the guilt slowly faded away more as the mutual respect began to grow between us. I had a feeling we were going to get along just fine.

He gave Jane one more look before turning back to me. “The table in the foyer, there’s a black tray where he keeps his keys. Do not grab anything other than the keys for his Lexus.” Randy warned, pointing at me. I rolled my eyes, making my way over.

I raised a brow, seeing the keys neatly laid out. How many cars did this guy have? I rolled my eyes, grabbing the Lexus key fob. I was ready to get the fuck out of here and see what I could find, both with the wardrobe confusion and the apartment issue.

Duncan, you asshole.

I huffed as I parked on the side of the street, eyeing the building. This was the right place, right? Checking my mirror, I open the door and exit the car. I immediately miss the air conditioning, but I push that aside. I was on a mission and this was long overdue. I should have done this before anything else, but it had gotten away from me. I guess being kidnapped had a way of taking up your time.

The building was beautiful to say the least. And I wasn’t sure how the owner did it, mixing between old and modern. It was one of the classier tattoo shops I’ve come across. Made that familiar urge rise up within me again, that familiar and comforting sting that always left something beautiful behind.

Pain was temporary, but vanity…vanity was forever.

Making a mental note to come up with some ideas, I pushed the glass door open. This had to be the one. It was the only tattoo shop close to Mary May’s sports bar, and she did mention it was down the road. I would hunt them down, one by one, though. How many tattoo parlors could Atlanta have anyway? I was determined.

The air conditioning was welcoming when I entered, and a bell dinged to announce my arrival. The inside was gorgeous, to say the least. Dark walls with light flooring, a red accent wall that made the room pop in a way that drew you in. While most of it was sleek, there were Victorian touches here and there, from the plush couch to the light fixtures. A beautiful balance.

“Hold on, I’m comin’!” A male voice drawled, and I couldn’t help but allow my lips to curl into a smirk. I broadened when Sharky came around the corner. He stopped short, seeing me standing in the lobby, and I watched as he took a second to recover. “Oh. Hey there, Shorty. What’cha up to?”

I watched the way he shifted his weight from foot to foot while shoving his hands in his green hoodie. “Nothing much. I was in the neighborhood and thought I would drop by. Mary May said you got a new gig here recently. Didn’t know you were an artist, Sharky.”

“Oh, well.” He cleared his throat while throwing me a sheepish smile. “I actually do the piercings, you see. I ain’t good at drawing or any of that fancy stuff.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “To each their own. But uh…I came here for a reason.”

Catching onto my meaningful stare, he jumped with eyes wide. “Oh! Yeah, follow me this way. We can talk back here.” Sharky turned with a wave of his hand, and I followed him back down the hallway. I eyed the work hung up on the walls, but nothing stood out specifically to me. Just drawings or pictures of work that was done, very good work.

“Who did all these?” I asked.

“Our boss.” Sharky called over his shoulder as he opened a door at the end of the hallway. “He doesn’t come around much with his big-shot career taking up most of his time, but when he is here, he ain’t got any extra time. You gotta book him months in advance.”

I raised my brow, impressed. I’ve had my fair share of experience with talented artists, so it wasn’t that shocking that someone was so in demand. What was shocking was the fact that it wasn’t this man’s main gig. A big-shot career? What the hell did this guy do? And that question became even bigger as I stepped into what I assumed to be his office. Huge glass desk with a fancy computer, with blotch tests framed and amazing abstract paintings hung proudly on the walls. What really caught my attention was the one painting that seemed to be misplaced.

It was religious, that was for sure. A dark version of the Garden of Eden, Eve being entangled naked by a snake while Adam gripped her and bled. I had never seen anything like it before, but something about made you just stare. Sharky finally caught onto what had grabbed my attention.

“Oh yeah. He uh, he has an obsession with religion. I mean, some of his family does, too. Especially his parents, so…there are pieces like that in some of our rooms. Each one is inspired by a sin, I think.”

“And this one?”

“I think it’s supposed to be temptation or something. Or a warning to not touch snakes or naked ladies. I’m not sure.”

I shook my head. “Listen, I came here to check on you and discuss some business. I also need a favor.”

Sharky shifted uneasily. “What’s up?”

“I had some cops, and a fed, tell me they shook you down for information on me. They obviously have been following me because they had a photo of us talking. Any chance that they got anything on you?”

“Feds?” he asked throwing me a confused look. “Nah, nobody approached me.”

“Then what made you have a career change?” I asked.

“Thought it would be a good idea to make legit money, too. Besides, my boss wanted me.

“Is this the same guy whose name was on my lease?” Sharky flinched, giving me my answer, and I sighed. “Damn it, Sharky. I told you to put it under me—”

“My boss wouldn’t let me.”

“What do you mean?”

Sharky paled, making a show of glancing at a watch he didn’t own. “Oh, look. I gotta go—”

I immediately stepped into this path, crossing my arms as I blocked the door. “Sharky, explain. Now.”

“Okay!” he threw his hands up in defense. “My boss…well, he knows about you. Like, knows that you’re a total badass and stuff. So…he invested.”

“Invested?” I asked, an uneasy feeling coming over me. I thought I was flying under the radar, only coming out of the shadows because John had caught me. “What do you mean he knows about me?”

“Well,” he rubbed the back of his neck, unwilling to meet my eyes. “he knows of you. Knows what you can do. And well, he’s my boss Shorty. I can’t do business with just anybody.”

“Sharky, you’re a fence. That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.”

“It’s more complicated than that.” He mumbled, staring at his feet. “If it weren’t for my boss, I’d be dead. He saved my life. So, no, I only do fence work for him and who he allows.”

My brows furrowed. This was supposed to clear up things, not making them more confusing. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it, but my aunt got me out of some…family issues. And well, my boss took me under his wing, kinda. Protected me, you know?” My heart tugged for him. I knew family issues all too well, and he was lucky to have someone to be there for him. Well, fuck.

“So, this ‘Duncan’ is your boss?” I sighed. “And he…invested?”

Sharky perked up at the change of my tone. “Yeah! He was like, super impressed with what you did in L.A., so yeah. He invested.”

“He…he knows about what happened in Cali?” I breathed out, a chill going over my spine.

Of all the things, that wasn’t something I would want anyone to witness. I was still licking my wounds from my wounded pride, my actually injuries healed long ago. It was the first time I had been caught, a tip was given, and I had found myself fighting for my life. I was lucky enough to avoid law enforcement, which seemed to be a miracle. I definitely left a lasting impression and I wasn’t sure if I would ever walk into that city again. Not that I would ever miss it. Good riddance.

“Yeah, but don’t worry.” He waved it off with a roll of his eyes. “He ain’t worried ‘bout all that.”

“So…when you bought me that dress…” I trailed off, the dress coming to mind as I gave him a look.

“He did. I ain’t that good at woman shopping.” Sharky replied with a laugh. “He has good taste, knows exactly what to get. That knife strap still working good?”

“The strap is fine.” I replied absentmindly. I had returned that dress, never keeping things that I used or wore on jobs to destroy any connection. I didn’t like this, not one bit. There was an extremely small chance it was a coincidence. It might not have even been the same dress I wore, just a replica that Whitney had bought. It could have been a joke on John’s part. Perhaps I was just reaching due to paranoia. I sighed and decided to change the subject. But…about that favor?”

“What do you need?” he asked cautiously.

“I need a new set of throwing knives. Just like, three of them. Custom made with the blue blades.”

Sharky threw his head back and groaned. “Girly, you know how much those cost? You want regular throwing knives, I got you. But those customized ones? My boss—”

“If he’s really invested, then he’ll get them.” I replied sternly. “I’m assuming he’s going to want me to do a job for him then?”

Sharky sighed, shaking his head. “It’s complicated. I don’t know what the dude wants, but he keeps the money comin’ for yah.”

“Well…that might be a blessing with what work I have cut out in front of me.” I walked towards the desk, finding it neat and clear of any documentation. Nothing that I could swipe, but there were interesting paperweights and fancy pens. No pictures of family…nothing. “I got myself tied up in a job for the next few months, at least.”

“Job with who?” he asked, not even noticing me taking note of everything I could. I was desperate for a clue, for anything, that could lead me to who this guy was. I didn’t like that someone was watching from the shadows.

“I don’t think I’m really allowed to say.” I replied turning back to him. “I know that I’m gone once it’s over. Tell your boss I appreciate…whatever it is that he did, but I don’t think I’m interested in whatever he has in mind. I just want the knives.”

Sharky shrugged. “I don’t think he has anything in mind, just interested in yah. You want me to deliver those knives somewhere special?”

I snorted. “You can have him deliver them himself to get rid of all this mystery bullshit. But if that can’t be arranged, I can just stop by here. Either way.”

Sharky gave a nod. I was tired of all this suspense, all these surprises that seemed to come out of nowhere. I didn’t know how many people were involved with this, but I was hoping that I had reached the end. Having another player in the game wasn’t something I could afford at the moment. I couldn’t even handle my new roommate, let alone Drubman and the feds breathing down my neck. Which reminded me that I needed to check in sooner rather than later before they hunted me down.

I only stayed for a few more hours, talking and joking with him. I didn’t get a whole lot of time with Sharky, or anyone for that matter. I never really allowed myself to make friends, and I always viewed him, and Mary May, more along the lines of associates or colleagues than anything. But I had found myself growing more and more fond of these people, no matter how much I tried to avoid it.

Finally, waving goodbye, I exited the shop and back into the heat of Atlanta. Somehow, I had managed to kill most of the day, which was fine by me. Normally I was a home body, but with my new living arrangement, I was desperate to get out of the house. Suddenly I found that I enjoyed being out and about.

I turned, checking to see Sharky gone as I pulled out my phone and clicked on her contact. Bringing it to my ear, I listened to it ring. I knew she was about to get busy, but I was hoping she would answer anyway.

“Hello?” Mary May answered, relief flooding over me.

“Hey, May. It’s me.”

“Well, look who decided to stick around. I assumed you were still here since you never swung by to say bye.” There was a beat of silence, but not enough for me to answer. “Wait, unless you’re already gone. Did you leave without saying bye, you asshole?”

I chuckled at her. She was always so damn mouthy. “No, I’m still here in Atlanta.” Unfortunately. “But I’m calling you because I need a favor. Can you look someone up for me?”

“Oh.” She sounded shocked, but she recovered quickly. “Yeah, sure. What’s the name?”

“Duncan. Male, I think.”

“First or last?”

“Yeah, I’m not entirely sure.” I replied almost sheepishly.

Mary May sighed. “Wren, do you have any idea how common that name is? That’s going to take me forever.”

“Well, apparently he’s a big-time businessman here in Atlanta, so that could help. He also owns a tattoo shop. Oh, and the bastard was renting my apartment the whole fucking time. There’s that.”

Mary May hesitated. “Wait…tattoo parlor? Wren, where are you?”

“In Atlanta—”

“Where exactly?” she pressed. I frowned as she sighed. Where the hell was this coming from. “Like, what’s the name of the parlor?”

“It’s the one Sharky is working with. I dropped by and said hey.” I said, brushing it aside.

“Does Sharky know you’re doing this?”

“What he doesn’t know won’t kill him.” I replied impatiently. “His boss has a keen interest, and I have every intention on finding out who has their eye on me.”

Mary May groaned. “Why do I get the feeling this is going to end badly? I can already tell this is going to turn into a ‘Wren-Gets-Into-More-Trouble-Than-She-Anticipated’ moment.”

“Where’s your faith, May?”

“Extremely low considering the last week.”

“Oh…well yeah, that’s fair.”

“So, the name of the tattoo parlor?”

“Right, hang on.” I turned back, checking to make sure Sharky was still out of sight before my eyes fall to the glass. “It’s called—"

I froze, frowning as I eyed the decal on the window. I can’t help but feel irritated, knowing that I had seen that symbol somewhere but couldn’t think of where for the life of me. I pinched the bridge of my nose as a headache began to form.

“Wren?”

“Oh, yeah. Uhm, it’s called Garden of…of Eden…?” I almost scoffed. There was no fucking way. “Yeah, okay, so this guy is religious. Or likes to play with a religious theme. I half expect him to be old and gross. And if that’s the case, tell him I’m a lesbian.”

She snorted. “Yeah, okay. I’ll see what I can find.”

“Thank you.” Just as I hung up, a little alert came through, announcing a new text. As I read it, my heart sank. Fuck.

Update? You’ve been silent too long. -JH

Welp. There was that. With everything going on, I completely forgot that I was actually supposed to be checking in with them, giving updates as things progressed. I bit my lip, trying hard to think of a good response. If they found out I had moved in with John, they would know something was up. This had to be done delicately or we were all screwed. Me, above the rest, though.

Made some progress with the youngest brother. Having dinner. Will keep you updated.

Shoving the phone in my pocket, I make my way to my new car. I was just ready to crawl in bed, sleep forever, and pretend this wasn’t fucking happening. This had only gotten worse, people shifting their attention towards me like never before. It was annoying and I wanted it over with. I couldn’t wait to leave, to go somewhere secluded where no one would ever be able to find me unless I wanted them to.

I drove back quickly, doing my best to avoid the traffic. Eyeing the black Audi, I groan. That only meant that John was back, and I really didn’t have the patience for this asshole anymore today. Part of me hoped that he would be holed up in his office, and I took comfort in it.

But all of that came crashing down when I stepped into the penthouse, loud music playing, the lights dimmed except for his massive lounge. Laughter and thrilled shrieking joined the music, forcing my headache to get even worse. I began to make my way over cautiously, eyeing Jane as she leaned against the separating wall of the room and hallway. She gave me a look as I stepped into the light of the room.

Nothing in this world really shocks me anymore, but I have to hand it to him, John Seed kept me on my toes. “What the fuck?’ I muttered under my breath, taking in the scene before me. John had the same suit on from this morning, or what was left of it. The vest was gone along with the jacket, his sleeves rolled up and the woman half across his lap must have been responsible for unbuttoning half the buttons, or ripping them, seeing that there were a few scattered on the floor. She was in a bright red dress that clung to her curves almost revealing, and she had no issue with pressing all of it against him. Her blonde hair curled and falling messily out of some sort of updo.

The two men on the adjacent part of the couch were no better. Though the women that accompanied them seemed a bit…paid for. They were older, rich by the looks of it, and I’m sure they lived like kings. I recognized one as Charles, the man I had tried to steal from, and the other was a man I hadn’t seen before. He had a half-assed combover with a gut.

“Who the fuck is this?”

I turned at the sound of the blonde’s shitty tone. Her red lipstick is a bit smeared, leaving some on the collar of John’s shirt and his neck. The eyeliner being smudged gave her a coked-out vibe that I wasn’t sure sat well with me, and eyeing the living room table, I found out why. Lines of white powder, nice and neat, laid contrasting against the black glass, and looking at John, I could see remnants of is in his facial hair. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot, his face flushed out. He looked at her with a lazy smile.

“No one, Holly. Don’t worry about her.” John drawled.

I narrowed my eyes at him as Jane sighed behind me. My jaw ticked as I tried to evaluate the situation. I felt like I had just come home to find my husband cheating, and not in the sense that I was betrayed by someone I loved. No. It was the feeling like I was the butt of a joke, that I was to be humiliated, and I was pathetic even being here to confront him for it.

“Right. I’m no one.” I echoed emptily. He caught my gaze once more, the challenge there in his eyes. “That’s exactly how the conversation went.” I’m not a jealous girlfriend—or fiancé—in this moment. I’m a pissed off business partner, who has found just how irresponsible her associate is; that had realized that this was a side of John Seed that wasn’t expected. I might have hated John Seed, but he had my respect.

Until now.

John smirked before hanging his head back. “Please go away. The last thing I want to deal with now is you. You’re ruining my fun with my friends.”

“Your friends?” I scoffed. A sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach made me cringe. “You call these people your friends?”

He laughs, looking at Holly. “She doesn’t even like to have sex. Such a fucking prude. Doesn’t know how to have fun.”

“That’s okay, sweetheart.” The fat one called. “You can come over here and I’ll teach yah!”

I scoffed glancing down at my shoes, trying to ignore the sting in my chest, and I look back up with a mocking laugh. “No, I have more self-respect than that. Unlike the other’s in this room, it seems.” I walk closer to John, his smirk falling at my words as I lean down. “Yeah, I might not be on your level of a good fucking time, and I lie, manipulate, and steal.” I sneered lowly as Holly returned to the table with a rolled up hundred-dollar bill. “But what I don’t do…is lie to myself. I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not for the sake of so-called friends that want nothing from me, but drugs and money. I don’t fill that dark hole with useless shit.” I lean back, taking a step away. “I may not have liked you, but I at least respected you. Disappointing that you don’t.” I sighed, looking at his little plaything. Clearing my throat, making a show of wiping my nose. “You gotta little something…”

She glared at me, rubbing the back of her hand against her nose, but traces of cocaine lingered. “Fuck off!”

“Classy.” I replied unamused, before quickly turning and walking out. “I hope you enjoy yourselves.” Jane met my gaze as I passed her, her eyes sad and tired. My heart is heavy for her, knowing that it was not just her boss, but her brother-in-law in there, wasting his life away on the things that didn’t matter. For people who would never give a shit about him.

“He wasn’t always like that, you know.”

I stop as I enter the main hall, my eyes catching the sight of Joseph leaning against the wall in the dark. He’s wearing a simple suit, similar to what he had worn yesterday, with the same damn sunglasses. “What? Arrogant, misguided, and heartless?”

He threw me a look, those eyes searching my soul until he pushed himself off the wall. “Walk with me.” Giving a slight nod towards the balcony outside, I walk next to him slowly.

Joseph is completely at ease, despite this not being his scene. He seemed so out of place, but he took it in stride. He pushed the sliding glass door open, the cooler air hitting us as we stepped out. Shutting the door behind us, he turned and walked towards the railing, leaning against it as he admired the view. It was fully dark by now, the lights of the city competing with the stars in the sky.

“My brother is most of those things and more, but heartless isn’t one of them.” Joseph finally spoke, drawing my attention to him, seeing the lights reflect in the yellow lens. “He would like you to believe that, because well…I guess that would make him stronger…untouchable, in a sense, yes?”

I leaned with him, deep in thought and hanging onto his every word. “Yes, I suppose that would make anyone feel invincible.”

“Hmm.” He gave me a glance before turning back and sighing. “John used to be such a loving child, constantly laughing and smiling, believe it or not. His parents…his parents ripped that from him.”

“You mean your parents.” I corrected with a furrowed brow, but Joseph just shook his head and looked at me.

“No, I mean John’s parents.” He cleared his throat a bit before continuing. “I’m going to tell you this because I need this to work between the two of you. I need you to work together and right now, that partnership is in flames. Anymore stress, and one of you is bound to explode, and John is infamous for his anger issues, especially to his enemies. And Ms. Blake, despite only knowing you for only 24 hours, I do not with that upon you. But this goes nowhere, do you understand? This stays between us.”

It’s quiet for a second as his eyes drill into mine, and I realize he’s waiting for an answer. “Oh. Yes, of course. I understand. I won’t say a word.”

Satisfied, he turned back to the city and I followed suit, hyperaware of Joseph’s words as they fall from his lips. “I suppose I should start from the very beginning. Our father was a…god fearing man. Knew the bible like the back of his hand. And while he held bible verses in one, he held a drink in another. He was an alcoholic and well…he took a lot of it out on us.”

“And your mother?” I whispered, my heart starting to ache.

“Oh, well, she was there, but she wasn’t.” he sighed. “I didn’t know it as well as I do now. Maybe I had known, I just didn’t want to admit it or accept it. But she was absent, locked away in the bedroom days at a time. I can’t say for sure if it was pills or a needle, but I knew well enough back then that she wasn’t of much help to any of us. It was Jacob who protected us.”

“He definitely seems like the type.” I muttered, remembering the towering man, and Joseph chuckled. “So, what happened?”

Joseph clicks his tongue matter-of-factly. “It was John, actually. That’s how they found out. He went to school with bruises on him and the teacher saw. The next thing we knew…child protective services had come for us.” It’s quiet again as he pauses, and I absorb the information. Even with the sounds of the city, you can hear the water in the pool, and it’s relaxing. There’s a loud cheering from inside and Joseph decides to break the silence. “We got adopted, of course. But…well, they were worse than what we came from, and Jacob being Jacob…well, he wouldn’t ever stand for it.”

“What did he do?”

“He caught their barn on fire.” I frowned immediately, flinching away as if he had slapped me, but Joseph paid no mind, not noticing my reaction. “Then he beat them to death. And they deserved it, but the authorities didn’t see it that way. So, they took Jacob away from us. Not long after that, John was finally adopted.” Another sigh as he shifted. “And these people, swore to be good Christian people, but didn’t know the meaning of it. Swore that John was born evil, born in sin.” He looked at me with a shake of his head. “Misplaced belief breeds disaster. Always.”

The way he said it made a chill go up my spine, my body going cold with dread. “They sound insane.”

“You haven’t even heard the half of it, my dear.” Joseph clenched and unclenched his hands as he stared at them. “They beat him, manipulated him, tore him down until he was exactly what they wanted. He was a shell of himself. Made him confess to sins he had never committed and made it to where he believed he was wrong. His whole existence was nothing but sin. So, he learned how to be the perfect son. Learned how to become a chameleon of sorts, changing colors and pieces of himself for each interaction and person. Something I’m sure you can relate to?”

I shift uncomfortably under his gaze, because it’s so true. Both of us trained and taught to be what others wanted us to be, to be the perfect shining example that stood above the rest. I hated that he was right, that there were similarities between the two of us that shook me to the core, and I wanted to rip it away. To deny any of it, because I would never do what he was doing now. Never would I fall so low.

Become one of his coked-up buddies he keeps around, for all I fucking care. If you value your life, you’ll do this.

A sick feeling twists inside as Hurk Sr’s words whisper harshly in my mind. I did value my life, and I wasn’t so sure of what I would and wouldn’t do anymore. If someone had asked me a few months ago if I would stage an engagement, I would’ve laughed in their face. But yet, here I was, in a situation I had sworn I would never allow myself to get into; a situation where someone else was in control and pulling the strings. I couldn’t really say anything anymore.

“He quit for a while.” Joseph murmured. “John hasn’t…he hasn’t done something like this in a very long time. But we need the partnership, I need them in there to align with us. He knows that…and this was his way…this is my fault, and I know that. John would do anything for his family.”

“You didn’t ask him to do any of that, Joseph.” I whispered. “We make our own choices. And there’s another way, John just…doesn’t know how to apply it yet.” I don’t know why I was defending him, but I knew I spoke from experience. When you didn’t know how else to handle a situation, you always fell on bad habits. They were the most comfortable.

“I’m hoping he will get better. He has, really. But tonight has me worried.” He scoffed. “The Duncan’s did a hell of a job on him, and I’m doing what I can to break their hold. After dead for so many years, you would think their influence would’ve died with them.”

My heart stops as I look at Joseph. “What? What did you say?” He gave me a confused look, and I clarified. “The name. Who?”

“The Duncan’s. They were John’s adoptive parents. Before he changed it back, John’s last name was Duncan.” I swallow as Joseph looked away, brushing something off his suit jacket.

John Duncan.

#deputy wren blake #wren blake #john seed #randy miller #jane williams #joseph seed #sharky boshaw #holly pepper #my writing #hold me down #far cry 5 #far cry 5 au

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the-starless-sky · 5 years ago

Text

Akan Yatsura / drama part full translation

Listen to the track in Spotify!

Names Suiseki Iori: I Gaho Zen: Z Ito Satsuki: S Maruyama Reo: R Masaki Hokusai: H Natsume Ryuu: Ry

This post starts after the sample translation.

I: Good boy. Even so, as expected of Club Paradox… not only is the building grand, the scenery is also very full of life.

Z: Yes, indeed, it’s a magnificent mega-float. The only thing connecting it to land is a bridge, and around it is all sea. It’s the best facility to produce loud noises without anyone complaining!

S: What’s a mega-float? A drink?

Z: It means a very large human-made island.

S: O-of course I know that much!

Z: That sounds suspicious.

H: All of those… are people?

I: They’re people who wants to see the Paradox Live, I’m sure. If there’s this much people, then not even the performers can get in easily.

R: I’m happy that there’s sooo many people coming to watch us.

I: Well then, let’s just walk slooowly and leisurely towards the venue, shall we?

***

I: Oh! It seems that the other teams have arrived too. Whoaah, they’re so popular! Cheeky, they’re even getting interviewed.

R: Eeh… don’t tell me all of the teams competing gets interviewed…?

I: Well, that’s because Paradox Live’s a big event that took the attention of an outrageous amount of people.

H: There were various things written in the invitation.

Z: Show us!

S: Uhm… the opposing teams’ names are… Uh… Ba.. B… Ba.. wha? The cat… whi… su? It’s English, can’t read it. So our opponents are all foreigners, huh!

R: Aah, are you an idiot?

Z: Well, it’s true that there’s a foreigner in B.A.E.

S: Wha…! So you read it as ‘bei’!? So that means…

I: That’s right~ B.A.E is that Anne Faulkner’s team!

Z: What’s up? Is Satsuki-kun’s type that kind of person? Anne-kun is a ma―

R: Sshhhhh!!

Z: Mmmh…!!

R: Geez, read the mood!!

Z: What do you mean!?

I: Anne-chan has arrived, too, you know~? Inside that crowd!

S: Huh!? Eh!? Seriously!!?

Z: B.A.E’s three members are supposedly from an international school. I heard there’s a half- and a quarter-Japanese in there, too.

I: They’re such a high collar[1] people. I look forward to hearing what they have in store.

Z: The Cat’s Whiskers is…

I: Well, they’re the members of Seven-Four. Our patron’s[2] also there.

Z: Hah…! Finally, we can listen to Kanbayashi-san’s rap…!?

I: Lookin’ forward to it.

Z: Yes. If I’m not wrong, cozmez is twins’…?

I: Aah. So this is why he rejected my request. He’s unusually disobedient so I wondered what’s up, but I see.

Z: They’re all teams with accomplishments, aren’t they.

I: Well, if they’re our only opponents, I’d be at ease, though. [3]

Z: What do you mean by that…? Where’s Satsuki-kun and the others?

I: They went somewhere bringing Hokusai with them ‘cause he’s big and easy to find. [4]Hig Hahaha, they’re probably going to Anne-chan’s place~

Z: They’re such hopeless guys… let’s chase after them!

***

S: Oh! That back appearance… ain’t it Anne!? What’s up with her wearing such flashy clothing~!? Well… I don’t really hate it, though… I’ll become a cooler guy, and one day, with her…! Yeaaaahh! I’m gonna be BIG!!

R: I knew it~ If you really like her that much, should I call Anne here?

S: D-don’t do unnecessary things!! I-it’s not like I care about her.

Ry: Hahahahahaha!! Boss, Shiki looks like he’s seriously about to die!!

H: Ah…

R: Huh? What’s up? Did you find someone you know, too, Hokusai?

H: Yes. Ryuu’s here.

R: Isn’t he that strange guy in the bar? There’s quite a lot of people we know here, huh?

I: Ah, caught ‘em, caught ‘em.

Z: Oi, you three! Don’t go too far from us! You’ll get lost.

S: I won’t get lost, I’m not a kid!

M1: Um, excuse me, all of you are Akan Yatsura’s members, right? Can we talk a bit?

S: 'Sup, suddenly?

I: Seems like they’re from a TV station. I guess it’s our turn for the interviews now.

R: Ah… ah… ah… television…

H: Not good.

M1: Well then, we’ll start from Reo-kun. Good afternoon!

R: STOP IT!! Don’t point the camera this way!!

***

M2: We are at the scene. This is the building reported to be the source of gunshot sounds and angry roars. A few moments ago, the police force has stormed- Ah! Someone came out! Is it a boy…? It seems they’re are still young. Some men came out! We can see blood on their clothes.

R: Everyone… hey… wake up… Wake up…!

Z: Reo-kun… it’s no use… they’re already…

R: No way! No way, no way!! This can’t be real…!

S: Shit, stop screwin’ around!!

I: I will… definitely make them pay for this. Absolutely…!

***

R: No… stop it…

M1: Um, are you alright?

I: Sorry about this, Sis. He’s really nervous! Zen, take him somewhere quiet, would ya?

Z: Understood. Well then, Young Master. We will meet you in the dressing room later.

M1: Um… may I continue the interview…?

I: Sure, we don’t mind! Ask anything you want.

M1: Yes! What’s this team’s determination for tonight?

S: That’s obvious. Of course it's nothing but victory.

M1: O-of course! Then, can we ask you about this team’s strength?

H: Cat-patterned skirt… cute…

M1: Ah, uhm…

I: Our team’s strength is teamwork unique to a family! Call it a ‘bond’ – That’s our selling point!

M1: Which means it’s teamwork akin to a familyー

S: Not ‘akin’! We are family! Don’t take us lightly!

M1: Ah, I see…

I: Sis, I’ll tell you this. A family ain’t about blood. It’s about the thickness of the time you spent together.

M1: I see! Well then, lastly, please give a few words for the all the heads[5] paying attention to Paradox Live!

I: Everyone, please check out Akan Yatsura closely~! I’m countin’ on y’all~! Look everyone, stay happy!

M1: Thank you very much!

I: I wonder if they’re okay.

S: Zen-nii said to go to the dressing room, right? Let’s go!

***

I: Reo, are you okay?

R: Yeah. The memories from that time just…

Z: It seems that his emotions have calmed down, too. There’s no need to worry anymore.

H: Reo, it’s okay. Good boy, good boy.

R: Thanks, Hokusai.

I: Oi, Satsuki! What’s wrong? Even though you bought lots of drinks and stuff, whatcha waitin’ for?

R: Satsuki… for my sake, you…?

S: Stuuuuuuupid! It’s all for me to drink!!

R: What’s up with that? You can just be honest about worrying! That’s why Satsuki’s still a virginー

S: Shut up!!! If you say any more than that, I’ll sweep you!

Z: Sigh… these children are so…

I: Hahaha… Hahahaha!! That’s right! Akan Yatsura has to be this merry!! Anyways, Paradox Live starts today. You guys are all prepared, right?

ZSR: Yeah!

H: Mm!

I: Let’s show everyone how high our spirits are! Number, what number!?

ZSRH: Number 1! Akan Yatsura Underground!

I: That’s it! Come on, let’s go!

***

I: The mastermind is somewhere in this live house. I’ll definitely catch you, no matter what. Just wait. For Father’s sake, too.

Notes

[1] High collar （ハイカラ） means stylish, fashionable

[2] Patron （旦那） there are so many ways to translate danna, but I can’t be sure which one is right because we still don’t know the ties between Yohei and Akan Yatsura...

[3] Iori’s line imply that there are more than just the other teams they have to fight (in rap sense or not).

[4] Literally, because he could be a sign/post/mark since he’s tall so the others could find them easily.

[5] Heads means rap fan.

#translation #drama cd translation #paradox live #akan yatsura

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nisaadventures · 4 years ago

Text

I’m turning 30 in 10 days... yikes.

The last year of my life has sucked... lol. Okay, it wasn’t all bad. I’m exaggerating... but I’m also not. I know there were plenty of nice moments in the last year... but when I think about the last year of my life, its just full of so many firsts... awful firsts...

First time celebrating their birthdays without them...

First holiday season without them... anyone else miss mom’s turkey? Most people don’t like traditional thanksgiving dinner because the turkey is more often dry... mom’s was never dry... Okay the key people.. Don’t actually cook your stuffing in the turkey. Its just going to suck all the juice life out of your bird... I mean come on. Trick #1 stuff the turkey with fresh cut oranges and yes, you can leave the skin on... #2 do majority of the oven time in an oven bag to keep the moisture in. #3 cook breasts down. Its the part thats usually most dry, so duh... keep it in the juicy, buttery goodness of the pan. I never made the entire meal, I usually just helped mom with everything. These are just some things I’ve taken away in my observations.

Halloween trip to Disneyland without them... Disney is always a good time, but I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t feel heavy in some way... and that is saying something because Disneyland is my happy place lol.

Looking forward to 2020... Hoping that it had so much better in store for us.

Dear lord... what a joke.

Going to Hawaii for our “family trip” without them...

A pandemic without them... I mean yes, I’m thankful they aren’t out there with COVID on the rise... I’m glad they’re not stuck at home because COVID. Mom and Michael are both too much of busy bees to be cooped up in the house for too long.

Not going to lie... picking up where they left has been hard. All of moms plants... The dogs.. Taking care of the backyard, where Michael usually would. Mom would definitely do too much at once. She’d be out in the yard planting something and pulling out something else in her damn UGG boots! wth mom?! Those are expensive! lol. “Oh its fine.. I’ll wash them.” Omg lol. Either that, or she’d be over here trying to move heavy a$$ pots by herself and I’d have to stop her before she hurt her back. Ayiyi.

Keanu and Aria’s birthdays without them... seeing my babies sad and missing their grandma, grandpa, and aunties has been hard. It will be out of nowhere sometimes... and all the nights of Aria waking up in the middle of the night crying. I feel you baby girl... I get it. I miss them too... Its okay to be sad... Mantras...

You were her little rays of sunshine. Grandpa and grandma loved you SOOOO much.

Mom would babysit the kids on Saturday mornings, while Kuya, Vaness, and I went to workout. They’d go get breakfast, pancakes and eggs, at UJs. She’d take them to Target, the dollar store, Walmart, etc. just so they could look and maybe get something to play with together. She always crafted with them.

Living in this house... especially with COVID... has been hard. I miss just sitting at the dinner table, eating sho mi, and talking about work. Mom and Michael getting all worked up over some crazy manager, or something going down with the union.. yup, that’s where I get it from... advocacy and leadership skills FTW. One thing they could always talk about for HOURS was work lol.

I remember when I was a little girl, Mom would let me play in the bathtub until I was all wrinkled. She would let me bring all my toys into the tub. At one point I even had a care bear doll that she, for some reason, let me take in the bath lol. She’d throw it in the dryer for me after I was done.

I remember going to the grocery store with mom and leaving with two full a$$ grocery carts because we had a full house at all times. I mean it was Kuya, my cousin Jojo, my brother Derric, my cousin John, Bubba, my cousin Jay, me and whoever else was over the house lol. When Kuya was in high school, it was all of his buddies partying at our house and crashing on the floor in the living room, dining room, and all the couches. She was the #1 host for sure.

“Are you hungry? Did you eat yet?”

Thats love.

All of Kuya’s high school friends called her Mom. My friends called her Mama Fern. She loved that.

I remember playing hide n go seek in the dark in our tiny town house.. Later in the bigger house on Glenbriar... where mom actually tripped and broke her arm... But she laughed so hard she peed her pants, so she was a good sport? lol. Needless to say, we sort of stopped playing after that.

I remember making dim sum with mom for the first time. Such a hot mess, flour and food everywhere, but so fun. We definitely didn’t do that again until there were more adults around to help lol. Mom knew how to run through a kitchen like a tornado. Hot mess! but the best cook.

Mom was always careful. She always wanted to make sure we were safe, that I was safe. I couldn’t go outside unless one of the boys was with me. When I would swim she would get nervous, even though I learned how to swim at a young age thanks to Kuya. One day, we were having a bbq, lots of family over, I was playing in the jacuzzi (drawing on the wall of the jacuzzi with a piece of chlorine... don’t play with chemicals kids lol) and she thought I was drowning? So she jumps her a$$ in there fully clothed and yanks my a$$ out. I was shocked as hell, so I naturally started crying hella hard and complaining about the fact that she scratched me when she yanked me up out of the water lol.

Keep in mind that that was not the first time one of the twins jumped into the pool fully clothed to “save” someone hahaha.

Speaking of fully clothed in the pool... The time auntie tripped and fell slo-mo style (that questionable, are you going to catch your balance, speed) into the pool LOL. Mom was dead laughing at her. Most hilarious video.

Those twins lol.

Jeeze.. speaking of the twins. They had this crazy connection. Tell me why when mom got sick with suspected viral meningitis and had to be hospitalized... Auntie straight up followed her right into the ICU with viral meningitis...

Who remembers their 50th birthday? Talk about doing it BIG. So much fun. All the performances. Lani was there... KMA performances and kuya and John getting down for Maglalatik. Who doesn’t like seeing some half naked, buff dudes, bang coconuts together? haha. The twins getting down with their hula performance. Cute!

I remember when Mom and pops were going through their divorce and she would text me after midnight. I was going to Sac State and of course I was team NO sleep at the time. I would be in the AIRC studying. I’d comfort as best as I could from a distance... and then come home on weekends to be there with her when I could.

She found her footing again. Started going to the gym with Kuya more... Started running all the time... all of her half marathons and finally she did the Nike Women’s Marathon.

Hiking Half Dome with her. What.a.badass.

That is really how I see her. She was so badass. When she was my age she had my 9 year old Kuya and I was on the way... She was working and supporting us and then eventually decided to make a better life for us, and went back to school... NURSING SCHOOL. wth. I can’t even imagine doing that right now, but reminding myself of where she has been and how much she PUT IN WORK... That keeps me grounded in the fact that we are responsible for our lives. If you want something, you have to work for it. You can’t just hope for better... you make better happen.

I guess its that reminder... her strength... her and Michael’s love and hard work... That keeps me going.

Being mindful... being thankful... acknowledging my own strength...

But with that said... August has been increasingly hard. I don’t like to think about my birthday. I don’t even want to plan anything. They’re not here... I can’t celebrate with all my loved ones and friends. Thank you COVID...

We’re just getting closer and closer to the anniversary? Nah.. lets not call it that... anniversary sounds like something nice... something to celebrate... This is NOT that. The day your loved ones are taken is not something to celebrate... I mean honestly, if I had to pinpoint the worst day of my life, that was it.... When I think about that day I can’t breathe. Terrible memories... so many sleepless nights. I’ve come so far. Its still hard, but I’ve come a long way.

Anyway... this post is sort of random and nostalgic. Things I hold onto. Things that make me happy cry... Things that weigh heavy on my heart.

Here’s my playlist for grief... reminders of them... collected over the last year:

Aloha for now -Kaleo Vai & Passion

One day at a time -Jennifer Chung

In the end - Gabe Bondoc, Melissa Polinar, Passion

Round and around -Kolohe Kai

Fade Away -Rebelution

Alive -The Green

New Day -Kimie’

Angels above me -Stick Figure

Memories -Maroon 5

Wish you pain -Andy Grammer

100 -Katchafire

Everyday life -Coldplay

Out of the darkness -Isla vista worship, Bre Reed

Amen -Andra Day

Grateful -13 Crowns feat. Poo Bear

Rainbow Connection -Gwen Stefani

Be okay -ZOE worship

With you -Eryn Allen Kane

Dont worry -Mesto feat. Aloe Blacc

Just livin’ -Sensi trails, Kbong

Remember me -Miguel, Natalia Lafourcade

Even more -Major

Let it be -Xav A.

Give Thanks -Iya terra, Stick figure

Mr. Sun -Sammy Johnson

Rest easy -Thrive, Nico of Tribal Theory

Sunny Days- Allen Stone

Today’s a new day -Common Kings

Mother’s Love -Jonah Jaxon, Micah G

The bones -Maren Morris, Hozier

Give you blue -Allen Stone

And we remain -Johnnyswim

Yellow -Kina Grannis

Streetcar -Daniel Caesar

Meant to be -Bebe Rexha, Florida georgia line

All you need to know -Gryffin, slander, Calle Lehmann

Like I’m gonna lose you -Jasmine Thompson

#ohanaovereverything #threeoh #grief #memories #family #loss

5 notes · View notes

sarohara · 4 years ago

Text

hey darling,you're my best friend

Stranger: But there’s a fewer things that you don’t know of

You: AHAHAHA

You: Why I borrow your lipstick so often

Stranger: I am using your shirt as a pillow case

You: I wanna ruin our friendship

Stranger: We should be lovers instead

You: I don't know how to say this...

You: 'Cause you're really my dearest friend ahahahahaha

Stranger: Cause you’re really my dearest friend

Stranger: Nice!

You: yooooo

Stranger: Hahahaha

You: ahahah what's up?

Stranger: You just made my day!

You: aaaawwwww

You: nooo, YOU made my day

Stranger: My dearest friend! 😂

You: 😂😂😂😂

Stranger: So, who are you?

Stranger: Darling

You: AHAHAH i'm a stranger

Stranger: Say less!

You: ahahahahah named Sarah

You: who r you?

Stranger: Hey Sarah! My name is Zala

You: No way Zala

You: Sarah, Zala

You: 😂😂

You: Nice name btw

Stranger: Haha thank you 😂

You: np lmao ahah well, wyd here girl?

Stranger: I am just boring. And I put tiktok because I don’t want to have “ads for kik or onlyfans” by every second message

Stranger: Didn’t expect anyone from tiktok here tho

You: oooh i get u, i'm bored as well, i mean, everybody's bored on omegle 😂 what's new right

You: and well, actually, i'm not from there but ik that trend so idk, i just felt like 😂

Stranger: I just watch tiktoks

Stranger: Never made any

You: Yeaa, but in my case, i saw it on yt

You: so i thought "why not?" ahhaha

Stranger: Why not! Do it more often tho

You: well, I was thinking about doing it with someone on snapchat but idk

Stranger: Good idea, but I just don’t like screenshoting pictures. Then people know that something is going on

You: Oooh yea but i could do it after u know..

You: Idk, i don't even know if i'm gonna post it

Stranger: Yeah I understand

You: Idk anyways

You: People here before you, just skipped me away when i sent "hey darling, you're my best friend"

You: like cmon guys

Stranger: Hahahah I believe! I usually skip when I get “horny”

Stranger: Boy please stope

You: Yeaaaaaa ikr, i hate it

You: I mean, nobody cares right

Stranger: Yeah

Stranger: I get on befrore “M, horny..... skip”

Stranger: I was just laughing at myself and skip it

You: AAHHAHAHA

You: "m>skip

Stranger: Hahhahaha

You: most guys who send "m" are horny, basically ahahhaha

Stranger: True

Stranger: I always say first like “hey”

You: Yeeeeaaasss

Stranger: How are you. Not just F

Stranger: And it’s hard to find a girl who will talk with you

You: Something like "wyd", "what's good?" not f, bc no one asked

Stranger: Like if I say F back, I always get skip

You: U mean, girls?

Stranger: Yes

You: Ooh i feel u, they skip me too

You: Like "???"

Stranger: Exactly!

You: it's like you're only here for boys, damn girl

Stranger: How old are you tho? Because I like the way you’re thinking

You: Do u wanna guess?

Stranger: Hoping more then 16😂

You: Uuuum i'm 16 😂

You: Hbu

Stranger: 20

Stranger: Don’t call me old now!

Stranger: 😂😂

You: I wont 😂

You: Maybe later but not now ahahahahhah

You: Nah i'm joking

Stranger: Hahahah mean!

You: Yea, so mean!!! ahhahah

You: where r u from btw?

Stranger: Europe

Stranger: Slovenia

Stranger: You?

You: Ooh that's so cool

You: I'm from Brazil

Stranger: Oh waw

You: Far aaaway right ahhah

Stranger: Yeah

You: say something in slovenian/slovene idk

Stranger: Hello, I am Zala. - živjo, jaz sem Zala

You: Seems so fancy

Stranger: How are you - kako si

Stranger: Hahah it’s actually hard to learn

You: Yeaaa i bet!!!

Stranger: You speak in portugal?

You: Portuguese

You: Yea :)

Stranger: Some things I remember from primary school

Stranger: Hahaha

You: well, do u know something in portuguese?

You: ahahhaha

Stranger: No hahah

You: Oh okay ahah

Stranger: But you can teach me!

You: Yea, sure

You: Hey, my name's Sarah, nice meeting you. - E aí, meu nome é Sarah, prazer te conhecer.

You: How r u?- Como você está?

Stranger: Uhhh I hate this letters àáèê

Stranger: Hahaha

You: AHAHHAHA

Stranger: Always have trouble pronouncing them

You: It's not that hard, trust me ahaha

Stranger: Hahah okay

You: So

You: how r things over there?

Stranger: Corona?

You: Yea

Stranger: We are in “lockdown” for 6 weeks now. We have police hours from 21-6

Stranger: Only grocery stores are open

You: Oh i didn't know that

Stranger: It’s weird

Stranger: We have to wear mask everywhere

You: I mean, most of europe is in lockdown right?

Stranger: Yes

Stranger: How are things in Brazil?

You: there's no lockdown over here but we still wearing mask everywhere

Stranger: I hope it ends soon

You: Yea, same :) at least, i hope it gets a lil bit better bc the situation it's not good.

Stranger: True. Let’s hope for 2021 to bring good news

You: Hopefully

You: wyd now?

Stranger: Some university work

Stranger: You?

You: Oooh i was about to say "homework" as well ahahha

You: Same zzz but not university, high school

Stranger: I could say, you are 16

You: Yea yea

You: What do u study btw?

Stranger: Educational science.

Stranger: Let me explain

You: Go ahead

Stranger: When I finish with uni, I will probably work in school and I will be the person, you came to, when you need help. Like social worker probably. But I will also help study people with special needs. Like doing work slowly, repeat things with them

You: Ooh i got u!! I appreciate these people btw, it's amazing :)

Stranger: Ooo thanks! So sweet of you

You: Aww :)

Stranger: Are you in general high school or for special job?

You: Both ahahah

Stranger: Oh, so like what?

Stranger: If I guess it’s nursing

Stranger: Hahaha

Stranger: That was one of my opinions when I went to high school

You: ahahhaha actually, accounting ahah

Stranger: Okay hahah

Stranger: Not bad at all

You: I mean...

You: I dunno 😂

Stranger: You will see

Stranger: Enjoy your life as a teenager!

You: don't even dare

Stranger: Hahah

Stranger: I was starting to party when I was 16

Stranger: And now corona

You: 4 years it's a long time okay 😂

Stranger: Hahahha okay okay

You: Corona sucks

You: i can't go to parties 😂

Stranger: Hahah same tho!

You: everyone's in the same boat right

Stranger: Right

You: Yaa

Stranger: I will let you finish your homework

You: Don't do that

Stranger: Hahaha

You: But well, i'll let u finish your university work

You: wait, first, what time is it?

Stranger: 18:40

Stranger: Almost 7pm

You: Yea ik

You: It's 14:40

You: almost 3pm

Stranger: Isn’t it interesting. How different is time around the world

Stranger: We will celebrate new year before you

You: it's really interesting. I have a name for it.

You: It's called timezone 😂

You: i'm so funny right.

You: joking.

Stranger: Hahahah

Stranger: You’re

Stranger: Never heard of timezone before

Stranger: 😂😂😂

You: Yeaaaa ikr, i mean, I created this name

You: By myself

Stranger: Omg Sarah the creator

Stranger: Everyone will learn about you

You: I'm a genius 😂😂

You: ahahahhahaha

Stranger: So glad that I meet you

Stranger: Hahahah

You: Aw :) me too :) so glad that i meet u

You: Aw is my second name, i'm always "aw" 😂 as u can see

Stranger: Hhahha 🥺🥺

Stranger: Do you want to keep talking on other social media?

Stranger: No pressure

You: Yeaa!! sure :)) i was about to ask it.

You: do u got insta?

Stranger: I do

Stranger: ferjancic.zala

You: shhht

You: mine is @sarahcvlm

Stranger: Wow so depressing quote 😂

You: I said "shht" bc I uninstalled my insta yesterday, but I'm gonna follow you later, I swear ahahhaha

You: Depressing? 😂 Okay i'm a depressed now bc it's basically my life aahahah

Stranger: Hhahaha don’t be like that

Stranger: I send you request

You: I'm joking, it's just a quote from Anne with an E :)

You: Oke :)) installing instagram again

Stranger: Okay

Stranger: Hahahah oh

You: "Oh" 😂

Stranger: Oh, you didn’t have to do that

You: Stop it

You: i was gonna do it, soon or later dw

Stranger: Okay okay😊

You: Done

You: Ooh, you're so cute Zala :)

Stranger: Awww 🥰

Stranger: You are too!

You: Aw, thanks :))

You: both followed :)

You: See ya there?

Stranger: See ya!

1 note · View note

purplesurveys · 4 years ago

Text

819

what is a food that you’d hate to be allergic to?: Omg SEAFOOD. Can’t live without it. If I was allergic to it I’d be that person who brings tons of antihistamines everywhere I go so I can power through when eating crabs and mussels and shrimp. I just can’t live a life of being forced to watch others eat seafood while I can’t lol.

what color was the last towel you used?: Light blue.

would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you? Same height or a tad bit taller is fine; I’m not super particular when it comes to height.

when was the last time your nose bled? My nose has never bled before and I dread the day it happens for the first time, because I’m totally unprepared and blood freaks me out and I will highkey probably pass out for a bit hahaha.

how old are you turning this year?: I already turned 22 last April. Considering the circumstances, my birthday had surprisingly gone really well too.

what is your favorite thing to snack on while watching a movie?: French fries from Potato Corner. My go-to bucket size is Mega and I will typically request my order to be 1/2 barbecue and 1/2 cheese fries. I’ll feel super uneasy if I don’t have that exact order when watching a movie at the cinema.

swimming pool or hot tub?: So I had to look up hot tub because I wanted to know how it’s different from a jacuzzi, and holyyyyy crap I’ve learned something new - Jacuzzi is a brand of hot tubs, wtfreak my life has been a lie I thought it was a word!!! Hahaha in any case, I do prefer hot tubs more. I’ve always felt dirty hanging around in swimming pools.

can you swim well? I’m not able to perform any of the strokes like an Olympic athlete, but I can tread well and for a good amount of time.

what body part do you wash first in the shower?: Not really a part of the body per se but I’ve always washed my hair first.

who would you allow to read your thoughts for one day? No thanks, I find that too invasive.

what kind of first impression do you think you make? Cold and a little aloof, which isn’t too far off from the truth especially if I’m not approached first. If someone does talk to me for the first time, it’ll depend on their body language whether I’ll choose to continue to be reserved, or if I’d want to be bubbly and vibrant around them.

name your last reason for using a camera? My dad honked his horn as he parked in the carport to let us know he was home, and my dog ran up the screen door and sat patiently to wait for him to come inside, his tail wagging the whole time.

where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? Sometimes I’ll line up our dining chairs together so it can turn to some sort of bed, and I’ve been falling asleep on that often lately.

what are you excited about? To drink the rest of this milk tea my dad bought me :) He went out to run some errands and I guess he’s been hearing me talk about how I miss having milk tea, so he went out of his way to go to a Chatime and get drinks for me and my sister.

seven days from now, will you be in a relationship? Yes.

are you a happy person? My emotions are always all over the place. I’m never consistently in a certain mood.

when was the last time you laughed really hard & why? I was bored and missing normal life last night so I went through my uploaded photos on Twitter so I can see what I used to do before everything went downhill...and by doing that, I realized that I’m quite good at tweeting HAHAHA most of my captions made me laugh and my content/photos weren’t all that bland or bad either. Idk, this is one instance where I can confidently say that I’m funny hahaha.

what are you wearing? A UP shirt and a pair of shorts.

what do you want? For my college to post the official list of graduating students for this school year so that I can finally partake in the tradition of changing my Facebook DP to my senior photo. I REALLY love how my portrait turned out and I can’t wait for my loved ones to see it.

did you enjoy your weekend? It was okay I guess. My mom was annoyingly cranky throughout Saturday for no reason, but it mellowed out by the next day and that’s good enough for me. Other than that, it was just as uneventful as the last three months have been.

do you regret anything you’ve done recently? Just little stuff that I get over quickly like, “oh I regret making this coffee at 11 PM because it’s now 3 AM and I’m jumpy as fuck.” But no big regrets recently.

is there anybody you wish you could see? For fucking sure. I don’t even have to tell y’all who it is.

have you ever kissed anyone with a name that starts with j or m? Nope. I almost went out with an M, though.

how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? 2 3/4 lol. I trust Andrew 110%...and I mooooostly trust my dad. Not with every single topic under the sun, but I still trust him a whole lot nonetheless.

do you think you’ll be married in 10 years? I hope I will be by then.

what makes you mad most about girls? Definitely wanna avoid generalizing in this question but the way some girls will fawn over men is super hypocritical and that bugs me to no end. Girls shaming other girls for a range of things is also annoying, whether it’s over wearing too much makeup, not wearing makeup, choosing to abort, physical appearances, their diet, etc. Some really need to mind their own fucking business.

have you ever been given roses? Yes.

do you even like getting flowers? I love receiving stems or bouquets but I’m not obsessed with them in that I wanna get them regularly. Giving me flowers for Valentine’s Day or on our anniversary is more than enough for me.

what’s your favorite flowers? Peonies.

could you go out in public looking like you do now? No. I’d change my shorts.

who’s the first person you texted today? I haven’t texted anyone today.

would you move to another state to be with the person you loved? That’s a toughie...it would depend on the opportunities I have wherever I live in the present, and whether there are better ones where my partner is. I’m young and still building up my career, so realistically I’d wanna look out for myself first instead of clumsily jumping in headfirst for love lol.

how’s the weather today? It’s strangely warm and humid and uncomfortable, which is annoyinggggg. News has said that the wet/rainy season already begun, so I don’t know why the sun is still hanging around and being, again, annoying.

what color are your eyes? Really dark brown, almost black.

do you like poptarts? In my country we only get the same five flavors but my favorite out of all of them is chocolate fudge. I really wish we had a wider selection though :(

where will you be 12 hours frm now? Getting ready for bed most likely.

is it easy for others to make you feel intimidated? No. I’m usually the one who involuntarily makes others feel intimidated, oops.

do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow? Not exactly but it’s definitely gonna be one of the several tops and shorts I’ve just been repeatedly wearing at home since March.

are you on a desktop or laptop? Laptop. I haven’t used a desktop in ages.

does anyone hate you for no reason? I’m sure one or two people do, but I genuinely can’t care less.

what are you planning to do today? Finish my milk tea, maybe take another survey or two, eat the salted egg chips that my dad bought, and, if it cools down later in the day, take a quick nap.

play an instrument? I can play the recorder. I also memorize several songs on the piano, but the key word there is memorize lmao. I just know which keys to press due to watching covers over and over; but I can’t read notes, I don’t know which letters match which keys, have no idea what major and minor is, and I basically know absolutely nothing about using a piano.

would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Just to get closure from certain people or events. If I can go back in time I’d spend more time with my late grandpa, for one.

where did you get the underwear you are wearing right now? I’ve already forgotten.

have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an r? No. I’m an R though, heh.

have you ever passed out? Yeah numerous times. I’m a big fainter, which just sounds so uncool lmfao.

are you easily confused? Yes I feel lost quite easily. I’m often the butt of my friends’ jokes because of this, but I don’t mind hahaha.

do you think you would make a good wife/husband? I like to think that I would be, but I dunno. I’m still insanely young and I know I’ll be a completely different person with different priorities, mindset, attitude, etc., by the time I get married. It’s too early to tell.

what’s your favorite kind of ice cream? Cookies and cream. Queso real is also a really good flavor and it was my favorite for some time before my taste shifted to cookies and cream.

do you like coffee? Love coffee.

do you like summer? I like it when I get to go to the beach or when my family books trips out of town or the country, but I reeeeeally could do without the hot and sticky weather. It’s definitely not my favorite period of the year.

where were you at 8am this morning? I was asleep for half of it, then by 8:30 I was up and scrolling through Facebook.

do you fall for people easily? No. That is one thing I can’t do as a demisexual haha.

everything happens for a reason? This is usually my mindset, yes. It helps me process and accept circumstances better and much more quickly.

have you ever dated someone more than once? Yup, Gab and I have broken up before.

who have you texted in the last 24 hours? No one. Not really big on texting these days as I’ve been using Messenger to contact people throughout the quarantine.

what color nail polish is on your toes? My toes are never painted.

do you find members of the preferred sex confusing? People of any gender have the potential to be confusing. < This.

what are you listening to right now? Right now all I can hear is the work being done for the new house that’s being constructed in front of ours, so I’ll hear the occasional shoveling of stones and trucks coming in and out of the construction zone. The last music I listened to was the Presto from Summer of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons because Portrait of a Lady on Fire always makes me feel things.

how has the week been? It hasn’t been horrible, I’ll give it that. I’ve been revisiting my old fandoms out of boredom but it’s turned out to be a lot of fun; my mom brought home cupcakes at the start of the week; I had milk tea today; and we just had Kimi groomed this afternoon so his fur is all gone and now he looks like a giant rat.

is there something you wish you could tell someone but can’t? I wish I could have respectful debates with my Duterte- and/or Trump-supporting relatives, but I know that’s impossible.

what are your biggest turn offs? People who: can only hold shallow conversations, are disrespectful to those in the service industry; are casually homophobic, racist, sexist, transphobic, and/or fatphobic; take their religion way too seriously; and neglect their pets.

favorite shirt to wear? My CM Punk Best in the World shirt, without a doubt. I’ve been wearing it semi-regularly for nine years and have absolutely no intention of throwing it out.

favorite drink? Depends on my mood and the occasion. If I’m studying I’d wanna have coffee with me, if I’m casually dining at a restaurant I’d be happy with iced water, etc.

last person to say ‘i love you’ to you? Gab.

would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yeah, but when that’s gonna happen again I still have no idea...

what’s your favorite color gummy bear? I always find myself reaching for the red ones.

what is the nicest part of the opposite sex’s body? I don’t consistently stare at a certain part of a guy’s body.

have you ever run into a dishwasher? No, those aren’t common here.

ever had a song sung about/for you? Nope.

is there a baby in the room with you right now? No, not technically. But I do consider my pets to be my babies. < Same. Kimi, now a giant rodent, is walking around the living room at the moment but he never strays too far from me.

where do you sing the most, in the car, the shower or other? CAAAAAAAAAR. This is a big reason why I miss driving, I haven’t been able to belt out in a while.

what is your favorite thing that is green? I don’t own a lot of green stuff since it’s my least favorite color...buuuuut I do have a printed flowy dress that I just love to wear, and it’s mostly olive green.

what did your last text message say? It’s an automated text from a vet clinic I went to last December telling me that I should bring Kimi back for a checkup. I appreciate the gesture but I’m not going back there after how condescending the vet was acting towards me.

what is the way to your heart? Acts of service has been my love language for the longest time.

what do you smell like? I smell nothing off of me now but I do know that I don’t smell unpleasant, because if I did I would’ve noticed it immediately and would feel more conscious.

what’s in your pocket? I don’t have any.

anything in your mouth? Not right now but I’ve been sipping milk tea with pearls all afternoon.

ever hurt yourself playing wii? Only after my first day of playing Wii Sports. It was like a workout for my tiny 10 year old body and I woke up all sore the next morning.

do you have freckles? No, not a common feature here.

what’s the last movie you saw in the theater? Knives Out.

ever jumped/fallen/been pushed in a pool with your clothes on? Noooooooooo. I feel like that’s super uncomfortable; I’ve always entered pools with a swimsuit or bikini. My glare is usually enough for people to understand that I wouldn’t appreciate being thrown into a pool while I still had clothes on.

are you wearing any clothes that you wore yesterday? Technically. I took a shower in the evening and changed into the clothes I’m wearing now, but that was in the evening so it’s not like I wore them all day yesterday.

name a song that you know all the words to: Every single Paramore song. Guaranteed.

what’s the last thing you watched on tv? If we’re really going with a physical TV, the last thing I watched was Descendants of the Sun when I used the Netflix app on our TV. The last series I watched in general was Friends.

what can you hear right now? Two fans whirring in the living room.

did you feel better or worse or the same yesterday? I’m slightly better today. I’m glad Kimi has finally been groomed since his fur had knotted up in the last couple of weeks. Plus I also have milk tea today, and that’s always a winner :)))

are you close to your siblings? With my sister, but we treat each other like buddies and are more of the tough-love type. We banter more than anything and we don’t hold heart to heart talks.

do you bite your nails? No we have a nail cutter at home that I use. If I’m going through a period of heightened anxiety I will bite my nails though.

do you like your feet? Uh, I guess. I’m not complaining about them? but I’m also not attracted to feet. Mine are just there and I’m fine with them.

do you sleep well at night? For the most part.

#survey #surveys

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quentinxdelancret · 4 years ago

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Discord Text Thread || Quentin & Dorian

Discord thread featuring: Quentin and Dorian

When: September 23rd

Mentions: Khai

Description:Quentin texts Dorian after their studio session and they get to know one another a little better. Quentin asks Dorian out on a date.

Trigger Warning: Hardcore flirting.

Quentin. We should hang out again soon. It was a lot of fun

DORIAN Yeah, I agree. I’d love to.

Quentin. Great! Because I would love to know more about you.

DORIAN Well, we could start now if you want.

Quentin. Absolutely!

DORIAN Ask me anything.

Quentin. Anything... let’s see. Do you like fizzle pop?

DORIAN Fizzle pop? Do you mean soda?

Quentin. Haha yeah. Sorry

DORIAN No worries lol. Just wanted to make sure we were talking about the same thing. Not really. I’ll only have soda every now and then. That leads me to my first question for you though. Where are you from?

Quentin. Fair enough. I probably drink it way more than I should. But, it’s really good with ice cream. I’m from Chamonix, France.. But, I moved to California was I was like seven I wanna say. I grew up in San Francisco and you?

DORIAN I’m more of a tea and juice drinker personally. Oh that’s dope! I’m from San Francisco too! I only moved to Kingsboro when I was 18.

Quentin. Oh shit! I can’t believe I’ve never run into you before. I used to spend a lot of time out at MEZZANINE’s and Bimbo’s. But back then I usually needed a fake to get in lmao. I love tea.. we should totally drink tea together sometime

DORIAN Well, I’m gonna guess that I’m older than you so lol. Yeah, we should.

Quentin. How old are you

DORIAN I just turned 29 in August.

Quentin. Ah, hot. I’m only older men. Wow yeah. Hahah what I meant to say was. I’m into them

DORIAN lmao that’s okay. I got the idea. How old are you?

Quentin. I’ll be 25 in December

DORIAN oh yeah, so you were only like 14 when I left Cali lol.

Quentin. hahaha this just keeps getting better. I feel like I totally would have stalked you

DORIAN You were entering high school when I graduated lol.

Quentin. Yeah, I was actually home schooled though. It was easier on my “parents” that way. Did you have a band then?

DORIAN Oh, homeschool? That’s interesting. Nah, I didn’t start my band until after I moved to NY. We started it when I was like 21.

Quentin. Yeah, not as much fun as it sounds though, I promise lol. Oh, sweet! Definitely probably wouldn’t have stalked you then. But, would have loved to.

DORIAN Hahaha. Any more questions?

Quentin. yeah.. I have tons. Am I boring you yet?

DORIAN Not at all.

Quentin. Okay, I’m just gonna shoot out a few here. Have you always been into guys? Are you into me? Do you like Chinese food? Would you like to go out with me?

DORIAN I realized I liked guys when I was 13. Yes, I’m into you. I love Chinese food. Yes I’ll go out with you.

Quentin. I love how straight and to the point you are.

DORIAN I try to be. Because that’s how I prefer people to be with me.

Quentin. Fair enough. took me way to long to type that haha

DORIAN Are your hands busy?

Quentin. At the moment... not really. But you just make me question all my logic.

DORIAN That sounds like a bad thing.

Quentin. Is it? I don’t think so. I can be a bit of a brat sometimes and you just make me rethink my smart ass remarks lol

DORIAN Good. I’m teaching you to be a good boy.

Quentin. Hey hey, don’t go getting carried away now lol

DORIAN It’s true.

Quentin. Listen. I do very bad things and I do them very well. I just so happen to like you.

DORIAN You sound like the guy from Taken. I have a very specific set of skills lmao.

Quentin. hahahahaha it’s true though.

DORIAN Mhm. I’ll believe it when I see it. You probably just want me to think you’re a bad boy.

Quentin. Do I not come off as a bad boy? Wait better question... are you into bad boys?

DORIAN You seem like you wanna impress me. Uhhh. I’m not really a fan of people who do bad things, I’ll be honest. I like you though so maybe I’ll make an exception.

Quentin. Ah, calling me out. I would love to impress you. But, sadly I’m not very impressive. I try to be a decent person but I do have a lot of flaws. I could be whatever you like whoever you like though. I’m pretty flexible

DORIAN You’ve impressed me so far. I didn’t say I wanted somebody perfect. I just want someone to respect me and be totally open and honest with me. I’ve been hurt a lot and I really don’t need any added stress. I just want you to be yourself.

Quentin. Well, okay then. Retract my current statement and let me start again. I’m just a very laid back guy who likes to have a good time and can get super soft when you stroke my dark side. is that honest enough?

DORIAN Okay.. and what are your intentions with me?

Quentin. My intentions. I feel like I should start singing you the lyrics to a Justin Bieber song, ha. I just like you, you’re very attractive, sweet, and I’d love to get to know you more. I’ll be honest. I haven’t really been interested in another guy in quite some time. But, you intrigue me.

DORIAN You know, I’m not normally a Bieber fan, but I like that Intentions song lol. Thanks honey. I’m down to get to know each other better. Oh yeah? I feel special.

Quentin. Everyone I know says that lol. Does anyone ever actually like Bieber? lol. There are definitely things I’d like to do with you on a daily basis. But I’m trying to let you feel me out. Because I can be a hard pill to swallow sometimes. You should definitely feel special though, because you are a rare gem.

DORIAN He has a handful of songs that I like but in general, I wouldn’t call myself a fan. Plus he seems like kind of a dick. A hard pill to swallow? You seem perfectly easy to get along with to me. Don’t make me blush.

Quentin. Same. He’s definitely a dick though. I guess what I meant was, I have a lot of demons. I do a lot of things people don’t necessarily agree with. But my top three traits are definitely flirty, chill, and spontaneous. you’re very cute when you blush though

DORIAN Like I said, as long as you treat me with respect and are honest with me, we won’t have any issues. I disagree that I’m cute when I blush but thanks honey lol.

Quentin. You got it! I’ll have to agree to disagree with you there though. Because I’m the one who gets to look at you, so I’m pretty sure I know what I’m talking about. Speaking of which. You should send me a photo... please.

DORIAN You’re doing all this talking about me, but have you seen how handsome you are? Actually no, don’t answer that. I’m sure you know exactly how hot you are.

Quentin. Lmao you’re so cute. I’m so not hot. But I appreciate the compliment. God! Look at YOU!! what the fuck are you drinking cause damn it looks almost as delicious as you.

DORIAN Uhhh. You definitely are very hot so hush that noise. Lol, it was a strawberry banana smoothie. Can I have a picture too?

Quentin. yessir. It was, haha. I feel very left out of the experience. Sure, handsome.

DORIAN Look at you, following orders like a good boy. (; We can go get smoothies together sometime if you want.

Quentin. hahaha mhm. You just make me fall in line so easily. I’d like that for sure.

DORIAN What can I say? It’s a gift.

Quentin.

this is just me sitting outside editing our cover song seems like you have a lot of those

DORIAN Holy shit, can you seriously look at that picture and say that you’re not hot? Who lied to you?

Quentin. uhm... a lot of people have lied to me. But, you’re reaction definitely makes me tingly.

DORIAN Well I’m here to set the record straight. You are very very attractive, Q. Make no mistake about that.

Quentin. How are you even single? You’re like the messiah of my heart. Not that I’m Jewish by any means lol

DORIAN Lmao oh my gosh. Well because I recently got dumped for somebody else. That’s why. And before that, I was single by choice because I lost my wife in a car accident. So I took about two and a half years to grieve and get myself back together.

Quentin. Dumped for someone else? What an idiot. I definitely know all about loss though with my first real girlfriend. I don’t wanna get too dark on you. But I’ve seen a lot of loss as well. But, you definitely shouldn’t be anyone’s second choice.

DORIAN I appreciate that. It’s really nice to hear. I’m sorry you had to deal with loss as well, honey. It’s not easy. I’m gonna take a shower, we’ll continue this conversation when I get out, okay? Try not to miss me too much.

Quentin. it’s definitely not easy. But, it makes us who we are in some weird twisted sense. You enjoy that shower, I’ll be around whenever you wanna talk. I can’t help it if I miss you though.

[ 30 minutes later ]

DORIAN Hi, I’m back.

Quentin. Hi :) Did you enjoy your shower?

DORIAN I did, thank you. What were you up to while I was gone?

Quentin. Not a whole lot. Just finished editing our cover and posted it. Lots of great feedback already.

DORIAN I saw! That’s super dope. The track turned out great.

Quentin. Thank you. It’s all because you’re an amazing drummer. I had no idea but you really blew me away

Quentin. Also, I’d love to take you out soon. Like, really soon.

DORIAN Aww, thanks babe. But I only put down the drum line. You did literally everything else so don’t give me too much credit. You would?

Quentin. You still made it even better than it would have been. yes, absolutely!

DORIAN You’re too sweet. You’re making me wanna kiss you. would we get Chinese?

Quentin. I would love to kiss you, darlin. We could get whatever you like.

DORIAN I didn’t just melt a little when you called me darlin. Nope. That did not happen. It was a figment of your imagination.

Quentin. Don’t go melting too much Lmao. Oh oh.. nvm. Ha

DORIAN BIG EYES EMOJI

Quentin. Fuck you’re cute!

DORIAN So are you. Now what did you say nvm about?

Quentin. I was just gonna say unless it’s in my mouth. But I was trying to behave myself.

DORIAN Oh wow. Naughty.

Quentin. It happens. Cant be an Angel all the time. So when can I touch you again? I mean, see you.

DORIAN Oh my gosh lol. Tomorrow. If you’d like.

Quentin. I’d love.

DORIAN Cutie. It’s a date then.

Quentin. Wow, I’m so lucky. also a little nervous, ha.

DORIAN Aww, that’s adorable. Nothing to be nervous about, hon. You didn’t seem nervous the other day.

Quentin. I’m always nervous. I’m just really good at hiding it haha

DORIAN Yeah, amazingly good at it because I couldn’t tell that you were nervous at all.

Quentin. Good, you weren’t supposed to be able to tell heh

DORIAN That’s really cute though. But there’s still nothing to be nervous about.

Quentin. of course there is. You could always crush me into a million pieces and then laugh as you watch me try to pick them up

DORIAN Absolutely not. I’ve had that done to me one too many times. I never wanna put anyone else through that.

Quentin. well I’ll beat up anyone who ever tries to hurt you again. I swear

DORIAN Ooh, a man who will fight for me. Hot.

Quentin. Of course I would. You’re definitely worth it

DORIAN Blushing again.

Quentin. you sure I have to wait until tomorrow? I told you I could get impatient. I did tell you that right? Haha

DORIAN I don’t think you mentioned it lol. Our date would have to wait till tomorrow since most restaurants aren’t open and I’m pretty sure you plan on taking me out to eat. But if you wanna see me tonight, you can.

Quentin. Oh, well nvm then haha. That’s fair. I’d love to see you tonight but you can tell me no if you want. It won’t falter my interest

DORIAN you’re welcome to see me tonight. I’d love to see you too.

Quentin. Should I come to you? I’ve been mindlessly starring at the LOTR and laying in bed so I’m free.

DORIAN Yes please, come to me.

Quentin. yessir

DORIAN Good boy.

#text #texts.#chats:discord #chats:dorian #ft.dorian #ft.khai

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years ago

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hmm here’s me talking about su sort of lmao like i said i’m not here to be particularly scentamentle?? just say funney stories....and some opinions.....it’s really been a hot minute and i haven’t been making Long text posts about things so i can throw one out there even if it’s got no thesis statement

also like i said i just so happened to like, actually watch the first ep on actual tv when it actually premiered....all i super remember knowing about it beforehand was like “oh rebecca sugar getting her own series right on” and i was gonna check it out on that alone and then also i remember before it debuted there was an article about it in the wapo in the sort of “local”-ish section b/c it was like. hey this is based in uh yknow the dmv....delmarva area.....this whole Region.....and i (from nova and in nova at that time, and flipping thru the print wapo every day) was like haha. neat. also god damn it was 2013, hell of a year. i can tell you little about it b/c it was so crappy i just like did not bother much with things like “distinct memories” lmfao. great to have like, a weekly thing towards the end of that hot mess (november??? or smthing??) back when....god........it aired weekly.........anyways yeah i was pleasantly surprised from the start i don’t Get when people are like “can’t watch this in order :/ the first few eps don’t sell it well” like okay speak for yourself god dman....more on that later i’m sure lmfao. hot takes

my brother started watching it too just cuz he’s game for shit that way and i was keeping up with it. like i remember i thought cheeseburger backpack was extra fun and i think i showed him a rerun and i remember he thought it was funny lol the Raft Gag......and when i was watching tiger millionaire i kept For Real Laughing and he came over like what is going on.....and i think he was signed on from there........again pretty fun for it to be this weekly thing. also maybe i’m not here to be Sentamental but i was also like “oh no that Spoke to my feelings unexpected :(” during tiger millionaire when amethyst was all “you can’t let anyone make you feel like garbage” and “i only feel how i wanna feel” like guess who was in the early stages of “my self esteem is so crappy it’s starting to circle around into [trying to increase self esteem]”.........like i said hell of a time. though then that’d be 2014 by then i think?? still a hell of a time

started to get “i think i will draw the same character one million times” about it at some point in 2014 too lmfao......every instance of [me drawing the same shit one million times], which is the only way i ever draw anything, then like, benefits whatever i draw later cuz like. sure get some practice out of it. and even though like, it wasn’t quite as huge an Internet Thing as it was gonna get once i started to draw shit, it was already like, classic-me Kinda Niche to be like “hey gang who is going ham about the bored dumbass teens”....not so niche that there weren’t other people going “yeah i am” at any given time tho. and then we put our hands in the middle and go Yeah!! and jump up hsm style. it was also a great time for something Fun and (easier than marble hornets lol) to draw b/c. it simply was a good time for it.....struggling to draw shit back then even more than is like, usual. oh and also i forget but i had sort of Withdrawn from the mh fanbase b/c it got this whole influx of randos after fjsfdking the Video Game we all know the one and i was like. i am gonna.....sidle over here. nobody Likes to be in a fandom actually lmfao. and i mean even while su was getting to be A Whole Thing i was like. bro i am over here in the Donuts section and it is a little quieter and i use the tag sometimes but i’m all set, thanks. still the least Niche niche i’ve been in probably lmfao....see: the fact that probably still way most of my followers are here from su times even tho idk who’s even active still

also had a high time making some great Long Text Posts. i kind of always fail 2 grasp that even as much as my drawings that stuff leads to me actually getting to interact with people, b/c like, those text posts have me actually saying Words in them, which helps lmfao..........i think it’s like, these posts are probably Not That Fun for most people, but then for the people who Are like “oh sweet this is something that i actually want,” that’s obviously a helpful way to find a kindred spirit lmao.....like hey cool you already know i can’t shut up and am opinionated and obviously a lil much? fantastic let’s do this. plus idk it’s fun to Not Shut Up Actually. like, not the biggest deal. ppl can just Scroll Past. or not

speaking of “getting practice Not Shutting Up and Drawing Shit”.......hilarious when in late 2018 i find myself like. oh so you’re telling me this excellent character who is a self-sabotaging struggling-to-know-how-to-cope-with-shit-and-connect-with-others insecure af Teen is not appreciated / ignored / deemed Awful (and then ignored) by the majority of the fanbase?????? hahaha you don’t say....but No Problem. let me just talk about how this person has Complexity actually and is a lot more sympathetic than not and i hate all of you omg like do we have to do all of this ourselves lmfao........guess so, Fine

what am i talking about funny stories who is this funny to lmfao. okay no but okayyy what an experience when the island adventure preview came out and for like the next 4 days i did not experience depression lmao........i Jumped on the opportunity b/c it was like, early fall i wanna say??? i think sept?? 2014 and i was kinda mulling over going to gmx (which was this convention the Marble Hornets gang kept getting invited to & i’d been 2 twice b4 but missed the previous yr coz it was 2013 and i was way not thriving) and yeah jumped on the “depression / (as much) anxiety who???” superpower to Ask if it was cool if i went to a friend’s wedding in georgia for a weekend. there was no friend’s wedding in georgia. and then i went to gmx AND. ironically (not really im sure. idk what irony means and idc) gmx weekend ended up being the same weekend island adventure actually aired and when i left that morning (gmx being in nashville) my lil bro (getting up for school) was like GO GO and i actually made it in time to catch it in the hotel room but. they didn’t have the channel despite it being listed on the channel guide. i about flipped lmfao but i did see it later that weekend and flipped again. gmx was an a-okay time as well lmao that was the last time i made it

they may have never sold a licensed Lars S1 Green/Purple Snake Tee but look when i have this green racerback with a neat snake print & this necklace of purple quartz crystals and also when i was at gmx i bought this necklace with one (non purple, non actual crystals but plastic shaped like it / glossed) pendant In The Spirit Of It All and it gets compliments. anyways the point is. indirectly representing

speaking of crystals = lars i’d just like to reiterate that i’m always right. like sure i was like “look i don’t know how lars could have Crystal Magic in him but something is up with the fact he’s = pink magic flowers with crystals inside them Means Something.” i think it’s reasonable to Not have predicted he dies and gets revived w/ crystal magic that’s in him now. but that’s still a Win for realizing somethings up....tfw as early as like s2 times i’d be like “well the donuts gotta get involved in the center of adventure at Some point and also i Know it is important that steven is just lars’s rly annoying little brother and y/n do you think lars would die to protect him i think he would...” like. i didn’t wanna be That right :/

tfw me and my brother were watching rose’s scabbard while my mom was napping it out in the armchair and like silently Sharing A Look at the whole “she was beautiful” thing like. lol harold

i still don’t know how much of a Thing(tm) magfest is but as far as i can figure it it’s No Comic Con (like, thank god :| ) but still kind of a thing. anyways i learned of it cuz i saw there was gonna be a couple su panel thingies & i looked it up & we were less than an hour away and so it was like midnight but i ask my brother like hey wanna swing by this thing on this one friday. and he was like Sure. so i made it happen and he was 17 so we had to drag our dad to the bank to Notarize a form that he was allowed to be there accompanied by me. it was a big place and it also took us a while to find Registration or whatever and when we tried getting sandwiches later it cost like $7 each go figure. anyways but we were just there for the one Event & there was a room like filled with arcade games and a bunch of other consoles (also Retro though. like old computers n stuff) and they had Galaga, thank fucking god. we 2 playered that shit and wandered around and also 2 playered a game called toobin, which was funny. real gamers know.

when we were in the (pretty long) Line to get into the Panel, i actually like. spotted a then-mutual who i (was pretty sure i) recognized from her occasional selfie lol and who i guess had travelled all the way from the west coast for the weekend. when we were actually Seated she happened to be a couple rows back and both of us on the end of the aisle and i asked my brother if he could read her nametag (to verify lol) and i bopped over to have the cringe and fail exchange of “hey do you have a Tumblr” and then i was like “haha i’m milo i’m ummmwine” and she got up to hug me and then i had to scamper back to my seat cuz shit was starting lol

like my life was not changed by this event but we had fun and. the Hilarious story is that it was also partially a Q&A and i had a Q and my brother encouraged me by again whispering “go go” as soon as the first syllable was spoken implying Line up For Questions.....i was in like, the last idk, haaalf dozen or so ppl who made it to the mic? and look i knew i was gonna be asking a niche question that like 3 other people of the hundreds in the room would care about but So What. deal with it gang, let’s have some Variety. but i was still nervous. and when i’m nervous, i a) Have A Script and b) get even chattier. and right after the person Right In Front Of Me got their answer, i guess it was noticed that it was getting down to the wire so they were like “haha okay lightning round :)” and i was like NO.......GOD..........lmfao like too late im sorry i Can’t make it lightning round. i was muy anxious.....just that, again, hundreds of people there, i have the floor, nobody’s gonna Like my quastion......and they didn’t know the answer (which i figured was v possible lol) so i was like oh no sklfjd hope this entire room doesn’t hate me. i mean of course i didn’t care if they did too much but, Nerves....also im valid, but were the like half dozen people who asked prior to me about shit that would CLEARLY be too spoilery to answer valid????? no lmfao. cmon. that’s what’s Really cringe

well here we ffw a bit b/c Mid To Late 2015 is certainly a time for me and it doesn’t really make for an interesting story so just to tldr it lmao like, got some beautiful moral support from someone as i was makin a Lifestyle Change lol and continued to get beautiful moral support from that same person and i continue to benefit from it....You know who you are!!!! tyvvm....and it occurred to me that the reason i am where i physically am is via someone i met thru su-posting.......which is true of the You Know who you are person too, which is why i brought it up lmao

uhh god not as many Stories after that lol.....def got to engage in “i’m ___ i’m gonna [draw the same character i always draw] so i won’t be so ___” during interesting times lol. love that for me

tbh the uh. Wanted arc was truly one of the best Serial Arcs, just dramatic & solid af and also it’s lars time and for a second i go “god well at least maybe now ppl will acknowledge lars is a gr8 character” and then a second later i go “Oh No they’ll only say he’s a good character *Now*” and that’s exactly what happened lmfao but well we still got as much lars fanart as we ever got outside that couple weeks aftermath... l o l . . . i had to wait One Zillion Years for my little brother to catch up to this b/c. he was watching via hulu i think where like, a full season would come out a good while after the finale. seriously i think it took him almost 2 years. im like dammit lmfao this is What Matters dfslk....fond memories when hulu was free / no login req’d / shit would be available like the day after airing

uhhhHHH crazy how this show muscled through the weird scheduling change where it was like “no weekly eps Only Erratic Hiatuses”......ppl were so foolishly Into the first “5 eps in a row” release and i was like “no i don’t like this” and then a year later i was like “you see. You See.” rip

i think we can even ffw to sutm at that point lol....im like im in this for lars okay lmfao kinda Shrugggg @ things by this point lol like finale shminale. where’s he at. and i really wasn’t paying a world of attention to like, prior-to-release lore n announcements so i was just plunged into this chaos of like sorry???? excuse me?? of all the people in the world sarah stiles?????? lfsdj like noooo don’t show me these tweets lmfao......truly it’s fine i’m being Hilarious but it’s also very real that like, when i see things like “showtime(tm)” or “SHO” or “billions content” i’m just doused with Dread b/c i hate this series lmao i swear to christ. but it’s really Fine lmfao like. i was kinda “eh :/” to “yea this is alright” about the rest of it but spinel was The Highlight lmfao and having $50 to go ham on her animation was great but really the voice acting Made It.....like the entire takeaways was uh the other friends sequence and fuckin uhh this part. fuck it up ms. stiles........hit it out of the park..........cain was the first funny bitch and spinel was the second. that thought just came to me and i will not elaborate. call that a revelation. oh and also it was a relief cuz i was like “i s2g if this Antagonist is like, aquamarine-style annoying af....i will die” but No. spinel is annoying af in another way which is her rights and i don’t want to die about it lmfao. she’s good.......i don’t even resent the “how come whenever some rando shows up ready to literally kill everyone for no good reason, all of you are ready to be like ‘wow an icon’ and we can’t have 10% of that energy for the teen who’s kinda bitchy b/c he’s annoyed by life and crap???” thing b/c i mean, she had her whole Arc all at once and also is good enough for it i think. the nadir was when the one rando shows up for like One episode like “i Don’t want to kill everyone :3 syke >:)” and for some reason people were like “omg iconic. call them on their ‘don’t kill everyone’ bullshit” like lol i hate you guys

well i like lars’s [last outfit we see him in] and i feel like it only backs up the bi agenda. another epic gamer moment had been when it became a Popular Hc that lars is trans b/c he is lmao. and everyone was all “why is everyone sayign this why would you want him to be trans he sucks” like get good grandma!!!!!!!! it’s too late. well that’s the end of my post. me in 2014 being like “wow way to have something to keep up with b/c now i have to outlive it to get all the dnads content i guess” and here i am. but it’s almost April 2020 so. haha

hmm what’s a less ominous ending. oh shit another thing that was funny is i was like So about these Skull Plugs featured in this semi-official drawing of lars once and then horror club came out (fun b/c i like horror) and had the skull plugs for Real & they were glow in the dark. that was a big day for me even seeing the promos lmfao. except then i guess it was foreshadowing, so again i end this with Death. don’t we all

wait no lsfdjs What tf was matthew moy talking about “i like your hair.” dude dropping an i-guess cut line on us lmfao. alright alright im done

#not as long as i thought it'd be!!! i don't have many engaging stories to say lol and like i said. not here to get. sedimental #that unfortunate Lightning Round incident lmfao......rip my ass. it was fine i was just like. [screams inside]#god.......what a uhh six and a half years six and a half years are. s/o to. Lars #oh i never ''more on this later'''d that one point. what a tragedy right lmao. i was just like. ppl Can simply watch the eps in order tho...#a concept i was not into lmfao. ess em aitch. i was never here for Lore okay

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comicteaparty · 4 years ago

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July 4th-July 10th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from July 4th, 2020 to July 10th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What was an unexpected aspect of making webcomics you didn’t realize before making one yourself?

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

How much our comic and it's story we're going to change during the years of creation was the biggest and most jarring aspect for sure. There's scripts and thumbs that were all made before we ventured out to make GJS with paths completely different from what we initially thought we would take that have completely changed how we approach not only writing but reading webcomics too. Webcomics as a medium have the biggest connection to time, whether it be production or the consumption, they have this opportunity to exist and transform in the long hours it takes to enjoy and read them. It's honestly one of the biggest advantages imho. To see a story slowly unfold, listening to ur audience reactions, peer critiques, or new inspiration can make such a drastic and intense impact on a long form work- its both jaw dropping and humbling to be apart of!(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

For me it was the community aspect of comics. I knew a community existed on the reader side of things (comments!), but I didn't expect the creator side to be how it is! I don't know why, but for some reason I kind of always thought that all of us were sort of throwing our comics out from the void... I guess that was me looking at comics from a reader's point of view! But as soon as I started making comics, I started meeting people who made them too... and it's been incredible!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@deo I never really understood what an internet community or internet friends were until I started making a webcomic

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, I had been in (and quickly decided to not be in 0_0) gaming communities, but nothing really as wonderful as what I've found through comics. Closest I had gotten other than that was comments on social media

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

Community definitely one of the big things, much like Deo pointed. I was kinda expecting to have get connections through readers, but it's much more with other creators, which is super satisfying in it's own way. Also gonna second Krispy's comment about how time affects how you see your story's past and future. A lot of things changed in the past four years that made my comic change as well and having so much time to think each individual scene allows them to be much more complex and interesting than they would when I first thought them through. Having the time really helps. This also kinda touches the topic of personal change too, which affects how I write and what feels most important to focus on and that's interesting to think about as well

eliushi [Keyspace]

How long things will take, the longer the story goes on! I started out being able to complete a page in 2h but then I found more I wanted to try on each page (colours, layout, composition etc) and even wanted to extend certain scenes. With 500 pages planned, I definitely thought I’d be farther along by now, heading into AWT’s first year anniversary in a month. That being said, I’m also enjoying the ride and it’s all thanks to the great community here and making connections with other comics folks/readers. I never expected to get comments and so each one has been a treasure to read.

Desnik

An unexpected aspect of making webcomics is how much people respond to them. I figured I'd be creating into a void but I met so many people as a result of publishing my dinosaur comic

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Ditto on the webcomic community. I didn't realize how far reaching it was to have a community that supports each other. And I've enjoyed meeting so many wonderful and creative people who raised each other up. Another thing I didn't expect, however, was how invested I got into my comic.(edited)

At first I was doing it mostly for fun. But the more I delved into it, the easier it was to get sucked into my story and want to draw it out. And as a result taking it a lot more seriously.

Desnik

yeah sometimes I miss my dinosaur comic even though I had some pretty good reasons for moving on. It was created out of desperation and evolved into something that made me feel good about myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

How much work and time it takes to keep a weekly update going with no backlog

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah same

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.

eliushi [Keyspace]

Making comics became a lifestyle for me

@Haruh2 (Colony Life) When I had no backlog I was updating every two weeks with 7 pages per update; so about 14h of work. But this is with a finished script. I am also told I work fast.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

omg

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

That's soooo much, Eli!

That's at least twice as much as I do (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I hadn't realized how much I put myself into my comic! My friends who read it have all said that it's incredibly in my voice and reflects my opinions and worldviews Before I shared it with people I hadn't thought of it in that way at all

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

As an artist, I didn't expect how my comic production and mindset will change. Once I started comics, it brought out my ideas from thoughts to a physical form. I start to invest more time into it. Each project evolved through each chapter. How to balance script writing to a polished piece. I put alot of time and research in my works. It makes me glad to hear other creators do the same. I'm not the crazy artist who's wasting her time. One of the positive change was meeting other creators, how we give advice and receive praise.(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

The support has been amazing. It makes the work less lonely

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Fish, oh for sure! I didn't realize until recently how much my characters are all just facets of myself!

eliushi [Keyspace]

(I don’t work that quickly anymore and I’m making big changes to the format soon so it’s going to be a Transition)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I've been in school with art students who never made comics, so when I came to CTP discord, reading comic discussions. It was comforting and fun. I enjoy the cooperation our group has, helping each other.

eliushi [Keyspace]

I like to commiserate about the unique challenges comics have

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Hahaha, yeahhhhh

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I agree, it's different from illustrations. Different approach(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

I am perpetually balancing time spent on a panel vs how much time the reader will spend on it

Vs illustration: lemme make all the details

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Oh I agree, each panel takes longer than it takes to read it. Hence I dislike when readers call manga creators 'lazy'

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

how much time does it take to read one of my pages?

20 seconds?(edited)

haha

e.e

wait is that emoji supposed to be someone rolling their eyes??

i jsut looked it up

i might've been using it wrong this whole time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Pacing

It's way different than in novels, and definitely came as a shock at the start

eliushi [Keyspace]

Yeah have to play to the strength of the medium. Still imagining AWT as an animated movie written from a novel, in the format of a comic

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Haha, same kinda

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

@eliushi [Keyspace] ah haha, that makes me feel better about my update habits, but thats a good goal for me to shoot for now that im learning a new way to make long comics specifically

cAPSLOCK (Tailslide)

I completely underestimated the amount of effort that would have to go into formatting, website design and maintenance, etc. If I got to do it again, a little more research beforehand probably would’ve saved me a lot of time and hassle.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I really overestimated the "if you build it they will come" aspect of webcomics lol. Like, you actually have to work to advertise your comic in order for people to read it. Nobody ever got hundreds of readers just from posting their comic onto some hosting site without doing major marketing work.(edited)

dako

yeah, I feel that

I've never really been an advertising type before my comic, im learning to just get used to it

Deo101 [Millennium]

I've not really done much advertising tbh, it makes me uncomfortable

dako

it feels kinda...embarrassing? might be too harsh of a word

i dunno

Deo101 [Millennium]

its just uncomfortable idk! i feel awkward doing it

dako

yeah, same ive done it a few times on reddit but i have to force myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

it does feel, odd..hell most of the time it just feels like i open the door to my house and toss a bunch of paper to the wind hoping someone can see it

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah, I dont know if ive done anything other than posting updates on twitter and talking about it in groups like this

and twitter is mostly just me talkin to people who already read it...

idk talking about my work without being asked first makes me feel like im inserting myself where im not allowed

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Self promo got MUCH less intimidating for me when I started thinking of it like: "okay, so my comic is made for readers like me, people who share my tastes. That means I only need to answer one question: what can I say to get me to check out this comic? I don't need to impress anyone else. I just need to appeal to me." (since "me" is my target audience)

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm ^^

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

But take it with a grain of salt because I'm still not really promoing

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

exactly, thats why i find it hard to tweet about it most of the time, but i get the whole if i dont care about to talk without being asked no one else will either

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah lmao mood im like what would get me to read... hmmm... probably exactly what im doing.... I'll keep it up then :)

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea i get excited to draw out certain parts..but wouldnt want to just tweet about all the little tidbits of the story ruining it for others

Deo101 [Millennium]

sweats

dako

i made a whole side twitter for my comic cuz talking about it on my main intimidated me too much

it is my containment chamber

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

hm may do that, just to say i did it and to get my mind away from the thought

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

yeah same

Deo101 [Millennium]

My main is just whatever I want it to be idk. Its kinda for all my comics, since my comics are all I want to talk about

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

though my main is mostly just retweeting from my side twitter lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

it removes a lot of the pressure of like what if my followers dont wanna see this??

cause they wouldnt be here if they didnt wanna see it

cause its all Ive been doing the whole time

dako

thats a good point

i had my main way before my comic so most of my mutuals/followers dont follow for that

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea, it can feel abit disorienting when there is no interaction one way or another on anything you tweet (also if twitter has messed up and causes your tweets to not show up)

Deo101 [Millennium]

but yeah I dont really advertise cause it just makes me so uncomfortable >.<

dako

understandable

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm kind of somewhere in between. I advertise my comic mostly because it is all I wanna talk about, like Deo. But I also don't think it's gotten me many readers. Most of my readers came as far as I can tell because I was making something that appealed to them. (The whole "if you build it, they will come" thing.) Although, I really don't have a big audience, I do have an audience, and I am certain most of them came from me just posting.

I think it's determined a lot by luck, and also, how big your niche's audience is to begin with (and some skill tbh).

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah like I think "gay sci fi" is a p big niche so ive got a big amount of people I could potentially reach

which makes it much easier to draw people in

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm particularly lucky, I guess, that fantasy/romance has a lot of readers (also more competition, but...)

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah fantasy romance is a damn big one

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

eh i think im in an awkward void with my action/drama story (since im not doing romance drama)

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I just go with the mindset: "what makes my fantasy/romance different from the rest" and go from there.

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm

tbh I dont think my sci fi romance is doing anything special?

but im having fun so :) I dont rlly care about that hahahha

dako

having fun the most important thing

Deo101 [Millennium]

its not my goal to make somthing mindblowing ^^ truley im just here for a good time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I mean, LGBT+-inclusive sci-fi is pretty unique

I haven't seen a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's clear that your characters are people, and that's special, regardless of how common/uncommon

dako

think if i didnt love my comic as much as i do id have stopped a long time ago

Deo101 [Millennium]

thats true keiiii, thank you <3

also yeah its Sad that theres not more LGBT+ sci fi cause its like youve got aliennnssssssssssssssssssss you can do whatever you waaaaaant

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I knooowww

Deo101 [Millennium]

guess it shows what ppl want or something

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

yup

Deo101 [Millennium]

off topic

so to make it back on topic

I underestimated how much people would like gay sci fi GJKLAGJLAJLKAGJSLAKGJKL

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

One thing I learned specifically with my current comic... I did not realize how much difference the reader's cultural background would make in terms of interpreting my story.

Deo101 [Millennium]

!!!!!

I actually almost mentioned you in class once tbh keiii

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Big oversight, in retrospect

Deo101 [Millennium]

saying "someone I know makes a comic which they noticed, it's interpreted completely differently just depending on cultural backgrounds" kind of a thing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like I would not have made the comic any different, but I would have approached the... presentation differently. Like, talk about it differently

Deo101 [Millennium]

cause we were talking about how narratives affect rt

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I guess another thing that was unexpected about making webcomics was... there are way more people with my exact tastes than I thought

Deo101 [Millennium]

and I was saying that I think the viewer's narrative affects art more than the artists narrative

I mean, the artists narrative obviously is what makes it so.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

In the eyes of the beholder

Deo101 [Millennium]

but interpretations and all that... yeah!!!

so. actually I might have offhandedly mentioned you I cant remember if I did or not

lemme check

I did! very like "second hand" offhandedly mentioning though ahaha

hope that doesnt make you uncomfortable GSKLGSJALGJLGK no one replied to me so e.e

in the class I mean

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I am super uncomfortable and offended !!!!!

j/k

Deo101 [Millennium]

hgjkghsjkagskajgdhsakgjhgjd

but... yeah idk starting out I truly just was making it cause I really love my characters a lot, the idea that other people would like them too is very unexpected :) in a good way

I also definitely didnt expect how important enviornments were e.e

didnt plan those well enough.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

that relatable feel

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I really desperately advertise my comic everywhere. I don't really know how to do marketing effectively though & I don't know if its working

eliushi [Keyspace]

I find what increased readership most consistently is still the feature aspect from the hosting sites. It’s really about finding the right readers/right readers finding you

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Same, I'm basically a rounding error away from being 100% reliant on the features for subs

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I don't think my comic has ever been featured on the hosting sites. My numbers have always been low on Tapas and maybe thast why

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, features help a lot

I've been featured on Webtoon, but not Tapas, and you can really see the difference in readership there

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ive been featured on both, uhh in a couple of diff places, if you wanted a breakdown of how many readers i got from the diff spots and stuff ever just lmk im happy to share

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've been featured on both. It certainly got people to check it out and even sub, but retaining those people (even if they've subbed!!!) is a different story. I think my story is just not the right type for the platforms, but eh, even if 99% of the platform users aren't into the kinda thing I'm making, 1% increase is still an increase.

Which is another thing I learned over the course of running this comic, specifically (since the internet has changed so much after my first two attempts). Just because the majority of your subs don't actually read the comic, doesn't mean your work sucks. Today's internet caters to casual users, and there's a bajillion factors affecting who's actually reading your stuff.

dako

i agree

my comic has never been featured on either, and webtoons doesnt have a guideline on what they pick but tapas does and my comic doesnt really meet their featuring requirements so i dont think either site ever will feature mine haha

so i gotta advertise on reddit and use twitter tags a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Don't go too crazy with twitter tags; they can make people zone out and not look at your tweet.

dako

i try to use 5 at the most, i know too many is unpleasant to look at haha

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh huh, my rule of thumb is to use 1-2 on twitter and as many as I can on Insta but I’m no expert lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, IG seems to be where you want all the tags XD

varethane

Webtoon's algorithms are like turning a hose on and off lol

The difference between views and sub growth during periods of being featured vs not is stark(edited)

carcarchu

i've never been featured by webtoons but i've seen series grow from 100 followers to 10k overnight

not an exaggeration

varethane

I put my new comic on webtoon in november 2019, and in 1 month I crawled up to.... maybe 50 subs?(granted I only put up one episode and then paused for a bit)

Then in December I started updating it weekly and got placed in the new and hot section of the app

And bam, 6k subs

It last 2 weeks and then the section updated and all growth stopped, and subs went down by 10 or so over the next week

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

(Omg featured is like the new Daily Deviation goals from DA way back in the day!)

varethane

Until it got another feature on a different part of the website and went up another 2k. It was like playing with the handle on a faucet lol

dako

I got some pretty good growth during canvas week, but beyond that not really

I get 1-2 subs after an update if I'm lucky

varethane

I feel like their algorithms are very reliant on the regular rotation of features that staff have to do manuallt

Outside of that, discoverability is quite weak

Mostly because of the volume of comics on there

boogeymadam

same boat as vare. the only thing i know about webtoons features is they have stated a couple times one of their recquirements is consistant updating, so if u skip a week that disqualifies u for a lil while i imagine

varethane

I wonder what they count as consistent. I was doing every 2 weeks for awhile, but this month I'm gonna try weekly to see if it helps me earn more $$ from ads :U

dako

I wish there was more incentive for readers to check out the new section on webtoons and tapas

carcarchu

i have found some amazing gems in the new section

i swear i've seen stuff in featured that were not at all updated consistently

dako

I have too, there's a ton of good comics that get overlooked because they're not in the front page

some featured comics havent updated in months sometimes

varethane

I definitely would not have considered myself consistent at the time of the first feature, considering there was a gap of a month between episode 1 and 2 lpl

carcarchu

the consistently updating thing is more of a recommendation than a requirement i feel?(edited)

boogeymadam

ooohh good to know!!

varethane

I'm sure it cant be a hard rule, especially for comics that have just launched

boogeymadam

im just going off their canvas qna's from last year

dako

if it's actually a hard rule for staff to feature comics that regularly update they break that rule a lot

i also heard a bot picks up comics too

carcarchu

well i at least think the staff or bots or whatever at webtoons are doing a better job with features than tapas is

tapas is always pushing their premium comics way more than their indie stuff

boogeymadam

tapas needs to bring new comics onto the frontpage more often than it does, yeah

dako

yeah I agree

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I mean, I get why they put premium on the front page. But I feel more variety would help them because it's more interesting for the readers?

dako

I can't tell whats premium or not with tapas sometimes

boogeymadam

i do like that they've been asking stuff like this in the forums tho

carcarchu

more distinction would be helpful to me too dako

i don't think its as clear as it could be

dako

yeah, webtoons at least it's clear what is and what isnt featured or canvas

Jib {WIP haha}

Huh, anyone remember that really popular writing podcast? I forgot the name

Or have any recommendations I guess

Moral_Gutpunch

Terrible writing advice? It's sarcastic

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

is this related to the topic?

Moral_Gutpunch

It's a podcast about writing, so I'm going to say yes.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think snuffysam meant the weekly topic for the channel

Moral_Gutpunch

Just for this channel, no. I'm too new to know that.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Please check #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Sound more like someone forgot context than the rules

That's why I'm hardly here. I don't know stuff people who've been here for a long time know like podcasts or older comics(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Basically each of the channels under "CTP Activities" on this server has its own topic of the week.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

It's not a matter of being here for a long time or not. This channel is used solely for discussing the weekly topics, and such information can be found in #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Kudos then. I came for creator babble only.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

For general webcomic creation-related advice (either seeking or giving) and such, #shop_talk usually is the place!

creator_babble is for answering the topic of the week

It's not actually for generalized "creator babble" despite the name.

dako

looks like they left

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh my bad, it’s been a while since I read the rules, I brought up the new subject

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Happens!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

No problem, we were just reminding you all :)

Jib {WIP haha}

Ty for that then haha

dako

I think one unexpected thing for me is that no one tells you how crazy the highs and lows can be

well I guess people do but you really don't know until the highs and lows happen to you if that makes sense

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Oh God, that's so true

Burnout is way more dreadful than I could ever guess prior to experiencing it

Feather J. Fern

One unexpected thing for me was how many people I would meet because of my comic. It surprised me greatly that I found so many cool people through the comic community and made the friends I have made now. Love you all

rajmews

The unexpected thing for me was just how much you have to just...predict...what the market will want to read. Like even if you research a whole lot, and you draw really well, and have been doing art professionally, you can still strike out. It's a humbling experience, but being able to just let go of poorly received pages and move on and try things differently is a lot of the battle for doing a webcomic. It teaches you how to fail gracefully because...it's all a process of learning your readers better. Even if they're few at first.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

My major unexpected thing was how much my initial ideas change as I work through a page. Everything from the expressions, dialogue, and layout can change as I look at it and 'solve' it more closely than I did in thumbnails. There are pages I look back on and realize they are ENTIRELY different than what I had first sketched. And they're better for it. Allowing myself the freedom to edit during the artwork... it's created some majorly awesome opportunities.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yes!!!!! Me too!!!

It's exciting thoufh

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Absolutely same

Could plan something out meticulously but then change it in the last 2 secs before uploading

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yup... I don't thumbnail much ahead of where I'm at cause of this(edited)

I thumbnail a scene at a time, and then usually I end up changing stuff halfway through ahahfjjdkskdkss

varethane

Same hat, haha. I often make changes at every stage-- even the thumbnails will often depart from the script. If anything, I wish I made even more changes-- I feel like my page layouts tend to be pretty standard, I do a lot of pages with the 3 rows of 2 panels each, and I want to break out of that more. But... well, that's a work in progress.

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble

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ralfstrashcan · 6 years ago

Text

3x20 Reaction / Commentary

I wonder why, considering it wasn't hard at all. They barely had a plan and even had time to include some personal drama in their fight. Wtf. The only thing I can imagine why no one ever managed to kidnap her before is because no one wanted to have a hostage as irritating as the seelie queen.

Hahahahahaha hilarious. Also, lol, no I'm choosing not to think of the implications because they are TOO DISTURBING, YOU HEAR ME @intezaarlily XD XD XD

HAHAHA I CAN'T THE WAY SHE PETULANTLY SHAKES HER HEAD

I mean, compelling argument. And very fitting since we learned from that Lilith Debacle that the Shadowhunters' go to solution for everything and anything is torture. But what I find way more interesting is that we finally get a good look at the side of the seelie queen's crown.

's pretty.

There's so much to unpack in this scene. Which I'm gonna do, in excruciating detail. In a relationship analysis post thingy, not here, because time and space reasons. Just know that this scene is absolutely amazing, their facial expressions and gestures, and of course the pretzel. Dammit, so amazing. Can't wait to fawn over it all.

I'm with Meliorn on this one. Just because Lanaia committed a violation of the Accords (yes, on behalf of the seelie queen but the shadowhunters have no way of knowing that and I guess Meliorn wasn't stupid enough to tell them that) doesn't mean Clary can violate the Accords back and go unpunished. That's not how a legal system works. It's clear that with this whole operation the shadowhunters valued Clary's life over that of however may seelie guards' it would have taken to keep Jace's cover and get Clary back. I bet you Alec is aware of that and that's why he has that pinched look on his face the whole time. And while he argues pro shadowhunter side with that injection about Lanaia and he tries to placate Meliorn, he noticable doesn't try to justify Jace's actions at all, and whenever Jace does, Alec closes his eyes as if he's thinking “Dude don't you realize that's not an argument.”

And then he just wants to leave???? Hahaha creep

HAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD COMEDIC GOLD. The way he delivers that line I can't!!! The way he says “naturrrrrr” hahaha delicious.

Uh if that's the smartest move? Who knows what kind of kinky shit Meliorn will demand in return?? I mean, just look at his smirk. Also, in case this doesn't get addressed again this is such a ficlet waiting to be written lol.

The way Alec immediately starts almost-crying when someone mentions Magnus pulls on my heartstrings. Fragile darling boy.

I mean, I'm pretty sure Alec carrying the ring around in his pocket was for meta reasons so he could give it to Maryse in their only scene together, but dammmnnn the in universe implications. Ouch.

I'm really going to miss this XD

“My” door??? My ass.

“Alec and I are no longer.”

lsjfkasdjflksdjfsdjflskdjf I CAN'T HAHAHHAAH HIS FACE

Hahahahha please Lorenzo stop, I feel like I shouldn't be laughing so much XD Isn't this episode supposed to be Super Dramatic? I'm actually having the time of my life so far XD

XD XD XD XD XD

Okay and now I'm back to rage because wtf!!!! So Magnus is aware that Lorenzo's jurisdiction is limited and tiny, why didn't he remember that literally anytime before this, for example in 3x10?? Just imagine it, if Magnus had done that fancy ritual thingy he wouldn't have even needed to trade his magic away. Oh right, problem identified. There wouldn't have been some Prime Drama if he'd behaved like a sensible person. Ugh.

The way Lorenzo's face falls upon hearing Asmodeus is priceless. But, uh, important question, how the hell does he know Asmodeus's face? Or does he identify him by his powers? Then again he failed identifying Asmodeus's power signature before already (3x02) so uuhhhh I need answers.

Magnus Bane, finally enjoying the Draco Malfoy Way Of Life. I mean, that's not really rebutting Lorenzo's claim. The opposite, in fact. Also wtf does Lorenzo have for nerves to say that to Asmodeus's face???

So this is not common warlock practice. Thanks for clarifying. Also, look at Asmodeus's smug face when Magnus references Edom hahaha #ProudDad

THE SASS HAHAHA (btw for a moment I was worried he'd turnd him into a plastic lizard until it moved haha)

Also this means, the person Magnus trashes later in the loft with the whips, as seen in the promo, is Asmodeus?? Because he learns of his deal with Alec?? Or tbh, I've been entertaining the thought that it's Alec ahahaha

Also, Asmodues saying “When they hear about what?” has the same energy as Loki saying “I'm listening” in Avengers 1.

Yeah I still have questions about that. But sure, whatever. Then again, if Jordan is so long-fingered he could start a career as pickpocket. Sounds like a stable income job to me.

See, the problem here is that this isn't fixing any of Maia's problems. Apart from the fact that currently she has no problems to fix as far as I'm concerned (the dead pack won't be miraculously resurrected if she becomes human) her issues with her family aren't due to her being a werewolf. She's adjusted to her life as a werewolf and if you ask me, she's grown to love it and she doesn't want to go back. Hell, she wanted to become alpha. She's working on building her own pack now. Someone who hates being a werewolf wouldn't do that. Very obviously, his line of reasoning makes sense for Jordan because he can't forgive himself for turning and abandoning Maia, which he views as ruining her life. So by reversing it he could finally start to atone for what he did. Perfectly ic, but very frustrating because as I pointed out, this won't benefit Maia in any way, it'll just create drama between the two of them. (And frankly, while I moderately care about both of them, I'd rather have Malec on my screen. Sue me.)

Uh-huh, so some werewolf praetor spy with binoculars saw that Jordan stole the vial from the Institute but Izzy and Simon, who were literally in the same room didn't. No questions, your honor. Also ngl, since I knew this scene from the sneak peek already and couldn't care less about Luke's stupid Praetor plotline I skipped this scene XD #sorry not sorry

I know a lot of people were relieved Clary didn't make out with Jonathan and I'm honestly so surprised why people would assume in the first place there was any risk for that. Despite the Evil Rune taking hold she's still aware of her feelings, for example her love for Jace etc. So why would she suddenly be into incest?

Hehehehe the likelyhood of Asmodeus getting trashed in that loft is growing XD (Also please appreciate how I'm keeping my salt about Maryse's “I love you” under wraps, I'm amazed at my self restraint.)

I mean, I was really surprised by a character actually taking action, trying their hand at communication like this. I am impressed. The thing that I slightly dislike is that it's Maryse. She didn't have all the info about the deal Alec made with Asmodeus and a) Izzy had and I really, really expected her to do something about that instead of just letting Alec wreck his life and, to a good part, Magnus's as well, and b) if even Maryse, without even knowing for sure that Magnus's magic returned after Alec broke up with him, could put two and two together, why the hell didn't Magnus??

I can half buy that with his issues and insecurites striking harder than ever, amplyfied by the severe grief of his magic loss, he'd fall for Alec's lies because to him Alec loving him the way he did was too good to be true anyway, and their relationship wasn't long enough for Magnus to really get used to the idea that he gets to keep this. It's obvious in the way he always keeps his eyes closed after they kiss, this moment of disbelieve that this is actually real. So Alec breaking up with him wouldn't be an unreastic thing, it would be reality finally catching up with them, it'd be the universe rightening itself.

But, I only half buy it. Because even if Magnus had doubts about himself and his worth, how the hell could he revisit all those memories in 3x19 where Alec was dropping wedding vows left and right, and not realize that something about Alec was off there. Anyway, dwelling on this is pointless because what's done is done, but it's a very weak explanation and very convenient, story telling wise.

Hahahha love me some common sense. Maia has tons of it. Makes her so likable.

Listen, I like Jordan, but I can't even feel any sympathy in the face of all this stupidity. Just take the frakkin vial yourself, idiot. Humans don't die from silver poisoning. And it's clear that you're struggling with your werewolf-dom to hell and back. This would literally solve all of their problems wtf. But God forbid anyone ever act reasonable on this show. Goddammit.

Hahahha so rude. *Loki Voice* WHO PUT HIM THERE??? Another missing scene ficlet dying to be written XD Also, does Lorenzo still have his consciousness or was his mind reduced to that of a lizard? Will it be restored when he's transformed back? Is that even possible or was that transformation irreversible? Will he remember his time as a lizard? Or is Lorenzo as we know and love to hate him gone forever? So many questions.

Bitch you didn't, you had to be TOLD

I find it amazing that Asmodues tries to argue with Magnus even though his evil plan was uncovered. He really doesn't get it, does he? That Magnus likes his life and doesn't want to be in Edom?

I am reeling. What a frikkin powermove, disposing of him like that, and with his own invention no less. Talk about a dead ass capable character who could trash everyone in his way. Honestly I'm still processing. This is so radical wtf. So I'm never gonna get another scene with Asmodeus?? Please I wanted more of them!! I am so helplessly in love with their dynamic. 5 bucks say he was supposed to come back in S4 I WAS SO DEPRIVED OH GOD!!!!!

Edit: Yeah, this was actually supposed to be a setup for a Dark!Magnus plotline, with Asmodeus playing a big role in S4. They changed that and cut this short, here's the article I got this from. We were so robbed. I can't.

“Hurry, away from this Shadowhunter Nonsense. Honestly, that they can never solve their shit issues in their own fugly ass Institute but have to do it on our beautifully groomed frontyard. The disrespect.”

WOW IZZY'S WEARING FLAT SHOES FOR THE OCCASION CAN YOU BELIEVE IT

Also that fighting is awesome and all (Alec as a tactical advantage, Jace “betraying” his position as a ploy, color me impressed) but doesn't Clary have to stab Jonathan for it to work?? Or is it enough if one of the bondmates is stabbed with the sword?? And since Fake Glorious is super instable etc. and will likely be destroyed in the process they shouldn't take any chances and make sure it really works the first time around.

I get that this is supposed to be dramatic but sorry, I don't buy for one second that 3 Months Shadowhunter Newby Clary manages to get one over Izzy who's been literally trained since birth (yeah that was a quote from Arthur because I'm total Merlin Trash) and she's their best fighter ever and could beat Jace and Alec at the same time with the flick of a wrist while blindfolded. Please. Oh my god. Maybe because she always fights with her whip she's not too used to a sword. Then again she also uses a staff and she still was trained since birth so no, I'm still not buying it.

Hahahahah nice one, Simon.

“That's my plan, you can bet on it, bet on it, bet on it....”

why I mean, this was a conscious choice on producers' part, right. So I'm demanding an explanation. What's the point of this weirdly edited grunt?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA SAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Hm, they don't fold too nicely. But all in all, pretty solid wing work.

?????? This makes no sense since, prior to this half season, he wasn't tethered to Clary. Wtf. For all intents and purposes, Jonathan should be dropping dead to the ground since he was using Clary's life force to be alive, remember, he was literally killed to death before. Only their bond was keeping him alive. This makes no sense whatsoever. But anyway, that was a pretty impressive departure.

Yeah, how about you get the f outta there now, Simon.

H-e-a-l-i-n-g r-u-n-e. Honestly. Wtf.

Also, Izzy pushing Simon to the ground was a little stupid, he could have vampire-run out of the explosion's perimeter easily. If he had a few brain cells. Okay, problem identified, I take everything back, Izzy made the right call.

And I guess Alec's just chilling over there on the forrest ground. He deserves that break, man.

Just force it down Jordan's throat omg. If he still dies, whatever, good for him, he got what he wanted. If not then he can maybe start facing his Maia-shaped issues in a constructive way.

Maia giving it to Luke makes no sense. How the f does he want to “get rid of it” wtf. If I were Maia I'd just pour it in the river or idk, burry it somewhere. Lock it in a safe, throw away the key. Or better yet, keep an eye on it. But sure, Luke who just learned the Praetor are full of shit is gonna give it to them?? I mean, the thought must have crossed his mind that maybe they didn't heal Jordan as a punishment for failing that Heidi mission? Since apparently it's common werewolf knowledge that the Praetor is able to cure a silver poisoning? Jordan wouldn't have said that if they didn't have a cure for it, right? If Luke honestly gives them that vial, he'll be dead to me. I fully expect him to try and blackmail the Praetor with it or something, but if he doesn't istg.

You're on thin effing ice, man.

Aahhhhh yeah how very convenient. Also rude, they stole Jonathan's home :C Also technically she shouldn't be able to do that because it's demon travel and she no longer has a connection to demon blood.

Yeah and they also steamrolled whatever room was there before they parked that big ass apartment there. Congrats.

“You barely got your licence to drive a car, much less whatever that was.”

hahahaha

ALEC'S FACE HAHAHAHAHA I LOVE ONE 100% DONE MAN

Hell yeah logic!! But lol I genuinely don't think Jace or Simon thought of that when they were unhelpfully patting her back.

.........? How is Simon there then? This isn't even sarcasm, I genuinely don't get it.

This was cute and all, but she didn't actually activate her iratze wtf. Or wash off her blood.

Dude wtf Maia

I mean come on, this is so obvious to top off their drama.

Yep, I called it. Seriously, you don't leave a person on the brink of death alone for literally this reason. And before you tell me she was just getting some food to lighten the mood from her way back from the bridge, there was still tons of daylight then and this is at least several hours later. I am sorry, but I feel zero sympathy.

1) Where do those surviving werewolves besides Bat come from? 2) What does mundane police have to say about this public cremation? 3) I remember this shot of Maia walking away from the fire from the 3B Trailer. So rude.

ALSO I'M MORE THAN READY FOR SOME MALEC CONTENT WTF MAN

NO. NO I DO NOT BUY. EITHER THE WINGS ARE STILL THERE OR HIS JACKET IS RIPPED TO PIECES BUT YOU DON'T GET TO PRETEND THEY MAGICALLY APPEAR ON TOP OF HIS CLOTHES WTF He's not Miley Cyrus from that one music video. (Can't be Tamed, if you're wondering.)

0 bucks say he caught them making out, honestly this was so obvious.

This rang deep. Really great moment. I can't really put it into words, but this had such an impact. A real warrior feel to it. Amazing.

“No obviously we don't but c'mon, work with me here.”

I can't possibly put into words the love I'm feeling for one (1) extra warlock.

He finally got it. My poor murderous incest baby. Too bad this means Clary lost her only bargaining chip.

NOOOO IT'S NOT, YOU WERE RAISED BY VAL IN A HUT AND THEN LIVED AT THE NY INSTITUE, THE ONLY TIME YOU VISITED ALICANTE WAS OWL'ED OUT OF YOUR MIND TO KILL IMOGEN WHAT THE HELL HAHAHA

I love how he delivers this line. It's his goodbye because there's no making it out of there alive, and the last thing of importance he has to say is a love confession to Clary. Very nice delivery.

ahahahahah okay this was a nice echoing of Jace's other love confession, but all I could focus on was how frakkin red Clary's hand is hahaha

I love everything about this, okay. I love how Alec just gives in because he couldn't stand to be apart from Magnus for one more second. I love how this is reminiscent of their first kiss at Alec's fail wedding. (Btw can you believe we're gonna start and end Malec with a kiss at a wedding and a wedding kiss? The poetry.) I love the backdrop, the absolute destruction. Love Izzy in her rightful place in the first row since she's the Captain of the MS Malec.

I really appreciate that they bothered with an explanation why Magnus needs to go to Edom at all, but, uh, if memory serves right he closed a rift to Edom in 2x19 and it was no big deal. I'd buy that this rift is larger or more powerful because it was created by the Morgenstern Sword but just because I can find an explanation that this task is harder than one Magnus already accomplished onscreen with relative ease doesn't mean it's not the Show’s duty to deliver an explanation of its own accord instead of letting fans pick through their worldbuilding and figuring out something that makes sense. A simple “You closed rifts before, from Earth.” - “This rift is too large” would have been enough. Is that too much to ask.

GOD MAGNUS WHY THAT WORDING I HAD TO THINK OF LORENZO WTF MAN WHY YOU MAKE ME THINK OF LORENZO WHHHYYYYYYYY

When he lifted his hand in that slow deliberate move I was SO SURE HE'D BE WEARING THE LIGHWOOD RING HAHAHA

HAHAHA THAT WAS CLEARLY NOT THE FUGLY LIGHTWOOD FAMILY RING (since that has a square shape on top, come on) YES I STAN A FASHION ICON

Btw there's a description in those rings, I can't really tell, but the one on the right looks like a loopy A upside down so I'm guessing one has “Alexander” and the other “Magnus” on the inside????

Edit: Both rings say “Aku cinta kamu” and I am DEAD

Hahahaha Alec wanted to win the proposal but this round goes to Magnus. But tbh he totally cheated XD XD XD

Ngl, the ring catching on Magnus's knuckle for a moment reminded me of the wedding of Kate and William ahahahaa I'm trash XD

Can you believe Malec got cheated out of their first engaged kiss by some rude ass explosion? Unfair.

I find myself genuinely confused by this. Why does Alec even entertain the thought of not going with Magnus? It seems so illogical that they'd seperate now. Later reason kicked in, and yeah, Edom probably isn't the best place for a shadowhunter but this is exactly it: Alec's instinct should have been to go with Magnus and I wish they'd taken the time to address this in any way, to give Alec the chance to express his wish to go with Magnus.

WTF WHY DOES MAGNUS SHAKE HIS HEAD THIS IS NOT OKAY WTF

But then he jokes about runaway grooms anyway because he thinks he’ll never see Alec again and he wants Alec to remember him joking & smiling & happy *cries* I’M SAD. why did I bring that up.

Thanks, @intezaarlily for making tHIS EVEN WORSE WTF

OH MY GOD I CAN'T I'M LAUGHING SO HARD THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS HAHAHAHA Magnus REALLY should have pulled the portal down on himself and not flown into it like a flying fish jumping out of the water wtf hahaha. Then again this is proof he can totally do the superman flight and it is CANON that he did that at some point. He had a whole annoying phase where he'd just fly around like a super hero. Cat was so done with it. Ragnor refused to be around him at all. Good times.

Anyway, another thing I need an explanation for is why it'll be so hard for Magnus to return to Earth. In 3x10 that posed No Problem, meaning one of two things. Either a) Asmodeus sent him back or b) he could easily travel back because he used that pentagram thingy. Honestly, the fact that Jonathan just as easily returns to Earth after his failed attempt on Lilith's life lets me favor b), which begs the question why Magnus used a regular portal instead of the pentagram thingy now. But even if a) is the case then that means Greater Demons apparently have no problem removing people from Edom and then I wonder if Magnus will have to beg Azazel or something to return him home lol, like a little kiddie asking for a lift. Or maybe, since he channelled his epic Edom!Power, maybe he can send himself back?? In any case I want some solid explanation on that.

Alec just collapsing made so much sense okay. I could feel the emptiness in my own chest, having gained and lost everything in a few short minutes, I can't even imagine how crushed Alec must be feeling.

Magnus's magic closing the rift is so epic in an incredibly emotional and intimate sense. Seeing his magic, part of him, when he's so far beyond all of their reach. It's incredible, it's touching and powerful and so so fragile. I'm amazed.

I can't believe they did this. I can't believe they put the literally last shot of this in the 3B Trailer. The audacity.

Okay but really important question, who's gonna feed Lorenzo now??? (God only one week left I am dead.)

#shadowhunters #3x20 #magnus bane #alec lightwood #jace wayland #clary fray #isabelle lightwood #jonathan morgenstern #luke garroway #maia roberts #simon lewis #kyle #maryse lightwood #the seelie queen #meliorn #asmodeus #lorenzo rey #malec #reaction

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sierrabinondo · 5 years ago

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woodland creatures tour - day 8 (falls church)

finally got around to starting the final journal. life picks back up so quickly for me when i return from going anywhere, really, so it’s hard to stick to little projects like this. but i probably could have benefited from writing this sooner after the actual last day of tour haha. it’s funny how we only leave for a week or so but it feels like our lives shift so drastically during that time. it really does take time to snap back into reality and accept normalcy.

after a good night of bullshitting until super late (we tried to put on hot ones around 2:00 am but all passed out shortly after) we grabbed coffee and breakfast at coffeeology (i THINK that’s the name) in greensboro. we stopped at a shop literally across the street from the venue we played last year, new york pizza. seeing that place again reminded us of playing to literally our tourmates destination dimension and maybe like 3 other people in the room, versus the couple dozen we played to last night. the main band that played the gig that night literally sat outside the entire show with their friends and only came inside for when they had to play. it was disheartening, to say the least. this time, we didn’t play to a crowd that was there for us, but we played to so many more people who actually stayed inside to watch us.

i wish i could remember this drive, i didn’t have any work to do so i think this was the day i bought untitled goose game and i was playing it a little bit haha. we listened to some music and just enjoyed the trek to our last gig on this run. of course, we started to hit traffic as we approached falls church, which is in the DC area for anyone not familiar. however, we were still making okay time. we could make a detour to drop our bags at the hotel in vienna, get food, and then run our dual band cover of uneasy hearts with pulses. forgot to mention this in the jacksonville journal lmao, i approached kevin with this idea for the last show of tour super casually and we did end up deciding as a whole to go through with it!

the hotel in vienna was such a strange spot, but it was kind of cool? we stayed at the vienna wolf trap hotel hahaha. all of the decor was SO DATED but it was still pretty okay. the guy at the desk was nice, we somehow got on the topic that we were a band on tour rand he gave us late check-in for free! ended up not needing it. but it’s the thought that counts haha. we arrive to the venue and jaime’s girlfriend rebecca is there to greet us :’) poor girl drove their RV all the way down to virginia alone, and that thing drives slowly. but then that meant jaime could ride back up to jersey with her which was good.

it is insane how at home we feel at falls church. i guess everyone south of maryland is just way fucking cooler than the northeast lmao, but it’s like pulling up to play somewhere at home in jersey and running into old friends. i can’t get over that we have that in a state hundreds of miles from home. it was good to see familiar faces and be back at the vfw. our friends’ band to michigan, with love was also on the gig, and our newer friends in science penguin joined us on the show as well! it was an all-around homie fest. i rolled up to the venue with the remainder of the trulys i purchased the night before, and shoved the box in the fridge haha. i was ready to just chillll.

because we have played here a handful of times, it is also now tradition to walk across the parking lot and go get korean fried chicken at the restaurant next door. it fucking sucks, we always arrive just in time to eat before doors and i normally can’t eat jack shit because of fried/spicy food being horrible for my voice. i ordered bibimbap and then 12 wings to go, for after the show lmao. or a snack after we play!! but i ended up forgetting to FUCKING eat them AND they just sat out overnight in the van so they were toast. goddamnit. i think the restaurant is literally just called bbq fried chicken, the way they fry their chicken is just perfect. the sauces are all delicious and everything besides that on the menu is also tasty.

i wanted so badly to break my last set of tour curse. it’s definitely a self-imposed, silly, superstitious thing, but my last set of tour iS ALWAYS HOT GARBAGE. i always for sure mess up. and this was probably the best last set of tour i’ve had but still not my best performance all of tour haha. i got lost the bridge of murder mountain and couldn’t hear my bandmates for some reason? fucking embarrassing but!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cannot stress enough how much fun it was. it truly was. fucking, we’re about to play pixelated and i’m trying to give my SHPIEL about not being a JERK musician and i hear the sounds of “smooth” by carlos santana featuring rob thomas faintly playing through my in-ears. i rip them off and i’m like, what the fuck is going on LMAO. surprise, the pulses. gang were behind it, and tyler, taylor and kevin come dancing up to the stage. i was DEAD. we never do last day of tour pranks so we were fuuuully unprepared hahaha. it was so funny. my meme now takes on a whole new meaning!!

most importantly this show felt like such a fun celebration of tour. pulses., as they did all tour, hyped us up during almost every song and went off for synapse fires. we are too fucking lucky to have them as friends. they really helped make every set and every show feel worth the hours of travel and sometimes stress. to look out and see their faces in the crowd and singing the words uplifted us each night. it’s unfair that we live so far apart. it’s like how they say your soulmate could be literally anywhere in the world but you won’t know until you go look??? it’s like that but with finding supportive friends. i’m not sure if we’ve stressed this enough but this tour gave us strength to keep going as musicians, due in part to their friendship. we always joked like how the fuck we’re supposed to just go on not playing shows together or seeing each other all the time but it really does suck lmao. i was in my feelings in both a good and bad way, soooo i immediately scurried off the stage to go grab a truly the second we were done HAHA

it’s always so sad to watch your friends play their last set of tour, too. well moreso bittersweet! but you know that it’ll be your last time seeing them play for a while. i enjoyed every single minute. i love watching them play hometown shows, too. halfway through we jumped on stage to do the uneasy hearts cover, completely unrehearsed, and i’d say we did a pretty damn good job. such a fun way to send off the woodland creatures tour. i had always wanted to do something like this, where two bands play on stage at once (holla me versus i nd the artwork of). the energy the whole song was so infectious, it was fun to see people in the crowd go off too. also, fucking KRIS KHUNACHAK shot this video with TWO ANGLES holding both his cameras at the same time. i still can’t get over that.

youtube

i love that pulses. played you already know as their closer, it was the perfect way to wrap up their set and the best bookend to the setlist they chose. kevin would get on the mic every night and speak to the crowd, dude is just really good at being a performer and resonating with people. in jacksonville he sat down and everyone followed his lead haha. it was fun to dance one last time with everyone as we watched pulses. kill it before the tour came to an official end. we then gathered outside to take group pictures. it’s the part you don’t wanna get to, because it signals farewells in the near future, but we took some really great ones.

post-gig taco bell plans were foiled, but someone recommended the silver dollar diner nearby. diners outside of jersey are normally horrifying but i trusted the people we were with. we piled back in our vehicles and rolled 20 heads deep to the diner. it was actually a really sick diner with tons of vegan dishes and pretty tasty food. i got chicken noodle soup, red wine and an ice cream sundae because i am a freak of nature. we ate up like 3 tables and sat altogether, just bitching about having to return to real life the following monday. but also, trying to plan the next time we would see each other. already!! and!! talking about doing more shows together. we try to work with different people all the time but there are a select few bands we would tour with or gig with again and again and again and pulses. are one of them. after how much fun this run was it’s pretty hard to imagine not doing this again. it just... makes sense. so much sense. and it feels wrong to not do it again lmao.

goodbyes were bittersweet. we huddled in the parking lot by our van to say goodnight and see ya later, one by one. fuckin, tyler is moving to nashville very soon so we all probably won’t see him for a hot minute :’----------( thankfully everyone else really isn’t that far if we planned a weekend trip to meet halfway or if we wanted to make the trip out to each other, thank god!!! i don’t know what i would do if i couldn’t always have a part of this tour with me, somehow or some way.

afterword

was thinking of adding a lengthy epilogue but it’s essentially just me openly sobbing in the van the entire ride home hahaha. you’d think that every single time it would get easier to come home but it doesn’t. i know why touring impacts me as much as it does emotionally, but when the bittersweet acceptance of coming home pours over into tears like it does, i feel kinda silly. i’m sure that there are musicians who are constantly gigging that would love nothing more than to be home more, and i know that if i was in their shoes i would come to dread touring, too.

i really, truly wish i was in a place, or that my bandmates and i, were in a place to tour more often, but for now we have what we have. and that’s okay. i want to share something beautiful our friend charlene posted today that deeply moved me:

This is the moment. I’ve made it.

People always ask me “what are you gonna do when you’ve made it?” I need you to understand something; I’ve already made it. I am living out my dreams. It’s not easy and obviously I would only hope that’s I will continue to grow, to reach bigger goals, to push the limits. But I’ve already made it. This is the moment. I won’t let myself miss out on the beauty of life that’s right in front of me because I’m too worried about something that may or may not come tomorrow. This is the moment.

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makeste · 5 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 266: Sad Naruto Flute Music

Previously on BnHA: Tamaki ate a horse; Dark Shadow punched Re-Destro through a wall; Gigantomachia didn’t want to wake up from his nap; Tokoyami climbed inside of Fatgum’s stomach like a little emo joey and mused about Hawks; Hawks was all “am I evil or no? history shall decide!” and sort of kind of maybe tried to kill Twice; and then Dabi showed up and set the two of them on fire before you could say “stop, drop, and roll.” All of this was a real chapter that really happened. Anyway but then Hawks saved Twice by pulling him out of the fire, which I totally didn’t notice during my first readthrough last week, so that’s nice. But then Dabi stepped on Hawks’s face and used his quirk again. So that was not so nice. We’re really having ourselves an arc, here.

Today on BnHA: Well you know the old saying. Save a man from burning and you feed him for a day, stab him while he’s running away and you feed him for life. Oh, the chapter? Right. Well Hawks is perfectly fine aside from getting a sexy scar for his troubles, which I’ll have you know I did predict. Twice however is not so fine, which, fun fact, I did not predict. If you’re just joining us. Yeah. I boofed it. Anyway so Hawks escapes Dabi using the power of mysterious main character logic, and then he stabs Twice, and Twice dies, very slowly and sadly and in Toga’s arms. That’s it that’s the chapter. You’ll love it. It’s full of feels. And death. Lol I’m in a mood right now I’m sorry guys. I’m gonna go write some healing Bakugou essays.

so as mentioned on the “previously” section above, Hawks saved Twice’s life! meanwhile Dabi apparently arrived in time to listen to Hawks’s “here I go... time to kill you... really gonna do it... here it comes...” speech for at least several seconds before he finally decided to make his grand entrance, as evidenced by him quoting Hawks’s “sentiment” line right back in his face before setting him on fire. so basically Hawks is still okay and villains gonna villain. this is my conclusion and 4 out of 5 dentists approve but you can form your own judgements as well and that’s fine!

(ETA: this is all your fault fifth dentist.)

anyway so before we begin, full disclosure, I was warned this chapter would make me cry. so that ominous pronouncement is gonna be weighing on my mind while we embark upon our weekly manga journey today, but alas such is life! at least life in March 2020. did we really expect any good news at this point. I want a refund on this whole year but apparently I should get in line

so here we go. someone is narrating and it’s not quite clear who

but the “you’ve just been unlucky” part is a reference to what Hawks was telling Twice in chapter 264, so unless Dabi was listening in on that part too, I would think this would have to be Twice? even though Dabi’s the one whose face is so prominent here, all handsome and crazy

omg Hawks is holding on to his feather and using his tk to blast away while holding Twice

what a fucking thing to do. is the fucking feather still on fire. and somehow he hasn’t instinctively let go of it?? THIS BOY I SWEAR TO GOD

and so he’s definitely going to have a scar there now it looks like! pretty sure this makes him an honorary Todoroki. aww

and also Twice seems to possibly be unconscious, so I guess that was Dabi’s narration?? you mean to tell me Dabi was basically sitting outside for like a full five minutes. were you fixing your hair. getting ready to livestream?? “hey there villain nation it’s me ya boi, so I’m here in the Hilton Gunga Heights and omg like a shitton of heroes have attacked us out of fucking nowhere, and now the number two hero is getting ready to fucking murder my bro Twice, and he hasn’t even noticed I’m here yet. shit is totally crazy, anyways before we go on just a reminder to click on the link below to check out our official league merch, and if you haven’t already, click on the button to like and subscribe, it really helps us out.” and then boom, just in time to save Twice from Mr. To Stab or Not to Stab

(ETA: now that we know it’s actually Twice what am I gonna do with all these Dabi social media jokes. huh?! Horikoshi you ruined everything!!)

oh this chapter is apparently called “Happy Life.” that’s fun I’m sure we’re going to have a really fun time here

(ETA: so fun the funnest.)

Dabi doesn’t really seem fazed though

yeah he’s fucked we know don’t have to rub it in ffff

(ETA: Dabi. we underestimated him, Dabi.)

so Hawks is all “you nearly murdered your bro just fyi” and Dabi is all “smirk it’s fine cuz I knew you were going to save him cuz ~that’s ~what ~heroes ~do” wow you guys. I just realized that between Dabi and Hawks, this has the potential to be the single snarkiest fight we’ve ever had in this manga. my hype for this chapter just went up 10x

also even though I just summarized these last few panels I’m also going to post them so we can all shamelessly admire hot wounded Hawks

hot damn. you were right, AFO. wounded heroes are the sexiest. I may be paraphrasing a bit

also two things, (1) looks like he called some of his feathers back (so then WHERE WERE THEY??), but it’s not much. and (2) he was wearing gloves this whole time that’s right I forgot. so maybe his hands are okay?? the hell are those made of, damn

oh my freaking lord

this is one attractive chapter I’ll give it that. also raise your hand if you’re surprised that Dabi never actually trusted Hawks. yeah that’s what I thought

well shit looks like we’re finally getting some Hawks thoughts! unsurprisingly, they are all “I’m fucked”

please note that while talking!Hawks is continuing to be all sassy, thinking!Hawks is busy tallying up Jin’s injuries. this is a good sign, maybe. I hope. lol

anyway but speaking of Jin, what is going on

oh lol he’s making a break for it

this is so bad you guys. this is so so bad. if Twice lives that’s all well and good, but if he escapes, Hawks is 100% right about how dangerous he is. they could literally capture 90% of PLF in this raid and it would hardly even matter. also in the meantime the #2 hero is about to be roasted alive so that’s also not great for the hero side all things considered

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh no. I don’t like this. no no no

why did we suddenly cut to outside and someone’s screaming (?) echoing from offscreen. I’m trying to think of not-terrible explanations for this and coming up short. uh

now we’re back to Hawks/Twice/Dabi, only I don’t see Hawks yet. but Twice is just barely dodging the flame blast, and meanwhile Dabi is all

is he talking to Twice?

yep he’s talking to Twice

that’s fine. that’s all I need. for Twice to “go wild” while my nine-year-old son is outside with his batteries all fried and innocently waiting for someone to lead him back to where his other child soldier friends are waiting for him. like. say what you will about Hawks and betrayal, but there was a fucking reason he was trying to take Twice out first

hmm but we’re getting this slow-motion panel now and FUCK ME I SWEAR TO GOD IF A FEATHER PIERCES HIS HEART OUT OF NOWHERE I’M GONNA LOSE IT

WAIT WHAT

EXCUSE ME BUT

? ??????????

well you sure have been made to look the fool now, Dabi. thought you’d won just because you had Hawks cornered in a narrow room and you set him on fire while standing in between him and the only exit. rookie fucking mistake. you scrub. you clod. you halfwit. how could you let this happen. wow I can’t believe Dabi let Hawks escape unscathed except for a sexy scar and that’s the end of the chapter

LMAO

oh my god. well good news everyone this chapter did indeed make me cry

(ETA: listen. I’m going to hell, I know. but it’s still funny as fuck.)

“he went outside with the blast... and flanked me?!” ...sure. sure let’s just go with that. seems reasonable

actually no, sorry, I literally went back two chapters to see if there was another way out of this room, and nope

by the way that last panel is apparently from Dabi’s POV if I’m understanding this right. just standing behind Hawks waiting for youtube live to connect

but anyway. so no exit. meaning Dabi apparently torched a hole right through the wall and Hawks just sat there and was all “okay this hurts like a mother but if I wait it out a few more seconds I think I can... there we go!” you know, logic

so now there is a ton of action happening which I can’t quite understand, but also Dabi is shouting Hawks’s real name for some reason

why do I feel like this is definitely the last page before somebody definitely fucking dies. shit. shit

oh thank god so far so good. and also, lol

BECAUSE HE READ THE DATABOOK, HAWKS. that’s probably how he figured out you were a spy too. we’ve been had

oh snap?!

don’t do this to me Horikoshi. don’t give me hope. don’t act like you’re gonna actually address this topic sometime before the heat death of the universe

AND HE’S OUT

MY BABY OFF TO DESTROY PEOPLE. ;_; shitttt hahaha nervous laughter Ralph Wiggum sitting on the bus etc.

GODDAMN IT HORIKOSHI

I don’t want Twice to kill anyone but it doesn’t mean I want him to die either! just!! can’t I have it both ways?? please stop with this I can’t take it also what is Spinner doing. and also YAY GIRAN SIGHTING hot damn the sex appeal of this chapter is fast approaching critical levels

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT FUCK

fuck me. [eyes post from last week] the real announcer jinx was the metas we made along the way

well we’re cutting away again!! because of course we are!! Horikoshi won’t show violence unless it’s a dog exploding or a little boy accidentally murdering his entire family

[taps megaphone] this thing on. all right then. [clears throat] NO ONE WANTS THIS

FOR FUCK’S SAKE

“I KNOW YOU’RE ALL DYING TO SEE WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN, SO HERE, LET’S CUT TO A RANDOM PAGE OF TOGA AND COMPRESS BEING CAPTURED BY A MAN WITH HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO ARMS”

oh damn but are they really captured though??

forgive me for being skeptical. not to doubt you, Hungry Hungry Hippo Man. I’m sure you’re absolutely right and your sentence cut off at the end there because you remembered that they changed their name to Pliff, and not because you’re being stabbed or burned or impaled or whatever the fuck

!!!

HE LIVED BITCH

yes he totally lived and this definitely isn’t so that he can get one final scene with Toga before he suddenly keels over and dies. shit. at this point it’s fucking inevitable. you had to go and drag his girlfriend into this. I’m so sad you guys I can’t even deal with these emotions I’m just gonna stubbornly joke about stupid shit until I figure out what the fuck else to do

OH MY GOD!!!!???

HE DIED BITCH!?!??

he’s already dead he’s already fucking dead fucking shit

ohhhhhh it’s pouring down sads now

my bird son really went and fucking killed the sweetest little dumpling in the manga. I wrote like 5 thousands essays defending you, Hawks. we gonna have to get you a damn good lawyer now

why is sad flute music from the Naruto OST playing

he’s not gonna need it where he’s going Toga. because they already have plenty of handkerchiefs on the farm. and lots of room for him to run around and play with other villains too

lmao fuck

I really did this to myself, why did I actually start playing Sadness and Sorrow fuck my life. real actual tears

and it SEEMS TO ME, YOU LIVED YOUR LIFE, LIKE A CANDLE IN THE WIND~~~

[sad makeste noises]

AND I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO KNOW YOU

BUT I WAS JUST A KID~~

...

your candle burned out long before

your legend ever did.

[mellow keyboard tones]

welp. ... 2020 ladies and gentlemen

#bnha 266 #twice (bnha)#dabi #hawks #himiko toga #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste spoiler recap #makeste reads bnha #lol I'm not gonna delete those essays though #gonna take my licks like a man #HAWKS YOU DID A BAD THING #WHERE IS BEST JEANIST

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