#thank you so much for telling me the exact same thing for the past 5 years of my life and doing absolutly nothing to help!!

[anonyanonymouse]

I don't know what to say. It was beautiful. It was everything I wanted out of the book and I am so happy. They went through with destroying his horn (just one!) and he is experiencing the long-term consequences of it. Lilia died and both Malleus and Silver brought him back with true love and a wish, because true love conquers all... Just what the original movie would have wanted 😭

And Malleus, Silver, and Sebek sobbing so much over him. He really got to find out just how much he means to them 😭😭😭 and I adore how after all this time, when Silver and Lilia finally got the chance to talk one on one, they were just talking casually about trivial things in their lives. Silver even said there was so much more they should have talked about... But that normalcy is just what they need after everything

The way Lilia still after all that time thinks so little about what he's done for Silver, asking him if he'd rather keep his blonde hair color. The way Silver was so happy to describe just how much he loves his hair and how important it is to him. Ohhhh,,,,,...,,.,,....

I really like that Silver gave away his armor. His reason for it is so him. He wouldn't want to keep a weapon that he just puts up on a wall and never uses, he wants it to be used for something important. It's such a nice way for him to give back to STYX and the island!!! He doesn't directly say it's because of the armor's association with KOD, and I think that's fine. He really made his peace with having KOD as his father, he's accepted it as part of his life now!

AND THE ADOPTION. IT'S EVERYTHING I COULD HAVE ASKED FOR!!!! Silver and Lilia are both so so. Oh my god. They mean the world to me. I can't believe Lilia's reasoning for not giving Silver his surname is the exact same reason Silver was afraid to ask for it. He didn't want to burdon his kid with the name of his "real parents" enemy. Lilia when I GET YOU. And Silver LAUGHS AT HIM FOR IT!!!! The only other time we ever see him laugh is when he's a kid!!!!! And his laugh is just as sweet now as it was back then 😭

Lilia Vanrouge's adoption of Silver Vanrouge is officially valid in the country of Briar Valley. Silver is now Lilia's true son. The game has been building us up to this moment for 5 years and I am so happy 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Silver's profile now officially says Silver Vanrouge. I can stop tagging him as twst Silver / twisted wonderland Silver / ect and just tag him as Silver Vanrouge. I'm so happy

All the ghosts of the past got to come back to life and dance in peace with each other at last. Malleus got to meet his mother and Silver got to properly meet his parents, and we got to see Leah!!! Both Malleus and Silver got to thank their parents for protecting them so that they could live in a world with their loved ones, and got to tell them to rest in peace at last. It's sooooo sugary sweet oh my god. THIS GAME!!!!!!

[appleblueberry-pie]

MORE YANDRE MILES PLSS I LOVE THEM

im just gonna put whatever comes to mind. trying to be as unhinged as you guys let me be. tell me if you want worse/weirder. fem reader.

Miles stopped caring about how fucked up he became when it comes to you. It doesn't matter when you're his only form of bliss he can find anymore. he kills every night. he can't sleep. he drains his mind and body every day. he has school grades to worry about and how he's gonna get the next 5 thousand from that one gang he made an agreement with two weeks ago. and, yet with the drugs he sees being slipped into people's hands on the way to school, and the syringes he feels cracking under his clean J's, the only thing that's pure enough to cleanse his mind, body, and soul is you. everyone wears the same shit to school every day, but you make it fit your personality and looks perfectly.

cut to the chase, he can't help but imagine being skin to skin with you every night. he wants you to rake your fingers into his scalp. fuck the fresh braids, he needs your nails on his skin. scratch his back, scalp, arms, anything. he wants marks of you on him any way possible. too young for certain activities, but when it comes to you, he'll fucking murder anyone. drug anyone, kill anyone for you. he hates when you pass him and he catches a whiff of your perfume, or even better, your natural musk. because he'll just stay in his head for the next few days. you're his high. he needs you.

he wants you to talk into his ears all damn day and never stop. he wants to hear you whisper, talk, laugh, cry, yell. everything. he never sees you crack a single smile in the science class you guys take together. But when he sees you howling your fucking ass off with your close friends, pushing, grabbing your friends, giggling, squealing with them, it just sets his whole body on fire. he's so fucking jealous of them, he just breaks anything in his vicinity at the thought of not having what you're giving them. he then began to wonder how he could have you for himself. he just wants you to give him all of you, and he'd obviously give you himself. why can't he have that?

when you pair up with him for a project in that science class you both share, he never thanked god so so so much in 15 seconds like he did when you began walking over to where he sat.

it gave him an excuse to stare at you and drink in every square inch of your body like he'd see an angel once and never see it again until he died. he greedily drinks in your scent while you speak. being able to see, hear, smell, and feel you if he tries hard enough, is almost overstimulating for him. he's great at hiding his emotions, but on the inside he wonders if this is what it feels like to take heroine. when you ask him a question about possible presentation ideas, he almost asks you to sit on his lap so he can hear you better.

Miles has been having maladaptive daydreams about you for the past year or so. so it was very difficult in that moment for him to separate his dreams from reality when he finally got a chance to communicate with you. before you left the class to get to your next period, you had already typed your number in his phone. he had already formed in his mind a way to locate your exact living apartment number. that way he can sneak in when you aren't there. miles needs you in his arms as soon as possible.

[silksongeveryday]

Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 200!!!

(huge thanks to this person for the art suggestion!! <3)

I genuinely can’t believe that I’ve made it to 200 days, it’s truly been wild how time flies by like that and the amount of doodles I’ve made during that time. Over 200 doodles (217 to be exact if we’re counting double pictures/extra doodles) have been made over the past 200 days. :0

And thank you all so much for the love and support! Not only have we reached 200 days but also 1400+ followers about a week ago! <3

But, having said that I’d like to make a few announcements—some good, some not so great—about a few things regarding the blog, myself, and other stuff.

Putting it all under the cut so the post isn’t long if you’d like to know more

______________________________

Announcements!

My pfp!

1.) I’ll be changing my pfp again!! I’ve officially decided that after every 100 days or so I’ll change up the pfp so it’s up to date with my doodle style (assuming it changed at all lol), but generally it’ll look relatively the same as the last!

Possibly more admins?

2.) As of right now I’m looking into the idea/possibility of having a second (maybe third?) person help me with daily doodles! As much as I’d like to keep doodling everyday there are some days that it can be tough or some situation might be happening. (i.e. recently got injured)

See, the problem is I don’t exactly have a proper way of trying this out??? My idea was to maybe do this through dms or more preferably Google Forms. I also don’t really know what form of communication afterward would be best either, suggestions to help me work this out would be great! (as you can tell I’m not very good at this stuff lol)

Commissions!

3.) After much consideration and a lot of thought, I’ve decided that in the near future, I’ll be opening commissions again for the first time in years. I don’t have everything set up quite yet, but expect more info in the near future!

About requests:

4.) You may have noticed recently that I haven’t been doing as many doodle requests recently. Sure, there’s usually quite a few in a row at once but you may have noticed I’ve also been doing “non-requested” doodles aka ones that I just do on my own.

Expect this to become a very normal thing going forward. I probably won’t be doing as many requests as before because frankly with the amount of requests I get daily when it’s open is a lot to handle sometimes. Does this mean requests will be stopped entirely? No, I’ll still do some occasionally, but not as much as I have in the past.

Also I’ll likely be doing strictly anonymous requests.

About Burnout:

5.) Alright let’s address the elephant in the room.

There have been quite a few instances where people have wondered if I would ever have burnout and have occasionally joked about “dying” from said burnout because “Silksong will never release, you’ll be doing this forever” etc etc.

In the past I’ve been fine, motivation has been great, but recently I’ve noticed it a little bit.

Unfortunately life has its own plans so it can be a little hard for me to make a doodle that day, expecially recently since I’ve been experiencing personal/medical issues. It’s part of the reason I’m hoping to get a second (maybe third) person to help me do daily doodles so I can take a little bit of the load off my shoulders.

So what does this mean for this blog?

Not much right now. But in the future, there may be some changes. My current plan is to keep going on daily doodles/posts for the length of a standard year, so roughly 365 days. After that, if things in personal life keep up the way they have, I may have to stop daily doodles and instead will post only if I have time. That likely means doodles every other day or every three days or something. At the very least I’ll still post a doodle once a week.

Not to worry though! I’ll still try my best even after I reach day 365 :)

I’ll discuss how things work a little more on my main @miizori later, but that’s as much as I can think to explain rn.

———————————————

Just a few more things I wanted to say!

This community has been so cool to interact with, so much tamer than some others I’ve been apart of in the past. I’m genuinely thankful for how much support and how nice everyone has been. I truly didn’t expect to get this far, I was fully expecting to have stopped like 10 doodles in lol. I especially love to see all your comments in the tags and people sharing their art. You’re all so cool :)))

I have a dtiys from back when I reached 300 followers that’s still available if you’re feeling up to it!

Also my main (again, @miizori) is where I make updates on doodle stuff, regular art stuff and so on if you’re interested at all in that lol

I think that’s all that I can remember wanting to say, so thanks!! I look forward to more doodles for you all :)

[luciaintheskyainthi]

Hii, i admire you a lot, every chapter of ECM encourages me a lot, i hope yo are well and im sorry for the bad english in my cuestion😭

Your best writing tips? Everything is valid, whether writing in general o writing fanfics, whatever you think for sure is good, thanks for writing 🙏💗😔

thank-you so much!! I'm glad my writing can do that for you!!

Oh man, I have soooo many things to say, but I'll give you some simplified ones to start with! Buckle up buttercup, this is a long'un!

General Writing Tips:

I know it sounds dumb! But just write. Write a little, write a lot, just try not to get bogged down with it being 'good' or 'bad' or anywhere in between. I'm a firm believer in writing being like a muscle: the more you do it, the easier (and the better) it becomes. And also, crucially, this shouldn't be a time where you do things like... a) hunting for the perfect word b) doing research c) cross reference with a past chapter This is a writing only time! Make yourself place holders (I write XK for words I can't think of, as it's 2 letter that will never appear together so I can CTRL+F it easily! I make comments in the draft specifying what to check or research. I highlight parts I know need LOTS of work) so you can quickly move past what's blocking you and continue writing.

Find a writing habit and environment that works for you. Typing? Hand-writing? Coloured pages? White pages? Dictating? Working in a public place? A private space? (When I start out a story, I often handwrite. And I'll turn back to it if I'm stuck, too. I also write a lot in public, as I find the pressure of other people around me stops me wasting time on my phone... or Tumblr lol).

Get yourself a writing friend! I have a friend I see almost weekly and it's my most productive time of the week (For example, today I wrote 5600 words! Crazy!). Online works too (if you use the pomodoro, you can compare word counts, make a competition of it). If you're doing it IRL, DO NOT expect to get anything done the first time. Or the second time.... but the more you do it, the easier it is for you both to fall straight into writing. (This is the exact same advice I giving to my students about 'study dates' 😉 )

If you find it hard to 'break the seal', then try a warm up. Set yourself a 5-10 minute timer and write based on an activity. E.g. tell a story from the POV of an object in your room! Write a detailed description of your foot! Write a 5 sentence story! Find a picture and write a scene inspired by it! Or get yourself a prompt list and use that. These are all things I would do for students back when I ran a creative writing club at school.

Use the pomodoro system when writing (it's great for studying too!). That's 20 minutes of nothing but writing - no searching up stuff! No looking at your phone! Just writing. Then take a 5 minute break. Then another 20 minutes of writing. Rinse and Repeat! You'd be amazed at how much you can get done!

THIS ONE IS SO IMPORTANT: 👏 The first thing you write is the worst thing you write! That's not just okay! It's expected!! 👏 This is something I tell ALL my students and equally myself. The editing process is SO crucial and honestly, the best thing you can do to improve is - and you'll hate me for saying this! - rewrite your entire first draft. This is why I say, 'don't worry about the first thing you've written'. Because it won't be the end product. (This is why I so often hand-write. Because typing it up then becomes the rewrite.) The re-write is when you should be thinking carefully about your phrasing, and when you can go and do that research. (I will note, I actually don't do this much anymore, but I've also been writing obsessively for 19 years... so do with that what you will (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

Read your work out loud. What reads fine in your head might come out as nonsense out loud. This is especially true for dialogue! The better it flows out your fabulous mouth, the better it reads. I've done this so much I've mostly internalised it, but I always always do my final edit as a read through out loud. All 140+K of ECM has come out my gob at least once.

Actual writing tips:

When it comes to sentence structure and phrasing, one of the best things I ever did for myself was read the book Sin and Syntax by Constance Hale. I don't expect every writer to do so, but I do think it's worth reading (I'd like to specify, I generally HATE reading non-fiction but I found it a valuable read).

Here are a few things to keep in mind when actually writing:

Bad repetition: it's a classic, but overuse of certain words sticks out like a sore thumb. Even now I'll do it and won't notice until the final read through (out loud! See my previous tip haha). That is NOT to say that you should just right click 'synonyms'! It's better to edit the sentence itself, think about whether that word is even necessary before choosing to select another word).

Nuance in language is soooo important. This is why I generally discourage just the right-click 'synonym' option. Certainly in the nonsensical English language, there are subtleties in word choice that are critical to preventing your work for turning into nonsense (something I wish my students would understand!). Think of the different meanings conveyed through choices like house / bungalow / condo / flat / apartment / mansion / Mcmansion. All have differing connotations and can't be used interchangeably. Same with floor vs ground. Make sure you understand the connotations (associated meanings) of the word you're choosing before you use it.

Following on from this, Choose specific nouns and dynamic verbs, rather than relying on your adjectives/adverbs to do all the work. Not ' one storey house': bungalow. Not 'walk tiredly': stumble / trudge. Of course, you don't have to do this all the time and I'm not saying adverbs/adjectives are evil! But I think a lot of writers become overly reliant upon them.

Avoid redundant language. Consider the words that are doing the heavy lifting in your sentences. Is there anything in the sentence that doesn't need to be there because you've already implied it? e.g. Sara trudged tiredly into her bedroom and fell onto her bed. In this example, 'trudged' already implies exhaustion. And one would assume her bed is in her bedroom. Likewise 'fall' isn't the most exciting of verbs. So I'd change it to something like this -> Sara trudged through the doorway to collapse onto her bed. (Note here I'm also thinking of the implied meaning of 'onto' rather than 'into', which would suggest her bed is still made up).

Keep in mind who your narrator is and adjust your writing accordingly. Consider their personality, their background and the influence of their culture on the ways in which they'd think / write things. For example, as Peter is a character prone to ramble, I'll sometimes have him do the same in his narration. And because he's a silly little guy, I'll also have his train of thoughts turn in silly ways. His science background means I'll occasionally throw in a science reference too (though it's not my strongest knowledge base these days! So it requires more research lol). In contrast, Jason's love of literature make him more likely to use 'fancy' words like 'eschew', literary references and more elaborate metaphors. But at the same time, his Crime Alley upbringing means I have him use a lot of contractions. And because I see him as a character who is both a dramatic bastard and a highly efficient guy, I will use a lot of one word, or very short sentences. (If you're using multiple narrators, it might pay to write these ideas down!)

Anyways, I could go on, but it's also 20 to 11PM here and I've already written 5600 words today 🥲 My phalanges are tired!

I at least hope you can find something helpful or encouraging from all of this!

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

what was the creative process behind your spike fic? i always love reading your notes on creating fic!

OMG, anon, thank you for the opportunity to ramble!

I'm actually gonna put a cut on this thing because I know people will want to scroll past the absolute wall of text I'm about to put out. I'm literally gonna write an essay on the birth of this beast, timeline-wise.

Kay. So, I've been reading a ton of Spike fics in like the last month or two. Before that, I was bouncing around with The Vampire Diaries, Star Wars, Star Trek, a lot of sci-fi/modern/futuristic stuff. I think that made the progression easier for me to 'get into' writing a modern fic.

This might be a bit dumb, but I cried when I found out that Michelle Trachtenberg died. Buffy was the legit first thing me and my dad had in common when I was a teenager (extenuating circumstances, but let's just say that we didn't get on great due to mutual, if separate, issues). It was a bit of a gut punch, you know? So I started looking at old Dawn fanfics I'd read back in the day—sue me, but when I was like 14 and my biggest crush was Spike, I read Dawn x Spike (given that I wasn't involved in wider fandom discourse at the time, I wasn't exactly literate on the whole ew-that-ship-is-NOT-okay thing)—and stumbled across the oldies I pored over. Geez, I swear fanfiction.net used to be a better quality site? Haven't been there in literal years, and I've gotten so spoiled by AO3 that it felt a bit like slummin' it. But the trip down memory lane was fun. Ran out of steam for Dawn x Spike, so I turned to Spuffy, Spander, Spillow, read all my old faves. Then I saw that there were new Buffy Funko Pops, and as a Funko ho I got them. Then I started rewatching episodes here and there. All the scenes of Spike getting verbally shat on by Buffy in Seasons 5 and 6 made my heart hurt—funny, because I don't really recall if it was quite so horrible to watch as a kid—and I was like "see, this is where fanfic comes in." Decided to hop back online and see if there were any good Spike x OC/Reader fics. A few, and really good (I'll reblog my reads if anyone's interested in that at all), but nothing that scratched the exact itch I was after. The whole "Spike should have an ending where he doesn't have to hide or excuse a part of himself" itch. Then the creativity itch started up.

I've been a bit leery of writing fanfic for a bit. Well, posting it, anyway. Done bits and bobs of ToE, but nothing substantial enough to put up as a complete chapter update. I've also been dabbling with Star Trek (Spirk x Reader, lol) and TVD fic (Klaus x Reader x Elijah, can you tell I like threesomes?), but neither of those are done. The latter is more done, and I might post that eventually, but it got away from me a bit because I made the mistake of just yeeting ideas out without making some sort of plan. Same with the Star Trek fic, TBH. I've sorta smutted myself into a hole with both—too much detail, to the point it reads like a blow-by-blow and I'm exhausted just reviewing it. The pacing's all wonky. So anyway, I sat on an idea of a Spike x Reader, partially based on old maladaptive fantasies I used to invent as a teen while trying to fight off insomnia. Being Buffy's sister. Being the one Spike falls for. It felt like the right move, in the name of nostalgia, to tackle an old daydream. And I think I've already mentioned that I've wanted to write a relationship fic using external character POVs, partly because I'm a freaky little voyeur, partly for drama and partly because it's an interesting way to practice at writing each character. If you can believably write in an approximation of their voice, you understand them, right?

Wasn't hard to draft some dot points about the order of development (something's up > too close at funeral > twoo wuv confession > sads after Buffy > catch post-nut > catch mid-nut > catch pre-nut > big blow-up > semi-resolution > happy days). Wasn't originally going to include Angel, but given Spike's hate-on for him and the necessity of filling in another character blank, I felt it held up to include him. The only possible place he could fit was Joyce's funeral, seeing as he was present in canon there, so there he was assigned. I had to think logistically in my assignments: I started with Xander getting to view the live graphic smut show, seeing as how he basically cops the same thing with Buffybot. That was a fun scene to write! I then went back to the 'huh, why's Spike being weirder than usual?' intro scene and decided that if it were anything more intense, Buffy'd probably just kill him, so she had to get that one. The other intimate scenes (confession, post- and mid-smut stuff) had to go to characters who wouldn't dob Spike and Reader in, so Anya, Dawn and Tara they went to. Dawn couldn't have the confession, she was busy being sacrificed by Glory, and she definitely couldn't have the active smut bit because she's a kid and ew. Giles got the post-Buffy's-death mourning sequence because he's mostly absent in Season 6 and I wanted to preserve that. I knew it was going to end with either Reader or Spike POV (to hit home how SWAG things are), and that basically left Willow by default with the confrontation scene.

I wrote it all out of order. Xander first, back to Buffy, then Angel, then Tara, then Anya, then Giles, then Dawn, and then Willow - Reader - Spike occurred in sequence. Had to do some editing to get them to flow on, but the beauty of the separated scenes meant that the internal monologue didn't have to be consistent between scenes. Each character's limited by what they know, which is most apparent in Giles's POV, given that he's interpreting Spike/Reader as a developing closeness rather than a secret affair masquerading as flirtation which I hope is what comes across. For authenticity, I tried to preserve the spelling, punctuation and grammar norms relative to the regions of origin for each character—everyone bar Giles and Spike have Americanised English (which I frequently stuffed up and have had to go back countless times and re-edit), while those two have good ol' British/Australian English. Not a thing most will notice, but I was determined to make that a thing, even if people don't necessarily think in words requiring correct spelling. Don't ask me why this was a compulsion, just blame my rampant autism.

I was mostly done with the fic by the time I started posting it on AO3. It came outta me with a quickness that I haven't had in a long time. I think it was mostly because I didn't really expect it to go anywhere initially; it was an itch to scratch like my other non-HotD fic dabblings, and I probably wouldn't finish it. Also, it didn't carry the burden of all these developed plot points as a brand-new fic, nor the weight of getting through the narrative arc due to the indeterminate time jumps and shifts in POV. Then I didn't really have any intention of posting it. Then it grew wings, and I decided to post on AO3 just because it seemed right to do. It actually wasn't well-edited the first go round, and I've gone back around 20 times since to change little bits that I didn't notice (I've since discovered that the easiest way for me to spot issues on my own is to post/draft it to AO3 and read it on my phone before bed, seems tired me is a picky beetch), which is annoying because I'm a perfectionist nutjob and the modern lingo did my head in a bit. I'm used to writing very floral, formal, medieval prose—very proper—and using all those contractions and incomplete sentences sent me 'round the bend. But CHARACTER CONSISTENCY, Em, CHARACTER CONSISTENCY. Must flagellate myself for the sake of realism. It helped to lean on over a decade's worth of fanfic consumption, some remembered and many hundreds not. I also think I've been a bit through the emotional/mental health wringer, so maybe there's an element of no-fuss-no-muss bleeding through? I dunno. Psychoanalysis isn't my strong suit.

I... think my answer's gotten away from me. Or maybe reads like I think I've created the next Iliad or something. Nah, it's just an excuse to write smut with one of my oldest platinum-blonde bad-boy-with-a-clear-lack-of-conscience crushes. It's nice to extend my writing abilities, diversify them a bit. I honestly didn't think I was going to move away from historical/fantasy fic, but I do have ideas for other stuff and it's cool so far getting to explore that. I struggle with single one-shots, so naturally I'm writing more to the story with a sequel. Much more direct, this next one—Spike POV only. It weaves back into some canon events, but brings up new stuff too in an attempt to generate more conflict and to showcase Spikeyboy being a kept house-husband, essentially. It ain't the chip in his head neutering him, it's the fact that his nuts are in Reader's little handbag. We see in Season 2 how over-the-top devoted he can get, and he never got the chance to show that with Buffy, so why not give him a gal just vulnerable enough for ol' Spike to swoop in and save the day for?

Anyway, yeah. There's my answer. I hope this is the deep-dive you were after, nonnie! Thanks for the question!

[schumigrace]

My life will, quite literally, never be the same.

I moved to the motorsport county for a multitude of reasons, but having Silverstone on my doorstep was at the top of the list.

The mileage counter in my beaten-up racing green Vauxhall has racked up most of it's digits on the A43 through Towcester, I can tell you the exact position of every road sign painted with a brown rectangle, a chequered flag next to the word "Silverstone". I could tell you which direction the track is in from anywhere in the world, as if it's Wing shaped roof hangs like a petrol-laden North Star. All roads lead to Silverstone, you may say (no-one has ever said this)

So, Grace, I hear you asking, how often do you go?

Never.

That is, of course, until I received an email from God herself (the Aston Martin F1 Team Marketing Analyst) informing me of my invitation to their AMR24 Launch. An invitation I very obviously accepted, after 24 hours worth of crying, screaming, and stalking said marketing analyst on LinkedIn to make sure this was not in fact some messed up kind of joke

So it's 7 in the morning, I'm doing my usual commute through the god-awful traffic hell that is Northamptonshire, only this time I'm not going straight ahead on the Silverstone Bypass, I am taking the ever elusive right turn into the brand new Aston Martin Technology Centre and being handed a visitor's pass

The first thing I notice is that they've only gone and put a bloody AMR23 (with the new livery) right in the middle of the lobby, it's covered up at this point, and I'm staring daggers through the cover just daring it to be riddled with carbon fibre underneath. AMR team members are floating around like green angels everywhere I look, shelves are adorned with this past year's trophies (I make a comment to a passing team member - "you'll need more shelves after this year", she chuckles and moves on - I try not to take this is a bad sign)

8 o'clock hits, the official launch video plays, and the cover is removed. jesus fucking christ she's green. thank fuck. I can go home now.

Oh, hang on, is that Mike Krack?

Shit it is.

Mike has a shakedown to run of course, so he doesn't hang around for too long. He's confident in this car though, they've been working on it for years, and he's sure we'll be quick out of the gate. Off he goes across the road to the garage. "Don't worry," they say, "you'll be going over to watch the cars on track too."

Sorry, can you repeat that please, I believe you just said we are going to go over to the track to watch the cars.

"Yes of course, but not before we ply you with cake and coffee, naturally, oh and also Pedro De La Rosa is here along with Jessica Hawkins. Do you want to chat to them?"

I ask Pedro where he and Fernando went to dinner last night. Somewhere in Oxford I think, I stopped listening, I was thinking about how much I would be willing to be a thir-

Anyway.

At this point no photos are allowed for the rest of the day, they are literally building the car right in front of you no you cannot put that on social media.

We're heading across the road now, along the Hamilton straight and up around Stowe, we head past the Porsche Experian Centre and I make some vague comment about Webbonso that nobody picks up on. Nevermind. We turn left just before Maggots and Becketts to head towards the pit lane, and into the Aston Martin garage.

The smell of petrol is so overwhelmingly strong and I make sure every single cell of my lungs is scarred from it. A batak machine is being set up and I joke "wouldn't it be funny if someone beat Jenson Button's world record today". Someone did, not even 5 minutes later. A wave of "get Jenson on the phone!" fills the garage.

I turn around, Stoffel Vandoorne and Felipe Drugovich are on a stage talking about how exciting it is to see the car, or at least they're trying to look excited. I'm not sure Drugo knows what that even means.

Lawrence Stroll is talking to a mechanic and I can literally hear the thousands of dollars dropping into his bank account with every heartbeat. Surely his son is nearby? Oh yes, right infront of us. Imagine that. (Lance did of course look gorgeous, his racesuit tied around his waist, laughing with his engineers like the whore he is)

We're heading over to the PU station now and the wonderful AM team member is talking us through the specifics of it, but I haven't heard a single word she has said, because unfortunately for her Fernando has decided to enter the garage at that exact moment. I am stood near a space heater, and he locks eyes on me (nope, the space heater) immediately. He makes his way over and sticks his backside directly towards the heater and my face is about as red as the radiator.

"Good morning! How are you?"

I have so many words to say to you right now, and not a single one of them is in a language that either of us can understand. I think I eventually vomitted up some form of acceptable response, however, because he smiled at me.

"Are you cold?"

"Only a little" I respond. Not anymore, I'm picturing myself under you, I think.

I totally lost a good hour after this because there's not a single memory here for me to put into words, damn you Alonso

The blur fades with the freezing air outside, and we're stood on the pitwall. Sky Sports are here now and have us doing media stuff, I run as far away from them as possible and climb onto the pitwall. FIA, if you're reading this, I promise I kept both feet on the ground at all times.

They tell us the shakedown isn't going to plan, suprise surprise, and you actually cannot see the car on track today. I mentally curl into a ball and sob the whole way back to the AMRTC but all of a sudden we are being led to mission control and the composite engineering stations and they are, literally, building a car infront of us whatthefuckishappening

By this point I have recovered from my minor sulk - Grace this is literally the best day of your life get over yourself - and then we're being told that as an apology they have hired a room in the Hilton Hotel opposite the pitlane, free food and drinks for as long as we want, oh and... cars on track. all. day. long.

Whilst writing this i received another email from biblically-accurate marketing analyst god asking for feedback. I think a string of letters indicating incessant shrieking will probably do the trick

[persephone11110]

Hot and Cold

J.S x Reader

Warnings:quiet reader/happy/confident, protective j.s, mention of past oc death, soft jake seresin, fake date->real dating at the end, bad date, medical inaccuracy, naval inaccuracy, ooc j.s a bit, curse words

Summary: two times jake seresin was secretly in love with y/n l/n and the one time he made sure you knew too.

ofc: Y/n“Mouse”L/n

AN: This is so random, this is me taking a break from Fallen Angel. I’ve read 5+1 b4 from different fandoms but make mine 2+1 bcus i don’t have the brain cells to do that. I don’t know if I like this ENJOY ❤️

—

1. the hard deck

“Kiss me baby”

“Ooh, that feels good”

You leaned against the bar alone sipping on your sparkling water quietly. As much as you loved Rooster’s singing— it was loud and made everyone around you in bar loud. You flinched at the shouts that echoed throughout the bar— you knew everyone was just having fun—something you didn’t quite understand yet.

“You hate Bradshaw’s voice too?” a southern drawl calls out to you. You look back to a man with set of gorgeous green eyes. Holy shit he’s fine.

“H..Hi Seresin” your voice suddenly stuttering—nervousness was rising at the sight of the man.

You instantly recognized the man Hangman, the man that leaves everyone in his dust cloud. He gently puts his hand on your back guiding you to a pair of seats outside.

After pulling out your chair Jake gently smiles at you—“Sorry about that Y/n I couldn’t hear over that chicken shit”. He full on smirking, back at home Jake has a little brother Riley who has the exact same tendencies as you. Shy and Quiet-pratically acts like a ghost.

“Jake” you shot him a disapproving look. “Be kind to Rooster”.

“Why should I Mouse?”, he glances at you, your not dumb you could feel and see the deep hatred the two men have for each other. He sips at his beer before putting it back down on the table.

You sighed,“Because whether you like it or not Rooster might be the one up there with you”. You say easily, you know what it feels like to lose someone up in the air. The feeling of someone’s death weighing on conscious day and night— the infamous What If’s.

He shrinks back—“Who, if you don’t mind me asking ya sweetheart?”. He reaches over and grabs your hand lightly—there’s no heat behind his words, his face is soft and gentle— you could see the real him and not his facade Hangman.

Icarus flew too close to the sun. a teardrop fell from your face.

Painful memories crashed your mind, the day Y/n died, having to listen to banshee like cries of his mother and wife combined. Watching his casket get carefully laid into the ground.

“Me and my wso were shot down in enemy territory”.— it’s classified can’t give to much away. “I know I don't why you and Rooster have differences but all i’m saying is that the last thing you both need is death weighing you down”.

“Thank you Y/n”, Jake cards his fingers over your knuckles.“But I need to get back to terrorizing everyone around me”.

Jake wishes he could stay longer, leaving you is the last thing he wants. But if he stayed longer Jake might confess his feelings for you. Cant have that before a big mission, can we?

“Bye Hangman”, you waved him away.

He stood up and gently dropped a kiss onto your head.

“Bye Mouse”

I think I’m in love with her.

—

2. record store

Leave it to loudmouth Phoenix to tell the daggers you had a date tonight. And if you remember correctly Jake had look like he taken a bite into a lemon, sour and confused of why you had a date. When you could be dating him.

“Come on Y/n, your going ditch takeout with me for a random date tonight?”, His eyes fan over to you, as you stood at his kitchen sink.

“Well excuse me Seresin some of us weren’t grace with beauty like others”, you snapped, throwing your lipstick in your purse hastily.

“Goodbye Jake”, you turned on your heel not daring to look back to see if Jake even cared enough to come after you.

You lonely walked the aisles of the record store alone, it was too good to be true, why would a man like Jordan waste him time on you. Maybe you weren’t destined for love—maybe your life would end with you being old cat lady who’s suffered from a broken heart decades early.

You found yourself standing infront of various records Ready to Die, At Last, Enter The Wutang—36 Chambers. All of your favorites album.

“Well at least I know music taste”, God damn it you recognized the arrogant accent from anywhere.

You counted to five before turning around to see Jake. “H-Hello”, you stutter out, Jake was in a three piece suit, with a bouquet of lily’s in his hand. Your favorite flowers, the suit you helped him pick out weeks ago.

“Hey there darlin”, he leans over you—dropping a kiss onto your hair. “I’m sorry for being a bastard”, Jake softly apologizes to you. Your taken back at the softness of his voice.

“How did you—”, you cut yourself off unsure if really wanted the answer.

“Easy, Bradshaw told me that jackass was at the hard deck with a girl hanging off his arm”. , Your shoulders deflated with sadness, you were right- no man is going to spend time with a woman like you. Tears trickled down your face—“Hey, Hey sweetheart whats with the tears?”. His voice more softer.

Your shoulders bounce with sadness at your face found it’s self into the crook of Jake’s neck. “I just wished someone loved me”, you mumbled, to him yet he could hear how much emotion filled your words.

“Come on sweetheart, what do you think i’m doing down here”, he pulls you from him—“You don’t need that jackass to have fun, you have me?”, he whispered into your ear.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah” he promised, “I booked us a reservation at Gio’s, and besides Bradshaw and Trace tossed Jordan on his ass after they caught him”. A bit of laughter came out your mouth as you smiled. “Two black eyes and a suit don’t mix well together”, he lightly poked at you.

“Fine Seresin”, you interlocked arms with him, “Lead the way”.

He could feel his heart throb with excitement.

“Alrighty Y/n you win”. you and Jake walked arm and arm to his car before he opens the car door for you, ushering you into his car. You flashed a smile at him.

I think I’m in love with her.

—

3. uss?(day of the mission)

“I came to see Lieutenant Jake Seresin”, your tone wavering with fear, logically you knew he was fine—you saw him and Bradley shake hands and smile at each other. But that didn’t mean anything to you, not after you lost Hunter in the air.

“Lieutenant L/n” the doctor tone drenched with stress, “Seresin is busy—”, she was cut off by a southern accent filled with arrogance.

“I’m very good. In fact, I am too good to be true.”, the doctor scoffs-sidestepping, granting you access to Jake.

The cocky son of bitch was laid out on the cot with a grin on his face. “Haven’t see you in a bit sweetheart”. He was laying there as if he hadn’t almost lost his life.

You must’ve allowed some type of emotion to cross your face because the next thing you knew a brusied Jake was pulling down with towards him. Your head tucked under his chin, as you both laid in silence.“Feeling that Y/n?”, he drawled out.

“Yeah I do”, your voice is gentle. “J..Jake I thought I lost you”, your voice wavered.

“I know sweetheart I thought I did too”, he sits up with you in his lap.“I had to save Pops and Rooster you know that right?”.

“Without a doubt”, you managed to run your fingers through his hair. “And you did amazing job of that too, whilst also scaring the shit outta of me”.

“I’m surprised Cyclone isn’t here yet, tearing me a new one”, Jake tells you—adding a kiss to your hand.

“He’s coming soon for a debrief, and the last thing he needs is two of his top lieutenants laid up in bed together Jake”. you tried moving from his embrace.

Jake easily held you back“Y/n I really don’t give a damn right now”.

“Jake”, you said.

“What sweetheart?”.

“Kiss me”, you playfully puckered your lips out.

“God damn darlin took you look enough”, his hand cupped the back of your head.

“I’m in love with her”

[astraysimp]

Mini Binnie

I'm back-kinda! This is based on this ask

Hi everyone! I am back with my first full fic in a while! Sorry it has taken me so long, I have had many many many mental breakdowns BUT I AM FEELING BETTER AND DRINKING WATEER! YIPPEE!  This is for my lovely 🍒 anon! Who is my first request, like ever, so thank you lovely anon! I saw the words chunky baby and i KNEW  I had to whip something up. Soooooo, enjoy my loves!!!!

Pairing: Changbin x reader AND BINNA (THE CHUNKY BUBBA)

Warnings: this might suck bc I haven’t sat down and written a full fic in a while so I sorry, dad!changbinnie, 10 month old Binna( our chunky bubby), FLUFF FLUFF,, italicized text indeicates reference to the past, pet names,simp binnie, playful teasing,fem!reader, let me know if i missed anything 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

10 months ago, you and your husband Changin welcomed your daughter into this world. Her name is Binna and she is yours and Changbin’s world. Changbin was the proudest dad to be and is now the proudest dad. 

Even in your 42 week pregnancy— Binna came late, loving her warm, safe home in your belly a little too much— he was proudly telling everyone and everyone that he came across that he was going to be a dad. And when i say everyone, i mean everyone. He told strangers, his bandmates ( like a million and one times), JYP, his managers, he told STAY on bubble and in lives, he told his stylists, his bandmates’ stylists, he even told you. 

Currently, you were about 30 weeks into your pregnancy. So, your bump was round and proud. You and Changbin wer5e cuddled on your couch, watching your favorite k-drama as he rubbed your belly. Turning to you, an ecstatic giggle tumbled from his lips. “Yes, jagi?” you asked him, pausing the drama on the Tv in front of you. “I’m going to be a dad.” He giggled, his hands caressing your bump. “Yes, you are, Binnie.’ you patted his hand and laughed. “A baby. Our baby, jagiya!” he exclaimed, he was just exploding with excitement. Yes, you knew you were having a baby, your bump proving the point. But, you couldn’t crush his cute excitement.

Pressing a kiss to his cheek, you giggled. “You know, i hope she looks like you, binnie.” Gasp, “yah! You can;t just say things like that to me, yeobo!” he pouted. “Why not, my binnie?” You giggled, pinching his  plump cheek. Oh, that’s why. Sniffling, he whined and whined. “I’ll cry, jagiyaaaaaa.” oh, he was so cute. “Baby, why are you crying?” 

“You said you hope our baby looks like me,” he sniffled out.

And you thought your pregnancy hormones were all over the board. Well, at least he’s cute. 

Holding his cheeks in your hands, you pressed a plethora of soft kisses all around the perimeter of his face. “Waaahhhhhhh. My Binnie is so cute!”  you google out, seeing a soft crimson blush rise up his neck, cover his cheeks and tint his ears. “Why is my hubby blushing? You’re too cute?” nYou teased, his eyes crinkling as his perfectly straight pearly white teeth flashed with his wide grin. “You’re making me! Yeoboooooo!” 

“How am i  making you blush, huh binnie?” you giggled, as his hands resumed their usual belly rubbing. Such belly rubbing causing your already daddy’s girl to kick from her secure place in your womb. Laughing, you pinched his cheeks, “see. Even Binna thinks her appa’s cute!” 

Again, he giggled, as a blush tinted his cheeks again.

“Shush, yeobo.”

That was a little over 11 months ago. Since then, you and Changbin have been soaking up the precious times with your baby girl. When she became Earth side, you remember how chubby she was– and still is. Her late birth made her a chunky and squishy baby. 10 pounds and 5 ounces to be exact. So, safe to say, Binna is a chunky girl. And a replica of her appa– big brown doe eyes, the same smile, raven black her and the same giggle.

Oh, her giggle, one to match her appa’s. 

Currently, you were sitting next to Changbin on your couch, a 10 month old Binna on his lap. She was giggling and hitting her hands against his chest as Changbin’s lips were blowing raspberries on her cheeks. “Hi, Binna! Binna bear!” you cooed, leaning over to press a kiss to her cheek. 

Giggling, she squealed and turned her head to look at you. “Eomma!” she squealed– although her first word was appa. Something Changbin was very  proud of and told everyone. “Hi baby doll! Are you having so much fun?” you perched, as one of her small, chubby hands reached towards you.

Taking her hand in your, you smiled and playfully bit at it. “Eomma! Eomma!” She exclaimed, plopping herself to lay against Changbin’s chest. Smiling, Changbin held her close to his chest, his hands supporting her back and legs. “My binna bear, give appa some love,” he pouted, pressing his lips to her forehead. Gasping, she looked up at him, her pink lips forming a small o-shape, before forming a gummy smile as she giggled. “Appa!” she exclaimed, her short legs kicking. 

reaching her arms up, she pressed her hands against his cheeks, smooshing them to make a fish face. “Appa!” She squealed, loud, high pitched giggles falling from her lips. “Ppo-ppo?” Changbin asked, hands lightly tapping on her bum, as he puckered his lips even more. Puckering her own lips, Binna raised herself to be level with Changbin’s face. 

What Changbin thought would be his daughter giving him a sweet kiss, was not that. 

Puckering her lips, Binna leaned and bit down on Changbin’s chin. “I-Binna bear, what are you doing, bubba? I wanted a kiss.” He laughed, feeling her nomming and gumming at his chin. The cold wetness of her drool coating the slightly stubbled skin of his chin. “Okay, princess, come here,” you cooed.

Leaning back, you carefully lifted her off his chin and subsequently off of his chest. “Yah! Yah yah yah, I still haven’t gotten my kiss,” Changbin whined, seeing Binna curl into your hold, her hands holding a tight grasp onto your shirt, as you peppered her chubby face in kisses. “Oh hush, let me love on my princess,” you retorted. “Binnie, you get plenty plenty plenty of kisses. Doesn’t he, princess? Doesn’t appa get so many kisses?” You smiled, as she giggled and kicked her feet. “Eomma! Eomma ppo-ppo!” She giggled, smacking her lips together. “Yes, baby. Kisses for eomma,” you giggled, kissing her lips. 

Pouting, Changbin leaned over, with his lips puckered. “Not fair, jagiya! I want Binna kisses too,” he pouted, watching Binna smack her lips onto yours. “How about me, binna bear?” He pouted, leaning in to try to steal a kiss. “Eomma kiss!” She squealed back, much to Changbin’s dismay and chagrin. “Wha-why not appa, binna bear?” He pouted, pretending to sniffle.

What a dramatic man. Hanging out with Hyunjin too much,although he would disagree.

Laughing, you squeezed binna to your chest as she kissed your cheeks. “Waaah! Thank you, angel! So many kisses for eomma!” You laughed, watching as Changbin’s jaw dropped. Bro was flabbergasted, appalled, taken aback. He was shook. 

“Wh-why does eomma get kisses but not me, binna?” all Binna did was giggle, continuing to give you kisses. Squealing happily, Binna laid her small chunky body against your chest and smiled. “Because she loves meeeeeeeee. Isn’t that right, princess?” You cooed, rocking her back and forth in your arms. “Love eomma so much so much, huh, Binna bear?” Nodding her head, she pressed her lips against yours before resorting to laying her chubby cheek against your shoulder.

Maybe, she wasn’t so much of a daddy’s girl after all. Lies. Binna was the epitome of a daddy’s girl. Oh, she’s crying? Changbin walks in and those tears dry up and she goes back to being her bubbly self.  She can’t fall asleep? Put her on Binnie’s chest and she’s out like a light. You’re trying to feed her mashed veggies and she won;t eat them? Let Changbin feed Binna and she'll eat those veggies right up. 

Daddy’s girl

But, you could pretend for a little bit that she was a mommy’s girl. Just for now, until her daddy’s girl side came back out. 

Smiling, you cuddled her small body close to you, her arms curled around your neck for some much needed eomma cuddles. “But…. she’s my binna bear…just want a kiss is all.” He sighed out, gently running his hand over her pink sleeper onesie clad back. “Binnie, my sweet sweet husband….you know she’s the biggest daddy’s girl. She clings to you, day in and day out. Not that I'm complaining. I find it adorable, you and your mini. But, she needs momma kisses and cuddles sometimes.” You conceded, gently leaning forward to press your lips to his in a soft kiss. “I know, jagiya. I know,” You soothed back, running his knuckle over your knuckle. “You’re the best wife, eomma and partner anyone could have. I don’t blame her for needing some lovings from you, in fact I want to join,” he giggled.

“Join? Yah, be careful, you sap.” You teased, as he maneuvered himself to be fully wrapped around your side. Much like Binna was cuddled into your shoulder with her cheek pressed against you and her arms curled around your neck; Changbin was wrapped around you. His arms curling around your waist with his head on the opposite shoulder.

Sighing, you turned and kissed a kiss to his forehead before repeating the same to Binna. “Aigo, now I have two cuddly babies, don’t i?” you pondered to yourself. Nodding, Changbin smiled and pressed a soft kiss to the underside of your jaw. “Indeed you do, yeobo. Me and my mini.” situating yourself into a more comfortable position, you leaned to settle your back further into the couch. “Now, how am I going to get up if I have to use the bathroom?” You questioned, feeling him nuzzle further into your side. “We’ll figure that out when we get there, yeobo.” he smiled, his big brown eyes filled with nothing but pure love and adoration for you.

You really do have two babies, in the best way. There was a lot of Changbin’s personality that showed and carried in Binna’s.  She got his bubbly personality, his eyes, his laugh and giggle and his love for your love and cuddles. 

 she was the epitome of a daddy’s girl. She’s tired? Give her to Binnie and she’ll fall asleep in the snap of a finger. She’s upset or fussy? Not when her appa holds her and kisses her cheeks. You made pureed veggies and she won’t eat them? Sure, not when you try to feed her. But, let Changbin feed her and those veggies will be eaten without crying, fussing or a tantrum. 

And her favourite plushy? You guessed it….dwaekki.  

Curling himself into your side, Changbin laid his head on your shoulder and pressed a soft kiss to the underside of your jaw. Unknowingly, his knee was pressing against your lower region. “Aigo, Changbin-ah. Don’t do that please, my love. Then I’ll have to pee.” You breathed out, wiggling in your spot a bit. “Oops. sorry, jagi.” He nodded, head still tucked into your shoulder as he moved his leg to sit lower. “Thank you baby.” You smiled, pressing a kiss to his nose.

Laying into the couch, you sighed. “At least if I have to go to the bathroom, I can take binna with me.”  Wait, Binna goes but not him? Changbin thought to himself. So he pouted and looked up at you.“If you go to the bathroom, I get to go right too?” he asked, settled into your side. “I-what kind of question is that Changbin? Why would you go.” “Well, it only seems fair and right since baby princess gets to go.” this man. He is something, that’s for sure. “Binnie….I love you and all. I do, really but please be so for real.”

Time had passed so fast that neither you or Changbin had realised it was 8 o’clock. Which was Binna’s usual bedtime. So, she would eventually grow sleepy and  fall asleep. However, Changbin was still tightly curled around your body. His arms around your waist and one leg thrown over the tops of your thighs. 

Changbin had always fallen asleep if he was cuddled to you, and Binna would as well. Well, when she wasn’t in Changbin’s arms.  While being so befuddled by your dear husband asking if he was going to the bathroom with you, you had failed to notice how Binna had gone completely relaxed against you and fallen asleep. 

Peeking down at her, you smiled to yourself seeing how her eyes had closed, dark eyelashes fanning over her chubby cheeks. While her arms were still curled around your neck, they had gone more lax. A state of sleepiness and relaxation consuming her small body. Her legs were relaxed, lax against your torso. “Awwwww, princess is asleep, bin.” You smiled, gently rubbing her back. 

“She is,hm” He smiled, gently lifting his head to see his 10 month old daughter so completely relaxed and at peace in your arms. “Mhm. My cuddles do have that effect. Even on you,binnie. “ It was true. Something abo0ut being in your arms or just curled around you brought a sense of peace and urged anyone to fall asleep within minutes. Especially Binna and Changbin.

Changbin could never place a finger on it as to why your cuddles so easily made him fall asleep. Maybe it was the way you would play with his hair or run your hands up and down the expanse of his back. Maybe it was your soft scent, a scent he knew as home– soft cashmere notes tinged with vanilla and a hint of a light spice. Whatever it was , he would never complain. Often getting the best sleep when he was in your arms or cuddled up to your body and Binna seemed to be the same.

Feeling himself yawn, he nestled his head into your shoulder and pressed a kiss to the space of skin that your shirt didn’t cover. “Sleepy, binnie?” you perched, pressing a kiss to his temple before resting your cheek against his soft black curls. “Mhm,” was all he was able to get out before another yawn cut him off. 

His strong arms, once tightly wound around your waist, had loosened their hold. Still, they were holding you and Binna close to him and his leg had relaxed on its spot on your lap. He was almost there, the realm of his dreams creeping upon him and embracing him in their hold. The big brown eyes that had been passed onto his daughter, asleep in your hold, drew closed. His own eyelashes spanning the tops of his cheeks. 

Smiling to yourself, you gently manoeuvred your cuddle puddle so you could lay more comfortably on the large plush couch. Binna still safe, tucked against your chest with Changbin curled into your side. Pressing a kiss to his hair, you smiled and repeated the same to Binna’s hair. “Good night, binnie. I love you to the moon and back.” 

“I love you too, forever,” was all you heard before falling asleep yourself. Warmly welcomed to the world of dreams where you would see Binna and Binnie, even while asleep. 

They were yours forever. Binnie and Binna, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. Blessed was an understatement when it comes to the lights of your life. 

🌟Hi hi hi! I hope you guys enjoy this fic! I think I am slowly easing my way back into writing so please bear with me! I love you all! My requests are open for drabbles or full fics. Reblogs are appreciated 🌟 

🌟REPOSTING ON ANY PLATFORM, STEALING, REPUBLISHING WITHOUT MY CONSENT, TRANSLATING OR IN ANY WAY CLAIMING MY WORKS IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED AND YOU WILL BE BLOCKED🌟©AStraySimp2023 🌟

Tags: @httpdwaekki ♡ @straykeedz♡ @straykeedz-recs♡ @number1jeonginstan ♡ @itsnotmydejavu ♡ @galaxycatdrawz♡ @chqnverse ♡ @thefantasyden ♡ @turtledove824 ♡ if I missed you in tags please let me know ♡ tag list is open ♡

[growup-thatbeautiful]

Pretty Girl | 3. been on my mind

1. pretty girl | 2. lover, you should’ve come over | 3. been on my mind | 4. last goodbye | 5. hold my hand

Warnings: explicit language

——————————————————————————

Instagram

liked by y/n.username, roo_bradshaw, thereal_javy, and 980,828 more

hangman.jake i’m their cool uncle

view 67,892 comments

delilah.seresin they only have one uncle

-> jake.seresin unrelated

bob.bob.floyd i find that hard to believe

jakeysgirl he loves his family so much awwww

thereal_javy true

thereal_javy only because i’m not blood related though

tasha.trace if by cool you mean lame then yes

-> hangman.jake ouch

y/nislife i need to know if y/n was there

-> y/nfanpage fr me too

r_paybackfinch aw cute

-> r_paybackfinch ^ them not you

y/n.username best uncle ever

-> halo_cal_bass he paid you to say that didn’t he

-> halo_cal_bass i know you’re scheming

penny_benny A lovely family!

-> hangman.jake thank you for commenting nicely

-> y/n.username hey :(

-> hangman.jake you too <3

-> y/n.username mhm

-> y/n.username you’re on thin ice buddy

——————————————————————————

Messages

roo: if there’s nothing to tell then what is this

*roo sent a screenshot*

tash: literally </3

roo: flirting in instagram comments is not a joke

you: guys

you: you’re acting like you didn’t do the exact same thing

tash: i-

tash: how could you use that against me?

tash: when i’ve been so supportive

you: 🙃

roo: where’s hangman

you: he’s reading all these messages over my shoulder

tash: hi bagman

you: he says hi :)

jakey: that is not what i said

you: i may have changed the words a little

jakey: you changed everything

you: i like positivity

tash: anyway

tash: now that bagman decided to join us

tash: spill

roo: what she said

jakey: whatever are you talking about

you: i know nothing

tash: LIARS

roo: unacceptable answer

roo: …

tash: i know you’re sitting there talking about this

tash: you’re not smooth

roo: just tell us

jakey: since when are you so fucking nosy rooster

roo: when you started keeping secrets

you: jake and i

tash: FINALLY

you: are telling you that

roo: this better fucking be real

jakey: 🖕

you: we’re together

you: good teamwork jake

you: way to keep the vibe

jakey: anytime baby

tash: ew stop

you: this is what you wanted??

roo: no go back

roo: i thought about it and i don’t like it

you: impossible.

——————————————————————————

Instagram

y/n.username added to their story

——————————————————————————

Messages

you: how would you feel if i told you i could come to san diego again

tash: i would feel honored

you: i might have a short job there

tash: now?

you: yeah they had a cancellation and called me to fill in

you: and that way i can fly with jake instead of alone to ny

tash: smart

tash: when do you leave?

you: …30 minutes

tash: GIRL

tash: text me when you’re getting on the plane

tash: and when you land

you: got it

——————————————————————————

Instagram

liked by thereal_javy, y/n.fan, hangmanswife, and 394,1039 more

enews Are we dreaming? I hope not!

Model Y/n Y/L/N and Jake “Hangman” Seresin were seen together in the San Diego Airport. According to sources, they’ve been spending the past few weeks in each other’s company, as shown by their recent, frequent social media posts together.

Most know Seresin to be part of the self-titled “Maverick’s” group, made up of Pete Mitchell, Bradley Bradshaw, Natasha Trace, and more. Y/n, Trace’s long-term friend, and Jake met years ago, but have remained just friends for that time. Could things have finally changed? We say yes!

view 87,920 comments

y/nfanpage no way

y/nfanpage this better be true

ellieslip bro not her going through guys like that 🫰

phoenixislife i liked her with davey better tbh

jakeysgirl wait they’re actually so cute

models.page i thought she lived in new york?? why is she always in san diego 😭

-> bobby_pins she goes there because her friends are there and because of jake apparently

y/n.fan not javy liking this 😭 he knows something we don’t

——————————————————————————

Messages

you: they’re onto us

jakey: i’m going to need some more information than that sweetheart

jakey: who’s onto us? what are they onto?

you: you’re a dick

jakey: yeah, and?

you: the media is figuring things out

you: connecting the dots

jakey: we haven’t exactly been subtle

you: i mean technically i’ve been soft launching a bf

you: so i can announce you

jakey: wtf

jakey: is this a legal thing?

jakey: do i need to do this?

you: how do you not know what this is

you: it’s like a teaser

you: for a relationship

you: and no it’s definitely not legally required

jakey: but why

you: for funzies

jakey: strange

jakey: so do you want to post first?

you: i would like to, pls?

jakey: of course, baby

——————————————————————————

Instagram

liked by tasha.trace, halo_cal_bass, hangman.jake, and 1,007,357 more

y/n.username my ☀️, 🌙, and ⭐️

view 98,382 comments

thereal_javy they told me first

thereal_javy i’m their favorite

-> tasha.trace debatable

roo_bradshaw FINALLY

roo_bradsahw i’m so bad at keeping secrets this is a relief

-> y/n.username glad we could help you out bud

jakeyswife yet another boy for her to ruin…

amelia.a.benjamin HA I KNEW IT

penny.benny Called it! Someone’s gotta keep Jake in line 😉

y/n.fan OMG ITS HAPPENING

y/n.fan FRIENDS TO LOVERS FR

bob.bob.floyd “nothings going on bobby” LIARS

bob.bob.floyd you will be hearing from my lawyer about this

-> picsofmodels real

halo_cal_bass i think you added pictures of jake instead of pictures of me…

-> y/n.username you’re right, what a silly mistake

hangman.jake now i can call you sweetheart in public without you glaring!

-> y/n.username maybe…

-> tasha.trace nothing ever stopped you before

hangjake damn she’s gonna run out of guys to date

r_paybackfinch how did this even happen

r_paybackfinch the world is upside down cause i could have sworn you told us nothing was going on…

r_paybackfinch JK HAPPY FOR YOUUU

——————————————————————————

Messages

jakey: do you have plans tonight?

you: no

you: i should finish the shoot around 2 though

jakey: okay

jakey: i have tickets to an event that i wasn’t planning on going to

you: okay?

you: is this you inviting me or?

jakey: do you want to go?

jakey: it could be our first public couple thing

jakey: we can be infuriatingly cute the whole time

you: yes please

jakey: consider it done

——————————————————————————

liked by tasha.trace, bob.bob.floyd, thereal_javy, and 789,031 more

hangman.jake had the absolute best night with my lovely girl

view 56,394 comments

tasha.trace she’s really my girl but okay

tasha.trace need more pics of the yellow dress immediately

-> y/n.username of course babe

fanforhangman mom and dad fr

y/n.username hi babyyy

y/n.username he means me guys 😁

roo_bradshaw shame we couldn’t go and do a double date

-> y/n.username we missed you and tash :((

thereal_javy good night, bud!

thereal_javy go to sleep it’s 3 am

-> hangman.jake ok

y/ndaily he looks so good in that second pic

-> seresin.hubby he really does

-> picsy/n it’s the y/n effect

penny.benny All the love for my favorite couple!

-> amelia.a.benjamin mom ew

amelia.a.benjamin looks like fun! invite me next time

-> y/n.username you’re 12

-> amelia.a.benjamin 16

halo_cal_bass my fav girl and my second fav cowboy

-> hangman.jake i don’t know how to react to that

delilah.seresin you better have bought her those shoes

-> hangman.jake ….i will now

——————————————————————————

you: darling

you: lovely

you: <33

jakey: sweetheart

you: can you open my melatonin bottle pls

jakey: …

jakey: i feel used

you: simply don’t

you: i need helppp

jakey: it’s a child proof bottle

jakey: are you a child?

you: people have different strengths and weaknesses

you: do you want me to be more sleep deprived than i already am??

jakey: no

jakey: if you’re sleep deprived i want to be the reason why

you: so you’ll help?

jakey: yes

——————————————————————————

Instagram

y/n.username added to their story

——————————————————————————

Messages

tash: i tried to call jake but he didn’t answer

tash: i wanted to warn you

you: jake’s at the gym, what’s up?

you: it must be bad if you willingly almost talked to jake

tash: first off he’s not that bad, you know i can’t help making fun of him

tash: he makes it too easy

you: i know <3

tash: second off

tash: dave did an interview with vouge

tash: and it’s pretty bad

you: shit

you: bad bad?

tash: yeah

tash: idk how much of it is true

you: things got pretty fucked up

you: so it could be true

tash: fuck.

you: fuck.

——————————————————————————

A/n who’s dave? why is that so bad? do i have a plan? find all of this out and more in the next part lol

taglist lovelies: @rosiahills22 @fangirlvibez @djs8891

[thecircularsystem]

You said you didn't experience stress or the other word with your diagnosis

Are you genuinely saying you don't experience stress with derealization or depersonalisation or dissociation?? I guess not everyone experiences it like me but you don't get distressed when your brain tries to convince you that you're not real? Do you experience denial? Doesn't that stress you out?

I'm sure that it's possible to live without stress but like, really?

Genuinely asking just shocked at the idea

Transcribed continuation of ask: To be clear I’m saying the cons of the dissociation and the other stuff don’t outweigh the pros of being a system? Like get there eventually sure I’d much prefer to get there eventually but idk from the offset? /End ID

Hey, thanks for the asks. I like discussing this a lot, as someone who experiences very little distress anymore over my system symptoms (lol). Fair warning, this post gets into a lot of trauma stuff. TW for descriptions of abuse and a bit of ideation discussion!

Here’s the kicker: I really don’t experience many symptoms anymore.

By the time I got diagnosed, I didn’t experience those nearly as much. I used to go into what I called dissociative fugue — stare at a wall time — for hours, and that was distressing. But that is far, far in my past now. I can distinctly remember the last time it happened, which was over 2 years ago at this point. I can’t tell you the last time I lost track of the fact that I’m a real, living, breathing person. That was when I had just started therapy, and since then, I don’t… feel it anymore. It’s not part of my experience.

When I first realized, “something weird is happening in my head,” I was definitely distressed… for about 5 minutes. Then my friend (abusive) told me she experienced the same exact thing, and so I was normal. I found… a lot of joy from my system after that. I convinced myself that my “characters” in my head were made up to take care of different stressful parts of my life, and I assumed everyone was sort of like this. Like, Wade did home life and Sierra did school life. Isn’t that what my Mom described, “being a different person at work than at home”?

So I didn’t experience distress over my symptoms. And, well, at the same time, I did. I lost time constantly, but I didn’t realize it was my system. I thought I was just an idiot. I was significantly depressed, but I figured that was… yknow. Depression. Not Trauma(tm) whispering in my brain. But that was it, and the thing is, I usually... forgot I had felt bad in the first place. After all, I was only depressed when Wade was out; Sierra was at school and she felt fine. So really, I was only depressed when I was at home, and even then, it only happened now and then, and was I really depressed? Naaaah.

It was like that for a long time. And then, we split our persecutor, and the Two Years of Blackout Memory happened, and then boy howdy were we distressed and dysfunctional. But again, I don't remember most of college -- I don't remember that distress and dysfunction. I remember it happened, and my fiance could definitely tell some stories (maybe @circulars-singlet has stuff they could say on this matter), but for the most part, I don't feel it anymore.

When I got my diagnosis, it was after moving out from my parents house. I'd been gone for about a half a year and living with my partner, who really helped me overcome a lot of my problems. They're the one who helped me the most, forcing me to get a therapist. Three weeks later, I'm diagnosed and getting weekly therapy.

And now, with three years under my belt... I don't know, like...

When I start to doubt I'm real, I roll my eyes and hug myself. I flick my nose. "If I'm not real, take that, asshole." When I start to dissociate, I have my partner there to help me come back relatively quickly, or I can ground myself fairly readily. It doesn't distress me because it's so normal now. Genuinely, my autism distresses me far more, I get so in my head about it.

The cons of my systemhood absolutely do not outweigh the pros. I am alive today because of these chucklefucks in my head. I am alive today because I have the ability to forget it all. I am alive today because I did not feel like it was happening to me.

And now I can recognize it was me, and I can breathe and acknowledge I'm safe. I can recognize I'm real, and that's okay. I can communicate readily with all my parts, and we function together as well as we can. When I do get distressed, we can handle it, and it happens so rarely due to DID things that I don't really find my DID to be distressing.

Instead, I get 14 other people helping me each day, which nobody else gets the benefit of in my life. Score! And hey, the amnesia means I get to relive some of my favorite things that I never knew were favorites. The dissociation means I can just... ignore bad stuff.

There's definitely worry. I won't pretend that EVERY OUNCE of distress is gone, and lord knows I am dysfunctional as hell. But...

It's still an incredibly good life, and I owe that life to my DID. It's not a disorder, dragging me down. It's a disorder built from necessity and survival. And I couldn't be more thrilled that I was strong enough to survive that.

Does that make sense?

[sserajeans]

you are in love | 34. lee y/n, believe in yourself (written)

it was the morning of the snhs swim team's departure, and lee y/n sat by the kitchen counter staring blankly at her half-filled bowl of cereal. the girl was dressed in her team's tracksuit with a white shirt under the jacket, infamously known for being the prettiest merch from the school clubs. y/n had wonyoung to thank for that.

"that thing won't eat itself, unnie."

hyein sighed, taking the seat beside her older sister with her own bowl of cereal in her hands.

"what's wrong?"

silence filled the air for a solid minute. y/n's expression unchanged, she zipped down the jacket and sighed before taking a spoon of her cereal.

"what if i come back empty-handed?"

hyein's gaze shifted to the kitchen counter the two were eating on, her mind rushing to think of the best words to use to comfort her sister.

"i mean. this isn't my last shot at the national team, i know that. but i at least need scouts for college, and if i mess this up..."

hyein nodded to at least show y/n she was listening, before taking a deep breath, hand on her sister's shoulder.

"truth is, unnie, no one knows for sure what the results of these games are. and i wish i could travel in time to tell you so you'd feel better, but i can't. however, the one thing i am sure of is that you've practiced your best and worked your hardest, just like you always have, and that seemed to have brought good results, right?"

"yeah, i guess so."

"so believe in yourself, unnie. i'll believe in you twice as much in your place if you can't."

y/n nodded and hugged her sister from the side, the younger rubbing her back in comfort. "thank you. it's times like these where i forget you're younger."

"wise words, what can i say?"

the older of the two rolled her eyes, and the lee sisters went on with their breakfast, conversing until their bowls of cereal went empty. perfect enough timing for minji to show up at the door.

the school doesn't usually provide transport when it came to sending less delegates in competitions. in this case, only y/n, minji, and two other swimmers from junior year, qualified to compete. because of this, y/n and minji decided to go to the airport together, courtesy to minji's older brother for driving.

seeing y/n and hyein from the living room window, minji proceeded to step into the unlocked house, the same way she has for the past how-many years.

"y/n! we leave in 5 minutes, and hi hyein."

y/n rolled her eyes and stood up to roll her luggage and duffle bag outside the door to help minji's brother load it in the car. she came back inside for one final check before leaving the house for what'd probably be about 3 weeks. by the time she ensured she hadn't left a single thing, she turned around to debrief her sister.

"you're staying at jiwoo's right?"

"yup."

"lock the door when you leave."

"got it."

"and if you need help, call hanni or zuha-unnie."

"i know."

"and if it's really drastic call them then me, okay?"

"okay!"

"and i-"

"unnie!"

y/n chuckled and gave her sister one last hug before zipping up her jacket and stuffing her hands in the pockets.

"i know, i know... i'll miss you though, even if it's just like 3 weeks."

"gross. i'll miss my free wallet too."

"shut up, hyeni."

"hehe, good luck unnie! you too, minji-unnie. whatever happens, you'll make us and snhs proud."

and those were the exact words both minji and y/n needed before heading off to a competition representing not just their school, but their country, and most importantly, themselves.

masterlist. next.

taglist: @yyeonmis @lostamoeba @jisooftme @yoontoonwhs @awkwardtoafault @kvnii @lcv3lies @limbforalimb @spritin @kaypanaq @i06kkura @manooffline @kimsgayness @justme-idle @jenaissantex @mightymyo @sewiouslyz @txtbrainrot @li0ilthecxnt @captivq @paranoxic @sofakingwoso @daniellobers @pandafuriosa60 @haerinkisser @staryujinnie @wowowowcake @lesleepyyy @haechansbbg @rosiehrs @jiwoneiric @blue4hour

[illegalsekrit-3g]

Trigun Book Club - Trimax Ch 5

Blog migration!!!! Sorry this took so long, I didn't have anything concrete to say about chapter 5 so I thought "I'll just do some panel analysis" and then that ground me to a halt for like uhhh two months! oops!

Also I bought the new deluxe editions on boxing day and kinda got lost re-reading them both. Double oops!

But anyway here we go. This is from pg 144

I loved the action in this whole chapter, it was really fun! I wanted to see if I could reproduce this panel as a study.

What I love most about this panel is the energy of the gesture and the way that the clouds and smoke support the composition. There's such an angularity to this pose! Nightow also loves to use big spot blacks and builds these really interesting shapes with Vash's crazy coat.

"Pencil" layer, these clouds have such interesting shapes.

"Inks" - I'm pretty sure this was inked originally with a G-Nib which is a much thinner type of pen than I usually use for inking. I'm also inking this digitally, which is a big difference.

With the spot blacks added in you can really see how much work they're doing to ANCHOR this whole drawing. The big center piece draws your attention up and immediately to the gun, and it's then reinforced by the smoke cloud. All the clouds around the sides are just supporting the whole thing. Super cool :)

Last piece of this puzzle is a screentone which I think is 70% grey. A little hard to tell the exact LPI because it's been scanned and printed and then scanned and then printed again so many times but 85 lines per inch makes it look pretty close. I'm pretty sure the distant clouds were achieved by a method called "tone scraping", which involves using an exacto knife to scrape away the little dots that are pasted on the paper.

Physical screentones were such an involved process... a true art in it of themselves. I just did it digitally with the eraser tool.

I don't think my final piece captures the same energy of the original because I was going so much more slowly trying to exactly reproduce every line. I'm kind of curious what would happen if I took another crack at it from memory alone, working in my own style and focusing only on capturing the gesture and energy. Still, I learned a lot trying to get every little line and shape exactly the same.

Thanks for reading and being patient with my glacial pace of analysis.

[coffeeman777]

Colossians 1

1 From: Paul, chosen by God to be Jesus Christ’s messenger, and from Brother Timothy.

2 To: The faithful Christian brothers—God’s people—in the city of Colosse.

May God our Father shower you with blessings and fill you with His great peace.

3 Whenever we pray for you, we always begin by giving thanks to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 4 for we have heard how much you trust the Lord, and how much you love His people. 5 And you are looking forward to the joys of heaven, and have been ever since the Gospel first was preached to you. 6 The same Good News that came to you is going out all over the world and changing lives everywhere, just as it changed yours that very first day you heard it and understood about God’s great kindness to sinners.

7 Epaphras, our much-loved fellow worker, was the one who brought you this Good News. He is Jesus Christ’s faithful slave, here to help us in your place. 8 And he is the one who has told us about the great love for others that the Holy Spirit has given you.

9 So ever since we first heard about you we have kept on praying and asking God to help you understand what He wants you to do; asking Him to make you wise about spiritual things; 10 and asking that the way you live will always please the Lord and honor Him, so that you will always be doing good, kind things for others, while all the time you are learning to know God better and better.

11 We are praying, too, that you will be filled with His mighty, glorious strength so that you can keep going no matter what happens—always full of the joy of the Lord, 12 and always thankful to the Father who has made us fit to share all the wonderful things that belong to those who live in the Kingdom of light. 13 For He has rescued us out of the darkness and gloom of Satan’s kingdom and brought us into the Kingdom of His dear Son, 14 who bought our freedom with His blood and forgave us all our sins.

15 Christ is the exact likeness of the unseen God. He existed before God made anything at all, and, in fact, 16 Christ Himself is the Creator who made everything in heaven and earth, the things we can see and the things we can’t; the spirit world with its kings and kingdoms, its rulers and authorities; all were made by Christ for His own use and glory. 17 He was before all else began and it is His power that holds everything together. 18 He is the Head of the body made up of His people—that is, His Church—which He began; and He is the Leader of all those who arise from the dead, so that He is first in everything; 19 for God wanted all of Himself to be in His Son.

20 It was through what His Son did that God cleared a path for everything to come to Him—all things in heaven and on earth—for Christ’s death on the cross has made peace with God for all by His blood. 21 This includes you who were once so far away from God. You were His enemies and hated Him and were separated from Him by your evil thoughts and actions, yet now He has brought you back as His friends. 22 He has done this through the death on the cross of His own human body, and now as a result Christ has brought you into the very presence of God, and you are standing there before Him with nothing left against you—nothing left that He could even chide you for; 23 the only condition is that you fully believe the Truth, standing in it steadfast and firm, strong in the Lord, convinced of the Good News that Jesus died for you, and never shifting from trusting Him to save you. This is the wonderful news that came to each of you and is now spreading all over the world. And I, Paul, have the joy of telling it to others.

24 But part of my work is to suffer for you; and I am glad, for I am helping to finish up the remainder of Christ’s sufferings for His body, the Church.

25 God has sent me to help His Church and to tell His secret plan to you Gentiles. 26-27 He has kept this secret for centuries and generations past, but now at last it has pleased Him to tell it to those who love Him and live for Him, and the riches and glory of His plan are for you Gentiles, too. And this is the secret: Christ in your hearts is your only hope of glory.

28 So everywhere we go we talk about Christ to all who will listen, warning them and teaching them as well as we know how. We want to be able to present each one to God, perfect because of what Christ has done for each of them. 29 This is my work, and I can do it only because Christ’s mighty energy is at work within me.

[wutheringheightsfilm]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @trans-yllz THANK YOU!!! i'll tag @neixins ehehe...

1). how many works do you have on ao3?

3!

2) what's your total ao3 word count?

131,244 and climbing baby

3) what are your top five fics by kudos?

i only have three but the order is odd geometry, that dream you could never get to, and lazarus

4) what fandoms do you write for?

currently, only cql/the untamed, but i have written for bbc merlin in the past and someday hope to again

5) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

yes! i always try to respond to most comments i get. i love having conversations with people and showing my readers they're appreciated!!! this is to incentivize more comments. LOL

6) what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ermm probably that dream you could never get to just because it ends canonically 😭

7) what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

well... remains to be seen as odd geometry is unfinished

8) do you get hate on fics?

luckily not! everyone has been very nice to me so far

9) do you write smut?

well. i'm going to eventually (terrified)

10) do you write crossovers?

absolutely not and i hate them. sorry to yuck someone's yum but they're so not for me

11) have you ever had a fic stolen?

hopefully not and if i ever do i'm going to [redacted]

12) have you ever had a fic translated?

no! but i would be honored if someone wanted to

13) have you ever cowritten a fic before?

nothing published, just me and my friend ian having a laugh. i'm otherwise way too bossy to work with anyone else. me and my friend myan also write together, but we don't work on the exact same story at the same time. it's also not fanfic to ME lol. we just make contributions to the same universe

14) what's your all time favorite ship?

wangxian <3 it hasn't stopped consuming my brain since i was 18

15) what's the wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh so many. probably that lan xichen pov because detentionnotes did it better than i ever will

16) what are your writing strengths?

um... i've been told that i have a very good grasp on introspective/emotional scenes, as well as political dynamics! i also do a LOT of research... even if you don't notice it 9 times out of 10 there was a lot of background that has gone into something. i think i'm really good at getting into a character's head most of the time, and i know i'm good at pacing.

17) what are your writing weaknesses?

scene setting. my lieutenant can affirm that one. i'm sure there's also simple grammar mistakes i keep making as well LMAO. sometimes i really do lose grasp of what i've done previously as well---i have a bad memory, so sometimes that translates into me writing inconsistent character behaviors or mentioning things that don't make sense in context. luckily i have my beloved beta reader lieutenant to catch these mistakes for me!!!

18) thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

can be done well sometimes, but most times it's unnecessary. unless you're translating it in the footnotes for readers i don't know why you'd include it.

19) first fandom you wrote for?

ask me no questions and i'll tell you no lies.

20) favorite fic you've ever written?

ODD GEOMETRY!!!! i'm begging you to read it i'm putting so much time and effort into this damn fucking thing and it's genuinely very good. i don't want to toot my own horn but it's true.

thank you ben for tagging me!! ily <3

[n0tamused]

So...did you understand the TB Quest or am I the only one lost? A lot of the terms and concepts and especially whatever was going on with Phainon went over my head.

Still confused about the relationship between Lygus and Irontomb.

Still confused about the previous Chrysos Heirs/Titans like Polluxia and Gnaeus.

What was the memory that we went through? Was it the 0th cycle? Were we actually there back in time or was it just like a projection? That whole beginning sequence with the fairies and Chrysos Heirs was weird to me and the fact that somehow in the memory past Phainon was able to reference Mydei (there's a line he says while looking for the cards about pomegranate juice that's a direct reference to Mydei). Seriously what was that?

Phainon's names and different selves confused me. And the whole world bearing deliverer thing. Then his rage and cold-hearted nature. And at the same time mentioning the whole "youthful easygoing persona" in his As I've Written Entry. Like it's essential to his development and character arc but I didn't understand much of it at all. And the whole inner hero bit. Also how are there two Phainon's? Like, the exact mechanics behind it still seem blurry to me. There's a bunch of different puzzle pieces that I know fit together but I feel like I can neither see what picture it's supposed to make nor what shape the individual pieces take.

Also I'm still confused on if the theories were wrong or right about Emanator of Destruction Phainon. On one hand, only an Emanator should be capable of fighting Zephyro but on the other hand I still don't know if that 2D sequence was real or simulation and if Phainon did become an Emanator then why can he still not leave Amphoreus and why was he absorbed by Irontomb in the end? That 2D anime scene was sick but it also confused the hell out of me. But hey look at my boy, he made a god bleed (whether it was real or not im still proud). If he's already an Emanator cool but if not then I kinda wish they'd waited till he did become one to release him cause it'll feel anticlimactic for him to become an Emanator after he already revealed his demiurge form (or whatever it's called).

Sorry for the long ask, I just don't have anyone else I can talk with about this. My discord is full of gooners who are like 5+ patches behind the story and don't get into the deep lore like I do.

Hi! Thank you for sending this in, since tbh I thought I was the only one left a bit confused by the quest. To be fair, it is still settling in for me so whatever I ramble on about here and make mistakes, please don't mind me lol

Spoilers for HSR 3.4 under the cut

From what I understood/interpreted, since TB held the coreflame of Time, they got inevitably tied to Amphoreus, and although we(TB) were given a choice to leave we did choose to stay, and thus we just went on into the next cycle. We are a variable in this world, and from what I could tell we grew up alongside Phainon and Cyrene in Aedes Elysia in this next cycle. We have all our memories thanks to that thing Screwllum gave us, so we weren't affected by the reset.

The 0 shown in that little cutscene is a bit puzzling, was it us going back in time? - This could also be it, in some way, we went back in time and sort of projected into the memories of Cyrene and Phainon(since there was a mention of only those two being able to really perceive us). Either way, we have integrated ourselves into Amphoreus and are witnessing the birth/creation of the Lord Ravager. (Post editing Jen here - I am more keen on this interpretation of us going back in time to cycle 0, bc of that Mydei and Phainon interaction before the scales that's later referred to as the "first time Mydei didn't use the term Deliverer in a bad way" as in the first cycle).

Also in terms of that fairy sequence where we see all the cards and visions of the Chyrsos heirs is a bit funny to me - since like...bro Phainon is seeing everyone he'll meet soon,,, but has not much of a reaction when he does see them?? Idk how to explain that but that's a minor detail, it's whatever in the grand scheme of things.

The pomegranate line didn't strike me as that deep in terms of Phainon, since he clearly doesn't remember anything from the cycles, so it could be just a little "easter egg" of sorts that does reference Mydei.

I haven't yet gone through that new As I've Written thing so I don't know much about it, so I can't comment on it. I just did the quest and RAN💔

There being two Phainons is still confusing to me as well, but I can tell you how I've interpreted it. Basically, Flame Reaver is Phainon who defied the resets and went back in time with help of Cyrene who sacrificed herself and basically became his blade too(?)(that moon shape sword thing). From there he experienced all the millions of cycles again, trying out new variables, new ways to try and achieve a different end, stealing the Coreflames and slowly getting consumed by them - which is why he is all cracked and hollow by the time the Phainon from the cycles kills him. This is where the Mobius strip comes into play and it gets a little confusing. The Mobius strip basically tells us two things can be going on all at once, so there's a lot of overlapping of time and space so it's really no wonder this gets confusing.

The Phainon we know during the cycles goes to kill Flame Reaver and eventually becomes Lord Ravager??? There's no denying Phainon is an emanator of Destruction imo, but the delivering of this is pretty confusing. Also Iron tomb situation?...yeah idk man, there was a short moment in the quest where my mind went "Irontomb=Phainon" bc of something Lygus said but that's not it lmao. Irontomb is a Lord Ravager, and from what the wiki says it's not a single entity but rather multiple entities diffused by the scepter. Phainon also merged with Irontomb or something?? Weird asf but that's what I could find for that. We're now on a mission to stop the birth/creation of the Irontomb though and that percentage we see (99% rn) is the progress rate of Irontomb's creation. Lygus had some hand in "switching" Irontomb from erudition to destruction, sort of supported by the claim Lygus says: "Destruction is the end of all Paths". Yay✨..

And the animated scene was fantastic, and I believe it shows Phainon being defeated by a simulated Zephyro.

I know we're throwing hands with Lygus in the next patch and that's the only thing I'm happy about. What further confused me about Lygus though is that he claims that Nous is witnessing Amphoreus through him, but at the same time he's showing so much anger towards Nous(Nous hate squad where you at).

Also it's very sad that Phainon was never meant to be the Deliverer everyone though he'd be. He himself believed it. But he was essentially filling in a place until another one(Trailblazer) came in. We're the dawn of Amphoreus. Cyrene was waiting all this time in nothingness for that 'someone' who could help, and Phainon endured 33 millions of cycles for an outsider, since only an outsider could break the cycles, and he couldn't be the saviour he desperately wanted to be.

The quest was great but some things could've definitely been told a bit more directly (or it could be that my English skills were just fried after the angst onslaught).

Anyway, I'll leave it at that, it's getting late over here but please feel free to send your own thoughts in and I'll catch up as soon as I can, and hopefully with a clearer mind as well. Please don't mind any grammar mistakes I might've made.

[fancoloredglasses]

Star Trek (Hard to believe I hadn't reviewed this yet), Part 1: TOS

[All images are owned by Paramount. Please don’t sue me]

If you’ve been living under a rock for the past nearly 60 years, this will all be news to you. Otherwise, you’ll be wondering why I’m deciding to review this of all things. Some may even cynically be thinking I’m running out of things to review.

The answer is simple: I don’t review episodes of series I haven’t done a review of, and I’ve recently found a bunch of YouTube clips of scenes I don’t remember seeing. (Not surprising; in every Trek series since The Next Generation I went in with enthusiasm, but then Life Happened and I fell off until I found out the series was ending and HAD to see the finale)

Now, as I’ve stated, I don’t like to review series that are ongoing. For that reason (and the fact I don’t have Paramount+), I will not be touching ANY Trek that debuted (or premiered) after 2009. Also, to give each “era” of Trek its own spotlight (and NOT, as some of you may be thinking, I’m short on ideas!), I will be doing each series separately, starting with The Original Series (or TOS).

(Thanks to dinadangdong)

Star Trek was created by Gene Roddenberry, who was previously known for TV series set in the Old West. It should be no surprise that (a) the show was dubbed “Wagon Train in space" (a Western series that ended the year before Star Trek debuted) and (b) the show at times felt like the Wild West in terms of brawls and playing fast and loose with the law (in particular, the Prime Directive: Do not interfere in the development of less advanced civilizations)

The series tells of the potential of humanity: a utopia where Earth is united and everyone gets along, so now they’ve decided to bring their influence to the stars by forming the United Federation of Planets (or “the Federation”) and exploring the galaxy in the 23rd century.

Now, let’s meet the star of the series…

The USS (short for “United Space Ship”) Enterprise (designation NCC-1701), a Constitution class starship, which boasts cutting-edge technology for the Federation…

…despite the fact that the interfaces look outdated compared to “modern” technology less than 10 years after the series ended.

The Enterprise boasted advanced technology such as…

Warp drives that enable craft to travel faster that light (according to publications that were released following the end of the series the speed was the “warp factor” cubed, so Warp Factor (or simply Warp) 5 would be 125 (5 x 5 x 5) times the speed of light (The only issue with this is timing: the closest star to the sun is Alpha Centauri (about 4.3 light years away). At Warp 5, it would take the Enterprise almost 13 days to travel the distance. Yes, I’m that big of a geek) The Warp drives are also the power source of the ship, using a matter/antimatter reaction that’s controlled using a substance known as dilithium crystals (much in the same way cadmium rods are used to keep nuclear power plants from melting down)

Energy fields (known as deflector shields) able to mitigate the impact of an enemy’s weaponry

Transporters that are able to disintegrate matter, then nearly instantaneously reassemble it several miles away (if it’s a living being, not only are they still alive, but they retain all of their memories!), but are unable to penetrate deflector shields (this closes the plot hole that says enemies can board a ship during a battle using transporters) FUN FACT: Roddenberry devised the transporters because he couldn’t figure out how a ship designed like the Enterprise would be able to land.

But enough about the ship, on to the crew, and what a crew it is! (over 400 personnel, to be exact)

First off, the crew has three designations, each with a different colored shirt: Gold represents operations division (including command, helm, navigation, and fire control), blue represents sciences (including medical), and red represents service division (including security and engineering) In cases where a member of another division is in a command position, that division’s color is worn (which explains why the Enterprise’s First Officer (also its Chief Science Officer) wears blue)

The Enterprise’s commanding officer is Captain James T. Kirk (played by William Shatner) [FUN FACT: Kirk’s full middle name (Tiberius) isn’t mentioned until a few years later; in addition, Kirk’s middle initial was R in the second pilot (more on that later)] Kirk is a seat-of-his-pants space jockey who tends to play fast and loose with the Prime Directive.

(Thanks to Memory Alpha)

Despite this, Kirk cares deeply about his ship and crew (as long as they’re not wearing red shirts (more on that later as well))

Kirk’s First Officer (and Science Officer) is Commander Spock (played by Leonard Nimoy), a member of an alien race known as Vulcans (actually half-Vulcan, as his mother is human) Vulcans show no emotion, relying on logic to dictate their actions (in the original pilot (I promise I’ll circle back to all of this) Spock showed emotion; the lack of emotion didn’t come into play until the second pilot) In the course of the series, Vulcans became more defined (usually suggested by Nimoy), including a nerve pinch that knocks out its victim (because Nimoy couldn’t see Spock cold-cocking someone), the Vulcan salute (shown above, which is from a Jewish ritual Nimoy observed as a boy), and the mind-meld, which allows a Vulcan to share memories with another (and vice versa)

Rounding out the main cast is the Chief Medical Officer, Lt. Commander Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy (the nickname “Bones” refers to an old Earth nickname for surgeons as “Sawbones”, since most field surgeons were forced to amputate injured limbs to save their patients) McCoy is a curmudgeony individual who enjoys teasing Spock about his Vulcan heritage (almost to the point of bigotry), but there was no doubt there was friendship between the two (and Kirk)

There are two phrases that McCoy utters repeatedly in the series that have made nearly any reenactment of the character seem almost a parody…

(Thanks to Scott Cole)

(Thanks to RichardIsBig)

As far as the supporting cast, it was years ahead of its time, showing a diversity never seen in the 60s!

The Chief Engineer is Lt. Commander Montgomery “Scotty” Scott (played by James Doohan) FUN FACT: Doohan tried several accents in his audition before the Roddenberry settled on the Scottish one.

The Chief Helmsman is Lt. Hikaru Sulu (played by George Takei) Following the series, Takei came out as gay and used his status as a sci-fi icon to became an advocate for gay rights.

The Chief Communications Officer is Lt. Uhura (played by Nichelle Nichols) No first name was ever given until almost 50 years later.

Nichols had two inspirational stories about her time on the show she liked to share at the conventions. The first was how she wanted to quit the show due to her character not really doing much of anything, but was inspired to stay by a certain black comic that no one really wants to talk about any more. The other is about a famous black actress who was inspired by her character and eventually got a role on the Enterprise herself! (I’ll discuss her in a future review)

There were also two recurring supporting roles that had importance to the series..

Ensign Christine Chapel (played by Roddenberry’s wife Majel Barrett) is Dr. McCoy’s chief nurse. She also has a major crush on Spock (FUN FACT: This was Barrett’s second role for Star Trek. The first was First Officer (known simply as “Number One”) in the first pilot of the series. Yes, I’ll be discussing this later)

Crewman Janice Rand (played by Grace Lee Whitney) was Kirk’s Yoeman (personal assistant) and was intended to be a love interest as the series progressed, but the network wanted to see Kirk be a “ladies man”, so her character disappeared following Season 1 (though her character would return as cameos in the films)

The second season saw not only the reassignment of Crewman Rand, but the assignment of a permanent Navigator (it’s never explained why the ship needs a navigator when the computer could easily do so)

Ensign Pavel Chekov (played by Walter Koenig) is of Russian heritage (there are two stories as to why the character was added (either, both, or neither could be true): Roddenberry said that the Russians complained that they weren’t represented on a show that talks about a united Earth, while at least one book said that Koenig was cast to appeal to a younger (female) audience, which explains why his early haircut resembles Davey Jones’s)

I would be remiss in my review if I didn't mention the trope that endures to this day: Redshirts!

Because Security's uniform top is red, and the fact that Security are often targeted (and tend to die quite often) when the ship is boarded or a landing party is attacked, the term "redshirt" became used for the extras whose job it is to die messily in any sci-fi series.

(Thanks to comedy4cast)

Of course, every shining beacon of hope needs people casting shade. There are plenty of threats against the Enterprise and her crew, but there are a couple that seem to show up quite a bit.

The Klingon Empire is the main antagonist against Federation expansion. They are a warrior race bent on conquest.

(Klingons are often cast using black actors…at least I hope they’re black and not using blackface!)

The Romulan Star Empire is another war-mongering people (funny how two aggressive races managed to sandwich a peaceful coalition between them) Like the Klingons, their ships are equipped with cloaking devices making their ships invisible to visual and sensor identification (fortunately, they have to drop their cloak to fire of they’d have conquered the galaxy by now)

As you can see, the Romulans are distantly related to the Vulcans, but they retain their emotional, savage side instead of relying on logic.

The series often dealt with rather weighty topics (such as racism and nuclear war), but also had its share of goofy episodes (such as dealing with space Nazis, space gangsters, space Romans, and evil doppelgangers)

The series almost didn't get off the ground, as the original pilot (with Captain Christopher Pike commanding) was rejected by NBC as "too cerebral", but a second, more action-oriented pilot with Kirk commanding was accepted and the rest is history.

The series lasted three seasons before it was abruptly cancelled. Saturday Night gave the fans a fitting sendoff.

(Thanks to Saturday Night Live)

This should’ve been the end of Star Trek’s story, but fan support kept the series alive years after its cancellation. Enough so that the Enterprise got another shot at the small screen years later.

…but that’s a tale for another review.

If you would like to watch the series, it’s available on Paramount+, PlutoTV, or behind your favorite paywall. If you would like to see an episode reviewed, please let me know!

Before I go, I would like to offer up a little ditty about what happens when the crew of the Enterprise are allowed a break from exploring the galaxy, courtesy of Leslie Fish…

(Thanks to Songs from the Stars)