#thank you love!!! i hope i feel better too LOL

[meganegatari]

regret & saudade; loose threads ⭑.ᐟ

Made to attend a basement party in your heartbroken state, you come face to face with Ellie—your ex, the one you can’t forget. Tension lingers in every glance, every remark, as saudade thrums between you, a love lost but never gone. In the haze of liquor and longing, the night may unravel—and even reignite.

☆: this a collab with the loveliest of lovely people, @bloodstainedsapphic ♡ musing about this with you was the most fun thing ever, i don't know how i'll ever be able to express just how talented you are, and how thankful i am for all your contributions here!! ...i mean chat, all the credit goes to lyss. i'm serious!! thank you sm lyssbug, and i better see yall thanking her too!! hope y'all enjoy :) ellie's m.list.

◇: 18+ mdni. alcohol consumption, ellie’s a little mean (she's hurt), reader as well + tension, tension, and more tension. whiny sub!ellie x mouthy dom(ish)!reader, oral & nipple sucking (e! recieving), and she has hip tattoos lol. also contains angsty themes and a purposely ambiguous ending. ++ 3.6k word count.

Getting dragged out of bed for a basement party hosted by a friend of a friend was the last thing you wanted tonight. Yet, here you were, begrudgingly getting ready—much to your dismay—to indulge your friends’ wishes.

Parties weren’t exactly a common occurrence in Jackson, at least not ones that didn’t involve the community church. Hardly anyone bothered to put energy into organizing gatherings for the young folk to get drunk and act recklessly when survival took precedence. Still, once in a blue moon, someone made an effort, and word spread fast.

Yes, you understood why your friends insisted. They meant well. This was a rare chance, and they were worried about you, trying to pull you out of the misery pit you had plummeted into recently. Woe is you for having people who care, even if their grand solution included shuffling you into a crowded, musty room with cheap booze for a few hours.

But this was also the last party you wanted to be at for one crucial reason: your ex, Ellie, was bound to be there.

Your ex wasn’t any more of a party animal than you were, but you were sure the extroverted mutual friends who had adopted you both had undoubtedly coaxed her into going, just as they had with you.

There was simply no sugarcoating it. You had been drowning in the throes of heartbreak hell in the weeks since you and Ellie broke up. The decision itself was “mutual”—whatever the fuck that meant. Anyone with half-open eyes could recognize that unresolved feelings were lurking beneath the surface.

But still, you were somehow convinced that Ellie was coping with the heartache better than you. Mainly because you were managing it so terribly, it’d be difficult for her to be in worse shape. The thought of seeing her and proving your suspicions either way made your stomach churn.

Conjuring up the will to act like a functioning human for the night, you finally joined Hesse half a block away from the house and made your way over.

The space wasn’t anything special. Just another grungy basement, stuffy with age and ever-rotating crowds of partygoers. The wallpaper peeled, curling inward on itself, and the flooring was adorned with decades’ worth of spills and stains. A decent time hinged on the hope that everyone would get wasted enough to forget the unsavory details.

The liquor was crowdsourced—meaning passable but plentiful. Your beeline to the booze might have earned a few raised eyebrows, but you couldn’t be bothered to give a damn.

Ellie’s eyes found you just as you were taking in the low-lit room.

Already nestled in a corner and nursing her umpteenth drink, she was just intoxicated enough to sharpen her spite but not enough to embolden her to speak up—yet. You didn’t take long to find her either, carefully coordinating fleeting glances and using purposeful posturing to feign indifference.

Ellie tracked your every move, attentive to your every step and person you conversed with.

There was some mutual delusion: Ellie misread your avoidance as proof that you were doing just fine, and you misread her detachment in a similar vein. You both assumed the other was moving on when nothing could have been further from the truth.

Ellie had opted for a darker outfit than usual, all black, practically wearing the heartache on her sleeve. Her loosely buttoned cotton shirt hung amply off her frame, adding to her almost ghostly appearance. Her auburn hair, slicked back and muted, due for a wash, looked much less lively than it used to. The speckled ivy green of Ellie’s eyes had dulled, something far more monotone. Her undereye bags lay heavier, cheeks hollowed, a gauntness that was concerning for a girl already thin. Maybe you’d make a snide comment for Dina to pass on just to get her fed—not that you cared. You just didn’t like seeing the girl look like a husk of your Ellie- err, the one you used to know.

And—fuck. that necklace. It looked an awful lot like the one that had vanished from your nightstand months ago.

Wearing it was all but a confession of Ellie’s true feelings—that her apathy was merely a poorly executed act.

You slammed back the first drink too quickly, the burn hardly registering in your throat. The second glass didn’t fare any better. After a few more pours, the alcohol softened your edginess enough to lax you into joining conversations, to dance, to let your friends pull you into something resembling fun—even striking up idle chatter with a few pretty girls, acting as if it wasn’t just to dull the ache.

An indiscernible span of time passed, your focus clouding into a haze that lets you briefly forget the grievous weight in your chest, even if it didn’t wholly undo it.

Then, a brief yet audacious tap on your shoulder.

You already knew who it was from the distinct way her pointer fingers pressed into your skin.

“You’re out tonight?” Ellie bit out as a greeting, her suffering more pronounced now that she had closed the distance. Her stare, once dimmed, had reignited, brimming anew with an irate temper. Ellie wasn’t the jealous type, but the combination of alcohol and the sight of you mingling with other girls stirred something unfamiliar and ugly within her.

“I am. are you?” You asked snarkily, starting with the obvious of this tense reunion.

Ellie’s eyes twitched, brows furrowing. Your response went unappreciated but was understandably deserved. She wet her lips to buy another second before spitting out another question, too quickly to be casual.

“You come with anyone?”

Your eyes glossed over with irritation, this being the first conversation Ellie had dragged you into after weeks of silence. Her question seemed like a placeholder for everything else she wanted to say, though it came out too bluntly. The people you’d been distracting yourself with blurred into the background now that Ellie was here, her nerves showing with every crack in her composure.

“Nope,” you snipped. “You?”

“Nope,” she replied, exaggeratedly popping her lips at the ‘p’ sound. It sounded forced, like she was trying to make herself sound more confident than she felt.

Ellie shifted her weight onto one hip, her gaze raking a slow once-over of your form. Pretending she didn’t already have your every dip and curve memorized. Your eyes flicked across the room, grasping for any excuse to escape this friction, but naturally, the friends who had dragged you out tonight were suddenly nowhere to be found.

"Didn't know you were the type to move on so fast, getting cozy with a few girls over there..." Ellie remarked, her voice hung with bitterness, not even trying to hide her hurt there.

Your jaw clenched, miffed by the implication behind her words. "Dudn't know you were the type to care. Or even notice..."

“Pfft. I don’t. Just funny watching you act like you’re over it,” Ellie replied, trying to play it cool, but her voice cracked, betraying her defensiveness.

You narrowed your eyes. “That right?”

Ellie shrugged, drawing another lazy sip from her glass. “Yeah. s’cute, really. Watching you pretend.”

Your blood boiled at the way she said it, like she wasn’t just as much of a wreck as you. Like she hadn’t been staring at you all night.

“Ellie, you’re not cool enough to act like this-“ you rip into her with a sneer. You never pictured you’d speak to each other in such a way, but harshness felt like the only language you shared left, especially in tandem with her own cruel barbs.

Ellie’s tongue poked the inside of her cheek, a tell she’d never grown out of. The callout cut deep, knowing you still saw right through her. Ellie’s fingers started to tap the length of the glass, keeping a rhythm to compensate for the fidgeting she often did when nervous. Another tell she couldn’t hide.

“Yeah, okay,” her voice wavered, but then she turned her attention to finishing her glass swiftly, struggling to cling to that false bravado that was irking you past your breaking point.

“Ellie—” you spat her name venomously, shielding your sadness with anger. “If you have something you want to say, we can go somewhere else.”

Ellie’s cheeks roseated, the weight of you threatening her to put her money where her mouth is sinking in. The liquor had clearly obscured her foresight into the risks of confronting you so impudently.

Not letting Ellie another chance to deflect, you grabbed a fistful of her onyx-colored shirt sleeve and tugged her from the foggy crowd to an isolated corner, into a dark hallway, finally ducking into a cramped, dingy storage room long left unfinished. You shut the door. no working lock. Just great.

In the time you had fiddled with the old, janky handle, Ellie had already slipped back into the jaded facade she wore at the start of your encounter. The awkward, needy girl was buried deep, but not deep enough. The blush on her cheeks, the stutter in her words, the way her breath hitched when you got too close—proof enough she wasn’t as composed as she wanted you to think.

You just had to figure out how to crack her open.

Stepping closer, you caught that false smirk creeping back onto her lips. You wanted to smack that cheshire grin off her face, but the fragility you could see in her eyes—despite her best efforts to conceal it—only fueled your fire.

“You’re so goddamn frustrating,” you snap, voice raw with irritation. “Thought maybe for once you could talk to me like a normal person-or, imagine, like the girl you claimed to love-”

Ellie swallowed thickly as you came closer with every word. Hell, she looked so good, even in this state. The scent of alcohol on her breath, the sliver of skin peeking through the buttons of her top, the closeness of her rouge lips—it was causing the last of your composure to slip. Your heart raced as the room seemed to shrink, leaving only the two of you.

If words weren’t enough, maybe a more physical approach would crumble her defenses.

In that moment, a sly grin spread across your face. Time for a bit of mischief.

Nearly chest-to-chest, breaths merging together, you reach up and begin toying with the hem of Ellie’s cotton shirt, and descend to the gleaming buttons on her jeans. Right as you make contact, you hear her hiss out a sharp breath, the derisive edge in her voice sends a chill down your spine.

“Missed me that much, huh? You were always so impatient.” She clicks her tongue. But you knew Ellie, you knew this was all a “tough-guy” act. She was not going to let you get under her skin so easily, not without a fight.

The chuckle that passes your lips is a scornful sound, her ears perk up in curiosity as to what you're planning.

After a moment of wrestling with the skin-tight denim—she's free. Ellie takes the liberty to pull her shirt up a touch, and the mere sight of her dark, wisplike happy trail leaves your mouth watering. Your eyes flicker up to hers; keenly, expectantly scanning her delicate features.

Most unfortunately, Ellie returns nothing worth celebrating, her facade still clambering to stay mighty. Just observing, cool fern eyes low—almost kubrick-esque—everything still under control. For now.

You continue undressing her, undoing her shirt and exposing her pale torso. Fuck, what a specimen. Eggshell and cinnamon skin, soft and supple as far as the eye can see. The thin fabric clings to her shoulders, and you push it aside to look upon her chest.

Luckily for you, she doesn't believe in bras, letting her dusty pinkish nipples harden when the air grazes her skin. Ellie lets out the quietest sigh, almost inaudible, but you still catch it and throw her a smirk. Her eyes roll, she's still acting unimpressed.

“Keep going then,” she drawls.

You ghost your mouth over her skin, before taking her nipple in between your lips and sucking. You snake your tongue over the bud and gently pinch the other one with two fingers. Still determined to break her, you look up again. She makes no noise, just tilts her head back until it hits the wall supporting her with a dull thud. You had to do more, you needed to.

Moving to press hot kisses in the valley of her chest, you drag your mouth lower, lower, and lower, until you end up on your knees with her still-clothed crotch an inch from the tip of your nose. With her help, her jeans are discarded into a heap to your right. The tight boxer shorts she was wearing hugged her lean thighs in such a way, you couldn't resist lurching forward and sinking your teeth into the flesh.

Above, you hear something resembling a startled gasp—there you go, the beginning of the end.

Making quick work of her undergarment, Ellie leans against the wall, bare before you. You look up once more at her, but in the perfect moment in time to spot a scarlet flush spread from her chest, up her neck, and decorate her cheeks. There's a crease forming in her forehead as well. You spot her hip tattoos, the ink was striking. Running your tongue along the linework, you taste her skin—salty-sweet.

Simultaneously, you drag your hands up and down the sides of her legs, feeling goosebumps rise as you pass over. Her breaths quickly go shaky, her primal need for your mouth on the crescendo of her thighs overtaking her. Slowly but surely, you were achieving your goal.

“God Els, you're so wet. Seems like you missed me more, hmm?” You titter, voice smooth as syrup, to which she grunts almost in annoyance, neither confirming or denying your tease.

“Sure you weren't so desperate, you came here just for me? Because you wanted to get eaten like a slut?” You hear her exhale shake. Your degrading words—like clouds of miasma—infected her entirely, she didn't know whether to be embarrassed or even more turned on.

Fucking finally, your tongue parts her folds; silken and dripping for you. Smoothly moving forward in and pushing her thighs apart, you take more of her into your mouth. The taste of her arousal makes your head spin, and you don't even register the fact you're lightly moaning into her core already. You missed this. You missed her. You missed the feel of her hot skin, her signature Ellie attitude, her sweetness and how she reacted to your touch—even more than you'd like to admit.

Your eyes close instinctively, and you lick a stripe from her needy hole up to her puffy clit, feeling the bud twitch on your tongue. You wrap your lips around it, and she almost wails. Although Ellie, as clever as she is stubborn, stifles her whines with a clenched fist. When you hear the cut-off cry, your gaze snaps upward. she's biting down on her own flesh, hard, her teeth causing the knuckles to discolor. The blush on her cheeks is approaching maroon, obscuring her freckles, and her eyes are screwed shut. She can't hide the tremors or the panting breaths, though.

You keep devouring her, getting more and more drunk the longer her essence invigorates your senses. She pleads for you some more, albeit impolitely, “Hurry- ah—harder, more…”

Your grip on her hips intensifies, nails leaving marks right next to her tattoos, adding to the artistry already there. She begins to whimper, the small, pathetic sounds of an impending defeat causing heat to spread in your own abdomen.

You tongue fuck her into oblivion, pushing the muscle inside her until you feel her walls pulsing around you. Your nose bumps at her clit, eliciting high pitched pleas from her.

At a glance again, you see there's nothing hiding her mouth, and the hand that was aiding her has moved to join her other one—bracing against the wall. You had Ellie utterly wrecked.

She teeters, rickety legs trembling and struggling to hold her upright. A gush of slick runs down your chin, and she squeals. Unable to hold back any longer, she starts begging you to cum.

Her voice is strained, wobbly. “Please, fuck-!! Ah…c'mon…come onnn.”

Music to your ears.

Smiling against her thumping clit, you continue to suck until her rhythmic pants are all you can hear. The climbing volume was more satisfying than you could have ever envisioned and you never wanted to let up.

“Ah, ah, ah— m'so close, pleasepleaseplease.” She pleads with vehemence, damn near calling on divinity to finish. It was ironic really, there was nothing holy about this.

Her pussy seizes and her body tenses before she's hit with the most forceful orgasm she's ever felt. Silent moans choking in her throat, you messily lap at her folds until you feel the flutter, and hear the most beautiful cry of pleasure.

She's loud, unabashedly so, the pornographic nature of the scenario before you making your face grow hotter than the sun. You lick up every drop of warm cum from her, savoring both the ambrosial taste of her, and the sight of her coming undone like this.

Low groans and mumbles transition to high-pitched squeaks, a telltale sign you were entering overwhelming territory. She's sniveling, all semblance of composure long gone. Babbled cries ring through the small space, all she can muster falling out of her, “Fuck, fuck, shit..okay, hahhh—”

You dont let up and fuck her through her high until she shakes above you, seemingly brought to tears by the sensation. You drag your tongue through her folds one last time, just for the hell of it, and to solidify all this in your memory, before kneeling back to examine what you made of her.

Her chest was steadily rising and falling, she was leaning against that solitary wall, legs quaking and about to give, completely out of it.

The blissed out look on her face was ethereal, she was still so pretty. Through everything, you'd always find your way back—lost in those springlike, agate-ringed greens.

You jump up to her level and yank her towards you by her—your—necklace, making her jolt and snap out of the post-orgasm euphoria. Roughly, you crash your lips onto hers. Ellie’s lips part to let your tongue in, and a guttural moan rips out of her when she tastes herself on you.

You gingerly pull away, trying to ignore the ache in your heart that blossoms when you notice her chasing your lips.

The pair of you are winded and still looking at each other with saucer-wide eyes, the intensity of what you did catching up to you as the bliss wore off. Automatically, you reach to hold her hand, but she pulls away and avoids your sympathetic stare. She looks up and down, side to side, pretending to be interested in the peeling wall behind her.

Seeing her uneasiness, you clear your throat. “Ellie, um…you okay?” Your voice is mellow and gentle, the complete opposite of what it sounded like earlier.

Ellie sighs and briskly nods, brushing any and all concern away. She meets your eyes, and you notice the vibrant green dulled once again—almost appearing gray, like wilted leaves amidst a drought.

Her expression was hard to read. Her cheeks are flushed and her skin is glossy, indicating physical satisfaction, but there was a certain longing there too. The way she fidgeted with her fingers, the way she pursed her lips ever so slightly—she misses you.

You absentmindedly begin to collect yourself, wiping the remnants of her from the lower half of your face, all while readjusting your shirt. You turn towards her, buttoning up Ellie's shirt and straightening the collar—you give her a meek smile when she lets you fix her up, both of you unsure of what to say. The air feels odd, not quite heavy, but cold. “Let's go back, play it cool.” You chuckle and attempt to crack a joke to lighten the awkward mood. Ellie simply huffs.

Accepting that it’s time to snap back to reality. You breathe in a sharp breath to compose and ground yourself. “I miss you, come back to me", was sitting just behind your teeth, but you steeled yourself and pushed those old feelings away.

It was too soon to unpack anything right now. Not to mention both of you still being drunk—in more ways than one.

Ellie starts, “We should leave separately, y'know, so no one suspects anything.”

“Oh for sure, yeah. Go- go, before everyone starts asking questions-“ you usher Ellie out with an instinctive hand pressed to her back, all but throwing her out of that cramped, now-suffocating space for the sake of avoiding becoming the town’s gossip. In Jackson, rumors tended to spread faster than a wildfire.

Ellie left, and you were all alone in the space. Your body's framework crumples weakly against a corner, overcome with emotion. You couldn't help but reminisce—silently lamenting for her in the dim, stuffy room.

But there was still a party going on, if you stayed in there any longer, it would become suspicious rather fast. You push thoughts of Ellie away into the abyss where you made sure the padlock was not planning on breaking. You threw the key away, but for good this time, you vowed to yourself.

Ellie had likely whisked herself away into the kitchen to get a light snack—you remembered that sex always made her hungry afterward.

You hear a familiar song start playing from the main room, something you could try to sway along to and you put on a faint smile—as genuine as you could muster, hoping to rejoin conversations as casually as you had left them. You slip out of the small storage space, closing the door behind you, hoping it’s not symbolic of where things stand with Ellie.

thanks for reading! tell us what you think <3

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[hansolen]

greetings, i shall be going insane utc 🤍 also thank you for tagging me in this beautiful piece of literature that i WILL be engraving on my forehead moving forward. i’m glad this popped up in my notifs so that i didn’t miss this absolute delicacy 🫡 ALSO I FINALLY GOT TO USE THE GIF LOLL

Needless to say, Shin tries to keep you at the register as much as possible.

this made me laugh so hard 😭😭 keep the money up 🗣️ not the funny up 🗣️

(Yes—Shin slept with you. It was an accident, through and through, and he routinely feels bad about it. He'd been meaning to ask you out, treat you to dinner, maybe even get you flowers depending on the vibe. The type of thing that Mr. Sakamoto did for Aoi, when they first started dating.

SOMEONE HOLD ME IM ABOUT TO CRY AND THROW UP... the way he holds sakamoto and aoi as the benchmark GODDD THIS IS KILLING ME 😭😭😭💔💔💔 FUCKKKK AND NOW WITH THE ADDITIONAL PAIN OF HIS OWN BACKSTORY ..... MY HEART IS LITERALLY IN PIECES I HOPE YOU CAN HEAR THE CRACKS 😭😭💔💔 sakamoto truly is his real father 😭 benchmark of how love ought to be 😭

You've had explicit fantasies about deepthroating him while he works the cash. He'd die if you ever tried that, actually.

tumblrina reader at it again 🫡🫡 so very real. also love this rollercoaster that i’m riding. perfectly encapsulates their dynamic

Not that that bothers Shin. Not at all. Not one bit.

mhm. whatever you say, gorgeous.

[ alright so the ones bellow are just a compilation of my thoughts while i was reading them going at it — and since there were a lot of paragraphs, i know it would be better not to quote the whole damn thing since i’m partially sane ]

wow need me a guy like shin who can read my wants without having to say them 🫡 that’s actually so. perfect. LIKE DAMN that’s so hot

SHIN IS A CERTIFIED YEARNER look at him go 😭😭 the way he feels guilty about a quickie 😭 he’s so real for that... a true advocate of aftercare !

“but you're both punctual workers” WAGE CAGE AT IT AGAIN 💔 let my boy yearn in peace .

OMG SEE HOW I SAID ADVOCATE OF AFTERCARE EARLIER?? OMG HE CONVERTED THE READER INTO LOVING IT TOO MY HEARTTT... he might as well add a successful advocate of aftercare into his resume.

[ pertaining to their first time ] LMAO i can just imagine reader sitting there trying to choose between breakfast or blowjob like that one meme.. okay wait. pause i’ll brb

THIS ONE LOL

[ back to the present ] oh god 😭 the way the reader is so confused with her feelings 💔 the clear struggle of seperating fantasies that she uses to cope with reality from the said reality............yeah........ i fear you just hit the nail of the coffin with that one 💔

but to add onto that i’m really glad shin understands her feelings so well (i mean i know he deals with other people’s feelings very well, considering his years of experience with others and dissecting their thoughts apart. plus he’s naturally like that. very isfj coded indeed. his Fe is prevalent throughout his character growth, such a core part of him) but i digress.

i just love how he doesn’t immediately take it personally, instead he attempts to understand reader at a more fundamental level — beyond her surface thoughts.

he knows reader has a lot to address and so much to sort through. yet he also knows she’s unable to do so alone. it actually melts me how he’s so willing to help her with it and gives her hints later on so that she finds out by herself (+ he’s too embarrassed to say it himself lol bc c’mon now this is SHIN of all people) but seriously they’re so adorable it’s killing me

Eventually, you ask him to come over in the evening, and he scrambles to agree, desperate for a do-over.

MY GUYYY IS SO DOWN BAD I'M SCREAMINGGG as he should be !!!

He isn't familiar with dick appointment etiquette, especially not appointments involving a friend. Was he meant to bring a gift? A Netflix movie recommendation? It would have felt wrong to show up completely empty-handed

im actually laughing so hard A Netflix Recommendation ....... A Gift ...😭😭😭 shin the man that you are 😭😭😭😭😭 probably not the right way to use the phrase but oh well ! dick appointment etiquette.... BAHDHAHAH

ok but reader and shin discussing the quality of visuals 😭😭 reader saying she’ll adjust them next time like it’s a youtube video resolution 😭😭😭 BAHAHUAGS JDOWLE STOPPP

Some ten minutes later, you make a small noise of protest when Shin pulls out of you, and it turns into a look of outright betrayal when he gets up. Shin’s heart clenches immediately.

BOY YOU’RE IN LOVEEEEEEEEEE

“Don't be sorry. You can't help it. That'd be like if I were sorry for breathing.”

i know this broke him. he would’ve 100% gotten into his head in hands position if only an ultimate bad bitch wasn’t opening her heart to him rn. bro must’ve had tears threatening to come out for sure 😭 truly though this must’ve been like a bullet through his head .... someone really needed to say this to him 💔

Why am I nervous? Tell me, Shin.

I AM SCREAMING ON THE TOP OF MY LUNGS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SOMEONE STOP THIS STOP STOP STOP THIS MADNESS IM DYING DROWNING EVERYTHING STOPPP

“I wouldn't know.” Except he’s got a good guess, and he'd rather die than say it out loud because it would be embarrassing for you both if he were wrong.

OH GOD oh lord. i . i just. THEM. JUST THEM!!!!!!!!

guys. im tearing up

oh god they’re doomed by the narrative aren’t they 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i need to physically get into sakadays universe and rearrange everything so they end up together and none of that soulmate bs ever happens 💔💔💔 infact i will go fight the fates themselves and rearrange the threads myself idc idc

them possibly not being endgame might just be my final straw YOUR HONOUR FUCK YOUR SOULMATE BS LET THEM BEEEE LEAVE THEM ALONE AAAA 😭💔 they will heal each other #Trust

“Aw,” you say, “that's too bad. I bet forced orgasms with ESP would feel amazing.”

1. reader is so fucking real.... i bet it would be god tier.. thinking thots.. 2. THIS AS A RESPONSE IS FUCKING SENDING MEEEEEE i love your timing

Mr. Sakamoto sees the two of you as you make it to work just on time together and immediately figures out what's happened. Shin gets a mental reprimand for not marrying you first, and the disappointment from Mr. Sakamoto is so strong that he briefly considers resigning out of disgrace.

RESIGNING FROM DISGRACE 😭😭😭 LMAFAOAOAOAO no actually i need to stop laughing cuz ...poor guy has been going through it. not only is he dealing with an extremely complex situationship with zero previous romantic experience to look back at, but is also able to read the thoughts of disappointment his idol feels for him regarding the said situation 😭💔 poor guy .... he looks up to you sakamoto!! i swear he wishes he could marry or ATLEAST get a date before but 😔 things are not that simple!! and i really don’t think SAKAMOTO of all people should be speaking on this . like he has has no idea how to deal with complex relationships 🙄 not everyone is lucky enough to have aoi pop into their lives like an angel and stay 🙂‍↔ sakamoto would never survive in this situation ... but again, sakatmoto would never get himself in this situation. WHATEVER! shin you’re one strong guy with an even stronger stroke game. keep your head up king.

You want to kiss Shin all the time now, and it's making him feel like the horniest person alive.

OMG THE ROLES GETTING REVERSED AT THE END WAS SO CUTEEE I SEE WHAT U DID THERE MAO OMG IM DYINGGGGG theyre perfect and made for each other no one can tell me otherwise i will . i will combust.

end. thanku for coming to my ted talk

SITUATIONSHIP | asakura shin x f!reader

You are both the most diligent worker at Sakamoto's Store and the most hypersexual person that Shin knows. Overhearing your thoughts and accidentally seeing your fantasies routinely leads to profound psychic damage for him, as well as the most poorly timed boners in the world. All of this only gets worse when the two of you start hooking up.

6k words. comedy, smut. all the sex scenes are vanilla; however, the reader constantly reads and thinks about horny fanfiction tropes including: free use, omegaverse, and breeding. these are all mentioned but not discussed in detail. warning: the reader has a warped/unhealthy relationship with her sexuality, this fic is about shin fixing her with his stroke game lol. credits to @/cafekitsune for the dividers and @hansolen for the fic brainrot <3

You are the worst coworker that Shin has ever had.

This is saying a lot, given that he's worked with countless two-bit assassins who could barely a handle a gun (no one he worked with in his late teenage years could hold a candle to Mr. Sakamoto, truly), as well as Lu, who can barely orient herself within the store. You are, in contrast, brutally efficient with your work, incredible with the customers, and very cooperative with Shin. You even know how to handle a gun, and you do it with such pinpoint precision that it's always nonlethal despite being brutally debilitating. (Your skill level does hold a candle to Mr. Sakamoto in this respect, and Shin wonders if his boss has given you some kind of private training—a thought that fills him with such jealousy that it makes him want to chew on the sale stickers in his hands.) There's just one problem.

You are probably the horniest person alive, and Shin is about to lose his fucking mind listening to your thoughts.

Now, Shin is used to hearing the unfiltered stream of consciousness of the average human being. This naturally includes carnal desires here and there. He’s desensitized to most people’s erotic fantasies about their favourite gravure idol, memories of their last sexual encounter, intrusive thoughts about their friends, et cetera. He habitually tunes it out. But whereas a regular person might have these thoughts once or twice a day, you seem to have them once or twice an hour. And none of your thoughts are ever brief or underdeveloped. They usually last at least ten minutes each, with detailed internal monologuing and accompanying 8K UltraHD visuals, and you really only ever stop when you're trying to remember a code at the till or doing some quick mental math with the accounts.

Needless to say, Shin tries to keep you at the register as much as possible.

You used to tell yourself (in your head) that your mental fixation on sex was a natural consequence of your dry spell. After quitting the assassin life, you'd been celibate for the first time in at least a decade, forced to attain sexual gratification with nothing but masterfully written fanfiction and your vast collection of vibrators. (Your favourite one is hot pink, seven inches, rabbit eared. You sometimes have trouble getting it to fit, but it’s worth it for the way you cum when you do, and this knowledge makes Shin want to die.) You were convinced that getting laid would bring you enough relief to stop thinking about sex every hour of the day. You had thought that you'd go back to “normal” after that, though Shin doesn't know what “normal” entails for you. (One free-use fantasy a day instead of twelve? Daydreams strictly featuring humans rather than tentacle monsters? It's hard to say.)

Regardless, Shin had to agree: surely, there would be a limit to your sex-obsessed thoughts. It made a lot of sense that you were simply frustrated and in need of an outlet. Naturally, after sleeping with you, he'd expected your thoughts to quiet down.

(Yes—Shin slept with you. It was an accident, through and through, and he routinely feels bad about it. He'd been meaning to ask you out, treat you to dinner, maybe even get you flowers depending on the vibe. The type of thing that Mr. Sakamoto did for Aoi, when they first started dating. If everything went well, then you two could consider getting intimate. His interest in you has nothing to do with sex, after all—no, not even the fact that you've had explicit fantasies about deepthroating him while he works the cash. He'd die if you ever tried that, actually.

The plan was always to take things slow and maybe even start a relationship if the two of you really hit it off. He'd even asked Mr. Sakamoto for advice on what a civilian romance should look like! But then Shin walked you back to your apartment one night when you were feeling down, and you invited him upstairs, and one thing led to another, and, well… it turns out that you aren't the type of person to take things slow. Or think about relationships. Shin’s never overheard any thoughts from you about actually dating him, come to think of it. And no, before you ask—that doesn't bother him. Not at all. Not one bit.)

To both his surprise and yours, getting laid somehow had the opposite effect on you. Rather than being calmed, you're somehow even hornier—and now all your horny thoughts are about Shin.

It's nonstop. Shin can't believe it. Whereas you used to think about all sorts of people in your sexual fantasies (mostly your fanfiction men, but also some BL characters, occasionally Keanu Reeves, and very often that Nagumo guy), you now think solely of Shin. You're thinking about him right now, pausing as you finish restocking the onigiri.

Shin can hear every single thought from across the room, the way you feel the edges of your sanity fraying with the memory of his touch. The whole day, you've been remembering how it felt to have your pussy stretched around his cock, how it felt to have his hands on your curves, how he seemed to know exactly how to touch your body to make you keen. (Shin admits he cheated; a little ESP goes a long way in bed.) You soaked the sheets when you finally came, and he kissed you relentlessly through your orgasm. It made you so horny that you had to immediately go another round.

No other man’s ever made you cum like that, you keep thinking. You've fucked more people than you can count, but not a single person has ever felt so good inside you. The realisation is driving you crazy, and Shin feels like he's about to go crazy with you. In the absence of a cold shower, he wants to shove himself into the freezer right now. There's no other way to get rid of his raging boner.

How did it feel so fucking good?! you keep thinking, oblivious to his struggles. I need his cock inside me again. I need him to hit it raw this time. I need him to bend me over the counter and cum in my pussy right now—

It makes him want to die, listening to your thoughts. It also confuses him, somewhat: he isn't that experienced, and objectively he’s a little clumsy in bed. His performance is probably mid in the grand scheme of things, which makes him wonder why you feel like his dick is heaven-sent.

But more than anything, Shin wonders if you ever think about anything other than his dick. Sex isn't the only thing the two of you have done together. The first time you hooked up, he'd spent the night at your place. You clung to him in his sleep and you drooled on his chest and he thought it was kinda funny. He was careful not to wake you as he wiped your chin. You’d cooked him breakfast by the time he'd woken up: homemade miso, fresh rice, tamagoyaki. He made you burnt coffee after. You gave him a goodbye kiss, which somehow turned into a goodbye blowjob, which then escalated into wasting the day together in bed. You were really cuddly the whole time, and Shin could hear you think, how weird, I hate it when people hold me, and I hate it when people kiss me, but you liked it from Shin. You liked it so much that your pussy started dripping, and then what else could you do but suck him off again? (He returned the favour, of course.)

There was a lot more than just fucking, but you never think about any of that other stuff. You only ever think about his stroke game.

Not that that bothers Shin. Not at all. Not one bit.

By noon, he reaches his limit.

Shin considers himself a responsible guy and dedicated employee. He'd ordinarily never want to take off in the middle of the day to fool around with you—or anyone else—but it's his lunch break, and he has to get you to stop fantasizing. His dick is so hard that it's painful, and even with the apron it's getting tricky to cover up. As soon as the clock hits 12, he's throwing it off and making a beeline for you.

“We need to talk,” he says, grabbing you by the hand, and the face you make is so giddy that he can't help but sigh. You’re practically beaming as you take off your apron and say bye to Lu. We’ll be back in 30! you tell her in a sing-song voice, because you’re a very conscientious worker even when outrageously horny.

“You heard my thoughts?” you ask as the two of you climb the stairs to his room, and he snorts.

“How couldn't I?” He gives you a miserable look, cheeks flushing. “Were you doing that on purpose the whole morning?”

“No.” He raises a brow. “I'm serious—I wasn't trying to cause any trouble for you! It's just…” You bite your lip, and it takes all of Shin’s self-control to stop himself from staring at its glossy sheen. “I really just need to be touched again.”

“I don't believe you,” he says as he pulls you into his room.

“You're an esper! You should know I'm telling the truth!”

“I also know you like to torture me with your thoughts.”

“Well, yeah…” You smile at him, sheepish. “But I really just need a bit of relief. Want me to prove it to you?”

There's a sudden glint in your eye that makes Shin nervous, out of his depth. Sometimes he gets the feeling that you want to eat him alive, and he never knows how to handle it. He’s never gotten this level of attention before, and never in his wildest dreams did he think he'd get it from someone like you.

(Yeah—you're way out of Shin's league. For all his plans of a civilian romance, he wasn’t sure if he could actually score a date with you. He still isn't sure if he can score one. He's also not sure he’ll survive this encounter.)

He swallows. “Prove it…?”

“Uh huh.” You look so pretty right now, sitting on the edge of his bed. “Let me show you.”

You read too much hentai. Shin knows this firsthand (you read a lot of it on the clock, and all the images get blasted right into his prefrontal cortex), but he can also tell from how you act. It’s just way too fucking outrageous when you spread your legs for him, pulling up your skirt, and he's greeted not by the sight of your panties (you wore a lacy pair to work and kept bending over in hopes of flashing him—you had not been shy at all in this thought), but your bare, glistening cunt.

No fucking way.

“You’ve been working like that?!” he blurts out, mildly horrified even though his dick is jumping at the sight of you. You laugh, and you conjure up your panties from somewhere. They dangle from your fingertips, sheer and drenched.

“Took them off as we came up here. They're useless now anyway, see”—they’ve been soaked through for hours, and my thighs are all sticky—“and besides… I wanted to give you easy access.”

He thinks he's going to pass out.

“Easy access,” he repeats stiffly, bright red.

“Uh huh. Wanted to be efficient—we only have, what, twenty minutes?” Before he can even react, you're already turning around, bending over for him, ass up. From this angle, he can see just how wet you are—and how you're clenching around nothing, your cunt empty and needing to be filled. You glance over your shoulder, give him a teasing smile. “What are you waiting for?”

It’s a wonder that Shin doesn't cum on the spot, really. Like he said—he isn't an experienced guy. He's never slept with anyone so forward, or so—well. Smoking hot, for lack of better word. Half of him has a mind to just stand there and say that he can't believe you, and half of him has a mind to fuck you like you've been hoping all morning. Thankfully, this latter half of him wins out—probably for the better. If he helps you work this out of your system, you'll probably stop assaulting his mind with all your horny thoughts and his dick can exist in peace for the rest of the afternoon. Right?

Right?

(He ends up being extremely wrong.)

By the time he's pulled down his pants, put a condom on, and started pushing inside you, the two of you have seventeen minutes left. He worries briefly that it won't be enough time to get you to cum (nor him, though that isn't his goal currently), but it turns out to be a non-issue. Your pussy swallows his cock easily, stretching around him so perfectly that he nearly chokes. He always hears you talking about how sex with him feels leagues better than with any other person, but he’s not sure if you know that the same is true for him. No one's ever felt as good as you, and it takes every ounce of willpower in him not to cum immediately.

You're already close to the edge, too. Probably pent up from squeezing your thighs together all morning and thinking about his touch. You moan in a way that is obscene, like something out of an AV—but Shin knows that it isn't a performance. He can feel your body and hear your thoughts, all the genuine bliss you get from being filled up. When he starts moving, it's with intent. He fucks you like you’ve been fantasising all day, all week—with a relentless pace, focused on giving you nothing but pleasure. You tighten around him like you were made for him, and—

—apparently you feel like you're being used? Like a hole? The fuck! Shin almost stops mid-stroke to balk at you—he wouldn't do that to you!—but then you moan and he feels you getting wetter at the thought, and then he has no choice but to keep going. He's not about to kill your high.

Nine minutes left. Your clit is throbbing, neglected, and as soon as you think about touching yourself, Shin’s fingers are circling it instead and making you keen. He hits the spot inside you that has your eyes rolling back and your spine arching beautifully, and you can’t speak with your mouth, but he hears you anyway: the begging, the neediness, right there right there you're doing so good Shin you feel so good don't stop don't stop don't, don't—

“Oh fuck,” you whimper, pressing your face into the sheets, and then Shin feels you pulsing around him, drenching him. He gets dragged over the edge with you, gasping sharply as he finds his own release. You collapse as he twitches inside you, spilling himself inside the condom, and he almost snorts when he hears you thinking, wish you were cumming in my pussy instead. Do it raw next time, okay?

“You know we have to use a condom,” he says between pants.

“But I'm on birth control! Read my mind—you know I'm telling the truth!”

“And I also know that birth control is only 93% effective,” he says, rolling his eyes. He glances at the clock. “C'mon—we only have five minutes until our lunch break ends.”

It feels a little weird, rushing you. He’s never had a quickie before, but he understands that you can't exactly take your time with cleaning up afterwards. Still, he thinks about what it was like the last time the two of you did this—how slow and soft it was after, how he stayed inside you for a bit, how he kissed you long and cleaned you up carefully. It just felt like the right thing to do after sleeping with someone, especially given that that someone was you. He'd much prefer to do that right now.

But you are both punctual workers, and anyway Shin’s heard enough of your idle thoughts to know that you’re fairly apathetic to aftercare—you never expect it, and you’re never particularly sad when you don't get it. Sometimes you even fantasize about being used roughly and then discarded (a thought that he finds so unpleasant that it instantly kills his boner every time).

So it's probably fine to rush back downstairs, he figures. He throws you some wipes, lets you clean yourself up. You do it without complaint. You're not upset. He can even hear your mind humming with satisfaction, coming down from the highs of sensory pleasure.

Which is why he's confused when he hears you think, Huh. That didn't feel as good as I thought it would.

It's not like it felt bad.

This is what Shin hears all afternoon: You had a good time. You generally like being treated like a hole. You hadn't thought that Shin would have it in him to do that (neither did he, he admits), but it was kind of thrilling that he did. You want him to do it again for sure. He hit your g-spot with the kind of precision that only an esper can manage, and your vision nearly went white as you found your climax.

And that's what matters, right? You came. You had an orgasm. The little death. The ultimate goal of sex. You used to have a hard time with it, but after so many missions your body started to enjoy sex and now you cum very easily. And you came very easily with Shin, so that means you must enjoy having sex with him too, right?

But it was better the first time you had sex. Objectively better. You came way harder. You even squirted during your second round with him! Your orgasm was so intense that you felt blissed out for the rest of the night, and even the morning after. When you woke up and realised that Shin was not only still there, but also holding you, it made you so horny that you nearly woke him up with a blowjob. It was only with great self-control that you woke him up with breakfast instead.

You don’t feel like that right now, though. You don't feel horny and you don't feel like cooking and the euphoria of your orgasm melted away a while ago. You just feel sort of… empty.

You don't feel bad, though. It's a beautiful day. The char siu bao in your hand is incredibly fragrant. Piisuke is on your shoulder and chirping in your ear. Shin looks really handsome in his apron—did you know that, Shin? you ask him in your mind—and he goes bright red at this thought and looks away. You don't feel bad, you mentally reassure him. You just don't feel as good as you thought you would.

But Shin does feel bad. He feels miserable, actually. He's not a very experienced guy, but even he can tell that you’re the type of person who needs to be held after having sex. It seems like you probably don't realise it, but it's clear as day to Shin, and for the rest of the afternoon he hates himself for not having done it. It wouldn’t have had to be for very long.

Lu could have covered for an extra fifteen minutes, he keeps thinking. Fuck!

Eventually, you ask him to come over in the evening, and he scrambles to agree, desperate for a do-over.

Shin’s not really good at this hook-up business.

Now—he isn't exactly good at relationships either, but he feels exceptionally awkward about coming over to your place with the express purpose of having sex. He isn't familiar with dick appointment etiquette, especially not appointments involving a friend. Was he meant to bring a gift? A Netflix movie recommendation? It would have felt wrong to show up completely empty-handed, so he ends up bringing your favourite snacks and two bottles of Pocari Sweat. If this is anything like the first time he stayed over, you'll probably both need it.

You're delighted by the snacks and amused by the drinks. He wrestles with himself over what kind of small-talk to make—there’s a PS5 out right now, and your TV screen is paused on Leon Kennedy’s face, so maybe he can start a conversation about the horror genre? He watches a lot of films—but you're dragging him into your room before he can overthink it.

“I missed you,” you say, voice all sweet with affection as you straddle his lap.

“It's been two hours,” he points out, somehow managing not to stammer.

“Eight hours since we fucked.”

“That's not very long at all.”

“Felt like forever to me.” Your whisper is so tender in his ear, incongruent with the absolute filth you're thinking about right now. You need his cock so, so bad—you’d have it inside you 24/7 if you could have it your way, though he's also free to help himself to your body at any hour of the day. Sure, he can't smoke on the premises, but there's no rule against hiking up your skirt and pushing your panties to the side so he can—

“I wouldn't do that in the store!” he squawks, and you giggle.

“Then you should start taking me up to your room more often.”

Shin would be more than happy to host you, actually. He’s been thinking lately about having you over for dinner—Aoi’s been teaching him how to cook—and getting to know you better, in a non-Biblical way. But Shin knows that's not what you mean. You want him to carry you upstairs without asking and to throw you onto his bed and to fuck you into the mattress. You want to go back to your shift without your panties, his cum dripping out of your pussy and sliding down your—

“You really want me to finish inside you,” Shin remarks, bewildered at your sheer obsession over it, and you tilt your head.

“Don't you?”

“No. I mean, yes. I mean—we shouldn't. It's, uh. Risky. I don't want to get you, y'know… pregnant…” His dick twitches in a way that makes him grateful that you don't have ESP. He's realising something about himself that he absolutely cannot think about, and which you would absolutely exploit if you figured out. He clears his throat, hoping he looks normal. “Like. You know. It's better to be on the safe side.”

You study him carefully. “I dunno, Shin.” You smile knowingly. “I don't think I'd mind it if you wanted to breed me.”

Shin is going to die.

The next twenty minutes pass in a horny blur. The two of you spend it all over each other, his cock sliding along your opening—dangerously close to pushing in. You beg him for just the tip, both verbally and mentally—pleaaase Shin please please please it'd be so easy, I'm still stretched out from before, you know it'd feel good—and he's watched enough adult films to know that this is a blatant trap. He somehow pulls away, and immediately feels bad at the crushed expression you make, so he decides he has no choice but to make it up to you by putting his head between your thighs. Within minutes he’s sucking on your clit and making you keen, his fingers curling inside you. He knows your orgasm is intense both from the way you gush all over his face and how your mind goes pleasantly, blissfully quiet for a moment.

It doesn't stay quiet for long.

The most debauched image possible comes to his mind—you, underneath him, your legs folded into a mating press as you take his cock. He’s giving you another load, pumping you full. It's filling up your womb, and you'll definitely get pregna—

“You’re fucking evil,” he groans. “And you read way too much hentai. Those visuals were so goofy.”

You laugh, unbothered. “Sorry, I'll adjust them for realism next time.”

“Please don't,” he begs, even though he knows he's going to spend the next week being mentally assaulted by your breeding kink fantasies. He just hopes they stay relatively normal and don't devolve into the weird omegaverse stuff. Or the monsterfucking stuff. Or the gangbang scenarios. Please, God, anything but the gangbang fantasies. He’ll scream if you imagine another threesome with him and that invisible asshole who kidnapped Lu. He’ll simply resign if you add Nagumo.

To your profound disappointment, Shin ends up using a condom. He doesn't give you much time to feel sad about it, settling quickly between your legs and practically knocking the breath out of you as he thrusts into you. He’s left kind of breathless too. You weren't lying—you are still stretched out from earlier in the day, wet and pliant for him, and there's hardly any resistance as he starts pumping into you. He watches you carefully, laid out underneath him—your eyes squeezing shut as you're made to take his cock. Your mind goes a little quiet again, overwhelmed by pleasure. It's simultaneously a blessing and a curse: Shin’s finally getting a break from your psychic teasing, but the knowledge that he's fucking you dumb is doing something horrible to him.

He changes his angle, and a whimper leaves you. You tighten and gush around him in a way that makes it obvious what he’s hitting; he doesn't need ESP to know to keep doing it. Still, your thoughts are going haywire, a tangle of desire, and it's impossible for him to ignore. I need, he keeps hearing as your thighs starts to twitch, as you start tearing up, I need I need I need I need—

Your eyes land on his lips, and Shin hears you.

His kiss is open-mouthed, clumsy, but you’re hungry for it anyway. You’re panting into each other’s mouths when you start pulsing around Shin’s dick, and you end up cumming so hard on his cock that it's dizzying for you both. He fucks you through your orgasm, and it's only when you're glassy-eyed and limp beneath him that he finally lets himself finish. He pulls back as he does, gasping sharply, but not for long—you draw him back in quickly, clinging to him as you seek out another kiss. The two of you stay like that for a long moment—still connected, breaths heavy with exhaustion, lips slow and lazy against each other.

“Enjoy yourself more this time?” Shin asks, and you hum sweetly against his mouth. You’re still too mindless from your orgasm to form any real thoughts, but Shin can tell that you don't really want to talk. You want to keep kissing him. And you want him to hold you while you do it, which he happily obliges.

Some ten minutes later, you make a small noise of protest when Shin pulls out of you, and it turns into a look of outright betrayal when he gets up. Shin’s heart clenches immediately.

“Just getting stuff to clean up,” he explains, and you relax visibly.

“Oh,” you say. “Right.”

You seem antsy. You feel antsy. You're antsy because you just realised how much you like kissing Shin. Specifically, you've realised that kissing him elevates your orgasms into mind-blowing experiences, and now you're questioning every other orgasm you've had. Maybe I don't actually enjoy sex that much? you wonder. Or maybe I always needed to be kissed to enjoy it more? Wait, no. I hate it when people kiss me. It's gross. Except for when it's Shin. Why Shin? Hm… that apron must really be doing something for me.

Your head hurts. Shin patiently watches you replay your past experiences in your head, comparing all those nights with this one, and he can’t help but frown. Deeply. Your eyes go wide when he gives you an alarmed look at one particular memory.

“Shit, sorry! I forgot you’d see all that.”

“No, I'm sorry,” he says, feeling—not for the first time—guilty about his powers. “If I could turn it off, I would.”

“Don't be sorry. You can't help it. That'd be like if I were sorry for breathing.” But despite your easy words, you’re watching him carefully, and your mind is stirring in an unsettling way. I'm nervous? you realise. Your heart is beating in a way that suggests a flight or fight response. It gets worse the longer you stare at him. Why am I nervous? Tell me, Shin.

“I wouldn't know.” Except he’s got a good guess, and he'd rather die than say it out loud because it would be embarrassing for you both if he were wrong. He'd have to resign. Nevertheless, he tries to guide you in a specific direction: “Have you really never liked it when people kissed you?”

“No,” you reply immediately. “I don't see the point of kissing during sex.”

He gives you a long look. “What if it’s not just sex? What if it's just a regular kiss on a regular day with, like, a partner? Someone you're really serious about.” He blinks at the confused stare you're giving him. “You mean you don't like that either?”

It's suddenly very noisy. Shin can hear your mind buzzing as you stare at the ceiling of your room, not with coherent sentences so much as shapeless confusion. His skin crawls with the echo of your discomfort; it's a wonder you aren't slipping out from the sheets to run away.

“...I don't know,” you finally decide. “I don't have much real dating experience.”

“Huh? You’ve said before that you've dated lots of guys.”

“Um.” You’re careful not to look at him. “Yeah, I guess. They all sucked though. I, like, wanted to kill every single one of my exes.”

“Like they were shitty boyfriends?”

No, like they were assassination targets, you think, and Shin has to keep a straight face as you reply, “Yeah, something like that.”

You rarely lie to Shin. You did it somewhat frequently until you figured out that he was capable of ESP, and then you stopped because you didn't see a point anymore. You only do it now when there's something you really don't want to talk about, so Shin relents. He focuses on cleaning himself up, and he interrupts the tense hum of your thoughts when he turns his attention to you. By the time he's finished and slid back into bed, your more complicated emotions have vanished, and you're back to marveling at the quality of the orgasm you just had. Apparently you like to keep things fairly simple in your inner world.

When Shin puts an arm around you, he can hear your pleasant surprise—and your immediate desire to press into him.

You're so happy just being held by him, it's shocking. And painfully endearing. Shin tries to pretend not to notice the warm glow of your thoughts, as well as your confusion over them: surely the simple act of being close to someone can't feel so good. Maybe the whole kissing thing was just a coincidence and Shin happened to be hitting it just right when your lips met. Or maybe he used his ESP on you to make you cum extra hard and he's still influencing you, and that's why you feel so tenderhearted right now.

“My powers only allow me to read minds,” he tells you. “I can't control other people.”

“Aw,” you say, “that's too bad. I bet forced orgasms with ESP would feel amazing.”

“...”

Shin realises something else about himself that he absolutely cannot let you know. Thankfully for him, you're none the wiser. Your mind’s somewhere else entirely when you climb on top of him, smiling neatly. Mind you, what you're thinking is still making him feel nervous. He's always a little out of his depth with you.

“Shin…”

You lean in, breath sweeping over his lips. His heart jumps.

“Y-yeah?”

“I'm still confused about how that felt so good.”

“I’ve noticed.”

You hold back a laugh. “Yeah, I guess you would have.” Then you give him an apologetic look. “Sorry I'm so stuck on it. I just thought I knew my body, y'know? I felt like I had tried everything worth trying. Sex was starting to feel boring, including the freaky stuff. But this is very new to me.”

This close up, Shin can feel the brush of your lashes when they flutter. See the glossy swell of your lips from all the kissing. Take in the fragrance of your hair. He starts to feel dizzy. “I-is it? I don't think we've been doing anything, uh. Crazy.”

“I didn't think so either.” Your thumb traces his lip. You're thinking about kissing him again, and you're also thinking about riding him as you do it. “I can't help but want to try it a few more times, you know? Just to make sure it wasn't a fluke.”

“A few more times,” he repeats, and you smile.

“You don't have anywhere you need to be tonight, do you?”

The two of you get two hours of sleep that night, and you end up going through both bottles of Pocari Sweat and all the snacks. There's no time for breakfast or burnt coffee the morning after; you make the executive decision to just eat something at the store instead. Shin leaves behind a toothbrush and you tell him he should also bring an extra set of clothes next time. He tries not to get too excited about the fact that there's going to be a next time. He fails.

Mr. Sakamoto sees the two of you as you make it to work just on time together and immediately figures out what's happened. Shin gets a mental reprimand for not marrying you first, and the disappointment from Mr. Sakamoto is so strong that he briefly considers resigning out of disgrace. But he stays on, and the days pass, and your relationship with him remains the same. Sort of.

Because, see. Now that you're regularly getting laid, your horny thoughts have finally (finally!) calmed down. You now have one free-use fantasy a day instead of twelve, and your daydreams only occasionally feature tentacle monsters. You do like to torture Shin with breeding kink scenarios, but that's only once a day, and they never involve any other guys. Shin considers this a victory, respite from the psychic agony that he was previously experiencing.

There's just one problem.

You want to kiss Shin all the time now, and it's making him feel like the horniest person alive.

He can't believe it. He doesn't have a particularly strong sex drive, and he rarely ever has sexual fantasies. But holy shit is he having them a lot now, and he can't say it's strictly your fault.

You spend most of the day now thinking about what it felt like to kiss him in bed, and what it felt like to hold his hand as he moved inside you, and what it felt like to be in his arms afterwards. What it would feel like if you were to do those things that you used to hate—kissing someone, linking fingers, embracing them—with Shin. Not just in bed, but on a regular day, out in the open. In a secluded park somewhere, or maybe at the top of a Ferris wheel, or even on a random street corner if the mood is right. All of these daydreams are usually followed by very explicit fantasies about public, unprotected sex, but the kissing is the most important part of it. The subsequent creampies are pretty significant too, but not nearly as much as the bits where you make out.

And somehow, the thought of cumming in you is not the part of the fantasy that's driving Shin crazy.

You give him a meaningful look. A week ago, this would have been a sign that you wanted him to bend you over the counter and give you backshots. Now it means you want to sneak away to kiss him and hold hands, and this makes him want to do things to you that would get him fired immediately.

Shin sighs, and he contemplates shoving himself into the freezer.

END

I wrote this with one hand and did not proofread it. my apologies if you see any errors. I just needed to be free of these thoughts asap. release me...

PS - I know the Resident Evil/Leon Kennedy mention must have felt very random, but it's set-up for potential future sequels haha.

[bvidzsoo]

Every time I see you...chapter 4 ↰

...my throbbing heart rate spikes up

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

☆ Warning: cursing, alcohol consumption ☆ Word count: 6.6k ☆ Rating: nc-17 ☆ Genre: slice of life, established relationship, post university setting, angst ☆ Summary: Nothing feels better than waking up in a warm bed with your sweetheart cooking breakfast, the scent of pancakes wafting through the open door. The only problem is that Mingi isn't your sweetheart, not exactly, and the night ends in an unexpected turn with your heart heavy and cheeks tear streaked.

☆ Visuals ☆

M.list ~ Previous Chapter

A/N: Hello, my lovelies! The new chapter is here and, well...we'll speak once you've read it haha. Nothing good lasts forever...or it does? If communication is good, I'd say it does but, oh, well...thank you for reading this story so far, I really appreciate your comments and feedback. I cannot say when the next update will be as I am focusing on finishing the drabbles for mine and Mina's March Event (which you should take a look at!^^) because we have fixed deadlines (that I've fallen behind on lol, nothing to worry about, I work best under pressure lmao.) I hope you enjoy this chapter and sorry for making you wait for the next one, I'll try to make it worth! Lmk what you thought of this chapter! ^^ divider

Taglist: @spicxbnny @hongjoongspoetry

🎧𝛦𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑡𝑖𝓂𝑒 𝐼 𝘴𝑒𝑒 𝑦𝜎𝓊, 𝓂𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝜎𝑏𝑏𝑖𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑒 / 𝑆𝑝𝑖𝑘𝑒𝘴 𝓊𝑝 ℓ𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑎 𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝘴𝑡𝑖ℓℓ 𝑡𝜎 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝘴 𝒹𝑎𝑦 / 𝛵ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝜎𝑡𝑡𝜎𝓂 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼 𝑓𝜎𝓊𝑛𝒹 𝜎𝓊𝑡 𝘸𝑎𝘴 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑟𝘴𝑡 𝑏𝑎𝘴𝑒 (𝑏𝓊𝑡 𝑦𝜎𝓊’ℓℓ 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑘𝑛𝜎𝘸) /… 𝐼 𝒹𝜎𝑛’𝑡 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝑎 𝓂𝑎𝑛, 𝒿𝓊𝘴𝑡 𝑎𝑐𝑐𝑒𝘴𝘴𝜎𝑟𝑖𝑒𝘴🎧

            I groaned as something bright and warm fell on my face, making me scrunch it up in annoyance as it bothered my peace. Had I not closed the curtains before going to bed last night? I groaned again, a little louder, and turned onto my stomach to bury my head into my pillow. It was always a bit tricky waking up after my day off; the pull of the warm bed was really tricky and easily made me oversleep, and then I���d have to rush to the store. But if the sun was directly blazing on my face, it meant I still had some time before I’d be late to work. Pulling my head off the pillow, I turned it back towards the window, reaching my right hand out, only to feel up an empty space. My eyebrows furrowed as I opened one eye, instantly getting blinded by the sun. I sighed and stared at the empty spot next to me. The blanket was crumbled, and the sheets were pulled together in a way I knew only Mingi could make them be. He had a talent for getting tangled up in the sheets in his sleep, sometimes, it was hilarious waking up to him with his pillow over his head or the blanket wrapped around his body in an awkward position. That’s mostly why we slept with separate blankets; he’d hog it way too often, but since I had washed the spare one yesterday, we had to share my big blanket last night. It wasn’t as bad as I had expected it to be, even though Mingi tried to tease me by pressing his cold feet against mine until I gave his shin a rather firm kick.

I wondered where he had disappeared to now, pondering whether he had gone home already. There were mornings when he’d quickly rush home before I could wake up, but as my brain cleared more and registered everything around itself, I realised a sweet smell was in the air. I flipped onto my back and rubbed my eyes to get the sleep out of them, a smile pulling at my lips as I heard the tinkering of pans and pots out in the kitchen. The bedroom door was left slightly ajar so that Mingi's tinkering in the kitchen wouldn’t wake me but so that the delicious smell could trick me out of bed. I chuckled and grabbed the edge of the blanket to pull it over my head, stretching my body out as I groaned in satisfaction when my vertebras popped. The croaking of the floorboards outside my door caught my attention, and I pulled the blanket off my head just as Mingi stepped inside the room with an amused smile on his lips.

“Good morning, Aurora.” I scoffed at his teasing, pouting up at him as he approached the bed.

“It’s not even late,” I grumbled, my voice a bit scratchy from having not used it for a while, “What are you doing up so early anyway?”

“Breakfast, can’t you tell?” Mingi raised an eyebrow as I hummed, glancing past him through the fully opened door now. Based on the delicious scents, I could guess that he was most likely making pancakes. Mingi loved pancakes, and he didn’t miss a chance to serve them whenever the opportunity was given to him.

“Are you done with it?” I asked, giving him a mischievous smile that made Mingi’s eyes narrow in suspicion.

“Does it matter?” He asked, leaning down, his hand resting next to my pillow as I chuckled.

“It sure does,” I mused, reaching a hand out to trace his bottom lip gently, “Because I’m not getting out of bed yet.”

“Well, my princess, I can serve breakfast in bed for—” Mingi cut himself off with a high-pitched scream as I grabbed his arm and forcefully yanked him down into the bed, thankfully he had half the mind to fall next to me and not completely on me, he was heavy since he was tall. Mingi’s large eyes stared at me as he raised his head, adjusting his position into a more comfortable one as I giggled, leaning forward to press a kiss against his lips, morning breath be damned. It was rather obvious that he didn’t know how to react, and it only made me laugh as I manhandled him onto his back before turning him onto his side, forcing him to face the sun.

“You should’ve closed the curtains, you monster.” I imitated his low voice, rather badly, as I cuddled up to his broad back, throwing my arm and leg around him. Mingi yelped as I fisted his blouse and pulled him back into my chest, my leg around his thighs tightening, “Now I’ll make you pay for waking the princess so early on.”

“Really?” Mingi’s tone dripped with amusement as I felt his fingers sneak around my wrist, “How?”

I smirked, leaning my head up to kiss his nape, knowing that it would tease him and give him the wrong idea. Mingi hummed low, intertwining our fingers over his heart as he pried my tight grip on his blouse off. I bit my bottom lip to try and stop my huge grin from spreading all over my lips.

“You are being sentenced to an indefinite time of cuddling with the princess.” My tone was serious as Mingi paused, making no sounds, “And you’ll be the small spoon too, princess.”

That got Mingi laughing, his chest rumbling as he raised our intertwined hands and pressed a kiss against my knuckles. I giggled and buried my head into his broad back, gently kissing it as we settled down into a comfortable silence. Mingi hummed, tracing my knuckles with his bare fingers, curling up his body to give me the chance to hug him into myself. My eyes fluttered closed as I pressed my forehead against his nape, breathing steadily and revelling in his familiar scent.

“You turned the stove off, right?” I mumbled into his skin, and Mingi hummed, nodding slightly.

“I have no intentions of burning down your lovely apartment.” I chuckled as I poked at his chest with my index finger.

“Great, thanks.” After a thought, I asked another question, “You made pancakes, didn’t you?”

“Guilty. Am I being charged for that too?” I could hear the smile in Mingi’s voice as he asked, his tone low, and I laughed, pursing my lips.

“Perhaps, yes, but I have to figure out what the punishment will be.” Mingi chuckled, wriggling his legs like a little child, “Although I can’t complain about getting free breakfast brought to me in bed.”

“Ah, ah, we are eating in the kitchen. If I spoil you too much, you’ll become too demanding, my princess.” I scoffed, staring at the back of his head, pouting slightly.

“As if…I’ve never had breakfast in bed before.” Mingi chuckled, turning his head to look back at me. We couldn’t exactly see each other, but I did raise my head to try and meet his gaze.

“Did someone buy you flowers? I saw them on the counter.”

“Yeah, I did. They are pretty, aren’t they?”

“They are, do you want me to buy you flowers in the future?”

Did I want that? I gulped, biting my bottom lip as my heart lurched suddenly. What was this? I thought my stupid thoughts and conflicting emotions were a thing of yesterday, of the past, and wouldn’t bleed into today, “I mean…I think, yes.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, then,” Mingi muttered, flattening our interlocked palms against his chest. His heart was beating steadily, his skin warm through his pyjama’s blouse. I closed my eyes and sighed, enjoying the silence as neither one of us said anything else. Mingi started humming something slow and quiet, something he most probably listened to on his vinyl. It sounded beautiful, soothing, and comforting…much like Mingi himself. I found myself chewing on my bottom lip again, wondering if Mingi felt the same way in my presence as I felt in his. It was a jarring thought, the curiosity to know more about Mingi’s thoughts. He was like an open book, yet I realised I never really knew what exactly was going through his mind. He could read my mind so easily, it made me wish I could do the same for him. Perhaps then I’d understand why he’d stare at me so deeply sometimes, why his smile would soften and his eyes would light up if I laughed, why he loved holding my hands even if we were just sitting down in the living room, watching a movie.

A whisper, something faint and so very quiet I almost missed it, echoed in my ears, telling me that I knew the answers to my questions. It was so obvious, it was right in front of me. Mingi had never shied away from the truth. But I was afraid that if I admitted that there might be something more between the two of us, it would become real. I didn’t want that, I liked the serenity of right now and the secure feeling I only get when around Mingi. He shifted slightly, turning on his side and making me scoot back a little bit as our eyes found each other, his soft while mine searched his face. He raised his head and leaned forward, pressing a kiss against my forehead.

“Do you want to meet up before the get-together?” Mingi asked, his voice low. I nodded as I pulled my hand out of his to turn him fully onto his back, slithering closer to Mingi until I was lying halfway on top of him. He grunted but hugged an arm around my waist, his large palm warm against my skin. I hugged him as best as I could, burying my face in his neck as my heart raced, wondering why I didn’t want this moment to end, why I wanted to lay in his arms, in my bed, forever. Mingi hummed almost as if he heard my thoughts, burying his nose in my hair as he gently caressed my lower back, “We should eat before the pancakes go cold.”

“Five more minutes?” I mumbled into his skin, giving in to the urge to pepper kisses against his collarbone and neck.

“Okay,” Mingi whispered, his body relaxing further underneath mine as I pressed a long kiss against his jaw, my eyes fluttering closed. I wished I could capture this moment and keep it forever, store it deep in my heart, away from any prying and questioning eyes. I never wanted Mingi to walk away, and that was scary; that meant I felt too much for him already.

            The day went by in a blur now that I had something to be excited over. I had been wondering what to wear all day long, and all that hard work to clean my closet went down the drain just a day later as I tried to find the right outfit. It wasn’t anything complicated or fancy, but I rarely went out nowadays, so I wanted to pretty myself up. The get-together was at one of Seonghwa’s fancy houses; him coming from a rich family came with such benefits. And despite his status, Seonghwa remained humble and a great person to hang out with. He had been one of the first people to welcome me onto campus, so excited to have all the freshmen gather up in front of the building, his papers stacked neatly in his hands, his smile bright as he called everyone’s name to make sure they were there before he gave us a tour of the university and its grounds.

The house was already filled with people by the time Mingi and I arrived. Our hands were intertwined until we walked up to the front porch, ringing the buzzer despite being able to just walk inside. We knew Seonghwa preferred it that way, always lurking close to the lobby so that he could welcome everyone. He was beyond ecstatic when he opened the door and saw it was us, pulling us into bone-crushing hugs as Mingi laughed, and I handed him our little gift. It wasn’t anything expensive but the corner store wine Seonghwa would often get drunk off of during our crazy years; it made him laugh as he beckoned us inside with a wide smile. From there on, Mingi and I had migrated towards the kitchen, accepting the glasses of wine from Hongjoong, Seonghwa’s husband. The two had moved fast, but they had no regrets, living their happy and quiet life in one of Seonghwa’s massive homes. Hongjoong was trying to break through in the fashion industry, and Seonghwa's mother’s expertise was certainly of help to him.

I remained mostly by Mingi’s side at first, conversing with our old friends or the new people we were introduced to. At some point, Jongho joined us too, already drunk and jolly. We were sitting at Seonghwa’s massive oak table in the dining room, laughing about a story a guy I didn’t know was retelling. He seemed to be on good terms with Hongjoong, though. The two looked like they had known each other for a long time, and Hongjoong would look mortified any time the guy remembered something new that we might not have heard about. Jongho’s arm was around my chair as we were huddled close together, watching silly TikTok videos on his phone, when I felt Mingi’s hand settle on my thigh, squeezing it reassuringly. I glanced at him from the corner of my eyes, but his attention was on the guy now making a scene, his voice shrill and loud as he and Hongjoong argued about the accuracy of his story. I paid no mind to Mingi as I made Jongho scroll to the next video, mumbling about wanting to show me something, just as Seonghwa walked inside the room, two familiar faces on both sides of him. I gasped as my eyes widened, and I was out of the chair before anyone could stop me.

I reached Giselle first since she jumped in front of me, hugging me tightly and even lifting me off the floor and whirling me around, making me yelp as I held onto her for dear life. Wendy joined in on the hug when my feet touched the ground once again, and we giggled to ourselves as Seonghwa took my previous spot, smiling fondly as he said something to Mingi. And from then on, the girls and I found a nice sofa in Seonghwa’s living room and huddled together to catch up on life. Giselle was back in the country but only for two weeks; her next exposition would be closer to home, and she managed to negotiate to lessen her stay period over there. Wendy was planning on taking some vacation time off and going home, relaxing to recharge before she embarked on her new project. We giggled and shared stories throughout the night, going from tipsy to drunk as our glasses were always refilled with some fancy wine that was rather sweet than dry. At some point, Mingi had wandered over to us and greeted the girls with a big grin, asking whether we wanted to have dinner. We weren’t hungry, so we declined, and Mingi left only after ruffling my hair and telling me to keep it down with the alcohol. He was right; my worst enemy was hangovers, and even if it was Saturday tomorrow, he knew I would hate myself if I had to stay in bed all day long.

“So,” Giselle spoke up, glancing at Wendy before looking back at me, “Mingi, huh?”

My eyebrows furrowed as I took a sip of my wine, my tongue tingly and my legs a little numb, “What about Mingi?”

My speech wasn’t slurred, but I was only two glasses away from it.

“Well, I heard you arrived together,” Giselle said, as if that meant anything. I scoffed, tilting my head with amusement.

“And? Everyone knows Mingi and I are friends, no?” My eyebrows furrowed when Wendy and Giselle glanced at each other, “Or do people not know? I thought it was obvious…”

“Oh, there’s certainly something obvious about you two; I just don’t think it’s your friendship.” Wendy snorted, placing her chin in her palm as my eyebrows furrowed even more. What were they talking about?

“I’m lost,” I huffed, “What do you mean?”

“It’s pretty obvious to everyone in this room that you two are dating.” Giselle said, breaking the silence that would’ve stretched on, “Why didn’t you tell us—”

“Wait.” I raised my palm, an incredulous laugh bubbling past my lips as I closed my eyes for a second, “Dating? Mingi and me? That’s ridiculous. We aren’t dating, not even in the slightest.”

“We don’t buy it.” Wendy fired quickly, grabbing my wrist when I went to take a sip of my drink, “He’s been looking at you with hearts in his eyes the whole evening, he checks up on you every hour, and he never goes far enough that he can’t keep his eyes on you. I haven’t seen a friend who’s that protective, to be honest, so you can’t lie to us.”

“I know we don’t meet up as often nowadays,” Giselle started with a pout as I turned my head to look at her, “but I thought you’d tell us something like this still. It’s pretty important if you ask me…”

Wendy nodded in agreement, looking at me expectantly. I gulped, my eyebrows furrowing as I looked around the room, finding Mingi leaning against the fireplace with a beer in his hand, speaking to Yugyeom and someone I didn’t know. He was smiling, listening attentively to whatever was being said, but almost as if he felt my gaze on him, he looked up, and our eyes met. His expression softened, and he tipped his can of beer in my direction, winking before he looked back at Yugyeom, nodding to something he was saying. I bit my bottom lip, feeling my two friends’ eyes boring into the sides of my face.

“You know we saw that, now, spill.” Wendy pressed, and I sighed, looking down at my lap as I played with my glass of wine. What was there to spill? Mingi and I weren’t together, and therefore, there was no groundbreaking news I should have told them about. We were friends and nothing more; maybe our intimacy went further than that, but that meant nothing.

“We are friends, nothing more.” I took a sip of my wine, wondering where Hongjoong had disappeared to with the sweet alcohol in my glass, “But we’ve grown closer over the years, after graduating especially. I don’t know, we just…we’ve been sleeping together, I guess.”

“I knew it!” Wendy exclaimed, making a few heads turn in our direction. She smiled sheepishly, and I cleared my throat, glancing at Giselle since she was still silent. She had a contemplative look on her face.

“For how long?” She asked, genuinely curious.

I shrugged, averting my eyes from my friends, “For ten months.”

“What?!” They echoed, their jaws slack as they glanced at each other before looking back at me with an incredulous look on their faces. I grimaced and looked around, making sure no one was trying to eavesdrop on our conversation. My eyes found Mingi again as I chewed on my bottom lip, wondering how much more I wanted to share with the two girls. I felt like they wouldn’t understand what we had, that our intimacy was just as much platonic and nonsexual as sexual too. It just made sense to me, to Mingi, and I hesitated in saying it out loud because I knew many people wouldn’t understand how that worked or what that meant.

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal. We are friends who sleep together sometimes, nothing’s changed besides that.” I muttered, downing my wine. Giselle’s eyebrows furrowed as she grabbed my hand.

“Are you saying you’ve never discussed what you two are?” This is why I didn’t like talking about Mingi and me, about whatever we had. They clearly didn’t understand and probably wouldn’t either.

“We don’t have to discuss it, Giselle, because there’s nothing to discuss. I can’t explain it either because it’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before.” My tone was harsh even if I didn’t mean it to be, and I sighed as I looked at Wendy and then at Giselle, “Let’s just drop this topic, please.”

“Okay,” Giselle said, but Wendy didn’t look done with this yet.

“You can deny it all you want, Y/N, but you’re in lo—” I stood abruptly, trying to keep my glare off my face as I looked at Wendy sharply.

“I’ll go and get a refill. Want something from the kitchen?” Wendy gave me a pointed stare as she shook her head, and Giselle shrugged, looking down at her own glass.

“Can you check if Hwa has any chips? I’d like some salted ones.” I nodded and turned around to head for the kitchen, my steps were heavy as I stomped through the house. I didn’t look at anyone as my head swirled uncomfortably, my thoughts eating me up and wondering what Wendy would’ve said if I hadn’t cut her off. But I didn’t have to wonder too hard since I already knew the answer, the skip of my heart proving it when I realised Mingi had brushed up next to me. He looked handsome tonight, ravishing even, in his form-fitting muddy green t-shirt, black cargo pants and thick boots. It showed off his physique nicely, his wide shoulders and small waist, the gentle but firm muscles of his biceps, and his broad chest. His black hair was gelled back, his small eyes sharper tonight as he had asked me to deepen them with some black eyeshadow. His numerous necklaces and bracelets were eye-catching, and his hands were littered with his silver rings. I sighed as I found the bottle of wine and poured myself some.

“Something happened?” Mingi asked gently, eyebrows furrowed. I shook my head and took a sip of my wine, taken aback when I realised it wasn’t the same one I had been drinking. Mingi noticed my grimace and chuckled, leaning over the counter to grab a different bottle of wine, “You’ve been drinking this one, not that one. That’s Hongjoong’s favourite, that’s why it’s so full, nobody really drinks it.”

I glanced down at the glass and hummed, deciding that I would finish it since I had poured it out for myself. I hoped Hongjoong wouldn’t mind too much, “Are you enjoying yourself?”

“If I say no, will you want to go home?”

“Well, is your answer then, no?”

“Nope, I’m having fun.” I shuddered when I felt Mingi’s pinkie brushing against mine, and I retracted my hand, very aware that anyone could see us right now. I didn’t want Wendy and Giselle to give me looks when I returned to them, so I busied myself by walking around the counter to look for chips in the cupboards.

“Okay, me too. Let me know when you want to head home.” Home, as in my apartment. Mingi was sleeping over tonight as well, we had concluded it was best I didn’t roam the city on my own if I accidentally became drunk…which I was, just not too drunk yet.

“I will, save me some chips.” Mingi grinned before he left the kitchen, making me slouch against the counter as I sighed, feeling something heavy settle over my chest. The night had started out great, and yet, I was regretting it now. Was it really visible to everyone in this house that Mingi and I were sleeping together? Did everyone think we were a couple, much like Giselle and Wendy? My jaw clenched as I grabbed the salted chips and my glass, marching back to my two friends. If they didn’t bring this subject up again, I knew I’d be able to relax at last, but for that, I needed more alcohol and less Mingi.

            By the time 3 am rolled around, everyone was drunk and tired, so it was time to depart from Seonghwa’s mini-mansion and head home. My feet felt heavy, and I was sure I would’ve fallen to the ground if it hadn’t been for the arm hooked around mine, keeping me steady despite Mingi’s already wobbly stance. We were both drunk, there was no denying it, our giggles and laughter loud on the empty streets as we walked further away from the fancy neighbourhood Seonghwa lived in. We’d thought about calling a cab or catching a late-night bus, but the crisp night air felt refreshing against our heated skin, and we’d already been walking for fifteen minutes. We only had about ten more and we’d finally reach my apartment. The streets were empty and dark, illuminated by the lampposts and the full moon above our heads, our guide for the night. I giggled at the sound Mingi made, trying to imitate the owls that hid on the tree branches.

“That was horrible.” I laughed, leaning my head against his shoulder as Mingi scoffed loudly and dramatically.

“No, it wasn’t! You try doing it, then.” He shrugged his shoulder to make my head bounce, and I laughed, looking up at the star-filled sky. Taking a deep breath, I let out a loud sound that was a mixture of a roar and a meow, terrible and so horrible I almost choked on my own spit. Mingi stumbled on his feet hearing it, then pressed a hand against his mouth as he broke out into hysterical laughter, making me pout with a huff. It wasn’t even that bad.

“Stop it!” I whined, pulling away to punch his shoulder. Mingi just laughed louder, clutching his stomach as we stopped walking. I threw a second punch to make sure it hurt this time, and Mingi whined, grabbing his left shoulder as his eyes widened, “Don’t look at me like that, I told you to stop.”

“You’re always so demanding.” Mingi groaned, rubbing the sore spot as I stuck my tongue out at him, taking off again. He was hot on my heels as he threw his arm around my shoulder, yanking me into the side of his body and almost making me lose my footing. I huffed and grabbed him around the waist, turning my head to bite into his chest since his jacket was pulled to the side. Mingi yelped and suddenly stopped, grabbing my jaw and yanking my head up, “Are you possessed by a wild cat, baby? What’s with you tonight?”

I giggled, staring up into his eyes with mischief, “No, I’m just drunk.”

Then, before he could anticipate my next move, I pushed him back by his firm chest and took off running down the street, squealing like a lunatic as I jumped on benches too, trying to put much distance between Mingi and me. He was calling out my name, voice loud and higher pitched, his pursuit loud as he stomped after me, asking me to stop before I got hurt. But I didn’t listen to him as I giggled, the wind whipped at my face as I ran even faster, barely missing the boulder which would’ve sent me to the ground, giving me a nasty bruise. Running like this in my inebriated state wasn’t smart; my feet felt heavy, and my head spun as I whirled around to try and gauge how far Mingi was, but all I saw was a blur of his dark leather jacket and hair slowly catching up with me. I giggled and faced forward again, ignoring the red light for the crosswalk since there were no cars around, and grabbed the lamppost as I made a circle, sticking my tongue out at Mingi when I saw the scrutinising look he sent me. Before he could grab me, however, I took off again, laughing loudly as I was reminded of a time back in university when we were stranded under a store’s canopy while it rained cats and dogs. We were drunk then, too, and my brilliant idea had been to run out into the rain and jump into puddles. Mingi was against it until he saw how much fun I was having, and he joined me as we jumped into every puddle on the street. I didn’t let him blame me after we both came down with a cold the next day.

My apartment complex was in sight as I smiled to myself, my heart racing as I slowed down into a casual jog, fishing around my pockets for my keys. Mingi’s ragged breaths reached my ears before his arms were wrapped around my torso, his breathing loud as he squeezed me.

“That was foul, I feel like I’m about to throw up.” He panted as I chuckled, unlocking the entrance to the building, “You’re laughing, but I’m being serious, baby.”

I scoffed and stopped walking, turning my head to look up at him, “Baby? Why the sudden petname?”

“Can’t I give you one?” Mingi raised an eyebrow, his tone snappy. I shrugged and started walking again, albeit struggling a bit since Mingi continued to cling to me. Walking up the stairs would be a challenge like this, but it was for shits and giggles after all. I could only hope my neighbours wouldn’t hate me too much since Mingi and I were far from being quiet, stumbling into the railing multiple times while we giggled, our bellies hurting from all the laughter. Mingi refused to release me, however, so getting up to my floor was even more difficult with our drunkenness added to it. But truthfully to us, we made it and then stumbled on the last step, shooting forward straight into my door. Something made a loud sound, and my eyes widened as I turned my head, watching Mingi’s grimacing face, his forehead leaning on the sturdy door. I had caught my fall with my left hand, but it seemed like Mingi wasn’t as lucky as me.

“Fuck, I think I just split my head in two,” Mingi muttered, rubbing the already-reddening spot and I pressed my lips together in hopes to stifle my laughter, but it was fruitless. The second our eyes met, I started laughing loudly with little regard for our neighbour's sleep, Mingi’s lips downturned into a pout as he gave me a sad look, “It hurts like a bitch, don’t laugh at me! You’re so evil, Y/N.”

That only made me laugh louder, but it was muffled by Mingi’s free hand pressing against my mouth. He couldn’t stop my laughter like that, but at least it wouldn’t wake the whole floor up. He also took the keys from my hands and tried to open the door as I finally was able to calm down, and playfully bit Mingi’s finger as he yelped. He gave me an incredulous look as he pulled his hand back, and I chuckled, hugging him around his waist as he finally unlocked the door. He pushed it open and stepped inside, pulling me with him since I didn’t want to let go yet. The door closed with a soft click behind us, and Mingi turned the light on in the small hallway, shifting around in my arms so we faced each other. His arms came to hug me around the neck, head lowered as I peered up into his eyes. He looked pretty in the dim lighting, I couldn’t help but smile at him as he hummed, brushing a strand of hair off my face. My vision of hanging up fairy lights in the entrance hallway suddenly returned as I realised the light would be reflected in Mingi’s soft and warm eyes, bouncing off his smooth skin and painting him in a warm glow. I gulped, finding myself breathless for no reason.

“I want to hang up fairy lights in this hallway,” Mingi nodded as I spoke, his face focused and eyes searching my face. His expression had turned serious all of a sudden, and I found my heart racing nervously, “I think they would look pretty, plus I don’t like how dark it is in this hallway. I could leave them on overnight.”

Mingi just hummed, cupping my face as his eyes landed on my lips, his tongue poking out to wet his. I gulped, finding myself mimicking him, still breathless and my cheeks warm, “You’d also look really pretty underneath the lights.”

Mingi froze for just a second, body tensing before he dived forward, his lips catching mine in a passionate kiss. I sighed as I pressed up on my tiptoes, fingers burying in his leather jacket as Mingi’s warm lips captured mine between his, insistent but attentive so he wasn’t overdoing it. I stepped closer until our bodies were flush together, and my head tilted back, a whimper escaped my lips when I felt Mingi’s fingers sink into my hair, holding onto gently. He didn’t have to ask for me to open up; I did it naturally and eagerly as our tongues swiped against each other, hungry and hot. Mingi tasted like cheap beer and caramel, I had seen him sneaking a few caramel candies into his pockets before we left Seonghwa’s place. He hummed against my lips as I let him have his way, front teeth catching my bottom lip and suckling on it as I felt my cheeks become even hotter. My hands slipped underneath his leather jacket and generously felt up his firm chest before settling on his back, my nails digging through the thin fabric and into his skin. I felt myself moving backwards until I collided with the door and Mingi moaned as I sucked on his tongue, eager to get his jacket off so that I could undress him. I couldn’t explain the sudden want in my body, the heaviness on my chest a little lighter now that it was just the two of us. I wanted to feel his naked hot body pressed against mine, skin to skin and heart to heart.

As I gripped the collar of his jacket, I felt Mingi’s fingers wrapping around my wrists and his head pulling back, puffs of hot breath hitting my lips. His eyes opened as I licked my lips, staring up at him a bit dazed. The sudden rush of oxygen felt almost sickening, but I paid it no mind as my eyes bore into Mingi’s. They were shaking, they looked utterly vulnerable as they hid an emotion I couldn’t quite read. I realised even his hands felt to be gripping desperately around my wrists and I gulped, wondering if something happened that made him feel like this. Perhaps his friends, too, had been drilling him about the two of us. I knew Mingi was a sensitive person, and once something bothered him, it would stay on his mind for a long time. But before I could voice my concerns, Mingi gulped and then spoke.

“I love you.” I felt my blood run cold as my fingers tightened into the leather, my eyebrows twitching.

“Mingi.” I whispered, an incredulous laugh falling off my lips, “You don’t.”

I didn’t let him speak as I pressed our lips together to silence him, but Mingi was pulling back as he shook his head, “Yeah, I do. I love you.”

My heart was racing still, but the excitement was replaced with anxiety. My jaw clenched as I looked at his face, registering the panic and desperation in his expression.

“I love you, Y/N.” I flinched as I felt his hands cup my cheek, his head leaning closer as he forced me to stare into his eyes, “I really—”

“No.” I cut him off, voice trembling as I grabbed his arms, fingers aching as they dug into his jacket, “Stop it, Mingi, you don’t know what you’re saying. We are drunk.”

“Sober or drunk, it really doesn’t matter, baby.” His voice was low and a bit rough, riddled with slight panic, “I love you no matter what.”

“Fuck, no, you don’t, Mingi.” I snapped, my voice harder as I felt my hands shake, my eyebrows furrowing. It was as if someone had splashed cold water over my head; my toes felt numb and my legs too heavy to move. I couldn’t look at Mingi’s face anymore, so I averted my eyes, dread settling in my chest. Had Giselle and Wendy talked to him? This couldn’t be happening, not now. Why did Mingi have to love me? We’ve been fine until now; why would he ruin our friendship over something as silly as love?! Did he even know what love meant? Why was he so sure he loved me?!

“Y/N, please just—”

“No, Mingi, you don’t love me.” It felt as if someone had a vice-like grip around my throat, making it harder and harder to breathe and speak, “Stop with the nonsense.”

“You are the one speaking nonsense, Y/N.” Mingi snapped, eyebrows furrowing for a second before obvious fear crossed his features, “I love you. I will say it as many times as I have to, until you believe me. I love you. I really love you, Y/N, I—”

“Shut up!” I didn’t shout, but my voice was higher as I slapped his hands away, wishing to take a step back, but the door behind me stopped me from doing so. Instead, I pushed at Mingi’s chest to put distance between us as it suddenly felt hard to breathe, my bottom lip trembling, “Get out.”

“What?” Mingi’s face fell, his eyes widening.

“Go home,” I whispered and grabbed the doorknob, twisting it so that I could open it for him. Mingi was frozen, gaping at me as if I had just said the most horrible thing to him. I didn’t look at him as I gulped, feeling the overwhelming urge to cry. He had to leave now, I refused to cry in front of him after he told me he loved me.

“Y/N—”

“Goodnight, Mingi.”

A beat of silence passed as neither one of us moved, and a chill ran up my arms as Mingi’s jaw locked, his eyes narrowing into sharp slits. I didn’t care, at least I told myself, as he brushed past me without a greeting or a kiss to my forehead, without brushing his fingers against mine sneakily, without a sweet and warm smile on his lips as he winked. I slammed the door shut as I heard him going down the stairs and quickly locked the door, scared he’d let his stubborn mind win and turn him back around, storming back inside my apartment. My legs suddenly gave out as I gasped, my brain in a daze from the alcohol and Mingi’s words as they swam in my head, loud and clear as if he was still standing in front of me and repeating them.

The only problem was that it had started sounding mocking and insincere the longer it echoed in my ears, and I flinched when I felt my cold tears streaming down my cheeks. And then, out of nowhere, a painful sob tore through my chest, shaking my body as I pulled my knees up into my chest, crying until there were no tears left. Love was a dangerous feeling; it never lasted, and it was misleading. It’s never been kind or fair to me, I couldn’t do it. Mingi wasn’t in love with me, he was just confused.

>> next chapter

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[rmview]

So cover me nowwwwowwwwwww!

With seungmin maybe? Man I love that song 😭😫🎢

Ps: I've been doing ok. The exams kicked my ass.but now I'm all good lol

#kim seungmin #comfort, fluff #milestone game

the rain poured in heavy sheets, drowning out the distant hum of the city. you pulled your coat tighter around yourself, shivering as the wind cut through your soaked clothes. the storm had come out of nowhere, the sky splitting open just as you stepped off the last bus stop before home.

you were debating whether to make a run for it when you felt someone tug at your wrist.

“are you an idiot?” seungmin’s voice was sharp, but there was an undertone of concern beneath it. he held out his umbrella, covering you both as he pulled you closer to his side.

you blinked up at him, startled. “what are you doing here?”

“walking home. what does it look like?” he sighed, shaking his head. “why didn’t you check the weather?”

you huffed, pushing wet hair out of your face. “i didn’t expect a typhoon.”

“clearly.” his lips quirked in amusement before he sighed. “come on. my place is closer.”

you hesitated for a moment, but the cold seeping into your bones made the decision for you. he didn’t wait for an answer, simply adjusting the umbrella so more of it covered you before starting down the street.

the walk was quiet, the sound of raindrops hitting the fabric above you filling the silence. seungmin didn’t speak, but he was close enough that you could feel the warmth of him radiating through his sweater. it was grounding, comforting in a way you didn’t want to acknowledge.

by the time you reached his apartment, your teeth were chattering. seungmin unlocked the door with one hand, guiding you inside with the other. “go dry off,” he said, already heading to his room.

you stood awkwardly in his entryway, watching as he rummaged through his closet before tossing a sweatshirt in your direction.

“wear that,” he said simply, disappearing into the kitchen.

you changed quickly, the oversized fabric swallowing you whole. it smelled like him—clean laundry, a hint of something warm and familiar.

seungmin returned with two mugs of tea, setting one in front of you before flopping onto the couch beside you. “better?”

you nodded, wrapping your hands around the warm ceramic. “yeah. thanks.”

he didn’t respond immediately, just sipped his tea before glancing at you out of the corner of his eye. “you should be more careful.”

you rolled your eyes. “i’ll check the forecast next time.”

“good.” he let out a small breath, barely audible. “i don’t like seeing you like that.”

something about the way he said it made your chest tighten. you turned to him, your voice softer. “seungmin…”

he met your gaze, something unreadable flickering in his dark eyes. and then, almost too quietly, he murmured, “so just… cover me next time, too, okay?”

the words lingered between you, unspoken meanings heavy in the air. the storm raged on outside, but in that moment, sitting beside him, you had never felt safer.

authors note: thank you for requesting sweetie! so glad life’s been going good for you xp exams kicked my ass too but yay for us getting through it! it’s still taking a while for my inspiration to come back, but i’m slowly getting into the writing flow again (i get burnt out too easily :')) hope you enjoyed this!

[samsblades]

Sam Winchester who's never really gotten over Jess. It lingers. Though he's had many one night stands and such she's always there afterward. In his dreams- he wakes up with her in their shared bedroom. The one in the small town house they used to rent out near Stanford. When he was younger he'd have dreams of growing up with her in that house. Either that or moving out to a better place- one he cab afford with his new job as a lawyer. Move to a house where it doesn't have that annoying leaky tap in the bathroom. Where there aren't slightly suspicious discolouring spots on the ceiling. Where the neighbours don't hold parties every Thursday. Looking back- anywhere would be fine where she is. He misses her. Every waking moment. Sometimes he feels so guilty about ever coming into her life- blaming himself for it all. Other times he thinks about driving down to visit her grave again. Has it been well kept? Has anyone left flowers for her? He feels guilty for not having done it in a while. He feels guilty most days. That and an unrelenting rage. When it's all over he thinks he'd like to lay down and die. Fall back into her arms. Would she come as daisies or poppy's? He thinks of that sometimes when he and Dean dig out someone's grave. On the day he meets you he talks to her that night. Hoping for an answer maybe. If she's okay with it. She is. A part of Sam wishes she wasn't. It makes the guilt a little heavier. He lives with this guilt. It's not some ball and chain he's dragging around- it's an organ that's been transferred into him. Though, rather than keep him alive it just makes him sick. He doesn't know though. Hard to see a ships holes when you're on it. Maybe at some point Jess starts to fade. Like left over food on a plate when you rise it under the tap. This one is kind of leaky. It starts slow, he doesn't even realise it until he can't remember what she looked or sounded like. He regrets not buying that camera she told him about. Was it a camera? He's starting to forget. She's more like a lingering scent in the breeze nowadays than the aromatic perfume she was. He misses her. He doesn't think he'll ever stop. But as she rinses away, she makes room for you. Because it's what Sam needs. Or maybe it's what he really wants, the guilt just taunts him everyday. Or perhaps him imagining her is his coping mechanism. He wouldn't be the first. With you around now though, he's becoming more grounded. Letting himself rest a little longer in the comfort of your hold. You're not Jess. Never will be. But you're you and that's a beauty in itself that can never be recreated. He's learning to love you. Carefully. He's scared you might burst into flames too- or some other horrific way to die. But you're there. After all of it. You're still there. Nestled tentatively in his heart. You haven't taken Jess' space. You're not her. You have your own and you're just as precious. Perhaps more considering how careful Sam is around you.

(Hope you feel better soon! Lock in on that studying!!)

i've always always felt like jess just lingers and lingers and lingers and lingers and aches and aches and aches and aches forever and ever and ever and ever. and all of this is just yes.

he learns to love again with you, but he never stops loving her. he never stops feeling guilty about her. he never really stops being afraid for you, because of her. she's always there, and he's glad because that's the least he could do for her after what happened. she deserves to be there, forever loved and remembered and mourned for. it's just lovely because you're there too, and sam wonders if it's real or not. if he could ever have something nice that truly lasts. you stay and you stay and you stay and sam thinks it must be a long, long dream.