#. >> beatlewishes !

[sammyluvr]

This Sam who accidentally gets turned into a werewolf (I imagine demon!Dean getting payback on Sam for when he got him turned into a vamp in season 6. Except lycanthropy is irreversible.) This Sam who tries to keep himself together and act human when all he wants to do is roll around in your bed after a hunt and absolutely smother you so you smell like *him*. Werewolf!Sam who's canines are just a little sharper than normal and he forgets about it sometimes so when he bites during sex he breaks blood and gets all whimpery in apology and licks it clean but doesn't stop pounding into you because honestly, you smell fucking great. Werewolf!Sam who tries out different cultural foods at first that include animal hearts but after a few tries gives up because he finds it tastes better raw. Werewolf!Sam who honestly feels dirty. He's never been clean. Infected with demon blood since he was 6 months and now he's a werewolf- doomed for purgatory. Werewolf!Sam who one night confesses to you after a hard full moon. He's woozy, all tired from scratching the flooring of the dungeon in the bunker. He confesses that he wishes he was just normal for you. To which you deny his claims- because yes, he's not entirely normal. But that's fine. He insists it's not. Because one day when the sun sets for the last time for you two, you'll be up in the sky while he'll be in purgatory with all the other dogs. You who comfort him and then ask him something that toes the line between being selfless and selfish. You ask him to turn you. Because you'd rather spend eternity in purgatory with him and the leviathans you'd put away than sip pina coladas in heaven all while knowing he was suffering. That you'd never see eachother again. Sam, who gets mad at you for even asking him such a thing. Who practically growls at you to not even think of that because he doesn't want to damn you to the same fate as him. And you, selfish yet selfless you who gets him to bite you when it's the full moon. You almost regret it. But you'd rather fight Chuck himself than be apart from him.

his canines :,) absolutely crying his canines would be so pretty.. i really like him licking up the little scratches he gives you :,)

super obsessed with this... thinking about madison here too... him feeling sooo guilty for being alive but having had to kill her OOO BROTHER just give him everything in the world to be guilty about won't we T_T IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT BABYGIRL I SWEARRR

NO BUT I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THE PURGATORY THING UNTIL YOU BROUGHT IT UP... I'M DYING SCREAMING CRYING THIS IS NOT OKAYYYY WAHHHHH and yeah sam would be like never never never i would never do that :/// and to have him bite you when he's out of control during a full moon... oh man that's so fucked UPPP I CAN'TTT like ugh yes you'll be in purgatory together forever, you'll fight off everything you can together, you'll survive together just like always. but he'll be so hurt and upset :(( because honestly it feels like another violation of his autonomy. i mean he's so relieved to have you with him. but he thinks he deserves to go through this alone and he feels horrid that you're now stuck with him here forever :,) crying

but agh i love werewolf sam hehehe muah <33 and i love you!!!

[sammyluvr]

Just gonna leave this here for you...as well as some thoughts <3

DEMON! Reader who is actually a little bit good. Sure, reader is evil. A little piece of shit but they know when to be kind. They know the difference between hell and earth. It's easy to point out the bad things when you see them in yourself but it's also easy to point out the good when you see it in Sam. You know it's bad to give him your blood- you know it is. It's corrupting him. But you can't bear to have him beg to you for it. Witness him having withdrawals- you just can't. So you let him. Let him drink up the blood from you that he needs- from wherever he wants. Sometimes he gets a little too needy or too excited so he'll bite your inner thigh a bit too hard and draw blood as he sucks you off or eats you out. Sometimes you can't tell who's the dog and who's the owner in the relationship. Your both devoted to eachother in a way. You just can't seem to stop tailing him and his brother everywhere while he always somehow ends up at your door with sour gummy worms as if they're a stick he got for you between his teeth.

USDGFHSIKJ YAGDFHISAJ RARRARARARRRRAHHHHH not sam winning me over with sour gummy worms what. jk that would work on me... could be real worms and i'd be like. wow this the greatest gift i've ever received let's have some crazy sex now !!!!

no but i'm thoroughly obsessed with UGHHHH... like it's impossible not to give him what he wants. and damn maybe he just wants your blood, but that's only at first, if ever at all. he wants your blood. it's never as sweet from any other demon.

and his eyes, god his eyes are so pretty, you feel so terrible letting him keep sucking the blood from your pretty thighs, but it feels so good and there's no going back when he looks like he could cry if you don't give it him. you hate when his hands shake, so you have to give it to him. and maybe you know it's bad, but you can't deny your nature. you're built to corrupt, made to taint. being with him is giving into your everything. your evil, your love, your compulsions, your sympathy. your pleasure, your greed, your lust, your odd attraction to good. at the end of the day, you're both the dog.

[sammyluvr]

Idk if this is Ur thing but there's this Hybrid stuff going around. Like basically a cross of a human and an animal but it's not like werecreatures- idk how to describe it but I just imagine Sam being like a deer hybrid- proud and big antlers nearly scraping the ceiling and cute ahh little tail. I imagine he had bigger antlers at the very beginning- especially when he was at Stanford but when Jess died they fell off (due to built up stress. My own headcannon with hybrids is that the more stressed n shit they r the more it'll show on them physically, just like humans but a lil different.) And while hunting he's sort of going through phases where he's growing them back or they then fall off- or get cut off as torture :(

He's such a cutie patootie to me. Don't even get me started on tfem deer hybrid Sam cause I imagine her putting little white spots on herself with white out or some cheap drugstore make-up. She wants to be pretty too so she ducks down lower and doesn't grow out her antlers- politely asking Dean to help wrap them so they stay stumpy for a little longer before she can't stop them.

Or or tmasc doe hybrid Sam who is honestly such a knight- being chivalrous and standing with a straight back as he carries around some macrame antlers he made with Jess (which sadly burnt in the fire and he then made some with you after a while). Tmasc Doe Hybrid Sam who uses drugstore make-up as well but to cover up his little white dots. Tmasc Sam who only really works out so he can plow a dildo into you proper- mount you proper- as if he can actually breed you :p in reality he gets all whiny and only bucks his hips into your mouth when you suck off his little t-cock and scissor his pretty little hole while his cute little tail wags under his ass.

Deer Hybrid Sam who didn't start growing out his antlers again after Jess' death for a while until after he met you. Pretty little you. Always there to comfort him- granting him words his brother can't exactly do. He tries not to be perverse about you. Keep his otherwise gutter worthy thoughts to himself and only himself. But sometimes you leave some panties lying around- and tfem Sam just loves trying them on no matter how guilty she feels after it.

Imagine gripping his antlers while riding him or something- ohhhh fuuuckk. Or the way they'd scrape your tummy a bit as he'd eat you out or suck you off- DROOLING FOR HIM. The tail wags...he's so obvious it's almost pitiful and not to mention the way his ears wpuld flick up to hear your voice whenever even a syllable is uttered by you. Dean teases him about it nearly all the time. I imagine in the later seasons- maybe when things are more settled and he grows his antlers out properly he let's you decorate them for Christmas- little baubles hanging and some tinsle. He asks if there's a star but you just tell him to look in the mirror.

Now- idk to what depth you'd be into this but I also like the idea of him having like a deer bottom- legs down. Think the goat man in Narnia- how he had two goat legs but his upper half was human except for the ears n horns. Idk but the little clomps of Sam's hooves... ugh- and cleaning them for him?!? Just euthanise me please I can't go on anymore if he's not real.

Hope you have/had a great day <3

yes i've seen plenty of hybrid stuff, less so in this fandom though so far! it's not hugely my thing tbh but it's definitely enjoyable!!

i think i've always seen/thought of mostly dog hybrid sam so i loveee this concept of deer/doe hybrid makes me so :,) because sam is so deer <33 and it's sooo extra adorable AGH especially trans hybrid sam, must squish their cheeks and help with affirming their gender hehehe.

i just love all of your thoughts on this so much agh!!! too too good the macrame antlers makes me emo actually :,)

OMG not because gripping his antlers while riding him is actually really hot hehehe <3 his cutie patootie ears ugh i love <333 christmas antlers. his pout... pretending he hates it but he can't too much becase it's making you smile.. sigh.

the deer version of a satyr/faun is a bit silly logistically in terms of certain things to me BUT it's definitely a fun concept! not sure if i find it attractive but i do love a good mythical/supernatural creature in any shape or form!! idk sam's always hot so. yeah hehehe

thank you for your thoughts my love!! i had a good day, i hope you did/do too!! <33 muah muah

[sammyluvr]

TRANSFEM SAM THOUGHTS UPON YE!!! You going bra shopping with her even tho she hasn't gotten top surgery yet. You teaching her about sizes and demonstrating how they'd feel with some oranges you'd brought so she can get a proper idea of what it'd be like- so it'd be easier for her to choose what size she'd like. You, kissing her neck and calling her your little good girl a few weeks after that day when she bought some lingere and she looks sooo pretty with her cock filling up in those cute lacy panties. Cue her revealing to transmasc you that she picked out a strap on dildo for you to use- one a size she think would suit you <33 Her getting all flustered with your excitement to seeing her in lingere and responds by peppering kisses along your top surgery scars. Then you have cute n a little bit savage sex cause she's a biter at the end of the day. (Btw, what do u think of chastity cages? Cause I have some thoughts ab transfem Sam wearing one sometimes but idk 🤷‍♀️)

OH OH AND AND Imagine on a diff note- you and Sam go on a hunt together after a witch. Which turns out was a minor slip up on her part when they accidentally turned someone into a frog (he was a dick) and when he turned back he made a big fuss and it ended up in the papers so u and Sam went to check it out. Turns out this witch deals with trans people and gives them their dream body (really just a gender swap) in return for a favour (whatever they need. Usually groceries or someone to pay their mortage cause they don't like to leave their home n money is tough to earn.) So when Sam and reader confront the witch, the witch is like "Yall are so mean about this- he deserved it and I do what's good for the people who come to me willingly." Cue a bit of ignorant Sam being like "are you sure about that? Do they get to turn back?" Blah blah blah all that shit and readers tryna shut him up cause he's being a dick and the witch decides to curse them both, treating them a lesson not to mess with them and to get a feel of what it's like being in a body you hate, by swapping both their genders with a curse that only lasts for a month. The witch books it obvi and reader and Sam are left in their home in very very different bodies than when you first entered. Reader is all tall and buff, actually getting to look down at Sam now. He looks really different too. A little shorter than he was before but still tall for a woman. His hair is longer and he's got some softer features- that goes completely without mentioning his huge tits now (I headcannon he's a D) and his clothes are all big on him now. It's embarrassing. The two flounder around in panic (mainly Sam while reader sorta just flexes in the mirror occasionally.) They end up swapping clothes but end up having to go buy Sam and reader undergarments cause it's weird wearing someone's undies and Sam's tits r a lil bit too big for readers bra. I'd honestly love to see this get turned into a fic series or sm where they have to learn to handle their new bodies now (don't get me started on the cycle Sam goes thru ugh and reader getting to help out?!?! Not to mention he's sooo pretty now.) And how to handle the constant misgendering that occurs. Sam hates it but tries not to resent others because he can't blame them for how he looks but its a bunch of dysmorphia and comfort and maybe just maybe Sam teaching reader how to jerk off cause they get blue balls accidentally and reader doing the same for Sam cause he's ovulating and has had the biggest crush on reader since forever <3

Hope u like these thoughts pookie <3

WHOO you know i love your thoughts pookie, muah!! <33

i'm actually. going fucking feral thanks!!! she deserves bra shopping even no matter what.. maybe she has the cutest little boobs from estrogen <33 kissing her and praising her when she shows you the lingerie she got.. or maybe you picked it out for her and you go a little extra feral bc you're seeing her in the bra and panties that you chose... maybe just maybe you're a little possessive <3 god, sammy's girlcock straining against her panties is something i admit to thinking about a lot :D

and RAGHHH extra feral at the part about her getting a strap for you i'm @_@ going insane... like damn. she really picks out the perfect size for you too. god this is so hot i'm foaming out the mouth i need to fuck her :D um yes crazy biting sex with her most certainly ensues <3 as for chastity cages i've never really though about them much at all tbh, not my thing i think but i can definitely imagine that being incredibly hot with her ngl

this second concept is so interesting too omg

I WOULD BE TRYNA SHUT HIM UP SO HARDDDD LIKE SAM STFUUU THEY'RE HELPING TRANS PEOPLE THIS WITCH IS MY NEW FAVORITE PERSON T_T

i mean :D i'd be living my best life personally HAHAHAH but the witch doesn't have to know that <33 poor sam though lmao. but uhhh super hot teaching each other how to get off in their new bodies :D

on another note i always think about tmasc reader and tfem sam (neither of whom have gotten any surgeries or started hormones yet) getting body swapped by a witch who thinks they're cursing them and they just. don't ever go through the work to break the spell because they prefer it that way LOL and that's like. definitely weird but i find it really hot for some reason :D maybe bc i think me and tfem sam would thrive in each other's bodies hehe <3

[sammyluvr]

Aaaaa I loved it sm! Ur such a good writer, getting me all teary eyed at 6 am :') Thank you!

yayyyy i'm so glad!! ahhh you flatter me, i hugely appreciate you saying so MUAH <33 thank youuuu <3333

[sammyluvr]

Hiya, can I pretty please request for a 5 Q or J with loud/talkative reader expressing their insecurities to Sam that people are getting bored or annoyed with them and that they'll leave (they have attachment/abandonment issues). It's not like they even mean to be loud or a blabber mouth- it just happens even after they try to keep it together and act all mysterious (that shit doesn't work ),: ) They're doing this underneath a streetlamp where reader was originally sat on the curb alone but then Sam joined them cause he realised they weren't in the motel room anymore. (Btw Sam and Reader aren't together yet so this is a sort of confession!)

Hope you have fun with this or atleast think of it. Love ya pooks <3

yayyyy hehe hi love!! thanks for the request, i love you too!! here it is <333

[sammyluvr]

Omg an awakening just occurred- I don't know if you're into it but omegaverse stuff just hits for me personally. Like I'm imagining Sam atm...ugh, he gives off very very big Alpha vibes n I'd die for that literally. Him just being all needy in his rut n practically flopping himself on top of you. Or always just being right beside you. No way is he going to let you out of his sight. I saw someone do Sam as an Alpha and Dean as an Omega and idk it just makes so much sense to me and I feel like it'd fit perfectly w their story. Like imagine John being more proud of Sam as well because not only did he go to Stanford but he's also an Alpha while Dean is his omega son. Not to mention their 4 year age gap, which idk if the terms are right cause it's different for every omegaverse things, but I've heard that they present what they are at that age or sm like that and that's why Sam came four years later. I love hating on John Winchester and will do anything to vilify him. Stone me idc. Anyway- imagine how conflicting it'd be for Dean cause all his life he's been seen as lesser. More useless and tainted than his younger brother cause of his second gender but with literal God and the heavens looking at him to stop the apocalypse and be Michael's vessel at the price of condemning his brother to the cage with lucifer forever...the resentment boils his blood but he'd never do that to Sammy :(

And Sam who doesn't realise how much better he has it as an Alpha. Like literally- the brothers don't talk ab it because growing up it was taught as taboo. Idk what I'm on ab anymore. Anyway- Just Alpha Sam needing you a lot n marking you and fucking you so hard you think you might tear in half. He's very sweet afterwards tho <3

HIII i mean omegaverse is not my thing. shrug nothing against it but i just don't think about it or seek it out ever.

but!!! you do certainly make an interesting case here!! it definitely sounds like it would create a whole other level of tension and character arcs and stuff!! i just loveee anything that makes shit more complicated and devastating T_T at least in sam and deans dynamic here LOL

but yeah <3 i love any version of sam that fucks rough and then is sweet <33

[sammyluvr]

Hiii- ik it's prolly not the time yet where u r but HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I wish you and all of your dear followers a great year ahead filled with good health and fortune <3 mwah mwah

it's not quite yet but HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU !!!! and many many thanks !!! i wish you health, happiness, luck, and love !!! muah muah <333

[sammyluvr]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVELY <33

thank you so much my darling mUAH MUAH !! <333

[sammyluvr]

✶ . ၄၃ .  something to cling to — aaron hotchner

cw : gn!reader, father-figure!hotch, hurt/comfort, angst, reader is around 18-22/a young adult in college, set sometime before/close to the beginning of season one, dead parents (reader's dad), abandonment, overall parental issues lol, anxiety, crying, panic attack probably, ft haley and the early season one team, food mentions, poor editing, 4.6K words. thank you @beatlewishes for inspiring me!

summary : aaron has been a sort of father figure since the death of your father. he picks up from your apartment at the start of winter break only to find out that your mother has left you.

aaron doesn’t hear from your mother very often. not that he needs to. you’re an adult with your own phone and campus apartment and abilities to communicate when you need something from him. that just means he takes things extra seriously when they come from her. so when she texts him, asking if he can pick you up for winter break and let you stay in his home just until her work day ends, he immediately responds with a resolute, yes, of course.

it’s the sort of thing that you’d normally ask him about, but it’s nice to see your mother be the one to take the initiative to ensure that you don’t have to take the subway with your heavy bags, all alone in the cold.

the text he receives is last minute, and he leaves work earlier than usual to arrive at your apartment on time. your mother told him you have to be out of campus housing by 8pm, and it’s a bit of a drive from quantico to your school. unfortunately, he has to be on a call the whole way over, and never gets the chance to text you that he’s on his way. he just hopes that you know he’ll be the one to pick you up rather than your mom.

the look on your face when you open the door for him tells you right away that you weren’t told. he holds back a sigh, giving you a gentle smile instead.

“hi, kid. i know you were expecting your mom. i’m sorry. she had to take an extra shift at work, but she’ll come pick you up from my house later tonight. that okay?” he asks sincerely, even though you don’t really have a choice.

you try to smile back. at least he’s here, you suppose. it means something that your mom asked him to come get you when she couldn’t, though you wish she’d have told you about it so that you didn’t get so excited by the knock on the door, expecting it to be her. she’s sort of distant these days, and you barely get home because you work on the weekends. you haven’t seen her in a while, and though things have been hard for years now, you still were looking forward to seeing her. she gives good hugs and promised to take you to your favorite restaurant on the way home to celebrate the end of your semester.

“hi, aaron. of course it’s okay. thank you for coming to get me. it’s too damn cold for the subway,” you say, trying not to sound disappointed. you’re sure he can see right through you, just how he can with nearly anyone at all, and he knows you well.

“it certainly is too cold. i’m glad your mother texted me. can i carry anything for you?” he always offers to carry your things, even if there isn’t much. you hand him your heaviest bag, and carry all the totes and looser things in your own arms. you murmur a thanks, to which he replies, “of course,” then watches as you balance a considerable amount of bags in both arms as you turn off the front light and lock the door. he’d offer to help with those too if he didn’t already know that you’re stubborn and like to take care of things for yourself.

his car is right in the parking lot, but he wishes you’d put on a scarf or a hat or maybe both before going outside. it’s quite cold; there’s snow in the overnight forecast. haley told him so this morning. he walks at a brisk pace so he can get you in the heated car sooner.

there’s enough room for your things in the backseat, so he doesn’t bother with the trunk. he puts your duffle bag on the seat, then opens your own door as you set down the rest of your things before heading to the driver’s seat. he knows he doesn’t have to worry about it, but he still checks that you’ve buckled your seat belt before he pulls out of the parking lot.

you’re polite and never snappy, entertaining his questions about how things have been since the last time he saw you, which wasn’t all that long ago. he’s a very busy man, arguably busier than your mom, but you’ve seen him more recently than you saw her. he’s very caring like that, though outwardly quite stern and stoic. you were very intimidated by him when you were younger, scared even. but your father was friends with him for years and years, close enough that you sometimes would forget that they worked together. it’s not something you forget anymore, not after your dad died on the job. and since then, you very rarely see him in his casual clothes like you used to as a kid.

he’d be over at the house in t-shirts and quarter-zips, but since your father died, your mother doesn’t invite him over for casual dinners much anymore. he’s become busier, too, so nearly any time he visits or takes you out to dinner, he’s still in his suit and tie. that’s not something you mind, of course, it’s just one of the many things that have changed, even if small and often inconsequential.

when aaron runs out of things to say, he sighs to himself, quiet enough so you won’t hear it or overthink it. you lean against the cold window and keep your eyes trained on the passing street lights and shops and tall dc office buildings. he knows you’re feeling upset that you’re mom couldn’t make it, but that you’re being adult about it, by being kind to him and trying to talk it through in your head, like always. you’ve always been a little too adult for being so young, he thinks. he can’t blame you, though. 

there’s simple lights on his front porch and a pretty christmas tree showing through the front window. haley hugs you when you step inside, and you can feel her growing belly against you. their house is perfectly warm and it smells like dinner’s been cooked not too long ago. you give her the warmest smile you can muster.

aaron puts his hand on your shoulder as you head to the table for dinner and you start to relax. maybe this isn’t what you were wanting, but it’s nice. you’d been hoping to have dinner with them soon, anyway, so what’s the harm in it being now. haley’s always so sweet, extra maternal and doting now that she’s pregnant. aaron can tell she likes the way he acts around you, caring and soft, because it makes her think of how he’ll be for their baby on the way.

you’re very grateful for a warm, home cooked meal after a semester of whatever you can scrounge up in your apartment or the less than ideal dining halls. after dinner, you get comfortable on their couch. aaron sits on the other end and turns on the tv to the channel he thinks you’ll like best, at least for background noise. he’s relieved to see you working through your disappointment of not seeing your mother right away. it pains him to see you upset in any capacity.

but the contented calm of being in a warm, familiar home doesn’t last all that long for you. your mother’s night shifts always go late. then there’s the twenty minute drive from there to here. you understand this very well, but conversation with aaron lulls and the tv runs turn boring and the clock ticks late enough that a tired haley retires to bed. you’re naturally anxious, unsure how to react as your night is ruined once again.

you try to call her, text her, call her again. aaron watches you carefully. you huff out in frustration. “she’s not picking up. she should’ve been here half an hour ago.” he can tell that you’re covering up your worry with a hint of anger.

“i know. i’m sure she’ll be here soon, she’s probably on the road right now. that’s why she’s not picking up,” he placates.

“no,” you shake your head, “the calls just aren’t going through,” you stress, a hint of your anxiety peaking through the cracks of your weary composure. “it says her phone is off.” this sparks real concern for him.

“let me try,” he says, hiding his own worry to avoid adding to yours. he almost promises to get you home with her tonight, but he’s learned not to make promises he doesn’t know for sure that he can keep. when he calls her, he steps away. not to hide anything from you, just so you don’t see his face as he calls her once, twice, three times. she doesn’t pick up and you’re noticeably distressed now. 

he sits right next to you on the couch and puts his arm around your shoulder. “her phone could’ve just died, sweetheart,” he quickly assures you, knowing that you’re already thinking about worst case scenarios.

because the worst case scenario has happened to you before, and no matter how many years it’s been, that feeling of dread and worry and then absolute devastation never leaves you. aaron was the second person you cried to after your father died. your mother was of course the first. now, you try not to cry in front of either of them, but you fear it’ll happen tonight.

you’re more than anxious, on edge, and maybe at your wits end tonight. after finding out about one dead parent, you worry extra. you scare easily. and this semester hasn’t necessarily been easy. you’re so tired. not just pulled an all-nighter and fell asleep on your computer for an exam tired, but months of stress and loneliness were supposed to come to an end today, but have just gotten worse kind of tired. and that’s very quickly tugging at your ability to think rationally or keep any sort of composure.you wring your hands in your lap and your shoulders are tense underneath his steady arm. he gives your bicep a comforting rub.

“we’ll find her. she’s alright. we’ll wait up a little longer for her. if she doesn’t show up tonight, you’ll sleep here and i’ll call my team. they’ll find her and make sure she’s alright,” he reassures you. he knows you’re worried something bad has happened to her. 

he doesn’t want you to know that he’s worried that she’s left on purpose. the way she texted him to take you home today, neither of your calls going through, and the way he can tell even from afar that she’s been distant as of late makes him wary. and he’ll have to tell you eventually, but he’d rather wait until he has better proof, rather than a hunch. he knows his suspicions would upset you, likely make you angry with him.

“shouldn’t we start looking for her now?” you ask nervously, eyes already teary. his heart clenches at the sight.

“well, honey, i’d start with calling her workplace to see when she left,” he tells you, leaving out the ‘or if she was there at all’ part, “they’re already closed, though.” he takes another look at you and sighs softly, not in frustration, but concerned affection. “but you’re right. it’s a good idea to at least check if there’s someone there still. i’ll call there and a few people who might be able to help. but we’ll be able to find out the most tomorrow morning, okay?”

his words provide both assurance and a new bout of urgency. “but what if something happened to her?”

aaron’s face softens a bit more, just for you. “i understand you’re worried about that. and you know i’ll always take this sort of thing seriously. that’s my whole job, buddy. i really think she’s alright. you know she gets lonely at home and stays at her friend’s sometimes. and… you know she sometimes has bad nights that she’d rather you not see. there’s lots of potential reasons why she hasn’t shown up yet, and i can promise you, statistically, the odds that something very bad has happened to her aren’t as high as you think. she works in a safe area and your mother is a very smart woman. i’m not telling you not to worry or that i won’t do everything i can to find her right now, i’m just telling you that i think she’ll be okay, yeah?”

you listen closely, almost clinging to the sound of his low, comforting voice to avoid spiraling. you nod along, swallowing nervously. “okay,” you relent, huffing the word out, but not relaxing one bit. your body can’t get rid of the memories of finding out that your father had died. since then, you’ve never done well with waiting or uncertainty. 

“there’s not much you can do to help me. will you try to get some sleep? the guest room is set up.” the moment he suggests it, he physically feels you tense even further underneath him. “or you can stay up right here to wait for her while i make some calls.” that gets him a nod.

the idea of being left alone with just your anxious thoughts, the dark, and the quiet as company is unsettling to say the least. that’s what trying to fall asleep in the guest room means.

aaron can easily assume that’s why you’d rather stay here, but he knows it’ll do you no good to try and stay awake. that’s just more overthinking and lost sleep. so he changes the channel to nature documentaries and sits at the dining room table where you can see him through the doorway and just barely hear the low rhythm of his deep voice over the tv. he doesn’t want you focused on what he’s saying, but more so his steady, reassuring presence. 

it’s 3:04 in the morning when hotch runs out of things to do. he’s called his best assets that might pick up at this time, and written down every detail about the situation and your mother to share with his team. he looks through into the living room to see your drooping eyelids and slouched form. a little longer and you’ll probably fall asleep on your own, but he wonders if he could coax you to lay down with a blanket and a pillow. he stands quietly, and your eyes flick up to look at him when he walks past. he gives you a small smile, doesn’t answer the question in your tired eyes yet.

he takes the comforter and pillow from the bed in the guest room and before you can protest, he lays the blanket over you.

“did you find anything?” you ask sleepily, hesitantly taking the pillow from him as he hands it over. you’ll feel less guilty if you sleep on the couch rather than a comfy mattress. the pillow lays over the plush of the comforter in your lap.

“not yet,” he says gently, “i wasn’t able to get a hold of anyone at your mom’s work, but i got in contact with a few people i know who can help. the team will have plenty to work with in the morning. i already emailed and asked them to come in early.”

you give him a dejected nod. “thank you,” you murmur. he takes one of your hands in his.

“of course,” he says firmly, like he needs you to know just how much he means that. there’s absolutely no hesitation in his desire to help you. he’d stay up until three in the morning every night until he does what he can to fix this. unfortunately, his suspicion is that it’s something he can’t fix, but he’s prepared to be with you every step of the way.

“i’m too anxious to sleep,” you whisper. he crouches in front of you, his knees bumping against your shins for a moment through the fabric of the blanket.

“i know,” he murmurs back, taking one of your restless hands in his before pulling you into a hug, not bothering to move the softness of the comforter and pillow between your bodies. you sink into him, wanting to cry, but too tired. you’ll probably cry tomorrow instead. his hand smooths over the back of your head, coming to rest on your back right below your neck. it’s so steady and firm, warm and comforting. “i’m sorry this is happening. we’ll figure it out. why don’t you lay down? i’ll sit with you if you think it’ll help. i’m just waiting for someone to call me back.”

“okay,” you mumble into his shoulder, taking a long, deep breath and savoring the shield of his arms against all else for a few moments longer. then you pull away and he sets the pillow down on the couch cushion for you. you sigh, lowering your head and pulling your legs up. you take care of the blanket yourself, but he still takes the time to make sure your feet are nice and covered so you don’t get cold overnight. he turns off the last lamp in the room, though the dim chandelier over the dinner shines through the doorway. then he pulls the coffee table closer to the couch and sits on it.

by the time he’s settled, your eyes are already closed, but there’s a pinch between your brows and a frown on your lips. he frowns back at you, his gaze sweeter and sadder now that you can’t see him. one of his sturdy hands finds yours, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles as if he can soothe away the crease right above your nose. a little huff of air leaves your nose and he frowns deeper. his other hand lands gently on the side of your head, smoothing over it to calm you and ease you into sleep. haley always falls asleep faster with his hands in her hair, so he thinks it might help you.

you feel his thumb brush over your eyebrow and you wonder if he knows that your dad used to do that when you were younger or if he’s just trying to get the anxious muscles in your face to relax. you’re pretty sure the frown never leaves your face, but you fall asleep much quicker than you thought you would. 

it’s not very restful, but your body keeps you in the dark until it picks up on the movement of aaron and haley going through their morning routine. there’s hushed footsteps and the sound of cereal pouring into a ceramic bowl, milk splashing.

you stretch slowly, neck aching, eyes dry, stomach and heart heavy. then you pad into the kitchen, feeling oddly shy and sheepish after overtaking the couple’s couch for the night and keeping aaron up and away from his wife until so late. they’re both in the kitchen, aaron ready for work and haley pouring her bowl of cereal. she looks tired when she turns in your direction at the sound of your footsteps, and aaron looks composed as always. haley looks at you with a much more obviously sympathetic expression, but he smiles at you too.

“would you like some cereal, honey?” haley asks, walking over to give your shoulder a little rub. “if you feel like something else, you’re more than welcome to anything in our fridge. don’t tell aaron, but there’s frozen waffles in the freezer.” the thought of eating makes your stomach churn a bit, but you think you can handle something as simple as cereal.

“just cereal is alright, thank you,” you murmur.

“of course, sweetheart,” she smiles, grabbing you a bowl and spoon and letting you serve yourself. you sit at the table in silence, slowly chewing the food that takes a little bit like nothing to you. neither of them ask you anything or try to make you talk when you’re clearly not wanting to. aaron stands to put his bowl away and leave. haley watches with a sigh as you quickly stand to meet him at the door.

“please let me come with you,” you ask, letting a bit of vulnerability seep into your voice. “i won’t be any trouble, i just– i don’t know if i can sit here and do nothing.” 

he purses his lips and studies you for a moment. sometimes it doesn’t help to have a family member hanging around as they search for someone. and sometimes they’re worse off there, too. but he knows you’ll listen if he asks you to just stay in his office and it might be good for you to see gideon. you’ve known him even longer than hotch.

“alright,” he relents, “why don’t you go grab a book, you won’t find the ones in my office to be any fun. get dressed quickly.” 

you nod once and your thank you trails behind you as you rush off to change out of your pajamas. then you’re in his car on the way to visit the bau after a long time. you haven’t been to the office in over a year. sometimes you avoid it like the plague, other times you try to visit more often to feel closer to your father when nothing else works.

gideon is the only one who’s there before hotch. when you were a kid you thought he lived there. he’s quick to give you a kind smile and warm hug. aaron thinks the hug does do you good, though it makes you a bit emotional when gideon says your name and a simple, “we’ll do our jobs and take care of it.” then he sends you back to aaron with a firm pat on your back.

aaron keeps you in his office after that, so you don’t see reid or morgan when they arrive. you catch a glimpse of morgan walking across the bullpen when you look out the window, though. it’s alright, you don’t really know them as well as hotch or gideon.

it takes a few long, silent, and tedious moments for you to settle enough, but you somehow find it in you to read the book aaron advised you to grab. you don’t really pick up all that much, but it’s a distraction. you scribble on some loose paper with a pen you unceremoniously lift from his desk. it takes a lot less time to get an update than you though it would. your hope was running low.

but hotch shows back up not to long after and closes the door behind him. he sits next to you. you stare at your hands.

“our technical analyst, garcia, was able to track your mother’s phone. it’s not turned off… but if looks like our calls weren’t going through. she didn’t answer, but garcia’s number was able to call her. we should be able to get a hold of her soon,” he explains evenly, gently, as he places a hand on your shoulders. there’s something, maybe more, that he’s not saying and you know it.

“…why weren’t our calls going through?” you whisper, afraid of the answer. he sighs like he’s afraid of giving it to you.

“it seems like she blocked our numbers, honey. we’ll keep looking until we’re sure she’s safe and we get in contact with her, but right now it looks like she’s… well, it looks like she’s running. garcia tracked her to a town in western pennsylvania. she’s stopped for gas along the i-80. we called her job. she put in her two weeks at the beginning of the month,,” he tells you, both apologetic and matter of fact. his suggestion hits you like a punch to the gut. they’ve found her. that’s good. aaron thinks she’s running, presumably away from you. not good. unacceptable, you feel.

“wh-why would she do that?” you ask, voice breaking and turning teary much faster than you intended for it to. you’re a bit horrified, and maybe a little lightheaded from it too. you’re sure that this can’t be real. 

“that’s what we’re trying to figure out. is there any reason you could think of?” he asks gently, trying not to make the question too abrasive. 

“no,” you insist, a little harshly and vehemently that it makes you feel a bit guilty. you’re angry and upset, though. “you’re asking me if there’s any reason i could think of that would explain her leaving me? s-supposedly rubbing away like- like some kind of teenager? except that means leaving her kid behind without a word? after promising me she’d pick me up and take me to dinner, is that what you’re asking?” you’re crying by the end of it. you hate how your anger always dissolves into these stupid, pitiful tears. 

aaron’s sorry that he asked, but it’s hard for him to believe it, too. he just wants to understand the situation. that’s how he figured out a way to start making it better. that’s his job. but he remembers that right now it’s his job to hug you. to tell you he’s sorry and that he’s honestly not sure what’s going on either. that he’ll figure it out, though, and get you back to your mom. maybe he’s not supposed to be completely honest, but he’s one for telling the full truth, so he tells you it might take time, but that he’ll be with you the whole time.

“i’m sorry, honey,” he says again. you cling to him and cry for a while. he fights the urge to check his watch and just keeps his hands cupping the back of your head and soothing up and down your back. 

you want to argue with him. to demand further proof, to insist that she’s innocent, like you’re her damn lawyer and he’s her prosecutor. that though makes you cry harder because you’re her child and he’s only trying to help. and you’re just so tired. far too tired to say anything, but a pained “why,” mumbled into his chest. he’s not perfectly sure, but he’s spent all last night and this morning figuring it out. he wishes he’d paid better attention, tried to see her more and picked up on things before she actually skipped town. god, he feels so sorry. 

“i don’t know,” he says quietly, a half truth at best. his whole job is to come to see and understand the why, and he has a few ideas, but it’s your mother’s job to explain it to you, not his. and his overly analytical conclusions, even if spoken gently, wouldn’t ease your mind one bit. “we’ll get her on the phone and we can ask her. we’ll figure it out. i want you to stay with haley and i until we’ve got everything sorted. is that alright with you?”

you wipe at your face and nod, still leaning against him. “okay.” you’re not sure how you feel about staying with your mother after all of this, even if she returns sooner than later. right now, it feels like aaron’s your only constant, even when he’s gone all the time. it’s just that he seems to come back each time, with a certain gentleness and the sort of soft smile that his coworkers don’t see very often. 

then, you suppose it’ll be weird. aaron will be away from home most of the time, and it’s not as if you can spend your days in his office. so you’ll be with haley, who’s about to become a mother, and you wonder if that’ll hurt too much.

but at the end of the day, you won’t be alone. “okay,” you repeat, as teary, a little more relieved, because you have something. something to cling to, and it has to be enough.

[sammyluvr]

⋆ —— 𖦹 tag game !

make a moodboard showing the vibes that you’d bring to supernatural if you were a character ! inspired by @legalmente-loca’s post :)

tagging : @mxltifxnd0m @deadgirlsam @toadspondofwhimsy @outof-spite @hhoneylemon @nebulacrumbs @beatlewishes @immodestly-marina @angelicjackles @figurantedefilme @lelapine @s4wdvator @transchesters @rositaslabyrinth @rubyvhs @our-lady-of-venom @nuemanfilms @studiogrimm810 @romanticbunny + literally everybody everrrr if you want !! no pressure tags ofc <33

[sammyluvr]

— ★ tag game !

thanks for the tags @immodestly-marina and @angelicjackles <333

summer or winter // coffee or tea // straight hair or curly hair // fiction or nonfiction // necklaces or bracelets // marshmallows or whipped cream // night in or night out // sunset or sunrise // pizza or pasta // cold drink or hot drink // vampire or werewolf // crop top or oversized hoodie // be able to fly or run at super speed // speak many languages or able to speak to animals // be invisible or read minds // phone call or text// laundry or dishes // pool or beach // flats or heels // stay home or go out // coke or pepsi // cook dinner or do dishes // books or movies // dogs or cats // chocolate or vanilla // facebook or instagram // over-dressed or under-dressed // morning or late nights // always late or always early // dancer or singer // always eat only dessert or always eat only savory // shopping or museum // art gallery or zoo // parties or picnics // white lights or multicolored lights

tagging : @mxltifxnd0m @toadspondofwhimsy @transchesters @deadgirlsam @hhoneylemon @lelapine @our-lady-of-venom @outof-spite @studiogrimm810 @s4wdvator @rositaslabyrinth @rubyvhs @figurantedefilme @nebulacrumbs @beatlewishes + anyone who wants, no pressure!