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nebulouscoffee · 1 year ago

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The thing about Kai Winn's storyline ultimately being a tragedy is, it's not only a tragedy because her fate (in the eyes of the non-linear Prophets) was already known and nothing she did or said was ever going to make them acknowledge her- not only because she wanted so badly to have a big role to play in the grand, historic story of the newly independent Bajor and just couldn't handle the fact that she was never meant to- not only because the Prophets spoke to Sisko and Bareil and Kira and literally even Quark but not her- not only because she was deceived and raped and killed in the end- but most of all because, it was partly her love of Bajor that killed her.

Think about it- her whole regression during that final arc with Dukat is so tragic precisely because she was THIS close to redemption! Throughout the show, we see that her brain processes information in very rigid, binary ways: if you are not my ally, then you are my enemy. If you disagree with even one of my opinions, you are my enemy. If you refuse to endorse and support me in this mission, you are my enemy. That's part of why she's so easily swayed by fascist rhetoric, I think- she's just unable to cope with nuance. (This is foreshadowed in 'Shakaar', where she puts the whole of Bajor under martial law just because Shakaar disagreed with her over how she was handling soil reclamators.) Her personal narrative is I am the one who will save Bajor -> anyone who gets in my way is my enemy and therefore an enemy of Bajor -> I must stop them using any force necessary for the good of Bajor because I am after all the one who will save Bajor.

But when Sisko discovers the city of B'hala in 'Rapture', she is for the first time forced to accept the truth that he really hasn't been faking this whole "talks to the Prophets" thing- he's the real deal. We learn later on (when she tells "Anjohl" about how she honestly felt nothing the first time she saw the wormhole open) that a small, small part of her actually always doubted the existence of the Prophets. Now, she is faced with definitive proof that they are not only very real, but they also really do have a bond with Sisko. And for a while, she even comes to terms with this! In fact, at the end of the episode, she and Kira have possibly their first completely honest exchange:

KIRA: Maybe we're the ones who need to trust the Prophets. For all we know, this is part of their plan. Maybe they've told Captain Sisko everything they want him to know. WINN: Perhaps. I suppose you heard that Bajor will not join the Federation today. The Council of Ministers has voted to delay acceptance of Federation membership. KIRA: You must be very pleased. WINN: I wish I were. But things are not that simple. Not anymore. Before Captain Sisko found B'hala, my path was clear. I knew who my enemies were. But now? Now nothing is certain. KIRA: Makes life interesting, doesn't it?

Like, YASS babygirl- you too can learn to handle nuance!! I believe in you!!💪💪

And later on, at the onset of the Dominion War, she comes to Sisko for advice herself. She doesn't want to see her planet colonised again, and she's even willing to put aside her desire to be the main character to ensure it doesn't happen. Driven by pride and the need for power as she is, she is also driven by the desire save Bajor (and preferably be the one saving Bajor, which is the subsection of this desire that ultimately ends up being her downfall) - and she does briefly decide that cooperating with the Emissary is the best way to do this! I think about this scene from 'In The Cards' so much:

WINN: ... I have asked the Prophets to guide me, but they have not answered my prayers. I even consulted the Orb of Wisdom before coming here and it has told me nothing. So I come to you, Emissary. You have heard the voice of the Prophets. You were sent here to guide us through troubled times. Tell me what to do and I will do it. How can I save Bajor? SISKO: You want my advice? Then this is it. Stall. Tell Weyoun you have to consult with the Council of Ministers, or that you have to meditate on your response. Anything you want, but you have to stall for time. WINN: Time for what? SISKO: I don't know. But I do know the moment of crisis isn't here yet, and until that moment arrives we have to keep Bajor's options open. I'm aware that this is difficult for you, given our past, but this time you have to trust me. (Winn holds Sisko's left ear.) WINN: Very well, Emissary. We put ourselves in your hands. May we all walk with the Prophets.

In the earlier seasons, Winn would often casually make claims that the Prophets had "told her" something, or that she was just "doing what the Prophets asked"- and her political position as Kai always allowed her to just lie about being in contact with them all the time. Now, you can see the sheer humility- the embarrassment, even- on her face as she (for the first time) openly admits to Sisko that she has never actually heard them speak before; and that they clearly "prefer" him. Yes, there's some (understandable imo) bitterness here- but not at him, at THEM. And when she tries to read his pagh at the end- something she probably does to dozens of people every day, most of whom would unquestioningly believe anything she declares afterwards- she doesn't even try to pretend she felt anything there. It's one of her most genuine moments in the whole show, you can just SEE the redemption arc in reach and it's so heartbreaking!!

I think 'The Reckoning' is a huge episode for her too, for many reasons- but let's talk about how it sets up this fascinating parallel between her and Kira (who Odo describes in this episode as having "both faith and humility"). The Prophets choose Kira as their "vessel" because she was "willing"- meanwhile, Winn was right there just begging to be a part of this! Here she is, with a Prophet right in front of her face- and she prays and postures and begs and prays some more, all just to get ignored. Kira's brand of faith is very, "I am ultimately insignificant and I surrender my power and my body and pagh to the Prophets"- Winn's is more, "if I do all the right things, then I will be able to prove to the Prophets that I am worthy of their attention, worthier than everyone else, and maybe then they'll appoint me the saviour of Bajor! It's My Destiny, You See!! (Why Isn't This Happening For Me??)" And the events of this episode are kind of a big slap in the face to her honestly, because they sort of prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Prophets have no interest in her. Maybe stopping the battle was also an attempt at regaining some kind of agency with them- I DID THIS, I pulled a switch and it had a direct effect on the Prophets, so there!! (Whatever that effect entails). She does care about Bajor. Of course she does. But her ideal configuration of Bajor involves her being a major player in its salvation, which she was just never meant to be. And this is why she's so tragically susceptible to Dukat's manipulation- he was the first person ever to tell her everything she always wanted to hear.

And the intriguing thing about Dukat's deception is, it doesn't all fall apart at one go. It falls apart in layers. And this makes for some excellent, excellent Winn characterisation imo.

First, she thinks the pah wraiths are the Prophets- and they tell her, hey, The Sisko has faltered, Bajor needs you, and only you can fix this. Good lord, imagine finally getting to hear those words after a lifetime of silence! And it's very telling that her first reaction isn't to gloat like she would've in the earlier seasons, but instead to humbly- even anxiously- pray. Bajor needs her, the "Prophets" have asked her to do something, this is her moment! Then, this random lovely Bajoran farmer comes in and tells her even more things she has always wanted to hear- that her activism during the Occupation (ignored by Kira and Sisko alike) saved lives, that he always wondered why the Prophets would choose an alien as their Emissary, that surely Sisko and his followers were mistaken- and finally, "our world will be reborn- with YOU as its leader". Sounds good, right? But THEN she finds out she's been speaking to the pah wraiths and the lovely farmer is a devil worshipper actually. And she tries the "wash away my sins" approach- she wants some kind of quick fix ritual that will "purify" her, so she can continue to be Kai the right way. She even admits to Kira that she's always been power hungry and she wants to change- and I believe her! Unfortunately, Kira then tells her something she doesn't want to hear- that she has to step down as Kai. And surely that can't be, right? She's the saviour of Bajor! She's so complex... it's not simply her love of power that this scene reveals imo, but more significantly, her inability to see herself as not a vital part of Bajor's history; of this whole larger narrative. Like-

WINN: I'm a patient woman. But I have run out of patience. I will no longer serve gods who give me nothing in return. "GIVE ME"!! ADAMI MY BESTIE MY GIRL MY BUDDY THEREIN LIES THE PROBLEM!!!

So, okay, fine, now she's swayed over to the side that maybe the Prophets aren't that great, and maybe the pah wraiths are the true gods of Bajor (because they were willing to talk to her), and maybe she's okay working with the devil worshipper. But then it turns out he's DUKAT- and at this point, she's literally murdered someone, she's ready to stop this, to go back to Sisko and set things right- but then the book of the Kosst Amojan lights up because of the blood she spilled. She did that. It happened as a direct result of her actions. She's just so desperate to be acknowledged... to have a role to play in all this, no matter who offers it to her. So the pah wraiths actually giving her a reaction isn't something she can resist. And here's where things get even more tragic.

WINN: But the prophecies! They warn that the release of the Pah wraiths will mean the end of Bajor. DUKAT: The old Bajor, perhaps. But from its ashes a new Bajor will arise and the Restoration will begin. WINN: Who will be left to see it? DUKAT: Those the gods find worthy. It will be the dawn of paradise. And you, Adami, are destined to rule it. WINN: You're sure of that? DUKAT: It is meant to be.

Again with the ease at which she's swayed by fascist rhetoric! Let's be clear, she was (and is) absolutely against the Cardassian Occupation. But her worldview is built on the pursuit of being "worthier" than everyone else, of being "closer to god" than everyone else- her expectation of faith is that it's some sort of determiner of who's doing it The Most Effectively, rather than it being a practice- and she just completely misses that any sort of plan that executes masses and spares whoever is deemed "worthy" is... literally exactly what people like Dukat did to her planet. Something something faith as competition, faith as determiner of inherent superiority, faith as a way to gain power via proximity to god… never faith as submission. And the worst part is she’s self-aware. It’s heartbreaking.

And it's about to get even more heartbreaking, because she truly believes she has arrived at her girlboss moment in the finale (I think the tragedy of her being a rape victim and knowing this and having to hide the body of the one (1) person who was looking out for her while being stuck with her rapist speaks for itself.) After kicking Dukat out on the street (lol), she studies the eeevil texts and realises that to set the pah wraiths free, you need to make a sacrifice. So now she gets to deceive him in return. And she does! The look of shock on his face when he discovers she poisoned him is priceless imo, and her triumph as she taunts his dead body, the sheer joy on her face as she casts off her Kai robes, when she recites those incantations and something actually happens- and that too such a large pyrotechnic spectacle- is so sad knowing what's coming. Because ultimately, the pah wraiths want to destroy Bajor, right? And Winn just doesn't. Of course they don't choose her. Of course they choose Dukat over her! She really thought that by tricking and murdering him, she'd made him the unimportant piece of the puzzle, that she was stealing back his thunder- but tragically, it turns out even the pah wraiths see her as disposable. Of course they resurrect Dukat (a man who's proved time and time again that he wants to see Bajor & Bajorans destroyed) and turn her into the sacrifice. The way she screams "NO!" here breaks my heart- she's betrayed her planet, and it was all for nothing. (Dukat's "are you still here?" is particularly devastating.) I think it's very significant that her final words are "Emissary, the book!"- it shows that in her last moments, she's owning her mistakes- she's stepping away from power and putting Bajor first, and leaving her own fate in the hands of the Prophets. Who, of course, once again ignore her, and choose to save Sisko instead. God.

The utter tragedy that even in the pah wraiths' plan, she was just a pawn. That she died at the hands of the gods she thought chose her, but used her, all while the gods she'd coveted her whole life stood by and did nothing. The Prophets chose Sisko because they believed he would put Bajor's interests over even his own- and now they ensure he will be back one day to see the new Bajor. She never will.

Yes, it was her pride that got her here. Her mean streak. Her inability to cope with nuance. Her inability to see herself as ultimately insignificant. Her inability to surrender to a higher power in any way that didn't involve becoming more powerful herself; more relevant, more "close to god". But it was also her love of Bajor. Because if she'd cared about Bajor less, then maybe the pah wraiths might have chosen her- or at least spared her, or taken her to their realm after she burned, the way they did with Dukat. Now, she ends up being the one thing she never wanted to be: insignificant.

Honestly if I had to summarise the tragedy of her arc in one sentence, it would probably be Kai Winn: Too Evil For The Prophets, Not Evil Enough For The Pah Wraiths. She and Dukat are not the same! She is a perfectly pathetic, sad and wet blorbo and I am holding her gently in my hands while apologising for her crimes <3

#cw rape mention #ds9 #just to be clear: I did write this post after seeing the take #'the prophets never spoke to winn because even they found her insufferable & knew she didn't even care about bajor'#which I happened to disagree with (as I do w/ every take that claims she didn't care about Bajor or that she and dukat were 'equally evil')#BUT! this is absolutely not meant to be a callout post or anything #there is a lot of general misogyny in discussions about her and I have my issues with the way people make light of her trauma #but if you just don't happen to love her as a character that's totally fine! honestly the very last thing I want #is to make anyone reading this post feel bad (or for it to be used to hate on people who just like other fictional characters more)#so I kindly request that people not reblog this post with that sort of energy thank you <3 #(also I might turn off reblogs if I suddenly get shy lol)

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solalunar-eclipse · 6 months ago

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Unconventional Chemistry

@voidshrub, this one's for you. Thank you for giving me the inspiration to write this, and for being so kind about it during its beta stages. You're fantastic :D

EDIT: AO3 LINK ADDED

Summary: Cinnemon R. Addison has the best coworker-slash-friend ever. She and Macaron get along really well, make each other's lives better, and just all-around enjoy spending time together. Surely this platonic relationship will have exactly zero changes over the course of this story! (very much /sarcastic and /light-hearted)

(Disclaimer: all characters belong to @/brightgoat. I'm just having fun with them over here in my little corner. (Double disclaimer: their art can be rather more graphic at times than what I tend to write. Please be aware of this before looking them up.))

Cinnemon’s work shoes clicked cheerfully on the sidewalk as she walked down the streets of Cyber City, up early for work as usual. She smiled brightly at everyone she passed, and even when she was ignored, it couldn’t dampen her mood in the slightest. Her new assignment for the next few days had left her so excited, it felt like she’d already made this place a success before she’d even stepped through the door.

After all, how could it be anything else when she was working with Macaron?

Cinna pushed open the front door of the cute little cafe where she’d be working for the week, perking up even more when a bell jingled to announce her entry. “Hellooo?” she called. “You here yet, Maca?”

A shout came from the back room. “Ah! Sorry! I’m just getting some stuff set up, I’ll be right there!”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll be back in a sec!” Cinna called, already setting down her bag (minus a couple of items) on the nearest chair and heading for the door to the prep area. Upon opening it, she was met with the sight of Maca herself, long hair done up in a ponytail and tucked into a black lacy hairnet.

“You’re always so professional—you’re not even baking yet and you’ve already got the uniform on!” the yellow Addison cheered. It was true, too. Maca was wearing a white short-sleeve blouse and calf-length lavender skirt, complete with a pretty grey apron.

She giggled, blushing a slightly deeper shade of blue. “It’s too early for compliments, Cinna! I’ve barely even gotten started!”

Cinna raised her eyebrows, gesturing to herself. She was notably lacking the lavender waistcoat and bow tie or the half apron, only wearing the black pants and white button-down so far. “You’ve barely even gotten started? Says the one who’s all dressed and already warming up the kitchen!”

“Well then, get yourself ready and get in here! I need somebody to take over baking while I start the drink menu!” Maca insisted. “We need the cold drinks and food ready ahead of time so I can work the warm stuff while you wait tables—unless you wanted the back today?”

Cinna sighed, buttoning up her waistcoat and straightening the ends of her tie. “I know people say I have a friendlier customer service attitude, but you’re so much more calm when you’re working the front! How do you do it?”

The blue Addison sighed. “You just have to not care what they think of you, then it’s easy. But I know you’re not the type to do that—you always want everybody to have a good time. It’s too kind of you, but I suppose I’d never want you to stop being kind anyway.”

“Aw, Maca! Now who’s giving too many compliments?” In spite of her protests, Cinna was beaming. With a quick movement, she slipped on her apron, and then took over the stovetop from her coworker with ease.

“Oof, thanks!” she said, sighing with relief. “I need to mix up a couple batches of the lavender lemonade and the berry soda so we have plenty in reserve—I might be kind of quiet for a sec while I measure all that out.”

“Works for me! I’ve got some cupcakes to bake and sandwiches to build. You want some music while we work?”

Maca smiled. “Of course I do.”

The two moved through the kitchen with practiced ease, handing off tools and ingredients with quick exchanges. This wasn’t the first time they’d worked together; the two of them had been proven to earn well when they ran any kind of specialty eating establishment as a duo, so they were paired up quite often. Scrollon might’ve made plenty of money with his long-time bakery, but Cinna and Maca were flexible enough to work at a variety of places, and were often in hot demand at larger restaurants. If anything, this kind of setup qualified as a break to them, since they got to work with someone they knew well in a smaller space instead of making food to a random person’s specifications.

In under two hours, they had a full menu prepared and ready, all of the places were set, and the doors were opened to customers for the day. As Cinna hovered in the doorway, waiting for the first people to trickle in and kickstart the morning rush, she turned back to Maca and shot her a nervous grin. “We all ready? Any last-minute prep I gotta do?”

Maca sighed fondly, stepping forward to briefly squeeze the yellow Addison’s shoulder. “Cinna, we’re going to be fine. Just breathe, smile, and do your best, that’s all we need.”

Cinna, meanwhile, was currently bright red and only half listening. “Huh? Oh, yeah, right, sure! I can do that!”

“I know you can.” Maca said, with so much confidence in her voice that Cinna thought she might combust if she blushed any harder. Thankfully, she was saved from any potential arson charges by their first customer, who cleared their throat politely from the doorway.

“Ah! Hi, welcome! Come right this way and I’ll find you a seat,” Cinna began, already slipping into customer-service mode with a cheery wave.

Maca tapped her once on the arm. “If you have any trouble, just let me know, okay?”

Cinna beamed back at her, before going to begin the simultaneously rewarding and utterly exhausting task of tackling the morning rush. Thankfully, the small size of the cafe naturally meant that she couldn’t have too many customers at once, even if there was also a line out the door more often than not.

Still, she handled the crowd with all the expertise of someone who had done so plenty of times before. Even though she wasn’t exactly what one would call “graceful under fire”, her good humor and honest charm were more than enough to carry her through easily.

Cinna couldn’t help but find herself grateful, however, once the breakfast rush was done. The rest of the day proved to be much more manageable, as both she and Maca had predicted in advance. Light food and varying drinks definitely remained popular throughout their open hours, but it was a much more tolerable flow than the flood of people they’d had at first.

(Partly as a joke and partly to make a point, Maca had set up a “number of times Cinna apologized for something that wasn’t her fault” counter in the back room. By the end of the day, it was well over twenty, and that was just the times Maca had noticed. Cinna was rather embarrassed to see just how high the numbers had gotten, but remained unrepentant, insisting that one of the keys to making customers happy was keeping them from feeling guilty.)

(Maca disagreed.)

At the end of the day, as Cinna was washing up the dishes and Maca was packing away the ingredients, a comfortable silence rested in the café. Occasionally, Maca would hand over a newly liberated dirty dish, briefly pressing a hand against Cinna’s upper arm in apology for the extra work.

Between the two of them, cleanup didn’t take very long at all, but they still lingered past when they should, carefully tidying the place until it was impeccable just to spend a few more minutes together.

“I’m glad the berry blend sparkling water was a hit,” Cinna said warmly, as she finished stacking all the glasses just so. “You had a smart idea there, and if anybody doesn’t notice that then they’re missing out.”

It was dark in the café by now, so she could have been excused for missing the otherwise bright blush on Maca’s face. “It’s only a drink, really. I know it sounds too cliché, but your cinnamon doughnut holes were perfect—just small enough so people feel comfortable asking for a bag to-go.”

“Hah, I would say we should create a ‘staff recommendations’ section, but we’d have to make a disclaimer that mayyybe they shouldn’t be paired.” Cinna’s smile turned wry.

Maca let out a sharp breath, almost a laugh. “No, not at all—the drink’s far too sharp to complement the cinnamon sugar well. We’d need something more neutral, like a nice tea.”

Unfortunately, at that moment, Cinna let out a massive yawn. “Sorry,” she sighed. “We might have to leave that for tomorrow…I’m beat.”

“Fair enough,” Maca said. If the yellow Addison had been looking, she would’ve been astonished by how soft her expression was. “I’ll see you early tomorrow morning, then?”

“I already can’t wait!” Cinna cheered quietly, finally picking up her bag and heading for the door. “See you soon!”

Maca stood there for quite some time after the door swung shut, looking off into the distance with a smile.

~~~

A couple of weeks later, and Cinna was back to the special place she worked in-between jobs, baking on the opposite side of town from Scrollon. She’d chosen this spot for her personal bakery on purpose, because even though she made plenty of bread and savory sandwiches in addition to the ever-classic pastries, she did not want to get on his bad side. His behavior was so sweet it set her on edge, like honey so warm and sticky it could trap and drown anything that dared try to eat it.

While her business was definitely a bit slower because of him, the upside was that she had a great lunch crowd and a much politer set of patrons. As a matter of fact, her area was so nice that she could often close for just half an hour after the lunch rush, enough time to snatch up something and eat it herself.

Today, though, she was taking her weekly risk and not eating something out of her own stock. That was the explanation for why she was currently sprinting downtown, racing for one shop in particular—a coffee place called Love Latte, one of the best in the city.

Thankfully, the store operated on a very similar schedule to hers (this was, of course, because the owner had heard her talking about it and opted to give it a go), so she was able to burst in just as the staff were about to lock up.

“Uh-um, excuse me, we’re closing for lunch right now—!” Caphion (an orange Addison and the shop’s barista) yelped, fumbling their keys as Cinna skidded to a stop.

“Fifi, don’t worry. She’s a special guest.”

Maca smiled at her main employee from behind the counter, giving Cinna a wink. “You can take your break now, don’t worry. Cinna doesn’t normally order coffee…she tried it once, and that was enough.”

“For you, or for me?” the yellow Addison laughed. “I remember liking it a lot!”

“Well, I’m sure you did, but I had to replace a display case because you got ‘too excitable’ with your gesturing, do you remember that?”

Cinna grinned sheepishly. “I remember somebody telling me how lucky I was that I got off without a scratch.”

Maca sighed fondly. “All that is to say, go take your break. I’ll be with you in a second, let me just get Cinna served. Will you be wanting the usual?”

“You know me! One of the weekly special and two of your best cookies, to go, please!”

The blue Addison pulled a slice of quiche out of the case, along with one iced sugar cookie and one chocolate chip cookie. “You want the quiche and the chocolate chip warm?” she asked, smiling an incredibly genuine, non-customer service smile.

“I think I can make it back to the store in time, so yeah! It’s not a proper chocolate chip cookie if I don’t burn my mouth at least once on the melted chocolate, right?”

Maca’s expression abruptly turned deadpan. “…I’m pretty sure that’s just you.”

The two of them burst into a round of snickering, before looking up and catching each other’s eyes. Cinna blushed nervously—how did Maca manage to look even prettier while she was laughing? How was that possible when she already looked so good all the time?!

Thankfully for Cinna’s ability to form coherent thought, Maca soon turned away to put her things in the oven. The two chatted about their week while they waited, but it still felt like far too little time when the oven made a noise to indicate that the food was ready.

“I’ll…see you around, okay?” the yellow Addison said, hesitantly stepping towards the door. She didn’t like to think that she might have to go a whole week without seeing Maca again. Sure, they both had weekends of their own, but when they worked separate stores, they only shared one day off, and even then sometimes one or the other got called in to work another shift.

“W-wait!” Maca exclaimed. “I know you have to go now, but…there’s a new dance club that opened up about a block away from here. They put up some posters on our bulletin board, and they seem pretty decent. Do you—maybe want to go? Tomorrow night?”

Cinna couldn’t see herself, but if she had, she would’ve been torn between cringing and blushing at the way her expression opened up. It was just like a glow had lit up inside her, and all that energy honestly beamed out into the world nearby.

“I’d love to.”

For some reason, Maca seemed even more flustered, despite the fact that she’d just agreed. “Um, whh, great! I’ll—I’ll meet up with you, here? Unless there’s somewhere else you’d rather go, of course?”

Cinna was still beaming. “Here sounds great! I’ll see you tomorrow night!”

And if she fist-pumped once she was out of sight and practically skipped back to her own store, well, she had every right to do that if she so chose.

~~~

The next night, for once in her life, Cinna wasn’t running late. As a matter of fact, she was early to Maca’s store, now closed down and locked for the evening. She’d dressed up, too, and was now wearing olive green cargo pants with a variety of neon and black-light patches, a fitted white shirt, a black bomber jacket, and combat boots.

Thankfully, though, Cinna didn’t have to spend too long fussing over her outfit, as Maca showed up soon afterwards. She looked gorgeous, because of course she did. She always was.

Tonight, she was wearing a knee-length black dress covered in lace, with long, puffy sleeves made of the same material, showing the natural sky tone of her arms. She also wore knee-high white socks with little yellow ribbons at the cuffs, black Mary Janes, and had her hair pulled back into a half ponytail with a black ribbon tied in a bow.

She looked Cinna over from head to toe slowly. “Wow…I just realized I’ve never seen you out of formal clothes before. I didn’t know you liked the rugged look…”

The yellow Addison blushed bright red. “It makes me feel cool! Besides, my friend Vid convinced me to get this jacket ages ago and I’ve never had a reason to wear it before.”

Maca smiled. “Well, it looks great on you—wait. Wait. Cinnemon R. Addison, are you wearing the same colors as your uniform to the club?”

Cinna froze. “Wait, am I?!” She checked herself over. Black jacket, green pants… “It looks different enough!” she protested. “I didn’t even realize!”

“I’m sure nobody will care.” Maca shook her head in disbelief, but she still looked cheerful. “Let’s go, alright?”

“After you!” Cinna chirped, winking and gesturing ahead with a flourish.

Oddly, Maca turned dark blue and simply stood there for a moment, before blinking rapidly and pivoting to face the other direction. “Yes! Right! We’re walking! This way.”

Cinna didn’t wonder what that was all about for long, instead opting to chat with her friend about their various customers and work stories from the week. It didn’t take them much time at all to reach the club—it really was just a block away.

Maca nodded at the person watching the door. “I’m the owner of Love Latte, the place where a few of your flyers went up? I was told something about entry for two?”

The guard’s face brightened with recognition. “Oh yeah! Thanks for giving us the space, it’s so hard to find a place to advertise these days.”

“Oh, believe me, Cinna knows all about that,” Maca said, gesturing towards her companion. “You spent literal months fighting Scroll’s contacts just to get the right to advertise in your own area of town, yeah?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me! Wasn’t this supposed to be a fun outing?” Cinna groaned dramatically, playing it up a little for laughs.

It worked, too, because the security guard chuckled. “I feel that. Have fun, you two.” And with that, they unclipped the rope blocking entry and ushered both of them inside.

Once they were through the doors, Cinna couldn’t help but stare in awe. There was a large dance floor in the back of the room, with a DJ presiding over their equipment and pumping out music. To her left was a bar—while she didn’t like to drink much herself, she understood the necessity of selling what people wanted to buy. Over to the right was an area where various glowsticks and light-up items were being sold (wait, were the first two glowsticks free?!). And decorating the walls and ceiling were LED strips that pulsed to the music alongside static neon signs, giving the place an eclectic mashup of designs that somehow fit just right.

Cinna beamed. “Hey Maca, come on, let’s get some gear and go dance!”

Maca didn’t say anything, just looked up with a smile on her face and put her hand in Cinna’s. The yellow Addison felt her heart fizz with excitement, and laughed in delight as she pulled her dear friend along towards the light-up stand through the crowds.

Soon enough, the two had each grabbed a glowstick necklace and bracelet (in each other’s color, because of course they did), and were making their way onto the dance floor. Maca was a little more reserved, simply stepping lightly to the beat and only throwing in the occasional twirl. Cinna, in spite of her normal clumsy nature, was doing very well, pulling off the kind of dance moves that suggested both natural talent and at least a little bit of practice.

The music was a tiny bit fast for proper partner dancing, but that didn’t stop the two Addisons; whenever they felt like it, they would simply grab each other’s hands and do everything from bouncing in place to full-on partnered spins.

Occasionally, a line dance would come on, and if they knew the dance, they’d both join in. (Cinna would join even if she didn’t know the dance, certain she could pick it up quickly—Maca, however, elected not to learn on the fly, instead watching from the sidelines.)

Unfortunately, however, there was a simple fact about any outing with Maca, and it was that the blue Addison didn’t have anywhere near the same amount of energy that Cinna did. She worked so hard to keep up, and Cinna was eternally grateful—even a little amazed—at the effort that Maca put in for her…but there was only so much that anybody could do before they were well and truly exhausted. After nearly two hours nonstop on their feet, her friend was beginning to show all the usual signs: she was growing quiet, staring off into the middle distance more and more, and struggling to work up the energy to get back out onto the dance floor.

Strangely enough, however, Maca seemed oddly reluctant to go when Cinna brought it up. It was doubly weird given that she was usually the one to make the most sensible suggestions, but once Cinna pointed out that she was struggling to even think of a proper argument for why they should stay, Maca reluctantly allowed herself to be steered out the door.

“I just…” She sighed. “I just wanted to hang out more…we hardly ever get time together outside of work.” Maca looked genuinely distraught saying this—she must have been more tired than Cinna realized if she was getting that emotional.

Cinna bit her lip lightly in thought (and didn’t notice the way Maca immediately looked over at her). “How about I walk you home? That way we get to spend a little more time together.”

“That sounds nice…” Maca agreed, smiling shyly and looking away.

Cinna took her hand, figuring that’d be best so she’d know if Maca was about to fall asleep on her feet. Her friend seemed perfectly fine with this, and it wasn’t super intrusive or anything, so she thought it was fine.

The two walked back to her house, which was on the sixth floor of an apartment building relatively close to both the club and Love Latte. Maca was oddly silent the entire time, with a pensive look on her face, but Cinna just chalked it up to her being worn out. She even went so far as to take Maca all the way up the elevator to her own front door, since she hadn’t brought her all this way just to have her fall asleep in the lobby.

But as she turned to head off, she felt a tug on her hand—Maca hadn’t let go.

“It’s really dark out by now…you sure it’s safe for you to be going back by yourself?” she asked, looking up at Cinna with wide, worried eyes.

“I mean, I can handle myself!” the yellow Addison replied. “Besides, where else would I go?”

Maca gave her a surprisingly disapproving look—maybe the walk had woken her up a little? “Cinna. You are standing directly in front of my apartment. Under what possible circumstances would I ever not invite you in?”

“…oh.”

“Yeah, oh. Now come on in, I have a backup toothbrush and you can borrow some of my clothes or something.” Maca insisted. “…unless you really don’t want to?”

“N-no, I definitely do! I just didn’t want to, y’know, make things awkward or whatever.” Cinna stammered, already stepping through the doorway.

Maca seemed determined. “It’s not awkward unless we say it is, right?”

“That’s a really cool thing to say,” Cinna commented, barely realizing what the words were until she’d already spoken them.

Both Addisons blushed slightly.

“I can take the couch,” Maca said. “Since you went out of your way for me and all.”

Cinna smiled sheepishly. “No, I’ll take it! I’m the one imposing on your house!”

Maca folded her arms. “You’re not imposing, I invited you!”

“Well, we can’t both sleep on the couch…”

The blue Addison thought for a moment, and then seemed to jolt as she thought of something. “I mean,” she began, her voice sounding strangely tight, “this apartment came with a queen-size bed. Theoretically…there’s room. For both of us. On the bed.”

Cinna blushed harder than she had all night.

“Wouldn’t that be awk—”

Maca’s expression was flatter than a crepe.

“Right.” Cinna giggled. “Sorry!”

“You’re worrying too much about inconveniencing other people!” Maca insisted, but she was smiling. “I know you do that for your job, but you’re not on your job right now, are you?”

“Yeah, it’s just hard to turn that part of me off, you know?”

Maca sighed. “Yeah, I get that. I’ll keep reminding you if I have to, though!” She grinned at Cinna, who beamed right back—and then yawned rather loudly.

“…I should probably get to bed.” the yellow Addison admitted.

“Yeah, me too.” Maca agreed. The two went to get ready for sleep (with a bit of delay while Maca helped Cinna find the spare toothbrush), and soon enough, they were on opposite sides of the bed, curled up under the covers.

“Thanks for inviting me out…I had a lot of fun.” Cinna said, into the darkness.

“Thank you for coming. It was way better with you there,” Maca whispered.

(They fell asleep easily after that.

And yes, they absolutely did wake up in each other’s arms the next morning. Lots of flustered explanations ensued.)

~~~

Cinna paced back and forth nervously inside her house. Ever since the night she’d spent over at Maca’s place, her feelings had begun to shift (only a little, of course!) from “I have a mild crush on an obviously pretty girl” to “oh I actually might be in love with her”.

And what was she supposed to do about that?!

She really wanted to just take some time to sit with this feeling—for once, she was actually fighting her eager nature. Cinna wasn’t about to rush into anything, especially since she would feel downright awful if she accidentally hurt Maca in any way by being too overzealous.

She needed to make sure she didn’t lose the best friendship she’d ever had just because she wanted to kiss Maca’s beautiful face now on top of everything else.

Of course, the blue Addison in question wasn’t helping at all, given that she was continuing to be her charming self and inadvertently flustering Cinna at every turn. As a perfect example, Cinna was invited to a picnic with Maca today, and they each had agreed to bring half the food.

Cinna had nearly cut her miniature sandwiches into heart shapes just on the basis of cuteness, before realizing how obvious that was and opting against it. She had, however, allowed herself to indulge in bringing blueberry muffins…just as a little homage to her dearest friend-slash-love interest.

“But what do I wear?!” she exclaimed, before clapping a hand over her mouth and hoping that none of her neighbors had heard her outburst.

She couldn’t wear a white button-down to a picnic, it’d get ruined in two seconds flat. The yellow Addison had really wanted to wear her nice jeans today, though (yes, they were blue and ripped with white lace patches, and yes, she knew where she’d gotten the color scheme from).

After nearly a minute more of frantic rummaging through her closet, Cinna settled on a soft pale green flannel with darker green criss-cross, and sighed nervously as she straightened her shirt. “Alright, Cinna, you got this,” she muttered to herself. “Just be normal.”

Once she arrived at the park, she immediately did not feel normal.

Maca had already set up a checkered blanket—what kind of adorable thing was that—and she had an entire cooler full of goodies set out on it. The lady herself was wearing a soft silvery dress with a full skirt, plus a quarter-buttoned bodice and a Peter Pan collar.

Cinna felt vaguely as though she should have brought her things in a wicker basket instead of Tupperware, and because she had absolutely zero filter, she immediately proceeded to say this directly to Maca’s face.

Maca blinked, and then blushed—albeit this time with a distinctly embarrassed look on her face. “Sorry, is it too much? I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable…” she murmured, gripping the blanket tightly.

“No! No, it’s perfect, that’s what I was trying to say!” Cinna yelped. “It just—it all looks so nice, I don’t know if I’m doing enough!” she explained hurriedly. Anything to keep Maca from looking that particular flavor of devastated ever again.

The blue Addison smiled gently up at her. “You being here is already enough.” She reached up, taking Cinna by the arm and gently guiding her down to take a seat.

Now it was her turn to redden at Maca’s kind words. “Um, I brought sandwiches.” she managed to say, setting the case down on the blanket. “And blueberry muffins. ‘Cause, you know, you’re blue, and I thought it might be a nice thing to do…I’m gonna shut up now.”

Maca stared at the muffins for a long moment. “…you made a themed food for me.”

“Uh. Yeah. You don’t have to eat them if you don’t want—”

“I do want!” Maca interrupted. “I mean, I want to eat them. Sorry, I just thought it was funny, because I made something for you too.” She reached into the cooler and pulled out a beautifully iced lemon cake. “It’s lemon. For the color theming.”

Cinna beamed. “I’m going to need multiple slices of that.”

(Neither of them noticed a hint of pink behind one of the trees in the park. Nor did they hear the shutter of a muted camera. Their time together, and their lives, remained peaceful…

…for now.)

~~~

Honestly, Cinna kind of knew that things weren’t going to last as they were. As much as she’d wanted to try and stay platonic friends for a little while longer, there was one major thing standing in the way of that.

Herself.

She kept almost slipping up, wanting to tell Maca just how wonderful she really was. Already, she’d called her crush “gorgeous” in a voice that was decidedly not giving off enough “just-gal-pals” energy to hide her true thoughts. And if she was being honest, she didn’t feel right keeping this a secret. At first, she’d thought it would be okay, that she was doing the right thing for both of them by taking some time and making sure she was serious about this.

But as time had gone on, it started to feel less like caution and more like an excuse. Cinna loved Maca, and that meant she trusted her. But if she couldn’t trust Maca with this…then would they ever even have a chance?

She did have to admit, though, it was a lot easier to consider confessing in her own home than it was here. Here, of course, being under a blanket with Maca less than an inch away, watching as the credits rolled after a fun action movie and a sampling session of various local takeout options.

Cinna swallowed thickly. Maybe she shouldn’t have had quite so many dumplings…even though they had tasted great…

“So, what did you think?” Maca asked, turning to her and smiling.

“Uh, about the movie or the food?” Cinna chuckled weakly, trying her best to meet Maca’s brightness with at least a little of her own.

“Both, I guess.” She shrugged, seeming genuinely curious. She had always listened happily when Cinna talked, even when the yellow Addison got overexcited.

She was…everything Cinna could have dreamed of and more.

Cinna had to take her chance. No more waiting.

“I liked them both.” she began. “But the part I liked best was being with you. That’s always my favorite part.”

Maca turned such a deep navy she could see it even in the light of the television.

“Aww, Cinna!”

“No, I—I mean it, I love spending time with you so much. I hate it when I have to say no to doing anything together, because—because I’m happier than I’ve ever been when you’re with me.

“Honestly…I’d spend the rest of my life with you, if I could.”

Maca, who had slowly begun hiding behind her hair as Cinna continued, suddenly froze. She peered back out from behind her makeshift curtain. “Cinna? Why does this sound like…”

The yellow Addison grinned shakily. “Like a confession? Maybe even a…a love confession?”

“Well, is it a love confession?” Maca rose to the challenge, meeting Cinna where she was at just like she always did, with a wry smile of her own.

“It…it is. I love you, Maca. I have for a while now.”

She practically squealed, throwing herself into Cinna’s arms. “I love you too! How could I not?”

“Wait, really?!” Her face turned orange-red at such a bold statement.

“You’re fun, and funny, and cute, and nice…it was practically inevitable!”

Cinna squeezed Maca a little tighter, making her squeak slightly before giggling. “Speak for yourself! I don’t know how you stay so cool all the time, let alone how you manage to keep your oven at the right temperature when you’re like that.”

Suddenly, Maca froze, before pulling back slightly. “Did…you just make a pun while complimenting me?”

“Was that not okay?” Cinna shifted nervously. “Sorry, I’m not exactly the smoothest under pressure, in case you hadn’t noticed…”

“You are so cute, please be my girlfriend.”

“What.”

“I’ve been waiting to say that for ages,” Maca explained. “Was it too fast?”

“No, but—hang on, how long is ‘ages’, exactly?” Cinna asked.

“Well, I’m pretty sure it’s since the time we closed up our first joint shop.” Maca shrugged nonchalantly, as if she confessed to loving someone for the better part of a year every day.

“That long?!” Her eyes nearly bugged out. “I’ve only known for a month or so!”

“Does that mean you’ve liked me for longer and didn’t know?” Maca joked.

“…yeah, probably.”

The blue Addison stared at her for a long moment. “How do you not know when you have a crush on someone?”

Cinna blushed an even deeper red. “Because…you’re my first. Crush, that is.”

“Cinna, that is the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.” Maca stared at her seriously, taking both of her hands in her own.

“Really? Then whoever you liked before clearly didn’t see just how lucky they were.” she said, meaning every word.

Maca blinked once, twice, then spoke. “Cinna, I need you to tell me right now if you’re okay with me kissing you or not, because I really, really want to.”

Cinna beamed.

Seconds later, Maca’s lips were pressed against hers.

The blue Addison was perhaps slightly overenthusiastic, but Cinna didn’t mind in the slightest. If anything, she felt that it didn’t last nearly long enough. Thankfully, Maca seemed to agree, and soon enough, the two settled into a series of light, gentle butterfly kisses, harmonizing together just as well as they ever had while baking in the kitchen—and creating something just as sweet.

They eventually had to pull apart, however, when the reality of the situation hit Cinna. Abruptly, she began to giggle, before nearly squealing as she squeezed Maca tightly in her arms.

“Cinna, are you alright?!”

She beamed up at her girlfriend (wow). “I’m just so happy!”

Maca’s eyes widened, and she smiled in a way that showed she was just as overwhelmed with emotion. “So am I.”

~~~

The very next morning, Cinna found a meeting with Ramon on her calendar.

She hadn’t particularly wanted to go, but you just didn’t say no to a Pink. Especially not when they wanted you specifically.

When she met him—on a random street corner, of all the places, he really was secretive—he looked serious. And Ram never looked serious.

“Listen, you know how I am,” he said, not even bothering to greet her or say her name. “You know who I am. I deal in information, right? So if anything happens to that information…like, say, someone in my neighborhood gives it to someone outside, that’s not good for me, yeah?”

“Um. Yeah.” Cinna agreed. All of her instincts were telling her to leave right now, but she knew that if she did that, she’d be in even more trouble.

“So then. What, exactly, have you been talking with that little blue eye candy of yours about?”

Cinna felt her insides freeze. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You know who I mean. The girl who works in Curs’s area and bakes a lot. What kind of secrets have you been leaking to her?” Ramon frowned at her. “You should know by now that I can’t afford to lose out to him. Joy already has the top spot and Scroll and Click keep to themselves, so it’s him I have to watch out for. Did you seriously think I wouldn’t notice that you two have been getting all cutesy lately?”

“I—I haven’t told her anything serious! We don’t talk about work aside from baking together at all!” Cinna gasped.

Ram folded his arms, clearly not believing a word she said. “Sure. Even if you were telling the truth, I’m sure you’ll understand when I tell you it needs to stay that way. So, I pulled some strings—and of course this is the one damn thing Curs agrees with me on, ‘cause apparently he pulled some too—to make sure you and your gal pal are gonna work separately from now on, okay? And if you decide to meet her off hours…well, I know a thing or two about the guy you’re leasing your building from.”

Cinna couldn’t help but ask. “Which one?”

Ramon smiled then, and even though he wasn’t a Yellow, didn’t have fangs, his teeth somehow seemed even more vicious than hers. “Both.”

Cinna stumbled home not long after that, shaking. She collapsed onto her couch, and checked her phone instinctively to see if Maca had said anything…and as it turned out, there was one message from her.

Ugh, Curson wants to see me about something too. Hopefully it’ll just be him whining again and I can get out fast.

The message had been sent an hour ago.

Cinna almost cried. Almost. But as she began to think back over the conversation, as she felt the tightness building in her throat, she remembered one specific theme amongst all that Ramon had said.

“Little blue eye candy…”

“The girl…”

“Your gal pal…”

He hadn’t even had the dignity to say her name. He was so scared of something that hadn’t even happened yet that he’d turned Maca—clever, steadfast, wonderful Maca—into a thing. Some pawn he thought he could control.

Cinna swallowed the heat in her throat, and let it boil down into her stomach. She bent over backwards to please customers on the clock. She did everything she could to be kind, and cheerful, and forgiving. She gave so much and only asked for people to treat her decently in return.

But the moment she finally did something for herself, found someone who gave as much as she took, she was reprimanded? Was this the reward for selflessness in Ramon’s area?

Well then, just this once…Cinnemon R. Addison would be selfish.

~~~

That evening, a yellow figure climbed the fire escape outside one of the apartments in Curson’s area. She stood outside one specific window for a long moment, hesitating.

(Inside, Maca was crying. She’d tried for so long to believe that she could have something beautiful with Cinna, had finally seen that becoming reality, and then had all her bright hopes sliced by a pair of brutally sharp scissors.)

Cinna knocked on the outside of Maca’s window.

From the inside, Maca stared out at Cinna.

Seconds later, the window was open. “What are you doing here?” the blue Addison breathed, fresh tears welling up. “Didn’t you hear—we’ll both be ruined if we’re seen together again!”

Cinna sighed. “I know. And I understand if you don’t want to see me anymore. But I…I still want to be with you. I don’t care what Ramon or Curson or anybody else thinks! They don’t deserve to decide what we do!”

“It doesn’t matter what they deserve, it matters that they can,” Maca insisted. “I can’t just let your life get ruined for my sake!”

“Hey, it’d be my sake too.” Cinna shrugged. “And I say let them. They can take my house, my business, my reputation—but they aren’t everywhere.” Her hands curled into fists, determined. “I can always go to another city, and you could come with, or we could try and do long-distance. I’d come back on weekends to see you, I’ll take the fall, because they don’t get to choose what I do with my life when I’m not working. And I want to be with you forever, like I said. But if you don’t want that…I’ll go.”

“Don’t go!”

Maca seemed almost as surprised as anyone by the words as they left her mouth.

“I love you, Cinna, so much. But I don’t—I don’t want to provoke them unless I have to. I don’t want to find out the limits of what they can do to us.”

“So then we find somewhere safe and make sure we’re not seen. We’ll have to be more careful, for sure, but we just got together, and there’s no way I’m giving up on us now.”

“Where can we even go where they can’t find us?” Maca asked. She still looked distraught, but at least now there was something like life in her eyes.

Cinna smiled the same bright, giddy smile she’d had the night before. “I spent some time looking, and I think I’ve found a place.”

Maca hesitated, then nodded, determined. “I’ll come with you. But first—” she added, glancing at Cinna’s outfit (which happened to be the same one she’d worn to the club that fateful night)— “let me get changed.”

Ten minutes later, the two were climbing the fire escape, Maca now dressed in the same dress and accessories from the club as well. Together, they moved across the rooftops of Cyber City, Maca using her advertisements as stepping stones and Cinna helping them both avoid the cameras located around the buildings.

(At one point, they’d needed to walk along the narrow ledge of a building. At first, they were both hesitant, but then one of them took the other’s hand—neither was sure who’d reached first—and they moved together.

They could do so much together that they never could alone.)

Eventually, they made it to the top of a nondescript cement building somewhere in Clickon’s territory. He was still…intense…to say the least, but he had slightly fewer reports of physical violence than some of the other Pinks. Besides, he notoriously disliked everyone else, so Cinna had thought this would be a moderately safe bet, if nothing else because he’d be likely to spite Ram and Curs by not telling them.

“So, why here?” Maca asked.

Cinna beamed. “Look up.”

Neon light filled the air.

Signs of every shape, size, and color were glowing from the buildings around them, lighting up the sky in a rainbow of hues that softened the acid-green grid. It reflected in both their eyes, casting them in a thousand colors at once and glowing on their faces. Almost without realizing it, Maca tucked herself under Cinna’s arm, resting her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“I just figure…if the world can be this big and beautiful even with people like those two in it…” Cinna said, “there’s gotta be room for us somewhere, right?”

Maca looked up at her, and the yellow Addison was overjoyed to see the bravery finally returning to her eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered, moving in closer. “I needed this.”

Cinna held her even tighter, practically melting against her. “You’ve been telling me to stick up for myself for ages. I just finally took your advice.”

“You’re incredibl…y silly.” Maca giggled, turning and leaning forward to rest her forehead against Cinna’s.

“In a good way, right?”

“Of course it’s in a good way, I love you.” she said.

Cinna beamed unrepentantly. “So…does that mean I get to kiss you again?”

It did.

#deltarune #deltarune addisons #yellow addison #blue addison #cinnemon r. addison #macaron addison #everybody please go look at bush's blog now if you can #give her a like and a reblog and a follow because she deserves it!! her art is so good!!!!#and thank you to everyone who reads this i appreciate it very much #i hope you all have a good day/night wherever you are #and don't forget to grab some water and hydrate :)#treat yourselves kindly!

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