#thank you for this journey... love you all <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[ghostlyferrettarot]

💕Pick a Picture: ༘⋆♡⸝⸝💌⊹。°˖➴Channeled letter from your Soulmate ༘⋆♡⸝⸝💌⊹。°˖➴

₊˚ʚ ₊💌˚✧ ﾟ🤍 𝓗𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂 𝓥𝓪𝓵𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓼 𝓓𝓪𝔂₊˚ʚ ₊💌˚✧ ﾟ🤍

❗️This is a collective reading, take what resonates and leave the rest❗️

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🛸Masterlist🛸

ʚ🩷ɞ Pile 1:

"Hello, my love:

We haven't met yet in the time we know, but I feel your energy close by. Sometimes, in the quietest moments, I close my eyes and I can imagine what it will be like the first moment I see you, how everything will seem to align, as if everything has led to this very moment.

I want you to know something: I am already here, thinking of you, even though I can't show you yet. You may not see it, but I feel a little closer every day. And in this space, I want you to trust that everything you have lived, everything you have experienced, is leading me right to you. Your strength, your vulnerability, your moments of light and shadow... are building me a clear image of how wonderful you are.

So don't worry about when or how, because love comes when it has to. I promise it won't be rushed, or forced. You don't need to be perfect for me; none of that really matters. All I want is for you to be yourself, as authentic as you are, because that's the person I want to share my life with.

With all my love that I haven't given you yet ;),

Your future lover"

💘 Channeled song from your person:

ʚ🩷ɞ Pile 2:

"Hello, my love:

Maybe this message comes at a time when you feel like everything is on pause, or that things are not going their course. And I want to tell you, from the bottom of my heart, that everything is happening exactly as it has to be. There is nothing that is out of place. We are at different points, but somewhere in this space that we share, we are already connected.

I want you to know that I am waiting for you, although not in the sense of waiting as something passive. No. I am waiting for you with everything that I am, with everything that I am learning, with everything that I already am and everything that I continue to discover. Because I need you just as you are, not for what you can do, or for what you can "give" me, but for what we are together when we meet.

Although sometimes you may feel alone or lost, you are preparing yourself for what is to come. Don't doubt yourself or what the future holds, I want you to trust that this whole path has been a part of my journey to you. You dont need to worry about what's still unclear. I promise that when the time comes, it will all make sense, believe me.

I send you all my love,

Your love"

💘 Channeled song from your person:

ʚ🩷ɞ Pile 3:

"Hello, my dear,

Today I woke up feeling so warm and close to you, like we already knew each other, like our souls already recognized each other, even though we haven't physically crossed paths yet. I'm here, even though you can't see me, and I'm sending you all my love and thoughts.

I want you to know that, even though this journey towards you is taking longer than you imagine, every day that passes brings me closer to you. You don't have to do anything else, just be you, and that's what attracts me the most. I promise you that everything is happening in its perfect time. When we get to meet, everything will make sense, and everything you've lived so far will be the solid foundation for what we're going to build together.

Don't feel pressured, Don't worry if it seems like things aren't going as fast as you'd like. I'm going through my own process too, and on this journey, we're learning to be better versions of ourselves so we can give each other the most genuine love.

I want you to always remember that you are enough just the way you are. You dont need to change who you are, how you think, what you like; the ones that get it, are the ones that matter, and in the end, you have me ;). Please keep moving and keep being you, you deserve the world and your ideas need to be heard. Your voice MATTER! so keep going my love.

With all my love,

Your partner in a crime"

💘 Channeled song from your person:

🩷⋆˚✿˖°ᡣ𐭩🩷Thanks for reading, tell me if it resonated and Happy Valentines day🩷⋆˚✿˖°ᡣ𐭩🩷

[mugenmcfugen]

If you only had clue how much your words echoed in me at that moment, you'd be surprised. I was halfway trough my therapy journey and was just about coming to realization what it's all about. I was hung up and stuck on my need to present myself as perfect as I can and to go back to what I was, but that's impossible. That was moment that I realized I love everything about myself just as it is and actively started working on shedding my need to be perfect. I still have tendency to return to that operating mode, but it's less and less with each day. And urge to illustrate your words at that moment was antithetical to everything I was at that point and in a way, that move is me starting to ''glue'' back myself piece by piece.

And for that, I thank you with all my being. <3

The hardest pill for me to swallow has been that no one will come to save me. No one. Despite the trauma and pain I've been subjected to, despite how unfair life has been, no one will come to save me. No one. It's completely up to me to pick up the pieces and make something I love out of them. Completely up to me to pick myself up and make something out of myself. There will be no best friend and no pretty boy and no parent or family that can save me, that's my responsibility. I'm my responsibility.

[imaginespazzi]

I Get You Forever

Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you

(In which this current writer would like to thank her past self for having written this months ago so she can still give her beloved readers something tonight)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Fluff

Words: 2.4K (I guess you could call it a drabble)

A/N: Happy Valentine's my lovelies <3 So the plan really was to write an actual Valentine's day fic but well life got in the way and time is not my friend. However, y'all still deserve a little Valentine's treat and so I figured I'd let this out of the vault even though it's not my favorite and it wasn't initially ever intended to leave my drafts. This can also technically be read as a part of eternity-verse if y'all would like. I hope y'all have had a wonderful love day!

Paige’s world changes on a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon, on a riverside court with all her favorite people in attendance. But really, nothing changes at all. Because at the end of the day, she’s still Paige Bueckers, basketball is still her life and she’s still hopelessly and utterly in love with Azzi Fudd. 

If there weren’t cameras videoing every second of it- Paige would lie and say that she hasn’t shed a single tear today. But her eyes have been watery from the minute she’d stepped into the wedding venue, fidgeting with the sleeves of her all white suit. It’s been years in the making, the Paige and Azzi story, even if the soon-to-be wife title still feels a little too mundane for their relationship. Because Azzi has always been more than a best friend or girlfriend or fiancé; she’s Paige’s everything. 

They’d decided to both walk down the aisle at the same time, meeting at the altar set up in the middle of the basketball court. In true Paige and Azzi fashion, the journey down the aisle is decorated with arrangements of pink lilies and purple hydrangeas, contrasted against the otherwise white and blue decór -an ode to UConn- of the rest of the wedding venue. The altar arch itself is canvassed with photos of them, milestones of every second they’d spent learning and loving each other. 

It had taken a fair amount of begging to get Geno Auriemma to say yes to marrying them. Well no, that’s not quite right. Paige had begged for ten minutes and then given the phone to Azzi who had immediately gotten their former coach to agree. Nobody could accuse the old man -who’s now standing right in front of the altar, a scroll in his hands- of not playing favorites. 

The tears from the rest of the day are nothing compared to when the music starts up and Paige finally sees Azzi on the other side of the court. The girl dressed in a simple white off the shoulder dress had been the prettiest girl Paige had ever seen at fifteen, and is still the most gorgeous woman in the world now. She smiles and Paige swears the sun would be jealous of the way Azzi lights up a room. And suddenly all the nerves are gone, everybody else disappears and it’s just Paige and her future. She’s been through a lot in her life, the epic highs, the tragic lows, the boring in between, and through all of it, there’s always been Azzi’s hand firmly grasped in her own, rubbing light patterns against her skin and promising everything gonna be just alright P. And it was. It always would be. As long as Paige gets to hold Azzi’s hand forever. 

It’s a miracle that Paige doesn’t trip on her way down the aisle with the way her eyesight is completely blurry from tears cascading down her face. Thank god for waterproof makeup. Azzi fares just a little bit better, tears brimming but not falling as she continues to smile at Paige, that smile that’s just for her. They��re a little overeager to hold hands by the time they finally meet in the middle and the entire crowd, filled with people who know their ways -know how desperate they are to always be with each other- just a little t00 well and have probably rolled their eyes at their antiques one too many times, laughs. 

“You-holy shit-,” Paige manages to bumble out, “you look really fucking beautiful.”

Azzi laughs, lightly squeezing Paige’s hands, “you don’t look too bad yourself Bueckers.”

“I look fantastic,” Paige scoffs, familiar arrogance intact as always. 

“You look gorgeous,” Azzi corrects and it’s enough to make Paige’s natural blush override the artificial pink that had been put on there by her makeup artist. 

They grin goofily at each other and Paige is just about to lean in for a kiss, forgetting her whereabouts when Coach coughs loudly. 

“You wouldn’t know it from the way these fools are behaving,” he begins and another round of laughter rings out through the crowd, “but we’re here today to marry these two idiots.”

“You’re only talking about Paige right Coach?”

“HEY.”

“Well you’re the one marrying her so you’ve got to be a bit of an idiot too,” Coach says pointedly, “now shut up and let me marry you.”

“Yes sir,” both Paige and Azzi say, sharing a commiserating grin between the two of them. 

“For those of you who don’t know me a) you should and b) my name’s Geno Auriemma and I am the poor Coach who had the misfortune of watching these two fuck up play after play. That is, when they weren’t being idiots on the bench because that’s where they spent half their UConn careers- oh we can laugh about that now,” he says with a smirk when the crowd chuckles, “but it was like the world was ending back then. But somehow these two still managed to keep a smile on their faces. And a part of that is a credit to their own characters, but a lot of it is because they had each other.”

Paige uses her thumb to write I love you against the back of Azzi’s hand as the other girl finally lets a tear fall from her eyes. 

“You know when Paige first told me she was gonna help recruit Azzi, I thought ‘like hell she is’. Except I forgot that if there’s one person more stubborn and persistent than me in this world, it’s probably Paige. And as I watched her recruit Azzi, I knew it was a done deal. And no, I’m not talking about Azzi’s commitment. I knew they were a done deal and I knew that this moment was not a if but a when. And I can’t lie, it took these dumbasses some time, way too much time if we’re being honest but-” the entire crowd nods in agreement as Paige and Azzi let out identically watery laughs, “they figured it out. When it comes to each other, they always figure it out.”

And then Coach’s face morphs into something serious, the amused smile on his face turning into a more sincere one, “I have watched a lot of wonderful things happen at UConn. I have watched my players chase perfection on and off the court and I’ve always said that the thing about perfection is that it’s unattainable. Well unless you’re UConn, then a perfect season is pretty easy. That’s one exception. And the other exception,” he smiles at his former star players, “is Paige and Azzi. I have never met two people more perfect for each other and I am so incredibly honored to be the one to marry them today.”

“Damn Coach,” Paige teases, still sniffling, “you getting soft on us?”

“Shut up and say your damn vows Bueckers,” Coach snaps but there’s no denying the proud smile on his face or the slight tremble in his voice. 

Paige smiles nervously, anchored only by the way Azzi’s tracing a pattern on her palms. She’d written and deleted and then re-written them multiple times; no word, no sentence seemed to convey just how much she loved the woman in front of us. 

“Everybody knows that I don’t really shut up,” she begins, eliciting giggles from her enamored audience, “but today I really am at a loss for words. And that’s okay. Because Azzi, you’ve always known how to listen for the words I’ve never been able to say out loud- ah shit-” she curses as the avalanche of tears hits immediately, “excuse me- the first thing I noticed about Azzi was how perfect her three pointer was. And then I quickly realized that actually, there wasn’t a thing about Azzi that wasn’t perfect. Well except for her cooking but that’s okay baby, thankfully we can afford a chef,” that earns her a little nudge in the stomach- “y’all see how she bullies me?-” and another, “okay okay aight I’m sorry.”

Paige sucks in a deep breath before she starts to speak again. 

“Before I met you Az, I used to feel so fucking heavy all the time. And I didn’t even realize that not feeling that way was a possibility until our trip home from Argentina. I didn’t know that I could feel all light and floaty inside, I didn’t know that I could feel free,” Paige chokes up at the last word, “baby you have taught me so many things, but more than anything you’ve taught me the meaning of the word unconditional. You’ve taught me how to love unconditionally and you’ve taught me how to be loved unconditionally. I don’t know if there’s a word invented yet for just how secure you make me feel but I wake up every damn day knowing without a doubt that however my day goes, it’ll always be you and me at the end,” Paige takes in another shaky breath, “I am a lot of things. A basketball player, a teammate, a daughter, a sister, a friend, the ultimate rizzler,” she winks at the crowd before looking at the love of her life, “but more than anything, baby I am yours. Your best friend, your soulmate, your ride or die and soon I’ll be your wife. All yours. Only yours. I have been since the moment I met you and if you’ll deal with me for that long, then till the day I die. I’m yours Azzi. And every day, I’m glad that you choose to be mine.”

The crowd is clapping and from her peripheral vision, Paige can tell that both sets of parents are in tears. Hell, there’s barely a dry eye in the audience. But all Paige really cares about is the woman in front of her, the woman who still looks at her like she wants to memorize every little bit of her, the woman who’s mouthing i love you through her tears and Paige knows she means it, knows beyond a doubt that she’ll always mean it. 

“Did I do good?” the blonde can’t help but smirk. 

Azzi laughs waterily, “fuck off Bueckers, you know you did good.”

“You gonna beat me?”

Azzi doesn’t answer, shaking her head fondly as their family and fans begin to calm down in anticipation of the other bride’s speech. 

“When I first met Paige,” Azzi begins, a smirk playing on her lips, “my first thought was that there’s no way this white girl’s gonna be any good at playing basketball. I quickly realized I was wrong. When I first kissed Paige, I thought, there’s no way this white girl’s gonna be my forever-”

“Hey-”

“As y’all can tell, I was wrong that time too. It’s a good thing that I’m not the one making these decisions about love and life. First of all because I can’t make a decision for shit as we all know. And second of all because I think God knew. He knew there was never gonna be anyone who could protect me harder, hold me tighter or love me any more than you do,” Azzi’s voice cracks, and Paige instinctively reaches out to wipe away her tears, “unlike Paige. I don’t really like to talk that much,” the audience laughs, “but I like to talk to Paige. My favorite part of my day is when I get to talk to her. Not because I’m dying to say something but because I like the way she looks at me when I talk, like she’s memorizing every sentence I say, like every word out my mouth is the most important one she’ll ever hear. Baby,” she smiles at Paige, “you make me feel seen. I like to hide from the spotlight but I never, ever want to hide from you.”

Azzi pauses, letting out a breath as she tightens her grip on Paige’s hand. 

“I was a big disney kid but despite that, I was always a bit of a skeptic. I wasn't really the kind of person who believed in fairytales or magic or all of that. But you- you turned me into a believer and the thing I believe in the most is you. Paige Bueckers you are my magic, you are my fairytale and you are my happily ever after,” Azzi presses a kiss to Paige’s knuckles, “I’m not much of a talker but every damn day I thank fourteen year old me for getting over her nerves and talking to you on that plane even if she didn’t know that, that white girl was gonna change her life then,” she swallows back her tears, “because you did. And now there’s one thing in my life that will never change, and that’s you. You are my constant, my anchor. Paige Madison Bueckers you are my whole world. and you always will be.”

And Paige knows there are traditions, but that doesn’t stop her from pulling Azzi into a kiss that she hopes encapsulates everything she’s feeling. They’ve never been one for rules anyways. 

“If the two of you are done,” Coach says slyly as they break apart, “can we do the rings?”

Paige and Azzi nod as Drew brings them two silver wedding bands, each engraved on the inside with the other’s name. They giddily repeat the with this ring I thee wed statements, delicately placing the rings on each other’s fingers. 

“Do you, Paige Madison Bueckers take this-”

“I do,” Paige says hurriedly, earning her a bunch of chuckles. 

“This is why Azzi’s my favorite. She’ll let me finish,” Coach says with a sigh before turning to the brunette, “do you Azzi Jazlyn Fudd, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife.”

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

“You may now-”

They don’t wait for Coach to finish the sentences, both of them surging forward at the same time, eager to finally kiss each other as wives. And it isn’t that different from when they were best friends or girlfriends or fiancés. They’re still Paige and Azzi and they’re still completely and utterly in love with each other. From now, and until eternity.

“So who won the vows?” Paige whispers against Azzi’s lip, her wife’s lip. 

Azzi smiles, pressing their foreheads together,  “I won, because I get you forever now.”

“And I get you forever.”

[silksongeveryday]

Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 731.

Well, after two long years of posting, I’m finally taking a break.

Thank you guys for everything for the past two years. It’s genuinely been so fun making daily doodles. But all good things must come to an end eventually. I’m tired.

What are the plans moving forward?

read below the cut if you’d like to know!!

Taking a break:

Life in general has been really rough lately. Tons of family drama, personal medical issues making it impossible to function some days, and my childhood dog recently passed away a few days after Christmas last year. So it was a real challenge to “keep up appearances” if you know what I mean.

I’ve said this plenty of times in the past already, however I’ll repeat it since there’s surprisingly a lot more new people that have followed since then. I’m taking a whole month off from posting entirely. So I won’t be active on Silksongeveryday until about March 14th. Why? Hopefully it’s obvious but posting daily content for two years straight really does something to you. I’ve grown tired of this blog just a little bit, and I feel stepping away from it for a month will help me reconnect. I still love the game and its community, and I’d hate for my disinterest in a single blog to ruin that. If a month long break could fix that then so be it.

I’m also taking a somewhat indefinite break from daily doodles. I WILL still be posting doodles occasionally every once in a while after I come back from my month long break. However I won’t be doing daily doodles.

So no daily doodles ever again?

There is only one condition that has to be met for me to return to daily doodles.

A Silksong release date is announced.

Which is…let’s face it, a release date might not happen any time soon. 6 years of near radio silence from TC? I’m not expecting much, especially not in a month.

But WHEN a release date is announced I’ll definitely return to daily doodles and do a sort of daily “countdown” until Silksong is officially out.

Will doodle requests still be open?

Yes! Even if I will no longer be doing daily posts I will still occasionally post every once in a while with doodles! So if there’s a specific doodle you’d like to request and you have an extra $1 hanging around, hornet doodle requests are open on my ko-fi!!

What about the current projects that were happening on Silksongeveryday?

I’m still working on them! Just as mentioned before, a lot of stuff happened irl so it’s kind of on the back burner.

For the Hornet Journal Series: I plan to post the remaining entries after I come back from my month long break. Whether I work on them during that month long break totally depends on how I’m feeling. But there may be a likely chance I work on a few here and there on my own time! But regardless, I do plan to finish this project. So no worries!

For Hornet’s Strange adventures: I know it’s been ages since this particular project finished on the blog. Development for the free game is slow going since I’m working on this project entirely by myself with a game engine I’ve never used before. Progress is being made but it’s unfortunately slow thanks for irl conflicts. But, just like the journal series, I do plan to finish this project so I promise it won’t be abandoned!! I just need a break first lol.

___________

I think that’s all I have to say?? But if anyone has any questions, asks are always open and I’m more than happy to answer just about anything!

Thanks again for the wonderful experience, it’s been an amazing journey with you guys <3

See you all in a month!!

[babybearnation]

arthur + florist!reader = him trying to get you flowers but you know every stupid florist in monaco and he can't exactly buy flowers for you from your shop, so he has to either send another driver to get them from a different store or drive a couple hours away to find someone you don't know :3

i fucking love this idea, vinnie, you have no idea

arthur leclerc x gn!florist!reader (ft. background bearnelli & landoscar)

arthur was totally fucking stuck

valentine's day was creeping closer and closer and arthur had no idea what he was supposed to do regarding getting flowers for you

you see, you were a florist, and a very well known one at that

every single other florist in monaco knew about you whether by being your friends and routinely doing business with you

arthur knew he couldn't go to any of them - there was bound to be someone who told you what he was doing and arthur wanted it to be a total surprise

he had only a few options and he had to weigh them quite heavily before he made his decision

he could: a) get flowers from a monegasque florist but run the risk of you finding out, b) drive out of the city but avoid your questions about where he was going, c) get charles to go and get flowers and, again, risk you finding out or d) send a completely different driver to go and get flowers instead

after speaking to a bunch of drivers as well as ferrari staff and his family, arthur settles on the last idea

that's how poor old ollie & kimi ending up being sent out to every single flower shop in monaco to get flowers for arthur to give to you

it... was not a good idea because the pair of them got distracted buying flowers for each other and ultimately arrived back at the paddock with an array of flowers before realising they failed to do what arthur asked them too

arthur accepted their failures and told them it was fine, but really, he was starting to stress out hardcore

his decision weighing had taken a while and so valentine's day was tomorrow and he still didn't have any flowers for you

he was heavily considering lying to your face and embarking upon the journey out of monaco when his saving grace appeared

oscar piastri.

you see, lando had gotten oscar flowers as a total surprise and oscar.. hadn't gotten lando any because again.. surprise

on his quest to find a good florist, oscar had remembered that you were dating arthur and that you were a florist, so he asked arthur the address to your shop and told him why he needed it

arthur, knowing that you were hands down the best florist in all of monaco, decided that, actually... maybe he could buy flowers from you! it just wouldn't be him that collected them

so off oscar was sent to go and collect flowers for lando as well as flowers for you

you had forgotten all about arthur and oscar's friendship so you thought nothing of it when he came in and got the flowers, pretty sure this was just another example of arthur recommending you to a driver

until the next morning when you woke up and arthur presented the very big bouquet you'd prepared the day before as one of his gifts to you

you burst into giggles but thanked him for being so sweet and kind

you offered him a refund and he refused it, saying he'd already paid oscar and he wasn't about to rob you of your business' money

they were the sweetest flowers you'd ever had and you swore they lasted a couple days longer than they should've

© all rights to babybearnation 2025.

[disabled-dean]

Franchesca- draft 1 (for Taylor) ¹

Dante wrote the inferno. Back and back and back. 

Dante wrote the inferno and the beat poets explored 

the carnal cacophony of society's margins. 

Jack Keroack went on the road.

Neal Cassady was my animal. He brought me to my knees.²

Catholicism and Jesus Christ and Dante writing the inferno.

Jensen Ackles’ dad telling him not to use straws.

[Do you think I’d give up? That this might have shook the love from me?]³

Back and back. 

[That I was on the brink? How could you think, darling I'd scare so easily?]⁴

“What about Dean? I like Dean. He’s funny.”

Midway on our life's journey, I found myself in dark woods, the right road lost.⁵

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.⁶

I first met Dean not long after my wife and I split up.⁷

Back and back. 

“I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.”

“Yeah? Thanks for that.”

Real glass and real bees and Dante writing the inferno. 

The summer I got Covid and watched Seasons 3-5 of Supernatural in a of couple weeks

Now that it's done⁸

The heat eating away at the aching stretch of July and the sound of crickets from my parent’s back porch, staring up at the stars thinking— no summer is ever gonna be like this again⁹ There's not one thing that I would change.¹⁰

The crawl of satellites in the hush and sway of the hollow night 

My life was a storm, since I was born

How could I fear any hurricane?¹¹

Criss-crossing sections of flight paths marked by red lights blinking on and then back off again (if someone asked me at the end)

Time winding down around all of us 

Me and Dean Winchester at the edge of the world. 

I'd tell them¹²

Dante wrote the inferno

And then we met.

¹ ᶠᵒʳ ᵐʸ ᵇᵉˡᵒᵛᵉᵈ ᵐᵘᵗᵘᵃˡ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵇᵉᵗᵃ⁻ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ ᵀᵃʸˡᵒʳ ⁽@ᵇᵘᵗᶜʰ–ᵈᵉᵃⁿ⁾, ʷʰᵒ ᴵ ᵐᵉᵗ ᶦⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵘᵐᵐᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ²⁰²³ ᵃᶠᵗᵉʳ ᶠᶦⁿᵈᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉᶦʳ ᵈᵉˢᵗᶦᵉˡ ᵃᵐᵛ ᵗᵒ ᶠʳᵃⁿᶜᵉˢᶜᵃ ᵇʸ ᴴᵒᶻᶦᵉʳ. ˢᶦⁿᶜᵉ ᵗʰᵉⁿ ᵗʰᵉʸ’ᵛᵉ ʳᵉᵃᵈ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵉᵈᶦᵗᵉᵈ ⁽ᵃⁿᵈ ᶜᵒʳʳᵉᶜᵗᵉᵈ ᵃˡˡ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵖᵉˡˡᶦⁿᵍ ᵐᶦˢᵗᵃᵏᵉˢ⁾ ᶦⁿ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ᴵ’ᵛᵉ ʷʳᶦᵗᵗᵉⁿ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵇʳᵒᵘᵍʰᵗ ᵉⁿᵈˡᵉˢˢ ʲᵒʸ ᵃⁿᵈ ʷᵒⁿᵈᵉʳ ᵗᵒ ᵐʸ ˡᶦᶠᵉ. ᴵⁿ ʰᵒⁿᵒʳ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᵇᵉᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᶦʳˢᵗ ᵖᶦᵉᶜᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ʷʳᶦᵗᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉʸ ʰᵃᵛᵉⁿ’ᵗ ˢᵉᵉⁿ ᶦⁿ ᵃ ʸᵉᵃʳ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃ ʰᵃˡᶠ, ᴵ ˡᵉᶠᵗ ᶦⁿ ᵐʸ ᵉᵈᶦᵗᶦⁿᵍ ᵐᵃʳᵏˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ᵐᵒˢᵗ ᶜᵒᵐᵐᵒⁿˡʸ ᵐᶦˢˢᵖᵉˡˡᵉᵈ ʷᵒʳᵈ ᵗʰʳᵒᵘᵍʰᵒᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵒᵉᵐ ⁽ᵃᵖᵖᵃʳᵉⁿᵗˡʸ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ ᶦˢ ᵃᶜᵗᵘᵃˡˡʸ ⁿᵒ “ʰ” ᶦⁿ ᶠʳᵃⁿᶜᵉˢᶜᵃ???⁾ 

² ᴼᵖᵉⁿᶦⁿᵍ ˡᶦⁿᵉ ᵒᶠ “ᴹᵃⁿʸ ᴸᵒᵛᵉˢ” ʷʳᶦᵗᵗᵉⁿ ᵇʸ ᴬˡˡᵉⁿ ᴳᶦⁿˢᵇᵉʳᵍ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ʳᵉᵃˡ⁻ˡᶦᶠᵉ ᵍᵘʸ ᴺᵉᵃˡ ᶜᵃˢˢᵃᵈʸ, ʷʰᵒ ᶦⁿˢᵖᶦʳᵉᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ᶜʰᵃʳᵃᶜᵗᵉʳ ᴰᵉᵃⁿ ᴹᵒʳᶦᵃʳᵗʸ ᶦⁿ ᴶᵃᶜᵏ ᴷᵉʳᵒᵘᵃᶜ'ˢ ᴼⁿ ᵀʰᵉ ᴿᵒᵃᵈ

³ ᴼᵖᵉⁿᶦⁿᵍ ˡᶦⁿᵉ ᵒᶠ ᶠʳᵃⁿᶜᵉˢᶜᵃ ᵇʸ ᴴᵒᶻᶦᵉʳ, ʷʳᶦᵗᵗᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵉʳˢᵖᵉᶜᵗᶦᵛᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵗʷᵒ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᶜʰᵃʳᵃᶜᵗᵉʳˢ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᴰᵃⁿᵗᵉ’ˢ ᴵⁿᶠᵉʳⁿᵒ

⁴ ᶠʳᵃⁿᶜᵉˢᶜᵃ ᵇʸ ᴴᵒᶻᶦᵉʳ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᶦⁿᵘᵉᵈ

⁵ ᴼᵖᵉⁿᶦⁿᵍ ˡᶦⁿᵉ ᵒᶠ ᴰᵃⁿᵗᵉ’ˢ ᴵⁿᶠᵉʳⁿᵒ, ʷʰᶦᶜʰ ᵈʳᵉʷ ᶦⁿᶠˡᵘᵉⁿᶜᵉ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵗʰᵉ ᴮᶦᵇˡᵉ ᵃⁿᵈ ᶜᵃᵗʰᵒˡᶦᶜ ᵗʰᵉᵒˡᵒᵍʸ

⁶ ᴼᵖᵉⁿᶦⁿᵍ ˡᶦⁿᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᴮᶦᵇˡᵉ

⁷ ᴼᵖᵉⁿᶦⁿᵍ ˡᶦⁿᵉ ᵒᶠ ᴼⁿ ᵀʰᵉ ᴿᵒᵃᵈ ᵇʸ ᴶᵃᶜᵏ ᴷᵉʳᵒᵃᶜ, ᴱʳᶦᵏ ᴷʳᶦᵖᵏᵉ’ˢ ᶦⁿˢᵖᶦʳᵃᵗᶦᵒⁿ ᶠᵒʳ ʰᶦᵗ ᶜᵂ ˢʰᵒʷ ˢᵘᵖᵉʳⁿᵃᵗᵘʳᵃˡ

⁸ ᶠʳᵃⁿᶜᵉˢᶜᵃ ᵇʸ ᴴᵒᶻᶦᵉʳ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᶦⁿᵘᵉᵈ

⁹ ᴼᵖᵉⁿᶦⁿᵍ ˡᶦⁿᵉ ᵒᶠ ᴼⁿ ᵀʰᵉ ᴿᵒᵃᵈ ᵇʸ ᴶᵃᶜᵏ ᴷᵉʳᵒᵃᶜ, ᴱʳᶦᵏ ᴷʳᶦᵖᵏᵉ’ˢ ᶦⁿˢᵖᶦʳᵃᵗᶦᵒⁿ ᶠᵒʳ ʰᶦᵗ ᶜᵂ ˢʰᵒʷ ˢᵘᵖᵉʳⁿᵃᵗᵘʳᵃˡ

¹⁰ ᶠʳᵃⁿᶜᵉˢᶜᵃ ᵇʸ ᴴᵒᶻᶦᵉʳ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᶦⁿᵘᵉᵈ

¹¹ ᶠʳᵃⁿᶜᵉˢᶜᵃ ᵇʸ ᴴᵒᶻᶦᵉʳ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᶦⁿᵘᵉᵈ

¹² ᶠʳᵃⁿᶜᵉˢᶜᵃ ᵇʸ ᴴᵒᶻᶦᵉʳ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᶦⁿᵘᵉᵈ

My submission for the @destielvalentineszine2025 written for @butch--dean <333 Thank you so much to everyone who participated!!!

Stream thee Francesca amv (the most important piece of art I've ever experienced)

[casper-spills]

| Valentine's Day Special: Card Meanings In Love |

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! ♡

My blog has grown so much since I started doing online readings, and I am so incredibly grateful for all of your support! I'm super close to getting 500 followers, which is a HUGE achievement for me, so my next goal is to try to reach that number this month! If you'd like to help me reach that number, I would be so grateful for any reposts, added tags, or even a follow if you're new here and you like my content! Thank you all!

Those of you who have a valentine, I hope you have such a lovely weekend together! And those of you who don't, here's a gentle reminder to use this day to show those important to you that you love them!

Please enjoy this valentine's cheat sheet I've made for those who have started practicing tarot, or even those who have been doing it for a long time and would like a cheat sheet to refer back to ♡

Sincerely,

Cassy the friendly ghost ♡

P.S I'd like to know, in the comments, how you all celebrated valentine's day!

✦Masterlist ✦Paid Readings ✦Support me through Kofi

𓆩♡𓆪 Valentine's Discount 50% off!! 𓆩♡𓆪

50% off of all love readings! Happy Valentine's day!

Ends on March 1st

To use the discount, please click on the link below.

| KO-FI SHOP |

| MAJOR ARCANA |

0. Fool Upright: A new relationship, honeymoon phase, seeing through rose-tinted glasses, romantic holiday Reversed: Starting on the wrong foot, holding back, uncertainty, lack of chemistry

1. Magician Upright: Manifested love, bringing out the best in one another, dream come true, strong communication and commitment Reversed: Disingenuous love, lack of communication, mismatch, one-sidedness, manipulation

2. High Priestess Upright: Soulmate, twin flame, karmic, intuitive love, meant to be Reversed: Lack of balance, secrets, infidelity, living a double life, withdrawal

3. Empress Upright: Fertility, mother figure, princess treatment, parenthood, family, nurturing plants/animals together Reversed: Co-dependent, resentment, unresolved trauma left by parents, lack of self-love, unhealthy relationship

4. Emperor Upright: Father figure, stable and secure relationship, acts of service, physical displays of love, loyalty Reversed: Controlling, abusive relationship, guilt-tripping, jealousy, unresolved trauma left by parents

5. Hierophant Upright: Traditional relationship, spiritual, marriage, conventional relationship Reversed: Unconventional relationship, cohabitation, reversed gender roles, atheism, celibacy, LGBTQ+ relationship

6. Lovers Upright: Kindred spirits, intense love, harmonious love, mutual values and goals, soulmate, twin flame, compatible partners Reversed: Misalignment, disharmony, infidelity, lack of balance, one-sidedness

7. Chariot Upright: Successful relationship, silver lining, at the end of a difficult journey, gaining approval from others Reversed: Lack of direction, getting nowhere, unsuccessful relationship

8. Strength Upright: Strong connection, compassion, trauma bond, loyalty, taming someone who couldn't settle Reversed: Feeling unworthy of love, co-dependency, unresolved trauma, projection, toxic relationship, narcissism

9. Hermit Upright: Celibacy, chastity, self-improvement, lack of connection, not ready for a relationship Reversed: Fear of intimacy, unresolved trauma, self-indulgent, unhealthy relationship, feeling lonely in the relationship, lack of self-improvement

10. Wheel Upright: Luck in love, karmic connection, adventurous, unpredictable, optimism Reversed: Bad luck in love, inability to break cycles, rough patch, lack of chemistry, lack of change

11. Justice Upright: Pros and cons list, marriage, doing the right thing, balance, healthy relationship, treating one another fairly Reversed: Dishonesty, lack of accountability, caught cheating, unfairness, broken promises

12. Hanged Man Upright: Contentment, going with the flow, cohabiting, stagnation Reversed: Holding on, fear of being alone, indecisiveness, reality check, stalling

13. Death Upright: Break up, change, endings, walking away, divorce, acceptance, ego death, setting boundaries Reversed: Resistant to change, negative intense emotions, obsession, clinging onto a relationship

14. Temperance Upright: True balance, bring peace to one another, healthy love, growing old together, harmony Reversed: Internal imbalance, antagonistic, anger issues, abusive relationship, unresolved issues

15. Devil Upright: Unhealthy foundation, obsession, lust, unhealthy attachments, sex addiction, love bombing, manipulation, toxic/violent abuse Reversed: Therapy, healing from unhealthy patterns, breaking free, going your separate ways to heal. shadow work

16. Tower Upright: Fundamental sudden changes, breakup, new person coming in, traumatic event, chaos Reversed: Averting disaster, ripping off the band-aid, built-up resentment, addressing the issue

17. Star Upright: Inspiring one another, friends to lovers, laid-back/unconventional relationship, one of a kind, hope and joy Reversed: Having doubts, cynical mindset, manifesting negativity, losing your spark, uninspired relationship

18. Moon Upright: Uncertainty, paranoia, lack of communication, repressed emotions, misunderstandings, lack of clarity Reversed: Clarity, seeing the light, in touch with emotions, releasing paranoia, communication

19. Sun Upright: Joy and happiness, strong resolution, passion, fun, light of your life, building a future together, plans to have a family, warmth Reversed: Pessimism, stagnation, canceled engagement wedding, difficulties seeing a long-term connection

20. Judgement Upright: Motivation, changing for the better, rebirth, learning from one another, commitment Reversed: Lacking awareness, criticizing one another, lack of compromise, shifting blame

21. World Upright: Full package, perfect couple, serious relationship, the one, mature relationship Reversed: Unfinished business, feeling that something is missing, settling when you're dissatisfied

| MINOR ARCANA |

☁︎ 𝒔𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 ☁︎

Ace Upright: Head over heart, honesty, fairness, strong intellectual connection, strong resolve, accepting one another's quirks Reversed: Lack of honesty, broken promises, no longer recognizing one another, judging one another's quirks, conflict, misjudgement of character

Two Upright: Pros and cons list, an impasse, misaligned goals/values, difficult decisions, lack of vulnerability, getting cold feet, being torn between potential partners Reversed: Indecision, overwhelming emotions, confusion, procrastination, avoidance, running away, information overload

Three Upright: Heartbreak, emotional breakup, grief, divorce, separation, infidelity, betrayal Reversed: Releasing pain, forgiveness, healing the relationship, doing right by one another, reconciliation, getting back together

Four Upright: Peaceful and diplomatic relationship, no drama, mutual friends/support system, healing from past relationships Reversed: Exhaustion, stress, breaking point, taking a time out, stagnation, contemplation

Five Upright: Conflict, you vs. them, hostility, disagreements, self-sabotaging behavior, hot and cold, contradictions, abusive relationship Reversed: Silent treatment, reconciliation, attempt to compromise, resentment, sabotaging progress

Six Upright: End of a difficult time, healing, progression, long distance, planning to visit one another, entering a new chapter in your relationship Reversed: Overthinking, lack of progress/foresight, unfinished business with an ex/third party, social media/gaming addiction, difficulties in online communication

Seven Upright: Cheating, betrayal, getting away with it, strategic deception, external influences, taking the relationship for granted, manipulation Reversed: Dihonesty, white lies, lack of authenticity, avoiding confrontation, imposter syndrome, self-deceit, settling with an incompatible connection

Eight Upright: Self-entrapment in the relationship, limiting beliefs, reluctance, second-guessing yourself, feeling stuck, negative thinking, backed into a corner Reversed: New perspectives, seeing things for what they are, sense of freedom, overcoming negative thinking, addressing the problem

Nine Upright: Mental illness, trauma symptoms, difficulties maintaining the relationship, depression, anxiety, nightmares, abandonment issues Reversed: Road to recovery, supportive partner, addressing trauma, releasing fear, healing together, therapy/couples therapy

Ten Upright: Painful endings, divorce, breakup, separation, stabbed in the back, betrayal, victim mentality, drama, attention-seeking, rumors, clarity Reversed: Resisting an inevitable breakup, relief, recovery, blessing in disguise, escaping an unhealthy relationship, starting over

Page Upright: Banter, petty arguments, youthful relationship, flirting, clear intentions, hook up, unserious relationship, strong communication, adventure Reversed: All talk no action, mind games, situationship, lack of boundaries, lack of foresight, vague promises

Knight Upright: Moving fast, blunt and direct communication, speaking and acting impulsively, ambitious, optimistic Reversed: Burnout, controlling, verbal abuse, jumping through hoops, love bombing, overbearing, lack of romance, rushed relationship

Queen Upright: Healthy boundaries, directness, independence, no PDA, distant on the outside loving on the inside, mature, not beating around the bush, pragmatic relationship Reversed: Cold-hearted, over critical, selfish, lack of emotional intelligence, cruel, hurtful, bitterness, spitefulness, toxic relationship, absent mother

King Upright: Maintaining high standards, fatherhood, family, quiet love, acts of service, practicality, honest communication, good listening Reversed: Manipulation, aggression, violence, infertility, absent father, abusive relationship, gaslighting, misuse of power

🕯 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔 🕯

Ace Upright: New love opportunities, fertility, pregnancy, fiery potential, positive sex life, passion, bringing out the best in one another, flirtatious Reversed: Lack of passion or spark, negative sex life, hot and cold, short-lived fling, too much or too little, hypersexuality

Two Upright: Future planning, visiting favorite spots, traveling together, discovering things together, energizing one another, longing for one another, chasing for love Reversed: Lack of direction, commitment issues, business trip, one leaving the other behind to travel, fear of the unknown, stagnant relationship, feeling held back

Three Upright: Moving abroad together, long-distance relationship, optimistic about the future, growing together, meant to be, divine timing, strong potential Reversed: Feeling held back, failed long-distance relationship, inability to imagine future with partner, unprepared for commitment, lack of identity, canceled travel plans

Four Upright: Celebration, anniversary, baptism, wedding, engagement, baby shower, new chapter in relationship, coming home from trip, family, feeling at home with partner Reversed: Unhappy family life, neglecting relationship/family, canceled/postponed celebrations, family unaccepting of relationship, lack of stability, false twin flame, karmic connection

Five Upright: Conflict, pent-up aggression, resentment, arguments, ego getting in the way, feeling unheard, makeup sex, competitiveness Reversed: Suppressing temper, unspoken tensions, unresolved resentments, abusive relationship, fear of confrontation, alternatively; playing the devil's advocate/bickering as a form of foreplay

Six Upright: Showing one another off, sharing success, supporting one another, proud relationship, power couple, turning heads Reversed: Inflated egos, narcissism, depleted sense of self, making one another jealous by adding competition, unsupportive of goals

Seven Upright: Challenged in the relationship, challenged by a third party, defending the relationship, judgment from outsiders, being on guard Reversed: Giving up on the relationship, others successfully coming between partners, exhaustion, feeling defeated, overwhelmed, loss of trust

Eight Upright: Moving fast, long-distance relationship, travel, swept off your feet, passionate connection, love at first sight, immediate click, compatible love language, sexual compatibility Reversed: Slow progress, losing momentum in relationship, lack of romance, traveling alone, falling out of love, incompatible love language, sexual incompatibility

Nine Upright: Pursuing a relationship with courage, persistence, being on guard, negative past relationships, fundamental differences between partners, differing core beliefs, overcoming differences/challenges Reversed: Losing the will to fight for relationship, exhaustion, beaten down, no more energy to argue, feeling judged by one another, paranoia, defensiveness

Ten Upright: Carrying extra responsibilities, one-sided relationship, taking a partner for granted, karmic connection, burdening relationship Reversed: Letting go of burdens, compromises, carrying burdens as a team, offloading stresses, inviting fun back into the relationship

Page Upright: Playful relationship, adventurous, outdoor activities, active couple, surprise pregnancy, initial spark, going to gym together, limitless potential Reversed: Losing the spark, lack of enthusiasm, lack of chemistry, fickleness, indecisiveness, immaturity

Knight Upright: Rebellious romance, free-spirited, intense passion, adventure, enjoying the chase, moving fast, showing off a partner, charming, sexual compatibility Reversed: Fear of missing out, impatience, inflated egos, infidelity, false commitment, rushing into commitment

Queen Upright: Colorful relationship, never boring, spiritual bond, sense of one another's feelings, telepathic bond, social butterflies, confidence in one another Reversed: Unbalanced emotions, entitlement, lack of spiritual bond, detached from one another, unauthentic, lack of sense of self, introversion, lack of confidence

King Upright: Peacocking, dress/walk/talk to impress, relentless flirting, mature relationship, directness, adventurous, wine and dine Reversed: Inflated egos, manipulative, overly forceful, infidelity, jealousy, possessiveness, double standards, drama queen/king, overly high expectations

꒦꒷ 𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒔 ꒷꒦

Ace Upright: New relationship, compassionate, creative expressions of love, unconditional love, caring, pure intentions, true love Reversed: Losing faith in love, difficulties maintaining relationships, repressing emotions, unrequited love

Two Upright: Mutual attraction, unified love, partnership, marriage, mutual support, soulmate, pure love, long-term relationship, contracts, yin & yang, star-crossed lovers Reversed: Breakups, disharmony, incompatibility, resentment, losing sense of self, obsessive behaviors

Three Upright: Celebration, engagement, wedding, baby shower, anniversary, friends and lovers, soul tribe, one another's good luck charms Reversed: Short-term relationship, fizzling out attraction, canceled celebrations, discord with one another's support systems, lack of friendship

Four Upright: Contemplation, regretting past mistakes in love, missing out in love, self-absorbed, woe-is-me mentality, caught up in a fantasy, taking the relationship for granted Reversed: Grateful for relationship, conclusions, living in the moment, checked in for alignment, appreciating the good things, looking at the positives

Five Upright: Regrets in love, failed relationships, pessimism about love, loss of a loved one, heartbreak, grief, isolation, separation, harboring feelings for an ex Reversed: Moving on from past relationships, letting go of regrets, new possibilities, clean slate, healing

Six Upright: Friends to lovers, playful romance, shared childhood memories, high school sweethearts, past life lovers, healing inner child Reversed: Lacking playfulness in relationship, stuck in the past, harboring feelings for an ex, immaturity, recreating romantic experiences, inability to appreciate a new partner

Seven Upright: Multiple potential partners, fantasizing about love, rose-tinted glasses, seeking external romantic validation, discontentment Reversed: Reality check on love, confronting issues within relationship, being realistic, overwhelmed by choices in love

Eight Upright: Abandonment issues, abandoning a relationship/partner, walking away from arguments/confrontations, drifting apart, avoidant behavior, emotionally distant, escapism Reversed: Trying one more time, not knowing when to walk away, fear of abandonment, indecision, complacent to unhealthy habits

Nine Upright: Wish come true, fulfilling relationship, contentment, sensual & romantic relationship, compatible partners, manifested love, healthy relationship Reversed: Unfulfilling, dissatisfaction, lack of gratitude for relationship, high expectations on love, falling out of love, materialism

Ten Upright: Divine love, blissful relationship, harmony, alignment, sexual compatibility, emotional fulfillment, long-term relationship, family, ultimate happiness, completing one another's lives Reversed: Struggling relationships, misalignment, lack of commitment, dissatisfaction, discontent, emotional disconnection

Page Upright: Romantic proposals, pregnancy, engagements, secret admirer, puppy love, cupid, head over heels, wearing heart on sleeve, creative expressions of love, youthful romance Reversed: Doubts, immaturity, canceled engagements, obsessive attraction, codependency, limerence, lack of boundaries

Knight Upright: Creative expressisons of love, charmed, swept off your feet, proposals, affectionate, knight in shining armor, prince charming, romeo Reversed: Unrealistic, jealousy, paranoia, canceled engagements, negative patterns, mind games, manipulation, player, infidelity, misogyny

Queen Upright: Emotional stability, compassion, spiritual connection, nurturing relationship, natural mother figure, family, drama-free Reversed: Lack of balance, emotional issues, emotional unavailability, couple's therapy, cold, distant, lack of boundaries, clingy, unhealthy relationship

King Upright: Emotional balance, natural father figure, mature relationship, diplomatic, balance, compassion Reversed: Emotional manipulation, cunning, emotional tug of war, controlling, possessive, smothering, clingy, sexual violence, abusive relationship

˗ˏˋ 𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒔 ˎˊ˗

Ace Upright: New relationship, manifested love, luck in love, meeting by chance, long term, security and stability Reversed: Missing out on romance and love, starting on the wrong foot, sexual incompatibility, being together for material wealth, lack of planning

Two Upright: Adaptable relationship, financial decisions, mortgage, loans, investing together, prioritising the relationship, opposites attract, passionate and practical Reversed: Lack of passion and fun in the relationship, juggling too many tasks, financial stress, imbalance, disorganization, unhealthy dynamic

Three Upright: Working as a team, stability, friends and lovers, co-creating a family/business, having the same goals, learning from one another, creativity, sharing interests Reversed: Disharmony, lack of cooperation, inflexible, stubbornness, having opposite goals, working alone, lack of friendship, no shared interests, lack of creativity

Four Upright: Control, jealousy, possessiveness, codependancy, unhealthy dynamic, overly dominant and overly submissive, micromanaging social media platform, hoarding money Reversed: Developing a healthy dynamic, flexible finances, friends to lovers, healing togther, creating balance, dealing with negative feelings and habits

Five Upright: Hopelessness, abandonment, cold, distant, financial struggles, health struggles, unhealthy communication, blaming one another, worlds apart Reversed: Overcoming struggles, developing healthy communication, couples therapy, addressing the problem

Six Upright: Gift giving, generous to one another, balanced give and take, humanitarian belifs, treating one another as equals Reversed: One-sided charity, lack of balance, taking advantage, unbalanced household responsibilities, lack of effort on one side, resentment

Seven Upright: Long-term relationship, investing in the future, buying a home, pregnancy, marriage, traditional relationship Reversed: Rough patch, stagnancy, lack of growth in the relationship, impatience on one side, rushing the relationship

Eight Upright: Dedication, commitment, financial security, acts of service, healthy lifestyles, working at the same job together Reversed: Workaholic tendencies, neglecting the relationship, complacency, laziness, boredom

Nine Upright: Stability, freedom to be independent, secure relationship, pursuing personal goals, supportive partner, abundance, luxurious living, financial security, artistic couple Reversed: Financial instability, marrying for money, materialistic relationship, dishonest about finances, lack of sense of self, immaturity

Ten Upright: Wealthy family, long-term success, traditional family values, realistic relationship, pets, close family, generational wealth Reversed: Arguing over money, domestic disputes, financial burdens, unconventional relationship, irresponsible behavior

Page Upright: Loyalty, strong foundations, good potential in relationship, marriage/parent material, new potential opportunities in love Reversed: Difficulties finding love, lack of maturity in relationship, lack of fun and passion, laziness, lack of experience in love

Knight Upright: Faithful, loyal, committed, becoming exlcusive, realistic relationship, going slow Reversed: Dull relationship, lacking passion, too serious, moving too slowly, too rigid, controlling

Queen Upright: Practical relationship, the feminine role is the provider, working mother, indulging in luxury, feeling like home to one another, physical touch love language Reversed: Work-home conflict, social climber, jealous, moody, chaotic approach to relationships and finances, neglectful wife/mother, manipulation

King Upright: The masculine role is the provider, working father, pragmatic, committed, abundant finances, security, expresses love through actions Reversed: Obsession with wealth and status, stubborn, controlling behavior, lacking a foundation, using resources to manipulate, impatient father/husband

♥Thank you for your support!♥

Dividers by @cafekitsune, @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

Source 1

Source 2

[itsgiovanna]

playing for love (chapter 3)

pairing: fem!character x mason mount

summary: injured and lost, mason mount begins his recovery with the help of adeline alderidge, a tough yet brilliant physiotherapist with secrets of her own. he becomes determined to break through the walls adeline has built around herself. but some wounds don’t heal easily, and the closer they get, the more mason realizes she might need saving just as much as he does.

notes: i'm so happy so many people are enjoying!!! really, it means the world. here's another one to cheer you up and thank you 🤍 :)

word count: 3.2k

warnings: cursing, angst.

teaser |chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 (soon)

Adeline sat at the small wooden table in her living room, her laptop open in front of her, a notebook filled with scribbled notes and a half-empty cup of coffee she’d long forgotten. The morning light filtered through the window, casting a soft-glow over the space, but her attention was fixed solely on the screen.

She had worked with athletes before — semi-professionals — but never someone of his level.

A Premier League footballer. An England international.

This was different. The stakes are higher, the expectations heavier, and Mason? He wasn’t making things any easier.

She tapped the end of her pen against her notebook, exhaling slowly. Mason Mount was guarded. Irritable. Completely uninterested in her presence. Not that she expected him to be overjoyed about working with a physiotherapist — especially one who had been assigned to him rather than chosen — but the coldness in his eyes, the short responses, the way he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with this whole process… It didn’t exactly set a promising journey.

Adeline had learned to navigate stubborn patients before. But, Mason Mount? He was a whole different kind of challenge.

A sudden giggle pulled her out of her thoughts.

On the floor, just by the couch, Lilith sat cross-legged with her stuffed animals spread around her in an organized mess. She was speaking in a serious voice, clearly in the middle of a conversation between her toys.

“No, Teddy, you can’t eat all the biscuits! It’s not fair to Bunny.” she huffed, arms crossed as if truly scolding them. “We share in this house, ‘kay?”

Adeline felt her lips twitch into a small smile despite the weight pressing on her chest.

Lily. The biggest reason why this job mattered.

Her usual routine was simple: drop Lily at daycare in the morning, pick her up in the late afternoon, spend the evening together.

Her heart clenched at the thought of missing their usual evenings — cooking dinner together, bedtime stories, Lily’s constant chatter filling the flat.

She needed this opportunity. But, at what cost?

Her eyes flickered back to her screen, back to the scans of Mason’s knee. The damage was significant, but the surgery had been successful. Now, it was about getting him to trust her, to listen, to push past the frustration and actually engage with his recovery.

Her fingers tapped against the table as she read the list, then underlined the last point "step 5: slowly reintroduce movement".

Mason didn’t strike her as the patient type. He’d want to push harder, move faster, prove to himself that he wasn’t broken. That was the real battle. Not just the physical recovery — but getting him to accept that it'd take time.

She sighed, glancing at Lily, who was now making Bunny and Teddy hug it out, completely unbothered by the world around her.

Her pen was poised over the notebook, underlining key points in her notes, when she suddenly glanced at the clock. Her stomach dropped. She was late. Again.

“Shit.”

She was juggling too many things at once — her bag, Lily’s tiny backpack, her keys between her teeth — when Adeline finally swung the door open, only to freeze mid-step.

Because standing in the hallway, just locking his own door, was him.

Elliot Sinclair.

He was new to the building, had moved in a couple of months ago, and ever since, Adeline had definitely noticed him. Tall, dark-haired, built like he actually used that gym membership most people just don't mind. Always dressed effortlessly in fitted sweaters and well-tailored trousers, like he walked straight out of a magazine.

And he had this smile — like he knew exactly how good he looked but wasn’t an asshole about it.

“Morning, Adeline.” His voice was smooth, polite, just like always. His green eyes flickered down to Lily, who was hopping beside her mum, struggling to get her arms into the straps of her backpack. “And good morning to you, Miss Lily.”

“Hi, Mr. Elliot!” Lily beamed, finally getting the backpack on and standing up straight, proud of herself.

“That’s quite the bag you’ve got there. Off to save the world?” Elliot chuckled.

Lily gasped, as if she’d been caught in a secret mission. “How’d you know?”

“Lucky guess.” He winked.

Adeline cleared her throat, clutching Lily’s tiny hand in hers.

“Morning, Elliot. You heading out?”

“Yeah, work calls.” He lifted the leather briefcase in his hand, his watch catching the light. “And you? Big day ahead?”

Adeline hesitated, not quite sure why she suddenly felt… nervous.

She spoke to people all the time. This was normal.

But something about the way he looked at her — genuinely interested, not just asking for the sake of politeness — made her stomach flip.

“Uh, yeah. First session with a new patient today.” she answered, shifting the weight of her bag on her shoulder.

“Physiotherapy, right?” Elliot nodded, intrigued.

“Yes.”

“Must be rewarding.” he said, eyes warm. “Helping people get back on their feet.”

Adeline blinked. Most people didn’t really say things like that. They either assumed she did massages all day or made some joke about her working with sweaty guys.

But Elliot… he actually seemed to get it.

She cleared her throat again, feeling the heat creep up her neck. “There’s a mix of highs and lows.” But, before Elliot could say more, a known voice cut through the hallway.

“Well, hello.” Adeline groaned before even turning around. She strolled down the hall, coffee cup in one hand.

Stella.

“Oh, Ady.” she drawled, stopping beside her with a dramatic sigh. “You never told me you had such a fit neighbor.”

Adeline wanted to die. Right there. On the spot.

“I suppose I’ll take that as a compliment.” Elliot chuckled.

“You should.” Stella replied, giving him a once-over that was far too obvious.

Adeline needed this moment to end. Immediately.

“Well, we should go.” she rushed out, gripping Lily’s hand a little tighter. “We’re already late.”

“Right. Have a good day, both of you.” Elliot smiled.

“You too, Elliot.” Adeline muttered before practically dragging Stella towards the lift.

The moment the doors closed, Stella burst into laughter.

“God, Adeline. You like him.”

“What? No, I don’t.”

“You so do.”

“Can we not?” Adeline groaned, pressing the button for the ground floor.

“Are you kidding? He’s gorgeous. Tall, dark, polite, successful — what’s his deal? Lawyer? Architect?”

“I don’t know. Finance, maybe?” Adeline shrugged. “He’s always in suits.”

“Oh, even better. A rich, hot neighbor? Babe, this is prime romance novel material.”

“Stella.”

“Adeline.”

Adeline sighed, praying for patience.

Stella just smirked. “Alright, fine, I’ll leave it — for now. But, one day you’re gonna admit I was right.”

Adeline rolled her eyes. Like that would ever happen.

“Now, let’s talk about something far more important,” Stella continued. “I’m taking Lily today, and before you argue — yes, you need me to, and yes, you’re going to accept it.”

And just like that, the conversation smoothly transitioned to Stella’s plan to help with Lilith.

But no matter how much Adeline focused on her friend’s words, she couldn’t quite shake the way Elliot had looked at her.

(...)

Mason sat on the edge of his bed, the TV droning on in the background. He wasn’t really watching, just trying to drown out the mess of thoughts in his head. The injury, the disappointment, the endless pressure. His leg was still sore, the heavy weight of frustration pressing down on him.

A sports program came on, the ESPN logo flashing across the screen. Mason’s eyes drifted lazily to the TV as the host started talking about him.

"Mason Mount, still struggling to make an impact at Manchester United after his move from Chelsea. Following a difficult start to the season, and now, a injury that’s going to keep him sidelined for a while, the question is: can he come back from this?"

The words hit him like a slap. He could feel his blood boil as they moved onto clips of his missed shots, his poor performances. The commentator, as usual, was so eager to make it sound worse than it was.

"Come on..." Mason muttered under his breath, his grip tightening on the remote.

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. With a grunt, he hurled the remote across the room, the clattering sound echoing off the walls as it hit the floor. His chest was tight, his anger bubbling up, and he hated that this was how it was playing out. He wasn’t supposed to be in this situation.

The door creaked open just as he leaned back against his pillows, still seething.

“Mate, you alright?” Ben’s voice broke through the silence, and Mason looked up to see his two best friends, Ben and Declan, standing in the doorway.

Ben grinned, looking around the room. “What, did you lose a fight with your remote or something?”

Mason couldn’t help the small huff of laughter that escaped him. “I’m fine.” he muttered.

“Sure you are, mate.” Ben said, tossing a sideways glance at Declan. “We just thought we’d swing by before practice. Check in on the walking wounded.”

“How’s it going, mate?” Declan gave him a quick, sympathetic smile, his hands in his pockets.

“Not great.” Mason replied honestly, rubbing his eyes. “It’s been a hell of a couple of days.” Ben flopped down into a chair, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

“We’ve been planning a trip, actually.” he said, leaning forward, clearly excited. “Something to take our minds off football. Thought we’d do a lads’ weekend in a couple of months, when you're good to go. Get away from the madness for a bit.”

“Yeah, somewhere warm, maybe a beach. You’ll be back on your feet by then, no problem.” Declan joined in.

“I hope so, but we’ll see.” Mason leaned back in the bed, his eyes scanning the ceiling.

“We’ve all agreed, you’re coming. No excuses.” Ben shot him a smirk.

“Yeah, yeah.” Mason replied, trying to smile. “If I can even walk by then.”

“You’ll be fine. You’ve got this.” Declan gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

Just as Mason was about to respond, the door opened again, and Adeline stepped into the room. Her presence immediately changed the atmosphere, her calm demeanor cutting through the tension.

Ben, always the cheeky one, didn’t waste a second. He stood up, flashing her a grin.

“Oh, I see… this is her, huh? The one who’s gonna fix our mate up.”

“I’m here to help, yes.” Adeline raised an eyebrow, her cool expression not missing a beat.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Declan.” Declan, ever the polite one, extended his hand with a warm smile.

Ben, on the other hand, gave a small wink as he took a step closer.

“Ben. Good luck with this one, Adeline.” he said, his grin teasing, though there was a hint of genuine admiration in his voice. “He’s a tough one.”

“Nice to meet you both, boys.”

Mason rolled his eyes slightly, already bracing himself for whatever would come next. His mates were clearly a bit too comfortable.

“Alright, well, I think it’s time to get to work.” Adeline said, glancing back at Mason. “Shall we start?”

Ben leaned in toward Mason with a wink. “Good luck, mate. We’ll leave you in her capable hands.”

“Yeah, take care of him.” Declan said, nodding seriously. “Catch you later.”

The door closed behind them, and Mason was left staring at Adeline, a mix of frustration and reluctance settling in. This wasn’t exactly how he imagined his recovery would go, but here he was. Time to face the music.

(...)

Mason sat on the edge of the treatment table, gripping the sides with both hands as he tried —really tried — to focus on the exercise Adeline had set up for him. His leg ached, the resistance band wrapped around his foot biting into his skin as he attempted another slow lift. He exhaled sharply, frustration simmering just beneath the surface.

“This is pointless.” he muttered, dropping his leg back down with a huff.

Adeline, standing beside him, barely flinched at his tone. “It’s not pointless. You need to strengthen the muscles around your knee to stabilize it.”

He rolled his eyes. “I know how injuries work.”

She crossed her arms, tilting her head slightly. “Oh, do you? Because, right now, it looks like you’re giving up before you’ve even started.”

Mason clenched his jaw, glaring at her. She was pushing him, and he didn’t like it. She wasn’t one of those physiotherapists who offered sympathy or let him get away with half-arsed attempts. No, she was standing there, waiting — expecting him to do better.

“I’m not giving up.” he gritted out.

“Then prove it, Mount.” she said smoothly, adjusting the band’s tension before stepping back. “Five more repetitions, no complaints.”

He wanted to argue, to snap back with something snarky, but instead, he exhaled through his nose and lifted his leg again. The burn in his thigh was immediate, his knee stiff and uncooperative, but he pushed through. Adeline watched closely, her gaze sharp.

It was strange — he was used to people watching him, analyzing his every movement on the pitch. But this was different. He wasn’t performing, wasn’t at his best, and yet she wasn’t looking at him like he was broken. Just… fixable.

He pushed the thought aside, focusing on finishing the set.

As soon as he was done, he dropped the band with an annoyed sigh, leaning back on his palms. “There. Happy?”

Adeline checked the angle of his knee and nodded. “For now. But we’ll push further tomorrow.”

Mason groaned. “You’re relentless.”

“It’s part of my job.” She smirked.

Before he could come up with a response, her phone buzzed on the table beside her. She grabbed it quickly, glancing at the screen before stepping away to answer.

Mason wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but the room was quiet enough that he could hear the soft tone of her voice. Whoever was on the other end, they were clearly important.

“No, it’s alright, darling.” Adeline said, her voice dropping slightly. “I’ll be there later. Don’t worry, everything’s fine.”

There was a pause. A softness in her expression that Mason hadn’t seen before.

She hung up and turned back around, slipping her phone into her pocket like nothing had happened.

“Is everything ok?” Mason raised an eyebrow.

“Just sorting a few things.” Adeline shrugged.

He eyed her for a moment, something about the way she deflected making him curious. But he wasn’t about to pry. Not yet, anyway.

“Well.” She said briskly, checking her watch. “That’s enough for today. You did alright.”

He scoffed. “Alright?”

“Considering you acted like a sloppy teenager, I’d say it was a decent effort.” She smirked.

“Cheers for that.” Mason let out a dry chuckle, shaking his head.

Adeline only smiled, grabbing her notebook and writing down something down before stepping towards the door.

“See you tomorrow, Mount.” she called over her shoulder.

Mason watched her go, his mind still stuck on that phone call. There was something she wasn’t saying. But then again, he barely knew her. It wasn’t like she owed him an explanation.

Still, as he ran a hand through his hair and glanced at the clock, he realized something.

The sessions weren’t getting any easier. But for the first time since the injury, he wasn’t just dreading them — he was thinking about them.

About her.

And that was unfamiliar territory.

(...)

The flat was quiet when Adeline stepped inside, the kind of silence that settled deep, reminding her of what she had missed. She dropped her bag by the door, exhaling as she toed off her shoes. The warm glow of the small lamp in the living room was the only source of light, casting soft shadows on the walls.

Stella was curled up on the couch, scrolling through her phone, but at the sound of Adeline’s arrival, she looked up with a small smile.

“She tried to wait for you.” Stella said gently, tilting her head towards Lilith’s room. “But her little eyes kept shutting, poor thing.”

“What time did she fall asleep?” Adeline’s chest tightened.

“About half an hour ago.” Stella replied, standing and stretching. “She kept asking if you’d be back soon. I told her you were working hard, but you know how she is.”

Adeline swallowed the lump in her throat. She wanted to see Lilith, to wake her up just for a moment — to press a kiss to her chubby little cheek and whisper apologies into her curls. But she knew better. Lily needed her sleep. And that only made the guilt feel heavier.

“I hate this, Ella.” She sighed, running a hand through her hair.

“I know you do.” Her friend gave her a knowing look.

“I feel like I’m barely seeing her. What’s the point of doing all this if I can’t even be here for her?” Adeline lowered herself onto the couch, rubbing her face.

“You are doing it for her, Ady. This job means better opportunities, more stability. And you’re not alone. I’m here. Lilith is happy, she’s loved. She’s not going to resent you for working hard.”

Stella sat down beside her, nudging her shoulder.

But that didn’t stop the ghosts from creeping in. The voices from her past saying that she’d ruined her life by keeping Lilith.

"You’ll never manage."

The memory of her father’s cold stare. Her mother’s disappointment. The way they turned their backs on her the moment she decided to raise her daughter alone.

"You won’t be able to do this. You’ll fail. That little girl deserves better than you."

Her throat tightened, her fingers curling into the fabric of her jeans.

“Adeline.” Stella’s voice pulled her back, gentle but firm. “You’re an amazing mom.”

“Sometimes, I don’t feel like one.” Adeline forced a breath, blinking rapidly before turning to her friend.

“Because you’re exhausted. But trust me, Lily adores you. And when she wakes up, you’ll still be her favorite person in the world.”

Adeline nodded, though the weight in her chest didn’t lift.

Stella patted her knee before standing up, grabbing her coat. “Alright, I should get going. I'll wake up early tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” Adeline murmured, standing to walk her to the door.

“Always.” Stella shot her a wink. “Oh, and by the way… I still think you should try and have a bit of fun outside of work. That neighbor of yours? Very easy on the eyes.”

Adeline let out a soft, tired laugh, shaking her head. “Go home, Stella.”

“Fine, fine." Stella grinned. "But you should think about it. You deserve something good, babes.”

And with that, she was gone, leaving Adeline alone in the quiet once again.

She glanced towards Lilith’s door, contemplating sneaking in just for a moment. But instead, she walked to her own room, changing into something comfortable before slipping beneath the covers.

She had a long day ahead tomorrow.

(...)

[tillysketch]

You are my sunshine... (500)

Idea originally by @clericblood, her passage about being Astarion’s sun has burrowed into my brain, taken root, and sprouted leaves. I adore the HC about Astarion opening up a tailor shop in Baldur's Gate and I want to write more about it in the future. SO, here is those two ideas sort of mashed...

Two years later, after the fall of the absolute, the netherbrain, and the rebuilding of the Gate, you and Astarion have settled into a quiet comfortable routine. You’ve become a nocturnal pair, sleeping with the curtains drawn in the bright mornings, and dancing together under the starlit skies. Life is so easy now, compared to fighting every damn day and constantly traveling, moving, and dodging danger. You've built a home with the man you loved, and that alone was more than enough for you. There are moments however, where you miss daylight, and your heart hurts to think about how devastating it must have been to Astarion to lose the sun, not only once, but twice...

Every once in a while though, you become his sun. You come home from spending a day outside in the suffocatingly hot air. Your skin, now a shade or two lighter, burns much easier unfortunately. But, it makes Astarion’s cold hands all the more soothing. He rubs oil of aloe on your arms and shoulders when you come back home to him. Secretly, he adores it when you return all sun kissed and sweaty. He presses his cheek to your neck, wraps his body around yours- soaking in the heat that billows off of you. Inhaling the scent of your sweat mixed with that of your sun lotion, its his favorite perfume of yours. Exhausted, you just want to sleep, your day ending as his is beginning. It always takes a day or two to get back on the same sleep/wake cycle after your outings into the diurnal world. 

Astarion doesn’t mind. There isn't much anymore that he takes mind to, in fact. He’s more than content to let you sleep and warm your shared bed while he busies himself with his tailoring projects, or reading the daily gazette. With his newly booming business, there are always alterations to be made, small embroidery designs to work on, and repairs to torn trousers and the like. Work, work, work, work, work.... He pretends to hate it, but this new slow and quiet life is everything he could have ever wanted. And having you beside him through it all, it makes it all the sweeter. 

The night markets, various trips to the Underdark, and wanderings across Faerun have been the most uneventful, but greatest adventures you’ve had yet. Long gone are the days of swords, crossbows, and knives, but everyday spent together is just as thrilling, in its own special sort of way. Journeying by foot, you’ve stayed in almost every inn from the Gate all the way down the sword coast. One of your favorites is in Candlekeep, a small little bed and breakfast that overlooks the ocean. The constant background noise of the crashing waves drifting through the window is heavenly. 

Your dear friend Gale, bless him, writes every few weeks to update the both of you on an enchantment he has been working on diligently- one that will allow Astarion to return to the sunlight. Neither of you hold any hope in this, so as not to be disappointed if it doesn’t work out. Still, the sentiment and effort is more than kind of him to do for you two. You’re content, your days are the world’s quiet nights, and all is well.

Thanks for reading! <3 - Tilly

[thatfrailsoul]

– I watch the skies getting light as I write

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

pictures from pinterest → one, two, three

One step after another. One shaken breath. One look around you, confused, as you are trying to understand what is real, what is good and what is bad… What you got through, the things you’ve endured and accepted from the same hands that you thought would only caress you, take care of you, protect you… With that one fear of making the same mistakes. Of never learning and calling upon yourself the same fate again, as you hold another hand.

After surviving a fever that lasted a little too long, I'm back again, with this new reading from our Divinatory Jukebox!♡ I still feel a little meh, so for a while I will do readings that are slightly shorter, so I can come back gradually without overwhelming myself. And so for today, and through the song “How to disappear” by Lana Del Rey, your inner self has a little story to tell you, about what it is holding deep down in your heart, hiding it, not being able to release it, not before being fully able to understand it. What it was, why it did happen, how so much pain was able to overwhelm you right when you felt so safe… This reading will be a little message for you about your journey of love, the one that you are so eager to go through, to make progress in, without realising how your own hurt heart is holding you back, too afraid of feeling again the same pain of the past now, when those wounds are still bleeding so much.

Give yourself a moment. Slow down your breath, feel it. Put aside any judgement, overthinking or convictions… And just follow the pile that caught your gaze more, the one that will allow you to connect to yourself and receive this needed message.

And let me know what pile you chose..!♡

P.s. A little question for you ♡

{ Thank you so much for letting me know!♡ }

– Pile One,

the child: the six of cups and the knight of wands

It was never your fault. All the people that you met. The bonds you had. The things they did and said… It never was because of you. Of how you were, your worth or what you did. And it never could've been different, no matter how much the regret makes it seem possible or real.

There are so many ways in which a situation can evolve, so many different outcomes that depend only on what we are willing to do and want. It's true. But the past is a whole different story. It is something that we can’t reach. And that, fortunately, can never grasp us no matter how much we fear it.

And you need to understand it. To feel it. A truth that is so simple that is just overlooked, never considered by our judgemental and overthinking mind. The fact that we are safe here. Now. You are safe. Because you are not anymore with those people, not stuck in those suffocating moments that felt like an eternity of hurt.

You are here now. And it is new, every single second of it. At each step, each moment, each new breath… You enter a new reality of possibilities, created with your decisions, with your awareness and confidence that you won’t allow it to happen ever again. And it is enough. Truly. To protect you. It is enough to put miles and miles between you and them, or all those reflections of their meanness and cruelty of which you sometimes catch a glimpse in others that come too close to your heart.

You are safe here, with your own self. You have enough protection and guidance. Enough to not make again those mistakes, even if they never were yours in the first place and you simply learned from them through all this pain. You are doing well. No matter if you are getting closer to someone or, contrary, are hiding for a moment to heal and rest. No matter if it is all like you wanted and imagined, or completely the opposite and frustrating in how slow or fast it is. No matter if you are making a decision, opening your heart again, or are still waiting, still unsure… You are doing well. It is your journey. Only yours. Even when it seems to be influenced so strongly by the others. It is still and only yours to live and follow. And no matter how you will do it, it will always be the right way, the one that will be enough for your heart.

Don't put even more pressure on yourself. Don't fuse the past, of which you are still so afraid, and the future, that you are already overthinking, in this ball that you are ready to throw at yourself again and again. Let them go for a moment, detach them. Not from yourself, but from each other. Don't force the past, with your fears and convictions, to come into your future and shape it. Because it never was supposed to do it, it never wanted it, if we’d talk about it like it is a personification of some sort…

It's the past for a reason. You already got through it. You already lived it all. So allow yourself to stop keep on doing it in the now. Or in the future. Don’t look at this life through the lenses of someone that you are not anymore. Nor through those of the ones that wounded you, betrayed you, even if it still hurts. Let those situations and memories alone. Let them be. In their own eternal moment. In the space and time that was created just for them. They don't need more of it, they don't need for you to sacrifice your present moments or the future ones. And you don't need it in order to stay safe.

You already learned from them. What you needed and even more, even those lessons that weren't yours. You gained the strength, the confidence. You healed enough to live different moments and connections, to experience a different type of love… You just need to become aware of it. Of the fact that there is no need to keep on fearing, aggressively protecting yourself from it. Whatever that “it” might be. It will not repeat. It will be all different. And, in the good and in the bad, you are ready for it. You just need to realise and live it.

{ ♡ }

– Pile Two,

the tree: the queen of cups and the temperance

Even though it is much better and gentle to hear that it never was supposed to be this way, that you never were destined to feel so much pain… That it wasn't your fault, nor the consequences of who you were and what you wanted… Even if it would be so much easier to heal those wounds if you would hear all of this… It still wouldn't be a complete truth. And you would know it deep down, you would have that uneasy feeling, that fear that it might happen again, because you would be aware of the fact that it was indeed because of what you did and said, to others or to yourself.

It was bound to happen. Your heart was destined to be scratched and crushed. In that moment or in another. In the hands of that person or in the ones of someone else… perhaps even yourself. It would've happened either way. Because it was the only thing that could've break through that wall of delusion, entitlement, a little immaturity, that was creating so many wrong convictions in you about the connections, about the shapes and ways of love. That pain and the feeling of betrayal… were truly the only things that could get you angry enough to unveil that mirror that you never looked in. It was the only way to make you see. Who you were, your own actions and words, your needs and desires, that often weren't so aligned. It was the only way to turn your gaze, your scrutiny and judgement inwards. To you. And not only to others, that so often simply reacted to how you were.

It is not an easy subject. The one of the maturity, of growing, of realising our own mistakes and for the first time, after so long, seeing the uncomfortable truth that it wasn't only others, the source of so much challenge and pain. It is not easy to listen to all those sudden conclusions and answers that our mind starts to find, when it is alone with our heart… And it is even more difficult to accept them, to admit that we too did our part in creating those battles in which we got stabbed…

But you did it. No matter if you wanted it, decided to take that time and reflect, or if it just came crashing down on you in the moment that you were already so tired and consumed that you couldn't ignore or postpone it. You did it. To your own self. You found a way to listen to you, to the truth, to allow you to show yourself how the things really were as you got through them, not seeing nothing but attacks and betrayals. You did it. You stayed there for a moment. You let it sink in. Until it changed something in you, even if those wounds still continued to sting.

Your healing became your growth. And each stitch on your heart started to feel sweet and sour in its pain, because of the knowledge that it wasn't just useless hurt. It had a reason, a motive, that you can now escape and avoid because you know what are those things that can trap you in them.

It gives you confidence, that new knowledge and awareness of yourself, enough to make you feel ready for another journey. For a new connection in which you can practice the things that you learned, making them truly work… But it is a little too soon now. You still need those stitches to keep you together, to burn a little to remind you of the consequences of impulsive and rushed steps that you shouldn't take if you want to take care of yourself. And this means that you are not ready. Not until those wounds will be only scars. Scars that you don't try to forget about and hide away. But those that you respect and are proud of, the ones that you look at without feeling regret, shame or rage. Those that you honour, by making the steps that never would make your body, your heart, go again through all that pain.

You need a little more time. A little more patience. Those feelings and connections that you strive for will not go anywhere. They will wait for you to be truly ready. They will wait because they know that it is best this way, that it is worth it, for you to heal completely first, before doing the next step.

{ ♡ }

– Pile Three,

the paths: the moon and the five of wands

It wasn't really your choice to be here. To be alone, to feel so tired and cold. It never was your intention, not even for a second, to remain without anyone… It never was the reason behind your actions and your words. And yet they led to this. To feeling so misunderstood in every connection and situation, to seeing their eyes so hurt or full of rage, even when you chose your words so carefully, as you only tried to explain what you needed, what you felt…

It feels a little like a losing game. The one you can never win no matter how hard you try, not when the rules change every single damn time. The people, their thoughts and feelings, their unique way of seeing a connection, what love is supposed to be… It is just tiring and confusing. Especially for a heart that never wanted so many complications, so many “adventures”. A heart that so innocently and genuinely only looked for love, in any way, shape or form.

It really makes you slow down, all of this, so many challenges, difficulties, arguments and hurt. It makes you reflect on whether this is really what you want. If it is worth it at all. If you really can't live without it to the point of finding somewhere that strength and patience to keep on trying no matter what…

But, what if, the desire and need for this unconditional and powerful feeling, did indeed led you to a journey of love? What if they still worked, all those wishes spent on this… but just in a way that you didn’t know you needed to experience first?

You were so eager, so open, so ready for it… You did so much in the name of love, never pretending to find a specific type of it, just wanting to feel it once… And it was given to you, a journey of love. Of love for yourself. And the urge to take care and protect every inch of you, exactly like only a person truly in love would've done.

Through the ones that came closer, their often annoying or painful ways; through others that are further, their fairytale like stories that made you feel jealous and simply sad because this is not what you have; through the experiences, the ups and downs, the never ending frustrating stories and only few feeble joyful moments… You did go through a journey. And you did find love. The one of the truest and strongest form. You found love for yourself. Who you were. Who you are. And who you can and will become.

It is not what you looked for nor expected, it's true. But it is exactly what you needed to experience and learn. Before letting others teach you what love truly is, you needed to understand it on your own, to set those boundaries, expectations, limits that only those that are worthy can overcome. Those that you will see from miles away, feel so naturally and instantly. Because now you simply know what love is, respect and kindness, and you can recognise it in every gaze of those that truly can embody it, making you feel safe.

{ ♡ }

_

[novelconcepts]

i'm the same anon who asked abt the tattoo, so. you can be as controversial as you want, but could i ask why taivan is not as prominent/noticeable in comparison to shaunahat, or fanon ships? like, your opinion. because, genuinely, as much as i see their scenes and ppl cheering for them, idk, it's not as HARD and LOUD if that makes sense. thank you in advance!

I dunno about controversial--I'm never actively trying to be a shit-starter, I just. My honest take is twofold. One, people are definitely being steered by racism. I mean, I see that just in the way Jasmin is constantly under fire no matter what she does or says. This is a biracial Black queer person (noticed recently she's operating with she/they pronouns, playing in the gender sandbox, and good for them) who is clearly always working so hard to better their world and be a voice for the various minority groups she inhabits, and I feel like I'm just constantly seeing people be awful to and about them. Like, constantly finding excuses to set her aside, or send her the worst messages in the world, and I'm just like. Let this person live, for the love of Christ. The inability to not take unearned ownership of someone else's journey is...insane to me, but I feel like I see it constantly with her. So to have Taissa be this incredibly complex Black woman who is not always likeable, not soft and sweet and constantly striving for other people's approval--yeah, I'm not surprised the fandom ignores her. Furious! Always furious about it! But not surprised.

Van, too, gets set aside an awful lot, and that's obviously not about racism (although the interracial couple aspect is there). I think people are...so volatile about Van in ways that will never make sense to me. Half the time people are calling her a villain, the other half they're calling her boring, and in both cases, those people are just not watching the same show I am. Liv's performance is so nuanced and so carefully escalated, and Lauren is following suit; there is so much going on with this character, with Taissa's character, with their growth together and apart, and...yeah, I dunno, man. I think it's a lot of what Tai says onscreen in season one. They're not what people expect, or what people want them to be, so they get written off as "boring" or less appealing than the noncanon ships. Some of it is the racism, some is the complicated nature of gender and Van's butch qualities, and none of it makes sense to me because those aspects are so much of what I love about Taivan as a ship. Like. They are so real, so multifaceted, so good and so toxic for one another at the same time, and they are played by 3/4ths (at least, I don't know Ambrose's life) openly, proudly queer actors. DUDE. For me, that's the fucking dream.

THAT SAID. My other thought is a lot simpler. And that's just: what happens in canon belongs to the writers, and we get to share it. What happens in fanon belongs solely to fandom. The fanon interpretations of characters can be worlds away from the actuality of those characters onscreen, and I think there's a freedom there that a lot of people really love. Subtext has been the bread and butter of queer audiences for so long that I think a lot of viewers just naturally feel more comfortable in that space, reading between lines and making up the necessary filler as they go. It doesn't hurt that a lot of these characters are white and/or conventionally attractive, but I think it's more to do with...not needing to put the canon of it all at the forefront. Like I love Jackie/Shauna, I love Lottie/Nat, I live for Shauna/Lottie--but they're all subtextual relationships, to various degrees, and so I can just sort of...do whatever with them in stories, so long as I'm feeling the characters out. I personally have a preference for writing fic as close as I can to existing character profile/voice, but that's not for everyone, and I've noticed a lot of the fanon-born ships are...not simpler, necessarily, but simplified. Which, in turn, makes them more palatable. I dunno. I get it! I do. But I will never understand throwing aside the canon queer ship in favor of subtext. That just...ain't my bag.

And then I guess there's a third, less prominent idea of like. Who's the main character of the show? If you had to boil it all down, it's Shauna. She's the POV character, if we have one, from the start. So not only do you have the freedom of fan interpretation, but she's front and center a lot of the time just by the nature of the narrative. And then Natalie is probably the next "main" character, so...that speaks for a lot of the louder ships, I suppose. I'd really love to see more attention on Taissa for the same reason, since she's been at the front from the beginning, but...see above, i guess.

[idyllicchaos]

Oh, wow! Thank you all so much for voting for my story. The fact it was nominated at all is crazy. I literally just created a tumblr account so I could comment and reblog this post and give my thanks to you all haha. This story means so much to me. It started as a project with the sole purpose being to write something I wanted to read. Where it started and where it ended still blows my mind. Not only did I get to meet and chat with a bunch of you (undoubtedly my favorite part), but I also got to prove to myself that I could write a full comprehensive story. One that I love and care about deeply. This community is truly so supportive and loving. I started this journey on a whim and I'm still flabbergasted and grateful at where it ended up!

Thank you to @ultimatebethylficlist for running the Moonshine Awards and giving us all a chance to shine! All the love everyone and thank you so much for voting for Knowin' You're Alive <3

Moonshine Awards 2024 Winners

The results are in and the winners have been posted. Thank you to everyone for making the 9th annual Moonshine Awards another success! Congratulations to all the winners!

CLICK HERE TO SEE ALL THE MOONSHINE AWARD WINNERS!

[atzfilm]

— clair de lune. (m) - finale

genre; yandere, vampire!au, reincarnation! au angst, smut

pairing; ot8/f.reader, 21.2k~

warnings; major character death, manipulation, explicit scenes, murder, blood, smut (dubious), gaslighting, prior abuse/assault mentioned, knives, wounds, mass murder mention, blood exchanging, lying, mass delusions

summary; you’ve finally gotten the chance to enter “clair de lune”, a infamous nightclub to see the band hiraeth. but why did you feel like their eyes only watched you?

note: this fic deals with the subject of yandere. with that being said, a lot of the things happening in this fiction will be manipulation, gaslighting, and various other techniques displayed by the characters. if you are not comfortable with that, please do not read.

thank you to my best friend @hongism rereading for me .. <3

Chapter 8:

“He brought her to where Yeosang is,” Yunho says softly, watching his friend pace back and forth. Endearing how worried he seems to be, though they all know the likely end of this. You will never be convinced to become one of them, and their time is slowly ticking down. Yunho himself wouldn’t mind turning you now, so that he may deal with the decades of anger sooner rather than later. The others, excluding Wooyoung, not so much. Especially Song Mingi, biting his lip as he ponders his thoughts.

Though Mingi showed a tough facade to you in the beginning, he has always been softer. Blunt, sure, but his worry seems to supersede everyone else’s. There was a time that it burdened him too heavily for any of the others to pull him out, Yunho barely succeeding at doing so. Seeing him close to what he was like before does bother Yunho, but there is surely some way out of this situation.

“You’re letting this worry you too much, Mingi,” Yunho says, flipping through another page of his comic. He snorts at the dialogue. His gaze moved to Mingi’s feet, seeming to burn a path into the hardwood. Despite wanting to finish the book - he’s lingered on the same chapter for a while - he places it to the side, trying to meet the eyes of his best friend. “Hongjoong won’t let her be hurt.”

“Yeosang gets into these sprees when he’s too overwhelmed. I’m worried he won’t see y/n when he’s there. There's a chance–"

“Nonsense,” Yunho waves him off. “He’ll smell her before anything else. Might pull him out of his rage.”

“Might is not definitive.”

“She will pull him out of it, all right? Mingi, don’t let this affect you so much.”

Mingi closes his eyes for a moment, thinking. “It’s as if everyone else can worry but me. Don’t look at me like that. Nothing will happen this time, not like before.”

Though Yunho doesn’t respond, that only seems to fuel Mingi further. He slowly starts his pacing again, fingers digging into the palms of his hands. It’s not enough to break skin, no, but Yunho watches as he begins to lose himself in his thoughts. Interrupting will only worsen the situation so instead, he waits for him to understand his thoughts, to think it through before saying something. Mingi stops, looking back at Yunho.

“Could Yeosang have been right this whole time?”

“Min…”

“I know,” he holds up his hand. “I know that he’s stuck in his head just like I am. But should we just dismiss his thoughts? Should we let ourselves go through all of this again? She’s died once before Yunho, and it feels like it’ll happen sooner rather than later. We’re taking the same path.”

“We’re not. We aren’t even pirates this time. It’s different, Mingi,” Yunho sighs, rubbing his face. “I haven’t shoved blood down her throat. And I doubt any of us will.”

“You’re not listening to me-“

“What do you want me to say?!” His voice rises as he stands from the couch. “Tell you that I’d rather live another one hundred torturous years than force her to turn? Because that’s not what I want, and I know that’s not what you want either. We don’t want her to die. But if we let her live a full life without attempting to turn her, we all will suffer without her being around.”

“But what if that's what she wants?"

Yunho narrows his eyes. “What?”

“Why are we so selfish to force our ideals when it’s not what she desires? Yeosang has been a shell of himself ever since he turned. Why do we assume that she will be the same as she is now? In fact,” his gaze is glued to the floor. “If she is the same, turning her will only exemplify her emotions. Her hate toward us will turn into pure abhorment.”

“Waiting hundreds of years knowing she’s alive is better than letting her life cycle restart.”

He holds in his horror at his words. Mingi knew that Rose's death affected Yunho horribly, especially knowing that he was the one that forced her to murder in the beginning. But speaking of you as if you're not your own person? Mingi decides it is best to no longer try and convince his friend. “You’re right,” he lets the lie slip through his anger. “We cannot endure this again, can we?”

“Have you not seen us?” Yunho snorts, slowly sinking back into the cushions. “Our self-torture can only go on but so far. It will be all fine in the end, Min. Don’t worry about it.”

“I won’t.”

-

You’re not safe.

Hongjoong drags you through the front door, ignoring how you try to fight against his hold. It almost seems amusing to him, the slight smirk upon his lips, quirk of his brow. Enjoyment encasing his features. As if he finally has you and won’t let you go.

Your head is clearer now, absolute. Despite how kind any of them are – including Seonghwa, Yeosang, Mingi – they will never let you leave. It’s almost humorous to even think that they would have; each time you stepped a foot out of their gaze it was like you committed a felony. How unwise of you not to notice it sooner. It scares you how easily they’ve dug themselves into every part of your life - taking your home away, your friends. You’re sure there was influence on you applying for employment as well. Taking every escape away from you, keeping you to themselves.

“She will learn her place,” Hongjoong says, the grip on your arm so tight it feels as if he’ll pull it right from its socket. No matter how hard you tug he seems to ignore it, walking calmly pass the other men in the living area. The absence of Yeosang and Mingi is blatantly obvious, but you no longer have the will to ponder it. San and Wooyoung silently look on, quickly averting their gaze when you look at them. Yunho doesn’t, expression blank as he stares. Jongho, of course, does not bother facing you at all.

Seonghwa looks at you with pain. It’s sad how you no longer believe it to be real. Or at the very least, not for you. For the person's soul you've taken.

“We spoke about this, Joong,” Seonghwa starts, following close behind. “We said it would be different this time.”

He only scoffs, ignoring your screaming as he turns a corner. “What will we do then? Let her go on her merry way? You know that’s not possible now.”

“It is not now because you made it so,” he hisses, the two of them stopping in front of your door. Seonghwa crouches down, head tilted as he gazes upon you. All you can see is pity, his hand reaching out to touch your cheek. You flinch as he cups it, turning your head to meet his gaze. “It’s only for a few days. Just so that you get this out of your system, alright? We wouldn’t need to prolong it if there’s cooperation.”

“Fuck you,” you jeer.

"See?" Hongjoong seems to only sigh louder, pushing the door open and almost throwing you inside. You hold your head from hitting the floor, sliding across to the opposite side of the room. You struggle to lift yourself from the floor, body aching from the throw. You glance down at your hands, the blood from the dead in the restaurant dyed on your hands. You wipe them quickly, chest rising and falling.

There were so many dead. So many lives lost. You don’t notice how Seonghwa looks at you, wanting to step in and pull you out of your thoughts. He shuts his eyes for a moment, looking at his leader.

“Hongjoong.“

He holds up his hand. “She’ll learn her lesson soon enough. A few days of isolation will do wonders. Right, my sea?”

You don’t dare meet his gaze, nor try to run out the door. It’ll be foolish in the end, there’s eight of them and one of you. Why didn’t you listen to their advice?

Why didn’t you end it where it began?

-

It feels as if it’s spring outside; the window cracked just a bit for you to feel the warm breeze rush through. Vastly different from just a few days ago – the windchill almost suffocating, curtains closed as you tucked yourself beneath the blankets. You finally look away from the window when you see one of them appear, slowly making your way back into the cold sheets. Siyoon’s phone disappearing from the drawer only confirms your suspicions. If they are as guiltless as they make themselves out to be, it would still reside inside. Nothing sharp enough to hurt yourself with lying out and about. One of them searched your room when you left with Hongjoong. Now you’ll never know what happened to her. If she even survived her encounter with them.

The night Hongjoong dragged you back into this room is one you cannot forget. The pleas spilling from your lips as you begged for them to let you go, banging on the door. The sympathetic looks they gave you. As if you were the unstable one. As if all of this is your fault. Even Wooyoung, as guilty as he may be, gazed upon you with sympathy, an understanding nod as Hongjoong dragged you back inside, locking the door behind him. It's one of the last times you’ve seen him, and it’s been over a week since.

The first few nights were torture. They sealed your bedroom window, leaving it only open a crack for a bit of fresh air. The windows were coated with some sort of frost, hiding the outside world from your view. It only cemented the fact that no matter what you do or say, you’ll still be stuck in this room at the end of the day.

Now there’s nothing that could change your mind; Rose left for a reason. It wouldn’t surprise you if the two of you ended up in similar situations. Though she was stuck on a ship, and you are stuck in their home.

At least there’s the slightest chance that you can run.

“Your food is getting cold.”

Yunho stands at the door, hands tucked in pockets. He gives you a smile. You don’t have the energy to even pretend to care, shifting your gaze back to the frosted windows.

“No talking now?”

“Let me go.”

“Ah,” Though he speaks to your back, you can hear him run his fingers through his hair. “Eat and then we’ll talk about leaving.”

You roll your eyes, shifting your body to turn to him, “I should have noticed your lies from the beginning. It just comes so easily to you. What are you going to say next? I’m allowed to get some fresh air if I take a bite?”

His grin sticks, “Of course.”

“Go away, Yunho.”

“None of us want you stuck in this room, y/n,” he moves closer to the bed. You tense up immediately at his steps, eyes flicking to his hands. He holds them up in surrender, slowly sitting on the small stool. “We said it’d be temporary and we weren’t lying about that. If you want, you can sit outside and eat. I know you’re tired of looking out that window.” He gestures, dropping his hands. “We never wanted you to feel like a prisoner.”

“What a joke.”

“None of this would have happened if you cooperated,” he shrugs. “So, you want to go out or not?”

“If I say no?”

“Another week, unfortunately,” he frowns.

You slowly sit up, body numb from not moving for several hours. Yunho reaches out to steady you but you shift from his hand, shaking your head. They’ve hidden a lot from you; letting Yunho touch you is not the plan. You’d probably be put under some sort of spell. Of course, your imagination is very much working overtime, but months ago you wouldn’t have guessed that there was an underground vampire band that used to be pirates so consumed by their grief that they latch on to the reincarnation of their former lover.

Saying it in your head makes it even more unbelievable.

“You’re all sick, you know that right?” You murmur, sliding into your slippers. He doesn’t say anything, watching as you make your way to the plate of food. He takes it just as you’re about to grab it. “Yunho.”

“We’re going outside. You’re looking sickly without any sunshine, you should open the curtains a bit more. Light isn’t your enemy.” He steps to the side, gesturing to the open doorway. You’re not sure why the sight makes your anxiety start to rise. But you leave anyway, Yunho close behind you. The hallways are quiet as you step through the home. The back door is already ajar. You can see others just outside. One in particular stands out amongst the rest, sitting idly by the door. You still, causing Yunho to bump slightly into you as you do.

“I want to go back.”

“No.”

“Yunho–”

“I know there’s still a backbone in there somewhere, pretty,” he whispers, “Use it.” He pushes you slightly, forcing you to step further to the outside.

You stumble as you walk through the doors, desperately trying to calm your heart down enough. How have they beaten you down to the point where you cannot function properly around them? One man shouldn’t terrify you so much. You ignore his eyes, feeling them trail after you as you quickly make your way to the bench after slipping into your outdoor shoes, leaving the others to the side. The last time you were here, you enjoyed your time with Jongho. The memory is happy enough to ease your heart slightly, slow breaths escaping you. You sit down, Yunho placing the plate on a small table in front of you, a water bottle adjacent.

“See? Not so bad,” he pats the table, stretching. “I have to run out, but the others will keep you entertained enough. See you later, pretty.”

“Wait-”

He turns and walks before you can say another word. Your fists rest upon your thighs, gaze glued to the plate in front of you. From the quick glances before, you spotted Hongjoong, San, and Wooyoung lingering outside. Your body is too exhausted to think about where the others may be. The sun is bright today, hot against your skin as you slowly take a bite of the food. Your eyes move to the side, San and Wooyoung leaving promptly. You grip your plate, staring at the chest of the man who slowly makes his way over to you. Fear is what drives you now, looking in his eyes too much for you. All you can think of is the way he grinned as blood coated his hands and clothing, the way he laughed as he threw you into the room.

"Nice to see you after a few days, my sea," he sits on the grass in front of you, keeping enough distance for you to calm down slightly. You look back at the plate, unable to respond. "Nothing to say to me?"

"No."

He slowly drops his body against the lawn, hands resting behind his head. You inadvertently look at his face. The same sly smirk rests against his lips, brows lifting quickly when you finally look at his eyes.

You take another bite.

"Have you slept?"

"How could I when I'm in a house with people who want to kill me?" You say, teeth clenched.

"Being a vampire isn't killing you, y/n. It's another life. Extending your human one beyond what you can think of. It's a gift."

"It's a curse," you whisper. "Humans shouldn't live that long."

"Once you turn you're no longer human, so that doesn't really matter, does it?"

You place your chopsticks down, taking a slow breath. There's no use in speaking to him about it. He's lived long enough to twist your words. make it fit into his. And the other you’s probably had this same exact conversation with him dozens of times. “And then what comes after? Eternal suffering?”

“After turning? Anything you desire. You’ll have the world at your feet, just as we do.”

“It must be quite easy for you to assume,” you note, tucking your knees further into your chest. “Assuming that I will decide to live with you for however long I will be ‘alive’–“ you motion quotes with your fingers– “It’s a bit presumptuous to believe that I will never leave your side. And forcing me to will only work for so long. There will be a point when I decide that I’m sick of it and run.”

“You have yet to run though,” Hongjoong shrugs, gesturing to the gate. “It's been open for quite a while now but you lack an attempt to make a run for it.”

Scoffing seems to only lessen the impact of his words. What if you were to make a run for it? You doubt they would let you out of their sight for a moment. You can only think back to when Seonghwa let you go in that supermarket. You’re sure that everything would be in a different shape if you never arrived back home. What if… what if you didn’t show back up? Seonghwa gave you the out. The perfume that hides your smell, pheromones. You had the chance and you didn’t even take it.

Has there ever been a moment where you would have?

“Will you chase after me?”

He only smiles.

“Then what’s the point of me running? I doubt I’d get over the threshold without one of you stopping me.”

“Have you lost your drive to survive?” he raises a brow. “Or have you settled? The sea that I know wouldn’t allow us to keep her here without at least attempting to fight for it. It is only saddening to look at.” Despite his words his grin only seems to widen as he watches you. He’s desired this. He's always yearned for you to be subdued, underneath his fervent whims. Abiding by them only worsens the situation. But you cannot imagine yourself not giving up, fighting through it. You’ve tired yourself out over this year of meeting them. Who knew that the snarky woman at Clair de Lune would allow herself to be broken down into this empty shell? You know now that Rose wouldn’t have settled. She would have probably taken her life long ago.

It’s strange that you have yet to consider that path yourself.

“Who turned her?”

“Excuse me?” He’s mocking you now. "Couldn't quite hear you."

"Who turned Rose, Hongjoong? Which one of you did it?"

"Why do you care? Do you want to reenact it again? I wouldn't mind it, sure. But that's a bit strange even for you."

Oh. Fuck you.

“Wooyoung insists that it wasn’t him,” you start, knowing that this conversation could easily be turned on you. “And I believe him. But what I don’t understand is why her death is being hidden from me. What’s there to hide if she killed herself as you all have said? If it’s true, you could talk about it. If it’s true, you wouldn’t hide it from me.”

“Who are you to tell us what we’re thinking?” Though he still has the teasing grin on his lips, his eyes shifted, more narrowed. “Would it make you sleep better at night, knowing what truly happened to her? Would it change your mind about us, make you see us in a different light? Because as I see right now, you’re completely terrified of being in the same room as us. Pouring gasoline on the fire isn’t going to put it out.”

Though he doesn’t admit it blatantly, you can read between the lines. It’s true; Wooyoung didn’t kill her. He killed Yeosang, yes. But not Rose. And from what you know thus far Hongjoong wouldn’t hesitate to tell you it was him or Yeosang. He’d probably do it on purpose to make you fall deeper into yourself. But why hide it?

What would he gain?

Hongjoong stands, brushing off the strands of grass from his slacks. “I’d love to play with you some more, but we have a show. Mingi is somewhere around to entertain you whenever you decide to leave this spot. See you later, sea.” He waves slightly, leaving you alone outside. You glance at the open gate. There’s no one around that you can see but you know they’re watching. Waiting for you to take a step to it. You close your eyes for a moment, letting out a long breath.

Are you truly stuck here?

-

There seemed to be silent agreement amongst the men. Averted gazes, stepping out of the room when you enter. Even Wooyoung, as boisterous as he is, avoids you as you walk down the hallways. The feeling is eerie; watchful eyes at every corner, behind every door. The freedom to roam only makes you feel more trapped. More secluded. You wonder if this was their captain’s plan all along.

Your grip on the ceramic cup Mingi slides to you is tight. Lips firm. It’s strange how alone you feel in a house filled with people.

“Are you all right?” Mingi keeps his distance, leaning against the far wall. There’s a bit of a frown on his lips. He’s never shown you mock concern, but that was before you were forced into these walls. Now you don’t think your read of their expressions is accurate at all. “y/n?”

“Fine,” you remain tight lipped, placing your cup on the counter. You lift the coffee pot, slowly pouring it. You pretend not to notice the knives sitting on the countertop, only an arm’s reach away. “As fine as I can be while being kidnapped.”

You wait for him to excuse their behavior, say something along the lines of It’s not like that, we love you. A part of you hopes he does so you can tear apart the argument piece by piece. Instead, he nods solemnly, a sigh breaking the silence.

“It’s inexcusable.”

That makes you stop for a moment and turn to him. He sends you a closed-lipped smile, shrugging.

“There’s not much else I can say but that.”

“Shocked you’re not begging on your knees for me to forgive you,” you admit, placing the pot back down. The warmth causes a shutter through you, hands cupping the coffee. “Or telling me to go see Hongjoong.” Hongjoong told you just before he left that if you wanted to know details, you could just ask him. Alone, of course. Exactly the one thing you'd never do.

He laughs dryly then, “Would you even agree to it?”

“Hell no.”

“Then there’s no use in me even asking.”

“What’s up with you, Mingi?” Though the question is reasonable, there’s layers to it. He’s been off ever since that day the two of you were taken and kept in Subin’s home, or whatever it was. The day that he found out you were slowly being poisoned. It’s as if something shifted with him. Sure, he was annoyed with you in the beginning and it drifted to a fondness. But nothing this odd. He looks as if he’s in neverending pain.

Wait.

No. You’re not about to do this. There’s no reason to be worried for him. Feeling sympathy toward a person who is holding you against your will isn’t smart.

He shakes his head slowly, “I just, I worry for you. I know you won’t believe my words because I’ve broken your trust, but I am scared.”

“Of?”

“What we are doing to you,” his voice is low, eyes widening as he says it. His pupils tremble as they stare at you, full of aversion and panic. “I’m afraid of the past continuing to repeat. It’s frightening how similar it is.“

“You say that and yet here I stand across from you, unable to leave while you look at me with pity. I’ve got to say, Mingi, you almost fooled me.” You snort, ignoring the way your heart pounds. He can hear it, you’re sure of it.

“They’re not home,” he starts. “I’m the only one here.”

“So?”

“I’m the only one here,” he repeats.

You still, gaze moving back to him. “You would let me go?”

“You wouldn’t get far.”

“Mingi, you would let me leave right now?”

Though there is pain in his eyes, he nods. “I’d do anything for you. But you have to hurry, y/n. They’re—”

You don’t let him finish, dropping the cup from your hands and turning down the hallway. There’s no time to grab anything but your bag that hangs by the door. Just as you swing the door open, you meet the eyes of Jeong Yunho. His widens briefly before sighing, running his fingers through his hair.

“Didn’t I tell them that Mingi shouldn’t be home alone with you?” He steps inside, stepping around you. You don’t bother exiting the house, the others slowly making their way up the path. “Running away at the slightest chance. I told them this would happen. They were all worried about Seonghwa when we should have been watching Mingi.”

Mingi swallows slowly, looking at you with sympathy. The others enter the home, talking amongst each other as they step around you. They all wear their outfits from the show, not bothering to clean off the blood of their victims. Most are stained, except Jongho. And again, Yeosang is nowhere to be found. You doubt you’ll ever see him again after what you’ve witnessed. Hongjoong is the last to enter, slowly closing the door behind him. He closes his eyes for a moment, rubbing the space above his brows.

“What was the end goal, my sea?” He asks, turning to you. “Where were you going to go?”

“Hongjoong—”

“Ah,” he holds up his hand, stopping you just as you begin to speak. “Better that I not know so I don’t mess up your little plans, right?” His smile drops when he looks at Mingi, eyes narrowed. “You said you would watch her.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I didn’t think she would run—”

“A foolish thought. An even foolisher one that you would let her.” Hongjoong interrupts, eyes flicking to yours. “Yeosang would be hurt that you’d just run away, you know.”

“I don’t care what he thinks.”

“Is that so?” His brow lifts. “Then what about Mingi? Seonghwa? Jongho? You would leave us all without blinking?”

“This is not a life, Hongjoong!” Your voice rises, throwing your hands in the air. “What do you expect me to do? Just sit here and take it? Let you turn me into whatever you want? Generations of my soul didn’t want it, Joong. I myself don’t want it either. I just want to go home.” You can feel your breath quickening, heart beating against your chest. “Why won’t you let me go home?”

“What home, y/n? Your apartment is gone. Or are you speaking of your family? Parents? Oh my beautiful sea,” he tsks, shaking his head. “They don’t want you. They’ve never wanted you.”

“Stop,” you shake your head. “I won’t listen to you.”

He takes another step to you, forcing you to shrink into the corner of the room. The others do nothing to stop him. “You know it yourself. That’s why you ran to Seoul. Because they didn’t want you, remember? You begged for them to listen to your dreams, to accept you as you are. But they disowned you, told you that they were no longer your parents. You pleaded over and over but they only forced you out with one suitcase, and barely one thousand won. Pretending it didn’t happen doesn’t stop it from being true,” he places his hand on your cheek, pressing his lips against your forehead. They feel abnormally hot on your skin. “We’re your family now, y/n. We’ll take care of you.”

No. They didn’t… did they? Your memories begin to jumble. And just as clear as day, you remember the way your father shouted at you, telling you to leave. How you cried, falling to your knees. That’s not true, no. He loved you. He… hated you.

“I’m sorry Rose, it’ll be quick okay? Really quick, I will not let you suffer.” Jongho pushes his hand against your mouth as Rose–you, cry out. Your hands grip his arms, gagging as you accidentally swallow his blood. He pulls away, letting you fall to the wooden boards. You cough, desperate to get it out of your body. Realizing that you cannot, you try to stand, only for him to stand above you, holding a silver knife. His eyes are wide. He is smiling. Smiling as he stands over your body. You've never seen him this terrifying before. You try to speak, gagging at the blood in your mouth.

“It’ll be quick, Rose.” He brings it against your neck as you gasp, your screaming cut off. You feel it sink into your skin, gripping it tightly. Hongjoong moves around him, crouching next to you. His eyes flick over yours, ubiquitous glee radiating from his gaze. He leans down, pressing a soft kiss against your forehead as the pain consumes you.

"y/n! Are you there? Can you hear me?" Jongho’s grip on you is tight. shaking your body over and over again.

Your hands grab his, pushing them off. He looks confused as he moves closer to you, but you cry out, backing up against the wall. The others look at you with worry, Hongjoong conveniently no longer in the room. You touch your face, wincing as your fingers brush against the cuts. When did they appear on your skin? Your eyes flick to Jongho, remembering. He killed you, her. Jongho was the one who did it.

It was never Wooyoung.

You fall to your knees, feeling him quickly move to touch you. "Get the fuck away from me!" Your head whips around, glaring. "Do not touch me, Jongho."

"y/n, I know a lot is happening right now—"

"You," your legs push you farther into the corner, eyes swelling with tears. "It was you all along. I thought it was Wooyoung, I blamed him but it was you. It was always you." The tremors through your body seem to only rise as you push through the thoughts. Your head throbs, eyes shut. "You killed her."

"Please just let me explain."

You shake your head, slowly standing. "She… you all lied. She never wanted to be like you, just like Yeosang. Both of them wanted to be human and you forced them to be like you. Because you're all fucked!" A half laugh, half gasp leaves your lips, thoughts scattered. "Why am I still here? I need to go, I need—"

"Why does every incarnation of you just never listen? Why do we have to go through this every time?" Yunho sighs, rubbing his face. "It would've been so easy if you just cooperated, y/n. It all would be easy." He slowly shuts the door behind him, the grip on his knife tightening. When did he get that? "We could've done it differently this time, my love."

The tension in the room shifts as he speaks. Wooyoung keeps his gaze low, Mingi staring at his friend. He looks furious, fists curled into themselves. “Yunho—”

“Say another word, Song, and I’ll kill you myself.”

"No one is killing anyone," Seonghwa enters the room, barely giving Yunho a glance. He looks at you, a small smile on his lips. "Want to talk? Alone?"

In all honesty you want to be left alone completely, but that will never be the case. Instead, you give him a weak nod, letting his hand slip into yours. Just as you're about to leave the room, you stop him. Whatever is happening between Mingi and Yunho, their friendship is crumbling in front of you. You just have this strange feeling that if you leave them alone something would happen. It's human nature; despite their lack of care for your own life, you care for theirs. Out of fear you avoid Jongho and Yunho's eyes, looking at Mingi.

"Can you come too?"

-

None of you say a word as you sit in the room together. Your head is tucked between your knees, breath shaky as you try to think this through. None of them will help you, you’re sure of it. Even with Mingi’s attempt, you’re sure he won’t do it as easily as before. Hongjoong might convince him otherwise. How he pulled those memories out of you, you’d never be able to explain. All of it is just so much, so heavily weighed on you. Everything is just too overwhelming.

“Do you need air?” Seonghwa asks softly, crouching in front of you. He doesn’t touch you or hold your hand and you’re thankful for it, emotions slowly taking over.

“I don’t know if I can take this anymore,” you admit, lifting your head just enough to show him your moist gaze. “My friend is dead, my parents disowned me. Seungwoo tricked me into caring about him and he’s gone now too. Yeosang is…” Your voice catches in your throat. “I have no one, Seonghwa. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone. I’m alone.”

Waiting for his reassurances, telling you that you have them, it never comes. He rests his head against the foot of the bed, barely a centimeter or so away from where you rest. Your body shakes, trembling. You wonder if he realizes that there’s nothing he could say that would convince you that you’re not in danger, that you’re safe around them. The more you think about it, he’s a part of the few who told you that they apologize for what they’ve done - despite continuously doing it. It all feels mute now. The more you try to convince yourself that everything is fine, the more you fold into your own thoughts.

Nothing is fine. You’re sure that it never was.

“Was it the change that made him do it?” You ask, “Did turning into this make him unstable? Make all of you not as you were?”

Mingi scoffs, a light laugh escaping him. “It’s like we’re experiencing the same conversation over again.”

“You should have learned from the first time. Rose warned you and yet you made her take her life because she was terrified of all of you. You did this to her, whether you’d like it or not.” All of the visions are beginning to add up. Realizations one after the other. In the end Hongjoong was right; it didn’t matter who killed Rose, or this Cassia that he mentioned. It didn’t matter because your soul would never be free if they continued this cycle. Each time you died was because you rejected one of them. Hongjoong was the first, sure, but whatever poison that infects their bloodstream made all of them the same. All of your thoughts are forming one conclusion.

You have to let them turn you.

The thought makes you ill, body shivers. It makes sense. Every rejection led to death, every single time. Even now, before this revelation, you promised yourself you’d find a way to end your life before living as a vampire. But why let your soul continue the endless torture when you can just stop it? Perhaps you would enjoy your life after this. Maybe, eventually, you’ll learn to love them, enjoy them. You did before all of this. It wasn’t hard. It was strangely easy.

You reach to the side, opening your drawer to grab a tissue. You tense up, remembering that Siyoon’s phone is no longer in its place.

“Did you listen to anything I’ve said?” Seonghwa asks, pulling you away from the drawer. “Are you alright?”

You stare at the blank space, blinking slowly. “Can we have dinner together?”

His eyes widened, looking back at Mingi before standing. “Oh, I can grab a plate for you. I think Yunho was preparing something—”

“No, I want to eat together. With everyone, if that’s okay.”

-

The room is loud. Having eight people talking all at once, laughter in the air as they speak of different things makes you forget for a moment that they aren’t evil. That you’re not safe the longer you stay here. Your resolution from before begins to crack. Are you truly okay with being one of them? The metal smell of blood seeps through the air, your stomach turning as you watch them swallow it from glasses, mixed with other strange substances. None of them mention Yeosang’s absence, the chair pushed in as they pass around miscellaneous things. You can’t help but focus on it. He’s hated his life for over a hundred years. Your heart feels like it’s sliding through your body, sinking into the old hardwood floors. It’s scary, the effect he has on you. His absence has gone through you, you’ve tried burying the thoughts but they only seem to come back into your shaky hands, consuming every waking thought.

Is this how they feel? You planned this dinner to be an intervention, to question them as to what happened to Siyoon’s device. But all you’re doing is selfishly thinking of yourself and not her. Perhaps you’re not much different from them. It’s far too late to run away. Each part of them already lives there. You wish that you had more time. Your eyes shift to Jongho. Did you love him, despite it all? The way he pressed his hand against her lips, forced her to turn. He did not do that to you, no. But would he? Would your Jongho make you choke on his blood with a tender look in his eyes as your life faded? He seems to notice your stare, round eyes meeting yours. There’s care in them, worry, hurt. Regret. The feelings are so overwhelming that you force yourself to leave his eyes, watching the others. He doesn’t look away. Is this feeling what most want? To have someone unable to look away even when you have?

“Which one of you took Siyoon’s phone from my drawer?” The table silences in an instant. You look up from your cold dinner, sliding your gaze from face to face. None of them speak up, as if you didn’t ask a question at all. You swallow slowly. “Is she dead?”

“Yes,” Jongho speaks up. The tone is careful as he whispers. “But I want you to listen to my words carefully, y/n—”

You should have known. Nothing can be good with them. Nothing. “One of you killed her.”

Jongho shakes his head, “y/n—”

“Stop! Stop making me think I’m some fucking crazy person!” You stand up from your seat, hands gripping the wooden table. Through your anger you can see how Hongjoong sips his drink silently, not saying a word. “One of you took her phone away from me and probably destroyed it before I could read what’s on it. Pretending that you didn’t hurt her in any way to keep me here. Jongho, your lies aren’t going to work this time. Not. This. Time.”

“Would you like her phone?” Hongjoong’s brow quirks. He digs into his pocket, the familiar cases appearing in his hands. Without another word, he stands, placing it in front of you. The familiar pink casing staring back at you. “Be my guest. Fair warning; you won’t enjoy what’s on there. She wasn’t the kindest person in the world.”

You ignore his warnings, immediately entering her password. The table is quiet as you look through the various apps. Nothing is out of sorts, not even her emails. Your thumb hovers over the messages, before pressing the icon. It’s filled with unread messages, most sending their sympathies and condolences. But your brows furrow at one chat, the name of it unsettling.

You open it. It’s a group chat between her and several others, many of whom you recognize as acquaintances you met through Siyoon. You read through it, each message sinking in. Insults in between jokes about you, many of which are from Siyoon herself. Endlessly complaining about you, telling the rest that she was using you for her own gain. Messages that date back to even before you met the men who sit in front of you now. Your vision begins to blur as you control to scroll, stopping at the first message in the group chat.

It was a week after you met Siyoon.

siyoon: think we can use her for better grades?

You close the phone, mouth dry. "Did you kill her?"

"No," Jongho says again. “That night, the night we met. She was with someone, they said. A Jaehyeong? I can’t remember his last name. But they were together, and he…” Jongho trails off. “It was a car accident, y/n. They both died.”

The air feels colder as you think back to the night. Leaving her with him despite the red flags. She wasn’t drunk, nor was he, but there was just something off about that night. You were too involved with yourself to think it through clearly. In fact, you’re sure that you told her to message you when she got back home. Thinking about it now, you’ve never received that text.

You don’t take their word for it, opening the web browser on her phone and typing in their names. It’s the first article of a few, a car accident that killed the lives of two innocent young adults. No alcohol in their systems. The phone slips through your fingers, face down against the table.

“How long did you know?” You ask softly. “How long?”

“Not too long after Seonghwa saw you in the bookstore,” Yunho admits, taking another sip of the drink. “We didn’t know you well enough back then, so we thought you knew of it already. It was a bit of a shocker that you didn’t up to this point. When we found the phone in your drawer, that’s when we realized where you went when we lost you in the supermarket.”

Your head slowly shakes on its own as the information sinks in. Unbeknownst to you, the rest of the men in the room exchange looks over you.

“She’s gone.” You hold your hand over your mouth, tears falling down your cheeks, dripping against the table. Seeing your friend Siyoon, her words egregious, makes you feel all but nauseous. It doesn’t change the fact that she’s gone, but it hurts knowing she felt that way about you. That you were just a tool in her life, when you thought you were more than that.

You've felt alone before, but the sinking feeling that you have not one person in this world who cares about you is utterly terrifying.

-

Hongjoong sits on the balcony, Seonghwa and San across from him. He tends to a cup of wine, sipping slowly as he looks out into the surrounding forest. He hasn’t heard from Mingi or Jongho, guiding you to your room once you’ve found out. A part of him forgot that you still had that brief connection with the woman, immediately giving the phone to Wooyoung once he found out about it. He’s thankful that you were too distraught to notice anything strange about the messages, dates and communications slightly off. But it convinced you enough, the device forgotten as you sink into your grief.

He glances at the other two across from him, lids heavy. “Would either of you care so much for a woman who insulted you and used you in your past?”

San hesitates before speaking. “They were friends, Hongjoong. She cared for her. It would be hard not to feel immense grief at the thought of losing someone that close. She will be devastated for a long time.”

He sighs, taking another sip. “Then we have to delay turning her.”

“Is this… not too far?” Seonghwa asks, already predicting his answer. “She has lost her friends, family. You never told us you would manipulate her thoughts that way. Now she believes that her family hated her.”

He merely shrugs, “They would have anyway once they saw their daughter as one of us. Her parents were quite traditional. She hid every relationship from them in fear of their rejection. Ours wouldn’t have been much different.”

“And Yeosang, then? Will we continue to force them apart?”

“Of course not, hyung.” It’s a farce in itself, knowing that Hongjoong is thousands of years older than he is. “Do you truly consider me that mad?” He rolls his eyes. “I told Yeosang to come home whenever he likes. He is the only one preventing himself from entering these doors. He’s afraid of what she might say to him. Not unwarranted — she did see him at his lowest. It would be a bit hard for her to see him without imagining that blood covering his body.”

“I just don’t understand,” San stands from his spot. “How will all of this make her want to be one of us? She’s just brewing in her hurt now. It’s worse than Rose now. There’s no chance she’d agree, or live that long to accept herself.”

“You never think of the bigger picture, San. She is hurting so badly now, thoughts darker and more vulnerable. Now she really has no one but us. There's no need to convince her because she'll come to the conclusion herself." He grins, leaning further back in his seat. "And I will be waiting with open arms."

-

Wooyoung wipes the blood against his jeans, some of it sticking to the underside of his nails. They haven't killed anyone; their thoughts wiped as they stumble down the street, told to go back to their homes. He slumps himself onto the bench. After being turned he considered himself a less caring man. He knows it, more than the others tell him. But seeing you so defeated… it made him feel filthy. No amount of blood draining helps him forget the distant look in your eyes. You looked so alone. It reminded him of his former life; abandoned and distraught. He knows that if Seonghwa didn't find him sooner, he wouldn't have survived for much longer.

He lifts his hands, staring at his palms. Is this what they've become? Shells of their former selves? Losing you devastated him. He could remember the murder sprees they went on, full of grief. Not caring who or what they killed. So consumed with turmoil for years. He thought that when he saw you again, his peach, it would be okay again. You would love him as you did before with ease, care for him. But it just feels the opposite. That he's trying to convince you to give him a chance.

He leans his head back, staring at the night sky. It's a bit colder now despite the change in seasons, the summer breeze chilly.

He scoffs, rubbing his face.

Maybe he is completely delusional.

-

Your knees are tucked close to your chest. You're not sure if you can cry anymore, body exhausted from the hours of sobbing. You stare at the door, knowing that even if they're giving you space, you couldn't do anything without them knowing. Their hearing far supersedes yours. It wouldn't surprise you if your heart beat is being listened to. You close your eyes for a moment.

You have nothing. Just them, just their endless and unconditional affection. No friends, no family. Not even a slip of a memory that Rose could give you. Nothing.

It's scary to think about.

"I want to see him." You whisper.

It pains you to even think of his face, but you need to see him. You need him to tell you that he's there. That he won't abandon you when you make your choice.

"Please."

-

Mingi stands outside the abandoned cemetery. His hand grips the rusted gate, chest tight. It's funny that he could feel it despite his heart no longer functioning at all. All of them know where he went. It's hard not to when they're all so in tune to each other. But here? The place that Mingi avoided with everything that he had. The place they buried their beautiful Rose. He takes a long breath, taking slow steps inside. Her grave isn't too far away from the entrance, but it makes him want to break down the closer he gets. He spots Yeosang not too far off, sitting in a folded chair, eyes glued to her grave.

He wears the same outfit he left home that night. Clothing still stained with dried blood, ripped every which way. Smell putrid, nauseating if Mingi were a human. But he's used to the smell of the dead. It's a smell that appears when they haven't fed or moved in a while. None of them really let themselves get that far into decaying, but Yeosang does quite often. A form of self torture, Mingi thinks. A method that he once used when he let his thoughts take over.

"That's something you and y/n have in common. Never say a word until I speak up," Yeosang says. His voice sounds hoarse. This is probably the first time he's said a word aloud in weeks; deeper tone much more so. He doesn't move though, back still facing Mingi as he makes his way over. "I'm not going back if that's what you're here for."

"We want to make sure you're okay."

"Right. They wouldn't send you if they did care."

"You know we care, Yeosang. Don't start with that," Mingi knows he's partially correct. Hongjoong planned on coming himself but Mingi insisted it be him. Wooyoung was usually the first to break Yeosang. Mingi never really understood how to speak to him. They're friends, sure. Family. But he and Yeosang aren't as close as the others. There's often silence when they're together. Comforting, but quiet. "I wanted to come."

"Did you." A statement, more than a question.

"It's been weeks, Yeo."

“And it’s usually years before one of you decides to come find me.”

Mingi sighs, “You know it’s different this time.”

“Ah yes. This time you have your Rose, and you want everything to be perfect for her. My apologies for messing things up again. Tell Hongjoong I give him my condolences.”

“She’s not just mine.”

“No, she’s his. She’s always been his. Alas, I have forgotten,” He rolls his eyes, “What do you believe is holding us together after all these years? And if there is any answer other than her, it’s a lie. We’ve all desired in different ways, what we would do if she came back to us. And now that she’s here, everyone is only caring about their own feelings. Have you not considered hers? Do hers matter in the grand scheme of things? Do we truly want her for as she is now, or how she was before?

“You think we don’t care?”

“Not necessarily. I think you care for a woman who’s no longer there. What do you know of her now that isn’t something from before? Wooyoung called her peach with such ease, Hongjoong called her his sea. Nothing that we have done thus far is for the woman in front of us now. We have wrecked her life so that we ourselves can live in a falsehood. The only reason we still tolerate each other after decades of fighting is because we have her as the reward at the end. You may consider me wrong, fine. But I’m not deluded into this fantasy that you’ve all formed.”

Mingi looks at Yeosang sitting on the rock. He looks tired for an immortal, eyes heavy, skin paler from lack of blood supply. It’s strange that despite all his words Mingi can tell that he loves her. He was never this passionate about Rose, never this protective over her well-being. In a bizarre way, the man sitting in front of him may love you more entirely. No one fights for a life this desperately without love.

“You adore her, don’t you, Yeo?” Mingi asks softly. His brows seem to furrow in pain at the question, mouth opening and closing. He takes a long breath, gaze on the city in front of them. “What will you do, then? Let us turn her?”

“... I can’t stop it.”

“You’d give up so easily?” Mingi’s brow lifts.

“Have you? You tell me to do something you know I cannot, and complain about me being resigned in my position? And make it into my problem when you're as concerned as I?" He scoffs, sinking deeper into his seat. "Mingi, you've lived long and have known me well enough to not ask stupid questions."

"I'm accepting it because I don't see another way," he admits. "You wish to no longer be immortal, but I can't imagine not being one. I can't imagine being a human again. And I can't imagine losing her because of it. It's horrid, no need to look at me like that."

Yeosang tries to fix his expression, only twisting further into silent disgust. He looks away from his friend. The sky seems more interesting than the conversation they're having. "I'm glad you know how stupid you sound."

"I know. Might be because we're all slowly falling into our madness without you around."

"Shiny words won't make me come back."

"...She needs you, Yeosang. More than you know. I think you're the only one who can pull her out of this."

"Nothing you say is going to make me want to come back—"

"She asked for you."

Yeosang is silent. It feels like a lifetime has passed when he speaks up again.

"Lying is a sin."

"Then my words must make me all the more blessed."

Yeosang grips the railing, "Did she truly, Mingi? You aren't fibbing this time? Hongjoong didn't put you up to this?"

"No. Yeosang, you're a fuck-up just like the rest of us. But she loves you. She wouldn't give up on you."

Yeosang sucks in a breath, turning back to the grave. He lifts his hand, as if to reach out. Instead, it limply falls back to his knee.

"I love her, Mingi. I love y/n, I probably love her more than I've ever loved Rose. And it fucking terrifies me," he runs his fingers through his hair, only causing it to stick up more. "I can't see her because I will break down. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't forgive me. I don't even deserve to be forgiven for killing all of those people. I—" He looks at Mingi, eyes glazed over with a pink tint. "I would try to turn her right then and there to make her forget."

“You wouldn’t.”

“And I would have believed that before everything happened. Now I’m not too sure. It might be what Hongjoong is banking on. Me losing control like I always do. I can’t, Mingi. I can’t see her when I’m like this,” he glances down at himself, thumbing his soiled clothes. “Even more so with this on me. It’ll just remind her of what I’ve done.”

“One, you’re not going to hurt her,” Mingi holds up his hand when he sees Yeosang opening his mouth. “And two, take a shower?”

"Mingi…"

"Prolonging it will only make it worse in the end. Don't be a fool, Yeosang. We already have enough of those around us, including me."

Yeosang turns back to the headstone, a solemn look on his face. "Rose would strangle us all if she knew what we're doing. In moments like this, I cannot help but miss her presence. She was often kind but stern with her words. I am sure all of us would have been scolded to the ends of the Earth."

Mingi's lips curve into a small smile. "We'd leave with burning ears and ringing heads."

Yeosang laughs then, shaking his head. His smile slips again, swallowing slowly. "I'll think about it, Mingi. I know you're not lying, and she requested me. But though she is ready, I'm not. Not yet."

"Then I will stay with you until you are."

"You don't have to do that," he glances at him. "I know you dread this place."

Mingi only sinks to his knees next to his friend, resting against the side of the large rock. Yeosang does not discourage him, allowing him to join as they stare at the stone.

At their Rose.

-

You can't remember how much time has passed. Sadness burdens your soul, your feet dragging against the tiles, barely acknowledging anyone who passed by. Holding back your tears each time you think of your friend. It's enough that you've broken down in front of them, it would be silly for it to happen over and over again. Your pride speaking, but it's all you have left.

You feel the air shift as you're shifting your blankets on the bed. Your grip tightens when you sense someone standing at the doorway. They've announced themselves each time, but this feels much different. You slowly let go of the sheets, turning around. His hair is in disarray, baggy sweats covering him. Eyes bloodshot, skin paler than usual. Frightened as well, hand gripping the doorway, fingers almost digging into the wood. His body trembles, lip between his teeth as he stares.

"Yeosang?" Your voice is rough, eyes moist.

His smile is slight, swallowing slowly.

"Hi, pretty."

He steps inside, sliding his hand against the wall. He stops when he's on the far opposite wall, glancing around your room. It's in as much disarray as he looks. Clothes thrown everywhere, items in the wrong places. His eyes stay on the window briefly, the bars against it making his brows furrow for a moment, before relaxing.

"I heard about your friend."

You slowly nod, sinking into the mattress. "It hurts, Yeo."

"I know." His head tilts. "It must hurt plenty."

"Unbelievably so," you whisper, looking away from him. "I think… I should be used to hurting. It's happened for a while now. But everytime I think about it I just, I can't. I never got to say goodbye."

"You love her."

You force out a laugh, "Yeah, despite all of the shit I read. I can't help but still love her. I have so many questions I can't ask and it feels like… I don't know."

"A hole. One you can't ever fill because she's gone," he rests his hands above where his heart should be, blinking slowly. "And you relive the moment you last saw her over and over again in your head, trying to make sense of it all but you can't because grief is just too hard."

The familiar tightness in your chest twists inside of you as he speaks. He looks at you, understanding. You can't respond, a sob waiting to escape.

"Tell me where it hurts, pretty. You can point to it if you want."

You hover your hand over your chest, lightly resting it against your skin. Yeosang takes a slow step toward you. He's still trembling, one hand tucked into his pocket. He looks at you before he touches you, a silent question in his eyes. You nod, and he places his hand upon yours. It's quite cold in comparison to yours, the beating of your heart filling your ears.

Kang Yeosang slowly crouches in front of you, gaze and head moving to meet your eyes. "I'm here."

It's enough for the sob to leave your mouth, your hand entwining with his as you let go. You've found it so hard to walk through everyday, you dreaded the moments when you were alone. Your grief grew so heavy inside of you it felt as if you were becoming numb. But he says two words to you with such ease, and you fall apart.

It utterly terrifies you.

Hours must have passed, the exhaustion of your sadness guiding you back beneath your sheets. Yeosang does not dare touch you, but he stays just a couple of feet away, Head resting on his forearm as he watches you from your bed. Neither of you have said a word for quite a while now. You wonder if he is waiting for you to speak up, or will he do it on his own. There's several questions you'd like to ask, but now being with him, you no longer have the will to.

He adjusts himself in the cushion seat, pushing strands away from his forehead. "I could remember the first night that I lost Rose. I was inconsolable. All of them were too stricken with their own grief to help me with mine which I cannot blame. I starved myself over and over again to the brink of becoming solidified, but one of them fed me blood, enough to keep me alive. After about a decade or so… I expressed my grief in a way I hate to speak about. One that you witnessed not too long ago," His eyes shift to yours. "There is no right way to process it, but there are wrong ways. I have taken the wrong path more times than I can count. Sorry wouldn't work in a situation like this."

You can't speak up, the blood covered hall flashing in your memory. You've suppressed enough so that you're able to sleep, at least. "Do you often express extreme emotions this way?" You ask.

He covers his face with his hands. "I haven't in decades. This is… an outlier. I shouldn't have done it, but seeing you there in the midst of it all, it made me realize how far I've lost myself. I let my mind sink into the primal urges. I let myself get that bad, y/n. Forgiveness is not what I can ask of you, and neither could I tell their families I was the one who broke them." He swallows slowly. "I can remember their faces, the glimpses of fear. And it hurts to say that I cannot give much remorse because I know of what they've done. I know the lives that were lost because of their greed. Their faces are burned into my mind. Each and every life I took."

A pause.

"I am the monster I've always thought I was."

Comfort is not what you can offer in this situation, nor forgiveness. Trusting the judicial system is not something you believe in either, but neither is mass murder. You can only nod, shifting your eyes away from him. "You made a decision that you thought was right at the time. I cannot fault you for it." What the hell are you saying? He murdered people. You should be running out that door, not chatting it up. But all your mind could think of is helping him. Letting him know you're not giving up on him.

Perhaps he isn't the only monster in the room.

"I wish I could hate you," you confess. "I really wish I could sit here and say that I hate you and I want to never see you again. And I hate it even more that I can't. I can't hate you, Yeosang," you whisper. "You've lived a life you never wanted, you've done things because of it. It's inexcusable, but it's not surprising given the circumstances."

"y/n…" He starts, but you interrupt.

"All I can think about is that you're safe, Yeo. You're back, and you're safe. And I get to see you again. I don't know what to do about what you've done, but I'm just happy that you're here with me. That you didn't leave me."

"We're both a little fucked in the head, aren't we?"

You snort at the harsh words. “A little is an understatement.”

He leans back, staring at you. It’s not an uncomfortable silence, until he notices you look away, rubbing your arms. He closes his eyes, humming. “Mingi came to me. Told me to come back.”

“Where were you?”

His lip lifts, “At Rose’s grave. We don’t often visit it because of the harsh memories, but I like to. Gives me a chance to clear my head, think things through.”

“You can speak to the dead?”

He laughs, “No. I can speak to a stone though. She’s likely scolding us for how we’re acting.”

“Would she?”

He nods immediately. “No hesitation. She hated when we did stupid things, moreso things like this. I wouldn’t believe alive if she were here. She would…” he paused for a moment. “She would hate what we’ve done to you.”

Your smile fades the same time as his, the room shifting into a silence. It’s not as comfortable as before, his words forcing you to confront what’s happening right in front of you.

-

“She trusts him.”

“It was broken when she saw him hurt those people.”

“Was it really broken? Do you truly believe that she would ask for him to see her if it were true?”

“Then what do you want me to do, San? Stop them from seeing each other? I’ve done that endlessly, since the beginning. And it’s like it no longer matters because she will find a way to see him again. It’s just as it was before. Trying to separate them will only lead to her end. And I’m not sure if I can handle losing her again,” Wooyoung shakes his head slowly. “I’m not sure any of us could handle it again.”

“What do you propose?” San swallows slowly. Wooyoung doesn’t notice how San’s voice weakens a bit, glancing flicking up before looking back at him. “Joong isn’t going to be happy. He wants there to be difficulty in reconciling between them. But they’re inside chatting it up as if nothing happened.”

Wooyoung glances up from his spot on the bench, the curtains to your room closed. It’s been a while since Yeosang came back, the two of you inside the room for several hours now. Despite having the ability to listen he didn’t this time, knowing that it would hurt you even more. Getting on your good side is hard, but he’s willing to do whatever it takes. And if that means being unable to interfere with Yeosang, then so be it.

“I’m not going to do it.”

“Wooyoung…”

“San, I’m not doing this anymore. I can’t. She already hates me for doing it before.”

“Then this won’t change anything.”

Wooyoung slowly shakes his head, “San…”

“Do you expect her to just forgive you? She’s not going to forgive the man who destroyed her love’s life. You turned Yeosang, remember? You were the one who made him this way because of your jealousy. She saw it in her head. She won’t forget it.”

Wooyoung presses his hands over his ears, nails digging into his scalp. “San, please—”

“She won’t ever love you.”

“Stop!” Wooyoung stands, pushing past his friend and entering the house. He disappears within an instant, leaving him alone to stand outside. San’s express drops, fingers dragging through the loose strands that frame his face. His eyes flick up to Hongjoong’s balcony. Said man stands there, tending to a cigarette. His grin is wide as he looks at San, a light laugh escaping him.

San could only give him a pathetic smile back and enters the house a few seconds after Wooyoung.

-

The conversation with Yeosang ended there with him mumbling an excuse to leave. You confronted him just as he was about to go, your eyes asking if this were the last time you’d see him. He pressed his lips to your knuckles just then, a soft I won’t leave you anymore falling from his lips before he disappeared down the hall. And he kept his promise since then.

You left your room often now, the others roaming around the hallways. Vastly different from before, greetings exchanged, laughs echoed. It was as comfortable as it could be. You even laughed at something Jongho said to Mingi while they were arguing, and his eyes lit up at the sound. Sure, it was brief and you immediately shifted your gaze, but it was something to him. And if that was the beginning of you forgiving him, he was going to accept it.

Surprisingly, to everyone else and yourself, you slowly began speaking to Hongjoong. At first it was very brief, good mornings and goodnights in the beginning. But now, you let him sit beside you while a movie played in the living room. You even let him serve you dinner. Astonishing, the others knowing that his cooking skills were sub-par in comparison to so many of the other men. Hongjoong took it well, each step in your relationship seemed to build it closer to a good one.

You, of course, did not feel the same.

Each building block is a seed planted in his head. To bring you closer to him, so that he trusts you. Trust you enough to where you can get close.

Close enough to kill him.

The plan isn’t foolproof, you’re sure there’s a part of him that suspects it’s a ruse. There’s no forgetting the dozens of times you’ve told him that you would never be anything to him, that you’ll hate him as long as you live. But maybe if you go slow, if you let a few months pass, you’ll convince even him. It’s a long shot, no telling, but you have to try.

It’s been a couple of months now living with them. You thought you’d hate every moment being there, but unfortunately, that’s not the case. Your laughter and humor is real, the smiles you exchange with everyone are genuine. More often than not you remind yourself why you’re still there, what you’re doing. But most days you forget, enjoying your time spent with them. How easily have you fallen underneath their web.

“Another?” Mingi whines, scrolling through his calendar. “I thought we limited shows to Fridays only?”

“Unlike you,” Yunho wiggles his finger. “Some of us like to feed more than once a week.”

“Then I can stay?” his eyes brighten, only to be shut down by Hongjoong entering the room.

“No, you can’t. Jongho needs someone to guard with him and make sure things are okay while we’re feeding. And you stayed home with my sea last week.”

Mingi throws his head back in utter agony, pout deepening. You watch them, eating your apple. Wooyoung gave up on buying peaches and you’re more than thankful for his change of heart. Hongjoong leans against the wall, glancing at you. There’s something there, something you can’t quite decipher.

“But no one has fed in a while. Any of us,” San points out, glancing around the room. “We should all go.”

“You all can go,” Hongjoong says, shrugging. “I’ll stay with y/n. We have some things to discuss.”

The others look at you, questions in their eyes. You’ve immediately learned their different expressions. These are of worry, and confusion. You don’t trust Hongjoong, you never will… But you know he wouldn’t kill you. At least, not right now. You hope.

“Fine with me,” you continue to eat your snack. “I’ll see you all later, then?”

Mingi’s dragged out of the seat by Yunho, the others slowly disappearing to their designated rooms, getting dressed for the concert. Hongjoong lingers in the kitchen with you, humming. He opens the fridge, tsking at the lack of food inside. “I told Seonghwa to go shopping.”

“No big deal,” you murmur. “I’ll be going out soon enough with him. It was supposed to be today, but I guess it’ll happen tomorrow.” The others pass by again, waving goodbye as they leave. Eventually the two of you are alone, Hongjoong exiting the kitchen.

“Didn’t you want to speak to me about something?” you ask just as he’s about to disappear down the hallway. He glances back, shaking his head.

“I just wanted to be alone with you. A bit greedy, that’s all,” he flicks his brows up, waving goodbye. “Have a good night, my sea.” With that, he exits, leaving you alone in the kitchen. It's an open invitation to follow.

One that you take.

You close the door behind you to his room. You haven't entered it at all. It's similar in size to everyone else's, his bed slighter larger in comparison, a balcony just a few steps away from it. He moves quickly, pressing you against the door frame. Your breath hitches, his lips trailing along the back of your neck.

“Do you even like me?”

Hongjoong’s hand slides up your arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. He turns you around. He rests just below your cheek, tilting your head towards him so as to guide your gaze to his. Despite how warm his eyes look, you can see the tightness in his jaw, the resolute tilt of his lips. He blinks slowly, humming as his thumb trails along your face. “Shall I slay every person who has ever looked at you with disdain to prove it?”

You laugh, though knowing the truth behind his words. There’s no doubt in your mind that he would in fact listen if you asked him to do so. But you play it off as if he’s facetious, shaking your head. “I asked if you liked me, not for you to murder in my name.”

“I would give you anything, my sea. Of course I like you.”

You wonder if he believes his own words.

“I’m just waiting for you to say you like me.”

“Unlikely,” you snort, placing your hand on his. You hear his breath hitch, eyes flicking to your touch. You never noticed how easily it was to make him off balance, lose his nonchalance. There has been endless doubt on how much you afflicted Hongjoong, but there is little now. You would just have to persuade him that you do care, even if it is a mere fraction of his. With that in mind you move yourself off the door and walk to the mattress, ignoring the beating of your heart, nerves coating your palms as you wipe them against your thighs. You sit on the edge, his speed quickly. In a moment, he's sitting on the edge with you.

Hongjoong watches you in curious silence. Just as he’s about to leave forward, you lift your leg, straddling him. He looks up at you in mild surprise, lips parting and shutting. Leaving Kim Hongjoong astounded? Perhaps you are good at this manipulation game.

You lean forward, palms resting on either side of his face. Just a breath apart. You stare at his face, taking in each part of him. The scar of his brow, the light moles adorning his skin. The soft curve of his lips. He is beautiful, no doubt.

“I do like you, Kim Hongjoong. Despite how out of your mind you are.”

His hands go to rest on your thighs, lids heavy as he stares at you. His smile rises, gaze now on your lips. “I’ve lived with you for many lives. Each one different from the next. I’ve known your soul longer than you've known yourself. It's fairly easy to know when you’re being deceitful.”

You ignore how your body shivers as his hands travel to your hips, squeezing slightly. It’s a game he’s played for thousands of years, while you’ve only known him for less than a percentage of that. But one thing you do know: you are his weakness.

“How can I prove it?” You ask, leaning closer. Your nose brushes against Hongjoong, a shuddered breath escaping his lips. His grip tightens on your hips, pressing you harshly against him. He presses against your lower stomach, hard against your softer skin.

“You tell me.”

"Have you ever…?" You trail off.

He rolls his eyes. "I've fucked before, love. Just never with you. Something always seemed to get in the way. You dying, mostly. But I have never made love." His lip brushes against your forehead.

"I don't love you," You murmur, and he only laughs.

"Even you aren't a good enough liar to convince me otherwise. But all I ask is one thing from you." He watches your gaze, hand dragging along your body, before touching your face. “I want you to be mine,” his fingers release your chin, slowly wandering along the outline of your jaw.

“All yours?” you breathe.

“Mine,” he agrees with a whisper so low that you feel it all the way down to your pelvis. His hand suddenly slips downward to firmly grasp the back of your neck, pressure light. “Let me be yours.” The feelings that stir in you now as his head tilts to the side and he wets his bottom lip are separate from anything that may be fearful — and that’s the thought that terrifies you. There’s no use in saying that you’re not attracted to him; you always have been. The realization that you're beneath him now, after so long of resisting and fighting the temptation — you can’t deny the frantic pounding of your heart. And you wouldn't be able to fib in the slightest, Hongjoong can feel it as it goes anyway.

“You’ve tortured me for so long,” he leans closer to you, free hand resting on the side of your body, trapping you beneath him. “I have to admit that I’m shocked to see you beneath me this way. Is this unwanted?” he asks softly, eyes flicking between yours. “Despite my desires, I wouldn’t want this to be forced.”

You have an agenda. And a small part of you feels as if he might know what it is. But the way he’s looking at you now, a glimmer of hope shines beneath it.

“No,” you reply. With that, he takes your mouth with his own. His soft lips press ardently against yours, desire spilling each time he slightly pulls away. Your hands slide into his hair, body relaxing into the mattress. You part your lips, his tongue seeking out yours whilst he grabs a hold of your thigh to drag both your legs closer to him He lies himself on top of you, and all the while his darkened eyes never once leave yours, his jaw tensed but breathing heavy.

As Hongjoong delves back in, his tongue rolls inside your mouth and he lets out a low-pitched groan, your body arching up into his palm that begins to fondle your breast through your shirt. He sucks your bottom lip between his teeth, tugging harshly as his hand grips the top of your shirt. Fabric rips and exposes your bra, he scoops your breast from the cup, a relieved sigh escaping him.

“You're so soft.”

“Joong,” you whimper, front teeth sinking deep into your lip, fingers grabbing at the soft white cotton that covers his shoulders.

Hongjoong's face lightens up at the sound of his name escaping your lips, dipping to his head to encircle the entirety of your nipple with his mouth. He sucks, gently circling his tongue around and smiling when you moan.

His warm hand reaches for the opposite side of your chest and cups you, switching his mouth to the other, biting and tugging. Just as you're about to say his name again he presses himself into you, his hardness pushing harshly into your pelvis. He doesn’t stop sucking until you're twisting on the bed.

“In awe," you hear him say. You meet his eyes, “You haven't the slightest inkling how long I've waited for you, my sea. I wish I could spend all night with you. Unfortunate that you have to be somewhere in the morning.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion. "Where—"

He interrupts, slowly lifting your shirt up and over your head, hand only giving a slight tug to your pants, the tear echoing through the air as he tosses them to the side. You could only pout, your pile of fabric, one of your favorite sleepwears.

"I'll give you the world, y/n. No need to worry about a couple of pieces of clothing." Unlike the others you have been with, his touch is softer, slowly rubbing the plushness of your thighs, lips trailing delicate, wet kisses against the skin.

“Please,” you moan softly, peering down. Hongjoong looks up with a devilish curl to his lips, his smile to die for.

“Yes?” he replies, mock innocence coating his gaze.

“Please touch me, Joong.”

After having fought against Hongjoong’s yearning for you for close to a year, it feels more than off to let these words escape your lips. Your body is practically on display beneath him, his lids heavy with lust as they take you in. He seems to enjoy the moment differently than you, for many reasons you'd rather not dwell on for long. Hee slides it down to the middle of your legs, hot breath tickling your skin. You can feel how your underwear clings to you because of your arousal, almost forgotten from how his eyes seem to want to take you apart.

“All for me?” he groans as his fingertips slip into you, pressing kisses to the angle of your jaw. “So wet.” Hongjoong traces the outline of you, brushing teasingly over your clit. “I must admit, it feels good knowing this is all for me.”

You say nothing, only meeting his eyes with want in your gaze. He licks his lips, head tilting slightly as he stares at you.

“I know, my sea. I always knew.”

He knows nothing.

He hooks his finger on the fabric lining your hips, a quick tug ripping it with ease. You throb at the act. His body pressed to yours and his fingers hovering so close to you —

How easy it is to succumb to him.

"I've been waiting centuries, lovely," Hongjoong whispers against your skin. "It's made me a bit needy, you know. But I need to know if you want me as I want you. y/n," his hand raises to your face, tilting it so that you meet his gaze. "Do you want me?"

Making the decision to go through with this, to let him take you now — some part of you knows it isn't the wisest decision. It will only make your choice of killing him more difficult down the line. But if this is what it takes to have Hongjoong believe your every word, you'll do it. An even smaller part of you knows that despite everything, you want this. You want him. It feels as if hours have passed of your silence, Hongjoong neither getting closer to the center of you or moving his hand from your face. He waits patiently, just as he has waited for a time incomprehensible to you.

"I want you, Kim Hongjoong."

You see the shift in his gaze in an instant. His brown irises slowly fade, eyes glistening over to a pure white. The sight doesn't scare you as much as it entices you. If you weren't in the heat of the moment you'd scold yourself at how ridiculous you're being.

His fingers slowly rub circles into your clit, pressure increases each time he makes each round. Your hips grind into the movements, a silent plea for him to pick up the pace. He doesn't of course, the devilish grin of his widening as he studies you. You've noticed that he's rarely ever left your gaze, as if memorizing this moment, solidifying this as your choice. And it is, in the end. He's asked several times if you want him. If it's a manipulation technique you aren't the wiser.

You feel his middle finger slip next to the first, lightly squeezing your clit, picking up speed and you let out a low moan, head tipping back, finally breaking the stare.

"All for me," he whispers. "Don't hide your moans from me, my sea. I know it feels good, yeah. Want more?" One of his fingers slips down, dragging around the outline of your entrance. He dips it in barely a centimeter, a stifled laugh escaping him when he sees you clench. "Do you?"

“Please.”

He clicks his tongue, running his fingers back up to your clit, pressing down, hard. You cover your mouth with your hand, unable to control the sounds he pulls from you.

"Ah ah," He moves it away, pressing his lips to your fingers briefly. "If I could listen to the others take you, they can listen to us. They all hear us, you know. Amplified hearing comes with the territory."

Despite how your heart races, you clench at the thought of the others listening, Hongjoong's gaze flicking between your legs.

"Oh, you enjoy that, huh? Enjoy us listening to you have sex with someone else, thinking about us coming to your moans with someone else's cock inside of you?" He presses his lips against your stomach. "Wooyoung and Mingi like it the most. They're probably touching themselves right now listening to us." You clench again. "How filthy of my pretty sea."

"Joong—"

He slips two fingers inside of you. "Tsk, so impatient."

Hongjoong is halfway down the sofa, face placed between your legs. Palms flat against the inside of your thighs to spread you wide, his nose dug deep into, a cry escaping from your throat when his mouth covers your clit. You feel his tongue circle it slowly, your fists tightening. The pleasure is all-encompassing — he sucks noisily at the sensitive nub, your fists unclenching and finding themselves in his hair, pushing him closer into you.

He licks at you hungrily, your gaze flicking to his free hand slipping inside his own pants. “Fuck…” he whispers against you, diving back in as soon as the word leaves his mouth. He groans, the flat of his tongue pressed to your entrance as his face slowly rocks from side to side.

“Please,” the feeling of him takes over, your hips rising to meet each swipe of his tongue. The impending release is near, enough so that you’re not able to warn him. Your body trembles, your fingers gripping his hair so tightly you’re sure you’ve pulled out a few strands, his tongue continuing to lap at your core. It starts to linger into the range of oversensitivity, your hands pulling away from his hair and instead, hips moving away from his tongue. He chases you, pushing himself deeper into you.

“I can’t—” you say, but the words seem to go into one ear and out the other. He continues to lick, lips wrapped around your clit. He refuses to let go even as you lean up, his hands gripping your thighs, unmoving. “Hongjoong—” your eyes finally meet his.

They’re completely white as they stare at you. You can see the lift of his cheeks, smiling into you as he sucks. His hands move from your thighs to your hips, pulling you closer into his mouth. He lifts it for just a moment, enough to say one word. “No.”

The break is brief. Hongjoong covers your clit with his plush lips once more, sucking hard. He continues like this for over a minute, watching as tears stain your cheeks. The oversensitivity slowly molds into pleasure, your hips humping against his mouth. Your chest rises and falls, your peak coming much quicker this time. He pushes three fingers into you in an instant, a scream escaping you. He chuckles into you, his mouth finally away from your clit.

“Come for me, my sea. I want to see you come again for me,” he whispers. He doesn’t touch your clit, fingers pumping in and out of you with abandon, the sounds echoing around the room. “Come on, I know you can do it.”

You feel the pads of his fingers touch the spot inside of you, your breath hitching. He keeps them there, rubbing quickly against the rough patch. In an instant your thighs clasp his hand within you, humping violently as you lose yourself. He leans against your stomach, resting his head against your plush skin, watching you.

“Never thought you would be prettier, but look at you. Coming all over me, fucking my fingers.”

You can’t respond to his words, eyes closed as you try to come down from your high. He pulls his fingers out, the sound of him sucking them alluring, but not enough to open your eyes. He pulls you closer to him, finger dragging back to your clit. You pull back in an instant, eyes flicking open. He laughs, grin stretching across his cheeks.

“Already done?”

“Too much…” you swallow. He moves away from your clit at your words, placing his hand just above your chest where your heart lies. He moves up from your legs, head falling on the mattress, eyesight steady with yours. Despite how blown out his eyes are, despite how you can clearly see how aroused he is by the hardness pressed against your upper thigh, he hums, expression softening.

“Okay?” he whispers. For some reason the way he’s looking at you, the love in his eyes… it bothers you. Not because it’s ingenuine, you can see how real the look is. It terrifies you that the look calms you down, settles your heart. That you yearn for him to look at you again just as softly, as kind.

The voice deep in the back of your mind telling you that this wasn’t the smartest idea.

But of course, you ignore it. Out of selfishness or greed, you're not too sure. Hongjoong’s fingers stroke your cheek, humming when you lean into his touch. “You’re pretty,” he murmurs, thumb wiping the tear that falls down. “Even when you cry.”

He leans forward, lips covering yours. The touch is softer, you can feel the emotion he draws into it, tongue lightly flicking yours, the taste of you filling your mouth. Suddenly it’s sweeter, almost strawberry like as you continue to kiss. You don’t notice how you suddenly take the lead, sucking his lips, entering his mouth. He giggles at your movements, hands moving to pull your hips closer against his.

“Taste good?” he pulls away, laughing.

Your cheeks warm when you’ve realized what you’ve done, pulling away. A string of saliva parting your lips. He pecks you quickly, head back against the sheets. “Hm?”

Realizing he asked you a question, you furrow your brows. “How’d you do that?”

His eyes roll, “I’m a vampire, I can do anything I’d like.”

“You’re so fucking annoying.” You frown, and his laugh is even louder.

“And yet here you are,” he moves from his spot to hover over you. He’s pulled off his pants and briefs before you’ve realized it, the length of him resting against your stomach. He grinds it lightly into you, lip between his teeth. “Here you are under me, wanting me.” Holding himself up with one hand, he uses the other to squeeze himself, the sight making your mouth water.

“Thought you were done?” his brows raise, amusement coating his expression. “Unless you want more?” He moves away from you, sliding off the bed. He holds his cock in his hand, languidly stroking it as he stares at you. “Want to taste me?”

Your eyes flick up from his movements to look at his face. His brow raised, he waits for a response. Seemingly unable to respond, he moves closer, body leaning over so he’s directly in your line of sight. “I said, do you want to taste me, my sea?”

You nod, and he moves even closer, hand cupping your chin. You open your mouth now, “I do.”

He nods, letting go. “Go ahead.”

He moves slowly, steps closer and closer to you. Though he seems to be calm, you can see the way eagerness lines his features. He pulls off his shirt, tossing it to the side. You notice a few scars and tattoos on his body, a belly button piercing shining at you in the lower light. His fingers wrap around the base. He’s longer than you thought, but not as thick as you’ve once experienced. Still, your mouth can’t help but water.

“Open, pretty,” he murmurs. You open your mouth slightly, jaw lax. He rests his head against your lips, bending his cock toward you. He lets it sit there for a moment, his breaths heavy, precum coating your lips. His eyes stare at your mouth as he finally enters your mouth inch by inch, moaning when he finally enters. He continues, stopping when you gag. He twitches against your tongue, your eyes watering as you look up at him. His eyes seem to be glossed over, holding your head as he moves out. He moves slowly, in and out, hips rocking back and forth between your lips. You suck and lick, guarding your teeth to make sure you don’t hurt him, the weight of him against your tongue and angling your throat so that he can enter even more.

He groans, speed increasing. “You take me so well, look so good with my cock in your mouth.” Hongjoong pushes your head against him, your nose pressed to his pubic bone. He moves back a bit as you choke, whispering okays and telling you you’re taking him so well. Your hands wrap around his thighs as he fucks your mouth, your throat burning. You feel yourself clenching around nothing. He moves quicker, grinding into your mouth. Your hand reaches down to touch yourself.

He pulls out immediately, grabbing your wrist gently. He clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “Only I get to touch you my sea.” He lets go, lightly nudging you back against the sheets. “Ready for me.”

“Fuck, yes,” you utter, and he only laughs.

“Scream loud for me, so the others know you’re being cared for well,” he grins. Hongjoong’s hips move forward into you without hesitation. Just as a moan tries to escape, he wraps his hand around your throat. His eyes stay on yours, looking to see if you’re uncomfortable. But all he sees is your eyes rolling back, his excitement increasing. He presses his lips against your cheek, moving to the side of your face, just next to your ear.

“Feel good, pretty? You like me inside of you, like me making love to you,” he bites your earlobe, pulling away. “You feel so good, so relaxed for me. Perfect.” Hongjoong eases himself out to slowly to sink back in, moving at a slower pace, the witch of his cock as it glides between your walls. “I’ve waited so long for this, Ca… y/n.”

His hips stutter as he gradually builds speed, grunting each time your hips collide. You reach for anything, deciding on wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He doesn’t resist, his chest pressed against yours, lips meeting one another’s. You’re too consumed with pleasure to notice the slip of tongue. He drives his cock into you, angling his hips directly at your g-spot. He releases your throat, one of his hands reaches for the headboard, driving into you harder, ”You take it so well.”

“Please,” your fingers dig into the back of his neck, piercing his skin. His eyes shift, darkening. The frame of the bed begins to bang loudly against the wall as his speed and force increases. He lets go of the board, gripping your hips and pulling them into each thrust of his. He fucks you harder, hip bones digging into your thighs. He swipes your hand away when you try to rub your clit. Shaking his head.

“You can come without touching yourself.”

“I can’t,” you cry out, trying to reach again. He tsks, pushing it away.

“Come from my cock only, y/n. I know you can do it.”

Your head tips back, the burning of your clit, begging to be touched. You focused on how he feels, how his cock drags against your walls. Just as you think you’re unable to do it, Hongjoong leans forward, teeth grazing your neck.

“Maybe I can help you out, want me to help you out, pretty? Want me to taste you?” His tongue drags against your pulsing vein. You nod without knowing what exactly he means, until his teeth sink into your flesh. You gasp from pain and pleasure,

The head of his cock pushes harshly into you as you cry out, his name spilling from your lips over and over as your orgasm takes over you, you clawing at his biceps in an attempt to hold yourself together. Hongjoong licks your wound, pulling away from you, breaths ragged.

Before you can come down from your high, in a matter of seconds the head of Hongjoong’s cock is inside you once more and you’re being fucked into the mattress, the movement of his hips frantic enough that you know you’ll be sore for several days.

“Fuck,” Hongjoong groans, snapping against you and making you bounce. “Want my come, pretty? Want me to come inside of you?” Hongjoong moans at the feeling of you clenching around him.

“Please, Hongjoong, please,” you gasp.

You hear him groan in response to your words as he presses his chest into yours, and all the while he continues to push inside of you you can feel his cock beginning to throb. His movements begin to falter, his breath heavy against your neck and you screw your eyes shut even tighter as you rock your hips upwards from underneath him to push him to new depths, urging him on. “Joong, please come. ”

“My sea,” he pants as his thrusts become shallow and hurried, his fingertips digging into the mattress to anchor himself, “Fuck.”

Finally, Hongjoong comes,, his hips pressing into you and then staying right there, buried deep within you. His fingers relax slightly from around your throat to allow you to drag in a deep, ragged breath, but Hongjoong keeps his hold. Chest still heaving against yours, you feel his lips come into contact with your cheek to press a soft kiss there, nuzzling your cheekbone for just a second before uttering into your ear.

“Look at me, my sweet sea.”

Your eyes open. His smirk is wide now, eyes crazed. You remember this exact look, one from the visions that you've seen. The one where Rose died beneath Jongho’s hands. Anxiety begins to rattles your body, the cloud of lust seeping away as it only seems to grow more sinister. He leans close to your ear, his soft lips brushing against the skin. It is only six words, but it brings the fear up too high for you to ignore.

"I know."

The stifling hot room suddenly grows colder.

"I know you lied."

His hand slowly wraps around your neck, fingers pressing into the flesh. It’s not enough to cause you to stop breathing, but enough so that you start to panic as he stares down at you. He does a test squeeze once, a breathy laugh escaping his lips.

“Hongjoong—”

“Why would you try to trick me, my sea?” His brows furrow, hurt etched into his features. “Lead me on to think that somewhere deep inside of you, you cared for me? Why plant a fallacy in my mind? Why make me suffer?” He shakes his head. You feel his thumb press into the base of your neck, nail slowly digging. He hasn’t pierced your skin yet, but it’s close. “Speak.”

“To convince you—”

“To convince me that you care?” He finishes, and you nod. “I know you don’t care for me, y/n. I’ve known with each thrust, each moan of my name. I know what you look like when you make love, y/n. And I know what you’ve just done was anything but that,” he leans closer, his tongue dragging along your collarbone. “I know because I saw the others with you. They aren’t the only ones who enjoy the show,” he grins.

“You weren’t there—”

He agrees, humming, “I wasn’t. The good thing about turning, though. Their thoughts are no longer their own, their eyes are mine. I saw everytime someone entered you,” he lets his free hand cup your center, “I felt what they felt.” He slips a finger inside of you, “I saw your eyes roll back for them—” he moves it slowly, squeezing your throat tighter “—I saw you each time you lost yourself in them. Yunho,” he slips in another finger. “Mingi, oh that one was interesting—” his pace increases. “Wooyoung… poor him, he couldn’t even watch.”

He adds two more fingers within an instant, “And how could I forget the last one? Your Yeosang, your pretty, pitiful Yeosang. He’s always wanted you so badly, always wants to save you…” Hongjoong thumb rubs your clit, pace quickening. “He can’t even save himself…”

The door to the room opens, Hongjoong not bothering to turn around to see who it is.

“I didn’t ask you to come in,” Hongjoong hums, pulling his fingers out of you. He grabs the blanket on the side, covering your body with it, hand letting go of your neck. Your chest rises and falls, moving your gaze around him to see who's entered.

San and Yeosang stand there. It's too dark to see what they're wearing, but you're pretty sure it's the outfits from the concert tonight. Has time passed that quickly? You can still feel his fingers around your neck, anger between his words. If they didn't come in… if you weren't so involved… you're not too sure you would have lived.

Yeosang moves closer first, "You're going too far, hyung."

He leans up from the bed, not bothering to cover himself up. San lingers just behind Yeosang, eyes glued to your neck.

"Sad you couldn't join? I never interrupted the two of you, you should give me the same consideration."

"You were killing her, you were going to kill her." Yeosang looks at you, brows furrowed. "I wouldn't let you do that."

He stands, rolling his eyes. He grabs his briefs from the side, slowly pulling it up and over himself. "I was having fun, not killing her. The two of you need to relax a bit. Why would I dare hurt my sea?"

"The blood in her mouth? We can see it on her lips, Hongjoong. We aren't that ignorant."

You wipe your lips, staring at the blood coating your fingers when you pull away. You don't even remember when exactly he did it, or how. Was he going to kill you? Were you so filled with arousal you didn't even think about what was happening? Was that the sweet taste in your mouth? His blood? Your stomach turns at the thought. Hongjoong looks back at you. His white pupils are gone. replaced with the familiar brown. He raises his brow, tongue dragging across his lips. It's there where you see the cut in it.

"Tastes just like strawberries, doesn't it?"

The thought of his blood in your mouth makes you gag, rises from the sheets. You hold the blanket against you, reaching for the water bottle on the side table. Hongjoong grabs it before you do, taking a long drink, emptying it.

"Fuck you!" You yell, anger rising.

"y/n…" San moves closer to you. "Let's get you cleaned up, okay?"

You grab your shirt and slip it over your body, hands trembling against the fabric. San helps you, picking up your sweats from the floor and passing it to you. Yeosang moves closer to Hongjoong, fists tightened.

"You were going to kill her, just like that."

"Don't start to give me a fucking martyr speech, Yeosang. You don't even care about her."

"You—"

Hongjoong reaches out, gripping Yeosang's neck. He slams him against the wall behind him, a scream leaving your mouth. San stands in front of you, hiding your body with his. He looks at Hongjoong with concern, "Hey, isn't this too much—"

"The two of you are a pair, aren't you?" Hongjoong frowns, "So hopelessly involved with y/n. At least she likes Yeosang. She barely even knows San. And here he is, fucking protecting her as if she loves him. As if she cares if he died."

The others soon appear at the door, crowding into the room. The wall behind Yeosang cracks as Hongjoong presses him deeper into it.

"Please stop," you beg, trying to get closer. San holds you back, preventing you from interfering. "He's just trying to protect me."

"If you didn't have Rose's soul he would not give a shit about you, my sea," Hongjoong looks at you, head tilted. "Your soul already saw him die once, it shouldn't matter if you see it happen again."

Yeosang looks down at him, fingers digging into Hongjoong’s hand. Eyes red, denying his words with the curl of his lips. "You'll never understand love, Joong. That's your problem."

"Enlighten me then, my friend."

Yeosang's eyes move to you, softening with such ease it breaks your heart. "Everyone knows I loved Rose, loved her more than she loved me, surely," his eyes flick back to his captain's. "And I loved her Hongjoong. I loved her with everything that I had, and I could barely function when she was gone." His voice breaks, eyes flicking between his. "But that doesn't mean I wouldn't be able to love again. She was my first love, but y/n…" His eyes move to yours, softening. The look only makes your heart crumble even more. "She is my greatest."

Your hold on San's arm loosens at his words. You love him. You've loved him, with every part of you. You love him to the brink of fear, afraid of the unknown.

"How sweet…"

He lets Yeosang go, wiping his hands on his underwear. He glances at the others around the room, frowning. "I wasn't going to kill either of them."

"Let's go, y/n," San whispers, slipping his hand into yours. Yeosang catches his breath on the floor. He lifts his head to meet yours. As if telling you everything is alright. That he's okay. San tugs again, and you follow him out the room, parting the small crowd that formed in the doorway.

-

"Do you know if she truly loved you?" It's an appalling question, one that would throw them for a loop. It seems to leave Seonghwa speechless, mouth parting to speak, closing again. "Did she love you?"

It's been over a day since the incident, Hongjoong moving around as if nothing happened. Yeosang does as well, not mentioning it at all. It was enough of a headache for you to ask Seonghwa for a break. The house feels more stuffy than usual. You sit in the park not too far from their business, swinging your legs back and forth. It was silent while you walked here, but you couldn't help but ask. They love her so dearly, so much. You doubt she felt half of what they did.

"She said she did, she told us she did. Why are you asking?"

"Because if this is the way you express that you love someone, I'm not so sure that she did. If she taught you how to love, this isn't love, Seonghwa."

"I feel like if it was anyone but you telling me this, I'd be furious," he admits, a breathy laugh escaping his lips. "If I may be forward, why do you think so?"

"I don't know," you purse your lips. "I don't know how it was for you back then, how the world was. Maybe my thoughts are more modern in comparison, but I don't think love wants to force you into this mold. If we're humans and you told me you wanted to become this, I think I would be upset for a bit, but I wouldn't tell you to stay a human because I want you to. Though back then, monsters were more of a real thought rather than folklore. I don't think it means that I wouldn't care, it just means that despite it all, I believe you'll still be the person I care for."

You glance at him, leaving out the obvious afterthought. This form changed them. You're sure that Rose died because of their choices. Because they changed. And not in a good way. Their "love" twisted into something unrecognizable, cruel, obsessive, greedy. Dangerous. Subin’s descriptions were mild in comparison to how they actually are. How could Wooyoung just kill Yeosang with ease? Hongjoong almost injuring Yeosang, attempting to turn you?

"I'm very careful when I tell someone I love them. Because for me it is an admittance that my care for you has no bounds, that with everything we will go through I will fight my hardest to make it work. I will stick by you. And I don't feel that way for most of you."

It's a lie, it's a filthy, dirty lie, but you let yourself say it anyway.

He nods slowly. His fingers slowly fold, legs crossed. "It is all a pity, then. I tried my hardest for you, doe. But it seems to be a moot end. I promised them that you would admit your love for us. Stubbornness has always been your strong suit, no matter how many years have passed by. I wanted to save you."

You look around the park. It's quieter in comparison to before. Swings empty, older couples gone. Not one soul, not even a bird chirping. It's eerie in itself. You turn to him, and he looks at you with sorrow.

"One word was all I needed."

You stand up, chest rising and falling quickly. "Hwa—"

"It's calming. Different in comparison to how we turned Rose. I hope you understand that this was a unanimous decision, doe. All of us thought this was the best way to keep you from running away."

He stands and you hold up your hands, shaking your head. "This isn't the way to get what you want, Seonghwa. Repeating the past isn't the way, you know that."

He tilts his head, a light pout decorating his lips. "This is me saving you. Can't you see it?"

You ignore his words, turning around. The closest place is the club just across the street. The one they own. Hiding is the last thing you want to do, but there’s nothing else. Maybe there’s something left over from the fight they had there weeks ago. If you could find your way through the hallways and into the back — maybe there’s a chance you can save yourself. Maybe there’s a way out.

"I'll give you a headstart, doe. At least give you some hope. Go ahead," he nods.

You don't hesitate. Your legs move quick as you run across the empty street. The door to the club is open and you enter, locking it behind you. A part of you wonders why you don't question it, but fear drives you now. You run into a side room, grabbing a knife that Subin left hidden, just before they came to save you last time.

"This will kill them," Subin says to you, dragging his finger along the blade. "It is made from the metal that killed their first love. Hongjoong would be much harder to trick, but I'm sure you can do it."

You stare at it, shaking your head. "Subin, I don't think—"

"Start thinking then, y/n. You won't be free. Not unless you accept their obsession with you, or kill them yourself. Your soul will continue to be stuck in the same perpetual nightmare. You have to stop it. You have to, y/n." His brows soften. "For every iteration of you that has died. Do it for them. Do it for you."

It's the first note that makes you stop what you're doing. You hold the knife in your hands, your grip loosening as you stare out into the hallway.

The familiar tune of the piano. Despite the name of the club you've rarely heard it — the group is a rock band, of course. So hearing the soft melody of Clair de lune echo in the dark is more than what you expect. It's a beautiful song despite this circumstance. You used to love it until this very moment — were they here the entire time? Have they watched your every move once you left Seonghwa in the park?

Were you ever truly alone?

The echo of your shoes add to the music, hushed breaths. There's no use in trying to control them, they know you're here just as you know they are.

"Must we play this game with you?"

You stop moving, gaze glued to the darkness. Your fear overrides your sense of the moment. Who was it that spoke?

"Why run? Is it not beautiful for there to be people who already love you as you are? Why would you try to escape love that is unconditional?"

Still, your mind seems unable to figure out who exactly it is. Is it some sort of talent they have, disguising their voices? Luring you deeper into the darkness? You stop moving.

"Pretty, we already know you're there. No need to try and hide."

Pretty? There's doubt that Yeosang would scare you this way, but it isn't impossible. Not after what you've witnessed at that restaurant.

"What can we do to convince you to stay?"

"Let me go," you whisper. "Finally let me go." Clair de lune rises in volume, your heartbeat throbbing in your ears. "Find someone else to love you. I will never be her."

"You are her, my sweet doe. And you always will be."

Doe? Is it Seonghwa instead? Footsteps catch your attention. They're at the far end of the hallways, slowly ascending, closer and closer to you. Risking waiting for whoever leaves the darkness isn't wise. You know that it'll only lead someone to you back in their home. Back in their arms. You slide the knife back into its place, quickly turning on your heels. You haven't had the chance to explore the club, too engrossed in them to figure out every nook and cranny. You push open a door, locking it behind you quickly. Just as you turn around, your stomach falls.

“What are you?” You say softly.

“It’s easy to guess,” Yunho shrugs.

“Shows at night. Hwa drinking blood, our cold skin. Points to only one thing.”

“We're vampires.”

It's the same room you met them. The velvety couches, the bucket of cell phones on the back table. You were full of life back then, though afraid you stood your ground. And now here you are, back in the same place as before. Will it ever end? Is this a sign that no matter what, you will always follow the same path? Your fingers brush against the knife.

Should you end it here?

"I won't let that happen again, doe," Seonghwa enters the room, hands tucked in his pockets. He moves closer and closer to your frozen figure, hand slipping down your side, pulling the knife away. He stares at it for a moment, worried expression hardening. "Who gave this to you?"

"Subin."

His eyes narrow, grip tightening. The silver bends with ease in his hands, crushed in his palm. He sighs, eyes closing for a moment. "It was the knife that killed Rose, y/n."

“Hwa, what did you do—”

“Do you think I’d allow you to hurt yourself? I said we were going to save you, and you try to do something like this?” He sighs. “We’re trying to protect you the best we can—”

“This is not protecting, Seonghwa. Both you and I know you. I expected things to be different with you. I thought you changed.” Was everything a lie? Every step of the way to get you here, in front of him, about to die?

Are you just that stupid?

“What do you want us to do? Let you die, again? We’ve already done that, y/n. I can’t wait another one hundred years for us to go through the same routine.”

“You’re selfish—”

He laughs, combing his fingers through his hair. “And what if I am, hm? It doesn’t matter; once I turn you, once you become one of us… I can make you forget.”

The same blank look in Yeosang’s eyes.

You back up away from him, gaze resting on yours. It’s not sorrowful in the slightest. It’s settling within you; you expected this eventually. The contemptment, the resignation. He will kill you. You’re not leaving this room without spilling blood. “You never believed I loved you, Seonghwa,” you whisper, back against the wall as he moves to you. “After all this time, you’ve never believed it. But I have.”

“Don’t lie,” he mumbles.

“I did love you, so much. Why do you think I’ve often come to you? I trusted you, Seonghwa. I knew you cared about me, not just my soul. It’s pathetic, really, how much I relied on someone that would go against me in the end. It’s even more pathetic that I’m not angry with you. I’m just sad.”

He shakes his eyes, fists tightening. “You’re allowed to be angry.”

“But I can’t be. I don’t think either Rose or myself was ever really angry with you.”

"You will never lose me."

You can barely make out his words, his fingers digging into yours, light sobs falling from his lips. You hold in yours, letting your forehead rest against his. It feels as if you're mourning him when he is right in front of you. The fleeting wish of knowing him sooner so that you may have spent time with him as he is now crosses your mind. And with horror, the small thought of you living as them so you can know them longer lingers.

"I love you ever so much, Seonghwa," you say. "And I will not make you listen to what I want. If this will make you happy, then I will accept your decision."

Seonghwa presses his palms against his temples, his last sincere moment with you crumbling.

“I would not have asked anyone else to be here with me when I die, Seonghwa. Please let me go.” Rose’s blood spilling onto his clothing, between his fingers. His cries echoing around the ship's chambers.

“y/n, please,” he shakes his head. “I can’t.”

Your finger slips into the hole in the wall, the cold metal of a knife resting there feels against your fingertips. Seonghwa’s back is turned to you, and you quickly pull it out, gripping the handle. Despite the fear that overwhelms you, consumes you, you do it anyway. You press it into your chest.

Exactly where the birthmark of the scar is.

The smell of blood hits him before he sees it. The pain is overbearing, your hand dropping from the handle, body limping forward, almost touching the floor. The sound of the door slamming open, wood splitting at the force. The warm touch of hands catching you just before you fall. His grip is tight, blood sputtering from your lips as you look at him.

"No, no…" His grip on your shirt is tight. You're used to the mirrored emotions, the fakeness dripping from his expression. It's nothing like now. The way he holds you, his face pressed against the fabric of your soaked shirt, sobs escaping his lips. Despite the loss of blood, despite it all, you feel your own heart breaking.

"You have to let me go, Joong," you can’t say it of course, the pain too overwhelming to speak through. "You have to."

“I can’t…” he utters. A cold touch of hands pulls you into his lap, Hongjoong letting you go. You can’t quite tell what’s happening around you, but you hear shouting, furniture breaking. Your vision begins to blur, fingers holding you close to their body. His hand covering your mouth, whispering soft words to you. You don’t feel tears against your skin, but you can feel how he holds you, hands trembling. You just wish that you knew who it was.

The knife is slowly sliding out of your chest, the pain enough to make you lose consciousness within an instant.

-

“It worked.”

“I told you it would.”

“Fuck off, San.”

“Why are you arguing in front of her? Hey pretty peach, it’ll be alright.”

“Still calling her a peach, after everything?”

“You know what-”

You gasp, leaning forward. Hands stop you from moving too quietly, soft words comforting you for the moment. Your eyes flick around, brows furrowed. Mingi, San, Yunho… Yeosang, Seonghwa, Jongho… You continue to circle through the men, one missing. Just as you begin to ask, your head turns to the side. Wooyoung holds you up steady, a sweet smile on his lips. He brushes loose hairs away from your cheek, humming softly.

“You okay, pretty peach?”

You nod slowly, looking down at your hands. They’re free of blood. Wait, should they be covered in blood? “What happened?” you ask.

“One of the attendees at the concert took some bad shit, and you drank from them. It hit you pretty hard and you passed out, but everything is alright now. You’re okay,” Mingi says, nudging Yunho. “I told him to keep an eye on you since you’ve just started this, but he let it slip his mind.”

Yunho rolls his eyes, “I went to the bathroom.”

“Enough arguing, please?” Seonghwa murmurs, smiling at you. “Ready to go to bed, doe?”

You steady yourself off the floor with the help of Wooyoung, thanking him. “Okay.”

Everyone begins leaving the room one by one, Yeosang staying with you. He guides you to the bathroom, asking for permission to help you into the bath. There’s no need to say no, no use for it. He’s been with you since the beginning of your transition since that fateful night at Hiraeth, where you met them all. You sink into the warmth of the water, leaning your head against the side. Yeosang sits there, watching you silently.

“Are you alright?” he asks, thumb brushing against your temple. “You worried us.”

You nod, a smile on your lips. “I’m always alright when I’m with you.”

The expression he gives you back is peculiar. Smile quick, strange. His eyes linger on the scar on your chest. “Okay. I’ll give you some time alone,” his lips brush against your forehead. “See you soon, pretty.”

Just as he closes the door, you lean from your spot. You didn’t mention it even though you should have. Crescents scarred his throat, the imprint of a hand stared at you as he helped you bathe. Your mind told you to stop questioning it, to let it go. But you just couldn’t. The sight looked so familiar, filled you with such fear. Like you were missing something right in front of you, but you just couldn’t grasp it. The eerie feeling began to consume you, clawing at the dryness of your throat, forcing itself into your heart through each beat.

A drum solo makes you stop. Your eyes move to the stage, focused on the man whose drumsticks fly through the air, foot tapping on the bass drum pedal, eyes closed completely as he plays. The crowd screams. But you can only stare. Watch as he expertly plays, lips curved into a smile. Blue hair pulled back with a headband. His eyelids open, immediately looking at you.The burgundy color keeps you in place. He tilts his head, observing you. He hits against the crash cymbal and pulls you away from his mesmerizing gaze.

“...Hongjoong,” you breathe.

He takes out a necklace, holding it between his fingers. “But with the long lives we have lived, it will be unfortunate if someone decided to bring the force of the law against us. I’d rather not spend my days rotting behind a prison cell. Not that we would, of course. But it is helpful, nonetheless.” The necklace drops to the table, a wince from Yeosang catching your attention. “But we didn’t bring you back here to tell you about how San practices law. This piece of jewelry, can you touch it?” Hongjoong slides it against the glass to you. Oddly, it doesn’t scratch at all.

The room grows silent; only the muted music filling the air. You stare at the jewels, the emerald color quite vibrant in the low light. Your curiosity almost outweighs the red exclamation points of danger. So despite it, you only stare at it then flick your gaze to Hongjoong. He tilts his head, waiting for you to respond.

Your hand lingers on the emerald necklace resting between your collarbones, warm despite how cold your skin is.

You remember.

How your soul mourned.

Yeosang pressed his cut hands to your lips just before you died. The others dragging Hongjoong off Seonghwa, barely saving him. Bringing Hongjoong to the brink of death.

When in reality, he was just gone. He disappeared after the night you turned. None of them could figure out where he went. They all simply accepted that he’d never come back. Little do they know what you know.

You held him as you felt his skin grow colder than it ever was. As his fearful eyes lost themselves in yours, and became colder, emptier. You stayed with him, cradling his soulless body tight against your chest. His blood seeping into your shirt, dripping down your leg. The knife thrown to the side; fingers wrapped around the cut on his throat to stop it from bleeding despite how much he tortured you.

The others would tell you how you shed tears for the first time over the man. How your screams were so gut-wrenching, even Yeosang struggled to pull you away. How months later, you woke from your slumber crying out his name. And strangely, how you never recalled any of it at all. They made you believe he’s dead. Yeosang turned you, coerced your mind into perceiving Hongjoong’s blood coating your fingers. You still recollect how clearly the scenery changed around you when you sobbed over his body. Dark background blending into the warmth of the summer dawn.

What a surprise it’ll be when they find out otherwise.

-

tags: @revehosh@mrcarrots@belletiny@sansblkgirlfriend@hwadump@honeyedtalisman@atzcoke@glitterhongjoong@whatudowhennooneseesyou@marievllr-abg@arkive78@dysftopia@kpopnightingale@wxnderingthoughts @jenniee-tm @hongshines@atinytease @multidreams-and-desires @yla-aira@wommypeaches@avantalem@youre-a-wallflower-charlie@toxicccred@xciiiomwliah@madelinelina@kirooz@a-tiny-teez@tenebrisirae @ageofjade @n0v4t33z@yoongiigolden @jonghoharibo @fl0r4f4wn @gh0stbish @kodsukein @vitrealislux@sarcasticsagittarius1998@spiderrenjunfics@aeoliannie​ @tannie13@leeknowsalot@xshansimsx@seojonneh @shingene @justconniez@mingi-banana@anushka-k@nightmarej1n@watamotee33@dear-dreamie@the-ghostest-with-the-mostest@jaxavance@malyxsoulpersonal@az-con@charreddonuts@beautysirens@sunukissed@lixpixstix

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Another year has passed, and with it the opportunity to reflect back on all that has happened. While my growth was not as dramatic as last year, I can still see lots of positive change.

I'll never have enough ways to say thank you for all the love and support you have given me this year. On to 2025!

(2023 summary here!)

[httyd-art-requests]

Happy 100th dragon post! 🎉

(I talk in tags!)

Requests are currently closed!

[lunarharp]

pretty & cute witch men