#thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about this book series lol
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acourtofquestions ¡ 6 months ago
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I personally love all of SJM’s books, and have read TOG and ACOTAR (I’m on the second book of CC) but I’ve seen multiple anti-SJM posts on tumblr. I personally disagree with them, but what’s your opinion?
(One of the main things they argue is that Rhysand was abusive)
A very good question! Thanks for asking! I always love talking about fandom stuff & your posts are always a fav😊🫶 @romantasyreader28 (apology in advance for the delay & long ramble lol; it was a good question I had many thoughts on🤣)
I was actually pondering something similar within this note but separate for an updated reading post on Rowan from TOG (I’m reading HoF for the first time; & though I generally try not to pick “pro/anti” (as there’s always another side to the story) not gonna lie I was near “anti”-Rowan… until PT. 2… hence the more “pro”-Rowan upcoming post😂).
— So there are definitely a LOT of changing opinions depending on the point in the series.
As far as Rhysand goes:
I was on a rollercoaster with him at first too, the introductory chapters & UTM time period were concerning (assault is a big trigger for me; so having Feyre drink faerie wine, “marking” her with paint, & kissing her without consent was disturbing).
With that said, I did find his character generally easier to “like/not loathe” on first read in comparison to other “enemies to lovers”. I think this is because of a few reasons… The 1st being you know there is more going on beneath the surface. 2nd, the perspective it’s written in shows their draw to each-other & makes swaying the audience easier. 3rd the undercurrents to their banter & little clues to more within their interactions; such as him betting on HER; shows he believes in her & also something more. Finally, it is furthered by the already very dark setting, not to give excuse but to more easily explain the why which is NOT of malice. My biggest point is that he does not defend it, apologizes for it & it is not portrayed as “okay”.
He is not perfect, he can be read as hero or villain; he does NOT make the same mistake twice, he DOES apologize, he does TRY to be better. He creates a sanctuary specifically for women to escape abuse, he makes a lot of effort to give Feyre HER choices & empower her to make them. And the times we are shown his side it is much less morally murky.
I know there is a lot of anger around him hiding the risk of Feyre & Nyx; I don’t disagree it is wrong & confusing, but we do not get the full picture, clearly showing in the other perspectives. & The other being his threat to Nesta after she tells Feyre; which was wrong & he knows it. — There is a difference however between anger & action. — While many of these patterns could probably be deemed as abusive, they could also be deemed as acceptable/explainable. Which one is correct?
— Well, at the end of the day it’s fiction. Within a genre that very much struggles with this as a whole. & While there is something to be said for “real world” power within fictional escapes. It also comes with a different & messier set of non-existent rules; if we are to examine them all, quickly everything becomes problematic. & maybe that’s good to do, maybe not; it’s worth acknowledging; but in that acknowledge that it is fiction.
Meanwhile, writers are real people. So be wary of jumping toward conclusions on either side…
As far as SJM goes:
I don’t know & we’ve never met, I don’t know what she’s like, what she believes in, what she’s experienced. I doubt anyone would write a series with the intention to sway people into abusive relationships. & though intent is a good question to ask; I tend to lean similarly towards no.
There are times I think abuse is shown; whether intentional (as Arobynn and Celaena), or questionably (Tamlin & Feyre’s first kiss; a moment that bothered me as she is drunk, but I actually appreciate because it is shown how problematic they are later; point to it as a key warning, not “romantic fairytale” to aspire for).
I also think the Maasverse does take time to give survivors & “unspoken stories” a spotlight, that means a great deal (or at least it did to me) with characters like Gwyn being a large one.
It serves as an enjoyable escape from the world; one we know is fiction. A morality that can be more “fun” to debate & ponder, but still exists within fiction & opinion primarily over actual moral grounding.
For me: I love Rhysand (though I may not wish to marry him in the real world) I wish to have someone to hold my hair when I have nightmares & I loved watching him and Feyre fall in love in moments like that; I love the way SJM turns plots on their heads & think she does a great job with them.
Reading throne of glass as my next Maasverse series has been cathartic; I have thoroughly enjoyed many dynamics and actually praised them for flipping stereotypes on their heads & NOT being abusive.
So, while I think there are many sides and points to argue & at the end of the day is generally within fiction; I enjoy SJM’s writing & reading them. I generally don’t find it more problematic than other series. And prefer to enjoy fandoms, or move along if it doesn’t feed me healthily.
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sunkitten-shash ¡ 4 months ago
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Wheel of time adjacent music!?!?!????
Yes! My collection was formed several years ago, before the show came out, so no OST from that or anything. There's a good deal of fan music (and probably even more now! Haven't checked for at least six years lol), and I also just Googled and went through a bunch of forum threads about music people associate with the series.
(Sorry, this turned out very long! Wheel of Time adjacent music is one of the things I have spent a LOT of time thinking about)
Fan Music (it's mostly metal)
Reflections of Sound did some of the songs from the series - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFD79BF2D4A257CB0 (Color of Trust especially is one of my favorites from this!)
A Soundtrack for the Wheel of Time is an older, semi-official thing - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_kruuxgJat1Nmzuu0l5YRMYEA95XFDCEnU
Noble Beast, a power metal band, has one or two songs based on WoT; "The Dragon Reborn" obviously, and there might have been another one in the same album but I don't remember. Honestly recommend the whole album, they're BANGERS https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLN50TABYCox89OIAMicMQfnh-UgDoCQRN
Wars Fought With the Heron-Marked Blade - I don't think I ever listened to this album all the way through, but I think all or most of the songs are WoT-inspired, and the name obviously is - https://open.spotify.com/album/1CxCxLIrHYJ92oCtTbjcIN
Blind Guardian's album At The Edge of Time has at least two WoT-inspired songs, Ride into Obsession and Wheel of Time - https://open.spotify.com/album/1KpuPdS4ea7uaBdP0Ywryz
Shayol Ghul is a band with an obviously WoT-inspired name; not sure about what songs are related to the series, but I have "Alone and Cold" and "Cascade of Darkness" downloaded
"Please, Please George" is a song about the next A Song of Ice and Fire book not coming out but it does namedrop Wheel of Time ("I might have to read The Wheel of Time instead/They're gonna finish that even though Robert Jordan's dead") and is also just a fun song - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztLYtUGEEfc&pp=ygUUcGxlYXNlIHBsZWFzZSBnZW9yZ2U%3D
There's a bunch of other one-off songs I picked up at some point, so I made a playlist real quick - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbGNVzzzICJoVuxEy894nMDEg92FeUrb2
I think I found some of these artists by searching on the Encyclopaedia Metallicum, and it looks like there might be a few more on there now - https://www.metal-archives.com/
Here's a post with some I missed as well! https://www.thegreatblight.com/post/wheel-of-time-songs-you-missed
Other Music
Honestly just Google it/search on Reddit or the Dragonmount forums for songs people associate with the series. I have SO MANY, and just taking a quick look there's tons more I don't have. Some artists that I saw mentioned a lot include Within Temptation, Metallica, Nightwish, and Mumford & Sons.
A couple of my favorites:
Three Days Grace - Animal I Have Become, Our Lady Peace - Not Enough and Mumford & Sons - After the Storm (especially the "I won't rot" line!) for Rand
Within Temptation - Dangerous and Three Days Grace - The Good Life for Mat
(I also will not hesitate to make a WoT playlist (or several) with additional songs if anyone is interested!)
Thanks for giving me an excuse to talk about this, anon! I had a HUGE special interest in Wheel of Time a few years ago, and (obviously, lol) spent a lot of time finding music I could associate with the books. That phase honestly really shaped my music taste and some of the artists I found then are still favorites now.
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stillfrownyclownlol ¡ 5 months ago
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FROWNY I FINISHED IT.
I don’t even have the words to describe how shocked I am. I don’t even know what to write because the ending genuinely shocked me and it’s not even DONE.
ADAM. PERSEPHONE. THE LEY LINE??? CABESWATER???? RONAN??? THE NIGHT HORRORS??? KAVINSKY??? OH MY GOD MATTHEW?? THER MUM??????? HOLY SHIT.
Okay. Let’s seee if I can get my thoughts to work.
Adam and Persephone are a duo I didn’t see coming but I actually like it a lot. They both give off melancholic vibes you know? I think they understand each other, in some way. The way to redirect the ley line was AMAZING? And Adam finally coming to terms with Cabeswater? He’s the magician?? Honestly love him so much!
Ronan. RONAN. Oh my god Ronan. I don’t even know what to say. He’s gay? I’m pretty sure he’s gay. There’s just so much to say about him really. The way him and Kavinsky have the same dream place — the way he talked to the trees? The way he saw Adam? The way Adam could see him too? The way he just KNEW? The lightning? The rock? ADAM OMG. Anway. Ronan’s night horror was a genuine shock. The way it symbolised his hatred for himself? And once he accepted himself could he finally control his nightmares? UGH. THE WAY HE DREAMT HIS DAD?? THE WAY HE LEARNED WHAT HIS DAD HAD WANTED HIM TO? THE LANGUAGE OF THE TREES??? The battle between Kevinsky’s fire dragon and Ronan’s albino terror? Honestly so cool. Matthew? Like MATTHEW? During the first book I thought the Lynch brothers all despised each other but it’s more like Declan and Ronan hating each other and only doing things for Matthew’s sake. RONAN you are an amazing big brother omg.
Their mum??? She’s back??? The will ???? I’m so shocked I can’t even believe it. I knew they’d do that — of course she’d come back — but still. Also. EXCUSE ME RONAN LYNCH BUT WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR SECOND SECRET IS ADAM PARRISH? HELLO??? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? 🤨🤨🤨
I had to stare at the wall for a good minute because the ending genuinely shocked me. Like. MAURA. WHAT. THE. FUCK. It is one in the morning and I’m not even tired I’m probably gonna start the third book now oh my lord 😭
I’m so happy you introduced this series to me Frowny because now I don’t know what I would be doing right now?? How could I NOT love these guys???? AHHHHHHHHHH.
ALSO WHEN YOU SAID ADAM WOULD GET LOVE SOON I HOPE IT HAPPENS!! I NEED HIM TO BE LOVED.
You're tearing through these omg
YEAHHHH I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN...THE ENDING LEFT ME "...what the HELL-" skdhkajdd and you still have two more books left...🫠🫠🫠
Akdbiwhdosb I love their mentor-student relationship sm they break my heart every time </3
I don't think it's a spoiler but I think in the spin off he does explicitly call himself gay lol. I LOOOOOVE THE FIGHT WITH THE DRAGON AND THE NIGHT CREATURE IT WAS SICK AF. and I love Matthew we'll see him more later <3 he's such a silly guy...
HEHE IDK WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS?? ✨️ (I can't wait for that scene kagdjshdj)
Blue Lily, Lily Blue was CRAZY bro idk what to tell you except you're in for a ride, one time I stayed up till 6am reading 😭
Thank you to my bestie for getting me to read it hihi <3 the raven cycle goes on forever...one day, you'll also recommend it to someone ✨️
And I promise you, Adam will be loved (picks him up) never forget you have been loved :")
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hecatesbroom ¡ 7 months ago
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How I organise my (fic) writing in Notion
@this-geek wondered how I organised my works in Notion, and considering I'm nothing if not always happy to ramble about anything concerning lists and sorting my various things, here we are ;) thanks for giving me an excuse to talk about this haha
Under the cut because I have unfortunately rambled quite a bit (sorry!)
Okay so first off: I really only use Notion for my fic writing (I prefer to work on original projects in physical notebooks or Word, for reasons unknown to even me) and I only keep my first drafts in here. I move on to Google Docs for second drafts (again, who knows why I do this? I sure don't!) Anyway, onto the organisation:
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This is what my main page looks like! I have some fancy sidebars I never really use, the to do list is horribly outdated, and I haven't updated that quote (from one of my favourite book series: The Locked Tomb) in ages, but I still think it looks nice!
The thing this is mainly about, though, is the part in the middle that says "all fics". This is what Notion calls a database. It's basically one gigantic collection of pages (in my case: fics) that you can add tags to and display in various different ways. I prefer gallery view because it allows me to add a picture to the overview if I want to. I used to do this for my Locked Tomb fics and it looked pretty fun:
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The thing is that it's also a lot of work to find pictures to match your fics (and nowadays I'm more focused on writing than all the thing surrounding it) so my Golden Girls overview looks more like this! I still like the gallery view because it gives you a little preview of every wip :)
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As you can see, there's lots of different tags under the titles. The stuff you see in this view is a quick overview (mostly to help with sorting, so all my posted wips line up, and the rest shows up according to which state of unfinishedness they're currently in)
When you click any fic in this view, you'll be taken to the actual fic, and its complete overview of tags & info! I like to keep track of a lot of things (when I remember to, anyway). Here's a little overview for the things I tracked for the finish line :)
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Created: shows me the date I started the document (and therefore the fic). Very useful! I love this feature a lot
Fandom: is mainly there for organisation purposes! I set my gallery view to toggle per fandom, so it's all sorted into neat little sections thanks to this tag
Characters: pretty self explanatory
Type: I've got several categories here: "one-shot", "multi-chapter", "drabble", "ficlet", and (reserved for one AU in particular) "i honestly don't know anymore"
Status: again, there's quite a few options for this one: "plotting", "writing draft 1", "1st draft", "2nd draft", "finished", "posted", "hiatus" and "abandoned" (which I rarely use)
Quick summary: is where I play around with my ao3 summary whenever I'm bored and don't really feel like writing
Draft 1 wc: I usually just put the final word count for the first draft there, unless I remember to track individual writing sessions (in which case I add those word counts as well, like in the example above, because I love looking back on the process!)
Draft 2 wc: I tend to completely retype a fic into my google docs for the second draft. Once I've done that I put the end result into my Notion doc
Finished wc: after I've reread and edited my 2nd draft, and possibly managed to have it all get a little out of hand (like you can see in that doubled word count for the finish line, lol) I put the finished word count here!
WC goal: is just a fun way to see what my initial idea was for the fic (I try to set a goal when I've got a general idea of what I want the work to look like, and always end up exceeding it)
The rest of it is just my writing, basically! Scroll down from there and you get the body for the fic :)
I hope this was somewhat helpful! I'm not a pro at Notion by any means, but if you have any questions or need some help, feel free to ask! I'm happy to try to help out!
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rosesradio ¡ 8 months ago
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Leo Valdez in Ceaseless Eve: Let's Discuss
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⚠️ The following contains spoilers for any & all of Ceaseless Eve ⚠️
How can I begin to talk about my boy??
To start, I should probably give some context or lore about me:
I started reading the books when I was nine. I was sick in bed one day, and my dad wanted to read me something to make me feel better. "It's just like Harry Potter!" he'd said, holding up a copy of The Lightening Theif. (My ill feelings towards the wizard books now, I had inhaled the series when I was eight and read nothing else. Thank goodness I expanded my horizons, right?).
So, he started to read Percy Jackson while I laid in bed...
And I hated it, lol.
What can I say? I was a brat. Or maybe I just wanted to be left alone with my stomachahce or fever or whatever I was sick with. So, one chapter in, my dad gave up and left me alone.
When I felt better, I picked the book back up...and I went through the entire first series in a week. Even now, my dad jokes that I just had a problem with him reading them, not the book itself. (And yes, we watched the show together, he enjoyed it--I'm still badgering him to read the books himself though...maybe I should read it to him when he gets sick...)
So, I got into pjo. The details are a little fuzzy on when exactly I read the sequel series, though I believe it was sometime in middle school. All I know was that the moment I first read about Leo...I had the biggest fictional crush on him, lmao. I remember a time in 2016 where 13 year old me would watch Viria's "How Far We've Come" video and I'd write Leo x readers in the notes app of my iPod touch (unfortunately, those fics have all been deleted, otherwise I would not hesitate to share that horror with the world. But rest assured, the reader was very much Not Like Other Girls lol).
I'm not sure when exactly valdangelo first became an interest to me or where I found it, but I remember reading the books and feeling like we were robbed of those two interacting. They were always something in the back of my mind, though I was always working on other projects and had no idea where to start in the event that I did write something for them.
Until the hype for the show was starting, and I thought that it would be cool to explore a bit of an AU quest between Leo, Nico, and Piper. I thought about the one-off line about how a "confused pizza guy" had found his way to Camp Half-Blood once and ran with that. Also, ever since I started working, I give my favorite character my job if applicable. At the time of writing, I was a food delievery person, so that's why I went with that. The fic was really a character study of Leo more than anything, so I really appreciate all of the people saying I got Leo's voice right :')
So, there are a couple big changes that were made with Leo's character in the ceaselessverse that differentiate the character from canon:
1.) Leo doesn't make mean jokes about his questmates.
This is a change that I actually regret making, and I might toy with a sort of compromise in the sequel. At first, people who were anti-leo made comments on how rude he could be, and I saw that as something that needed to be "fixed" in CE.
However, now that I think about it as a neurodivergent person...I can't help but wonder if that is connected to him being neurodivergent? Like with me, especially as a teen, I was anxious in social situations and often didn't know what to say, so I would make jokes, and a lot of them didn't land. Sure, I shouldn't have made those jokes, and Leo shouldn't have made the jokes he did, but the neurodivergent nature of it all as well as him being an awkward teen sort of explains that, it doesn't excuse it. I think the rise of purity culture and the lack of desire for nuanced characters has (pardon my lack of professionalism) fucked up the vibe. Like a lot. I think it's fine (great, even!) for a character you like to have flaws, especially if they stem from an aspect that makes them more relatable. If you want neurodivergent characters but hate them for exhibiting traits that are frowned upon, well...you might just want neurotypical characters with quirks and labels.
2.) Leo isn't a "ladies man"
I don't regret this change at all. That shit was weird, Richard.
That being said, I think it was fine to have a character who has romance on the brain and is flirtatous. Hell, it's even fine to have a character that's weird towards women and tries to "jokingly" sneak a peak at a female character changing (sorry if you were trying to repress page 114 of mark of athena)--that's just fiction, but you can't expect us to root for that character (especially in their goal of getting a girlfriend).
So, while Leo is observant of the girls around him and thinks they're cute, I think this was a change that was adjusted to age better, yk?
3.) Leo was (accidentally) responsible for his mother's death (sorry, Esperanza)
This was the first change made to accomodate the lack of Gaea.
Of course, you'll notice how most all of the character's (outside of those from the og series) backstories were altered to accomodate that, but this was something I was particularly interested in exploring. I'm not going to pretend to be a better writer than our buddy Richard (though I think some of his decisions were really weird...and he'd probably think the same thing about me, tbh), but I think it was a bit of a copout to have Leo think he killed his mom only for it to be Gaea's fault, so he's, like, "redeemed". I wanted to explore a route where Leo was responsible, even by accident, and what that would mean for his greif and healing process. I hope that was explored thoughtfully to you guys in CE.
4.) Leo was a bully to escape bullying
This one was a little controversial lol, but I think it's more interesting.
I can see where it'd make sense in canon to have Leo use his comedy to escape bullying--he does a bit of the same thing in the ceaselessverse, though I believe it works too well. Leo is welcomed into becoming almost like friends with his bullies, though there is clearly a power dynamic at work. I have had "friendships" like this in middle/high school, and I thought it would be interesting to show how lonliness can lead you to make stupid decisions in order to feel, at least a little bit, like you belong somewhere.
This is, of course, stopped as Leo became closer with his sister, Sarah. He finds that caring for someone outside of his own survival starts to make him feel like a person again, and he wants to become better for her sake. It's really sweet to me and highlights yet another great type of platonic relationship dynamic to be explored, but more on Sarah later.
---
Of course, there are several other little changes made to Leo's character for a variety of reasons--if you notice any and had any particular feelings about them (hopefully positive, but it's up to you), please let me know by sending a letter via carrier pigeon directly to my house (or by, like, commenting on ao3, tumblr, or whatever etc if you're weird like that).
what was i saying. anyways.
I could talk about Leo's character all day--about how his arc of controlling his abilities instead of fearing them mirrors Piper's, about how his sexuality is (and probably will) never be stated directly in the text, so it's up to reader interpretation (he's vaguely bi but mostly queer To Me but also idc). If you ever wanna hear more of my thoughts on him with any specifics, feel free to send an ask! Or Whatever !
A favorite tool in Leo's toolbelt: The Dormio
Leo has a lot of cool little knick-knacks, some canon and some not. His wristwatch with the hidden message was a strong contender, but ultimately the Dormio wins for sure. What can I say? I would love to see dreams--maybe not my own (Hypnos plagues me with stress dreams :') ), but other people's.
The Dormio was originally called the DreamViewer, which was kind of a placeholder name because, frankly, it's dumb as shit. I have to credit @heavens-vault for coming up with the new name, thank you <3 The name is based on a dream interfacing system by MIT.
(Did some of the editing get lost in the sauce, and the device is still called the DreamViewer sometimes? Maybe. No further questions without my lawyer lol. I plan on doing a mass edit some time in the future. Save me mass edit, mass edit save me, etc)
All that to say, the Dormio is not a one-off. We'll just have to wait and see what role it plays in Ivory Rain...
Bonus Character!
Sarah McAllen: Let's Discuss
So, my first pjo OC...
Sarah is first foreshadowed in chapter five, when Leo and Piper are discussing the quest at Nico's cabin door:
"Us?" now it was Piper's turn to look confused. "You mean...you understood that line in the prophecy, the 'daughter of doves' thing?"
"Sure I did!" Leo replied, feeling his heart skip a beat, his smile a tad nervous. "There's more to me than good looks, Beauty Queen." Hopefully, that settled Piper for now. Sure, that orientation video was not very informative, but he didn't have to explain to everyone why he knew these things about Greek mythology.
After reading through chapter nine, it should become clear that Leo has a little bit of background knowledge on Greek Mythology due to Sarah's loud interest in Mythomagic. Although their background has been covered in the text, I thought I'd mention a couple things about her.
I realized kinda late in her development that I actually did the same thing in an older longfic for a different fandom I wrote when I was 15--giving the main character a younger sister, motivating him to be better and take care of her. I'm not sure if there's any psychology behind me wanting to write my faves as older brothers, but it's interesting!
I did give Sarah a couple things in common with me, even if she's not a self-insert. She's a writer, one of the reasons she falls into the Apollo cabin. She also has what Nico describes in chapter 18 as a "medical brace" on her knee. This will be further addressed in the sequel, but I gave her the same disablity that I have with my knee. I don't want to delve too deep into the medicality (medicality?) of it all just for my comfort, but I wanted to show a chracter that has a disability but can also be a hero, like they did in the tv show. I hope you guys read that and it made you happy :-)
I will say that Sarah is not going to be too much of a major player in the sequel, I don't want to put my OCs too much into the spotlight when I already have a lot of canon characters I want to work with. Still, she will always be really important to Leo, and their relationship will always be really important to me.
Also! To tell you a secret...she will not be the only OC in the ceaselessverse, but I guess you will have to wait and see what I mean in Ivory Rain...
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sunstone-smiles ¡ 2 years ago
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Chipped my finger bone so this took a while to type, but! Hassel is bummed about the whole dragon family legacy thing and his students notice, so they come up with a plan to cheer him up and show how much they care about him. Love your work by the way!
A/N: Thank you Anon! Also, oh nooo! I hope your finger heals soon, or is already healed by the time this comes out! I actually didn’t know about Hassel’s family legacy until I started researching for this request because I haven’t gone back to do all the classes yet, Lol! But I’m glad I did a little research and speed ran Hassel’s art class because now I know more about him! I hope you enjoy!
The Art of Laughter
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Series: Pokemon Scarlet and Violet
Characters: Hassel, Juliana, Nemona, Penny, Arven
Word count: 1,738
Summary: When Juliana and her friends learn of what’s weighing on Hassel's mind, the four students come up with a plan to cheer him up. Enjoy!
—
Mr. Hassel isn’t acting like his usual self. He’s not lecturing with the emotional gusto he regularly speaks with. He’s merely just stating facts as he motions to the stone sculpted Staraptor in the middle of the classroom. Something’s wrong. Definitely wrong. 
Juliana doesn’t like talking during class, but right now it’s important that she gets to the bottom of this. She leans forward to gain the attention of her three desk partners. “Hey! Nemona, Penny, Arven,” she whispers. Nemona perks her head up from the seat beside Juliana, while Penny and Arven do the same from their two seats across. Juliana’s focus on the teacher’s voice becomes muffled. “Does Mr. Hassle seem a bit…different to you today?”
Nemona leans in to whisper back, “Now that you mention it, I do see a difference. What do you think is wrong?” 
“I’m…not exactly sure,” Juliana admits. “He just seems off for some reason…”
“I noticed that too,” Penny leans in to whisper.
“Yeah,” Arven joins the whisper huddle. “It's weird not seeing Mr. Hassel so enthusiastic about art.”
So they were all in agreement. Their teacher is acting differently today. 
Before they can speculate any further, the school bell chimes. 
“Ah, that’s our class for today,” Hassel acknowledges the bell. Many of the students quickly begin packing, some scooping their school materials from the table right into their bags.
“And remember to look over the principles we went over earlier when it comes to the art of Tera Jewels!” the teacher raises his voice over the commotion of shuffling book bags, art supplies, and students leaving their seats. Many wave goodbye to Hassle on their way out, wishing him well for the rest of the day. Hassel returns a wave, but it seems weakened by the glum look in his eyes.
Juliana picks up her bag and signals with a head nod for her friends to stay behind with her. They wait as the rest of their peers empty the classroom, until only four students and their teacher remain. Hassel lets out a quiet sigh and turns to straighten out papers on the white table at the front of the class.
Juliana glances to Arven, Penny, and Nemona, then walks up with her friends towards their teacher.
“Excuse me? Mr Hassel?” Juliana grabs his attention in a very polite tone so as not to startle him.
“Hm? Ah, Juliana,” the art teacher gives her his full attention, also noticing her three other friends gathered around her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see all of you there. Do you have a question?”
“I hope you don’t mind us asking,” Juliana prefaces her question, “but are you feeling alright? We noticed that you were zoning out a little during class, like you were thinking about something else, and we were worried.”
Hassel’s eyes droop a little. “Was I that noticeable? I’m sorry.” He lifts up his head to properly look at his students. “It’s true. I did have my mind on something else,” Hassle admits, “I was…thinking about my family legacy again.”
“Your family?” Juliana blinks. “But Mr. Hassel, I thought you had already made your decision to stay teaching,” she says, worried that he might be rethinking his choice.
“I did, I did! And I’m still happy with that decision, no doubt about it,” Hassel reassures her with vigor that eases her fears. “My mind had just suddenly wandered today about how my family may think of me sometimes.” The teacher’s shoulders slump forward.
Nemona speaks up, “Please don’t worry about that, Mr. Hassel! You’re an amazing teacher! Anyone would be proud to have you as a part of their family tree!”
“That goes double for me, Mr. Hassel!” Arven jumps in, “No question about it!”
“I agree,” Penny comments. “I know what it’s like to worry about what others think. You shouldn’t let it overtake you.”
Hassel puts on a brave smile. “That’s very kind of you all to say. I’m touched.” The emotional teacher holds back his tears. “I’m sure I’ll be alright and get over it eventually. It just takes time,” he glances away. The mind behind his eyes is still clearly cluttered with conflicting thoughts.
Juliana stares down at the floor, feeling defeated. But she won't give up that easily. Her eyes shoot up with determination. “Everyone, huddle up!” she announces to her friends like a leader. The four group together in a circle.
Juliana speaks first in a loud whisper, “There’s got to be something we can do to help Mr. Hassel.”
“Agreed,” Arven nods. “Something to cheer him up.”
“Ooo, good idea!” Nemona quietly expresses her excitement. “I’ll think of some of my best jokes!”
Penny shakes her head. “I’m sorry to say Nemona, but jokes probably won't work in this case. His mind is too preoccupied with his clouded thoughts that the jokes won't land.”
“Dang,” Nemona wracks her brain again. “You’re right.”
“Are we sure there’s nothing we can do?” Juliana looks at her friends with pleading eyes, desperately wanting to find a solution.
“Listen everyone,” Hassel steps forward to interrupt their overheard conversation. “I’m tickled that you want to help me, but I’m not sure what the answer would be to the question right now.”
Upon hearing Hassel’s words, Juliana’s face suddenly lights up; a new idea clings to her mind. 
Juliana signals her friends to quickly huddle up again. They speak in quiet whispers so, this time, Hassel is unable to hear them. As fast as they grouped together, they break away from the circle and turn to look at their teacher. 
Juliana smiles. “You just gave us an answer, Mr. Hassel!”
“Huh?” the man blinks. “I did? What did I say?”
Juliana throws a smile to all of her friends, then another one back to Hassel. Nearly in unison, the four lift up their hands and wiggle their fingers in the air.
Hassel’s eyes immediately widen. “Oh no-”
“Get him!” Juliana exclaims and the four friends pounce forward.
“Wait!” But that’s all Hassel’s able to say before the students surround him on all sides and dive their hands towards him. With a playful yelp, Hassel ends up bursting into giggles as the four start tickling him.
“Yes! The plan is working!” Juliana cheers as Hassel tries to twist away from her fingers scratching at his side.
Arven chuckles while he targets one set of Hassel’s ribs, “It’s working really well!”
Penny chimes in by his other side. “Better than I expected.”
“Yeah!” Nemona exclaims while she’s positioned at Hassel’s second set of ribs. “Mr. Hassel will be fully cheered up in no time!”
By this point, Hassle nearly doubles over in laughter, his arms wrapped around his middle while four sets of hands slip through his defenses to tickle him silly. 
“Hohohold ohohon yohohou fohohour!” He takes a step back to avoid their fingers, but he loses his footing and his arms rotate like windmills before he trips backwards with a “Whoa!”
Hassel crashes onto the ground, then sits himself up on his arms. However, just as he begins to sit up, he’s met with the faces of his students jumping down after him, who playfully tackle him back to the floor.
“Aha! Ha ha! Hey!” Hassel giggles from the contagious, joyful energy radiating from his students. Before he knows it though, the four classmates quickly surround him again and dart their hands towards him to tickle him once more. Juliana and Arven take his ribs and underarms while Penny and Nemona share his sides and belly. Hassle squeals with laughter, twisting from left to right as he attempts to prop himself upwards on his arms, before plopping down again in mirth.
Nemona giggles alongside her teacher, “Who knew that a tough dragon trainer would be so ticklish?”
“Certainly not me,” Penny shakes her head with a smile.
“Yehehehes! Yohohohu’ve discovered my drahagon trainer weheheEAKnehehehess!” Hassel squeaks in the middle of his words when Juliana scratches at the side of his ribs through his vest, his giggling increasing high in volume and his legs reflexively kicking like he was running on air.
“Hehe! I found a weak spot too!” Juliana giggles.
“Nice going, Juliana!” Arven cheers and follows her lead on the other side of his ribs. “We’ve got him now! No more gloominess on our watch!”
“Yohohohou gohohot mehehe! Yohohohu gohot mehehe!!! Hahaha!” Hassel plays along with a big smile on his face.
“What is going on in here?” an authoritative male voice comes from the doorway. The four look up and immediately stop their playful attack on Hassel.
“Mr. Clavell!” the students exclaim all at once upon seeing the white-haired director of the academy.
“What are you four doing?” Clavell says with concern as he walks over to assist Hassel back into a standing position. The four students stand to offer their assistance as well. 
The blonde teacher stumbles to his feet, an arm still wrapped around his middle while he catches his breath through leftover giggles. 
“Are you alright Hassel?” Clavell says as he grabs on to his arm to help stabilize the other man from falling.
“I’m alright,” Hassel says with a few more giggles slipping out. He then sees the four students ahead of him with their worried expressions. “Thanks to them,” he gives a reassuring smile, bright and genuine to show his appreciation. “I was feeling a bit down due to family matters, and the four of them helped me cheer up,” the teacher explains to the director. 
“I see,” Clavell pushes up his glasses, then looks to the four with his arms properly placed behind his back, a small hint of pride for the students in his gaze. “Then I commend you four for your kind actions. However, I would still like you all to apologize to Mr. Hassel for ambushing him unexpectedly and roughhousing in his classroom.”
“Sorry, Mr. Hassel.” The four students sincerely apologize in unison.
Hassel chuckles. “It’s alright. You’re all forgiven.” The students perk up after hearing that. “Now go on, class is dismissed,” the teacher nods towards the door. Juliana, Arven, Penny, and Nemona grab their bags and head out, smiling as they go. 
Before they leave, the four wave goodbye. “Thank you for today’s class, Mr. Hassel!” Juliana says and disappears behind the doorway with her friends. 
Hassel places his arm down from waving back and says to himself in a quiet whisper, “No, thank you all.”
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saffronapplemanga ¡ 2 years ago
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GANGSTA. - ギャングスタ - PART 2
CRIME, ACTION, DRAMA
(8 volumes, hiatus) Mangaka Kohske-sensei is sick and works on updates when she can. There are chapters beyond volume 8 in JP that haven't been collected into a volume yet here.
Available in English here
Anime - Yes. I'll admit it's crunchy, poorly paced, and disappointing because the studio went under literally a few days after it finished airing and it shows, but it’s still fun? They did cut stuff from the manga and there's so much they didn't adapt, so I'd recommend reading it. I'm begging for a remake and a season 2 or something...
Links to my other manga posts here
~Part one of this post is here~
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This is a continuation of my part one post, so go check that out if you haven't and come back here!
Let’s continue talking non-stop about my precious found family trio ❤️
***Trigger warnings for everything you can think of for this series.***
Part one was broken up into: Why You Should Check GANGSTA. Out - What's It About? - Lots And Lots of Character Analysis (And Gushing) - Where It All Began - Nicolas and Nina - "Nice vs. Kind" - Worick and Alex
This part two post will continue the character analysis and is broken up into: Nicolas and Alex - Nicolas and Worick - Nicolas - The Trio and The Scene That Had Me Bawling My Eyes Out - Brief Shoutouts to Characters I Also Want to Talk About, But This Post Is Already Long Enough
***SPOILERS UNTIL CHAPTER 56 FROM HERE ON OUT***
(Note: the manga pages/panels I included for reference are arranged from right to left reading order btw)
Nicolas and Alex
I touched on Nic and Alex's relationship a bit earlier, but let's dig deeper. We established that Nic is having trouble opening up to Alex, and she's having trouble figuring him out. Gradually though, they start to click.
I've already said that one of the ways Nic shows affection is by teasing. Early on in chapter six when the boys are rushing out the door mid-meal, Nic stops halfway out the door, turns around, and signs something to Alex. And if I'm not mistaken, it's the first time he's initiated talking to her. Alex looks up the sign in the book and realizes he said the food was, "So-so." Even though earlier in the same chapter he felt unapproachable and ate alone down in his space, he's making an effort to communicate and thank her for the food... in his own awkward Nicolas-way lol.
At Constance's shop after Alex's withdrawal meltdown with Worick, we can see Nic keeping an eye on Alex from afar. She starts recalling some memories and is on the edge of having a panic attack. At this moment, Nic comes inside the shop to ask Constance for more paint:
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Be still, my beating heart.
I think he asked for the paint as an excuse to casually come closer to Alex. Whether he actually needed more paint or not, he chose this moment to get up from where he was and come inside. After he calms Alex and helps her open the pill bottle, he leaves once she stops trembling, likely to give her some air and not have her feel like he's hovering over her — so that she doesn't feel like she's burdening or worrying them. Since Nic and I have similar love languages/displays of affection, I tend to do the same. I don't like to make a big fuss over something so the other person doesn't feel embarrassed and like they have the spotlight on them. At the same time, I try to make sure they know I'm always around and can come to me when they need to/are ready to.
Next, we have these pages where Alex was helping with a job looking for a lost cat to "earn her keep" when she sees a Twilight child being beaten and about to be SA-ed by Normals. She steps in and whacks one of them to allow the child to escape, but she's up against three big guys and gets caught. Luckily, Nic comes in the nick of time hehe:
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I can't believe they cut this out of the anime... Nic is a cat whisperer but Alex is not a Nic whisperer... yet, LOL. She'll get there. And him constantly pickpocketing the people he knocks out is so funny. But also it’s sad because it’s a habit he picked up as a kid to survive.
I know I sound like a broken record, but I love the casual kindness in this series. Nic saves Alex and the child, and gives her the cat and the money he pickpocketed from the men. Then he gave some to the child and walked away. The way he did all this sort of reminded me of this saying that’s found in the Abrahamic religions that goes, "Give without letting your left hand know what your right hand is doing." Except Nic is a leftie lol. This saying is about not seeking a reward for doing something good. To not “announce” your good deeds for attention. Nic does what he does, doesn't make a big deal of it, and just goes about his business (it's "nice vs. kind" again!). Alex stands against injustice even when it put her in great danger. In this case, she put herself in danger for a Twilight she didn't even know, and I'm sure Nic appreciates that.
Even though Alex is struggling to get on Nic's wavelength, it doesn't stop her from trying. She takes the initiative to learn sign language when she's alone. Before heading home from the clinic together, Alex stops Nic to convey her feelings about her situation, but in sign. It's her first attempt at signing a full conversation. Nic waits for her to finish without interrupting her, but then says, "Idiot. Your signing sucks. I can't understand it. Try again. And quit being so rough with that book. It's the only copy we have." To me, it sounds like Nic knew that Alex was studying sign, and he appreciates her effort and is teasing like he always does. They're starting to meet each other halfway more and more.
When Alex regains her memories and passes out from a panic attack, we get this scene:
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This is an example of what I meant by, "I try to make sure they know I'm always around and can come to me when they need to/are ready to." He's just there, quietly watching over her when she's in a vulnerable state. He chose to read his book in Worick's room next to her instead of the living room or his room. It's such a simple gesture — a reassuring presence at a time when she's working through her trauma, waiting by her side with a comforting drink in hand.
A scene I adored was this:
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Kohske-sensei, once again killing it with conveying things through wordless pages.
After comforting a grieving Nina, Nic takes her to Bastard to watch Alex sing. He leans against the speakers so he can feel the vibrations of her performance in an effort to connect to Alex since he can't hear her singing. If this isn't the cutest thing... idk what is...
Also, this:
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A little bit after leaving Bastard, Nic's 'roided out on Theo's drug and is about to do some reckless shit. He's leaping over the rooftops to his destination and we get this page of him drifting in the air... humming the tune of Alex's song... AHHHH!!!
Nicolas and Worick
I talked about the Handymen and their relationships with other characters, but what about with each other? As early as the first page of chapter two, we already get hints that Nic and Worick have a... complicated relationship.
From their banter and how they bounce off each other, we can tell these two are beyond close. But the more we progress, the more we see how close. Worick usually presents a silly, charming, and laid-back attitude, so it's jarring when we see him seriously snap at the girl badmouthing Nic at the brothel. It's kind of scary to see him like that. Time and time again, we see how protective he is of Nic. When one of his clients suggests that Nic should "join them" Worick declines and is angry on the inside. He thinks to himself that Nic isn't a sex worker. While Nic couldn't join Worick in working at the brothel, Pussy, because no Twilights are allowed, I get the feeling Worick wouldn’t have let him anyway. He's traumatized by his sex work and seems to keep Nic out of it. Hell, he owns Nic and he could have made him sell himself, but my impression is that he's against it. Maybe I'm reaching, idk.
With their backstory, we learn a lot about them, how they met, why they are the way they are, and more. I love that Worick took Nic in and gave him the education he never had. They bond as children and become friends, but we can see SO MANY times, Nic bows to Worick. I've lost count of how many times he does it. I think this is because his whole life, Nic has been taught to obey his "master" which was usually his father, and now, Worick. Now, these two hurt little boys are brought together, and they need one another to survive.
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Worick asks, "Why don't you run away?" and, "How can you act so calm?" There are various reasons Nic hasn't run away and acts calm, so allow me:
Worick doesn't know yet at this point, but Nic's father, Gaston Brown, has his supply of Cerebret. Nic can't source it himself and would die without it if he ran away.
He's a child. Where would he even go? He has nowhere to go.
He's acting "calm" because, to him, this is his "normal". It's not unusual for victims of abuse to not register things they experienced as abuse. If that's the only perspective they've known and have been conditioned to, it becomes their "normal". Or some believe they "deserve" that treatment. Worick's "normal" also consists of constant abuse, but he at least has a contrasting point of reference in his brother who gets treated much better than he does. Nic doesn't have that.
No matter how terrible, Gaston Brown is his father at the end of the day. It can be ridiculously hard to cut parents out, even when you hate them. This applies to Worick as well, but I'm going to expand on this point more in a bit.
I'm sure Worick was asking these questions out of frustration, perhaps asking himself those questions rather than actually directing them at Nic who he knows isn't listening.
The two are suffering abuse at the hands of their fathers, but the abuse isn't just physical. Although, that's the most obvious form that they are both experiencing at the same time:
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It's common for victims of physical abuse to say, "I fell," or say they had an accident when asked about their injuries. Worick is the first to bring up the topic in chapter 13 (right page) as he's been observing Nic and his behaviors more and more. Nic pauses before coming up with a lie, saying that he, "...fell down". I wouldn't be surprised if he was told to either hide that his father was abusing him or maybe he thinks it was his fault and takes the blame for his injuries. Worick understands what he actually means though. It's glaringly obvious that Nic's arm has been stomped on by someone wearing military boots. Then in chapter 15 (left page) after Nic comes back from a battle, he asks what happened to Worick. And Worick mirrors Nic's response of, "I fell." I think Nic knows about Worick being beaten by this point, and his asking was more like, I'm the one that just came back from war. What the heck happened to you? Are you okay? Or something along those lines.
After this, the boys really start to get along, even more than before. They enjoy each other's company and feel comfortable with one another. They understand each other in a way no one else around them does. But then, Worick learns that Nic is a Twilight, and he's been taught that Twilights are monsters. At first, he's in denial when he finds out but ultimately challenges his teachings. He's spent time and shared intimate moments with this so-called "monster" and quickly works towards saving Nic from his father. So, he buys Nic's contract and a supply of Cerebret.
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This scene... stomped on my heart. After being injured in a battle he, A 12 YEAR OLD CHILD, was forced to fight in, Nic wakes up, leaving the bed and assuming his spot on the floor — like he's been "trained" to do (more on this in the next section... ugh.) He rips out his IV and runs out in the rain calling after his father, clinging to the bars of the fence... only to be thrown away for money and called a monster. His expression on the last page killed me. That's the face of a child who still hoped for their parent to show them love, even after everything they had done to them. Yes, Worick has saved him from his father's tyranny, but part of him still hoped...
The next day, Worick has been beaten once again. Nic has been "freed" but not actually. As Worick says, "Great, nothing's changed at all." (This is a theme that comes up constantly.) Nic is still a child soldier who's a slave and Worick is still his father's punching bag. Nic's response? He signs, "Should I kill him?" referring to Worick's father, as it is now time to free Worick from his abusive situation. It's also the only thing he knows how to do. Nic snaps the next time Worick's father beats him, killing the whole family. Worick is in a panic, "Father, it wasn't me! Please believe me, Father..." and he seems angry at Nic. When he tells him, "I won't allow you to die that easy! You're going to hurt real bad before you die! The worst kind of pain you can imagine! That's an order!" he's taking out his frustration on Nic while also begging him to not die and leave him behind. Nic is Worick's only friend after all. The expression on Nic's face when he gets yelled at is interesting. At first his eyes are open wide, then he relaxes his face accepting what Worick says. It reminds me of his face when his father left. It's worth pointing out that Nic's previous master was a white/blonde man with an eyepatch who was bigger than him and was rough with him. And now his new master is too.
I think... Worick is ultimately glad his father is gone, but he's conflicted. The thing with some relationships, especially family/parent-child relationships, is that it's never that simple. No matter how terrible, a child will always crave the love of their parent. Somewhere inside, they hope that a crumb of affection will come their way. Often times in abusive relationships, it isn't always all bad. The abusive parent can still have moments where they are good to the child victim and show care and gentleness. The child is powerless to run away, powerless to fight back, and naturally seeks the love of the parent, so they don't have much choice other than to endure and hope for "good times" to make their appearance.
While I was writing this, I was skimming through the manga again to refresh my memory and I saw this page at the end of vol.3 that I either missed or completely forgot about that supports what I'm saying:
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Apparently, Worick's picture is only in the Japanese volumes.
Gaston Brown is... hugging Nic. I think... this is the only time we see Nic smile as a child. And he did put the last name "Brown" on Nic's tag. Did he see him as his son, even a little? I want to mention that the flashback is all from Worick's POV, and we never directly see Gaston physically abuse Nic. Worick's POV could be skewing our perception of Nic's story and he might be projecting his experience with abuse onto Nic, assuming it was Gaston when it could've been the other men. I could argue points in Gatson's defense, believe it or not. Like how he actually told the guys to lay off of Nic, or maybe he sold him to Worick because they could take care of him better than he could, and so on and so forth. Still a piece of shit and not father-of-the-year or anything, and this could totally not be the case. It's something to think about but I'll leave it there for now.
The same is true for Worick. He's had nice moments with his father as well. But now, there is no chance Worick can ever hope to have a relationship with his father. While no longer being terrorized, the boys lost all hope for parental affection as well as any kind of familial support system. It's normal to feel great loss and regret. It reminds me of Ash's relationship with his father from Banana Fish, and that One Piece character who had a dedicated arc semi-recently (I don't wanna spoil anyone, but if you know, you know). Like Ash and in One Piece, Nic and Worick were failed by their parents and pushed to desperate measures to survive. But ultimately, all these characters can't bring themselves to completely hate their parents and feel nothing for them. It's harder than it seems to throw your family away even when you hate them. Whenever people are like, "Just cut your parents off! They're not the boss of you!" it's like... shut up, it's complicated.
Surely now, things will be on the up and up now that they're out of those terrible situations, right?
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Wrong.
Worick is selling himself to support them, and Nic is frankly a burden. His medication is expensive, he can't work regular jobs, and all he knows how to do is fight and kill. Worick is excited to take Nic somewhere where they can get something decent to eat, and to eat together at a place that allows Twilights. But he rounds the corner and sees that his friend is beaten and bruised. And Nic says it himself, "All of it is pointless." (Again, this is a constant theme.) They're constantly stuck in a crappy situation. They're NOT free even after running away. They're still two scared little kids with no support system, fending for themselves just like before. And Twilights will always be oppressed. They'll always be slaves. The whole Three Laws is a facade to "free" the Twilights when in reality that's not the case. It's probably why Chad says he doesn't like the Three Laws and not to talk about them around him. Even if Worick didn't own him, Nic and the other Twilights would be slaves to the system.
In the current timeline, the boys are doing pretty well for themselves. Their business/home, their neutral status, and freelancer flexibility are PEAK luxuries. If you look at their current lifestyle and think, "Man, they live in a shitty place and their jobs kinda suck," then I say to you, that you haven't tasted poverty and desperation. I always get pissy when I see those, "I tried living on poverty wages for a month!" things because... fuck you. One of the worst parts about poverty is that there's no end in sight. You can slave away day in and day out and not get anywhere. There's no promise of "moving up" if you just work hard enough. But if you KNOW it's over in a month or even a year or more? You can pace yourself and stick it out. That's nothing. That's EASY. At least there's an end in sight. But even if you get out, you always live in fear of slipping and going back. Anyone who thinks poverty is caused by people being lazy or whatever is just exposing how ignorant they are. Poverty is a failure of society — all of us as a society are failing the poor and oppressed. Poverty is a form of violence, and not a failure of the individual. I don't want to harp on about this for too long, but just know, I'm proud of the boys and I love their crappy little home and wish them luck on their morally dubious jobs.
But, these two are codependent on each other while also having some awkward power dynamics. Nic needs Worick to be his contract holder to afford him as much "freedom" as he has, and to keep others from using him. Early on, he relied on Worick to provide for them. Worick needs Nic to keep him safe, and I'd argue that Worick would've been taken out for his "storage" ability being a liability ages ago if it wasn't for Nic's presence being a threat. Beyond bodily survival, they need one another in terms of emotional well-being and keeping each other in check. They're aware of their "master/Twilight" positions and for the most part, do well to thrive together despite it. It does come up though and continues to be a point of contention in their relationship.
Back to the Arcangelo family massacre, maybe part of Worick was angry at himself for not being able to do anything and Nic having to dirty his hands. Plus the way Nic killed everyone was... gruesome. It proved to Worick what Nic was capable of and that he really is a Twilight, a monster, and all of this shocked him. The boys were friends, but after the massacre, part of Worick likely hated Nic and he was cruel to him in some ways (as we see more of in the Blu-ray manga where Worick even calls Nic his dog. He was playing along with Monroe, but still...) There's definitely resentment. You could say Nic ruined his life as much as he saved him.
However, two years later (I'm assuming after the attack on Monroe), we get a scene of Worick crying to Chad as Nic is hospitalized, and I believe he starts to realize once again that Nic is just a kid and not an invincible monster. He realizes that throwing Nic into that situation with his planned attack on Monroe almost got his only friend killed for real (which might be why Monroe later says that Nic attacked him for his master's sake, that bothers Worick because he now sees them as friends). At this point, their relationship takes another turn.
The reality is that he's still technically Nic's master, but they're friends too. So now they went from friends, to master/slave, and now to master/friends. It's an awkward line to walk, and Worick is trying his best to keep it more on the friendship side. Like, when he tells Nic not to make him give orders because he doesn't like flexing his role as master. No matter what, the legal ownership of Nic is always hovering over them. It's... complicated... good lord.
I do find it interesting to think about how Worick is probably the first person who treated Nic normally at first because he didn't know he was a Twilight. Nic probably never experienced that any other time.
One last thing — I love that they got matching tattoos because it was to cover the serial numbers on Nic's back and Worick got one too. I think it was Worick's idea because Nic doesn't seem like the type that would bother. Cute...
I know I mainly talked about their past together and there's so much subtle stuff from the present like their conversation at Connie's place and Worick hitting Nic with the hammer to test his sense of pain. But maybe another time or else we're gonna be here all day. I could literally analyze this series page by page, panel by panel.
Nicolas
Now, I'd like to further break down aspects of Nic's character I have yet to cover in this section dedicated to him because he's my baby girl.
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Worick's family had it coming. If only Nic took out his own dad while he was at it.
I am not deaf, nor will I pretend to truly understand what it's like for those in the deaf/hard-of-hearing community. I can only give my perspective on the portrayal of Nicolas as someone trying to relate and understand from my limited knowledge, my own experience with disability, and through my experience with a deaf relative of mine. So please keep that in mind whenever I address that aspect of Nic. If I got something wrong, please let me know! I’m always open to learning more.
Nic expresses himself differently than Worick, from his mannerisms, how he shows kindness, etc. Why is he the way he is? I've seen some people say that he doesn't show a lot of emotion. While I do think he was emotionally stunted from childhood, he actually displays a lot of emotion. He's just more subtle about it, except for when he wants to fight I guess.
From the start, he gives off a feral kind of energy. Nic has an itch for battle, yes, but it also shows in his body language in his daily life and how he acts outside of battle.
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I know I call him an animal here, but I say it affectionately, I swear. I want to throw hands with his dad who treated him like a literal animal (ง’̀-‘́)ง But we'll get to that... They cut this detail out of the anime too!
A panel that stood out to me early on is this:
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Nic often curls up on furniture, like when he sat next to Nina on the couch. But here when he's alone, he's hunched over his food, not even properly sitting on the loveseat. He sits downstairs alone to eat instead of joining Worick and Alex. Worick mentions that, "I've known him since we were kids, but we've only been eating together for the past two or three years." Later at the end of one of the volumes, we get a layout of the Handymen's home and it turns out Nic doesn't have a bed. His "room" is the open space by the kitchen and his "bed" is either the loveseat or he just sleeps on the floor. It's like... he doesn't know how to sit "normally" or behave in a "typical" manner sometimes.
Listen, I sleep on the floor with a Japanese-style futon and I'm that kid that has to sit cross-legged on everything — couches, desk chairs, those insufferably uncomfortable science class/art studio stools, you name it. But Nic's body language was telling me that he's been hurt and abused before I even got any info on his backstory.
Sure enough, his backstory proved me right.
We talked about the physical abuse Nic and Worick went through, but there's more to it than just that. Worick is also being emotionally abused by being othered and hated for being the result of his father's infidelity. Nic is being abused on so many levels — he hasn't been given any kind of education (abuse!), his medication is being kept from him and he's only given enough to barely function (medical child abuse), his mother was killed by his father and he was taken to be a child soldier (yikes...), and he's being treated like a literal dog! OH MY GOD!!!
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His feet don't even reach the floor... How could you be so cruel to this child...
Multiple times, we see that Nic goes out of his way to come down off of furniture and curl up on the floor as if he was a dog that got scolded, and to take up as little room as possible. Worick realizes that Gatson Brown probably "trained" Nic to do this, so he tells him he doesn't have to do that around him. He can just sit on the chair. Nic nods in response but he keeps getting down and sitting on the floor again and again. It's like it's been hardwired and beat into him — engrained into him, and he's having a hard time breaking the habit.
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When Nic wakes up after passing out, he looks startled. Normally, I'd think that he's reacting to Worick finding out that he's a Twilight, but Nic can't hear them and likely can't read their lips from where he is. Maybe he could tell from their body language? But to me, this feels like he woke up and thought, Why am I in a bed? Oh no, I should get out of this bed before anyone sees me. I'll get in trouble. I'm doing a lot of assuming here, but that's my impression because the first thing he does is jump out of bed and curl up on the floor next to the IV stand. He flips through the book and lingers on the signs for "Family/Father". Then he gets up, rips the IV out, and runs outside to chase after his father. That's when we get the heart-wrenching scene where he's abandoned that we discussed in the previous section.
The abuse that takes form in Nic's lack of education and accommodations for his disability is something that got me REAL heated. Like, yeah, the child soldier thing is horrible but I don't think I need to expand on why... I touched on education in my Tenmaku no Jadoogar: A Witch's Life in Mongol post, but in summary, education is a human right! Access to language is a human right! A deaf child not having access to language is child abuse! Whether it's spoken or sign language, they need to be able to convey their wants and needs and communicate with those around them. Humans are social beings! I've seen firsthand a mere glimpse of what a deaf child who hasn't been given proper access to language goes through, and I raised hell over it! I won't get into details out of respect for their privacy. I can only imagine how lonely and isolated Nic must have been his whole life. His deafness and language deprivation can also be symbolic of Twilights not having a voice in society.
And I want to be clear that I'm not saying deaf or hard-of-hearing individuals need hearing aids or cochlear implants or anything like that (Nic probably couldn't get some anyways, but that's not the point). Deafness isn't something that needs to be "fixed" because there's no such thing. Whether one wants to utilize medical devices, wants to learn spoken language/speech therapy, wants to learn sign language, and how they want to use them in whatever combination is a deeply personal choice. These are all tools and some people in the deaf and hard-of-hearing community chose not to use medical devices of any kind. Some, like Nic, prefer sign language over speaking. They should be presented with their options and be able to choose what suits their needs best.
Why is he always itching for a fight? My opinion? It’s all he knew for so long and he's depressed and needs to feel something. The whole thing about the Cerebret making him numb and lose feeling reminds me of the numbness you feel when depressed so that could be symbolism or something? Also... I think Nic might be kinda suicidal... Like in a trying-to-get-himself-killed and having self-destructive tendencies kinda way if that makes sense. He's accepted his fate of dying young, of always being seen as a monster.
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Seeing Nic say something so profoundly sad, echoing himself as a child, while simultaneously having people around who love him do everything they can to help is just… heartbreaking. He feels hopeless. This goes back to what I said in the previous section about how Nic knows he and the Twilights will never be free no matter what.
Despite this, he's still SO KIND!!! A scene that turned on the waterworks for me is this:
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He's having seizures and is in extreme pain. Theo is about to call the test off but Nic stops him. He knocks the downer out of Theo's hand since using it would ruin the test results. Then, he grits his teeth and smiles, points to Yang indicating to Theo, I'm fine. Go help him. Now that he's accepted his death that's coming sooner rather than later, he's offering his body to help Theo figure out how to help other Twilights...
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Nic is a perfect representation of what Twilights face in this world. From being born to be a weapon, being oppressed and abused, having no voice, and even the manga not having much of his perspective. The past was Worick's POV and the present is a lof of Alex's POV. Nic's POV is pretty much just his memories of Veronica. We don't get to hear from him about what he thinks very often, and most of the time we have to infer a lot of things. He fascinates me and I want to learn more about him!!!
The Trio and The Scenes From Ch 43 and 56 That Had Me Bawling My Eyes Out
Note: I read the post-vol. 8 chapters in Japanese. I'll be using my own translations for the post-vol. 8 chapters I'm referencing.
We get various moments throughout the series of the trio interacting. Most of the notable moments have been one on one — either Nic/Worick, Nic/Alex, or Alex/Worick. The scenes I want to talk about here are ones where things start to… converge (?) in a way. Like, things regarding the three of them coming together? I’m not quite sure how to put it. Hopefully, as I talk about the scenes, things will start to make sense.
Chapter 43 was relentless, from beginning to end. We check in with where the trio are mentally/emotionally. While separated from one another in this chapter, they’re all… really going through it at this point, to put it mildly.
First up is Worick, who has just made some WILD moves in the story. Like, holy shit, Worick!!! I trust you sweetie, but what’s going on in that big beautiful head of yours? I was anxious when he found out about Monroe's betrayal and he made a face I'm used to seeing on Nic, but not Worick himself — an unhinged grin that says, Oh, I'm about to fuck shit up. And I was nervously laughing like... haha, what're you gonna do Worick...? Oh no... I have a bad feeling about this. AND THEN HE ROLLED UP WITH MILES' HEAD IN A BAG! And wants to see Uranos Corsica! WORICK!!?! He's doing a convincing job of making everyone think that he's siding with Corsica, the notorious Twilight-hater.
While I have to say, Worick is scaring me a bit, I don't doubt him at all. He's constantly shown what a wonderful person he is. He's gone above and beyond to protect Nic and doesn't let people speak ill of his partner. And it's precisely in the midst of Worick taking frightening, extreme measures that we get this scene:
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Sometimes, murder is moral, kids. But his face... the way he hesitated to hug her back...
It opens with a flashback of Worick in his teens having just stabbed a man who was cruel to Twilights and he's taking it upon himself to stand up for them. We've been shown that Worick hates the discrimination against Twilights despite having been taught to hate and fear them before he met Nicolas. And now, I'm genuinely worried for him because he could very much get himself killed. Nic's not with him. No one is. He's doing this alone. Big Mama is on his side, but she still works under Corsica.
Speaking of Nic, I don't think Worick filled him in on whatever the plan is. Nic was passed out after having a seizure when Worick decided to raise hell against Monroe. He's the next in the trio we check in with. But right before we do, we see Chad on the phone with Gina where he's forced to acknowledge that he's helpless to do anything for the suffering Twilights. He remembers what Nicolas said as a child — "All of it is pointless." I'm not crying.
Back at the clinic, Nic is still out of commission from the experimental drug's side effects. He's remembering the night he killed Worick's family and Worick yelling at him. Nina puts her hands on his shaking ones, trying to soothe him:
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Just fuck me up... Don't make that face... Theo, I’m gonna need you to come in clutch and figure something out. Can we get this man a juicy research budget or something…?😩💦
Nic, once again, looks so hopeless. So defeated. He's accepted his fate. He still wants to help the other Twilights. *Punches the wall* DAMNIT STOP HURTING MY BOY LIKE THIS!
Theo says Nic's contract has been "voided" and Nic says, "My master is going to a place where he doesn't need a Twilight anymore" while looking distraught in my opinion. That line makes it sound like he may have some idea of what Worick is doing. Or a more depressing interpretation is that he thinks he's useless and has been tossed aside, but I refuse to entertain that idea. And then he says he still has an order to follow. I think this is in reference to what Worick told him that night Nic killed his family — "I won't allow you to die that easy! You're going to hurt real bad before you die! The worst kind of pain you can imagine! That's an order!" Like, You're not allowed to die on me. I also think the order might be to keep Alex safe and get her out of the city (which is why he’s looking at the blood under his nails where he accidentally scratched her). And I want to point out that even though his contract is voided, Nic from this point on keeps constantly calling Worick his master. Maybe it's a sense of loyalty, or because he doesn't want Worick to leave him behind. I honestly can't say for sure, but it hurts me... I'm holding my head in my hands right now... ugh...
Finally, we have Alex closing the chapter. She comes back to Handymen HQ with the intention of it being the last time — "Barry, you were right. I was crazy to think I'd found a place where I belonged. I've never had a home I could come back to. And I'm sure this time, I'll never come back here again." I'm NOT crying. But then, she finds a beheaded body the moment she walks through the door.
I gotta say, I laughed a little here because the first thing Alex does after realizing what she’s looking at is to lock the door and close the window shutters. Her first instinct is to try and make sure nobody finds out that one of the boys BEHEADED A MAN in their living room. I mean, yeah she was freaked out by the body, but more so than that, she didn’t want the boys to get in trouble for murder!!! Whether she thinks they did it or not is unclear, but even if they did, it doesn’t matter to her! She trusts them 100%!!! She did meet them murdering Barry and all, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Alex, you boobalicious babe, you’re such a real one!!!!! She might make a great getaway driver, tbh.
Anyways, back to the scenes ruining my life:
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By this point in the chapter, I��m just sitting in front of a tissue box with a pile of used tissues in my lap… I’m reading through tears. I can’t see shit.😭😭😭
Right after she tries to cover the boys’ asses for homicide, her train of thought goes down memory lane. Her eyes wander around the room, recalling her life since Barry, and the men who saved her from the streets of Ergastulum, asking for nothing in return. We see a note from Worick and an envelope of money he left for Alex, bloody hand prints everywhere. Even in the midst of him BEHEADING A MAN IN THE LIVING ROOM, making some extremely risky moves, and heading into the lion’s den, he still thought of Alex — not wanting her to get wrapped up in their mess and the turmoil that's enveloping the city. I am bouncing off the walls, crying, screaming… I love them....... The care and love they all have for each other is... *sobbing*
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Before moving onto the scene from chapter 56 that I've literally made my desktop background, I wanted to dig a little further into whatever Worick is planning, so I'm going to jump to chapters 50-51.
I said that I don't think Worick filled Nic in on the plan, so I was wondering how Nic felt about what his partner was up to. We get a scene where he looks shocked when he's told, "Your contract holder, Storage (Worick), has committed taboo." And I'M over here like, Nic, are we freaking out? Are we chill? What’s the vibe buddy? I can’t tell if we’re in trouble or not...
But then:
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He smiled. Okay, so Nic seems okay with this. Now I can breathe a little.
The flashback scenes of the boys when they were working for Monroe show that they had a good relationship with Miles. It looks like they genuinely cared for each other. Miles even says that if his son was still alive, it would be nice if he was like Worick. So while I still have faith that Worick knows what he's doing, and after being reassured by Nic's smile, I must say the flashback portion did add salt to the wound. At first, when Worick shows up with the head, I started to think if there was any possibility that he didn't actually kill Miles and that it was a trick or something. Later, however, at the end of chapter 43, we check in with Alex and see the beheaded body at the Handymen's home. Unless there's some kind of twist, I guess he really did kill him and that makes me sad after seeing these flashback pages. Now I'm wondering how Worick feels about everything. He's clearly under a lot of pressure. I'd like to see more from him in future chapters about all this.
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And now, the scenes that've been living rent-free in my head...
Captured by the Paulklee Guild, Nic and Alex have some tender af moments. In chapter 53, Alex wakes up and immediately starts asking about Nic's injuries and apologizes for not being able to do anything. He cuts her off by placing the back of his hand over her mouth and responds with this:
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Nic: "You missed your chance to hightail it out of here again, slowpoke."
Alex: "...Yeah... I guess I did."
I LOVE THEM!!!🥺❤️
This is the most... what do you even call it? Tender? Loving? Casually comfortable? Whatever it is, they are totally clicking now!!! And it continues in this scene that had me kicking my feet and crying buckets in chapter 56:
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Alex: "He's even got scars behind his ears..."
Nic: "...WhAT?"
Alex: "I always thought you were completely different from him."
Nic: "WhAT abOUt NOw?"
Alex: "You suck."
Nic: "Heh."
"No need for you to answer the phone anymore. So what do you wanna do now? You can go back to being a prostitute, or keep chasing after my master. If you wanna keep playing diva, that's fine too. If you wanna break out of here, I'll make it happen."
Alex: "Hm..."
Nic: "ChoOSe wHAteVer yOu WAnt, bECaUse yoU'Re diffERenT fRoM Us."
Alex: "...Yeah."
When she reaches for him, Nic's reflex is to grab Alex's hand when he feels something approaching from behind. Then he notices her hand is injured from when he hurt her during his seizure. There are panels of him before this looking at blood under his nails, probably from digging them into Alex's hand. He lets go and signs, "Sorry." I want to point out, there's NO text box for this sign. I don't know any Japanese sign language other than "thank you" because this manga taught me that one. That's a lie, I also know "kill" which is sure to come in handy. But it's incredible how I know that he signed "sorry" without knowing the sign for it. They didn't put a text box for that sign and they didn't need to! So good. Peak. This is peak fiction I say unironically. They joke and banter while in a grim situation, and it's tooth-rottingly sweet.
Nic, who’s usually on guard, is completely relaxed now. He lets Alex caress him. Worick, who usually has a calm and cool facade on, is tense after his nightmare, unable to keep his usual mask up. He too, lets Alex caress him, and we get mirrored pages of Nic in the current moment and Worick from chapter 16. They trust her and Alex is trusting them after suffering abuse at the hands of others, growing closer to them. All three of them allow themselves to have some vulnerability with one another after living such harsh lives, constantly clawing to survive.
Then, Nic tells Alex to do whatever her heart desires. Whatever she wants, he'll make it happen. She's "different" and doesn't have to be stuck in this crappy cycle like them. But she looks a bit upset when he says this. Like she's mad he thinks they're doomed to live a hopeless existence and to suggest she abandon them for her own sake. I'm hoping that now Alex is mostly recovered from her withdrawals, we'll get to see more of her kindness with the boys and helping them in their time of need like they did for her.
They're so soft.........
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I personally don’t perceive any of the intimate scenes we get throughout the manga as romantic. I don’t think there’s going to be a love triangle or that Alex is going to get paired up with one of the Handymen. Especially with the mirrored pages of Nic and Worick from Alex’s point of view in chapter 56 shows she loves them the same. I can understand why people would see these scenes as romantic, because honestly, they’re more “romantic” and emotional than a lot of romances out there. While talking to my friend, I jokingly referred to this as “platonic romance/romanticized friendship” where you love your homies and family so much and feel you’re able to bare your soul to them. I’m aware that Kohske-sensei has drawn old art of Nic and Alex as a couple, but that isn’t canon so I’m not counting it. You can ship your characters and not make them a couple in canon lol. But if she does go that route, I trust her to do it well.
Brief Shoutouts to Characters I Also Want to Talk About, But This Post Is Already Long Enough
Nina
I already talked about Nina in part one so I won’t say much more. But what’s up with her? Does she have some One Piece Haki powers or something??? Is there something you’d like to share with the class, Nina?
Theo
I’d like to think that Theo isn’t being as reckless with the experimental drug as it seems. We’ve seen that Theo is much kinder than he lets on. He obviously loves Nina (whenever he wraps his lab coat around her, it's so damn cute!!!) and he’s made it his mission to help the oppressed Twilights, even going as far as to make his own generic Cerebret which puts a target on his back. So yeah, Theo is great and I’m hoping he figures out a way to let Nic and the other Twilights live long, healthy lives. And there's a lot about Twilight biology that we don't know, and I hope Theo gets some answers. In particular, I'm curious about their psychology, especially after what happened with Delico and Monroe. And since a lot of the story leans towards a Worick-centric perspective, I want to know more about what Nic's thinking.
Marco and Constance
I want to say a lot but I’m still in mourning right now so I’m just gonna say — Marco, Connie, you guys were such badasses and deserved better… I know Marco was a war criminal but that wasn’t his fault and he’s a sweet guy now, so we’re going to overlook it!
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Kohske-sensei, how could you… I actually thought they’d survive.
Loretta
You know the cliche line that goes like, “Someone’s gotta make the hard choices,” or whatever? Yeah, that’s basically what Gina is doing in the latest chapters when she’s refusing to open the guild’s doors to the civilian Twilights. The thing is, people who do this are never making the actual hard choice. What they’re doing is easy — just sacrifice people you don’t care about and turn the other way. Especially easy if you don't have a big guilty conscience. Yes, Gina makes some points about why, and she’s not wrong, but I stand by what I said.
But Loretta? Nah, my girl Loretta is making the real hard choices. Characters who make choices like Gina see two options: A) Help people and inconvenience myself/cause myself to fall with them. B) Oh well. It’s unfortunate but what can you do? — not Loretta though. Those options are unacceptable so she chooses “Option C”, also known as the actual hard choice.
“Option C” in any narrative (and in real life as well) is always the one that takes the most effort and the most commitment. You have to forge the path for “Option C” yourself. Loretta is going to have to put a ton of work in and stay on top of things if she’s going to have any chance of success. Thankfully, not only is she amazing, she’s wise enough to know she can’t do it alone and asks Gina to release Nic, Alex, Nina, and Theo so they can lend a hand.
LORETTA SWEETIE YOU’RE DOING AMAZING! When she was calling Gina out to “make the humane choice” with that look in her eyes, I was like, DAMN GIRL, GET HER ASS! I am rooting for you sis!!!
Veronica
Everyone seems to be blaming the Handymen, and Nic in particular for whatever happened to Veronica. We don't have much to work with, but part of me thinks that Nic and Veronica both had/have the bad habit of overdosing and it didn't end well for her. Like, she bit off more than she could chew and they both had self-destructive tendencies? Maybe... idk. When Gina shot Nic full of downers that one time, she did say, "I believe I've already told you to quit overdosing on Cerebret. Especially the uppers. Do you want to end up like Veronica?" I think Gina cares about him even if she would never admit it, dawww. There is more to it though, but we don't have enough info right now. And I need to stew on her for a while, so I don't have much to say at the moment.
Monroe
The way Monroe spoke about Delico was… a red flag. He likely did the same with Nic. In the Blu-ray extra manga, we see a bit of how he talks about Nic in a similar way when he was a child. Monroe isn’t much different than Gaston Brown. He’s a father figure who uses people, particularly Twilights, as tools/weapons. He’s abusive and manipulative. But his way of going about it is different. He’s won the affection of those he abuses because of his charm and giving a place of belonging and a support system to those who have nothing. These are common reasons why people join gangs in real life as well, but I won’t get into that here. It would be interesting to see more of how the Handymen’s relationship was with Monroe when they were younger. I wonder if they were to look back, would they start to realize signs of his manipulation from their childhoods with their current perspective?
Everyone else
Shoutout to everyone I didn’t name. I love a lot of the characters in GANGSTA. and those who I don’t love, I still find interesting. But, my shoulders hurt so let’s end it here.
I'm... Done...
I feel like I could have picked apart the characters more, panel by panel, and there's stuff in GANGSTA: Cursed, but I had to stop somewhere.
I'm super happy that I finished catching up to this series on chapter 56. I loved the chapter as I've made abundantly clear already, and I can't wait to see how things shake out. So many questions I want answered!
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Godspeed, my son.
If you’ve made it this far… you’re a real one 🫡
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bisexualmaedhros ¡ 11 months ago
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hi hero could you do a character of your choice from tlt for that character opinion bingo!!!! much love 🖤
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ILY NOV THANK YOU FOR THE EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT THEM… i’ll give some bonus thoughts under the cut in case anyone is curious lol
HARROW: god she reminds me so much of like. myself if i’d been raised catholic and also worse. i’ll leave this vague for anyone who wants to be unspoiled for the series but something about the way she talks to The Body in the second book hit so close to home it felt like it dug up something i didn’t know existed. i’m still not sure what it is. harrow appeals to the side of me that is not a kind sweetie but instead a lonely bitterie. i will be cosplaying her at a convention in january with my partner’s gf going as griddle and i’m so excited
GIDEON: i want her to [REDACTED] me.
IANTHE: i want her to [REDACTED] me and i hate her. i think about ianthe so much. i want to know what her deal is so bad; her and corona both. she mystifies me and most importantly, she is so pathetic. not saying anything new here ofc but god.
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fwishbone ¡ 2 years ago
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what the Raven cycle 😮
This is gonna be so hard to condense bc this is one of my favorite series of all time, and there is so much going on in it, but I’ll try to explain it as simply and straightforwardly as I can:
The Raven Cycle is a four-book YA series written by Maggie Stiefvater and first published in 2012. It follows a group of teenagers (Blue, Gansey, Noah, Adam, and Ronan) exploring rural Henrietta, Virginia on a quest to wake a sleeping Welsh King named Glendower. But it’s also about the power of friendship and love across time, and that time is a circle, and that dreams are magic, and and and I could go on!
The first book, The Raven Boys, immediately explains that Blue has been told by every psychic she meets that if she kisses her true love, he will die—and so Blue makes it a rule to never kiss boys, just in case she meets the one! And then enter our four Raven Boys, who attend a nearby all-boys private school called Aglionby, and things start to get complicated and strange.  
I would describe this series as feeling very atmospheric; it has a lot of supernatural elements woven into it, and Stiefvater’s writing style is one that suits this story really well. The characters are its strongest aspect—you’ll hear that TRC’s plot is confusing and/or nonexistent, which I use to agree with, but I wouldn’t describe it that way now. It’s a uniquely structured story that emphasizes and re-emphasizes the cyclical nature of time within itself, and so the plot follows this same weave of things coming and going and overlapping and disappearing. And it’s all stitched together by these characters! There’s ley lines and dreams and magical forest entities and psychic women and street racing and spelunking and nightmares and dreamers. It’s also a very rewarding series to re-read over and over again.
There is also a second series that takes place after TRC called The Dreamer Trilogy, which focuses on Ronan, one of our protagonists from TRC. The last book in this trilogy just released this week!
AND it was also just announced that TRC is getting a graphic novel adaptation in 2025!
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art is by Sas Milledge, artist for the gn!
I love this little universe a lot; I've been following it since I was a sophomore in high school and I can't recommend it enough. It's definitely worth giving it a try!
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raineydays411 ¡ 4 years ago
Text
Mission In Progress
Steve Rogers x daughter!reader
Summary: Steve realizes that his past behavior may have cost him the love of his daughter.
A/n: Hello! This is the second part to my Steve Rogers series! I hope you like it and also I hope y’all get the little references I put in these lol💕
Masterlist
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“What do you mean Natasha taught you?”
Oh shit.
That was the collective thought between you, Nat, Clint, and Tony. It was well known among the team that Steve didn’t want his daughter learning ANY form of self defense, but those four thought that was ridiculous. She was Captain America's daughter, she definitely would need to fight off an enemy sooner or later.
“well...nat taught me the basics on how to defend myself, she said it would come in handy someday.” You say quietly, picking the thread on your sleeve rather than looking at your father.
“Romanoff, you taught her how to fight?” Steve said, fury bleeding into his eyes. “I made it perfectly clear--”
“Steve, its unreasonable for her not to know how to fight, she's the daughter of one of the worlds greatest defenders. If she doesn’t fight, she’s dead.”, Natasha said bluntly, staring Steve in the face as the other Avengers grew uncomfortable.
“She’s perfectly fine, it’s not like she leaves the Tower anyway.”
“Because if she did, you’d have someone follow her. It’s creepy, man”  Tony butts in with a roll of his eyes. By now both Bruce and Thor had silently left the room, as both of them would be useless in this conversation.
“Oh, so Tony Stark is gonna teach me how to raise a kid? Isn’t that ironic.”
“It’s not like you’re doing any better on your own. All Y/n does is stay in her room and write in that book of hers, she doesn’t even talk to people her own age.”
“It’s safer that way and you all know it” Steve snaps, refusing to even look your way. “ I set those rules for a reason, and I don’t appreciate my team mate or friends going behind my back and breaking them.”
“Look, Steve we love you, but the way you’re going about this whole parenting situation is completely wrong.” Clint finally says. “ I get that you were thrusted into this role, we all do. But man, you can protect Y/n from everything and it’s not healthy for her to be locked away in the tower like--”
“Like some modern day Rapunzel” 
“Thank you, Tony.”
“You all know the reason why she’s not allowed to leave. Its just safer that way.” Steve says, expecting the conversation to be over. “ Now, we’ll talk about this when we get back to --”
“You don’t lock me away for my protection” You say looking up with a determined face. Steve, obviously stunned you called him out like that turned to you and said
“ Excuse me?” 
“ It was never about me. If you wanted me to be safe, you would have taught me how to defend myself as soon as you could. You would have told the world about me, just to make sure everyone knows not to mess with me.” You say, your brow furrowed. “ You say its for safety, but who’s safety is it really for?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Steve says in a low, slow tone. 
“Everytime I come in a room, you tense up like I’m going to attack you.” You start to say, realizing that once you reveal what you noticed, things will never be the same. “ You monitor everything I do. You never allow me to be alone. You don’t talk to be about missions and don’t allow anyone else to.” You stand up off the couch. “ You refuse to acknowledge my mother, and won’t even let read the journal she left me.”
“That’s enough Y/n”
“No!” You shout. “ It’s not fair I don’t understand why you treat me like this.” Steve looks at you in surprise. 
“ Y/n, you don’t understand.”
“ I do. You don’t trust me.” You finally say. “ You haven’t from day one, and I don’t know why. It's not like a six year old is a Hydra agent by disguise.” 
Hearing this Steve freezes. He knows that all this surveillance was unnecessary. And deep down he knew that you could never hurt not even a fly. but that tiny voice in his head got the best of him. And even though he grew to love you more than he’d like to admit, the thought of you being am enemy scared him. 
“ You are a threat.” Steve says stubbornly. “ You came out of nowhere, with nothing but a note in the middle of the night. Your mother is nowhere to be found, and I have no idea who to even look for. You look nothing like me and defiantly don’t act like me.” 
Hearing these words is like a knife being repeatedly stabbed in your heart. It’s one thing to think that your dad doesn’t love you, it's another to hear them directly from his mouth. 
“ I have done nothing for you to treat me like this. I have done nothing to lose your trust. I didn’t ask for my mother to leave me here with you. It’s not my fault.” You say, tears starting to well up in your eyes. “ That robot asked me to go with him you know?”
The whole room freezes. You never mentioned that when Clint picked you up from the Tower.
“ He asked me to go with him, because he said I had no one. I had nothing to loose. And now” You let tears run down your face. “ Now that I know he’s right, I still wouldn’t go with him. Because I would NEVER want someone to get hurt because of me.” And with that you pushed past the group of superheros and ran outside. You didn’t know where you were going, but you had to get out of that house.
You walk into town and into a bookshop that was surprisingly open at this hour. The clerk looked at you in annoyance as you wandered the isles quietly. Picking up a copy of Romeo and Juliet, you walk toward the counter to pay.
“Tch, Romeo and Juliet?” The cashier says
“What about it?” you ask, puzzled that he cared enough to mention it. 
“Nothing if you’re thirteen and never had a boyfriend.”
“Oh really?” You say, eyes lighting up at the chance to talk to someone your own age without the gaze of an agent boring into your back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, there was a tense silence in the house. Steve left with the words you told him rattling in his brain. 
“You know, Y/n always used to come to me for help picking out the perfect father's day gift for you.” Clint said breaking the silence in the room. “ She insisted we wake up hours before you to go to the shops just to surprise you. She loved wrapping the gift and the thought of making you happy.” He smiled bitterly. “ I loved every second of it, watching her reminded me of my own family. It broke my heart to see her little face deflate when you barely acknowledged the gift and treated it like it was a bomb or something.” He shakes his head and walks out. Natasha follows him and says ‘ Its late, it's not safe for her to be out there alone, I’m going to look for her.”. Then she’s gone. Leaving only Tony and Steve in the living room. It’s quiet for a few minutes. They can hear Clint playing with his children, Lila laughing as Cooper and Clint chase her. 
“ You know, all my life I had to wonder if my dad loved me too.” Tony said suddenly. “ I guess that’s why I got along with Y/n so well.”
Steve sat on the couch and sighed. “ I guess I could’ve approached this differently.”
“That's your problem Rogers, you treat her like a mission. She’s a kid. Even I know that you can’t raise a kid that way.”
Steve exhaled through his nose. “So, what do you think I should do?”  
Tony rolled his eyes again.” Well for one, you can go look for your fourteen year old daughter who ran out in the middle of the night in an area she doesn’t know.”
Steve's eyes widened and he shot up, “ Shit, I- I have to go find her.” and with that he ran out of the living room, leaving Tony alone as he heard him shout 
“Language!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It didn’t take long for Steve to get into town. The only problem he really faced was figuring out where you might be. Almost everything was closed except for a liquor store and some bars. He started to panic, as he started to think about the possibility of you being hurt or kidnapped or--
“Hey bomb pop, over here” someone whispers
Steve looks around to see Natasha standing in front of a bookshop. He jogs up to her and asks
“Nat what are you--” “SHHH, look” she points into the window.
At first Steve didn’t know what he was looking at. All he saw was two kids flirting on some bean bags. But then he looked closer and realized that was his kid flirting on some bean bags. He got ready to burst in there and drag her out, which surprised him.
“What are you doing” Natasha harshly whispered, “This is the first time in years y/n has talked to someone her age, and I will NOT let you ruin it.”
“But does it have to be a boy” Steve whines, then he shrinks back as Nat glares at him. 
“You have no right to play protective daddy right now, you--”
“Dad? Nat? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It’s been about an hour since you started talking to Levi, the cashier. Even though he insulted your book choice
“It’s a play about two bratty kids who think they’re in love and then kill themselves, its pathetic”
He’s interesting. He has this harsh exterior that is refreshing to you. You liked that he didn’t handle you with kids gloves like the rest of the Avengers did. He let you stay behind after closing as long as you helped him clean, but you didn’t last long because apparently you “cleaned like a blind person with no hands” whatever that means. After cleaning you two sat and talked about music and his friends. It was nice. That was until you felt eyes on you.
Looking out the window you noticed two figures staring at you. One petite red head and a tall blonde to be more specific. Rolling your eyes, you say goodbye to Levi and thank him for one of the best nights you’ve had in a while. As you left he did something that surprised you.
“Hey brat, here’s my number.” He says as he gives you an old receipt, “ Don’t expect me to text you all night, I have a life too.” 
You just smile and say thank you, blushing as you realize this was your first friend in years. You put the number in your pocket and walk outside. 
“Dad? Nat?” You ask, cutting their little squabbling short. “What are you two doing here?” 
Nat and Steve stand up straight. 
“It was getting late and I was worried so I came to find you” Natasha said, “ But it seems to me that you were quite alright in there” She finishes with a smirk. You blush as you try to think of a retort. Before you say anything, you hear your dad clear his throat. You roll your eyes.
“Don’t worry, I wasn’t getting intel on how to kill you or whatever you think what will happen if i make friends.” You again push past the two avengers, your good mood spoiled as you walk away. You hear some harsh whispering then your name is called. 
“Y/n” your father calls, “I think we need to talk.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tag list: @angeldreineedshelp @night-thinqer @ilyimagines @vxidsti1es @big-galaxy-chaos
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roscgcld ¡ 4 years ago
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HEADCANONS + GOJO SATORU || onii-chan
note: this was a few ideas given to me by my beloved 🌸Anon - a bunch of new gojotwins!au headcanons c: this one is a little different compared to my other story, so this is a stand alone one. might turn it into a series if it gets enough love, but we’ll see~ you can read the original ask here!
pronouns: she/her
note: mentions of blood and death and spoilers for volume 8 & 9 of the manga. SUPER LONG by the way lol
gojotwins!au masterlist
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twins have always been viewed as a bad omen for the parents - there are high chances of both twins developing no Cursed Technique at all, or have a Cursed Technique that is not desirable. So there had been no hope when one of the wives from the main family of the gojo clan was pregnant, and from what they can tell with twins at that
so it was a huge surprise to not only the elders but the entire jujutsu world when not one, but both of the twins were born with the coveted Six Eyes - something that had never happened in the history of the gojo clan. it was a moment to be celebrated!
if only they knew just what was lies ahead
much to the delight of the elders, the older one of the twins was the boy, satoru, while the girl was born 20 minutes after - it wouldn’t have mattered if it was the other way around, but just having the young boy being the one born first was definitely the icing on the cake
both of you were an absolute headache to deal with, causing so much chaos and mayhem that the elders had wondered if they should have celebrated at the idea of having two Six Eyes users under the same house was a good thing
the both of you trained together throughout your younger years, with satoru becoming super overprotective even though you were twins - he understood from a young age that the both of you were starting at different levels of footing because of your gender
yes, you are a girl - but at 7 years old you had exorcise a Grade-Two Curse by yourself with no more than an annoyed click of your tongue and a snap of your fingers, walking away whilst whining about how it got your favourite dress dirty
with that being said though, he loves to tease you are still the younger one between the both of you, and had teased you about how you should refer to him as ‘onii-chan’ instead of his first name
“come on, Y/N~ it’s a sign of respect~”
“i am going to spend you to outer space one of these days.”
the two of you were already known about the jujutsu world way before you even became old enough to enroll in Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College - you two were even allowed to enter without an interview with the then principal of the school
who would want to waste their time interviewing two highly over qualified teenagers anyway?
the first time you met geto and shoko, they were both intimidated by your sheer presence. the both of them have heard talks about the gojo twins entering their year as a pair
so when they had first met you, standing there in your uniform with your bright blue eyes hiding behind a pair of blacked out sunglasses and an indifferent look on your face - they definitely felt a shiver go through their bodies
however, when they saw your twin brother appearing behind you with the biggest grin, hugging you from behind whilst you scowled and tried to push his head away - they were definitely less intimidated now
“now, now, Y/N-chan, stop being so scary~”
“nii-chan, i am giving you three seconds to let go of me.”
the two of you quite the duo, especially when you two are always pinned against one another with more difficult and more challenging missions compared to when you were under the care of the gojo clan 
geto felt less pressure to match up to his friend, since satoru and Y/N are always at each other’s throat - wanting to outmatch the other and one up the other with silly things like Curse head counts and how difficult its level is
with that being said, satoru is very protective of you - if any so much as speaks poorly of you, he would not hesitate to put them in their place
“oya? what makes you think you can speak of my baby sister like that?” satoru had hummed towards the small group of men, who were commenting on how beautiful the young woman was followed by a lot of unsavoury comments. 
satoru still sported his casual smile, yet there was a certain air around him that made them shut their mouths up real fast. “mind repeating that? just want to make sure that i have a good enough reason to put your lazy asses six feet underground..”
after that specific incident by the way, satoru had you and your friends out on a little excursion around tokyo - where they just did a bunch of stupid things together to calm down
you can read him like the back of a book though, so when both of your friends went away to browse through some shelves in a video game store, you just wrapped your arms around your brother with a smile. “you know, nii-chan, you don’t need to go about protect my honour. i’m a big girl now.”
he’d just blink down at you before giving you a soft but genuine smile, petting the top of your head with one of his hand while the other was resting inside of his pocket. “if i don’t protect you, who am i going to protect?”
that statement was proven during your second year - a cursed user had overpowered you and shoko and had taken the both of you hostage. the curse user had practically beaten you into a pulp, knowing that you were the stronger one between the two
shoko had been tied up and beaten as well, but you were definitely taking the brunt of his anger - along with being forced to listen about how he was going to sell you to some low life family that had been trying to get you to marry their sorry excuse of a son. 
you don’t even remember meeting the father of the boy, who had claimed to visit the gojo clan home a few times now
“you gonna be a good girl for me?” the man had gripped as he gripped your hair in his hands, giving you a smirk whilst you scowled over at him in annoyance, blinking the blood out of your eyes from the wound on the top of your head. 
before you can give another snarky answer in reply that will get you another beating, the sound of someone kicking the door in. before either one of you can move, the man suddenly let go of your hair with a pained gasp as someone grabbed his hair and forced his head back, looking up into a pair of glowing blue eyes
“get your filthy hands off my baby sister.”
geto was in charge of taking care of the both of you, leaving the room with a simple reminder to satoru that they needed to bring the man back alive
both of you spending most of your time trying to unlock the many secrets of the Limitless, and how to control it better
during the entire star plasma vessel fiasco, you had stayed by geto’s side. and while you didn’t manage to save rika from being murdered, you had, like gojo, managed to touch the core of cursed energy
toji had ‘killed you’ before he went after geto, yet like satoru, he did not decapitate your head; so you had slowly started to use the reverse curse technique to heal your wounds
so you couldn’t believe satoru’s belief when he found you using reverse cursed technique to heal geto, wrapping you up in his arms while you just smile and hold him as well
the three of you plus shoko had turned to one another for comfort, because along the way you four have grown close to the young girl, and her death really affected all of you
but if there is something bright that came out from this, is that you and your brother had really elevated yourselves to become the strongest duo of the new generation - both pretty much an entire chest above the current active sorcerers
after satoru had calmed down, he had told you about what toji had said to him before his death - about how he has a son that he had planned to sell of to the zen’ins
the two of you went to visit the young boy, discovering that he had an older sister as well; and without hesitation you had taken the both of them under your wing, pulling a few strings behind the scenes while also trying to provide him with as normal as a life as you two could
megumi had viewed you as a mother figure, someone who looked out for him and tsumiki, teaching the two of them life skills like sewing and cooking, making sure they always have warm meals. 
you never miss their birthdays either - always making sure to get them either a cake or a small cupcake with a candle on the top to blow out just for the sake of tradition
sure, satoru loves to spoil them too, but he acted more like their chilled older brother - he definitely relies on you more as a parental figure he had lacked for quite a huge part of his childhood
he had remembered how once, when you had made him his favourite curry and rice after a long week, he just sighed and said, “thanks mum,” before he started to eat his meal 
at first you froze in shock, and  megumi did too - but before the blushing teen can apologise, you had already wrapped him up in your arms as you just cried your heart out
satoru had teasingly asked him if megumi can call him ‘dad’, to which megumi just scowled and sent his divine dogs after your brother
satoru loves to introduce you two as the ‘strongest duo’ by the way - which makes you super awkward and you hate it with a passion. he wasn’t wrong, but it’s still awkward
“we’re the Gojos - the strongest duo out there.”
“please stop calling us that.”
feel like because you’re there, geto might still be on the path to the light lmao - like mans will be a teacher in school and you three will be dub the ‘idiot trinity’ or some bullshit nickname lol - the three biggest troublemakers in the jujutsu world
yet the three most capable ones as well - absolutely drive the higher ups of the jujutsu world insane
with that being said though - the three of you definitely hashed a plan to change the jujutsu world together. even shoko agrees that there should be some change to the old ways of the jujutsu world; so the four of you decided to sign up to work as teachers at Jujutsu High 
the first group of students you took under your wing was the then first years - maki, toge, panda, and eventually yuta when he joined your little class
you are the mother for the students while geto is the responsible dad; satoru is the crazy uncle that is not allowed to supervise the students alone, and shoko is the cool aunt who lets you skip class in her office if you want
all the students have, at one point, just referred to you as ‘mum’ and you had always just accepted that with a soft smile and a pat on the top of their head
even if they are taller than you, they will willingly bend down to your height so you can pet them on the head - even megumi lets you get away with it
when itadori and nobara came into the picture, you had taken them un as your own as well - but you did spend a good 5 minutes laughing with geto at the idea that yuji manages to control sukuna like he is just an annoying imaginary friend in the back of his head that refuses to shut up
you had tried to give them some form of normality and comforts as teenagers, even if many times they were forced into very uncomfortable situations
all in all - it was utter chaos the moment both you and satoru were born. yet it was a miracle nonetheless. many times you prove to the world that your bond is stronger than people think it is, and that you two will go through anything to make sure the other is safe. 
you are the younger one, but the more responsible one too. the motherly figure that everyone turned to, even your friends and brother, who needs comfort and a warm meal. yet if provoked, you can become deadly and kill with no hesitation. it’s because of this, both you and your brother are considered as quite the deadly duo; the strongest ones around. 
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© roscgcld — all rights reserved to me, rose, the author and creator of these works. do not repost/translate/claim my work as yours on any platform
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yoonpobs ¡ 4 years ago
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bad boy good thing xiii.
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pairing: jeon jungkook x oc
genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining
warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)
words: 5, 635
summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing
a/n:
hello friends!!! here is the next update :D i hope you enjoy the read! it's been a v long week for me so it's nice to just unwind hehe. thank you for the support & love you all!!!!
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“Are you going to just … stare at me?” Jungkook clears his throat as his eyes dart anywhere but forward. It was less uncomfortable that way.
The two people in front of him don’t flatter him with an immediate response, instead; they stare him down harder until Jungkook can quite literally feel the stare of their eyes burning a hole into his forehead. He nearly shrinks into his seat, but he manages to pull a somewhat neutral expression even if he was on the verge of a meltdown.
“Maybe.” Jimin retorts snappishly.
Jungkook knew Jimin would be the pettier one between the two, but again; it’s not unwarranted. So he sucks it up like a big boy and nods his head slowly in understanding.
However, Taehyung was a different situation. His blank face was already intimidating as it is and Jungkook’s known him ever since the two of them were in middle school. More often than not people mistook him for cold and disinterested, whereas he usually just got lost in his thoughts.
But it’s obvious when Taehyung doesn’t like someone. He doesn’t put up a front to pretend that things are dandy and that he vibes with you. No, Taehyung’s blank face returns and it’s tenfold. But Jungkook knew it wasn’t just that, that resulted in the permanent vacant expression etched onto his expression—it’s paired with the fact that Jungkook’s an idiot and this is his punishment.
Jungkook knows better that Taehyung isn’t the type to take things head-on (like Jimin), but rather allow people to ruminate in their thoughts as he stares you down with a gaze so intense that it feels like he’s unpacking every single stray thought that passes by your mind. Jungkook is aware, but he’s never had to be on the receiving end of it.
“Are we going to, uh, order?” Jungkook asks, hands gripping the menu tightly.
Taehyung still stares, and Jimin narrows his eyes at the younger boy.
“You know ____ hasn’t arrived yet, right?” His tone is accusatory and Jungkook feels himself pale.
“I didn’t mean—okay,” He sighs in defeat, “We’ll wait.”
Jimin eyes him carefully before opting to skim through the menu. Jungkook knows it’s a front to not have to engage with him since they’ve frequented the same diner more than enough times for the waiters and waitresses to know their orders by heart. It’s been a while since they came here, and Jungkook knows that he’s partly to blame.
It sucks, sitting here in silence when he remembers that the three of them, you aside—used to engage in stupid banter and talked about the most random things like college boys do. They were his best friends, Jungkook grew up with them and he distinctly remembers always getting into trouble with the two boys until their parents only sighed every time they saw them returning home with guilty expressions ridden on their faces.
Now the banter is replaced with tense silence, but it doesn’t feel like it’s over. Jungkook hopes, at least.
Before Jungkook can say something else, he feels someone slip into the empty seat next to him.
“Hey guys, sorry I’m late.” Your voice is sweet and cheerful, and it’s nice to hear you like this again.
Jungkook looks up and sees you smiling at everyone, oblivious to the strained mood of the table before you came.
“Don’t apologise,” Taehyung says for the first time, offering you a small smile, “We were waiting for you, weren’t we?”
Jungkook stiffens, fully aware that it was directed to him. He wanted to lamely interject and say that it wasn’t what he meant, but he knew that Jimi would give him more shit for that anyway.
“You didn’t have to!” You exclaim.
Jungkook feels somewhat satisfied at the scowl that plagues Jimin’s expression, but it’s quickly covered with a beaming smile in your direction as he calls over a waiter.
“We know our orders, right?” Jimin asks.
You nod, smiling brightly; clearly excited to be here again.
And Jungkook feels nice, too. It’s nice being here, with the three of you—even if Jimin and Taehyung were still giving him the cold shoulder it was much better than pretending like everything was okay when it clearly wasn’t.
“It’s nice to be back,” You smile to yourself after the four of you order, and Jungkook can only agree.
.
Maybe it wasn’t so nice, after all.
Because the entire time, Jimin and Taehyung were dead-set on making Jungkook feel the guilt of his actions tenfold when they pick apart at every word he offers into the conversation.
“Have we not been here for that long? Even the interiors changed a little.”
“I don’t know, Jungkook. Who’s fault is that?” Jimin says off-handedly, unbothered to even cast him a glance.
“Wait, really? There’s a forum coming up?”
“Didn’t we all know? _____ is the one who organised it.” Surprisingly, this came from Taehyung.
“I’m stuffed.”
“With bullshit—?”
“THAT’S ENOUGH!”
Your voice is loud enough to silence the entire table and even causes a few other patrons to turn their heads in the direction of your table.
Jimin is blinking at you with wide eyes, as Taehyung only gapes at the decibel of your voice that he’s never heard from you before. Jungkook only presses himself against his seat, and subtly inches away from you.
But you turn your head towards him and shoot him a glare so venomous that he stiffens in position.
“Don’t you dare shift away from me, Jeon.” You warn threateningly.
Jungkook swallows, too stunned to move.
Then, you turn to face the two unblinking men.
“And you two,” You narrow your eyes at them menacingly, “I told you that I’d deal with this on my own so why are you the ones holding grudges?”
Jimin opens his mouth to respond, but Taehyung is nudging him with his elbows to shut up.
“I expected better from you!” You cry, “What are you guys, five? Or is that how many brain cells you have combined?” You scowl. They’re still blinking at you when you continue to fume. “No. I’m pretty sure it’s less than that because at the rate you’re acting I’m beginning to think that this fork better conversational skills than the three of you.” You hold up your utensil for good measure and the boys can only blink at you.
The last part is directed to everyone, and Jungkook can only listen to you rant as he presses himself against his seat.
“I just wanted to hang out like usual.” You flutter your eyes shut in annoyance, “I asked for one day—one day!” You exclaim, “Just to be with you guys because we haven’t done that in forever. And you couldn’t push aside whatever hostility you have towards Jungkook for this?”
You sound so disappointed, and your voice subdues out into a whisper when you glance at the table. Jimin and Taehyung had the decency to look guilty and apologetic when they realise that you were actually serious about it. Because rarely have you ever blown up, if not—ever.
“_____, we’re sorry—” Jimin begins.
“Are you?” You snap irritatedly, “I told you that I didn’t want to make things complicated and here you guys are—doing exactly that. I resolved whatever I had to with Jungkook, and let’s not pretend like he was the only one at fault here. The two of you are opening a closed book and it’s unnecessary. I just wanted to hang out with you guys and laugh about our balding lecturers, is that so much to ask for?”
“I think—” Jungkook begins, feeling slightly more confident to speak up after you’ve somewhat defended him, but the way you snap your head to him to send him a blazing look shut him up immediately.
“And don’t think you’re off the hook either,” You seethe, “Jimin and Taehyung have every right to be mad but they don’t have the right to ruin the atmosphere of our hangout right now. That doesn’t change the fact that you messed up.”
Your words are sharp, and his eyes widen when you scold him. It oddly feels like the three men were being lectured by a parent, and it’s not far off because you’ve always been the level headed one amongst the four of you anyway.
“I’m sorry, ____.” Jimin offers apologetically, but your ears are flushed for obvious reasons before you mutter an excuse to head to the bathroom.
When you storm off, the three men stare at each other unblinking for a few seconds before Taehyung breaks the silence.
“Listen,” He sighs, “Clearly, Jimin and I are pissed.”
Jungkook’s eye twitches, that’s an understatement.
“But, we have a right to be—like she said,” Taehyung continues. Jungkook doesn’t argue there, “But we care about her as much as you do, and we don’t want her to feel any more disappointed than what she had to feel for the past month. So we’ll drop it.”
“Why are you speaking on behalf of the both of you because I’m pretty sure hyung is staring at me like I’ve murdered ten kittens,” Jungkook mumbles under his breath, off-put by Jimin’s unwavering glare.
“He’s not far off.” Jimin retorts, then he sighs, relaxing his features ever so slightly to look at Jungkook with an expression much softer than what he’s received so far. “I’m disappointed in you, and I probably will be for a very long time. But … you’re still my best friend, and even if I feel like knocking you into every available surface I’m willing to push that desire aside if it means we can make ____ happy.”
Jungkook blinks.
“I …” He croaks, “I’m sorry, to the both of you. I messed up and … I really regret it.”
Taehyung offers a small smile, “You don’t have to apologise to us. It’s ___—”
“Yeah, I know.” He clears his throat. “But the two of you are my friends too and you’ve done nothing but guide me even if I acted like it annoyed me most of the times; I really appreciated the things you told me, even if I blatantly went against it.”
Jimin purses his lips, staring hard at the boy.
“I want us to be okay too, as much as I patched things up with her; you guys are my best friends as well,” Jungkook says softly.
“If ____ forgives you then …” Jimin mutters, though Jungkook can tell it comes from a good place. “I guess I can work with that.”
It’s something, Jungkook thinks.
But then you’re still not back and the three men look at each other in worry.
“I’ll go get her,” Jungkook declares, but before he can push himself up—Taehyung is stopping him with a hand and a cock of his head.
“I’ll do it.”
And when he leaves to get you, Jungkook and Jimin are left in a mini stare off, the awkward atmosphere still tense enough. Not until Jimin gestures to his face.
“Your cheek …”
Jungkook sighs.
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“You know there are people who need to pee too, right?” Taehyung hums outside the cubicle. He’s sure you’re in there because he spots your sneakers through the slit, and he’s lucky enough he can because he wasn’t sure how else he’d explain him leaning outside a stall while he talks to it.
You stay silent, dabbing at your eyes with the tissue you brought in. You feel a little stupid for crying about it but you hated the atmosphere out there. It was weird and awkward and the four of you never had moments like that. You always had things to talk about or even just to laugh at each other. The silence and glares were suffocating, and you couldn’t help but feel like it was all your fault.
“I’m going to piss on the floor if you don’t open the door.” Taehyung threatens in a bored tone.
You sniff, loud enough for him to hear as you roll your eyes at his ultimatum.
“Don’t think I won’t do it, _____.” He warns, and you hear fabric rustling that has your eyes widening.
“Don’t pee on the damn floor!” You hiss.
“Then open the door.” Taehyung retorts smartly.
You scowl, glancing into the mirror one last time to ensure that your eyes weren’t as red as you hoped they to be. It comes to no avail because your eyes are puffy enough to tell him that you’ve been crying, and you knew that you couldn’t lie your way through it.
“I’m giving you five more seconds,” He calls, “Five … four … three … two—I’m about to piss—!”
You unlock the door and pull it open, and greet Taehyung with a vehement glare of your own as he smiles down at you, but only for a bit until he notices the puffiness of your eyes and the pout of your lips.
“You know it’s kind of depressing if you lock yourself up in the cubicle of a diner to cry.” He says softly, arms reaching out to bring you into an embrace.
You don’t fight him, even if you don’t make an effort to hug him back. You were sulking.
“Well that’s what happens when your best friends are acting like assholes.” You snap back in a sniffle.
He sighs, patting your head gently as he forces your arm around his waist; shooting you a stern glare that you roll your eyes at.
“You know we’re looking out for you.” He chides gently, and you feel very much like a petulant child when you huff at his response.
“I just wanted to hang out with you guys without things being weird.” You mumble against his chest.
“I know.” He hums.
“But you had to make it weird.” You complain. “What are you? A social justice warrior? I told you I could deal with it on my own.”
Taehyung chuckles, squeezing you a little tighter as you scowl into his shirt. You knew you were being a little dramatic but you didn’t want the dynamics of the group to shift just because of the situation you got yourself in with Jungkook. Even if you were in love with him and he was … in love with you. Your friendship with the three of them meant the absolute world to you.
“I’m sorry,” He apologises, pulling away slightly to look at you with sincere eyes.
You look away and sulk.
He sighs, knowing that it would be much harder to get you to feel better than just an apology.
“Look, I’ll lay it off and I’ll make sure Jimin doesn’t overstep either. Promise.” He offers with a smile.
You look at him with tentative eyes as you raise a brow at him.
“Isn’t Jimin with Kook right now?”
Taehyung opens his mouths, then closes, before he wraps an arm around your shoulder to tug you closer into his grasp.
“After this. I make no promises that Jimin hasn’t caused bodily harm on Jungkook in the meantime.” He says.
You snort, picturing Jungkook cowering or at least avoiding Jimin’s eyes now that they were alone. You knew that the bruise on Jungkook’s cheek was Jimin’s doing, and while you already talked his ear off for that, you appreciated the gesture. Even if it did look like it hurt like a bitch.
“I just want things to go back to normal.” You mumble, fiddling with your thumbs.
Taehyung nods his head and sighs.
“It will. We’re okay. You’re okay. We’ll be okay.” He comforts you with a soothing tone.
You nibble on your lips, “I guess …”
Taehyung stops in his tracks as he was about to bring you back out when you mumble those words so softly he nearly misses them.
“You guess …? Is there something—?”
“I just,” You sigh, “Jungkook and I spoke and we … cleared things up. But it’s still … it still sucks.” You finish lamely.
Taehyung gives you a sad smile before turning you around so that he can grab onto your shoulders.
“What he said doesn’t define you. And I know for a fact that he’s beating himself up over it. It sucks because he’s your best friend and he was the one that said those things to you. But none of that is true because you’re the most interesting, smart and best girl I know.” He smiles at you, even when you flush and look away.
“Stop …” You whine, avoiding his gaze and you hear him chuckle.
“Jungkook’s dumb. He’s our friend, but he’s dumb.” Taehyung snickers.
You roll your eyes but a smile teases the corner of your lips.
“It’s not just that …” You mumble softly, pink dusting your cheeks. “I told him that I was in love with him.”
At this, Taehyung quite literally chokes on his breath.
“You—what?!”
You scowl, “God, you don’t have to be so loud.” You thwack his chest and even as he winces he still has a stupefied expression on his face.
“You … love … what?” He blinks, “What the hell did I miss? Does anyone else know? When did this happen?”
You huff, “Look, that isn’t … important. Not now, at least. I told him that I needed time to sort things out myself and … yeah.” You murmur softly.
You know Taehyung wants to press further, but he doesn’t do that because your demeanour says to drop it. He sighs, pulling you into his embrace once more before he gives you an easy smile.
“Take all the time you need, okay?” He reassures you softly, and somehow it does feel a little better.
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“Were the extra ten laps really necessary?” Jungkook pants, hands falling onto his knees just as he completes the last God forsaken round.
“I don’t know. Were they?” Namjoon hums, opting to skim over Jungkook’s hunched figure with a shrug.
“You’re holding a grudge on me,” Jungkook says in a tone of disbelief.
Namjoon shoots the younger boy an unimpressed look.
“Am I?” He returns, and Jungkook already feels the incoming headache approaching.
“Look, I get Jimin and Tae because the two would literally die for her … but you?” Jungkook exasperates.
Namjoon sighs, clicking the pen in his grasp before shoving it into his back pockets. By no means was Namjoon unnecessarily intimidating, because besides the fact that he towered over most people and frequented the gym as his second home; he was a decent guy and great company.
That, and he never imposed his authority as the captain of the football team onto any of the footballers, or his peers, which made him all the more approachable and likeable. Jungkook had nothing against him, but after finding out that he too had feelings for you; he’s bound to view the older boy differently.
“Jungkook, I already told you—you’re my friend and I like you.” He deadpans, “But you’re also an idiot so you’ll pay for being one. It’s really that simple.”
Jungkook narrows his eyes, “And this has nothing to do with your feelings for her?”
Namjoon snorts, waving him off as the rest of the footballers come pooling out of the changing rooms.
“I think you’re projecting a little,” He snickers and ignores the look of disbelief that covers Jungkook’s face when the footballers start gathering around the two.
“He made you run an extra lap?” Jimin snickers.
Namjoon hears this and smiles, “Ten.” He corrects.
Taehyung lets out a low whistle before patting his sullen-looking younger friend on the back while he scowls. Jungkook couldn’t say anything because he’s aware enough to know that his mouth was the one thing that got him into most of the trouble he’s ever got himself into. So he swallows his pride and wipes his sweat, even pretends to smile tightly at Jeonghan when he asks why.
The practice is brutal, well; for Jungkook at least.
Jungkook knew that Namjoon was a strict but reasonable person by nature; and to a certain extent, petty. The only reason he knew was because of his feelings for you and that irked him. But he didn’t know how far Namjoon was willing to go just to prove a point, to you or to Jungkook; he wasn’t quite sure.
But Jungkook’s pride gets the better of him when he waves off concerned stares from the rest of his members. Even Jimin looked mildly worried when Jungkook was required to do an extra circuit or two just because his form looked ‘off’.
Jungkook’s form hadn’t looked off since high school.
And that’s how you find him, splayed out on the ground as he pants for air and stares up at the sky as if he was waiting for God to pick him up.
“Why are you on the ground?” He hears you before he sees you.
And when he opens his eyes, it’s like he’s seeing an angel. He’s half-convinced that he’s died and gone to heaven because your confused face is peering down at him from above.
“I think I’m dead.” He wheezes.
You roll your eyes, immediately squatting next to him before you shuffle through your bag to take something out.
Jungkook can’t even be bothered to ask what it was, but only when you press the object against his forehead and he feels the cool touch of a cold bottle; he ironically melts into the feeling.
“Here.” You thrust the bottle to him.
“God I lo—” Jungkook’s out of it, but not that out of it to let it slip.
You seem to notice, and your ears flush at the near slip-up. Jungkook clears his throat before attempting to sit up, head spinning at the suddenness of his actions.
“Thank you,” He rectifies his mistake immediately, offering you a meek smile.
The sheepish smile you return him with is enough. And he misses you even if you’re right in front of him; because things had been off for so long and having you back … even if you weren’t his, felt better than ever.
But Jungkook’s never pined for anyone else besides you, and it’s tiring. Yet, when you smile at him it feels like it’s worth it.
“Are you checking up on the corpse?” A voice interrupts Jungkook’s dazed expression when he stares at you for a second too long.
He turns his head and sees the cause of the numbness in his legs.
Namjoon is all smiles when he jogs over, Jimin and Taehyung following closely behind as they snicker at the interaction.
“You didn’t have to be so mean.” You pout up at the taller man, standing up as you only reach the height of his shoulders. It would’ve been cute to Jungkook if Namjoon didn’t look so taken with you.
“Someone’s gotta take care of things for you,” He jokes, ruffling your hair.
Things have been going better enough for people to poke fun at Jungkook, and even if he flushes at any mention of what happened—he knows that he’s got to deal with the consequences.
He didn’t know that the extra touchiness from Namjoon’s end was one of them.
“Never thought I’d see the day the great Jeon fall.” Jimin snorts.
You raise an eyebrow.
“What?” He shrugs, “He’s always telling us hyungs that he could one-up all of us with his eyes closed.”
Taehyung nods while Namjoon only chuckles at the statement.
“Not saying that you deserve it but you deserve it, man.” Taehyung laments.
Jungkook scowls from where he sits on the grass, but you’re nice as always when you reach a hand out for him to grab.
He stares at it, struck again by your kindness. And when he looks up the evening sunset flares behind you and you looked like a painting in a museum.
“Wow.” Jungkook blurts.
He didn’t mean to, and everyone caught on his stupefied expression.
“All right,” Namjoon rolls his eyes, tugging Jungkook up himself as the younger boy scowls at the moment being ruined. “Up, loverboy.”
You huff, turning on your heels to hide the way your cheeks had turned red when you noticed Jungkook’s gaze lingering longer than it should.
Taehyung and Jimin shoot each other a look, one that goes missing from you and the two other men. In fact, Jungkook shoots Namjoon a glare that he blissfully ignores in spite of trailing behind you, taking advantage of the fact that Jungkook’s legs are too wobbly to catch up.
“What the—?”
“Hurry up, Jeon. Yena’s waiting and you know how she gets when people are late!” Namjoon calls over his shoulder, before offering you a dimpled grin and grabbing your bag to alleviate the strain on your shoulder.
Jungkook knows that things are better and he’s damn grateful he’s able to be around you without watching over his words anymore. But the childish and immature side of him turns green when he sees the shy smile you return Namjoon.
He knows, that you feel the same way. But somehow his mind overthinks it and asks: what if?
“You look constipated,” Taehyung mumbles off-handedly, clasping a hand to his back when Jungkook stays rooted in position.
“Deserved,” Jimin says.
Jungkook scowls, dejectedly following close by as the five of you walk out of the field.
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“That was absolutely uncomfortable.” Yena declares the moment she steps foot into your apartment.
You scowl.
“It wasn’t that bad …” You mumble.
Yena flops herself onto your couch and raises an eyebrow as if to say really.
“Listen I know you and Jeon exchanged vows and a dowry the other day but Namjoon is definitely a close contender. I swear I saw him whipping out a pen mid-meal to write you a love poem.”
You groan, flopping face forward as you stuff your scream into your cushion.
“Why me?” You cry.
You can feel Yena rolling her eyes behind you.
“Oh boo-hoo, your life is so hard. Two hot beefy men are in love with you, wow—things must be so difficult. Would you like a free pass in a therapy session?” She mocks pouts at you when you lift your head to glare up at her.
“They are not …” You remember what Jungkook said and you clear your throat, “… Namjoon isn’t …”
Yena scoffs.
“Well he’s definitely breaking ten different traffic laws to get there.” She retorts.
You slump back into your couch as you stare up at the ceiling.
“I thought things would get better.”
Yena shuffles until she’s settled comfortably next to you, “Are things … not?” She asks carefully.
You sigh, fiddling with the edge of your cushion.
“They are, don’t get me wrong.” You say softly, “It’s just that … I know Joon has feelings for me, and I know … I mean Jungkook is Jungkook,” You explain lamely and Yena awaits your continuation patiently. “I’m not stupid. I’m pretty sure they’re both aware of their feelings, and Jimin and Taehyung are just the bystanders witnessing shit hit the fan. And I’m … well, I’m there.”
“You mean you’re the main character.” She interjects.
You scowl, chucking the cushion at her as she dodges with a cackle.
“Things are better but they’re still weird.” You mumble.
Yena sighs, nodding understandingly as she pats your head softly.
“But you said you needed time, right? To figure things out on your own?” She asks.
You nod your head.
“Yeah,” You breathe, “I do. I mean, I know what I feel and I’ve felt this way for a long time. The only person I’ve ever … loved … is Jungkook. But I don’t know if that’s a byproduct of proximity and familiarity or because he was the only person that I’ve ever … you know.” You gesture your hands ambiguously but Yena gets the point.
“I understand.” She nods, “But things won’t be easy, not at first at least. It’s weird, I know. Going from your best friend to a potential lover, a stranger to a man who’s willing to put his star quarterback on the line and two best friends who are well—they’ve always been overbearing but they’re there.” She ends with a roll of her eyes.
Your face crumbles, “Why are things so complicated?” You cry, leaning onto her shoulder as she sighs and rubs a finger over your shoulder.
“You’ve got all the time in the world. You don’t owe anyone anything, remember that okay?” She hums softly.
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“Just because you stare at them long enough doesn’t mean you suddenly get telepathic abilities.” Jimin snorts.
It’s been fifteen minutes since Jungkook’s stepped into the library, courtesy of Jimin who wanted to study for an upcoming test with him. It’s a step towards mending their friendship, and Jungkook is immensely grateful; so he didn’t think twice before responding to Jimin that he’d be their stat.
But he remembers that Jimin is cunning, not maliciously, but very impertinently. He was smart and sly all at once, and while he didn’t explicitly state anything—the timing seemed all too perfect for it to be purely a coincidence.
“Not staring,” Jungkook mutters.
Yet, his eyes remain trained on your figure.
Jungkook’s always had issues with envy, ever since he was younger. If someone made the cut before he did, he’d internally curse them out in his head and work ten times as hard out of spite. It’s somewhat toxic, but it allowed him to outdo himself every single time he felt that familiar green eyes emotion. He’s also no stranger to jealousy, and he’s remembered feeling the very same feeling he’s feeling now multiple times throughout his life, all for similar reasons.
You.
It wasn’t just because you were great at everything you did, excelling in your academics and extra-curricular, making students and superiors around you impressed with your work ethic. You were never ordinary; in fact, all you did in your life was outdo yourself in every single aspect and Jungkook always admired and envied that. It always made him feel like you were in two different worlds, where Jungkook had to work twice as hard compared to anyone else to achieve peak efficiency while you seemed to breeze by the things that you did.
Even when the two of you were in high school, he’d always fantasise what it would be like to be with you, to kiss you and to hold your hand or call you his. But he’s never thought you’d ever see him that way because all you’ve ever alluded to was him being nothing but a friend, a younger boy who had the stars in his eyes. If only you knew that it was a reflection of your face.
And the feeling is all too familiar, even when he first came to college and remembered seeing you interact with different guys that all seemed like they were taken with you. How could they not be? You were soft, sweet, kind and understanding—never the type to impose yourself or make others feel uncomfortable. You were a perfect combination of soft and relentless, the mixture of your best qualities and it seemed like Jungkook wasn’t the only person who saw that.
And he knew, he knew that you’d never lie to him, explicitly at least, or about things that mattered. So he doesn’t count your feelings, but it’s frustrating to have you right there but not at all. Especially when he recognises the look on Namjoon’s face intimately when he looks at you, bodies pressed adjacently in a booth in the library.
“You knew, didn’t you?” Jungkook scowls.
Jimin blinks innocently at his friend before a cheeky smile appears on his face, his hands pausing in between the sheets of his textbook.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He feigns innocence.
Jungkook rolls his eyes, further slumping in his chair before he forces himself to tear his wandering eyes away from you.
“What a way to rekindle a friendship …” He mutters dryly.
Jimin stares at Jungkook pointedly, “Hey, the library is open to all students. Don’t go pointing fingers at me.”
“Jimin, I literally suggested we head to an overnight cafe and you said if I wanted to fix us then I had to listen to you,” Jungkook says dryly, “And I quote—or else.”
“Okay, maybe I may have been projecting a little—”
“Jimin …” He groans.
“But look, it’s not the end of the world so don’t go ahead and get your panties in a twist, all right?” Jimin snorts, “Just 'cause she’s over there with Mr Beefy doesn’t mean you’re out of the race. Let’s just say you’re sporting a broken foot.”
Jungkook only responds with a bland look.
“That doesn’t—”
“—and a dislocated knee. Maybe a torn hamstring?” Jimin ponders like the details actually mattered. “Yeah, a pulled hamstring. A torn ACL too for a kick. And you know who’s fault all of that was?”
Jungkook sighs, “Yes, Jimin, I know. It’s me—”
“No. It’s me. Because I’m planning on dragging this out as far as I can even if you and she made amends. You fucked with someone I cared about and this is how I hold you accountable. I’m going to draw out every lone interaction she shares with Joon and make you watch it like the porn you consume in an unhealthy amount. I’ll make it so that all you’ll see when you close your eyes is the way hyung looks at her and how you can’t do anything but watch.”
Jimin says all of that in one go and with an unblinking stare. If Jimin was looking for a reaction, he definitely got one because Jungkook is gawking at him with a disturbed expression at how utterly menacing he looks.
“You’re fucking terrifying,” He exhales.
“And you’re a little shit,” Jimin returns with a huff. His eyes dart behind Jungkook for a second before his smile is expression is replaced with an evil grin, “Oh, look at that. He’s brushing her hair back—how cute.” He coos.
Jungkook groans, sinking into his chair when Jimin snickers.
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kindlespark ¡ 3 years ago
Note
Simon is a villain and abusive yes, but it was has nothing to do with being white especially given he's lived on the train for most of his life.
man. i don't want to have to hold your hand through this but i guess i will! only because i actually find simon's arc as an exploration of white male entitlement incredibly interesting, so im gonna use this anon as a bouncing board to talk about why i love book 3 so much *claps hands* let's learn some critical thinking together!
so. first things first, i think you misunderstand me op!! i don't think simon is racist in canon, or that he does the things he does because he believes he's superior for being white; but his story is still one of white male entitlement, because things don't exist in a vacuum. simon isn't real, he's being written by people to serve a purpose in the narrative, to explore different themes and create a compelling story. so, frankly, it doesn't matter what simon the person has gone through--to me, it's not about him. it's not even about his experiences. it's about the STORY he's telling and the purpose that serves within OUR context.
(but like. even if simon WAS a real person, he was still raised in white society until he was about 10 iirc, and like. kids can still be racist?? he can still have pre-established beliefs about women of colour that haven't been challenged precisely BECAUSE he's been on a train for 8 years and has also put himself in a superior position over other kids on the train. like. i don't personally believe this but there's nothing in canon to prove he's not racist LMAO)
anyway. like all media, infinity train exists alongside OTHER media and uses the language of tropes--and what makes it so compelling imo is that it does very well in subverting said tropes, especially in a 'kids' cartoon! simon, to me, reads as a subversion of the Tragic White Boy trope. he, like so many other white male characters out there, has a traumatic childhood, and does absolutely awful things, but the difference is, the narrative doesn't excuse or condone those actions like how other media tends to. and it's important because he's a white man, and he's presented as a foil to grace, a black woman.
grace, as a black woman, is revolutionary to me as a character. she's a woman of colour that's allowed to be flawed and messy and awful, but she's also a woman of colour who's given the chance to improve, and whom the narrative treats with empathy, separate from the white character. women of colour are NEVER afforded that. they are almost always demonised in media and written without nuance or complexity. they are almost always written as background to the white trauma in the forefront, to help fix the white characters, to save the poor white boy. but grace gets to state explicitly in the narrative that while she knows simon's hurting, she's not responsible for his problems. infinity train book 3 takes the common racist trope in media that demonises women of colour and delegates them to the background in service to white male characters, and shuts it down. it purposely gives simon and grace these same qualities, but refuses to woobify simon and villainise grace the way other media has! infinity train book 3, to me, is about how we should be treating white male entitlement with the condemnation it deserves in our media, and how we should be treating women of colour, especially black women, better.
and the reason why simon's writing to me reads as white male entitlement more than, say, amelia's, is precisely because he's written opposing grace. like, you can't get through book 3 and not think about how the racial optics of a white man trying to kill a black woman is uncomfortable, right? that it's purposeful? i don't think you can ignore it, no matter how little race actually matters within the canon, because again, we don't live in a vacuum. media representation MATTERS. it might not affect simon and grace within canon, but they're not real, and the people who wrote them are, and are writing in this climate and society right now for a reason!
and guess what! i love simon and grace all the more for it. i can love simon BECAUSE the narrative doesn't woobify him, because i don't have to sit there uncomfortable with yet another story that woobifies white men and demonises black women. simon and grace's relationship made me cry all the way through the latter half of the series. it's heart-breaking and tragic and i don't think simon was an irredeemable villain--but it doesn't make his story any less about white male entitlement, and i think that makes his character better for it.
well, that was long! thanks for reading if you did, i have so many damn thoughts about this show i love it so much. sorry if it doesn't change your mind anon, but i think you're better off arguing with someone who genuinely hates simon lol <3
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jesslockwood ¡ 3 years ago
Text
Photo Opportunities
Word Count: 2.7k
Pairing(s): Tom Holland x Actress!Reader
Warnings: FLUFF with a slightly (barely) suggestive sentence towards the end 
A/n: damn I can't write anything except actress reader? smh but this is for @londonspidey ‘s sit-com Writing challenge (ik I'm early lol) but I was so excited I wrote the whole thing in one go lmao the prompt is bolded!
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Calling yourself a fan was an understatement. You were obsessed with anything and everything marvel. And oddly enough, you could after today say you were in the club. It wasn’t a public fact yet, until later that day actually, at the Marvel panel at comic con that you were being announced as the actress for the character, Felica Hardy and no one else knew except for the people who cast you and your best friend who signed an NDA. You were technically still a known actress for your roles on television mainly as Thalia on the PJO Disney + series and a couple of still decently sized films. 
You were currently wrapping up signing autographs for fans of yours for today. Your team had planned it out so it wasn’t suspicious that you were at the con with a few of your castmates scattered doing other junkets and press so people wouldn’t guess who they were acting as the cast for new marvel projects. 
You had been planning to go meet your best friend, who wasn’t in the industry before getting a text that she bought you both a photo-op with someone and she wouldn’t tell you who. You couldn’t only assume it was a marvel actor that you would indeed, freak out. 
Y/b/n: btw I brought you a mask. I get the wig lol.
You: please tell me it doesn’t cover my full face. Also, how are we posing?
Y/b/n: I bought as many photo ops as I could so a lot of different ones, And if I tell you the poses it’ll spoil it.
You: is this with the money I pay you to be my assistant with? Lol fine I’m omw with security
Y/b/n: maybe… 
Y/b/n: and they’ll need more backup security for who we’re getting a photo op with than you do for your hellfire.
You roll your eyes before taking your stuff and exiting the booth, before heading out the backways with staff security and your detailed security for the day. You only had security because you wanted to explore the con when you weren’t needed.
Your best friend had also been your assistant for the con weekend, but you didn’t want her to be confined to you the whole three days so when she could, you would let her explore it, at least she could experience it as a fan, right?
When you made it to that part of the building, you wanted to wait in line with her, which your security didn’t agree to so she texted you when there were about five people ahead of her. She was one of the last in line, with you asking her to be kind, so others would get their chance to be first with whomever it was. 
When she texted you and your detailed exit, getting a few stares and others taking their phones out to either take photos or tweet, you wave at them before joining your best friend in line.
“Here,” she says before handing you none other than a black cat mask before she puts on a red wig. 
You glare at her slightly trying to not make a scene, before putting it on. 
“I’m assuming you're Mary Jane?” you laugh figuring out that it had to be someone from Spider-Man.
“How’d you- never mind.” She laughs with you.
She then explains how she’s going to pose for your five photo ops, joking in between how she should “get a raise for this”.
You catch sight of him before sucking in your breath. This was either going to go down amazingly or terribly, there was no in-between with you. 
“Excuse Me, are you Y/n Y/l/n?”
You turn around and are met by some fans who were standing in line behind you.
“I am! How’s your con going?” you ask politely to the two of them.
“It's going amazing! We love you as Thalia! Could we maybe get a picture? Only if it’s okay?”
“Of course! Thank you for supporting me!” your best friend grabs their phone to take the photo, before you take off the mask, and stand between the two fans, and your best friend snaps a few photos. 
“Thank you so much! And Are you fans of Tom?”
You start slowly walking back to catch up to the line. 
“Yeah, I love him as Spiderman, but I also enjoy his other roles. He's very talented, I'd love to work with him one day!” 
“Have you seen him in Uncharted?  We love Him as Nathan drake!”
“I have, he was amazing per usual! How are you two posing with him?”
They show you their innovative pose. You laugh and tell them it's great before you have to wish them goodbye before heading up for your turn for the photo op. 
“How do we want to pose- hang on, I recognize you!”
You freeze slightly before your friend mouths for you to flirt. You look down at the mask in your hand before getting into character and saying “Of course you do Spidey, I'm always causing you trouble.” you put on the mask and wink. 
He seems slightly stunned, laughing, feeling like he’s seen you somewhere, not only because he found you extremely gorgeous, while in his peripheral vision he sees his brother/ assistant, Harry waving like a madman on the side. 
Your friend directs you both through the poses, first, one both him putting “webs” onto you as she looks over his shoulder, the second one, both of you kissing his cheeks, the third, all jumping in the air in your best superhero poses, the fourth one she gets a photo op alone and the last one she gives to you,
“Seriously, who are you?”
“Your Wildest dreams, baby,” you say, taking off the mask. 
Your best friend yells “freestyle” from the sidelines before Tom dips you, gently, with you shocked, holding the mask out with your free arm and the photo captures that moment. 
 He gently helps you stand back up fully, not before you drop the mask.
“Nice moves Spider-Man.”
“Not so bad yourself, Black Cat.”
You laugh before, taking off with your best friend, well more her dragging you to the printing station leaving the mask behind. Tom picks it up before shoving it in his back pocket to hopefully give back if he could find you. 
-
`You were sitting in the green room, trending on Twitter before you were actually supposed to be trending on Twitter, and god knows where else.  
Someone had snuck a video of you and Tom, up till him dipping you, and a video of you interacting with the fans in the line.
Your Y/b/n was currently reading off some tweets out loud
“‘A kind queen we stan.’  I agree, I also agree with ‘Date her if you can't date me tom!!!’.
‘THALIA AND PETER PARKER??? My two fandoms have collided.’ same, same. Oo this one says, ‘if she ain’t playing black cat I will sue marvel.’ I'm dying at the reply ‘She needs to post the photos or I'll sue her!’. This one’s funny, ‘she could squash him like a bug in heels but he liked his queen like that.’.”
She pauses watching you texting.
“Y/n? Y/n?”
“What? Sorry I was only half listening. I was texting my publicist. She said to stay on the DL until tonight. 
“Well we should get food, you haven't eaten since this morning.”
“By the way, your show has shot to number one on Disney +. Also, you have like three times the followers you had before, probably cause you're trending on every platform, even Tumblr!”
“Wow you should just become my social media manager now.” you joke trying to ease the joy yet weirded out feeling in your stomach.
“Does that come with a raise? Because after today I've spent way too much of what I'm paid.” she jokes back.
-
After finishing his photo ops Tom asked Harry who she was and to find out. By the time he finished autographs for the day, Tom and Harry walked to the panel room in the back for announcements, one that included him for the new Avengers movie, while Harry gave him the rundown.
“So she’s an actress, she plays Thalia on Disney plus’ Percy Jackson series, and that's her most known project. The other girl with her is her assistant best friend, and now she's trending everywhere. People dug up some old photos of her being a marvel/Spider-Man fan, so there's that. And she's here at the con for the rest of the weekend. She's doing photo ops tomorrow at one, and yes she's single from what I gather since you were looking at her like this.” he makes a weird face before tom smacks him.
“And plus you have time in your schedule to get a photo op with her, that is if you eat lunch quickly.”
That gave Tom an idea. 
“Harry I’m going to need you to book me one, oh and help me find a Spider-Man costume!” He says, before leaving harry to do ‘assistant’ work. entering the green room for the announcements, watching them announce a new movie.
“We are so excited to announce to the Marvel Universe, and spider-verse-” that perked tom’s ears, “-directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood, and today we are announcing our amazing Miss Felicia Hardy, please give a warm welcome to the stage, Your Black Cat!”
You suddenly emerged in an aisle way, dressed in all black with a leather jacket, black ankle boots, and of course black sunglasses indoors.
The music is marvel music until it suddenly changes after a recorded laugh from you into “I can’t be tamed by Miley Cyrus”.
You start owning the music while saying hi and touching fans’ hands. You decide to take off your sunglasses and throwing them to a fan, for them to keep, before getting on stage.
“What a Performance from the one the only Y/n Y/l/n!”
You laugh, being met with the loudest applause you had heard all con before being handed a Mic. 
“Thank you but I'm a terrible dancer.” You Joke.
Tom was staring at the screen stunned. You had been the black cat all along. You were in the marvel universe and spidey one,  so he'd definitely be seeing more of you. The hard part is that you seemed so genuine when you talked, interacted with fans and was no doubt, stunning. 
“Better close your mouth or the flies will get in.” Tom turns around to find the voice of none other than his friend slash bully, Sebastian Stan, along with Anthony Mackie.
“Looks like the kid has a crush!” Anthony laughs, pointing to the screen you were on.
“I-I don’t! I don’t even know her!” Tom tries to come to his own defense, hopelessly.
“She’s got you whipped already don’t even deny it.” Harry comes in, joining the teasing of one, Tom Holland.
“Maybe we can invite her out for drinks tonight, then fanboy over here can meet her, and then probably scare her off!” Anthony mentions.
“You haven’t looked on the internet? They’ve already met.” Seb says, before showing Anthony twitter. 
Anthony stands there slightly shocked before bursting into laughter.
“Well, she’s damn well a keeper for Tom since she obviously likes him.”
A staff member peaks their head in the green room to tell Tom he’s up next.
“Well, that’s my cue to leave you two!”
On the other hand, you were on an adrenaline high from being on stage, and seeing all the fans. You knew tomorrow was going to be crazy, as you expected people to book your photo op left and right since the announcement. 
You had decided to decline an offer from your fellow marvel universe castmates, Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie, which they so graciously told you that whenever you’re free, the offer still stood. 
You had gotten to your hotel room seeing your phone blowing up on the social media apps for the second time that day. 
You responded to the important stuff, before heading to bed, knowing it was going to be hectic.
-
You had been right, it was absolutely insane, the number of people who showed up. You had fully booked all your time slots for photo ops. You had seen so many people dressed up in marvel cosplay, ranging from Loki to Ironman, even some people dressed up as your character, which was wildly insane to see.
You had been nearing the end of the line and had enjoyed every moment with the fans, and you couldn’t wait for your autographing session later that day, to truly get a chance to talk to the fans and connect with them and how they felt about you being their beloved Black Cat. 
After a few more photos, posing how they wanted, you see a fully dressed, head to toe, mask and all, Spider-Man. You had seen some spider-mans but most took off their masks to snap a picture. The person was the last in line. 
“Hey Black Cat.” The southern American accented voice tells you, seeming very familiar. 
“Hey, Spider, what poses do you have up your sleeve?” you ask kindly.
“I bought a few, Cat.” they laugh.
“Okay, You can do whatever a spider can right?” you pull out a line out of the comics jokingly.
“I can do flips if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Is that some kind of nerd pick-up line? Because it’s only kind of working.” you laugh. 
“I really can, but this is one.”
He gets down on one knee, holding a black cat mask instead of a ring. The photographer captures the shocked expression on your face.
“I- Don’t- What- Spider I-” 
“Ow My feelings…” Suddenly their voice changes into a British accent before they pull off the mask to reveal-
“Tom?”
“I guess you don’t have a spidey sense darling?” The photographer captures the moment without warning eating the moment up. 
You laugh at that. 
“I guess you found out my true identity Spider. And it’s nice to officially meet you, Tom.”
He laughs, just as nervous as you, he notices he has gotten closer to you and a strand of hair loosely is blowing in your face, so naturally, he pushes it behind your ear. Another snap of the camera can be heard. 
“NOW KISS!” a voice belonging to your best friend yells from the side, mid-eating a churro.
You both laugh really hard at that.
The both of you calm down, slowly leaning lost in the moment. The camera snaps again. You both look at the photographer weirded out, and they just shrug.
“Wait can you actually do a flip?” you ask, pulling away, not wanting prying eyes aka the photographer, to pry in your business. 
“I can, though I’d show you later, maybe in the greenroom?”
“That sounds naughty, but, sure.” you joke around. 
He laughs before, you both take off from the area going to grab the photos.
-
After spending most of the day together when you could, you get Tom’s number, before heading back to your hotel room. He texts you as soon as you get back. 
Spider: I had fun today, minus finding our assistants making out.
You: we should ‘snog’ too, it’ll gross them out ;)
You: I had fun too btw. Are you leaving tomorrow?
Spider: lol we should. And yeah an early flight, 6 am to be exact. Hbu?
You: Yeah me too... another day another dollar lol
Spider: ill miss you, Cat.
You: stop talking like we’ll never see each other again lol. As a matter of fact, come to my room, we’re watching a movie!
Spider: alright, I’ll order snacks. 
  You sigh smiling at your phone. You haven’t felt this giddy in a long time.
Your phone pings with a few Instagram notifications.
Tomholland2013 has started following you.
Tomholland2013 has tagged you in a photo.
You open Instagram to find the photo of him “proposing” to you posted.
“Ow, my leg, my- feelings...Welcome to the Universe, Cat.” the photo is captioned. You decide to post, the photo of him dipping you.
“So what do you say, Spider? Wanna help me pull off the Heist of the Heist of the Century?” you caption it, Before getting comfortable to watch a movie. 
What an opportunity ;)
Tags:
@lolooo22 @webmeupspiderdaddy @harryhollandsgirlfriend @spideyspeaches @greenorangevioletgrass @queenofthepouges @sheranatic111 @keithseabrook27
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aaronstveit ¡ 2 years ago
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Your tag :
#so many people reblogging this and then being completely wrong in the tags lol. u r who i'm complaining abt
And these "there was never really a love triangle, the struggle between picking peeta or gale was infinitely more complex than that", "but nobody understands these books like i do"
could you talk more about this? I just recently read the novels, so I don't participate when fandom shipping happened in 2012-2015. Thank you 😊
hi anon, thank you so much for giving me an excuse to rant about the hunger games some more <3 and i hope you enjoyed the books! it's probably my favorite series of all time (maybe tied with trc?) so i am always excited for people when they read for the first time 💛
okay so the first tag was just me being petty about people who were reblogging and tagging the post like 'but the catching fire movie was good' or 'jlaw was good as katniss' because those opinions always annoy me and seeing them in the tags of my post was 🙄
but the love triangle comment...... hoooo boy i can talk about this all day!
first may i just say: there is no actual love triangle in the hunger games. not in the way that a lot of other books — and the movie adaptations for this series — have a love triangle. because the question was never 'which guy is more attractive' or 'who does katniss love more.' the question was never about the men at all: it was symbolism for choosing a way of life. and it was about choosing a way of life without morally indicting the other way of life.
i say this as an everlark enjoyer: the books should never have been ship-ified, ever. the actual defining relationship of the series never had anything to do with peeta or gale, it was about katniss and prim. everything katniss does is for prim up until the moment that prim dies. that is why everything feels pointless when prim dies: because it is. because we have to go with katniss as she finds a reason to live in a world without her sister. and neither gale nor peeta are that reason to live, although they both symbolize two different choices: fire or the dandelion. fighting or peace. both are necessities, and neither are a wrong choice all the way across the board, but only one of those choices is sustainable for katniss. that is what choosing peeta is about, not a love triangle or soapy relationship drama. it is about katniss choosing life, possibly for the very first time.
thank you for allowing me to get up on my soap box, anon <3 you are always welcome to come talk to me about thg!!! i hope you have a lovely day/evening 💛
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manonblaqkbeak ¡ 3 years ago
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The Reunion
Day 5--I had completely forgotten that I had written this lol. It’s more fluff as usual. Can’t wait to read everyone else’s later on!
Enjoy! :)
1.8k words
Rowan couldn't wait to get home. Today had been...exhausting, to say the least. He was a personal trainer, and with that came the territory that people would talk about their issues while working out. Which was fine, Rowan understood that letting out emotional issues when working out helped people to stay motivated. He himself had been known to rant about his issues when working out himself.
But today had been a lot. One of his regulars had put on weight over the Yulemas holidays and was beating himself up over it. Another regulars marriage was over and was dealing with that guilt.  Someone had lost a favourite aunt. Another one had to break off an engagement because it was a loveless relationship. And on and on the issues piled up.
Rowan was good at compartmentalizing, but after a while, he ignored his lunch break in order to go to the park to just...not think for a while.
Being at the park cheered him up a little, but his break was soon too over. And he was back to work, and that was when the skies decided to open up and pour down buckets of rain. Making a bad day into a shittier one.
His wipers were on the fastest setting and he was driving at a snails pace when he looked away for one second, one fucking second, when he heard a thump and a feminine voice yell out “what the fuck!”
Slamming on the brakes, Rowan came to a speedy conclusion.
He was at a pedestrian crossing and he just hit someone with his car.
He just hit someone with his car.
“Fucking hell!”
Pulling up the handbrake, Rowan got out, not sure what to say or do when he came across a golden haired woman, her eyes spitting out blue and gold fire.
Rowan blinked at her, because despite being covered in rain and sitting on her behind, hand rubbing at her hip, she looked familiar.
But now wasn't the time to thinking about that. He had to see if she was okay. “I'm so sorry,” he got out, “I have no idea what happened. I looked away for a second, that was all. I'm so fucking sorry. Are you okay?”
“My hip and my ass hurt, and I suspect that I'm going to have a wicked bruise, but I think I'm okay,” the stranger said. “You should really watch what you're doing, though.”
“I know. I'm sorry, again.”
The stranger sighed, and even that sounded familiar. “What a fucking day I'm having,” she mumbled.
“Bad day?” He probably made it worse, too. He should also really get her into his car, but she starting ranting before he could do anything about it.
“The fucking worst. I'm facing a deadline that I can't finish, because I'm having dreadful writers block. My landlord is a fucking creep who came to my place today saying that my underwear 'accidentally' got mixed in with his laundry. My cousin's dad recently came back into his life, so now he's angry all the damned time and it's leeching into me. And you just hit me with your car.”
Rowan nodded in understanding, but only could manage to say, “Yeah, your day definitely sucks.”
She glared at him, silently telling him that that wasn't really the best way to respond, but he was having a bad day, also.
Which wasn't an excuse he knew, but Gods, it wasn't really his day either.
Rowan helped her up, her hands warm despite the cold and took her to his passenger seat and pulled over to the side. He couldn't help but notice that she smelled like jasmine and lemon verbena. A calming scent.
“I'm not sure what the protocol is,” he admitted after handing her a hand towel from the glove box. “Do we call the police? Or my insurance? I should take you to the hospital, I know that much.” Even if all she said was that she hurt her behind and hip, it'd be best to ensure that she didn't fracture anything.
When she said nothing after a moment, Rowan turned, noting that the silence from the woman was a little concerning, scared to death that maybe she hit her head and was going into shock.
Her blue-gold eyes were wide. “Are you okay?” he asked again. He really should get her to the hospital.
“Are you...? This is...you couldn't be. Rowan? Rowan Whitethorn?”
Rowan blinked, his concern turning inward. “Yes, that's my name. How did you—?”
“I, uh, it's me. Aelin Ashryver Gala—”
“Galathynius?” He finished for her. She nodded.
They sat in silence as Rowan stared at her, taking in her blue-gold eyes, golden hair, the lemon verbena and jasmine smell of her. Recalling the familiar sigh. All of it.
Rowan wanted to bang his head on the steering wheel when all of it came crashing down on him. He had just hit his high school crush with his car.
Rowan, for whatever reason that he couldn't name, wanted to laugh. He never would have suspected that he would hit Aelin Galathynius with his car ten years after high school graduation.
He was fairly certain that high school him had been in love with her from the moment he saw her. Rowan had wanted to ask her out at least a dozen times, but he was an awkward seventeen year old that didn't know how to talk to women that weren't family members and never gained the courage to do so.
It was one of his biggest regrets from his teenage years.
The last time he had seen her was at the after party of their graduating day. She wore a daisy flower crown and was sparkling in a golden dress. He had never seen someone as beautiful as her—even to this day.
Unbeknownst to Rowan, Aelin had felt the same way. She was confident back then as she was now, but every time she wanted to go up to Rowan to talk to him, to get to know him, the butterflies in her stomach threatened to strangle her.
So she never did ask him out. And here she was now, ten years later, in his car. He was still the most handsome man she'd ever seen.
She was still pissed as hell though that he hit her with his car.
It had only taken a moment, a single moment, for her to realise who it was she was sitting next to. The moment that the hand towel touched her face and she breathed in the pine and snow scent of it, she was transported back to the past.
“How have you been?” Rowan asked her after long minutes. His green eyes still as pretty as the day Aelin saw them. She was sure that was what she loved about him the most all those years ago. Other than Lysandra's, Aelin had never seen such a stunning green.
Aelin snorted, her fond memories disappearing at the inane question. “You were listening when I was ranting, weren't you? My day has been shit.”
Rowan gave her a small smile, and her heart skipped a beat. He still smiled the same. She had liked that about him, too. Still did, apparently.
“No, I mean how's life been since graduation? You mentioned writers block. Are you a writer then?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I write fantasy-adventure-romance novels under the name of Celaena Sardothien.” She had liked the animosity of it all, with none of her books containing a single photograph of her.
“That's amaz—wait. You mean to tell me that you're the writer of the 'Fireheart' series?”
Aelin smiled proudly. “That's me. Have you read them?”
“I have. It's one of my favourite series.” They were his guilty pleasure, really, but it felt rude to say that out loud, as if it was shameful.
Aelin blinked, taken aback at the confession. “Really? You mean to tell me that brooding Rowan Whitethorn reads romance novels?”
Rowan frowned a little bit at that. “I don't brood. Not anymore.”
“You're brooding right now.”
Rowan grumbled. Okay, maybe he was, just a little bit, however.
“How about you, though?” Aelin asked. “How's life been?”
“Busy. And right now, it's a bit shitty. I'm sorry for hitting you with my car, truly. We should get you to a hospital, though. Just to make sure that you're okay, please,” he added, when he saw that she opened her mouth to likely protest. “I won't be able to sleep if it turns out you need a hip replacement or something and I didn't take you to get checked out.”
Aelin truly doubted she would need a hip replacement, but nodded anyway. “Okay, you can take me to the hospital. And then afterwards, I'll give you my number and you can take me out to dinner.”
Rowan blinked at that and then smiled. He had always like confidence in a person. “Okay, it's a date.”
“I've never had a date after a hospital visit.”
“Well, then, I better make it great.”
Aelin smiled, warmth filling her. The day turning out a little nicely, despite it all. “You better.”
x x x x x
As Rowan lead Aelin to the dance floor, he couldn't believe his luck. Never in a thousand years did he think that accidentally hitting Aelin with his car would lead to this.
To their first dance as husband and wife.
It had been exactly one year to the day when he saw her again after ten years. It was very much an Aelin thing to want to have their wedding anniversary to match the date.
The story had been re-told by a slightly tipsy Fenrys as part of his best man speech, about how Rowan would be the only man in the world to meet his future wife by way of a car accident. The story always made people laugh, with people saying that the universe must have wanted to get them together and was sick of them taking too long.
Because as it turned out, when Rowan and Aelin's relationship grew and they learned more about their ten years of life, they were always somehow minutes away from running into each other. From when Rowan was starting his hike in the Southern Continent, Aelin had just finished hers and was going back to her hotel—the very fact that they were staying at the same hotel, but floors apart.
When Rowan had missed out on book tickets to a signing of her third novel in the Fireheart series, and he had to turn around and leave the bookstore since it was a private function just as Aelin was moments away from going on.
From going to the same concerts, to the same festivals, from seemingly everything that they had in common, they had missed each other by minutes.
They silently thanked the universe, even if the way they ran into each other was less than ideal. But they wouldn't change it for the world.
Rowan kissed his wife and thanked his lucky stars.
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