#thank you for asking about this!!! I really love picking the characters apart as individuals!!!

[angelfrogs]

My feelings on Yoshida are...mixed. On the one hand I understand that he is young and in a very toxic environment that encourages pretty amoral behavior, but on the other hand he is a pretty smart guy and should know when his orders are cruel and he should defy them. What he does next will really shape my opinion on him: will he stick by Public Safety or will he aid Denji?

That’s completely understandable. Personally my favorable opinion of him really because of his amoral and atypical behaviors. I think he’s one of the most fascinating characters in part two. There’s so much we don’t know about him, like why/how he joined public safety in the first place (originally in part one he’s introduced as a private hunter temporarily hired by public safety to protect Denji, which leads us to even more questions about his past like how long has he been devil hunting but I digress) I think because of this he’s a very strong parallel to Denji (to me he and sugo are the main non asa parallels) he’s clearly to some extent been raised in life threatening situations/raised killing devils and he also seems to have one devil connection that he relies on and even occasionally acts familiar with. I think the difference is Denji was always treated as expendable and Yoshida has been treated as talented. It’s technically speculative but I think that really ends up explaining a lot about their behaviors. Yoshida is very smart, and he is young and vulnerable, I think him following through with public safety’s cruelty is in fact because of all of those things. I think that where Denji is controlled by ignorance Yoshida may be controlled by information. It’s not hard to convince a kid that the reason he lives while others don’t is because he’s smart enough to make the cruel decisions. But given how upset and frustrated he seemed each time he failed to put Denji on the path with the least public safety intervention, amongst other things, I think it’s safe to say he doesn’t want to be cruel. But it remains unclear if the want to stop being cruel outweighs the “smart” safe decision of staying where he is. Especially now that he’s already lost once to Asa/Yoru. Especially because it’s extremely possible he knows the fate that he could receive if he’s caught disobeying/defecting. No matter what he does I think I’ll always like him as a character, though I really do want him to defect, but honestly what I’m most interested in is answers about his past and current situation. If I had to give guesses on what his fate will be I think he will either die defecting or apologizing for not defecting but that’s just my two cents lol! This manga is always keeping me guessing!

[meanbossart]

Hi RJ, I deeply deeply love your art, your style is amazing and your Astarion is one of my favourite renditions. Thank you so much.

I would like to ask you a rather specific question about your process, if you’re alright with that.

What thought process goes behind choosing a color for your lights and shadows? How do you do it?

I think you’re a master in creating a mood with light and the colors you choose really make DU Drow look like himself (true drow skin, just like i imagined it before ever picking up non-table top version of anything d&d!!) and gives your astarion this gremlin-like soft ugliness lol

Anyway, take care and thank you for any tips xx

Thank you so much! Colorful art is kind of a "new" thing for me, I used to do mostly black & white for comics and such. When I got into BG3 and decided to wanted to draw all these silly ideas out, I realized I was gonna have to venture back into it - It's far too colorful a world to get away with grays and inks alone.

What I'm saying is that I'm still very much learning! I'm glad you guys like my art but I definitely feel like my grasp on color isn't all it could be. I just do what I think looks good and makes sense with the setting!

First of all I think it's important to note that I usually have several different layers of shadow and light. FOR EXAMPLE:

AND THEN FOR LIGHTS... Each text color is a different layer, and that's not even all of them 😂

And the reason for keeping them separate is this: when first painting them on, I make a rough guess on the color, AND THEN-

Yup. I just fuck around with this until I'm happy.

Usually this lands me on (very muted) blueish or purple-y tones for shadows on a multiply layer, with the "base" shadow and for the lights it can be all matter of colors depending on necessity. You can also select your flats and individually change these colors per-surface. You learn what you like as you go! This isn't even a rock solid formula, I still experiment a lot and depending on the piece, the process can be both a lot simpler or a lot more complex than this.

A rule of thumb to start with is that natural light will usually constitute of gray shadows and very, very soft-yellow light - if there is even a need for any depending on your base colors/style. Night settings usually necessitate a slight blue hue on both shadows and light... However, this is art baby, do whatever makes you go "oh that's sick" when you look at it.

As for DU drow's skin, it is nothing but a mix of a grayish/brown base, shadow, and a reflective light! That's what sets him apart from the way I color light-skinned characters; light, when bouncing off his skin, usually (but not always) has a gem-like blue color. You can have all kinds of variations of this combo to give the skin on darker characters more depth.

[im-just-a-boy-guys]

absolutely loved your minotaur breeding story <3

part two? 👀

FEM! AFAB READER ON MINOTAUR BREEDING FARM. MILKING/BREEDING/DRUGGING!

PT 2 (Any side characters unless more than once will have a purple text <)

(AS always feel free to send in writing asks and even Suggest. Things for the current stories!)

Everything is color coded. Scroll down to the main section of green text to skip to the porn! / horny stuff!

You bathed and collapsed into your bed, in your bathrobe. It had been a wild night, and you found yourself still horny and reeling from getting your guts brutally re-arranged.

You knew you needed to eat something and decided to order in some subway, praying the delivery guy would be able to make his way through the campus like set up of the farm.

You ordered your food, and after 45 minutes, thankfully, it arrived, and the doorbell to your apartment rang. You loosely tied the robe around yourself, though your large chest was still very prominent, and your cleavage shown just at the top of the relatively short robe.

You answered the door and smiled at the driver. It was a younger man, just some younger, possibly 19-year-old boy with blonde hair, brown eyes, and freckles that lightly dusted his face.

"Hello, is this (y/n)? I have a deli-", He paused, and his pale face flushed red as he saw your chest.

After today, you felt slightly turned on by the staring, and instead of covering yourself, you just smiled at him and held your hands out.

"Yes, that's me." You took the food, and he nodded, walking back down the stairs and to his car.

You brought the food inside and ate, contemplating how often you should do that just to see people's reactions outside of what you enjoy looking at you.

After you ate, you plopped back onto your mattress and fell asleep in your robe.

The next morning, you woke to an alarm you had set for every weekday on your phone and peeled yourself out of your robe. You decided that since your clothes were going to be removed anyway, you might as well wear something easy access, slipping on the bra you were given, an old tee shirt, and a pare of short shorts that hugged your thighs.

You wet and brushed your hair, doing your hair care and lathering yourself in your 'Whisky and Coffee' lotion.

You hoped that if you smelled better that they might pick it up with their sensitive noses. You'd love to be made fun of for seemingly wanting it more - wanting to drive them crazy.

After the lotion, you tossed your hair up into a ponytail, pulling a couple of strands out in the front.

Once you grabbed your things, you left your apartment to see a woman dressed in uniform waiting in a golf cart.

"Hello (Y/N), I'll be your driver! There and back. The Dr will still be the one giving you your injection if you end up needing it. But for the drives, it'll be me.", The slender, darker-skinned woman smiled brightly at you. She looked like she'd been kissed by the sun, and her hair coiled so beautifully. Once she saw you up close, she couldn't help but smile. You sat next to her in the golf cart and said quietly.

"You're very beautiful."

She blushed all the way up to her ears and laughed softly. "Oh you don't mean that. I could never be as beautiful as all of the women here- they and you are so amazing looking.", she scoffed and then seemed to realize she'd included you individually.

You smiled at this endearingly, and she sputtered.

"I'm sorry- was that to foward- I'm new to this and don't want to make you uncomfortable. "

You giggled and placed your hand reassuringly on her thigh,

"Nono, it's ok. I know what you meant. And thank you. I think you could actually do this if you wanted. If there were any spaces available, of course. Daniel? I think I'd like the managers name. He seems super sweet and understanding. Maybe speak to him about it if you think about it."

She looked taken aback by the suggestion but nodded politely. You really didn't want to overstep but hoped she'd take it as a compliment. She was however, too busy thinking about being suffocated by your breasts and thighs to really have been offended.

"I think I'd like to stay your driver. You seem nice!"

She pulled up next to the stables and stopped the golf cart.

"Alright, ma'am! Here we are! I'll see you when you get off work."

You smiled and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek before hopping out of the cart and making your way into the stable. On your way in, you see Dr Sylvia in your stall waiting for you. She looks you up and down.

"Do you need help getting undressed?" You thought about it and couldn't help but want her hands on you.

"Please." You smiled and lifted your arms for her to help you out of your shirt, and she lifted it off for you, setting the discarded clothing on a stool to the side. She helped unclip your bra and helped you shimmy out of your shorts.

She couldn't help but gawk at your thong. You smiled proudly but did your best to hide it as she slipped them off of you.

"Alright, for now I'm just going to run a couple of general physical tests to make sure you're fit to work today."

She gently took one of your breasts into her hands and massaged it roughly.

"Does this hurt any?"

She kept a straight face but was clearly enjoying groping you. You shook your head, trying to keep a dumb look off your face. She swapped breasts and squeezed once more.

"What about this one?"

You shook your head again and kept up your smile. It took everything not to beg her to keep touching you. You'd love it if she put you in that machine and had her way with you.

"Good. Do you want your shot today or no?"

Your face flushed. "I think I'd like it every time - you can refrain from asking next time-" you mumbled lightly.

"I kind of liked not knowing I was being drugged-",

She smiled mockingly and raised an eyebrow.

"Not a problem. Whatever makes the experience more enjoyable for you, sweetheart."

Your soul melted at the probably frequently used nickname. You knew she more than likely called all of her patients various nick names and treats them the same way, but some part of you daydreamed that your body was her favorite.

She gently guided you and strapped you down by the wrists and ankles as you straddled the adjustable bench. She elevated the back. Putting you at a slight incline before injecting the serum.

She walked in front of you, holding your face for a moment as she stood there. The woman made you look up at her and smiled down at you almost mockingly.

The way her red hair sat in her messy bun drove you insane. She was so gorgeous, and the way her eyes showed when she looked at you like you were nothing - ugh.

She slipped her thumb over your lips before slipping out of the stall.

"Have fun, doll."

Your pussy ached, and you couldn't help but let out a soft whine as the drugs started to take effect.

A familiar buzzing sounded, and you heard the metal doors creak open. You were waiting on the sound of praise from your beloved bulls from yesterday but were met with two entirely different voices. One rumbling lowly, almost scarily close to a gruff growl.

"She seems new- she's super fucking hot though. What do you think about this one, Jake?"

A large figure passed you, seemingly larger than even the bulls you'd met yesterday and a heavy blush covered your face as you were met face-to-face with his giant cock. You drooled almost instantly.

"Her tits are huge - he looks like she'll be lots of fun."

They looked at you like meat, and you were so into it. The drugs made your head feel hot and swimming thoughts as your head flooded with all of the things they might do to you.

The one who was apparently named Jake pulled a leaver under your head, and the headrest folded back, causing your head to fall limp back over it. He pressed his tip to your mouth and smiled.

"Start sucking."

You didn't know how you felt about his tone, but it seemed to make you even wetter. You opened your mouth and stuck your tongue out. He smirked down at you and grabbed your throat, then without warning or prep, shoved himself down your throat.

"God- damn it that's so good-",

The other followed suit by pressing his tip to your needy hole, he teased himself by tip fucking you for a few minutes, every time you felt you were getting close, he'd pull out.

After a few times of that, he shoved his full length into you, pressing himself against your cervix.

He pressed down on your lower stomach/ bladder while he moved inside of you, just to see the imprint of his length through you.

you moaned as they began to move faster, slamming their hips into you, Jake groaned as your moans vibrated your throat against his cock.

"Fuck~ just like that-", Jake groaned and huffed,

the other bull moaned out, "I wanna fuck her ass, it looks even tighter than her pussy-"

You blushed as your mind swam. You'd never done anal before and heard it was quite painful, but all you could think about was the two creatures using you.

"You know- we might be able to break the cuffs and have some fun. We'll just clamp them back after. What do you say, Liam?"

"I say what are we waitting for?," The smaller bull smirked and gripped the ankle cuffs, prying them open one at a time with a great deal of effort, being the cuffs were assumedly made to prevent this exact scenario.

Jake did the same to the arm cuffs. You tried to get up, to struggle, to move, anything. You found that you couldn't move. You'd never noticed before because you were tied down and couldn't move anyway, but now you could feel the active numbness in your skin.

"Awe, I think she's trying to get away~" Liam cooed at you as Jake took you into his arms. He wrapped your legs around him, holding you up far enough to drop you down onto his throbbing cock, you moaned out and he kept one arm around your waist and shoved one of his huge fingers into your mouth.

Liam walked up behind you and held your ass up, gently pressing his tip against your ass hole, he probed for a moment, pushing in just enough to open you up.

Your body felt so limp that you could feel your own weight, pulling you down against their lengths. you couldn't hold your head up, so you rested against Luke's chest.

you felt a sharp pain and cried out weakly as the smaller bull forced himself into you, his warm chest against your back. You could feel his breath in your ear, his grunting causing your pussy to leak cum down your thighs.

His cock seemed to rub in all the right places and you couldn't help but drool. As the drugs reached their full effect, you felt like you couldn't possibly take it or be more full, you thought they were going to rip you in half from both ends, and you were hungry for it.

Once you were filled by both of them, they both held onto your hips and helped each other pump into you. They moaned and cursed into your ears.

They occasionally praised you, fondly licking at your cheeks as they used you. Luke leaned down and put your neck roughly, just barely keeping himself from drawing blood.

"Careful Jake- I'm going to fucking kill you if we lose another week's worth of privileges-", Liam spat at the other as he thrusted into you.

You could feel their knots pressing against your holes, begging for entry. They were both in your guts, their cocks rubbing against eachother through the thin layer of skin between your entrances.

You managed to muster a quiet sentence, almost not heard over your money and whimpers.

"Please cum in me~", you begged them,

"You hear that? The pretty cow wants our cum- how bout we fill her up and swap. We should spend all of our time wisely."

He chuckled mockingly into your ear as they both made an effort to thrust faster, occasionally lifting you higher to tease their tips.

"Fuck- fuck I'm so close- take my knot bitch-"

This caused your pussy to clench roughly around the bigger bulls cock as you squirted, covering his stomach and strong thighs.

As you came, your asshole checked around Liams length, he moaned lewdly before thrusting his knot violently into you, spewing his cum into your virgin hole.

His cum was so hot and thick, you could almost feel it in your stomach, you didn't think you could be any more full.

Until Jake pushed his knot unto your dropling cunt, you screamed as their knots rubbed together inside of you, milking themselves. Their grunts were enough to make you cum again as if their knots didn't.

He jammed his head against your cervix, using that to further milk himself as your guts rubbed his sensitive tip just right.

His cum seemed to be even warmer, it was so think and filled you so well that it leaked down over his cock and down your thighs.

They panted softly, and Jake lifted you off of them, allowing Liam to lay down on the bench you had been clamped down to.

The bigger bull gently layed you onto of the other, your tits resting softly against his face. Liam groped them roughly, causing milk to sport out softly against his face. He snickered,

"Oh yeah, I forgot that we were breeding a milk cow - she's one of the special ones."

Liam took both of your sensitive nipples into his mouth and sucked aggressively, groaning happily as your milk filled his mouth.

You could feel his head prodding at your entrance and leaning back against it, helping him enter you.

Jake came up behind you and thrusted into your now comfortably stretched hole, still rubbing against all of your sensitive spots. As he moved, Liam began to pump gently into you.

He moved casually, just enjoying the sensation of you as he drank your milk, and you only squirmed lightly as he groped and massaged your breasts.

"I think the drugs are wearing off. But she's behaving so well- think we should pick up the pace for her? She's doing so good and looks like she could really use our loads-"

Jake smirked as his hands slipped to your hips, his big hands gripping them roughly.

The smaller bull nodded half-heartedlyas he teased your nipples with his tongue and began to move faster into you, their cocks once again rubbing against eachother with only your thin walls to separate them.

Your tongue hung out of your mouth like a desperate dog and you could still feel their cum on your thighs and leaking out of you like a creame filled donut.

You whimpered and whined as they moved, and the feeling of Liams tongue on your nipples sent a signal to your sloppy cynt that you couldn't describe, a pulsing in your clit-

You reached down between your legs and rubbed desperately, the sensations driving you insane.

The smaller bull let go of your breasts and grabbed your hands roughly. He held them together over his shoulder, which caused you to elongate yourself, your back arching further against Jake.

He took happily to this, smiling dazedly as your ass pressed against his length, causing him to go even deeper.

Without the extra cum in you you imagined he'd split you in half, you almost wanted another dose of the drugs, you imagined the warm dazed feeling flooding your head like the few times you'd had to many drinks.

"Fuck I love how she sounds- she makes so many cute noises when she's getting her guts peniteated."

Liam cooed this into your ear, and he grabbed your throat. This was almost better than the drugs, the static flooded from your neck where his strong hand gripped, moving up to your already foggy brain.

Your vision flooded in and out as he let go right before you felt like you were going to pass out. You could feel their cocks throbbing against your walls, and their knots had grown back to their full size, slamming against your entrances.

Liam huffed and used both hands to use your throat as his leverage, pounding mercilessly into you.

You squeezed in excitement as you felt yourself getting close to your own climax once more.

Jake chuckled and pushed the back of your head into Liams chest. Your tongue still hung out of your mouth, Liam mocked,

"I think our milk cow might be part mutt-", He looked down at you and gripped your throat as tight as he could with both hands before pushing his knot as hard as he could unto you, Jake following suit.

Their cum flooded your guts and at the same time, you whimpered and whined loudly, screaming out as you squirted against Jake's thighs, the cum running down your own thighs onto Liams legs.

They both rested inside of you as their cum spewed against your walls, once again bursting out of you and around their cocks.

When they pulled out, another stream of cum sprayed on your back and stomach. They panted and gently lifted you and placed you back onto the chair face down, clamping the cuffs back around your limbs.

They both came around to your face and licked at your cheeks softly.

"We had a lot of fun, pretty cow. Hope we get to see you again."

Jake winked and walked away to the back door of the stall.

"Hopefully, well, see you later, Mutt."

Liam granted you a small head scratch before walking away with the other.

Soon after, Dr Sylvia walked into your pen and to your little bench. She examined the bars and groaned.

"I swear - these two do this every time. Did they take you out of your restraints?"

You nodded softly and tried to speak and managed to weakly,

"Yes, but I had fun.."

She shook her head softly and pressed the button to unclasped your cuffs.

"Yes, but what if they do this to someone who doesn't? It also just generally isn't safe for the cuffs to be all bent uo like this. Don't you worry though, sweetie. I'll get this all sorted out. Now let's see if we can get some of that milk out of you, huh?"

Her velvety voice slipped through your ears, and you smiled, pressing your chest out slightly, hoping to make it easier for her as she lowered the breast holding arm.

"Thank you, darling."

She cooed and gently attached the pumps to your nipples. A decent amount of milk still cane out, but only half of the container was filled compared to last time.

She clicked her tongue.

"And they took most of your milk - unbelievable. Next time, I'll give you double the dose."

She shook her head and smiled at you, kissed your forehead, and helped you get off of the table.

She helped you into your robe and handed you your clothes, and carried the milk pump to the golf cart. Sylvia offered your arm to assist you as you stepped into the seat, and your assigned driver looked over at you and blushed.

You looked an absolute mess and she couldn't help but stair as the cum that coated the top of your cleavage.

"See you tomorrow!"

The Dr waved goodbye to you and smiled.

Your driver kept quiet most of the ride, which seemed to be nice considering the shift you'd had.

Once she pulled up to your apparent, she helped you up the stairs and into your apartment.

"You haven't set up your bed yet?"

You shook your head and fell onto your mattress. She pouted softly and pulled out her phone.

"I'm going to have the staff come and help you set up. It's not too late, so I'm going to have them come help. Do you have a couch?"

You nodded lightly and gestured to the living room.

"Come on then. You can lay there until they help you with the bed. Where's your bedding?"

You pointed at the closet,

"it's in a clear bag, the one it came in."

She nodded and helped you to your couch, which was drowning in boxes in your living room. She stepped to the side once you'd laid down and made a couple of calls. You could barely make out what she was saying before you fell into a light sleep.

You woke up to the woman gently shaking you awake. Most of the boxes were moved out of the way to make a path to the different rooms and open up some floor space. She helped you to your room, and you saw your bed frame set up and your bedding laid out.

This made you smile, and you thanked her. You walked into your bathroom, and your driver saw herself out, locking the door from the inside before closing it.

You bathed and slipped happily into your soft sheets and cozy, fluffy duvet; dreaming about your wonderful night.

[covenofthearticulate]

Ash I’ve been bitten by the Louis!Simp bug, I need your headcanons about his romantic side please and thank you 🥹 (with specific partners or in general or both, dealers choice!!!)

JESS!!!!!! hello. in all forms but physical i am squeezing your shoulders and kissing your cheeks. welcome to the louis!simp club i am so glad you're here

anyway YEAH i think in terms of fanon, folks tend to underestimate Louis' interest/capacity for romance because he always has a bad time whenever anyone tries to show him a Grand Romantic Gesture but i just adhgdskfbhsjbfvdjhbf I think Louis is one of the most romantic characters in the series!!! he just shows it in ways that aren't obvious to those who don't know him well, but I know for a fact that this man is down so bad for Lestat and Armand and just wants to see them happy.

He strikes me as the kind of person who puts a lot of time and effort into the love he gives— whether that's spending actual time with his lovers (I always HC that his preferred love language is Quality Time) or hunting down a specific gift, or even taking the time to better himself!!

Like I know we talk about it a lot, but I think all the times throughout later canon where Louis dresses nicely for Lestat and Armand is such a great example of the type of lover Louis is. That's the closest thing to any Grand Love Gesture he'll get. We know if it were up to him, he would wear the same clothes for centuries. He doesn't care about his appearance, but he knows that Lestat and Armand do. He knows that they like to look at him, that they like to see him in fine things, just as he used to like seeing Claudia in fine things. They gift him clothes because that is their way of showing affection, and he knows he can ease Lestat's or Armand's anxiety just a little bit by accepting that affection and allowing them to fawn over his beauty, even if it makes him uncomfortable. Louis is someone who thrives with the comfort of the familiar; to step out of his comfort zone is a BIG DEAL to him, and I think we really see that reflected in Lestat and even Armand's narration any time they do see him all dressed up, like they always seem so surprised and awestruck LOL

ANYWAY yeah he cares so deeply for his loved ones like really truly, I think that Louis is the kind of lover who is just so thoughtful. Gift giving isn't necessarily his preferred love language, but he's ALWAYS thinking of Lestat and Armand, and it manifests in different ways. Some nights he'll barge into the room and read aloud an article he thinks they might find interesting, and he'll ask them questions and soak in every one of their opinions. Other nights he simply graces them with his presence and reads silently beside them.

And other nights still, Louis will revisit arguments that occurred a century ago, or even an hour ago, and will pick at old wounds not because he is truly upset, but because Louis is genuinely the kind of person who is constantly thinking about the things Lestat or Armand have said to him. He's constantly picking their words apart in his head, trying to find new meaning, and I know it's absolutely infuriating for Lestat, but there's something about Louis where, even as he's rebutting an argument from two years back, there's a passion in his eyes that's just so exciting and almost kind of sweet. You just KNOW that Louis loves to debate, not for the sake of winning (though he loves to win) but because he loves to hear his lovers' ideas and understand their psyche. Honest to god, I think Louis' ideal date night would be debating beside a cozy fire LOL

Okay sorry this is getting long! I don't have a lot of individual headcanons BUT one favorite headcanon that I've had in my back pocket and do want to turn into a fic one day is that Louis teaches himself to speak Armand's native tongue, so he can tell him he loves him with a language Armand has not heard for centuries.

Another headcanon I've been thinking about as well is like, in a similar vein to the clothes thing, Louis understanding how insecure Lestat gets at times, especially about how their relationship is perceived. So like, again with the comfort zone thing, I think Louis tries very very very hard to swallow his discomfort in order to occasionally hold Lestat's hand in public. Maybe even kiss him, who knows. He loathes being perceived, but he'll do it for Lestat.

[lobstermatriarch]

Hi! A lot of interesting questions, but I'd like to hear your answers to 14, 27, 29, and 68 the most :)

Hello, and sorry for the delay!! Thank you for the ask 💖

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

Oh this is hard to answer. I've definitely drawn from personal experiences for a lot of what I've written, as I'm sure the "we relate to monsters because the world makes us feel monstrous" website will understand.

That said, I do draw a lot on my professional skills rather than personal ones these days. In my line of work I have spend a lot of time reminding myself that emotional responses are individual and often cultural, and that I have to empathize with people's feelings while taking whether or not I agree with/understand their behavior out of the equation. I think it translates well to writing from a different character's perspective, and to keeping focus on what makes sense for them instead of what's personally relatable to me.

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

Writing and writing.

No but for real, I do love having the "god damn it this is about [x] again" breakthrough in terms of understanding why I'm writing a story. And I also hate rereading what I've written too much as I tend to start picking it apart quite harshly.

29. What’s your revision or editing process like?

I'm in the terrible habit of editing as I go. Don't do it kids, it slows you way down and lands you with weird mistakes. I do a last skim and final edit too, which is usually where I start liking the story more.

More recently, I've been lucky to have @antimonyantigone, who is an absolutely incredible author, as a beta reader. It v much helps to have a second opinion that I trust when I'm second guessing things during the editing process.

68. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

Music! Music is a really big one. I do have playlists for all of my long works (if you want to see the one for durgestarion/Come Down you can find it here) and even a few short ones.

If I'm feeling really stuck I'll also sometimes pick up a book, movie, or show I know I like, try to break down what I like about it (or remind myself that it has flaws and is really enjoyable despite them), and see if I can apply that in any way.

[swallowerofdharma]

Hi. I am new to this story and unsure of my understanding so i am sorry that this is too long but i wanted to give my reasons behind the question. Please feel free to pick them apart. Also english is not my first language so i might over explain in my anxiety to be comprehensive.

Yashiro compares himself to livestock, thinks his impotence is poetic justice, goes along with all of doumeki’s ministrations even though no sex between them has been based on yashiro’s actual wants (this is not to bash doumeki, he is also complex and deserving of empathy and understanding) apart from physical arousal which was earlier steeped in his childhood trauma and now is steeped in his idealisation of doumeki from their first sex which again was traumatic for him so neither is a good thing in my opinion.

For me this story is about Yashiro accepting (he already knows) that people caused him pain through sex, control and neglect and he deserved none of it. This acceptance was triggered by sex steeped in mutual love so i think love’s narrative role as a catalyst is done. Yashiro’s fear is his antinomy and no amount of external validation can resolve that unless he abandons the idea that he is unlovable and it can only start by him accepting that he loves himself. Yashiro already loves himself, its evident from his tremendous growth post time skip. There have been so many instances of him recognizing his self worth and starting to assign blame especially with doumeki but he backtracks partially because of his immense trauma that colors his self perception and partially his idealisation (he does not struggle as much with asserting himself with inami). His ‘spare me’ in the last chapter was such a hopeful moment for me, he was gritting his teeth like he was fed up of it all, (as he should be, i don’t think the story romanticises either of their unhealthy behaviour), it wasn’t resignation. Last time when it got too much, he actively chose to die as he was. This time, and this is consistent with his narrative growth, he might choose to reclaim his agency.

So i wanted to understand why a lot of people think that a confession from doumeki or even yashiro out of their own volition or through an external force would be helpful at this point? Even though i would love to see it as the end result.

Hello Anon, and welcome! English isn’t my first language either and I often find myself puzzled over trying to explain myself in a satisfying way and trying not to write posts so long that people will be too bored to read lol Despite that, I think we have to take our time to be able to put down our thoughts on aspects of a story that are so very delicate and complex. So thank you for including your considerations in your ask, it helps me a lot. If you wanted to know if a simple confession would be enough after so many misunderstandings and with so many doubts between these two characters, my answer is along the lines of “it might depend on what type of reader you are”. Probably most people just really feel that a confrontation or plain communication is necessary and that the circumstances will push Yashiro and Doumeki to stop hiding their true feelings, including their individual fears. Adding to this the discomfort that many people have when they experience uncertainty, when things are not confirmed literally and plainly, in this case the characters’ intentions: there is probably some trepidation and the expectation for a confession given in non ambiguous terms, and this should provide some sort of closure for those who are willfully overlooking some of the deeper issues you mentioned above and just want a conventional happy ending. For some readers this isn’t a story about individual growth, necessarily, because they interact with the story with the expectation that the point is the romantic relationship itself, without questioning too deeply about the necessity of building trust in intentional ways. But I believe that this story is just so much more interesting if we take notice of the struggle between the different ideologies and worldviews of the characters, their identity and will and their crises, especially as someone’s identity is so crucial when it comes to loving and being loved. Yashiro’s doubts and fear, his guilt and the fact that he has been struggling with his acceptance of homosexual relationships for a long time would not have been there if this wasn’t a honest attempt to draw a believable character development, of asking the readers to look at the mask and why we need the mask in the first place. So many times Yashiro covers his face with his hand. The question is a crucial one, what if we are too raw and vulnerable underneath that unmasking will take away too much? “Do people really want to be understood?” asks young Yashiro to Misumi. What if being seen and understood takes away everything that keeps you standing as a person (persona)?

This is a story that has a lot of light and levity considering. Yashiro’s strength and resilience is the quality that makes him stand out so much. I’m looking forward to seeing him facing the hardest confrontation yet: Izumi, not as a rival, but as a woman.

“If you reveal everything, bare every feeling, ask for understanding, you lose something crucial to your sense of yourself. You need to know things that others don't know. It's what no one knows about you that allows you to know yourself.” Don DeLillo

[deerabigailhobbs]

This might have been asked before but why is Abigail Hobbs your all time favorite character?

Hello, thank you for the question! I've been asked this before in DMs but never in inbox before :)

I won't bore you with the details, but last year was extremely rough for me, both physically and mentally, and I discovered Hannibal around July time. Watching the first episode, seeing Abigail on screen, what happened to her, her in the hospital, I was immediately captivated by her character. Even though I had seen spoilers many years ago about her fate, I had to keep watching to see how it would unravel.

Now, like many people on this site, Hannibal hasn't been my only obsession with a piece of media, however I've never had a character fill me with such joy and overwhelming creativity before. I was drawing her, editing her, sending paragraphs upon paragraphs about her to my friend (shout out to them) because I could not stop talking about her, which is something I still do. With going through such a hard time in my life, here was a character who was also suffering, who was also scared and confused, and I think that's possibly why I felt so connected to her when she first appeared on screen, thrust into something she wanted no part of and couldn't control.

As for analysis of the character herself, I just think she's so interesting! Sometimes she feels like less of a character and more of a prop, motivation for the other characters to use. We never really see her on her own, never truly know what she's thinking, we can only speculate and try and put the pieces together ourselves, trying desperately to not view her in the eyes of Hannibal or Will. This layer of mystery makes her so compelling to watch. Honestly, she can be very unpredictable at times, killing Nick, digging up his body, manipulating the conversation at one point and being completely helpless the next, I feel like you never really know what's going to happen when she's on screen.

And of course there's her death, and how beautifully tragic it is. This woman, who wanted to be loved, to be understood, left to bleed out once more by someone who was supposed to protect her. I cannot imagine how she must have felt in those final moments, Hannibal's bloody hand stretched out to her, knife gleaming in the other one. She knew what was going to happen, what was about to be recreated, and she embraces it. She had no say before but she does now. And I think even in those last few minutes of her life, she wanted to live, even as the knife scrapped against her throat a second time, she plead for survival, but the only way she could be safe is via death. If she left with Hannibal and Will she'd be surrounded by twice her father once more, if she stayed she would have been turned in to the police, if she ran as far as she could, she would never be able to escape the guilt that her life brought her.

And so she decides to die by her own choice, to "push the button." And she's scared, unsure of her decision as she's grasping at her bleeding neck and gasping for air. I think she was unsure if she made the right call because every decision in her life has been done for her. It's a foreign feeling to a character that never had a taste of agency and individuality before.

Abigail is so immensly intriguing, and I love to pick her actions and motives apart, adding my own interpretations to a character that's all about peeling off their layers and trying to find their true self underneath.

[flythesail]

If the show had Drewson endgame, I think I would still want to see them break up in season 1. Season 1 Nancy seems very not ready for a relationship to me, so I think it would have been neat if we got to see Nancy grow a little as a person, then realize how great Nick is and how close they’ve gotten, and then have them get back together in a later season—but not too late! Late season 2 or sometime in season 3 maybe. I think it’s such a waste that the show was started with Drewson and then they pretty much never acknowledge it again after s1! Anyway sorry for sharing my ramblings here

Yeah, me too! Though I personally wouldn't have them get back together until late s3 or s4 because I love drawing out a relationship haha. I think if you're going to start a show with a couple established, break them up, and have them reunite to be endgame, *the* key thing is developing their relationship along the way. I hate nothing more than throwing a couple back together at the end just because "they were always meant to be" when nothing was done to further develop their relationship past the reasons they broke up.

Nancy and Nick, however, had some good growth over the four seasons even no longer being romantic. If they had been endgame, they easily could have played that up more for a satisfying reunion. It's fun to do it that way too because when you have a couple together at the start, you miss out on the slowburn. Yet this way you kinda get the best of both in a reverse sort of way.

Now, drewson to me seems like a case of right person, wrong time. I think s4 made that clear to me because they work well on screen together and after some individual character development, they'd have been a lot more equipped to work through their issues. Earlier I'd probably have been like oh no they wouldn't have worked just because I was more invested in fanson and nace. But rewatching after the show is over I've really been loving looking at all the what-ifs. And I love Nick and Nancy too so... !

On the topic of closure, I just rewatched 1x13 and the one thing that stood out to me is that The Whisper Box is far from closure for Nancy re: Nick. Later when they're all back at the Claw, you can tell she's almost ready, even wanting, to open up to him. But by that point fanson is developing so she's missed her window.

I suppose there is some focus on it from s2 up until 3x01. In 2x01 everyone's reminiscing about the day they met. 2x04 has Nancy acknowledge she never knew he took stuff apart as a kid (leading to his mechanic job). Nick says she never asked. The idea being now they're building the foundation for a relationship they didn't before. So I'd agree Nancy wasn't ready for a relationship in early s1. The issues she had with Nick weren't even necessarily unique to a romantic relationship. Nancy was having the same issue letting the entire crew into her life.

Back to Nick, though. I think 2x18 could be considered closure. In the dreamscape:

"But you can't give in to it, cause you did feel okay again. Right?"

"You were a part of that. That's why it hurt so much when you chose George." "But I'm still here with you." "Thanks for still being my friend."

But! The problem is this is dreamscape!Nick. So he never gets to hear it.

Then, by 3x01 it's clear Nancy is at peace with it all. She tells Nick she likes the green when he's picking a paint color (George's color, specifically).

So I wouldn't say they don't acknowledge drewson after s1, but they mostly do in a roundabout way where it's either in Nancy's head or just symbolism to show she's happy for him and George now. I suppose if the dreamscape is *the* closure, it's on par with the rest of the show. It's not the only time something happens in a "supernatural" way. The downside is that it just doesn't include Nick and is more for Nancy.

My one thought is maybe they'd have given them a more direct conversation if we didn't drop down to 13 episodes. Or, if they knew s4 was the final season prior to the very end of making it. But then again, I can also see why they wouldn't have prioritized it since by s2 fanson was well established and nace was starting to be intentionally written.

Regardless of closure, I think they have a really beautiful relationship. Sure, they break up early on. But by s4 they've become to each other as friends what they needed to be back then for a lasting relationship.

(Please don't apologize for rambling because I just did the sameeee exact thing haha.)

[incorrecttowerofgodquotes]

Gundam: The Witch From Mercury Season 2 Episode 6 Review

- Suletta needs to learn proper coping techniques fast. Just ignoring the problem doesn’t make it go away. All that does is let it build up inside you until you snap. However, since the very beginning, Suletta has acted as a doormat, letting people walk all over her without speaking up for herself. She deserves to be sad, she deserves to be angry. Being a people-pleaser will only just tear her apart more. Luckily, both Chuchu and Eri realized this, and while Chuchu went about it the healthier way, it was good of Eri to finally cut off Suletta. She needs to establish a life outside of being Aerial’s pilot. It might have been what she was made for, but fuck destiny and parental expectations! Live your own life tanuki!

- Earth House claiming the best supporting character spots simply by recognizing what’s wrong with Suletta and actually acting on it, especially Chuchu. She pushes Suletta to express her true feelings and makes the plan to go see Miorine so she can explain herself. She’s grown up from the violent little doggy she was before. She uses her anger to push her forward, but she isn’t letting it take over her like Norea

- Poor Lauda is projecting his insecurities onto Suletta (though he isn’t really wrong.) He’s dedicated his life and self worth into supporting his brother, much like Suletta with Aerial, and now that Miorine’s the one by his side, he feels empty. He needs to come into his own as person and separate himself from his brother. I can only hope his adorable girlfriend Petra can help him through these times.

- Lauda and Felsi thanking Chuchu made me weak. They’re so honorable. But what shot me in the heart was Felsi’s smile and look back at Chuchu before she ran off. She loves that poofy girl so much. I’d love to see the two go to Earth and fight together

- I feel so bad for Martin. He did the right thing in reporting Nika because she never explained herself despite him giving her multiple chances, and he wanted to protect the rest of his friends. Dude’s carrying a heavy weight on his shoulders, but his little therapy session just made it worse.

- WHAT THE FUCK SECELIA!

- Girl created a whole catholic confession booth on the school to figure out the student’s dirty secrets. Interesting thing though, is that it’s Rouji’s Haro instead of the normal ones. The normal Haro’s are connected to the authorities and report everything but since Rouji’s is custom, it probably doesn’t have that feature. And is Secelia doing this just because she likes gossip or because she’s now taking her job seriously and wants to weed out any dangerous individuals? Or is the Burion House sort of like a secret police that monitors everyone?

- Shaddiq ONCE AGAIN is a total snake, but he’s definitely bit off more than he could chew by meeting with Prospera. If Shaddiq is two steps ahead of our main cast, Prospera is at the top of the stairs ready to push him down

- Peil House is the worst group of people I’ve ever seen in my life. They literally just let a computer decide the fates of orphaned children and pick out which ones they’ll experiment on. Elan Prime was lucky. He could have ended up another Enhanced Person if fate decided to be a dick. Which probably only makes El5n even more pissed. Like, he could have been the special one, but instead some computer decided he wasn’t important enough

- Speaking of El5n, my beloved, tight lips my ass. Bro just spilled the whole tea on Peil to two random fugitives. Shows just how much he hates them. But poor Nika wasn’t expecting to have to deal with all that and now she’s floundering. Maybe she’ll start working on Gundams that don’t kill people. Also El5n calling out Norea and pointing out the similarities between each other all while she’s trying to stab him is hot and I ship them so hard. Nika should ask Sabina for a separate room or she’ll be witness to their hatefucking

- Finally we see the Schwarzette! There’s been so much discussion about this suit, what it was or who would pilot it, and now we get to see it in all its glory. We’ll have to see if the AI will take on the Permet strain or if it’ll hurt the pilot.

- If this anime wasn’t political already, then we’re about to get sooooo political. Miorine is gonna have a hard time connecting with the rioters considering her position and personality. Maybe Guel will be able to help her navigate, and maybe even use his Dawn of Fold connections. Personally, if they want to help, I think setting up field hospitals would be the first best step but that’s just me

- The swole chad Kenanji has now joined the group and I’m so excited. Bro was hyped up in the prologue and then dropped off the face of the earth. But considering he’s on the same spaceship as Prospera, I don’t think he’ll be getting out of it alive

- Eri’s a savage. She allowed Suletta to come to her just to tell her she’s ditching her. Like, I know she’s trying to help, but she could have been gentler. And activating the Permet really didn’t help either.

- Prospera actually does something nice and stops using Suletta for her revenge. But she still doesn’t explain anything and this leaves Suletta a sobbing broken mess out in space. Truly the mother of the year. But the way she defers to Eri shows that ultimately, she’s a broken woman who just wants her daughter back. Everything she’s done is all so she can be with Eri again, ignoring the thousands of people she’s trampled

Next episode is gonna be painful as well. I don’t expect good things to happen on Earth, especially not since karma magnet Guel and warcrime MILF Prospera are there. Also since Shaddiq was the title vocalist, maybe we’ll get more of his backstory?

[yellowocaballero]

asking you about jason todd 👀

OK OK OK Jason Todd HCs. Honestly, most of these could just be Jason Todd HCs in general. As usual with my AUs it's just "how I would do X character". I did a write up of him in the AU here which should explain a lot but:

Visually, he's destined to have a tall and very strong frame, despite a childhood of malnutrition. He's really racially ambiguous visually, but you can pick out some Filipino/Mexican/Black/White in there. (This is partly inspired from the comics - Jason and Bruce wondered if Lady Shiva was his Mom, which one would think they wouldn't do if he looked completely White! This was never brought up again but I thought it was interesting). He speaks a shitton of languages but they're all pidgins and Spanglish and the other language equivalents of Spanglish lol.

Victim of childhood emotional and physical neglect as a kid, and after a certain point he just started taking care of himself. But he was collectively raised by his entire apartment building, so he has really strong emotional and physical ties to community and his people. Jason's both one of those people who knows everybody, and he's one of those people you come to with your problems and helps you out. He's a fixer - he takes care of people and he's very good at it. Jason is an extremely kind and selfless person. He just cares so fucking much, despite everything.

Despite & because of all of these things (racial, parental, community) he has identity issues. He's proud of his ID as an East Ender, but he constantly struggles with who he is, what heritage and community does he belong to, and does he have one to call his own. In the East end there's a thousand different communities, and although Jason's adjacent to all of them he never really belongs in any. No matter how much he does he'll always be an outsider.

He finds guidance in these identity issues by converting to Judaism, actually! It gives him that need for history and identity and belonging that he's always looked for, and it ties him together strongly with Bruce and the family. He's the reason Bruce actually starts practicing again and it's extremely sweet and wholesome etc. Jason gets really into it, he loves philosophy and dialectics.

This confused sense of identity and belonging is why he loves Robin so much. It's also why he kind of hates Robin sometimes. He loves the Waynes and everybody bends over backwards making him feel included & loved & important & like he's a real son in the family (in a way that has never. been done before lmfaooo) and Robin is the most important and influential 'identity' in Gotham, but it also comes with a very heavy and laden history and burden of the ways it's failed before.

Robin will never really be his. Bruce will always look at Jason in the costume and see the oldest son he mismanaged and the previous Robin who died horrifically without knowing that he was loved. Jason is actually legit the favorite kid, maybe just behind Cass, jkalsdjf, and maybe although Jason Todd's always the individual and holds a unique position that's never been filled before - somebody who's actually treated like a son with open affection and great effort made towards being part of the family - as Robin his successes will never quite match up to Bruce's mistakes.

Whoah that got long jaklsdjf I'm sorry I got Lost In The Themes Sauce. That's not really Jason HCs as it is Jason's story. There's a lot more to it, but I think when you enter a broken family then family becomes important to you. I think there's nothing he ever wanted more for Bruce than for Tim to have survived, but he knows everything he has is because Tim didn't.

And then Tim tried to beat him to death lmfao #girlboss. Thanks for the ask I love the boy!

[krakerjaksstuff]

4, 8 and 14 for the hbo war ask game!

4. Favorite/least favorite Band of Brothers characters? Why?

Answered here!

8. What was your favorite thing about The Pacific?

Answered here! But lucky for you I love the pacific so much that I’m just gonna yap some more!

I really like how in depth we go into the minds of all three of the protagonists. It’s a level you don’t really get with BoB (not that that’s BoB’s fault since the point of that show is to show the camaraderie and less on the individual experience), and I just love seeing how each character grows and gets changed by everything. I would read such long character studies on Eugene, Leckie, and Basilone please rec me some if you have any

14. Do you have a favorite The Pacific episode? Which one and why?

ALL OF THEM. no genuinely help me I can’t pick I’m just gonna go with the one I’ve been thinking the most about lately which is ep 8 Iwo Jima. First time I watched it, I was like ???? We just went through hell with Eugene and now we’re doing a little romance back in stateside??? But after my rewatch, I fell completely in love with the episode. It wraps Basilone’s character arc perfectly and his romance with Lena is just the best. They’re two individuals who’ve only been viewed by who they are on the surface, but with each other, they truly see each other. And I will never find it not tragic how it’s their love for the marines that brought them together and made each other understand and connect with the other yet it’s this same love that tore them apart. Also the whiplash from the honeymoon to Iwo Jima, and then John dying then the cut to Lena by the sea? Makes me cry every time

Thank you so much for the ask! <3

[thecandywrites]

Monster March 2023- Day 20- Humanoid Cat/Cat folk- Part 1

What to Bring to a Table

Ok, so we've all heard the saying that in relationships- 'What do you bring to the table?" Right? And the older I get, the more I realize, that metaphor is, as archaic as it is, still has a good point.

It's not really about what you can bring to a table, but it's about the table itself. Or its what you as the individual are and have made yourself into. Is the table well made? Is it purely decorative or is it dual purpose or is it rough or just slapped haphazardly together? Is it too high for anyone to reach? Is it so low that it's barely off the ground? How big should it be? Or should it fear that another will come along and saw it and break it apart and rebuild it to suit them? Or worse yet, look at the table that you've built and stacked and stocked for yourself, and think they're entitled to eat everything on it, leaving you with table scraps and a tale full of dirty dishes?

And it should also be a of note, that each dish that you may try to put on the table itself, may have been a labor of love and you may have put a lot of work and effort into it. But if all that hard work is not recognized or praised or noticed, but if anything, taken for granted or demanded, then why do it at all?

And I was totally listening to Labour by Paris Paloma while I was writing this and it shows. And while that song did unlock thousands of years of feminine rage, for guys to recognize that it is a lot of labor and that they should count themselves privledged to even be invited to take a seat at the table and come to the table with some support, and praise and recognition of all the hard work that went into the table and be willing to do the same and willing to join their own table to yours, not to feast and then walk away, but to help make both tables better and stronger for it and willing to cook for the food and clean up after too.

Also, I was severely injured last week and it's thrown yet another monkey wrench into my life. And then my grandmother's caretaker, went off her meds, got 51/50'd into the psyche ward for homicidal tendancies so I, even as injured and in as much pain as I'm in, have tried to help in facilitating her rescue and escape and get her safely to my Mom, only to find out, only hours before we were supposed to go that my parents both got Covid. And then I immediately tested myself, at the time, I tested negative. So it was up to me to clean/disinfect and sanitize my parent's van that just got an oil change and brand new tires so that two of my three sisters could take it down to AZ to pick up my grandmother and bring her here to Ohio. And guess what? I woke up sick this morning myself. Which, honestly, is no surprise for me. I just hope my injury continues to heal and I don't have to be hospitalized for it. Because i'm at risk for MRSA, Staff, Sepsis, and Gangrene. Murphy's Law might as well be my middle name.

Anyway, my first exophillia stories, were actually with rakshasa. So this is going...all the way back to the beginning and then reworking this and rewriting this was really fun for me. I forgot how much I missed this story and these characters. And this was actually fanfiction of @momolady 's Ruby Empire, that I got her permission to write, way back when.

Thanks to @borealwrites for their Monster March 2023 prompts. I know it's April now, but I only have 11 more prompts to go. And when I'm done, I'll put them all in a masterlist like I did with Kinktober.

Monster March 2023 Day 20- Humanoid Cat- Rakshasa

Zakira and Sulaimon

Part 1

Commander Sulaimon Ahusharaht stood stoically by as he waited for the envoy from Willow to come. Willow, was the newest prefecture and protected city state of The Ruby Empire. And his friend, Lomi, and his wife, who was from Willow, asked him if he could serve as an escort to some members of the envoy. She even offered to pay for him to do so. But Lomi and Zara-Joy were his friends and he gladly accepted the request, no payment needed. From that moment, Zara-Joy had told him all about who she wanted him to protect, her best friend, Zakira Ukani and her daughter Zeeanna, while they would be in The Crown City of The Ruby Empire. They were a small ethnic group from Masraiem, before the War of the Pharaohs tore The Old Kingdom from the top down and rebuilt the The New Kingdom of Masraiem a new, and a new dynasty to go with it. And thankfully the people of Willow were thankfully spared. But not for long. And before Willow knew it, it was pulled into a war, it had lost the knowledge and training to fight in the first place. Masraiem while demanding soldiers- did not offer the protection they once promised. Which was why they sought out the Ruby Empire instead. 

According to Zara-Joy, Zakira was descended from the Old Dynasty Royalty. Granted it had been an affair with one of the pharaoh’s many sons. Thankfully she left with her illegitimate heir and kept them safe from The War of The Pharaoh’s and from being killed off as being an heir period, because they were out to take out any and all remnants of the Old Kingdom to set up The New Kingdom and the New Dynasty. However, the reason she still held the title of Mushrief was because her family had otherwise been the heads over the pharaoh's kitchens and especially the banquets. And those traditions got passed down to the point that Zakira was hands down, no contest- the best cook in all of Willow. Her family had planted the most amazing vineyards, growing many kinds of grapes, making the best wine. Olives for olive oil. And figs and palms for dates. Along with leeks, garlic, onions, tomatoes, and other herbs and especially spices. The most prized being saffron of course while her own family were also from the kitchens but were responsible for the desserts. Thus all the marshmallows and other confections, with figs and dates and pomegranates and other fruits. 

But while all the talk of food had made Sulaimon very, very hungry. Zara-Joy stressed that he needed to use extra care and caution with her. Zakira was widowed. Her husband and love of her life, practically since infancy, had left for war, and not returned. Along with her own father and brothers. And she was the only daughter of her family. And so before the men went off to war, they all got hastily married, even though Zakira and Zahir had been planning on getting married anyway. But, instead had to share their wedding night with all the others. And she was one of four who got pregnant. And none of the fathers to the new babies had come back. Either a family got either a father, or in rare instances, a son back. But never both. Nearly all of the men of Willow had gone, except for the lame and very old. And only a handful had returned, and were never the same. 

But Zakira’s father, nor her brothers, nor her husband came back. Her mother died of grief. And she nearly lost herself and her baby to grief several times. To the point, many of Zakira’s friends simply moved in with her to help her care for herself and at least nurture her own pregnancy. And Zakira had not moved on. She refused to wear white, because she refused to accept the deaths of any of them. And instead, had only worn black ever since. Even if the weather was good for it or not. 

Sulaimon, being a black jaguar rakshasa himself, could empathize. He was naturally dark, so the sun was always shining most fiercely over him. And all he could hope was that for Zeeanna’s sake, she too would not be dressed in black either, for fear she would overheat. But Zara-Joy assured him that Zeeanna was now the only thing Zakira was living for, and she was the most loved, cherished, and spoiled rotten baby in all of Willow. Where Zakira would always make sure she was bathed, clean and well fed. So that Zeeanna would never have a reason to cry in the first place. Which worried Zara-Joy, who by now, was expecting herself and she worried that Zeeanna was going to grow up- never hearing the word “no” and know what it meant. And that the reason Zara-Joy specifically asked Sulaimon, was because he had a lot of experience with babies, since all of his siblings had them of all ages and he was used to watching them to give his siblings and their mates breaks and “date nights”. And that she was hoping Sulaimon would give Zeeanna, the gentle, but firm correction and loving discipline, she would no doubt need since she was fast approaching the terrible twos, despite only being about a year old. 

But that, was what gave Sulaimon pause, because most parents were usually pretty protective over their kids and didn’t like “strangers” telling them how to parent their kids. Especially when he didn’t have any himself. So, he would just have to wait and see how this meeting with Zakira and Zeeanna would go. 

But that fact that he was even willing, was a huge relief to Zara-Joy, who then, gave him a “gift” to exchange to Zakira since Willow was known for it’s customs and traditions of trading gifts. That he would give this bottle of perfume to her once they got to meet in person. And she’d give him a flower necklace that would match the one she would make for herself and the flower necklace would serve like a name badge so she would be able to tell him apart from the other escorts who were also called in on this. 

Sulaimon watched as his comrades were happy to meet their person in the envoy to escort them while they were here, visiting with Zara-Joy and her husband. 

Sulaimon waited and waited and waited as the envoy that never seemed to end, as he realized, it was practically one huge group of young women, all Zara-Joy’s age, with a few families, being in the mix. They all came in and greeted Zara Joy first before she pointed them to their escorts and protectors. And soon, all of his friends and comrades on either side of him and all around him were pulled to their intended protectee- while in the Crown City. 

Finally, the last person in the envoy came through the gate, leaving Sulaimon to assume that this must have been Zakira Ukani. She was, indeed- wearing all black, although it was embroidered with gold thread as an accent. But she was clutching a small baby to her chest, wrapped in still damp white clothes to keep her cool in the heat. Which fit the description Zara-Joy gave him. So he figured that was his cue to finally go up and introduce himself at least. 

But the closer he got, the moment she pulled her black hood back, to reveal a river of black and sun lightened brown hair, he was suddenly mesmerized and then slowed down to a stop as his pupils dilated as wide as they could be while his focus was suddenly solely on her. She had to be the most beautiful human looking woman he had ever seen before in his life. The Crown City had all sorts of species of people. So he was used to seeing all manner of them. But to see all of these very pretty girls come in, his friends were suddenly very pleased with the “assignment”. 

But once she embraced her friend and then Zara-Joy pointed to him, her face changed to that of one of weariness and apprehension but she seemed to try to push that down as she purposefully came forward to at least meet him halfway before his feet soon did the same. 

“Mushrief Zakira Ukani?” He greeted hopefully as he came over to her. 

“Commander Sulaimon Ahushrat.” She greeted back cordially as her voice still had a thicker Masraiem accent. And he had heard tales of queens of the Pharoh’s being handpicked from the beauties of Masraiem to serve in his harem when he wasn’t, of course, fucking his own sisters to keep a “pure” bloodline, that is, well, at least, according the rumors anyway. 

“I believe this is for you.” He offered the gift of the bottle of perfume. 

“Thank you, and this is a gift for you.” She offered as she handed him the flower necklace whose blooms were the darkest reds and purples and practically black themselves, but their scents were heady and heavy but divine. 

“Thank you.” As he took it from her and put it on himself while she put the bottle of perfume away into the bag that hung at her hip but hung across her own chest, over her mother’s sling, where her baby was nestled against so that her own mother’s breasts could serve as pillows when she would sleep. The baby still had milk on her face. This was probably why she was the last in, she wanted to feed her baby right before and was probably hanging back to do just that. 

“So this must be little Zeeanna.” He gestured to the baby at her chest before said baby turned at the sound of her name from clutching at her mother to look him over curiously. And if Sulaimon thought that Zakira was beautiful, this little baby had to be the most adorable baby he had ever seen before in his life, his own nieces included. 

But after Zeeanna looked him over, she seemed to make up her mind about him and pulled away from her mother and leaned towards him and started cooing and babbling at him and reaching out with her chubby little hands. 

“No, Anna.” Zakira immediately pulled her baby away from him and tried to wrap her up even closer in the mother sling she had her daughter in. 

“I wouldn’t mind holding her.” He offered. 

“No, she’d hurt herself on all the weapons that are strapped to you.” Zakira sharply turned him down as she tried walking back to her horse while also trying to contain a now very wriggling and bawling baby in her mother’s sling. 

“Here, I’ll take them off.” Sulaimon offered before he took off the straps across his chest where his daggers were and put them around his hips instead so his arms and chest were disarmed and open. 

“Your armor’s most likely burning hot in the sun, it would burn her skin.” Zakira added as she tried to continue to excuse as she tried to walk away but with each wail of Anna, she got more upset and distressed, as did he before he took that off too and handed it all to a friend to keep for him. 

“There, I’m not wearing anything that’ll hurt her or harm her. I can hold her.” He offered as Anna was trying to climb up her mom’s chest, and over her shoulder and cried and still reached out to him and Sulaimon didn’t care if he’d strip down to bare fur if he had to -because her cries were hurting him more than any burning arrow could. 

Finally, Zakira turned around and noticed that he had taken off his chest armor and his daggers and even the swords on their belt at his waist before she begrudgingly and reluctantly got Anna out of her sling and then nervously handed her baby over and watched him like a hawk as he took her and held her securely in his arms as she instantly stopped crying and settled down as Sulaimon instantly started soothing her and cooing to her in turn. 

“Well it’s nice to meet you too. So Anna huh?” He assumed as he looked at her as she smiled, showing off four, tiny little teeth in her otherwise bare gums. Sulaimon made sure his claws were otherwise deep into his fingers as he oh so carefully wiped the tears from Anna’s eyes and her cheeks and began to purr to put her at ease which helped her settle down more and relax and get comfortable. 

“Everything ok?” He asked Zakira as he looked up from Anna to see Zakira standing there, watching him hold her daughter as she was frowning in confusion at the scene. 

“She…she usually doesn’t like anyone but me to hold her.” Zakira reluctantly admitted. 

“Zara-Joy said that she and Lomi got to when they came to visit Willow last.” Sulaimon recalled. So at least he wasn’t first rakshasa Zeeanna had ever met before. 

“I…I thought it was a fluke.” Zakira allowed. 

“Well, Zara-Joy is a very sweet person and her husband was always a remarkable guard in the Palace Guard and is a very good and honorable man. Babies have good senses about people.” Sulaimon offered before he reached up to brush Anna’s thick curls from her face before Anna reached out to grab his hand. 

“Oh, Anna don’t…!” Zakiria immediately rushed to pull his hand out of her daughter’s grasp. But was not fast enough. 

Because with lightning fast speed and surprising strength, Anna grabbed his hands, one hand on his thumb, and the other on his pinky and shoved the back of his first finger into her mouth and bit down. Hard. 

Sulaimon impressed himself by not roaring out in pain but his ears pinned back as his gasp and grunt of pain while his tail nearly snapped like a whip. He just instantly clenched his jaw and let out a low growl as his face scrunched up in pain as his eyes snapped shut before he heard Anna let out the most evil little giggle as Zakira gasped in horror at her daughter’s actions. 

He took a few calming breaths and opened his eyes and fixed Anna with a softened but still firm look of disapproval. 

“I’m so sorry, she’s a biter. I should have warned you.” Zakira offered apologetically as she tried to pry his hand from her daughter’s mouth. 

“No Anna! No biting! Biting bad!” Zakira chastised her baby and popped Anna in the mouth once she had freed Suilaimon’s hand from Anna’s grip and her daughter’s mouth, but that only sent Anna into hysterics again before she rolled in Sulaimons’ arms and sought comfort in Sulaiman's arms and chest and rolled away from her mom to avoid her look of disappointment and anger. 

“Anna, you need to listen to your Mama ok? Biting for the fun of it is bad. If you’re biting to defend yourself, that’s one thing. But biting just to be mean is bad ok?” Sulaimon offered as he moved her to lay over his shoulder and rubbed soothing circles into her back as she then tried to climb into his shirt, like it was another sling before he opened up the top of the vest over his shirt to make a pocket to put herself in. as she was happy to do that. 

Then she gave a huge burp and Sulaimon’s ears went back again as he could feel her milky spit up spill down his back. That this heat only amplified the scent and the feeling of it soaking into his clothes and going down them too. 

“I am so sorry!” Zakira apologized again as she grabbed a cloth from her back to try to wipe it up and off of him before it would soak into his clothes too much. But then Zakira was happy to simply sigh in relief and then nuzzle her head into the crux of Sulaimon’s neck and shoulder and reach up and grab a fistful of his fur in her fist and then promptly, fell soundly asleep. 

Zakira tried to clean it up only to look up and softly gasp at the sight again. 

“What’s wrong?” Sulaimon asked as his ears trained on Zakira behind him. 

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong, she’s…she’s asleep. She hasn’t slept hardly at all this whole trip. She has been incredibly upset and restless since we left home. And…she really needs it. I’m sorry she made a mess of your clothes. I can try to wash them once we get to..” She tried to offer. 

“No, it’s fine. Babies are messy. I know. I don’t have any myself but all of my siblings do. This is not the first or the last time this vest and this outfit will have gotten spit up on it. And it’s pretty easy to clean too, no worries. There’s more than enough soap and fresh water to wash it, and I can wash it myself if need be.” Sulaimon calmly reassured her. 

“Well, thank you, very much for understanding that and being so gracious about this.” Zakira offered. 

“Thank you for trusting me with Anna.” Sulaimon offered in kind as they seemed to finally catch gazes and really see, each other, for who they really were. Sulaimon could just see that she was a young widow, trying to deal with immense grief and loss and motherhood all at once and all on her own. And he could empathize with that. And she could see that, while he may have looked rakshasa, there was still a very good man in there, underneath all that handsome fur. 

“Well, you’re right, babies can tell things about people. And if she likes you enough to play with you, even though she did that by biting you. And if she is comfortable enough to fall asleep in your arms, and you’re willing to forgo your weapons and armor to just hold her. Then I’m sure I can entrust her into your care for now.” Zakira offered, with the shyest of smiles, it was small, but still precious before she noticed the others were getting back up on their horses. 

“Do you need help to get back up on your horse?” Sulaimon asked. 

“Uh, no, I’m fine, I got it.” She quickly dismissed.

“Yeah, I know you do. Just, let me at least, offer you a leg up. Here, put your foot on my knee, and you’ll get up on your horse easier.” He offered before he knelt next to her stallion, while still keeping Anna on his other shoulder and securely in his other arm. 

“Thank you.” She thanked him as she took his free hand and used his offered knee to jump up onto her stallion and let him lead the stallion with the others as the group went to Zara-Joy’s palace with the others where she had many guest rooms prepared for her guests from home. 

“Joy! You didn’t have to go all out like this.” Zakira said as she appraised the suite of rooms that her friend showed her to and the many gifts all around it. 

“I can, so I did. Plus I mean look, won’t Anna look so pretty in these?” Zara-Joy asked as she showed Zakira the matching mommy and daughter outfits she had gotten Zakira, that progressed include other colors other than black, trying to tempt Zakira out of her prolonged mourning. Slowly, but surely. 

“Yes, they’re very beautiful. I don’t know how I could ever…” Zakira began to say. 

“Do not cheapen my gifts by trying to think of how much they are worth or how much trouble they were to acquire. Please, don’t steal my joy, accept them. And if you can bring yourself to wear even a bangle, I’ll be happy. I know it’s been hard grieving, but you’re here, enjoy it. They have an entire Spice District here in the Crown City in the Market Square, I’m sure you’ll have fun playing around and finding new ways to mix them together to make anything you wanted. My chefs would be eager to watch you work and try to copy down all those secret recipes your ancestors brought over from the old country being the exquisite Mushariefs they always have been. Your kitchen has always had the best food in all of Willow. Find something new and create something or put a twist on the old. Or even honor the old ways if you really want to. In the meantime, I know you’re anxious to get cleaned up from all the dust from the roads, come, this palace has it’s own private bathhouse.” Zara urged her friend before Anna woke up from her nap and looked around. 

“Just in time, come on Anna, lets get you and Mommy and the other women cleaned up ok?” Zara-Joy said before Zakira took her daughter back from Sulaimon. 

“Joy got you some special oils Sweetheart, come on, let’s get cleaned up and we can let Commander…” Zakira began. 

“It’s just Sulaimon or Sully if you really want to be casual, you don’t have to use my rank or anything.” Sulaimon invited.

“Oh, well then it’s just Zakira for me then, excuse us.” She said as she simply grabbed the closest set of bathing robes, scooping up undergarments under them as she did so and put them with the basket of bathhouse supplies. 

“You can use the other side of the bathhouse, and obviously, get your shirt and vest cleaned at least.” Zara-Joy urged Sulaimon as she went with her friend and urged all the women to join her in “the ladies” side of the bathhouse. 

“Why did you choose Sulaimon to escort me around?” Zakira asked her friend once they disrobed and stepped into the ever hot and gently floating water. While the other women were already giddily talking about how much they liked and were attracted to their escorts. 

“Because, when he’s not in “Commander Mode”, he’s surprisingly quiet yet gentle. He comes from a large but very good family. He’s always been single because the military has always been his career and he’s always saved his wages living in the barracks. And once all of his siblings got married and started having kids, suddenly he found himself on more blind dates because everyone always wants to play matchmaker with him. And he is very guarded against that sort of thing. As I know you have been since you lost Zahir. This way, I figured you’d both get the break from the pressure, even if it’s only for a visit.” Zara-Joy casually explained as she tried to hide her scheming smile as she helped wash Anna and wash her hair while Zakira washed Anna’s body and thought that over and did feel a sense of relief to learn that.  

“Has he ever had…” Zakira began to ask but her emotion cut off her voice. 

“No, he’s never been married, but according to Lomi, he did like one girl. But she couldn’t wait for him to even get out of basic training and was already six months pregnant by the time he came back from his training that takes a year. And the worst part was that she cheated on one of the idiots who got kicked out of basic training because it was too hard for him. And apparently had been having an affair with the other one before he even left for basic training. So ever since then, he’s just…thrown himself into his military career and training more cadets and making sure they are well trained, and very well equipped.” Zara-Joy answered.  

“I wish Willow had had something like that.” Zakira muttered resentfully. 

“I know. But now that Willow is an ally of The Ruby Empire, no more will the men of Willow be led to the slaughter and I’m sure Sulaimon would be the first to volunteer to teach such things there, so that Willow will no longer be vulnerable or at the mercy of anyone or anything, other than the weather itself.” Zara-Joy insisted as Zakira nodded but still fought back tears. 

“Not that there’s many men left.” Zara practically hissed.

“The war took too much from us. From you especially. That’s why I chose the best soldier in King Amit’s army as your escort. Because even if he was without weapons altogether. He would and will find a way to keep you and especially Anna safe, even when you’re not inside your home or inside mine.” Joy soothed Zakira as she put conditioning oils into Anna’s hair. 

“Where will he be staying while I’m here?” Zakira asked. 

“In the next room over from you. And there is a private entrance from his quarters into yours so you don’t have to go out into the hallway if you don’t want to. But there’s a lock on all the doors so no one will have access to you or Anna without your permission and consent.” Zara reassured her friend. 

Zakira got redressed in a bathrobe and took Anna back to her room so she could give Anna a proper massage and a chance to nurse again, since she did spit up quite a bit, and hopefully, fill a diaper or two before she would get dressed and then put Anna into her new outfit, because Zakira did not want Anna to make a mess of such a precious little outfit. 

Then there was a knock on the door that Zara-Joy had told Zakira led to Sulaimon’s guest room. 

“Yes Sulaimon?” Zakira asked. 

“Dinner is almost ready. Are you ready or do you need help with Anna or anything?” He asked through the door as he finished getting redressed himself in clean clothes and had washed himself. So that he too would be fresh and clean for dinner. 

“No, I’m…” Zakira began before Anna immediately popped off from nursing and began to babble and call out to Sulaimon and began crawling on the large bed to get towards the door while Zakira huffed and pulled the robe around her tighter once Anna got to the end of the bed and actually slid down from the bed to the chaise lounge at the bottom of the bed and then slid down safely to the floor and was crawling as fast as Zakira had ever seen Anna move before. 

“Ah! Anna!” Zakira tried to lunge to catch her daughter before she slid from the bed and then got up to try to catch her before she fell from the chaise lounge at the end of the bed. 

But Sulaimon, upon hearing Zakira yelp at her daughter broke the door down and open to get to her but only came in to see Anna there, sitting up on her feet on the other side with Zakira trying to reach for her as Anna smiled happily to see Sulaimon again and closed the distance between herself and him and climbed to stand up on his legs while babbling and reaching for him. 

“Oh, I’m, I’m so sorry, I heard…” Sulaimon quickly apologized as he quickly scooped Anna up into his arms only to be met with the sight of Zakira in only a robe that had come a bit loose in her attempts to get her daughter up off the floor. 

“Sorry to worry, you, obviously, she’s…she’s just fine, I just didn’t think she could move that fast.” Zakira tried to excuse as she looked at the way the wood broke in the door itself as the lock was still in the other half of the lock in the wall. 

“Nor did I think you’d be that strong, unless that door is especially flimsy.” Zakira offered as she gestured to it before Zara-Joy and her husband Lomi came in to see the scene. 

“What happened?” Zara-Joy asked as she looked between her friend and Sulaimon as Sulaimon’s ears pinned back sheepishly. 

“I heard Zakira cry out for Anna and thought they were in danger, and I uh, I broke your door. I can uh. I can either pay for its repair or replacement.” Sulaimon offered. 

“Wow, don’t worry about it. You were just doing your job.” Lomi reassured his friend as he appraised the door before he unlocked it and the other half of the locking mechanism fell onto the floor once it was released as Lomi picked it up.

“That’s quite impressive.” Lomi praised. 

“Zakira, if you want to be moved I have another spare room available.” Zara-Joy offered consolingly. 

“No it’s alright. I think if anything, it just proved that you chose a good and protective escort for me. To the point he’d break your house at the thought of Anna being in danger, it’s fine. I was going to unlock it and keep it unlocked anyway.” Zakira offered. 

“Well, we can still get it replaced while we have dinner. But um, we would just need to put away your gifts for when the repairmen come to install the new door, but first you might want to get dressed.” Zara suggested before she helped Zakira get a set of clothes and into the bathroom before she put the gifts she had gotten her into the dressers and other places in the room before Lomi left to seek out a new doorman. 

“Great first impression.” Sulaimon muttered to himself as he simply got Anna dressed in the matching outfit that corresponded to the one that Zakira had grabbed and got Anna dressed at least. 

“I thought it wasn’t half bad.” Zara- Joy shrugged. 

“Why’d you pick me as her escort? Why not Rhyad? He is a composer and you told me that Zakira was too. At least they would have that in common.” Sulaimon asked Zara as she continued to put all the jewelry that she knew Zakira probably overlooked before she pulled out a different necklace that didn’t match the style of any of the jewelry that was common in The Ruby Empire, much less the Crown City. 

“I could have. But even though they both love music, they have very different views about it. Rhyad and his music is all about the big performance, the large, complicated and intricate workings. Zakira believes in the simple but profound and authentic music. That even if all you have, is your own voice, than that is all the instrument you really need to make good music. And using the natural sounds around you to set the pace and the rhythm. But otherwise, when Rhyad is not a composer, he is a pushover. And that’s not what Anna needs. Anna is a stinker through and through. Aren’t you- you cheeky rascal.” Zara-Joy cooed to Anna as she sat on the bed next to where Anna was being laid down so Sulaimon could dress her, after he checked her diaper to make sure it didn’t need changing. 

“You have a great capacity to give Anna the gentle firmness in structure and discipline that she’s been missing so far. Honestly, I think Anna only does most of the naughty things as more of a joke and to get a laugh, which is why she’s the first to laugh, hoping her mother will too, or at least, just to see Zakira smile. Because all Zakira could do once Anna was born, was cry to see so much of Zahir in her. I’m surprised she just didn’t outright name her Zahini instead.” 

Zara-Joy admitted in a low murmur as Zakira eavesdropped while she got ready. 

“Too much like tahini or zucchini.” Sulaimon noted which got Zara-Joy to snicker a laugh while Zakira made a face. 

“Yeah, that’s what Zahir had said before he left too. He liked the name Zeeanna, his little Anna - Banana. But not his little Zee, because there’s always too many little Zee’s in Willow as it is. It’s hard enough that I share my name with three others. You saw Zara-Grace and Zara-Hope already. So little Anna it is. And she does like bananas, ripe ones anyway. Which I thought was great, a way to finish off the Z’s and get back to the other letters of the alphabet.” Zara-Joy admitted with a bittersweet smile to Anna once Sulaimon finished dressing her before Zara-Joy put the distinctly Mizraim piece of jewelry onto Anna, coiling it around her chubby little upper arm as Zakira leaned against the door and fought back tears of the memory of Zahir talking about Anna-Bananna and how Zakira had laughed at how profoundly stupid that would be to name a daughter that as Zakira smiled bittersweetly at the memory and wiped the tears from her eyes before they could fall down her face and tried to regain her composure. 

“There, like proper Khandi.” Zara-Joy cooed to Anna once she finished putting the arm band around her upper arm. 

“Why did Wennet lead your people out of Mizraiem when she did?” Sulaimon asked. 

“Because in Wennet’s temple, it’s a place of peace, understanding and clairvoyance. Wenet could see there was going to be feud between who would be next to be Pharaoh over Mizraiem. And she could tell it would be futile. Princes were already trying to pit the gods themselves against one another in the pantheon. And Wenet didn’t want any part of it. So she led her most loyal of followers out. And led them to Willow. A valley, surrounded by tall mountains that look like just another arid wasteland on the outside. But such mountains held treasures for us. And she wanted to enjoy such treasures in peace, without anyone coming to conquer and take them away. That is why if you ever get to go to Willow, it looks like a piece of Mazraiem plucked right out of the Mizraiem Delta and plopped right into the Willow Valley. Because that’s what Wenet did for us, or at least, according to the ancestors. She at first, only transported her temple to Willow. And then, as more and more of Mazriam was taken up by the sands when the Old Kingdom of Mazraiem fell when there was the war of the Pharaohs, and thankfully she got to save some of the better houses and transport them to Willow for us to live in. Now granted the houses were made for the Mazraiem Delta, we’ve made them our own and to suit the weather and conditions in The Willow Valley. She even had all of the priestesses and priests and loyal followers put all of their most precious possessions into the temple itself so that they could flee Mazraiem with only food and clothing and tents for shelter, saying they needed to go out into the wilderness to go on a pilgrimage, and not be stopped. Which, according the ancestors, worked.” Zara-Joy recounted. 

“And then once they were safely out of Mazraiem, Wennet led them to the Valley of Willow herself, where she had already moved all of their houses and their gardens and even made off with one of the Pharaoh’s seed storehouses and his livestock. So for once, we could have our animals, breed and raise them with love and care, slaughter them as they got old to feed ourselves, but not before. Seeds and saplings and vines, so we could plant and grow our own food. And work for no one but ourselves. No more pyramids to build, no more elaborate burial rituals of the pharaohs and other nobles. And no more slavery, no more sacrifices to feed a never ending need to outdo the previous pharaoh before them. Just a place to worship in peace. To not toil under the sun and harvest food for the noble’s table while we were simply given bread and fish and oil, without having to brave crocodiles or hippos to get the fish in the first place.” Zara-Joy recalled with a fond smile. 

“The reason Zakira has the title of Musharif was because her ancestry came from the pharaoh’s household of servants, Musharif was the title held by the head of the banquet feast, making sure every dish that came out of the kitchens, whether it be served to pharaoh or one of his nobles, or guests, would be met with pleasure. And that has not been forgotten. The foods from Zakira’s house since Willow’s founding, have always been the best in all of Willow. She elevates simple, humble ingredients and elevates them to dishes worthy to be used as food offerings to any and every god worthy of them.” Zara-Joy praised. 

“Oh like your own confections do not deserve the same praise?” Zakira offered as she came out of the bathroom redressed in the outfit Zara-Joy had gotten her as Zara smiled while Sulaimon’s breath was practically pulled from his chest. Because Zakira was even more breathtaking. Which he didn’t think could be possible. But here he was, sitting down on the bed with Anna in his arms and smiling in awe while Anna giggled with glee to see her mom’s bashful smile at Zara-Joy’s praise. 

“Sometimes. It depends on the humidity.” Zara-Joy shrugged. 

“Here, I got you…” Zara said before she reached behind her and got out a special Masraiem style arm band that doubled as a bracelet and offered it to her friend as Zakira took it and smiled fondly at it before she put it over her wrist but refused any other makeup or jewelry. 

“Thank you for indulging me. You look beautiful.” Zara-Joy praised. 

“Agreed, very beautiful.” Sulaimon praised with a proud grin and realized as an afterthought that the teal on his own dress clothes matched hers and that made his heart beam with pride and happiness. Zakira spared Sulaimon an appreciative smile and decided to wear the perfume you had gotten her after all, just a small line down the center of her chest. 

Sulaimon tried to hide his deep breath in when he smelled the perfume but Zakira caught it and grinned to herself before she put a couple of the toys into her bag along with a few extra cloth diapers and things into it. 

“Well, dinner should be ready any time now.” Zara-Joy encouraged. 

“Here, let me get that.” Sulaimon offered as he reached out for Anna’s diaper bag to put on and wear for her, so Zakira didn’t have to carry it herself. Zakira got her own flower necklace on and dupatta before leaving with him, taking his arm as he escorted them back to the dining room. When they arrived all the girls and young women gasped softly and reached over to grab their friends, cousins and sisters as they shared an excited look and bright, excited smiles. 

“You look beautiful!” They all told Zakira as she walked by. 

“Thank you, a gift from Joy.” Zakira answered. 

“Aww!” They all fawned before reaching out to feel the silk of her skirt as she passed them. When she was done passing them they looked to Zara-Joy and gave her an appreciative smile for finally succeeding in getting her to wear a color other than black, even if it was just a skirt, it was still a small victory. 

Zakira and Sulaimon sat down at the very long table, and towards the end that had the other young mothers and widows as Sulaimon’s friends were practically doing the same thing he was, holding the daughters of the women they were escorting while they were in Willow. 

Although he could already see and feel all the romantic chemistry going off like fireworks among everyone else while he felt awkward because Zakira was not giving him any indication of any interest in him, other than platonic friendliness, as he felt more resistance than anything. But while he was attracted to her, he would respect that unconscious choice she had made and not pursue anything. But the conversation that Zakira engaged in was telling. She was proud of her home, and she was proud of her orchards and her vineyards and was very much looking forward to the harvest this year. And Sulaimon realized why she was resistant. She didn’t want to give up her freedom, independence and control up, which he could sympathize and empathize with. Because that’s why he had been resistant in the past, because he didn’t want to give up the lifestyle he had learned to like and appreciate up either. He liked his own freedom, independence and control over his own life, and his own finances and while he liked to come home to his family for the family dinners, and while the invitation was always open to move into the large suite of rooms that doubled as a home within his parent’s much larger home, he had liked his bachelorhood. Not that he would go out and stay out all night like he used to as a young cadet and soldier. But, that the option was always there. He liked having the ability to take on any assignment at the drop of a hat because he had no other obligations than his own work ones without a second thought about anything. 

“You’ve been quiet.” Zakira noticed when she noticed that Sulaimon, other than eating and listening to the conversation, didn’t add too much to it. 

“I’m just listening.” Sulaimon offered. 

“And you’re brooding.” Zakira realized. 

“I don’t mean to be.” Sulaimon replied apologetically. 

“No, you’re thinking, I can practically see and hear the gears in your head turning from here. What do you think?” Zakira asked. 

“About what?” Sulaimon asked. 

“Any of it? All of it? Something in particular that’s catching your attention?” Zakira asked. 

“How similar we are.” Sulaimon answered which got Zakira to blink in surprise as a small smile soon spread on her lips. 

“How so?” She asked. 

“You have a home that’s been in your family for generations since Willow’s founding, taken right from Masraiem. Your family, in that time has built up a lot. And you have a responsibility to all of it. To keep it safe and protected for Zeeanna. In Willow, you have full and complete control of everything. Your home, your fields, your vineyards, your orchards, your gardens. And traditions you feel you need to keep alive that have been passed down. And on top of that, you’re raising Anna all on your own when you thought you’d be sharing all of that with, with Zahir. Now you have to do it all by yourself. You’re a stronger person than most. You’ve strengthened your shoulders for such burdens, all while grieving. Most would have crumbled and been crushed by such things. And while you carry those burdens well, doesn’t mean that they’re not heavy. And it’s very admirable.” Sulaimon praised in a low murmur. 

“So how are we similar in that respect?” Zakira asked. 

“I’m the youngest Commander. I’m up for the position of being a General soon. And if I get it, I’ll be the youngest one to do so. It’s a lot of responsibility. And a burden that very few can comprehend, let alone wrap their heads around. You have a family legacy that you are doing everything you can to keep alive. And I can sympathise with that. Where you have fields, and orchards and vineyards, I have entire troops to care for and attend to myself. And I take that responsibility very seriously. And I’ve traded a “traditional” life for the one I have now. I moved out from my parents home as soon as the army could let me. I moved into the barracks and I never moved out. Granted I’ve moved around in the barracks, but other than my uniform and armor, I have all this freedom and independence to do what I want when I want, well, when I’m not following orders myself that is. And so far, I haven’t wanted to give that up for anything. And I don’t know how much Zara-Joy has told you about me. But because I’m a bachelor, I’m always getting set up on blind dates and all they see is decorated soldier, or they see my family’s legacy that everyone else in the family is keeping alive and building and adding onto, but me, because I wanted to have something of my own. And it came with a lot of responsibilities that I’ve had to strengthen my own shoulders to bear too. But I chose this and I chose my path and my job and my career. You haven’t. You haven’t had a choice in taking it all on and doing so all by yourself. You’re officially the strongest person I know.” Sulaimon offered as Zakira’s eyes got glassy but her smile was so sweet because she finally felt seen and felt sympathized and empathized with. 

“It’s a lonely life isn’t it?” Zakira noted.

“It is. On one hand I see all my siblings married with kids and have families. And I know that marital union can bring a lot of happiness. But it can also come with a lot of strife and a lot of problems and complications and obligations. And all my siblings see me and my singleness, and they see my freedom and independence and they get jealous…” Sulaimon confessed. 

“But they don’t see the responsibility and the burden and the loneliness.” Zakira finished for him. 

“Right. Exactly.” Sulaimon nodded. 

“Zara-Joy told me that you get set up on blind dates a lot. And that it’s always with girls who are privileged. And who are either after the glory of your military career, or your family’s status and wealth and think all they have to do is seduce a soldier and then never have to do much of anything else and that all their problems are over and that your family will take care of them. Which is why none of them have worked out. Because you don’t want a girl looking for an easy way out.” Zakira surmised. 

“Right again. Because the older I get, the more I realize that there are huge differences between a girl, a young woman, and a mature woman. The girls always have their heads filled with fairy tales and are looking for the whole, love at first sight, soul mate, perfect match kind of thing, which is honestly setting themselves up for failure. The young women, they are looking for security and looking to use their own beauty, or wealth or influence to get whatever they want, thinking that if they say the right things, do the right things, dress the right way, look the right way, it will come to them. But it’s the mature ones, who realize that if they want a life they want to live and do so happily, they have to build it themselves or someone else will build it for them and they may not like how it’s built for them by someone else. And if they’re going to share what they’ve built with someone, they want it to be the right person who appreciates them and sees the value in what they’ve built and appreciates the work it took to make it that way.” Sulaimon noted as Zakira was impressed that he was mature and smart enough to put that together. 

“I’ve always heard the saying “what are you bringing to the table”. And when I was younger, I thought I had a lot to bring. The older I get, the more I realize that it’s the table itself that’s the most important part. Is the table well made? Is the table made with good and sturdy materials? Was it built with time, and careful effort and planning and actually hand crafted? Or was it just slapped together at the last minute and wonky and unstable and the moment you put anything on it, it’s all gonna slide right off or fall apart at the first test of how much the table can hold. And so far, I like to think I’ve built a decent table for myself. Granted some of the materials used were from my family and the style is similar. But I’ve had to build it none the less. And then once it was built, I’ve had it stacked and piled high and sometimes, feels overflowing and cluttered, when it’s not bare or being rebuilt to handle more and more weight and loads in the first place.” Sulaimon tried to illustrate. 

“Exactly. And if you’re going to join your table with someone else’s, you want the table to be the same height as your own. And you want it to be just as strong and just as well made and just as sturdy as your own. You want help to keep it decluttered, but you don’t want to shove everything you have onto someone else or have everything on someone else’s table shoved onto yours so theirs is cleared for lavish meals while yours is piled high with work.” Zakira surmised. 

“Yes! Exactly right.” Sulaimon practically laughed and beamed because finally, finally, someone understood it. 

“Well, then you’re right. We are very similar and have a lot in common. I always thought my table, was the family’s table. And then when there was no family. Suddenly, I had to take ownership of it. And then realize what was broken, what was needing work and realizing that it’s just too big of a table to handle by myself, when I always thought I’d only be taking up a chair at the end of it. Not the one at the head of it. And the head chair at the head of a big, long table, that’s had generations of crap put onto it, it’s cluttered and disorganized and overwhelming. But if I’m going to adjoin my table with anyone else’s I’d want help with it. And not simply hand it all over so that anyone else can do whatever they want to it, or break it apart and use it for firewood.” Zakira confessed. 

“Or use it as a cutting board. Or take a hacksaw to it and cut it and resize it how they want it, and not realize it’s built that way for a reason. Not for the looks, but for function.” Sulaimon muttered. 

“Or think that it’s all for show and it’s meant to be embellished with fancy engravings and set up to look like it’s always full with a feast, but all the dishes are empty. And it’s never meant to be used or eaten from, always meant to be ornamental.” Zakira murmured back. 

“Exactly. Because, while those fancy and elaborate tables are pretty. That’s all they are. They have no strength, integrity or function besides being looked at for how pretty it is, but the moment you put any kind of weight on it, it’ll fall apart and break.” Sulaimon nodded in agreement. 

“Or one that will look at the feast you’ve made for yourself on that table and help themselves to it, and pull up a chair without an invitation and without bringing a dish to add. And then once they’ve eaten, won’t even help wash any of the dirty dishes or help clean up after either.” Zakira added. 

“Or worse yet, assume that they should sit at the head of that table that you slaved over, making every dish delicious and think they should eat first and eat their fill and leave nothing for the person, who actually made the food in the first place, when in reality, if you’re hungry, work, get ingredients and learn how to cook it yourself. Because the first thing I teach my soldiers is how to cook for themselves and how to forage for themselves and how to tell what is good and safe water or not, or how to clean the water in the first place. Let alone, how to cook. I see more and more incompetence and that incompetence being weaponized because such work is “beneath them”. Which is frankly, stupid. Because if one is hungry, they have two hands, they can make it themselves. And if they still depend on their mothers for such things, they might as well still be in diapers and sucking on their thumbs and not in my army, let alone my platoons.” Sulaimon professed and Zakira’s jaw was practically on the floor as her smile of delight was like sunshine. Because if she had thought Sulaimon was handsome before, he was practically the sexiest man she had ever laid her eyes on since Zahir for having that attitude alone. And she practically had to stop herself from grabbing him by the whiskers and kissing him right there at the table. 

Oh, when Zara-Joy said, that besides, Lomi, Sulaimon was practically the best man in the Crown City, she was not kidding. 

“What?” Sulaimon asked as he looked at her as she seemed to have something turn alight in her.

“I…wow. I completely agree. I want to meet your mom and thank her for raising one hell of a good son. Because I realize you’re a grown man. But yes! A thousand times yes! You have no idea how infuriating that can be! Everyone in Willow, ever since we settled there has always gone on and on and on about how great the food at our home was and always praised my mother for her cooking skills when it wasn’t that at all. My parents were equals in the household and always did everything together. It wasn’t my mother that was doing all the cooking and cleaning. It was both of them doing those things together, both of my parents were always in the kitchen with everyone else, everyone learned how to cook, everyone, once they were weaned, learned how to keep their room clean and then learned how to help make the rest of the house clean. How to mend clothes, how to cook, how to judge whether something was ripe or not. What to look for in ripe or unripe foods and how to pick your spices and how to blend them and grind them, and usually the more delicious the food, the more preparations went into it and how satisfying it is to do the work and then all come around and share a meal that everyone had a hand in making. And doing so as a team that made their marriage and every marriage before, a success. Because that’s part of why Wennet had us break off from Masaier, because she saw how it was the women that did all the work but the men got all the fruitages of their work and assumed that because they worked outside the home, that that exempted them from doing anything in the home. Wow. Just…wow. I’m astounded that we have that much in common. Good for you for figuring that out, and if going through military training is a requirement, I hope you get to teach every man here and far beyond that lesson. Cause that lesson alone will bring them so much peace and pleasure and satisfaction, not only in their tents but especially when they get home and really see how much labor goes into those things.” Zakira praised. 

“Well I mean if you really want to meet her, I can let them know. I’m sure they’d love to meet you and you could exchange recipes if you wanted.” Sulaimon offered. 

“I would love that.” Zakira smiled happily as she finally seemed to lower the last of her guard and for once, ate to her own satisfaction and enjoyed all the flavors of all the various dishes as Sulaimon walked her through the traditional favorites as they bonded over food, and how to cook said food. And especially how to do laundry. And especially about how to be a self-sufficient adult. 

After dinner, there was a series of games played, the biggest one being ‘cahoots’ that after the second round, Sulaimon was quick to catch on what the key was before Zakira let him whisper what he thought it was into her ear as she nursed Anna on a nearby couch, using her dupatta to maintain some modesty as Sulaimon was happy to sit next to her and help tuck it around her and between them so that Anna could nurse in peace and Zakira could do so with some modesty, which Zakira really appreciated. 

“Yup. You got it.” Zakira smiled happily that he caught on that fast as his whisper sent a delightful shiver down her body. 

“Sorry, whiskers.” Sulaimon apologized when he saw her skin break out in gooseflesh. 

“It’s ok.” Zakira waived off as now she really just enjoyed the sound of his voice as her imagination of how his mouth would feel on her skin while she felt a bit guilty about the thought and fantasy before she hissed a gasp and clenched her jaw before she pulled the cover out to fix her daughter with a look. 

“You bite- you’re done.” Zakira threatened Anna who didn’t seem to like that her view of Sulaimon was obstructed as she looked from her mother to Sulaimon. 

“Anna, no biting Mommy. You bite her, you’re not gonna nurse. Mommy’s body worked hard to make that milk. Don’t bite her.” Sulaimon repeated as he peeked in and locked gazes with her too. 

Anna’s eyes got a bit wide as she then looked from him to her mom with a look of shock. 

“Yeah, you need to listen. We mean it. If you’re hungry, eat. But if you’re gonna bite, you’re not gonna nurse and I’ll just wean you early. I’m not having you bite me on the one of two places you can get milk from.” Zakira leveled before Anna seemed to take a minute to think it over before she picked up nursing.

“Thanks for backing me up.” Zakira thanked him. 

“Of course, always. A mother knows best right?” Sulaimon offered with an easy smile. 

“Yeah, but it’s always great to have back up and support. You have a really nice balance between soft but still firm and authoritative tone to your voice.” Zakira praised. 

“Comes with years of practice and imitating my brothers and brothers in law and my dad.” Sulaimon chuckled softly. 

“Oh, so not something you learned in the army?” Zakira gently teased. 

“No. I learned many things in the army. And I’ve fought my battles. But I’ve also watched my nieces and nephews and it was practically mutiny, because it was just me against at least a dozen of them. I was outmatched and outnumbered and they knew it and took full advantage at first. Thankfully my brothers and brothers in law and my dad have helped me since as well as my sisters and sisters in law. How to be firm, but not harsh. How to be patient but not a pushover. How to be kind but not do them the disservice of spoiling them to the point that they think they’re the masters and thinking they’re in charge and you’re their servant to do their bidding. That doesn’t work. That the parent, or in my case, the adult- and uncle was. I can command a legion of a thousand soldiers, no problem, and lead them head first into battle, no sweat. A dozen kids all at once? It’s a juggling act, only you’re juggling swords that are all out of balance, and on fire and everything is made of paper. A disaster in the making. Just…chaos. No order, all anarchy and mutiny. Well, at first. The more I do it, the better I get at it. Now, it can get a bit hectic, but not as chaotic as it was at first. It was a lesson in humility, I’ll tell you that. I thought I was pretty hot stuff when I made Captain and had my own troop of a hundred soldiers. But that was nothing, those kids brought me to my knees and practically begging for mercy and trying to turn myself into a eunuch just so I wouldn’t have any myself.” Sulaimon readily confessed which got Zakira to laugh. 

“Did you succeed? Did you actually go through with it and chop your own balls off?” Zakira asked in that same teasing tone which got Sulaimon to grin and grow just a bit bashful.  

“No. Tempted. But no. But once I learned how to be the adult in charge and how to wield my authority over those kids without making all of them cry and sob for being too harsh or sharp in tone with them, it got better. And then once I showed them, I was in charge and proved I was in charge and that they could scream and cry all they wanted, I wasn’t going to budge and give them an inch because I knew they could take a mile, and got to talk it out and help them use their words instead of their mouths or claws to express themselves, then it got much better. I’m pretty sure half my battle scars are from them anyway.” Sulaimon revealed. 

“Well at least for Anna’s sake, you’ve learned that much at least.” Zakira offered before Anna drained that breast and began to climb to the other. 

“Ok, ok, hold your horses.” Zakira placated as she put one breast away and readjusted herself to put Anna to the other breast to nurse as Sulaimon tried to help her change her dupatta to keep her modest. 

“Would you mind putting your arm up and around my shoulders?” Zakira asked before he readily lifted his arm simply had her lean into his side before he, oh so gently and slowly let his arm settle around her shoulders before she seemed to relax and use his arm as a head rest as she led her head rest over his well muscled arm as her eyelids got heavier and heavier. 

“Do you need to lay down?” He asked. 

“Nah, just…I get tired every time she nurses.” Zakira admitted. 

“The night is young. Once everyone figures out cahoots, then it’s on to…psh…any number of games. It’s when I’m waiting for Bullshit.” Zakira smiled as her eyes closed serenely. 

“Excuse me?” Sulaimon asked. 

“Oh it’s where you tell two truths and a lie. And everyone else has to figure out which is the line of bullshit, or the lie. It’s really fun, because the more you go, you can’t use the same three things, and then you really have to get creative to use in the game. And some people are easy to read and you can very easily tell which one is the lie.” Zakira offered. 

“But you should ace that game. Humans have very expressive faces. You should catch on pretty quick, cause everyone has their little things that either they do with their faces or tells in what they do or how they hold themselves. Others, you’d swear all of them are the truth and others you’re pretty sure all of them are the lie. It works best when there’s alcohol involved because then the truths and the lies get more outlandish. But then that’s when you really get to the really good stuff too.” Zakira smiled as she relaxed and breathed a breath of relief to finally get the overfull ache from her breasts from milk released. 

“Well, then I’ll give you a secret to use against us rakshasi, kajit and tabaxi and catfolk in general.” 

“Ears and tail thwaps?” Zakira guessed. 

“Well, yeah, there’s subtleties to it. And yes, there’s expressions in both. Body language, posture and fidgeting tell on us just as much.” Sulaimon divulged. 

“So that thwapping that guy is doing with his tail on the floor over there, that’s irritation and frustration?” Zakira guessed as she didn’t even bother opening her eyes, just turned her head and nodded to the sound before settling back in. 

“Yup.” He admitted before Zakira cracked an eye open. 

“Black tiger with white stripes, his tail is rattling like a rattle snake. What’s that?” She asked as she nodded over to him. 

“Oh that’s excitement and happiness.” Sulaimon revealed. 

“And the one with lazy flicking, boredom?” Zakira guessed. 

“That or thinking, usually serious thought.” Sulaimon gently corrected. 

“Ah, so what are you seriously thinking about then?” Zakira asked once she noticed Sulaimon’s tail do the same as it laid next to him and the tip slowly flicked back and forth. 

“What I want to make you for lunch or dinner when we go to my parent’s house whenever I get the message to them.” 

“Mmm. I see.” Zakira nodded as she closed her eyes again. 

“What should I bring?” She asked. 

“Nothing, you’d be the guest.” 

“Yeah, that’s not gonna cut it. I don’t eat at tables where I’m not allowed to add anything to. If your parents open up their home, I should be a gracious guest right? How do I do that?” Zakira asked. 

“Show up.” He admitted. 

“And?” Zakira prodded as Sulaimon took a deep breath in and slowly let it exhale as he had to think about it as the flicking of his tail got a little faster. 

“Honestly, they’d be happy to meet you and have you and show their own hospitality. So, you really don’t need to bring anything but yourself and Anna.” Sulaimon repeated. 

“Fine, spice mix it is, I’ll put strip peppers in it.” Zakira replied with a shrug and a smug grin. 

“Oh no, Zara-Joy already had me try those. Way too spicy for the kids.” Sulaimon quickly shook his head no, while his eyes went wide with fear. 

“There’s more than one kind. Some of them are as sweet as cherry tomatoes, others are the spiciest thing to put in your mouth and would tempt you to strip your clothes off and in your case, shave your fur off. I’d use the mild ones. They have just enough kick to tingle the lips but not burn. But they have really good flavor. Of course, I guess I could just give them some seeds to them too, if the kids eat the spice level that tonights meal was served at, they’ll like it just fine, if anything I think the kids would giggle to feel the tingle.” She mused. 

“Ok, that would be quite good then. They would love that.” Sulaimon had to admit. 

“Figured.” She grinned before Anna finished nursing and was halfway into Suliamon’s chest before Zakira could even get her breast back into her top, but Sulaimon was ready and able to get her with his one free arm. 

“There, better now you got a full belly?” He asked as he let her sit on his arm and use her arms up on his chest before he noticed the milk still around her mouth began to drip down, and without thinking, he licked her mouth clean which got Anna to squeal and wiggle and bounce in delight while Sulaimon tried not to get milk drunk himself because while he was nursed as a baby, he hadn’t gotten any since weaning and Zakira’s was…way too delicious. 

But the act got Zakira to laugh as she finished putting her breast and pulled the dupatta off from being wrapped around her chest and moved the pillow that Anna had laid on to keep her arms from having to hold Anna’s full weight while she drank. 

“Good?” Zakira asked Sulaimon before his ears laid down bashfully. 

“Yeah, it’s milk.” Sulaimon sheepishly offered with a shrug. 

“Mmmhmm.” Zakira hummed as she giggled through her nose. 

“Whose ready for Bullshit?” Zakira asked the group that was still in a circle in the living room. 

“I am!” All of the visitors from Willow began before Zakira got in and sat down on the pillow she had been using for Anna as the group let them into the circle as Sulaimon sent a message home that he would be bringing his protectee, Zakira and her daughter over to the house for a meal. 

“You go first Zakira.” They urged her. 

“Ok, 1. Anna has never pooped and threw up on me at the same time. 2. My house has the pantheon of Marsaier’s gods carved and painted on the walls. 3. There were 177 dunes of sand visible from the north side of the road between Willow and The Crown City.” 

“Three’s bullshit!” Almost all of them answered. 

“Nope. One. Anna was only four months old when she puked and pooped on me in bed at the same time.” Zakira proudly proclaimed as everyone laughed while groaning at the same time at how disgusting that was. 

“Why’d you count the dunes?” Sulaimon asked. 

“Boredom.” Zakira shrugged. 

“Your turn.” Zakira urged Sulaimon. 

“Oh um. 1. I was the youngest captain and youngest commander to be appointed in King Amit’s Army. 2. I have been on over 100 blind dates since I was appointed as a Captain that never resulted in a second date, 3 is… I have 216 weapons, six sets of armor but only 4 sets of the army uniform.” He proposed. 

“Number 2 is bullshit.” Most of them suggested. 

“Nah, I’m calling 3 bullshit, there’s no way you only have four sets of the uniform. But I believe all the other numbers are correct.” Zakira said. 

“That’s true. I only have three sets of the uniform.” Sulaimon admitted. 

“How?!” All the other soldiers asked. 

“Less to wash and dry myself. Otherwise my rank is a pin to pin into the shoulders of the regular uniform.” Sulaimon shrugged. 

“How do you have 216 weapons?!” Most of the people of Willow asked. 

“Yes.” Sulaimon confirmed. 

“Why so many sets of armor?” The others asked. 

“Well, there’s the regular training armor, the testing armor, the official deployment armor, which comes with a spare and then a formal fancy set for official ceremonies and then the last one is worn specifically for coronations.” Sulaimon listed off. 

“Why only three sets of the uniform?” Zakira asked. 

“One being worn, the second is dirty and in soapy water, soaking so the dirt and dust gets out of it before I can finish washing them when I’m done training for the day, the second is already up and drying in the sun, ready to be worn the next day.” Sulaimon smiled proudly.

“Simplicity and complexity, I like it.” Zakira smiled approvingly. 

“Thanks.” He nodded before he got a message back from his parents. 

“What’s that? New marching orders?” Zakira asked. 

“No, I sent a message home about your interest in meeting my mother. They want to have you over for lunch or even dinner tomorrow.” Sulaimon offered. 

“Oh, uh, which is better for them?” Zakira asked. 

“Either or, your choice.” Sulaimon. 

“Lunch is more informal.” Zakira decided. 

“Lunch it is then.” Sulaimon nodded and wrote down her reply and gave it back to the messenger. 

“I’ll need to go to the Spice District tomorrow morning then.” Zakira urged him. 

“We will definitely do that then.” Sulaimon readily agreed. 

After games, they all started to get sleepy and Sulaimon walked Zakira, the moment they tried to part, Anna began to cry like she was being tortured in between trying to nurse to go to bed. 

So once she had nursed her fill but still cried incessantly, Zakira finally caved and called Sulaimon into the room. 

“Sulaimon, Help.” Zakira said tiredly as she was sitting in bed, propped up by pillows and was near tears herself because of how exhausted she was from the rollercoaster of the ride the day was. 

“I got her.” Sulaimon reassured her as he quickly slipped into the room, the only sign he had done so, being the white of his shorts and the way the light reflected off of the back of his iris’ as he fought not to practically get into bed with her and hold her too. So he picked Anna up from Zakira’s arms and pulled her into his own as her cries started to lesson considerably. 

“Sweetheart, it’s time for bed. Come on now. Your Mommy’s had a very long and tiring day. We need to sleep.” He said before he cradled Anna into his own chest as Sulaimon paced the room, making sure to stay in the low lights coming into it from the windows so that Zakira could still watch him if she felt she needed to as he just kept purring, rocking and humming to Anna as Zakira gave him an appreciative smile and rearranged the pillows to simply lay back and tried to get some rest in the bed, even as attractive as the sight of a half naked Sulaimon was in the low moonlight. 

Anna fought sleep and kept an iron grip on his fur on his chest and neck in her fists and refused to let go, even in light sleep. But Sulaimon was undeterred and kept with it, keeping his humming soft and kept his purring loud enough to settle Anna further into sleep as he walked around the room but mostly stayed to the foot of the bed. Once Anna finally slipped into deeper sleep and finally loosened her grip did he pull her hands off of his fur and kissed them sweetly nonetheless before kissing her temple as he changed his hold on her carefully so that she was laying down in his arms rather then on his chest but kept her close to make sure she wouldn’t wake up, she still turned and curled up to his chest, even in sleep and tried to grab at the shorter fur of his chest. But once she slipped back into a deep sleep again, her hold fading again, did he finally stop humming the lullaby’s his mother always sang and hummed to him and his siblings growing up. 

“There. Get some sleep Zakira.” He breathed as he passed her back into Zakira’s hold in the bed. 

“Thank you Sulaimon.” She thanked him as she grabbed his hand and kissed the back of it gratefully as she put Anna snuggly next to her in the bed and curled her whole body around her daughter. 

Sulaimon smiled softly and fondly before he left the room and closed the new door as quietly and softly as he could. 

Then he pulled a blanket and a pillow and pulled the chaise lounge that was at the bottom of his own bed and put it right on the other side of the door, not wanting to be any farther than he had to be from them as he kept an ear out for any noise inside the room. 

Once he was asleep himself Wennet herself, taking the form of a lilac bunny, seemed to slip into the room by shadows. She considered him and was pleased by his efforts to be respectful to Zakira and mindful of her needed space yet protective enough to even guard her door at night and granted him very restful sleep, even as little of it that he would be getting. That even though he would only be sleeping for a handful of hours, that his sleep would be as restful and restorative to him as if he would be getting more than a dozen and granted him very pleasant dreams and hints at his future so he would remained patient, kind, and focused during the day. She also granted the same to Zakira, sensing how much Zakira needed the same while also blessing her with pleasant, enlightening and inspiring dreams as well so that her heart and mood would be lightened and she would be much more conducive to letting go of her pain, sorrow, anger and hurt and actually accept Sulaimon’s attention and affection and love and return it and come back to her former, happier self before she slipped out of the room and went around to the others who had come to The Crown City from Willow. It wasn’t too long before Anna had woken up as well and started to fuss which immediately woke up Sulaimon, his eyes snapping open and he immediately sat up and moved to get up and back into the room but then he heard Zakira’s gentle singing and humming and he couldn’t help but gasp softly at it’s ethereal beauty. Then he paid close attention to hear that she was humming and singing the same lullabies that Sulaimon had sung earlier. But coming from her, they sounded better than they ever could have. His heart melted as he swooned and laid back down, now that Anna had quieted down and let Zakira’s voice lull him back to sleep.

[allthefujoshiunite]

Have you watched Buddy Daddies? If you have do you like it?

Random ask....Do you think anime like Free, Sk8, Jeweler Richard and Yuri on Ice are queerbaiting or at least have semi canon couples? I mean I love those anime series and my fav otps are from those series, but what do you think?

P.s Love your latest meta, it really made my day and when I read them, I also found answers to my internal questions my self...Thanks for sharing them...( I'm not the anon who asked that)...

💐🌷🥰🤩

Hello! Today's great coincidence that made me chuckle into my morning tea was getting asked about my opinion on queerbaiting by two different people, 1-hour apart 🤣 Thanks a lot, both of you! I'll put my two cents down about queerbaiting discourse in anime and I know it's silly to mention but just to be sure, these are all opinions, and my opinions only. 

Before I start rambling about gays, no I haven't seen Buddy Daddies yet. I've been very excited about it ever since I've seen the PV but as you may know, I decided to review every first episode of the Winter 2023 season so I'm pretty much swamped... I'm saving Buddy Daddies to savor it! If you wait a bit, you'll be reading my first impressions of it soon. 

So. Okay. Queerbait. First of all, definitions because for the love of BL gods, people have been throwing words around without knowing what they mean. 

According to this interesting book that's been sitting on my TBR pile, Queerbating and Fandom: Teasing Fans Through Homoerotic Possibilities, the definition of queerbaiting is as follows: 

Queerbaiting describes an industry tactic where “those officially associated with a media text court viewers interested in LGBT narratives... without the text ever definitely confirming the nonheterosexuality of the relevant characters.” For this reason, the term is seen as exploitative, and when fans use it to describe a series, its marketing, or the actions of producers, they are engaging in a “form of queer activism.”

There are other terms coined by the scholars such as "covert courting" (i.e. targeting gay consumers using subtle elements not intended to be picked up by heterosexual audiences) etc. but in my opinion, these terms are built upon the presupposition that there is a queer audience to bait into consuming your media. And I'm not sure whether there's a group of audience that is acknowledged as queer in the minds of producers and/or creators in Japan. 

What they want to tap into according to yours truly, however, is FujoMoney. No, it's not a new currency, although now I kind of wish it was. There's an interesting video on it that delves deeper into the topic but in short, they are after the buying and creating potential of shippers. Creating fan content is, in itself, a grey area legally but it's overlooked because the franchise profits from it immensely. A similar practice, if you're or have been into K-pop at some point, is the fansites. Normally, they shouldn't be allowed to make merchandise off of the artists and gain profit from it. However, they attend concerts out of their own pockets, take these photographs using their own cameras, and contribute greatly to the group or the individual artist's popularity. Tl;dr: it's free real estate for the companies. 

So I guess the term we're looking for is fujobait, rather than queerbait. What the higher-ups want to attract are shippers who are buyers and/or fancreators. Look at any sports anime and you'll see. There have been multiple times when I got into a series because I've seen a shippy fanart or a video edit of a character. And to be honest, if I was more fortunate economically, they'd be making that kind of monetary profit through merch off of me as well. xD

While queerbait and fujobait might seem like they mean the same thing, they eventually are not because the former capitalizes on real-life stigmatized identity while the latter relies on a consumer's practice of queering the content at hand. I'm personally not as interested in putting the label of "right" or "wrong" on these terms, so I'll leave it at this for now. 

Moving on to the series you mentioned, they can't all be put into the same box, but can be divided into two groups where Free and Sk8 rely more on fanservice and the intricacies of the relationships are left to the shippers' imaginations while Jeweler Richard and Yuuri!!! on ICE are entirely different. Especially, Yuuri!!! on ICE because there's no room left for discussion or different readings that Yuuri and Victor are a couple. They literally get married, and the only reason some people still to this day question whether they are canon or not is because of eurocentrism/racism. I come across reels of real-life women taking a ring out and putting it on the ring finger of another woman with people cheering in the background and no one is asking to see their marriage registration in the comments. On the contrary, they congratulate them! The exact same scene is there in animated form, so why do we even question its validity? 

In the case of Jeweler Richard, sadly light novels aren't my thing. I have only seen the anime and have read the first volume of the manga. However, I've read an extensive blog post on the light novels comparing them to the anime adaptation. From the blog post, their relationship is evident even though to an anime-only it might come off as implied. I personally didn't think it was implied even in the anime, but if anyone else did, we have our answers in the source material. 

All of this then begs the question: does having things spelled out on screen matter? If yes, to what extent it matters? I mentioned in the previous meta post that the consumers of Asian media are already lucky when it comes to the existence and variety of such content. I'm personally someone who's in favor of having media to consume at hand instead of waiting for the Perfect Representation. I don't even want representation, because what is representation anyway for a non-monolithic community with a deep, rich history? I want portrayal, and while having things openly said is cathartic and something I want to have, I won't discredit the works I enjoy and find meaning in just for the sake of it. Especially content that come from countries with heavy censorship or a high possibility of GP backlash.

Plus, while I'm not in any Chinese BL or BL-adjacent work fandoms, I watched dramas here or there and have a lot of mutuals who are actively in the fandoms of certain series, so through osmosis, I learn a couple of things as well. I've seen people talking about the cultural significance of certain choices in these works that someone who's not well-versed in the codes of the Chinese culture won't be able to pick up, i.e. characters wearing red can be an insinuation on marriage because red is a color worn in weddings. Or there's no way I would pick up that Chinese BL dramas are dubbed over just so they can pass censorship. Would it be better if China were to be supportive of LGBTQA+? 100%. Should people there push for the content they'd like to see or portrayals that they see themselves in? Without a doubt. Should it mean that they should get nothing until they get exactly what they want? A hard no. There must be still works that portray such relationships even if they are implied because I see this attempt as getting a foot in the door. 

To sum everything up: what I want is to enjoy what I read/watch and share it with others while trying to keep a critical eye on as much as I can. My background is in STEM and I'm not formally educated in humanities anyway. What I try to do is to read and discuss questions I have in mind, and writing helps me order and expand my thoughts. I find value in trying to keep an open mind instead of gatekeeping and micro-analyzing every little thing, or at least, I try not to let them take the fun out of it. To quote the great Maggie Nelson's The Argonauts:

I am not interested in hermeneutics, or erotics, or metaphorics, of my anus. I am interested in ass-fucking.

Easily one of the best books I've read in 2022. Pure brilliance.

[starsarefire824]

oh my god the new chapter was SO. GOOD!!!! SO GOOD!!! the tension was so insane! it was like the breaking point of everything!!

while reading i picked up on a few lines and details that had me absolutely losing it. like the (…) “it’s not fair for you to just confuse me like this.” (…) “I confuse you?” He scoffs. “That’s rich, Will. You’re the most confusing person I’ve ever met.” IMMEDIATELY i was reminded of that scene with mike and max back in lover’s lake when they were arguing and mike was trying to apologize. plus the, “Max spots El with Will, rubbing his back and their heads bent close together as they wander off in the opposite direction. Max wants to go with her, but she can’t move.

She looks to Mike and follows him.”

oh my gosh op!! the symbolism of mike and max always choosing each other even in the faces of their supposed lovers is driving me crazy. like there’s a string that constantly pulls them to each other, like you can literally feel it tugging at max standing there, you can feel it tugging at mike with will. it’s so good. you do such an excellent job at making these characters so complex and dimensional that it’s hard to hate them or stay mad because you can feel what they’re feeling and you empathize with all of them. seriously if i was mike i would feel so torn apart.

theres also something so cathartic about watching mike and will fight openly about their relationship in front of all their friends. like usually in fics i get so used to seeing them have to hide hide hide and keep everything a secret from the others, leaving them confused and having to piece things together. but the unabashed screaming and raw display of emotions is so surprising.

anyways i’m sorry for the long ask!! i just really loved this chapter. hope you’re taking care of yourself :)

hey, thank you so much for this!!! 🥺🥺

i'm so glad you liked the new chapter!!! It was A LOT! haha. It's awesome you felt the tension, and I have to agree with you! It is kind of refreshing, even to write! to have Will and Mike have a very open and kind of volatile fight. Their emotions were so raw here, and it was different and fun to write. Usually there is a lot of secret, and for good reason I guess, and sure there is something fun about that too! but because of the dynamics of the party in this fic, it's kinda neat when everything is out in the open between them, so really, all of the individual members can be themselves in front of each other.

And you're right!!! I think there are a lot of parallels between max/mike and will/mike in this and Will is a person, like Max, that isn't afraid to call Mike on his bullshit. Lucas does it too, especially if it's hurting El or Will, but as far as regarding themselves, and the way Mike treats them because he's scared of facing himself, Mike and Max are similar in that way.

I'm actually planning a Max/Will chapter for one of the final chapters because I think seeing those two interact without Mike around would be super intriguing!!

YES! I love that there is this unsaid loyalty or like, the way their tied to each other, that is pulling Max and Mike in towards each other, even when maybe they don't want it, or especially, in times of distress. They seek each other out. In this fic, there is something deep and pulling that they are slowly coming around to putting a name to. And even in that, their connection is so different from what Max has with El and Lucas. And what Mike has with Mike. It's different, but not any less important. And it's complicated and i love writing all that kind of shit.

I'm glad you find the characters interesting and still like them even when they're making bad decisions! I love delving into the "why" people are the way they are, and so it's been fun to imagine up this "what if" scenario and explore some new dynamics in the party that I haven't before!

Anyway, thanks for the ask! <33333 means a lot to me that you're enjoying it!

[balladofthewhitehorse]

🫂👗😻!

Thank you so much for the ask <3 I love answering these, cos good lord is it easier to explore characters through little emoji asks rather than entire fics (I do love writing though, I prommy <3 I am just a chronic procrastinator)

🫂 A friendship headcanon

England’s a bit of a friendless sod. Odd way to start off a friendship headcanon, I know. Nevertheless, I think it’s important to understand that England is a pretty lonely figure; He tends to frequent quiet, lonely corners of that same pub he always goes to - either that, or England puts up walls that nobody with anything short of terrifying determination can scale. It’s easy to then presume that England has never made, nor ever has been friends with his people; He can defend them with life and limb, but he cannot - as if God cursed him to fumble small-talk - integrate himself in conversation with them. These are all first-level assumptions that one would make if they ever had the (mis)fortune to cross paths with England, and of course…not entirely true. When he was younger, a long time ago - in the hazy mess of the Tudor era, England was rather close with a local innkeeper and even went so far as to love him deeply. It is, in-fact, the innkeeper’s pub that he still frequents long after the fellow passed away and England is deeply sentimental about it. There is a rumour that their friendship would’ve been something a little more, but England was a young man back then and inexperienced - so the innkeep politely turned him down and they remained close friends since. Growing up since then, England has befriended humans less and less. It feels almost pointless to him at any rate to seek out their companionship, when their lifespans are so much shorter than his. I think, while England spends a lot of time surrounded by humans, it is very rare that he truly makes friends with any of them. In terms of other beings like him, he’s friends with Denmark (a strange one, built on teasing with a pang of competition, but also a sense of kinship; Were they not one once?), with Norway and Netherlands - although he tends to be far warmer with Norway and some individuals could easily be led to think that England and Netherlands were a bickering couple, the way they like to pick apart at one another’s ideas and challenge each other. Japan is another friend too, so England’s really not as friendless as first appearances might suggest - just a bit awkward. 

👗 A headcanon about their clothes England likes to pretend that he’s not so picky about what he’s wearing compared to others (France especially being the target of England’s ire, the old man often snarkily stating that he’s little more than a frilly peacock; Nevermind that England can be quite the frilly peacock himself from time to time). However, I think although he has some very expensive and fashionable items, England’s favourite clothes tend to veer much more on the sentimental side. Sweaters that he has patched, embroidered and mended over the years; Others by Wales’ gentle hand, a sister’s affection and patience that begrudgingly remains over the long, tormentous centuries that he has cast upon her, and England’s clothes (while by-large moody colours, navy and brown and black and grey) are often made a little brighter by the odd patches and embroidery here and there.

😺 An animal related headcanon (Couldn’t see one with love-heart eyes on the original ask, so I assume this is what you were referring to!) England had a colourpoint cat that he plucked from the streets one day; It was a random chance and he wasn’t actually looking to keep the animal as a companion, but nevertheless it happened. The poor thing was hungry and flea-ridden, and England for whatever reason was feeling especially sorry for it; From that day on, that cat was spoilt silly - given the name, for whatever reason, of Hilda and was deeply clingy to England until it passed away of old age. I am hoping to write a fic about Eng and Hilda someday so :)

[liquidstar]

Out of curiosity, what would you say Emilia’s main character flaws are? As in, her vices and failures of character.

i feel like her biggest and most obvious one is her self-sacrificing nature. it's one of the first things we learn about her, she always puts others before herself to her own deteriorate. stopping to help strangers when her entire future as the potential leader of the country is on the line and trying to justify it to herself. subaru himself says that anyone who lives like that will end up wasting their life. and as an extension of this shes also really bad at asking for help, in frozen bonds it takes her almost dying to finally call out puck's name which was largely her arc, but she only really learned to depend on one person (well, spirit) and still doesnt take well to being helped. during her big fight with subaru one of her biggest gripes was that he got hurt for her sake, but she NEVER asked him to do that. the thing is subaru was being an asshole and she had every right to be mad at him, but she had NO reason to blame herself for anything either.

and this also all ties back to her insecurity, her lack of faith in herself. like i said she bonds with puck after frozen bonds, but after he disappears in arc 4 she doesn't know what to do with herself. she needed that support and ends up learning on subaru for it in a way thats detrimental to her (almost going in the opposite direction). despite the fact that she WANTS to shoulder everything by herself... she cant. shes not that strong willed, no one is. the shit shes gone through is too much and she basically has to have one person to be her rock. but thats part of what arc 4 is for her anyway, learning to stand by herself but also accept love from others.

she doesnt trust her own abilities much but combined with that she also seems to have a fear of being useless- of being weak and unable to handle it all. she HAS to handle it all to prove herself as a worthy human being, since her existence itself is usually treated as a sin. she has to prove she's good. look at her! shes doing good! shes taking the trial! shes helping people! please dont think shes bad! please dont think shes a witch! shes just a normal girl! shes useful! she can do it! until she cant. if she buckles under the pressure she would run and hide or latch heavily onto One Person (fortuna, puck, subaru, whatever. someone. anyone.) theres a limit to how much a person can take.

she also tends to assume the worst in herself. she wants to prove that shes good and all but shes also kind of her worst critic. she picks apart her own motivation (to thaw the ice of elior forest and unfreeze all the elves) and she sees that as SELFISH. despite everything i said about how self sacrificing she is she sees herself as a selfish person! because in her eyes /wanting/ something is bad. having your own motivations is bad and selfish. as if the other royal selection candidates dont all have personal agendas (anastasia wants money. priscilla wants power. felt wants chaos. crusch wants order.)

and all this combined, she also greatly struggles to accept the love of other people. she doesnt realize how much puck loves her until the end of frozen bonds, until then she literally though he would just leave her some day. she straight up does not understand why subaru loves her so much and finds it confusing and jarring, at least at first. she cant love herself so she doesnt understand why others do. eventually she does learn to accept love though, and a little detail ive always liked is that when subaru tells her "i love you" she doesnt say it back but she does say "thank you" because it still gets through and still means something, and she can take her time if she ever wants to say it back. when emilia "breaks" and starts depending on him heavily the fact that she says it back is DISTURBING to him because it makes him realize how far she was pushed.

basically emilia is a deeply traumatized individual who has no faith in herself, so she tries to make up for it by carrying as much as she can on her own. when that fails she needs someone to learn on heavily and can grow dependent on them. but she has a hard time accepting that people love her because she cant love herself.