#thank you all btw <3 anyway — that is enough to motivate me a lot to draw more yknow BUT ALSO

[hyakunana]

Let's just say I got hit by them once again 🐮🦝

[strawbqq]

―⟡𝙗𝙞𝙜 𝙤𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙤𝙣?

[Warnings: none.ᐟ.ᐟ pure floofy fluff✰] [Word count: 343 || 𝓮𝓷𝓳𝓸𝔂.ᐟ]🍓

°ᡣ𐭩ft. chuuya, akutagawa, jouno

sfw. hcs

ℂ𝕙𝕦𝕦𝕪𝕒

is almost always a big spoon? protective and wants to keep u safe always <3

enjoys being a little spoon too, he's honestly very flexible about it

whichever position u feel like on the day yall are spooning. the one doing the holding? the one being held? he's great at both btw

might not always admit it, but if he trusts someone enough, he'll be more than happy to be held.ᐟ.ᐟ

if he's having a bad day, he might insist to be the big spoon

always very gentle when spooning, he likes it quite a lot

in the end the priority would always be his partner's happiness and comfort

anyway he's so sweet i love him <3

𝔸𝕜𝕦𝕥𝕒𝕘𝕒𝕨𝕒

oh man

it's going to take a long, long time for him to even feel comfortable enough to bring it up lmao

has a lot of inner turmoil and a bit of a prickly exterior, but actually is insecure in so many ways

99% little spoon tbh

it'll be awhile for him to loosen up, but once he do, he's going to find comfort in being held and getting reassurance for once

prolly has never been held before ever 💔

he'll be much softer with u, but yeah it's going to take some patience and trust from him to be vulnerable

won't ever admit it but he feels so safe in your arms ✰

𝕁𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕠

big spoon hands down and no, i will not elaborate

jk. being the little spoon just feels so wrong to him

u like being the big spoon? sorry he's not going to budge in these matters

likes being in full control at all times

it's actually so nice to be held by this man like

he smells really clean all the time. please don't ask me why it's three in the morning

gets cold easily, 50% of the time he likes spooning just to use u as a personal heater lmao-

i hc that after spooning with u, he can't fall asleep without holding something T^T

a/n: wow it's great to be back. it's three a.m and i've suddenly had this weird motivation to write. thank you all for reading my insane and cringey rant>>

𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓴 𝔂𝓸𝓾.ᐟ ʚ🍓ɞ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢs + ʟɪᴋᴇs ʜɪɢʜʟʏ ᴀᴘᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴀᴛᴇᴅ

o(≧▽≦)o

[jeleynai]

Hii hope you're doing good! Wanted to ask some things if you don't mind, if you do issok!! Just avoid this and sorry 😅

But does your art style have a name and do you have any tips on learning this type of art style? Been trying but it's been really hard and idk where or what to start on. Thank you! Love your art btw it's so breathtaking <3

I got this question ages ago and totally forgot about it until now, I'm so sorry >.> I never mind questions though!! I love nerding out about art c:

I don't think my style has a specific name? Maybe like a semi-realism type thing? (If anyone has a better way to describe it please let me know haha)

As for learning I'd recommend learning from life for this type of thing! I did a ton of photo studies (and still do).

What helped me a lot when I was starting out was doing timed environment studies. Weird I know with how many characters I draw but hear me out: When you're on a time limit (I usually set 30 minutes) you have to be a lot more intentional with the marks you're putting down so you end up waffling around a lot less over time. This also helps really hammer home how to use all your tools properly and forces you to think about your brush economy.

Here are some 30-minute environments from 2020 (I should.. do some more again, I haven't timed my plein air in a while oops)

(showing old ass art always feels a bit scary haha I'm getting old)

They're really rough but they helped me try to nail down colours and learn how to best use my brushes! I actually made a brush specifically for that image on the right before I got started on it because I knew I was going to be drawing layered stone and I wanted to prepare myself for the half-hour mad dash these things always end up being. (I named him Francis)

For more character specific things - I actually did the 100 heads challenge a few years ago and it helped TONS with getting more confident in my lines and putting down features. I'm still not a line artist or a great sketcher by an means but it helped me feel a lot more loose and relaxed when I start things!

PAINTING wise I also learned from photos and I drew from life! A good reference is honestly 90% of the battle, just make sure when you're studying or working off a reference that you're identifying what makes the image appealing and capture that as best as you can. For me that's usually the light or the mood of a reference since I'm personally drawn to those things the most. Film studies can help you LOADS with this too! Cinematographers are the composition goats.

And the main thing is try to keep having fun! Motivation and drive are SO important and something I definitely still struggle with. I started drawing originally because I wanted to draw my D&D characters and then I wanted to get better so I could draw them better. Having small goals and passions does wonders for progress! Try not to aim TOO high either, I know from experience that 'waiting until I'm good enough' for an idea can end up with just.. nothing being drawn because I don't ever feel good enough for my own ideas, if that makes sense? Just remember you can always draw it again down the line!

Art takes a loooong time to learn so be patient with yourself!

ANYWAYS super long answer I'm so sorry if anyone is still reading: hiiiiii <3

[toburnup]

Just wanting to pick your brain( bc I'm kind of like this too) what is it about Steve? He's the common denominator in all the ships you write (Which you do so beautifully btw) like steddie, stommy, and now stonathan (!!!!!). And you've also said it's easier for you to write in Steve's POV than Eddie's. Is there a particular reason? Do you relate to him in canon or your writing?

You are such a genius, I could listen to you talk about your writing all day.

I cannot wait for whatevers coming down the pike: the wip stonathan fic, the iylo update (see what I did there?) . Everything you put out into the world is a gift anyway so <3

!! thank you! hah, why steve? i'm not sure! i was a steve hater for a long time. still am, in a lot of ways.

in canon, i like steve best as a side character. his character motivations shift so drastically between seasons that i find the more screentime he gets, the less sense he makes lmao (probably why i disliked the scoops storyline, tho i love s3 robin).

and honestly, i think i like writing steve as much as i do because i want to read him a certain way, and it's not a version i see enough (for my taste). i really like steve as someone with grey moral values, a bit selfish, rude as a default. not necessarily stupid but he doesn't care if he's wrong. competitive to a ridiculous degree. distracted by trying to figure out who he is but also caring too much about what other people think to really find an answer.

i relate to him (the way i write him) in a few ways, but it's hard for me to pinpoint the exact reasons why tbh. some people who know me well can read my writing and see when i'm projecting onto him.

the big thing for me is i like writing him falling for different people. i love his friendship with tommy and carol, and all the potential romantic overlap. him and eddie are fun (and i love eddie, but steddie isn't my ~OTP~ or anything). jonathan is a PAIN to write but i'm liking it so far. and i know some people will give me grief for it, but i'm also writing a metalsandwich fic (so steve, billy, and eddie) which has been super fun.

i find the s2 confrontation between billy & steve at the byers house to be one of steve's best scenes ("were you dropped too much as a child, or what?... she's not here") - lying to billy's face feels like a fucking wild choice and i love it. steve with anger simmering beneath the surface. finally learning to plant his feet. still gets beaten to a pulp <3

he's an idiot boy and i love him.

did this answer the question? maybe! i can also talk about steve forever, so i love getting messages like this :) :) thank you for reading my works.

[fayesdiary]

oh you found a really good FE ask list, but since it would be a bit crazy to ask for every question let's go with...13, 24, 25, 31, and 37

Thanks Lore, made it myself😂

13) What do you like most about Fire Emblem?

Oh, that's... suprisingly hard to say because Fire Emblem's one of those series who's more than the sum of its parts.

But then again, I think I'd say the fandom. Or at least the niche circle I found here on Tumblr.

I found a lot of new friends here and really helped me open up at least in this space online wish i'd work irl too, but most of all... this series really opened my creativity in a way that no other piece of media ever did. Something about it feels... really approachable from a transformative standpoint.

Thanks to it I opened this blog, which led me to make lots of new friends (love you Lore btw <3), made some essays and thought pieces and most of all, I wrote fanfiction and art! Two things I always thought I was too talentless to make! And no matter what, Ill always be grateful to this franchise for me, despite how much the mainstream fandom sucks ass. Fuck 'em anyway, ignored them ever since before 3H release.

Speaking of this franchise inspiring creatvity, I always admired from afar the lovely folks at Feuniverse. The amount of hacks and fangames is astounding and I can't believe how many people made straight up fully fledged games from hacks! Maybe one day I will join her if I ever feel motivated enough. Maybe. I want to play more hacks at the very least, especially because FEE3 is one of my favorite fan events.

24) An FE title you wish would be remade?

Geneaology would be the obvious answer and don't get me wrong, I absolutely do want to see it remade and believe it inevitably will one day...

But if I have to be honest I want a rerelease of the Tellius games first because they're the hardest to play even through... illegitimate means if you're say, like me and only have an old laptop to emulate them with. Whether they'd be remakes or simple remasters, I don't really care as long as they play as they should.

25) Any general or specific headcanons you have?

Dragons have a lifespan of 100 times that of the humans.

It's never stated how much longer dragons live compared to humans, but given that Tiki is 1000 years old as a child and 3000 as an adult, i find the 100x multiplier fits really well and helps keep track of dragons' age more clearly, even if Fòdlan and Elyos dragons do seem to live longer than even that.

So by that logic in dragon years, Tiki is 10 in Shadow Dragon and in her thirties in Awakening, Nowi is 12 and Myrrh is 14.

Doesn't completely fit, but it sure helps visualize things more clearly.

31) Some moments of Fire Emblem you keep thinking of?

Speaking of the new things, um, the Twisted Joke, Engage ch11 and 17, most of the Engage endgame really. And Slayde bravely taking on a bunch of children in the Echoes prologue traumatizing the shit out of them and still getting his ass kicked (by Mycen, but still)

37) What's a weird theory or headcanon you have?

Rhea copes with her daily life through recreational drug use given that quest where she gives weed herbs to distressed students

[lovebvni]

Hi! This is Ani again. Just wanted to let you know that your reading was literally SO accurate. Istg you’re living my life

I’m gonna admit, I was expecting something much more negative. I usually expect negative things, which isn’t good, but that make the good things all the more exciting. This whole thing was also kind of new since this was my first intuition reading. My previous ask was also my first ask ever on tumblr so I was kind of nervous as well. It felt like I was writing an email lolol

But I’m so happy that I did do it because, you were right, I did kinda feel like I’ve been grazing rock bottom. I had this weird mixed feeling of being close to the void but also never getting in and holding both those feelings kind of drained me, on top of being burned out from school. This is the first time in a while where I’ve been truly excited for something.

Something that I recommend people do is something I did earlier this month, where I basically manifested seeing angel numbers and using their meanings as guidance on my void journey. I kept getting a lot of 444’s and 777’s which apparently both are related to seeking guidance from angels or something. I didn’t really know how to do that so I assumed that maybe I had to reach out to someone on tumblr, but even then I didn’t know who to ask. I didn’t even know what I should be asking. But this was really helpful and honestly, is making me so excited for my REAL new life instead of a daydream.

Also another thing is, I am a shifter! Or I’m planning to be one, anyway. The life I’m going to shift to from this one will be similar to my current one but better. But all my other realities after that, are pretty much going to be a totally different life with different people, like you said.

Also, can we talk about how in literally the beginning of the post I was called out in so many ways, like “Repressed emotions + feeling left out” 😭✋ Chill out man I can’t afford therapy rn ok?? Lolll all jokes aside though you are right, and I don’t really talk about what I’m feeling. I do think I am also very disconnected from people. I have a wide variety of interests so I can be part of multiple friend groups at the same time, which is why I feel so lonely, because I am never in one deeply enough to find true connections. I have a feeling I know who my new group of people are though!

Over all though, I am so excited to enter void. I have always known that I will, but it was just up to me to decide when. I’ve been putting in extra effort and I’m glad to see it’s paying off. And most of all, I’m excited to shift and be whatever I want to be! I don’t think anyone would be really, truly free until they experienced shifting, but then again, this is coming from someone who has never consciously shifted before (but I’m sure that’s still true).

Anyways, sorry this was so long, I think I kind of just went on a tangent with this one haha 😅 But fr tho, I can’t thank you enough for this, this has really helped me and re-inspired me a lot. I think everyone should give your intuition readings a try because it’s never bad to ask for help and advice, regardless of where you are in your void journey. This is also a great source of positivity for people who may feel stuck in their journey.

(Btw, I love how you complimented everyone in your response to the reading asks, it’s literally so sweet 🥹)

Thank you again for the reading! ♥️

OMG AAHHHH IM SO HAPPY WAIT

i literally read this whole thing during my lunch period and it made me so happy n smily (my friends probs think i have a new bf or something but no 😭😭 it’s this insane!!)

during my time in this earth, both before and after I shift i strive to be a guide. i want to help others reach their goals and get better in this life. every time i feel as if i help others, it brings new light and energy to my spirit. <3

im so glad i have you some hope and motivation, and i REALLY hope u get the help u need sometime!! i know financial issues r a real hinderance w mental health n to genuinely drives me insane 💀💀💀

i love u sm!!! i’m glad it helped!!

[sungbeam]

beam i love you and it breaks my HEART to see you this way :( i think ever since ive returned, ive always seen you as the top writer for tbz cause you're carrying the fandom with everything you've written, you're literally the admin of the only tbz network that truly matters tbh, and you're SO FUCKING TALENTED :( idk if this means anything from me since i know we aren't as close and i understand the pain of losing your friends :( my moots are my ride or dies and to lose almost all of them breaks my heart because on tumblr, with such a small fanbase and minimal interactions, my friends are the ones that truly carry me and motivate me to continue :(

tumblr makes it genuinely so sick and difficult to stay on this platform but you're one of the few, very very few, gems on this platform, especially for deobiblr and i mean this with all my heart

vae im so sorry it took me so long to get back to u, it's been kind of a lot lately and I def planned on answering this earlier in the week </3 i also have to say that im really quite awful at receiving comfort, but it makes me really touched to see this response from u after that post. i always feel so guilty after posting things like that bc I don't want people to worry so much, but thank u for all of ur reassurances and validations, u truly r just such a gem :((

and pls, i hope u don't feel like any of this is in any way ur fault 😭 im not exactly the greatest at reaching out to my mutuals either, and ur prob one of the few people here who makes a point of reaching out and bringing the community together 🫂 like you've brought so much life back to this place since you've come back, so thank u for that :')))

the feeling is def mutual btw like i would love to get to know u better and become closer friends !!! it would make me all the happier tbh <33 and a sunghcyuk collab would be so fun actually 😭😭 i was actually talking abt a potential collab for when i get to 3k but im still sitting on abt a dozen ideas/factors to consider skfnkdnfkfn

the fact that i motivated u to come back 😭 im so touched vae, like thank u for coming back and not giving up on this community no matter how shitty blr is :') we're very very happy to have u back. and again, thank u for all of ur sweet words. it's hard to put things into perspective sometimes, and i fear i have a habit of isolating myself but also craving validation, so im a walking paradox 😭 anyways, that's enough abt that skfndknf

i love u very much 💖

[artificialqueens]

Survey Results: Why Do You Write Fanfiction?

Hi Everyone! Remember taking this survey? 🙈

Since we’re no longer accepting responses, here’s a reminder of the main question/answers, just to refresh your memory:

Sorry it’s taken so long for me to post the results. I have no excuse except that I’ve taken a long time to put them into a spreadsheet and make the graphs look presentable. Anyway, here we go, after the cut!!! Btw the data/sources are all linked, at the bottom. XOXO

*

General: We had 222 responses to the survey, which is awesome! Thanks so much to everyone who took the time to fill it out. Your participation is greatly appreciated. 🥰 Also! I’m pretty good at math, but I’m not always the best with like…proofreading and stuff, so please let me know if I’ve made errors in any of the formulas. 

Question 1: Here’s a bar graph that shows the breakdown of the first (main) question (I simplified the answers in the graph but tried to keep the meaning from intact from the way they were originally phrased):

(Sources: Appendix A, Appendix B, both linked at the bottom)

And then here’s another graph that shows the answers as a percent of the total responses, since people could obviously check more than one box. So you can see that there were actually quite a few answers that the respondents checked about half the time or more: 

(Sources: Appendix A, Appendix B)

Interestingly, only one response came back with just 1 box checked, and less than 10 came back with 2 checked. On average, about 5-6 boxes were checked per response. 

(Sources: Appendix A, Appendix B)

Also, 39 respondents filled in an answer for “other,” which I’ve tried to combine into categories. This is obviously a very subjective exercise: which answers to combine, which ones relate to the categories on the main survey, which ones are genuinely unique enough to stay in the “other” category as opposed to joining in with another. 

Ultimately, I thought that those 39 responses broke down into 50 separate answers, because some of them represented either multiple answers (separated by commas) and/or a complex answer that represented multiple categories. (For example, 3 of the categories were “For Fun, Writing Practice, and Community/Friendship” and one of the answers hit all three of those, saying, “fun, practice, and making sure my friends YELL AT ME because I have inflicted Emotions on them.”

Here’s a pie chart showing how those 50 answers looked when divided into categories: 

(Source: Appendix B)

Additionally, here are screenshots of all the individual 39 answers. Some of them are very entertaining, so I think they’re worth reading: 

***

Question 2:

This was more about people’s motivations by having a finished product (a completed fic), or whether they just liked the process of writing (whether that’s coming up with prompts, headcanons, scenarios, brainstorming, planning, or the writing/creative process itself). The answers were very divided:

(Source: Appendix A, Chart from Google forms directly) 

***

Question 3:

This was really just to see how many people responding were people who were regular posters on our blog here (@artificialqueens) and how many were writers from other fandoms. It was an optional question, and 65 of the respondents (or 29% of the total), chose not to answer. Out of the 157 responses we did get, only 30* (or 14% of the total responses) indicated that they write or have written for the Drag Race fandom in some way. (*29 directly, 1 indirectly.) The rest of the responses, 127 in all, or 57% of the total surveys filled out, indicated that they write for fandom(s) other than Drag Race. 

The most common “other” answers seemed to be Supernatural, Marvel, and Transformers — I say “seemed to be” because a lot of people used acronyms that I wasn’t familiar with, or just said the name of a ship. (If people would like a more detailed breakdown of this question, then I’ll probably need help parsing the lingo.) Or, if you’re curious, you can actually check out the raw data below by clicking on the link to Appendix A. 

Again, thank you so much to everyone who filled out this survey! It was especially cool to see that it spread to far beyond our little blog! To those of you who signal boosted and shared with friends, etc, thank you! I hope you also share the results. Please don’t hesitate to comment, send asks, or let me know if something is amiss or you have more questions. XOXO, V

Appendices: 

Appendix A: Data from the Survey itself. 

Appendix B: Data I put into my own spreadsheets, since I found the google survey data a bit difficult to manage.

[princess-of-inarizaki]

Heyheyhey!! Can i request manager birthday and the team forget about it for seijoh, inarizaki, and shiratorizawa bcs tomorrow ma birthday hahah. Thank youuu and i love you

Anon-chan!! This is SUCH an important birthday request and I am beyond honoured to write it for you :D 💖💖💖💖✨

Our birthdays are so close too👉👈 mine's next week. (Exactly ten days apart from yours!!)

Anyways, happy birthday Anon-chan!!I hope you have a beautiful day, filled with lots of happy things, and a wonderful year ahead. you're wonderful, and I hope you always remember that !! 💖💖💖✨ I love you so very much <3

The teams forgetting their manager's birthday

Characters: Seijoh, Shiratorizawa, and Inarizaki

Warnings: none

Oh btw!! since the type of manager is not specified, I'll go with my default fem manager :D she's cute and sweet (like you, Anon-chan 😺😆💖) and the boys adore her a ton. She's also very capable, smart, and confident, and she loves being physical with the boys, which constantly flusters them!

Seijoh

The Seijoh boys would be so busy practicing for an upcoming match, they kinda forget everything that's happening around them.

Lots of focus. You smile fondly, because that's what makes them such a good team. Their ability to focus on their goals and eliminate all distractions.

Until one day, Yahaba is just scrolling through his phone's calendar when he sees “Manager Chan's birthday, 19th November.”

And he's just so shocked and guilty. He immediately calls the rest of the team and tells them what he just realized.

The team feels so guilty and disappointed in themselves. They're a day late to wish you, and they desperately want to make it up to you.

You're their precious manager after all, the one who bandages their injuries with a smile and who always gives them the motivation to do better.

How could they possibly forget such a precious human being's birthday?

That same day, they create a group chat excluding you, and begin to plan something special for you.

They break themselves up into teams with specific tasks of getting things ready for an impromptu birthday party for you.

Iwa-chan is in charge of ensuring everything runs smoothly, and he makes sure to do it with zeal, hoping to make it the best birthday ever for you, eventhough it's a bit late.

The next day, you walk into the gym, and it's absolutely quiet and dark. The boys aren't there yet, which is pretty odd, considering practice should've started a few minutes ago.

You stand in front of the gym and dial Oikawa's number, because he's always quick to respond to your calls, but the number goes straight to voicemail. You're confused, and a little curious as to where they are.

Suddenly, you feel someone's hands covering your eyes, and Oikawa's voice saying “y/n-chan, don't be scared. We have a surprise for you.”

You laugh, realisation washing over you that the boys probably planned something because they forgot it was your birthday yesterday, and follow Oikawa as he guides you inside.

When he finally uncovers your eyes, you see the boys holding a huge, slightly odd looking cake, lit with candles.

Oikawa hugs you from behind and you pull him closer to you, snuggling in his embrace.

You then blow out your candles and make a silent wish. I wish to always be by their side

Iwa-chan is already hitting Oikawa for hugging you before the rest, so you hug Iwa too, then Matsukawa, Hanamaki, Yahaba, Kunimi, and even Kyotani, albeit him being slightly rigid.

“thanks guys, this is an amazing surprise!” you say softly, as your eyes tear up. It's obvious that they made the cake themselves, and eventhough it wasn't perfect, your boys, made it for you.

Your heart squeezed as you cut slices for everyone, and handed it to them, as they sat on the bleachers to enjoy it.

You sit next to Yahaba and leaned on his shoulder. “Thanks for remembering” you said softly.

He blushed. “how did you know?” you explained that Kunimi told you, and he smiled at you and ruffled your hair.

“We're sorry for not remembering sooner, Y/n-san. Thanks for being the best manager ever” said Iwaizumi. He seemed to be nonchalant about it, but his eyes and smile betrayed him. He was fond of you, and genuinely glad that you enjoyed the small celebration they had prepared.

You smiled and kissed his cheek as acknowledgement, which caused him to blush and Oikawa to throw a small tantrum.

You laughed as you looked at them bantering with each other, Hanamaki and Matsukawa teasing Kyotani, and Yahaba and Kunimi next to you. You really did love these boys.

Shiratorizawa

So I'm pretty sure it's exam week, and these boys are just so studious and hardworking, they're totally immersing themselves in their studies and books.

Until it's their calculus exam and Tendou just suddenly remembers “Oh my God, it was Y/N's birthday two days ago!!” as his pencil flies across the room, much to the sensei's disapproval (haha, miracle boy is so cute)

He pulls the other third years aside after the exam, like Ushijima, and Semi, and tells them what he just remembers.

Ushijima is just stoic, but internally he's like "how could I forget? I never forget important dates like these? Is something wrong with me?" And Semi's just so sad he wants to scoop you in his arms right away.

Tendou then proposes the idea of taking you somewhere after school to surprise you, and they agree, and run off to tell the rest of the team.

Goshiki is just close to tears he hates that he forgot his favourite senpai's birthday, especially when you remembered his (and the entire team's) and never failed to make it a special day for them.

So after school ends, you're getting ready to go back home, when Semi just scoops you into his arms and carries you to the rest of the team.

You're not all that shocked, since Semi does this pretty often, and so you let him. “where are we going?” you ask, and he just casually answers “to celebrate the end of exams”

You laugh silently. They're definitely planning more than that, but you decide to humour them, and smile at the team when Semi lets you down gently.

“let's go have udon” says Shirabu with a too-big smile. You and the team walk to an udon shop near the school, and enter quietly.

Goshiki sits next you, and he looks like he wants to say something, but can't, as he bites his lip. Ushijima sits in front of you, and rest of the team take their places and begin ordering.

You notice Tendou talking to the shop owner intently, with Shirabu next to him. Ushijima knows that you might suspect something, so he tries getting your attention by asking you about your exams.

Suddenly, Tendou brings a cake to the table and team begins singing happy birthday for you. You smile happily and wait for them to finish before making a wish and blowing off the candles.

You smile happily at the team and their hearts grow warm, seeing you so happy like that.

“We're sorry for not remembering sooner, y/n-senpai” says Goshiki in a sad voice. Your heart tugs at seeing him so sad, so you ruffle his hair and assure him that exams are tough on everyone, and that it was better to celebrate it after they ended anyways.

You and the team eat the cake after having udon, and talk about the week together. They start reminiscing about memories with you, as they talk about their first impressions, and cute memories with a soft smile on their faces.

Tendou retells the story of how you first came to the team and how much you've grown ever since then.

At some point, Semi sits in your place whilst you've gone to the ladies room, and pulls you to his lap when you come back.

The team laughs when they see you desperately refusing, worried that you'll be too heavy, whilst Semi reassures you that you won't.

Goshiki adoringly smiles at you, and Semi pulls you closer to him. Tendou feeds you small pieces of strawberry left from the cake, as Shirabu records everything, excitedly typing in a caption on his social media.

Meanwhile, Ushijima is just carefully adding in a small reminder in his phone calendar, so he'll never forget your birthday in the future ever again.

Inarizaki

My sweet little fox babies! I think they would be excitedly counting down for your birthday, you're their precious manager-chan after all (and I can't bring myself to say they forgot 😅😭) when Atsumu suddenly sees a friend of yours post a "happy birthday y/n!!" on their Instagram story.

Atsumu immediately jumps on his brother's bed and wakes him up, whilst texting your friend. “Isn't y/n's birthday five days from now?”

Your friend replies. “no haha, it's today!” which cause the twins to desperately call Aran, Suna, Ginjima, and of course, captain Kita!

The boys are hurriedly awoken a few minutes after midnight, and absolutely frazzled! They had all planned something special, but now they would have to change the date, and some things (like the cake and venue) weren't ready so soon.

Osamu groggily got out of bed and began taking out eggs, butter, flour, and other baking ingredients. Eventhough it was extremely late, and he had a tiring day, nothing could compare to his love for you. And so, he started mixing the ingredients at one a.m.

Kita tried to remain calm, but internally freaks out. He and Suna are trying to brainstorm ideas of places they could take you to make your day enjoyable.

Atsumu was busy wrapping the gifts they had all got. He got way too many papercuts and had a bit of trouble, but it was for you, and the thought alone of you smiling was enough to motivate him.

Aran and Ginjima made their own preparations in their own homes for the next day, and Aran even facetimed Osamu to keep him company throughout the baking process.

They were determined to make your birthday a happy one, and genuinely wanted to let you know they loved and cared for you so much.

The next day, six terribly sleep deprived boys arrived at school, with the needed arrangements set. The cake was safely secured with Osamu, and Suna took the bag of gifts from Atsumu.

Kita went to go find you, and he saw you waiting by the entrance of school. “Y/n-san, let's go.” said Kita with a mysterious smile.

You were a bit confused. School was the other way and he was dragging you away from it, but you trusted Kita and followed him.

He led you to the rest of the team, and gently places his hand on your back. “Let's go, y/n-san. We're going to the beach.”

You were super confused. “but school?”. Suna gives you a sleepy smile. “Kita and me have already handled that. We told your teachers you'd be absent today, now c'mon.”

Atsumu gently holds your small hand in his and you guys walks to the subway. As you dig for your subway card in your pocket, the boys get seated. There's one less seat, so Atsumu pulls you to his lap, much to the rest of the team's disapproval.

They're all so jealous, Atsumu laughs silently, and pulls an oblivious you closer. Osamu just rolls his eyes, but internally seethes.

Two stops later, the team motions to exit, and Aran shyly comes closer to you, taking your hand this time. You smile at him and make your way to the small beach you sometimes spend time in, with the rest of the team.

Kita finds an empty picnic table and everyone sits down, placing the items they had brought with them down, and looking at you expectantly.

“Happy Birthday, y/n-chan.” they chorused together. Suna ruffled your hair from the right side of you, and Osamu begins lighting up the candles on your left.

You gratefully thank them for going to the trouble of bringing you here, the fresh beach air and breeze immediately putting you in a cheerier mood.

They then start singing you a happy birthday as you blush silently and blow the candles out, making a wish. I wish to be able to love these boys forever.

You lean over and kiss Osamu's cheek. He blushes red immediately. “Thank you for going to the trouble of baking this, Samu'” if only you knew, he thought silently, as flashbacks of him almost falling asleep in front of the oven came to mind.

Kita cuts the cake and gives you the biggest slice, much to your happiness. The boys all eat their cake and joke around about all the memories they've made with you.

“I can remember when y/n-chan just came. She was so small and sweet, Osamu said she reminded him of a macaroon” said Aran.

Kita fondly smiles as he gives you a pack off green tea from his grandmother.

Ginjima gives you the gifts the entire team had picked and you begin tearing up, much to everyone's dismay. You're just so grateful to have them.

Suddenly Atsumu leans over and swipes frosting from the cake on your face. The mood is once again lifted, as Suna takes a ton of pictures, and contributes to the frosting on your face too.

“hey that's enough now” says Kita. He looks firm, but his eyes betray him. The slight sparkle shows that he thinks it adorably hilarious how the boys are annoying you.

The water seems to be calling you, so you pull Suna to the shore and lean down to the water.

The rest of the day is just filled with the boys and you doing random things by the beach, like eating popsicles, and finding seashells. You're unable to actually get into the water, due to your school uniforms, but seeing an excited you gush over the seashells and smile happily over ice cream is enough for the boys.

At the end of the day, you and the team watch the sunset together, and swear to work extra hard for the upcoming nationals.

As they see you looking up at the sunset adoringly, their hearts squeeze in their chest, so grateful to be a part of your life.

Taglist: @osamusriceballs @k-sakusa-old

[heathersgameoftag]

SURPRIIIIISE SHAWTY it was a double whammy. i remade the first ever TAG drawing i made. as you can see over the past three years (fuck) a lot has changed since my first concept. Veronica's bigender, Duke wears red, and oh worm..... new Mac design dropped???? 😳

anyway long paragraphs below

i'm around 40 followers away from 2000 followers on this blog (i've been kinda stuck around 1950 followers for a while now, it keeps going up and down lmao) so i guess this is a little thank you from me for sticking around for this long to read a silly AU that i've become so fixated on. even when the day comes that i no longer am interested in this AU (which will be a long time from now dw) i'll still have a very special place for it in my heart. i wouldn't be planning to rewrite it as its own novel if it wasn't so important to me.

i know lately my blog has calmed down a LOT from its initial launch in 2018. i've also had some personal stuff happen relating to it that has sucked a bit of enjoyment out of it (nothing to do with any of y'all!!! it's a very personal thing). but even though things have calmed and i struggle to answer asks as well as i used to (sorry for all the unanswered asks, it's nothing personal i promise) i still check my notifs for this blog daily and i always love seeing comments and reactions to my fics and drawings. it really means the world to me and it's the main thing keeping me going with this AU.

i do want to apologise if it feels like i've been a lot more quieter or distant from this blog though. idk if anyone has noticed anything but i definitely feel like i haven't been doing enough to keep y'alls enjoyment lately. i even get worried that my fics aren't interesting anymore since we're past the 'useless gay pining' stage and are onto the 'useless gays making a weird relationship work' stage, and i feel like it's not what most people want to see. idk if that's true, but it's what it feels like. but i also know that a lot of it is probably in my head. i still get comments and love and kudos from y'all and that should be and is enough for me, and i'll always be super appreciative of that.

i would like to maybe bring a bit more life to this blog again. if you ever wonder why i may not reply to asks, its because i'm just unsure how to answer. i get very few asks relating to TAG these days, which is fine, don't get me wrong, but it's difficult for me to give a good answer to something that could easily be its own headcanon post or otherwise. this isn't me complaining btw, i'm saying if you're one of the people sending me hcs, especially on anon, i'm recommending you put yourself out there on your own blogs !!!! i know it's nerve-wracking but i always see good stuff in there. i don't want it stuck on my blog where you won't get any credit, you deserve recognition :]

anyway, like i said, i want to bring more life to this blog again. i'm much more likely to answer asks relating to my au. it brings me a lot of dopamine and motivates me to actually get around to it. so if anyone wants to go ahead and do that, then i'd be happy to do it <3

again, a huge thank you to everyone who has been reading or has read TAG, even if you've lost interest in it, the fact that it caught your eye for some time means the world to me. i appreciate all of y'all sm <3

[magireco]

Would love to hear more thoughts on how these girls have understandable teenage motivations (A+ tag analysis by the way)

1. Thank you!!!!!!

2. ALRIGHT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (shuffles my papers). i’ve gone off about homura’s motivations in depth before but i think it was only in dms/groupchats? anyways i’ll go in order with All the girls bc i think about this all the time as a teenager who grew up mentally ill and had their perceptions skewed because of it, and also i don’t think it’s talked about nearly enough for the others, at least on my blog... so, buckle up!!! this is REALLY LONG!!!! 

3. i tried writing like, an individual thing for every member of the quintet all together in this one ask, but i ended up talking a little too much about homura and now i’m going to split up all the different analysis stuff for each character into the reblogs and work on it every so often! you’re free to kinda skim of course because i really did write a whole novel but here we go!! read under the cut. :3 this is literally essay length btw. i did NOT expect it to get this long but if you want to read it all i’d recommend it but i don’t expect most people to

First: Homura Akemi

okay so i’m going to kind of summarize everything but from the perspective of empathizing with her so if you don’t want to reread a whole recap you can skip to the ending few paragraphs

Summary

first of all, in episode 10, homura’s past is explained for the viewer. she was a shy, unsure girl who had been bedridden for a long time. she was clearly unsocialized, not to mention she went to a catholic school and those can be brutal, esp in japan... that’s all we know about her in that episode, but it’s revealed in one of the drama cds that she was bullied as a child(& further at mitakihara middle), her parents never were mentioned ever (i assume them to either be dead or neglectful, considering she lives alone and unchecked), and in magia record, homura says to natsuki that she’s never had friends before, she hasn’t been on vacation before until the beachside bonds event, hasn’t ever celebrated valentine’s day, has never celebrated new years, etc... 

clearly, she’s missed out on a lot not only because of her sickness and hospitalization, but because of her isolation as a child at school. judging by her demeanor and the way she reacts when madoka comes up to her without being asked to, something like that had never happened to her before. it’s clear to me that madoka was many of homura’s “first’s”, her first friend, the first person who reached out to her, the first person to compliment her name honestly(validating her, disproving her dislike of her name), the first person to regard her so kindly rather than judging her based off of her appearance and demeanor (like other students had apparently done, this is also shown when the other students at mitakihara middle make fun of her for being tired after only being able to run one lap). AND, madoka (and mami, but homura knew madoka better at that time) saved her life, even though homura was so willing to die, just in that moment... i’d assume it made homura feel like someone believed in her even when she was at her worst. it’s really clear by the glimmer in her eyes that these are nice people that made her feel happy and welcome... and then walpurgisnacht came. she didn’t know much about magical girls and just believed in madoka and mami to be able to defeat the witch because she saw them as strong and saw the witch as defeatable, despite its size. and then mami died, right in front of her and madoka... 

this kinda seems headcanon-y when i phrase it this way but it’s practically proven in her actions but i really think homura is scared to be abandoned, especially by someone who was as overtly kind and nonjudgemental to her as madoka... it’s in the way she cries her name and says��“don’t go” before madoka runs away to fight walpurgisnacht. OH ALSO, i need to address this one thing really quick because people like to assume that homura didn’t care about mami from the beginning and only liked madoka. it’s not that she wasn’t sad when mami died, she was clearly terrified and didn’t want the same to happen to madoka, also mami LITERALLY WASN’T IN HER CLASS OR HER GRADE so i assume she spent most of her time with madoka considering they were in the same grade and class and probably shared most of their periods with each other... but also, once again, mami is older than both of them and homura probably saw her as more of a mentor/teacher that she needed to impress rather than madoka who was more on her level, i guess?

anyways, moving on... homura had to see madoka die (& experience the crushing guilt she felt for “letting madoka go” even though there was nothing she could’ve done) and literally says “i’d rather you had lived than saved someone like me” ... her self worth is below zero. she makes her wish to be strong enough to protect madoka(because she sees madoka, her first friend, who saved her life which she felt had no worth, as so strong and noble) which causes her to go back in time, etc. etc., you know the deal. okay before i move on to talk a little more abt the timelines and the personality change i’m going to address why it’s reasonable that she’d be attached to madoka.

i mentioned before that homura said herself that she had never had a friend before. just like, put yourself into her shoes for a second. this girl has no idea how to make friends; it was never taught to her. it’s literally rational that she’d get attached to her first ever friendship. it’s not “normal” the way she views madoka, but how could it be? this is her first time having a friend, she’s afraid of being abandoned by her, but she’s had to see her die over and over again anyway. she doesn’t want to lose madoka. even if she doesn’t go about it in the right way, there’s no way she would’ve actually known how to Do relationships. no one taught her. i think that needs to be empathized with more...

i kinda feel like i need to summarize all this just bc if i word it right it kinda reminds you & puts into perspective just how terrible and scary all of this was.

anyway Again, i would skip straight to the end of timeline 3 (where a New Flavor of trauma is given to homura) but i need to first address timeline 2 for a second. it was homura’s first time repeating the timeline, she trained with madoka and mami again, she was still hopeful despite what happened, etc. kinda just bonding further with madoka Again... and then it’s at the end of this timeline that she watches madoka turn into a witch, just in front of her very eyes... and realizes the true fate of magical girls. when she resets the timeline again, it’s up to her to start anew and break the truth to the group when she sees them again. when she tries telling the truth, sayaka immediately shoves this aside, claiming homura was just trying to split everyone up. it’s clear that that hurts homura. (also the little shinies in her eyes were wavering which is anime-code for sad) her feelings were immediately disregarded by sayaka and she couldn’t defend herself, but madoka did for her, and mami tried to diffuse the situation. 

after they all find out homura was right when sayaka turns into a witch, mami kills kyoko and ties up homura in her ribbons and aims a gun at her, and this, rightfully, ignited a fear within homura... madoka is forced to kill mami in order to save homura, leaving only the two of them to fight together. then, when walpurgisnacht comes that time, The Promise is made... madoka tells homura to go back in time and save her from becoming a witch (because she doesn’t want to curse the world that way, she still sees beauty in it) and homura agrees, saying she’ll never stop until she saves madoka, and then... homura has to mercy kill madoka before she becomes a witch. she cries loudly and shoots madoka’s soul gem... it’s literally so heartwrenching and (usually) brings the viewer to tears, or puts something into perspective for them...

then we assume the personality change happens in the timeline right after. this personality change causes a lot of discourse because sometimes it’s seen as kind of irrational, but personally, i think even moemura had at least SOME resent for the world around her considering what she’d been through. it’s madoka’s repeated deaths that finally push her over that edge. i could get further into the coolmura arc but that’d take a WHILE, so i’ll just kind of explain something briefly though -- why homura ended up becoming even MORE focused on madoka. and i’m also going to debunk the claim that homura doesn’t care about her other friends as fast as i can before moving on.

also, ONE LAST side tangent, for those that think homura really did do a 360 degree personality turn are wrong. it’s shown explicitly in homulilly’s labyrinth that there’s this... “core” homura, a shadowy purple silhouette with braids. every time the series depicts homura’s internal self, it’s always glasses+braids, symbolizing her “child” self, who she truly is. she never stopped being that person. she doesn’t want to kill. ...but i can get into that in a rebellion analysis later! this is also shown in wraith arc bc the person inside her soul gem has glasses+braids. anyway let’s get to the next part i’m going to rant about

Homura’s Love for Madoka, but Otherwise Apathy

homura has seen many different, yet all similar, versions of her friends. the first claim i’m going to talk about which i saw brought up quite a few times before is in regards to homura and mami. first of all, homura absolutely still cares for mami, and not just in the “i only care about your life if it affects madoka’s” way. one part that always gets me is when mami ties her up in the series timeline after homura frantically warns her that this witch isn’t normal, to which mami IMMEDIATELY brushes this off, without even giving homura a chance. then, when mami’s ribbons fade away, homura looks horrified and just goes “oh no...” and it’s kind of obvious to me that it was in response to mami’s death rather than madoka’s reaction. this is arguably up for debate i guess because i’ve seen different takes on that reaction and it’s ambiguous, i guess? but i’m about to get into something extremely similar and that’s the sayaka situation, where madoka throws sayaka’s soul gem onto a moving car. homura gasps and immediately pauses time and disappears, running in literal open traffic and climbing on top of a moving car to retrieve sayaka’s soul gem. one could argue that this is ALSO only just because homura wants to save madoka (and kyoko) the fear, but don’t you think her expression would be different? if homura truly didn’t care for sayaka’s wellbeing, wouldn’t she be making an expression more similar to like, “oh, this shit again...” instead of the frantic one she was making in the scene? this kind of thing Also happens when kyoko asks homura to leave while kyoko’s about to sacrifice herself in oktavia’s labyrinth, and homura looks up sadly at kyoko and then back down at madoka, and once she knew kyoko was dead, she just quietly said “kyoko...” to herself. she usually refers to them as [last name, first name], but she dropped that during that moment... it otherwise sounds like a bare minimum thing to do, but keep in mind the timeline we’re shown in the series is implied to be like, the 110th timeline, i think? like, this is the last timeline, she’s worn down, but she still does have empathy -- or at least sympathy -- for the others. she still loves them. 

homura promised to be madoka’s protector, she dedicated her life to her, and also she doesn’t have a choice not to dedicate her life to her anymore, even though that’s not fair to her... homura is in a really hopeless situation and madoka is her hope, and madoka is the one that judges her the least out of the quintet (like saying “i’m sure homura is good” to herself) upon first impression. also okay i mentioned this already in my last post (which you saw) but i’m going to bring it up one more time, homura is not mentally 26!!!!!! she is still 14 mentally!! in order to be 26, you have to have experienced 26 years of new life experience. maybe you acquire that through school, maybe you aquire that through friends, whatever it takes. but homura just repeated the same month over and over, and it’s not like her body (canonically) ages ever. she just kind of gets transported back into her body in the hospital again considering she’s back wearing her braids and pajamas... so, yeah. no mental development there. i also mentioned this here but i’m gonna say it again, that just makes it even harder for her to actually age correctly... it stunts her to 14. imagine being 14 for 10-11 years...

In Defense Of My Own Claims

btw before you think i’m just going full-on radical homura apologist, i’m not explaining all of this to be like “homura made ALL THE RIGHT DECISIONS because her trauma gave her an excuse!!” because like, Obviously, she did a lot of bad things, she killed people, did a lot of callous things, a lot of thoughtless things, a lot of things that make her seem emotionless, etc. but i just have trouble blaming her considering how things ended up, and it’s not like she enjoys killing people. she’s not sadistic... she ends up becoming short with all the others not only because of her (extremely) weakened trust in them, but also because the amount of times she repeated the timeline. i’d imagine it makes her feel like the others can’t truly die because she can just go back and see them again. (this is also why wraith arc/post-tv series must’ve been hard for her because she can no longer turn back time, things are permanent now, deaths are forever) she’s become so worn down that she’ll do anything to escape the loops... also considering she has no choice but to continue? although it shouldn’t be, it’s technically her job as a magical girl to defeat all witches and walpurgisnacht counts. it kills magical girls and tears up the whole city and she’s usually the only magical girl left... her choices, when defeated, are either to give up and die or to go back and try again, and she made a promise to her first ever friend to do just the latter... i just don’t understand how this isn’t easier for people to comprehend, that all of this trauma and stress and responsibility on top of an already traumatized 14 year old does not mix well. ever. she had to figure out all of this by herself.

TL;DR:

homura was a previously traumatized, unsocialized 14 year old with (very)low self esteem & self worth whose first friend (and first love, really, let’s be honest) died in front of her in horrific ways and she watched as she (and the other friends she came to make) drifted slowly apart from her in her endless and futile attempt in saving her from what proved to be an inescapable fate. also she’s 14 and also she’s (canonically) mentally ill and a lesbian. not a monster, not evil, not “psycho”. and that’s that!

[honey-tea-and-cookies]

Hii! How are you? 😼 this is for the ask game! Firstly, congratulations on 500+ followers 💛 thanks for doing this game!

My big six are: gemini sun, libra moon, gemini Mercury, cancer Venus, libra Mars and cancer rising!

My ideal date: going to the movies + grabbing dinner afterwards

Random fact about me: I can speak 3 languages natively/fluently 🐥

Thank you!! Have a great day ahead ✨

Hi! I'm good thank you. Thank you so much :)

Btw I hope you don't mind me saying, fuck me that's a lot of air placements??? (that was an exclamation of shock, not a request dw)

I think you are most compatible with:

Sun: Aquarius

Moon: Cancer

Rising: Capricorn

Mercury: Aquarius

Venus: Taurus

Mars: Gemini

Why? I chose Aquarius Sun/Mercury because I love the way Gemini and Aquarius compliment each other intellectually. Also, it's the only air sign that was left out :(. No but seriously, I think Aquarius would be on the same level as you, or challenge you to be better. Aquarius would help you grow. I chose Cancer Moon because it brings depth to the stereotypically 'distant' Aquarius. It also would make your Cancer placements feel seen and loved. they would understand you very well. I chose Capricorn rising because Capricorn is in your 7th house and Cancer would be in their 7th house. You two would naturally be attracted to each other, and the possibility of a future together would be quite apparent to you both. Also, you desperately needed some earth in here, so I decided this would be a good place to add it. It would make this person look collected and cool, which I think would intrigue the serious side of your Gemini placements too. I chose Taurus Venus because they would worship all your Libra placements, but also be soft and calm enough for your Cancer Venus. They would make you feel so loved and cherished. Take you out on pretty dates, look after you as much as they can, all that. Probably couldn't recommend a better placement for you. I chose Gemini Mars because I think they would greatly impress your Gemini Sun/Mercury. You would lowkey find it sexy, and they'd be one of the only people able to match your motivational energy anyway.

Thank you so much for participating in my game! I hope you enjoyed. Let me know how accurate I was lol. Sending you lots of love <3

[sokkagatekeeper]

assign the atla gang to hp houses go (i'm so curious)

thank you a lot for this question, it was completely unprompted also i do not know what prompted this is so weird hahahhaha anyways here we go

aang: hufflepuff - proof: loyal to his beliefs and his people, diplomatic, hardworking (u don't become a decent avatar in less than a year with no hard work babey). i don't think this is much of a hot take honestlie

i hate talking abt hp in 2021 but. here's another post btw this one had the real deal on it. also i am not here to argue with anyone ok this is like the worst thing ever to debate about so take this as a grain of salt <3 okay thaaanks

katara: gryffindor - proof: textual definition of gryff ok. the mark of the brave, strong sense of justice, recklessness and courage and often little to no common sense at all, cool girl and jock. anyone calling her a ravenclaw is literally??? wrong??????

zuko: hufflepuff - proof: never give up without a fight aka the most hardworking character like that is a core aspect of zuko's character ok, finds things impossible to find, aspect of his redemption of returning back to his old/core self which is essentially aang (obvs a reductive joak but its meant.... 2 parallel aang.... textually). odd one out in his slytherin bloodline </3

sokka: ravenclaw - proof: the mark of the wise, piandao's entire speech abt creativity versality etc etc, literally the smartest most intelligent character in atla, nerd 4 life, common sense!! glad we as a fandom r coming to an agreement with this one

toph: ravenclaw - proof: I KNOWW THIS SEEMS STRANGE TO ALL OF U TOPH HATERS JUST HEAR ME OUT creativity off the charts, very witty and clever and original, craves mental stimulation, also has common sense yay!!!! on par with sokka which is Thee ravenclaw of atla, wisdom beyond her age

suki: gryffindor - proof: chivalry, bravery, courage, cool girl and jock, self-sacrifice. that's it i think that's her entire character

azula: slytherin - proof: her entire personality. ok yeah yeah elaboration very clever and cunning whatever but most of all her motivation is self-preservation (also in a fraternal sense with ozai temporarily zuko mai and ty lee and all that) not nice enough to be a hufflepuff but she also speaks a lot in “our” “we” “us”. also #girlboss

mai: gryffindor/hufflepuff - proof: huff bc conflict avoidant, actually one of the nicest ppl around, #friends go first and all that. gryff bc she craves adrenaline & even tho her risks are mostly calculated they are still... risky. i find it funny that ppl think she's a slytherin when she has like no ambition other than to go as off the fucking rails as she can. her facade is once again working i guess

ty lee: slytherin - proof: core aspects of her character are actually lies manipulation and main traits r cunning and self preservation. main motivation is survival. she also looks really good while doing all of this. anybody putting this girlie in hufflepuff is dead wrong hufflepuffs do not read dostoyevsky!!! ty lee does!!!!!

[sunseteyes]

goodbye

i have been thinking about this for over a month and i have finally decided to leave this blog. please click see more to read more:)

the days were good and fun until it lasted. i shared lots of smiles, and laughs but i think this is the time to finally stop and let go. 

i don’t know if this will be permanent or just for the time being, but i admit i have been very discouraged to post here again. i don’t want to make anyone guilty, not at all. i just have been not in a right place and i have tried to go back and try to refresh my good feelings here in this blog, but something just seemed different and heavy, i could not stand it. that is the reason why i only post fics and rarely post or send an ask for my regular checkups. i’m really sorry, but i knew all of this from the start of the year when the tarot cards told me i will finally let go of something that i didn’t want to let go—the first thing i thought about was this blog. i love this blog, i love everyone, but i should love myself more. i don’t feel like myself whenever i post here anymore, sure i have been before and i also post fics recently, but that’s because i love writing—it’s my only sense of self left. i think i’m becoming unfair the more i post fics and never interact, i’m really sorry. i kept wanting interaction but i guess it’s my fault at the same time. 

to everyone i have met here, thank you. you guys have been very welcoming and kind i am so glad to meet you. 

i might be deleting my discord app as well so if you want to kick me out on the server,,, i won’t be mad hahah. 

in short, I am going to turn my back to the things that remind me of this blog. yes, i will still write at the sidelines, but i’m just-it hurts me to be on this blog anymore. i’m… sorry if it ended up this way… but if i regain my love for this blog, i may go back, but there are really no guarantees. 

also a special mention to map anon for being the only anon who have been so interactive at me and for making me smile everytime i see them—i love you so much! i hope that we’d get to interact if i ever come back here or in another blog. you are my only pride and joy<3 hahahah thank you so much i hope the best for you :D

to my wifey and one of my closest, @giyuus-wife & @tinytravelerkitten ohgod you guys are the best. i’m not the best at communicating but you’re both still there for me it’s insane. i love you both so much!! and ai, omg your drawings are so beautiful please don’t ever waste your talent !! 

to @shintaroos you are so so kind to contact me even through my break i’m so sorry i’m just not the best to talk to i feel so bad:((( me and kou loves you mari !!! 

to @eitabun i was so looking forward to our friendship but,, it hurts me to be here anymore. i also want to co-op with you in genshin and tbh i started playing it again when you mentioned it across my dash. i’ve been addicted since hehehe. thank you so much for everything, i was really flattered when you tagged me as kenma’s player two i was like “omg” and i was just-i wanted to be much closer to you. i’m really sorry that we didn’t get to talk more. if you ever want to connect, just tell it to me:) 

and lastly to @katsukichu babe i cannot thank you enough you are so so so kind and sweet and lovely to send me motivations and stuff thank you very much. my day turns a little bit brighter i see your notif (which is the only notif i have for discord btw nxnsjsj sad life). i hope you will be happy and have someone who treats you just as you treated me. you’re such a huge blessing, thank you. 

and that’s it! this is gela from sunseteyes production, signing out! see you when i see you<3 

(also i’ll have a very last kenma fic coming up! It’s a collab and it’s the oneshot i’ve been working on as of the moment. I’m not yet halfway there and i think it will be my longest fic yet? Hopefully, it would be recognized more but i won’t be here anyway so it doesn’t matter. Please stay safe everyone, goodbye!)

[smutty-ki113r]

Greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you to much. May I please have a romantic matchup for creepypasta? You can do some nsfw stuff too if you’d like, no pressure though. My pronouns are They/Them and I’m bisexual with a preference to masculinity. My Myers Briggs type is INFJ and Enneagram type is 4. My star sign is Taurus, moon sign is Gemini. Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m rather introverted, and can be considered not a people person. Because of me dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers and murder documentaries. I also like to visit abandoned hospitals and houses just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. A friend of mine even likes to call me "discount vomitboyx". I’ve also been called "doomer boy kinnie" before. I also can come off a little bipolar. I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start conversing, which may or may not come off as rude to people. When I finally become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. Most of my humor comes off really insulting, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke if it becomes a problem. Lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. Especially with the types mentioned above. I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, reading and or listening to music ( My Chemical Romance, Arch Enemy, MurderDolls, Mindless Self Indulgence, Get Scared, sometimes Will Wood, Lemon Demon or Mother Mother, etc. ), or even occasionally gaming on my switch or read and talk about Greek mythology. I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I’m guilty of being very submissive, and the slightest touch can fluster me like crazy. Especially around my sensitive areas ( neck, thighs, hips, crotch, and hair.). Call me a masochist, but rough love has always been a fantasy of mine. I suffer from asperger syndrome, depression and anxiety. I have small tics, but they only flare when I’m stressed or mad. I’ve also been developing a eating disorder. Random fact, I wear chokers a lot, so my family sometimes barks at me like a dog. It’s annoying as fuck. If you do get to this, thanks for your time. - coii

I match you with…..💕JEFF💕

Slight NSFW bellow~

You sort of sound like a less intense Jeff, but that also means you would be able to understand him because you share similar behaviors. Plus it looks like you like some things he likes so I’m gonna give it to you. ALSO WAS THAT A HEATHERS REFERENCE? BECAUSE IM GONNA WRITE A JEFF FIC BASED ON DEAD GIRL WALKING.

I think Jeff is a hypocrite but dosen’t realize it. He would probably call you emo or something and then fail to acknowledge himself. (This is purely satire). If he sat down and watched slasher films he would say such: “I could do it better” or “wanna recreate this? I could show you how”. Jeff isn’t one to be afraid of others but he most definitely scares them off, he’d probably stick by your side and make it so that you guys are a really intimidating couple.

Congrats! Jeff’s humor also comes off as super insulting, but I’m sure you will learn it’s just a joke and start using insulting- as flirting. Jeff is a dog guy, cause of Smile obviously, so you’re good on the animal person front. Bottling up emotions and then turning aggressive, sounds just like him. If you did break past your limit though I feel like it would be in an argument with him and you would both just end up sobbing to eachother, a bit sentimental and a bonding moment. Side note, Jeff likes that music too.

Touch starved you say? You know who else is touch starved? Jeff. Hug him please, once you do he won’t let go. If you fall asleep in his arms he will definitely run his fingers through your hair and if you wake up he’ll claim there was a bug on your face. He will explore all the abandoned places you want, or if you’re alone he will scare you. He’s that kind of guy.

ROUGH LOVE, yeah that’s Jeff. Will for sure fuck you good and hard so you can’t walk after, loves to see your legs shake. He will wear a cocky grin so make sure to slap him to get it off. If you want him to hurt you he will gladly do so-physically- I don’t think he wants to see you cry. Ties you up and all that jazz too, slapping and choking like a master.

This is just my note to you, eating disorders are hell. I know it feels like amazing 3/10 % of the time but (wait thats wrong, i can’t math im gay.) but anyway, the early stages are when you have to act. I encourage you to seek treatment of some sort, I know it can be overwhelming and the guilt is just unbearable, especially as time goes on. Dosen’t matter what you look like and what kind of ed it is, they are all bad and can be extremely dangerous. I would know, I almost died. But also, I know you’re just trying to find a balance but sometimes that can be hard. I’m proud of you because I know deep down you just want to feel ok.

(Btw, for educational purposes: Bipolar disorder /there are 2 types/ isn’t “crazy”, it’s categorized by a series of manic phases switching to depressive phases for weeks up to months. It’s also manic depression, having no motivation and such and then feeling like you can do anything and there will be no consequence)

[funkymbtifiction]

hey, me again (the person you typed as SFP). Thanks for your respond. First of all; you are certainly right about me using fi-te, thats actually i am quiet sure about by now (even though i had some trouble seeing myself as a feeler at first because it is usually described that feelers are in general more empathic and i can assure you no person i know would ever use the word "empathic" to describe me)...

You sound like an NP in what you wrote here, yes.

Fi's appear stoic on the outside, but are a swarm of specific emotions on the inside. They are self-referencing; if something doesn't ignite an emotional response in them, they don't care and aren't particularly sympathetic from "the outside," hence why people call them "cold." But they are very easily insulted, if they're INFPs. Much more so than an ENFP, who will consider it through Ne/Te more often than Fi.