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hermit-god-au-pog · 3 years ago

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[OLD AND MAY BECOME NON-CANON LATER ON]

Bet you didn't expect me huh! I'm here with an actual short story!

Before we start I’d like to thank @doctorsiren, @sweetest-honeybee, and @mjlor-chan for letting me use their persona’s in this au! Once I start getting more stories written, I shall try and add them in where I can!

I just wanted to say I tried my best to make {No-Name-Reporter} as gender-less and species-less as possible! So you decide what they are! And I reread this 2 times after finishing but there probably still mistakes, so I apologize in advance for that!

If the ones I tag actually read this, I hope I did you all justice haha. If you want a further look on what this au is about just look here-actually, its a pretty good overview.

Long story sort, The hermits are gods, and no one besides them and their Ambassadors&Advertisers know this. And in this short story, a pretty rude reporter interviews each A&A team!

If I need to add any trigger warnings please tell me! As well if anyone wants to be on a taglist. Without further-a-do, lets get into the story!

What’s happening you may ask? Well, I, {No-Name-Reporter} am going to interview each of the Hermit’s Ambassadors and Advertisers! Now, we have 3 categories to get through.

1st, The Ambassador and advertiser mix! In this category, we have 4 Mr.’s and a he/they; -Elybeatmaker, JCtheFluteman, Jono, ThePooka, and Gideon21. They will be who I’m talking to first.

2nd, The Ambassadors! This bunch is a group of 4 men, from what we’ve gathered; PixlRiffs, Zloyxp, Skizz, and Solidarity.

3rd and final, The Advertisers! This group includes a she/they, and 2 lovely gals] ; Doctor Siren, Sweetest-HoneyBee, Mjlor-Chan.

Now, with all their names and job titles out of the way, Let’s get to the interviews, shall we? I have 7 questions for each title and person to get through.

--The Ambassador&Advertiser Mix--

Laughing and joking around with each other, playfully shoving one another, the group of 5 walked into the sectioned-off park area the reported had reserved. They all sat down in the seats across from the reporter that was already there. {No-Name-Reporter} opened their journal and cleared their throat to get the A&A’s attentions.

“Now, I thank you all for agreeing to come. I am {No-Name-Reporter}, here to ask you about you and your jobs, what it’s like working under the Hermits. If it is ok with you all, I’d like to begin” With nods and agreements from the 5 guests, {No-Name-Reporter} gave a curt nod. Turning on their recording device and clicking their pen, they look at the 5.

“Question number 1, What are your names and titles?” Holding the recording device in the direction of the other 5, the reporter waited patiently.

“My name is ElyBeatmaker, Ely for short, I think I’m the most recognizable member of the Ambassadors&Advertizers team, also known as the A&A team. My pronouns are he/him”

“My name is JCTheFluteMan, JC for short. I’m often working most with Ely over here. My pronouns are He/Him.”

“My name is JonoSmithers! Jono for short, I’m actually Rendogs brother, but I don’t give him too much special treatment, don’t worry” Jono gave a Lil wink even though the audio couldn’t catch it. “My pronouns are He/Him”

“I’m Th3Pooka! Pooka for short, I’m the newest to the group so I’m still figuring out my place. He/Him pronouns!”

“And I’m Gideon21! Gideon for short, I’ve collabed the most with JC but tend to do my own thing. He/They pronouns.”

“Wonderful,” {No-Name-Reporter} started, scribbling down some notes. “Next question, What are your jobs responsibilities?” Looking back up {No-Name-Reporter} waited patiently. The 5 looked between each other, deciding who should respond.

“Well,” Ely started up “Our job has a lot” The others nodded.

“While we all do different things, the main objectives are that we help the Hermits advertise the server and their vlogs. On the ambassador part, we’ll typically do interviews like this or tag along to events and such if the strictly Ambassador team needs extra hands.” Gideon finished.

“Typically I’ll do thumbnails or little animations for the Hermits” Pooka added on.

“And we make and commission music for the Hermits” Jono, JC, and Ely said in unison. Nodding as they talked, {No-Name-Reporter} made sure to take some more notes and asked the next question without looking up.

“Two questions next, Who is in charge? Of you and your job, and what can we expect next?” A few gave a few playful eye rolls and shakes of their heads.

“Xisuma manages out paychecks” Ely stated plainly and with no room to question much.

“But between the A&A team, we don’t have a boss really, we all communicate and work things out. On paper the ‘director’ is Ely but he is not our boss” Gideon butts in after Ely, the other three nodding at the two in agreement.

“What you can expect next though, From me probably a lot more animations for the Hermits, and some of me and the Team” Pooka spoke excitedly, his tail swishing slightly.

“And for the musical peeps, we got commissions were looking into, and making music of our own” JC finished up this section, the 5 of them seem satisfied with what they’ve said. As {No-Name-Reporter} acted like they were about to ask more about that subject Jono quickly cut in.

“Next question please” Narrowing his eyes Jono raised an eyebrow, as to dare the reporter to challenge him. The reported just nodded and cleared their throat.

“Ok, ok, next question then, Can we, the public, talk to the Hermits-”

“Only if they agree to it specifically” Ely immediately interrupted.

“We’re not the people to ask for that, ask them. Next question please” JC finished. {No-Name-Reporter} seemed a bit taken aback and flushed by the response, but fixing their tie, they nod a bit and huff.

“How did you each get this job? Are you qualified enough?” The 5 stay quiet for a minute and look at the interviewer, they knew the questions were preplanned but that seemed a bit harsh.

“Well,” Gideon started. “For our own reasons, we were each approached by a Hermit and or Xisuma individually, whether in public or by email. Shortly after an interview was conducted and we got the job, as you can see by us sitting here.” Gideon made sure to keep it vague, smirking as it seemed to annoy the interviewer.

“As to if we’re qualified, do you really think the hermits would hire us if we weren’t? In order to hire someone, every single hermit has to agree to it. Even with the siblings on the teams, they had to go through the same process” Jono added on, crossing his arms and tilting his head.

“Each Hermit sampled our products and looked at our backgrounds, if they did not want us, we would not be here.” Pooka huffed out.

“Next question” JC and Ely said in unison, leaving no room for argument. {No-Name-Reporter} rolled their eyes and grit their teeth but gave them a smile.

“Final question, Have you ever lied or stretched the truth when asked about who the Hermits are and what they do?” JC put a hand on Jono’s shoulder, Gideon putting an arm in front of Pooka, to keep the two sitting down, they let Ely speak.

“First off, that is very rude, preplanned or not the way you have set this up is very distasteful” Ely spoke calmly. “To answer the question, No. We say what we know and don’t spill secrets. Everyone has secrets, just like you do, at least we would respect that.” The five of them got up, and as they started walking away Ely stayed for a moment.

“The A&A team is done with this interview, and we hope you have a good day, please refrain from asking for additional interviews. The A&A’s answer will most likely be a no” With that Ely followed his friends out, and {No-Name-Reporter} turned off the recorded. Letting out a frustrated sigh, they mutter;

“Let’s hope the Ambassadors will be easier to get through.”

--The Ambassadors--

The Ambassadors entered more calmly than the A&A did. Walking in, calmly talking to each other, cracking jokes here and there, they sat down in their designated seats. 2 out of 4 of them tried to look at least a little presentable as they sat down, while the other two relaxed casually into their seats, but not like they were relaxing at home. {No-Name-Reporter} gave the 4 of them a smile, flipping to a blank page in their notebook.

“Welcome, and thank you 4 for agreeing to come. I am {No-Name-Reporter}, and I’m here to ask you about you and your jobs, what it’s like working under the Hermits. If it is ok with you all, I’d like to begin” The 4 of them agreed without too much fuss, so with a click of a pen and a push of a button to turn on the recorder, {No-Name-Reporter} cleared their throat.

“Question number 1, What are your names and titles?”

“My name is PixlRiffs, Pixl for short, I am the announcer for HermitRecap and tend to be the main speaker of the 4 of us. My pronouns are He/Him” Pixl was quick to speak, almost like clockwork.

“ ‘M Zloyxp, just Zloy, please. I’m the other member of HermitRecap, Me and my buddy pixl tend to be the go-to for Ambassador work. He/Him pronouns” Zloy was one of the two to sit in the chair, relaxed as can be.

“The names Skizzleman! Most call me Skizz. I’m closest to team ZIT and impulse, but I do my part as an ambassador for the hermits. He/Him pronouns” He was the other Ambassador who sat in a relaxed state.

“Uh, hey! I- My name is Solidarity, I go by that and Jimmy. I am actually Mumbo’s brother, no I’m not good at Redstone. I’m new to the team but excited to be here. He/Him pronouns!” He seemed to be a bit nervous, the reporter liked this. Giving a pleasant smile, {No-Name-Reporter} tapped the pen against their journal, watching Jimmy’s reaction carefully.

“Wonderful, thank you all, next question. What are your jobs responsibilities?” Jimmy and Skizz take a quick glance at Pixl and Zloy, Pixl speaking up first.

“As Ambassadors to the Hermitcraft server, we often take care of the behind-the-scenes work when the hermits cant. Such as meetings, event planning, member tallies, recaps of what’s going on in the server, and making sure their image is not wrongly portrayed.” Pixl spoke calmly, and kept his expression neutral as if he was trained for this kind of situation.

“Right, now Pixl and I do most of the work since the other two are newer, but we all have our own roles within the Ambassador title. Next question please” Zloy seemed to get a bit more defensive, making the reporter raise an eyebrow.

“Ok, well then, next question I suppose” {No-Name-Reporter} looked at Zloy for a prolonged second before glancing to the rest of them. ”Two questions next actually, Who is in charge? Of you and your job, and what can we expect next?”

“Well Xisuma handles our paychecks” Zloy responded with a bit of snark, giving the interviewed a toothy smirk. Pixl rolled his eyes but hid a smile.

“As for who is ‘in charge’ of the operations” Pixl used his fingers to do quotation marks “Typically Zloy and I take the lead since we have more experience. But on paper, I am technically the lead man. But none of us think that per se” Pixl crossed his legs and sat back in his seat. “We, like the hermits, are very kind and cooperative people. We communicate constantly and keep an eye on one another” Pixel added on with a sickly sweet tone. Zloy gave the reported a look as if to dare to say something snarky or rude to them.

“Ah! As to what you can expect next!” Skizz clapped, seeming to either ignore the tense air or be oblivious to it. “We’re talking with the hermits about the new Minigame that’s been created by NoxCrew and Mr.Scott Smajor, a few of the hermits might be interested. As well as a more, tense little ‘mini game’ server is in the works. I can’t spoil too much behind it, but it’s going to be FILLED with action” Jimmy seemed to get excited as the two things were announced.

“Besides the hermits, some of us Ambassadors and Advertisers Might actually be participating as well” Skizz nodded and gave Jimmy a smile, glad to see him calm down a bit. {No-Name-Reporter} nodded as they quickly wrote all this down, happy to finally get some new news from these guys. ‘About fucking time’ they thought to themselves.

“Ok, next question, Can we, the public, talk to the Hermits?” Skizz and Jimmy instantly looked uncomfortable and Zloy let out a heavy annoyed sigh.

“With all due respect, we’ve tried to tell the public this many times” Pixl started, uncrossing his legs and leaning forward a bit. “The hermits are pretty private people, most of them at least. And unless they announce it themselves, no, the general public usually cannot personally talk to the hermits. And we Ambassadors ask for everyone to respect the Hermits boundaries in that way” {No-Name-Reporter} sat back a bit, caught off guard by Pixl’s intensity, muttering a soft almost silent ‘rude’ to themselves. Clearing their throat they flipped to a clean page in their journal.

“Ok, next two questions. How did you each get this job? Are you qualified enough?” Zloy let out a soft growl, not caught by the recording device thankfully. He bared his sharp teeth at this reporter, the way the questions were asked striking a small nerve. Pixl even felt his eye twitch a bit. Jimmy was actually the first to speak up.

“Well, The hermits have a very long and extensive hiring process. After getting everyone to agree to a player, they have to do an extensive background check and a couple of interviews before you can get the job” Skizz nods and glanced over at the recap.

“Zloy and Pixl have been doing this almost as long as the server has been online. They’re probably some of the most qualified people out there, and that’s actually quite a rude statement to ask us. We are ambassadors to the server, we would not be here if we didn’t have the skills necessary. I’m sure the hermits and the public would agree with us on that.” Skizz gave a soft sigh.

“Next question please, I’m sure none of us are comfortable enough to continue this conversation.“ The other three nod in agreement with Skizz’s statement. {No-Name-Reporter} only gave a curt nod and looks back at their notes.

“Ok then. Final question, Have you ever lied or stretched the truth when asked about who the Hermits are and what they do?” Zloy quickly stood, knocking over his chair. Pixl stood a bit calmer and put a hand on Zloys chest. Pixl, not taking his eyes off his friend spoke.

“We choose not to answer this question. And after today, we safely say we will no longer take interview requests from your company. After your interviews with the Advertisers, please never come back.” With that Pixl lead an upset Zloy out of the park.

Skizz stood, helping Jimmy up. “Thank you for the interview and we hope you got answers you were happy with. Have a good day” Skizz spoke, not looking at the interviewer. After {No-Name-Reporter} shut off the recorder Jimmy looks at them.

“Just as a warning, if hermits are to catch word of this rude behavior, they won’t be the happiest. So when you edit that, make sure to make yourself sound a bit nicer and less...sleazy” With that, the final 2 ambassadors left the park.

--The Advertisers--

The 3 of them walk into the park almost silently, {No-Name-Reporter} almost missed them. As the 3 sat down, One gave a smile and wave.

“Hey there, Thanks for inviting us along!” The Bee hybrid spoke cheerfully, The dragon hybrid gave a small noise of agreement as the Demon like one gave a small nod. While The Bee and dragon Hybrid sat straight up, hands in their laps, the Demon-like hybrid sat back, arms crossed across their chest, not looking unpleasant but not looking ecstatic to be here. {No-Name-Reporter} gave a slight cough.

“Yes, Thank you three for coming! I’m {No-Name-Reporter}, I’m here to ask you about you and your jobs, what it’s like working under the Hermits. If it is ok with you all, I’d like to begin” With agreement from the 3 gals, {No-Name-Reporter} turns on the recorder and clicks their pen open, looking at the 3 in front of them.

“Question number 1, What are your names and titles?”

“My name is Sweetest-Honeybee, You can call me Bee. I’m typically doing most of the public work and deals, while also doing a lot of the animation for the team! She/They please.”

“My name’s Doctor-Siren! Shortened to Siren usually. While I also do a lot of public stuff, not as much as Bee. I typically like to make the character designs and manage the plans of all our projects going on! She/Her pronouns please.”

“And I’m Mjlor-Chan. Mjlor for short. I typically do storyboards and do the final rundown of the projects before they’re released. As well as dealing with complaints and follow-ups usually. I use she/her pronouns” {No-Name-Reporter} nods, writing everything down.

“Ok, thank you. You’ve kind of already answered this but, if you have anything else to add please do. What are your jobs responsibilities?” Bee and Siren laugh a little bit, and Mjlor rolls her eyes amused glancing over at the other two.

“Well, typically we’re the ones making deals with the public for the hermits when they want or need the hermits to sponsor something, or they want to sponsor the hermits. We also ask other artists for commissions if we or a hermit wants it. Additionally, we do a lot of the more advanced art for some hermits and the rest of the team.” Bee started to explain.

“We also do commissions of our own, outside of the hermits” {No-Name-Reporter} rose an eyebrow at Mjlors comment, she looks back at the reporter, raising an eyebrow back.

“So, you work for others besides the hermits?” {No-Name-Reporter} spoke with an illusion of shock and confusion. Mjlor rolled her eyes and sighed in unison with Bee and Siren like they’ve heard this before. Mjlor sat up fully, leaning forward so her arms rested on her legs.

“Listen, the hermits are great, and sure they pay us plenty. But that doesn’t mean they own us or our services. We still work for other people, and other artists work for them. Plain and simple” Bee slightly nudged Mjlor.

“Everything Mjlor said was right. And I think we move on now please.”

“If I could ask a few more questions about-”

“No,” the three advertisers said at once.” Next question please” Bee stated once again, making the reporter give a defeated sigh.

“Ok, next question. Two questions actually, Who is in charge? Of you and your job, and what can we expect next?” {No-Name-Reporter} looked at the three expectantly, feeling the atmosphere in the room suddenly grow heavier, but the tones of the three didn’t change to anything malicious.

“Xisuma manages our paychecks and makes sure we get them on time” Bee started talking first.

“And we don’t really have a set leader or director here. We all have different jobs within the advertising department. So one of us can exactly look over everything” Siren tried to explain.

“With us, we have to communicate in order to get shit done, and that’s what we do. So technically we’re all in charge of ourselves, we don’t need a big boss hovering over our shoulder like you” Mjlor finished, sitting back again, crossing her arms again.

“And a lot of our projects are pretty private, strictly between us, the hermits, and our clients. If you want to know more, a hermit or client will publicly announce what they’re doing and you can ask them. Privacy is important here.” Bee crossed her legs, putting their hands on their knee as they gave the reporter a smile. After a long silence {No-Name-Reporter} let out an awkward cough.

“Well since you just answered my next question, ill skip to the others after that. I have two questions actually. How did you each get this job? Are you qualified enough?” Mjlor gave out a low heavy sigh and rubbed their temple as Bee’s wings jitter in annoyance and Sirens wings try to puff up to make her look bigger, but she soothes them back down.

“Listen, {No-Name-Reporter}, we’re not really liking your questions, your delivery and the way you’re talking to us is very rude. Knowing the hermits or not, you shouldn’t treat someone like this. And frankly, I’m not going to deal with that. “Mjlor states as she stood, Bee and Siren following her lead.

“If you’ve treated us like this I’m afraid how you treated the others.” Siren shook her head slightly at the reporter, already mentally planning on contacting the other 2 teams to see how their interviews went. {No-Name-Reporter} quickly stood up after them, reaching out a hand.

“Wait, ok, at least answer my final question, Have you ever lied or stretched the truth when asked about who the Hermits are and what they do? There are a lot of rumors going on around them you know” {No-Name-Reporter} fell silent as all 3 advertisers turn to face them. They all gave them a stare that didn’t quite have ill intent, but it surely wasn’t friendly either.

“Listen {No-Name-Reporter}. I recommend you leave this area and refrain from contacting us or the hermits ever again” Bee spoke calmly, walking closer as she held her arms behind her back. “We took time out of our busy days to talk to you, the hostility is not appreciated.” As {No-Name-Reporter} started to try and walk back, the back of their legs hit the seat and out of surprise fell back into the seat. Siren used her wings to flutter hop over. Grabbing the recording device, she pressed the stop button.

“The hermits are kind people and try to show that, but also aren’t pushovers like some people think they are.” Siren handed the recording device back to the stunned reporter. “And they’re going to be very displeased to learn this whole interview was to try and get secrets about them from us.” the {No-Name-Reporter} starter to sputter and explain themself but Mjlor put a hand on their shoulder.

{No-Name-Reporter} almost jumped out of their seat and turned to look at the girl who seemed to just appear next to them. {No-Name-Reporter} gave Mjlor a cautious and confident look as to say ‘hurt me, I dare you, ill take you down if you do’. Mjlor gave them a smirk and leans down.

“Don’t worry {No-Name-Reporter}, I’m not going to hurt you, I would never, I think I’m being unrightfully accused” Mjlor feigned innocence. “I just want you to know, you have 12 people who know; what you look like, your name, and where you work. If the hermits truly wanted to find you to give you a follow-up after this, it would not be very hard.” With that Mjlor stood up and let go of the reporter’s shoulder, pulling out her communicator she walked out of the park, probably messaging the Ambassadors and the A&A’s. {No-Name-Reporter} let out a shaky breath and looked at the other two who have gathered their stuff.

“I hope you have a lovely rest of your day {No-Name-Reporter}” Bee said with a smile.

“And I sure do hope you learn not to be as rude. It’s not a good look and can get you in trouble” Siren said with concern and then a smile. The two then followed Mjlors lead and left {No-Name-Reporter} sitting there. Stunned and a little frightened.

Aftermath

“Yeah, that company is very bad news. Are we putting them on the no-contact list?” Ely commented. Currently, all 12 A&A’s were in a room together, it was the next day. They had just finished sharing their stories with each other.

“Oh definitely, I’m half tempted to tell the hermits. But that might just cause the hermit’s more stress than they need” Zloy huffed out, scratching his head and leaning back in his seat, glancing up and behind him at Pixl, who nodded in agreement.

“Let’s wait for a minute to see what they do before we tell the hermits. But definitely put them on No-Contact” Pixl looked at the 3 advertisers. “They seemed to be the worst with you three though.” The 3 gals looks between each other and shrug.

“Eh, could be a lot of reasons why. None of the options nice but still” Siren spoke from the spot she was perched on, Bee and Mjlor nodded.

“I made sure he knew we weren't going to take any of his shit early on, and I think that pissed him off” Mjlor snorted, Bee laughing softly as well, nodded.

“That you did. In general he gave a shitty vibe” Everyone in the room agreed with Bee’s statement. Then Jimmy’s and Jono’s coms buzzed. Checking their messages they both cringed.

“So...my brother just texted”

“Mine too”

“Looks like the reporter has a fast work ethic because the article is already out” Jono looked up to see the differing looks of upset in the room then to Jimmy. Jimmy looking back at him than the others.

“Turns out it’s not the nicest article either, to put it nicely, and the hermits who already know are not happy. I think we should be getting a text from-”

~Ding~

“Xisuma” Ely, Pixl, and Zloy said at the same time. The room stayed silent for a moment before they all started to laugh.

“Ok, let’s get this crazy shit show rolling shall we?” Pooka recommended, holding up 3 recorders of his own. Each labeled with the different departments the group was in.

“Wait, are those each from our interviews?” Skizz questioned, to which pooka nodded quickly.

“Sure is, and I say we use these to our advantage.” And with that, everyone gave each other a mischievous smirk. With a message to Xisuma for a meeting place, they all started leaving the room, excited to cause some mayhem. They all deserved some fun after those interviews, as a treat.

#HGAU stories #hermitcraft #hermit recap #honorary hermits #i really dont wanna tag 12 people #thats a lot #hermitcraft recap #But!#i had fun with this-writing it and stuff #many mistakes or not haha #i hope whoever reads this had fun too!#and i hope i did the 3 i tagged justice #im scared to share it just cause i dont want them to hate it xD

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fluffy-papaya · 3 years ago

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Hermits but I decide how Gender they are (in good faith and /lh fun).

Bdubs: unhinged ferret is a valid gender. How does he do That with his voice, that is so unbelievably unfair. +2 Gender Points for the bleached mohawk. 10/10 gender.

Cubfan135: lab coats are good. I don’t know if he’s bald or has a shaved head but either way it makes for a nice combo with the beard. 7/10 gender. Eboy (beloved? beloathed? befuddled). 8/10 gender.

DocM77: evil scientist furry???? Sign Me The Fuck Up. If I don’t look human do I have to have a Gender? I thought not. Also- once again, voice?? Points added for crocs. 9/10 gender.

Etho: Impeccable Gender Vibes. Mask, white hair, ‘what the Fuck is interaction’ combined makes for one hell of a vibe middle school me would’ve loved. Smart, and yet without a brain cell, like all the cool gender kids. 11/10 gender.

False: bruh. Sword??? Sword and steampunk goggles??? I have those things in my closet right now. There is something about the jacket that makes my gender vibes tingle. please tell me I’m not the only one. 8/10 gender.

Gem: cottagecore gal! The overalls and flower crown make me smile. She gives off a gender but not The Gender, y’know? 6/10 gender.

Grian: trash man. stinky little gremlin. Mischief is a gender and he has proved it, right after proving Shenanigan and Trouble. I gotta vibe with the sweater, but he refuses to change his hair :( 5/10 gender.

Hypno: trench coat and possible crop top. hell to the fuck to the yeah. 9/10 gender.

Impulse: I did not think dad vibes were a gender until him. Cargo shorts are valid and a respectable gender pant choice. Drummer. He could probably make an afk gender farm. 9/10 gender.

Iskall: :] 10/10 gender.

Jevin: Amorphous blob in a hoodie was yet another seventh grade gender goal tbh, so I think I gotta give points for that. 7/10 gender.

Joe Hills: I do not need to explain this one. 11/10 gender.

Keralis: not a gender :( eyes scary :( but he has assigned me ASAV (assigned sweetface at video) so I gotta give him a little credit. 2/10 gender.

MumboJumbo: Y’know, if the suit look wasn’t already hella gender, the utter buffoonery that is the jumbo man would make it. No one with a Gender has a single brain cell, so thank you Mr. Jumbo for the accurate rep. 7/10 gender.

Pearl: black hoodie and shorts, highlighted hair- no joke, this is the actual middle school Gender I did have, so thank you Ms. Moon for making it 3/3. Also the name is very gender of her. 9/10 gender.

Rendog: Ladies, gentleman, everyone in between, please rise for the most Gender Man on the server, Ren-Diggity-Dog! We got a ponytail! We got suspenders! We got ripped jeans! We got a furry! 100/10 gender.

Scar: Listen. Listen. I know it is meant to be a vest but I keep looking at Scar’s skin and thinking it’s a corset. Do you see my dilemma. Do you see my problem. Half-naked wizard and cowboy are also pretty awesome genders. I respect his refusal to put on a shirt. 10/10 gender.

Stress: Like she is with all things, Stress is a pro at gender. The pink cardigan and occasional bits of murderous rage really sell the show. 8/10 gender.

Tango: …do I need to say anything? Man has gender to a T (heh), but I gotta take points off for the bug eyes. 9/10 gender.

TFC: no gender vibes, only pickaxe. Maybe branch mining does count as a gender? 3/10 gender

Beef: big, buff, bloody. I’m swooning over the gender this man has. Also another voice with extreme Gender moments, don’t sleep on this man hermitblr! 8/10 gender.

Wels: who needs an assigned gender when you can have: full body armor! I wish I could banish my evil gender clone to hell with a rap battle. 7/10 gender.

xB: the casual outfit is pretty slick, I gotta admit. I respect the gender that comes with isolation as well. Plus! APAK (assigned princess by Keralis) adds some points for him. 6/10 gender.

Xisuma: shapeshifting doomguy is not exactly a gender I thought I would ever see but goddamn do I see it. The bee and axolotl skins are both on the gender spectrum but at opposite ends. Points taken off for reasons unrelated to gender, I just really hate that he likes egg on his pizza. 6/10 gender.

Zedaph: …okay, if I gathered up 100 people with Gender and asked them ‘hey would you like macaroni for hair’ I know for a fact at least 5 of them would say yes. Obligatory maid dress mention. Obligatory Create Mod skin mention. Gender lies with the unethical experiments of a socially awkward scientist. 8/10 gender.

ZombieCleo: [smacks zombie] wait that’s a terrible idea [lightly taps zombie] this gal can fit so much Gender in her. Being undead just really adds to the point pool here, guys! Sarcasm is a valid Gender Language that I gladly respect, right beside ‘flower crown’ and ‘striped socks’. 9/10 gender.

#hermitcraft #long post #it is- hold on #12:42 and still 95 degrees #so pardon the incoherentness of the post #man this was fun #but also gender doesn’t look like a real word anymore

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wasyago · 3 years ago

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Dear Wasyago, I looked at your profile photo and for some reason thought it was Rendog among us, I don't even know if Mr. Dog has played among us but my brain for some reason made that connection

I hope you take no offense to this and if it makes you feel better, I immediately realized that your profile was not, in fact, Rendog among us

From, a poor anon whose brain makes leaps larger than canyons

Thank you dearly for your wonderful message, Anon. I will take no offence for your false assumption, and will now proceed to be "rendog among us", for no future confusion

- rendog among us (wasyago)

#yagotalk #what am doing with my life #anon

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ksqwildwest · 3 years ago

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dunno if you follow any other mcyt content, but if you havent already seen it, rendog's hermitcraft s7e5 opening features ren the kid and i just think it would be really incredibly funny for this town of goofs to meet mr batman voice, have him pronounce some kind of ominous warning, nod solemly at (ex) sheriff thompson and leave

Thanks for the ask!

I ... vuagely know of hermitcraft. I was interested in the whole "moon big" plot and I enjoy Mumbo-jumbo's videos every now and then. But I don't believe I've ever watched Rendog. That said, I'm imagining a 5 year old telling Thompson in a perfect (rolls some dice, checks) Robert Pattinson impression something super ominus and then just ... leaves town.

It's a very funny image!

#tales from the smp #tftsmp #tftsmp wild west

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spookyserpent · 3 years ago

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Hi I'm really curious if you have a masterlist for the characters,powers and who they are actually in irl due to the fact I actually don't recognize a few of them in your spider versus web series? Also keep up the good work I really love this series!

Hi!

Here you go:

Dsmp:

Tommy - post-mortem power absorption (avian wings = red wings like flames, etc) and power neutralisation (directed at himself)

Dream - elemental manipulation, earth related

George - never misses a shot, weapons proficiency

Sapnap - accelerated healing, fire generation/manipulation

Wilbur - compelling voice (kinda mind manipulation) + ability to see memories/drag up darkest secrets (want to tell him your deepest desires), immortal

Techno - blood manipulation, accelerated healing, super senses, immortal

Phil - reap souls, sense death, can make people into reapers (like Wil and Tech), avian = big black wings, immortal

Niki - water manipulation, can breath under water and can siren sing

Tubbo - bee-like qualities, can sting and fly

Ranboo - can teleport, a sixth sense, photographic reflexes

Ponk/Purpled/Punz/Quackity - powerless

Charlie - intangibility (can be seen as a slime if you wish, goopy boy my beloved)

Puffy - reality warping of probabilities

Sam - explosion generation/ manipulation

Foolish - sky and sea manipulation like storms

Drista - reality warping in the sense of spawning things in (she has creative mode)

Bad - darkness manipulation

Skeppy - get in and out of everywhere

Ant - mimic powers

Fundy - shapeshifter/silver tongue inherited from Wil

Eret - bond manipulation, makes you attached so can’t harm

Alyssa - sees the future

Callahan - knows where everyone is at all times

Jack - revenant

The Warden - technology manipulation

Among us Yt:

Minx - telekinesis

Corpse - possession and mind manipulation through touch

Rae - energy manipulation

Toast - sense a person’s memories through touch, low levels of telepathy (just the thoughts you have in that moment)

Sykkuno - fire and ice manipulation

Jack - can’t be killed and weapon proficiency (like Deadpool)

Tina - metal manipulation

Brooke - luck

Leslie - forcefields and portal generation

Og Mcyts:

Dan - creates clones

Stampy - powerless

Sqaishey - mind manipulation where they make you see and experience your greatest desire/dream

Shadow Lady - shadow manipulation

Cap. Sparklez - light manipulation

Sky - air manipulation

Squid - giant squid shapeshifter, can breathe underwater

Hermitcraft:

Grian - avian, parrot wings

Rendog - wolf shapeshifter

False - precognitive abilities

Beef - Minotaur body

Cleo - Revenant: cannot be killed unless their mission is complete

Iskall/Xisuma/Mumbo/ Doc/ Scar/ Gemini - powerless

Mr Beast Yt:

Mr Beast/Chandler/Chris - powerless

Origins SMP:

Scott Smajor - powerless

Tales of the SMP:

Sir Billiam - powerless

I think this is it? There might be more (I have OCs too but they only have a small part to play) and I think some of their powers change but this is the original document I wrote for these characters!

I’m glad you’re enjoying it! Thank you!

#asks #dream smp fic

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windfighter · 4 years ago

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Apparently we're fighting the hermits now? Okay then, I'll go too!

Keralis - Keralis is great at escaping and I am great at missing. We'd be in a stalemate until he realizes he can fight back. He'd call me sweetface and ask why I'm doing it and I'd die from regret (or from a creeper that sneaks up on us while we're fighting). He has a pretty but punchable face. Might fight him, but would rather just tour his base. 3/10

Rendog - Have you seen his wrestler-skin? I stand no chance, but maybe I can use the opportunity to unlock hidden background lore for my own character. 5/10 because we always need more lore

False - No one raises a sword against the queen. 0/10 but I'll enjoy watching her fight the rest of you.

Ex-eye-suma - People say he's punchable but I just want to hug him. 0/10 because even if I tried he'd just look at me and I'd put away my sword again.

cubfan135 - Mr 135 fan of the cub has it coming. I love him but holy carp does his grinding put the rest of us to shame. 8/10 I would get completely destroyed but it would be worth it.

B of the double of the O - This man is feral. He carries knives hidden under his shirt every day. Little does he know I also always carry hidden knives. Our defeat will be mutual and everyone watching will wonder what happened. 4/10 because I don't actually want to fight someone with that much feral energy.

Beef - Would fight him only because the shaders. Would proceed to get completely destroyed. 7/10

Mr Goodtimes - I would win but at what cost? At least he would laugh in confusion while it all goes down. HIs laugh would distract me and his right hand enemy bdubs would come in and slay me at the last second. Oh looks lite I didn't win after all. 0/10

Tango - This man regulary handles ravagers. No way in Hel I'm fighting that. I'd try and he'd sick his iron golem/ravager army on me. My only hope of escape is that the ravagers and iron golems get distracted by each other. 4/10 because at least it'd be an amazing sight watching that army march against me.

Iskall - We'd both be too busy laughing our asses off at the squeakies on top of pacific. Also they're a former hitman and I can't even hit a bale of hay. 0/10 would much rather just hang out with them

Impulse - Would absolutely fight. I'm going to deck him so he finally gets some sleep. Will challenge him to a pillow fight in hopes that it'd help. He would build a pillow fight minigame and proceed to completely wreck me. I will lose but at least there'll be a new minigame for everyone to try. 10/10

Grian - Not as feral as bdubs, but definately chaotic. I stand absolutely no chance and when I try to fly away I'll wreck myself against a wall. Our battle will be quick, unspectacular and forgetable. There's no reason for such a battle. 0/10

Welsnight - Something about him makes me want to fight him, no matter how awesome he is. He will defeat me twice - once in battle and once with a great disstrack. What did I do to deserve that? I'll love him for it. 6/10

Mumbo - Only one I stand a chance at defeating because even if he's secretly buff he's a disaster and a spoon and he'd be distracted enough by something for me to land the killing blow. If we fight near his redstone machinery I will lose tho, because I'd be too busy trying to see what's going on. On the plus-side he'd be too busy explaining it to actually fight me. 0/10 because there wouldn't even be a fight.

ZombieCleo - No, just no. She would kill me with her sarcasm and I would thank her (and then she'd proceed to kill me with her sword just to get my head). 2/10 because it would be fun to see my head in her armor stand scenes.

Etho - Ladders might not be as good at PvP as he once was (his own words) but I have never actually done PvP and I can barely defeat a zombie. He would stand still and I would miss him. He would teleport away and then proceed to headshot me wih a firework. 4/!0 because at least my demise will be colorful

Joe Hills - We'd start fighting then it'd turn into a poem writing marathon. He'll tell me I made a good attempt at rhyming and then teach me about the history of poetry. I didn't know I was interested in that but I can't stop listening. His dogs will tear me apart while I'm distracted. 7/10 because honestly poem writing marathon with Mr Hills sounds like a great time even if it will kill me.

Zedaph - eeeeeh... I'd try but then Tango will arrive to either help him or help me and I'm not prepared to take that chance. There is also a chance that Zedaph just straight up feeds me to Bone Apetite and I'm not sure how good my remains are for bonemeal. 1/10

Hermitcraft recap - will absolutely fight. I have no chance because they will tagteam me and I can't even hit the broad side of a barn in daylight. They might be too busy with making the next recap show and that'll allow me to take them, but that would be dirty and I would rather not. 9/10 because it'll be pretty hilarious.

#windy rambles #hermitcraft #there's a few I didn't list #I'm not subscribed to the others #I almost added Dream by mistake #it you wanna know - no I would not fight Dream #I would lose before he even gets a wood sword #it wouldn't even be funny #at first I was just 'I won't fight anyone'#but then I started and was like #'you know actually I will'#I added hermitcraft recap just for the lolz #why are we even fighting the hermits?#this was actually pretty fun to type out #y'all are much funnier than I am tho

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theres-an-impulstor-among-us · 4 years ago

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That last one was just amazing- by the way, if you ever want to directly address me for whatever reason, call me Raven!

Now, from the two among us Zed oneshots you’ve written, I think I can draw a conclusion. Zedaph is a hacker. His next hack would probably be a more wholesome one, just to balance the horror his friends have witnessed recently. Maybe he gives himself the jester role, or makes the impostor role different. Maybe he switches it to the werewolf impostor, and who else to have fun as a werewolf with than Rendog himself? :D

Thanks for being my best requester Raven! I love your ideas :D Also I couldn’t choose between the jester and werewolf mods so I went with both :)

…

When Zedaph first arrived on this ship for his first ever round of Among Us with his friends, he had assumed that his ability to hack into a game’s code would be utterly useless here. Or, at the very least, that it would take a long time for him to gain access to all the different modifications he knows exist within the game.

Now he knows how wrong he was.

He senses after a while that the others might be getting bored of the same old routine. Sure, every round is unpredictable. But perhaps it might be time for a slight deviation to make things more exciting and bring back the spark that his friends have for the game.

When the last round ends, Zedaph dives into the library of mods, looking for some roles that might make a fun combination. He immediately spots a role he desperately wants, along with an imposter modification that will definitely make the game more interesting. Already grinning at the possibilities, he selects them and leaves the game’s code.

There Is One Werewolf and One Jester Among Us

Everyone stands around the table, staring at each other in confusion over the different and rather worrying message.

Grian is the first to speak up. “Wh-What is going on? What’s with the werewolf? And what the hell does jester mean?”

“The jester is the officially assigned third imposter,” replies Zedaph, grinning. “Their job is to act sus and get voted off. If they do, they automatically win.”

�� Luckily, nobody questions how Zedaph knows this. He figures they put it down to his enthusiasm for the game.

“And the imposter is actually a werewolf,” he adds. “They- Well, I guess we’ll see what they do, huh?”

“This is gonna end badly,” groans Skizzleman, “This is gonna end SO badly.”

“Let’s get on with our tasks,” Grian says. “There’s only one imposter, apparently, so they should have a harder time than usual.”

Zedaph watches his friends split up to do their tasks. He smiles; already, there seems to be more of an air of anticipation surrounding the group than at the start of the previous round. His plan to make things more exciting seems to be working already. He’s very happy that somehow, the randomised game has given him the role of jester right off the bat.

However, unbeknownst to Zedaph, the game sensed how much he wanted to be the jester and assigned him the role accordingly. He also doesn’t know that the game has a sense of humour in who it chose for the werewolf role.

Ren finds a new option alongside “kill” and “sabotage”. Surely an option with this long a cooldown can only be something spectacular.

So he risks it and waits.

He kills Scar in communications and quickly leaves, passing Bdubs in shields on the way, before activating the werewolf option.

Immediately, his vision increases; he can see way further than he ever could. When he runs, he’s extremely fast, zooming at least three times as fast as he could before. Some unknown energy is fueling him.

He makes it all the way around the right side of the ship and over to medbay without meeting anyone before his werewolf boost runs out. The cooldown is painfully long, but at least his kill cooldown is almost over.

Spotting movement in medbay, he heads inside and finds Etho and Skizzleman inside. He senses an opportunity here.

He kills Skizzleman as the latter is standing on the scanner.

Just as he expects, Etho reports. “I just saw Ren kill Skizz right in front of me.”

“Hey, I was nowhere near you,” Ren retorts. “He’s self-reporting.”

“Can anyone vouch for your movements, Ren?” asks Grian.

“I saw him in shields not that long ago,” Bdubs says. “And he was heading up to nav. I highly doubt he could get all the way from there to medbay in that amount of time.”

Ren frowns, wondering how Bdubs had not discovered Scar’s body. Then he realises. His vision had increased, so the crewmates’ must have decreased.

“Nice try, Etho,” Bdubs snickers. “Next time, pick someone who wasn’t halfway across the ship when you murder.”

Etho starts to protest but he makes eye contact with Ren and stops.

“When the game doesn’t end, you’d better vote Ren out next,” he says.

Bdubs shakes his head. “It literally COULDN’T be him. He was on the other side of the ship.”

Ren grins to himself as Etho is ejected. He has this round in the bag, he thinks.

But he has forgotten about the jester.

Zedaph decides to follow Ren this round. He knows the powers of the werewolf almost as well as he knows Etho; the cyan crewmate wouldn’t make up such an obvious lie, especially when he’s already known as a self-reporter.

And if the game’s sense of humour made a joker like Zedaph the jester, why wouldn’t it make Rendog the werewolf?

He follows Ren discreetly to electrical and watches him kill Tango inside. As Ren leaves the room again and heads for storage, Zedaph ducks inside electrical and waits for a few seconds before leaving.

As he hoped, he passes Grian just heading into storage, moments before their vision decreases again. Ren has activated werewolf mode. Zedaph can no longer see Grian; he can only hope that the red crewmate is heading for electrical.

Sure enough, the body is reported a few seconds later.

Before Grian can speak, Zedaph blurts out, “I saw Ren vent.”

“Wait, what?” Ren blinks at him. “I didn’t vent!”

“I saw you vent into shields while I was doing my task,” Zedaph says calmly. “I ran off towards the button but the body was reported before I could get there. You guys need to vote him off; Etho was right about him.”

Ren doesn’t understand. He’s the only imposter; why is Zedaph accusing him of venting when he didn’t?

“I didn’t vent into shields!” Ren protests. “I didn’t vent anywhere. I wasn’t even near shields; I was in reactor. I don’t understand why you-.”

He breaks off as Zedaph makes eye contact with him, and that’s when Ren realises what is happening. His friend is the jester and he’s in control of the situation completely. If the crewmates believe Zedaph and vote Ren out, he loses. If they don’t believe Zedaph and HE is voted out, he wins.

Zedaph has created an unwinnable scenario for Ren.

Now the question becomes… which ending is preferable?

After less than a second of thought, Ren decides to fight. If he’s going to lose either way, he’d rather Zedaph win through his own intelligence than the crewmates receive a victory they didn’t earn.

“Ren?” Grian prompts.

“Zedaph is lying,” Ren says. “He’s trying to frame me. Where’s the body, Grian?”

“Electrical,” Grian replies slowly, eyes flickering from Zedaph to Ren.

“Did you see anyone around?”

“Yeah…” Grian hesitates. “I saw Zedaph around the area.”

“There, see?” It pains Ren to do this, but he knows it’s the best option. “He knows you saw him around the spot where the body was found and he decided to cover his tracks by accusing me of venting.”

“Nuh uh!” The slightest hint of a grin is visible on Zedaph’s face. “Don’t try and throw me under the bus, Mr Werewolf. Just look at those furry little ears on his head!”

“That’s a coincidence and you know it,” says Ren, internally sighing as he finally realises the irony. “Guys, you have to believe me; I’m not the imposter. Zedaph was literally seen around the area the body was discovered AND he’s trying to claim he saw me vent when I was nowhere near him. It’s obvious he’s the imposter.”

Zedaph shakes his head. “No, it’s Ren. I saw him vent.”

Grian, Bdubs, and Impulse exchange looks.

Zedaph watches them make their minds. He’s not worried. If Tango was there, he would be; Tango knows him far too well. But Impulse, despite their long history, isn’t quite as familiar with the inner workings of Zedaph’s mind as Tango is.

Finally, Grian says, “I think it’s Zedaph.”

“No!” Zedaph protests immediately. “I literally saw Ren vent! It’s not me.”

Impulse doesn’t seem quite as convinced. “I dunno, guys. Zed might be the jester, remember.”

“If he was the jester, surely he wouldn’t be fighting so hard to make us believe that Ren is the imposter,” Grian responds. “Plus, we already established Ren couldn’t have killed Skizzleman like Etho said he did.”

Zedaph snickers internally. He can almost hear Tango’s groan from the afterlife.

The timer is running out. Everyone locks in their votes.

Zedaph and Impulse have voted for Ren. Grian, Bdubs, and Ren have voted for Zedaph.

Frowning, Impulse turns to Zedaph. “Zed, I’m sorry.”

Zedaph pats his friend on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it.”

He waits until they’ve put him in the airlock before he grins and says, “Thank you for your help, Ren. That was so much fun.”

Ren chuckles and shakes his head. “You deserve this, man. Well done.”

Grian and Bdubs exchange confused frowns but Impulse nods, turning away so he doesn’t have to see his friend being ejected. Their exchange can only mean one thing: a rare scenario has occurred.

The imposter AND the crewmates have lost.

#hermitcraft #hermits among us #hermitcraft among us #zedaph #rendog #Vaunna writes

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hermitcraftheadcanons · 5 years ago

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The TRUTH about Cubfan135! The Science!

Hello Internet, welcome to GAME THEORY.

Cubfan has always been a strange entity with Hermitcraft. Is he human? Vex? A meme? Cryptid? A figment of Goodtimeswithscar's imagination? The ghost of christmas capitalism? I'm here to prove to you that Mr Cubfan 'Cub' 135 is actually none of those. (Or maybe some of those.) As I have done an immense amount of research and drank so much tea to bring you the theory to end all theories:

Is Cubfan135 a villager?

Let's look at the facts.

I spent 5 whole minutes googling Cubfan's skin. He has 2 pixels across, 1 pixel high eyes. Now, due to the limitedness of minecraft skin's, we're going to use the proportions of other hermits to help us.

There are a few types of eyes found on hermits skins.

1x1 - Mumbo

2x1 - Cubfan, Etho, Hypno, Iskall, Joe Hills, Rendog, Tango, TFC, VintageBeef, XBCrafted, Xisuma, Zedaph, ZombieCleo

1x2 - Grian

2x2 - Bdouble0100, FalseSymmetry, Scar, iJevin, Impulse, StressMonster

3x3 - Docm77, Keralis

So based on this data, we found that 1/26 hermits have beedy eyes that scare me, 1/2 hermits have short but slim eyes (almond?) 1/26 have no soul, 3/13 have round eyes and 1/13 have eyes so big that you can only look into their eyes and nothing but their eyes.

So from this, we can infer that hermits with 2x1 eyes are the most dominant eye shape.

I went back on google and lo and behold, our research proves right:

But what does this have to do with Cubfan? Well, you see, Cubphan is actually apart of that 2x1 club. Wanna know who else is? The minecraft villagers.

Of course, as we've established, this is a dominant trait in the hermitcraft continuity so I wouldn't be surprised if you aren't convinced.

But what about their baldness? We know from ingame breeding mechanics that villagers are born bald meaning they most likely can't grow hair on their head to begin with. But do we have evidence that Kubfan134 was bald as a child? Well, no.

But! We do have evidence of what Cub looked like in his 'youth!' As far as I'm aware, this skin goes unused. (Don't quote me on that, if it does get used, can someone please tell me where? I really want to know the story behind this one.) Also, we have no evidence Cub didn't have hair as a child so I win.

Wanna know who else has a hairless head? The villagers! (And also potentially Xisuma. Could you imagine?)

Still not convinced? Look above their eyes. What do you see? Eyebrows. There's only 7 hermits with eyebrows (some could be argued that it's actually eyeliner, bringing that down to 4 hermits if you really wanted to) meaning either EVERYONE COLLECTIVELY SHAVED THEIR EYEBROWS OFF or it's more likely a recessive trait. And Ckubfan has that recessive trait. But who else has eyebrows? The VILLAGERS! Well actually, it's a unibrow, but because Cub's are bushy I'm just going to say that maybe villagers grow eyebrows really fast and just keep them well groomed.

But here's one more connection. What was Ckubthan135 infamous for in season 6? No, not golf or vex, his capitalism. Kub was so capitalist he and Scar made money even after closing down Concorp shops and saying "stop giving us money, we're retired." The villagers are also very capitalist, being the only other mob to have a currency and trading system.

"But Mat Pat!" I hear you plead, "if Cub was a villager, where is his nose?!" And to that I say, Villagers are humanoid, right? And Cub has many traits villagers don't. For example, a lack of visible nose, placing and destroying blocks, being able to speak, being well liked by most hermits.

So here's my theory: Cub is half villager and half human.

"But what about the Vex?!" Well my dear viewers, that's going to have to be saved for a part two. I'm sorry, I really didn't want to split this into two parts, but this script is long enough as is.

Speaking of long scripts, let's make this script even longer! So Cub is half villager and half human. But let me tell you, I think one of the hermits may be responsible for his creation. Can you guess who? I'll give you a second.

...

Had a second? Okay, drum roll please! (Table smacking noises.) Mumbo! Mumbo is Cub's dad!

"But Mat Pat! Cub is older than Mumbo!" Or is he? Time travel is an established thing in the Hermitcraft universe, so is rapid ageing/de-ageing. Just look at Scar! If he can go from 30 to 60 between seasons, Mumbo probably can too! (In reverse.)

Let's look at the genetics.

Cub had black hair? Mumbo has black hair.

Mumbo is brilliant at redstone. Perhaps he passed that on?

Their eyes aren't similar at all. Cub's are 2x1 whereas Mumbo's are a single pixel. But villagers have 2x1 eyes. But they're green and Cub's are black. But aha! Mumbo's are black so we're okay!

Both have brilliant facial hair. Facial hair growth is actually reliant on the amount of testosterone you have and given that Cub and Mumbo's voices seem to sit around the same note of A or A#, I wouldn't be surprised if they had similar amounts of testosterone.

So, Cub is a half villager half human who's dad is Mumbo Jumbo himself.

But that's just a theory... A GAME THEORY!!! Thanks for watching!

#hermitcraft #hcraft #hermitblr #hermitcraftheadcanons #cubfan #cubfan135 #hermitcraft cub #mumbo #mumbojumbo #mumbo jumbo #TheScience!#long post #posted 22.04.20 #architech #concorp #convex

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rendiggitydog · 6 years ago

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If you haven’t seen the Tangler 2.0- do that before reading this lol:

"How do I look?"

"Like an idiot." Iskall grinned, rolling his eyes.

"Perfect." Rendog smirked, straightening his belt. "Let's do this. Ready?"

"Three.. Two.. One!" Iskall and Ren pressed their buttons simultaneously, dropping into The Tangler 2.0- This Time, it Takes Two to Tangler.

"My knees! I'm getting too old for this.." Iskall rubbed his knees, taking in the surroundings.

"Oh, poor Iskaww, can't jump into a wittle hole~" Ren mocked him from behind the glass wall.

"Shaddup!"

"So, colors and lamps, eh?"

"And a downstairs!" Iskall pointed out.

"Hmm... Very interesting."

After spending a good fifteen minutes poking around, the pair solved the puzzle by chance, and dropped into the next chamber.

"Haha, success! You were almost cryin' there man, I saw you!" Iskall teased, pumped by their progress.

Ren crossed his arms. "I was not! Besides, the ladies love a man in touch with his emotions."

"Alright, my sign says jump on high note?"

"Mine says jump on low note..."

The two listened for a moment, feeling the beat. "Right, you're a singer, this should be easy."

"What!?" Iskall laughed. "If anything you're the singer! Either way, shouldn't be bad. Let's focus."

They lapsed into silence, hopping in place to feel the beat. Iskall suddenly shot forward, trying to run across the whole course in one beat. Evidently, he ended up on the floor.

"One more go, slow down bro!"

They paused at the start, and then, Ren after Iskall, hopped slowly to the opposite side. "Nailed it!"

"Aced it, can't be stopped!" Ren fingergunned, making Iskall laugh loudly.

"Classic! Oh bro, do you-" His comment was cut short as he tipped over backwards, losing their progress. "Oh."

After spending another 5 minutes getting back to where they were, they turned to the second half of the puzzle. "Same thing, just feel the rhythm."

Concentrating deeply, they synced up, and made it to the opposite end smoothly. "Yes my guy, we were totally psychically in-sync right there! Like a weird best friend thing- Iskall?" As Ren chattered on, he hadn't realized Iskall was gone.

"I dropped to the next room, did you not?" His voices echoed up through the iron trapdoor in the floor.

"Ugh, we need Tango.."

Twenty minutes later, Tango was available to come help them, waking Iskall from his impromptu nap. Finally, they made it to the next puzzle- the armor stand maze.

"Alright, let's do this thing." Iskall yawned behind his fishing rod.

The first half wasn't bad; they quickly worked their way to the second, far more difficult, half.

"Right, so I pull first?" Iskall cautiously pulled the armor stand towards himself, balancing it precariously over the water.

"Good, good.. Now me?" With equal caution, Ren dragged the armor stand back towards himself. Trying to unlatch his rod, he accidentally tipped the stand into the water stream, where it calmly floated back to the start, starkly contrasted by the rage of the two hermits.

"Ren S Dog, I swear-!"

"I'm sorry man, this isn't exactly easy!"

"If I could reach you right now..." Iskall muttered.

"I can hear you!"

—

"Forty. Five. Minutes."

"I'm not even mad anymore, just sad."

Rendog had managed to crawl over the water to Iskall, and the two leaned against the wall exhausted, having let their anger out on the armor stand after completing the challenge.

"I don't even want to keep going. I wanna curl up and sleep forever. Right here." Iskall sighed and rested his head on Ren's shoulder.

"Yeah..." Ren pondered. "Do you think Tango will come find us?"

"Maybe another team will come play, and save us. At least we have enough food."

"Yeah, 'cause you're gonna eat it all!" Ren teased, poking Iskall's stomach.

He laughed and slapped Ren's hand away. "Hey! Rude!"

"I'm not wrong though."

"Whatever!"

Nearly two hours later, Tango got concerned they hadn't escaped yet. Using the utility entrance, he crawled through the corridors, peeking into each room, searching for the missing hermits.

"Aha! What happened to you two?" Tango dropped through the ceiling, discovering a strange scene. Rendog had donned the armor from the stand, while Iskall used the stand as a shield. They faced each other, armed with fishing rods as weapons, primed for battle until Tango dropped in.

"Oh thank goodness you're here Tango! A second later and Iskall would've been dead!"

"As if! I was going for the kill this time!" Iskall called humorously.

"What happened to you guys! You know there are more rooms, right?"

"Yeah, well, we were really upset after this room," Ren shrugged, taking off his helmet.

"So we just kinda gave up. I did take a great nap though!"

"Oh good? So, did you wanna come with me, or should I leave you here?" Tango chuckled at his joke, but stopped when he saw Iskall's expression. "You're not seriously considering-"

"I'm out, let's leave Iskall here for dead!" Ren bolted for the hole in the ceiling.

"Hey! You jerk!" Iskall sprinted after him, sliding through the gap just as Ren slammed it shut. Their footsteps faded away, leaving Tango trapped in silence.

"Well.. At least I have you, right, Mr. Stand?"

#hermitcraft #rendog #iskall #tangotek #the tangler was the Best #change my mind #rae writes

19 notes · View notes