#thank u melatonin my best friend melatonin

[malikep]

lets take melatonin.... together

[calxide]

⸻ SLEEPLESS NiGHTS 💤

kazuha x gn!reader | 500+ words ; no pronouns used for the reader. i, literally, cannot sleep so i wrote this fic pls help. written in lowercase. not proofread pls just let me sleep already. words: milk, punch are mentioned. sleeping tgt. god when will i have this. just pure fluff, some brainrot, and definitely no sleep for me.

“i can't sleep.”

it's past two in the morning, yet here you are, standing in front of a dazed, closed-eyed kazuha — a plushie in your arms, blanket on your shoulders, and an oversized pajama.

kazuha tried his best to force his eyes open. but he fails, so he just sends you a smile.

“come in.” kazuha almost hit his head on the doorframe when he turned around to make way for you to get in.

you plopped yourself comfortably on his sofa. “sorry, i had a terrible sleeping schedule last week. now, i can't get it out of my system.”

you've been pulling all-nighters last week because of the hell-stack of schoolworks you had to do, and now, you couldn't bring yourself to sleep, so you decided it's best to show up at your best friend's door at 2 am since you live in the same building anyway.

kazuha chuckled and went to the kitchen. “milk?”

“sure… i'll take anything to make me pass out.”

“a punch then?” he joked.

“why not?”

a few minutes later, he comes back with two glasses of milk in his hands. “here you go, sleepyhead.”

“you're the sleepy one here, dummy.”

“fake it til you make it, they say,” he joked and took a sip from his glass.

as soon as you both finished drinking, kazuha offered to bring it in the sink. after a while, he came back with a blanket enough to fit you two in—enough to cover the sofa you were sitting on.

you raised an eyebrow as if asking what's his plan for the night. kazuha simply shrugged, sat beside you again and covered you.

the blanket was fluffy. it was warm to be under the blanket, and even warmer with kazuha by your side.

you noticed him drifting off. kazuha has been a victim of your sleepless nights for quite awhile now, but he doesn't seem to mind. sometimes he'd ask you to tell him stories so your problems would come off your chest, sometimes he'd be the one to tell tales for you to fall asleep.

but tonight, kazuha's clearly tired, he's completely dozing off. his head was hanging and you're worried he might actually fall off the sofa.

“you can sleep on my shoulder, you know,” you whispered your offer. “or like, just lay your head on the sofa.”

without thinking much, kazuha immediately made himself comfortable using your shoulder as his pillow. you wondered if he had forgotten you were the one who he was supposed to help fall asleep.

although, you don't really mind. sometimes, it's not bad to lend a shoulder to a friend, literally.

you and kazuha just stayed like that for who knows how long — it was quiet, the comforting kind, with the only source of noise coming from the air-conditioner.

you examined his peaceful sleeping face. kazuha looked beautiful as he always does.

you smiled as you felt your heart flutter. ah, silly thoughts.

“good night, kazu,” you mumbled.

you planted a kiss on kazuha's hair, then laid your head on top of his. yawning, you finally felt the melatonin kicking in. and so, you drifted off to dreamland.

kazuha shifted his position a bit and smiled as if he was dreaming. “sweet dreams, y/n.”

NOTE hello hahahahaha 5 months in in 2024 and im back just because my eyebags are insanely bad and i havent had an 8-hour sleep since god knows when (exaggerated but u get my point) plzzz wait for me school is almost done. thanks hope i can fall asleep now... p.s. i havent written anything for so long now so i apologize...

[ssparksflyy]

Hey Hello! I would like to request some headcanons of Leo V. With a children of Hypnos or Dionysus, thank you!

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

leo valdez dating hcs "(っ- ‸ - ς)ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

pairing: leo valdez x child of hypnos!reader warning(s): swearing probably idk i just put it in case now an: honk mimimimimimimi

yall remember that scene in frozen where anna is like "the sky's awake, so im awake, so we have to playyyyyy" and shes trying to wake up elsa? yea. thats leo.

he CANNOT sleep. ever.

his hyperactive ass is always trying to gogogogogogogo!

and youre just like lemme sleep ;(

you try your best to stay awake to be out and about with him

he greatly appreciates it and downs like four melatonin gummies with a cup of coffee so he can finally knock out with you

( coffee reduces hyperactivity for people with adhd 👍👍 )

but ohmygod those days when he gets ideas early in the morning ugh

TURN THE SELENA OFF IT IS SIX IN THE MORNING YOU CAN CLEAN YOUR WORKBENCH LATER

has taken quite a few pillows to the head

but hes fineeeee hes still livingggggggg

mmmm he snores.

leo frickin snores

usually thats a normal human thing

but hes got that latino dad snore

house shaking, earth shattering, loud enough to make you deaf

( my friends and i call it the mexican dad snore because all our dads snore like that 😭)

as of right now its still developing

it still hasnt reached full dad snore

its like in lion king when simba cant roar

it comes with age okay

when his melatonin gummies kick in they kick IN okay

passed out no return

(god i need sleep like that)

im telling you hes either bouncing off the walls or dead

he tries to fight the sleep so badly sometimes

and hes GOOD at it

i honestly dont know how some of yall go days without sleep but hes one of those people

literally falling asleep as hes walking talking about "im fine!!"

NO YOURE NOT GO TO SLEEP

but then like one hug from behind and a small kiss on his neck from you is enough to make him give in

hes literally so weak when it comes to neck kisses bye

folds like a blanket

leo sleeps without a shirt but then has some of the funkiest pajama pants ever

all different kinds of designs and stuff

he REFUSES to be basic and wear those christmas checkered red pants whatever theyre called

but that entire genre of pants.. disowned. refuses to wear them

(no hate btw im literally wearing those pants as i write this)

has made sure u have the COMFIEST bed EVERRRR

hes installed like heaters, a cooler, the mattress is flexible (like in those commercials), the pillows are super soft, everything! absolutely everything!

honestly he doesnt seem too much like a plushies guy but at the same time he does

he has like one and its matching with you but like he stays loyal to that plushie and that plushie only

best cuddler tho ♡

he loves being able to hold you but sometimes he wants to be held too :(

a literal godsend during the winter honestly

no need for a heater when youve got mcshizzle over here

you gotta tough it out during the summer though

he feels so bad cause he doesnt want you to be warmer than it already is

but then you tell him you dont mind, just gotta have the ac on full blast !!

oh how i love leo valdez

[secretewagmaterial]

Glow-Up & Weight Journal:

TW: Please do not read this if you're struggling with an ED or any sort of mental health issue. This is not an ED account, this is my personal weight and glow up journal

Day # 7

Weight - 210.7 lbs.

"I won't cry for you, my mascara is too expensive"

Hello tumblr!

We're so far in it's insane! I haven't been this consistent in ages, I swear the pandemic fucked me in the brain. My friend L has been a huge help today honestly (love u L) because I've been rethinking some stuff about my life. You see, I'm pursuing a degree in accounting at the moment but before the pandemic I had originally wanted to pursue law. Me and L talked (L is smart as shit but dumb too but I love them) and I decided to continue with pursuing accounting but I'll try to pursue law afterwards since they go hand in hand.

On another note! I went on a walk to the shop early this morning and bought some red bull's (sugar free 8oz), my fav crackers, toothpaste, and some cookie mix for my sister. I liked the walk but it was quite cold with some strong winds that knocked down a lot of things in my neighborhood. After my walk I decided to start on laundry and read. Something I wasn't prepared for though was my mom dragging me to do errands for her which ok,, cool.

Went to the mall with her and god I swear I looked like an idiot. We made a return and then stopped by a store ya know, the usual. I did buy some stuff today though at a different store. Found 7 jeans for $55 which was a steal but I'll be returning one since I don't like how it fits. My friend C agreed to go shopping with me after his midterms which makes me so happy since he rarely agrees with my financial decisions (fair).

After the mall trip I noticed I got my period which is like right on time but I'm thankful it came once I was home. This does make sense because I barely ate today due to the nausea I feel. Something that people don't understand is the fact that my nausea is so bad I can't even smell food without feeling like puking.

On to the next thing, I drank my second red bull at like ,, 7PM? and now its 11:30PM and I can't sleep :/. I danced off the energy earlier but wowza,,, how am I awake? Oh, almost forget to add that I reached all of my rings today on my apple watch! WOOOO

It be like that though so let's goooooo

Me and C had a big convo about how much we mean to eachother and it made me feel like I need to do more to fix myself. The weight loss, the facial stuff, the money stuff. It's all to ensure I'm the best me not only for myself but for the people around me too. I'll suffer to reach my goals to reach this.

That melatonin is hitting now

Bbbyyyyeeeee~

[compassionatereminders]

hi hi !! is it alright if i vent ? TT i’m quite exhausted keeping this to myself,, and i don’t want to tell my friends because i don’t want to be a burden to them,, thank you !!

last week, i went to a psychiatrist because i haven’t been feeling well. i have trouble focusing, i’m more forgetful than usual, and my sleep schedule is a mess. i wanted to get help because it’s affecting my studies and daily life. i suspected i had adhd bc i identified with the symptoms,, so i talked to the psychiatrist about that,, but while i was answering her questions i realized the problem was with my mother,, that i’ve been scared and anxious about her. i didn’t answer questions about her truthfully and only said half-truths because i was in denial about my mother,, and i felt like i was betraying her by labeling her as the cause of my problems.

after the session i wasn’t diagnosed with anything but they gave me a prescription for melatonin to help me sleep. after the session my mom called to ask about what happened in the session. she was very furious and mad. she said that i was just making all this in my head, and i was just doing it for attention. she didn’t buy me the melatonin but instead bought food for me “to stop being overdramatic”. after that day i began feeling very very scared and anxious. everytime she talks to me or when i hear her voice my heart starts palpitating, everytime i see her my chest tightens, everytime i’m in her presence i have trouble breathing and i feel like i’m choking. at first i tried to fight it,, tried my best to be affectionate and be back to normal,, but i couldn’t do it. whenever i tried to i felt like something bad was gonna happen and i felt like i was going to have a panic attack. so i locked myself in my room and spoke less. i didn’t want to cause more trouble by spontaneously having a panic attack. i feel guilty. i feel guilty and ashamed for feeling this way about my mother. she’s a single mom who’s working hard to take care of me and my brother, and she’s trying to be strong despite her toxic and unsupportive family. but at the same time i knew it was bound to happen. whenever i cry and tell her what’s bothering me she always says that i’m being overdramatic and that everyone has problems. she never was there to comfort me, instead she was the one to made me feel worse about myself. that whatever i’m feeling is not real. yesterday morning she finally got fed up with me locking myself up in my room and being quiet and she yelled and screamed at me, again saying that i’m being overdramatic. that i’m making things harder for her. after she went to work i had wave after wave of anxiety attacks. she came home crying, because she was upset over the whole situation. and now we aren’t talking.

i don’t know what’s going on anymore. i can’t tell if i’m right or wrong in the situation. or am i fabricating what i feel for attention. it’s so blurry that i can’t tell the lines anymore and it’s giving me a headache. but i’m not faking it, right? i wouldn’t give her more problems, i don’t want her to feel more burdened. i love her so so much. maybe i was wrong. maybe it was selfish of me to ask for help from a psychiatrist because it would make her feel like she wasn’t enough as a mother.

i want to go to her and apologize, but i’m scared that i might have another panic attack. i don’t know what to do,, what do you think i should do ?

i’m sorry for this being so long T^T and for trauma-dumping. but i saw how comforting and understanding u were to peoples’ concerns and i wanted that too,,, thank you so much for reading this until the end TT you are an angel,, truly. i hope you have a nice day and all your meals are delicious !! <33

- 🐧

If you were faking your problems you'd know. Faking requires active intent and effort, so if you were actually faking all of this you'd be fully aware of it. Instead, it sounds like your mom is attacking and invalidating you to the point of emotional abuse - and I'm so very sorry that you have to deal with that on top of everything else. It is very likely that your mom's behavior towards you has triggered or worsened your mental health issues - and I encourage you to keep seeking out treatment even though she disapproves and to be honest with your psych about what's going on at home. Not being able to deal with emotional abuse doesn't make you a bad child - and no matter what your mom has been through in the past, it doesn't justify hurting you.

[namjoonxorg]

BTS as Things My Friends Have Said Part Three

“You passed out from the flu vaccine? You’re not special sweetie” (Hoseok)

“Just saw a girl on tiktok waxing her friend’s vagina... no thanks...” (Namjoon)  “Are you saying you wouldn’t do that for me?” (Seokjin) “Yes I am.” (Namjoon) “Fake friend.” (Seokjin)

“Witches can’t accept jesus.” (Seokjin)

“I hate gays because I hate myself.” (Jungkook)

“I may be stupid, but I’m not dumb.” (Namjoon) “Debatable.” (Yoongi)

“!! Fuck the surveillance state !!” (Jungkook)

“My mom lost our elf on a shelf...” (Taehyung)

“If I killed someone would you be surprised?” (Jimin) “Yes.” (Yoongi) “Yes!!” (Taehyung) “Thank you :)” (Jimin)

“You know it’s bad when T.J.Maxx isn’t safe anymore” (Seokjin)

“My new theory is that LGBTQ actually includes straight art girls.” (Seokjin) “Straight art girls are the true ally” (Taehyung)

“I missed a lot but yeah Grace is a bottom” (Yoongi)

“well noodle man wasn’t very domineering” (Taehyung)

“What does this mean?” [a picture that matches my personality best with Remy the Rat’s] (Taehyung) “That you’re a top” (Jungkook)

“No dick no balls and kind of funny looking” (Seokjin)

“Turkey won’t be the only thing being slaughtered on thanksgiving😤😡🍽️“ (Seokjin)

“Means more coming from lesbians” (Yoongi)

“Ruin! Thanksgiving! It’s a racist colonizer holiday anyway!” (Namjoon)

“Instead of slashing someone’s tire you muffin it... a muffin hate crime” (Taehyung)

“Can I use my graduation tassels as a belt?” (Hoseok)

“Girlfriends that take anti-depressants together stay together” (Yoongi)

“These melatonin gummies taste so good” (Jungkook)

“I hate capitalism. Fuck capitalism” (Yoongi)

“I love you and our future titty art.” (Namjoon)

“VAGINA ART” (Taehyung)

“Can I be a menorah instead of a tree, John?” (Hoseok)

“I either die or shit my pants in this world... or both...” (Hoseok)

“Marie kondeez nuts.” (Jungkook)

“I should snort my next round of meds” (Jimin)

“SHES GAY YOUR HONOR” (Jungkook)

“u can listen to ur news i’ll be listening to my harry potter podcast😎“ (Jungkook)

[k0dzukwen]

JELAOUS MATTSUN <3 (yes I am very much a desperate whore for him ) -Maka

oh...okay...here u go...i guess.. (i could barely find any decent gifs of this man....)

Jealous!Matsukawa x Reader

Character Pairings: matsukawa x fem!reader warnings! hint at degrading names wc: 394 Words You hadn’t seen your best friend in about 2 years..So after all that time, Why is your boyfriend so..jealous? You noticed the way he was looking at you, he was practically gawking at you. It’s not your fault your friend was overly funny, like it was hilarious. He was so oblivious to how much he was making you laugh. “Oh sorry miss...you’re kinda small so I didn’t see you”, You threw your head back laughing, you were laughing so hard you leaned a little too far back in your seat . Next thing you knew you were falling. It was like everything was moving in slow motion you saw Mattsun get up but felt someone catch you. Looking up you met eyes with your friend, “That was a close one huh? Wouldn’t want you to get hurt would we?” he smiled which made you tense up and start to feel nervous, you weren’t nervous because of him but...because of Mattsun. Once he helped you up Mattsun walked over smirking, “Well Well Well! Looks like the lame excuse for a prince saved MY princess...Thank you for that!”, he put a hand on your friends shoulder practically overflowing with jealousy, “I think it’s about time me and my girlfriend left! Right?.” Your face instantly scrunched up, crossing your arms you said, “I haven’t seen F/N in like 2 years! Its’s only been 3 hours!”. His smirk melted off his face as he turned serious, “It’s time to go Y/N.” his voice was firm and low, you quickly got up and apologized to your friend.  “You are such a brat Y/N” Those were his first words he’s gonna say after leaving...Seriously? “Why? Because I was genuinely having fun and you ruined it...”, You scoffed and looked away from him. You were mad at him for being so dramatic, if it was him he would feel the same way... “You’re a brat because you did that on purpose..you attention-”. You immediately stopped walking, Did he really... You look at him face contorted into a frown, “Don’t finish that if you don’t wanna be single...”. He smirked at you and leaned in snaking an arm around your waist. “You aren’t leaving me my love, you’ll be mine forever” He took a finger and lifted up your chin, “I’m too jealous to let you go...” ((i’m probably gonna redo this because the grammar is probably VERY off...I took melatonin and i’m about to PASS OUT but was determined to get this req done

[00250]

So I keep finding an INCREDIBLE fic and oh??? It’s you?? Well makes sense naturally so I decided to binge all of the fics of yours I haven’t read yet and they are all so Wonderful! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! You’re a great writer my favorite in this fandom if not in general, wish u best in life

HI!!!!!!!!!!!! okay let me set the scene. it’s this morning. i wake up. i am very groggy because i took my melatonin way too late last night. i check my email and see archive telling me i have kudos. i open it. i start crying immediately bc its so long.

anon you are so brave. u read some old shit. u read my s*pernatural fics. i have spent the entire day smiling because of this message!!!!!!! thank you so much??? im sitting here like 🥺🥺🥺🥺 the fact that u read So Many and then took the time to come to my tumblr and send me this message?? ridiculously sweet. I LOVE YOU, MY FRIEND!!!!!!!! thank you so much for your kind words i hope u have the best day in the whole world

[jecngs]

                it’s  ya  girl  𝒅𝒓𝒊  (nineteen,  she/her,  pst  but  i’m  in  the  philippines  for  two  weeks  so  that’s gmt+8 !),  a  soft  edgy  born  with  a  name  that  means  "dark  one  of  the  lord"  on  friday  the  13th  !  if  you’re  meeting  me  for  the  first  time,  some  fun  facts  are  that  i  have  the  incredibly  dangerous  combo  of  high  ambition  and  poor  time  management  and  i’d  Risk  It  All  for  a.c.e,  ateez,  and  loona  !  so,  anyway,  here’s  my  poor,  poor  girl,  miss  amelia  !  why  i  did  her  so  dirty  is  a  Good  Question  i  do  not  have  the  answer  to,  but  let's  plot  !

* ╱  𝑸𝑼𝑰𝑪𝑲 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑻𝑺

𝗕𝗜𝗥𝗧𝗛  𝗡𝗔𝗠𝗘:  amelia  christine  jeong   𝗡𝗜𝗖𝗞𝗡𝗔𝗠𝗘:  lia,  li,  call  her  amy  and  she’ll  beat  u  up   𝗔𝗚𝗘:  twenty   𝗗𝗢𝗕:  november  29,  1998   𝗭𝗢𝗗𝗜𝗔𝗖:  sagittarius  sun,  aries  moon   𝗢𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡:  bisexual   𝗢𝗖𝗖𝗨𝗣𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡:  actress

* ╱  𝑩𝑨𝑪𝑲𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑫

         ♡   daughter  of  edith  byun  and  christopher  jeong,  two  major  players  in  broadway  (and  later  on  the  film  industry),  she  was  practically  famous  in  the  industry  before  she  was  even  born.  it  was  without  a  doubt  that  she  was  anticipated  to  be  nothing  short  of  talented  and  successful  once  she  popped  out  of  the  womb!  imagine  legendary  dance  couple  keone  and  mari  madrid’s  child  but  if  they  both  had  a  reputation  akin  to  idina  menzel  or  lea  salonga.  that’s  basically  lia.

        ♡   with  this,  her  parents  unfortunately  succumbed  to  public  pressure  and  wanted  to  ensure  that  their  daughter  would  meet  these  expectations.  to  fall  short  would  be  the  greatest  misfortune  on  her  reputation,  and  they  simply  would  not  have  that.  was  it  the  healthiest  mindset  to  have  raising  their  first  and  only  child?  lmao  no,  but  it’s  the  mindset  that  came  with  the  fame  they  had.  eyes  would  be  on  her  the  moment  she  came  into  the  world,  so  she  had  to  be  everything  the  public  wanted  her  to  be.

        ♡   a  few  months  before  lia  was  scheduled  to  be  born,  her  father  was  cast  in  the  us  tour  of  miss  saigon  (pretend  there  was  one  in  1998),  and  it  overlapped  with  the  due  date!  he  was  supposed  to  be  performing  at  the  pantages  for  a  few  weeks  in  that  general  timeframe  of  when  her  mom  could  be  going  into  labor,  so  they  took  a  risk  and  just…  moved  to  los  angeles  because  he  wasn’t  going  to  miss  the  birth  of  his  child!  so  ever  since  she  was  born  she  resided  in  the  hollywood  area!

        ♡    she  was  homeschooled  for  a  majority  of  her  childhood,  but  ur  a  Big  Fool  if  u  thought  it  was  by  her  parents!  they  were  incredibly  busy  with  their  own  careers  so  she  had  a  nanny  and  a  homeschool  teacher!  and  to  be  Quite  Honest  her  nanny  was  more  of  a  mother  to  her  than  miss  edith  could  ever  be!  to  lia,  her  parents  were  more  like  a  dream,  a  fantasy,  some  sort  of  ethereal  beings  —  untouchable.  [cue  parental  longing]

        ♡   despite  how  much  the  media  loved  to  talk  about  amelia  and  her  parents,  she  didn't  actually  get  to  see  them  all  that  often!  they  loved  her,  there's  no  doubt  about  it,  but  they  didn't  exactly  know  to  express  it...  despite  being  acclaimed  performers  SGKSDJGHDS  so!  basically  in  lia's  mind,  succeeding  meant  getting  love  from  her  parents  because  they  always  seemed  to  pay  the  most  attention  to  her  when  she  was  doing  something  impressive  —  they  loved  to  show  her  off  to  their  colleagues  like  some  sort  of  dog  who  can  do  tricks.  lia  ate  up  this  "love",  though,  because  there's  nothing  that  beats  the  glimmer  in  their  eyes  when  they  watch  her  perform.

        ♡    lia  took  private  lessons  for  everything  ranging  from  acting,  voice,  and  dance!  fun  fact:  she’s  classically  trained  in  several  dance  styles,  such  as  contemporary,  jazz,  ballet,  tap,  and  hip  hop!  she  was  basically  set  to  follow  her  parents’  footsteps  with  all  of  this  training.  she  played  several  child/teen  roles  in  musicals  thanks  to  her  family,  and  it  was  an  almost  effortless  kickstart  to  her  career.

        ♡    when  she  was  high  school  aged,  lia  was  admitted  into  la  county  school  of  the  arts,  but  she  wasn’t  there  for  long.  despite  growing  up  being  taught  how  to  handle  lingering  paparazzi  and  answer  questions  interviewers  sent  her  way,  she  was  never  quite  taught  how  to  handle  the  Hell  that  is  high  school.  she  wasn’t  accepted  well  into  the  social  climate  and  was  frequently  bullied  and  judged.  they  didn’t  believe  that  she  worked  to  be  there,  she  was  only  there  because  of  her  parents.  they  didn’t  actually  know  anything  about  her,  but  they  made  these  assumptions  that  eventually  led  to  her  pulling  out  of  school.  she  had  been  excited  to  finally  see  what  it’d  be  like  to  make  friends  of  her  own  —  friends  that  weren’t  just  fed  to  her  because  of  who  her  parents  were.  she  didn’t  know  that  same  fact  would  make  it  all  the  more  difficult.

* ╱  𝑪𝑨𝑹𝑬𝑬𝑹

        ♡    she's  a  theatre  kid  through  and  through,  and  that's  all  i  have  to  say  about  that!  lia  grew  up  adoring  the  theatre,  not  only  watching  the  shows  her  parents  were  casted  in  but  almost  every  single  one  she  could  become  an  audience  to!  it  was  to  no  surprise  when  the  public  found  her  in  minor  and  supporting  roles  as  a  child,  and  it  was  pretty  much  expected  for  her  to  become  one  of  the  next  big  names  in  broadway  —  she  was  anticipated  to  make  the  Big  Move  to  new  york  once  she  got  her  footing  in  the  industry!

        ♡    as  time  progressed,  she  continued  to  pursue  theatre,  slowly  taking  on  more  mature  roles.  every  now  and  then  she  would  be  given  television/film  offers,  but  it  was  more  of  a  side  gig  at  the  time.  theatre  was  truly  what  she  was  passionate  about.  even  though  it  was  a  profession  forced  on  her,  it  was  no  lie  that  she  actually  enjoyed  it.

        ♡    she  began  to  develop  her  own  fame  outside  of  her  parents  around  the  time  she  was  seventeen/eighteen,  with  a  supporting  role  in  an  independent  film  that  garnered  pretty  notable  success.  around  this  time,  her  parents  invested  in  a  publicist/agent  just  for  her,  a  relative  of  edith  who  was  also  involved  in  the  industry.  it's  true  when  they  say  it's  bad  to  mix  personal  affairs  with  business  because  things  began  to  take  a  bit  of  a  turn  for  miss  lia!

        ♡    her  pr  team  was  really  big  on  transforming  her  the  Big  Name  everyone  expected  her  to  be,  all  the  while  creating  an  identity  completely  separate  from  her  family  where  she  can  thrive.  and  that’s  exactly  what  they  did.  they  created  an  identity.

        ♡    she  had  a  love/hate  relationship  with  being  associated  with  her  parents.  on  one  hand,  it  was  a  burden  having  to  constantly  live  with  the  expectation  of  being  just  as  successful  as  them,  but  on  the  other,  it  fueled  her  fantasies  of  being  the  dream  family  she  had  always  wanted  them  to  be.

        ♡    they  stressed  the  importance  of  whom  she  associated  with,  they  slowly  transitioned  her  out  of  theatre  and  immersed  her  completely  into  the  film  industry,  lining  her  up  for  roles  that  would  eventually  become  quite  memorable.  they  took  who  lia  was  and  restructured  her  as  they  saw  fit,  and  lia  went  along  with  all  of  this  because  they  constantly  reassured  her  that  this  was  what  was  best  for  her  career.  she  didn't  want  to  go  against  family,  for  to  ruin  any  connections  with  her  parents  would  be  a  step  closer  to  losing  them  completely,  so  she  played  along  in  this  role  made  just  for  her.

        ♡    her  brain  eventually  became  fine  tuned  to  see  relationships  as  “how  can  this  benefit  me?”  rather  than  actual  companionship  which  Sucks  bc  she  totally  wants  friendship  —  she’s  always  craved  it  —  but  in  the  back  of  her  mind  there’s  always  this  lil  checkbox  where  she  has  to  get  something  from  this  which  is  Not  Healthy  but  she  doesn’t  know  what ��to  do  about  it  because  she’s  in  too  deep  to  change  anything

        ♡    she’s  become  so  detached  from  her  individuality  and  become  the  rising  starlet  her  team  shaped  her  into.  she  hasn’t  been  in  a  musical  production  in  a  long  time,  so  it’s  as  if  they  ripped  a  major  part  of  her  identity  away  from  her.  but  i  guess  that  was  the  plan  all  along.  i  don’t  wanna  say  that  her  mom's  cousin  has  some  lingering  resentment  toward  her  due  something  along  the  lines  of  always  living  in  her  shadow…  but  her  mom's  cousin  has  some  lingering  resentment  toward  her  mom.  it’s  just  cleverly  disguised  because  lia  is  technically  thriving  when  you  look  at  it  from  the  outside.  inside,  she  yearns  for  her  past.

        ♡    in  the  past  few  years,  she’s  been  conditioned  to  want  the  world.  she  thinks  she  is  owed  it,  but  this  sentiment  is  also  fueled  by  her  longing.  she  has  this  hunger  for  success  that’s  highkey  kinda  unhealthy!  she  isn’t  even  capable  of  discussing  these  things  with  her  parents  because  they’re  all  busy  all  the  time!  her  team  would  tell  her  to  say  yes  to  projects,  pr  stuff  including  false  articles  later  debunked  just  for  the  publicity,  whatever  works!  she’s  been  forced  into  this  addiction  for  attention  but  it’s  pretty  much  a  result  of  her  channeling  the  negative  energy  toward  her  career…  to  help  her  career?  but  in  a  way  that’s  detrimental  to  her  own  health.  her  sleep  schedule?  fucked  up!  she’s  ruining  herself  from  the  inside  out  and  she  doesn’t  want  to  admit  it!

        ♡    her  sentiment  toward  her  public  identity  is  akin  to  lottie  person  of  the  snotgirl  comic!  who  she  is  interpreted  as  on  social  media  isn’t  the  whole  truth.  she  posts  as  if  she’s  under  careful  watch  because,  well,  she  is.  anything  her  team  didn't  like  simply  didn't  cut  it  and  was  deleted  almost  immediately  followed  by  a  sharp  scolding.  "image  is  everything"  is  one  of  the  many  sentences  ingrained  into  her  mind.  an  effortless  kind  of  everyday,  that's  what  she  was  supposed  to  be.  idk  how  to  explain  it  well  but  u  know  those  instagrams  where  it  looks  super  casual  but  is  probably  super  planned?  yes?  idk  in  my  head  she  has  an  instagram  feed  like  hyulari  or  pameluft  where  it  looks  rly  normal  but  it's  rly  pretty

        ♡    i'm  trying  to,  like,  put  it  into  words  what  her  persona  is  perceived  as,  but  it's  something  along  the  lines  of  a  person  you  think  you  know  but  you  really  don't.  you  see  her  posts,  you  see  who  she's  with,  where  she's  having  coffee,  but  who  is  lia,  really?

        ♡    clearly,  this  entire  situation  can  get  extremely  overwhelming!  the  melatonin  she  takes  to  help  control  her  sleeping  habits  also  gifts  her  with  the  side  effect  of  irritability,  so  there  have  been  times  when  she  “slipped  up”  and  Snapped!  her  fans  are  quick  to  defend  her,  however,  claiming  she’s  tired  and  needs  rest,  or  place  blame  on  the  individuals  who  dare  disrespect  her  privacy  and  personal  space. 

        ♡    scandals  are  also  something  she  isn’t  immune  to.  she  frequents  club  and  party  settings  often,  and  rumors  often  circulate  about  her  activities,  but  it's  easy  to  shift  blame  on  bad  influences.  her  image  isn't  exactly  squeaky  clean,  but  hey,  as  her  team  likes  to  say,  "total  prudes  don't  get  attention"

        ♡    people  who  work  with  lia  either  love  her  or  hate  her,  there's  really  no  in  between.  she's  friendly  or  stuck-up.  some  believe  she's  ungrateful,  maybe  they're  onto  something.  she  doesn't  cause  trouble  on  sets,  but  people  love  to  make  assumptions  about  this  girl  whose  identity  they  can't  seem  to  crack.  but  they'll  be  damned  if  they  don't  see  her  come  in  every  morning  with  a  smile  on  her  face.

        ♡    if  it  wasn't  clear,  she  despises  the  identity  she’s  forced  into!  it  feels  like  a  role  she  has  to  play  almost  24/7,  and  she’d  easily  give  it  all  up  if  it  didn’t  mean  losing  everything  good  that  came  from  it.  she  missed  the  girl  she  used  to  be,  the  girl  anyone  could  easily  approach  to  talk  about  their  day.  she  doesn’t  know  amelia  anymore.  she  hasn’t  been  amelia  for  a  long  time,  only  lia.

        ♡    she  learned  recently  that  the  contract  with  her  team  is  set  for  a  renewal  soon,  which  prompted  a  crisis  within  lia.  to  terminate  the  contract  would  mean  freedom,  but  at  what  cost?  spicy,  stay  tuned.

* ╱  𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀

        ♡    lia  and  her  relationship  with  her  own  identity  has  definitely  affected  her  personality  and  how  she  portrays  herself  even  when  she  is  at  her  most  comfortable

        ♡    my  base  inspiration  that  Started  It  All  for  lia  came  from  me  watching  a  stephanie  soo  vlog  KSDLHGDSG  so  yea  she's  like  this  likable,  kinda  loud  and  blunt  personality  but  that  comes  more  as  a  surprise  to  people  who  get  to  know  her  because  she's  been  molded  into  having  a  more  suppressed  type  of  character  —  friendly,  but  never  too  much

        ♡    for  the  sake  of  her  sanity,  i'm  gonna  say  that  she  still  holds  on  to  her  personality  in  fear  of  becoming  too  absorbed  by  her  public,  consumable  image,  but  there  are  times  when  she  confuses  the  two.  she  can  slip  up  and  say  something  a  bit  too  blunt  in  an  interview  or  find  herself  holding  back  with  her  close  friends.  she's  essentially  become  a  blend  of  her  true  nature  and  her  public  image  where  it's  almost  the  same  thing

        ♡    incredibly,  incredibly  insecure!  lia  does  not  have  a  hold  on  her  own  identity,  so  even  the  smallest  things  will  make  her  question  everything!  she  constantly  wonders  if  there’s  a  party  happening  that  she’s  not  invited  to,  if  people  like  her,  if  people  are  gossiping  about  her.  so  many  aspects  of  her  current  identity  have  been  conditioned  to  be  close  enough  to  genuine  that  she  actually  doesn’t  know  what’s  real  anymore.

        ♡    she  can  be  a  little  bit  manipulative  if  it  comes  down  to  her  career.  she  doesn’t  really  mean  it  but  she  can’t  help  it  at  this  point!

        ♡    if  she’s  friends  with  someone,  even  if  it’s  for  some  symbiosis-type  relationship,  she  will  play  into  that  role,  she  will  act  as  if  it’s  real.  even  if  she  doesn’t  believe  it,  she  wants  to  believe  it  because  she  also  is  unsure  if  she’s  capable  of  real  feelings??!  she  thinks  she’s  devoid  of  emotion  but  she  just  …  doesn’t  think  about  it.  like,  she  doesn’t  want  to  admit  to  herself  that  she  cares  about  people  bc  she  knows  the  Ugly  side  of  her  brain  will  hyper-analyze  the  relationship  and  find  ways  to  sabotage  it  for  herself  to  the  point  where  she  can’t  enjoy  it  anymore  —  so  i  guess  it's  safest  for  her  to  think  that  this  really  isn't  her!  coping  mechanisms  let's  roll  out!

        ♡   she’s  definitely  had  her  fair  share  of  significant  others  in  the  past,  but  they’ve  been  mixed  into  a  bag  of  a  bunch  of  pr  relationships  (she's  had  so  many)  so  she  doesn’t  know  if  she’s  capable  of  actually  loving  someone.  it!  all!  seems!  fake!  but  she  definitely  craves  affection  and  will  try  to  find  it  wherever  she  can.

        ♡    tldr  she's  actually  a  nice  gal,  outgoing,  caring,  but  she  can't  help  but  think  that  she's  a  robot  because  she  thinks  too  much  about  how  people  see  her

* ╱  𝑭𝑼𝑵 𝑭𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑺

       ♡    super  prone  to  asian  glow

       ♡    loves  anything  peach!  peach  soju  with  yakult  is  her  favorite  alcoholic  beverage,  peach  is  her  favorite  color,  but  she  doesn't  like  actual  peaches???  make  it  make  sense

       ♡    credited  as  lia  jeong  in  everything.  feels  weird  if  someone  addresses  her  as  amelia  if  they're  not  reading  an  official  document  or  really  close  to  her.

       ♡    feels  a  strange  connection  to  "the  i  love  you  song"  from  the  25th  annual  putnam  county  spelling  bee

       ♡    her  favorite  film  genre  to  work  on  is  definitely  romance  because  it's  fun  to  pretend  to  be  loved!  coming  of  age  is  a  close  second.

[anonthenullifier]

Alone for the Holidays

Summary: Vision discovers the holidays are very different when half the team is on the run.

Word count: 4k

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17069387

Wishing everyone a peaceful holiday season. 

Vision always finds hovering above the stairs is preferable to physically stepping, a preference that is amplified in this moment as it allows him to focus on balancing the stack of boxes in his arms. If he were to step down it is possible that the weight distribution would shift ever so slightly as to unbalance his carefully arranged load leading to an unpleasant outcome. Hovering efficiently removes such nuisances.

“You know you can take more than two trips, right?”

Sage advice that Vision typically follows, but each descent into the storage room tonight has led to an increased weight in his chest, one he desired to stymie by reducing the number of trips. Which is why he is unable to see his companion from behind the wall of boxes in his arms. “I did not wish to unnecessarily draw out the process.”

Though he cannot see him, the tone of Rhodes’ “Fair enough,” conveys an image of the man’s characteristic nod and shrug he utilizes whenever readily accepting someone’s reasoning. “Come on over and learn the system.”

“Of course.” Vision slowly squats as he places the last of the boxes on the ground next to Rhodes’ wheelchair and then stands to attention as he awaits further instructions.

“Alright, so this one,” Rhodes points towards a pile on the coffee table of opened and partially sorted boxes, several stray pieces of tinsel clinging to the tape residue on the flaps, “is for the tree. This one,” a new pile that looks almost identical to the other one minus the tinsel is on the chair Vision uses when playing chess, “is for the halls and common area.”

There is a third stack, located on the couch, where all of the tape has been cut and the flaps delicately folded shut again. “And these?”

“Those need to go back in storage.”

Vision feels foolish after asking as the answer would have been apparent had he simply stopped and applied logic before speaking. “Oh yes, I recall now.” Given their former teammates are still internationally wanted fugitives, it was determined that any object or decoration traced to the rogue Avengers should be kept in storage. Invoking the old adage of out of sight, out of mind. Yet Vision is not certain hiding it will truly remove all thoughts of their friends. Or at least, it has not done so for him, the compound’s silent rooms an ever present reminder of the schism.

“We should probably just get this over with.” He suspects Rhodes feels similarly, though they have not spoken about it. It is a hunch predicated on the knowledge that both of them have put off decorating the compound until it was unavoidable. “Want to take the tree or the boxes?”

Neither is particularly enticing or meaningful since this is only his second holiday season and he still lacks the traditions so deeply embedded in his teammates, so Vision chooses what he believes Rhodes would prefer. “I can sort the rest of the boxes and then aid you.”

“Sounds good.” A pang of guilt stabs Vision’s chest as he watches Rhodes’ onerous ascent from his wheelchair, the exoskeleton Stark crafted for him still in beta testing and prone to giving out unexpectedly. It is amazing to Vision how unperturbed Rhodes is most of the time and how, besides their first conversation post Leipzig, he has never lashed out at Vision for what happened (unlike Tony, who has done so on a handful of occasions). It doesn’t mean Vision allows himself leeway in accepting responsibility for what occurred, but it does help him breathe easier knowing there is no ill will between himself and Rhodes. “I’ll need your help towards the top, I’m not climbing that ladder.”

“Understood.” The year before, when everyone was present, including Tony in an askew Santa hat and a drink in his hand as he directed everyone’s decorating, there was music streaming from the surround sound and a fake fire crackling on the television. Wanda stayed with Vision in the kitchen, stirring the hot chocolate and spiked cider, commiserating with him about how odd all of the traditions were to outsiders such as themselves. Now it is silent minus the clink of ornaments and rustle of tinsel as Rhodes works on the tree.

Vision isn’t sure if this paradoxically weighty hollowness overtaking his limbs is normal, a topic he will need to investigate more tonight once Rhodes has retired, the past several nights introducing him to the possibility of seasonal affective disorder, though he has yet to have Helen test his melatonin levels. Vision tries to shrug the feeling away, or at least ignore it for the time being. So he begins his task, slowly forming a rhythm of running the box cutter through the tape, opening the box, and then sorting it to the appropriate pile. The process is fairly quick, his impeccable memory about where all the decorations went the year before means he doesn’t need to investigate beyond the top item in the box. That is until he glances at the contents of the second to last box. The glittery and cheerful golds, reds, and greens of the other decorations have been replaced by shiny whites and blues. Something in his chest seizes and he can’t stop his fingers tracing the dreidels printed on the crinkly paper of the string lights. The year before, long after all the holiday parties were thrown and gifts given, Wanda had confided in him that she didn’t actually celebrate Christmas. Vision, for a reason he had not been able to fully understand back then, felt a deep desire to honor her heritage and had gone to a local store to buy an assortment of, what he hoped, were acceptable decorations for Wanda. She had hugged him tightly and made him promise he’d help her hang them the next year. Only now it is a year later and he is folding the box shut and stacking it with the other off-limit decorations, somewhat concerned at the faint tremor of his hands as does so .

“Can you help me out?”

The request draws his mind back to the present, hands smoothing out his sweater as he turns towards Rhodes, “Gladly.” Vision studies the pattern and placement of the string lights on the bottom of the tree as he takes the dangling, sparkling bulbs from Rhodes and flies carefully around the tree to finish. Rhodes passes the rest of the decorations, occasionally directing Vision (in a much more subdued fashion than Stark did the year before) on the placement of the garland and ornaments.

Vision lands next to Rhodes once the star is affixed to the top of the tree. “It’s um,” the man next to him studies the large evergreen, one that could easily be placed on the cover of a magazine and will soon be on the covers of all newspapers and news sites, “a bit impersonal.”

“It is.”

Amongst the boxes in the pile going back to the basement is the vast array of personalized, garish ornaments the team traditionally gifts each other. Tony had insisted they put up the ones for the three of them, but Rhodes and Vision agreed it would only draw more attention to the missing members. What is left is a gorgeous albeit meaningless tree. “You doing okay, with all of this?”

The question is quiet, almost remorseful - whether because it is out of obligation or because he is worried about stepping on Vision’s toes is difficult to discern. “I believe so,” which is not entirely true, but is what Vision believes is socially the most acceptable answer.

“You’re still welcome to come to my sister’s, she won’t mind.”

It’s an offer Vision truly appreciates despite having no interest in accepting. “I believe it is mandated in the Accords that at least one Avenger must always be on the premises.”

This line of reasoning has not stopped Rhodes from pestering him, and it likely still won’t, but Vision can’t muster a better acceptable explanation for his refusal. “I doubt anyone would know if it was empty for a few days.” The truth is that no one realizes when the compound is empty because Vision is the only one who is consistently there to notice. “I just,” Rhodes sighs, hands waving in an attempt to convince Vision to change his mind, “I hate to think of you alone for the holidays.”

“I appreciate your concern,” Vision offers a brief, friendly smile that hopefully conveys his genuineness, “but I will be fine.”

Rhodes inhales deeply, seemingly contemplating if he continues to push on the matter, but then his chest deflates soundlessly as he accepts Vision’s decision. “Okay.” A shrug sends away the last of the concern from his voice, replacing it expertly with a more lighthearted topic, “Please tell me you remembered to order the backup sweaters for tomorrow.”

The sweaters Tony ordered for the annual Avenger Christmas card are...questionable at best, caricatures of their faces with Santa hats on with The Accordions embroidered underneath. “Yes, I have them in my quarters.”

“Thank God.” There are still half a dozen boxes of decorations left for the hallways and windows, yet Rhodes rubs his hands together the way he usually does when a task is complete. “I think we can finish the rest tomorrow, I’m kind of tired.”

Vision wonders if it is the same tiredness he has been feeling since the fallout of the Avengers. “I believe we only need the tree for the picture.”

Rhodes nods, eyes glistening from the glow of the trees, “Alright.” This is how each evening ends between them, at least when Rhodes is at the compound, very little interaction, awkward silence, and then one of them (typically Rhodes) extricates himself from the situation. “Goodnight, Vision.”

“Goodnight, Rhodes.”

Alone, standing in front of the tree, Vision searches for anything similar to his first Christmas: the awe that filled him each night when he would hover in front of the tree while the others slept, the confusion he experienced at each new tradition he was introduced to, and the warmth that bloomed from the sheer joy of the people around him. Unfortunately, he comes up empty handed.

Deciding that brooding is not the most productive use of his time, Vision glides to the couch, rearranging the closed boxes based on size and weight into a well-balanced, easily movable stack. Once it meets his specifications, Vision transfers the boxes back into the storage room, strategically placing each one on the shelves to take up the least amount of space, a real-life game of Tetris minus the disappearing lines. He would have lost the game, however, as the last box should have been placed third, its size and shape more parsimonious for the position than the one he put in its place, yet he failed to do so. Instead he slowly re-opens the box, sifting through the decorations as a gloom seeps deep into his vibranium cells. Had so many things been done differently, words been exchanged, or perhaps words been kept silent; some emotions kept in check while other, more useful, emotions were followed; actions withheld or even actions completed (he still cannot bear to think of the multitudinous options he failed to consider at Leipzig to stop the fight earlier), then this box might not be shoved into the darkness of the basement.

Vision closes the box, careful not to tear any of the delicate papers inside, and slides it onto the shelf. At this point he should retire to his quarters, or at least move to a more suitable location in the compound. He doesn’t move, however, eyes remaining on the brown wall of the boxes as his mind works.

 There is a knock at the door. Wanda ignores it, certain it’s the guy from two doors down coming back drunk, yet again. Another knock and she rolls over, tugging the sheet up higher, body strongly disliking the stark temperature difference between day and night in the desert. A third knock and a painfully polite “Wanda?” jolts her out of bed, her powers flickering in the darkness as she pulls her sweatshirt towards her with one hand and closes the curtains over the window with the other. She steps in front of the door, hand poised over the knob as she sends a tendril of scarlet to confirm she wasn’t dreaming. She wasn’t. Wanda yanks the door open with a, “Vizh, what the hell are you doing here?”

“I-” this is not her normal response to seeing him, but this is also not a planned rendezvous, something they both agreed should be avoided in case other factors, like their teammates being around, would create a perilous situation. Vision seems shocked at her ire, his human disguise faltering around the eyes as she watches his irises spin. “I um wanted to bring you this,” he holds out a box to her, as if that should be answer enough.

The hallway is empty, thankfully, but there is no guarantee it will remain that way. “Just, come in.” Wanda steps aside to allow him to enter the tiny space, which is about half the size of her room at the compound, if she wants to be generous in her estimation. With the door shut and the lights on, she is torn between her desire to hug him, always elated to see his face, or scold him for misusing her coordinates given his demeanor doesn’t suggest there is any real emergency. “Vision, what’s going on?”

A quick assessment of potential sight-lines to the outside precedes the disguise dissolving into his crimson and silver visage, a sight she misses daily. Vision turns towards her, lips pursed and eyes incapable of settling on any one object. “Rhodes and I were decorating the tree for the Christmas photo tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

She is waiting for him to tell her the compound burned down or the tree somehow crushed Tony (she can hope). “It was,” a long, timid pause breaks up his sentence, a realization dawning on his face that is soon followed by a frown and flick of his eyes to her, “I feel quite foolish now.” Which confirms there is no emergency.

“Vizh,” a squeeze of his forearm draws his eyes to her, his embarrassment bursting in the air around them, “I won’t judge you, you know that.”

He sends her a sheepish, appreciative smile, “I know.” Another long pause and three breaths is what he needs to continue. “It was very disheartening to partake of such an activity without you and the rest of the team.”

A hairline fracture forms in her heart at the sorrow swirling in his eyes. “It’s always hard to celebrate without everyone you care about.” The hollowness and confusion she senses in Vision’s mind is one she knows intimately. The holiday season has long been something she tries to avoid, as best she can, wrought with reminders of all that’s been lost, of times when she didn’t have to stare at the empty seats at the table or feel the absence of the pressure of arms wrapped around her or hands gripping her own as they prayed. After their parents died, she and Pietro found one way to cope was to adopt their own traditions, taking only small pieces of their parents with them. It worked, for a time, until they just stopped celebrating other than occasionally eating Hanukkah gelt and lighting a candle in remembrance on particularly difficult nights. Last year, her first without her brother, almost destroyed her, even with her vain attempts at sidestepping it by simply not acknowledging her roots, because if the holiday doesn’t exist then it can’t haunt her. Unfortunately that’s not how it works, all the parties and the shows, the cheesy movies on television and the songs on the radio, the cards plastered to the fridge of happy, smiling families, all serve as reminders of how very much alone she is. It all leaves a bitter taste in her mouth - one she hopes doesn’t develop for Vision, his own experiences still so new to be sullied already.

“It’s not foolish Vizh,” she grips his arms and waits until his gaze meets her own, her voice developing a firmness that he won't dare to counter with any of his logic, “at all.” She wants to reassure him more, explain how she can’t make it through the season without at least three breakdowns in the privacy of her room, but the tears are already building in her eyes and she knows she won’t make it through the explanation, especially with the way he is looking at her, head cocked in empathetic concern. Wanda directs the conversation down another avenue. “So what’s that?”

“Oh, right,” they both stare at the box in his hands, “I did not want to renege on my promise.”

Wanda’s eyebrows lift as she grabs the box, inviting him to sit on the bed with her as she pries open the container, the sight of the overly commercialized, slightly tacky decorations he bought the year before shattering the dam of her tears which fall in time with her shallow, disbelieving laughter, “Vizh, you’re ridiculous-”

“I apologize for-”

“No, no no,” she puts the box on the ground and grabs his hands, hoping to convince him she’s not upset, “I mean it in the best way possible.” More laughter comes unbidden from her mouth, her reaction confusing to herself but she imagines it is even more confounding to the man next to her, how she can be crying and laughing all at once. “You flew all the way to Marrakech to give me this at three in the morning.”

Vision’s mouth quirks up into an uneasy smile as his eyes search for more information from her face, “I admit it was not the most well-thought out plan but it felt enormously important to do so.”

“What are you hoping to do with this stuff?”

He contemplates her question, his flimsy plan falling apart at the seams the longer he studies it, and she knows if he could blush that his cheeks would be turning beet red right now. His explanation comes out in a quiet, stuttery mess. “I, um, thought we could possibly, if you are amenable and interested, um, decorate your room.”

“Natasha is going to be here in four hours.”

This seems to confuse him even more, his brow knitting around the Mindstone as if her comment is in a foreign language that he is unable to translate using the internet. “Yes and I have to be back to the compound in the morning for pictures. I do not think it will take more than that.”

One the the main rules of being a fugitive is to travel light and keep only the smallest of personal mementos to reduce the risk of someone inadvertently learning too much about you. It means that Wanda knows she can’t keep the decorations, if they were to be discovered, there’d likely be questions which could lead down a dangerous road. There is no reason to tempt fate and risk losing her contact with Vision. At the same time, however, she’s unexpectedly excited at the prospect of decorating. “I suppose we could put it up and enjoy it for just a little bit.” The smile on his face is mesmerizing, his cerulean irises twisting joyously at her decision. “But you have to take it all back with you, understood?”

“Understood.”

Eagerly Wanda stands from the bed, holding her hand out to help Vision up, knowing full well he doesn’t need the aid, but he obliges, gripping her hand as he stands. “Okay, let’s see what we have.” It’s a small box and it takes them longer to decide where to put the Star of David garland and dreidel lanterns than it does to actually hang them. As Wanda fixes the angle of the lights, Vision places a cardboard cut-out menorah on the coffee table before stepping back to admire their work.

“It is not as much as I remember buying.”

Wanda rolls her eyes at the regret lacing his words, curling her fingers around his wrist and pulling him backwards until he sits with her on the bed. “Good thing this place is so small then.” They’ve grown closer in the months of clandestine contact, but not close enough to still the flutter in her stomach as she lifts his arm so she can snuggle into his side, a rush of victory to her chest when he hugs her to him. “Thank you for this.”

“You are most welcome.”

A snap of her wrist turns the overhead lights off, allowing her to more thoroughly enjoy the soft and pleasant glow emitted from the lanterns and the way it reflects off the vibranium on Vision’s face. “Are you feeling better?”

He nods, “I am, though it is always lonely whenever I leave you.”

An irrefutable statement. “I miss you too.” 

Wanda smiles as he draws her closer, nuzzling into the crook of his neck, an action that encourages him to lay his cheek on her head. Several minutes pass in companionable silence, only the synchronization of their easy breathing disturbing the quiet. She contemplates staying like this, cozy in his embrace, but she also, given his motivation for breaking protocol, feels a need to probe just a bit more. “Vizh?” His hmm? buzzes happily against her head. “Is anyone going to be around the compound for Christmas?”

“No,” which is what she suspected. “Rhodes has invited me to join him at his sister’s house.”

The way he says it brings to mind a shrug, the intonation of the words dismissing the concept before it is even fully formed. “Why don’t you want to go?” Wanda knows the answer, has turned down multiple offers in her lifetime to join random (or not so random sometimes) families in their celebrations. 

Vision inhales deeply, her own body rising and falling with his steadied breath. “I worry that I would merely be intruding. Given their ages and closeness, I imagine there are numerous deeply ingrained, unspoken traditions and normative expectations." 

”You don’t want to feel like a stranger or risk unintentionally ruining anything.”

”Precisely.”

What social etiquette dictates is she argue against this reasoning, because she knows Rhodes and his sister would likely understand, have already accepted this possibility with the invitation. But Wanda has been that stranger, has seen Vision be that stranger for a large part of his existence. “Then don’t go. Or,” she does have one good memory of crashing someone’s holiday, last year the Bartons invited her out a couple days earlier than the rest of the team. It had the same strangeness, but it faded quickly due to how welcoming and understanding they all were of her situation, “maybe just go for a couple hours and see if you enjoy it?”

Vision’s nod shakes her head, his fingers cinching into the fabric of her sweatshirt as he considers the amended proposition. When he speaks it is quiet, a bit nervous, but filled with a renewed hopefulness. “That is a fair suggestion but I was actually wondering, even though we have a planned excursion in early February, if you might possibly be available to meet before the New Year -," the more flustered he gets the higher her smile climbs, "I, um, given that Rhodes and Tony will be gone from Christmas until the New Years Eve party, no one will notice my absence.”

The plan for Wanda is to travel with Natasha to Belarus where they are being joined by Steve and Sam for a rare week together. Technically it should be deemed too risky to even consider his offer, but technicalities are never her main concern. Wanda wraps her arm around his waist and squeezes him closer, an eager smile gracing her lips, one she isn’t sure he can see in the dim lights. “I’m sure I can sneak away for a day or two.”

“Fantastic.”

Life has taken a lot from Wanda, sometimes through her own decisions, sometimes due to outside forces she can’t control. After Pietro she had accepted that, even surrounded by teammates, she would always feel alone for the holidays. Somehow, however, the thought of spending time with Vision partially fills the hollowness of that fate, and maybe, if they can manage to keep going in this direction for years to come, neither of them will have to be alone again. “It is.”

[lenstudy]

get to know me uwu

hey guys :)) i was tagged by @showerystudies @lexdesk and @zudies (sorry i might’ve missed someone)

rules: answer and tag followers you’d like to get to know better

i. nickname: len is the main one aha my name is aleenah

ii. gender: girl

iii. astrology sign: scorpio (i am a textbook scorpio)

iv. height: 5′8!!! very proud

v. sexuality: i don’t really put a label on it but bi :))

vi. hogwarts house: slytherin (i am a textbook slytherin as well)

vii. favourite animal: i love cats and dogs and bunnies and otters and bears and stuff idk theyre all so cute and innocent and deserve the world

viii. average hours of sleep: i had SUPER bad insomnia but lately i kinda just told it off and now im sleeping 6-8 hours although sometimes i do get like 2-5 (thank u melatonin pills)

ix. dogs or cats: cats n i have similar personalities but i luv dogs as well

x. number of blankets you sleep with: anywhere from 1-3 and a million pillows

xi. dream trip: new york (where i grew up) w my boyfriend n our best friends

xii. dream job: lawyer lawyer lawyer like a RICH lawyer or alternatively a princess

xiii. when i made this account: a few weeks ago??? im about to hit 1k its crazy hi new followers i love all of you n am in the process of following everyone back

xiv. follower count: over 950 but cant remember

xv. relationship status: have boyfriend <3

xvi. favourite colour: all of em but there are some i really like like pink n off white n light blue n stuff

xvii. lipstick or chapstick: chapstick, blot, lipstick - on school days i usually just put lipbalm on cus moisturizing is good but theres this neutral pinkish lipstick i LOVE and thats my go to when i do wear lipstick which is fairly often as well

xviii. 3 favourite foods: i love all food <3 but my most common cravings are like sushi, pizza, burgers, chipotle, thai (i know it says three but suck it)

xix. song stuck in your head: https://spoti.fi/2D9O3EU such a calm, soothing song - skip to like 0:15 if u think it’s bad at first

xx. last song you played: currently listening to that song ^ soundlessly in the wind like lost souls

xxi. top 3 tv shows: a lot but currently rewatching friends n b99!

xxii. book you’re currently reading: sapiens by yuval noah harari, east of eden by john steinbeck, and like 6 others on the waitlist cus i picked em up from my schools free books table

xxiii last thing you googled: hm idk lets check ok its “origin of going postal”

xxiv. time: 9:18 pm

thank you sooo much to everyone who tagged me!!! i tag @blackcatsstudies @minlucent @wordsnnblues @thn-mnt​ @booksaroundmeg​ @golden-studying​ @sttudycorner​ @golden-studying​ @study-harder​ @au-tumnal​ @golden-studying​ @materscience​ @primrosestudies​ @mythicstudier​ @artemissstudies​ @caffeineandaccounting​ @cactusandacoffee​ and literally anyone who sees this !!! i wanna tag so many people but im not sure of like e x a c t usernames and tumblr is being a butt but yes please if u see this on ur dash do the thing and tag me !!!

[harringrovecryptid]

Tagged by: @goblin-after-dark (Thank you so much!!!)

The rules are: u have to answer with 5 things u like about yourself, publicly. then, send this to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)

1. I like my writing. It’s a really great outlet for me and I love when I fall into a “zone” where I feel like I can’t write fast enough, like the characters are talking on their own and I’m just trying to write down what I hear.

2. I love my cooking skills. My favorite things to make are soups that i just slow-simmer throughout the day and add what I think would taste best. I made gumbo the other day and it was GREAT!!!

3. I feel like I’m usually a pretty good friend. I try to be attentive to them and as helpful with their problems as possible.

4. I like my sense of humor. When I was little I wanted to be a stand-up comedian. It’s still on my bucket list to participate in an open-mic night.

5. I love my job. I feel really lucky to have actually found a job within the area I studied for, and to be enjoying it this much. I’m an audiobook Monitor. Which means I run the sound booth and read along with the voice actor to ensure they don’t miss a word or pronounce anything incorrectly. So Basically I listen to books for a living.

I’m gonna tag @roseaque @super-extermination @color-me-cas @pan-shego @melatonin-groove & anyone else who wants to join in! Tag me if you decide to do this so I can learn more about you!!!

[kyunsies]

Oh MAN! I remember watching the mv for All In the first time and I lost it because it was just. incredible. The whole concept is cool and so so spectacularly executed

One of the things that really got to me about WOODZ was him talking about wanting to make music to make people happy and not to compete. That's such a pure and wonderful thought and as a musician it's just like.. that's the whole point! It was so touching. I also watched the special back-to-back interviews they did with WOODZ and his two friends which was so so sweet... 😭😭

Oh oh I also watched a video Changkyun did with baverse back in March of him just driving around listening to his playlist, and that was such an experience - his playlist suited him so perfectly!!! and the last two tracks being Jazz Legends Bill Evans and Chet Baker made me smile so softly!!!!! I probably looked really silly watching it haha, but I LOVE Changkyun and I LOVE Bill Evans

I'm so so glad to hear your day was better today!! I haven't been sleeping well lately so I'm really tired 🥲 but talking to you has been a major highlight of my days recently 💓💗💖💖 - dkbtho

hello angel !!!! BUT YEAH OMG all in is so ,,,,,,, gorgeous beautiful amazing and just stunning cinematography at it's finest !!!! it's so good ;____; and i'm really glad u like it !!!!!!

about the woodz documentary !!!!!! omg yeah :( i think there's something to be said about artists just wanting to make music for music's sake and not the fame bc then it just really shows that it comes from the heart and it's from a place that's really sincere <3 i'm glad u can relate to that on a personal level <3 AND YEAH THE OTHER INTERVIEW WITH KINO AND SEUNGWOO ;______; it was just ,,,, so lovely to see them supporting each other and you can tell they've all been thru a lot with each other :(((( truly best boys ;____;

AND LSFKJSDKLFJDS LISTEN THAT BAVERSE CAR RIDE FOR A WHOLE FREAKING HOUR SLKJFKSLJDF i quite literally ,,,,,, flipped out when i saw that slkdfskfj i actually giffed it if u wanna see it here <3 but like, some of changkyun's music is really questionable sometimes (like the rap/trap he likes just aren't my thing lol) but THE JAZZ CHOICES AT THE END WERE TRULY CHEFS KISS and ,,,,,, u know what we share a common bc ,,,,,, i love him too <3 hehe but that video was such a vibe like it was raining and like changkyun i just associate with the night and he's just so lovely and beautiful GOD :(

my day was much more enjoyable thank you !!!!! i'm really sorry you haven't been able to sleep :( is it trouble falling asleep or staying asleep? have u tried popping a melatonin lol that might help !!! take them a few hours before bed and you'll be sleeping in no time !!!! or do some deep breathing exercises if u want too <3 and PLS SDKFJSDFK this is so kind of you :( it's only bc you took the initiative to talk and it's been so nice getting to know u angel !!!! <3

[gethealthy18-blog]

334: Why We Need Salt (& How Much) With Robb Wolf

New Post has been published on https://healingawerness.com/news/334-why-we-need-salt-how-much-with-robb-wolf/

334: Why We Need Salt (& How Much) With Robb Wolf

Child: Welcome to my Mommy’s podcast.

This episode is sponsored by UpSpring Baby, a company making innovative science-backed products for moms and babies. And I want to tell you about one of their products in particular because even though I’m not even currently pregnant or have tiny babies, it’s been really helpful to me. I really like their Stomach Settle nausea relief drops, which are great for any kind of stomach upset from motion sickness, which I get and a couple of my daughters get, to morning sickness. which I thankfully do not have right now because I’m not pregnant, but any kind of bloating or digestive upset at all. I love to keep this on hand and my kids like them too. They help relieve nausea, motion sickness, gas, bloating, and any kind of digestive upset. In fact, I keep these in my car, in my kind of like emergency kit in each of my cars, and also in my purse just to have on hand because tummy aches can be a thing when out and on-the-go. Their lemon-ginger-honey flavored Stomach Settle drops contain not just one but three natural remedies for digestive upset, ginger, spearmint, and lemon. Plus, they contain vitamin B6 to help relieve occasional nausea, motion sickness, gas and bloating. Their ingredients are micronized, meaning that they provide faster-acting relief, and they have been really helpful, like I said, especially for motion sickness. They’re individually wrapped. They’re great for on-the-go, and I was able to negotiate a discount just for you. You can check this out at upspringbaby.com/pages/wellnessmama, and the code wellness10 saves you 10%.

This podcast is sponsored by BLUblox. That’s B-L-U-B-L-O-X, which is an advanced light-filtering eyewear company. You’ve probably seen pictures of me on social media wearing orange glasses of various types at night. And here’s why. In nature, we aren’t exposed to certain types of light after dark, specifically, blue light, because that type of light signals the body that it’s daytime. That in turn suppresses melatonin and can interfere with sleep. This is the reason that a really dramatic study found that camping for seven days straight with no artificial light at all could actually completely reset and heal circadian rhythm and help a lot of light-related problems, like seasonal affective disorder. This is also the reason that I wear orange glasses after dark to block these types of light and protect my sleep, which I am adamant about protecting. I also wear certain types of yellow glasses and anti-fatigue glasses during the day if I want a computer to reduce eye fatigue. BLUblox has orange glasses and yellow glasses. Their orange glasses for nighttime wear are designed to block 100% of the wavelengths between 400 nanometers and 550 nanometers, which are the ones that are studied to interfere with sleep and melatonin production, and circadian rhythm. My kids also wear these kinds of glasses at night. And I noticed a difference in their sleep as well, which is a huge win for a mom. This is especially important when we’re watching a family movie at night or looking at any kind of screen as the artificial light, there is a source of blue light and can interfere with sleep. You can learn more, they have a ton of educational content and check out all of their innovative protective glasses by going to blublox.com/wellnessmama and using the code wellnessmama to save 15%.

Katie: Hello, and welcome to the Wellness Mama Podcast. I’m Katie from wellnessmama.com. And this episode is with one of my good friends on a topic that I think is increasingly important, especially for women, and that is salt intake. Because we haven’t gotten the correct story. And limiting sodium, especially in certain scenarios, can actually be a little bit harmful. So, I’m here with Robb Wolf, who is a former research biochemist. He’s a health expert and author of the New York Times Best Sellers “The Paleo Solution” and “Wired to Eat”. He’s been the review editor for the “Journal of Nutrition and Metabolism” and the “Journal of Evolutionary Health”. He serves on the Board of Directors of Specialty Health Medical Clinic in Reno, Nevada and as a consultant in the Naval Special Warfare Resilience Program. He is a former California State Powerlifting Champion and is a purple belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. He is extremely active and has been researching areas like low carbon keto dieting and sodium intake for a really long time. And he goes really deep on the science of this, and the practical applications of why women, especially potentially pregnant and breastfeeding women, might need a lot more sodium than we’re being told that we need. Really fascinating episode. I know that you will enjoy it as much as I enjoyed recording it. So without further ado, let’s join Robb. Robb, welcome. Thanks for being here.

Robb: Hey, huge honor to be here. Always glad to bring down property values.

Katie: Oh, well, you are so much fun to talk to. And you are an expert in a topic that I’ve been reading quite a bit about recently, which is all things related to salt and sodium intake. So I feel like to start broad, a lot of people are aware that salt has gotten kind of a bad reputation. And people are often told to limit or avoid sodium, especially added sodium. So I want to start with that concept that a lot of people seem to think we should be limiting sodium. Is that what we’re actually seeing in the data right now?

Robb: Well, it’s really interesting because when we look at the problems that folks face like cancer is a big deal, autoimmunity is a big deal, but arguably the biggest problem that folks face is cardiovascular disease. And when we start, you know, unpacking that problem, cholesterol plays a really central role in at least that discussion, to what degree it plays a factor in it is super contentious. But one thing that is really well established is that folks with hypertension, with high blood pressure, they definitely are at elevated risk for cardiovascular disease, either a stroke or a heart attack. And this elevated blood pressure is arguably a feature of what’s causing damage to the vascular endothelium.

And what’s interesting is a driver of elevated blood pressure is sodium. But what’s kind of challenging to unpack in that story is over the last 30, 40 years when folks have been put on low sodium diets and we have great randomized control trials on this, like very rigorous science, they will take folks and put them on an extremely low sodium diet and it doesn’t really change their blood pressure much. In some people it does. There are these folks that are sodium sensitive, hypertensive. And in these people we can see a decent kind of up or downtick in their blood pressure based off of what their relative sodium intake is. But this is less than 1% of the population.

So it’s interesting, we know mechanistically, that sodium is important in blood pressure, we know that blood pressure is important for cardiovascular disease. But what got missed in that story is that the reason why the body hangs on to this sodium in the first place is we’re just generally over-eating and maybe over-eating too many carbs. And when our insulin levels elevate, when we become insulin resistant, then we tend to retain sodium. Insulin causes an upregulation in the production of a hormone called aldosterone. Aldosterone causes the kidneys to retain sodium. And so it’s interesting because there is a reason to be concerned about sodium and blood pressure, but it’s not really the way that we’ve been looking at things.

And this is also the flip side when people go on a lower carb diet, whether it’s paleo or keto, or what have you. One of the primary features that we see with that is that people tend to lose a lot of weight very quickly. And this is water weight. And this is the body shifting from really strongly retaining sodium to releasing a lot of sodium. And that’s good from the perspective of improving our cardiovascular risk profile and just generally feeling better. But if that goes too far, if somebody is on a low carb ketogenic diet and particularly if they’re active, what we then need to do is supplement sodium to get them back up to a normal baseline.

And so just in really broad brushstrokes, I think that that’s a big part of the maybe mischaracterization of sodium. And then the other piece is that if we look at eating mainly whole unprocessed foods, there’s not a lot of sodium there other than what we might add to it. But the place that we do get a lot of sodium is from processed foods. And in any way that you cut it highly processed foods are clearly not good for folks. And so I think that to some degree, there’s been both a misunderstanding of the mechanisms of where sodium is problematic, which is mainly elevated insulin levels, but then also guilt by association because sodium tends to go along with processed foods. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that adding sodium to an otherwise healthy diet is going to be similarly problematic.

Katie: So what are we actually seeing in the research based on what you’ve read of how much sodium do we actually need? And I would guess that would vary based on a lot of factors like how active someone is, for instance, or like you said, how much processed foods they’re eating or how many carbs they’re consuming, but are there any general rules of what the data says we actually do need?

Robb: Yeah, yeah, that’s a really good question. And there was a paper that was published three years ago, I want to say, two, three years ago where they looked at sodium intake and all-cause mortality in type 2 diabetic heart patients. So these were the folks that you would make the case that if a low sodium intake was going to benefit these folks and anyone, it should be these people. But what was interesting is what emerged out of this research is what’s called a U-curve. And if on the X axis, the bottom axis, we have amount of sodium consumed, and then on the Y axis, the up and down axis, morbidity and mortality, what we found in this study was that the folks that were consuming 2 or fewer grams of sodium per day had very high morbidity, mortality and this is at or below the levels that most medical professionals recommend. They generally recommend the lower the sodium, the better.

But what was interesting is, as folks in this sick population increased sodium intake out to about 5 grams, that was the lowest of all-cause mortality. So 2 grams was quite dangerous, 5 grams was far less dangerous. And then it was interesting, you had to get all the way out to almost 8 to 10 grams of sodium to have the same morbidity and mortality rates as folks consuming 2 grams of sodium. So what you take from that is that low sodium intake is far more dangerous than high sodium intake in general. And so that 5 grams per day is a pretty defensible place to just start the conversation around, you know, this is probably a safe level to consume, and it’s worth noting, there are some high sodium cultures around the world like Japan and some other places that their average intake is around 10 to 11 grams a day. So it’s significantly higher even than what we’re consuming and they tend to have fewer health problems.

But that’s maybe a way to think about bracketing the low end, you know, somewhere around maybe 4 to 5 grams a day. And again, to your point, depending on activity level and the size of the person and stuff like that, that’s going to dramatically influence the amount of not just sodium but potassium and magnesium and the other electrolytes that we’re concerned with. But it’s interesting if we kind of focus on sodium, a lot of these other things tend to fall into place. But then when we look over at sports medicine, the American Council of Sports Medicine, ACSM, they have some guidelines that depending on the temperature, the humidity, the activity level of an individual, their recommendation start at 7 to 10 grams of sodium per day for folks that are in warm environments, humid environments, or are highly active.

And just kind of anecdotally within the keto scene, Ketogains, folks that I’ve worked with, we’ve seen high motor athletes that are low carb get up as high as 12 to 15 grams of sodium on some very active days. But these are folks that are, say, like doing 3 hours of Brazilian jujitsu and their facility is not air conditioned, and it’s 90 degrees and 80% humidity and stuff like that. But it’s interesting. We haven’t really seen benefit much above that 12 to 15 gram per day level, even in extremely active large individuals. And then we do see, you know, a good case to be made that somewhere around that 4 to 5 grams per day intake levels should be consistent with good health.

Katie: And what are some things that we can look out for? Are there symptoms associated with not consuming enough or with consuming too much? Or how can we gauge individually how much we probably need?

Robb: Yeah, yeah, it’s a really good question. And it’s interesting because blood work doesn’t help us much in this case because the kidneys do a remarkably good job of dealing with different electrolyte levels. And so, folks oftentimes ask if there’s blood work that can be done and if somebody is overtly deficient in like sodium or magnesium or potassium. That can show up but it’s difficult to pin that stuff down from a lab perspective. So we have to go with much more subjective elements: how do you feel, cognition. Some of the common things that people report when they eat lower carb or just in general if they’re lacking in sodium, one of the most common problems is folks will go from sitting to standing, and upon standing, they will get lightheaded, and that’s a really good indicator that the individual needs more sodium.

If they’re feeling lightheaded or kind of dizzy while exercising, that’s oftentimes a pretty good indicator that they need more sodium. Mental fatigue, lethargy, these are pretty common signs of needing more sodium and electrolytes in general. But then the when have you gone too far question? Usually we see a little bit of gastric upset like possibly some disaster pants type stuff, but if folks have to get really aggressive on the supplementation for that to happen, if they kind of sip on their bone broth or their electrolyte beverage or what have you, or if they’re just kind of salting food, that’s usually not a problem.

Katie: Gotcha. Okay. So you’ve mentioned other electrolytes, specifically magnesium and potassium. And I know some people are also concerned with getting enough calcium. Are there any general rules of what sort of ratio we need these in or how to know when we need other electrolytes as well?

Robb: Yeah, it’s a really good question, and the way that we tackle this, we looked at well formulated whole food diets, and looked at the amounts of calcium, magnesium, potassium, and sodium that these largely whole unprocessed food diets provided. And what we found is that they adequately tick the box typically on calcium. They ended up being pretty good but not quite sufficient on magnesium and potassium and then they were quite deficient in sodium. And again, these numbers kind of vary from person to person. We should throughout the course of a day generally consume more potassium than sodium. Virtually all foods unless they’re like fermented and having sodium added to them will typically be much higher in potassium than sodium.

So, again, if we mainly stick with nuts, seeds, fruits, vegetables, meat, shellfish, that type of stuff, the ratios kind of play out pretty naturally, the amounts and ratios, but the one thing that we tend to be a little bit deficient in and that will range from person to person tends to be the sodium.

Katie: Gotcha. Okay, that makes sense. And basically just to recap, so if we all have a baseline need for a certain amount of sodium, but that can definitely increase with things like exercise, being low carb, I would guess sauna use, what about are there any hormonal considerations there? Like, for instance, do women need more sodium at different points during their cycle or during, for instance, pregnancy or breastfeeding?

Robb: You know, interestingly, I don’t know for sure about the specifics around pregnancy, but we actually have a study that’s underway at Vanderbilt looking at sodium supplementation using LMNT and breast milk production. Just anecdotally, we had a just wildfire of folks tagging us on social media. And it was within these kind of breastfeeding mom forums and gals would post like, “This was yesterday’s pump, and it was like a bottle with just a scant amount in it. And then the next day it was three or four full bottles.” And this was striking enough that it got the attention of the Dean of the School of epidemiology at Vanderbilt, she’s an MD PhD, got her attention enough that she was interested in doing a women’s health study around this.

And so this is underway right now. And so it’s difficult to say exactly what those levels are outside of just overlaying what our basic needs are, which is probably somewhere between 5 and 10 grams per day. But it mechanistically it makes a lot of sense that it would help breast milk production because it will increase fluid volume supplementing with sodium. It will encourage you to drink more fluids in general. And interestingly, when we look at some of the functional medicine remedies for, say, adrenal fatigue, HPTA axis dysregulation, increased sodium intake is very helpful because it does downregulate aldosterone. And when aldosterone is produced, it tends to release both epinephrine which is adrenaline and also cortisol. And epinephrine and cortisol are antagonistic towards the production of breast milk.

So, you know, again, I think that one could make the case that just generally sticking within the bounds of what we would consider normal intake, which is somewhere around that, like 5 to 10 gram per day level is probably optimum, but you could definitely make a case that in general a really low sodium diet during pregnancy is probably not a good idea. I guess one problem area would be gestational diabetes and some of the kind of hypertensive state that can occur with that. But you could also really make the case that this is again probably an insulin-driven phenomenon. I don’t know if you’ve had Lily Nichols on the show, but she’s the genius with this stuff. She’s really phenomenal in helping to deal with that gestational diabetes and the preeclampsia and things like that.

Katie: I have not had her on, but I’ll have to add her to the list.

Robb: Oh, she’s amazing. She is amazing.

Katie: That’s really interesting to know. I’d love to understand a little bit more. You mentioned the HPA axis dysfunction. Can you explain for anyone not familiar what that is and why sodium could be a remedy there?

Robb: Yeah, so the HPTA axis…it’s kind of funny within mainstream medical circles, people will scoff at the term adrenal fatigue and this is something that has been in kind of alternative or functional medicine circles for, I don’t know, 30 years, 40 years, perhaps even longer than that. And it’s this kind of complex of symptoms. It’s burnout. You have low energy, tend to be very tired and lethargic in the morning, and tend to wake up more just about the time that you’re ready to go to bed. We now understand that there’s some elements of flipped circadian biology going on there. But the thought was that in that whole Hans Selye general adaptation to stress response theory, was that if an organism is exposed to chronic stress above what they can adapt to, that the adrenals will eventually kind of poop out and they’ll be incapable of producing cortisol.

And over the course of time, what’s really fascinating about this is the specific mechanism of the adrenals failing to produce cortisol is not accurate, but the symptomology of people just being sick is, and so you will find doctors that will argue to their death that adrenal fatigue is a non-thing. But then if you say, “Well, what do you think about hypothalamus pituitary adrenal axis dysregulation?” They will say, “Oh, yeah, well, that’s absolutely a problem.” And they will describe all the symptomology being identical to what we usually…like alternative practitioners have called adrenal fatigue. So it’s kind of an interesting thing where people identified the problem, they had a proposed mechanism of the problem, which didn’t entirely end up being accurate, but it’s still a significant problem that people face.

And the way that sodium helps in that scenario, is that it tends to blunt the kind of cortisol production that is associated with that kind of hyper vigilant and overstimulated, overstressed state. And it’s one of a multitude of things that folks will recommend in the course of helping to improve that adrenal fatigue or HPTA axis dysregulation. But usually that burnout is caused by lack of sleep, either exercising too much, or really chronic stress, a traumatic event. So like PTSD and also traumatic brain injury has a lot of overlap in its HPTA axis kind of arena. There’s a variety of interventions from cognitive behavioral therapy to adaptogens like Schizandra and other remedies, but also sodium ends up playing a really important role in just kind of establishing that baseline for folks.

Katie: That makes sense. For me, I noticed a big difference. I think I’ve probably had a lot of those symptoms a couple of years ago for a burnout and I had to address sleep, and also morning sunlight helped my levels a lot getting outside in the morning. But vitamin C and sodium were both big factors for me in over time regulating that. So I think that’s really, really wise advice. And you’ve mentioned LMNT, but I know we haven’t really explained what that is yet and I would love for you to talk about that. Because I know you have your own story involving learning how much sodium your body needed. And you realized this was a big enough problem that you actually developed a product to help solve it. So talk to us about LMNT.

Robb: Yeah, so you know, in theory, and I hate the term expert, but in theory, I’m fairly well versed in ketogenic diets. I’m a biochemist by training and all that stuff. And I’ve largely eaten this way for about 22 years and generally motored along really, really well, but I do some Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and what I found difficult was fueling the more frisky jujitsu sessions on a low carb diet, and I found that I would need to introduce a little bit more carbs, but then when I titrated carbs up, I didn’t feel as good cognitively. And I just felt kind of stuck in this cul de sac. And then I met Luis Villasenor and Tyler Cartwright. They’re the founders of the Ketogains program. It’s an online ketogenic boot camp and I started kind of stalking those guys and their results are just amazing.

They do a phenomenal job with people and they’re really wonderful coaches. And I managed to weasel my way into their lives and told them what I was up to. And, you know, ask them, “Okay, looking at what I’m doing, here’s my macros. Here’s what I’m up to on my training. What else do I need to do to make things work better?” And they just immediately they said, “You need more sodium.” And I was like, “Oh, no, I salt my food. I’m good.” And like people will have a tendency to do when your coach tells you to do something, you ignore it for a good long time. And so about a year went by and these guys patiently kept saying you just need more sodium, just need more sodium, and then I finally listened to them.

And Luis made the point, he’s like, “Hey, why don’t you weigh and measure and put into Cronometer?” It’s this food logging app. “Everything that you eat, everything that you supplement, and let’s see what your real sodium intake levels are.” And my real sodium intake was below 2 grams a day. So even though I felt like I was salting my food, like I just I wasn’t doing remotely a good enough job. And so initially, I was just salting bone broth and then I was making some homebrews of lemon juice and magnesium citrate and light salt and regular salt. And it was just a miracle. Like, it changed my performance. It improved my sleep. I got leaner. And the only thing that I was doing was improving my sodium intake. And so this was a good three years ago, if not a little bit longer at this point.

And so these guys had already known that sodium was super important and they had been beating the drum on this for a good long time. And so I started really championing this idea around electrolytes, in particular sodium and we actually posted a make-it at home recipe, like use this much table salt, this much no salt, this much, you know, like magnesium citrate or magnesium glycinate, or something like that. Mix it all together, use some stevia and there you go. And this thing just had a stunning number of downloads. Like people loved it. It helped them. But then we started getting tagged on social media posts where it was like, “Hey, Robb, Tyler, and Luis, I was going through TSA today and they didn’t like my three bags of white powder, LOL.”

And so we started kind of putting our heads together and asking would it make sense to do some sort of a convenience product around this, because trucking, you know, white powders around and mixing it and everything is not all that convenient. And we started investigating kind of the feasibility around it and I had a suspicion it would either do really well or just like die like a plane into a mountainside. And so far it’s done really well. And I think part of the reason for that is when people are deficient in electrolytes in particular sodium, when they fix that they feel better really quickly. I mean, within 5 or 10 minutes, it’s a night and day kind of game changer experience. So we’ve had a remarkable amount of buy-in from police, military, fire, new moms, keto advocates, like it’s been really broad and very interesting the variety of people that have been jumping in and giving it a shot and really seeming to benefit from it.

Katie: Yeah, I’m definitely a fan, especially within the last couple of years I spend about 45 minutes a day usually in the sauna. And I notice now if I don’t get enough sodium I have to be very conscious of it because that is quite a bit of sweat and plus I’m now also working out and so I’ve had to start really paying attention to that, and you’re right, it’s amazing. Like I’ve had mornings where I get kind of like a headache and I just feel tired and then as soon as I get my sodium levels up, I feel so much better without even needing caffeine as much.

Robb: Let me ask you this and I want to do it in a non…I try to do it in a non-leading way, do you ever notice different times when LMNT tastes more or less salty?

Katie: Yeah, actually. That’s interesting. I’m drinking it right now. I’m drinking the orange one and it tastes less salty than it will sometimes after like a really intense sauna or exercise.

Robb: So it tastes more salty for you when you sauna or exercise?

Katie: Mm-hmm. Typically.

Robb: Interesting, because we’ve had people report the opposite and so I was trying to figure out if this was a way of dialing in dose where like if your body really needed sodium, maybe you wouldn’t taste it. And then as you started getting enough then you wouldn’t taste it but I guess you could argue that on the flip side of that too, that this was… Sodium is interesting. It’s the only kind of micro nutrient that we have a specific flavor for. Like, we don’t really taste magnesium or potassium or calcium or anything. Like they do have a taste but like one chunk of a whole flavor repertoire is salty. And so I was just curious if there were times where the same concentration, the same mix, like it might feel or taste particularly salty one moment but then, you know, virtually not salty the next.

Katie: That is really fascinating. Yeah, I’d be curious to know as you guys hear from more people if that ends up being the case. What about kids and sodium intake? Because I know you have two daughters and I have kids as well. I know that LMNT can be a great alternative for sports drinks. And I definitely don’t advocate giving children traditional sports drinks that have all kinds of dyes and sugars in them. But are there any guidelines that we know of for how much sodium kids need, especially if they’re active?

Robb: Generally, you just kind of adjust based off of size. And so, like Zoey is 7 years old and what we’ll do is we’ll take one LMNT, which is 1000 milligrams of sodium, 200 milligrams potassium, 60 milligrams of magnesium, put that in about 2 liters, and then split it between the two of them. And then they will sip on that throughout the course of a really active day. Like they’ve been going to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and they get after it like they’re hot and sweaty, and largely just kind of let them self-regulate on that because I will ask them, “Hey, do you want water or do you want electrolytes?” And sometimes they are like, “Dad, I really want water,” and then other times are like, “Man, I really want electrolytes?” I just kind of give them the option there and then let them kind of self-regulate in that way. But we also mix things in a fairly hypotonic solution. It’s not super concentrated.

Katie: Got it. Yeah. And I think that’s…especially with kids, they seem to be very intuitive for the most part about what they need, especially when we’re not talking about drinks that have added sugars that are going to…the body’s going to respond to those in a different way. I feel like that could kind of skew their response to the sodium if they’re also getting sugar and things that are in a lot of the popular sports drinks. But we kind of do the same with our kids and we don’t have…ours don’t do jujitsu anymore but they’re doing pole vaulting. So same thing, they’re very active and very sweaty and they definitely tell me when they crave it, which I thought was interesting. So

So we’ve talked about low carb and keto diets in relation to sodium intake. But this is an area that I know you’ve also done a lot of research. And so I’d love to talk a little bit about that in general as well because these are obviously very popular right now. And there is a little bit of controversy, especially for women if women should be on a low carb or keto diet or not. So I’d love to start there with your take on is the keto or low carb diet safe for women and do we need to adapt it in any way?

Robb: Yeah, it’s interesting and it’s a really controversial topic and I’ve kind of modified my position over time in that I think there are fewer and fewer people for whom a low carb diet isn’t probably a good idea either transiently through the year or as we get older. And the challenges that usually emerge for women in particular with low carb or ketogenic diet is there’s kind of a camp in the ketogenic community that’s almost protein phobic. They’re so focused on producing ketones. They get very, very fat centric, and there’s a concept called the protein leverage hypothesis that puts this idea forward that if we don’t eat enough protein, we will continue to overeat other calories, and it doesn’t matter if you’re low carb or you’re low fat.

And it makes a lot of sense and it kind of explains a lot of what we see where some folks do pretty high protein and low fat, high carb, they do pretty well. Folks that do pretty high protein, low carb, higher fat, they do pretty well. But this middle ground of like low protein and lots of fat and lots of carbs seems to be an absolute disaster. And so, one of the things that we see happen with women is that they will tend to under-eat too much, even though maybe they’re trying to lean out. And then they’re also really under-eating protein. And this can cause stress on the body, it will cause people to overeat. So trying to get that little bit of caloric deficit becomes really, really difficult.

And then the other piece to this is that most of what people ascribe to like adrenal issues, thyroid issues around low carb diets, you could also make the case that inadequate sodium causes the same problems. And so, is it a low carb problem or is it a lack of electrolytes while being low carb that’s really the problem? And one of the things that I kind of default back to is looking at the Ketogains community. These guys have like 150,000, 160,000-person Facebook group, really robust community, but it’s about 70% women, and their demographic is like 35 to 55.

And these gals are just crushing it. Like there’s not loads of people with their hair falling out and they have this problem, and that problem, but they’re very good at making sure that protein is on point and that electrolytes are on point. So I know it’s very anecdotal to point to the Ketogains community and say, “Well, here is people succeeding, you know, this is validation,” but I think it kind of speaks to the potential mechanisms of where the Ketogains folks do a really good job getting things right and then where people can get it wrong and how that could negatively impact female hormones in particular.

Katie: That makes sense. And speaking from my own experience, that is something I noticed as well, those were important factors to get dialed in. And I wouldn’t say I’m by any means keto all of the time. I cycle everything. So I do eat carbs but just not every day. I’m a big fan of not doing anything every single day. But in general, I would say I probably still eat much lower carb than most people, especially anyone on the standard American diet. But I’ve lost a substantial amount of weight in the last year, I think it’s actually close to 80 pounds now. And for me big factors in that where I really had to ramp up protein and be conscious of it. In fact, I was consuming for a long time more protein than I thought I needed.

Like I had to really make an effort to get enough calories and get enough protein in and also the sodium was a big key for me, especially because I was using the sauna quite a bit during the weight loss. I wasn’t exercising during the weight loss, but now I am. And so I found it interesting that with focusing on protein and sodium and being really cognizant of those when I went back to working out, I was able to, for instance, deadlift my bodyweight easily on my first try having not worked out for a year. I think probably protein played a big role in that, obviously, because I was hopefully not losing too much muscle as I was losing the fat.

This episode is sponsored by UpSpring Baby, a company making innovative science-backed products for moms and babies. And I want to tell you about one of their products in particular because even though I’m not even currently pregnant or have tiny babies, it’s been really helpful to me. I really like their Stomach Settle nausea relief drops, which are great for any kind of stomach upset from motion sickness, which I get and a couple of my daughters get, to morning sickness. which I thankfully do not have right now because I’m not pregnant, but any kind of bloating or digestive upset at all. I love to keep this on hand and my kids like them too. They help relieve nausea, motion sickness, gas, bloating, and any kind of digestive upset. In fact, I keep these in my car, in my kind of like emergency kit in each of my cars, and also in my purse just to have on hand because tummy aches can be a thing when out and on-the-go. Their lemon-ginger-honey flavored Stomach Settle drops contain not just one but three natural remedies for digestive upset, ginger, spearmint, and lemon. Plus, they contain vitamin B6 to help relieve occasional nausea, motion sickness, gas and bloating. Their ingredients are micronized, meaning that they provide faster-acting relief, and they have been really helpful, like I said, especially for motion sickness. They’re individually wrapped. They’re great for on-the-go, and I was able to negotiate a discount just for you. You can check this out at upspringbaby.com/pages/wellnessmama, and the code wellness10 saves you 10%.

This podcast is sponsored by BLUblox. That’s B-L-U-B-L-O-X, which is an advanced light-filtering eyewear company. You’ve probably seen pictures of me on social media wearing orange glasses of various types at night. And here’s why. In nature, we aren’t exposed to certain types of light after dark, specifically, blue light, because that type of light signals the body that it’s daytime. That in turn suppresses melatonin and can interfere with sleep. This is the reason that a really dramatic study found that camping for seven days straight with no artificial light at all could actually completely reset and heal circadian rhythm and help a lot of light-related problems, like seasonal affective disorder. This is also the reason that I wear orange glasses after dark to block these types of light and protect my sleep, which I am adamant about protecting. I also wear certain types of yellow glasses and anti-fatigue glasses during the day if I want a computer to reduce eye fatigue. BLUblox has orange glasses and yellow glasses. Their orange glasses for nighttime wear are designed to block 100% of the wavelengths between 400 nanometers and 550 nanometers, which are the ones that are studied to interfere with sleep and melatonin production, and circadian rhythm. My kids also wear these kinds of glasses at night. And I noticed a difference in their sleep as well, which is a huge win for a mom. This is especially important when we’re watching a family movie at night or looking at any kind of screen as the artificial light, there is a source of blue light and can interfere with sleep. You can learn more, they have a ton of educational content and check out all of their innovative protective glasses by going to blublox.com/wellnessmama and using the code wellnessmama to save 15%.

But you’re right. I think a lot of women are really afraid of protein. Are there any guidelines you would give of a good target of how much protein to aim for?

Robb: Yeah, so the kind of benchmarks are literally never below 0.8 grams of protein per pound of lean body mass. Like unless you’re doing something for like a specific therapeutic scenario like cancer treatment or something like that, like outside of some really specific guidelines like that, like a 0.8 grams of protein per pound of lean body mass, you never want to go below that. And we tend to see people do better at about a gram to 1.2 grams of protein per pound of lean body mass. And if calculating that ends up being kind of onerous. A pretty simple way to go is to just try to eat a gram of protein per pound of body weight. And most people will fail in that. But in the attempt of doing it, what they will generally end up doing is eating fewer calories overall because that protein is so satiating, they will tend to reduce their overall caloric intake.

Katie: Got it. Okay, that makes sense. And, you talk about this and I know we did a podcast episode much more about it, I’ll link to in the show notes about “Wired to Eat”. But you talk about this in your book quite a bit as well. And I just thought that was a really interesting point because I now even during weight loss, ate so much more food than I probably was before, that it was not just about reducing calories at all. It was about making sure that I was really cognizant of my macros and where the calories were coming from. But can you go a little bit deeper on that and kind of explain that concept that you go deep on in “Wired to Eat”?

Robb: Yeah, I mean, “Wired to Eat” was really an unpacking of kind of two things. One is the neuroregulation of appetite and how it’s our brain that is really driving the boat on when we are hungry and when we are not. And it’s not just a matter of sticking something in our belly, and that different foods affect folks differently. And this is particularly true on the carbohydrate side where some people like my wife, Nikki, she has phenomenal carb tolerance. What’s interesting is, if Nikki and I sit down and eat, say, like a cup of cooked white rice, her blood sugar will top off about 110 to 115. That’s as high as it’ll get. And at two hours, it’s back down to its fasting baseline.

My blood sugar will get up near diabetic range, it’s like 190, 200. I will have vision problems, I feel terrible. And then when I crash after that, I’m just ravenously hungry. And so what’s interesting and something that is oftentimes just about universally missed is that the folks who do well on high carb diets have blood glucose responses that look like the rest of us on low carb diets. It’s not that they are magically immune to like really huge blood sugar highs and lows, it’s that their body is so efficient at dealing with things they never experience those highs and lows.

And Nikki is interesting in that she will go in and out of ketosis. She doesn’t feel better or worse, one way or the other, whether she’s eating carbs or not, whereas I notice a really, really significant difference being lower carb. And so what that tells me is Nikki is likely much more metabolically flexible than I am. There’s things that I can do like a little bit of fasting, lifting weights, and carb cycling to try to improve that but there’s just kind of a reality that either genetically or epigenetically Nikki is far, far better than I am at dealing with carbs. And so those are kind of the two interwoven features that we really explore in Wired to Eat and use to help inform choices.

Like what are the foods that we’re choosing that for us cause the best satiety, the best ability to eat at the level that is necessary for us? And then, you know, what’s our individual response to foods both with regards to glycemic load and then also potentially immunogenic foods? I don’t do well with wheat or gluten at all. It crushes me pretty badly. And some people don’t do well with Nightshade. Some people don’t do well with eggs. And so we do a little exploration both on the glycemic response, the blood sugar response, but then also kind of the immunogenic response, the potential kind of food intolerances and allergenic type responses that folks have to various foods.

Katie: Yeah, I think there definitely must be a genetic component to that. So you mentioned a few things you can do that hopefully help improve your glycemic response. So I hear from a number of people who eat what would be actually a relatively low carb diet and still will have a higher than they’d like fasting glucose in the morning. Are those things potentially helpful for people like that?

Robb: So in that scenario, there’s this thing called the dawn phenomenon, which in the morning, we have elevated cortisol levels and cortisol will tend to elevate blood glucose levels. What’s important to look at in that scenario is the hemoglobin A1C. A1C is a measure of the average blood glucose over time, not just that singular snapshot. And most of the time, what we find is that the folks who have that, they’re eating low carb, they have what appears to be elevated blood glucose in the morning, but that’s the only time of the day that their blood glucose is elevated if their A1C is low. If both fasting blood glucose is elevated and A1C is elevated, then we have another problem and not infrequently it may be that they don’t have electrolytes on point, which can be a stress that produces cortisol, that elevates blood glucose levels.

Could also be an immunogenic food. Like if they’re eating low carb cheese and dairy are really delicious, really handy on low carb, but they are also really common allergens and folks can experience elevated blood glucose when they get kind of an immune response to foods. But the thing to do is to check that A1C and you can go to your doctor, or you could get that from like a local pharmacy to check your A1C. It’s just a finger prick test in that case. And if the A1C looks good, not really something to worry about. If the A1C is on the higher side, which anything above 5 starts getting me a little bit concerned. I’d like to see it at 5 or below on the A1C, then we can look at sodium, we could look at are you under-eating? Do we have an immunogenic food? Is there a sleep disturbance going on that is causing this other problem?

Katie: Okay, got it. That makes sense. And I want to loop back just to the sodium thing and talk a little bit more about LMNT where people can find it. Of course, the links will be in the show notes. But it’s made a big difference for me. And it’s so much easier than, like you said, trying to mix your own or carry the ingredients for that. And my kids like the taste of the flavored ones as well, which is another plus. But just for anyone who’s listening, let us know where we can find it. And of course, the links will be in the show notes at wellnessmama.fm as well.

Robb: Yeah, yeah. DrinkLMNT.com is where the main site is and we have a great science and resource section there. So like if you want to dig into some of the science and research that kind of supports what we’re suggesting, then we have some great resources there. And then I think all of the social media stuff. It’s, you know, @DrinkLMNT on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook and all that stuff.

Katie: Got it. Awesome. Well, Robb, this is really fun round two. We might have to do a round three one day. It’s always such a pleasure to talk to you. But thanks for all the work that you’re doing in this area and for sharing today.

Robb: Same Katie. I look forward to seeing you in real life. Hopefully we both dodge the coronavirus and we can see each other soon.

Katie: Yes, absolutely. And please tell your family hi for me.

Robb: Will do. Take care.

Katie: Thank you. And thanks to all of you for listening as always and for sharing one of your most valuable assets, your time with us today. We’re both so grateful that you did and I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of “The Wellness Mama Podcast.”

If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/podcast/wired-to-eat/

[cassbeewrites]

1-100 also im personally Offended that u will not let me be gay binch and tag u 85 times........ im requesting a divorce

oh boy okay fuck u 

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? 

pandora does that make me basic

is your room messy or clean?i’m a minimalist with hoarder tendencies. 

what color are your eyes?kind of like a hazel-green

do you like your name? why?i used to hate it but now that i’m older it kind of ? distinguishes me? plus i love the nickname cass so there

what is your relationship status? married 2 u elm, always

describe your personality in 3 words or lessobsessive, destructive, gay

what color hair do you have?light brown but it actually used to be red when i was born! god i miss those days… being an infant, having cute hair….

what kind of car do you drive? color?i have a 2013 subaru impreza hatchback. it’s a rly pretty dark grey with purple undertones and a skeletor decal on the back. literally i love my car 

where do you shop?target. jo-anns. teavana. 

how would you describe your style?i like earth-tones or dark muted colors 

favorite social media accountfacebook?? it’s where i run my cosplay page idk

what size bed do you have? twin 

any siblings?i have one sister but i also have 2 half-sisters and possibly 2 half-brothers who i’ve never actually…. met…..

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?wales. research them arthurian legends. love some pet sheep.

favorite snapchat filter? i rarely take pics of my face so idk maybe the flower crown one?? is that still a thing

favorite makeup brand(s)neutrogena or almay bc they’re hypoallergenic lmao

how many times a week do you shower?realistically, 5-6. ideally……. i would never leave the shower……

favorite tv show?fuck this question i don’t want to think about it

shoe size?9-9.5-10 depending

how tall are you?5′6

sandals or sneakers? mmmmm i do love my hiking shoes but i also love sandals so? both

do you go to the gym? nah my dad is a fitness nut so we literally have like 6 or 7 types of exercise equipment at my house

describe your dream datedying

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?$6 in ones. i handle too much cash during the day to want to keep it in my wallet. 

what color socks are you wearing? …. i’m not

how many pillows do you sleep with?just one

do you have a job? what do you do? i’m a teller at a credit union. i count cash until my fingers are literally black from how gross bills are

how many friends do you have? 0i have like? elma. also a few of my coworkers and some cosplay friends

whats the worst thing you have ever done? be born lol. start writing. learn how to sew. 

whats your favorite candle scent? fresh linen

3 favorite boy names1. Loren2. Liam3. Mothman

3 favorite girl names1. Eowyn2. Ruby (don’t judge me my dog is CUTE)3. Mothman 

favorite actor? leslie odom jr

favorite actress? phillipa soo my gf

who is your celebrity crush?………. leslie odom jr and phillipa soo my gf

favorite movie? right now it’s moana but i love tangled and lotr, unwaveringly 

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? i can’t pick a favorite fuck off

money or brains? ?!?!?!?!

do you have a nickname? what is it? cass, sass, sarcassidy, sketch, 

how many times have you been to the hospital?like twice maybe

top 10 favorite songsjesus christ ok. okay1. Hot Gates by Mumford and Sons2. Whispers by Passenger3. Above / Below by Birds of Tokyo4. Minor War by Birds of Tokyo5. If This Ship Sinks (I give in) also by….. Birds of Tokyo6. I’ll Be Good by Jaymes Young7. Tag! by Scarves8. Despite What You’ve Been Told by Two Gallants9. Young God by Halsey10. Wildflowers by Tom Petty

do you take any medications daily? i’m on that nightly melatonin fix

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)clear. blessedly clear. 

what is your biggest fear? never being someone worth remembering :)))

how many kids do you want? 1. MAYBE 2. or maybe 0? 

whats your go to hair style?Half up, half down. I’m lame

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) my house is actually… pretty big? it’s like. very upper middle class

who is your role model? my old debate coach from high school :’)

what was the last compliment you received?idk elma what was the last gay thing u sent me

what was the last text you sent?“thank u for providing”

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?i had my suspicions as early as 5 but honestly. my mom tells me i have to believe in him for the sake of our dogs because she wants to maintain the illusion that he’s real… for them…. she’s so weird

what is your dream car? actually i’m pretty happy with the car i have. the 2017 imprezas are WAY cute and nice and sporty tho and i would love to upgrade someday 

opinion on smoking?smells yucky. makes our drive through tubes & cash smell yucky.

do you go to college? yes but i am TIRED

what is your dream job?DYING! DEATH AND DYING! being a literary agent actually tho

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? well i actually grew up in a pretty rural area but it was also only like… 15 minutes from a big city and is surrounded by smaller cities. it’s not a bad place to live. very safe and quiet, lots of horses

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? no i have a hair Routine and cannot break it

do you have freckles? no :( I have a few and i have some cute moles tho

do you smile for pictures?no go away

how many pictures do you have on your phone?jesus christ 9,564

have you ever peed in the woods? reluctantly 

do you still watch cartoons? i watch disney movies but like? i think cartoon fandoms are VERY annoying so i avoid them at all costs COUGH stev///en univ//erse

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?chick fil a or die. but i wouldn’t turn down wendy’s or mcdonalds nugs u feel

Favorite dipping sauce?honey mustard fuck me up. chick fil a sauce got me goin too

what do you wear to bed? big shirts!!!

have you ever won a spelling bee?um no i tried bc i’ve always been a spelling hoe and the written portion went well but the speaking portion was an anxiety ridden mess

what are your hobbies?dying. sewing. suffering. cosplay. petting dogs. hiking. being dead. writing

can you draw? i used to draw a lot but fucking jill heiner in 11th grade told me i sucked and i will never forget that

do you play an instrument?i played piano for 12 years and i was never like naturally gifted but i certainly tried my hardest. i haven’t played since i graduated high school 2 years ago tho

what was the last concert you saw? i’ve never been to a concert and may never go

tea or coffee?both but like. there’s a time and a place for both

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?starbucks

do you want to get married?i fear physical relationships 

what is your crush’s first and last initial?V(iktor)N(ikiforov)

are you going to change your last name when you get married? no i’m attached to my initials 

what color looks best on you? greens and dark purples

do you miss anyone right now? my dog :( he’s sleeping in the hall and not in my room

do you sleep with your door open or closed?closed unless my parents are out of town so my dogs can sleep with me

do you believe in ghosts?i believe in mothman

what is your biggest pet peeve? when people acknowledge my physical existence as if i am more than just a semi-transparent blob. also when people call their checking account a “checkings” account. fuck right off it’s not plural and checkings isn’t a word FUCK YOU

last person you called`my mom 

favorite ice cream flavor? pistachio

regular oreos or golden oreos? um if i’m going to spend calories on a cookie it sure won’t be some kind of… prepackaged nonsense

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow 

what shirt are you wearing? wearin a loose knit dress. it’s olive and strappy

what is your phone background?pic of my sweet dog :’)))

are you outgoing or shy?easily irritated and anxious

do you like it when people play with your hair?no

do you like your neighbors? they are what they are

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?i wash it in the shower but if i wash it too much it will dry out

have you ever been high? no

have you ever been drunk? no

last thing you ate? i had a steak burrito for lunch?? that was like 10 hours ago i should probably eat something else

favorite lyrics right now“all i need’s a whisper in a world that only shouts”or“in a place that’s safe from harm, but i have been blessed with a wilder mind”

summer or winter?why aren’t autumn or spring options

day or night? dusk

dark, milk, or white chocolate? dark

favorite month? october or may

what is your zodiac signtaurus lol

who was the last person you cried in front of? i actually cannot remember 

[jeramymobley]

Anya Kamenetz: The Biggest Challenge Facing Parents Is Technology

I spoke to Anya Kamenetz, author of The Art of Screen Time: How Your Family Can Balance Digital Media and Real Life, about why she wrote the book, what parents can do to create a happy place for their children, the most interesting findings from her research, how a child’s technology use impacts their life and her best career advice.

Kamenetz is the lead digital education correspondent for NPR. Previously she worked as a staff writer for Fast Company magazine. She’s contributed to the New York Times, Washington Post, New York Magazine, Slate, and O, the Oprah Magazine, and has won multiple awards for her reporting on education, technology, and innovation. She is the author of three books on education and technology, Generation Debt, DIY U, and The Test. She lives in Brooklyn with her family.

Dan Schawbel: After writing books about higher education, why did you decide to focus on how technology impacts family time?

Anya Kamenetz: DIY U focused on tech in higher ed, and The Test took on topics related to K-12. I got increasingly interested in the gap between ed-tech rhetoric that technology is bringing unicorns and rainbows to children, and the broader conversation that is all about restricting and limiting kids’ use. My gut was that the truth lay somewhere in the middle.

Schawbel: What are some rules and behaviors that parents can put in place to create a happy place for their children?

Kamenetz: My core, evidence-based advice is to enjoy screens–WITH your kids. If you aren’t seeing any typical red flags such as obesity, sleep, or behavior issues, find the healthy balance between screen time and other activities that works for you. Spend time with your kids with “screens on the side,” and try to steer them toward more positive uses of tech like research, creativity, expression, and connecting with friends and relatives.

Schawbel: What are some of the most interesting findings from your research on this topic? What most surprised you and how has it impacted your own parenting?

Kamenetz: The sleep research is super convincing to me–the findings on how blue light wreaks havoc on melatonin production. Sleep is such a big issue for babies, kids, teenagers and parents too, and we don’t need another thing that makes it harder. Not only for myself, but my editor said that he is now parking his own phone in a room other than the bedroom at night. I am wary of giving my kids screen time after dark except on rare occasions.

Schawbel: How do you believe a child’s use of technology influences their long term relationships and career?

Kamenetz: As far as career: There are so many great case studies out there of kids discovering their creative, entrepreneurial and STEM passions thanks to the Internet. I really think we’re doing our kids a disservice if we don’t allow them the space to explore–with check-ins, of course–and do deep dives on their interests. As far as relationships: this is definitely trickier. Social mores and ways of interacting are evolving so quickly. I think in an ideal world, even as the modes of communication may change, we are bringing along our core values as parents and human beings, about being mindful, empathetic and taking on tough conversations with courage.

Schawbel: What are your top three pieces of career advice?

Kamenetz:

It’s okay if you don’t fit a predetermined mold–in fact, in this job market it may be preferable!

Keep your overhead and your expectations as low as possible when starting out. A little money in the bank will give you the courage to make choices that fit your passions and values.

One of my mentors and bosses, Susan Orlean, told me when I was starting out as a writer: “Just keep doing the work and everything else will fall into place.”

The post Anya Kamenetz: The Biggest Challenge Facing Parents Is Technology appeared first on Personal Branding Blog - Stand Out In Your Career.