#thank god not even one other human being is interested in this otherwise id probably write a wholeass fic

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

rip spock you wouldve slayed the high school policy debate circuit like no other

[clarz-cc-archive]

answered May 12, 2020

Q: hi!! i was the one who asked about re: hobi and age hierarchy - thank you for your answer!! i would agree with what you said about hoseok very much letting the hyung line dictate their friendship whereas he pushes around the maknaes a lot more. and ive seen those instances of hoseok being a little miffed whenever the maknaes use banmal with him (kind of endearing, i shouldn't be laughing at his anger but its kind of adorable how pouty he gets sometimes) but i would now like to ask you thoughts on hopekook! i adore hopekook to the max and can't stop talking about them. I find them to be interesting because as you've mentioned before, members have said they were super close when they debuted, they're pretty affectionate with each other and love each other a lot, but i guess when i examine their personalities and the way they seem to process things they're just pretty different?? so i'd love to hear your thoughts on them, and feel very free to just link me to any posts you've already spoken on hopekook before, im a noob with curiouscat and am not sure if there's a search function so if you'd rather me just like search myself im happy to do that too!! id hate for you to keep repeating yourself haha. i am now going to proceed to read through more of your curiouscat answers because i just love your galaxy brain, my gosh.

A: hopekook 🥺 my babies and my first otp!!! and i think you're right, i see them as being very different in terms of how they process stuff, but jungkook has said multiple times that he thinks he and hobi are very similar (like i think at one point he even said he felt like they were the same person?), so i just!! really wanna know what he means!!! i think hopekook is such a comfort ship for me because i really don't think their relationship is very fraught. they seem to understand each other very well and they share a) a lack of fluency for communicating their feelings in words as well as b) an excess of fluency in multiple other forms of non-verbal communication (dancing, cuddling, body language, playful physical touch, etc) that i think makes them really interesting to me. i think i love them so much (like, beyond the fact that they're my favorite and second-favorite members, lol, which is really probably the main reason) partly because i'm so interested in the ways people communicate and understand each other beyond the words we say to one another, and i personally feel like they're the best ship for exploring that. with hopekook i just really love how close they seem to be and how secure they seem with each other. i've said before that i think hobi is like jungkook's human security blanket and i fully stand by that, i mean he's always smelling him and he used to sleep in his bed all the time because it smelled good and good smells make him feel safe and they're always kissing each other's necks and also like choking each other at fansigns for fun (and horn) and they're so un-self-consciously affectionate and it brings me so much joy to watch them. part of what i enjoy about hopekook too is that, and this is like a SUPER speculative personal opinion here, but i think a lot of the reason they're able to communicate so well and exist in such security with one another is partly because all of their time knowing each other has been in the context of ot7 and bts, so they ARE forced to verbalize their feelings to one another, either at the weekly dorm meetings or performatively on camera for our viewing pleasure when prompted by a producer, and i think it's interesting to think abt whether any of those features of their current circumstances kind of smooth over any of the friction or misunderstanding that might otherwise arise from what I see as their different methods of processing their emotions, and how their communication might change in the absence of those things. i have more thoughts about them, i always do, but idk these are some of them! and also god thank you for calling my brain a galaxy brain you are so sweet!!! most of the time my brain feels like a swamp so it's lovely to hear 💞 also i HADN'T talked abt hopekook yet and, as i said, they are my faves (i love almost every ship and i def love every member but i'm only human and i have biases in both!!!) so thk u for giving me the chance!

[otterplusharchive]

rey! do you have any recs for kdramas? i have never watched any, but i like lovable characters and romance ? thank you in advance!

I DO IN FACT HAVE DRAMA RECS HII not all of these will be kdramas, but ill start with the kdramas ive watched and enjoyed and ill include all the warnings for them that i can remember off the top of my head and a brief synopsis for u!

kdramas-

1. weight lifting fairy kim bok joo

this was probably one of the first kdramas i saw people post about in like 2015 and i watched a little bit of it in 2016 but then only just got around to finishing it last year. the basic gist of it is its about a young sports college weight lifter, kim bok joo, centering around her navigating through her life and trying to figure out who she is and what she wants in life and what she wants to be. her romantic interest in the show is a swimmer and they have a sort of rivals to friends to lovers, he is SO in love with her and its adorable. i absolutely loved the side characters in this show theyre all so fun and kim bok joos best friends and weight lifting team are especially delightful. my main warning would be that this show addresses eating disorders and theres a lot of mention of both weight gain and weight loss, theres also a plot point early on where kim bok joo has a crush on her eventual love interests older brother but it gets resolved and the older brother literally goes "i didnt realize you had a crush on me and if i knew that i wouldnt have been so friendly with you, it would be completely innapropriate for us to be in a relationship". overall its a really sweet and emotional fun show but if you have issues with weight talk id skip this one

2. tale of the nine tailed

this one is really recent from last year and i didnt expect to be so hooked by it but boy howdy did i get attached to all the characters and the wild plot. it feels hard to explain the plot but basically a nine tailed fox named lee yeon is living in modern day seoul and is working for the underworld finding paranormal spirits/creatures/other rogue foxes that are causing havoc on the world, hes resigned himself to living this life while waiting for his girlfriend who died tragically 600 years ago to come back to life because he traded his status as a mountain god in order to ensure that her soul would one day be reincarnated. a plucky investigative journalist named nam ji ah figures out that hes not human and shenanagins ensue because she looks exactly like his dead girlfriend oooooo whatll happen. the plot beyond that gets really wild and its hard to explain and is easier to just watch. if u enjoy paranormal adventures this one is good. my one big complaint and issue with this is that the immortal mountain spirit meets his original girlfriend when shes a child and she continues to visit him off and on as she grows up which is Hm I Dont Like That! but thankfully the present time romance our female lead meets him when shes about 30 if im remembering right. also warnings for general fantasy violence, references to child abuse, animal death, and abandonment issues

3. extraordinary you

HUGE unreality warning for this. if you have issues with feeling unreal or have paranoia/delusions about not being a real person id avoid this one just because of its premise

ok i know i said tale of the nine tailed was a hard plot to explain but BOY extraordinary you is even HARDER to explain. because its so wild but so good. its about a girl who realizes that she is literally a side character in a comic book, and the story becomes her trying to change the story to save her character from dying but it becomes a lot more than that. the romance in this is literally tooth achingly sweet and the show itself is very pretty, i loved the side characters in this one and the show was engaging and interesting to watch it became really layered and meta. super reccomend this one honestly. my main issues/warnings that i can remember off the top of my head were just one character being the classic controlling boyfriend stereotype, bullying someone specifically for being poor, unreality like i mentioned before, and then at the very end there was this love interest for a side character who got reincarnated from a past piece of writing that they had been in and put in the comic but she was a student and he was the school cook which is weird but thankfully they like barely interact at all and theres no real romance he just like recognizes her and its barely a thing at the end of the show but its still weird

4. mystic pop up bar

big warning for suicide, sexual harrasment (which is framed as being bad and the guy whos harrassing the girl literally gets thrown off a roof)

i havent finished this one yet and thats mainly because im not emotionally ready because this one makes me soooo emotional. if you like found family this is a good one. its about a pop up bar run by a woman whos been tasked with solving the problems of a certain amount of people in order to atone for her crimes in the past before dying, shes able to enter the dreams of people and solve their issues using the information she gets in the dreams. paranormal shenanagins ensue, she acquires a son and a husband and it kills me its so fun and quirky and fun despite handling dark themes and peoples problems. also very sweet the found family murders me

5. kingdom (netflix original)

i literally am not going to be able to watch any other zombie media because kingdom and train to busan are the best pieces of zombie media ive ever seen. warnings for gore and violence and just general horror aspects.

i absolutely love this one its so thrilling and well done, i love the acting and the way that this show looks its absolutely gorgeous. a zombie plague breaks out in joseon period korea where the emperor has died and then was brought back to life by the queen and her father in a ploy to try and keep their family in political power, the crown prince must find answers. a lot more happens and its very dramatic and good i love the characters in this one

cdramas

1. the untamed. if you follow me and you havent watched the untamed im begging you to watch the untamed. literally one of the most beautiful stories ive experienced in my life i am not joking when i say i cried multiple times over it. the main characters are canonically gay in love and have a son together please watch the untamed. handles a lot of dark themes, heres a tw guide

2. the sleuth of the ming dynasty

this is another one i havent finished but its fun so far, very gay, found family, food, and solving murder mysteries during the ming dynasty

3. hikaru no go (also known as qi hun)

havent finished this one, there is some propaganda about hong kong in the first episode but as far as i know thats the only instance of something like that in the show

this ones about the game go and so far its very sweet and fun, local boy awakens a ghost who was a master of the game of go hundreds of years ago and eventually is persuaded to learn how to play go with the aid of the ghost. im really liking this one so far its very cute and i love the characters in it. if youve watched the untamed nie huaisangs actor ji li is in this one!

4. the legend of yunqian

this ones very short and on youtube, all the episodes are about 5 minutes long and its a lesbian time travel fantasy adventure with a happy ending! funny and cute

jdramas

1. cherry magic

please please please watch cherry magic. the premise sounds very much like a weird yaoi kind of thing but trust me on this. trust me. it is so heart warming and sweet and i was so emotional about it and the growth of the main character.

adachi gains the power to read peoples minds on his 30th birthday based off a urban legend that if youre a 30 year old virgin that youll become a wizard. after gaining this power he accidentally finds out that his extremely popular and handsome coworker has a crush on him, and shenanagins ensue along with adachi having blossoming feelings in return. this show was really refreshing in a lot of ways, adachi is a main character who like.. is unsure of himself and insecure in a very kind of realistic way, he closes himself off and is afraid to reach out to people and through the course of the show we see him slowly come out of his shell and realize that hes likeable and lovable and that people want to be around him and its so nice to see. my main complaint about this show is that i dont really like the background couple, but otherwise this is a very sweet and refreshing gay romance that has a happy ending!

some others that i myself havent seen but that ive seen people talk about a lot and that i want to watch eventually:

- the legend of fei (cdrama)

- the wolf (cdrama)

- gaurdian (cdrama, not the kdrama one called goblin)

- healer (kdrama, i did watch some of this one but it was in 2016 and i never finished it so i barely remember any of it but i do remember liking it)

- nobody knows (kdrama)

- its ok to not be ok (kdrama)

sorry this is so long but i hope youll be able to find a drama u enjoy!!

[fromthemouthofkings]

10 Favorite Characters

Thank you @wisteria-lodge​ for tagging me!!

1. Grand Admiral Thrawn (the Thrawn trilogy by Timothy Zahn)

I stan 1 (one) blue alien Sherlock Holmes

[image description: the cover of The Last Command by Timothy Zahn, showing Thrawn as a blue-skinned humanoid with blue-black hair and glowing red eyes, wearing a white Imperial uniform. end id]

So I’m specifically talking about the book character here; I have no idea what’s going on in the Star Wars TV shows. But Thrawn of the Star Wars Legends universe (and the newer canon book, Thrawn) is hands-down one of the best and most interesting characters I’ve ever seen. He’s brilliant, creating battle strategies by studying his opponents’ cultural art to understand their cultural psychology and look for weaknesses in their thinking. And despite being a morally grey character, he’s not unduly arrogant and is actually extremely likeable--he has to work hard to get into the Imperial command structure that heavily discriminates against non-humans, his motivation is the best interest of his people, the Chiss, and he is always willing to explain his thinking to his close allies and friends. And who else would respond to being stabbed by smiling and saying, “But it was so artistically done?”

2. Beren (specifically, from Philosopher-At-Large’s script/screenplay adaptation of Tolkien’s story of Beren and Luthien, A Boy, A Girl, & A Dog: The Lay of Leithian Dramatic Script Project, which can be read in full here: https://rustbucket.net/leithian/index.html)

Do we not all want to yell at the gods about theodicy until they answer our questions to our satisfaction? I specifically pick Beren not from the original Silmarillion, as much as I love Tolkien’s work, but from Philosopher-At-Large’s script retelling, because A Boy, A Girl, & A Dog might just be my favorite work of literature of all time--fanwork, original fiction, or otherwise. I stumbled across it via a fanart of Beren on DeviantArt, like, six or seven years ago that referenced it, and my life has never been the same. It was hard to pick a favorite character, since literally all of the Script’s characters hold a special place in my heart, but I love Beren’s gentle, dry humor and his grim, determined, reckless stubbornness. His relationship with Luthien is of course the driving point of the story, but I thought that his relationships with Finrod and the other members of their company, and his backstory in Dorthonian and his interactions with the Valar were spectacularly done as well. This story is full of the grim determination to at least try and keep loving people, to keep throwing yourself at a problem and refuse to back down until you find a satisfactory solution, and Beren is right there at the heart of that, and I think that makes him pretty hopepunk.

3. Hamlet (Hamlet by William Shakespeare)

What is there to say about Hamlet that hasn’t already been said a thousand times by people significantly more learned and eloquent than me? I love him. He’s a genre-savvy protagonist trapped in a world where nothing! Fucking! Makes! Sense! My poor emo boy. I feel so much for him, being trapped in a situation where he needs to learn the truth in order to move forward and finally act, but there’s no way for him to get at the truth, so instead he just spirals further and further into fey, frustrated, erratic “madness.” Such a disaster bi. Definitely in love with his tired functional gay bf Horatio. Drama queen and Pretentious Asshole TM. In any decent modern au, he loves Hot Topic and gets all his clothes from there. I don’t even really do theater, but I’d love to have a chance to play him onstage.

4. James Dunworthy (the Oxford Time Travel series by Connie Willis)

The Oxford Time Travel series by Connie Willis ranges from hilarious (To Say Nothing of the Dog) to heartbreaking (Doomsday Book) and Mr. Dunworthy is right in the middle of all of it. For those who haven’t read it, the premise of the series is that time travel has been discovered, but we can’t use it to change the past, so instead it’s mainly just used by historians going back in time to study history, and Mr. Dunworthy is the head of the history department at Oxford University in the year 2060. He might be strict, but he has strong dad vibes, and, just, cares so much for all of his historians. He basically adopts Colin when Colin is stranded in Oxford over Christmas during an epidemic, he regularly puts himself in danger to look for lost historians, he helped invent time travel, and he knows that the point of studying the past is caring about the people who lived there. I want him to be my dad.

5. The 9th Doctor (Doctor Who)

Okay, I love 10 and 12 and 13 almost as much as I love 9, but 9 has to be my favorite Doctor. He was my first doctor, and what really got me hooked on the series was his kindness--hard-won and hard-clung to after the trauma of the time war. It isn’t always easy for him--the time war took everything away from him, and you can see how he’s tempted to be angry and bitter and harsh--but even so, he insists on helping people, on atoning for his mistakes, on nonviolence and using kindness and cleverness to fix things instead of violence and hate. He says, guns are bad and bananas are good, and every person is important, and when asked if he’s a coward or a killer, he says, “Coward. Any day.” And that philosophy, that choice, has left a deep impact on me.

[image description: gif of the 9th doctor saying “Who said you’re not important?” from New Who Season 1 episode 8, “Father’s Day.” end id]

6. Eliot Spencer (Leverage)

The whole premise of a group of thieves, criminals and con artists getting together to take down corrupt people in power is great, and Eliot is my favorite. He may have done some seriously bad shit in the past, but now he’s just devoted to taking care of the team, and particularly his hacker and his thief. I don’t know that he believes he’s worthy of their love, but he’s still somehow the most mature and emotionally stable member of the team; he knows how to control his anger and live alongside his regrets, and despite his grumbling, he dives headfirst into protecting the rest of the team and keeping them safe. Bonus points for being in an almost-canon ot3, and for the passion that he brings to his cooking. Also, I headcanon him as gray aro and transmasc, because I can.

[image description: gif of Eliot standing back-to-back with Parker and Hardison. end id]

7. Jon Sims (The Magnus Archives)

I’m only on season 3 of TMA so far, but I love Jon with all my heart. Working at a supernatural research institute, after having had a supernatural encounter of your own, and still choosing not to really believe in the supernatural until it knocks down the door to your office and riddles you with worms? Big mood. He’s a stubborn workaholic disaster ace, and I relate because I too struggle to interact with people and tend to get lost in obscure research projects for hours at a time. Somebody give this boy a hug and then a nap.

8. River Taam (Firefly)

Once again, there are a lot of good characters in Firefly, and I was hard-pressed to pick just one of them to put on this list. But River is a sweet summer child slowly overcoming trauma to find the joy and delight in the world around her that she had before the Academy, and I want all the best things for her. Bonus points go to Simon, who gave up everything he knew to save his sister, and Mal, who stubbornly sticks to his own code of honor even after loosing the war and much of his faith.

9. Lancelot (The Once and Future King by T. H. White)

A splendidly complex and morally grey take on our favorite legendary hero. T. H. White writes a Lancelot who struggles deeply with guilt and pride and imposter syndrome--who struggles desperately to do what is right and to channel the traits he finds in himself--both strengths and flaws--into doing the right thing. His scrupulosity is sadly relatable, and the lines “It is so fatally easy to make young children believe that they are horrible” and “ You could not give up a human heart as you could give up drinking. The drink was yours, and you could give it up: but your lover’s soul was not your own: it was not at your disposal; you had a duty towards it” are both absolutely haunting. It’s only implied in the book, but T. H. White admitted in letters that Lancelot enjoys pain, and is probably bi as well, and a bit in love with Arthur, and that he feels very guilty about it, and I just want a fluffy modern adaptation where Arthur and Guenevere and Lancelot can be in the kinky ployamarous triad that they deserve and just be happy together.

10. Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling)

While I have some problems these days with the Harry Potter series and the transphobia of its author, it’s possible to like something without minimizing its flaws, and this list would not be complete without Luna Lovegood. I spent significant portions of middle school pretending to be her. She taught me how to embrace my own unabashed weirdness, and I wouldn't be the same without her.

@a-nerdy-shade-of-purple @conan-concocting-chaos @one-supportive-august​ @the-lyra-cal-trans​ @the-eleftheria​ @dumpstertrash​

[dariodanoite]

sting like a beamer | alain & dario

LOCATION: garage babineaux. PARTIES: @carbrakes-and-stakes and @dariodanoite. SUMMARY: dario gets a job from an old...friend?  

Dario was careful to make sure he’d be on time for his meeting with Alain, knowing he really needed to get another job if he wasn’t going to be begging on the streets anytime soon. Sure, he had the tattoo shop, but minimum wage with just one job wasn’t exactly enough to keep him afloat when he’d come back into this world with nothing. Beyond that, though- he was anxious to see Alain again. Would he look the same? Dario himself had grown a few inches while he’d been missing after it was widely assumed his whole family had been murdered, their house burned to the ground. It had Hunters written all over it to the trained eye. Beyond his extra height, he’d filled out a bit more as well, no longer a lanky seventeen-year-old, but a fully grown man. Now, he waltzed into the office of the garage in an attempt to find his old mentor, nostalgia practically smacking him in the face. There hadn’t been all that many places in White Crest filled with strong enough memories to give him any sort of reaction that came close. After all, he’d only lived here for a year before everything went to shit. But he went up to the attendant working the desk, simply saying. “Is Alain here? I had an appointment with him about the mechanic job.” Would Alain even remember him? It’d been thirteen years, and he’d just been a single snobby kid all that time ago. Maybe this was a bad idea.

Alain was almost done repairing yet another windshield when he heard his name told. It was just him and his colleague at the counter and so the garage was almost quiet, which happened rarely enough to be noted. An eyebrow raising, it took him a second to remember the appointment he had with the kid. Alright, maybe it was not a kid, he corrected himself as he took a look at the guy standing in the entrance. “C’est quoi ce bordel,” he had a confused look on his face as he approached him. What was his name again? It had been God knows how many years but he knew he’d seen this guy before. Even if Alain was used to people disappearing, he remembered that when Dario -there was the name- went missing, the whole town talked about it. “Well you haven’t changed one bit,” he looked up at him and held up his hand. “Don’t stay here, come in,” he pointed at the front door, as if to tell his employee to close for lunch break, and walked toward a car which already had the hood opened up.

As Alain came into view, another sharp wave of memories hit Dario. In truth, he hadn’t thought all that much about his time here in White Crest since he’d been back. And perhaps...that had been for good reason. He didn’t need a reminder of all the things he’d lost. Nevertheless, he couldn’t deny that he was happy to see Alain. Someone who’d known him before- certainly it might be validation with the state that he was alive, but...perhaps it was also simply a reminder to Dario that he hadn’t died all those years ago. “You still speaking French when you know damn well know one can understand it?” he asked with the beginnings of a grin, perhaps the first one he’d granted to anyone since being human once more. Relief washed over him. Alain did remember him. “Well- I’m taller. Wish I could say the same for you.” In only moments, it seemed Dario had fallen back into something closer to what he’d been before his days as a jaguar, poking some fun at Alain. But he followed after the other man, eyes looking over the car that was in front of him.

“Je vois pas le problème,” Alain replied, raising an eyebrow. It was common for the mechanic to speak to himself in French as he worked, and he exclusively cursed in French if he happened to pinch his fingers while working on an engine. “You are taller, yes,” he deadpanned as he heard the comment on his own height. Well that was certainly original. “You could have learned new jokes while you were away,” he drily replied, crossing his arms over his chest. “Alright. Can you tell me what’s wrong with this car?” There weren’t many ways to know that, and Alain figured that his first question wouldn’t be too hard. What he was most interested in was to see if he could fix that quickly enough. It wasn’t much work and could be done in less than an hour.

Perhaps in a bit of a teasing and stubborn tone, Dario simply replied, “Dois podem jogar esse jogo.” Alain could have a taste of his own medicine, not that Dario actually minded all that much when the older man babbled in his French. But he’d always enjoyed poking some fun at the mechanic. “My jokes are fine as they are.” The hint of a smile was still on his lips, the rush of having someone even somewhat familiar to talk with still filling him with that grain of excitement. But as Alain asked about the car, he grew more focused, knowing he needed this job. Otherwise- he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t end up sleeping on a street corner someday soon. “Definitely. You want me to just do it, yes? Fix it?” Part of him was itching to get to work, missing the feeling of fixing a car and doing something with his hands.

Lucky for you, I was forced to study latin, and understood mostly everything, Alain thought to himself, closing his eyes in despair. Did he really want this smartass back in his garage? His arms still firmly crossed over his chest, he shook his head as Dario declared that his jokes were good enough for now. Well maybe Alain had a shitty sense of humor then. He had already been told that it was an acquired taste, after all. “Well enough jokes, get to work,” he motioned toward the car with his chin, a stern look on his face. Dario might have been a nice kid, Alain didn’t want a clown in his shop. He had a reputation to maintain and old times’ sake was not going to count in Dario’s application. “Do you really want me to answer this question?” He drily replied, heading to the workbench to pick up his cup of coffee and sitting down on a stool for now. “Maybe you could start by trying to turn the engine on?” You could tell from his tone that he was slightly annoyed.

Perhaps Dario should cool it with his jokes, but he’d simply been so excited to see a familiar face. There weren’t many familiar faces left in his life anymore. He was somewhat surprised Alain didn’t seem phased by him being missing for thirteen years, or his family being murdered and their house being burned but….not entirely shocked that Alain was focused on more important things. That was the past. This was now. At least- that had been the method Dario was trying to employ as for late. “Just making sure, Alain,” Dario said back with more of a relaxed air than he’d had as of late. He was much changed in demeanor from his seventeen-year-old- self, quieter and not nearly as vibrant, but parts of him were still here. Nevertheless, he began the process of diagnosing exactly what was wrong with the car, his hands remembering the process of their own accord.

Alain looked at his former apprentice with a stern look on his face. You could see the fondness in his eyes if you were attentive, but now was not the time for this. He stood up from his stool after a certain time, to get a better look of Dario’s look. If it seemed at moments that it had been a while since he had been around a car, Alain figured that it was due to stress, and whatever backstory that led Dario to disappear for a decade. “Well, I’ll probably have to stay around you when you work for the first week or so,” he said once Dario was done both confirming that he had a job, and telling him that he would have to work hard to keep said job. 

As he finished up, Dario wiped the grease from his hands on a dirty rag as best he could. He’d enjoyed fixing the car, realizing there were some gaps in his knowledge. But hopefully that’d come back soon enough with the rest of the things he’d forgotten. Spending thirteen years as a jaguar did some strange things to the mind, and the memories he found foggiest were the ones that came just before his family’s untimely demise, and the year surrounding it. Apart from those momentary struggles though, he’d loved the feeling of a car underneath his hand once more, the way working on it had taken up most of his mind, not letting him think about some things he’d rather forget. It was a momentary respite. The grin Alain got in response was probably one of the widest he’d felt since turning back to human, mixed with utter relief. Maybe he’d be able to get out of the garage the strange cat lady had let him stay in for now sooner rather than later. “Thank you,” he said, with perhaps more sincerity than he’d ever given to Alain, desperation making him eternally grateful. “You won’t regret it.. And I meant what I said like- online about- paying me in food or something if that’s more legal or now. Or whatever.”

Approaching the car, Alain rubbed at his jawline. He had a look at the boy, or should he say the man’s work, and while it had taken him a bit longer than it should have, it was a job well done. There was no reason that he would not improve if given the chance, and a little push in the right direction. Since Alain had already had plans of taking an apprentice, this would not be much different, and he was certain that Dario would learn a lot more quickly than anyone else. “I would feel terribly uncomfortable paying you in food,” he gave his new mechanic a pat on the arm and asked him to follow him to the register. Putting what would be worth one week of paycheck in an envelope, the hunter handed it over to Dario, without a word. He would have to replace it later with cash he kept at home, but this seemed like a more than ideal solution for now. “We can sign your contract later, when you get your ID back.” The man paused, sighing. “You spoke to the guy I told you about ? Winston?”

It seemed that Dario’s gratitude wouldn’t end as he followed Alain to the register, and he held the envelope the older man had handed him with a slight reverence. He had a job. A way to have some sort of income. Did this mean he wouldn’t have to eat only ramen for every meal? Well- he might still have to. He needed to pay the strange cat lady that had let him live in her garage something in the way of rent, most likely. But either way, it felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He wasn’t rich, but he had a means of surviving. A simple nod was what he gave Alain when it came to contract terms, unable to form words for a moment because of the sheer amount of gratitude coursing through his veins. “Yes- yes he said- something about my immigration papers. Or records. They took my fingerprints so- they might be able to prove I’m me with those. But...really...I don’t know how to thank you, Alain.” It seemed that he’d been humbled from the sarcastic man that had walked in here an hour or so ago. “And I mean it when I said you won’t regret it.”

“Oh ? That’s… that’s pretty good for you,” patting the man on the side of the arm, Alain gave him his brightest smile so far. It was not often that life rewarded kind people, and to see that Dario’s troubles would come to an halt (maybe not an end), soon, was making him feel really happy, right now. “I’m… That’s great,” he repeated. The mechanic had, since the moment he offered Dario to come here, been worried about how this all would end, and to know that maybe this would not end terribly, was a relief. Now time would tell whether Dario would become a proper employee, although he was not worried. Back then, he learned fastly and always showed interest for what he was taught. This would be fine. He had good hopes.

[isamabella]

Any tips for those of us going into our freshman year of college? Thank you for your time!

 Sooooo I definitely accidentally wrote you a literal 2 page essay with horrible grammar so im very very sorry ahead of time and I'm sure you regret asking😬

I think the first thing that comes to mind is be flexible. I used to plan out classes months ahead of time and make back up plans. That’s great, but freshman got last pick for classes. Even more if your last name was toward the end of the alphabet like mine. This meant classes I planned ahead of time were waitlisted or closed by the time I could enroll. This often left me frantic even though it it worked out every time. The Nevada higher education system also “encourages” students to take 15 credits per semester instead of 12. By encourage, I mean threatening to take financial aid away. I think knowing that was hanging over my head and ability to pay for school only made it worse. So yes, make a plan, but don’t be so rigid that you’re basically anxious every day because of it. Most people change majors multiple times. I changed it 3 times in a year and a half. If you decide to do a minor, don’t feel pressure to make it related to whatever your career goals are. I did my bachelors in public health with a minor in addiction treatment services. They went well together, but I chose the minor because I was interested in it. If you want to be an art major with a biology minor, go for it.

Find balance! I struggle with this constantly and I’m 6 years and two degrees in. I won’t tell you not to procrastinate, because that’s how I operate. So many people would tell me to “just get it done early”. It’s just not how I work even now. I will say try not to binge study. Even when you’re studying the night before an exam, take breaks. It probably sounds like common sense, but just like times when I procrastinate, I also have the terrible habit of trying to learn everything at once. I did this the other day actually. I learned 148 anatomical terms and locations in about 7 hours for a 15 question quiz. I should’ve taken breaks and spread out the time frame.

Professors! You’re going to have some loose butthole professors. Generally though, just be respectful of them. College students can be massive assholes toward the professors, don’t be another one. I’d also encourage utilizing office hours. I never did and I actually think I put myself at a disadvantage. Oh! I was a TA my senior year for my friend’s class. From my perspective as a TA, once again don’t be a jerk. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. From experience, professors want to help. Side note, some like hearing you liked the topic and stuff like that. Especially when it’s a rough class. Be genuine though. Don’t do it to suck up. It’s hard to teach huge classes. My friend’s was 180 the semester I was his TA. There were a couple times when he just said he was done teaching for the day, because of how terrible some of the students were being in class. Most professors are trying their best. Remember that. They’re human too.

Kind of odd, but please know how to write an email! One of my many roommates I’ve had over the years took the class I TA’d with her friend. Her friend emailed me asking about the midterm. The problem was that her email didn't have her actual name, there was no general greeting like ��hey”, there was no signature, AND no subject line. So I didn’t answer it. She ended up asking me when she was at my apartment one night why I didn't answer. You won’t get an answer if you don’t do the bare minimum of writing a decent email.

Know your student ID number. You may or may not need it, but know it or have it on your phone in case.

For the love of god, if you need a question answered for a class, check the syllabus multiple times before emailing. Kind of related, I work at one of my school’s offices, and the idea of researching applies here too. I can’t tell you how many times students ask why they got kicked out of classes or why they didn’t graduate. It usually comes down to whether they actually paid their fees. Sometimes they don’t even declare a program! They don’t look at their school account regularly where they would see all this info. One graduate student actually told me they didn’t know why the school was threatening to kick them out of classes. What happened is that they enrolled in a class after school started and didn’t pay for it. They thought they did by magic I guess, because even though they thought they paid it, they also said they didn’t make an actual payment. PLEASE DON’T BE THAT STUDENT. Know how to register for classes, be aware of enrollment deadlines, and tuition deadlines too. On that note, MEET WITH YOUR ADVISOR BEFORE YOU ENROLL EACH SEMESTER. They’re there to help you! My undergrad advisor switched my curriculum to the newer one my junior year so I didn’t have to take an extra class.

Don’t be afraid to try out new things. I was always afraid to go into theatre or participate in other clubs. I regret that so much to this day. For me, it wasn’t even about making friends. It was about gaining new experiences and exploring what I liked. So if your school does a club fair- virtual or otherwise- go for it and try something out. You don’t have to commit, but it’s worth a try!

Know your resources! That professor I’m friends with? He talks to students about addiction, suicide, sexual assault, and just life in general. Before working with him as a part of  two student organizations, I didn’t know how to help myself or others in situations like I mentioned earlier. School wasn’t very good about putting out those resources, because colleges in general don't want to admit these are issues students deal with. My school has counseling, $5 therapy by the grad students getting licensed, and a school psychiatrist. I’d recommend knowing how to get in touch with all your school’s mental health resources. Remember, you don’t have to be in crisis to go to therapy.

BIGGEST LESSON:

You’ll be studying and doing homework a lot, so really try enjoy everything else. I’m a huge introvert so I basically have about 1 really good friend from school and he was my professor (the one I TA’d for). I love him to death, but I wish I wasn’t so worried about what others thought (and still think) about me. I don’t drink or use drugs so it was really hard finding people that didn’t pressure or question my decisions about it. Find your people. If they’re not right for you, don’t be afraid to let them go. That’s probably the biggest piece of advice I would give myself 5 years ago. The good times aren’t worth it if your friends cause you to feel bad during the rest of the time. I can honestly say the “friend” group I had for most of undergrad was the root of my sudden depressive episodes, disordered eating behaviors, constant anger that I internalized, and engaging in behaviors that I didn’t know were considered to be on the suicidal ideation scale. It was an endless cycle. They weren't bad people, but they were bad for me. I think it took years to finally come to terms with it, because prior to college, I never had problems with friends and I was never involved in drama so I had no clue how I was supposed to handle all the problems. The cherry on top was that I lived with these people so I couldn’t just leave. In retrospect, I think those friendships were borderline emotionally and mental abusive. The constant walking on eggshells because of the hot and cold environment was a lot. Know your worth and enjoy your college time!

Sorry for the novel, but there was just so much to write about. If there’s something specific, let me know and I’ll try and help. :)

@archetypal-archivist

[writehardwhumpharder]

Carson vs. Low Blood Sugar

Set in the past when Carson was in college and had a class with Daniel which is how they met. They are 22 and 21 here. I basically just wrote this because I’m going to university now so Carson is back at uni too.

When the professor asked them to form groups of four for the upcoming project, Carson naturally partnered up with the only person in the class he'd spoken two words to - Danny. The weird guy that still sits next to him despite all the other open seats and Carson’s obvious discomfort. But Carson was quick to believe the lie that the open seats were farther back and he wouldn't be able to see the board as well. Sure Carson could move, but he was far too stubborn for that.

The room erupted in groans when the teacher announced the group project. Everyone assumed everyone else was just going to slack off and force them to do the work of all four people. Daniel wasn't too sure about being in a group with Carson himself because even though he was studious and had good grades, it was entirely possible he'd sleep through every group session and just shrug it off later.

Two girls who sat in the row in front of them asked to join since it made the most sense. They introduced themselves as Kelsey and Ava and smiled shyly at the two guys.

Carson's interest in them ended at, "Sure, whatever." And Daniel's interest ended at Carson. Unfortunately it didn't seem like they would be spared any of the awkwardness that came with group projects.

"We should exchange numbers, so we can make plans to meet up." Kelsey suggested.

"Yeah and we can meet at the library, there's a cafe there too if anyone wants food or coffee." Ava chimed in.

"Sounds good," Daniel said. Then they passed around their phones sharing info. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't secretly happy to be handed the perfect excuse for getting Carson's number. Daniel had been thinking of asking him for the last few weeks but figured he'd be shut down with something like, "Sorry man, I don't have a phone number" while quickly shoving his iPhone into the pocket of his hoodie. If he wasn't so God damn cute Daniel would have given up already seeing what a piece of work he was. Eventually he'd find out why he was so cold to people.

After each group was formed and picked a topic the professor let them go half an hour early. Carson put in his earbuds and prepared to make a run for it but Daniel subtly blocked his path.

"So what do you think of this project?" He asked.

Carson paused and sighed, "Shouldn't be too hard if everyone has read the assigned reading. You did do the reading right?"

Danny rubbed the back of his neck, "Of course I did." He said unconvincingly.

"Good." With that Carson left.

--

The group made plans to meet two days later at the group study rooms on the fifth floor of the library.

Saturday was surprisingly beautiful. The weather was nice for Fall and Carson could feel the sun on his skin as soon as he stepped outside. Too bad he'd spend the whole day working on a stupid project about the popularity of tragedies in Shakesperian Era writing.

When he got to the library Danny was standing outside leaning against the building. He pushed off when he saw him and pulled something out of his pocket. Carson reached for the door but stopped cold when a printed copy of a news article was thrust in front of him.

Daniel looked at him excitedly, "Is this you?"

Carson stared down at it and had to quickly restrain his reaction. He recognized it immediately. The article was from his local paper when he was 14, the title read, "Local Boy Defies Physics Stopping Car from Hitting a Child."

Daniel had spent the previous night cyberstalking Carson after he finally finished all the assigned reading. There was absolutely no trace of him on social media but he did find several odd news articles. His name was also listed by the college as a Graduate of Human Biology.

"Yeah that's me, but every word in that article is false. I hope you didn't waste too much time reading it," Carson said dryly. He sidestepped him and walked into the library. It was practically deserted. Not having an actual excuse for the claims in the article, Carson really hoped he could avoid it altogether.

"It says that a car was heading towards an eight year old girl when it suddenly stopped, the front crumpled in like it hit an invisible wall a mere foot away from collision. There's even a picture. The car is stopped in the middle of the road with nothing else around it but it's beat to shit. Then that looks like you, kind of, maybe."

Carson's eyes dulled like this conversation was utterly exhausting. "If you're that curious, the car in the picture swerved to hit another car to protect the child crossing the street. The first car drove away in a hit and run. And if you want the real gossip, I'm pretty sure it was my history teacher." Carson said. Everyone in his town knew what he was and jumped on the chance to blame him as often as they could so he got used to lying on his feet.

"Really? I guess that makes sense. But why does it say that you passed out on the scene and got taken to the hospital. I mean, there was a whole car accident and you were the only person that got hurt?" He laughed.

Carson shot him a murderous glare, "It was very surprising." Daniel looked down at the ground in shame.

"Sorry..."

"Kids came up with a lot of rumors and bullied me until the rest of the town believed them. I bet this isn't only paper you found making crazy accusations."

Once inside Carson headed towards the cafe instead of the group study rooms.

"Well, sorry to hear that. So were you bullied a lot in school then?" He asked curiously. Daniel was determined to figure him out and he couldn't do that without striking a nerve or two.

"You sure ask a lot of questions."

Carson got in line with Daniel following closely behind. He finally went quiet after that last remark. It was already a few minutes past the time they were all supposed to meet but knowing how long they could be working, it was too much of a risk not to get coffee first.

He felt around in his pockets when he got to the register. "Oh shit, I don't think I brought my wallet." Carson said, giving Danny an expectant look. He figured he had him feeling just guilty enough to buy him a cappuccino.

"Ugh, fine," he pulled out his old leather wallet and handed the lady a 5.

Carson laughed, "that's such a dad wallet."

"What does that even mean?"

--

When they got up to the fifth floor, coffee in hand, the two girls were nowhere to be found. Figures. Daniel used the group chat to ask them where they were. After all it was possible they were simply late.

"We went to the desk but they wouldn't give us a room, so now we're wandering." Daniel relayed the message to Carson who frowned in thought.

"Tell them to come back up. I'll get us a room."

Looking suspicious enough already this was probably a terrible idea but he was impatient and little pissed off to be honest. He quickly turned towards the rooms, hoping to make it to one before this Danny guy so he wouldn't see him open it.

"Wait how are you going to do that? The help desk is that way," he asked, jogging to catch up. Great.

If the desk lady wouldn't give those girls a room then she probably wouldn't give him one either, also he just didn't feel like dealing with that. Daniel made it clear he wouldn't be too easy to shake off, getting rid of his plan to just open the door with magic. Instead he got out his student ID and pretended to swipe the scanner next to the door. The red dot turned green as he did.

"Woah. Do you have special access or something?" Danny asked.

Carson just hummed vaguely and sat down in the first chair he saw. He'd been doing such a good job not doing any magic since he moved out that even a little trick like that was tiring. Carson didn't want his reputation to follow him to university, but now that he was almost done with his Masters degree he found himself caring less and less.

Pulling out his own phone, Carson texted the group chat, "508."

Danny still had that childlike look of amazement on his face when he looked up again and Carson groaned internally.

"Where else can you get into?" He asked excitedly.

"Wherever I want. Wake me up when they get here." Carson pulled his hood up and laid his head down on the table. He wasn't really going to sleep, he just needed a break from talking. God this was going to be a long day.

Carson heard Kelsey and Ava talking long before they made it to the study room. They clearly knew each other before taking this class.

"Hi, how have you been?" Kelsey walked in first, carrying her own coffee cup, she looked at them both, her face pinching in thought, "Daniel and... Carson?" She struggled to put a name to the back of Carson's hood.

Now for the most interesting part of any group project, seeing who would take charge first. Carson finally straightened back up as they sat down on opposite sides of the table, putting Ava next to him.

"So, Tragedy, where do we start?" She asked.

Carson sat back and waited while everyone looked around awkwardly.

"Hey how did you get a room anyway that bitch at the counter made up some policy about needing a professor's permission for these rooms." Kelsey commented.

Daniel's face lit up again, "oh you should have seen it. Carson just swiped his ID and opened the door like magic."

Thank god Carson had just swallowed his coffee because otherwise he'd be choking on it at the mention of "magic".

"This is a library, not a bank. I just opened the door," Carson said lamely. "Anyways, we need to divide up tasks before we do anything else, and come up with a central theme so we're all on the same page. I think we should address the political implications of Tragedies written around that time. They were widely popular but very controversial."

Everyone stopped and stared at him. Either he'd completely lost them or he'd gotten more antisocial than he thought if that was a shocking amount of words to come out of his mouth. Internally Carson was cursing himself for accidentally taking on the role of the leader. He'd have to work even harder to pawn off that responsibility now.

"Right. I think the professor wants us to use quotes from the literature in the project but he also expects us to do a little research and come up with a thesis, not just a word by word analysis of the reading," Ava said. Meanwhile Kelsey was muttering something under her breath about the professor having a stick up his ass.

It looked like they were finally getting on track when Ava stopped suddenly, "hey what happened on the first day of class?" She asked.

Carson's blood turned to angry sludge. He was really tired of explaining himself. "Nothing, happened, I'm just clumsy."

He shot Daniel a look who thankfully tried to smooth things over, "Yeah he just tripped into the desk and it made a lot of noise, they ought to just nail them down." Ava hummed in response, not quite satisfied with that answer but ready to drop it.

--

After coming up with ideas for their individual parts they did some quiet work. That way they could have an outline done to share before they leave. The longer Carson strained to read the tiny text in his book the more he realized he was getting a headache. Not a migraine, but he didn't feel great. They'd been working on this for hours now, Carson checked his phone to see just how long it had actually been. They got to the library at 3pm and it was now closing in on 8pm. The worst part? He'd woken up late, gotten dressed, then came straight here. Meaning he'd slept through breakfast and forgotten lunch. Typical. You'd think after living alone for a few years a person would learn to take care of themself.

Daniel gave him an odd look, "Did you leave the oven on or something?"

Carson frowned. How the hell was this guy always so good at reading him? "No, it's nothing."

He really, really wished that it was nothing and he could just go back to reading but his body was making itself clear that it would not be neglected so easily. A dizzy feeling flowed through him as the blood rushed through his head. He felt sick.

Low blood sugar, it had it's own unmistakable brand of awful. Carson quickly shoved his hands under the table so it wouldn't so obvious that they were starting to shake. His brain frantically searched for solutions. The cafe? Closed. Snacks? Didn't pack any. Vending Machine? Yes. He had enough change in his jacket to get something from the vending machine he'd spotted near the bathrooms. It would look less suspicious if he waited a few minutes then left casually but a sudden churning in his stomach decided for him. The time to leave is right now, or better yet, five minutes ago.

Carson pushed way from the table clumsily then stepped around it to get to the door. Daniel followed him with his eyes which were now pinched with concern. He wanted to follow him and ask if he was okay, but valuing his life, he decided to just let him go with no further comment.

Carson was visibly unsteady on his feet. He wasn't diabetic so low blood sugar wouldn't kill him but it sure felt like it could. A general numbness spread through his body. Next was the mysterious cold sweat that he could distinctly feel despite knowing his skin was completely dry and the clammy feeling was just in his head. His body had a tendency to wait until the very last second to alert him of a problem which was why all the symptoms seemed to slam into him at once.

"Just make it to the vending machine and get a snack. You just have to make it that far." Carson urged himself as he wove between tall bookshelves. He was starting to feel a bit light headed too. Perfect.

The vending machines came into sight in front of him, tucked into their own little alcove. He was so close, so close, so... nauseous. Gonna throw up. Change of plans. He walked right past the machines and into the men's bathroom, his heart sunk as he did. But throwing up in the hallway was simply not an option. He dove for the furthest stall and just barely got the door locked before dry-heaving over the toilet. After a few unproductive minutes of that he coughed up some the coffee he had earlier and his stomach finally seemed satisfied after rearranging its contents. Carson leaned against the wall heavily, sliding down to sit on the tile. Why am I like this? Oh right it's because I'm forgetful, irresponsible, and stupid he chided himself. Closing his eyes, Carson focused on regaining his strength so he could at least buy some food then come back to this spot. He was finally about to stand up when the door swung open. Carson froze.

"Carson, are you in here?"

It was Danny, of course.

"Yeah," he replied. It would only seem more weird if he didn't respond.

"You've been gone kinda a long time. The girls were starting to get worried." He said tentatively.

"Well I'm fine, so either take a piss or get out, would you?" Carson snapped impatiently. He wished Daniel would just shut the door already so he could suffer in peace.

Daniel rolled his eyes, "It's getting late so everyone wants to wrap up, make sure we all know what to work on, and go home. So are you coming back now?" He asked. Usually his line of questioning would be more like "Are you okay?" "What are you doing in here?" "Do you need any help?" "Are you sick?" but with Carson he'd learned the beat around the bush a little knowing he wouldn't answer any direct questions like that nicely.

Carson tried to push himself to a stand up but ended up tripping over his own feet somehow, ending up on his hands and knees. Guess that answers that question. "No," he said plainly.

"What'll it take to get you out of this bathroom?" Danny sighed, still standing by the door. He'd heard shuffling just now but still didn't really know what Carson was doing in there.

With a grimace Carson swallowed his pride and asked for help, "Um, a bag of crackers would be nice."

Daniel's brows furrowed at the strange request, but even more so at the small voice it was requested in. Crackers? That was really what he wanted right now?

"Okay, wait here."

A moment later he came back in with a small bag of cheezits and bent over looking for Carson's feet to see which stall he was in. He was surprised to see that he was most likely sitting down against the furthest wall. In the back of Daniel's mind he noted that being on the ground was a bad sign.

Meanwhile Carson was cringing with every fiber of his being. He hated being like this. If Daniel had just left he probably could have gotten them himself and avoided all this. But truthfully he still felt a little dizzy and sick.

"Um, so what did you want crackers for? You're not going to eat them in here are you? That's unsanitary." Daniel called out before sliding the bag under the door.

Just seeing the bag ignited a gnawing hunger in him. Whatever half-formed insult he had on the tip of his tongue was quickly forgotten in favor of food. Sweet, sweet sustenance. Carson tore open the bag and threw a few into his mouth, careful not to eat them too quickly.

"You know this is super weird right?" Danny asked.

"Whatever," Carson grumbled. His voice was muffled by the crackers.

"Wait a second," he paused, "were you hiding in here... because you were hungry? Seriously?" Daniel scoffed. As tough as his deskmate liked to act, he was surprisingly childish.

"Well you don't have to be a dick about it. Low blood sugar is a real and serious condition, asshole," Carson muttered. There was no real anger to his words though. He just had a habit of swearing more when being defensive. Daniel stopped laughing.

There was a rapping on the door, "Um, it's Ava. What the hell is taking you guys so long?" She called out.

"We'll be back in a minute," Daniel yelled back.

"That's what you said when you left ten minutes ago," she said impatiently.

Carson scooped out the last of the crumbs from his bag of crackers and got up. He still felt a little off but the threat of throwing up or passing out upon standing was no longer there so that's good. He reluctantly unlocked the door and walked past Danny to get to the sink.

"You look, not-healthy."

Carson scowled and took a look at himself in the mirror before splashing some water on his face. Daniel was right, despite being a lot steadier there was still a sickly paleness to his face.

--

They walked back to the study room where Kelsey and Ava were already half-packed up and ready to go. Carson sat back down in his seat and glanced at all the papers scattered across the table.

"So here's the plan..." Ava gave a detailed description of everything they'd decided since he left. It was a solid outline. And if anyone had any more questions they could just text between meet-ups.

"Oh look, it's already pretty dark outside. I hadn't even noticed," Kelsey said peeking through the blinds. "Now I'll have to have walk home in the dark."

"College campuses have some the highest rates of sexual assault." Carson said absentmindedly.

"Why would you say that right now?" Kelsey shivered.

Carson looked up at everyone's mildly horrified faces, "What? It's true, it's dangerous out there. People need to be careful." He defended.

"Well now you both have to walk us home, since you kept us here so late doing whatever the hell you were doing." Ava said crossing her arms.

"You say that like I wasn't already going to walk you home," he said. Good job Carson, real smooth. Ava's expression turned blank and confused for a second before going back to it's previous tense, subtle annoyance.

"Fine, let's get going. It would make sense to walk with whoever lives closest to each other. I live off campus."

"Same," Carson added.

Kelsey and Daniel both lived close to the dorms so it made sense for them to go together.

[consecrated2christ]

Back there again...

Hello friends!

I sincerely hope you had a restful Christmas and were able to celebrate the New Year with close friends & family.

I happened to get quite sick over the holiday break but perhaps it was much needed with all that went on this year.

I was literally home for about 2 weeks...hadn't gone out but for a few important occassions like my brother's engagement party.

Part of me believes I've been slowly becoming an introvert (gain energy from being alone) after dealing with burnt out and my diagnosis with generalized anxiety. (Since 2016) However I still do get bursts of energy from being with people...maybe the difference is the type. Ie. healthy vs. unhealthy.

Personally, I know we're all broken people but find it's a deal breaker in relationships (romantic and non) to not want to deal with your issues. But I totally understand the initial "putting off" of painful experiences and emotions. I do it too... I just mean being a person who doesn't want to change at all -- the whole "I am who I am" mentality.

Anyway this past Monday, my mom and I wanted to have an outing together. She has a chronic illness and this prevents her from working outside the home and doing normal errands. It's like when your phone battery stops charging completely and you only end up with 30% after a normal charging period. Or in humans terms, sleep. To give some context, my mom started showing symptoms when I was 11. So we've dealt with this as a family for about 15 years now.

Regardless of her illness, I have come to love my special time with mom. I say "come" because my teen years would have said otherwise. Not to say though that I don't love my mom unconditionally...it's more that my raging hormones complicated things. So while my mom had good intentions of wanting to have time alone...it would all depend on my mood.

I will say though that experiencing my mom's illness with her has been a journey to say the least and used to really blame Jesus for it. Anyway another story within itself...

Back to this story. My mom ended up not being well enough to do the errands that we were planning on doing together. This is what I mean by our special dates. Sometimes it may just be as simple as returning an article of clothing and looking for some fabric. My dad ended up going with me after work and was just honestly thankful to get out of the house for my own sanity.

We first drove to Old Navy to return a coat from Christmas for my brother. The sales clerk said she couldn't process the order at the store because it was an online purchase. Back on the road again. Next we headed to a pretty low key mall to look at some fabric that my mom needed for our dining room chairs. As it turns out, the place she had in mind was close by but not where she initially thought. Next we then purchased some Pad Thai for dinner that night at the mall and then headed to our last stop for the day.

So we get there and my mind was overwhelmed with all the fabric inside. I am an artsy person in other ways (makeup, music, etc) but find any kind of crafy store to not be my cup of tea. However I appreciate those blessed with this type of creative mind and skillful hands. My fine motor skills are terrible to say the least. ;)

After we take a couple of pictures of potential colours and specific fabrics for my mom to see. (They didn't offer swatches)

As we head out and continue driving down this street...part of my brain recognizes this area. Now I recalled how I'd been here once or twice with my family for this Polish supermarket and one of my mom's favourtie restaurants. Still...something peaked my interest.

Then it hit me after seeing some specific land markers. I say land markers because I am directionally challenged without my GPS, so had previously defined a place by what it sold.

This is the place where I tried to commit suicide.

I remember like it was yesterday: hopped on the closest bus to my house and just headed south. Then got off at a random stop and went to go pick my poision. Then I drank it with another sugary beverage and walked into these woods. I didn't take any IDs or my cell phone. ((NEVER DO THIS)) All I had what was on my back. I then proceeded to drink the poision and walk into the woods. It wasn't super dark yet but remember how cold it was on my hands.

Kept walking but nothing happened. I drank some more.

Being in one of the darkest places of my mind is where I then headed down the street where this fabric store was on. It was one of those roads that had lots of industrial places and kept going for miles. It was in this moment that I was so angry why this plan hadn't worked. Stubbornly I kept walking. My stomach was growling to the point of no return and felt a bit light headed from not eating for a few hours.

I then came across this coffee shop. I caved and ordered some food.

Looking back, no one on the bus or in the coffee shop knew what had happened. Only God Himself.

Afterwards I saw a familar bus that I knew which headed back into my old neighbourhood. I ended up at a local plaza and called my mom on the pay phone. She then sent my dad to pick me up.

A question that close friends ask me is, did you go back to our childhood neighbourhood because it was a safe place for you? Maybe but it was ultimately God who provided a familar route in the midst of a destructive night.

Now I know what you might be thinking...why are you writing this on the internet? Shouldn't you first talk to a counselor and/or a parent? Yes I've done both and am on medication. (See previous post for more of that story)

Some say it isn't wise to disclose your deepest thoughts on the internet or in the workplace. They might unfairly judge you. Maybe...probably...

But part of me needed to get this off my chest and properly process it outloud. (Where my extrovert habits come in)

I say this with my deepest love and care for you my Tumblr community. Looking back, 10 year old Lizzy had no idea what her thoughts and actions were capable of.

Part of it is genetics. My grandpa who passed away last year deals with depression. So does my mom and brother. Thank the Lord for my mentally sane father!! And of course Heavenly Father.

I was reminded when watching a movie where this kid experiences a messed up childhood that we can't always control the negative things that happen to us. Ultimately it's deeply rooted in our sinful nature and our pride that insits that we have to be in control.

As a Jesus follower, I'm not promised that my life won't be without deep and painful moments. But I am and can hold God to His promises that He is faithful and is putting together those broken pieces of my life. Slowly and in His timing.

So this post is for the doubting Christian and the unbeliever too. We all wrestle with from time to time on if we're truly alone in this world. I can tell you with full assurance that you're never alone. Just like I was when I attempted suicide.

Maybe you have noticed that certain things fall together for your benefit. Like a chaotic day at work or school had moments where it all made a small ounce of sense. That was probably God.

So while there are lots of people who doubt His existence I can reassure you of His work in my life.

Even the demons believe there is a God!

So let me end with that Tumblr. God is not dead.

By Christ's grace, ~Lizzy xoxo

[stillness-in-green]

Yuletide (+Updates)

Hello again, my gracious, patient followers.  After my traditional year-end hiatus, I return with two IBO stories and a Ronin Warriors one, as well as some updates about what I’ll be working on again now that the holidays (and a New Year’s stomach bug) have finally released me from their clutches.

The Urgency of Care:  The long cough is one of those childhood diseases that everyone gets vaccinated for as a kid, but there are always people who slip through the cracks. Some of them are pretty bad at taking help when it's offered, too.

Some sickfic for Chad and Yamagi, also featuring Kudelia and Atra.  Post-canon, starring Chad’s persistent low self-esteem, Yamagi being prickly and also Very Tired, Kudelia wrangling politics in the background, and Atra doing her best.  

Hey, it turns out that when you fail to vaccinate a significant subsection of your population because they’re literally regarded as subhuman garbage, your planet is sometimes going to have crisis-level disease outbreaks.  Whoops!  I look at this as kind of the kick-to-the-ass Makanai needed to start seriously working with Kudelia on the Human Debris Abolishment Treaty.  

The World Takes:  Aston survives, and goes back home. Isurugi survives, and lands in military prison. Somewhere along the way their paths cross. That may be important, in the end.

This one is a bit of a weird one.  I love Isurugi, so I knew I wanted to write something for whoever requested him for Yuletide, but paralleling him with Aston...?  How to even approach that?  “Go really AU,” is the answer, it turns out.  I ended up kind of falling in love with this story as I wrote it, though.  

I think Aston and Takaki were about three significant conversations away from dating in the show, and they would have been great together, so getting to write that was a complete treat.  And I fell hard for the concept of Isurugi and Todo being Almiria’s right and left hands during my vaguely-conceived Almiria’s Adolescence Apocalypse timeline, so much so that I’m actually pretty frustrated that it can’t ever be canon!  

The Paperweight Problem: Talpa won, but no one wins forever.  Dais—abides.

Half-dreamed, half-real meetings between a dead man and one who is doing his best to stave off madness, trapped in a paralyzed body with an all-too-conscious mind.  

I love Dais, and I love the warlords’ implied backstory, so I was all down to write some Dais+Anubis, but what in God’s name was, as the requester’s letter put it, “the paperweight problem”?  Once I figured out what the letter was referring to, I basically couldn’t NOT write it.  This is heavy enough on imagery and feelings that I kind of think of it as less a fanfic of the show proper and more a transcription of one of those really wispy, ethereal doujinshi.  (I hope this description does not turn tag-surfers off completely--I promise Dais is still a sarcastic shithead!)

So that’s the new stuff.  If you’re just tag-surfing, or just want finished product, enjoy the assortment!  If you’re curious at all about what else I’m working on, hit the jump!

So, firstly, I’m trying to finish up the other half of that Odds-n-Ends post.  I have a few more chunks to write, and then the rest should be quite quick.  ETA: a week or less?  I would likewise love to get back to the pair of McGillis and Gaelio analysis essays I’ve been working on on and off, but those are much longer, so I don’t have much of a projected time for them.  Other perpetual essay topics include an overview of religion and spirituality in the setting, as well as a consideration of the shows’ female characters, their agency, and their treatment by the narrative (with a scathing comparison to Gundam Thunderbolt’s women, if my saltiness regarding the latter gets the better of me).

On a fanfic front, I have long been considering a several-part-installment series detailing how Chad and Yamagi get together, that would do some double-duty as tracking how Tekkadan gets from the climactic fight with Arianrhod to their relatively-comfortable-looking epilogue.  I think making that whole thing one story is far beyond my reach as a sporadic maker of content, but perhaps I’d do better by making it a series, in which I could jump around and change focus as the mood hit me?  We’ll see.  I also find I write a somewhat less poverty-stricken post-series Tekkadan than seems to be the norm, and it might be nice to lay out my timeline on that a little better.  

I also have two things from the Yuletide writing period that I’d kind of like to expand on.  

Firstly: I’ve always had two ideas for how Kudelia and Atra’s getting hitched came about, one pragmatic to a fault and the other far more romantic.  When my assignment hit my inbox with a request for fic about said marriage, I thought, “Oh, cool, I’ll use this as an excuse to write the big romantic wedding and save the more practical telling for that Chad/Yamagi series!”  A fine idea, right up until the story hit 6K with no end in sight, and I realized I was never going to finish it on time.  (The 8K sickfic would probably have been even longer if not for my blowing half the writing period on the wedding fic, yes.)

I still really like a lot of what I have, though, from its melting pot approach to marriage traditions to its navigation of some of the relationship problems lingering around Kudelia and Tekkadan.  It is, by nature, going to be half-fanfic and half-bullet point list, but I’d like to see if I can wrangle it into something presentable anyway.  

Secondly, that portion of the Aston+Isurugi story that concerns Isurugi’s time in prison being subjected to weird mad science experiments that leave him on the verge of a complete identity breakdown?  That is my JAM, total id-fic, and I have a terrible temptation to expand on it, even knowing it would be pure self-indulgence.  If anyone is at all interested, let me know; otherwise it will likely just remain buried on my hard drive.

If you actually hit the jump and read all this stuff, as ever, thank you very much for your continued interest, even as (to judge by the fandom response this year) the show itself fades in the rear view mirror.  As I’ve said before, I’m not done with this world yet, and I appreciate anyone and everyone who hangs around to continue to explore it with me.

[thecakewolfuniverse]

Get Out (2017) Review

Reviewer: Matthew Fishgold

Important films don’t come too often in a lifetime, and they’re almost never a horror movie. Get Out (2017) is a rare horror experience that’s going to get inside your head and grab you by the soul. Written and directed by Jordan Peele in his horror movie debut, this cinematic masterpiece is an absolute must see.

Inspired by the use and portrayal of Duane Jones’ Ben in 1968’s Night of the Living Dead, Jordan Peele had his artistic gears turning at a very young age.

For our drink, we started with a focus point of hot tea.

Now that we have our drink, let's enjoy our movie and have our review.

Get Out begins with a deceptively smart masked villain moment that makes you feel all too comfortable with an age old slasher movie routine that we’ve all seen before. However, this mcguffin takes you to unexplored sunken depths much later in the film's climax.

In this opening scene, we’re also treated to the first in a consistent flow of immersive cinematography. I found myself turning my head with the camera more times than once.

Transitioning to our leading couple played by Allison Williams (Rose Armitage) and Daniel Kaluuya (Chris Washington), the audience feels right at home with the young & modern American Dream. Chris is a talented artist succeeding in the field of photography, supporting himself and his cute fluffy dog. Chris has his shit together.

Atmosphere in the set design truly helps in establishing such an unquestionable “feel” for the audience. Chris’s apartment reflects the personality that Kaluuya portrays to a T.  It’s sleek, cozy, controlled, and lightly styled with inspirational art reflecting youth.

Rose and Chris begin discussing the underbelly of our culture in a roundabout way. Chris is worried about the expectations of Rose’s family that he’s about to meet for the first time. “Do they know I’m black?” After Chris voices his worries, Rose “comforts” him with humor, making him feel foolish for bringing it up. Chris plays along and goes with the flow. After all, he loves her and wants everything to work out.

We’ve all been in a situation where our significant other makes us feel silly about something that truly worries us. Though the core of this film concerns racism, it’s absolutely NOT alienating. Peele has perfectly matched his own voice with everyday relatable issues. It’s simply astounding.

I remember watching Putney Swope (1969) in film school and enjoying it but feeling out of my depths. Black Shampoo (1976) was incredibly fun but just felt wrong at times and the blaxploitation western, Boss (1975) left me with a similar feel. However, Get Out (2017) humanizes all of its characters, keeping the audience in step with its protagonist, despite their ethnicity.

If you can’t get into the shoes of Chris Washington, you must be blind, deaf and brain dead.

While traveling to see Rose’s family, the couple clips a deer with their vehicle. Chris explores the woods nearby the accident to find the animal in a helpless and suffering condition. Rose calls the police to assist in the situation which cleverly sets us up for something later in the film. Nuances in Kaluuya’s performance are displayed to the audience in close up micro-expressions, and in this scene, we can definitely feel how much this experience disturbs him. Though disturbed, Chris’ character has a tightly controlled demeanor which he shifts into when interacting with the police officer and Rose.

When Chris and Rose arrive at her family’s home, the audience begins to notice oddities that end up playing with our perceptions. This isn’t a movie where you can obviously tell what the protagonists should/shouldn’t do. You’ll be biting your nails wondering what the fuck is going on and who to trust, instead of yelling at the characters to do this or don’t do that.

This is where I’m leaving off. Get Out (2017) is not a film you want to spoil. The truth behind the situation is going to chill you to the bone. We needed this movie, now more than ever. Get Out speaks to our generation with poignant truth and originality.

Masterpieces of the cinema deserve to be celebrated and Get Out better win some fucking Oscars. I give this film five out of five teacups. I’ll be watching in theaters again and putting it on my to buy on release list. Get out of the house and see this movie in theaters!

WARNING: The below thank you letter to Mr. Peele has VERY SLIGHT SPOILERS.

Dear Mr. Peele,

I would like to start off by introducing myself. My name is Christina. I am a middle-class white chick with an interest in social justice, so y’know, I’m not going to pretend I know everything this film was attempting to cover. My boyfriend is super into horror movies, and when I saw the trailer to Get Out I looked at him and said, “Ooooh, that’s one I want to see.”

I was not disappointed. He wasn’t either. By the looks of the Rotten Tomato score, you have struck cinematic gold. You probably deserve an Oscar more than La La Land.*

Right off the bat, you set us up for the Dangers of Walking While Black. In my white girl world, I equate this with the Dangers of Walking Home Alone at Night. What were you doing out at that time? Must have been looking for trouble. You know the drill; it’s all bullshit.

Fast forward, and we meet this beautiful interracial couple. The audience thinks, “Oh look, 2016** is on the screen. Aren’t they adorable!” But then Chris asks his white girlfriend if she maybe mentioned that he was black to her parents. You see, they’ve been dating a few months and he’s going to meet her parents! It’s sweet... and they’re not racist. Why would she even mention it, it’s so not an issue! Geez, what does he think she is, a monster?

But, obviously, it is an issue. The remainder of the movie is horror-slash-real-life.

We meet white people who roll out all the micro-aggressions. Can I please see your ID? With your genetic make-up, you could be a beast! Oh, you look so strong. They treat blackness like it’s a trend, a fashion. Living in a post-racial world -- the patriarch of the family would have voted for Obama for a third time if he could -- being black is all the rage, what’s the downside?

We even see Chris put up with all this bullshit because it’s part of his life. He knows not to argue with the officer. He knows better than to point out a white guys racism. He knows that he’s just being paranoid and yes, everything is fine I’m sure. Do not make white people feel bad about their racism, I’m sure they mean well. It’s totally normal to be sized up like a piece of meat. And those other black people must just be crazy, not brainwashed or manipulated. No no no no no no no. Oh, no.

It really struck me how much this movie exposed the underlying idea that Black People need to be tamed; they must be whitewashed until they are acceptable to roll with high society. We see these whitewashed characters in the white family’s help. They are all very careful about saying the Right Things for their white people. Walter is strong and is the groundskeeper, Georgina is the family’s chef and personal servant and Andrew is an old white lady’s new lover.

Sex slaves and shit. She parades him around as an object of beauty, even making him twirl for her friends at one point. Chris begins to put two and two together when he tries to sneak a photo of Andrew to send to his buddy, Rod. The flash on his phone goes off, it breaks the hypnotism and Andrew warns Chris to “Get Out!” After Chris sends the photo, Rod immediately recognizes Andrew as Dre, a guy from his circle who had gone missing months ago. Chris realizes how “crazy” it sounds, but he knows he has to get away from this place before they turn him into a mindless drone too.

The film also deals the appropriation of black culture in a very overt way, the white family and friends all take what they deem necessary from their black servants for themselves and then turn what they deem unnecessary (the rest of their lives and personality) into a mindless drone.

White people will take your music, your beauty, your art and your style and we will allow you to entertain, but please learn to speak proper English and wear your pants correctly and please don’t wear your hair like that because it’s unprofessional and for the love of god, don’t ever take a knee for the national anthem.***

Finally, I would like to say thank you for that ending. It was a twist, it was unexpected and it was soooo so good.

Sincerely,

Cakewolf’s Consort

(Christina)

*Believe it or not, I have not seen La La Land, even though it starred Ryan Gosling, who was confused with Ryan Reynolds on a local theater’s website because I guess all Ryans look the same.

**Because who are we kidding, 2017 is a shit show.

*** White folks can wear the flag as a swimsuit, swim trunks, underwear, drape their naked bodies with it or turn it into napkins for barbecues, but otherwise, it is to be respected Above All Things.

[wingsoverbros]

“The Memory remains... focused on the early years” or “My thoughts on SPN 12.18″

For previous episodes: 12.01 - 12.02 - 12.03 - 12.04 - 12.05 - 12.06 - 12.07 - 12.08 - 12.09 - 12.10 - 12.11 - 12.12 - 12.13 - 12.14 - 12.15 - 12.16 - 12.17

Now, on to Supernatural 12.18 - "The Memory Remains"

The relationship Supernatural has with filler episodes has always been rather strange. Originally, like most other shows, the filler episodes were unrelated to the arc episode, moments for breaks from the ever-increasing tension to showcase humor or grossness or a monster that they simply couldn't make fit within the arc of the season. As the show aged, though, the filler episodes have been increasingly connected in some way to the arc at large. This has led to the majority of the recent fillers being a kind of "filler-arc" string that you can't miss for fear of missing something. Unfortunately, while some of the filler (especially this season) are good enough to make the "can't miss" status with it, some are not. This one was one of the latter.

On occasion, the show gives someone who isn't quite a regular writer a chance at an episode. Sometimes, it's an outside writer with a script that's a bit out there, sometimes it’s a behind-the-scenes person on the show, but usually, it's a writing assistant that helps the other writers with their work. "The Memory Remains" is the second total episode of the writing assistant John Bring, who also wrote the wrestling-centered episode last season. Sad to say, I much preferred that one, as it felt a lot more original than the offering this season. Very quickly, 12.18 reminded me quite strongly of "Scarecrow" back in season 1, with all the same set pieces:

the town run by a business that fed people to a god for success that centers around a food product,

Disguises being used during the feeding, although at least this time, it was the human that wore it, rather then the monster.

law enforcement being involved

family members fighting, on both sides of the "will we or won't we?"

Dean tied to something as the official sacrifice

The fighting half-brothers raised my interest momentarily before I realized I'd seen them before as well. Their story and they way they interacted brought to mind "Simon Said" in season 2. Sadly, I much preferred Andy to Sheriff Bishop, and I wouldn't bet any money on the sheriff returning for any future episodes.

I knew the episode wasn't doing its job keeping my attention when I started getting distracted by the sets they were using, and where I'd seen them before. I'm fairly certain that the front porch of the "old family home" of the Bishop family was seen last as the front entrance of the home of Dr. Eleanor Visyak back in season 6. I ended up staring at it for a few minutes, losing track of the dialog completely, yet didn't seem to miss anything by the time I caught back up. That is never a good sign for the writing of an episode.

The writing of our main characters wasn't any better. Sam and Dean both seemed to devolve in varying degrees into stereotypes, shallow cardboard cutout limitations of their characters from those first two seasons. Sam was back to a mild form of his disapproving post collage eye-rolls, while Dean lost years of character maturity and dove back into his "a girl in every town" routine that got really old really fast back in the first few seasons. It left me  simultaneously rolling my eyes at the clear "No Homo" moment they stuffed in the episode and wondering if the writer had recently gone on a binge-watch of the first 3 seasons.

Now, that's not to say there weren't some good points. They made the rather wise decision to refrain from showing the bad guy in full. Considering the bad guy was a monstrous horned creature and that Supernatural does have a limited budget, it's possible that whatever they'd managed to create wasn't gonna satisfy everyone. In cases where the story-line is weak and ramping up the tension and fright is the best way to attract attention, allowing the audience to fill in the gaps and imagine their scariest form of monster was probably the best option. It worked for Hitchcock, so it'll work for modern writers with less polish as well.

Nice use of id names this episode. They're branching out from Rock shout-outs to Geek IDs, and I love the fact that Dean used "Martell" as his name, the last name of the Game of Thrones character most famous for both his fighting abilities and his tendencies towards Bisexuality. It was one of the few highlights for me, and I wonder who decided to throw that bit in. I do love a good friendly poke of the online fan-base. (Sam also chose well. He certainly has the demeanor and luck of a male Stark. Also, he, Jon and Ned could probably have a long chat about hair products. All three seem to favor the same styles.)

I also found the invasion of the Men of Letters into the Bunker worked well for me. In their shoes, I'd have done the same thing. After all, knowledge is power, and those nutjobs are all about the power acquisition. I too wonder about how Sam keeps his hair so shiny (and is it how he also gets wifi everywhere?). I'm uninterested in the number of Flannels Dean owns, though, as I prefer him out of them whenever possible. (Especially when in the presence of Cas.)

I loved the joke about the telescope. (Thanks to Phil Sgriccia and David Haydn-Jones for that little moment.) It does seem kind of odd to have a telescope in a underground bunker. Maybe in the future, it'll turn out to need a charm or spell to work?

Didn't I just say they needed to change the locks last week? The guys don't trust the MOL and they already know that they got in hot water with Mick, so why not at least look for ways to keep the bunker private? Or hell, hide their personal info and bug the place themselves, so they can see who walks in? This season makes the boys seem awfully uncaring about informational security. It's a wonder they all survived this long, even with an angel on call.

Maybe when Dean notices that someone stole his childhood photo of Mary, it'll prompt him to rethink security. (I also wonder if Ketch took his magazines. Those silly things seem to be popular with the Men of Letters, since they had one of the original ones in the old file boxes. Seemed like a weird touch, but hey, they got to stuff their "no homo" moments in there somewhere.)

Since the filler episodes on Supernatural have become inseparably fused to the season arcs, the quality of the writing in the filler episodes have a big impact on how the season is received. It's lucky that this season has had better filler, as this particular episode suffers from repetitive story elements and poor characterization, due to the relative inexperience of its writer. Hopefully, after the rest of the season airs, it either looks better or disappears into its higher quality neighbors in an otherwise high-quality season.