#tf2 crack ship

[ionlypostmymeemocs]

Ah yes...

TF2 Crack Ships, Rare TF2 Ships, and TF2 OCs ships.

My favorite snack!

*Eats*

[5eraphim]

If you are okay with any poly asks/requests how about Demo and Soldier (kidnap) take their partner (afab) out to a random forest and hunt them down (primal play) because they were being a brat and teasing them.

(Soldier would have great tracking skills considering he is canonically friends with raccoons. And Demo would have a blast.)

This was HEAVILLY inspired by the Robert Hansen music video by SKYND. legit heard this song for the first time i think a week ago and I knew right away it was the perfect inspiration for this story. i don't know why my brain allowed this request to gather dust for months, but then heard one song that goes hard and then finishes it in a few days?? as always, i apologize for taking forever, but more importantly thank you for the request, i hope you like how this turned out.

Title: Hunting Party

Characters: The Soldier 🦅 and Demoman 🐏

Rating: X (MINORS DNI, GO PLAY OUTSIDE)

Content Warnings: Noncon, death threats, stalking, blades, guns/getting shot, Dark! Characterization, outdoor sex, double penetration, rough, AFAB reader/female terms used, fearplay, primal play, blood, depersonalization, boot licking, bukkake, threeway

Word Count: 5.2k

MASTER LIST

TIP JAR

"When you become separated or isolated in a hostile area, your evasion and survival skills will determine whether or not you return to friendly lines... With training, equipment, and the will to survive, you can overcome any obstacle you may face. You will survive. Understand the emotional states associated with survival. "Knowing thyself" is extremely important in a survival situation." U.S. Army Ranger handbook (Chapter 14, Sections 1-2)

"When you're on the march, act the way you would if you were sneaking up on a deer. See the enemy first" Major Robert Rogers, 1759

The sun began to set a little lower, and you were painfully lost in the middle of the woods. Your hands were cold; a bitter wind blew from behind, rustling the shriveled mid-autumn leaves over your head. It must've been hours, shambling fruitlessly through the dense forest, searching for an exit, praying you would find a way out before something else found you first.

For some reason, you couldn't remember exactly what happened earlier during the day leading up to this situation. You'd woken up disoriented, your head aching, and with no knowledge of where you were or how you wound up here. It hurt to move upon awakening, your head felt heavy and slow with drowsiness, and your joints were stiff and protested moving too quickly. It took much time and concentration to ease your body out of the fetal position you awoke from. A worn, dingy-smelling sleeping bag was the only thing separating your body from the cold ground. While a hooded jacket, long work pants, and thick-soled boots helped save you from the chill, your fingers were freezing after being exposed to the cold air unmoving for so long. As you began to rub them together to work up some friction to bring the feeling back into your hands, you spotted a rock pinning a slip of paper to the far corner of the sleeping bag where you'd be sure to find it. 

You reached out to read the note,

"You've been getting too comfortable slacking off. You ought to learn how to take your job seriously. It's time you remember who you answer to. Let's see if you can get out of this one on your own."

"We'll give you a few hours headstart. Good luck."

Beneath the message, you recognized the messy signatures of two comrades, the Demoman and the Soldier. For a moment, you sat there motionless, holding the note in your hands, unsure if this was all some elaborate practical joke. Though you had to admit, if there were two people you knew who would try to teach you a lesson by forcing you into a near-death experience, it would be these two. 

Eventually, you forced yourself to your feet, ultimately accepting that if you wanted to get out, you'd have to find it on your own. It wasn't long until paranoia began to set in. Whenever you heard rustling from the bushes, a twig snap, or any other sign of movement in the distance, you instantly froze up, looking around and over your shoulder, expecting to see them there. 

The sound of a rifle firing in the distance stopped you dead in your tracks. Any fleeting hope that all this was some "game" died at that moment. "They wouldn't kill me; they couldn't possibly go through with it; there's no way they would go so far just because you broke a few rules…" You reasoned internally, but even if you didn't think they were out to kill you, not knowing what they had planned felt much more sinister. While the shot resounded far in the distance, you got the message loud and clear: You weren't alone anymore. Your headstart was over, and the hunt was on.

Forcing yourself to stop looking behind, you faced forward and began bolting at full speed straight ahead, treading as quietly as possible to avoid making too much noise. The sun was setting faster now, causing the shadows in the woods to stretch further in the dwindling light, though it was cold comfort, as once the sun set entirely, you knew you didn't have a prayer of finding your way out. 

From a distance behind, you could hear Demo's voice, "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty-" 

His little taunt sent a chill down your spine, only spurring you on all the faster. 

"Come out, come out wherever you aa-are!" After this, you could hear the two of them taunting you from behind, and you could swear you could even hear them getting closer, beginning to close the distance between you and them.

"I'm NOT prey! I'm not going to let him get to me! I'll be free soon; I won't let them win!" You weren't a piece of meat for them to stalk and slaughter; you had to keep reminding yourself. They were taunting you, trying to get in your head, mind games, and nothing more. While you still had a decent amount of distance between you and them, you continued to move as stealthily as possible, darting from shadow to shadow, keeping your weight mainly on the balls of your feet, crouching toe-first through the foliage to keep your steps as silent. Overhead, a crow cried out abruptly, startling you and forcing you to cover your mouth with your hands to keep from crying out. You knew if they weren't hot on your trail before, they knew now exactly where you were. You were unable to keep from trembling as you heard footsteps echoing closer. 

For just one moment, you faltered, considering briefly if you stopped running, you had a chance of trying to negotiate with them, reasoning if you surrendered, maybe they would go easy on you. After all, they'd enjoyed the thrill of tracking you down, stalking you through the woods 'till they were right behind. Wasn't that enough? 

In a split second, you stopped running, knowing the two were right around the corner; you slowed to a stop, forcing yourself to stand your ground on shaky legs, knowing your hunters were right around the corner. Though the moment you were caught in Solly's crosshairs, he didn't wait for a second before pulling the trigger, sending a bullet ripping past you, clipping your hip as it fired past you.

In a matter of seconds, you went from looking at the men before you to the forest floor as you fell face-forward, using your arms to brace your fall as you screamed in pain as hot blood oozed down the side of your leg. By the grace of God, the bullet hadn't lodged inside of you, though you had no clue if that was on purpose or not. It was far from the worst pain you've felt before, but it was enough to quickly down you. You could hear the sound of the two drawing closer but were in too much pain to look up as you curled into the fetal position, drawing as inward as tight as possible, as though that would save you.

They won. You were downed and bleeding at their feet with nothing to protect yourself. Nearly all your energy and will to fight back was drained, and you felt like a lamb seconds before the slaughter. You were terrified during the chase but managed to keep your wits about you. But your sanity was slipping fast. Despite everything, you had a bad feeling the bullet-graze wound would be only the start of your pain tonight. You cowered beneath a massive oak, illuminated by the flashlight attached to Solly's rifle. Pushing yourself off the ground with a grunt, you force yourself to sit back up, your knees propped up under your chin.

You glared up at the man from your position sprawled out on the ground as he glared at you with an expression of equal anger, "What's the matter, cadet? No more fight left in ya?"

As if you could try and keep running, even if you wanted to. But seeing Solly's loaded rifle pointed at you kept you from saying anything sarcastic for fear of upsetting him. Trying to choose your words carefully, you asked, "Is this the end of the hunt?"

Solly sneered, "Do you surrender?"

Trying not to sound snarky, you answered, "Do you think I could run away like this?"

"He asked ya a question- Do ya surrender?" Demo interrupted. Though he didn't have a firearm pointed at you, the throwing ax in his hand frightened you worse than Solly's rifle. 

You nodded, having already accepted defeat. "Fine. You win, I surrender… Now what?"

"It depends. Have you learned your lesson?" Solly spoke, lowering his weapon slightly.

"What?" you questioned, almost shrill with annoyance and fear. The blood seeped in throbbing pulses from your hip, disorienting you to the world around you, and trying to decipher what these two maniacs wanted only furthered your confusion.

Thankfully, rather than lashing out again, Solly explained in his usual gruff, authoritative tone, "You're always slacking off on missions and at work back at base! Trying to ditch work and head out early! You are the laziest Engineer to ever work for our team! If Dell saw what you've done in his place, he'd shoot you! You're a disgrace to your class, you runt!"

Was that what this was all about!? "Dell, you overachieving son of a bitch!" You mentally cursed. It was tough to be an Engineer when held to the impossibly high standard set by your predecessor. You loved Dell; everybody loved Dell. But you couldn't help feeling irked whenever your work was compared to his, as no matter how hard you tried, he always found some way to upstage you. While you loved your job and working with the team, there was simply no competing with a guy like Dell. The man was a third-generation Engineer. All his life, engineering was all he knew. He was practically bred for this job. He gave everything he had to work, and it showed. Dell was nothing less than a master at his craft. You wanted to hate him for this, for showing you up, for acting so modestly and earnestly when others praised his work, even though you could tell from the look in his eye he loved every second of it. But you still couldn't hate Dell; nobody could. 

It hurt to wonder if you'd ever see Dell again. Your heart throbbed as you feared these two might just be deranged enough to go through with this, killing you in cold blood far into the wilderness where no one could hear you scream. There was no Medic here to tend to your injuries, you had no idea how far away the respawn machine was, and you had a bad feeling whatever happened to you out here wouldn't go away so quickly. And there was a good chance these two would be the last thing you'd see before you died.

The longer the two stared you down, the harder it became to keep your head clear. You were terrified to be held at their mercy with no idea what they wanted from you. You broke the silence, your voice unsteady and panicked, slightly rasping on account of how dry your throat became during the hunt. "What do you want me to tell you? I won't leave early anymore? I'll work faster? Whatever it is you want, I'll do it! C'mon, this has gone on long enough!"

Solly appeared chillingly indifferent to your pleas for mercy. "I'm not convinced." 

You grunted in desperation, turning your attention from Solly to his partner, "Demo, you show up to work shitfaced every day, and you're really going to call me a slacker!?"

His eyes were only somewhat unfocused, bearing the telltale sign of his usual intoxication, which narrowed slightly at your dig against him. "I don't need to be sober to make my bombs or to chuck 'em. And I'll shove one down your gullet right now if ya need me to prove it." You straightened and went rigid at the threat, even if he wouldn't deliver. It was disquieting to know how inclined to violence he was now. 

Solly crept forward just an inch as though spurred on by your reaction. "If you want us to get you out of the woods so soon, cadet, we could chop you up right here. Take your head home with us, and keep it on the wall. Let everyone on base know what happens to slackers."

"Look- I'm sorry for letting you down, really, I promise I am! But I'm not a slacker! I'll do better, I swear! Please, let's just go home- we're teammates, right? Let's get back to base, and we'll straighten all of this out." You desperately tried to think of any way to negotiate out of this without promising anything drastic. You wanted to argue with their emotional side, remind them you were friends, and convince them to end this terrible game. The sun set lower during your confrontation, and it was too dark to make out anyone's expression clearly, but you had little faith that either of them was convinced.

Demo snickered, lowering himself to sit back on his haunches, meeting you at eye level, "But we're not back at the base, now are we? Out here, ya ain't a comrade. You're less than an enemy, yer our prey. An' the prey don't' make orders."

Instinctively, you shifted away nervously, wanting to protect what little distance you had left between the two maniacs. Demo still had his hand wrapped around a throwing ax, and you couldn't take your eyes off it. The wicked polished metal of the ax's blade caught the flashlight's beam, reflecting menacingly.

"Aw, c'mon now, don't be so scared- we'll be gentle." Demo spoke with condescending sweetness, enjoying the visible fear on your face. You gasped in fear as you saw Demo's arm holding the ax move, as he made a show of striking the ground by his feet, wedging the weapon into the earth, remaining upright even as he pulled his hand away. You could hear them laughing, watching you flinch and yelp in fear at the fake-out. 

Demo teased, "Still spooked? Why? I thought ye said we were all friends here?" He raised both palms facing you to show you his empty hands, "I'm not gonna hurt ye. The ax is gone. Now come here." He used his pointed finger to gesture for you to come closer, though, at the moment, you were so paralyzed with fear you doubted you could comply even if you wanted to. 

The Demo wasn't pleased by your hesitance, "Don't make me come over there an' getcha myself."

It was beyond stupid to try and defy either of the men in your condition, but Demo didn't even give you time to react as he lurched forward with shocking agility, grabbing you by the collar. The action caught you by surprise, and your legs almost instantly gave out from under you, giving you just seconds to break the fall with your arms as you landed belly-down in the dirt. 

He asked, "Looks like ya got a lil blood on your shirt, lass- let me help you out of it." 

Your clothes were the last of your worries, and he knew it. You could only whine with grief as you heard Demo unearthing his ax to rip the shirt from collar to tail, then from the collar down the sleeves. Slicing your poor shirt to ribbons before pulling the useless fabric away, before doing the same to your bra. As he worked, he sat down on your ass, his weight pinning you in place. While you hated being forced into such a position, you dared not move or try to buck him off while he had an ax directly above your vulnerable body. The cold against your naked flesh made you prickle with discomfort as you listened to him fiddling with something behind you.

"Alright now, lassie, I want you to put your hands behind your back." Demo spoke with a deceptively calm voice, gentler than he'd spoken to you the entire time you'd been in the woods. You shivered in the cold but nevertheless did as you were told. Though just as your arms were in place behind your back, you felt cold metal wrap around them, and the sound of handcuffs locking them into place, you instinctively tried to lurch forward. 

Demo laughed out loud in amusement as he felt you wriggling beneath his weight, trying to worm your way out of this while your hands flapped pathetically against the cuffs. 

"Got Em locked in place for ya. 'Bout time for a real apology from this one, wouldn't ya say?"

"What the hell does he mean by a real apology?" You wondered- wasn't that what you were doing this whole time? Arching your back as high up off the ground as possible, you tried to look Solly in the eye, "But- I just, do I need to repeat it? I'm sorry I let you guys down; I swear it won't happen again! I swear on my life! I'll say it again and again if I have to." Your voice cracked, and you continued in a much quieter, frail tone, "Isn't that enough?"

Solly merely smiled down at you, shaking his head slowly before lowering himself before you, down on one knee, his boot directly in front of your face.

"I want to see you prove it. Do you want me to believe you'll start doing as you're told? Start now. I want you to kiss my boot."

You cringed hearing this, eyeing the grime caked on his shoes with contempt, though with a sickening certainty, he was dead serious. He nudged his shoe a little closer to your face, watching you wince at the sight of them. You were so tired, and begging was beyond pointless by now. The best you could muster was a half-hearted glance up at Solly, searching for a shred of humanity yet seeing nothing but grim excitement from the man.

You lowered your head closer to his boot, trying to steel your resolve and to try and get this over with as fast as possible, though as soon as you got close enough for the tip of your nose to graze the boot's leather, you involuntarily gagged at the muddy smell, knowing you were about to put your mouth directly there.

You could feel your face heating with humiliation as you heard the two men laughing at your misery. Taking a deep breath, you forced yourself to go again, holding your breath to avoid enduring the smell. Shutting your eyes, you gave a light kiss to the leather as quickly as you could before pulling away again. Miraculously, you'd escaped without any dirt on your mouth, though the after-feeling the boot's leather left on your lips was revolting enough. 

Taking your chin in his rough hand, he tilted your face up in his direction. Solly grumbled, "You can do better than that cadet- do it again."

Your jaw dropped; how could he still need more from you? "But you said-"

"And now I'm saying do it again!" He grasped your face a little tighter before letting go. It wasn't painful, but in such a vulnerable position, you couldn't help but yelp in pain as you anxiously looked down at the dirty boot.

You felt so broken down and humiliated you wanted to cry, but your will to escape this situation outweighed the fear. Drawing in another deep breath, you forced your head back down. Just as you were about to leave another quick kiss, you felt Solly's hand clamp down on the back of your neck, pushing your head forward and forcing you to keep your lips locked harder against his boot. You wretched at the feeling of muck on the corner of your lips through grit teeth. It hurt to keep holding your breath, but you endured anyway as Solly forced you to remain in the compromising position. 

When he eventually let your neck go, your head shot up at once as you spat. No dirt entered your mouth, and you could feel it on your lips as you tried to rub it off on your shoulder. From behind, you felt Demo's hand squeeze your shoulder, "Atta, girl! I knew ya had it in ya!"

You were about to try and wriggle your shoulder out of his hold, but to your surprise, Demo climbed off your back willingly as Solly rose from his kneel in front of you. You had no idea why he did it until you heard Solly sneaking up close behind you before speaking,

"Let me look at the wound." Obviously, he was talking to himself as if you could take off your bloodied, dirt-smeared work pants. Using the same ax Demo used to separate your shirt from your body, Solly tore the denim fabric directly over your rear, forcing the waist to widen enough for him to slip them off. He struggled, trying to pull them down over your heavy-duty work boots before he pulled those off as well. Your undergarments slipped off along with your trousers, leaving you without a single remaining shred of decency.

The frigid air ran over your wound with chilly needle-like pricks, and you could tell Solly had re-opened the wound, pulling your pants off causing fresh, hot blood to spill over the crusted dry wound. 

From his position on the sidelines, Demo whistled lowly, apparently impressed seeing the wound no longer obstructed by clothing. "Nice shootin! That's a deep one, alright!" 

Biting down on your cheek, you felt Solly's thick fingers awkwardly prodding at the sensitive, wounded flesh. You knew better than to hope Solly had any intention of patching you up; he only stripped you down like this to appraise his work. You weren't a wounded comrade to him; you were nothing more than his prey.

Solly crouched beside you, stroking his fingers against your hip, barely grazing the wound as he growled, "You're not sneaky. You Engineers, couped up in your little nests all day, bet you love it when you get in on the action. Bet you love getting roughed up like this."

Forcing yourself to face him, you shook your head; it was pointless to try and reason with him; whatever logic he was running on now, you couldn't hope to comprehend. 

He grinned, watching you continue struggling and cling to your last desperate hope of escaping. "Or do you just like the attention? You slack off to get us frustrated- it turns you on, doesn't it? I bet you've been waiting for this, waiting for someone to come and teach you a lesson."

Even with just your clothes torn off, before either of them really got their hands on you or even fully undressed, a pit of self-resentment settled in your stomach, and as you lay there with your hands cuffed behind your back and your belly in the dirt you couldn't help but blame yourself for all this. "If only you'd done your job like you were supposed to, you wouldn't be here! For God's sake, why couldn't you just do what you're told!" you mentally scolded, feeling the long-since burning shame intensifying slightly. To your disgust, you glanced at Solly as he picked up your inside-out, discarded pants, finding the area torn up by his bullet thickly saturated with blood. He held the scrap up to his nose, inhaling deeply, moaning as he exhaled and grunted with satisfaction. You recoiled, but he looked back at you, his face sickeningly amused, "You've been a fine little game to hunt- shame it all ends here."

You sobbed, "Please, you don't need to go through with this! You had your fun; I've learned my lesson; you don't need to take this any further!"

You could hear Demo chuckling behind you, "Aw, she must think the fun's already over. Poor lassie." 

There wasn't enough light to make anything out, and you were too broken to look either of them in the face any longer. The two men worked like one, positioning you exactly how they wanted to take you. You could feel Demo's hands on your hips, guiding you back and positioning you to straddle his lap. His hands tickled the sides of your body as his fingers ran up and down your skin in a mocking gesture of comfort. Demo's belly brushed against your back as he held you square and in place while Solly undressed. You felt Demo grinding his hard dick against your inner thigh, his strong hands keeping you locked in place despite your instinct to pull away from the unwanted advance. As unpleasant as the contact was, you were still shivering from the cold and secretly enjoyed the fleeting sensation of his body heat against your skin before he leaned back away from you. His gut, well padded by a layer of adipose over his stocky muscles and broad frame, felt warm against your shivering body. Demo was warm, but he sure wasn't comforting.

It didn't last long; as Solly drew nearer, Demo lay back, keeping you upright on his lap. You felt Solly's fist grab you by the hair, jerking you forward without warning; the sudden pain made you tense up, inhaling sharply through clenched teeth.

Solly growled, "Consider this overtime slacker. You'd better keep up."

You could feel Solly was already turned on from the thrill of tracking you down and forcing you to degrade yourself in front of himself and Demo. And sickeningly, you realized he probably got turned on watching his friend man-handling you, his little cadet, before forcing you to stay upright and obediently in place, waiting for him to get in on the action. 

Solly smirked, looking over your shoulder at Demo, "What do ya say, will you do the honors of going in first?" 

It was a sick joke, knowing they were just moments away from forcing you to endure both at once. Demo laughed lazily, "Cheers, lad."

It was agonizingly slow, feeling Demo force himself inside of you. Unfortunately, you realized he was naturally well endowed, and feeling his manhood pushing inside made you cry out in pain. He was already fully erect and even slightly lubed by a bit of spit he crudely coated his shaft with, though it hardly made any of this easier on your end. You weren't turned on and could focus on nothing but the awful burning stretch of Demo splitting you open. 

Solly had the grace to wait for his co-conspirator to fully situate himself inside before he joined in. You felt Demo's bruising hold on your thighs, forcefully rocking you forward as he started thrusting up. The entire time Demo worked on you from below, Solly had your hair in his fist, using it to jerk your head up to look at him, forcing you to give him your full attention again.

Solly growled, "Use your teeth, and you're dead; I mean it. Unless you want me to force it up your ass, you better behave, got it?" 

You forced yourself to nod, trying to push down the nauseating disgust. As Solly shuffled forward a little bit, you trembled with fear, and you were almost too scared to move when you felt his head prod against your mouth. 

This hesitance resulted in another harsh tug against your head. "Open up. Now." 

It was a simple command, but one you weren't sure you were strong enough to carry out. But with Solly's threat ringing in the back of your mind, you forced yourself to comply, trying not to jerk away or give him any further reason to punish you.

The Demo had slowed down a little, though he kept himself painfully deep inside as he wanted to get a good look as his friend continued to violate you. Clearly getting off on your suffering as he throbbed watching all this unfold. 

The feeling of both inside made you sick to your core, but you tried as hard as possible to close your eyes and think of anything but where you were now as the two began moving in earnest. You could hear Demo grunting with exertion and arousal as he picked up his pace, forcing you to ride his lap while he chased his climax. The pain of struggling to breathe with Solly's cock in your mouth made you gag, your tongue awkwardly writhing against him with uncoordinated movements. It would have been a blessing to feel his precum beginning to dribble down your throat if it wasn't so vile. 

Just as he was about to burst, you felt Solly retracting quickly, keeping your head in place with his fist in your hair and your face up, looking up at him. You coughed and wheezed as you forced full gulps of air into your lungs before you were caught by surprise when you felt him shooting his seed directly onto your face. The gunk landed in the center of your face, leaking down over your mouth and chin. The foul stuff falling in thick droplets down your chin and neck. Unfortunately, you accidentally inhaled a rogue splatter of semen in the process, the feeling of the warm, sticky residue making you wretch loudly despite the small amount. 

In the moment, you weren't even sure you felt human anymore. You were so beaten down by the past few hours psychologically and physically that you felt hollow and numb inside. Likely, it would be a while before the terror and disgust truly set in, but right now, you were nothing but a warm body, a scrap of meat. Chewed up and spat back out by a couple of predators.

At some point, Demo pulled out after keeping himself buried inside you long after he climaxed, enjoying the feeling of your warm body stretched around his sensitive cock. But you had no idea how long that was, and it wasn't until you felt Demo carefully shuck you off his lap to get back on his feet and redress that you realized he'd already come. 

You weren't even relieved when they eventually let go, feeling the cold ground below your bare skin as you waited motionless, watching the two pull their clothes back on with dull, vacant eyes. Tears welled up in your eyes, but you didn't even feel yourself crying; you were too tired, practically dead to the world. As you pouted, you felt as impotent as a child, waiting for your guardian to take you back home and let you rest. But the men before you were no guardians, and you had no idea how long it would be until you returned to your own bed.

"You did better than I thought, cadet. I always knew you were holding out on us." Now fully dressed, Solly appeared to take a moment to appraise you honestly, scanning you up and down, mentally evaluating how serious your wounds would become in the morning."What'd you think, Demo? Has she earned a lift back home yet?" 

Your head throbbed, and your vision spun too much to focus clearly on Demo's face, though even you could see the cold-hearted smile as he held his chin in his fist, pretending to ponder the question to further draw out your suffering. By now, your mind had already begun to shut itself down in the name of self-preservation. 

You looked up, seeing two men you recognized but who you would never see as comrades, much less friends, again. You didn't feel like an Engineer anymore, or even human. You felt like nothing more than slaughtered prey in the den of a predator. Cruelly left alive to bleed out with no idea what would come next.

"Ah, I suppose she's earned it. We ought to let her off easy for such good behavior." 

His eyes shined with excitement as he regarded the pitiful state you'd been reduced to with pride as he continued, "But, the night is still so young. It'd be a shame to bring her home right away, wouldn't ya say?"

[kittyangelbubble30]

I'm not asking for a lot of money, I just need a little to buy bread and some vegetables for my kids and milk and diapers for my baby Sama. 💔🙏

My campaign is verified by @gazavetters, (#334)

https://www.gofundme.com/f/struggle-of-a-mother-for-survival

GO TO THEIR ACCOUNT

[another-delta-lover]

Hey, I saw your post that you drew Classic Heavy and Gray Mann! I didn’t know someone else also shipped the two, I thought I was the only one! :) Can you draw Gray Mann and Classic Heavy holding hands? I want more content for that ship.

You can count on me if you want to see cheavy x gray mann art! i dont mind drawin em at ALL! here you go! :3 if u want more i can do more! teehee

[saltysunflowersugar]

based on something that happened in Hunger Games Simulator

[tenpixelsusie]

hey so... miss pauling... and a certain scientist

COME BACK WAIT. REAGAN? HER AND REAGAN?

[sir-broken-bones]

I live for them

to soldier, the frenchie tastes like war and mefenamic acid

[goblin-enjoyer]

Ah yes the pros and cons and cons of not really being too attached to shipping. I only really “actively” ship mainly canon/close to canon ships but even then I don’t actively ship in the first place.

Pros:flexibility in what ships you can enjoy. All romance is equally “eh sure that’s nice good for them” so from crack to canon you can enjoy it all the same. Don’t get that feeling that causes people to argue a bunch and get heated when discussing ships.(this is a hypothesis of what happens I would not know, this is alien to me at the moment)

Cons:will likely have to sift through allot of ship content for a character you like with a high chance of them being mischaracterized for the purposes of shipping. Lack the insane-o drive to make art and stuff based off of that ship.(a little theory I have about that whole thing. As I see a lot of people who have ships they are attached to seem to be filled with energy and general art power to create things for that ship. I theorize that people who have an “active ship” get high amounts of dopamine when observing people make art of their favorite ship and when talking with people who also ship that ship. So this dopamine fills them to create stuff for it to continue the cycle. Joy of creation mixed with joy from others appreciation mixed with joy of seeing their favorite ship, must be a powerful thing)

Ok done rambling on going ship ship ship ship ship and making nonsense theories about shippers having a power boost when their favorite ship is involved,going to sleep now. Ok byeee :>

[chongoblog]

Weird question, I know, but do you have any recommendations for getting into roguelikes? Or at least roguelites?

Great question! As far as the genre of roguelike/lite goes, there’s a pretty wide berth. I think it depends on what kind of experience you’re looking for.

I was gonna give a breakdown of lite vs like, but honestly I’m just gonna go down the list

Hades/Hades 2: Very good if you want to experience a story, tight gameplay, and be pretty sure that you’ll make your way to the end eventually without ragequitting. A lot of its charm comes in it being easier and focusing more on progressing story than Just Being A Wall like some of the other games on this list. Probably the best entry point to roguelikes in this whole list.

Spelunky/Spelunky 2: Remember when I mentioned a wall to throw yourself at? I haven’t played nearly as much Spelunky 2, but I can tell you that I have SOOOOO much time in the first Spelunky (hell I had a lot of time in it back when it was freeware. Now THAT was an exciting time). It’s very very difficult and unforgiving. But it’s a blast once you figure out the tricks.

Slay the Spire: THE deckbuilder roguelike. A ton of roguelikes nowadays have deckbuilder elements and I feel like a lot of it comes from this game. Can’t recommend it enough. If you’re looking for other deckbuilder roguelikes, you can try Monster Train or Balatro (warning this one is crack if you like Number Go Up)

FTL Faster Than Light: You know Star Trek? Imagine if you were a ship captain and you were in control of all the ship functions and crew members. And also everything wanted you dead. And uh oh half your crew is dead. Oh god the O2 chamber is on fire. Another one of those “Throw Yourself At A Wall” type games. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever completed a run myself, but it’s a wonderful experience every time I pick it up

Skul: Definitely one of my favorites in recent memory. A fun action platformer where you get to be a lil skeleton dude, what more could you ask for? Very similar to Dead Cells, which I’ve also played, but I think I like Skul a good bit better (DC is very good though!!!)

Dicey Dungeons: Made by the same guy who did VVVVVV, Dicey Dungeons is a very fun take on the genre, basing it around dice, and allowing for a lot of creative playstyles around the mechanic.

Binding of Isaac: I feel like this one needs no introduction, but in case it does, BoI takes most of its inspiration from the original Legend of Zelda. I have a few issues with it myself which is why I don’t play it nearly as much as I used to (mostly due to it having soooooooo much stuff that trying to remember everything is a hassle, kinda like my issue with TF2 unfortunately) but it’s beloved for a reason so it might just end up being up your alley

Other games I know about but haven’t played much of, so I can’t say much are Streets of Rogue, Risk of Rain 2, Rogue Legacy (I did play a lot back in the day but never got far), Noita, Into the Breach, Darkest Dungeon, and Crypt of the Necrodancer

If anyone else has any recommendations or if you second any of these recs, feel free to put em in the replies

[chaoticedward]

so likeeee what’s your opinion on freedom fries(soldier x spy)?? imo i love them very very very much and im so starved of any content of them that just seeing them next to each other i go “GAYYYY?????” so i will gladly appreciate any content of them if you don’t mind!!!

ANON YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE HOW HAPPY I AM THAT YOU ASKED THAT; my thoughts on this ship are long as hell so its under the cut but tldr i love them so much

i ADORE freedom fries with my entire heart!!! i think they dynamic between these two is just so hilarious like it would never ever ever work in theory but in practice these two idiots compliment each other's personalities so well. its not even like "book smarts x street smarts" which is what im usually into its like. "complete lunatic x extremely fancy gentleman with 0 patience for idiocy" but somehow soldier slipped through the cracks. theres just something that draws spy to him. im not sure what it is and i dont think spy knows what it is either but he is just so so infatuated with solly

i think that maybe spy has this internal need to "protect" soldier from his own stupidity (man can and will get himself hurt, i mean thats just canon) and i think he'd get really mad and say "dont you ever do that again!!!!" to solly a lot when he does stupid stuff, but solly just smiles in response and spy melts into his arms and everything is okay.

ofc i think solly cares a lot too but hes def a little nervous!! he really doesnt want to screw things up and probably tries to prove that he can be a gentleman every now and then (ending in horrible failure, which then ends with the two laughing and kissing) but usually he is just absolutely himself around spy and spy just adores him and his unpredictability

i actually have a whole tf2 fanfic thats abt 115,000 words long (im a huge writer) where freedom fries takes place for a little bit (but things dont work out since the Spy is a Spy, and soldier and engineer have some history) but i REALLY want to write another fic where they do work out because i essentially only included them in the story becuase i. simply wanted to indulge my love for this ship fskjfs if i ever do any freedom fries drabbles ill post them with art!

PLS PLS PLS if you have any freedom fries ideas or headcanons send them in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i will very gladly draw them!!!!

[5eraphim]

tf2 mercs: least to most fun to go shoplifting with-

(unedited/rent lowering gunshot post) 

10. Heavy

he’s not too observant and can’t help but draw attention, though it’s unlikely anyone would try to stop him even if he was caught trying to make a get away.

while he might not stop you, he wouldn’t encourage this kind of behavior. in his eyes it’s just a silly way to get into trouble, and has a hard time understanding the appeal of this.

he’s a hunter, not a gatherer an is at a natural disadvantage here. heavy is a simple man, he lives within his means, and is content to abstain from this practice.

9. Engineer

like heavy, engie doesn’t really get the appeal, but would be able to get away with stealing way easier than heavy. 

he was probably brought up taught this sort of thing was very, very wrong and disrespectful to the employees or something- or like, maybe he was caught when he was really young trying to steal idk, a toy or a snack or something in school and got in trouble and he’s never been able to shake the guilt. (he’s not a cop or anything, but would have the “I’m not mad, just disappointed” reaction if you were to proposition going lifting with him. and if he were to see a stranger trying to get away with stealing, he’s not gonna snitch.)

he’s always wearing those overalls and his work belt, so theoretically, he could empty all those out and go in with a ton of free pocket-space. he’s also on the shorter side and could easily keep his hands below the employee’s eye level.

might have a bit of fun tinkering with ways to disable security mechanisms. might randomly decide to disable a bunch of security devices and walk out without taking anything with him. just to sow a little chaos for funsies.

ok with stealing things like food if he were in an extreme situation, so long as you were stealing from some corporate chain store, and not a smaller independent location.

8. Soldier

HE IS NOT SNEAKY, HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE SNEAKY, PLEASE DO NOT MAKE HIM BE SNEAKY

the best strategy you could hope to use with him would be to just straight up ask him to go beat the fuck out of the cashier while you grab what you want and make a run for it. 

7. Pyro

it’d be fun to convince them to do this with you by pretending it’s all some game, and whoever can walk away with the most without getting caught is the winner.

when you put it to them like that, they can do quite well for themself, but prefers to stick closer to you, rather than stray too far on their own. it’s impossible to get much of a bounty with pyro, but they want to win the “game” so earnestly it’s hard not to have a good time despite the lack of reward.

always rips off soft security tags, but also likes to wear them on their clothes like stickers, completely defeating the point and getting caught as a result.

6. Spy

realistically, he’d be the best lifting partner you could ever hope for, but he’s too aware of this and would be really fucking annoying about it. you would walk away with some great loot for sure, but that doesn’t exactly mean it would be fun.

exclusively goes for ridiculously expensive items he hardly even wants or would realistically use. he doesn’t even really have anything to prove, he just does this for the bragging rights.

spy knows he has the huge advantage of being the kind of person sales associates wouldn’t assume would try to steal, even if he doesn’t want to admit it.

to people he doesn’t know- he’ll lie and say he paid for all his luxuries bc he can afford it, but people who are tighter with him know he’s stolen a decent amount of his finer treasures. 

5. Sniper

he lives in a campervan and doesn’t have too much space for cargo/personal belongings, but he’d really be in his element here, even if he doesn’t completely get the point of “the fun of stealing for the sake of stealing”

while he’s sneaky, he’s also real lanky, and would draw attention on account of being so tall, making him a solid diversion. 

he’s pretty fun to go out with, but he also only wants to go out once in a blue moon, so you’d better savor the time with him while it lasts. (he was simply not built to compute with capitalism, though he can handle small doses for the sake of a good time)

4. Scout

he’s done this all before. scout’s the little guy and has always felt the need to prove himself, especially to his older brothers/teammates/friends growing up. scout was probably hazed/dared into stealing a lot during childhood and adolescence, and has gotten remarkably good with practice. (unfortunately much like spy, he too knows he’s really good at this and won’t shut up about it.)

as the one who’s been at this forever, he likely has his own hook, a neodymium magnet, and is really good at the tinfoil trick. (you know he’s got them fast lil’ fingies) 

he’s surprisingly good at keeping his tracks covered and getting away with stealing. excels with a blitzkrieg, “get in quick, get out quicker” strategy. he’s not in it to steal expensive things, just likes to stir up a little trouble every now and then.

though, with all that said, just because he’d be great at shoplifting, he’d also be great at getting himself caught. he’s the biggest braggard, and would be way too likely to get cocky and brag about his heist before it’s over, and get himself caught and banned.

he’d be the most apt to, and grateful to accept gifts from you if he knew they were stolen. likes the idea you’d risk getting in trouble for him, and would want to try and one up you, and get you something he stole himself.

3. Demo

he wouldn’t exactly be good at this, but it would be fun. he wouldn’t shoplift alone, but is into the idea of doing it in a pack, or just with you.

realistically, he’d get a couple lifts in before he starts to get overconfident and gets himself and everyone he’s with caught.

specializes in liquor lifting, but likes to pick up little gifts for his buddies. (maybe one of the only guys who genuinely likes to gift stolen goods, rather than receive them.)

having one eye puts him at a serious disadvantage here, and he’s not too sneaky, but he’s usually pretty good at scoping out the area before trying to make his move.

2. Medic

able to strike a perfect balance of stealing expensive items, but wouldn’t take himself too seriously, and wants to have a good time above all. it’ not about stealing expensive things, so much as it is about getting loot from as many different locations as possible.

he’d likely have the coolest little cashe of the weirdest stuff he’s stolen. he’s much like a magpie in that sense, medic likes the idea of pilfering and bringing treasures back to his “nest” and having his own little secret hoard. (he likes stealing and gifting for others too, but prefers to be able to keep what he takes)

his morality is completely relative and fickle- there’s no way he would have reservations about stealing from corporations or “big money” stores, or just about anywhere he thinks he could get away with

would hide stuff in his underwear bc he is a WHORE

1. Miss Pauling

would be the most fun to go shoplifting with. she has so much stress to burn off from work, and she could have a lot of fun winding down from a long day of mortal sin and heavy crime with some lighthearted crime.

would be willing to get tipsy or stoned before going out because she’s more interested in having a good time, rather than the bounty itself.

she’s feral, she’s evil, you know her hunter-gatherer instincts go fucking CRAZY.

women be shopping

[kittyangelbubble30]

Hello🤗❤️

I hope you are well🌹

Can you help me get my voice heard

and share my family's story?🙏🏻

Can you Reblog my pinned post from my blog or donate 10$?

By helping to reblog my story, you could

save a family from death and war.🌹

Thank you very much🌸

🕊️❤️🌹🙏🏻

GO TO THIER ACCOUNT

[tf2occontest]

Navyman's Bane (Navy) VS Rico Black

(Full matchup list here)

Alright team, here's a recap: This is a contest to determine who amongst you will take the top of the leaderboards and be hired at TFI! Simply put, whoever gets the most votes gets to move on, and whoever doesn't... Well. They'll be put down swiftly and cleanly. :}

So, mann your stations, because here are your next contestants! Vote for your favorite mercenary who you want to win the TF2 OC Contest! - P

OC INFO UNDER THE CUT!

We highly encourage you to take a peek to make your decision!

Navyman's Bane (Navy)

@scoutbot

Image credit: @/scoutbot

navyman's bane is a magic sword puppeting a human corpse. they were forged during the golden age of piracy and immediately after enchanted by a wizard, granting them incredible magic power and sapience. though they were content to be wielded by humans for the first part of their existence, after getting stuck on a sinking ship, staying there for 200ish years diminishing their power by pushing away the sea, and then getting recovered and put in a museum that opinion rapidly changed.

being a demoknight for RED is the closest thing navy could find to the life they were used to in tf2's modern day. theyre certainly having fun, but sometimes they do mourn for the life they once had as something feared and respected, and not a pawn in a useless war. they love to tell (often embellished) tales of their time as a pirates sword and claim to have been wielded by just about every famous pirate and even spent time aboard the flying dutchman.

Rico Black

@blackblackheart

Image credit: @/mickmundane

Project BLAK Dossier: Rico Andrew Black

Somewhere in a dented file cabinet in an exploded base in the middle of the desert, a file that will never be found again.

(TW: Disturbing content)

—————————————————-

Name: Rico Andrew Black (Note- not true surname. True surname unknown.)

Designation: Sniper

Age At Time of Acquirement: 9

Current Age: 35

Height: 6'1’’

Weight: 125 lbs. (Note- attempts to get Rico to eat properly have met in failure. Have induced him to eat via command, does not help. Metabolism is normal. Possible bulimia/anorexia? May also be form of rebellion.)

Sexuality: Unknown (Note- Rico has not been witnessed engaging with other members of his team or other people in general in a flirtatious manner- lack of data.)

Respawn Chip?: Yes

Theater?: Yes

Aware?: No Yes- control revealed after rogue behavior, as punishment

Personality: Rico is a ‘wild child’. Mischievous and high-energy. Despite this, he has taken to his training well, and is proud-to-arrogant of his achievements and growing skill. UPDATE: Rico has grown hot-headed and rebellious. Seems to greatly enjoy sowing chaos and discord- believes himself untouchable. Arrogant, but takes little seriously but his skills. UPDATE: Upon revelation of his Theater sessions, Rico has grown sullen and detached. Melancholy has grown worse over time- swings between depressive and hateful attitudes. Has added alcohol to his vice of nicotine, drinks to excess. Attempted to steal from medical stores- stopped and reprimanded. Still functions as an asset despite this, though devoid of his previous relish.

Team BLAK asset status: ACTIVE

Signature- Dr. M. Lang, Medic

———————————————-

In a drawer in a desk in an office at Mann Co. Headquarters:

Employee File

Name: Rico Andrew Black

Date of Employment: TBA

Position: Gunman, Hunting Assistant

Notes: I found Rico at Helen’s damnable side project. After I singlehandedly destroyed Helen’s damnable side project WITH MY BARE FISTS, I asked him for a demonstration of his skills. Boy is a crack shot if I ever saw one! Offered him a job on the spot. He seemed overjoyed, as he should be! But then he seemed sad, which was the damnest thing. He said he wanted the job but could not accept it until something something soul searching something ‘getting his shit together’.

Gave him full base access, leave to fill in on needed mercenary spots, and provisions when requested. Have his word that he will take position. I am not sure how long ‘getting one’s shit together’ takes, but I do hope he won’t dally too long! There are animals that need shot and punched out by the fists of SAXTON HALE! and his trusty side gunman.

[This just got signed by SAXTON HALE!]

The Real Goods:

Name: Rico Andrew Black

Class: Sniper

Team: Unaffiliated/Freelance Stand-In

Age: 37

Rico was adopted at a young age from an Australian orphanage, to be used as part of a side project by the Administrator- an elite mercenary team, honed by intense training, genetic alteration, and mental control to eliminate Teams that Helen felt were too 'compromised'. Members of Team BLAK included similarly acquired orphans as well as members of the R&D Team, along with one unaltered 'control group' member with a suitable lack of morals and lust for murder.

Rico grew up about as well adjusted as you can expect someone raised to be an organic weapon to grow up- rebellious and arrogant as anyone who knows he can't be outshot, and in love with the concept and causation of chaos as anyone thrashing against a stifling environment their entire lives. These acts of rebellion were tolerated for a surprisingly long time, until one day. Rico still can't recall what that final straw was- all he remembers is the absolute fury on the face of Dr. Lang- Team Medic, Head of R&D Medical, and, on paper anyway, his adoptive father. As punishment for whatever that forgotten transgression was, Rico was shown his leash and chain- code words implanted in his mind to force him to obey commands given to him. He was also informed he would be kept on a tighter tether from then on.

If that was the only punishment meted out to the Sniper that day it would have been distressing enough. But there was something unintended that occured- Alexandre Coeurnoir, the Team Spy, had overheard everything, and wasn't about to let full control of another human being go to waste. From then on, Rico's life went from stifling to unbearable as he found himself at the mercy of Alexandre's every whim, unable to either tell anyone about what was happening or escape from it. He was helplessly bound in the web of a terrible spider and, as the Spy teased, there was no hope of rescue. No one would come to save him nor care enough to. Any attempts to run away was met with an eventual undeniable pull to return, and he was as blocked from taking a more permanent exit as he was from telling a soul about his torment. His only means of coping came from alcohol, nicotine, disassociation, and his one joy- his beloved motorcycle, Baby. He would ride into the desert for days at a time, denying the call as long as his shackled mind would allow, and pretend he was the apex predator he once fancied himself as.

And then…

With the other members of Team BLAK either dead or scattered to finally live their own lives, Rico has kept himself busy keeping his promise to Saxton Hale. He lives primarily at Sawmill, in a treehouse he found in the forest and has since made his own, only going indoors when winter makes it too cold to be outside at length. While solitude suits him, he has made a handful of friends and is slowly but surely learning the one thing he was never taught- how to be a human being.

[ruthytwoshakes]

LOVE WINS BABEY !!!!

I MADE THIS JUST FOR THIS POLL LMAO GO VOTE !!!

husbands,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 also was nobody gonna tell me that eggman was 6’10 huh,, little terrifying !!!!

also gave medic the whore eyes lmao ,, , thought it was fitting

happy fun alternative version!!

Why are so many people asking for Medic & Eggman to advance as a duo 😭 i want to agree i really do it would be so funny, but do you realize they would destroy everyone else?! They were by far the poll with the most votes and notes and they ended at 50/50. If all their fans joined forces no one else in this tournament would stand a chance.

That said, now that I presented to you the risks, I do still want to give you the option because fuck it, so here is a little ‘unofficial’ poll (yeah i know ANOTHER one) for the most dedicated of you.

This poll, i guarantee it, will decide their fate. I am 100% leaving this up to you and will resign myself to the result.

[zarla-s]

question: who else do you ship in the TF2 world? i personally ship Pyro x Engie and Scout x miss Pauling.

along with a few crack ships here and there.

I LOVE DEMOSOLDIER or Boots n Bombs as they call it. |D Demosoldier and Heavymedic are my true loves, but I'll roll with any ship if it's funny or cute really. I've seen some very cute Engiepyro, Heavyspy, Soldiermedic, Sniperspy, Demoscout, Engiemedic, Heavyscout, Engiesolder, Engiespy, Heavyengie, Soldierspy, Sniperscout, Demomedic, Engiescout, Pyromedic, Pyroscout, Demospy, Engiesniper, Paulingadministrator... the list goes on and on, there are so many options, haha. I'm not picky. |D But Heavymedic and Demosoldier are my favs.

[alienseason]

Like even before the new comic at this point heavymedic in Canon is somewhat of an established thing. Theres small hints that were obviously played as jokes cause as much as a lot of you like to belive; two guys being gay was most commonly a joke in 2007-2014. Like valve wasnt trying to give us little honey drops of yaoi it was probably played as a gag due to the nature of the heavy/medic combo in game. But in the context of current time where valve has grown and changed along with the world the combination of everything isn't exactly low profile? Like valve probably had no idea what hole they were digging initially, and of course, infamously the voice actors basically being fed crack from Twitter and running with it made this shit more insane. Like the entire saga of Robin attkins doing these little bits is? Kinda insane? Its DEFINITELY not unheard of for actors and voice actors to give into queer subtext or queer headcannons. It's happened as late as the late 80s. But, with the combination of everything (I guess you could include the comic artist and the infamous sauna) it's a hole that can not be covered up or dug out of. Like valve as a whole currently doesn't really seem to care what happens with tf2, but they know there are people absolutely dedicated to it. New updates, new items, new maps, new comics- pretty much all backed by only maybe 30% of valve and 70% fans. At this point, heavymedic belongs to us. You can argue what it matters if a ship is Canon or not but the idea that it led up to this is intresting. Now with comic #7 it gets more insane. When you add things together on the demented red string it is like it all led up to the perfect finale for 17 years of middle aged man yaoi.