#testing stuff out of boredom lol

[cookiiemancer]

quick drawing be upon yeeee

[singswan-springswan]

rebels mermaid au where fishman!kanan has been stuck in an aquarium for a few years but can't do anything about it so oh well. He's bored out of his mind. Misses his family :( on the bright side he never gets tired of scaring guests that come to ogle at him. Only downside is he's not allowed to kill them. He tries whenever the chance presents itself, but that's not often. So he's really bored.

Zeb's his primary caregiver. They've developed a grudging respect for each other since Zeb is usually the one saving people from Kanan during every attempt, beat Kanan up the first time Kanan went for him. Secretly Zeb is a selkie that lost his skin and got the job at the aquarium to try and get it back from that idiot oblivious bloke working the rescue & rehab branch (kallus). The condescending son of a bantha doesn't even realize his favorite trench coat to wear outside of work is not,,, technically his. Zeb's been trying for years kriff someone help him.

Hera recently transferred from another branch location of the aquarium with her apprentice Sabine, who's an intern that gained access to the merman's care and research schedule via undisclosed means. She just wants to follow in Hera's footsteps. Hera recently managed to score research access to the merman through merit, hard work, and a good measure of association with the right people. Her focus is behavioral analysis, which---surprisingly---is not a test anyone at the aquarium has yet thought to conduct (not natural behavior, at least. A few specialized tests such as range of tolerance, response to stimuli, and others cracked right off the bat).

At first Hera's given a whole shakedown by security officials "don't do this or that, log all your hours with the asset so we can assign a protection detail, yada yada" but all those rules go against the structure for her research experiments plus she's friends with Mr. Garson the chief of security and manages to sneak in at times when the cameras run on a loop and no one else is there. It's this sneaking around and deviation from routine that first catches Kanan's attention. He's curious of course, and he hasn't tried to drown this particular human before so at least it's something to soothe the boredom. But then, get this, Hera introduces herself and ohoho that ethereal voice stops Kanan right in his fishy little tracks. Then she asks for his name and it snaps him out of his goofy frozen little daze and he blurts out "Kanan" because it's the first thing that came to mind and tbh it's been a long time since he's spoken out loud much less heard his real name.

Hera is just as surprised to hear him talk, actually. She'd been told that the merman didn't exhibit signs of high intelligence (lol) and had been acting pretty bestial so don't expect much engagement. It takes him two seconds to start chatting her up and then like two more seconds to fall hopelessly in love because come on she's hera and he's kanan. Zeb and Sabine eventually catch on to the late night sessions and join in a few times. Where's Chopper in all of this? He's probably a cat that just lives at the aquarium rent free and steals fish and knocks stuff over because he's a kriffing criminal. You'd think an animal that fat would be easier to catch and get rid of but no one's ever managed to do it so they just glare at him bitterly whenever he appears because they know there's not a single thing they can do to stop him. He did primarily terrorize the campus that Hera previously worked at and she brought him with when she transferred.

Enter Ezra after a few months or so idk. Rip the poor guy. He's another mer that got snatched from the sea somewhere and dumped in the aquarium after being subjected to all the same tests and experiements that Kanan had to survive when he was first taken. He's totally out of his element, confused and disoriented and thoroughly traumatized expecting at any moment to be pulled from the enclosure again and subjected to more "scientific" torment. Kanan is very startled to see Ezra. It's been years since he's seen another mer, and this one is just a kid. He's only fifteen! How could they just throw a kid in here for guests to gawk at? It must be the money. As far as Kanan knows, he's one of few mer in the whole world living in captivity, so the rare sight is really attractive for humans and they'll pay big bucks to come and stare all day. He's gotten used to it after years waking up to their dumbstruck faces every morning, but this is all very new to poor Ezra who is fresh off torture, going through puberty, and far more alone in the world than Kanan ever was. The kid takes to tailing Kanan all over the tank, glued to his side and can barely sleep because he's afraid Kanan will get up and leave him alone. At first the clinginess annoys Kanan but he eventually caves to compassion and does his best to offer comfort to the frightened boy.

Sabine asks Ezra if he knows any siren songs, as a joke. He brightens and tells her yeah actually, a pod of his whale friends taught him one and he's not quite perfected it yet but would she want to hear him practice? Not knowing any better, she agrees. Kriff can Ezra sing. Sabine goes catatonic for an hour or so. When she wakes up in the morning she calls in sick and spends hours and hours nonstop painting in her room at Hera's apartment, tears streaming down her face. The art she creates is absolutely breathtaking and if you tilt your head just right it looks like music too. Sabine keeps it covered.

Kanan jokes that Hera must have been a siren in a past life. Instead of getting flustered she bombards him with questions about his culture's take on the afterlife and would it really be possible that she was a mer? He has to backtrack while Zeb laughs at him. No, reincarnation is not a thing as far as his people are concerned. They don't even leave their bodies behind when they die. Apparently that seafoam thing is legit. Why else do you think they never discovered mermaids existed before capturing a live one? Hera's taking notes so fast her paper is smoking.

They order pizza a lot and just hang out together eating pizza at the poolside of the mer enclosure. It's really peaceful at the dead hours of night so there's lots of deep conversation, watching of movies, general cultural exchange, etc. etc. It doesn't take Hera too long to figure out that hey um,, these mers are people too. Why are we treating them like animals and putting them on display? They should be free and stuff. She and the rest of Ghost crew free Kanan and Ezra, maybe with the help of some others. Ahsoka swings by to give them a hand because she's got crazy powerful sea magic apparently and can give herself legs whenever the kriff she wants. Her good friend Rex might make an appearance too idk he happens to be related to a number of the security detail (corries) who hate their jobs and boss and would be more than willing to stick it to the corporation by liberating the aquarium's most prized assets. Kallus got roped into their found family by this point. He still hasn't given Zeb the skin back though what the kriff man. Is Leia there? I'd like to think she's a lobbyist for marine conservation or something, mostly because she visits her dad every weekend and the water tastes like crap sometimes especially when the big corporations play loosey goosey with polluting regulations and sea magic can only do so much to prevent extensive damage to the environment. Luke is not an activist he's just friends with Ezra so he can be a part of it too "oh him? That's my friend Luke. Yeah he can shapeshift cause his mom is human" Luke waves and everyone is too tired to question him or his chaos freak terrifying twin sister.

Oh turns out Chopper is a sea sprite? Feral mercat thing dear lord. Utter terror. The twins don't miss a beat with him because their dad has a bigger one with twice the level of cunning and an even higher body count, if that's believable (Ghost crew cannot fathom a body count higher than Chopper's but they're too afraid to ask at this point).

Anyways everything works out in the end and happily ever after and stuff. I just have fun with merm aus and *technically* this is the last day of mermay innit so i'm popping off

[nanjokei]

i think the spread of character ai usage (and ai art generation usage also) is definitely an issue with people wanting instant gratification which actual rp usually is just not sustainably built for unless you're doing chat rp, even then your friends aren't awake 24/7 waiting at beck and call to entertain you. it's not literally entitlement, but it 100% stems from entitlement to be entertained constantly and passively instead of actually going out and finding something to do.

god this sounds like such boomer shit but the creation of endless scrolling like on tiktok with specifically tailored algorithms has made people so PASSIVE. ai can never come close to human creators but if people, especially the younger generation, are getting too cozy with choosing it over seeking out other human beings (whether it be indirectly via consuming fanmade work or directly via actual collaborative stuff like online roleplay), then how different is it from the ai "winning"? i don't think any of the excuses are valid. it's a subpar product in every way. it's almost never im character, it breaks if you propose anything too left field, and it's ultimately empty wish fulfilment and i have no idea how anyone past the age of 16 AT BEST gets any gratification from it. is it just the spread of a lack of reading comprehension? OPEN THE SCHOOLS!!

i do think it's an issue of people not being comfortable with boredom, always needing instant gratification, not wanting to sit down and hone a craft, or give the people who hone a craft themselves the time of day because they can't crank out """content""" for you 24/7. in a way, i'm thinking right now, when i'm bored i just channel surf on tv even if i don't do it as much anymore. but most people don't have tv anymore (personally we pirate iptv so LOL). i don't blame it on that necessarily, but i think with the rise of streaming, you just sit there on a media library staring at a bunch of thumbnails and posters, having to make a decision on how to invest your time. in this case, i get why people are so passive. tiktok is easier, character ai is easier. because i never ended up watching anything whenever i opened netflix (when we had it years ago). one could argue that watching tv is passive, but there's still a choice. you check the tv guide or google it and you know a certain show is on tv a certain channel at a certain time so you keep that in mind. what do you do in the meanwhile? i remember when that was an actual routine for me. i'd be slacking and not doing my homework, so maybe i'd draw a bit, maybe i play on my ds for a while, maybe i go make myself a snack or bake some pastries if i have all day, maybe i continue a book or even surf the web a bit.

the instinct of "aight, im gonna do something else on my own while i wait" is kind of dying. yes i'm on my phone! the difference is my use case. these days i'm not on social media aside from here so i don't use it as much aside from talking to friends on messaging clients and playing games (rarely tho). i say this as someone who stares at the ceiling not doing anything for a good bit each day, but at least i feel like i still have retained some ability to sometimes go, ok time to learn about a new hobby! i don't have to even pick it up. just entertaining it is gratifying on its own. i'm not a writer, but sometimes i'll write a little bit for fun then go "yeah i get why i don't jive with this". lately, i've been interested in competitive pokemon (with not much interest before) because i've been replaying platinum. i research a bit, watch videos, i even got a little brave and tested some sample teams on showdown. it was a fun time killer! i might keep doing it. i might even do it later today. i started reading pokespe too to scratch the pokemon itch too. and it's not like i don't suffer from crazy hard executive dysfunction but hey, this is a product of my effort. lately i've been thinking i wanna pick a character in guilty gear and learn at least one combo! trying new things is fun!!!

i'm sure this post sounds self important, self impressed, self absorbed (c-c-c-combo breaker) and boomer ish as fuck but honestly i don't care anymore. if someone who struggles with simple tasks on the daily like me can find shit to do that isn't just instantly caving to endless scrolling and resorting to chatting up an AI then i'm sure most people can too. it is so much more gratifying actively seeking out fun than to be passive about it.

[devilsskettle]

okay i do think i need to start getting serious about getting tested for adhd soon <- been an active conversation since i was 8 years old + my mom only got diagnosed with adhd after i told her i thought i might have adhd in high school so she started looking into it more in an adult context but she was talking to my teachers and doctors about it since elementary school and nobody ever fucking helped me and based on her experience with the diagnosis process i don’t fucking trust any of these fucking doctors it seems like they actively want you to struggle as much as possible to even humor the tiny tiny tiny possibility that your suspicions of adhd symptoms could maybe have some basis and i honestly can’t think about having a doctors appointment without imagining chewing out some poor random doctor for everything about this process that i’m mad about that i will definitely project onto them which may or may not be fair but will not be helpful for me to do lol but it took me almost 10 years to finally go to a doctor and be like hey i think i am severely depressed and have been for a long time and i literally never went back to my pcp because of how dismissive she was of my experience when i asked her about adjusting my medication and that’s one of the “easy” mental illnesses to have hahaha and now i’m scared they’re going to use my depression as leverage that since poor concentration is a depressive symptom that might rule out adhd and like there is some possible overlap with symptoms but for a while i’ve been like well i think there is more at play here actually, i feel like i’m having some other problems that aren’t really depressive symptoms and i’ve even had suspicions that i could be bipolar because i have some stretches of time when i have more energy and can be a lot more. well. hyperactive. hmmmm. and i’m always like could this be mania? i don’t think it’s severe enough to be mania tbh but could it be hypomania? or is this normal? tbh it doesn’t seem normal either but have i been depressed so long that i don’t know what normal is? but if that IS part of my baseline and i am hyperactive sometimes because i have a disorder with “hyperactivity” in the name then that would actually make a lot more sense not to mention problems with executive function, bad grades, obsessive focus on whatever thing i’m into at any given moment, time management problems, racing thoughts, chronic boredom and understimulation. and look i know it’s trendy rn and i know that they could easily see me as a drug seeker especially because if i were to be diagnosed i would want to be medicated (i wish i was still medicated for my depression tbh but again i dropped my pcp 2 years ago and never looked back so i ran out of antidepressants ages ago. rip) but i think its unfair to use that against people who just want to be able to be on the same level of adult functioning as everybody else because i cannot keep up with basic household tasks and work full time and be in school part time (i’m not even in classes rn because it’s the summer and there’s no way i could be in this program if it weren’t offered online and even then i absolutely did fail a class last semester and i’m still waiting to see what the consequences of that are gonna be. hehehe.) but like the state of my room is appalling, mainly exacerbated by my laundry situation in that i never fully put it away AND i think there’s something wrong with our dryer, i always just get random “groceries” like quick meals and snacks from fucking cvs because it’s too expensive to get real groceries delivered especially since when am i going to actually cook???? our kitchen isn’t huge anyway but i definitely don’t have the kind of energy i need to cook AND do the dishes which i am so bad at doing that i have stopped using dishes, i will use a paper towel or i will buy stuff that is already in a container so i don’t have to dirty any more dishes. which is why i have no dishes in our sink rn or for the past couple of months JUST FOR THE RECORD but its not because i’m a paragon of cleanliness and maturity lol

obligatory paragraph change because of the character limit!! i have had to be given multiple “verbal warnings” at work for frequent enough tardiness that it was noticeable and on one hand it’s like lol a verbal warning. okay i am shaking in my boots but it’s also just another mark against me in the opinions of the people making decisions about who might get promoted or not and i don’t have a great “escape plan” from this current job especially since i don’t know where my future will lie academically with my current grades and that was like. my whole plan to have a better career trajectory lmao so another option could be 1) apply to be a supervisor in my current department if a position ever opens up? <- won’t happen because they think i’m “timid and shy” and consistently late and don’t like me or think of me in any position of authority even though i know everything there is to know about my current department other than like. ordering stuff for the store and how to close the cash drawer at the end of the day which supervisors and managers do. 2) apply for a job in a different department <- also won’t happen because a lot of positions require a drivers license for no apparent reason and they’re super weird sometimes about hiring internally and as we established they don’t like me or see me in any other role despite consistently, i believe, demonstrating my competence. we have performance reviews coming up this month and i am basically ready to jump off a bridge anticipating bad feedback for stupid reasons. but my manager said good things last time so maybe i can start saving some evidence of good feedback to whip out if i ever do apply for anything internally. even making the switch from part time to full time in the same role same department same everything was like a truly painful and humiliating experience i am not prepared to do all that again hahaha. anyway. ummmm all that is to say that i do think there are some behavioral problems i have that could be symptoms of adhd that are negatively impacting my life in a significant way. but w/e idk what doctor will ever listen to me because i’m so “timid and shy” <- said this twice in quotes because that’s a real thing the guy from hr said to me when i first applied to switch to full time and i did give him pushback on that in the interview but like that’s how people see me because i have a naturally soft speaking voice and i don’t say everything that i think all the time and don’t need to be the center of attention constantly or beg for other people’s approval and i mind my own business!! i’m in guest services i’m literally not too timid to talk to people lmao and the coworkers i like i can be very chatty with. he said this after meeting me twice for 5 minutes in a role i wasn’t usually scheduled in at the time and all of my performance feedback was based off of that. sigh. one of my coworkers who is this sweet older lady calls him “the rat” and literally hates everyone in hr so much hahaha it’s honestly so validating to me. anyway they don’t diagnose quiet girls with adhd but luckily i’m not successful like my mom was so i have a lot more “evidence” that this could be a real problem than she did and she was still definitively and emphatically diagnosed with adhd by a specialist who did NOT want to diagnose her with adhd and told her as much. so maybe they’ll see it as something real that they should really consider and give me a real solution for but i don’t trust that they will at all tbqh the process that my mom went through seems like my personal hell of paperwork and doctors appointments and talking about your feelings and your failures and having a series of people dismiss you and actively work against you to get anything productive done. AAAAAA but i do feel like i need to do it if i want to stop wasting my life and try to get on the right track again and if they really really really tell me i’m wrong and that i don’t have adhd then i will listen as long as they give me some next steps to help me figure out what the actual problem is then. tbh though like i said

another obligatory paragraph break!! i’ve considered other possibilities and part of the diagnosis process is ruling out any other possible underlying causes but before typing the word “hyperactive” about how i sometimes get a burst of energy for a couple days like that, i did not even make a connection between when i wondered if i could be manic/hypomanic vs whether that could be adhd hyperactivity unhampered by depressive gloom. like i kind of want to pull my hair out in frustration feeling kind of dumb that i considered mania before i considered the hyperactivity disorder hahahaha but anyway. i will send some emails tomorrow morning, my mom (unprompted by me) sent me an email with a bunch of resources to get tested lmao and since she has already gone through it i feel like i can at least see what happens and my process will probably be a lot easier than hers for a LOT of reasons (childhood history + testimony from people who have known me from my childhood to now, family history obviously, demonstrable evidence of adverse effects on my life and general adult functioning) so i should at least try before i really fucking lose my mind or fuck up my life any more than i already have lol

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

wait but imagine if dentist eclipse is just building random stuff in his room to combat the depression and boredom and is just constantly known in his apartment complex to be the loud neighbor who's drilling nietzsche knows what at some unholy hour of the morning

also fully supporting the idea of a grandma who is probably the only one who eclipse talks to in the apartment complex. she made him cookies one time even tho he can't eat (he just. left them in his pantry and forgot abt them) and her dog (it's a border collie because shut up I said so) is always racin around and getting into the dumps out back and so eclipse has to fish him out and hand him over

there's also a single mom with two girls a couple doors down the hall; the girls ran into him once while he was testing something out and now they just refer to him as the weird mad scientist who lives next door (this association makes them realize that mad scientists are less mad and more sad than fiction taught them lol). he'll give them his relatively harmless contraptions that didn't work the way he wanted them to for them to mess around with

[leffee]

This stuff is long so I'm putting tl;dr here: I'm considering writing lps requests if anyone's interested and you can put them in my inbox, but before that what you really need to read is the second to last paragraph, rest you can skip if you don't feel like reading. Even shorter tl;dr: Fuck it, we ball.

Soo uhhhhhhhhh I've been thinking. About what? Actually writing some lps fanfics. Now, if you scroll down a bit, or maybe you just remember for whatever reason (seriously though, why would you), I did say before I won't write fanfics for lps, in a nutshell because I probably won't get any sort of reactions because of the sheer reason that this fandom is muniscule and even those who are here might simply not like what I write or how. And they have the right.

But fuck it, soon I will take all my tests and after that? Summer vacation, yipee! Well yeah, except that I know that after a while I will be bored to tears, it happened before, it will happen again. So I had a little diddly thought. Because of the sheer boredom and enjoyment of lps I might try writing something if anyone wants.

So if any of you have some requests, put them in the magical inbox (or dms if you for whatever reason prefer that :3). Sure, I might get nothing, but then again I never expected so many asks about lps either, so I'm willing to try, besides it's low risk high reward, so why not?

Just a few things, I will most likely write short fanfics, drabble-like, though if I am really inspired or something maybe I will randomly produce 5000 words, who knows? Preferably tell me if you want me to write about the pets, human au, or alternatively the sort of anthro universe (which in my case basically means they have animal ears and tails lol) unless you genuinely don't care. As for now I would like to only include the main 7 pets, but maybe that will change. And please for now only request fanfics with 2 maybe 3 pets whether a ship or not. Heck, you want me to write about Russell organizing his clothes? I'll do it. Basically I'm testing the grounds for now, everything here might change.

Don't expect much ehehe, but I'll try if someone actually requests. If you do, feel free to send as many asks with separated requests as you want. If you want to have at least an idea of how I write you can check out my Wattpad account (link is in bio), however be warned that there aren't any lps stuff there, just Undertale, but I guess it gives idea what you're potentially getting yourself into. This is open as long as this post's here I guess, we'll see.

[omori-sv-au]

Just wanna talk more about the gator guys I Made lol

Fredrick is known to cry laying on the floor before his shift starts and during any breaks. He has done this so consistently(every day since week one) that he has a designated corner so he’s not a tripping hazard. He read through the whole contract and asked questions sure, but he may or may not have thought most of it was ‘if necessary we can’ and not ‘we will’ and didn’t realize until he talked about it with some of the others. He’d probably drop an anvil on the boss if he wasn’t sure it would get him hunted down and likely killed(especially if he survived).

Damascus was your classic jock in high school, literally did every sport she could which is how she ended up able to carry bodies around with relative ease. Volume control and appropriate actions for each scenario are lost on her, it could be a funeral or a birthday party and she will be acting like it’s a concert. Mostly just sucks up to Fern for validation and rare smiles(the gay is strong with this one, but she seriously has no idea how to actually try to make it clear she likes someone nor that it’s not the best to do this). She unofficially has a pet bird, it just flew into her house and refused to leave so now she feeds it and it screams for pets. Might actually not have a contract?? It’s unclear if she just had separate jobs and was supposed to be freelance or if she signed a contract, she can’t remember either, but she still shows up every day as if she does and has no qualms about it.

Fern used to be a ballerina and still carries herself with all the grace of one. She grew up in Vegas so after moving to Far Away the idea of a casino hotel was halfway like being home again(THERE ARE CASINOS IN THE AIR PORTS EVEN, THERE ARE CASINOS IN THE HOTELS.) and it was a familiar job. She wasn’t even phased by the last resort contract, she’s used to ones that are much worse and are probably illegal(the worst was 1 hour a day for 30$ Monday-Sunday… but then you had mandatory 8 unpaid over time every day and they’d keep you there by force if necessary and if you didn’t show up they’d have a group of people go to your home to bring you back) so seeing last resorts’ it was extremely reasonable in comparison- even has health care and dental! One time she walked into work with a mini playground in a case that’s clear and there was a tarantula she picked up on a hike in it eating a cricket because she wanted to test if wild tarantulas can easily adapt to captivity, the day the boss was coming around for a check in was arguably not the best day to do this. She literally does not care about Damascus, but usually uses her affections to convince her to do almost anything(mostly inconvenient day to day things honestly).

The art project that Oliver is working on is a giant sculpture of a pack of velociraptors hunting a few protoceratops, he wants to bring it to an art festival in a few years. He collects light bulbs for it since it’s entirely made of glass and it’s an easy source of glass(especially with how big the hotel is.)

Emmie works at night right? When villain stuff is happening, right? They have on multiple occasions just been in the background fixing a light switch, making sure a vent is functioning, swapping out ac controllers, or mending wires while super important villain stuff is happening. They always listen in and gossip about it if they’re around only other staff.

Robert at this point is considering ‘missing one part’ of a document or really anything so it’s clear that money is coming in due to villain stuff just so he can LEAVE. He wouldn’t but he is definitely thinking about it. Maybe he could burn his contract and get the people he owes favours ors to agree to let him be, and then get out.

Helle is sorta thinking about also getting into the more crime side of last resort out of sheer boredom. He really doesn’t want to give up being able to mess with guests he doesn’t like though, so he’s being careful in his planning of this.

YESSSS YESSSS DUDE IM LITERALLY EATING ALL THIS UP IF U EVER HAVE MORE FEEL FREE TO SEND IT IN I LOVE UR GATOR GUYS SM

FIRST OF ALL FREDRICK IS GOING THROUGH IT HELLO????? BRO CRIES EVERY SHIFT???? being a gator guy is not easy………. poor dude i also wish i could drop an anvil on hero

DAMASCUS STRONG WOMAN HELL YEA!!!!!! she is so based and silly omg……… and gay which makes her MORE based (shes just like me fr)

but omg fern….. yea id bet her job makes her feel at home if shes from vegas LMAOO but omg??? her dynamic with damascus is so interesting……

also holy shit olivers art project sounds actually insane when he brings it to an art show that shit better get all the attention bro is making it out of last resort lightbulbs

EMMIE IS SO SILLY THO….. they get the privilege of seeing what happens at night and then just gets to gossip about it LMAOO thats so funny id probably do the same

and oh my god poor robert holy shit LMAO dude wants OUT so bad…. feel bad for the dude he is not happy at all

also HELLE BRO DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH THE VILLAIN STUFF…… ITS NOT AS SILLY AS U MIGHT THINK!!!!!

[pretzel-mansion]

I worked for a sub sub contractor for the us military for a year cause I wanted a job that hired fast and made big money fast. I've always been morally against the military but I caved because the job market sucks & I had the dumb hope that I'd be doing space stuff (nope lol).

It was rough because I was quality and therefore had to check off each individual missile part before it was shipped. But I wasn't the last person in the chain so I couldn't just pass broken shit, and even if I did im sure I'd get fired and end my career prematurely. Luckily my boss basically forgot about me for most of my time there so I wasn't assigned many tasks despite the company being so busy. But unluckily I was in a small windowless room so boredom became agonizing. I actually looked forward to the times when I got to work, and even asked for work too, but I felt awful because I knew I was facilitating death.

At first I had no idea how any of my coworkers were able to feel okay about doing this kind of job. When I talked to them most seemed like normal people, not evil warmongers. But I began to understand as time went on. You get desensitized to it all. The process is completely divorced from the results, so what you're actually focused on are the targets management forces you to scramble towards, or all the red tape you have to wade through. When you somehow get the shipment of missile parts out for the week, thats a miracle, not a tragedy. I eventually got more responsibilites as the year went on and I felt that desensitization come over me, and I hated it. I felt disgusted for not caring, but I didn't know how to care anymore.

I can very well see how my coworkers could jump for joy when seeing a test missile blow up a demonstration SUV, that's all their struggles at this job being realized! The reality that in that SUV there will be human beings, with their own struggles that will never get realized, just doesn't come to my coworkers minds while they celebrate.

A coworker of mine cried during his last day working there. I can understand cognitively why he was crying, he was there for a while and was friends with many people there, but I could feel no empathy. I'm very happy to say that my last day was one week after his, and my quitting left my department in disarray. I screamed in relief on my last day.

I can't read one report on air strikes without thinking there are people whose job is creating these weapons and they make six figures or more doing it and their family will live a comfortable life on that money. It will never leave my mind that this is an industry

[sonicasura]

Oh hidden recordes are for certain that still works even if you turn off the ones found in deck room. Which is a observers deck outfited with a lot of cool stuff. It was necessary that Kafka's room had this from the start, as he needed to be monitored for the first few years after they had finally gotten Kafka to safety.

It took a long while for everyone to feel it was safe enough to not monitor him 24/7. Especially after the first self-harm incident.

Theres no pushovering with Kafka indeed. At least when it comes to things like this after the hell he'd been through. Soshiro is still able to push Kafka every now and then, but the swordman knows to only do so when needed. He has a conscious and common sense, and he also don't need Mina and Mama Hibino breathing down his neck.

Mina of course trust him to not abuse this fact. But Mama Hibino needs a bit more time to fully believe in the swordman.

And Kafka gets asked first if it is okay to bug his room. With Tiny listing in has the himbo is infomred further on the plan to trap these jerks. Tiny is more than happy to play along, especially after Kafka gives a better explaintion on what exactaly these recording devices are once the himbo goes to sleep. Its easier to communicate that way. Even after centuries has pass, the small kaiju struggle with modern technology, so he is happy Kafka don't mind explaining what he can.

And screwed indeed. While I'm still working on what exactly happened with Kafka those two years they had him, I can tell you now that before Tiny got implanted inside Kafka, the himbo went through all kinds of horrid tests and what nots. Mainly to figure out what they were going to use him for. And to say the test were inhuman is a compliment to say the least.

Some of the test was just done for sheer entertainment and out of boredom. Which was always the worse for Kafka as it meant a lot of pain by the end.

He also got his DNA modified too. Not too much though, as the project Kafka and Tiny was part of needed Kafka's DNA to be as stable as possible, aside from a few modifications they deemed needed to succeed.

Mama Hibino just judging everyone who wants to see Kafka except for Mina and the two kids, lol. Tiny gets some extra enjoyment in trolling the fouler officers. At least this technology isn't as highly advanced like Ratchet and Clank. (Rip that Tiny since there were obvious shenanigans.)

Dreams are honestly the safer approach when talking to something inside your mind/body. Not as dangerous or taxing like in a fight for instance. Plus meditation is probably a harder away for Kafka to try and communicate.

Oof. Then again, I'm trying to fight writer's block to do the MAG!Kafka prologue and what I have ain't nice either. People can be cruel especially if no one stops their behavior.

[lifewithoutmeds]

February 16, 2023

well well well.

things were just going too well, weren’t they. and i was getting just too comfortable.

what’s happened since last week?

let’s see. lorena .... lorena did this and that. lorena lorena lorena. lorena shaped my week, my days, my activities, how i felt about myself, and i felt about my life in general.

tuesday after the airport run, lorena came back and we went to BJ’s to stake out hot waitress. however her shift was ending and we just caught a glimpse but lorena was able to confirm what i feared, which is that i may have been mask fished, and my beloved was not the beauty i may have thought. oh well. 

wendesday must’ve gone into work. the days are a blur. thursday? work? from home? sure? friday? i dunno. saturday morning i had brunch with amy lee at my favorite local diner foxy’s, and had my usual eggs benedict with hash browns, which i ate completely and enjoyed thoroughly. amy was less enthusiastic about her meal, but packed a lot of it to go, thinking she might be able to reconstitute it later into something more palatable. we had an enjoyable chat/catch up, and resolved to do this more often, possibly even as a monthly regular event.

she then took me home due to the unseasonably cold temperature, and i got home to see lorena waking up on the sofa. she proceeded to convince me to start watching The Last of Us while she power cleaned for a couple hours and washed the many many dishes. afterward we went to los feliz flea where we looked at stuff, she bought some lingerie for v day, and we said hi to vicky at her camera stand. we then went home and we made a really delicious meal of ride, roasted asparagus, and chicken thighs marinated in garlic and a sauce of chili, honey, soy sauce, and rice wine vinegar. i marveled at how good it was. i’m glad i didn’t stop myself from the profuse compliments, because little did i know, that would be my last meal with her.

lo wasn’t feeling so hot so right before she left to work, she took an at home covid test and tested positive, and hence had to call out sick. she decided to go quarantine in Rancho since her aunt had a vacant guesthouse, and took off for the next few days (or so i thought LOL).

we kept in touch, and i learned later that she would not go to Rancho, but rather, to a hotel as she was “too tired”, and afterward, would be “convinced” to go to her gf’s instead, to “isolate” there, despite then being directly in close contact with another human. she “isolated” sun-tuesday, and on valentine’s night decided to move to her aunt’s, so as not to “continue to?” expose her gf as her gf had planned to have friends over later in the week.

so we texted intermittently, from tuesday-wednesday, and she was going back and forth on whether to go home to visit laika since work had indicated that she need not come back the following weekend, and by the end of the day she had resolved to go on thursday or friday. however, on wednesday while i was at work, she “confessed” to having watched/completed the White Lotus season 2 by herself in boredom, though we had been watching it together up until that point. i was a bit hurt, because that was kind of one of “our” things. we watched it together. we reacted together. we waited for each other. and suddenly she was done waiting, and just watched it on her own. i felt left out, and got a bit quiet during the texts, but she didn’t seem to care/mind/catch on, and so we left it at that.

this morning she texted to see how i was doing and i texted to see what her plans were for visiting her home when she dropped the bombshell: not only would she not be visiting home despite having the weekend off of work, and despite having just tested negative for the covid, she would be staying in rancho for the rest of the month, and don’t worry, i could keep the rest of the rent she’d prepaid, and oh, thanks for everything.

i was floored. i had started walking for my noon lunch walk, and was glad i did, because i needed to stay in motion. i teared up a little, maybe from allergies, maybe from emotion, but i teared up for a few blocks and didn’t ask too many follow up questions as i generally would, because that would mean i was invested, emotionally, and i needed to stop being, because she had already decided to take a quick detour out of my very real, very physical, tangible life.

her rationale was that she really enjoyed having her own space and that her aunt was “bribing” her to stay. i didn’t want to counter with a higher “bribe,” so left it at that. later she indicated she would be coming by to pick up her things and leave me the key. as it would happen, fate would dictate that grace and vicky would be coming to the condo later that afternoon, so i asked her to come before 5 so as not to create an awkward run in.

she came around 2:50, packed her things, and was done within 15 minutes. a few hangars, two shelves, two books on the bookcase, and some toiletries. i had prepacked her a bag of her bacon box, cheetos, 2 new packs of altoids, toilet paper, crest whitening toothpaste, penne pasta, her annual fishing license, work-related papers, and an extra tube of her favorite neutrogena water-based sunblock. i had to take a quick call around 3 as she took her bags to her car, and right after 3 i handed her last bag, she said thank you for everything, and she asked if i wanted to talk and i said no, but i could feel the tears sprouting from my eyes. she said something like, she needed a moment to compose herself, and that her least favorite thing was to cry in front of someone, and after a second, i took another swig of my whiskey, and we did a light goodbye hug and she said something like, we’ll hang out right?. if you want to? and i think i nodded. and she left. and i saw her walk out, and i saw her put the bag in her car, and i saw her car drive away. and i saw her little icon move away on google maps and she was gone.

i cried. i cried while she was here, though i tried to hide it, and i wept bitterly when she was gone. i drank whiskey. i texted people. i cried for help. i received some, some strained sympathy, some strained empathy.

i know i’m taking it personally when i shouldn’t. i know this will be better for me in the long run. i know that i had an unhealthy attachment that went longer than it should have, and fortuitously, ended sooner than it was anticipated to. i know i was playing at normal for a not-normal situationship that was probably not good for me.

but i know i’ll miss her, despite it all. and i’ll miss ... just everything. the guitar jam sessions, the attempts at stardom via youtube. i don’t have a ton of faith that we’ll have much of anything now, and i don’t know why. and i know that if it was always that tenuous to begin with, that fragile, that i should just be relieved that it’s gone now and not without its grasp on me. but i will miss her, bitterly, tenderly. why, in her goodbye, would she question a continued friendship? why, if it was a consideration, was it concluded, that i would be left aside.

i watched her location for some time, dodging in and out and through atwater village, to/around a wine shop, to a restaurant, and then finally out and back to reyna’s. i wonder a bit what she’ll say to reyna. if she’ll express sadness. or relief. or whatever. i don’t know .... she seemed to understand/predict that somehow cutting off her stay here was also cutting me off, and yet she went through with it. she was okay with it. she decided to do it. for whatever the reason. i was left on the cutting board. and she’s with reyna, who’s comforting her if needed. and who do i have. vicky, who’ll be coming by soon with her dogs, having just ended things with her much younger bf last night. grace, who low key doesn’t care about me most the time.

so.

she’s with her gf.

once again. i am crying. alone. the other party cares not. wants not. i weep over someone who weeps not, and enjoys the comfort of those who love her.

once again. i am in an unreciprocated situationship. once again, i am giving my best to one who casually shrugs it off, and leaves it discarded.

fool me once, shame on you. fool me for the nth time, shame on me. shame. shame.

[inkofamethyst]

December 15, 2022

Every time I tell someone that I don’t really play video games but that I’m really into video game music they always press and are like “but you must play some games, right?” like listening to vgm without the game is the wildest thing they’ve ever heard and like I’ll say “haha yea I mean I play Skyrim and Minecraft” but I play MC so so sporadically and I can’t admit to people that I haven’t played Skyrim in years because I didn’t like going into the caves where the draugur are because they scare me and I’d run out of quests to do aboveground.  And nobody knows about Sky, so.  Like, videogames as a medium are so amazing for storytelling, and I love those elements, but, as a woman, I simply am not good at them.  Everyone knows that the gamer gene is stored on the Y-chromosome.  The boys make gamer juice in their testes, and I simply cannot compete.  The closest I can get biologically is liking vgm and I only do that to attract men, clearly, because I’m not like other girls.

I’m not actually mad about it lol.  I actually find the phenomenon to be kind of funny.

Went out to get food with my photo-friend who.. reminded me once again that I should get out of my head when it comes to dating and stuff.  Like,,, okay.  I do not plan to be here after six months.  I just can’t help but think that it’d be really selfish to try to find a guy while I’m here knowing full well that I don’t plan to stay, but my cello-friend and my photo-friend disagree.  I guess... I mean I guess if I were on the other side, if I started dating someone who was planning to move away and we really hit it off, then I guess I’d try my best to keep it going if they were up for it too, but I’m such an out-of-sight-out-of-mind kind of person that doing something like that would be really hard for me, I think (when saxophone-guy told me to text him when I was bored during my study abroad, how could I explain to him that there is too much for me to do at any given moment to ever reach a state of boredom (and I know, I know the sentiment was more like “text me when you think of me” or “don’t forget about me” but my point still stands)).  But it’s all about systems.  I suppose if I had a system, specific times to reach out, then maybe.

Anyway all of that is super hypothetical anyway.  Even if I wanted to try dating there’s no way I’d have the courage to download an app for the simple reason that my entire family can see when I do and even though they have never snooped on me in that way (that I know of) there’s also nothing stopping them.

Hold on.  I’m gonna have to bring back the Detective Game because what I just said REEKS of insecurity (or something along those lines).  Evidence: my parents have never, not once confronted me about an app or song or whatever that I’ve downloaded even though they totally could.  Conclusion: they probably won’t ever check, and it’s fully unreasonable for me to think that they would.

K well even if I wanted to, I don’t have enough candids of myself to make a good profile, and in the same way that I didn’t have the patience to learn snapchat etiquette, I don’t really know dating app etiquette.  I would not have the patience to wait for a man who I matched with to message me, for example.  Ain’t nobody got time to wait.  (There are easy solutions to both of those problems, but I am overlooking them on purpose, thank you for understanding.)

Anyway, that was a much longer tangent that I’d planned.

Today kind of sucked because I spent all of it working on applications, ugh.  I mean I submitted literally four of them today, and I’m just kind of tired at this point, uhm.  I think I did something wrong in every single one, probably.  I mean I didn’t commit the cardinal sin of saying the wrong school’s name in an application, so that’s a plus, I guess.  I dunno, I’m cautiously excited, but I won’t hear back for another four months or something like that which is torturous.  Now I have to switch gears and finish all of my finals stuff.

Today I’m thankful that I only have one more application left to do.  And I think my top school’s application was practically flawless (though maybe I spent too much time talking about my qualifications and not enough about why I like the program itself), so I’m thankful for that too.

[cecesaurus]

LONG TIME NO SEE!!

Well, shit. I owe all of you a damn apology. I abandoned tumblr for almost three years without warning and suddenly come back. Uhh, well, a lot of stuff has been going on while I was away.

During lockdown, I had found out that my hormones were all out of whack when I took a woman's health screening test out of boredom.

Found a gynecologist after quarantine was over and discovered that I was misdiagnosed as a teen! I'm intersex! I have a condition called Pure Gonadal Dysgenesis and I was born with one ovary.

Uhh, I started doing activism and got interviewed by PinkNews back in April and then UN Human Rights contacted me a few months later.

These last few years have been wild. Uhh, I even let my facial hair grow out, lol. Hmm, what else? I thought about enlisting into the US Air Force, but apparently my country doesn't allow intersex people, so that was a bummer.

TL,DR I'm sorry for disappearing.

[birdstooth]

Me after reading this: …. did she get to keep the weed tho? Or did he take it back?

😅

Evidence planting/tampering really gets my goat 😤😤😤

Anyway lol I love how she was like, oh they’ll know something is wrong bc I didn’t fix my bed 😭 I literally can’t remember the last time I properly made my bed with the sheets all tucked in any everything 😬

Cole wanting to cheat in close proximity to PB had me looking up the good old Hare psychopathy checklist lmao. It’s like when serial killers revisit the scene of their crimes to get a thrill 😵‍💫

Going to put a cut here bc I’m about to go through all 20 items lol

1.) "excess glibness" or superficial charm? ✅

2.) grandiose sense of self-worth? ✅

3.) excess need for stimulation or proneness to boredom? ✅

4.) pathological liar? ✅

5.) manipulative? ✅

6.) lack of remorse or guilt? ✅

7.) "shallow affect?" ❓

Idk about this one actually…we haven’t rly seen any emotional reactions from him apart from anger, but I also feel like there’s not enough data to make an assessment. We need to make him watch the Lion King and see if he gets sad bc that’s a pretty universal litmus test right? It’s like the death of someone’s dad AND an animal at the same time. Double whammy 😖

8.) callous/lacks empathy? ✅

9.) "parasitic lifestyle"?

I’m going to say nah here but a conditional nah?? bc he’s not really doing his job so much as using his job for its perks so he’s like a parasite… to society??

10.) poor behavioral controls?

Ya he punched a wall haha ✅

11.) history of promiscuous sexual behavior? ✅.

12.) history of early behavioral problems? ❓

Idk/insufficient data

13.) lacks realistic long-term goals? ❓

Maybe?? He has long term goals but idk if they are realistic bc he’s just assuming everything will go his way

14.) overly impulsive? ✅

15.) high level of irresponsibility? ✅

16.) failure to accept responsibility for your own actions? ✅

17.) many short-term "marital" relationships?

The fine print says repeatedly betraying someone in a “long term” relationship counts too so ✅

18.) history of juvenile delinquency? 🚫

I feel like no bc then he wouldn’t have been able to become a cop? Unless he got all that stuff sealed 🤷‍♀️

19.) I’m going to skip bc I’m guessing he’s never been to prison 🚫

20.) "criminal versatility"?

Maybe? Yes? He prob breaks all kinds of laws as a cop so actually it’s a yes for me dawg ✅

So that’s like 14ish out of 20 and I first I was like wow ok certified bad guy here chain him to a rock and let the eagles eat his guts 😈

But then I was thinking like, I personally believe that psychopathy is more nature than nurture (maybe like 60/40? 65/35?) bc apparently true narcissists are born that way and it’s l “incurable” in the sense that u can’t teach someone how to feel empathy - but they can learn how to mimic it (like how a kid learns to apologize and show remorse out of politeness or common courtesy) and hopefully make the decision to act accordingly irl.

So then I was like oh…and didn’t feel as gleeful about calling him out as a villain bc if he really doesn’t feel empathy what can u do? Lmao 🤣

But then again he does still have the capacity to recognize situations where he COULD show empathy, and he just chooses not to so idk.

I’m going to spare him the eagle treatment tho bc he wouldn’t learn anything from it and it’s bad to leave food for wild animals anyway.

At least he doesn’t put peanuts in his Coke right??

“I’m a virgin.  Not a prude.  He has penetrated me with his fingers, and tongue,” Poppy retches, but throws her head back laughing.  “What?”

I felt this in my soul bc I would also have been like “what’s so funny?” 🤨 tbh I’m still not sure if I get the joke lol (Poppy is laughing either bc of what PB said or how she said it so clinically I’m guessing?? I don’t understand why she thought it was such a riot tho 😭 the description was correct?? 😫😫😫)

PB being like “we need to restrain Poppy before someone gets hurt” was hilarious tho. I feel like she would make a good bounty hunter irl.

WHAT IF Poppy didn’t catch Coleslaw in the parking lot? Would PB have found out on her own? (maybe not that specific incident but something else?)

This didn't take me much to think about, because this is how things originally were going to unfold. This story was loosely based on the song, "White Liar" by Miranda Lambert, in fact...The truth comes out a little at a time is part of the lyrics

Always Wanted to Visit

Summary: What if Poppy didn't catch Cole?

Pairings: Cole Turner X Reader

Rating: mature

Warnings:  language, implied sexual assault, mentions of sexual activity, mentions of cheating, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 2.1K

Series Masterlist

Ask me a What If on any of my series

Poppy throws herself into the booth, panting as she takes a drink of her cocktail, “Why aren’t you dancing?  This is your night.  You’re last time out as a single and free woman, before you become the future sheriff’s housewife,” you give her a weak smile, and look out at Anna Kate who had already found someone to start dancing with.  “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired,” you try to smile, but it doesn’t reach your eyes.  “I’m about ready to go.  I’d rather be in pajamas watching movies or something.”

“That’s how you want to spend your last single weekend?” Still watching Anna Kate, you nod your head.  “Alright, let me get Anna Kate, okay?” You give her a sad nod, leaning over to gather your bag.  Checking your phone again.  You hadn’t responded to Cole’s text, but normally he would check in on you again.  He wasn’t going to.

Cole knew that he had messed up, and all it did was bring you new questions.  Questions that had been burning into your mind for a while.  You had questioned why someone who seemed to be as sexually frustrated as Cole would want to be with you.  It wasn’t just that he knew you wanted to wait, it was the constant pressure for more.  

It was that perpetual ask to bring his cock closer to you.  He wanted to take a picture of the two of you.  Wanted to lay his cock over your mound to see how deep it would go, and then proceed to ask if you wanted to try it out.  He never seemed to want to let it rest.  

Poppy looks back at you, gathering up Anna Kate as you run outside.  You needed air.  There was a constant worry that you would never be what Cole wanted you to be, but also that he would never be what you wanted from him.  Stepping outside the bar doors, you put your hands on your knees, gasping for air.  He violated your one rule.  

You had allowed Cole to cross your boundaries way too many times, but this time was different.  He couldn’t let it be.  Your Mamaw and Papaw were just downstairs.  They could have seen or heard, and then you didn’t fix your bed back.  They would know, and that embarrassed you to think about that.  “I’m gonna throw up,” you answer the second that Poppy and Anna Kate come outside.  “I can’t breathe.”

“Cole!” The annoying girl riding on top of him screams.  Her ass continues to bounce over him, but with her constant fake porn moans, he can’t even pretend that it was you.

“Shut up,” he grunts.  It was bad enough that she was just too much, but him pushing his luck each time was going to bite him in the ass.  He enjoyed being close to where you were when he was letting some girl fuck him.  It brought him closer to you.  Made the scene in his head much more real.  “My god,” he groans, and she thinks he’s more into it.  

“Yeah!  You like that daddy?” she lets out a breathy giggle looking over to you who was having a panic attack.  “This why you wanted me to fuck you?  You sick fuck.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” 

“Isn’t that your precious Peach Blossom?” Cole pushes her to the side, seeing Anna Kate holding your hair back.  “She know that you like giving it to girls from behind?  Won’t even look at my face.  You pretending I’m a virgin?” He growls again, trying to push her to the side.  “I haven’t came yet.”

“Shut up!” 

She slams herself on him harder.  Holding on to the steering wheel, while she smiles at your pitiful little self.  Cole was just like every man she knew.  Wanted to corrupt some sweet thing.  Wanted their perfect little housewife, while they treated their mistresses like their cock sleeves.  “You like it rough, huh?  That virgin cunt won’t be able to handle this fat cock of yours.  Gonna stretch her out, and have a mess to clean,” he lifts her up, shoving her to the side.

You needed him, and he had to make sure you understood that he was only trying to give your body what it wanted.  “You say a fucking thing, I’ll have you arrested for possession.”

“Good try,” he throws over a bag of weed onto her heaving chest, and she looks at him horrified.  “You asshole.”

“Marijuana is illegal in the state of Georgia.  You see how easy that was to plant something on you?  Get out of my fucking car, and if you say anything to my future wife, you’re getting locked up, and going to look like some crazy jealous woman,” he waits for her to get out, walking back to her car when he starts running towards you.  

His hands smooth over your back, and you stand up quickly, taking a step towards Poppy, and she looks between the two of you confused.  “How…how did you get here?”

“Someone called and said you were sick.  Is everything okay?”

“Fine,” you answer shortly, reaching towards Poppy’s hand.  “We were leaving.  Too much to drink.”

“Peach Blossom,” he says softly, taking a step closer to you.  Wrapping his arms around your waist, and you don’t reciprocate the touch.  You didn’t smell like alcohol.  Your sweet little self just can’t handle anything.  This was one of the most appealing things to you with Cole.  You were innocent in all aspects, and he was the one that was getting all your firsts.  The first time you even had alcohol was because of him.  Although even tipsy, you just let him taste you for the first time.  

“Baby, let me take you home.  We can sleep it off.”

“No,” you answer quickly, shaking your head.  “No, Umm…I’m going to Anna Kate’s.”

“Well, I’ve got the remedy,” he bites at his lip, kissing behind your ear.  “Come on, let me take care of you.  We can forget what happened earlier.  I can make you forget.”

“I…I hardly ever get to see Poppy, Cole.  I want to spend time with them.  Please?” Poppy scoffs at you, but Cole does finally step away.  Holding his hands up, but still has that stupid charming smile.  It was so fake, Poppy wanted to puke.  He was disgusting, and Poppy knows something happened.  She just wanted to know what.

“Fine.  Yeah, it’s good for you to have a girls night out, but if you change your mind,” Cole winks, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.  “I just know how to get rid of your buzz, so you can sleep.”

“Thanks, but I can manage.”

“I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

“Nothing happened?” Poppy takes a swig of Papaw’s stout liquor.  She wasn’t ready to quit drinking just yet.  Cole brought back too many memories.  It stressed her out.  Stress made Poppy drink.  

“No.  Can we drop it?”

“How much of your cunt has he seen?” 

“What?”  “Poppy!”

“I’m just curious.  Has he tasted you?  Does he know what you feel like?” 

“I’m a virgin.  Not a prude.  He has penetrated me with his fingers, and tongue,” Poppy retches, but throws her head back laughing.  “What?”

“That’s so sexy.  He penetrated me with his tongue and fingers.  So he’s finger fucked you, and you’ve rode his face?  Has his cock ever touched you?” 

“I give him blow jobs and hand jobs,” Poppy cocks up an eyebrow at you, and you look away.  “He’s…he’s ran his cock through it.”

“What does that mean?” Anna Kate asks, slapping at her sister who was continuing to laugh.  You didn’t want to mention what happened tonight, but this wasn’t a lie.

“You know,” you shrug, standing up for some pineapple juice.  They wait until you return and Poppy laughs harder.  “What?”

“Pineapple juice?” 

“It’s a great source of vitamin c, I drink it everyday.”

“Makes that pussy taste sweet huh?  So what were you talking about with Cole’s cock.  Has he had a condom on for this?” Poppy slowly sips the corn liquor, and you aren’t even sure she knows what is going on.  Her eyes glazed over and confused.  “Did Cole ask you to drink the pineapple juice?”

“What?”

“You drink almond milk now.  Are you lactose intolerant?” 

“Poppy,” Anna Kate throws a pillow at her sister.  “One question at a time, and what are you talking about?”

“Studies say that almonds and almond milk can make pheromones on a woman stronger.  Pineapples or their juice make the pussy taste good and sweet.  This is common knowledge.  So did Cole ask you to do this?” You stare at her dumbfounded, wishing you could talk about anything else.  “Anyways, his pee pee has touched you.  How?” 

“Well, you know,” she shakes her head no at you, and you look up at the ceiling, “He just ran it through it.  You know, the lips.  First time I was on my back, and then I was on top of him.”

“A pussy job?  You gave Cole Turner a pussy job?  Peach Blossom, give it up!” 

“It’s almost our wedding night.  I can…he can wait.”

Anna Kate and Poppy stand on either side of you as Mamaw zips up the back of your dress.  Staring at her antique free standing mirror.  You didn’t recognize yourself.  You play around with your engagement ring, and you’re positive that this wasn’t how you should feel on your wedding day.  There was a text, and you didn’t say anything.  A text from some girl that said your fiancé’s cock was the best she had ever had.  

You didn’t want to believe it, but there was a picture of her on top of Cole.  She was facing the other way, and his eyes were clenched closed.  You couldn’t see her face, because she blurred it out.  And from the looks of it, this was a screenshot of a video.

If you said something, it would be you admitting to all your fears.  This could have been a long time ago.  It didn’t have to be recent, but running your hands down your dress, you can’t help but wonder.  

“PB and J,” Papaw says, and his smile fades as he walks in.  “You look beautiful, baby.  But…” your lip trembles as you start to cry.  “What did he do?” 

“Nothing,” you lie.  Papaw and Poppy were so much alike.  Both of their fists were tight, as the turn towards you and not your reflection.  “Nothing with me.”

“Honey, we can call off this wedding,” your mom didn’t see you much.  She was a busy woman, and just let Mamaw and Papaw raise you.  “What’s going on?” 

“Does this have something to do with him punching my damn wall?” 

“No,” fanning your face, you reach for a tissue.  “Am I making a mistake?”

“If you go through with this wedding unhappy, yeah,” Mamaw starts, and you reach for her hand, admiring your favorite ring of hers.  The reason why you wanted an emerald ring to begin with, and now you have an emerald cut diamond.  And you specifically told Cole that when you talked about marriage.  “Peaches?”

“I think…I think he’s been cheating on me,” Poppy starts stomping out of Mamaw’s room, and you scream for her.  

“I’ll take care of her,” Papaw follows suit, and you cry even harder.

“They’re gonna hurt him!” Mamaw pulls you closer to her, letting you lay on her shoulder, while you sob.  You tried to avoid thinking about this, but you were about to change your last name for him, and you couldn’t even trust him.  “I don’t want him to get hurt.”

“Why do you think he’s cheating on you, honey?”

“Some girl sent me a picture.  I don’t know the number,” Anna Kate grabs up your phone, flicking through your messages.  Finding the one, and she dials in on her phone.

“Son of a bitch,” she curses, “That’s…that’s Jessica’s number.  The girl that was in the three-year-old room.  She was fired because she got a DUI,” you scream on your Mamaw’s shoulder.  That girl was invited to your wedding.  She was invited to your wedding and she had your fiancé’s cock inside of her.  

“What do you want to do?”

“I’m not marrying him,” you couldn’t. You didn’t know what you were going to do past that.  But you weren’t marrying him.  “Get me out of this dress.  Now!  I’m driving and I’m not looking back.  Bring me Poppy!” 

In nothing but your lacy undergarments, you run up to your room, throwing whatever you could in your suitcase.  You didn’t have time to think.  You just knew you couldn’t stay here, and face Cole everyday.  You wanted to get away, and Boston was a place you always wanted to visit.

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @sstan-hoe @infatuatedharleys @missusbarnes-rogers @peaches1958 @seitmai @smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @kittycatcait219 @sarahdonald87 @patzammit @elrw24 @redbloodedgurl @cjand10 

[shu-sakamaki]

(TW : Bullying)

Random and dark headcanons about Shuu Sakamaki

If you are not comfortable with those themes please just scroll, I don't want to make anyone uneasy, it's for fiction and fantasies only, Shuu is in NO WAY meant to be portrayed in real life, he is not a good person and none of his actions are acceptable.

In which you're a bride living in the Sakamaki manor :

- His voice is really low, much lower and raspier than his voice in the anime, it just makes more sense to me because he's always sleepy and horny, sadly he's the one who speaks the less (like, sir, just keep your mouth open and never shut up 👄🔪)

- He's just so disgusted everytime Reiji come near him that he's always scrunching his nose for a split second and then furrows his brows as if he smelled something bad but it's just Reiji (🤣🤣) and four eyes get even more mad.

- If your staring at him for too long he will stare back at you and look at you up and down. Now, there's two type of look, there is the "gtfo of my face, you're burning my eyes" (which is kinda hot in its own way 👉👈) and the "I'm horny as hell, keep staring at me I will mount you, female." And I don't know how, but he notice everything, you can try and  be unnoticeable by looking at him and then looking away but when your looking back at him again, he's staring right at your soul like 👁-👁 (sir pls stop you're scaring me)

- He have bedroom eyes like, 90 % of the times, Shuu always seems to be in his own reality with his closed eyes and earphones, he somehow look zooted (on sleep and sex uhu, anyways letmeshutup)

- He's the king of side-eye, if you bother his slumber he will give you the saltiest, hottest, coldest side-eye, it'll make you tear up. My theory is that he can make people crumble with just a look. (and that's on 💫trauma💫)

- Now that we're on the subject of tears, Shuu loves them (you monster) and try a lot of things mainly out of boredom and just to randomly see you cry because why not. And him being a teaser + dacryphilia is the worst thing you can ask for. Because when the oldest lay his interest on someone, I think that the rest of the brothers kinda back off to  not make him angry (they're not suicidal gud gud) so you're just getting bullied by him and everyone is just watching.

- For example when you walk past him, he'll pinch your thighs and it always hurts so bad and leaves red/purple spots or just grab your wrist and hold it really hard till you cry and beg him to not break it. And sometimes he'll just plainly ignore you which can be worst because it's always leaving you with the impression that something's gonna fall upon you when you least expect it. (Not mister playing as the Fates) And if you try to avoid him, he's going to catch up on it pretty fast and suddenly you're seeing him everywhere and he's not going to limit his torture to the manor, even in school he will find ways to terrorize you. He will say the lewdest, dirtiest things to you like its nothing or will just sneak up on you and touch your butt in the hall. (You need to keep an eye on him like the bogeyman). It's just a game for him, he's bored and you're the perfect prey to toy with.

- Yeah also he doesn't care about consent... just like the rest of his demonic gremlins of brothers, resisting him just makes it more fun for him. But if you are actually getting aggressive like pulling his hair, slapping him or scratching his skin he'll put out his knife (he gon look at you like dis 🔵👄🔵🔪) and will threatens to kill you really slowly. A thing about his knife, is that admin once said that he's carrying it everywhere, so he can just pull it out of idk where and rub it on your skin, threatening silently to slit your throat at any moment. There is always that one kid who like to draw on people's arms with a marker in school, Shuu does the same with his knife, you have little cuts here and there because of him.

- He's manipulative and merciless, you can pour your heart out to him and tell him how something just broke you and he's gonna look at you like "and what does it got to do with me?" or just fall asleep on you. He picks a lot on your insecurities just because he knows where it hurts (he doesn't really think it, he don't care lol) and will talk to you with such a mocking/condescending tone, as if your stupid and its not like you can complain about it.

- Shuu appears at the most random times and just ask you to do things that HE'S supposed to do. And you can either do your thing and he won't care or be bothered that you disobeyed and will punish you. Admin mentioned it often, how one of the scariest thing with Shuu is the unlimited feeling of uncertainty, you really never know. One day he's cool with you and the other he's not.

- Remember when Shuu talked about seduction ? He said that its the difference between him and Laito. Laito thrives off people's fear and disgust of him and he will force himself upon them, and with Laito, you're mainly scared of him. But with Shuu, there is something quite exciting about him being around you and just giving you his attention. (Idk how to explain it, it's the Shuu Effect 🦋) Sometimes you can even feel like you have a choice, when you really don't. He's guilt-tripping you a lot of the time and you don't realize it sometimes and think that it's your decision, but honey...

- When he starts to get use to you, use to you taking care of him and use to your presence that's when the trickiest part comes up. He can either, get bored of you so he'll probably leave you alone giving green signals to his brothers to do whatever they want (or he kills you) or he's falling in love.

- You know that he's falling in love with you when he's more around you to the point when he's the only face that you're seeing and his brothers are just avoiding you like the plague, everyone does, it's like, even humans have a gut feeling that being around you won't bring them good because of the scary demon behind you. (Well if you listen to him it's more of a "You're the one obsessed with me and not the opposite" but yk), he's going to insult you every ten seconds because you looked at an alive being "I'm not looking at you for ten seconds and you're already whoring yourself out ? Pathetic." (But really, it's the poSseSsiViTy), I can also see him as being more touchy in a way but it varies, it don't necessarily mean that Shuu would go tender on you.

- He built a wall around him (like attack on titan type of wall duh, Wall Maria I see you 🙄) to block and repulse any being who wants to be close to him, so when he realizes that he's falling in love with you (and hard because Shuu don't have the concept of limit) he will probably get scared and would try to back off, scare you, being even more brutal because he need to know, need to be sure, how willing you are to be with him. He can't handle a deception and also I feel like he is pretty aware of his mental state and he is deeply scared of losing you and losing himself completely in the same boat.

- When he starts to really care for you, I think that he will start to have nightmares again, especially about Edgar and other stuff involving you because how scared he is. Which bring me to an article that admin about Shuu mastering aftercare, it's 100% logic that he's with you and whispering sweet nothing till he sure that you are safe and asleep with him.

- When his shell starts to crack, it's when he's going to be as his probably most vulnerable state when you can just see how much the paranoia, the possessivity and all the trauma cloud his mind. He will still try to test you for some time and just kinda...still observing like a predator (but with more of a lovesick turn) till he's certain that you will not betray him. And don't take it personally, that's just how he is, everything has been taken away from him, all the happiness, all the color were sucked out of his life, and when there is a real opportunity of getting this happiness back he doesn't play. Literally, Shuu can not handle losing someone important again or he will go full-on Kanato insane. That's why he drown himself in sex and sleep, to not think, that's why he always have sound in his earbuds, to not hear the silence. Its not Shuu's fault that Edgar is dead, it's not his fault if the German shepherd got killed, it's not his fault if his mother didn't took care of his brother, but he'll still take the blame. (Well maybe not for Reiji but you get it.)

Thanks to everyone who manages to read it through and have a good day and remember that you're loved and worthy ❤😌

((I honestly LOVE how you emphasize the canon aspect that Shu has NO LIMITS. Or he LOVES you to the point of obsession, or no deal. That IS Shu... And I'm scared about the person I'm becoming but the ones about how scary he actually is while statically staring at you?... Was hot... O///O ???))

[iclaimedtobethebetterbard]

Ok, so I absolutely love the concept of Remus working for Logan! I'd love to know more about what their work relationship is like, and what kind of antics Remus gets up to in the lab? Does he often do mischievous things out of boredom or anything? Also, how often does Janus visit Remus at work? And what is Janus' friendship with Logan like?

storm ilysm /p thank you vv much for enabling me yet again

[ask me questions abt the backstories/lore for my if you're going my way, i'll go with you fic]

rambling about all the answers to ur questions under the cut:

1) logan and remus’s work relationship: it is very very good!!!! they both have developed a lot of trust in each other and have a very strong bond. logan feels very protective of remus bc:

a) he is familiar by now with remus’s work habits; remus has adhd that he has a very hard time managing, and is extremely prone to hyperfixating on tasks he is given, and then often forgets to stop and do basic life maintenance things like feed himself/sleep/etc. like, remus has even forgotten to go home at the end of the work day before—he told logan he was going to stay and finish the thing he was working on, and then just kept going without thinking about it until he dozed off at his workspace at about 4am, then woke up like maybe 3 hours later and then kept going with what he was working on until logan arrived. logan was obviously horrified and sent remus home with the day off to sleep and recover, and nothing that drastic has happened since then.

b) because of how much remus trusts logan, he has shared some stuff about his past with him, which more or less had the emotional impact of making logan go “um. that’s horrifying. what the fuck. anyway this is My Kid Now i guess” and also s t r o n g l y recommending that remus go to therapy, and connecting him with emile for that purpose (whose therapist specialization is treating supers, but who was happy to take on a client referred to him by logan) (we are going to see this in the fic too, it just hasn’t come up yet).

remus, meanwhile, looks up to logan as a mentor figure and thinks the world of him!!!!! he would honestly do just about anything for logan. his quality of life has greatly increased because of logan’s impact on him, seeing the faith that logan puts in him really motivated him to try and improve himself as much as he can in as many areas as he can. he really really wants to make logan proud of him. he also thinks logan’s very dry deadpan type of humor is absolutely hilarious. and he absolutely adores working with him. he loves having someone to look up to who he can trust (and logan has more than proved his trustworthiness to remus). just. ugh. they respect each other so much and they work really well together and their relationship is so good and functional and!!!! i love them. im excited for a plot development that is happening soon (starting in the next chapter) that will have a v nice positive effect on their relationship too.

1a) lab mischief: see. see logan is very particular about his Branding as a Very Professional Superhero who is a Good Leader and who is Calm and Collected At All Times. all of which is very true obviously. however. he can still be chaotic lol. he actually fucking loves all the stuff remus gets up to and absolutely encourages him in it (and sometimes participates) (which is remus’s favorite). he also likes having remus as a second pair of eyes when he is brainstorming/testing things, bc remus is like. not nearly as capable as logan, due to less life experience and not having powers etc, but he still provides a fresh perspective that logan can bounce ideas off of, which logan finds really helpful.

where remus really shines, though, is just like. being given old projects that logan abandoned halfway through for one reason or another, and being told to see what he can do with them. hijinks ensue, and about half the time something he does will give logan an idea for something new he can do with the project. remus also is great for testing how a non-supergenius will react to different things logan invents, which logan is usually good at predicting but not always so it is very useful to be able to test it out and confirm.

remus does not actually get up to mischief out of boredom very often, because logan is good at keeping him busy + interested, and remus really likes the work he’s doing anyway. however, he does like to just. experiment. with random supplies from the lab. whenever he has some spare time. this can take a ton of different forms, from chemistry to engineering to physics and more. he usually remembers to double check that it’s okay to use the supplies he wants first, but he’s got enough of an understanding of logan’s system to be able to guess pretty well which things he’s better off not using.

2) janus visiting remus at work: dskjfhdj she actually does this. frequently. much to logan’s half-joking despair. logan’s lab is the one place in the heroes’ headquarters that janus feels really comfortable in (bc that’s where both of her favorite people are), and because of how close they are with logan, it is easy for her to forget/ignore that work boundaries should be different than friendship ones. also janus has a bad habit of ignoring rules he dislikes anyway. so sometimes he just. shows up to chat with logan and flirt with remus. kind of whenever they have some time to kill. (if whatever logan and remus are working on at that time is really important and/or time sensitive, janus does respect logan telling her it is Not A Good Time, but for the most part she just shows up and vibes and is obnoxious in a fun way and sometimes kisses remus.) logan eventually decided to work with this and was like “okay you can keep doing this as long as 1) it does not interfere with any of the three of us actually getting all our work done every day 2) you have to do field testing for any new invention i ask you to” and janus like was very dramatic about that but also was like “yeah that’s fair” lol.

3) janus and logan’s friendship: CRIES SO HARD. I LOVE THEM. they are very close with each other!! their relationship originally was very mentor/mentee structured, because janus was a teenager when they began working together and was logan’s apprentice. logan provided a lot of support for them during this period, more so than would typically be expected from a super to their apprentice, because of patton and the strain that janus’s relationship with their parents was undergoing.

however, as janus went through college, and began to transition from an apprentice to a fully-fledged superhero, his life began to settle down and he began being able to support himself and not need to rely on his parents, and because of all that a lot of the stress they were under all the time began to go away for them, and they matured A Lot. the removal of so many of the big stressors in their life allowed them to just kind of. calm down and chill out and not feel a need to act out or anything anymore. this kind of drastic shift in her personality and temperament definitely helped both her and logan to transition away from a mentor/mentee relationship to a friendship based in a more equal distribution of power, bc so many things were changing anyway, so changing the structure of their relationship felt much more natural. now janus and logan hang out lots outside of work bc they care abt each other so much and enjoy hanging out together!!!!

janus kind of has the “nobody except me is allowed to be mean to you” sibling-type attitude towards logan, they snark at him a lot but if anyone else so much as looks at logan wrong they are in for a Bad Time. and janus does Not forgive Or forget lol.

logan also is the one who introduced janus to the trans community and he helped him figure out the words that felt best to describe herself and what pronouns they like <333 im pretty sure janus is the Only super (other than virgil but that’s different) who logan is out to as trans.

janus often runs errands for logan and does things like grocery shopping etc for him, especially when he knows logan’s working on a new invention that he’s excited about, so that logan can focus on his projects. they also use their shapeshifting for him a lot, from things like showing up in his place to meetings he doesn’t want to go to, to helping him prevent any scares about people discovering his identity by making it look like his alter ego and his super identity are doing different things at the same time, to disguising herself as random minions and spying on different villains to help logan get intel that makes the heroes more effective at protecting the city, to covering for heroes who are injured or sick or whatever so that logan doesn’t have to pick up that slack as the leader of the heroes’ guild.

logan has also invented Multiple very impressive breakthrough inventions specifically for janus, including a saliva test that can detect superpowers before they manifest in a child (hahaha there is a very owie angsty flashback scene that will eventually be in the fic, about Why janus wanted him to invent this and what went down after he did), and also the shapeshifting technology that is what makes their supersuit function for them with their abilities and allows them to fully disguise themself in any situation. while logan makes a lot of his inventions available to the general super community in one way or another, these two particular ones he keeps private because he feels they have higher potential for misuse than many of his inventions; nobody even knows about the saliva test one’s existnece. however, he is willing to make shapeshifting supersuits for any shapeshifter who would like one. he just won’t make the technique available to be replicated.

janus is also willing to listen to logan ramble about pretty much anything at pretty much any time. which isv nice for logan bc he really likes to talk, it helps him organize his thoughts. does janus always understand what logan is talking about? no. is he very supportive and full of commentary designed to make logan laugh anyway? absolutely.

logan also often babysits patton which is always just. so fucking cute i have no words. (he absolutely has on multiple occasions encouraged patton’s frog-power-based instinct to eat bugs, For Science.)

basically!!!! they are besties!!!!!! and they love each other sm!!!!! they are a lil found family <333

[jikookiekosmos]

The Angel on Your Shoulder and the Devil in Your Corner || jjk (Part 2)

➥Pairing: angel!jungkook/reader, demon!jungkook/reader

➥Rating: nc17

➥Content Warnings: some cursing (fuck is said a few times), mentions of pain (nothing major)

➥Words: ~1k

A/N: there are some POV changes between the angel and demon twins; the POV switches will be indicated by their name being bolded. The angel twin usually goes by Jungkook/JK and the demon twin usually goes by Kook, so that’s how to tell the difference! (yes they have the same name, I’ll explain later lol)

Jungkook pocketed his phone then, and the feeling of uneasiness continued to bloom within him at a rate much fast than he appreciated. It was a feeling he’d never experienced, and to say it scared him would be an understatement.

Jungkook tilted his head back against the chair he was sitting in as he tried to calm himself down. He shut his eyes, hoping that maybe if he fell asleep the feeling would dissipate and be gone by the time he awoke.

That worked for all of maybe 8 seconds before his eyes snapped open. The feeling was suddenly much more intense and this time, he could actually sense it coming from a certain direction. To test his new suspicion (and to see if it was maybe all in his head) he stood up slowly and walked toward his window.

Unstable legs continued to carry him forward, and with each step the feeling kept growing. Jungkook clutched his stomach when he stood directly in front of the window, because now whatever was raging a battle inside of him had turned from uneasiness to something almost painful.

Unstable legs continued to carry him forward, and with each step the feeling kept growing. Jungkook clutched his stomach when he stood directly in front of the window, because now whatever was raging a battle inside of him had turned from uneasiness to something almost painful.

He took a deep breath, arm still wrapped around his midsection, as he pulled back the curtain. He figured maybe the view outside would help; at this rate he’d do anything to distract him from his current state.

His eyes travelled over the buildings across the street, landing on the sidewalks below as he observed all the people walking past. Most of them seemed to be in a rush, but one person in particular stood out more than the others.

This was because they were rushing toward a crosswalk and completely oblivious to the stoplight that had signaled them to wait. This would’ve been fine on it’s own...if there weren’t also cars coming now and bound to cross that part of the street any second.

Jungkook eyes were trained on the person and he couldn’t look away. He was waiting for them to pay attention to the light and stop.

But they didn’t stop. They kept going at such a fast pace that it made Jungkook suddenly realize that if he let this continue, that person would be in danger. And the thought of that alone made the sensation inside of him increase tenfold.

So he did the only thing he could think to do in that moment: he teleported. And he hoped with everything he had that he could save them before it was too late.

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Kook huffed as he continued scrolling through his phone, bouncing between various apps to try and quell his boredom. He knew by now that this never worked, and especially not now since the thought of his twin kept gnawing at him.

He wondered what Jungkook had meant by ‘feeling ill’ and also if he should be concerned. He may be a demon, but it didn’t make him heartless.

Kook only lived a few blocks away, so he figured what better way to check in on Jungkook than to visit him in person. He shrugged into a leather jacket and swept his blonde hair from his face as he hunted down his keys. Sure, he could instantly transport himself anywhere he wanted, but he was long overdue for a peaceful walk through the city.

It dawned on Kook then that he wasn’t even sure if Jungkook was at home, but it didn’t really matter since he could find him anyway. Twin telepathy shit, or something. He ventured out into the wilderness, as he liked to call it, ready to tackle the day.

He made it maybe halfway there before he felt a small pinch of pain flutter through his stomach. His hand immediately dropped down to clutch at it through his jacket.

“The fuck?” He looked down, expecting to see something holding onto him or sticking to him, but he didn’t see anything. A few more experimental steps forward brought on another twinge of pain, this time more harsh than the one before.

“Seriously, what is happening,” Kook breathed out. He had a tendency to talk to himself sometimes, especially if he was confused about something. And that was definitely the case now.

He risked going further one last time, only to be met with a series of pangs that wracked his torso. And that was the last bit of convincing that he needed to stop going in that direction.

He jogged all the way back to his apartment, having forgotten about his entire reason for leaving in the first place. He expected that maybe if he went the opposite way, the pain would ease up or - preferably - evaporate completely.

But the pain stayed. The whole way home, when he entered his apartment, and even when he flopped down onto his bed with his arms outstretched, the pain was still taking up residence inside his body.

He took deep breaths, thinking that maybe he was just paranoid after his talk with his brother earlier. He’d been known to be paranoid a time or two in his life, so it certainly wouldn’t surprise him.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t shake the feeling that this was something important. Not many things can terrify a demon, but Kook would have to say that this came close.

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Part 2: Paranoia

You never anticipated on having anything other than a friendly relationship with beings of the supernatural type...until one day an angel saves your life, and then a demon shows up on your doorstep. And when twin entities start vying for your affection, you’re not quite sure how to handle it. One thing is for certain, though: there’s never a dull moment in your life anymore.

A/N (again): finally starting to set the stage for what’s to come! I know there’s some questionable stuff happening but I promise it’ll be answered and explained in later parts ☺️ this format of social media/written parts is how most of the story will proceed, primarily switching POVs between the MC and the twins.

Currently there isn’t any kind of update schedule but I’d like to do weekly updates if possible; I do work full time and attend grad school so finding time to write can be a little hard but I’m really excited to work on this! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it; and if you’d like to be added to the taglist, please let me know~

taglist: @dntaewithluv @inlovewiththemoonn @girlontheblock

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➥Part 3 - Guardian Angel

➥Series Masterlist

➥All Works Masterlist