#tess still would have handed her over and joel didnt

[joelslastofus]

[SUMMARY: Tess’ jealousy reaches a new level when she finds out you might be pregnant.]

PART TWO

Angst

“The hell did you tell her?”

Tess stood silent and he knew right then and there…he knew she had told you about Sarah and scared you away.

It had been a little over a month since you and Joel had first gotten together, since then you both were inseparable. A few things had changed since Joel confessed his feeling for you although they weren’t exactly changes you hoped for. Tess was still around, silent but always obvious of her dislike towards you. Instead the changes involved a new task, a task that involved a young girl named Ellie. Marlene, whom Joel had known but didn’t seem to like had asked him to take Ellie to a group of firefly’s that would then take over where she needed to be taken to. The only reason he went along with it was because his last chance to get a working car fell through. Now Marlene promised him he’d have a working car to get to Jackson as long as he took Ellie where she was supposed to be.

One thing you noticed was Ellie seemed to be more gravitated to you than Tess, just another thing that pissed Tess off. Especially with seeing how Joel seemed to be getting closer to Ellie.

Ellie and you laughed together at certain jokes she would tell you, looking over you caught Joel trying to hold back a smile.

“You thought that was funny didnt you?” You teased walking beside them through the woods.

“Oh yeah, look at him, he could barely keep himself together” Ellie continued, poking fun at Joel. Tess rolled her eyes at the sound of the laughter, it’s like she hated hearing how well you all got along.

“Can we focus on where we’re goin’?” Tess called out over her shoulder without looking at any of you.

“Someone’s grumpy” Ellie whispered making you look down with a smile until it hit you again. The nausea you had been ignoring for the past week, the nausea that you’ve somehow managed to hide from everyone. At first you didn’t think anything of it but as the days went on, you couldn’t help but wonder what the hell was going on. Keeping track of your period was pointless with it never being on schedule anyways, so you weren’t alarmed when it didn’t come the same time as the month before. But now you were starting to feel all these things you had read about, all these symptoms you remembered this pregnant woman Dolores spoke about feeling.

Joel and Ellie hadn’t noticed you stopped at first until he looked over to see you weren’t walking beside Ellie. Quickly turning around he found you a few feet behind leaning over on a tree. Ellie noticed Joel’s look of concern and turned herself to see the same thing.

“Hey-“ Joel called out to you making you quickly look up.

“Oh god” you whispered to yourself.

“I’m fine” you attempted to assure him but you should’ve known better, Joel was already quickly making his way to you.

“What’s wrong? You alright?” He spoke low.

You couldn’t speak in that moment, quickly nodding to assure him that you were fine until you looked up. He must’ve noticed something because the look on his face only seemed more concerned than he originally was.

“Here take some water” he passed you his bottle that you quickly took. As if your nausea couldn’t get any worse, Tess’ voice made your stomach turn.

“What’s the hold up?” She called out.

“Give us a minute” Joel responded as she loudly sucked her teeth.

“We don’t have a damn minute, it’s gonna get dark soon” Ellie looked back at how rude Tess was and raised her brows.

“She’s fine, keep walkin’” Tess stubbornly spoke. You nodded quickly handing Joel his bottle of water.

“I’m fine, let’s go” you wiped your lips, still feeling the nausea but not as bad as it was just a few moments earlier.

“We can sit down for a moment” Joel insisted not giving two shits what Tess was saying.

“N-no. I’m fine”

“Let’s go” Tess insisted.

“Hey-“ Joel whispered delicately turning your face to him.

“Ya sure?”

Tess once again rolling her eyes crossing her arms.

“I’m sure, let’s go” you began to walk beside Joel catching up to where Ellie was as Tess walked off.

Throughout the walk you could feel Joel’s eyes on you, although you continued, he didn’t believe you were ok.

The first stop you all made was at a pharmacy, you were surprised to see there was any product left. Tess, Joel and you made sure the building was clear before checking what was left. Thankfully your nausea had gone away but you knew it would come back sooner or later, it always did around the same time every day. Joel was distracted looking in the back of the store while Tess was in a stock room. You watched as Ellie happily packed a few feminine products before you realized the very next aisle had a few things left that caught your eye. Quickly without anyone noticing you grabbed a box of pregnancy tests and some prenatal vitamins stuffing them into your bag just incase.

“I’m surprised there’s anything left in this place” Tess voice made you jump as you turned to find her behind you, her eyes darting between the few boxes of pregnancy tests left and you.

“What are you doing here?” She raised a brow. As if it was any of her business, but the second she saw you even eyeing a pregnancy test she couldn’t help herself. God she hoped it wasn’t what she thought it was.

“N-nothing, I- I just-“ she squinted her eyes, changing her worried expression when you looked up at her.

“Oh god…he’s knocked you up…Hasn’t he?”

“N-no, I don’t know..I-“

“Oh…I feel sorry for you” she chuckled.

“he’s gonna hate you for this”

“What?” You whispered confused.

“You think he wants to have any more kids?” She laughed as you stood silent. More?

“Oh I’m sorry, that’s right…you don’t know certain things about him..” you could hear the taunting in her voice.

“What certain things?” You whispered.

“He never told you about Sarah, did he?” she seemed to get a kick out of this.

“Sarah?” Your chest felt as if it was caving in.

“No” you looked away in shock.

“He doesn’t like to talk about it but she died years ago…when this all started and it….it changed him.” You swallowed uncomfortably.

“He isn’t gonna want this, sweetheart. This will only upset him. You’ll see a side of him that’ll make you want to run away. You’re better off not even telling him if you are and just…taking off” you pressed your lips together holding back tears. For the first time Tess made sense to you.

“We can stay here for the night” Joel called out from the back quickly distracting you from the conversation. Without saying a word you quickly walked away, you had no idea to where but anywhere away from Tess. Of course that was when you ran into Joel.

“Hey-hey, what’s goin’ on?”

Joel could tell you were upset, his hand caressing the side of your face.

“Nothing, I’m just looking for stuff” you lied, you couldn’t even look at him.

“Did somethin’ happen?”

“No!” You stubbornly lied taking a deep breath.

“Just let me look at what they have left” you composed yourself and looked up at him. He silently nodded and let you walk off before looking up at Tess down the next aisle. She didn’t notice him looking at her and caught her chuckling to herself before walking away.

Ellie sat beside you pulling out a sandwich from her bag that Marlene had packed. The smell instantly striking you making you quickly turn your face. Ellie hadn’t noticed, you quickly stood up and ran off to the back room as Joel looked at you strangely.

“Just let her be already” Tess spoke as Joel stayed staring at the door you had ran into.

“If I were you, I’d ignore her” Tess snacked on a cracker as Joel stood up.

“Well I ain’t you and she ain’t your problem, she’s mine” he uttered under his breath as he walked off to where you were.

Hiding in the back you heard footsteps coming close, you already knew it was Joel and quickly turned away.

“Y/n, what’s wrong?” He stopped a few feet away making sure to give you space.

“Nothing, I just-“ you squeezed your eyes shut with your hand over your mouth as another strong wave of nausea hit you.

“You alright?” You heard him begin to get closer and snapped.

“I’m fine!” You screamed without turning back to him.

“Just get the hell away, give me a damn minute!”

He stood silent for a moment feeling defeated, hopeless. How could he not know what the hell was wrong with you?

“Did I do somethin’ to upset cha?” His question creating a knot in your throat. He didn’t deserve to be spoken to this way, but you knew it was the only way he’d listen.

“Just go” you whispered.

Joel took a step back silently leaving the room leaving you to cry alone. Still you hadn’t taken a test but you knew, you knew you were pregnant.

Later that night while everyone slept you found a private space and finally took the test. Just as you thought two bright pink lines appeared. You cried in a panic, it was all real now. Hiding the test and the packaging where it couldn’t be found you wiped your tears and grabbed your backpack, you knew what had to be done.

Never did you think in a million years that you would be needing Tess’ help, yet here you were carefully waking her up out of her sleep.

“Tess” you whispered, she looked up at you confused.

“I need you to help me get out of here without Joel or Ellie waking up. Distract them as much as you can so I can get as far as I can” a rush of excitement went through Tess as she sat up.

“You’re leaving?”

“I have to” you whispered.

“You did the pregnancy test?” She asked with a raised brow.

“Yes, I just did” you pressed your lips together.

“Where do I tell him you went or why you left?”

“You don’t. You act like you never saw me leave, hell, I don’t even know where the hell I’m going. I just…I’m too afraid to tell him and I need to leave now.” Tess stood up straight as you struggled to hold your tears back.

“Take care of him for me ok?” You whispered through a trembling voice before turning away and as quietly as possible sneaking out of the store.

Tess for the first time in a while felt satisfied, her plan had worked. You were gone and Joel never knew you were pregnant but neither of you knew that as you spoke with Tess, Ellie lay awake listening to every word being said.

Afraid to say anything to Tess, Ellie lay quietly looking over at Joel. She didn’t know what Tess was doing but all she could hear was footsteps around her, she closed her eyes pretending to be asleep, she didn’t trust Tess.

Once she heard Tess finally walk into a room she quickly threw a rolled up paper at Joel and closed her eyes. At first he didn’t budge, making Ellie sigh and try once more, this time his eyes flung open. Squinting, she found him staring directly at her a few feet away before he began to look around and that’s when he realized you weren’t around.

Joel quickly stood up looking around the store just as Tess walked out of a back room with a surprised expression not expecting him to have woken up.

“Where is she?” He asked looking around as Tess hesitantly walked towards him.

“Um, I don’t know…I just woke up she must’ve snuck out-“

“Snuck out?” Joel turned to her with confusion as Ellie opened her eyes. Quietly she got up without saying a word to either of them, both of them distracted with what was going on Ellie wandered to the back.

Looking around for any possible evidence she needed, Ellie heard you say you had taken a test. Of course, there it was, an opened pregnancy test box stuffed between 2 bricks in the wall. God you were sneaky. Inside the box lay the positive test you had taken, Ellie quickly ran out to Joel who was in the middle of a heated conversation with Tess.

“Joel!” She ran to him as he looked down at her confused. Without saying a word she handed him the box, Tess’ eyes widened.

“Where the hell did you get that?” She whispered.

“The hell is this?” Joel looked inside the box.

“It was y/ns, I heard her say she took a test Joel” his brows furrowed as he pulled the test out of the box and read the positive results. His face turning pale as he realized what he was looking at before he snapped back to reality. His eyes darkened, looking straight up at Tess.

“The hell did you do?” He whispered coldly.

“I-I didn’t do anything, Joel, you barely knew her-“ Joel stepped forward with a deadly look in his eyes making Tess step back.

“The hell did you tell her?”

Tess stood silent and he knew right then and there…he knew she had told you about Sarah and scared you away.

“She needed to know about Sarah, Joel, she’s here thinking you two can actually have this-“

“That wasn’t your decision to make” Joel responded as he began to pack his back pack.

“Oh come on, Joel, you know damn well you don’t want that baby” he stopped moving, the silence so tense Ellie held her breath. Joel stood up and slowly walked towards Tess-

“If anything happens to her or my baby, I’ll find you.” Tess couldn’t believe how Joel was speaking to her. Speechless she watched as he walked out and called Ellie to follow.

He had no idea how or where he was going to find you but he knew his priorities were now only you and the baby and he was going to make sure he found you.

Joel’s tags

@moonpascal @katmoonz @picketniffler @stcrrjoon @itsamandi @starry-eyes-love @theoraekenslover @psychoenergy @joeldjarin @heartpatch @baronessvonglitter @guelyury @mynameistokyo @harriedandharassed @locaparapedrito @untamedheart81 @rosaliedepp @illyanam1011 @hopefulatrocity @tikikiki @thewritermj @l0veang3l @manuymesut @katiemarieeee @unknownomgg @secretcheesecakenacho @missladym1981 @xmaykeca @dendulinka6 @wintersquirrel @malfoycassimalfoy @scorpio-echo @orcasoul @mysteryhexgirl @locaparapedrito @alloftheimagines @mystickittytaco

@ashleyfilm @justajoelsreader @lonely-ey3s

@elliesr1fle @ro-nahime-things

@readingiskeepingmegoing

[socksual-innuendos]

You know I'd been on the fence about how HBO had made Tess a momma before the world went to shit but after she's taken over my mind I think it works well as a way to contrast Joel and put her on equal footing to him in regards to "parental pain" in the apocalypse. Tess, unfortunately, is such a small role that nothing deeper gets to be explored with her and her death, while something that happens early and fast, I think sets a good tone for Joel's flaws later on.

I guess long rant with somewhat headcanons/assumptions of what their pre-show life entailed.

I see a lot of people assume that had Tess lived, she'd have gotten maternal, attached to Ellie and that she'd aid Joel in saving her at the end. I don't really understand that. She's the practical one. "The Brains". Joel's whole schtick is that the end of the world made him terribly codependant. We see it when he's hell bent to get to Tommy and we see it when he lies to Ellie, because he'd do anything to keep his cloth daughter close and dear. He's fiercely loyal and protective to a fault, to the point of smothering someone not aware of it.

This is what Tommy/Maria were warning Ellie of. Tess had enough of a head on her shoulders to control and keep it from strangling her. Its not that he's being intentionally malicious, but his fear of losing the thing he's emotionally dependant on will make him do malicious things. I do fully believe he was a raider/not a good person independent of Tess after things went to shit. Whatever you want to call it, "doing what needed to be done" for his brother/their survival, but he was still willing to kill and more for their protection and to provide.

I think for whatever the complexities of their relationship, being Tess' muscle meant he had his Thing to latch onto once Tommy was gone. "I never asked you to feel the same..." perhaps it wasnt so much that he didnt return her feelings so much as she realized what he did return would never be more than him clinging to a life line, stunted emotionally, and unable to keep a balanced relationship that she wanted. She accepted he couldnt meet the expectation, and he became her dog.

All that to say is when we get to the end of the show, and we see that Joel found "who he can save", we are made to feel warmth in that he and this orphaned girl have found family and hope in each other through all the loss....and while it is good, and I like that Joel will do whatever he needs to for his charge, I think its a mighty injustice to the writing and his character to say it wasn't also driven by a flaw of his that can be a sleeping giant of bad traits.....

But then you look outside of just the story were given, and ask "what if it was Tess who survived" or "What if all three made their way west". I dont think this would have ended with the same (mostly) feel good moment if a torn parent finding a way to love like that again.

Tess is the brains. She is the practical one. She is much more aware. Its needed of her to keep contacts and run smuggling rings inside a QZ. Her demons are different than Joel's, and making her a mother in her backstory allows her to be on the same footing as him when making that journey with Ellie.

We see her warm to Ellie much faster than Joel. I don't think this is simply just "maternal instinct" kicking in. It'd be an injustice to boil their friendly interactions down to such. Tess knows when she needs to be a hardass, but she also knows when she wants to let her guard down and be a person. Ellie is cargo, Ellie is precious, Ellie also realizes what her job is and does not seem to want to bolt now that shes outside. And for that, Tess can see her as some teenager being a teenager, and because Tess hasnt entirely walled off her humanity, she jokes and talks with this kid before they make the agreed upon hand off. Its not maternal at this point, it is simply beating the time while doing business.

In this, Tess' demons are different. She does not emotionally wall herself off and then cling to the one person she formed a relationship with. She's much more emotionally aware. She's intelligent. Her dying wish is that Joel does something worth while for once, for the both of them. "We're shitty people"/"We're not good people" seems this sits on her mind.

I think Tess is aware what the end of the world has made of her, and not only does she regret it I believe she also resents how well she slid into this role. She survives, and it is just that. Even if she can smile still, she wants more. We see it with her friendship with Bill and Frank. We see it in the line implying she wanted more with Joel. Instead she realizes the best she can do in this world is a raider and smuggler with a partner who is as close to good enough in this world as she's going to get.

I think if Tess survived instead of Joel the ending would be simple. She takes Ellie west, she gets attached to this witty orphaned girl, becomes protective of her, and feels something more for the first time since the world ended.....

And when they reach the fireflies, she gives Ellie away.

This had gone from a business deal with protected cargo to a shepherd leading his sacrifical lamb (even if Tess never thought this to be literal). I think despite her being sure in her decision, Tess lives the rest of her days hoping to hear news of a cure. Without success this was just another selfish act, an endeavor to make her feel better and redeemed. Hope and good deeds clouding her judgement when she should have listened to her gut screaming to save this child. If there is no cure, not even a direction for obtaining one, then another innocent life was taken by her direct action.

I think worse however is if Tess and Joel both survive to the end. They both bond with Ellie, they see more in each other, flashes of the past are more vibrant now. The feeling is strong, but like that of a phantom limb...

Joel's attachment becomes an issue. I feel like Tess would have anticipated this, but not anticipate that Ellie would have to die for a cure. She certainly would not anticipate that Joel would bite her hand.

HBO canon states she killed her husband when the world ended. Joel could never fill those shoes, but it didnt make the action any easier. In this, Tess' story has come full circle. She kills her partner and cannot do right by the child shes come to love dearly.

Only this time the emptiness and pain feels different. Back when the world ended she didnt know if she would survive. But its decades into the apocalypse, she's become a survivor and quite good at it, but now she's not entirely certain she wants to.

[rise-my-angel]

.

[peterparkersnose]

Give In

pairing: Joel Miller x reader

word count: 2.3k

warnings: suicidal thoughts, pining possibly one sided, ANGST (just a large angst piece, i wanted some joel angst so I made it), description of depression, emotional dependency on a person, arguing, fluff sprinkled in, implied age gap not specified, reference to pregnancy, mentions of substance and alcohol abuse, joel is lowkey toxic and uses reader

a/n hi loves I wrote this after the first episode aired, so if anything contradicts anything in the future in this story that is why. also, i didnt know how to end it so im sorry if the ending is a bit choppy. happy last of us sunday!

summary Y/N has feelings for Joel that she can’t control anymore

Part 2 here

masterlist

join the tag list

read time: 8 min 33 seconds

The harsh chill of the autumn afternoon swept your hair off your shoulders. The ration line was as long as ever, but seemed to be moving quickly. A stray dog barked as others murmured on the street. Staring down at your boots, you bit at your chapped lips.

“You’ve been avoiding me,”

His voice sent chills up your spine. He was behind you, must have slipped in line without the other person noticing. Of course now was the time he decided to confront you. And he wasn’t wrong.

Straightening your back, you turn towards him.

“Have I?” you asked, raising your eyebrows slightly. The line moved forward and so did you.

“Tess said you weren’t feeling well.”

She was partially right. It was the blatant lie you were telling the very few who were close to you. You were physically fine.

“I’m fine, Joel.” you said promptly, turning a cold shoulder to the older man.

“If you need any meds or anything…” he began. You knew Joel had anything you needed. Quite literally.

“Next!” The FEDRA soldier called, motioning for you to get in the final line. You gave Joel a tight lipped smile before disappearing in the crowd.

Back at your sad excuse for an apartment, you poked your fork at your stale meal. You tried to think about todays’s job but the thought of Joel Miller consumed you.

How his hands felt on your skin, how soft his hair could be, how much he respected you in private. Flashbacks of previous nights where he had snuck over and stayed with you burned in your brain.

You never thought the hookup would turn in to feelings. Especially in this world. Feelings you were sure he wouldn’t reciprocate. Joel wasn’t a very emotionally available man. And he had Tess- rumors of them being together had been going on for years. Sure, they deny it. But you see the way he looks at her sometimes. His eyes burn with the lust you want from him, but there staring at her.

Tess was friendly and all, you got along quite well with her in fact. Jobs worked with Tess usually went better than others. But the knowledge that she goes home to him every night almost ate you alive. You felt used every time you would watch her turn the alleyway to their apartment.

Roommates my ass.

It had been over a month since the last time you saw Joel.

He was right, you were avoiding him. Taking the jobs you knew he wouldn’t dare go by such as childcare. Taking a different route home to avoid any run ins. Leaving your lights off and sitting in the dark to possibly deter him away from your place. All your little queues worked.

And the pain grew day by day.

You layed in your mattress with your face buried in your pillow. It stopped smelling like him weeks ago, but you liked to pretend it still did.

You couldn’t live like this anymore.

Pills weren’t numbing enough. Alcohol wasn’t as fun as it used to be. The constant state of depression in this damned district was enough to make you want to end it.

But seeing him across the alleyway talking to a group of people or in the line for rations was enough to keep that tiny spark lit inside of you.

There wasn’t much else to look forward to in this world besides others. Living the same day your whole life is miserable without your spark of joy in it.

Sleep was close, you could feel it. Your thin blankets were just cutting it for the night. As the dreams began to dance in your head, you were awoken by a quiet knock on your door.

“For fucks sake,” you groaned, flipping over in bed. You ignored the knocks. They became more persistent.

The old doorknob then dropped to the floor, startling you awake. You didn’t even have to guess who it was. The door slowly creaked open as you heard him curse to himself.

“I’ll fix it later,” he sighed, picking it off your floor and placing it on your countertop. He pushed one of your folding chairs next to your table up against the door to keep it sturdy.

“So your just breaking into apartments now?” you snapped, sitting up right in bed. “I needed to see you.” he protested.

“I never knew Joel Miller to need anything.”

He sighed and rested against your countertop. “I need to know,”

“Know what?” you asked, wrapping a blanket around your exposed shoulders. A tank top wasn’t ideal to sleep in, in these conditions.

“What’s wrong.” he said bluntly. “I said there’s nothing wrong. What the hell are you doing walking around freely at night?” you yelled, realizing the time was way past midnight. The sounds of soldiers a few floors down outside your apartment began to yell. How did he move past them?

“You sick?” he asked in a more hushed tone, walking towards you. “Respiratory? Head pain? Joints? You pregnant?” he somewhat joked, looking over you in bed.

“Shut up.” you said coldly. “Can you please just go?”

You knew Joel wasn’t a good listener. “What is it?” he said sternly, sitting down next to your body in bed. He grabbed your wrist ever so slightly. Your pulse was shaking in his grasp.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

You looked at the other side of your apartment, out the window. Rain had began to slowly plague the window. Ignoring Joel’s touch, you watched as the few drops raced to the bottom of the window.

“After everything I’ve done for you?” Joel sighed, not letting go of you.

“Stop, please. J-just stop talking to me.” you said, lying through your teeth. He could sense the pain hiding behind those eyes. “I’m not leaving.” he protested.

“Look at me.”

You turned to face him. His eyes were locked on yours. A genuine worried look was on his face. He looked softer, nothing like you had ever seen before.

It was almost as if someone asked you if you were okay when you were very obviously not. Silent tears rolled down your face as you tried to catch your breathe.

The man who you couldn’t love was staring in to your soul. There was no way you ever could love him. He was too mean, too stern, too old, too angry for you. The two of you were polar opposites. But as the saying goes, ‘opposites attract’.

Joel was unsure on what to do. Tess never cried. Hell, you never cried. He racked his brain for something, just something to soothe you.

He offered out a hand. Against your better judgement you took it. Connecting his other hand to your cheek, he tried to wipe away the streak of tears silently leaving your eyes. He held you tightly in your bed, stroking your hair as your head quickly made contact with the crook of his neck.

“I wish I didn’t have these feelings,” you cried into his embrace. Joel was confused on what you were getting at, but he ignored it. He tried to shush you in a soothing way.

“No, please. I wish I didn’t have these feelings… but I do.”

Joel froze. “What?” he asked, holding you in place.

You pulled back and looked at him. It felt like the first time over again. “Look at me and tell me you don’t feel a thing.” you hiccupped.

“I…” Joel sighed, closing his eyes for a moment and letting a breathe of air go.

“Say it.” you demanded.

The silence in the room was deafening.

“I can’t.” Joel said quickly. He looked down at his knees on your mattress.

“I think you should go.” you sighed, laying back on your side and facing the opposite wall.

He listened. Finally, Joel caught a hint. The sound of him walking away made you long for him more than ever. But it was good. The feeling of him leaving, knowing you were right. Joel Miller wasn’t a man who could love. At least not anymore.

Your sudden pride stopped when you heard his boots thud against the floor. Then the all familiar zip of his jeans followed by the hit of him placing them on your wooden chair next to your bed.

He rested a hand on your thigh as he peeled up the blanket that was stuck to your legs. Slowly, he moved down next to you in the tiny space you were leaving him.

“You don’t listen.” you huffed, still not giving him enough space on the bed.

“When do I ever?” he chuckled, wrapping his arm around your waist.

Fuck it. You gave in.

You allowed his arm to move closer to the underside of your breasts. Scooting over in bed, you gave him more space for his legs to entwine with you. His boxer’s material rubbed against the back of your thigh. It smelt like him; Wet grass and expired generic soap scent had never smelt better.

Sleep kindly greeted you once you felt his breathing slow. Trying to match his, you fell into the deep sleep you had been yearning for, for what seemed like weeks.

-

The absence in the morning was startling.

You struggled to move, hoping that the previous night was just a horrifying dream. A sigh escaped from your lips when you saw his boots sitting against the wall where he placed them last night.

The clanking sound of tools made you turn. On the other side of your small studio apartment, there he sat at your doorframe attempting to fix your door handle.

The overcast sky stayed, but you could tell it was early morning by the chatter outside.

“Shit!” Joel hissed, grabbing his finger in pain. “Damn fucking…”

He looked up and noticed you watching him.

“You alright?” you asked, watching him in amusement as he attempted to fix your door.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, sucking the tip of his finger. “Haven’t fixed a door in a good twenty years.” he muttered, wiping off the excess blood on his already dirtied jeans.

“Go back to bed, It’s still early.” he suggested, going through the tiny tool kit he had given you as a previous gift.

“This is more entertaining than sleep,” you chuckled, placing your feet on the cold ground and getting out of bed. “You want any breakfast? I don’t know if I have anything good here but…”

“Nah. Tess’l be expecting me.”

The sheer thought of Tess waiting at their home for him was enough to ruin the whole night you had before.

Joel looked up to you after your lack of a response. He noticed the demeanor change in your face. “Everything okay?” he asked, turning back to the doorknob he was almost finished fixing.

“You seem to go sour every time I mention Tess.”

“I wonder why,” you muttered under your breathe, attempting to open a tuna can for breakfast. You tried not to dry heave as the scent of the old fish met your nose. Tuna was never a favorite meal, especially for breakfast. But, it’s all you had.

Joel pretended like he didn’t hear you, but he heard you loud and clear. “We have a run to do today. You understand that, right?”

A bitter ‘mhm’ came from your lips as you shook the prepackaged coffee in your hand before ripping off the seal.

Joel sighed and placed the screw driver down dramatically. Joel’s knees cracked as he got up from his position. “You always gotta fucking act jealous. Don’t you? Ruinin’ a nice morning.”

“Jealous?” you said, raising your voice.

“What the hell do you even want from me?” you scorned, on the brink of tears. He could see through you like glass. You hated to admit it, but he knew you like the back of his hand.

Joel wished he could shout out the answer, but his ego kept it in.

You froze with your back turned to him and set down the brittle coffee mug. “Your always leaving me to go to her…”

“Because we’re business partners, Y/N. Don’t you get it? Don’t you hate livin’ the same damn day over and over again? It’s why I come to see you.”

“Stop,” you whispered, now face to face with him. “Stop yelling. Please, it’s too fucking early to get into that shit.”

“Really? Tell me you don’t loose your mind living the same day, same drama for years!” he yelled. “Always you being jealous. Don’t you ever get sick of it?”

Anger consumed you. Proof that the two of you would never work. He’s just a bitter old man.

“You know I would give anything to leave this damn QZ! To live a normal life, not fucking be here.” you yelled, with a finger now pointed at his face. You were avoiding the original accusation. Jealousy.

“Tell me.” you said, with a quieter but angrier tone. “Am I really just your fuck toy?”

Joel stepped back for a moment, stunned at what you just said. Guilt seemed to wrack his nerves as the realization hit him.

You were in love with him.

“Is that what you think?” he asked, approaching you with a sorrowful more soft look. “What else am I supposed to think? You come here, use me, and leave and go back to her.”

The feeling of letting go of all that emotion felt healing. The sudden aftermath of realizing what you just had accused him of made you feel somewhat guilty.

“No,” he sighed, grabbing your hand. “That- no. Absolutely not Y/N.”

His other hand reached for your chin, and brought your face up to his gaze. You could feel his heat on your skin.

“Understand…” he began to say. “Understand what?” you whispered back. A sly smile came to his lips.

“Give in,” he whispered, dropping your hand and wrapping his around your waist.

You melted into his grasp as he kissed you. Joel hadn’t kissed anyone in years. The hesitation from him only brought out the dominance in you.

As the two of you mutually pulled away, you wanted nothing more as to be back where you were just seconds ago.

“Understand that it’s hard.” he said, still holding you close. “I…”

“I know.” you said, cutting off his words.

You were an anxious, sorrowful over-thinker and he was the bitter, closed off introvert.

“I’ll be back,” he said, with a slighter more chipper tone. “Tonight. We have to get this damn car battery and…”

“Stay safe,”

“I promise.” Joel said. He really did not want to leave you. The thought of the two of you spending today lazily in bed was very tempting.

“But please believe me Y/N when I say, you are and never have been just a ‘fuck toy’.”

He squeezed your hand once more and then dropped it. Silence filled the apartment after he left.

The thought of how you tasted haunted Joel Miller’s mind the whole day.

Part 2

tag list: @dani5216 @uwiuwi @alohastyles-x @samanthacookieone @maddieinnit0 @alexxavicry @scoliobean @avengersfan25

[mentally-ill-simp]

Imagine Joel coming home to his pregnant wife hurt

Tess had been sitting on their shitty sofa reading a book Joel had found weeks ago. It had been three months since Tess had told her husband she was pregnant and he made the call that she was not allowed to go on jobs with him for the next while. They had been trying their best to hide the pregnancy from everyone just in case anything were to come up, Joel couldn't risk her getting hurt. Tess felt kind of useless sitting at home doing nothing, i mean she was only 4 months along what did he think was gonna happen, he knew she was badass but the only problem was that she was reckless. Tess didnt look out for herself as much as she should have and it made Joel concerned so she stayed home. Tess put the book down bored as hell. She sighed waiting for Joel to come home and entertain her, she looked down at her stomach and saw the small bump that was forming and smiled a bit. A part of her felt shitty for bringing a child into this shit world but another part of her knew that both her and Joel would protect the baby no matter what. Just then the door opened and in came a bloody Joel "hey I'm home" he said, she jumped to her feet and ran over to him "what the hell Joel, what did you do?!" She asked concered "you should see the other guys" he laughed a bit and sat down. She walked over to pick up the bottle of whiskey they had on their table and she put it on a rag,Tess started cleaning her husband up as he winced a bit. Joel put his hands on her hips while she cleaned hus wounds "you're an idiot Joel" she said as she pulled out some thread "and you're hot" he laughed. Tess started stitching his wounds up and Joel looked at her stomach, he smiled and put his hand on her small bump "i sleep in the same bed as you every night and i have not seen this" he said rubbing small circles on her stomach "stop being such a sap Joel" she said and finished stitching him up "then stop being the love of my life and the mother of my child" he said and she looked down at him "stop almost dying, we have a baby to raise" she said and pecked him on the lips. Tess sat down beside her husband and leaned her head on his shoulder "you still sure you wanna go through with this?" He asked "are you having second thoughts?" She asked "no I'm not but what if i can't do it" he says rubbing his thumb over his wifes stomach "well i don't feel confident so i guess we'll just have to be there for eachother" she said and looked at him "have you thought of any names?" He asked "yeah i mean one" she said and smiled "well go on let's hear it" he said waiting "what about if it's a girl Madelyn Sarah Miller" she said and looked at Joel for a reaction. Joel felt his eyes water up and he nodded "yes,100% yes" he smiled and kissed her

[wisenedup]

// *leans over* d'you think joel didn't tell bill about tess for his own sake, for bill's, for both of them, or for some other reason? *chinhands*

ok so likeneither bill nor joel handle loss well. we haven’t even really seen joel properly mourn at this point, especially over tess or even really over sarah. he breaks down crying when sarah dies, sure, but from that point on its like she never existed.when ellie brings up tess’ death- right after they shut the doors on her, outside the subway, etc, joel is real quick to shut her down. he absolutely does not address it- you don’t bring up tess, ever. lets keep our histories to ourselves.‘so what kinda trouble u in? where the hells tess?’‘j-just a job- simple drop off-’he doesn’t acknowledge the question about tess at all, his voice kind of shakes, he tries to turn focus off that second question entirelya few minutes later, ‘so, you didnt answer my question about tess- thought you two were insperable’he awkwardly goes ‘shes busy’bills not buying it- ‘sounds like trouble in paradise,’ kind of laughing, the thought not even occurring to him that of all people something has happened to TESS joel, not looking at him, just mumbles about ‘yeah, somethin like that’‘how the hells tess ok with this suicide mission’‘it was actually her idea’‘really??’his back is to Bill for the whole exchange, he just gives a couple small, quiet nods of confirmation. bill is bewildered, disbelieving.‘well, broads not as smart as i thought she was’joel looks away, grimaces, shifts his weight- he’s uncomfortable, he thought the same damn thing of her, and she died for it‘but… fuck her’bills movements are clipped as he messes with the shot guns. joel turns towards him, sits on the table with his back to him again.bill starts telling him a a story- had someone i cared about. joel turns towards him, listening, silently asking to hear more.caring about someone almost got bill killed, so he wisened the fuck up and shut everyone out‘it aint like that, bill’‘bullshit, its exactly like that’bill notices ellie screwing around with his shit, tells her to dont touch, turns back to the conversation with his temper up‘you keep caring and its gonna blow up in your face!’‘bill!’ joel stands, distances himself from bill, takes a deep breath and, sounding kind of defeated, asks if they can just get on with it.‘here! lets get on with it’ bill mocks, pissed off now.joel sighs, turns away.‘what the hell is plan b??’‘you oughta be thankful youre still drawin breath!!! that was plan a, b, c, all the way to fuckin’ z- and furthermore, tell tess-’ joel turns towards him, raises his voice, points angrily ‘-she can take this job and she-’‘dont you bring tess into this!!’‘- she can shove it right up-’‘this has nothin to do wi-!’Bill’s face falls, his hand falls, as he notices something over joel’s shoulder- joel spins, sees a body hanging there.

‘jesus-’ joel turns. bill hasnt moved, hasnt said anything. joel looks back, gestures at the body. ‘you know this guy or something?’ he still sounds hostile- almost bitter? disgusted?‘… frank.’joel practically scoffs- he shrugs angrily, practically rolls his eyes, turns back to bill. ‘who the hell is frank?’bills eyes slide over to joel. his face has hardened. his anger over almost getting killed has evaporated. quietly, his voice ragged, he just says ‘he was my partner’. was. the partner i told you about, the person i cared about, almost got killed over, the partner i implied that i abandoned. joel doesnt move for a few seconds, turns towards frank’s body, eyes huge. realization washes over him. he sighs. his expression falls, he looks down, closes his eyes.

he glances over at Bill as he moves, his own anger gone, he just looks painful, sympathetic.bill cuts him down, stares at him, starts assessing his condition. in the reflection on the window, you can see joel look away- he rubs his neck, shifts. he moves closerthe pain on his face upsets me almost as much as the mourning on bill’s face. he listens, silent.‘he’s got bites, here… and…’joel closes his eyes again, looks away- tess had bites, too. bills voice fails and, quietly, joel speaks up. his voice is soft, almost respectful. he knows what bill is going through, what frank went through.‘i reckon he didn’t wanna turn, so….’‘guess not.’ bill glances over his shoulder, realizes joel is watching him. caught, joel’s eyes flick away.joel finds frank’s letter- a suicide note in all but name. these are frank’s last words. joel heard tess’- what does he have to offer bill except for this? does he really have a right to keep it to himself?‘i, uh… found this- figured you should have it.’the mood of the group is muted when they get back to town. bills back to his pessimistic wise cracking, but it feels different- his tone isn’t as light. he sounds tired.when joel follows him from the truck- and i may be projecting here- he looks sad as he watches bills back. he knows that bill is alone now. he’s shut himself off to the world- his partner is dead. joel knows tess is dead. joel joked that he and ellie would be dead in a few days’ time and, even if they’re not- the truck is there for a reason, they have to go to the other side of the country. theres no one left in bills life; hes truly alone now. he awkwardly offers his condolences about frank- that’s a tough deal, bill.ok so. first off, Bill is the one to bring up Tess every time she’s mentioned. where is she? why has she broken pattern and left you on your own? bill’s familiar with her. he knows her well enough to recognize behavior that’s out of character. between that, and repeatedly bringing her up- it’s not a far stretch to say he cares about her to some extent. he definitely cares about joel- all his generosity, the risks he takes for joel, etc.now, the purpose of bills town- i think even by druckmann’s own words- is to help joel deal with tess’s death. joel’s whole shtick is shutting himself off to his losses- he doesn’t even really acknowledge sarah until ellie hands him the photo. in bill, joel can see what’s gonna happen if he carries on like he has been, shutting people out.acknowledging tess’ death would mean, addressing it, accepting it. joel wont do that. he can’t do that. i dont think tess is brought up again until the end of the game when ellie mentions everyone who’s died?so i think that it’s mostly- especially in the minds of the devs- for Joel’s sake that he doesn’t tell bill that tess is dead(as was mentioned, joel is as bad at accepting loss as Bill is, if not worse, and he never even lets ellie address it) but you could make an argument that he did it for bill’s sake too- he knows the guy, and saw how frank’s leaving closed him off to the world, and directly witnessed what happened when bill found his body. i dont think hed have the heart to inform bill that tess is dead.