#but his care and attachment to ellie and how him seeing sarah in ellie during this episode

[rise-my-angel]

.

[yanderes-galore]

Oh . My bad, I apologize.

Maybe then just Platonic Yandere!Joel Miller?

It's alright ^^ I hope you still like the concept! I have not finished The Last of Us Part 1 yet so I kept it general.

He is genuinely dad material.

Minor The Last of Us Part 1 spoilers

Yandere! Platonic! Joel Miller Concept

(The Last of Us Part 1 - Game)

Pairing: Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Overprotective dad Joel, Slight trust issues, Paranoia, He's overprotective of you and Ellie, Murder, Violent, Fear of losing a child, Joel's still sort of grieving.

The dynamic between Joel and darling in this would be like how he is with Ellie.

Even at the age of 18 you're still inexperienced with how the world works now.

Joel has almost seen all this dangerous world has to offer.

He's killed, he's stolen, he's developed a reputation in this world filled with hunters and human fungus.

He used to be such a caring father...

Now Joel's been bred into a monster.

Joel could've met you some time after when he had found Ellie.

By this point he's still trying to get used to essentially parenting Ellie.

The moment he finds you he dreads parenting another...

Sure, you're a young adult and can care for yourself for the most part...

Yet you're clumsy and your skills aren't perfected.

It'll take time before Joel fully accepts you into the little pair he has.

He already thinks keeping Ellie around puts him in danger already.

Despite his hesitance to aiding you, Ellie seems to trust you enough.

Joel's trust for you only grows when you prove you can provide and take care of yourself.

Essentially, prove you won't get everyone killed and he adopts you into the group.

It's just Joel and his two kids now.

Joel begins to see you and Ellie as his new family in this twisted world.

After all... he hasn't got much left in this world after the death of Sarah and Tess.

When Joel starts to accept you as a companion you'll start noticing his odd behavior.

Joel acts like a caring and overprotective dad towards you.

He does everything he can to keep you and Ellie safe.

Joel doesn't flinch at the idea of violence or murder to keep you safe.

Ellie can vouch that Joel has bashed in the skulls of zombies and hunters alike to protect her.

The same would be for you, too.

Something you'll notice is Joel will treat you like you can't take care of yourself at times.

He ends you treating you like you're younger than you are.

Probably due to taking care of Sarah and Ellie.

This leads to arguments between you and Joel.

Often you'll end up yelling at each other for one thing or another.

He blames you still sort of being a teen.

Despite this Joel still tries to be like a dad to you.

Ellie sees you like an older sibling in the group and doesn't like it when Joel starts fights with you.

He claims his motives are to protect you.

Yet it comes off as suffocating due to him having a fear of losing you.

There's so much danger in this infected world.

You could get shot by hunter groups... or be infected by cordyceps spores....

Joel doesn't like the idea of losing you once he's attached to you.

Which is exactly why he was scared to be attached to you in the first place.

Even if you've seen the murder and violence Joel commits to protect you and Ellie, he hates it when you see it.

Joel tends to put you in charge of Ellie while he deals with the danger.

Joel shows he cares for the both of you during downtime.

When you're hiding in an abandoned house to rest, Joel pulls you into his chest and hugs you.

Sometimes Ellie joins while Joel just... holds you to his body.

He wonders if Sarah would've acted like you when she got older.

A lot of Joel's platonic yandere behavior is due to him losing Sarah.

He can't bare to lose another child, especially since he technically has two now.

There's always a nagging voice within Joel while he survives alongside you and Ellie.

It mocks him when walking through spore clouds with his mask on...

It lectures him whenever he defends you from hunters...

The voice tells him he isn't capable enough to defend you or Ellie.

It tells him he'll fail.

Joel's determined to prove his anxiety wrong...

He'll be a good dad to you both and protect you... even if it means you'll despise him in the process. Nothing's going to come between him and his new family.

[ohraicodoll]

can we get a headcannon from joels pov on how he found himself getting emotionally close with red?

Joel wasn't sure when exactly the switch in his head happened. When he stopped seeing Red as just a tag-a-long that helped make the job of watching Ellie easier and when he started to care for her.

He'd agreed to letting her come because of Ellie, because he could see the girl needed someone after the horror of Henry and Sam, and he'd relented. But in his mind he wasn't going to get attached.

He knew the attraction part of it started early. It was hard to ignore, but there was no shame in admitting to himself that he found her gorgeous in her rage and violence. A carnivorous flower.

It was akin to finding something dangerous beautiful. A jaguar behind a thin pane of glass.

Maybe it was that first time they got drunk that he started to see her as a person. It was the first time she talked to him and had a conversation and not clipped words and grunts and stutters. Her voice was raspy but easy with liquor and for once he wanted her to keep talking just to listen. For a second it felt just like before the Outbreak, talking to a pretty girl at a bar about all the things they liked.

She wasn't just a weapon or an asset after that. She was a woman that had interests and likes and had a family and a partner before everything. Things started to click between them, a bridge built.

That was when they started getting on the same page, able to communicate silently. He realized that she didn't just have Ellie's back but his as well.

Then the panic at the close calls. The cabin. Her coming out in only a towel and patching him up, kneeling between his thighs and still baring her teeth. The aching want that had flooded him at seeing her there.

Finding her on the living room floor afterwards, awake and annoyed and uncomfortable, had been the tipping point. He wasn't sure what made him brave enough to proposition her. The loneliness, the image of her naked skin with the stars tattooed on her chest, the excuse that it would be just sex and it wasn't a big deal.

But he'd been wrong and he realized he was tumbling into the abyss the moment his fingers were between her thighs. And when she finally made a sound, unable to keep it in, it was over for him. He was drowning in everything, trying to cling desperately to the life raft that was his excuses. No kissing, it's just sex it's just sex it's just sex.

Her eyes found his and her skin was flushed and for a second she was vulnerable, unmasked, and he couldn't help himself.

He still clung to his excuses every time he found her in the darkness. Every kiss on her skin, ever moan swallowed by her mouth, every time her nails raked across his scalp. But it was the aftermath that did him in.

Joel had a hard time letting go of her after, her warm body in his arms, and somehow he got addicted to her voice. He knew it was something only he and Ellie got and relished in it, somehow finding he was willing to offer tiny pieces of himself in exchange for listening.

They talked about music, about his brother, smuggling, him growing up in Arlington before moving to Austin. He dodged around Sarah, his ex-wife, all the pain. She mentioned being a military brat, of all things, moving a lot, touching only briefly on a potential group she had left and the different areas she roamed when she was alone. Not much, but crumbs for each other, passed from one set of lips to the other.

He tried to keep a distance during the day. The light made everything too real, too blatant, so he kept his distance and rough tone. They used their anger as a shield. But the anxiety started to twist and grow with every close call.

She'd later tell him he was dealing with panic attacks but it felt like he was dying at the time. Every fear strangling him and squeezing around his heart until he couldn't breathe. Joel tried to hide it like a wounded dog but she noticed because of course she would. She always did.

Dread started to seep in because the fear tasted familiar and he knew that somewhere down the line he had tumbled too far. That losing Red just like losing Ellie would hurt and he didn't know if he could do it.

He had tried to give some part of himself to Tess but couldn't ever do it, even when she asked and pushed past the line of partner into more. He couldn't give it to her and even if she said she was fine with only sex, he knew she wasn't.

But he found he was already giving pieces of himself to Red and she hadn't even asked. Something that hadn't happened since Sarah's mom. It was terrifying.

When he tried to push her away, push her to Tommy and wipe his hands clean, it was like she clawed him on the way out. Raked her talons across his flesh and made him bleed to remember her by. It was the first time in a long while that they had a warm, clean bed to sleep in and he was spending it awake most of the night, alone, trapped in the cycle of both Ellie and Red's voices and Sarah's disappointed eyes.

Joel couldn't follow through with it. It all cracked that night, the wall he'd tried so hard to put up turning to dust in his hands. He couldn't leave Ellie and Red, couldn't bare to pass them off to someone else and never know what would happen to them. He wanted Ellie's chatter and laughs, Red's glances, her voice late at night. He wanted them with him.

Joel Miller was an admittedly selfish man and he wanted it all.

So he let himself tumble down after them.

[justagalwhowrites]

Most people nowadays write Jackson Joel but I fucking love QZ Joel and you just write him so so fucking perfect!!!

I 100% believe Joel could’ve and would’ve been soft and loving with the person he cares about during that time and I love seeing people explore QZ Joel and actually make him feel the feelings he’s so scared about.

And you’re such an amazing writer and write Joel so well anyway. I absolutely love it and I loved the last one. Him realising it’s not her fault because he never told her and looking for her and not letting anything get in his way… absolute chefs kiss 👌🏻

OMG Hi Bestie!

I love QZ Joel. I clearly love Jackson, Joel, too (see: Yearling) but QZ Joel FASCINATES me. My next TLOU outbreak storyline fic will be QZ Joel. I haven't mapped it out yet, I don't know if will end before Ellie or not yet, but I have a concept for it and I just love QZ Joel, OK? He's amazing.

I'm so torn on QZ Joel, I feel like he would have such a hard time really loving someone without really being pushed into it but Joel is, at his core, a person who has a tendency to get really attached to the people he cares about. I think he's constantly at war with himself before Ellie. He was with her, too, until he just couldn't be anymore. But with Tess, for example, he clearly cared about her very very deeply but (in the show) she even says she never asked him to feel how she felt. I think he's just too traumatized to let himself go that last step with someone until he's all but forced into it even though that goes against his nature. That was the crux of his issue in Lavender, some part of his subconscious mind sees love as a risk to his own life. He loved Sarah so much, he lost Sarah, it made him try to kill himself because he couldn't cope with it. There's that animalistic hind brain that now goes "love that can be lost = death" and is going to put up every possible roadblock to protect him from it. But he's a lover and protector at his core.

I JUST LOVE HIM OK??

Thank you so much for reading! I'm so happy you enjoyed it!!

Love you!!

[dissonantdreamer]

when is it implied that joel tried to kill himself?

i've played both games probably 100 times over, don't know how ive missed that lmao

This is very late because my Tumblr got shadow banned for a bit for no reason? Anyway here's some thoughts about Joel.

During the hotel scene in Pittsburgh you have several chances of optional dialogue with Ellie for the "I want to talk about it" achievement. One of theme takes place in front of dead bodies in a bathtub.

Ellie says, "I guess they took the easy way out, huh."

Joel responds with a far away, "It ain't easy."

Its implied in a lot of ways that Joel struggled to survive. An aspect of Joel that seems to be glossed over frequently is his survivors guilt. Much like Ellie, he survived, continues to survive, in a world that he had thrust upon him through a violent loss of a loved one. In the Part 1 remake, we can actually see he suffered from anxiety. which is a detail I'm glad they added. He behaves like someone with untreated anxiety and guilt. Not wanting to talk about loss, forcing himself to ignore the past and avoiding getting attached to the present because he can't care about people who won't be in his future. Not wanting to discuss losing Sarah, Tess, Sam, and Henry is a very poor coping mechanism and is in line with depicting someone struggling with their mental health going untreated.

I'm sure Joel learned some proper techniques after his wife left. After all he has to keep a roof over his and Sarah's head, so he fights. He fights to make it to soccer when he can, fights to be there for Sarah, despite his hectic work schedule. It's not perfect, he struggles but his kid loves him all the same. Just as he's getting a handle on things the world goes to shit and he loses the one thing he fought for. The person he woke up for and dragged himself through the day for. The person who relied on him to keep her safe the most died in his arms. After he fought tooth and nail to keep her safe. He failed and if your world has already ended, why not end it all?

Unable to cope with loss drives him to be a hunter, to kill, to be ruthless, allowing himself to let go of himself. Becoming a smuggler in Boston, having Tess around was a balance he found as he grew older. He allowed himself to soften up for her and she dies in the end too.

Caring gets you hurt.

Many aspects of Joel's character is chalked up to big tough guy who grew to care. That character assessment is off, Joel is a man, who cared, who cares. He cared to the point he had to shut that part of himself down to keep himself alive. Joel is a man who always cared, and he thought that made surviving difficult. In the end he learned how to care for himself again. He relearned how to fight, how to live. The sad part is once again, just as he started to get a handle on things, his world went to shit and his past caught up with him.

[faerune]

love 1-10 for joelclaire? :3c

Who said "I love you" first, and what was the situation? Claire did! Joel made the first move in terms of admitting romantic feelings and initiating their relationship so I like the idea of Claire being the one to take it to the next step. I think it's a nice, simple domestic moment for the two of them. They're making dinner together or cuddling in bed right before they fall asleep and Claire just ever so softly says it - like she's afraid if she says it too loud something bad might happen.

What are their primary love languages? Claire prefers to receive her love in acts of service and physical touch! She's a little awkward/not good at being verbal about her affections so she depends on physical things like touch and acts of service to get her point across. She grew up with a mother who was a very typical housewife too and so she grew up seeing acts of service as a primary way of expressing love. Joel definitely likes quality time together. It doesn't have to be anything special, he just values being around those he loves. Prior to the outbreak, I think he wasn’t able to spend as much time with Sarah as he would have liked to due to working a lot to support the both of them and that kind of informs a lot of how he shows love later on in life. I think ironically considering his prickliness he really hates being alone as well (I mean...Tommy, Tess, Ellie, etc he always has someone with him he cares about). I also just think he's a physical person and gives good hugs 10/10.

Who uses the cheesy pick-up lines, or does corny gestures? Joel is king of corny pick-up lines are you kidding me!!! He just loves to make Claire smile and little things like that always get her.

How often do they cuddle or engage in PDA? They cuddle and touch pretty often when its just the two of them and maybe a little bit around loved ones/family (holding hands, chaste kisses, etc.) but they're pretty subdued about that kind of stuff in general. The feel very protective of their relationship - not that they’re not secure in it more so that a lot of it is just for them. They’re also not young and bold anymore and feel the need to Show Off.

Who initiates kisses? Where is their favorite spot to kiss each other? Joel initiates it more often but Claire loves kisses too ofc! Joel loves to kiss Claire on the top of her head and Claire loves to kiss Joel on his palms/the heel of his hands or his neck (not necessarily in a spicy way her head just kind tucks there automatically during hugs and she gives lil pecks).

What are their favorite things to do together? Anything really! They're attached at the hip even if they don't wanna admit it. Watch movies, sit on the porch together and read/have a drink when the warm weather comes, go out on patrol or hunting or just for a ride. A lot of the time they take their watches together too. Joel and Claire are both good at cooking as well and love to cook with each other/for their loved ones.

Who is better at comforting the other? How do they usually comfort each other? I think they're both great at comforting each other because they both struggle with similar demons. A lot of the time they just sit together. Cuddle. Make each other food or tea. They don't pry or ask questions but make sure they take care of themselves. 

I think in their lives they've just gotten to a point where they just...weather through things. They've been through so much there's no real hope of...sorting through it all? That sounds really sad but it's more so that they just weather the storm, take comfort in each other and the good things in their lives. It isn’t really feasible or realistic that they like...go to therapy and talk things out every week :’)

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection? Physical affection! Although, Joel can be a sweet talker sometimes ;) Claire gets very blushy when he does which Joel adores.

What reminds them of each other? What reminds Claire of Joel: horses, winter snows, coffee, flannel, the warmth of being wrapped in a quilt by the fire, Johnny Cash, Ellie :).

What reminds Joel of Claire: also horses lmao, doggies (especially Ace), pies (any kind of baked good), leather boots, the smell of leaves in the fall, certain country music stars she loves, bow and arrows.

What do they like best about each other? I think above else they love that the other can understand what they’ve gone through. Everyone in the world has some kind of trauma of course, you can’t live post-apocalypse and not but Joel and Claire very much are two sides of the same coin in some aspects. They understand each other. They bring a kind of peace and acceptance to the other that they haven’t really found. They belong when they’re with each other and there is no judgement.

Claire loves how much Joel values the people he loves. She likes how protected and safe she feels with him. Claire has always sought that out in partners - the feeling of safety and security. She likes that Joel brings her more into the community and thinks about how much Dale (her long time friend and mentor who sadly passed a few years prior) would like him for that. Claire loves the way Joel loves, how protective he is, how he would set aside everything to make sure the people he loves are okay. 

Joel loves how strong Claire is. She’s been through so much, even more than he has in some cases, and she’s still here living. She’s independent and strong and he loves to be that safe space for her. He loves to see the soft spots beneath her armor; her love of country music, love of cooking and baking, the way she talks to Ace like he’s a person :’), the way she blushes when she drinks or when he says something so sweet its cavity-inducing and the way she tries to learn how to knit and sew when she has a broken arm because she can’t stand staying still, loves to see her open herself up to love and community.  

Joel and Claire are very much on the same trajectory in terms of development. They’re both trying to make sense of this new life in Jackson and heal from things they can never talk about. While they do, they lean on each other.

[avengerscompound]

The Tower: Family - 19

The Tower: Family An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 2349

Warnings:  Pregnancy

Synopsis: With new powers, Thor now living on Earth full time, a wedding to plan, and Natasha and Wanda expecting, a lot is changing for Elly and her large and rather unconventional family.  When Elise’s parents try to reestablish connections, Elly questions what being a family actually means.

Chapter 19: Names

I was just under twenty weeks pregnant when I went to have my glucose test and the ultrasound that would tell us about any major abnormalities and possibly what sex the baby was.  The twins were on one of their home days and we were taking them along too, so they could be there when they learned if the last of their new siblings would be a brother or sister.  Everyone was excited and there had been bets made on if it would be a boy or a girl.  Some people seemed to think that statistically, it would have to be a boy as there were already three girls on their way.  However, Tony, Bruce, Sam, and Bucky all knew that’s not how statistics worked and seemed to think that it would be a girl just because the universe wanted us to have to all agree on four different girls' names at the same time.

While I was waiting for the sugar drink to take effect Natasha and Wanda had their checkups.  They were now up to 28 weeks and everything was really good.  Even Wanda with the twins was looking very on track.  Both girls were growing strongly and Doctor Schroeder had no concerns at all about her getting to full term with them.

When I’d finally had my blood test and come into the examination room, Natasha and Wanda were finishing up and I was directed to get up on the table for my ultrasound.  Steve, Tony, and Bruce were in attendance.  Pietro was sitting on Bruce’s knee playing with a stethoscope, while Steve held Riley and she tried to grab every single thing that was in reach of her.

“How have you been feeling, Elise?”  Doctor Schroeder asked as I got into position and she set up the ultrasound machine.

“Good,” I said. “The morning sickness passed.  I have more energy.  They kick a lot so I don’t get worried about them too much.”

“That’s good.  And you’re keeping your stress levels low?”  She asked, squeezing some gel on my stomach.

“Well…” I said, guiltily.  “Less stress than when I was pregnant with the twins.”

She shook her head and pressed the paddle to my stomach.  “You really need to be taking care of yourself, Elise.”

“You tell that to the world,” I snarked, and she laughed as she pressed the paddle down on her stomach.

The baby came into view on the screen, looking like an actual baby right down to the fingers and toes.  “I’m assuming you’re all finding out the sex,” she said.

“Oh yeah.  I definitely want to know what flavor of spawn El is cooking,” Tony said.

“And I’m guessing you’re all hoping for a boy,” she joked.

Tony went to speak, but Steve quickly cut him off.  “We’ll all be happy either way.”

“What about you kids?”  Doctor Schroeder asked.  “Do you want this to be a brother or a sister?”

“I wanna sisder,” Riley said quickly.

“No, Wiley,” Pietro argued.  “Deres fwee sisders.  I wanna brovver.”

Doctor Schroeder started laughing.  “Well, let’s see which one of you gets your wish.”

She moved the paddle getting it into position to see better.  “Alright, if you’re placing bets, now’s the time,” she said.  Tony crossed his fingers and started chanting, “Boy, boy, boy, boy, boy.”

“And we have a…” she said slowly, dragging out the suspense for as long as possible.  “Boy.  You’re having a boy.”

“Yes!”  Tony said, pumping his fist in the air and leaning over and kissing me deeply.

“You hear that, Piet?”  Bruce asked.  “You get a brother.”

“Yay!”  Pietro said, bouncing on Bruce’s lap.

“Oh, no,” Steve said.  “We’re going to have a little mini-Tony in the family.”

I started laughing and cradled Tony’s jaw.  “I know.  Isn’t it great?”

“A boy,” Tony repeated.  “Three girls and a little boy.”

“Will this make picking names easier or harder, do you think?” I asked.

The answer to that question was ‘harder’.  Having one boy made deciding on the name harder.

After we finished up with the doctor we met the others on the garden deck with the dogs for a kind of picnic to try and work out names. With the twins, I had been the one to decide their names.  I accepted input but no one was willing to argue with me about which names I settled on because I’d been under so much stress during the pregnancy.  This time, we were all deciding together.

Having three girls on the way meant that everyone was willing to be more open to accepting girl’s names put forward by other people because there was always another daughter to have the girl’s name they preferred.  There was only one boy and anyone that had a name they liked or was special to them wanted it to be the one used.  So while the kids played with the dogs, we all sat around arguing about names.

“Hey, hey,” Steve said, putting his hands up.  “Maybe we need to write a list.”

Tony opened up a screen that we could all see.

“So for girls we have; Sarah, Rebecca, Kate, Thour, Torunn, Ada, Lyra, Rose, and Marya,” Steve said.  “And for boys we have; Paul, Thomas, William, Módi, Edwin, Ian, George, and Alex.”

“That’s more names than kids alright,” I joked as I helped myself to an egg salad sandwich.

“Should we vote?”  Natasha asked.  “I only suggested a girl’s name and Tony only suggested a boy’s name so we might be able to work it out through votes.”

“I don’t know about that,” Bucky argued.  “Some of those names are important.  Some are just names we like.”

“Maybe people who have names they wanted to be used already should get less of a vote this time,” Wanda suggested.  “I mean, Pietro is already named for my brother.  It is only fair that the names I suggested be put at the back of the line.”

“Does that mean El doesn’t get a say this time?”  Clint asked.  “I mean, Piet and Riley were named without a vote. She just decided.”

“Whose fault is that, Clint?” I snarked.

“Right,” he said, holding his hands up.  “I know.  Sorry, I was just asking.”

“Elise gets just as much a say as everyone else,” Steve said firmly.  “She may have selected Riley and Pietro’s names but she chose them based on people who were important to some of us.”

“Daddy, daddy, daddy,” Riley said, running flat out into the group, followed by Spotty.  She slammed into Sam’s side, drawing a soft ‘oof’ from him before grabbing his arm and pulling on it.  “Come, come pway.”

“Hold on, you monster.  We’re just trying to pick the names for your new brothers and sisters,” Sam explained, picking her up and tossing her in the air.  “After I finish my lunch I’ll play.”

“Why don’t you and Pietro get in the swings and I’ll push you,” Wanda suggested.  Riley seemed to think that was a good idea as she ran back off with the dalmatian on her heels.  When she and Pietro climbed up into their toddler swings, Wanda flicked her wrist and used her telekinesis to push them.

“Is it worth noting that Sarah was a name put forward by two people and so was Rebecca?”  I asked.

“That’s a good point,” Steve agreed.

“Plus those are family ones.  I’d really like to name one of my daughters after my sister,” Bucky said.  “And it was Bruce’s mom too right, Bruce?”

Bruce nodded.  “That’s right.  I would definitely like to honor my mother.  She was the only reason I made it through infancy.”

“And I’d like to use Sarah for the same reason,” Steve agreed.

“Plus Sarah was my late sister’s name,” Sam added.

“I’m fine with Sarah and Rebecca being two of the names,” I said.

“Anyone not okay with that?”  Tony asked.  When no one argued it, he moved the names Rebecca and Sarah to a new column.

“Was there any other girl’s names that were special to us?”  Steve asked.

“Marya was my mother’s name,” Wanda said, still flicking her wrist back and forth as she swung the kids.  The sounds of the squeals floating over to us.

“And Rose was the name I chose when I had a miscarriage,” Natasha said. “I know that’s not the same thing but… I feel attached to the name.”

Clint put his arm around her and rubbed her side.

“They’re both really pretty names,” I said.  “I’d be happy with either.”

There was a murmuring of agreement from the others. Tyr who seemed to be finished playing with the kids came over and curled up on Bucky’s lap and he started playing with the spaniel’s ears.

“I guess the question would be if either of you is happy to have the name as a middle name?  And if not, do you want to hold onto it in case we have any more children in the future.”

“I can wait,” Wanda said, caressing her stomach. “Pietro was named for my brother and I want to do this again.  Maybe not for a while but I love being pregnant.”

Tony moved the name Rose under Rebecca and Marya to a completely different line.

“Alright, we’re getting somewhere,” Steve said.  “Anyone not okay with any of these girls' names being middle names?”

“If we ever use Thour, I’d like it to be a first name,” Thor said.

“Same with Kate,” Clint added, and both names were moved to the row with Marya.

“Well that leaves three names, which is exactly what we need,” Bruce said.  “So let’s just see how they sound together.”

There was a little toing and froing, and at one point Clint and Sam got up to play with the kids while we argued about how the names sounded together.  In the end, we settled on Rebecca Torunn for the baby Natasha was carrying, and Sarah Lyra and Rose Ada for the twins.

“Alright we have eight boys’ names and one boy,” Steve said.  “How are we going to do this? What names are important to us?  Ian was my grandfather and George was Bucky’s dad.”

“Paul was my dad,” Sam added.

“Edwin was Jarvis’ first name,” Tony said.

“But all of you have also had a kid or more named after someone important to you,” I reasoned.  “Has anyone not done that?”

“Well you, and you’ve carried the most babies,” Sam said playfully.

“That is true. But I did also name the twins with no discussion,” I added.  “I don’t know if I have any names that I really love anyway.  I like having the names be important to all of you.”

“Seriously though, El,” Bruce said.  “All of us have put names forward and all of us have had at least one name that was important to us used already.  Isn’t there a name you grew up loving?  Or a family member who you did love?  A grandparent maybe?”

I shook my head and shrugged a little.  “I liked the name Nova I guess,” I said.  “But I’d much rather he be Edwin or Ian or Paul than Nova.”

“Not George?  Rude,” Bucky teased.

“Come on now, Buck,” I teased back.  “You have a common name like George and you don’t even use it.”

“Oh and Paul is so… uncommon,” he snarked.

“Anyway,” I said, rolling my eyes.  “Bucky, Steve, Sam, and Bruce now all have first names for kids.  Yes, Riley’s middle name comes from Tony’s mom, but given that this baby is one he specifically asked to have, I think it’s fair that we name him Edwin unless anyone has any huge objections to that.”

“I don’t!”  Tony joked.

When no one argued with it the name Edwin moved from the maybe pile to the list under Rebecca, Sarah, and Rose.  “Alright, Eddie is gonna need a middle name,” Tony said.

“I say George,” Bucky said.  “Seeing as Elise just seriously dissed my dad’s name.”

I smothered a laugh and pushed him.  He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me back so we were both lying on the ground.  I squealed and started wrestling with him and soon the dogs and then the twins were trying to get in on the action too.  “Bucky!”  I squealed as I struggled under him.  “This isn’t how you get what you want!”

“Really?”  He asked as he started tickling me.  “I think it’s gonna work.”

“Stop it!  I’m gonna pee myself!”  I squealed.

“Daddy!  You weave mommy awone!”  Pietro said, protectively pushing Bucky to get him off me.

Bucky sat up laughing.  “Oh no, I’m sorry, peanut.  I shouldn’t be so mean to mommy should I?”

Pietro put his hands on his hips and huffed.  He looked so much like a mini Steve that it would have been easy to forget that Clint was actually his biological dad.  “Oh man,” Tony laughed.  “Cap version 2.0.”

“Thank you, Piet,” I said, pulling him into my arms and cuddling him.  “We were just playing.”

“Otay, mommy,” he said, snuggling up to me.

“Daddy Bucky wants your little brother’s name to be Edwin George Skjodbærer.  What do you think?”  I asked.

Pietro seemed to think about it for a moment and nodded his head.  “Is good.”

Steve chuckled.  “Well, I think the king has spoken.  Edwin George?”

Everyone nodded in agreement and Tony moved George next to Edwin in the list.  “That’s one more thing done,” he said.  “Now all we really need to do is stock up on baby supplies and hire the nannies.”

“There is one other thing we need to work on,” Steve said seriously and looked at me.  “We need to figure out how to get rid of El’s stress.”

I frowned and nodded.  It was definitely something I needed to work out, but I was afraid that any steps I took might just make it worse.  Whatever the case was, I need to go speak to my mother and hope that I could get some kind of closure for good.

// NEXT

[lillywaters]

Last of us 2- Yes spoilers ahead (For game 1 and 2)

The LoU2 was an emotional ride that by the end of my let’s play I wasn’t able to really give a review or my honest opinion of the game itself. It wasn’t until I let my brain air out that I was able to look at the game as a whole to really give my two cents. It was a long time coming waiting for the second game in this world and I cannot honestly state if it was the game we needed at this time especially with everything happening in the USA. The graphics where top notch once again naughty dog put effort into their games and you can see the emotions from the character, the music alone becomes a character driving home some story elements that I feel some may have missed due to the other element in this game.

Some of the Characters:

Joel:

We all have come to know and love Joel at least through the first game and while we faced the images of him losing his daughter it is the fact that he may have lost one other before his daughter. His wife- aka Sarah’s mother is MIA. The last of us made it clear that Joel is a single father trying and struggling to keep a paying job to provide for himself and Sarah. During the first game this is hinted during the phone call at the beginning with Joel stating: “I can’t lose this job”. It is hinted even more when he talks to Sarah about her gift and how she had enough money for it, followed with the statement of “You can start helping out with the mortgage then.”

When the zombies hit the fan, we can easily see that Joel and Sarah are only worried about each other (Tommy as well). Even if there was a divorce between Joel and the mother most likely Sarah would show some worries about her mother (Unless it was a woman from hell). And clearly if you played the first game you know Joel is faced with the second loss in his family Sarah. All of this pushing Joel to make himself cold and hard and willing to do anything to survive which is somewhat talked about between Tommy and him in the first game with the comment of “Took care? That’s what you call it? I got nothing but nightmares from those years.”

By the time Ellie joins Joel and the end of the game happens, we start to see Joel opening up and looking at Ellie as a daughter figure.  However, the scar of losing family stays with him as he has nightmares throughout the whole first game which is clearly related to the loss of his family (Joel may in fact be dealing with PTSD from these losses).

By the end of the game we see Joel decide to matters into his own hands and protect the family he now has created with Ellie by removing her from the operation table and killing the fireflies who tried to talk him out of it.

 Was this the right thing, while this was the driving topic for the second game I honestly believe Joel did do the right thing by saving his adopted daughter. While he did not get the ok from Ellie we need to keep in mind a few things. The first is the fact in the first game we find out they will kill Ellie to POSSIBLY find a cure. The “Doctors” of the fireflies clearly have no idea when it comes to pathology let alone human subjects. Even in the second game Abby’s father who would have ended Ellie’s life is hinted to most likely be a veterinarian not a human doctor. The second thing that we need to understand as of now even in 2020 there has never been a vaccine for fungal infections in 2013 which is when the game takes place. Tesfahuneygn & Gebreegziabher (2018) stated that the lack of knowledge about the mechanisms that underpin protective immunity has made it hard in creating a vaccine for fungal diseases (which the disease/virus in the Last of us world is fungal).  During the research paper cited above it did state at least in 2018 there is several fungal vaccines in development however it noted that each vaccine will most likely have to be tailored when it comes to the fungal side of pathology.

The second issue that we have with the game aiming to ok killing off Ellie for a vaccine is that it will not help those who already have the sickness in fact we would need a more therapeutic vaccine which is a whole other issue as of now our world is looking into therapeutic vaccines for things such as HIV, Herpes, Alzheimer’s disease and cancer.  Really what the Fireflies should have been looking into is antibodies meaning you would want to keep the host alive not dead, so all in all in my view Joel did the right thing, maybe….maybe at the very least he should have only shot the doctors in the leg but once again you had a man trying to protect his only family.

 Ellie:

We have now watch Ellie grow up between these two games and we have to understand a few things. She has killed before, she did what she had to do to survive. In the world that she grew up in there was no ethics pushed or educated to the younger generation the saying “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind” clearly was never taught. She was raised you do what you got to do to live no matter how dirty it was, and when it comes down to it revenge is ok to go for. Due to this lack of ethics, and dark world we have seen a girl who works on raw basic emotions, and a girl/woman who is unable to stop until she losses everything even what Joel gives her (the loss of her fingers) the gift of music and her own family ( Dina and her child) to finally learn how to forgive or at the very least move on.

We also get the feel of daughter like father as the death of Joel clearly has caused PTSD in Ellie herself with flash backs of everything that has happened and what she has done as well. There are some who have pointed out on the interweb that maybe Ellie in fact is NOT immune but has a different response to the fungal zombie diseases. They highlighted the fact of how quickly and easily Ellie goes into blind rage and becomes violent. We also know from the scans of her brain there is some kind of mass growth on her brain where most people start to change as a zombie.

While this is an interesting idea, I feel this would most likely take away from the emotion that is happening in the game. You have a grown woman who was starting to repair or at least take the first step to repair her relationship with her father (Joel) and give forgiveness. This was taken away from her and we see Ellie pass her anger unable to go through the process of forgiving Joel and even herself for living onto the very people who took Joel away from her. She wasn’t only punishing the killers of her father but also trying to pass her guilt and anger of being alive on them…someone had to pay- the hatred cycle wasn’t able to be eased when the chance of rebuilding her relationship with Joel was ripped away from her.

Abby:

Her physical body screams loudly about some of her own worries about her own life. She wasn’t able to control the fact her father was killed by Joel, this left her feeling powerless, and weak. However Abby in a lot of cases I still feel failed her father. While by the end of it she was able to find forgiveness for all the horrible things done (the image of her father smiling at the end) and is able to let go she could have stopped this hatred. This would have been done by not making herself into a weapon but studying and following her father in his footsteps by becoming a doctor or some part of the medical field.

In the LoU2 we are giving the idea that all the “doctors” were killed by Joel and there was no one left to make a vaccine. The funny thing is most doctors even more so as they are creating things such as vaccines would keep detailed notes about what they have found, what worked and what failed. The hospital which you are still able to visit in part two was not blown up meaning that notes would have been left behind for a new generation of researchers to pick up and finish the research (hopefully a bit smarter as well). However, instead of Abby doing this she fell into the easier thing to do which is hate and killing the man who was only protecting his daughter.  Which I can tell you right now if the roles where changed around Abby’s father would have done the same damn thing as Joel. To be honest this whole thing that there was no one left to continue the research was the biggest story hole in the game. It’s that reason alone why I could never get attached or agree with Abby and her group.

Music: In the last of us 2 the music was its own message and character. Looking at the Joel song only right now.

Future Days: This is Joel’s song to Ellie, and it has a bigger meaning then showing off his skills. Like we talked about up top we know Joel was a broken man dealing with some form of PTSD. With Ellie he was starting to heal and losing her even over the fight about him saving her easily breaks him again. He wanted to tell her that he loves her like a daughter but in a Joel way he is unable to clearly just state it out right so he sings this song hoping to reach her.

“If I ever were to lose you I’d surely lose myself” – This line can hint to Ellie why he saved her back in game one, and even hint that their hurt relationship leaves him adrift.

“Everything I have found, dear I’ve not found by myself”- This hints about their new life together and even in the town of Jackson before the fall out- they started to have a good life together the closets thing you could call a normal life.

“All my stolen missing parts. I ‘ve no need for anymore”- This can be a call back of his original family the loss of his wife and Sarah held him back in game 1 but now while he will not forget them he doesn’t need to focus on that loss.

“And I believe ‘cause I can see…Our future days, Days of you and me.” This line for Joel would be him reaching out to Ellie that even though things got messed up between them he hopes and can see that they can be a family again. He believed in the both of them in this messed up world.

“And all the promises at sundown. I’ve meant them like the rest… all the demons used to come’round…I’m grateful now they’ve left.- Joel is trying to let Ellie know no matter what he promised to keep her safe and planned on to continue to do so. We even saw that during the dance when the fight broke out even though Ellie and Joel was fighting Joel still came in trying to protect Ellie.

While maybe I will add a section more on the music later on it is something to pay attention to in the game. Over all the game had amazing graphics (Still was able to find a game breaking bug though can see that in my lets play), the story however, I had to breath for a bit to wrap my head around it. The story of part 2 was so filled with hate on all sides that it was heart breaking. It could easily make someone who played through it feel worn down and unable to see past the hatred.  Throughout the game I stated I couldn’t forgive or get attached to Abby because she just didn’t get it in a lot of ways she acted like a brat not moving on with her life.  

Ellie was dragged into that hatred and is not innocent by far, and she has the scars emotional and physically as her punishment for falling into this horrible cycle. To be honest I was hoping the game was going to be more focused on the zombies not just this vengeance death story between two broke humans. Naughty dog did get the emotion out of their players that they wanted which was the hate, you can easily see this through many other lets plays online. However, during this time period we are seeing between the pandemic and where the world is standing especially the USA it would have been nice at least at the end of it that we had some hope.

Some stated well she might have gone back with Dina, however if you pay attention Ellie did have the bracelet on as she was leaving to me this would hint she had put it in her back pack with her coat while being in the warmer weather area. And after the finally show down most likely got her backpack before returning to an empty house. Maybe their message was hey hatred is not going to get you anywhere you will end up alone which is what we saw of Ellie at the end of the game almost giving the player another punch in the gut as we see Ellie facing the one thing she scared of

      References:

Tesfahuneygn G, Gebreegziabher G (2018) Development of Vaccination against Fungal Disease: A Review Article. Int J Trop Dis 1:005. doi.org/10.23937/ijtd-2017/1710005

[ljsstories]

Chapter Twenty Six: The Premiere

"Jensen! Jensen over here!" "Jensen smile, put your arm around her! Yes, that's it!" "Hey Jensen, Jensen!" It felt like being pulled apart by a pack of wild animals. Flashes in his eyes and people yelling his name, telling him to stand this way and pose that way. His co-star was eating it up with a spoon, her hand started at his waist but made its way to his left butt cheek. She looked up and winked at him flashing those pearly white teeth while squeezing him aggressively through the fabric of his Armani suit.

"Chloe! Chloe, look over here sweetheart! You're so pretty! Give us a smile!" Yes, Chloe Cornell was loving the attention in her skin-tight blue dress that left very little to the imagination, it barely covered her ass. She wasn't wearing a bra, her boobs were fake anyway, so she didn't have to worry about them sagging. Jensen felt bitter towards her, after everything, after burying the hatchet and becoming good friends, it all went up in smoke the minute they hit the red carpet. She was up to her old tricks again as soon as the cameras were pointed in their direction, stoking the fire for the tabloids. Jensen looked over at his mentor, the writer and director of this movie, Landon looked green, he was sweating, and he looked utterly uncomfortable as his lovely wife Sarah held his hand and whispered something in his ear. Suddenly a smile spread across his face, and he was giving the paparazzi the thumbs up. His hair fell neatly and effortlessly down his back and his beard was trimmed to perfection. Those blue eyes glinted in the glare of the camera flashes as Sarah squeezed his hand and smiled up at him as if he was a God. Jensen envied them so much, he had a leech attached to him, a blood sucking parasite who didn't care how uneasy she made him feel with her antics. "FYI, I'm not wearing any panties!" She had whispered as her hand brushed against his abdomen, dangerously close to a place he didn't want her to touch. What a stark contrast to Sarah Ellis Chloe was, only out for herself while Sarah stood by her man and held him together when all he wanted at that very moment was to fall apart. Jensen wondered what that was like, to have someone by your side supporting you, telling you everything was going to be alright. Jensen wanted Jane, right then that was all he wanted, to have her by his side telling him everything was going to be alright. But she wasn't there, it had been two months since the show at Rugby Park, two whole months Jensen had stewed in his own juices because Jane had abandoned him. He had tried to contact her several times during those two months, but she never answered him, be it text or phone call or private message, she never got back to him. He was so mad at Eliza that he refused to go through her to get a reply from Jane, he knew that all of this was his fault, that he should have been straight with her from the beginning, but all he ever wanted was to see her shine. He looked over at Landon, he was smiling and nodding towards the paparazzi, he was talking to reporters about his masterpiece as Sarah remained by his side looking proud of her husband. Chloe squeezed Jensen again, knowing he could do nothing without making a scene in front of the cameras, that bitch, some friend she turned out to be. It was all over the papers again, Jensen and Chloe, were they or weren't they. He really didn't want that to take the shine from Landon's movie, which was smashing box office records. There was talk of Oscar nominations in the best actor and director categories, the early reviews were mostly positive. Of course, there were always the odd ones that were personally negative because that particular critic hated the actor or director involved and refused to praise anything they did out of sheer principle. You would never get their approval, so there was no point in trying, or letting it get to you. Jensen and Landon had the same hater in movie critic Davis Underwood. He just couldn't say anything nice about either of them, he disliked what they represented, he hated pretty boys. Davis wasn't particularly good looking, he was short with a receding hair line, he had a major chip on his shoulder, a failed actor turned critic at thirty-five years of age. He just despised actors like Jensen and Landon, who had looks as well as natural talent. He had slated Landon's movie, but it hadn't damaged its popularity in any way, it was just a bitter little man spewing bile. Jensen had to do the whole promotion thing with journalists from magazines and television shows coming in and out constantly, most of the time he was sitting next to Landon so that the interviewers could marvel in their similarities. When Jensen was asked to sit with Chloe, he refused, requesting that Victoria Harper sit in with him instead. She had played Sarah at the end of the film, she was married and had a little boy, she never made Jensen feel uncomfortable and they got along really well during filming. Jensen felt that she wasn't getting enough publicity, after all she had played the lead character's soulmate, she was an integral part of the plot. Landon agreed and made sure that Victoria was given as much attention as Chloe. Not having to pretend to like Chloe Cornell lifted a huge weight from Jensen's shoulders, he didn't have to worry about where Victoria's hands were, they were always by her side. She had a mutual respect for him too, always understanding that deep down Jensen was actually quite shy, he didn't like women lunging at him and touching him inappropriately. One day during takes he had told Victoria how he had to deal with that for most of his music career, he felt he could talk to her, she reminded him of his sister. He also confided in her about Jane, how much he missed her and worried about her, how all he wanted was to hop on a plane and tell her exactly how he felt even though his therapist had told him that was the last thing he should be doing. Sitting in this room next to Victoria, answering another reporter's questions, Jensen felt like he was in autopilot, just going through the motions, he'd answered every question dozens of times, it was like doing take after take on a movie set, repeating the same lines over and over again. He decided to stay with his mother for a little while, living alone wasn't the same anymore. He craved company to silence his loud mind, the voice in his head telling him he was never going to get over Jane, that he was forever doomed to pine for her until he was old and grey and alone, lying on his deathbed lamenting how it could have been if only she'd given him a chance. If only he'd looked up from his phone that night and spoke to her, treated her like a human being, maybe they would have fallen in love and lived happily ever after. She would never have chained him up, he would never have made her life hell, they would just love each other. It could be so easy, why was it so hard? He could blame Eliza all he wanted, but deep down he knew that he should never have meddled in Jane's life, even though his meddling had resulted in something good, something that made Jane's life better. No matter how much he tried to justify it his mother was always there to tell him what a dick he was. His sister said nothing, she was being sugary sweet for favours, Jensen was an awesome uncle and babysitter, she was keeping him onside. Jonah took Eliza's side obviously, he was constantly messaging and phoning her even though they were just friends, Eliza had done nothing wrong, and it was all Jensen's fault. Jonah was right though, that was the part that Jensen couldn't handle, that his dopey little brother was right! Everything that had happened was all on Jensen, he pushed Jane so many times when she'd told him to leave her alone. But there were also times when he was useful, he had been there for her when she needed someone, when her mother was sick Jensen turned his plane around just to be with her. He was always there, she just had to snap her fingers and he would come running, even now, always! If she called right now and said she needed him he would be straight on a plane to Scotland, he would still do anything for her! Even after she completely broke his heart by leaving the concert he had booked, yes it had been his idea and he ran it by Jonah who agreed to do it, just so that she would be there, just round the corner from her house, he would come running and let her destroy him in the process. It wasn't healthy, and he had an appointment with Doctor Jenna to discuss this...again! All they ever talked about was Jane, how he had to resist the urge to hound her, which was so hard. Doctor Jenna was adamant that he try to live his life as normally as possible without Jane, that was a lot to ask of him but he was going to try. During that session at Jenna's office, they discussed his father's terminal illness, something that Jensen was still very numb about. He still couldn't understand why it was affecting him so much. Jenna tried to explain that despite their estrangement, Martin was still his dad, his flesh and blood, and if it didn't affect him then there would be something seriously wrong. "Jensen you're allowed to care about your dad! It's not a crime!" "I know I..." Jensen trailed off and looked out the window. It felt different being in her office in downtown L.A. as opposed to the rehab clinic. They'd been meeting here ever since the movie wrapped and he'd promised Landon he'd keep seeing her. "Is there something else bothering you?" "It's just..." He sighed, closed his eyes and tried to find the right words, "...how do I get my brother and sister to see him? He's dying for Christ's sake!" "People deal with these things in different ways, your siblings are maybe less attached because it was you who heard it straight from your dad. Second hand news, it's maybe not real for them yet. There's nothing you can do to make them visit your dad, all you can do is suggest, the rest is up to them." She was right, Jensen had tried everything to get Jonah and Juliet to meet with Martin, Juliet's excuse was Maddie and Jonah simply didn't want to, as clear cut as that. Jensen had seen his dad a lot, he was even bonding with Lucy as well as Ava, his two lovely little half-sisters. Jensen left his latest therapy session feeling drained as always, but content...as always. It wouldn't last though; it rarely ever did. Turning the key in his mother's front door he could hear Jonah whining away inside. Great, that was all he needed, "All I'm sayin' is where is the harm? We're taking a break from the tour; I could just suggest to Eliza that Hawaii is nice this time of year!" "Hawaii is nice every time of year Jonah honey, just leave the girl alone for a while, huh?" "Mom, I am going out of my fucking mind! I can't do this!" Jensen stood in the doorway of the living room watching his mother comfort baby Jonah once again. He understood exactly how he felt, but he wasn't going to buy into his crazy scheme of sweeping Eliza off her feet. She'd applied for a job as a make-up artist on some Scottish soap set in Glasgow, she had no intentions of jetting off right now. Jonah really was bad at reading situations, a curse he had all through his teenage years and beyond. Jensen cleared his throat and stood up straight. "Hey! What's going on?" "You can butt out ass face!" Jonah moaned, yeah that was mature! Jensen was quite happy that they were taking a break from touring because Jonah had become a right royal pain in the backside since the show in Kilmarnock, after he'd seen Eliza. He pined and whined, and the other guys were just about ready to beat his ass, also Ian was on his last nerve with him too, if he got a hold of him he was going to be mincemeat. "Well, I was just trying to be brotherly and lend you an ear but if you're going to resort to name calling then..." "No, wait!" Jonah called to him as he was about to leave. "Jensen, sweetheart your brother is just...going through a rough patch!" What a fucking laugh, Jensen thought as he watched their mother stroke Jonah's hair like he was still in pre-school. Why did he have to act like such a big baby? Jensen had to suck it up, it was time for Jonah to do the same! He bit his tongue and joined them on the couch, ready to listen to his stupid little brother cry and wail over Jane's sister...again!

***

Jane saw photos online of the premiere of Landon Ellis' big movie, Jensen was there with his girlfriend looking rather uncomfortable, maybe he'd gotten bored of her already. Why did she care? After his betrayal! She didn't...only she did! He did look handsome; the beard was gone, and his hair was its usual length at his shoulders. It was nice to see his beautiful face, blushing as she was thinking this Jane looked over at an unsuspecting Eliza who was shovelling spoonfuls of Coco Pops in her mouth and focusing on the television. "Hey, look Janey, it's your boyfriend!" She let out a sarcastic laugh as Corey Tyler's shit eating grin took up most of the screen. He was being interviewed on Good Morning UK about his role in the new Dracula reboot on HBO. Apparently it was rather saucy, well it would be on that channel, lots of swearing and nudity, something the Americans frowned upon most of the time. "Please don't call him that!" Jane pinched the bridge of her nose, seeing that big blond idiot stressed her out. His latest offering was a weird looking necklace shaped like an egg which had lots of little jewels all over it, it opened up to show a four-leaf clover inside. Eliza had screamed in her ear when she saw it, almost perforating Jane's ear drum. "OMG that's..." The words had choked her as she just stood and stared at the necklace, mouth gaping open. "It's hideous!" Jane had said with more than a hint of disgust in her tone, "What's with the clover? Does he still not know the difference between Scottish and Irish?" Eliza's flabbergasted face left the egg for a moment as she stared at her sister in disbelief. "Janey, have you any idea how much this hideous thing is worth? Do you even know what it is?" "No, don't care either!" Jane shook her head and slammed the box shut so she couldn't look at the offending article a moment longer. "Janey it's a Fabergé egg! This one is worth almost £10,000! You could sell this and pay off dad's mortgage and still have a chunk of change left!" The sisters stared at one another for a few minutes as Jane processed what Eliza had told her. If she was right and it was worth that much, selling it would be the best option, even though her morality was telling her to return it to sender. Jensen would tell her to sell it, why was she thinking of Jensen? Because she was always thinking of Jensen, even after everything, after she found out he had orchestrated her deal with Gemma Lacey, after she'd found out that his stalking had branched out into meddling in her everyday life! Looking at Corey waffling on now, she knew in her heart that no one would ever live up to Jensen Alexander Reed, even after Jane found out what he'd done, was it really so bad? It wasn't like he'd sabotaged her business, quite the opposite in fact! Why was she so angry? Why did she feel like she could never forgive him? As her sister and best friend kept telling her, he was only trying to help her out, so what was his crime? Jane had no answer to that, all she knew was that it hurt, Jensen had hurt her, and she didn't know how to get past it. Deep down she knew it was because he'd asked a favour of an ex-girlfriend, she knew it was because her mind kept going over what their conversation must have been like. Did he flirt with her? Did he sleep with her one more time in exchange for this little favour he wanted? Stupid things to think, but Jane was thinking them anyway, when it came to Jensen her jealousy was over the top. Looking down at Eliza's iPad, seeing Chloe Cornell leaning into him and staring up at him with her pearly white smile, Jane was insanely jealous still. She hated that feeling, jealousy was such an ugly emotion, it caused all sorts of problems and ruined so many lives. People went to war over jealousy, people killed over it, they did unspeakable things over it. Jane just sat and stewed, that was her way of overcoming this horrible feeling that she got any time Jensen's face appeared or when his name was mentioned, or when she heard his voice on the radio. Hatred had transformed into the green-eyed monster, and that was far worse! The forgetting spell that Louise had mentioned a long time ago was looking really good right about now, she didn't hate Jensen, she wished that she did, no how she felt at that precise moment could destroy hatred, it could destroy planets! That was why she needed to completely forget Jensen Reed before anyone got hurt, because someone would!

***

Jensen had decided to recruit his mother to try and convince his siblings to visit their father. He knew that Martin hadn't stayed away out of choice, he knew that Steph had made it difficult for him to be in his children's lives. Steph looked sheepish when Jensen sat her down that afternoon, she knew what he wanted to talk about, "I know you must hate me, for what I did..." She looked him in the eye, a wary expression on her face, unsure of how to proceed, "...but I still love your father! I never stopped!" Steph broke down before she finished the sentence, her voice broke on the last word as Jensen took her in his arms and held her. "It's okay mom, I understand!" He did in a way, not being able to stop loving someone who had wronged you was his speciality these days. "No, you should hate me!" Stephanie sobbed into her son's shoulder, "You should yell, throw things! I deprived you of having a relationship with your father! I'm the reason for everything!" Her heart was breaking just talking about it, Jensen knew how sorry she was, he knew that it must have been so hard to resist punishing the love of her life for leaving her. Would he have done the same to Jane? No way, but maybe he was more like his dad, he kept quiet even though it was killing him. "You're such a sweet boy Jensen, I have no idea where you get that from! Even your brother and sister have my mean streak, my inability to forgive! But you, beautiful boy, you're unique!" "I'm not, I..." "Listen to me!" She pulled from his grip and stared into his eyes, "Don't ever lose that, don't let life take that away from you! It's okay to feel, to love and to accept that you can't change things, don't ever get bitter!" Too late, Jensen thought, he was already bitterly resenting Jane for standing him up, it had never really gone away since that night. It still hurt to think about it, how his attempt to help her had been thrown in his face like it was something sordid and unsavoury. All he did was put in a good word about her to a friend, all he did was help. "Mom, I don't know if I can ever..." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying not to cry, "...she hurt me mom, and this time I don't know if I can get past it! This one is a biggie!" And then the tears came, he hadn't realised just how much it had affected him until he couldn't control his emotions. "Oh my baby!" Now it was Steph holding him in her arms, "I think it's time honey, time you let her go, hmm?" She was right, with his dad being sick and Landon talking about a new major project, River Monster's tour resuming soon, he needed to move on. "I need you to do something for me mom!" Steph rubbed his back and sighed. "Anything baby, just ask!" "I need you to talk Jules and Jonah into meeting dad, you and I both know that if they don't, they'll regret it. Tell them what you told me, please?" "They'll hate me, they're not like you sweet boy!" "Please mom, I don't want them to miss out on having closure with dad, they need this, and you know that! Just tell them?" Stephanie agreed to help her son, even if it meant losing her other son and daughter in the process. Jensen knew it would never come to that; they would forgive eventually. "You know, it's not a curse!" Jensen gave his mother a confused look, "Being an empath, feeling things more deeply than your brother or sister! Marty was like that when we first met, he liked me a lot so when I fell pregnant with Juliet, he did what he thought was the right thing...and he proposed!" Tears glistened her cheeks as she talked about her marriage with his father, "He loved her the moment he laid eyes on her and he stayed for her, he tried to love me. He wanted to love me, I could see it in his eyes, he tried so hard! In the end it was useless, you can't make yourself love someone. Jensen, you can't make Jane love you the way you love her, you need to let go now kiddo!" That pain came back, the moment she told him to let go, the pain came back, and it hurt more now than it ever did before, "Marty thought having another child would fix things, after three years of trying to make our marriage work you were born, a son, maybe now things would fall into place...but it didn't! Then our happy little accident, Jonah, he wasn't planned but don't you dare tell him that, he'll take it the wrong way and you know he will!" She pointed a shaky finger at him, "You were all wanted and loved, even Jonah, he may have been unplanned, but he was loved, and your dad and I wanted him so very much the moment we held him in our arms. You folded yours and huffed, and that's when this epic battle between you and your brother began, a one-year-old boy puffing his chest out and refusing to accept his new sibling!" Now she was laughing softly, remembering Jensen's defiance over a new baby in the family. "Yes, you my sweet boy, you started it, not Jonah! I remember when he had just started talking, he would stumble around following you everywhere shouting your name and telling you he loved you, love you big brother, love you Jensy! You had no time for him, Juliet would comfort him and tell him that you did love him back in your own way. I think you did; you were just always too scared of getting rejected, of getting hurt. Now you let that girl break you down into little pieces, stamp on your heart every chance she gets, and you give her chance after chance. It's time you put yourself first honey, let go!" "I don't know how..." "Sweetheart, you've tried, nobody can ever say that you haven't! How many times are you going to go through this? How many times are you going to let her destroy you?" "I know, I know you're right I just can't...I still love her mom! I'll always love her!" "And that's okay baby boy, you're allowed to love someone, it doesn't mean that you can't let them go! I love your father Jensen, it's not just your brother and sister who need closure, I do too! I need to see him and make peace. I can still love him and let him go at the same time. Do you understand honey?" He did, that didn't mean he liked it, he knew it made sense. He was going to ask Doctor Jenna to help him move on at his next appointment. His mother was right, it was time. He fully planned to work towards leaving Jane behind, but as the weeks went by his dad took up most of his time and if he was honest, he didn't really think about Jane that much. The only time she crossed his mind was when he thought about what she had gone through with her mother, how their situations were very similar. While taking a break between the European and American legs of the tour, Jensen was round at his dad's, getting to know his sisters and spending time with the whole family. Steph had talked to Jonah and Juliet, confessing her darkest secret that she was the reason that Martin had stayed away all those years, after that revelation Jonah said he would think about meeting their dad and Juliet was still keeping very quiet. As the oldest she remembered more about Martin leaving and how their mother coped during the early months of their divorce. It was bound to be harder for her, Jensen knew it was hard for him, even after all these years, even though he was a grown man now...it still hurt that a parent could walk out on their children and never look back. Despite now knowing that that wasn't the whole truth, he bore the scars of a broken marriage and a bitter mother. As he sat listening to his stepmother offload, she seemed to feel comfortable enough around Jensen to do that, he felt sorry for her. He could see how much she loved his dad, how much this was tearing her apart, but she had to be strong for her daughters, "And they mentioned a hospice, but I just don't want...I mean that's a little while away right now but..." "Arlene, whatever he needs, I'm here!" Arlene curled her hand over Jensen's the way his own mother did and gave him a grateful smile. "I know, you've been so generous already I feel awful asking for anything!" "He's my dad, we might not be as close as we should be but we're still family! I'll do anything that needs to be done, please always remember that!" Jensen didn't like hearing about the hospice, as Arlene continued to talk, the phrase end of life care made his blood run cold. This must have been how Jane felt, she'd gone through this with her mother, how did she cope with all this pain? All this shock and devastation! Jensen was barely holding it together. Yes, his mind would drift back to her when things got hard, when he struggled to cope with his dad dying, Jane was the first person that popped into his head. "Well, we have time to think about things, right now all we can do is give him plenty of rest and most importantly, try not to stress him out. He's still hurting over your brother and sister refusing to see him, but I know you tried your best, he appreciates having you here!" Most of the time Martin was asleep, he slept a lot, but there were moments when Jensen got to talk to him, tell him things about his life and the work projects he had lined up. He liked to hear about the tour, and Jensen filled him in on what Jonah was up to, how big Maddie was getting and how cute she was even showing him photos he had on his phone...and he had hundreds! "She has the Hale eyes, that's for sure! That's what made me fall in love with your mother, her big blue eyes! I close my eyes and I see little Stephanie Hale sitting on the bleachers shouting my name! I hated football, but I needed it for my college applications, she made it all worth it in her cheerleader outfit!" A wistful smile crept upon Martin's face as he reminisced, telling Jensen things that he didn't know about his parents. So his mother was a cheerleader? She kept that one quiet! Looking at his father, smiling away to himself, eyes closed, looking peaceful, it was hard not to focus on how thin he was. It was hard not to see how yellow his skin was. Martin was practically bed ridden; he rarely went out other than to the hospital for appointments. The doctors had said that he was doing well considering how progressive the tumour had become, Arlene believed he was waiting to see Jonah and Juliet, only then would he be content. Jensen had tried, Steph had tried, it was now up to them to decide. "You are so like your mother!" Martin mumbled, squeezing Jensen's shoulder as he sat up in bed, his pyjamas drowning his slight frame. He had said that when they met up all those months ago, "I'm so proud of my Jensen, my sweet little boy who used to nurse baby birds back to health..." Jensen had totally forgotten about that, he was four and there was a baby swallow lying on the ground in their back yard, barely breathing. He had brought it inside cupping the tiny bird in his hands calling to his daddy, he got to stay up late that night to feed it with a dropper, "You remember?" Martin whispered, seeing Jensen's confused look. "I do actually!" He smiled back at his father, the bird made a full recovery a few days later and they released it into the garden back to its mother. "If I could, I'd go back in time and I would go to the recitals, I would go to the parents' evenings...I would risk it all! I would stand up to her, I'd..." He trailed off and looked out of the window with a pained expression, "I should have been there!" "Dad..." "No, Juliet and Jonah have every right to hate me, I let my children down! But like I said, it's something that I'll take to my grave, my guilt and my shame!" A tear rolled down his pale cheek as Jensen forced himself to hold it together. "Dad, I forgive you!" There was a long silence, Martin continued to stare out the window as Jensen took hold of his hand, "I forgive you...and I love you!" Martin turned and looked at his son with amazement. "I love you too son!" Another long silence, then he mumbled with a small giggle, "My boy's a movie star!" They talked for a little while longer until Martin felt tired and Jensen left him to have a nap. Ava was waiting for him in the living room, she always wanted to chat with him before he left, he seemed to get along with her more than he did Lucy. "So, you going back on tour soon?" It was strange to talk to someone who was a blood relative and also an adoring fan, very surreal. "Um, I dunno! With dad I..." Jensen stopped and looked into Ava's green eyes, the same colour as their dad's, the way she gazed up at him as if he was more than her brother, like an idol, it made him feel slightly uneasy. "Mom doesn't want him going into a hospice, she's scared he dies without any of us there, like in the middle of the night or something?" She scanned Jensen's face as he felt it burn, "Anyway, I think she'd feel better if she could keep him at home but it's going to be a lot of work, you know nurses and carers and everything?" Jensen simply nodded, he didn't know what to say, he didn't know what was best. He had no right to come barging into their family unit and giving his opinion, so he stayed quiet, and listened. "Well I told your mom and I'll tell you, whatever he needs I'll get it for him! Okay?" He rubbed his sister's arm affectionately as a wave of relief washed over her face. "You're still going to be around..." Her eyes locked onto his, "...after..." "Yeah, of course! We're family, right?" Jensen didn't know what would happen once his father was gone, but he liked to think he could stay in touch with his sisters now that they knew each other. He said his goodbyes to everyone, getting a grunt and a nod from Lucy as per usual, and he headed home to his own place. He was giving it a go for a while, he was a thirty-four-year-old grown ass man, he needed to try and live like one.

***

Jane was a little more than annoyed when she had to find out from Eliza about Jensen's father Martin being terminally ill. It was just in passing as well, because Jonah wasn't all that bothered about it according to her. She could see from her sister's expression that she was slightly shocked over Jonah's attitude, having lost their mother in a similar manner neither of the sisters could comprehend it. Jane desperately wanted to reach out to Jensen, it took her an entire day to compose a text message and send it to his personal mobile phone. It was short and to the point;

*Sorry to hear about your dad, I understand what you're going through so if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you, love Jane x*

She never got a reply, she waited a few days and there was still nothing. She couldn't talk to anyone about it, she was beginning to realise that her reaction a few months ago was over the top, he had only ever tried to help her. All Jane could do now was wait, and hope that he would answer her and take her up on her offer of talking. He never did, it had been a few weeks, still not a word from Jensen! Her own hurt feelings would have to take a back seat as her best friend Louise was dealt a rather unexpected blow in their latest class. Mike Pearson, the dishy Canadian who she had a crush on, was sitting at the table in front of them swinging on his chair like a clown. As the tutor droned on, jotting nonsense on the white board, Mike swung as far back as he could so that he was close to Louise behind him and whispered, "I'm heading back to Canada next week." Louise simply blinked at him as he almost fell arse over tit on his chair but managed to steady himself in time, total fool! He looked at Louise for a long time, waiting for her to say something as she continued to press her pen aggressively down onto her notebook making a rather unsightly splodge on the paper, she was doing it so hard that she'd pushed through several sheets, the dent highly visible. Her lips were pursed, and her cheeks were flushed as her blonde hair fell forward hiding most of her bashfulness. Both Jane and Mike looked expectantly at her, eventually she looked up at him and spoke, one simple word. "And?" Mike jerked his head back as if she smacked his face and his eyes widened. "Okay then!" He nodded and twisted forward in his chair, the four legs finally firmly on the ground. Jane gave Louise a bewildered look as she cleared her throat and continued her assault on her notebook. At the end of the class, Jane tutted and shoved Louise roughly as they left the room, Mike was slowly packing up his things into his plain green backpack looking forlorn and Jane started on her best friend. "What the fuck was that?" "What?" Louise huffed, pointing her nose in the air indignantly. "He wanted you to ask him out, you do know that right? Or he was waiting for you to show some sort of disappointment that he was going back home!" "Pfft, yeah right!" Louise replied shrilly, then after a short silence she grabbed Jane's arm, spinning her round to face her, "Oh fuck, do you think so?" "Yes, he was waiting for you to say, oh no that's awful news, or something! He wanted you to show that you give a shit! Lou you're an idiot!" "Well, it takes one to know one!" She snapped back, "Sorry, but you're exactly the same with a certain pretty boy who sings like an angel and is so good in films that he wins awards! So don't you start with me girl!" She stomped off ahead of her as Mike caught up and brushed past looking sorry for himself. "Hi, Mike?" He spun around, his backpack swinging in the breeze almost hitting another man who was passing him. "Yeah!" Looking at Jane with that rabbit in the headlights look he had in most of the classes. "Before you head back home, maybe a group of us could go out for a farewell drink or something to eat? Maybe?" She was aware that she'd said maybe already but it didn't seem to matter to him, he grinned, fiddling with that green lightsaber keyring of his as it flashed on and off. "Ya, cool, that sounds awesome! Totally!" Jane found Louise sitting in her car, white knuckles clutching the steering wheel. "I've just arranged a date for you under the illusion that there's going to be a whole gang of us, so don't fuck it up!" Louise turned to Jane with her mouth gaping wide open. "YOU WHAT???" She yelled, "For fuck's sake Janey, I can't...why?" "Thank me later, will you drive me home please?" Louise shook her head in disbelief as she turned the key in the ignition and muttered a few profanities under her breath. "I'll pay you back for this, some day I'll get you back you wee bitch!" "You're welcome!" Jane smiled, looking straight ahead for fear that Louise's stare would kill her stone dead. Someone had to do something, so Jane did, if Louise wanted to kill her then she could at least wait until after her wedding to Mike so that she could have Jane as her Maid of honour!

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[davidcarner]

Sarah vs The Life Unexpected: The Letters Ch 1, Prologue

A/N: Have you ever just gotten PM about a story and a simple question asked, and your brain won't let the idea go? I thought I was done with the Sarah vs The Life Unexpected Series completely. I see this world in 3 (possibly 4) books. Sarah vs is book 1. Molly vs The life She Expected takes place after her brother is born until Molly gets to the dating age. Chuck vs The Life Unexpected is Molly from dating age on, but I started thinking at some point I might do Chuck and Sarah vs The Life Unexpected which would be Molly post high school years. I say all of that to say this…I had a plan for those letters from Christmas Time is Here. I had forgotten about them, and then Vurich23 asked me about them. And hey, I'm totally good with going back, because of everything I've done, this remains my favorite. These two crazy kids falling in love at super speed, getting married and having a family. I put a poll up on the Facebook fanfic page…that was overwhelming! So yeah, it's back. How long? No idea. This will be a series of one shots (maybe two if the story takes a bit) about each letter. I have no idea when the ideas will hit me, but then again, I have no idea when any Molly story will hit me. So welcome back, to the world where the dieabetes is running wild from all the fluff (for the record I do know I'm spelling diabetes wrong, it's just that's how I picture Molly saying it) Welcome, to Sarah vs The Life Unexpected: The Letters

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck…or Molly…really….I don't

Hi, I'm Sarah! Here are a few things you might need to know, or maybe you just forgot. Five years ago, I saved a baby from an off books CIA plot by a rogue agent and brought her to California. I asked my mom, Emma to raise the baby, but she refused and told me this was my chance to end my time with the CIA. For the next four years, mom and I raised Emma while I ran my security company, Burton Industries. Back in April, I met a guy…let's be real, Molly and my Mom set me up…and I'm so glad they did. He is the kindest, nicest, and most wonder man I had even met. His name is Chuck Bartowski and I fell in love faster than I knew was possible. We married in less than a month, and I've never been happier. We both adopted the other's child…Clara is really his niece. Her parents died in an accident. During Christmas I found a letter from Chuck's sister, Ellie. It read as follows:

To the person who captured my brother's heart,

If you're reading this, something happened, something I hoped never would, but I had to be prepared for. For the past nine years I have written a new letter and put in this Christmas box in case something ever happened to me. I don't know how much my brother has told you, but he has never really gotten over what happened to him at Stanford. His then girlfriend cheated on him, and his best friend turned this back on him and got him thrown out of school. Both of our parents left us, and I have been the only constant in Chuck's life. If you're reading this, then that means I'm not in his life anymore, and I'm sorry.

I have no idea how close you are, but if you're reading this, that means he trusted you enough to get into the Christmas ornaments. That's huge if you're wondering. Christmas was our holiday. There are other letters for you, in my closet, in my lockbox. I know, I seem like I'm interfering in his life from beyond the grave, but you have to understand, to some extent I've been that boy's mother, and I've watched him struggle for so long. If you get this, then I am truly worried, because that means not only is he trying to find his place, but he's raising Clara and he's worried that he's not doing right by her.

Okay, enough, I'm crying just writing this. Here's what you have to do, and I'm not sure how. Chuck has to enjoy life again, and Christmas. IF you love him, and I think you do, or you wouldn't be reading this, then know you can't go far enough to remind him of the good of Christmas. Your mission, Chuck's SO, is to make Chuck smile about Christmas again. Attached is the list of everything we used to do and how we decorated the house. Feel free to use it or toss it. You're choice. If you chose not to accept the mission, do me a favor, put this back where you found it, because you're not the one, and we both know it. Sorry if that's harsh, but I'm dead, so I don't have to worry about being called snarky.

Since you're still reading, you love him, and I am so thankful for you. I hope you're a part of Clara's life, and for the love of God, if she wants to call him Daddy and you Mommy, tell him I'm fine with it. He can be so stubborn about things sometimes. I am so thankful for you, and I'm truly sorry we never got to meet. I bet we would have been the best of friends. Thank you. Know that he loves you, and so do I. Take care of my family, I can never thank you enough. I love you.

Eleanor Faye Bartowski Woodcomb

I haven't yet tried to find the other letters, but I should, for Chuck's sake….who am I kidding, I was a spy and that kind of thing never really goes away. I need to find these letters, who knows what else Ellie might say to help me. Okay, that's not the real reason. Ellie knew her brother enough that she knew if something happened to her, given all he had been through, he would have more problems than most. So she took the time to figure out who would help him. It's almost like she knows me. I want to get to know my sister-in-law. So that's what I'm going to do.

A/N: Here's what I know so far, Valentine's Day, "Mother's Day", and "Game night". That's all I have so far, but if you have an idea, send it my way. Take care, see you soon, reviews are always appreciated, and thanks for coming back…I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'm glad I am.

DC