#termination bliss

[clemsfilmdiary]

Late Night with the Devil (2023, Cameron Cairnes, Colin Cairnes)

4/27/24

[butchviking]

WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO DOWNLOAD AN ALBUM THESE DAYS IM GOING TO KMS

[wetslug]

my roommate is trying to keep the house by having a random middle aged man take over the lease and he keeps texting me 'this is complicated i dont understand' and now i have to meet him tomorrow to explain how leases work . explain why this is my problem

[tact-and-impulse]

4000th post

Continuing the milestone tradition of recommendations!

The Mitarais’ House is on Fire: Thirteen years after her mother takes the blame for their house burning down, Anzu disguises herself as a housekeeper and infiltrates the home of her father’s new wife, a family friend who she believes is responsible for the arson. In her own words, “We had a great deal taken by this woman. I’m taking it back. I’m taking everything back.” But she quickly realizes that as she delves deeper, there are more secrets waiting. And as closely as she watches her target, she’s closely watched in return... This story is absolutely crackling. I love the revenge drama, the smart twists, and the depiction of public vs private life. And I froth at the mouth for a particular dynamic. Now licensed in English and NETFLIX SHOW COMING SOON

Kieli: I read the manga years ago and the light novels have been on my backlog for a while, but I’m glad I finally got around to it. The title is the name of the heroine, a lonely and blasphemous teenager who can see ghosts. Following an encounter with an Undying, an immortalized young man who fought in a bloody war 80 years prior, and his antique radio possessed by one of his victims, they travel the world. For better or worse, considering Undying are being hunted down for their regenerative cores and there are rumors of new experiments. The ending is bittersweet and I choose to read it as a hopeful one; the whole series is certainly memorable and very underrated.

The Jinx’s Lover: I read this one a long time ago and considered recommending it in its early days but I caught up on it again and it’s so good. As a young girl, clairvoyant Seulbi runs from the abusive hold of a wealthy conglomerate for a day and into the arms of kind but poor Sugwang, who soon finds himself shockingly lucky. When the company retrieves her, that luck turns into misfortune for 7 years...until he meets her again in her second escape attempt. It’s pretty funny, and I think it’s good for Kdrama fans!

The Alchemist Who Survived Now Dreams of a Quiet City Life: A light novel series, now completely translated in English! Mariela is the titular alchemist who placed herself in suspended animation during a disaster, only to awaken...200 years later. Unlike in the past, alchemists are extremely rare and in high demand due to the dangers of the nearby Labyrinth, a monster-infested structure that’s proving to be the worst in history. The male lead is a slave she rescues, a former adventurer humbled by the loss of his supernatural eye and is now devoted to her. He saves the labels from wine bottles they drink together, that’s real love!!!

My Blissful Marriage: A light novel as well as a manga about an arranged marriage in a low fantasy Meiji era setting. Miyo is the daughter of a clan with supernatural powers, but when discovered to be utterly mundane, she’s treated no better than a slave by her family. Cue her engagement to an ill-tempered officer rumored to drive away any woman in his presence. Of course, as the days unfold and they learn more about each other, they grow closer. Now licensed in English!

Kimi no Koe: A fairly new Taisho era manga. A young entrepreneur with a telepathic ability uses his skills to work his way up society, including a marriage to an affluent family’s daughter...only to find out that he can’t discern her thoughts at all. And she’s mute. It’s primarily from the guy’s perspective, and he’s kind of a bastard, but a loveable one.

Tsuka no Ma no Ichika: A college student in remission from an unnamed disease reunites with her favorite professor, who’s now terminally ill. A love story, in spite of their impending mortality. It’s nothing but pain. I do wish they would’ve progressed a little further, but it’s a poignant and earnest work about making the most of time you have left.

Sesame Salt and Pudding: Trying to get out of being summoned home, a drunken 22-year-old machinery operator marries one of the older customers in her favorite bar. I mean...it’s a dumb decision, but the heroine is the charming kind of dumb, so she’s actually not as annoying as a lot of characters I’ve seen. The male lead is mellow and sardonic and highkey a dirty old man, but at least, that part of him is honest! They’re cute together, the translation is excellent, and I got hooked.

Marriage of Convenience: This is how you pull off a reincarnation manhwa. A heroine who doesn’t immediately flip personalities and has realistic character development, while still retaining her core traits. A male lead who recognizes his own inadequacies, while still being a badass and an utter simp. The marriage in question starts off with a power imbalance, and the progression to a union of equals is just delicious. The side characters are also very loveable, with funny expressions in the background, and overall, it’s a great binge read.

I’m a Terminal Cancer Patient But I’m Fine: In my line of work, I think it’s good to get perspective. This is a humorous yet honest memoir, written by a mangaka who was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer. The explanations are thorough and accurate, interjected with advice and of course, to listen to the medical professionals. The author is also a survivor of childhood physical abuse, so I really admire her resilience and I’m glad she has a good support system, especially from her husband. Although...can some of the hot doctors make it over here...asking for a friend...

[cryptdoor]

Had the most surreal thought of "wow how nice of him i love butches" when I watched a (assumedly) cis man put away grocery carts when he was leaving the store

[fun-sized-owl]

I broke the tags... this was only a portion LOL

[a-b-riddle]

Runaway Love (kidnapper Price x captive reader)

cw: established kidnapping, violence, intimidation, unplanned pregnancy, miscommunicated threat of forced abortion, eventual Stockholm syndrome, housewife kink. Reader just accepts her situation at this point. Dub-con, non-con.

You couldn't think of anything except the pain that radiated with each step toward your room. You were lucky your work and home were the same place. It was incomprehensible, downright unbelievable how some of the other maids worked their shift and then either walked home or walked to the bus stop.

Granted, most of them weren't pregnant and had shoes that actually fit, but you didn't like to complain. You were lucky to have the job, even if it was back breaking. You had a roof over your head and although the pay was minimal, you were able to buy essentials and save up and with a baby on the way every penny saved counted.

Most importantly, you were free. You were safe and so was the baby. It had been the only reason that after almost a year, you had finally been brave enough to escape. Knowing that it would be hard to rebuild a life from scratch. Knowing that the consequences meant a punishment so severe you could only hope for death.

You had tracked your period religiously. Even with the stress of being held captive by a psycho military Captain, your cycles were fairly normal. So when you were five days off, you knew. In a moment in which you wanted nothing more than to be happy to finally be starting the family you dreamed about having as a little girl, fear enveloped you.

John had never mentioned kids. Only a wife. Someone to be at home waiting for him. Keeping the house in order and his bed warm while he was away.

All I need is you and the boys, Birdie. What more could a man want?

You considered telling him. Hoping that he would be as happy as you wanted to be. Yet anytime you came close to telling him over the next two weeks, horrible thoughts raced through your mind. What if he was angry? What if he blamed you even though he practically took you whenever he pleased? How would he terminate the pregnancy or would he be content in letting you give birth without any medical intervention and simply get rid of the baby after?

Would he just get rid of you altogether?

It was like the universe was telling you to run when shortly after you decided that telling him wasn't the answer, that he told you he was going on a mission. Won't be back for a couple of weeks. Sent the boys to pick up anything you'll need. I know you'll be good for me.

You had been good. For that last six months, you had behaved. Didn't pull away from his touch or put up a fuss. You lived in the epitome of domestic bliss, so John had no reason to send you down to the basement. Not when you had so many opportunities to try to escape and you didn't.

Granted, he had threatened to break your legs during your first and last stunt. You had been in the basement for three weeks. Living in near darkness as he brought all of your meals. You had been upstairs for about twenty minutes and barely made it to the door before he tackled you. Pinning you to the ground, breath hot against the back of your neck as he hissed in your ear. Ungrateful little brat.

Your apologies fell on deaf ears as he hauled you back down where you would stay for six weeks.

For months you built the relationship on a lie. A lie John deluded himself into believing. Anytime he told you he loved you, you repeated the words back. Wanting to scrub your body raw anytime he touched you and hating yourself anytime he made you come.

But it had been worth it. You were four months along, and given your ill-fitted clothes, not really showing, but knowing that in another five months you would be holding the baby you always wanted. A baby that you had went through hell for. Seeing his or her face for the first time, being their mom would be worth it.

You kept all of the lights off. It was a request of the motel owners to reduce their bills. So even if it was early December and you knew you would be walking back to a freezing room, they didn't give a shit. In truth, they were doing you a favor only charging you $400 in rent with unlimited access to their laundry services. You suppose having the pity of others did have its perks.

You hadn't even bothered to turn on the lights before pulling your shoes off your feet and plopping down on the bed. The grit and grim still felt thick on your skin, but you couldn't find the energy to care. You would shower and get on a fresh set of clothes you had gotten from the shelter when you first made it into the city, but for now you needed a moment. Just a few minutes to decompress.

A few minutes turned into five and then ten. Before you knew it, you had been laying in the bed floating in and out of consciousness for almost twenty minutes. You knew you needed to get up. Wash away the grime of the day that had settled on your skin. Your clothes smelling faintly of bleach.

Fuck you were tired.

You were always tired.

You got up and made your way to the bathroom, barely keeping your eyes opened. Not confident enough you would actually be able to take a shower without wanting to lay down in the tub and let all the strain of the day go down the train.

It's funny how the human body can make us teeter on the edge of sleep. We imagine things that may or not be there. But when you heard it, when you heard that voice coming from the corner of you room, you knew you weren't imagining anything.

"Wonderin' when you'd wake up."

[avaf00rd]

Engagement bliss

Leah Williamson x arnold!reader

“You’re gonna call me when you can yeah?” Leah asked as she held both your hands while you leaned into her body. You were both saying goodbye to each other as you were travelling to Florida with your Australian teammates for camp, while Leah would stay in England for Lionesses’s Camp.

Your first camp engaged.

As well as hers, but her first camp back since her ACL injury, you were on the edge of tears at the thought of how proud you were.

“Of course I always do” you said pulling her arms down slightly towards you that held yours, placing a long kiss on her lips

“Don’t loose it ay?” Leah said with a cheeky smile, pulling your left hand up in between your close met faces. Tapping the shiny ring on your finger.

“I won’t. Promise. Ditto yeah?” You said now holding up her hand with the ring you gave to her after she proposed. She interlocked both the hands that were up and kissed your knuckles. “Proud of you” you said softly. Maybe for the 10th time just this morning

“Thank you. I’m proud of you, always, but you know that” she said shrugging with a grin.

“Okay I should go” you said looking at your Watch, “I love you” you said kissing her again, lips lingering longer.

“Love you miss you already” Leah said, causing your face to scrunch up at the corny comment, you pulled away from her embrace and grabbed your suitcase she had wheeled in for you. You blew her a kiss before you walked up to Steph, Caitlin, Charli, Kyra and MacKenzie, your ‘London Aussies’.

“Fucks sake Throw me in front of a speeding truck already” Kyra groaned, dreading the upcoming flight, as you all walked towards your terminal

“Oh?” You and Steph said, concern and confusion.

“It’s just 9 and a half hours darling” you said rubbing the young girl’s head roughly.

“Come on pick up the pace” Caitlin said to the group, skipping, as you were all walking too slow the for the given time left you had the catch boarding

“I can’t” you said slowly as you yawned.

“Leah’s excited I’m assuming?” Your sister Mackenzie asked about Leah’s return to England Camp.

“Over the moon” you smiled as you nodded “I don’t know why she was sappier than usual about me leaving. While she’s barely gonna even think about me in camp”

“Please, The girl’s engaged and captaining England again. Yeah she’s on camp but I promise you she won’t stop thinking about you” she assured you as you both smiled. “Far out I’m gonna get so many messages from that girl, frantic, because she can’t reach you” you both laughed, reminiscing the multiple times that had happened.

“That’s because you always tell her I’ve been kidnapped or something!” “It’s funny!”

November 2023

Leah

Pick up

Why are none of the Arnold’s picking up my fucking calls

Why won’t y/n answer me

Tell me Macca

Pick up

She pinky promised to facetimeeee

Mackenzie

I don’t know she went for

a walk last night in the city

to clear her head and I

haven’t seen her come back yet.

Maybe try her again?

Wasn’t at breakfast

Leah

hehe funny

Macca

I’m serious. We r all concerned

Leah

I’m on a call with her now xx🖕

————————————

You could feel your body starting to give itself out slowly as you grew tired. You had been running some basic drills as you and your national team settled into the first session of the camp.

The Florida weather was nice, felt a bit more like home compared to England, but nothing like the Australian warm weather. You were excited at the reminder that you, Macca, Lani, Caitlin and Hayley would all head to the beach as soon as possible after training.

As you anticipated, all of your teammates that didn’t live in London and could not make it to your engagement dinner were fawning over your ring. Them just as excited as you. The Matilda’s media photographer had gotten you and Ellie to pose with your left hands up for a photo with both your rings.

Heaps of your national trainers commented on the fact that the engagement was radiant on your face and your energy was through the roof, causing you to smile ear to ear.

By the end the session, you were playing a game of 5-aside oztag. You had yourself, Sharn, Teagan, Michelle and Hayley on your team.

“Games over!” You exclaimed laying on the ground, when Caitlin had shoved you to the ground for the 10th time in the 20 minute game.

“Sore loser!” Caitlin yelled as she kicked the ball to your head before you quickly rolled away to dodge Caitlin’s good aim.

“That’s not even how you play” You yelled to your best friend as she made her way back from the try line.

“Yes it is” She laughed, whilst Michelle helped you off the ground.

“Great job today girls. Have a good afternoon I’ll see you tonight” Tony smiled at you all, letting you know you could head back to the bus.

On the bus you were leaned against the window, legs sprawled out against both seats in the row. Talking to Alanna who sat across from you in the same position. “I’m sorry again I couldn’t make it to your dinner last week” she smiled at you.

“Are you kidding me. I understand completely. Getting to see you here is just as amazing for me”

Alanna just laughed. Causing you to scrunch your eyebrows at her, you had only said something sweet.

“You sound so much like her” she laughed

“Who Leah?” You smiled

“Yes!”

“How” you couldn’t help but laugh

“The accent. You sound English now! You’re picking up on her too much. Don’t be turning English on us now y/n” you both laughed. “No but it was a nice offer from her for your dinner. And I love the fact that she told me she was going to propose before she did” Lani grinned.

“Did she actually” you said smiling

“Yes! She made a group chat” she said walking over to you, shifting your legs so they were now on top of her thighs and she took up the seat. Pulling out her phone to show you.

28 March 2024

Leah

Hello

Mackenzie

Hi

Alanna

Hiya

Leah

Alanna I’m gonna do it

Alanna

PROPOSE?!

Leah

yes😌

Alanna

Oh my gosh I’m about to cry

My lord

Oh my gosh she’s gonna be so so happy

She will bawl

Just know that

Oh my goshhhhhh eek eek

Why did you just direct that towards me

Mackenzie

I obviously know

Caitlin

I obviously know

Alanna

Point of the new group chat?

Leah

I don’t know you guys are

just her closest friends and

mean a heap to her so it just felt

right all together

Mackenzie

Aw shucks Leah too kind 🥹🥹

Caitlin

When do u plan on it?

I know you don’t want many

people knowing but i can tell

Katie right?

Too late

I did

She’s tearing up

And Vic and Teyah heard whoops

Leah

Cait!

Oh and this afternoon.

Mackenzie

WHAT THIS IS NEWS

Alanna

OMG

Caitlin

HUH I ANTICIPATED A MONTH

You couldn’t help but laugh at the small group chat your girlfriend has created. The texts managed to go on past your engagement when Mackenzie shared a video of the moment all of your teammates saw you and became obsessed with the ring. Which turned into them ganging up on you about something else, “Hang on” you stopped Lani from scrolling

“Uh uh!” She shoved her phone away making you both laugh.

“You better add me to that chat!”

“Never”

———————————

“Cmon!” you squealed. Pulling Caitlin’s hand as you both sprinted down the sand, Hayley filming the sweet moment. The sunset was electric and perfect. Around 10 of your teammates were already on the beach on a large blanket. Taking loads of photographs of the scenery surrounding you that you had all missed.

After 20 minutes of laying on Kyra’s lap and enjoying the water in front of you, talking with the people you missed most. The left pocket of your shorts started to buzz.

You immediately knew it was your fiancé, so you picked the phone up as you got up and walked away from the group. Every single one of them mocking the way you blushed and picked up the phone saying “hey baby”.

“Shove it up your ass” You yelled back at them as the mocking didn’t stop. You heard Leah’s warm chuckle on the other side of the phone.

“Who was that” she asked

“Most of the girls. They are mocking the way I talk to you” you said into the phone making you both laugh. “Tell me everything! Photos aren’t enough”

Leah talked on for ages about how camp was going for her. Friends, trainings, rooming alone, being engaged at camp, travel and the ‘too spicy’ food. The more she talked the more she managed the full your heart even more.

“What about you?” I’ve talked enough”

“Oh my girl I could listen to you for moths” you said softly “yeah it’s great. I’m very excited to play on Monday. Everyone is ready already” you said before hearing a few moments of silence on her end of the call “Leah?”

She just laughed

“What?”

“I was sent a video of you from a group chat of me, your sister, Alanna and Caitlin. You’re Looking relaxed on the beach there” Leah chuckled

“That damn group chat!” You exclaimed. “Add me to it! I’ve got fomo”

You did happen to be laying on the sand, by yourself, phone pressed up to your ear. In sight of your cheeky teammates. You sat up slightly to give them your middle finger.

“No we have a truce. We can’t add you. You don’t have fomo, you just don’t want us talking about you”

“Yeah fomo!” You said making her laugh again, “ and a truce?!”

“Haven’t lost the ring yet darling?” Leah said in that tone that could send you spinning

“Nup. I’m staring at it right now. Hoping you have yours on”

“Of course” she said

“I understand what everyone means. You really just can’t stop staring at it. Like it’s not even the ring it’s like the fact that it’s my engagement ring. From you”

“I can’t keep my eyes off of it. How could I. It’s a symbol of you” Leah said softly

“I love you. I need to go now they are packing up cause it’s dark now. I miss you Lee, I’m proud of you like you don’t even know”

“I’m proud of you. You call me when you get up in the morning. I’ll be sure to be awake. Love you, miss you”

“Bye” you both said before hanging up and you made your way up to the group that were half way up the beach waiting for you, you smiling in appreciation of it at them.

———————————

Leah

“Have you gotten the photos back?” Georgia asked me as I refreshed my email account on my laptop for the hundredth time.

“No. And it’s kind of frustrating. He’s taking a week longer than he said he would”

“What photos are we talking about?” Mary asked

“The professional photos from Leah’s engagement. They are taking too long apparently” Keira explained

“Mates probably sold them to the internet first” Mary shrugged

“Don’t joke about that” i laughed, worry lingering in my tone

“I thought you wanted the moment to be super private?” Mary asked

“No it was. There was no one else. He came like 20 minutes later, as well as our families. I managed to surprise y/n with her’s” I grinned at the thought of the moment as I explained to the three girls at the table

“Well I’m very excited to see them” Keira said

Me and y/n announced our engagement on our instagram via a simple selfie we took together just 10 minutes after I got down on one knee. She laughed brightly in the photo as we both held our hands with the rings up for the camera, me kissing her cheek, and a tear stained face y/n. As well as me posting a small snippet of the moment I first asked her. I had set my phone down to video, somehow without her batting an eye. We are both all for living in the moment.

But honestly, I knew getting to look back on it in a video would be so special with her.

We agreed we couldn’t keep it in for too long the next day, so could not possibly wait for the professional photos taken. Just two very excited people.

——————————

Y/n

While your Australian Captain and close friend Sam had unfortunately done her ACL, as was still out. You had been given the position to Captain your country whilst her injury. You would also officially Captain your country at the Olympics in July and August.

You were called up alongside Tony for MD-1 press conferences at camp whilst being captain. And you actually really enjoyed them.

“Ready y/n?” Tony asked as you got out of the car and were walking into the stadium. Pulling a thumbs up to the camera crew following you both for the Matilda’s all-access video.

When you were both later settled into the conference room, you shuffled your chair in closer to the microphone before it began. Questions were at first fired at Tony, on camp call up describes and inside training decisions made by the staff.

The first question that was directed to you made you smiled when the short lady started “Hello y/n, just wanted to start by congratulating you and Leah on your engagement last week” she smiled up at you

You laughed slightly and smiled wide back “Thank you very much I appreciate it” you nodded, motioning her to continue with the question before she asked you about the preparations in the team and how the team feels about being in sunny Florida.

“And also the team just- well you know we are coming from all around the world I would say, different seasons. And I know, coming from cold London that it is such a refresher being in this weather for walking around and relaxing purposes I guess”

“And training purposes I’m hoping?” Tony asked, making the room laugh

“That’s the most important one yes” You laughed

After 15 minutes, as the conference was soon to be closed. You got asked a question mentioning your engagement once again. “It’s your first camp being engaged. How does that feel?”

You tried to keep professional and not focus on your own relationship too much, “Yeah the support is real with this team, always is, and it radiates off the happy feeling we all get when we fly to camp. It’s all been, exciting for me and some of the girls have said the same to me so that’s a nice feeling” you said nodding towards her sweetly

“I’m hoping from y/n, this gives her a happy boost to get heaps of goals in on Sunday!” Tony says to you making you laugh and agree.

“We will end it there if there are no more questions, thank you everyone” the media manager announced

“Thank you” you mumbled quietly into your microphone before stepping out of the chair.

Receiving a text from your fiancé one you reached the car outside the stadium waiting to take you back to the hotel.

Leah

Spoken like a true Captain

Y/n

How did u watch that?

Leah

YouTube live darling😌

Y/n

I’ll be sure to watch yours then

——————————

You had played both games against Mexico and were leaving the hotel for the airport. It was 2am and safe to say the last thing you were in the middle for was getting on a nearly 10 hour flight. But the idea of Leah picking you up and getting to spend time with her at the end of the day motivated you not just fall asleep and miss your flight.

“Y/nnnn” Caitlin sung out as she opened your door. Bag of chips in her hand from the vending machine. “Time to go!”

“I could have been changing” you said, unplugging your phone charger from the wall

“Mm” Caitlin nodded, mouth full of chips “you should consider locking this” she tapped the door handle behind her before reaching for your suit case to wheel it out of the room, you following behind the your other bag as you closed the door.

12 hours later, you were finally out of security after they had to open your bag as hey suspected something. Which they were wrong about and apologised. And took out 10 minutes of your time.

All was pushed off your shoulders when you saw your favourite person standing in her jeans, your sweater, her favourite cream Uniqlo bag and a yellow bouquet of flowers in her hand.

It was a tradition for both of you whether Leah was at her own camp or not, she would greet you with a different colour of flowers and open arms at the airport when you reached London once again after camp.

You picked up the pace on your feet before letting go of your suitcase and jumping into her arms, sealing both your lips together with a kiss. Before she hugged you even tighter with a smile as you nuzzled your head into her neck, kissing her shoulder.

“I missed you” you said kicking your feet like a toddler in your fiancé’s arms, which she always found adorable and drove her crazy

“I’m sure I missed you more” she smiled before stealing your lips again and setting you down

“Hmm no” you said. Before she handed you the bouquet. “I love you. Thank you”

“My honour” she patted her chest in a jokingly matter, before you wrapped your arms around her neck again and kissing her for longer, and most definitely not for the last time that evening. “Hey you’ve still got it” she said softly as she held your left hand and caressing the finger the ring laid on.

You nodded with a smile whilst Leah wheeled your suitcase to her car as you walked. “I’m starving” you said watching her lift the suitcase into the trunk before you both settled inside the car.

“Good thing there is food in the back seat” you grinned, Leah turning on the car, you shot your head to the back seat to be met with nothing but some rubbish from Leah that had been there for weeks.

“Where?” You asked

“I’m joking” she mumbled before you slapped her shoulder hard “ow I’m about to drive” Leah whined

“That’s not funny!” You laughed

“You’re right it’s not. Let’s go get food now” Leah smiled at you sweetly and rubbing your thigh whilst she drove.

“Fine with me!” You smiled contently before grabbing the hand that rested on you before bringing it to your lips and kissing it “thank you fiancé”

Leah chuckled at the comment, making her cheeks warm up “that won’t stop until we actually get married will it?” She said

“Nah”

[thinkingaboutbetterdays]

feelings are scary. ( gregory house x reader )

gif belongs to me

He knew breaking up over a text message was the coward's way out, but there would be questions he didn't want to answer, uncomfortable feelings he tried to bury down and pretend didn't exist. Greg House didn't have healthy relationships. Especially not with a sexy ER nurse.

Before you started dating you were often lured to the clinic under false pretenses to see someone he considered interesting but it was just a way to see you. When his team failed to give him the answers he wanted, he would follow you around the ER and discuss his latest patient. You were always bubbly, smiling at his sarcastic remarks, and when he insulted your patients you always said, "Don't mind my friend here, he hasn't had his caffeine fix for the day."

You never turned him away. You were never exasperated by the amount of times he managed to trick you and when you started dating he realized you always knew it was a ruse, and went along with it anyway because you wanted to see him too.

Greg House didn't maintain healthy relationships. But for four blissful months, you did. And it terrified him.

Saying I love you opened doors he had long since locked. You admitted that you didn't need him to say it, but you wanted him to know how you felt. The next day you received his termination of your relationship and were stunned by how curt it was.

Once the knife stopped twisting, you realized you had expected this reaction and decided to give him time and space. For a week you pushed your feelings down, focusing on your job, and while he didn't visit you in the ER or get you to meet him somewhere in the hospital, you had felt the weight of his gaze more than once. He might not have spoken to you, but he still stopped by.

You did everything you could to stop thinking about the department head. Until a car crash victim died and everything came bubbling to the surface. You tore off your gloves and changed in the locker room, washing off the blood, and slumped on the bench, fending off tears that dried up as anger set in at how unfair it was that an eighteen-year-old was dead from a drunk driver.

When you made it to his department you noticed him on the balcony talking to James and stormed outside, gaining their attention.

"Uh, Y/N, h-hi -"

"Go away, Wilson."

"Right-o." He made a swift exit as House sighed, turning to look out at the view, resting his hands on the wall.

"I thought you'd crack sooner -"

"Shut up." You barked.

House raised an eyebrow, turning to look at you and seeing the tears in your eyes.

"You are an arrogant gasbag." His eyebrows rose at the insult as you were docile by nature. "What gives you the right to tell me how to feel? You don't. Do you think falling for you wasn't scary for me? Feelings are scary, Greg, and they feel like crap and sometimes they feel great and everything is butterflies and rainbows until an ego-maniac decides to stab you in the heart because he can't let himself be happy."

House listened quietly as you moved around, gesturing wildly with your hands.

"I know you are a gigantic pain in the ass. I know you're cynical. I know you use humor to keep people at arm's length but for a second, I thought that maybe you would finally let me in the door. And then you avoid me like I have the plague like a middle-grader! I mean, what the hell?"

You stopped pacing, finally meeting his gaze, and took a moment to catch your breath.

"Can I talk now?"

You rolled your jaw, nodding reluctantly.

"Come here."

You walked closer and when you were within arms reach, he brought you to his chest, kissing you hotly. You melted into his chest as he kept his balance by leaning on the wall. His arms wrapped around you, and the scent of his cologne made tears prick your eyes from how comforting it was.

The passionate kiss was the closest thing you would get to a confession. And right now that was enough.

[freelancearsonist]

so scarlet, it was...

➔ post-outbreak Joel Miller x afab!Reader - series masterlist

➔ 1.3k words

➔ “Go ahead, yell your fucking head off. That’ll make everything okay, won’t it?”

➔ Rated MA for dark fic kinda, a/b/o themes (alpha joel, omega reader), established... situationship? i guess, pregnancy/contemplation of termination, contemplation of self harm, reader is not in a good headspace. one instance of vomiting, joel is not very nice, this fic in general is not very nice. takes place three years post outbreak. [please let me know if i missed any warnings so i can add them in :)]

➔ thank you so much to my darling @bitchwitch1981 for the prompt, i'm so sorry this is probably very much not what you wanted 🤣 extra special thank you to @perotovar for making this wonderful joel gif for me, if ur reading this ily <3

You’ve never actually used one of these things before. You’ve only read about them in books or seen them in movies from years ago, and they’ve only ever been an object of abject horror.

You understand why now, looking down at those two little lines on the stick cradled in your hand. You’ve never been quite so terrified in your life.

You never should’ve pocketed this test when you found it in that miraculously untouched drug store. You could’ve stayed blissfully unaware. Better yet, you should’ve been more careful. Three years of living like this has been more than enough to make you firm in your decision to never bring life into this broken world. This isn’t a place for a child, this is barely even a place for you. Every day is a fight, every waking moment is a nightmare. But you’ve been so careless with him and now it’s all crashing down, this blissful bubble where you can pretend that everything might be okay because you have the pack and, more importantly, him. 

You won’t have him for much longer when he finds out about this.

You wonder what it’ll take to right this wrong before he finds out about it. It must be pretty early, so maybe it won’t take much to reverse it. Maybe all you’ll have to do is bump into something just right, or trip over the right log.

The thought makes you sick–more stomach bile than anything else coming up because you’ve hardly had more to eat than stale beef jerky and some precarious berries in the past few days. Resources have been so slim; another reason this can’t be happening. You hardly have enough to tide you over, much less a child. And it’ll be even worse once the pack abandons you.

You bury yourself into the haphazard nest of blankets and his worn clothes, letting the heavy, musky scent of him soothe your wracking sobs. 

Maybe you should just accept your fate now, sacrifice yourself for the good of the pack. Everyone is going to die eventually, after all–sooner rather than later in this world. You’ve only been postponing the inevitable. They never have to know why you do it, and it’ll be one less mouth to feed. Two, technically, but they’ll never have to know that. He won’t even really miss you, it’ll be one less burden on his hands. On all of their hands.

You don’t hear them return early from scavenging–maybe because the volume of your own sobs drowns out any other noise. Or maybe because he can sense something is wrong as he enters the run-down little shack you’ve been holed up in for the past few weeks, and he softens his approach because of it.

Joel has never been quite as tender as he is when he takes you into his arms, pulling your face out of the pile of fabric to wipe at your tear-streaked cheeks.

“My omega, shhhh, I’m here. It’s okay,” he murmurs, wrapping you into his big, strong, safe arms. He doesn’t know. Maybe he thinks you had a nightmare, or you just missed him, or a million other things except the truth. But he doesn’t know, and you know he doesn’t know because you feel the moment he connects the dots. His eyes drop to the little white stick clutched tightly in your fist and his entire body stiffens like a board. Suddenly there’s no more warmth or comfort to his touch, nothing soothing about the pheromones drifting from him. He pulls away like you’re infected, and maybe you are. Maybe the thing that’s taken root in you is worse than cordyceps could ever hope to be.

You’ve never been terrified of him before. Joel is dark and brooding and imposing, but he’s only ever fought to protect you. His omega, who wormed their way under his skin despite him fighting it every step of the way. His omega, who’s been the only source of anything remotely close to comfort he’s had since outbreak day. His omega, who’s given him purpose in this dark world.

His omega, who’s betrayed him in such an unforgivable way.

“What the fuck.” There’s nothing but venom in his tone–he looks at you with pure disgust and your resolve crumbles.

Maybe there was a little, tiny, miniscule part of you that hoped it would be different. That he would be excited to be a father, or at least be understanding. But that hope dies so suddenly when you look up into his scowling face. He towers over you, dark eyes flashing with anger, and for the first time since you met him two long years ago you’re scared.

“You were supposed to be careful.” His voice rises further and further with each syllable, as if this isn’t partially his fault too. As if he wasn’t the one in such an uncontrollable rut last month that he kept you in bed all week, losing the willpower required to pull out with each powerful thrust of his hips. As if it isn’t his seed blooming in your womb as you speak.

“What do we do now, huh?” He growls, eyes darkening, fists clenching at his sides. “I’ve fucking marked you, I can’t turn you loose! And we barely make it by as we are! How the fuck are we supposed to handle this?”

He rants for what seems like hours and you flinch with every booming word, curling tighter around yourself in a desperate attempt to simply disappear; to not have to deal with this any more because your heart shatters with each irreversible word he throws at you. You shrink and shrink and shrink in hopes of vanishing because this is undoable. No matter what happens, nothing will ever go back to the way it was and that’s the knowledge that crushes you completely.

Your voice is so small when he finally quiets enough for you to speak. “Go ahead, yell your fucking head off. That’ll make everything okay, won’t it?”

Joel stops in his tracks, white knuckles unclenching for the first time in minutes. He sees the fear and regret in your eyes, and he almost lets it soften him. He loathes himself for this look on your face–for making you scared of him.

His omega. So small and fragile, curled in a pile of his clothes because his scent brings you comfort. He’s dedicated two years of his time and effort to keeping you safe and comfortable, if not happy. He’s supposed to protect you, not hurt you. He’s supposed to give you children and raise them with you, be a family with you. That’s what being your alpha means, and he has so sorely failed you. 

But he knows he can never do that again. That’s never what this was supposed to be. He didn’t mark you out of anything but necessity–if he had let your uncontrolled scent waft every time you went into heat, every alpha in the country would be targeting your little pack of four. You’re his omega out of biological necessity–a warm hole to fill when his rut threatens to tear already strenuous ties with his brother and Tess. That’s what he tells himself because the alternative is so startlingly incomprehensible that he won’t allow himself to even consider the fact that he might care about you; that the urge to care for you and protect you is more than primal, biological instinct; that you mean more to him than anyone ever has.

Not just his omega now, but his mate. His unborn child is growing and growing and growing with each passing second inside your womb and he’s powerless to stop it.

“We’re thirty-seven miles from the Boston QZ,” he growls from somewhere deep in his chest. “We leave at first light.”

You don’t get a chance to argue or plead your case before the door slams shut behind him. 

➔ beta: @beskarandblasters and @fhatbhabie

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[wuwa-writing]

a calming touch

jiyan x reader, sfw, not necessarily established relationship but close enough you're both comfortable in each other's space

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jiyan groans under you, his face buried in one of his pillows. You can't help but smile from where you're straddling his waist, using strong hands to work the knots from the muscles of his back. He's long melted under you, his fluster at the position long fading into blissed out noises as you massage his back.

He needs to rest more, you think, to take breaks from taking responsibility on his shoulders to hide the survivor's guilt. It took effort to wrangle him into this day off, to convince him to let you sit on top of him and dig your thumbs into the knots in his shoulders until they loosen.

You've carefully avoided touching his tacet mark unnecessarily so far, all too aware how sensitive they can be, but the few times you've touched it he's relaxed so beautifully under your hands.

On the side table, Jiyan's terminal starts to ring. You feel him tense under you, but you keep him laying down with a firm hand on his tacet mark, making him shudder. You reach over to his terminal and decline the call, making him huff slightly.

He turns his head so he's not muffle by the pillow, his voice raspy as he says, "That could be something important." You snort, absently rubbing your thumb over the center of his mark, making him sigh and shiver.

"They can wait." You tell him firmly. "It's your day off. Besides, they should be able to function without you for a day." You press your thumb firmly against the base of his neck, pushing against the stress knot there and making him groan. He turns his head back into the pillow, mumbling something you don't catch, but he's not arguing back about it. You're taking that as a good sign.

By the time you're done with his shoulders, he's half asleep and fully relaxed. You smile at the sight, smoothing his ponytail to the side and bending down to press a soft, chaste kiss to the top of his mark.

He sighs softly, humming in pleasure, and you have to hold back a fond laugh. You climb off his back, moving to lay next to him instead, and carefully work his hair out of the ponytail. You massage his scalp where the ponytail was and he groans again, somehow melting even more.

Somehow, it turns into him shifting to lay in your lap, his face pressed into your stomach as you run your hands through his hair. It doesn't take long for him to drift into sleep, and you smile fondly.

It's a nice day out, soft beams of sunlight filtering in through the windows, and you quickly find yourself falling asleep as well, your hand still in his hair.

[squiddy-god]

shower sex (leviathan)

Re-upload from terminated blog squid-god-supreme

CW: smut, fem aligned reader, shower sex, monster fucking but only a little

You found yourself walking down the halls of the house of lamentation to the room of your shy boyfriend. It was often that Levi asked you to his room in order to game or watch anime so that’s fully what you expected. Knowing Levi he probably wanted to rewatch TSL for the one hundredth time.

Knocking on the door you hurd Levi call out from the other side. “Password!!?” “It’s me Levi! Open up!” Waiting for a moment you hurd hurried shuffling before the door opened and you were promptly dragged in. Levi’s face was flushed and he was avoiding meating your eyes with his. “H-hey nor- I mean y-y/n, take a shower… With me… Please. ” The last sentence was almost a whisper and his small ‘please’ was almost completely silent, his face was burning red as his had was raised to hide it.

You blushed at the thought of showering with him, it wasn’t the first time but it was still Imbarasing none the less. “Yah l-lets do it! ” Almost immediately his face lit up as he pulled you twords the bathroom. You both striped off your clothes and got into the shower. The water was pretty hot and you felt your body relax as the water run down you.

Levi couldn’t take his eyes off of you, seeing you naked had always entranced him but there was something about the way the water droplets ran down your hips and curves that sent blood rushing to his cock. He watched intensely as the water washed over your body, you were so beautiful all wet and dripping he felt like you had put him under a spell. His hands were shaking as he placed them on your hips. “Y-y/n can i-i” His face was a tomato as you nodded shyly turning around to face the blushing demon.

Once he had the ok his hands griped your thighs and he lifted you up with ease, leaning you against the cool tile wall. It may not be a full body of water but he felt like he was in his element, although he’d definitely have to try fucking you in more water. He slowly slid into your tight cunt, you were do warm and wet around him he felt like he was in pure bliss (I’d say heaven but… Ya know) he pushed his body against yours as his lips locked with yours. His kisses were always a little bit clumsy but they were still passionate and fierce. Levi absolutely loved the feeling of your wet skin pressed against him, your chest smooshed against his as water ran down it. His cock was slaming in and out of you much faster then his normal pace, he was in his element, he felt confident like this. His cock dragged along your walls stretching out your pussy with every thrust, you were both moaning messes as your legs wrapped around Levi’s waist.

His tounge ran over your bottom lip asking for entry, you parted your lips slightly and allowed him to enter. His forked tounge swerled around yours as he pressed your body’s further together. You weren’t Shure if the steam was from the shower or your kiss but either way it was intoxicating.

You felt the coil of her in your stomach stretch and strain with every thrust he made into you. His mouth left yours abd traveled your neck biting and nipping at the skin. “Ahh l-levi! So good” Your words were strained and spliced between airy moans as his dick continued to run against your velvet walls. Your head roled back and rested again the cool tile wall you were pressed against. Levi left a trail of hickeys and bite marks behind as he lived closer to your collar bone.

Levi’s thrusts picked up speed and became uneven as continued to pound in and out of you, he could feel himself twitching inside you. Your moans reverberated against the tile walls and shower glass as your walls clenched and tightened around him. A low groan sounded from his throat as he came. Hot ropes of cum shot into your core and leeked out with the running water

You were both panting heavily as Levi let your down, still holding you slightly so you didn’t fall over. “W-we should uhh, get clean now” He said “yah haha”

[ratgirlexe]

To wrap up my thoughts on HDG as horror, now that I’m no longer in severe pain and writing my thoughts at 3 am:

I think the best summary of it all is that it’s hard for me to go into any given story and feel truly horrified, because I know on a meta textual level that everything is going to work out in the end, and the characters will likely be happier than when they started. I don’t know how to suspend my disbelief in the idea that ultimately things will work out, so even if the main character goes through any number of acts which are horrifying in *theory*. I almost empathize more with the affini putting them through that experience, more so than the character who’s point of view I’m seeing things from.

Are you a rebel feralist being put through awake surgery for your haustoric implant? It might be the scariest experience of your life, but that just means you get to be a floret now! You’ll have someone to care for and love you forever, and you’ll never have to be alone. Give it a week and you’ll be thanking them for doing so.

How about if you’re a terminally ill patient at end-of-life, or in excruciating pain that even the affini can't somehow solve? That's okay! We'll get you on a nice tasty regimen of class-O's, and you'll never hurt or be afraid again. There will be nothing but unending bliss, and you won't even realize that you're hurting. Not all suffering can be prevented, and eventually it all has to end, but heaven is real, and we've placed it inside you. Even in that last situation, which is the most personally scary to me, there's a certain level of bitter sweetness to it all. Maybe it's just the pain I've been in, but there aren't quite as many ways to end someones life that are as kind as bliss never-ending.

Ultimately I think it's just the fact that I know the affini are benevolent within the story, which makes even the most harrowing or scary events take on a more lighthearted tone for me. Yes, getting to where you want to be, where you *need* to be can be really scary. I'm autistic. Change is terrifying, change is death, and some changes can feel too monumental to ever surmount on your own. But to me HDG is a true escapist fantasy that says "Even if this change is scary, even if you can't choose to change for the better, even if the process hurts or makes you feel like you're dying, I'll be here with you to hold your hand and guide you through it. You don't have to go through it alone, and by the end you'll be able to blossom into who I know you can be."

And to me that's just not scary or horrifying. That's something that I yearn for each and every day.

[covetyou]

the howler monkey

ao3 ⋆ main masterlist ⋆ series masterlist

pairing: Dieter Bravo & gn!reader rating: Mature (18+ only!) warnings: no smut but some nudity, implied drug use/addiction, little bit silly, mildly angsty, performance anxiety, screaming, Dieter Bravo's soft cock. basically mild hurt/comfort/fluff with my usual bit of silliness. word count: 2.8k summary: You got him here, he was safely tucked away upstairs and everything was going, mostly, according to plan. So, who the fuck is screaming?

A/N: For the Dieter Bravo Brain Rot Club March Server Challenge - you're unhinged and I love you all. Dieter would be so, so proud of us. Circus mention in honour of Clown!Dieter.

TROPE: Only one bed and forced proximity PROMPT: "You're going to get us arrested." "Oh, I've always liked the idea of you in handcuffs."

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On days like this, getting Dieter Bravo out of the house was more like wrangling an overtired toddler than it was dealing with a full grown man. At least, you assumed it was. You didn't have a toddler for reference, but you did have a Dieter and, sometimes, that felt worse. He stalled and delayed for so long that by the time you finally - finally - got him out of the door, it was quite literally a race to get the the airport.

The flight hadn't been much different, having to practically drag him through the terminal with head down and sunglasses on to cram him into his window seat. Truth be told, you didn't know why you were flying with him anyway, only to fly back later tonight. Still, as long as it wasn't your money on the line, what Dieter wanted, Dieter got.

But now it was done. You got him here relatively unscathed, all things considered, and Dieter had been deposited in his room, ready to get a full nights beauty sleep before the press descended and the festival opened. All that was left to do was check in with his publicist and you'd be on your way back home, where you couldn't wait to crawl into bed and have a few blissful days to yourself.

So, as is the natural way with these things, it's when you're just finishing up with his publicist in the back of the bar that it all starts. It's nothing but a few strained looks from the hotel staff to begin with.

Then the phones start ringing. Every single one.

And when the phones can't be answered quick enough, hotel guests start crowding around the lobby, whispering amongst themselves about the screaming.

The screaming.

And your blood turns cold. Because it's not. It couldn't be. He wouldn't.

The publicist pays no attention, continuing swiping through his phone and yammering away. Not your circus, not your monkeys, you try to think to yourself as the lobby just gets busier and busier.

But then the hotel manager rushes in, sickly sweet smile plastered on his face, Dieter's publicist blissfully unaware as he stares down at his phone, looking at schedules and interview times and literally anything but the chaos evolving around you.

"Excuse me? Excuse me," he's saying, wringing his hands together as he approaches the table. "You're with Mr. Bravo?"

His publicist doesn't even bother looking up, simply nodding as you stare, open mouthed, into the lobby.

"It seems we have... a bit of a problem," he whispers with wide eyes. "Mr. Bravo is uh... well, screaming. It's disturbing the other guests. I'm afraid if he doesn't stop we're going to have to ask him to leave or call the police."

Well, shit. This is your circus, and that is your monkey in particular.

You're swiping the extra key card out of his hand and making your way out of the bar and into the packed lobby as quick as you can while his publicist sits there, arguing that Dieter would never (he would), that he was quiet (he wasn't), and so it couldn't possibly be him (it absolutely could).

The elevator feels so slow, the whirl of gears and an unseen mechanism pulling you up and up, as you ascend the many floors of the hotel. Then, in a blink and with another creak the doors are about to pull themselves open, and you swear you can hear it already.

The fucking screaming.

You're running now, the elevator doors barely open before you're squeezing through them, not caring for the noise you make as you thud heavily down the hallway. What would a little extra noise matter when there's someone screaming blue murder inside one of the hotel rooms.

Tapping the card, the lock on room 819 illuminates green and you're throwing open the door, the screams having subsided for a moment, and shutting yourself inside and trying to catch your breath.

Aside from the silence, it's dark. That's the first thing you notice. The second thing you notice is Dieter Bravo is nowhere to be seen, even in the dim light creeping around the window.

"Dee... Dieter?" you whisper into the darkness, hoping beyond hope that he's not here and he hasn't been screaming for the past fifteen minutes.

A small, hoarse voice floats toward you from much further away than you'd expect him to be able to be given the size of the room, "Who is it?"

"Dieter? It's me. What the fuck is going on? Where are you?" you loud whisper into the hotel room, running your fingertips across the wall as you creep forward. From what you can tell it looks the same as when you left him here. Nothing is wrecked or overturned, and he hasn't had another sudden burst of artistic inspiration - the walls look the same as they did when you shut the door to Dieter looking forlornly out of the window to the city below.

"What do you mean?" comes the muffled voice. It's closer now, but you still can't see him. There's no lump on the bed, no one sat in the chair, and he's not lying spread eagle on the floor.

"Dieter, where the fuck are you?!"

He sighs, and you hear a slap, like the sound of a hand hitting a flat, solid surface. "Under here, numbnuts."

You take another step forward, peaking under the desk, seeing no sign of Dieter. Turning toward the bed, you try to find somewhere else to look under to find wherever Dieter has stashed himself when you see it.

Two bare legs sticking out from under the bed, the end of his soft green robe just poking out from beneath the frame.

"Dee... what is going on, why are you under there? There was screaming, they think it's coming from in here."

Dieter's silence is all you need to confirm it was indeed coming from in here, from him. Pinching your nose, you ready yourself for whatever he's going to throw at you this time.

"Why are you screaming?"

"Come under here."

"Dieter, no, it's disgusting under there, they don't clean these -"

"I'll tell you if you come under here."

"No, I know this is a nice hotel, but the floors are still filth-"

Dieter cuts you off, a loud scream ripping out of his chest and rattling around your head at a frequency that makes you feel like your skull is about to burst. It must hurt, is all you can think, his throat must be raw and his mouth dry. Panic sets in - hearing a scream like that will do that to a person, you suppose. You panic not just because it must hurt, but because if there was one thing you knew, despite Dieter Bravo's flair for dramatics, he wasn't a man to scream for no reason. And, as much as you hate to admit it, you can't help but think down to Dieter's publicist likely still sat in the bar - Dieter will be impossible to interview tomorrow if you don't stop him soon, and that's if he's even allowed to stay in the hotel much longer.

So, you do the only thing you know how to do when a metaphorical fire in the shape of Dieter Bravo threatens to burn everything down. You throw yourself over it and hope for the best.

"DEE! DIETER! OKAY, OKAY!" you shout, trying not to grimace as you get on your hands and knees to crawl under the cramped space under the bed, ignoring the grit and dust already on your palms.

"Fuck. Shit, Dieter. Ow." You're wedged under there with him now, ass sticking up in the air as you cram your upper body under the bed frame. You can see the vague shape of him under here, a Dieter shaped profile visible in front of you as he stares blankly up at the underside of the bed.

"What's wrong with you?" you ask, somewhat breathlessly, only to watch Dieter tense up at your words. Shit. You didn't mean it like that, and you certainly didn't say it like that either, but before you can take it back and apologize, he beats you to it.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong with me," he says in a voice so much smaller and quieter now that your head is right beside his.

"Sorry. Look, I didn't - I meant, why are you screaming, Dee. They said they'd have to kick you out or call the cops. You're going to get us arrested."

"Arrested, huh?" he says thoughtfully, turning to look over at you. "I've always liked the idea of you in handcuffs."

"No, Dieter," you say, and even though you know he can't see you, you roll your eyes in the dark anyway.

Dieter's sigh is so big it picks up errant dust swirls it around under the bed. The urge to swipe at your nose is strong but you resist, knowing from the state of things and the chalky feeling of your palms that it'll only make things worse.

"I'm nervous," he finally says, and that's all you needed to hear.

His face is turned toward the underside of the bed when you crawl backwards. It takes a moment for him to notice, but as soon as he does he's whimpering and taking in a breath big enough that you know he's going to scream again. But you're not leaving, and instead you roll onto your back with an oof and slide yourself under the bed to look up into the nothing with Dieter.

You think back to other times he'd been like this. Too scared to perform, anxiety taking root, frightening him off into some dark quiet corner of a set or his house. You'd found him in his closet once, the only thing apparently capable of coaxing him out was watching you unbutton your shirt a little more because you'd gotten so hot sitting in the stifling little room with him. When he'd finally made his way out, it had been with his eyes glued to the extra patch of skin you'd uncovered and the trickle of sweat dripping down your chest.

Dark as it was, visual distractions wouldn't work this time.

"How many times do you have exactly the same thoughts, and how many times does everything turn out okay anyway? You're good at this, Dieter. You're going to be amazing tomorrow, just like you always are, and I'm not saying that to pressure you to perform, but just because you are. You're amazing."

"Yeah, right," he scoffs, slapping a hand dramatically down on the floor again with a grunt.

"I'm serious. You have a lot to be proud of."

"A lot to not be proud of too."

"Well, you know what to do about that."

"I'm not going to rehab."

"I've never told you to."

Dieter sighs again, because you were right. You had never told him to go to rehab. You never would. It didn't feel like your place to - you were only his assistant. He knows this and you think - know - that sometimes he'd like for you to just tell him to get it together and go, but you don't. "I know."

You don't know how long you both lie there in silence and darkness after that, softly exchanging breaths under the bed. You do know it's long enough for your mind to wander back down to the bar and all the people now going about their evenings. It's not lost on you that no one came in to check on him before you. That now that he'd been silent for several minutes, no one had bothered to knock on the door to see if he was okay. None of them cared, not really. You knew that and, worse of all, Dieter knew that. The people here didn't care about him unless he was being a shiny, glitzy movie star who could say and do the right things in front of the cameras.

Scuffling feet alert you to his movement as Dieter move shuffles toward you, his head colliding gently with the side of yours. You make no effort to move and neither does he, choosing instead to lean his head against yours and rest it there.

The signs are obvious then. The small weave of his head as his eyes track invisible shapes in the dark. The twitch in his fingers, the bounce of his foot. He'd been a mess all day, you can see that now, and whatever he had taken since getting here was somehow making it better and worse all at once.

"How much have you taken this time?"

His breath catches, caught doing something he said he wouldn't do, not here, not this time. But he doesn't lie, not to you. He'd stopped doing that a long time ago, and that was as much progress as you could ever hope for.

"Too much. Not enough. I don't know."

"Okay," you say, even though it isn't, not really. He should stop. You wish you could do more to stop him.

"Will you stay?" he murmurs, even though he knows you have a flight to catch. He'd paid for it when he demanded you come with him, promising you a few days off while he was stuck at the festival answering the same questions over and over again.

"You know I can't, my flight is in a couple of hours, I need to get through the traffic -"

"Please stay."

"There is nowhere for me to stay, Dieter. You don't need me here and I couldn't get a room if I tried. Everywhere nearby is booked." Assistants don't sleep with their employers, assistants don't sleep with their employers...

"I do. I do need you. I'm not asking you to stay anywhere else, I'm asking you to stay here. Stay with me," he mumbles. "I can sleep under here if I have to. Just stay." Assistants don't sleep with their fucking employers...

"You're not sleeping on the floor. And I- I can't." By this point you don't know why you can't, because maybe assistants don't sleep with their employers, but you and Dieter were always a little bit, well... y'know.

"Please."

And your resolve never was that strong where Dieter was concerned. Not really. "Fine. I'll stay. I need a shower and I need to go -"

"You can borrow some of my clothes," he says quickly. "We can shower - separately, I mean - get room service - fuck I'm starving - and then when we sleep, we can cuddle?"

You can't help but laugh, smiling up at the bed at how quickly his mood could turn around, particularly where cuddling and a good meal were concerned. Sometimes, when he was really tired, or high, or sad, or a combination of all three, he'd ask you to cuddle. You'd always settle on stroking his hair instead, watching his face as his jaw relaxed and sleep finally pulled at his features before sneaking away. Today, you had nowhere else to be so, you think, you may as well stay to cuddle.

"Yeah, Dee. We can cuddle."

You talk over room service - fancy toasted sandwiches and warm chocolate chip cookies that weren't on the menu, but Dieter had the audacity to ask for anyway. When you shower, he waits outside the door for you, restlessly stepping from foot to foot. You wait for him too, convincing him to leave the door open a little just in case, and he does so without question. A few minutes later he comes out, flushed red from the heat of the water and totally naked. You don't bat an eye.

Your skin still feels damp when you're climbing into bed, grateful to be on top of it and grit free now rather than under it. Dieter soon follows, crawling naked on all fours before tucking his legs under the sheets beside you.

You talk for a little longer, listening as Dieter sounds more and more slurred with sleep, before flicking the light off. He fidgets, shuffling closer to you until his arm wraps around your chest, resting his hand softly on your shoulder, his nose nuzzling into your neck on the pillow you now share. It's not comfortable, not for you, but the contented sounds coming from Dieter and the way his face twitches against your bare skin tells you he's holding back tears, that he needs this. You can be uncomfortable for one night, you think, just before he hooks his leg over yours, well and truly pinning you to the bed.

"Dee?"

"Yeah?"

"Your cock is on my leg."

"I know."

"Okay, well... G'night Dee."

"Night," he says straight into your ear, smacking his lips as he snuggles into your side, soft cock squished against your leg. And when, somehow, sleep ignores your discomfort and pulls you under barely a few minutes later, you swear you can feel Dieter press his lips to the bare skin of your neck.